Bankas Podcast - June 10, 2025


Andre Kim ｜ Bankas Podcast - #097


Episode Stats

Length

55 minutes

Words per Minute

192.492

Word Count

10,698

Sentence Count

1,393

Misogynist Sentences

32

Hate Speech Sentences

53


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about racism in the Asian community, and how we grew up in middle and high school. We also talk about what it's like growing up as an Asian in the US, and the experiences we had growing up.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.200 This is two Kims in a row. I had Hans Kim on the last episode.
00:00:05.380 I mean, that it comes out, whatever, came out last week.
00:00:09.960 So what else is up?
00:00:11.000 He's, uh...
00:00:11.860 I'm just kidding.
00:00:16.940 No, I love him. I love him.
00:00:18.100 People think I hate Chinese people.
00:00:20.740 I mean, you're not Chinese, but...
00:00:22.320 Yeah, you think I'm Chinese?
00:00:23.440 No, I know you're, well, you're Korean. Kim.
00:00:26.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.
00:00:28.200 But people think I'm racist against Asians. I meant Asians.
00:00:32.400 Yeah, yeah.
00:00:34.280 I mean, I don't think so, but I could see why people would think, like, if they just came across.
00:00:38.180 I've never had any Asian people be mad at me, except I have.
00:00:41.540 Like, I had some, like, woke female Asians get mad.
00:00:47.240 That's true. Asian females are usually really woke.
00:00:50.680 But there's not a lot of, like, guys with Asian accents, like, yelling at me or anything.
00:00:55.640 No, they don't care.
00:00:56.480 You know what it is? It's like, um...
00:00:58.700 It's not in their algorithm.
00:01:00.200 No. Well, especially in North America, like, when we're growing up, it gets so, like...
00:01:05.040 People are like, oh, hello! You know what I mean?
00:01:07.040 Yeah, it's racism.
00:01:08.420 So you're just, like, numb to it.
00:01:10.200 Yeah.
00:01:10.440 You're just like, okay, yeah.
00:01:11.740 I feel like middle school was probably my peak racist era.
00:01:17.440 I'd say...
00:01:18.800 Were you racist in middle school?
00:01:20.180 I think...
00:01:22.400 I don't think I was ever racist, but I was definitely really, like, ignorant.
00:01:26.500 We had an Ethiopian chick, and we would always call her Starvin' Marvin.
00:01:32.940 From...
00:01:34.020 Wait, why Marvin?
00:01:35.120 Well, that was, like, a South Park episode about, like, the...
00:01:37.360 Oh, I never watched South Park.
00:01:37.980 ...starving Ethiopian child.
00:01:40.400 I never watched South Park.
00:01:41.500 And it would, uh...
00:01:42.540 Yeah, so we called her Starvin' Marvin a few times.
00:01:44.560 She kicked me in the shin.
00:01:45.360 I still have, like, a bump in my shin.
00:01:48.060 For...
00:01:48.540 From...
00:01:49.420 She kicked you in your shin?
00:01:50.560 Yeah.
00:01:50.860 With shoes on?
00:01:52.480 Well, what happened was she never, like, she never wore a...
00:01:55.640 A burqa or anything.
00:01:58.660 But then all this...
00:01:59.460 Is that the head thing?
00:02:00.180 Yeah, or, like, a hijab.
00:02:01.580 But then all of a sudden she did.
00:02:03.380 But we were all, like, friends with her.
00:02:04.960 Like, it wasn't like we were, you know...
00:02:06.420 How old were you?
00:02:09.760 Middle school.
00:02:10.620 So, like, 12.
00:02:11.500 Yeah, 13.
00:02:13.560 Yeah.
00:02:14.220 And then all of a sudden she started wearing it.
00:02:16.640 But the crazy part was two days before she started wearing it,
00:02:20.900 she burned her forehead, which was massive because she was Ethiopian.
00:02:25.920 But she burned her forehead with, like, a curling iron or something.
00:02:31.500 Or, like, a straightener.
00:02:32.440 What? On purpose?
00:02:33.280 No.
00:02:34.160 But then we all...
00:02:34.840 Really?
00:02:35.320 She came to school and then we're all like, bro, what the fuck happened to your forehead?
00:02:38.800 Like, were you trying to make it smaller?
00:02:40.260 Like, we were, like, roasting.
00:02:41.340 Maybe she got abused.
00:02:43.500 Maybe.
00:02:43.960 And then after that she wore it.
00:02:45.840 Really?
00:02:46.380 She started putting it on.
00:02:47.480 And we were, like, kids.
00:02:49.040 So we would just be like, you don't need to wear that.
00:02:51.680 Just no filter.
00:02:53.760 Well, because she...
00:02:54.380 I mean, if she had always worn it, maybe we would have been more respectful of...
00:02:57.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:02:58.600 But when you know they don't wear it, then they start wearing it.
00:03:01.160 You were like, you just started wearing it because you burned your forehead with a straightener.
00:03:04.820 Yeah.
00:03:05.420 And she was...
00:03:06.360 Anyway, she's now a doctor.
00:03:08.500 No, I don't know what she was saying.
00:03:10.380 You ever look at people from middle school, though, where you're like, what do you do?
00:03:13.280 Like, you ever get curious?
00:03:14.060 You're like, I remember your name.
00:03:16.000 First name, like, I remember everything about you.
00:03:18.300 I wonder what the fuck you're doing.
00:03:20.420 I mean...
00:03:21.260 You never get that.
00:03:21.940 Only if I saw them.
00:03:24.180 But just never in the middle of the night, you never get that.
00:03:26.120 More high school.
00:03:28.740 Maybe high school or, like, university.
00:03:30.520 Just random people in your life when you're younger.
00:03:32.040 You're like, what do they do now?
00:03:33.640 Yeah, most of them do, honestly, nothing.
00:03:36.680 Otherwise, we would probably know them because we're probably doing...
00:03:41.520 Like, they would probably reach out to us, you know what I mean?
00:03:44.300 And be like, yo.
00:03:46.740 Oh, do you get that, too?
00:03:48.000 Do you get people from high school and be like, hey, man, my name's Francis.
00:03:51.600 I went to high school with you, bro.
00:03:53.780 We have mutual friends.
00:03:55.020 Just want to say you're fucking killing it, bro.
00:03:57.180 We're really proud of you back home.
00:03:58.860 You get that?
00:03:59.640 You get that, though?
00:04:01.020 Yeah, you've gotten some of that?
00:04:03.340 Yeah.
00:04:03.980 I have, like, a few.
00:04:05.220 Like, I've had, like, maybe, like...
00:04:06.820 I feel like it happens...
00:04:08.380 It happened, like, two years ago I was getting that.
00:04:10.860 Like, bro!
00:04:11.960 Yeah.
00:04:12.620 But now they're just like, oh, I don't...
00:04:14.340 Shit.
00:04:15.240 Yeah.
00:04:16.180 Like, when I had, like, 40K, they were like, bro, that's crazy.
00:04:19.760 Like, can you give me a free ticket to the...
00:04:22.080 There was, like, some sketchy guy.
00:04:23.500 The free ticket thing.
00:04:24.400 Yeah.
00:04:24.640 People always do that.
00:04:26.420 Can you add a plus one from a girl?
00:04:29.820 What?
00:04:30.320 It does stop because...
00:04:32.160 I mean, you stop answering them, and then they kind of get the program.
00:04:35.340 Or they...
00:04:35.840 But, yeah, people are like, please.
00:04:38.080 There was...
00:04:38.480 I felt really bad at the Toronto show.
00:04:40.860 There was this, like, girl's boyfriend's birthday, and, like, she messaged me and was like, can
00:04:49.000 he please do a meet and greet with you?
00:04:50.700 Like, a VIP for his birthday.
00:04:54.720 And I was like, there's a...
00:04:55.660 I was like, like, this was like four months before the show.
00:04:59.080 And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:05:01.040 And then...
00:05:01.520 So you don't remember when it's coming up.
00:05:02.980 And then she's like, hey, just reminding you.
00:05:07.080 And I was like, there's actually...
00:05:10.920 We're doing an after party, which we did an after party in Toronto, which was kind of...
00:05:15.540 I mean, I didn't organize it.
00:05:16.760 So, like, this club that I'm friends with, the guy who runs it, reached out to me randomly.
00:05:20.920 It was cool.
00:05:21.220 It's good business.
00:05:21.760 It was fine.
00:05:22.380 I mean, it was weird.
00:05:23.500 Like, but...
00:05:24.100 It's good business.
00:05:24.580 Nobody knew who I was.
00:05:25.600 They're like...
00:05:25.920 I'm like, this is my after party.
00:05:27.260 And people are like, who the fuck are you?
00:05:28.880 Like, they're IDing you at the door.
00:05:30.460 Like, yeah.
00:05:31.460 Well, almost.
00:05:32.460 No, they were pretty cool.
00:05:33.480 The door experience was the coolest part, where they came up to the SUV with, like, a line
00:05:38.320 of dudes and, like, opened the door and, like, escorted us to the table.
00:05:43.600 That's when we realized everybody was 21.
00:05:46.160 We're like, oh, fuck.
00:05:46.980 This is retarded.
00:05:48.200 This is retarded.
00:05:49.420 Why am I the headpiece of this?
00:05:52.300 And then we just sat in a weird booth.
00:05:53.900 Just what you described, where you're like, oh, shit, everyone's 21.
00:05:56.940 I guarantee there's some people that went to Epstein's Island and that happened.
00:06:00.960 Yeah.
00:06:01.360 They were like, wait, what the fuck?
00:06:05.180 You know what I mean?
00:06:06.680 Like, oh, no.
00:06:08.100 This is great, but also...
00:06:11.360 Probably should...
00:06:13.740 Oh, is the plane leaves right after it drops us off?
00:06:16.400 Oh, fuck.
00:06:17.760 We're just stuck.
00:06:18.380 But basically, she's just, like...
00:06:25.660 So they came to the after party, and then I didn't even see her.
00:06:29.380 He just came over and was, like, kind of sheepishly, like...
00:06:31.920 And he was kind of, like, mad.
00:06:33.140 I could tell he was mad.
00:06:33.800 Was he handicapped, you said, or something?
00:06:35.340 No, it was just, like, her boyfriend...
00:06:36.520 I mean, probably, but it was just, like, her boyfriend was, like, a big fan of mine.
00:06:40.220 Really?
00:06:40.400 I wanted this VIP.
00:06:41.360 And then he just kind of came up to the table and was, like...
00:06:45.120 Was it loud?
00:06:45.840 And I was, like, are you the guy?
00:06:47.640 Are you the birthday boy?
00:06:50.220 Like, it's fucking Chucky G's.
00:06:51.780 Was it loud?
00:06:53.200 Oh, yeah.
00:06:53.940 So it's just, like, hey, you the guy?
00:06:56.080 Yeah.
00:06:56.780 Oh, brutal.
00:06:58.180 Yeah.
00:06:58.580 That's brutal, dude.
00:06:59.880 And he was, like, yeah.
00:07:01.080 And then I was, like, you could do...
00:07:02.320 Did a shot with us, and then we just kind of ignored him for a second.
00:07:05.940 But, I mean, he could have...
00:07:07.680 I can picture it.
00:07:08.440 I mean, we weren't really into him.
00:07:11.260 He just, like, came over by himself.
00:07:12.640 He didn't even come over with his girl or anything.
00:07:14.380 He was just, like, standing there.
00:07:15.200 Oh, so it was a girl standing by herself?
00:07:15.980 I didn't even know where she was.
00:07:17.260 I couldn't see her.
00:07:17.960 And there's moments where he's really quiet.
00:07:20.500 Yeah.
00:07:20.920 No, well, he was there for, like, three minutes.
00:07:23.040 We took the shot.
00:07:23.800 I was, like, this guy's birthday.
00:07:24.940 Everybody's, like, sick.
00:07:26.400 And then we talked about...
00:07:27.600 And it was just loud, and we just sat there and just walked.
00:07:30.100 He was probably, like, this guy sucks to be around.
00:07:33.000 He was thinking about you.
00:07:35.020 I don't know.
00:07:35.600 Well, he was...
00:07:37.620 I could tell he was upset when he came.
00:07:40.060 I don't know.
00:07:40.740 Well, because it's his birthday, and he was...
00:07:43.320 I guess his girlfriend built up this whole thing.
00:07:45.120 We're going to be backstage with Ben Benkis.
00:07:47.860 Oh, and he was not backstage at all?
00:07:49.700 No.
00:07:50.380 They don't understand, like...
00:07:52.180 Even if you do come backstage, like, what do you think is going to happen?
00:07:55.680 There's also, like, 1,300 people.
00:07:57.940 Yeah.
00:07:58.540 But, like, also, yeah, you could come backstage for five minutes or whatever.
00:08:02.760 I'm sorry.
00:08:03.660 Before the show or after the show?
00:08:05.540 What was that?
00:08:06.580 Fucking push the fucking Siri button.
00:08:09.560 But he wanted to come before the show or after the show backstage?
00:08:12.520 I have no fucking idea.
00:08:13.740 There was two shows.
00:08:14.660 I didn't even know.
00:08:15.260 I think they came to the early one.
00:08:16.740 They went...
00:08:17.080 I'm just like...
00:08:17.740 Because both are back.
00:08:18.420 Just go to the after party.
00:08:19.440 That's what it's for.
00:08:20.020 That's what it's for.
00:08:20.860 Yeah.
00:08:21.080 You were not...
00:08:21.820 This isn't Make-A-Wish.
00:08:23.420 Yeah.
00:08:24.000 Where you just get this...
00:08:25.260 I don't know.
00:08:25.880 I don't know.
00:08:26.240 I mean, I appreciate you coming, but it's...
00:08:28.100 But it's, you know...
00:08:29.040 But it's cool.
00:08:30.260 It's still cool.
00:08:31.020 It's still cool.
00:08:31.820 It's good intentions, but it's just placed a little wrong.
00:08:35.520 It's...
00:08:35.960 Well, it's every...
00:08:36.740 Like, if you told us that 10 years ago when we're, like, doing an open mic, like, one
00:08:42.920 day this is going to happen, we'd be like, that's sick.
00:08:45.000 But then when it's happening, you...
00:08:46.600 But everything, when it happens, you kind of have to be, you know, act like it's not
00:08:50.480 your first...
00:08:52.040 First time.
00:08:52.840 First, you know, you've been here before type show.
00:08:54.760 Bro, that's literally...
00:08:55.780 I feel like at a certain point in comedy, like...
00:08:59.700 Actually, no, you could say, like, in the beginning, too, like, that's all comedy is
00:09:02.620 just acting like you've been there before.
00:09:04.500 Yeah.
00:09:04.860 Just playing it cool.
00:09:06.040 Sometimes it's sad to do that, though, when it's...
00:09:08.520 Really?
00:09:08.960 Oh, I've been to this mic before.
00:09:10.600 I know what this is.
00:09:11.880 But, you know, like, those guys are just like, oh, yeah, it's my room pretty much.
00:09:15.360 I go up when I want.
00:09:18.760 But, yeah, you kind of...
00:09:19.820 You have to act like you...
00:09:20.720 But you can't, like...
00:09:22.320 Like, when you meet someone that's, like, really cool, maybe, like, a famous UFC fighter,
00:09:26.940 so you can't be like, yo, I'm your biggest fucking fan, dude, holy shit, I just...
00:09:29.560 You gotta be like, oh, what's up, bro?
00:09:31.520 Yeah.
00:09:31.920 You good?
00:09:32.800 Yeah.
00:09:33.200 Yeah.
00:09:34.200 There was...
00:09:34.660 Were you there with the world's strongest man or whatever?
00:09:36.940 Yeah, Brian Shaw?
00:09:37.780 We all kind of just...
00:09:39.560 That was impossible to not...
00:09:41.660 Well, yeah, that's the world's strongest man.
00:09:46.040 Seven feet tall.
00:09:47.160 He's literally seven feet tall.
00:09:48.760 It's crazy.
00:09:49.200 That's the other thing is, like, damn, like...
00:09:51.460 He's also really nice and was, like...
00:09:53.540 Super humble.
00:09:54.420 You know, I was in there with Antonio Brown, or I was in Mitzi's with Antonio Brown, and
00:10:00.340 I didn't even make eye contact.
00:10:03.680 I mean, I don't know.
00:10:04.700 Really?
00:10:05.540 Well, he's nice, but...
00:10:08.620 I don't know.
00:10:09.320 He's wearing a helmet.
00:10:10.560 He's wearing an army helmet.
00:10:12.200 I don't know much about him.
00:10:14.080 He probably smoked, like...
00:10:16.060 Yeah, he was smoking blunts the whole time on stage during, like, on Kill Tony.
00:10:20.220 Kill Tony?
00:10:20.340 Yeah.
00:10:21.740 Huh.
00:10:22.300 He's a football player.
00:10:23.600 He was successful, and I think he had CTE.
00:10:26.180 But there was some type of controversy, I know.
00:10:28.320 Recently?
00:10:29.080 No, I'm saying that's why...
00:10:29.880 Yeah, he's had a few.
00:10:30.960 Why he's making a lot of money.
00:10:31.280 It was kind of funny.
00:10:32.320 He did Kill Tony and then just started doing controversial shit.
00:10:35.000 Right after, the episode's, like, not even aired yet.
00:10:37.980 No, I think it did.
00:10:38.680 It did air, but...
00:10:39.580 But Brian Shaw, it's like...
00:10:42.060 You know what I was thinking about?
00:10:43.000 Because everyone is just commenting on his body, and I said to him after, I was like,
00:10:48.660 does that ever get, like, old?
00:10:50.560 Like, anywhere you go, maybe even, like, a dinner party.
00:10:53.840 Definitely.
00:10:54.300 If you go to get seconds, people are like, oh, you know, Brian wants seconds.
00:10:58.280 You gotta keep...
00:10:59.100 You know?
00:10:59.600 And he's like, yeah, it does.
00:11:02.160 He's like, everything just becomes about my size wherever I go.
00:11:05.700 You know what I mean?
00:11:06.320 That must get...
00:11:06.780 Shut up, bro.
00:11:10.760 Then why'd you work out that hard?
00:11:12.500 Yeah.
00:11:12.720 You know what I mean?
00:11:13.280 Like, you know what you're doing.
00:11:14.020 You go on his Instagram, all he's doing, he's, like, lifting cars and shit.
00:11:16.680 And you're like, bro, obviously people are gonna be like, yo, that's...
00:11:20.640 That's crazy.
00:11:22.180 Comedy's...
00:11:22.860 Like, nobody...
00:11:23.540 Like, I love when people...
00:11:24.760 Like, you ever show up somewhere, and then people find out you're a comedian, and you're
00:11:27.340 like, hey, you're a comedian?
00:11:28.520 Not very funny.
00:11:29.560 Like, they don't even know you, but they just say that, and you're like...
00:11:33.360 It's like...
00:11:33.940 Girls do that line.
00:11:34.720 It's like the opposite of every other, like, famous person's...
00:11:39.640 Well, not famous, but, like, somebody who's, like, trying to do something on social media.
00:11:44.520 You know what I mean?
00:11:45.000 Like, I don't know.
00:11:46.880 Most people are like, that's amazing.
00:11:48.340 But, like, with comedy, people are like, funny?
00:11:50.900 Yeah, you?
00:11:51.780 Yeah.
00:11:52.100 Like, it's crazy.
00:11:54.140 It's kind of amazing, though.
00:11:55.280 I know what you mean, yeah.
00:11:56.400 I love that vibe.
00:11:57.340 You think you got what it takes?
00:11:59.220 It's kind of like...
00:11:59.980 It's kind of like fighting videos.
00:12:01.900 They're like, man, I'd fuck him up.
00:12:03.780 But it's like...
00:12:04.620 Yeah, they...
00:12:05.940 Those are the guys who are...
00:12:06.900 You can't fight.
00:12:07.300 Those guys will be your best fans for life, because then they'll, like, follow your shit,
00:12:10.880 and, like, two weeks later, they'll message you and be like, bro, this is pretty good.
00:12:14.280 Yeah, and they'll even tell you, like, straight up, they'll be like,
00:12:16.460 at first, I thought you were, like, kind of corny.
00:12:18.220 I'll be honest with you.
00:12:19.080 But then I was like, nah, you're kind of funny, though.
00:12:21.120 You're kind of funny, though.
00:12:22.620 Yeah.
00:12:23.720 Yeah, comics are very in their head about, like, what they're doing, and we're very, like,
00:12:27.300 like, I'm trying to be an artist.
00:12:29.280 And then it's like, where are you this week?
00:12:31.400 It's like...
00:12:32.040 I'm at the Funny Bone in Albany, New York.
00:12:35.700 And the people going there...
00:12:37.060 I mean, yeah, you're fans.
00:12:38.260 And then there's other people.
00:12:40.260 I mean, I don't know.
00:12:41.260 Everybody's fans are just regular people.
00:12:43.620 Yeah.
00:12:44.040 You know what I'm saying?
00:12:44.700 We're not performing for, like, fucking aristocrats.
00:12:48.160 No, no.
00:12:49.320 It's not a bunch of, like, teachers.
00:12:51.420 In Canada, it's...
00:12:53.060 Like, my crowd is kind of a little bit...
00:12:55.440 Like, there's some, like, not famous, but, like, people who are, like, high up in random
00:13:00.200 things.
00:13:00.900 Something, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:01.800 And they just, like, real estate.
00:13:03.060 In their world, yeah.
00:13:03.920 They're, like, doing well.
00:13:05.040 And they're just, like, into my shit.
00:13:07.040 I guess it is, like, some of my shit is kind of, like, rich guy comedy a little bit, where
00:13:10.540 it's, like, you can't really laugh at this unless you have your life together.
00:13:13.840 You're, like...
00:13:14.260 For them, you're, like, comedy cocaine.
00:13:16.520 Yeah.
00:13:17.320 Whereas, like, if I did that joke for, like, a really poor person who, like, lived in, like,
00:13:20.420 Section 8 housing, they'd be, like, yo, that shit ain't funny, motherfucker.
00:13:24.180 You know what I mean?
00:13:24.740 Yeah, right.
00:13:26.280 Yeah.
00:13:26.600 It has to be, like, an understanding that, like...
00:13:29.520 I don't know.
00:13:31.020 No, I don't know.
00:13:31.400 You make comedy for the elite, and I'm just kidding.
00:13:34.260 Yeah.
00:13:34.520 That's what you're saying.
00:13:35.080 But that's what we all think in our head.
00:13:37.820 But then we actually go out, and it's some guy being, like, bro, that was corny, but,
00:13:41.780 like, then it got, like, funny for a second.
00:13:43.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:44.560 So, like...
00:13:45.680 Or they ask you, like, how do I get started?
00:13:49.140 That's the worst when somebody, like, they're, like, I'm your biggest fan of all this shit,
00:13:53.740 and then you think they're, like, so sick.
00:13:55.700 Like, as a fan, you're, like, this guy's, like, this is sick.
00:13:58.460 This is a good fan.
00:13:59.200 And then he's, like, yeah, I do stand-up.
00:14:00.600 You're, like, fuck.
00:14:01.520 Yeah, you're, like, damn.
00:14:02.400 But the only reason you like me is because you see that I'm doing well, so you're, like,
00:14:09.380 I'm a fan of that.
00:14:10.420 Like, we've all been there.
00:14:11.520 Yeah, yeah.
00:14:12.420 It's like you're hooking up with a girl, and you find out she has a dick.
00:14:16.660 Yeah.
00:14:17.160 Wait, why is it?
00:14:17.860 Is it like that?
00:14:18.600 When you find out, like, they're also a comic.
00:14:20.560 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:14:21.240 I forgot what we were talking about for a second.
00:14:24.860 I was, like, wait.
00:14:26.380 We're expanding ice.
00:14:29.540 We're no longer looking for MS-13 members.
00:14:32.100 We're looking for Canadians who might have taken a hit of a vape.
00:14:36.340 I wonder if they would.
00:14:37.720 Yeah, that's funny.
00:14:40.080 No, but we started talking about, like, the people from, like, high school.
00:14:43.440 I had a few people from university.
00:14:45.660 Did you go to college at all?
00:14:47.240 No, I didn't go to college.
00:14:48.180 I'm, like, the most un-Asian Asian you'll ever meet.
00:14:50.360 Like, that's, yeah.
00:14:51.860 Like, I never went to college.
00:14:53.260 I got arrested in high school.
00:14:55.000 I went to summer school, like, half the time.
00:14:57.420 I didn't walk with my class.
00:15:00.720 You know what I mean?
00:15:01.880 Just a normal.
00:15:03.040 You assimilated.
00:15:06.440 I was going to, like, AA at, like, 18.
00:15:08.480 Went to AA?
00:15:09.440 Yeah.
00:15:09.940 Wait, why?
00:15:10.940 Because, like, I didn't, after high school, like I said, I didn't go to college.
00:15:14.220 So, like, I took a year.
00:15:16.900 I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I wasn't doing anything.
00:15:18.520 Should I go to Harvard or should I go to alcoholics?
00:15:21.260 I couldn't even get it.
00:15:22.240 I couldn't get it in any college.
00:15:24.240 So, I was just drinking by myself all the time.
00:15:26.780 And then my friend was talking about AA meetings.
00:15:29.880 And then I went.
00:15:30.700 And then on the back of, like, the pamphlet, there's, like, a 20-question thing.
00:15:36.540 Like, and if you get more than, like, three or four yeses to the questions, they're like, you're an alcoholic.
00:15:40.420 Mm-hmm.
00:15:41.800 So, you know, the questions would be, like, have you ever regretted drinking the night before?
00:15:45.660 And I'd be like, you know, they kind of, like, bait you.
00:15:47.240 I mean, they want you there.
00:15:48.420 That's what I'm saying.
00:15:49.740 Yeah.
00:15:50.020 So, you did it, though?
00:15:51.040 I did it.
00:15:51.820 And then I just realized I was, like, I kind of knew I didn't have a problem just from hearing people share their stories.
00:15:58.260 I was like, oh, I cannot relate to this at all.
00:16:00.700 You know, they're talking about how they crashed their car and their fucking kid fucking got, you know, blasted out the window and they died.
00:16:09.200 You know, like, shit like that.
00:16:10.700 And you're like, yo, like, I skipped a couple classes.
00:16:13.340 You know what I mean?
00:16:15.480 I didn't go to science class, doggy.
00:16:18.100 Yo, you ever been late to study, Hall?
00:16:20.060 I mean, I've had friends that have done AA and it definitely ruined their life.
00:16:26.460 Oh, yeah.
00:16:27.160 I mean, it just made them into this person where, I mean,
00:16:30.100 and obviously it works for some people.
00:16:32.200 You ever watch The Sopranos?
00:16:33.000 Were you sober for, like, a while after that or no?
00:16:35.700 Well, I just wasn't drinking.
00:16:37.260 Do you ever watch The Sopranos?
00:16:38.660 I haven't watched it, but I do like it.
00:16:41.260 Well, this next story is not going to mean anything then.
00:16:43.820 But, well, he's been in a bunch of shit.
00:16:45.500 But there was this guy.
00:16:46.580 He's kind of like a well-known actor.
00:16:47.900 He was, like, my sponsor.
00:16:49.520 Oh.
00:16:50.140 And that kind of, like, helped me, like, keep doing it.
00:16:55.260 Yeah.
00:16:55.680 Because I just wanted to hang out with him.
00:16:57.360 Mm-hmm.
00:16:58.220 And, yeah.
00:17:01.060 That's sick.
00:17:02.080 So, like.
00:17:02.780 So you were faking it.
00:17:03.840 I was, like, kind of faking it.
00:17:05.220 You'd just show up and be like, bro, sober as fuck.
00:17:08.260 No, I would.
00:17:09.160 Just being drinking.
00:17:11.020 The thing is, I wasn't drinking.
00:17:13.160 But, like, I would just, I just, you know, I just really.
00:17:16.040 You just got a free mentor in the showbiz, kind of.
00:17:18.560 That's what I'm saying.
00:17:19.360 That's how I looked at it.
00:17:20.320 Yeah.
00:17:20.900 And then, like, I think he was, like, catching on, though.
00:17:25.760 You're, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:26.880 The alcohol.
00:17:27.480 Anyway, so, like, when did you do your first movie?
00:17:28.980 No, that's literally what it was, dude.
00:17:30.640 One time I was, like, I was, like.
00:17:32.340 Because he was in Bad Boys 1 and 2.
00:17:34.380 And I was, like, is there going to be a Bad Boys 3?
00:17:36.180 And he's, like, enough with the fucking movie questions.
00:17:38.980 He's, like, I'm trying to save your fucking life.
00:17:41.220 And I was, like, I was, like, oh, shit.
00:17:45.740 Wow.
00:17:46.500 And that's when you started drinking again.
00:17:49.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:17:49.880 You're, like, fuck it.
00:17:50.800 Yeah.
00:17:51.240 But he caught, I think he was, like, catching on one time.
00:17:53.500 Because, like, he was, like, Andre, you should go to acting school in Manhattan.
00:17:56.980 And I was, like, really?
00:17:58.200 Why?
00:17:58.480 And he's, like, because you're a really good liar.
00:18:00.760 And I was, like.
00:18:01.600 Jesus.
00:18:02.180 I was, like, oh, fuck.
00:18:03.000 I was, like.
00:18:03.760 That's crazy.
00:18:04.460 I was, like, 18.
00:18:06.420 Wow.
00:18:06.840 But when you're an 18-year-old kid.
00:18:07.860 Because you lied to him about drinking?
00:18:09.920 About, I think.
00:18:10.480 He didn't have a problem.
00:18:11.960 So you just were, like, one day.
00:18:13.340 You fessed up to him that you didn't have a problem?
00:18:15.060 Or you just realized you didn't?
00:18:16.080 No, I think maybe he could tell by the way I would.
00:18:19.220 I was.
00:18:19.980 Like, bro, my life's actually not that bad.
00:18:21.820 Yeah.
00:18:22.660 I'm going to go play video games after this and hang out with my parents.
00:18:25.660 That's literally what it was.
00:18:26.840 Yeah.
00:18:27.500 But when you're 18 and all your friends went to college, you got nothing to do.
00:18:30.980 And then you're in this weird world and people are introduced.
00:18:33.300 And then I was just, like, I got nothing better to do.
00:18:37.280 Did you hang out with your parents at all?
00:18:39.620 I don't.
00:18:40.260 I was just getting high and.
00:18:44.040 Damn.
00:18:44.600 Yeah.
00:18:44.880 I mean, that's the same thing that people do at college.
00:18:48.000 Like, they just fuck around.
00:18:49.640 Like, I fucked around.
00:18:50.940 I just drank.
00:18:51.840 Yeah.
00:18:52.040 Because you're just a shithead kid.
00:18:54.140 We had a lot of fun, though.
00:18:55.360 You know what I mean?
00:18:56.460 It was.
00:18:57.020 It was very fun.
00:18:57.980 Drinking's getting.
00:18:58.440 And it wasn't.
00:18:59.020 It was.
00:18:59.280 It was pretty innocent.
00:19:00.480 Like, it was pretty.
00:19:02.200 Like, there were some kids who were doing, like, hard drugs and stuff.
00:19:04.620 But, like, not really.
00:19:05.940 Like, most of the kids just drank.
00:19:08.780 Yeah.
00:19:09.160 Can I tell you that?
00:19:09.800 Drinking's, like, not fun, though.
00:19:11.220 How old are you?
00:19:13.660 30.
00:19:14.600 Yeah.
00:19:14.960 I mean, it's still fun.
00:19:17.480 It's just.
00:19:17.900 It depends who you're with and what you're trying to fucking do.
00:19:20.740 You know what I mean?
00:19:21.460 It's.
00:19:21.940 Yeah.
00:19:22.320 Like, I could do a show and I want to have a drink at the show and I'll have a drink at
00:19:26.520 the show.
00:19:27.400 And then after the show, I'm like, I don't want to keep drinking.
00:19:29.960 Right.
00:19:30.380 You know what I'm saying?
00:19:31.000 Right.
00:19:31.680 Like, I don't.
00:19:32.780 I can just go back to the hotel room after, like, two or three drinks and be like, that's
00:19:37.220 it.
00:19:37.460 Like, I'm not like, I need to get to the next spot.
00:19:40.140 We need to figure out.
00:19:41.680 Like, for me, the drinking.
00:19:43.040 The fun part is I'm at my show.
00:19:45.620 After that.
00:19:46.400 Yeah.
00:19:46.620 Then you're chasing it.
00:19:48.060 You know what I'm saying?
00:19:49.240 Yeah.
00:19:50.140 That's why fucking Dave Chappelle and those guys, they'll do a weekend and they don't leave
00:19:54.540 the green room.
00:19:55.520 They just party.
00:19:56.140 They don't leave the green room.
00:19:57.460 They just they need a room.
00:19:59.520 Can I smoke?
00:20:00.320 I don't even ask for permission.
00:20:02.380 They just start smoking in it.
00:20:04.160 They start smoking weed.
00:20:05.500 They start drinking.
00:20:06.320 And that's like the punchline Houston.
00:20:08.500 I did it.
00:20:09.500 And I guess it had just opened maybe within that year.
00:20:13.680 And Dave Chappelle was the first weekend they basically opened.
00:20:17.220 And he was like, yeah, I want to come and do the weekend.
00:20:19.640 I'll sell it out for you.
00:20:20.580 And I just want to be able to hang out and like sold it out and just hung out there till 5
00:20:25.580 a.m.
00:20:27.080 You know, just like hanging.
00:20:28.980 Do you think they're just like chasing the high from the show?
00:20:31.420 They just want it to last as long as possible.
00:20:33.840 I think just the older you get as a stand up, like you start not wanting to.
00:20:40.160 I mean, it's the reason that everybody wants to hang out at Mitzi's for so long.
00:20:43.220 And then it's like people are like, like we could have went for Hans Kim.
00:20:46.620 We all should have went to his birthday party.
00:20:48.280 I don't know.
00:20:49.420 Apparently it was really fun.
00:20:50.520 I went.
00:20:51.300 Did you go?
00:20:52.640 Yeah.
00:20:53.540 Yeah, we went.
00:20:54.340 I'm just kidding.
00:20:55.040 Uh, no, but people are like, that's what they ask you at the border.
00:20:59.840 Did you go to Hans Kim?
00:21:00.820 Yeah.
00:21:05.740 We went to the creek.
00:21:06.900 Like people are comics just want to be like, let's go hang at the creek.
00:21:09.940 Let's go hang at the thing.
00:21:11.300 Let's go.
00:21:11.840 Is it loneliness?
00:21:13.120 What is that?
00:21:13.820 Like, are we lonely?
00:21:15.120 What is that?
00:21:16.240 It's sad.
00:21:17.240 It's sad.
00:21:17.820 Yeah, it's definitely not good.
00:21:19.820 I mean, or, but also, I mean, at the upper echelons, it's fame that would keep you from
00:21:26.340 not wanting to go to big public places and be like, let's try to have fun.
00:21:29.840 Like, it's fun sometimes if you're in the mood to be like, I'm going to get like, if
00:21:34.240 you're Dave Chappelle level fame, you're going to have, you're like high on your own.
00:21:38.600 I'd rather just be in a room with people, you know, having, that's the best time with
00:21:42.220 the security guards at the doors and you're smoking.
00:21:44.900 It's kind of like siphoning your own fame doing that.
00:21:48.800 Like dipping your toe and being like, let's see how many people.
00:21:52.060 In your own shit, just literally.
00:21:54.200 I mean, it's going to happen no matter what, because you're going to have to be in certain
00:21:58.600 places, but I don't think, like, I think most people don't seek it out.
00:22:02.240 That's what I mean.
00:22:02.780 Yeah.
00:22:02.980 Or even the ones that did like, what's her name?
00:22:06.080 Like Hilton, the Hilton chick, the Paris Hilton, like her whole thing was, I'm like, she
00:22:12.500 was making money off being famous.
00:22:13.800 So it's like, go to this club, go to this nightclub, go here.
00:22:18.100 That's what it was.
00:22:19.300 But that's different, I guess, because she's getting paid for it.
00:22:21.840 But no, it's, it's, it's not as fun to drink and go do a bunch of stuff, but it's fun to
00:22:29.500 drink in one spot until you don't want to anymore.
00:22:31.960 And then go home and go to sleep.
00:22:34.060 I remember, I remember one time when I was like a year and a half in and, uh, you know,
00:22:37.640 Steve Byrne, he's a comic headline.
00:22:40.880 He's like New York.
00:22:42.160 He's like kind of willing, but he asked me to do a guest spot at Gotham when I was like
00:22:45.440 a year and a half in, just because he saw I was Asian.
00:22:47.900 I was like hanging out at the cell and he's like, you want to do a guest spot for me at
00:22:50.220 Gotham tomorrow?
00:22:50.660 It's like Saturday night show.
00:22:51.740 I was like, yeah.
00:22:53.200 I was like so nervous.
00:22:54.180 I was a year and a half in.
00:22:55.060 Is he Asian?
00:22:55.980 He's like half Korean.
00:22:57.200 Oh, I know who you're talking about.
00:22:58.400 Isn't he, is he Canadian?
00:23:00.000 No, no, he's from Pittsburgh.
00:23:01.140 Steve Byrne?
00:23:01.560 Yeah.
00:23:01.820 He wears a tux, right?
00:23:03.020 Yeah.
00:23:03.400 Yeah.
00:23:03.660 He's from Pittsburgh.
00:23:04.840 But, uh, so I go there and, uh, they're like Seinfeld's popping in.
00:23:09.920 So you can't go on.
00:23:10.840 And I was kind of like, thank God.
00:23:12.540 Cause I'm a year and a half in.
00:23:14.080 Right.
00:23:14.440 And I suck.
00:23:15.740 And this is a sold out stat.
00:23:17.320 I was like, I can't.
00:23:18.180 And then they're like, but if he, it was like, we'll let you know if he, if he just does
00:23:22.180 like a short time.
00:23:22.800 And I was like, fuck.
00:23:24.120 And then, um, he brought, and then there's a black dude that walks in and I'm hanging
00:23:28.700 in the back and it was like Chappelle.
00:23:30.740 And I was like, oh shit.
00:23:32.840 And I hear him talk.
00:23:33.700 I love how you didn't just say Chappelle walks in.
00:23:35.760 And you're like, no, cause at first I didn't know he had like a hood on.
00:23:38.760 So I just thought it was just some black dude.
00:23:40.380 Wow.
00:23:40.720 And then I saw like the white in his eyes and I was like, that looked like, and then I
00:23:45.120 see him talking to the owner in the back.
00:23:46.920 I'm the only one person that can like hear this.
00:23:48.840 The owner's like, how much time did you want to do?
00:23:51.380 This is like a headline show and they're just popping in.
00:23:54.040 It's not even how much time are you doing?
00:23:55.300 He's like, how much time did you?
00:23:56.520 And he's, I was like, I'm just going to do a little bit.
00:23:58.740 We, we're going to go ahead to the fights after this.
00:24:00.880 Triple G was fighting at the garden.
00:24:02.160 And, um, the owner was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:07.300 Uh, yeah, it's cool.
00:24:08.120 And then Chappelle was like, can I smoke up there?
00:24:11.620 And the owner was like, man, health commission's going to be up my ass, dude.
00:24:17.280 And Chappelle was like, nah, all right.
00:24:19.740 Well, I just figured cause I'm never here, you know?
00:24:22.900 And there's like a moment of silence and the owner goes, you know what?
00:24:26.320 Fuck it.
00:24:26.660 Smoke a, smoke a whole pack up there.
00:24:28.000 I don't give a fuck.
00:24:29.100 And I was like, whoa.
00:24:30.660 I was like, yeah.
00:24:32.800 Just like a year and a half in watching that happen.
00:24:34.540 I was like, I could, I can't even get a free water bottle at the club.
00:24:37.820 You know what I mean?
00:24:38.980 That's incredible to see a year and a half in.
00:24:41.060 You know what I mean?
00:24:41.460 That's crazy.
00:24:41.940 The fact that Chappelle, like he, like, he kind of like power played him.
00:24:44.180 He's like, no, I just figured cause I'm never here, you know?
00:24:46.760 And he just kind of stared at him.
00:24:49.260 Yeah.
00:24:49.580 I think the, that's crazy, right?
00:24:51.780 It's nice when you go to a club and they go, you can smoke.
00:24:55.040 And when other clubs, honestly, when the bigger comics do it and nothing bad happens, the clubs
00:25:00.240 kind of go, I guess everybody can kind of do this cause who gives a shit?
00:25:04.600 Right.
00:25:04.760 What does it matter?
00:25:05.380 It's like, what's the worst case scenario?
00:25:08.100 You know what I mean?
00:25:08.700 We're in, I get it.
00:25:11.300 I guess New York is probably the worst place to do it.
00:25:14.260 Is it so small?
00:25:14.860 Just cause it's like tight and not really, but even like the stand, you know, I mean, it's
00:25:21.160 also the kitchen.
00:25:22.380 He smokes there too.
00:25:23.460 But I want to smoke there.
00:25:25.880 Dude, have you ever smoked on stage?
00:25:29.180 Yes.
00:25:30.360 Not indoor.
00:25:32.540 It's gotta be indoors for it to count.
00:25:34.900 Yeah.
00:25:35.280 Outdoors doesn't count.
00:25:36.060 I think I have, but I forget what the circumstance was.
00:25:39.120 Dude, I feel like you smoking a cigarette on stage, that would be so badass.
00:25:42.360 Cause you're like a true smoker.
00:25:44.500 It would be.
00:25:45.500 You know what I mean?
00:25:46.160 You must still have the style for it.
00:25:47.240 During COVID.
00:25:49.600 That's where we're outside, but.
00:25:51.900 Yeah.
00:25:53.460 Every show was outside.
00:25:54.580 So we just fucking smoked the whole time.
00:25:56.280 How did you feel when you were like doing it and doing your jokes?
00:25:59.040 Like, did you feel like it helped you a little bit?
00:26:00.700 It felt great.
00:26:01.240 Yeah.
00:26:01.500 That's what I'm saying.
00:26:02.280 I feel like it's so natural for you.
00:26:04.340 It felt just.
00:26:05.240 You felt better, right?
00:26:06.880 I mean, it's better.
00:26:08.020 I don't know if it's.
00:26:08.740 I kind of don't think about it, though, when I'm on stage.
00:26:12.340 You know what I mean?
00:26:12.860 Like, I'm sometimes I do, but I don't.
00:26:17.380 Okay.
00:26:17.460 But say we lived in a world where you were allowed to do it all the time.
00:26:22.500 And would you be doing it all the time then?
00:26:25.120 Like, if they were like.
00:26:25.680 Probably end up only having like two.
00:26:27.720 Well, I don't know, man.
00:26:29.340 Might become like a slippery slope.
00:26:32.440 So Bill Hicks smoked a lot on stage.
00:26:35.160 Did he really?
00:26:35.940 All the comedy clubs used to be just like the ultimate place where people smoked.
00:26:41.500 Like, you know what I mean?
00:26:42.740 Like in the 80s, early 80s, before they really implemented that shit.
00:26:45.740 Even at restaurants.
00:26:46.620 When I was a kid, people used to just light up.
00:26:48.640 Yeah.
00:26:48.920 But during comedy, they'd be drinking, smoking.
00:26:51.660 And they're all.
00:26:52.080 But they're all facing you.
00:26:53.360 So you're getting everybody's smoke, which was.
00:26:56.120 I think that's why so many comics.
00:26:57.860 Even in the crowd.
00:26:59.080 Yeah.
00:26:59.320 It's like 300 people smoking, blowing it in your face.
00:27:02.920 It's like those old.
00:27:03.600 Yeah.
00:27:03.920 It's like a Vegas show.
00:27:06.100 It's kind of sick.
00:27:06.440 Yeah.
00:27:06.620 It is pretty sick.
00:27:07.640 Yeah.
00:27:07.740 I feel like that's the thing.
00:27:08.580 If it was allowed, I feel like so many more people would be doing that.
00:27:12.940 I feel like if that shit was like COVID never would have happened if everybody was just
00:27:16.720 smoking indoors, bro.
00:27:18.740 Right.
00:27:18.960 I feel like that shit kind of kills it.
00:27:20.760 Like.
00:27:21.480 Just kills the joke.
00:27:22.060 That's why they're just like, we want you to be healthy as possible so you can get sick.
00:27:26.220 Yeah.
00:27:26.680 Yeah.
00:27:26.880 Yeah.
00:27:27.360 I don't know.
00:27:28.120 But it is nice.
00:27:30.140 You do feel good in a comedy club when they go, just do whatever you want.
00:27:34.340 Oh, yeah.
00:27:35.820 Do whatever you want.
00:27:36.760 You ever smoke weed on stage?
00:27:38.940 That.
00:27:39.660 I don't think I would like that.
00:27:41.220 I think that would be good.
00:27:41.660 I've never smoked weed in my entire life.
00:27:43.560 Oh, yeah.
00:27:44.020 I keep fucking.
00:27:45.340 Sucks.
00:27:46.580 Keep.
00:27:46.960 I have to get like.
00:27:48.240 I have to be like a fucking green card holder, like citizen to like have that not matter.
00:27:53.240 It's so weird.
00:27:53.900 I mean, it's so obviously probably wouldn't happen.
00:27:56.360 But I have.
00:27:57.760 How close are you to the green card?
00:28:01.280 Like I could probably get it this time around or I'll have to wait three years.
00:28:07.540 So either I'll get it like in the next.
00:28:10.060 I'll start it soon or start in two years.
00:28:15.100 That's so weird.
00:28:15.940 Is your wife American?
00:28:17.280 No.
00:28:17.840 No?
00:28:18.320 No.
00:28:18.540 You guys are both in the same ship, literally.
00:28:23.660 She's from Canada?
00:28:24.740 Mm-hmm.
00:28:25.400 Both.
00:28:26.040 All right.
00:28:27.880 Didn't know I was in a house full of commies.
00:28:30.600 Yeah.
00:28:31.260 Didn't know I came to enemy territory.
00:28:33.960 Only my son's American.
00:28:37.140 I didn't know I came to a diplomatic building.
00:28:40.400 For real.
00:28:43.680 Jesus.
00:28:44.420 Okay.
00:28:45.120 Yeah.
00:28:45.460 It's like the UN building in here.
00:28:47.000 Yeah.
00:28:47.340 It's a whole situation.
00:28:50.080 But it's good.
00:28:50.920 It's a situation.
00:28:52.620 Yeah.
00:28:54.800 My buddy says that I'm a lot like the...
00:28:57.000 Tony Soprano?
00:28:57.600 Yeah.
00:28:58.000 Yeah.
00:28:58.200 You have like Tony Soprano like mannerisms.
00:29:00.740 We're going to be deported, son.
00:29:06.200 Yeah.
00:29:06.960 No, not at all.
00:29:08.200 But I did have...
00:29:09.000 This is funny, but...
00:29:10.140 So my...
00:29:11.560 Like the visa that I'm on right now,
00:29:14.140 the lawyer that was working on it for me,
00:29:18.140 after Trump won, she like went nuts.
00:29:21.240 And she like sent out an email to everybody that...
00:29:24.000 Like I don't know if you're safe in the country
00:29:25.740 like with your visas and like some...
00:29:28.020 And like it was obvious that she was having
00:29:29.360 like a mental breakdown.
00:29:30.220 Yeah, yeah.
00:29:30.820 And then...
00:29:31.320 She's just reacting.
00:29:32.440 Yeah.
00:29:32.900 So then I was trying to do the green card with her
00:29:35.240 or maybe just renew my thing,
00:29:36.760 which I didn't have to do yet
00:29:38.380 because it was only a year in to a three-year thing.
00:29:41.560 But she's like,
00:29:43.340 I'm sorry, but I can't help you with your green card
00:29:46.220 and I won't help you with your renewal either.
00:29:48.560 I was like, why?
00:29:49.640 And she's like, damn.
00:29:51.200 Just...
00:29:51.880 I feel like you're supporting fascism.
00:29:54.740 She was like, you support fascism.
00:29:56.480 You support...
00:29:57.860 She's like, you work at Joe Rogan's
00:30:00.100 Comedy Club
00:30:00.800 and Tony Hinchcliffe
00:30:03.440 and this...
00:30:05.000 It was right after like the...
00:30:06.200 She literally brought up the Puerto Rico joke.
00:30:10.920 Oh, really?
00:30:11.340 In a Zoom call.
00:30:12.280 Oh, so she's like that.
00:30:13.700 Yeah.
00:30:14.260 She's a fuck...
00:30:14.920 Yeah, she's just an idiot.
00:30:15.700 So she was like, I can't work.
00:30:16.820 So I have...
00:30:17.660 Like I have other lawyer now,
00:30:19.500 but it's just like hilarious that...
00:30:21.580 That's so crazy though
00:30:22.580 that you need a green card
00:30:24.020 to live here in Afghanistan.
00:30:26.400 Yeah.
00:30:27.680 Here and Afghanistan?
00:30:29.080 Here in Afghanistan.
00:30:30.020 You call this Afghanistan?
00:30:31.300 Where we are.
00:30:32.000 You think?
00:30:32.560 We're recording.
00:30:33.320 No, I'm just kidding.
00:30:34.320 I did see a few of them outside.
00:30:37.200 Did you really?
00:30:37.980 Yeah.
00:30:38.720 With the full...
00:30:39.460 Texas heat with the burkas.
00:30:42.200 It's crazy.
00:30:44.060 But they love it.
00:30:45.140 Yeah.
00:30:45.380 It's like, what are you,
00:30:46.320 cutting weight?
00:30:48.500 That's where they invented it,
00:30:49.960 I guess, in the fucking hot.
00:30:51.440 What are you,
00:30:51.800 fighting at featherweight in the UFC?
00:30:53.680 They invented it
00:30:54.440 in the fucking desert,
00:30:56.280 so it kind of makes sense.
00:30:59.120 But, yeah, it's...
00:31:02.440 Have you read any of these books?
00:31:03.840 What is this?
00:31:05.520 The Koran.
00:31:07.920 The concise laws of human...
00:31:09.680 Somebody just posted this
00:31:10.980 in their story last night.
00:31:12.660 Isn't this just the 48 Laws of Power?
00:31:15.320 Yeah.
00:31:15.940 Let me see it.
00:31:16.600 It says the 48 Laws of Power.
00:31:18.080 Yeah, it's...
00:31:18.880 No, it's...
00:31:19.580 Why is the page all fucked up?
00:31:22.500 48 Laws.
00:31:22.940 No, it's from the guy who wrote it.
00:31:24.820 It's a different book.
00:31:25.600 47 Laws of Simping.
00:31:27.840 Robert Greene.
00:31:29.000 But it's the same guy...
00:31:30.040 But it says...
00:31:30.580 Oh, okay.
00:31:31.000 I see.
00:31:31.240 I see.
00:31:32.380 He's a lot of...
00:31:33.340 Yeah.
00:31:33.920 He's written a few books.
00:31:35.220 I got a collection of his books.
00:31:36.700 Do you really?
00:31:37.280 Yeah.
00:31:37.420 He's a really good writer,
00:31:38.100 but he has a book called
00:31:38.880 The Art of Seduction.
00:31:40.020 Do you have that one?
00:31:40.900 I think it's right there.
00:31:42.260 Oh, really?
00:31:42.900 But I haven't read it yet.
00:31:43.700 But then...
00:31:44.700 They're all the same, really.
00:31:46.180 Yeah, but then you look at a picture of him
00:31:47.620 and you're like,
00:31:48.000 who are you seducing?
00:31:49.240 Is it about...
00:31:49.780 Is it about sexual seduction, though?
00:31:52.340 Have you read it?
00:31:53.360 No, but I've heard him talk about it
00:31:54.820 like in interviews
00:31:55.380 and it's about like, yeah,
00:31:56.700 like trying to...
00:31:57.620 It is?
00:31:58.340 Yeah.
00:31:58.960 Hmm.
00:32:00.380 I guess I shouldn't read that one.
00:32:05.860 Just to know.
00:32:06.420 My wife will be like,
00:32:07.140 why the fuck are you reading that?
00:32:09.160 Why are you reading The Art of Seduction
00:32:11.040 in front of me?
00:32:14.220 No, then I just have some random...
00:32:15.540 I've got like all those religious books,
00:32:17.780 the Holy Bible.
00:32:18.580 Oh, here it is.
00:32:19.460 The Art of Seduction.
00:32:19.940 You really have all of these?
00:32:21.580 Yeah.
00:32:22.140 Oh, my God.
00:32:22.380 It's a pack.
00:32:23.160 They come...
00:32:24.100 Guys, what a faggy.
00:32:27.140 I'm just kidding.
00:32:28.340 Can I borrow this?
00:32:31.560 Yeah.
00:32:32.100 Yeah?
00:32:32.780 You're not.
00:32:33.220 Come on.
00:32:33.480 Let me see that.
00:32:33.880 You have a wife.
00:32:34.200 What do you need this for?
00:32:34.960 You have a wife
00:32:35.440 and fucking two beautiful kids.
00:32:36.920 What do you need that for?
00:32:37.360 You actually want to borrow it?
00:32:38.460 Yeah.
00:32:38.760 You've mastered that book.
00:32:39.920 Oh, my God.
00:32:40.840 You are the last...
00:32:41.760 Lure the target deep into your seduction.
00:32:45.640 Jesus Christ.
00:32:46.760 All right.
00:32:47.560 I don't know if you want to read this one.
00:32:50.060 Most of the time,
00:32:50.660 people struggle to maintain security
00:32:52.100 and sense of balance in their lives.
00:32:53.780 Oh, I thought it was drugging people.
00:32:56.400 Just fucking put it...
00:32:57.700 Just spun it real quick.
00:32:59.920 I think...
00:33:00.600 I don't know if it's actually sexual.
00:33:04.140 It's sexual.
00:33:04.820 When you say seduction...
00:33:05.540 It is.
00:33:06.040 But I mean, like, every...
00:33:06.880 I mean, it's...
00:33:07.540 It's shaped like a pussy.
00:33:08.800 The fucking...
00:33:09.420 You know what I mean?
00:33:10.040 Yeah.
00:33:10.820 He knows what he's doing.
00:33:12.280 Seduction.
00:33:14.180 What do you think about
00:33:15.160 when you say seduction?
00:33:16.200 You think about fucking...
00:33:17.620 Take it.
00:33:18.300 Right?
00:33:19.660 I'll borrow it.
00:33:20.380 Do you need it?
00:33:21.760 Yeah.
00:33:22.280 I'm single.
00:33:23.400 No family.
00:33:25.480 You having trouble out there?
00:33:27.940 I feel like you're not.
00:33:30.900 Let me turn this off.
00:33:31.800 No, I'm just...
00:33:32.440 This guy just started devolving
00:33:38.080 into reading the books
00:33:39.020 after we talked about green cards.
00:33:41.180 Yeah.
00:33:41.660 He's like,
00:33:41.880 what do we got over here?
00:33:42.840 Yeah.
00:33:44.400 Jesus Christ.
00:33:46.960 No, but it had to...
00:33:48.120 You know,
00:33:48.420 it had to do with the thing.
00:33:51.040 But...
00:33:51.440 Hans Kim's jealous
00:33:52.320 of our relationship.
00:33:53.480 Why?
00:33:54.260 I don't know.
00:33:55.000 Every time I was like...
00:33:57.220 He saw that I, like,
00:33:59.400 hadn't answered a text from you
00:34:00.700 and then he was like...
00:34:03.120 Oh, so you didn't talk to Andre today?
00:34:08.520 Yeah, I guess you know
00:34:10.060 all the Korean comics in Austin.
00:34:14.160 I'm fucking right now.
00:34:15.120 Now I'm paranoid.
00:34:17.580 It should be.
00:34:18.420 You're just like,
00:34:19.000 I'm going back to New York.
00:34:20.500 Yeah.
00:34:21.860 Ben Bank is...
00:34:22.740 No, Hans is great.
00:34:26.740 My first time in Austin,
00:34:28.000 he let me, like,
00:34:28.560 crash at his place and stuff
00:34:30.020 in his room.
00:34:31.380 That's pretty cool.
00:34:32.180 In his room?
00:34:32.980 While he's in there, yeah.
00:34:34.480 In his room?
00:34:35.500 Like, of his house?
00:34:36.620 Yeah.
00:34:36.720 Like, not in a separate room?
00:34:38.500 No, no, no.
00:34:39.060 He was...
00:34:39.740 I was in his bed
00:34:41.380 and he was in his bed.
00:34:44.280 I'm just kidding.
00:34:48.640 Yeah, I had sex with Hans Kim.
00:34:52.740 I've actually had sex
00:34:53.760 with Hans Kim many times.
00:34:56.700 Yeah, you know,
00:34:57.820 I really am.
00:35:00.840 You don't like that.
00:35:02.180 You don't like that.
00:35:04.840 I'm doing an impression
00:35:05.860 of an Asian for Ben Baggins
00:35:07.480 and he's like...
00:35:08.660 That's the one Asian I...
00:35:12.080 That is wild.
00:35:13.060 You were like,
00:35:13.560 what the fuck are you doing?
00:35:17.840 I wish we could leave this in.
00:35:19.520 I know.
00:35:19.960 You should edit that out.
00:35:22.420 Yeah.
00:35:22.740 You know what it is?
00:35:23.320 It comes off
00:35:23.960 like you're talking shit.
00:35:25.220 Yeah.
00:35:25.620 That's what it is.
00:35:26.300 No, I think it's good
00:35:26.980 to not do that at all
00:35:28.900 because it's...
00:35:29.900 Because you know what it is?
00:35:30.840 You never know.
00:35:31.900 I read in a book...
00:35:32.400 It's not good energy.
00:35:33.620 I read in a book...
00:35:34.000 Just start reading that book.
00:35:35.120 Maybe you'd learn a thing or two.
00:35:36.280 I know.
00:35:37.180 I read in a book
00:35:38.180 that when you talk about
00:35:39.440 anyone on a podcast,
00:35:40.460 like good or bad,
00:35:41.080 like they're gonna hear it.
00:35:42.140 Yeah.
00:35:43.240 Yeah, for sure.
00:35:43.980 Yeah.
00:35:44.400 People like seek...
00:35:45.720 Somebody's gonna be like,
00:35:46.500 hey, he's talking about...
00:35:47.240 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:48.300 And then...
00:35:48.980 Or someone that they know
00:35:50.160 hears it
00:35:50.640 and it starts becoming
00:35:51.380 a game of telephone.
00:35:53.160 Yeah.
00:35:54.240 You know what I mean?
00:35:54.600 And then they watch it
00:35:55.320 and it's just you being like,
00:35:56.680 super racist.
00:36:01.840 Yeah.
00:36:02.260 Yeah, I felt bad.
00:36:03.380 There's one Asian comic
00:36:04.660 in Toronto
00:36:05.340 that I think like
00:36:06.000 wants to kill me, but...
00:36:07.640 I don't know.
00:36:08.700 I blocked him
00:36:09.520 because he kept like bugging me.
00:36:10.860 Want to kill you?
00:36:11.760 He like accused me
00:36:12.780 of stealing a joke of his.
00:36:14.220 It was like...
00:36:14.740 I'm like, bro.
00:36:16.160 I don't...
00:36:16.660 I really don't think I did.
00:36:18.820 Yeah.
00:36:19.420 It's like...
00:36:20.380 You said this
00:36:21.460 in the Chinese accent.
00:36:22.540 Like he actually
00:36:23.220 has a Chinese accent though.
00:36:25.140 Right, right, right.
00:36:26.280 He actually was on...
00:36:29.100 Let's not talk shit.
00:36:30.840 Let's transition into...
00:36:31.540 Yeah, yeah.
00:36:31.980 Let's talk about shit.
00:36:33.060 10 minutes.
00:36:33.960 We back on.
00:36:35.920 There's a lot of...
00:36:36.620 Are you really gonna edit?
00:36:37.640 You edit?
00:36:38.300 It's actually easy to edit.
00:36:39.420 You just gotta splice
00:36:40.860 or whatever.
00:36:41.760 Yeah.
00:36:42.600 But the artist deduction...
00:36:44.480 You know,
00:36:45.140 I...
00:36:45.580 Last night
00:36:46.140 we're all hanging
00:36:46.980 and I don't really like
00:36:49.080 seek girls or anything.
00:36:50.720 Like I don't like...
00:36:52.640 I'm not like after a show
00:36:53.820 like,
00:36:54.120 yo, what's up?
00:36:55.100 You know what I mean?
00:36:56.260 So...
00:36:56.660 But we were all
00:36:57.080 at this place last night
00:36:58.180 and what?
00:36:59.980 What?
00:37:00.820 We gotta edit this too?
00:37:02.020 No, no, no.
00:37:02.640 What?
00:37:02.800 What?
00:37:06.940 No.
00:37:07.920 What?
00:37:08.380 You were laughing at something?
00:37:11.260 I'm just kidding.
00:37:12.420 Now we really gotta edit.
00:37:14.160 We just gotta...
00:37:15.660 Okay.
00:37:18.460 But what happened?
00:37:19.340 Mental warfare on this podcast.
00:37:21.000 Yeah, this is crazy.
00:37:22.060 This is like Mossad
00:37:23.040 getting blackmailing politicians.
00:37:26.120 No,
00:37:26.540 there was this girl there.
00:37:28.920 We're trying to play pool
00:37:30.040 and she couldn't get
00:37:31.700 on the pool table
00:37:32.540 like because it was
00:37:33.980 a long line
00:37:34.680 and she was like,
00:37:37.100 you should come
00:37:37.500 to this other bar with me
00:37:38.380 and play pool with me.
00:37:39.500 She was like pretty cute
00:37:40.340 and I was like,
00:37:41.720 nah.
00:37:43.540 Wait,
00:37:43.920 why'd you say no?
00:37:45.380 Because like,
00:37:47.120 me and I'm like,
00:37:47.640 we were all just hanging
00:37:48.580 at the place we were at.
00:37:52.120 Like,
00:37:52.460 you know what I mean?
00:37:53.460 But she obviously
00:37:54.080 wanted to bang you.
00:37:55.500 I don't know about bang
00:37:56.100 but she just wanted me to like,
00:37:57.060 she just seemed interested
00:37:57.900 for sure.
00:37:59.220 But I was just like,
00:38:00.120 nah.
00:38:00.860 And then there was this
00:38:02.080 other girl there
00:38:04.120 that
00:38:05.520 she has a thing online
00:38:08.580 where she
00:38:09.120 shows her body
00:38:11.040 for a little coin.
00:38:13.500 She's a whore.
00:38:15.220 Yeah,
00:38:15.580 she's pretty hot
00:38:16.260 and she was like,
00:38:18.640 she was pretty cool.
00:38:21.040 I don't know
00:38:22.240 what we can talk about now.
00:38:23.220 No,
00:38:23.260 I'm like,
00:38:23.640 I can't talk about anything.
00:38:25.080 You're like,
00:38:25.360 don't talk shit about comics.
00:38:26.380 Anyway,
00:38:27.040 this fucking girl
00:38:27.900 that I fucked.
00:38:29.980 She's online.
00:38:31.120 Here's her at.
00:38:32.020 Anyway.
00:38:32.680 You ever get trouble
00:38:33.300 for like a podcast thing
00:38:34.760 where someone heard something
00:38:35.720 and they approach you?
00:38:37.280 They're like,
00:38:37.800 why'd you say that?
00:38:39.600 Yeah.
00:38:40.160 Yeah,
00:38:40.480 me too.
00:38:41.000 Yeah.
00:38:42.300 Yeah.
00:38:42.880 Yeah.
00:38:43.560 It was bad.
00:38:44.300 Well,
00:38:44.900 not that bad.
00:38:46.240 But I mean,
00:38:46.640 sometimes like,
00:38:47.300 I don't know,
00:38:47.700 you go through stages
00:38:49.280 of losing your mind
00:38:50.260 and then regaining it.
00:38:51.720 Yeah.
00:38:52.360 But you still got to put out
00:38:53.600 content when you've lost
00:38:54.640 your mind.
00:38:55.480 Yeah.
00:38:56.380 And then you just accuse
00:38:58.740 someone of something
00:38:59.780 and you're like,
00:39:00.760 why did I say that?
00:39:01.740 But then you're like,
00:39:02.280 yeah,
00:39:02.500 it was four episodes ago.
00:39:03.540 Who cares?
00:39:03.980 And then they find out
00:39:04.780 and you're like,
00:39:05.200 yeah,
00:39:06.120 no,
00:39:06.420 who cares?
00:39:07.080 Yeah.
00:39:07.260 Actually,
00:39:07.880 I do think that.
00:39:08.580 Fuck you.
00:39:09.300 Yeah.
00:39:09.940 I have a theory.
00:39:10.860 I've been saying this
00:39:11.420 these past couple of days.
00:39:12.840 Nobody is joking
00:39:14.240 about anything.
00:39:16.400 Everyone means
00:39:17.400 what they say
00:39:18.180 and they're just hiding
00:39:19.800 behind a comedy thing
00:39:21.240 like a pussy kind of.
00:39:22.540 I don't know
00:39:22.840 what you're talking about.
00:39:23.540 You know what I mean?
00:39:24.500 Like,
00:39:24.760 they'll tell you
00:39:25.320 how they really feel
00:39:26.200 and if it's like bombing,
00:39:27.180 they're like,
00:39:27.440 I'm fucking with you.
00:39:28.180 Come on.
00:39:29.680 Right.
00:39:30.420 But then if you ask them
00:39:31.280 like,
00:39:31.480 but is that how
00:39:32.220 you really feel though?
00:39:32.900 They're like,
00:39:33.440 well,
00:39:33.660 yeah.
00:39:34.640 And it's like,
00:39:35.500 okay,
00:39:36.120 so you know what I mean?
00:39:38.040 Yeah.
00:39:39.300 Yeah.
00:39:39.740 Yeah.
00:39:40.300 Yeah.
00:39:40.560 It's scary.
00:39:43.120 You can't really.
00:39:44.560 I mean,
00:39:45.360 I don't know.
00:39:45.780 Like,
00:39:46.540 what did somebody say?
00:39:48.560 Let's talk specifics.
00:39:51.000 But yeah,
00:39:51.620 no,
00:39:51.820 I know what you mean
00:39:52.380 when people like just
00:39:53.460 will straight up
00:39:54.360 talk shit to your face.
00:39:55.900 And I'd be like,
00:39:56.500 I'm joking.
00:39:57.260 And then you're like,
00:39:58.640 well,
00:40:00.220 should I
00:40:00.820 kill myself?
00:40:02.480 Well,
00:40:02.700 not,
00:40:02.920 but you don't act like,
00:40:03.560 I don't care.
00:40:04.260 Like,
00:40:04.400 I don't get like offended.
00:40:06.100 But,
00:40:06.560 I mean,
00:40:07.740 I get it.
00:40:08.380 Like,
00:40:08.600 me and my buddies
00:40:09.480 say shit to each other.
00:40:10.480 We mean it,
00:40:11.020 but we also don't.
00:40:12.060 You know what I mean?
00:40:13.440 No,
00:40:13.680 to me,
00:40:14.000 to me,
00:40:14.320 a joke is if I'm like,
00:40:15.360 Ben,
00:40:15.560 you know how like you're gay
00:40:16.520 and I'm like,
00:40:16.960 ah,
00:40:18.220 you know what I mean?
00:40:18.880 Yeah.
00:40:19.180 I'm like,
00:40:19.520 that's clearly,
00:40:20.320 I don't feel that way.
00:40:22.540 Yeah.
00:40:23.040 You know?
00:40:24.500 Or it's like,
00:40:25.140 if I was like,
00:40:25.820 why are you in here?
00:40:27.500 Yeah,
00:40:27.800 yeah,
00:40:28.000 are you sure?
00:40:29.820 Do you even have a show here tonight?
00:40:31.380 Right,
00:40:31.700 right,
00:40:32.120 yeah.
00:40:32.380 Oh,
00:40:32.540 you don't?
00:40:33.380 No,
00:40:33.580 it's fine.
00:40:34.140 You can be here.
00:40:34.960 I'm joking.
00:40:35.800 Yeah,
00:40:36.020 like that's a little crazy joke.
00:40:37.960 That's still a joke though.
00:40:39.040 Yeah,
00:40:39.760 but it's like a joke.
00:40:40.620 It's like if we're walking on the sidewalk
00:40:42.260 and I go to like grab your hand
00:40:44.060 and you're like,
00:40:44.500 what the fuck?
00:40:44.900 And I'm like,
00:40:45.220 ah,
00:40:46.760 yeah,
00:40:47.120 that's,
00:40:47.960 you know,
00:40:48.480 that's a,
00:40:49.140 eh,
00:40:51.100 depends who you do that to.
00:40:53.440 Would you do that to a black comic?
00:40:54.780 No.
00:40:57.900 Only your white and Asian friends.
00:40:59.760 Black comics are the most homophobic people.
00:41:01.280 They'll take that shit really serious.
00:41:02.960 They're the most homophobic people
00:41:04.180 I've ever met in my life.
00:41:04.820 Bro,
00:41:05.040 a comic tickled me the other day,
00:41:06.660 like right here.
00:41:08.880 White comic?
00:41:09.760 Yeah.
00:41:10.180 Black comics always ask that.
00:41:11.380 White comic?
00:41:12.320 Yeah.
00:41:15.580 Obviously.
00:41:16.740 If a black comic was tickling me,
00:41:18.340 I'd,
00:41:18.440 yeah,
00:41:19.940 taser,
00:41:20.340 taser.
00:41:21.160 Yeah.
00:41:23.180 Yeah.
00:41:23.680 But,
00:41:23.980 uh,
00:41:24.980 no man,
00:41:25.640 people like what's something somebody said to you
00:41:27.720 that they,
00:41:28.280 you think they meant.
00:41:30.100 I don't even know.
00:41:32.940 You just,
00:41:33.740 you just threw it out there with no example.
00:41:35.820 Just no example.
00:41:36.880 Yeah.
00:41:37.160 You're afraid to say the example.
00:41:38.560 No,
00:41:38.760 I'm not.
00:41:39.140 I'm not.
00:41:39.440 I'm,
00:41:39.600 I'm,
00:41:39.940 I'm,
00:41:40.140 the new podcast world where you're afraid to say
00:41:42.600 anything about anything.
00:41:45.180 Why?
00:41:45.820 You're like,
00:41:46.300 why is everybody talking about politics?
00:41:50.680 Let's just talk shit.
00:41:53.820 Let's just ruin our careers every episode.
00:41:57.120 Hey,
00:41:57.560 you know,
00:41:57.740 this guy,
00:41:58.400 piece of shit.
00:41:59.880 You ever heard of this guy?
00:42:02.640 He's a fucking.
00:42:05.560 It's enough.
00:42:06.680 Yeah.
00:42:06.940 I mean,
00:42:07.380 people are pretty nice in this scene.
00:42:11.020 I think.
00:42:13.080 Yeah.
00:42:13.500 They're very,
00:42:14.000 even at the top,
00:42:14.800 man,
00:42:15.000 everybody's really nice.
00:42:16.620 Everyone's Toronto.
00:42:17.400 Our Toronto is not nice.
00:42:18.900 New York's probably not that nice.
00:42:21.380 New York's nice,
00:42:22.980 but you know what it is?
00:42:24.620 It's like,
00:42:25.680 you can only be friends with so many people.
00:42:28.360 You don't need to be friends with tons of people.
00:42:33.220 I don't think it's benefit.
00:42:34.340 I mean,
00:42:34.560 it's good to,
00:42:35.200 well,
00:42:35.380 it's good to collaborate.
00:42:37.460 It's good to know them and stuff.
00:42:39.360 And like,
00:42:39.900 you know,
00:42:40.220 but how many times are you like,
00:42:41.480 we're,
00:42:41.700 we're 30.
00:42:42.480 We're in our thirties.
00:42:43.280 How many times are you going to go?
00:42:44.120 I'm 33.
00:42:46.320 You said we're 30.
00:42:47.400 Well,
00:42:48.680 it's a,
00:42:49.080 you'll see in three years.
00:42:51.580 You're like,
00:42:51.900 I'm 30.
00:42:52.700 I'm 33,
00:42:53.400 but I'm 30.
00:42:54.140 It's literally what it is.
00:42:55.520 You're literally 30 till you're 35.
00:42:57.120 And then you're like,
00:42:57.960 fuck 40.
00:43:00.840 But it's,
00:43:02.060 when's your birthday?
00:43:03.240 February.
00:43:04.740 Nice.
00:43:06.380 Nice.
00:43:07.140 You?
00:43:08.720 August.
00:43:10.700 Can you do any,
00:43:11.580 can you do any impressions?
00:43:14.020 Um,
00:43:14.860 I feel like you can't do impressions.
00:43:15.920 Like of who?
00:43:17.100 Like a Chinese person.
00:43:20.720 If you're asking that,
00:43:22.020 then,
00:43:22.340 uh,
00:43:22.720 the answer is yes.
00:43:25.020 That did seem like a morning radio.
00:43:27.280 I can just do broad racial racist impressions.
00:43:30.340 I can't really do like specific people.
00:43:32.420 That did feel like a corny talk show where I'm like teeing you up.
00:43:35.220 Do you know any impressions?
00:43:38.220 All right.
00:43:38.660 Before we get out of here,
00:43:39.540 we're going to cut to a commercial.
00:43:44.300 Ben Bank is playing at the chuckle hut all weekend.
00:43:46.580 I heard you do impressions,
00:43:47.700 Ben.
00:43:47.900 Am I right?
00:43:48.340 Am I hearing that right?
00:43:49.580 Yeah.
00:43:49.840 You want to see?
00:43:54.140 It's my impression.
00:43:56.640 It's my impression of you.
00:43:58.500 That is me.
00:43:59.440 Yeah.
00:43:59.680 Just take a video of your standup and do a Chinese accent.
00:44:07.200 That would be really funny.
00:44:08.280 That would be.
00:44:09.160 Oh yeah.
00:44:09.660 You'd love that.
00:44:12.640 Fuck.
00:44:13.860 I don't know.
00:44:14.280 That'd be funny.
00:44:15.580 It would,
00:44:17.200 it would be funny,
00:44:18.340 but it would,
00:44:18.980 it would,
00:44:19.560 so are some of the things that we said on the podcast.
00:44:23.220 Yeah.
00:44:23.580 We had to cut them.
00:44:25.660 Yeah.
00:44:26.100 How much do we,
00:44:26.700 are you really cutting that?
00:44:27.960 I don't know.
00:44:28.700 You should.
00:44:29.680 You should.
00:44:30.200 Cause now I'm paranoid.
00:44:32.780 I'm not going to cut it and then I'm going to send it.
00:44:36.980 I'm not going to cut it.
00:44:37.820 No,
00:44:38.020 I'll cut it.
00:44:38.580 Don't fucking worry,
00:44:39.600 bro.
00:44:39.940 Yeah.
00:44:40.180 I think I'm trying to,
00:44:40.820 what do you think I'm trying to do?
00:44:43.160 Got a fucking family clawing at the door.
00:44:47.500 Clawing.
00:44:52.460 It's the ruin your career with Ben Bank is.
00:44:55.640 I've got a family clawing.
00:44:57.640 That was so funny.
00:45:02.820 Right before the episode,
00:45:03.740 he was talking about,
00:45:04.480 um,
00:45:05.200 renting an office space and,
00:45:07.360 um,
00:45:08.800 my dog was just clawing at the door.
00:45:10.820 Yeah.
00:45:11.980 Are you going to do that?
00:45:12.880 The Patreon office spacing?
00:45:14.740 Yeah,
00:45:15.160 guys.
00:45:16.180 So I think,
00:45:18.040 look,
00:45:20.140 it's enough is enough.
00:45:21.440 I can't do them.
00:45:22.080 I can't do the podcast.
00:45:23.420 Like fidgeting.
00:45:24.640 This chair's breaking.
00:45:26.460 These chairs were,
00:45:27.600 these chairs are like a hundred bucks on Amazon.
00:45:30.840 My wife built them alone.
00:45:33.880 Are you serious?
00:45:35.020 Yeah.
00:45:35.460 I wasn't here.
00:45:36.460 Where are you?
00:45:36.940 Where were you at?
00:45:37.740 I was on tour.
00:45:38.520 Oh yeah.
00:45:39.380 But she was just bored and built them.
00:45:41.780 And I don't know.
00:45:43.120 I think I'm too fat for them.
00:45:45.000 Anyway,
00:45:45.380 this,
00:45:45.780 I think I need an office and a little studio,
00:45:51.100 a little space.
00:45:52.440 Yeah.
00:45:52.900 A little mini fridge action,
00:45:54.400 a little.
00:45:54.960 It's crazy to have this in your bathroom.
00:45:56.940 Yeah.
00:45:57.780 This is,
00:45:58.440 this,
00:45:58.720 this is an office.
00:45:59.640 This is supposed to be an office.
00:46:01.320 Every house in Texas comes with an office pretty much.
00:46:03.500 Yeah.
00:46:03.780 Yeah.
00:46:04.200 Every,
00:46:04.560 but it has so many rooms,
00:46:05.720 but like you can't have a bedroom in here really.
00:46:08.380 I mean,
00:46:08.600 you can,
00:46:09.240 but there's no closet.
00:46:10.320 It's Mexican.
00:46:11.040 Mexicans would make it a bedroom,
00:46:12.180 but this is definitely it's,
00:46:13.820 it's an office,
00:46:14.320 but it really should just be an office or it should just be a podcast studio and having both.
00:46:19.220 Like I have to like wheel that chair out of here.
00:46:22.000 And then I wheel it back.
00:46:23.000 And then my dogs break in here.
00:46:24.540 The dogs have pissed on the fucking floor in here.
00:46:26.900 Yeah.
00:46:27.500 And it's,
00:46:27.960 it's,
00:46:28.700 it's bad.
00:46:29.400 No,
00:46:30.400 I think,
00:46:30.800 I think a zero dog.
00:46:34.060 So he came up with a policy that he's going to,
00:46:37.080 or like a goal,
00:46:37.920 right?
00:46:39.380 We're halfway to the goal of paying for it,
00:46:41.700 but I think I might just go ahead and do it.
00:46:43.700 But it is weird to ask for a goal.
00:46:45.720 And guys,
00:46:46.680 our goal is I need to eat what a burger,
00:46:51.080 three bucks.
00:46:52.440 Can we throw me a bone here?
00:46:55.060 No,
00:46:55.340 it's,
00:46:56.460 this is the thing is people will like,
00:47:00.780 I have fans who aren't aware of the comedy world really.
00:47:05.720 So there are fans of mine.
00:47:07.320 They're like,
00:47:07.500 yeah,
00:47:07.680 yeah,
00:47:07.860 you do the ching chong,
00:47:08.880 bing bang.
00:47:09.440 And then they come and then they,
00:47:10.760 you know,
00:47:10.960 I want to see it.
00:47:11.720 Give me the,
00:47:12.060 give me it.
00:47:13.000 Like you said,
00:47:13.680 it's like comedy cocaine a little bit.
00:47:15.380 Yeah.
00:47:15.700 Um,
00:47:16.160 and then I'm like,
00:47:17.340 check out the podcast or support on Patreon.
00:47:20.000 And then like one guy was like,
00:47:21.600 eh,
00:47:21.960 you'll be fine.
00:47:23.980 Yeah.
00:47:24.540 Yeah.
00:47:24.680 It's like,
00:47:24.980 well,
00:47:25.540 not with that attitude.
00:47:27.700 If every,
00:47:28.660 if every one of my fans is just like,
00:47:30.260 eh,
00:47:31.260 you're selling it.
00:47:31.940 I'll come see you once.
00:47:33.140 Like,
00:47:33.480 no,
00:47:34.200 we,
00:47:34.520 right,
00:47:35.100 right,
00:47:35.380 right.
00:47:35.660 You're like,
00:47:35.980 let's keep it going.
00:47:36.880 You gotta,
00:47:37.580 I mean,
00:47:37.920 it's not even that it's,
00:47:39.580 you know,
00:47:39.860 it's one thing to be like,
00:47:40.860 well,
00:47:41.480 obviously,
00:47:41.920 you know,
00:47:42.220 it's like,
00:47:42.580 what are you trying to get rich off this?
00:47:44.860 Well,
00:47:45.160 no shit.
00:47:45.800 Like what the fuck you think?
00:47:46.820 I'm wearing headphones and sitting in my fucking house in a weird room and inviting fucking comics to Korean comics in a row to my house.
00:47:55.880 You think I'd have two Koreans in my house in a week?
00:47:59.580 If I wasn't trying to make a couple bucks here,
00:48:02.600 folks,
00:48:02.940 I should have done that thing every Asian comic does when it's like two in a row,
00:48:07.500 like on a comedy show.
00:48:08.720 Be like,
00:48:09.020 I know what you're thinking.
00:48:10.680 Two in a row.
00:48:12.940 Same last name.
00:48:13.960 I know what you're thinking.
00:48:14.520 I'm not the last gay.
00:48:17.580 It is going to be funny if you think yours is coming out next.
00:48:20.820 And then I just put like another episode in between as like a buffer.
00:48:23.980 Yeah.
00:48:25.740 And then just four weeks later,
00:48:27.440 I just doesn't make sense.
00:48:28.520 Don't cut anything from the episode and throw it up.
00:48:31.880 Make a clip out of it.
00:48:33.220 Hey,
00:48:33.520 anybody,
00:48:33.860 everybody in the Austin comedy scene,
00:48:35.180 you should really watch this.
00:48:37.980 He did a really shitty impression.
00:48:42.620 Yeah.
00:48:42.980 It's,
00:48:43.480 it would be nice to have an office.
00:48:45.680 I think it's more chill.
00:48:47.120 Yeah.
00:48:47.540 Yeah.
00:48:47.760 It'd be nice.
00:48:48.460 My family's worried about it.
00:48:49.600 And I think it's,
00:48:50.020 I think it's good.
00:48:50.600 I think you should have your,
00:48:51.880 your fans pay for it.
00:48:53.500 Yeah.
00:48:54.180 Yeah.
00:48:54.440 It's like a build a wall and have Mexico pay for it.
00:48:57.380 What are your tears in Patreon?
00:48:59.360 What are the payment tears?
00:49:00.640 I got really fucked up one night and then just like asked,
00:49:04.940 like I was like working with like chat GPT or,
00:49:08.340 well,
00:49:08.440 I use Grok to like come up with some like tier names and stuff.
00:49:12.140 Is Grok better?
00:49:12.640 Pretty retarded right now.
00:49:13.880 No.
00:49:14.260 Grok's better.
00:49:14.960 I don't know.
00:49:15.660 I like Grok,
00:49:16.380 but I think they're both kind of,
00:49:18.560 I think Grok's like less woke,
00:49:20.100 but it doesn't really matter for certain things.
00:49:22.480 But in terms of my comedy,
00:49:25.900 I feel like there's a bit of a,
00:49:27.240 like a woke,
00:49:28.780 like the eight,
00:49:29.300 like the chat GPT is kind of like edgy fence.
00:49:34.040 Like,
00:49:34.200 I don't know.
00:49:34.560 It's whereas like Grok's like,
00:49:36.440 Oh yeah,
00:49:36.720 it's good.
00:49:39.760 These chairs are breaking.
00:49:40.640 Wait,
00:49:41.800 so what are the tier names?
00:49:44.100 Like,
00:49:44.500 give me the,
00:49:45.000 give me the fuck.
00:49:46.240 I really got to redo these.
00:49:47.540 I think you got to say it out loud.
00:49:50.100 Now the first tier is penny bankers.
00:49:53.720 Okay.
00:49:54.460 And what is that?
00:49:55.860 A penny,
00:49:56.520 a penny a month.
00:49:58.260 It's a five bucks.
00:49:59.880 How does that make sense?
00:50:01.860 Well,
00:50:02.260 I'm trying to bait people into thinking that they're poor.
00:50:06.540 So I'm like,
00:50:07.180 you're trying to bait them into thinking that they're poor.
00:50:08.720 You're trying to bait them into thinking $5.
00:50:10.640 It's a penny.
00:50:11.460 Well,
00:50:11.760 it pretty much is,
00:50:12.720 isn't it?
00:50:14.900 It's five bucks a lot for you.
00:50:16.220 If you saw a bill for five bucks on your credit card,
00:50:18.220 are you like taking the time out of your day to know,
00:50:22.080 but like if I see a penny on the ground or five bucks,
00:50:26.700 I mean,
00:50:27.080 pennies crazy.
00:50:28.140 I don't even think you,
00:50:28.720 you can't,
00:50:29.480 you can't,
00:50:30.020 the lowest you can do is a dollar.
00:50:31.660 I think,
00:50:32.100 but even then it's like,
00:50:36.560 Oh yeah,
00:50:36.820 my Patreon's a dollar.
00:50:38.040 I spent three years getting 5,000 people and now I make 5,000 bucks.
00:50:42.920 It's crazy.
00:50:44.300 So it's just that?
00:50:45.880 No,
00:50:46.140 it's five,
00:50:47.280 15,
00:50:48.080 and like 35.
00:50:48.900 You don't even know.
00:50:54.520 We're going to have to cut this.
00:50:55.560 We're going to have to cut this all.
00:50:56.720 You don't know your own tears?
00:50:58.540 I just came up with new ones.
00:50:59.980 I actually should know them all.
00:51:01.320 Jesus,
00:51:01.860 dude,
00:51:02.160 what is going on here?
00:51:04.120 Uh,
00:51:05.080 fuck.
00:51:05.860 I don't know.
00:51:08.460 This is bad.
00:51:11.040 Nickel,
00:51:11.640 nickel,
00:51:12.060 knickerbockers.
00:51:15.040 You don't know your own.
00:51:16.460 It's just the N word.
00:51:18.440 Um,
00:51:19.520 yeah,
00:51:19.820 I don't know.
00:51:22.780 Can you look on your,
00:51:23.800 do you have Patreon on your phone?
00:51:25.360 I'm actually subscribed.
00:51:26.900 So let me see.
00:51:27.600 Are you subbed on mine?
00:51:28.720 Yeah.
00:51:29.220 No,
00:51:29.780 that's so,
00:51:31.280 that's like the one thing comics will never help.
00:51:33.360 Each other out at what's signing up.
00:51:35.700 You subbed to mine.
00:51:36.500 I'll subbed to yours,
00:51:37.300 but that would be like pointless.
00:51:39.480 Yeah,
00:51:39.720 exactly.
00:51:40.180 Well,
00:51:40.360 just be breaking.
00:51:41.400 Even you help the algorithms.
00:51:43.740 You like comment on it,
00:51:44.940 I guess on Patreon.
00:51:47.120 I think it's like,
00:51:47.960 it's like nickel stackers and then chaos.
00:51:50.960 Yeah.
00:51:52.060 Okay.
00:51:52.460 I think I need to change causing chaos.
00:51:55.640 Uh,
00:51:56.920 okay.
00:51:57.320 Let me look at the tears.
00:51:58.960 Yeah.
00:51:59.060 I think I,
00:51:59.520 you should,
00:51:59.700 yeah.
00:51:59.880 Cause you should,
00:52:00.660 you should change causing chaos.
00:52:03.220 You,
00:52:03.640 yeah,
00:52:03.920 there's definitely a better name,
00:52:05.100 right?
00:52:06.220 Yeah.
00:52:06.980 I had like this three hour conversation with AI and then we came up with that.
00:52:11.920 I don't see any tears.
00:52:13.400 Uh,
00:52:14.100 go to join,
00:52:15.340 join for free and then do the other one.
00:52:17.760 See option.
00:52:18.440 Oh,
00:52:18.580 see memory.
00:52:19.180 Okay,
00:52:19.780 here we go.
00:52:21.080 Penny bankers for $5 a month.
00:52:23.360 Five bucks gets you every app straight from the six to Austin.
00:52:28.320 No cap.
00:52:29.620 You're the penny bankers,
00:52:30.740 pinching coins,
00:52:31.500 coast to coast.
00:52:32.900 Next is dime stackers.
00:52:35.140 15 gets you bonus apps and some roadshade.
00:52:37.660 Might holler your name.
00:52:38.640 If I'm not tapped out,
00:52:40.100 you're in the bankers stacking dimes.
00:52:42.740 Damn fourth to Austin,
00:52:43.940 Texas.
00:52:44.340 Big up cash.
00:52:45.780 Clowns is 30 month,
00:52:46.720 30 bucks.
00:52:47.160 Nancy,
00:52:47.500 the bag,
00:52:48.380 Nancy,
00:52:48.700 the bag monthly virtual meet and greet behind the scenes videos from the road in line.
00:52:52.640 And the line to sling me a bit.
00:52:56.040 You're the spelling mistake.
00:52:59.360 You're the bankers running coast to coast,
00:53:01.180 like total clowns.
00:53:02.160 I like that.
00:53:03.020 Yeah.
00:53:03.240 I think I,
00:53:04.960 I mean,
00:53:05.460 it's yeah.
00:53:06.040 So I get different names.
00:53:07.300 I'm like,
00:53:07.520 is this too,
00:53:08.160 this is like way too retarded and cheesy.
00:53:09.940 And then I'm like reread it.
00:53:11.540 Like,
00:53:11.700 yeah,
00:53:11.820 it's kind of cool.
00:53:12.540 Your tears should be like,
00:53:13.980 I think something like crazy.
00:53:17.120 Yeah.
00:53:18.080 Oh,
00:53:18.300 your phone.
00:53:18.980 Oh shit.
00:53:19.220 Sorry.
00:53:19.780 I think it should be something like crazy.
00:53:21.940 Chinese spyware.
00:53:23.860 Maybe something like that.
00:53:24.880 Like Chinese spyware.
00:53:26.860 Yeah.
00:53:27.280 Something like,
00:53:27.920 you know what I mean?
00:53:28.360 Yeah.
00:53:28.500 The tears need to be like something better.
00:53:30.460 I just crazy funny.
00:53:31.840 Yeah.
00:53:32.200 Like crazy topics that are funny.
00:53:34.360 Yeah.
00:53:34.880 Something like,
00:53:35.460 I don't know,
00:53:35.780 maybe I'm just sort of like a,
00:53:37.780 like the $5 could be like the,
00:53:39.080 the called Chinese spy balloon or something.
00:53:40.660 You know what I mean?
00:53:41.020 Like something,
00:53:41.520 that's funny.
00:53:42.140 Something like that.
00:53:43.080 I think.
00:53:44.520 Chinese,
00:53:45.660 Koreans,
00:53:46.560 mid.
00:53:50.580 I'm in the Japanese tier.
00:53:52.960 You know what else you should do?
00:53:54.180 I think.
00:53:54.960 Cause you.
00:53:55.320 Chinese is five bucks a month.
00:53:57.200 Koreans,
00:53:57.760 15.
00:53:58.660 Japanese.
00:53:59.060 This is the top tier age.
00:54:02.780 You really want to get in on this?
00:54:04.920 No,
00:54:05.160 but I think,
00:54:06.200 cause you were saying like,
00:54:07.000 you have a lot of fans are like very like high up in their own thing.
00:54:10.120 I also think you,
00:54:11.020 you could definitely pull this off,
00:54:12.720 like have one tier.
00:54:14.040 That's like super dumb high.
00:54:17.240 Yeah.
00:54:17.880 Yeah.
00:54:18.240 And then what?
00:54:21.260 Like,
00:54:21.720 what do I have to do?
00:54:22.600 Just everything.
00:54:23.480 Like,
00:54:23.840 you know,
00:54:24.080 you're like,
00:54:24.300 jerk them off.
00:54:25.100 You're like,
00:54:25.380 I'll literally,
00:54:25.960 I'll literally give you my phone number.
00:54:28.960 That's kind of sick.
00:54:30.120 You know what I mean?
00:54:30.780 Yeah.
00:54:31.000 Like,
00:54:31.380 I don't know,
00:54:31.700 like three,
00:54:33.140 like a couple hundred a month.
00:54:35.620 Somebody would do that.
00:54:36.840 All you need is one person to do that.
00:54:38.540 And it fucking escalates everything.
00:54:40.280 Yeah.
00:54:40.880 Right.
00:54:41.340 Yeah.
00:54:42.080 You know,
00:54:42.320 you know what I mean?
00:54:42.780 Like one person would do that at least.
00:54:46.200 Yeah.
00:54:46.560 When I came up with the,
00:54:47.500 I just came up with those new ones.
00:54:48.800 Cause I was like vibing after the Toronto shows.
00:54:51.440 And I was like,
00:54:52.160 I feel like a lot of Toronto people would sign up.
00:54:54.420 Yeah.
00:54:54.820 Kind of like put a spin on that.
00:54:57.060 And then the Jewy,
00:54:58.640 like pennies and dimes and yeah.
00:55:01.420 That's what I'm saying.
00:55:02.040 But I think it's,
00:55:03.140 I think it's better to just have like complete different,
00:55:05.620 like the one tier is called this.
00:55:08.120 This tier is called a completely different thing.
00:55:10.540 Dude.
00:55:10.700 The best tier could be called like the,
00:55:12.400 the crazy amount,
00:55:13.660 the couple hundred,
00:55:14.220 maybe call it like Epstein's Island or some shit.
00:55:16.560 Yeah.
00:55:16.880 You made it buddy.
00:55:18.060 You made it.
00:55:18.660 You're here.
00:55:19.340 You know what I mean?
00:55:19.820 That's pretty funny.
00:55:20.340 You know what I mean?
00:55:21.000 Like,
00:55:23.220 I feel like your fans would really like dig that,
00:55:25.720 you know?
00:55:27.920 And,
00:55:28.380 uh,
00:55:29.480 do you have a Patreon?
00:55:30.940 No,
00:55:31.400 I don't even have a podcast.
00:55:32.680 That's pretty sick.
00:55:34.060 It's not.
00:55:34.540 It's not.
00:55:34.560 It's not.