Bankas Podcast - Bankas Podcast ｜ New York Minute with Armin Arbabi #114

00:00:00.000 All right, shut the door. It's unlocked. Do you want me to shut this window or shut this window so you have like a little privacy or do you don't like it?

00:00:12.000 Yeah.

00:00:21.000 For the record, I watched some of your YouTube videos and stuff before you guys came in. I was like I know that the name sounded familiar.

00:00:27.000 familiar. Oh, sweet. So, I went online

00:00:28.900 to watch some stuff. I found it very funny, obviously.

00:00:30.940 Oh, good.

00:00:32.640 Just wanted to let you know. That's why. I like

00:00:34.840 to kind of do a little research on the people

00:00:37.060 coming in. So, I saw you coming in. I was like,

00:00:38.840 that's cool. Oh, sweet, man.

00:00:40.580 I'm glad you enjoyed it.

00:00:42.440 Otherwise, you'd probably be like, the session's canceled.

00:00:45.060 No.

00:00:46.420 No, dude.

00:00:48.020 I'm excited. I'm excited.

00:00:49.800 Cool. All right. Let me, again, you'll hear me through the boxing.

00:00:52.660 Thanks, sir. So, we're rolling.

00:00:54.240 picture me rolling

00:00:57.120 this is the equivalent of like what rappers like like the black guy who drove us to the show last

00:01:07.720 night in long island yeah like it was like yo we're gonna go studio what time we had the studio

00:01:12.880 tomorrow yeah like he was like yo let me in the studio this is the comedy version of a studio

00:01:18.680 I was like, well, let's talk about Israel. 0.56

00:01:24.920 You guys do beats, no?

00:01:26.200 Just watch a video of a Mexican person being detained. 1.00

00:01:32.040 I wish. 1.00

00:01:32.780 We need another.

00:01:33.940 You need so many people to do a podcast.

00:01:36.560 You need us.

00:01:39.240 Then you need some other guy to just be like, hey, what was that?

00:01:42.680 And then they look it up and they figure it out.

00:01:44.960 We don't do that.

00:01:46.040 We just talk.

00:01:46.700 We relax.

00:01:47.900 it's a relaxing time you know you're in the car you're a fan of mine you're like what's this

00:01:52.140 podcast like and then you check it out you're like oh i thought he was gonna i thought he was

00:01:57.100 gonna say something crazier but i thought i was gonna do a little child oh god i can't stand that

00:02:04.860 i can't even in wyoming somebody's like do it i'm like please for the love of god that's insane

00:02:09.900 for the love of god don't make me do that anymore all i want to do is i want to do a podcast where

00:02:15.820 where I sit down, I go, should I sit here?

00:02:18.100 And then you sit there, and I go, I'm going to sit there.

00:02:22.100 Now you look fatter.

00:02:23.120 Musical podcast.

00:02:26.240 Yeah, he was like, I should sit here because I'm the host,

00:02:28.920 but when I was there, I looked in. 0.99

00:02:31.020 So now I just look like a big pile of shit, but I'm in charge. 1.00

00:02:34.840 Large and in charge. 1.00

00:02:38.740 Future prime minister of...

00:02:40.840 Uganda.

00:02:42.220 Yeah.

00:02:43.360 Screw Canada. 0.90

00:02:44.920 I'm going to go to Africa.

00:02:46.500 Yeah, you've been on Africa recently.

00:02:48.000 You just keep talking about going to Africa. 0.95

00:02:49.820 I feel like there's potential there for more colonization. 0.98

00:02:59.300 All right, yeah, that's a lot of potential.

00:03:01.360 What are you thinking?

00:03:02.680 Real estate?

00:03:04.480 Labor.

00:03:08.640 Ben Bank is a joke.

00:03:09.820 I can't make jokes anymore.

00:03:11.260 This guy made a joke about a joke about a joke.

00:03:13.140 Comedian and warlord, Ben Bankas.

00:03:15.920 I am Ben Bankas.

00:03:17.940 You are going to a minor.

00:03:18.720 You know that Bankas is like, for some reason, there's a lot of Africans with the last name Bankas?

00:03:23.060 Really?

00:03:23.660 Yeah.

00:03:24.180 Why?

00:03:25.120 I don't know.

00:03:25.880 Dad was doing some gigs in Africa.

00:03:27.840 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:03:30.700 They thought it was good.

00:03:32.240 They liked the look of it.

00:03:34.120 Bankas.

00:03:34.660 Bankas.

00:03:37.320 So. 0.89

00:03:38.220 So you think you're black? 0.98

00:03:40.020 Going to Africa. 0.99

00:03:40.900 Going to Africa?

00:03:42.500 Start a comedy club. 0.96

00:03:43.120 It'd be funny if you went to Africa before Israel.

00:03:45.300 No, one night we started looking up African comedy clubs. 0.99

00:03:48.520 And so guys, like social media people in Africa, they just make a fake Google. 1.00

00:03:55.820 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:03:56.360 Like a fake comedy club. 0.97

00:03:57.680 So if you look at Africa comedy clubs and you just click on it, it's just a dude. 0.91

00:04:02.100 It's literally just like a dude.

00:04:03.260 It's a link to his videos and stuff.

00:04:04.440 Yeah, and it's just like a guy with a jug of water.

00:04:06.560 Zero stars, three ratings.

00:04:08.460 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:04:09.160 Africans are. 1.00

00:04:09.960 Two stars. 0.53

00:04:10.760 Yeah.

00:04:12.380 they're ingenious man they they make they there's a lot of ingenious things that they do like with

00:04:17.820 the like like somehow attaching solar paint like in in really dark you know situations they you

00:04:24.700 know put a machine gun on the back of a toyota well that's that's more of an arab thing no that's all 0.88

00:04:31.100 of africa yeah that's just like that's standard that's a standard issue it's literally like honda

00:04:36.380 upgrade no you're not supposed to talk about these things you're supposed to talk about going for

00:04:40.060 lunch uh what'd you have for lunch uh i had a sandwich i'd leftover slop from last night also

00:04:47.900 i do think that there's uh some potential in africa who will you should just open a comedy

00:04:55.280 club in africa there are countries in africa that like like there's just yeah like south africa i'm

00:05:00.260 sure like nairobi is like pretty sick yeah but there's like places that israel the greater israel

00:05:07.920 project africa we was israel jews in africa we got n words in paris and we got jews in

00:05:15.220 jays in africa name of a song like what am i supposed to do

00:05:21.360 it's the name of the song is n asterisk asterisk asterisk asterisk in paris

00:05:34.720 favorite song

00:05:37.080 no I'm a big support

00:05:40.700 I'm a big supporter of

00:05:41.920 I'm not really a supporter

00:05:45.120 of anything

00:05:45.520 what is this whole

00:05:46.800 people who are supporters

00:05:48.120 of things

00:05:48.700 you know these people

00:05:50.340 it's cause they can't

00:05:51.100 support themselves

00:05:51.680 well I'm a real big

00:05:52.120 supporter of

00:05:53.080 I support myself

00:05:57.020 although my legs were

00:05:57.980 hurting

00:05:58.340 on a 13 minute walk

00:06:00.380 yeah that was

00:06:01.220 weird

00:06:01.800 and I'm spitting up blood

00:06:04.200 but i'm healthy things are going well it's a good time to be alive 2026

00:06:13.920 there's not a lot to complain about um and i think i mean luckily trump's in power so that

00:06:21.920 it's a crazy thing to say to new york comedy or wherever i am i'm happy that trump is in power

00:06:28.820 because there's less immigrants straight to the point why are you so happy oh a guy won

00:06:41.460 things are looking up canada's sad canada's depressing drake is literally saving the

00:06:49.240 country with this like i feel like the canadian government was like can you please put out the

00:06:52.940 album because like people are leaving people are leaving the country that somalian guy had to like

00:06:59.820 the somalian streamer won fifty thousand dollars finding drake's iceman thing and he's like

00:07:06.540 starting bonfires and hacking into it with pickaxes and

00:07:13.820 who found it who found it 0.98

00:07:15.820 it was I'm a fool I know there's a fucking daycare in this but he found it it's very I love it I mean 0.97

00:07:29.140 I'm a Drake fan I don't know I'm a fan of all you know my favorite rap is a Drake Epstein and Michael 0.98

00:07:36.280 jackson epstein favorite song jeffrey epstein that would be a good track on my jeffrey yeah it will

00:07:45.680 be eventually yeah one day one day drake what if that's what ice man's all about he's just like 0.73

00:07:51.320 all this fucking you haven't even heard of my island the epstein part too i mean i don't believe 0.76

00:07:56.060 any of the things that were said about drake yeah or epstein i hope i i kind of do just because it's 0.98

00:08:03.160 Like, I hope he got away with it.

00:08:05.060 Because that's talent.

00:08:07.200 Better be a good album.

00:08:08.520 That's a good album.

00:08:09.880 If it's like, it's got a pedophile, but like, it slaps.

00:08:13.100 Michael Jackson. 0.60

00:08:14.100 Exactly.

00:08:15.120 Bill Cosby, favorite comedian.

00:08:17.800 Favorite comedians are Bill Cosby.

00:08:20.140 Louis C.K.

00:08:21.440 Chris DeLio.

00:08:22.900 Kramer.

00:08:24.660 Michael Richards.

00:08:27.380 And the award for greatest stand-up set goes to...

00:08:30.600 Michael Richards.

00:08:33.160 Oh, no.

00:08:37.900 Another Patreon episode.

00:08:42.880 Can't talk about anything interesting.

00:08:45.120 What did we do yesterday?

00:08:46.960 Walk us through yesterday.

00:08:49.360 We didn't do anything, really.

00:08:50.660 We sat in a hotel room all day and booked.

00:08:53.520 Booked these podcasts.

00:08:54.480 Booked these podcasts, and then we went to the shows in Borelli's Top Room.

00:08:58.900 You did two shows, sold out.

00:09:01.280 Thank you.

00:09:01.740 what was the day before that oh we were in an airport for 15 hours oh this is the worst day

00:09:08.280 of your life yeah i did nine sold out shows in florida naples i mean 11 if you count sarasota

00:09:15.120 and fort lauderdale and then easy flight 115 literally landing i mean we had to drive three

00:09:24.000 hours to it because we had to if you fly out of naples to new york it was going to be like

00:09:30.880 forty five hundred dollars or like two grand or something and if you fly out of tampa it's like

00:09:35.900 100 bucks for first class it's like 100 bucks yeah and then you drive to tampa and they're like oh

00:09:42.040 yeah the planes are all broken and they said that we would leave it was supposed to leave at one

00:09:46.880 they said it would leave at 9 p.m so i just did nine shows four shows saturday three shows sunday

00:09:53.000 i was exhausted i really wanted to get on the plane get here i thought we were gonna be here

00:09:59.400 four we're gonna go for a nice dinner we're gonna relax no we had to fly to

00:10:06.280 Charlotte 3 30 they had no massages available in the airport I had to go in

00:10:11.760 one of those robot massage chairs my backs bruised and hammered my back and

00:10:18.000 then we got to the airport about 11 30 luckily Harrison marks Karl Marx picked

00:10:25.500 us up we started screaming in the car obscenities and uh we um got home we got to the hotel we

00:10:33.320 relaxed we ordered 4 500 calories worth of chinese food created a lot of slop mess then we then the

00:10:43.000 filipino had to come in and clean it the next day and see all her slop she recognized you she was

00:10:47.340 like are you the comedian and you were she didn't recognize it was because there was a my plaque was 0.95

00:10:52.620 and it said nine sold-out shows off of a comedy club and she's like

00:10:56.780 I thought she knew who you were you're just in your underwear yeah well this guy made it

00:11:03.820 yeah with my boy you know it's my boy on the couch and yeah it's me

00:11:08.060 nine sold out off the hook you know off the hook

00:11:11.740 you know on the hook yeah you don't get the hook off the hook

00:11:19.680 the most amazing comedy club it's you literally walk when you walk from the stage to the

00:11:28.380 like there's so many employees like i've never seen a comedy club with more employees like they

00:11:33.180 had so they run a really insane dinner thing like people like they have proper dinners you know like

00:11:40.420 a steak and stuff so they four shows they cleared the room like served every single person ate like

00:11:48.200 every single person was eating a full steak dinner then they clean that up another one another one

00:11:53.640 another and then we had like three for some reason like anything you want we're like can i get

00:11:59.680 multiple meals so the best was one of your fans they treated us so good one of your fans gave

00:12:07.220 you an ice hat and then you wore it walking through the kitchen oh yeah i had to take it 1.00

00:12:11.100 off in the kitchen because the mexicans were like especially with those like yeah the ray-bans you 1.00

00:12:16.480 You do look like Team Six. 1.00

00:12:18.980 This guy looks like he's just on a mountain shooting brown people. 1.00

00:12:27.580 I'm not a hateful person. 0.58

00:12:29.000 I love all people.

00:12:32.060 It just happens that I like a couple groups more than I do.

00:12:38.660 There's a hierarchy.

00:12:40.300 Equity. 1.00

00:12:41.860 I'm equitable, but for whites. 0.92

00:12:43.640 that's what that's the problem with equity is like when you're equal everybody's equal but 0.78

00:12:49.180 when it's equity and then you go well what about our equity equity equity equity oh that's the

00:12:53.080 equity well if you don't own a house you got no equity how about that been back it's 2028

00:12:58.980 prime minister prime minister of calgary

00:13:02.600 running for mayor of

00:13:08.680 none of it

00:13:12.520 you like canada no i don't like none of it

00:13:18.180 that's a part of canada people like the americans are like 0.90

00:13:24.340 can you stop reminding me that you're canadian that's the worst part about you

00:13:28.700 i know they don't like that and then some of them just don't like that you're jewish 0.94

00:13:32.040 who the hell said I was Jewish? 0.95

00:13:35.380 Who the hell said some guy that I met with today? 0.94

00:13:41.100 He's like, and you don't hide it. 0.52

00:13:42.600 And I was like, no, I hide it. 1.00

00:13:46.120 Oh, you're Jewish?

00:13:47.020 Oh, I liked you. 0.99

00:13:47.640 What the hell did you do?

00:13:48.280 Why did you do that for? 0.91

00:13:53.140 Like, what is that?

00:13:53.940 It doesn't even mean, I'm not like, it's not like after the set.

00:13:56.640 I'm not religious.

00:13:57.260 Like, I'm not leaving my set and going, thank you, good night. 0.95

00:14:02.040 I mean, I would if the rabbi was there, I would do just rapping to fill in the second I get off. 0.64

00:14:20.880 He's always wearing a hat.

00:14:22.640 Yeah, well, look what's under it.

00:14:23.880 Whoa!

00:14:24.520 Whoa! 0.88

00:14:24.760 Whoa! 0.88

00:14:24.860 Whoa! 0.88

00:14:25.040 Whoa! 0.88

00:14:28.440 Whoa!

00:14:32.040 Secret Jewel. 1.00

00:14:35.400 Funny guy, but then I found out that he was a Canadian. 0.95

00:14:50.300 A Canuck.

00:14:52.180 no there is a part of it where it's like he's canadian and people are upset get upset the

00:15:03.600 canadians ascend quickly and in america like how come canadians do so well here it's like well

00:15:11.180 they were already doing well and then they left their country that's like a you know

00:15:16.220 no name brand america yeah it's like canada's like learn how to make it in america by

00:15:24.060 if you make it here then you gotta leave there's nowhere else to go

00:15:29.240 yeah i do none of it five times a year and then i do calgary 45 shows a year

00:15:34.700 that is my we've talked about this but yeah you just want to do a month straight of shows in

00:15:41.060 well like my like emergency plan is like like my contingency plan is perform four shows a night 0.82

00:15:51.440 365 days a year the worst life yeah oh fucking 3 p.m till 9 every day for a year noon we start at 0.90

00:16:04.460 noon every day merry christmas it's 3 p.m we're doing a show we're doing field trips kids are 0.99

00:16:08.900 Coming in.

00:16:10.920 Field trip.

00:16:12.760 Look, kids, it's Ben Bankens. 1.00

00:16:14.080 He's like, I hate blacks. 0.99

00:16:16.780 I've never said that. 1.00

00:16:22.700 But that is the gist.

00:16:25.480 It's not the gist, though. 0.97

00:16:27.380 It's also Mexicans.

00:16:28.280 Indians and Chinese. 0.98

00:16:30.340 No, blacks and the whites and the Jews need to form a triangle. 0.98

00:16:35.440 It looks something like this. 1.00

00:16:36.740 And what, just keep out the Muslims? 0.98

00:16:38.800 Illuminati. 1.00

00:16:39.440 I'd like to join the Illuminati.

00:16:45.980 What the hell did he say?

00:16:48.480 Nothing. 0.88

00:16:50.820 Hole of a donut.

00:16:55.680 It's over.

00:16:56.920 Cut.

00:16:57.680 No, what was I saying?

00:16:59.060 Oh, yeah.

00:16:59.320 Performing yucks every single night of my life.

00:17:04.100 Every single night of your life.

00:17:06.160 The next 50 years, just chained to a state.

00:17:10.500 If for some reason I get canceled from America, I go, yucks.

00:17:14.560 Yucks, every night.

00:17:15.840 Yeah. 0.99

00:17:16.540 All right, we're doing, fuck, how many shows is that? 0.99

00:17:22.200 Four times 365. 0.99

00:17:23.900 Yeah.

00:17:24.420 So that's what, like 12 plus almost 1,500 shows?

00:17:30.180 Okay, 1,500 shows.

00:17:31.840 Let's see.

00:17:33.520 Yeah.

00:17:34.200 How many?

00:17:35.080 1,460.

00:17:35.920 1,460 shows at Yuck Yucks a year times, let's say, average is 280 people in the show times 35.

00:17:54.000 I'm telling you, this is my plan. 0.99

00:17:55.620 This is the fucking plan. 0.99

00:17:58.380 So it's like, yeah, I'll make $11 million. 0.99

00:18:01.860 I mean, yeah, honestly, I kind of want that to be the move

00:18:04.480 because i want to see someone say i made a million dollars from yuck yucks like i want to see that

00:18:10.560 i mean i yeah i'm getting there pretty close but

00:18:14.840 that would be hilarious shut down every yuck show every yucks club's shot it's just been

00:18:23.320 back but how are you going to perform at every year of the fly just every day fly private every 0.98

00:18:29.500 night every night i'm performing at every club just fucking on a private jet landing going to 0.91

00:18:35.200 yucks like the third day it'd be so no i'd do like a month in toronto month in calgary month here 0.96

00:18:43.360 month there it's not a bad way to live 0.99

00:18:47.360 yeah can i get another steak yes steak no yucks uh no you're getting fucking diarrhea 0.99

00:18:58.600 uh no food's food the funniest part about the club grab the food oh forgot to put your food 0.99

00:19:07.960 in no the food's very good it's very good food it's good food yeah it's good vibes you have a

00:19:18.040 chicken wing this guy made 11 million dollars he ate chicken wings every night 1.00

00:19:24.280 He's so fucked. 1.00

00:19:26.300 Anybody else making that kind of money is like, 1.00

00:19:28.460 yeah, well, I go to Barry's Boot Camp every morning,

00:19:30.800 and then I have a kale smoothie, and then I...

00:19:34.100 Yeah, you're just having a cigarette in an alleyway.

00:19:34.820 Yeah, I'm like, how many more shows?

00:19:36.620 Three more.

00:19:37.160 Okay, three more.

00:19:38.200 Four more.

00:19:38.760 Two more.

00:19:39.560 How many more shows?

00:19:41.580 Oh, we're trying to do a theater.

00:19:43.020 Okay, fine.

00:19:43.740 That'll be relaxing.

00:19:44.660 Oh, it's canceled.

00:19:45.260 Oh, we've got to do 45 shows.

00:19:46.760 45 shows.

00:19:47.660 Make up for it.

00:19:50.100 Quit smoking.

00:19:50.860 Oh, okay.

00:19:51.180 Oh you want to see me quit smoking

00:19:54.460 Really want to see your show get cancelled

00:19:56.440 You really want me to cancel some stuff

00:20:01.040 I'm going to have a cigarette

00:20:02.460 45 days

00:20:03.560 I live like a guy that's trapped in an airport

00:20:11.220 Every day and I'm at home

00:20:12.500 With my friend

00:20:13.140 When are we leaving

00:20:18.380 It's parked

00:20:22.760 It's parked right there

00:20:24.300 I see it

00:20:24.700 Oh it doesn't work

00:20:25.360 Let me check

00:20:26.420 He's trying to get healthy

00:20:32.920 He's losing weight

00:20:34.220 He's losing weight

00:20:34.840 He stopped smoking

00:20:36.700 He's prison

00:20:37.280 25

00:20:39.240 I swear to God 0.99

00:20:43.040 The people of America versus Ben Bankers

00:20:48.060 Our defense is that he didn't have a dart for 40 days

00:20:53.280 Your honor, my client didn't have a dart

00:20:55.320 Needed a pre-roll

00:20:56.520 His team told him to quit smoking 0.99

00:21:00.080 Want me to fucking quit? 1.00

00:21:07.060 You don't want to get me to yucks? 0.99

00:21:09.800 Name somebody else who made $11 billion at yucks

00:21:11.840 11 million dollars a yucks just getting that yucks check like yo that might bounce like wait a week

00:21:25.200 yo you might want to wait like two years to

00:21:28.260 I'm going to have to wait until we sell the club.

00:21:33.280 We have to sell all the clubs.

00:21:36.260 Bro, how much money did you make?

00:21:40.420 Four shows a night.

00:21:42.140 11 million Canadians.

00:21:43.300 It was only 7 million. 1.00

00:21:44.780 Still, it was pretty good.

00:21:46.500 Unless we charge USD. 0.54

00:21:53.960 Canceled from America.

00:21:55.320 When I did Eventbrite at first, when I started doing shows, like, not at Yucks or not, like, doing my own venues and stuff, and I was selling tickets through Eventbrite, and the one show, for some reason, like, there was, like, an AI thing on Eventbrite.

00:22:16.360 There was, like, try AI.

00:22:17.380 It'll make your whole, like, instead of you going through and clicking all the things, so it did it.

00:22:22.160 And then it just put it in USD, and there was no way to change it.

00:22:24.780 so people were just it sold out and like i just couldn't get paid for like years till i got the

00:22:31.340 yeah like and then i got the visa and then i got you know and then i moved to the saints and how

00:22:37.580 much was it it was like like 500 bucks finally let's go ma

00:22:47.340 no but not a lot of people can say that they moved to america and their first paycheck was

00:22:51.020 you know not that paycheck that was well i mean smallions yeah in the first month 10 g's i feel

00:22:59.900 like if you you know you know a guy coming in family business it's it's people don't know how

00:23:08.860 hard this job is you gotta wake up at noon you have to wake up everyone has to wake up

00:23:15.980 You gotta wake up

00:23:18.020 You gotta cough up blood

00:23:19.300 You gotta take your horse

00:23:21.340 Back out of a toilet

00:23:23.020 In a five star hotel

00:23:24.560 Oh you're the comedian

00:23:27.220 And then you

00:23:30.140 You go to work

00:23:31.980 Go to work

00:23:33.300 What do you think about this?

00:23:37.320 What do you think about this show?

00:23:41.840 What's a good job that I do? 1.00

00:23:44.720 Somali 1.00

00:23:45.120 boom jack black jacks jacks 0.94

00:23:49.880 poor people who needs them thank you good night it is funny when like i do a joke about poor people

00:24:00.840 and there's like some poor people i guess in the audience and they look at me like he's right

00:24:05.200 doing god's work trying to get poor people to be less poor that's what jesus did he went around

00:24:12.760 yeah he was like doing chinese accents he's like why don't you make any money

00:24:19.640 yeah jesus he was probably funny oh god but this is the biz you gotta get bigger

00:24:26.680 so you can sell more tickets to yaks

00:24:30.040 the entire business revolves around yuck in america every comedian in america knows you 0.50

00:24:36.840 have to go to yucks you go i'm a yucks guy oh jesus christ this guy knows what to do

00:24:44.200 it was trained literally they have no idea like there's no train like if you're just a comic 0.78

00:24:50.680 who's like a trying to do feature spot like middling i don't know what they call feature

00:24:55.320 middling here yeah no or that in canada yeah well like whatever

00:25:00.600 is this thing on they featuring the people they feature you know if you're just like a guy hosting

00:25:11.180 a show in in the states at a improv they literally like yeah i don't know figure it out go bomb

00:25:18.000 but in and they'll actually take you aside and yucks and be like you got to do it more like this

00:25:23.120 make this they'll give you like and like but it's not coming from a place of like this is how you

00:25:27.840 do your comedy it's this is how the business is these people are here they paid money your job

00:25:33.920 is to make them sit in that seat and buy more drinks and the way they buy people only buy drinks

00:25:39.680 if they're having fun you don't go this is this is the worst show i've ever had i'm gonna have

00:25:44.240 a drink you go oh my god it's so funny when you like boom boom boom and food and enjoying yourself

00:25:49.280 you don't want to eat if somebody's bombing like if you're bombing you know people like

00:25:53.600 You'd be killing

00:25:58.140 That's what you want

00:26:02.240 That's what my crowd looks like

00:26:03.320 That's all I see is this

00:26:04.380 That's what you want

00:26:08.160 What do you want

00:26:10.080 Some sophisticated you know

00:26:12.180 See some of these comedians

00:26:15.820 They post pictures of their audience

00:26:17.600 Like laughing

00:26:18.380 That was a good one

00:26:23.220 my pictures of my audience

00:26:25.640 are just like

00:26:26.100 they're laughing

00:26:29.940 but they're like actually laughing

00:26:31.340 they're not being like

00:26:32.140 yeah well I actually did enjoy that little quip

00:26:35.560 and this was an interesting quip

00:26:37.280 because no

00:26:37.980 I just look at them and go

00:26:40.860 and then they laugh

00:26:42.260 that's what comedy is

00:26:44.280 make a noise

00:26:45.420 hey whoa

00:26:48.080 that's what comedy is

00:26:50.340 file them in

00:26:52.420 get them out

00:26:52.980 Isleman, clean up the plates.

00:26:54.820 Let's go, go, go. 0.94

00:26:55.700 Yuck, yuck, yuck.

00:26:58.000 We got 400 shows left.

00:26:59.460 Come on.

00:27:01.280 Final stretch.

00:27:06.480 It would be like set a record.

00:27:08.740 Oh, yeah, for sure.

00:27:09.700 It would be like Guinness Book of World Records.

00:27:11.440 Yeah.

00:27:11.800 Do you want to make that record?

00:27:14.080 Most shows ever out of Yuck Yucks.

00:27:18.100 I already got most shows ever.

00:27:20.760 most tickets sold in one day at off the hook comedy club but i don't know if it's the most

00:27:26.700 shows they've ever done which i don't understand like if it's the most shows in one day but

00:27:31.940 shouldn't it also be like the most shows total that were sold for one weekend nine maybe they

00:27:38.280 have a record breaker for that there's definitely some probably a mexican comic book came in there

00:27:44.560 You know, 45 show in two days.

00:27:47.240 Two days.

00:27:48.420 Our first show is at 9 a.m.

00:27:51.980 La cucaracha, la cucaracha.

00:27:54.540 I like to drive the car. 1.00

00:27:57.420 Oh, you ever seen a Mexican drift? 1.00

00:28:00.340 Buy my Tiki. 0.98

00:28:05.900 You ever seen this?

00:28:07.060 Whoa, bro.

00:28:10.080 You don't buy a Tiki? 0.99

00:28:11.520 How am I going to pay for having 45 shitty cars? 0.99

00:28:14.560 They say I'm a problem 0.96

00:28:21.400 Can't have one nice car 1.00

00:28:25.940 Mexicans just doing comedy 1.00

00:28:27.760 Just to buy cars to do Uber 0.99

00:28:29.280 There's comedians in cars getting coffee 1.00

00:28:33.040 And then there's Mexicans doing comedy to buy a car 1.00

00:28:35.360 To bring you coffee 1.00

00:28:37.200 To bring you coffee

00:28:38.200 So bad

00:28:40.680 Yeah it's bad

00:28:41.420 No what a podcast

00:28:44.520 is supposed to be he's supposed to be a guy he's supposed to be sitting there he's got a tv up and

00:28:48.760 he's going did you see this see what happened last week let's roll the clip well i think that we need 0.86

00:28:59.000 to get rid of white people and pause it this person person's bad boys next clip 0.99

00:29:07.240 Well, I think all kids need to be gay. 1.00

00:29:11.240 It's poison. 1.00

00:29:11.920 It's poison.

00:29:12.820 It's bad poison.

00:29:15.220 I'm like, let me do an impersonation to this person. 0.99

00:29:20.500 Murdering. 0.96

00:29:22.300 All right, get him out of here. 0.57

00:29:23.340 Bring in the new group.

00:29:28.220 No, nine shows.

00:29:29.440 It was like you're trying to explain it to some.

00:29:31.160 We were trying to explain to this guy who's like an ex-police officer.

00:29:33.600 He's like, yeah, it was really tiring there. 0.98

00:29:34.940 He's like, shut up.

00:29:37.240 You know, compared to, like, a cop's day, it's like, you don't get four shows. 0.98

00:29:41.760 I have to eat twice.

00:29:44.060 You don't get it.

00:29:46.220 But I'm proud of myself that I didn't drink the whole time.

00:29:48.540 I mean, I wasn't really tempted to.

00:29:49.760 Like, who wants to start drinking at 2.30 p.m. and drink until, like, midnight? 0.96

00:29:54.080 Like, I haven't done shit like that since I was in school. 0.87

00:29:57.760 You go to, you know, St. Paddy's Day or, you know, one of these other, you know, homecoming or whatever, 0.95

00:30:05.400 where it's like you'll pancake kegger we used to do pancake keggers you go you drink at 11 a 10 a.m

00:30:12.460 and 9 a.m you're hammered by 2 p.m and then then you eat and then you puke and then you go

00:30:18.760 drink again but it's like that's not i don't do that for shows i i don't even think find that

00:30:23.760 stuff relaxing or enjoyable relaxing well i want to really yeah well for me to have fun i want to

00:30:32.100 relax yeah I don't like I guess I mean it's fun to work I find fun is work when

00:30:38.600 I'm not working I don't want to have fun I want to relax I mean like I'm not

00:30:44.200 like oh finally I'm home well let's go to Disneyland let's go I want to I want a 0.99

00:30:50.640 bedroom and lock the door and get a nanny and jerk off or have my wife do it 0.99

00:30:58.980 you know oh yeah right but everybody out 0.99

00:31:07.380 just saying that i want to relax i don't like this whole you know you gotta have

00:31:11.460 what do you do for fun what do you mean what do i do for fun i do work

00:31:15.860 i do this i rented look at this i i rented this

00:31:23.380 paid money for this

00:31:24.580 you want me to what else do i need to do let's go uptown let's go downtown let's go this way 0.99

00:31:33.480 let's go that way no i go home i sit at home i go turn the fucking hot tub on and i pull my gut 0.97

00:31:40.300 into it and i plop into it and i zone out and i look at a tree and i go jesus christ how am i 0.98

00:31:47.100 gonna keep doing this I'm gonna fucking pay for it yeah I'm relaxed I'm feeling

00:31:54.720 I've got to put out a special, a new hour. 0.96

00:32:00.960 What's my new hour? 0.99

00:32:02.000 Oh, fuck, I don't know. 0.99

00:32:05.120 Something to do with my old hour. 1.00

00:32:08.960 That's my old hour.

00:32:09.780 Where did we leave?

00:32:10.600 Backwards. 1.00

00:32:11.300 Somalians first. 1.00

00:32:13.080 Mexicans last. 1.00

00:32:15.160 Boy, I didn't do it first. 1.00

00:32:18.460 What about Indians?

00:32:21.420 Somebody said that to me.

00:32:22.540 They're like, I was expecting more Indian stuff.

00:32:24.440 I'm like, Jesus. 1.00

00:32:26.260 Never.

00:32:27.080 Then I go. 1.00

00:32:29.660 I'm phasing out the accents.

00:32:31.460 My only voice now that I do is.

00:32:34.520 That's it.

00:32:35.560 I don't need other voices.

00:32:41.000 That's my voice for everybody.

00:32:42.200 Chinese people. 1.00

00:32:43.760 That's the craziest one. 1.00

00:32:47.420 It's just an animal.

00:32:48.820 It's just a wildebeest. 1.00

00:32:50.580 It's like, yeah, this is what a minority is. 1.00

00:32:52.740 Right? 1.00

00:32:53.920 You know.

00:32:55.300 You guys know.

00:32:56.260 You walk around Manhattan, you're like, oh, let's go to a public toilet.

00:32:59.480 I mean, yeah.

00:32:59.900 I have those.

00:33:00.660 Really?

00:33:01.180 Yeah.

00:33:01.760 Did you go to one?

00:33:02.700 No, but I saw the lineup.

00:33:04.100 Was it nice?

00:33:04.880 It was.

00:33:08.980 Those three people. 1.00

00:33:10.660 Fucking men in black. 1.00

00:33:12.660 It's awful. 1.00

00:33:13.100 It's awful what I do.

00:33:13.720 What I do for a living is horrible.

00:33:16.360 Go to different rooms

00:33:23.220 All across America

00:33:24.700 Sleep with one eye open

00:33:29.220 Because you go

00:33:29.720 What's your worst joke

00:33:33.260 Ready?

00:33:35.240 Okay, three, two, one 1.00

00:33:36.180 So you know what an African guy looks like, right? 1.00

00:33:40.020 You know 0.80

00:33:40.260 I'm in Jehovah's Witness protection.

00:33:51.340 No, it's...

00:33:52.700 Look, I'm a genius.

00:33:57.940 It's not easy.

00:33:59.040 When I go home, I want to relax.

00:34:01.100 I want to sit there.

00:34:02.220 I want to just relax.

00:34:05.920 Wah, wah.

00:34:07.820 Daddy, let's go to the zoo.

00:34:10.260 Yeah, me at the zoo, huh?

00:34:14.020 Look, a monkey.

00:34:17.620 Monkeys. 0.90

00:34:19.860 Human monkeys.

00:34:23.860 Oh, no.

00:34:25.240 Not a Chinese zoo. 0.99

00:34:28.260 Chinese laboratory. 1.00

00:34:31.420 No, I really think it's one of the stupidest things. 1.00

00:34:35.160 Maybe podcasting did ruin comedy because it's like, oh, let's be funny. 0.98

00:34:39.380 and then it's like oh no that yeah every show is canceled yeah to go that's what makes you laugh

00:34:43.540 going look at your boy going

00:34:46.580 it's hilarious so i want two small things to walk into a bar one goes

00:34:53.640 what do i do why are we laughing why is everybody having fun cancel everything

00:35:02.500 This guy had fun for two times.

00:35:03.540 How did this guy lose $36 million?

00:35:08.560 Shadow Hanger Studios?

00:35:11.800 Shadow Hanger Studios.

00:35:14.700 Before we walk in.

00:35:16.540 Oh, well, I don't know.

00:35:17.740 Well, he was like, I did some research on you.

00:35:20.740 Oh, yeah.

00:35:21.200 I like it.

00:35:21.660 For a moment, I was.

00:35:22.380 I like it.

00:35:22.900 And I was like, oh, should we leave?

00:35:24.480 He's like, look, I know who you are.

00:35:25.960 I know what you're going to do.

00:35:26.580 Notified in Tifa.

00:35:28.600 They're waiting for you downstairs.

00:35:31.780 No, I have to have a podcast because, you know, Patreon, I don't know, Patreon, patreon.com slash Ben Bank.

00:35:41.320 As you join, you get to listen to this.

00:35:44.080 Maybe we put out a bid for free, but I don't know.

00:35:47.180 People shouldn't listen to this.

00:35:51.580 No, why not?

00:35:53.620 Patreon's like eight people viewed this.

00:35:55.740 I'm like, good.

00:35:56.200 well what if this get if this podcast episode got 10 million views like then what where do we

00:36:06.020 where do you go from there make another one episode two episode two what do you mean oh 0.50

00:36:11.560 shit all right we just spoke with mark breslin the shows are a go yeah 100 just what said you 0.50

00:36:16.300 want to do everything else has been completely shut down it would be comfortable just doing 0.98

00:36:21.820 yucks every day for the rest of our lives no you know i mean you like alfax it was guaranteed that

00:36:28.120 it would sell out i would do four shows a night every night 365 for i think at least two to five

00:36:35.240 years of my life and then i think i would be able to chill and then after that i would just be like

00:36:42.680 All right, let's go to Disney.

00:36:45.580 No.

00:36:47.560 What do I do after that, Thailand? 0.74

00:36:49.820 You just leave.

00:36:51.620 Can't just go for 3 p.m. waking up to go. 1.00

00:36:56.100 Fucking five years. 0.98

00:36:58.540 I don't do that bit anymore. 0.99

00:36:59.760 I told you.

00:37:00.920 I don't do.

00:37:02.100 I do.

00:37:05.880 This guy's got a new act.

00:37:07.660 He's seen his act evolve over the years.

00:37:09.680 He used to go.

00:37:12.680 genius musical genius music to my this guy's father was in the symphony

00:37:17.180 maybe we shouldn't put this out

00:37:27.500 it's just people like why what happened to your podcast i'm like bro bro it's too off it's too

00:37:33.480 funny i can't do it i can't get it bro maybe we should just watch youtube videos and be like can

00:37:38.680 you believe that no we definitely should that's like the move it's just like or we should have

00:37:42.600 been like so armin tell me oh actually why don't we talk about your controversy oh yeah when we 0.96

00:37:48.440 leave we can talk about that yeah what did we rent it out for till three oh shit yeah we got 0.98

00:37:53.860 time we got a full hour oh 0.98

00:37:57.140 ladies and gentlemen welcome to the worst podcast known to man

00:38:05.960 not worst but the worst is it's yeah it's not the worst it's the voice the astronauts were

00:38:14.680 listening to ben bankers's podcast on the international space station just floating

00:38:20.760 zero gravity well these people should these people need to be rounded up

00:38:24.480 beautiful beautiful blue marble

00:38:28.780 i mean i'm an exaggeration of my comedy i don't actually say any of these things or do any of

00:38:35.480 these things or yeah what i really do is i go good evening welcome tonight we are having a talk

00:38:42.880 this is not comedy this is no jokes tonight yeah there's a podium this is a podium and i am going

00:38:49.700 i am running for congress my name is bed blankets my name is sven spankis my name is sven spankis

00:38:59.760 and I am, this isn't comedy.

00:39:04.200 That's your next tour?

00:39:06.440 Ben Beggis, this is not a joke. 0.98

00:39:10.460 Fucking serious. 0.99

00:39:14.160 Oh, you thought I was joking. 0.99

00:39:15.720 Oh, you thought you were in comedy tonight.

00:39:17.580 Tonight we're doing solutions.

00:39:18.920 Today I'm telling you what I think.

00:39:21.080 Not what I think is funny.

00:39:23.700 Here, knock, knock.

00:39:26.040 Oh, who's there?

00:39:26.980 Daycare

00:39:36.220 I mean that was murder

00:39:40.840 I know

00:39:42.580 You're not allowed

00:39:45.860 You can only be as

00:39:47.740 You can't be too

00:39:48.980 Like some people do see my clips

00:39:50.560 And they're like

00:39:50.980 I literally bought tickets

00:39:52.000 To like eight shows

00:39:53.000 Off one clip

00:39:53.780 I'm like 0.99

00:39:54.120 Fuck it was too funny 0.99

00:39:55.820 Yeah 1.00

00:39:56.600 there's that one guy that's been following you around for like 25 shows some old scottish man

00:40:02.200 yeah he's a that was a good show mate well the best ones there's like the ones where we're kind 0.78

00:40:08.640 of tired at the end of a long stretch he's like you guys seem fucking tired tonight man

00:40:12.360 just saying that it's been a long night for you isn't it four shows my goodness 0.89

00:40:18.000 I wanted to see you tired 0.99

00:40:20.220 I booked a fucking show 0.99

00:40:23.260 I knew it was going to be your ninth show 0.99

00:40:27.060 So I wanted to come and go

00:40:28.360 Oh that wasn't as good as the other

00:40:29.880 I thought you used to be a pretty funny guy

00:40:34.320 I saw you do your fourth show of the day

00:40:38.800 I went

00:40:39.220 This guy's not funny at all 0.98

00:40:41.880 Why the fuck did I fly the floor? 0.97

00:40:45.860 This guy's like 0.98

00:40:46.980 Spent tens of thousands of dollars flying around.

00:40:50.560 Oh, he's a Thailand veteran.

00:40:52.700 Oh, dude, if he's got the money to follow you around, 0.94

00:40:55.960 he's butchered a woman.

00:40:57.340 What are you doing next month? 1.00

00:40:58.140 Oh, I'm going to fuck hookers. 1.00

00:41:01.120 This month has been bankers. 1.00

00:41:03.140 Next month I'm going to go fuck a hooker 1.00

00:41:05.020 on the fucking Desiree Island. 1.00

00:41:10.140 I'm your biggest fan. 1.00

00:41:11.820 I fucking love your man. 0.99

00:41:13.300 There's only one thing I don't like about your comedy. 1.00

00:41:15.860 Yeah, you're Jewish. 1.00

00:41:18.360 Why the fuck did you have to be fucking? 1.00

00:41:25.920 He doesn't know. 1.00

00:41:27.020 He probably, he's like in denial.

00:41:28.580 I'm like, probably.

00:41:30.280 I've never mentioned that.

00:41:31.260 I've never told anybody.

00:41:32.520 Because I'm not. 0.70

00:41:34.080 Technically, I guess, your father's Jewish. 0.77

00:41:36.880 I'm not religious.

00:41:38.200 You didn't have a bar mitzvah.

00:41:39.480 Well, people say this.

00:41:40.520 They're like, oh, Judaism's not a race.

00:41:42.800 They go, it's just a religion.

00:41:43.940 Then you go, okay, well, I'm not religious. 0.99

00:41:45.360 they go yeah you're fucking true yeah it's different like if you're arab and you're like 0.92

00:41:50.820 yeah but i'm not muslim you're you're arab you're like people are like he's a christian arab he's 0.99

00:41:54.360 a fucking this arab you know there's no christian jew jesus thank you for your service thank you 1.00

00:42:03.660 for your service saluting the fucking crucifix just in a church thank you christ thanks bro 1.00

00:42:13.500 Y'all, thanks, man. 1.00

00:42:15.160 Take it easy.

00:42:17.580 Appreciate your service in Iraq.

00:42:19.740 Yeah, I mean, it probably was.

00:42:21.080 I mean, yeah. 0.84

00:42:21.820 Iraq, more or less.

00:42:23.420 Israel.

00:42:24.560 I mean, what do you think Jesus did?

00:42:26.020 Of course he went around.

00:42:26.980 You know, he went around.

00:42:27.960 He went.

00:42:28.600 Oh, no. 1.00

00:42:29.320 Jesus probably had some crazy shit to say about the Ethiopians. 1.00

00:42:32.820 Was he not making jokes? 1.00

00:42:34.560 No, he had to be funny.

00:42:35.520 I mean, realistically, if you're going to go around and preach, you got to be a little 0.99

00:42:39.860 fucking, come on. 0.99

00:42:40.520 You got to have some shtick. 1.00

00:42:41.700 Don't talk about politics and religion

00:42:44.380 At the table

00:42:45.400 You only talk about

00:42:48.160 Somalians and vacations

00:42:50.480 Nick Shirley's kind of

00:42:57.360 Like extreme

00:42:59.020 I mean I like his work

00:43:01.520 But like sometimes

00:43:02.440 No I like that brand of content

00:43:04.860 You like it?

00:43:05.640 Yeah a white guy going into a business with a camera going 0.97

00:43:08.260 Where are all the blacks? 1.00

00:43:09.360 Like that's hilarious 1.00

00:43:10.680 this is a psychotic former people are like begging for him to come to canada just to film indians

00:43:17.000 like that's literally what he does he just films minorities and is like look at this 0.83

00:43:21.080 there's tyler olivera he does the same thing

00:43:26.760 ty ollie who i think he's that's his name he like filmed that thing there's like a 0.96

00:43:32.440 city of jews up in upstate new york oh yeah yeah and they're like get out of here get out of here 0.76

00:43:37.880 yeah no he keeps asking like flashing their guns are you guys all on welfare and they're like

00:43:41.720 hey look come on but i mean it's the jews i mean i'll say this the jews do it with more class 0.91

00:43:49.660 because they don't buy you know gucci shades i feel like they're just on straight up welfare 0.97

00:43:54.400 like being like we don't have a job and it's like they don't yeah all they do but they don't but

00:43:59.380 they do but i don't know i don't know how it works everybody's doing something it's all it's

00:44:03.400 there's so many rules and laws it's like everybody like my dad actually talked about it it's like in

00:44:08.200 the soviet union they they called it like uh guilty till proven innocent basically everybody's

00:44:12.680 just guilty of something and it's until we find out what you actually did and it's like

00:44:16.260 it's not it's not a way to live and i get that um like nick shirley thing but when he

00:44:23.520 goes up to a somalian woman no honestly i like that part it's the way he talks to

00:44:30.120 certain politicians that like makes them even more hate him like i don't know he's doing a

00:44:37.160 great job i'm not criticism i guess that's just how you i would probably talk to them that way

00:44:41.980 too if i had to go and confront people who were trying to ruin my life but it's like he's the

00:44:47.740 only one reporting on the government in california trying to make a law that it's illegal to do what

00:44:56.620 he's doing and then he has to report on it so i get why he's like but he said something like it's

00:45:02.060 just like when they ask a question then they go well actually i don't they go no you do no it's

00:45:05.760 like okay now you're not reporting you're like but also i still like it but it's not yeah i know

00:45:11.360 what you mean like it's like make them look stupid yeah but don't crash out yourself because then you 0.97

00:45:17.780 just kind of look like a lunatic yeah like this girl did it really good today i saw that she asked 0.99

00:45:22.760 ilhan omar oh i saw that yeah yeah she's like hold it up how much money did you make how did 1.00

00:45:29.640 you make this money and she's like anyone who thinks that's a dipshit no she's crazy she said 0.99

00:45:35.140 you know i don't need to answer you i don't need to tell you shit yeah you're a politician now 0.99

00:45:40.180 you're that's but that's good i guess that's what nick shirley was trying to get like i like 0.98

00:45:44.100 nick shirley he did steal my uh i was gonna say let's call a spade a spade you uh stole your

00:45:49.100 show you i made a hoodie with the leering center thing and then within four hours he made the

00:45:55.680 identical same color i don't know if he stole it or it was just a good idea he i my hoodie though

00:46:03.300 was the actual number of the somalian place like it was the actual thing oh yeah whereas he put

00:46:08.680 1-800 fraud 1-800 fraud i like nick shirley i'd love to meet him i think it's healthy for people

00:46:17.460 to like i don't like this whole thing where it's like well you have to agree with everybody on your

00:46:21.380 side and i'm not really on his side as much as i am and i am aligned with certain people but

00:46:27.600 you know i stole my show i mean i stole the idea from his video and the somalians stole the money

00:46:37.540 from the government listen we're all stealing to be honest i you think i'm the first guy to go

00:46:43.000 No, somebody had to do that in their own language

00:46:46.420 That you're then 1.00

00:46:47.160 Oh, fuck 1.00

00:46:53.920 Jesus Christ 1.00

00:46:55.180 Do we just make these for myself?

00:47:00.680 We're still in Omar

00:47:01.900 I mean, alright, tonight, no comedy

00:47:04.260 Let's have a serious 1.00

00:47:05.360 Her mouth is gross 1.00

00:47:06.640 Ilhan or Omar's mouth? 1.00

00:47:09.820 She has bad teeth and stuff 1.00

00:47:10.440 She has bad teeth and it looks like she's been eating shit all day 1.00

00:47:12.920 bananas rice what about beans and shit 1.00

00:47:19.400 what is the like what is their obsession with making everything so shitty like i just don't 0.99

00:47:28.420 understand it like even new york it's like i i saw a comment on on one of my videos being like 0.99

00:47:35.240 uh all the democrat cities are thriving actually and they're it's like how stupid what what do you 0.97

00:47:42.280 is your barometer for thriving there was a hole in fifth avenue when we got to this city a bunch 1.00

00:47:46.600 of poor people walking around is thriving and homeless people shitting in public and public 0.75

00:47:52.200 toilets that they have to have everywhere for the homeless those aren't for tourists if you're a 1.00

00:47:56.680 tourist you don't go to a public who's it for it's for heroin addicts and drug addicts and disgusting 1.00

00:48:02.840 sorry but drug addicts heroin addicts um you know prostitutes like these are these are scum 1.00

00:48:12.280 mayor of new york but it used to be that that was okay what is the bad part of society no i agree 1.00

00:48:19.880 criminals drug addicts i mean illegals like freaking prostitutes and well drug dealers and 0.99

00:48:27.860 like it's called the underbelly that's what the underbelly of cities is that's what the 1.00

00:48:33.420 and and this is celebrated now like we have the best underbelly well because they all look at

00:48:38.260 them like oh they're victims of their environment but it's like but at a certain point it's like

00:48:42.560 anyone grew up in the greatest country in the world how bad could it be oh well i didn't have

00:48:47.820 the resources well now people do have the resources and what do they do with it nothing

00:48:51.540 they buy more drugs i also don't like people that are like i know that i didn't have the thing that

00:48:56.220 i need but it's like if you know you don't have it why don't you go and try and get it like you're

00:49:00.260 aware of what's missing that could have made you successful yet you want to make an excuse and put

00:49:03.940 a needle in your arm like for instance okay you're a poor person right now listening to this and

00:49:07.600 you're like okay i'm listening tell me what to do okay well first of all i need to know how poor

00:49:12.560 are you because there is a certain level where it's like you're done yeah you gotta just vote

00:49:17.140 democrat yeah you're done yeah you're not done you're gonna run a train so it's not you know

00:49:22.480 that scene in driver where you just yeah it's over so that no but okay look if you have a job

00:49:34.740 you make 40k a year you want to be okay go to go to the nicest restaurant in your city save up

00:49:41.700 go there meet people meet go to a join something do something learn about things try to find

00:49:47.840 start a company start the most simple company a company where you know pool cleaning or window

00:49:54.120 washing or dry cleaning or anything like there's a million different things you can do and you can

00:50:00.820 have as many companies as you want there's no excuse for just being lazy and poor it's kind of

00:50:07.340 and this idea that people who aren't lazy and poor are supposed to pay for the lazy and poor people

00:50:11.980 it's like they're not all lazy it's like it's systemic it's systemic well yeah it's systemic 0.99

00:50:17.020 so fuck them like they make it seem like it's a systemic issue which means that we have to change 0.99

00:50:22.460 it no there's no way to change it that history already happened everything that already happened 1.00

00:50:25.960 you can't change systemic if you're systemically poor then you're systemically poor i mean fuck 0.97

00:50:30.660 what are you supposed to do do you here's the here's the tools you want to change no i want to 0.98

00:50:34.540 i want more money from the government okay well

00:50:36.520 that's not what the strength of living here is this if you want to live in canada that's a great

00:50:45.560 that's a strength but oh america's health care and all that it's people then if it has such bad

00:50:51.140 health care why are people flying in from you know every corner of the world to get health care here

00:50:56.020 and willing to go bankrupt to get to live how much what how much do you you know consider life

00:51:03.400 to be worth i like those videos where the guy goes like okay i give you 10 million dollars but you

00:51:08.040 can't wake up tomorrow that means that life is worth more than 10 million dollars so what if you

00:51:12.920 are in 10 million or 15 what's the maximum you can be in debt from a surgery i mean 20 million

00:51:18.960 a couple hundred grand probably if it's like super massive but then again it's like what are your

00:51:24.120 options die or die so it's like well now i have to pay six four hundred dollars a month for the

00:51:29.360 rest of my life i'll never be able to pay it off that's better than being dead that's also bro if

00:51:34.060 you if four hundred dollars a month is i mean you got more issues than just your i don't know what

00:51:38.080 it will be but like i know what you mean no but either way it's just like or you just don't pay

00:51:42.320 it and you go bankrupt you're still alive and you can still start a new life and you can still

00:51:46.080 you know there's no debtor's prison you don't have to pay back in canada they don't even even

00:51:51.480 though oh it's free health care and then they go sorry we have no we have no cure we're gonna have

00:51:56.440 to put you i saw one thing this girl woman had cancer in canada and they said uh look we don't 0.79

00:52:01.700 know what to do we're gonna put you on medically assisted death that's your option and then she

00:52:06.460 went i'm gonna go to the states went to the states she spent like 500 grand then she's alive and it's

00:52:11.500 fine they cured her they like got rid of it so it's there's so many myths and so many things that

00:52:19.300 the left uses like what about health care it's like what about health care seriously who needs

00:52:25.820 it okay oh they're in need who who the homeless people doing meth and crack and heroin every day

00:52:31.800 or do they need free health care that's who that's who's going to use it like i made this

00:52:36.300 joke last night about free health care it's like the weight to get the care now it's you there is 1.00

00:52:44.780 no care because it's clogged up because every immigrant that comes to the country for the 1.00

00:52:49.440 health care is now any little cough any little sickness they're going whereas americans are like 1.00

00:52:53.640 i think i'm fine yeah i don't know if it's five grand worth of me going to a doctor right now and

00:52:58.000 when it is oh but then they go and it's too late well but how come the american system saves more

00:53:02.960 people than canadian or other systems or european systems why do you oh my health care didn't work

00:53:08.740 in europe so i went to the states to get private care why are people doing that if it's so bad i

00:53:13.040 mean stop i can't stand that i can't stand that i can't stand this idea that like we have to help

00:53:19.880 the homeless we've been saying that forever i mean if you're homeless and you're in manhattan 1.00

00:53:26.280 like no go to jersey go anywhere else oh they're here well this is where they're from oh fuck off 1.00

00:53:34.100 fuck off nobody's from anywhere i thought i thought everybody was an immigrant i thought 0.99

00:53:38.480 everybody no so nobody's from anywhere so what's the problem with relocating them 0.99

00:53:41.600 they're not from here 1.00

00:53:43.160 oh well they're people of color 1.00

00:53:45.660 that's why they're homeless and because they're transgender 1.00

00:53:48.080 is it 0.94

00:53:49.980 or is it because they just

00:53:51.500 didn't want

00:53:54.240 to be more

00:53:55.120 laughing

00:54:00.120 laughing

00:54:00.640 solving the world 0.93

00:54:04.940 one concentration camp 0.88

00:54:07.620 laughing 0.99

00:54:08.380 well that's where they fucked up with the holocaust is because they 0.99

00:54:14.220 they killed smart people why what what is the goal i just don't understand i hate that i hate that 0.97

00:54:21.500 that hating smart people thing well it's what they always do in like communist things i mean

00:54:25.500 they did that in china right like anyone with glasses was killed under mao is that real yeah 0.87

00:54:29.840 no they killed anyone that was educated that's why china went into so much family they see so 0.84

00:54:34.180 good now because they couldn't yeah yeah before before that their eyes were like hours wide open 0.89

00:54:40.460 yeah eyes wide shut no but that's why china went into so much famine same thing in russia they kill 0.81

00:54:45.240 all the people that know how to do irrigation and then they just have nothing to the point where 0.64

00:54:48.920 like people were literally eating that's what i'm against that's what i'm against when there's but

00:54:53.400 they're trying to say like well it's you know it's horrible how homeless people it's like

00:54:57.900 where on earth are homeless people should be prioritized more than people who have a home

00:55:04.160 yeah i mean what are we talking about i mean i remember i pay a mortgage i have a home i have a

00:55:09.260 family i work every day i drive on the roads i pay the tolls i pay the taxes i buy things i celebrate

00:55:16.460 the whole i take part in the economy buying christmas presents buying all but i'm worthless

00:55:22.940 you know who you know who we need to care about and give all the money to people who are just 0.75

00:55:28.360 completely psychotic out of their minds well there's not enough resources for mental health

00:55:33.980 There's tons of resources.

00:55:35.220 They don't use them.

00:55:36.120 How much money does New York spend on mental health every year?

00:55:39.220 I mean, probably in the tens of millions.

00:55:41.940 100%.

00:55:42.340 Hundreds of millions.

00:55:43.240 I could see 100 million.

00:55:44.480 And then who's using it?

00:55:47.200 Almost nobody.

00:55:47.820 Because you're not allowed to arrest a homeless person for just being annoying.

00:55:55.100 And they're walking around.

00:55:56.480 It's, like, threatening.

00:55:57.520 Like, I'm walking today, and they're, like, limping. 0.63

00:56:00.280 Vagrancy.

00:56:00.900 That used to be a thing.

00:56:01.740 It's it's it's not normal for a society to give homeless people places in busy areas, in nice, financially well off areas in New York or any city.

00:56:18.220 But right now I'm talking about New York. Here's your area. You can do drugs here. You can defecate here. You can you you can do violence here.

00:56:28.680 we're pretty much just gonna like that's at that point it's why not just put them somewhere where

00:56:34.760 everybody else isn't getting affected by it and i'm not saying you know well human rights what

00:56:41.000 about the human rights it's like do they respect their own human rights i mean they're doing drugs

00:56:46.580 in front of children i mean what is that a human right is that no it's i mean is it a human right

00:56:52.140 to be able to like assault somebody on the street and get away with it that's a human right i mean

00:56:57.520 i i can't i can't i can't vouch or or allow i mean it's not like i what do i you know it's like

00:57:08.200 well what do you want to change stop electing people who are openly talking about how they 0.72

00:57:15.680 want to ruin shit we need to make the you know the grocery stores we want to have free grocery 0.99

00:57:23.000 stores what are we talking who and where do the people who live who have the free grocery stores 0.99

00:57:29.120 oh well they're in a co-op and then there's this and what are those what are those do those people

00:57:35.160 grow up to be somebody do they actually contribute to society because they well if it wasn't for

00:57:40.400 those free grocery stores i would have never become the president or i would have never become

00:57:45.700 the ceo of apple or no every single person who's taking advantage of these these woke commie

00:57:52.980 government systems is becoming a lazier less productive less um financially stable

00:58:01.260 version of themselves and i think that obviously some people are far gone but everybody has the

00:58:07.460 potential to be somebody and and help and help society and you know i make people laugh oh but

00:58:14.300 it's it's rude it's offensive well but the world is messed up and people are trying to make sense

00:58:20.500 of it and there's humor to be had at all stages of society does society need to be good for you

00:58:27.660 to make you humor no humor works better when society has some decline or has issues or there's

00:58:33.720 tragedies or there's traumatic events happening that's when humor comes in and and it makes people

00:58:39.000 go okay i laughed at it i can deal with it and you know are some people oh well but it's promoting

00:58:45.520 this and it's promoting that i'm i'm dis-promoting uh hate i don't hate i don't hate you know for

00:58:53.060 instance any group that i make fun of i'm making fun of them because it makes people laugh and

00:58:59.140 if that's seen as hate then i mean i think hate is like seeing somebody on the street and going

00:59:06.360 up to them and and accosting them because of who they are what they look like i think it's uh denying

00:59:11.960 them service at a restaurant i think it's um you know and you know i i think i openly hate homeless

00:59:20.260 people just because it's a threat yeah it makes me not want to take my children anywhere it makes

00:59:26.100 me not want to walk anywhere it makes me not want to enjoy things i don't want to enjoy i don't want

00:59:30.700 to enjoy sitting on a patio everything's affected by that and if homeless people were like they were

00:59:38.640 20 years ago where yeah they were homeless and they begged and they but they they weren't hopeless

00:59:45.500 and they and they thought okay maybe i can and then but now it's just it's like this barbarian

00:59:53.400 lifestyle where you just walk around your hands are and you got a knife in your hand and what and 0.58

00:59:58.700 then they arrest them and then they let them out well why they let them out well because we feel

01:00:02.800 bad and so oh and you know it's so expensive to house them in jail but it's fine to spend that

01:00:11.320 money doing it through like all these taxes well the jails are private well it's like okay so then

01:00:18.900 don't privatize the jail i mean i don't know i don't know that was the big thing oh the jails

01:00:23.740 are privatized that's why there's so many people in jail well how come they're letting so many

01:00:27.160 people out i mean i don't get it anymore i just want things to and people be like well somebody's

01:00:34.400 a goal if everything was great then you'd have nothing to joke about i'm like yeah i would i

01:00:37.940 would joke about something else i'm joking about my family i joke about my life i joke about my

01:00:41.560 history and my past my you know experiences which i've already started doing in my stand-up but

01:00:47.480 what's on everybody's mind is what's on my mind and people some people go oh he's pandering i

01:00:53.860 don't pander at all i talk about what i want to talk about i and i i piss off my crowd too

01:00:58.940 and sometimes i have to kick my crowd out of the show my my fans and and they're like i drove 0.99

01:01:04.740 four hours it's like yeah but then you came here and you acted like a a idiot what was i supposed 1.00

01:01:12.180 to do just keep you here no get the hell out of my fucking sight get out out 1.00

01:01:18.760 Alright, let's call it 1.00

01:01:26.040 Five minutes

01:01:29.300 Call it

01:01:31.940 Let's call it

01:01:33.740 Should we do like the last part for Patreon

01:01:39.280 So that people, like you watched an hour

01:01:42.220 And then 0.99

01:01:42.820 Last part we talk about Patreon shit 0.99

01:01:44.300 Okay, yeah 0.99

01:01:44.940 We can say the end for the next 30 minutes

01:01:46.420 No, we can't

01:01:48.280 we don't

01:01:50.500 I know we don't

01:01:51.280 it's a joke

01:01:51.940 we're never gonna be

01:01:53.640 allowed here

01:01:54.020 back here

01:01:54.500 no

01:01:56.220 we don't

01:01:56.860 we can't joke

01:02:00.820 about that

01:02:01.260 today

01:02:01.640 hello

01:02:03.320 Jesus

01:02:05.720 he's doing to me

01:02:08.160 thank you for tuning in

01:02:12.460 if you'd like to watch

01:02:13.940 more of this podcast

01:02:15.400 episode

01:02:15.720 please go over to

01:02:16.480 patreon

01:02:16.860 patreon.com

01:02:18.020 slash ben bank is the best way to support me the easiest way to support me it's five bucks a month

01:02:24.540 there's different tiers if you're in a higher tier you know we will probably message you back

01:02:28.900 sooner um but it really does support me i mean i'm competing with a lot of people who have a lot

01:02:34.960 of support on these apps and it really does help with cancel proofing my comedy that if anything

01:02:41.460 were to happen and people get mad um and shows god forbid people you know they try to take money

01:02:47.880 from me and all that kind of stuff i have patreon where my fans support me and you get bonus content

01:02:54.080 i post all my uh mothership comedy sets on there i'd like to start getting a hold of my the comedy

01:03:02.420 seller sets that i've done on bobby kelly's show because those are some of the those are patreon

01:03:06.960 sets yeah i heard about those sets bombing but bombing for liberals and them heckling me

01:03:13.240 um they're really good sets but any any kind of stuff like that goes on patreon it's the best way

01:03:18.160 to support me and we do bonus podcasts too that i don't post anywhere else so um patreon.com

01:03:26.020 slash ben bangus i love you guys and have a good week and we'll see you next week until then patreon

Bankas Podcast - May 26, 2026

Bankas Podcast ｜ New York Minute with Armin Arbabi #114

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