Bankas Podcast - Fogo de Bankas with Hank Garza ｜ Bankas Podcast #113

00:00:00.000 it's too early good call 0.62

00:00:01.600 that's just for us they don't need to it's too much explaining they'll just think we're retarded 0.66

00:00:08.780 very true well i kind of am retarded just be the smartest version of 0.64

00:00:16.900 of a mexican of a native american alcoholic jimmy kimmel i'm guillermo i don't know well yeah 0.86

00:00:26.120 Let's see what happens

00:00:29.720 See me

00:00:32.220 Looks good my legs look bad. No the legs aren't the issue. What is it?

00:00:37.840 It's more just like I have the camera angled up

00:00:41.080 Let me just see if I can move it over. Wait, when we sit like this?

00:00:44.400 No, we should sit closer. What?

00:00:47.640 I'm fixing it right now. We're good

00:00:50.440 Just give me a second. It's not you guys. Don't worry

00:00:56.120 go perfect we got it now we got it now

00:01:04.960 all right and three two one

00:01:12.040 welcome to the bank is podcast we are in detroit michigan i try i didn't i was successful last

00:01:23.540 night in not ordering uber eats which was uh that's my new big that's my that's how i judge

00:01:30.040 a tour how many did it if i not how many tickets were sold like the whole tour could be sold out

00:01:35.340 but if i ordered uber eats every night it's it's an l so we're trying no uber eats um at night i

00:01:44.920 did get a bag of like a small bag of flaming hot cheetos doritos and flaming hot cheetos

00:01:50.800 that were good enough to put me to bed i'll be honest i i never used to understand i used to

00:02:00.180 think chips were like in some ways chip there's chips are almost like less fattening than ordering

00:02:05.220 food because it's less food i think i don't know i don't really know the science around it what i

00:02:10.580 do know is that i'm wearing this on my head to prove a point and the point is i don't have a hat 0.99

00:02:17.420 So I understand hijabs now. 1.00

00:02:20.200 Hair looks like shit. 1.00

00:02:21.520 No hat. 1.00

00:02:23.220 You put a fucking towel on it. 1.00

00:02:26.700 That was probably extreme. 1.00

00:02:28.580 Is that an extreme sentence?

00:02:31.180 Is that an extreme sentence?

00:02:33.000 Not at all.

00:02:33.820 Extreme comedy.

00:02:36.760 But Detroit all sold out.

00:02:39.360 Fun time.

00:02:40.900 Did Toledo first.

00:02:43.000 Two sold out.

00:02:44.120 And then the third one was half sold.

00:02:45.820 because we added it too late probably shouldn't have added it but i had to leave my family you

00:02:54.060 know it was my son's birthday and then we had his party and then i left the next day at 8 a.m

00:02:58.420 which was kind of you know it was a little painful to leave your family but you know there's

00:03:05.460 daddy's got to work you know what i'm saying

00:03:08.740 daddy's got to go and get the bag the bag hunter gatherer type stuff dude that's why i wore this

00:03:17.200 jacket in honor of that dude we're out here like lakotas or and this is hank hola who is he's uh

00:03:26.400 hank is my native american friend is here to prove oh my uh my loyalty to the tribes yes sir

00:03:33.800 how many tribes um a united nations were the tribes united united tribes of america uta yeah man

00:03:44.020 um it's a it's a constant struggle with you know because

00:03:50.800 with the you know people are always offended there's even people offended at my shows

00:03:58.040 when they bought tickets to see me and then i crossed one of their imaginary lines

00:04:02.900 like folks need to be like yo you gotta like let go and then oh my god the hecklers

00:04:12.140 it's driving me nuts some of these shows they're so excited that i'm coming but then they get there

00:04:18.420 and then they literally just don't know how to behave they just you know like i'll tell the joke

00:04:23.020 huge laugh and then there's one person going yeah that's why i like that and it's like get up

00:04:30.340 where is the self-awareness and i'm trying to work on myself my mind my body and soul and spirit

00:04:36.800 to be able to deal with these people without you know last night i did tell a woman

00:04:41.540 um to to like a woman who looked a little bit like a bird yeah yeah she did and i said 0.98

00:04:48.980 close that fucking beak or something like that and i could tell it hurt because she knew that 1.00

00:04:55.740 And she had a man. 1.00

00:04:57.280 Her man was like out of her league, low key.

00:04:59.200 Yeah.

00:04:59.720 He was like a good looking dude.

00:05:01.220 Too good for her, bro.

00:05:02.240 You're watching this.

00:05:03.160 And they had just, I was doing a joke. 0.75

00:05:05.400 And then she was, she heckled, was interrupting me like, he used to be married to a Chinese woman.

00:05:12.120 And then I was like, yeah, and he misses her right now.

00:05:14.600 And it got a huge pop.

00:05:16.260 And, but the point is, it's like, and then they, I make fun of them.

00:05:19.820 Everybody laughs.

00:05:20.540 And then they look at me like this.

00:05:22.000 They're like, he's like, well, what did you think?

00:05:26.020 You saw everything that has been happening in the months and weeks prior to you coming to the show.

00:05:32.360 The reason you bought tickets for the show is you probably saw something.

00:05:35.200 And, you know, I mean, I'm butchering the eventual standup clip.

00:05:39.700 But basically, the end of the clip is me going, you know, you saw me do this to somebody else and thought I want him to do that to me.

00:05:48.400 is an only

00:05:50.100 logical explanation but I'm not really

00:05:52.640 complaining because I love everybody

00:05:54.260 we didn't kick her out

00:05:56.840 we've gotten better

00:05:58.920 at that, that's scary 0.99

00:06:00.480 some people are just pigs for humiliation 1.00

00:06:02.820 and pain, she's probably one of those 0.99

00:06:04.940 it's just this weird thing

00:06:06.340 even the one that I did

00:06:08.140 a while back

00:06:10.420 I haven't talked about it publicly on a podcast

00:06:12.540 there's a few Patreon episodes

00:06:14.480 where I think I talk about it

00:06:15.980 I might have talked about it.

00:06:17.460 This Chinese guy who threw a drink at me after I insulted his friend's wife.

00:06:25.180 This guy's wife was a friend of this Chinese guy who had his own Chinese woman.

00:06:29.600 There was two Chinese people in a group of whatever's, whites, Italians or something. 1.00

00:06:35.220 And one of the women just went nuts. 1.00

00:06:37.600 Beef. 1.00

00:06:38.180 She kept doing the same thing where it's like you tell the joke, kills.

00:06:41.380 And then she goes, yeah, that's why I love you.

00:06:44.080 and it's like you're talking during the performance there's nothing it's going to

00:06:50.000 it up and then when i make fun of them again and again they don't stop what what josh was saying

00:06:55.260 he had the perfect formula somebody asked you what here come over here and tell can you just

00:07:00.580 say it into the mic what whatever you first one he's gonna say sorry we're gonna edit

00:07:09.920 tell them what yeah somebody asked you what happens all right when someone heckles ben

00:07:15.660 first time it's gonna be can you please stop we're doing the show second time he's gonna 1.00

00:07:22.380 fuck with you third time he's gonna fuck with you and then kick you out i think that's a 1.00

00:07:30.200 completely different order than what he said yesterday but he was under pressure but i liked 1.00

00:07:33.760 it but i i no i well usually i make fun of them first and then i i'm like they don't stop then 0.98

00:07:40.980 it's like i give them a warning and then i fuck with them hard and then if they don't like realize 0.97

00:07:46.860 okay that's fucked up i don't want to i don't know look just this is why there's a couple shows 0.99

00:07:53.680 now where it's like the show's sold out and there's one table in the front that's empty 0.97

00:07:57.160 and i'm like that's because people are afraid to sit there but it's like if you sit there and you

00:08:02.940 enjoy watch this you're gonna have a great show i barely even look at the front row

00:08:06.420 that was one something when some cbc canadian media person tried to say to us that they said

00:08:13.380 that we um that i that i didn't make a lot of eye contact with the audience i'm like well probably 1.00

00:08:19.040 not you bitch because why the fuck would i look at you no you're some woman sitting alone you know 0.99

00:08:23.640 trying to write down every word i'm saying so looking to be a victim oh god but it's fun it's 1.00

00:08:31.880 Literally, I'm having the most fun.

00:08:35.760 I'm having the most fun.

00:08:37.200 Can you turn the noise off of your camera?

00:08:40.300 It needs it for the flash.

00:08:41.760 Oh, that's okay.

00:08:47.180 This is what podcasts have become.

00:08:48.800 Just take a couple pictures. 1.00

00:08:50.000 Let me rant for 10 minutes about one woman in the front row. 1.00

00:08:52.840 Hey, can you shut that noise off the camera? 1.00

00:08:56.860 Turn the cameras off.

00:08:58.420 We all know the noise.

00:08:59.380 I want to do this with the cameras off and the mics off,

00:09:02.480 just screaming into the abyss.

00:09:05.440 That's what it is, dog.

00:09:06.900 No, no, no.

00:09:07.640 This is perfect for my first time featuring on the road.

00:09:10.400 Hell yeah.

00:09:11.180 Oh, yeah.

00:09:11.540 It's your first feature, bro.

00:09:12.860 But it's not your first podcast.

00:09:14.200 No, I got my first.

00:09:15.620 We did a really bad podcast once.

00:09:18.280 Did we?

00:09:18.720 In like a hotel room, yeah.

00:09:20.960 Did we?

00:09:21.440 During Skank Fest in Houston.

00:09:23.480 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:09:24.760 Very fucking terrible. 0.96

00:09:26.420 but my point is really nothing come to my shows they're super enjoyable but behave but there's 0.99

00:09:36.180 like people will literally like start yelling at some of the other like the normal fans will start 0.77

00:09:41.480 freaking out at the like crazy people and they'll be like yo shut the fuck up like i've heard people 1.00

00:09:48.120 say that to like a random and there'll be a woman being like what like just completely plastered out 1.00

00:09:53.940 of her mind like what I can't talk to you know like you know or I'll be killing and then somebody 1.00

00:10:01.740 will throw me a suggestion I'll be like murdering and then somebody will be like hey you fucking do 0.98

00:10:07.740 it Olivia Chow is the number one thing that people yell at me and I get it I get it and it's honestly 0.98

00:10:13.520 hilarious in a way that I get upset about it because like it's me going like and then people

00:10:21.880 are like do it again and i don't and then but it's like yo the smart people in the audience are like

00:10:27.620 that's fucked up i know why he's not doing that it's a thing he was doing yeah and he stopped 0.73

00:10:33.060 doing it so i mean there's other people who do it there's a comedian in toronto he made it his 0.99

00:10:38.640 whole fucking shtick to to to do my old shtick and uh dress up like the chinese woman and he does

00:10:45.560 the whole thing and but it's like if you want if that's really all you want then you know that's 0.98

00:10:50.400 out there um i don't know i'm trying to get good at podcasting i don't know how to get good at

00:10:57.720 podcasting because podcasting involves you being doing what i'm doing right now acting like a

00:11:04.720 maniac every day you just have to get on there well not not necessarily i mean

00:11:09.920 i mean like candace owens like you know she's she's doing everything she's watching videos 0.98

00:11:16.940 she's reacting to videos she's um she's a mother apparently um i don't know i'm not shitting on 0.99

00:11:26.040 her i'm just shitting on i wonder what color her toes yeah no for sure like what do you know what 0.99

00:11:33.440 i mean it's like yo i either get canceled for saying like how i really feel about a political 0.91

00:11:37.820 issue or i uh you know people are like i didn't like the way he spoke about that fan or you know 0.93

00:11:44.700 it's like i'm not like chapelle roaning it like it's in the middle of the fucking i mean 0.91

00:11:48.700 that's right you know i fucking lashing out of kids if a fan comes up to me at the airport 0.96

00:11:54.560 or in a mall i will you know 100 percent take a moment and and thank them because the way i see 0.98

00:12:02.080 it is like you know like billy bob thornton i heard him talking about it's like these people

00:12:06.020 are paying for my kids to go through college like there's a like reality where it's like yo 0.91

00:12:10.860 these people are these are my these are my fucking people yeah you know so it's my income but it's 0.93

00:12:17.700 like my dream and it's you know you don't dream of being a notable person and then the second 0.99

00:12:23.920 you're a notable person being like upset yeah you know i'm saying like oh why is everybody 0.64

00:12:28.580 coming up to me and shit it's like you gotta you know chapelle rowan it's like you're a big star 0.71

00:12:34.140 but she's not even i mean she's worth 10 mil i apparently on i don't know but only 10 apparently 0.97

00:12:39.100 only 10 which is like not enough for her to act that way like that's like 100 mil yeah that's like 0.99

00:12:45.100 i got 100 mil in the bank yo leave me the fuck alone fuck off i literally could make everybody 0.99

00:12:49.660 hate me for the rest of eternity and still be a like a like a billionaire or multi-millionaire 1.00

00:12:54.580 um 10 million's great and you know look i want to be at 10 mil i'm not a 10 mil that's why you 0.97

00:13:00.300 gotta join patreon it's my ad what a horrible ad hey i want to be rich fucking subscribe i mean a 0.98

00:13:07.840 lot of other people but i i'd like that chapelle rowan doesn't give a fuck in a way like you know 0.98

00:13:21.040 there's part like yeah you know part of me it's kind of cool to be like is this your kid 0.99

00:13:25.980 fucking put them under arrest i don't know like that is kind of funny but i don't do that but 0.98

00:13:31.920 people get mad at me they're like i went to his show and i got kicked out it's like because you 0.99

00:13:37.180 were insane and interrupting and it's like i i do feel bad kicking you out because you're like i 1.00

00:13:42.820 fucking love you buddy i fucking used to fuck with your shit and then you fuck kicked me right out 1.00

00:13:49.140 of here and it's like well yeah because you were like you had 15 beers like yeah i don't know and 1.00

00:13:56.580 i'm not saying there's a lit like you know don't if you come to my show don't drink but i mean like 0.71

00:14:00.200 tip to well yeah tip but if you're fucking staff at least i mean 50 do you think 15 beers to your 0.69

00:14:08.240 dome is like reasonable out of night out yes yes 0.99

00:14:15.920 fuck i don't know i don't know what i'm talking about then i really don't if you think 15 be like 0.98

00:14:24.260 if i had eight 12 if i had like eight beers i would be and and sitting like not even like i'm 0.99

00:14:31.340 not talking about like at the bar and then you go to another place and then you go here and at the

00:14:35.800 end of the night i had 15 beers it's like movement it all goes to the brain sitting down well i guess

00:14:41.120 they pre-drink too so like i mean in this show i did in canada there was natives that came to the

00:14:48.880 show because they were the funny part is that natives in canada still come to my comedy shows

00:14:53.840 even though like the woke natives from their communities are like this you shouldn't watch

00:14:59.020 this it's racist it's blah blah blah but that makes natives want to watch it because number

00:15:03.580 one natives are native to the land they are not they've been here through all of our cultural

00:15:08.360 you know they were in the 90s they like that humor they all watch sky so they don't fully

00:15:14.800 Not all of them are fully on board with woke.

00:15:17.740 And if you say this comedian's coming to town,

00:15:22.420 the news says and goes, he's the most outrageous and awful.

00:15:27.640 Worst things that come around since I like it.

00:15:29.360 That makes people want to go.

00:15:30.640 Even the people that might hate it are like, I'm kind of curious.

00:15:34.620 I went to see Kamala live in theater.

00:15:38.480 The big K? 1.00

00:15:39.380 I saw Kamala do a talk. 1.00

00:15:42.120 Kamala Mama?

00:15:42.840 do a talk because and i talked about it in the stand-up last night and it was actually quite

00:15:46.660 funny um i like the color of her skin what kamala that was like some yellow caramels oh yeah dude

00:15:55.500 yellow toes yeah what do you mean like the bottom no no no painted oh painted yeah nothing dark 0.88

00:16:01.300 i thought you meant like fucking like yeah yeah yellow toenails yeah no no not the toe like i 0.98

00:16:06.260 thought you meant like the bottom yeah when the shit's i know what you're talking about like the 1.00

00:16:11.180 the uh hardened yeah callous yeah no i like the caramel foot with a callous yellow motherfucking 0.99

00:16:18.540 bunion no yeah um delicious yeah i mean no but this is the thing is no like you know i i make 0.96

00:16:28.600 fun of kamla but i i do respect anybody that's been in like that kind of off you know what i

00:16:34.280 mean like even if it was a country i never even if i met somebody and they're like i was the

00:16:37.700 Moldovan vice president from 2009 to, I'd be like, that's cool.

00:16:42.680 That's cool.

00:16:43.380 You know, I respect that.

00:16:44.660 Moldova.

00:16:45.800 But the point is that I went to, you know, some people would be like,

00:16:51.020 oh, well, I wouldn't have even wanted to give her money because it's,

00:16:54.260 who cares?

00:16:55.320 It was somebody who's going to buy the ticket.

00:16:56.740 It was already for resale.

00:16:58.200 Somebody, she already got the money.

00:16:59.840 So it's like, yeah, I want to go and just,

00:17:02.280 I like to see what's on the other side.

00:17:05.180 um and i think that there are still people who you know quote by the way not all native canadians

00:17:12.820 are liberal they're just the people in charge of their tribes are super liberal yeah and the

00:17:20.400 reason being is because um you know it's it's it's way easier to get money from the government

00:17:27.480 in canada if you're a liberal running the you know imagine they were all conservatives running 0.96

00:17:32.620 the fucking native they wouldn't get any money because they would be like we need you know 0.98

00:17:36.640 everybody should get to work but anyway my point is we kicked out natives from the show in sudberry 1.00

00:17:42.700 because they were fucking having like 20 they were on their like 20th beer get it together dogs and 0.97

00:17:47.640 it's like you know fire water like crazy so anyway 0.98

00:17:56.160 get drunk have a great time yeah even if you gotta yell out a cup okay fine but like this whole like

00:18:05.380 weird thing where they sit in in the front row and then they feel like they can interrupt not

00:18:12.860 even like in a bad moment like in a moment where everything's going well yeah it's a weird thing

00:18:19.360 where they interrupt when it's going well because they want i don't know i and so if it's a woman

00:18:26.280 who does it it's like an insecurity thing that she's insecure that the guy that she's with isn't

00:18:33.380 that funny and she's trying to get him to get crazy too to show off it's like a we're all really 0.99

00:18:40.040 just primate we're fucking monkeys we're all retarded monkey and so like you know people 0.99

00:18:44.920 that's what a heckle is basically that's all it is and when a man does it he's saying like 0.99

00:18:55.180 it's it's really it gets darker it's darker when the man heckles and won't stop when a woman heckles

00:19:01.220 and won't stop it's like people under they're like here we go because they know that this 0.99

00:19:06.980 exists they know that women are capable of being that stupid in public whereas they don't really 1.00

00:19:12.060 know that like when a men get when a man's that stupid in public it's a little scary even like 1.00

00:19:17.560 that 80 year old man in in toledo who stood up yeah and was like and it was like okay he's 80 so 0.97

00:19:28.020 i'm not that scared but i'm also kind of scared because this guy's like has nothing to lose he's

00:19:32.820 just like ready to like my i i have a relative like biggie i have a relative that was 85 and

00:19:39.600 killed himself oh yeah yeah like jumped in front of a train damn yeah that's awesome yeah 0.77

00:19:48.540 thomas the tank 1.00

00:19:51.640 jumped in front of thomas the motherfucking train 0.99

00:19:57.600 trying to watch them come with the frog and i'm jumping in front of thomas the motherfucking train 0.99

00:20:03.660 but yeah 0.99

00:20:05.160 the point being

00:20:08.820 an 80 year old man

00:20:09.840 could still do

00:20:10.720 like 0.96

00:20:11.160 could still fucking 1.00

00:20:12.200 kill you or something 1.00

00:20:13.060 that's what's up 1.00

00:20:15.040 you know what I'm saying

00:20:15.560 like they're still capable

00:20:16.680 like an 80 year old man

00:20:18.420 holding a gun

00:20:19.300 like cause they're like 1.00

00:20:20.420 fuck it 1.00

00:20:20.900 what's the word 1.00

00:20:21.740 you know

00:20:22.100 oh I'm gonna spend

00:20:22.920 five years in jail 0.99

00:20:23.780 and be dead

00:20:24.280 exactly

00:20:24.840 that's like on the Sopranos

00:20:25.980 Bobby Baklava's dad

00:20:27.520 the guy that played

00:20:28.800 Pauly

00:20:30.520 in Rocky

00:20:32.340 well that yeah 1.00

00:20:33.100 that guy killed somebody he killed mustang sally anyway that's a deep cut no people like that shit 0.99

00:20:38.680 for real soprano we we need look at soprano's translator usually armin has is the yeah as a 0.99

00:20:44.620 but you're you probably have a deeper understanding no you know what's crazy though that like i feel

00:20:49.980 like people are are leaving natives out of is um like the furry community how they choose their 0.96

00:20:56.060 animal i feel you have to go to a gay native and like to get your gay animal your gay spirit animal 0.93

00:21:02.340 they do some poppers and then whatever animal pops up well they are trying to desperately 0.99

00:21:13.700 mix native culture in canada with like gay and queer culture which is like if i was indigenous 0.68

00:21:23.760 i'd be like yo what the isn't steven seagal like native i don't know but i will say this though i

00:21:28.680 I mean, in native culture, it is very common to have, like, I wouldn't say three genders,

00:21:34.220 but there's, like, a very deep understanding that there is, like, a mix between the two.

00:21:39.060 And those people were often, like, sometimes.

00:21:41.140 Two-spirit.

00:21:41.780 Two-spirit, yeah.

00:21:43.680 Whatever. 1.00

00:21:44.340 So it's their fault.

00:21:45.820 I mean. 1.00

00:21:46.900 So it's actually native people's fault.

00:21:50.280 Yeah, y'all want to blame the Jews. 1.00

00:21:52.060 Nah, man, blame the fucking Jews. 1.00

00:21:55.260 Blame these two-spirits. 1.00

00:21:56.020 But it's too, yeah, I remember my mom used to, 0.84

00:21:58.740 she showed me this movie with Dustin Hoffman where he's.

00:22:02.000 Indian in the cupboard?

00:22:06.900 No, I've seen that movie too, which is also hilarious. 1.00

00:22:10.580 Honestly, the funniest shit. 1.00

00:22:12.400 If you watch that shit now, high as fuck, 1.00

00:22:14.420 you're like, yo, this is insane. 1.00

00:22:17.260 But no, there's this movie with Dustin Hoffman

00:22:19.940 where he's like a white guy that gets lost

00:22:24.140 in the native territory

00:22:26.020 and then he ends up like living with them 1.00

00:22:28.120 and shit. I don't know if you 0.98

00:22:30.160 could look that up.

00:22:32.380 Josh, Dustin Hoffman

00:22:34.160 native American.

00:22:36.440 Sounds like San Houston.

00:22:38.000 It's old. It's really old.

00:22:40.540 But my mom wanted me to

00:22:42.140 watch it for some reason and the whole

00:22:43.940 there was this, the like two

00:22:45.940 spirit character that they made

00:22:48.260 like ride backwards.

00:22:50.020 What's it called? Little Big Man.

00:22:51.940 Little Big Man. 1970.

00:22:53.460 1970 little big man and he rode the gay they made the like trans native like ride backwards on the 0.91

00:23:03.180 horse like you couldn't ride forwards on the horse so that this idea that they were like yeah they 1.00

00:23:07.820 didn't kill him but they were they like basically kept them around to bully the living shit out of

00:23:11.960 them like they try to make it seem like they oh the two spirit were a big part of the native 1.00

00:23:17.420 no they were the people they fucking were like ah fuck we lost the deer fucking beat the shit out of 0.99

00:23:22.120 that guy yeah so and i'm not saying that's right obviously it's not right but i'm saying that this 0.99

00:23:26.980 this defense of well that's why indigenous culture and queer culture have so many intersections it's 0.96

00:23:34.860 like you guys are creating shit that wasn't that's not there to justify gays didn't have enough 0.98

00:23:41.540 victim points and they just wanted to yeah like who else okay muslims come over here natives come 0.99

00:23:46.580 over here uh it's a collective of points by that's what have you ever heard bipoc do you know that 0.69

00:23:51.760 that might be a canadian thing oh yeah that's like a super woke cape a gay wrestler man i heard xpoc

00:23:58.700 but never bipod bipoc with the bronco bus it's a black indigenous person of color okay so now that 0.80

00:24:09.060 they've also mixed like african ancestry with like the indigenous like can it's just like i don't 0.92

00:24:15.900 know it gets to the point where you're like bro you're trying you're either trying to make people

00:24:21.700 racist history repeats itself so the spaniards has this had this caste system and i don't i don't

00:24:27.260 think it's still in place but uh back in the day it was the same thing and it all kind of started

00:24:32.340 in texas bro where it's like okay if you had a spaniard mixed with the native it was a it was a

00:24:38.780 mestizo but if it was like a spaniard born there with spanish parents it was a criollo and then

00:24:45.740 if a criollo banged a black person it'd be it'd be called it yeah and it was like that's what it 0.56

00:24:50.960 was the same and yeah it's just history repeating meti they call it meti will you call it what 0.99

00:24:55.520 my mommy's a fucking yeah i know if the dad's white then it's something and then if the mom 0.97

00:25:06.580 if the dad's native then and then there's like if the blood if the dad is native and the mom is 0.99

00:25:11.760 black it's a coyote there's like there's it's a whole it's there's like 32 different cast

00:25:16.280 right names that came that came out of it okay well like yeah there's definitely it's the same

00:25:20.840 thing now it's just repeating itself and maybe the it's just it just feels like we're dividing

00:25:27.180 society more into like these weird things over nothing it's like don't we just want to like

00:25:32.680 get along instead of being like no this is we don't get along with you anymore and this is why

00:25:38.000 here's the thesis statement here's the historical context here's this 0.98

00:25:41.880 historical injustice it's like why can't we just fucking 0.78

00:25:45.880 get along and and be like because i feel like a future person like like a 0.67

00:25:52.160 a person who wants to live in a in a quote they call it progressive but 0.99

00:25:59.140 progressive would be like yeah all that shit happened who gives a fuck move on 0.99

00:26:02.460 all that means you can't because then they're violent yeah look let all that 1.00

00:26:11.240 baby shit forget about it now we're just gonna start this whole thing over and we're gonna mix 0.99

00:26:16.140 we're gonna blend gays and muslims and natives little people everybody yeah what so what would 1.00

00:26:22.840 what would we call a gay mix with a Muslim? 0.99

00:26:24.980 I don't know. 1.00

00:26:26.920 Ooh.

00:26:30.840 Allah.

00:26:32.180 Oop bar.

00:26:33.120 Oop bar. 1.00

00:26:34.060 Definitely not halal. 0.94

00:26:37.400 It's just, 1.00

00:26:38.060 I don't know why we have to mix,

00:26:39.820 mix and match and,

00:26:41.200 and,

00:26:41.500 you know,

00:26:41.860 and these people stand up for those people.

00:26:44.320 Those people stand up for these people.

00:26:46.060 Bring back stereotypes.

00:26:48.060 Why can't you have an opinion that isn't this?

00:26:52.840 sacred opinion like the hollywood opinion like the idea that hollywood gets to be run by people

00:26:59.300 that you don't know that are behind the scenes which well but it was run by jews i mean it still 0.98

00:27:05.940 is but now they've given so much of the power to like okay well the woke shit which is not 1.00

00:27:13.020 conducive to entertainment in my opinion um the thing with the well shit is like why do minorities 0.99

00:27:20.100 Why do you cosign on them painting you as a victim? 1.00

00:27:23.720 Everything Woke is just whatever movie,

00:27:26.300 it's that group being a victim.

00:27:28.620 I was watching Colbert last night a bit in bed

00:27:31.340 because there's nothing else on.

00:27:33.040 That's what we do on the road.

00:27:34.280 You watch either Fox News or...

00:27:36.740 I'm curious, though.

00:27:37.580 I'm curious to watch one.

00:27:38.860 And there was a couple good jokes, actually,

00:27:40.940 about Iran and the Ayatollah that they had a movie. 1.00

00:27:44.840 The gay one? 0.99

00:27:45.520 Yeah, they were talking about the gay one, 0.98

00:27:47.140 and they said that he's going to be in movies

00:27:49.040 or like that he was in like uh he's the next linsky iatola uh mall cop yeah like paul i iatola blart

00:27:58.980 it was i was like that's funny but that's not woke so now what's happening is the people who

00:28:05.580 they became so woke and they covered everything and said we you know pro vaccine pro all this

00:28:10.520 stuff and then now they're going a little bit they're dipping into like they realize like

00:28:16.160 there's pop the more popular jokes and the more popular stuff is going to be a

00:28:21.380 little bit more right-leaning so they do it but then they say I'm not right

00:28:25.640 leaning and I'm against Trump and I'm against all these things I'm left

00:28:27.860 leaning but I'm gonna still gonna make your joke and and it's like it's it's

00:28:34.480 you get what I'm trying to what am I trying to get at I'm getting at they

00:28:39.160 they chastise the right and say that they're wrong and then the only way for

00:28:44.240 for them to get any viewership is to still tell a joke as if they weren't as liberal as they were

00:28:51.140 with and they're allowed to protect themselves from any you know complaint because it's like

00:28:56.020 wow it's Colbert you know he's done a lot for the administrator he's done a lot for 0.97

00:28:59.900 liberal shit I don't know my point is that I make a fight but I do the same thing 0.92

00:29:06.320 you know like if I do the same thing I make a joke like his audience will protect him in that 0.99

00:29:13.640 scenario yeah even though they're like that was a little far actually but i guess that doesn't even

00:29:20.880 pop it to their head because it's their guy it's whatever he says it's coming from our side so 0.95

00:29:25.860 fuck it and it's on tv so it's like whereas like if i make a joke if i turn around and make a little 0.99

00:29:32.500 bit of a charlie kurt joke like some of my audience are like mad at me it's like i literally 0.99

00:29:36.640 just did like i just talked about renee good for 10 minutes and then i'll do one little quip

00:29:46.220 about charlie and it's like oh my god you know oh my god i thought he was on our side it's like

00:29:52.700 guys i'm on the side of saying something funny and there's people laughing in the audience so

00:29:57.040 it's not like an unfunny thing the people who aren't laughing are people who were to be honest

00:30:02.780 with you probably not laughing at anything but enjoying it like there are people who sit there 1.00

00:30:08.140 and they're kind of too they're just like too stupid to really get it yeah they're too stupid 0.99

00:30:12.480 to really laugh so but they're like i like this he's saying things that i like and then i'll say 1.00

00:30:18.480 something like and then they're like hey why did you say that it's like dude you didn't laugh at

00:30:22.080 anything or like last night was that woman like you know oh it's like you didn't even laugh i

00:30:26.860 didn't see you laughing enjoying and then i made fun of her and she laughed and she was like he's 1.00

00:30:30.980 right and it's like well yeah of course i'm fucking right but the problem with that lady 0.97

00:30:34.920 she heckled me but she was also like talking to the people beside her who weren't with her being 0.99

00:30:40.860 like that's too far that's too far he shouldn't have said that it's like shut the fuck up and 1.00

00:30:45.800 watch the show or get the fuck out malignant motherfucker is that awful to say no you have 1.00

00:30:53.560 to say it you have to be yourself like i hate this whole like people are like never change and 1.00

00:30:58.460 then i'm like get the fuck out of my show and they're like i don't like him anymore it's like 0.98

00:31:02.360 well you fucked up you said and then the you were my favorite comedian if i was truly your favorite 0.99

00:31:08.620 comedian you would have sat there you would have drank three to six drinks three to six six sick 1.00

00:31:16.760 closer to six closer to six but look maybe some wings not you know people i i think that people

00:31:23.380 use alcohol as an excuse top out for shitty behavior for no manners it's an excuse to act

00:31:30.620 like it pretend like oh i'm not really like this this is just because i'm drunk it's like no you 0.63

00:31:36.220 are really like this you're drunk as well if you weren't drunk you'd also be annoying which is why

00:31:42.120 you got drunk because you knew that if you were drunk and annoying at least there was an excuse

00:31:45.740 i it's annoying because i get i drank i don't get like that i i just never really gotten like

00:31:52.900 unless i'm with like and these times probably won't even happen again but there's been times

00:31:57.260 where you know super close friends and you know i'm not at the stage i'm at now where there's like

00:32:04.520 visibility and like there's a fun up you know we're at a show we get completely and we joke 0.99

00:32:09.680 around with each other but if i have to go into public i mean you could be on some crazy ass shit 0.96

00:32:15.920 and still go into public and be like hello sir may i please check into my like i don't know there's 0.99

00:32:19.800 just this some people are yeah it's like oh my god fuck please don't drive home if you're like that 0.99

00:32:31.480 fuck's sake maybe do hit a fucking pole yeah a pole but don't like then they hit some other 1.00

00:32:38.500 fucking mother and they hurt other people man i don't know i don't know what i'm even stressing 1.00

00:32:45.420 out about exercise this is a crisis there's no crisis it's just fun and then but you gotta 1.00

00:32:50.520 this is what podcasts what it was a podcast supposed to be what the fuck do you want from me 0.96

00:32:57.040 i didn't do a podcast for months kermit 1.00

00:33:00.560 what you fucking want from a motherfucking kermit the frog man 1.00

00:33:05.720 they all just need to go to fogo the chow if you go to fogo the chow and you 1.00

00:33:11.340 chow down don't sit next to ukrainians for one because then you won't get any meat but i can't 1.00

00:33:17.680 eat like that it's disgusting like what are you talking about i'm still full we had lunch yesterday 0.99

00:33:22.780 i'm full i haven't at mcdonald's no since no i'm just saying like no i'm done like after this pod 0.98

00:33:30.780 i'm going to the gym i'm i'm fucking i'm done with putting myself through this like abusive 0.93

00:33:37.020 you know food abuse and i think part of the dealing with the crazy drunk people like is 0.99

00:33:42.480 like i have to work on my own like shit your own demon like if i'm fucking thin i don't think 0.99

00:33:48.460 anything's gonna bother me as much you know i'm saying beefy five layer demons like if you're 1.00

00:33:52.600 just a thin person like and people are like fuck you you're like eh but you're fat you're like 1.00

00:33:57.740 shut up you fucking bitch that's i don't know i think it's not that hard to get thin i think um 1.00

00:34:05.080 health you really just have to not eat meth because like your body makes you thin like your 1.00

00:34:10.900 body every night is like i'm ready to make you thinner it's up to you and your fucking brain 0.98

00:34:17.580 to to push that food away because if you don't eat like say you eat one meal a day for like a 0.99

00:34:23.300 month you will lose weight if you're under that calorie deficit and you don't eat at night

00:34:27.080 you fast all day you drink water you don't drink booze you will fucking lose weight but they have 0.94

00:34:33.780 to come out with drugs like the glps so to make you do that which i don't want to do i've never 0.99

00:34:38.620 been on you've been on right no oh yeah yeah the the no not as epic okay no hell that's the geo

00:34:46.700 but those those drugs are meant to like numb your like craving which is actually scarier than it's

00:34:55.140 not like it's doing something your brain is not doing something to your body so i think that

00:35:00.740 whatever that those glp ones do to your brain that's a natural thing that humans are supposed 0.99

00:35:05.540 to be able to do on their own which is stop eating put the fucking ice i mean ice cream 0.98

00:35:09.920 might actually save me well if i were to just get a but even that grocery stores for comics that 0.99

00:35:16.560 you're on the road the best thing you can do is go to a motherfucking grocery store the day you 0.75

00:35:23.500 get to the club get fruit get you know some other like i mean deli meat's not really the 0.99

00:35:30.640 healthiest but it's better than ordering mcdonald's and pizza and shit or whatever whatever the

00:35:36.040 rotisserie chicken i don't care what it is you know fruit tuna tuna cans i mean then you know 0.99

00:35:41.700 if you're on the road like that then shit's pretty fucked but i eat like a cat out of a can yeah i 0.99

00:35:48.560 can't i can't exactly so then let's go to fucking fogo what are you talking about i'm honestly 1.00

00:35:53.180 starving that's why i'm so angry i want to eat tikka masala this guy's like let's do the fucking 0.98

00:35:59.900 podcast i'm not eating for 48 hours and i'm just like losing it i'm like there's some 0.99

00:36:03.820 in the front row but it's a quote polly walnuts that malignant cunt sometimes she wasn't a bull 0.88

00:36:12.940 that's yeah well i mean i don't know she wasn't that bad i feel bad calling her that but i have 0.99

00:36:19.100 called women that in the front row well shout out to her shout out to that woman and her nose

00:36:25.740 thank you for spending money on yeah i went to my show i thought she was pretty i like them like

00:36:32.900 that i like them little you know dynamic you like i like which one oh that one oh no the bird yeah

00:36:39.940 the one that looks like she can cut the bird oh that wasn't even that one she actually did shut

00:36:44.260 up she did she felt weird she felt weird because i called her a bird face and i was like look at 0.97

00:36:50.260 that fucking beak but i like birds bro anyone that follows me that follows my story i love 0.99

00:36:56.520 birds bro you're like yo i grew up pretty fine to fuck i don't know what you're talking about 1.00

00:37:05.880 but shout out to that girl yo follow me girl yo how do you drink how do you like to suck dick like 1.00

00:37:10.600 dude oh shit fucking bird she sucked my dick like a bird nah man i like to spit in their mouth and 1.00

00:37:20.020 then have to spit it back in my mouth the bird to regurgitate yeah i'm kidding only do that with my 1.00

00:37:27.120 wife it's um it wasn't her though it was the other woman yeah who was more of a not a bird 1.00

00:37:36.360 She was somebody that Kermit the Frog went on. 1.00

00:37:38.660 She did have a bit of a Miss Piggy. 0.89

00:37:43.020 She was a Miss Piggy type of sister. 0.71

00:37:46.660 Merch coming soon. 1.00

00:37:49.480 Merch coming soon.

00:37:51.560 They try to roast me, and I just take those roasts and just make them merch.

00:37:55.860 Well, yeah, you do.

00:37:56.800 I don't want to give away.

00:37:58.240 No, but still, they'll figure it out.

00:37:59.280 So, yeah, it's very funny that we just listen.

00:38:02.720 Sesame Street.

00:38:03.680 Is it Sesame Street?

00:38:04.660 Muppets.

00:38:05.100 Oh, Muppets.

00:38:06.180 Yeah.

00:38:07.160 Sheet. 0.99

00:38:07.720 I was on some Elmo shit. 0.99

00:38:10.800 We've just been doing a lot of Muppet inside jokes for some reason. 0.98

00:38:15.620 That's what people.

00:38:16.800 Puppet jokes. 1.00

00:38:17.780 They're like, Ben Baggis is a fucking. 1.00

00:38:19.600 It's like this guy literally hangs out with his buddies and talks about Kermit the Frog. 1.00

00:38:24.100 Ben Baggis is a fucking racist. 1.00

00:38:26.740 I'm just on the street. 1.00

00:38:27.580 I'm like, yo. 1.00

00:38:29.460 What these bitches call from the Kermit. 1.00

00:38:31.220 Which one looked like Big Bird and which one looked like Miss Piggy? 1.00

00:38:34.020 it's in two different shows but it doesn't matter to me it's all the same fucking show it is it's 0.99

00:38:39.280 fucking puppets and human that puppets look like human beings try not to eat eating is is an easy 0.99

00:38:48.980 cop out when you're on the road it's so easy to be like i'm bored i'm sad i'm lonely you know 1.00

00:38:54.520 whatever it is the answer food will like for the moment solve that problem and the more food you

00:39:00.860 eat the closer you are to falling asleep which is it's almost like a heroin addiction where you're

00:39:06.640 just you want to eat until you're tired so that you sleep so that you don't have to and then you 1.00

00:39:11.140 wake up and you go i'm hungry it's fucked it's completely fucked so we're trying to i'm trying 0.99

00:39:18.420 to like i'm gonna try and do some push-ups and shit today yeah push-ups yeah well that'll fix it 0.99

00:39:26.480 probably make me more hungry yeah yeah that's the problem that's the problem with working out 0.95

00:39:33.120 is then you get really hungry then you eat too much then you don't want to work out and then

00:39:36.000 you're fat it's just it's a bad cycle i'm gonna go to fogo and have some cheese

00:39:39.920 you're going back yeah no you're not don't do that to yourself what are you talking about

00:39:46.740 what do you mean fogo to child's like 3 100 calories minimum like but it's good calories 0.91

00:39:54.700 okay if you only eat the meat with no sauce honestly now i'm getting fucking hungry 0.99

00:39:59.860 i mean you're like a pusher you're like a fogo to a chow fucking pusher i'm sponsored 0.99

00:40:05.680 you think massad's out to get you it's actually the brazilians dude it's fogo 0.99

00:40:11.700 it's the big fog brazilian massad the brazilian massad he's that fall

00:40:18.980 Oh, you just eat meat with chimichurri sauce?

00:40:22.420 Rice and beans, bro.

00:40:23.820 Nah, pineapple.

00:40:25.100 Grilled pineapple with some cheese.

00:40:26.980 Yeah, but that's like some weird.

00:40:28.340 That's not what they eat at home.

00:40:29.980 Oh. 1.00

00:40:31.300 It'll fry up that cheese and that pineapple.

00:40:33.320 Nah, where are we going to go eat, though?

00:40:34.540 Let's find a good sandwich spot.

00:40:35.020 We're not eating. 1.00

00:40:35.740 I'm going to the fucking gym. 1.00

00:40:37.520 All right. 1.00

00:40:38.140 Well, I'm going to go eat.

00:40:39.460 I'm going to find a sandwich spot.

00:40:40.420 We're in Detroit.

00:40:41.900 They have good sandwiches.

00:40:42.760 They have nothing.

00:40:43.880 Yeah, true.

00:40:45.640 They got Fogo 20 minutes out.

00:40:48.980 We passed eight miles.

00:40:50.300 We went to 20 miles.

00:40:50.680 I fell asleep looking at Uber Eats going, I can't do this.

00:40:54.900 And then I called the front desk.

00:40:56.140 I was like, is there room service?

00:40:57.780 They're like, no.

00:40:58.280 I'm like, is there snacks?

00:40:59.020 They're like, yeah.

00:41:00.220 I came out to get a snack. 0.99

00:41:01.400 There was a girl standing alone in the snack area heating up some leftover Uber Eats. 1.00

00:41:07.540 And I was just smelling it going, fuck, I want to steal this bitch's food. 1.00

00:41:11.260 And I got three bags of chips and a chocolate bar. 1.00

00:41:14.160 And I went back to my room. 0.99

00:41:15.360 And I fucking ate it while I ate it. 0.99

00:41:17.260 And then as soon as I ate it, I fell asleep. 1.00

00:41:19.660 Yeah, but fuck a lamb chop, right? 1.00

00:41:24.200 You're right. 1.00

00:41:25.420 But fuck the lamb. 1.00

00:41:26.440 Should we just go to Fogo de Chalco? 1.00

00:41:28.280 Fuck the gym. 1.00

00:41:29.780 Oh, there's a Texas de Brazil, which is a Brazilian one. 1.00

00:41:32.640 Texas to Brazil?

00:41:33.800 Yeah, it's like a five-minute drive.

00:41:35.140 You want to go to a second Brazilian steakhouse.

00:41:37.980 I mean, I'm just saying.

00:41:39.920 Maybe Fogo wasn't it.

00:41:40.960 Maybe it's Tejas de Brazil.

00:41:43.760 Didn't you feel full for like a day after that?

00:41:46.380 I felt great.

00:41:47.260 because i just ate meat i was sharp i mean the shows were good i wasn't that's the other bad

00:41:54.120 thing is we weren't sluggish i'll eat a ton and be like this is going to be brutal for the show 0.99

00:41:58.500 like i'm nervous now i'm upset i'm so fat and then i get there and i murder i'm like fuck yeah 0.99

00:42:03.900 we should have ate more you ate fucking lamb you ate a good animal you got that wisdom you got that 1.00

00:42:09.020 lamb wisdom dog man no the other what was the other fuck we ate beef too we ate beef too but 1.00

00:42:14.400 i mean you ate a little bit of lamb that's like the holy meat and some bacon every religion like 0.99

00:42:20.460 fucks with lamb really i think so see my stomach just rumbled that's the first time my stomach's 0.86

00:42:25.580 rumbled in like a month yeah like that's not right like you need to be hungry your body needs to 0.99

00:42:31.260 apparently it's like if you don't eat for like a week like all the cells in your body are new

00:42:36.380 yeah i think i'm just gonna do that

00:42:38.340 every week yeah i did that for a few years you lost weight i mean it was coke back in the day

00:42:48.440 dude coke as a gatorade yeah that's that's all you need that's all you need

00:42:55.980 coke and gatorade maybe a baby ruth bar like with the peanuts you know to balance it out

00:43:02.940 i just i remember growing up there were so many more like diets like it felt like people were 0.95

00:43:07.940 like atkins slim fast weight watchers all this shit yeah man now it's all been proven to be 0.97

00:43:13.280 bullshit so it's like literally they're like literally you have two options we'll put a 1.00

00:43:16.480 fucking injection in your leg every day or you have to go like or i don't know you have to walk 1.00

00:43:22.840 yeah but then that's the problem with america is that there's not a lot of walkable cities so it's 0.99

00:43:28.240 like this is walkable i went on a walk this morning i walked toledo too you walked to toledo

00:43:34.040 No, no, no.

00:43:34.500 Like, when we were in Toledo, I walked there.

00:43:36.200 Or whatever.

00:43:36.900 Parisburg.

00:43:37.660 Yeah.

00:43:38.140 A little shopping mall.

00:43:39.360 Yeah.

00:43:40.000 Let's go walk tomorrow morning in the cold.

00:43:44.980 I like a treadmill.

00:43:46.340 Yeah.

00:43:46.940 Just stare at the wall.

00:43:49.340 Think about everything I ate.

00:43:51.720 Think about how bad it was for me.

00:43:54.540 This is a crazy part.

00:43:55.960 This might have to be a patron.

00:43:57.420 You're like, I don't want to go out in the wild and find food.

00:44:00.060 I want it brought to me. 0.99

00:44:00.960 i want to walk in my little fucking a little hamster wheel yeah i'm a hamster wheel 0.99

00:44:07.440 door dash kind of yeah you're a hamster type of brother 0.99

00:44:10.160 i'm a frog and you're a hamster dog

00:44:15.940 the frog and hamster show that's why it's so good frog and hamster you know y'all like this 0.99

00:44:22.160 shirt with jim lahey on it make sure that shit gets on there fool i am the liquor yeah i am the 0.99

00:44:28.540 fogo hank like i feel like texas likes canada i mean before all this bullshit is happening now 0.99

00:44:33.900 like generally yeah hunting fishing that's what we thought it was and like whites that drank yeah 0.99

00:44:40.060 which is what it was now i thought now it's like i was gay and native what the fuck yeah or indian 0.99

00:44:45.500 yeah same thing the indians merged 0.96

00:44:50.380 uh yeah by the way can we get that one clip josh of me doing the indian when i buy the indian

00:45:00.260 painting yeah i did that somewhere yeah where was that from and also the beginning of the show in

00:45:09.740 um campbell river where i'm wearing the gay outfit because i basically i wore this gay outfit

00:45:20.200 oh yeah river well i ran out of clothes and we got to we stayed in this town called nanaimo

00:45:26.840 which is i had an 800 seat theater sold out for a month and then i canceled it like four days before

00:45:35.700 because that they were just because they're woke and they were mad that i was going to be

00:45:41.640 successful in their town and nobody else has been that successful so nobody should be successful 0.93

00:45:45.400 and then now they're hosting a drag show with like you know half sold out or whatever bullshit 0.99

00:45:49.620 of course so but but we stayed in that town anyway just to fuck with them because it's like an hour 0.98

00:45:55.000 from this other town where they didn't cancel me because it's less well called campbell river 0.98

00:45:59.300 this is in victoria vancouver island in bc western bc western canada when i beat my felony i'm coming 0.75

00:46:07.220 over fuck yeah and um we drove so we just like i got a limo to take us from denaimo 0.58

00:46:16.600 to campbell river and back after the show but we stayed in denaimo and we walked around and they 0.98

00:46:25.920 had the you know they got the gay crosswalk and they have a little downtown with you know a couple

00:46:31.380 stores they got a dispensary and then and one of the stores that they had uh was a clothing store

00:46:36.920 so i went in and i got some clothes and i but really all they had was like gay people clothes

00:46:41.880 so that's what i bought i bought like a a flowery shirt and i thought it'd be funny to wear at the

00:46:48.760 show saying that they told me they wouldn't cancel the show if i dressed like a homosexual whatever so

00:46:52.980 we're gonna post that bit and then the other bit whatever i said what was the other bit

00:46:57.260 with um what did we say keep it oh yeah that's it um oh yeah the indian

00:47:06.500 indian native american painting i bought a painting of a native american

00:47:12.920 and i saw that um how'd you see it i just texted to you or showed you it i think you showed it to

00:47:19.760 i think i just showed it because i haven't posted it you're like i bought this um but i

00:47:24.120 bought it and

00:47:26.400 the woman, I was like, I like the

00:47:28.640 what about the Native American? And she goes,

00:47:30.820 Indian? And I was like, oh, 1.00

00:47:32.800 I'm buying it. Like, if you're fucking 1.00

00:47:34.620 that racist, I'm buying it. 1.00

00:47:36.920 Hell yeah. I don't support. She wasn't 0.99

00:47:38.780 racist, though. It's just like...

00:47:40.060 No, they're from a different time. It's more direct.

00:47:43.220 It's like, what are you, Indian?

00:47:44.680 Yeah, sure. That's what they're called.

00:47:46.580 And then we had to go ahead and bring all these other 0.99

00:47:48.620 Indians. I mean... The Crackers? 1.00

00:47:50.620 The Kermits? Fucking... 1.00

00:47:52.980 Yeah, the Kermit. 1.00

00:47:54.260 Were they hamsters or Kermit the Frog?

00:47:58.820 Dog.

00:47:59.740 What's the show with hamsters where they're like, 1.00

00:48:02.020 do you remember that shit? 1.00

00:48:03.620 No. 1.00

00:48:04.640 You remember that shit where the hamsters were like 1.00

00:48:06.600 motherfucking knights and shit? 1.00

00:48:08.460 Like middle-ages hamsters and shit? 1.00

00:48:10.440 Lemmy Winks? 1.00

00:48:12.020 Well, Lemmy Winks was a parody of that.

00:48:15.980 Oh, really?

00:48:16.700 Okay.

00:48:17.280 It was a parody of the show from that time.

00:48:19.660 It was like a kid's show.

00:48:20.660 Yeah?

00:48:21.260 Okay, that makes sense. 1.00

00:48:22.240 It's like royal, like fucking hamsters and rats 1.00

00:48:25.940 and all the different rodents and shit. 1.00

00:48:28.220 It's kind of like Arthur, but like. 0.99

00:48:29.620 Jesus Christ.

00:48:30.880 Yeah.

00:48:33.140 And that's what I'm trying to do.

00:48:34.460 That's what I'm trying to. 0.97

00:48:36.660 You know, I love, like I said, I'll fucking stop what I'm doing. 0.90

00:48:43.400 Even when I'm with my family, I'll take a picture with a fan 0.97

00:48:45.920 when I'm with my family. 0.99

00:48:46.740 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:48:47.520 my only thing that i get upset about that people you know it's like he kicked them out of the show 0.98

00:48:54.680 they didn't even they were just enjoying themselves it's like guys yeah if you're not

00:48:58.220 actually enjoying it like if you're enjoying a show you don't scream out that's i mean is that 1.00

00:49:06.980 crazy to say no it's not like fuck learn to behave you fucking mutts at mothership that just it 0.99

00:49:13.520 doesn't like they will give you one if you like every club that i go to on the road get one they'll 1.00

00:49:19.780 get three yeah you're like at mothership you get one they'll come up to you and go don't do that

00:49:25.020 again and if you do anything again you're kicked out they'll put you in some jujitsu hold or they'll

00:49:29.420 like literally and they have like cops there that'll like arrest you they'll co-sign the torture

00:49:34.080 that you get before and then they kick you well i'm kidding i'm kidding but if you do something 0.94

00:49:37.940 illegal at mothership then you're really fucked if you like whereas a regular club they'll just 0.94

00:49:43.200 kick you out but like mothership they'll be like yo actually uh we have a cop today like like if 0.99

00:49:47.420 you like brought in your own booze or like yeah no wait here do something really stupid and you're 0.98

00:49:53.400 not a comedian yeah you're not one of the chosen few it's uh spot in the green room was promised 0.99

00:50:01.440 to me 3 000 years ago hey they got rid of the menorah pillow i don't know what the fuck happened 0.95

00:50:06.840 to the menorah pillow i don't know what's that about that oh yeah that's right there was there 0.94

00:50:11.320 It was a Menorah pillow.

00:50:12.300 It's seasonal.

00:50:13.480 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.97

00:50:15.660 Jew hatred, seasonal. 0.94

00:50:17.300 Yeah, of course. 0.93

00:50:18.080 Depends when they're bombing.

00:50:19.380 Yeah.

00:50:21.480 It's a great club.

00:50:22.980 Mothership is a great club.

00:50:24.180 I do feel very blessed.

00:50:25.500 Even though I've been so busy, which is a huge blessing,

00:50:30.000 and I want to really, from the bottom of my heart,

00:50:34.320 thank all these people who fucking believe in me.

00:50:36.460 it means so much when i see people believing in me and i mean there's and i see people hating me too 0.76

00:50:43.120 and you do have to take the good with the bad i i don't focus on the bad i really don't give a

00:50:48.740 shit if people don't like me obviously i don't like when people who are haters of my comedy 0.85

00:50:53.940 try to get it canceled it's like if you hate it hate it post a hate comment tell me i'm horrible 1.00

00:50:58.580 send me a fucking email telling me that i shouldn't fucking exist and i'm an awful person 0.99

00:51:02.980 that's fine but this whole like trying to get it canceled for the people who like it shit is 0.99

00:51:07.460 not good for the their karma their karmic you know these people who want but they think it's 0.99

00:51:13.480 good karma for them they're canceling somebody it's gonna now your shit's gonna be canceled and 0.91

00:51:17.080 now you you know that ben ball ball sack guy that i made fun of from nanaimo he uh they're doing a 0.95

00:51:24.520 fundraiser now an anti ben bank is fundraiser i don't know what they're raising funds for for 0.97

00:51:29.620 this guy's life because he has no fucking money because he has no talent and he's no he's nobody 0.97

00:51:34.320 um damn so i and i think it's okay to do that it's okay to say that um what was the point that 0.99

00:51:42.280 i was making that he's not eating at fogo he's not going to fogo he ain't going to fogo dog he 0.99

00:51:47.980 ain't going to fogo fogo type of brother he ain't no fucking kermit he ain't no kermit type of brother 1.00

00:51:52.540 that's for sure he's more like um not a hamster he's a motherfucking slytherin 0.99

00:51:57.580 we over here in Gryffindor 0.98

00:52:01.020 I literally mix and match

00:52:08.580 every single movie from my childhood

00:52:10.260 into one jumbled mess

00:52:12.020 Kermit the Frog was in

00:52:13.760 Harry Potter 3

00:52:15.640 I love it

00:52:19.040 what was the point I was making

00:52:20.700 that I love the fans from the bottom of my heart

00:52:22.760 yeah man

00:52:25.260 don't pet the hamster 0.99

00:52:26.540 let the hamster do the fucking hamster thing um but there was a point in all that about the hating 0.99

00:52:32.360 and the knock oh yeah no you take the hate with the good and my point was that karma really i don't 0.99

00:52:39.040 give it like you start off by talking about the mothership i don't know people talk so much shit 0.99

00:52:43.180 about me i can't even remember what they're mad about like they you suck because it is and yeah 0.95

00:52:48.560 i do like i don't go through and read but like when you refresh your facebook app or your instagram 0.67

00:52:53.720 app it shows you and you see sometimes but it doesn't but those doesn't like it doesn't affect 0.97

00:53:00.920 me but there's people in my real life that fucking believe in me and that shit means a lot to me hell 0.97

00:53:07.940 yeah it does you know and i'm not talking about comments i'm not talking about hate i'm talking 0.98

00:53:12.600 about my real life people believe in what i'm doing and that's the most important thing and

00:53:17.980 i'm trying to create something bigger than me and and and we're gonna we're working on it and

00:53:23.900 rest assured this is like you know when trump goes on to fox and just goes everything's fine

00:53:30.140 we're blowing them up it's all good this is me doing that for my fans we're dropping beautiful

00:53:34.700 bombs this is me doing that for my fans that you know if they're ever worried i am constantly 0.93

00:53:39.720 thinking of what the fuck to do next what the next move is um don't you worry that's all i'm 0.98

00:53:46.240 going to say but just don't you fucking worry about anything other than be ready for what's 1.00

00:53:52.920 coming next huge announcement coming for toronto um let's get on that kermit shit you're looking 1.00

00:54:00.480 to hop onto the next lily i'm on that lily pad mother i'm a lily pad frogger motherfucker 1.00

00:54:05.820 frogging through life there's kermit and then there's frogger damn yo this is my frogger right 1.00

00:54:13.700 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:15.840 That's my frog-a.

00:54:17.440 Yeah.

00:54:17.900 That's my frog-a. 1.00

00:54:19.340 You motherfucking frogger. 1.00

00:54:22.020 Careful with the ER. 1.00

00:54:23.340 We're soft A, froggers. 1.00

00:54:24.460 Yo, froggers.

00:54:25.940 Froggers, baby.

00:54:26.380 A couple of frogs over here. 1.00

00:54:28.960 I'm on my frog shit. 1.00

00:54:30.800 Trying to hop to the next motherfucking. 1.00

00:54:33.140 Toronto, we're going to announce something insane. 0.97

00:54:37.300 I want to put out a special very soon.

00:54:40.960 i probably by the time this is i guess i could i want uh i guess i could say on here that i'm

00:54:47.140 going to be on gottfeld again on april 7th so we may have the special out for april 7th so i think 0.91

00:54:57.360 on april 1st or 2nd i'm going to announce that shit there's going to be a lot of exciting shit 0.83

00:55:02.440 happening apparently we're going to i had no idea that nasa was going to the moon doing a fake moon 0.98

00:55:08.300 landing again or something y'all still believe in space that's wild dog no i believe in space

00:55:13.020 i do i don't know maybe maybe i'm wrong maybe my there's another reason i used to like ben 0.71

00:55:17.380 bankers and he told me he thinks we're in orbit around fucking sun buddy um he's not a real 0.99

00:55:23.700 frogger i thought this guy was a frog i thought this guy was a frogger this guy's a motherfucking 1.00

00:55:28.580 toad up in his big bag he's a motherfucking tortoise oh man but you believe in that hamster 1.00

00:55:36.420 those two announcements is all i can tell you about vaguely and the other shit is just gonna 1.00

00:55:42.340 fucking blow your mind because that's my job and my job is to blow your motherfucking mind 1.00

00:55:46.640 fucking mind dog and if you got this far into the podcast your mind is motherfucking blown 1.00

00:55:51.440 might as well follow me to hank garza comedy yes please follow hank i need the hank garza too 0.99

00:55:58.340 hank garza too because the first one got taken away the massad you're in the family of the twos

00:56:04.000 The Ben Bank is a two.

00:56:05.060 The Hank Garza, too.

00:56:05.960 Maybe we should make everybody have to have a two if they want to open for me.

00:56:09.180 Yeah.

00:56:09.540 Arm and two.

00:56:10.960 Oh, yeah. 0.85

00:56:11.480 I had to buy Bank is black pants.

00:56:13.980 Oh, yeah.

00:56:14.300 You got black pants now.

00:56:16.100 Now you got to get short shorts.

00:56:17.420 I do.

00:56:17.760 That are ripped and stay in a hotel that's under construction.

00:56:22.300 No, you are staying in the same hotel.

00:56:24.760 That's how you know the podcast is over.

00:56:26.200 Oh, the drills started.

00:56:29.520 Thank you for listening to this podcast.

00:56:32.420 this is the first free podcast that i put out in a while uh please tell me what you know whatever

00:56:38.620 i already said at the beginning um but it's something that i'm recording now anyway i love

00:56:42.780 you guys good night let me record the beginning should i do a little like beginning thing just to

00:56:49.560 like today's episode is brought to you by fogo the child again fogo the child

00:56:55.800 22 minutes

00:56:58.260 by a cot

00:56:59.020 let me know

00:57:00.640 let me just do

00:57:01.200 a little quick 0.99

00:57:02.120 it's a fucking 1.00

00:57:04.820 drill 0.99

00:57:05.140 yeah why is that

00:57:07.020 drill going 0.99

00:57:07.640 the fuck 1.00

00:57:09.960 that was a jerk 1.00

00:57:10.920 doing a cult of 1.00

00:57:12.400 prayer here

00:57:13.020 yo it's

00:57:16.800 it's kermit season

00:57:18.300 now we got the

00:57:18.900 kermit town

00:57:19.480 yeah kermit town 1.00

00:57:20.880 black people 1.00

00:57:21.700 okay let me just 0.97

00:57:22.600 wrap this okay

00:57:23.280 um

00:57:23.840 welcome to bank is podcast with me ben bank is i'm here today with my buddy who is opening for

00:57:31.900 me on the road here in detroit hank garza please like and subscribe to the video to the channel

00:57:39.980 share this with everybody you know so that as many people know that ben bank is has a podcast

00:57:44.480 because a lot of people don't know if you're on spotify please subscribe that noise is not going

00:57:49.760 to be happening the whole time that is a uh that the pod the podcast is over we already recorded

00:57:54.620 it but this is the beginning enjoy spread the word bankers podcast holler at your boy love you

00:58:02.300 my froggers frogger nation that's we have to take that out yeah it's gonna be so

Bankas Podcast - May 26, 2026

Fogo de Bankas with Hank Garza ｜ Bankas Podcast #113

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