Fogo de Bankas with Hank Garza ｜ Bankas Podcast #113
Episode Stats
Harmful content
Misogyny
39
sentences flagged
Toxicity
350
sentences flagged
Hate speech
269
sentences flagged
Summary
On this episode of the BWR Podcast, the boys talk about a variety of topics. We discuss what it's like to be a comedian in the big bad city of Detroit, Michigan, and how to deal with hecklers at a comedy club.
Transcript
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that's just for us they don't need to it's too much explaining they'll just think we're retarded
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very true well i kind of am retarded just be the smartest version of
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of a mexican of a native american alcoholic jimmy kimmel i'm guillermo i don't know well yeah
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Looks good my legs look bad. No the legs aren't the issue. What is it?
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It's more just like I have the camera angled up
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Let me just see if I can move it over. Wait, when we sit like this?
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Just give me a second. It's not you guys. Don't worry
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welcome to the bank is podcast we are in detroit michigan i try i didn't i was successful last
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night in not ordering uber eats which was uh that's my new big that's my that's how i judge
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a tour how many did it if i not how many tickets were sold like the whole tour could be sold out
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but if i ordered uber eats every night it's it's an l so we're trying no uber eats um at night i
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did get a bag of like a small bag of flaming hot cheetos doritos and flaming hot cheetos
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that were good enough to put me to bed i'll be honest i i never used to understand i used to
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think chips were like in some ways chip there's chips are almost like less fattening than ordering
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food because it's less food i think i don't know i don't really know the science around it what i
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do know is that i'm wearing this on my head to prove a point and the point is i don't have a hat
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because we added it too late probably shouldn't have added it but i had to leave my family you
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know it was my son's birthday and then we had his party and then i left the next day at 8 a.m
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which was kind of you know it was a little painful to leave your family but you know there's
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daddy's got to go and get the bag the bag hunter gatherer type stuff dude that's why i wore this
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jacket in honor of that dude we're out here like lakotas or and this is hank hola who is he's uh
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hank is my native american friend is here to prove oh my uh my loyalty to the tribes yes sir
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how many tribes um a united nations were the tribes united united tribes of america uta yeah man
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um it's a it's a constant struggle with you know because
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with the you know people are always offended there's even people offended at my shows
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when they bought tickets to see me and then i crossed one of their imaginary lines
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like folks need to be like yo you gotta like let go and then oh my god the hecklers
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it's driving me nuts some of these shows they're so excited that i'm coming but then they get there
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and then they literally just don't know how to behave they just you know like i'll tell the joke
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huge laugh and then there's one person going yeah that's why i like that and it's like get up
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where is the self-awareness and i'm trying to work on myself my mind my body and soul and spirit
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to be able to deal with these people without you know last night i did tell a woman
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um to to like a woman who looked a little bit like a bird yeah yeah she did and i said
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close that fucking beak or something like that and i could tell it hurt because she knew that
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And then she was, she heckled, was interrupting me like, he used to be married to a Chinese woman.
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And then I was like, yeah, and he misses her right now.
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And, but the point is, it's like, and then they, I make fun of them.
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They're like, he's like, well, what did you think?
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You saw everything that has been happening in the months and weeks prior to you coming to the show.
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The reason you bought tickets for the show is you probably saw something.
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And, you know, I mean, I'm butchering the eventual standup clip.
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But basically, the end of the clip is me going, you know, you saw me do this to somebody else and thought I want him to do that to me.
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I haven't talked about it publicly on a podcast
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This Chinese guy who threw a drink at me after I insulted his friend's wife.
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This guy's wife was a friend of this Chinese guy who had his own Chinese woman.
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There was two Chinese people in a group of whatever's, whites, Italians or something.
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She kept doing the same thing where it's like you tell the joke, kills.
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And then she goes, yeah, that's why I love you.
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and it's like you're talking during the performance there's nothing it's going to
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it up and then when i make fun of them again and again they don't stop what what josh was saying
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he had the perfect formula somebody asked you what here come over here and tell can you just
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say it into the mic what whatever you first one he's gonna say sorry we're gonna edit
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tell them what yeah somebody asked you what happens all right when someone heckles ben
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first time it's gonna be can you please stop we're doing the show second time he's gonna
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fuck with you third time he's gonna fuck with you and then kick you out i think that's a
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completely different order than what he said yesterday but he was under pressure but i liked
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it but i i no i well usually i make fun of them first and then i i'm like they don't stop then
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it's like i give them a warning and then i fuck with them hard and then if they don't like realize
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okay that's fucked up i don't want to i don't know look just this is why there's a couple shows
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now where it's like the show's sold out and there's one table in the front that's empty
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and i'm like that's because people are afraid to sit there but it's like if you sit there and you
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enjoy watch this you're gonna have a great show i barely even look at the front row
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that was one something when some cbc canadian media person tried to say to us that they said
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that we um that i that i didn't make a lot of eye contact with the audience i'm like well probably
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not you bitch because why the fuck would i look at you no you're some woman sitting alone you know
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trying to write down every word i'm saying so looking to be a victim oh god but it's fun it's
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Let me rant for 10 minutes about one woman in the front row.
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Hey, can you shut that noise off the camera?
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I want to do this with the cameras off and the mics off,
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This is perfect for my first time featuring on the road.
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but my point is really nothing come to my shows they're super enjoyable but behave but there's
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like people will literally like start yelling at some of the other like the normal fans will start
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freaking out at the like crazy people and they'll be like yo shut the fuck up like i've heard people
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say that to like a random and there'll be a woman being like what like just completely plastered out
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of her mind like what I can't talk to you know like you know or I'll be killing and then somebody
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will throw me a suggestion I'll be like murdering and then somebody will be like hey you fucking do
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it Olivia Chow is the number one thing that people yell at me and I get it I get it and it's honestly
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hilarious in a way that I get upset about it because like it's me going like and then people
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are like do it again and i don't and then but it's like yo the smart people in the audience are like
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that's fucked up i know why he's not doing that it's a thing he was doing yeah and he stopped
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doing it so i mean there's other people who do it there's a comedian in toronto he made it his
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whole fucking shtick to to to do my old shtick and uh dress up like the chinese woman and he does
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the whole thing and but it's like if you want if that's really all you want then you know that's
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out there um i don't know i'm trying to get good at podcasting i don't know how to get good at
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podcasting because podcasting involves you being doing what i'm doing right now acting like a
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maniac every day you just have to get on there well not not necessarily i mean
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i mean like candace owens like you know she's she's doing everything she's watching videos
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she's reacting to videos she's um she's a mother apparently um i don't know i'm not shitting on
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her i'm just shitting on i wonder what color her toes yeah no for sure like what do you know what
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i mean it's like yo i either get canceled for saying like how i really feel about a political
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issue or i uh you know people are like i didn't like the way he spoke about that fan or you know
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it's like i'm not like chapelle roaning it like it's in the middle of the fucking i mean
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that's right you know i fucking lashing out of kids if a fan comes up to me at the airport
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or in a mall i will you know 100 percent take a moment and and thank them because the way i see
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it is like you know like billy bob thornton i heard him talking about it's like these people
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are paying for my kids to go through college like there's a like reality where it's like yo
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these people are these are my these are my fucking people yeah you know so it's my income but it's
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like my dream and it's you know you don't dream of being a notable person and then the second
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you're a notable person being like upset yeah you know i'm saying like oh why is everybody
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coming up to me and shit it's like you gotta you know chapelle rowan it's like you're a big star
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but she's not even i mean she's worth 10 mil i apparently on i don't know but only 10 apparently
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only 10 which is like not enough for her to act that way like that's like 100 mil yeah that's like
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i got 100 mil in the bank yo leave me the fuck alone fuck off i literally could make everybody
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hate me for the rest of eternity and still be a like a like a billionaire or multi-millionaire
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um 10 million's great and you know look i want to be at 10 mil i'm not a 10 mil that's why you
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gotta join patreon it's my ad what a horrible ad hey i want to be rich fucking subscribe i mean a
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lot of other people but i i'd like that chapelle rowan doesn't give a fuck in a way like you know
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there's part like yeah you know part of me it's kind of cool to be like is this your kid
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fucking put them under arrest i don't know like that is kind of funny but i don't do that but
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people get mad at me they're like i went to his show and i got kicked out it's like because you
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were insane and interrupting and it's like i i do feel bad kicking you out because you're like i
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fucking love you buddy i fucking used to fuck with your shit and then you fuck kicked me right out
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of here and it's like well yeah because you were like you had 15 beers like yeah i don't know and
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i'm not saying there's a lit like you know don't if you come to my show don't drink but i mean like
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tip to well yeah tip but if you're fucking staff at least i mean 50 do you think 15 beers to your
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dome is like reasonable out of night out yes yes
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fuck i don't know i don't know what i'm talking about then i really don't if you think 15 be like
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if i had eight 12 if i had like eight beers i would be and and sitting like not even like i'm
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not talking about like at the bar and then you go to another place and then you go here and at the
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end of the night i had 15 beers it's like movement it all goes to the brain sitting down well i guess
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they pre-drink too so like i mean in this show i did in canada there was natives that came to the
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show because they were the funny part is that natives in canada still come to my comedy shows
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even though like the woke natives from their communities are like this you shouldn't watch
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this it's racist it's blah blah blah but that makes natives want to watch it because number
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one natives are native to the land they are not they've been here through all of our cultural
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you know they were in the 90s they like that humor they all watch sky so they don't fully
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the news says and goes, he's the most outrageous and awful.
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Even the people that might hate it are like, I'm kind of curious.
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do a talk because and i talked about it in the stand-up last night and it was actually quite
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funny um i like the color of her skin what kamala that was like some yellow caramels oh yeah dude
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yellow toes yeah what do you mean like the bottom no no no painted oh painted yeah nothing dark
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i thought you meant like fucking like yeah yeah yellow toenails yeah no no not the toe like i
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thought you meant like the bottom yeah when the shit's i know what you're talking about like the
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the uh hardened yeah callous yeah no i like the caramel foot with a callous yellow motherfucking
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bunion no yeah um delicious yeah i mean no but this is the thing is no like you know i i make
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fun of kamla but i i do respect anybody that's been in like that kind of off you know what i
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mean like even if it was a country i never even if i met somebody and they're like i was the
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Moldovan vice president from 2009 to, I'd be like, that's cool.
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But the point is that I went to, you know, some people would be like,
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oh, well, I wouldn't have even wanted to give her money because it's,
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um and i think that there are still people who you know quote by the way not all native canadians
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are liberal they're just the people in charge of their tribes are super liberal yeah and the
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reason being is because um you know it's it's it's way easier to get money from the government
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in canada if you're a liberal running the you know imagine they were all conservatives running
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the fucking native they wouldn't get any money because they would be like we need you know
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everybody should get to work but anyway my point is we kicked out natives from the show in sudberry
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because they were fucking having like 20 they were on their like 20th beer get it together dogs and
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it's like you know fire water like crazy so anyway
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get drunk have a great time yeah even if you gotta yell out a cup okay fine but like this whole like
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weird thing where they sit in in the front row and then they feel like they can interrupt not
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even like in a bad moment like in a moment where everything's going well yeah it's a weird thing
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where they interrupt when it's going well because they want i don't know i and so if it's a woman
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who does it it's like an insecurity thing that she's insecure that the guy that she's with isn't
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that funny and she's trying to get him to get crazy too to show off it's like a we're all really
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just primate we're fucking monkeys we're all retarded monkey and so like you know people
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that's what a heckle is basically that's all it is and when a man does it he's saying like
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it's it's really it gets darker it's darker when the man heckles and won't stop when a woman heckles
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and won't stop it's like people under they're like here we go because they know that this
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exists they know that women are capable of being that stupid in public whereas they don't really
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know that like when a men get when a man's that stupid in public it's a little scary even like
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that 80 year old man in in toledo who stood up yeah and was like and it was like okay he's 80 so
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i'm not that scared but i'm also kind of scared because this guy's like has nothing to lose he's
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just like ready to like my i i have a relative like biggie i have a relative that was 85 and
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killed himself oh yeah yeah like jumped in front of a train damn yeah that's awesome yeah
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jumped in front of thomas the motherfucking train
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trying to watch them come with the frog and i'm jumping in front of thomas the motherfucking train
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that guy killed somebody he killed mustang sally anyway that's a deep cut no people like that shit
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for real soprano we we need look at soprano's translator usually armin has is the yeah as a
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but you're you probably have a deeper understanding no you know what's crazy though that like i feel
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like people are are leaving natives out of is um like the furry community how they choose their
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animal i feel you have to go to a gay native and like to get your gay animal your gay spirit animal
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they do some poppers and then whatever animal pops up well they are trying to desperately
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mix native culture in canada with like gay and queer culture which is like if i was indigenous
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i'd be like yo what the isn't steven seagal like native i don't know but i will say this though i
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I mean, in native culture, it is very common to have, like, I wouldn't say three genders,
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but there's, like, a very deep understanding that there is, like, a mix between the two.
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But it's too, yeah, I remember my mom used to,
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she showed me this movie with Dustin Hoffman where he's.
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No, I've seen that movie too, which is also hilarious.
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1970 little big man and he rode the gay they made the like trans native like ride backwards on the
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horse like you couldn't ride forwards on the horse so that this idea that they were like yeah they
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didn't kill him but they were they like basically kept them around to bully the living shit out of
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them like they try to make it seem like they oh the two spirit were a big part of the native
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no they were the people they fucking were like ah fuck we lost the deer fucking beat the shit out of
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that guy yeah so and i'm not saying that's right obviously it's not right but i'm saying that this
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this defense of well that's why indigenous culture and queer culture have so many intersections it's
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like you guys are creating shit that wasn't that's not there to justify gays didn't have enough
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victim points and they just wanted to yeah like who else okay muslims come over here natives come
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over here uh it's a collective of points by that's what have you ever heard bipoc do you know that
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that might be a canadian thing oh yeah that's like a super woke cape a gay wrestler man i heard xpoc
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but never bipod bipoc with the bronco bus it's a black indigenous person of color okay so now that
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they've also mixed like african ancestry with like the indigenous like can it's just like i don't
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know it gets to the point where you're like bro you're trying you're either trying to make people
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racist history repeats itself so the spaniards has this had this caste system and i don't i don't
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think it's still in place but uh back in the day it was the same thing and it all kind of started
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in texas bro where it's like okay if you had a spaniard mixed with the native it was a it was a
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mestizo but if it was like a spaniard born there with spanish parents it was a criollo and then
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if a criollo banged a black person it'd be it'd be called it yeah and it was like that's what it
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was the same and yeah it's just history repeating meti they call it meti will you call it what
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my mommy's a fucking yeah i know if the dad's white then it's something and then if the mom
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if the dad's native then and then there's like if the blood if the dad is native and the mom is
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black it's a coyote there's like there's it's a whole it's there's like 32 different cast
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right names that came that came out of it okay well like yeah there's definitely it's the same
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thing now it's just repeating itself and maybe the it's just it just feels like we're dividing
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society more into like these weird things over nothing it's like don't we just want to like
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get along instead of being like no this is we don't get along with you anymore and this is why
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here's the thesis statement here's the historical context here's this
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historical injustice it's like why can't we just fucking
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get along and and be like because i feel like a future person like like a
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a person who wants to live in a in a quote they call it progressive but
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progressive would be like yeah all that shit happened who gives a fuck move on
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all that means you can't because then they're violent yeah look let all that
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baby shit forget about it now we're just gonna start this whole thing over and we're gonna mix
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we're gonna blend gays and muslims and natives little people everybody yeah what so what would
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what would we call a gay mix with a Muslim?
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sacred opinion like the hollywood opinion like the idea that hollywood gets to be run by people
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that you don't know that are behind the scenes which well but it was run by jews i mean it still
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is but now they've given so much of the power to like okay well the woke shit which is not
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conducive to entertainment in my opinion um the thing with the well shit is like why do minorities
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Why do you cosign on them painting you as a victim?
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about Iran and the Ayatollah that they had a movie.
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Yeah, they were talking about the gay one,
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or like that he was in like uh he's the next linsky iatola uh mall cop yeah like paul i iatola blart
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it was i was like that's funny but that's not woke so now what's happening is the people who
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they became so woke and they covered everything and said we you know pro vaccine pro all this
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stuff and then now they're going a little bit they're dipping into like they realize like
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there's pop the more popular jokes and the more popular stuff is going to be a
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little bit more right-leaning so they do it but then they say I'm not right
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leaning and I'm against Trump and I'm against all these things I'm left
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leaning but I'm gonna still gonna make your joke and and it's like it's it's
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you get what I'm trying to what am I trying to get at I'm getting at they
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they chastise the right and say that they're wrong and then the only way for
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for them to get any viewership is to still tell a joke as if they weren't as liberal as they were
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with and they're allowed to protect themselves from any you know complaint because it's like
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wow it's Colbert you know he's done a lot for the administrator he's done a lot for
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liberal shit I don't know my point is that I make a fight but I do the same thing
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you know like if I do the same thing I make a joke like his audience will protect him in that
0.99
00:29:13.640
scenario yeah even though they're like that was a little far actually but i guess that doesn't even
00:29:20.880
pop it to their head because it's their guy it's whatever he says it's coming from our side so
0.95
00:29:25.860
fuck it and it's on tv so it's like whereas like if i make a joke if i turn around and make a little
0.99
00:29:32.500
bit of a charlie kurt joke like some of my audience are like mad at me it's like i literally
0.99
00:29:36.640
just did like i just talked about renee good for 10 minutes and then i'll do one little quip
00:29:46.220
about charlie and it's like oh my god you know oh my god i thought he was on our side it's like
00:29:52.700
guys i'm on the side of saying something funny and there's people laughing in the audience so
00:29:57.040
it's not like an unfunny thing the people who aren't laughing are people who were to be honest
00:30:02.780
with you probably not laughing at anything but enjoying it like there are people who sit there
1.00
00:30:08.140
and they're kind of too they're just like too stupid to really get it yeah they're too stupid
0.99
00:30:12.480
to really laugh so but they're like i like this he's saying things that i like and then i'll say
1.00
00:30:18.480
something like and then they're like hey why did you say that it's like dude you didn't laugh at
00:30:22.080
anything or like last night was that woman like you know oh it's like you didn't even laugh i
00:30:26.860
didn't see you laughing enjoying and then i made fun of her and she laughed and she was like he's
1.00
00:30:30.980
right and it's like well yeah of course i'm fucking right but the problem with that lady
0.97
00:30:34.920
she heckled me but she was also like talking to the people beside her who weren't with her being
0.99
00:30:40.860
like that's too far that's too far he shouldn't have said that it's like shut the fuck up and
1.00
00:30:45.800
watch the show or get the fuck out malignant motherfucker is that awful to say no you have
1.00
00:30:53.560
to say it you have to be yourself like i hate this whole like people are like never change and
1.00
00:30:58.460
then i'm like get the fuck out of my show and they're like i don't like him anymore it's like
0.98
00:31:02.360
well you fucked up you said and then the you were my favorite comedian if i was truly your favorite
0.99
00:31:08.620
comedian you would have sat there you would have drank three to six drinks three to six six sick
1.00
00:31:16.760
closer to six closer to six but look maybe some wings not you know people i i think that people
00:31:23.380
use alcohol as an excuse top out for shitty behavior for no manners it's an excuse to act
00:31:30.620
like it pretend like oh i'm not really like this this is just because i'm drunk it's like no you
0.63
00:31:36.220
are really like this you're drunk as well if you weren't drunk you'd also be annoying which is why
00:31:42.120
you got drunk because you knew that if you were drunk and annoying at least there was an excuse
00:31:45.740
i it's annoying because i get i drank i don't get like that i i just never really gotten like
00:31:52.900
unless i'm with like and these times probably won't even happen again but there's been times
00:31:57.260
where you know super close friends and you know i'm not at the stage i'm at now where there's like
00:32:04.520
visibility and like there's a fun up you know we're at a show we get completely and we joke
0.99
00:32:09.680
around with each other but if i have to go into public i mean you could be on some crazy ass shit
0.96
00:32:15.920
and still go into public and be like hello sir may i please check into my like i don't know there's
0.99
00:32:19.800
just this some people are yeah it's like oh my god fuck please don't drive home if you're like that
0.99
00:32:31.480
fuck's sake maybe do hit a fucking pole yeah a pole but don't like then they hit some other
1.00
00:32:38.500
fucking mother and they hurt other people man i don't know i don't know what i'm even stressing
1.00
00:32:45.420
out about exercise this is a crisis there's no crisis it's just fun and then but you gotta
1.00
00:32:50.520
this is what podcasts what it was a podcast supposed to be what the fuck do you want from me
0.96
00:33:00.560
what you fucking want from a motherfucking kermit the frog man
1.00
00:33:05.720
they all just need to go to fogo the chow if you go to fogo the chow and you
1.00
00:33:11.340
chow down don't sit next to ukrainians for one because then you won't get any meat but i can't
1.00
00:33:17.680
eat like that it's disgusting like what are you talking about i'm still full we had lunch yesterday
0.99
00:33:22.780
i'm full i haven't at mcdonald's no since no i'm just saying like no i'm done like after this pod
0.98
00:33:30.780
i'm going to the gym i'm i'm fucking i'm done with putting myself through this like abusive
0.93
00:33:37.020
you know food abuse and i think part of the dealing with the crazy drunk people like is
0.99
00:33:42.480
like i have to work on my own like shit your own demon like if i'm fucking thin i don't think
0.99
00:33:48.460
anything's gonna bother me as much you know i'm saying beefy five layer demons like if you're
1.00
00:33:52.600
just a thin person like and people are like fuck you you're like eh but you're fat you're like
1.00
00:33:57.740
shut up you fucking bitch that's i don't know i think it's not that hard to get thin i think um
1.00
00:34:05.080
health you really just have to not eat meth because like your body makes you thin like your
1.00
00:34:10.900
body every night is like i'm ready to make you thinner it's up to you and your fucking brain
0.98
00:34:17.580
to to push that food away because if you don't eat like say you eat one meal a day for like a
0.99
00:34:23.300
month you will lose weight if you're under that calorie deficit and you don't eat at night
00:34:27.080
you fast all day you drink water you don't drink booze you will fucking lose weight but they have
0.94
00:34:33.780
to come out with drugs like the glps so to make you do that which i don't want to do i've never
0.99
00:34:38.620
been on you've been on right no oh yeah yeah the the no not as epic okay no hell that's the geo
00:34:46.700
but those those drugs are meant to like numb your like craving which is actually scarier than it's
00:34:55.140
not like it's doing something your brain is not doing something to your body so i think that
00:35:00.740
whatever that those glp ones do to your brain that's a natural thing that humans are supposed
0.99
00:35:05.540
to be able to do on their own which is stop eating put the fucking ice i mean ice cream
0.98
00:35:09.920
might actually save me well if i were to just get a but even that grocery stores for comics that
0.99
00:35:16.560
you're on the road the best thing you can do is go to a motherfucking grocery store the day you
0.75
00:35:23.500
get to the club get fruit get you know some other like i mean deli meat's not really the
0.99
00:35:30.640
healthiest but it's better than ordering mcdonald's and pizza and shit or whatever whatever the
00:35:36.040
rotisserie chicken i don't care what it is you know fruit tuna tuna cans i mean then you know
0.99
00:35:41.700
if you're on the road like that then shit's pretty fucked but i eat like a cat out of a can yeah i
0.99
00:35:48.560
can't i can't exactly so then let's go to fucking fogo what are you talking about i'm honestly
1.00
00:35:53.180
starving that's why i'm so angry i want to eat tikka masala this guy's like let's do the fucking
0.98
00:35:59.900
podcast i'm not eating for 48 hours and i'm just like losing it i'm like there's some
0.99
00:36:03.820
in the front row but it's a quote polly walnuts that malignant cunt sometimes she wasn't a bull
0.88
00:36:12.940
that's yeah well i mean i don't know she wasn't that bad i feel bad calling her that but i have
0.99
00:36:19.100
called women that in the front row well shout out to her shout out to that woman and her nose
00:36:25.740
thank you for spending money on yeah i went to my show i thought she was pretty i like them like
00:36:32.900
that i like them little you know dynamic you like i like which one oh that one oh no the bird yeah
00:36:39.940
the one that looks like she can cut the bird oh that wasn't even that one she actually did shut
00:36:44.260
up she did she felt weird she felt weird because i called her a bird face and i was like look at
0.97
00:36:50.260
that fucking beak but i like birds bro anyone that follows me that follows my story i love
0.99
00:36:56.520
birds bro you're like yo i grew up pretty fine to fuck i don't know what you're talking about
1.00
00:37:05.880
but shout out to that girl yo follow me girl yo how do you drink how do you like to suck dick like
1.00
00:37:10.600
dude oh shit fucking bird she sucked my dick like a bird nah man i like to spit in their mouth and
1.00
00:37:20.020
then have to spit it back in my mouth the bird to regurgitate yeah i'm kidding only do that with my
1.00
00:37:27.120
wife it's um it wasn't her though it was the other woman yeah who was more of a not a bird
1.00
00:37:36.360
She was somebody that Kermit the Frog went on.
1.00
00:37:51.560
They try to roast me, and I just take those roasts and just make them merch.
00:38:10.800
We've just been doing a lot of Muppet inside jokes for some reason.
0.98
00:38:19.600
It's like this guy literally hangs out with his buddies and talks about Kermit the Frog.
1.00
00:38:31.220
Which one looked like Big Bird and which one looked like Miss Piggy?
1.00
00:38:34.020
it's in two different shows but it doesn't matter to me it's all the same fucking show it is it's
0.99
00:38:39.280
fucking puppets and human that puppets look like human beings try not to eat eating is is an easy
0.99
00:38:48.980
cop out when you're on the road it's so easy to be like i'm bored i'm sad i'm lonely you know
1.00
00:38:54.520
whatever it is the answer food will like for the moment solve that problem and the more food you
00:39:00.860
eat the closer you are to falling asleep which is it's almost like a heroin addiction where you're
00:39:06.640
just you want to eat until you're tired so that you sleep so that you don't have to and then you
1.00
00:39:11.140
wake up and you go i'm hungry it's fucked it's completely fucked so we're trying to i'm trying
0.99
00:39:18.420
to like i'm gonna try and do some push-ups and shit today yeah push-ups yeah well that'll fix it
0.99
00:39:26.480
probably make me more hungry yeah yeah that's the problem that's the problem with working out
0.95
00:39:33.120
is then you get really hungry then you eat too much then you don't want to work out and then
00:39:36.000
you're fat it's just it's a bad cycle i'm gonna go to fogo and have some cheese
00:39:39.920
you're going back yeah no you're not don't do that to yourself what are you talking about
00:39:46.740
what do you mean fogo to child's like 3 100 calories minimum like but it's good calories
0.91
00:39:54.700
okay if you only eat the meat with no sauce honestly now i'm getting fucking hungry
0.99
00:39:59.860
i mean you're like a pusher you're like a fogo to a chow fucking pusher i'm sponsored
0.99
00:40:05.680
you think massad's out to get you it's actually the brazilians dude it's fogo
0.99
00:40:11.700
it's the big fog brazilian massad the brazilian massad he's that fall
00:40:50.680
I fell asleep looking at Uber Eats going, I can't do this.
00:41:01.400
There was a girl standing alone in the snack area heating up some leftover Uber Eats.
1.00
00:41:07.540
And I was just smelling it going, fuck, I want to steal this bitch's food.
1.00
00:41:11.260
And I got three bags of chips and a chocolate bar.
1.00
00:41:17.260
And then as soon as I ate it, I fell asleep.
1.00
00:41:29.780
Oh, there's a Texas de Brazil, which is a Brazilian one.
1.00
00:41:35.140
You want to go to a second Brazilian steakhouse.
00:41:43.760
Didn't you feel full for like a day after that?
00:41:47.260
because i just ate meat i was sharp i mean the shows were good i wasn't that's the other bad
00:41:54.120
thing is we weren't sluggish i'll eat a ton and be like this is going to be brutal for the show
0.99
00:41:58.500
like i'm nervous now i'm upset i'm so fat and then i get there and i murder i'm like fuck yeah
0.99
00:42:03.900
we should have ate more you ate fucking lamb you ate a good animal you got that wisdom you got that
1.00
00:42:09.020
lamb wisdom dog man no the other what was the other fuck we ate beef too we ate beef too but
1.00
00:42:14.400
i mean you ate a little bit of lamb that's like the holy meat and some bacon every religion like
0.99
00:42:20.460
fucks with lamb really i think so see my stomach just rumbled that's the first time my stomach's
0.86
00:42:25.580
rumbled in like a month yeah like that's not right like you need to be hungry your body needs to
0.99
00:42:31.260
apparently it's like if you don't eat for like a week like all the cells in your body are new
00:42:38.340
every week yeah i did that for a few years you lost weight i mean it was coke back in the day
00:42:48.440
dude coke as a gatorade yeah that's that's all you need that's all you need
00:42:55.980
coke and gatorade maybe a baby ruth bar like with the peanuts you know to balance it out
00:43:02.940
i just i remember growing up there were so many more like diets like it felt like people were
0.95
00:43:07.940
like atkins slim fast weight watchers all this shit yeah man now it's all been proven to be
0.97
00:43:13.280
bullshit so it's like literally they're like literally you have two options we'll put a
1.00
00:43:16.480
fucking injection in your leg every day or you have to go like or i don't know you have to walk
1.00
00:43:22.840
yeah but then that's the problem with america is that there's not a lot of walkable cities so it's
0.99
00:43:28.240
like this is walkable i went on a walk this morning i walked toledo too you walked to toledo
00:43:57.420
You're like, I don't want to go out in the wild and find food.
00:44:00.960
i want to walk in my little fucking a little hamster wheel yeah i'm a hamster wheel
0.99
00:44:07.440
door dash kind of yeah you're a hamster type of brother
0.99
00:44:15.940
the frog and hamster show that's why it's so good frog and hamster you know y'all like this
0.99
00:44:22.160
shirt with jim lahey on it make sure that shit gets on there fool i am the liquor yeah i am the
0.99
00:44:28.540
fogo hank like i feel like texas likes canada i mean before all this bullshit is happening now
0.99
00:44:33.900
like generally yeah hunting fishing that's what we thought it was and like whites that drank yeah
0.99
00:44:40.060
which is what it was now i thought now it's like i was gay and native what the fuck yeah or indian
0.99
00:44:50.380
uh yeah by the way can we get that one clip josh of me doing the indian when i buy the indian
00:45:00.260
painting yeah i did that somewhere yeah where was that from and also the beginning of the show in
00:45:09.740
um campbell river where i'm wearing the gay outfit because i basically i wore this gay outfit
00:45:20.200
oh yeah river well i ran out of clothes and we got to we stayed in this town called nanaimo
00:45:26.840
which is i had an 800 seat theater sold out for a month and then i canceled it like four days before
00:45:35.700
because that they were just because they're woke and they were mad that i was going to be
00:45:41.640
successful in their town and nobody else has been that successful so nobody should be successful
0.93
00:45:45.400
and then now they're hosting a drag show with like you know half sold out or whatever bullshit
0.99
00:45:49.620
of course so but but we stayed in that town anyway just to fuck with them because it's like an hour
0.98
00:45:55.000
from this other town where they didn't cancel me because it's less well called campbell river
0.98
00:45:59.300
this is in victoria vancouver island in bc western bc western canada when i beat my felony i'm coming
0.75
00:46:07.220
over fuck yeah and um we drove so we just like i got a limo to take us from denaimo
0.58
00:46:16.600
to campbell river and back after the show but we stayed in denaimo and we walked around and they
0.98
00:46:25.920
had the you know they got the gay crosswalk and they have a little downtown with you know a couple
00:46:31.380
stores they got a dispensary and then and one of the stores that they had uh was a clothing store
00:46:36.920
so i went in and i got some clothes and i but really all they had was like gay people clothes
00:46:41.880
so that's what i bought i bought like a a flowery shirt and i thought it'd be funny to wear at the
00:46:48.760
show saying that they told me they wouldn't cancel the show if i dressed like a homosexual whatever so
00:46:52.980
we're gonna post that bit and then the other bit whatever i said what was the other bit
00:46:57.260
with um what did we say keep it oh yeah that's it um oh yeah the indian
00:47:06.500
indian native american painting i bought a painting of a native american
00:47:12.920
and i saw that um how'd you see it i just texted to you or showed you it i think you showed it to
00:47:19.760
i think i just showed it because i haven't posted it you're like i bought this um but i
00:47:40.060
No, they're from a different time. It's more direct.
00:47:46.580
And then we had to go ahead and bring all these other
0.99
00:47:59.740
What's the show with hamsters where they're like,
1.00
00:48:04.640
You remember that shit where the hamsters were like
1.00
00:48:22.240
It's like royal, like fucking hamsters and rats
1.00
00:48:36.660
You know, I love, like I said, I'll fucking stop what I'm doing.
0.90
00:48:43.400
Even when I'm with my family, I'll take a picture with a fan
0.97
00:48:47.520
my only thing that i get upset about that people you know it's like he kicked them out of the show
0.98
00:48:54.680
they didn't even they were just enjoying themselves it's like guys yeah if you're not
00:48:58.220
actually enjoying it like if you're enjoying a show you don't scream out that's i mean is that
1.00
00:49:06.980
crazy to say no it's not like fuck learn to behave you fucking mutts at mothership that just it
0.99
00:49:13.520
doesn't like they will give you one if you like every club that i go to on the road get one they'll
1.00
00:49:19.780
get three yeah you're like at mothership you get one they'll come up to you and go don't do that
00:49:25.020
again and if you do anything again you're kicked out they'll put you in some jujitsu hold or they'll
00:49:29.420
like literally and they have like cops there that'll like arrest you they'll co-sign the torture
00:49:34.080
that you get before and then they kick you well i'm kidding i'm kidding but if you do something
0.94
00:49:37.940
illegal at mothership then you're really fucked if you like whereas a regular club they'll just
0.94
00:49:43.200
kick you out but like mothership they'll be like yo actually uh we have a cop today like like if
0.99
00:49:47.420
you like brought in your own booze or like yeah no wait here do something really stupid and you're
0.98
00:49:53.400
not a comedian yeah you're not one of the chosen few it's uh spot in the green room was promised
0.99
00:50:01.440
to me 3 000 years ago hey they got rid of the menorah pillow i don't know what the fuck happened
0.95
00:50:06.840
to the menorah pillow i don't know what's that about that oh yeah that's right there was there
0.94
00:50:25.500
Even though I've been so busy, which is a huge blessing,
00:50:30.000
and I want to really, from the bottom of my heart,
00:50:34.320
thank all these people who fucking believe in me.
00:50:36.460
it means so much when i see people believing in me and i mean there's and i see people hating me too
0.76
00:50:43.120
and you do have to take the good with the bad i i don't focus on the bad i really don't give a
00:50:48.740
shit if people don't like me obviously i don't like when people who are haters of my comedy
0.85
00:50:53.940
try to get it canceled it's like if you hate it hate it post a hate comment tell me i'm horrible
1.00
00:50:58.580
send me a fucking email telling me that i shouldn't fucking exist and i'm an awful person
0.99
00:51:02.980
that's fine but this whole like trying to get it canceled for the people who like it shit is
0.99
00:51:07.460
not good for the their karma their karmic you know these people who want but they think it's
0.99
00:51:13.480
good karma for them they're canceling somebody it's gonna now your shit's gonna be canceled and
0.91
00:51:17.080
now you you know that ben ball ball sack guy that i made fun of from nanaimo he uh they're doing a
0.95
00:51:24.520
fundraiser now an anti ben bank is fundraiser i don't know what they're raising funds for for
0.97
00:51:29.620
this guy's life because he has no fucking money because he has no talent and he's no he's nobody
0.97
00:51:34.320
um damn so i and i think it's okay to do that it's okay to say that um what was the point that
0.99
00:51:42.280
i was making that he's not eating at fogo he's not going to fogo he ain't going to fogo dog he
0.99
00:51:47.980
ain't going to fogo fogo type of brother he ain't no fucking kermit he ain't no kermit type of brother
1.00
00:51:52.540
that's for sure he's more like um not a hamster he's a motherfucking slytherin
0.99
00:52:20.700
that I love the fans from the bottom of my heart
00:52:26.540
let the hamster do the fucking hamster thing um but there was a point in all that about the hating
0.99
00:52:32.360
and the knock oh yeah no you take the hate with the good and my point was that karma really i don't
0.99
00:52:39.040
give it like you start off by talking about the mothership i don't know people talk so much shit
0.99
00:52:43.180
about me i can't even remember what they're mad about like they you suck because it is and yeah
0.95
00:52:48.560
i do like i don't go through and read but like when you refresh your facebook app or your instagram
0.67
00:52:53.720
app it shows you and you see sometimes but it doesn't but those doesn't like it doesn't affect
0.97
00:53:00.920
me but there's people in my real life that fucking believe in me and that shit means a lot to me hell
0.97
00:53:07.940
yeah it does you know and i'm not talking about comments i'm not talking about hate i'm talking
0.98
00:53:12.600
about my real life people believe in what i'm doing and that's the most important thing and
00:53:17.980
i'm trying to create something bigger than me and and and we're gonna we're working on it and
00:53:23.900
rest assured this is like you know when trump goes on to fox and just goes everything's fine
00:53:30.140
we're blowing them up it's all good this is me doing that for my fans we're dropping beautiful
00:53:34.700
bombs this is me doing that for my fans that you know if they're ever worried i am constantly
0.93
00:53:39.720
thinking of what the fuck to do next what the next move is um don't you worry that's all i'm
0.98
00:53:46.240
going to say but just don't you fucking worry about anything other than be ready for what's
1.00
00:53:52.920
coming next huge announcement coming for toronto um let's get on that kermit shit you're looking
1.00
00:54:00.480
to hop onto the next lily i'm on that lily pad mother i'm a lily pad frogger motherfucker
1.00
00:54:05.820
frogging through life there's kermit and then there's frogger damn yo this is my frogger right
1.00
00:54:33.140
Toronto, we're going to announce something insane.
0.97
00:54:40.960
i probably by the time this is i guess i could i want uh i guess i could say on here that i'm
00:54:47.140
going to be on gottfeld again on april 7th so we may have the special out for april 7th so i think
0.91
00:54:57.360
on april 1st or 2nd i'm going to announce that shit there's going to be a lot of exciting shit
0.83
00:55:02.440
happening apparently we're going to i had no idea that nasa was going to the moon doing a fake moon
0.98
00:55:08.300
landing again or something y'all still believe in space that's wild dog no i believe in space
00:55:13.020
i do i don't know maybe maybe i'm wrong maybe my there's another reason i used to like ben
0.71
00:55:17.380
bankers and he told me he thinks we're in orbit around fucking sun buddy um he's not a real
0.99
00:55:23.700
frogger i thought this guy was a frog i thought this guy was a frogger this guy's a motherfucking
1.00
00:55:28.580
toad up in his big bag he's a motherfucking tortoise oh man but you believe in that hamster
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those two announcements is all i can tell you about vaguely and the other shit is just gonna
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00:55:42.340
fucking blow your mind because that's my job and my job is to blow your motherfucking mind
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fucking mind dog and if you got this far into the podcast your mind is motherfucking blown
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00:55:51.440
might as well follow me to hank garza comedy yes please follow hank i need the hank garza too
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00:55:58.340
hank garza too because the first one got taken away the massad you're in the family of the twos
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Maybe we should make everybody have to have a two if they want to open for me.
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That are ripped and stay in a hotel that's under construction.
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this is the first free podcast that i put out in a while uh please tell me what you know whatever
00:56:38.620
i already said at the beginning um but it's something that i'm recording now anyway i love
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you guys good night let me record the beginning should i do a little like beginning thing just to
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like today's episode is brought to you by fogo the child again fogo the child
00:57:23.840
welcome to bank is podcast with me ben bank is i'm here today with my buddy who is opening for
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me on the road here in detroit hank garza please like and subscribe to the video to the channel
00:57:39.980
share this with everybody you know so that as many people know that ben bank is has a podcast
00:57:44.480
because a lot of people don't know if you're on spotify please subscribe that noise is not going
00:57:49.760
to be happening the whole time that is a uh that the pod the podcast is over we already recorded
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it but this is the beginning enjoy spread the word bankers podcast holler at your boy love you
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my froggers frogger nation that's we have to take that out yeah it's gonna be so