Bankas Podcast - April 22, 2024


GO REEF GO ｜ The Bankas Show - #050


Episode Stats

Length

16 minutes

Words per Minute

153.51694

Word Count

2,475

Sentence Count

232


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
00:00:00.000 What's up, guys? It's me, Ben Bankus.
00:00:02.040 Before we get into the podcast,
00:00:04.160 I just want to let you know about some of my dates coming up
00:00:06.960 because I am going on a big USA tour.
00:00:10.940 Wednesday, May 8th, in Boston, Massachusetts,
00:00:14.560 at Laugh Boston, 8 p.m.
00:00:16.420 Wednesday, May 8th.
00:00:17.900 Thursday, May 9th, Detroit House of Comedy
00:00:20.540 in Detroit, Michigan.
00:00:23.220 Friday, May 10th, Vogel at Count Bassey
00:00:27.260 in Red Bank, New Jersey.
00:00:29.540 Saturday, May 11th, Empire Comedy Club, Portland, Maine.
00:00:34.020 Sunday, May 12th, New York Comedy Club,
00:00:37.040 East Village, 6 p.m., New York City.
00:00:40.780 Tuesday, May 14th, Funny Bone Orlando Comedy Club
00:00:44.760 in Orlando, Florida, 7 p.m.
00:00:49.060 Wednesday, May 15th, Tampa, Florida, Funny Bone Comedy Club.
00:00:54.420 Thursday, May 16th, Dania Improv in Dania Beach, Florida.
00:00:59.420 Sunday, May 19th, Syracuse, New York.
00:01:03.200 Monday, May 20th, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
00:01:07.020 I can't even say that.
00:01:09.380 420 was a long day, man.
00:01:11.840 Tuesday, May 21st, Helium Comedy Club, Buffalo, New York.
00:01:15.740 Thursday, May 23rd, Funny Bone in Albany, New York.
00:01:21.040 Wednesday, August 7th, I will be in Nashville, Tennessee.
00:01:25.880 These dates were just announced.
00:01:27.340 Nashville, Tennessee, August 7th.
00:01:29.200 August 8th, Zany's Comedy Club in Rosemont, Illinois.
00:01:33.940 Friday, August 9th, in Stamford, Connecticut at the New York Comedy Club, Stamford.
00:01:39.580 Thursday, August 22nd, Mic Drop Mania, Chandler, Arizona.
00:01:45.560 So I'm doing five shows there.
00:01:47.440 August 22nd, Friday, August 23rd, Friday, August 24th, or 23rd, two shows.
00:01:56.640 Saturday, August 24th, two shows in Chandler, Arizona.
00:02:01.720 We're almost done.
00:02:02.900 Sorry, folks.
00:02:03.620 Sunday, August 25th, Plano House of Comedy in Plano, Texas.
00:02:09.180 Friday, August 30th, San Diego, California, 7 p.m.
00:02:13.980 Saturday, August 31st, again in San Diego, California.
00:02:19.320 And then September 1st, Irvine, California, California.
00:02:24.860 So come check me out.
00:02:29.160 Come to a show.
00:02:30.180 You're not going to fucking regret it.
00:02:32.000 All new material.
00:02:32.980 You've never seen any of this shit online.
00:02:35.440 You know what it is.
00:02:36.500 Enjoy the podcast.
00:02:38.780 Hello and welcome to The Banker's Show.
00:02:41.160 Coming to you from Austin, Texas.
00:02:44.500 That's right.
00:02:45.100 I have officially moved to Austin, Texas.
00:02:48.240 This is my new home.
00:02:49.700 Sorry, Toronto.
00:02:50.880 I couldn't handle the rain tack.
00:02:53.000 The rain tack.
00:02:54.300 I didn't want to do a rain tack.
00:02:56.120 I didn't want to do.
00:02:58.540 People don't.
00:02:59.380 In Austin, they don't even have Chinese people.
00:03:01.540 Like, the only Chinese people here, I don't even think they talk, really.
00:03:04.760 I think they just look around.
00:03:08.660 They're afraid to talk.
00:03:09.720 I saw Indians at the gym that I go to here in Austin.
00:03:15.600 And they definitely had accents, but they were whispering because they didn't want anybody to hear that.
00:03:20.300 Right?
00:03:20.760 They were like, I don't want to go to.
00:03:23.460 But they didn't.
00:03:24.780 Isn't that nice?
00:03:26.140 Isn't that nice?
00:03:28.060 Just a little respect for everybody else.
00:03:31.320 You know, some respect for the culture, the culture of Texas.
00:03:38.080 Love it here.
00:03:38.960 And the first Austin show was a huge success, I would say.
00:03:46.840 You know, we didn't fully sell out, but we were almost sold out on the same night as Andrew Schultz.
00:03:53.620 And Ari Shafir was in town and 420 shows at every comedy club.
00:03:59.840 So, felt pretty good about that.
00:04:02.840 The audience loved it.
00:04:03.880 Got a lot of new material out.
00:04:05.440 Really just building right now.
00:04:08.460 Getting ready for this America Takeover Tour and being able to really be there for all you guys.
00:04:16.060 So, very cool that we had people coming from as far as Minnesota for the show.
00:04:21.240 I mean, that doesn't even make sense.
00:04:22.480 They probably drove farther than me.
00:04:24.520 I drove my car down here from Toronto, Canada.
00:04:27.980 So, that was a pretty long drive.
00:04:29.420 That was about 24 hours.
00:04:31.400 I did it in two days.
00:04:33.540 And the only real kind of shitty thing that happened was I did hit a bird at one point.
00:04:39.160 And I think it was a pregnant bird because, like, my car just had eggs all over it on the side.
00:04:45.440 So, I guess I basically, on the way to Texas, did an abortion, a bird abortion, before I got to the state limits where apparently that's illegal.
00:04:55.660 So, fuck, I'm out of breath because I just ran up the stairs, actually.
00:05:01.940 Had to go turn off the fans.
00:05:04.660 I'm not used to living in a place where you can actually control the climate inside, really.
00:05:10.400 Like, the apartment that I lived in in Toronto, like, you're pretty much just subjected to whatever temperature the Filipinos who run the building want the fucking shit to be.
00:05:20.980 So, getting used to all this, man.
00:05:24.680 Getting used to having my own, like, a spot that's not in a communist.
00:05:32.680 I mean, I don't even know what Canada is right now, to be honest with you.
00:05:35.980 I just saw the halal mortgage thing where Trudeau is trying to legalize halal mortgages, which I don't even really know what that is.
00:05:47.720 But when I think about it, I just picture Muslim people getting free homes.
00:05:53.320 I don't or cheaper homes than other people.
00:05:57.180 They don't have to pay interest.
00:05:58.400 Isn't that what it is?
00:05:59.100 They don't have to pay interest.
00:06:00.000 So, you're telling me Muslim people just don't have to pay interest now.
00:06:03.280 Is this not a Muslim takeover?
00:06:04.980 Like, I'm not trying to offend, but is it not a bit of...
00:06:10.980 For instance, think about how many people are going to convert to Islam just for the sake of not paying interest on a mortgage.
00:06:18.540 Number one.
00:06:19.960 Right?
00:06:21.460 Am I wrong?
00:06:22.600 Number two.
00:06:23.240 Look at the streets.
00:06:25.920 Look at you got those, the protests, the October 7th.
00:06:29.760 I get it, you know, but it's done.
00:06:32.820 Just, these people need to move on.
00:06:36.340 It's happening.
00:06:37.940 Israel's going to win.
00:06:40.200 Sorry.
00:06:41.120 You know, whatever conspiracies you want to have.
00:06:43.760 That's really, I mean, at the end of the day, that's going to be true.
00:06:46.180 So, just get over it.
00:06:48.880 We don't need halal mortgages.
00:06:51.700 This is opening the door.
00:06:54.060 People are saying, what about kosher mortgages?
00:06:56.240 And then somebody's saying, oh, well, that's what they already have, or kosher mortgages, where you just pay the interest.
00:07:01.740 I don't know, guys, I don't think we should be doing that, but I don't live there anymore.
00:07:12.500 I don't live in Canada, so I don't get to choose what happens, and I don't get to complain about it either.
00:07:20.140 Of course, Olivia Chow is out making a statement in favor of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
00:07:26.420 She's basically doing Maple Leafs promo now, which is wild.
00:07:33.440 And here, let's check it out.
00:07:36.400 This is Olivia Chow's latest video about the Toronto Maple Leafs.
00:07:42.600 Once again, the hope is on the rise from Toronto Maple Leafs.
00:07:47.620 We are praying the Boston Brewer in the first round of Stanley Cup.
00:07:54.060 I don't know much about the Hokie other than they use a chopstick to hit the puck.
00:08:02.960 But it's going to be hard for Torontonian to afford to go to the game because of all the rain tax.
00:08:09.780 So if you can afford to go, maybe take me with you.
00:08:12.740 Go, Reef, go!
00:08:13.560 Now, I don't know about you guys, but I can barely hear the accent, really.
00:08:21.060 I can barely hear it.
00:08:25.100 Yeah, I think Canada is doomed unless they elect the Pierre Polyev guy,
00:08:35.080 which is so crazy that it's controversial to say that.
00:08:41.640 If you're Canadian listening to this or American, and just think about it.
00:08:45.420 Like, we have two options in Canada, the Trudeau or the Polyev.
00:08:48.340 And it's just crazy to imagine that in Canada you can't vote for the other guy.
00:08:56.420 Because they already have that in America, right?
00:08:58.020 You can't vote for Trump.
00:08:58.940 If you vote for Trump, you're evil.
00:09:00.940 You're all these things, right?
00:09:02.720 And now it's in Canada.
00:09:04.420 Oh, you can't vote for Pierre Polyev.
00:09:06.620 You can't vote for the...
00:09:07.820 Actually, you can.
00:09:09.700 Sorry, but you can.
00:09:11.580 And I think I might.
00:09:12.420 I think I probably 100% might.
00:09:15.780 Because some bullshit, dude.
00:09:19.700 It's some bullshit that my generation got fucked by Canada's, you know,
00:09:27.340 whatever the woke...
00:09:31.120 People want to talk about woke.
00:09:32.680 The worst part about woke is tax.
00:09:35.380 It's tax.
00:09:36.680 Woke tax.
00:09:37.940 That's what carbon tax is.
00:09:39.580 It's just a woke tax.
00:09:40.860 It's just, hey, we're taxing you because we're trying to be woke.
00:09:45.080 Fuck that shit.
00:09:47.260 Fuck your taxes, okay?
00:09:50.660 Thank you for listening to the show.
00:09:52.360 If you want to support me, you want to support my career,
00:09:54.640 and you want to listen to more podcasts,
00:09:56.780 I do a bonus podcast every week on Patreon.
00:09:59.600 Patreon.com slash Ben Bankis.
00:10:01.820 Sign up right now.
00:10:03.000 It's $5 a month.
00:10:04.960 And you get a hell of a lot of content.
00:10:07.300 An extra right now.
00:10:09.160 It's at 40 or so podcasts.
00:10:11.380 You will not regret it.
00:10:13.080 Go sign up at BenBankis.com
00:10:15.900 and click Patreon or go to Patreon.com slash Ben Bankis.
00:10:20.940 I heard Boston has a Chinese mayor, too.
00:10:23.440 I'm coming to Boston.
00:10:25.140 And so it's Olivia Chow versus Michelle Wu
00:10:29.020 in the Stanley Cup playoffs.
00:10:30.840 I can't believe this, that the Leafs are once again
00:10:34.500 going to have to lose to the Bruins, which I hate to say that.
00:10:37.840 Look, I'm a Leaf fan only because I'm from Toronto.
00:10:41.160 But at this point, fuck them.
00:10:43.500 Like, they don't even deserve,
00:10:45.360 Toronto doesn't deserve a win right now.
00:10:48.400 When we had the Raptors parade, we deserved that shit.
00:10:52.480 John Tory, everybody, you could talk shit about John Tory
00:10:54.840 because he did all kinds of lockdowns and that stuff.
00:10:56.820 But he did cheat on his wife with, like, a 22-year-old
00:11:01.120 when his wife was, like, 70, which is, like, kind of, you know,
00:11:04.440 like, I'm not trying to, like, any guy who sees that
00:11:07.720 just kind of goes, they're proud of that guy for some reason.
00:11:12.380 I don't know.
00:11:12.860 It's not because we're bad people.
00:11:14.260 It's just in us to be, like, good on him.
00:11:17.180 There's just something there, okay?
00:11:19.840 Probably, I mean, because he's, like, 68 and, like, his wife,
00:11:23.500 you know what I mean?
00:11:23.880 But anyway, my point is that Toronto doesn't deserve
00:11:30.200 to win the Stanley Cup, but I still hope they do.
00:11:34.700 But I don't think they deserve it.
00:11:36.760 And if they do win, it's definitely rigged
00:11:40.400 because that's the only way that Canadians are going to stay in Canada
00:11:44.840 is if we win a Stanley Cup in Toronto,
00:11:47.580 if the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
00:11:50.320 That's, like, 10 more years of Trudeau right there.
00:11:52.500 Think about it.
00:11:54.040 If Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup,
00:11:56.240 that is the solidification of the Canadian dictatorship.
00:12:01.640 My great-grandparents, I never met my great-grandparents,
00:12:14.580 but I wonder what it was like to be an immigrant in Canada
00:12:21.120 as a white person just, like, in the 1900s, you know what I mean?
00:12:24.960 Like, would they have even, like, they probably weren't even racist
00:12:30.040 because they were, people were racist against them,
00:12:33.340 even though they were white.
00:12:34.240 There was, like, when, people would just, they didn't have racism.
00:12:36.880 It was just more, like, when did you get here, right?
00:12:39.720 Like, if you're white and then another white moves in
00:12:42.080 and they're, like, a new immigrant, it's like, how long you've been here?
00:12:45.520 Like, that's how I feel in America as a Canadian, right?
00:12:48.940 Because I look like I could just be American.
00:12:51.160 I could just, I'm just a regular guy pretty much, I guess.
00:12:55.360 A little better looking, obviously.
00:12:56.780 But I look like a regular guy in the sense that I might, you know,
00:13:02.760 people would think I'm American, but when I say I'm Canadian,
00:13:04.660 they're like, oh, visiting?
00:13:06.600 Like, they hope you're visiting.
00:13:08.860 There is, like, I kind of understand how maybe the Indians feel in Canada,
00:13:12.740 that are, you know, the Chinese, well, the Chinese,
00:13:14.660 they all live in their own Chinese areas.
00:13:16.180 Nobody sees them.
00:13:18.480 But, I mean, you see them if you go to, like, Niagara Falls
00:13:22.420 or, like, a science center or some shit.
00:13:26.380 But I'm just saying that I get treated like an immigrant now
00:13:28.540 and I kind of like it.
00:13:29.340 I kind of, I'm kind of vibing with it.
00:13:32.560 I like that people look at me as the other.
00:13:36.620 It's, there's something, like, you know?
00:13:38.120 So what are all these immigrants complaining about?
00:13:40.040 No, they don't even, they're not the ones complaining.
00:13:41.560 It's second and third generation Canadians
00:13:44.040 that were the kids of immigrants that are visible minorities
00:13:47.640 that are, like, woke, that are, like,
00:13:50.220 no, we need to make sure that, blah, blah, blah.
00:13:53.680 Shut the fuck up.
00:13:55.780 You're putting fucking pride flags
00:13:57.600 as the first thing that these immigrants
00:14:00.100 who, like, are already confused and scared,
00:14:03.320 now all they see is pride flags everywhere.
00:14:05.360 You think that's not messing with their heads a little bit?
00:14:08.000 You don't think that's making them crazy?
00:14:09.500 I mean, for real, man.
00:14:13.620 I don't even give a shit about anything.
00:14:15.140 You know what my entertainment is,
00:14:16.980 is the rap beef that's going on right now
00:14:18.740 with Drake and Kendrick Lamar.
00:14:21.260 I fucking love it.
00:14:22.200 Like, if you don't know what's going on,
00:14:23.560 basically, Kendrick said that Drake wasn't that good
00:14:28.220 on a track, and then now Drake's saying that
00:14:30.740 Kendrick basically is a midget
00:14:33.280 who wears Psy-7 men's shoes,
00:14:37.000 and it's hilarious.
00:14:39.200 I mean, there's nothing funnier than that.
00:14:41.560 You know, it's like a roast competition,
00:14:43.760 except they're both making amazing songs
00:14:45.560 that are going to last for centuries
00:14:47.020 as just marvels of hip-hop.
00:14:51.140 So I love it,
00:14:52.840 and that's the type of shit that I fucking do.
00:14:54.580 I mean, I just got to Austin.
00:14:55.720 I want to start.
00:14:56.420 I want to get out there on the golf course.
00:14:58.580 I mean, I'm not even good at golf,
00:15:00.160 but I just want to check it out.
00:15:01.200 I brought my clubs.
00:15:02.920 So I'm excited, man,
00:15:04.260 and I'm really happy you guys
00:15:07.200 are following with me on this journey.
00:15:09.600 And, you know, the podcast is short and sweet
00:15:14.180 because that's what it needs to be right now,
00:15:16.480 and we're going to have a hell of a lot more
00:15:19.760 entertainment for you coming up,
00:15:21.480 some longer format stand-up clips
00:15:24.620 and all kinds of stuff.
00:15:26.680 So stay tuned.
00:15:27.740 Thank you, guys.
00:15:28.720 I appreciate you very much.
00:15:31.140 Enjoy your time.
00:15:32.300 I'll see you next week, Monday.
00:15:34.080 Every Monday, we're going to be doing this podcast.
00:15:36.960 Next week will definitely be a longer podcast,
00:15:38.640 but every Monday, come check me out.
00:15:41.800 We're going to be doing it right.
00:15:43.060 We're going to be doing, you know,
00:15:44.500 I'm getting a producer and stuff.
00:15:45.940 This one, I didn't have a producer, obviously.
00:15:47.680 I'm just kind of in the corner here
00:15:49.820 with my laptop.
00:15:52.880 But we're going to do it big,
00:15:54.540 and we're going to do it right for you guys.
00:15:55.960 So stay tuned.
00:15:57.160 Thank you very much.
00:15:58.620 Thanks for listening, guys.
00:15:59.600 Thanks for listening, guys.
00:16:02.560 Think about supporting me at patreon.com
00:16:04.560 slash benbankus.
00:16:06.480 See you next week.