Bankas Podcast - Leafs in 4 ｜ Bankas Podcast

00:00:00.000 I fucking hate my dogs they fucking come in here and piss I just ranted about it for three minutes

00:00:04.260 probably longer than that but the podcast was not recording you know my wife oh what can I do to

00:00:10.860 help what can I do I don't know kill the dogs kill our dogs murder them I don't care anymore

00:00:16.500 is that even a crime like I guess it's a crime if people find out but I'm sick of it I'm sick

00:00:22.180 of dogs coming into my studio this is my studio this is the only room in my house I pay for the

00:00:27.760 whole fucking house I work my ass off I fucking travel the country two countries Canada and the

00:00:34.360 US they should be one sorry but and I pay for this house and the dogs come into the one fucking room

00:00:42.320 where I have a say on what's on the wall and I barely have a say by the way what paintings every

00:00:47.400 painting that you see every piece of art that you see here was contested every piece of art here was

00:00:52.280 I was told not to get it why did you get that how dare you you didn't ask me what do you mean

00:00:57.180 this is my room this is my little area why would I ask do you like this I mean no woman likes this

00:01:03.760 they don't know what this is they don't know anything um god bless her I love my wife but like

00:01:09.120 the dogs are a problem you know that the one dog went missing in one episode um and when I was on

00:01:15.960 love I did two podcasts where the dog was missing honestly didn't miss it that much that was the dog I

00:01:20.920 like the other dog is a piece of shit and pisses on things and you know it's that dog because the

00:01:27.640 other dog's a pussy and just pisses like a girl dog like putting its dick right next to the fucking floor

00:01:34.280 and the other dog pisses on things on the side so you can tell it's that dog because there's piss on

00:01:39.500 this side horrible they just come into my office coming to my office just now my wife is before I

00:01:46.700 started the podcast she said you know apologize I'm sorry that the dog is doing that and then the

00:01:53.100 dog's trying to come in here and piss while she's fucking apologizing like this is this dog has a

00:01:58.740 problem I have a problem with this dog okay this is my safe space you want to talk about safe spaces

00:02:05.460 with the lgbs and the thing and all that that shit I get it I get it now I this is my safe space

00:02:12.080 I don't even think dogs piss in the fucking lgbtq plus safe space which I don't know what that is

00:02:16.360 that's like an area of a library where you're allowed to transition kids I don't know what it is

00:02:20.620 but I just I just can't stand it I can't stand animals we bought a fish I don't like the fish but I

00:02:29.540 like it more than the dogs it's like this big it's a little beta fish waste of time all animals pet

00:02:36.220 smart should be burned to the ground I hate all of it it's just a bad investment it's it's you know

00:02:42.980 even though okay there's studies studies show if you pet your dog it will calm you down and

00:02:49.540 what study what fucking loser did a study about that that's like a USAID petting dogs helps you feel

00:02:57.340 like no you know what you know what helps you feel better not having a fucking pissy shitty fucking

00:03:02.160 animal that shits and piss I agree with Muslims I'm pro Hamas now get rid of the dogs cover the

00:03:09.540 women up and take away their rights welcome to the show everybody I am having a good day it's a

00:03:17.260 beautiful day in Austin Texas I just got back from New Jersey and we did a big I did a bit I don't

00:03:24.620 know I always go we did it who who who the fuck is we I did it a big show in New Jersey

00:03:31.440 I brought my openers that's who's we and uh and the video guy that I that let me stay at his place

00:03:39.720 which is very nice and um we made some good content I think I hope I don't know the I mean the

00:03:47.740 photographer took a bunch of pictures of me from behind showing me in front of the crowd and just

00:03:55.020 didn't think that it would be important for the crowd to be visible so it's just me performing to an

00:04:00.760 empty black room don't you love that don't you love that you just spend money and then it's like

00:04:07.160 oh good it's a black fucking vacant cool why didn't we just fucking do this in my dog piss studio

00:04:13.440 god damn it man but the show was good it was almost sold out the reason it was almost sold out is

00:04:20.800 because the show was on good fucking Friday right like there was there was like six maybe 70

00:04:26.780 tickets left 65 tickets left something like that and maybe like 50 or 100 people didn't even show up

00:04:35.060 who bought tickets reason being it's good Friday it's good Friday and then I have a ton of Jewish

00:04:40.440 fans that didn't come because it's it's Zeta and I mean I mean I'm happy they didn't come but like

00:04:45.900 and it was good Friday it's Easter weekend what the fuck and my my agent is Italian shouldn't he know

00:04:52.860 this he's my agent is Italian booking a show in New Jersey on good Friday and then looking at me

00:04:59.480 like how come it didn't sell out because the fucking main demographic was praying they didn't want to

00:05:08.780 come to a Ben Banker show on good Friday that's not a good Friday that's not it's a bad Friday I mean

00:05:14.300 it's a good time but it's a fucking you want to listen to me to you know explain why I talk in a

00:05:22.480 Chinese accent sometimes and hate myself fuck that if I was a a proper Catholic or Jew and it was a

00:05:29.200 Friday in Jersey but it was a beautiful place uh well not Newark it was in Newark by the way which

00:05:37.540 is I mean that's another reason who the fuck wants to drive like I have no fans in Newark every single

00:05:42.980 fan had to drive there from other parts of New Jersey other parts of the fucking people came from New

00:05:50.280 York whatever um to to downtown Newark which is a nightmare like this like the security guard had

00:05:57.440 to follow us out for every cigarette we had just to make sure that we weren't fucking kidnapped and

00:06:03.100 you know so it's a big theater it's called NJ PAC New Jersey Performing Arts Center in downtown Newark

00:06:11.460 there's two rooms we were in the smaller room it's like fits like 500 people the bigger room fits like

00:06:17.200 2500 or 3000 and so the show that was happening in the bigger room at the same time as my show

00:06:23.640 was Sailor Moon Live so Sailor Moon Live was happening at the exact same time as my comedy show so my fans

00:06:36.020 are getting there at the same time they're in this massive there's one line to get into the building

00:06:40.600 and it's freaks wearing Sailor Moon outfits like morbidly obese people wearing Sailor Moon

00:06:48.040 costumes lined up with my fans who are they're standing there thinking I guess Ben's fans are

00:06:54.220 really embracing the the Asian accent and I guess and I'm sitting there like I'm trying to

00:06:59.560 potentially I don't even want to do an Olivia Chow video ever again and I'm looking at this going

00:07:04.440 this is bad for every reason and they're playing squid games music for everybody lining up

00:07:09.220 it was funny and I did a bit about it on in the show and and I'm gonna post that clip and you know

00:07:15.700 if you want to see a clip whatever here it is whatever but welcome to Sailor Moon Live

00:07:22.340 holy shit

00:07:28.340 I walked up on this place I'm like my fans are taking this Chinese thing pretty seriously

00:07:38.360 pretty concerned not gonna lie I saw a motherfucking fat bitch in a fucking Sailor Moon costume I was like

00:07:50.540 who the hell is she kidding

00:07:53.080 400 pound Sailor fucking moon

00:07:57.020 she'd be shot dead in Japan if she

00:08:00.840 just a fucking nightmare though like it was fun because it was like oh I guess I don't have to come

00:08:09.060 up with my opening bit and then at the club uh well it's not club it's a fucking performing

00:08:13.380 oh it's a perform where's where are you perform and I just had to sound pretentious to every single

00:08:18.180 comic which is good like I like making people people feel worse about themselves a little bit

00:08:22.860 like I like them to be like where are you performing and I'm like New Jersey performing arts center oh

00:08:26.860 shit okay well fucking I'll blow my own head up I like that aspect of it but it is kind of like

00:08:33.120 New Jersey performing and then you know my fans come and then so they get two drinks one drink

00:08:40.660 right in the law in the foyer there's no intermission I didn't drink there was no booze for us

00:08:46.840 I would have had maybe one beer there was no booze

00:08:50.100 we go can we get booze they go oh what is it wasn't in your rider I was like I'm pretty sure

00:08:56.140 it was like every rider I've ever had I'm pretty sure I put diet cokes and fucking beers

00:09:02.680 and they didn't bring it they didn't bring me diet cokes and they just it was just diet cokes and

00:09:09.840 soda and then the fucking you know morbidly obese guy running the place that you know sorry we would

00:09:17.020 have to be much more expensive for us to cater and bring you boot what the okay fine we'll do the show

00:09:24.280 sober well fucking sailor moon live goes on in the next room over but it was a great show and it was

00:09:30.780 you know I got to hang out in New York I mean I was in I was hanging out Edgewater New Jersey very

00:09:39.540 nice part of New Jersey the reason it's nice is you can see New York those are the best parts of New

00:09:43.300 Jersey oh I can see New York so uh I went to New York every night uh Wednesday night we uh we were

00:09:52.100 there and I did uh spots um somewhere oh no I did a podcast I did a podcast with Bobby Kelly who's a

00:09:59.580 very funny comic and I've looked up to him for a very long time and if you don't know Bobby Kelly

00:10:04.620 is look him up I mean he was friends with Patrice O'Neill one of my fucking comics that I looked up

00:10:10.700 to for like you know I'm a huge fan of his I have a suit with Patrice's face on a dollar bill as the

00:10:17.360 lining to that suit a custom suit is the suit that I wore to my wedding so yeah I give a fuck about

00:10:23.200 Patrice I love Patrice's legacy and um it's cool to meet his friends um

00:10:29.300 little sad but cool nonetheless uh no I mean I hung out with then after so I did Bobby Kelly's

00:10:36.020 podcast which was above the comedy cellar uh in a studio above the comedy cellar and from there I

00:10:42.700 think we went and got food hung out and then we went to uh I was offered a spot by a guy who was

00:10:50.220 running Bobby Kelly's podcast name's Danny Braff and he offered me a spot in New Jersey like deep

00:10:58.080 New Jersey Morris Plains it's like a good hour from New York basically like 50 minutes

00:11:04.100 or maybe even longer maybe it was like an hour and a half but I was like fuck it I what what else

00:11:10.100 are we gonna do I didn't have any spots in the city and uh Rich Voss was on the show I wanted to

00:11:15.340 go hang out with him he was just on Rogan I was like fuck I'm gonna go shoot this shit

00:11:18.720 so and I saw I saw Rich Voss two days before that at Comedy Mothership hanging out and uh we kind of

00:11:25.620 just you know talked a little bit about I was I was telling him that I read the article about how he

00:11:31.460 got banned from a comedy club in Winnipeg for making fun of oh god indigenous people oh god forbid you

00:11:38.180 make fun of the fucking the demographic that everybody just constantly talks about every day

00:11:44.200 in Canada and so it's called Dojo it's a comedy club it's it's in the upstairs of an Italian

00:11:53.280 restaurant Morris Plains New Jersey I went there was 12 people in the audience maybe not even

00:11:58.760 and uh got to watch Rich Voss do like an hour for 12 people after doing uh Rogan's podcast which was

00:12:08.660 interesting um very uh very interesting it was like going to the Met but so I I I saw that I mean

00:12:17.580 I did comedy too I did 15 10 or 15 minutes or something it was kind of fun they gave us some

00:12:23.380 free food veal parm and then we headed home I was with my openers Ari Shield and Armin Arbavi

00:12:30.840 and um yeah the next night that was Wednesday night the next night Thursday did a spot at

00:12:39.060 the stand on Andre Kim's show Andre Kim very funny comic and then uh did another spot on a show at

00:12:49.340 New York Comedy Club Justin Silver's show and Justin Silver very funny comic they're both funny

00:12:55.320 and it was a nice time you know I had a drink or two and just chilled out and you know met some comics

00:13:03.040 and and ran parts of my set that I was gonna do I you know at the NJ Pack show so it was nice

00:13:11.420 it was nice to get to do that Andre Kim by the way shout out Andre I really love Andre but I feel bad

00:13:18.680 because Andre the day that my podcast or sorry the day that my comedy special dropped my latest one

00:13:26.880 Bankis AID um he shared it and then like an hour later he deleted the story and it like when you

00:13:36.120 when somebody shares your content and like tags you and then you repost that story when they delete it

00:13:43.020 and it gets deleted from your page you get notified and then you click that notification it takes you

00:13:48.860 right to the page of the person who did that so it's like fuck Andre Kim and Sean Gardini sorry I'm

00:13:54.800 outing him for this but he also did that and both of them had like similar excuses but this was the

00:14:01.740 difference Andre Kim called me so he was like bro I'm so sorry my girlfriend didn't saw your comedy

00:14:11.020 special after I shared it and got upset I don't know what the fuck if that's even true but I still

00:14:18.000 respect him either way and sometimes you gotta lie in this business okay um and I mean it was funny like

00:14:24.480 and he's gonna come on the podcast we're gonna talk about this soon but it is funny like I don't really

00:14:29.380 care but then Sean Gardini also said the same thing but he said his ex-girlfriend was mad because she

00:14:37.220 was woke or something and saw my clicked on the special and was like how can you share this and

00:14:43.160 then Sean eventually told me that it was actually just like gay comics that were mad I don't I don't

00:14:49.440 know what the truth is uh love both those guys well I I honestly do and I don't care that they did that

00:14:54.940 I mean I it makes me a little sad that like some comics you know when they post this when they have a

00:15:01.180 special out they are you know and they're more well known than me they've been in the American

00:15:06.720 scene longer than me so they do a tour of podcasts they do all the major podcasts and get the word out

00:15:13.520 that they're that they're specials out um they have prominent comedians and other people sharing

00:15:19.700 their specials I had two I had Andre Kim and Sean Gardini I was like I was excited about that and then

00:15:26.260 they um deleted it but anyway you can go watch my special bank is AID and it is very funny but

00:15:32.960 anyway so did Andre's show did uh Justin Silver's show and then we basically just went back to

00:15:41.640 Edgewater called it a night Friday kind of pulled my fucking boots myself up by my bootstraps

00:15:51.280 and we worked out for a couple hours at the condo that we were staying at and then

00:15:57.600 um did it like a hardcore sauna sesh and just kind of got ready and went down to the show

00:16:05.620 and I have had so this is fucked up so I had this female comic um she's older she's like in her 50s or

00:16:14.760 something and she was has harassed me for years harassed I'm talking harassed send me message after

00:16:23.300 message please I'm opening for she lists four comics she opens for that I've never heard of that

00:16:28.400 nobody's ever heard of I'm open for this Chris Smalls and Bill Bill Bill Biggs and I don't know

00:16:35.140 who the fuck she's opening for and um oh great there's fucking food on my face there's always something

00:16:40.720 oh it's a good podcast oh there's fucking food all over my face oh it's a good podcast I never

00:16:44.800 press record anyway so she's been harassing me forever and and you know I recently like two weeks

00:16:54.000 ago I went live on Instagram and she was in the comments going please can I open for you I know

00:17:00.460 I've messaged you a lot and all this stuff and I go no you can never fucking open for me like stop

00:17:06.780 asking it's fucking crazy and then my wife was watching the the live and she felt bad for her

00:17:13.140 that was mean you should let her open like she what's the big deal she's got a hundred and something

00:17:20.380 thousand followers which I to be honest with you they're definitely fake like there's almost no way

00:17:25.120 they're not fake followers if you look at her fucking Instagram I don't even want to throw her

00:17:28.780 under the bus but if you look at her fucking Instagram it's all videos getting like 2,000 views

00:17:35.820 with like very few likes and she has 140 it doesn't add up and it just doesn't when you meet

00:17:41.280 her you're like there's definitely no fucking way but um so she's harassing and harassing and then she

00:17:47.980 kept harassing after the live and I finally so I fucked up she posted that she was going to be on

00:17:53.800 Rogan and this apparently I'm so stupid that I didn't realize that this was a fucking April Fool's

00:18:01.240 joke but I don't even think she posted on April Fool's I think it was like April 3rd but she's

00:18:05.320 fucking kind of retarded so she posted on April 3rd me and then I saw that and I waited another day

00:18:12.080 and then she messaged me and I go okay fine you can open and sometimes comics do this like people

00:18:16.780 harass them to the point where they're like you know what you can open because I want you to see

00:18:19.960 how much you shouldn't have been there and and they'll never ask again because then they come and

00:18:25.780 they you know your friends like my you know Ari and Armin are there and she's like I feel like it's a

00:18:29.980 boys club it's like yeah it's my show and these are my friends and you're a retard that fucking showed up

00:18:34.700 sorry that's the truth that's the truth and I don't really care what the fuck so you know so

00:18:41.520 she fucking comes and you know she she gets to the show two hours early two hours two hours early

00:18:49.200 before the show she's texting me I'm already here there's nobody to let me like she's already it's

00:18:54.380 like this is why you don't fucking let this is my mistake I should have never I mean I'm blaming

00:18:58.660 my wife she guilt tripped me into doing this that's why I'm also blaming my wife for the dogs

00:19:03.040 pissing on the fucking floor I blame her for a lot of things but the point is that this woman came

00:19:09.320 two hours before the show do you understand or three hours like it was like three hours I think

00:19:16.420 it was like four o'clock or something the show was at seven completely insane and then we get there

00:19:24.060 and she's asking all these questions and I've hired people to film the show and she's asking where can

00:19:28.220 I put my camera what do you mean put your camera you're not filming your set you're a fucking old

00:19:33.040 bag dude I'm sorry but if I'm an ass I'm an asshole okay and then she's going apparently to my

00:19:42.140 openers like when I was on stage she's like oh the offensive stuff really work she didn't even like

00:19:47.640 really know who I was like she didn't even really like she acts like she's a big fan of my comedy it's

00:19:54.400 like you didn't even know that I do this kind of stuff and you're saying this to my friend like it

00:19:59.380 was just so crazy and she was just so and I felt good doing it for her but it was just so fucked up

00:20:07.880 oh my god anyway so whatever she did her set it was went okay and then my friends went on and cleaned

00:20:17.980 up the mess but it was just why did I do that because it's fucking funny sometimes it's fucking

00:20:24.440 funny to do I'll never do it again and you know people who ask I get it like I was that guy once

00:20:32.200 asking comics to do shows and they I remember a comic just said never fucking ask me to do this

00:20:38.100 again and I and I was like offended and now I realize why because it's why the fuck would you

00:20:43.060 why would you want a random person at any show ever ever and why do they want to because the whole time

00:20:49.880 she's like I feel out of place it's like yeah because you are and you forced yourself here and I

00:20:55.780 basically just said yes because you like I just felt like you know bad for you like you know you know

00:21:01.240 feeling bad you know you've seen kill Tony you know when they the person with the wheelchair comes

00:21:05.680 on you feel bad so you clap um so you let them on the show but anyway it was uh it all worked out

00:21:14.160 and she's very nice and I I'm honestly just talking shit but like she's nice and she's gonna you know

00:21:20.240 put my friend Ari on some shows apparently I don't know what shows she runs she runs a blog some show I

00:21:26.900 don't know there's it's it's one of those things where it's like they're lying like people just lie

00:21:33.320 they're like no I do a lot I I open for everybody I'm killing it no you're not you you're not okay

00:21:39.820 and that's like people who bring me on stage like I'm a new regular at the comedy mothership which I

00:21:46.140 understand and I'm super grateful to be there it took me a year to get past at the comedy mothership in

00:21:52.280 Austin Texas um you know five showcases and getting my name out there in the scene I mean I already had

00:22:01.700 when I showed up with like 225,000 followers but get my name out in the scene grinding um continuing to

00:22:10.080 tour living here um but sometimes people bring me on stage and they'll just be like yeah this guy's

00:22:16.760 Canadian that like that's my credit that I'm Canadian like it's not that he's touring 70 shows

00:22:22.500 uh it's not that he's you know selling out theaters if you want to say I'm Canadian I'm selling out

00:22:28.760 theaters in Canada touring comedy clubs in America I don't really give a shit I only really care when

00:22:34.520 people bring me on stage with something shitty after they've asked me that didn't happen at

00:22:38.960 mothership that happened at Roscoe's but somebody asked me they go what would you like me to say about

00:22:43.640 you I said just just say funny guy and bring me up just go Ben Bankus really funny guy and you don't

00:22:48.140 even have to you I was like you could just say Ben Bankus you could say nothing this next comic Ben

00:22:52.960 Bankus that's it sometimes that's how I bring people on because when you're doing shows in Austin

00:22:57.800 you have to bring people on because it's a shotgun that's what they call it where you there's no host

00:23:03.940 there's nobody coming up in between the comics you just finish your act and you bring on the next

00:23:07.720 person and then they bring and when that happens I go thank you guys very much my name is Ben Bankus

00:23:12.520 you guys join show you ready for your next comic give it up for the very funny blank

00:23:17.140 um but what do you want me to say go just say them funny guy or say nothing and then she goes

00:23:24.480 this guy's a real ray of sunshine I'm like why are you sewering me and even some of the Canadian

00:23:31.400 it's like you can remember you know Canada remember like it's like people know what Canada is

00:23:36.620 but anyway I'm just I'm venting some of my frustrations and have nothing against any of the

00:23:41.140 people who fucking do that I just think that there's like this weird thing where like you

00:23:46.920 know that woman that I was talking about that it opened for me I feel like when people bring her up

00:23:51.760 that you know even they're like she's from she runs a lot of shows she's open for a lot of comedians

00:23:58.740 and she's really fun and then but then me it's like even though my credentials are way more legitimate

00:24:05.460 than that would be brought on um worse but that's just that's just the nature of the game

00:24:09.760 man sometimes people bring you on like shit because they just they don't know better they

00:24:14.560 don't they're not thinking about it they don't care that or you know sometimes it's more like

00:24:20.080 they don't respect you um there's lots of reasons for that but generally at mothership I get brought up

00:24:28.140 amazingly um and all the shows in Austin Texas but the odd time this guy's Canadian you know Canada

00:24:34.640 it's kind of yeah for the maple syrup this guy's got maple syrup on his shoe like it's like what

00:24:40.980 why I mean I would get it if I was just a random Canadian comic with you know 10,000 followers it's

00:24:48.180 you know doing a spot on the crew show and I'm a fucking nobody but I guess I'm still a nobody because

00:24:55.500 nobody listens to the podcast yet but that's what we're changing folks that's what we're changing that's

00:24:59.520 why I've gone insane I've gone insane for your benefit for your entertainment um and uh

00:25:05.640 just give you something to really listen to you know in the car ride in the in the whatever um

00:25:13.340 because this is this is what I want the podcast to be I mean I want to hang out I want to have

00:25:18.800 other comics here and talk to them too we have Kurt Metzger I wasn't sure whether to make this episode

00:25:25.200 the main episode which kind of makes more sense because it's about me and the shows that just

00:25:31.540 happened and how I'm feeling about everything and um a Kurt Metzger episode is basically just Kurt

00:25:38.860 Metzger ranting at me about why everything is bad so and which is funny and and very entertaining

00:25:47.300 it's a very long episode and I'm probably so this week what I'm going to do is put this episode out

00:25:50.980 as the free episode and then the Kurt Metzger episode is going to be also like half of it will

00:25:59.640 be free I think it's like two hours or two and a half so I think I'll do like an hour free and an

00:26:04.780 hour on patreon hopefully he's not like oh I want to get paid I mean I'm making 500 bucks on patreon a

00:26:10.400 month you guys really need to fucking help me out there um and because uh you know I'm competing like

00:26:17.060 I so what we did after the New Jersey show my new genius scheme and if you're coming to one of my

00:26:22.880 shows you're going to see this and hopefully you sign up but you know I don't really bring merch on

00:26:28.060 tour yet because I just think it's insane to like wheel around a bag of fucking t-shirts and and then

00:26:33.960 you sell four and and you know and then you just have t-shirts forever I've done that um so I was

00:26:42.600 trying to get my openers to get people to sign up I think we're gonna give people something when

00:26:47.580 they sign up at the Toronto show maybe a poster or I don't know you guys tell me in the comments

00:26:52.420 what would you like to get for free um to sign up I mean nothing more than a fucking poster really

00:26:57.480 that's I already said what it is that's what it's gonna be I'm not giving anything else but uh so you

00:27:02.340 get a poster you'll sign up for patreon on the spot so we know that you're fucking doing it because

00:27:08.060 a lot of people like oh yeah I'll sign up and then they never do and I get it I get it I fucking

00:27:12.200 get it it's fucking this is my hustle this is not your hustle this is not you don't have to feel

00:27:16.680 bad you don't have to do it but this is my hustle that I'm trying to do uh write comedy and most

00:27:25.940 people just don't get it like most regular like there was one guy in line and I'm like you sign

00:27:31.140 up for patreon blah blah like he'd already been told by my openers before he got to the like he was

00:27:35.920 in line to meet me as meet and greet and then I'm like sign up he's like you know you'll be fine

00:27:41.620 like you'll be fine without me signing it's like dude that what are you talking about like you don't

00:27:46.220 know anything you don't know anything I won't be fine if you don't sign up I have two kids and those

00:27:53.500 are just my openers okay I'm not even talking about my fucking children I have openers I have uh stupid

00:27:59.580 pieces of art that my wife wants to throw out to pay for I have shitty dogs that are probably gonna

00:28:04.960 have to go to a vet for for bladder problems or whatever the fuck and then I'm gonna even if I put them

00:28:11.060 down that's like two grand um unless you do it unless you do it in Texas in the backyard and get

00:28:16.800 out the fucking 22 but yeah it's I mean and I'm not trying to be like you guys need to pay for my but

00:28:25.000 it's like bro like I'm trying to get like I'm trying to do comedy and it's a big expense like you know it's

00:28:35.600 like okay so say you get paid five grand to do a show say you get paid five grand to do a show

00:28:40.780 flight to to and from plus hotel that's already like half unless unless like it's like a court

00:28:48.680 minimum a quarter of what you're fucking making minimum is gone the second and that plus taxes

00:28:54.800 plus all the food that you got to order when you're there or the airport or here and then you know that's

00:29:01.540 assuming that my openers which they pay their way and then I pay them to be there right now because

00:29:05.900 I can't even fucking fully pay them because it just doesn't make sense for me you know unless it's

00:29:11.800 like a big tour and I pay for you know like a couple guys like I had a guy come to Florida I paid for his

00:29:19.740 flight because I needed him to drive the car that I was also paying to rent through Florida so I was

00:29:26.140 paying for his flight because I was using him as free slave labor free open mic slave labor to drive

00:29:35.300 me around okay that's I mean this is what it is this is the name of the game so I'm not never paying

00:29:42.560 for people to do so but I'm saying that if I had the Patreon you know if I'm making extra 5k a month on

00:29:48.260 Patreon it's not so much of a big deal to be like yeah come down to this show Armin comes down I mean

00:29:54.360 Armin I had to pay for him to get a fucking visa which was like three and a half k under my visa

00:29:59.060 which is a nice thing to do but give him some fucking experience and resume that he's performed

00:30:04.620 in the states legally with a headliner comic actually excuse me with a Canadian just a Canadian that's all

00:30:12.500 he is so these are good things that you're you're helping the I mean fucking other comics are making

00:30:21.440 two hundred thousand dollars a month like if I'm making that yeah we're having a good time and that's

00:30:27.560 what we're going to be doing but it's crazy when people are like yo like I can't you know I like I even

00:30:34.460 had a guy on Facebook I like the free shit I like when you post stuff but like I would never in a million

00:30:40.200 I would even buy a ticket to your show as long as it was under $40 but I would never spend and he was like

00:30:46.740 people are getting rich off that it's like yeah people are getting rich off this because this is

00:30:50.600 what fucking people watch I don't watch Netflix how much people are getting rich off Netflix I mean

00:30:57.360 comics but not I'm not even talking about that I'm talking about like actors like Black Mirror Black

00:31:02.620 Mirror now is like oh are you a washed up actor and you're at the end of your career well do an episode

00:31:08.360 of Black Mirror do you have a shitty fake British accent perfect were you in were you in the you know

00:31:13.980 forgetting Sarah Marshall 12 years ago oh perfect then you can be in this shitty half horror half not

00:31:20.800 funny episode of Black Mirror that sucks and is like kind of cool but like at the end of it you go

00:31:28.940 wow that's really sad that that guy's career is just one episode of Black Mirror now those guys are

00:31:35.720 making money but nobody's complaining about that but god forbid you sign up for a comedian's patreon and

00:31:41.680 help support their fucking you know career and dreams but my point is that like these fucking

00:31:47.240 people who who say this to me like it's like what reaction do you really think like like you go up to

00:31:57.040 somebody you go oh I'm not I would never pay for your fucking comp like I'd never pay what do you

00:32:03.280 think yeah that hurts and it's also like well then fuck you like don't even come to the show like in a

00:32:08.420 way like I don't need everybody to pay for patreon but you know what I mean like it's super simple

00:32:13.060 it's fine you know how many fucking subscriptions I have I have a subscription for I just found out

00:32:17.360 today for Apple News and like magazines I didn't even realize I had that but I can read you know when

00:32:22.600 you scroll to the left and you click the fucking article and then it goes oh you can't read it because

00:32:26.240 you don't give me five dollars a month I do so I can read articles about Tom Green complaining that

00:32:37.800 Canada is going to get taken over by the U.S. or whatever article that's not interesting to me or

00:32:44.400 I mean it's interesting because it's Tom Green I mean good article well it's a funny article because

00:32:50.380 if you read the article he literally says in it that he's like doesn't like being political

00:32:56.420 and thinks that comics who get too political aren't funny anymore and then he goes on to say that he

00:33:02.240 asks people at his show to seriously think about speaking out against what America is doing it's

00:33:08.140 like okay well I don't know how you could do both and I love Tom Green and I've had dinner with him

00:33:11.720 he's a great guy but what the fuck bro I mean well he he didn't want to put me on his podcast because

00:33:17.220 I'm political or was political I'm getting less political now I just talk about dogs shitting on

00:33:21.680 the floor and freaking out which I like better to be honest because there's I'm not going to get

00:33:26.620 hunted down for these opinions well maybe but but my point is that you're paying fucking five dollars

00:33:36.440 a month or ten dollars a month here and there for all kinds of fucking shitty things that you don't

00:33:43.640 even know what you're paying for subscriptions to fuck it I don't even know what you like

00:33:47.600 Starbucks app subscribe whatever you're paying for you can afford my patreon it's five bucks a month

00:33:55.420 but then oh yeah then it's seven dollars because fucking apple has to take a cut and and then and I

00:34:02.520 used to be with a management company I'm not with them anymore they were trying to get me oh you know

00:34:07.740 what you don't even need patreon we're gonna get rid of your patreon and then we're gonna pay

00:34:13.100 five or ten grand to create your own version of patreon like what are you talking about what the

00:34:20.960 fuck are just get people to fucking sign up and forget about I don't even care if you watch the

00:34:26.100 content I'll be honest with you I'm in yeah I do I want you to because I don't want to make extra

00:34:31.060 bonus content for nobody but I really don't care if you watch it if you're giving me fucking five bucks

00:34:36.360 a month that I get four dollars and ten cents a month from you know after the fees and after this

00:34:43.280 and fuck it's just how it is man it's not easy out here and I'm competing with a lot of people now

00:34:51.600 so when I was started blowing up it was you know there was people who were way ahead of me and then

00:34:57.920 there was people that were kind of below and then I was you know when I you're at 100k now there's so

00:35:03.580 many people killing it at comedy which is great it's I think maybe or the bubble's gonna burst at

00:35:09.920 any moment which is more likely but a lot of the people who are killing it I mean there's a lot of

00:35:14.660 women now which is that's tough to compete against okay because when you sign up for the they don't

00:35:20.140 even have patreon they just have only fans they're like you think my joke was funny wait till you see

00:35:24.740 my asshole that's I'm jealous I'm jealous that they have that I mean I'm not gonna show my I mean

00:35:33.080 I could I could show my fucking hairy taint and and would people pay for that they probably pay for

00:35:41.520 it just to screenshot it and be like this is Ben Banker's taint this is hilarious but female comics

00:35:47.340 are already for the most part like I mean if they're doing well they're usually kind of attractive I'm so I

00:35:52.660 mean there's there are you know there are the the ogres who are better you know there's some some

00:35:57.720 headlines some headlines but the majority of the younger new wave of you know you see these videos

00:36:05.180 coming up I don't know all my video my algorithm used to be Hitler speeches and uh you know fucking

00:36:11.760 Indians white you know street food and making just just Indians looking gross basically um

00:36:22.300 but now I've cleaned up my act so now my algorithm is uh pimple popping and female comedians and I feel

00:36:30.800 better about that I feel better that it's pimple popping and female comedians because it's you know

00:36:37.160 there's nothing I have no shame in that but my point is that these female comics they're nice to look at

00:36:43.100 right like it's easier to watch a stand-up clip of a woman than a man even if the woman is bombing it's

00:36:49.440 like well she's oh she's bombing but I want to I want to see this and then you look and she's you

00:36:54.300 know she's 200,000 volt you're like okay so my point is that that's why you have to sign up for

00:36:59.680 patreon because I don't know maybe that's what's I don't know if people people are coming to see me

00:37:06.720 the shows are selling out especially in Canada and we're touring all over the place we're going to

00:37:11.940 keep blowing up and I'm joking about a lot of this stuff and I do like female comics by the way I think

00:37:16.100 they're funny but I'm jealous that they have an advantage of you if you're funny and easy to look

00:37:24.780 at that's I mean I'm trying to lose weight so that I'm like I mean I'm not gonna grow tits and get a

00:37:30.080 vagina and if I did then I'd probably be harder to look at just as me but if my point is that yeah it's

00:37:38.100 I'm there's a lot of competition out there there's a lot of people trying to do this the the secrets out

00:37:44.160 of the bag people know how to get followers now it's not like three four years ago where people

00:37:50.400 how did you do that how did you get so many followers they've realized oh if you just post

00:37:57.780 a stand-up clip every day you know once a month you're gonna get a video that goes gets between

00:38:03.120 a hundred thousand and a million views and like if even if you're just half decent at comedy

00:38:09.420 and that's going to propel you towards having a following people are going to follow you

00:38:15.000 if you post all the time you're going to be on people's algorithms and you're going to get some

00:38:20.240 notoriety and you're going to get um the ability to sell tickets that's what we're all trying to do

00:38:27.720 here right I mean at the end of the day I mean like yeah I have a voice I want I want people to hear

00:38:35.100 my voice I want them to understand my POV my point of view on the world and I want people to

00:38:42.680 really just be in touch with who Ben Bankus is as an artist I don't know I mean I don't buy the

00:38:51.700 fucking ticket and pay for the patreon so I can continue doing this absolutely hilarious career

00:38:58.360 instead of doing commercial real estate or some other horrible thing that I would have to sell

00:39:03.840 like when I sold photocopiers or when I sold office leasing services I don't want to do that

00:39:12.320 necessarily anymore so um continue to support the show and send it to your friends I mean this this

00:39:19.280 there's always going to be a free there's always going to be a freebie and uh there's always going

00:39:24.760 to be a bonus and um I want you guys to to enjoy I want you to enjoy them though like I'm talking shit

00:39:31.540 about like I don't honestly the if you enjoy my comedy you are automatically going to buy a ticket

00:39:38.260 you are automatically going to join patreon you're going to subscribe you're going to share my stuff

00:39:45.640 so it's not I'm joking about that but like the point is that I want you to actually enjoy what I'm

00:39:50.800 doing and that's why I'm trying to do it better because it's not great you don't want to watch me

00:39:56.420 just do garbage shit last week the fucking interview with my friend which I thought was

00:40:02.840 a good interview we just hung out but it got like 600 views on fucking youtube I'm like bro

00:40:07.280 what the fuck is this seriously what the fuck you know embarrassing it is to sell out a theater

00:40:14.080 almost 65 tickets left oh good friday oh thank you thanks you know embarrassing it is to sell

00:40:21.280 1200 seats two night two shows in toronto we're doing after parties uh there's an after party at

00:40:29.300 petty cash two shows sold out at a 400 seater in peterboro then flying back to austin then to

00:40:37.300 detroit which that makes literally zero sense I don't know why that was planned like that yeah yeah my tour

00:40:43.280 is toronto austin detroit even though detroit and toronto is a four hour drive but and it's a 45

00:40:55.760 minute flight and austin's a four hour flight um and then I have to go there and back see that's why

00:41:02.260 that's like oh why do you want people on patreon you don't make enough money from your fucking shows

00:41:05.800 no I don't I fucking don't do you know how much money you have to make just to have

00:41:11.340 a normal life now like it's like it's disgusting um and I'm not begging I mean I am but I'm not I

00:41:19.420 don't give a fuck if you don't sign up fucking I don't who cares I'll just let my dogs piss here

00:41:24.060 forever I mean I'd like to get you know once I'm at making proper money on patreon I'm going to rent

00:41:30.480 a studio where I can go with my friends and we can fucking do whatever we want and there's no dogs

00:41:36.500 there's no pissing there's no crying babies there's no bullshit there's no what painting is that

00:41:42.620 that won't look good there put this one over here so this is what I'm working towards and it's up to

00:41:47.620 you guys and I really appreciate and I know I'm going to get there because I fucking got there with

00:41:51.040 stand-up and podcasting is its own thing and I know that and I I didn't respect that for a long time

00:41:58.660 and if you go back and watch my earlier episodes of this podcast I am literally clinically insane for

00:42:05.100 either half of them or I'm just boring and making no sense and that's because I was kind of retarded

00:42:12.000 right like I I just didn't I just didn't understand what the fuck it was and I've been trying to learn

00:42:19.560 how to do this because this is a different thing I can go up on stage and be funny this is a different

00:42:25.740 thing and they do compliment each other and the better you are at podcasting I think the better you're

00:42:30.320 gonna be at stand-up and the people you know that I fucking I can't stand any anybody who I can't send

00:42:36.000 anybody who critiques anything really anymore like I've just gotten to the point like anybody who

00:42:40.440 critiques anything is a fucking loser but people say about certain comics well he's funny in podcasts

00:42:46.360 but he's on on stage it's not as funny and it's like so who the fuck what are you talking about and

00:42:52.060 then there's comics that are quote-unquote hilarious on stage you know it's like laughs per minute

00:42:57.020 you know like it's 1987 and they're like boom boom boom boom laugh laugh and then people leave

00:43:05.780 and go I don't even they don't even think twice to follow that person on Instagram why because it

00:43:09.620 wasn't interesting at all you can laugh and be like you have no connection with the person

00:43:14.240 so it's a whole other fucking thing it's a whole different thing and I'm very excited

00:43:21.700 I'm very excited for my show in Toronto coming up two shows both of them sold out at Danforth Music

00:43:30.660 Hall a little bit worried because the Toronto Maple Leafs are now in the playoffs I'm hoping they lose or

00:43:40.600 they get past the first round very quickly so it does not interfere with my May 2nd show

00:43:51.460 in Toronto at Danforth Music Hall can you imagine I sold out what is it 12 or 1300 seats two shows

00:43:59.640 so it's like 2600 seats in one night and what and then it's just a Leafs like game seven and then

00:44:06.880 just nobody's gonna show up sorry Ben I mean I bought tickets but I rather just go to a fucking bar

00:44:13.100 and fucking watch the Leafs game like I'm fucking losing if you do that I fucking I swear to god

00:44:17.880 I hate you I hate your guts if you fucking do that and you don't come to my show and you bought

00:44:24.440 tickets for it and people have been begging for tickets for that shit forever why is it sold out

00:44:29.020 we added another show in November at a bigger theater which I don't even know if any of this

00:44:37.840 makes sense like the way we're you know we should just added a third show maybe but well then but now

00:44:43.480 we're in a bigger theater six months later so that's cool but people really wanted tickets to

00:44:49.200 this and now it's fucking potentially going to be game seven of an NHL playoff of the Toronto Maple Leafs

00:44:53.600 I will be so pissed I've performed comedy before after a game seven loss and it is not fun

00:45:01.720 it's I mean there's a couple funny moments but it's mostly just sad

00:45:06.880 playoffs is when people really attach themselves to these teams like me wearing this hat when I do

00:45:15.120 not and have not watched a single Toronto Maple Leaf episode or episode you watch episode 43 of the

00:45:22.140 Toronto Maple Leafs so many podcasts I watch

00:45:25.920 I have not watched a single Leaf game the entire year but I buy this hat in case they make the

00:45:35.540 playoffs and now I have this massive show at Danforth Music Hall on May 2nd both shows sold

00:45:41.940 out and I'm worried it's going to be game seven that night and then half the crowd's not going to

00:45:45.780 show up or the early show half the crowd's not going to show up and they're going to lose and then

00:45:53.760 those people are going to feel bad and be pissed off that they should have just came to my show

00:45:57.500 because the Leafs fucking lost because they suck and even though they're good this year what oh

00:46:01.420 they're in the playoffs they've been in the playoffs and ruined shit before and then the second show is

00:46:08.200 going to be packed and everybody's just going to be depressed so I'm scared so the Leafs either better

00:46:14.820 lose quickly or win quickly because I don't want to deal with this shit I really don't and it is sad

00:46:22.200 it is sad for me that

00:46:23.720 I've lived in Toronto my entire

00:46:27.900 life this is the first

00:46:30.340 year

00:46:31.480 this is basically the one year anniversary of me living in Austin Texas

00:46:37.820 and now they're going to win the Stanley Cup

00:46:39.860 like are you fucking kidding me

00:46:41.880 fuck you guys like

00:46:44.000 I mean I'll wear the hat and I'll

00:46:46.060 brag to everybody I see that

00:46:48.280 we want but for fuck's

00:46:50.560 sake you couldn't have done this like three years ago

00:46:53.060 I mean I was lucky to be there for the Raptors win

00:46:56.660 but

00:46:57.660 my goodness I am worried about it

00:47:01.340 you guys have been fun this is a bit it's it's fun to do a solo podcast

00:47:08.040 it really is I've been doing the

00:47:10.880 the two people pods the conversation pods which are fun I've been you know and before that when

00:47:18.560 I was doing if you go three bad the Eid Mumbaric episode where it's just me right up close with

00:47:23.580 the camera going through news articles talking about shit getting rattled at stuff I wanted to step

00:47:30.060 away from that I'm not saying I'm never going to do that shit again but it just felt a little more

00:47:34.060 like am I a comedian am I a podcaster which is what I want to be or am I a fucking like streamer

00:47:41.280 you know or am you know am I like there's there's a dime a dozen there's a million and I'm not saying

00:47:46.580 they're bad well I mean dime a dozen is kind of saying like they're worthless but I'm not saying

00:47:52.520 that I'm saying that there are a lot of people you can go and listen to that just do that and talk

00:48:00.740 about all the articles and go through it and I know people like but it's you I want to see you do

00:48:04.900 it I want you to just listen to me talk be honest with you um forget what I was gonna say about the

00:48:11.740 fucking shit I had something good right there the streamers the thing um yeah I just don't wanna

00:48:21.340 it's nice to like this is it's nice to just not have information and just fuck I really forget what

00:48:30.240 I was gonna say that's that's an issue but um it's nice to just be free and talk about whatever I

00:48:38.960 want and not like oh what's next in the news oh this oh Candace oh you know I made that one comment

00:48:47.680 about Candace Owens in a similar podcast to this where I just ranted and it was funny where I just

00:48:52.280 said that she let down a lot of Jewish old men who like had the hots for her and thought she was the

00:48:57.940 best the best black woman in the world and then she went anti-israel and people were like so what

00:49:04.280 because you Jews don't like you don't like the truth it's like well I mean that was I was just

00:49:10.060 making a joke I don't know yeah yeah so I don't even want to talk about that shit anymore like I don't

00:49:15.460 even like it's like every day oh the Israel blew up with the the medic medics well they were I don't

00:49:24.160 care do I have to fucking defend that I don't want to I don't want to defend the murder of medics um

00:49:32.800 and I think a lot of quote-unquote Jews like I've never I'm not fucking bar mitzvah I'm not I've never

00:49:39.980 been to Israel I've never done any of this shit I think it's all stupid I think the guys with the

00:49:44.980 hats on look stupid I think the curls are stupid I think that you know Rich Voss wearing that massive

00:49:50.360 juice chain on Joe Rogan and saying he's not religious was fucking stupid sorry I love Rich

00:49:55.480 Voss but that was stupid there's I'm not on board with nine like I thought I was as a kid like I've

00:50:03.000 grown up and I think a lot of Jews who are my age and younger there are the ones who are just like

00:50:09.580 you know but I think a lot of them have gone oh fuck this is they're the the Israel Israel as a

00:50:15.900 country is fucking over the Jewish life lives of like dudes who are like me who are like yeah my

00:50:22.480 dad's Jewish but like I never fucking did I went to the one time my dad took me to a synagogue the

00:50:29.380 synagogue was closed because I think it got firebombed or something which people are acting like that's like

00:50:34.640 a new thing they're like can you believe the anti-semitism that's going on with the firebombing

00:50:39.500 of synagogues in Montreal and Toronto it's like that's been they've been doing that fucking every

00:50:43.820 year forever anti-semitism is always the number one um like fucking hate crime pretty much and

00:50:51.100 tell me if I'm I know that I'm right pull it see oh you don't you didn't have the stats so you can't

00:50:56.700 get fat I don't care um my point is the one time my dad took me to a synagogue it wasn't at a synagogue

00:51:04.720 because the synagogue had been firebombed I was like this is like 20 years ago I was like eight

00:51:10.160 years old he had to take me to a church where they that doubled as that they like Jews rented a church

00:51:17.700 for a night and to do Jew stuff like to just like let's make this a synagogue and then there'll be

00:51:23.260 fucking anti-semitic people be like see this is why I fucking hate him they fucking rented a

00:51:26.620 church they fucking synagogue of satan in the church and I mean part of me is like well yeah

00:51:31.800 if you're super religious but obviously it was like some church where they like gay people fucking

00:51:35.160 in and like gay people but you know one of those open choices uh the ones that want to make money

00:51:41.540 um I mean they all want to make money but my point is I don't give a fuck and I'm I do feel I don't feel

00:51:49.080 bad but I think I did alienate some like I had like muslim fan more muslim fans who were just like bro

00:51:54.820 like what and I you know I don't want to say like oh Israel shouldn't exist I don't know if it should

00:52:01.900 it shouldn't exist anymore I before I was like well why all the countries they're next up they're going

00:52:06.140 to try to take Canada away and try to and it's like well I honestly I don't even care if they do

00:52:10.520 that anymore as long as they don't take Texas away I'm gonna stay in Texas okay the Jews in Israel who

00:52:18.560 are like they really want to live there okay fine I've looked at real estate videos in Israel it's

00:52:24.420 interesting but like otherwise I don't care anymore and um you know I just don't want to be I don't

00:52:32.580 want my days to include like what like you know how a lot of you guys even and you need to be told

00:52:39.640 this if you're listening to this you're watching protests on your phone and you're getting mad and

00:52:45.660 you're going how could they fucking do they're fucking doing that again and they all they do is

00:52:50.040 fucking protest and then who cares did you see them in person and even if you did see them in person I

00:52:56.960 get it like I don't like the Palestinian protest like I want to do a joke where I basically I don't

00:53:01.800 even want to tell you a joke but it's you know you know change your mind on Israel and then you see

00:53:11.440 the protesters you're like yeah fuck it blow them up that kind of thing but but like I'm still

00:53:16.040 willing to make those jokes I don't give a fuck I'm not like woke to it but it's like bro yeah

00:53:19.860 they're protesting because they're out of their mind they're retards and but also the shit's going

00:53:23.780 on and blah blah it's it's too much I don't think we need all and I'm talking about we as in the

00:53:30.040 privileged people who live in these countries and we are I mean we have some privilege right like you

00:53:35.880 walk into and people like no I don't fucking have any privilege anymore buddy I fucking go into

00:53:40.240 Tim Hurtons there's too many fucking Indians in there and yeah but like

00:53:44.760 fuck what do you want what do you want Indians do you want fucking Muslims Jews you gotta have

00:53:52.620 somebody because you had one kid or two you know what I mean white people aren't having six kids

00:53:58.400 and like I see why I have two kids and I'm like this is insane having six I mean it's only not insane

00:54:06.540 and the reason that a lot of other cultures non-white cultures have so many kids are able

00:54:12.400 to have so many kids and why they're growing is because they don't have to be there for their kids

00:54:20.200 they can just do 16 hour nights of uber and their wife works at a fucking taco stand or a fucking dunkin

00:54:30.700 donuts and for 19 hours a day and the kids just take care of themselves from like two like two years

00:54:39.300 old Mexicans or whatever Indians or whatever minority that's expanding rapidly in the west

00:54:44.560 they're just raising themselves white people can't do that they're like we need to be around

00:54:51.560 you know they're they're watching tiktoks on how to raise their kids and they're doing this and

00:54:57.980 they're you know we need to be maybe we should homeschool well you can't homeschool eight kids

00:55:02.420 I mean you could I guess but it's yeah they're of course of course the Indians are gonna have more

00:55:11.500 kids because they don't give a shit about their kids as much and people argue that that's not true

00:55:18.440 they I mean Indians kind of a bad example in America Indians are very smart and super successful

00:55:24.640 in Canada they're like you know they're like the slave class they're kind of like what

00:55:28.780 Guatemalans and shit are in America so and they don't give a fuck the Guatemalan and the you know

00:55:37.000 the deep South Americans Central Americans the Mexican immigrants a lot of the illegal immigrants

00:55:42.360 their kids are fucking working at the taco stand too that's why they can have so many kids because

00:55:46.900 they're working the kids are fucking working you know meanwhile our kids are like how many

00:55:52.600 that's your sixth chocolate I don't know maybe you should start thinking about betty buys like it's

00:55:58.660 you know it's different so I can't stay silent about changing view I don't think anybody I think

00:56:07.040 one of the most dangerous things anybody can do is be stuck in whatever views they have that they

00:56:14.880 think or should be the right view and well I liked Israel from then so I have to like it now or

00:56:22.140 which you know maybe I'll maybe it'll go get better maybe the thing but I'm just that's one

00:56:27.660 example or you know I I was staunchly conservative during COVID and then they like I'm not I I'm still

00:56:38.720 like for the Canadian thing I think that I'm conservative I want the conservatives to win just

00:56:44.980 because the liberals have been in power for so long the same reason like not a lot of people know this

00:56:50.260 I did and I'm not afraid to fucking admit this I voted for Trudeau the first time the first time

00:56:57.460 before any we didn't know any like when I voted for Trudeau it was like 20 I was like 22 years old

00:57:03.700 and I had no idea any of this was even possible like getting a country getting this bad all I voted

00:57:11.520 for was Trudeau said I will federally legalize marijuana and like there will be fucking high-end weed

00:57:19.820 stores everywhere how how can you fucking say no to that as a 22 year old do I think it was a mistake

00:57:24.680 maybe yeah obviously but not really because that is kind of like it would have sucked if COVID happened

00:57:31.280 and we didn't have that if we didn't have the you know if you're from Canada Tokyo smoke or value buds

00:57:37.220 or whatever your fucking story of fire and flower whatever the fuck there's all these chains of weed

00:57:45.180 stores that are really good and it's like yeah that was kind of sick like sorry what the fuck like

00:57:52.640 Stephen Harper with his Lego head hair wanted to be like nobody should ever smoke marijuana that should

00:57:58.420 be it was before he wanted to make it as illegal as it is and you know in in American states where it's

00:58:05.840 illegal so that's why so many people tons of people voted for him for that reason okay and like people

00:58:13.740 want to well I fuck you know it's the same thing oh I'm not gonna fucking listen to your comedy

00:58:18.440 anymore because I found out you fucking yeah but so did you well I know but I'm lying to myself and

00:58:24.300 pretending that I didn't well you fucking did you fucking did it was it was pretty bad COVID was bad

00:58:32.040 before COVID things weren't that bad I mean it was getting woke there was some woke bullshit right

00:58:37.100 before COVID in Canada there was you know natives dancing on this fucking train tracks and the trains were

00:58:42.840 all shut down and they were losing a billion dollars a day that didn't really affect anybody

00:58:46.700 but the way they handled the COVID thing and the way they fucking shut down everybody's businesses

00:58:51.760 it did fuck things up and it was fucked up and I don't even know if a conservative government would

00:58:57.280 have done anything different really in that fucking era I mean I hope Doug Ford was I mean I don't want

00:59:04.420 to talk so super local politics but in Canada Doug Ford's like the you know for American fans

00:59:09.540 we have premiers you guys have governors so he's a premier he's the brother of former mayor Rob Ford

00:59:17.440 the guy who smoked crack and shit um Toronto always has funny mayors I mean Rob Ford Olivia Chow whatever

00:59:25.120 but so Doug Ford he's conservative and he the whole time was pro like he was locking people down and

00:59:34.160 he had that company deco labels that was making money like he had a comp Doug Ford in Canada the

00:59:42.540 premier of Ontario had it was not it's not evil through his family they own a company that does

00:59:48.700 business in the US by the way and he would have 100% voted for Trump and he's already been caught

00:59:53.000 on a hot mic saying that he respects everything that Trump's doing and then went on to do the speech

00:59:57.220 saying that he he's gonna be tough on Trump he's full of shit he's full of fucking shit and I've even

01:00:02.360 heard I've heard shit that he fucking has mistresses and he has all kinds of he's just out of his

01:00:06.740 fucking mind and so he has this company through his family called deco labels that was making the

01:00:15.520 labels to go into the drugstores in Canada they have shoppers drug martin instead of CBS or Walgreens

01:00:22.340 they have shoppers drug martin Rexall and on the floor they had those stickers remember the stickers

01:00:26.660 that said stay six feet apart don't blah blah blah yada yada he made those fucking

01:00:32.340 that he was he made he went from being worth like two million dollars to being worth like 40 million

01:00:38.360 dollars at the end of COVID so I don't even trust that a conservative leader would have done anything

01:00:45.260 different I think they're all fucked up especially in Canada and you know and the people the elbows up

01:00:52.460 people I mean it's the same thing where it's like you can have a view where you're like the people

01:00:57.920 like you know Israel there's something they're doing a couple things a little aggressively you

01:01:04.820 can have that view and then also see the Palestine protesters and be like but when I see them I go

01:01:10.080 yeah that's I mean I understand the genocide now and that's funny that's me making a joke I'm joking

01:01:16.220 but I'm not but I am you know what I mean but that's the same thing with like you know well maybe

01:01:23.520 Mark Carney I don't know it's I don't think he's gonna be I think he's an idiot really like in some

01:01:30.280 like he's obviously a smart guy who has well studied and blah blah blah I think Pierre Polyev

01:01:35.680 cares more about Canada I've met him I don't know I don't know they're all full of shit right at the

01:01:41.520 end of the day I'm gonna vote for Pierre if I can vote I've been living in America so I don't even

01:01:46.720 know what the fucking rules are on that but I would vote for Pierre but Carney is you know not

01:01:55.600 he's not as as bad as Trudeau I think but he's probably worse actually he's probably worse but my

01:02:02.000 point is that you could think that he's not that bad but then see the people lining up to vote for him

01:02:10.000 being like elbows up and be like well yeah that's that's bad that person the people voting for this

01:02:17.480 guy are retarded so maybe he's retarded too so I don't know man it's a very things like when people

01:02:23.680 if you I don't know how long you guys have been following me hopefully this is your first fucking

01:02:26.580 podcast you ever watch and you're gonna watch every episode ever after or this is your millionth

01:02:30.640 podcast or whatever you some people used to watch my old podcast which I deleted all the episodes of

01:02:35.660 um that I did during COVID and all this stuff and you have to be able to adapt because now it's not

01:02:44.540 2020 to 2023 it was like one everything's one trick pony everything's the the right is right and the left

01:02:53.900 is wrong and now it's or depending on if you're on the other side the right is wrong and the left is

01:02:59.800 right or whatever it is but now it's so convoluted you have to be able to be smart enough to realize that

01:03:04.720 almost nobody's right almost nobody is right certain things are right certain things you know

01:03:13.700 I think that Trump what he you know most of what he's doing isn't as bad as what the left says

01:03:19.920 but but at the same time I think that it's not as good as the right says you know what I mean like

01:03:26.420 you have to be able to have your own opinion and that's super hard right now because you get so much

01:03:33.520 more like I put I tweeted a thing about Olivia Chow everybody was sending me this picture of

01:03:38.520 Olivia Chow in a room with Muslims um the the Muslim like a mom's at a mosque had their shoes off with

01:03:49.140 their feet out and she's in a fucking hijab slash burka or something and then there's also cops in the

01:03:57.120 room it's just like a really funny picture of the current state of Toronto and it's hilarious

01:04:04.300 and I tweeted I I thought about it for a while because I didn't want to just jump the gun and

01:04:10.220 do something and just and yeah maybe if I jumped the gun it might have gotten more views or it might

01:04:14.420 have gotten more likes or it might have been you know whatever perceived in a certain way and

01:04:20.360 like I I wrote after a few days ago you know $40 back rub $60 $40 feet $60 full body no happy ending

01:04:33.220 and it's funny because there's Muslims she's wearing a jab and there's a cop and but I could have been

01:04:40.580 like this is the current state of Toronto how disgusting like are some like not funny statement

01:04:46.460 and it probably would have got more likes it probably would have blown up comedian Ben Banker

01:04:51.660 says that this is and it's like but what the fuck am I doing what the fuck I don't I don't know if I

01:04:57.040 want to be um you know like a Dave Smith and I love Dave Smith as a comedian and you know I respect him

01:05:05.560 respect the legion of skanks grew up watching it respect uh the new shows that they're doing and that

01:05:12.200 he's he's making his money doing whatever he's doing and you know that he's willing to go up again

01:05:17.540 I'd be fucking terrified to fucking have an opposite view of Douglas Murray just if you fucking have you

01:05:22.940 been there or whatever it's it's scary but my point is that I don't know if I want to just be like

01:05:31.900 I'm the smartest guy in the world and I fucking know every goddamn thing and I'm I'm not gonna sit

01:05:38.820 here and say that I'm a complete dummy I don't think I'm the smartest guy in the world though

01:05:42.200 that's this is not true I'm funny um I'm trying to be the funniest that I can be and I think that

01:05:50.500 getting too fucking like angry about things isn't funny I mean I mean it is about like dogs shitting

01:05:57.160 on the floor and maybe maybe I'm wrong but I'm still gonna get mad at things if they bug me

01:06:01.260 but I just want to be like I almost think it's smarter to do what I'm doing right now and be honest

01:06:09.840 about how I feel about things and that I'm trying to make people laugh then be like like it's stupid

01:06:16.740 to just be like there's too many of them in the country I mean like it's not funny and the people

01:06:22.080 are laughing at that are fucking retarded they're like the they're like the right-wing version of the

01:06:26.900 people with the elbow up thing you know like I'm not I I don't know if I could be like I see a fuck

01:06:33.080 Trudeau flag what you know during that time or you know I guess that here the fuck Biden and whatever

01:06:37.860 and you see that and like you know I'd go like haha like good I guess but I wasn't I I never had a

01:06:46.640 friend I used to do a joke about that like that I that the fuck Trudeau flag is the the right wing

01:06:53.620 like a guy with two fuck Trudeau flags on his truck is the right wing version of wearing two masks

01:07:01.060 it is a virtue signal on the other direction and I'm not saying it's wrong or you shouldn't do it or

01:07:06.220 whatever but it's just I'm not gonna be friends with that guy I might agree with him I might even

01:07:12.760 give him a little beep beep good shit man and then as soon as I pass me like that guy's fucking insane

01:07:18.540 for having four flags on his truck at the parking lot of Walmart why do you need to do that it doesn't

01:07:25.220 help really or maybe it does help but I don't want to be friends with you if that makes sense

01:07:30.860 I'm not gonna hang out with you because you're too intense and it's just not fun it's not I'm here to

01:07:38.100 have fun the whole point of comedy and podcasting and fucking you know joining my patreon and doing

01:07:46.440 these shows and getting bigger and doing these bigger and better shows the whole point of this

01:07:51.120 is to have fun guys I want you to come to my show and go he's having a good time I don't want you to

01:07:56.280 come to my show and go he looks stressed about immigration that's not what I want I want you to have a

01:08:02.280 good time thank you for listening to this episode I think it was it was a really good episode and

01:08:07.700 we're gonna keep doing episodes like this we're gonna keep doing interviews watch out for Kurt

01:08:12.400 Metzger coming out probably tomorrow on for free and on patreon so we're gonna do you know the free

01:08:19.680 version and the patreon version but I want to get this out to you guys this this honest pod this could

01:08:25.660 be a patreon but then what like seven people are gonna watch it right now like I have a hundred people

01:08:30.820 on patreon but so few that's what I said I don't care if you watch it it is funny like I haven't

01:08:36.860 the last one I did was with Ari my friend from from New York and we just shot the shit when he

01:08:43.760 was staying with me so please go check it out patreon.com slash ben bank is check out my tour

01:08:51.340 schedule ben bank is calm come to a show we do meet and greets we hang out I don't know if we're

01:08:57.480 gonna be able to do a meet and greet in Toronto to be honest but there is an after party at petty cash

01:09:03.680 I think it starts probably at midnight because that's probably the time that I'm gonna be able

01:09:08.640 to get there because the shows are at 6 and 9 15 or 9 something like that so 10 11 yeah by the time

01:09:16.560 we get out of there come to the after party if you're in Toronto support if you're in if you're

01:09:22.100 a Toronto OG fan you've bought tickets to so many come just join patreon just fucking do it I've already

01:09:27.640 fleeced you for like 200 bucks plus an Olivia Chow shirt most likely so just join okay it's seven bucks

01:09:35.920 pay for the whole year and if you do the top tier of patreon which is like 30 bucks a month us

01:09:41.660 we're doing a meeting like an online virtual meet and greet once a month on zoom we're gonna shoot the

01:09:48.180 shit we're gonna hang out we're gonna do whatever we'll have a couple drinks if that's what you want

01:09:52.300 to do I don't know maybe I'll never drink again or we'll drink or we'll get hammered or we'll fucking

01:09:56.400 do a heroin I don't know but anyway just come on patreon and thank you for listening really good night

Bankas Podcast - April 22, 2025

Leafs in 4 ｜ Bankas Podcast - #090

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