Bankas Podcast - March 25, 2023


Ottawa pt 1. Tales from the Econolodge (Free Sample) ｜ The Bankas Show - Patreon Bonus #015


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

203.37454

Word Count

2,254

Sentence Count

285

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

26


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Ronan and I went to a comedy show and it was a total disaster. It's a good thing we stayed in the Econo Lodge after the show because it was the only place we had a place to stay that wasn't too sketchy.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I'm jacking up, I didn't know this, that.
00:00:03.380 Anyway, we're kind of skipping some stuff.
00:00:06.320 We are, because the whole thing was traumatic.
00:00:09.240 So anyway, let's go back.
00:00:10.340 Let's keep going.
00:00:11.020 We're at the hotel.
00:00:12.240 We're in the Econo Lodge.
00:00:14.240 There's bruised and battered Filipinos.
00:00:16.380 There's Muslim families.
00:00:18.580 There's scary people.
00:00:21.260 We're smoking inside.
00:00:22.920 Ronan's mad.
00:00:23.680 We go to the show.
00:00:24.420 I give Ronan shit about the Econo Lodge.
00:00:26.320 I bring.
00:00:28.260 Oh, no, we left.
00:00:29.340 We literally went and checked into it.
00:00:30.860 I literally got a, we went on Hotwire and I fucking got a Sheridan.
00:00:34.760 And Mike Cardis.
00:00:35.860 And then Mike Cardis comes with us.
00:00:37.740 He fucked you too somehow.
00:00:38.980 He somehow screwed me over.
00:00:40.720 He made you spend $800 at a Sheridan.
00:00:42.540 Oh, yeah.
00:00:42.820 He's like, use Hotwire.
00:00:44.040 It's cheaper.
00:00:45.000 And then it ended up being in US dollars.
00:00:47.580 And it was like 200.
00:00:49.080 It was like 220.
00:00:51.880 So.
00:00:52.500 Yeah.
00:00:53.000 So we checked into a nice Sheridan.
00:00:55.060 No.
00:00:55.620 Yeah.
00:00:55.760 We checked into the Sheridan, which was a great hotel.
00:00:57.940 Oh, it was great.
00:00:59.780 It was great.
00:01:00.400 I would have stayed there the whole time.
00:01:02.060 And if we, if we were even had room, like, you know, it was one room for two people, but
00:01:06.040 there's like enough room that it wasn't fucked up.
00:01:08.260 Yeah.
00:01:08.700 It felt like a nice.
00:01:09.740 It was like a dorm room, like a big dorm room.
00:01:12.200 And then Cardis in the middle.
00:01:15.060 So anyway, so we go there.
00:01:16.800 We're at the Sheridan.
00:01:17.740 We're chilling.
00:01:18.180 We're drinking.
00:01:18.700 We go to the show.
00:01:19.620 We're ready to kill it.
00:01:20.940 It's packed.
00:01:21.780 I'm kind of excited, even though I know it's going to be shit because it's like all 90 year
00:01:25.340 olds.
00:01:25.940 And I'm giving Ronan shit because the fucking Econolodge sucked.
00:01:29.020 And I told him that I'm staying in a nice place.
00:01:31.160 And then anyway, we go on stage.
00:01:33.380 Oh, no.
00:01:33.840 He didn't want to start the show.
00:01:35.240 Yeah.
00:01:35.360 He wanted to wait 45 minutes.
00:01:36.920 They come up.
00:01:37.260 He comes up to me.
00:01:37.900 I'm like, why isn't the show starting?
00:01:39.160 It's eight o'clock.
00:01:39.700 The show's supposed to start at eight o'clock.
00:01:41.260 It was like eight, 10 or something.
00:01:44.080 And he's like, oh, we're going to wait 25 minutes until we find a spotlight because he
00:01:48.080 says we don't have a spotlight.
00:01:50.260 And I said, no, we're starting it now.
00:01:52.060 Luckily, I did that because they couldn't find a spotlight for like an hour.
00:01:54.740 And then they found it and then they brought it down and they turned it on and they couldn't
00:01:58.620 even fucking turn the lights in the building off.
00:02:00.540 It was just such a fucking disaster.
00:02:01.880 The whole thing was a disaster.
00:02:03.540 It was an unbelievable disaster.
00:02:04.920 And then the show, there was a million comedians on it.
00:02:08.260 And half of them were like, you know, unfortunately, you know, and they were disabled people in
00:02:13.460 the show.
00:02:13.880 And it was just it was just hectic.
00:02:15.880 And everybody did like so much time.
00:02:18.940 And it was like a two hour and 45 minute long show.
00:02:21.820 Really?
00:02:22.740 And people were just leaving in droves because they were too old to stay and all the lights
00:02:26.960 were on.
00:02:27.500 So it just made it feel like the show was over for the whole time.
00:02:30.380 And yeah, I shit on some girl because she my opening thing, I went up and got everybody
00:02:37.140 used to the fact that the lights were going to be on and the microphone was shit and you
00:02:40.560 had to stand in one area or else it would fucking like make a terrible noise.
00:02:45.380 And then I bring her on.
00:02:46.760 I don't know her name.
00:02:47.580 I go, what's your name?
00:02:48.420 She's screaming from the back or any or any.
00:02:51.180 And I go horny, borny or whatever the fuck.
00:02:55.140 And she comes on as super offended that I fucked up her name.
00:02:57.900 She's obviously some open mic or like nobody.
00:02:59.840 She's like, I performed comedy in Alaska.
00:03:02.100 It's like, OK, you didn't know.
00:03:03.720 Mike, what the fuck?
00:03:04.960 Shut the fuck up.
00:03:05.960 Performed comedy where no one lives.
00:03:07.900 So anyway, yeah.
00:03:08.940 So she goes up and she's like, COVID is bad.
00:03:11.840 I wish my aunt was here, but she's dead because of COVID.
00:03:14.460 COVID kills, unlike some comedians.
00:03:17.060 And that was her opener.
00:03:18.240 And then she bombed the whole time.
00:03:19.700 Yeah, she bombed.
00:03:20.240 And then I went on and then I pointed that out and I was an asshole about it.
00:03:23.100 And I was like that.
00:03:24.140 Remember when she said that I didn't kill and then she bombed?
00:03:27.280 And I just embarrassed her because she deserved that because she thought she could just go on and say that.
00:03:32.200 And I was going to be like, oh, I'm defeated.
00:03:34.500 You won.
00:03:35.260 I bombed and you killed.
00:03:37.140 But no, fuck you.
00:03:38.340 I'm not getting if I was getting paid twelve hundred dollars or fifteen hundred dollars or more.
00:03:42.260 Maybe I keep my mouth shut.
00:03:43.280 But for the price they were paying me, it's like, fuck you.
00:03:45.420 Yeah, fuck this bitch.
00:03:46.720 Made fun of her.
00:03:47.700 Made fun of somebody in the audience.
00:03:49.260 Then brought Ronan on.
00:03:51.460 He did OK.
00:03:53.100 Came back on.
00:03:54.620 I killed.
00:03:55.700 Brought a brought an arm and he killed.
00:03:58.260 And then after that, just the show went down.
00:04:00.360 And then it was just a long, long show.
00:04:04.140 And then, of course, you know, Mike Curtis calls us in the middle of the night after we're chilling at the hotel.
00:04:12.800 And it's just like, I need to come to your hotel.
00:04:15.780 There's cockroaches in the Econa Lodge.
00:04:17.700 I was like, yeah, I told you guys.
00:04:19.400 I can't believe you were willing to stay there at all.
00:04:21.860 You have no self-respect.
00:04:24.700 So then he had to come here.
00:04:26.340 Fucking Mike Curtis had to come all the way to fucking the goddamn Sheridan.
00:04:31.140 Keep us up all night.
00:04:32.640 And keep us up and just fucking be annoying.
00:04:35.040 Snore and make noise.
00:04:36.480 Snoring.
00:04:36.980 Ruffle a jacket.
00:04:38.460 Ugh.
00:04:39.780 It was terrible.
00:04:40.620 It was really just an awful experience.
00:04:42.940 Yeah.
00:04:44.060 And now we're in a comfort inn.
00:04:47.360 Yeah.
00:04:48.800 Which is worse.
00:04:50.200 Yeah.
00:04:51.680 We'll have to bleep that out.
00:04:53.560 Yeah.
00:04:53.840 But that was the story.
00:04:56.360 We've already told this story like 45 times today.
00:04:58.840 So it's too.
00:05:00.280 It's too traumatic at this point.
00:05:02.100 It was very traumatic.
00:05:02.940 I'll be honest with you guys.
00:05:03.860 It was traumatic.
00:05:04.660 It was a lot.
00:05:05.360 Then I wake up today to Ronan freaking out at my publicity.
00:05:09.760 The most Jewish argument I would see.
00:05:12.360 You called my publicity behind my back.
00:05:14.220 You complained.
00:05:15.120 And then I'm like, Conalage.
00:05:16.540 You put me in the college.
00:05:17.400 And I paid me in the.
00:05:19.940 Because I woke up and then.
00:05:21.340 Conalage.
00:05:21.840 Conalage.
00:05:22.280 What it was is I woke up.
00:05:24.620 And you were yelling at something.
00:05:26.460 I don't remember.
00:05:27.060 And then you were like, breakfast is done in 30 minutes.
00:05:29.180 And then we went and just like ate the most food I think we've ever eaten in a short amount of time.
00:05:34.280 And we came upstairs for you to just immediately start arguing with Ronan again.
00:05:38.920 Like you were like, round two.
00:05:40.580 There was no break.
00:05:41.720 I went and took a shower and I came out.
00:05:43.640 And you were just like, fucking this asshole.
00:05:46.540 He's unprofessional.
00:05:47.500 He's a hack.
00:05:48.420 He has no talent.
00:05:49.860 He's not going to make it.
00:05:50.900 His career is shit.
00:05:52.500 I'm telling you.
00:05:53.280 He's shit.
00:05:55.120 Curtis is just like dead at this point.
00:05:57.080 I swear.
00:05:57.480 I thought he OG'd.
00:05:58.700 He had a fucking jacket over his head.
00:06:00.740 Over his head.
00:06:01.440 Like I thought he was dead.
00:06:03.220 I was just yelling.
00:06:04.720 You were just screaming.
00:06:05.680 You were just screaming.
00:06:05.980 You were just screaming.
00:06:06.560 Top of your lungs for like two hours.
00:06:08.760 And then you're like, we got to lay check in so I can fight with my publicist about Ronan Geisler.
00:06:12.660 It's the most psychotic morning.
00:06:17.600 And then we're like, we have to do a fucking show today.
00:06:21.580 And then we tried to get gay tattoos.
00:06:23.840 We tried to get magic tattoos.
00:06:25.040 I regret not doing that.
00:06:35.320 This is comedy, folks.
00:06:36.660 This is what it is.
00:06:37.380 It's just really arguing with Jews about where you're going to stay.
00:06:40.640 What's even funnier is Biden is flying into Ottawa as I'm here.
00:06:45.820 He's probably in the Econ Lodge.
00:06:48.060 Ronan Geisler booked him in the Econ Lodge.
00:06:50.360 Oh, Joe.
00:06:51.360 You're also at the Econ Lodge.
00:06:53.120 I guess you also have Jews booking a fucking hotel.
00:06:57.760 I think he's in the Sheraton, dude.
00:06:59.820 Joe Biden at the Sheraton.
00:07:02.280 I wouldn't be surprised.
00:07:02.780 Definitely not.
00:07:03.280 He's staying at the fair or whatever there, like the Chateau Laurier.
00:07:06.620 Yeah, but they booked out every room.
00:07:08.860 Isn't that what they do?
00:07:09.440 Yeah, for all the staff.
00:07:10.840 Maybe some staff or something, you know?
00:07:12.680 Yeah, I saw a lot of diplomat cards, which was cool.
00:07:15.000 I'm here to be a fucking queer.
00:07:17.280 I'm here to try to pass another bill,
00:07:19.840 letting trans people do whatever they want to anyone.
00:07:21.520 I want to pass a bill where if a comedian goes to a Jewish comedy festival
00:07:24.700 and he makes fun of everybody, then he goes to jail for one day.
00:07:28.420 We have the Geisler bill.
00:07:31.200 The Geisler Accords.
00:07:32.620 Dude, he was fucking so like, you guys are pieces of shit.
00:07:38.560 They're great comics, but you're pieces of shit.
00:07:40.960 And I kept trying to explain to him, like, dude, that's why we're funny
00:07:43.840 is the fact that we're insane.
00:07:46.400 Like, you know who's not insane?
00:07:47.980 Fucking Orly Matlow.
00:07:50.420 He gets on stage.
00:07:51.360 My boyfriend's going to email young publicist about how awful this was.
00:07:56.360 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:07:57.300 The main reason he was upset, too, wasn't that these people are upset.
00:08:00.180 I said, you could have lost a sponsor for some Israeli bonds.
00:08:03.820 Fucking Ukrainian.
00:08:05.580 Forex trading company.
00:08:06.700 Money smuggling.
00:08:07.880 Fucking tax evasion clinic.
00:08:10.800 Do you know how hard I worked with my accountant to fucking burn the books?
00:08:14.400 Do you know how hard it was to get a Jew to give me money?
00:08:17.100 It took me five years.
00:08:18.940 I've been booking this show for five years.
00:08:20.820 He's like, how much did he give you?
00:08:22.180 A thousand dollars.
00:08:24.520 Shut up, Ronan, you fucking idiot.
00:08:26.700 Get a real job, dude.
00:08:27.980 Yeah, what is your job?
00:08:28.860 I'm trying to scam old Jews into seeing me do comedy.
00:08:33.300 I've been pimping my Yugoslavian stripper girlfriend for months.
00:08:37.240 I love that he just has this, like, group of, like, bad Jewish comics that he wants.
00:08:41.960 And then he brings in me.
00:08:43.060 And then I'm like, put Armin on.
00:08:44.360 We both kill.
00:08:45.460 I literally called out all the Jews for being bad at comedy.
00:08:48.420 Dude, the people that don't come because it's too offensive and all this stuff,
00:08:52.760 he's going to make up with people who are like, oh, did you hear about this Jewish comedy thing
00:08:56.740 where it's just, like, fucking crazy?
00:08:59.140 Yeah.
00:08:59.680 What the fuck is this whole, like, oh, my God.
00:09:02.540 Bad for business.
00:09:03.220 He's like, don't you do corporate gigs for yuck yucks?
00:09:06.040 I mean, not really.
00:09:06.960 I've done, like, two.
00:09:07.900 And it was for, like, a construction company.
00:09:09.600 And remember when we did, I took you to that corporate gig where it was all those OPP officers?
00:09:13.780 Yeah, I remember that one.
00:09:14.820 And then they were mad at me because I ate too many chicken wings and all the kinds of things.
00:09:19.040 It's like, fuck that.
00:09:20.280 I'm done with all this, like, you ate too much.
00:09:22.260 You did that.
00:09:22.780 I'm doing my own shows.
00:09:24.140 They're sold out.
00:09:25.000 Suck my dick.
00:09:25.760 I'm eating as much as I fucking want, dude.
00:09:27.780 I do like the shitty shows, though, sometimes.
00:09:30.680 I do like the, like, just it's something to talk about.
00:09:33.560 It's cathartic for sure to just go up there and be like, fuck it.
00:09:38.620 People are impressed.
00:09:39.680 And, like, we don't even know why because we don't get it.
00:09:42.580 It's just, like, who would go in front of a group of people like that and say the things that we said?
00:09:46.920 I mean, it's absolutely insane.
00:09:48.840 Yeah.
00:09:49.460 I like how that one guy goes up and goes, Ben Bankus is courageous for that.
00:09:53.340 And then it's just, like, people are, like, the people who are mad are probably like, but they were probably gone at that point.
00:09:59.240 Let's be honest.
00:09:59.760 The people who are writing emails left within 15 minutes or they died.
00:10:03.220 They passed away.
00:10:04.260 I know.
00:10:04.480 Ronan's like, I got one email.
00:10:05.900 The radiation killed him.
00:10:07.780 Ronan's like, I go.
00:10:09.360 I'm like, how often do you even want to do shows here?
00:10:11.580 He's like, once a year?
00:10:12.760 I'm like, okay.
00:10:13.320 Oh, my God.
00:10:14.040 These people have Alzheimer's.
00:10:15.180 You think in a year from now, they're going to be like, oh, that was the scary show we went to where the Jew talked about the transgender rights.
00:10:22.540 And it was funny.
00:10:23.500 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:10:24.140 If you're enjoying this episode and you want to listen to the rest of it, go to Patreon.com slash Ben Bankus.
00:10:30.880 That is the best way to support Ben and his comedy career, his future.
00:10:35.140 You get access to bonus content from everything you like, from the podcast to stand up to the human monkey hybrid to Teresa, Teresa, the human monkey hybrid.
00:10:48.940 And even Handong.
00:10:52.540 I'm sorry.
00:10:53.620 Handong.
00:10:54.600 Don't be so mean to.
00:10:56.040 So if you want bonus podcasts and all of this content, you want to support my career, go over to Patreon.com slash Ben Bankus right now.
00:11:04.320 Thank you so much.