Clavicular - December 16, 2025


Turning Cookie into Damon Salvatore


Episode Stats

Length

25 minutes

Words per Minute

182.81348

Word Count

4,681

Sentence Count

1

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

17


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 all right guys we're at the mall with cookie king himself what's going on and we are going to be
00:00:04.960 looks maxing him for going out right so this is going to be a comprehensive list of different
00:00:10.720 things to ascend him and hopefully we're gonna get some sleighs going start uh ascending this guy
00:00:16.960 so let's get in there see what we can do hopefully have a good transformation we have a lot of
00:00:21.920 different stuff this is like the uh you know nordstrom type mall so we could fragrance max
00:00:26.800 first what do you think about that so honestly to budget max and money max we should just get free
00:00:31.600 samples of a good cologne so what do you think let's uh spray some samples over here okay
00:00:39.360 oh this one's fire yeah smell that
00:00:44.560 i forgot this what do you rate it like on a psl scale like ltn chad
00:00:49.920 i'd say it's mtn all right why don't you apply it oh that why i got a fragrance box
00:00:56.640 so i'll do it on the neck right yeah yeah so do do neck uh each arm
00:01:03.440 and you should be good i'll do one right here too yep perfect all right so now we're fragrance maxed
00:01:08.240 we're not going to be uh smelling like so let's take a look at what else the stores got to offer
00:01:13.520 they pretty much have every type of clothes in here so we'll do a little bit of looking around and
00:01:17.520 figure out what we can do pretty dandy clap can you fix my posture oh yeah yeah fix your posture
00:01:23.120 yeah this is a looks matter here do it on the wall dude it's like a type permanent dude
00:01:28.560 so if your posture's stuck try to get all points of convexity and do chin tuck what's a chin tuck so
00:01:34.720 put your head down and try to hit this belt max belt max yeah but keep try to keep your head on the
00:01:39.360 wall while you do it keep your head on the wall and push down wait that literally is melt maxing
00:01:43.360 bro in the mall is crazy posture maxing a cookie game looks good feel better dude i need to actually
00:01:52.560 do like exercises every day well you got to stop sitting like this is the biggest problem and looking
00:01:56.720 at your phone oh oh that hurts the editor posture yeah dude editor posture is brutal but anyway postures
00:02:03.120 can mostly cope anyway so let's find some fits all right what about some sunglasses bro well dude we should
00:02:08.240 literally just get built in sunglasses with our brow ridges then there's no point what we need to go
00:02:12.960 at sunset so that they'll see the sunglasses and they'll see that we're true hunter and then they'll
00:02:17.440 want to flock to us yeah this is the so we'll bone smash our brow ridge okay yeah we're transforming this
00:02:27.920 guy to make it look good yeah blow up blow up yeah do you have any advice what would you advise yeah um
00:02:34.640 nothing what do you think the hair hair and um we're gonna get some self-tanner some tan and different
00:02:45.760 shirt maybe not the v the whole thing what do you think about self-tanner what self-tanner would you advise
00:02:51.280 guys i was gonna say bondi stands from do that yeah yeah or saint trofet saint trofet okay we'll
00:03:01.040 check it out thank you thank you for the suggestion good luck okay have a great day bye goodbye um the
00:03:06.640 thing is we already knew all that so that was uh basically just a waste of time yeah um guys don't
00:03:14.000 worry their input isn't gonna matter but yeah don't worry guys i already i already know all there is to
00:03:17.680 know thanks for the advice very nice but leave it to the expert we just wanted a girl in the video
00:03:22.720 yeah pretty much all right let's keep it moving honestly true classic is really good if you if
00:03:28.800 you're like an athletically built guy like so like me yeah like like us yeah we're athletically built
00:03:35.040 then true classic is going to be arguably the best thing because look at how this fits it's like yeah
00:03:40.640 it feels like it's tailored to me without it actually having to be it's very affordable too we could
00:03:45.440 almost go with the all all black fit if you want i'm i'm cool with that all right yeah do you know
00:03:50.480 what size pants you are what was it i think 36 32 or something 32 yeah 32 36 you wouldn't be 36 you'd
00:04:00.800 probably be 32 30 yeah i think so something like that straight cut black chinos or jeans um hmm just
00:04:09.840 just maybe chinos yeah this one might be better for the bar that we're going to yeah some more
00:04:17.680 lightweight more more casual more lightweight yep a little more stretch to it that's right i won't have
00:04:23.600 the black in the jeans right now but if you go with the black polo i have some black or dark gray jeans
00:04:29.600 32 30 just trying for the size don't look bad either with black yeah do you think um well those are those
00:04:35.520 black or blue those are blue i would go with the gray over all right sure i think you should go black
00:04:40.960 and gray we'll try those on that for size those shoes that would be good yeah why don't you go put
00:04:45.200 on that bed too see we could come up with that i'm very curious to see how well fitting this is because
00:04:51.760 obviously this this stuff feels like it's tailored to me but i don't know um with cookie how it's going
00:04:57.840 to work out for him or if he knows his size is too well but i think we can make it work if not we'll
00:05:02.560 you know we'll call an audible and make some on-the-fly decisions with other clothing brands
00:05:07.600 but i think we should do well for a man like paper correctly the waist it's still a little tight
00:05:13.920 uh so i think we'll we'll look for other alternatives for the shirts but the pants look
00:05:18.160 good so you definitely go with the pants okay so should i just uh are we gonna go different store for
00:05:22.640 sure uh we could look look around here and if not what we could uh switch it up and go to a different
00:05:27.520 store but we'll definitely get those pants i think this could uh actually ascend yeah this could
00:05:32.240 work a lot better than you can add a little bit more with a little more color blocking on them
00:05:38.000 yeah i think this is going to bother yeah do these things thank you all right yeah this uh amazing
00:05:47.680 suggestion always happy uh with true classic so yeah figure it out the best yeah you guys are always
00:05:52.960 helpful when you come in so thank you great i like it do you think these colors match yeah
00:06:05.040 there you go it's good so you say it looks fantastic it looks fantastic i think we got a fit so should i
00:06:11.360 just wear these right now yeah we could just buy them let's do it yeah just keep them on the tags are
00:06:17.040 still on i'm sure yeah let's go with that looks mugged so i think we found the fit and we can run that
00:06:26.320 back tomorrow when we go out yeah and uh looks very ideal i'd argue one of your best fits dude i don't
00:06:33.680 know i don't like this like it feels like it feels like i'm like fat for some reason i'm not used to
00:06:40.000 wearing stuff like this i like to like when i when i'm lighter weight i like to wear like tighter
00:06:43.680 things because then it shows how much like weight i've lost but like it shows how much weight you've
00:06:47.680 lost but you're still not exactly yeah but i just like feel like fat right now i don't know why it's
00:06:52.720 weird well you want to i sound like a girl you still do want to obfuscate your frame a little bit
00:06:59.120 because it's not exactly within the ideal yet but i agree with you can you remind me one more time
00:07:04.240 please that my frame's not an ideal it's not yet well it will be once you lose a little bit more
00:07:08.800 all right thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you i'll just go uh i'll go go to gandhi
00:07:13.760 heaven asap spray to gandhi and i'll all go to whey we can start spamming looks max words when we're
00:07:19.280 in the before also let's let's gesture monclair monclair where where up front oh um i don't know if i want to
00:07:28.400 do a monclair polo i don't know if i want to ruin a monclair polo in a college dive bar that's true
00:07:38.400 that's that's the only issue with monclair is like then how am i going to slay a stacy
00:07:42.960 uh if you want to slay a stacy it's going to be all about you know your personality
00:07:47.040 uh you might as well just say i'm okay at this point man hey it's like those ai videos you just
00:07:54.400 got to be confident bro do you want to recreate it real quick yeah it's never about the height the
00:08:02.240 looks it's all personality and haircut personality and haircut that's what i'm saying remember when
00:08:07.120 it's like no bro i think you just need a haircut or where i'm like talking to the guy like this is
00:08:10.720 arjun i took over in 2024 yeah dude how come they all have to do that what's your gandhi reference
00:08:16.560 what don't change cabana the holy gandhi dude dude wait look look gandhi wow dude you gotta get him
00:08:26.960 on on a video yeah we gotta do a podcast gandhi guys everyone's yeah yeah but that doesn't mean you
00:08:35.840 shouldn't pray to him pray to gandhi i don't give a who you are ali you're a nice guy
00:08:45.360 do you want to not speaking to someone who will let you speak this way you know what the
00:08:49.280 you're going to do about it you don't this you want to say what's up
00:08:56.640 yeah bro you might pack sun what am i what am i on the rating on the scale you broke the scale bro
00:09:02.800 too good yeah bro he's got are you one of those guys they comment they're running a two man with
00:09:13.840 some uh jb so hopefully these guys can get a sleigh they're moggin right now you know so we'll see
00:09:20.640 what happens but good luck to you fellas thank you bro good to meet you thank you take care fellas have
00:09:25.040 a good day where we going right now all right we're going to sephora
00:09:34.240 we're going to find some to ascend this guy um obviously you know this is a little bit autistic
00:09:40.400 usually this is something to be done in secret but we're going to give you guys the real
00:09:44.640 methods to to ascend so let's figure out exactly what we're going to do you know so yes sir
00:09:50.080 uh i'm thinking that we start off with some uh you know bb cream give our skin a little bit of an
00:09:56.240 even texture maybe secret uh not exactly we're going to give your skin a more even texture kind
00:10:01.760 of fraud a little bit as well as some under eye concealer and um one secret secret one that i'll
00:10:08.560 i'll put people on too uh at the end of the video so let's start it up but i think we're going to start
00:10:14.080 here okay okay how are you how are you for a tinted moisturizer like a bb cream style and then a
00:10:22.400 undried concealer hair mascara so we don't carry a clear mascara we have a clear brow gel
00:10:33.440 yeah yeah i was gonna say some people use it for the eyelashes and eyebrows um so unfortunately they
00:10:38.800 didn't let me just talk about what we just got oh yeah i forgot we didn't even film it yeah
00:10:45.280 yeah we tried our best to get shots in there but unfortunately they were being kind of gay about
00:10:49.360 filming yeah we want to do shots with the worker we're like yeah dude we're literally haloing this
00:10:53.840 so we're giving them free publicity for men she's like i can't do this at work yeah my bro so okay
00:11:00.560 anyway what kind of company doesn't want free publicity of us filming their vlog so it seems kind of
00:11:07.040 retarded to me but regardless so we got a couple copes got some air brow we got some wait wait wait
00:11:13.840 but instead of getting all this why not why not i just like eat raw meat and like drink raw milk wouldn't
00:11:17.760 that like do the same effects like fix my under eye back yeah so unfortunately eating raw meat isn't
00:11:22.800 going to fix your under eye recession but that's what godis says oh yeah so unfortunately your in for
00:11:27.440 orbitals don't get changed by uh raw meat or anything diet related really so this is going to actually
00:11:33.680 mass effect this isn't going to change it either it's just a fraud you're frauding them you're
00:11:38.080 frauding temporarily but you're not fixing the underlying root which is something that needs
00:11:42.720 surgical you know intervention but we're doing our best with what we've got at our disposal right so
00:11:48.560 um the next thing we've got is some tinted moisturizer that's going to even out your skin tone
00:11:54.080 make you look like you have a filter on irl that all the tiktokers like face app yeah face app
00:11:58.880 irl it's like kind of cheating and the last thing we got we got a little bit of concealer for the
00:12:04.480 under eye as well as this one's going to be a you yeah this is going to be an interesting one i'm not
00:12:09.760 going to talk about it yet but the waterline pen i'm going to show you guys some unique strategies
00:12:14.560 and what you could do with it so we're going to get this going
00:12:19.200 six minutes why is it so hard to like read it yeah it's pretty it's i think we just take a left here
00:12:24.400 let's go left all right so we'll take a left we'll get some chick-fil-a i'm going to go skinless chicken
00:12:29.600 take a look because ew you sure it's not all right you are all left no you are all all all all all
00:12:35.280 we're going with skinless chicken because when you have the skin on it it's got the dietary fat subhuman
00:12:39.600 as fuck awful macros oh we're here already yeah yeah look we already got here um personally well i might
00:12:45.920 just max with the teriyaki chicken i went here last time this dude didn't cook your stomach oh yeah it made
00:12:51.840 me burp every like five seconds off never mind i'll go with the chick-fil-a all right good good uh
00:12:59.280 ah yeah i'm getting shake shack i'm getting chick-fil-a personally
00:13:06.800 yeah brother you ain't you ain't fucking with pot pies but all right go with uh chick-fil-a
00:13:14.800 because it's the best macros for fast food just get the skinless chicken 560 calories for 98 grams of
00:13:21.040 protein you literally can't beat that so um we'll rip that up and see what's going on
00:13:28.000 what's going on
00:13:40.000 nice to meet you man
00:13:42.080 you got to go to chick-fil-a the macros think about the macros lean maxing cope dude all the
00:13:47.520 shit we're doing is coke fucking clothing wait wait this is starting to get to your head holy
00:13:51.920 holy i'm telling you you wait you're going to do all these these things getting you up and just
00:13:55.840 eat fat sludge from shake shack and descend it's all about the body fat that's what i'm telling you
00:14:01.440 no ah dude it's all about lean maxing lean as well he's going to shake shack to get a chicken sandwich
00:14:08.000 instead of getting a chicken sandwich and chick-fil-a dude no it's coke because you have to get the skinless
00:14:12.400 chicken it's the best macros it's not about the food being good it's about being lean lean is law
00:14:18.080 come on but yeah i'm already i would rather the food to be good or would you rather be lean and ascend
00:14:23.920 it's where it looks maxington and now it looks minic what do you you're paying for my plan all right
00:14:32.560 no i'm talking about someone who mentions like mental health or anything like that like
00:14:36.320 mental health like i feel like i've asked you before do you ever feel depressed but like
00:14:40.080 i don't know i feel like you're like i don't know if i could take your answer seriously like
00:14:43.680 if i say like do you ever feel depressed off like off like a work session after taking adderall or
00:14:48.000 some shit like you feel like so like like genuinely i can't you're gonna have to like bleep it out like
00:14:52.640 you ever feel like that or no no dude honestly i would say that like my baseline state kind of remains
00:14:58.400 like in terms of my motivations like sure you know can i get a picture with you bro yeah nice to meet you
00:15:05.920 bro so yeah no i would say that my baseline state of just like you know how i'm feeling about things
00:15:12.480 like wait yeah we came in from there but yeah no it doesn't really change like based on one bad event
00:15:20.720 or crashing off of an xr like something like that you know i'm too stable of a person to really get
00:15:27.920 affected by things so i kind of like my my brain chemistry a lot like i'm naturally low inhibition
00:15:36.400 i don't really get anxious about things so um and no depression really even like when
00:15:42.400 shit goes really bad for me i don't really get hit too hard by it like think about it when i got
00:15:47.120 kicked out of college um i didn't even really cortisol spike or get upset feel any type of way
00:15:53.200 i'm just someone who just continues to keep moving you know regardless of bad circumstances
00:15:58.640 yeah literally nothing ever happens and the thing that i was thinking about is
00:16:01.440 um you know what is going to go differently now and what could i actually gain from this
00:16:06.960 and i literally gained the ability to go back to work and you know i'll be able to save up for my
00:16:12.400 surgeries um you know in a faster timeline than having to wait till next summer so i was like okay
00:16:17.760 let's find the pros of the situation let's find a silver lining so that kind of helped me move
00:16:22.000 through uh all the bad uh you know situations that i was in with uh getting expelled from
00:16:27.280 college and shit like that you know so just find the silver lining is what i would say for most
00:16:32.800 situations and you'll do well all right so cookie we are at cvs currently and what we're going to be
00:16:38.800 doing is getting you some box dye to up your contrast we're going to dye your hair black like
00:16:44.240 ian sommerhalder ian sommerhalder right so we're going to become damon salvatore now um you know
00:16:50.480 you've got the super pale skin that we've got going on we're going to throw in the color contacts later
00:16:54.880 and get the box dye going and uh see how much that ascends you dude i'm hype let's go let's go um do you
00:17:00.560 have anything i can use for after shaving so my face is irritated i think we just gotta get you a
00:17:04.640 better razor to be quite honest with you because i assume you use this the triple blade gelat safety
00:17:09.760 razors i don't want to use no uh no it's not the safety safety razors with the one blade right one
00:17:16.720 no no that's a well there are safety razors of all kinds let's go let's go to the shaving section
00:17:22.320 where's that okay but first of all we have to get you the box dye so let's go over here what about
00:17:26.080 the shiver dye though all right so do they have that in here hair removal shaving needs hair color
00:17:33.840 okay fantastic so usually you want to get the that um the chicks use so we're looking for
00:17:44.080 pitch black pitch black blue black all right let's look for where's the actually black black is black
00:17:53.600 do you select your payment letter yeah this is what i mean this is a crazy
00:17:57.520 i'm still gonna ask you for it too we got our bisphenol a-coated receipt with um endocrine
00:18:05.280 receptors and xenoestrogens make sure to rub that on your uh nutsack when you're heated and where's
00:18:13.440 all right so guys i am here with cookie king and we're about to dye his hair and make him look like
00:18:32.080 damon salvatore right so uh we went with the jet black dye so this stuff is hopefully gonna send you
00:18:38.240 excited cookie dude i'm so i'm so excited okay so should we let's see what we got here oh yeah yeah
00:18:44.000 we just gotta comb max the calmness back and section it off and then we're gonna get started
00:18:59.760 so we're gonna be showing cookie uh how to make up max as a male we're gonna fraud a little bit
00:19:04.960 um you know fix the intra orbitals you know mask some of the discoloration in the skin even though
00:19:11.200 the skin tone is very even we're just going to demonstrate um and also we might do a little bit
00:19:16.480 of brow gel and you know one secret looks max that you guys have probably not heard of but i think
00:19:22.400 you'll find very interesting so let's get into it so i'm gonna let cookie apply this but usually what i
00:19:27.920 tell people is always start with a bit of a diluted version just in case you overdo it right so you
00:19:33.360 don't want to be using the pure thing at first but since you've already tried it yeah was it fine
00:19:38.160 if you did it just straight up i've been doing it yeah okay so we don't need to dilute it but some
00:19:43.120 times that you know i've had to dilute the uh thing so it's not as obvious give them like two pumps
00:19:49.120 and guys make sure that you apply this into your neck and your hairline so that way everything just
00:19:54.000 looks even it's not obvious that you're wearing makeup because if you just leave it um you know only
00:19:59.520 on your face and your neck is a totally different color and shade it's obviously gonna you know
00:20:05.280 be visible that you're wearing makeup so this is just a broad anti-blemish uh you know topical cream
00:20:11.360 that you're using and we're going to be targeting the infraorbital area with something more specific
00:20:16.800 we're going to use a stick of concealer that way we could be a little bit more precise um you know
00:20:22.240 since that's a really important area to fix for cookie um so you know blend that up into your hairline
00:20:28.320 into your neck perfect you go and do your submental like this area the cookies area looks hella good
00:20:36.880 like that yeah it does it looks looks big and now we're going to do some under eye concealer
00:20:42.400 um we only need a very minimal amount considering we just did one little bit and we're going to focus
00:20:50.400 focus on the tear trough region and try to blend this line going into his nose that's what it's called
00:20:57.360 and make sure we pat everything all the way up uh you're going towards the center of the nasal frontal
00:21:03.680 process um and all the way up to the eyelid right so um obviously this is a little easier yourself
00:21:11.280 because you don't have someone touching the under part of your eye careful because as a male you cannot
00:21:16.080 get caught with this so you have to be a lot more precise than women so it's kind of like skill gaps
00:21:21.280 right skill based mass painting this is like yeah literally skill based smash striking because if you
00:21:25.680 get caught it's done this one you've probably never seen before but we're actually going to give him
00:21:31.200 hollow cheeks and contour his face now there actually is real contour that you could get but i don't find
00:21:36.640 it as effective as doing a black uh eyebrow or eyeliner pen and then blending it down so it's like you know
00:21:45.280 hollow cheeks right so we're going to go along the lateral zygomatic arch and wait don't don't laugh
00:21:52.720 sorry and then we're gonna blend together and down like this
00:22:04.240 now this is going to give them a little bit more chisel right it's actually one of the strategies we
00:22:10.080 implemented in that one picture now guys you see that look at that oh holy holy contour and it's not
00:22:17.920 obvious whatsoever guys the key is to do like these little dashes not full just draw down that way you
00:22:26.640 could be a little bit more precise and it's not as you know obvious because if you just draw a straight
00:22:33.520 line and try to blend it be a little bit too overdone and that's not what you want make sure you blend down
00:22:38.800 because it's sensible that the shadowing would go down your face right and you have to follow your
00:22:44.080 anatomy right don't just draw a random line you have to figure out where your you know zygomatic
00:22:49.040 arch is and draw from there and really try to simulate the hollow cheeks as best as you can
00:22:54.960 so i'd say that's phenomenal what about under here we can do the mandible if you want but i think that
00:23:00.640 it's not necessary for your case i think your mandible is already very striking so we just give
00:23:05.360 you that little bit of extra contour now show them look at the camera yeah and i'd say that adds like a
00:23:12.480 lot of strikingness to your face now the last thing that we're going to do is the brow gel right we're
00:23:18.160 just going to fix a little bit of the uh you know asymmetry in the brows especially this one try to
00:23:24.000 blend it down and in and this is not something that's obvious to make the brows look a little bit
00:23:30.000 more striking now towards the outer canthus of your eye you know above with your eyebrows it you know
00:23:36.000 it's quite necessary to sort of pull these out and make them more striking try to make the eyebrows
00:23:40.800 straighter we don't have an eyebrow razor unfortunately or we tweak these up but this
00:23:46.160 is the best we've got for now now amazing okay so we've done that now everyone's case dependent right
00:23:53.600 some people i would advise them to use some sort of you know maybe waterline pen or some sort of
00:23:59.120 mascara but i don't really think it's necessary for cookie's case because his phenotype has very strong
00:24:04.560 eyelashes already so it just isn't necessary for us to augment them in any way with more makeup
00:24:11.200 because that could serve to fail him actually um so that that's kind of all we're going to do for
00:24:16.480 cookie's case now um you know it looks phenomenal and the thing the other tip that i'll give you is
00:24:22.080 if you have razor bumps the concealer is phenomenal i actually want to do that right here yeah so we're
00:24:26.960 going to do or what cookie do a little bit of concealer on one of its ingrown hairs um but a lot of people
00:24:33.440 get those and i would recommend that you guys use the bb cream over to get a little bit of coverage and fix that
00:24:38.720 fail-out
00:24:51.120 so
00:25:03.520 so
00:25:21.920 so
00:25:23.920 so
00:25:34.320 so