Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #159

00:00:43.000 That was Jay Riotard.

00:00:45.000 What was that song?

00:00:46.000 Come Save Me?

00:00:48.000 I think his big shit was My Shadow!

00:00:50.000 My Shadow.

00:00:52.000 Poor bastard.

00:00:53.000 It ain't going to save me.

00:00:55.000 It ain't going to save me.

00:00:56.000 I think that guy died of Coke, which is pretty fucking rare.

00:01:00.000 Yeah.

00:01:01.000 Pretty fucking rare.

00:01:03.000 I've probably done enough to kill eight horses in my lifetime.

00:01:07.000 You can have a heart attack, I guess.

00:01:10.000 But I think he was out.

00:01:11.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Maddie Odell is back.

00:01:13.000 Hello, everybody.

00:01:14.000 Once again.

00:01:16.000 The co-host of GOML Live.

00:01:18.000 We also have Ryan Katsu Rivera, a man who is wearing a bulletproof vest and nothing else.

00:01:29.000 How would Jack describe him at the pub?

00:01:32.000 He's slow.

00:01:32.000 He's special.

00:01:33.000 He's touched.

00:01:34.000 He's a simple man.

00:01:36.000 That's it.

00:01:38.000 Jack describes people like Ryan as simple men, which I like.

00:01:41.000 I feel like I'm a doad.

00:01:43.000 I think that's a politically correct way to refer to you, Ryan.

00:01:46.000 In the South, they would say, bless his heart.

00:01:48.000 Bless his heart.

00:01:50.000 He is a good person, ultimately.

00:01:52.000 Yeah.

00:01:53.000 And he can feed himself, and he washes his balls and stuff.

00:01:57.000 I'm preparing myself to forgive you.

00:02:02.000 You know what clip you're going to take from Whitney and I?

00:02:05.000 You need working on, boy.

00:02:08.000 I don't remember that.

00:02:09.000 It's the poacher talking to Withna and him.

00:02:12.000 And every time I'm being a pussy, in my own head, I'll just be like, you need working on, boy.

00:02:19.000 We have a new sponsor here.

00:02:20.000 Exciting.

00:02:22.000 Silk City Hot Sauce, the G Sauce.

00:02:24.000 Did I send you this, Ryan?

00:02:25.000 Silk City Hunter.

00:02:27.000 Now, I'm reading a script here, so it's not going to sound like me, but let me just do me first.

00:02:32.000 Grammarly correct.

00:02:34.000 It is a hot sauce called the G Sauce, and it is a spicy sauce that encapsulates everything about the show, but in a hot sauce.

00:02:43.000 And if you have hot sauce in your cupboard, wouldn't it be cool to have a little Gav sauce?

00:02:49.000 We're going to get this a GavS tab, actually.

00:02:51.000 Nice.

00:02:51.000 All right, so that's me being sincere.

00:02:54.000 Let me read the ad copy here.

00:02:55.000 I have an announcement.

00:02:56.000 I have my own hot sauce, the G Sauce.

00:02:58.000 There are only 500 bottles, so grab yours quick.

00:03:01.000 G Sauce is made by Silk City Hot Sauce.

00:03:04.000 And it's a signature hot sauce of GML, obviously.

00:03:10.000 It's funny, that picture, I was trying to be incognito at a Project Veritas event.

00:03:16.000 So I dressed sort of like a Vermont redneck.

00:03:19.000 And then someone took a picture of me, and I guess that's become my photograph.

00:03:23.000 So that becomes a, I ended up achieving the opposite of what I wanted to achieve.

00:03:28.000 Featuring a blend of smoked merita and habanero peppers, fresh melons, garlic, scallion, and sweet roasted red peppers.

00:03:38.000 It is a solid medium heat, slightly sweet and smoky sauce.

00:03:43.000 Perfect for eggs, chicken, steak, and breakfast tacos.

00:03:45.000 Oh, I'm excited about this.

00:03:46.000 That is pretty cool.

00:03:48.000 Yeah, I want this to be at our kitchen table.

00:03:50.000 We'll have to try it in Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.

00:03:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:53.000 Definitely.

00:03:54.000 What's the next Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen?

00:03:57.000 I did a London Broil, baked potato, and Brussels sprouts with honey balsamic glaze.

00:04:03.000 So there's nothing spicy about any of that?

00:04:06.000 No, no spice.

00:04:07.000 But you did have a little bit of a kick to the meatloaf.

00:04:09.000 Yes, red pepper flakes.

00:04:11.000 Red pepper flakes.

00:04:12.000 Well, you should have had some G sauce.

00:04:13.000 The G sauce is available at silkcityhotsauce.com.

00:04:16.000 Use the discount code GAVIN for 15% off.

00:04:20.000 Buy a single bottle or buy a three-pack.

00:04:22.000 These things are flying off the shelf.

00:04:24.000 Not sure if that's true.

00:04:25.000 They're just announced today, but okay.

00:04:28.000 SilkCityHotSauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off your order.

00:04:32.000 You know, you want my sauce.

00:04:33.000 I don't like that.

00:04:33.000 That's a weird calm joke when you're selling food.

00:04:35.000 I don't really approve of that.

00:04:37.000 We have more sauces coming.

00:04:38.000 We currently have a Christmas sauce being developed with Silk City Hot Sauce.

00:04:41.000 Stay tuned.

00:04:42.000 SilkCityHotSauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off.

00:04:50.000 Hang on, one second.

00:04:51.000 Okay.

00:04:53.000 This vessel's a little deeper.

00:04:54.000 New vessel.

00:04:56.000 Here we go.

00:04:57.000 One, two, three.

00:05:01.000 And even this one's a little small, but it's deeper, so.

00:05:07.000 And bang!

00:05:09.000 And bang!

00:05:11.000 That's the scary part.

00:05:12.000 You don't know when it's coming.

00:05:13.000 Lovely.

00:05:13.000 Bang.

00:05:15.000 Here's the music.

00:05:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:16.000 It's coming right now.

00:05:20.000 Holy shit.

00:05:22.000 Holy sneak.

00:05:24.000 That's called thermal shock.

00:05:26.000 I love how confused you are.

00:05:28.000 Oh my god, that got hit.

00:05:29.000 Yeah, I was not expecting that.

00:05:31.000 Look at that whatsoever.

00:05:32.000 Let's see it again.

00:05:33.000 All right.

00:05:34.000 I like to go frame by frame on it.

00:05:36.000 Let me see if I can get the original file out so I can scrub.

00:05:38.000 Yeah, let's do frame by frame.

00:05:39.000 Because I duck out like a schoolgirl.

00:05:42.000 Yeah, you jumped back pretty well.

00:05:44.000 I did.

00:05:45.000 Yeah.

00:05:47.000 I ducking out like a schoolgirl.

00:05:50.000 I was hit.

00:05:52.000 Oh, no.

00:05:52.000 I believe I was hit.

00:05:53.000 That's old.

00:05:54.000 Ryan, we had no idea you were hit.

00:05:56.000 Here we go.

00:05:57.000 I love how you didn't throw that out, though.

00:05:59.000 No, we took about an inch or two off the whole top of the and I don't think it was even necessary too.

00:06:05.000 I'm not sure that's 100%, but okay.

00:06:07.000 No, you would have been safe.

00:06:08.000 I ate it all.

00:06:10.000 Me, I owe Ryan.

00:06:13.000 Caroline.

00:06:14.000 I think my boxing skills are going to go because I get hit and then I duck out.

00:06:18.000 And you know what sucked?

00:06:19.000 Those glass shards were fucking piping hot.

00:06:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:24.000 Oh, shit.

00:06:25.000 Because Pyrex dissipates the heat, so the whole dish gets hot.

00:06:30.000 That's why it exploded, like, not just one little section, and it was like a big plate left over.

00:06:35.000 Like the whole thing exploded.

00:06:37.000 What is Pyrex?

00:06:39.000 Well, you know, back in the day, that's what they used to cook kraken.

00:06:43.000 Really?

00:06:43.000 But what is it?

00:06:45.000 It's like a special kind of glass?

00:06:47.000 Yeah.

00:06:48.000 But what's special about it?

00:06:51.000 It's cooked at different levels.

00:06:52.000 I'm not 100% sure.

00:06:53.000 It's just the brand name is Pyrex.

00:06:54.000 Oh, it's the brand name.

00:06:55.000 They do like the brain.

00:06:56.000 Yeah, of course it's the brand name, but like what makes it special?

00:07:00.000 All that stuff.

00:07:01.000 It's very heat, you know, it conducts heat well.

00:07:03.000 Yeah.

00:07:03.000 Spreads it out.

00:07:04.000 Why?

00:07:04.000 How?

00:07:07.000 Okay.

00:07:08.000 Science.

00:07:09.000 A line of clear low thermal expansion borosilicate glass used for laboratory glassware kitchenware.

00:07:17.000 Okay, so it's a...

00:07:18.000 How did they come across that?

00:07:19.000 Yeah.

00:07:20.000 How did they come across anything?

00:07:21.000 Well, I know how they came across post-it notes.

00:07:24.000 They were trying to make the most intense industrial glue they could find, and they ended up making pussy glue.

00:07:30.000 And they're like, actually, this could be good if you just want to stick it on a thing and take it off and leave no mark.

00:07:35.000 There you go.

00:07:36.000 Let's embrace the pussy glue.

00:07:38.000 Which is what I said the day after I lost my virginity.

00:07:42.000 You know the way this works, folks.

00:07:44.000 Thursday is a special day.

00:07:46.000 It is the day of the people.

00:07:48.000 We get back in touch with our roots.

00:07:50.000 You call us.

00:07:51.000 You tell us we suck.

00:07:53.000 We look at letters.

00:07:54.000 You explain why we suck.

00:07:57.000 We also have the super chat.

00:08:00.000 Now, the super chat is you pay money.

00:08:05.000 We read whatever you, we read most of them, but we 100% guarantee we'll read the things that are over 100 bucks.

00:08:12.000 And the fun thing about the super chat is 100% of that money, I will not touch a dime, goes to Max and John.

00:08:22.000 Now, we haven't given it to them yet.

00:08:24.000 I've been giving them money for, remember the doodles we did for a while?

00:08:27.000 They got all that money.

00:08:29.000 But I want to give them like a big bag of cash when they get out of jail.

00:08:33.000 And I don't, I have no idea what we're up to with these super chats.

00:08:36.000 Let me just ask Ray now, live on the air.

00:08:41.000 Here's one for $100 coming in.

00:08:43.000 Let's see.

00:08:44.000 And then we give all that money to them.

00:08:47.000 How much are the super chats?

00:08:49.000 How much have...

00:08:50.000 I've asked him before.

00:08:51.000 He's not really great.

00:08:53.000 It's a problem with fucking Indians.

00:08:54.000 How much have we raised with the Sioux per check?

00:09:00.000 Here we go.

00:09:00.000 Would you rather be blind or paraplegic for $100 Bryce?

00:09:03.000 Blind.

00:09:04.000 Bryce is the guy offering a job to John when he gets out, by the way.

00:09:07.000 He says he doesn't.

00:09:08.000 Oh, cool.

00:09:08.000 He's that welder up in Rhode Island or New England or whatever.

00:09:14.000 That's a pretty good one.

00:09:15.000 Blind.

00:09:16.000 You're just going blind like that, man?

00:09:18.000 100%.

00:09:19.000 Yeah.

00:09:19.000 I had a cellmate that was when I was in the infirmary.

00:09:25.000 He couldn't...

00:09:26.000 He broke his back, like mid-back, and it was fucking...

00:09:29.000 No dick.

00:09:30.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:09:32.000 A blind guy can get a blowjob, and it's awesome.

00:09:35.000 A blind guy can pretty much be mobile.

00:09:37.000 I know, but I love beauty.

00:09:39.000 Tomorrow's episode is all about hot chicks on the right.

00:09:43.000 I think your imagination...

00:09:44.000 Move?

00:09:45.000 Your imagination's better.

00:09:46.000 Well, the other good thing about being blind now is you've seen shit.

00:09:50.000 So, like, say you were to meet a girl and you're single.

00:09:54.000 You're like, what are you?

00:09:55.000 And she's like, I'm Iranian.

00:09:56.000 Okay, I know that kind of level of beauty.

00:09:58.000 I know what you look like.

00:09:59.000 Snooky is the worst case scenario.

00:10:01.000 You feel her face.

00:10:02.000 You feel her tits.

00:10:03.000 And you're like, I remember chicks like you.

00:10:05.000 And now when you're fucking her, you can...

00:10:08.000 A mental picture.

00:10:09.000 You can, you can...

00:10:10.000 What?

00:10:10.000 A mental picture.

00:10:11.000 Well, yeah, but I'm talking about looks and stuff.

00:10:14.000 So now when you're fucking her, you can imagine pretty well what she looks like.

00:10:20.000 You could be like...

00:10:21.000 But yeah, I think Maddie's right.

00:10:22.000 Paraplegic, no dick, no legs.

00:10:26.000 And, you know, a blind guy, I'm a firm believer in a man's facility, a man's ability to command things.

00:10:34.000 No, I'm not going with you guys.

00:10:36.000 No, I'm going over here.

00:10:38.000 No, we're going over there.

00:10:40.000 You know, that really is what defines a man.

00:10:42.000 They have a sense of liberty and freedom.

00:10:44.000 He still has an essence of independence.

00:10:46.000 Yeah.

00:10:47.000 Do you want to do the show blind?

00:10:49.000 Well, I'm blind right now.

00:10:52.000 But the guy I had looking at our house in Costa Rica, the sort of house sitter, he was like, I live in a prison, a tropical prison.

00:10:59.000 And I said, fuck you, you bitch.

00:11:01.000 Life is awesome.

00:11:02.000 But now that I'm older, I realize what he was saying.

00:11:05.000 Like, he couldn't go to his mother's funeral in Chicago.

00:11:07.000 He was on the lamb for pot shit.

00:11:11.000 He couldn't go to his mother's funeral.

00:11:12.000 He didn't have freedom.

00:11:14.000 If he got pulled over for drunk driving, he was completely fucked up the ass.

00:11:20.000 So he always had that sort of Damocles over his head, and that's not what men like.

00:11:24.000 I'm sure women don't love it either, but I feel like with men, there's more pain there.

00:11:28.000 So, I mean, I've been blind for over a minute now, and it's not great.

00:11:34.000 Not great.

00:11:36.000 Well, my name is Ryan.

00:11:37.000 I'm sitting here in a blue dress.

00:11:39.000 You're wearing a blue dress?

00:11:41.000 Yes.

00:11:43.000 My pronouns are they, them, and I'm wearing a blue dress.

00:11:47.000 Okay.

00:11:47.000 You open your eyes.

00:11:49.000 I took it off before you saw me.

00:11:51.000 My name is Gavin.

00:11:52.000 I'm wearing an ironic t-shirt that talks about queefs, but a common sort of 80s monster truck thing, that culture was like, I don't break for faggots or something.

00:12:04.000 But in this iteration of it, we're talking about queefs.

00:12:08.000 And we're referring to if you're having sex with a woman and she was to go out her pussy, would you stop and be like, oh no, what the hell was that?

00:12:18.000 Or would you keep on going?

00:12:19.000 And we're of the ilk where you wouldn't even acknowledge it.

00:12:25.000 Didn't happen.

00:12:25.000 Just air.

00:12:26.000 Homevoice didn't like.

00:12:29.000 Just air.

00:12:29.000 So we don't break for quiz.

00:12:31.000 I'd love to explain that to a blind guy.

00:12:34.000 The drawing is very cartoony.

00:12:36.000 It's a monster truck.

00:12:38.000 There's like a hot rod rat guy.

00:12:40.000 Do you know hot rod?

00:12:41.000 I guess you don't know the hot rod sort of genre of cartooning.

00:12:45.000 There's a chick with huge tits.

00:12:47.000 You probably know what tits are.

00:12:48.000 She's a redhead.

00:12:50.000 There's a bong and a Budweiser.

00:12:53.000 It's available at Censor.tv.

00:12:56.000 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

00:13:00.000 He's blind and angry.

00:13:02.000 Blind people are dicks.

00:13:03.000 The fuck a titch.

00:13:05.000 Deaf people are nice.

00:13:06.000 Hi, what are you doing?

00:13:08.000 They're like lesbians who get laid.

00:13:10.000 Blind people are assholes.

00:13:11.000 They're like fags who don't get laid.

00:13:15.000 My dad used to work at a hotel in Scotland, and everyone would fight to take the day off when a blind group was coming.

00:13:23.000 They're always complaining.

00:13:24.000 They're always mad at the world, which I get.

00:13:27.000 I'd be pretty pissed off too if God denied me eyeballs.

00:13:35.000 We'd like to thank Fop Metals for supporting the show.

00:13:39.000 This show is free because of sponsors like Fop Metals who have been here since day one.

00:13:45.000 The government isn't sure if we're in a recession or not.

00:13:48.000 They said we were.

00:13:49.000 They said we weren't.

00:13:50.000 They keep changing the definition of recession.

00:13:52.000 It's clear things are going real bad because we gave everyone a ton of money like an idiocracy.

00:13:59.000 Remember when George Orwell's 1984 and Mike Judge's Idiocracy were interesting works of fiction that have no bearing on reality?

00:14:10.000 Well, those days are gone.

00:14:12.000 Those are both documentaries now, and we are in them.

00:14:15.000 We gave everyone thousands of dollars not to go to work, and then we had a problem finding people to work, believe it or not.

00:14:23.000 We overprinted money.

00:14:25.000 We just kept printing it and printing it, and believe it or not, the dollar went down in value.

00:14:29.000 The left's justification for all this is, yeah, but it's bad in Europe too.

00:14:33.000 Yeah, you may have also fucked up.

00:14:36.000 And congratulations for that, by the way.

00:14:38.000 But we've fucked up royally.

00:14:40.000 And now we have no economic certainty.

00:14:43.000 So I believe it makes sense to allot at least some of your savings to precious metals.

00:14:49.000 Cash them in if you change your mind.

00:14:51.000 Cash in the silver, cash in the gold.

00:14:54.000 But allot some of your money to FOPMetals.com, P-H-A-U-P, not F-O-P, P-H-A-U-P-Metals.com, promo code GAVIN.

00:15:04.000 They've got all kinds of commemorative coins.

00:15:08.000 It's really unlimited how much you can spend on silver and gold and these precious metals.

00:15:14.000 But I think you would be remiss not to at least impart some of your savings to precious metals in these times of economic uncertainty.

00:15:27.000 So tomorrow we're devoting most of the show to Hot Chicks on the Right.

00:15:32.000 And I just, I think I forgot someone.

00:15:35.000 It's pre-taped because I'm going to be out of town.

00:15:37.000 But I forgot this chick, Cassandra something.

00:15:41.000 She works at News.

00:15:44.000 Amanda Milius, yes.

00:15:46.000 I forgot her.

00:15:47.000 But Cassandra, she's a boxer and she's Asian-y Castro.

00:15:55.000 Cassandra Castro?

00:15:57.000 That sounds Spanish.

00:16:00.000 Yeah, she's part Spanish.

00:16:01.000 Cuban.

00:16:01.000 That's the best one.

00:16:03.000 God must want us to mix if he's doing shit like that.

00:16:08.000 Maybe Castro is in her name?

00:16:10.000 It's funny when you're trying to remember an...

00:16:12.000 Kara.

00:16:13.000 I got it.

00:16:14.000 Kara Castranova.

00:16:17.000 Castranova?

00:16:19.000 Yes.

00:16:20.000 X-Boxer.

00:16:21.000 If your boner isn't already big enough.

00:16:25.000 Wait, what are you doing?

00:16:26.000 Kara Castranova.

00:16:28.000 Wait, is it that chick, the MMA fighter that was in Mandalorian?

00:16:32.000 No, I don't know why they keep showing her.

00:16:33.000 Yeah.

00:16:34.000 Look at that.

00:16:36.000 That is a fucking treat and a half, boys.

00:16:40.000 She's in the golden gloves there.

00:16:44.000 She's running for office.

00:16:47.000 What does she do now?

00:16:48.000 She does right-wing news.

00:16:50.000 Oh, nice.

00:16:51.000 Look at that.

00:16:51.000 That's a 10.

00:16:52.000 Why is she so linked to Gina Carano?

00:16:55.000 I wonder.

00:16:55.000 Because she's a female conservative fighter.

00:16:58.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:59.000 Yeah, Gina Carano got fired from Disney and all that.

00:17:02.000 Right, because she made a Nazi analogy.

00:17:05.000 It wasn't even offensive.

00:17:06.000 She said, the way you're treating conservatives is not unlike the way they treated Jews during World War II.

00:17:12.000 And they're like, you're done.

00:17:13.000 And they use that all the time.

00:17:15.000 They use that non-stop.

00:17:18.000 It's becoming a deal breaker for me, by the way.

00:17:20.000 Anyone who uses a Hitler analogy, I'm just like, I gotta go.

00:17:25.000 That's a deal-breaker for me.

00:17:26.000 Another deal breaker is you're gonna get raped in prison.

00:17:29.000 Haha.

00:17:31.000 And when I say deal breaker, I mean, I don't want to talk to that person anymore.

00:17:34.000 I don't want to listen to them.

00:17:35.000 I'm done with this discussion.

00:17:38.000 This is a 10.

00:17:39.000 My friends thought I was crazy.

00:17:41.000 I've never watched female boxing.

00:17:43.000 Female boxing is actually, as far as female sports go, it's one of the better female sports.

00:17:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:17:52.000 We've watched female MMA before, man.

00:17:54.000 We've had a big fight this weekend, tomorrow, Saturday.

00:17:57.000 Yeah, I'm a little uncomfortable seeing a woman have her head kicked in, especially when it's someone like, what's her name, Fox, the tranny?

00:18:07.000 That's not very pleasant.

00:18:08.000 No.

00:18:10.000 And I assume they're both lesbians whenever I see it go down.

00:18:14.000 Yeah, it's golden gloves boxing right there.

00:18:16.000 But this isn't bad.

00:18:18.000 The way female basketball and female soccer is terrible.

00:18:23.000 Actually, this looks pretty bad.

00:18:26.000 I'm saying that's Amateur.

00:18:28.000 That's golden gloves.

00:18:29.000 Those punches don't look painful at all.

00:18:32.000 Go ahead.

00:18:34.000 I would not, if I was fighting these girls, I would not have my hands up.

00:18:40.000 I guess the battle is waiting for the other chick to get tired and then hopefully you don't throw too tired of a punch.

00:18:48.000 I guess in female boxing, it's about getting as many...

00:18:51.000 Look at those punches.

00:18:52.000 Jesus Lord.

00:18:55.000 Those are terrible.

00:18:57.000 They don't look remotely painful, do they?

00:19:00.000 Is the headgear just to keep their hair in place?

00:19:03.000 I don't know if it's mandatory in the Golden Gloves, but most people wear headgear.

00:19:07.000 Oh, I see.

00:19:07.000 Yeah, they wear it in the amateurs, yeah.

00:19:11.000 By the way, it turns out we got some intel from a baby monster of sorts, a very elite baby monster, that Pyrex isn't thermal shock proof anymore, and here's what you need to know.

00:19:20.000 Right, that's why I said it was thermal shock.

00:19:22.000 Yep.

00:19:23.000 If you've been a long-time user of Pyrex, you deserve to know that the company changed the quality of its glass years ago, which caused it to be less resilient than we thought.

00:19:31.000 The brand has been a kitchenware staple for over 100 years with its glass cookware, measuring cups, and more that could withstand temperature changes.

00:19:40.000 But in 1998, the Pyrex brand changed the type of glass used for its U.S. I Can't See products.

00:19:48.000 The brand first used bro-silicate glass, which could withstand thermal shock, i.e.

00:19:56.000 the glass wouldn't shatter due to strong temperature changes.

00:19:59.000 The new glass was soda lime glass, which is strong, but it hasn't stopped people's Pyrex glass products from breaking from time to time.

00:20:08.000 Cooking Light also calls out the fact that if you have vintage Pyrex glassware that's over 20 years old, it's a hot commodity.

00:20:15.000 That old casserole dish is sufficiently heat resistant and thermal shockproof and will withstand even the most extreme temperature changes since it's of the original glass.

00:20:27.000 That's sort of like my, I told you about my dishwasher downstairs at Gas Chaff.

00:20:32.000 I put anything in there.

00:20:34.000 I could put an abortion in there.

00:20:36.000 And it comes out looking like it's a brand new glass I got from a glass shop.

00:20:40.000 My super expensive brand new dishwasher upstairs.

00:20:43.000 Dude, I was typing it in the other day.

00:20:48.000 Normal cycle.

00:20:50.000 Three hours.

00:20:51.000 Jesus Christ.

00:20:53.000 Can you imagine how much glassware you could wash in three fucking hours?

00:20:59.000 I could do two restaurants.

00:21:02.000 Three hours.

00:21:03.000 I do most of my, I mean, in my house, I do everything by hand.

00:21:07.000 It takes no time.

00:21:08.000 I don't care what you got.

00:21:10.000 Give me baked on lasagna.

00:21:12.000 Like a crazy Thanksgiving dinner would be back before we had dishwashers, I remember it.

00:21:19.000 It would be like...

00:21:24.000 Oh, it would be...

00:21:25.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:21:26.000 It would be.

00:21:27.000 It would be...

00:21:28.000 Wait, wait, what?

00:21:30.000 40, 45 minutes.

00:21:32.000 45 minutes.

00:21:33.000 Oh.

00:21:35.000 What the fuck are you wearing, dude?

00:21:37.000 Body armor.

00:21:39.000 A bulletproof vest?

00:21:40.000 Shoot me.

00:21:41.000 Is it bulletproof?

00:21:42.000 Yep.

00:21:42.000 I'd love to shoot you.

00:21:43.000 Shoot me.

00:21:46.000 And why no shirt?

00:21:48.000 It takes away the coolness of the armor, I believe.

00:21:51.000 I disagree.

00:21:52.000 Strongly.

00:21:52.000 Passionately.

00:21:54.000 With extreme fervor.

00:21:55.000 Can I tell you about shrinkflation?

00:21:56.000 We're talking about this casserole dish.

00:21:58.000 They don't make them like they used to anymore, folks.

00:22:00.000 The Chaco Taco being disconnected in.

00:22:04.000 Sorry, it's what?

00:22:04.000 Discontinued.

00:22:07.000 It's what?

00:22:07.000 Discommentened.

00:22:11.000 Vice Principal Black Tobago.

00:22:15.000 Not disconnected.

00:22:17.000 The king comes.

00:22:18.000 Remember we used to make fun of African politicians?

00:22:21.000 In the beginning.

00:22:22.000 He didn't even say that.

00:22:23.000 That was a fake meme.

00:22:25.000 Biden is worse than African politicians.

00:22:28.000 He did say this.

00:22:32.000 Each time when I come here.

00:22:36.000 Each time I come here, I'm abused.

00:22:38.000 Each time when I come here, I am abused.

00:22:43.000 Yeah, we're abused by your grammar.

00:22:45.000 So we're even...

00:22:46.000 What do you mean you're abused?

00:22:48.000 I'm abusing.

00:22:50.000 Someone slaps you?

00:22:52.000 Where's my fucking dinner, bitch?

00:22:54.000 From toilet paper to candy bars.

00:22:55.000 Companies hide rising costs by shrinking the size of everyday products.

00:23:00.000 Here is what they look like.

00:23:01.000 Now, this is a cool list.

00:23:03.000 And you've probably noticed this.

00:23:05.000 But Walmart great value paper towels went from 168 sheets to only 120.

00:23:09.000 That's pretty good.

00:23:09.000 What are you doing, Ryan?

00:23:10.000 Prices stayed the same.

00:23:11.000 When did this become consumer reports?

00:23:14.000 This is boring.

00:23:14.000 Just letting you know.

00:23:15.000 Look at this.

00:23:16.000 Why did you hijack the show to talk about the size of a Hershey's Kiss?

00:23:21.000 What are you doing?

00:23:22.000 This is real people blue-collar stuff.

00:23:25.000 Yeah, you don't have permission to hijack the show with your boring consumer reports.

00:23:29.000 I figured the Pyrex combo is...

00:23:31.000 Pyrex we could deal with.

00:23:32.000 That's relevant to the show.

00:23:34.000 But now the size of a tin of cat food.

00:23:38.000 And a kin of tat food, too.

00:23:40.000 And by the way, I saw you on Maddie's show call peas corn.

00:23:45.000 That's...

00:23:46.000 That's not...

00:23:47.000 That's true.

00:23:48.000 True.

00:23:49.000 Who the hell?

00:23:52.000 Let me give you a little...

00:23:53.000 And the corn.

00:23:53.000 Let me give you a life tip.

00:23:55.000 If the corn that you're eating is green and perfectly spherical, it's a pea.

00:24:01.000 Oh.

00:24:02.000 Yeah.

00:24:02.000 If it's yellow and it burns your tongue, it's urine.

00:24:07.000 Okay.

00:24:09.000 Now I'm going to take a really particularly juicy piece, mix it with the taters, a little bit of corn.

00:24:15.000 Corn?

00:24:16.000 Those are peas, pal.

00:24:17.000 What a meathead.

00:24:18.000 I said corn.

00:24:19.000 Those are peas, pal.

00:24:20.000 What a pee.

00:24:21.000 A pea brand.

00:24:22.000 Those are peas, pal.

00:24:24.000 Who looks at peas and goes, a little bit of corn?

00:24:26.000 A little bit of corn?

00:24:28.000 Who's in the moment?

00:24:29.000 I'm a real new metal fan.

00:24:32.000 What a fucking meathead.

00:24:34.000 We have a little more super chattage here.

00:24:37.000 All right, let's do the super chats.

00:24:39.000 Okay.

00:24:40.000 Any second now.

00:24:42.000 Ryan, shut up.

00:24:44.000 You don't have a normal IQ.

00:24:46.000 Whoops.

00:24:47.000 You think that peas are corn and vice versa.

00:24:51.000 And then, as Larry Barnes would say, and versus vice.

00:24:54.000 Ryan, don't post.

00:24:55.000 Don't post this.

00:24:55.000 Look up on YouTube Jacob Zuma each time when I come here.

00:24:58.000 I'm abused.

00:24:59.000 We just played that.

00:25:00.000 Thank you, Ryan.

00:25:01.000 And I showed it.

00:25:02.000 Sorry.

00:25:02.000 Okay.

00:25:03.000 Good work.

00:25:04.000 Good work, Rye Guy.

00:25:05.000 Thank you for contributing to the show.

00:25:07.000 I want that guy to get credit.

00:25:08.000 Let's.

00:25:10.000 Well, if they ask not to get credit, maybe don't give him credit.

00:25:13.000 Here's a good one, actually.

00:25:15.000 Yes, I know Kev Won very well from Bulldoze.

00:25:18.000 What's Bulldoze?

00:25:19.000 It's a hardcore band.

00:25:21.000 Oh.

00:25:22.000 He used to be in DMS, and he was a member of my charter, actually.

00:25:28.000 He was a member of New Rock Hells Angels?

00:25:30.000 Yeah.

00:25:31.000 Give us the juice.

00:25:32.000 Give us the gos.

00:25:33.000 Well, his name is Kevin.

00:25:35.000 Kev one.

00:25:36.000 He was the lead singer of Bulldoze.

00:25:38.000 And I spoke to him actually about two or three days ago.

00:25:41.000 Really?

00:25:42.000 Of course.

00:25:44.000 Is he still in the club?

00:25:46.000 No, he's living down in South Carolina.

00:25:49.000 And why did he leave the club?

00:25:52.000 I'm not 100% sure.

00:25:54.000 It was after your time?

00:25:55.000 No, he left before me.

00:25:56.000 Oh, okay.

00:25:58.000 Yeah.

00:25:59.000 Now, I notice you're very diplomatic and careful when the club, the motorcycle club, comes up.

00:26:04.000 I'm reluctant to even say its name.

00:26:06.000 Always.

00:26:07.000 But can you still give us some juice?

00:26:09.000 Any gossip?

00:26:10.000 I mean, he left before me.

00:26:13.000 I'm still in touch with him.

00:26:14.000 Like I said, I spoke to him literally like.

00:26:16.000 Yeah, that's not interesting.

00:26:17.000 We want gossip.

00:26:18.000 I don't know much is going on.

00:26:20.000 I mean, he's still, he's selling his t-shirt collection of hardcore t-shirts.

00:26:23.000 Does he have any allergies?

00:26:25.000 I don't know.

00:26:26.000 Okay.

00:26:26.000 But yeah, his name, I mean, I don't want to say his last name, but his first name is Kevin.

00:26:30.000 He's married, got two kids, lives in South Carolina.

00:26:34.000 Great dude.

00:26:34.000 Good dude.

00:26:35.000 What kind of motives you like to hook up with him?

00:26:37.000 He moved out.

00:26:37.000 He's been away.

00:26:39.000 What?

00:26:39.000 Been to state prison in New York and all that good stuff.

00:26:42.000 For what?

00:26:43.000 Assault.

00:26:44.000 Did about four years for it.

00:26:46.000 Big dude.

00:26:47.000 Stand-up guy.

00:26:48.000 He's got a bad temper?

00:26:50.000 At times, yeah.

00:26:51.000 Does he have a gene?

00:26:52.000 What was the assault that he went to jail for?

00:26:54.000 Should he have beat the shit out of that guy?

00:26:57.000 Okay, here's what they...

00:26:58.000 Here we go.

00:26:58.000 His hardcore name is Kev 1.

00:27:01.000 Right.

00:27:01.000 But his nickname that everyone knows him in the street is called Breeze.

00:27:05.000 Febreeze?

00:27:06.000 No, just Breeze.

00:27:08.000 Oh, Breeze.

00:27:08.000 Yeah.

00:27:09.000 I thought it was Febreeze because he's always so clean.

00:27:12.000 So fresh and so clean.

00:27:14.000 Yeah, he's a good friend of mine.

00:27:14.000 I know he's a bad man.

00:27:15.000 So why is he called Breeze on the street?

00:27:18.000 I don't know why.

00:27:20.000 I'm still going to know why.

00:27:22.000 And I think I don't know why.

00:27:24.000 How do you get your nickname?

00:27:25.000 I don't know.

00:27:25.000 Someone gives it to you.

00:27:27.000 Well, we know why you're called Baby Monster.

00:27:29.000 Yeah.

00:27:29.000 I know that, you know.

00:27:30.000 Because you have the dimensions of a baby and a very short fuse.

00:27:34.000 Yeah, but I have multiple.

00:27:36.000 I have like short stack, itty bitty, little angry guy, head and shoulders, Maddie No Neck.

00:27:41.000 I got a slew of them.

00:27:42.000 Maddie BT.

00:27:44.000 Yeah.

00:27:45.000 Maddie Blowtorch, yeah.

00:27:46.000 I know why.

00:27:47.000 And I think I know why.

00:27:48.000 Why were you called Maddie Blowtorch?

00:27:50.000 Maybe I ran a blowtorch up someone's feet or inside of their face.

00:27:54.000 Yeah, you know, just a little single.

00:27:56.000 You used to blowtorch as a torture device.

00:27:58.000 Map device.

00:27:59.000 Map gas, yeah.

00:27:59.000 Blowtorcher.

00:28:00.000 I see.

00:28:02.000 Years ago.

00:28:03.000 As one does.

00:28:05.000 As one does.

00:28:05.000 Sometimes you need to extract information.

00:28:08.000 Oh, I got some exciting news.

00:28:10.000 So we got Vegas and Dallas coming up.

00:28:13.000 I want to say to people on the West Coast, we're not doing the West Coast for a long, fucking time.

00:28:18.000 So if you're in LA, San Francisco, anywhere that's remotely near Las Vegas, I would highly recommend you come to the Las Vegas show.

00:28:27.000 It's going to be super fun, action jam-packed.

00:28:31.000 And then we're going to be out partying with you.

00:28:34.000 Come play poker with us.

00:28:37.000 Blackjack, we're going to be painting the town red the whole night of September 10th.

00:28:44.000 Tinyural.com censored live.

00:28:46.000 So West Coasters, we will make it down to California, Orange County at some point in 2023.

00:28:55.000 But as far as getting on the Cognitive Dissonance Tour, this is your opportunity.

00:28:59.000 And Ryan has put together a pretty impressive update on our previous sizzle reel that I'd like to show you.

00:29:07.000 Nice.

00:29:08.000 Get fired.

00:29:09.000 Get in trouble.

00:29:09.000 Be brave.

00:29:10.000 And never stop fighting.

00:29:15.000 Myland Pokemon Silvery speaker on campus here.

00:29:18.000 Fuck you, Norman.

00:29:19.000 He is a Canadian, writer, actor, comedian.

00:29:22.000 He's the co-founder of Vike.

00:29:23.000 No fuck another vagina, you gross pig.

00:29:38.000 I watched that and I said, this shit's too much of the fucking shit.

00:29:42.000 They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.

00:29:46.000 This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.

00:29:54.000 No more filthy.

00:29:56.000 You can they think we want to tell those kind of jokes.

00:30:10.000 Seems exciting, huh?

00:30:11.000 Yeah, cinematic.

00:30:12.000 Nice.

00:30:13.000 All right, let's advertise our last sponsor, which is Johnny Apple CBD.

00:30:21.000 They've been with us since day one.

00:30:23.000 Fantastic sponsor, selling us hemp products without the THC, without the illegal parts.

00:30:29.000 You've got your tincture taking the edge out of your coffee.

00:30:33.000 You've got your topicals helping your aching bones.

00:30:38.000 Ladies, if you're wearing high-heel shoes, put those on.

00:30:41.000 You've got the gummies that make you sleep through the night and have fucking amazing dreams.

00:30:47.000 Like, you should probably bring some popcorn to bed so you can sit there and watch the incredible trilogy of adventure and science fiction that goes on in your brain when you take a gummy before going to bed.

00:31:00.000 There's also the, I've never tried this, but Ryan's a huge enthusiast of the vapes.

00:31:05.000 The little cartridges, right, Ryan?

00:31:07.000 That's your area of expertise?

00:31:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:31:08.000 I love all things vape.

00:31:10.000 And, you know, this one has a scallone crossbones on it.

00:31:14.000 This one will get you ripped.

00:31:15.000 This one won't.

00:31:16.000 This one will just relax you.

00:31:18.000 And trust me, after these boxing workouts, you could use a little bit of poof.

00:31:22.000 I'll puff now.

00:31:24.000 Wait, after you work out boxing, you smoke a really potent non-THC hemp vape from johnnyapple.com.

00:31:34.000 Yeah.

00:31:34.000 And it calms down your muscles and it chills you up.

00:31:37.000 Calms down your muscles.

00:31:38.000 Yeah.

00:31:39.000 Okay, so you're not watching this show for scientific facts.

00:31:43.000 You're watching this show for opinions and experience.

00:31:47.000 And apparently this guy thinks that smoking Johnny Apple calms down his muscles.

00:31:52.000 We don't know what the fuck that means.

00:31:53.000 But if you go to johnnyapple.com, use promo code Gavin, you will get a 15% discount, like with all our sponsors.

00:32:02.000 And my pitch with this is, if you're a CBD guy, why get CBD from someone who doesn't support free speech?

00:32:09.000 What if you're buying CBD from someone who thinks Biden is really good at speaking English?

00:32:15.000 And Kamala Harris has some great sayings.

00:32:18.000 Why are you pouring money into asshole retard culture?

00:32:22.000 Why not pour money into someone who supported free speech since day one?

00:32:26.000 I'm not saying they're political, but they Are against political correctness, and they're clearly supporting something that could get them in trouble.

00:32:36.000 And they don't give a shit.

00:32:38.000 They happily support this show, and we appreciate them for it.

00:32:42.000 Much like Nita Fashions, who has also been there since day one.

00:32:46.000 So thank you, johnnyapple.com and folks at home.

00:32:49.000 Please support johnnyapple.com.

00:32:52.000 Support JohnnyApple CBD.

00:32:53.000 Use promo code Gavin to get 15% off.

00:32:56.000 It's fucking awesome.

00:33:01.000 All right, let's do the mailbag interstitial.

00:33:05.000 And then that gives us permission to harness all three avenues of input, which is super chats, the mailbag, and the calls.

00:33:20.000 There's probably another one I'm running.

00:33:25.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:33:31.000 Let me touch it.

00:33:36.000 Okay, that seems pretty chaotic.

00:33:42.000 What do we got here?

00:33:45.000 Let's put in Maddie because a lot of people will send us messages on like Friday.

00:33:52.000 And by the time Thursday rolls around, the Maddie message is long gong.

00:33:57.000 Long gong.

00:33:59.000 This is to you, Maddie.

00:34:01.000 Yo, boys, got a few recommendations.

00:34:03.000 Beef stew.

00:34:04.000 Oh, yeah, that's coming.

00:34:06.000 In the winter.

00:34:07.000 Philly cheesesteak.

00:34:09.000 Chopped cheese, yeah.

00:34:10.000 My problem with Philly cheesesteak is I hate American cheese.

00:34:15.000 I don't even think it's.

00:34:16.000 Traditionally, it's Provolone.

00:34:17.000 Is there any dairy in...

00:34:18.000 Oh, it's traditionally Provolone?

00:34:20.000 Yeah.

00:34:20.000 Because when you get it in Philly, it's the movie theater cheese, that fucking orange garbage.

00:34:25.000 Is that even cheese?

00:34:27.000 No, it's probably like plastic.

00:34:29.000 Yeah, I don't think there's dairy in it.

00:34:30.000 It's not plastic.

00:34:32.000 It's like maraschino cherries.

00:34:35.000 American cheese, yellow and white, are like molecules away from plastic.

00:34:39.000 Yeah.

00:34:39.000 Real dairy.

00:34:42.000 I'm never buying popcorn in a movie theater ever.

00:34:44.000 When I do Philly cheesesteaks, I use propoone.

00:34:47.000 Now, here's a question.

00:34:49.000 Are maraschino cherries man-made?

00:34:52.000 I'm not 100%.

00:34:54.000 I use Luxador.

00:34:56.000 I think they're completely artificial, like 100%.

00:34:59.000 They look like radiating red, like neon.

00:35:03.000 Yeah, they're blinding.

00:35:04.000 Like, I use, like, the cherries I use in drinks, like Manhattan's or old-fashions and stuff, are Luxador.

00:35:12.000 What do you mean when you use at your home bar?

00:35:14.000 You have mats to have?

00:35:16.000 Well, you know, I've been known to make a Manhattan.

00:35:18.000 Washington recently to see how many.

00:35:19.000 And old-fashioned every now and then.

00:35:22.000 Where?

00:35:23.000 On vacation and stuff like that.

00:35:24.000 Oh, right.

00:35:26.000 I don't really drink at my home.

00:35:28.000 No, you don't?

00:35:28.000 No.

00:35:29.000 I don't keep any beer or alcohol actually in there.

00:35:32.000 I actually have some homemade rum that was brought up from the South.

00:35:38.000 I got yesterday.

00:35:40.000 From it's like moonshine.

00:35:42.000 It's clear, but it's actually rum made from molasses and stuff.

00:35:48.000 Who brought that up?

00:35:49.000 Billy.

00:35:50.000 Oh.

00:35:51.000 Nicole's husband.

00:35:53.000 So wait, are those cherries, real cherries from real life?

00:35:57.000 Luxador, yeah.

00:35:58.000 After the cherries are pitted, they're placed in large bags where they receive their coveted color and flavor.

00:36:03.000 Oh, okay.

00:36:04.000 So those at least are real.

00:36:06.000 I guess I'm wrong.

00:36:07.000 Yeah, but it's artificially colored.

00:36:09.000 That's fine.

00:36:09.000 I don't mind that.

00:36:10.000 They just have to come from a real thing.

00:36:12.000 Ryan, look up Luxador.

00:36:15.000 Cherries.

00:36:17.000 Just to continue this request, Maddie.

00:36:20.000 Yes.

00:36:21.000 He wants some kind of tacos.

00:36:23.000 That's boring.

00:36:23.000 I don't know.

00:36:24.000 I love traditional tacos, but...

00:36:26.000 I fucking hate Mexican food.

00:36:27.000 I think it's all stupid.

00:36:29.000 And it's hard to eat.

00:36:31.000 There you go.

00:36:32.000 Those are the real ones.

00:36:33.000 Those are the real deals.

00:36:34.000 Cherries.

00:36:35.000 That's like $20 a jar for that little.

00:36:37.000 Something in a slow cooker, this person says.

00:36:40.000 I'll do split pea soup with ham hocks.

00:36:44.000 I love corn soup.

00:36:46.000 Am I the only guy that gets horny when you say split pea soup with ham hocks in it?

00:36:50.000 Oh, it's phenomenal.

00:36:51.000 Isn't that what heterosexual sex is?

00:36:53.000 Phenomenal.

00:36:55.000 Smoked ham hocks.

00:36:57.000 Okay, this guy is getting way too much attention for such a shitty email.

00:37:02.000 And questions/slash requests for both Maddie and Ryan.

00:37:06.000 I'm not invited to this.

00:37:07.000 Uh-oh.

00:37:07.000 What is your favorite beer, gentlemen?

00:37:11.000 I don't drink.

00:37:12.000 I drink Budweiser.

00:37:13.000 On a regular.

00:37:15.000 Can you juggle?

00:37:16.000 He wants you to juggle.

00:37:17.000 No.

00:37:18.000 No.

00:37:19.000 What is 7 times 13, Maddie?

00:37:21.000 7 times 13?

00:37:23.000 Yep.

00:37:26.000 It's 121.

00:37:28.000 That's a good technique.

00:37:29.000 You just used Gavin's technique.

00:37:31.000 7 times 13?

00:37:32.000 What are you, a madman?

00:37:33.000 What's my one?

00:37:34.000 What's the question again?

00:37:36.000 Yeah.

00:37:36.000 So 7 times 10 is 70.

00:37:38.000 7 times 3 is 21.

00:37:40.000 91.

00:37:41.000 91.

00:37:42.000 91.

00:37:43.000 Ah, shit.

00:37:44.000 Never do math in public.

00:37:46.000 No.

00:37:46.000 You know how much salt that would have been?

00:37:51.000 Oh, my God.

00:37:52.000 It came out of my nose.

00:37:53.000 We got a spit take.

00:37:54.000 That's the first spit take on the show, I believe.

00:37:56.000 Oh.

00:37:57.000 Wait, what did you say?

00:37:58.000 I missed that.

00:37:59.000 I said that.

00:38:00.000 You don't have to know how much salt that would have been?

00:38:01.000 Because I fucking know.

00:38:02.000 Oh, there's the brine.

00:38:04.000 Oh, my God.

00:38:05.000 That beer came out of my nose.

00:38:06.000 That is awesome.

00:38:09.000 This is for Maddie as well as Bossman and Horseshack.

00:38:12.000 Was this biker approved back in the day?

00:38:15.000 Circa 2005, I thought this man was a god.

00:38:17.000 Now I am questioning my own taste and morals.

00:38:19.000 Could it be why I chose a shitty musician husband?

00:38:22.000 Oh, it's from a lady.

00:38:24.000 And a few wasted years after with the same type?

00:38:28.000 Or is he the sexiest badass motherfucker who can sing his ass off?

00:38:33.000 No worries, Gav.

00:38:34.000 I raised kids till adulthood with the hubby.

00:38:37.000 So I guess she's no longer with this guy.

00:38:39.000 And the song is Crazy Bitch from Buck Cherry.

00:38:43.000 Uh-huh.

00:38:44.000 Buck Cherry's great.

00:38:46.000 This is called Maddie.

00:38:48.000 Is this gay or an example of the best cocaine?

00:38:50.000 But why is she asking Maddie?

00:38:51.000 Is this a Hell's Angels song?

00:38:53.000 Well, no, Buck Cherry, their first major single was I Love the Cocaine.

00:38:57.000 Oh, but does that have anything to do With Hell's Angels.

00:39:02.000 But was she married to the lead singer?

00:39:05.000 Oh, no.

00:39:07.000 So, how would I know about her husband?

00:39:10.000 Yeah, I thought it was like a Hell's Angels band.

00:39:12.000 That would be a good question.

00:39:13.000 Buck Cherry.

00:39:15.000 He married some super hot model, though.

00:39:18.000 That's a dumb.

00:39:20.000 You know what?

00:39:23.000 I want to get letters that are for you.

00:39:26.000 Yeah, I mean, this all goes, hey, reading non-screen letters that are fucking garbage.

00:39:31.000 Oh, here.

00:39:32.000 Fuck so good.

00:39:32.000 I'm on top of it.

00:39:34.000 Hey, make me feel alright.

00:39:36.000 We're so grateful to be a part of Crew Fest.

00:39:40.000 Molly Crew.

00:39:42.000 We want to give a shout-out to all the bands here today, tonight.

00:39:45.000 Any relation to Marashina or Luxador?

00:39:48.000 Give him a round of applause.

00:39:49.000 Give some love for everybody.

00:39:50.000 Give it up.

00:39:56.000 You guys ready for yourself?

00:39:57.000 This is garbage.

00:39:58.000 This band sucks.

00:40:01.000 Oh, he's jerking off with a microphone.

00:40:03.000 Wow, how cool.

00:40:06.000 Look at his stupid shoes.

00:40:08.000 He looks like the default singer and guitar hero.

00:40:10.000 LA.

00:40:11.000 This is why I hate LA.

00:40:13.000 This band is so LA.

00:40:18.000 Like, they had two massive hits like this.

00:40:20.000 Crazy bitch and I love the cocaine.

00:40:24.000 This is the song that, like, look at his retarded tattoos.

00:40:31.000 Are you ready to get sexy?

00:40:33.000 Dude, you've been ready.

00:40:34.000 I'm not ready to get sexy, no.

00:40:36.000 No, we're not.

00:40:37.000 Men aren't sexy, you moron.

00:40:41.000 Ew.

00:40:42.000 Like a fucking salt shaker.

00:40:45.000 Salt shaker.

00:40:46.000 Fucking salt shaker.

00:40:49.000 Yeah.

00:40:51.000 This is horrible.

00:40:54.000 I hate these guys' parents.

00:40:56.000 They're heroin chic.

00:40:58.000 I hate their parking spot.

00:41:01.000 I hate the person who watches their socks.

00:41:05.000 Look at that.

00:41:06.000 Playing the fucking neck of a guitar.

00:41:09.000 I hate the short order cook who made their fucking carrots.

00:41:15.000 I've never watched Buck Cherry before.

00:41:17.000 They've never been part of my life.

00:41:19.000 Yeah, they are good guitar heroes.

00:41:20.000 He looks like the lead singer of the.

00:41:22.000 Yeah, they look like a band from Guitar Hero.

00:41:24.000 Great point, Ryan.

00:41:26.000 Finally, you say something that's not retarded.

00:41:27.000 Thank you, sir.

00:41:28.000 They are pure Guitar Hero.

00:41:30.000 Holy shit.

00:41:32.000 I mean, the Dragon introduced a song out for like hours.

00:41:36.000 It's their big hit, man.

00:41:37.000 I mean, you know.

00:41:38.000 Look at his sexy dance.

00:41:40.000 There's nothing worse than men being sexy.

00:41:42.000 I love the crazy.

00:41:43.000 I mean, I love the cocaine.

00:41:44.000 It's a bigger hit than that.

00:41:46.000 Like, what's his name?

00:41:47.000 Bruno Mars?

00:41:49.000 With his little fedora?

00:41:52.000 Don't believe me.

00:41:52.000 Just watch.

00:41:55.000 What's worse than men being sexy?

00:41:58.000 Like, I honestly prefer drag queens and trannies.

00:42:01.000 At least they have already lost their minds.

00:42:03.000 But a man, a man being a sexy guy and talking, and fucking singing about sex is fucking gross.

00:42:12.000 Like that song, you can leave your hat on.

00:42:16.000 Oh, he's rapping.

00:42:23.000 You want to rehearse that?

00:42:24.000 This is kindergarten.

00:42:25.000 Everything.

00:42:27.000 This is a daycare.

00:42:33.000 Jesus.

00:42:35.000 This is not acceptable.

00:42:39.000 I disavow this.

00:42:41.000 The doors used to do shit just like this, but it's just, it was good because torture, what's up?

00:42:48.000 This is torture.

00:42:49.000 This is bad, yeah.

00:42:50.000 This is hell.

00:42:52.000 You know who else acts sexy?

00:42:53.000 Fucking this guy, rest in peace.

00:42:54.000 David Lee Ross.

00:42:57.000 What's his name again?

00:42:58.000 David Letterman?

00:42:58.000 Yeah.

00:42:59.000 I'm so fucking constantly acting sexy.

00:43:02.000 Hey, God, David.

00:43:03.000 You're not sexy, Dave.

00:43:07.000 Don't touch the pilots.

00:43:09.000 Bye-bye.

00:43:09.000 He was always a sexy slithering man.

00:43:14.000 This is the joke at the end of that Jack Black movie.

00:43:18.000 Chillo, it's a bass, School of Rock, where they lose to the sexy band.

00:43:22.000 It's been well established that male sexy singers...

00:43:25.000 Remember that guy?

00:43:26.000 He had a shirt that was like leather sleeves and then the front of it didn't exist?

00:43:32.000 Scott Wyland?

00:43:34.000 I think it was a fuck you to Scott Wyland.

00:43:36.000 But it's the band at the end of School of Rock that they lose to.

00:43:40.000 Yeah, yeah, let me see.

00:43:42.000 Terrible?

00:43:43.000 All right, let's, while you find that, because it's worth checking out, we should start taking calls.

00:43:49.000 Actually, let's say goodbye.

00:43:52.000 Let's say goodbye to the people here.

00:43:55.000 I'm supposed to do a Nita Fashions read.

00:43:58.000 I'll do that on Monday.

00:44:01.000 Fantastic clothing store.

00:44:03.000 They make all my suits.

00:44:04.000 They make life worth living.

00:44:06.000 Especially in the summer when they make you a nice linen suit or a light blue, thin suit where you can go to work.

00:44:14.000 NitaFashions.com, check them out.

00:44:15.000 I'll do a more serious read later.

00:44:20.000 Yep, I appreciate that, Ryan.

00:44:22.000 But I also want to find the sexy guy.

00:44:25.000 I love sexy guys.

00:44:26.000 Looking for the sex master.

00:44:28.000 The big show, five minutes, we might be able to find that.

00:44:32.000 Just like competition winners school of rock.

00:44:37.000 If you want to say the painter, maybe you just bear up on the page.

00:44:42.000 I cried like a bitch in this movie.

00:44:44.000 Great movie.

00:44:45.000 He was trying to be Angus there, though.

00:44:47.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 But the school boy thing?

00:44:50.000 Yeah.

00:44:54.000 Google Image School of Rock competition winners.

00:45:00.000 That seems obvious to me.

00:45:03.000 Should we do no?

00:45:04.000 If we do the interstitial for thanks for calling, does that change the background?

00:45:13.000 No.

00:45:13.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it does.

00:45:14.000 It turns it into a...

00:45:16.000 Oh, here we go.

00:45:19.000 No, we don't want that.

00:45:20.000 We don't want that gay shit.

00:45:22.000 All those kids are fucked up now, by the way.

00:45:24.000 They all got addicted to drugs.

00:45:27.000 Kids should not be famous.

00:45:29.000 Being famous is weird.

00:45:31.000 It's weird to walk down the street and have people recognize you.

00:45:34.000 Adults can handle it.

00:45:36.000 Some adults.

00:45:38.000 But kids can't handle it.

00:45:39.000 They get drunk with power.

00:45:41.000 They get high with drugs.

00:45:43.000 And their lives are destroyed.

00:45:44.000 Every kid involved in that movie is an absolute fucking mess.

00:45:49.000 Don't get your kids into Hollywood.

00:45:52.000 Don't get them into movies.

00:45:53.000 All right, Ryan, I'm going to look it up.

00:45:54.000 I got the full movie here.

00:45:56.000 And it's going to go bad for you if I find it.

00:45:59.000 Did they play after Jack Black's band or before?

00:46:01.000 Yes.

00:46:02.000 It doesn't matter.

00:46:03.000 Contest winner.

00:46:04.000 I have the whole.

00:46:05.000 School of Rock.

00:46:08.000 And No Vacancy.

00:46:12.000 That's the name of the band.

00:46:15.000 Gotcha.

00:46:16.000 Okay.

00:46:16.000 So now I'm looking up No Vacancy in quotes.

00:46:20.000 And then I go band and I click Images.

00:46:25.000 And I have tons of pictures of the band No Vacancy.

00:46:30.000 Here I have School of Rock, No Vacancy.

00:46:32.000 I have found it.

00:46:33.000 I am looking at it.

00:46:35.000 I'm doing your job.

00:46:38.000 I got the pictures, and now we'll get the video.

00:46:41.000 Good work, Ryan.

00:46:43.000 Good fucking work.

00:46:45.000 Thank you.

00:46:47.000 Like, Jesus, H. Christ.

00:46:49.000 This guy's been doing this job for so long and he's inept.

00:46:53.000 So it's the guitarist of No Vacancy that I was talking about.

00:46:57.000 But you have no internet because you haven't ironed out that guy.

00:47:00.000 Oh, no, it's just a video.

00:47:01.000 It's just an image.

00:47:02.000 Okay, well, I'm not looking at an image.

00:47:05.000 I'm watching the hunk.

00:47:06.000 School of Rock-No Vacancy, you fucking loser.

00:47:10.000 Okay, okay.

00:47:15.000 No, that's terrible, unacceptable.

00:47:17.000 Tell you what I'll do, Ryan.

00:47:19.000 I'm going to copy this and email it to you.

00:47:23.000 No, I'll text it to you.

00:47:24.000 That is how bad things are.

00:47:27.000 I have to ask you to look things up.

00:47:29.000 You don't do it.

00:47:30.000 Then I find them and then I text them to you on your phone while I'm also talking and entertaining people.

00:47:38.000 It's amazing, sir.

00:47:40.000 It's too much of indecence.

00:47:42.000 Jesus H. Christ on crutch.

00:47:50.000 Why isn't this playing?

00:47:53.000 Oh, this is an internet issue.

00:47:58.000 That's the guy I was talking about in the background.

00:48:00.000 The guitarist guy with just sleeves.

00:48:04.000 As he's undulating in the background with his bass.

00:48:07.000 Like a six-string seahorse.

00:48:10.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:48:11.000 That is Buck Cherry.

00:48:13.000 That is Stone Temple Pilots.

00:48:16.000 That's all Ryan's favorite bands.

00:48:20.000 Nickelback.

00:48:22.000 No, they don't slither.

00:48:23.000 Excuse you.

00:48:24.000 They don't slither.

00:48:24.000 No, they don't.

00:48:25.000 They all slither.

00:48:26.000 All that grun shit.

00:48:27.000 No, they don't.

00:48:28.000 They don't slither at all.

00:48:29.000 Soundgarden.

00:48:30.000 They all fucking slither.

00:48:32.000 No, they don't.

00:48:33.000 Soundgarden does not slither.

00:48:34.000 Sorry.

00:48:35.000 You're wrong, and I'm right.

00:48:37.000 Like that.

00:48:40.000 Yeah, he's slithering his way into the abyss.

00:48:43.000 He's slithering out of this mortal coil.

00:48:46.000 My son is in there.

00:48:47.000 He's 10 years old.

00:48:48.000 My son's in there.

00:48:48.000 He's 10.

00:48:49.000 My son's in there.

00:48:50.000 He's 10 years old.

00:48:50.000 He's going to become a drug addict because he got too famous.

00:48:54.000 Let's do one call and then get behind the paywall.

00:48:57.000 Okay.

00:48:58.000 Well, we'll have to thank people for calling, you know.

00:49:01.000 Yeah, let's do it.

00:49:02.000 Here we go.

00:49:02.000 Thanks, guys.

00:49:04.000 You are on air.

00:49:08.000 This is a fucking loser.

00:49:10.000 You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.

00:49:13.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:49:15.000 You have one thing.

00:49:16.000 Thank you for calling.

00:49:17.000 It was great hearing from you.

00:49:18.000 Bye-bye.

00:49:19.000 All right, next call.

00:49:24.000 This is a weird one.

00:49:25.000 A weird letter, Ryan.

00:49:26.000 I mean, Maddie.

00:49:28.000 There's a bar I've been frequenting called Hellgate on the park in Astoria, Queens.

00:49:36.000 There's a group of bikers that are always there.

00:49:38.000 Are you familiar with this crew?

00:49:40.000 I can't tell if these guys are old guys with Harleys or if they are indeed guys I should be careful around.

00:49:45.000 I like hanging out there because it's a Trump bar and they seem to like me, but my mouth has gotten me into trouble before with them.

00:49:54.000 I realized I'm a soft-handed faggot with good intentions, so they gave me a pass.

00:49:58.000 I made a bad joke that landed horrifically.

00:50:00.000 I mean, I don't know the name of the club.

00:50:02.000 I mean, there's tons of clubs in Queens.

00:50:03.000 You got the ghetto coalition.

00:50:04.000 You got regular guys that hang out with the major clubs.

00:50:08.000 So you never heard of a bar called Hellgate?

00:50:11.000 Hellgate?

00:50:11.000 Not off the top of my head, no.

00:50:12.000 Okay, good.

00:50:16.000 Tim Poole just stopped his live stream with Ariel Pink and Alex Lee Moyer after 10 minutes.

00:50:21.000 Ariel was talking about how cancellation doesn't work and the government will have to start killing people.

00:50:26.000 And Tim got all cocked and stopped the stream.

00:50:29.000 Ooh, that's juicy gossip.

00:50:31.000 Really?

00:50:33.000 What if he fucking?

00:50:34.000 Shut it down.

00:50:37.000 Are you chilling for the government?

00:50:41.000 I got the calls up.

00:50:43.000 And how you doing, Ryan?

00:50:45.000 Doing good?

00:50:46.000 I've already watched the entire clip, by the way.

00:50:48.000 I'm probably not setting up calls.

00:50:50.000 What?

00:50:50.000 You're probably not setting up calls.

00:50:51.000 Crazy.

00:50:53.000 You have to kill them.

00:50:54.000 No.

00:50:55.000 Well, no, you don't.

00:50:56.000 No, I'm saying canceling is not the answer.

00:50:59.000 No.

00:51:00.000 You really need to allow people to communicate.

00:51:03.000 It's so important.

00:51:03.000 Even people in prison.

00:51:04.000 I think their prison reform is so important that people have access to the outside world still and are able to communicate with their families.

00:51:11.000 Isolation.

00:51:12.000 They vote.

00:51:13.000 You know, we fought for their right to vote.

00:51:15.000 No, they don't.

00:51:16.000 I just shut it down.

00:51:17.000 No, they don't.

00:51:18.000 There's two states in the United States that allow people to get out of the way.

00:51:19.000 Force people underground and expect them not to go crazy.

00:51:22.000 Like you can do it.

00:51:22.000 And I feel like they're not.

00:51:25.000 No.

00:51:25.000 Well, no, you don't.

00:51:27.000 No, I'm saying I'm not.

00:51:28.000 It looped already.

00:51:29.000 He said he's going to shut it down.

00:51:30.000 Oh, wow.

00:51:32.000 Shut it down.

00:51:33.000 Why?

00:51:34.000 What even.

00:51:35.000 Was he a little bitch?

00:51:37.000 That was weird.

00:51:41.000 All right, let's take a call and then say goodbye.

00:51:44.000 Okay.

00:51:45.000 We have.

00:51:46.000 Oh, is your mic on?

00:51:48.000 Oh, shit.

00:51:49.000 I don't have a mic.

00:51:50.000 Yeah, it's on your wire.

00:51:52.000 No, it's not.

00:51:52.000 Oh, your microwave.

00:51:53.000 About your microwave.

00:51:56.000 Yeah, your microwave.

00:51:57.000 We got Mark on line two.

00:51:58.000 We got my refrigerator, everything.

00:52:00.000 267.

00:52:02.000 You're on till 11.

00:52:03.000 Go ahead, 267.

00:52:04.000 Hello.

00:52:05.000 What's going on?

00:52:06.000 Hey, what's up?

00:52:06.000 That was.

00:52:08.000 Can you guys hear me?

00:52:09.000 I got this fucking Bluetooth on.

00:52:12.000 Yeah, why don't you just talk on the phone normal?

00:52:14.000 Why use the Bluetooth?

00:52:17.000 I'm using my hands right now.

00:52:18.000 I'm watching you guys, so I'm getting a little.

00:52:21.000 What are you doing with your hands?

00:52:24.000 You know, stuff.

00:52:26.000 No, I don't know stuff.

00:52:28.000 I hate Bluetooth.

00:52:29.000 They're for retail.

00:52:30.000 I'm working.

00:52:31.000 I'm working.

00:52:31.000 I'm making some t-shirts right now.

00:52:34.000 Okay, that's fair.

00:52:36.000 What do you want?

00:52:38.000 Yeah, I saw this thing earlier today, and I wanted to get your opinion on how weak and pandering they are with this Bridney Granger chick.

00:52:49.000 You know, they're negotiating a deal with some Russian orange dealers for her and someone else.

00:52:57.000 You know, it's just because she's a lesbian black female.

00:53:03.000 Like, you know, that's like their target audience.

00:53:08.000 The guy they are negotiating, the guy that they are willing to set free is basically a Batman villain.

00:53:15.000 You could not get worse than this fucking dude.

00:53:17.000 Major arms dealer.

00:53:19.000 I was in MCC with him.

00:53:21.000 No way.

00:53:22.000 Yeah.

00:53:23.000 All right.

00:53:23.000 Thanks for calling.

00:53:24.000 Calling.

00:53:24.000 Victor Boot.

00:53:25.000 You were in MCC with this guy?

00:53:27.000 Yeah, I was there when he came.

00:53:29.000 He's one of our biggest catches as far as international terrorism goes.

00:53:35.000 And we're like, we really don't want this vape pen chick to have a bad month.

00:53:39.000 Yeah.

00:53:42.000 The number 25,000 is in my head for some reason.

00:53:45.000 Yeah, that guy.

00:53:47.000 Yeah.

00:53:47.000 He's like our best catch ever.

00:53:50.000 Victor Boot.

00:53:51.000 Let him rot.

00:53:52.000 Did you ever talk to him?

00:53:54.000 No.

00:53:55.000 Because even I was in the shoe at the same time in MCC, different from MDC.

00:54:00.000 Where Jeffrey Epstein was killed.

00:54:02.000 Yes, MCC.

00:54:03.000 Same shoe where Epstein hung himself.

00:54:06.000 Victor Boot was there when I was there also.

00:54:08.000 Hanged, and he didn't hang.

00:54:10.000 No, but the shoe was on the ninth floor.

00:54:14.000 And then you had where the terrorists and all the international people were on 10.

00:54:19.000 It was just a staircase that went up.

00:54:21.000 It wasn't like a real floor.

00:54:23.000 It was like a split level.

00:54:24.000 Right.

00:54:24.000 And they kept all the super international criminals up there.

00:54:30.000 But yeah, he was there when I was there.

00:54:31.000 Victor Boot.

00:54:32.000 Joe Biden is so fucking useless.

00:54:34.000 Here's how you get that vape pen chick back.

00:54:37.000 You say, give me the vape pen chick now.

00:54:40.000 You don't go, here's Russia's Osama bin Laden.

00:54:44.000 You don't trade Victor Boot for a basketball player.

00:54:47.000 No.

00:54:48.000 Sorry.

00:54:48.000 It's simple math.

00:54:49.000 Like, if we were pressing, you don't negotiate with Twitter.

00:54:51.000 If we were doing like fantasy football, but it was fantasy prisoner exchange, that would be, you'd lose the game.

00:54:57.000 Don't negotiate with terrorists.

00:55:00.000 This may overlap with tomorrow's episode because tomorrow's pre-recorded.

00:55:03.000 All right, we should get behind the paywall now.

00:55:05.000 We've given these people way too much free content.

00:55:08.000 So we are officially closing the free portion of the show.

00:55:12.000 We're going to continue to read super chats, talk to people, and read emails.

00:55:17.000 Thursday is getting in touch with the people day.

00:55:20.000 But as far as freebies, we're done with you.

00:55:24.000 So get fired.

00:55:25.000 Get in trouble.

00:55:26.000 Be brave.

00:55:27.000 Unt never stop fighting.

00:55:57.000 You know what to do when you want, and I'm sorry.

00:56:03.000 They couldn't carry a tube to save their life.

00:56:14.000 I am gay.

00:56:17.000 I am disabled.

00:56:21.000 I am a woman.

00:56:22.000 I am black.

00:56:30.000 Come on, now, dog.

00:56:32.000 Come on, man.

00:56:42.000 Jose, you control all his food and environment.

00:56:45.000 And my fucking boss, the CEO, wait, we're wasting gold here, Maddie.

00:56:52.000 Don't leave gold filings on the floor.

00:56:54.000 You can't drop nuggets like that, yeah.

00:56:57.000 So what happened when you were in MCC?

00:56:59.000 Oh, when I was in MDC.

00:57:01.000 What's the difference between MCC and MDC?

00:57:04.000 MDC is Metropolitan Detention Center, which is in Brooklyn, Sunnyside.

00:57:09.000 It's on 3rd and 26th.

00:57:12.000 And MCC is Metropolitan Correctional Center, which is on 150 Park Row in Manhattan.

00:57:18.000 Okay.

00:57:19.000 So you're with MCC with the pirate?

00:57:22.000 No, I was in MDC in 2008 to 2009.

00:57:26.000 And the pirate that took over the, one of the pirates that didn't get killed when they took over the Mersk, Alaska.

00:57:33.000 Is that the I Am the Captain Now?

00:57:35.000 The Somalian, yeah.

00:57:37.000 So you were in jail with I Am the Captain Now?

00:57:40.000 Well, I don't know if it was at that exact time.

00:57:41.000 Maybe they killed that guy, yeah.

00:57:43.000 One of the surviving pirates were flown to New York and held in federal court.

00:57:48.000 And Dobby, when I went in 2010 to MCC to finish up my full term, I had to go do all my time because I was violating supervised release.

00:58:00.000 Victor Boot came in then.

00:58:04.000 Well, he's free to go now because someone wanted to smoke pot in Russia.

00:58:07.000 If they let him go, they're nuts.

00:58:09.000 Oh, they're letting him go.

00:58:10.000 They're letting him go.

00:58:11.000 They're absolutely letting him go.

00:58:13.000 And if you recall, folks at home, we warned about this.

00:58:16.000 We said, we want her freed because she's an American, but we don't want to play Victor Boot.

00:58:21.000 We don't want to release Victor Boot.

00:58:23.000 I said that at least two weeks ago.

00:58:25.000 He's the largest arms dealer in the world.

00:58:29.000 It was our best get since the fucking Rosenbergs who got the electric chair for being fucking spies.

00:58:36.000 And here we are going, take the Rosenbergs.

00:58:38.000 Let them go.

00:58:39.000 Here you go, Russia.

00:58:40.000 Enjoy.

00:58:41.000 That's crazy.

00:58:42.000 Fucking crazy, bro.

00:58:44.000 And I don't really care about the actual individual.

00:58:46.000 I just care about how it makes us look.

00:58:50.000 Yeah.

00:58:50.000 Like, I was talking to some dude who was on vacation recently with Secret Service guys, and he was asking him, what's going on with the Secret Service?

00:58:58.000 Like, who's good, who's bad?

00:59:00.000 And they go, everyone sucks now.

00:59:02.000 It's all woke.

00:59:03.000 We were the best.

00:59:04.000 We're not anymore.

00:59:05.000 And he goes, who's good?

00:59:07.000 And the guy goes, the fucking Russians are insane.

00:59:12.000 Like, you go to shoot them, they catch the bullet in the air, and they whip it at your head, and you die.

00:59:17.000 They are the top elites.

00:59:19.000 They're better than us now.

00:59:20.000 He didn't say they're better than us.

00:59:21.000 That's my interpretation of what he said.

00:59:24.000 Please do a better job with Maddie's microphone.

00:59:25.000 Ryan, stop programming the show.

00:59:28.000 I don't know what that means.

00:59:31.000 Are you people having trouble hearing Maddie?

00:59:32.000 It's better if you really eat the mic so that way we don't get to eat the mic.

00:59:38.000 Exactly.

00:59:38.000 And yes.

00:59:41.000 Here's a strange take.

00:59:44.000 Calling Victor Bout a terrorist is fucking bullshit.

00:59:47.000 The guy sold weapons.

00:59:48.000 That's it.

00:59:49.000 It's not his fault that the people he sold them to did bad things.

00:59:52.000 Should gun manufacturers be called terrorists too?

00:59:55.000 What about Tony Stark?

01:00:00.000 Yeah, I would not appreciate that at all.

01:00:03.000 I attend a deal with the book.

01:00:04.000 Tony Stark's a fictional character.

01:00:06.000 I attend a deal.

01:00:07.000 I added the Tony Stark thing into the letter, by the way.

01:00:09.000 Okay.

01:00:10.000 I'm also legit.

01:00:11.000 Gav, whatever happened in the book of the day.

01:00:13.000 I used to, I had all my books at the old studio, so I would just pull one off the shelf and then talk about it.

01:00:19.000 Now they're at my home, and I don't feel like bringing a book in every day.

01:00:24.000 So I kind of dropped it.

01:00:26.000 Cleanse the palette with the darkest red by the agony scene after this crap.

01:00:31.000 I bet this song sucks.

01:00:33.000 I've never heard of any of this.

01:00:34.000 The darkest red by the agony scene.

01:00:36.000 This song is going to reek.

01:00:38.000 It's going to be new metal grunge.

01:00:40.000 It's going to be a huge bummer that we're all going to hate.

01:00:45.000 And.

01:00:51.000 New it.

01:00:54.000 Jump in the middle.

01:01:00.000 Thanks, caller.

01:01:01.000 Thanks for your input.

01:01:02.000 Great job.

01:01:04.000 That's terrible.

01:01:06.000 Jesus Christ.

01:01:08.000 Not a big fan of that.

01:01:09.000 I got to stop taking the Lord's name in vain, but you guys really test my patience.

01:01:12.000 We got 905 on the live.

01:01:13.000 What's up, 905?

01:01:16.000 Big fucking cakes!

01:01:19.000 Big fucking cakes!

01:01:23.000 Yeah, I'm going to come.

01:01:26.000 Nice.

01:01:27.000 I'm going to come.

01:01:29.000 So I was just diagnosed with herpes this week.

01:01:33.000 HPV.

01:01:35.000 Those are two different things, my friend.

01:01:37.000 HPV's a lot of people.

01:01:37.000 There's venereal awards and there's herpes.

01:01:39.000 You got...

01:01:40.000 Which one?

01:01:42.000 Well, I got herpes and they told me to take the HPV vaccine.

01:01:47.000 Oh, that's weird.

01:01:49.000 You're too old.

01:01:49.000 Do you have strong COVID?

01:01:50.000 Fuck that.

01:01:52.000 That's two different things.

01:01:53.000 I guess they're saying you're sexually promiscuous, so you're going to get venereal warts, so you might as well take the venerea warts vaccine because you're a slut.

01:02:01.000 But that's got nothing to do with your herpes.

01:02:03.000 I think the HPV vaccine was taken off because they were giving it to kids between like 14 and 18, that little window slot.

01:02:11.000 And I think it was fucking the kids up.

01:02:12.000 Oh, really?

01:02:13.000 Yeah.

01:02:14.000 I had venereal awards a million times, and I have herpes.

01:02:17.000 They're not that bad.

01:02:18.000 The problem with herpes is something you would talk about.

01:02:21.000 I know you talked about it before.

01:02:23.000 I wanted to hear if you had any stories about it, any tips and tricks about outbreaks, anything.

01:02:28.000 The worst part of all SCDs is they hurt your ears because you get angry phone calls from girls screaming their fucking heads off.

01:02:38.000 Oh, herpes is what?

01:02:40.000 One in six people?

01:02:41.000 Everyone has herpes.

01:02:42.000 You're getting herpes.

01:02:43.000 Just give it up.

01:02:44.000 But, you know, when you're stressed out, you'll get them on your lip and stuff.

01:02:47.000 And it used to be like genital herpes and oral herpes.

01:02:50.000 Because of 69s, it's all the same now.

01:02:53.000 So when your parents are in town, you're going to get oral herpes on the outskirts of your lip because you're stressed out.

01:03:00.000 And as far as your genitalia goes, well, the first outbreak fucking sucks and hurts like shit.

01:03:07.000 But it's like 10 days.

01:03:09.000 And then you get another outbreak in six months.

01:03:11.000 And then you get another outbreak in two years.

01:03:13.000 And then you get another outbreak in six years.

01:03:16.000 And then it's like every seven lifetimes you get an outbreak.

01:03:19.000 Not a big deal.

01:03:20.000 HPV for men is not that big of a deal.

01:03:24.000 No, they blast.

01:03:25.000 When I was a young swinger, they would blast it with liquid nitrogen.

01:03:29.000 When women get it, it's the leading cause of cervical cancer.

01:03:33.000 Yes.

01:03:34.000 But sex is like not a big deal.

01:03:37.000 I was die from throat cancer from it.

01:03:40.000 Oh, really?

01:03:40.000 From eating dirty pussy.

01:03:42.000 Well, that was Michael Douglas, right?

01:03:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:45.000 No, I knew a guy who actually had gotten throat cancer from HPV.

01:03:52.000 Yeah, but like these are sluts.

01:03:53.000 These are whores.

01:03:54.000 These are...

01:03:55.000 Not that I'm not one.

01:03:57.000 Look at that big ass.

01:03:58.000 Look at that big, juicy booty.

01:04:01.000 All right.

01:04:02.000 Thanks for calling.

01:04:04.000 Thanks for calling.

01:04:05.000 Did you see that schlong thing, though?

01:04:07.000 It's trending on Twitter.

01:04:08.000 Did Tucker actually say schlong COVID?

01:04:11.000 That's horrifying.

01:04:12.000 Things that are descriptive or precise, of course, are horrifying to people who want to control your brain because they give you too much information about what things really are.

01:04:21.000 As we said, we like monkeypox.

01:04:23.000 It's a great name.

01:04:25.000 But as long as they're going to change the name, we should have some role in naming it.

01:04:30.000 It shouldn't be left up to Tony Fauci and Deborah Burks.

01:04:32.000 So what should we call it?

01:04:33.000 Democracy Pox?

01:04:35.000 Long COVID?

01:04:42.000 Here comes the joint.

01:04:45.000 Dude, he has reached a new fucking level.

01:04:48.000 What the fuck is going on with that guy?

01:04:51.000 He is a motorcycle out of control.

01:04:55.000 He's a motorcycle with the wobbles.

01:04:58.000 Fucking death wobble.

01:05:00.000 Pank slapping.

01:05:02.000 Trending in the United States.

01:05:03.000 Schlong.

01:05:04.000 Schlong.

01:05:05.000 That's what it is.

01:05:07.000 Yeah, because you're getting fucked.

01:05:09.000 I did not see that, nor did I expect that.

01:05:11.000 Did you expect him to say schlong COVID at all?

01:05:14.000 What percentage of you?

01:05:15.000 No, but the beauty of it is it's perfectly viable as far as censorship goes.

01:05:21.000 Like schlong is not a verboten word.

01:05:24.000 He didn't say cock COVID.

01:05:25.000 57 words.

01:05:27.000 Yeah, it's free.

01:05:29.000 Adam Schiffless.

01:05:30.000 Schlong COVID, dude.

01:05:33.000 Oh, he actually put up a poll.

01:05:37.000 Hunter Hives midterm variant Adam Schiffelis.

01:05:40.000 Schlong COVID wins by a large margin.

01:05:43.000 Awesome.

01:05:44.000 Damn.

01:05:45.000 God bless Tucker.

01:05:48.000 How does anybody hate people who have Tucker or Trump?

01:05:50.000 I don't get it.

01:05:52.000 When I was talking to that bartender at Grand Central, and we're bitching about the State of the Union, and he just goes, and he had no idea that I've ever met Tucker.

01:06:02.000 And he goes, can you believe how fucked we'd be without Tucker?

01:06:06.000 Like, he sees the guy as our savior.

01:06:10.000 He's the guy saying the British are coming, basically.

01:06:14.000 The guitarist from No Vacancy is now a district attorney in Texas.

01:06:19.000 Thank you for that.

01:06:22.000 Here's a letter here.

01:06:24.000 Can't unsee Keith Morris as Chip.

01:06:27.000 Yeah, Keith Morris is Chip Chipperson.

01:06:29.000 I fucking hate that guy.

01:06:31.000 I don't know why I hate him so much.

01:06:34.000 I think I know why.

01:06:35.000 Like, Henry Rollins, Black Flag, those guys practiced eight hours a day, six days a week.

01:06:43.000 When I was in a hardcore cover band, we tried to cover Black Flag and Bad Brains.

01:06:48.000 It was fucking too hard.

01:06:50.000 Like Cro-Megs, with all due respect, Cro-Megs and what's the other big New York band that we used to?

01:06:57.000 Agnostic Front.

01:06:58.000 Agnostic Front.

01:06:59.000 Easy peasy.

01:07:03.000 Like super easy.

01:07:04.000 Bad Brains and Black Flag are jazz.

01:07:06.000 And for some reason, circle jerks are in the same category and they're fucking retard rock.

01:07:12.000 They suck.

01:07:13.000 They only have one good song, which is, what's it called?

01:07:17.000 Out on the streets or whatever.

01:07:18.000 And it's a cover.

01:07:20.000 I hate these guys.

01:07:22.000 And Keith Morris is just a weird loser nerd who has just kept riding this hardcore thing.

01:07:32.000 He's like Tony Hawk.

01:07:34.000 He has Tony Hawk's career, but he can't skate.

01:07:40.000 So that's the video.

01:07:44.000 Now it's people spending hundreds of thousands of dollars making him look cool.

01:07:52.000 He's such a nerd.

01:07:54.000 He shouldn't have one tab of acid in a bag.

01:08:01.000 What?

01:08:02.000 What?

01:08:03.000 Is that how you buy acid?

01:08:04.000 It's in a bag?

01:08:05.000 Who buys one tab?

01:08:07.000 Who the fuck?

01:08:07.000 I want to know.

01:08:08.000 Who again?

01:08:09.000 626.

01:08:10.000 In a bag?

01:08:11.000 You're on the licks.

01:08:12.000 Go ahead, 2626.

01:08:16.000 Hello.

01:08:18.000 Who?

01:08:18.000 You.

01:08:19.000 Who?

01:08:20.000 626.

01:08:22.000 626.

01:08:23.000 Oh, what's up?

01:08:24.000 What's going on?

01:08:24.000 Yo.

01:08:26.000 What's up?

01:08:27.000 Miguel here, and since today you were talking about LA or Hollywood and Mexican food.

01:08:34.000 I'm a Mexican-American in LA that loves Mexican food.

01:08:37.000 So I think you just hate spicy food.

01:08:40.000 You think I hate what?

01:08:41.000 What was the last part?

01:08:43.000 Spicy food.

01:08:44.000 You know, you think you have some kind of...

01:08:47.000 I'm a spicy food lunatic.

01:08:49.000 About 30% of my pisses and shits hurt my orifices because I eat so many jalapenos.

01:08:56.000 So you're wrong.

01:08:58.000 Well, I don't know.

01:08:59.000 This morning I had a breakfast burrito.

01:09:02.000 It was pretty bombing.

01:09:03.000 Well, this morning I didn't have a care burrito, so thanks for calling.

01:09:08.000 Tamales?

01:09:09.000 You don't like tamales?

01:09:11.000 What are tamales again?

01:09:12.000 They're like in a corn husk and they're made of like a break.

01:09:15.000 Yeah, corn husk.

01:09:16.000 Like, what are we doing here, guys?

01:09:18.000 Look at it.

01:09:18.000 Everything is just barf.

01:09:20.000 It's just a pile of food.

01:09:22.000 It's pre-digested.

01:09:23.000 It's just exactly.

01:09:24.000 That's like, did a bird eat that and then barf it into your mouth?

01:09:28.000 And look at the delivery.

01:09:29.000 Like, you look at a cheeseburger.

01:09:31.000 It's ready to rock.

01:09:32.000 You can ride your bicycle and eat a cheeseburger.

01:09:35.000 What the fuck is that corn husk?

01:09:37.000 That's a pastelle.

01:09:38.000 Am I supposed to eat the corn husk?

01:09:40.000 A pastelle is a pastelle.

01:09:42.000 And shit's always falling everywhere.

01:09:44.000 You're always eating it sideways.

01:09:46.000 Pastale is like mashed plante.

01:09:47.000 What is that?

01:09:47.000 Why is it wrapped in a thing?

01:09:49.000 That's like caveman.

01:09:50.000 Is this naked and afraid?

01:09:52.000 Why am I putting my food in some weird corn thing?

01:09:57.000 It's cool.

01:09:57.000 That's a pastale.

01:09:59.000 No, patelle is a little different.

01:10:00.000 It's made, like you said, with smashed plantains.

01:10:03.000 This is made of mashed plantains.

01:10:05.000 This is plantains.

01:10:06.000 Mini bananas.

01:10:07.000 They're great.

01:10:08.000 I go to the coochie feed.

01:10:09.000 Look at that pile of food.

01:10:11.000 It's like Israel.

01:10:12.000 When you go to Israel, they're like, oh my God, where do you have the food?

01:10:15.000 Where do you try that red dip?

01:10:17.000 And you're like, the red dip is just minced tomatoes.

01:10:21.000 It's salsa.

01:10:22.000 And they lay out all this shit.

01:10:23.000 This is in the entire Middle East, too, not just Israel.

01:10:26.000 They lay out all this shit in front of you.

01:10:28.000 And it's the day after Thanksgiving.

01:10:31.000 It's a pile of leftovers.

01:10:32.000 And you grab this thing and you dip it in that thing and then you scoop up this thing.

01:10:36.000 That's not interesting to me.

01:10:39.000 Like Maddie's shitty little kitchen destroys the entire Middle East.

01:10:43.000 Yeah, 100%.

01:10:44.000 Peas and that stuff with the glazed meatloaf.

01:10:48.000 That's a meal.

01:10:50.000 The smashed potatoes, the meatloaf, the corn, according to Puerto Ricans.

01:10:55.000 Ryan.

01:10:56.000 And you eat that up.

01:10:56.000 Thank you.

01:10:57.000 That's a normal bite.

01:10:58.000 All of this, like, look at that sludge.

01:11:01.000 Mexican food is sludge.

01:11:05.000 Oh, you love tacos.

01:11:07.000 Fuck tacos.

01:11:08.000 It's a half-folded piece of fucking pita bread with a pile of shit in it.

01:11:14.000 And you can't eat it normally.

01:11:15.000 It's falling everywhere.

01:11:17.000 It's not a good design.

01:11:19.000 A burrito, yeah, you could argue a burrito is a pretty good design.

01:11:24.000 But it's no cheeseburger.

01:11:26.000 The males y pateles.

01:11:28.000 Which one is it?

01:11:28.000 The males and pateles.

01:11:29.000 Fuck you.

01:11:30.000 Which one better, man?

01:11:33.000 I think the pastele all day.

01:11:35.000 I love pastel.

01:11:36.000 Me too.

01:11:37.000 What is patele?

01:11:38.000 It's basically a Puerto Rican tamale.

01:11:41.000 Puerto Rican.

01:11:41.000 They're a tamale.

01:11:42.000 maize they use.

01:11:43.000 I'm so annoyed right now.

01:11:44.000 Delicious.

01:11:45.000 I'd rather watch gay porn than hear about a Puerto Rican tamale.

01:11:49.000 You can do both.

01:11:50.000 Thank you.

01:11:51.000 Yeah, I think I still stay on the line.

01:11:53.000 Sorry, sir.

01:11:55.000 Bachelor Party 206.

01:11:57.000 You're on the licks.

01:11:58.000 Go ahead, Dad.

01:11:59.000 206.

01:11:59.000 Uhuru.

01:12:00.000 Uhuru.

01:12:02.000 Hey, so my younger brother is 22 years old and getting married.

01:12:07.000 He's a listener of yours and definitely was inspired by that getting married young idea.

01:12:12.000 Great.

01:12:13.000 I'm trying to plan his bachelor party.

01:12:16.000 I'm his best man.

01:12:17.000 So how do I plan the best bachelor party I can for this guy?

01:12:20.000 Thanks for calling.

01:12:21.000 Hookers and cocaine.

01:12:24.000 It depends what the group wants.

01:12:26.000 If they want strippers and shit, then I would just recommend going very mainstream with it and like finding, like when I planned a bachelor party for a New Yorker who wanted strippers and everything, I went to the Village Voice, I went to the back page,

01:12:42.000 and I found like party girls, whatever.

01:12:45.000 And we got a limousine.

01:12:47.000 And it was good that I didn't go through a friend to a friend.

01:12:50.000 I just did a very generic Costco kind of setup.

01:12:53.000 And the strippers were in the limousine.

01:12:56.000 They were eating each other out and partying.

01:13:01.000 Yeah, good point.

01:13:03.000 And for a moment there, all the guys were by them like this.

01:13:09.000 And they're like, no, no, no, no, no videos, no videos.

01:13:11.000 And they go, we're not taking videos.

01:13:13.000 These are flashlights.

01:13:14.000 We want to see every fucking detail.

01:13:17.000 And the limousine company obviously was in cahoots with the various bars we visited, which is fine.

01:13:23.000 I don't care what bars we go to.

01:13:25.000 So it was like strippers in the limousine bar, strippers.

01:13:28.000 And that's because I called a very well-established company that has done this a million times.

01:13:33.000 However, my personal experience has been men are shying away from the whole strippers and coke thing.

01:13:41.000 My bachelor party had zero naked ladies.

01:13:44.000 It was dudes.

01:13:45.000 There was drugs.

01:13:46.000 There was booze.

01:13:47.000 There was no food, actually, which was problematic.

01:13:50.000 I think we ordered pizza one of the three days.

01:13:53.000 And it was just three days of intense focusing on alcohol.

01:13:58.000 And my brother's bachelor party is going to be the same thing.

01:14:02.000 And I'm not judging either side.

01:14:04.000 I get the stripper thing.

01:14:06.000 But I think the stripper chick thing makes more sense when, you know, you've had like three girlfriends and you're never going to kiss a girl on the lips again.

01:14:15.000 And now you're with a lady forever.

01:14:17.000 So you want one more smooch, one more set of boobies.

01:14:22.000 We've all fucked like 700 women in the ass and then fucking jizzed on their face.

01:14:27.000 So the idea of like, I need one more kick at the can, I think has died out, especially with porn and everything.

01:14:34.000 So this is, I'm judging this just from my own personal experience, but I think that bachelor parties have become just the guys.

01:14:42.000 Now, I don't know what your friend, what your brother wants.

01:14:45.000 So you got to find out if your brother wants A or B. If he wants B, it's EZ Ps.

01:14:50.000 You find a guy with a farm who wants to have a big bonfire.

01:14:53.000 And if it's A, don't get adventurous.

01:14:56.000 Don't do friends of friends.

01:14:58.000 Go very mainstream.

01:15:00.000 Someone who's done this before.

01:15:01.000 And by the way, even the most mainstream fucking dudes who like rent a stand-up limo, that guy's going to have Coke.

01:15:10.000 Sorry.

01:15:11.000 So you don't have to worry about getting Tony Soprano to set it up because you're a bad boy.

01:15:15.000 No, no, no.

01:15:16.000 The most mainstream clinical bachelor party company has whores and coke and everything bad.

01:15:24.000 So don't worry about that.

01:15:25.000 But the good thing about the mainstream shit, when they take an ad is you can sue them if they fuck up and they're not going to steal your money and it'll be, you know, legit.

01:15:35.000 That's my two cents.

01:15:36.000 What if David Busters and Hooters merged?

01:15:39.000 Where it's like you have strippers and then games.

01:15:41.000 Video games?

01:15:42.000 No.

01:15:43.000 Great idea.

01:15:45.000 Here's a letter.

01:15:45.000 Boomers fucked us again with election fraud.

01:15:47.000 Hey guys, I'm one of those people that absolutely detests the conspiratard right.

01:15:53.000 I was enemy number one to the most influential QAnon grifters, and I've been vindicated on every single issue.

01:16:00.000 These are largely normies and boomers who fall for every single made-up piece of info thrown at them.

01:16:07.000 Mike Lindell's efforts to prove election fraud is a perfect example of this.

01:16:11.000 People that gained influence in this movement were able to influence people like Lindell, all while never even having any sort of expertise on the topics they were commenting on.

01:16:20.000 So what happened now?

01:16:21.000 Matt Brainerd and Look Ahead America took time to investigate Lindell's claim of more than 20,000 fraudulent voters participating in the 2020 election in Wisconsin.

01:16:31.000 Lindell's proof?

01:16:33.000 They all had the same phone number.

01:16:35.000 Rather than look into it, Lindell claims this definitive proof of election altering fraud sorry, Lindell claims this is proof of election altering fraud.

01:16:46.000 The problem?

01:16:46.000 A simple investigation reveals that the system in Racine County, Wisconsin used a default phone number for the voter rolls when no phone number was provided by the voter.

01:16:58.000 When Look Ahead America dug deeper, the numbers got worse.

01:17:02.000 I've attached screenshots of the key parts of the report with the relevant info highlighted and the full report is linked as well.

01:17:07.000 I find it amazing that everyone knew the mail-in ballots were the least secure method and would likely produce massive fraud, yet that was ignored at every turn.

01:17:16.000 Why?

01:17:16.000 Because the conspiratard right thought that super hackers and voting machines was much cooler.

01:17:23.000 Those influencers consisted of General Flynn, Lynn Wood, Sidney Powell, Ron Watkins, a literal nobody LARPer, and many more.

01:17:31.000 They relied on known fraudsters to help them make their claims.

01:17:34.000 One of the women advising Powell was a career scam artist and con woman who had recently claimed to be a brain surgeon and a high-tier CIA intelligence analyst.

01:17:43.000 It's classic Dunning Krueger.

01:17:45.000 I don't know what that means.

01:17:47.000 They all knew nothing.

01:17:49.000 They all know nothing, and that's what makes them so confident.

01:17:51.000 They fucked us at every turn.

01:17:52.000 Had we been able to focus on mail-in ballots, we could have had a fighting chance.

01:17:56.000 We have to save the boomers from this perpetually harmful Scam.

01:18:01.000 They may be retards, but they're our retards, and they don't deserve to be swindled.

01:18:06.000 Likewise, we don't deserve to lose as a result of grifting scumbags.

01:18:11.000 This is the Dunning-Kruger effect.

01:18:14.000 I see.

01:18:15.000 That reminds me of a QAnon dude who sent us a letter about Chrissy Teigen.

01:18:21.000 And I'm an anti-conspiratorial dude generally.

01:18:26.000 But man, when you look at Chrissy Teigen's tweets about fucking kids in a row, it's pretty bad.

01:18:34.000 Disturbing.

01:18:35.000 Hey, Gav.

01:18:37.000 Hope you're well.

01:18:38.000 Quick point.

01:18:38.000 I'm not sure if everyone realized in the 2016, the order was issued to all celebs and people of power.

01:18:45.000 The order states, if you assist Donald Trump to get elected, all of the black man material will be released in a coordinated media campaign.

01:18:53.000 Your life will be destroyed.

01:18:54.000 Now, I believe that Jeffrey Epstein's island was a Mossad.

01:18:59.000 It was an Israeli secret police endeavor wherein Israel noticed that the left was starting to turn against them.

01:19:09.000 So they said, let's get Clinton and his friends to fuck young girls.

01:19:13.000 And if they talk shit about us, we'll say, we're going to destroy your life.

01:19:17.000 So be a Zionist or else.

01:19:20.000 That's what I believe.

01:19:22.000 I think it's a good theory.

01:19:24.000 I've triple-checked it in many ways.

01:19:27.000 But this guy is saying, no, it was a Trump thing, where if you shit on Trump, no, if you don't shit on Trump, we're going to ruin your life.

01:19:39.000 If we don't feel you were taking Trump enough, blah, blah, blah.

01:19:42.000 You also have Rosie O'Donnell, Joy Beher, Chelsea Handler, Tom Arnold, who gladly shilled for Epstein's group.

01:19:48.000 Then they have this guy, Isaac Cappy.

01:19:50.000 I've never heard of him.

01:19:52.000 Great guy.

01:19:52.000 He exposed Seth Green for having kids in his private mansion behind a secret bookshelf wall.

01:19:59.000 What?

01:20:00.000 Isaac screwed up and said something he shouldn't have said.

01:20:03.000 We never found out what it was, but his last live stream explained this all.

01:20:07.000 He said, guys, it was just so stupid what I did.

01:20:09.000 I messed up.

01:20:10.000 Put a lot of people in harm's way.

01:20:11.000 It was so avoidable.

01:20:12.000 Who's Isaac Cappy?

01:20:14.000 Is he dead?

01:20:14.000 Did the Illuminati kill him?

01:20:21.000 Yep, he's dead.

01:20:23.000 Funny Jewish-looking dude.

01:20:26.000 It roles in the films Thor.

01:20:29.000 He was an actor and a musician.

01:20:32.000 So Seth Green has a secret room behind his house?

01:20:36.000 I mean, behind his bookshelf, where he keeps kids?

01:20:38.000 That's not cool.

01:20:40.000 Anyway, so fuck all that.

01:20:42.000 Just look at these texts.

01:20:44.000 Let's assume they're true for fun.

01:20:48.000 And it's amazing how much, how many times she alluded to sex with a child.

01:20:54.000 A little boy in the pageant now, finally some eye candy for me, toddlers and tiaras.

01:21:00.000 Oh, this is going down Pizzagate rabbit hole.

01:21:02.000 That's kind of weird.

01:21:04.000 Like, there's plenty of eye candy for men with toddlers and tiaras, but finally a boy is in it now.

01:21:10.000 Now I can get horny.

01:21:12.000 Okay?

01:21:13.000 I just saw a baby that looked like a porn star.

01:21:16.000 What?

01:21:17.000 Like a trashy do-anything porn star.

01:21:19.000 Is this wrong to think?

01:21:21.000 Like, that's not the end of the world as a joke, as a one-time thing, amidst a sea of other silly jokes.

01:21:28.000 But seeing little girls do the splits half-naked, just, I want to put myself in jail.

01:21:36.000 What?

01:21:38.000 Skinny pedos drink pedo light.

01:21:40.000 Okay, pedo joke.

01:21:42.000 Johnny and I are on our way to the Hollydale.

01:21:44.000 Karina Bellanoff is serving a nice four-old cheese pizza with adrenochrome.

01:21:49.000 Let's assume she said that.

01:21:50.000 She's a weird-looking fucking human, isn't she?

01:21:53.000 They both are.

01:21:55.000 Look at those weird human beings.

01:21:57.000 They look like aliens.

01:22:00.000 Their kids could either be gorgeous or elephant men.

01:22:05.000 I am not an animal.

01:22:07.000 I'm a human being.

01:22:11.000 Joe Biden's Twitter account follows 11 White House affiliated profiles and Chrissy Teigen.

01:22:18.000 Brad Pitch has handed us a pizza.

01:22:20.000 It's actually so ridiculous.

01:22:21.000 Plain just laughs hysterically.

01:22:23.000 I'm going over pizza.

01:22:24.000 Woke up this morning with pizza on my chest.

01:22:26.000 I don't really stop laughing and make fun of all my friends who are held hostage.

01:22:29.000 What?

01:22:30.000 And fed cheese sandwiches on Tropical Island.

01:22:32.000 I'm sorry I can't help it.

01:22:33.000 I love you so much.

01:22:34.000 I don't know what the fuck that means.

01:22:37.000 Kevin Shocky, nah.

01:22:39.000 He just said the cleanest and best pleasure is to have sex with a 13-year-old.

01:22:43.000 Up until that, haha.

01:22:46.000 Okay?

01:22:48.000 I am about to Anthony wiener this kid.

01:22:51.000 I know what parents go through when they are forced to tie their kids up in the basement.

01:22:56.000 You have to do it, but it's icky, am I right?

01:22:58.000 Like, individually, none of these tweets, or at least most of these tweets, aren't the end of the world.

01:23:04.000 But it's the culmination of them all together that gets you suspicious.

01:23:08.000 I can't think of better company for International Women's Day than Speaker Pelosi and Chrissy Teigen.

01:23:13.000 Of all the celebrities in the world, like, what has she done?

01:23:17.000 Nothing.

01:23:17.000 Was she on Baywatch or something?

01:23:22.000 I don't know what she's done in the real world.

01:23:24.000 I know she's all over Twitter.

01:23:25.000 I know she's married to a famous black guy.

01:23:30.000 Well, the fucking kids, fuck her.

01:23:31.000 I'm John Lynch.

01:23:33.000 Chrissy Teigen.

01:23:36.000 Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

01:23:38.000 Okay.

01:23:39.000 That's pretty much it.

01:23:41.000 And then, like, co-hosting lip sync battle and other dumb shit.

01:23:46.000 That's not real.

01:23:49.000 Alright, let's take a call.

01:23:57.000 Okay, we've got...

01:24:00.000 Oh, marriage question.

01:24:02.000 931, you're on the lun.

01:24:05.000 Hey, am I on?

01:24:07.000 Yes, sir.

01:24:07.000 Am I really on?

01:24:09.000 Yes, whoa, holy crap.

01:24:11.000 Okay, well, hey, Gavin, you really changed my life and inspired me to get married and stuff, just like fucking random chicks and stuff.

01:24:22.000 And so I've been married and we have a child and he's the most perfect little boy.

01:24:28.000 How old is he?

01:24:29.000 And he's 18 months.

01:24:32.000 His name's Bo.

01:24:33.000 Is he walking yet?

01:24:36.000 Yeah, yep, he's walking and says daddy and mama.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

01:24:42.000 It's the best thing I ever did with my life for sure.

01:24:44.000 And but the problem is, is me and his mom, you know, or you know, my wife aren't, we're really not getting along, and she's talking about leaving me.

01:24:57.000 And yeah, sorry to get emotional, but I'm just, yeah, I wanted your advice.

01:25:04.000 You know, she doesn't respect me, and she, like, really tries to, like, cuck me a lot.

01:25:13.000 And I, like, you know, just by being disrespectful, not, like, cheating on me or anything, and just, like, saying mean things and, like, slamming doors and storming out of the house and stuff.

01:25:28.000 And I recently got, like, really mad at her and, you know, yelled back at her.

01:25:33.000 And, you know, that was like a really bad mistake.

01:25:40.000 And I feel horrible about it.

01:25:42.000 Long story short, what I'm getting at is how do you handle a wife that doesn't have any respect for you and doesn't treat you well?

01:25:50.000 Like, I'm really struggling to keep this relationship together.

01:25:54.000 Well, I can tell you what I do in my marriage is I slap the shit out of my wife.

01:25:58.000 I punch her in the face.

01:26:00.000 I throw her down the stairs.

01:26:01.000 You'll notice if you ever meet my wife, she has giant sunglasses on, and she'll always go like, I'm such a klutz.

01:26:07.000 And she'll have like a foot brace on or a crutch, and she'll be like, there I go, falling down the stairs again.

01:26:14.000 Like, make sure when you hurt her that you give her a story so she can explain her bruises.

01:26:22.000 And if you hit her, hit her with the telephone book.

01:26:24.000 Yeah.

01:26:24.000 The sunglasses don't even do the trick, though.

01:26:26.000 She looks like Johnny Depp in Once Upon a Time in Mexico.

01:26:28.000 Yeah.

01:26:29.000 I can't hear Ryan.

01:26:30.000 I can hear Ryan, but I can't hear what he's saying.

01:26:32.000 It's all right.

01:26:32.000 Just a dumb joke.

01:26:33.000 It's a terrible joke.

01:26:36.000 Look, I don't know all the nuances of your relationship, but divorcing with a one-year-old is fucking insane.

01:26:43.000 That's retarded.

01:26:45.000 There's no major thing like a lawsuit or, I don't know, a terrorist attack.

01:26:51.000 There's no reason to divorce at one.

01:26:53.000 You got to steer the ship.

01:26:55.000 Now, if she's being a crazy bitch, there could be all kinds of hormones.

01:27:00.000 Postpartum lunacy, I guess, can go as late as a year.

01:27:04.000 That seems pretty late.

01:27:05.000 But I would recommend if there's a huge fight, she's screaming and ready to kill you, and you want to murder her, and I totally get that, by the way.

01:27:13.000 I've been there.

01:27:15.000 You leave.

01:27:16.000 But don't do it.

01:27:17.000 You don't leave, but you go away for a couple hours.

01:27:22.000 That's actually where I am right now, and I can't believe it worked out to where y'all were doing a live, and I could call in because that's what I'm doing right now.

01:27:29.000 I left, and I've been gone for about three or four hours now.

01:27:32.000 And don't be gone for a crazy amount of time.

01:27:34.000 Just remember.

01:27:35.000 Don't be gone overnight.

01:27:36.000 Cooler minds prevail.

01:27:38.000 Cooler minds prevail.

01:27:40.000 But if she's hysterical, what are you going to do?

01:27:43.000 Win the argument?

01:27:45.000 So just go away for two hours, three hours.

01:27:48.000 That's a long time as far as adrenaline goes to calm things down.

01:27:53.000 But you've got to keep control of the marriage.

01:27:56.000 You have to draw a line in the sand and say, this is what we're doing.

01:28:01.000 We're staying together.

01:28:03.000 You know, you're not cheating on her.

01:28:04.000 If you're like doing Coke all day and forgetting to pick up your kid at daycare, your kid's too young for that, but you know what I mean?

01:28:12.000 Like if you're constantly fucking up, that's one thing.

01:28:15.000 But if you're not sinning, you're not fucking up, you're not a drunken drug addict, you're not wrecking your life, but she's still mad at you, you've got to just sort of take it on the chin and go, look, we're going to get through this.

01:28:28.000 I don't want to fight with you.

01:28:29.000 If you want to fight, I'm going to leave for a couple hours.

01:28:32.000 I think sometimes with a lot of women, it's a test.

01:28:35.000 And it's like, I want to see if you're in for the long haul.

01:28:38.000 I'm going to be a nightmare and see if you buckle and leave me.

01:28:43.000 If you can take me at my worst, you're worthy of my best.

01:28:46.000 Yeah, they want to give you their worst.

01:28:48.000 Yeah.

01:28:48.000 And see if you're in.

01:28:49.000 If you're handle my worst, me at my worst, then you can take me at my worst.

01:28:52.000 So take her at her worst.

01:28:54.000 And don't hit her.

01:28:55.000 Don't get mad.

01:28:56.000 Don't punch holes in the wall.

01:28:58.000 That's the cross you have to.

01:28:59.000 But also don't be a cuck and say like, I'm so sorry.

01:29:02.000 Okay, what should I do?

01:29:03.000 You can't be that guy.

01:29:05.000 You have to be like, no, look, this is what's going on.

01:29:07.000 We're going to keep doing this.

01:29:08.000 We're going to keep doing that.

01:29:09.000 And if you want to have a temper tantrum, I'm going to leave for a couple hours.

01:29:13.000 But I love you and I'm going to stick by you.

01:29:16.000 And I've also noticed the best way to please your wife is to please your kids.

01:29:23.000 And a woman, when she sees you playing with your kids and enjoying them, I don't know.

01:29:30.000 It seems to be the best way to impress her.

01:29:33.000 Like, if I want to fuck my wife, nothing does it better than me taking the kids out and having a mini putt and mini golf and fucking rock climbing and stuff and doing all kinds of shit with them.

01:29:45.000 Not that I do that with them to get laid, but nothing seduces her more than me focusing on the kids.

01:29:53.000 Because I think it says to her subconscious, I chose the right partner.

01:29:56.000 So I guess what I'm saying to you is the stupidest thing you could do is throw in the towel or get mad at her and want to fight her.

01:30:04.000 Those are both death sentences.

01:30:06.000 There's no future there.

01:30:08.000 You need to stick with the kids, focus on the kids and the kid.

01:30:13.000 And let her fucking blow off some steam.

01:30:17.000 Tough times don't last.

01:30:19.000 Yeah.

01:30:21.000 Yeah.

01:30:21.000 You know, I'm Irish too.

01:30:25.000 You know, I descend from, my family descends from Wales and Ireland.

01:30:29.000 And yeah, maybe I just have a really bad temper because like, yeah, like the thing she does, like, I thought that too.

01:30:37.000 Like, I got to take this on the chin.

01:30:39.000 I chose this woman.

01:30:40.000 This is my cross-debt.

01:30:41.000 This is my responsibility.

01:30:43.000 And that lasted for like two days before I was like, fuck.

01:30:47.000 You know, like, you got to take Irish therapy.

01:30:51.000 It's called boxing.

01:30:52.000 And every morning you just punch a giant leather bag literally hundreds of times.

01:30:58.000 And when you do that, It just changes your whole demeanor.

01:31:02.000 There's no relationship that doesn't have rough patches.

01:31:06.000 Yeah.

01:31:07.000 It just makes you appreciate the good times more.

01:31:10.000 Yeah, and no one's saying, don't lose your temper.

01:31:12.000 Just don't lose your temper at her.

01:31:14.000 Right.

01:31:15.000 Go punch the sand.

01:31:17.000 Go punch a hill.

01:31:19.000 Go punch a tree.

01:31:21.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:31:22.000 No problem.

01:31:23.000 Thanks, yeah.

01:31:24.000 Yep.

01:31:25.000 I've got to get his number because if they get divorced, I want to fuck his wife.

01:31:31.000 You're a married man's son.

01:31:34.000 Well, if my wife dies.

01:31:36.000 In a plane crash.

01:31:38.000 I don't want my wife to die.

01:31:39.000 I've seen the women in my league, and they are hideous.

01:31:43.000 Yikes.

01:31:44.000 Terrible.

01:31:44.000 We got Daniel on the line talking about drugs.

01:31:48.000 I love drugs.

01:31:49.000 Another first.

01:31:50.000 Another first.

01:31:51.000 Drugs.

01:31:51.000 587.

01:31:52.000 You're on the level.

01:31:53.000 How's it going, GavTown?

01:31:54.000 Or actually, Gaviitis and China.

01:31:58.000 And what's up, Maddie?

01:32:00.000 What's up?

01:32:01.000 First time listener.

01:32:03.000 Actually, I changed my idea from drugs to...

01:32:08.000 I saw this thing on TikTok, and it's about China and Russia doing a currency together based off of minerals.

01:32:22.000 Yeah.

01:32:23.000 Minerals.

01:32:23.000 And they've already been buying fuckloads of gold for how long so?

01:32:30.000 Yeah, so will it be based on gold or based on other precious minerals?

01:32:35.000 I don't know.

01:32:36.000 I was thinking it was like uranium and probably gold, I was thinking, yeah.

01:32:41.000 Wait, myanium or uranium?

01:32:43.000 I think our uranium.

01:32:46.000 Okay, well, then good.

01:32:48.000 If it's myanium, then I already have a major stake.

01:32:52.000 I'll definitely buy out uranium.

01:32:56.000 Yeah, that is really disturbing and confusing what is going on.

01:33:00.000 And I think I'm kind of scared, to be honest.

01:33:03.000 America, America needs to recognize that Russia and China are our enemies.

01:33:10.000 They seem to have figured out it out with Russia, though I'm suspicious of their motive, especially with this Ukraine shit.

01:33:17.000 But with like China, China doesn't like us.

01:33:20.000 But China's playing the long game.

01:33:23.000 Yes.

01:33:24.000 Yeah, especially with the game.

01:33:24.000 Russia is not, with Putin in charge, Russia is not playing the long game.

01:33:30.000 I don't know if China would back Russia 100% because they're playing the long game.

01:33:37.000 Yeah.

01:33:37.000 They're playing the 100-year fight.

01:33:39.000 By the way, those are not a great pair of enemies to have.

01:33:42.000 One group that wants to stab you tonight and the other group that wants to slowly poison you until you die.

01:33:48.000 Well, you also have to understand, there's tons of Muslims.

01:33:51.000 I gotta go, but shout out to Muslims and King Calgary.

01:33:57.000 Look it up.

01:33:58.000 It's hot sauce.

01:33:59.000 Okay, bye-bye.

01:34:01.000 Take care.

01:34:01.000 This guy gives us a homework assignment and his goodbyes.

01:34:04.000 I gotta look up some fights.

01:34:05.000 Russia and China are great adversaries right now.

01:34:08.000 To be in the same camp.

01:34:10.000 They got two different gameplays.

01:34:11.000 No, but that doesn't matter.

01:34:13.000 Two people want to kill you.

01:34:15.000 It doesn't matter if they're friends or not.

01:34:18.000 Most important stories of our lifetime happened this week.

01:34:23.000 One of the most important stories of our lifetime happened this week, and almost no one covered it.

01:34:28.000 Russia joined forces with China to create their own new reserve currency.

01:34:33.000 Officially.

01:34:34.000 Yes.

01:34:35.000 Let me explain what this means.

01:34:37.000 This means that the new reserve currency won't be the U.S. dollar for one thing, which is earth-shattering, right?

01:34:44.000 But it's also earth-shattering for another few reasons.

01:34:47.000 This new currency will be based on rare earth minerals, guys.

01:34:51.000 Gold, silver, uranium, nickel, copper, real tangible things, guys.

01:34:58.000 This means that Russia and China are tying their country's fortunes to minerals out of the ground and then sell to the rest of the world.

01:35:08.000 Just look at how Russia started.

01:35:10.000 Yeah, that guy's name is David Fopp.

01:35:11.000 I don't know.

01:35:13.000 This name is pretty hot, by the way.

01:35:15.000 Oh, very tattoo.

01:35:16.000 Texy guy.

01:35:17.000 Yeah.

01:35:18.000 Tall, dark.

01:35:18.000 He's wearing a V-neck.

01:35:19.000 He's literally tall, dark, and handsome.

01:35:21.000 I mean, that's what we're going for.

01:35:22.000 And cool.

01:35:22.000 Look at that.

01:35:23.000 He's got a guitar.

01:35:24.000 He's got a guitar.

01:35:24.000 He likes to rock.

01:35:26.000 He's so fucking gay.

01:35:27.000 That's like Tim Pool shit.

01:35:28.000 I don't know.

01:35:28.000 You have a sword behind you.

01:35:30.000 Don't put a guitar in your background, dude.

01:35:33.000 Like cryptocurrency, like Bitcoin, is owned by fucking Russia.

01:35:36.000 It's Bootin.

01:35:39.000 So it's not...

01:35:41.000 There's never...

01:35:42.000 Other than the U.S. dollar and the pound sterling, that's the world standard.

01:35:47.000 Yes, but that may be shifting.

01:35:49.000 Especially when the entire turd world is fixated on cryptocurrencies and phone stuff.

01:35:58.000 I understand, but like, remember that Moneyball movie where instead of getting the best baseball players, they just had a ton of mediocre players and they ended up winning the Oakland A's with Brad Pitt?

01:36:11.000 Russia and China can get a bunch of mediocre players and destroy us with sheer numbers.

01:36:18.000 Hit it.

01:36:19.000 Believe it or not, Russia's population is fucked up.

01:36:23.000 Is what?

01:36:23.000 It's fucked up.

01:36:25.000 What do you mean it's fucked up?

01:36:26.000 Their population isn't as strong as it used to be.

01:36:29.000 Because, one, they export a lot of fucking women in a slave trade factory, but they're not having kids.

01:36:35.000 What do you think the population of Russia is?

01:36:38.000 Currently, compared to like the 90s?

01:36:41.000 I'd say there's probably a 40% decrease.

01:36:44.000 There's 144 million.

01:36:46.000 Okay.

01:36:47.000 Half of our population.

01:36:48.000 What was it in 1990?

01:36:50.000 Population of Russia, 1990.

01:36:54.000 It was sane.

01:36:55.000 148 million.

01:36:58.000 It went down 4 million.

01:37:01.000 Well, that's pretty big.

01:37:04.000 Wait, wait, that's pretty.

01:37:05.000 Wait, that is going down because all the populations are going up.

01:37:08.000 So if it goes down at all, that means it's not growing with everybody else's bucket.

01:37:12.000 I mean, it is the largest landmass in the entire world.

01:37:14.000 Right, and they can't defend all their borders.

01:37:16.000 It's impossible.

01:37:18.000 True.

01:37:19.000 All right, well, let's hear the rest of this video.

01:37:21.000 Sure.

01:37:21.000 Started stockpiling gold over the last 20 years, while the United States went further and further into debt and printing money.

01:37:28.000 Just look at this chart.

01:37:30.000 This is gold.

01:37:31.000 Astonishing.

01:37:32.000 And this was all happening right out there in the open.

01:37:35.000 Here is a headline: two years before the war with Ukraine broke out.

01:37:40.000 China and Russia ditched dollar and move toward financial alliance.

01:37:44.000 Yeah, and everyone else was ignoring it.

01:37:46.000 Even before the Ukraine conflict started, both China and Russia were stockpiling gold and working on denominating transactions outside of the United States dollar.

01:37:56.000 It was another secret that was all right there out in the open for anyone to pay attention to.

01:38:01.000 This is a massive challenge to the U.S. dollar, which isn't based on gold or anything.

01:38:06.000 If you've been watching, you know that it's based on air.

01:38:08.000 Nothing since we moved off the gold standard in the 1970s.

01:38:12.000 It's actually based on debt.

01:38:14.000 Yes, the U.S. dollar is a debt-based currency.

01:38:18.000 And the United States is $30 trillion in debt.

01:38:22.000 So how does our basic debt work out for us, right?

01:38:25.000 China and Russia are sitting on mountains of minerals that the United States and Europe are clamoring for.

01:38:31.000 Frankly, they're begging for them, right?

01:38:33.000 Seriously, one of the most important stories.

01:38:35.000 Wait, why'd you cut away?

01:38:36.000 That's the end of the bid.

01:38:37.000 Oh.

01:38:38.000 Yeah, we're begging for oil from Saudi Arabia, too.

01:38:42.000 Please, can you make more oil?

01:38:45.000 You have hurt me today.

01:38:50.000 Let's take a call.

01:38:51.000 And by the way, you put up no super chats.

01:38:53.000 Are they over?

01:38:54.000 They're all over.

01:38:55.000 I used all of them.

01:38:56.000 I'm going to refresh and see.

01:38:57.000 Maybe we got one or two.

01:38:58.000 Nobody loves us.

01:38:59.000 No one loves Max and John.

01:39:01.000 We got two that just came in.

01:39:03.000 Poor guys.

01:39:05.000 Let's see here.

01:39:08.000 You know what would help the super chats?

01:39:12.000 No, that's retarded.

01:39:13.000 He's not going to come to the Bronx from Long Island.

01:39:16.000 It's like an hour.

01:39:18.000 From beautiful Roslyn?

01:39:20.000 Gavin, woman versus woman.

01:39:22.000 Do you know the difference?

01:39:23.000 I know.

01:39:23.000 I'm actually, I've developed my own irritation with the way I pronounce those words.

01:39:28.000 I'm getting on my own nerves.

01:39:30.000 Woman.

01:39:31.000 I met a woman, but she's not like any other of those other women.

01:39:36.000 Hey, Gavin, were female rock stars as promiscuous as male rock stars?

01:39:40.000 I don't think so.

01:39:41.000 I hope I don't sound naive.

01:39:42.000 Obviously, I know Motley Crew got tons of pussy, spelled weird.

01:39:46.000 But were people blowing security guards and stage hands to fuck Hart or Joan Jett?

01:39:51.000 No fucking way.

01:39:52.000 Joan Jett's a lesbian, I believe.

01:39:54.000 Yes.

01:39:55.000 Joan Jett or the Bengals?

01:39:57.000 Yeah, there's no way.

01:39:58.000 Susanna.

01:39:59.000 I find that amazing that someone wants to fuck Motley Crew so bad that they blow like three strangers down an alleyway backstage to get to them.

01:40:10.000 I've been on a couple of tour buses for like God's Mac, Metallica.

01:40:16.000 A couple of, you know, a couple of tour buses.

01:40:18.000 Girls will do some things.

01:40:20.000 They get real rude.

01:40:22.000 There's no way that the same thing happens.

01:40:24.000 And women are not like that.

01:40:27.000 Nico Case, did she want?

01:40:30.000 What's the subhead there?

01:40:31.000 That one was a little bit of a...

01:40:34.000 Singer Nico Case admits she doesn't get hit on it.

01:40:36.000 Shows the difference between minimum.

01:40:37.000 Well, first of all, you're a three.

01:40:40.000 Minor detail.

01:40:42.000 But do you really want your pussy eaten by a stranger every night?

01:40:45.000 Women are not like that.

01:40:47.000 Sorry, what were you saying, Maddie?

01:40:49.000 I said, yeah, I mean, I heard like Janice Joplin used to be a little bit of a free spirit and fuck a lot of dudes, but that was back in the 60s, free love.

01:40:57.000 And she was a junkie whore.

01:41:00.000 The idea of whore back then was probably like, I've had four lovers this year.

01:41:05.000 I mean, now, with porn and everything, we're just like, how many people did you fuck tonight?

01:41:11.000 But Joan Jett probably had like a different boyfriend every month.

01:41:15.000 Even though she was in the chicks.

01:41:17.000 Oh, she was a Les?

01:41:19.000 Joan Jett?

01:41:20.000 No, no.

01:41:21.000 Janice Choplin.

01:41:22.000 Oh, Janet.

01:41:22.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:41:23.000 She was men.

01:41:25.000 She was hideous, too.

01:41:26.000 Yeah.

01:41:27.000 We got 504.

01:41:28.000 What's up, 504?

01:41:31.000 AG Money can't hear Ryan and Matt Gas Maddie.

01:41:34.000 So June now?

01:41:37.000 Oh, wait.

01:41:38.000 No, I could hear Maddie.

01:41:40.000 I can't hear Ryan, but I know y'all are on a time constraint here.

01:41:43.000 So Gavin got three actresses, all of them from the office.

01:41:46.000 We're exactly 30 at their fucking peak.

01:41:49.000 Rashida Jones, Jenna Fisher, and Amy Adams.

01:41:52.000 Holy shit, they looked their best then.

01:41:54.000 Ryan, cannabinoids are a natural anti-inflammatory.

01:41:57.000 That's what you need to drop in your fucking CBD pin ad.

01:42:01.000 Matt Gas is the truth, Maddie, and you fucking know it.

01:42:04.000 Roger that.

01:42:05.000 Don't forget Mindy Kaling.

01:42:08.000 She was very cute.

01:42:09.000 God, she's not my type, man.

01:42:11.000 Okay, whatever, you racist pig.

01:42:12.000 She's really attractive to Indian ladies, but she don't do it for me.

01:42:15.000 She was very cute on that show.

01:42:17.000 Let's assume you were okay with Packies.

01:42:19.000 And she has since turned into a 90-year-old.

01:42:24.000 Who, by the way, is very proud of being a single mom.

01:42:26.000 She turns out is the HR chick that winds up marrying Michael.

01:42:32.000 Oh, that's his real wife.

01:42:35.000 No, no, not the real estate agent, the girl in HR that takes Toby's place.

01:42:41.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:43.000 I know that woman.

01:42:44.000 I hung out with her once.

01:42:45.000 She's friends with a New York comedian guy.

01:42:47.000 She's not hot.

01:42:48.000 And let me guess, she's the exact opposite of how she seems in the show.

01:42:54.000 No, she's a six.

01:42:58.000 Campbell's soup and white.

01:42:59.000 A six?

01:43:00.000 That's a six.

01:43:01.000 Man, okay.

01:43:02.000 Well, I guess she does something for me.

01:43:03.000 But in the call, y'all fucking be real.

01:43:06.000 Thank you.

01:43:07.000 All right.

01:43:07.000 Appreciate it.

01:43:08.000 I got a little aggressive at the very end.

01:43:10.000 We'll stay real because we're fucking be real.

01:43:12.000 We're already real.

01:43:13.000 He's a rapper.

01:43:14.000 Calm down.

01:43:14.000 Cypress Hill.

01:43:15.000 Vato, you won't believe when I thought it was.

01:43:17.000 By the way, the band Cypress Hill, is that named after Cypress Hill in East New York?

01:43:21.000 Or is there a Cypress Hill in LA?

01:43:23.000 No, it was like the struggle.

01:43:28.000 What?

01:43:29.000 You're going up to Cypress Hill?

01:43:30.000 It was like...

01:43:31.000 But there's a Cypress Hill in East New York that's a very bad area.

01:43:35.000 You go up to Jackie Robinson Parkway.

01:43:37.000 But the band...

01:43:38.000 Yeah, they're from Carrie.

01:43:40.000 They're from California, okay.

01:43:41.000 Yeah.

01:43:42.000 Cypress, but not Cypress Hill, Avenue Cypress.

01:43:45.000 Right.

01:43:46.000 And that's Los Angeles, but there's no actual hills.

01:43:48.000 It was like a metaphor for that hill to get up there.

01:43:51.000 Cypress Hills is like where all the murders happen in New York.

01:43:55.000 Queens, yeah.

01:43:55.000 Myrtle Boulevard.

01:43:57.000 Chatterer Boulevard.

01:43:58.000 Myrtle Boulevard.

01:43:59.000 It goes From Fort Greene, Brooklyn, straight through Queens, baby.

01:44:02.000 Wouldn't it be awesome if the New York Times had this actually did journalism and they had this massive expose?

01:44:11.000 I got my first gunfight on Myrtle Boulevard.

01:44:13.000 Really?

01:44:14.000 In Fort Greene, Brooklyn.

01:44:16.000 Was that the one by the hotel?

01:44:19.000 No, I was going to a house party where Biggie Smalls lived and we went out at 4 o'clock in the morning rolling my ass off on ecstasy to go get some water.

01:44:28.000 And I went with my buddy Takis and we went to the Bodega to get some water because we were all fucked up on ecstasy.

01:44:35.000 So as we're walking back, two guys started following us up Myrtle Avenue onto Prospect Street.

01:44:42.000 And they're like, yo, let me get a dollar.

01:44:45.000 I said, I ain't got no money.

01:44:46.000 But I had my piece on me.

01:44:48.000 It's funny because my younger sister was at that party.

01:44:50.000 I felt bad because she got kind of freaked out about it.

01:44:53.000 But I tapped my buddy Taco and says, yo, we're going to get around the corner.

01:44:57.000 We'll break into the...

01:44:58.000 As soon as we went around the corner, it was the second building on the left.

01:45:01.000 You had to cross the street.

01:45:02.000 So I said, just go in and get the lobby door open.

01:45:05.000 You know, it's a glass lobby door.

01:45:06.000 Oh, yeah, that's the story I remember.

01:45:08.000 Yeah.

01:45:08.000 I thought it was a hotel, right?

01:45:09.000 No, no.

01:45:10.000 So we, so, you know, now him and his buddy come shuffling up behind us.

01:45:14.000 Is he all right?

01:45:15.000 Let me get us.

01:45:15.000 First he asked for a cigarette.

01:45:17.000 Then I was like, let me get a dollar.

01:45:18.000 And I said, I ain't got it.

01:45:19.000 So I tapped my buddy and we broke into the lobby and the fucking lobby door was fucking closed.

01:45:24.000 And he's hitting all the buttons to fucking open it.

01:45:26.000 So I see the guy, one guy, he's in the door.

01:45:28.000 He slides into the doorway of the lobby.

01:45:30.000 He's got a little knife.

01:45:31.000 So I just pull up my gun.

01:45:32.000 I point right at him.

01:45:33.000 I go, yo, this motherfucker, you take one step, and I'm going to fucking destroy it.

01:45:36.000 So I'm going to talk to open the door, open the door.

01:45:38.000 So all of a sudden, the guy that's on the outside, I see this 357 Magnum come over the shoulder.

01:45:44.000 Wow!

01:45:45.000 He blows out the glass of the fucking door.

01:45:47.000 So we run up the stairs.

01:45:49.000 So you run through the opening.

01:45:50.000 Yeah, yeah, we went through the, now the door is open because there's no glass.

01:45:54.000 So we run up the fucking stairs and I get into the first landing and I can see their feet and I'm like, come in, motherfucker.

01:45:59.000 Come on in.

01:46:00.000 Come on.

01:46:01.000 I was begging them to come in.

01:46:02.000 But they didn't come in.

01:46:04.000 Yeah.

01:46:04.000 Because I had the guy, Dead to Rights, who came in with the knife.

01:46:08.000 I had him, I put, thumbs forward, prow.

01:46:13.000 Motherfucker, take one move and I'm going to fucking kill you right here.

01:46:16.000 You could have so easily been killed.

01:46:19.000 Yeah.

01:46:19.000 I threw my gun over to Manhattan Bridge as I left Brooklyn the next morning.

01:46:24.000 Oh, really?

01:46:28.000 As you went up, because where Myrtle Avenue comes out, you come like to Flatbush Avenue and you go right over to Manhattan Bridge.

01:46:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:46:33.000 As I was mid-span, I was just right into the East River.

01:46:36.000 Bye-bye, Evidence.

01:46:37.000 Bye-bye.

01:46:39.000 Home to mommy.

01:46:40.000 Good times.

01:46:40.000 You get another gun.

01:46:42.000 And it's funny.

01:46:43.000 I went down there.

01:46:44.000 I wasn't even carrying.

01:46:46.000 My buddy was DJing the party and he had his gun.

01:46:49.000 And he goes, bro, he goes, do me a favor.

01:46:51.000 Hold my gun because as he's leaning over the table as he's DJing, he's like, it's bothering me.

01:46:57.000 So I took his, I had his gun.

01:46:59.000 Wow.

01:47:00.000 Wasn't even my piece.

01:47:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:04.000 Good times.

01:47:05.000 Good times.

01:47:06.000 That was probably 93?

01:47:09.000 Okay.

01:47:10.000 Good year, man.

01:47:11.000 Did you see Kamal Harris's Wakanda Forever video?

01:47:15.000 Yes, I did.

01:47:15.000 I think it's a joke.

01:47:16.000 It is a Colbert.

01:47:17.000 It is.

01:47:18.000 It's a Colbert.

01:47:18.000 You can tell it's a joke.

01:47:20.000 And there's always.

01:47:21.000 Wakanda Forever.

01:47:24.000 Paid for by Kamala Harris.

01:47:26.000 Yeah, you can tell the joke because she actually is sane in it.

01:47:30.000 She's really retarded.

01:47:31.000 And we are dealing with the dumbest administration in American history.

01:47:34.000 It was the greatest.

01:47:35.000 It's not that bad quite yet.

01:47:37.000 My name is Kamala Harris.

01:47:38.000 I am vice president.

01:47:39.000 I am a woman.

01:47:40.000 My pronouns are blue.

01:47:42.000 He, her.

01:47:42.000 I'm wearing a blue blazer.

01:47:47.000 She's so vapid.

01:47:49.000 It's like.

01:47:52.000 She does suck.

01:47:52.000 We got 2-3-1 on the line if you want.

01:47:54.000 Okay.

01:47:54.000 You've been waiting for me.

01:47:58.000 Hey, have you guys seen or covered the Bruin ruling that the Supreme Court has recently done?

01:48:07.000 What are you calling on an orange?

01:48:09.000 What the fuck is going on with your phone there, E.T.?

01:48:13.000 I know.

01:48:13.000 I miss landlines, right?

01:48:17.000 I don't usually miss landlines, but this is grim.

01:48:20.000 I know.

01:48:21.000 I do want to call into you guys' show.

01:48:24.000 Have you heard about the Bruin case, though, with the Second Amendment and the Supreme Court?

01:48:29.000 Yes.

01:48:30.000 They basically said, and now California and New York and different states are basically going right against that and saying, no, we're going to ban this or that.

01:48:40.000 But the Supreme Court basically says, like, there shouldn't be any gun laws, which is what the.

01:48:45.000 Right.

01:48:45.000 The Supreme Court said this is ridiculous that certain people are eligible for guns and others aren't based on power and fame or some shit.

01:48:55.000 Every American's eligible for a gun.

01:48:58.000 And that's a big deal in New York State and California.

01:49:02.000 And the states are refusing to honor that decision.

01:49:08.000 And well, they went even further, though, when they did, I think Clarence Thomas, they basically said, if you can't go back to the time of the founding and find something that is analogous to that, I don't even know if that's a word, to the end of the laws today,

01:49:24.000 then it's not a law.

01:49:25.000 So basically, Maddie could have a gun.

01:49:27.000 You know, anybody, like, any gun law is illegal, basically, because if you read the Second Amendment, it just shall not be infringed.

01:49:34.000 Right, true.

01:49:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:49:36.000 The way I see it is, the way I see it is, I've broken the law.

01:49:42.000 I went in front of the criminal justice system.

01:49:45.000 I was issued a punishment.

01:49:47.000 I went and served that punishment, and I am free from all prejudice.

01:49:56.000 I don't want to say, what is it, handicapped?

01:50:00.000 Restrictions.

01:50:02.000 That's the way it works.

01:50:02.000 When you're grounded, you're bad.

01:50:05.000 You let your bike get stolen because you didn't lock it.

01:50:08.000 Your parents say you're not getting a new bike, and you're grounded for two weeks.

01:50:13.000 After those two weeks, you may even get a bike, by the way.

01:50:16.000 Yeah.

01:50:16.000 But you no longer are guilty of letting your bike get stolen.

01:50:20.000 The legal term is called a relief of disabilities.

01:50:24.000 Like in New York State, when they say convicted felons can't vote, that's not true.

01:50:30.000 While you're incarcerated in custody or on probation or parole, your right to vote is suspended.

01:50:38.000 Once you get relieved of, once you've paid your, served all your time and done your business.

01:50:44.000 But can't some convicts that are doing time also vote?

01:50:46.000 Two states in America allow it.

01:50:48.000 Vermont is one, and I believe it's Rhode Island.

01:50:53.000 I know Vermont for sure because there was a guy with me in federal prison.

01:50:57.000 His name was Kip Scanlon.

01:50:59.000 He was for bank robbery, and he was allowed, he voted while we were in prison.

01:51:06.000 So I know what you're saying.

01:51:07.000 You're about to say that I did my crime.

01:51:10.000 I did my time.

01:51:11.000 I should be an American citizen again.

01:51:13.000 Right.

01:51:14.000 I should be able to enjoy all my God-given unalienable rights.

01:51:18.000 You should get TSA pre-check.

01:51:21.000 You should be able to carry a gun.

01:51:23.000 You should be able to go to Canada.

01:51:26.000 You can't do any of that shit.

01:51:27.000 Well, Canada has their own laws.

01:51:28.000 It's a different country.

01:51:30.000 Yeah, I understand, but it's still the West.

01:51:32.000 And in the Western world, you should be punished for a crime.

01:51:37.000 We all agree on that.

01:51:38.000 But once you're done, I've been punished.

01:51:41.000 Why is there other shit?

01:51:42.000 Why are you fucking dragging me down for the rest of my life?

01:51:45.000 Even probation and all this, those dumb classes you might take.

01:51:49.000 Update.

01:51:50.000 Joe Tonelli called me today.

01:51:54.000 He's finished with court.

01:51:57.000 He what?

01:51:58.000 He's finished with court.

01:51:59.000 Six months probation.

01:52:01.000 Wait, I thought his trial, James told me his trial was delayed again.

01:52:04.000 He called me today.

01:52:06.000 What time, dude?

01:52:07.000 What time?

01:52:08.000 Because James told me at like 3 p.m.

01:52:11.000 I'll tell you right now.

01:52:15.000 Where's my call?

01:52:17.000 Because you don't seem to agree with me on this.

01:52:20.000 I think Joe is a genius.

01:52:22.000 He called me at 4 p.m.

01:52:23.000 He's retarded.

01:52:23.000 4.29 p.m.

01:52:24.000 In some ways, he's a genius.

01:52:26.000 In some ways, he's retarded.

01:52:27.000 Okay, I think James talked to me before that.

01:52:29.000 4.29 p.m.

01:52:30.000 He keeps feigning an illness right before his court date.

01:52:35.000 And apparently it works.

01:52:37.000 You just keep going to the hospital before you have your trial, and they keep delaying your trial until eventually the system goes, you know what?

01:52:46.000 You're innocent.

01:52:48.000 It works.

01:52:49.000 That's how shitty our justice system is now.

01:52:51.000 Just keep getting sick before the date.

01:52:55.000 You can't say, I'm tired.

01:52:57.000 I want to sleep in.

01:52:59.000 I have a golf game that day, obviously.

01:53:01.000 But if there's a hospital report, and he did it like four times.

01:53:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:53:08.000 So he's not, the guy is so retarded, he's smart.

01:53:11.000 The guy is not going to do any time for drunk driving.

01:53:15.000 Zero.

01:53:16.000 Six months probation.

01:53:17.000 Well, you told me this was a dumb plan.

01:53:20.000 I think it's a good plan.

01:53:21.000 It worked.

01:53:23.000 And it's getting dropped down to a violation, not even a crime.

01:53:27.000 He has to do 90 days mad, which his mother's against drunk driving, and 90 days community service.

01:53:34.000 The dumbest guy you and I know, not including mentally ill people like Linda and Al and others, beat the system.

01:53:44.000 Pretty much.

01:53:45.000 Hey, Gav, Moto Maddie, and Bag of Fag Long Bangs, Ryan.

01:53:52.000 I like that nickname.

01:53:54.000 Bag of Fag Longbangs.

01:53:56.000 Bag of Long Bangs.

01:53:57.000 I don't like it.

01:53:58.000 Bag of Fag Boff Lob.

01:54:02.000 It's the Texas Pilot.

01:54:03.000 Bag of Fag Longbangs.

01:54:05.000 I don't like it at all.

01:54:06.000 Yeah, because it's accurate and it hurts you.

01:54:09.000 You have hurt me today.

01:54:10.000 It's the Texas Pilot here.

01:54:11.000 Just wanted to let you know the whole family loves the content.

01:54:13.000 It's the best money ever spent.

01:54:15.000 R.I.P. Bubba.

01:54:16.000 Oh, this is the guy who flew to Bubba and Hank's.

01:54:18.000 Oh, nice.

01:54:20.000 Can't wait to celebrate when all the guys get out.

01:54:22.000 Can I get a quick Joker face, buddy?

01:54:25.000 I can't be doing Joker faces.

01:54:27.000 No, dude.

01:54:28.000 That's a win.

01:54:30.000 We're trying to do a show.

01:54:31.000 We've got a lot to cover here.

01:54:33.000 The idea of just spontaneously doing Joker faces when anyone throws some money at Max and John is untenable.

01:54:41.000 It's ridiculous.

01:54:43.000 It's not going to happen.

01:54:43.000 So I don't want anyone else asking for joker faces because this isn't a monk order in.

01:54:53.000 It's not a Joker face on demand.

01:55:12.000 I love it.

01:55:13.000 Damn.

01:55:15.000 I haven't done it.

01:55:15.000 I'm going to fly in there, bud.

01:55:18.000 Did that with such fervor.

01:55:19.000 I feel like we're back.

01:55:21.000 We're back, boys.

01:55:22.000 What do you mean we're back?

01:55:23.000 After a good Joker face, it's our time.

01:55:26.000 So the show sucked?

01:55:27.000 No, we're in our moment, though, now.

01:55:29.000 We weren't really before, but now we are.

01:55:31.000 Why are you talking?

01:55:33.000 Flowstate?

01:55:34.000 Are you lying to me?

01:55:36.000 By the way, the guy who made this shirt just texted me and said, finally, I made the live stream.

01:55:40.000 Dude, this is the second time we've worn this.

01:55:42.000 We wore the black one before.

01:55:44.000 And by the way, the guy who made these shirts, I don't want to speak out of term, but he's a major player at Nickelodeon.

01:55:50.000 I know you just shit your pants there, dude.

01:55:52.000 Hell yeah.

01:55:53.000 But you'd be surprised how many baby monsters there are in top positions.

01:55:58.000 MLB, Mets, artists, rappers.

01:56:04.000 They won't let me say their names.

01:56:06.000 They won't endorse the company publicly.

01:56:09.000 Professional fighters, coaches.

01:56:13.000 I'm never going to give them up.

01:56:14.000 I think we've spilled those beans before.

01:56:16.000 But this is not an esoteric show here.

01:56:19.000 You'd be surprised how mainstream it is.

01:56:20.000 Didn't I tell you to veto that background?

01:56:22.000 Yeah, but we have $10 saying we should use it.

01:56:25.000 Oh, I see.

01:56:26.000 I missed the OG GML bookshelf and trinkets to be courtesy directed.

01:56:30.000 I think it's cool that it's like, it's like, you know, it harkens back to the days of yore.

01:56:36.000 I'm hearkening back to the time when I didn't have to piss my pants.

01:56:39.000 Oh, okay.

01:56:40.000 Retard coming with it.

01:56:41.000 Yeah, this guy paid twice.

01:56:44.000 I joined a gym recently that has a pool.

01:56:46.000 So I have two gyms now to make up for leaving my old gym.

01:56:49.000 But I thought it'd be funny to be in my bathing suit at the pool and be like, oh, shit, oh, shit.

01:56:55.000 You get the towel when you walk in.

01:56:56.000 You're like, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

01:56:59.000 And jump in the towel down.

01:57:00.000 And then you jump in the pool.

01:57:06.000 Awesome, bro.

01:57:07.000 And then you get, you don't even like go swimming.

01:57:09.000 You just get back out again and you're like, sit on a loud.

01:57:12.000 Can I get a beer?

01:57:14.000 Other beer?

01:57:15.000 I always thought that would be a great episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm to have Larry David go up to someone and be like, I saw you come in here.

01:57:23.000 Is that a girl?

01:57:24.000 You drank a lot of beer.

01:57:26.000 A liner?

01:57:27.000 Can we film that?

01:57:28.000 Can we do hidden camera shit where they zoom in on their faces and be like, I don't want to get kicked out of another place.

01:57:33.000 Yeah.

01:57:34.000 But have Larry David go up and be like, I saw you come in here.

01:57:38.000 You've been drinking a lot of beer.

01:57:40.000 And you seem to have a swim after every beer.

01:57:43.000 And it's not a long swim.

01:57:46.000 And the guy's like, so what's your point?

01:57:47.000 Just refreshing off in the water.

01:57:49.000 I know you're pissing in the pool.

01:57:51.000 I'm watching you.

01:57:53.000 I'm counting your pisses.

01:57:55.000 There's no PA.

01:57:56.000 Larry, if you're looking for a writer for Kirby Enthusiasm, I am available for bits.

01:58:02.000 Oh, Ryan, by the way, did we cover this?

01:58:06.000 Qua.

01:58:06.000 Someone said, yes, Gavin.

01:58:08.000 Ryan was wrong to play that Kirby Your Enthusiasm ending.

01:58:11.000 Oh, yeah, I saw that.

01:58:12.000 Here's a better one.

01:58:13.000 Did we play that already?

01:58:14.000 No, we did not.

01:58:15.000 It's here in orange.

01:58:16.000 We skipped right over it.

01:58:17.000 Oh, okay.

01:58:18.000 Ryan, next time Gavin is in Larry David mode, use this one instead of that theme song.

01:58:25.000 The theme song means you fucked up.

01:58:27.000 This song is more like you're being a Larry David.

01:58:30.000 Okay.

01:58:34.000 You burst it!

01:58:39.000 Yeah, see an angle?

01:58:42.000 You guys have heard my story with that, right?

01:58:45.000 He was being interviewed, and he said, why'd you choose that song?

01:58:50.000 And he goes, oh, I just love, it was an old Italian opera song, and I just thought it perfectly summed up the sort of slapstick that I wanted to do with the show.

01:58:58.000 And then we were doing a commercial about a year after I heard him say that.

01:59:03.000 And we're going through free music because we don't want to pay.

01:59:08.000 And we're going through old-timey, like trombone music, whatever.

01:59:13.000 And we find that fucking song.

01:59:14.000 Larry David chose that song because it's free.

01:59:18.000 Because he's a creep-ass Jew.

01:59:20.000 You're never fired.

01:59:21.000 McGarden David, be raised and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 29, 2022

GOML LIVE #159 - BLIND OR PARALYZED?

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