Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #160

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.

00:00:38.000 You like the strip, I like it too.

00:00:49.000 I like it too.

00:00:51.000 Do you mind if you trippin' you?

00:00:52.000 I just button.

00:00:56.000 That thing goes on my chips.

00:00:58.000 Strut so hard with the truth and bag.

00:01:00.000 Get your way into my number.

00:01:03.000 Having a strutton don't cause a doubt.

00:01:07.000 Hello, rubber.

00:01:08.000 Strutton.

00:01:09.000 Who was that by, Ryan?

00:01:11.000 Some gay fucking band.

00:01:12.000 I hate seeing butt cheeks.

00:01:14.000 That's so gay.

00:01:15.000 Whoa, you're doing.

00:01:15.000 I do not like the butt cheeks.

00:01:16.000 Ryan, I own chaps.

00:01:18.000 You don't.

00:01:19.000 Well, I'm sure you wear stuff under the chaps.

00:01:21.000 Sure.

00:01:22.000 Unless it's hot.

00:01:23.000 It's just, I like, it's so gross to see butt cheeks, guys, butt cheeks.

00:01:27.000 That's disgusting.

00:01:28.000 That's gay.

00:01:29.000 So what's the name of the band?

00:01:30.000 Oh.

00:01:32.000 They're called the Humpasaurus.

00:01:35.000 Oh, yeah, Humpasaurus.

00:01:36.000 Bunch of sexy guys.

00:01:38.000 Similar to Primus.

00:01:41.000 Yeah, I can see that.

00:01:42.000 When we were setting up the show, Ryan was playing like Cambrian Cobria.

00:01:47.000 No, it was not.

00:01:48.000 Fucking garbage.

00:01:49.000 It was not Cohed.

00:01:50.000 Guitar Center teacher, garbage shit.

00:01:54.000 And then I put on, or someone, he puts on Rock the Casbah, but it comes on.

00:01:59.000 I put it on.

00:02:00.000 Yeah, but it's because of me you put it on.

00:02:01.000 So I put it on.

00:02:03.000 And I go, see, how can you not objectively see that this song is better than the Guitar Center shit you were playing?

00:02:09.000 And he's like, I want to see what the new guys are up to.

00:02:11.000 I want to see what the new guys are.

00:02:13.000 That's old stuff.

00:02:14.000 Okay, that dumb song is new.

00:02:18.000 That's funny and weird and interesting.

00:02:20.000 Like, your Guitar Center shit is fucking garbage.

00:02:25.000 It's for people who teach guitar.

00:02:27.000 I do teach guitar.

00:02:29.000 And because you're Puerto Rican, that means you don't teach guitar.

00:02:32.000 I've taught.

00:02:33.000 To who?

00:02:34.000 My daughter for one night?

00:02:36.000 I've taught other people guitar.

00:02:38.000 How many times?

00:02:39.000 My friend Frank Howell, I taught him how to play.

00:02:40.000 It's nothing guitar.

00:02:42.000 And Free Fallen.

00:02:44.000 Play that shit you were playing before, just so everyone can see your terrible taste in music.

00:02:48.000 Okay, warning, this is a banger.

00:02:50.000 Let me guess.

00:02:50.000 It's this is the tag zone music.

00:03:02.000 I work out to that.

00:03:03.000 It's like Emo Motley Crew.

00:03:05.000 It's fucking embarrassing.

00:03:06.000 You should be embarrassed.

00:03:08.000 It's tight.

00:03:09.000 Welcome back, Maddie Odell.

00:03:11.000 Hey, everybody.

00:03:12.000 Good to see you.

00:03:13.000 So I hate your taste in music.

00:03:17.000 That's fine.

00:03:18.000 It's not different.

00:03:19.000 It doesn't shake me one little eye.

00:03:21.000 It's not like when I see someone into polka music and I go, oh, I don't get that.

00:03:24.000 Or someone into rap.

00:03:25.000 And I'm like, I'm not a big rap guy or a country I respect.

00:03:27.000 But your taste in music doesn't slap.

00:03:31.000 Oh, it slaps.

00:03:32.000 And you know how I react when you tell me my music doesn't slap?

00:03:36.000 You play Melissa Etheridge again and say, that don't impress me much.

00:03:40.000 Shania, how dare you?

00:03:41.000 I do this.

00:03:42.000 I go.

00:03:46.000 Is that a booger?

00:03:47.000 Oh, so you do one of my jokes when I insult you?

00:03:49.000 Okay, I got you.

00:03:50.000 Maybe that's from yesterday.

00:03:51.000 I didn't remember eating that.

00:03:54.000 You could teach me how to play the guitar.

00:03:56.000 I could, and I can, and I will.

00:03:58.000 Cover the New York Post, 10 people, 945 days, 485 crimes.

00:04:04.000 Most are still free.

00:04:05.000 It is a fucking war zone in this town, folks.

00:04:09.000 An absolute shithole war zone.

00:04:11.000 I saw the Daily Mail.

00:04:12.000 I just sent you this.

00:04:13.000 They found one of these guys, these career criminals.

00:04:17.000 Me?

00:04:18.000 New York City's most, oh, not anymore, dude.

00:04:22.000 You did like four crimes that you got caught for.

00:04:26.000 This guy has been arrested how many times?

00:04:29.000 101 arrests.

00:04:30.000 Wow.

00:04:31.000 It's like Dalmatians.

00:04:32.000 For repeated raids on Target and other stores.

00:04:35.000 Raids.

00:04:36.000 You raided Target many times.

00:04:38.000 And you see this guy, Harold Gooden, and you're like, he's a master thief.

00:04:43.000 He's like in that new, speaking of 101 Dalmatians, that new Disney movie that's all a punky that my daughter watched and loved, the girl with the half black hair with cursing dunce.

00:04:56.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:04:58.000 No, no.

00:04:58.000 That one passed me by.

00:05:00.000 The new like Cruella Deville thing.

00:05:02.000 It's a history of Corella Deville.

00:05:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:05.000 And it didn't pass you by.

00:05:06.000 You watched it as an adult.

00:05:08.000 You said new.

00:05:09.000 That was two years ago.

00:05:10.000 Yeah.

00:05:11.000 Well, in the history film, it's considered pretty new.

00:05:14.000 But, you know, those kind of bad guys, those kind of career criminals who like steal a locket?

00:05:19.000 Do you see the numbers, though?

00:05:20.000 101 arrests, 15 convictions.

00:05:24.000 Not a good ratio.

00:05:26.000 No.

00:05:27.000 See, when I see this guy, I don't think of like the old burglar like in Disney cartoons where they have the black thing around, they have the striped thing.

00:05:36.000 This guy is an imbecile.

00:05:41.000 Like, I don't think he's...

00:05:42.000 Hello?

00:05:45.000 I don't think it goes up.

00:05:47.000 Ryan.

00:05:48.000 Oh, turn the whole thing up.

00:05:50.000 I don't think this guy is like, oh, I've got a new plan to invade Target this time where we're going to go through the back door.

00:05:56.000 Like, you watch Better Call Saul, the new Better Call Sauls, and he starts giving the security guards Cinnabons.

00:06:03.000 And he notices that it takes him like 3.8 seconds to eat a Cinnabon, and he's not looking at the screens when he eats it.

00:06:10.000 So then he plans an attack to rob all these stores based on 3.8 minutes.

00:06:16.000 The guy hits his head and gets knocked out, and that fucks up the whole plan.

00:06:19.000 But the point is that there's some scheming going on.

00:06:22.000 I don't think this is a schemer.

00:06:23.000 No, that's the guy sitting on a milk crate in front of the bodega around the corner.

00:06:27.000 Yeah, this is a lemur.

00:06:28.000 Not a schemer.

00:06:29.000 This is a...

00:06:30.000 Look at the fucking art he likes.

00:06:32.000 This is a retard.

00:06:34.000 This is a guy who would make Ryan Rivera look like a super genius.

00:06:40.000 He is a super genius.

00:06:44.000 According to our sources, Ryan Catsu Rivera was caught on hidden camera being a secret genius and liking the coolest music that actually slaps.

00:06:55.000 Speaking of genius, I want to give you guys a little brain teaser.

00:06:59.000 Sure.

00:07:00.000 Okay, I sent you a picture, Ryan, and I want all three of us to try to figure it out.

00:07:05.000 Gotcha.

00:07:06.000 Truth be told, I spent 20 minutes on this and I think I got it, so I'm cheating.

00:07:12.000 And I think Maddie might come close.

00:07:16.000 But I could lock Ryan in a cell for three years.

00:07:22.000 I would not like that.

00:07:23.000 And I could be like, Ryan, you can get out the second you solve this mystery.

00:07:28.000 What the fuck happened here?

00:07:30.000 The second you solve it, you're out.

00:07:32.000 I know what it is already.

00:07:33.000 Okay, what happened?

00:07:34.000 That's the fucking tracks that a fucking horseshoe crab makes.

00:07:37.000 Okay.

00:07:40.000 We're not, that's the step one.

00:07:44.000 So what happened here?

00:07:45.000 Go back to the picture.

00:07:47.000 That's a horseshoe crab in the middle.

00:07:50.000 Right?

00:07:50.000 So it went in a circle?

00:07:52.000 Yeah.

00:07:53.000 Okay, why is it where the circle meets the main track, there's no overlap?

00:07:59.000 There's a disturbance there behind his tail.

00:08:02.000 Yes, but where at the top there, where the loop meets itself, there's no disturbance.

00:08:11.000 So it had to have started there.

00:08:15.000 Or maybe he was there and another one walked around him.

00:08:19.000 What do you think, Ryan?

00:08:21.000 Hmm.

00:08:23.000 Still, yeah.

00:08:25.000 Unfortunately, Maddie nailed it, so Ryan can just sit here.

00:08:29.000 I don't see those anymore.

00:08:30.000 Like when I was a kid growing up, at the beach, there was horseshoe crabs everywhere.

00:08:36.000 That's why it looks like tire tracks in the sand.

00:08:39.000 Right.

00:08:40.000 Here's what happened.

00:08:41.000 You ready?

00:08:42.000 The horseshoe crab you saw is dead.

00:08:45.000 So go back to the picture.

00:08:47.000 The tide's coming in and out, in and out.

00:08:49.000 A horseshoe crab is deposited where that braid meets the tracks.

00:08:56.000 That's where it lands from scratch.

00:09:00.000 The water washes out.

00:09:01.000 The dead horseshoe crab is already there.

00:09:04.000 It then goes ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket.

00:09:07.000 Wait, the other way.

00:09:08.000 Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticklish.

00:09:11.000 Counterclockwise.

00:09:12.000 Yeah, counterclockwise.

00:09:14.000 No, wait.

00:09:15.000 Yeah, counterclockwise.

00:09:16.000 It comes across the dead horseshoe crab, doesn't give a shit, walks over the tail of that horseshoe crab, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, keeps going north.

00:09:27.000 That's what happened.

00:09:29.000 That horseshoe crab you see has nothing to do with those horseshoe crab tracks.

00:09:35.000 It's a red herring.

00:09:36.000 That is your conjecture and surmise because we have no proof.

00:09:40.000 Now, can you imagine how long Ryan would be in a cell trying to understand even the question?

00:09:48.000 And this is why we should annex Puerto Rico.

00:09:51.000 Just let it go.

00:09:53.000 Why do we have Puerto Rico?

00:09:55.000 It's only a Commonwealth.

00:09:56.000 It's like Guam.

00:09:57.000 I know, but they get our welfare.

00:10:00.000 Cut them loose.

00:10:02.000 What have they brought us besides Ryan Rivera?

00:10:05.000 And the only reason he has an IQ is because his penis injected a Puerto Rican with some Japanese sperm.

00:10:11.000 There are some hot Puerto Rican chicks.

00:10:13.000 Yes, I'm not going to deny that.

00:10:15.000 They are cardiovascular.

00:10:18.000 So that's the only reason we have Puerto Rico is for sexiness?

00:10:21.000 And they're good boxers.

00:10:23.000 Like who?

00:10:24.000 It's questionable.

00:10:26.000 I don't know.

00:10:26.000 Coco?

00:10:27.000 Is that one?

00:10:28.000 Coco, the gorilla?

00:10:29.000 Coto?

00:10:30.000 Yeah.

00:10:32.000 I got my guys on.

00:10:34.000 What about these?

00:10:35.000 But you can't do these.

00:10:39.000 What are those?

00:10:40.000 The diving bell that Cylock Fox and Max Mouse are using has snapped its chain.

00:10:47.000 A rescue team can reach Skylock and Max within 20 minutes, but there are only 50 minutes of air left.

00:10:53.000 What will Skylock do?

00:10:57.000 Can he just open that and they can swim up?

00:11:00.000 Let's see.

00:11:01.000 Solution.

00:11:02.000 He will use the lug wrench to remove the sunken car's tires and release the air into the diving bell.

00:11:09.000 Oh, that's weird.

00:11:10.000 Yeah.

00:11:11.000 But wait a minute.

00:11:11.000 How do we know that the lug wrench will open that door?

00:11:17.000 The sunken car's tires.

00:11:18.000 Oh, release their air into the diving bell.

00:11:21.000 Is that good air?

00:11:22.000 Is that breathable air?

00:11:24.000 Check this one out, but don't read the...

00:11:25.000 Maybe in a pinch.

00:11:26.000 I wouldn't want to take it right out of the fucking tire.

00:11:31.000 Two treasure hunters are trying to divide items they retrieved from an undersea shipwreck.

00:11:35.000 How does Slylock Fox suggest the quarreling shipmates arrange their split so that way each feels equally satisfied?

00:11:44.000 Well, that's easy.

00:11:44.000 They break each and every item in two, and they each take half.

00:11:48.000 Hmm.

00:11:50.000 Let's see.

00:11:50.000 Anyway, we should.

00:11:52.000 Well, let's see if you're right.

00:11:53.000 Can you print out the sponsors tonight, Ryan?

00:11:57.000 I think our ad sales guy is back.

00:11:59.000 Yes.

00:12:00.000 I don't know what's going on.

00:12:01.000 Sladlock suggests one partner divide the items into two piles and the other partner be given first.

00:12:06.000 That's how you split a cookie.

00:12:07.000 That's like the problem with your retard kid ones is they're so simple that it's impossible to figure out how retarded they are.

00:12:16.000 I see.

00:12:17.000 Like everyone knows if you want to split something with someone, the other guy cuts it and then the other guy chooses.

00:12:22.000 That's from like kindergarten.

00:12:28.000 But way to take my totally cool thing and make it kindergarten.

00:12:34.000 Yes, we'd like to thank our sponsors tonight.

00:12:36.000 I think we have some new ones.

00:12:37.000 Ryan, are they behind you?

00:12:39.000 Yep, they're printing right now.

00:12:41.000 Let's start with Nita Fashions.

00:12:43.000 Haven't given them a shout out in a while.

00:12:45.000 I usually wear a suit on the show, and when I wear a suit, don't worry about printing out the others until I'm done this readout.

00:12:50.000 Focus on pulling up Nita Fashions.

00:12:53.000 The way it works is you contact them.

00:12:55.000 Now, there's a million ways you can do this, obviously.

00:12:57.000 But what I'm noticing is the pattern with our Viewers, our subscribers, and that is they contact them on their Instagram page, they DM them.

00:13:05.000 This is what the kids are up to today.

00:13:08.000 And they say, Hey, I'd like to meet you online.

00:13:14.000 And so they meet online and they set up a meeting where they get measured.

00:13:19.000 And the guy's girlfriend, whatever, does all the various basic chest measurements, inseam, all that stuff.

00:13:27.000 The next thing you know, they have like a blueprint of your body.

00:13:30.000 And then you can start going through swatches, suits.

00:13:32.000 I sent them a suit I saw in an old-timey picture and they made it.

00:13:36.000 But once they have your blueprint, then they can make anything for you.

00:13:40.000 A suit, a shirt, a cheap $50 shirt, a super thick, cool, high-quality $250 shirt.

00:13:48.000 Whatever you want.

00:13:49.000 You can have one suit, you can have 100 suits.

00:13:52.000 Every time, almost every time you see me wearing a suit on the show, it's Anita Fashion Suit.

00:13:56.000 And I got to say, it's one of the most comfortable experiences in the world to have a suit that is personally tailored to you.

00:14:04.000 It feels amazing.

00:14:05.000 What's going on with that second picture there with the black guy?

00:14:07.000 That looks like a dress.

00:14:10.000 Is he wearing a dress?

00:14:11.000 He's obscured by a stump.

00:14:13.000 Oh, you're banned from the internet.

00:14:16.000 So I can't even click the picture.

00:14:18.000 I thought you were going to use mine.

00:14:20.000 I can log in with yours?

00:14:21.000 I don't care.

00:14:22.000 Oh, I see.

00:14:22.000 There's a stump in the way.

00:14:23.000 That would be funny if they just made a nice dress.

00:14:25.000 You know, one time I was getting fitted for Need of Fashions, because they also, I didn't mention this, because the odds of it matching up with you are pretty low, but they also do these tours, whether in New York, Glasgow, fucking San Diego, San Jose,

00:14:42.000 whatever.

00:14:42.000 They're all over the world.

00:14:44.000 And you go and get fitted for that.

00:14:46.000 And then one time I was there and there was a woman there.

00:14:50.000 And I was like, what are you doing here?

00:14:54.000 Why do you guys always have to come to our things?

00:14:57.000 And I said to the guys, I go, what's going on with her?

00:14:59.000 And they go, oh, she wants like a custom skirt and stuff.

00:15:02.000 And female clients are tough because they always want, you know, you to revamp it and they don't like the way it turns here and twists there.

00:15:09.000 And I was like, it's like a woman showing up to a barbershop, which happens all the time.

00:15:15.000 And you go, can we have, we don't want a lot of areas.

00:15:19.000 We want barbershops, custom fittings with tailors, and dive bars.

00:15:26.000 I think that's it.

00:15:27.000 Yeah, I can live on that.

00:15:28.000 That's all we ask.

00:15:30.000 It's like the gays.

00:15:32.000 We gave them Israel.

00:15:33.000 We gave them the West Village.

00:15:35.000 And then we see the East Village.

00:15:37.000 They're all holding hands.

00:15:38.000 And I'm like, no problem with the gays.

00:15:42.000 I moved into the city when I was 18 in 1988.

00:15:44.000 I've never not been around gays, but we gave you a quadrant.

00:15:48.000 We gave you a zone.

00:15:49.000 Christopher Street.

00:15:51.000 And then you go to Hell's Kitchen, and it's feather boas and leather pants and holding hands.

00:15:55.000 And you're like, wait, so now you have the lower west side, the lower east side, and the upper, sort of the upper east side.

00:16:07.000 Sort of the southern upper east side.

00:16:10.000 Like, guys, they just keep fucking spreading.

00:16:12.000 And it's the same with women.

00:16:13.000 Anyway, I'm not sure they'd like me shitting on brads in our Nita Fashions segment.

00:16:19.000 They make a kilt.

00:16:20.000 What?

00:16:20.000 Would they make a kilt?

00:16:21.000 I'm sure they can.

00:16:22.000 Nice.

00:16:23.000 Dude, I sent them a Jesse James suit and they made it.

00:16:26.000 Sweet.

00:16:27.000 So anyway, check out Nita Fashions.

00:16:28.000 Make sure you drop our name for a discount.

00:16:30.000 It's not really a specific thing, like 20% off if you say Gavin.

00:16:34.000 It's more of a vibe.

00:16:35.000 But they'll give you a good deal.

00:16:37.000 And then once they have your blueprint, and they can, if you get fat or skinny, they can incorporate that.

00:16:43.000 You just resize yourself.

00:16:45.000 But then you just look at a swatch, you look at a shirt, you look at a suit, and then you just have them make it, and it arrives in the mail.

00:16:51.000 It's fucking awesome.

00:16:56.000 Wow, it's amazing how fast the first half hour goes.

00:17:00.000 We're almost done.

00:17:03.000 Did you see that chick, the pot chick, who brought the vape pens?

00:17:06.000 People think she's a dude now?

00:17:10.000 Oh, she got her.

00:17:11.000 Brittany Grenier, gender, speculated after old Instagram image showing her to be a man goes viral.

00:17:18.000 On sentencing day, she got her boots smoked.

00:17:24.000 That might be cool if you get sentenced to a Russian prison.

00:17:28.000 Some hot...

00:17:29.000 Well, she doesn't like America.

00:17:31.000 Yes.

00:17:32.000 Well, she got nine years.

00:17:33.000 Yeah.

00:17:34.000 He got nine years, it looks like.

00:17:36.000 Look at this guy.

00:17:36.000 Did you hear his voice?

00:17:39.000 No?

00:17:40.000 Oh, she pled guilty to my charges.

00:17:42.000 I understand everything that's being said against me, the charges that are against me, and that is why I pled guilty.

00:17:50.000 But I had no intent to break any Russian laws.

00:17:54.000 I never meant to hurt anybody.

00:17:56.000 I never meant to put in jeopardy the Russian population.

00:18:00.000 I never meant to break any laws here.

00:18:03.000 I made an honest mistake, and I hope that in the room that it doesn't end my life here.

00:18:12.000 That's like the guy that trains us.

00:18:15.000 Ryan.

00:18:16.000 Yeah.

00:18:17.000 Similar.

00:18:18.000 Similar vibes.

00:18:18.000 I feel really bad for that guy, girl.

00:18:21.000 Why?

00:18:22.000 I don't know.

00:18:22.000 It feels like nine years seems a little tough in a rush.

00:18:25.000 Nine years is pretty nuts.

00:18:26.000 That's fucked up.

00:18:27.000 Playing on her basketball team just in America, she was making a quarter of a million dollars a year.

00:18:32.000 She's in the 1%.

00:18:34.000 But then she started petitioning that she's not going to stand for the next year.

00:18:38.000 I get that.

00:18:39.000 I get that.

00:18:40.000 But do you want your political opponents to go to jail for 10 years?

00:18:43.000 No.

00:18:44.000 She's like everything.

00:18:46.000 I hate her guts.

00:18:47.000 Don't get her.

00:18:47.000 You break the law and you get caught.

00:18:49.000 I hate his guts.

00:18:51.000 Let's go back to that tit pic.

00:18:53.000 Is there any evidence of surgery?

00:18:56.000 Is there a scar under that tit?

00:18:58.000 I don't think there was.

00:18:58.000 S-I-R.

00:19:01.000 What?

00:19:02.000 Sir?

00:19:03.000 Jury?

00:19:04.000 He puts the sir in surgery?

00:19:06.000 And he got convicted by a jury, so sir, first jury.

00:19:10.000 Ugh.

00:19:11.000 I hate you tonight.

00:19:13.000 But zoom in on that tit.

00:19:15.000 What's a guy tit?

00:19:17.000 Yeah, there's zero scarring there.

00:19:20.000 That's a dude's.

00:19:20.000 That's going to be Photoshop, though.

00:19:22.000 It's kind of blurry in like the.

00:19:24.000 Yeah, get closer.

00:19:25.000 But you would have to have her.

00:19:28.000 Right where her solar plex is?

00:19:30.000 It's like kind of.

00:19:31.000 It is a little blurry.

00:19:32.000 But she'll be completely shirtless on Instagram?

00:19:34.000 I believe nine years is extremely harsh for what she'd had.

00:19:39.000 Right, but you know why they're doing nine years, so they could argue that we need the death merchant back.

00:19:47.000 Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised.

00:19:49.000 Biden's such a pussy.

00:19:50.000 I wouldn't be surprised if not only do they get the death merchant back, the guy who was charged with trying to murder Americans, but they also get back another guy.

00:20:01.000 He's only got 10 more years to do on his sentence.

00:20:06.000 That guy.

00:20:08.000 He got 25 years.

00:20:11.000 Can you believe that?

00:20:12.000 They'll give people life for drugs, for selling drugs in America, but this guy's supplying everyone all over the world.

00:20:17.000 You convict him in Manhattan, and you give him 25 years.

00:20:21.000 Yeah.

00:20:22.000 Makes sense.

00:20:23.000 That's why they gave nine years, because this other guy has 10 years left.

00:20:26.000 It's symbolic.

00:20:28.000 What?

00:20:29.000 Yeah, it's like you give him 10 years, then I'm going to give her 10 years.

00:20:33.000 I don't think symbolic is the word.

00:20:35.000 They're trying to do a straight trade.

00:20:37.000 Tip for tat.

00:20:38.000 So it's, yeah, it's 10 versus 10.

00:20:41.000 Symbolic.

00:20:42.000 Like, just showcasing, you know, what I can do.

00:20:46.000 That is not a woman.

00:20:47.000 Yeah, no.

00:20:48.000 The first time I saw that video, I was like, that's a guy.

00:20:50.000 Kind of like.

00:20:51.000 The body of a guy.

00:20:53.000 Like, you know, a female's body.

00:20:55.000 Yeah.

00:20:55.000 Must be great, though, when you're a lesbian and you meet a chick and she has a penis and you're like, this is awesome.

00:21:00.000 I hate dudes.

00:21:01.000 I hate strap-ons.

00:21:02.000 They're hard to find.

00:21:02.000 You got to wash them.

00:21:03.000 Does she have an Adam's apple there?

00:21:05.000 Go back up like three seconds, Ryan?

00:21:07.000 Go and see what I'm doing.

00:21:07.000 Look at that.

00:21:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:10.000 And I'm pretty.

00:21:11.000 Just, come on.

00:21:13.000 Go and see what I can do.

00:21:15.000 And I'm pretty sure.

00:21:16.000 Go and see what I can do.

00:21:18.000 I'm really good at basketball.

00:21:21.000 So empowering seeing women play basketball.

00:21:26.000 Second reading of the day.

00:21:28.000 The comments.

00:21:30.000 Seems like a nice young fella.

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00:23:02.000 Nice.

00:23:03.000 We've got the Rackout Gummies.

00:23:05.000 Those put you to sleep.

00:23:07.000 Had one of those the other night.

00:23:08.000 Oh, yeah?

00:23:09.000 That's a military term, rackout.

00:23:11.000 Rackout.

00:23:12.000 What does rackout mean?

00:23:13.000 Rackout with rackout?

00:23:14.000 I'm about to commence rack ups.

00:23:16.000 You want to sleep?

00:23:17.000 THC free?

00:23:18.000 That's your red.

00:23:19.000 They call it your rack.

00:23:20.000 Oh, I see.

00:23:24.000 I've noticed, too, when you take gummies to sleep, your dreams are fascinating.

00:23:30.000 Like, bring the popcorn to bed.

00:23:31.000 You're about to go on a wild ride, boys.

00:23:34.000 I took one the other night to go to sleep.

00:23:36.000 And were your dreams crazy?

00:23:38.000 Yeah, they were very vivid.

00:23:40.000 But I slept well.

00:23:41.000 I think I only got it once.

00:23:45.000 You can try one?

00:23:47.000 I'm not going to try one now when I'm doing a show.

00:23:49.000 Good point.

00:23:50.000 You can try one.

00:23:51.000 I tried one.

00:23:51.000 It's THC free.

00:23:54.000 So it's not going to mess me up.

00:23:56.000 But they have Delta 8 and Delta 9 that I'm assuming will F you up.

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00:24:07.000 Welcome aboard.

00:24:08.000 Forward slash Gavin.

00:24:10.000 Dude, I almost went to our local today.

00:24:14.000 Guess what was going on?

00:24:17.000 At the local?

00:24:18.000 Yes.

00:24:20.000 A. Joe Tonelli is back.

00:24:24.000 Speaking his dumb shit.

00:24:25.000 Really?

00:24:26.000 Seriously?

00:24:27.000 Come on, Gavin.

00:24:28.000 Really?

00:24:29.000 He's back as a patron or an employee?

00:24:32.000 A patron.

00:24:34.000 I mean, yeah, yeah, patron.

00:24:37.000 Talking to Abigail, who it looks like she's going to the Academy Awards in the Caribbean and is a drag queen.

00:24:46.000 She's hard on the eyes.

00:24:48.000 First of all, she's hideous, but she dresses like a fucking weirdo drag queen.

00:24:53.000 Five-inch diletto heels, red leather short shorts.

00:24:57.000 Her hair's in a bun with jewelry on the bun.

00:25:01.000 And here's the, and I don't have a problem with any of that.

00:25:03.000 I'm ugly.

00:25:04.000 I'm fine.

00:25:05.000 But the fucking perfume hits the ceiling fans, and we're all dying.

00:25:11.000 Reliah Bill was literally in tears.

00:25:14.000 His eyes were watering.

00:25:15.000 Yeah.

00:25:15.000 He stumbled out of there.

00:25:19.000 So she's sitting down talking to Joe Tonelli in her weird, super formal gear.

00:25:24.000 Like, what?

00:25:25.000 Why do you dress like a drag queen at the Academy Awards?

00:25:27.000 It's a dive bar.

00:25:30.000 You're 40 minutes from Yonkers.

00:25:33.000 She takes an Uber.

00:25:34.000 Why'd you take an Uber?

00:25:36.000 What are you doing like that?

00:25:37.000 And if she's a Fed, why did they send the worst person in the world?

00:25:40.000 As I said the other day.

00:25:42.000 The only two senses she doesn't violate are taste and touch.

00:25:47.000 So she needs to shit on a piece of sandpaper and rub it on my tongue, and then she will have hit all five senses in a bad way.

00:25:56.000 Yeah.

00:25:57.000 Can we not do this, please?

00:26:00.000 Can we not do this?

00:26:02.000 And then it gets worse.

00:26:02.000 And then there's the Puerto Rican, or whatever he is, Italian Jew, Puerto Rican Jew, who plays all that weird yacht rock.

00:26:10.000 I'm going back to Florida.

00:26:11.000 And then sings his head off.

00:26:12.000 He's got to be on Coke, that guy.

00:26:14.000 He's on something.

00:26:16.000 And he doesn't share.

00:26:17.000 He's non-stop.

00:26:19.000 And I didn't go in.

00:26:20.000 I just heard from James that that's what's going on.

00:26:23.000 I'm like, three strikes are out.

00:26:24.000 I'm not going there.

00:26:25.000 Yeah, I would have paid it.

00:26:26.000 That would have been a hard no.

00:26:27.000 Can't do it.

00:26:28.000 Not going to do it.

00:26:29.000 Would have been a hard no.

00:26:30.000 To which and to whom, Mrs. Zoom.

00:26:34.000 Man.

00:26:36.000 Let's, we don't often cover actual news during this shit, but let's just for fun.

00:26:43.000 We were talking about this with Kumi on Wednesday, have a look at some of these mascots ignoring kids.

00:26:49.000 Because it seems like bullshit to me that a racist would work at Chuck E. Cheese or Sesame Place and be like, look, I like being a giant furry guy, but I'll tell you what, when these goddamn little piccolinis and these nigrettes come up to me,

00:27:07.000 I ain't touching them for shit.

00:27:10.000 Even though I got giant fur hands and I wouldn't really be touching them, I don't want them around me.

00:27:15.000 I ain't no furry pedo.

00:27:17.000 Fuck that.

00:27:18.000 Get them the fuck away.

00:27:19.000 Why are they even allowed at Sesame Place?

00:27:21.000 I want an all-white Sesame Place.

00:27:24.000 So obviously we know what's going on here.

00:27:26.000 No one believes that for a second, not even the parents, but they see a lawsuit.

00:27:31.000 So they go, I don't know.

00:27:33.000 How much money I get?

00:27:34.000 This could be $14 million.

00:27:37.000 Do you know how many grits that is?

00:27:42.000 That's a lot of money.

00:27:43.000 You can get grits of shrimp then.

00:27:45.000 What's this black?

00:27:49.000 Okay, so stop.

00:27:50.000 Stop.

00:27:51.000 So I took my kids on a Disney cruise when my daughter was that age.

00:27:55.000 You got to line up for a fuck ton of time to talk to these women.

00:28:01.000 And then you see them and they move on.

00:28:03.000 And when it's time for them to go, they get ushered away.

00:28:05.000 It looks like this black chick showed up at the 11th hour demanding that she get a pick.

00:28:10.000 But we'll see.

00:28:11.000 They have a tight sketch.

00:28:12.000 They got a very tight sketch.

00:28:15.000 You got to get in line.

00:28:17.000 Can't see it.

00:28:18.000 Can't see it.

00:28:19.000 Lauren.

00:28:20.000 Lauren, walk back to the back of the line.

00:28:23.000 She's got a normal name.

00:28:27.000 How's it spelled, though?

00:28:30.000 P X43-OMLAT at symbol.

00:28:37.000 La LaRm.

00:28:38.000 Guys on the left here look a little old to be getting autographs from.

00:28:42.000 Well, you got to be careful who you mock with these things because you can be dealing with a special needs dude.

00:28:47.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:28:48.000 So you're like, ha, you fucking fag loser.

00:28:50.000 And then he's like, I don't agree with you.

00:28:53.000 And you're like, oh, no, what am I done?

00:28:57.000 He might be more stash.

00:28:59.000 Go to the bat.

00:29:03.000 Okay, got a picture.

00:29:05.000 You waited in line.

00:29:07.000 How there y'all go?

00:29:08.000 Hey, what about that?

00:29:10.000 Yeah, she's done her shift.

00:29:12.000 Believe it or not, you showed up late.

00:29:15.000 She walked off when she saw y'all, just like the Emo.

00:29:18.000 Just like the Elmo.

00:29:21.000 Excuse me, ma'am.

00:29:22.000 You waved at everybody except for them.

00:29:25.000 What is with that accent?

00:29:26.000 Ain't this with the Sesame.

00:29:27.000 Excuse me.

00:29:28.000 She started this walking with the princess.

00:29:30.000 Sesame.

00:29:31.000 She waved at everybody except for them.

00:29:34.000 Sesame, we don't understand you, ma'am.

00:29:36.000 Is there a way you can scroll back and hear that bizarre new language?

00:29:39.000 I cannot.

00:29:40.000 Y'all see this?

00:29:44.000 You walk past children.

00:29:45.000 Yeah, the Elmo walked past all the black kids.

00:29:48.000 Oh, great.

00:29:49.000 Instill that in your children.

00:29:50.000 Emo, she's hanging out with black kids she bumped into.

00:29:53.000 Elmo did not walk past any children.

00:29:55.000 That was my friend Telly.

00:29:58.000 That was who?

00:29:58.000 Sorry, Elmo?

00:29:59.000 My friend Telly.

00:30:01.000 He's a different color.

00:30:02.000 Telly.

00:30:03.000 Telly.

00:30:04.000 And who's Telly a boy or a girl?

00:30:06.000 Tell me's a boy.

00:30:08.000 But you can be whatever you want to be.

00:30:11.000 But was Telly a racist boy?

00:30:14.000 No comment.

00:30:16.000 Oh, so now it's coming out.

00:30:19.000 So there is some truth to these stories.

00:30:22.000 A lot of these guys are racist.

00:30:24.000 One time he took Elmo aside and he said, Elmo, look over there in the Sesame Park.

00:30:30.000 There's one, two, three.

00:30:34.000 Never.

00:30:35.000 He said that to Elmo.

00:30:38.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:39.000 Okay.

00:30:39.000 So I was coming at this in a very cynical sort of this is bullshit.

00:30:43.000 This is lawsuit stuff.

00:30:45.000 But we've just spoke to a member of the Sesame Place family, a guy named Elmo, who speaks out of below his mouth.

00:30:51.000 He speaks out of a hole in his chin.

00:30:53.000 Yeah.

00:30:53.000 And his contention is that, yes, some of them are pretty bad.

00:30:57.000 So you sure was Telly?

00:31:00.000 No.

00:31:02.000 Yeah, it's the pink one in the top.

00:31:04.000 Telly looks like he had the end card.

00:31:07.000 Telly's got a very big nose.

00:31:09.000 Telly can see it.

00:31:10.000 Telly's Jewish, clearly.

00:31:12.000 That looks like an Hasidic Jew.

00:31:14.000 He's saying oive in that picture.

00:31:15.000 Oi Ve.

00:31:16.000 What?

00:31:17.000 With the little kids, I can't even see them.

00:31:19.000 I hate some shit.

00:31:20.000 I'm a little bit...

00:31:21.000 I'm still angry about Crown Heights.

00:31:23.000 I should have stayed out with the...

00:31:24.000 They call themselves the Black Hebrew Israelites.

00:31:27.000 I don't agree.

00:31:28.000 Oh, yeah, that's...

00:31:30.000 All right, let's do 3-5.

00:31:32.000 This might be the same one.

00:31:38.000 This is the OG.

00:31:40.000 This is what started the whole thing.

00:31:42.000 Man, I didn't get what I want, so it's race.

00:31:45.000 Meh.

00:31:47.000 Remember that fun game I taught you?

00:31:49.000 Pretend you're black for a day, and pretend that everything you see is a slight, and you will be shocked at how many things can be interpreted as anti-you because of your race.

00:32:03.000 Cabs will go by.

00:32:05.000 People will move their chair when you sit down.

00:32:09.000 There's a whole myriad of things that have nothing to do with you or your race that you can interpret as that if you have this myopic obsession with everything being about you and your race.

00:32:20.000 He looks for that one.

00:32:21.000 Wait, this is a new one.

00:32:22.000 I don't think I've seen this one.

00:32:24.000 What is this?

00:32:25.000 This trend?

00:32:26.000 You don't like me enough.

00:32:37.000 He wasn't putting his hand up.

00:32:40.000 Yeah.

00:32:41.000 I mean, they're dancing around that black girl.

00:32:44.000 By the way, the black girl's not seemed, she's not participating.

00:32:48.000 Not every single day.

00:32:48.000 Wait, Let me watch that again.

00:32:50.000 Watching that.

00:32:51.000 Oh, cool.

00:32:52.000 I'm allowed to.

00:32:56.000 Like, one walks off, but I don't see where the slight is.

00:32:59.000 Yeah, let's see the slight here.

00:33:01.000 I love you, little white girl.

00:33:03.000 That kid's spinning around.

00:33:07.000 You see the kid's hand in the shadow.

00:33:08.000 Yeah.

00:33:09.000 Doing a high five.

00:33:10.000 The black kid in the blue is doing his own thing.

00:33:13.000 Right.

00:33:13.000 Are they saying that you walk by the girl in the orange dress?

00:33:18.000 Like, that's who was slighted?

00:33:21.000 I don't even understand their argument with that one.

00:33:23.000 But that's...

00:33:24.000 Find me the telly one.

00:33:26.000 Does that not work because you're kicked off Instagram?

00:33:29.000 These guys are effectively hurting our show by killing my producers.

00:33:33.000 Yeah, I tried.

00:33:34.000 I tried to make another account, too, so that way I have it for the show, and I can't.

00:33:38.000 They know it's me.

00:33:39.000 Well, here, Maddie can see.

00:33:41.000 Cool.

00:33:41.000 And then maybe you can go to the next one.

00:33:43.000 Ignores Child.

00:33:46.000 Well, that was Legoland, so you got the Legoland one.

00:33:49.000 I did not understand the Legoland one.

00:33:51.000 Do you know the password?

00:33:54.000 Oh, this one.

00:33:55.000 Okay, I think this is the...

00:33:56.000 That's not Telly.

00:33:57.000 That's Zoe.

00:33:59.000 Oh, it's so embarrassing that you know these names.

00:34:02.000 I was a kid, and I went to the...

00:34:03.000 They had Zoe when I was a kid.

00:34:05.000 Yeah?

00:34:05.000 But how do you remember that?

00:34:07.000 It just came into me.

00:34:08.000 I mean, when you're a kid, there's five things.

00:34:10.000 There's Spider-Man, Elmo, and Zoe.

00:34:12.000 Yeah, have you ever been to Canada's Wonderland?

00:34:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:16.000 Love that place.

00:34:17.000 It's fucking awesome.

00:34:18.000 How do you remember it?

00:34:20.000 Well, I don't remember the name of everyone there.

00:34:22.000 Well, they don't remember the name of the venue.

00:34:24.000 But they're not international.

00:34:26.000 Look at it open it up.

00:34:28.000 So look at this guy.

00:34:29.000 Just excited to get a fucking paycheck.

00:34:32.000 And then there's another one in there that's up there.

00:34:34.000 Thanks, man.

00:34:35.000 It's so, the only question I have is how much of this shit do you believe?

00:34:39.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:34:43.000 Go back to that black father.

00:34:46.000 Is that a thing?

00:34:47.000 Yo, it's so hard for us.

00:34:48.000 You know, the year is 1938, and when we go to a park, a lot of these mascots are like, how the fuck did you get in?

00:34:56.000 And the kids reach out.

00:34:57.000 The kids don't know that they live in a racist society.

00:35:00.000 So they reach out with their hands up, like, hello, Big Bird.

00:35:03.000 And Big Bird goes, fuck, we never sh one time, Big Bird said, we should have picked our own cotton.

00:35:11.000 And my little baby daughter, she came up to me, she said, what does that mean, Daddy?

00:35:15.000 And I didn't have the heart to tell her that we used to be slaves in them lands.

00:35:20.000 Slaves!

00:35:26.000 Okay, what's going on here?

00:35:27.000 Trying to log in.

00:35:28.000 It's not letting me log in now.

00:35:29.000 Try the one underneath it.

00:35:30.000 There's two.

00:35:33.000 I'll do that in a second.

00:35:35.000 The only time we do a new segment on the live show, it's the fucking shit shit.

00:35:41.000 Frasier says those groups are exercising their Second Amendment rights.

00:35:44.000 Black Panther.

00:35:45.000 I don't know what we're walking into tomorrow in such a rural area, but we do know that we have a group of individuals who will ensure our safety.

00:35:53.000 Educator and broadcaster Will Mega, who's quoted in the flyers, is not involved in organizing the shutdown.

00:35:59.000 He's asked the Pennsylvania Human Rights Commission to investigate Sesame Place.

00:36:04.000 While he supports an economic boycott, he's urging people to leave the guns at home.

00:36:09.000 I think children have been traumatized.

00:36:12.000 Leave the guns at home?

00:36:13.000 Don't kill.

00:36:14.000 What's her name, Ryan?

00:36:16.000 Zoe.

00:36:17.000 Don't kill Zoe.

00:36:18.000 I understand you're mad, but don't shoot the person in the suit.

00:36:23.000 Please, let's have a moment of peace.

00:36:25.000 Clearly, we talked about this before.

00:36:27.000 What happened here is she high-fived the tall person and then went, shit, I wasn't supposed to do that because of COVID.

00:36:34.000 I'm not supposed to high-five people.

00:36:36.000 It was a reflex when the other person put their hand up.

00:36:41.000 So then when the other two girls do it, she's like, sorry, I can't do high-fives.

00:36:44.000 It's a thing.

00:36:47.000 I might be able to hug you, but I can't do high-fives.

00:36:51.000 I would suggest that you keep your children home and shoot Sesame Place in the pocket.

00:37:01.000 Brady Goldner, CBS3.

00:37:03.000 That's a metaphor.

00:37:04.000 Shoot him in the pocket.

00:37:09.000 Not a good choice of words, but...

00:37:11.000 Go to Chuck E. Cheese.

00:37:12.000 So don't shoot that mascot in the head.

00:37:15.000 Shoot him in the crotch to the right of their pelvis.

00:37:19.000 Another mascot is accused of racism.

00:37:21.000 Mom rushes to claim costume worker at New York's Chuck E. Cheese, New Jersey Chuck E. Cheese.

00:37:25.000 Have you ever been to a Chuck E. Cheese around the Bronx and shit?

00:37:28.000 Never.

00:37:29.000 It's all Mexicans and Muslims.

00:37:32.000 It's not that black.

00:37:34.000 And Muslims with like the Burqa thing, the whole deal.

00:37:38.000 The hijab?

00:37:39.000 The hijab?

00:37:40.000 Burka?

00:37:42.000 It's crazy.

00:37:43.000 It's a place where...

00:37:44.000 You know how they say new immigrants come to an area like the Lower East Side and then they work hard and they slowly move out to the suburbs?

00:37:49.000 New immigrants come to Chuck E. Cheese and slowly work their way out.

00:37:54.000 So what did this Chuck E. Cheese guy do wrong?

00:37:58.000 This mouse?

00:37:59.000 Yeah.

00:38:00.000 That should be 3-7, yeah.

00:38:04.000 All right, so what do you do here?

00:38:06.000 Kids jumping up and down.

00:38:21.000 Huh.

00:38:22.000 What happened?

00:38:23.000 Maybe I'm blind?

00:38:24.000 Maybe you are allowed.

00:38:25.000 I don't know.

00:38:29.000 Yama.

00:38:30.000 Hey!

00:38:33.000 Saudi, right?

00:38:35.000 Look, Ryan.

00:38:36.000 White girl gets a hug.

00:38:39.000 Black girl, if.

00:38:41.000 She gets a hug.

00:38:42.000 Maybe they've had problems with the parents and be like, what the fuck you doing hugging my baby, pervert-ass motherfucker?

00:38:46.000 Probably.

00:38:47.000 Yeah.

00:38:47.000 Also, I don't know what he can see.

00:38:50.000 I know.

00:38:51.000 Those big fucking heads, they get that mesh inside.

00:38:54.000 Yeah, he feels a hug and he's like, that seems like a hug.

00:38:57.000 Okay.

00:38:57.000 Hi, how are you?

00:38:59.000 But here, like, think of the allegation.

00:39:02.000 How's it going?

00:39:03.000 Yo, you work a chuck of cheese?

00:39:05.000 Yeah.

00:39:06.000 But a lot of them black kids running around.

00:39:08.000 Dude, it fucking sucks.

00:39:11.000 Tell you what, though.

00:39:12.000 I hug the white kids.

00:39:13.000 I try to make my time, but I will never go through one of them Negroes.

00:39:17.000 I will never touch them.

00:39:18.000 I swear to God.

00:39:19.000 You swear on your life, Cletus.

00:39:22.000 I do.

00:39:22.000 I swear to God, I don't touch them.

00:39:26.000 I would never, ever.

00:39:27.000 Why would a racist take that job?

00:39:30.000 You dummies.

00:39:34.000 And then, so this is blowing up, and everyone's petrified of getting sued.

00:39:38.000 So now we have Toy Story, Disney Pixar, cucking through the roof, petrified of getting caught.

00:39:47.000 And Ryan, you should be petrified of this not loading because you didn't figure out how to handle getting banned yet.

00:39:58.000 You know what?

00:39:58.000 Stop.

00:40:00.000 Go back to the beginning of this because this is gloating.

00:40:05.000 Woody is making sure Jesse doesn't get canceled next.

00:40:08.000 And then a laughing emoji.

00:40:10.000 So what I'm getting from Grindface, my favorite hood account, is we knew it wasn't racist.

00:40:17.000 We was just fucking with you.

00:40:19.000 We wanted to freak y'alls out.

00:40:20.000 It's the new Puerto Rican lottery.

00:40:22.000 So now they're laughing and gloating that they changed the dynamic.

00:40:26.000 And this is what I always said about white people's fear of racism.

00:40:30.000 They shoot at white people's feet and white people start dancing.

00:40:34.000 And it's embarrassing.

00:40:35.000 Just say, you know what?

00:40:37.000 The mascot was obviously not trying to fucking avoid anyone.

00:40:40.000 The mascot works with kids.

00:40:42.000 In 2022, they're not going to be deciding which kids they don't want to touch.

00:40:46.000 And it certainly won't be based on race.

00:40:48.000 So that's a ridiculous allegation and we're ignoring it.

00:40:50.000 Instead, what do they do?

00:40:51.000 They issue statements and apologies and they tell their staff, if you see any black kids, trip over yourself to go hug them or we're all dead.

00:40:59.000 See, it's so quick.

00:41:01.000 Like a couple months ago, they were all behind Disney and Disney was behind all the LGBT, all these people.

00:41:07.000 Now they're turning.

00:41:08.000 Yeah, it doesn't pay off.

00:41:09.000 Capitulation doesn't pay off.

00:41:10.000 Just ignore these actions because they don't even believe it.

00:41:14.000 The parents complaining about racism in these scenarios don't believe it for one second.

00:41:19.000 They just want a paycheck.

00:41:21.000 And they don't believe it because it's not true and they can tell what's true.

00:41:25.000 So let's see Woody here fucking cuck his face off trying not to be part of this mythical trend Jesse I understood Jesse I understood Don't worry,

00:41:45.000 I'll get her I'll get her don't worry I know you're black don't worry I'll here let me run over here Jesse, please please and then she runs over I Don't want to get in shit.

00:41:55.000 I don't want to get fired.

00:41:56.000 I love you.

00:41:57.000 I love you.

00:41:58.000 Okay, you're great What was Ryan's joke?

00:42:08.000 Well, that's the music that should be playing.

00:42:10.000 Oh.

00:42:10.000 I guess the sad Toy Story music.

00:42:13.000 I don't get your joke again.

00:42:16.000 Well, it's just like, I don't know, it feels like strange things are happening to me.

00:42:22.000 I was on top of the world, living high.

00:42:25.000 He's right in my pocket.

00:42:27.000 He's on a roll.

00:42:29.000 You're like a senior citizen.

00:42:32.000 You're like Shecky Green.

00:42:34.000 That's funny.

00:42:35.000 Or Foster Brooks or Jackie the Joke Man, but without the jokes.

00:42:39.000 Jackie Martlin.

00:42:40.000 Or without the man.

00:42:41.000 That would have been the funny.

00:42:43.000 And not being Jewish.

00:42:44.000 So you're like Jackie the Joke Man if 100% of everything about him was removed.

00:42:51.000 Is Jackie the Jane manager?

00:42:52.000 You're like Jackie the Joke Man after a nuclear war.

00:42:54.000 Are you sure Jackie's Jewish?

00:42:56.000 Jackie Martling?

00:42:57.000 Yeah.

00:42:58.000 Martling?

00:42:59.000 Who knows?

00:43:00.000 No, Jackie Martin's different than Jackie.

00:43:01.000 I've hung out with him.

00:43:02.000 We've filmed shit with him.

00:43:05.000 I don't know if he's Jewish, my sir.

00:43:08.000 It's got to be.

00:43:09.000 Martling.

00:43:09.000 He makes lots of jokes and he has a big nose.

00:43:12.000 True.

00:43:13.000 Case closes.

00:43:15.000 That's how it works.

00:43:17.000 Last sponsor, we're going to go behind the paywall relatively soon.

00:43:20.000 Did I forget my fucking computer again?

00:43:23.000 Oh, for fuck's sake.

00:43:25.000 Oh, my God.

00:43:26.000 That's three shows in a row.

00:43:28.000 By the way, tomorrow's show is pre-taped.

00:43:30.000 I'm going out of town.

00:43:31.000 And I talked about Alex Jones on it, but after we recorded it, Alex Jones was fined $4 million for denying Sandy Hook happened.

00:43:42.000 So you can now be punished financially because of what you believe.

00:43:46.000 You can be punished financially for what you believe.

00:43:48.000 You can be punished financially for doubting something that happened.

00:43:52.000 How many 9-11 truthers are there?

00:43:54.000 How many people, how many Turks deny Armenian genocide?

00:43:58.000 The Turks killed a million Armenians.

00:44:02.000 The Turks deny it, including Shank Junger.

00:44:06.000 However you say that stupid chink name.

00:44:08.000 Jesus.

00:44:09.000 He doesn't get fined $4 million.

00:44:11.000 He does for freedom.

00:44:11.000 Yeah, but people didn't harass anyone for denying the Armenian genocide.

00:44:16.000 Okay, how is that Alex Jones' problem?

00:44:19.000 Yeah.

00:44:21.000 You can't control other people and their actions.

00:44:24.000 I just sat here right now and denied that mascots at kids' things were racist.

00:44:29.000 I'm denying something happened.

00:44:31.000 If people were to harass the parents of these kids, do I got to pay them $4 million?

00:44:38.000 You openly denied the HugoCost?

00:44:41.000 Finally a good joke.

00:44:43.000 Zing!

00:44:43.000 But I'm...

00:44:46.000 I feel like naked and afraid, and I just found a grub.

00:44:48.000 Only took 45 minutes.

00:44:50.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:45:02.000 You know why all your friends are gone, Ryan?

00:45:05.000 Because they're perceptive.

00:45:07.000 Yeah.

00:45:08.000 They saw the writing on the wall.

00:45:09.000 That was one of my favorite Joe Tonelli jokes where, remember he was getting pussy for some weird little clip in time.

00:45:18.000 It was literally three weeks.

00:45:20.000 And we've known him for years.

00:45:22.000 Really?

00:45:22.000 And then he was getting laid all of a sudden.

00:45:24.000 What?

00:45:25.000 I think they found out he shits himself and he got canceled on all the social media apps, but whatever.

00:45:30.000 And I go, what around that chip?

00:45:32.000 I was talking about that.

00:45:32.000 Karen that was around.

00:45:33.000 What happened to her?

00:45:34.000 No comment.

00:45:35.000 And he goes, oh, didn't work out.

00:45:40.000 And I go, oh, so she dumped you.

00:45:43.000 Well, you know, neither was, you know, and I go, negative.

00:45:47.000 No.

00:45:47.000 It must be really painful, Joe, to be dumped by someone who's clearly so perceptive.

00:45:56.000 And then I go piss.

00:45:58.000 And as I'm pissing, I'm like, that was a good one, G-Dog.

00:46:02.000 And then I come back out and he goes, I told you about my daughter.

00:46:06.000 What?

00:46:07.000 Yeah, she slid her wrist.

00:46:08.000 She's in the bath.

00:46:09.000 She got in the bath, slit her wrist, took her Xanax.

00:46:11.000 She's in the hospital now, Arizona hospital.

00:46:14.000 So you mock him, you enjoy it, and then he needs to get back into the credibility books.

00:46:20.000 So he invents a dead relative or dying relative.

00:46:25.000 And someone offered to buy him a plane ticket to go right to Arizona, right there on the spot, put his credit card on the bar, I believe, right?

00:46:31.000 Well, that was for the grandson.

00:46:32.000 Oh, who's on a respirator, who doesn't exist?

00:46:35.000 He doesn't have a daughter, by the way.

00:46:36.000 No, I know.

00:46:38.000 Or a granddaughter.

00:46:40.000 Can we not do this, please?

00:46:42.000 Okay, so.

00:46:43.000 Can we not do this?

00:46:46.000 Last sponsor, Silky City Hot Sauce, the G-Sauce.

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00:46:57.000 We sold over 150 bottles so far, and there are only 500 bottles to grab.

00:47:01.000 So that is basically a third have already been sold.

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00:47:11.000 And Soak City Hot Sauce is...

00:47:15.000 This is my own brand.

00:47:16.000 Don't buy these other ones.

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00:47:21.000 Is it advertising?

00:47:22.000 There we go.

00:47:23.000 The G Sauce.

00:47:26.000 What are they going for?

00:47:27.000 A bottle?

00:47:27.000 What?

00:47:28.000 What are they going for for a bottle?

00:47:29.000 $10.

00:47:31.000 Pull it up.

00:47:32.000 Reasonable.

00:47:32.000 Get a three pack for, what is that, $22?

00:47:35.000 Shit.

00:47:36.000 $27.

00:47:36.000 G-Sauce is made by Silk City Hot Sauce.

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00:47:58.000 It's got a nice little sweet tang to it.

00:48:01.000 I recommend it for tacos, burritos.

00:48:04.000 I recommend it for ramen.

00:48:06.000 It is a fun thing to have it with.

00:48:08.000 It's sold...

00:48:09.000 Wait, what?

00:48:09.000 Sorry, what?

00:48:12.000 Ryan, wanted to interrupt?

00:48:13.000 What?

00:48:13.000 No, it was me.

00:48:14.000 No, no.

00:48:15.000 I don't know.

00:48:17.000 It is a solid, medium-heat, slightly sweet and smoky sauce.

00:48:21.000 Perfect for eggs, chicken, steak, and breakfast tacos, which is what we designed it for.

00:48:27.000 The G-Sauce is available at SilkCityHotSauce.com.

00:48:30.000 Use my discount code Gavin for 15% off.

00:48:34.000 Buy a single bottle for $10 or buy a three-pack for $22.

00:48:39.000 These things are flying off the shelf.

00:48:40.000 SilkCityHotsauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off your order of the G-Sauce.

00:48:46.000 We have more sauces coming.

00:48:47.000 We currently have a Christmas sauce being developed with Silk City Hot Sauce.

00:48:51.000 Stay tuned.

00:48:52.000 SilkCityHotSauce.com, promo code Gavin, 15% off.

00:48:57.000 Maybe a certain guy with a cookie show.

00:48:59.000 Can I propose something?

00:49:00.000 I'm going to buy a couple of three-packs.

00:49:04.000 You don't have to buy them.

00:49:05.000 I'm going to ask you to sign them and we can auction them off and donate the money to Max and John.

00:49:10.000 That's a great idea.

00:49:12.000 I love it.

00:49:13.000 Let's do it.

00:49:13.000 And Miami Mike must be watching because he just hit me up on the phone and says, I want a three-pack.

00:49:19.000 Okay.

00:49:21.000 I'll get a case sent down.

00:49:22.000 We'll do some freebies.

00:49:26.000 So without further ado, let's hit the mailbag and start taking calls.

00:49:36.000 And we're not going to cut off the free part yet.

00:49:39.000 I don't think the free part should be the first half hour anymore.

00:49:41.000 There's too much to get to.

00:49:44.000 So let's do the thanks for calling interstitial.

00:49:49.000 And then we can start taking calls.

00:49:50.000 And then we'll also do the mailbag interstitial.

00:49:53.000 And then we'll start taking mail.

00:49:56.000 You are on the air.

00:50:00.000 This is a fucking loser.

00:50:02.000 You don't need to learn, share, listen, understand why.

00:50:05.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:50:07.000 You have one thing.

00:50:08.000 Thank you for calling.

00:50:09.000 It's great hearing from you.

00:50:10.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:11.000 All right, next call.

00:50:13.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:14.000 I've been saying that non-stop about everything.

00:50:17.000 Yep.

00:50:18.000 It's great.

00:50:20.000 Hey, there's a Ferentimore lizard that's going extinct in Japan.

00:50:24.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:26.000 Home to mommy.

00:50:31.000 So my grandmother's done with her vacation.

00:50:33.000 She's heading back home.

00:50:34.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:36.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:37.000 So you guys out of here?

00:50:38.000 You're leaving?

00:50:39.000 Looks like you already paid your check.

00:50:41.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:43.000 I'm out of here.

00:50:43.000 Bye.

00:50:44.000 Home to mommy.

00:50:46.000 She probably likes it.

00:50:47.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:48.000 Bye, everybody.

00:50:52.000 It's insane.

00:50:55.000 Bye-bye.

00:50:56.000 He's a Sesame Street character.

00:50:58.000 I hope he is.

00:50:59.000 He isn't mean to black kids.

00:51:01.000 That was right out of Sesame Place.

00:51:03.000 Amazing.

00:51:03.000 Wow.

00:51:05.000 Wow.

00:51:06.000 Wow.

00:51:08.000 Look at that beautiful, beautiful bird.

00:51:10.000 Talking about big bird on the bottom.

00:51:14.000 Please.

00:51:17.000 So, yeah, now the phone lines are open.

00:51:19.000 We'll let those accumulate.

00:51:20.000 We also have the super chat where we take money for Max and John.

00:51:26.000 There should be a column, though, Ryan.

00:51:29.000 Don't you think?

00:51:30.000 Like other super chats, Maddie and I can be split to a third of what we are.

00:51:35.000 And then there can be just a column that's going up.

00:51:38.000 And then you having to frame each one and put them up, and it covers our face.

00:51:41.000 That's half-assed and shitty.

00:51:43.000 Let's see if we could happen.

00:51:45.000 Isn't that how those Twitch things work?

00:51:48.000 Yeah, it should be like the Twitter that's all on the right.

00:51:50.000 It should be Twitchy.

00:51:51.000 I've never really been on that, so I don't know.

00:51:54.000 Do you ever play video games?

00:51:55.000 No.

00:51:56.000 I haven't played video games since ColecoVision and television and the original Atari.

00:52:02.000 Yeah.

00:52:03.000 When did you last play video games, Ryan?

00:52:06.000 Last night.

00:52:07.000 No, certainly not.

00:52:10.000 I don't remember.

00:52:11.000 Last it was, I think, Hitman.

00:52:14.000 I played the demo for this game Hitman.

00:52:17.000 It's like you're a sneaky guy and you have to kill.

00:52:20.000 So how sneaky guy.

00:52:22.000 How long ago?

00:52:23.000 It was like it only let you play like 30 minutes.

00:52:25.000 By the way, he's furiously working on his bangs and the camera's not even on him.

00:52:29.000 They look odd today.

00:52:30.000 But the question was, how long ago?

00:52:32.000 I understand.

00:52:33.000 Maybe like.

00:52:33.000 I'm just telling you, while this question goes, he's at a hair salon.

00:52:36.000 Before we moved.

00:52:38.000 So, two weeks ago?

00:52:40.000 Something like that?

00:52:40.000 Okay, are you ready to showcase your new bangs you just fluffed?

00:52:43.000 No, they're not ready yet.

00:52:44.000 Well, let's see.

00:52:46.000 I'd rather not.

00:52:47.000 No, do it.

00:52:48.000 They're not ready.

00:52:49.000 Do it.

00:52:50.000 This is the Kill Ryan episode.

00:52:52.000 Fucking show your fucking face.

00:52:56.000 Happy.

00:52:58.000 You have Herpme too.

00:52:59.000 I'm not.

00:52:59.000 You are Herpes.

00:53:01.000 I have Ryan.

00:53:04.000 Not anymore.

00:53:08.000 So yeah, let's get the Super Chat set up.

00:53:10.000 We don't have to read the $5 ones.

00:53:13.000 We read the $100 ones for sure.

00:53:15.000 You left them out of the Hot Young Conservative for some reason.

00:53:18.000 Morgan Ziegers and Brett Cooper.

00:53:22.000 Female Ben Shapiro.

00:53:24.000 Oh, I remember Brett Cooper.

00:53:25.000 Yeah, she's attractive.

00:53:29.000 Morgan Ziegers, I don't really remember.

00:53:31.000 Is she the one with the funny nose?

00:53:33.000 I'm not sure.

00:53:34.000 I got to say, I fucked up by sleeping on Amanda Milius and Ashton Witty, but I didn't miss a lot of them.

00:53:44.000 She's very nice.

00:53:45.000 She's a beautiful young lady.

00:53:47.000 I don't feel like I'm a loser for not having her in the hottest chicks in the new right.

00:53:52.000 And Bet Cooper, I feel the same way.

00:53:55.000 Wonderful gal, solid seven.

00:53:58.000 I had to do the 10 most scorching hot new right chicks.

00:54:03.000 Was Tommy Lahern on there?

00:54:05.000 No, because what has she done for me lately?

00:54:09.000 It had to be modern.

00:54:11.000 I did mention Tommy.

00:54:13.000 We had a whole like Gilson Milf section.

00:54:15.000 And that's why Amanda Milius got let off because she's slightly older.

00:54:19.000 She's not a mom, but I was like, does she really fit in with like the Isabellas and the Gina Carbone and all these other young girls?

00:54:28.000 But she's definitely, I mean, if I had to choose a wife, I'd probably start with Amanda Milius.

00:54:32.000 Who's that one on Gutfield?

00:54:33.000 Cat or something with the glasses?

00:54:35.000 Cat Tymph.

00:54:36.000 Yeah, I'm not feeling it.

00:54:37.000 There's something about her.

00:54:38.000 I'm not feeling it at all.

00:54:39.000 No?

00:54:40.000 I could dig it.

00:54:41.000 The glasses seem fake.

00:54:42.000 I don't know.

00:54:44.000 I know her well.

00:54:45.000 You have that image in your head of girls with glasses.

00:54:50.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 I've never been sexually attracted to her in any way, shape, or form.

00:54:55.000 I don't know why.

00:54:56.000 Maybe because when I met her, she had a boyfriend, and I was hoping that they would get back together.

00:55:01.000 I mean, sorry, they would get married and stuff.

00:55:02.000 So I came at her as like the dating guy.

00:55:07.000 Not that I would have fucked her if she wasn't doing that.

00:55:09.000 She looks better with dark hair.

00:55:14.000 Yeah, I know.

00:55:17.000 And this is just one guy.

00:55:19.000 I'm sure there's a hundred dudes jerking off right now, freaking out.

00:55:22.000 I'm not saying that I'm correct.

00:55:23.000 To us?

00:55:25.000 I'm just saying, yeah.

00:55:27.000 I'm just saying that this is my personal opinion.

00:55:30.000 Yeah.

00:55:31.000 Mike's on, fellas.

00:55:32.000 We got calls, and we've got calls in a really big way.

00:55:35.000 We got 206 here on the licks.

00:55:37.000 Go ahead, 206.

00:55:40.000 Hey, Gavin, the guru.

00:55:42.000 The guru.

00:55:44.000 Hey, so comedically, who is funnier?

00:55:47.000 Nick Mullen or Sam Hyde?

00:55:49.000 Thanks for calling.

00:55:51.000 Sam Hyde.

00:55:52.000 Yeah.

00:55:53.000 Gavin, have you ever discussed with him or consider giving Tommy Robinson a show?

00:55:57.000 Dude, are you fucking retarded?

00:55:59.000 How many of these messages are we going to get?

00:56:03.000 You think Tommy Robinson is clamoring to get a show on my network and I'm like, meh, I don't know.

00:56:10.000 No.

00:56:12.000 Obviously, I would eat a mile of shit just to get to his ass.

00:56:17.000 Same with Sam Hyde, same with anyone.

00:56:21.000 And, you know, like I was talking earlier about some fantasy where we made this super network that had Daily Wire and Compound and the Blaze and all this shit.

00:56:31.000 Everyone has that fantasy.

00:56:33.000 It's not possible.

00:56:35.000 You'd have to pay like Ben Shapiro a billion dollars to make this super network.

00:56:42.000 And even then it would fall apart and fragment.

00:56:45.000 I might be able to get Alex Stein, maybe, but that's just because he's a fan of mine.

00:56:50.000 But this whole idea of like, you should get the Rolling Stones to play your birthday party.

00:56:54.000 Thanks for the tip.

00:56:56.000 That would be cool.

00:56:57.000 Hitler was a jerk is a Norm McDonald bit.

00:56:59.000 I believe he was talking about a mass murderer.

00:57:04.000 And I came up with Hitler was a jerk in 2008.

00:57:07.000 In fact, it was a street carnage shirt.

00:57:10.000 So yeah.

00:57:12.000 I can prove I came up with that before him.

00:57:15.000 $100 super chats get red.

00:57:18.000 Can you please explain in detail the method slash technique for making a boy?

00:57:22.000 My buddy's about to have his fourth girl and desperately needs her help.

00:57:25.000 Chris, okay.

00:57:27.000 Let's do it.

00:57:28.000 Pogie style.

00:57:32.000 We had a leg day at the gym the other day.

00:57:34.000 My legs aren't what they used to be.

00:57:36.000 Boom.

00:57:39.000 So, and my knee hurts from being thrown from that Jeep.

00:57:43.000 Look, it's all bruised up, too.

00:57:47.000 Look at that.

00:57:50.000 It looks like it hurts.

00:57:52.000 It's not bad now.

00:57:57.000 You want a little cheese with that wine?

00:58:00.000 I never heard that one before.

00:58:01.000 Quit your greeting, son.

00:58:03.000 So this is normal doggy style, right?

00:58:06.000 And you go in a normal amount, and it's good because it doesn't feel too great, so you can usually last longer than you want.

00:58:14.000 The problem with the plunge is it feels too good because you're going soup to nuts, balls to nuts, pubes to nuts, balls to nuts.

00:58:27.000 You're going balls.

00:58:30.000 So it goes way too deep to last, right?

00:58:35.000 If you're doing this, you're going like room, it's going right up into her throat.

00:58:40.000 Now, that's bad for lasting, but it's great for sperm because sperm has to be dropped off right at the front door.

00:58:46.000 So you fuck her in standing doggy, you do the deep plunges, and then when you jizz, you hold it there until like the pubes are meshed together and your fucking nuts are like upper ass.

00:58:59.000 And then when you're done, you fill her up with the jizz and you hold it there, deep, deep, deep as you can.

00:59:13.000 And then you don't pull out, you fall forward onto her like a collapsing lawn chair.

00:59:20.000 And then you still hold it there.

00:59:23.000 So you jizzed, you're still squatting.

00:59:26.000 1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000.

00:59:29.000 Then you fall down with her.

00:59:34.000 You're both collapsed lawn furniture.

00:59:36.000 And then still, it's 1, 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, 4, 1,000, 5, 1,000, 6, 1,000, 7, 1,000, 8, 1,000, 9, 10, 1,000, 11, 1,000, 12,000, 3.

00:59:47.000 15 seconds.

00:59:50.000 Now you can pull out and lie on your back.

00:59:53.000 Does she have to go in a corner and do a handstand for like 30 minutes?

00:59:56.000 No, you already took care of all that.

00:59:57.000 All right.

00:59:58.000 The boys are at the front door.

00:59:59.000 My next kid, I'm going to try that.

01:00:07.000 All right, should we take a call?

01:00:08.000 Yep.

01:00:08.000 Sure.

01:00:09.000 631, you're on the run.

01:00:11.000 Go ahead there, Long Island.

01:00:14.000 What do you say to us?

01:00:15.000 Frank Rizzo.

01:00:16.000 How's it going?

01:00:17.000 Frank Rizzo.

01:00:18.000 What's up, Frank Rizzo?

01:00:18.000 Frank Rizzo, open your fucking ears, jackass.

01:00:22.000 Man, oh, man.

01:00:24.000 Okay, we're ready.

01:00:25.000 What do you got?

01:00:26.000 Yes, the voice?

01:00:28.000 Yeah, Frank Rizzo.

01:00:29.000 Yeah, you were the mayor of Philadelphia for a while?

01:00:32.000 Ah, get the fuck out of here.

01:00:34.000 Worked on race cars for 18 years, all right?

01:00:36.000 Can you drive a truck?

01:00:40.000 What's that?

01:00:40.000 Can you drive a check?

01:00:42.000 Can you drive a truck?

01:00:43.000 Let me get to my question here.

01:00:45.000 The whole Chucky Chief, the Chuck E. Cheese thing, you ever think about the possibility that the poor person works there, possibly to work in the cahoots?

01:00:52.000 You ever think about that?

01:00:53.000 Oh.

01:00:57.000 Nice one.

01:00:58.000 It's all scandalous.

01:00:59.000 Set everybody up just to make a bunch of million dollars, all right?

01:01:02.000 Now are they smart enough to talk about it?

01:01:03.000 Tell us what you think, sir.

01:01:05.000 Figure it out for yourself.

01:01:07.000 That's a good angle.

01:01:09.000 I never thought of.

01:01:11.000 But the problem with that is if the guy in the suit is black, that's going to come out.

01:01:16.000 And doesn't that kill their case?

01:01:18.000 Yeah, no shit.

01:01:20.000 Who else works to Chuck E. Cheese?

01:01:21.000 A bunch of black people.

01:01:22.000 Come on.

01:01:23.000 Okay, so why would Chuck E. Cheese settle if the alleged racist is a black man?

01:01:31.000 Well, they're all brothers.

01:01:32.000 I mean, come on, what the fuck are we talking about?

01:01:34.000 Yeah, I don't think they would out them as black.

01:01:35.000 They wouldn't be like.

01:01:37.000 Or they would out them as black if they're looking at paying $14 million.

01:01:42.000 I guess the lawyer would have to ask what color.

01:01:44.000 It's all divided amongst the whole neighborhood.

01:01:45.000 I mean, it's pretty easy to recognize, huh?

01:01:47.000 Yeah, sorry, Frank.

01:01:48.000 Your story just fell apart.

01:01:50.000 I mean, what do you think you can possibly get from that?

01:01:54.000 What are the damages?

01:01:55.000 A million bucks.

01:01:56.000 Really?

01:01:57.000 Sure.

01:01:58.000 Here's the problem with all lawsuits.

01:02:01.000 It goes to the jury.

01:02:02.000 The jury hates you.

01:02:04.000 They love fighting racism and they overcompensate.

01:02:08.000 Like fucking Alex Jones.

01:02:13.000 Alex Jones was wrong about Sandy Hook.

01:02:16.000 Okay, take me to wrong jail.

01:02:19.000 But the jury hates him.

01:02:22.000 We'll talk about this on tomorrow's show.

01:02:24.000 I have a feeling.

01:02:25.000 And there's so much vitriol from the left towards Alex Jones.

01:02:29.000 I think it's because he's successful and right-wing, and that really pisses them off.

01:02:33.000 And they can't hurt him because he's been canceled and barred and ostracized, and he just keeps on coming.

01:02:40.000 And it drives them nuts.

01:02:41.000 New York City cockroach can't kill him.

01:02:43.000 Yeah, why can't I destroy Alex Jones?

01:02:47.000 So now that he's got this thing, they're like...

01:02:50.000 Their whole thing is like, you'll have fun in jail.

01:02:52.000 Of course, the raping in jail.

01:02:54.000 Hey, Trump, don't bend over for the soap.

01:02:57.000 Yeah, but you would never go to jail for a civil suit.

01:03:00.000 Well, what they think is that he'll incriminate himself by committing perjury in the civil suit, and then they'll have a new trial.

01:03:07.000 Right.

01:03:08.000 I changed my mind.

01:03:11.000 I no longer have that thought.

01:03:13.000 Ryan, don't skip over this question again.

01:03:15.000 Is the retard coming with you when you move to South Carolina, or are you abandoning him just like his father did?

01:03:21.000 Oh, I thought they were talking about me.

01:03:24.000 Well, this is hard because once again, the baby monsters have some sort of grammar deficiency.

01:03:33.000 Ryan, comma, don't skip over this question again.

01:03:37.000 Semicolon, Gavin, is the retard coming with you when you move to South Carolina?

01:03:44.000 Like, obviously, he doesn't mean Ryan.

01:03:46.000 So you start out the question with Ryan, and then you change the subject with a couple of dashes.

01:03:52.000 Fuck you.

01:03:53.000 And yes, Ryan would be coming with me.

01:03:55.000 What else is going to do?

01:03:56.000 Join the military?

01:03:58.000 I'm joining the damn...

01:04:00.000 Wait, what is it?

01:04:01.000 Military school with the goddamn Finkelstein shit, Kid.

01:04:05.000 Remember that from Teaching Chong's Up and Smoke?

01:04:07.000 Nope.

01:04:08.000 What?

01:04:08.000 Can't say that I'm not.

01:04:09.000 I haven't seen Up and Smoke since 1979.

01:04:12.000 Oh, for Frick's Pete.

01:04:14.000 I don't think Maddie's coming, though, is he?

01:04:16.000 I remote ties to New York now.

01:04:18.000 Really?

01:04:19.000 Oh, shit.

01:04:20.000 Party.

01:04:21.000 What about your whole heart shit?

01:04:24.000 I travel for doctors.

01:04:25.000 They got doctors on there.

01:04:27.000 South Carolina's not far.

01:04:29.000 Wow.

01:04:30.000 It's cheaper to live.

01:04:32.000 I always assumed you had.

01:04:35.000 I've been planning the last couple of years because, believe it or not, it's a big month this month.

01:04:39.000 The 30th of August, I'll be five years diagnosed with my heart condition.

01:04:43.000 74% of the people that get my condition are dead by now.

01:04:46.000 Whoa.

01:04:46.000 So I'm ahead of the game.

01:04:48.000 This is all gravy.

01:04:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:04:50.000 It's all gravy now.

01:04:52.000 So, like I said, my son, when I was younger, my son wanted to get for him to graduate high school and stuff like that, be around.

01:04:59.000 But now he's 27.

01:05:00.000 He's going to Florida or Rhode Island.

01:05:03.000 I was thinking about Virginia because I got family there, my older brother, and I have friends there.

01:05:07.000 But I don't care.

01:05:09.000 Meet Virginia.

01:05:11.000 Is your son going to hook up with that chick that he was dating?

01:05:14.000 Yeah, yeah, they're still going together.

01:05:16.000 It's funny, they were at my house last night.

01:05:18.000 He went to Vegas today.

01:05:20.000 I was kind of mad at him.

01:05:21.000 He goes, yeah, I just got back from the city.

01:05:23.000 I had to get a suit made.

01:05:25.000 I go, you got a custom suit made?

01:05:27.000 He goes, yeah.

01:05:28.000 I go, why didn't you tell me?

01:05:30.000 Yeah, we could have done what he did.

01:05:31.000 He was going to...

01:05:31.000 Right.

01:05:33.000 He's in a wedding party.

01:05:34.000 Dude, you have a custom suitman in New York.

01:05:36.000 It's like five grand.

01:05:37.000 Well, it wasn't that much.

01:05:38.000 He went on the cheap side.

01:05:39.000 He's Scottish.

01:05:40.000 Right.

01:05:40.000 He's a true Scottsman.

01:05:42.000 He squeaks when he walks.

01:05:43.000 But he's left for Vegas today.

01:05:46.000 He comes over to borrow money.

01:05:48.000 Well, I told him it's his birthday money.

01:05:49.000 He goes, yeah, I got a four GT 500 reserved and a Lamborghini Hurricane when I get there.

01:05:58.000 To rent?

01:05:59.000 Yeah, to drive while he's out there.

01:06:00.000 I didn't even know you could rent those.

01:06:02.000 Yeah.

01:06:03.000 It's probably something ridiculous like $2,000 a day, 50 cents a mile.

01:06:06.000 Yeah.

01:06:07.000 My son's not too bright, but he loves cars.

01:06:09.000 But yeah, he was pissed off.

01:06:11.000 I was like, you should have fucking told me you needed a custom suit.

01:06:14.000 I said, there's a sponsor on the show.

01:06:16.000 I would have told you to go to Nita Fashions.

01:06:18.000 But it's too late now.

01:06:20.000 Have you ever ridden in a Lamborghini?

01:06:22.000 I've been in them.

01:06:24.000 The guy we started the Garden stores with, he had Huracana.

01:06:30.000 They're a nightmare.

01:06:32.000 They're terrible.

01:06:32.000 You're basically lying on the ground.

01:06:34.000 You could probably drive under most cars.

01:06:37.000 And every bump is a pain in the ass, literally.

01:06:41.000 It's not hard to have in New York.

01:06:43.000 No.

01:06:43.000 Maybe out in the desert.

01:06:45.000 Yeah, maybe on the Bonneville Salt Flats or in Dubai.

01:06:48.000 So I told him, don't kill yourself in the cars that you rent.

01:06:56.000 Let's do an email.

01:06:57.000 Oh, wait, wait, let's end this.

01:06:58.000 So we've talked to people on the phone.

01:07:00.000 We've shown the thingama Doodles.

01:07:02.000 You probably get the idea with the mailbag, right?

01:07:06.000 Let's do one mailbag and then we'll say goodbye.

01:07:09.000 Should we mention the shows?

01:07:11.000 Yep.

01:07:12.000 We just did the lower 30.

01:07:13.000 Did you put the bumper up?

01:07:14.000 Yep.

01:07:15.000 People need to hear that.

01:07:17.000 Tinyurl.com censored live.

01:07:19.000 We've got a New York date now in November.

01:07:21.000 We've got Vegas coming up September 10th.

01:07:24.000 We've got Dallas.

01:07:25.000 What's that?

01:07:25.000 September 23rd or 4th?

01:07:27.000 23rd.

01:07:28.000 Lots of exciting shit coming up with these comedy shows.

01:07:32.000 Don't be swear.

01:07:33.000 Be there.

01:07:35.000 So let's do one call and then we'll, I mean, sorry, one letter, Ryan.

01:07:39.000 Make sure it's purple.

01:07:41.000 We've got one letter all set up.

01:07:45.000 Just a picture.

01:07:48.000 Kick Prowboys out of your neighborhood.

01:07:51.000 It's funny because that was obviously a reinterpretation of like a Nazi thing.

01:07:55.000 Yep.

01:07:56.000 But it's a really good drawing.

01:08:01.000 Well done.

01:08:02.000 And it's funny because that was probably made like during the punk years as a fuck you to Nazis, which is like my culture.

01:08:10.000 And Proud Boys are my culture.

01:08:12.000 So you took my culture and turned it in on itself.

01:08:14.000 Fuck you.

01:08:16.000 And get fired.

01:08:17.000 Get in trouble.

01:08:18.000 Be brave.

01:08:19.000 And never stop fighting.

01:08:46.000 He's a fucking comedian, like a factor comedian.

01:08:49.000 He's the co-founder of my fucking other vagina, you gross bitch.

01:09:00.000 You got big fucking pigs.

01:09:05.000 I watched that and I said, this bitch's too retired to fucking do it.

01:09:09.000 They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.

01:09:13.000 This is the part of Seth that's gonna get real mean before I leave.

01:09:17.000 Wow.

01:09:22.000 No more filthy.

01:09:24.000 You king.

01:09:26.000 They think we want to tell those kind of jokes.

01:09:28.000 I can't do it.

01:09:29.000 I do.

01:09:33.000 Tom, coming back.

01:09:35.000 You here?

01:09:36.000 Yeah.

01:09:37.000 I'll get you.

01:09:39.000 Shot?

01:09:43.000 The only booze we have is that stupid...

01:09:48.000 Yeah.

01:09:50.000 He's like, yo, I've been handling all the other cops overtime, and they give me booze, and it's just piling up.

01:09:56.000 So I'll bring some by.

01:09:57.000 I was like, wow, thanks.

01:09:58.000 Free booze.

01:10:01.000 I don't know what he is.

01:10:02.000 Sergeant, captain, whatever?

01:10:03.000 I think sergeant.

01:10:05.000 Last time I knew, unless he got promoted.

01:10:07.000 Sergeant.

01:10:07.000 So he brings me the booze, but it's like the booze that he doesn't want.

01:10:12.000 So it's like this angel wings rye, which looks pretty good.

01:10:16.000 And then it's got this peanut butter rum shit in it.

01:10:18.000 And you're like, oh, I get it.

01:10:19.000 All chemical tasting.

01:10:20.000 You're bringing me the fucking discharge.

01:10:22.000 It's almost as bad as that Jameson orange.

01:10:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:28.000 Nicole was recommending that today.

01:10:30.000 She was pushing that.

01:10:31.000 Like Billy was.

01:10:33.000 No, she was today.

01:10:34.000 Yeah.

01:10:35.000 I had to try at least once.

01:10:36.000 I was with Big John, and she's like, oh, yeah.

01:10:39.000 And he's like, I turned him on to Telemore Dew.

01:10:41.000 He's like, oh, this is great.

01:10:42.000 I love it.

01:10:43.000 And she goes, yeah, well, you should try Jameson Orange.

01:10:46.000 What?

01:10:47.000 How do you get Jameson Orange out of Telemore Dew?

01:10:50.000 No.

01:10:52.000 Yeah, that's more like Telemore Don't.

01:10:55.000 I went to, you know, Gavin, did I tell you I went to Sesame Street?

01:10:59.000 You should go there and organize that community, Obama.

01:11:02.000 Yeah, you didn't tell me you went to Sesame Street.

01:11:04.000 Yeah, I did.

01:11:05.000 I went there.

01:11:06.000 I was looking for a hug from Telly.

01:11:08.000 And he skipped me by.

01:11:10.000 High five and white kids.

01:11:12.000 That's the problem here.

01:11:14.000 Yeah.

01:11:14.000 I'm Emo Obama.

01:11:16.000 I'm Obimo.

01:11:17.000 My chemical romance is pretty good.

01:11:20.000 I would say the odds are pretty high that the mascots are black because blacks seem better at, and Puerto Ricans seem better at handling high temperatures.

01:11:29.000 And it must be hot in those suits.

01:11:31.000 Us Scottish people, us Scots-Irish, we couldn't last.

01:11:34.000 I didn't even see Orlando in the middle of the summer in that thing.

01:11:36.000 I literally cannot.

01:11:38.000 I mean, I would start.

01:11:40.000 You know how those people, the parents, helped discover a cure for Lou Gehrig's disease because they were so worried about their son who was dying.

01:11:47.000 And I think they came up with the name and everything.

01:11:50.000 If I worked in one of those places as a mascot, I would be up all night developing AC fans with car batteries that go in my feet and all kind of like that would be my life's work to make it cool in there.

01:12:07.000 But what's that super chat that was about them releasing a statement?

01:12:12.000 Sesame Plays released an explanation.

01:12:14.000 Said the mascot was waving no to someone in the crowd who asked the mascot to hold their baby.

01:12:20.000 Person didn't mean ignore the kids.

01:12:22.000 Probably didn't even see them.

01:12:24.000 That's true.

01:12:25.000 That fucking mascot.

01:12:29.000 Imagine being such a shitty parent that you want some mascot to hold your baby.

01:12:33.000 That always bugged me when I had babies.

01:12:36.000 People are like, oh my God, he's adorable.

01:12:38.000 Let me hold.

01:12:39.000 And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:12:42.000 No, you can look at him and stuff, but you're not picking him up and walking around.

01:12:47.000 That's a thing.

01:12:48.000 It's not a puppy.

01:12:50.000 You can't grab it and leave me.

01:12:52.000 Shiny new object.

01:12:53.000 Yeah, I'll stab you.

01:12:56.000 What if they asked to hold Levering?

01:12:59.000 Please hold him all the way home.

01:13:02.000 I just gave him a doggy style for the weekend.

01:13:04.000 Oh, nice.

01:13:07.000 Got calls.

01:13:08.000 We got...

01:13:11.000 765.

01:13:12.000 You're on the live.

01:13:13.000 Oh, hey there, 765.

01:13:17.000 Hello?

01:13:18.000 How you guys doing?

01:13:19.000 Hey, man.

01:13:20.000 I wanted to call about this cop that was shot this week over in Indiana by this black gentleman.

01:13:25.000 And when they searched the guy's apartment.

01:13:27.000 Hey, can I just interrupt you?

01:13:29.000 Can I interrupt?

01:13:31.000 Literature.

01:13:32.000 Good.

01:13:32.000 Of course, the media is not really talking about it, and I doubt the guy will get charged with any hate crimes.

01:13:37.000 I'm glad that racist cop died.

01:13:40.000 That black dude was cleaning up the guy that if he ever gets pulled over by the cops, he's going to shoot him after getting released for shooting up.

01:13:49.000 So he's a man of his word.

01:13:52.000 Got a problem with integrity.

01:13:53.000 Heartbroken after rookie officer.

01:13:54.000 Oh, I hate when it's a rookie.

01:13:56.000 I thought you guys want to look at his story.

01:13:57.000 It's pretty fucking good.

01:13:59.000 Dude, we want to joke around and keep this informative, but your fucking phone line is insane.

01:14:05.000 I don't think your mic's on, Gav.

01:14:08.000 Oh, shit.

01:14:10.000 That's why he couldn't hear me.

01:14:12.000 He was just ignoring you.

01:14:15.000 I thought that guy was kind of rude.

01:14:18.000 I didn't even hear about it.

01:14:19.000 24-year-old Noah Shavana Raza's death prompts criticism of prosecutor judges.

01:14:25.000 Let's see the video.

01:14:28.000 Let's see the video.

01:14:31.000 That's at the top.

01:14:32.000 But okay, there's a new that one too.

01:14:34.000 No, that's a separate thing.

01:14:36.000 Why don't you start at the top with the first video that's at the top?

01:14:40.000 That's what normal humans do.

01:14:42.000 Ah.

01:14:44.000 Say a simple order of operation.

01:14:46.000 Yeah.

01:14:47.000 The Elwood, Indiana community is remembering 24-year-old rookie police officer, an Army veteran.

01:14:54.000 That was a short article.

01:14:56.000 Noah Shahnavaz, who was shining in the Travener studio for us on this.

01:15:00.000 And Brian says, this is Mayor Adams and Governor Coleman.

01:15:05.000 Sandra, that's exactly right.

01:15:07.000 It would appear that New York's Democratic power duo is not terrible.

01:15:12.000 It's exhausting.

01:15:16.000 No.

01:15:20.000 Let's try again.

01:15:23.000 Holy fuck, you are human AIDS.

01:15:25.000 Click the button.

01:15:30.000 All right, so we give up.

01:15:32.000 I wish I could know what happened to this poor guy starting a 20-year career.

01:15:37.000 If he's 24, he's probably like a year in at best.

01:15:43.000 Maybe there are spidey senses Noah Shahnavaz, who was shot during a traffic stop over the weekend as his suspected killer now faces murder charges.

01:15:58.000 Doug Carter is an Indiana state police superintendent and joins me now to remember this fallen hero, Superintendent Carter, just 24 years old, Army veteran turned police officer.

01:16:09.000 What is your message this morning on this?

01:16:12.000 Well, this is pervasive all the way around this country.

01:16:15.000 I saw this in the coverage that you had earlier from Chicago.

01:16:18.000 And until prosecutors, judges say enough and mean it, this is going to continue.

01:16:25.000 What is Elwood, Indiana like?

01:16:27.000 Is it surprising that something like this would happen there?

01:16:30.000 It is, Carly.

01:16:31.000 It's a very small community about 25 miles north of Indianapolis.

01:16:35.000 And it's very, very unusual for something like this to happen in that part of Indiana.

01:16:41.000 But Noah didn't have a chance after he stopped that vehicle.

01:16:46.000 And that suspect exited that vehicle and shot almost 30 rounds into his vehicle.

01:16:55.000 It's just unbelievable to me what's happening to the very fabric of our nation because of violence.

01:17:00.000 And that's why police officers.

01:17:01.000 And the lack of respect for human life.

01:17:03.000 Absolutely.

01:17:04.000 And that's why police officers say there's no such thing ever as a routine traffic stop.

01:17:09.000 Now, the man suspected of shooting Officer Sean, he's being charged with murder, possession of a firearm by a violent felon, resisting law enforcement, as well as two enhancements for the use of a firearm and being a habitual offender.

01:17:24.000 So in those charges alone, we learned that this guy is, one, a violent felon and a habitual offender, which I'm sure is something that you run into all the time, and it's a huge problem.

01:17:36.000 It is a huge problem, man.

01:17:38.000 This suspect, and he is right now a suspect.

01:17:41.000 All right, we go.

01:17:42.000 Has an extensive criminal record to go.

01:17:44.000 But it didn't give any premise of like what was to stop for?

01:17:47.000 Why?

01:17:50.000 Broken taillight.

01:17:53.000 I didn't even hear about it.

01:17:54.000 Let's take another call.

01:17:57.000 760.

01:17:59.000 Go ahead, Dash 760.

01:18:02.000 What up?

01:18:03.000 What up?

01:18:07.000 Hey, so I'm a little behind on shows, so if it's been covered already, just like stop me.

01:18:12.000 But Ryan, your vest that you wore in last week's episode, when you knocked it, it sounded steel.

01:18:18.000 Is it steel or ceramic?

01:18:20.000 Wouldn't you like to know?

01:18:23.000 Yes, that's why I'm calling.

01:18:26.000 I believe it's steel, sir.

01:18:28.000 Ceramic ones are really expensive, and I heard they shatter.

01:18:31.000 Well, that's what that's.

01:18:35.000 For your longevity, sir, I would advise, like, you know, just looking at ceramic because that's falling, dude.

01:18:43.000 Turn your jackass into a one-ton soup.

01:18:46.000 Oh, man, that would suck.

01:18:47.000 Wait, what's going on with the steel?

01:18:49.000 Steel, the bullets can ricochet and go up.

01:18:51.000 Oh, shit.

01:18:53.000 Yeah.

01:18:53.000 So the shrapnel, like, blows back in your face, and it'd be good.

01:19:00.000 Also, the ceramic, it absorbs the energy when the bullets hit it and impact it, shatters it, spreads it out across.

01:19:06.000 So is that good or bad?

01:19:08.000 Yeah.

01:19:08.000 Yeah, it's good.

01:19:09.000 I mean, here's a guy.

01:19:11.000 I understand if you're wanting like stab-proof too, but like, and ceramic's pretty stab-proof as it is.

01:19:16.000 But just for your safety, it's more like a bunch of stuff.

01:19:18.000 Ceramic is stab-proof too?

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:21.000 It's funny how people call Prowboys LARPers for wearing these plates.

01:19:25.000 It's like, no one's shooting at you.

01:19:26.000 Why are you wearing plates?

01:19:28.000 Because they're stabbing me.

01:19:30.000 Remember Noble Beard?

01:19:32.000 He said, I thought someone was punching me in the back, and then I got home and there's big gouges out of my plates.

01:19:36.000 Like a traditional soft body armor like the police wear every day?

01:19:40.000 That's not stab-proof.

01:19:41.000 Knife go right through it like butter.

01:19:43.000 Oh, really?

01:19:44.000 100%.

01:19:44.000 Anyways, thanks for calling.

01:19:45.000 Thanks for calling.

01:19:46.000 Thanks for watching.

01:19:47.000 Thanks for the tips.

01:19:48.000 That's the first thing I said to you when I touched it, right?

01:19:50.000 Yeah.

01:19:51.000 Because the bullets can ricochet up as well as fragment.

01:19:57.000 Oh, the fragments of the bullet can shoot up and hit you.

01:20:00.000 Because I don't think that's a pretty thick plate.

01:20:02.000 Unless you're shooting with it like a fucking 50.

01:20:05.000 But, hey, anything can happen.

01:20:08.000 But so the ceramic's better?

01:20:09.000 That's why it's so expensive.

01:20:11.000 How much is a ceramic plate?

01:20:14.000 I just remember it being out of our price range at the time.

01:20:18.000 Okay, so what's the ballpark?

01:20:20.000 Let's see.

01:20:21.000 Why are you playing music?

01:20:23.000 When Bullet Hits the Bone.

01:20:32.000 Your musical vocabulary to die.

01:20:36.000 Imagine that's your go-to song.

01:20:38.000 It says Bullet Hits the Bone.

01:20:40.000 Yeah, but of all the songs, like, I was around when that song came out.

01:20:45.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 Watching that MTV.

01:20:46.000 It sucked.

01:20:47.000 Golden Earring in a church.

01:20:49.000 Oh, you just smoked me.

01:20:50.000 Poison arrow through my hole.

01:20:52.000 Oh, that's a jam.

01:20:53.000 I remember being about like 11 or whatever that song came out going, I'm a kid, but I can tell this band sucks.

01:21:01.000 So what do you got?

01:21:03.000 Let's see.

01:21:05.000 Ceramic.

01:21:10.000 550?

01:21:12.000 Is that $9.99 or $99?

01:21:14.000 I can't see.

01:21:14.000 I don't have my glasses on.

01:21:15.000 I can't see which one's ceramic.

01:21:17.000 Ceramic.

01:21:17.000 Top.

01:21:19.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:21:20.000 Right there.

01:21:20.000 How do you miss that?

01:21:21.000 Ceramic body.

01:21:22.000 You type in ceramic.

01:21:23.000 It's the top 1,000 ceramic, and you're like, I don't see it.

01:21:28.000 It looked like...

01:21:29.000 Ours level 4 ceramic body.

01:21:31.000 What do you mean it looked like not what I expected?

01:21:33.000 Because I've seen ceramic plates, and it doesn't look like a seat pad.

01:21:38.000 But I guess that's it.

01:21:40.000 It doesn't look like a seat pad.

01:21:42.000 Yeah, this has a coating on it, like a jacket.

01:21:45.000 Yeah, because it's like a ceramic toilet bowl?

01:21:48.000 No, I've seen ceramic plates.

01:21:51.000 Okay.

01:21:52.000 Google image ceramic plates just so we can see what you were so confused by.

01:22:01.000 Yeah, they don't have fabric and a logo on it.

01:22:04.000 Well, yeah.

01:22:05.000 It's a company branding things that they sell.

01:22:09.000 Like, you're at a site that's selling things.

01:22:13.000 They're not going to brand it.

01:22:18.000 Look, Strike Face, that has branding on it.

01:22:22.000 Anyway, what am I trying to get in this guy's brain?

01:22:25.000 So it already comes like segmented.

01:22:31.000 That's cool.

01:22:32.000 Is it lighter?

01:22:33.000 It's probably lighter.

01:22:35.000 That's right.

01:22:35.000 It can be heavy.

01:22:37.000 But either.

01:22:40.000 We got 740.

01:22:43.000 Go ahead there, 740.

01:22:45.000 Hello.

01:22:46.000 Hello, what's going on?

01:22:47.000 Hello?

01:22:48.000 Hey, is this Gavin McCampus?

01:22:50.000 Yes, it is.

01:22:52.000 That don't impress me much.

01:22:54.000 Ah, shit.

01:22:58.000 Hey, man, just real quick.

01:22:59.000 I don't think I've ever heard you talk about this.

01:23:02.000 Are you familiar with...

01:23:03.000 Well, there's the Budweiser, like, Gold Nitro, and then I think they just came out with Budweiser Supreme.

01:23:10.000 I don't know if you've tried either of those, but like to merge for those would be pretty sick with the black and shit.

01:23:17.000 I have no idea what you're talking about.

01:23:19.000 So Budweiser Gold?

01:23:22.000 There's one called, it's kind of an older one.

01:23:24.000 It's called Budweiser Gold Nitro, I think, or Nitro Gold.

01:23:27.000 And then they just came out with a new one called Budweiser Supreme.

01:23:31.000 I think that's their version of Bud Light Platinum.

01:23:34.000 What does that mean?

01:23:35.000 Is it less alcohol?

01:23:36.000 Is it more?

01:23:38.000 Is it more?

01:23:39.000 Usually with that type of stuff, I think it's more.

01:23:41.000 Like, they like to make it stronger.

01:23:42.000 Like, Bud Light Platinum is like 6%.

01:23:45.000 I think normal Bud Light's like 4.5 or some shit like that.

01:23:48.000 Huh.

01:23:48.000 5%.

01:23:49.000 I don't like fucking with that stuff because you just end up getting way more wasted.

01:23:53.000 We've already got it down to a formula.

01:23:55.000 Why are they messing with it?

01:23:56.000 I guess young guys, they want to get...

01:23:58.000 I'm going to get king of beers for nothing.

01:23:59.000 They want to get blitzed early.

01:24:02.000 But I'm trying to get not blitzed.

01:24:04.000 Wow, it's classy design, though, isn't it?

01:24:08.000 Yeah, that's what I was saying.

01:24:09.000 Dude, like a shirt or something that would be fucking sick with Ty Black or whatever.

01:24:12.000 Yeah.

01:24:14.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:24:15.000 Thanks for calling, man.

01:24:16.000 No, no, I said it first.

01:24:19.000 Let's look up some merch.

01:24:21.000 I guess some Budweiser swag.

01:24:23.000 Do they have Budweiser Supreme merch?

01:24:28.000 T-shirt?

01:24:30.000 I would imagine.

01:24:31.000 I don't like grown men having shit on their shirt, but there's certain things you can have on your shirt.

01:24:37.000 Oh, that's fancy.

01:24:39.000 Like beer.

01:24:45.000 You can have a place on your shirt, Acapoco.

01:24:49.000 What else can you have on a shirt as an adult?

01:24:51.000 NASCAR.

01:24:54.000 Sports teams are fine.

01:24:56.000 Bands are really the issue.

01:24:58.000 And then as far as like, don't ask me, I'm retired, that's okay.

01:25:03.000 But nothing cool.

01:25:05.000 A grown man, meaning anyone over 30, can't have a thing on his shirt that's like a skull.

01:25:12.000 Isn't regular Budweiser 5.0?

01:25:15.000 I believe so.

01:25:16.000 Let's see.

01:25:16.000 ABV?

01:25:17.000 I find it really hard to find the booze content on Buds.

01:25:23.000 5%, yeah, this is 5%.

01:25:25.000 So I guess it's just...

01:25:26.000 5% or Zoe?

01:25:27.000 Just a different smoothness.

01:25:30.000 Or something like that.

01:25:31.000 All right, let's read a letter.

01:25:35.000 Can't you?

01:25:36.000 Because I forgot my computer.

01:25:38.000 Abby Shapiro is a 10, you effing guy.

01:25:42.000 Abby Shapiro's a 10?

01:25:44.000 Come on.

01:25:44.000 Yeah, you're retarded.

01:25:45.000 Unless you're addicted to tits.

01:25:47.000 I'm addicted to tits.

01:25:49.000 Outside of her fantastic tits, which I'm really bored of people talking about all the time.

01:25:53.000 That's so lame.

01:25:54.000 Probably gives a good head, though.

01:25:56.000 To constantly talk about Ben Shapiro's tits like it's some sort of gotcha.

01:26:00.000 I mean, Ben Shapiro's sister's tit.

01:26:02.000 That's a 10.

01:26:03.000 It's not a 10.

01:26:04.000 Oh, you fucking nuts.

01:26:06.000 The tits, look, look, she's normally like a 5.6, and the tits bring her up to a 6.6.

01:26:13.000 Not even.

01:26:15.000 But she's not a 10, dummies.

01:26:17.000 She's got a weird-shaped face.

01:26:18.000 Looks like my friend Matt.

01:26:20.000 Me?

01:26:20.000 She's like my friend.

01:26:21.000 No, you're Matt E. That's...

01:26:25.000 What the?

01:26:26.000 I mean, I'd give her a quick 30-rab it, don't get me wrong, but.

01:26:30.000 Oh, she's way hotter than any chick I could get.

01:26:32.000 Let's make that clear.

01:26:33.000 We're still trying to get one.

01:26:35.000 But, no.

01:26:37.000 Got another call or we got another letter?

01:26:40.000 Let's do a call.

01:26:41.000 All right.

01:26:42.000 And where are the super chats?

01:26:43.000 They're coming up.

01:26:45.000 And why don't we explain how people can do the talking thing?

01:26:49.000 You guys can have Raid Shadow Legends sponsor the show.

01:26:53.000 What is that?

01:26:54.000 Sounds gay.

01:26:56.000 Sounds like a video game.

01:26:57.000 Raid Shadow Legends?

01:26:58.000 Oh.

01:26:59.000 Let me see.

01:27:01.000 Sounds like something I don't like.

01:27:02.000 Sounds like a phone game with in-ept purchases.

01:27:05.000 That sounds like something like Grand Theft Auto video game.

01:27:11.000 This looks terrible.

01:27:13.000 A dragon.

01:27:14.000 Oh, like someone tricking us into getting a free ad on the show.

01:27:18.000 Sir, do you work for Raid Shadow Legend?

01:27:21.000 No, thank you.

01:27:21.000 That looks terrible.

01:27:22.000 The gameplay looks like shit.

01:27:23.000 Fuck off.

01:27:24.000 Stop advertising it.

01:27:25.000 Let's take a call and do super chats.

01:27:29.000 Okay, here's a $10 one up over your shoulder, and here's a call coming in hot.

01:27:34.000 952, you're on the loo.

01:27:38.000 Oh, you're counting my pussy, you fucking asshole.

01:27:44.000 What's going on?

01:27:45.000 What's going on, guys?

01:27:46.000 That was Ama from Malta said that in 2000.

01:27:51.000 No, in 1995.

01:27:54.000 1995.

01:27:55.000 That's when I was born.

01:27:57.000 Holy shit.

01:27:58.000 That's when I was born.

01:27:59.000 I am old, yes.

01:28:00.000 27 years ago.

01:28:02.000 Been around the block.

01:28:04.000 Yeah.

01:28:06.000 Well, so what's your question?

01:28:07.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:28:09.000 All right.

01:28:10.000 No, don't hang up on him.

01:28:11.000 I was just saying.

01:28:14.000 Don't hang up.

01:28:16.000 I told Ryan not to hang up on you.

01:28:17.000 I said, thanks for calling as a joke.

01:28:19.000 But what can I do you for?

01:28:21.000 Well, I was wondering.

01:28:27.000 He's listening to the show.

01:28:30.000 What?

01:28:32.000 Best way to please your wife?

01:28:33.000 Best way to please your wife?

01:28:36.000 Please your wife.

01:28:40.000 I can't hear him.

01:28:42.000 What's going on with your phone, dude?

01:28:45.000 Hold on.

01:28:46.000 Do you have an earpiece on?

01:28:47.000 He's listening to the show in the background.

01:28:50.000 So?

01:28:50.000 That shouldn't affect the quality of the actual call.

01:28:56.000 Were you wearing an ear thing?

01:28:59.000 Yeah.

01:28:59.000 Can you hear me now?

01:29:00.000 Yeah.

01:29:00.000 Why were you wearing an earthing?

01:29:04.000 Oh, you're in trouble.

01:29:06.000 I'm looking to the show.

01:29:07.000 No, no, no.

01:29:08.000 No, I mean one of these call things where you take a call like that.

01:29:11.000 Those are for fucking dorks.

01:29:14.000 Ah, I see.

01:29:17.000 Why do you wear those?

01:29:18.000 I see you guys, and I go, what are you doing?

01:29:21.000 Like, why can't you hold a phone?

01:29:26.000 You're getting burned, sir.

01:29:28.000 You're moved.

01:29:30.000 Did you have a question?

01:29:31.000 What do you mean?

01:29:32.000 Why can't you just hold a phone to your ear?

01:29:34.000 Like, why do you guys have these dumb earpieces that you push on?

01:29:39.000 Well, I was listening to something else waiting to call you.

01:29:43.000 Oh.

01:29:46.000 Okay.

01:29:46.000 Not listening to the show?

01:29:51.000 Are you a subscriber?

01:29:54.000 Yeah.

01:29:54.000 Yeah, I am.

01:29:55.000 But why wouldn't you be listening to the show that you're about to be on?

01:29:59.000 No, I was.

01:30:01.000 Okay, well, you just said you were listening to something else.

01:30:05.000 Yeah, at the same time.

01:30:06.000 What?

01:30:07.000 You listen to two shows at a time.

01:30:08.000 I've never heard of that.

01:30:10.000 Yep.

01:30:11.000 Wait, that is advanced.

01:30:12.000 So what was the other thing?

01:30:13.000 Joe Rogan?

01:30:17.000 Fuck no.

01:30:18.000 Was it Shadow Legends?

01:30:20.000 Right, guys?

01:30:22.000 Okay, sorry.

01:30:22.000 What's your question now?

01:30:23.000 We're finally caught up.

01:30:24.000 We're finally at square one.

01:30:26.000 Well, I was going to ask, what's the best way to please your wife?

01:30:30.000 Sexually?

01:30:33.000 Well, generally.

01:30:37.000 Okay, so do you have kids?

01:30:40.000 Yes.

01:30:41.000 The best way to please your wife is to play with the kids.

01:30:45.000 Nothing turns her on more than you having a great time with maximum kids.

01:30:51.000 Ideally, all three or four.

01:30:53.000 How many do you have?

01:30:56.000 I have one.

01:30:57.000 She's nine months old.

01:30:58.000 Nine months old?

01:31:00.000 Yes.

01:31:02.000 So that means that if she was pregnant the day she was born, she'd be ready to give birth by now.

01:31:08.000 Yes.

01:31:10.000 I would say the best way to please your wife would be to become totally consumed with the girl.

01:31:15.000 I assume it's a girl.

01:31:17.000 Yes.

01:31:19.000 All day long, and she can go leave, do whatever she wants, and you're not annoyed by her.

01:31:26.000 You're thrilled.

01:31:26.000 And I think when you're not just looking after the kid, but looking after the kid in an enthusiastic way, it trips her like pheromones.

01:31:34.000 And it goes, this guy is not only willing to look after my kid as a favor, but he loves it because it's his kid.

01:31:42.000 And he's happy I gave birth to her.

01:31:44.000 And everything is going as planned.

01:31:47.000 We did the right move.

01:31:48.000 And it satiates her, and it makes her feel satisfied.

01:31:52.000 And you're probably getting fucking round-the-world super sex that night.

01:31:58.000 Yeah, I don't get any sex, by the way.

01:32:02.000 Well, it's been nine months.

01:32:06.000 Sorry, go ahead.

01:32:07.000 The first year after a baby, it's not exactly porno town, but I know you got laid 18 months ago.

01:32:13.000 Yeah.

01:32:15.000 Right.

01:32:17.000 So, yeah, pay attention to the kid.

01:32:18.000 Do lots of great kid stuff.

01:32:20.000 And you'll be rewarded with maybe even a beach, dude.

01:32:24.000 Well, what about like going to the bar?

01:32:27.000 Because like I'm punished.

01:32:31.000 I don't want to say punished, but I'm criticized for going to the bar.

01:32:36.000 And I know you're a bar guy.

01:32:38.000 Like, no, Maddie's a bar guy.

01:32:41.000 You guys go and have drinks and have your off time.

01:32:44.000 I'm criticized for going and having, you know, like my alone time.

01:32:50.000 How do you balance that?

01:32:53.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:32:54.000 This is not rockets.

01:32:55.000 The first nine months, her hormones are still going crazy.

01:32:59.000 And when Gavin was saying, be an equal participant in caring for the child and taking care of the child.

01:33:06.000 Right now, she may be a little vulnerable.

01:33:07.000 And if you're looking to escape and get away, she may think that you're looking to run.

01:33:14.000 Yeah, so you can go to the bar, but you got to earn it.

01:33:18.000 And it should be pretty rare in the first nine months.

01:33:21.000 Eventually, they're happy to get rid of you.

01:33:24.000 And you never go to the bar when you're needed in any way.

01:33:30.000 Yeah, correct.

01:33:31.000 Absolutely.

01:33:32.000 But my wife is upset when I go to the bar if, you know, it's my day off and I fucking worked 50 hours.

01:33:42.000 And then I'm like, all right, I'm out of here.

01:33:43.000 I'm going to go fucking have a drink and have a burger and come back home.

01:33:49.000 Well, you've got to assert yourself at that point.

01:33:51.000 You got to be like, no, this is not how it works.

01:33:55.000 The thing about being a husband, too, is establishing your parameters.

01:33:59.000 Like you work hard to make sure everything's going okay and you spend a lot of time with the kid and you help out around the house.

01:34:05.000 But there's some things where you go, yeah, no, no.

01:34:09.000 And I still, and the funny thing too is you think, well, it comes to a point where that's established and I don't have to establish my boundaries anymore.

01:34:17.000 But I've been with my wife for 23 years now.

01:34:21.000 It's not established.

01:34:22.000 I keep having to go, yeah, no, I'm doing that.

01:34:25.000 I'm doing that.

01:34:27.000 Yeah.

01:34:28.000 And my problem is I did that in the first marriage and I got a divorce.

01:34:35.000 And then in the second marriage, it's the same fucking thing.

01:34:39.000 So I'm confused as to how I put my foot down and say, fuck you.

01:34:44.000 You don't say, fuck you.

01:34:45.000 You say, that's not happening.

01:34:48.000 Like, I actually had this with my wife like that last week.

01:34:51.000 She's like, where are you?

01:34:53.000 And it was after work.

01:34:53.000 And I go, I'm at the bar.

01:34:55.000 And she goes, I thought you couldn't do this because you were working.

01:34:59.000 And I go, no, I said I can do it, but I didn't do it because I get two beers after work.

01:35:06.000 That's a normal amount of beers.

01:35:08.000 I'm not apologizing for that.

01:35:10.000 And we can argue that to the day we die.

01:35:13.000 Like, she once found a pile of pictures of my exes in sexual positions.

01:35:20.000 I don't look at that pile of pictures ever, but I'm saving it till I go to an old folks' home.

01:35:25.000 And if you want me to get rid of it, well, no.

01:35:27.000 The answer is no.

01:35:28.000 Well, it's not like they were in the nightstand draw.

01:35:30.000 Yeah.

01:35:31.000 She went looking for them.

01:35:32.000 They're literally duct taped together in an envelope.

01:35:36.000 But yeah, you've got to set your parameters, my friend.

01:35:40.000 You're not going to the bar after work and getting fucking toasted.

01:35:43.000 Like you're coming home and fucking having a couple of bourbons.

01:35:46.000 Right.

01:35:47.000 And does your wife ever get toasted?

01:35:50.000 No.

01:35:51.000 See, that's one of the problems, too, is my wife's an Indian.

01:35:54.000 So like once a month or two, she'll get fucking annihilated.

01:36:00.000 Like falling down the stairs out of it.

01:36:02.000 So she understands.

01:36:04.000 Yeah.

01:36:05.000 I'm not saying she should have killed him, but I understand.

01:36:08.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:36:10.000 We can figure it out.

01:36:10.000 Good luck.

01:36:12.000 Yeah, just don't be a pussy, basically.

01:36:14.000 Play the ground rules.

01:36:18.000 You got to establish yourself.

01:36:19.000 That's right.

01:36:23.000 You got any letters, Ryan?

01:36:26.000 We've got 27 callers.

01:36:28.000 The lines are full.

01:36:29.000 27 callers.

01:36:30.000 27 callers.

01:36:31.000 All right, let's power through the calls then.

01:36:32.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

01:36:34.000 One thing.

01:36:35.000 Yo.

01:36:37.000 Go ahead there.

01:36:38.000 Oh, you got one thing.

01:36:39.000 267.

01:36:40.000 What's up, 267?

01:36:41.000 Hey, hey, thanks for calling.

01:36:43.000 You're welcome.

01:36:44.000 What can we help with?

01:36:47.000 Goodbye.

01:36:48.000 All right.

01:36:49.000 Bye-bye.

01:36:49.000 Thanks for calling.

01:36:50.000 Oh, he got into thanks for calling before me.

01:36:52.000 Touche.

01:36:53.000 Next call.

01:36:54.000 That motherfucker crazy.

01:36:57.000 All right.

01:36:57.000 Andrew.

01:36:58.000 You want to go?

01:36:59.000 What's going on, Andrew?

01:37:00.000 413.

01:37:01.000 Yo, what's going on, guys?

01:37:02.000 Yo, yo.

01:37:04.000 Oh, my.

01:37:04.000 Yo.

01:37:06.000 I hate my generation, bro.

01:37:07.000 Millennials can all fuck themselves, bro.

01:37:11.000 I'm 27 years old.

01:37:13.000 I turned 27.

01:37:15.000 I look like I'm 19, but I feel old as fuck, dude.

01:37:21.000 Do you work out okay?

01:37:23.000 27 shape.

01:37:26.000 Yeah, well, what happened was, is instead of going to college for four Years I played house with some chick that I didn't want to date after six months, but she was sort of an orphan.

01:37:36.000 And I had a kid with her.

01:37:37.000 And then after he turned a year old, my son's godfather, my best friend, ended up fucking her and marrying her and shit.

01:37:45.000 So now you're not in the kid's life?

01:37:48.000 No, I. But how does that affect your physical well-being?

01:37:52.000 Huh?

01:37:52.000 How does that affect yourself?

01:37:53.000 You sound like an annoying millennial.

01:37:55.000 How did you end up in a situation where your friend was fucking and why didn't you marry her?

01:38:02.000 You sound like an annoying millennial.

01:38:04.000 Because she was a pathological liar and she was an alcoholic.

01:38:08.000 Okay, why did you make a baby with some woman that you can't rely on?

01:38:13.000 Why did you come in her?

01:38:15.000 Do you think that maybe you don't feel so great physically because you drank and do Coke?

01:38:22.000 Oh, no.

01:38:23.000 I feel great physically.

01:38:25.000 I just hate my generation.

01:38:26.000 I eat avocado toast.

01:38:27.000 I've never had a piece of avocado toast in my life.

01:38:29.000 I fucking worked in structural.

01:38:31.000 I don't want to talk about that.

01:38:32.000 Why did you come in a girl you weren't married to?

01:38:36.000 Because I'm Catholic.

01:38:40.000 Okay, well, that's not a good enough reason.

01:38:43.000 True Catholic is you have to be married.

01:38:46.000 I didn't have a topic what I was going to talk about, honestly, but I've been a fan for a while.

01:38:50.000 Okay, well, you sound like an annoying millennial.

01:38:52.000 You came in a girl.

01:38:53.000 You got her pregnant.

01:38:54.000 Someone else ended up fucking her.

01:38:56.000 She wasn't your wife.

01:38:57.000 Now that kid is barely in your life.

01:38:59.000 He's going to be raising the kid.

01:39:01.000 Like, you're a mess, dude.

01:39:02.000 You fucked up your life.

01:39:03.000 And you're sitting here complaining about your generation like you're doing anything that's not a complete shit.

01:39:10.000 I chose, I didn't know she was fucking him.

01:39:12.000 And I chose to leave because she was fucking such an alcoholic and we were fighting so much that I physically had to leave because when your kid gets to be a year old, they start developing fucking memories.

01:39:22.000 So that decision.

01:39:23.000 And I find late after the fact.

01:39:25.000 So you abandon your son, you abandon your child, and your rationale is, I saved the day, I prevented this trauma from reaching my child.

01:39:35.000 The trauma of having a father.

01:39:38.000 Dude, you're pathetic.

01:39:41.000 I didn't leave for the trauma of being a father.

01:39:45.000 I'm still in his life.

01:39:46.000 No, you're not.

01:39:48.000 How often do you see this fucking kid?

01:39:52.000 Wow.

01:39:53.000 Why are you being such a dick, Gavin?

01:39:55.000 How often do you see this kid?

01:39:57.000 I see him once or twice a week.

01:40:00.000 Yeah.

01:40:00.000 Because I just got on my feet.

01:40:01.000 I just got out of fucking homelessness, and I finally got a fucking place to stay, bro.

01:40:05.000 Oh, my God.

01:40:06.000 You're homeless, and you're impregnating chicks because you're Catholic?

01:40:09.000 Yeah, well, I got hit with a mental illness when I was 17, and so my life's been pretty rough with that fucking label on my head and shit.

01:40:19.000 Yeah, well, if you're mentally ill, don't go knocking up chicks that you hate.

01:40:23.000 You're not ready to be a father.

01:40:24.000 You're barely ready to take care of yourself.

01:40:26.000 What have you done?

01:40:29.000 Yeah, no, you're right.

01:40:30.000 Yeah, but it's your generation that's annoying.

01:40:33.000 You're not annoying.

01:40:34.000 You haven't fucked up.

01:40:35.000 It's everyone else who's fucked up.

01:40:38.000 Yeah, dude, people just suck nowadays.

01:40:40.000 I've lost nowadays.

01:40:44.000 People suck nowadays.

01:40:47.000 Dude, I'm a...

01:40:48.000 What do you mean I suck, bro?

01:40:50.000 What the fuck, dude?

01:40:51.000 I got the shit end of the stick here.

01:40:52.000 Shit end of the stick.

01:40:54.000 You created the shit stick.

01:40:56.000 You fucking got a woman pregnant.

01:40:58.000 You're homeless.

01:40:59.000 You're letting your friends fuck your girlfriend.

01:41:01.000 You don't marry her.

01:41:03.000 She's running around not knowing what's going on because you're so unreliable.

01:41:07.000 You're calling her an alcoholic.

01:41:09.000 You're living on the streets and you're like, God, my generation's so annoying.

01:41:14.000 You're annoying.

01:41:15.000 No, you're right.

01:41:16.000 You're right.

01:41:17.000 My generation was annoying and that was annoying.

01:41:19.000 No, no, no.

01:41:20.000 You're the most annoying person I've ever met in your generation.

01:41:23.000 Your generation should hate you, not the other way around.

01:41:26.000 You're giving them a bad name.

01:41:29.000 Yeah.

01:41:30.000 Stop playing that.

01:41:32.000 I see my kid once a week.

01:41:34.000 I'm not homeless anymore.

01:41:35.000 I have mental illness.

01:41:36.000 What mental illness?

01:41:38.000 I'm 17.

01:41:38.000 Being a loser?

01:41:39.000 Is that your mental illness?

01:41:41.000 What were your diagnosed weight?

01:41:44.000 No, I mean, whatever.

01:41:45.000 I guess I deserve to hear that.

01:41:48.000 What's your diagnosis, Dork?

01:41:50.000 Bipolar too, a psychologist because my great-grandfather fucking had it.

01:41:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:41:56.000 Bipolar.

01:41:57.000 What do you think?

01:41:58.000 Sometimes I'm busy, sometimes I'm tired.

01:42:02.000 I have in the past, but you're not consistent with that.

01:42:07.000 I'm not taking a medication from a doctor.

01:42:09.000 I love how you knock up a chick, you're out of its life, your friends are fucking this random alcoholic that you knocked up, and you're like, everyone's a loser.

01:42:18.000 No, fucking, whatever.

01:42:23.000 This is, I don't know.

01:42:26.000 I didn't call in to feel like shit, but I guess I do.

01:42:28.000 You should.

01:42:29.000 You should feel like shit.

01:42:31.000 You should feel pretty bad about the situation.

01:42:33.000 What should I do?

01:42:34.000 What should I do?

01:42:34.000 Turn your life around.

01:42:35.000 Ready?

01:42:36.000 First of all, stop.

01:42:37.000 That's what I'm doing, dude.

01:42:38.000 I just started working, bro.

01:42:39.000 I cleaned up, bro.

01:42:41.000 I'm doing good right now.

01:42:42.000 Stop.

01:42:43.000 I'm actually doing good.

01:42:44.000 Stop blaming me.

01:42:45.000 My life's been a fucking one.

01:42:48.000 My life is fucking me for the last fucking whatever years.

01:42:53.000 You what?

01:42:55.000 I said, my life has been fucked up because of me.

01:42:58.000 I know that, bro.

01:42:59.000 I'm fucked up.

01:43:00.000 But you started this call talking about everyone else.

01:43:03.000 You're not far from what I've been.

01:43:05.000 My life has never been a fucking bowl of cherries.

01:43:08.000 I'm bipolar, one.

01:43:09.000 Really?

01:43:10.000 I've been to prison for fucking 10 years.

01:43:12.000 I had a kid at 23.

01:43:14.000 But you know what?

01:43:16.000 I didn't blame everyone in the future.

01:43:17.000 Yeah, I've never heard Maddie talk about Gen X and how annoying Gen X everyone else, guys.

01:43:23.000 Holy shit, I take full responsibility for my part in the whole thing.

01:43:26.000 I'm not blaming everyone.

01:43:28.000 I don't even know why I even said that, dude.

01:43:30.000 I didn't have a topic.

01:43:31.000 It was two different things.

01:43:33.000 You know what it is?

01:43:34.000 People at a bar or some shit, I tell them my fucking life story, and they must react the same way you guys do, but they don't got the balls to tell me that I'm a fucking weak.

01:43:43.000 Buddy, listen.

01:43:44.000 The last place you should be having been, just coming off being homeless, is in a fucking bar drinking.

01:43:51.000 Spending money you don't have.

01:43:53.000 That's in the past, bro.

01:43:54.000 That's in the past.

01:43:54.000 I don't go out to the bar, bro.

01:43:56.000 I fucking work.

01:43:56.000 I come home, dude.

01:43:57.000 I grow my pot.

01:43:58.000 I fucking, you know, Whatever, dude.

01:44:00.000 Dude, Pot is a bad one.

01:44:02.000 Because it seems benign, but you'll do absolutely nothing with your life.

01:44:06.000 Pot is bad.

01:44:07.000 Give that up.

01:44:07.000 Try giving that up.

01:44:08.000 Is that Ryan in the back?

01:44:09.000 I can't hear him.

01:44:10.000 Yeah.

01:44:11.000 Yeah, your mic's not on.

01:44:12.000 I'm just saying, Pot's very bad.

01:44:14.000 All right.

01:44:14.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:44:15.000 That's enough.

01:44:16.000 It's getting depressing.

01:44:17.000 All right, it was good to talk to you guys.

01:44:19.000 Hey, keep finding good sights.

01:44:20.000 Tomorrow's another day.

01:44:22.000 Ryan, why can't people hear you?

01:44:24.000 Because when I tried, so I got the splitter, but one unit only has two microphones, so that's you and you.

01:44:32.000 But we've been doing this, you can show me splitters all day long, but we've been doing this for a while.

01:44:36.000 How else would you do it?

01:44:37.000 Would you not put a splitter and then two units into one audio thing?

01:44:41.000 That's not what I'm saying.

01:44:42.000 There's no two microphone.

01:44:44.000 We've had Maddie here for a little while now.

01:44:46.000 A year.

01:44:47.000 Coming up on a year.

01:44:48.000 So you should have figured out by now how we can have three mics.

01:44:53.000 Okay, we could buy a different mic set and try it.

01:44:57.000 But these mics are supposed to work with a splitter.

01:45:00.000 I looked it up before I bought it, and nobody could hear, but I could try it.

01:45:04.000 But they hear this loud noise.

01:45:08.000 But this is something you should be working on all day with our tech guys and everything trying to figure out.

01:45:14.000 It shouldn't be something we discover live on the show where you're hollering over to me to get on my mic.

01:45:20.000 I'll give it a shot.

01:45:22.000 Let's see.

01:45:22.000 No, no, no.

01:45:22.000 We're not giving shit a shot tonight live with 10 minutes left on the show.

01:45:28.000 Yeah.

01:45:32.000 When the equipment doesn't work, it's your problem.

01:45:34.000 You can get in the minutiae of splitters.

01:45:35.000 That's not the point.

01:45:37.000 But that's the solution.

01:45:39.000 You see.

01:45:40.000 So you have two units that have two microphones that go into each unit.

01:45:43.000 Trying to put two units into one audio input is not a thing that works.

01:45:47.000 It's not my problem.

01:45:48.000 I'm the creative.

01:45:49.000 Correct.

01:45:49.000 I shouldn't be worrying about this.

01:45:51.000 But I am worried that you have to yell after someone's been here for a year.

01:45:56.000 That's my problem.

01:45:57.000 The rest of it is not my problem.

01:46:00.000 Let's give it a shot.

01:46:02.000 267.

01:46:06.000 Oh, hey, 267.

01:46:10.000 267, are you there?

01:46:11.000 508.

01:46:12.000 580.

01:46:14.000 580.

01:46:16.000 Go ahead, call it.

01:46:19.000 580.

01:46:23.000 Hello.

01:46:23.000 Hello!

01:46:25.000 Next call.

01:46:26.000 Okay, whatever you did is lost now the only two microphones we had left.

01:46:30.000 Right.

01:46:31.000 That's why I prioritize you two.

01:46:35.000 To talk to the guy.

01:46:36.000 So now he does nothing wrong.

01:46:38.000 You see, it's my.

01:46:39.000 My motherfucker, I've tried this before.

01:46:41.000 It doesn't work.

01:46:41.000 There's an OIP.

01:46:42.000 I'm changing it during the show.

01:46:44.000 Because I gave it to take two seconds, and I gave it a shot.

01:46:47.000 And I just wanted to remember how it doesn't work.

01:46:49.000 Like, if they can kind of hear me, then we'll use it.

01:46:52.000 But it does not work at all.

01:46:53.000 Yeah, well, this is not the time to be trying out our technical problems.

01:46:57.000 Took two seconds to plug in.

01:46:58.000 It's out.

01:46:58.000 So talk to him.

01:47:00.000 Hello.

01:47:00.000 Hello, caller.

01:47:07.000 Anybody?

01:47:08.000 Anyone there?

01:47:09.000 Or have we lost you?

01:47:10.000 It might be them.

01:47:11.000 Let's see.

01:47:12.000 850?

01:47:13.000 850?

01:47:14.000 Are you there?

01:47:16.000 This is only two seconds, by the way.

01:47:18.000 Hello?

01:47:21.000 Only two seconds still.

01:47:23.000 The longest two seconds of my life.

01:47:28.000 I heard them talking in the background of the moment.

01:47:31.000 Hey, Xiaom, Xiao.

01:47:32.000 You're on the line.

01:47:34.000 Hey, genius, you're on the line.

01:47:38.000 Keystone's back.

01:47:40.000 What a fucking loser.

01:47:41.000 All right, let's go to the next one.

01:47:44.000 Okay, this one's talking about Biden.

01:47:46.000 Biden, are you there, Biden?

01:47:47.000 Yeah, Washa Call.

01:47:49.000 Hello?

01:47:52.000 Kipum.

01:47:53.000 Jama?

01:47:55.000 Hello?

01:47:57.000 I have a feeling, Ryan, that these people can't hear me because you did something.

01:48:03.000 I'm checking the audio.

01:48:04.000 No, the audio input's coming in good.

01:48:06.000 I'm seeing the levels.

01:48:07.000 I don't believe it.

01:48:08.000 Hello?

01:48:08.000 Are you there?

01:48:10.000 Can you hear me?

01:48:11.000 Yeah, sorry, guys.

01:48:12.000 Jesus, like someone speaking Asian or something.

01:48:16.000 Sounded like you were knocking off there.

01:48:17.000 Dude, that was three people in a row.

01:48:21.000 What's up, bro?

01:48:23.000 Hey, man.

01:48:24.000 Yeah, so I think I've sort of almost the exact opposite of the guy that just called it about his situation with being 27 and getting some girl pregnant and stuff.

01:48:35.000 I just wanted to get your thoughts on, again, the exact opposite thing.

01:48:40.000 So I was dating this girl, and the whole Roe v.

01:48:42.000 Wade thing goes on, and liberals will never admit that they just want abortion as birth control.

01:48:48.000 And so we had a conversation about it.

01:48:50.000 And I was like, hey, if you were to get pregnant, like I would marry you, and then we'd have a family and like, I wouldn't abandon you.

01:48:57.000 And she was like, I think that's the wrong reason to get married.

01:49:00.000 I was like, I feel like that's a pretty good reason.

01:49:04.000 And so just trying to figure out like, how do you navigate when sort of culturally this hookup culture is promoted like just abortion on demand?

01:49:15.000 And even if you're trying to do the right thing and a girl gets pregnant, you're trying to be around and be the dad.

01:49:20.000 But she's like, you know what?

01:49:21.000 I don't even want that because that's not even the right reason.

01:49:23.000 Like it's all about me.

01:49:25.000 Just try to navigate that.

01:49:26.000 It's kind of frustrating.

01:49:27.000 But I don't understand how you get the girl pregnant.

01:49:30.000 Here's how you navigate that.

01:49:31.000 It's a big red flag.

01:49:32.000 Don't have a relationship with her so you won't get pregnant.

01:49:35.000 Because if you do get pregnant with her, she's going to want nothing to do with you.

01:49:38.000 She's not going to want the kid either.

01:49:39.000 Yeah.

01:49:39.000 So why put yourself that particular thing?

01:49:41.000 But who are all these guys just coming in chicks?

01:49:43.000 I don't get that.

01:49:44.000 I've never done that in my life.

01:49:46.000 Even when I would wear condoms, I would go down and I checked the condom before I jizzed.

01:49:52.000 How do you come at that?

01:49:54.000 No, I didn't come at her at all.

01:49:56.000 I'm just saying, I said, hey, if you were to get pregnant, if the condom were to break or she had an IUD and stuff, I said, if you were to get pregnant, here's what would happen.

01:50:04.000 Like we would get married and we'd have a family.

01:50:07.000 And she was like, no, I don't want that.

01:50:09.000 I'm afraid of that.

01:50:10.000 And I was like, I'm not really sure what your fear is.

01:50:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:50:13.000 Yeah, dump her ass.

01:50:14.000 She's a waste of time.

01:50:16.000 That's an indication that you guys are not compatible and you're not on the same page.

01:50:20.000 Yeah.

01:50:22.000 You're basically wasting time with this woman, no matter how good the relationship is right now, because the endgame is too different.

01:50:30.000 Yeah.

01:50:30.000 No, I'm with you.

01:50:31.000 And I mean, we actually aren't seeing each other anymore because of that.

01:50:34.000 Well, move on.

01:50:35.000 And so, well, and so I guess that's sort of my question is like in this modern age, like what is the thing that you can even relate to people with?

01:50:44.000 Because it's so extreme now in terms of how people view things.

01:50:47.000 Well, you meet a girl, you start dating her.

01:50:49.000 If it looks like it's going well, you marry her.

01:50:52.000 And then you have a baby.

01:50:54.000 This is the whole part of courting the woman, getting to know their beliefs and what they want.

01:50:58.000 And if they're similar views to yours, then you're compatible.

01:51:01.000 If you're like, I marry you and have kids, and she's like, fuck you are.

01:51:05.000 I'm not doing that.

01:51:06.000 Then it's a no-go.

01:51:07.000 Then bye-bye.

01:51:08.000 Bye-bye.

01:51:09.000 Home home.

01:51:09.000 Home to mommy.

01:51:11.000 All right.

01:51:11.000 Thanks for coming.

01:51:12.000 Home mommy.

01:51:12.000 All right.

01:51:13.000 Bless you guys.

01:51:14.000 You got it.

01:51:14.000 How we doing?

01:51:15.000 Morning.

01:51:16.000 That's the whole thing of courting someone.

01:51:18.000 Getting to know them.

01:51:19.000 Yeah.

01:51:19.000 And also, I think you really get to know what's going on within the first nine months.

01:51:24.000 Yeah.

01:51:24.000 This whole like, I've been dating her for eight years.

01:51:27.000 Yeah.

01:51:27.000 At my brother's bachelor party, there's a guy, this girl, he's been dating her for eight fucking years.

01:51:33.000 And I made everyone uncomfortable because I'm like, put a fucking ring on it.

01:51:37.000 What are we waiting for here?

01:51:39.000 And the worst thing is, is when people put that facade on when they first meet someone and they act how they think they want that person to perceive them so that they like them.

01:51:49.000 And then like three, four months into it, it just falls apart and it's like, who the fuck's this person?

01:51:54.000 Yeah.

01:51:54.000 Fuck that bitch.

01:51:55.000 Get out of here.

01:51:56.000 That's why you got to test the waters.

01:51:59.000 But testing the waters is not an infinite thing.

01:52:03.000 All right, we got five minutes left.

01:52:04.000 Next call.

01:52:06.000 Hello?

01:52:06.000 Hey, what's going on, Cola?

01:52:09.000 Can you hear me?

01:52:09.000 Yes, sir.

01:52:10.000 Yes.

01:52:11.000 Oh, guys.

01:52:12.000 Okay.

01:52:13.000 Ryan, I need you to go to the mailbag.

01:52:17.000 Subject, Biden incest.

01:52:19.000 Guys, I need translation.

01:52:21.000 I don't know what Biden says.

01:52:23.000 Go to 4307.

01:52:25.000 It's about 40 seconds long.

01:52:27.000 Biden, translate, please.

01:52:30.000 Okay.

01:52:33.000 I don't want to sound like an egomaniac, but I like to think that I have a gift when it comes to speaking Biden.

01:52:39.000 And this sounds like it's a real challenge.

01:52:41.000 4307.

01:52:42.000 It's a hard one, dude.

01:52:44.000 It's unmissed.

01:52:45.000 I think no one has watched this.

01:52:47.000 I watched this loser shit.

01:52:50.000 This is wild.

01:52:51.000 Can you do a little shadow boxing over there?

01:52:53.000 Loosen up.

01:52:55.000 There you go.

01:52:56.000 Got you on mute while we play it.

01:52:58.000 All right.

01:52:59.000 Okay, here we go.

01:53:00.000 4306 or something like that.

01:53:03.000 43.06.

01:53:07.000 Let's hit 43 on the dot just to see.

01:53:09.000 For last month, and to ensure that every part of the federal government does its part at this critical moment where women's health and lives are on the line amidst chaos and uncertainty unleashed by this decision.

01:53:22.000 Emergency medical care being denied to women experiencing miscarriages.

01:53:27.000 Doctors uncertain about what they can do to provide for the patients.

01:53:30.000 Pharmacists unsure whether they can fill prescriptions that they've always filled before.

01:53:36.000 A tragic case of rape survivors, including a 10-year-old girl forced to travel to another state for care.

01:53:42.000 You know, wiping out the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest.

01:53:50.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:53:52.000 I was fucking killing it.

01:53:54.000 Yeah, and then it was just like before that.

01:53:56.000 I was doing great.

01:53:58.000 And I could even understand what he was not understanding.

01:54:00.000 Like, he thinks Biden said miss when he said amidst.

01:54:04.000 Amidst, yeah.

01:54:06.000 But then we got into incest, and I started.

01:54:10.000 The wheels started falling off.

01:54:11.000 Going underwater.

01:54:14.000 Some uncertainty unleashed by this decision.

01:54:17.000 Gotcha.

01:54:17.000 Emergency medical care being denied to women experiencing miscare.

01:54:21.000 Gotcha.

01:54:21.000 Doctors uncertain about what they can do to provide patients.

01:54:25.000 Easy.

01:54:25.000 Pharmacists, unsure whether they can fill prescriptions that they've always filled before.

01:54:30.000 Easy.

01:54:31.000 Tragic case of rape survivors, including a 10-year-old forced to travel to a mother state for care.

01:54:37.000 You know, wiping out the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest, or having a rape.

01:54:47.000 I mean, this is just extreme.

01:54:51.000 Extreme retardation?

01:54:52.000 So he's talking about.

01:54:54.000 Sounds like he said mother.

01:54:56.000 Yeah, he said he's speaking in point-form notes, and he's saying, these are all the problems with Roe v.

01:55:03.000 Wade being overturned and all the different reasons for an abortion, including incest or rape.

01:55:11.000 But go back like a cunt hair, if you can.

01:55:14.000 Sounds like he says mother.

01:55:16.000 For the last month, and to ensure that every part of the federal value, especially health and human services sector, travel, mother, state for care, you know, wiping out the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest.

01:55:34.000 Yeah, the right to choose on incest, abortion.

01:55:36.000 So you need the right to choose, period.

01:55:39.000 Whether you have.

01:55:40.000 And then, yeah, whether you have or regarding or the result of incest, abortion.

01:55:45.000 So he's leaving out some words there.

01:55:48.000 These girls got pregnant via incest or abortion.

01:55:51.000 You should still have the right to choose.

01:55:54.000 That they've always filled before.

01:55:57.000 A tragic case of rape survivors, including a 10-year-old girl forced to travel to mother's state for care.

01:56:03.000 You know, wag me now, the right to choose on whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, choose on whether you have to change.

01:56:11.000 I know, but before that, wagging me now.

01:56:14.000 This is just extreme.

01:56:16.000 You know, even the life of the mother is in question in some cases.

01:56:20.000 Even the life of the mother is in question.

01:56:25.000 Whoa, what?

01:56:26.000 Whoa.

01:56:27.000 My God, dude, I feel like I have to say to my spotter like, grab it, grab it, grab it, get it.

01:56:34.000 Whether you have incest, abortion, I mean, excuse me, incest.

01:56:38.000 We're about 20 seconds away.

01:56:39.000 I mean, a rape or, I mean, this is just extreme.

01:56:44.000 You know, even the life of the mother has been questioned in some cases, in some states.

01:56:49.000 Republican Congress and their extreme MAGA ideology are determined to go.

01:56:53.000 Okay, I got it.

01:56:54.000 I got that.

01:56:54.000 Republican Congressman and Extreme MAGA ideology.

01:56:58.000 Right.

01:56:59.000 Talking about nationwide bans on that would outlaw abortion in every stage and every circumstance.

01:57:04.000 Okay, that was.

01:57:05.000 Got that.

01:57:05.000 Outlaw abortion in every stage and every circumstance.

01:57:07.000 Going after the broader right to privacy as well.

01:57:10.000 Going after a broader right to privacy.

01:57:12.000 That's easy.

01:57:12.000 But as I said before, this fight is not over.

01:57:16.000 And we saw that last night in Kansas.

01:57:19.000 In the opinion of the people, the opinion of the Dobbs case, the extreme majority of the Supreme Court wrote, women, this is a quote from that case, women are not without electoral or political power, unquote.

01:57:32.000 Court practically dared women in this country to go to the ballot box and restore the right to choose that the court had just received.

01:57:39.000 I think we made it through the weeds.

01:57:40.000 I think he was talking about the earlier stuff, which was fucking hard.

01:57:43.000 That was a real challenge.

01:57:45.000 I'm sweating.

01:57:47.000 The pitch away.

01:57:49.000 And by the way, this is our president.

01:57:52.000 We sit here and it's become a parlor game to try to understand what the mother fuck this clown is talking about.

01:57:59.000 Bidenism.

01:58:00.000 And what is he?

01:58:01.000 Like, what's his job?

01:58:02.000 He's sitting there, Drag Queen Story Hour, reading to us really, really badly.

01:58:09.000 Hey, we got, you know, this is near the end of the show.

01:58:11.000 You got to get fired.

01:58:13.000 You're going to get drowned.

01:58:14.000 People, 10 people.

01:58:16.000 Like, the way he reads is so fucking terrible.

01:58:20.000 One thing I got, I wasn't a fan of Obama.

01:58:22.000 He split this country in half.

01:58:24.000 But at least he could read a teleprompter and see the cadence of the sentences.

01:58:29.000 We need to come together.

01:58:31.000 He was a pretty good order.

01:58:32.000 Understand that what's in front of us also once lay behind us.

01:58:38.000 We got to see the patterns and understand that history can repeat itself.

01:58:45.000 So what do we do?

01:58:46.000 We learn.

01:58:47.000 And we try not to make the same mistakes.

01:58:50.000 Whereas Biden is just like, we got to see what is in front of us, what is before us, and then notice that we're going to repeat the pattern.

01:58:59.000 People, history repeats itself, learn the pattern, not the same mistakes again.

01:59:05.000 He sounds like a drunk liar talking to a cop on the side of the road.

01:59:09.000 I had two drinks.

01:59:10.000 I didn't have two drinks.

01:59:12.000 I was leaving the bar, and they said that you should go and pick up my cousin.

01:59:17.000 And I said, I will because I know that she is sick.

01:59:21.000 She has diabetes.

01:59:23.000 So I got to get her.

01:59:25.000 So I got to get her.

01:59:27.000 Yeah, it sounds like you work at the Looney Bin, and it's the middle of the night, and some little alarm goes off, and you go by the rose bushes in the back, and there he is in his fucking OR scrubs, and you're like, Danny, what are you doing here?

01:59:39.000 I got to get out because I was trying to get back in, and the door is locked.

01:59:45.000 And so I came out here to see if someone has a key to try to help.

01:59:50.000 And then it's not a joke.

01:59:53.000 Get him out of here!

01:59:54.000 Get out!

01:59:56.000 Said, said, Said, said.

01:59:58.000 Elder abuse.

01:59:59.000 America is elder abuse.

02:00:02.000 All right, we've got what?

02:00:03.000 Zero seconds left.

02:00:05.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:00:08.000 Ciao, chow, ciao.

02:00:22.000 A question for you.

02:00:23.000 Wanna struggle with me?

02:00:24.000 Think I make you smile, as far as I can see.

02:00:26.000 You make me laugh, think I love you.

02:00:27.000 How about dinner at 30 and it's rough with you?

02:00:29.000 The way you dress like no one else.

02:00:31.000 You gotta thank all about your belt.

02:00:33.000 People can't hang you and give them a hell of you.

02:00:36.000 Like you ring the bell.

02:00:37.000 I don't need to go fast when you struggle to me.

02:00:39.000 I got on knock, got nowhere to be.

02:00:40.000 I'm pretty fine just walking with you.

02:00:42.000 Hold your hand away with a laugh.

02:00:44.000 Tell you what, if you lack the stir, I'll walk on the head and you can look at my butt.

02:00:48.000 Objectify, but don't cross the line.

02:00:50.000 Button from the band with trick.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 04, 2022

GOML LIVE #160 - AVOCADO TOAST

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