Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #90 - ST PATRICK'S DAY 2021

00:00:55.000 That was Sally McLanan by the Pogues.

00:00:58.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:01:00.000 We have the live show here.

00:01:02.000 Unfortunately, I've been drinking all day and I'm fucking shithammered.

00:01:07.000 So we're going to pretend that I'm sober and I guess take calls all day.

00:01:14.000 Sure.

00:01:15.000 I think people would be upset if you weren't a little smashed up.

00:01:19.000 Yeah, I was considering pulling my chain out, but I realized that's Italian. 1.00

00:01:23.000 Yeah, I had that problem too.

00:01:25.000 It's Italian in black.

00:01:28.000 So Irish wear cardigans, green shirts, and funny hats. 1.00

00:01:39.000 I should also announce that I am gay.

00:01:45.000 Milo Yianapoulos didn't just give up his homosexuality.

00:01:50.000 He gave it to me.

00:01:52.000 And my wife has conceded that she's relieved that I won't constantly be trying to eat her out.

00:02:01.000 So I'm a fag.

00:02:03.000 And he's straight.

00:02:05.000 He's a fag. 1.00

00:02:07.000 He's a fig.

00:02:09.000 He's a straight. 0.57

00:02:11.000 What the fuck?

00:02:11.000 A very difficult situation.

00:02:15.000 That was pretty good because he had like a little gristle at the end.

00:02:18.000 Like just some fat Italian. 1.00

00:02:20.000 I'm so sorry for his fucking son.

00:02:22.000 Yeah.

00:02:22.000 Hey, hey, Joey Soprano, your dad was considered the greatest.

00:02:29.000 Let me take a step back.

00:02:31.000 Here in America, mafia movies are all we care about. 0.87

00:02:36.000 And I noticed this when I moved from Canada to America, they talk about the godfather every day.

00:02:41.000 My father-in-law is a normal dude, nerdy dude, biochemist.

00:02:45.000 He's not a murderer.

00:02:46.000 But when you talk to him about the godfather, he's like, oh my God, yeah, yeah.

00:02:50.000 Fro did this and fucking, yeah, they're obsessed with it.

00:02:56.000 All of them.

00:02:56.000 And they watch it every Thanksgiving, which I don't get.

00:02:59.000 Here's the thing I never got about Americans when I moved here.

00:03:04.000 They'll watch the same movie 19 times.

00:03:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:07.000 I don't get that.

00:03:09.000 I'm British and Canadian.

00:03:11.000 When we see a movie, we're good.

00:03:14.000 But they'll watch it again and again and again.

00:03:18.000 That's the one thing I can't seem to reconcile about being an American is watching the same fucking movie.

00:03:25.000 Over and over and over and over and over and over.

00:03:28.000 Like a motherfucking movie.

00:03:29.000 Over and over and over and over and over.

00:03:33.000 And over and over and over and over and over again.

00:03:37.000 Run through a motherfucking movie.

00:03:39.000 I don't get it.

00:03:40.000 I really don't get it.

00:03:41.000 Doesn't look like he's trying to follow too closely in his father's footsteps, though.

00:03:47.000 I forgot what I was talking about.

00:03:48.000 So let's show how unprepared we are.

00:03:53.000 And even though we have plenty of notes, and just make this show a bunch of phone calls.

00:04:01.000 I'm not going to draw, dude.

00:04:04.000 I'm too drunk.

00:04:05.000 I've been drinking all day.

00:04:09.000 All right, connecting.

00:04:12.000 Do you like my hat?

00:04:13.000 Yeah, that's pretty legit.

00:04:14.000 I can tell it's like a good.

00:04:15.000 Did I tell you when I bought this hat, a fucking homeless black man spat on me?

00:04:20.000 What?

00:04:20.000 Do you remember that?

00:04:21.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:04:22.000 Can you tell this story?

00:04:24.000 I vaguely remember that.

00:04:25.000 Right, so it was the guys at my gym, champs, we said, let's have a like, what's the show?

00:04:33.000 With the EastEnders, the fucking.

00:04:35.000 Oh, the bar crawl, not penny dread, fucking peaky blinders.

00:04:39.000 Peaky blinders, pub crawl.

00:04:41.000 Yes.

00:04:42.000 So I have, obviously, I have three-piece tweed suits.

00:04:46.000 I actually have a fucking stopwatch, whatever it is.

00:04:49.000 Pocket watch.

00:04:50.000 Pocket watch of my grandfather's that still works.

00:04:52.000 And my grandfather was wealthy.

00:04:54.000 It's my grandfather that blew the savings and made my mom poor.

00:04:58.000 You know how it goes?

00:05:00.000 Like, poor men make weak times, weak men make good times, blah, blah, blah.

00:05:06.000 So my mom grew up poor, but her father was wealthy.

00:05:10.000 My grandfather was very wealthy.

00:05:11.000 Both my grandfathers were wealthy, and both my parents grew up poor.

00:05:16.000 Anyway.

00:05:18.000 Congratulations.

00:05:23.000 So I have a super fancy pocket watch that's like probably 200 bucks today.

00:05:34.000 And that was my mom's dad's.

00:05:38.000 Dad.

00:05:38.000 My mother's grandfather.

00:05:40.000 My great-grandfather.

00:05:42.000 So I have all that shit, but I didn't have the hat.

00:05:45.000 And so I went, I was walking around downtown, and I was looking at wherever you buy these from.

00:05:53.000 What is this?

00:05:54.000 There's a particular place that has all the hats.

00:05:57.000 This is a Stefano or whatever.

00:06:02.000 And I'm in the new New York, which is called a shithole.

00:06:07.000 And there's these two giant black dudes accosting a random East Indian gentleman. 0.98

00:06:15.000 And they're about 6'4.

00:06:16.000 And they're like, what are you fucking going to do?

00:06:18.000 There's no method to their madness.

00:06:20.000 They're just like shoving him.

00:06:23.000 And he's not really in danger because they're just like, what are you going to do?

00:06:29.000 What are you going to do?

00:06:29.000 And they're Shoving him and he's going calm down.

00:06:33.000 And so I pull up my phone.

00:06:34.000 I start recording.

00:06:36.000 And they go, Oh, you're recording now.

00:06:38.000 So their attention diverts to me.

00:06:40.000 And then they go, Oh, they spit.

00:06:46.000 One of them spits spit all over me.

00:06:48.000 And I'm fucking covered.

00:06:51.000 I'm absolutely covered.

00:06:53.000 I felt ugly.

00:06:54.000 I felt gay.

00:06:56.000 This is, I think, pre-COVID.

00:06:58.000 So I can't blame the pandemic.

00:07:00.000 I'm covered in spit from top to bottom.

00:07:04.000 And it's like this.

00:07:05.000 It's like a fucking pepper spray.

00:07:08.000 So I'm going like this.

00:07:10.000 And then he said something else.

00:07:12.000 I'm forgetting the story now.

00:07:14.000 But I was so disoriented by getting the spit off my face that I couldn't hear what it was after that.

00:07:20.000 And I went into the hat store.

00:07:23.000 And I was still.

00:07:24.000 I was like, do you have a bathroom or something?

00:07:26.000 I had spit all over me.

00:07:29.000 So I washed up in the bathroom and then I got this hat.

00:07:32.000 And this hat was ridiculously expensive.

00:07:35.000 It was like 80 bucks.

00:07:38.000 Anyway.

00:07:40.000 You turn around and walk away after getting spat on.

00:07:45.000 That's where we are.

00:07:47.000 We got a call.

00:07:48.000 Let's do it.

00:07:49.000 We got Stephanie.

00:07:50.000 Wait a minute.

00:07:51.000 I have something to say.

00:07:53.000 Did you know?

00:07:55.000 Hey, you're not fair.

00:07:56.000 I saw that too.

00:07:57.000 That when you hear the pogues, you're hearing an Englishman, a guy with an English accent, doing an affected Irish accent.

00:08:06.000 Shane McGowan is as Irish as I am English.

00:08:10.000 He moved to England when he was six.

00:08:12.000 I moved to Canada when I was five.

00:08:16.000 So I don't talk about being English because I'm not.

00:08:19.000 Billy?

00:08:20.000 I don't affect an English accent.

00:08:23.000 Shane McGowan should not affect an Irish accent.

00:08:26.000 He's English.

00:08:27.000 How is it with you?

00:08:28.000 Fine.

00:08:29.000 Fine.

00:08:29.000 You're drinking water right now?

00:08:31.000 Nice.

00:08:36.000 Look how aggressively he's holding that cup.

00:08:38.000 He's squeezing it to that.

00:08:45.000 Have right to me.

00:08:58.000 God, stop eating so many broken Cheerios.

00:09:02.000 Just eating hard tech with his fruit teeth.

00:09:06.000 Just eating rejected chiclets from the chiclets factory. 0.74

00:09:13.000 What are you eating?

00:09:13.000 Other teeth?

00:09:15.000 Yeah.

00:09:15.000 Stop eating people's teeth.

00:09:17.000 Grow your own teeth.

00:09:19.000 Someone told him that you could get better teeth if you ate other people's teeth.

00:09:26.000 Anyway, what was I talking about?

00:09:30.000 Oh, you're listening to a guy with an affected accent.

00:09:32.000 Yeah, Shane McGowan is faking an Irish accent, and Phil Lynette of the epic, totally rocking Irishman Thin Lizzy is faking an American accent.

00:09:47.000 Tonight is going to be a jailbreak.

00:09:50.000 That's an Irishman.

00:09:51.000 He sounds like the most American singer I've ever heard.

00:09:53.000 I know he's brown, but he's Irish.

00:09:56.000 Born and raised Irishman.

00:09:58.000 Mom's some black chick who fucked an Irish dude. 1.00

00:10:03.000 Listen to this.

00:10:03.000 Tap at a marnon to you.

00:10:05.000 Looks like Ali Loki Sharma. 0.67

00:10:07.000 Looks like Ali Alex Hendricks.

00:10:08.000 Well, your mom, too, will be talking to her in a moment.

00:10:11.000 What's this about gone to live in Hove?

00:10:13.000 Come on.

00:10:13.000 Right, well, the left is the problem with them is that the Democrats never own up to what they're going to do, so we have to get strong action on them.

00:10:20.000 And that's why we hold them accountable.

00:10:22.000 It's actually not a bad Ali. 0.93

00:10:24.000 It ruins the image, you know, Phil.

00:10:25.000 Ruins the image.

00:10:27.000 Well, I was looking for a place to live in Ireland.

00:10:31.000 Because, you know, when I moved away, I thought, well, I must come home, you know, because I really suffer from homesickness.

00:10:40.000 I really suffer from homesickness.

00:10:42.000 Not so much Ireland.

00:10:43.000 So when you hear...

00:10:45.000 I hate to ruin St. Patty's Day, but when you hear Thin Lizzie, you're hearing an Irishman do an American accent. 0.84

00:10:52.000 And when you hear the Poke, you're hearing an Englishman do an Irish accent.

00:11:04.000 Damn!

00:11:05.000 See the boys and me mean business.

00:11:07.000 The boys better let them fight around.

00:11:16.000 You know what killed this fucker?

00:11:17.000 Is heroin.

00:11:20.000 Another one?

00:11:20.000 Solo and Soho.

00:11:22.000 Look up that album.

00:11:24.000 He got into Smack and then he had a fun song about punks.

00:11:30.000 He's like, Generation X when next.

00:11:33.000 The sex pisses were an old-time crash. 1.00

00:11:37.000 Is that it?

00:11:38.000 What's it called?

00:11:39.000 Yeah, this is the whole album.

00:11:41.000 But there's Dear Miss Lonely Hearts, King's Call, Tattoo, Solo and Soho, Girls.

00:11:45.000 Solo and Soho.

00:11:46.000 Look up Solo and Soho.

00:11:48.000 It's all about punk.

00:11:50.000 And it's just him fucked out of his mind on fucking heroin, the poor...

00:11:54.000 Should I say poor bastard?

00:12:08.000 It's like a...

00:12:10.000 This is like a clashist, like a clash-like evolution.

00:12:13.000 Oh, really?

00:12:14.000 The clash were headed on an all-time crash.

00:12:16.000 Is this the only song that sounds like this?

00:12:18.000 Great.

00:12:18.000 The sex pistols were swindled.

00:12:29.000 Garbage.

00:12:30.000 Yeah, they got experimental.

00:12:32.000 Garbage, you junky asshole.

00:12:33.000 This is their Secret 77.

00:12:35.000 No, now we have to hear the Phil Lined song from that album about the sex pistols.

00:12:41.000 What are our options?

00:12:42.000 All right, so we got Girls, Yellow Pearl, Ode to a Black Man, Jamaican Rum. 0.72

00:12:47.000 That's it?

00:12:48.000 And then there's Tattoo, King's Call, Dear Miss Lonely Hearts.

00:12:52.000 I could look it up.

00:12:55.000 None of those are a thing.

00:12:57.000 He has like Sham69, we're in shambles. 1.00

00:13:02.000 Like it's all a puns.

00:13:04.000 Talkin' 79?

00:13:05.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:13:06.000 Talk in 79.

00:13:07.000 Let's hear that.

00:13:10.000 The clash, we're headed for an old-time crash.

00:13:12.000 Meanwhile, he's doing a fake fucking shit.

00:13:16.000 Now he's doing a fake English accent. 0.67

00:13:21.000 Is this like a diss track?

00:13:24.000 Sort of.

00:13:29.000 The clash were headed for a head-on collision.

00:13:42.000 It is pretty cool.

00:13:43.000 You can't deny the champ.

00:14:10.000 People didn't know.

00:14:25.000 I think yellow magic arms from this bum.

00:14:29.000 Eagle road flow.

00:14:32.000 Heavily written.

00:14:32.000 This is interesting.

00:14:35.000 Why aren't there any like rock diss tracks?

00:14:38.000 There should be rock diss tracks. 0.87

00:14:40.000 Yeah, let's do rock diss tracks. 0.97

00:14:42.000 We fucking dope.

00:14:42.000 ACDZ suck.

00:14:46.000 Fuck you, Led Zapplin.

00:14:48.000 You're fucking gay. 1.00

00:14:50.000 We got Stefani or Stephanie?

00:14:53.000 Before we get started, by the way, let's recognize that we got caught.

00:15:01.000 Oh, we have reads, too.

00:15:02.000 I always said that no one would notice that Ryan was QAnon.

00:15:10.000 Right.

00:15:11.000 I said we're going to do that.

00:15:12.000 I'm going to release all my top information through him.

00:15:15.000 He's our useless Puerto Rican nip. 1.00

00:15:18.000 Correct.

00:15:18.000 That's what it seems, at least.

00:15:20.000 But it's not that.

00:15:22.000 He's actually a very astute world governor.

00:15:26.000 Trust my plan.

00:15:28.000 And Ryan Katsu Rivera is QAnon.

00:15:32.000 So I guess we should confess that now, right?

00:15:34.000 I'd like to keep people in the dark a little longer.

00:15:37.000 No, why bother?

00:15:38.000 All right, fine.

00:15:39.000 Folks at home, you've been looking for QAnon.

00:15:42.000 He has been identified as Ryan Katsu Rivera.

00:15:46.000 You're welcome.

00:15:47.000 And by the way, when you see a retard like Ryan running something as big as QAdon, you know it's me. 0.93

00:15:54.000 I'm QAnon.

00:15:57.000 I'm the fall guy.

00:15:58.000 And Generation X was next.

00:16:00.000 Wait, where the hell?

00:16:02.000 Where's my picture?

00:16:04.000 Of me as QAnon.

00:16:07.000 Shouldn't you be bringing this up?

00:16:11.000 Primary sponsor of the day, Tactical Walls.

00:16:18.000 Tactical Walls is veteran-owned and operated, and Tactical Walls is designed to store and secure firearms.

00:16:23.000 But really, you couldn't hide anything in there.

00:16:26.000 The beauty of Tactical Walls is we have our Maker's Mark and our beer stuffed in there.

00:16:32.000 They do your baseball fucking shit.

00:16:35.000 You have your baseball bats, gloves.

00:16:38.000 It doesn't have to be your tactical emergency wall.

00:16:42.000 They handle everything.

00:16:44.000 Guns, grandma's prescriptions, heels and sunglasses, whips and chains.

00:16:49.000 Hide it all with tactical walls.

00:16:53.000 Right now, our loyal Censor.tv subscribers get 15% off all tactical orders with Tactical Walls.

00:17:00.000 Just use promo code Gavin15.

00:17:02.000 Not Gavin, but Gavin15.

00:17:05.000 Support veteran-owned businesses who support us.

00:17:08.000 TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin15.

00:17:11.000 Thanks, Tactical Walls.

00:17:13.000 We like you more than a friend.

00:17:14.000 And again, Tactical Walls did this.

00:17:17.000 They did this beautiful statue where I am a war vet.

00:17:26.000 You see this?

00:17:29.000 The ball right out.

00:17:30.000 You're ready for all of your home defense needs.

00:17:32.000 You can close it back up when you're done.

00:17:35.000 It's got like a hydraulic sort of thing so it doesn't drop off.

00:17:38.000 That's the whole thing.

00:17:38.000 Things are always in magnets.

00:17:41.000 Put them back where they belong.

00:17:43.000 You're good to go.

00:17:45.000 So just under there again, that's just this little magnet can be utilized with any type of knickknack that you choose.

00:17:53.000 If you guys have any questions at all, feel free to contact us.

00:17:56.000 Have a fake.

00:17:57.000 Some secrets right in the bed, by the way.

00:18:00.000 Well, I don't know who that is according to the company.

00:18:02.000 That could be relative.

00:18:03.000 Mike's wife.

00:18:04.000 Yeah, so that's...

00:18:05.000 And we're not disparaging her.

00:18:06.000 No, no.

00:18:07.000 Right?

00:18:08.000 You're just calling him a lucky man.

00:18:09.000 A lucky man.

00:18:10.000 He's a lucky man.

00:18:14.000 We've had this caller on for a while, and we psyched her out twice.

00:18:20.000 Okay.

00:18:21.000 I think it's time for Stephanie to speak her peace and say her truth.

00:18:26.000 Stephanie, let's talk to you.

00:18:30.000 Hot damn, finally.

00:18:35.000 Oh, the echo is there.

00:18:37.000 I love it.

00:18:38.000 Sorry, sorry.

00:18:39.000 Let's get rid of that.

00:18:42.000 Echo departing in three, two.

00:18:45.000 Okay, Gavin.

00:18:47.000 How about now?

00:18:47.000 Still same echo?

00:18:59.000 Wait, I'm sorry.

00:19:00.000 You're in the same boat as me.

00:19:01.000 You're trying to figure out where to move to?

00:19:08.000 Hello?

00:19:09.000 Are you there?

00:19:10.000 Can you hear me?

00:19:11.000 Hello.

00:19:15.000 I both live in California, but we both kind of have to move on.

00:19:19.000 Oh my god.

00:19:20.000 Okay.

00:19:24.000 Hello?

00:19:29.000 Yes.

00:19:30.000 Sorry, you muted me for like a minute.

00:19:34.000 So her echo appears to be about a minute long.

00:19:38.000 No.

00:19:39.000 No, now she's back in action.

00:19:41.000 Okay.

00:19:42.000 Hey, what's the caller's name?

00:19:50.000 Wait, you got to listen to us now, not the stream.

00:19:53.000 Yes.

00:19:53.000 Okay.

00:19:54.000 Okay.

00:19:54.000 It's Stephanie, and my husband and I are trying to find out where to live.

00:20:00.000 We're in the same boat as Gavin.

00:20:02.000 Okay, so you, I just, please repeat after me.

00:20:05.000 One.

00:20:08.000 One.

00:20:08.000 Two.

00:20:11.000 Two.

00:20:12.000 Three.

00:20:14.000 Three.

00:20:14.000 Okay, so there's a bit of a delay, but it's not bad.

00:20:18.000 And where are you guys right now?

00:20:21.000 We're in California.

00:20:23.000 All right.

00:20:24.000 So here's my solution to your problem.

00:20:27.000 Ready?

00:20:29.000 Yes.

00:20:30.000 The area is eastern Tennessee, North Carolina, South Carolina.

00:20:36.000 That sounds like a crazy, huge expanse of American land.

00:20:42.000 It's actually as big as Westchester, which is where I live now.

00:20:46.000 It's just, it's like two hours apart.

00:20:48.000 So we're going to go there together, you and I, and we're going to rent an apartment, rent a really nice apartment for a year anywhere near Asheville, North Carolina.

00:21:02.000 And we're going to look at Knoxville.

00:21:05.000 We're going to look at everywhere in that area.

00:21:08.000 And we're going to look at homes to buy.

00:21:10.000 And then we'll buy a home in an area that is mega and safe and has expats. 0.68

00:21:18.000 And we're not going to be ostracized.

00:21:25.000 Okay, that sounds good.

00:21:26.000 I mean, anything is better than California at this point.

00:21:30.000 California's got to go.

00:21:34.000 How old are you?

00:21:37.000 We were looking at Texas, but now I'm worried about the border crisis that nobody reports about.

00:21:43.000 Yeah, Texas is a problem.

00:21:44.000 It's also so fucking hot.

00:21:46.000 Like the beauty of eastern Tennessee and North Carolina is you don't burn alive.

00:21:55.000 But I think there's tornadoes right there right now.

00:21:57.000 I saw someone talking about tornado warning in Tennessee.

00:22:02.000 I can take a tornado.

00:22:04.000 How old are you?

00:22:09.000 Gavin, you're the only 10 I see.

00:22:11.000 Oh, appreciate it.

00:22:12.000 How old is your wife?

00:22:20.000 What?

00:22:21.000 How old are you?

00:22:24.000 We're like 35.

00:22:25.000 Can you tell us all about your first period?

00:22:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:22:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:22:38.000 What was that like?

00:22:42.000 What?

00:22:43.000 What was it like?

00:22:43.000 Was it damning?

00:22:44.000 Did you have like tennis shorts on?

00:22:47.000 What was the deal there?

00:22:48.000 That is an interesting question.

00:22:49.000 You know, I thought that was just some shocking.

00:22:51.000 I want to make it a theme.

00:22:53.000 Tonight's call-ins are mostly about your first period.

00:22:57.000 We're going to turn now to that outbreak of Girl Scout camp, actually.

00:23:01.000 You what?

00:23:03.000 I was at Girl Scout camp when I got my first period, but my mom was there, so that was nice.

00:23:10.000 And what were the symptoms?

00:23:16.000 I don't know.

00:23:17.000 Look it up on Wikipedia.

00:23:19.000 So you had, did you ruin like your pants?

00:23:25.000 No.

00:23:27.000 So you pre-pawned.

00:23:28.000 Okay, so what happened?

00:23:31.000 Every woman tonight, we're going to ask her about her first period. 0.97

00:23:37.000 I'm sure you'll get more women wanting to call in then.

00:23:44.000 So what happened with you?

00:23:45.000 Like you had some sprinklings?

00:23:47.000 What was the deal?

00:23:50.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:23:51.000 I don't even remember.

00:23:52.000 That was like 20-something years ago.

00:23:55.000 All right.

00:23:56.000 Well, thanks for calling.

00:23:56.000 You're cut off.

00:24:00.000 Not enough details.

00:24:01.000 That's the punishment you get when you don't have.

00:24:03.000 How can you not remember that?

00:24:05.000 It's like a first kiss.

00:24:07.000 Yeah.

00:24:08.000 Do you remember the first time you came?

00:24:12.000 Yeah, I remember the first time stuff came out.

00:24:15.000 Really?

00:24:15.000 I don't.

00:24:17.000 I remember I was in the bathroom and some...

00:24:19.000 It was like stringy.

00:24:20.000 And I was like, this is what I've been hearing about.

00:24:23.000 That's it.

00:24:24.000 I remember beating off until my dick would go bright red and then nothing would happen.

00:24:30.000 Yeah, it just gets angry.

00:24:31.000 So I was like, 12.

00:24:33.000 Just gets sore.

00:24:34.000 And then I said to Dale Aiken, I go, I've been trying to masturbate.

00:24:37.000 And he goes, what?

00:24:39.000 That's fucking gross.

00:24:40.000 Are you serious?

00:24:41.000 And I went, no, I'm kidding.

00:24:47.000 That's...

00:24:48.000 Can you imagine someone actually, you know, what?

00:24:51.000 Like, what?

00:24:53.000 Oh, my God.

00:24:54.000 No, no, I don't do that.

00:24:57.000 Then you hit a phase where you think it's cool.

00:24:59.000 We're like, yeah, jerking off.

00:25:02.000 Am I right, folks?

00:25:04.000 Born a jerk.

00:25:05.000 By the way, folks, this green t-shirt, I went over to the fag zone today, this morning at about 10 a.m. 0.97

00:25:14.000 And I said, hey, Ryan, do you have my Champ shirt?

00:25:17.000 And he goes, yeah, yeah, I have that.

00:25:19.000 And I go, where the fuck is it?

00:25:20.000 And he goes, oh, it's in my dirty laundry.

00:25:23.000 I go, okay, well, how long has it been in there?

00:25:26.000 Why is it in there?

00:25:27.000 And he goes, oh, you made me wear this shirt.

00:25:30.000 And I'm going, I think I made you wear this shirt at St. Patrick's Day because it's an Irish shirt.

00:25:37.000 And he goes, yeah, you did.

00:25:39.000 I go, that's literally one year ago today.

00:25:44.000 He has dirty laundry that's one year old.

00:25:49.000 Correct?

00:25:51.000 Isn't that fucked up?

00:25:53.000 And I go, okay, here's what we should do.

00:25:56.000 I'm in the fag zone.

00:25:58.000 I have a contractor bag.

00:25:59.000 I go, let's Take this contractor bag and put everything bad in the contractor bag.

00:26:06.000 And he goes, Well, I already started that.

00:26:08.000 I have a contractor bag in his hoards, like he's a hoarder.

00:26:13.000 In his hoards of hoard, he has like a pile of shit with a contractor bag that has like two shirts in it, right?

00:26:22.000 Everybody?

00:26:24.000 Yes.

00:26:25.000 So he has a contractor bag with two shirts in it in his hoarding.

00:26:30.000 And he goes, I just, I thought the other shirts are like, I don't wear them, but I should donate them.

00:26:35.000 I'm like, don't donate them.

00:26:38.000 There's nothing to donate to.

00:26:39.000 There's no donating.

00:26:40.000 I hate this fucking shit.

00:26:43.000 There's no poor black American children going, I wish someone would send me a shirt so I could just go outside and have a fucking shirt on.

00:26:54.000 Stop.

00:26:55.000 And this goes for all of you out there.

00:26:58.000 Fucking put it in a contractor bag.

00:27:02.000 I'm married to a hoarder.

00:27:04.000 I wish I was married to a whore. 1.00

00:27:06.000 I'm not.

00:27:07.000 And I have rented a fucking container three times.

00:27:13.000 Three times since we've been married.

00:27:15.000 And I've filled it thrice.

00:27:17.000 Thrice.

00:27:19.000 One time it was almost always shoes.

00:27:22.000 Come on, man, Mikey!

00:27:26.000 All right, let's take another call.

00:27:29.000 We've got Sean.

00:27:31.000 Sean, you're on the line.

00:27:32.000 Hello.

00:27:33.000 Yellow.

00:27:34.000 Hello?

00:27:35.000 Yo.

00:27:36.000 Fellas, how you doing? 0.82

00:27:37.000 Great, great, great.

00:27:39.000 Quick question for you, Gav.

00:27:41.000 Yep.

00:27:42.000 I was wondering if you can speak a little bit about East Village Radio and those times in New York in the early aughts.

00:27:51.000 Okay, coming up.

00:27:53.000 You ready?

00:27:54.000 And thank you for calling.

00:27:56.000 East Village Radio was run by a pizza place, Frankie's Pizza.

00:28:01.000 And they did a great job.

00:28:03.000 It had a very little span.

00:28:07.000 One of the weirdest things about it was there was a woman. 1.00

00:28:11.000 I remember I would appear on this show a lot with the dude from the thing and the other guy from the stuff.

00:28:19.000 I forget their names.

00:28:20.000 I probably shouldn't name their names or it'll ruin their careers.

00:28:24.000 But before us was this reggae hour.

00:28:28.000 And the woman who did it had huge fucking dreads and shit. 1.00

00:28:32.000 And she was German.

00:28:34.000 So she'd go, hello, what are you doing?

00:28:37.000 Don't fuck around.

00:28:38.000 Okay.

00:28:39.000 So I'm going to be going up after you guys.

00:28:41.000 Okay, so let's do it, man.

00:28:44.000 And then we would be done our set.

00:28:47.000 And then she'd go, waguan, welcome back. 0.97

00:28:50.000 And she did a whole, she became a Jamaican person for her set.

00:28:56.000 Isn't that weird?

00:28:58.000 Anyway, the guys I did that show with are super cool dudes who I love that will probably never speak to me again.

00:29:10.000 There it is.

00:29:11.000 What's their names?

00:29:13.000 Jay?

00:29:16.000 No, not those guys.

00:29:20.000 Jay something?

00:29:22.000 Anyway, those two dudes who I would still get along with like great if we were, if it wasn't this world we're in today.

00:29:31.000 But if I walked, like if I ding-dong their doorbell, if I ding-dong their doorbell in 2014, they go, hey man, what's up?

00:29:40.000 If I ding-dong their doorbell today, they would shit their fucking pants.

00:29:46.000 I think it's Jay and Jason.

00:29:48.000 Anyway, I still remember everything about those dudes.

00:29:52.000 I could talk shit about them.

00:29:53.000 I could say they're rapists.

00:29:55.000 I could say they fuck girls when girls were passed out. 1.00

00:29:58.000 That's not the case.

00:30:00.000 Super awesome dudes.

00:30:02.000 Great guys.

00:30:04.000 Sort of like David Cross.

00:30:06.000 David Cross was my best pal.

00:30:10.000 We peaced out during the divorce.

00:30:13.000 And my revenge is to say, great guy.

00:30:20.000 And also, the thing about David is everyone wanted to fuck him, which I did not understand.

00:30:25.000 He was bald and ugly, but he never considered cheating on any girlfriend he ever had.

00:30:32.000 I'm happy to shit on people who dump me that are assholes.

00:30:36.000 I couldn't wait.

00:30:38.000 Couldn't wait to do it.

00:30:40.000 Oh, the guy was in Japanther.

00:30:42.000 No, what was he in?

00:30:45.000 Let's see.

00:30:46.000 Did I find those guys?

00:30:48.000 In that article, it just said a bunch of Frankies. 0.99

00:30:52.000 Japanther.

00:30:55.000 With Matt Riley and Ian Venick.

00:30:58.000 Who's the singer of Japan?

00:31:02.000 No, that's a different band.

00:31:03.000 Sorry.

00:31:03.000 Maybe I'm thinking of the other Japanther band.

00:31:05.000 What were they called?

00:31:09.000 Anyway, next call.

00:31:12.000 Let's see what we got.

00:31:13.000 Dominic.

00:31:15.000 Why don't you take this while I go piss?

00:31:17.000 Alright.

00:31:19.000 Yo, Dominic, you want to line me up?

00:31:20.000 What's up, guys?

00:31:21.000 Hey, man.

00:31:22.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

00:31:23.000 Can you hear me?

00:31:24.000 Yes.

00:31:25.000 Can you hear me?

00:31:26.000 Yes.

00:31:28.000 Hey, what's up, Sparkly Eyes and Warden of the Fag Zone? 1.00

00:31:33.000 What's that?

00:31:35.000 So what's up, old Sparkly Eyes and Warden of the Fag Zone? 1.00

00:31:38.000 I'm both of those.

00:31:41.000 Yeah, yeah, I know.

00:31:42.000 So, Gavin, listen, I'm a regular listener to the show.

00:31:46.000 I think you're awesome.

00:31:47.000 And I just wanted to call him.

00:31:50.000 Oh, so Gavin's not there.

00:31:51.000 Gavin's not there.

00:31:52.000 Yeah, dude, I'm here.

00:31:54.000 Just do the fucking problem.

00:31:56.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:31:57.000 Sorry.

00:31:58.000 So, you know, your musical acumen is very impressive, right?

00:32:02.000 I haven't stopped listening to that ToonYard album.

00:32:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:06.000 Oh, that's weird.

00:32:06.000 I haven't stopped listening to The Care Yard.

00:32:10.000 What's that?

00:32:12.000 Oh, that's weird.

00:32:12.000 I haven't stopped listening to The Care Yard.

00:32:17.000 I get it.

00:32:17.000 That's, wah, wah, wah, wah.

00:32:19.000 Jeez.

00:32:20.000 I'm fucking bombing right now.

00:32:21.000 No, you're not.

00:32:22.000 This is Ryan.

00:32:23.000 I'm trying to be a dick, but I'm not sure if I can do it.

00:32:25.000 Anyway, yeah, so over the weekend, I went to a poker game with some buddies Of mine.

00:32:30.000 So again, Gavin, your musical taste is really, really impressive.

00:32:34.000 I'd love to have a conversation with you one day, but I'm a piece of garbage and you would never give me that time.

00:32:38.000 But I decided at this poker game to throw on Ryan's up and down song again.

00:32:44.000 And it turned into a Westboro Baptist Church fucking chorus of that.

00:32:56.000 That's fantastic, sir.

00:32:58.000 How did you find the song?

00:32:59.000 Where did you get the song from?

00:33:05.000 Hello, sir?

00:33:08.000 He dropped it.

00:33:09.000 I did not drop him.

00:33:11.000 We can get him back.

00:33:12.000 Yeah, I swear to God.

00:33:12.000 I want to hear where he goes.

00:33:13.000 Let's dig up your song.

00:33:15.000 See, well, I took it off the internet and they can't be found.

00:33:19.000 I looked and somebody said it was bullshit.

00:33:21.000 It's the up and the down.

00:33:22.000 It's the up the down.

00:33:24.000 You got to go up.

00:33:25.000 You got to go down.

00:33:25.000 You can see it from the show.

00:33:26.000 That's it.

00:33:27.000 You got to go up.

00:33:28.000 You got to go down.

00:33:29.000 No, it doesn't exist.

00:33:30.000 All right, let's get him back on the line.

00:33:33.000 Dominic, call back and then say you're Dominic.

00:33:36.000 Oh, here he is.

00:33:36.000 Call back.

00:33:37.000 See, I can call him back.

00:33:40.000 I can do that sort of thing.

00:33:43.000 Jan?

00:33:43.000 Dominic?

00:33:44.000 Hello?

00:33:44.000 Yeah, so where did you hear the song from?

00:33:46.000 Kevin wants to know.

00:33:48.000 Actually, I recorded it a few weeks back when you played it on one of the episodes.

00:33:54.000 Fantastic.

00:33:54.000 Oh, cool.

00:33:56.000 Ryan scrubbed it from the internet.

00:33:59.000 Oh, no, no.

00:33:59.000 It's become my favorite song.

00:34:01.000 I listen to my wife daily.

00:34:02.000 How does it go?

00:34:03.000 You want to go up?

00:34:04.000 You should have gone down.

00:34:05.000 How does it go?

00:34:07.000 I'm not going to stoop to your gay levels and sing that fucking song. 1.00

00:34:11.000 What?

00:34:13.000 So another funny thing, my wife is a Puerto Rican woman, Latino woman. 0.91

00:34:19.000 And when I first started really, really getting into your show, she associated you with the Proud Boys and just assumed because of all the fucking fake bullshit media that you guys were Nazis and racists.

00:34:34.000 In a sense, I'm not singing on a daily basis, but I've caught her singing the Gavin mailbag song in the shower, which is pretty awesome.

00:34:46.000 Okay, cool.

00:34:47.000 Thanks for your call.

00:34:52.000 Ups and downs and lefts and rights and fucking left and right. 0.96

00:34:56.000 I like that.

00:34:57.000 Pretty cool.

00:34:58.000 He thought I was you.

00:35:00.000 He bought it.

00:35:02.000 Mark is online.

00:35:03.000 Or Peter, rather.

00:35:05.000 Sorry.

00:35:10.000 Peter?

00:35:11.000 Alright, hey, Peter.

00:35:14.000 Yo.

00:35:17.000 Hello?

00:35:21.000 Johnny Apple CBD.

00:35:23.000 Yes.

00:35:23.000 Johnny Apple CBD has been with us since the very fucking beginning.

00:35:29.000 Support our day one sponsor.

00:35:31.000 This episode is brought to you by our proud boy sponsor.

00:35:34.000 Sorry, our proud sponsor, Johnny Apple CBD.

00:35:36.000 Johnny Apple CBD has been with Censor.tv since day one.

00:35:40.000 Go to jacbd.com right now and show them the same support you show us, even if it's a small purchase.

00:35:49.000 Buy the gummies.

00:35:50.000 Get a tincture.

00:35:51.000 Treat yourself.

00:35:53.000 jacbd.com promo code gavin 20 off all orders thank you johnny apple cbd for sticking with us through covid through all this other bullshit god bless johnny apple cbd god bless america and remember there's so much variety with this product like the tinctures are great for your coffee they take the edge off so you get the high you get the fucking adrenaline rush from the coffee without the freak out but i love the topicals when you have

00:38:42.000 cool app where you put your phone on an elevated glass and then you trace the picture you know what i mean so it makes sense too because the the phone can obviously see your pen and then there's a picture there above it so you're just following the tracing of the pen it's a cool way to trace and i go i'm gonna buy you this i don't even know if it's it costs money.

00:39:09.000 And she goes, Oh, that's great.

00:39:10.000 And I went, Wait a minute.

00:39:12.000 Why'd you just respond?

00:39:14.000 Oh, that's great.

00:39:16.000 You should be responding tomorrow.

00:39:18.000 So I sprinted to her room and I went, What the fuck?

00:39:22.000 And she went, I was just doing my homework on my screen.

00:39:25.000 I do my homework on my screen.

00:39:29.000 I'm trying to find it.

00:39:31.000 Sounds like a cool thing.

00:39:32.000 Cool app.

00:39:36.000 Let me just text my daughter.

00:39:40.000 Want to take a call while we do it?

00:39:41.000 Sad to say I must be on my way.

00:39:44.000 Surprimey beer and whiskey.

00:39:45.000 So you're going far away.

00:39:47.000 It's called Davin C-I-E-Y-E.

00:39:57.000 Oh, Da Vinci Eye.

00:39:59.000 Da Vinci Eye.

00:40:06.000 Before I did you know there's a weird thing with that whole time in art history where they go, it's kind of unusual that you became perfect in one afternoon.

00:40:19.000 Like you were pretty good at drawing faces, pretty good drawing faces, and then one day you became perfect and you did the Bona Lisa.

00:40:28.000 And most people believe that they had been doing this weird bulb where the light would shine it and it would flex someone upside down on a canvas.

00:40:39.000 60 Minutes had a whole thing about this.

00:40:41.000 And then you just trace them upside down.

00:40:43.000 You ever see Alan's Vermeer?

00:40:46.000 No, what's that?

00:40:47.000 Penn Gillette has a friend that does a whole bunch of weird stuff.

00:40:51.000 Never painted ever.

00:40:52.000 He was a collector, an engineer, all sorts of things, but never a painter.

00:40:55.000 And he learned how to paint Vormeers, which is this Renaissance painter or something like that.

00:41:00.000 Alan's Vormier.

00:41:02.000 Painting.

00:41:03.000 But he did it just like that.

00:41:07.000 Yeah.

00:41:08.000 Document.

00:41:10.000 Well, let's take the next call.

00:41:13.000 Okay, we've got Peter.

00:41:16.000 Hey, Peter.

00:41:17.000 Hello.

00:41:19.000 Hey.

00:41:21.000 I need some advice.

00:41:24.000 I got a new job, and in the salary negotiation, I overpriced myself.

00:41:31.000 He said no.

00:41:32.000 And now my skills are not matching the job.

00:41:37.000 And I'm underqualified.

00:41:39.000 So I need your advice.

00:41:40.000 What was your skills?

00:41:42.000 What's your salary?

00:41:45.000 I asked for 45 and I got 35.

00:41:49.000 Oh, that's fine.

00:41:51.000 Dude, the national average salary is 50.

00:41:56.000 So you're good.

00:41:58.000 Just bust your ass. 0.74

00:41:59.000 Here's my advice.

00:42:00.000 Say yes to everything.

00:42:03.000 Hey, we need you to stay and do inventory on Friday night.

00:42:06.000 Yes.

00:42:07.000 Just keep saying yes, yes, yes.

00:42:09.000 You know, my dad had a great thing.

00:42:12.000 He would under-negotiate, and he'd get a salary that sucked for himself.

00:42:16.000 And then other people would bid on him because they wanted to scoop him from his company.

00:42:21.000 And the free market tended to handle my dad pretty well.

00:42:25.000 So I would say if you over-negotiate yourself, which I don't think you did at 35K, just say yes to every fucking thing they offer.

00:42:35.000 Everything.

00:42:36.000 I do.

00:42:37.000 I do.

00:42:38.000 And that's like my mindset.

00:42:39.000 You know, we're like, that's kind of like probably a lot of people on the show who watch the show.

00:42:42.000 That's their mindset.

00:42:44.000 But, you know, it just, like, it's all virtual.

00:42:49.000 So it sucks in that sense.

00:42:51.000 So.

00:42:51.000 You got to be proud of you, boys.

00:42:52.000 Bye.

00:42:53.000 Thanks for calling.

00:42:55.000 I love that fade.

00:42:57.000 That's weird that he pointed that out.

00:42:59.000 He's like, yeah, I think everybody that listens to you do.

00:43:01.000 I did a blackballed podcast, and he's like a mini version of you.

00:43:06.000 You know, he's always saying he's Gavin's son, long-lost son.

00:43:09.000 I got another friend.

00:43:10.000 Josh says that.

00:43:10.000 He's like, yeah, I'm Gavin's son.

00:43:12.000 And it's like hanging out with the gremlins when they get wet.

00:43:15.000 It's like there's like a spider gremlin and like a, there's a nice Gavin gremlin.

00:43:20.000 There's like a nerdy Gavin gremlin.

00:43:21.000 Is there a faggot loser gremlin who wears a knitted hat and has his bangs curling over the cusp of the hat? 1.00

00:43:30.000 I don't.

00:43:31.000 I don't think so.

00:43:32.000 What are you doing, dude?

00:43:33.000 What the fuck is with your hair?

00:43:35.000 It's green.

00:43:37.000 The hat's green.

00:43:41.000 There we go.

00:43:42.000 I'm going to shave your head.

00:43:43.000 I hope not.

00:43:44.000 Because I'm waiting for the ponytail.

00:43:45.000 It's a rite of Japanese face passage. 0.68

00:43:48.000 We got Alex.

00:43:52.000 Top of the morning, Payboy.

00:43:53.000 Top of the morning.

00:43:57.000 Happy motherfucking Sam Patty's Day.

00:43:58.000 Happy fucking, you got your baby. 1.00

00:44:00.000 Thank you for all of it.

00:44:01.000 You do.

00:44:05.000 I want to talk briefly about my friends.

00:44:08.000 So, like, I'm 30.

00:44:10.000 Pretty much all of them are married.

00:44:12.000 Like, 10 of them are married.

00:44:13.000 They're late 20s, early 30s.

00:44:15.000 They live in like tiny apartments in like San Francisco or New York or Boston.

00:44:23.000 They make a ton of money.

00:44:24.000 They make like six figures each.

00:44:27.000 And the kids are just not on the fucking radar at all.

00:44:32.000 And the weird part is that if I bring it up, it's like a taboo thing.

00:44:35.000 It's like, oh, we still got all the time in the world.

00:44:38.000 And I'm just like, it's a weird situation because I want to see them, you know, be moms and dads.

00:44:44.000 And it's just, it's almost like.

00:44:46.000 But wait, when you say the kids aren't on the radar at all, the kids exist.

00:44:52.000 No, the kids aren't even, they're not in the game plan.

00:44:58.000 Like, they don't want to have kids.

00:45:00.000 They're not even thinking about it.

00:45:00.000 So what do you mean when you say the kids on the radar?

00:45:02.000 The kids are gone.

00:45:04.000 They've never been born.

00:45:06.000 They've never been born.

00:45:08.000 So it's not.

00:45:09.000 They don't even want to have them.

00:45:11.000 Oh, fuck.

00:45:12.000 Yeah, they're fucking losers.

00:45:13.000 So how do you know that?

00:45:15.000 How do you separate yourself from these people?

00:45:20.000 No, I mean, they're not bad guys.

00:45:22.000 Yeah, they are.

00:45:23.000 I think that they just take the media super seriously.

00:45:28.000 And for them to have kids, it would mean sacrificing maybe some of their careers, which are super important.

00:45:35.000 But I think that that's so much of the culture now is just making money and rising to the top of the career.

00:45:45.000 And then by the time they're like mid-thirties, maybe they'll have one kid, you know?

00:45:49.000 Does they have dogs?

00:45:52.000 Yeah, dump them.

00:45:53.000 Kill their dogs.

00:45:55.000 I mean...

00:45:57.000 They definitely have dogs.

00:45:58.000 Yeah, kill their dogs so that way they're...

00:45:59.000 People are making horrible mistakes.

00:46:01.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

00:46:02.000 Let's call Alan Froyer.

00:46:04.000 Ooh.

00:46:06.000 I get excited every time I think he's going to pick up.

00:46:09.000 Here we go.

00:46:10.000 Is this the British aristocrat?

00:46:12.000 The Austrian aristocrat?

00:46:13.000 No.

00:46:14.000 Oh, New York Times reporter.

00:46:15.000 Not the one who died and isn't.

00:46:24.000 What the f?

00:46:26.000 So close, but so far.

00:46:29.000 So far away.

00:46:31.000 So far away.

00:46:34.000 So for you're away.

00:46:37.000 Hit me with your best shot.

00:46:39.000 Four you're away.

00:46:41.000 That's not him.

00:46:45.000 Hey.

00:46:45.000 Hey, man.

00:46:47.000 How are you?

00:46:48.000 Good.

00:46:48.000 How are you?

00:46:49.000 I'm doing okay.

00:46:50.000 I'm doing okay.

00:46:51.000 Sorry we missed each other.

00:46:52.000 Yeah, we're playing phone tag.

00:46:55.000 Well, that's how that's what happens.

00:46:58.000 So yeah, I mean, you know, what can I say?

00:47:02.000 I mean, you know, I'm curious what your thoughts on this whole situation are.

00:47:11.000 You know, it seems from what you were saying that, like, you buy the notion that there's some sort of favoritism amongst the police towards the group,

00:47:27.000 but that maybe it's merited.

00:47:29.000 And, you know, like, I hear what you're saying.

00:47:31.000 I get that.

00:47:33.000 You know, like, you know, when you have a group of people who are avowedly anti-police and they don't make any secret about it, you know, I guess there's a certain logic to that.

00:47:48.000 So, anyhow.

00:47:52.000 I just thought it was weird.

00:47:54.000 In the article, you said that I called for violence.

00:47:58.000 Like I said, can I condone massive violence?

00:48:02.000 I am.

00:48:03.000 Where'd you get that from?

00:48:05.000 The videos.

00:48:07.000 I'll send you the videos.

00:48:08.000 It's straight from the video.

00:48:13.000 It's straight from the...

00:48:16.000 I think the iteration of it was the Gavin McGinnis show.

00:48:19.000 Right, but I think it's Vic Berger's clips.

00:48:26.000 Okay, well, what does that mean?

00:48:28.000 Vic Berger takes samples from shows and makes his own narrative.

00:48:35.000 All right.

00:48:41.000 Are they deep fakes?

00:48:43.000 No, but the actual example I was talking about was a bunch of Bernie supporters horking in the faces of Trump supporters.

00:48:54.000 And then the Bernie supporters would say, hey, I identify as a female.

00:49:01.000 You can't hit me.

00:49:02.000 So I was saying, no, fucking attack them.

00:49:05.000 Choke them.

00:49:06.000 Fuck them.

00:49:08.000 You know, just because you identify as a woman doesn't mean you're impervious to fucking choking. 0.64

00:49:13.000 But you got your information from Vic Berger.

00:49:18.000 Well, no, no, I think you and I, if you recall, you know, we've had an ongoing conversation about this kind of stuff.

00:49:26.000 I think one time I had suggested to you that, you know, there was a way to deal with, you know, leftist activists that your guys have been in sort of what is now,

00:49:43.000 you know, four years of conflict with.

00:49:47.000 And there was one approach where you could kind of do the Gandhian nonviolent situation.

00:49:57.000 And if, you know, your guys are the.

00:49:59.000 So maybe have a meeting with Antifa in a big sort of open dome.

00:50:05.000 No, no, no.

00:50:06.000 My point was let yourselves get your asses kicked on television.

00:50:15.000 Oh, I remember that.

00:50:16.000 Yeah.

00:50:17.000 And you said, no, we like to fight.

00:50:20.000 And I actually think that that's true.

00:50:24.000 Like, I take you at your word, you know?

00:50:27.000 Anyway.

00:50:29.000 So it's considered egregious and aggressive to not just lie there and get beaten by your paramilitary force as a member of the DNC.

00:50:40.000 To not just sit there and get beaten by Antifa.

00:50:43.000 That's considered adventurous.

00:50:47.000 No, no, listen, I was just throwing that out there as a suggestion.

00:50:51.000 And, you know, I just.

00:50:52.000 Would you do that?

00:50:53.000 Would you do that?

00:50:56.000 Let myself get my ass kicked?

00:51:00.000 Listen, man, I'm, you know, I'm not an activist, but sure, if I was trying to like make a...

00:51:06.000 No, you're a nothingness, Alan.

00:51:07.000 You would never do that.

00:51:08.000 You would never do anything even close to that.

00:51:11.000 You wouldn't withdraw brunch.

00:51:15.000 You would not deny yourself eggs and ham at noon.

00:51:23.000 That's funny, but I mean, I only find it funny because I'm actually, if you knew me, like, I'm a, like, you know, I'm an active brunch despite it.

00:51:36.000 I don't really care, but, you know.

00:51:39.000 No, I just say that because you were asking me, you know, kind of where I get the idea that you, I mean, yes, you personally.

00:51:52.000 You know, you don't mind a fight.

00:51:55.000 You don't mind a fight.

00:51:57.000 I mean, I'm not pulling that out of my asshole.

00:51:59.000 No, of course not.

00:52:01.000 That's the problem with the Proud Boys is they're the only ones willing to fight.

00:52:04.000 I don't think you've ever fought for anything in your life.

00:52:07.000 Maybe I don't even think kindergarten.

00:52:10.000 Again, you don't really know me, but that's fine.

00:52:12.000 That's fair.

00:52:13.000 I do.

00:52:14.000 I've seen you talk about the other Alan Foyer, who was a Baron who enjoyed balls.

00:52:18.000 I think I know who you are.

00:52:20.000 I've seen you watch your marriage deteriorate into feminism where you went and fucked some 20-year-old. 1.00

00:52:28.000 What I think is more important here, though, is that we understand who is this David guy you write your articles with?

00:52:37.000 Are you guys like the Prowboys team?

00:52:41.000 So David, if you want to know, you know, he spent a lot of years in the Middle East.

00:52:47.000 He came back.

00:52:48.000 He's in this country now.

00:52:50.000 He works on the investigations team, I think, whatever the fuck they call it.

00:53:00.000 You know, I have more experience.

00:53:04.000 Is he the guy that came with that line?

00:53:05.000 The first rule of fight club is you have to be white? 0.67

00:53:09.000 No, that was a totally different guy.

00:53:13.000 Totally different guy.

00:53:17.000 Anyhow, I'm super curious.

00:53:20.000 I thought you were done with this.

00:53:22.000 I am, but I don't like my club that I founded being disparaged by these amateur fucking, I don't know what to call you, meandering aristocrats.

00:53:36.000 You are the other Alan Foyer.

00:53:40.000 Wow.

00:53:41.000 Okay, sure.

00:53:43.000 That's funny.

00:53:44.000 Meandering.

00:53:45.000 Where does the meandering come from?

00:53:47.000 Well, you're so devoted to the New York Times that you don't care about truth.

00:53:51.000 You just care about your brand.

00:53:53.000 And you've pursued this group relentlessly throughout everything.

00:53:57.000 You've ignored the Aryan nations, even ignored Antifa.

00:54:02.000 You've ignored the black Hebrew Israelites.

00:54:04.000 You focus totally on this one group because you're dying for them to sin.

00:54:09.000 And I have no idea why.

00:54:11.000 Maybe you're Jewish and you think that you're not white and you want to find some sort of like evil white group. 0.61

00:54:20.000 That doesn't make sense to me either, but you're just consumed with the proud boys.

00:54:28.000 No, that's actually not true.

00:54:30.000 I mean, I've written a lot about the group, but to say I'm consumed with it would be...

00:54:34.000 Okay, what have you written about Antifa?

00:54:36.000 Well, you ended your article with Flashbang Grenades on Ethan Nordine.

00:54:41.000 Where is your research on Antifa's flashbang grenades?

00:54:46.000 Well, tell me what you think the flashbang grenades were referring to.

00:54:53.000 In your article or with Antifa?

00:54:56.000 In my article.

00:54:57.000 I don't know.

00:54:58.000 I don't know.

00:54:58.000 It was thrown out at the very end of the article.

00:55:01.000 No context.

00:55:02.000 We don't know what it means.

00:55:03.000 But every single Antifa event has been drenched in flashbang grenades to no mention from Alan and fucking David.

00:55:17.000 All right.

00:55:18.000 Well, the flashbangs in the story that we wrote were actually thrown by the FBI.

00:55:27.000 Okay, that sounds like a big fucking Pandora's box to end your article on.

00:55:33.000 Well, I think it was, you know, taken straight from Ethan's lawyer's court papers because the FBI came screaming into his house with fucking assault rifles pointed at his wife throwing the flashbangs.

00:55:47.000 So wait, who had the flashbangs?

00:55:49.000 No, it was the FBI?

00:55:51.000 Correct.

00:55:52.000 Okay, the way your article ends is implies that Ethan was caught with a pile of flashbang grenades.

00:55:59.000 No, I know you're smarter than that, Gabby.

00:56:01.000 Okay, maybe I have to reread it.

00:56:03.000 You might, but that's okay.

00:56:07.000 It just sounds curious that people like you are so obsessed with white supremacy, yet you don't acknowledge, you know, the Aryan nations or other black Hebrew Israelites.

00:56:21.000 I texted you this recently, but you didn't have a response.

00:56:25.000 Well, no, because I was waiting for you.

00:56:26.000 Because I know, like, when you're hot and bothered.

00:56:31.000 You're so hot and bothered.

00:56:32.000 I know, but actually, I get the same way.

00:56:35.000 So, you know.

00:56:38.000 But you have nothing at stake, Alan.

00:56:40.000 You don't have a wife.

00:56:41.000 You don't have kids.

00:56:42.000 I have a wife and kids.

00:56:43.000 So when I'm hot and bothered, I care about the future of this country.

00:56:47.000 You're just fucking clinging to the top fold of the New York Times.

00:56:52.000 That's all you have.

00:56:55.000 If that's what you need to think, that's cool.

00:57:02.000 Sure.

00:57:04.000 That's why you do this fake journalism where you just find three patterns and then you make it a thing.

00:57:10.000 Like when you said that I said that you should choke a tranny that I'm calling for violence. 1.00

00:57:18.000 You don't know the context of that.

00:57:19.000 The context of that you got from a Vic Berger video.

00:57:23.000 The actual context of that was me noticing that Bernie supporters were spitting in the faces of Trump supporters and then saying, I identify as a woman.

00:57:33.000 And I was saying, I don't care what you identify as, beat someone up if they spit in your face.

00:57:38.000 But you were using your source as a fucking Vic Berger video.

00:57:44.000 His entire raison debt is manipulating the fucking media.

00:57:55.000 You know, it's...

00:57:58.000 I'm super curious to understand what this group is like.

00:58:08.000 They've unleashed the terrible powers of the federal government at this point.

00:58:15.000 Do you think that your folks understand that?

00:58:19.000 They must understand it at this point.

00:58:22.000 Yes, thanks to people like you.

00:58:25.000 Listen, man, I had nothing to do with that.

00:58:27.000 Yeah, you did.

00:58:29.000 Dude, you're above the fold.

00:58:31.000 You're above the fold on the front page of the New York Times.

00:58:35.000 If you think the FBI takes its orders from me, then there's not much I can do.

00:58:39.000 They absolutely do, Alan.

00:58:42.000 They absolutely do.

00:58:45.000 That's a really interesting thing.

00:58:46.000 I have two friends in prison for four years because of misnomers like someone uninterpreting the word nigger from my show. 0.95

00:58:58.000 In fact, I just watched it where they did an appeal and they reinterpreted quotes from my show.

00:59:06.000 So your half-assed journalism actually has men in prison, including men who have three black children.

00:59:14.000 Well, first of all, I never actually wrote a thing about the trial or the trial.

00:59:21.000 That doesn't matter.

00:59:22.000 They're proud boys.

00:59:23.000 You write about proud boys, my friend.

00:59:26.000 Isn't it funny how you did a fair article about me like two years ago, and then you got pilloried for it?

00:59:32.000 And you basically said, I'm never doing that again.

00:59:36.000 And you started shitting on Proud Boys.

00:59:39.000 I understand that there's like crazy people on the left who if you don't put Proud Boys equals Nazis, then you are a Nazi.

00:59:50.000 I mean, people called me a Nazi.

00:59:51.000 But you did that.

00:59:54.000 Yeah, you did.

00:59:54.000 Your cover story is propaganda.

00:59:58.000 No, I...

01:00:00.000 You said I called for violence.

01:00:02.000 When did I say, am I calling for violence?

01:00:05.000 Because I am.

01:00:06.000 What was that from?

01:00:08.000 It was from a fucking Vic Berger video, you amateur.

01:00:13.000 It was from your Gavin McInnis show.

01:00:17.000 Yes.

01:00:18.000 What was the context, Alan?

01:00:21.000 Well.

01:00:26.000 When you say shit, right?

01:00:31.000 So a bunch of Birdie supporters can quirk in the face of Trump supporters.

01:00:36.000 When I say, you need, am I calling for violence?

01:00:39.000 I am.

01:00:39.000 You should fight back.

01:00:40.000 You cut out the first part.

01:00:42.000 You take it from Vic Berger.

01:00:44.000 You work for the New York Times and you say, I've got your, that's an example of wanton violence.

01:00:52.000 Pathetic.

01:00:54.000 Pathetic.

01:00:55.000 You are getting your information from this clown.

01:01:01.000 Well, look, I, you know, hope that, you know, you guys, I don't even know what to say to that, to tell you the truth.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:15.000 You stumped me, Gavin.

01:01:17.000 I didn't stump you.

01:01:18.000 I pointed out what an amateur you are.

01:01:21.000 You're a fucking amateur.

01:01:22.000 And here's what's deeper seated.

01:01:25.000 You let your marriage fall apart.

01:01:27.000 You don't have a wife.

01:01:28.000 You don't have kids.

01:01:29.000 And have you noticed that your enemies are family men?

01:01:34.000 You know, I'm just...

01:01:35.000 Joe Biggs has kids.

01:01:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:38.000 All right.

01:01:38.000 All right, Kevin.

01:01:41.000 We're about two seconds from cutting this one off.

01:01:43.000 We did that last time.

01:01:44.000 Last time I pointed out that the New York Times is slate, I said it greatly down.

01:01:50.000 You were screaming that I was at the January 6th thing.

01:01:54.000 You laughed and you hung up on me last time.

01:01:57.000 That is true.

01:01:58.000 So you tend to hang up on me when I've pointed out that you're a fucking clown.

01:02:02.000 And then I did the right thing.

01:02:03.000 Do you remember what I did?

01:02:05.000 Yeah, you call back to apologize.

01:02:07.000 You're damn right I did.

01:02:09.000 You should just call me on a loop apologizing.

01:02:14.000 Well, you know, when I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

01:02:18.000 All right.

01:02:18.000 How about that other Alan Foyer, though?

01:02:21.000 That was kind of fun.

01:02:22.000 Was he an aristocrat?

01:02:23.000 What was his deal with his funny outfits?

01:02:28.000 He was essentially a Gatsby.

01:02:32.000 He made it all up.

01:02:33.000 He was from fucking, like, he was from a working class family in Mount Vernon.

01:02:40.000 And he bullshitted his way into that weird society.

01:02:45.000 So.

01:02:46.000 Perfect.

01:02:47.000 Cool guy.

01:02:50.000 Perfect.

01:02:52.000 I can't believe you just started talking about the other Alan Foyer.

01:02:55.000 Like, you really gave a fuck.

01:02:56.000 That's who exactly you are.

01:02:59.000 You fucking cunt Alan Foyer.

01:03:02.000 You are a fucking fake aristocrat.

01:03:05.000 I'd say you'll always be the other Alan Foyer to me.

01:03:09.000 All right, let's take a call.

01:03:14.000 Alright, we got Christian.

01:03:16.000 Call it Christian. 0.91

01:03:17.000 You're the only one.

01:03:23.000 Alright, let's get motoring.

01:03:28.000 Hello.

01:03:29.000 Hello?

01:03:30.000 This is awkward.

01:03:31.000 This is embarrassing.

01:03:32.000 It's not good TV.

01:03:34.000 Hello.

01:03:35.000 Hello?

01:03:37.000 Next call.

01:03:39.000 See what happens there?

01:03:42.000 Gotta be on it, y'all.

01:03:44.000 Mario.

01:03:46.000 Your way.

01:03:48.000 Your way.

01:03:53.000 Come on, Mario.

01:03:54.000 What's up, Mario?

01:03:55.000 You out of line, bro.

01:03:56.000 Hello?

01:03:57.000 Hello?

01:03:59.000 This is Mario.

01:04:01.000 I don't care.

01:04:03.000 Hello?

01:04:04.000 Yeah, fuck you.

01:04:07.000 Hey, yeah, I'm Colin because I live in North Carolina.

01:04:11.000 I moved here from the Bay Area.

01:04:14.000 I guess it's about close to five years ago.

01:04:16.000 I used to live out here a long time ago, and I moved to the West Coast, and then decided to move back once I started a family.

01:04:23.000 But just wanted to give you advice on moving to North Carolina or Tennessee or any red state if you're up for hearing it.

01:04:31.000 Yep, yep, come all ears.

01:04:35.000 Well, me and my woman definitely agree that if you're moving anywhere post-COVID, whether you're conservative or whatever, you're behind the curve a little bit.

01:04:49.000 I came to North Carolina because I got so sick of the Bay and so sick of California and all that.

01:04:55.000 And just wanted to be in a place where I feel like I could hold some ground, you know, in a red state.

01:05:02.000 But all those states are, you know, they're starting to get swaths of blue.

01:05:06.000 There's a woman that called you a couple weeks ago and she's like trying to encourage you to move to Asheville.

01:05:10.000 Let me tell you something.

01:05:12.000 Go move to Asheville.

01:05:13.000 That is, it's like basically the San Francisco of North Carolina.

01:05:16.000 It is as liberal as it gets.

01:05:18.000 If you look on a voting map, you'll just see it's solid blue territory.

01:05:23.000 But really, like everybody, at least in the area of North Carolina, Carolina I live in, I live in Coastal Carolina.

01:05:32.000 There's so many carpetbaggers coming, all you Yankees coming from everywhere. 1.00

01:05:37.000 And everybody's fleeing all these cities because of all the COVID lockdowns and because of Democrat policies.

01:05:43.000 And the attitude, my attitude anyways, is kind of like, well, you know, like, that's great.

01:05:49.000 You're moving here.

01:05:50.000 If you want to keep it red, that's great.

01:05:52.000 But mostly people are just coming, driving property values up.

01:05:57.000 They're not assimilating to the culture around here as far as everyday going, driving.

01:06:03.000 Yeah, I totally get that.

01:06:05.000 I understand what you're saying.

01:06:07.000 My son is a Mets fan.

01:06:09.000 He'll be a Mets fan until he dies.

01:06:11.000 He'll wear Mets shirts.

01:06:12.000 But we will also have an American flag in our yard.

01:06:15.000 And I have this crazy idea where I'm going to open a bar called the Big Apple that's going to be a New York-themed bar.

01:06:23.000 But when I get interviewed by the local media about the bar, I'm going to explain clearly that I fucking hate New York City and everything it represents.

01:06:34.000 It's a disgusting fucking shithole.

01:06:37.000 And we're escaping from New York.

01:06:39.000 Yeah, see, we already know all that shit.

01:06:42.000 Like, you're not going to tell anybody anything fucking new down here, buddy.

01:06:46.000 Like, here's the thing.

01:06:47.000 You know that Carhartt jacket that you tied up behind your car and you drug for five miles to make it look...

01:06:54.000 This is what you do with that Carhartt jacket when you move here, dude.

01:06:57.000 You put it on and you go get a job, work in some blue-collar job for a little while, get to know the people.

01:07:03.000 I know we love your show and we'd hate to see you go off the air, but if you want to really assimilate to the culture, keep your head down, work hard, put Ryan Katzu Rivera. 0.62

01:07:13.000 He's kind of like your indentured servant.

01:07:14.000 Send him out there.

01:07:16.000 Put some calluses on those baby soft hands that he has. 0.95

01:07:19.000 How dare you?

01:07:20.000 And that's how you're going to get to know all the people around here.

01:07:23.000 Salt, I agree with you.

01:07:24.000 Put yourself to work.

01:07:26.000 We're in the same page.

01:07:27.000 Thank you, sir.

01:07:28.000 Thanks for gone.

01:07:29.000 Toodaloo.

01:07:30.000 We agree with you.

01:07:31.000 Yeah.

01:07:33.000 It's true.

01:07:35.000 He's true.

01:07:35.000 It's true.

01:07:36.000 He's right.

01:07:38.000 He's screaming the justice.

01:07:39.000 He's screaming the truth.

01:07:43.000 I like this hat.

01:07:45.000 We're going to give Christian another chance.

01:07:46.000 Christian, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:07:49.000 You talk now.

01:07:50.000 You talk good.

01:07:52.000 All right.

01:07:53.000 You're dead forever.

01:07:54.000 I never want to hear your stupid name again.

01:07:56.000 Bitch. 1.00

01:07:59.000 I'm feeling a real sort of anger in my arms when I want to punch and hurt someone.

01:08:05.000 Understood.

01:08:06.000 You get that as a Puerto Rican nip?

01:08:10.000 Not all.

01:08:10.000 I've had a certain amount of whiskey.

01:08:13.000 No, not when I drink, no.

01:08:15.000 The booze starts going like that, and I start thinking about just hurting random people.

01:08:21.000 Not like a woman walking her daughter home from school, but like someone who deserves it. 1.00

01:08:26.000 I normally don't have hurting someone.

01:08:28.000 I don't have impulses like that.

01:08:31.000 I want to pound you right now. 0.99

01:08:32.000 Yeah, see, I don't have...

01:08:33.000 I want to punch my fist through your back. 0.99

01:08:38.000 Maybe you belong in New York City.

01:08:40.000 I want to break your arm right now.

01:08:42.000 Yeah, maybe that's, you know, that's the black Irish talking. 0.99

01:08:48.000 Okay.

01:08:50.000 Jim.

01:08:50.000 I'm still mad.

01:08:51.000 I'm actually getting madder.

01:08:52.000 I don't know why, but me talking about punching your back made me even more mad.

01:08:57.000 I think more angry.

01:08:58.000 I think it's because of four years.

01:08:59.000 Now I want to fucking punch a hole through the desk.

01:09:03.000 You shouldn't do that.

01:09:04.000 I don't think I'm strong enough.

01:09:06.000 It's a strong desk.

01:09:09.000 We make fun of impulse control way too much for us to fall victim.

01:09:12.000 I don't think I can do it.

01:09:14.000 We got Jim talking about drunk broadcasting.

01:09:18.000 Except Jim.

01:09:18.000 Which I don't see how that's relevant.

01:09:21.000 Bless me, Father.

01:09:23.000 Great noodle from the fag zone today.

01:09:25.000 That was an impressive Chaparican. 0.72

01:09:27.000 Father, could you expand on whether being drunk as fuck while playing guitar makes you a better guitarist or does it ruin your performance like it destroys your Nazi boss's broadcast skills? 0.88

01:09:40.000 Talk to you later with my new glasses on.

01:09:44.000 Damn.

01:09:44.000 Well, we've reduced Jim to just punching out quickly.

01:09:47.000 Remember, he used to be very long-winded.

01:09:49.000 Yeah.

01:09:50.000 Hey, Jim, whatever happened to your dream girl that you're going to marry?

01:09:53.000 Yeah, see, that's why he ducked out.

01:09:55.000 Didn't want to hear that.

01:09:56.000 Well, it goes to the next call.

01:10:00.000 Nate.

01:10:02.000 Yeah.

01:10:03.000 Happy St. Patrick's Day from Calgary, Gavin.

01:10:06.000 What's up, dude?

01:10:06.000 From the fag zone.

01:10:07.000 Hello.

01:10:08.000 Calgary.

01:10:09.000 So, Calgary, do you guys have any oil?

01:10:12.000 Is that shit happening or is it ruined by your fucking lefty faggot politicians? 1.00

01:10:21.000 Not mine, Gavin.

01:10:21.000 I'm an American.

01:10:22.000 I'm actually moved here from New York.

01:10:24.000 Oh, I thought you said you're from Calgary.

01:10:28.000 No, I am from, I am, I'm calling from Calgary, but I moved to Calgary about eight years ago.

01:10:33.000 Okay, so Calgary's ruined, right?

01:10:35.000 Isn't Calgary ruined?

01:10:38.000 Oh, Calgary is ruined, yeah.

01:10:40.000 Like, we got out here, and we had to, we had parity almost on the dollar, sending money back to the States for, you know, paying absorbent student loans and whatnot.

01:10:52.000 And within about five or six months, it just shit the bed.

01:10:59.000 And now it's just like, like you say, it's kind of like Detroit a little bit, especially in the Northeast.

01:11:05.000 It's pretty ragtag.

01:11:08.000 Probably back for about another seven years.

01:11:10.000 Ralph Klein turned that fucking province into Sweden.

01:11:16.000 And then it just got ruined, the fucking overtaxing in the tar sands.

01:11:21.000 And now, look at it.

01:11:22.000 It looks like Detroit.

01:11:24.000 What a crime.

01:11:27.000 No, yeah, and I mean, but there's, I got to say, there's Canadians aren't exactly the type to rise up.

01:11:38.000 I've talked to Canadians who don't know who their first prime minister is.

01:11:43.000 I've talked to Canadians who think that they have a First Amendment, that the U.S. Constitution is the same as their Constitution.

01:11:50.000 Who is the First Prime Minister?

01:11:52.000 And what's that?

01:11:54.000 Who is the First Prime Minister?

01:11:57.000 John McDonald.

01:11:58.000 I've been to his house in Kingston, Ontario.

01:12:00.000 Nice.

01:12:02.000 I fucked him at a party once.

01:12:04.000 He had free Coke.

01:12:07.000 Were your heels on, though?

01:12:11.000 That's back when I was time traveling.

01:12:13.000 Anyway, what can I do you for?

01:12:16.000 Anyway, I just wanted, my wife and I are big fans.

01:12:19.000 I've called in before at the Gavin McGinnis show.

01:12:22.000 I think it was when Joy Villa was on.

01:12:25.000 But no, we're.

01:12:26.000 You do a great service, you and Ryan both.

01:12:30.000 We just really appreciate the hard work.

01:12:32.000 And I know the shit that you're going through with your family and whatnot.

01:12:36.000 But yeah, I've been writing John and Max.

01:12:39.000 And John writes back quite a lot.

01:12:41.000 Nice.

01:12:44.000 Oh, great.

01:12:45.000 So, yeah, we've got a little bit of a pen pal there.

01:12:48.000 So it's good.

01:12:50.000 Yeah, thanks for calling.

01:12:51.000 Yeah, guys, please call and represent.

01:12:55.000 Please contact John and Max in prison.

01:12:59.000 You're going to be in prison.

01:13:01.000 I guarantee it.

01:13:02.000 If you're remotely ambitious, you're going to be verbote and you're going to be in prison.

01:13:06.000 But I thought this was funny.

01:13:09.000 I sent Max my workout regimen, which is beyond faggot. 1.00

01:13:16.000 It's like I did a bunch of triceps and biceps with 350 pounds at a time.

01:13:22.000 Literally, I'm not exaggerating.

01:13:24.000 He did.

01:13:24.000 I'm going like this with 350 pounds, and I'm lifting on my biceps.

01:13:30.000 I'm lifting a bar that has no weights on it.

01:13:33.000 None.

01:13:34.000 The bar is 35 pounds.

01:13:36.000 35 pounds.

01:13:37.000 So I'm already like, wow, a lunatic, a tough guy for lifting at that.

01:13:46.000 But I thought it was cool that Max got back to me.

01:13:52.000 And he said, I could barely...

01:13:59.000 Wait, you got to handle this for a second.

01:14:04.000 By the way, at the end of every episode, there's the way that you could write into John and Max.

01:14:11.000 There's the address at the end of every episode, G-O-M-L, G-O-ML Live.

01:14:15.000 It is all there.

01:14:16.000 The information at the end of every episode.

01:14:21.000 Rat Face calling about Sarah.

01:14:27.000 Hey, Don.

01:14:30.000 Hey, Bellas. 0.65

01:14:31.000 Hey there.

01:14:33.000 Thank you for your service, Gavin.

01:14:36.000 He says thank you.

01:14:40.000 All right, Bellas.

01:14:42.000 Hey, it wasn't about Sarah.

01:14:43.000 I guess I got cut off.

01:14:44.000 I was calling about therapy that I've recently entered.

01:14:46.000 Therapy.

01:14:47.000 Oh, okay.

01:14:49.000 Yeah, yeah, so I'm in therapy.

01:14:52.000 I'm also a fellow war movie veteran.

01:14:55.000 And this weekend I re-enlisted, and I decided to watch Casualties of War.

01:15:00.000 I don't know if you guys are familiar.

01:15:02.000 I'll write it down.

01:15:04.000 I don't think I've seen it.

01:15:06.000 Okay, Casualties of War.

01:15:08.000 The premise is Michael J. Fox is trying to make sure that Sean Penn, John Lake Guizamo, and John C. Riley don't rape some Vietnamese people.

01:15:16.000 John C. Riley?

01:15:18.000 They make sure they don't what?

01:15:21.000 Yeah, so that's the premise is John C. Riley, John Lake Wizamo, some other people, they're led by Sean Penn.

01:15:27.000 They're in the Vietnam War, and Michael J. Fox is the good guy saying, hey, we shouldn't rape the locals. 0.62

01:15:32.000 And Sean Penn's like, uh-uh-uh.

01:15:34.000 And that's kind of his thing.

01:15:35.000 So I watched that this weekend, and I had like a reaction to it, and I was unsure what that meant.

01:15:42.000 So I went to therapy on Monday trying to figure out what happened.

01:15:47.000 And my therapist asked, you know, what this stemmed from.

01:15:49.000 And the first time I ever saw that movie was back in 1998.

01:15:54.000 I was eight years old, and I was staying the weekend with my grandparents.

01:15:58.000 And my grandfather, he liked to watch movies that he probably shouldn't watch with kids in the room.

01:16:02.000 So that was one of the ones I watched.

01:16:05.000 But I left my grandparents' house, you know, like right as the movie was in.

01:16:09.000 And my mom came and honked the horn and I went outside and I got in the car.

01:16:14.000 And that was also the first time I ever heard that song by Cher, Do You Believe in Life After Love, you know?

01:16:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:21.000 Yeah, great song.

01:16:22.000 Yeah.

01:16:23.000 Yeah, so I watched that movie and then I heard that song and it reminded me, you know, that, so every time I thought about that movie, I thought about that song.

01:16:33.000 And here recently, I watched that movie and I totally forgot that song existed, but I was watching the movie and then that song started playing in my head and I couldn't explain it.

01:16:43.000 And so it was just this really weird feeling, like a flashback.

01:16:45.000 So I told this to my therapist and he said that I presently suffer from PTSD VD.

01:16:52.000 So for us war movie veterans, if you watch war movies and you have a reaction and it has like a flashback effect, you know, you can get compensation for having PTSD VD.

01:17:02.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:17:04.000 That was very illuminative.

01:17:07.000 That was great.

01:17:08.000 That was a long time.

01:17:10.000 Remember how much shit that Rush Limbaugh got in shit for for saying that I think it's terrible that Michael J. Fox is Parkinson's, but it might have been the Coke.

01:17:20.000 And people who do a lot of Coke, and I did a ton of Coke, tend to get Parkinson's.

01:17:28.000 And you look at Billy Connolly, fucking Robin Williams.

01:17:36.000 Robin Williams.

01:17:37.000 Oh, hey, hey, oh, did a lot of Coke.

01:17:39.000 Oh, I did a lot of Coke.

01:17:42.000 Oh, I did a lot of Coke.

01:17:44.000 That's about as all I can do right there.

01:17:46.000 I suck at that one.

01:17:47.000 Lauren, she's on the line.

01:17:50.000 Lauren, are you there?

01:17:52.000 Hello.

01:17:52.000 When was your first period?

01:17:57.000 My first period?

01:17:58.000 Yes.

01:18:01.000 Well, I was chubby, so I went through puberty early.

01:18:05.000 I think I was like 11.

01:18:06.000 Gross.

01:18:07.000 My grandparents were there.

01:18:09.000 Gross.

01:18:10.000 They were just a little spotting.

01:18:12.000 What do you mean?

01:18:12.000 Your grandparents were there for your first gross fat period?

01:18:18.000 Yeah.

01:18:19.000 They were like, here it comes.

01:18:20.000 Prepare to barf.

01:18:24.000 Kind of.

01:18:25.000 But then my mom bought me a cake.

01:18:28.000 A cake?

01:18:29.000 Was it fucking cherry pie?

01:18:31.000 Was it red?

01:18:34.000 No, I think it was.

01:18:36.000 I don't remember.

01:18:37.000 How old were you?

01:18:37.000 I remember I got excited about the cake.

01:18:39.000 Wait, how old were you?

01:18:42.000 29.

01:18:43.000 What?

01:18:44.000 What the fuck?

01:18:45.000 So you had your first period at 29?

01:18:50.000 Oh, oh, no.

01:18:50.000 I'm sorry.

01:18:51.000 I thought you asked now.

01:18:52.000 No, not now.

01:18:53.000 No, no.

01:18:56.000 That would have been crazy.

01:18:58.000 When would you get your period?

01:19:00.000 11?

01:19:02.000 Yeah.

01:19:04.000 And, okay, so you were chubby.

01:19:07.000 You had your chubby period at 11.

01:19:10.000 And you're...

01:19:11.000 What's your background?

01:19:12.000 Like, what's your ethnicity?

01:19:16.000 I'm white.

01:19:17.000 So, okay, so it wasn't like a Hispanic thing.

01:19:19.000 We're like, she have her period.

01:19:21.000 It's so great.

01:19:22.000 She's going to have a baby. 0.97

01:19:23.000 So your white family was like, what the fuck?

01:19:28.000 Your fat cunt daughter just had her fucking period all over the place. 1.00

01:19:33.000 And did you have it like in your pants or where did it go?

01:19:39.000 It was light spotting.

01:19:40.000 It was just on my underwear.

01:19:42.000 Light spotting on your underwear.

01:19:45.000 That's a good name for your autobiography.

01:19:48.000 And then you got it under control next time around, I assume.

01:19:52.000 And then it was light spotting on your always with wings.

01:19:58.000 All right, Don.

01:20:00.000 All right, so we got your period out of the way.

01:20:01.000 What can we do you for?

01:20:04.000 Well, I was wondering, I'm getting married in November, and I was wondering if you had any suggestions for good first dance songs.

01:20:13.000 Wow, that's a great question.

01:20:17.000 It's a great question.

01:20:21.000 That's obviously not our answer.

01:20:27.000 That's not our answer either.

01:20:29.000 Ryan?

01:20:34.000 What was yours?

01:20:36.000 What was mine?

01:20:43.000 We had a weird thing.

01:20:44.000 We had our marriage and then we left.

01:20:46.000 Then we came back and it was a full-on party.

01:20:49.000 So we had like a bunch of hot tunes totally rocking.

01:20:56.000 We fucked up our wedding and we didn't have the thing with the dad giving you away and we didn't have the big song where everyone could be part of it. 0.85

01:21:07.000 We had a normal weird wedding with no pictures and then we came back and it was just a party where we were just one of many members.

01:21:17.000 And my wife got super wasted. 1.00

01:21:18.000 Like this is the thing about Emily.

01:21:20.000 She's all mad. 0.99

01:21:21.000 Like we don't have any pictures of our wedding and you didn't do the normal way.

01:21:24.000 And I go, yeah, you were wasted.

01:21:27.000 I was fucking carrying you around like weekend at Bernie's.

01:21:31.000 So don't go fucking giving me shit about how it didn't go well enough.

01:21:36.000 But I went to an Irish girl's wedding and she had that, I'm a man and chuckstur, don't say, I'm a man, you don't meet every day.

01:21:51.000 Now, I don't think you want to dance with your husband with that. 0.97

01:21:54.000 But that's a good tone.

01:21:57.000 That's a good tone of a song.

01:22:03.000 What's a good soft song to dance to?

01:22:08.000 Dirty Old Town?

01:22:10.000 Maybe a pair of brown eyes.

01:22:12.000 Are your eyes brown?

01:22:15.000 No, they're green, but that's okay.

01:22:17.000 That's gross.

01:22:20.000 Everyone hates green eyes. 0.70

01:22:24.000 I'm sorry.

01:22:25.000 They're known as shit eyes in the eyes scene.

01:22:30.000 You cracked yourself up there, huh?

01:22:32.000 Was she pretty? 0.95

01:22:33.000 Yes.

01:22:34.000 I liked Ryan.

01:22:34.000 Is she smart?

01:22:35.000 Yes.

01:22:35.000 Is she funny?

01:22:36.000 Yes.

01:22:36.000 Nice tits?

01:22:37.000 Perfect tits.

01:22:38.000 Nice ass? 1.00

01:22:39.000 Yep.

01:22:39.000 What are her eyes?

01:22:40.000 Green?

01:22:41.000 Dump her! 1.00

01:22:42.000 Gross! 0.98

01:22:46.000 Let's hear, what's that song?

01:22:48.000 We'll go with Ryan's song.

01:22:49.000 Wait, don't.

01:22:50.000 Thank you.

01:22:50.000 Don't leave.

01:23:06.000 We're rolling down the mace every day.

01:23:11.000 Yeah, this is it, my dear.

01:23:15.000 Amanda! 0.60

01:23:18.000 Wait, what'd you say?

01:23:21.000 He's listening right now, too, so it's a done deal.

01:23:23.000 Yeah, let's do it.

01:23:24.000 Thank you.

01:23:24.000 Let's fucking do it.

01:23:26.000 Great work.

01:23:27.000 I'd love to be there.

01:23:28.000 Send Brian your diets.

01:23:31.000 You know, I've married a few people.

01:23:33.000 I've married about three or four people.

01:23:36.000 Key West?

01:23:37.000 Ooh.

01:23:38.000 Done.

01:23:42.000 What?

01:23:43.000 I said, done.

01:23:44.000 I'll marry you.

01:23:48.000 All right.

01:23:48.000 I'll see you in November.

01:23:50.000 Okay.

01:23:50.000 Good afternoon, guys.

01:23:52.000 All right.

01:23:52.000 Bye.

01:23:53.000 Bye.

01:23:54.000 She seems cool, right?

01:23:55.000 It's funny, you can just tell by like how someone murmurs.

01:24:00.000 I could almost tell by her farts that she's a cool person to hang out with.

01:24:03.000 I didn't hear a fart there, but.

01:24:04.000 I know, but I didn't either.

01:24:06.000 But just like, hey, hey.

01:24:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:08.000 She could just tell.

01:24:09.000 That's just a good person.

01:24:11.000 Like, her kid could get cancer.

01:24:13.000 Her three-year-old could get cancer.

01:24:14.000 God forbid, God forced.

01:24:15.000 And she's just like, God forbid, and let's knock on wood. 1.00

01:24:18.000 Let's add some wood.

01:24:19.000 That's wood.

01:24:21.000 We're knocking on wood.

01:24:23.000 But she could just be like, I'll be there.

01:24:25.000 She's a ride-or-dying nigga. 1.00

01:24:27.000 Yeah, she is.

01:24:29.000 And when she goes to a place where there aren't many ride-or-dye niggas, she goes. 1.00

01:24:33.000 Slap jog faggots around here. 1.00

01:24:38.000 You're on the line, sir.

01:24:41.000 Man, I'm coming.

01:24:43.000 Can I ice that bitch down? 1.00

01:24:45.000 Oh, all right, Gavin Gobralis.

01:24:48.000 What's up, dude?

01:24:49.000 And Ryan Krautsu Rubinera.

01:24:54.000 Can you bring me a beer when you come back there, Rygai? 0.67

01:24:57.000 What's up, dog?

01:25:01.000 Hey, I wanted to bring up the last time I called two weeks ago about the Akron hardcore scene.

01:25:08.000 Akron, Ohio.

01:25:09.000 We have a hardcore scene.

01:25:11.000 Don't you guys have the new bomb Turks? 1.00

01:25:13.000 There were lots of bands.

01:25:14.000 You guys have the New Bomb Turks? 0.99

01:25:17.000 You guys have the New Bomb Turks? 0.99

01:25:19.000 Do you guys have the New Bomb Turks? 1.00

01:25:21.000 Do you guys have the New Bomb Turks? 1.00

01:25:24.000 Do you guys have the New Bomb Turks? 1.00

01:25:27.000 Yeah, I have a time stamp for you on that video.

01:25:31.000 Cleveland Screamin'.

01:25:33.000 So you guys do have the New Bomb Turks. 1.00

01:25:35.000 You have the New Bomb Turks? 1.00

01:25:41.000 I lived with one of the guys who's in that video, and he was a hardcore punk.

01:25:49.000 Okay.

01:25:49.000 Is he in the New Bomb Turks?

01:25:53.000 No.

01:25:54.000 So does your area include the New Bomb Turks? 1.00

01:26:02.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:26:06.000 What?

01:26:07.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

01:26:09.000 What?

01:26:10.000 What?

01:26:11.000 What are you talking about?

01:26:15.000 Yeah, email that in if you'd like us to look at it.

01:26:18.000 I'm pretty sure the hingpong church are from Ohio. 1.00

01:26:20.000 Columbus, Ohio.

01:26:21.000 You're correct, and he's wrong.

01:26:23.000 Okay.

01:26:25.000 But Ohio's a weird place where there's very few bands that are from there.

01:26:29.000 Yes.

01:26:29.000 And my new place to move my family, which is eastern Tennessee and the Carolinas, no baseball teams.

01:26:37.000 None.

01:26:38.000 None, none.

01:26:43.000 Well, good thing we got Justin on the line just in time.

01:26:49.000 Hey, guys.

01:26:50.000 How's it going tonight?

01:26:52.000 Good.

01:26:52.000 I originally wanted to call in and talk about CGI Biden, but I was scrolling through Twitter during your show today, and did you guys happen to see the article from The Root that said, like, the pandemic?

01:27:07.000 Do you really read The Root?

01:27:08.000 Went on to say that whiteness is a public health crisis.

01:27:11.000 It shortens life expectancies.

01:27:14.000 It pollutes the air.

01:27:15.000 It constricts equilibrium.

01:27:18.000 Wait, come on.

01:27:18.000 What's your name?

01:27:19.000 What's your name?

01:27:22.000 Hey, I'm Justin.

01:27:24.000 Justin, you don't really read the root, do you?

01:27:27.000 Like, it's not like when you wake up in the morning, you check Twitter moments, you check emails, you check who texts you, and then you check the route.

01:27:36.000 You don't check the route, do you?

01:27:39.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:27:40.000 I just was scrolling through Twitter while I was on a whole lot.

01:27:43.000 Right, so it's not a thing you check.

01:27:44.000 Sean Davis had posted, like, like, was said, so like, this article is wild.

01:27:49.000 And I was just reading the article.

01:27:51.000 I was like, holy shit.

01:27:53.000 I'm not going to mark the route because it's so fucking retarded and below us. 1.00

01:28:00.000 It's like going to, you know, the special bus and saying, you guys don't know how to walk correctly.

01:28:08.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:28:09.000 That's fair.

01:28:11.000 I got acres of land.

01:28:14.000 I got man.

01:28:17.000 I'm a roving young fellow.

01:28:20.000 Megan's talking about Milo and Thermite Paint.

01:28:25.000 What's up there, Megan?

01:28:28.000 Hi.

01:28:30.000 I just, I was wondering, like, what happened to Milo?

01:28:35.000 Like, I'm pretty sure God isn't going to be upset with him for being who he's supposed to be.

01:28:45.000 Like, I mean, can't just one day say, oh, I'm not gay anymore.

01:28:52.000 Yeah, he's gone off on a tangent.

01:28:54.000 He's real into Catholicism these days.

01:28:56.000 How old are you, may we ask?

01:29:00.000 I am going to be 29 this year.

01:29:03.000 What was your first period like?

01:29:05.000 When did you discover it?

01:29:08.000 Oh, my God.

01:29:10.000 It was horrible.

01:29:12.000 I was 11 years old and I was in the fifth grade.

01:29:16.000 That's young.

01:29:17.000 And I was in class and it went through my pants.

01:29:23.000 What were your pants?

01:29:24.000 Were you wearing white pants?

01:29:27.000 No, I was wearing jeans.

01:29:29.000 It went through your thick fucking blue denim jeans?

01:29:34.000 What kind of flow is that?

01:29:36.000 Thick blue denim jeans.

01:29:39.000 Your fucking giant flow ripped through my whole thing.

01:29:45.000 Your giant flow ripped through your fucking cotton tweed, whatever it is.

01:29:51.000 What's that called?

01:29:52.000 A twill?

01:29:53.000 Denim.

01:29:54.000 It ripped through your denim and laid out a huge red stain on your chair.

01:29:59.000 Don't forget the undies, too. 0.51

01:30:00.000 It has to make it past the undies.

01:30:01.000 That's a lot of filters. 0.78

01:30:03.000 Yep.

01:30:04.000 And did you cry?

01:30:05.000 Were you embarrassed?

01:30:08.000 I was so embarrassed and I didn't know what was going on and I just started crying and my teacher brought me to the nurse's show.

01:30:15.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

01:30:17.000 What year was this?

01:30:21.000 It was 2004 or 2004.

01:30:26.000 We're going through Lexus Nexus here.

01:30:28.000 There's no record of this.

01:30:33.000 No, I just, no, I just remember because it was so horrible.

01:30:38.000 Wow.

01:30:39.000 And what about the next one?

01:30:41.000 Were you prepared?

01:30:41.000 Did you have always with wings?

01:30:46.000 No, like, it kept happening.

01:30:49.000 It was bad.

01:30:50.000 So all of your periods sucked in reverse when you were, whatever.

01:30:56.000 Wait, 11?

01:30:57.000 11 is young.

01:30:58.000 Are you Hispanic?

01:30:59.000 That's very Young, it is a disaster.

01:31:02.000 No, I'm Irish, Scottish, Danish, and Welsh, and German.

01:31:07.000 So, you couldn't be more white. 0.96

01:31:08.000 And why are you exuding babies all over your fucking menstrual pads at such a white age? 1.00

01:31:17.000 I honestly, I've noticed like all the girls in my family were around that age.

01:31:24.000 How old are you now?

01:31:27.000 I just told you, I'm going to be 29.

01:31:30.000 And are you in a relationship?

01:31:34.000 Uh, kinda.

01:31:37.000 It's weird.

01:31:39.000 What do you mean?

01:31:42.000 Like, what's that say?

01:31:44.000 Do I have a boyfriend, but like, he doesn't really talk to me that often?

01:31:50.000 What's his phone number?

01:31:51.000 You don't really hang out that often.

01:31:54.000 What's his phone number?

01:31:58.000 Email it to Ryan.

01:32:01.000 Email him to ryan at censored.tv.

01:32:05.000 And put your hand.

01:32:08.000 You can say his phone number now live on the air, which will probably lead to like, I don't know, 10 calls, not a lot.

01:32:15.000 Or you can email Ryan at censored.tv and he'll tell me who to call.

01:32:21.000 Yes.

01:32:22.000 And I'll confirm that it's you.

01:32:23.000 Sounds like you're too pretty for this guy.

01:32:25.000 You're too fun for this guy.

01:32:27.000 You're great.

01:32:28.000 Are you, you're not super fat, right?

01:32:32.000 He's really pretty, because I only date pretty guys.

01:32:37.000 I'm really shallow.

01:32:39.000 Are you fat?

01:32:42.000 No.

01:32:43.000 In the sense that no.

01:32:45.000 Okay, great.

01:32:46.000 Well, it sounds like you two should just get back to making babies. 0.99

01:32:51.000 I'll eat your ass. 1.00

01:32:52.000 I don't think he wants kids.

01:32:54.000 Well, then, goodbye.

01:32:56.000 Eat your ass.

01:33:00.000 Oh, my God.

01:33:02.000 Did you send Ryan his number?

01:33:05.000 I did, but I feel like I'm going to regret it.

01:33:08.000 No, no, you tell me what to say.

01:33:10.000 I want to say, like, what's your name again?

01:33:15.000 My name's Megan.

01:33:16.000 Megan, what are your last name start with?

01:33:19.000 Like, what's the plan here?

01:33:22.000 Is this just a fuck buddy?

01:33:24.000 What's the deal?

01:33:27.000 I'd rather it not be because I'm like 30 and he's in his 30s, but...

01:33:34.000 Yeah.

01:33:35.000 Fucking it's like farting.

01:33:37.000 Like, we get the idea pretty soon after.

01:33:40.000 And what's his name again?

01:33:42.000 He's like farting.

01:33:43.000 Oh, his name's Kevin.

01:33:47.000 One.

01:33:48.000 Okay.

01:33:48.000 Well, don't say it.

01:33:49.000 Dude, Lu Lou.

01:33:50.000 Right, right.

01:33:50.000 Do, do, do, do.

01:33:53.000 Do, do, do.

01:33:54.000 Do.

01:33:55.000 Oh, wait, I fucked up.

01:33:56.000 Be careful with the tones.

01:33:57.000 People could figure out what it is based on the dialogue.

01:33:59.000 These tones are not real.

01:34:00.000 Okay.

01:34:01.000 It's...

01:34:02.000 And by the way, I'm a terrible singer, so.

01:34:05.000 Okay, what's his name?

01:34:06.000 Kevin?

01:34:07.000 Yeah.

01:34:09.000 Yeah.

01:34:12.000 And you're Megan?

01:34:15.000 Yeah, I don't think he's going to answer.

01:34:17.000 He doesn't answer his phone.

01:34:19.000 We'll see.

01:34:21.000 Homeboy's going to like.

01:34:24.000 Does he know the show?

01:34:27.000 No.

01:34:28.000 He doesn't even know my politics.

01:34:34.000 Well, he's about...

01:34:35.000 I tried up.

01:34:38.000 He's like...

01:34:39.000 I don't know if he's liberal, to be honest.

01:34:41.000 Like, we've been dating for like two years, and I have no idea.

01:34:44.000 He didn't pick up.

01:34:47.000 See, I told you, he won't pick up.

01:34:49.000 He doesn't pick up for anyone.

01:34:51.000 Damn, who is this guy?

01:34:53.000 I kind of find that appealing, though.

01:34:55.000 That's kind of sexy.

01:34:56.000 Whoa.

01:34:57.000 Okay.

01:34:57.000 Got some competition.

01:34:59.000 He's a bad boy.

01:35:01.000 I said, well, he ain't that straight.

01:35:02.000 You may have to.

01:35:04.000 I want to fuck him.

01:35:07.000 He's a jock nerd.

01:35:10.000 What the hell is that?

01:35:11.000 Okay, I'm calling my dad.

01:35:12.000 Thanks for calling.

01:35:15.000 Okay, have a great night.

01:35:21.000 Hello.

01:35:23.000 Hello?

01:35:23.000 Hey, dad.

01:35:26.000 Hey, darling.

01:35:28.000 How are you?

01:35:30.000 Everything is wonderful.

01:35:32.000 You know, oh, I'm just sitting around fucking kicking shit, hanging out.

01:35:38.000 And you know what I'm realizing, by the way?

01:35:43.000 Tell me.

01:35:45.000 You need to stop being jealous of me.

01:35:47.000 You need to be your own person, your own man. 0.92

01:35:51.000 I love Jimmy McInnes.

01:35:52.000 I think he's a great guy.

01:35:54.000 Stop trying to be like Gavin McInnes' dad.

01:35:57.000 You know what I mean?

01:36:01.000 I try, honey.

01:36:02.000 I try, but I can't do it.

01:36:08.000 That breaks my heart.

01:36:11.000 Well, I understand about all I'm gone, all I'm gone to answer for, my whole life is I am Gavin McKinnis' dad.

01:36:28.000 Well, you have to come up with something else.

01:36:30.000 I don't know, get good at bingo or shuffleboard?

01:36:34.000 Like, what do you guys do in these communities, right?

01:36:36.000 These retirement communities?

01:36:43.000 I really don't do a handle alone.

01:36:44.000 I just keep telling people, I am Gavin McKinnis' dad.

01:36:53.000 Yeah, that's not good enough.

01:36:55.000 You know what I'm going to do, by the way, when I get that age?

01:36:58.000 I'm going to get fucking revenge on all these cocksuckers who have fucked me over. 1.00

01:37:01.000 And I'm going to throw large McDonald's cups of diarrhea on their faces as they sunbathe. 1.00

01:37:09.000 Allegedly.

01:37:12.000 Oh, God.

01:37:14.000 Yeah.

01:37:15.000 I have no idea how you're going to get large cups of diarrhea.

01:37:18.000 Oh, I know.

01:37:19.000 I'm going to shit into diarrhea cups.

01:37:23.000 I don't know.

01:37:23.000 I'll eat.

01:37:25.000 You just can't command diarrhea like that.

01:37:29.000 That's a good I can't avoid it.

01:37:32.000 That is I'll admit that is a slight flaw with my business plan here.

01:37:36.000 I have to, I guess, like eat rotten milk.

01:37:39.000 I never thought of that.

01:37:40.000 I just sooned I assumed dent I assumed diarrhea would just be everywhere.

01:37:47.000 Listen, honey, you're talking to an expert on diarrhea.

01:37:53.000 It's one of the few things I know about.

01:37:57.000 Okay.

01:37:58.000 And it's not that easy to come by?

01:38:01.000 Oh, God.

01:38:03.000 With me, it's not a problem.

01:38:09.000 Yeah, I've noticed that the secret to my marriage is, and you told me this at a young age, you said, have separate bathrooms.

01:38:17.000 And I shit in a totally different bathroom than Emily. 0.62

01:38:20.000 And even when I'm in bed, if I have to fart, I put my fingers either side of my anal lips and I open up and I just go and I breathe out the fart.

01:38:32.000 So she's barely ever heard me fart.

01:38:36.000 Oh, God.

01:38:38.000 Do you know that I read somewhere or heard somewhere that on average, people fart 92 times in bed?

01:38:51.000 That's a lot.

01:38:56.000 I think it's embarrassing.

01:39:00.000 You know, I was hanging out with this ex-biker tonight, Dad, and he's in New Rochelle.

01:39:06.000 And they were talking about these enforcers who used to do loan sharking.

01:39:11.000 And they're absolutely sadistic individuals that would beat the shit out of someone's kneecaps.

01:39:16.000 And guess where they all came from?

01:39:20.000 Who do you say, Glasgow?

01:39:22.000 The Goebbels, like within a mile from your house.

01:39:35.000 I couldn't say it's something I'm throwed on.

01:39:38.000 But it made me think it was genetic.

01:39:41.000 I mean, these guys are, I could walk to all of their homes from Shalin's Cross.

01:39:47.000 And I thought, is this a coincidence?

01:39:50.000 Or is it that Goswegians love conflict? 1.00

01:39:54.000 And it's funny because I'm married with Emily.

01:39:56.000 She's a Midwesterner. 1.00

01:39:57.000 And she hates conflict.

01:39:59.000 Like, you could serve her diarrhea at a restaurant, and the waiter would come back and go, how is everything here?

01:40:06.000 What's with the diarrhea?

01:40:07.000 Let's get off the diarrhea.

01:40:09.000 Yeah.

01:40:10.000 Okay, you could serve her a dead fish, and they go, how was that?

01:40:15.000 And Emily, I swear to God, my wife would go, it's fine.

01:40:18.000 Yeah, it's great.

01:40:19.000 It's great.

01:40:21.000 And my problem is, as a Scot, if I went to bed that night, I would be beating myself up going, why didn't you say anything, you fucking pussy? 1.00

01:40:31.000 Like you, if you...

01:40:33.000 I think there's so many people I know that hate confrontation.

01:40:39.000 Canadians in general hate confrontation.

01:40:43.000 You know, I've been in bars, you know, and we've been talking politics or religion, and there's always someone who says, oh, excuse me, we don't like to talk about politics or religion.

01:40:59.000 And I'm thinking, why the fuck do you think I come to this club?

01:41:06.000 That's why I'm here.

01:41:09.000 Yeah, you know, it's they hate the concept of confrontation.

01:41:15.000 Why can't we just all get along together?

01:41:21.000 Well, I've realized with sparring recently at the gym, the secret to surviving it is just to accept that you're going to get clobbered in the fucking head a hundred times.

01:41:31.000 And it makes you, you know, accept the endeavor.

01:41:36.000 And you just go, all right, let's.

01:41:37.000 Well, honey, I'm a little bit worried about you because you've obviously been clobbered seven times.

01:41:45.000 This is making me miss you, Dad.

01:41:47.000 When are you coming up?

01:41:48.000 What are we waiting for?

01:41:51.000 Well, I'm probably going to come up towards the end of April because there's no fucking way I'm going to go through this COVID hotel shit in Canada.

01:42:04.000 So your plan is I drive you to the border and you walk across?

01:42:08.000 No, no.

01:42:09.000 My plan is to fly to New York.

01:42:13.000 Yep.

01:42:14.000 Stay in New York until we're allowed to fly from New York to Canada.

01:42:22.000 Oh, you're changing since we last spoke.

01:42:24.000 I have no idea how long we'll be staying at your place.

01:42:28.000 It could be, I don't know, a year.

01:42:31.000 Oh, for Christ's sakes.

01:42:34.000 That's torture.

01:42:35.000 I know.

01:42:37.000 Betty, I know you'll be happy about that.

01:42:42.000 Oh, my God.

01:42:43.000 I can't imagine it.

01:42:46.000 Okay, so let me try to deal with that now.

01:42:49.000 I'm going to have a shot of whiskey and try to get over it.

01:42:54.000 But yeah, well, maybe you can co-host a show when you're up here.

01:42:59.000 Oh, I'd love to.

01:43:02.000 I'd love to, because, you know, I'm beginning to think I'm actually more popular than you are.

01:43:12.000 You've done such a.

01:43:15.000 That hurt, huh?

01:43:18.000 You hurt you a little bit there.

01:43:20.000 What's the matter?

01:43:21.000 Nothing.

01:43:22.000 You have hurt me today.

01:43:28.000 Seems like that cut a little close.

01:43:30.000 Didn't cut close at all.

01:43:31.000 Oh.

01:43:32.000 All right.

01:43:32.000 At all.

01:43:33.000 Defensive, deflective.

01:43:35.000 Let me make that fucking clear.

01:43:37.000 Now aggression.

01:43:39.000 You poop stories, everybody says.

01:43:46.000 Tap it a morning, T again.

01:43:48.000 Tap it a merning.

01:43:49.000 Tap it a merning, tap it in.

01:44:05.000 Can you hear me?

01:44:11.000 I had a poop story I wanted to share with you that I thought was pretty epic.

01:44:15.000 Okay.

01:44:18.000 I unfortunately gone through rehab and went to this Christian rehab, this like year-long rehab.

01:44:27.000 What was your rehab?

01:44:28.000 Heroin?

01:44:31.000 Huh?

01:44:32.000 No, I'm from Florida, North Florida, St. Augustine, and pills were really big.

01:44:38.000 So synthetic heroin, pretty much.

01:44:40.000 Same thing, yeah.

01:44:41.000 So oxy or whatever?

01:44:42.000 Yeah.

01:44:44.000 What's that?

01:44:45.000 Oxy or methadone, roxacet, opana, hydrocodones, cycodones.

01:44:51.000 That was the same thing then.

01:44:53.000 Now it's all heroin.

01:44:55.000 The state of Florida has constricted that ability to get heroin.

01:44:58.000 So yeah, the short answer is yes.

01:45:00.000 Yeah.

01:45:03.000 But I was at this men's program.

01:45:05.000 There was like 100 guys there on average.

01:45:08.000 And we would get up early and go work at these car lots in Orlando washing cars.

01:45:17.000 And we get up to like 6.30 or so.

01:45:19.000 And we had this big guy.

01:45:20.000 I mean, imagine Mario, but Dominican and inflated. 1.00

01:45:26.000 So, you know, the video game, Mario, fat and inflated.

01:45:33.000 And he was like the first guy on the first time on the job, and I was like the work manager.

01:45:38.000 And we were driving in a van with like 12 people in it, you know, a little passenger van Ford.

01:45:44.000 And he had a coffee in his hand, and we're all talking.

01:45:46.000 It's all men. 1.00

01:45:47.000 It's all dudes.

01:45:49.000 And we're talking, and he goes to sneeze.

01:45:51.000 I mean, we're just leaving.

01:45:52.000 This is another part of the story.

01:45:53.000 We're just leaving the camp.

01:45:54.000 It's just pulling out.

01:45:56.000 And he sneezes.

01:45:58.000 And the way the sneeze shook him, you know, it's almost filled with coffee.

01:46:03.000 And there was like an echo, a faint fluttering in the air after his sneeze.

01:46:11.000 And I just come.

01:46:13.000 I was the only one who really noticed this.

01:46:14.000 I looked at him and I said, you all right?

01:46:15.000 He said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:46:18.000 And it reminded me of your palm guy.

01:46:20.000 He goes, point, point, point.

01:46:23.000 And he shit his pants.

01:46:28.000 Completely crapped his pants.

01:46:31.000 And he didn't say anything.

01:46:34.000 And we're just driving down the road, five or six guys in a 12-passenger van.

01:46:38.000 And he reeks.

01:46:40.000 Like, dude, what are you doing?

01:46:42.000 And, you know, it took a little process of elimination.

01:46:45.000 You know, the windows rolled down.

01:46:47.000 So it was you, no, it was you.

01:46:48.000 Me, I'm like, you guys.

01:46:50.000 I'm like, there's not a fart I wouldn't claim.

01:46:53.000 You know, I will put my mark on it after I fart.

01:46:59.000 And he wouldn't, he was the only one that was like, no, I didn't do it.

01:47:02.000 I didn't do it.

01:47:02.000 It's like, dude, I can smell it, honey.

01:47:04.000 It's you.

01:47:05.000 You sneeze.

01:47:06.000 He wants to pull around and go bad and you can change your pants.

01:47:14.000 It sounds like you went into a black hurt.

01:47:16.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:47:17.000 Eight hours.

01:47:19.000 Sounds like a shitter.

01:47:22.000 Yeah, there's a poop story.

01:47:23.000 It's a poop story.

01:47:24.000 There's a poop story.

01:47:25.000 You know, today at the gym where I was dressed up in Irish things, I have my Irish shirt on.

01:47:30.000 This is green, if you can't see.

01:47:33.000 Liz is super mad at me because YMCA came on when I was in the bathroom and I kept opening the door going, Jet, sorry, Joe.

01:47:43.000 Joe, shut the floor.

01:47:45.000 Now, Liz is a very, like, she literally thinks she's George Washington.

01:47:50.000 I'm not joking.

01:47:51.000 How do you literally?

01:47:52.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

01:47:53.000 She thinks she was reborn.

01:47:55.000 Right.

01:47:56.000 And she's a wonderful person.

01:47:58.000 I love her to death.

01:47:59.000 She's very superstitious, clearly.

01:48:01.000 She's into astrology and shit, and like Jupiter is doing this and doing that. 0.84

01:48:05.000 But she was mad at me for making fun of Joe.

01:48:09.000 And I have to admit, I spearheaded the whole Joe shit in the bathroom on the floor movement.

01:48:16.000 And that's true.

01:48:17.000 I did spearhead that.

01:48:19.000 But here was my thing I said to Liz.

01:48:21.000 I go, Liz, please, when you're busy, like, go take care of them.

01:48:24.000 Serve them their beers.

01:48:25.000 But I want to talk to you.

01:48:26.000 I have a valid concern here.

01:48:29.000 And here's my concern.

01:48:31.000 If Ryan Katsu Rivera or Al, who is next to Ryan, shit his pants and there was shit going down the bottom of his pants and he went and changed his pants, I wouldn't mention it to a soul.

01:48:43.000 It's none of my business.

01:48:45.000 Right?

01:48:46.000 That's someone who fucked up on their own accord.

01:48:49.000 And I've shit my pants every day.

01:48:52.000 Like George Brett, I've probably shit my pants once every two years.

01:48:56.000 I wet the bed, and I'm not proud of this, at least once a year.

01:49:02.000 And it sucks.

01:49:02.000 It's not cool.

01:49:03.000 You've got to lay down towels.

01:49:05.000 It's not cool.

01:49:06.000 So I'm no angel.

01:49:09.000 But when you have shit-encrusted butt flakes and you leave them on the bathroom, the one men's room, the one men's room that's at the duck inn, then I you violated my area.

01:49:28.000 And I was like, Liz, this is now my turf.

01:49:35.000 Am I crazy?

01:49:36.000 No.

01:49:37.000 Like, I swear to God, Ryan, I'm the meanest person.

01:49:40.000 You're handicapped. 1.00

01:49:41.000 You're mentally handicapped. 1.00

01:49:43.000 Your fucking fag zone's disgusting. 1.00

01:49:45.000 Whatever.

01:49:47.000 I shit on you on a constant basis.

01:49:50.000 Not actually.

01:49:51.000 I don't literally shit on you, but I'm constantly criticizing you and telling you you suck and you're a horrible person.

01:49:56.000 Correct.

01:49:56.000 But have you noticed every time I shit on you, it's a changeable thing.

01:50:02.000 Right.

01:50:02.000 You don't condemn me.

01:50:03.000 Yeah, I never go like, your eyebrows are so hairy.

01:50:05.000 I hate your eyebrows.

01:50:07.000 Besides the father thing, which doesn't even bother me, but I can't bring my dad back into my life.

01:50:12.000 I mean, I'm Dennis.

01:50:14.000 I'm Dennis Miller.

01:50:16.000 I'm your dad.

01:50:18.000 Yeah, no, that's true.

01:50:19.000 It's always stuff that I could redeem in the future.

01:50:21.000 Well, my contention is, I don't think it's wrong that we made fun of Joe because he shot all over our men's room and then denied it.

01:50:30.000 Right.

01:50:31.000 Isn't that like a deal breaker?

01:50:33.000 Yeah, and that's a nice way to tell him a deal.

01:50:35.000 Otherwise, like a talk has to happen.

01:50:37.000 Either you sit him down, you say Joe, and you make him feel like.

01:50:40.000 Our men's room.

01:50:40.000 There's two bathrooms: there's a woman's bathroom and the men's bathroom.

01:50:43.000 The men's bathroom is one toilet and one urinal.

01:50:46.000 He covered it in shit.

01:50:48.000 Can't do that.

01:50:49.000 And she's like, no, he didn't remember.

01:50:51.000 I'm like, no, Liz, you don't not remember dropping a fucking toilet paper deuce.

01:50:58.000 A TPD.

01:51:01.000 Anyway, next call.

01:51:04.000 I feel no guilt.

01:51:09.000 Is that Kevin?

01:51:12.000 Who does Paul now?

01:51:14.000 Paul?

01:51:14.000 Paul.

01:51:16.000 Oh, fuck him, Paul.

01:51:18.000 Does the guy get hit by the bus?

01:51:20.000 It sure is.

01:51:24.000 For fuck's sake, Paul.

01:51:26.000 Big Paul.

01:51:28.000 See you, big man.

01:51:30.000 This is Ireland, right?

01:51:31.000 Or is it Scotland?

01:51:32.000 Scotland, I think.

01:51:33.000 For spec's sake, Paul.

01:51:36.000 Here we go.

01:51:39.000 Alan.

01:51:40.000 Alan, that's my uncle.

01:51:43.000 For fuck's sake, Alan!

01:51:50.000 For fuck's sake!

01:51:52.000 Fuck off, Alan.

01:51:53.000 Alan fucking ill.

01:51:55.000 My poor fucking uncle.

01:51:57.000 Fuck off, Alan, is the best part.

01:51:58.000 My uncle, my uncle Alan got allergic to alcohol.

01:52:02.000 His body said, I don't want any more of this in there because it's killing me.

01:52:07.000 So he would take a glass of wine and he would go like this.

01:52:11.000 And he would hold his nose in his mouth.

01:52:13.000 Wow.

01:52:14.000 And push it down.

01:52:15.000 That is fucking killing.

01:52:16.000 Everybody wanted it out.

01:52:19.000 Kind of heroic.

01:52:21.000 He's a great guy, though.

01:52:22.000 We got Jacob.

01:52:25.000 Hey, Shola. 1.00

01:52:28.000 So I'm also calling from North Carolina, and I say Christians right about Asheville. 0.98

01:52:33.000 Anyway, so a while ago back, I saw that video, 10 Things I Hate About the Jews, and my wife found out about it.

01:52:40.000 And I wanted to know, is there anywhere they can find that to let her in on the joke?

01:52:44.000 Yeah, no.

01:52:46.000 That video has been banned because of the title.

01:52:50.000 I guess I shouldn't have made the title so incendiary, but it's absolutely.

01:52:54.000 That's a hilarious video there.

01:52:56.000 I loved it.

01:52:57.000 Yeah, that video said that liberal Jews in Israel should accept that Trump is the most pro-Jew president ever. 0.71

01:53:06.000 It's a very Zionist video, but it's gone forever.

01:53:09.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:53:13.000 Toodaloo.

01:53:15.000 Toodaloo, motherfucker. 1.00

01:53:17.000 This is Ryan from Lake Orion calling Gavin and Ryan.

01:53:24.000 Hey, Gav, I'm the guy from Lake Orion that wanted you to sponsor my softball team.

01:53:30.000 Oh, yeah, I'm into that idea.

01:53:31.000 When's the deadline for that?

01:53:35.000 Well, we start in like mid-April, but like our first game is late April, so I try to get the jerseys and stuff like that by then.

01:53:45.000 And I've got the deadline is the third week, so it's May, the first Thursday of May.

01:53:56.000 All right.

01:53:57.000 I got plenty of time.

01:53:58.000 Can you get us like highlights of how you guys are doing and stuff like that?

01:54:02.000 But I wanted to make them.

01:54:03.000 Well, either like we could, you could send me what type of shit you want, and then I'll get somebody to make them.

01:54:10.000 Or you guys can just send us some censored.tv hoodies or some shit, and I'll take a picture of the softball team and stuff like that.

01:54:17.000 Red.

01:54:19.000 Yeah, but like, do you feel?

01:54:21.000 Also, I wanted to tell you.

01:54:23.000 Also, I wanted to tell you, I grew up doing all that American Legion shit. 0.98

01:54:27.000 I was part of the Sons of American Legion my whole life, dude.

01:54:31.000 That place is a blast.

01:54:33.000 Drink a couple beers and bullshit with some old war vets and shit. 1.00

01:54:38.000 That's badass, man.

01:54:40.000 But do you take any footage of your games or highlights?

01:54:44.000 Yeah, well, you went on the...

01:54:46.000 We have a whole group on Facebook and shit, but the league's been around for 60 years.

01:54:51.000 My dad played in it for 23 years.

01:54:54.000 My uncle played in it for 10.

01:54:56.000 I've played in it for this, my 19th year in the league.

01:54:59.000 It's a blast because it's the only time you get to see some real male masculinity in fucking Michigan anymore with fucking Hitler running our state. 0.75

01:55:09.000 That's pretty rad.

01:55:10.000 You ever shit yourself while playing baseball?

01:55:14.000 God, no, but we get pretty drunk and high in the fucking parking lot.

01:55:17.000 Well, that's pretty good.

01:55:18.000 No shitting yourself.

01:55:20.000 All right.

01:55:21.000 You keep it shit for yourself.

01:55:22.000 Oh, also, dude, you murdered that fucking guy that wrote the article about you.

01:55:28.000 Who?

01:55:29.000 Oh, this is Ryan.

01:55:32.000 Earlier tonight, earlier tonight, you kicked his ass on that freaking? 0.87

01:55:39.000 You kicked Alan Forer.

01:55:42.000 Oh, you thought that was a good serve?

01:55:44.000 Oh, I listened to that.

01:55:46.000 You kicked his ass, dude.

01:55:47.000 That was fucking beautiful.

01:55:48.000 What a faggot. 1.00

01:55:51.000 Yeah, no shit.

01:55:52.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:55:53.000 Yeah, I mean, what do you want me to do?

01:55:54.000 You want me to send you guys some info?

01:55:56.000 Fuck off.

01:55:57.000 What are you thinking?

01:55:59.000 You call us.

01:56:00.000 We'll talk to you.

01:56:01.000 We'll talk.

01:56:03.000 He's going to be confused.

01:56:04.000 You'll be like, what the fuck are you doing for some glass, tempered glass in my upstairs fireplace?

01:56:14.000 Did you measure for any care?

01:56:19.000 Did they know that?

01:56:20.000 No.

01:56:21.000 Like an 8 and a 16th.

01:56:25.000 Yeah, that's a small amount.

01:56:27.000 You really got to...

01:56:28.000 I find the only way to do it is to take the measuring tape with a black marker and then see what you're looking for, then mark that.

01:56:38.000 And that's one job.

01:56:40.000 And then go back to your desk and be like, that's 8 and 1, 1 16th, 2, 1, 16, 3.

01:56:48.000 It's 8 and 3 1 16ths.

01:56:52.000 That sounds like it sucks.

01:56:54.000 I don't want to do that shit.

01:56:55.000 That's stupid.

01:56:57.000 That's for smart niggas. 1.00

01:56:59.000 Yo, Tony's on the line.

01:57:01.000 Who's Tony?

01:57:02.000 Hey, Tony.

01:57:04.000 Hey, guys.

01:57:05.000 Hey, guys.

01:57:08.000 Can you hear me?

01:57:09.000 Yeah.

01:57:10.000 Hello.

01:57:11.000 Yes, sir.

01:57:12.000 Hello.

01:57:13.000 Getting mad.

01:57:14.000 All right.

01:57:16.000 Hey, guys.

01:57:16.000 So I'm going to Vegas tomorrow, and then I was wondering if Gavin can call which upset is going to hit tomorrow.

01:57:26.000 I'm going to throw a couple names out, and Gavin's got to pick, you know, what he thinks.

01:57:33.000 So I'm going to...

01:57:34.000 I feel like my friend is constantly scratching the back of his neck.

01:57:37.000 Are you that guy?

01:57:40.000 I'm going Winthrop, Liberty, Georgia Tech, Colgate.

01:57:46.000 Who wins the upset tomorrow?

01:57:48.000 Clearly, Georgia Tech, my friend.

01:57:51.000 Sink all of your money into Georgia Tech.

01:57:56.000 When I say all your money, I mean 10 grand.

01:57:58.000 The best spread.

01:58:00.000 That's the best spread for the better.

01:58:02.000 So you actually, we're the handicapper tonight, buddy.

01:58:05.000 10 grand, man.

01:58:07.000 10 grand.

01:58:08.000 And tell your dad not to run over your head.

01:58:13.000 Is that with the points or straight up?

01:58:16.000 That's straight up.

01:58:18.000 But my tip with your dad is to just sort of stare in the driveway when your head's on the ground.

01:58:28.000 That sounds awesome, man.

01:58:30.000 And I'm just so happy that you decided to go sober tonight on St. Patty's Day.

01:58:38.000 He's been as sober as a church house mouse.

01:58:44.000 So it's just...

01:58:45.000 Well, it's St. Patty's Day.

01:58:46.000 I think it's okay to be drunk on St. Patty's Day.

01:58:51.000 Actually, this is the night.

01:58:52.000 This is the night you get to do it, buddy.

01:58:54.000 So you are Scotch-Irish.

01:58:57.000 All the other nights were practicing.

01:58:58.000 Tomorrow, I'll be sober as a judge.

01:59:00.000 That's pretty much it.

01:59:00.000 I'm going to Vegas.

01:59:02.000 And so I'm going in the morning.

01:59:05.000 Needed the Georgia Tech bet, and so I'm going all in on Georgia Tech.

01:59:10.000 All right, go on, Georgia Tech, 10 grand, I said.

01:59:14.000 I'm going to do that, dude.

01:59:16.000 I'm going to show you.

01:59:16.000 Can I say something?

01:59:18.000 Total stranger.

01:59:20.000 Can you please include $300 from me in the $10,000?

01:59:27.000 Dude, I was going to give you like 20% minimum.

01:59:30.000 I mean, that's...

01:59:31.000 Okay, I'll also take the hit.

01:59:33.000 I'll take the hit if I lose.

01:59:36.000 A funny story.

01:59:37.000 My buddy hired this Italian mafia guy to counsel him on sports bets.

01:59:44.000 And the guy started being so belligerent with his threats because my friend, he was like, all right, bet $100 on the Patriots or $1,000.

01:59:53.000 And then the next week you bet your winnings on the Seahawks.

01:59:58.000 And he was supposed to pay a percentage of that to the bookie.

02:00:05.000 And my friend, after losing with this bookie, the bookie's like, I'm so sorry.

02:00:09.000 I gave you bad advice.

02:00:10.000 Next game, go triple here, triple here. 1.00

02:00:14.000 And so long story short, my buddy's like, sure, I'll do that.

02:00:17.000 And so the guy's like, and he won.

02:00:18.000 Like, he called like three or four games in a row, the bookie did.

02:00:22.000 And he's like, all right, you owe me like five grand for all the games that I gave you winnings.

02:00:28.000 And he's like, dude, I didn't bet those games.

02:00:30.000 And he's like, you owe me the five grand anyways.

02:00:33.000 I had to call the San Diego police on this bookie.

02:00:36.000 This guy was an employee of mine.

02:00:39.000 And the police called this bookie and said, stop threatening people.

02:00:44.000 So anyways, side note.

02:00:47.000 Thanks for calling, sir.

02:00:49.000 Bye.

02:00:50.000 Love you.

02:00:52.000 I know who that is.

02:00:54.000 Is he a subscriber or somebody that just gets the number from?

02:00:58.000 No, I don't know.

02:00:59.000 That's Tony.

02:01:01.000 He has the best story out of any story I've ever heard where a bunch of black dudes stormed his house. 1.00

02:01:09.000 Oh, I know, I know, I know.

02:01:11.000 Because his brother was dealing weed.

02:01:14.000 Are we allowed to...

02:01:15.000 Yeah, we can tell the story.

02:01:16.000 I don't care.

02:01:18.000 And they broke into his place because they knew they had like 300 grand in the house.

02:01:22.000 And the guy you just heard talk had a gun pointed to his head by these black drug dealers. 0.98

02:01:29.000 I think they're called youths now.

02:01:33.000 And he came out with the best line ever.

02:01:36.000 He goes, I was at church this weekend with my grandmother.

02:01:45.000 And that hits home to the African-American community.

02:01:48.000 Don't say like, I was hanging out with my dad all day.

02:01:51.000 That's not going to work.

02:01:52.000 What the fuck is that?

02:01:53.000 What the fuck's a dad, motherfucker?

02:01:57.000 You're dead.

02:01:58.000 Oh, what?

02:01:59.000 I hate dads.

02:02:01.000 So it worked.

02:02:04.000 And then he had a second chance where he's in the living room, like, thrown on the floor, and he sees the door outside, and he knows the deadbolt.

02:02:14.000 And he knows how long it takes to go ka-chunk. 1.00

02:02:17.000 And he works out, like, running to the deadbolt, turning ka-chunk, is four seconds. 0.96

02:02:23.000 So he keeps waiting for four-second windows where they're like, is that like a booger or a...

02:02:30.000 Boom! 0.99

02:02:32.000 And he took advantage of one of them, and he ran.

02:02:35.000 Do you think they know where you ran because of the shit trail that you leave behind you?

02:02:40.000 Like, when I heard that story, I pictured I was actually doing those things, and that didn't feel very comfortable to run towards a thing, knowing I didn't.

02:02:46.000 Well, this guy is a hero, Ryan, who absolved himself from murder.

02:02:53.000 He has superseded death.

02:02:55.000 And you want to make it a poopy thing?

02:02:58.000 Feel my grandmaman gave me that chain.

02:03:01.000 That's disappointing.

02:03:03.000 All right, let's do one more call.

02:03:06.000 What?

02:03:07.000 Now you're pooping?

02:03:08.000 I don't know what you're doing.

02:03:09.000 I hate the word pooping.

02:03:11.000 Like, fucking...

02:03:12.000 Howard Certain talks about duty all the time.

02:03:15.000 If there's a big duty there, Robin.

02:03:16.000 It makes me fucking mad.

02:03:18.000 What do you find when you're taking a duty?

02:03:21.000 Katie is talking about her period.

02:03:27.000 Katie, are you here talking about your period or not?

02:03:35.000 Hello?

02:03:38.000 You're on the damn phone, dude.

02:03:40.000 Made your period?

02:03:40.000 Where'd it go?

02:03:41.000 All over your legs? 0.89

02:03:42.000 Would you go in your ears?

02:03:43.000 You can't hear us?

02:03:45.000 Period, girl? 0.95

02:03:49.000 Hello?

02:03:50.000 Hello?

02:03:51.000 Hello?

02:03:52.000 Hey, dude, you're here talking about your permutation.

02:03:55.000 Hey, I am.

02:03:56.000 Can you mute the show?

02:03:57.000 Just listen to us.

02:03:58.000 Don't listen to the show.

02:03:58.000 It's 45 seconds behind.

02:04:00.000 I hate the show.

02:04:01.000 Listen to us now.

02:04:02.000 Yeah.

02:04:03.000 Back then sucked.

02:04:05.000 Okay, good.

02:04:06.000 Sorry, but my first period.

02:04:08.000 So when I got my first period, I was in, I think, eighth grade, and my mom slapped me in the face.

02:04:14.000 This call was about my first time.

02:04:15.000 Wait, stop, stop, stop.

02:04:17.000 You're going way too fast.

02:04:18.000 You can't blow past it.

02:04:19.000 So you're eighth grade.

02:04:21.000 So you're like, what, 14?

02:04:24.000 No, I was actually like 12 because I'm very young for my grades.

02:04:28.000 Okay, so where did it go?

02:04:30.000 What were your pants?

02:04:31.000 Did you have pants?

02:04:34.000 I was at home.

02:04:35.000 I was luckily enough at home.

02:04:37.000 And I went to the bathroom and there was blood in the toilet.

02:04:41.000 And I'm like, mom, what the fuck?

02:04:44.000 And she came in and she smiled and then she smacked me across the face. 1.00

02:04:48.000 I guess it's a Jewish tradition that they do.

02:04:52.000 And that was it.

02:04:55.000 That's great.

02:04:57.000 And she gave me a pad, which I don't, it's like a diaper.

02:05:03.000 And so you're just basically sitting on a bloody diaper if you just wear a pad.

02:05:07.000 So you have to use a tampon or else it's just disgusting.

02:05:14.000 So the second period I got, I was up north with my best friend and her family, and I didn't tampon, but I was bleeding like all of the blood in my body was coming out.

02:05:27.000 And my friend's older sister was trying to explain to me how to put a tampon in. 1.00

02:05:32.000 And I was in the shower, in the bathroom, because there was a curtain, and she's explaining it to me.

02:05:38.000 And I'm like, okay, I think I got it.

02:05:40.000 I think I got it.

02:05:41.000 So we all went out to dinner at a tiny restaurant.

02:05:44.000 And I'm like, okay, something doesn't feel right.

02:05:47.000 And we get back.

02:05:47.000 And I'm trying to take it out and I can't get it out.

02:05:50.000 It's like stuck because the cardboard applicator is inside of me because I didn't know how to, I didn't take it out.

02:05:58.000 You didn't know how to get the tampon out of your vagina? 1.00

02:06:01.000 No, it was the first time I ever used a tampon.

02:06:04.000 So I put it in.

02:06:06.000 I didn't know how to get it out, but obviously I didn't put it in correctly because I left the cardboard applicator in.

02:06:13.000 You're from Buffalo, New York, or North Dakota, or Wisconsin.

02:06:18.000 What?

02:06:19.000 Where are you from?

02:06:20.000 Ryan's talking about your accent.

02:06:21.000 I'm from Michigan.

02:06:22.000 I'm from Michigan.

02:06:24.000 I guess that sounds like that, too.

02:06:26.000 So how are you with your period now?

02:06:27.000 Are you guys friends?

02:06:30.000 Oh, no.

02:06:32.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:33.000 Yeah, I never used cardboard applicators anymore, but yeah, no, I'm good.

02:06:37.000 Yeah.

02:06:37.000 You finally figured it out?

02:06:39.000 It was traumatizing.

02:06:40.000 It was traumatizing.

02:06:42.000 Have you ever had a kid?

02:06:45.000 I had one child.

02:06:47.000 Yes, he's going to be 21 in June.

02:06:49.000 How old are you?

02:06:52.000 I am 39.

02:06:55.000 Why no other kids?

02:07:04.000 What?

02:07:04.000 You know, you really put me on the spot.

02:07:06.000 And that's another issue I have with you, you and giving people a hard time about kids.

02:07:11.000 Because I just want to, real quick, some people can't have kids.

02:07:18.000 And you have so much emphasis on having kids.

02:07:23.000 You had a kid.

02:07:23.000 Yeah, I had a kid 20 years ago.

02:07:26.000 So why not have more kids?

02:07:28.000 But people that can't have kids, like, it's not their choice to not have, like, they can't.

02:07:34.000 They physically can't.

02:07:35.000 Oh, they're like not able to.

02:07:36.000 I know, but you had a kid.

02:07:38.000 We're not talking about those kids.

02:07:39.000 We're talking about you.

02:07:40.000 You had a kid.

02:07:41.000 What happened to your other kids?

02:07:44.000 Did you get divorced?

02:07:45.000 I only have one.

02:07:46.000 He's upstairs right now.

02:07:48.000 Did you get divorced with that guy?

02:07:49.000 It's dad?

02:07:51.000 We were never married.

02:07:53.000 I was a senior in high school when I got pregnant, and we never got married.

02:07:57.000 And he's in his life 100%.

02:07:59.000 And my husband is 100% in his life.

02:08:03.000 So it's a very good situation.

02:08:05.000 It's not a bad situation at all.

02:08:07.000 Who's the boy's dad?

02:08:08.000 Is the boy's dad the new husband or the biological husband?

02:08:15.000 Well, the biological father is his father.

02:08:18.000 And my new husband, we've been together for like 12 years.

02:08:24.000 Okay.

02:08:25.000 So who does the young, who does your boy think of as a father?

02:08:32.000 My current, but not because his dad's not a bad person or anything.

02:08:39.000 He's just flaky.

02:08:40.000 But he's always been in his life.

02:08:44.000 Hey.

02:08:44.000 100% of the time.

02:08:46.000 But my current boyfriend is engaged.

02:08:56.000 I refuse to say fiancé.

02:08:57.000 I'm sorry.

02:08:58.000 So I try to say that.

02:08:59.000 How long have you been with your current boyfriend?

02:09:03.000 Fiancé.

02:09:03.000 Well, how long have you been with your current boyfriend?

02:09:08.000 Like 12 years.

02:09:09.000 12 years.

02:09:10.000 And how old's your youngest boy?

02:09:11.000 Yeah.

02:09:12.000 21.

02:09:14.000 I only have one, and he's 20.

02:09:16.000 So that's 8 to 21.

02:09:19.000 That's an adult life.

02:09:22.000 So it sounds like the boyfriend is the dad.

02:09:25.000 Yeah.

02:09:29.000 I'm sorry?

02:09:30.000 It sounds like the boyfriend is the dad.

02:09:32.000 I mean, 8 to 21.

02:09:36.000 He has been.

02:09:37.000 He has been before.

02:09:38.000 I mean, before we were even together, my son went behind my back when he was like, I don't know, like 10 or 12 years old.

02:09:46.000 He would call my current boyfriend or fiancé, whatever you want to call him, and like ask him to hang out.

02:09:53.000 We were just friends at the time.

02:09:55.000 So my son would go behind my back and call him because he wanted to hang out with him because he was his best friend.

02:10:01.000 But when puberty happened, then they became like mortal enemies.

02:10:05.000 And now it's just a nightmare.

02:10:10.000 But he's still like...

02:10:12.000 He's still basically raised him.

02:10:16.000 it's not a bad situation, I promise.

02:10:18.000 Like it's a very, very good, positive situation.

02:10:21.000 His father's in his life, and so when you had your first, when you when you first started menstruating, you had to throw away those pants or were the pants still fouchable?

02:10:33.000 I'm pretty sure I threw away the pants, but I can go look around in my closet and see if I save a lot of stuff, so I'm sorry?

02:10:43.000 Where do you live?

02:10:46.000 Novi, Michigan.

02:10:49.000 Where's that?

02:10:50.000 Is that near like Minnesota?

02:10:53.000 It's southeast Detroit.

02:10:58.000 It's right by Detroit.

02:10:59.000 You're in the wrong fucking city.

02:11:00.000 You fucking.

02:11:01.000 So it's in a shithole.

02:11:04.000 It's in a fucking shithole.

02:11:05.000 Don't say that.

02:11:06.000 I love that.

02:11:08.000 I love how patriotic Americans are.

02:11:10.000 Like, they could be in the worst part of Earth.

02:11:13.000 And they just go, fuck you.

02:11:15.000 I love it here.

02:11:16.000 Yeah.

02:11:17.000 It's not the worst part of Earth, though.

02:11:19.000 It's not at all.

02:11:20.000 I'm sure it's not.

02:11:21.000 I'm sure it's not.

02:11:22.000 I'm sure it's not.

02:11:23.000 Anyway, thanks for calling and I like you more than a friend.

02:11:28.000 I love you.

02:11:28.000 Thank you so much.

02:11:31.000 He loves you.

02:11:35.000 Lucas, you're on the line.

02:11:44.000 Oh, sorry, I can hear you over Roadhouse Blues playing.

02:11:46.000 My bad.

02:11:47.000 Oh, that's what that was.

02:11:48.000 Le Per de G. What's up, man?

02:11:50.000 What's up, dude?

02:11:53.000 Well, I just wanted to, first of all, just thank you for your service.

02:11:57.000 You really don't get as much appreciation as you should.

02:12:01.000 I tip my red beret to you as a paratrooper for being a war movie veteran.

02:12:07.000 So you're an actual war vet?

02:12:08.000 That's not the worst thing you do.

02:12:11.000 Huh?

02:12:11.000 You're an actual war vet?

02:12:15.000 I wouldn't say a vet.

02:12:16.000 I mean, it's my first year in the service.

02:12:18.000 Thank you for your actual service.

02:12:20.000 So you've only been doing one year.

02:12:25.000 Yeah, well, I kind of just signed up like not too long ago.

02:12:29.000 So you're the last year.

02:12:30.000 You're the part in Full Metal Jacket.

02:12:32.000 As someone has done zero years, but.

02:12:34.000 You're in the private pile area of the Full Metal Jacket film tour.

02:12:40.000 Nice.

02:12:41.000 But yeah, thank you for that.

02:12:43.000 And by the way, you do not get as much credit as you should.

02:12:47.000 I mean, you deserve so much appreciation for not that, but for raising a daughter in 2021.

02:12:57.000 I mean, holy shit, dude, I've been through airborne school.

02:13:00.000 I've been through air assault school, sniper, like I've been through a lot of shit, but nothing scares me more than raising a fucking daughter in modern day, man.

02:13:09.000 How do you do it?

02:13:11.000 Well, I'm obviously very wary of you even mentioning her name or her existence.

02:13:18.000 I'm very protective of her.

02:13:20.000 She's 14.

02:13:22.000 If you were to say a detail that was remotely disturbing, I would jump into the microphone and strangle you.

02:13:32.000 But yeah, it's pretty tricky with daughters. 0.88

02:13:37.000 You know, Jared Taylor is a racial realist.

02:13:40.000 He's basically the David Duke of America.

02:13:43.000 He's one of the most controversial figures on earth.

02:13:45.000 And I'm a good friend of his.

02:13:47.000 And I said to him, I go, I'm known as almost as horrible as you.

02:13:51.000 What's it like?

02:13:53.000 And he said, what I do with my daughter is I just pay a lot of attention to her and I make it clear to her that I love her.

02:14:02.000 So when everyone shits on her father and says he's evil, she knows that's the guy who, you know, worships the ground I walk on.

02:14:12.000 So I make it very clear with my daughter that I like, I want to kiss your pencil.

02:14:19.000 I love your fucking door.

02:14:21.000 I love your contact lenses.

02:14:23.000 Like you're my cherished angel.

02:14:27.000 And so when she hears bullshit about you, she takes it with a grain of salt, especially when I'm an interesting guy in the sense that when we go out in public, I do a lot of selfies with fans.

02:14:40.000 So my daughter sees me going, hey, yeah, yeah.

02:14:43.000 And then she sees assholes throwing like shit at us.

02:14:47.000 So I'm not, you know, an exclusively bad guy.

02:14:52.000 I'm a good guy, too.

02:14:53.000 But I would say to other people who are controversial, it's not a big deal.

02:14:59.000 All you have to do is just funnel mountains of attention to your children and tell them you love them.

02:15:07.000 And then they inevitably hear negative things about you and go, well, that's the guy that like fucked me, fucking hugged me all night when I had a high fever.

02:15:17.000 So I don't give a shit what you think.

02:15:20.000 That's the way to do it.

02:15:21.000 I was going to say more of like the TikTok, like social media, like all this peer pressure and all that shit, like more of that aspect.

02:15:28.000 I mean, that must be health, you know?

02:15:30.000 Like growing up in this fucking like Instagram and all that, that kind of stuff where girls are constantly like comparing themselves to other. 1.00

02:15:36.000 I can't name, it can't even count on like all the fingers in the world how many girls that I know who have, you know, oh, I have body dysmorphia. 1.00

02:15:44.000 I have this.

02:15:44.000 I'm not skinny enough.

02:15:45.000 And they go, you know, they go on, they have depression and they cut their, and it's just terrible, you know?

02:15:52.000 I just couldn't do it.

02:15:53.000 Man, I just had to have five daughters. 0.98

02:15:55.000 That second topic is how your daughters feel, you know, FOMO, fear of missing out.

02:16:02.000 And the answer to that is sort of the same.

02:16:04.000 You just got to keep loving them a lot.

02:16:06.000 Anyway, that last question was super boring.

02:16:11.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 18, 2021

GOML LIVE #90 - ST PATRICK'S DAY 2021

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript