Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 24, 2019


S02E103 - KTB


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 2 minutes

Words per minute

153.54633

Word count

9,612

Sentence count

1,036

Harmful content

Misogyny

82

sentences flagged

Hate speech

65

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

It's Christmas Eve Eve, and the boys are here to bring you some of their favorite Christmas songs to play for your family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This episode features Christmas music from the 80s, 90s, 00s, and 00s.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:22.000 It was the night before years of north motherfucking projects that I had nothing but silence.
00:00:31.000 Yo, what's up?
00:00:33.000 That was Cold World by Gizza, an inspector deck.
00:00:38.000 Two of my brothers from New York, Staten Island, Chaolin. 0.93
00:00:44.000 Yo, what's Staten Island?
00:00:47.000 What's the black experience like in Staten Island?
00:00:52.000 Ferries.
00:00:52.000 Riding boats.
00:01:04.000 Again, that is coming up on Christmas Day.
00:01:07.000 We will be debuting all our favorite Christmas songs, which we'd love you to get involved in and play for your family.
00:01:15.000 That is one of the few rap ones.
00:01:17.000 There's not a lot of rap Christmas songs.
00:01:20.000 There's Run DMC Hollis Queens.
00:01:22.000 There's an Inspected Deck.
00:01:24.000 Have I got more here?
00:01:25.000 It's not a very rappy holiday.
00:01:27.000 It's more like hum, hum.
00:01:31.000 The only rapping you're doing is your presents.
00:01:35.000 What else is there?
00:01:37.000 I got any more rap?
00:01:38.000 Stevie Wonder's not rap.
00:01:40.000 No.
00:01:42.000 Christmas rap song.
00:01:43.000 Christmas rap.
00:01:47.000 I feel like Will Smith has like two songs that are.
00:01:52.000 These are all good songs, though.
00:01:54.000 What about KT Turnstall?
00:01:55.000 *Music*
00:02:03.000 That was KT Turnstall doing that hit.
00:02:06.000 I thought that was Jombi from Pee Wee's Playoff.
00:02:10.000 Jombi says, Meka Lekahai Mekahai Niho.
00:02:13.000 The popular Bing Crosby Christmas song says joy to the world or something in Hawaiian, which is pronounced Mele Kalekimaka.
00:02:23.000 Okay?
00:02:24.000 Yes.
00:02:25.000 Katie Turnstall's effing hot. 1.00
00:02:27.000 Let me see.
00:02:28.000 Let me see.
00:02:30.000 Katie Turnstall. 0.55
00:02:31.000 Look her up.
00:02:32.000 She likes horses.
00:02:33.000 She likes whores. 1.00
00:02:35.000 And cherry trees.
00:02:37.000 That's my type.
00:02:38.000 With the big red horse and the cherry tree.
00:02:41.000 Dictionary deaf.
00:02:42.000 That's my type.
00:02:43.000 What's up, my type?
00:02:46.000 All right, she looked kind of old in that one.
00:02:48.000 My type.
00:02:49.000 Hi.
00:02:50.000 Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
00:02:51.000 I think her next album is called Gavin McInnis's Type.
00:02:54.000 Uh-oh, she's getting older.
00:02:56.000 Yeah, that happens.
00:02:58.000 Do you know who looks exactly like her?
00:03:00.000 Who's one of the hottest women in the world? 1.00
00:03:02.000 What the hell's her name?
00:03:04.000 KT.
00:03:07.000 She's a Vice. 1.00
00:03:08.000 She worked at Vice after I left.
00:03:11.000 She's like a music show host. 1.00
00:03:15.000 She looks exactly like that.
00:03:17.000 Dang, man.
00:03:18.000 What the hell's her name, man?
00:03:20.000 That's going to bug me all show.
00:03:22.000 Anyway, play a little bit of that.
00:03:24.000 KT Trunstell.
00:03:26.000 Melly, M-E-L-E, and then Kali Kimaka.
00:03:30.000 Okay.
00:03:31.000 Kali Kimaka.
00:03:33.000 I'm going to go through a bunch of old letters this show, but I just wanted to catch up on that.
00:03:33.000 Melly Kimaka.
00:03:38.000 Is it a video of her being pretty?
00:03:40.000 No, fortunately not.
00:04:04.000 Maybe jump ahead a little bit there.
00:04:16.000 Nice.
00:04:18.000 Have you ever spent Christmas in like a hot place where the where it wasn't like winter weather?
00:04:27.000 I feel like that would stink.
00:04:28.000 That's the island greeting that they send to you From the land we're apart Does Christmas feel less special in Canada when it's like snowy a lot of the times?
00:04:38.000 No, because snow is kind of like a little seasonal bonus.
00:04:43.000 But if it's always that season, then it feels like less special, I guess.
00:04:47.000 No.
00:04:48.000 In fact, there's more buildup.
00:04:49.000 In New York, it often doesn't snow at all at Christmas.
00:04:53.000 That's no fun.
00:04:54.000 But upstate New York, it does, which is pretty sick.
00:04:57.000 Oh, God, that's going to bug me out, that chick's name. 1.00
00:05:01.000 I want to say Kimbra Perkins, Katie something.
00:05:05.000 She's a brunette. 1.00
00:05:08.000 She used to work at street carnage. 1.00
00:05:10.000 My sight.
00:05:13.000 She had an abusive father.
00:05:15.000 She's half Asian, but doesn't look it. 0.99
00:05:18.000 Fuck.
00:05:24.000 Alright, let's not waste everyone's time.
00:05:26.000 UK.
00:05:28.000 Music.
00:05:29.000 German.
00:05:32.000 She's like dating guys in bands.
00:05:38.000 Shit balls. 0.96
00:05:40.000 Alright, it'll come to me later.
00:05:42.000 Kimber Perkins?
00:05:47.000 Pinky Carnage. 0.98
00:05:53.000 That is a bummer, huh?
00:05:54.000 What is?
00:05:55.000 We can't discover this person.
00:05:58.000 You know what else is a real bummer?
00:06:00.000 The heat of these sweaters.
00:06:02.000 I'm dying over here.
00:06:04.000 It's a little hot.
00:06:05.000 Little bit hot.
00:06:06.000 Alright, let's do what.
00:06:06.000 Little bit hot.
00:06:07.000 That's not her, right?
00:06:08.000 No, that's just a Oh, is there a contributors, though?
00:06:16.000 I probably took her down. 1.00
00:06:20.000 Uh, about Bennett.
00:06:25.000 God, KT Bennett, Kim Taylor Bennett.
00:06:27.000 Nice.
00:06:29.000 This one might be a 10, boys.
00:06:32.000 Look her up in Google Image.
00:06:34.000 Imaging Google.
00:06:36.000 Looking.
00:06:38.000 I mean, what a effing smoke show.
00:06:42.000 Is that a Hawaiian? 0.68
00:06:45.000 No, she does have a Hawaiian vibe, and she's British, and she's funny and charming and a good dresser. 1.00
00:06:52.000 Uh-oh.
00:06:53.000 I just realized when I last corresponded with her, it would have been like 2009.
00:06:58.000 That was 10 years ago.
00:07:00.000 She met Nelly.
00:07:02.000 Let's look her up.
00:07:04.000 Look at that picture of her on her belly on the bed with Chuck Taylor's on. 1.00
00:07:07.000 Can you see that one?
00:07:13.000 How can you have a different Google image than me?
00:07:15.000 Well, I'm using Brave.
00:07:17.000 I'm using Brave too.
00:07:19.000 What the f ⁇ ?
00:07:20.000 I only use Brave.
00:07:21.000 Kim Taylor Bennett?
00:07:22.000 Yep.
00:07:23.000 Huh.
00:07:24.000 Should be one of the first ones that pops up.
00:07:25.000 Anyway, let's do video of her. 0.98
00:07:28.000 Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:07:29.000 Yeah, that one.
00:07:30.000 Wife alert! 0.99
00:07:33.000 You know what happened?
00:07:34.000 You date the girl on the top.
00:07:35.000 No, go back.
00:07:37.000 You'd date the girl on the top and you'd be like, I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
00:07:40.000 Holy shit, I found the one.
00:07:41.000 And then she goes, oh, you got to meet my friend Kim.
00:07:43.000 She's going to be over on Thursday.
00:07:44.000 And then Kim shows up and you go, oh, I have to kill myself now.
00:07:51.000 I could look at that picture for hours.
00:07:51.000 Go back.
00:07:53.000 Ladies, you don't need stilettos. 1.00
00:07:55.000 Like a skirt and a denim shirt with white chucks.
00:07:59.000 You could wear that to the Academy Awards.
00:08:00.000 You could wear that to our wedding.
00:08:02.000 But anyway, so you go, all right, well, she's probably vapid and she says like way too much and she doesn't know anything and she uses a word like atrocious to try to sound smarter than she is. 1.00
00:08:14.000 So she's not that great, Gavin.
00:08:16.000 Oh, really?
00:08:17.000 Let's look at Kim Taylor Bennett on the inside. 1.00
00:08:20.000 And I'm not speaking gynecologically.
00:08:23.000 So look up Kim Taylor Bennett and then hit videos. 1.00
00:08:26.000 Maybe she's Kate.
00:08:27.000 Is she KT Bennett?
00:08:31.000 That would make more sense.
00:08:32.000 No, she's not.
00:08:34.000 She's Kim Taylor Bennett. 0.73
00:08:39.000 So I am here outside Earl's Court.
00:08:41.000 Within is a hive of activity.
00:08:44.000 Yes, that's a few hours before the Brits begins, and there's artists sound checking, people having their hair and makeup done.
00:08:50.000 I've spied Lady Gaga.
00:08:51.000 You've got to put it in quotes or you get Kim Kardashian and all kinds of other crap.
00:08:55.000 Okay.
00:09:03.000 Baby metal? 0.85
00:09:04.000 What the hell's going on here?
00:09:06.000 Oh, that sucks.
00:09:07.000 It sucks when someone has the same name and they take over the thing.
00:09:11.000 We apologize for the mess.
00:09:13.000 Don't adjust your sets.
00:09:14.000 Musicology's owner, sewage.
00:09:17.000 And you know, when you're this hot, you kind of avoid being HD cameras.
00:09:23.000 Oh, there we go.
00:09:24.000 Everything.
00:09:29.000 Okay, this is actually compared music that rips off other music.
00:09:34.000 And by the by, happy day!
00:09:37.000 Yep, it's 2010.
00:09:39.000 Welcome to the future.
00:09:40.000 Breaking the technological agenda.
00:09:40.000 2020.
00:09:42.000 This was 10 years ago.
00:09:44.000 You know what I bet happened?
00:09:45.000 Genius level 2010.
00:09:46.000 I bet she got married. 1.00
00:09:47.000 By the way, stop this.
00:09:48.000 This is not funny at all.
00:09:50.000 I bet she got married and her. 1.00
00:09:56.000 She's a senior producer at Spotify for Artists.
00:09:59.000 I bet she got married and her boyfriend rightfully, or her husband rightfully realized that she is lusted by everyone in the universe. 1.00
00:10:07.000 So she shut down all her stuff.
00:10:11.000 Oh, here's one from September.
00:10:12.000 Go check out her Twitter, The KTB.
00:10:17.000 Can you tell me a little bit about Ryan Gosling, and you can tell he's just like, why don't I dump Eva Mendez and just take this woman away?
00:10:30.000 Can you tell me a little bit about your character and what it was like to inhabit the role and how you played it?
00:10:36.000 Oh, is she getting older?
00:10:38.000 Are you and Ridley still arguing over whether Deckard is a replicant or not?
00:10:43.000 No.
00:10:44.000 No, we're not.
00:10:45.000 Really?
00:10:46.000 No.
00:10:47.000 I heard that you guys were still debating even after all these years.
00:10:51.000 But she was British.
00:10:52.000 So which isn't?
00:10:52.000 She is.
00:10:53.000 She's hiding that pretty. 1.00
00:10:53.000 Oh, I can't. 1.00
00:10:53.000 I can't. 1.00
00:10:54.000 God damn it, Harrison.
00:10:55.000 Why not?
00:10:56.000 Because then that question will go away and people will not have that pleasure of debating it.
00:11:03.000 Okay.
00:11:05.000 Do you feel optimistic about the future of mankind?
00:11:08.000 I'll see you in the next one.
00:11:11.000 I'll see you in the next one.
00:11:16.000 What a catch, huh?
00:11:18.000 She's really disarming.
00:11:19.000 That's her power in interviews, I would suspect.
00:11:22.000 I think sometimes it can be a curse being that charming and pretty.
00:11:25.000 Because you just get nothing from.
00:11:27.000 Yeah.
00:11:28.000 Well, also, like every single human male in the world wants to fuck you.
00:11:32.000 Whether he's a 90-year-old man crossing the fields like, I wouldn't mind sucking a tit if I could just grab one tit, please, lady. 0.98
00:11:40.000 Little babies.
00:11:42.000 That's my new mommy. 0.99
00:11:43.000 I want you to be my mommy.
00:11:45.000 I don't understand these desires.
00:11:47.000 So that must get harrowing when you're like, I'm actually a music journalist and I have a lot to offer the world.
00:11:52.000 But I'll tell you what, there was another time when it was a real curse.
00:11:58.000 And what's her name won't let me do any coverage of this.
00:12:04.000 I want to interview her and do a whole new documentary.
00:12:07.000 What's the girl?
00:12:08.000 Megan Nurenger.
00:12:10.000 So she's a very pretty young lady, but her mother was an insane effing smoke show Jewish chick who looked exactly like Kim Taylor Bennett, right? 1.00
00:12:19.000 You can kind of tell that the mother could be an unspeakable smoke bomb just by her cheekbones and everything, right?
00:12:26.000 Megan's very hot, but like it doesn't ruin lives. 1.00
00:12:31.000 And she loves her pizza pies.
00:12:35.000 By the way, feminism ate her up and spat her out, and she doesn't cavort with me anymore because I'm a Trumper, but she secretly agrees with me that I was right all along when I said you need to settle down. 0.62
00:12:45.000 What's that?
00:12:46.000 Is that her tits out? 1.00
00:12:47.000 It's just a leaked nude.
00:12:49.000 Oh, we won't show that.
00:12:51.000 What kind of dick leaks a nude? 0.98
00:12:53.000 I just looked up her mother.
00:12:54.000 That's all I typed was her name and mother, and then that came up.
00:12:57.000 Well, you're never going to get her mother.
00:12:58.000 But anyway, here's a story that she won't Make public.
00:13:01.000 But her mother was insanely hot, like Kim Taylor Bennett hot. 1.00
00:13:07.000 And this is in the 60s and early 70s when swinging was big and sexism was still strong.
00:13:16.000 So you could grab a woman's ass. 1.00
00:13:18.000 And by the way, when I deny that sexism and racism exist, I'm obviously not talking about the 50s and the 60s and even the early 70s.
00:13:25.000 I'm talking about the 80s and up.
00:13:26.000 So I'll give you anything you want from 70s and down.
00:13:29.000 Anything.
00:13:32.000 And so all the husbands wanted to fuck her, Megan's mom. 1.00
00:13:38.000 And that wouldn't happen today in 2019.
00:13:40.000 There isn't swinging and key parties the way there was in even the 80s.
00:13:45.000 Like the idea that I would recommend wife swapping to anyone in my suburb would be, it would be hilarious. 1.00
00:13:51.000 They'd laugh their heads off.
00:13:52.000 That's a funny joke.
00:13:54.000 Is that like a reality show or something?
00:13:56.000 But it was plausible back then.
00:13:58.000 So when a husband who was arrogant enough to think he can fuck her is hitting on her, then that makes everyone uncomfortable. 0.98
00:14:06.000 It makes the husband uncomfortable, the one who's married to her.
00:14:09.000 And it makes that guy's wife, the one doing the hitting, hate her for being a homewrecker. 1.00
00:14:15.000 So she was a pariah.
00:14:19.000 And she was really depressed.
00:14:21.000 And everyone hated her guts.
00:14:23.000 She was like the elephant man of hotness. 0.98
00:14:26.000 That's bad.
00:14:28.000 So, ugly people like me, we can find solace in the fact that not everyone wants to fuck us.
00:14:36.000 And nobody hates the fact that we are constantly lusted.
00:14:42.000 When somebody likes you, you're like, you must really like me.
00:14:45.000 Yeah.
00:14:46.000 When someone wants to bone me, I go, well, you must be really familiar with my work and like it a lot more than what your eyeballs say.
00:14:55.000 All right, should we get into letters?
00:14:57.000 Ready for that?
00:14:58.000 We've already drooled enough on girls half our age. 0.99
00:15:01.000 Sure, sure.
00:15:02.000 So we want to do the bail big?
00:15:03.000 Shy, shy.
00:15:04.000 Hush, hush.
00:15:05.000 Eye to eye.
00:15:05.000 I love it.
00:15:08.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
00:15:13.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.
00:15:18.000 Let me touch it.
00:15:20.000 This one's from Rob.
00:15:21.000 Am I crazy or is this dude literally Ryan with tattoos and a Xanax addiction?
00:15:27.000 Maybe she's we're about to see the rapper baby Yoda. 0.94
00:15:31.000 Maybe it's just the mop hair and racial ambiguity, but it always trips me out whenever I watch the show or this dude's videos.
00:15:38.000 And then he brings us to a guy named Drippin'So Pretty.
00:15:42.000 Oh, you guys found my...
00:15:50.000 What's the matter?
00:15:51.000 You can't find it?
00:15:53.000 Why'd that take you so long?
00:15:54.000 I was getting all three videos queued up.
00:15:56.000 Don't do that.
00:15:57.000 We're not going to watch all three videos.
00:15:58.000 Charlie Shuffler.
00:16:05.000 A little.
00:16:06.000 That doesn't look anything like you.
00:16:08.000 I see some eye things going on there, but yeah, it's not me at all.
00:16:13.000 God, dude, neck tattoos on a young man?
00:16:17.000 Are you an MS-13?
00:16:18.000 That's my hair.
00:16:19.000 That's such a bad look.
00:16:21.000 Alright, what's the next one?
00:16:22.000 The next video, I mean.
00:16:24.000 It is this...
00:16:26.000 It's weird when people say...
00:16:31.000 And that is close.
00:16:32.000 Some guy with a beard.
00:16:35.000 Imagine I've made this type of music?
00:16:37.000 I don't mind it.
00:16:40.000 Hallelujah.
00:16:43.000 AK, if I fucking kept up with the times at all, I make my Acousti songs and my covers of Who's Watching Me.
00:16:55.000 We were sampling Blink 182.
00:17:02.000 I'm not seeing it.
00:17:03.000 That was a retarded letter, sir. 0.96
00:17:07.000 By the way, I just found a recent picture of Kim Taylor Bennett, and she has aged insanely well.
00:17:12.000 Is it this one?
00:17:14.000 Nope.
00:17:15.000 That one, she has a beard. 1.00
00:17:17.000 If you go to her Twitter, she's on October 30th, she was talking about interviewing Craig David.
00:17:25.000 Oh, Craig David.
00:17:26.000 Yeah, he's cool.
00:17:27.000 Look at her.
00:17:28.000 So she must be like 34 now.
00:17:31.000 She better be having fucking kids. 1.00
00:17:33.000 That'd be funny if we sued her for not having kids. 1.00
00:17:37.000 On behalf of humanity, we want you making more of you.
00:17:42.000 So I guess my son Johnny would be old enough to date your baby in 18 years.
00:17:48.000 And you're ruining that.
00:17:49.000 And you're taking that away from him.
00:17:50.000 True.
00:17:51.000 See you in court, bitch. 1.00
00:17:55.000 For preventing life.
00:17:57.000 Yeah.
00:17:57.000 Yeah.
00:17:58.000 For all the shitty people that have kids.
00:18:00.000 Every time I meet someone who didn't have kids, I always think, fuck, you would have been such a great parent.
00:18:05.000 Yeah.
00:18:05.000 It's always the way.
00:18:06.000 Like Anthony Cumia.
00:18:08.000 Uh-oh.
00:18:09.000 Of course, I just ruined her for me.
00:18:11.000 She tweeted out a picture of Greta Thunberg glaring at Trump, and she wrote, the fury in her eyes with a fire emoji.
00:18:21.000 And KTB is wrecked.
00:18:26.000 Why is everyone ruining themselves?
00:18:30.000 Like even De Niro.
00:18:32.000 I didn't hate him before he started talking about politics.
00:18:35.000 All right, so that's enough of that.
00:18:36.000 Next letter, Ladybug.
00:18:41.000 Naked Attraction isn't just on Pornhub, it is also on YouTube.
00:18:45.000 And then she sends me a YouTube link of the show Naked Attraction where the video is unavailable.
00:18:50.000 So, lady, nudity isn't allowed on YouTube.
00:18:54.000 Doi.
00:18:55.000 Gynecological stuff is. 0.97
00:18:59.000 There's a lot of ways around it.
00:19:00.000 There's waxing tutorials and stuff.
00:19:02.000 Okay, this is from a man named Daniel Krivenchko.
00:19:05.000 Hi, Gavin.
00:19:05.000 Watching yesterday's show, November 19th, I realized you've gone full boomer.
00:19:10.000 That is an insult.
00:19:11.000 That means you're old and out of touch.
00:19:14.000 It's so boomer of me to explain what boomer means.
00:19:17.000 Roosh V has done a complete 180 from what he used to do and is worth interviewing. 0.99
00:19:21.000 Crazy change in that man's life.
00:19:22.000 Dr. E. Michael Jones is basically your dad.
00:19:25.000 If he was Catholic and Irish.
00:19:26.000 Is this this fucking old bald guy that everyone talks about?
00:19:34.000 Is this this Dr. E. Michael?
00:19:36.000 Jesus Lord.
00:19:36.000 Yes.
00:19:38.000 Michael Smith or Jones?
00:19:40.000 You know those TradCons, America First dudes? 0.98
00:19:42.000 Yeah, they put him on.
00:19:43.000 They're obsessed with him.
00:19:46.000 He's like their new.
00:19:46.000 Obsessed.
00:19:47.000 He's their Jordan Peterson.
00:19:51.000 So I have to follow him too.
00:19:52.000 He's basically your dad.
00:19:53.000 Definitely someone you need to read or watch.
00:19:55.000 I get this on a daily basis, by the way.
00:19:57.000 People telling me I need to watch Dr. E. Michael Jones.
00:20:00.000 Because, of course, no one reads.
00:20:02.000 So every time that you argue with someone, especially people that are not boomers, and they discuss their argument, it's never a study or a well-researched, peer-reviewed article.
00:20:12.000 It's always like a fucking YouTube video.
00:20:14.000 Guys, all you do is sit and watch docs.
00:20:16.000 He retweeted you or when you mentioned him, he was like...
00:20:25.000 Pick up one of my books.
00:20:26.000 He's right.
00:20:28.000 Who said this?
00:20:28.000 Or something like that.
00:20:30.000 Is it E. Michael Jones?
00:20:34.000 Dr. E. Michael Jones.
00:20:36.000 Dr. E. Michael Jones retweeted me?
00:20:38.000 Yeah, or something with a...
00:20:43.000 Yeah, let me see.
00:20:44.000 What are you talking about, Ryan?
00:20:46.000 Well, our company.
00:20:46.000 Oh, no, no.
00:20:48.000 Our company Twitter.
00:20:50.000 Or somebody put up the clip of you talking about the new right versus trad right.
00:20:55.000 And he had something to say about it, and I'm looking for it.
00:20:58.000 Okay, thank you for that.
00:21:01.000 You completely misunderstand the right civil war.
00:21:05.000 The issue is between conserving family values and Christian morals versus being a global homo internationalist. 0.97
00:21:13.000 The actual conservatives want Americans to know that America can still be a place where sodomites aren't worshipped, where having a Christian family is possible, and where we can protect our physical borders.
00:21:24.000 By the way, I guarantee you that this guy preaching to me does not have a Christian family.
00:21:31.000 And I do.
00:21:33.000 The global homo crowd preaches that America isn't a real place and our borders shouldn't matter because America is just an idea. 0.83
00:21:40.000 Now, shit for brains.
00:21:41.000 If you were to go back to that picture, the ones on the other side are not for open borders.
00:21:48.000 Even Charlie Kirk, who's probably the most open bordersy guy, wait, what did that tweet say?
00:21:53.000 Said, well, there's a first.
00:21:54.000 I've just been informed I'm the nuclear weapon of the Trad Right. 0.84
00:21:57.000 He is right about my books, though.
00:21:59.000 You should probably pick one up, and then he puts one there.
00:22:02.000 Link there.
00:22:02.000 Yeah, it's benign.
00:22:03.000 Yeah, so play some more of that, that video that shows the other half.
00:22:07.000 Jordan B. Peterson of the Trad Right.
00:22:10.000 They all, everyone has to talk to him.
00:22:12.000 Everyone has to read his books.
00:22:13.000 They're really, it's sort of like in L.A. when you talk to people about politics and they go, you should be on Bill Maher.
00:22:18.000 You should talk to Bill Maher.
00:22:19.000 He's like their nuclear weapon.
00:22:21.000 And this is the Trad Right's nuclear weapon. 0.88
00:22:23.000 What's this guy's name?
00:22:24.000 Okay, so the other half of that tweet, I guess we don't have it, featured Charlie Kirk and Dave Rubin and a bunch of other people.
00:22:32.000 Yes, some of them are gay.
00:22:33.000 Yes, most of them don't really care about gay marriage.
00:22:35.000 They're not fucking open borders globalists.
00:22:43.000 They don't talk about America as just an idea.
00:22:46.000 Maybe they do.
00:22:48.000 Thank you, my time.
00:22:52.000 And then he sends me a link and says, skip to 2616.
00:22:56.000 Are you on this email?
00:22:57.000 Okay.
00:22:59.000 The fuck is telling us that our military boys and girls are not dying for our homes and family, but for some idea that came from Israel. 0.86
00:23:05.000 There's nothing American about that.
00:23:07.000 Also, what the fuck are these neocons conserved?
00:23:10.000 The right is now pro-sodomy, pro-abortion, pro-war, pro- Slow it down, dude.
00:23:17.000 Slow it down.
00:23:18.000 Let's go back to my original tweet that had the trad cons versus the new right.
00:23:27.000 Trad right.
00:23:29.000 Remember that one?
00:23:30.000 Yep.
00:23:32.000 This is going to take a tiny bit of research, folks.
00:23:35.000 So try to find that trad right versus new right thing.
00:23:38.000 Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
00:23:41.000 But this, I understand what you're saying, that a lot of right-wingers have given up and are now doing this like pro-abortion shit.
00:23:49.000 That's very rare, and it's not in the people that were listed in that.
00:23:54.000 Okay, so that's the trad right, right?
00:23:57.000 Now, his contention in this letter we just read is the next group we're about to see are pro-gay, open borders, sodomites. 0.80
00:24:04.000 They want drag queen story hour and all kinds of shit like that. 1.00
00:24:09.000 Let's hurry up and get to them.
00:24:11.000 I looked it up and I went, no, she said, hi, I'm Al Gold.
00:24:16.000 All right.
00:24:17.000 So none of these people want open borders.
00:24:23.000 Most of them don't have a problem with homosexuals.
00:24:26.000 None of these people are pro-abortion.
00:24:27.000 Ben Shapiro won't shut up about pro-life values.
00:24:32.000 All of these people are pro-life, by the way.
00:24:34.000 So your beef here is that like the black guy in the top is gay. 0.80
00:24:38.000 Ooh.
00:24:38.000 Or Dave Rubin is gay.
00:24:41.000 They're not like gallivanting sodomites that demand that you have sex with every dude that moves.
00:24:50.000 Wait, did I lose the letter already?
00:24:52.000 Sodomites.
00:24:53.000 Sodomites, big bear.
00:24:54.000 Big bear, why are you talking to sodomite?
00:24:57.000 He's literally a Jew. 0.95
00:25:01.000 He does drop the J-bomb sometimes. 0.91
00:25:04.000 Okay, I've lost this letter.
00:25:06.000 Well, I got the link for this thing.
00:25:08.000 Do we want to look at that video?
00:25:10.000 2616 timestamp, Mark?
00:25:12.000 Yes.
00:25:13.000 This idea of dual loyalty.
00:25:15.000 I have loyalty to ideas.
00:25:17.000 And of course, I love the Grand Canyon.
00:25:18.000 I love the Rocky Mountains.
00:25:19.000 And I love Boston.
00:25:21.000 I love Chicago.
00:25:22.000 But if all that disappeared and all I had was ideas and we were on an island, that's America.
00:25:27.000 That's Israel. 0.84
00:25:28.000 And that's what people have to realize.
00:25:30.000 No, no, no.
00:25:30.000 Just pause.
00:25:32.000 He's saying that like Israel is an idea, America is an idea in that it's Western values and Christianity and the hard work and grit and toil and mobility and revolutions and wars that brought this place here.
00:25:50.000 This sounds like semantics.
00:25:52.000 He's not saying that Israel created fucking America.
00:25:58.000 We're not anti-Semitic.
00:25:59.000 We're anti-semantics.
00:26:00.000 We're playing into...
00:26:02.000 We're really playing into...
00:26:05.000 We're really playing into the left hands with this, you know, starting a civil war over semantics.
00:26:12.000 Is it civil war or bickering?
00:26:16.000 And neocons, the people in that list, the second list with Dave Rubin and stuff, are not neocons.
00:26:21.000 Neocons is like Paul Wolfowitz.
00:26:23.000 It's like all of GW's cabinet.
00:26:25.000 None of the people on either side of that civil war support neocons.
00:26:30.000 And yeah, Charlie Kirk said that we should give green cards to every student who graduates from college on a student visa.
00:26:38.000 He changed his mind about that.
00:26:39.000 That's not the end of the world.
00:26:43.000 The right is now pro-sodomy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:26:46.000 The fuck we need those fags in our party if they just throw all our values away and tell us we are racist. 1.00
00:26:52.000 If America was an idea, why the fuck does everyone actually come to this country? 0.93
00:26:56.000 Sit in your shitty countries and embrace the America idea in your homelands. 0.68
00:26:59.000 Yeah, you should do that.
00:27:00.000 Charlie Kirk Kraut are all fucking sellouts.
00:27:02.000 Everyone who's on Kirk's side is funded.
00:27:04.000 Everyone on Nick's side is self-made.
00:27:06.000 How do you not see that?
00:27:08.000 It's the sellouts versus the organic right.
00:27:11.000 It's from a guy named Dan.
00:27:13.000 They aren't angry.
00:27:15.000 But I think he does have a point, though.
00:27:18.000 And the point is there's an argument here within the Civil War.
00:27:21.000 And that was too hyperbolic to nail it.
00:27:23.000 But it basically is, and it was actually phrased quite well by that question that said, how does anal sex help our movement?
00:27:32.000 And I met with guys who are about promoting traditional family values, and they said that gay marriage, the right-embracing gay marriage, killed a big part of Republican votes, and it seriously damaged the conservative movement.
00:27:44.000 And I was one of the pro-gay marriage guys because I thought, you're trying to be traditional. 1.00
00:27:48.000 You're trying to be normal.
00:27:50.000 You're trying to preserve or at least mimic Playhouse with the sense of Western identity.
00:27:57.000 But I was duped.
00:27:59.000 And gay marriage is turning out to be more about bullying Catholics and bullying Christians than two people madly in love. 0.76
00:28:06.000 Their divorce rate is shit.
00:28:08.000 They're having big problems with monogamy. 1.00
00:28:10.000 Very few of them are adopting.
00:28:12.000 I don't really think they wanted to get married for marriage's sake.
00:28:15.000 Now, as far as Israel goes, the argument that we shouldn't be fighting their wars, yeah, I agree, that we shouldn't be fighting barely any wars abroad. 0.85
00:28:25.000 I'm an isolationist.
00:28:26.000 I don't want our boys over there.
00:28:28.000 That doesn't mean you're pro-Israel, per se.
00:28:31.000 But secondly, the other problem with Israel, they say, is $3.4 billion a year.
00:28:35.000 I've met a ton of Israelis that don't want that money.
00:28:39.000 They say we're a thriving company.
00:28:41.000 We're a thriving country.
00:28:43.000 We have all kinds of medical technology, inventions that can easily handle our GDP.
00:28:49.000 We don't like the animosity that comes from this donation.
00:28:51.000 Stop sending it to us.
00:28:55.000 So Israelis are not the bad guys.
00:28:59.000 Okay, let's talk to John.
00:29:02.000 So just to get back to Daniel here, he's right about a lot of stuff.
00:29:06.000 He's mischaracterized the people on the right side of that thing, but I can't deny who I am, and I'm a guy who doesn't give a shit who's gay.
00:29:13.000 I also have a pretty hedonist past.
00:29:15.000 I want people to be traditional and sow their wild oats as soon as possible and put a ring on it, but it's not a deal breaker for me.
00:29:22.000 And I've noticed that you, the guy who's chastising me for being a hedonist and not supporting Christian family values, don't have a Christian family.
00:29:31.000 So maybe focus on putting a ring on it and making babies before you chastise me for not being a Christian family man enough.
00:29:39.000 See what I'm saying?
00:29:42.000 Wait a minute.
00:29:42.000 I've already misremembered that.
00:29:45.000 I thought his hands were out.
00:29:48.000 See what I'm saying?
00:29:49.000 They are.
00:29:49.000 Oh, they are.
00:29:50.000 They are.
00:29:51.000 It's not on a doorknob.
00:29:52.000 Few.
00:29:53.000 Few, yeah.
00:29:54.000 Close one.
00:29:55.000 This one's from John.
00:29:55.000 Hi, Gavin and Ryan.
00:29:56.000 There is a special kind of fuck you that Gavin has employed in the past few episodes, and it is awesome.
00:30:03.000 It is, to coin a phrase, empowering.
00:30:05.000 It is the same kind of fuck you you hear in the Breitbart clip from Jack Pesobic.
00:30:10.000 You're going to call us racist?
00:30:11.000 You're going to call us potential Timothy McVays?
00:30:13.000 Fuck you.
00:30:15.000 This is the fuck you heard around the world.
00:30:17.000 Doesn't he say war?
00:30:19.000 Pesobic?
00:30:19.000 It's not Pesobic.
00:30:20.000 It's Andrew Breitbart.
00:30:23.000 You have headphones on your head that are telling you my words into your actual, directly into your earholes, and you get them wrong.
00:30:30.000 You just said Pesobic. 0.99
00:30:32.000 It's the same kind of fuck you you hear in the Andrew Breitbart clip from Jack Pesobic.
00:30:40.000 I'm sorry.
00:30:42.000 Put that up again.
00:30:43.000 That's a real fist pumper. 1.00
00:30:46.000 Andrew Beitbart war.
00:30:48.000 Why'd I call him Breitbart?
00:30:50.000 There were so many crazy theories after he died of a heart attack.
00:30:54.000 My personal conspiracy theory is he died of a heart attack because he was stressed out about his marriage and he was being sued.
00:31:01.000 By that black lady who he caught saying racist shit. 1.00
00:31:06.000 You're going all the way down to Jack Pisobic's Twitter?
00:31:10.000 This is probably better.
00:31:11.000 So you're just going to scroll through all of his tweets ever?
00:31:14.000 Well, I remember around, it was the beginning of this month or the end of October or something.
00:31:19.000 So you just do his Twitter handle in the search bar, and then you write also the word Breitbart.
00:31:29.000 *Sigh*
00:31:29.000 You ever think of that?
00:31:36.000 Take an accusation of white nationalism.
00:31:38.000 Everyone should side with the segregationist against a white nationalist in the common cause against so-called repatriation of non-whites. 0.92
00:31:46.000 Everyone should side with a segregationist against a white nationalist.
00:31:50.000 Isn't a segregationist the same as a white nationalist?
00:31:54.000 In the common cause against so-called repatriation of non-whites.
00:31:57.000 And yet more extreme is a white supremacist.
00:31:59.000 And still more extreme the notion of Rassenkampf.
00:32:03.000 And further and further to the extremes.
00:32:05.000 Holocaust denial exists, don't forget, because of a desire to distance Nazism from ethnic cleansing.
00:32:11.000 And so, an accusation of Nazism passes the albino skateboarders on the inside lane and moves straight to hemophiliac tattoo models. 0.69
00:32:21.000 He's saying Nazis are the rarest of the rare, I guess.
00:32:24.000 We live in a generation of extremists because of an accusation of Nazism or even the threat of association, Anyone who can stomach the nod and the wink is an extremist position.
00:32:33.000 Jesus, that was a complicated read, dude.
00:32:36.000 What a pile of alphabet soup that was.
00:32:38.000 You can't search.
00:32:39.000 Can you not find it?
00:32:41.000 What?
00:32:42.000 Yeah, like if you're on Twitter.
00:32:43.000 Not in Twitter!
00:32:45.000 In Google!
00:32:46.000 That's how I got to it.
00:32:46.000 Yeah, I did that.
00:32:48.000 Watch how fast I fucking do this.
00:32:48.000 Okay, what's Jack?
00:32:50.000 What's Jack Pesobic's Twitter handle?
00:32:52.000 I'm not going to tell you because you're not very nice.
00:32:55.000 Okay, no problem.
00:32:56.000 It's at Jack Pesobic.
00:32:58.000 So we just spell his name and then it comes up.
00:33:01.000 At Jack Posobiic.
00:33:04.000 Then we go Bright Bart.
00:33:06.000 And then we go over to B. All the people that have gone out there against the mainstream media and said, you're going to call us racist?
00:33:14.000 You're going to call us potential Timothy McVays?
00:33:17.000 Fuck you.
00:33:19.000 War.
00:33:23.000 Wow.
00:33:28.000 I want to make that my alarm clock.
00:33:30.000 I should put that on the board.
00:33:32.000 That's a good point.
00:33:32.000 Yeah.
00:33:33.000 Although, the problem is the reason that war has so much impact is because of the intro.
00:33:37.000 But you know what?
00:33:38.000 I think you could just take it from after the fuck you and have the pause there.
00:33:43.000 The long pause.
00:33:44.000 The long pause and then war.
00:33:47.000 Yeah, that's a keeper.
00:33:49.000 Benjamin.
00:33:50.000 Hi, Gavin and Retard.
00:33:52.000 I saw on Twitter that a school is allowing trans students to use the girls' locker room. 0.50
00:33:57.000 Isn't it funny, by the way, how women want to use our bathrooms? 1.00
00:34:01.000 My shits are so bad.
00:34:02.000 When I was on vacation on Thanksgiving, for some reason, some female cleaning lady came into the men's washroom, not at five in the morning, but like in the middle of the day. 1.00
00:34:12.000 So I'd been kicked out of our hotel room because my shits reek up the whole room.
00:34:16.000 So I had to go down to the lobby.
00:34:18.000 I'm having one of my death shits that like singe your nostril hairs. 1.00
00:34:23.000 And I hear a woman come in. 1.00
00:34:24.000 She's like, oh, sorry.
00:34:25.000 I'll be outside.
00:34:25.000 Okay.
00:34:26.000 So I guess she thought no one was in and that she saw someone coming out.
00:34:29.000 And then the two seconds that she's into my bathroom, she steps foot in. 1.00
00:34:34.000 I can hear her go, ah! 0.87
00:34:38.000 She was dry heaving from my shits. 1.00
00:34:41.000 Now, you ladies want genderless bathrooms. 1.00
00:34:44.000 Do you have any idea what you're wishing for?
00:34:47.000 Do you know how brutal it gets in there with us?
00:34:51.000 One time my friend Steve, he was super baked at Montreal at the Rivolo.
00:35:00.000 Anyway, Rialto.
00:35:03.000 And he goes in there and he goes into the washroom and he's having an explosive diarrhea.
00:35:09.000 It's one of those ones that's really loud and seems to be saying the words florpidopoulos.
00:35:14.000 Florpodopolis.
00:35:16.000 Florpodopolis.
00:35:17.000 It's falling out like so many, it's toppling out like so many fallen soldiers.
00:35:23.000 Like so many.
00:35:25.000 And so he's so baked, he starts laughing.
00:35:27.000 He's like, oh, whoa, we got a live one.
00:35:32.000 He's kind of disappointed that the other guys aren't laughing because there's some really explosive stuff happening there, like prack, prack, prack.
00:35:39.000 And he's laughing his head off, dying, but a little hurt.
00:35:44.000 He comes out of the stall.
00:35:46.000 He didn't realize that he'd run into the woman's bathroom.
00:35:49.000 Oh, no.
00:35:50.000 And there's all these girls putting lipstick on, completely fucking mortified that he was basically chopping up a human body in the bathroom with hack sauce. 1.00
00:35:59.000 They'd prefer that, I'm sure.
00:36:01.000 And you want that?
00:36:03.000 Okay.
00:36:04.000 I'm married.
00:36:05.000 I don't care.
00:36:06.000 I'm all in.
00:36:10.000 Obviously, this is an attempt to manufacture a situation where a protective boyfriend, brother, et cetera, kicks the ass of a pervert playing dress up and use it to push the narrative that hate is on the rise in Trump's America.
00:36:21.000 That's an interesting angle.
00:36:23.000 You catch that?
00:36:25.000 So he's saying that they're doing this stupid shit so they can be victimized.
00:36:32.000 To provoke a fight.
00:36:33.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:36:34.000 And then when there's the fight, they go, see, trans are under attack.
00:36:37.000 I don't know if I agree with that.
00:36:39.000 I think you're giving them too much credit.
00:36:41.000 That's psyops. 0.95
00:36:42.000 They're not that Machiavellian.
00:36:44.000 They're just like, trans people, how can I bug everyone? 1.00
00:36:48.000 I can't make a trans bedroom mandatory, but everyone needs a bathroom. 1.00
00:36:53.000 I'm going to make a trans bathroom. 0.98
00:36:54.000 That's it.
00:36:55.000 Just, I'm going to make people do stuff for me.
00:36:59.000 Why does the left think it's acceptable to put women in danger like this?
00:37:03.000 Yes, that's a great question.
00:37:04.000 And it's not just women, children.
00:37:06.000 P.S. Ryan, for fuck's sake, point your toes and stop fucking up so much.
00:37:10.000 Point my toes?
00:37:11.000 It's an inside joke from my show that you apparently don't watch.
00:37:15.000 I passed.
00:37:16.000 Oh, that's a tip for your son for baseball.
00:37:20.000 Yeah, it passed.
00:37:21.000 It passed.
00:37:29.000 I'm really hoping they vote for it.
00:37:31.000 It's definitely going to be a step forward in progress.
00:37:34.000 Wait, just go back.
00:37:37.000 Look at that clown with the ginger beard, the fake jawline made of hair holding a trans flag. 1.00
00:37:48.000 What kind of a useless boob is that guy?
00:37:55.000 He's got an AIDS ribbon?
00:37:55.000 Wait a minute.
00:37:56.000 So he's just a useless fat gay who's decided to impose this on everyone. 1.00
00:38:02.000 Are UFG?
00:38:04.000 Really excited if they vote for it.
00:38:06.000 I'm a little bit nervous, though, as always, just you never know.
00:38:06.000 Nova Mede.
00:38:10.000 That's just Billy Guilish.
00:38:16.000 Can you pause here?
00:38:17.000 The other subtext of all this is nerds.
00:38:20.000 Nerds want to be part of the cool crowd.
00:38:20.000 Nerds.
00:38:23.000 They're sick of being ugly and uninvited to things.
00:38:25.000 And you can see this guy's face.
00:38:28.000 You can see the nerd that lies underneath the purple hair. 0.63
00:38:31.000 And these guys have been at the back of the line for so long.
00:38:36.000 Because they deserve to be, because they suck.
00:38:39.000 They want to be part of the in-crowd.
00:38:40.000 So they go, okay, I'll become an activist.
00:38:43.000 And then the camera's on me.
00:38:44.000 And everyone's talking about me and looking at me.
00:38:46.000 Now I matter.
00:38:49.000 And you saw this with UCB.
00:38:50.000 Remember, this was a couple years ago now, where Upright Citizens Brigade had a sheet that had been made by people who look exactly like him.
00:38:59.000 And it was the rules For trans comedy. 0.69
00:39:03.000 So, if you want to play a trans character, a woman can't play a man playing a woman. 0.98
00:39:09.000 And it was all these dumb parameters like that.
00:39:11.000 And the guy who snuck it out to me said that he saw the people, he knows the people who put this list together.
00:39:17.000 And then these ugly fat losers that aren't, I mean, whatever we say about improv and all that corny drama crap, improv is pretty hard.
00:39:27.000 Oh, nice job.
00:39:28.000 You found it.
00:39:30.000 So the big fat losers responsible for this have never really done improv or comedy, but they want to be part of the comedy club scene.
00:39:38.000 So they become the joke police.
00:39:40.000 And now, at least I'm part of the process.
00:39:42.000 Now people have to come to me and ask me if they can do jokes.
00:39:45.000 Can a cis woman play a cis man and vice versa? 0.86
00:39:48.000 Yes.
00:39:51.000 So long as it isn't a joke.
00:39:53.000 What?
00:39:54.000 i.e., cis man in women's clothing looks odd for a woman.
00:39:58.000 Man in a dress is a comedy trope that's transphobic.
00:40:02.000 Monty Python and SNL do a bad job.
00:40:04.000 Kids in the Hall did a great job.
00:40:06.000 Says who? 0.65
00:40:08.000 What kind of arbitrary line is that to draw?
00:40:12.000 Comedy is objective.
00:40:13.000 How was Monty Python's females different than Kids in the Hall's females? 1.00
00:40:18.000 Kids in the Hall's females were equally absurd, and they had those silly high voices of like, hello, I'm a lady. 1.00
00:40:26.000 Right.
00:40:28.000 This is who wrote it, by the way.
00:40:29.000 Chloe Koser.
00:40:30.000 You see?
00:40:31.000 Wait, what's the matter with that?
00:40:33.000 You see what I'm screaming?
00:40:35.000 Chloe doesn't do boys. 1.00
00:40:37.000 Yeah.
00:40:38.000 So some grumpy lesbian, assuming that's a cis woman, is writing all these rules, policing jokes. 1.00
00:40:46.000 And here's the problem with that.
00:40:48.000 5% of the population is funny at best.
00:40:51.000 1% of those are girls.
00:40:52.000 4% of them are men.
00:40:55.000 So 1% of the population is funny chicks.
00:40:58.000 Now you're enforcing all these rules and you're fucking with that tiny percent. 0.91
00:41:03.000 So now it's even less.
00:41:04.000 It's almost like you said, everyone in the NBA has to have a tattoo that says, black people suck.
00:41:11.000 You're going to lose a hell of a lot of really good players with this bizarre rule.
00:41:17.000 This is the boss of comic.
00:41:20.000 When I told them I was a communist, they said takes all of them.
00:41:23.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
00:41:24.000 I thought it was a real woman.
00:41:26.000 Chloe Koser says I don't do boys, which means she does girls, which means this is just a straight dude with long hair.
00:41:26.000 So wait a minute.
00:41:38.000 When I told them I was trans, they just said gender is a construct.
00:41:42.000 But they closed their door to me after I uttered those terrible words.
00:41:47.000 Remember the what?
00:41:50.000 Students, welcome to your first day at Fullminster Elementary, the world's most prestigious and difficult kindergarten.
00:42:00.000 You will not be coddled here.
00:42:02.000 Although if you need to use the restroom, just raise your hand for a piddle pass.
00:42:07.000 Look to your left.
00:42:08.000 Now look to your right.
00:42:10.000 By the end of the year, half of you will understand fractions.
00:42:17.000 Hello, I am Shelly, the tortoise who beat the hare.
00:42:22.000 Your list, I am now accepting questions.
00:42:25.000 How does it feel to win?
00:42:27.000 Well, I've been alive for 300 years.
00:42:30.000 Uh, I'm an introvert.
00:42:32.000 Uh, that means that I really just like I stay at home.
00:42:36.000 I am an introvert.
00:42:38.000 Who do you want on your side?
00:42:40.000 Some nerd from Penn State tapping his pen on the table from my claw.
00:42:48.000 Uh, everybody alright?
00:42:50.000 Roll call?
00:42:52.000 Anybody there?
00:42:53.000 That guy, uh...
00:42:59.000 I'm blinking more than Prince Andrew when he was asked if he ever had sex with a 12-year-old.
00:43:05.000 I would rather be on the Liliat Express than watch that again.
00:43:08.000 I like to be hyperbolic on this show, and sometimes to get the drama going, I might even make a bad situation seem worse.
00:43:16.000 That is way worse than I could have ever imagined it would be.
00:43:19.000 Oh.
00:43:22.000 I am.
00:43:23.000 I don't think you gave it a chance, dude.
00:43:24.000 I am dumbfounded.
00:43:27.000 I'm awestruck.
00:43:28.000 My mouth is agog.
00:43:29.000 Wonderful day for a picnic.
00:43:30.000 I'll say the sun is shining.
00:43:32.000 The food is amazing.
00:43:34.000 I'm with my favorite person in the world.
00:43:37.000 Oh, nothing could ruin me.
00:43:38.000 You know, pause, you know why a lot of gay culture sucks? 1.00
00:43:40.000 Because their priority is not meritocracy.
00:43:43.000 Their priority is making everyone feel good.
00:43:45.000 So if that guy really wants to be the lead, he's the lead.
00:43:50.000 So just to be clear here, this weird straight guy with long hair who wears a dress, that guy on the left, who's just really an ugly nerd who couldn't get laid, so he became trans to give himself some sort of identity, he's policing jokes. 0.66
00:44:02.000 He's the one who handles what's what.
00:44:04.000 And by the way, by the way, man in a dress trope is unfunny.
00:44:08.000 He's a man in a dress. 0.95
00:44:10.000 Yeah.
00:44:11.000 And he's unfunny.
00:44:12.000 Maybe they'll go away.
00:44:13.000 Oh, no, but it needs to.
00:44:15.000 Is that cantaloupe?
00:44:17.000 It's my favorite.
00:44:18.000 None for me.
00:44:18.000 You know what?
00:44:19.000 I'll just nibble on yours.
00:44:21.000 Oh! 0.60
00:44:22.000 Candelou!
00:44:24.000 I'll just have a nibble!
00:44:28.000 Oh my god, they're all over the food.
00:44:30.000 It's ruined!
00:44:31.000 Oh my god.
00:44:32.000 Just pause.
00:44:34.000 I think this is a pun.
00:44:35.000 Oh, it is a pun.
00:44:36.000 Ants at a picnic.
00:44:38.000 Ah, I see.
00:44:39.000 Like, that's a children's book level of humor.
00:44:43.000 Yeah.
00:44:44.000 A little children's book, like a five-year-old ants at a picnic would be something you'd read in a little kid's book.
00:44:50.000 Wait, don't stop it.
00:44:51.000 I thought you weren't sold on that one, so I clicked car keys.
00:44:54.000 I'm in hell.
00:44:54.000 Not sold?
00:44:56.000 This one's really good.
00:44:57.000 Car keys?
00:44:58.000 Car keys.
00:45:00.000 This is the person policing jokes at UCB.
00:45:03.000 The hottie on the left. 1.00
00:45:04.000 Retracing marstage.
00:45:05.000 Okay, okay, okay, cool.
00:45:06.000 That's smart.
00:45:07.000 That's smart.
00:45:12.000 Make sure you don't just have a man in a dress. 0.82
00:45:14.000 It's an old trope.
00:45:15.000 Kids in the hall did it right.
00:45:17.000 This is how to act and be funny.
00:45:20.000 I'm the joke police.
00:45:32.000 Good, I hope you get sick from that.
00:45:36.000 did you get sicker Oh, dude.
00:46:00.000 I gotta admit, this is pretty funny.
00:46:05.000 This isn't juvenile at all.
00:46:07.000 This isn't just fucking self-indulgent garbage that a little kid would do.
00:46:15.000 There you go.
00:46:16.000 Here's the big.
00:46:22.000 Look, he's too lazy and non-committal to even put this bottom part in his mouth.
00:46:27.000 What a shitty artist.
00:46:33.000 Here are my keys.
00:46:37.000 That was fucking disgusting.
00:46:41.000 You wore your shoes in the house?
00:46:44.000 Oh, Mr. Cut to black. 0.98
00:46:46.000 Because you would think that she would mention the licking all the stuff's the gross part, but she's saying it's gross that.
00:46:51.000 It's a misdirect.
00:46:52.000 So then when I say you wore your shoes in the house, just kill the lights and we'll let the applause and uproarious laughter just fill the room and fill our hearts.
00:47:00.000 Because I licked a bunch of chairs to find some car keys.
00:47:03.000 You may know me from the person who spelled ants wrong.
00:47:08.000 It is a disaster.
00:47:10.000 This is what happens if we give them the reins.
00:47:13.000 Smash the patriarchy.
00:47:14.000 Let me control it.
00:47:15.000 That woman, that thing, whatever it is, is the one telling comedians how they can do jokes. 1.00
00:47:22.000 And you go, okay, I don't want to offend anyone.
00:47:24.000 I just want to be polite.
00:47:25.000 So you take that form, and then you get that.
00:47:30.000 That's what happens when the lunatics run the asylum. 1.00
00:47:32.000 Go back to that list of rules.
00:47:35.000 What were the other ones?
00:47:37.000 They got really freaked out when I put this on my other show.
00:47:41.000 Can cis people play trans and B roles?
00:47:45.000 No.
00:47:47.000 What if I don't have a trans person available to do my trans bit?
00:47:50.000 Shouldn't we be inclusive?
00:47:52.000 Right.
00:47:53.000 No, white people can't play black roles either.
00:47:57.000 Fred Armerson has to appear on SNL as Obama just with his normal skin tone.
00:48:01.000 So you go, oh shit, Obama has food poisoning.
00:48:03.000 He's white as a ghost.
00:48:07.000 Can trans people, oh, and NB means non-binary.
00:48:10.000 Can trans non-binary play cis roles?
00:48:13.000 Yes.
00:48:14.000 Coincidentally, the trans person has a lot of rules that involve him being able to do whatever he wants and no one else being able to do his roles. 0.62
00:48:22.000 This is about people making their job easier for themselves.
00:48:25.000 Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts, absolutely.
00:48:28.000 Go back.
00:48:31.000 I'm a writer, and my director cast a trans non-binary performer in my sketch.
00:48:36.000 But that character uses pronouns other than what my teammates feel comfortable with.
00:48:42.000 What?
00:48:43.000 What the fuck?
00:48:45.000 Writers are responsible for changing the gendering and pronouns of this character before they send it to the ensemble.
00:48:51.000 It is very easy.
00:48:53.000 If you have any questions about these changes, ask your director, not your teammate.
00:48:58.000 What if the director says, I don't want you using those pronouns?
00:49:03.000 Well, then ask the teammate and keep asking people until you get the right answer.
00:49:06.000 Can I use the term straight man?
00:49:08.000 Nope.
00:49:09.000 In all caps, use the term voice of reason.
00:49:13.000 What do I do if I misgender someone?
00:49:15.000 Don't misgender people, period. 0.99
00:49:18.000 Why is everyone expected to focus on our support of trans?
00:49:21.000 We adjust for other people because we respect people.
00:49:23.000 No.
00:49:24.000 No.
00:49:25.000 I adjust for people who deserve adjustment.
00:49:28.000 I don't adjust for some random person who prints out a page of rules and who has no authority to print out this page of rules because they suck at their job.
00:49:37.000 They do ant puns.
00:49:38.000 Yeah, even Louis C.K. couldn't write a rules of comedy.
00:49:42.000 If he did, you know what?
00:49:42.000 Yeah.
00:49:44.000 Greg Gallman has all these comedy tips, and I think they're interesting, but they're just tips.
00:49:51.000 They're like, here's something that might help you write.
00:49:53.000 He doesn't ever say, nope.
00:49:56.000 What happens if I misgender someone?
00:50:00.000 You know what I do if I misgender someone and it offends them?
00:50:02.000 I go, well, that saves some time.
00:50:04.000 I'm not hanging out with that person.
00:50:06.000 What a bummer.
00:50:08.000 All right, let's get back to Billy Gilish.
00:50:12.000 Yeah.
00:50:13.000 He's so beguiling.
00:50:17.000 By the way, I love Greg Goleman, but I hate when people put the brackets around their name.
00:50:22.000 I hate people that speak like ASMR all the time.
00:50:26.000 Do you know what the brackets mean?
00:50:28.000 Jew. 0.90
00:50:29.000 Yeah, but alt-right guys, when they want to say those people, they'll say, of course, you know, media was controlled by those people, then they'll put the brackets around them.
00:50:39.000 Oh, okay.
00:50:39.000 So when you put your brackets around, you're like, yeah, I'm those people.
00:50:43.000 Got a problem with it.
00:50:44.000 And the reason I hate it is because it's saying, it's like, I'm a Jew.
00:50:47.000 You got a problem with that?
00:50:49.000 No, dude, no one does.
00:50:51.000 Six people you'll ever meet.
00:50:53.000 And in New York City and you're in media, you'll never meet one person who has a problem with Jews.
00:50:59.000 But you're blowing my mind by telling me you're a Jew. 0.98
00:51:03.000 Like that fucking photographer for the LA Mag, Jill Greenberg. 0.55
00:51:08.000 She goes, she's taking my picture and she goes, and as you probably know, you know, from my name that I'm a Jew.
00:51:16.000 And I go, yeah, I didn't really, I guess, sure.
00:51:20.000 And she goes, do you have a problem with that?
00:51:23.000 Yes, I have a huge problem with that.
00:51:26.000 You can't, you should have told me, Jill Greenberg, that you were a Jew before I came over here.
00:51:32.000 Wait a second.
00:51:32.000 You're a boob, boop, boy.
00:51:35.000 What?
00:51:35.000 And I said to her, I go, Jill, have you ever come across anyone who has a problem with you being a Jew?
00:51:41.000 And she goes, well, no, I mean, I'm in media, so.
00:51:44.000 Oh, okay.
00:51:46.000 If you were in a synagogue in Alabama, it would be a whole other story, right? 0.75
00:51:52.000 See, unfortunately, it's not everything we want, such as talking about even the small things like changing the name on your student ID, Which you're required to wear at all times.
00:52:04.000 So I'm really hoping that the district makes the right decision here.
00:52:11.000 My gender is Kieran Kulkin.
00:52:13.000 What's yours?
00:52:15.000 How does that make a deal?
00:52:18.000 I'm ecstatic.
00:52:20.000 You're ecstatic.
00:52:25.000 We get it.
00:52:28.000 How do you feel about tie bars?
00:52:31.000 You're just a fat gay nerd with long pink hair. 1.00
00:52:35.000 Actually, you're not even gay.
00:52:36.000 No one's fucking you. 0.97
00:52:37.000 So you just say you're gay.
00:52:38.000 Right.
00:52:38.000 You don't have to suck any dicks.
00:52:40.000 No one wants to put their dick in your mouth. 1.00
00:52:41.000 You're just hopeful for a certain gender. 0.99
00:52:43.000 My privacy is being invading as I am a swimmer.
00:52:46.000 I do change multiple times naked in front of the other students in the hall.
00:52:54.000 I understand that the board has an obligation to all students, but I was hoping that they would go about this in a different way that would also accommodate students to myself.
00:53:05.000 Just pause.
00:53:06.000 That is so perfect.
00:53:06.000 Sanity.
00:53:08.000 Totally sane.
00:53:09.000 And by the way, there's a difference between a naked 32-year-old and a naked 14-year-old.
00:53:15.000 Right?
00:53:16.000 Yep.
00:53:16.000 A naked 14-year-old just got her boobs.
00:53:19.000 She's at her period like three or four times.
00:53:22.000 Her hormones are raging through her body.
00:53:25.000 She couldn't be more vulnerable.
00:53:28.000 And here we are sticking that big fat douche in to go look at her. 1.00
00:53:32.000 Remember Jessica Slaloff?
00:53:35.000 Who keeps going to gynecologist to get her balls and penis wax? 1.00
00:53:39.000 She just tattled again. 0.99
00:53:40.000 Yeah, she's still going.
00:53:42.000 And she would talk about how, what do I do if a 12-year-old girl asked me for a tampon?
00:53:47.000 Yeah, what the hell?
00:53:48.000 Should I put it in?
00:53:49.000 Actually, I don't know if he said, should I put it in, but that was the tone.
00:53:52.000 Should I help them?
00:53:53.000 Yeah.
00:53:55.000 I'm ecstatic.
00:53:56.000 Transgender student Nova Medea.
00:53:58.000 I feel uncomfortable.
00:54:00.000 My privacy is being invaded as a swimmer.
00:54:02.000 I change multiple times, making it funny.
00:54:04.000 Yeah, and she was like almost crying, this girl.
00:54:06.000 Yeah.
00:54:06.000 Nice system we have.
00:54:08.000 Cis tem.
00:54:10.000 We're really punning it up today, huh?
00:54:12.000 Hell yeah.
00:54:13.000 But this is like when Jeffrey Dahmer found out that we're going to call him racist in that documentary, and he said, can you make sure that you make it clear that I only ate black people because I was near them?
00:54:22.000 I'm not racist.
00:54:23.000 So a cannibal who was the worst cannibal in the history of the Western world.
00:54:28.000 I mean, he would have a foot in a freezer for years, drink soup out of their skulls.
00:54:33.000 And that guy was more concerned about being racist.
00:54:36.000 So we would rather have 14-year-olds in a sexually dangerous position, little girls, our daughters, we'd rather have them under siege and vulnerable than be seen as bigots or not up on the latest trends.
00:54:50.000 Basically, to be unfashionable.
00:54:53.000 Politics is fashion, and it's worse to be unfashionable than it is to put our children in danger.
00:55:05.000 War.
00:55:07.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:55:11.000 Oh, no.
00:55:13.000 I did save it, though.
00:55:16.000 Thanks.
00:55:16.000 That was a great letter.
00:55:19.000 It ate up a lot of the show, ain't it?
00:55:20.000 Oh, yeah.
00:55:21.000 That was reasonable.
00:55:23.000 Yankee Doodle Dandelion.
00:55:27.000 Biggs said to never approach.
00:55:29.000 Oh, sorry.
00:55:29.000 The subject of this letter is Biggs is fucking awesome.
00:55:33.000 Whoops.
00:55:33.000 Oh, no, sorry.
00:55:35.000 That's bizarre.
00:55:36.000 My brain wanted this to be positive, and it made, it changed fucking Snowflake into awesome.
00:55:43.000 Oh, shit.
00:55:45.000 My brain lied.
00:55:46.000 How'd it do that?
00:55:48.000 Biggs said to never approach a veteran and say something like, I've never done what you've done, but I can only imagine.
00:55:53.000 Gavin, for crying out loud, explain to the meathead moron that I've never done what you've done, but I can only imagine is an expression signifying that someone has no idea what something is like and is a way of complimenting someone on doing something difficult.
00:56:06.000 I don't say this often, but he is truly a knuckle dragger.
00:56:10.000 Biggs is one of the best guys I've ever met.
00:56:12.000 I love his show.
00:56:13.000 I think it's a very important show.
00:56:16.000 I mean, we're both trying to entertain you, but I think he has a much stronger message.
00:56:21.000 And I think his message could literally save lives when it comes to these vets coming back home with PTSD.
00:56:28.000 I've never done what you've done, but I can only imagine.
00:56:34.000 If they're like, I don't like that, you meant well.
00:56:37.000 But like, if I mean well when I say, hey, you don't look as fat anymore, like that, that's nice.
00:56:42.000 I'm trying to be nice, but that woman probably wouldn't appreciate it. 1.00
00:56:45.000 Yeah, like this is probably a bad analogy, but I've noticed with ex-cons, you don't just jump into what were you in for.
00:56:50.000 You slowly get the story, da, da, da, and then you can say, well, was that what your charge was?
00:56:54.000 Or was that what the judge said?
00:56:56.000 And you can slowly get it or something.
00:56:58.000 You know, like, we're all very delicate with Vietnam vets.
00:57:01.000 Yeah, that's another thing.
00:57:02.000 There's snowflakes that are college students that say, don't clap because I am sensitive to hearing, so go like this.
00:57:08.000 Then there's a guy like Biggs whose Humvee was explodified and he went soaring into the sky and landed on his side.
00:57:20.000 He was this close to dying.
00:57:23.000 I'll listen to him, what he doesn't like.
00:57:25.000 Now, he's not saying you're not allowed to say it.
00:57:26.000 He's just saying, please avoid saying this.
00:57:28.000 Sorry, dude.
00:57:29.000 Sorry, Yankee dude. 1.00
00:57:31.000 You're a fucking prude.
00:57:33.000 Warp.
00:57:34.000 Wait, do that again?
00:57:38.000 War.
00:57:39.000 No, do it again.
00:57:42.000 Warp.
00:57:44.000 You got- Is that the maximum you got for the pause?
00:57:48.000 And also, for some bizarre reason, you cut out the boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:57:53.000 Why'd you do that?
00:57:55.000 What's the matter with you today?
00:57:57.000 I just figured if we're gonna get a little bit of a little bit of a message.
00:58:00.000 Yeah, a little bit.
00:58:01.000 And I still got work to do today.
00:58:04.000 Not even extra stuff.
00:58:04.000 Extra stuff.
00:58:07.000 The thing that you said would be ready, no problem, two days ago.
00:58:12.000 Yesterday?
00:58:13.000 Or yesterday?
00:58:14.000 Right.
00:58:17.000 There.
00:58:24.000 Let's hear that now.
00:58:25.000 Show it.
00:58:26.000 Show it to the folks at home.
00:58:27.000 Okay, everybody.
00:58:29.000 War.
00:58:29.000 Ready everybody?
00:58:35.000 That's how it's done, my boy.
00:58:38.000 Gotta really pick my moments with that one.
00:58:41.000 Gavin, at what point do we just give up and let the lunatics run the country?
00:58:45.000 I don't know.
00:58:45.000 I was saying the other day that maybe we should just let them go.
00:58:48.000 They're doing a much better job of destroying jihadists, Islam, and radical feminists. 1.00
00:58:54.000 And the real thing they're doing is ostracizing the entire left from the Midwest and the Rust Belt and the flyover states.
00:59:03.000 Like when you do that bathroom shit and you show that crying girl, that's a much more powerful weapon than we could ever do on this show.
00:59:13.000 So maybe it's best to leave them to their own devices.
00:59:15.000 They are Lord of the Flies these days.
00:59:18.000 And maybe it's best that we let Piggy get brained for holding the conch shell.
00:59:23.000 Everyone's read that book, right?
00:59:26.000 Lord of the Flies?
00:59:28.000 Yeah.
00:59:28.000 Yeah.
00:59:30.000 And being good at it, if you will.
00:59:32.000 Just let one of the crazy leftists win the presidency and hold on tight for four years. 0.99
00:59:37.000 The country will inevitably go to shit, but it'll prove that we were right and a Democrat would not see the White House for the foreseeable future after that disaster. 0.54
00:59:44.000 Problem.
00:59:45.000 Terrible.
00:59:45.000 Problem.
00:59:46.000 We did that with Barack Obama for eight years.
00:59:48.000 We got Benghazi.
00:59:50.000 We got Fast and Furious, where him and Eric Holder sent guns down to Mexico without serial numbers and gave the cartels more weaponry to create more kiosks.
01:00:01.000 They thought it would make guns look bad.
01:00:02.000 No one covered that.
01:00:04.000 We didn't cover Title IX, how he destroyed college sports, education, started this whole rape Me Too crisis on college campus.
01:00:14.000 We didn't talk about the total lack of recovery the economy went through.
01:00:19.000 Most recoveries bounced back like this.
01:00:21.000 His just sort of went, yeah.
01:00:24.000 He was a shit show, and because the media loved him so much, mostly because he's black and charming, we never heard about it.
01:00:32.000 And he was known as a successful president.
01:00:34.000 And you can wear, I see shirts all over New York that say, we miss you, Obama.
01:00:40.000 So I don't think, no, I don't think it's that obvious when shitty presidents fuck up.
01:00:45.000 It's not worth destroying the country a little bit to prove a point.
01:00:48.000 That's what the left wants to do.
01:00:50.000 They want everything to go to shit just to be like, told you.
01:00:53.000 So you're wrong.
01:00:54.000 So sorry, Derek, we're not doing that.
01:00:57.000 Poor fucker said that.
01:00:59.000 Oh, fuck.
01:01:06.000 This one's from Scott.
01:01:07.000 Guys, wife and I bring in my 16-year-old to New York for his birthday this weekend.
01:01:10.000 Staying near Times Square.
01:01:11.000 I haven't been to that cesspool in 20 years.
01:01:13.000 Times Square was the peep shows and junkies when I was a kid.
01:01:15.000 What to do?
01:01:16.000 Where to go?
01:01:16.000 Please and thank you.
01:01:17.000 Scott.
01:01:20.000 I don't know.
01:01:20.000 Why are you good?
01:01:22.000 What am I supposed to do with that, Ryan?
01:01:25.000 Put on your tour guide hat and go see the tree, Rockefeller Center.
01:01:30.000 Yeah, Christmas is beautiful.
01:01:32.000 This time of year.
01:01:34.000 If you smoke cigars, go to Cigar Lounge.
01:01:36.000 The square is cool to walk around and you're near Rockefeller Center with the tree and all that.
01:01:41.000 It's all close by.
01:01:42.000 You can see St. Patrick's Cathedral while you're there.
01:01:45.000 Trump Tower is right there, too.
01:01:47.000 Trump Tower.
01:01:48.000 Go down to Ground Zero.
01:01:49.000 You can see all that.
01:01:50.000 There's some cool bars down there, too.
01:01:53.000 Williamsburg, the 16-year-old will like Williamsburg.
01:01:56.000 You just go over the Williamsburg Bridge or take the L-train to Williamsburg.
01:02:00.000 You walk around Bedford.
01:02:02.000 Show your kid all the cool hipster shops and all the zippy pop-up art galleries.
01:02:07.000 Yeah, if you like that hot sauce, all the hot sauce from that show, Hot Ones, it's located, the factory is located in Brooklyn.
01:02:14.000 You could buy hot sauce there.
01:02:15.000 Go to a hot sauce factory is Ryan's two cents.
01:02:18.000 Yeah, I don't know.
01:02:19.000 Look up, Google it.
01:02:21.000 The kid probably likes that show.
01:02:23.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:02:27.000 Hit the music, Ryguy.
01:02:28.000 Squill, once the metal hit the temple of his grill.
01:02:31.000 Construction worker who was caught for his bomber.
01:02:34.000 No time to swing the hammer that was hanging from his farmers.