Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E104 - CHRISTMAS HITS

00:00:24.000 When I was five minutes, no one knew it was bad.

00:00:30.000 When I would hang up my stocking at Christmas, open my presents and I'd be back.

00:00:38.000 Merry Christmas!

00:00:40.000 Ho ho ho! 1.00

00:00:42.000 Welcome to our Super Duper Christmas app, folks.

00:00:46.000 What do you think?

00:00:47.000 This is our new look.

00:00:48.000 Yeah, we're gonna keep it year-round, right?

00:00:50.000 Yep.

00:00:51.000 Because every day is Christmas, really, on this show.

00:00:54.000 God, I hate sweaters.

00:00:56.000 They're so hot.

00:00:57.000 Are you wearing a sweater?

00:00:58.000 I couldn't tell.

00:01:00.000 Really?

00:01:01.000 Behind the festivity.

00:01:03.000 Well, look.

00:01:04.000 It has a nose that glows.

00:01:11.000 I guess I should take these down, right?

00:01:13.000 I don't know.

00:01:13.000 It's kind of hilarious.

00:01:15.000 It is so benign.

00:01:17.000 I mean, benign?

00:01:19.000 Malignant?

00:01:20.000 Malignant?

00:01:21.000 Maligned? 0.59

00:01:22.000 Maligned? 0.59

00:01:24.000 Malaise.

00:01:25.000 Oh, God.

00:01:27.000 This is what I always say about people who use letters they don't use letters, use words they don't understand.

00:01:33.000 I've noticed now that using the number sign after the number is just a given.

00:01:38.000 That's just a fact now.

00:01:40.000 I don't do that.

00:01:41.000 It's like the word literally no longer means literally.

00:01:46.000 Eventually, when people make the same mistake enough times, it ceases to be a mistake.

00:01:50.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 You were a mistake, I believe, right?

00:01:54.000 A Japanese man had a one-night stand with a random Puerto Rican hairdresser.

00:01:58.000 And I'll never not be a mistake, judging by your logic.

00:02:02.000 Oh, something crazy, Rayan.

00:02:05.000 You should have been abortion. 1.00

00:02:07.000 Ray, huh?

00:02:08.000 I said I cannot raise you.

00:02:09.000 No, my mom wanted to abort me, but then my aunt, who was like kind of, she's kind of a salty aunt to me.

00:02:15.000 As I was growing up, she was kind of salty towards me.

00:02:18.000 Wow, so that's the worst of both worlds.

00:02:20.000 First, she makes you live, and then she treats you like shit. 1.00

00:02:23.000 No, no, my mom treated me great, but my, yeah, my aunt.

00:02:25.000 My aunt said, you know, you should have the kid because it'll be Asian. 1.00

00:02:31.000 It'll be cute.

00:02:32.000 She was right.

00:02:32.000 So nothing to do with Catholicism or pro-life.

00:02:35.000 No, she had three abortions before me. 1.00

00:02:37.000 Your mom did?

00:02:38.000 I think that's the number, yeah.

00:02:40.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:02:41.000 Or two.

00:02:43.000 I thought Puerto Ricans didn't abort. 1.00

00:02:44.000 It sure looks like they don't when you walk through the Bronx.

00:02:47.000 Yeah.

00:02:48.000 But she was partying. 0.82

00:02:49.000 She's like, she likes to party. 0.63

00:02:51.000 Oh, all right.

00:02:51.000 Well, you're with her today on Christmas.

00:02:53.000 I'm with my family.

00:02:55.000 And we'd like to dedicate this particular episode to the birth of Christ.

00:03:00.000 The pagans had a silly, stupid religion where they worshiped the sun and threw babies into fires because the matriarchy is far more cruel than the patriarchy could ever be. 1.00

00:03:13.000 And we said, you know what, we're going to do it just like Halloween.

00:03:16.000 We're going to take your shitty holiday and we're going to push Jesus' birth up till December 25th. 0.74

00:03:22.000 And then we'll just, you can join our thing.

00:03:24.000 That's what I love about Christmas.

00:03:26.000 So everyone's invited.

00:03:27.000 Hey, pagans, stop being pagans.

00:03:29.000 Worship Christmas.

00:03:31.000 Actually, you don't even have to worship Christ.

00:03:33.000 Just be part of Christmas.

00:03:35.000 My daughter knows a girl that's so religious, she doesn't celebrate Halloween. 0.96

00:03:40.000 I know those.

00:03:41.000 But Halloween has been subsumed by Christianity, and it's the All Saints Day is the next day. 0.97

00:03:48.000 So it was Sam Hain, the pagan thing, and then we made it ours. 0.97

00:03:51.000 Same with Christmas.

00:03:52.000 Come on in.

00:03:55.000 Non-time?

00:03:56.000 And this is why I always stress at this time of year, Jews should celebrate Christmas. 0.98

00:04:01.000 You don't need the manger.

00:04:03.000 In Canada, we call it a nativity scene.

00:04:05.000 I think here they call it like a chrism or something?

00:04:08.000 A nativity scene.

00:04:10.000 Nativity, the baby Jesus.

00:04:11.000 We call it that also.

00:04:12.000 No, here in New York, they call it like a chishm or a chrism or a chrism.

00:04:17.000 Oh, chasm?

00:04:18.000 You don't know anything, Ryan.

00:04:19.000 So don't interject if you don't know the answer.

00:04:21.000 You said ativity scene.

00:04:23.000 Nativity scene.

00:04:24.000 That's what I said.

00:04:25.000 Right.

00:04:25.000 But it has another name here.

00:04:27.000 Yeah, but you messed up nativity.

00:04:30.000 I said ativity?

00:04:31.000 Yes.

00:04:32.000 I don't think I did.

00:04:32.000 It's on the tape.

00:04:34.000 Okay, well, you folks at home can play that back.

00:04:36.000 I know you're getting kind of sick of these letters.

00:04:38.000 Ryan, could you be a doll and remove these?

00:04:40.000 Sure.

00:04:44.000 Oh, that's bad symbology, right?

00:04:47.000 Yeah, we're not collapsing Christmas.

00:04:51.000 Actually, don't turn them off.

00:04:53.000 They turn off automatically, and I have a remote for them.

00:04:56.000 These are actually in my home as we speak.

00:04:59.000 Isn't that weird?

00:04:59.000 We're playing with time.

00:05:00.000 It's also weird that I have the Scottish Tam on because the Scots aren't big fans of Christmas.

00:05:09.000 You know why?

00:05:10.000 Because they're the anti.

00:05:12.000 By the way, this is chilling at the bottom.

00:05:15.000 They're like the anti, their culture's anti. 0.99

00:05:20.000 Antifa.

00:05:21.000 So whatever the English do, the Scots do the opposite.

00:05:25.000 If English people drink Coca-Cola, they drink Pepsi. 1.00

00:05:28.000 They notice that the English are more Christian and tend to celebrate Christmas with more enthusiasm.

00:05:33.000 Okay, then we'll do New Year's Eve.

00:05:38.000 We'll call it Hogmanay. 0.99

00:05:39.000 Can you get rid of these two?

00:05:41.000 The yellow fucks up the color scheme.

00:05:43.000 It overwhelms the machines.

00:05:47.000 So they do New Year's Eve in Scotland.

00:05:48.000 That's their big thing.

00:05:49.000 Hogmanet.

00:05:50.000 And they have a Bonnie.

00:05:51.000 Which brings me to the point of this show.

00:05:53.000 Today is a special episode.

00:05:54.000 Probably won't be that long.

00:05:57.000 We're going to pretend this isn't pre-taped and we have to get back to our families.

00:06:02.000 That brings me to our first guy.

00:06:04.000 What's his name, Cinnamon?

00:06:05.000 Oh, Jerry Cinnamon.

00:06:08.000 Jerry Cinnamon.

00:06:09.000 So I want to spend this episode going over my favorite Christmas jams.

00:06:14.000 Maybe some of you are overseas.

00:06:15.000 Maybe some of you are cops who have to work this shift.

00:06:19.000 I want you to still feel the Christmas vibes.

00:06:20.000 So I'm going to share with you my favorite Christmas songs.

00:06:25.000 And I would include the Bonnie in this list.

00:06:31.000 Terry Cinnamon's the Bonnie.

00:06:33.000 The Bonnie, which I guarantee you'll spell wrong.

00:06:36.000 I did.

00:06:39.000 This is about a bonfire, but Bonnie also means pretty in Scotland.

00:06:44.000 And this feels like a Christmassy song.

00:06:46.000 Yes, it's New Year's Eve.

00:06:47.000 Some of these are going to leak into New Year's Eve.

00:06:50.000 Just a tiny bit, but it's amazing how many good Christmas jams there are.

00:06:55.000 Talking to up.

00:06:59.000 I love this guy.

00:07:00.000 Thank you to the reader who introduced us to him.

00:07:02.000 I never heard of him before.

00:07:04.000 He's opening for Liam Gallagher on this tour.

00:07:10.000 That's a song called The Pawnee, by the way.

00:07:14.000 The Pawnee

00:07:21.000 Jerry Cinnamon.

00:07:44.000 Great cam.

00:07:45.000 Anyway, so put that on your list.

00:07:46.000 Should we write all these down as we're doing them?

00:07:48.000 We could.

00:07:50.000 That sounds like it's gonna not look good though.

00:07:56.000 I'll write them down.

00:07:57.000 So that was the...

00:08:05.000 And that was the Bonnie.

00:08:07.000 Can you go back to the video for the kinks?

00:08:09.000 Because I jumped away from that.

00:08:10.000 It looked fast.

00:08:11.000 Oh, I'm sorry, I missed out on a point.

00:08:12.000 God, I look so much like my dad with this hat on.

00:08:14.000 It's evil.

00:08:15.000 It's spooky.

00:08:16.000 Spooky.

00:08:17.000 Do you know what the beast within is?

00:08:20.000 Nope.

00:08:20.000 It's a horror movie from when I was a kid, and this guy becomes invisible, rapes a woman.

00:08:26.000 He turns into a hideous monster, but they save money by making him invisible.

00:08:31.000 And then he rapes a woman, she gets pregnant, has a normal kid, but like you, turns into a piece of shit at 18.

00:08:38.000 Oh, man.

00:08:39.000 And then becomes invisible and goes and rapes someone and so on and so on and so on.

00:08:46.000 I never raped.

00:08:48.000 There he is.

00:08:48.000 That's the beast within.

00:08:52.000 He never raped.

00:08:57.000 This is, I always joke about this movie with my dad because this is how I feel.

00:09:01.000 Like we did not get along when I was a teenager.

00:09:04.000 And then in my 20s, you know, I started realizing that he wasn't as stupid as I thought he was.

00:09:09.000 As Mark Twain says, it's amazing what my father learned from when I was the age of 16 to 24.

00:09:14.000 Wow.

00:09:15.000 And now I look down and like I start using, like if I get scared, I go, oh, Jesus Christ.

00:09:20.000 Almost with a Scottish accent.

00:09:22.000 That's me becoming 49.

00:09:25.000 I am my father.

00:09:27.000 I didn't know my dad existed from the ages of 16 and 24 until the ages of...

00:09:32.000 Hey, let me ask you something.

00:09:34.000 You were kind of depressed last night.

00:09:35.000 Yeah.

00:09:36.000 Not really.

00:09:37.000 No, I was really.

00:09:37.000 Is it because you came to my house and saw my wonderful family and you had dinner with us and it was roast chicken and you saw like the normal family and you thought, I want one of those.

00:09:45.000 Well, yeah, I always do want a family, but yeah, I feel a little farther away from that becoming a reality than ever, really.

00:09:51.000 But I don't really care.

00:09:52.000 I don't get depressed.

00:09:53.000 I legitimately don't.

00:09:54.000 I was just very tired.

00:09:55.000 And then I had a you said aloud.

00:09:58.000 Nothing matters.

00:09:59.000 No, I said that in the bar.

00:10:01.000 There was the queen song on Bohemian Rhapsody.

00:10:05.000 And then he's like, nothing really matters.

00:10:07.000 And I just lean back and I just go, nothing fucking matters. 0.53

00:10:10.000 Because there's just like three people.

00:10:11.000 I'm so sorry.

00:10:12.000 I'm so sorry.

00:10:14.000 I misspoke.

00:10:15.000 I said that you said aloud, nothing really matters, and you were depressed.

00:10:18.000 But you pointed out that you were alone in a bar and repeated the line from the song, nothing really matters.

00:10:23.000 Not alone in a bar, and I did it as a joke.

00:10:25.000 Who were you with at the bar?

00:10:26.000 Your good friend?

00:10:28.000 Mexican sir to the left of me.

00:10:29.000 Oh, Mexican sir to the left of me. 1.00

00:10:31.000 And your other good pal?

00:10:32.000 Caucasian Mister. 0.52

00:10:33.000 Caucasian Mister. 0.52

00:10:35.000 Surrounded by your closeies, your BFFs forevs.

00:10:40.000 I don't know about forevs, but I would hope that they would. 1.00

00:10:42.000 Brian, I'm always right.

00:10:43.000 Like, I'll always say two and two is four, and you'll turn into fucking Terrence Howard.

00:10:47.000 And you say, well, no, you add one.

00:10:49.000 Like, two and two is really just one plus one plus one plus one.

00:10:52.000 It's more three plus one equals four for me.

00:10:54.000 Because you're right, but you're making it seem way worse.

00:10:56.000 Out of context.

00:10:57.000 Okay, anyway, my theory.

00:10:59.000 So, I think my family made you sad last night.

00:11:02.000 Incorrect.

00:11:03.000 Really?

00:11:04.000 The amount of work that I had to do, and I was a little overwhelmed by that.

00:11:09.000 But I got it done.

00:11:10.000 Frankly, we got it done.

00:11:11.000 It's not done.

00:11:13.000 But they don't, by the time they see this, it'll be done.

00:11:16.000 Okay, great logic.

00:11:17.000 Anyway, the other intern stone we have is I said I want Jews to celebrate Christmas. 0.87

00:11:22.000 Now, I don't mean the nativity scene, but the Jews I know in California do the presents, do the tree, do the 25th, and have the Santa.

00:11:32.000 Santa's not Jesus.

00:11:34.000 He's a Nordic.

00:11:35.000 It's based on German culture and Nordic gods, God of Thunder.

00:11:40.000 It's got a whole other trajectory that is so distant from Christianity and Judaism that it's not an issue. 0.96

00:11:47.000 I understand.

00:11:47.000 You don't want a little Jesus in your house if you're Jewish.

00:11:50.000 Get it.

00:11:51.000 That's fair.

00:11:52.000 But Santa Claus?

00:11:53.000 And by the way, he was white.

00:11:55.000 There's nothing black about Santa Claus.

00:11:57.000 Who cares?

00:11:58.000 He's fictional.

00:11:59.000 Yeah.

00:12:00.000 Well, James Bond is fictional, and he's...

00:12:03.000 He's a black woman now. 0.99

00:12:04.000 That's going to go down.

00:12:05.000 The smurfs are blue.

00:12:06.000 Why aren't the smurfs black? 0.98

00:12:07.000 Look, black Santa Fe. 0.99

00:12:08.000 Smurfs are black. 1.00

00:12:10.000 Look how black Smurfs. 1.00

00:12:12.000 I can't wait to see what pops up.

00:12:13.000 Did I ever tell you about my buddy?

00:12:14.000 He's kind of a drunk Tanner, we call him.

00:12:17.000 And he was wearing a shirt that had black Bart Simpson on it.

00:12:21.000 Oh, my God.

00:12:23.000 There's a lot of this.

00:12:23.000 That's racist.

00:12:25.000 I used to love Smurfs when I was a little kid.

00:12:27.000 The black ones? 1.00

00:12:27.000 I like the way they're drawn. 1.00

00:12:29.000 Yeah, they're very pleasant to look at.

00:12:31.000 Anyway, Tanner's on the subway on the L-train, and these two black kids come up to me and go, yo, what the fuck? 1.00

00:12:37.000 He goes, what's the problem here?

00:12:38.000 Your shirt, man.

00:12:39.000 You think you just wear that around?

00:12:41.000 And Tanner just goes like this.

00:12:47.000 Just takes the shirt off.

00:12:49.000 And that's it.

00:12:50.000 Yeah, that's the shirt he had.

00:12:51.000 I think it was Radio Rahim.

00:12:55.000 No, I think it was that one.

00:12:56.000 Yeah, I think it was that one.

00:12:58.000 He doesn't have the love and hate.

00:12:59.000 No, maybe it's not.

00:13:00.000 Radio Rahim.

00:13:01.000 Yeah, it is.

00:13:02.000 All right.

00:13:03.000 So let's go back a step now to that other jam, Father Christmas by the Kinks.

00:13:09.000 Christmas songs don't have to be gay. 0.97

00:13:14.000 I think this is one of their greatest songs.

00:13:16.000 I think this is one of their greatest songs.

00:13:30.000 Tapping better not be audible in the show.

00:13:32.000 No.

00:13:32.000 So don't make us annoyed.

00:13:34.000 Give all the toys.

00:13:36.000 To the little rich boys.

00:13:39.000 Yeah.

00:13:40.000 It's really the drum rolls that make this song.

00:13:43.000 Can we do a harmony like that?

00:13:45.000 You and I now?

00:13:47.000 Give all the toys to the little rich boys.

00:13:52.000 Damn it.

00:13:53.000 No?

00:13:54.000 Who fucked up?

00:13:56.000 I did.

00:13:56.000 Give all the toys to the little rich boys.

00:14:02.000 Fuck.

00:14:03.000 That was bad on my part.

00:14:05.000 I can't sing.

00:14:06.000 Because you said Rit.

00:14:07.000 You put Rich in there?

00:14:09.000 That's how the song goes.

00:14:10.000 Oh, okay.

00:14:10.000 Well, I messed up as well.

00:14:11.000 So usually greatest hits things start with the worst and go and get better and better.

00:14:16.000 But we just started with the greatest Christmas song of all time.

00:14:18.000 Let's blast through some more.

00:14:22.000 Oh, there's the waitresses. 0.87

00:14:24.000 I know what boys like.

00:14:27.000 I know what girls want. 1.00

00:14:28.000 You know that?

00:14:30.000 Yeah, I've heard that.

00:14:30.000 That never occurred to me as a Christmas song.

00:14:32.000 No, that's not a Christmas song, Penis Face.

00:14:34.000 Oh.

00:14:35.000 But they also do a Christmas song.

00:14:38.000 Where is it now?

00:14:41.000 God, I got some good.

00:14:43.000 Christmas rapping?

00:14:45.000 Merry Christmas.

00:14:46.000 No, I think it's called Merry Christmas, but it might be called Christmas rapping.

00:14:48.000 But wait, pause.

00:14:50.000 All bands want to have a Christmas song because once you can knock that out of the park, it's literally the gift that keeps on giving.

00:14:57.000 The royalties and all.

00:14:59.000 Yeah.

00:15:08.000 Yeah, this is it.

00:15:11.000 Turn it up, dude.

00:15:13.000 We're having a party.

00:15:14.000 Woo! 0.99

00:15:17.000 They're like from Ohio or something.

00:15:19.000 I love how kind of not hot she is. 1.00

00:15:21.000 Okay.

00:15:22.000 Bah humbug, but that's too strong Cause it is my favorite holiday But all this year's been a busy blur Don't think I have the energy To ride in my already mad rush Just cause it's Christmas season The perfect gift for me Would be complete since then The bass player's not even trying to pretend to play the bass line.

00:15:40.000 No, and she's not even singing.

00:15:42.000 They were kind of post-punk weirdos.

00:15:46.000 Like low effort.

00:15:47.000 They kind of remind me of Canadians in a way.

00:15:48.000 Where they're just kidding.

00:15:50.000 Don't people from Ohio or like Wisconsin feel Canadian in some way?

00:15:54.000 Oh yeah, we sound the same.

00:15:56.000 Oh.

00:15:57.000 Is it reasonable?

00:16:01.000 That's the good part.

00:16:02.000 The chorus.

00:16:03.000 Hailed a picture, frozen landscape Chilled this room for 24 days Evergreen, sparkling snow Yeah, Akron, Ohio.

00:16:10.000 I love women. 1.00

00:16:18.000 Like, she's just being a goofy goof. 0.99

00:16:21.000 Yeah.

00:16:21.000 And I just want to kiss her on the lips.

00:16:23.000 Weird goofers rule. 0.88

00:16:24.000 She looks like Lorraine Bracco. 1.00

00:16:26.000 Oh, dude, you know what we did?

00:16:28.000 So we finished the Irishman last night, and it was a homework assignment.

00:16:32.000 I mean, my wife and I both went downstairs and just went, ah, here we go.

00:16:36.000 And we finished our homework assignment.

00:16:39.000 Oh, smoke show.

00:16:40.000 Fuck, Italians age well, don't they? 1.00

00:16:42.000 Italians and Jews.

00:16:43.000 I don't know what it is, a Mediterranean in them.

00:16:46.000 But Colin Quinn had a great, great quote.

00:16:49.000 He goes, Irishmen is superior to goodfellas in that goodfellas cut out all the driving and checking into hotels and just left the exciting parts.

00:16:59.000 And I text that to my wife because after we watched the Irishman, which at the end I was just repeating in a mantra, shoot him, shoot him. 0.99

00:17:08.000 Like you want De Niro to die so bad so the movie will be over.

00:17:13.000 And then I put on Mean Streets after the movie was over and looked at what his face looked like when he was a young man.

00:17:18.000 Completely different.

00:17:20.000 He was a handsome young man.

00:17:21.000 He had a big pelican nose that took up 80% of his face, but he looks nothing.

00:17:29.000 Robert De Niro and the Irishman, when they have him young, looks not one iota like that.

00:17:34.000 Zero.

00:17:36.000 That's my hair, man.

00:17:37.000 By the way, you know who De Niro is.

00:17:39.000 He's a little tiny midget drama club kid with a gay poet dad who loved to dance and do art.

00:17:46.000 And because he lived near Mulberry Street with Scorsese, he saw these tough Goombas and he was a good little queer who knew how to act like them. 0.88

00:17:58.000 And then, and this happens a lot in New York, then he kind of became the guy.

00:18:03.000 This has happened numerous times in history where people who aren't that guy play that guy and then that guy takes them over.

00:18:13.000 The movie How to Get a Head in Advertising, starring Richard E. Grant, the same guys who did with Nail and I, do a movie about this sales dude who develops a tumor on his shoulder and the tumor gets bigger and bigger and then it starts talking to him.

00:18:27.000 And then it gets so big that when he goes to amputate it, they accidentally amputate the wrong tumor.

00:18:34.000 They amputate his head and the tumor takes over.

00:18:37.000 What is taking you so fucking long?

00:18:39.000 Well, I was looking up something else, but what is that?

00:18:42.000 How to get ahead in advertising, please!

00:18:46.000 I look over to screen.

00:18:47.000 He's got Withnail and I up.

00:18:49.000 Yeah, let's look at the other movie he did.

00:18:53.000 Holy fucking Jesus Lord.

00:18:57.000 By the way, Richard E. Grant got nothing for Withnail and I, nothing for this masterpiece.

00:19:01.000 Then he acts like a homo in some movie about fake letters starring Tubby McGee, Melissa McCarthy. 1.00

00:19:06.000 Oscar, you win.

00:19:09.000 I'll be through with the weekend.

00:19:11.000 You should watch this, by the way.

00:19:12.000 By the way.

00:19:13.000 My name is Barbara Simmons, and I'm a biochemist.

00:19:17.000 But at night, I'm a woman.

00:19:20.000 Rule number one, be creative in every situation.

00:19:24.000 I recommend a new product because I Make it.

00:19:31.000 What do you want?

00:19:32.000 Never lose your perspective.

00:19:34.000 Compared to this, Dandruff was a birthday present.

00:19:36.000 So is Brett.

00:19:37.000 You're raising your voice, darling.

00:19:39.000 Don't bring home your work.

00:19:41.000 You're under tremendous stress.

00:19:42.000 I know exactly what I'm doing now.

00:19:44.000 It is funny.

00:19:46.000 Follow these simple rules.

00:19:48.000 You'll soon run down and you become a ball yourself.

00:19:51.000 And you will get ahead.

00:19:57.000 So brilliant.

00:19:58.000 Why did this movie go nowhere?

00:20:03.000 It's very similar to Whipmill and I. Just pause.

00:20:12.000 My favorite.

00:20:13.000 So the tumor that is developed ends up being similar to Satan.

00:20:18.000 And they have a scene where the wife is talking to her friends.

00:20:21.000 And she's talking about how weird he's become since the operation because he's the tumor.

00:20:25.000 And she goes, he won't stop fucking me.

00:20:29.000 The other day he said he wished I had nipples on my ass.

00:20:34.000 That's hilarious.

00:20:36.000 Anyway, so that concept of the character you have taking over your personality and becoming you happened to, who the hell was I talking about?

00:20:49.000 De Niro.

00:20:50.000 De Niro.

00:20:51.000 I have two more examples.

00:20:52.000 Okay, we'll get to yours.

00:20:53.000 Don't forget them.

00:20:54.000 Put a pin in those. 0.63

00:20:55.000 So he goes like, yeah, I'm a tough guy.

00:20:57.000 Yeah, I'm a tough guy.

00:20:59.000 Yeah, I put a tough guy in Mean Streets.

00:21:00.000 That's me.

00:21:01.000 The next thing you know, he thinks he is that.

00:21:03.000 And I see through you, De Niro.

00:21:05.000 I see you as the Fae Drama Club kid all over New York. 0.87

00:21:08.000 Harvey Keitel too.

00:21:10.000 Drama Club kids.

00:21:12.000 They're little midgets. 0.78

00:21:13.000 And when these kids are Ryan's height and below, they aren't invited to play sports.

00:21:18.000 So what does a kid do?

00:21:19.000 Drama Club.

00:21:20.000 So Tom Cruise, that's why they're all midgets.

00:21:22.000 Like, you look at the Irishman.

00:21:23.000 De Niro, who's, I think, 5'4 ⁇ , is staring down at Joe Pesci.

00:21:28.000 Joe Pesci must be fucking Danny DeVito-sized.

00:21:31.000 He must be five feet tall.

00:21:33.000 Anyway, at least Joe Pesci, I don't get the feeling that he was a little drama club pussy who decided to become a tough guy. 0.92

00:21:40.000 I think he has a wise guy background to some extent.

00:21:43.000 Oh, there they are.

00:21:43.000 Look at them.

00:21:44.000 He's wearing lifts.

00:21:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:49.000 I saw that picture a long time ago, and now I realize, oh, they were making the Irishman.

00:21:54.000 Yep.

00:21:55.000 That's hilarious.

00:21:57.000 Nice brothel. 1.00

00:21:58.000 The other funny thing about that movie, too, and you see that in the last picture, De Niro is like 80 years old.

00:22:03.000 So he has that 80-year-old way of walking.

00:22:06.000 Go back to that picture where he's walking.

00:22:08.000 Yeah, yeah, that's the one.

00:22:09.000 You see the one on the left with his arm up?

00:22:11.000 That happens to old man.

00:22:12.000 You see with Ben Stiller's dad, Jerry Stiller on King of Queens?

00:22:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:16.000 He has this like contorted look.

00:22:17.000 So they have De Niro when he's 30 beating up a guy, but he's got his little Jerry Stiller arms, and it looks so gimpy.

00:22:24.000 It looks like T-Rex is beating up a dude.

00:22:27.000 Anyway, so De Niro is one of them.

00:22:29.000 Tupac Shakir.

00:22:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:31.000 Raging queer. 1.00

00:22:32.000 Tupac the queer, his name should be. 1.00

00:22:35.000 I know David Cross's cousin Aviva went to high school with him and it was an art school where you danced and you did lots of arty stuff and had improv.

00:22:46.000 And he was doing all that and mostly focusing on dance.

00:22:50.000 I don't have a problem with that, by the way.

00:22:52.000 And he was dancing up a storm.

00:22:54.000 Then he did a movie, Juice.

00:22:57.000 And they go, what about that really effeminate dancing guy?

00:22:59.000 Can he do a tough guy?

00:23:00.000 And he's like, yo, what's up?

00:23:01.000 I'm a fucking nigger up, yo.

00:23:03.000 I'm a psycho like that.

00:23:06.000 I'm a rob you, bitch. 1.00

00:23:07.000 And everyone went, I love that.

00:23:09.000 You're like a badass, right?

00:23:11.000 And he goes, yeah.

00:23:13.000 Yeah, I'm a psycho.

00:23:14.000 I'm like a blue.

00:23:15.000 I'm a crip.

00:23:16.000 I guess I'm a crip.

00:23:18.000 Yeah, I'm a crip.

00:23:19.000 Or am I a blood?

00:23:20.000 What's the red one and what's the blue one?

00:23:22.000 Both.

00:23:23.000 I'm both.

00:23:24.000 I don't know.

00:23:24.000 I'm also the white gang.

00:23:26.000 I'm like a new gang.

00:23:30.000 I can't find one picture where his eyes aren't fruity eyes.

00:23:33.000 Yeah, he's a fruit.

00:23:34.000 I'm not saying he's literally a homosexual, but he's a fruity dude.

00:23:38.000 So that's two, De Niro.

00:23:40.000 Lou Reed.

00:23:42.000 Weirdo Little Nerd like Harmony Corin. 0.99

00:23:44.000 You know Harmony Corinne?

00:23:45.000 He never strayed from Harmony Corinne.

00:23:48.000 When he was a little kid doing kids, he had his backpack and he's like, hey guys, what's going on?

00:23:52.000 Now he's doing movies with Matthew McConaughey.

00:23:55.000 He's still like, hey, we did a weird surf movie, man.

00:23:58.000 Like, he's still the Jew nerd that he's always been, and that's sincere. 0.99

00:24:04.000 But Lou Reed, exactly the same guy as Harmony Corinne, nerdy, insecure.

00:24:09.000 He comes to New York and he's overwhelmed by the coolness.

00:24:13.000 So he starts doing heroin and then he starts wearing sunglasses at night.

00:24:17.000 Is there anything more insecure than always wearing sunglasses?

00:24:21.000 It's fucking embarrassing.

00:24:23.000 So he puts on the sunglasses, does the smack.

00:24:26.000 The smack starts giving him this, I don't give a shit, personality, man.

00:24:30.000 Hey, babe, take a walk in the wild side.

00:24:33.000 Or don't.

00:24:34.000 I don't give a shit.

00:24:35.000 I'm kind of a badass, fucking lazy dude who's totally unflappable and I'm kind of sexual too.

00:24:42.000 I'll have sex with a tranny, maybe. 1.00

00:24:44.000 Like, when I see that picture, I see a nervous Jewish kid. 1.00

00:24:49.000 Actually, if you go up to that high school photo, you can see who he really is.

00:24:52.000 Yeah.

00:24:53.000 Hi.

00:24:53.000 I'm Louis Reed.

00:24:54.000 I'm Louis Reid.

00:24:55.000 Oh, my God.

00:24:56.000 I want to come to New York, but everyone is so tough down.

00:24:58.000 They're wearing leather jackets and they're doing the punk thing with the Avon Garde.

00:25:03.000 Wait, what?

00:25:04.000 What a weird yearbook.

00:25:06.000 They just give him basically a bio instead of it.

00:25:08.000 Tall, dark-haired Lou likes basketball, music, and naturally.

00:25:12.000 We got those in our yearbook.

00:25:14.000 Oh, really?

00:25:14.000 Yeah.

00:25:15.000 Wow, I guess that was an old-fashioned.

00:25:16.000 It had to be submitted by your friends.

00:25:18.000 Oh, okay.

00:25:19.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

00:25:20.000 So some people didn't have one.

00:25:21.000 Some people did.

00:25:22.000 Anyway, so that's De Niro, Tupac, Lou Reed.

00:25:25.000 Anyone else?

00:25:26.000 What were the ones you had?

00:25:28.000 Jeff Bridges became just the big Lebowski.

00:25:31.000 He's like, Zen, like, well, man, you know, you do an acting role, man.

00:25:35.000 So he became, that's how he acts, like, in, uh, Yeah, okay, I'll give you that.

00:25:42.000 I'll give you that.

00:25:43.000 And then also McConaughey.

00:25:47.000 You know.

00:25:48.000 But you don't know what he was like before.

00:25:52.000 Like that.

00:25:54.000 I'm not giving you Matthew McCaughey.

00:25:56.000 When I talk about Lou Reed and Tupac Shakir and Robert De Niro, I have background.

00:26:01.000 Well, just Jeff Bridges.

00:26:03.000 Why did you get Matt?

00:26:04.000 You don't know Matthew McConaughey.

00:26:06.000 Are you saying people act like someone in their movies?

00:26:08.000 But he doesn't really act like that, like, okay, okay, okay, guy.

00:26:12.000 Well, going back to what you said in the other show, I think he's more just self-indulgent, which comes off like.

00:26:17.000 All right.

00:26:18.000 No wonder Ryan's mailbag is the biggest flop in the history of free speech TV.

00:26:23.000 Oh, man.

00:26:26.000 Okay, you want some more jams?

00:26:28.000 There's a ton of cool jams.

00:26:31.000 Bruce Springsteen, Merry Christmas, baby.

00:26:34.000 I'm not going to put that on the list.

00:26:36.000 Too mainstream.

00:26:37.000 This isn't my super Christmas cool list.

00:26:39.000 I wish I could just send it to you.

00:26:42.000 You know?

00:26:42.000 Like email?

00:26:44.000 Or to the people?

00:26:46.000 Oh.

00:26:46.000 This is what I'm trying to do.

00:26:48.000 Spotify.

00:26:49.000 Merry Christmas, baby.

00:26:51.000 A lot of these I'm putting on the list because you want to entertain your friends, but that's not the purpose of this show.

00:26:56.000 This show is to turn you on to Christmas classics that you haven't heard of before.

00:27:00.000 What about what Christmas Means to Me by Stevie Wonder?

00:27:03.000 Oh yeah, that's a jam.

00:27:06.000 You know what you got to check out?

00:27:08.000 Stevie Wonder when he was fucking 11.

00:27:12.000 He was that hot?

00:27:13.000 Oh my God.

00:27:14.000 He was on fire.

00:27:18.000 This reminds me of it.

00:27:19.000 Maybe he was 20.

00:27:21.000 Oh yeah.

00:27:22.000 Candles burning low.

00:27:25.000 Lots of mistletoe.

00:27:28.000 Lots of snow and ice.

00:27:31.000 Everywhere we go.

00:27:33.000 Quiet singing cat.

00:27:36.000 Right outside my door.

00:27:39.000 All these things more.

00:27:42.000 All these things more.

00:27:44.000 That's what Christmas means to me, my love.

00:27:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:52.000 All right, so we got that one.

00:27:55.000 You should check out Stevie Wonder Boy Wonder.

00:27:59.000 Like, I have this album of him when he was 12, and it's almost punk rock.

00:28:06.000 The way he's jamming out.

00:28:07.000 All these things, bro.

00:28:09.000 Boy Wonder.

00:28:11.000 Oh, no, Ryan.

00:28:12.000 You're just going to get Stevie Wonder stuff.

00:28:14.000 Fucking Lord in heaven above.

00:28:16.000 So wait, what am I supposed to type in besides?

00:28:18.000 Look up, young Stevie Wonder.

00:28:19.000 Stevie Wonder Boy Wonder won't pop up?

00:28:22.000 No, when you have Wonder next to Stevie Wonder, it's going to be too much.

00:28:24.000 The album has Boy Wonder, but put Stevie Wonder 12 years old.

00:28:30.000 This is the worst Christmas ever.

00:28:33.000 You know what?

00:28:33.000 I'll find the link.

00:28:34.000 This is how we should do the show from now on.

00:28:36.000 I find the link, and then I email you the 12-year-old genius.

00:28:41.000 Sure.

00:28:43.000 Boy Wonder would have been a good title for it.

00:28:48.000 Well, he had plenty of albums when he was that young.

00:28:52.000 Now what's taking you so long?

00:28:53.000 One more, how about that?

00:28:59.000 Ladies and gentlemen, now I'm going to do a song, Okay, close that. 0.98

00:29:04.000 You actually had it up earlier.

00:29:05.000 Look up 1964 Fingertips.

00:29:08.000 Stevie Wonder.

00:29:12.000 So he's like 12.

00:29:20.000 He is certainly not 12.

00:29:23.000 How do you know?

00:29:24.000 That's not a 12 year old man.

00:29:25.000 12 year old man.

00:29:27.000 Thank you.

00:29:35.000 He's born in 1950.

00:29:37.000 That's 1963, I believe.

00:29:39.000 64.

00:29:40.000 So he's 14.

00:29:44.000 And this sucks.

00:29:45.000 Maybe go farther up into it.

00:29:46.000 I'm surprised.

00:30:36.000 So that's a jam.

00:30:38.000 Nice.

00:30:39.000 I got these, don't necessarily play these.

00:30:42.000 I'm just telling you that they're on my list.

00:30:44.000 And like Merry Christmas Babies, a good crowd pleaser.

00:30:46.000 You got your boring relatives at the house, so you play them some hits, right?

00:30:51.000 Tom Petting the Heartbreakers, Christmas All Over Again.

00:30:54.000 Prince, another Lonely Christmas.

00:30:57.000 It's not a good jam.

00:30:59.000 It's too weird.

00:31:00.000 Little Drummer Boy, Johnny Cash.

00:31:02.000 That's a really cool thing to put in your mix.

00:31:07.000 Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

00:31:09.000 Frank Sinatra is awesome.

00:31:11.000 Oh, here's a good jam for this show.

00:31:13.000 That's going list.

00:31:14.000 Ramones, Merry Christmas.

00:31:16.000 I don't want to fight tonight.

00:31:18.000 Merry Christmas.

00:31:19.000 I don't want to fight tonight.

00:31:22.000 I wonder what percentage of the Ramones royalty income comes from classics like this.

00:31:28.000 Is that one of the Beastie Boys?

00:31:32.000 What?

00:31:32.000 What do you think you're doing?

00:31:34.000 What?

00:31:34.000 I'm reading a Christmas Carol.

00:31:36.000 Wow, since when did you learn to write don't start with something don't stop this is every video in the 80s some jerk trying to bring you down my friend yes you're friends you're right you're right you're right because I don't know how to make friends why aren't they at their folks house if they don't have kids this is Howard Stern at his peak See

00:32:16.000 bringing Jews over. 0.99

00:32:16.000 There's Ron Coleman at my Christmas party. 0.99

00:32:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:19.000 Yeah.

00:32:25.000 Okay, that's an awesome game.

00:32:27.000 What about this James Brown?

00:32:29.000 Please come home For Christmas.

00:32:34.000 That's not very good.

00:32:40.000 Okay, speaking of Otis Redding, I mean, speaking of Stevie Wonder, the next one to put with that is Otis Redding.

00:32:45.000 Merry Christmas, baby.

00:32:47.000 I think Otis Redding was a homosexual.

00:32:57.000 Did you know that?

00:32:58.000 I don't think, well, I don't know.

00:33:00.000 I don't think so.

00:33:02.000 No, he's too good.

00:33:04.000 Too good.

00:33:05.000 God, you're a retard. 1.00

00:33:06.000 Too good to be gay. 1.00

00:33:07.000 I regret giving you that awesome shirt.

00:33:10.000 Oh, man.

00:33:12.000 Look at Ryan's wonderful shirt.

00:33:14.000 You may have remembered this from a couple weeks ago.

00:33:17.000 Put it on.

00:33:20.000 Christmas came early.

00:33:29.000 Yeah, I met a...

00:33:30.000 I did an article about this in Vice, actually.

00:33:31.000 Edited an article.

00:33:32.000 Had this article written for my magazine.

00:33:35.000 Wherein we found this car...

00:33:39.000 Well, I can hear you.

00:33:41.000 Listen.

00:33:42.000 It's the speaker.

00:33:44.000 Yeah, turn up the speaker.

00:33:49.000 We met this carpet dude in Denmark who designed artisanal carpets, mid-century carpets, which is, you know, gay central. 1.00

00:34:00.000 And he had all this evidence that, yeah, he was Otis Redding's lover.

00:34:03.000 I think Otis Redding moved to Europe actually to be with him.

00:34:08.000 That sucks.

00:34:09.000 That doesn't suck.

00:34:11.000 I don't like that.

00:34:12.000 Okay, I think the only rap song that is good for Christmas is Christmas and Hollis.

00:34:19.000 Hollis Queens.

00:34:21.000 What did you think about Hollis Queens when you were a kid growing up?

00:34:24.000 I never knew anything about it.

00:34:25.000 I think this is the first time I've heard it.

00:34:27.000 Four minutes away?

00:34:28.000 From the Bronx?

00:34:29.000 I don't know.

00:34:31.000 Not from Co-op City, maybe.

00:34:32.000 Okay, I'm going to look it up.

00:34:36.000 What the hell is this?

00:34:42.000 Why do you got to blackify Christmas?

00:34:45.000 If I lived in Japan, I wouldn't try to Japanese holidays.

00:34:52.000 This is Whitebeard.

00:34:53.000 I'm late as it is.

00:34:56.000 Isn't this cultural appropriation?

00:35:01.000 Now stay put.

00:35:03.000 Don't go anywhere till I get back.

00:35:05.000 Cro-op City is 13 miles from Hollis Queens.

00:35:11.000 Hollis Queens is pretty darn New York.

00:35:14.000 Hollis.

00:35:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:21.000 I recognize this.

00:35:22.000 Hey, why are the white kids naughty? 0.58

00:35:24.000 Oh, good.

00:35:25.000 Black people are naughty. 1.00

00:35:26.000 Everyone's naughty.

00:35:27.000 Look at that skiing.

00:35:28.000 Look at that tracking.

00:35:29.000 Wow, that's bad.

00:35:32.000 B. Davidson, like, putting the kids on the naughty list.

00:35:36.000 It looks just like that.

00:35:39.000 Thanks, man.

00:35:39.000 I know it's not too much.

00:35:43.000 after the way younger.

00:35:57.000 I picked the wallet up and then I took the board.

00:36:01.000 He stole Santa's wallet?

00:36:05.000 I left the buyer for a magic car with me.

00:36:08.000 But I never built a sentence.

00:36:09.000 Just pause.

00:36:10.000 Hey, Run DMC. 0.98

00:36:12.000 A boat like that you just showed, that's going to run you maybe 200 grand.

00:36:17.000 The car you showed is maybe 40 grand.

00:36:20.000 So we're up to 240.

00:36:22.000 You found a million in that wallet.

00:36:24.000 You're good, dude.

00:36:25.000 You got $750,000 left.

00:36:28.000 But he sent it back to Santa.

00:36:30.000 Yeah, the postman's just going to take it.

00:36:32.000 Look, it's an unwritten rule, and I'm fine with this.

00:36:34.000 In fact, I have a card in my wallet that says, if found, take all the money, and I will give you an additional $200.

00:36:42.000 I think everybody should do that right now.

00:36:43.000 Everyone, Christmas wish list.

00:36:46.000 Here's what we want you to do for Christmas.

00:36:48.000 Find any card, put it in a very noticeable spot in your wallet, like maybe above your driver's license, there's a card there that just says read this.

00:36:57.000 And then write, if found, take all the money.

00:37:02.000 I don't care if there's a thousand bucks in there, dude.

00:37:04.000 Take all the money, and I will give you an additional $200.

00:37:10.000 That's perfect.

00:37:11.000 Believe me, it's more than $200 worth of time to get your social security number back, your driver's license, all those credit cards, all that shit.

00:37:18.000 Takes forever.

00:37:20.000 And then give a number.

00:37:21.000 Call your wife's number, whatever.

00:37:22.000 That's the best idea I've ever heard.

00:37:24.000 That's the best idea you've ever heard.

00:37:26.000 Yes.

00:37:27.000 What about if we were to merge atoms and destroy them in order to, you know, create this sort of massive energy?

00:37:36.000 And the energy would equal the mass that we destroyed times the speed of light squared.

00:37:44.000 The symbols!

00:37:48.000 We got a new one.

00:37:50.000 See what I'm saying?

00:37:52.000 Cannot wait to use that in context.

00:37:54.000 Okay, what about this one?

00:37:55.000 Santa's beard, they might be giants.

00:37:57.000 I don't know if they were giants.

00:38:00.000 Each time she comes on.

00:38:02.000 Yeah, that's a good one.

00:38:07.000 They might be giants.

00:38:11.000 Once a year, my friend puts on a red suit and hangs around with me in my pie.

00:38:18.000 Now I can't help but feeling jealous each time she climbs on his knee and she stands beneath the mistletoe screaming for him to stand beneath the mist.

00:38:31.000 Okay, here's a good band that I discovered while making this list, this Christmas list for you.

00:38:38.000 And I've never really heard much about them before or since.

00:38:41.000 I think they might be Scottish.

00:38:42.000 I'll look them up.

00:38:43.000 The band is Frightened Rabbit.

00:38:46.000 And the super awesome jam I'm talking about is called It's Christmas, so we'll stop.

00:38:58.000 Oh, I remember.

00:38:58.000 I think the guy in the band died.

00:39:02.000 Scott Hutchinson.

00:39:03.000 He killed himself.

00:39:06.000 It's Christmas, so we'll start.

00:39:10.000 It's time with the lights to warm the dark.

00:39:13.000 It can cloak elsewhere.

00:39:17.000 As the rod stops for today, let the rod stop just for the day.

00:39:24.000 Only good red.

00:39:25.000 I'll pause.

00:39:27.000 So that's the singer, John Hutchinson.

00:39:29.000 He died at the age of 36.

00:39:31.000 You can tell how troubled he is just by his voice.

00:39:32.000 He's Glaswegian, another Gleskikilli. 1.00

00:39:36.000 And Hutchinson was reported missing by Scottish police and the members of Frightened Rabbit on 9th of May 2018.

00:39:43.000 He's last seen leaving a hotel.

00:39:44.000 Hutchinson had tweeted, Be good.

00:39:46.000 Be so good to everyone you love.

00:39:48.000 It's not a given.

00:39:49.000 I'm so annoyed that it's not.

00:39:50.000 I don't live by that standard and it kills me.

00:39:52.000 Please hug your loved ones.

00:39:54.000 Followed by, wait a minute.

00:39:55.000 Sorry.

00:39:55.000 Let me rephrase that.

00:39:58.000 Be so good to everyone you love.

00:40:01.000 I snow, Kevin.

00:40:02.000 I'm so annoyed that I snow.

00:40:04.000 Oh, didn't you live by that standard and it absolutely kills me?

00:40:07.000 Please hug your loved ones.

00:40:09.000 I'm away now.

00:40:10.000 Thanks.

00:40:11.000 That was the last thing they heard from him.

00:40:14.000 And then the Chief Inspector of Police of Scotland reported they were searching for the area around Forth Road Bridge in Hutchinson and were trying to contact two individuals.

00:40:22.000 Police discovered a body at 8.30 p.m. in the Port Edgar region near South Queens Ferry.

00:40:28.000 It was confirmed that it was that of Hutchison.

00:40:30.000 No immediate death was disclosed.

00:40:33.000 Reason for death.

00:40:35.000 Huh.

00:40:36.000 There are no words to describe the overwhelming sadness and pain that comes with the death of our beloved Scott.

00:40:41.000 This is a good day, by the way, to get together with people that you care about.

00:40:45.000 And if you know of someone who's alone today, give them a call.

00:40:49.000 Have them over.

00:40:51.000 They'll appreciate it to no end.

00:40:53.000 I know it's a little late.

00:40:54.000 It's Christmas Day, but we still got plenty of oohers to go and say hello to people.

00:40:59.000 See that guy you held a grudge with?

00:41:01.000 Give him a call.

00:41:03.000 I'm doing a funny accent to hide the fact that if I get too sincere here, I will cry.

00:41:07.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:41:08.000 I can feel my eyes tearing up.

00:41:10.000 I like the fact that I could just not speak sometimes.

00:41:12.000 I get choked up pretty easy.

00:41:13.000 Or my fag.

00:41:15.000 No, but like, remember that girl at our house last year?

00:41:18.000 Her parents aren't around.

00:41:20.000 And we just called her and said, come on down.

00:41:23.000 That's very nice.

00:41:23.000 I can call her this year, though.

00:41:27.000 Well, you could.

00:41:29.000 I guess so.

00:41:30.000 She's not going to fly up, though.

00:41:32.000 But to know he is no longer suffering brings us comfort.

00:41:34.000 Reading messages of support and hope from those he has helped, blah, blah, blah.

00:41:37.000 I wonder what he did.

00:41:39.000 And then his last, last, last tweet was, I'm away now.

00:41:43.000 I'm away now.

00:41:44.000 Yeah.

00:41:45.000 Scott John Hutchison.

00:41:47.000 I'm away now, thanks, it says.

00:41:50.000 Probably heroin, right?

00:41:52.000 I mean, but if you're not found drowned, it's a suicide heroin then.

00:41:55.000 Because it says, I'm away now.

00:41:56.000 So it's like, that sounds like a goodbye.

00:42:00.000 That's suicide, man.

00:42:01.000 Or maybe suicide by heroin, but suicide nonetheless.

00:42:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:42:04.000 Well, suicide.

00:42:05.000 Heroin is suicide.

00:42:06.000 Truth.

00:42:07.000 It's like juggling chainsaws.

00:42:08.000 You know, something bad's going to happen.

00:42:11.000 That's true.

00:42:13.000 I can't find anything on how he did it.

00:42:15.000 Anyway, let's get back to that song now that we've added a really depressing layer to it.

00:42:21.000 And the cold will hide its face.

00:42:24.000 Now the cold's turned away.

00:42:28.000 We can be best friends with the people we hate.

00:42:31.000 Cause we've all got a lot.

00:42:35.000 And it's warmer than you think.

00:42:38.000 Yeah, it's warmer than this.

00:42:42.000 We all breathe like you better to give the least speech.

00:42:49.000 Not better than ever again So life might never get better than that It's a perfect excuse for our nature's to change and wear shiny clothes Oh, it's Christmas so it's all for you Look, I made myself cry.

00:43:08.000 Oh no!

00:43:09.000 Let's get our money's worth.

00:43:13.000 Yeah!

00:43:14.000 Let's get our money's worth.

00:43:20.000 That's the thumbnail.

00:43:26.000 Oh, okay.

00:43:28.000 You know why I cried just then?

00:43:30.000 Why?

00:43:31.000 Because I thought of people playing this song at Christmas on my recommendation.

00:43:36.000 And then two brothers who were fighting about Trump or something, something political.

00:43:46.000 And it was looking like they were never going to get over it.

00:43:48.000 And then one of them just puts his arm around the other's shoulders.

00:43:53.000 And they say, and that, they don't say anything, but that just says our relationship is more important than anything else.

00:43:58.000 Whew.

00:44:01.000 I'm talking bad.

00:44:07.000 You hug on to the day for the last few seconds you pray.

00:44:13.000 Now I'm all fucked up.

00:44:16.000 Alright, what about this one?

00:44:18.000 Withered by Wonderful Lie.

00:44:20.000 What is it called?

00:44:24.000 Withered Hand.

00:44:26.000 No, the band is Withered Hand and the song is Wonderful Lie.

00:44:31.000 They say we used to know someone who used to know someone who used to say we're in love.

00:44:40.000 Oh, God.

00:44:43.000 Oh, God.

00:44:50.000 I came to your house with big holes in my trousers.

00:44:55.000 We'd sit on your bed when your father allowed us to speak and you spoke to me.

00:45:03.000 But my physiognomy, you gave me away every time.

00:45:09.000 I was losing my mind in my PCQ.

00:45:13.000 I've seen you undressing.

00:45:15.000 This one isn't talking about a guy dying.

00:45:21.000 Changes everything.

00:45:22.000 All right.

00:45:22.000 That one's pretty good.

00:45:23.000 Throw that in the mix.

00:45:24.000 Jim White?

00:45:25.000 Try this one.

00:45:25.000 Jim White Christmas Day.

00:45:26.000 Jim White Christmas Day.

00:45:42.000 So this is just more like ambiance you have while you're doing the dishes.

00:45:45.000 Where in the world did you come from, my dear?

00:45:53.000 These are all super sad.

00:45:56.000 Well, that's the mix.

00:45:57.000 I'm going in a mix, right?

00:45:58.000 You're not going to play run DMC Hollis Queens after all these tear jerkers.

00:46:03.000 This is the time where you reflect.

00:46:06.000 Yeah.

00:46:06.000 I've heard this.

00:46:10.000 I don't wanna see Here's a good one.

00:46:14.000 The Decemberists, please, daddy, don't get drunk at Christmas.

00:46:21.000 Don't you think there should be a thing where you can just email a playlist to someone from Spotify?

00:46:26.000 I heard you can share your...

00:46:29.000 I know, but I think you have to be part of my club.

00:46:39.000 Because now it's saying like find friends and stuff.

00:46:42.000 You could screenshot it, and then there's an app that turns anything into a PDF.

00:46:47.000 They still have to hunt around.

00:46:49.000 Yeah, it does stink.

00:46:50.000 See what your friends are playing, find friends.

00:46:52.000 It should just be an email.

00:46:53.000 Yeah.

00:46:53.000 It should be a tiny URL I can send to someone.

00:46:57.000 If you want, I'll transcribe it and send it out.

00:46:59.000 I've already got it transcribed.

00:47:00.000 Oh, okay.

00:47:01.000 So you got the Decembrist play, Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk?

00:47:04.000 Yep.

00:47:04.000 Mama stays, As you can see, You came in, caught up.

00:47:14.000 Okay, let's do one more sad one, and then we will get fun again.

00:47:21.000 So let's try Suf Jan Stevens.

00:47:24.000 That was the worst Christmas ever.

00:47:34.000 It's not on Spotify anymore.

00:47:35.000 What?

00:47:36.000 Music I'm going to hear it for this one, but he's not related to Cat Stevens, is he?

00:47:53.000 Sometimes you'll be able to tell that when someone doesn't answer you, I think I got it.

00:47:59.000 Shoveling snow in the driveway, driveway.

00:48:07.000 Taking our shoes, riding a sled down the hillside, hillside.

00:48:17.000 Can you say what you want?

00:48:20.000 Can you say what you want to be?

00:48:25.000 Okay, so let's have some fun now.

00:48:29.000 There was a British punk band, kind of an oi band, called the Boys.

00:48:35.000 And they would record Christmas songs as the Yobbs.

00:48:40.000 A Yob is... 0.96

00:48:42.000 I don't know what the acronym stands for, but it's...

00:48:47.000 Yob etymology.

00:48:50.000 A Yob is like a soccer hooligan. 1.00

00:48:53.000 Here we have a youth, a British slang hooligan lout.

00:48:58.000 Oh, we don't see why.

00:48:59.000 What it comes from?

00:48:59.000 Hooligan Laut.

00:49:01.000 Dead End Yobs Dead End Yobs Oh, just pause.

00:49:12.000 Yob comes from boy backwards. 0.92

00:49:15.000 Oh, okay, right, right.

00:49:16.000 You're not a boy, you're a yob. 1.00

00:49:18.000 that's why the boys, the band, the boys would call themselves the Yabs for Christmas.

00:49:21.000 All right, so this one is called...

00:49:31.000 sucks so far This wouldn't be on my list if it wasn't good.

00:49:41.000 So I presume it's going to get good.

00:49:43.000 All right.

00:49:53.000 Uh, there's the whole album, so maybe this isn't the one that rules that is that link the whole album.

00:50:00.000 Um, the song is C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S like separated with dashes.

00:50:07.000 Oh, you put the wrong song on.

00:50:10.000 Okay, got it.

00:50:12.000 C is for your little clit when I go down beneath. 1.00

00:50:24.000 H is for your cubic head that stick between my teeth. 0.99

00:50:30.000 R is for your ventum.

00:50:34.000 All right, so that's the jam.

00:50:36.000 Let's try the Vandals Hang Myself from the Tree.

00:50:39.000 Another fun zinger.

00:50:41.000 What am I?

00:50:46.000 Well, he is sick.

00:50:51.000 He is sick.

00:50:58.000 Boy to the world.

00:50:59.000 Are you sure you're not playing the goddamn album again and not the goddamn song?

00:51:09.000 That's weird.

00:51:10.000 The image has a seek?

00:51:15.000 Christmas reminds me I have nothing.

00:51:20.000 That can't be the Vandals, dude.

00:51:24.000 Hang myself from the tree, the Vandals.

00:51:27.000 I know, but that's not what they sound like.

00:51:29.000 And that's not OI.

00:51:31.000 Let me see.

00:51:34.000 The Vandals hang myself from the Tree.

00:51:35.000 Almost official video.

00:51:39.000 I'm wrong.

00:51:42.000 You're right.

00:51:44.000 Oh my god.

00:51:44.000 I remember the Vandals being a much more raucous band.

00:51:47.000 Yeah, they toned it down for little Christmas songs.

00:51:49.000 Alright, don't put that on your list.

00:51:51.000 Yeah, that song sucks.

00:51:53.000 And last fun one, It's a Wonderful Life by Fishbone.

00:52:19.000 *Music* Okay, that's enough.

00:52:33.000 That's just fun to have on your list.

00:52:35.000 I was never really a big Fishbone fan.

00:52:38.000 You know, I saw them once and they said, This is a huge celebration.

00:52:41.000 Together we are celebrating heterosexuality.

00:52:45.000 And they kind of got in a bit of trouble for that, but it was just the straight pride parade. 0.98

00:52:50.000 Fishbone couldn't do that today.

00:52:52.000 They could never say such a thing.

00:52:53.000 All right, let's end this with a hit by the band called Fear.

00:52:58.000 Fuck Christmas.

00:53:01.000 Yeah.

00:53:02.000 I'm not fucking around.

00:53:04.000 That's pretty hardcore.

00:53:07.000 Ooh.

00:53:12.000 Don't despair just because it's Christmas.

00:53:20.000 Children there are so gay at Christmas. 1.00

00:53:28.000 All the children of the street hope they get so gay. 1.00

00:53:34.000 This song really blows too.

00:53:36.000 It's kind of a dirge.

00:53:38.000 Does it get better?

00:53:39.000 Jump ahead.

00:53:41.000 That's it.

00:53:41.000 There we go.

00:53:42.000 Fuck business, fuck business, fuck business, fuck business, fuck business, fuck business, fuck business, fuck business.

00:53:51.000 Damn.

00:53:51.000 We should end on a high note.

00:53:53.000 Let's pull up fear on Saturday Night Live where John Belushi had been to CBGB's in Max's Kansas City and said, I love this new thing everyone's talking about called punk.

00:54:03.000 And so he said to Lauren Michaels, hey man, can we get some punk rockers on the show? 1.00

00:54:09.000 You have all these other bands.

00:54:10.000 Let's get some punk rockers. 1.00

00:54:12.000 And he said, sure, John, whatever you want.

00:54:13.000 Okay, let's bring this band Fear.

00:54:15.000 They're from L.A. And they have a great song about how New York sucks.

00:54:20.000 New York's all right if you like rats in the subway.

00:54:22.000 New York's all right if you like saxophones.

00:54:26.000 Just pause.

00:54:28.000 And so John Joseph of the Cro-Mags was just a young teenager at the time. 0.99

00:54:32.000 I think this is 83, so he probably was 15.

00:54:35.000 And they said, bring all your punk friends and do this moshing thing that you talk about.

00:54:41.000 And don't play it small.

00:54:44.000 I want full-on anarchy chaos.

00:54:47.000 Like, let's destroy the place.

00:54:48.000 That's what Jim Belushi said to John Joseph.

00:54:50.000 And John Joseph said, careful what you wish for, dude.

00:54:54.000 And they totally trashed NBC Studios.

00:54:56.000 They called the cops.

00:54:57.000 The police came.

00:54:58.000 They were running down the fire escapes, escaping from cops.

00:55:02.000 It was, sounds like one of the funnest nights in history.

00:55:04.000 And I'll tell you what, if I get a time machine, I know I'm supposed to kill Hitler, but I think I'd rather go to this. 0.99

00:55:11.000 Is that bad?

00:55:12.000 That I'd rather be at the funnest concert ever than murdering babies?

00:55:16.000 Yes.

00:55:19.000 They look very frightening, but they're really very nice.

00:55:22.000 Our Halloween, I guess.

00:55:24.000 And by the way, tonight, look out for surprises.

00:55:28.000 Ladies and gentlemen, fia! 0.98

00:55:33.000 Yeah, they look really scary.

00:55:34.000 Yeah.

00:55:42.000 I think Ian McKay is there for Minor Threat.

00:55:44.000 *Cheering*

00:55:53.000 Way heavy on the stage diving back then.

00:55:55.000 Oh, shit all night.

00:56:01.000 Beep, beep, beep.

00:56:02.000 Beep, beep, beep.

00:56:04.000 That's not New York's all right.

00:56:09.000 There's probably two performances.

00:56:12.000 This is a five-minute thing.

00:56:16.000 New York's all right.

00:56:26.000 Hey! 0.99

00:56:26.000 Right there, they're making fun of us for having saxophones in all our songs. 0.99

00:56:29.000 Is that why it was like doo-wopping in the front? 0.99

00:56:32.000 Yeah.

00:56:33.000 This is an anti-New York song.

00:56:41.000 You became a successful actor leaving.

00:56:44.000 All right, that's enough.

00:56:44.000 Leaving.

00:56:45.000 Anyway, folks, you got a lot out of us today.

00:56:47.000 We cried thinking about you and your family, particularly your relationship with your brother.

00:56:54.000 I don't know why that was so emotional, but when we're listening to a man who killed himself after making a bunch of sad songs, we think either Scotland really sucks or you're a troubled individual that is indicative of the huge suicide problem we have in this country, especially among middle-aged white men like me, dads.

00:57:14.000 I'm not that sad.

00:57:16.000 No sad dad?

00:57:18.000 Today, I'm not a sad dad.

00:57:20.000 But today is about your family.

00:57:21.000 It's about relaxing.

00:57:22.000 These are some good jams.

00:57:24.000 I'm going to somehow manage to get the whole list on this site.

00:57:26.000 I'm not sure how I'm going to do that without transcribing everything.

00:57:28.000 A little disappointed in Spotify for not making it easier.

00:57:32.000 But relax, have some fun.

00:57:34.000 Don't get too wasted.

00:57:36.000 And please don't fight.

00:57:38.000 It's Christmas.

00:57:39.000 I don't want to fight tonight.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 25, 2019

S02E104 - CHRISTMAS HITS

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Summary

Transcript