Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS [2020-03-31 - S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS]

00:00:14.000 Okay, let's drop it. 1.00

00:00:21.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on yes. 1.00

00:00:24.000 Let me ride on your knees. 1.00

00:00:27.000 I've been waiting for you so take me to the street.

00:00:33.000 I got the line. 1.00

00:00:36.000 I'm gonna fuck you like my phone. 1.00

00:00:39.000 Let me put this in the middle. 1.00

00:00:40.000 Cut to the video.

00:00:45.000 I got my legs open so much.

00:00:48.000 I wanna feel you deep inside.

00:00:51.000 That's the best one.

00:00:59.000 I don't.

00:00:59.000 Bye.

00:01:00.000 Play it again. 1.00

00:01:02.000 Listen to the fuck. 1.00

00:01:04.000 Let me fuck you with my heels on yes. 1.00

00:01:07.000 Let me ride on your kingdom. 1.00

00:01:10.000 I'll be waiting for you. 1.00

00:01:12.000 Take me to the springs on my fucking. 0.99

00:01:16.000 I got a lot of people. 1.00

00:01:17.000 Imagine a woman wanting to fuck you that bad. 1.00

00:01:21.000 Come on. 1.00

00:01:23.000 Let me see your dick pic. 1.00

00:01:28.000 I got my legs open so wide. 1.00

00:01:33.000 Come on.

00:01:34.000 Babe, you know what?

00:01:35.000 I'm dead.

00:01:40.000 I can see you guys.

00:01:42.000 What is it that made Lady Saw become religious? 1.00

00:01:47.000 It was right after that song. 1.00

00:01:49.000 Did she fuck too many times? 1.00

00:01:50.000 Maybe she had too much sex and she got a bunch of STDs and she maybe did crack. 1.00

00:01:58.000 Because sex is better on crack. 0.99

00:02:00.000 So she wasn't getting laid that much because she's a two. 1.00

00:02:04.000 And then she started getting laid a lot because of that song and she got money and everything.

00:02:10.000 And then she started smoking crack.

00:02:11.000 And then crack became nuts because all these porn stars, you know why they're either faking it or they're actually loving it because they're on meth. 0.98

00:02:20.000 You're watching meth addicts get disgusting. 0.96

00:02:24.000 So I'm guessing that's what happened to her.

00:02:27.000 And she had a coming to Jesus moment where it was either continue down this road on the ocean or find God and get your life together.

00:02:38.000 She found God and got her life together. 0.99

00:02:39.000 Why does everyone shit on Christianity so much? 1.00

00:02:41.000 Christianity, religion has caused more death. 1.00

00:02:45.000 Yeah, Islam has caused a lot of death. 1.00

00:02:48.000 Christianity saved a lot of fucking lives. 1.00

00:02:51.000 A lot of lives. 1.00

00:02:54.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:02:56.000 You'll notice, by the way, that this setup is what?

00:03:00.000 10% worse than what we had in Manhattan?

00:03:05.000 You're welcome.

00:03:07.000 And doesn't this show how much more skilled and professional and talented we are over Samantha B, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Conan O'Brien? 0.99

00:03:22.000 All of their shows suck. 0.95

00:03:25.000 What, you couldn't go to your office and grab a TriCaster? 1.00

00:03:29.000 You couldn't grab a couple cam, one camera.

00:03:31.000 We use one camera here.

00:03:32.000 We have one camera, a TriCaster, a makeshift soundboard, and three computers. 0.99

00:03:38.000 You can't just load that into your fucking car and drive it out to the burbs to a guy's apartment. 1.00

00:03:44.000 The fuck's the matter with you? 1.00

00:03:45.000 And they're still reading from cue cards. 1.00

00:03:48.000 It looks so corny.

00:03:49.000 They're reading.

00:03:50.000 They've probably got the wife or something scrolling with their thumb on an iPad doing the lines. 0.99

00:03:57.000 It looks pathetic. 1.00

00:03:59.000 Pathetic. 1.00

00:04:00.000 I kind of stole this point from Crowder, too. 1.00

00:04:03.000 Crowder was saying, we can see now how much late night sucks, how talentless they are.

00:04:08.000 They're getting emailed their jokes from their team.

00:04:12.000 Isn't that proof you're not funny if 14 people have to write your jokes for you?

00:04:18.000 Like, I guess Mariah Carey has everyone write her songs, but say you were a comedian on stage and you didn't write your jokes and 14 people busted their ass to make you funny and you would just read the jokes that they provided with a teleprompter. 0.96

00:04:33.000 You'd be known as a hack. 0.80

00:04:34.000 You'd be some Saudi prince whose daddy bought him a comedy career.

00:04:37.000 That's what they are.

00:04:40.000 Let's see Stephen Colbert's stand-up just raw or Conan O'Brien.

00:04:44.000 Actually, Conan O'Brien went on a comedy tour, didn't he?

00:04:47.000 But still, that was likely pre-written jokes. 1.00

00:04:53.000 Speaking of absolute fucking losers and sex addicts who need to turn their lives around, I was watching 600 Pound Life the other day, and I don't know. 1.00

00:05:03.000 I think I might be losing interest in it. 1.00

00:05:04.000 It's the same every episode, the same disgusting human beings. 0.96

00:05:09.000 I saw one with this chick, Lupe, and her husband was cheating on her. 1.00

00:05:16.000 Well, yeah.

00:05:18.000 What would you like him to do?

00:05:20.000 Is it really cheating when your wife becomes 900 pounds? 0.61

00:05:25.000 Like, didn't she leave the relationship first? 0.75

00:05:29.000 What do you think?

00:05:32.000 I mean, say someone's a heroin addict and they're just sitting there shooting up and they're like, hey man, can I borrow 20 bucks? 1.00

00:05:39.000 Are you cheating on that person if you fuck someone else? 1.00

00:05:44.000 Yeah, there she is. 1.00

00:05:46.000 How dare he cheat on her?

00:05:52.000 I love you so much.

00:05:53.000 I give so much to this relationship.

00:05:56.000 And you give back nothing.

00:06:00.000 She looks like Big Ed from 90 Day Fiancé. 1.00

00:06:03.000 They both look scrunched.

00:06:12.000 My weight is taking a toll on my heart, my kidneys, my liver, my legs, everything.

00:06:18.000 I don't know why I'm surprised that they're always self-indulgent on this show.

00:06:22.000 Yeah.

00:06:23.000 You ate so many cupcakes, you became one.

00:06:26.000 Of course they're self-indulgent, Gavin.

00:06:28.000 What do you think they are?

00:06:29.000 Selfless?

00:06:30.000 Because of my weight. 1.00

00:06:30.000 Like this, poor bastard. 1.00

00:06:32.000 You're diabetic, you don't say what scares me the most is that my chins will fail again. 1.00

00:06:38.000 Yeah, I've already got into a diabetic coma, and there was so much fat around my neck, it was suffocating me.

00:06:45.000 So they had to do a tracheotomy just so I could breathe while I was unconscious.

00:06:50.000 Do like a chin tuck right here and then put the trache in because even with the ventilator, I still need it.

00:06:58.000 I just clutched my pearls.

00:07:00.000 Oh my lord.

00:07:03.000 I walked into the yarn.

00:07:05.000 I never walked out.

00:07:06.000 Here's what I don't get.

00:07:07.000 I think I may have said this before in the show.

00:07:09.000 Yeah, this is when I watched last night.

00:07:12.000 I'm 200 pounds.

00:07:13.000 I'm in pretty good shape. 0.80

00:07:14.000 I haven't been to the gym since this bullshit, but I'm in pretty good shape. 0.95

00:07:18.000 I don't think I could walk around with two gavs. 1.00

00:07:21.000 Like a gav here and a gav here. 0.99

00:07:23.000 I now have to get up off the couch with these two guys and walk over and like take a piss, take a shit, get up, get in the shower with two gavs, wash all three of our butts. 1.00

00:07:35.000 I don't think I'm strong enough. 1.00

00:07:37.000 And this weak fat overweight piece of shit certainly isn't. 1.00

00:07:42.000 Am I the only one who thinks of skull fucking whenever you see these couples? 1.00

00:07:46.000 Because I don't think he can make it to the vagina, right? 1.00

00:07:50.000 I guess you could say intimacy is impossible. 1.00

00:07:53.000 Her head is muffin topping.

00:07:56.000 This is way harder. 0.79

00:07:57.000 This is like Milo saying, the only thing more disgusting than this is when they don't smell. 1.00

00:08:03.000 Because it shows someone is cleaning their fucking folds. 0.99

00:08:06.000 Oh, I like the touch with the blue and the red in the window. 0.99

00:08:11.000 So intimacy is impossible, but he cheated on her.

00:08:14.000 You made intimacy impossible.

00:08:15.000 You literally left him no choice.

00:08:19.000 Look at that.

00:08:23.000 That's all because of my weight. 0.99

00:08:25.000 You've been cursed.

00:08:26.000 Who did this to you?

00:08:28.000 Can we sue them?

00:08:30.000 It was the food companies.

00:08:32.000 They did it.

00:08:34.000 We guys got to do that.

00:08:35.000 I'm wondering if we should wait till we can get like cameramen and stuff, or we should just try to do it ourselves.

00:08:40.000 We've done a great job of this.

00:08:41.000 Maybe we'll do a great job of our 200-pound life. 0.99

00:08:44.000 Maybe we should stop talking about it and just fucking do it. 1.00

00:08:46.000 So looking at her, disgusting. 1.00

00:08:49.000 And it is disgusting. 0.96

00:08:50.000 Okay? 0.89

00:08:51.000 I want to see some of these fat positive people get shown a picture of Lupe and have to go, yes, it's just different.

00:09:00.000 Okay, but is it beautiful?

00:09:02.000 Is it remotely conceivable that that's beautiful?

00:09:05.000 Yes, it is.

00:09:07.000 Yes, sir.

00:09:08.000 They wouldn't, all of a sudden their eyes start darting around the room.

00:09:10.000 Yes, it is.

00:09:11.000 It's fantastic. 1.00

00:09:13.000 Okay, go fuck her then. 1.00

00:09:15.000 Go crawl into bed with the human cupcake. 1.00

00:09:18.000 But anyway, speaking of human cupcakes, the way her head is scrunched reminds me of Big Ed. 0.76

00:09:23.000 And I sent you that meme in the email.

00:09:25.000 This was the other show I watched. 0.99

00:09:27.000 And I find this show much more interesting because 600 Pound Life is really just the same asshole again and again and again with different body. 0.99

00:09:34.000 And the body looks the same in every one. 0.98

00:09:36.000 But 90 Day Fiancé, Big Ed from 90 Day Fiancé looks like someone dropped a cinderblock from a three-star building onto Stuttering John's.

00:09:46.000 You know what's funny about that?

00:09:48.000 I've stopped reading at Cinderblock and sent that to you.

00:09:51.000 I didn't even get to Stuttering John, but it is.

00:09:54.000 I think he must have a disability, this guy.

00:09:58.000 And the beauty of 90 Day Fiancé is there's like 17 different couples you're following at the same time, and they're all totally different. 0.99

00:10:08.000 I mean, they're all fucking losers, but they're all totally different types of losers. 0.99

00:10:13.000 And let's be honest with ourselves. 1.00

00:10:14.000 The reason we watch these shows is because they make us feel good about ourselves.

00:10:17.000 Like when I saw this 60-year-old last night going to the train station to meet a Ukrainian who's definitely not there, I felt like the fawns. 0.96

00:10:25.000 I was like, every time I go to meet a chick, she exists.

00:10:28.000 I must be cool.

00:10:31.000 After I met my soulmate on Instagram, he's a hunk.

00:10:36.000 I have never met Varya in person.

00:10:38.000 So I've decided to go to Russia.

00:10:41.000 Want to hear your voice and to see you.

00:10:45.000 You want to say hi?

00:10:46.000 Okay, just pause. 1.00

00:10:48.000 This one is such bullshit. 1.00

00:10:52.000 She lives in Yonkers, which is near us in Westchester. 1.00

00:10:55.000 It's a shithole. 0.98

00:10:58.000 I have friends in Yonkers. 1.00

00:10:59.000 I know they're watching right now.

00:11:01.000 You'll concede that it's not the nicest place on earth.

00:11:04.000 I think DMX is from Yonkers.

00:11:06.000 But anyway, she's from Yonkers. 1.00

00:11:08.000 She's got some stupid disease with bone marrow and stuff. 1.00

00:11:11.000 She's clearly just playing the field so she can be on reality TV. 1.00

00:11:15.000 She's not a lesbian. 0.96

00:11:16.000 She's a lug, a lesbian until graduation. 1.00

00:11:18.000 And she's taking advantage of this poor, stupid Australian lesbian who thinks she's going to get some of this sweet tits. 1.00

00:11:24.000 But fuck is she beautiful? 1.00

00:11:26.000 I think she's an eight. 1.00

00:11:27.000 Although her body is very panini sandwich.

00:11:30.000 She has like an Asian chick's body. 1.00

00:11:32.000 No offense, Ryan.

00:11:33.000 Panini sandwich.

00:11:34.000 Somebody from across the world, and that's somebody.

00:11:38.000 Smoke show, huh? 0.98

00:11:40.000 And then this is that's the lesbian. 1.00

00:11:43.000 This one is boring. 0.92

00:11:44.000 I didn't really watch this one.

00:11:46.000 He's a celebrity in Nigeria.

00:11:48.000 No, he's not.

00:11:52.000 He's a celebrity in Nigeria.

00:11:54.000 First of all, that's an oxymoron.

00:11:57.000 I did not think I would find love on social media.

00:12:00.000 Williams, he'd just say hi.

00:12:02.000 He'd put a rose beside my name.

00:12:04.000 Oh.

00:12:04.000 I mean, how can you not fall in love with somebody to do that to you every day?

00:12:08.000 How lonely are you when someone puts a rose next to your name?

00:12:12.000 Okay, so this chief, right?

00:12:14.000 He's got a super hot ex in Knoxville.

00:12:17.000 Oh, there's Big N. Just pause.

00:12:19.000 This is too much at once.

00:12:21.000 He's got a super hot chick back in Knoxville, Tennessee that would love to have him. 1.00

00:12:24.000 But instead he goes to Russia.

00:12:26.000 You know who you can get in Russia?

00:12:29.000 Anyone.

00:12:31.000 Anyone at all.

00:12:32.000 Walk down the street in Russia and just go, you?

00:12:34.000 And she go, oh, thank you so much.

00:12:36.000 I can't wait to go to America. 0.99

00:12:38.000 Same with fucking Thailand. 0.99

00:12:39.000 Like, I understand why this guy is in, well, maybe he's in the Philippines. 0.99

00:12:43.000 Where's that?

00:12:45.000 What's the place where they have the president who's killing all the drug dealers? 0.99

00:12:51.000 He's a total awesome Nazi guy. 0.97

00:12:54.000 He's like Pinochet.

00:12:57.000 I think it's the Philippines.

00:12:58.000 Anyway, he goes to the Philippines, And that makes a lot more sense to me.

00:13:02.000 Although, even in that scenario, like, she's not that attractive.

00:13:05.000 She's like a 5.9 or something. 0.96

00:13:09.000 Yeah, that's the guy.

00:13:11.000 He's the boss of the Philippines, right?

00:13:13.000 Yeah.

00:13:14.000 Filipino president Duterte.

00:13:16.000 Filipino boss.

00:13:17.000 Awesome.

00:13:18.000 Awesome, dude. 0.99

00:13:20.000 There he is, kicking ass and taking names. 0.98

00:13:23.000 Well, they have a lot to deal with there. 1.00

00:13:24.000 They have a lot of major prostitution problems. 0.99

00:13:26.000 I think this chick may have been a prostitute. 1.00

00:13:28.000 But even with both of those things come on, let's say she used to be a prostitute, right? 0.98

00:13:31.000 And I understand that he represents America and a green card and her son can have a life and money. 0.94

00:13:37.000 Even with all that, he's still a two. 0.99

00:13:41.000 Like, is America worth fucking a two for the rest of your life? 1.00

00:13:45.000 Maybe she's been a prostitute for so long that she can just lie underneath anyone and doesn't feel anything. 1.00

00:13:52.000 So sure, I don't care. 0.97

00:13:53.000 He could be anyone.

00:13:54.000 But I don't know.

00:13:55.000 You still have eyeballs.

00:13:57.000 You still have friends.

00:13:58.000 Ugh.

00:14:00.000 Honest with Rose about my appearance.

00:14:04.000 You like?

00:14:07.000 Did she say yes or no?

00:14:09.000 I don't know.

00:14:09.000 That was like a yes.

00:14:10.000 I'm not exactly honest with Rose about my appearance.

00:14:14.000 You like?

00:14:18.000 He's five feet tall.

00:14:20.000 He's got to grow a beard and have a suit on.

00:14:23.000 He has no shoulders.

00:14:25.000 Look, you got to create the illusion of shoulders, shoulderless gentlemen. 0.99

00:14:29.000 And this bitch, she's what? 1.00

00:14:30.000 An 8.2? 1.00

00:14:31.000 Why is she going to the third world to find a man? 1.00

00:14:34.000 I'll fuck her. 1.00

00:14:36.000 His time with women. 1.00

00:14:37.000 Saw your phone had 68 text messages.

00:14:40.000 That means I'm busy.

00:14:43.000 You've never even seen this man. 0.98

00:14:45.000 I'm totally uninterested in the black chick. 1.00

00:14:47.000 He said the camera's broken so he can see me, but I can't see him. 0.88

00:14:51.000 Yeah, no, boring, boring, boring.

00:14:54.000 And this one's boring, too.

00:14:56.000 Like, he clearly just wants you for your money.

00:15:02.000 This one's interesting.

00:15:03.000 He didn't feel comfortable.

00:15:05.000 Okay.

00:15:05.000 I don't trust Tom.

00:15:07.000 I feel like he's a good one. 1.00

00:15:07.000 Look what she did to her fucking face, though. 1.00

00:15:09.000 You have to tell me. 1.00

00:15:10.000 She's ruined herself. 0.90

00:15:12.000 I'm worried about you.

00:15:14.000 I don't think it's safe to go.

00:15:16.000 With my health condition, a common cold can kill me.

00:15:19.000 It's such a risk.

00:15:20.000 Why are you doing this?

00:15:23.000 What ethnicity is that?

00:15:24.000 I cannot deal with it.

00:15:26.000 All right, so can we fast forward a bit?

00:15:27.000 I'm mostly interested in Big Ed.

00:15:29.000 I want to see Big Ed.

00:15:32.000 There he is.

00:15:33.000 Wait, what's his job?

00:15:35.000 Photographer?

00:15:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:15:37.000 Booch Alice.

00:15:38.000 Nice.

00:15:40.000 I think someone involved.

00:15:44.000 I'm from San Diego, California.

00:15:47.000 And I am a professional photographer.

00:15:49.000 Oh, my God.

00:15:50.000 Right there.

00:15:51.000 Beautiful.

00:15:51.000 Right there.

00:15:52.000 That's perfect.

00:15:53.000 Oh, my God.

00:15:54.000 Nice, nice.

00:15:56.000 Nice.

00:15:56.000 Hold on.

00:15:57.000 I actually gave myself the name Big Ed.

00:16:01.000 Yeah, I know.

00:16:02.000 Perfect.

00:16:03.000 Because I have a huge personality and it makes me feel tall.

00:16:07.000 That's the money.

00:16:11.000 Look at this.

00:16:12.000 What disease is that?

00:16:13.000 And by the way, folks at home, if you have this disease, grow the biggest beard imaginable.

00:16:18.000 Like, grow it out to here.

00:16:20.000 And then we just need a blazer to deal with this bizarre turtle shell body and pants, and I think we'll be okay. 1.00

00:16:27.000 You can hide a lot of your disgustingness, you fucking freak. 0.99

00:16:32.000 By the way, he's not a photographer. 1.00

00:16:33.000 He has girls come by and he takes pictures of them for free and gives it to them for their portfolio.

00:16:39.000 And then he has this big litany of hot girls that no one hires him to use. 1.00

00:16:44.000 He has no function in society other than blowing his dad's inheritance, shooting hot chicks. 0.99

00:16:50.000 That's the money. 0.98

00:16:51.000 Nice.

00:16:52.000 Also, it's funny because I'm not tall.

00:16:55.000 Yeah, we got it.

00:16:56.000 Good job. 0.99

00:16:58.000 How could you be so shitty on the outside and on the inside? 0.98

00:17:01.000 I'm kidding. 1.00

00:17:03.000 No.

00:17:04.000 My height is something that I'm very self-conscious of.

00:17:07.000 But it's something that I've been able to overcome because I'm big head.

00:17:11.000 You guys agree.

00:17:12.000 You haven't overcome it, dude.

00:17:13.000 You went to the third world to get a date.

00:17:15.000 Teddy, this is not about you.

00:17:18.000 Teddy is my best friend.

00:17:20.000 Let's hear more about Teddy.

00:17:22.000 Good boy.

00:17:23.000 I cannot think about it.

00:17:25.000 Okay, fast forward.

00:17:26.000 See if he can get to the Ukrainian. 0.99

00:17:28.000 Is this the last episode?

00:17:29.000 Says that he bought lunch for his Filipino girlfriend.

00:17:34.000 That'd be funny if when she moves, the first thing she does is cook him a beautiful feast. 1.00

00:17:40.000 And he's like, where's Teddy, by the way?

00:17:43.000 No, do we have the Ukrainian guy?

00:17:45.000 Maybe it's not in this episode. 1.00

00:17:48.000 Oh, what a fucking. 0.99

00:17:49.000 Do you know he puts mayonnaise in his hair? 1.00

00:17:52.000 No, I think people are saying that as a joke.

00:17:53.000 No.

00:17:54.000 He really does?

00:17:55.000 There's an episode where he moisturizes his scalp with mayonnaise?

00:17:59.000 He's mayonnaise.

00:18:00.000 So this is hitting a commercial right here, so I'll let that play, mute it.

00:18:04.000 Okay.

00:18:04.000 And find that clip for you.

00:18:06.000 Yeah, he looks pretty good for 60.

00:18:09.000 And I was looking at his hair last night, and I'm thinking, is it possible to be 60 and to have dark brown hair?

00:18:18.000 A full, full head, like way more than me.

00:18:21.000 Nothing suspicious happening up here at all.

00:18:24.000 Zero.

00:18:25.000 And not one gray hair anywhere at the age of 60.

00:18:29.000 Basically Ryan's hair at 60.

00:18:32.000 I don't think that's possible.

00:18:33.000 I know I've definitely never seen that.

00:18:35.000 I hang out with 60-year-olds.

00:18:37.000 I go to the Knights of Columbus.

00:18:38.000 There are a few who have held onto their hair. 0.99

00:18:41.000 Few 70-year-olds, few 60-year-olds, I know, but it's fucking white as a ghost. 0.98

00:18:46.000 I don't know any old dude with dark brown hair. 0.99

00:18:52.000 By the way, this is an informative news show, isn't it?

00:18:56.000 It's a lifestyle show.

00:18:58.000 We also have a fun guest on the show tonight, Survival Steve.

00:19:02.000 I think he had to change his name from Survival Steve.

00:19:04.000 I know him as Survival Steve, but I believe now he's called Wilderness Steve because a Minecraft character is called Survival Steve and it swallowed up all his Googles.

00:19:13.000 You got to be pretty popular to compete with Minecraft.

00:19:17.000 What about that shitty version you had that had the picture of it?

00:19:19.000 No, we don't need other, Well, I guess you can show me Survival Steve.

00:19:25.000 Thanks.

00:19:25.000 Yes.

00:19:29.000 We have another one.

00:19:29.000 Because I wanted To ask him, I wanted to break down exactly what we should do if it's Armageddon and our house burns down and we're stuck in the forest fighting for our lives, unarmed.

00:19:41.000 That's a little piece I added in, although you know we'd all be armed.

00:19:45.000 And I want to prioritize, you know, hunting. 0.99

00:19:48.000 Oh my fucking God. 0.99

00:19:51.000 What? 1.00

00:19:51.000 You don't like David Lee Roth? 1.00

00:19:52.000 That's a disease.

00:19:54.000 Now I feel bad.

00:19:55.000 I'm getting ready to get on a plane and go meet Rose, the love of my life, for the very first time.

00:20:03.000 How are you getting ready?

00:20:04.000 I'm so excited.

00:20:04.000 Oh, there's Britain.

00:20:05.000 Because I also bought a ring and I plan to ask Rose to marry me.

00:20:11.000 To marry me?

00:20:12.000 Oh, look how much that is.

00:20:14.000 Oh, Lord.

00:20:15.000 Doesn't that make you want to barf?

00:20:17.000 Since I met Rose, I want to look young for her.

00:20:22.000 So I have dry my hair and it irritates my scalp.

00:20:29.000 So I found out that mayonnaise makes it smoother and less dry.

00:20:35.000 I don't think you need quite that much, dude.

00:20:37.000 I'm self-conscious.

00:20:38.000 Say that was true.

00:20:39.000 I'm sure a tablespoon would be sufficient as opposed to two cups.

00:20:47.000 31 years younger.

00:20:49.000 Rose, I start on eating bite. 1.00

00:20:52.000 If I was Rose's dad, I'd say, fuck the green card. 1.00

00:20:54.000 You can do better than that. 1.00

00:20:56.000 And she could.

00:20:57.000 She could get someone that's not a freak, like a Barnum and Bailey circus freak who gets drunk and puts mayonnaise in his head.

00:21:06.000 This isn't the guy I want, though, Rye.

00:21:10.000 Remember when we first started looking?

00:21:12.000 No, not that guy. 1.00

00:21:13.000 It's the same bullshit, but at least this guy's met the fucking girl. 1.00

00:21:18.000 It might not be in this particular episode. 0.99

00:21:20.000 Remember when we were preparing for the show, you pulled up an episode that I didn't like because it had stickers on it and shit?

00:21:28.000 That one.

00:21:30.000 We haven't even begun the show yet.

00:21:33.000 We have Wilderness Steve.

00:21:34.000 We also have a nice collection of screaming feminists. 1.00

00:21:39.000 Then we'll take a brief look at our daily Tiger King fix.

00:21:44.000 Then there's the mailbag.

00:21:45.000 And of course, we end with a fantastic video. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Fucking losers. 1.00

00:21:52.000 I gotta say, though, I watched this at about 12.30 and then I went to bed. 1.00

00:21:56.000 And my dreams were just dirty.

00:21:57.000 Oh, go back.

00:21:58.000 Go back.

00:21:59.000 That's the girl that the Texan guy, the southerner dude, the Knoxville, Tennessee guy. 0.91

00:22:04.000 Not her, but the one that you saw on the phone.

00:22:06.000 That's the one he let go to go find a Ukrainian. 1.00

00:22:10.000 Yeah, there she is. 1.00

00:22:11.000 Look at her.

00:22:15.000 I can't hear it.

00:22:18.000 There's still ads planned from our TLC.

00:22:22.000 Wait, well, delete that.

00:22:23.000 We're not watching that anymore.

00:22:24.000 Okay. 0.99

00:22:30.000 And make this bigger so we don't see the stupid stickers. 0.98

00:22:33.000 Timing was never our trend. 0.98

00:22:38.000 But I know that you still have time there.

00:22:44.000 You went to Russia?

00:22:47.000 You're a handsome guy with some muscles. 1.00

00:22:53.000 And she's helping him deal with this relationship because he found out that the Russian is, believe it or not, still meeting other dudes, talking to other Americans online that are sending her shit. 0.99

00:23:04.000 Well, what do you know? 0.99

00:23:06.000 But keeps going through that episode. 1.00

00:23:07.000 You got to see this fucking dude. 0.99

00:23:09.000 I'm sorry to drag this out, folks. 1.00

00:23:11.000 But I'm indulging myself.

00:23:13.000 Don't worry about blowing it up.

00:23:15.000 Just worry about the brown-haired guy.

00:23:17.000 Well, you have a great day.

00:23:19.000 And I'll chat with you again soon, okay?

00:23:22.000 Thanks.

00:23:26.000 There he is.

00:23:27.000 There he is.

00:23:31.000 Okay, how is a 60-year-old have this hair?

00:23:36.000 Right?

00:23:38.000 That can't be real.

00:23:39.000 Anya.

00:23:40.000 Or you think wig?

00:23:41.000 Yeah.

00:23:43.000 Hi, how are you doing?

00:23:46.000 Anya is the one real friend that I had to get.

00:23:48.000 I guess it could be white hair dyed brown.

00:23:52.000 And she knows all about my history with Lana.

00:23:55.000 Just stop.

00:23:56.000 Just for the right.

00:23:57.000 This is my favorite one by far.

00:23:58.000 And believe me, it's worth it.

00:24:00.000 He's been dating Lana.

00:24:01.000 That's not Lana.

00:24:02.000 That's just someone he happens to know in Ukraine. 0.98

00:24:03.000 I don't know who the fuck knows anyone in Ukraine, but he's been dating Lana for seven years. 0.98

00:24:09.000 Twice they've tried to meet up, once at a cruise, once in, I don't know, Azerbaijan or some shit. 0.99

00:24:15.000 This is the third time. 0.76

00:24:16.000 He just went to the train station.

00:24:18.000 She didn't show up.

00:24:19.000 And he was really psyched, and he had a ring and everything.

00:24:22.000 So he's meeting a friend now to ask what he should do next. 0.95

00:24:25.000 And she's a rational, intelligent human being who says, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:24:31.000 All about my history with Lana.

00:24:34.000 So what's happened?

00:24:37.000 So you know that I was here to see Lana.

00:24:41.000 Yeah.

00:24:42.000 I was at the train station yesterday and she didn't show up.

00:24:47.000 Really?

00:24:48.000 Yeah.

00:24:48.000 Yeah, I was only too surprised.

00:24:50.000 I looked everywhere.

00:24:52.000 She said she was going to arrive in a blue dress.

00:24:54.000 I never saw a blue dress.

00:24:56.000 I'm so sorry about this.

00:24:59.000 It's just like a cripplingly low IQ, right?

00:25:03.000 That's what all this show has in common.

00:25:04.000 Everyone there has an IQ of, I would say, like below Ryan's, like 70.

00:25:11.000 It's a 69, 70, 71 IQ range.

00:25:15.000 That's what we're seeing here.

00:25:16.000 71.

00:25:17.000 Because every other rational person would just go, oh, I have this supposed girlfriend in Ukraine. 1.00

00:25:23.000 It's probably bullshit. 1.00

00:25:24.000 It's been over a week. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Not seven years.

00:25:32.000 Seven years.

00:25:33.000 Before, why do you think this time she will come?

00:25:36.000 Well, before there were always reasons, I thought.

00:25:40.000 Do you think it's normal?

00:25:45.000 She's not serious.

00:25:48.000 It's really crazy that David is totally in love and he doesn't see what is going on.

00:25:53.000 Maybe she didn't show up because somebody's exactly like our black guy.

00:25:58.000 Exactly. 0.97

00:26:00.000 For the money, they're fake, they're not real, they're just lying.

00:26:07.000 I've got him on the chat site, and she's not logged in right now.

00:26:13.000 I fear that something happened to her, something's wrong with her.

00:26:17.000 That's what happened.

00:26:18.000 She was kidnapped.

00:26:19.000 So, I really think that what I want to do is drive out to her city.

00:26:24.000 Imagine Roger Stone on this show.

00:26:27.000 I was trying to meet her, but she said she would be wearing a blue dress.

00:26:32.000 Of course, she wasn't there.

00:26:34.000 So, I would look for her.

00:26:36.000 I opened up a garbage can lid to see if she was hiding.

00:26:41.000 That's a fun thing to do.

00:26:43.000 She was not there.

00:26:44.000 So, I'm forced to believe she's catfishing me and try and find her.

00:26:54.000 Where is Lona living? 0.97

00:26:56.000 She lives in a little city called Pavlograd.

00:26:59.000 Yes, sure, she does.

00:27:00.000 I think it's a little bit strange because you don't know exactly her address.

00:27:06.000 I think I do.

00:27:08.000 We're going to take last year.

00:27:11.000 She had to give me her address for the registration, and she gave me an address that is in Pavlograt.

00:27:17.000 It's really a long way to go there, and the roads between Odessa and Pavlograt are really very bad.

00:27:23.000 It's a bit dangerous.

00:27:25.000 Maybe it's I don't know, but to stop this. 0.99

00:27:32.000 By the way, just because she sent you an address to register on a bullshit cruise that she had no intention of going on doesn't mean she fucking lives there. 1.00

00:27:39.000 It means she went plop. 0.99

00:27:42.000 Or is she the guy that's running her account?

00:27:45.000 I'm going to be able to ask the questions and get answers is to be in front of her.

00:27:51.000 I'm worried about David.

00:27:54.000 Do you think she likes him and she's just he's not seeing it?

00:27:56.000 Great question.

00:27:57.000 I don't know.

00:27:58.000 I know she's rational.

00:27:59.000 She's probably like, I was interested in him slightly and I would love to go to America, but his IQ is to the point where I'm not sure that he could feed himself and make sandwich and remember to shower and wash.

00:28:12.000 So, for example, he wears wig.

00:28:15.000 And it's very obvious when you see that it is cheap wig.

00:28:19.000 Anyway, that's enough.

00:28:22.000 This is, oh, we're too close on the bookshelf.

00:28:25.000 These women who are doing these rip-offs, too, you know, it's not them. 1.00

00:28:29.000 What happens is they get maybe 800 bucks for a bunch of pictures taken in profile, blah, blah, blah.

00:28:37.000 Then they have to pose with a blank piece of paper that you can then put emails on saying, hey, I got your email.

00:28:43.000 Hi, Darren.

00:28:44.000 I care about you.

00:28:45.000 You just put that on in Photoshop.

00:28:47.000 And then if the guy sticks around, they probably get like $100 a month or less, right?

00:28:54.000 So it's like prostitution in many ways.

00:28:56.000 The pimp is the guy who wins.

00:28:58.000 And it reminds me of this guy I discovered.

00:29:00.000 I'm sorry I didn't prepare him in the notes, but I'm meaning to get to him for days.

00:29:04.000 Jordan Peterson's daughter is dating, quite conceivably, the biggest douche in the world.

00:29:11.000 His Twitter feed has to be seen to be believed.

00:29:14.000 It's him posing in front of cars in his awesome mansion and talking about how rich he is and what a badass he is.

00:29:19.000 He had this tweet where he talked about how I've never seen any of the Star Wars and I have no interests in checking him out.

00:29:26.000 Never have, never will.

00:29:28.000 I'm also a millionaire with a Ferrari who has about 10 chicks madly in love with him.

00:29:34.000 So you can keep your movie.

00:29:36.000 I'll keep my lifestyle.

00:29:38.000 Did you find him?

00:29:39.000 Is that him?

00:29:42.000 What do you got there?

00:29:43.000 No, because she posts a lot of people from getting fit from being fed. 0.91

00:29:49.000 Yeah, no, no, no, look up Jordan Peterson's daughter's boyfriend.

00:29:54.000 Why would you look up Jordan Peterson's?

00:29:57.000 Hmm.

00:30:02.000 Hey, I don't think Cult Leader rapping boyfriend?

00:30:04.000 Yeah.

00:30:05.000 Yeah, Colt Leader. 0.99

00:30:06.000 He's basically a sex trafficker. 0.99

00:30:07.000 Because what he does is he has these. 1.00

00:30:11.000 Who's this clown now? 0.99

00:30:14.000 Wow, she's hot. 1.00

00:30:14.000 Jordan Peterson was on a bunch of fucking meds. 1.00

00:30:17.000 Oh, no, that's... 1.00

00:30:19.000 Some guy talking about... 1.00

00:30:21.000 What happened in that fucking house? 1.00

00:30:22.000 No, that's Owen Benjamin. 1.00

00:30:23.000 Yeah, we know him.

00:30:24.000 This guy is gas central.

00:30:26.000 How weird to have a high-pitched voice and be talking about...

00:30:33.000 Is this him?

00:30:34.000 Mr. Plenty Money.

00:30:36.000 No, there he is.

00:30:37.000 Oh, wow.

00:30:37.000 That's him.

00:30:38.000 Look at him.

00:30:40.000 Has he got his thumb up?

00:30:42.000 He's pointing at the car, yeah.

00:30:43.000 Oh, it's like this.

00:30:44.000 Like, check out what's behind me.

00:30:46.000 A baby blue Bentley.

00:30:47.000 I'd be embarrassed to drive that car.

00:30:49.000 Now, there's a lot of dudes out there who teach pickup art. 1.00

00:30:54.000 I think the accent's fake.

00:30:56.000 I think he's fake.

00:30:57.000 Is he pretend?

00:30:58.000 No, like, I don't know.

00:30:59.000 He's from Chicago.

00:31:01.000 They said he's American British.

00:31:02.000 Something he's, you can see because he gives American British. 0.78

00:31:06.000 Davey Crocco.

00:31:07.000 Let's see.

00:31:09.000 So what he does is he has cam girls.

00:31:12.000 And it's the same thing. 0.50

00:31:13.000 Women are not good at business. 1.00

00:31:14.000 Remember yesterday when we had that woman who's making basically the equivalent of 220 grand a year and had $100 in the bank? 1.00

00:31:20.000 So I think women naturally, when they're in these stupid professions like cam girl or Ukrainian whore, they just sort of go, you handle my, just give me like a nice purse once in a while. 1.00

00:31:30.000 Just like in a marriage, right? 0.99

00:31:32.000 Just make sure there's a roof over my head and I'm safe and you handle all the finances.

00:31:36.000 I don't want to have to worry about that.

00:31:39.000 So what he does is he has these cam girls, and this is him talking, by the way.

00:31:43.000 I'm not, this isn't a theory. 0.98

00:31:45.000 And he says he throws them a few bones and then he rakes in and he goes, oh, during this epidemic, I'm totally raking it in because everyone's at home jerking it and I'm fucking rocking out. 0.68

00:31:56.000 And I give them a mere pittance, but I'm a millionaire. 0.95

00:32:00.000 Andrew Tate.

00:32:06.000 There he is in bed with a super hot chick.

00:32:09.000 Are you sure you got the right guy?

00:32:11.000 Yes, Andrew Tate.

00:32:15.000 That was interesting.

00:32:15.000 Let's see his Twitter.

00:32:20.000 It just goes to show you if you're arrogant and brave, you can be a fucking retarded douche. 1.00

00:32:28.000 Be brave. 1.00

00:32:29.000 You'll still get a Girl as hot as Jordan Peterson's daughter. 1.00

00:32:32.000 Stop working.

00:32:33.000 There he is.

00:32:34.000 Mr. Plenty.

00:32:35.000 Yes.

00:32:36.000 Thank you.

00:32:37.000 Oh, there's the tweet I was talking about.

00:32:39.000 Go down?

00:32:41.000 Never seen Star Wars.

00:32:43.000 Never will.

00:32:43.000 None of them.

00:32:44.000 OMG, you're missing out.

00:32:46.000 Maybe.

00:32:46.000 You're missing out on being a multi-millionaire, which, by the way, is one word.

00:32:50.000 Keep your movie.

00:32:52.000 And there he is at the Bentley dealership standing next to a Bentley.

00:32:55.000 I hope that's yours. 1.00

00:32:56.000 What a fucking shitty color. 1.00

00:32:58.000 Wouldn't you be embarrassed? 1.00

00:32:59.000 Well, not you, but I would be embarrassed to have a baby blue Bentley in my driveway.

00:33:05.000 Keep going.

00:33:07.000 Not your car.

00:33:08.000 It has my last name, Tate.

00:33:10.000 Smoking a Camacho cigar.

00:33:13.000 Imagine you have a Bentley and you argue on Twitter with people who don't think it's yours.

00:33:18.000 Yes, it is.

00:33:22.000 Look at me, man.

00:33:25.000 His steering wheel's on the wrong side.

00:33:27.000 That's weird.

00:33:28.000 You're still bald.

00:33:31.000 You still have less hair than our Ukrainian dream friend. 0.96

00:33:34.000 You cannot buy hair, my friend.

00:33:36.000 Look at this.

00:33:37.000 Look at lifestyle.

00:33:38.000 Evan who's ever watched Star Wars in human history is absolutely dirt poor.

00:33:42.000 No exceptions.

00:33:43.000 Are we still talking about Star Wars?

00:33:44.000 Wait, is this a...

00:33:47.000 Go up there.

00:33:48.000 Go up. 0.61

00:33:49.000 Everyone who's ever watched Star Wars in human history is absolutely dirt poor.

00:33:53.000 No exceptions.

00:33:54.000 Only I can save you.

00:33:55.000 I teach you how to make money online here.

00:33:57.000 And then look at his lifestyle we have. 0.98

00:33:59.000 I thought that was a black dildo. 0.99

00:34:02.000 Right there. 0.98

00:34:02.000 Where? 0.98

00:34:04.000 Let's see the pictures, though.

00:34:06.000 Let's see this awesome lifestyle. 1.00

00:34:09.000 Here I am smoking blunts with girls who have great asses and awesome tits. 1.00

00:34:12.000 I don't know if you're a boob man or a tip man or just a pothead. 1.00

00:34:15.000 I got it all.

00:34:18.000 There I am on my boat, which is super awesome that I just bring four chicks onto. 1.00

00:34:22.000 Here's me simping over here.

00:34:24.000 Here's me simping over there.

00:34:26.000 You know the problem with that thing? 0.99

00:34:27.000 No offense, ladies, but after you're done fucking, which is like, let's go crazy and say half an hour. 1.00

00:34:34.000 That's crazy. 0.99

00:34:35.000 Now you want to, now you want to sit and have a beer and talk to people on your awesome boat and you're stuck with four, oh my God, chicks who are like, can you fucking believe this? 0.99

00:34:46.000 And they're talking about hair and clothes and makeup and photographers and their favorite shows. 0.99

00:34:51.000 And there you are going, please kill me now. 1.00

00:34:54.000 Because with prostitutes, you can send them home. 1.00

00:34:56.000 When you're on a boat, you're stuck. 0.99

00:34:58.000 That's his accountant.

00:35:01.000 This is accountant?

00:35:03.000 Where's Jordan Peterson's daughter in any of these?

00:35:08.000 Because if I was Jordan Peterson's, if I was Jordan Peterson, I'd be super bummed.

00:35:12.000 This is 2019.

00:35:15.000 These are all posted 2019.

00:35:17.000 These are all Star Wars.

00:35:18.000 These are all from the Star Wars.

00:35:20.000 This one is not.

00:35:21.000 So he's retweeting himself.

00:35:23.000 No, but this is all linked.

00:35:24.000 This is all a thread from the Star Wars.

00:35:27.000 Ah, ah.

00:35:27.000 He's like, go ahead and watch your nerd movies.

00:35:30.000 Yeah, Star Wars does suck, but is it an ultimatum? 0.98

00:35:35.000 Either you be a Russian Coke dealer or you watch Star Wars. 0.99

00:35:38.000 All right.

00:35:39.000 Let's get serious here. 0.98

00:35:40.000 We've had too much fucking around. 0.97

00:35:42.000 I want to get to survivalist Steve, Wilderness Steve. 0.97

00:35:46.000 Steve, what's his real name?

00:35:47.000 Clayton?

00:35:48.000 Clater.

00:35:49.000 Clater.

00:35:50.000 And he runs a school, really, in Florida.

00:35:56.000 I don't know where.

00:35:57.000 Pensacola, I want to say.

00:35:58.000 No, it was like Papalapagopoulos.

00:36:00.000 Papalapadopoulos, Florida, where it's a survivalist course.

00:36:04.000 And those are important, not because you learn how to hunt a deer.

00:36:07.000 You're never going to catch a deer.

00:36:09.000 But you'll learn what weeds you can eat without getting chronic diarrhea and what mushrooms you can eat without dying of hallucinations.

00:36:18.000 And I think that's an important thing to do.

00:36:21.000 But I want to talk to him.

00:36:22.000 There he is hanging out with that dude.

00:36:24.000 What's his name?

00:36:25.000 Cody.

00:36:27.000 That's the weird dude who only wears bare feet on his survival show.

00:36:30.000 Cody London.

00:36:31.000 I'm not starting a fire.

00:36:32.000 That's way too hard.

00:36:34.000 But I think it's important to figure out what exactly our priorities are if the world does end and we have nothing but the clothes on our back and the kids by our side. 1.00

00:36:50.000 Let me fuck you with my heels. 1.00

00:36:52.000 Oh, yes. 1.00

00:36:53.000 Let me ride.

00:36:54.000 Survival Steve, are you there?

00:36:57.000 I'm here.

00:36:58.000 Where is there?

00:37:00.000 Here is in Okawaha, Florida.

00:37:02.000 And what are you doing out there?

00:37:03.000 Just surviving?

00:37:06.000 Yeah, typically.

00:37:07.000 I'm socially distancing right now out here watering the hogs and feeding them and watering the garden. 1.00

00:37:12.000 Okay, so you're a rural dude.

00:37:14.000 You're at home.

00:37:15.000 I am.

00:37:17.000 What if we become rural dudes, not by choice?

00:37:20.000 That's what I wanted to get into today.

00:37:22.000 So you take my family.

00:37:23.000 I got three kids.

00:37:25.000 We're in the woods right now.

00:37:25.000 Plop.

00:37:27.000 It's around 40 degrees.

00:37:29.000 Probably go down to 30 tonight, up to 50 in the day.

00:37:32.000 What's the first thing we do?

00:37:35.000 First thing you got to do is maintain a positive mental attitude.

00:37:38.000 That's number one.

00:37:39.000 Keep the kids happy.

00:37:41.000 Tell them, hey guys, this is crazy, isn't it?

00:37:42.000 You know, don't tell them it's bad.

00:37:44.000 It's horrible. 1.00

00:37:44.000 It sucks. 1.00

00:37:45.000 We're going to die. 1.00

00:37:45.000 Just tell them, hey, it's crazy. 1.00

00:37:47.000 But I think we can get through this.

00:37:48.000 Here's what we're going to try to do.

00:37:50.000 You've got to keep that positive mental attitude.

00:37:52.000 Second thing you're going to have to do is create some kind of a shelter that's going to keep you guys warm at night and make sure that if it rains, you're not going to get wet.

00:37:58.000 Because the only thing that sucks more than being freezing cold is being wet and freezing cold.

00:38:02.000 That'll zap it out of you quick. 1.00

00:38:04.000 Okay, so we're here in the northeast.

00:38:07.000 So it's mostly pine trees, some poplars, the odd maple, spruce.

00:38:14.000 Should our lean to just be like a wall like this?

00:38:18.000 No, you actually want to close in the sides a little bit too if you can.

00:38:21.000 So you want to make sure you have a lot of leaves, gather a bunch of leaves that you're going to have around you, and you want to make a bed out of all those leaves.

00:38:27.000 And that's going to insulate you from the cold ground.

00:38:29.000 So the bedding is going to be really important.

00:38:31.000 And if you couldn't build a roof on your shelter, the bedding is going to be most important.

00:38:34.000 You could just take all those leaves, make a huge pile of them, jump in it, and then cover yourself up.

00:38:39.000 And what you're doing is you're creating different pockets of air that create different temperate zones and work like insulation.

00:38:44.000 So that's going to help you stay a little bit warm.

00:38:45.000 But if you could build a shelter, you would actually want like a lean-to-type shelter, or what we call a debris shelter, where you can have a roof that slants down.

00:38:53.000 But then you also want walls on the sides, and you want to cover that with leaves as well.

00:38:57.000 And if you can, somewhere a little bit distant, probably about Five yards away from your shelter because it's made out of a whole bunch of fire tender.

00:39:04.000 You don't want your fire too close.

00:39:05.000 You want to build a fire with a reflection wall to reflect the heat back towards you.

00:39:09.000 Like out of stone.

00:39:11.000 You can use stone.

00:39:12.000 Some people just stick two stakes in the ground over here and two stakes in the ground over here, and then they stack logs up inside those stakes and then tie them together top.

00:39:20.000 And what that does is just creates a wooden firewall.

00:39:23.000 What's on my roof?

00:39:24.000 What is my roof made of?

00:39:25.000 Leaves?

00:39:26.000 They're going to blow away.

00:39:28.000 Well, you would think so, but they actually stay pretty close.

00:39:30.000 If it's going to be windy, you can put your layer of sticks and then you can put leaves and then you can put more branches and sticks on top of that.

00:39:38.000 So that'll help to keep them on there.

00:39:40.000 But it does kind of squish down the insulation a little bit.

00:39:42.000 So if you can, use boughs of like pine trees is really good.

00:39:46.000 Pine boughs are really good for your bedding as well.

00:39:48.000 They're really springy and kind of comfortable to lay on.

00:39:51.000 Pine boughs, aren't those spiky?

00:39:54.000 You would think they'd be a little spiky.

00:39:56.000 On the tips of them, they're spiky, but when you're laying down and you got clothes on, which if it's 40s and going to be in the 30s, you're probably going to have some insulated clothes on anyways, you're not going to feel it.

00:40:04.000 Oh, cool.

00:40:05.000 So the top of, are there pine branches on the top of my lean to?

00:40:13.000 You can't, yes.

00:40:14.000 So you want to have basically.

00:40:18.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:19.000 Yeah.

00:40:19.000 You want to have a variety of stuff.

00:40:20.000 So your uprights hold your trusses that go down at an angle that creates your leaning area.

00:40:24.000 And then across that leaning area, you want to put a whole bunch of sticks going across it to where you can put all the leaves on top and they won't just fall through.

00:40:32.000 Okay.

00:40:33.000 And another good thing about a family of five is we're all going to insulate each other when we're in that pile of leaves tonight.

00:40:38.000 Absolutely.

00:40:39.000 You guys are going to metabolize even as you're sleeping and generate heat that's going to help keep you warm.

00:40:44.000 Okay.

00:40:44.000 You're going to need a pretty big shelter to fit all five of you in, but you don't want it too big.

00:40:48.000 The bigger the shelter, the more cold air can come in.

00:40:50.000 The smaller the shelter, the easier it is to keep your warm air inside.

00:40:54.000 Now, every time I watch Naked and Afraid, the hardest part seems to be starting a fire.

00:41:01.000 It's tough.

00:41:02.000 It's very tough.

00:41:03.000 Even in ideal conditions, I trained with Cody Lundine out in Arizona, and he's a fire master.

00:41:10.000 And he taught me the only guarantee is there's never a guarantee with fire by friction.

00:41:14.000 If your hearth sweat, if there's any humidity in the air, if you drip some sweat off the tip of your nose because you're working really hard at getting that fire by friction set going, all that can put an end to it.

00:41:24.000 So fire by friction is tough.

00:41:26.000 And then a lot of people don't know the basics of building a regular fire, just a healthy, easy-to-light fire that will continue to burn and maintain itself.

00:41:35.000 Yeah, you got to start with the leaves, whatever, the kindling, small, tiny branches, and then slowly work your way up to bigger stuff.

00:41:43.000 Absolutely.

00:41:44.000 I always stick a stick in the ground at an angle, and then I put my tender on top of that, and I call that the mouth of the fire.

00:41:50.000 Fire has to eat, and it has to breathe oxygen.

00:41:52.000 So you got to leave the mouth open so it can get some oxygen.

00:41:54.000 Once I put that stick in the ground at an angle, I put my tender on top of that, and then I teach my students to use the three Ps.

00:41:59.000 You want pencil-led size sticks, and then you want pencil-sized sticks, and then you want pinky-sized sticks.

00:42:05.000 And you'll start with a tender, then a whole bunch of the pencil-led size sticks, then the pencil, and then the pinky.

00:42:10.000 And you want to make sure that before you start your fire, you have all that gathered and piled up and ready to go, as well as your cord wood that you're going to use to keep your fire burning.

00:42:18.000 The last thing you want to do is start it, and then be scrambling to have wood to keep feeding it, to keep it going.

00:42:22.000 You know, a handy way to remember that is under Sharia law, you can beat your wife with a stick about as wide as your pinky. 0.98

00:42:29.000 So that's like a handy way to remember it.

00:42:31.000 I don't know if that's a great way to remember it.

00:42:32.000 Okay.

00:42:34.000 You know, I saw some infomercial that had this thing that has a little keychain, and you pull it out, and it's like a permanent match, and it can't be put out unless you put it back in the chamber.

00:42:45.000 That sounds like the most, like I've got a Leatherman on me at all times, but that sounds like a much more valuable tool is that Firestarter thingy.

00:42:55.000 I love a good multi-tool, Leatherman, Gerber.

00:42:58.000 Both of those make some really good multi-tools.

00:43:00.000 But the little, you're talking about the forever match.

00:43:02.000 And I used to sell those in my store, but I stopped.

00:43:04.000 And the reason is, number one, they take fluid.

00:43:06.000 And even with a little rubber gasket that they come with, a lot of times that fluid evaporates and dries up out of it.

00:43:11.000 It's just like Zippo fluid, same lighter fluid.

00:43:13.000 And it has a little cotton wick on the end of it that you can restuff in there, put a new one, or you can pull it out.

00:43:18.000 But the best fire starter, in my opinion, is the magnesium fire starters.

00:43:23.000 Purefire Tactical makes a great magnesium fire starter that they warranty and guarantee.

00:43:27.000 And I don't like the cheap $3 and $4 rectangular magnesium fire starters.

00:43:32.000 Get the ones that are more pure-grade magnesium because that pure magnesium is a lot easier to shave and a lot easier to light.

00:43:38.000 It burns about 4,000 degrees.

00:43:40.000 Slow down.

00:43:41.000 Slow down. 0.99

00:43:42.000 You sound like porky pig. 0.98

00:43:45.000 The high-grade magnesium, what was the name of the company? 0.99

00:43:51.000 Purefire Tactical.

00:43:52.000 Pure Fire Tactical.

00:43:54.000 And don't get the cheap one.

00:43:56.000 How much is the one we should get?

00:43:59.000 They're about $25 to $30.

00:44:01.000 $25 to $30.

00:44:02.000 Okay.

00:44:03.000 So I'm going to skip the whole like thing.

00:44:05.000 That looks way too hard.

00:44:07.000 I'm going to buy a Pure Fire Tactical.

00:44:09.000 Have that ready.

00:44:12.000 And so I've got the Lean 2.

00:44:14.000 My leaf bed is there.

00:44:16.000 I've built a wall of rock and dirt so we don't light ourselves on fire.

00:44:21.000 Now it's, and we had a good night last night.

00:44:23.000 It was pretty good.

00:44:24.000 We were insulated.

00:44:26.000 Now my kids are getting hungry.

00:44:28.000 And I remember, remember that movie, Into the Wild, the book?

00:44:32.000 Oh, yes.

00:44:33.000 So he was eating some sort of weed that ended up being a diuretic or something, and he died of dehydration.

00:44:40.000 Was that the story?

00:44:42.000 I think he was actually, he became paralyzed.

00:44:45.000 Oh, right.

00:44:48.000 Yeah, I think it caused him to get paralyzed.

00:44:50.000 So it's really important to study the native plants that are in your specific area.

00:44:55.000 Down here in Florida where I'm at, we use pretty much cambium pine bark, heart of palm, like cabbage palm.

00:45:02.000 Right.

00:45:02.000 Cattail is really good.

00:45:04.000 Green briar, muscadine grape leaves and grapes.

00:45:08.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:45:09.000 Cattail, the thing that we used to play with as swords as kids?

00:45:14.000 So it's got the big corndog-looking thing on the top of it.

00:45:14.000 Kind of, yeah.

00:45:19.000 So what you eat, you don't eat the corn dog-looking thing at the top.

00:45:21.000 You find the one that doesn't have the corndog.

00:45:23.000 It's just a bunch of leaves where the cattails are.

00:45:25.000 You spread the outside leaves apart, and then you pull out the middle part, and now at the end, you'll see A white piece about yay long, and you can actually eat that.

00:45:33.000 It's like a mix between cucumber and celery.

00:45:34.000 It's watery like cucumber, tastes a little bit like it, but fibrous like celery.

00:45:39.000 Oh, good.

00:45:40.000 Okay, do you happen to know about the northeast up here?

00:45:46.000 Oh, well, I imagine some of the things that we have here you would have there too, such as pine, and you can eat cambium pine bark.

00:45:52.000 Now, it's not the most palatable thing in the world.

00:45:53.000 It's very fibrous, I'm sure you can imagine.

00:45:56.000 And it tastes like you're eating pine wood.

00:45:57.000 Could sustain you.

00:45:59.000 And you're going to have wild berries that grow there, but berries are tricky.

00:46:02.000 If you're not a professional, don't eat them, just like mushrooms.

00:46:05.000 We teach students that all mushrooms are edible, but some of them are only edible once.

00:46:09.000 And if you don't know which ones are which, just don't do it.

00:46:12.000 Yeah, I don't want to risk it with mushrooms or berries.

00:46:17.000 So now all I'm doing is my family's eating pine.

00:46:20.000 This is getting nervous.

00:46:21.000 I'm getting nervous here.

00:46:22.000 I'm not worried about freezing to death anymore.

00:46:24.000 I'm worried about starving to death.

00:46:27.000 So one of the things that we teach in survival is preparing.

00:46:27.000 Right.

00:46:30.000 Anytime you're going to go out, prepare and take everything that you can possibly imagine you might need with you.

00:46:34.000 The Marines teach two is one and one is none.

00:46:36.000 And we follow that motto as well.

00:46:38.000 We bring a backup of things.

00:46:40.000 But you've got to look at the plant life that's local to your area and find out what's edible around there.

00:46:45.000 Most every neighborhood or city that I've been to has had some type of educational program like Eat the Weeds, where you can actually go out and walk around with someone.

00:46:55.000 They'll take you on a hike and teach you edible weeds and plants that are in the area, like plantain and dandelion and different things like that.

00:47:02.000 Yeah, and I guess with mushrooms, if you're well educated enough, you can eat the psilocybins and then realize, you know, just the adults, realize that we're all living organisms on a planet, each sharing the same oxygen.

00:47:16.000 And God made us with cells where we can see through time and see through space if we only recognize our inner powers.

00:47:28.000 You might could do that, or you might end up fighting dragons and running away from your kids.

00:47:28.000 That's good.

00:47:32.000 So probably not a great idea.

00:47:35.000 The kids start crying because you're fighting an invisible dragon with cattail swords.

00:47:42.000 All right.

00:47:44.000 It sounds like the worst case scenario here is the starving to death part.

00:47:49.000 I'm not really scared of anything else.

00:47:52.000 So the priorities we teach are positive mental attitude, shelter, water, food, and then fire.

00:47:58.000 Fire can bump up in the line.

00:48:00.000 If you need to purify water, you need the fire to do so, then to boil the water, then you need to move fire ahead of food.

00:48:06.000 If it's freezing cold outside and you've got food, but you're freezing, then of course fire is going to take priority over water and food.

00:48:13.000 But water actually comes before food.

00:48:15.000 You can go a couple of days without food without losing your dexterity and your ability to move and function.

00:48:20.000 You can only go a couple of days without water doing any type of strenuous activity such as building shelter and metabolizing and breaking down the food and proteins in your body without water.

00:48:30.000 Your hands are going to start to cramp up or you're going to have to lift your fingers and spread them apart.

00:48:34.000 You're going to get a tension headache in the back of your skull that's brought on by heat exhaustion or dehydration.

00:48:40.000 There's all kinds of things.

00:48:41.000 Down in Florida, we have to worry about a lot of heat exhaustion.

00:48:43.000 Up there, you guys probably got to worry about being cold more than anything.

00:48:46.000 Yeah, we're doing great for water.

00:48:50.000 I used to go tree planting in northern Canada, and the instructors told us, if water's cold and it's moving, you're good.

00:48:58.000 But I've learned recently that's not true.

00:49:02.000 Not true.

00:49:03.000 If you can see the source of the water, where it's coming out of the ground or out of the rock and it's cold and moving, then you're probably safe.

00:49:10.000 In military survival, they teach you to go a mile downstream and check the area because there could be something dead.

00:49:18.000 If you walk a mile upstream and you don't see anything and you drink the water, there could be something right around the bend that you didn't see.

00:49:24.000 You've got to think about the parts per million that are in that water.

00:49:27.000 But then again, we don't recommend drinking any water without purifying it unless you're pretty much looking and knocking on death's door.

00:49:34.000 At that point, yes, you can drink water that you can't purify because if you don't get it into your body, you're probably going to die soon.

00:49:40.000 And it's going to take six to 12 hours for some of those bacteria or those pathogens to give you dysentery anyways.

00:49:46.000 So there is a point where you're eventually going to have to drink the water if you don't have a means of purification.

00:49:50.000 But if you can purify it in any way, that is always recommended.

00:49:53.000 And boiling is by far the best way.

00:49:56.000 Okay, so the message I'm getting here is either take a course or learn about the weeds you can eat or you guys in the Northeast are going to starve to death. 0.58

00:50:07.000 Get some education, get some training.

00:50:07.000 Yes.

00:50:09.000 Once you have it up here, nobody can take that from you.

00:50:12.000 It lightens your pack because you have more knowledge and you can get a lot further with the items you have because you can stretch them out by implementing and what's the word I'm looking for?

00:50:21.000 You know, adding to from nature to the things that you already have.

00:50:24.000 So get some education.

00:50:27.000 Even if you self-educate and you just do some research, that's great because like Cody taught me, the more you know, the less you need.

00:50:34.000 And I noticed we haven't discussed hunting small game.

00:50:36.000 Is there a reason for that?

00:50:39.000 In survival, you don't want to spend your time hunting.

00:50:39.000 Sure.

00:50:41.000 You can get a lot more done by gathering and you can spend time improving your shelter and your living area, putting out passive and active signals for rescue and doing other things if you don't spend time hunting.

00:50:52.000 So what you want to focus on is foraging.

00:50:53.000 And then if you really need proteins and other things, you need more food because you can't forage enough, then you want to go to trapping.

00:50:59.000 You can set 10 to 20 traps per person and those traps will hunt for you during the day and you just check them in the morning and you check them again in the evening and make sure they're all up and working.

00:51:08.000 And if you get something, then you've got food.

00:51:10.000 If you're out actively hunting during the day, you spend a lot of time and a lot of calories hunting.

00:51:14.000 And if you're not proficient with the tool that you're using, say you carve a spear, if you've never thrown a spear in your life, everybody try to go outside and just take a broom handle and unscrew it from the broom and just try to hit something with it, even just dead on.

00:51:26.000 And you'll see that it's almost impossible the first couple of times.

00:51:29.000 So imagine if you're out in a survival situation, you finally found a rabbit, you throw a spear, you miss the rabbit, and it runs off.

00:51:34.000 And there went your food that you spent searching the last three hours for.

00:51:37.000 And if it's something like a deer or any larger prey, you don't just have to hit it.

00:51:42.000 You have to hit it in the perfect spot.

00:51:44.000 Yeah, so a deer, you normally, like when we hunt for a deer with a bow and arrow or with a rifle, you want to hit it in the shoulder if it's broadside to you.

00:51:53.000 And you don't want to hit it if it's quartered to you, but if it's quartered away, you can shoot behind the shoulder. 0.97

00:51:57.000 And a hog, we always tell people shoot them in The ear because their brain's right there in between your ears. 1.00

00:52:02.000 But yeah, you got to hit them in the right spot. 0.99

00:52:04.000 And usually throw in something like a spear, you're not going to penetrate something as large as a deer or a hog, anyway.

00:52:10.000 I would recommend some type of a small, like a, if you stand up and stretch your arm as far as you can above your head and you find a tree that's nice and straight, you can make a spear and a gig out of that tree.

00:52:21.000 You find a nice sapling that's pretty solid.

00:52:23.000 And what you'll do is on the big end of it, you'll carve a very small and sharp point.

00:52:29.000 And you can use that point for force defense against a wild animal or predatory animal should it try to come near you.

00:52:34.000 Most of them you can scare away with sound and by being loud and noisy and telling them, hey, go away.

00:52:39.000 But number one is situational awareness.

00:52:40.000 Pay attention to what's around you so you don't accidentally walk up on a large predatory animal and scare it.

00:52:45.000 But on the other end of that spear, you could create, you take it and split it on the end, split it one way and the other way like a cross or an X, or you can split it multiple times.

00:52:54.000 And then you take little twigs and you put them in between those splits and it'll open it up and you make a gig.

00:52:59.000 So now you can fish or go for frogs and stuff like that with that gig.

00:53:03.000 I've also seen the Indians have a sort of catapult system where they do a kajooy thing with the spear to give it more velocity.

00:53:11.000 Right.

00:53:12.000 It's called an outlattl.

00:53:14.000 And it adds momentum and leverage.

00:53:17.000 You're using science.

00:53:18.000 I mean, even back then, that was their science, but it gives a lot more momentum by using a leverage point to where you can speed that up super fast.

00:53:26.000 And you'll see when it throws, it'll actually wobble in the air a little bit before it straightens out in that slight pattern.

00:53:32.000 But I mean, those guys had it down.

00:53:34.000 I mean, they had to figure out years and years of hunting for animals in the wild.

00:53:38.000 But what are those things called something that you haven't used in practice?

00:53:38.000 They really got it.

00:53:42.000 What's an adelatl?

00:53:43.000 Adelatyl.

00:53:45.000 Okay, sorry to interrupt you.

00:53:46.000 Last question.

00:53:47.000 When you watch Naked and Afraid, what is the most frustrating part of that show for you as a survivalist?

00:53:55.000 Okay, the things that they have people do for ratings, the things that on this is any survival show, the things that they'll have people do to make people laugh or make people think something's crazy.

00:54:06.000 A lot of people take those shows at face value and think that the things that people do on those shows are what you should do in a survival situation.

00:54:13.000 And wrestling an alligator for food or jumping from this cliff to that cliff is not what we call risk mitigation.

00:54:20.000 That's taking an unnecessary risk.

00:54:22.000 They could definitely put your life in danger or at least, at the very least, seriously injure or maim you, which severely decreases your chances of survival.

00:54:31.000 So I hate to see the things that they do on those shows and they put it out there into the public world and then people see it and think that it's something that they should do.

00:54:39.000 Second to that would be the people that get ate up by bugs and mosquitoes when they could just get some mud or some clay and then slather themselves in mud and clay.

00:54:47.000 It doesn't stop the persistent buzzing in your ear that aggravates the bejesus out of you, but it'll at least stop them from penetrating your skin.

00:54:55.000 They also seem to spend a lot of time hunting.

00:54:59.000 They do.

00:55:00.000 I mean, trapping is the way to go.

00:55:02.000 If you've got any kind of cordage or you can make a trapped. 0.98

00:55:06.000 You were saying earlier not to hunt because it burns up too much calories, but naked and afraid, like half the show is some poor bastard with a spear missing. 0.98

00:55:14.000 Yeah, trying to hunt. 0.94

00:55:15.000 And that's, I mean, it's just like I said, it's not ideal.

00:55:18.000 You're teaching society that that's the way to do it.

00:55:20.000 And in a survival situation, you don't want to hunt.

00:55:22.000 It's using up too much calories and too much of your time during the day and setting those traps.

00:55:27.000 Even if you set pit traps, you can set snares, you can set deadfalls, all kinds of traps that you can set.

00:55:32.000 And you spend those calories one time and you let those traps work for you while you're doing other stuff, gathering firewood, foraging for food, getting drinkable water, stuff like that.

00:55:42.000 Okay.

00:55:43.000 This is my takeaway from our discussion.

00:55:45.000 I am going to get a magnesium lighter and some Kansas Chef boy RD, and I feel a lot safer now.

00:55:53.000 I think you'll do fine.

00:55:54.000 You've got the mentality.

00:55:56.000 You're going to educate yourself and prepare yourself the best you can.

00:55:59.000 You'll do great.

00:56:00.000 Thanks, Survival Steve.

00:56:03.000 Hey, no problem, man.

00:56:04.000 Thank you guys.

00:56:05.000 Y'all got any other questions?

00:56:06.000 Just check out the website, NorthFloridasurvival.com or give us a call.

00:56:10.000 Will do.

00:56:11.000 Thanks, buddy. 0.98

00:56:12.000 Sweat my balls off. 0.93

00:56:12.000 Thanks for coming on the show. 0.93

00:56:15.000 I got my legs open so I...

00:56:17.000 Mike! 0.69

00:56:18.000 I want to feed you deep inside.

00:56:20.000 Come on! 0.77

00:56:21.000 I'm kind of jealous that women get to spread their legs during lovemaking. 1.00

00:56:25.000 What if I want to spread my legs?

00:56:28.000 Ride my ding-dong.

00:56:28.000 Make love to me.

00:56:30.000 I have my legs spread so wide, which isn't that wide because I'm not that flexible, but still.

00:56:36.000 Why are women the only ones who get to spread their legs? 1.00

00:56:39.000 I guess you could.

00:56:43.000 I saw this feminist screaming in Seattle. 1.00

00:56:49.000 There's some dude.

00:56:50.000 Now, in her defense, there's these pro-life groups in Seattle.

00:56:56.000 They get on their bullhorns, and I think they go to like 1 a.m. 0.96

00:57:00.000 By the way, I'm an expert in gay face. 1.00

00:57:02.000 This woman is not gay. 0.83

00:57:04.000 She's a chubby Jew who was having trouble getting laid, and then she found this identity, and all of a sudden, she didn't get tons of poon per se, but she started getting attention, and she had a culture and a family.

00:57:17.000 So she's like, all right, I'm gay now. 1.00

00:57:19.000 I just don't like to eat pussy or have my pussy eaten by a woman or a scissor. 1.00

00:57:24.000 But besides the sex part, I'm gay. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Anyway, listen to her have an intellectual discussion with the guy who doesn't want you to kill babies. 1.00

00:57:32.000 Why'd you do that? 0.98

00:57:33.000 Because I can hear you from where I live and I'm fucking tired of it. 0.76

00:57:37.000 Why? 0.93

00:57:38.000 Why are you tired of it?

00:57:39.000 Isn't it a good thing to do to preach the truth of God?

00:57:41.000 It should be loud.

00:57:42.000 It should be loud. 1.00

00:57:43.000 You're fucking loud. 0.99

00:57:44.000 Got to reach a lot of people. 1.00

00:57:45.000 You're fucking too loud. 0.99

00:57:46.000 Got to reach a lot of people. 1.00

00:57:47.000 This is good news.

00:57:48.000 No, you don't.

00:57:48.000 Yeah, I do.

00:57:49.000 People are in danger of hell.

00:57:51.000 babies are being murdered.

00:57:52.000 Oh.

00:57:53.000 Oh.

00:58:00.000 Touching.

00:58:00.000 Why do you think that's a good thing to do, man?

00:58:05.000 No, that's not what you hear.

00:58:06.000 That's not what I'm doing.

00:58:08.000 I'm preaching out here.

00:58:09.000 I'm preaching truth.

00:58:10.000 No.

00:58:10.000 And I'm speaking up for babies.

00:58:11.000 I don't want to hear. 0.85

00:58:15.000 Do lesbians have a lot of abortions or gays? 1.00

00:58:20.000 He wants to go to the eye of the storm where abortion is a real issue, and he goes to a place where men put their dinks in bums and women rub their vaginas Together, or whatever the hell they do. 1.00

00:58:31.000 That's probably the least abortive place. 0.99

00:58:34.000 You want to be in like a trailer park or a black neighborhood. 1.00

00:58:38.000 Why isn't he in the black neighborhood if he's so worried about abortion? 0.96

00:58:41.000 Probably for the same reason that these people who are out to fight hate focus on the proud boys. 0.98

00:58:47.000 Because you know, if you focus on an actual hate group like the Aryan Nations, they'd kill you. 1.00

00:58:52.000 Okay, so she, she, having that reaction, the reason I wanted to make this montage is because it's not unusual.

00:59:00.000 And it shows that women are not cut out for confrontation on the most part. 1.00

00:59:05.000 And you think of women in like the 50s who would never do that.

00:59:08.000 They would just say to their brother or their husband, can you do something about that guy screaming?

00:59:12.000 It's driving me nuts. 0.99

00:59:12.000 But we've called all these women badass, kick-ass bitches. 0.99

00:59:16.000 So they go down and they take on these guys. 0.99

00:59:19.000 And when the guys return fire in a normal way, oh, I'm annoying you.

00:59:23.000 Well, it annoys me, the babies are being killed.

00:59:25.000 They come back with, and you go, that's not helping.

00:59:30.000 Oh, you found the perfect one.

00:59:32.000 This is the first one I ever saw.

00:59:35.000 Whoa.

00:59:37.000 You had to pull down the volume?

00:59:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:44.000 I think she breaks character shortly.

00:59:46.000 The full-grown woman.

00:59:48.000 Oh, yeah, that's yogurt.

00:59:50.000 Yeah.

00:59:51.000 This is why I don't believe in the legalization of marijuana.

00:59:55.000 This is exactly why I don't believe in the legalization.

00:59:57.000 What's the yogurt thing?

01:00:00.000 It's like a chimp. 0.99

01:00:01.000 She's just doing everything but crapping on the floor. 1.00

01:00:03.000 This is what an animal would do.

01:00:04.000 Wait, what's that?

01:00:05.000 A marker she just wrote on the floor?

01:00:07.000 But it was like a pencil. 1.00

01:00:09.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:00:10.000 It was like a crayon. 0.99

01:00:12.000 She doesn't like the Trump sign.

01:00:16.000 There you go.

01:00:16.000 Oh, no.

01:00:17.000 No.

01:00:18.000 Don't make me break characters.

01:00:22.000 Let me get back to work.

01:00:27.000 She's anti-Trump.

01:00:29.000 No, she's anti-sanity. 1.00

01:00:33.000 Yeah, that's her decision, not mine.

01:00:38.000 Yeah, sir, can you make her stop? 0.99

01:00:40.000 Oh, yeah, sure.

01:00:43.000 Okay, so we got one.

01:00:44.000 Now let's do the screaming one. 1.00

01:00:46.000 This chick who looks like a weird albino, she also had to, you know, take on a whole group of people with nothing to say. 1.00

01:00:54.000 this is how she handled it.

01:01:04.000 I'm not even including the one with the reflective gear and the hat who was screaming at the sky after Trump was elected or the whole screaming rally they had where they all screamed.

01:01:14.000 I'm focusing mostly on women biting off more than they can chew and having nervous breakdowns in public. 1.00

01:01:21.000 Is that like Haley Kinison, Sam's daughter?

01:01:23.000 USA!

01:01:30.000 Yellow eyeshadow.

01:01:33.000 Might be jaundice.

01:01:36.000 Now let's go to 15.

01:01:37.000 This is an oldie but a goodie.

01:01:39.000 probably seen this a long time ago.

01:01:40.000 Stop it! 0.99

01:01:45.000 Oh, we should film it.

01:01:47.000 Stop it! 0.99

01:01:48.000 Oh, we should film it.

01:01:50.000 Oh, no.

01:01:53.000 Oh, no.

01:01:57.000 It's on the ground.

01:01:58.000 I think that's food, too, or like chocolate milk or something.

01:02:01.000 Stop it! 0.99

01:02:02.000 Oh, we should go home.

01:02:08.000 And then finally, that was wait, that was, no, there's more.

01:02:12.000 There's two more.

01:02:13.000 There's 16.

01:02:14.000 This was the one that we were talking about a couple weeks ago where they had a mega tranny. 1.00

01:02:19.000 See the mega tranny back there? 0.92

01:02:21.000 And this was the reaction to it. 0.95

01:02:22.000 Get your hands off me. 1.00

01:02:30.000 Hands off me.

01:02:31.000 Hands off me. 1.00

01:02:33.000 Get your fucking hands off her. 1.00

01:02:36.000 Get your hands off me. 1.00

01:02:37.000 It's your fucking hands out there. 1.00

01:02:39.000 Oh, you can clap. 1.00

01:02:43.000 I'm proud of you.

01:02:44.000 You're great, I'm so big. 1.00

01:02:45.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:02:47.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:02:48.000 She has no hands on her. 1.00

01:02:49.000 Hi.

01:02:51.000 Diaper baby.

01:02:53.000 You're a diaper punch. 1.00

01:02:57.000 Pretty civilized, huh? 0.99

01:02:59.000 I'm a fascist radio.

01:03:03.000 What do you say? 0.96

01:03:03.000 a fascist racist? 0.96

01:03:10.000 It goes, you're ugly. 1.00

01:03:11.000 That's a MAGA training, by the way. 0.98

01:03:13.000 And then his comeback is, I'm not ugly.

01:03:16.000 yes All right, finally.

01:03:27.000 I've never seen somebody whose gender is young John Podesta.

01:03:32.000 Finally, let's check out what women do when they are allowed to totally express themselves and not be in a confrontational situation, but just really say what they have to say to the world through their art. 0.94

01:03:47.000 An irreverent feminist manifesto for the 21st century. 0.54

01:03:48.000 We played this before.

01:03:49.000 To that end, it starts with a scream, or it's actually the cast sing screaming.

01:03:55.000 Whether you are an irreverent feminist or not, it does seem to capture some of the spirits of the age.

01:04:00.000 The end of human beings, the awesome statement, perhaps.

01:04:03.000 So have a listen and have a good night.

01:04:06.000 I'm going to have a great night after this.

01:04:08.000 Why don't I play it in my bedroom with candles while I go to sleep?

01:04:14.000 You forgot the word mayor at the end of night.

01:04:17.000 Have a good nightmare.

01:04:21.000 Caterauling.

01:04:25.000 Is this in an alleyway?

01:04:26.000 *Screaming*

01:04:37.000 Wait, there's no rhyme or reason to it either.

01:04:42.000 Imagine you paid tickets for this?

01:04:44.000 Sitting there in a suit?

01:04:45.000 Your wife's so dressed up? 1.00

01:04:52.000 People out there who are considering suicide, don't do it.

01:04:56.000 It's wrong.

01:04:57.000 It'll get better.

01:04:58.000 You have to have faith. 0.99

01:04:59.000 However, If you're determined, you might want to sit in the front row of this and just go, oh, for fuck's sake. 0.98

01:05:08.000 All right, before we get to the mailbag, we have some Tiger King news. 0.97

01:05:12.000 By the way, I think I may have stolen that joke from Nick Swarzen.

01:05:18.000 Nick Swartzen?

01:05:19.000 Wait, what? 0.81

01:05:20.000 Yeah, I think he has a similar bit about just blow your head off for fun. 0.94

01:05:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:25.000 I think I said that.

01:05:26.000 But I got a meme there.

01:05:27.000 Let me see the meme.

01:05:28.000 We should always, the only way we can stay on top of these tiger memes is to show them every day.

01:05:32.000 This one says, face timing my hairdresser to ask how I fixed the cut and color I gave myself.

01:05:42.000 Wow.

01:05:43.000 I think they took some of his earrings out.

01:05:45.000 Girls can be funny. 1.00

01:05:46.000 He usually has four.

01:05:47.000 Maybe they limited him. 0.99

01:05:48.000 How annoying is his fucking dangly eyebrow earring the whole series? 0.99

01:05:52.000 And it's on such loose skin. 0.99

01:05:54.000 I think it's a mole.

01:05:55.000 It's hanging down.

01:05:55.000 I think it's on it.

01:05:56.000 God, I wanted to take that out the whole time.

01:05:59.000 In one or two scenes, he doesn't have it in.

01:06:01.000 And it's a relief.

01:06:04.000 So this is Gwyneth Paltrow is weighing in on Carol.

01:06:04.000 All right.

01:06:09.000 And she also thinks Carol killed her husband.

01:06:13.000 It's funny how Carol Baskin did Tiger King thinking she'd get to expose Joe Exotic and Doc Antleph for animal abuse.

01:06:19.000 Yet, now all of America is obsessed with Joe and thinks Carol is a murderer.

01:06:25.000 That's showbiz, baby. 0.92

01:06:27.000 And then Gwyneth kind of ignores the point.

01:06:29.000 The point of this is when you set it to hurt someone, you can end up, you know, getting blood on your hands.

01:06:35.000 But Gwyneth ignores that point and just takes the interpretation as a fact and says there's no other explanation, but Carol is a murderer.

01:06:45.000 I'm of that mind set too.

01:06:47.000 I lived in Costa Rica for a while.

01:06:49.000 You don't disappear there.

01:06:51.000 It's not a very big place.

01:06:52.000 There's only like five or six cities that people congregate in, and the others are minute.

01:07:00.000 Expats stick out there like a sore thumb.

01:07:03.000 They have their own bars, their own people.

01:07:05.000 You go to, I was in Montezuma, and I knew everyone at Montezuma.

01:07:10.000 I knew the guy who ran the town.

01:07:11.000 I knew the owners of the hotels.

01:07:13.000 We all know each other.

01:07:14.000 If someone gets robbed, we all get together and we have a little posse where we go try to find the guy.

01:07:19.000 Maupais has its own little surf scene.

01:07:21.000 They have their surf cabins they rent out to people.

01:07:24.000 Tambur has its little scene.

01:07:26.000 It's got the airport there.

01:07:27.000 Everyone travels around too.

01:07:28.000 You can do the whole country in like five hours.

01:07:31.000 So everyone knows everyone.

01:07:33.000 It's not a place you disappear.

01:07:35.000 You go to San Jose, you go to like, there's a bar called the Beatles Bar, and you'll meet every white person in San Jose in like 10 minutes.

01:07:42.000 It's not a place you go to vanish, obviously.

01:07:46.000 So the options remain someone kicked him out of a plane over the ocean, or he was killed on the property and buried in a hole.

01:07:56.000 Why would anyone kick him out of a plane if he wasn't a drug dealer?

01:07:59.000 Why would he have rivals of that caliber?

01:08:02.000 Getting kicked out of a plane is like top murder.

01:08:05.000 That's like you work with guys who are selling kilos and kilos of Coke.

01:08:09.000 You're in the big leagues as far as the danger.

01:08:12.000 There's no way he was up there. 0.99

01:08:13.000 So she fucking shot him and dug a hole is my interpretation. 0.99

01:08:19.000 He didn't get eaten by the money. 1.00

01:08:23.000 I think that's too complex.

01:08:26.000 Because as people in the movie point out, there'd be bones, there'd be blood.

01:08:30.000 It's not like it's a magic hippopotamus that just eats your whole body and poos out nothing. 0.99

01:08:35.000 It has to do some tearing and shit. 0.99

01:08:37.000 Right. 0.99

01:08:38.000 Good afternoon, guys.

01:08:40.000 Why do you like that sound?

01:08:42.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:08:43.000 He's so fat and stupid. 1.00

01:08:45.000 Okay, I think we're almost done the show. 1.00

01:08:46.000 it's time to check out the mailbag. 0.99

01:08:51.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad. 0.99

01:08:56.000 Let's turn the breast together's mailbag. 1.00

01:09:01.000 Let me touch it.

01:09:03.000 That's strange.

01:09:04.000 We got about four in the past hour.

01:09:10.000 So I haven't read these yet.

01:09:12.000 Ready?

01:09:13.000 Yep.

01:09:14.000 This is from Evan.

01:09:16.000 Hey guys, my girlfriend looks like a mix between a short-haired Emma Watson, gross, and short Charlize Sarone. 1.00

01:09:23.000 Whatever. 0.99

01:09:24.000 Minus over if Emily's bullshit. 1.00

01:09:26.000 Tell your girlfriend to grow her hair. 1.00

01:09:29.000 At least to say, that look really does it for me anyway.

01:09:32.000 She and I used to have sex multiple times daily when we first met.

01:09:35.000 In fact, she used to beg for it. 0.99

01:09:37.000 Mikey, come on, I'm sweating my balls off out here. 0.97

01:09:42.000 Take your pants down. 0.99

01:09:45.000 I never stop being that attracted to her. 0.97

01:09:46.000 And in fact, I prowl around the house like some lascivious demon. 0.98

01:09:50.000 I thought that would make her feel more desired or more attractive and thus want to have sex with me more. 1.00

01:09:55.000 But she often says that she isn't, that it isn't that she's less attracted to me.

01:09:58.000 She just wants to be more subtle. 0.91

01:10:00.000 She wants me to be more subtle.

01:10:01.000 I don't really know how to do that.

01:10:02.000 We've only been having sex once or twice a week, and I feel like I'm the one causing that.

01:10:06.000 Let me know if you've got any tips.

01:10:07.000 I really like to go back to where it once was. 0.99

01:10:09.000 I want to fuck with my heels on. 1.00

01:10:11.000 Yeah, you just got to take it. 1.00

01:10:12.000 You just grab them.

01:10:13.000 You wrangle them.

01:10:14.000 There's no courtship.

01:10:15.000 There's no talking.

01:10:16.000 There's just a grab.

01:10:17.000 Now, if she's like, no, no, obviously we're not pro-rape.

01:10:21.000 But my advice to you is to just make the decision in your head.

01:10:25.000 This is happening.

01:10:26.000 And then she just goes along for the ride.

01:10:28.000 There's no like, hey, would you, how would you feel about making love?

01:10:32.000 Just sort of like get her up there.

01:10:33.000 And it has to be the right time, right?

01:10:34.000 She can't be like washing the dishes and you come over and she's going, it's just got to be like, come here, come here, come here, doodle-doo. 0.94

01:10:41.000 And then do all that stuff.

01:10:43.000 Just take it.

01:10:44.000 We don't give a damn.

01:10:49.000 Hey, Gavin, I notice you have a nice Biltwell helmet.

01:10:52.000 I recently got an old motorcycle, 74 Honda, and went with a Biltwell helmet myself.

01:10:56.000 I hear they're cool people.

01:10:58.000 Anyway, can you talk about your motorcycle?

01:11:00.000 What kind of bike does the G-Man ride?

01:11:01.000 What you got here on the shelf?

01:11:03.000 Is that a Triumph?

01:11:04.000 Bonus, what kind of bike would you recommend for Ryan based on the type of lad you see him as?

01:11:09.000 This is my bike.

01:11:10.000 It's a Bonneville.

01:11:12.000 I think it's a 2002.

01:11:14.000 It's only 600 cc's, but the guy who had it before me souped it up so much it's more like a 750.

01:11:22.000 Cafe racer, obviously, stripped down to nothing.

01:11:27.000 It's all pretty much original parts, I mean, or Based on original parts, there's no real outside of the performance, it looks exactly like the 2002.

01:11:35.000 And I believe the 2002s were meant to look like the original 1965s.

01:11:40.000 Uh, it runs beautifully.

01:11:42.000 I'm kind of a pussy though on the highway, and when I get over 60 miles an hour, with I have actually a fairing on it now that isn't on this, but it doesn't do anything. 0.89

01:11:51.000 It's just like bloop. 0.99

01:11:53.000 And I get fucking scared. 0.98

01:11:54.000 You hit a pothole and it goes. 0.98

01:11:57.000 And I just get paranoid thinking about skidding out.

01:11:59.000 So I don't enjoy highway riding.

01:12:02.000 I'm more of a tooting around town kind of guy.

01:12:05.000 Now, Ryan is negligent and makes a lot of mistakes.

01:12:09.000 So I don't think he should get a lot of CCs and do a lot of highway riding.

01:12:14.000 I think what Ryan should do is to get maybe even 49 CCs where you don't even need a driver's license for being good at it, if you will.

01:12:24.000 And just peter around his neighborhood.

01:12:26.000 Use it to take a girl to a bar or to go and buy groceries or something that you can put in a backpack.

01:12:32.000 But Ryan should not get a hog.

01:12:34.000 He should get a scooter.

01:12:35.000 Not the kind you sit on like a mod.

01:12:37.000 I mean like a moped.

01:12:39.000 A moped.

01:12:40.000 That's how guys talk to one another.

01:12:42.000 Did you see the bike, by the way, Ryan, that he included?

01:12:45.000 Actually, did he send that just to you?

01:12:47.000 Because I do not have that one.

01:12:48.000 No, it went to the mailbag.

01:12:50.000 His name is?

01:12:51.000 Mailbag at free speech.tv, which we don't have.

01:12:53.000 Oh, okay, that's why. 0.99

01:12:55.000 But it is a fucking beautiful bike. 0.99

01:12:58.000 Oh, that's a cafe racer, right? 0.99

01:12:58.000 Let's see. 0.99

01:13:03.000 Seven's kind of gay. 0.98

01:13:05.000 The number seven in general? 0.97

01:13:06.000 Yeah, like, what are you in a race?

01:13:08.000 You wish you're in a race?

01:13:09.000 What?

01:13:10.000 You like the number seven?

01:13:11.000 My buddy sent me a beautiful Ducati just like an hour ago.

01:13:16.000 Wonderful.

01:13:17.000 This is a...

01:13:20.000 I'm going to email you this Ducati.

01:13:22.000 Stunning. 0.99

01:13:23.000 I'm not a Ducati guy usually, but man, this thing is a fucking supermodel. 0.99

01:13:28.000 My problem with motorcycle riding too is it makes you fat. 0.98

01:13:33.000 Like if you take your bicep, I took my bike to Ryan's apartment, and that's about a 40-minute ride.

01:13:41.000 And that's good for me.

01:13:42.000 That's good exercise.

01:13:44.000 But if you just take your hog all summer, just and never ride your bike, you end up having to buy all new pants.

01:13:51.000 And that's really why I like to stay slim, to avoid having to buy new pants.

01:13:56.000 Here's one from Jake.

01:13:58.000 Okay, it's a series of tweets.

01:14:01.000 Oh, it's a lot of tweets.

01:14:07.000 Hey guys, this is pretty funny for a number of reasons.

01:14:09.000 One being that Republican men tend to be men and are successful, masculine, and have high sexual body counts full of tons of satisfied women, whereas super liberal men who want the government to control everything are weak, hence why they want someone making choices for them. 0.94

01:14:24.000 But how about this loser trying to be funny and quote-unquote burn Republican men? 0.95

01:14:29.000 A guy who looks like he smells like baby powder and plays with action figures. 0.99

01:14:33.000 This made me laugh out loud. 1.00

01:14:35.000 I want to suck you with my funglasses. 1.00

01:14:37.000 Coming up. 1.00

01:14:39.000 Bam.

01:14:40.000 Drew Horner.

01:14:41.000 Right, but the first picture he shows is, pregnant woman, listen up. 1.00

01:14:44.000 File for the stimulus for your fetus, and you either get paid or Republicans will have to admit a fetus isn't a child.

01:14:50.000 Republican men have no interest in providing women with stimulus, says Dirty Martini.

01:14:55.000 And then Drew says this works on so many levels.

01:14:59.000 Sometimes I'd wish you'd invite a fan of the week onto the show to chat for a bit, and I want to be that guy every week.

01:15:05.000 There are just times I want to be on Instant's show with you guys.

01:15:08.000 I'm currently leveling a void elf shadow priest, Nyxiria.

01:15:13.000 She's my 13th character.

01:15:15.000 I may be an altaholic. 1.00

01:15:16.000 Oh, God, what a fucking loser. 1.00

01:15:18.000 The games. 1.00

01:15:19.000 You know what that reminds me of?

01:15:21.000 The dude who, this is going to be a challenge for you.

01:15:24.000 The dude, the Marvel guy who came up with Snowflake and what's the other world?

01:15:30.000 Safe space.

01:15:31.000 Safe space.

01:15:33.000 That guy is a comic book nerd blogger dude who married a super rich chick. 1.00

01:15:42.000 And she writes books about how great it is to abort babies and women have to be fucking kick-ass and blah, blah, blah. 1.00

01:15:50.000 And I think it's a great example of what birth control can do to you. 0.99

01:15:56.000 Now, when a woman takes birth control, what happens is her body's told she's in the first trimester.

01:16:02.000 Now, what does a woman in the first trimester want? 1.00

01:16:05.000 To get fucked real hard by an Uber mensch? 1.00

01:16:08.000 No. 1.00

01:16:09.000 She wants a male figure that will protect her. 0.51

01:16:13.000 Let me see that.

01:16:16.000 Okay, go down.

01:16:18.000 Stop, stop. 0.92

01:16:19.000 Queerly nerd, no. 0.97

01:16:22.000 Keep going.

01:16:23.000 It's the guy who invented it. 1.00

01:16:25.000 He's like perpetually balding shit. 1.00

01:16:27.000 Yeah, we showed the guy. 1.00

01:16:28.000 And he has little glasses on.

01:16:31.000 Now you're deep into Mariah Carey territory.

01:16:33.000 You're like four posts down.

01:16:35.000 I believe we showed it before.

01:16:37.000 I know, but you're in different posts.

01:16:38.000 Let me see here.

01:16:40.000 He writes about Marvel as a grown man. 1.00

01:16:42.000 But anyway, so you want someone, a man, there, but you don't want him to be a threat because you don't want him to fuck you because you already have a baby. 0.99

01:16:50.000 So you're looking for a sibling type figure, a sexless, weak, kind figure, just like this guy who thinks he's an altaholic. 0.99

01:16:58.000 And I thought, this can't be a coincidence that this woman, the rich girl he married, is totally obsessed with birth control and women's reproductive rights and not ovulating and tricking your body into being in your first trimester.

01:17:15.000 And she's married to the guy who came up with the superhero Snowflake, or at least is intimately involved in the process.

01:17:23.000 Have you got her?

01:17:25.000 It ended badly.

01:17:26.000 That's it.

01:17:26.000 Jennifer Wright, 13 of the worst breakups in history.

01:17:26.000 That's it.

01:17:28.000 So she's a rich girl who could have had a real man in her life, but she focused on birth control and it altered her tastes. 0.98

01:17:35.000 This is what's disturbing about this pattern.

01:17:37.000 It's altering the tastes of women in general. 1.00

01:17:40.000 And then what happens is, I bet she's still on birth control, but they go off it and it's time to have a man. 0.99

01:17:50.000 Oh, this is an article she wrote.

01:17:51.000 Abortion is not murder.

01:17:52.000 Even if we granted the most generous possible terms to the anti-abortion camp, even if we pretended the fetus was fully rational and contemplating Shakespeare in the Womb, abortion would still not be murder.

01:18:04.000 Interesting stance, Jenny. 0.85

01:18:06.000 Sounds like you had an abortion and you're feeling real guilty.

01:18:13.000 So, what happens with these women is they go off birth control, and now that instinct is gone, and they're back to their real selves that crave a real man. 1.00

01:18:25.000 And they look to their right, and they have the guy behind Snowflake and Safe Space.

01:18:30.000 Look him up, Ben.

01:18:32.000 What's his name?

01:18:32.000 Kibble Smith?

01:18:33.000 Daniel Kibblesmith.

01:18:34.000 Daniel Kibblesmith.

01:18:35.000 He's way worse than the person that this author just threw us.

01:18:39.000 That writer. 1.00

01:18:40.000 Look at that fucking guy. 1.00

01:18:42.000 Look at the first picture. 1.00

01:18:43.000 Look at that.

01:18:47.000 I've been a lesbian this whole time.

01:18:49.000 Yeah.

01:18:51.000 Are you even straight if you're a woman and you marry that? 0.86

01:18:56.000 Her poor father. 0.91

01:18:58.000 Look at them.

01:18:59.000 Hi, we're together.

01:19:01.000 That must be their wedding announcement.

01:19:01.000 Here, click on that.

01:19:04.000 You can see how rich she is.

01:19:07.000 So rich girls get woke. 1.00

01:19:08.000 Woke girls take birth control. 1.00

01:19:12.000 And birth control makes you fuck nerds. 1.00

01:19:18.000 What is it? 1.00

01:19:19.000 Killer fashion and deadly garments.

01:19:22.000 She is a daughter of Kathleen Wright and Thomas C. Wright of Kawaii.

01:19:25.000 The bride's father retired as vice chairman of BMO Capital Markets in Chicago.

01:19:29.000 Her mother, who worked in Houston, retired as vice president of ExxonMobil. 1.00

01:19:36.000 Fuck, what a shame. 1.00

01:19:38.000 What a shame that he's a staff writer for Stephen Colbert, Kibble Smith. 1.00

01:19:42.000 Oh, good.

01:19:44.000 Hey, so yeah.

01:19:47.000 Fathers, rich fathers, be careful when you send your daughters to Brown University. 1.00

01:19:51.000 She's going to come out covered in shit. 1.00

01:19:54.000 This is from Steve. 0.99

01:19:55.000 Hey, guys, I thought you were going to that graphic from a few weeks ago with Terrence Howard on the drums into a t-shirt. 0.99

01:20:00.000 I really want to buy that shit. 0.99

01:20:01.000 Please make it happen. 0.99

01:20:02.000 Yeah, we got to do that t-shirt.

01:20:04.000 And we also have to do Champs Gym.

01:20:08.000 Oh, yes.

01:20:10.000 I've also designed a Proud Boys one I want to use to raise money for them.

01:20:13.000 Okay, this is one of the oldest symbols.

01:20:18.000 Hey, Gavin Ryan, big fan of the show.

01:20:20.000 Yada yada.

01:20:21.000 Have you guys seen all these insane, professionally produced, pretty homoerotic bar mitzvah and invitation videos?

01:20:27.000 Me and my buddies came across this rabbit hole one night over some beers, and they're all so weirdly well done.

01:20:33.000 Better than Ryan's editing anyway.

01:20:34.000 And I assume that means better than Charlie's Angels.

01:20:38.000 I know ragging on kids is a gray area, but these are all funded and likely written by the parents.

01:20:42.000 The more you search, the more you see that these seem to be written by the parents or a preset script plus video they buy. 1.00

01:20:48.000 Imagine you survive the Holocaust and then have to watch your grandson do this shit. 1.00

01:20:52.000 I like you more than a friend, Chris. 1.00

01:20:56.000 Oh, I've seen this one before.

01:21:02.000 Shitty lighting.

01:21:06.000 Is this meant to be sexy?

01:21:10.000 I was born 13 years ago in Washington, D.C. Hello, ladies.

01:21:17.000 My mother and my father explain the world to me.

01:21:23.000 Your parents were monkeys?

01:21:25.000 I listened very closely, but I did not agree.

01:21:28.000 Instead, I came up with my own philosophy.

01:21:32.000 Don't tell me I should act like you really hammered at those strings.

01:21:39.000 You stand out in a noisy crowd.

01:21:43.000 You must make sure the heebie cheebies.

01:21:47.000 Now the heebie cheebies.

01:21:49.000 Yes, the hebrew cheebies. 0.98

01:21:51.000 And let's see the Hebrew chewies. 0.99

01:21:57.000 Let's check out the wildest here.

01:22:07.000 Even these people got to get their credits in at the beginning. 1.00

01:22:10.000 Fuck you and your logo. 1.00

01:22:11.000 I'm so sick of this. 1.00

01:22:16.000 Hey, G. Is he on fire?

01:22:20.000 What's burning behind him?

01:22:21.000 A church?

01:22:22.000 Is there two songs happening at once?

01:22:24.000 Is this my fault?

01:22:26.000 Yeah.

01:22:26.000 No, it's not.

01:22:28.000 There's two things going on.

01:22:30.000 Wait, stop.

01:22:30.000 Just press pause.

01:22:32.000 That's all one thing.

01:22:33.000 That's all one song? 1.00

01:22:35.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:22:35.000 It sounds like the torture music they played at Waco to get them to come out. 0.99

01:22:38.000 It sounds like Bill McClintlock had a brain church.

01:22:42.000 Yeah.

01:22:48.000 Come to my bar mitzvah. 1.00

01:22:49.000 We'll blow shit up together. 1.00

01:22:56.000 It's like nine songs just thrown into a big fucking bucket. 1.00

01:23:00.000 I'm the Matrix James Bond. 0.99

01:23:06.000 Okay, that's enough.

01:23:07.000 And then the cringiest is the last one.

01:23:09.000 Shouldn't the parents take these down after?

01:23:13.000 I've got a fur.

01:23:14.000 I drive a black Ferrari.

01:23:14.000 I'm 13.

01:23:17.000 Convertible. 0.99

01:23:19.000 And I kill people for the government. 0.99

01:23:22.000 This is the cringiest, apparently.

01:23:34.000 Why are you watching TV in the middle of the day?

01:23:36.000 I think I'm going to be a ripper when I grow up.

01:23:38.000 What's a ripper?

01:23:40.000 Yeah, you mean Jack the Ripper?

01:23:41.000 Yeah, we're ready to go!

01:23:47.000 Yeah, Patrick, and I'll be your backup singer.

01:23:50.000 What about me?

01:23:52.000 Sure, Patrick.

01:23:53.000 These are very Aryan-looking Jews, aren't they? 1.00

01:23:57.000 Fuck you, assholes. 1.00

01:24:00.000 I'm going to become an anti-Semitic rapper. 1.00

01:24:03.000 The anti-Manas Yahoo. 0.54

01:24:05.000 I'm going to rap for Farrakhan.

01:24:10.000 And have different faces.

01:24:11.000 Hello, everybody.

01:24:12.000 I'm glad you all came.

01:24:13.000 Welcome to my bar, Miss Fo, it won't be lame.

01:24:15.000 The theme is iPod and I am iPet.

01:24:18.000 And you are right here, cause this is where it's at.

01:24:20.000 I play the piano, I play the sex. 0.88

01:24:22.000 We're gonna have fun and go inside the fact. 0.86

01:24:25.000 I am the iPad.

01:24:27.000 Hi, Pat.

01:24:29.000 I am the iPet.

01:24:31.000 Wow, that is very uncomfortable.

01:24:34.000 Yesterday I was a boy.

01:24:35.000 Today I was a paper.

01:24:36.000 Okay, last letter.

01:24:39.000 We need a palate cleanser. 0.97

01:24:40.000 That sucked.

01:24:41.000 Hi, Gary or Gavin and Ryan. 0.99

01:24:44.000 I don't know when you will see Gary again due to the Wuhan flu, but after he was licking the mug and said, suck you with the funglasses, I had an idea. 0.86

01:24:53.000 I hope you all like it. 1.00

01:24:55.000 And then he ends it, I want to suck you with my funglasses. 1.00

01:24:58.000 You saw that, right? 1.00

01:24:59.000 Yeah.

01:25:01.000 There we go.

01:25:02.000 That's amazing.

01:25:05.000 I like the style.

01:25:07.000 Yeah.

01:25:08.000 It's inspiring.

01:25:09.000 All right.

01:25:10.000 That's it, folks.

01:25:10.000 Let's end with a fun video, though.

01:25:15.000 As someone who always gets beat up in the ring, I often fantasize about knockout punches.

01:25:20.000 I've never done one in my life.

01:25:21.000 It's on my bucket list, but it'll probably end up on my fucket list, and I'll end up being the one that gets knocked out again.

01:25:27.000 I've been knocked out quite a few times.

01:25:29.000 But one of the best ways to knock someone out is to deal with drunks.

01:25:33.000 It must feel really good to knock out a drunk.

01:25:36.000 And bouncers get to do it every night. 1.00

01:25:37.000 Here is a manager of a store dealing with some drunken assholes. 1.00

01:25:41.000 I can't tell if this is Russia or Britain. 1.00

01:25:43.000 I think it's Russia. 0.58

01:25:45.000 And they're just trashing the store because they're in a blackout. 0.99

01:25:52.000 Britain's so shitty these days that it looks like Russia. 1.00

01:25:57.000 And Russia is mistaken for Britain. 1.00

01:25:58.000 It's got to be Russia. 0.75

01:26:03.000 So that's the manager in the gray t-shirt.

01:26:05.000 He throws him down.

01:26:06.000 Nice throw. 0.58

01:26:08.000 And he's trying to choke him out a little bit, but he gets kicked by the other bun. 1.00

01:26:11.000 So then he gets up. 1.00

01:26:13.000 He's like, no, no, fuck you guys. 1.00

01:26:15.000 And it's coming up. 1.00

01:26:18.000 Gray t-shirt about to deliver a beautiful knockout. 1.00

01:26:21.000 So he gets hit first and he goes, you fucking son of a bitch. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Oh, you dropped my glasses. 1.00

01:26:26.000 And boing.

01:26:28.000 Hello, boom. 0.59

01:26:30.000 Look at that one.

01:26:30.000 The second, he does two in a row and then catches the collapsing dude and strangles him.

01:26:36.000 Now this guy is not going to recover.

01:26:38.000 Oh, yeah, you got him.

01:26:39.000 A good one there.

01:26:39.000 Go back.

01:26:40.000 We got to see both of them.

01:26:40.000 That was a cute punch.

01:26:42.000 A cute punch?

01:26:43.000 Yeah.

01:26:44.000 There you go.

01:26:44.000 Boop, boop.

01:26:47.000 Bob's your uncle.

01:26:49.000 Boops.

01:26:50.000 Boop.

01:26:51.000 Betty boop.

01:26:52.000 Uh-oh.

01:26:53.000 Another cutie.

01:26:54.000 Another cutesy pie.

01:26:55.000 Look, and they're both like out of it.

01:26:57.000 Oh, don't wreck his glasses.

01:27:02.000 Wouldn't you feel great if you were that guy?

01:27:04.000 It's totally justified.

01:27:05.000 They were trashing your store.

01:27:08.000 Can I buy a fudge sickle to ice my face, please?

01:27:11.000 I'll leave.

01:27:11.000 Where am I?

01:27:12.000 I don't know how you could resist not just doing one more.

01:27:16.000 I guess because that's murder?

01:27:19.000 And you could get in trouble from your boss.

01:27:21.000 You could get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting. 1.00

01:27:25.000 Let me put this pussy on you. 1.00

01:27:29.000 That's right. 1.00

01:27:30.000 Sweat my balls off. 0.99

01:27:33.000 I got my legs open so wide. 0.99

01:27:36.000 I wanna feel you deep inside.

01:27:38.000 Come on, babe, you know I got mad pray.

01:27:42.000 But make me cook it up on you.

01:27:43.000 I'm my friend.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 31, 2020

S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS [2020-03-31 - S02E144 - SURVIVAL TIPS]

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Transcript