Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E166 - NO JUSTICE [2020-05-20 - S02E166 - NO JUSTICE]

00:00:30.000 Did she write that song?

00:00:31.000 I don't think she did.

00:00:32.000 I think it's like a 50s song.

00:00:34.000 Crimson and Clover was a cover.

00:00:37.000 She didn't really write a lot of songs, Joan Chet.

00:00:40.000 She was a pretty good guitarist, but she's also a lesbian. 1.00

00:00:43.000 Isn't it funny how when they show us chicks who can do what we do, they're always dykes? 1.00

00:00:49.000 Oh yeah, you think men are the only ones that can play soccer? 0.96

00:00:51.000 We have women's soccer. 0.90

00:00:53.000 Yeah, but these cool chicks that can do what we do are your most male females. 1.00

00:00:59.000 That have the most testosterone, the most man juice. 0.96

00:01:03.000 Lesbians. 1.00

00:01:05.000 We have the women's NBA. 1.00

00:01:08.000 I would love to hear the percentage of female soccer players and female basketball players that are gay. 1.00

00:01:15.000 My gut says it's 80. 0.81

00:01:17.000 I'll go as low as 75.

00:01:21.000 The reason I chose that song, I was just talking to Michelle Malkin, and she asked me to give a message to Trump at the end of the live stream.

00:01:31.000 She's doing live streams all week with band people.

00:01:34.000 She's in Nick Fuentez, Laura Loomer. 0.99

00:01:36.000 I was today.

00:01:37.000 And we should find a link.

00:01:40.000 How can we...

00:01:47.000 Look at this.

00:01:49.000 What's the link? 0.99

00:01:51.000 X-Player claims 98% of the women in the WNBA are gay and they bully straight players. 0.98

00:01:58.000 Oh, you don't say. 0.88

00:02:01.000 If these people really cared about the things they say they care about, they would hate where they end up.

00:02:06.000 Do you believe all women?

00:02:08.000 Do you want to fight for women's rights? 0.99

00:02:09.000 Are you against domestic abuse?

00:02:11.000 Okay, we should probably focus on where domestic abuse is really at its worst, which is in lesbian relationships. 1.00

00:02:18.000 They kick the shit out of each other. 1.00

00:02:20.000 Or I should say, the top kicks the shit out of the bottom. 1.00

00:02:24.000 But yeah, the message I was saying to Trump on her show is he's very concerned about his reputation. 0.99

00:02:30.000 He cares what people think about him.

00:02:31.000 He has a big ego.

00:02:33.000 And as we learned from talking to Dinesh D'Souza, he gets hurt. 0.84

00:02:41.000 The toughest man in the history of presidents gets hurt, like when he killed that terrorist. 1.00

00:02:47.000 And everyone said, fuck you. 1.00

00:02:49.000 Obama killed Osama way better than you. 1.00

00:02:52.000 Killed that guy. 0.99

00:02:53.000 He hurt me today. 0.99

00:02:55.000 And he goes, geez, I mean, I killed the head of ISIS. 0.91

00:02:59.000 I thought I'd get a whats up, but no.

00:03:04.000 And I think that's why he's so slow on Stone.

00:03:07.000 Stop teasing us.

00:03:08.000 He was saying to Lou Dobbs, I think, oh, stay tuned for what I think is really horrible what they did to Roger Stone.

00:03:15.000 And I saw Lou Dobbs talking about this.

00:03:17.000 He goes, it sounds to me like the FBI colluded with Russia to frame Roger Stone.

00:03:22.000 And that's exactly what happened.

00:03:25.000 Why isn't the DNC in trouble for this?

00:03:28.000 We actually learned today that Barr is probably not going to pursue charges against Biden and Obama.

00:03:35.000 Why do we get investigated for crimes we didn't do and they don't get investigated for crimes they did do?

00:03:41.000 And who do we blame for this?

00:03:42.000 The right?

00:03:42.000 Maybe we should blame ourselves, you know?

00:03:45.000 That we're so easily bullied by pussies, that we're so easily tricked by crappy magicians. 1.00

00:03:56.000 Paper's boring. 1.00

00:03:57.000 Same old shit. 1.00

00:03:59.000 COVID, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:04:03.000 You know how we feel about this.

00:04:06.000 The numbers are 45.

00:04:08.000 Oh, so it's on her Twitter?

00:04:11.000 I even ordered a Japanese school uniform online.

00:04:13.000 Okay, I'm not doing the quick version.

00:04:15.000 So I did how many shows.

00:04:17.000 I'm explaining the Toya Maguchi thing.

00:04:20.000 Proud Boys has got four years in prison for assault with a deadly weapon, meaning Max's boot and the fact that John had a penknife on him and felony gang assault because they're in a gang, which they're not.

00:04:35.000 Anyway, it's an interesting case I probably talk too much about on this show.

00:04:39.000 Let's keep it light to begin with, shall we?

00:04:41.000 I'd like to catch up with some letters today.

00:04:44.000 Howard Stern is over, ruined. 1.00

00:04:47.000 He sucks so much shit right now because he's one of these paranoid Jewish rich guys who thinks the world's at the Ghana and Nazis are everywhere. 1.00

00:04:58.000 He hates Germany. 1.00

00:05:00.000 If the subject of Germany comes up, he hates them because they had Nazis in them 100 years ago. 0.53

00:05:08.000 And he hates going out.

00:05:12.000 He's a germaphobe. 0.98

00:05:13.000 He's neurotic. 0.99

00:05:14.000 He has to see a therapist every single day. 0.98

00:05:17.000 And the world's going to end.

00:05:19.000 He's always been talking like that.

00:05:20.000 And now this pandemic justifies all of that. 0.99

00:05:24.000 And now he's saying bullshit like Trump should resign. 0.99

00:05:28.000 Trump won't wear a mask because it affects his hair. 0.99

00:05:32.000 And I listen to him in the car, and I can't listen to it anymore.

00:05:36.000 He's screaming at people who aren't wearing masks.

00:05:38.000 He's Karen.

00:05:41.000 Something you thought this day would never come.

00:05:45.000 Oh, I get you.

00:05:46.000 That's after she beat cancer.

00:05:47.000 I like Robin more now. 0.99

00:05:49.000 She's got bigger balls. 1.00

00:05:52.000 I read her autobiography, which was a weird thing to read. 1.00

00:05:56.000 And the strange thing about it is she talks about hating white people and how Muhammad Ali taught her to be proud to be black. 0.99

00:06:05.000 And she realized at a young age that white people will stab you in the back. 1.00

00:06:09.000 But then you're reading the story and she's like getting raped by her black father, getting abused and beaten by her black mother. 1.00

00:06:15.000 And all these black people are screwing her over. 1.00

00:06:17.000 And the only bad thing the white person did to her is she had a good friend when she was a little kid. 0.99

00:06:22.000 And then when she was like 13, the friend pretended they weren't friends because she was with other people.

00:06:26.000 Ooh, the lynching of Robin Quivers. 0.99

00:06:29.000 That sent her on a path of fuck whitey. 1.00

00:06:32.000 It's a pretty black powery book for someone who doesn't really talk about race much. 0.99

00:06:38.000 But yeah, Howard Stern, and they're all like this.

00:06:43.000 They're all turning into Karens. 1.00

00:06:44.000 David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel.

00:06:46.000 Stay inside.

00:06:48.000 Stay outside.

00:06:49.000 Get fired.

00:06:50.000 Get in trouble.

00:06:52.000 Cough.

00:06:55.000 Oh, and you know what happens in his household now?

00:06:59.000 He does a show from home, which he's probably going to do forever.

00:07:02.000 And his lovely wife, Beth, has to clean and disinfect the entire home every day for him to be safe.

00:07:09.000 You know how they get mail?

00:07:10.000 They have like a, what's the word, triage room where they get the mail with gloves and everything, which they then throw out.

00:07:18.000 They put down, they put it in another room where it sits for 48 hours.

00:07:23.000 Then they rinse and wash it off with the Clorox bleach and then they look at what's inside.

00:07:28.000 And so she's sitting there with gloves, just appeasing her neurotic husband.

00:07:34.000 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 1.00

00:07:35.000 Out, damn spot, out, damn spot. 0.99

00:07:38.000 It's not fun. 1.00

00:07:39.000 That's what I hate about where we are as a nation.

00:07:42.000 Where's the fun?

00:07:44.000 Ever drive the speed limit?

00:07:45.000 I'm like Sammy Hager.

00:07:46.000 I can't drive 55.

00:07:48.000 You just think, how can anyone drive this?

00:07:50.000 And no one is. 0.97

00:07:51.000 If you drive the speed limit, someone's up your ass in no time and cars are whipping by you.

00:07:57.000 And that's what everyone, that's what we were talking about at the show yesterday, all this need for moderation and a safe space. 0.99

00:08:05.000 The fucking loonies who want to moderate us are just disturbing. 1.00

00:08:12.000 Actually, jump ahead to we are being moderated by the mentally ill. 1.00

00:08:17.000 It's just power-hungry freaks, nerd loser pussies. 1.00

00:08:22.000 I have power, trans Twitch moderator. 1.00

00:08:25.000 Twitch, I guess, is that's what you watch people playing video games on, right?

00:08:28.000 Trans Twitch moderator who identifies as a deer threatens to censor critics.

00:08:34.000 There are some people that should be afraid of me.

00:08:38.000 See?

00:08:38.000 Doesn't that sum it up that sentence?

00:08:41.000 There are some people who should be afraid of me. 0.99

00:08:43.000 I can eradicate you. 0.99

00:08:44.000 Those are antlers on his head, by the way. 1.00

00:08:47.000 He's taking hormones.

00:08:54.000 It's rare they do that.

00:08:57.000 I don't think he did.

00:08:58.000 They just take tons of testosterone.

00:08:59.000 They almost had the same face.

00:09:00.000 If you scroll down, you can see him.

00:09:04.000 And he has that weird incel face.

00:09:06.000 In my spare time, I go out to my yard.

00:09:09.000 In my spare time, I go out to my yard and I prance around and I eat grass.

00:09:17.000 Do your antlers fall off?

00:09:19.000 And I just launch it because it helps me feel like in tune with my dear self.

00:09:24.000 Do you also come out of the winter with gangrenous open sores on your hip?

00:09:31.000 So I do my best.

00:09:32.000 Because the life of a deer.

00:09:34.000 In fact, you know what I just realized?

00:09:36.000 Deer started me on this whole Animals or Losers things thing many years ago.

00:09:40.000 Because when I tree planted, I'd see them all the time.

00:09:43.000 And I was just like, your life is hell constantly like this.

00:09:48.000 And they have open sores on them.

00:09:50.000 They get cut and stuff.

00:09:51.000 It gets infected.

00:09:53.000 You'll see a deer with a hole in its side with maggots writhing in it.

00:09:56.000 Then they shed their velvet from their...

00:10:00.000 Horrific.

00:10:02.000 I'll take it away.

00:10:03.000 But that's just something they do.

00:10:05.000 Their antlers just fall off and then their velvet sheds. 0.58

00:10:08.000 It itches them.

00:10:09.000 They have to try to get it off.

00:10:10.000 You know, when God sees this, he just goes.

00:10:16.000 Because he didn't know exactly what was going to go on.

00:10:18.000 He knew man was going to exist.

00:10:20.000 Okay, I'm going to make humans and they're going to get better and better and better until they realize earth actually is heaven.

00:10:25.000 Life's just going to keep improving.

00:10:27.000 But I have to use this magic splooge and throw it on earth. 1.00

00:10:31.000 And I know that it's magic, so it's going to make weird things like a man of war and other stupid losers. 1.00

00:10:38.000 But he didn't know exactly how crazy they would get. 1.00

00:10:40.000 And then when he sees these, he's just like, Jesus Christ, my son.

00:10:45.000 And yeah, he looks at that and he goes, Jesus Christ.

00:10:48.000 And Jesus goes, what?

00:10:49.000 He goes, oh, sorry, sorry.

00:10:50.000 I was just looking at a deer.

00:10:52.000 Oh, I thought you were calling me.

00:10:53.000 Can you stop taking my name in vain, please?

00:10:55.000 Because I keep thinking you're calling me.

00:10:57.000 Why don't you go?

00:10:58.000 And then God goes, why don't you go back to earth if you love it so much?

00:11:03.000 They've been waiting for 2,000 years, you know.

00:11:06.000 Get into it.

00:11:07.000 I will.

00:11:08.000 He's like a teenager who won't move out of the house.

00:11:12.000 He's sitting there eating blueberries out of God's fridge, playing video games.

00:11:17.000 Move out.

00:11:19.000 You're what?

00:11:19.000 3,000 years old now?

00:11:21.000 But he's the only guy who could wear sandals.

00:11:25.000 Only guy who's okay to wear sandals.

00:11:26.000 Yeah, Jesus has to wear sandals because when you think about him wearing like skechers. 1.00

00:11:31.000 Yeah, no, no.

00:11:32.000 Or like rubber boots, what could he possibly wear?

00:11:34.000 Desert boots.

00:11:35.000 Desert boots?

00:11:35.000 No.

00:11:36.000 Clarks?

00:11:37.000 A suit?

00:11:38.000 What should maybe that's why he hasn't come back yet?

00:11:40.000 Because he can't decide what to wear.

00:11:42.000 Fred Perry?

00:11:44.000 Because honestly, though, like, does he wear the robe and the sandals?

00:11:47.000 That's pretty much all you could do.

00:11:49.000 You couldn't wear this.

00:11:51.000 That's a great that he doesn't know what to wear.

00:11:56.000 He's been in his closet for 3,000 years.

00:11:58.000 What about this?

00:11:59.000 This thing's nice.

00:12:00.000 This doesn't even fit anymore.

00:12:05.000 Yeah, but go back to that last link.

00:12:09.000 Because I sort of, her name is like Ferocious Steph, and she just thinks everyone's a Nazi. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Okay, so that clip is her having a deergasm where someone rubs her hair, his hair, sorry, and she likes it.

00:12:27.000 The level of self-indulgence here is just like, I feel weak.

00:12:33.000 I want to act like a child.

00:12:35.000 This is who moderates us.

00:12:37.000 This is who's in charge.

00:12:38.000 Go up a bit.

00:12:39.000 Thank you.

00:12:41.000 This is the money shot.

00:12:46.000 I'm just not cool with white supremacy, y'all.

00:12:49.000 It's really not that. 0.97

00:12:50.000 I think a lot of you gamers are actually white supremacists. 0.93

00:12:54.000 Sorry. 0.95

00:12:56.000 Just a fact of how I feel.

00:12:59.000 Which isn't a problem.

00:13:01.000 No, I just not cool.

00:13:04.000 Have you ever seen a better example?

00:13:16.000 Is he streaming right now?

00:13:18.000 No, I just not cool.

00:13:21.000 Is that the whole clip?

00:13:22.000 It's really not that.

00:13:23.000 Yeah, I think a lot of you speaking of trans, now go up one.

00:13:27.000 Vice got woke and went broke.

00:13:28.000 Here's what I think happened with Weiss.

00:13:30.000 I think Shane saw that he flew too close to the woke son and ended up with the SJW staff.

00:13:37.000 And then they started unionizing and calling everyone sexist.

00:13:39.000 So he said, I'll just put a woman there. 1.00

00:13:42.000 And for all the bad shit I've ever thought about Shane Smith, no one can deny that he's a great salesman. 0.98

00:13:48.000 And that's not easy. 0.99

00:13:49.000 He's the CEO whisperer.

00:13:51.000 You take that away, you take away vice. 1.00

00:13:54.000 So this dumb bitch that they hired fucked up and started encouraging even more wokeness until they went brokenness. 1.00

00:14:02.000 I was laid off from Vice on Friday. 1.00

00:14:04.000 Now there's no one who reports on trans issues there anymore.

00:14:07.000 See, you know what I don't get about this?

00:14:09.000 Like I've been fired 8 million times.

00:14:11.000 Lauren Southern, for example, no one asks where she's at.

00:14:17.000 Well, she's retired now, basically, but back when she was doing stuff, they wouldn't say, hey, Lauren Southern is at Rebel or Lauren Southern is at One America News or something like that.

00:14:25.000 No one cares.

00:14:26.000 They were looking at her content.

00:14:28.000 It's like a bartender.

00:14:29.000 When he moves from a bar, people will follow him to that bar. 0.95

00:14:32.000 So if you're a great writer and if you're really giving out important news, like Tim Poole, he could, no one cares where he's doing his shit from or who's hosting it. 0.96

00:14:40.000 That's irrelevant. 0.92

00:14:41.000 It's his message people follow.

00:14:42.000 And Rogan, he's moving to.

00:14:43.000 Rogan's going to Spotify. 0.99

00:14:44.000 No one gives a fuck. 0.98

00:14:46.000 So you're not, just go to your next venue if you're so valuable. 0.99

00:14:50.000 But you're clearly not valuable.

00:14:51.000 You're talentless.

00:14:52.000 But here's the best part.

00:14:54.000 Okay, I worked there for five.

00:14:55.000 No, no, keep going.

00:14:56.000 I worked there for five years.

00:14:57.000 And by 2020, almost all the people have been actively investing in the development of the trans coverage that I built at Vice Iscon.

00:15:05.000 Now, we just saw what trans coverage is.

00:15:09.000 Are you willing to concede now what I said five years ago? 1.00

00:15:13.000 They are mentally ill gays. 1.00

00:15:17.000 Very simple. 1.00

00:15:19.000 But that thread gets better.

00:15:22.000 So I almost choked on my own snot there.

00:15:28.000 The person who laid me off came to the company.

00:15:30.000 That's the woman I think he's talking about there. 0.98

00:15:34.000 Then you go down.

00:15:34.000 The choice you make, what matters to you, it's heartbreaking that Vice thinks, blah, blah, blah.

00:15:39.000 I said, I know of, became a very different company a year ago, blah, blah, blah.

00:15:44.000 Two years ago, I successfully bargained in the union contract negotiations to obtain expansive trans coverage on our insurance plan.

00:15:54.000 I explained how trans care is medically necessary and Vice agreed to expand to include everything for trans people, like everything.

00:16:03.000 Including allowing you to mutilate yourself and we foot the bill.

00:16:08.000 That's a good business decision, isn't it? 1.00

00:16:12.000 And by the way, enjoy your job security when you force your employer at gumpoint to cut your cock off. 1.00

00:16:20.000 I want to mutilate my genitals and you're going to pay for it. 1.00

00:16:23.000 And I looked it up. 1.00

00:16:24.000 It's not cheap.

00:16:25.000 It can be up to $150,000 to have your cockloped.

00:16:30.000 But go back.

00:16:32.000 I'm grateful, blah, blah, blah.

00:16:35.000 I have to, oh yeah.

00:16:37.000 I was in the final stages of securing a surgery date around the time COVID-19 came and trans procedures were put on hold.

00:16:43.000 I have to wonder whether that occurred to any of the people determining whether or not I should lose money.

00:16:47.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 Even if I believed in trans, I would look at it and go, hey, we're having a bit of trouble with the net here. 0.99

00:16:55.000 I see there's someone who wants to charge us $150,000.

00:16:58.000 What do they bring in, like, as far as value to the company? 1.00

00:17:01.000 Oh, it's a mentally okay and no one reads their shit. 0.99

00:17:04.000 Okay, well, I think we got to cut that cord. 0.99

00:17:07.000 That's just too expensive.

00:17:11.000 Look him up, too.

00:17:12.000 Look up this guy.

00:17:13.000 Deanna Tourgi?

00:17:14.000 Yeah, he's obviously on hormones and he's been injecting his lips.

00:17:20.000 And so in every picture, he has this bizarre duck face.

00:17:25.000 Yeah, that's him.

00:17:26.000 Up top there.

00:17:27.000 Look at his face.

00:17:28.000 Oh, I'm a woman.

00:17:30.000 No, you don't look like a woman. 0.97

00:17:31.000 You know what I think they said...

00:17:34.000 You know why I think they said trans and gender binary?

00:17:38.000 Because they started out just going, I'm not a man, I'm a woman.

00:17:41.000 And then people started laughing.

00:17:44.000 And they said, really?

00:17:45.000 You look like Mrs. Doubtfire.

00:17:47.000 And they went, oh, okay, I'm not a woman.

00:17:49.000 Yeah, I know, but I'm not a man.

00:17:52.000 What?

00:17:52.000 Yeah, there's another one.

00:17:54.000 Oh, I didn't know about that.

00:17:56.000 Okay.

00:17:56.000 I guess you're...

00:17:58.000 A video of him?

00:18:03.000 Sorry.

00:18:04.000 I've been laughing at this since Monty Python.

00:18:06.000 I can't stop now.

00:18:08.000 That's his friend, I think.

00:18:09.000 This is a joint project between Dana Tourget and... 0.99

00:18:16.000 Pledge $15 or more, and we'll talk about drag queens and shit. 1.00

00:18:21.000 Just give us money, please. 1.00

00:18:23.000 I need money to cut my dick off. 1.00

00:18:27.000 Flawless Sabrina. 1.00

00:18:29.000 Yeah, she looks real flawless.

00:18:32.000 I'm trying to not see a flaw.

00:18:34.000 Oh, here we go.

00:18:34.000 There's a message from Diana.

00:18:36.000 I thought it was Deanna.

00:18:38.000 Today we're going to look at a mock-up.

00:18:40.000 It's just television series.

00:18:41.000 I used to live with a bunch of lesbians in Montreal. 1.00

00:18:43.000 I don't know why, but I was paying $100 a month in rent.

00:18:47.000 So it would be rent day, and I go, what?

00:18:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:18:50.000 I think I got that on me.

00:18:51.000 Like, rent wasn't even in my radar.

00:18:54.000 But there was, I was in this tiny room at the back, but there was three other lesbians there. 1.00

00:18:58.000 And they would change their name all the time.

00:19:00.000 This is before cell phones.

00:19:01.000 This is like 1990.

00:19:02.000 So I'd get a call.

00:19:03.000 I'd answer the hello.

00:19:05.000 Hi, is Georgie there?

00:19:07.000 And I go, I don't know. 0.90

00:19:09.000 Is anyone calling themselves fucking Georgie this week? 0.99

00:19:13.000 While you sit there and make hats and your dad pays your bills? 0.98

00:19:20.000 Collaboration between Flawless Sabrina.

00:19:24.000 So in 1984, Flawless and John Waters with Divine were working on a television Series called The Apple Pie Show, which was going to be a news talk show basically with different celebrities hosted by both Devine and John Waters.

00:19:40.000 And this is a mock-up, basically, something that was put together to help sell the television show.

00:19:46.000 So you've got descriptions here of who you're talking about.

00:19:48.000 Interesting, isn't it?

00:19:50.000 John Waters wanted to do a show with Devine.

00:19:52.000 Yeah, I figured.

00:19:54.000 I forgot I was alive just for a second.

00:19:55.000 The show itself is interesting.

00:19:57.000 Why?

00:19:58.000 Let's just sit here with him.

00:20:00.000 Look, pledge $15 or more, and you can watch me look at a TV pitch from the 80s.

00:20:08.000 Actually, go to this.

00:20:09.000 Yes, please.

00:20:10.000 Hi, you're flawless, Sabrina.

00:20:12.000 That's flawless, Sabrina.

00:20:14.000 Go to the censored Reddit.

00:20:17.000 I saw this cool article that said, believe all women is a right-wing trap. 0.99

00:20:24.000 Don't fall for it, feminists. 1.00

00:20:26.000 So they come up with Believe All Women. 0.72

00:20:29.000 Then it starts affecting their side, and now they reject it.

00:20:33.000 That's the way it works, right?

00:20:35.000 What are you doing?

00:20:36.000 This is a subreddit. 0.99

00:20:38.000 I know, well, find the fucking article I'm talking about. 0.98

00:20:42.000 Like, why don't you just show them Google while you're at it? 0.98

00:20:44.000 Scroll down till you see a New York Times article. 1.00

00:20:48.000 Holy fuck, you're fucking slow. 1.00

00:20:50.000 I want to stab you. 1.00

00:20:50.000 Why are you going so slow? 1.00

00:20:52.000 It's a huge picture of an article.

00:20:54.000 There we go, Ryan.

00:20:56.000 Oh, that would have been a great help to describe it, that it's a picture.

00:21:00.000 Believe all women is a right-wing trap. 1.00

00:21:02.000 So I look at that, and I'm getting good at this now. 1.00

00:21:05.000 I'm thinking, so you're a liar and a hypocrite. 1.00

00:21:08.000 You work for the New York Times, and you'll happily turn on a dime when things are inconvenient for you. 1.00

00:21:14.000 So you're what we were talking about yesterday, a fucking liar. 0.99

00:21:18.000 So I look up Susan Faluti, and she's a feminist author who, ready for this one? 1.00

00:21:26.000 This is who wants to moderate us, just like the two people we just saw.

00:21:31.000 At 76, Susan Feluti's father became a woman, giving her a strange daughter the news in an email in 2004 with the subject line, changes.

00:21:42.000 You know that article that got me fired about being trans?

00:21:47.000 Sorry, did I just say me being trans?

00:21:49.000 I think so. 1.00

00:21:51.000 About trans being mentally ill gays. 1.00

00:21:53.000 I started the article saying, yeah, when your father shows up and he had a beard last Thanksgiving, and here he is this Thanksgiving in a dress with no penis, everyone's totally cool with that, right? 1.00

00:22:06.000 And the truth is, only the mentally ill lunatic freak liars like Susan Faluti are cool and call it changes. 0.98

00:22:15.000 So I was mocking this exact attitude of, it's okay, it's just a change. 1.00

00:22:21.000 Like, how brainwashed do you have to be to fucking not be freaked out by your 76-year-old father becoming a woman? 0.99

00:22:30.000 That's not her father, that's her, but close. 0.99

00:22:33.000 This wasn't her father's first reinvention, but it was the one that drew Feluti back into her life as both a daughter with unresolved grievances and a journalist with a story to pursue.

00:22:42.000 And it's a remarkable story.

00:22:46.000 Oh, it sounds remarkable.

00:22:49.000 The story reaches back to her father's childhood as a Hungarian Jew coming of age in the midst of the Nazi horror.

00:22:55.000 We knew we had to get the Nazis in there. 0.97

00:22:57.000 That's what pays the bills.

00:23:03.000 Like, I remember Bill O'Reilly saying, if all of these taxes were going and I saw like these orphanages and mental institutions that were perfect and spotless and all these people getting the help they need and the homeless rate going down with all the mental institutions going up and people getting better and really efficient health care, he goes, I wouldn't mind paying my taxes, which is kind of what's happening in Denmark.

00:23:27.000 They are paying a lot of tax, but they're also, they have no minimum wage and the free market is off to the races.

00:23:34.000 So I think Bill Rye was subconsciously saying, I'd like Denmark, I could live with.

00:23:38.000 And that's not the kind of socialism that Bernie and AOC are promoting.

00:23:41.000 They want to have both no free market and free market paying tons of money to them.

00:23:46.000 It's not how it goes.

00:23:48.000 That's what I always said about Bernie supporters in the northeast, like Vermont and stuff.

00:23:52.000 I like them.

00:23:52.000 They're just bad at math.

00:23:55.000 But they're patriotic and they have flags in their yard and they have guns. 0.99

00:24:01.000 But I wouldn't mind these people wanting to moderate all this shit and validate. 0.99

00:24:11.000 Remember yesterday? 0.99

00:24:12.000 That's valid of you to say.

00:24:15.000 If they were really good at it.

00:24:18.000 And even Ron Coleman said, you know, there was a time when Twitter did have a lot of Nazis.

00:24:24.000 There's not a lot of Nazis in the world, but they were disproportionately represented in Twitter. 1.00

00:24:28.000 And it was just like fucking Jews, die, kiked, Holocaust, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:24:32.000 And that does get annoying. 1.00

00:24:34.000 It's a tiny, tiny group of people, though.

00:24:36.000 Tiny irrelevant.

00:24:38.000 But if they get on your message board, you kind of have to weed them out.

00:24:41.000 It takes like a day.

00:24:43.000 I thought you said you were pro-free speech, Gavin.

00:24:46.000 No, I'm not talking about ideas I disagree with.

00:24:49.000 I'm talking about vandalism, people vandalizing.

00:24:51.000 It's like when Antifa comes to a talk and just is like, dong, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

00:24:56.000 That's not, you're preventing speech.

00:25:01.000 But so if they were doing that and just like helping speech go along by stopping van, the occasional vandal and not shutting down interesting conservatives like Milo Laura, the G-Dog, Michelle, blah, blah, blah, then I wouldn't be so mad. 0.99

00:25:18.000 But it's that these clowns, these mentally ill lunatics are the ones that want to monitor us. 0.99

00:25:26.000 And they're about to elect one for president, they think. 1.00

00:25:30.000 See, Biden, he's the worst of the lot.

00:25:33.000 He's going to control everyone.

00:25:36.000 Here, this is one of the last links, Ryan.

00:25:38.000 He said, he said, well, first of all, he said, I've never hate the way Trump makes nicknames for people.

00:25:45.000 It's so petty. 0.98

00:25:47.000 And now he goes, oh, this, by the way, in this live address to the nation, whatever the fuck it's called, there's someone wandering around in the background. 0.99

00:25:54.000 So he's not practicing social distancing. 0.98

00:25:56.000 He still has a staff.

00:25:57.000 And there's a goose Making a racket in the background, guys.

00:26:04.000 Audio is crucial.

00:26:06.000 Audio is crucial.

00:26:08.000 If there's a goose going, stop and start again. 1.00

00:26:13.000 Or close the fucking window, retard. 1.00

00:26:17.000 He's able to get this money out to the folks who desperately need it to stay afloat. 1.00

00:26:22.000 Is it incompetence?

00:26:24.000 Corruption?

00:26:25.000 If that incompetent vid casting again this morning, I called president tweeting.

00:26:34.000 Reopen the country, end of quote.

00:26:37.000 How are we supposed to do that if you're sitting on the money small businesses need in order to stay alive?

00:26:44.000 What?

00:26:44.000 Stop tweeting about it.

00:26:46.000 Get the money out to Main Street.

00:26:48.000 Do you want to get the money out to Main Street? 1.00

00:26:49.000 Open up Main Street and let us buy shit. 0.99

00:26:52.000 Let me go to my barber's. 1.00

00:26:54.000 Let me go to my bar.

00:26:58.000 By the way, Asian John has the keys to a certain bar I won't name.

00:27:03.000 So we can start going there.

00:27:05.000 Interesting.

00:27:05.000 Yeah.

00:27:07.000 So I'll be back up to two bars that I can sneak into.

00:27:10.000 But as I said yesterday, I don't enjoy the shame.

00:27:14.000 Bar is a place you're proud to be a man.

00:27:17.000 Maybe we shouldn't...

00:27:18.000 We should go there but not wear clothes, so that way if any Karen's walked by, all they'll say is... 1.00

00:27:21.000 This nigga is an asshole, nigga! 1.00

00:27:26.000 You know what we could do, and I've done this a few times. 1.00

00:27:28.000 I have a perfect cock. 0.99

00:27:30.000 I'm debuting that now. 0.99

00:27:32.000 I sort of held it back.

00:27:33.000 But what I can do to women is they go, hey, what the hell's going on in here? 1.00

00:27:37.000 And I just take out my penis and lay it in my hand. 1.00

00:27:40.000 And they go, you don't. 1.00

00:27:46.000 Hello.

00:27:49.000 And I just, and then I put it back in my pants and they go, what was I talking about?

00:27:54.000 Wait, it's like the mind eraser from Men in Black.

00:27:57.000 Neuralizer.

00:27:58.000 It's a neuralizer.

00:27:59.000 I just lay it out.

00:28:00.000 Sorry, is there a problem here?

00:28:02.000 Oh, my.

00:28:04.000 I saw that happen once live. 1.00

00:28:06.000 I was at a boxing match and the women who come out and hold up the numbers, Jesus, I guess because they're Mexican, they are so fucking hot. 1.00

00:28:16.000 It's insane. 0.99

00:28:18.000 I don't know where they get these women. 1.00

00:28:20.000 I guess they're Puerto Ricans and they find the best Puerto Rican there is and maybe Puerto Ricans, a lot of them are fat, ugly pigs, but when they get a good one, they get a really good one. 1.00

00:28:28.000 Anyway, she's out there doing her walk with her high-heel shoes on. 0.98

00:28:32.000 And I'm looking at the guy next to me and he loses consciousness and he goes, I didn't know him.

00:28:39.000 I was just standing next to him.

00:28:40.000 It was a standing room only kind of thing.

00:28:42.000 And I look at him and he's going like this.

00:28:46.000 Oh my God.

00:28:48.000 Just doing the thing. 1.00

00:28:50.000 He was like licking her vagina in his mind and he had self-hypnotized. 0.99

00:28:56.000 So that joke character I was just doing of Karen, I actually saw live. 0.99

00:29:03.000 That was too much of indecent.

00:29:05.000 What if he went on a date with her?

00:29:06.000 Hey, so thanks for taking me here.

00:29:07.000 I love, I always eat here.

00:29:08.000 I love Italian.

00:29:12.000 I like you.

00:29:16.000 That reminds me of me and my buddy Sharky.

00:29:19.000 We used to do these characters when we go to a bar and we pretend we were unbelievably wasted. 0.98

00:29:25.000 And we go, you two are fucking hot. 0.99

00:29:29.000 Hot to the shot. 1.00

00:29:31.000 So beautiful.

00:29:32.000 Oh, you should take a bath.

00:29:35.000 You can use this one, by the way.

00:29:37.000 You two should get in the bath together.

00:29:40.000 Have a bath.

00:29:41.000 And you're not threatening, right?

00:29:42.000 Because you're falling off the bar.

00:29:44.000 And they go, yeah, that's a great idea.

00:29:46.000 Thanks a lot.

00:29:46.000 Thanks for the tip.

00:29:47.000 Oh, wait.

00:29:49.000 You have a bath.

00:29:51.000 Watch this.

00:29:53.000 I'm not drunk anymore.

00:29:54.000 That's magic.

00:29:55.000 I can make myself not drunk.

00:29:57.000 What do you think?

00:29:58.000 And they usually laugh, but this one girl goes, I don't believe you.

00:30:02.000 I'm like, what?

00:30:03.000 The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane.

00:30:05.000 Hello, how are you?

00:30:07.000 Want to do any tests? 1.00

00:30:09.000 She's like, no, you're full of shit. 1.00

00:30:11.000 I was dropping off this bar a second ago. 1.00

00:30:14.000 Anyway, they are retarded, and in some ways, they're geniuses. 0.97

00:30:20.000 Oh, that's a goody, oldie, but a goodie. 0.99

00:30:25.000 You saw Armed Robbery, stole the TV.

00:30:27.000 I stole the TV. 0.98

00:30:30.000 The beginning of Strangers with Candy, Amy Sederis is talking about, I was a boozer and a user and a loser. 0.84

00:30:38.000 And then she just goes, I stole the TV.

00:30:41.000 Out of the blue, you're not going to find that.

00:30:45.000 But everyone's seen this by now. 0.99

00:30:47.000 Armed robbery is turning out to be an even bigger loser than all their other losers. 1.00

00:30:53.000 I gave them a real guy in Mississippi, gay black dude, victim of a hate crime, run over on a truck. 1.00

00:30:58.000 But you didn't want it. 0.99

00:30:59.000 You wanted the swing state guys.

00:31:01.000 So we get armed robbery, who was being chased by guys after a series of break-ins, and they had the right guy.

00:31:13.000 It's not really a great example of racism. 0.99

00:31:16.000 And this right guy has been a fuck-up his whole life. 1.00

00:31:21.000 Such a fuck-up that I'm not sure if he's a criminal or just severely retarded. 1.00

00:31:26.000 For example, we showed a clip yesterday where he was practicing rapping in the park by parking his car in the middle of a field and giving cops shit. 1.00

00:31:34.000 This is the other thing about him. 0.99

00:31:36.000 The story that I believe is that he grabbed the rifle and it went off and shot him.

00:31:41.000 And we can see that's the way he behaves when he's confronted.

00:31:44.000 Like he's always pissy with the cops.

00:31:46.000 He's going close to you.

00:31:47.000 And again, this is a totally separate clip from yesterday, but again, it's the no shirts with the parka.

00:31:53.000 Hey, guys.

00:31:53.000 Y'all camera for show.

00:31:55.000 You know how hot that is?

00:31:57.000 And he's in Georgia, I think.

00:31:58.000 Like attractive hot.

00:32:00.000 He looks so African. 0.97

00:32:03.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

00:32:06.000 I got a parka. 0.99

00:32:07.000 It is from Canada.

00:32:09.000 It's a grey goose.

00:32:12.000 These are my friends.

00:32:13.000 These are my friends.

00:32:14.000 I do not steal that TV.

00:32:18.000 And again, they have them on camera stealing the TV.

00:32:23.000 And don't make this hard on yourselves.

00:32:25.000 All of you, take a seat.

00:32:25.000 Take a seat.

00:32:29.000 The floor is dirty.

00:32:30.000 I'm not going to take a seat.

00:32:31.000 But people have the poo-poo there. 0.99

00:32:34.000 I'm not going to sit in the poo-poo. 0.99

00:32:40.000 Imagine being a cop and just having to hear lies all day.

00:32:44.000 I'm starting to.

00:32:45.000 I was talking to a fire man yesterday, and I was like, I don't think cops can do anything.

00:32:52.000 I think we're done.

00:32:54.000 Like, they're very lucky.

00:32:55.000 Say those guys stole the TV.

00:32:57.000 They're very lucky to get there in time.

00:32:58.000 To steal a TV takes no time.

00:33:01.000 You run in, grab it, run away.

00:33:02.000 The cops can't get anywhere in under five minutes.

00:33:05.000 Sometimes 15 minutes.

00:33:06.000 As I learned in the Bronx, it's 45 minutes or never.

00:33:10.000 They're not right now in the pandemic.

00:33:11.000 They're not going to anything unless it's a rape or a murder.

00:33:14.000 But even if it is a murder in the hood, right?

00:33:16.000 You show up there.

00:33:17.000 Yeah, my brother was murdered.

00:33:18.000 Okay.

00:33:19.000 What do you want me to do?

00:33:20.000 Go door to door and try to find witnesses?

00:33:22.000 No one's going to talk to me. 0.88

00:33:24.000 They might shoot me. 0.86

00:33:24.000 They hate me. 0.86

00:33:26.000 And with the Proud Boys, they said there's nothing to see here.

00:33:30.000 They had a press conference and they said, though, these guys were ambushed.

00:33:33.000 They weren't roaming the streets like a hate gang.

00:33:35.000 They just beat up someone who wanted to fight them. 1.00

00:33:37.000 And the DNC said, fuck off, cops. 1.00

00:33:40.000 We're throwing them in prison. 1.00

00:33:41.000 What?

00:33:41.000 Okay.

00:33:43.000 Seems weird.

00:33:46.000 So what do cops, and I'm on the side of cops, but what can they do?

00:33:51.000 They used to be able to do, like in New York, for example, I talked to cops that said they could tell by the way someone walked if they had a gun.

00:33:58.000 And that's a real, in the NYPD, if you get someone with a gun, that's a high five.

00:34:02.000 If you bring in someone for smoking a joint, everyone in the station makes fun of you.

00:34:05.000 But getting a gun off the streets, that's a feather in your pocket.

00:34:08.000 So he started to notice the certain walk they did.

00:34:10.000 It's kind of slower, you know, less peppy.

00:34:13.000 And so he caught like 15 guns.

00:34:15.000 Now that's stopping Frisk.

00:34:16.000 Can't do that anymore.

00:34:17.000 They're going to get sued if they do something wrong.

00:34:21.000 They knew the truth about George Zimmerman, and it didn't work. 0.99

00:34:27.000 Look at the fucking Rodney King. 0.99

00:34:29.000 They chase a guy through the suburbs. 1.00

00:34:31.000 They finally get him to stop.

00:34:33.000 He's endangered to thousands of lives, hundreds of lives, dozens of lives, I don't know.

00:34:37.000 And everyone stops.

00:34:38.000 He won't sit down, like armed.

00:34:41.000 And he laughs in their face when they tase him.

00:34:44.000 So they beat him.

00:34:45.000 Everyone sees the whole tape in court.

00:34:47.000 All right, sorry, you're not guilty.

00:34:48.000 I just seen the last two seconds of you beating him. 0.99

00:34:50.000 I didn't realize what he was doing.

00:34:52.000 And then there's riots on the streets.

00:34:55.000 So they go, put the cup in jail.

00:34:58.000 Yeah, everyone's mad.

00:35:00.000 So put him in jail.

00:35:04.000 And I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of criminals paying witnesses, like 10 grand sometimes, to shut their mouths.

00:35:14.000 I've been hearing the story like this since the 90s.

00:35:17.000 Where it's like, oh, yeah, then what happened?

00:35:19.000 Well, he had some money.

00:35:20.000 So he went up to the witnesses and he said, here's 10 grand.

00:35:22.000 And you either go to court and it's going to turn out very bad for you, or you take this 10 grand and I never see you again.

00:35:28.000 And they're like, yeah, I think I'll do that.

00:35:31.000 So, or it's like stealing your phone.

00:35:33.000 They don't have a magic phone tracker more than I do.

00:35:37.000 So I have to go there and put up posters.

00:35:39.000 And I'm not saying cops should be putting up posters for my phone.

00:35:42.000 I just think in an era where we're calling the cops for everything, that's assault.

00:35:48.000 The police are on their way.

00:35:49.000 Remember that conservative kid who had a sign and it was like being white is okay or something and someone ripped it from him?

00:35:56.000 And he goes, call the cops.

00:35:59.000 And puts his hands in his pockets.

00:36:01.000 The cops aren't magic.

00:36:03.000 In my neighborhood, about 10 years ago, there was fighter jets flying overhead.

00:36:08.000 People called the cops.

00:36:13.000 Now, say the cops were Superman.

00:36:16.000 What would Superman do?

00:36:18.000 Hey, where are you going?

00:36:21.000 I can't hear you.

00:36:22.000 I've been a fighter jet.

00:36:24.000 Pull over.

00:36:25.000 Pull over?

00:36:26.000 Where?

00:36:27.000 Follow me to the base and I can explain, I guess. 1.00

00:36:29.000 The fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:36:31.000 But they're not Superman. 1.00

00:36:33.000 And then these Karens have simultaneously made the cops responsible for everything. 1.00

00:36:38.000 If it rains on your birthday, call the cops.

00:36:40.000 And then at the exact same time, strip them of all their rights and put them in litigious hell where they're going to get sued if they say the wrong thing and they're going to be racist. 0.97

00:36:47.000 And if a black guy steals something, they're going to be called a Nazi and have people show up at their door. 0.98

00:36:55.000 Remember when the top brass says, arrest these Karens if you see them in the park. 1.00

00:37:00.000 Oh, fuck, really? 1.00

00:37:01.000 So they arrest her and then the whole town shows up at the cop's house. 1.00

00:37:10.000 They can't even catch you if you run away.

00:37:12.000 Look, that's my first link under cops are finished. 0.97

00:37:15.000 And again, I'm not shitting on cops.

00:37:17.000 I'm just saying I don't see how they can do their job anymore.

00:37:21.000 I think the job is over.

00:37:24.000 And this is a slightly separate topic.

00:37:27.000 It seems pretty easy to outrun a cop.

00:37:30.000 I mean, isn't he a middle-aged man? 0.99

00:37:32.000 And with all this shit on him and a big hot chest, bulletproof vest thing? 0.99

00:37:36.000 Meanwhile, you got Nikes and shorts? 1.00

00:37:40.000 So this story is this guy in the cool car just picked up her.

00:37:45.000 That's his girlfriend. 0.81

00:37:46.000 And now she's saying, get away, boyfriend.

00:37:49.000 I want to go in the guy with the nice car.

00:37:52.000 This is like cave level.

00:37:54.000 But if you scroll way ahead, the cops shove.

00:38:02.000 What the hell's going on here?

00:38:03.000 Oh, you're seeing a girlfriend be stolen.

00:38:09.000 His eyebrows.

00:38:10.000 I look too much like John Leguizamo.

00:38:12.000 Oh, I got some Billy's love out.

00:38:14.000 Oh, it's a room.

00:38:16.000 I cannot.

00:38:17.000 They're wearing a suit.

00:38:18.000 I can outrun someone in a suit. 1.00

00:38:20.000 What kind of hangout is this shit? 1.00

00:38:21.000 That's a party? 1.00

00:38:23.000 I don't know what it is.

00:38:25.000 But I guess this guy's getting threatening.

00:38:28.000 And then look at this.

00:38:31.000 He's gone.

00:38:32.000 He's 14.

00:38:34.000 He's an antelope. 1.00

00:38:36.000 Shitting his belt. 1.00

00:38:37.000 You're an elephant. 1.00

00:38:38.000 Elephants don't get antelopes.

00:38:43.000 Elephants can't even catch dogs. 0.98

00:38:48.000 The checkers. 0.90

00:38:49.000 And he's gone.

00:38:50.000 Look at this other chase.

00:38:55.000 And in the good old days, they just catch someone and they think, I don't want to waste the court's time. 0.99

00:38:59.000 I'm just going to beat the Shit out of this guy. 0.99

00:39:01.000 He'll learn. 1.00

00:39:02.000 You can't do that anymore. 1.00

00:39:04.000 You have to put it through the courts and charge me thousands of dollars as a taxpayer to process this stupid charge, like selling meth. 1.00

00:39:14.000 Yeah, that's right. 0.99

00:39:14.000 I think selling meth should be just fine. 0.99

00:39:18.000 Doctors do it.

00:39:20.000 Yeah.

00:39:22.000 I was on it all last week.

00:39:26.000 Look at this.

00:39:32.000 Look, he's just, you know, when you're so exhausted, you think you're going to die?

00:39:35.000 I get this with boxing sometimes.

00:39:37.000 That's what he's going through right now.

00:39:39.000 He's like so winded, he's worried he's having a heart attack.

00:39:41.000 It's like tasting pennies.

00:39:44.000 Oh, I can taste blood.

00:39:45.000 Oh, I don't feel good.

00:39:46.000 I think I'm going to barf.

00:39:49.000 I need a granola bar, help, and the chair.

00:39:54.000 Think of a crime.

00:39:56.000 There's nobody rooting for cops out there.

00:39:57.000 Like all these people.

00:39:58.000 No one's rooting for you.

00:39:59.000 They're like, woo, you're a bad.

00:40:01.000 Like, think of any crime. 0.99

00:40:04.000 Say I stab you right now, right? 1.00

00:40:07.000 Then I roll your body up, drive out to New Jersey tonight. 1.00

00:40:12.000 I'm dead? 0.99

00:40:13.000 Yeah.

00:40:13.000 Oh, man.

00:40:14.000 Stab you to death. 1.00

00:40:15.000 put it in a hole, and then I just... 0.99

00:40:20.000 And then I just call the police and go, hey, I work with this guy.

00:40:23.000 I haven't seen him in a while.

00:40:25.000 Did you arrest him?

00:40:26.000 Even if they suspect I killed him, are they going to do the DNA?

00:40:30.000 I could just wash it with bleach. 0.99

00:40:32.000 I'll stab you right in the spine so there's not a lot of blood. 0.99

00:40:35.000 There'd be plenty of it right away. 1.00

00:40:36.000 That's where I keep most of my blood, is my spine.

00:40:41.000 I once had a cop say to me, he goes, if anyone's ever killed and it looks like it could conceivably be a suicide, we're not going to bother.

00:40:48.000 my god.

00:40:49.000 Like, if he's lying like this and the gun's in his hand, it's like...

00:40:54.000 You know, detectives don't really have time. 0.99

00:40:57.000 Holy crap. 0.99

00:40:57.000 Like that woman who killed her husband with hydrochloroquine with koi fish pond cleaner. 0.99

00:41:02.000 The case Steven Crowder had to crack.

00:41:05.000 Like Joel, this is true with what's his name?

00:41:09.000 Joel Gilbert?

00:41:10.000 Joel Gilbert.

00:41:11.000 I think we're supposed to pronounce it American.

00:41:13.000 Joel Gilbert.

00:41:15.000 He cracked that case.

00:41:16.000 The cops were told, hey, go to the girlfriend's house. 0.99

00:41:19.000 And then someone just said, no, actually, that's the girlfriend. 1.00

00:41:22.000 They're like, okay.

00:41:25.000 They managed to, they can be manipulated like little marionettes.

00:41:29.000 They kick out Trayvon's mom and they put in the other woman. 0.99

00:41:33.000 Now you're the parents, grieving parents.

00:41:35.000 Cover up your crip tattoo.

00:41:37.000 And they just use the media, the DNC, to politicize everything.

00:41:41.000 Well, it's like they're like the muscle, right?

00:41:44.000 They go do the muscle stuff and whoever's the brain doesn't exactly exercise the muscles anymore.

00:41:50.000 Like they can catch speeders.

00:41:52.000 If you buy Coke and you get caught, I don't know how you got caught, by the way.

00:41:56.000 Shouldn't you just do it in the bathroom?

00:41:58.000 But say you got caught and they go, where'd you get this from?

00:42:02.000 Then you say the guy, but they have to prove it and you don't have it on tape. 0.94

00:42:07.000 Like say someone roofies a chick and then rapes her.

00:42:11.000 How are they even going to prove that?

00:42:13.000 You'd need footage of the roofie going in.

00:42:16.000 But he's like, I don't know.

00:42:17.000 She seemed drunk.

00:42:17.000 She took me home.

00:42:19.000 You'd need a blood sample to prove she was roofied, but then he could just say, oh, someone must have roofied her.

00:42:25.000 I didn't do it.

00:42:26.000 I'm surprised anyone's in jail.

00:42:28.000 How do you arrest people?

00:42:29.000 How do criminals get caught?

00:42:31.000 I don't understand it.

00:42:33.000 There's a lot of taking word for and, you know, just plea deals. 0.99

00:42:38.000 Who the fuck is in prison? 0.99

00:42:40.000 What did you do? 1.00

00:42:41.000 How'd you get caught?

00:42:42.000 I understand like infiltrations where there's an undercover guy and he hears about a murder or something.

00:42:48.000 I get that.

00:42:49.000 Or when they go undercover and someone says, here, undercover cop, here's $10,000. 1.00

00:42:54.000 Go kill my wife. 1.00

00:42:55.000 I understand that. 1.00

00:42:57.000 But how did he know to be there?

00:42:59.000 I guess the husband said, I think my wife's trying to kill me. 0.67

00:43:01.000 Or Carol Baskin.

00:43:03.000 Right.

00:43:03.000 I was just thinking about that.

00:43:04.000 She's out in the middle of nowhere.

00:43:06.000 You probably hear gunshots all the time.

00:43:07.000 Big deal.

00:43:08.000 Goes to the back of her husband's head.

00:43:10.000 He falls down.

00:43:11.000 Digs a hole.

00:43:12.000 Probably takes about half an hour.

00:43:14.000 And he's gone.

00:43:15.000 What are you going to do?

00:43:15.000 Dig up her entire property 20 feet deep?

00:43:18.000 Seems tough.

00:43:20.000 They got some wilderness down there, too.

00:43:21.000 I mean, you could just...

00:43:25.000 No, she just buries him where she shot him.

00:43:27.000 Just right there?

00:43:28.000 Yeah.

00:43:29.000 Let's go for a walk in the woods.

00:43:30.000 I love you.

00:43:32.000 I love you.

00:43:33.000 That's the last thing you heard. 0.92

00:43:36.000 And then we have this pathetic justice system that throws my friends in prison. 0.97

00:43:42.000 Or check out this chick, Evelyn Farkas. 1.00

00:43:46.000 She came across my radar because she's running for Congress in Westchester, the suburbs where I live. 1.00

00:43:54.000 Former Obama defense official admitted under oath that she lied on MSNBC about having Trump-Russia collusion evidence.

00:44:02.000 How is that not a career killer?

00:44:05.000 What's going on?

00:44:06.000 Where are the standards?

00:44:07.000 Where's the justice?

00:44:09.000 Like, why isn't she in jail? 1.00

00:44:11.000 She's running for Congress after this? 1.00

00:44:13.000 Isn't that kind of a smudge on your record?

00:44:18.000 Look at the other, the Lohud article.

00:44:20.000 According to the transcript, former Republican Trey Gowdy asked Farkas, you also didn't know whether or not anybody in the Trump campaign had colluded with Russia, did you?

00:44:31.000 I didn't, Farkas replied.

00:44:34.000 Well, then why did you say what you said?

00:44:36.000 And she says, oh, because I had a strong suspicion.

00:44:40.000 And then later when she's asked, so, and this is her being asked, so when you say we knew, the reality is you knew nothing.

00:44:49.000 And she goes, well, yeah, nothing that's been reported out in the press, that's not been in the press.

00:44:55.000 So she's sitting there saying, we have evidence.

00:44:58.000 And I don't even want to say, because I don't want you to attack our sources.

00:45:02.000 And then she says, in court, that was a lie.

00:45:05.000 Anyway, I'm running for Congress.

00:45:08.000 What?

00:45:09.000 And I was, remember the other day I was trying to remember, Jake Tapper had some major controversy, and I forgot about it. 0.99

00:45:15.000 And this is after he was ridiculed for stepping in shit, basically, on Twitter, when he said, the right has no bottom. 0.98

00:45:22.000 There's no low they won't stoop to. 0.99

00:45:24.000 And then people started listing CNN's lows.

00:45:27.000 They didn't even list the one when CNN doxed the guy who made a meme.

00:45:32.000 And they said, We have his home address.

00:45:37.000 We won't release it because he's promised he won't do it again.

00:45:40.000 But we're watching him.

00:45:41.000 We're monitoring him.

00:45:43.000 This is, I'm going crazy here.

00:45:45.000 Real quick, what was the name of that woman that took in the Antifa people?

00:45:49.000 She was like, it sounded like Evelyn Farkas.

00:45:54.000 Remember?

00:45:55.000 That little short Asian chick that got arrested? 1.00

00:45:57.000 She's like an Antifa? 1.00

00:45:59.000 Oh, that's not Evelyn Farkas.

00:46:01.000 Thanks, Ryan.

00:46:01.000 What is her name?

00:46:02.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:46:04.000 So I was trying to remember Tapper's controversy, and then I remembered it.

00:46:08.000 It's right below the left is above the law.

00:46:10.000 The DNC...

00:46:16.000 I mean the things below the things we've already discussed, but under that category.

00:46:22.000 Remember this story?

00:46:23.000 The DNC was on the phone and exchanging emails with Jake Tapper and Chuck Todd, and the DNC was feeding them questions.

00:46:33.000 The email was then forwarded to another DC staffer with a message that said, need to know ASAP if we want to offer Jake Tapper questions to ask us.

00:46:42.000 I mean, aren't you marched out of the building at that point?

00:46:45.000 Isn't that the end of your career?

00:46:47.000 Nope.

00:46:48.000 Still going.

00:46:50.000 He's still, wasn't he monitoring the presidential debates too?

00:46:54.000 Wasn't he the mediator for that? 1.00

00:46:58.000 Fucking mental, man. 1.00

00:47:00.000 All right. 1.00

00:47:02.000 I want to rip into this mailbag.

00:47:03.000 How are we doing for time?

00:47:06.000 We're at less than an hour, 48 minutes.

00:47:09.000 Well, good. 0.99

00:47:11.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a death. 0.99

00:47:16.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag. 1.00

00:47:21.000 Let me touch it.

00:47:24.000 So just to summarize, there's no justice.

00:47:27.000 The left is above the law.

00:47:30.000 And the job of police officer no longer exists.

00:47:35.000 So the answer is, if you want justice, you have to sue.

00:47:39.000 Lawfare is the only way to do it.

00:47:42.000 That's the only way I could fight back against the SPLC.

00:47:44.000 I couldn't defend myself on social media.

00:47:47.000 And it worked.

00:47:47.000 I decapitated the SPLC, and I haven't even started yet.

00:47:51.000 The complaint is still in the judge's hands.

00:47:53.000 He refused to dismiss it after the SPLC asked that he would.

00:47:58.000 I don't know when he will move forward.

00:48:02.000 Oh, Yvette Falarka.

00:48:03.000 Yeah, that's her name.

00:48:05.000 No, she didn't take them into her home.

00:48:07.000 It's not Yvonne Falarka.

00:48:09.000 It just sounded so familiar.

00:48:11.000 Yvette.

00:48:12.000 No, but what her people would do is they would put them up Antifa, homeless Antifa kids, little punk kids basically, in these houses that I'm told there is a tangential link to Soros, the owners of these homes.

00:48:29.000 And then these orphan kids would feel obligated to return the favor.

00:48:36.000 So they were like rounding up orphans, sort of like, you know, criminals.

00:48:39.000 They were making...

00:48:42.000 That's something someone should go to prison for.

00:48:44.000 Rounding up orphans and using them for violence.

00:48:47.000 Wait, her name is Yvette Falarca.

00:48:49.000 They got that wrong.

00:48:49.000 They said Yvette Flora.

00:48:50.000 That's what I just said.

00:48:51.000 Yeah, but that's Fox News proper.

00:48:53.000 That's really weird that they would.

00:48:55.000 I bet it's a chick. 1.00

00:48:56.000 No.

00:48:57.000 It's Edmund. 0.99

00:48:59.000 It's a pretty big fuck up. 0.98

00:49:00.000 And so you have to do your own research. 0.95

00:49:02.000 Like Joel Gilbert changed my life.

00:49:05.000 He got the truth out about Trayvon by just hitting the pavement.

00:49:09.000 Journalism is dead.

00:49:10.000 So if you want to find out what happened, you have to do it yourself. 0.96

00:49:14.000 And if you're like George Zimmerman and you get fucked over, you have to sue. 0.98

00:49:18.000 I don't like it. 0.99

00:49:19.000 British people, we're not Canadians.

00:49:22.000 We're not litigious.

00:49:24.000 We're not a litigious culture.

00:49:25.000 But it works.

00:49:27.000 So you leave me no choice.

00:49:32.000 Rob.

00:49:34.000 Hi, Gabby Hines.

00:49:36.000 That is an inside joke.

00:49:38.000 I got a call.

00:49:39.000 No one gets my name right on calls because it's usually Puerto Ricans, and I guess they don't know any Scottish people.

00:49:43.000 But I got a call from Con Ed, Affirmative Action Hire.

00:49:46.000 And she goes, hello, is this Cabby Hines?

00:49:50.000 And I go, wow.

00:49:52.000 How is it spelled there?

00:49:53.000 And she goes, oh, G-A-V-I-N, M-C-I-N-N-E-S. 0.99

00:49:58.000 And I go, all right, so let's just break this down.

00:50:01.000 So the M-C just vanishes into thin air.

00:50:04.000 And the double ends, they don't exist now.

00:50:07.000 They don't make a hard consonant, I mean a hard vowel.

00:50:10.000 So that's now I-N-E-S. 0.99

00:50:12.000 And then the V is a B. And how is a G a C?

00:50:16.000 That's what I don't get.

00:50:17.000 It's like, oh, I'm sorry, sir, if I pronounce your name wrong.

00:50:21.000 And why do you guys say pi-mini when you mean five minutes?

00:50:25.000 How do you get a p out of an F?

00:50:28.000 Now that's how guys talk to one another.

00:50:31.000 Ju shuga biba. 0.51

00:50:34.000 What?

00:50:34.000 That's not English.

00:50:37.000 You know what he was saying to me?

00:50:38.000 Should have got a minivan?

00:50:39.000 I should have got a minivan.

00:50:41.000 This is Northside Car Service in Williamsburg when I was carrying a big long painting I had bought and the edges were getting damaged in the car.

00:50:49.000 He's right.

00:50:52.000 But he can't speak English, even though he was probably born here.

00:50:56.000 I've always been curious about that weirdest tattoo near your left elbow.

00:50:59.000 And when you got it up, I've always known it looked familiar, and then I realized why.

00:51:02.000 I picked up some Jimmy John's today and noticed their logo, hoping you could shed some light. 0.98

00:51:07.000 What the fuck is he talking about? 0.99

00:51:09.000 Near your left elbow? 0.99

00:51:11.000 Near your left elbow?

00:51:17.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:51:18.000 Oh, wait, is it that?

00:51:22.000 This?

00:51:23.000 Because from far away it looks like two days.

00:51:28.000 You could zoom in on it, Ryan.

00:51:30.000 It's pretty uninteresting, but I have some tattoos of cute things about my kids.

00:51:35.000 And when my eldest boy was younger, he thought Jiminy Cricket's name was Crickety Cricket.

00:51:40.000 So this is done.

00:51:41.000 This is done by the guy, Jay Howell, who did the cartoon Sanjay and Craig.

00:51:46.000 So he thought Jiminy, that's a top hat.

00:51:48.000 He thought Jiminy Cricket's name was Crickety Cricket.

00:51:51.000 And I used to get him to say it all the time because he had a sort of a little kid lisp.

00:51:57.000 You want to show it again, real quick?

00:51:59.000 Well, I think we've seen it.

00:52:03.000 Am I mistaken, or is that what you think, Sadie?

00:52:04.000 Yeah, I think you're right. 1.00

00:52:05.000 What a stupid letter. 1.00

00:52:11.000 Zach, this is jiggle attempt number two. 1.00

00:52:14.000 The link works.

00:52:14.000 Wait for the jiggle and say wiener and poopmora.

00:52:16.000 The music in the vid is half the fun. 1.00

00:52:19.000 Love both of your shits. 1.00

00:52:23.000 Sounds like something, like some deep web nonsense. 0.99

00:52:26.000 An error occurred.

00:52:27.000 Please try again.

00:52:28.000 Sir, you are officially banned from the show.

00:52:32.000 We will never be reading a letter from Zach again. 0.99

00:52:37.000 And you again made it some stupid Google photo thing. 0.99

00:52:42.000 Yeah, why don't you just upload it to YouTube private fucking? 0.99

00:52:46.000 Like he said, no, this one works. 0.98

00:52:48.000 I got it right this time.

00:52:49.000 And he did the exact same thing.

00:52:51.000 In fact, I think he went message resend.

00:52:54.000 Yeah, I didn't see anyone. 0.99

00:52:56.000 I'm going to stab you, Zach. 1.00

00:52:57.000 You're banned. 1.00

00:52:58.000 Banned from the show.

00:52:59.000 You're banned. 1.00

00:53:03.000 Hey, Sailor Pants, an Uber fag. 1.00

00:53:06.000 Who's who? 1.00

00:53:06.000 Well, you're Uber Fag. 1.00

00:53:08.000 You called your apartment the fag zone. 1.00

00:53:09.000 I never did. 0.84

00:53:10.000 But why am I Sailor Pants?

00:53:11.000 It works.

00:53:14.000 Unbanned.

00:53:15.000 I had to download it.

00:53:20.000 Oh, geez.

00:53:21.000 Oh, there's not safe for work, I predict.

00:53:24.000 This is a teabagging.

00:53:28.000 All right. 1.00

00:53:29.000 Thanks for showing us your stupid antics that aren't funny. 1.00

00:53:32.000 Just keep that to yourselves. 1.00

00:53:33.000 Teabagging, that's funny amongst your circle of friends. 1.00

00:53:37.000 Like, don't send me someone with a penis on their forehead that's passed out. 1.00

00:53:40.000 How is that funny to me? 0.98

00:53:42.000 I've just finished reading Thomas Sowell's Intellectuals in Society, and wow, everyone should read this book.

00:53:47.000 It's astounding the amount of damage that intellectuals have done to society over the decades.

00:53:51.000 Sow Soul lays it out beautifully with fantastic research, but doesn't this quote just sum up intellectuals or snobs?

00:53:59.000 And then he has a Soul quote, which is, nothing is easier to detect than the absurdities of ideas in the past. 0.98

00:54:08.000 Nor are such absurdities simply those of the village idiot. 0.85

00:54:13.000 All too often they have been the absurdities of the village genius, who may not realize that the depth of his genius says nothing about the limits of its scope. 0.99

00:54:22.000 Moreover, the village idiot seems unlikely to have acquired the same influence as the village genius or to have some capacity for generating major disasters. 0.50

00:54:32.000 Intellect, even intellect that reaches the level of genius, is not the same as wisdom. 0.99

00:54:38.000 Yeah, that reminds me of in my fancy neighborhood, there was this like $2.5 million house, and it was in a neighborhood that is probably 99.8% white.

00:54:51.000 And in front of this massive, beautiful mansion, and it's not even on near like a roadway or anything.

00:54:58.000 It's really ensconced in the burbs.

00:55:00.000 So it was weird that I even came across it.

00:55:03.000 I was just kind of wandering on my bike with my kid.

00:55:05.000 And it said, Black Lives Matter.

00:55:10.000 What?

00:55:12.000 And I went to the local police.

00:55:14.000 I buy them subs sometimes from this really popular sub shop in the Bronx that cops love.

00:55:18.000 I was giving him subs.

00:55:20.000 And I told him about that.

00:55:22.000 And he goes, really? 1.00

00:55:24.000 He goes, it's weird in this area how people so educated could be so stupid. 1.00

00:55:31.000 Like, there's an argument if you're in, I don't know, the south side of Chicago and the black people dying and there's a shootout with the police and you lost your cousin. 0.99

00:55:40.000 Maybe I could understand that or you got some misinformation about Ferguson or something or you believe the Trayvon thing and you wanted to tell those police, but you're telling it to suburban police who will never touch their gun their entire career, I promise you, and who only do speeding.

00:55:56.000 Occasionally, they'll come up to your house if you were robbed by some tourist criminal.

00:56:02.000 Have your cell phone taken off your loan.

00:56:04.000 They might fill out a form.

00:56:05.000 They don't even fill out that form.

00:56:06.000 You fill out the form.

00:56:07.000 They'll take a complaint and file it. 0.99

00:56:09.000 And you're telling him not to kill black kids? 1.00

00:56:12.000 Okay, got it. 1.00

00:56:13.000 Thanks.

00:56:17.000 I'll try to tone down the child murders.

00:56:22.000 Hey, Gav, I saw you mentioned that your kids are getting free education.

00:56:26.000 I grew up in Nevada.

00:56:27.000 There's a ton of BIA land in there. 0.98

00:56:30.000 What's that mean again?

00:56:32.000 Indian land?

00:56:33.000 So I met a ton of natives.

00:56:34.000 Surprisingly, very few actually take advantage of this free education, though.

00:56:38.000 In grade school, I grew up learning about our expansion as positive.

00:56:41.000 Now in university, they teach it as a negative.

00:56:43.000 I see millions of dollars going to these native lands, and we still get berated about how bad we were to steal the land.

00:56:48.000 Their lives are better off because of Western expansion, how I see it. 0.98

00:56:52.000 Question, should we be allocating funds to these tribes in the degree to which we do?

00:56:56.000 How is it different than giving reparations to black Americans? 0.56

00:56:59.000 Good question.

00:57:00.000 My kids get a check every month, and my wife has received quite a large amount of money from her tribe.

00:57:09.000 And I brought up this question with her.

00:57:10.000 I said, is this because I stole your land?

00:57:12.000 She got very angry.

00:57:14.000 One of the few times she's really like, she gets pissed at me, but this was like fire and brimstone.

00:57:20.000 The only other time she got this mad was she was reading a book about divorce.

00:57:24.000 And I said, should that make me uneasy?

00:57:27.000 You're sitting here indulging in a book that's all about a woman who enjoyed her divorce.

00:57:32.000 And she goes, well, if there's one thing that pisses me off, it's people telling me what I should and shouldn't read.

00:57:38.000 I was like, oh, simmer down.

00:57:40.000 And this was another time.

00:57:42.000 So I said the land thing.

00:57:43.000 And she goes, we had a land deal.

00:57:46.000 The Ho-Chunks had a land deal. 1.00

00:57:47.000 They sent half the tribe to Nebraska and they kept coming back. 0.98

00:57:51.000 And they did it so many times that some stayed and they're called Winnebagos, but it's the same tribe.

00:57:56.000 We had a land deal with them to rectify this.

00:57:59.000 They signed it.

00:58:00.000 They didn't honor the deal that we signed.

00:58:00.000 It was cool.

00:58:04.000 Okay?

00:58:05.000 And now they are paying back the money with interest for what they did wrong.

00:58:10.000 It's a trust that's generating money in the stock market and we are getting the interest off the money that they agreed to pay us for our land.

00:58:18.000 So the fact that I get this money is because my ancestors did a good deal.

00:58:23.000 She goes, it's exactly like Daphne Guinness of the Guinness beer family.

00:58:28.000 She didn't do anything, but she gets checks because the guy who started Guinness, who I think did this by accident, invented Stout and started one of the most popular beers in the world.

00:58:40.000 That really put it into perspective for me.

00:58:41.000 Also, separately, her tribe owns a casino and she gets allocations as do my kids from the casino.

00:58:49.000 I don't really have a problem with that.

00:58:53.000 But they've got a lot of dough, that tribe.

00:58:55.000 Some tribes don't get any money.

00:58:57.000 Like, you know how everyone says they're Cherokee?

00:59:00.000 That's because Cherokees don't verify. 1.00

00:59:02.000 And you know why Cherokees don't verify? 1.00

00:59:03.000 Because they don't have any money.

00:59:05.000 So if they don't have land that has something, some sort of resource, or they didn't do a good deal, they don't get any money.

00:59:12.000 There's 3,000 tribes in America.

00:59:14.000 They all get treated differently.

00:59:17.000 Some of them get dope, some of them don't.

00:59:20.000 So no, I don't think you should just get money because we were mean to you.

00:59:23.000 You were mean to us, too.

00:59:24.000 It was a 400-year fight.

00:59:27.000 It was a good deal.

00:59:28.000 Frankly, there are a lot of Native American deals, but frankly, this one was quite great. 0.83

00:59:37.000 I call him Joe Who Sleeps.

00:59:41.000 Here's a disturbing letter.

00:59:46.000 Dear Gavin and Mayor of Fag Zone. 1.00

00:59:48.000 I don't know who he is.

00:59:49.000 He's not the mayor.

00:59:50.000 He just lives in it.

00:59:51.000 Who?

00:59:52.000 After watching more of your shows, I'm starting to worry that you are the next Perry project.

00:59:56.000 Ryan's ceaseless means of screwing up is similar to that of Moll's.

01:00:00.000 Oh, Schnepp.

01:00:02.000 That makes me feel like it's a matter of time.

01:00:03.000 I find it next to impossible for him to mess up so badly and frequently.

01:00:06.000 This has led me to believe that he is a prank on you.

01:00:11.000 An example of his deception is that, like Mole, he is wearing a wig.

01:00:16.000 The constant messing with his hair is an indication of such.

01:00:20.000 We all know that you are on good terms with Jimmy Kimmel.

01:00:22.000 You're not on good terms with Jimmy Kimmel anymore.

01:00:24.000 And I think that since he was the one who produced Windy City Heat, what would stop him from doing the same to you?

01:00:30.000 He did write Hillary on my motorcycle helmet in Black Marker.

01:00:34.000 He has been mean to me before.

01:00:36.000 I never did that.

01:00:37.000 Gavin, wake up before it's too late.

01:00:38.000 Here is video proof that Ryan is lying to you.

01:00:40.000 You can see the real Ryan playing with his band in the video attached. 0.95

01:00:44.000 You can confirm that it is him due to his obvious inspiration of his taste in shitty music. 0.94

01:00:50.000 Wait, where the hell is that? 0.97

01:00:55.000 Wait, that's something the same thing.

01:00:57.000 Yes, it is.

01:00:57.000 Charles.

01:00:58.000 Gavin, I'm worried.

01:01:01.000 Wait a minute.

01:01:02.000 Is this you proving that he's right?

01:01:04.000 No.

01:01:05.000 Oh, you just got this, isn't it?

01:01:06.000 Pretending you can't understand this?

01:01:09.000 That's not me.

01:01:12.000 So you've done other characters in the past.

01:01:14.000 That's not me.

01:01:16.000 Doesn't even look like me.

01:01:18.000 Alright, it looks a little like me, but his teeth are way nicer.

01:01:21.000 No, they're not.

01:01:22.000 His teeth are straighter.

01:01:27.000 How did he know this exists?

01:01:33.000 It sounds almost as good as Aboriginal music.

01:01:36.000 Remember that woman?

01:01:37.000 How that would take too long to find and you're terrible at finding anything?

01:01:41.000 There was, it was my favorite thing for about a year and a half.

01:01:45.000 I was obsessed with two Aboriginal musicians and a tranny on the piani. 1.00

01:01:50.000 And it was from Australia, obviously.

01:01:52.000 And so the pianist was fairly good.

01:01:55.000 I mean, it is a man.

01:01:56.000 And he's like, oh, the people will change and change happens to them.

01:02:04.000 Something like that, like that level of good with an okay piano thing.

01:02:07.000 And then they would cut to the Abbos who were sitting next to them and they would just go, and they had two sticks that they were just going, oh, you found it. 0.98

01:02:18.000 This is that show Q and Day on API.

01:02:20.000 Are you worried that you got caught being mole?

01:02:23.000 By the kindness of your nature.

01:02:27.000 And do you know for sure that this audience is ultra, ultra left?

01:02:31.000 Because take it away, Aboriginals. 1.00

01:02:37.000 Yes, I'm nodding to you.

01:02:39.000 Go.

01:02:39.000 It's your turn.

01:02:41.000 Go.

01:02:43.000 Action, Olsen.

01:02:44.000 Action.

01:02:53.000 He laughs.

01:02:54.000 Pardon? 1.00

01:02:59.000 He's laughing at how much we suck. 1.00

01:02:59.000 We suck. 1.00

01:03:01.000 And either the music was striking on her spit and woke up, or she started laughing and triggered her husband to start laughing. 0.99

01:03:10.000 Which one's the husband?

01:03:11.000 It just sounds so bad.

01:03:13.000 I don't know what gender any of these people are.

01:03:17.000 That's your musical instrument?

01:03:19.000 That's the musical instrument of a baby.

01:03:24.000 Like, even a seven-year-old will come up with some little zip, chick, chick, chip, chick.

01:03:28.000 Just like Dinner for Schmuck's concert version.

01:03:31.000 Is this Tranny really pissed off? 1.00

01:03:33.000 Is he thinking this is pissed off?

01:03:36.000 That person has no standards.

01:03:38.000 No, they're not pissed.

01:03:41.000 Those abos can do no wrong in that guy's eyes. 1.00

01:03:43.000 Hey, Kevin and Ryan, I have a feeling you're going to stop listening to viewer-suggested music pretty soon, because it's...

01:03:55.000 How about Lick the Bag by the Viagra Boys?

01:03:58.000 No, thank you.

01:03:59.000 Hey, Kevin and Ryan, something that should be so obvious to people who believe in the mystery that settlers intentionally infecting natives never consider is germ theory.

01:04:06.000 Germ theory was not discovered until the 1850s and not widely understood until the 1890s.

01:04:12.000 This does not line up with when settlers are accused of having such a vast understanding of biology that they knew more about disease than the top scientists of the time.

01:04:22.000 Like you more than a friend, Hannah.

01:04:23.000 Great point, Hannah.

01:04:25.000 That song ain't bad, though. 0.99

01:04:28.000 Isn't it funny how, speaking of Fatassi's factory settings, how long it takes to unravel the bullshit they put in your head? 0.99

01:04:36.000 Like Canadian education with the Indians is brutal. 1.00

01:04:41.000 The guilt is just, we were horrible.

01:04:41.000 Brutal.

01:04:44.000 And we weren't even, we didn't really fight them very much.

01:04:47.000 That's true.

01:04:48.000 That was the American thing.

01:04:50.000 We just showed up with British people.

01:04:51.000 There wasn't that many of us.

01:04:53.000 The subs.

01:04:57.000 Check out this Karen PSA on my gas can.

01:05:00.000 Gasoline and fire never mix.

01:05:02.000 There is no safe way to start a fire with gasoline.

01:05:05.000 Make sure your children know.

01:05:07.000 Talk to your kids about gas and fire.

01:05:10.000 Share a video of a burn survivor or burn survivor Austin Bailiff at Stop Gas Fires. 1.00

01:05:18.000 Who is this bitch? 1.00

01:05:19.000 Oh, he was just 14. 1.00

01:05:21.000 It still hurts to think how everything changed in an instant, but I am so grateful he survived.

01:05:26.000 Tammy Bailiff. 0.94

01:05:28.000 Thank you for the wake-up call.

01:05:31.000 Again, this is how I feel about like trucks backing.

01:05:34.000 Nice job, Ryan.

01:05:36.000 This is how I feel about trucks backing up.

01:05:38.000 How many kids are hurt with gas and fire?

01:05:41.000 Do we really need to waste all our time?

01:05:44.000 The ladder we use at the green screen.

01:05:46.000 I'll show it to you. 1.00

01:05:53.000 this Austin Bailiff Look at this shit. 1.00

01:06:02.000 You see this? 1.00

01:06:03.000 Hey, this isn't a step.

01:06:05.000 Don't step here.

01:06:06.000 Oh, danger, danger, danger.

01:06:08.000 Oh, this is danger.

01:06:10.000 Do not stand above this level.

01:06:12.000 Oh, here's a big, huge, long essay on how dangerous this tiny ladder is.

01:06:17.000 Oh, and just in case you missed it, there's a diagram here on this side.

01:06:21.000 Danger, danger.

01:06:22.000 Oh, danger.

01:06:23.000 Don't stand here.

01:06:24.000 Danger, danger. 1.00

01:06:26.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:06:30.000 Could you hear that okay? 1.00

01:06:36.000 Is it because people get sued?

01:06:37.000 Or are there just too many women involved in manufacturing? 1.00

01:06:41.000 Gavin, on Monday's show, you said that Washington State might be going red due to lockdown protests in Spokane.

01:06:46.000 I live in Walla Walla on the east side, and we had a little protest recently, too.

01:06:51.000 So I hope you're right, but I'm not so optimistic.

01:06:53.000 Washington does all mail-in ballots, and it's been highly suspect before. 0.98

01:06:58.000 Oh, shit, I didn't know that. 0.99

01:07:00.000 What? 1.00

01:07:01.000 If you do mail-ins, you're Democratic because they play dirty pool.

01:07:06.000 It's crazy.

01:07:08.000 Have you ever heard much about the 2004 Gober national election here?

01:07:11.000 Even just look at the Wikipedia page, especially the section on discovered ballots.

01:07:15.000 Literally unbelievable coincidences and fishy rule bending.

01:07:18.000 The King County Seattle Council chairman just happened to discover that his own ballot was among those that weren't counted.

01:07:26.000 And they found some hidden boxes of votes.

01:07:29.000 And there's this.

01:07:30.000 Washington State allows for election officials to evaluate voter intent and correct ballots so that the machines can properly read them.

01:07:38.000 For example, on a Scantron or other optical ballot, an election official might fill in a circle that was not properly marked so that the machine may record the vote.

01:07:50.000 Unless it's a landslide, I doubt GOP can win here anytime soon.

01:07:53.000 If we allow mail-in voting swing states, we'll use Hillary's as far as the eye can see. 1.00

01:07:57.000 And even without it, there's probably going to be lots of fraud in 2020.

01:08:00.000 So we can't be complacent thinking a senile puppet can't win.

01:08:06.000 I feel very confident that the senile puppet can't win.

01:08:11.000 I know people that, and by the way, I'll double confirm that Washington thing because it might have been an area of Tacoma.

01:08:19.000 Gavin, how do you feel about your kids getting tattoos in the future?

01:08:22.000 My daughter cannot have more than this total surface area.

01:08:27.000 My sons, I don't care, but they're not getting their necks or anything below the sweater.

01:08:33.000 But I don't think they'll want to get tattoos. 0.99

01:08:35.000 They've been looking at my stupid tattoos my whole life. 0.99

01:08:37.000 My brother doesn't have any tattoos. 1.00

01:08:39.000 You're like a walking PSA.

01:08:42.000 I heard Keith Richards kids say that.

01:08:45.000 They go, we never really drank.

01:08:46.000 Because when we think of booze, we think of our dad asleep on the couch at 2 p.m.

01:08:51.000 And it was like a long-standing gross.

01:08:57.000 I'm trying to bid on a new place.

01:09:01.000 And the owners came up a bit.

01:09:04.000 Didn't like my first offer, obviously.

01:09:07.000 And I'm like, should we come up a bit?

01:09:09.000 And then my wife sends me a thing that says, an article that says people who make, I was just telling Michelle this, people who make quick decisions tend to have happier lives.

01:09:18.000 And I go, I'm the king of quick decisions.

01:09:20.000 She goes, yeah, I've seen your tattoos.

01:09:24.000 That was pretty much.

01:09:29.000 My wife roasts me. 1.00

01:09:31.000 And then my daughter, I told you what she said, right?

01:09:33.000 No.

01:09:34.000 This roasting.

01:09:35.000 I go, these glasses are the original Wayfares that Buddy Holly had, and they're a little bit thicker.

01:09:41.000 But I think they're, I like them.

01:09:43.000 I think, I like wearing the authentic thing.

01:09:45.000 Chuck Taylor's, Fred Perry, Levi's.

01:09:48.000 I like wearing the thing from the 50s.

01:09:50.000 What do you think of them?

01:09:51.000 And she goes, whatever, Daria.

01:09:54.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

01:09:55.000 And then her friend was there, and her friend goes, spreading coronavirus all over the fucking backyard. 1.00

01:10:03.000 Corona laugh on you? 1.00

01:10:04.000 How mean is that?

01:10:06.000 And those are round.

01:10:07.000 That's inaccurate.

01:10:08.000 I'm going to send that to her.

01:10:08.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:10:10.000 I'm going to text her that.

01:10:11.000 I looked up Daria and the glasses are round, so it doesn't even make any sense.

01:10:18.000 And then she'll have whatever and something way meaner. 0.99

01:10:20.000 It just wouldn't be.

01:10:21.000 Yeah, it just took you three days.

01:10:24.000 Nice snappy comeback.

01:10:27.000 Okay, let's end with this.

01:10:28.000 So start with this has 10 million views.

01:10:31.000 No, no, start with this.

01:10:32.000 I never heard of this guy before, DJ Keemstar.

01:10:35.000 But I think this guy might be a bigger douche than Jim Carrey.

01:10:40.000 Churches. 0.99

01:10:43.000 Let's get pumpkins and smash them on churches. 0.99

01:10:46.000 Let's get pumpkins and smash them on churches. 0.99

01:10:49.000 Okay. 0.78

01:10:50.000 Yep, I did that when I was 10.

01:10:56.000 Look at the way they dress.

01:10:57.000 Is that all Walmart clothes?

01:11:01.000 It's like 90s streetwear.

01:11:04.000 Look at those big baggy jeans.

01:11:06.000 Look at this move.

01:11:10.000 Are they making fun of someone who thinks they're being a bad boy?

01:11:16.000 You know what I mean?

01:11:17.000 Because I remember, just pause.

01:11:18.000 When I was in eighth grade, I walked into my class and I was doing that as a joke. 1.00

01:11:22.000 Like, this class is stupid. 0.99

01:11:24.000 And I flicked a paper like this. 1.00

01:11:27.000 Like, this is dumb. 0.97

01:11:28.000 And then I flicked the chalk and I was being a guy. 0.99

01:11:30.000 I wasn't really thinking the chalk is dumb. 0.86

01:11:32.000 I was just being funny. 1.00

01:11:32.000 Like, I hate this stupid page. 1.00

01:11:35.000 The teacher had a fucking meltdown. 1.00

01:11:37.000 He goes, Get the fucking all now. 1.00

01:11:40.000 I was like, Whoa, whoa, I'm doing a guy. 1.00

01:11:44.000 He completely snapped like a twig.

01:11:46.000 When they believed the camera killed me.

01:11:48.000 Yeah, it was like the straw that broke the camel's back, and he went up.

01:11:52.000 I've only seen a teacher freak out like that one other time, and it was Monsieur Canard.

01:11:58.000 We have French teachers a lot in Canada, and that sounds like Canard, which is a duck.

01:12:04.000 So we pretended we didn't understand his name for like months.

01:12:09.000 And French people are spoiled. 1.00

01:12:11.000 They're an aggrieved minority group that gets whatever they want. 1.00

01:12:14.000 French signs in Vancouver, 3,000 miles away, no problem.

01:12:18.000 So they're not used to conflict or being made fun of.

01:12:20.000 They can't take it.

01:12:21.000 They're literally spoiled brats. 1.00

01:12:24.000 So when you fuck with them, they have a conniption. 1.00

01:12:27.000 And they suck at sports, too. 1.00

01:12:28.000 Whenever an English school plays a French school, we would always win because they just, they couldn't handle the confrontation. 1.00

01:12:34.000 Soccer, baseball, anything, we always crushed them. 1.00

01:12:37.000 Fucking pussies. 1.00

01:12:40.000 What are you doing, you retard? 1.00

01:12:42.000 Steven Crowder's quebequoy guy is perfect. 0.99

01:12:46.000 But we go, Mr. Kennard, quiz queu en va faire.

01:12:53.000 And he goes, canard.

01:12:56.000 And then one time he just, someone says, Monsieur Cunnard, we did it for weeks.

01:13:04.000 And he goes, my name, yes.

01:13:07.000 Like, I can't do it.

01:13:08.000 I'll be hoarse.

01:13:10.000 Canard.

01:13:11.000 And he takes the chalk.

01:13:12.000 You'll be cheval.

01:13:14.000 He writes canard on the chalkboard so hard that the chalk keeps breaking.

01:13:19.000 So he keeps having to get new pieces for every letter as he writes canard.

01:13:23.000 And we're all like, okay, okay.

01:13:25.000 I thought it was canard. 1.00

01:13:29.000 Holy shit, we were so mean. 1.00

01:13:31.000 The pettiness of this is so great. 0.99

01:13:34.000 Oh, that should be the game.

01:13:35.000 Like, how, let's see if we can make the supply teacher crack. 1.00

01:13:38.000 That's why I was put in the retard class because no one wanted me around. 1.00

01:13:41.000 Isn't it funny how good your character worked, though?

01:13:43.000 Like, your folk school.

01:13:45.000 Yeah, but it wasn't, the guy wasn't made to make you mad.

01:13:49.000 The guy was a parody of a big child.

01:13:51.000 Mr. Cotter, like Mr. Cotter kid.

01:13:53.000 That looks like what they're doing here.

01:13:55.000 This other teacher, Mr. Amlin, I made him quit teaching.

01:13:59.000 I had a teacher quit.

01:14:00.000 Nice.

01:14:00.000 Miss Detroit, yeah.

01:14:01.000 And Miss Aaron remarked me like three years later, she saw my mom.

01:14:05.000 She was like, I still don't forget Ryan.

01:14:07.000 Like she made me question being a teacher or something like that.

01:14:10.000 I made two teachers cry, I think, in total.

01:14:12.000 Oh, nice.

01:14:13.000 Miss Detroit and Miss Aaron.

01:14:15.000 What's your technique?

01:14:16.000 What's your text?

01:14:18.000 There's no rhyme or reason.

01:14:19.000 There's just whatever's the most fun thing to do.

01:14:21.000 I'll just do that thing.

01:14:22.000 But it's not supposed to be destructive.

01:14:24.000 It's just, you know.

01:14:25.000 I would just hold up the class.

01:14:27.000 Like, okay, Mr. Hamlin was like, okay, we are going...

01:14:33.000 They think they're black or something.

01:14:34.000 We're going to do a class project.

01:14:36.000 We're going to make a class for 2020.

01:14:41.000 And this class is going to be what it's going to be like in the future.

01:14:44.000 So let's take suggestions.

01:14:46.000 We could make it very futuristic and fancy, or it could be like a dystopia where the desks are on the side.

01:14:53.000 And Mr. Hamlin, I think that it's not a given that adults will be teachers in the future.

01:14:59.000 So I'll be the teacher in this class.

01:15:01.000 And then you can just be one of the students.

01:15:03.000 Maybe you have a detention or something like that. 1.00

01:15:06.000 And he's like, fuck, this kid is driving me crazy. 0.99

01:15:10.000 I remember his report card said, Gavin bubbles with energy in the classroom, but it can be distracting to my class. 0.99

01:15:18.000 And then at the end of the year, we had like a big bowl of Mars bars or something, Henry bars.

01:15:25.000 And he goes, Gavin, can I talk to you for a second?

01:15:28.000 And I go, okay.

01:15:31.000 And so we go, and I just had zero respect for him.

01:15:34.000 Like, you can, you know how Alpha can smell fear in a beta?

01:15:38.000 I could just smell that he was weak.

01:15:40.000 He's trying to couch out to you?

01:15:42.000 Yeah.

01:15:42.000 And so he comes out and he has a Mars bar.

01:15:45.000 And he goes, Gavin, we have had our ups and downs this year.

01:15:50.000 And I know sometimes you've been mad at me, I've been mad at you, but I think at the end of the year, we can both agree that we learned some things from each other.

01:16:00.000 And I want to say that we should remember this year as friends. 0.97

01:16:04.000 And he hands me the Mars bar, and I go, there's a whole fucking bowl of them inside. 0.99

01:16:09.000 Oh, no. 0.98

01:16:10.000 And left him standing there with a Mars bar in his hand.

01:16:13.000 Oh, that's so bad.

01:16:15.000 That makes me, like, really sad.

01:16:17.000 Oh, it was fun.

01:16:19.000 He has this token of candy. 1.00

01:16:22.000 He was a pussy. 1.00

01:16:23.000 He had to be destroyed. 1.00

01:16:26.000 I remember I tried, I faked the teacher out, like, everything that I would say would be just be distraction or vulgar.

01:16:31.000 And then one time I raised my hand, she was talking about like PM and AM.

01:16:34.000 And I was like, a good way to remember PM is later is it comes later in the alphabet.

01:16:38.000 She was like, that's right.

01:16:41.000 She was like so surprised it had anything to do with what she was talking about.

01:16:45.000 I remember one time, I told this story before, Mr. Brown, this is before I was sent to the retard class. 1.00

01:16:50.000 He said, okay, we have a thing on its dress code, but it's really from the 70s when girls were wearing short shorts and crop tops. 0.99

01:16:57.000 And this is the 80s and you guys are dressed pretty normal.

01:17:00.000 So I don't even know why I have to read this, but I have to.

01:17:03.000 So he starts going through it and I was like, Mr. Brown?

01:17:05.000 Mr. Brown?

01:17:06.000 Yeah, I've been through this myself and I read over this document this morning.

01:17:11.000 And it looks like the safest way to avoid all of these traps is for everyone to come nude.

01:17:17.000 So I think we should all come nude tomorrow.

01:17:19.000 And then he said, do you want to start the trend, Mr. McInnes?

01:17:24.000 And then I said, ladies first. 1.00

01:17:28.000 Genius.

01:17:29.000 All my detentions are always for zingers. 1.00

01:17:32.000 I was enriching the class life and you rocked me in a room with retards and with a rapist. 1.00

01:17:38.000 That teacher, Mr. Gunn, for the retard class, ended up grabbing Donna DeLiva's tits. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Wow. 1.00

01:17:43.000 And he was fired. 0.99

01:17:44.000 Holy crap. 0.96

01:17:46.000 Sorry, I was so funny. 0.98

01:17:47.000 It's like being banned from Twitter for jokes or the judge saying my speech incited violence.

01:17:53.000 It's all fun stuff, guys.

01:17:55.000 I'm just trying to share the joy.

01:17:57.000 Yeah, they'd have to. 1.00

01:17:58.000 You'd lock me in with retards and a giant rapist. 1.00

01:18:00.000 It's so fun. 0.99

01:18:01.000 I have, my mom saved some of the write-ups I would get.

01:18:05.000 And I read some of it.

01:18:06.000 I don't even remember some of my hits.

01:18:07.000 Like, I would get kids coming up to me and be like, dude, remember when you did that and you broke the sink?

01:18:12.000 And then I was like, I do remember that.

01:18:14.000 But that's not the one.

01:18:15.000 That's not the one that I remembered before.

01:18:17.000 That wasn't one of my hits.

01:18:18.000 I remember one time we snuck into the equipment room at lunch and it was like the equipment room for the gym.

01:18:25.000 So it was like, I don't know, hockey sticks and shit where they store it all.

01:18:29.000 And I look around and Steve, the same guy who threw the cinder block through the windshield. 0.98

01:18:32.000 Yeah, yeah, Steve.

01:18:33.000 I turn around.

01:18:33.000 He's just taking a huge dump.

01:18:36.000 And not telling everybody, hey, look. 0.98

01:18:37.000 No, he just lay a big turd.

01:18:44.000 The janitor, I'm not saying all of our hijinks were cool.

01:18:47.000 Some of them were just by regret. 1.00

01:18:49.000 And that, like, that poor janitor had to be like, Jesus, fucking Christian. 0.99

01:18:55.000 We used to have this thing at the Earl of March High School in Canada called Pooh Downs. 1.00

01:19:00.000 And we would just say, calling a poo down. 1.00

01:19:03.000 And you'd have to go and try to poo. 0.62

01:19:05.000 Wow.

01:19:06.000 And sometimes, you know, you'd get a raisin out.

01:19:08.000 Pete McCarthy would sort of stand like that with his feet on the lid.

01:19:12.000 And obviously, I don't know why we did this game because obviously the guy who's calling the poo down has to go poo and he's going to win.

01:19:17.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97

01:19:18.000 So one time we go there and Paul McCarthy goes, guys, you're not going to fucking believe this. 0.92

01:19:25.000 And we go, calm down. 0.98

01:19:27.000 Opens up the stall.

01:19:28.000 There's a turd that is bigger than this.

01:19:31.000 Wow.

01:19:32.000 It's just a bit bigger than this. 0.99

01:19:33.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:19:34.000 And we go, it's literally. 0.99

01:19:35.000 And Paul's like, it's unflushable.

01:19:38.000 So he starts flushing it and it just, it makes a bridge every time.

01:19:42.000 Wow.

01:19:42.000 So then at the peak of their freakout, I go, Excalibur.

01:19:46.000 I pick up this shit. 0.99

01:19:47.000 And they're all going, oh my God. 1.00

01:19:50.000 It breaks apart in my hands.

01:19:54.000 So then I made a flyer and it said at the top, hey, poo fans. 1.00

01:19:59.000 And then it had a big drawing of a bull with a giant turd in it.

01:20:03.000 And it said, we found this bull, this 13-inch turd in the upstairs bathroom yesterday at 1 p.m.

01:20:10.000 Who did it?

01:20:11.000 Are you responsible?

01:20:12.000 We want to shake your hand.

01:20:13.000 You have a gift.

01:20:15.000 Please meet us tomorrow at 1 p.m. in the same stall it happened.

01:20:20.000 I think we said to claim your prize.

01:20:21.000 So the flyer had hey poo fans with a huge drawing of a turd and then the text here. 0.90

01:20:27.000 And you couldn't photocopy in the school.

01:20:29.000 The teachers did that.

01:20:30.000 So I would bring it to teachers and go, hey, can you make 10 copies of this, please?

01:20:34.000 Or 20 copies of this?

01:20:36.000 And they're like, yes, whatever. 0.96

01:20:38.000 And the teachers were so bad and so uninterested in our lives and so lazy and shitty that we made about 100 copies using four teachers. 0.88

01:20:47.000 They were just like, and they're like, here's your stack. 0.70

01:20:53.000 Thanks.

01:20:54.000 Guess you don't know how to read or look at poo. 0.99

01:21:00.000 One time we would sneak into the gym at lunch and the teachers are all like eating their lunch, smoking, they don't care.

01:21:05.000 And we would lock the doors and then we pull out the mats, like the gymnastic mats, and then like do a backflip off the basketball net onto these giant mats.

01:21:15.000 And then as we're doing this, there's the school stereo, cheap candle stereo.

01:21:21.000 That's the manufacturer. 0.98

01:21:22.000 And Clinton Bedecki was a little fucked in the heady. 0.95

01:21:25.000 And he's like, hey, guys, check it out. 0.97

01:21:28.000 He picks up the entire stereo and it was on the stage and just goes, and we're all sitting there going, that's so great.

01:21:38.000 And it just goes, shatters into a million pieces. 0.99

01:21:42.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:21:43.000 And just run out of there. 1.00

01:21:44.000 The running is the best part. 1.00

01:21:46.000 What a psycho. 0.73

01:21:47.000 One time it was me and two other friends. 0.95

01:21:50.000 We were like, just, we wanted to run the track in our underwear, you know, during gym.

01:21:54.000 And we pushed the door open.

01:21:56.000 So we're out there running.

01:21:57.000 And it's like freezing cold.

01:21:58.000 There's snow on the ground. 0.61

01:21:59.000 And Miss Ferran, Coach Feran, she's like one of the lesbian ladies, we could hear her opening the door. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Dude, dude, she's coming.

01:22:06.000 And she opens the door and then I just lay flat on the track like this, like on the snow.

01:22:10.000 I think you're going to be invisible.

01:22:10.000 And I'm naked.

01:22:11.000 It's so cold.

01:22:12.000 I was.

01:22:13.000 She didn't see me.

01:22:14.000 She looked really.

01:22:14.000 I saw her look outside like this, like, then went back in.

01:22:19.000 And were you new to wearing underwear?

01:22:20.000 Underwear.

01:22:21.000 It would have been great if I was new, but I mean.

01:22:23.000 Did I ever tell you about the time, speaking of things flying through the air?

01:22:28.000 So my mom has a hell of a temper, so all Scottish people do. 1.00

01:22:31.000 And I go, my college was about half an hour from the house.

01:22:38.000 And so I go, I'm by the rec room in this place.

01:22:41.000 And it's, you know, colleges are kind of hard to navigate, especially when you're looking to park and stuff.

01:22:45.000 So I told her where I was.

01:22:47.000 And then half an hour later, I don't see her there. 1.00

01:22:49.000 And I'm like, oh, shit, she's going to have a meltdown. 0.99

01:22:52.000 And I don't live at home anymore. 0.99

01:22:53.000 I was just, she was going to pick me up and I would go hang out there, say hi to my brother or whatever.

01:22:58.000 And I'm like, oh, God, she's really going to freak out.

01:23:00.000 It's been, it's been 40 minutes, which means she's been walking around for 10 minutes.

01:23:04.000 She's going to blow her top. 1.00

01:23:06.000 And so I'm getting nervous because I don't want to deal with this crazy woman. 0.98

01:23:10.000 And I'm running over here, running over there, trying to see if I can find her.

01:23:13.000 And there was this weird area at Carleton University that was just like a badly designed area.

01:23:19.000 It was like near the pavilion, what was it called?

01:23:23.000 Portland Hall, something like that.

01:23:25.000 And then near, so it was just a long, long cement hallway that was about 20 feet wide that served no purpose, wasn't a thoroughfare.

01:23:33.000 But students loved it because they filled it with tables and it was total and utter silence.

01:23:38.000 It was more silent than the library.

01:23:40.000 And it was cool and you could really concentrate, I guess.

01:23:43.000 So I finally see her and she's about 50, 100 feet away at the other end of it, right?

01:23:51.000 It's really long.

01:23:52.000 And she goes, I see her and I go, okay, here we go.

01:23:55.000 And across, mostly Asians, by the way, studying. 0.99

01:23:57.000 And across like basically China's population of Asians, she goes, where the fuck have you been? 0.98

01:24:06.000 And I just thought, I don't need this hassle in my life. 0.97

01:24:09.000 You wanted me to come home and visit.

01:24:11.000 And I said, okay.

01:24:13.000 And I just went, you know what? 1.00

01:24:15.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:24:17.000 Which, oh my God. 1.00

01:24:19.000 So she goes, fuck me. 1.00

01:24:23.000 No, fuck you. 1.00

01:24:27.000 She grabs one of these steel chairs that are from like the 80s and whips it. 1.00

01:24:35.000 I love Shin Flying.

01:24:37.000 It's great.

01:24:38.000 Over the entire thing, it couldn't have been launched better from a cannon.

01:24:42.000 It just went, and again, it was just like Clinton Bedecki's stereotype.

01:24:45.000 It was just like, shoom, shoom. 0.91

01:24:47.000 And all the Chinese kids are just going, oh, shoot. 1.00

01:24:50.000 As this soars through the air, and it just goes, I just leave the room as it's in midair.

01:24:55.000 And as the door closed behind me, I hear it go, it was like a really steel chair, like, you know, modern, what are they called?

01:25:02.000 It's got that Dutch modern or whatever, like themes kind of a thing.

01:25:05.000 And it just, and it's all steel and plastic.

01:25:07.000 And I just heard like, bang, bing, bang, bounce.

01:25:10.000 Bing, bang, as it bounced around and echoed in the cement room. 0.99

01:25:15.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:25:16.000 I would have watched it, but it's cooler to walk away, I suppose. 1.00

01:25:20.000 Or another time, I was a chatty guy, and I was happy to be out of the retard class. 1.00

01:25:26.000 So at 3.20, when the bell rang, I would sit and chat and talk to people.

01:25:30.000 And maybe by the time I left the school, it would be like me and the janitor.

01:25:34.000 And then I would get on the bus.

01:25:37.000 So I'm doing my chatting and my socializing and talking to every single person in the entire school.

01:25:43.000 And then I'm on the bus.

01:25:45.000 It was far away, the Earl of March.

01:25:47.000 I didn't live there.

01:25:48.000 I lived in Broadwaywood.

01:25:49.000 But I'm on the public transit bus going back home. 0.98

01:25:53.000 And I hear these people, these other kids in the bus, and they go, holy shit, did you hear about that Scottish couple that was at the office? 1.00

01:26:03.000 And they go, yeah, what the fuck? 1.00

01:26:05.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:26:05.000 Yeah, they were screaming at the principal and swearing and stuff. 1.00

01:26:10.000 And I think one of them, the dad punched a hole in the wall. 0.99

01:26:13.000 They were like crazy Scottish lunatics screaming. 1.00

01:26:17.000 And then I went, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:26:19.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:26:20.000 We were going away on a vacation and my dad got off work early to beat the traffic.

01:26:26.000 And I was supposed to go straight home.

01:26:27.000 Oh, my God.

01:26:28.000 And I'm an hour late.

01:26:30.000 So he didn't have to take work off early.

01:26:33.000 And we're now going to hit traffic.

01:26:34.000 I totally skipped my mind.

01:26:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:26:37.000 So I get to the driveway, and my mother's like this in the car.

01:26:44.000 And my dad is sitting with his hands on the wheel in the parked car, and he's sort of bobbing.

01:26:50.000 And I found out later, like a year later, because this was a touchy subject for a long time. 0.99

01:26:54.000 I found out like a year later that he had said, if he lies, I'm going to fucking murder him. 1.00

01:27:02.000 If the first thing that comes out of his mouth is a lie, he's fucking dead. 1.00

01:27:07.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:27:08.000 And so guess what came out of my mouth? 0.99

01:27:11.000 So I run up and I see them and I go, guys, you are not going to believe this.

01:27:17.000 But there was a bus and he goes, right.

01:27:23.000 That's it.

01:27:24.000 And he gets out of the car and he picks me up by my neck.

01:27:27.000 Oh, wow.

01:27:28.000 And my legs are like, whoa, whoa, whoa. 0.99

01:27:30.000 And he's like, you fucking don't you dare. 0.95

01:27:33.000 And I'm like, well, and then he walks me up the like walkway to the front door. 1.00

01:27:38.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:27:39.000 And then slams me so hard against the door that it rips the siding off with the deadbolt. 0.99

01:27:46.000 The door comes flying open and then he falls on top of me with the impact. 1.00

01:27:50.000 So I have this purple, crazy Scotsman who looks exactly like Groundskeeper Willie going, Willie, but fuck it. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Scream with spit going in my face. 1.00

01:27:59.000 Holy trauma.

01:28:00.000 Oh, and by the way, I have like, I couldn't look more annoying.

01:28:04.000 I have like a purple mohawk with a snakeskin shirt that has like safety pins with little chains on them and stuff.

01:28:10.000 We're rooting for the person you want to marry.

01:28:12.000 No matter what the context, we're rooting for that guy.

01:28:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:28:15.000 Like if I saw that happening now, I'd go, good, fucking give a kick for me. 0.99

01:28:19.000 That's clearly the bad guy. 0.99

01:28:23.000 Just your energy just said, guys, you are.

01:28:26.000 That's it. 1.00

01:28:27.000 Just door open fucking. 1.00

01:28:29.000 One time, he's really big on instructions. 0.99

01:28:32.000 You have to follow the instructions page by page.

01:28:35.000 I'm not an instructions guy.

01:28:36.000 I can just kind of figure stuff out. 0.97

01:28:38.000 So we lived in a pretty nice middle class home, but I was punk, so I wanted to live in a fucking dangerous place, right? 0.93

01:28:45.000 So I moved into the basement because it wasn't finished. 0.79

01:28:48.000 And my dad said, no, you're not living down here.

01:28:50.000 It's just cement. 0.67

01:28:51.000 I was like, but dad, I'm kind of a rebel, dotty.

01:28:54.000 I live, I squat like a punk.

01:28:56.000 What? 1.00

01:28:57.000 You live in the fucking suburbs. 1.00

01:28:58.000 You're just on a different floor from me now. 1.00

01:29:00.000 You're still using our kitchen.

01:29:02.000 And so they bought me a water bed for some weird reason.

01:29:06.000 The way Scottish people are is they're cheap, but if it's important, they'll buy it for you. 0.98

01:29:11.000 So like, people sleep.

01:29:14.000 So like, I couldn't have Star Wars toys or anything fun, but people sleep, so we'll get you the highest quality bed, which is currently a water bed.

01:29:22.000 So, okay, fine.

01:29:24.000 So it arrives when he's not there, and I just take it out of the car, and I start building it in the basement where I was forbidden to build it.

01:29:32.000 And I don't use the instructions unless it looks like something and I'm missing, I got some extra pieces, and I have sharp steel where the bag is going to go. 0.69

01:29:41.000 So it's going to, so I fucked it up, right?

01:29:43.000 But I'll just put duct tape on that part. 0.73

01:29:45.000 And as I'm building this from intuition, he comes down the stairs, and it's like wood steps that echo.

01:29:54.000 So it sounds like a machine gun with his, you know, dress shoes.

01:29:58.000 And he's just, his eyeballs are like this. 0.99

01:30:01.000 His face is red and he's holding the fucking instructions. 0.99

01:30:05.000 And again, I think probably best to lie right now. 1.00

01:30:09.000 So I go, same exact lying face.

01:30:12.000 You're not going to believe this.

01:30:13.000 It didn't even come with instructions.

01:30:16.000 Before I realize that that's exactly what's in his hand, and he just goes, and he comes to the side of me. 0.98

01:30:22.000 I'm like, what the fuck is he going to do? 1.00

01:30:23.000 Rape me? 0.99

01:30:24.000 And he grabs my shirt here and my belt and throws me about, I'm not going to exaggerate, about 30 feet.

01:30:36.000 Wow.

01:30:37.000 Because I can remember being in the air.

01:30:39.000 For so long.

01:30:40.000 Well, like, a bird goes by.

01:30:43.000 Yeah.

01:30:44.000 I look at a magazine.

01:30:45.000 Oh, they did have instructions.

01:30:48.000 And then I like fall and go sliding on the cement floor.

01:30:51.000 Wow.

01:30:53.000 Boy, would he get mad.

01:30:55.000 I'm a fraction of that temper, but I still yell and punch things.

01:30:58.000 And my wife is in Midwestern Indian who's like, oh, hello, what is going on? 1.00

01:31:03.000 So she, it's a strange parenting.

01:31:06.000 He really moved on from the air choke.

01:31:08.000 Like, where I'm not going to make physical contact with you?

01:31:11.000 No, he's just throwing.

01:31:12.000 No, the air choke was.

01:31:13.000 Oh, yeah, you're right.

01:31:15.000 He kind of upgraded.

01:31:16.000 Those were all previous to the air choke.

01:31:19.000 Yeah.

01:31:20.000 Oh, really?

01:31:21.000 Yeah, the air choke, I was like 19.

01:31:23.000 But at that time, you had moved out.

01:31:25.000 Being late from school, that was like I was probably 14.

01:31:28.000 If you had moved out, then you're kind of less able to physically touch because you're out of the house.

01:31:34.000 Like, oh, you know what is interesting?

01:31:34.000 Well, also, you don't care.

01:31:37.000 With the tattoo thing, just before he did the strangling thing, I said, let's fucking go. 0.99

01:31:42.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

01:31:42.000 I'm sick of this. 0.99

01:31:44.000 You want to fucking fight? 1.00

01:31:45.000 I'll fight you, old man. 1.00

01:31:46.000 I was ready to finally take him. 0.74

01:31:48.000 That's a weird moment.

01:31:50.000 And I guess he wasn't scared of me, obviously, but then he realized this isn't going to be me in control.

01:31:55.000 This is going to be both of us bloody.

01:31:57.000 And that's going to take like two years to recover from.

01:32:02.000 I just remember one short thing about getting disciplined by my stepdad.

01:32:06.000 And it was because I was sitting on the couch or watching cartoons or whatever, Red and Stimpy.

01:32:10.000 Which of the 13 stepdads are we talking about?

01:32:12.000 There's only two.

01:32:13.000 Okay.

01:32:14.000 Both named Mark.

01:32:16.000 And I'm sitting there, and my stepdad's right next to me.

01:32:20.000 We're kind of bonding or whatever.

01:32:21.000 And my mom's walking by, and he's like, hey, I don't want Willie coming over again.

01:32:26.000 You know, blah, blah, blah.

01:32:27.000 Because Willie's like just this long-haired, just scraggly punk rock guy.

01:32:31.000 And I'm like, yeah, especially if he's stoned. 0.50

01:32:34.000 And he just goes and just like whaps me right in the face.

01:32:37.000 Because they share me with my great-grandparents.

01:32:40.000 And if I...

01:32:45.000 So if they heard me saying stoned, that would be it.

01:32:48.000 They'd like raid the apartment and he wouldn't be able to live there anymore.

01:32:51.000 That's the last thing you want to do.

01:32:53.000 Oh, he was, that you got whacked because you were implying that you might rat him out for smoking weed.

01:32:59.000 Yeah, if I say stoned or something like that, and that gets out, that's cops, that's child protective services. 0.99

01:33:05.000 Yeah, I don't like the idea, like, your father doesn't love you, but if I, if I'm divorced and my wife remarries or has a boyfriend and he starts hitting my fucking sons, he's getting a fiery hot poker through his eye. 0.98

01:33:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:33:20.000 That must be fucking weird. 0.98

01:33:21.000 I saw a fight between my grandfather and my stepdad once. 0.99

01:33:26.000 That same one?

01:33:27.000 That was weird, yeah.

01:33:28.000 Was he stoned?

01:33:29.000 No, but he was painting.

01:33:31.000 He worked for Planet Universal Studios, whatever, so he would paint.

01:33:35.000 He's a really good painter and artist in the punk band.

01:33:37.000 Remember, I was talking about him?

01:33:39.000 So he painted a huge mural with angels and clouds and everything like that.

01:33:42.000 And my grandfather, grandmother came to visit my mom, and they saw that and they pay for it.

01:33:48.000 And I don't, that was like the straw on the camel's back thing.

01:33:51.000 I mean, they've heard a lot of bad stories about it.

01:33:53.000 Wait, what's the matter with painting a mural?

01:33:55.000 That's what I thought.

01:33:55.000 I mean, because I don't know.

01:33:57.000 You could just paint over it.

01:33:59.000 But I think there was a bunch of other stuff.

01:34:02.000 These stories are too weird and they're too complicated and they're missing too many details.

01:34:02.000 He said something about it.

01:34:06.000 Let's finish this video and get out of here.

01:34:09.000 Which video?

01:34:10.000 Those guys that we can't tell if they're doing a character or not.

01:34:13.000 Oh, yeah, Keemstar.

01:34:14.000 The one that led us down a nine-hour story.

01:34:16.000 The one that led us to the next one is the one that led us to the next one.

01:34:23.000 Maybe they're really stoned and they don't, and they think things are funny.

01:34:28.000 It does look good.

01:34:30.000 Snooky would approve.

01:34:34.000 Like, you understand, we've seen Jackass before, right?

01:34:38.000 Where Johnny Knoxville goes into a store and fights Butterbean and is knocked unconscious.

01:34:42.000 You understand that that's what we're used to.

01:34:46.000 You're going to throw some cheese at him?

01:34:48.000 It's got to be that character you're talking about.

01:34:50.000 You're just making fun of a rebel.

01:34:53.000 Look, I moved a thing.

01:34:55.000 Turn it up.

01:34:56.000 I'm going to say you can speak.

01:35:00.000 Snap into a Slim Jim.

01:35:05.000 Why does this exist?

01:35:06.000 I punched a Slim Jim box, but it didn't even fall?

01:35:11.000 I don't understand this type of humor.

01:35:13.000 It's like a really low-rent badass.

01:35:17.000 Badass? 0.84

01:35:18.000 Yeah, low-rent, like badass.

01:35:20.000 It's supposed to be making fun of that cool guy thing, I think.

01:35:23.000 But look how much they laugh.

01:35:25.000 Yeah, that one he actually did something.

01:35:27.000 But it's just lame.

01:35:30.000 I'm so lost.

01:35:32.000 Is he genuinely laughing there?

01:35:35.000 We got a pick that.

01:35:38.000 It's kind of like in the Paul Rudd movies.

01:35:42.000 You guys better smash some pickles or something soon. 1.00

01:35:46.000 Brian, shut up. 1.00

01:35:49.000 It's the emo. 1.00

01:35:50.000 It hates mommy and daddy and hates the world. 1.00

01:35:53.000 And it could kill itself at any time.

01:35:55.000 It affects dangerous on bridges and high elevations Did you f ⁇ ?

01:36:03.000 What?

01:36:04.000 I love hamburger helper.

01:36:08.000 This is like the least funny people I've ever come across in my entire life.

01:36:12.000 Dude, I already got that.

01:36:14.000 The voice of a god.

01:36:16.000 Are you doing the MySpace mirror pose? 0.99

01:36:20.000 What damn this? 0.99

01:36:25.000 We'll put it back. 0.99

01:36:26.000 What an epic meal time it?

01:36:28.000 Bacon strips and bacon strips.

01:36:31.000 He's holding pickles.

01:36:32.000 Now you got more?

01:36:34.000 Blue 427.

01:36:37.000 Party follow.

01:36:40.000 And let me ask you questions.

01:36:43.000 What's your stuff in the bottom of my basket?

01:36:45.000 Well, that's just really interesting.

01:36:46.000 After telling all those awesome stories, those guys dropped a sausage. 0.98

01:36:50.000 You're showing your email, dummy. 0.97

01:36:52.000 Oops. 1.00

01:36:53.000 Get fired.

01:36:54.000 Get in trouble.

01:36:55.000 Be brave.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 20, 2020

S02E166 - NO JUSTICE [2020-05-20 - S02E166 - NO JUSTICE]

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Summary

Transcript