Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E96 - POLYAMOROUS

00:01:15.000 You never know until you die I was listening to that all weekend forcing my kids and my kids friends to listen to it and they're like God that sucks.

00:01:25.000 What?

00:01:26.000 I thought how can you not like that song?

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 I got drunk on Friday night.

00:01:32.000 And I came back home and I just sat on the couch in my suit and just listened.

00:01:32.000 Yeah.

00:01:36.000 I'd already listened to that on a loop on the train.

00:01:38.000 And I just sat in my chair listening to Jerry Cinnamon again and again.

00:01:43.000 Actually, what does he say?

00:01:46.000 In a vision in the back of my eye.

00:01:49.000 And when the walls came down, it was the only thing that kept me alive.

00:01:53.000 You can build a bunny.

00:01:55.000 I can tell by the look in your eye.

00:01:57.000 For the people that you loved and lost that you never got to tell goodbye.

00:02:01.000 Believe and build your bonny.

00:02:04.000 Gony never know unless you try.

00:02:06.000 One life is a short time.

00:02:08.000 And no one knows where you go when you die.

00:02:11.000 God damn it.

00:02:13.000 Fuck, that is a winner.

00:02:15.000 And it's not.

00:02:15.000 He's not a one-hit wonder.

00:02:16.000 He's going on tour with Liam Gallagher.

00:02:18.000 There's tons of hits on that album.

00:02:21.000 He's brand new, the Skeezer.

00:02:23.000 Is he?

00:02:24.000 And a bonnie's a bonfire, by the way.

00:02:26.000 But it also means a bonny lass, a pretty girl.

00:02:31.000 Same spelling?

00:02:32.000 B-O-N-N-Y? 1.00

00:02:33.000 No.

00:02:34.000 B-O-N-N-I-E is the adjective. 1.00

00:02:37.000 Well, I don't like when my Cuban links are hidden, especially with the black T. It's a great contrast, and it unifies the graphic with the fucking gold with the head.

00:02:37.000 Yes.

00:02:48.000 There he is.

00:02:49.000 What are you on right now?

00:02:50.000 What are you listening to music with?

00:02:51.000 Google Play Music comes for you with my YouTube Red subscription.

00:02:54.000 The song Sometimes.

00:02:57.000 Oh, that is a jam.

00:02:59.000 Yeah.

00:03:00.000 Play Sometimes.

00:03:02.000 Is this it?

00:03:07.000 It's like Billy Bragg.

00:03:09.000 Neophobe.

00:03:10.000 Meet Consider it says here.

00:03:14.000 Meets the Clash, meets Oasis.

00:03:19.000 British people love those sort of drunken anthems too.

00:03:23.000 What was that one about a rocket?

00:03:25.000 Let your rocket. 1.00

00:03:27.000 By Jerry Cinnamon?

00:03:28.000 No, no, no.

00:03:30.000 Ride a rocket.

00:03:37.000 Sometimes, sometimes.

00:03:40.000 Yeah, that's rules.

00:03:41.000 It's a great songwriter.

00:03:42.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

00:03:47.000 Some of the time I'm on a false ego trip.

00:03:47.000 I'm already hooked.

00:03:51.000 Insecurity is right.

00:03:53.000 I'm not the ideal person to be lecturing online.

00:03:56.000 But if you want to know.

00:03:58.000 That's perfect.

00:04:05.000 Sniffing gear.

00:04:07.000 Look, I've been in some sticky situations.

00:04:08.000 I used to sniff gear.

00:04:10.000 What's that?

00:04:11.000 It's Coke.

00:04:12.000 He talks about things getting under my skin, and I know because I've been poked a few times, meaning I've done heroin a few times.

00:04:12.000 Ah.

00:04:18.000 Oh.

00:04:19.000 Yeah.

00:04:19.000 This guy fucking.

00:04:20.000 Pasco's a rough fucking town.

00:04:21.000 Yeah.

00:04:22.000 It's Detroit.

00:04:23.000 It's the south side of Chicago.

00:04:25.000 This made me believe in music again.

00:04:27.000 It kind of reminded me of that movie yesterday.

00:04:29.000 You know, where the Indian kid is the only one who knows the Beatles, and he just steals all their songs? 1.00

00:04:35.000 And everyone goes, where do you keep getting these songs from?

00:04:39.000 That's how I feel about Jerry Cinnamon.

00:04:43.000 Now I gotta remember that Ride a Rocket.

00:04:45.000 Ride your Rocket, babe.

00:04:48.000 My wife will know.

00:04:51.000 What's that?

00:04:51.000 You're going back to the yesterday thing?

00:04:56.000 What was that UK anthem Ride a Rocket?

00:05:05.000 By the way, thank you to the viewer who turned us on to that song.

00:05:11.000 Big chorus live show.

00:05:15.000 Anyway.

00:05:17.000 Sometimes, sometimes.

00:05:20.000 So today we're going to focus hard on this fat pig who is married to four rats. 1.00

00:05:28.000 No, that's not fair.

00:05:30.000 I apologize for that.

00:05:32.000 One rat, two schlubs, and a practicer.

00:05:36.000 The practicer may have got her pregnant, and he's going to turn the two schlubs and the rat into cucks. 0.99

00:05:42.000 This might sound like an Aesop's fable to you, but it's this story that broke on Friday that I couldn't get to, obviously, because I don't have a show.

00:05:52.000 So we'll delve into that.

00:05:55.000 Big announcement to make.

00:05:56.000 We are no longer free speech.tv.

00:05:59.000 I got sued.

00:06:01.000 Well, I didn't really get sued.

00:06:02.000 I got up to the courthouse steps and said, okay, this is not going to work.

00:06:06.000 We got a notice that someone owns the trademark FreeSpeech TV.

00:06:11.000 And they said it's too close to free speech.tv.

00:06:14.000 And I did what I always do and said, fuck you, man.

00:06:18.000 Because I don't take shit.

00:06:19.000 And then I got the best trademark lawyers in the business to go, ah, boys, do what you do.

00:06:25.000 And they went, you're fucked.

00:06:28.000 What?

00:06:29.000 I mean, get him.

00:06:31.000 Get him.

00:06:32.000 And they go, free speech.tv is too close to free speech TV.

00:06:37.000 You'll never win.

00:06:39.000 Oh.

00:06:40.000 I mean, we can go to court and empty your bank account, but I promise you, you'll lose.

00:06:44.000 And then he said, I wouldn't be surprised if these guys are being nice because they want you to go to court.

00:06:49.000 That's a thing in law.

00:06:50.000 I'm not accusing them of this, but there is a thing in law when someone has an excellent case.

00:06:53.000 They go, hey, I'm just a loser, but I was wondering maybe if you could do that and change that because I don't know.

00:07:00.000 It would really help me.

00:07:02.000 And you go, fuck you. 0.97

00:07:03.000 And they go, oh, really?

00:07:05.000 Unleash the hounds.

00:07:09.000 Anyway, I don't really care.

00:07:11.000 I mean, I liked free speech a lot.

00:07:14.000 It's not a hill to die on, though.

00:07:15.000 And the URL is now censored.tv.

00:07:18.000 And that won't change anything.

00:07:20.000 We keep our subscribers.

00:07:21.000 We keep the app.

00:07:22.000 We just won't ever mention free speech TV again.

00:07:24.000 We're just changing our social media titles.

00:07:27.000 Yes.

00:07:28.000 It doesn't really matter.

00:07:28.000 You know, it used to be a big deal.

00:07:30.000 Where are you at?

00:07:32.000 Where are you writing for?

00:07:33.000 Who do you work for?

00:07:34.000 People don't really do that anymore.

00:07:36.000 They follow people.

00:07:38.000 Like I used to, back when Lauren Southern was pre-retired, I used to say, where is Lauren Southern now? 0.98

00:07:43.000 And people would go, I don't know.

00:07:44.000 I still follow her, though.

00:07:45.000 I saw her documentary.

00:07:47.000 Where's Faith Goldie? 1.00

00:07:47.000 Faith Goldie. 1.00

00:07:49.000 Where's Milo?

00:07:49.000 Milo is at free speech.

00:07:51.000 Or sorry, whoops.

00:07:52.000 Milo is at censored.tv now, but you'll go wherever he goes.

00:07:57.000 It's sort of like in Montreal with bartenders.

00:08:00.000 There was this bar called the Cheval Blanc, the white horse, and then those guys moved, started a new bar called Billy Kuhn, and all the people who went to see that particular bartender moved with him to Billy Kuhn, the new bar.

00:08:11.000 I noticed that I do that in America, and I think sometimes people think that I'm either fucking the bartender, she's female, or I'm gay and I'm in love with the bartender.

00:08:21.000 Because, like, why do I always see you here when he's here?

00:08:23.000 Because I see bartenders as DJs.

00:08:27.000 So I want to go to the club when my Diplo is jamming on the crazy circular vinyl discs.

00:08:35.000 The ones and twos.

00:08:36.000 She, the ones and twos.

00:08:38.000 I'm still hip.

00:08:41.000 Anyway, we are censored.tv now.

00:08:46.000 Change your emails.

00:08:49.000 Change your bookmarks.

00:08:50.000 Actually, it still goes to the same thing, right?

00:08:52.000 If you go to free speech.tv, it bounces to censored.tv.

00:08:55.000 I think I initially had censored TV bouncing to free speech TV, and that's not the deal.

00:09:00.000 Yeah, free speech goes right to censored.

00:09:02.000 I know what you're thinking.

00:09:03.000 Hey, moron, why didn't you look up the trademark for free speech TV?

00:09:06.000 I did.

00:09:07.000 I didn't think it was a big deal.

00:09:09.000 I thought if you can buy our URL, it's yours.

00:09:12.000 Isn't that what people do to fuck with people?

00:09:14.000 Like, they'll buy RyanKatsuRivera.com, and then you have to pay them for it.

00:09:19.000 That's a whole business.

00:09:20.000 Yeah.

00:09:21.000 But not if you own the trademark.

00:09:24.000 Anyway.

00:09:26.000 That brings me to another subject.

00:09:28.000 We're going to be really, we've been sort of holding back advertising and everything while we were settling this and getting this new name.

00:09:34.000 But we're going to go nuts with marketing and 2020 is going to be a big year.

00:09:38.000 We have two new shows.

00:09:41.000 Should I announce them?

00:09:45.000 No, I'm going to wait.

00:09:46.000 We have two new shows, and then I'm working on two other guys.

00:09:49.000 Three other guys, actually.

00:09:51.000 So five new shows.

00:09:52.000 We should raise the subscription rate.

00:09:55.000 We might.

00:09:56.000 So get in now before it goes up to $12.99?

00:10:04.000 Buy your year in advance.

00:10:06.000 Speaking of censored.tv, I'm going to just cross out the word free speech.tv.

00:10:10.000 I got to get it out of my vocabulary.

00:10:12.000 I really like that name.

00:10:13.000 I guess we've got to take down that sign, too.

00:10:15.000 Yep, we've got to contact a man about some wood.

00:10:18.000 It's one of those things where you go, alright, we'll just change this and this and then you realize, oh shit, we gotta change that, that, that, that, that, that, that.

00:10:25.000 I got to change that.

00:10:26.000 It's like losing your credit card.

00:10:27.000 Yeah, Biggs intro has to change.

00:10:30.000 We had Nick Fuentes on the show finally.

00:10:33.000 Jesus, will you leave us alone?

00:10:36.000 It's like every conservative or every person who's not a rabid liberal has to talk about Nick Fuentes 24 hours a day.

00:10:45.000 These groipers are relentless. 1.00

00:10:47.000 The only other group I've come across that is this relentless is, what are you doing, by the way?

00:10:53.000 Just showing a page.

00:10:55.000 This is the news.

00:10:56.000 Asians, Disney, and Disney fans.

00:11:00.000 I wrote an article about 10 reasons not to go on a Disney cruise, and I was bombarded for months with people pissed off at me for disparaging the great Disney.

00:11:12.000 And then I did another article called Tackling Asian Privilege, and I just took an article about white privilege, and all I did was edit, replace, and I took out every Asian and made it into white. 0.68

00:11:21.000 I mean, sorry, every white made it into Asian. 1.00

00:11:21.000 That's great. 1.00

00:11:23.000 And Asians got fucking mad. 0.99

00:11:26.000 And it was things like, you don't know what it's like getting on an elevator and having someone grab your purse.

00:11:31.000 No one grabs their purse when an Asian walks in the elevator. 1.00

00:11:35.000 That used to be white.

00:11:37.000 And people didn't like it.

00:11:38.000 But I thought Milo did a good job.

00:11:40.000 When you show things, try to just show the video, please.

00:11:43.000 Oh, oh, oh, oh.

00:11:47.000 I thought Milo did a good job with Nick.

00:11:50.000 And this was a good highlight.

00:11:52.000 He questioned him on the big stuff, the Jew stuff and the racist stuff.

00:11:58.000 And Nick just said, yeah, that's how I feel.

00:12:00.000 Yeah.

00:12:01.000 What are you going to do about that?

00:12:02.000 How can you be against interracial marriages?

00:12:03.000 Isn't that insane?

00:12:04.000 Why is that insane?

00:12:05.000 Is mine okay because we're not breeding?

00:12:07.000 No.

00:12:08.000 It's actually worse.

00:12:11.000 Because you are a homosexual. 1.00

00:12:15.000 Dude, he's fucking great.

00:12:17.000 That might become a video bite for us because you are a homosexual. 1.00

00:12:23.000 That would be great.

00:12:24.000 Jim Goat asked him once, do you go to bed smiling?

00:12:26.000 What is with this constant.

00:12:29.000 Yeah, Dav Davidoff said, why do we look like gay guys smoke fresh baked cookies?

00:12:34.000 You always got that face.

00:12:36.000 We're like, hmm.

00:12:39.000 Oh, man.

00:12:40.000 Actually, that reminds me of something.

00:12:41.000 We'll jump ahead to 2.9.

00:12:45.000 There's this black conservative who goes to Sacramento, I don't know, state, whatever you call it.

00:12:51.000 And he keeps getting attacked by this dude, this little tiny homosexual who assumes that if you like Trump, you hate gays. 0.96

00:12:59.000 We don't care about you.

00:13:02.000 Do the math.

00:13:04.000 Why would we care who you make out with? 0.92

00:13:06.000 This is not God hates fags people with signs. 0.98

00:13:10.000 We don't fucking care.

00:13:11.000 You think I'm going to sit on the train going back to the suburbs tonight and just sit there on the train sitting in my seat, just going, There's some homo out there right now making out with a fucking homo. 1.00

00:13:25.000 You know what I'm gonna do?

00:13:26.000 I'm gonna stop it.

00:13:28.000 I'm gonna start a don't make out with dudes company and they're gonna shut these baggots down. 1.00

00:13:35.000 Hard F. Like, does that make any sense to you?

00:13:39.000 So many of these allegations, I just want to say do the math.

00:13:42.000 Like me doing the 10 things I hate about the Jews video.

00:13:45.000 So you think that you can put out a video like that in mainstream society and someone will sponsor you to go to Israel and you'll put out a video that is a list of things you hate about Jews and you'll just be a normal person in society?

00:13:59.000 Like even a normal right-wing conservative.

00:14:02.000 Someone paid for that?

00:14:03.000 That was put up on YouTube?

00:14:05.000 No.

00:14:06.000 That's not how the world works.

00:14:09.000 If someone genuinely did a video, 10 things I hate about the Jews, and it was a bona fide, non-satirical, anti-Semitic piece, it would be on some weird, like lively, fucking red tube porn site or something.

00:14:24.000 And that guy wouldn't be someone you've heard of or would ever bump into.

00:14:29.000 Anyway, this black conservative got bumped into by a little tiny crazy little queer. 1.00

00:14:35.000 Leave my friends alone, all right?

00:14:36.000 We'll leave my friends alone.

00:14:38.000 Leave my friends alone.

00:14:41.000 Do you want to talk to Tom Carroll about this?

00:14:43.000 There's nothing wrong with this.

00:14:43.000 I'm happy to go.

00:14:45.000 There's nothing wrong with this.

00:14:47.000 I didn't know he was gay.

00:14:48.000 What have I done?

00:14:49.000 What's he doing with his belt?

00:14:51.000 Oh, that is not okay.

00:14:53.000 That is not okay.

00:14:54.000 Because now, I get in a lot of trouble for condoning violence in giant air quotes.

00:14:59.000 So I don't want to sit here and say, why don't you just beat the shit out of him?

00:15:03.000 Because then it's like me saying, beat the shit out of the gays. 1.00

00:15:06.000 But the pendulum seems to have swung too far in the other direction.

00:15:09.000 Some dude attacks you like that, and you just go, that is not okay.

00:15:13.000 Why are we filming everything?

00:15:14.000 It's like camera versus camera.

00:15:15.000 It's become the new dueling pistols.

00:15:17.000 Take 10 paces, turn around and film me.

00:15:20.000 Someone comes at me like that, I'm going to punch them in the face.

00:15:23.000 It's self-defense.

00:15:24.000 But they're going to film it.

00:15:25.000 People are going to think you're a bad guy.

00:15:28.000 I love people thinking I'm a bad guy.

00:15:30.000 I keep bringing up my dad who got in a fight with a guy who wouldn't clean up his dog shit.

00:15:33.000 I went through the same thing.

00:15:35.000 It's a generational thing.

00:15:36.000 I guess my sons will go through it.

00:15:38.000 And they fought for like 20 minutes.

00:15:40.000 There's no cops involved, no litigation.

00:15:42.000 They both lost.

00:15:43.000 They both looked like they'd been run over by a car the next day.

00:15:46.000 Handled.

00:15:47.000 All this like call the police and just handle your shit.

00:15:54.000 And this is not okay.

00:15:55.000 It's not sufficient.

00:15:55.000 You cannot do that.

00:15:57.000 That is battery.

00:15:58.000 That is assault.

00:15:59.000 Somebody said he should go to jail for telegraphing his punches.

00:16:03.000 He punches like Robert De Niro and.

00:16:05.000 Here he comes.

00:16:07.000 Yeah.

00:16:08.000 Stop that motherfucker. 1.00

00:16:10.000 Stop, Henry.

00:16:11.000 It's okay.

00:16:12.000 Look at this.

00:16:13.000 You're going to end up with this.

00:16:13.000 Look at this.

00:16:14.000 Look at this.

00:16:15.000 See, I don't have this black guy's back. 1.00

00:16:18.000 This whole look at this, look at this.

00:16:20.000 Shame, shame, shame.

00:16:21.000 I've documented you.

00:16:23.000 It's like Soviet Russia. 0.80

00:16:25.000 We've become these tattletales who want to document everyone's transgressions.

00:16:30.000 I'll report you.

00:16:31.000 Let's put your phone away and shove him back and say, what's your fucking problem?

00:16:34.000 Have it out like men. 0.87

00:16:36.000 I missed the 90s.

00:16:37.000 God, we're so cucked.

00:16:39.000 Look at this.

00:16:42.000 My phone is on the ground.

00:16:44.000 Look at this.

00:16:46.000 Can't hold on to your phone from an arm bar?

00:16:48.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 Especially when it's telegraphed like that.

00:16:50.000 It's called Badoop.

00:16:50.000 Crazy.

00:16:53.000 Oh! 0.60

00:16:55.000 Henry Wayne!

00:16:55.000 Whoa!

00:16:56.000 Henry Black!

00:16:57.000 It's okay!

00:16:58.000 Aren't all bets off after someone does the first blow, too?

00:17:01.000 I mean, you can't punch a man when he's down, but...

00:17:09.000 The bonk bank. 0.87

00:17:10.000 Yeah.

00:17:11.000 It's a bonk.

00:17:12.000 Calm down.

00:17:12.000 It's okay.

00:17:14.000 He's huge, by the way, this black dude.

00:17:16.000 His reach would just be zip.

00:17:17.000 It would be like that Indian dude in Street Fighter. 1.00

00:17:20.000 DALISM.

00:17:22.000 This lady's kind of annoying. 1.00

00:17:24.000 Yes.

00:17:25.000 She's very annoying. 1.00

00:17:25.000 It's part of what I hate about this culture. 1.00

00:17:27.000 And I just want to say something.

00:17:28.000 Calm down, she says.

00:17:29.000 I re-watched.

00:17:30.000 I was watching Master Clipper because I'm a megalomaniac.

00:17:34.000 And I talk about liberals a lot in the left.

00:17:36.000 I want to stop doing that because we have enemies on both sides.

00:17:39.000 I want to criticize cultural problems.

00:17:43.000 And culturally, we as a nation and as a Western culture in general have this disturbing pattern forming where we're all about tattling and we don't want this.

00:17:55.000 It's like China. 0.97

00:17:56.000 Like, I don't want this on paper.

00:17:58.000 Even when I got kicked out of the Burgess house there in Colonial Williamsburg, the woman comes up to me and says, I heard you had a problem with our performance.

00:18:07.000 Because the guy playing a slave had went, ma'am, we got some trouble here.

00:18:11.000 Like, everything's not about litigation and suing and documenting.

00:18:16.000 That's weird.

00:18:17.000 Sue the SPLC.

00:18:18.000 That's a consequential case.

00:18:19.000 You don't sue for some homo thwatting your phone away. 1.00

00:18:23.000 And you don't need to file a report.

00:18:24.000 And look, she's worried that she's going to get fired and everything's by the book.

00:18:28.000 This goes back to Coach D in the new Rochelle high school who is fired for pointing out to a woman's, a girl's mother that she's fucking hammered.

00:18:39.000 Hey, how she says calm down instead of asking if he's okay?

00:18:42.000 Like, because, you know, then she realizes she didn't see it.

00:18:45.000 You know, it's possible, this is a strange twist, but it's possible she's kind of racist. 0.99

00:18:49.000 Towards her own.

00:18:50.000 In the sense that she's like, well, he's a Negro, so he's going to go crazy right now. 0.99

00:18:54.000 Because she feels.

00:18:55.000 Because they do.

00:18:56.000 But she's black herself. 0.96

00:18:57.000 I know.

00:18:57.000 Yeah.

00:18:58.000 That doesn't matter.

00:18:59.000 So she's like, this is about to get world star.

00:19:01.000 Let's tell him to calm down.

00:19:02.000 Meanwhile, he's like, I'm perfectly calm, lady.

00:19:05.000 I'm basically a white dude.

00:19:07.000 Good.

00:19:11.000 It's all right.

00:19:11.000 It's okay.

00:19:12.000 All right, thanks.

00:19:13.000 Just calm down, black yourself. 1.00

00:19:14.000 You know how you get it.

00:19:16.000 You have every right to report if this is.

00:19:19.000 I know, yeah.

00:19:20.000 Okay.

00:19:21.000 All righty.

00:19:22.000 I'm all right.

00:19:23.000 Are you good at me?

00:19:24.000 I'm good.

00:19:24.000 I'm sorry about that.

00:19:27.000 I can look at myself down.

00:19:27.000 It's okay.

00:19:30.000 So it turns out this little kid has had a problem before.

00:19:33.000 And why am I talking about a little kid?

00:19:34.000 Well, because it's indicative of something else.

00:19:36.000 It's affirmative action, where if this was a Trump guy attacking people with the phone, he would be ruined.

00:19:42.000 But because we're so worried about being seen as bigots or homophobes, we give these annoying little homosexuals free reign to act like fucking brats, especially if it's towards conservatives. 1.00

00:19:54.000 Actually, that's going to be the theme of the show here, is letting the left, oops, there I just did it.

00:20:00.000 Letting minorities or a group that we don't think is in power get away with murder while we have the reverse bias when it's a MAGA supporter or someone we think is a conservative threat to the country.

00:20:14.000 Oh, we're not doing catch-up Mondays.

00:20:16.000 I guess we can do that in a second.

00:20:18.000 Even the first time I'm Keaton attacked Floyd.

00:20:23.000 Here's a video from earlier this year.

00:20:26.000 There he is again.

00:20:28.000 Holy crap.

00:20:28.000 Look.

00:20:30.000 Yeah, it's the same black guy. 0.76

00:20:30.000 Just pause. 0.76

00:20:31.000 Oh, they've had a problem.

00:20:32.000 Yeah, and look at his reach there.

00:20:33.000 He could just annihilate him.

00:20:35.000 Yeah.

00:20:35.000 Look at his little standard.

00:20:36.000 And look at his attitude.

00:20:37.000 The gay dude has like never been punched.

00:20:40.000 You can always tell a guy that's never been punched in the face.

00:20:42.000 The black dude has been punched in the face.

00:20:44.000 He's trying to avoid it.

00:20:45.000 But this guy's got this.

00:20:47.000 And I've done that before.

00:20:48.000 What are you going to do, bitch? 1.00

00:20:49.000 But I realize that I'm starting a fight by doing that.

00:20:53.000 I'm getting good at it, if you will.

00:20:56.000 I can't stop hearing it.

00:20:57.000 How dare you?

00:20:58.000 You need to stop.

00:20:59.000 You need to look.

00:21:00.000 Yeah, you're a moron just like Robin.

00:21:02.000 Look at him.

00:21:04.000 It's like free reign.

00:21:06.000 He's like Uday Hussein. 0.96

00:21:10.000 Saddam Hussein is political correctness, and Uday Hussein is anyone who's not considered a straight white male.

00:21:16.000 Spoiled rats.

00:21:19.000 He goes to get a rock.

00:21:21.000 But it's stuck into the grass.

00:21:23.000 We can't get it.

00:21:26.000 Stop, guys.

00:21:28.000 Don't you dare grab that rock.

00:21:29.000 Go back.

00:21:30.000 The way they're talking, too.

00:21:32.000 They sound so prim.

00:21:33.000 Like, it's the death of masculinity.

00:21:34.000 And I'm not talking about the homo. 1.00

00:21:36.000 He's like Stewart from Mad TV.

00:21:38.000 Don't you pick up that rock?

00:21:42.000 Don't you dare! 0.99

00:21:44.000 Don't you dare pick up that rock! 0.96

00:21:46.000 Don't you dare! 0.99

00:21:46.000 Come on, stop. 0.99

00:21:48.000 Don't pick anything up.

00:21:48.000 Stop, guys.

00:21:50.000 Don't pick anything up.

00:21:51.000 Stop.

00:21:52.000 Stop.

00:21:53.000 Come on.

00:21:55.000 Then he called him a faggot.

00:21:57.000 He called the gay guy a faggot?

00:21:58.000 Yeah, look, they bleep it up.

00:22:01.000 Yep.

00:22:02.000 I didn't hear that.

00:22:04.000 They blank it out.

00:22:05.000 I know, but I didn't hear any of the indications.

00:22:06.000 Look at his lips.

00:22:08.000 Stop.

00:22:09.000 Come on.

00:22:09.000 Faggot.

00:22:11.000 Oh, the gay guy calls them faggots.

00:22:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:14.000 Come on, okay.

00:22:16.000 At this time, can someone please call campus police for?

00:22:19.000 Call campus police.

00:22:20.000 Call the police.

00:22:21.000 Fill out a form.

00:22:22.000 Document it.

00:22:25.000 Floyd's video to Twitter.

00:22:26.000 Kean posted this bizarre video to his Facebook page addressed to me.

00:22:31.000 Hey, Kaylin, I pooped my pants at a college party, Bennett.

00:22:37.000 I just want to let you know.

00:22:39.000 You know what's weird?

00:22:40.000 In that video, the one we just saw, he's got a pretty good head of hair.

00:22:44.000 I assume he made this like a few months later.

00:22:47.000 I think he got so stressed out, he balded himself.

00:22:51.000 No adrenaline control.

00:22:52.000 Maybe a really rough boyfriend.

00:22:54.000 He didn't.

00:22:55.000 He can't get balded by a fuck.

00:22:57.000 He balded by a fucking f.

00:23:00.000 And I don't give a f ⁇ about you. 1.00

00:23:02.000 She's adding the fart sounds because he's swearing.

00:23:06.000 Any of you Republicans that want to shame me for being the proud gay man that I am?

00:23:12.000 You can try to shame me and say that I have AIDS all you.

00:23:15.000 Listen, Circlehead.

00:23:18.000 You can kiss my butt. 0.89

00:23:23.000 All right?

00:23:24.000 Night, night.

00:23:27.000 What these videos don't show is what led up to this moment.

00:23:30.000 One day before this.

00:23:30.000 Anyway, we get it.

00:23:32.000 That guy's a bad dude.

00:23:34.000 I just remembered the fight we had with that lady. 0.99

00:23:37.000 Oh, geez, yeah.

00:23:39.000 So I got an argument with an old lady, and I'm of two minds about it. 1.00

00:23:42.000 On the one hand, I don't like disrespecting elderly, but I also don't like having my thoughts and my private conversations policed, which has happened to me many times.

00:23:52.000 I believe so.

00:23:53.000 A woman came up to me about a month ago and said that I was making tranny jokes at another bar, and she was there that night.

00:24:01.000 And she told me to be quiet.

00:24:04.000 And then when she went outside to have a cigarette, six Canadians who were with me followed her outside.

00:24:12.000 Is she using a code word for blacks?

00:24:15.000 Six Canadians.

00:24:16.000 I haven't had six Canadians around me since my bachelor party.

00:24:19.000 Yeah, they're Americans who can't be identified as Canadians.

00:24:21.000 That's what Canadians are.

00:24:22.000 You don't know Canadian people are Canadians.

00:24:24.000 And then I said, so I was, I mean, maybe I was blackout drunk, but I was standing on a chair and announcing trans jokes.

00:24:29.000 She goes, no, you were saying to your friends.

00:24:31.000 And I go, oh, so you were eavesdropping and you didn't like what you heard.

00:24:35.000 Plus, when you eavesdrop, you don't get the whole story.

00:24:37.000 So anyway, Ryan and I were going into town.

00:24:40.000 I was headed to dinner with Dan Coulter and Ryan was going to the Milo show.

00:24:46.000 And we came with this funny concept just as we were leaving, you know, shooting the shit as boys do.

00:24:52.000 We're following this guy who was, we liked his jacket, we liked his shoes.

00:24:56.000 Remember?

00:24:57.000 Oh, yeah, there was, I forgot about that.

00:24:59.000 The guy had a great look.

00:25:00.000 He had like a beige jacket with the dark brown corduroy collar, a little baseball hat that fit him perfectly.

00:25:06.000 He was about six feet tall.

00:25:08.000 He had like nice Nikes with little swoosh.

00:25:10.000 Maybe they were Chucks or something. 1.00

00:25:11.000 And then he did throw out garbage, and the way he bent over was like weird.

00:25:15.000 And I was like, I don't like you anymore.

00:25:17.000 So then, I don't know how we got from that to that, but eventually we were like.

00:25:19.000 Because he had a nice butt.

00:25:20.000 He had a nice butt?

00:25:21.000 Yeah, I was like, hey, nice butt.

00:25:23.000 It would be funny if there was a guy who was picking a fight with someone, but there was strange compliments in it.

00:25:29.000 He was like, I see you with your fucking perfect jawline.

00:25:32.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:25:33.000 Piece of shit.

00:25:34.000 Your fucking arms for legs, Mr. Perfect Body.

00:25:38.000 Fuck you.

00:25:39.000 Get out of here.

00:25:40.000 And I'm sorry.

00:25:41.000 I know it annoys you when I itch my nose.

00:25:44.000 Maybe it's my mustache tickling it.

00:25:46.000 Yeah, like the curling hairs go.

00:25:48.000 But yeah, we kept joking.

00:25:50.000 Hey, hey, blue eyes.

00:25:51.000 Actually, that's true with the term pretty boy. 0.76

00:25:53.000 Fucking pretty boy.

00:25:54.000 What do you mean?

00:25:55.000 You find me handsome?

00:25:56.000 Big guy.

00:25:57.000 It's such a weird insult.

00:25:58.000 Hey, tough guy.

00:25:59.000 Yeah.

00:26:00.000 Hey, tough, gorgeous guy.

00:26:01.000 Hey, strong man who's breathtaking to look at.

00:26:04.000 Hey, perfect ass. 1.00

00:26:05.000 I got a bone to pick with you.

00:26:07.000 Get out of here with your perfect ass. 1.00

00:26:09.000 So it's funny, right?

00:26:10.000 It's a funny concept.

00:26:11.000 And Ryan takes it too far.

00:26:12.000 He's like, I don't even want to come on you.

00:26:14.000 You're a loser or something like that.

00:26:15.000 So it was like, that's not funny, but whatever.

00:26:17.000 Ryan is allowed to make some mistakes when people riff.

00:26:20.000 This old lady comes up to us. 1.00

00:26:21.000 When I say old, I'm going to say 60, white-haired, very definitely upper-middle class.

00:26:26.000 I hope she's not a neighbor.

00:26:28.000 But she comes up and she goes, I just want to say that I could hear you guys using that vulgar language and it was disgusting. 0.98

00:26:36.000 And you are everything wrong with this country right now.

00:26:39.000 Meaning like Trump, right?

00:26:40.000 Grab her by the pussy. 1.00

00:26:41.000 We've all become like, grab her by the pussy. 1.00

00:26:44.000 And I got really angry because she was policing our thoughts.

00:26:48.000 So I was disrespectful to the old lady and I said, oh, thank you for policing our discussions. 1.00

00:26:54.000 And she goes, I go, it's a private discussion, you old fucking hag. 1.00

00:26:57.000 And then she goes, and she said, I couldn't not hear it.

00:27:00.000 And I go, of course you can not hear it.

00:27:02.000 And you only heard part of it.

00:27:03.000 You don't even know what the fuck we were talking about, you. 0.51

00:27:06.000 And then I said, cunt. 0.74

00:27:08.000 And I just said, we don't give a damn.

00:27:12.000 And then she walks away. 0.71

00:27:14.000 And then she comes back.

00:27:16.000 I'm going to show these young whippa stappers. 1.00

00:27:19.000 And I said, get out of here, you feckless sal. 1.00

00:27:22.000 You're useless.

00:27:23.000 And then I used that unfortunate word again.

00:27:26.000 And she was just saying, I don't think, I don't remember what her second tirade was.

00:27:30.000 She was like, oh, you are so, you are so nice.

00:27:32.000 Look at you.

00:27:33.000 You are.

00:27:34.000 Oh, like sarcasm.

00:27:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:38.000 So I'm going to do a video.

00:27:39.000 Aren't angry.

00:27:40.000 That's what she said.

00:27:41.000 Oh, that reminds me, actually.

00:27:43.000 Speaking of that guy, someone did a song of the how dare you guy.

00:27:46.000 How dare you?

00:27:48.000 Let's check it out.

00:27:49.000 Is that number.

00:27:51.000 Sorry, it's 1-2.

00:27:52.000 And so you're not familiar with the notes?

00:27:54.000 The 1-2 punch.

00:27:55.000 you read them?

00:27:56.000 A little bit.

00:27:57.000 A little bit.

00:28:02.000 How dare you?

00:28:19.000 I just want to say, how dare you?

00:28:25.000 Oh, it loops perfectly.

00:28:26.000 He loops it great, right?

00:28:28.000 Instagram doesn't let you loop it perfectly, but he does.

00:28:31.000 He did a good job.

00:28:32.000 Nice job, Anchor Bear.

00:28:33.000 Good job, Anchor Bear.

00:28:35.000 You're not banned.

00:28:36.000 But I want to focus this show on hypocrisy.

00:28:40.000 And one set of rules for one group, another set of rules for the other group.

00:28:45.000 And a part of this, and it's a little bit of a tangent, is the way we worship some piece of trash like Cardi B. If Cardi B was like a white redneck, we would be making fun of her, talking about how disgusting she is. 0.99

00:28:59.000 It would be like, look at Big Mama Lou or whatever her name is. 0.98

00:29:03.000 The chick little hugger, shiny bear, sugar honey bear.

00:29:07.000 You know what I'm talking about?

00:29:08.000 Big Mama Loopy. 0.51

00:29:10.000 I know the one that we like, Zoomy or Lulu.

00:29:13.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:29:14.000 The pageant kid.

00:29:16.000 Oh, Honey Boo-Boo. 0.63

00:29:17.000 Look at the way they talk about Honey Boo-Boo.

00:29:17.000 Honey Boo-Boo.

00:29:19.000 Honey Booboo is not invited to be in any movies like Hustlers with Jennifer Lopez. 0.94

00:29:26.000 But this Cardi B is royalty.

00:29:28.000 In fact, she's sitting front row at fashion shows. 0.99

00:29:30.000 So who is Cardi B?

00:29:32.000 Well, if you check 1-3, this is Cardi B. She's a Puerto Rican stripper, piece of trash, thief, cokehead. 1.00

00:29:38.000 I think she's associated with the bloods, too.

00:29:41.000 Yeah, most likely.

00:29:42.000 And we just kiss her ass because of affirmative action. 1.00

00:29:47.000 Coming up.

00:29:48.000 Gonna come out.

00:29:49.000 It's gonna come out.

00:29:50.000 Oh, just pause.

00:29:51.000 I should warn you, you may want to skip ahead.

00:29:53.000 This is Cardi B about to have explosive.

00:29:56.000 Well, what she claims is explosive diarrhea, but it's really just explosive farts.

00:30:01.000 Hey, guys, so supposedly they miss a few on the show.

00:30:05.000 I'm getting ready, though, but right now, I gotta take shit.

00:30:10.000 Someone your daughter could look up to.

00:30:14.000 Push.

00:30:18.000 Wait.

00:30:18.000 Y'all hear that?

00:30:19.000 Wait, hold on.

00:30:21.000 There we go.

00:30:22.000 Guess y'all thought I was lying, because my stomach is really fucked up.

00:30:26.000 Y'all thought I was lying, trying to curb be all that shit.

00:30:29.000 Nah, bitch, my stomach is fucked up.

00:30:31.000 Bitch, got some motherfucking diarrhea. 1.00

00:30:33.000 I know what the fuck I ate.

00:30:34.000 I don't know what I drank.

00:30:36.000 My stomach messed up.

00:30:37.000 Y'all thought I was.

00:30:38.000 Are those slap sounds her having more explosive farts? 1.00

00:30:41.000 I think that's her hand slapping her thigh. 0.98

00:30:44.000 Nah, because these Canadian gay kids are fine. 1.00

00:30:45.000 Yeah, by the way, just as a little side note here, I brought that up to show you our double standards and our hypocrisy in this modern culture.

00:30:52.000 But just for the record, Cardi, you're using that as proof that you have food poisoning, explosive diarrhea.

00:30:58.000 That's not how you act.

00:30:59.000 You can't talk when you have explosive diarrhea.

00:31:01.000 And secondly, I didn't hear an explosive diarrhea.

00:31:03.000 I heard one loud brap fart.

00:31:05.000 Yeah, that like the one that like.

00:31:08.000 You don't cancel concerts because you've got the toots.

00:31:13.000 Although it cancels a meet and greet.

00:31:15.000 That presidential candidate, Eric Stallwau, whatever his name is, should have canceled that particular interview if he knew he was going to be ruining his entire political career forever.

00:31:25.000 I wish Smallwell said exactly what she said verbatim.

00:31:28.000 Anyway, I just had to shit real bad.

00:31:30.000 Y'all thought I was lying, but clearly, y'all, my stomach's fucked up. 0.70

00:31:33.000 Focusing on...

00:31:44.000 Maybe we'll have time for a mailbag.

00:31:46.000 I don't think so, though.

00:31:48.000 And wrap up the show.

00:31:52.000 So, you know what I mean?

00:31:52.000 No, not wrap up the show.

00:32:03.000 So this is already ancient news.

00:32:05.000 This happened, I think, after my Thursday show.

00:32:08.000 Went big.

00:32:09.000 And I apologize.

00:32:10.000 I apologize for delivering you a Hinchanta Chinese secret. 0.93

00:32:14.000 It's something so crazy.

00:32:17.000 Actually, that's Japanese.

00:32:18.000 Ancient Japanese secret.

00:32:19.000 Anyway, this pig is dating four guys. 1.00

00:32:22.000 Look at those tits. 1.00

00:32:24.000 Each guy gets half a tit.

00:32:26.000 She's dating four guys, and one of them impregnated her.

00:32:29.000 I haven't watched this yet.

00:32:30.000 I've been saving this to watch with you.

00:32:34.000 you know what's funny about her, by the way, before we get started. 0.99

00:32:36.000 I see a pretty girl in there, like grow your hair out and lose 100 pounds. 1.00

00:32:42.000 I see a 6.4 trying to get out of a four.

00:32:47.000 She's killed 2.4 points with her excessive eating. 1.00

00:32:53.000 But speaking of points, I think if you can date four guys that are twos, you're dating an eight.

00:32:59.000 So this is a four who could be a 6.4 dating an eight.

00:33:04.000 She's good at her job.

00:33:05.000 She wins.

00:33:06.000 Let's see who she's got with her. 1.00

00:33:09.000 Tori.

00:33:10.000 She fat in love with. 1.00

00:33:11.000 Wait, go back.

00:33:12.000 I missed the beginning.

00:33:13.000 This is Tori.

00:33:15.000 She fat in love with Travis.

00:33:15.000 Hi, Tori.

00:33:18.000 Pause.

00:33:24.000 He should be a stand-up comedian, and all he has to do is stand up.

00:33:27.000 Just go onto the stage and go...

00:33:35.000 What the fuck is going on?

00:33:36.000 He's like something at a Harry Potter.

00:33:39.000 Holy shit.

00:33:40.000 What an ugly, hideous vermin.

00:33:43.000 Even his glasses are disgusting.

00:33:45.000 What a fucking grosser.

00:33:47.000 Look at his teeth.

00:33:49.000 Wow.

00:33:49.000 He looks exactly like an evil rat man.

00:33:53.000 What would we give him, Ryan?

00:33:54.000 I think he's...

00:33:57.000 That's...

00:34:00.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:34:00.000 Definitely a 3.3.

00:34:02.000 3.34.

00:34:04.000 I wish chicks were more into that thing where you go, how much would you have to be paid to, or what would you rather do, fuck him, or. 1.00

00:34:11.000 Like that, that fills most barroom conversations.

00:34:14.000 And girls would usually just go, what? 1.00

00:34:15.000 I wouldn't want to fuck him at all.

00:34:17.000 We're going to kill your whole family with this terrorist with M16s. 1.00

00:34:20.000 You have to fuck him or eat a piece of shit this big.

00:34:23.000 Neither.

00:34:25.000 Forget it.

00:34:26.000 Yeah.

00:34:29.000 Ethan.

00:34:30.000 Pause.

00:34:32.000 Ethan was, God, they really know how to uglify themselves, don't they?

00:34:36.000 Like, there's hope with some of these.

00:34:38.000 Come over.

00:34:38.000 What is that?

00:34:41.000 Holy shit.

00:34:42.000 It looks like some weird bird marshmallow potato boy.

00:34:47.000 What is that doing?

00:34:48.000 Is he trying to do Trump's hair?

00:34:50.000 What the fuck is going on with that fat pig? 1.00

00:34:52.000 See, he's the first guy was, what did we give him?

00:34:55.000 A 3.5?

00:34:56.000 3.3.

00:34:57.000 3.3.

00:34:58.000 This guy's even hotter.

00:35:00.000 I would give this guy a 4.

00:35:02.000 So I think we're going to go over 10.

00:35:04.000 She's dating probably, I'm going to guess a 14.

00:35:07.000 So 3.4 plus this guy's a 4.

00:35:10.000 4.4.

00:35:11.000 Okay.

00:35:14.000 And Mark.

00:35:15.000 Spare wars.

00:35:17.000 Mark's, again, there's potential here.

00:35:19.000 If he had a normal haircut and didn't have this weird pubic growth around him, look how thin it is.

00:35:26.000 He actually has the same beard that those lesbians get when they transition and they take enough testosterone to make wispy little adolescent pubes. 1.00

00:35:35.000 That's not appealing to women, too, to be reminded of a 13-year-old boy's pubes.

00:35:40.000 That doesn't turn them on.

00:35:42.000 But anyway, this guy could have been a 6.8 even, but he's really ruined himself.

00:35:47.000 I'm going to give him a 5.

00:35:50.000 Yeah, we'll go 5.

00:35:51.000 5.

00:35:51.000 So we were at 7.4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

00:35:54.000 We're at 12.4 now.

00:35:56.000 Wow.

00:35:58.000 And Chris.

00:36:00.000 Stop.

00:36:03.000 I mean, if you're going to be a redhead and you're going to have a beard, you got to go big or go home. 0.79

00:36:08.000 Right?

00:36:09.000 That looks like an accident.

00:36:10.000 It looks like a redhead chick's bush. 0.99

00:36:14.000 Anyway, he's a four.

00:36:17.000 So we were at 12.5.

00:36:19.000 We're at 16.5.

00:36:22.000 We're basically dating 2-8s.

00:36:22.000 What about the?

00:36:23.000 I said 1-8, 2-8.

00:36:25.000 What about the black nail polish?

00:36:26.000 Oh, I did not see that.

00:36:29.000 So wait a minute.

00:36:30.000 Is there some subtext going on here?

00:36:32.000 I think there is some dick sucking. 1.00

00:36:34.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:35.000 The only thing grosser than homosexuality is straights having gay sex. 1.00

00:36:40.000 Like that band, what's that?

00:36:43.000 Pentatonics.

00:36:44.000 The white guy in that band is dating the Hispanic dude, and I don't think he's gay.

00:36:49.000 He's just acquiesced to SJW so much that he's like, it only hurts for a little bit, and then I get to be gay, and everyone thinks I'm not a white male.

00:36:57.000 I think he takes it in the butt to please the queer community, which that must really turn them on. 1.00

00:37:03.000 Imagine being that powerful.

00:37:04.000 That's like lesbians. 1.00

00:37:05.000 Hey, lesbian, get over here and make out with me, or I'm going to call you like a male separatist that doesn't like men. 1.00

00:37:11.000 Oh, okay.

00:37:13.000 Yeah.

00:37:20.000 She's just going, here we go. 0.54

00:37:23.000 I mean, that's, you're basically fucking scarface at that point.

00:37:27.000 There's a chance they're all closet gays and they're sharing one beard. 1.00

00:37:33.000 Yeah, that's dumb.

00:37:35.000 To do that?

00:37:36.000 Or my theory?

00:37:36.000 Your theory is retarded.

00:37:38.000 Plus, I am a gay face.

00:37:40.000 Look at that face.

00:37:41.000 Look at that weird little kid dressed as an old man for Halloween.

00:37:44.000 He's so weird.

00:37:48.000 I want to just throw him.

00:37:49.000 Not hard.

00:37:50.000 Like, I don't want to hurt him, but I want to throw him into some bushes.

00:37:52.000 I can see being a bully in the 1600s was probably pretty fun because there was no real parameters, especially in like London with the stocks where you'd throw fruit at them.

00:38:02.000 I bet you could just pick up a little guy like this and just go, woo! 1.00

00:38:06.000 And like some fucking Duke would say, boy, don't do that.

00:38:09.000 And you go, whatever, sorry.

00:38:12.000 Oh, this guy sucks so bad.

00:38:13.000 He's just video games, video games, video games.

00:38:16.000 And if someone is going to feed him, then fine.

00:38:18.000 I'll be in a polyamorous relationship.

00:38:22.000 What a slut. 1.00

00:38:25.000 A relationship could best be described by having Tori as the hub and all of us are spokes on a giant wheel.

00:38:32.000 But not everyone.

00:38:33.000 Yeah, giant.

00:38:34.000 Yeah, giant wheel.

00:38:36.000 She's a giant hub. 0.99

00:38:40.000 By the way, just in the polyamorous scene, if you have a piece of yellow balloon or flourishing green balloon hanging out of your left pocket, it means I like to fuck more than three unbelievable losers at a time. 0.95

00:38:57.000 That's their code.

00:39:00.000 I was like, oh, you're kidding?

00:39:01.000 That you're joking.

00:39:03.000 How will this be?

00:39:04.000 You're ugly too.

00:39:04.000 You try it.

00:39:09.000 And so, who's the father of the baby?

00:39:13.000 Rat Boy seems pretty confident that it's him.

00:39:16.000 I feel like Spare Wars.

00:39:22.000 His face is heaven.

00:39:24.000 I can look at his face all day.

00:39:29.000 I love how confident he is, too.

00:39:32.000 What is that?

00:39:33.000 How'd you find a shirt too small for you?

00:39:34.000 Did you shop in the children's section at Oshkosh Bagosh?

00:39:38.000 What is that?

00:39:39.000 A triple S? 0.96

00:39:41.000 It's a triple SX.

00:39:44.000 Extra, extra, extra small.

00:39:50.000 Love, don't judge.

00:39:52.000 Sure, it sure do.

00:39:53.000 This is mine in Travis's room.

00:39:54.000 This is the master bedroom.

00:39:56.000 I love how these boring people are pretending they're interesting.

00:39:59.000 I know what you're, I could predict that room a million times, a million years before seeing it.

00:40:05.000 As the bigger bedrooms would swap in and out of every single day.

00:40:10.000 I could see her vagina even. 1.00

00:40:12.000 It's like it was shaved and then she forgot about it.

00:40:14.000 Now it's kind of stubbly.

00:40:15.000 Yeah.

00:40:17.000 so that everyone can get equal turns.

00:40:19.000 Ooh, an old timey record player.

00:40:21.000 You're so steampunk.

00:40:22.000 We keep all of our stuff in here.

00:40:23.000 People are rotating in and out.

00:40:25.000 Yeah, we know.

00:40:26.000 The first Paulie Amherst relationship I'd been in was actually with Travis and Ethan.

00:40:34.000 It's gotta be a joke.

00:40:35.000 Faze is my favorite new comedy.

00:40:37.000 It's gotta be a joke.

00:40:38.000 Travis and Ethan.

00:40:40.000 He's like a Martin Short character, like that kid in half-wits or the synchronized swimming guy who's not that strong of a swimmer.

00:40:46.000 Travis and Ethan.

00:40:48.000 Travis was the one who had brought up the idea to me.

00:40:51.000 We met back in elementary school.

00:40:54.000 We've been dating for about two and a half years.

00:40:58.000 Look at Travis.

00:40:59.000 intro.

00:40:59.000 Wigson's like, I don't think Ethan's going to be in this for very long.

00:41:07.000 He seems like he's coming to the end of his rope here.

00:41:10.000 This is not worth free food and endless video games.

00:41:14.000 And poor fucking Chris.

00:41:16.000 Oh, shit.

00:41:18.000 Chris breaks my heart.

00:41:19.000 I thought that black dude who spent $40,000 on a Ukraine bride was the saddest man in the world, but Chris is looking pretty, pretty sad. 0.91

00:41:31.000 The amalgamation of variables all working in her benefit have not been seen since the creation of Earth and the stability of Earth's ecosystem.

00:41:40.000 One guy is just maybe is okay with three other lovers, but he had one more.

00:41:44.000 There's not a lot of enthusiasm here.

00:41:45.000 Like, this is the weird Machiavellian genius behind the whole mess.

00:41:50.000 These guys are just along for the ride.

00:41:51.000 And then Chris is like, I'm practicing sex.

00:41:54.000 Once I get good at it, I can get the fuck out of here.

00:41:56.000 Look at it.

00:41:57.000 She has a schlub fetish.

00:42:00.000 What's your turn-ons?

00:42:01.000 Schlubs. 1.00

00:42:02.000 This could all fucking.

00:42:03.000 Walks on the beach.

00:42:05.000 Margaritas.

00:42:07.000 Romantic music.

00:42:08.000 And of course, schlubs. 0.92

00:42:10.000 A wide variety of the same guy.

00:42:13.000 This is the various stages of dork.

00:42:18.000 I've known Ethan since junior high, and we made things official recently, but we've basically been dating for about two years now.

00:42:28.000 The term poly, meaning multiple, often refers to a three-person relationship.

00:42:33.000 But for these guys, it's Tori and her four separate lovers.

00:42:38.000 And the next one would be Mark.

00:42:39.000 We met in high school.

00:42:41.000 Just pause.

00:42:42.000 Can we bring back bullying, please?

00:42:44.000 We used to wedgie nerds.

00:42:46.000 I remember hanging this guy, Craig, on a basketball net.

00:42:48.000 He must have been there for two days.

00:42:50.000 And I think his underwear started to split his actual butt cheeks into two.

00:42:56.000 You know what he ended up being?

00:42:57.000 A very successful engineer at a huge telecom company.

00:43:00.000 Bill Gates, Steve Jobs.

00:43:03.000 Bullying used to make these men into super geniuses and really successful men because of hate, because of animosity, because of resentment for the jocks and what we did to you.

00:43:13.000 Now, left to their own devices, they've drifted into involuntary homosexuality. 1.00

00:43:20.000 Now they're just like licking each other's flaccid penises while another one farts. 1.00

00:43:28.000 And then Chris is the newest addition.

00:43:30.000 Hello, Anthony.

00:43:31.000 We've been dating since April.

00:43:35.000 The relationship could best be described by having Tori as the hub and all of us are spokes.

00:43:40.000 Yeah, we got that.

00:43:44.000 That's probably the diameter of their penis is too. 0.99

00:43:48.000 Yay.

00:43:49.000 Yay! 0.99

00:43:51.000 No.

00:43:51.000 Who said yay?

00:43:53.000 I think two people said yay.

00:43:55.000 I think she said yay.

00:43:56.000 Yay.

00:43:57.000 Yay.

00:43:58.000 That was Ethan.

00:43:59.000 Was that Ethan?

00:44:00.000 Yes.

00:44:01.000 That's Ethan's only contribution verbally so far.

00:44:03.000 Is he like a genius homo? 1.00

00:44:05.000 Maybe.

00:44:07.000 Yay.

00:44:08.000 Yay! 0.99

00:44:11.000 Wait, I didn't see him say yay.

00:44:12.000 That's the ugly rat guy?

00:44:13.000 Oh, no, that's Travis.

00:44:14.000 This is Ethan, right?

00:44:14.000 Yeah.

00:44:15.000 Yeah.

00:44:16.000 Sorry, now I'm ready.

00:44:16.000 Oh, let's see.

00:44:17.000 We thought he was a mute.

00:44:19.000 I have a yay.

00:44:22.000 Yay.

00:44:24.000 Maybe he should be a mute.

00:44:27.000 I'll pay for it.

00:44:28.000 Are you all quite competitive when it comes to games?

00:44:30.000 Yeah.

00:44:34.000 People are talking to me.

00:44:36.000 So is there any one person that tends to win when you play games?

00:44:41.000 Guilty as charged.

00:44:45.000 They're looking at me and I'm on TV.

00:44:47.000 Oh, man.

00:44:48.000 Travis is really happy.

00:44:49.000 Your head's blocking him, but.

00:44:50.000 Yay, Travis, his plan is working out.

00:44:57.000 It's not my fault.

00:44:58.000 It is your fault.

00:44:59.000 You're a genius.

00:45:04.000 What did he say?

00:45:05.000 You play this game to win.

00:45:06.000 You're just like basically sewing chaos.

00:45:09.000 This level of nerd is disturbing.

00:45:14.000 While this poly quintet are happy to play games with one another, the shelves are literally buckling with the weight of their stupid, nerdy games.

00:45:24.000 Betrayal at House on the Hill.

00:45:27.000 Ooh, Katan.

00:45:29.000 Trade, build, Settle. 1.00

00:45:31.000 That's as far as play goes for the boys in this relationship.

00:45:34.000 We're not romantic with each other.

00:45:36.000 We're all just connected with her.

00:45:37.000 Although Tori might like it to be another way.

00:45:39.000 Well, there's a guy's arm resting on my chest.

00:45:42.000 They're all more than welcome to have another partner if they so choose, but as of currently, no.

00:45:48.000 Honestly.

00:45:49.000 Yeah, it's called supply and demand.

00:45:51.000 Nobody wants to fuck them. 0.64

00:45:53.000 But if somebody found a second partner, you know, dividing time between all five people and making sure everyone feels included is kind of difficult.

00:46:04.000 That's why we invented monogamy. 1.00

00:46:06.000 That's why these fucking plans never work.

00:46:09.000 Can they check in on some polyamorous relationships? 0.98

00:46:12.000 I'm sure you've heard of it before.

00:46:13.000 You've heard of some guy who started screwing his girlfriend and his roommate and they were like, we're in a threesome.

00:46:18.000 It's really cool.

00:46:19.000 You always hear about that for maybe like a month.

00:46:21.000 Maybe two months.

00:46:23.000 And then plates were smashed.

00:46:25.000 There was tears.

00:46:27.000 What does Tim Hunt say?

00:46:29.000 Girls crawl. 1.00

00:46:30.000 You fall in love.

00:46:32.000 Four men are vying for just one woman's attention.

00:46:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:37.000 Where's your wife? 0.99

00:46:38.000 Oh, she's getting banged by Rat Boy tonight.

00:46:41.000 Regretfully, a lot of the time.

00:46:45.000 And then they giggle.

00:46:46.000 You experience jealousy.

00:46:48.000 Yeah.

00:46:50.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:46:52.000 Regretfully, a lot of the time.

00:46:56.000 God set that up.

00:46:58.000 It's like, how often do you feel uncomfortable when you make out with your sister?

00:47:02.000 Regretfully, a lot of the time.

00:47:04.000 It's almost like I'm not designed to do this.

00:47:08.000 But thankfully, there are a couple of healthy ways to deal with it.

00:47:14.000 Primarily just talking to each other.

00:47:16.000 We have a tendency to talk around the moment of, hey, I need some time with Tori rather than actually saying it outright.

00:47:26.000 Yeah.

00:47:27.000 But introvert, introvert, extrovert, extrovert, introvert.

00:47:35.000 Wait, I got confused there.

00:47:36.000 Introvert, introvert, extrovert, introvert, introvert.

00:47:40.000 I don't care.

00:47:40.000 So the two of you.

00:47:41.000 I just play it.

00:47:42.000 We don't think we're going to make it to the whole thing.

00:47:45.000 So only two of us are actually any good at open communication.

00:47:51.000 You know the person.

00:47:52.000 Okay, cool.

00:47:54.000 An example, seeing her with Ethan, a lot easier because I was friends with him.

00:48:00.000 Her and Chris was a bit dicier at first.

00:48:03.000 There was a lot more jealousy and I'll openly admit that.

00:48:06.000 Just pause.

00:48:07.000 I don't believe him that he's having trouble.

00:48:09.000 This is all his plan.

00:48:11.000 This is his setup.

00:48:12.000 And it's kind of interesting that a man that ugly, he's literally like a cornered rat.

00:48:17.000 He looks like a rat, but his IQ is high because he has to do that to survive.

00:48:22.000 So these mammals are incredible, these human beings, where they can be cornered and told, no, no one wants to fuck you because you look like a rodent.

00:48:29.000 And then he figures out a way by like eating away at the corner, managed to like get through underneath a hole in the stove and then like just get some scraps by sharing a big piece of like a piece of bacon that someone else dropped and like giving it to the other rats.

00:48:44.000 Finding a little crawl space, digging holes.

00:48:49.000 He's good.

00:48:50.000 Yeah, I'm impressed.

00:48:51.000 I'm impressed with humanity, really, that they can figure out ways to get over their curse.

00:48:55.000 The same goes for Mark, because I'd never interacted with them.

00:48:58.000 Yeah, I'm going to have to nay that.

00:49:00.000 I nay your nay. 0.66

00:49:01.000 But for me personally, yeah.

00:49:03.000 I've never been with the idea of monogamy, so I've always looked for...

00:49:08.000 You'll notice how when Vince Neal or Nikki Six or another member of Motley Crew is fucking 4chicks, it's one of the most exciting looking, funnest, most colorful possible scenarios. 1.00

00:49:21.000 I heard about Billy Idol when he was recording, I think it was Rebel Yell.

00:49:25.000 He would just walk around the studio in cowboy boots and nothing else, and they'd have chicks everywhere that they'd just be banging and then making songs. 1.00

00:49:31.000 And if you had made a documentary about that, it would look fucking fascinating.

00:49:35.000 But then when fat, ugly, loser nerd women do the same thing in reverse, you just go, this is mundane. 1.00

00:49:44.000 Even the clutter on their shelves is tedious and dull.

00:49:49.000 A polyamorous relationship.

00:49:51.000 So would you ever consider a romantic relationship with each other?

00:49:55.000 I don't really know, to be honest.

00:49:57.000 I guess I'd be, I'm open to it.

00:50:00.000 Ugh, keep going.

00:50:02.000 But I'm not going to go after it.

00:50:04.000 I know Ethan and I saw that.

00:50:07.000 Just pause.

00:50:08.000 Doesn't he look like those guys in a chair?

00:50:14.000 Like cerebral palsy?

00:50:15.000 Yeah, he looks like you're wheeling around a chair at Disneyland and you're showing him the stuff.

00:50:19.000 He looks like the weasel in Ice Age.

00:50:22.000 Wow.

00:50:22.000 Yes, sin.

00:50:24.000 They tried it before him and Ethan.

00:50:25.000 Look at this lazy piece of shit. 0.98

00:50:27.000 He's not an ugly guy.

00:50:29.000 Imagine being so lazy, you just end up in a fat pig polyamorous relationship just because you'd rather play games on your phone.

00:50:37.000 And this guy's like, that's it.

00:50:39.000 Keep being lazy, buddy.

00:50:40.000 I got a plan.

00:50:41.000 It's like the host and parasite type relationship.

00:50:44.000 Yeah, sure.

00:50:45.000 I guess I'll do that.

00:50:46.000 Parasites prey on the weak.

00:50:49.000 Flopped really fast.

00:50:50.000 I can't.

00:50:51.000 Oh, yeah, that's what it's.

00:50:57.000 Look at their walls.

00:50:59.000 Such a dull house.

00:51:00.000 They're so uninteresting, these fucking people.

00:51:06.000 It's my turn.

00:51:07.000 And now this five-way relationship is about to be joined by an additional member.

00:51:12.000 Poor fucking kid.

00:51:14.000 Can you imagine that kid?

00:51:15.000 We're all ashamed of our parents.

00:51:17.000 We're all uncomfortable when they pick us up at school.

00:51:19.000 But imagine these parents coming by your school.

00:51:23.000 Just me.

00:51:24.000 I'll walk actually.

00:51:25.000 The nursery.

00:51:26.000 So it's starting to get set up.

00:51:29.000 It's not quite done yet.

00:51:30.000 Not in the other couple of months, so we still have some more time.

00:51:34.000 So, wait a minute.

00:51:34.000 Three of these guys are literally cucks.

00:51:36.000 They're going to be raising someone else's baby. 0.83

00:51:40.000 They'll alternate cookness. 0.97

00:51:41.000 Cuckatoo.

00:51:43.000 I'm currently about 23-24 weeks pregnant.

00:51:47.000 We found out a couple weeks ago that we're having a girl.

00:51:51.000 We're very excited.

00:51:52.000 And so who's the father of the baby?

00:51:58.000 Ratman.

00:51:59.000 So Chris Is the biological father?

00:52:02.000 The one practicing.

00:52:03.000 I knew it.

00:52:03.000 I practiced more than all the other guys.

00:52:05.000 He's the newcomer.

00:52:07.000 Yeah, it's just a number of fucks.

00:52:10.000 I mean, this guy's smoking pot.

00:52:10.000 It's statistic.

00:52:12.000 These guys are sleeping in front of the video games.

00:52:15.000 And then this guy, I don't know why he wasn't getting his numbers up.

00:52:19.000 But this is the practicer we talked about.

00:52:21.000 He's at college.

00:52:23.000 He's at the gym right now training.

00:52:26.000 We just know that because of timing.

00:52:32.000 But God, what a bunch of fucking losers.

00:52:38.000 But as far as, I guess, socially goes, we're all raising the baby together, so everyone's dad.

00:52:46.000 Look how unenthusiar.

00:52:48.000 You know what this reminds me of?

00:52:49.000 Remember that teacher who screwed her student? 1.00

00:52:51.000 She was like the first one to do it.

00:52:53.000 And his name was like Buddha or something?

00:52:56.000 And we'll look her up after this.

00:52:58.000 But she went to jail for it because she was told, stay away from him.

00:53:02.000 He's just 13.

00:53:04.000 Janet Latoy.

00:53:07.000 She's got a weird long name that sounds kind of French.

00:53:11.000 Mary Latourneau.

00:53:12.000 That's it.

00:53:13.000 And they would do updates on them.

00:53:15.000 And after she got out of jail, I think it was like five years.

00:53:19.000 He was an adult.

00:53:20.000 They got married, had kids.

00:53:21.000 And he was just miserable because he was dating this old bag. 0.99

00:53:24.000 He was like Mark Marin.

00:53:27.000 What's the president of France?

00:53:30.000 He was like the president, Macron.

00:53:32.000 He was like the president of France dating this hideous old cow. 0.52

00:53:35.000 No, no, don't go to that.

00:53:36.000 Stick with the video.

00:53:37.000 Everyone knows Mary Latourneau.

00:53:39.000 But I see the same look.

00:53:40.000 Like, this is Buddha.

00:53:42.000 I fucked up.

00:53:43.000 Every time you guys try to reinvent the wheel, you're always struggling in this Flintstones car with your big square wheels going badunk, badunk, badunk, badunk, badunk, ba-dunk.

00:53:53.000 How do you feel about everyone operating?

00:53:55.000 Except for me.

00:53:56.000 It's definitely a little interesting.

00:53:58.000 I mean, I grew up with the idea of, you know, one dad, one mom.

00:54:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:02.000 But there's a lot of support between all of us dads.

00:54:06.000 We're always joining.

00:54:07.000 That's kind of cool to cuck three guys all at one time.

00:54:09.000 It's kind of badass.

00:54:10.000 It's kind of the most bullying thing you could ever do.

00:54:13.000 I thought the rat was the winner, but it turns out the practicer is the king of this game.

00:54:18.000 Wins the unicorn game.

00:54:19.000 Yay! 0.99

00:54:21.000 Getting stuck in an endless loop of go ask your dad.

00:54:24.000 Stuck in an endless loop.

00:54:25.000 Having an unusual relationship structure has meant they've also made for some embarrassing decals.

00:54:31.000 Judgment in different forms.

00:54:33.000 Polyamory is definitely an uncommon thing.

00:54:36.000 A lot of people have grown up in monogamy culture of, you know, you don't really love someone if you have eyes for somebody else.

00:54:44.000 It sucks to have to say, but I probably have more of the negative reaction from friends and family when I first got into the relationship.

00:54:54.000 My friend group was not very supportive of it at all.

00:54:57.000 My family is slowly coming around to the idea.

00:54:59.000 Just to be clear here, we don't have a problem with it because we think it's immoral, though it is.

00:55:05.000 And it somehow offends us.

00:55:08.000 We think you're a sad loser and we don't want you doing that.

00:55:13.000 There's so many of these scenarios where they assume we have a problem with you.

00:55:16.000 And we go, no, we don't have a problem with you.

00:55:18.000 I'm just telling you you're fucking up.

00:55:20.000 Like fat people, morbidly obese people, they go, you know, when you chastise us, it makes us depressed and then we eat more.

00:55:26.000 I don't give a shit.

00:55:27.000 I'm not here to cure you.

00:55:28.000 I'm not your trainer.

00:55:29.000 I'm here to tell you that you're fucking up.

00:55:33.000 People, you four, five, what are they?

00:55:36.000 These five people are fucking up and they're cursing this poor child.

00:55:41.000 The pregnancy has helped with that? 0.97

00:55:44.000 Even if they all broke up now, the son or the daughter has to know that this is how she was conceived in a retarded nerd orgy. 1.00

00:55:56.000 Most of my friends know all of my partners and they blah blah and think that we're cute and such.

00:56:04.000 My family is kind of quiet about their disapproval.

00:56:09.000 The relationship was also met with mixed feelings.

00:56:11.000 Quiet.

00:56:12.000 They were just speechless is all.

00:56:14.000 Yeah, imagine you're her brother.

00:56:15.000 Wait, what's going on?

00:56:16.000 You're fucking that rat guy?

00:56:18.000 Yeah.

00:56:19.000 Isn't he handicapped?

00:56:20.000 Didn't I see him at Disneyland in a special chair getting in front of the line?

00:56:29.000 Okay, so you're with him?

00:56:31.000 No, I'm with a weird bi-bully nerd named Chris who wears black nail polish and is practicing sex on me.

00:56:40.000 Oh, Karen, what the fuck?

00:56:42.000 Are you kidding me?

00:56:43.000 Wait, there's more.

00:56:45.000 You know those two useless schlubs that play video games at my house 24 hours a day? 1.00

00:56:49.000 Yeah, I told you to kick those guys out. 0.99

00:56:52.000 They're kind of fucking me too.

00:56:55.000 Oh.

00:56:56.000 It would be like Woody Allen in that movie where he finds out that someone defecated on his sister and an SNM, a date gone awry, and he just takes off his glasses and goes, oh.

00:57:06.000 It's one of the best scenes I've ever seen in any movie.

00:57:11.000 I will admit that since I'm heroic, look at these obese pigs. 0.89

00:57:16.000 You're dying, Fatso. 0.97

00:57:17.000 Be protective if I wasn't expecting the pregnancy.

00:57:20.000 Look at his sandals.

00:57:20.000 Yeah, look at him.

00:57:22.000 Look how he walks.

00:57:24.000 Ew, they even walk like losers.

00:57:28.000 I didn't know there was a loser gait.

00:57:30.000 I was like, oh, you're so young.

00:57:31.000 I was like, oh, you're kidding.

00:57:35.000 What's with his leg brace?

00:57:37.000 Now, since then, it's really exciting.

00:57:39.000 I'm very excited to meet my niece.

00:57:41.000 It takes a lot of time.

00:57:42.000 Why isn't Alistair walking with me?

00:57:44.000 I just feel like the more love that you could put in, the better the outcome for the kid can be.

00:57:49.000 That's how it works.

00:57:50.000 Yep.

00:57:52.000 That's why kids who grew up on communes are so smart and well-adjusted.

00:57:57.000 You're in for a shitty ride there, buddy.

00:57:59.000 ...judgment, jealousy, and jostling for attention.

00:58:02.000 These guys are more than excited to welcome the sixth person into their family.

00:58:07.000 What have we done?

00:58:08.000 But I couldn't think of a better family to raise a baby in.

00:58:10.000 I'm definitely excited.

00:58:12.000 This is going to be an adventure, so...

00:58:15.000 I believe it.

00:58:16.000 I believe he can't conceive of a better family because this is his level of thinking that things are good.

00:58:21.000 Look at this guy.

00:58:22.000 I'm out.

00:58:24.000 I'm going to shave.

00:58:25.000 I'm going to go to the barber.

00:58:26.000 I'm going to lose my spare worst clothes.

00:58:29.000 I'm going to do some sit-ups.

00:58:30.000 I'm done.

00:58:31.000 This guy's.

00:58:32.000 I can't decide whether he's in or out.

00:58:34.000 This guy's out too.

00:58:35.000 And we're going to end up with a Game of Thrones battle between two bullies and masterminds.

00:58:40.000 These two Machiavellian little finanglers, rat boy and bully nerd.

00:58:46.000 Ethan's over it, but he's not going anywhere.

00:58:50.000 I think what's going to happen.

00:58:52.000 Is this Ethan?

00:58:53.000 Yeah.

00:58:53.000 I think what's going to happen with Ethan, they'll go, hey, you haven't been in the fuckroom for like two months.

00:58:57.000 Yeah, just, I'll get in there.

00:58:59.000 What?

00:59:00.000 You don't find her attractive anyway? 1.00

00:59:01.000 No, I do.

00:59:01.000 I definitely do.

00:59:02.000 I just, he just jerks off to porn.

00:59:05.000 Maybe they both beat him up.

00:59:06.000 I'm ready for it.

00:59:08.000 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

00:59:12.000 We laugh.

00:59:13.000 We love to laugh.

00:59:15.000 This is a disgusting example of our self-indulgent, lazy society where mental obesity and physical obesity have become married.

00:59:25.000 And now we just sort of slog through life, sucking and fucking and getting pregnant like a bunch of lost turds. 0.79

00:59:34.000 This isn't just one story.

00:59:36.000 This story is about the entire Western world.

00:59:50.000 I'm warning you, if you are of Scotch-Irish descent and you're drunk, do not listen to that song in public because, first of all, you will listen to it 40 times in a row and you will start to cry. 0.99

01:00:05.000 So we're going to get to the hypocrisy.

01:00:06.000 Don't worry.

01:00:08.000 But we should still sort of update.

01:00:10.000 So I had a dinner with Anne on Friday.

01:00:13.000 Steak frit.

01:00:15.000 Delicious.

01:00:17.000 She had a bunch of crazy stories about people stalking her and trying to attack her.

01:00:24.000 I better clear them with her first before I tell them.

01:00:26.000 Did she like my Dinesh impression?

01:00:29.000 I forgot to play it for her.

01:00:30.000 I went to her birthday, too, on Sunday.

01:00:33.000 And Bill Schultz was there, and he spent the whole time going to have smokes because the host didn't want smoking in his apartment.

01:00:40.000 What a douche.

01:00:42.000 And here's the other thing, Bill.

01:00:44.000 You and I are didactic and exciting.

01:00:47.000 You just talk like a raving homosexual, but it's still entertaining. 1.00

01:00:52.000 Our job is at that.

01:00:53.000 Our job is to be at these parties and to be fraternizing.

01:00:57.000 And you talk to each person in the party.

01:01:00.000 You got to think of a good excuse to sort of move.

01:01:02.000 Usually going get a drink or going pee or a good ways, going to get cheese crackers or something.

01:01:06.000 But you know who was there at the birthday party was the owner of the cellar bar.

01:01:09.000 Fascinating dude.

01:01:11.000 Really cool guy.

01:01:12.000 And we talked about comedy and we talked about the magic sprinkles.

01:01:19.000 Yeah, the magic sprinkles that make someone funny.

01:01:22.000 And some people don't have them.

01:01:25.000 Like I use this example.

01:01:27.000 Tom Segura, you hear him talk and you go, oh, you have the sprinkles.

01:01:30.000 Bert Kreischer, I love the guy.

01:01:33.000 Awesome dude.

01:01:33.000 Great comedian.

01:01:34.000 But does he have the sprinkles?

01:01:35.000 No, he's just a hard worker.

01:01:38.000 And it's one of these fields where you can have a successful career if you just really work hard.

01:01:44.000 You can't do that with music.

01:01:45.000 You can't be a shitty bassist and be playing with Prince on stage.

01:01:50.000 You can't be in the NBA if you just work real hard and show up for practice.

01:01:56.000 You have 110%.

01:01:58.000 But with comedy, like Paul Mercurio, not a funny person.

01:02:02.000 He doesn't have the sprinkles, but he's got a 20-minute set that he could never waver from.

01:02:07.000 And he just sort of repeats jokes like karaoke.

01:02:10.000 But he's not an intrinsically funny person.

01:02:12.000 Out of 100 people, there are five funny people.

01:02:16.000 Four of them are men, one is a woman.

01:02:18.000 That's just a fact.

01:02:20.000 Now, out of those 100, 60 appreciate comedy.

01:02:27.000 You know who's like that?

01:02:28.000 Chloe Seveny.

01:02:29.000 I used to hang out with her.

01:02:31.000 She's not remotely funny, but she loves humor and she likes being around it.

01:02:36.000 That's why, despite only being 5% of the population, sitcoms and Sunday funnies and comedies do really well because people like comedy.

01:02:43.000 But that still leaves 40.

01:02:44.000 40% don't know what you're doing.

01:02:46.000 Which is why that woman came up to me and said, I understand there's a problem with her performance. 0.99

01:02:52.000 No, it's called a joke, bitch. 1.00

01:02:55.000 It's called a joke, bitch. 1.00

01:02:58.000 You're my joke, bitch. 1.00

01:03:00.000 I laugh with you.

01:03:02.000 That's all.

01:03:03.000 My joke, bitch. 1.00

01:03:04.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:03:04.000 I'm looking through my weekend here.

01:03:06.000 We went to some panda festival that Johnny hated because it was freezing cold.

01:03:09.000 I don't know if we should do catch-up weekend.

01:03:10.000 Panda Festival?

01:03:12.000 Yeah, it's stupid.

01:03:13.000 It's in the parking lot of City Field.

01:03:17.000 All your unicorns are pandas.

01:03:19.000 And it's just a bunch of pandas.

01:03:22.000 Like the kind they light up with the steel grid.

01:03:25.000 I don't need to bore you with that.

01:03:26.000 I put up a bunch of Christmas decorations.

01:03:28.000 Oh, one thing I did was I made these letters this big, wood letters, and then painted them white, and they say Merry Christmas.

01:03:37.000 No, that's not it, dumbass.

01:03:39.000 What did you Google?

01:03:40.000 Panda Festival.

01:03:42.000 Just go Panda City Field Now 2019.

01:03:48.000 That was it.

01:03:48.000 It literally has a Mets thing and everything.

01:03:51.000 Well, it was real warm that day.

01:03:55.000 It's the lit things.

01:03:56.000 It's that, yeah.

01:03:58.000 Oh.

01:03:59.000 That's where we went.

01:04:00.000 Hello, Panda.

01:04:01.000 Looks cool, right?

01:04:02.000 Yeah.

01:04:02.000 It sucks.

01:04:04.000 It's just like, you just look at the.

01:04:06.000 You should have seen the food I had.

01:04:07.000 Now I'm talking about the thing I just said.

01:04:09.000 I'm not going to talk about.

01:04:10.000 I bet the bids were really low for the food court, which was just a cold dome.

01:04:15.000 Everything was freezing.

01:04:18.000 And I think a lot of Chinese people know, Chinese restaurants know, oh, there's going to be all Chinese people here.

01:04:23.000 It was mostly all Chinese.

01:04:25.000 This is good advertising.

01:04:26.000 But I think a lot of black ghetto Harlem hustlers went, I could still make some money on this. 0.98

01:04:32.000 So they bid on like some of these kiosks.

01:04:37.000 Like one guy was selling grilled cheeses.

01:04:38.000 What are you showing now, Ryan?

01:04:40.000 This is Hello Panda Festival.

01:04:42.000 No, it's not.

01:04:43.000 That is.

01:04:46.000 He makes the grilled cheese with the sort of granules, like that pre-gritted cheese you can buy the grocery store.

01:04:52.000 He just sprinkles that on two pieces of bread and he cooks it a little bit.

01:04:57.000 And then he gives it to me.

01:04:58.000 And I'm like, when you buy a grilled cheese from a place, you imagine like, oh, exotic cheeses and cheddar dripping on the side.

01:05:05.000 Maybe there's tomato soup or there's other dips, and it's like big chunky wheat bread or something.

01:05:11.000 No, this was like white wonder bread with grated cheese in it and not cooked.

01:05:15.000 I bit into it, and I could see the little granules falling out.

01:05:18.000 And there's a thing they do with that grated cheese when you buy it like that.

01:05:21.000 There's like a little powder on it so they don't stick together.

01:05:26.000 So it's like this shitty, powdery, oh, it was the worst grilled cheese I've ever had.

01:05:32.000 And then the next day, Johnny said, that was the worst day of my life.

01:05:36.000 That's them making your grilled cheese. 0.98

01:05:38.000 Which is such a fuck you to my wife who works hard doing these things. 1.00

01:05:40.000 But man, my weekends are from the second I wake up, like on Sunday.

01:05:44.000 Hey, the girls want pancakes. 1.00

01:05:46.000 My daughter had a sleepover and I make pancakes on Sundays.

01:05:49.000 Okay, I better get up.

01:05:50.000 I got to make the pancakes.

01:05:51.000 And then we have to go and I have to finish the decorations on the front of the house, which is a bitch. 1.00

01:05:55.000 It's like a five-day job doing all, and getting all the cords plugged in and everything.

01:05:58.000 It's not easy.

01:06:00.000 And then we got to go get a tree.

01:06:01.000 And then I got to go to my boys' basketball game.

01:06:03.000 And then I got to go to Ann's birthday party.

01:06:06.000 I didn't eat until 9 p.m.

01:06:09.000 Anyway, that's boring.

01:06:11.000 I want to show you the Woody Allen thing I was talking about with the glasses.

01:06:15.000 This is my favorite scene in the movie.

01:06:17.000 It's Annie Hall.

01:06:19.000 It says crimes and misdemeanors.

01:06:20.000 Annie Hall.

01:06:26.000 So, we both came back here and she's describing a date to her brother, Woody Allen, and talking about this guy she took home.

01:06:37.000 You know, she's sleeping over to friend's house. 1.00

01:06:40.000 And it was like one o'clock in the morning or something.

01:06:43.000 And we both had had a little to drink.

01:06:46.000 You know, I want to tie you to the bed.

01:06:49.000 Really?

01:06:50.000 And rip your dress off. 1.00

01:06:53.000 Have you ever been bound up, tied up, and made love to?

01:06:58.000 Um, I'm a sensible gal.

01:07:04.000 No more, you're not.

01:07:07.000 God murdered.

01:07:08.000 God, um.

01:07:10.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:07:11.000 Tying someone.

01:07:12.000 I'm shocked at what I'm hearing.

01:07:14.000 You're my sister.

01:07:15.000 You're this nice middle-class mother.

01:07:17.000 What are you telling me?

01:07:19.000 I couldn't move.

01:07:21.000 I was tied tightly to the bedposts.

01:07:24.000 Oh, Jesus, by a str- A guy that you didn't know?

01:07:28.000 And now you're going to tell me that he robbed you, right?

01:07:31.000 No.

01:07:32.000 Turn it up.

01:07:33.000 He got on top of me.

01:07:37.000 And why?

01:07:38.000 I can't say it.

01:07:39.000 I can't say it.

01:07:39.000 I just.

01:07:41.000 Why not?

01:07:41.000 Tell me.

01:07:42.000 What's so terrible?

01:07:43.000 Cardi B. He sat over me and went to the bathroom.

01:07:48.000 Oh! 0.60

01:07:50.000 That's so disgusting!

01:07:53.000 Oh my God, that's disgusting.

01:07:54.000 Go back.

01:07:56.000 I've seen this 8 billion times.

01:07:57.000 He went to the bathroom.

01:07:58.000 Oh! 0.60

01:08:00.000 Oh! 0.60

01:08:01.000 That's so disgusting!

01:08:03.000 Oh my God, that's the worst thing I've been doing.

01:08:07.000 One more time.

01:08:07.000 It took a second, then it hits him like a bullet.

01:08:11.000 Oh! 0.60

01:08:11.000 Bathroom. 0.60

01:08:14.000 That's so disgusting!

01:08:16.000 Oh my God, that's the worst thing I ever heard.

01:08:19.000 And now that's another clip.

01:08:20.000 But then the other clip is he goes home and he tells his wife, who's, I think, ready to divorce him, and her response is so good.

01:08:27.000 Defecated on my sister.

01:08:29.000 Go back, go back.

01:08:32.000 A strange man defecated on my sister.

01:08:37.000 Why?

01:08:41.000 I don't know.

01:08:43.000 Is there any reason I could give you that would answer that sound?

01:08:50.000 She was rude.

01:08:52.000 It's so mysterious.

01:08:56.000 I'm glad we, so that's a good intro to Hypocrisy because that was meritocracy.

01:08:56.000 All right.

01:09:04.000 When Woody Allen was making those movies, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Husbands and Wives, Murder Mystery, Manhattan, whatever that one's called, Annie Hall, Hannah and Her Sisters, those were all incredibly high-quality films that were done by an expert.

01:09:19.000 And we didn't, it wasn't because he was a small Jew or something.

01:09:22.000 We said, he needs a break in the film industry.

01:09:25.000 We just went, this guy's really good at his job.

01:09:27.000 We're away from meritocracy right now.

01:09:29.000 And now it's all about pulling up people we see as disenfranchised and pushing down the people we see as privileged.

01:09:36.000 And you end up with this topsy-turvy shithole of a scenario.

01:09:40.000 For example, 1-9, man who offered $500 to kill ICE is acquitted.

01:09:50.000 Now, our guys get four years in prison for fighting Antifa.

01:09:55.000 That's basically all it comes down to.

01:09:57.000 No charges.

01:09:58.000 No broken bones, no blood.

01:10:00.000 No broken bones, and no one wanting to press charges.

01:10:04.000 A federal jury at U.S. District Court in Boston cleared Brandon Ziabrowski, 35, of New York City.

01:10:09.000 He had faced up to five years in prison and a fine of as much as $250,000 if convicted.

01:10:15.000 Ziabrowski had been charged with using interstate and foreign commerce to transmit a threat.

01:10:20.000 Jurors got the case Friday afternoon after a week of testimony.

01:10:23.000 He said after the verdict, he was relieved.

01:10:25.000 Now, is that free speech?

01:10:25.000 The ordeal was over.

01:10:27.000 No, not by the law.

01:10:29.000 Offering a bounty for someone to be killed, that's not an opinion.

01:10:34.000 That is against the law.

01:10:35.000 That's a credible threat.

01:10:38.000 If you're the head of the bloods and you say, kill Ryan Rivera.

01:10:43.000 Hey, I saw that.

01:10:45.000 It looks like you...

01:10:47.000 I think I have lines.

01:10:48.000 My bad.

01:10:49.000 I thought you mouthed a thing.

01:10:51.000 I have lines of Coke.

01:10:53.000 I have lines of care.

01:10:57.000 Then that's not free speech.

01:10:59.000 That's you getting someone killed.

01:11:01.000 But it's anti-ice.

01:11:03.000 It's anti-immigration.

01:11:04.000 That's cool.

01:11:05.000 Now, conversely, 2-0, this kid in Britain, and I know you want to separate Britain and say it's, no, it's all the West.

01:11:12.000 It's all the same.

01:11:13.000 They're worse off than we are, yes.

01:11:15.000 But we're not that far away.

01:11:17.000 In Canada and the UK, the government persecutes her for violating the rules. 0.67

01:11:21.000 In America, the mob does it.

01:11:23.000 So this is the same.

01:11:26.000 This kid was jailed for 18 months.

01:11:28.000 So that's not jail.

01:11:29.000 That's prison.

01:11:30.000 After calling for Muslims to be wiped off the face of the earth in vile 17-minute Facebook video rant.

01:11:37.000 I like his stance there.

01:11:38.000 What is that?

01:11:40.000 Is that the lowest Z Guile ever?

01:11:43.000 Go back.

01:11:44.000 Lewis Duxbury, no, let me read the subheads.

01:11:48.000 Issued a call to arms during the rant after the terror attacks in 2017.

01:11:51.000 The court heard Duxbury was first reported to police about his views, aged 15.

01:11:56.000 So a 15-year-old, we're following him in his views.

01:11:59.000 And that's not plausible to wipe all the Muslims off the face of the earth.

01:12:04.000 This guy lost his temper after there was yet another terror attack, and he said something incorrigible, but not plausible.

01:12:12.000 What, are there a billion Muslims in the world?

01:12:14.000 So this is clearly his opinion.

01:12:16.000 This is free speech.

01:12:18.000 Jailed for 18 months.

01:12:22.000 And by the way, I was talking on the other episode about how I have censored alt-right dudes and anti-Semites and bona fide racists because it just kills the conversation when you don't.

01:12:32.000 And that seemed like I'm being hypocritical.

01:12:35.000 But I got to say, man, it worked.

01:12:37.000 And other people have done this.

01:12:39.000 Like Twitter, when they first started this and they got rid of the very, very bad guys before they got addicted to censorship, Twitter became a better place briefly before they turned it into the witch hunts.

01:12:50.000 And there's places where free speech is bona fide and real and includes killing the total and utter freaks.

01:13:00.000 And those are parlor and duck duck go.

01:13:03.000 If you Google stuff in duck duck go, you can get right-wing results.

01:13:07.000 You can get shocking, offensive, racist things.

01:13:11.000 Same with parlor. 0.98

01:13:12.000 But it isn't to the point where it's polluted the discussion.

01:13:16.000 So it's not a hard thing to do to, I mean, I was going to say to police speech.

01:13:23.000 It's not a hard thing to do to differentiate between, let's say the analogy would be eroticism, between hardcore disgusting pornography that sexualizes children and normal adult content.

01:13:38.000 And that's all we're asking.

01:13:40.000 And then you have these weirdos going, no, no, no, have the child fucking too. 0.86

01:13:43.000 It's all or nothing.

01:13:45.000 No, it's not all or nothing, actually.

01:13:48.000 It is not all or nothing.

01:13:50.000 Which brings us to 2-1.

01:13:51.000 What's 2-1?

01:13:52.000 2-1 is when I was singing...

01:13:57.000 Just click on 2-1.

01:13:58.000 We'll see what it is.

01:14:02.000 What's taking you so much?

01:14:03.000 Oh, I think this goes into the middle.

01:14:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:05.000 Oh, no.

01:14:06.000 This is interesting.

01:14:07.000 So this is under the subject of Muslims being wiped off the face of the earth.

01:14:11.000 There's a new documentary coming out by Tommy Robinson about this guy, Israel Shalom, who grew up in East London, which is now this part of East London.

01:14:21.000 I forget the name of it.

01:14:22.000 It starts with an N. Has become totally overrun by Muslims. 1.00

01:14:25.000 And they beat the shit out of him on a daily basis for being a Jew.

01:14:29.000 He wears a yarmulke.

01:14:31.000 By the way, with the Jews, when you see a yarmulke and the little things hanging down from the belt, that's one of us.

01:14:38.000 That's good news.

01:14:39.000 They like Trump.

01:14:41.000 We begin in France where a surge in anti-Semitic violence and hate speech has members of the Jewish community there fearing for their safety.

01:14:50.000 Jews living in France increasingly feel under threat.

01:14:53.000 Last year, there were more than 500 anti-Semitic offenses here, an increase of around 75%.

01:14:59.000 Once again, the Jewish community. 0.89

01:15:00.000 So just pause.

01:15:01.000 There is a rise in anti-Semitism, but it's Muslims perpetrating it. 0.99

01:15:07.000 And because of the hypocrisy of the media, they don't report on that.

01:15:11.000 They only report when they can find a MAGA hat, Zieg Heiling or something, which is phenomenally rare.

01:15:18.000 It feels like it's undersea.

01:15:20.000 Tonight, armed guards have been posted at synagogues throughout Germany for the start of Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.

01:15:28.000 Hate crimes against Jews have increased by nearly a third since 2010, according to the Home Affairs Select Committee report.

01:15:34.000 Anti-Semitism is once again on the rise.

01:15:38.000 In Paris, there has been a surge in applications for assistance to emigrate to Israel.

01:15:43.000 The agency estimates they won't report on it when it's Muslims, but another thing they'll do is they'll take another group and say that it's white people.

01:15:55.000 Like black kids in Brooklyn without dads who are just fucking brats will go up to Hasids, and they've been doing this forever, and they'll just punch them in the face. 0.99

01:16:03.000 Usually because they don't fight back and they don't see them as human.

01:16:06.000 So they'll show up on their bikes, just punch them in the face.

01:16:08.000 The media will show, or at least within Jewish communities, they'll show like someone with a black eye, and then they'll say, anti-Semitic attacks.

01:16:18.000 That's black kids acting like assholes. 1.00

01:16:20.000 You want to find anti-Semitism, give up on the white thing and focus on Islam. 0.94

01:16:26.000 Islam will leave this year the highest ever. 0.90

01:16:30.000 I'm working on a new documentary.

01:16:34.000 It's a new documentary that's going to be coming out soon.

01:16:37.000 It's a documentary that's going to shock this country.

01:16:41.000 I'm going to tell the story of a man, a man who become my friend.

01:16:45.000 A man who was persecuted to death in modern Britain.

01:16:49.000 We have evidence, we have an investigation that shows medical reports, police reports, hundreds of attacks.

01:16:56.000 The man that begged for help from politicians, begged for help from the mayor.

01:17:01.000 All of his cries for help, majority of them ignored.

01:17:06.000 We're going to investigate how widespread this problem is.

01:17:09.000 You're going to witness footage from this man predicting his own death.

01:17:14.000 Oh my god, he's dead.

01:17:16.000 I didn't know he was dead.

01:17:17.000 You got to Google this.

01:17:19.000 It is so hard to find any information about him.

01:17:22.000 Like, look at what's 2-3?

01:17:25.000 Wait, no, no, no, not 2-3.

01:17:27.000 Is it 2-3?

01:17:28.000 What's 2-3?

01:17:29.000 Merkel.

01:17:30.000 Oh, that's different.

01:17:33.000 Go to 2-4.

01:17:39.000 No, that's the Tommy Doc.

01:17:40.000 Sorry, 2-5, 2-5, 2-5.

01:17:41.000 This is all I could find on this guy, Israel Shalom.

01:17:44.000 And it's way back in 2014 when he's saying British Jew recounts having to flee his London neighborhood after enduring more than 100 anti-Semitic assaults.

01:17:53.000 There he is.

01:17:54.000 That's all I could find on this guy.

01:17:56.000 Now, he's got a weird name, but still, you know, you can be easier.

01:18:00.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:18:01.000 Well, I mean, it's weird because all kinds of shalom stuff shows up in Israel.

01:18:05.000 But yeah, here he is getting his ass kicked and saying, I've had enough of this.

01:18:10.000 And now, apparently, he's dead.

01:18:12.000 I can't find anything on it.

01:18:13.000 Tommy Robinson is the only one reporting it.

01:18:15.000 Where is journalism?

01:18:17.000 Well, that involves vilifying Muslims. 0.77

01:18:19.000 That could lead to a race war. 0.99

01:18:21.000 So you're banned.

01:18:22.000 You may not talk about that.

01:18:24.000 Which brings us to 2-2.

01:18:26.000 Fox News Pete Hagseth is banned from Twitter.

01:18:29.000 Now, there was just that thing in Pensacola, Florida, where this douche Muslim with a pornstash who got really mad when anyone called him pornstash, which, by the way, that's huge. 0.91

01:18:41.000 This goes back to what I was saying about, I'm sick of saying liberal.

01:18:44.000 Joke police, Puritans, anyone who tells you that jokes are bad doesn't understand how important they are for our survival.

01:18:52.000 When you're a recruit in the military and someone calls you porn stash, it's the same with cops.

01:18:58.000 They're ribbing you to see what your boundaries are, to make you tougher, to make sure you can take it.

01:19:03.000 Within every joke is a tiny revolution.

01:19:05.000 Within every mockery is a haze, and haze is how we survive.

01:19:09.000 I need to know you got my back.

01:19:10.000 I need to know you can handle it.

01:19:12.000 So porn stash isn't just a throwaway joke.

01:19:14.000 And when you tell the NYPD they can't joke about dead bodies, you're making them more prone to suicide.

01:19:20.000 Anyway, people are reluctant to call this guy, this Muhammad al-Shamrani, to call it a terrorist attack.

01:19:32.000 Why?

01:19:34.000 Oh, just because he's Muslim, it's terrorist? 0.89

01:19:36.000 No, because of what he said.

01:19:40.000 So Pete Hegseth is from Fox and Friends.

01:19:43.000 He published the guy's tweets, his entire manifesto.

01:19:48.000 And in his manifesto, he makes it very clear that he hates America.

01:19:56.000 And he said in his, if you go down a bit, it says, I'm not against you for just being American.

01:20:01.000 I don't hate you because of your freedoms.

01:20:03.000 I hate you because every day you are supporting, funding, and committing crimes, not only against Muslims, but also humanity.

01:20:10.000 I'm against evil, and America as a whole has turned into a nation of evil.

01:20:15.000 Now, what is jihad?

01:20:17.000 Jihad says you can wage war, ethically murder people, if it is in defense of Islam. 0.99

01:20:26.000 So this guy is a jihadist, and he was committing a violent act for political ends.

01:20:32.000 The political ends are the definition of terrorism.

01:20:37.000 If a jihadist attacks America because of their political policies and he commits violence to gain political victory, that's what a fucking terrorist is.

01:20:46.000 But guess who is in trouble for this?

01:20:48.000 Pete Hegseth.

01:20:49.000 He is banned from Twitter for merely pointing, for merely showing the manifesto.

01:20:55.000 Now, when you have MAGA guys, and this is the key to this episode, when you have MAGA guys like the New Zealand mosque shooter and he's talking about Ben Shapiro and all this conservative media, then they can't wait to out him.

01:21:08.000 They can't wait to show you to show you the manifesto.

01:21:20.000 I'm tempted to ask you to edit that because it was such a bad delivery.

01:21:23.000 I'm just kidding.

01:21:24.000 Yeah, that's the point of this show.

01:21:27.000 It's this hypocrisy where if it furthers the left's agenda, they'll publish the manifesto.

01:21:32.000 If it hurts the agenda, it has to be buried.

01:21:34.000 You cannot find out about Israel Shalom, and you cannot see this Muhammad guy's manifesto because it hurts the narrative, which means modern journalists aren't journalists at all. 0.91

01:21:44.000 They're activists.

01:21:49.000 All right.

01:21:52.000 Oh, and Schroyer immigration.

01:21:54.000 We got that.

01:21:55.000 We got that.

01:21:58.000 I want to go to the mailbag, if we may.

01:22:02.000 We may.

01:22:03.000 I sound like a robot.

01:22:04.000 Because there's a letter we got that adheres to this today's theme.

01:22:11.000 And because I only further my own narrative, I ignore everything that doesn't adhere to the mean.

01:22:18.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dance.

01:22:23.000 Let's turn our eyes together.

01:22:25.000 It's mailbags.

01:22:31.000 Uh, okay, what is it here?

01:22:36.000 Ray Donovan.

01:22:37.000 How do you spell Donovan?

01:22:37.000 I don't...

01:22:43.000 R-A-Y. 1.00

01:22:44.000 Oh, here we go.

01:22:45.000 Two letters.

01:22:46.000 One from Tom.

01:22:47.000 I was watching the morally corrupt show Ray Donovan today.

01:22:51.000 So this is from 3 a.m.

01:22:53.000 And was dumbfounded by the fact that this particular show would go full SJW by showing Bunchie, Delara Joe's little brother, go to a Knights of Manhattan meeting, which is clearly meant to be a Proud Boys meeting.

01:23:07.000 Most of the members were wearing Fred Perry's and MAGA hats.

01:23:10.000 Others were wearing camo hunting attire.

01:23:12.000 And then he puts in records, in Manhattan?

01:23:15.000 And some were dressed like Richard Spencer.

01:23:18.000 The best part is that the group leader delivering the quote-unquote hate speech was dressing like your falling down character.

01:23:24.000 Maybe you can sue Showtime?

01:23:26.000 No.

01:23:26.000 It's funny, though, that Proud Boys was inspired by Ben Ratner and how he couldn't get laid and we wanted to help him out.

01:23:33.000 But it was also the structure I got from being in the Knights of Columbus.

01:23:38.000 So the Knights of Manhattan.

01:23:40.000 And then another letter from Chris.

01:23:42.000 Tonight's episode of Ray Donovan, Showtime 12, 8, 19, featured an incel going to what appeared to be a meeting of a bunch of ultra-right-wing types.

01:23:50.000 One of the guys was wearing a Proud Boy shirt, which was featured for several seconds.

01:23:54.000 Many of the others were wearing MAGA hats, so I might be interested in taking a look at this show.

01:23:57.000 So you have some screen grabs from the show?

01:24:00.000 Yep.

01:24:02.000 We don't have the show up, right?

01:24:03.000 You think we have to be on Showtime?

01:24:05.000 Well, this is a stability.

01:24:08.000 Courage.

01:24:09.000 That's me.

01:24:10.000 Claiming our right as men and securing the future.

01:24:15.000 We have a new face here tonight.

01:24:17.000 Brendan Donovan.

01:24:19.000 A man who took down three armed thugs all by himself.

01:24:26.000 We all need to take that kind of initiative if we're going to stop white genocide. 0.52

01:24:30.000 Blacks, Mexicans, A-Rabs. 1.00

01:24:34.000 They're not afraid to take up arms against us.

01:24:36.000 We need to man up.

01:24:38.000 Mexicans are taking up arms against blacks.

01:24:43.000 That is the farthest thing from a Proud Boys meetup.

01:24:45.000 Only they can see.

01:24:47.000 That's like a Proud Boys meetup minus the fun and plus bullshit.

01:24:52.000 It's like beer, fart jokes, insulting each other.

01:24:57.000 I love when you stand there and then just kind of pontificate a racial podium. 0.53

01:25:01.000 Yeah.

01:25:02.000 And then we're all just quiet and somber.

01:25:04.000 Yeah, there's no chairs.

01:25:06.000 First of all, there's no chairs.

01:25:08.000 There's no one sitting down.

01:25:10.000 Never private.

01:25:10.000 But even Knights of Columbus meetings, as a knight, I'm not allowed to tell you what goes on at these things, but it's not like a padland.

01:25:16.000 Thank you, sir.

01:25:17.000 May I have another?

01:25:18.000 At all men's clubs, the central focus is beer.

01:25:22.000 Always.

01:25:23.000 At the beginning, you walk in, have you got a beer?

01:25:26.000 You have a beer when you leave.

01:25:28.000 The recycling is like bursting.

01:25:30.000 And there's no blacks, Mexicans. 1.00

01:25:32.000 That's another annoying thing.

01:25:33.000 Well, there are blacks and Mexicans.

01:25:34.000 Yeah, there's plenty of blacks and Mexicans in the audience. 0.95

01:25:37.000 They made them all white.

01:25:39.000 Meanwhile, I bet everyone involved in Ray Donovan, or I should say anyone involved in these people's lives is all white. 0.97

01:25:45.000 But I thought, every time I see these, I think, who wrote that episode?

01:25:49.000 And it was written by two playwrights, New York City playwrights.

01:25:53.000 And one of them is a black girl who grew up white and obviously feels guilty about it because all her friends are white.

01:25:58.000 And what those kind of people do, like Jordan Peele, is they really up the black thing in order to make everyone recognize that I'm not a sellout.

01:26:09.000 I'm super black militant.

01:26:11.000 So she did this play called Without Skin or Breathlessness.

01:26:15.000 This is the woman who wrote that.

01:26:16.000 Two women.

01:26:16.000 Tanya Barfield and what's her name?

01:26:18.000 Laura Banks.

01:26:20.000 I can't see you.

01:26:21.000 People like us.

01:26:22.000 People like us.

01:26:23.000 Say something.

01:26:24.000 This is who wrote that radon of an episode you just saw.

01:26:27.000 are allowing radicals to write mainstream action shows because of political correctness, because of affirmative action.

01:26:35.000 Do you want some hot dogs again?

01:26:37.000 How about Kentucky Fried Chicken?

01:26:41.000 Can Marvin come over and play?

01:26:43.000 Wheels.

01:26:49.000 By the way, this is a thing lazy people do where they just do a one-woman play about her life. 1.00

01:26:55.000 So she just did a bunch of me search and she's presenting it as research, like Michelle Obama's book, Becoming Michelle.

01:27:02.000 me I saw that girl.

01:27:10.000 The other girl?

01:27:11.000 The blonde girl.

01:27:13.000 This Whoopi Goldberg did the exact same thing.

01:27:15.000 She walks around dressed exactly like that, and she has a dress shirt on her head. 1.00

01:27:18.000 And she talked about when I was a little girl, I wanted long blonde hair.

01:27:21.000 And I would put a shirt on my head and say, I got long, beautiful hair.

01:27:25.000 And all the white people are sitting in the audience who paid $80 a ticket, just going, she's so talented.

01:27:31.000 Oh, what poor black girls must have gone through.

01:27:34.000 This sucks.

01:27:36.000 And the husbands go, I cannot believe I fucking ended up here.

01:27:40.000 I see this name that I think I recognize because it said the Ann Frank House.

01:27:44.000 Who Gilbert used to be Lil Wayne?

01:27:47.000 I'm going to go check the pan out.

01:27:52.000 And then the other girl is, what's her name?

01:27:54.000 Bethany?

01:27:55.000 Oh, no, Laura Marks.

01:27:57.000 Laura Marks, not Banks.

01:27:58.000 Bethany is the play.

01:28:00.000 And it's the same shit.

01:28:02.000 This is who's writing your TV shows.

01:28:10.000 Under the sink?

01:28:10.000 No, never under the sink.

01:28:12.000 Not even if you have one of those little door latches.

01:28:15.000 Absolutely, because kids are smart.

01:28:17.000 They figure out how to open those things up in about two minutes.

01:28:20.000 Who recorded this?

01:28:21.000 The audio's shit.

01:28:23.000 You couldn't hook up to the soundboard?

01:28:25.000 So this is about the black. 0.74

01:28:27.000 This is a white woman writing about the black struggle.

01:28:32.000 Don't get upset on me.

01:28:34.000 And they get these corny, frumpy, feminist playwrights to handle the show and make it all about white guilt and the imminent mega apocalypse of anti-Semitic racism. 1.00

01:28:43.000 Look, we just showed you the anti-Semitism.

01:28:46.000 It's Islam.

01:28:47.000 Okay?

01:28:48.000 And if you're really desperate to find racism, you may want to check in on South Central and Mexicans and blacks down there.

01:28:54.000 We're not really involved.

01:28:56.000 And the whole fucking white genocide thing.

01:29:00.000 I'm so sick of hearing that.

01:29:04.000 The white genocide thing is sort of like homosexuality, wherein there's this assumption that anyone right of center is petrified of gays and what they get up to.

01:29:14.000 And oh my God, it's so horrible.

01:29:16.000 And at the end of the day, they're just like, yeah, I guess it's a thing.

01:29:20.000 Well, how do you feel about being a minority in 30 years?

01:29:23.000 I don't know.

01:29:24.000 Well, 30 years, I'll be dead.

01:29:25.000 But my kids aren't white.

01:29:26.000 I'm not really, it's not a thing, but I guess it might be bad.

01:29:29.000 Aha, that's your obsession.

01:29:31.000 You probably have big seminars at a podium.

01:29:33.000 This is why we got to put up Otoya Yamaguchi speech tonight.

01:29:38.000 Okoya Tamaguchi speech.

01:29:39.000 It's Sensing So Crazy.

01:29:41.000 It's a crazy, eh?

01:29:42.000 Because we're going to be kicked off YouTube tomorrow.

01:29:46.000 So I'm going to put that up tonight, and hopefully it gets stolen.

01:29:51.000 And that's going to be Sensing So Crazy.

01:29:54.000 That's true.

01:29:55.000 All right, I think we're done.

01:29:59.000 Oh, oh, oh, that's so disgusting.

01:30:03.000 Oh, I should cut it off there, right?

01:30:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:07.000 And you could show that for like Cardi B. Oh.

01:30:13.000 Cardi B's explosive diarrhea.

01:30:15.000 You didn't show your face once this entire episode.

01:30:17.000 Literally once.

01:30:18.000 Wait, did I not?

01:30:19.000 No, I previewed it, and then I was like...

01:30:24.000 Okay.

01:30:24.000 It's weird when you talk and people don't see you.

01:30:28.000 And why are you recording video shit when you're at work?

01:30:31.000 Trying to make one of our little drops.

01:30:35.000 I know, but you do that on your own time.

01:30:37.000 Not when we're live.

01:30:38.000 But how fun would it be to have the one that we just talked about right there on the show?

01:30:41.000 It's like, oh, it's quick.

01:30:44.000 And why is your camera including everything in the background?

01:30:49.000 1, 1,002, 1,003, 1,004.

01:30:51.000 Look how long it takes him to figure shit out.

01:30:56.000 Alright.

01:30:57.000 That's enough.

01:30:58.000 We'd like to end with a fun video.

01:30:59.000 Let's end with the most beautiful headbutt.

01:31:02.000 You know that song?

01:31:03.000 The most beautifulest thing in this world.

01:31:06.000 This is the most beautiful headbutt I've ever seen in my life.

01:31:13.000 2-8.

01:31:14.000 Oh.

01:31:15.000 What are you doing?

01:31:16.000 I clicked 31.

01:31:18.000 Well, we've already shown 31.

01:31:24.000 Sorry, folks.

01:31:25.000 This is taking.

01:31:26.000 Again, you just show, yeah.

01:31:28.000 Okay.

01:31:30.000 What's he beating her with?

01:31:31.000 Wait, go back to the beginning.

01:31:33.000 Is that a newspaper rolled up really tight?

01:31:36.000 Looks like it.

01:31:37.000 Or is it like a piece of wood or something?

01:31:40.000 I think it's got to be a newspaper.

01:31:41.000 Yeah, it's got give.

01:31:43.000 But you don't fall to the ground when you're hit with a newspaper, do you?

01:31:48.000 Oh, geez.

01:31:50.000 So he's smacking her in the head.

01:31:53.000 Not the first guy, but look at this.

01:31:55.000 Boom.

01:31:55.000 That was a headbutt.

01:31:56.000 Yeah, watch it again in slow motion.

01:31:59.000 Boom.

01:32:00.000 It's such a brilliant move, too, because you hit the guy, and now you're both in the air, and then you land on him.

01:32:05.000 Wow.

01:32:06.000 So he's got a concussion.

01:32:07.000 He maybe hit his head on the ground, but now you're still in control.

01:32:10.000 Boom, Bob.

01:32:12.000 That's the sweet spot, too.

01:32:15.000 Is that not a better solution than filming someone and calling security and filing some paperwork?

01:32:23.000 Get fired.

01:32:24.000 Get in trouble.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 09, 2019

S02E96 - POLYAMOROUS

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Summary

Transcript