Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S03E32 - JAMES BOND IS DEAD [2020-11-02 - S03E32 - JAMES BOND IS DEAD]

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGuinness.

00:00:30.000 She know I'm a bad boy.

00:00:33.000 Tryna make a lot of noise. 1.00

00:00:37.000 Riding with the big boys.

00:00:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:00:43.000 She know I'm a bad boy.

00:00:47.000 Tryna make a lot of noise. 1.00

00:00:50.000 Riding with the big boys.

00:00:54.000 I'm mushing first soldier.

00:01:03.000 Loza Alexander, fucking up the narrative. 0.82

00:01:06.000 African-American gentleman singing about being a proud boy.

00:01:11.000 I was looking at the comments on YouTube and they're like, well, this isn't helping the narrative.

00:01:15.000 It's a very hard video to find, by the way.

00:01:18.000 Why do you think that is, Trump?

00:01:19.000 I will build a great, great wall.

00:01:23.000 I'm starting to know these now.

00:01:25.000 There's like five, right?

00:01:27.000 I feel like there's more than that.

00:01:29.000 Well, you say there's five, so that's probably not true.

00:01:32.000 That's the way I judge things now.

00:01:34.000 But I was just watching this comedian, terrible comedian, doing a set in Seattle.

00:01:40.000 His name is What the hell is his name here?

00:01:46.000 Uh-oh, I lost it.

00:01:47.000 Jason McBride.

00:01:49.000 The title of the clip is I Just Flew In From a Trump Rally.

00:01:54.000 Well, the actual video on YouTube is desperate for my father's attention.

00:01:58.000 Anyway, in it, Ryan, who just stank up the whole studio with his shit, so I'm already annoyed by him.

00:02:05.000 So he goes, I just flew in from a Trump rally, and boy, are my arms tired.

00:02:08.000 And he's Zeke Heiles.

00:02:10.000 Ryan couldn't see it, but he could just hear it.

00:02:13.000 And he says, God, our internet sucks today.

00:02:18.000 And he says, he should have at least done a Zeke Heil or something. 0.93

00:02:22.000 And I go, he did.

00:02:24.000 And then I said, well, if he didn't, then it's just, I just flew in from a Trump rally, and boy, are my arms tired.

00:02:31.000 And Ryan goes, yeah, that's what I thought he said.

00:02:33.000 I'm like, that's a chicken cross the road.

00:02:35.000 You think there'd be no update to that joke besides it's a Trump rally?

00:02:39.000 And then he starts arguing.

00:02:40.000 Well, he had another joke that was about coal up the butt, and that he didn't have much of a twist on.

00:02:48.000 And I'm like, that's the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

00:02:50.000 Like, the fact that you think that his joke could have been just as simple as, I just flew in from a Trump rally and boy, are my arms tired with no Ezeke Island, just that, the joke.

00:02:59.000 It boggles the mind.

00:03:00.000 I hope.

00:03:01.000 My only hope is you're just being stubborn because you're an asshole and you don't really believe your argument.

00:03:09.000 I didn't see that.

00:03:10.000 I know you didn't see that, you boob. 0.99

00:03:13.000 So, well, that was the beginning of what I'm going to say to you.

00:03:17.000 I just explained that.

00:03:18.000 Right.

00:03:19.000 So you're just repeating what I just explained.

00:03:21.000 So I had heard him before this.

00:03:24.000 Yes.

00:03:25.000 And his comedy is very bad.

00:03:28.000 Ryan.

00:03:29.000 You're very dumb.

00:03:30.000 I don't put that.

00:03:31.000 Your words are bad if you think that he would say, I just flew in from a Trump rally.

00:03:36.000 And boy, are my arms tired.

00:03:37.000 And that's the joke.

00:03:38.000 In the 70s, that's when the joke, he's so tightly wound you could put a piece of coal up his ass and it'll turn into a diamond.

00:03:46.000 And what exactly did he say with that?

00:03:48.000 Show it.

00:03:48.000 The only thing he changed was Seattle rich.

00:03:52.000 That's how they're rich.

00:03:54.000 Yeah.

00:03:55.000 That's terrible.

00:03:56.000 But that's the change.

00:03:57.000 The change.

00:03:58.000 So he said, and I think there's even more than that.

00:04:01.000 But he said, people in Seattle are so tightly wound, their asses are tied and they make a diamond with coal, and that's why they're rich.

00:04:08.000 He was also banking on you not knowing that joke.

00:04:12.000 But everyone knows I just flew in and boy in my arms tired.

00:04:15.000 So one was stealing a joke.

00:04:17.000 The other was the chicken crossed the road.

00:04:19.000 Do you think he would ask why the chicken crossed the road and then say to get to the other side?

00:04:23.000 This guy stinks, yes.

00:04:24.000 No.

00:04:25.000 They say people in Seattle, you know, people in Seattle have a lot of money.

00:04:29.000 And that's because, you know, a person in Seattle could take a coal and shove it up your ass and in 24 hours have a diamond.

00:04:38.000 That's how they do it.

00:04:41.000 You expect more out of that guy?

00:04:43.000 I'm not saying...

00:04:44.000 That's different.

00:04:45.000 He's stealing a joke that he hopes you haven't heard of it.

00:04:47.000 Exactly.

00:04:48.000 Yeah, but that's not Boy Are My Arms Tired.

00:04:50.000 No, that's a...

00:04:51.000 Boy Are My Arms Tired is the chicken cross the road.

00:04:55.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:04:56.000 I just don't put it past him.

00:04:57.000 I'm not saying it's a quality joke.

00:04:59.000 We're not saying any of that.

00:05:02.000 I'm telling you, no one on the planet Earth would ever say, I just flew in from somewhere and boy are my arms tired.

00:05:09.000 All right, well, without any update.

00:05:10.000 On planet Earth, I just found out there's a guy who steals a cold diamond joke.

00:05:14.000 Yeah, I don't think I've heard that cold diamond joke before. 0.99

00:05:18.000 What?

00:05:21.000 You haven't heard that before?

00:05:22.000 No, I don't think so.

00:05:25.000 I don't believe you.

00:05:26.000 I don't lie ever.

00:05:27.000 I think you're lying.

00:05:28.000 I never lie.

00:05:30.000 Can we ask Trump at least to lie?

00:05:33.000 I never lie if he doesn't say that.

00:05:34.000 See, this is why you're stupid.

00:05:36.000 Because when you do something dumb, you can't go, oh yeah, fuck, that was dumb.

00:05:40.000 You keep defending it and trying to come up with this ridiculous, pathetic argument.

00:05:44.000 And that's why your brain never learns.

00:05:46.000 Like, you came to my house on Saturday and bored all my guests with how you're better than Jimi Hendrix as a guitarist for, I'd say, half an hour non-stop.

00:05:56.000 No, when you went in, I didn't start up the conversation.

00:06:00.000 No.

00:06:01.000 You weren't even there.

00:06:01.000 How would you know?

00:06:02.000 No, I'm talking about before that you would not fucking shut up.

00:06:06.000 Then why did he bring it up again?

00:06:08.000 I didn't bring it up again.

00:06:10.000 I don't give a shit if you brought it up again.

00:06:12.000 You talked for way too long about how you're better at guitar.

00:06:15.000 Can you imagine, folks at home, anything more embarrassing than someone coming to your home and telling your guests that you're better than Jimi Hendrix?

00:06:22.000 I've been talking about it for a long time.

00:06:24.000 And then another thing he brought that up when he's drunk, because he can't break down the enzymes, is he talks about how cute he was in school when he's a little kid and tells you funny little cute anecdotes about little baby Ryan that happened on Friday?

00:06:38.000 You said, yeah, it was like when I was in school, we were talking about AM FM, and I said, it's easy to remember: FM is later on the doll because it comes later in the alphabet.

00:06:47.000 That was under the subject of talking about embarrassing, stupid things and talking about retarded stupid things. 0.94

00:06:52.000 It's so embarrassing the thing you said when you were eight.

00:06:54.000 Oh my God, how embarrassing.

00:06:56.000 How adorable and embarrassing.

00:06:58.000 That was like bed talk with your girlfriend, but you're saying it to adults.

00:07:03.000 It's the same thing you were on.

00:07:05.000 You were on the same subject.

00:07:07.000 Oh, really?

00:07:07.000 What did I say about some retarded kid that you used to hang out with and you would say stupid?

00:07:14.000 It was on topic.

00:07:16.000 What?

00:07:16.000 There was a retarded kid in your group.

00:07:18.000 Right?

00:07:20.000 No, I was talking about how when we were young, we would have weirdos in the group.

00:07:24.000 And this was adults like Paul Cahius, the Greek tragedy.

00:07:27.000 A Greek adult who was talking about.

00:07:29.000 And then you talked about it.

00:07:30.000 When I was a little kid, I said FM is later on in the alphabet.

00:07:34.000 I'm better at guitar than Jimi Hendrix.

00:07:37.000 That's what happened.

00:07:37.000 And the guy in Led Zupplin.

00:07:39.000 I believe you called him Jim Page.

00:07:41.000 Jim Page, yeah.

00:07:42.000 I'm better than Jim Page.

00:07:44.000 Fun subjects with Ryan Patsy Rivera.

00:07:47.000 And we're not talking about songwriting.

00:07:48.000 That's subjective.

00:07:49.000 See, now he's getting back into it.

00:07:50.000 Now he wants to tell you how great he is.

00:07:52.000 Because everybody's going to be like, you think you're better than Jimmy Page?

00:07:54.000 If your only argument for you're not better than Jimmy Page is because it's Jimmy Page.

00:07:58.000 It's a gay subject, dude.

00:07:59.000 You brought it up.

00:08:00.000 Every subject you, I know, you just came at this dumb bullshit notion about, boy, are my arms tired.

00:08:06.000 And I'm telling you how you never get better because you're so stubborn that you just go, no, I'm right.

00:08:11.000 It was a good thing I did.

00:08:12.000 That's a good theory I had.

00:08:14.000 So that's how you not learn.

00:08:17.000 It's like a brick wall of shit.

00:08:20.000 You know, we were talking about the autistic kid.

00:08:22.000 Yes.

00:08:22.000 And saying stupid things.

00:08:24.000 And I was like, I said something stupid once.

00:08:26.000 Yeah, when you were a little kid.

00:08:28.000 You brought up when you were a kid, too.

00:08:30.000 What did I bring up when I was a kid?

00:08:31.000 Autistic kids.

00:08:33.000 When I was in a, was I an autistic kid?

00:08:35.000 I don't know.

00:08:36.000 Were you?

00:08:37.000 You were in a slow class, as I was as well.

00:08:40.000 That's, again, wildly off topic.

00:08:43.000 We were talking about it.

00:08:44.000 Anyway, you retarded. 0.99

00:08:45.000 That's the long and short of it.

00:08:46.000 So here's a fun book, Book of the Day, A Brief History of Vice.

00:08:50.000 I bought this because I thought someone was stealing my life story.

00:08:53.000 But it's from the guy, I think his name's Robert Evans.

00:08:56.000 What's his name again?

00:08:58.000 Yeah.

00:08:59.000 He was a cracked editor in the early aughts when cracked was kind of silly and actually a vice rip-off.

00:09:05.000 And it's really just a compendium of silly stories about like Aztecs doing fucking opioids and, you know, the Stonehenge guys high on mushrooms.

00:09:17.000 So it's another good, fun bathroom book that you don't have to finish from beginning to end.

00:09:21.000 My favorite part of this is when he went to Mexico, I've told you this story a hundred times, but he brought a little thing of whiskey.

00:09:30.000 And every time he had water or brushed his teeth or anything, he would just go, not to get drunk, but just to get whiskey in his mouth.

00:09:36.000 And everyone there had explosive diarrhea, and he was perfectly fine the whole time he was there.

00:09:41.000 Which is why, in olden times, we'd feed kids beer, and we didn't have clean water in New York until, I don't know.

00:09:49.000 Hey, computer, when did we get clean water in New York?

00:09:56.000 Is she unplugged?

00:09:57.000 Here's something I found on the web.

00:09:59.000 According to atwarfits.com, in the middle of that fountain, her wings spread wide, stood the angel of the waters erected in 1842 to celebrate the arrival of clean water to New York.

00:10:11.000 Oh.

00:10:12.000 When was that?

00:10:13.000 1842?

00:10:13.000 Yep.

00:10:14.000 Okay.

00:10:15.000 So before 1842, horse shit everywhere.

00:10:19.000 And you couldn't drink water because you'd get exposed to it.

00:10:22.000 So they'd have booze.

00:10:22.000 Now the kids drank beer, but it was very, very weak beer.

00:10:25.000 I don't know, like 2%.

00:10:26.000 But everyone was shit-faced.

00:10:28.000 And it was healthy for them.

00:10:29.000 So I remember one time we were in Manhattan, and my youngest boy, Johnny, he was probably four at the time.

00:10:34.000 He took the poll on the New York City subway.

00:10:36.000 I went, I went, my God, my God.

00:10:39.000 And I wished I had a flask.

00:10:41.000 Of course, he got deathly ill after that, with super sick, high fever for three days.

00:10:46.000 But he did something else later, and I did have whiskey on me.

00:10:52.000 And I go, you got it.

00:10:52.000 Let me rub some on your gums.

00:10:53.000 And he goes, no, no.

00:10:55.000 And I put some on my finger and I rubbed it on his gums.

00:10:57.000 And he went, ah, and he went to my wife and he said, dad burned me with his bourbon.

00:11:01.000 He burned my lips.

00:11:06.000 Anyway, we've got a jam-packed show today.

00:11:08.000 Tomorrow, Milo's going to be in studio in the green room, in the green screen room, sorry.

00:11:14.000 And we're going to go through.

00:11:15.000 I don't know when we'll start.

00:11:16.000 I think 8, right?

00:11:19.000 I mean, most TV shows are starting at 4.

00:11:21.000 I assume we're not going to know till 1.

00:11:23.000 I'm not going 4 to 1.

00:11:25.000 It would just be a shitty show at that point.

00:11:27.000 So we're going to start at 8, 8 E.T. Eastern Time.

00:11:31.000 We're going to call Cumia and Enrique Tario and try to get Crowder on the line.

00:11:38.000 We'll put together a list of people to check in on.

00:11:41.000 And we all know Trump's going to win.

00:11:43.000 We will be celebrating with you, Poppin' Champagne.

00:11:47.000 I hope it's not sticky after.

00:11:48.000 I don't want my desk to be sticky.

00:11:50.000 And we'll have a gay old time. 0.74

00:11:52.000 There's not going to be a President Donald Trump.

00:11:58.000 Check our doodles, by the way.

00:12:00.000 Those are getting forgotten.

00:12:02.000 Or maybe everyone who wants one has one?

00:12:04.000 I meant to put that in the notes.

00:12:08.000 I just flew in from the notes, and boy, are my arms tired.

00:12:14.000 Ooh, we're watching Brian on his quest to get a link.

00:12:17.000 What the fuck is with our internet?

00:12:19.000 That's a 56k modem.

00:12:23.000 Look at this.

00:12:25.000 Should we re- Well, we can't.

00:12:26.000 We've already started recording, but maybe we should restart the plugin.

00:12:30.000 There we go.

00:12:31.000 Okay, so where are we at?

00:12:35.000 So click on a thing.

00:12:39.000 Three days.

00:12:40.000 And what's that sucker up to?

00:12:43.000 120.

00:12:45.000 No, no, I was probably talking about that other one you were on before.

00:12:49.000 Yeah.

00:12:49.000 800.

00:12:50.000 800.

00:12:51.000 Now, I don't think people get how big it is.

00:12:54.000 Well, I can show you.

00:13:01.000 I'll be shipping this to you.

00:13:03.000 Not rolled up.

00:13:07.000 With this stiff wood there?

00:13:10.000 I mean, maybe I could roll it up.

00:13:12.000 Could I?

00:13:13.000 No, no, it's no stiff board.

00:13:15.000 So it's a very high-quality piece of art here.

00:13:18.000 This isn't like a shitty sketch.

00:13:23.000 I'll write something on the back in pencil.

00:13:25.000 Is that what you do?

00:13:26.000 People say, can you sign it too?

00:13:28.000 I'm like, really?

00:13:29.000 You want me to sign someone else's art?

00:13:30.000 I mean, I'll do whatever you want.

00:13:32.000 To make money for Zenoma.

00:13:35.000 I think his new one with me and Hunter is what got me banned from Instagram.

00:13:39.000 That's the only thing I could think that I posted.

00:13:42.000 He made one with Hunter Biden, Joe Biden, and me.

00:13:45.000 And he even took it down.

00:13:47.000 Show yourself or show the screen.

00:13:49.000 So he took it down.

00:13:50.000 Yeah.

00:13:51.000 So now showing Hunter Biden is grounds to get you executed.

00:13:56.000 Not even a picture.

00:13:57.000 It's a painting.

00:13:58.000 You can't draw Hunter Biden.

00:14:01.000 Wow.

00:14:03.000 I'm just amazed that everyone can swallow this shit whole.

00:14:08.000 Like the left, I'm impressed.

00:14:10.000 They're North Koreans. 1.00

00:14:12.000 My wife's best friend dumped her this weekend. 1.00

00:14:15.000 And it's like, the problem when your wife is really sad is men are logical.

00:14:20.000 So I'm like, well, that's bullshit.

00:14:21.000 Tell her to fuck off. 1.00

00:14:22.000 And then if she has an argument, I could explain why she's wrong, blah, blah, blah.

00:14:26.000 But I think the beef, oh, it is up.

00:14:28.000 It's in culture.

00:14:28.000 Oh.

00:14:30.000 I think the beef is that she lives with a Trump supporter.

00:14:34.000 She doesn't like Trump.

00:14:35.000 She's not political, really.

00:14:36.000 She's a lib.

00:14:39.000 But because she tolerates me, they can no longer be friends.

00:14:43.000 And I'm just like, what about the riots?

00:14:46.000 What about the riots?

00:14:48.000 What about the laptop?

00:14:50.000 What about Ukraine?

00:14:52.000 I really don't follow it, honestly.

00:14:54.000 I'm confused.

00:14:57.000 But yeah, she's got family members dumping her, her best friend, dumping her. 1.00

00:15:00.000 And yeah, what I meant to say with the thing about consoling her is I'm just like, can you call your female friends?

00:15:07.000 This is inefficient.

00:15:09.000 Talking to your husband for three hours, you could do to an old friend, like you've known about the same amount of time as the friend who dumped you.

00:15:18.000 You could do it in one hour.

00:15:20.000 So it takes three times as long for us to console you.

00:15:24.000 Happy to do it, of course.

00:15:26.000 But shit, they just got to talk to their female friends. 1.00

00:15:28.000 And you got to realize when someone dumps you for something as stupid as being married to a Trump supporter, you're just like, well, fuck you.

00:15:36.000 It's like finding out the person you have a crush on is a pedophile.

00:15:39.000 All right, well, I don't have a crutch on you anymore.

00:15:41.000 It's done.

00:15:42.000 Like when John Glazier texted me and said, I think we've come to that time in the friendship that you knew was coming.

00:15:48.000 This is in 2015, by the way, before Trump won.

00:15:51.000 And I go, pardon?

00:15:52.000 And he goes, Trump.

00:15:54.000 And then I was just like, bye.

00:15:56.000 Like, there's no tears shed.

00:15:59.000 If it was something that I believed passionately about and they were like a crusader against it, then that would be like, oh, man.

00:16:06.000 But even then, you go, I'm not changing my views.

00:16:08.000 Like my buddy Tony Buzcock, who said, I said, obviously, if you're coming over, you rescue pit bulls for a living.

00:16:15.000 Not for a living, but regularly.

00:16:16.000 He said, don't bring the pit bulls over. 0.99

00:16:18.000 Johnny is like pit bull height.

00:16:19.000 He's like, fuck you, you Scottish cunt. 1.00

00:16:23.000 And that was the end of our friendship.

00:16:24.000 But when that happened, I just sort of was like, bye.

00:16:27.000 What should you do?

00:16:28.000 Should I do a damn compromise and let you bring rescued pit bulls to my home where my five-year-old is at their same eye height? 0.99

00:16:38.000 Ain't nobody got time for this.

00:16:40.000 I got to kill my kids to be your friend?

00:16:41.000 No, thanks.

00:16:42.000 I mean, I kind of like that analogy too, because it says, it's that kind of thing when people have these incredible stakes.

00:16:49.000 Like with my wife, what is she supposed to do? 1.00

00:16:52.000 Divorce me?

00:16:53.000 I think her friend thinks that I'm this like tyrant, you know, the kind they depict in the media.

00:16:58.000 And I'm like, like say my daughter gets a scholarship to MIT to study engineering.

00:17:02.000 I'm like, hell no, you're going to be in the kitchen.

00:17:04.000 You may not.

00:17:05.000 Even if I was that psycho, my daughter would just say, okay, Dad, and go to MIT. 1.00

00:17:10.000 And my wife would obviously not stand in her way.

00:17:13.000 Like they're fucking brainwashed by the handmaid's tail. 0.58

00:17:17.000 And as my wife was talking to her friends, one of the chicks, yes, broads can have smart theories, came up with a theory that bowled me over. 1.00

00:17:28.000 You know, in cartoons where their feet are going out of the frame?

00:17:31.000 I just, when I heard it, I went, that's fucking brilliant.

00:17:36.000 Now, she's not a Trump supporter, but her dad's married to one or something.

00:17:41.000 And she goes, there's a certain kind of woman, a certain kind of chick, and Trump represents the guy in high school who rejected her.

00:17:50.000 And so it brings back all this visceral feeling of being an outcast.

00:17:54.000 And it works with men too, in the sense that we were going through a real strong beta epoch where Michael Sarah was really cool, even though he talks like an intrigued Mickey Mouse.

00:18:05.000 Oh, I never thought.

00:18:07.000 This is fun.

00:18:10.000 So you see it with males too, where they've been dethroned.

00:18:13.000 But with the women, it's much deeper. 0.99

00:18:15.000 That's why they're so irrational about it.

00:18:16.000 And you can present evidence that contradicts everything they're saying.

00:18:20.000 And they're just like, fuck him, he's stupid.

00:18:23.000 They have a meltdown.

00:18:25.000 And first, let's establish the truth that he is that kind of guy who in high school would start a club like Anthony Kumiya did called the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, right?

00:18:35.000 And we heard him on that recording going, I'm not going to work with a fucking penthouse model. 0.97

00:18:42.000 I only use Playboy models in my ads.

00:18:44.000 Fucking penthouse model? 1.00

00:18:46.000 So even within superstar tens, he's like, no, penthouse is below Playboy.

00:18:51.000 And I've also heard him say on Stern, a woman can't be a 10 if she has no tits or very small tits. 1.00

00:18:58.000 Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke, right?

00:19:02.000 Believe me, and I am always right.

00:19:06.000 So that's established.

00:19:08.000 And most of us go, and pretty girls obviously don't care because it didn't really affect their lives. 1.00

00:19:12.000 And that's why MAGA women are so much prettier than liberal women. 1.00

00:19:16.000 And that's why you had that stupid pussy march. 1.00

00:19:19.000 And you'll notice when someone really hates Trump, it's mostly women. 0.93

00:19:23.000 And what do these women have in common? 1.00

00:19:25.000 To call them fat and ugly is doi.

00:19:29.000 That's just petty.

00:19:30.000 They're unorthodox.

00:19:32.000 Like if a woman is really short, or she's like 6'6, or she has kind of angular jaw. 1.00

00:19:41.000 She grew up through high school.

00:19:42.000 Like, we've learned to appreciate them now.

00:19:43.000 Now we kind of like weird shit.

00:19:45.000 But in high school, you're just like, supermodel, please.

00:19:48.000 You don't get one, but that's your mode.

00:19:50.000 And there's all these sort of, well, let's call them non-conventional beauties being like looking in the mirror, feeling like shit, looking at magazines, feeling like shit.

00:19:58.000 They get over it when they're like 24, but in those formative years, it burns them alive.

00:20:06.000 And here's Trump bringing them back to high school and saying, yeah, you'll never be a 10, no matter what you do.

00:20:14.000 I won't love it, but I'll kiss.

00:20:18.000 Isn't that brilliant?

00:20:19.000 Yeah.

00:20:20.000 That sums it up.

00:20:22.000 And it's one of those penny drop theories where it just, all the cards start going, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop the dominoes fall.

00:20:29.000 Everything just falls into place when she said that.

00:20:32.000 Because I think of the woman, it's not just fat, ugly women. 1.00

00:20:35.000 Fat, ugly women hate everything except food. 1.00

00:20:38.000 This is like someone a little off, like with a weird eye, or her tits are too long, or her ass, she has no ass crack or something. 1.00

00:20:47.000 Stuff that made their high school hell.

00:20:49.000 He brings it all back.

00:20:50.000 And that's why they're so irrational, so mad.

00:20:52.000 And that's why they went so nuts with Grab the Pussy. 1.00

00:20:55.000 Because to you and I, we're like, yeah, they do.

00:20:58.000 If you're super famous, or even Larry Barnes was at the fight this weekend, which was an amazing fight.

00:21:05.000 Fucking perfect uppercut knockout.

00:21:08.000 And because he's in Mount Vernon, everyone recognizes him.

00:21:11.000 There's a billboard there.

00:21:12.000 So all these girls are flirting with him.

00:21:14.000 And I was like, you could have done anything to those girls.

00:21:16.000 They were calling me champ.

00:21:17.000 It was Halloween.

00:21:18.000 So they're dressed up sexy.

00:21:19.000 And he goes, they could have.

00:21:21.000 And then I don't think he knows the quote.

00:21:23.000 I'm not sure.

00:21:23.000 But I go, you could have grabbed them by the pussy.

00:21:25.000 And he's like, you're right.

00:21:27.000 It was crazy.

00:21:29.000 So that's all he was saying, right?

00:21:30.000 But they see that as, these fucking chicks, man, you can grab them by the pussy. 1.00

00:21:35.000 And they're like, no one ever said that about me in high school.

00:21:37.000 You know, cat calls are the worst thing in the world until the day they stop.

00:21:41.000 These girls never got cat calls. 1.00

00:21:43.000 Evie.

00:21:47.000 Speaking of our opening song, I'm now starting the show.

00:21:52.000 Loza Alexander, right?

00:21:54.000 So KEXP, I've been listening to it for years.

00:21:58.000 It's great for women like my wife. 1.00

00:22:01.000 She wakes up in the morning.

00:22:02.000 There's this guy, John in the Morning, John in the Morning.

00:22:05.000 He plays the Pixies and deep cuts like the Velvet Underground or the undertones.

00:22:12.000 And then you'll have modern hits, some indie band you never heard of before, or they're really into Courtney Barnett, that Australian girl.

00:22:20.000 Oh, pseudo Ephedrin, give me all your money and I'll make some origami, honey.

00:22:25.000 And it's alternative bands.

00:22:27.000 That's the station.

00:22:28.000 That's not racist.

00:22:30.000 Hip-hop stations play hip-hop.

00:22:32.000 What the fuck?

00:22:33.000 And they would play hip-hop occasionally, but the genre was alternative.

00:22:37.000 Now, and I've told you this before, John in the Mornings doesn't start till 10, which is not really the morning.

00:22:44.000 Even if you're unemployed, by 10, like, you're on your way.

00:22:47.000 You're doing your thing at that point.

00:22:49.000 He starts at 10 now, and I'm sure they had a meeting at KXPs in Seattle.

00:22:54.000 Our cities are burning because of racism, so we have to do something, you guys.

00:22:58.000 And then someone puts up their hand and they go, why don't we get this cunt with a slightly Hispanic last name, like Mark Rivera or something? 0.91

00:23:07.000 And he's white as can be. 0.63

00:23:09.000 He's a Spaniard, but he's the most ethnic guy we got.

00:23:12.000 And we'll just extend his, he would do the night shift when no one likes it.

00:23:16.000 And now he just does his hip-hop up until 10.

00:23:20.000 So my little boy is sitting by the Alexa eating his rice krispies.

00:23:26.000 And this song comes blaring behind his head at our darling KEXP.

00:23:43.000 Tell the world how you fuck with Mexicans. 1.00

00:23:45.000 What beat are you at say without Mexicans? 0.99

00:23:47.000 And at this time the team up shit let's begin.

00:23:50.000 KEXP used to be a fun way to wake up in the morning with John in the morning.

00:23:54.000 Now it's rappers yelling fuck Donald Trump again and again.

00:23:59.000 This is KEXP appeasing the mob.

00:24:02.000 And it's going great.

00:24:08.000 Fuck Donald Trump.

00:24:10.000 Isn't that pleasant?

00:24:11.000 Didn't that guy die, Nipsey Hussle?

00:24:14.000 Yeah.

00:24:15.000 He got murdered by fellow gangsters because he was showing off his money too much.

00:24:19.000 Trump curse.

00:24:22.000 It's real.

00:24:23.000 Isn't that fucking shitty?

00:24:26.000 And it never used to have curses before.

00:24:28.000 Say cowboys were getting slaughtered by police on a daily basis.

00:24:32.000 Not that black people are getting slaughtered by police on a daily basis.

00:24:35.000 But say cowboys were. 0.88

00:24:36.000 Would Hot 97 switch to country or have extend their country music from the night shift to the...

00:24:41.000 Actually, Hot 97 would never play country ever.

00:24:44.000 Besides that Old Town Road thing.

00:24:48.000 But can you imagine like a black station changing their whole persona to appease another group? 0.99

00:24:55.000 It's so fucking irritating.

00:24:57.000 And I always sort of used the missus as a gauge because she's a lefty and she's like, I'm going to write them a letter. 0.59

00:25:05.000 I never donated to anything before KEXP.

00:25:08.000 You can show it, Ryan.

00:25:10.000 You're not listening to the show.

00:25:11.000 You're the engineer for the show.

00:25:14.000 So KXP is dead to me.

00:25:16.000 Look, what is it now?

00:25:18.000 The MIDI show with Cheryl Waters?

00:25:20.000 Midday show.

00:25:21.000 MIDI show.

00:25:22.000 It's just 8-bit music.

00:25:25.000 That's like when I was at a restaurant with my dad, and you're most intimidated by your dad when you're about 21, because you start realizing that you were wrong and he was right.

00:25:33.000 And I don't know, my brain wasn't working.

00:25:34.000 And we're looking at the menu, and I go, I look at the top, I go, what's menu?

00:25:40.000 And he goes, menu.

00:25:41.000 And then I was like, I can't believe I thought I couldn't see the word menu.

00:25:48.000 Some radio guy got fired for an incredibly racist rant.

00:25:52.000 This is in sports.

00:25:54.000 What was the fight this weekend?

00:25:55.000 Why am I blanking on it?

00:25:58.000 Sometimes names just...

00:26:02.000 You're a 1-2, Ryan.

00:26:08.000 I'm going in chronological order this show, so if you don't hear a number, just err on the side of that.

00:26:13.000 So his name's Chad Dukes, which is a rough name.

00:26:19.000 His employer said a racist inappropriate comment.

00:26:21.000 So a racist comment is all blacks are inferior.

00:26:25.000 They're the shitty race. 1.00

00:26:26.000 They need to go back to Africa. 1.00

00:26:26.000 Don't take that out of context. 1.00

00:26:28.000 That's a horrible thing to say, right?

00:26:30.000 That one group is all the same and it's a negative trait.

00:26:34.000 That's what racism is.

00:26:37.000 This is what he said.

00:26:38.000 There are legitimate concerns that people have that have nothing to do with the fact that they're against people with bad skin tone.

00:26:45.000 There's personal accountability issues.

00:26:47.000 There's family structure issues.

00:26:48.000 There's the fact that communities with more violence and crime need to be policed more so they have higher interactions with police officers.

00:26:55.000 None of that can be spoken about.

00:26:56.000 Isn't that?

00:26:57.000 They always say that in the thing that gets them banned.

00:27:00.000 They'll say, you can't say this.

00:27:03.000 And then you discover that they're right.

00:27:06.000 It's this person killed this person and now we burned down the city.

00:27:10.000 And there's a lot of people that are smart enough to realize that there's a more nuanced conversation, but they're not allowed to talk about it.

00:27:15.000 He's literally not allowed to talk about it.

00:27:19.000 So what you're talking about is you're like, this is great.

00:27:21.000 We're having a conversation.

00:27:22.000 No, we're not.

00:27:23.000 We're continuing to allow one group to speak and silencing the other one and castigating them.

00:27:29.000 He says this shortly before he is silenced and castigated.

00:27:34.000 And that's what Anthony always talks about.

00:27:36.000 We need to have a conversation.

00:27:37.000 Bullfucking shit.

00:27:39.000 Conversation is a back and forth.

00:27:42.000 Your idea of conversation is Chelsea Handler chastising 50 Cent for not hating Trump enough.

00:27:49.000 Also in sports host news, I was in a bar looking up at the TV and I saw an alarming 10.

00:27:58.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:27:59.000 What's her name?

00:28:00.000 Michelle Margot.

00:28:02.000 These pictures are insulting.

00:28:04.000 You ready for this?

00:28:05.000 She's not photogenic.

00:28:07.000 She's videogenic.

00:28:09.000 Okay, this is the worst internet we've ever had.

00:28:11.000 Is this because of the building is using the election?

00:28:14.000 Don't cover her high heels with my stupid head. 1.00

00:28:20.000 Always wearing stilettos.

00:28:22.000 Bucking smoke show.

00:28:24.000 Michelle Margot.

00:28:25.000 Look her up.

00:28:27.000 No.

00:28:28.000 I hate when thumbnails aren't at the thing.

00:28:31.000 That's not even close to what...

00:28:32.000 Yeah.

00:28:32.000 Go back to the Google images.

00:28:35.000 Or sometimes, you know, when a bitch is famous, the best way to see her is in video. 1.00

00:28:40.000 Does this count as simping?

00:28:42.000 I don't know.

00:28:44.000 I mean...

00:28:45.000 It's hard to tell.

00:28:46.000 Because there's like marveling at a woman's beauty.

00:28:49.000 You should go to the engage one.

00:28:51.000 Okay.

00:28:51.000 Engage.

00:28:53.000 Don't engage.

00:28:56.000 I like video because you can see their face moving around when they talk and doing stuff like that.

00:28:59.000 You get to see it.

00:29:00.000 Once again, we've been gypped.

00:29:03.000 Oh, here we go.

00:29:03.000 Demo reel.

00:29:05.000 Oh, demo reel is going to be good because she's okay to every image.

00:29:09.000 Okay, move around face. 1.00

00:29:10.000 Do a little dance.

00:29:12.000 Because she's videogenic, not photogenic. 0.98

00:29:16.000 That's a compliment to a chick. 1.00

00:29:18.000 Look at that.

00:29:24.000 The Raids are looking for the sweep today, but it will come at the tough task of facing two-way player Shohei Otani.

00:29:30.000 Raised pitchers had to face him as a hitter, and now Raised hitters have to face him on the match.

00:29:34.000 Brad, you let off this offense with a hump.

00:29:36.000 You're watching out just foxy lady. 1.00

00:29:40.000 Now, I checked out her Instagram, and there's some low-cut dresses where she may have shitty tits. 1.00

00:29:45.000 And I think you come to a point with a woman like that where you go, we're good. 1.00

00:29:51.000 I can get through this.

00:29:53.000 It's sort of like I'm sure there's a guy where he's so awesome that even though he has a battery, a AA battery for a dick, you're like, when I'm hungry, I'll put it up my butt.

00:30:04.000 Hey, you're cool.

00:30:10.000 Oh, I don't know.

00:30:11.000 See, this is another, that shit I'm doing right now where simping out on that sports host and rating girls out of 10. 0.55

00:30:18.000 That's like what drives them nuts because they know they're fives. 0.76

00:30:23.000 Oh, she's a lefty. 1.00

00:30:24.000 Yeah.

00:30:26.000 See, show some more pictures, and you might see the shit.

00:30:29.000 Oh, that's a good one for videogenics.

00:30:31.000 She looks way skinnier than before.

00:30:33.000 With this massive amount of chest hair coming out of his pineapple shirt.

00:30:38.000 There's so much to focus on here.

00:30:39.000 I don't even know where to begin.

00:30:40.000 So I don't know what.

00:30:43.000 These women, when they're a sports host, are so good at self-promotion, eh? 1.00

00:30:48.000 So show me the grid of picks.

00:30:51.000 Go down, go down.

00:30:54.000 Oh, show me the one with the tickets.

00:30:58.000 And zoom in on the bazooms.

00:31:02.000 Gotta zoom on the bazoom.

00:31:03.000 Zoom on the bazooms.

00:31:05.000 She's taken, guys.

00:31:08.000 Can't you just sort of...

00:31:09.000 Yeah.

00:31:10.000 So those look like they may be, at least in the pancake family.

00:31:16.000 Hmm.

00:31:17.000 Or do you think they're like the attached for the most part and then the bottom lifts off and then it's a pointer?

00:31:23.000 Hmm.

00:31:24.000 Maybe, yeah, they're a little bit more seems to be protruding.

00:31:27.000 To the low, like a low nipple, like a cigar, like a cigar, a cigarette boat.

00:31:31.000 Cigarette boat.

00:31:32.000 Those are fine, yeah.

00:31:33.000 But let's let's because then that's easy.

00:31:36.000 But say they're just like semi-pancake-ish and like 50% of the meat has been removed in an unfortunate car accident.

00:31:43.000 Obviously, that's a nightmare, right?

00:31:46.000 But if everything else is a 10, I think you just sort of go, alrighty, I gotta learn to fuck you with your bra on. 1.00

00:31:54.000 You fuck me with your heels and your bra on. 1.00

00:31:57.000 But you'd get over it.

00:31:59.000 You're too zoomed in.

00:32:02.000 This is the place you come to for the news.

00:32:05.000 Also in the news, I was talking to a fireman today about a fire in Yonkers last night.

00:32:09.000 Yonkers is just north of the Bronx.

00:32:11.000 Dude, you know what this guy did?

00:32:12.000 And you never hear this in the news.

00:32:13.000 Journalism is dead.

00:32:15.000 See, the old days, you'd know a guy.

00:32:18.000 You'd be at City Hall, you'd go to Kelly's Irish Times in Washington, D.C., and you'd have a guy, and he'd have his bourbon, and he'd know that you're not going to rat him out.

00:32:28.000 So he'd be like, you know, The real story in here is that the Russia gets a nothing burger and the Dems know it, but they want to extend it.

00:32:35.000 He's like, oh.

00:32:36.000 And then he's like, anonymous sausage, say?

00:32:38.000 And you got a scoop.

00:32:39.000 Ryan, what are you doing?

00:32:40.000 Simping out on her fucking Instagram.

00:32:42.000 I'm looking for confirmed pancakes, but I could stop.

00:32:45.000 Yeah, we're off to a new topic now.

00:32:48.000 Whoa, what are those?

00:32:48.000 She smashed them together, so it's she smashed the subscribe, so it's really hard to tell.

00:32:53.000 But investigation over for now.

00:32:57.000 I think it's permanently over.

00:32:58.000 That's when you get into the simp zone.

00:33:02.000 Detroit Tigers, hey?

00:33:03.000 Hmm.

00:33:05.000 Like, simping is when you pine for her and you wish she could be your lady.

00:33:10.000 But just appreciating beauty is like, wish you nothing but the best.

00:33:13.000 Hope you get married and have kids.

00:33:15.000 I don't genuinely want her.

00:33:17.000 I'm just like, wow, what a beautiful orchid.

00:33:21.000 Yeah, so we don't have connections anymore.

00:33:25.000 And people just, most journalists just write, really, it's based on what they read somewhere else in the Amalgamate, especially female journalists.

00:33:32.000 And you're supposed to know people on the ground, you know, reporter, you get out there, you talk to people, you call the fireman, and you get the real story.

00:33:42.000 So this is what this fucking dude did.

00:33:45.000 I don't know what his beef was.

00:33:47.000 That's another level of reporting that I would do if I was an actual journalist.

00:33:51.000 But this guy's got beef with his wife. 1.00

00:33:53.000 He's ready to die.

00:33:53.000 So you know what he does?

00:33:54.000 He gets a rope.

00:33:57.000 I don't know why you just wouldn't go.

00:33:59.000 But anyway, he gets a rope, ties it to the doorknob of the front door, goes to the back door, ties it to that.

00:34:07.000 Now you can't open either door.

00:34:10.000 Covers himself in gasoline.

00:34:11.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:34:13.000 Runs, chases his wife around the house with the can, kicking down doors.

00:34:17.000 Eventually catches up with her, covers her in gasoline.

00:34:19.000 There's also gas everywhere, right?

00:34:21.000 Because they've been chasing and falling.

00:34:23.000 Lights it up.

00:34:25.000 The fire department takes that extra like 17 seconds to get in.

00:34:29.000 And he is Freddy and Debbie.

00:34:33.000 And she's just, she makes it out.

00:34:35.000 Wow.

00:34:36.000 But she's just like standing there.

00:34:38.000 No hair, no skin, no clothes.

00:34:41.000 She must be dead by now.

00:34:43.000 She was still alive, just standing there swaying.

00:34:45.000 And I go, they should give you guys a bonus for that.

00:34:48.000 Like, here's a coupon subway.

00:34:51.000 Because your life will never be a good one.

00:34:52.000 She's a drink. 1.00

00:34:53.000 For the, you know, the nightmares.

00:34:54.000 I assume three months of nightmares that are coming up.

00:34:57.000 Hold on tight.

00:34:58.000 You got three months of nightmares.

00:35:00.000 You spoke to that thing we had in biology class that just showed you where muscles are.

00:35:04.000 That's what was, and I go, that must give you nightmares.

00:35:06.000 And he goes, it has to look human for me to have nightmares.

00:35:09.000 Wow.

00:35:09.000 This was just like, oh, it's a zombie.

00:35:11.000 Oh, my God.

00:35:13.000 Like, it's a charred marshmallow.

00:35:15.000 It doesn't look good.

00:35:16.000 No nose, no ears, no hair.

00:35:18.000 Yeah.

00:35:18.000 I don't know how the fuck.

00:35:20.000 I guess it's the adrenaline.

00:35:21.000 Oh, I'm going to faint if I keep talking about that.

00:35:22.000 I'm feeling faint.

00:35:26.000 Every barbecue ruined for that guy.

00:35:29.000 Just the flashbacks.

00:35:32.000 It's intentionally set, claiming the life of one man and badly injuring.

00:35:41.000 The great nothingness.

00:35:44.000 Broke out right around 3.45 this morning here at 144 Waverly Avenue in Yonkers.

00:35:50.000 And as you look at the building behind me, you won't see much exterior damage.

00:35:53.000 There's a little bit as you look down the alleyway here.

00:35:57.000 This was, in fact, a fatal fire.

00:35:59.000 One man died, and a female, she remains in critical condition with burns to more than 80% of her body.

00:36:07.000 Now, when we arrived on the scene here late this morning, the firefighters were already gone, but the police were still here.

00:36:13.000 Why is that?

00:36:14.000 This is now a criminal investigation that's underway.

00:36:17.000 Police believe this fire was intentionally set, perhaps the result of a domestic dispute, even though there is no history of domestic troubles at this particular address.

00:36:28.000 Meantime, the building owner, we bumped into him.

00:36:31.000 He told us he's trying to evict the tenants from the first floor apartment when the fire broke out because of overpowered.

00:36:37.000 Too many people in the apartment, unstable conditions.

00:36:39.000 And police, in fact, told us this is like drugs.

00:36:42.000 Six adults and two children.

00:36:45.000 Six adults, two children.

00:36:46.000 Detectives will be conducting rapes.

00:36:48.000 It's just black crackheads. 1.00

00:36:50.000 People from the building trying to evaluate.

00:36:52.000 The news is not news anymore.

00:36:54.000 Remember those fucking van full of kids?

00:36:56.000 Yeah.

00:36:57.000 I never heard shit about that.

00:36:58.000 I don't know what the fuck that was.

00:36:59.000 Where's one detail?

00:37:01.000 That's the biggest thing in the universe.

00:37:02.000 And I know guys and cops and FBI and deep staters, military industry.

00:37:08.000 And they're like, well, every time I would be like, you know, your brothers in the FBI, find out what's going on with that thing.

00:37:13.000 He goes, yeah, you got back to me.

00:37:14.000 Apparently it was a van and they're talking about trafficking, like maybe sex trafficking.

00:37:19.000 I'm like, what, how, when, what ethnicity?

00:37:21.000 Where are they from?

00:37:22.000 They don't know yet.

00:37:23.000 Yeah, well, that's what I know.

00:37:26.000 Tell me more.

00:37:27.000 What happened with Vegas?

00:37:29.000 Someone got a room, shot, what, 540 people, killed 320, whatever it was?

00:37:35.000 We don't know what his motive was.

00:37:39.000 Guns.

00:37:41.000 Does any part of you think it's not black?

00:37:43.000 Because they don't really fuck with fire like that.

00:37:46.000 Yeah.

00:37:48.000 I don't know.

00:37:48.000 Yeah, I pictured a white guy.

00:37:50.000 Me too.

00:37:51.000 But then overcrowding made me think of drug users.

00:37:54.000 More Hispanic. 0.98

00:37:55.000 Like when whites are junkies, they're more solo. 1.00

00:38:00.000 You know, just sort of sitting just flopping around.

00:38:07.000 Whites are more social about their severe addictions. 0.92

00:38:12.000 Also, in other news, remember I told you about that guy at my boxing gym who I think is a Fed and he learned a lot of Quebec Was slang and stuff and we have way too much in common?

00:38:24.000 Another boxer posited a theory to me, which is the gym, the New York City Proud Boys are basically done.

00:38:33.000 They go and get dinner sometimes.

00:38:35.000 The stragglers left, but after throwing nine of them, arresting nine of them, throwing three in jail, they're just like, all the cops immediately vanished.

00:38:44.000 Sorry, we can't lose our pension.

00:38:46.000 And it was just like, it became illegal.

00:38:48.000 So that was the end.

00:38:51.000 There hasn't been a New York City Proud Boys meetup in, I don't know, six months, seven months.

00:38:56.000 That's not a thing.

00:38:58.000 But of course, Law enforcement, especially the top brass, is slow to move.

00:39:03.000 So they may still be assuming that I'm their secret gang leader recruiting them.

00:39:09.000 And the boxing gym is perfect.

00:39:11.000 So catch Gavin at his gym, going over to someone who's like really nailing it and going, How many rounds were you moving around there for?

00:39:22.000 Seven rounds.

00:39:23.000 Seven rounds.

00:39:24.000 Huh.

00:39:25.000 You got a lot of gas in the tank.

00:39:27.000 Yeah, well, I've got a fight in two weeks.

00:39:32.000 And he's a hell of a sparring partner, man.

00:39:33.000 He doesn't hold anything back.

00:39:35.000 But I appreciate it.

00:39:36.000 You know, I don't want him to take it easy on me.

00:39:38.000 Huh?

00:39:40.000 Yeah, I've been watching you.

00:39:41.000 You know, I'd like to buy you a beer after the gym.

00:39:45.000 We should go talk.

00:39:46.000 I got some plans.

00:39:47.000 And then I go and I suck him in.

00:39:49.000 I don't suck him off, you faggot. 1.00

00:39:51.000 I lure him in.

00:39:53.000 So then the whoever at the MYPD goes, catch him at his recruitment station.

00:40:01.000 I don't know.

00:40:01.000 It's a theory.

00:40:02.000 That's interesting.

00:40:04.000 A ridiculous, retarded theory. 1.00

00:40:06.000 And also, wouldn't you love that to be your job?

00:40:10.000 I need you to spend six months going to a boxing gym trying to befriend someone who's zero threat.

00:40:15.000 This isn't the mafia where if they find out, they're going to chop your hands off.

00:40:19.000 If I find out, I'm going to go, hey, that's it.

00:40:23.000 So you just get to work out.

00:40:25.000 And sometimes, you know, if he gets my schedule wrong, I might not see him for two weeks.

00:40:28.000 That's just two weeks of 80 grand a year pay trying to take down.

00:40:32.000 Because sometimes you hear about that with these feds investigating into organized crimes.

00:40:36.000 Like, I spent five years with the Mongols. 0.98

00:40:39.000 Oh, you got to hang out with bikers for five years?

00:40:41.000 That's fucking awesome.

00:40:42.000 What a job.

00:40:45.000 All right.

00:40:46.000 Also in the news, I was talking about that Super Predator shirt, and someone has made a shockingly high-quality version.

00:40:54.000 I love this John Selwyn.

00:40:56.000 But can we do, and I know beggars can't be choosers, but can we do his whole body with his feet? 0.61

00:41:03.000 Like, I kind of picture it like this.

00:41:06.000 The lettering is sort of almost Terminator-y.

00:41:10.000 Like, it's really cyber, cyber-ish space science fiction.

00:41:17.000 And then he's, like, covering some of the letters with his cape, like that.

00:41:22.000 Exactly as you did it.

00:41:23.000 The posture is perfect.

00:41:24.000 But, like, I don't know if you can see this because of the white. 0.71

00:41:27.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:41:27.000 So it's super predator, like across here.

00:41:30.000 And then he's sort of covering part of the DVA.

00:41:33.000 You can still read it.

00:41:34.000 And then it hits his full body.

00:41:36.000 Maybe instead of Superman boots, he has predator feet.

00:41:39.000 Oh, cool.

00:41:39.000 That's it.

00:41:40.000 Yep.

00:41:40.000 Throwing that out there.

00:41:42.000 Maybe there's some tears on the uniform that show more predator.

00:41:45.000 Maybe some slime.

00:41:46.000 I don't know.

00:41:47.000 Slime.

00:41:47.000 That's an incredible job.

00:41:49.000 Doesn't he ooze slime?

00:41:50.000 He's got some slime in his mouth.

00:41:52.000 I think when you shoot him, too, I think it's like.

00:41:56.000 Yes.

00:41:57.000 Oh, that is true.

00:42:00.000 So Halloween happened.

00:42:02.000 Total flop.

00:42:03.000 I spent $200 in candy, about $800 on an armed guard.

00:42:10.000 I spent about $100 on my candy chute.

00:42:16.000 I got a piece of PVC pipe that goes all the way down and then has a little elbow at the bottom so the candy shoots into your bag.

00:42:22.000 Fun stuff.

00:42:23.000 I was wearing the costume I wore on Thursday there with the eyes.

00:42:27.000 I just sat on my roof, not like the roof of my porch, just like dropping candy down to kids.

00:42:33.000 Ryan hid in the bushes.

00:42:35.000 You missed one, maybe the only group we could have scared because you don't want to scare two-year-olds and three-year-olds.

00:42:41.000 That's a lot of the...

00:42:42.000 But I got egged.

00:42:43.000 My house got egged the night before.

00:42:45.000 Mischief night.

00:42:46.000 I hadn't heard of mischief night.

00:42:48.000 We don't have that in Canada.

00:42:50.000 And I just moved to the Burbs a few years ago.

00:42:52.000 There wasn't no mischief going on.

00:42:54.000 That didn't mischief anyone else, too.

00:42:56.000 It was just me.

00:42:57.000 So I didn't have my guy there.

00:42:59.000 And I was there.

00:43:00.000 But you just hear, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

00:43:02.000 And you're like, what the fuck?

00:43:04.000 My son has firecrackers upstairs?

00:43:06.000 So then you have four seconds to catch them.

00:43:08.000 So then I run out and I don't see anyone.

00:43:11.000 They did it from across the street.

00:43:12.000 I finally see some eggs.

00:43:14.000 I don't know if they went this way or that way.

00:43:16.000 I run into this sort of alleyway by my house, run down there.

00:43:23.000 And then, of course, you just spend the next, that whole night tossing and turning, thinking if I'd only figured out it was eggs within my four-second window, all the things I would have done to that teenager.

00:43:35.000 How I would have beat his ass, tortured him, covered him in eggs.

00:43:39.000 You only need one.

00:43:40.000 You don't have to catch all four.

00:43:41.000 You know the other three pussies are going to run away and abandon him, right? 1.00

00:43:44.000 It's not like they're going to come back and go, this is the burbs.

00:43:47.000 Detective shitty, I have a theory.

00:43:52.000 Now, what if these are adults that are using the opportunity of Mischief Night to cloak their anti-gav feelings?

00:43:59.000 And they're like, we could just, they'll think it's kids because it's eggs.

00:44:03.000 That's fucking retarded. 1.00

00:44:05.000 My cameras, I could still make out their shapes.

00:44:08.000 I could tell by the way they run that they were 15.

00:44:10.000 I could hear their voices.

00:44:12.000 Adults don't egg people, Ryan.

00:44:14.000 They leave chicken on cars.

00:44:17.000 That was a crazy old Jewish lady who was mentally ill. 1.00

00:44:21.000 Fair.

00:44:23.000 Hey, four other adults, let's risk going to jail for vandalism to get revenge on this guy we don't like because he's a Trump supporter.

00:44:30.000 But it's very clear that my entire neighborhood, it's all Biden-Harris signs everywhere.

00:44:35.000 They all hate me.

00:44:36.000 But some might hate me for the Proud Boys.

00:44:40.000 Some are just like, that's the house of the Trump supporter.

00:44:43.000 Like on Halloween itself, I was out there with my security guy, and these girls are walking by, and when they get to my house, they're like 14.

00:44:53.000 They get to my house, they stop singing their song, and they yell at my house, Donald Trump is a white supremacist.

00:45:00.000 I don't think they realized I was outside talking to my guy, and they see me and they go, happy Halloween.

00:45:08.000 I just looked at them and went, that's what I did.

00:45:10.000 I just went.

00:45:11.000 Like, what am I going to do?

00:45:12.000 Argue with him?

00:45:13.000 In what way is a white supremacist?

00:45:15.000 Like, it's just become this bizarre trope that has nothing to do with logic.

00:45:21.000 It's just a sports thing.

00:45:22.000 New York Mets suck.

00:45:27.000 And the Donald Trump is a white supremacist just means, my team rules, your team sucks.

00:45:32.000 It's not based on anything.

00:45:34.000 Look at 1.6.

00:45:39.000 This is so gross.

00:45:40.000 It's like I didn't know you could cuck a whole family.

00:45:44.000 White supremacists.

00:45:50.000 Oh.

00:45:51.000 Okay.

00:45:53.000 Trump 2020.

00:45:56.000 This just got awkward real quick.

00:45:59.000 White power. 0.98

00:46:03.000 Do I chase after myself?

00:46:05.000 How does this work?

00:46:07.000 I just need someone to comment.

00:46:09.000 Let me know.

00:46:09.000 How does this work?

00:46:10.000 Do I run white power and then run?

00:46:13.000 Donald Trump is a white supremacist.

00:46:14.000 Vote if you vote for him again.

00:46:17.000 You're a white supremacist.

00:46:20.000 That white daughter training her parents to be cucks. 0.92

00:46:23.000 What is that song?

00:46:24.000 I like the bass on it.

00:46:26.000 And that black chick is a smoker. 1.00

00:46:28.000 Let's see.

00:46:28.000 Donald Trump.

00:46:31.000 You're going to get a lot of results.

00:46:33.000 Supremacist.

00:46:35.000 But I thought it was funny that the white girl is in front of my house yelling, Donald Trump is a white supremacist. 0.99

00:46:39.000 In my home, I had a COVID party.

00:46:41.000 And no, some of the parents came by after they were picking up their kids, dropping off their kids.

00:46:48.000 And my wife was playing psycho in the backyard and having a few drinks. 1.00

00:46:52.000 We were all very careful.

00:46:55.000 And I was thinking, like, this party has black kids, Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Jews.

00:47:02.000 No gays, I don't think. 1.00

00:47:04.000 Although who knows what the kids, what they're going to grow up as.

00:47:06.000 And everyone outside, including, I assume, the Eggers the night before, are all white, upper-middle-class people bitching at the most multicultural party in the history of the town.

00:47:17.000 Doesn't that just sum it up?

00:47:19.000 My Native American wife, my Native American kids, and the white people are out there going, because he likes Trump, he's a Nazi.

00:47:28.000 It was by David Diggs, and he's been on...

00:47:32.000 Oh, he looks really annoying.

00:47:34.000 There was a little taste last time, and I thought maybe tonight, since we have this microphone, since he's just having like, can you conceive of someone calling Barack Obama whatever, an anti-Semite?

00:47:48.000 And he's on Jimmy Fallon, and everyone's giggling.

00:47:52.000 Barack Obama is an anti-Semite.

00:47:54.000 He hangs out with Farrakhan and the Reverend Wright.

00:48:01.000 Not to make everything a matter of life and death.

00:48:03.000 I wouldn't say anything.

00:48:04.000 I don't like to waste my breath.

00:48:06.000 The pendulum swings slow, whether you're right or left.

00:48:08.000 But you got a right to vote.

00:48:10.000 Black thaw, go in and cry. 0.97

00:48:14.000 Double screaming, vote me in. 1.00

00:48:15.000 It's dystopian.

00:48:16.000 Jeff, vote me in the New York Times and a post again.

00:48:19.000 You'll find me at the polls the moment that it's opening.

00:48:22.000 I really didn't prepare remarks, but here's some choice words.

00:48:24.000 You got the power to change the world, make your voice heard.

00:48:27.000 Whatever will be, will be as long as it was meant to be.

00:48:29.000 Enough rap for life.

00:48:31.000 You know, it's the trick with these people.

00:48:33.000 And when I say these people, I mean like Chelsea Handler, the lefties who say, vote.

00:48:37.000 They know their audience is going to vote left.

00:48:40.000 They're not telling me or you to vote.

00:48:42.000 They're saying, hey, young people, hey, black people.

00:48:45.000 Hey, young Hispanics. 1.00

00:48:47.000 Hey, stupid babysitters. 1.00

00:48:49.000 Hey, county liberal housewives.

00:48:51.000 Get out there and vote.

00:48:53.000 There's not a lot of rednecks watching their show, watching Fallon. 0.89

00:48:59.000 Speaking of diversity mongering, what are you loading up there?

00:49:03.000 The Donald Trump song.

00:49:04.000 How is our internet slow on a day?

00:49:09.000 Office upstairs downloading 600 movies?

00:49:12.000 Oh, here we go.

00:49:13.000 So it's a meme.

00:49:14.000 It's a TikTok thing.

00:49:28.000 Oh, more moms. 1.00

00:49:29.000 Look how white everyone is.

00:49:30.000 My mom's a big Trump fan.

00:49:37.000 What the fuck is this girl? 0.99

00:49:39.000 And this dude.

00:49:50.000 And America's racist.

00:49:52.000 This is why Trump's going to win tomorrow night.

00:49:55.000 Because we're so annoyed by young Americans. 0.99

00:50:01.000 Oh, look at this.

00:50:04.000 Donald Trump is a white supremacist.

00:50:08.000 Donald Trump is a white supremacist.

00:50:10.000 Look at this shit.

00:50:13.000 What a fucking shitpile of garbage culture and just late mental obesity.

00:50:21.000 This is David Diggs.

00:50:22.000 He's in Hamilton.

00:50:23.000 Oh, my God.

00:50:29.000 Oh, stop.

00:50:31.000 I got to clean the palate.

00:50:33.000 Speaking of diversity, I know Halloween's over, but I can't resist covering this briefly.

00:50:40.000 1-7.

00:50:41.000 So Twitter has to share a moment.

00:50:43.000 And you know that the fat, ugly women at big tech are choosing the patterns, the, what do you call them, Twitter moments? 1.00

00:50:52.000 So let's show some crazy costumes. 1.00

00:50:54.000 Now, we are in a country of 330 million people.

00:50:59.000 So you can imagine, even with COVID and even with the uptight pussies, there's going to be some incredible costumes. 1.00

00:51:05.000 But I would wager if you put them all together, there'd be a disproportionate number of white males and maybe Asian males.

00:51:12.000 Not a lot of Muslims, not a lot of like mixed couples. 1.00

00:51:16.000 They probably wouldn't have the best costumes, like on average.

00:51:20.000 So they go, well, I'll just ignore the guy who has a perfect working robocop that he's in.

00:51:26.000 It's better than the one in the movie.

00:51:28.000 And just go for these.

00:51:29.000 So we have, what, a Canadian half-Asian chick who plays baby Yoda. 1.00

00:51:34.000 Oh, you put some green on your face, put on a wig and some ears.

00:51:38.000 Wow.

00:51:40.000 That's incredible.

00:51:41.000 Or look at this.

00:51:43.000 This is what?

00:51:44.000 Probably some activist. 0.99

00:51:45.000 So she's binary.

00:51:46.000 We got to get the bi.

00:51:47.000 We got to get gender in there. 1.00

00:51:52.000 That's so fucking lame.

00:51:57.000 Imagine being at a party with her.

00:52:00.000 Look at this one.

00:52:01.000 Scariest Halloween costume I could think of.

00:52:03.000 Steve Karnaki projecting an electoral college tie.

00:52:07.000 Such a lame costume.

00:52:09.000 That's the only white male they show, is the lamest one imaginable. 0.99

00:52:13.000 And then this guy's probably gay. 0.78

00:52:18.000 So shitty.

00:52:19.000 Keep going.

00:52:21.000 This woman, like, what is she?

00:52:22.000 I'm Tom Nook.

00:52:24.000 Who is Tom Nook?

00:52:27.000 You like kids' shows?

00:52:31.000 Is that a kids' show?

00:52:33.000 I don't know.

00:52:36.000 Yeah, it is.

00:52:37.000 It's an inf.

00:52:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:39.000 Wait, go back.

00:52:40.000 She looks nothing like him. 0.72

00:52:42.000 How is that a...

00:52:43.000 Oh, I guess she puts some makeup on her eyes to be a raccoon and a little black dot. 1.00

00:52:47.000 But it's so distracting with all the other shit.

00:52:52.000 See, that's just terrible.

00:52:54.000 I guess the shirt is the same, his Hawaiian shirt.

00:52:57.000 Tom Nook.

00:52:58.000 Eh.

00:53:01.000 Again, so she was chosen because of her ethnicity.

00:53:04.000 Still, this is Halloween.

00:53:06.000 Twitter has access to not 331 million, 7 billion.

00:53:10.000 Or however many people practice Halloween.

00:53:12.000 I'm sure they don't do it in the Congo.

00:53:14.000 But many, many million.

00:53:16.000 This is the cream of the crop.

00:53:18.000 Look at this.

00:53:18.000 Awesome one.

00:53:19.000 Wow.

00:53:21.000 Good work, chick. 0.96

00:53:25.000 That's mildly interesting for a normal Friday night out.

00:53:28.000 You go, oh, you spent some extra time doing weird shit with your makeup.

00:53:32.000 Okay.

00:53:32.000 What else?

00:53:33.000 This one is why I did this whole segment.

00:53:36.000 Godspeed.

00:53:37.000 I'm some anime character.

00:53:39.000 What?

00:53:39.000 How the fuck do you look anything like anything but a Smurf ghost?

00:53:46.000 That doesn't look like that.

00:53:48.000 Hey, Muslims, with burqas, you can't be in Halloween. 1.00

00:53:51.000 Unless you're a ghost.

00:53:54.000 Like, can I not...

00:53:55.000 Am I supposed to unsee the burqa and imagine there's crazy hair on top of it? 0.99

00:53:59.000 Or underneath it?

00:54:00.000 Or instead of it?

00:54:03.000 Cone heads, boring. 0.97

00:54:06.000 Of course, we have to have the gay in there. 1.00

00:54:13.000 There actually is more white people than I initially indicated.

00:54:15.000 That's a classic.

00:54:17.000 Yeah.

00:54:18.000 That makes me kind of horny.

00:54:20.000 See, that's a cool costume.

00:54:22.000 So that's one.

00:54:23.000 And it's not a costume.

00:54:24.000 She should have made her outfit like her body a card, too. 0.83

00:54:27.000 But okay, someone whipped cards in your face.

00:54:30.000 That's okay.

00:54:33.000 What the fuck is that?

00:54:34.000 Just a pretty girl? 0.99

00:54:38.000 At least he didn't overdose on the white males. 0.54

00:54:41.000 Keep going?

00:54:42.000 These costumes are so lame.

00:54:44.000 Look at this dumb bitch with her anime. 1.00

00:54:47.000 So sick of anime.

00:54:48.000 Keep going?

00:54:50.000 Oh, mixed race couple. 0.99

00:54:53.000 They make the cuts.

00:54:54.000 Ah, you put a mushroom hat on your head.

00:54:56.000 Great costume.

00:54:59.000 Coseplay, bullshit.

00:55:02.000 Like, where's the cool costumes?

00:55:04.000 One time my friends...

00:55:06.000 Oh, that's not bad.

00:55:07.000 A Zoom call.

00:55:08.000 Oh, it actually moves?

00:55:09.000 She's got an iPad up there on one of them.

00:55:11.000 Oh, I see.

00:55:12.000 That's pretty cool.

00:55:14.000 Okay, one, we were at like two.

00:55:17.000 They had to go to now this to find one.

00:55:19.000 Keep going.

00:55:22.000 Fuck off.

00:55:23.000 Yes, now.

00:55:24.000 Dressed up like a corgi.

00:55:26.000 Oh.

00:55:27.000 Oh, fuck off.

00:55:28.000 Anyway, so lame.

00:55:29.000 All right, let's get, we're going to play a game, Ryan.

00:55:31.000 A lot of dogs.

00:55:31.000 In Japan, they don't give a shit about diversity.

00:55:34.000 So when they choose their best costumes, they're good.

00:55:40.000 Now, wait a minute.

00:55:41.000 Before we get to that, I didn't finish my previous thought.

00:55:43.000 My friend Blake and Josh, they once dressed up as those girls who are connected at the neck.

00:55:49.000 You know, those two-headed twins. 0.96

00:55:51.000 Them dressed as Cheech and Chong for Halloween.

00:55:54.000 Dressed as them as them. 0.81

00:55:56.000 Yeah, Cheech and Chong.

00:55:56.000 That's pretty cool.

00:55:57.000 Or one time, the G-Dog, one of my best costumes ever was I dressed as a woman dressing as a man for Halloween. 0.70

00:56:05.000 So I had on like flats and fitting slacks and a blazer that was kind of contoured and had a cigar and a shitty mustache on top of my mustache and like my long hair in a fedora.

00:56:17.000 And then I had my non-existent tits strapped down and a really nice dress shirt that was obviously a woman's. 0.86

00:56:22.000 And I was like, hey guys, let's touch some tits. 1.00

00:56:24.000 Oh yeah, I love watching football and looking at women's buttholes. 1.00

00:56:28.000 Yeah, I'm a guy.

00:56:30.000 That's a good costume.

00:56:31.000 Those were all shit.

00:56:32.000 But anyway, in Japan, they do a thing.

00:56:35.000 This was in the shared folder.

00:56:36.000 Yeah, I got it.

00:56:37.000 So they do a thing called the mundane.

00:56:39.000 Real quick, look how many dogs, though.

00:56:41.000 Oh, it's so.

00:56:42.000 It never ends.

00:56:43.000 Maybe that's like the fur babies thing.

00:56:47.000 A lot.

00:56:48.000 Oh, yeah, I got it.

00:56:50.000 So what did they do?

00:56:51.000 So they dress up as innocuous things.

00:56:55.000 So I'm going to have you try to guess what those are.

00:56:59.000 And that is a person going to McDonald's.

00:57:06.000 The person that ate McDonald's.

00:57:08.000 No.

00:57:09.000 That is a person showing up during a busy time at a fast food joint and she can't find a place to sit.

00:57:18.000 No way.

00:57:19.000 I'll pay you $1 million if you guess this.

00:57:22.000 And zoom out.

00:57:22.000 People can't see the whole thing.

00:57:24.000 I'm not joking.

00:57:25.000 Okay, not a million dollars.

00:57:26.000 I will pay off your debt $12,000.

00:57:32.000 You haven't touched that debt, have you?

00:57:34.000 I touch it every now and then.

00:57:36.000 Something.

00:57:37.000 Like, when did you last put any money into it?

00:57:39.000 Oh, a couple weeks ago.

00:57:41.000 Oh, really?

00:57:42.000 Did you put a lying amount?

00:57:45.000 Liar?

00:57:46.000 No, like 200 bucks, something like that.

00:57:48.000 Just to keep it good.

00:57:50.000 I don't believe you.

00:57:50.000 I paid off my credit card, okay.

00:57:53.000 I have an active credit card.

00:57:55.000 Yeah, I believe that.

00:57:56.000 Anyway, I'll pay off $12,000 if you can guess what this costume is.

00:58:01.000 Okay.

00:58:02.000 Does it have anything to do with school?

00:58:04.000 We're not playing clues, and you're running out of time.

00:58:09.000 Okay, this is a girl looking through Instagram between classes at school.

00:58:15.000 You're underestimating the Japanese, which is ironic because you're Japanese. 1.00

00:58:19.000 So this is beyond the market.

00:58:20.000 Like your first guess for the woman with the tray was she's eating at McDonald's.

00:58:24.000 Jesus Christ.

00:58:26.000 Yeah, I just flew back from Japan, and boy, are my arms tired.

00:58:31.000 Let's see.

00:58:33.000 Yeah, that's the closest I can get.

00:58:34.000 All right, you know what that is?

00:58:37.000 When you haven't seen your neighbor ever, and this is your first time seeing her in over a year, because the building did a fire drill and everyone's outside waiting.

00:58:48.000 No.

00:58:49.000 Yes.

00:58:50.000 That's why I could so confidently throw around 12 grand.

00:58:53.000 Sure.

00:58:54.000 All right, let's do the next one.

00:58:57.000 Oh, this is a good one.

00:58:58.000 This one's pretty easy to guess.

00:59:01.000 You think so, huh?

00:59:03.000 All right, well, he's got his flashlight on.

00:59:05.000 This is a guy who didn't know he left his flashlight on.

00:59:07.000 Oh, thank God I didn't throw 12K at that.

00:59:10.000 That's it, huh?

00:59:11.000 Yeah.

00:59:11.000 I'm getting more jab and he's broke.

00:59:13.000 This one's pretty easy, too.

00:59:16.000 This is a guy taking a selfie, but what the selfie looks like.

00:59:21.000 Oh, this is a Google...

00:59:23.000 This is a result.

00:59:25.000 This is an Instagram post.

00:59:27.000 Yeah, forget that he's taking a picture.

00:59:29.000 He has to take a picture.

00:59:29.000 This is a screenshot.

00:59:30.000 Because it's a picture.

00:59:31.000 So ignore his right hand.

00:59:33.000 But this is when someone appears in Google Earth.

00:59:38.000 Which isn't really mundane.

00:59:40.000 That's cool.

00:59:41.000 It's pretty good.

00:59:41.000 It's like that Zoom woman.

00:59:42.000 Okay, let's do the next one.

00:59:44.000 This is just emojis.

00:59:46.000 I'm not sure that counts.

00:59:48.000 Yeah, that stinks.

00:59:51.000 Oh my God.

00:59:52.000 This is another 12Ker.

00:59:54.000 Okay, this is when she got popcorn for a movie, but she's going back to the counter because she dropped it all before the movie started.

01:00:04.000 It made me very uneasy.

01:00:05.000 What?

01:00:06.000 Oh, I got to lie down.

01:00:08.000 After I made that offer, I started seeing the fucking bucket and I thought, shit.

01:00:15.000 Thank God.

01:00:16.000 I'm not.

01:00:16.000 Gavin, take it easy with your money, dumbass.

01:00:19.000 I am Japanese.

01:00:20.000 I have enough money.

01:00:21.000 I'm good at gambling.

01:00:22.000 I was saying today at the gym I'm going to start betting on sports, but I changed my mind.

01:00:27.000 Because they were like, Tommy Baggs was like, why you want to throw away your fucking money, Gavin?

01:00:32.000 Here's what I didn't say, that this is not only a movie, but a movie theater at a mall.

01:00:36.000 Irrelevant.

01:00:37.000 No.

01:00:38.000 That was, I honestly think I might have to go to the bathroom.

01:00:41.000 That made you that nervous?

01:00:42.000 I think I gave myself, like...

01:00:44.000 I gave yourself.

01:00:45.000 To nerve shits.

01:00:46.000 Let's hope this is a fart.

01:00:48.000 Please be a fart.

01:00:50.000 I didn't hear it.

01:00:50.000 Yes, it was.

01:00:51.000 Okay.

01:00:51.000 But I can tell it's going to be a stinker.

01:00:54.000 That's a woman who goes to the movie theater. 1.00

01:00:57.000 Now, she can't be sitting in a movie theater chair, so she's standing because she's, you know.

01:01:01.000 And I guess they say what they are around their neck.

01:01:04.000 She is the woman who goes to the movie theater but eats all the popcorn before the movie begins. 0.99

01:01:08.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:09.000 By the way, I see.

01:01:10.000 And she drank her drink.

01:01:10.000 Her drink's empty, too.

01:01:12.000 I just read what it said, but I didn't finish the whole thing.

01:01:14.000 I see.

01:01:15.000 Next.

01:01:17.000 This one's stupid.

01:01:18.000 It's those counters where you're not allowed to see the other person, I guess, because of COVID or something.

01:01:23.000 That's what it looks like when you're on the inside.

01:01:26.000 And this one isn't very mundane.

01:01:28.000 It's a guy going to work on a windy day.

01:01:31.000 Pretty good.

01:01:35.000 Oh, this is a fucking good one.

01:01:37.000 See if you can guess this.

01:01:40.000 Is it a specific person?

01:01:42.000 No.

01:01:43.000 Okay.

01:01:43.000 None of these.

01:01:44.000 This is just a...

01:01:45.000 One of these is that they're random people.

01:01:47.000 All right.

01:01:48.000 This is like...

01:01:49.000 This is like an artist who's on the phone with a friend where he's getting a job or something.

01:01:57.000 No.

01:01:57.000 This is a guy at a thrift store, and you can't tell if he works there or if he's a customer.

01:02:03.000 So you don't know whether to ask him a question or not.

01:02:06.000 This one's weird.

01:02:07.000 It's caretaker who takes care of pandas.

01:02:09.000 That's not mundane.

01:02:11.000 That's a normal Halloween costume.

01:02:13.000 This is a woman whose Zoom fucked up. 1.00

01:02:16.000 Ah.

01:02:17.000 Very good.

01:02:18.000 Yeah.

01:02:19.000 Apparently, I don't know.

01:02:20.000 I don't do Zoom, but apparently you can screw it up where the background is your face by accident.

01:02:27.000 Oh, this one's brilliant.

01:02:28.000 See if we can get this one.

01:02:30.000 Yeah, this is a girl who has a really small charger and has to make a charge. 0.95

01:02:33.000 That's it.

01:02:33.000 Yeah.

01:02:34.000 That's all.

01:02:34.000 Uh-huh.

01:02:36.000 Yep.

01:02:36.000 She bought a charger in a rush and didn't realize how short it was.

01:02:41.000 Oh, this is a woman who's going to get her ID done. 1.00

01:02:46.000 That's it.

01:02:47.000 Oh, okay, because her top half looks great. 0.60

01:02:49.000 The bottom looks retarded. 0.97

01:02:50.000 Yeah.

01:02:51.000 Oh.

01:02:53.000 Oh, I got this one.

01:02:54.000 Yeah.

01:02:54.000 I almost forgot this one.

01:02:55.000 This is a girl who is hanging out in the living room, but her roommate came home, so she's moving all of her stuff to her room.

01:03:01.000 Why?

01:03:02.000 She hates her roommate? 0.63

01:03:03.000 No, no, no, but she was like really taking up all the space. 0.99

01:03:06.000 So she's like, oh, just to be nice in Japanese, I'm going to move to my room. 1.00

01:03:10.000 What?

01:03:11.000 She's taking up the whole living room with her tiny little things? 1.00

01:03:14.000 Yeah.

01:03:15.000 Anyway, that's a terrible guess.

01:03:16.000 This is a woman who's sitting down for lunch and hoping she could recharge her phone, but there's no seats that have plugs available. 1.00

01:03:24.000 Oh, I see.

01:03:25.000 Those are all taken.

01:03:28.000 All right, that's enough.

01:03:30.000 Wait.

01:03:30.000 Oh, okay.

01:03:31.000 There was a bunch more, but.

01:03:32.000 Oh, I did the wrong thing.

01:03:33.000 Why did you pull that up?

01:03:36.000 I swiped with two fingers instead of one.

01:03:37.000 Oh.

01:03:40.000 Oh.

01:03:41.000 This is a guy at like a Walmart who greets you at the door with a questionnaire.

01:03:46.000 What the fuck?

01:03:47.000 I forgot what this guy was.

01:03:51.000 Let's say this is your girlfriend's dad when you meet him for the first time.

01:03:55.000 Pretty good.

01:03:56.000 Wait, what do you got?

01:03:58.000 I had nothing.

01:03:59.000 Yeah, that's pretty typical, Ryan.

01:04:01.000 Oh, this is a great one.

01:04:02.000 See if you can guess this.

01:04:04.000 That's your friend's little brother, and you're talking to him, and so he takes his earphone off for a second.

01:04:09.000 No.

01:04:09.000 This is a guy on the subway eavesdropping on a conversation behind him.

01:04:15.000 This one's so fucking weird.

01:04:18.000 This is a gym instructor like your gym teacher, but it's at a formal, important school event.

01:04:24.000 So he put a suit on.

01:04:26.000 You've never seen him in a suit before.

01:04:31.000 Do you remember that when you'd see your teacher at the supermarket?

01:04:34.000 And you're like, oh, you eat food?

01:04:35.000 Yeah.

01:04:36.000 I thought you slept under your desk.

01:04:38.000 You're a person?

01:04:41.000 This is a mannequin at a store that some kids had, stupid kids have been messing with because they're badly behaved.

01:04:50.000 Oh, this is good.

01:04:51.000 I think there's a couple of these.

01:04:53.000 Keep going?

01:04:55.000 Yeah, keep going.

01:04:57.000 Is that it?

01:04:58.000 This is a woman who, when she buys something at the store, says, no, I don't need a bag, thanks. 0.99

01:05:02.000 But then she goes to put it in her bag and it doesn't fit.

01:05:05.000 And then she has to ask for a bag.

01:05:07.000 Then she has to carry it.

01:05:08.000 She should have asked for a bag. 0.65

01:05:11.000 Oh, my.

01:05:12.000 See, that's what happens when you have meritocracy and you don't go by some bullshit agenda.

01:05:17.000 This is why tomorrow night is so fucking important.

01:05:20.000 Because Joe Biden is the way of equal outcomes and Donald Trump is the way of equal opportunity.

01:05:28.000 We cannot enforce equal outcomes.

01:05:30.000 That's ridiculous.

01:05:31.000 I don't belong in the NBA.

01:05:33.000 I'm not good enough.

01:05:35.000 I do belong.

01:05:36.000 I do deserve the opportunity to try out or to play basketball or for that to be my goal.

01:05:41.000 That's what we need to have.

01:05:43.000 And I shouldn't be impeded on that goal anyway, anywhere along the way, especially by my sex, my gender, blah, blah, blah.

01:05:49.000 That's what we need.

01:05:50.000 That's called meritocracy.

01:05:52.000 That's what I'm a Western chauvinist about.

01:05:54.000 That's what the Western world is built on.

01:05:56.000 Come here, work hard.

01:05:57.000 I don't care who you are, but you got to have independence.

01:06:00.000 You got to understand this culture and be a fan of it.

01:06:03.000 You got to have grit.

01:06:04.000 You got to have mobility, willing to move somewhere.

01:06:07.000 It's a very unique concept, the West.

01:06:10.000 And we've built it over years from the Magna Carta through trial and error.

01:06:13.000 We left England for being too oppressive.

01:06:15.000 They followed us here.

01:06:16.000 We kicked them out.

01:06:17.000 We finally made a country.

01:06:18.000 We finally made a culture.

01:06:19.000 We didn't start slavery.

01:06:20.000 We ended it.

01:06:22.000 And now you want to go back to this Soviet shit where everyone ends up with the same amount of money? 0.73

01:06:27.000 No.

01:06:29.000 Just briefly before we get to the male B, Sean Connery died.

01:06:36.000 Beef Squad has a good thing about his opinions on beating women, but here's a nice montage of him slapping women around.

01:06:41.000 Get in the car, bitch. 1.00

01:06:43.000 What's going on?

01:06:54.000 He throws her out the window for being a dance.

01:06:58.000 Oh.

01:06:59.000 Jems, you're hurting me.

01:07:01.000 I'll do worse than that if you don't tell me.

01:07:03.000 You're doing this under orders, I know.

01:07:05.000 Morale.

01:07:07.000 I don't know what you mean.

01:07:08.000 Slap her. 1.00

01:07:09.000 Liar.

01:07:11.000 Looks like a closed fist.

01:07:12.000 Slaps are funny.

01:07:14.000 Uh-oh.

01:07:15.000 Someone's trying to stab me.

01:07:16.000 I know.

01:07:16.000 I'll get rid of this one.

01:07:19.000 Felix.

01:07:20.000 Felix, how are you?

01:07:21.000 Oh, I have an important discussion to happen.

01:07:23.000 Get this.

01:07:24.000 No, I'm Sean Connery.

01:07:25.000 Felix, say goodbye to Dinky.

01:07:29.000 Her name is Dinky.

01:07:31.000 Dink.

01:07:33.000 So you made out with a dink? 1.00

01:07:35.000 Let's stop playing games.

01:07:36.000 You licked a dink. 1.00

01:07:44.000 Whack, that gets you slapped in James Bond movies.

01:07:47.000 Say, his name's Eddie.

01:07:51.000 Oh, I ruined that.

01:07:53.000 He goes, I have to tell you to get something off your chest.

01:07:56.000 Now, who was he?

01:07:58.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:07:59.000 Say that.

01:08:01.000 There's something I'd like you to get off your chest.

01:08:08.000 Pause.

01:08:08.000 That's hot.

01:08:09.000 I was going to say that.

01:08:10.000 Yeah.

01:08:11.000 If I was a chick, that would get me wet. 1.00

01:08:13.000 I have to do that.

01:08:14.000 That would make my pussy wet. 1.00

01:08:18.000 I think I get what you're saying.

01:08:22.000 I think if I was a woman, I would like the rough stuff.

01:08:25.000 Yeah, no kidding.

01:08:26.000 Because you're a guy and you can take it.

01:08:27.000 Yeah.

01:08:28.000 Well, I don't like rough stuff as a dude.

01:08:30.000 Yeah, good point.

01:08:30.000 If I was with a chick and she slapped me, I'd go, what the fuck are you doing?

01:08:34.000 Yeah.

01:08:36.000 Speak up, darling.

01:08:37.000 I can't hear you.

01:08:38.000 Who's your connection?

01:08:39.000 Slapping.

01:08:40.000 You sound like a cop to me.

01:08:42.000 I'm God.

01:08:43.000 Didn't even let her speak.

01:08:46.000 Who's your connection?

01:08:47.000 You sound like a cop, Commita.

01:08:49.000 Who's your connection?

01:08:53.000 Drown him.

01:08:54.000 Still haven't found out.

01:08:57.000 I don't know.

01:08:58.000 Slap him.

01:08:59.000 Slap her, slap her, slap him. 1.00

01:09:03.000 So anyway, Beef Squad talks about this.

01:09:07.000 But he said, you know, sometimes you do have to slap a woman. 0.97

01:09:12.000 It's true, but it's very, very rare.

01:09:15.000 It's when she's totally delirious.

01:09:18.000 And you've tried everything and you shake the shit at her.

01:09:20.000 I think you can go psh.

01:09:21.000 Or she's punched you 12 times.

01:09:23.000 You're allowed to hit her once.

01:09:23.000 One for every 12, I've always said.

01:09:25.000 Which feminists say is bullshit. 1.00

01:09:27.000 It should be one for one.

01:09:28.000 You'd be dead.

01:09:29.000 And conservatives say it's bullshit.

01:09:31.000 It should be zero, like 10,000 and zero.

01:09:34.000 No.

01:09:34.000 Punch me 12 times.

01:09:36.000 I'm going to punch you, slap you, do something.

01:09:38.000 Just show it briefly.

01:09:40.000 If they're using a knife or something, that's a closed fist.

01:09:43.000 That's just my personal rule.

01:09:46.000 And have everyone seen this by now, though, right?

01:09:48.000 Let me just show it for a second.

01:09:50.000 This is how I know if something's overplayed, if Ryan has seen it.

01:09:52.000 Have you seen this going around?

01:09:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:09:54.000 Oh, you have?

01:09:54.000 I watch it monthly.

01:09:55.000 Okay, so let's just show it for one second.

01:09:58.000 I know Sean Connery regrets this conversation.

01:10:01.000 Okay, you did an interview in which you said, it's not the worst thing to slap a woman now and then, as I remember, you said you don't do it with a clenched fist, it's better to do it with an open hand.

01:10:10.000 Pause.

01:10:11.000 Remember that?

01:10:11.000 Notice the condescending tone.

01:10:13.000 This is when women started to be cunts in the 80s. 1.00

01:10:17.000 And this, ironically, no, not ironically, this not coincidentally is when men's clubs started to die.

01:10:23.000 When women became bitches and started bossing us around. 1.00

01:10:27.000 Now, the pussies who complied, that's the real issue here. 1.00

01:10:30.000 But go back just a pube.

01:10:33.000 Look at her kids. 0.53

01:10:35.000 It's not the worst thing to slap a woman now and then, as I remember, you said you don't do it with a clenched fist, it's better to do it with an open hand. 0.91

01:10:41.000 Watch this.

01:10:42.000 Yeah.

01:10:42.000 Remember that?

01:10:43.000 Yeah.

01:10:44.000 Yeah, that, that, that.

01:10:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:10:45.000 Remember that?

01:10:46.000 Yeah.

01:10:46.000 You know what it is?

01:10:47.000 Yeah.

01:10:48.000 Remember that Tyler Perry movie where he's in a wheelchair and there's nothing he could do?

01:10:52.000 She's like, you remember that time when you did that?

01:10:54.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 It's sort of like when cops, and I love cops, but this does bother me when you all pull me over on my motorcycle and say, mind telling me why you're weaving in and out of cars?

01:11:06.000 Because why else would I have a motorcycle?

01:11:08.000 I shouldn't have to wait in traffic.

01:11:11.000 I'm cheating.

01:11:12.000 I'm breaking the rules.

01:11:13.000 There's no explanation here.

01:11:15.000 You know it.

01:11:16.000 Yeah.

01:11:16.000 Okay, so yeah, I admit it.

01:11:18.000 Yeah, okay.

01:11:18.000 So you know you're going to get a ticket for that.

01:11:20.000 Yeah, just write it up.

01:11:21.000 Fuck.

01:11:23.000 I didn't love that.

01:11:23.000 I haven't changed my opinion.

01:11:25.000 You haven't?

01:11:26.000 No, not at all.

01:11:27.000 You think it's good to slap a woman? 1.00

01:11:28.000 No, I don't think it's good.

01:11:29.000 That'd be funny if he slapped her. 0.90

01:11:31.000 Have you seen the edit?

01:11:32.000 I don't know.

01:11:32.000 Let's see.

01:11:35.000 Oh, dude, if you've seen.

01:11:38.000 Oh, if he'd slapped her, that would have been the funniest thing.

01:11:40.000 You know what happened to him?

01:11:41.000 He lost his mind.

01:11:42.000 He got dementia.

01:11:44.000 I'm headed there.

01:11:45.000 All Scots do it because they drink so much. 1.00

01:11:46.000 Their brain falls apart.

01:11:49.000 It's the ultimate end to all Scotsmen if they don't starve themselves to death by drinking empty calories and forgetting to eat.

01:11:57.000 But he, as he started to lose his mind, it was a long time ago he started to go nuts.

01:12:01.000 And they said, would you like to be Morpheus or Gandalf?

01:12:04.000 He said no to both.

01:12:06.000 He could have been Gandalf in Lord of the Rings.

01:12:07.000 He could have been Morpheus in Matrix.

01:12:09.000 He said no.

01:12:09.000 Would have been great.

01:12:10.000 And then he said, shit, I'm saying no to too much stuff.

01:12:12.000 And then they're becoming huge hits.

01:12:14.000 So I'll say yes to League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

01:12:18.000 Yeah.

01:12:19.000 Which was even Ryan Ketsu Rivera doesn't like that piece of shit movie.

01:12:23.000 I liked it very well.

01:12:25.000 Total flop.

01:12:27.000 And then he said no to Crystal Skull because he said, I'm actually retired now.

01:12:31.000 I'm done.

01:12:32.000 I can't seem to choose them.

01:12:34.000 And look at 2-1.

01:12:35.000 You don't want to finish this?

01:12:37.000 What?

01:12:37.000 No.

01:12:38.000 Just the end part.

01:12:39.000 Okay.

01:12:41.000 With a last one.

01:12:42.000 They want to say it again and get into a really provocative situation.

01:12:49.000 Then I think it's absolutely right.

01:12:55.000 What would...

01:12:58.000 Oh, they did do that.

01:13:01.000 So I've never seen the end.

01:13:04.000 This was him at the end, though.

01:13:05.000 He hated James Bond because he hated when people say James Bond because he thought he was above it.

01:13:08.000 He thought he was like a great theater actor.

01:13:10.000 No, not that one.

01:13:12.000 But he also admitted that without James Bond, he wouldn't have a career.

01:13:16.000 Like a battle with dementia.

01:13:18.000 It was no life for him.

01:13:20.000 So I've always said, if I don't know who my kids are, my dad says, if I can't wipe my own ass, if I can't wipe my own ass.

01:13:29.000 I was thinking, I got to get him on the show more.

01:13:31.000 Yeah.

01:13:32.000 I got a call from them last night.

01:13:34.000 They were not happy about the caricature.

01:13:37.000 Oh, the drawing?

01:13:38.000 Yeah.

01:13:39.000 Whoops, a delivery.

01:13:40.000 He says, we do not wear cardigans.

01:13:43.000 And he makes me look disgusting.

01:13:48.000 Extra long show, folks.

01:13:50.000 Maybe we should save some of this for tomorrow night, for the election.

01:13:53.000 Yeah, I'm going to save the rest because we've got a lot of Biden-isms, a lot of Trumpisms, and we're going to be probably 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 1.

01:14:02.000 I bet we're going to be five hours.

01:14:04.000 So let's go over to the mail B. Okay,

01:14:21.000 Lotus seems late.

01:14:24.000 Is she done?

01:14:26.000 No, she's not done.

01:14:27.000 I know she got a second episode.

01:14:28.000 No, I don't know why I said is she done.

01:14:31.000 Oh, I meant.

01:14:33.000 Yeah, she's got to get going.

01:14:34.000 Wait a minute.

01:14:35.000 I have no new mail.

01:14:37.000 Since the 28th?

01:14:38.000 Am I doing this right now?

01:14:39.000 I got one from 3.03.

01:14:41.000 You're in your archive?

01:14:43.000 Yeah.

01:14:48.000 What the fuck is going on?

01:14:51.000 I stopped getting them at 10.28.

01:14:53.000 What the hell?

01:14:54.000 What the fuck?

01:14:56.000 What is going on?

01:14:59.000 Oh, and it's got a little thingy next to it.

01:15:02.000 Oh, there we go.

01:15:03.000 It had a little cuckoo coo, and then I clicked on that to say, don't cuck cuckoo.

01:15:08.000 And now it's back.

01:15:11.000 Greetings, Gavin and Lord of the Fag Zone. 0.99

01:15:13.000 Jake Hanrahan in this interview mentions working with Weiss from near the beginning and how it went to complete shit when you and others got pushed out.

01:15:20.000 Do you know this guy?

01:15:21.000 He's doing war journalism and seems interesting.

01:15:24.000 Well, if he likes me, then he's a cool dude.

01:15:28.000 And he was like, right, it was like this eight-hour drive to the front line and we like stopped at this petrol station and he gets like stationed.

01:15:35.000 I don't know if you know what that is, a modium?

01:15:38.000 What do you mean?

01:15:39.000 Stops diarrhea, right?

01:15:40.000 2645, Ryguy.

01:15:42.000 Do your fucking job.

01:15:43.000 What were you just doing right there?

01:15:45.000 We're going to be there for like three days.

01:15:46.000 What were you just doing?

01:15:48.000 I thought it was time coding, but what were you just doing?

01:15:51.000 Resizing your frame.

01:15:53.000 Very cool, you know, and very new.

01:15:55.000 And kind of adversarial still.

01:15:57.000 And then, you know, I had the best time there, worked with the best people, learned a lot.

01:16:02.000 I mean, I remember I started when I was like 24 and I was on the front line within like six months.

01:16:08.000 You know, like you would never get that kind of experience or like trust put in you anywhere else.

01:16:13.000 So it was a great experience.

01:16:14.000 And then, you know, the HBO money came in and basically every team member that made Vice News what it was got like pushed out when the HBO money came in.

01:16:25.000 And then people were coming in like, yeah, well, you know, you need to listen to us.

01:16:29.000 And then we were like, hang on, you wouldn't even have this job if it wasn't for the work we all put in, being paid peanuts, I might add.

01:16:36.000 And, you know, but we didn't care because we loved it.

01:16:38.000 And then I guess when all that happened, I just, I was like, this ain't for me no more.

01:16:42.000 I left.

01:16:42.000 Yeah.

01:16:43.000 That's a shitty letter, you stupid fucking loser, James.

01:16:47.000 I left in 08.

01:16:48.000 Vice News was, well, it was started, but the actual title he's talking about is like 2013.

01:16:54.000 So he never mentioned my name.

01:16:56.000 Thanks for that amazing story, though.

01:17:01.000 Please tell Devin to do a segment on this story.

01:17:04.000 Oh, okay.

01:17:06.000 Hey, Devin.

01:17:07.000 Hey, Kangaroo Jack, do you watch this?

01:17:10.000 12-year-old Fort Worth rapper allegedly shot a one-year-old and committed arson.

01:17:15.000 Yeah, that is a good AIU.

01:17:19.000 All right.

01:17:19.000 Moving along.

01:17:22.000 The trap thing just popped up in that observer thing.

01:17:26.000 And what does it say?

01:17:27.000 Trapped invites Proud Boys to attend Dallas Show.

01:17:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:30.000 That's in our notes for tomorrow.

01:17:32.000 Can you tell Trump to come to Oregon for me?

01:17:34.000 Save our state.

01:17:35.000 So excited.

01:17:35.000 He mentioned it as his rally and Tifa and mask mandate.

01:17:38.000 We have no rights, and Cape Brown is a stupid, evil cunt. 0.79

01:17:41.000 He said witch, but that's gay name. 1.00

01:17:43.000 I'm embarrassed to live here in this nightmare.

01:17:46.000 I talked to a guy from Portland last night who's apolitical, completely apolitical.

01:17:50.000 And he goes, I just hate that my town that has always been known for the beautiful mountains and the scenery and the trees is now known as the shithead Antifa Burning Cars place.

01:18:01.000 And that's what it'll always be.

01:18:05.000 He watches the riots outside his window.

01:18:07.000 He's in a high-rise.

01:18:12.000 this woman is fantastic and funny as hell. 1.00

01:18:15.000 This has to make it to the show.

01:18:17.000 Other cuts in full.

01:18:19.000 I bet this is gonna suck.

01:18:20.000 I can just smell it.

01:18:22.000 I look crazy, but I'm out here.

01:18:24.000 Come out.

01:18:25.000 When God would implant in his love, he would implant in you that way.

01:18:29.000 Yeah.

01:18:30.000 Period.

01:18:31.000 I'm out here for every aborted baby. 1.00

01:18:34.000 I'm out here for my aborted babies. 0.88

01:18:36.000 I'm out here.

01:18:37.000 I look crazy and I do not care.

01:18:39.000 Disgusting.

01:18:41.000 Disgusting.

01:18:43.000 Black unborn lives.

01:18:45.000 All unborn lives matter.

01:18:47.000 If you want to kill something, kill your damn self.

01:18:49.000 Don't kill an innocent child.

01:18:51.000 It's your mistake, not the baby's mistake.

01:18:54.000 Before I leave, I want to make it clear.

01:18:57.000 Don't expect somebody to care about your body when they don't care about theirs.

01:19:00.000 Okay, very nice.

01:19:01.000 I'm glad you feel that way.

01:19:02.000 Bye-bye.

01:19:06.000 Oh, here's a retarded one. 1.00

01:19:08.000 This just came in.

01:19:09.000 Go back to the top.

01:19:11.000 This is probably a retarded question. 0.99

01:19:13.000 Now, we get a lot of retarded mail. 1.00

01:19:15.000 So when they even know they're retarded, it's going to be unbelievable. 1.00

01:19:18.000 Are you ready for this?

01:19:19.000 Yes.

01:19:20.000 But are you aware that Vincent Gallo is in your opening montage?

01:19:25.000 Who, where?

01:19:26.000 You don't say.

01:19:29.000 Wait, you didn't know that?

01:19:31.000 I didn't.

01:19:32.000 Okay.

01:19:33.000 Nothing you do would surprise me.

01:19:35.000 Wow, you briefly chatted about him a few shows back and it didn't come up.

01:19:40.000 Since he's the only famous face in your opening that I recognize, it made me wonder if it's just a fluke or if he's there on purpose.

01:19:48.000 We're aware of Prince Vince, my dear.

01:19:50.000 Yes, he's there on purpose.

01:19:52.000 And that's Joe Strummer we just showed one second ago with the ghetto blaster. 0.72

01:19:56.000 And there is Prince Vince, Vince and Gallo, for a second.

01:20:00.000 Jesus Lord.

01:20:01.000 I've been doing this for a little while, my dear.

01:20:04.000 So the odds are pretty high I'm familiar with my own show and what's in it.

01:20:09.000 Hey, Gaylords, Nate Silver's 538 website says Biden has a 90% chance of winning.

01:20:16.000 The prediction is brought to you by Comedy Central.

01:20:20.000 Is this an epic troll or one of the dumbest sponsorships imaginable?

01:20:25.000 90 and 100.

01:20:27.000 10 to 100.

01:20:29.000 We've been through this before.

01:20:32.000 And look, they've just got a bunch of different scenarios below it where Biden wins.

01:20:38.000 And I'm 5e Fox.

01:20:44.000 If you're trying to scare me, it's not working, Comedy Central.

01:20:47.000 Hey, Gavin and by guy.

01:20:49.000 Wanted to share you my gratitude to Rufio, Seattle Proud Boys, for helping my two female coworkers with unloading their U-Haul, okay?

01:20:55.000 I'm a Florida guy.

01:20:56.000 Our chapter president gave me Rufio's contact.

01:20:58.000 Rufio agreed with knowing me, blah, blah, blah.

01:21:01.000 And he asked for nothing in return.

01:21:02.000 That's kind of lame, dude.

01:21:05.000 To ask for random Proud Boys to help you move.

01:21:08.000 It's not a volunteer labor force.

01:21:12.000 That's a shitty thing to do.

01:21:14.000 Like, would a Hell's Angel call other Hell's Angels and say, help my girlfriend move? 0.78

01:21:20.000 My two female co-workers? 0.99

01:21:22.000 Maybe I'm off on a bad foot with these letters, but isn't that fucking retarded? 1.00

01:21:26.000 You're a Florida proud boy and you have them, people you don't know, unload your female co-workers U-Haul. 0.99

01:21:36.000 What?

01:21:38.000 That's not what the organization was built for, dude.

01:21:40.000 Maybe like a toy drive or something, but your two female co-workers, you're not even fucking them? 1.00

01:21:47.000 Ugh.

01:21:49.000 This him and Gatsikoto.

01:21:51.000 Yeah.

01:21:51.000 That's the only interesting thing about that.

01:21:53.000 All right, these letters better start getting good.

01:21:54.000 Uhuru.

01:21:56.000 Hey, gay Gavin and Hetcher.

01:21:57.000 By the way, just so everyone's clear, that guy is the guy behind the Uhuru.

01:22:04.000 He's a very effeminate, gay black guy who is obsessed with reparations. 1.00

01:22:09.000 I think he was driven out.

01:22:11.000 Why aren't you showing the picture?

01:22:12.000 Uhuru! 1.00

01:22:13.000 I think he was driven out by BLM for being too gay.

01:22:17.000 Like literally driven right out of town with his boyfriend, which is also very funny.

01:22:24.000 Hey, gay Gavin and Hetro Ryan of the frat zone.

01:22:27.000 What?

01:22:28.000 Longtime listener hailing from the glorious Liverpool, UK.

01:22:31.000 I beg to differ.

01:22:33.000 Did you know some journalist over here tracked down one of Biden's cousins, Ralph Biden?

01:22:37.000 Ralph didn't even know he was his cousin and said Joe's probably too old to do the job.

01:22:42.000 Google it.

01:22:43.000 Why do I got to do your homework?

01:22:45.000 I love you significantly more than something you describe as platonic.

01:22:56.000 Oh, does it not play?

01:22:58.000 There's so much of this shit that just doesn't play when you find it.

01:23:03.000 It don't play around.

01:23:06.000 There's also our shitty internet.

01:23:10.000 I got to take off my ad blockers.

01:23:12.000 Oh, even that didn't work.

01:23:14.000 Frigate, interesting. 0.98

01:23:16.000 Although, I never put too much credence on that.

01:23:18.000 That's sort of like when they found Barack Obama's stepbrother, and he doesn't like Barack.

01:23:23.000 Okay.

01:23:24.000 Would you pay some African dude 40 bucks to say something? 1.00

01:23:29.000 Dear Gavin Rice, with most things, you're totally right that Tim Poole is totally bald.

01:23:33.000 This is probably going to be that millennial matt taking off his hat.

01:23:37.000 A beanie is the worst way to hide your baldness.

01:23:39.000 I mean, what do you do in the summer or if you're in a moderately warm room?

01:23:44.000 Just wear like a baseball hat or something normal.

01:23:46.000 Love you more than a friend.

01:23:48.000 I swear to God, I'm doing this.

01:23:50.000 Later tonight, I'm going to start a GoFundMe.

01:23:52.000 27.

01:23:55.000 Look how mad he gets when they take his hat off.

01:24:03.000 I had to steal your hat.

01:24:06.000 Do you remember me?

01:24:20.000 That's the place where I said, if someone says, hey, how's it going?

01:24:23.000 Choke them out.

01:24:24.000 Because Antifa were going up to people and saying hi and then attacking them.

01:24:28.000 You understand that?

01:24:29.000 I understand.

01:24:30.000 Don't fucking touch me.

01:24:32.000 Do you realize what these people have been doing to me all day?

01:24:36.000 And you want to come up to me and you want to grab my head.

01:24:38.000 I just wanted to take your head. 1.00

01:24:39.000 That's all.

01:24:48.000 demon man.

01:24:48.000 Look, he puts his hood up.

01:24:51.000 Jokes are funny.

01:24:52.000 Listen, I get it.

01:24:53.000 You want to go out there?

01:24:54.000 You want to start trolling people?

01:24:55.000 Taking their hats?

01:24:56.000 That's fine.

01:24:56.000 I get it, man.

01:24:58.000 But when you take my hat, I don't take too kindly.

01:25:01.000 Don't you feel like Antifa's ruined by the mug shots?

01:25:08.000 So these motherfuckers can't fucking recognize me when I'm on the street.

01:25:10.000 What?

01:25:12.000 There's Jim Poole.

01:25:13.000 No, that guy's bald.

01:25:14.000 Oh, okay.

01:25:17.000 So I wear a different color beanie than the...

01:25:19.000 I liked him now.

01:25:20.000 I didn't before, but...

01:25:24.000 I'm so mad for saying Proudboy started the fight.

01:25:26.000 I think he's making this up.

01:25:32.000 Oh, they take his hat.

01:25:34.000 And they run away.

01:25:35.000 I told him to do that.

01:25:36.000 These are our enemies.

01:25:37.000 We have an alliance now.

01:25:38.000 Oh, it looks like Millennial Matt is running low on the follicles himself.

01:25:44.000 In fact, this was, I think, what was that, 2017?

01:25:46.000 It's gone by now.

01:25:47.000 I'd like to check in on it.

01:25:48.000 Listen, ma'am, you have a spot in your beard?

01:25:50.000 You have a little spot in the green?

01:25:51.000 I'm bald, too.

01:25:52.000 You've got about three months, buddy.

01:25:54.000 He said to me in London, he goes, I had everyone chanting USA.

01:25:57.000 And he goes, I got to ask you, this is backstage.

01:26:00.000 You have everyone chanting USA, USA.

01:26:03.000 You notice my imitations are just imitations of your imitations.

01:26:06.000 But you were born in, you're Canadian. 0.69

01:26:11.000 I go, first of all, I was born in England, right down the street.

01:26:16.000 And what the fuck do you care?

01:26:17.000 Was that him when he was liberal?

01:26:18.000 It was such a petty little...

01:26:20.000 I don't know.

01:26:21.000 Because that goes against the whole, if you come here, you're an American, even if you're illegal and didn't do anything.

01:26:25.000 No, it's just like, why do you get to do a big speech and why am I backstage?

01:26:29.000 And it was just petty.

01:26:30.000 Well, hey, ma'am. 0.82

01:26:31.000 I probably don't do it as good of a speech.

01:26:34.000 But listen.

01:26:34.000 My speech was the worst speech of possibly history.

01:26:38.000 I've been drinking for three days with those fucking lads.

01:26:41.000 Dear Gavin Rye guy, I got a new car and I was thinking of names.

01:26:44.000 I wanted to know how Rye came up with the fag zone. 1.00

01:26:46.000 Good question.

01:26:47.000 I want something as fitting and perfect.

01:26:49.000 Also, would you ever consider having Colin Flaherty on?

01:26:52.000 He's, I, Jesus, this is a bad day for letters.

01:26:55.000 I'd love to have Colin Flaherty on.

01:26:58.000 Like, who did...

01:26:59.000 I was talking to Faith Goldie the other day and she suggested it was someone like Bill Burr or something.

01:27:05.000 I was like, yeah.

01:27:06.000 And I'd love to have the Rolling Stones play my birthday.

01:27:11.000 I forgot to show you the New York Post.

01:27:14.000 Yeah, dude, these social justice warriors out there.

01:27:17.000 It's fucking brutal.

01:27:20.000 Hey, GNR, I was delighted to see an actual Sabo in the wild this morning in downtown L.A. Check it out.

01:27:27.000 That's very good.

01:27:29.000 All right, that's good news.

01:27:31.000 All right, here's one more.

01:27:33.000 Hey, Gavin, the Jap Rican mayor of the F-Zone. 1.00

01:27:36.000 You fucked up my last name on my cameo, you drunk Scott.

01:27:39.000 Do you like Samuel?

01:27:41.000 And by the way, I'm still available for cameos.

01:27:43.000 Look me up.

01:27:44.000 It's on censor.tv.

01:27:45.000 100% of the proceeds go straight to Max and John, actually to Zenoa Kinsman, and she distributes it to the two families.

01:27:53.000 I never see a red cent.

01:27:56.000 And I'll do whatever you want.

01:27:57.000 Say it however you want.

01:27:58.000 I've just finally convinced them to stop censoring requests that have the word proud boys in them.

01:28:03.000 Can you believe that?

01:28:06.000 Cheat.

01:28:08.000 What's a recent one there?

01:28:10.000 Do they show the most recent ones?

01:28:12.000 I don't know, man.

01:28:13.000 So far, not seeing any pictures.

01:28:15.000 There we go.

01:28:16.000 No, that's an ancient one.

01:28:16.000 That's just me calling people saying that's a call to action.

01:28:21.000 So it should have examples.

01:28:23.000 I know.

01:28:24.000 Usually there is.

01:28:27.000 What the hell?

01:28:27.000 Get out of here.

01:28:28.000 Yeah, no, I haven't seen it.

01:28:30.000 Okay.

01:28:32.000 Do you like Samuel Wyatt Gross for a baby name or Noah Wyatt Gross?

01:28:37.000 Gross is my last name.

01:28:38.000 You said Taylor.

01:28:39.000 I worked my ass off on my kids' costumes this year, and no one was giving out candy.

01:28:42.000 Even here in Texas, we live in a society of brainwish victim pussies, and it pisses me off to no end. 1.00

01:28:48.000 Anyway, what do you think of their costumes?

01:28:50.000 Those are fucking amazing.

01:28:51.000 Nice job, dude.

01:28:53.000 Wow.

01:28:54.000 Look at that.

01:28:55.000 Yeah, the chest plates and the gloves are.

01:28:56.000 And the paint chipping on the Bubba Fett helmet?

01:28:59.000 I don't know who the other person is, do you?

01:29:02.000 No.

01:29:03.000 Probably some video game thing.

01:29:06.000 Or maybe from the Mandalorian or something.

01:29:08.000 Ooh, good.

01:29:08.000 Yep.

01:29:09.000 Good point.

01:29:09.000 Oh, good.

01:29:09.000 Yeah, good.

01:29:10.000 Oh, that's good.

01:29:10.000 Yep.

01:29:12.000 Pissed me off to no end.

01:29:14.000 Y'all are the best.

01:29:14.000 Take care and don't get murdered by the mob after Trump wins.

01:29:17.000 P.S. That kangaroo boy is awesome.

01:29:19.000 My favorite episode was the one where he reviewed a video of a bleep son who raped his bleep dad and his bleep mom murdered his bleep ass. 0.96

01:29:25.000 That was really the best.

01:29:27.000 Atheism is unstoppable.

01:29:29.000 Yes.

01:29:30.000 Bleep on bleep crime is out of control these days.

01:29:32.000 Bleep.

01:29:32.000 God bless Walter Gross.

01:29:34.000 So to answer your question, Samuel or Noah, Noah sounds very Jewish. 0.64

01:29:39.000 And the beauty of Sam is you got Samuel, Sammy, and Sam.

01:29:45.000 I would go with Samuel Wyatt Gross.

01:29:48.000 Sammy Gross.

01:29:51.000 Oh, I guess he is Jewish if it's gross, right? 1.00

01:29:53.000 And if it's Wyatt, it's like, why is it Wyatt Gross?

01:29:56.000 I don't know.

01:29:56.000 Why isn't it Gross?

01:29:58.000 They both have the same middle name, Wyatt Ryan, you fucking boob. 0.68

01:30:01.000 Well, we could change that.

01:30:03.000 What?

01:30:04.000 Noah?

01:30:05.000 No, because Noah's worse because it's like, you know, Wyatt's gross?

01:30:09.000 Wait, what?

01:30:12.000 I don't know.

01:30:12.000 Oh, I thought that was the guy who ripped me off trying to resell it.

01:30:15.000 Different guy?

01:30:16.000 This is from Texas.

01:30:17.000 Different guy, right?

01:30:19.000 Yeah.

01:30:19.000 My guy was Ohio, my scam artist.

01:30:22.000 So there's still...

01:30:23.000 What was that on?

01:30:24.000 Facebook.

01:30:25.000 See, I can't even look at Facebook.

01:30:27.000 It's Verboten.

01:30:29.000 All right, I had a lot more political shit, but we'll do that on the marathon tomorrow.

01:30:38.000 Let's end with our final video.

01:30:42.000 I think we should do 4-4.

01:30:44.000 Do we want to date the video?

01:30:45.000 Let's show our new month.

01:30:46.000 Well, it's not quite done.

01:30:47.000 Are you done the montage?

01:30:48.000 No, no, no.

01:30:48.000 Not even close.

01:30:49.000 No, we could listen to the song.

01:30:51.000 Okay, let's listen to our new final video song.

01:30:54.000 Here it comes.

01:30:54.000 I thought you were going to be done the video.

01:30:56.000 No, no, I started it, but...

01:30:58.000 Okay.

01:30:59.000 Here we go.

01:31:13.000 Yeah, I don't know if you caught those lyrics, but there's a lot of talk about...

01:31:18.000 No, I said 4-4.

01:31:19.000 There's a lot of, well, now you have to show that, Ryan.

01:31:21.000 You fucking blew it.

01:31:22.000 Could be a teaser.

01:31:23.000 No.

01:31:24.000 Okay, it's a teaser for tomorrow.

01:31:25.000 Yes.

01:31:27.000 But that's a Beastie Boy song, basically about Ryan's dad abandoning him and ending with the final video.

01:31:33.000 Thank you very much to the person who did that.

01:31:36.000 Should we say his name?

01:31:36.000 Or can they get in trouble?

01:31:38.000 Maybe the first name.

01:31:39.000 I'm so toxic that I don't know if I should have guests on the show.

01:31:44.000 I have to find out who Faith was suggesting.

01:31:46.000 It was so fucking annoying.

01:31:47.000 I love her to death, but it was such an irritating.

01:31:53.000 What did she say?

01:31:56.000 Dave Portnoy from Barstool.

01:31:58.000 Oh, right, right, right.

01:31:59.000 I remember what he was doing.

01:31:59.000 Yeah, I should get Dave Portnoy.

01:32:01.000 You mean the guy who just sat down with the President of the United States?

01:32:05.000 That'll be the one.

01:32:06.000 Yeah, I'll get that multi-millionaire to risk everything coming on my show.

01:32:12.000 What are you doing?

01:32:14.000 You just reminded me.

01:32:15.000 So there was a...

01:32:16.000 Show your face.

01:32:18.000 What's it called?

01:32:19.000 Constant coaching.

01:32:20.000 It's like you're an intern at a college radio station.

01:32:22.000 There we go.

01:32:25.000 Oh, someone was me for Halloween.

01:32:26.000 There's a better one.

01:32:30.000 That's pretty good.

01:32:31.000 It's like a handsome version of you.

01:32:33.000 It's an ugly version of me.

01:32:34.000 I'm way more gorgeous than that.

01:32:35.000 You got the tattoos and everything.

01:32:37.000 Oh, yeah, those are very accurate.

01:32:39.000 That's fucking good.

01:32:40.000 I guess he saw that on that tattoo YouTube thing.

01:32:45.000 Oh, will you explain your tattoo?

01:32:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:32:48.000 Not bad.

01:32:49.000 Yeah, good job.

01:32:51.000 Probably, and then, so I don't want to say his name because it was the same topic.

01:32:54.000 Oh, he got the Chucks.

01:32:56.000 And the Budweiser, and the Makers.

01:32:58.000 I wouldn't wear Chucks with a suit and tie.

01:33:00.000 Or jeans.

01:33:02.000 Or jeans.

01:33:03.000 Oh, what the fuck kind of tie is that?

01:33:04.000 I mean, a belt.

01:33:06.000 A zebra belt, dude?

01:33:10.000 The guy who wrote that final thing, he's listed here as G buttersnaps.

01:33:17.000 So I don't know if we're helping him or hurting him.

01:33:21.000 But we had that's the final video song, and let's check out the final video.

01:33:25.000 This video, it's going viral on the internet.

01:33:28.000 It shows a man dressed as a clown scaring random people in Stockton.

01:33:32.000 But he gets a scare of his own when he tries to surprise and frighten a man who then pulls out a gun and pistol whips the man in the clown suit.

01:33:39.000 Okay.

01:33:40.000 I got something.

01:33:41.000 Don't run.

01:33:42.000 Don't run.

01:33:43.000 Don't run.

01:33:43.000 It's a prank.

01:33:44.000 It's all the prick.

01:33:46.000 It's a prick.

01:33:47.000 The camera right there.

01:33:49.000 He just got a pistol.

01:33:50.000 I don't know if it was a real gun or fake, but it looked like a gun.

01:33:53.000 So I mean, it was a gun and he hit it.

01:33:56.000 And then I felt a little dizzy and I fell down.

01:33:59.000 And then I just started telling him it's a prank.

01:34:02.000 It's a prank.

01:34:03.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:05.000 It's a prank.

01:34:05.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:06.000 It's a prank.

01:34:07.000 It's a prank.

01:34:07.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:08.000 It's a prank.

01:34:09.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:11.000 It's a prank.

01:34:12.000 It's a prank.

01:34:13.000 It's a prank.

01:34:13.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:14.000 It's a prank.

01:34:15.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:16.000 It's a prank.

01:34:17.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:19.000 It's a prank.

01:34:20.000 So he won't shoot me.

01:34:22.000 What?

01:34:22.000 So he won't shoot me?

01:34:24.000 Yeah.

01:34:25.000 That's it, folks.

01:34:26.000 I assume you're voting now.

01:34:28.000 You voted today or you're voting tomorrow.

01:34:30.000 I assume you voted for Trump.

01:34:32.000 I also assume he's winning, and we will be indulging in those victories tomorrow night.

01:34:39.000 100% chance Trump is winning.

01:34:41.000 I'll be here with Milo, popping the champagne, having a gay old time, calling people all night, totally partying, pulling them in, being on their shows. 1.00

01:34:49.000 They'll be on our shows.

01:34:50.000 Try to get all of our contributors on board.

01:34:53.000 I mean, in a perfect world, we'd all be having a party together, but I'm not good enough at organizing that kind of thing.

01:35:00.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:35:21.000 Patriotic, bitch, my team show page. 1.00

01:35:27.000 Another twenty-twenty.

01:35:29.000 Month twenty twenty twenty.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 02, 2020

S03E32 - JAMES BOND IS DEAD [2020-11-02 - S03E32 - JAMES BOND IS DEAD]

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