Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S4E145

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Up My One with Devin McGuinness.

00:00:41.000 I want to improve my station.

00:00:46.000 What do you think of my suit?

00:00:48.000 It's nice.

00:00:50.000 Harkens back to days of yore, I think.

00:00:54.000 Well, this is what inspired it.

00:00:56.000 I saw this picture of Jesse James and his brother Frank, which I texted you.

00:01:01.000 And zoom out a bit.

00:01:03.000 And I said to Anita Fashions, this was a great time for men.

00:01:09.000 Can you make me one?

00:01:11.000 And they said yes.

00:01:12.000 And here it is, folks.

00:01:14.000 My Jesse James and Frank James.

00:01:18.000 Oh, here's the check this part out.

00:01:21.000 I guess I'm supposed to wear it with a vest.

00:01:24.000 The lining is skull.

00:01:28.000 It rules.

00:01:31.000 I want a damn skull suit.

00:01:33.000 If I'm on 60 Minutes and Talk about Prowboys and I wear this, people are going to be scared.

00:01:38.000 They're going to be like, he's some sort of evil genius who controls millions of young American men with his own private army.

00:01:47.000 Yeah, I got to say, the look looks very intense.

00:01:50.000 Almost like a judge or a priest or a cult member or an evil villain or grew.

00:01:56.000 Yeah, like say they go, the guy who founded the Proud Boys wants to meet you.

00:02:01.000 And they go, why?

00:02:03.000 Trust me.

00:02:04.000 And then you go by his office and he stands up like this.

00:02:12.000 Can you get me on the wide or something?

00:02:14.000 And he's like, come in.

00:02:17.000 You know, like the dude from Better Call Saul, the black guy?

00:02:21.000 The chicken man?

00:02:23.000 That's the kind of vibe it is.

00:02:24.000 Oh, Gus Fring.

00:02:27.000 Yeah, the guy.

00:02:27.000 He was in Darth Vader, Batman, what, fucking Lil Yoda, The Mandalorian.

00:02:33.000 Yeah.

00:02:34.000 Anyway, I played Bad Reputation because I've been getting into chicks who rock, and we're going to cover that later on because a lot of chicks fucking rock.

00:02:43.000 This chick rocks.

00:02:44.000 Her and her husband decided to lure thieves with a bike and then crack their heads in with baseball hats when they stole them.

00:02:59.000 By the way, I have no idea what these kids are going to look like.

00:03:04.000 Like what?

00:03:07.000 Most of your kids look like halfway between you and your wife sometimes.

00:03:11.000 Like my youngest boy looks a little more Indian than white.

00:03:15.000 My oldest boy looks a little more white than Indian.

00:03:18.000 Like it's a combination.

00:03:19.000 What's this combination going to do?

00:03:21.000 It's like a fork and a car.

00:03:24.000 What do they have in common?

00:03:26.000 What kind of eyes?

00:03:27.000 Yeah, it's real important.

00:03:28.000 It's like a Parkington face or...

00:03:31.000 An orange in a boot.

00:03:32.000 A chicken in a plane.

00:03:34.000 What is that going to be?

00:03:35.000 Which nose are you going to choose, God?

00:03:38.000 I know you're supposed to take the guy's last name when you get married, but I think they have options.

00:03:43.000 I like Corey Grillett.

00:03:46.000 Yeah.

00:03:46.000 Instead of Savannah Cornut?

00:03:49.000 Cornut.

00:03:51.000 Maybe that's why they're so mad.

00:03:53.000 Anyway, I'll allow it.

00:03:54.000 You can do that.

00:03:55.000 Beat them with baseball bats.

00:03:57.000 Our Maderis Bab is live in front of the house where the incident reportedly took place.

00:04:03.000 Our Maderis.

00:04:04.000 She's a fucking fox, by the way.

00:04:05.000 That's my type.

00:04:06.000 Oh, that's why they named her.

00:04:07.000 She has a title, Mineris Bab.

00:04:10.000 Our Mineris Bab is on the scene.

00:04:14.000 And then beat them with baseball bats.

00:04:17.000 Our Maderis Bab is live in front of the house where the incident reportedly took place.

00:04:21.000 What kind of Bab is that?

00:04:22.000 Oh, it's a Mineris.

00:04:23.000 Some towel head with a stupid sand name is on the scene.

00:04:27.000 I love how no one can have a sense of humor on the news, too.

00:04:30.000 Yeah.

00:04:30.000 Hey, Sandtrap, what's going on out there?

00:04:34.000 Hey, Sinbaderis.

00:04:36.000 What are police saying tonight?

00:04:37.000 And you also got a chance to speak to a neighbor as well.

00:04:41.000 That's right, Alexon.

00:04:43.000 Police telling me that the incidents happened right here behind me.

00:04:46.000 A neighbor saying that the couple no longer said they wanted to move to Lamour naval base.

00:04:52.000 I did confirm with the Navy.

00:04:54.000 Hey, blah, blah, blah.

00:04:55.000 We just want to see the footage.

00:04:57.000 There we go.

00:04:59.000 You know what a better one is?

00:05:00.000 Have you seen this one where they leave a bike by a hill?

00:05:04.000 And then the guy jumps on it and he starts ripping down the hill.

00:05:06.000 There's an invisible long steel cable that is connected to it.

00:05:11.000 That's awesome.

00:05:12.000 I also saw one recently where it's a bike that fails that locks up.

00:05:18.000 I don't know if it's like remote controls.

00:05:21.000 And severely injured.

00:05:24.000 Officers say the couple planted the bike as a decoy several times throughout July to November.

00:05:29.000 If someone took the baits, they would film the entire thing.

00:05:32.000 They seem to wait a while.

00:05:35.000 I was surprised it didn't.

00:05:36.000 Nobody reported sooner because it was almost every night for a minute.

00:05:40.000 Neighbor Karis LeBeau says at first the neighborhood supported the couple, even thanking them for keeping thieves off the street.

00:05:47.000 But the support quickly diminished once people were seriously injured.

00:05:51.000 You know, I'm not for not protecting your property, protect your property, but at the same time, there was a fine line when they're starting to kind of bait them and do it kind of for other reasons because they were filming it and they were, you know, putting it online and getting a lot of support for it.

00:06:05.000 I don't have a problem.

00:06:06.000 As long as you don't do permanent damage.

00:06:08.000 Like, what should be the punishment for a stolen bike?

00:06:10.000 A broken rib.

00:06:12.000 Maybe even a broken leg.

00:06:13.000 Not a concussion.

00:06:14.000 That seems a little rich.

00:06:16.000 What do you think, Ryan?

00:06:18.000 What level of beating do you do?

00:06:19.000 Sub-concussion would be pretty good.

00:06:22.000 This one's interesting, too.

00:06:24.000 What is it?

00:06:25.000 Oh, Huff Poe.

00:06:26.000 Cyclists, please watch out for gaffer tape on bike racks, covering up that they're cut straight Through.

00:06:32.000 Oh, so oh, that's a good idea.

00:06:36.000 For a bike thief.

00:06:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:38.000 So they get to be clever, and these heroes don't?

00:06:40.000 That's bullcrap.

00:06:41.000 So we've got a guy running for governor here in New York.

00:06:45.000 He's a Republican, and they don't like that.

00:06:48.000 So some guy with a rape claw tried to kill him.

00:06:52.000 Thank you to everyone who reached out following tonight's attack in Fairport.

00:06:55.000 Someone tried to stab me on stage during this evening's rally, but fortunately I was able to grab his wrist and stop him for a few moments until others tackled him.

00:07:02.000 I think Lee is an ex-Marine.

00:07:04.000 Or aren't you always a Marine if you're a Marine?

00:07:06.000 So he's a military dude.

00:07:08.000 Don't mess with the military man.

00:07:11.000 Look at what he was using.

00:07:14.000 They're not sending their best.

00:07:16.000 There's the guy.

00:07:17.000 It's all dirty and sweaty.

00:07:20.000 And then that's the weapon.

00:07:23.000 Do you know what that is?

00:07:24.000 It looks like a cat.

00:07:25.000 It's called like the rape kitten or something.

00:07:28.000 Women carry it in their purse and they put their fingers in it.

00:07:34.000 It's to stab a rapist.

00:07:35.000 It's a girl's weapon to protect them.

00:07:40.000 Maybe he's got some plan where you get away with a misdemeanor if you don't have a knife.

00:07:46.000 Yeah, like Maddie carries around knives that he's allowed to carry around.

00:07:49.000 They're like three inches, so they can't kill.

00:07:54.000 Maybe that's it.

00:07:55.000 I think that thing is legal everywhere.

00:07:57.000 Yeah, that's what he's doing.

00:07:58.000 He's minimizing his charges.

00:08:00.000 He's not going to get attempted murder.

00:08:03.000 You know what?

00:08:04.000 Wouldn't that bother you if you're reaching around in your purse?

00:08:06.000 You're going to keep jabbing yourself.

00:08:10.000 And you can't put it in your pocket.

00:08:11.000 It's going to rip your pocket lining.

00:08:16.000 Remember the guy I barfed with?

00:08:19.000 I hypocrite?

00:08:21.000 I was on his show with some other chick in Ghazi and I vomited right there.

00:08:25.000 His accountant just fired him as a client, just dumped him because he's transphobe and any insensitivity towards the trans movement leads to them being murdered.

00:08:44.000 Yeah, correct.

00:08:46.000 I don't understand what's going on.

00:08:48.000 I'm really, I have no idea what's going on.

00:08:54.000 So yeah, as I said in our email, we reviewed your social media sites, and there seems to be a lot of anti-transphobia that you propagate, which we feel leads to the murder of trans people.

00:09:09.000 Which leads to murdering trans people.

00:09:11.000 By the way, anti-transphobia is good, isn't it?

00:09:14.000 What are you...

00:09:15.000 What are you looking at?

00:09:18.000 So he keeps going.

00:09:19.000 This goes on for a long time.

00:09:21.000 And later on the video, he only cites one example and it said, why are so many serial killers cross-dressers?

00:09:31.000 That'll come up about 80% of the way in.

00:09:34.000 And then the accountant, but it's true.

00:09:36.000 And I backed it up with data.

00:09:38.000 And he goes, yeah, but I mean, I'm sure a lot of serial killers are military.

00:09:42.000 And then the guy goes, okay, well, that's a valid video, too.

00:09:45.000 We should explore that.

00:09:46.000 I'm just trying to understand patterns here.

00:09:49.000 And of course, the guy doesn't bend.

00:09:51.000 So, you know, why have a discussion with him?

00:09:54.000 Are you going to convince him otherwise?

00:09:56.000 I mean, I guess it makes a good video, but can you sue for that?

00:10:00.000 Well, he divulges, the tax guy divulges that he's had a relationship with a trans person before.

00:10:06.000 Right.

00:10:07.000 Which, you know, your natural instinct is, ew.

00:10:12.000 You mean you fucked a dude in the ass who had fake tits?

00:10:15.000 Right.

00:10:16.000 Or you dated some weird chick who took so many testosterone pills, he has a wispy, pubey beard.

00:10:26.000 That's less gross.

00:10:28.000 It's just you fucked an ugly chick.

00:10:30.000 So you either fucked an ugly chick or you fucked a crazy fake.

00:10:36.000 I like how you can take those two possibilities and turn it into.

00:10:40.000 I've been madly in love with someone in the trans community, so I'm basically part of it now.

00:10:45.000 Wow.

00:10:46.000 We used to call those perverts.

00:10:49.000 We used to call those drug addicts.

00:10:51.000 We used to call those meth heads.

00:10:54.000 This is his second attempt to get his taxes done this year.

00:10:56.000 At this rate, IRS is going to lock me up.

00:10:58.000 Yeah, that's got serious repercussions, right?

00:11:00.000 I mean, he's super late with the taxes.

00:11:04.000 He waited to the last, last minute to tell him this.

00:11:07.000 Well, also, I assume, I don't know where he lives, but let's say it's a small town.

00:11:11.000 The accountant community is going to be pretty limited.

00:11:14.000 Right.

00:11:16.000 My brother had to delay his wedding.

00:11:20.000 Because the caterers found out he's my brother, and they said, no, we're not catering your wedding.

00:11:25.000 Because the founder of the Prow Boys' brother can't have people eat at his wedding.

00:11:31.000 That's the way it is up in Canada.

00:11:33.000 So the wedding's delayed.

00:11:35.000 Because it's such a tight-knit community that once they found out, all the other caterers found out.

00:11:40.000 And now none of the caterers in the town, small Canadian town, will do the wedding.

00:11:46.000 You know, when this sort of shit happened to the Adams family in the new animated feature, which I told you you should watch.

00:11:52.000 It's like, I think it's encouraging.

00:11:53.000 Yeah, I'm 52.

00:11:55.000 What am I?

00:11:55.000 Two?

00:11:56.000 Five.

00:11:57.000 My kids are too old for that movie, Ryan.

00:12:00.000 Well, it's got a good lesson.

00:12:01.000 They're completely ostracized by the entire neighborhood.

00:12:05.000 And they're like, you know what, let's just lean into this.

00:12:08.000 And if you lean into that and you're like, you know what?

00:12:11.000 We got some...

00:12:11.000 Maybe you're going to get some company soon at your catering place.

00:12:18.000 What if you just leaned into it.

00:12:19.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:12:20.000 Be like, well, maybe some Proud Boys are going to show up to your catering thing.

00:12:24.000 So you threaten the caterers?

00:12:25.000 That's not a threat.

00:12:27.000 You just say maybe something?

00:12:29.000 Be like, oh, I wouldn't want to do that.

00:12:30.000 And is that what they did in the Adams family?

00:12:31.000 They threatened their neighbors?

00:12:32.000 Yeah, since they were seen as spooky monsters, they were like, you want to see Spooky?

00:12:36.000 I'll give you Spooky.

00:12:39.000 Wow.

00:12:40.000 I love having an educated person on the show who can cite the literature they're familiar with and the culture that they enjoy and impart that via metaphors to the show.

00:12:50.000 It's very helpful.

00:12:51.000 That's why you should read books, kids.

00:12:53.000 Or else you sound like that.

00:12:55.000 Or you sound like the fucking writers on Samantha Bee where every metaphor is Harry Potter.

00:13:00.000 What is this, Valdemort?

00:13:02.000 And then some guy walks in looking like Dumbledore.

00:13:07.000 And then they also cite Disney princesses and stuff.

00:13:10.000 This is the, he looks fatter than the fucking mermaid bitch who's got the black hair.

00:13:16.000 Ursula.

00:13:17.000 Ursula.

00:13:18.000 See?

00:13:19.000 This is a funny example of censorship, though.

00:13:22.000 This appears to be right-wing censorship because as a host alludes to global warming, he gets shut down because it's not cheery enough.

00:13:30.000 And I think that's an interesting thing to point out with the censorship.

00:13:34.000 A lot of it is apolitical, and it's just, we don't want to bum out our sponsors.

00:13:40.000 Like I keep telling you when I was at Fox News, I was told not to make fun of fat people because that's their bread and butter.

00:13:44.000 And I honestly believe this is why you don't see a lot of African news on American TV.

00:13:51.000 Noah, Trevor Noah tried it when he first took over the daily show.

00:13:55.000 He's like, you're not going to believe what is going on in Zimbabwe with fucking Mugabe.

00:14:02.000 And then they find out that he cut open a pregnant woman because he wanted to see what it looks like.

00:14:06.000 He didn't do that.

00:14:07.000 That was another dictator, but you get the idea.

00:14:08.000 That's not atypical for African news.

00:14:12.000 And then everyone just went, eh, it's way too fucking freaky.

00:14:16.000 And people are eating supper.

00:14:18.000 So take it down a notch.

00:14:19.000 So this is the news ceiling as far as apocalyptic environmentalism goes.

00:14:30.000 Yes?

00:14:34.000 Are we not being clear?

00:14:38.000 We're trying to tell you that the entire planet is about to be destroyed.

00:14:44.000 Okay.

00:14:45.000 Well, it's, you know, just something we do around here.

00:14:47.000 You know, we just keep the bad news light.

00:14:49.000 Oh, you see, John, you're outside enjoying the sunshine.

00:14:53.000 It's not too hot, is it?

00:14:55.000 No, it's absolutely lovely.

00:14:56.000 It's what, 20 degrees out here?

00:14:58.000 It's perfect.

00:14:59.000 But on a series of 20 degrees, folks, by early next week, you can scratch 20 degrees.

00:15:06.000 It could well be 40 degrees.

00:15:08.000 I think there will be hundreds, if not thousands, of excess deaths early next week.

00:15:15.000 Charts that I can see in front of me are 40 degrees is 104.

00:15:19.000 So we all like nice weather, but this will not be nice weather.

00:15:22.000 This will be potentially lethal weather for a couple of days.

00:15:26.000 It'll be brief, but it'll be brutal.

00:15:29.000 So, you know, we can.

00:15:34.000 So, John, I want us to be happy about the weather.

00:15:36.000 And every single...

00:15:37.000 I don't know whether something's happened to meteorologists to make you all a little bit fatalistic and harbingers of doom.

00:15:44.000 Because all of the broadcasts, particularly on the BBC, every time I've turned on anyone's talking about the weather, they're saying that there's going to be tons of fatalities.

00:15:52.000 But haven't we always had hot weather, John?

00:15:56.000 I mean, wasn't the 76, the summer of 76?

00:15:59.000 That was as hot as this, wasn't it?

00:16:02.000 No.

00:16:03.000 And we are seeing more and more records more and more frequently and more and more severely.

00:16:08.000 So yeah, some people always hop back to the summer of 76, which was a freak event 40-odd years ago, over 40 years ago.

00:16:16.000 But heat waves are becoming more extreme.

00:16:18.000 This is yet another one which is coming down the track towards us.

00:16:21.000 And, you know, I don't think we should be too...

00:16:24.000 Yeah, so he's full of shit, and he thinks that you can judge the weather by a couple of decades.

00:16:34.000 Oh, that's fucking hilarious.

00:16:37.000 There's tons of these, actually.

00:16:39.000 I think that he's pushing a false narrative of climate change, but that's his opinion, and he's a meteorologist, so he has a valid opinion.

00:16:49.000 Let him talk.

00:16:52.000 Let him on the show.

00:16:53.000 Put him in the movies, as Bill Hicks would say.

00:16:56.000 And then finally, before we start the show, I presume you're familiar with Tony Poznanski.

00:17:03.000 I like occasionally being reminded that he exists and he sells his art.

00:17:07.000 What percentage of this man's art is purchased as a joke?

00:17:13.000 I don't know.

00:17:14.000 Does he care?

00:17:16.000 I think his prices range from $40 to $100 for what I believe is the worst drawings I've ever seen in my life.

00:17:24.000 It makes me wonder, is he special?

00:17:27.000 Let's look at some of them, shall we?

00:17:29.000 Oh, this is his pinned tweet.

00:17:31.000 $50 per original.

00:17:33.000 Oh, that's good.

00:17:34.000 So what have you got there?

00:17:38.000 I can't wait for you to lose Rubio.

00:17:43.000 Uh-oh, Marco Rubio sucks.

00:17:46.000 So that's Jesus Christ not condoning Marco Rubio.

00:17:51.000 Love is love.

00:17:53.000 He uses stickers, too.

00:17:54.000 Every time you see something that's not terrible, it's a sticker.

00:17:58.000 So that's pro-gay.

00:18:00.000 Gur, I always, what is that?

00:18:03.000 Gur.

00:18:04.000 Always knew you were criminals.

00:18:06.000 Uh-oh.

00:18:07.000 The Corrupt Secret Service.

00:18:11.000 Holy shit.

00:18:12.000 Is that a Pokemon?

00:18:13.000 Why does it have a fucking lightning tail?

00:18:15.000 And why has he got a piece of hair?

00:18:16.000 Ew.

00:18:17.000 Clean up your art, sir.

00:18:18.000 There's a piece of hair on it.

00:18:19.000 There's a pube on it.

00:18:21.000 There's a pube on his art.

00:18:23.000 There's a pube on his dog's ass.

00:18:25.000 Did he try to fuck that dog?

00:18:26.000 I don't know.

00:18:28.000 As do I. What's the name of the dog?

00:18:31.000 It's too small for me to read.

00:18:33.000 I warned them, as did I. Myr?

00:18:38.000 Hillary and Major.

00:18:39.000 Major.

00:18:40.000 I guess her dog is called Major.

00:18:42.000 Hillary and Major were right about everything.

00:18:44.000 So anyway, that's a fun guy if you want to check out some local outsider art.

00:18:49.000 And now that brings us to.

00:18:52.000 I thought Major was Biden's dog.

00:18:55.000 Look at this fucking guy.

00:18:58.000 Let's see what he has to say.

00:19:00.000 Okay.

00:19:00.000 Healthy living.

00:19:04.000 Buddy.

00:19:04.000 I'm trying a new drink, and it's supposed to be like some sort of healthy cleanse, but also for energy.

00:19:11.000 And I'm real excited about it.

00:19:12.000 I saw it online.

00:19:14.000 Here it is.

00:19:15.000 It is apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, lemon juice, and a touch of honey.

00:19:22.000 And it's supposed to be like a spicy lemonade.

00:19:25.000 So I'm real excited.

00:19:28.000 Oh, fuck.

00:19:30.000 That ain't no lemonade.

00:19:33.000 What's up, everybody?

00:19:34.000 Wow.

00:19:34.000 I'm trying to do a drink.

00:19:36.000 All right, that brings us to Comedy Cringe.

00:19:37.000 So let's start the show.

00:19:39.000 Yeah.

00:19:45.000 Whoopsie.

00:19:46.000 No, that's wrong.

00:19:47.000 No, that's not how it goes.

00:19:50.000 It comes from there, and it goes that way.

00:19:53.000 Bring me a monster truck.

00:19:54.000 Okay, here we go.

00:19:55.000 Bring me a monster truck.

00:20:09.000 The Chelsea handler cringe keeps improving.

00:20:13.000 And we've had some baby monsters help me out with some back research.

00:20:17.000 Now, she started out saying, I don't want kids in a cool kind of way.

00:20:22.000 Like, I'm a badass and I'm not going to quit smoking.

00:20:25.000 That's how it started.

00:20:27.000 How it's ended now is a turkey neck and extreme loneliness and a what have I done.

00:20:33.000 This is especially painful for her when she goes to family reunions and sees that all her siblings have bred and they have these beautiful teenage girls, children, fun people to hang out with, witty, interesting people that give you immortality and are there your whole life.

00:20:53.000 Although I'm in a fight with my parents right now.

00:20:57.000 My mom, and do you get this?

00:20:58.000 When you get older, your mother sends you photo albums of you as a baby.

00:21:03.000 And you're like, I don't want this.

00:21:06.000 So I got, I got, she made this big, beautiful photo album, worked hard on it, and it's my wedding.

00:21:13.000 It's like, did you get it?

00:21:14.000 What'd you think?

00:21:15.000 And I was like, to be honest, I have these pictures.

00:21:18.000 I sent you copies.

00:21:20.000 So you're sending me something I already have.

00:21:22.000 And I hate all these people.

00:21:24.000 About 90% of the people who are at our wedding stabbed us in the back.

00:21:27.000 It's all vice people, comedian friends.

00:21:30.000 It's all people that walked out on us.

00:21:32.000 So it's kind of mean, actually.

00:21:35.000 And then my dad called me an ungrateful cunt.

00:21:38.000 He's never called me a cunt before.

00:21:39.000 That was a biggie.

00:21:41.000 And my wife was like, why did you do that?

00:21:43.000 Just say thank you.

00:21:45.000 And I'm like, if I say thank you, I lie.

00:21:49.000 And after I left Vice, about two years after, she gave me a huge stack of Vice magazines.

00:21:57.000 I'm like, and I was still sore about the split.

00:22:00.000 And I'm like, I don't really, I have tons of these, by the way.

00:22:04.000 And I don't need to see this.

00:22:06.000 That's my ex-job.

00:22:09.000 Anyway, I said to my wife, I go, if I go, oh, thank you, that's amazing.

00:22:14.000 And when she goes like this by accident, then she's not a real mom and we're not in a relationship.

00:22:21.000 And it's like senility.

00:22:23.000 And I'm not prepared to do that.

00:22:26.000 If it's like, hello, oh, you're Jesse James?

00:22:29.000 I'll be like, yeah, I'm Jesse James.

00:22:31.000 When we get to that, I'll do that.

00:22:33.000 But we're not there yet.

00:22:35.000 So right now, if my mom goes, you're Jesse James?

00:22:37.000 I go, no, it's the suit similar.

00:22:39.000 What are you talking about?

00:22:40.000 Of course not.

00:22:40.000 He's been dead for 200 years.

00:22:48.000 What?

00:22:49.000 That's a Larry David thing to do.

00:22:51.000 Like, can't you just say thank you?

00:22:53.000 You're like, no.

00:22:54.000 And there's a perfectly good reason for it.

00:22:56.000 Yeah, but that music means something else.

00:22:59.000 That music is for when you totally fuck up your life.

00:23:03.000 Yeah.

00:23:06.000 It also embodies his attitude towards life, which is...

00:23:09.000 Yeah, you're never wrong.

00:23:11.000 He's never wrong.

00:23:12.000 Well, this time I'm right.

00:23:13.000 No, you're not.

00:23:14.000 It's that theme song.

00:23:15.000 It's a meme, Ryan.

00:23:16.000 Yeah, but I did not use it for a meme.

00:23:18.000 I use it for the OG piece.

00:23:19.000 I understand, but there's no OG purpose.

00:23:22.000 It's an accepted thing that means this guy's a buffoon.

00:23:28.000 Well.

00:23:29.000 So you're wrong.

00:23:31.000 Say it.

00:23:32.000 I don't want to.

00:23:34.000 Wow.

00:23:35.000 All right.

00:23:35.000 I'm right.

00:23:37.000 Hey, what the fuck?

00:23:39.000 Yeah, that's more accurate.

00:23:42.000 So here she is in her Hallicon days of shitting on kids.

00:23:48.000 Very admirable that Gwen is able to have such a huge career and children, but I feel differently.

00:23:53.000 And now here's a word from our sponsors.

00:23:56.000 When you have kids, you can't just walk around your house in the middle of the day sleeping weed.

00:24:02.000 Yeah, you can.

00:24:03.000 It's called a school day.

00:24:06.000 When the kids are all at school, which happens real fast.

00:24:10.000 It's like zero to four.

00:24:12.000 And even in four, around four, there's pre-K.

00:24:15.000 But in four years, boom, they're off.

00:24:18.000 So once your youngest is four, parties on, Wayne.

00:24:25.000 Smoke weed all day.

00:24:27.000 Sit on your ass.

00:24:28.000 And then after your buzz wears off, your adorable children come home.

00:24:33.000 You silly cow.

00:24:37.000 Around the house smoking weed because I'm childless.

00:24:41.000 Look at all the pictures of family members.

00:24:47.000 What a great life.

00:24:49.000 Your 20s and 30s, people will try to trick you into having kids.

00:24:52.000 But it's possible to remain childless and alone.

00:24:55.000 You just have to want it.

00:25:04.000 Like she's spreading this evil propaganda.

00:25:07.000 This is a whole montage of them.

00:25:10.000 See, I'm sitting here in my spacious home with no children.

00:25:13.000 I'm having a cocktail at 10 a.m. going over some paperwork.

00:25:16.000 By the way, stop.

00:25:18.000 There's not just no children.

00:25:19.000 There's nobody.

00:25:21.000 You are all alone.

00:25:22.000 And I don't want to watch 10 hours of storage wars.

00:25:25.000 When you become an adult, you realize time is precious.

00:25:28.000 I want to interact with people.

00:25:30.000 And when you have kids, you have skin in the game.

00:25:32.000 So you talk to someone at a bar about, I don't know, gun control or taxes or a shooting that went on in a nearby town.

00:25:42.000 This is all vitally important information for you because you want your kids to be safe and to prosper.

00:25:48.000 So you're out there learning about the world and sharing information.

00:25:52.000 You're part of the equation.

00:25:53.000 You're part of the big picture.

00:25:55.000 That's what I get when I'm at church.

00:25:56.000 I feel like I feel connected to dead generations before me.

00:26:00.000 You're all united together.

00:26:02.000 She's not in it.

00:26:04.000 She's not participating in life.

00:26:07.000 She's a dead ghost.

00:26:09.000 And fifthly, if you've got paperwork to go over, it's not good to be drunk.

00:26:16.000 You're going to miss shit and fuck it up.

00:26:18.000 Who wants to look at paperwork drunk?

00:26:21.000 This is your idea of paradise?

00:26:22.000 Storage wars and fucking up expense reports.

00:26:27.000 Thank God you don't have kids holding you back.

00:26:54.000 Wrong.

00:26:54.000 Don't get confused and think that you're over 40 and you only have one or two good edges.

00:26:58.000 You know who she's talking to right now?

00:27:01.000 A woman named Chelsea Handler.

00:27:04.000 There's a giant mirror in front of her.

00:27:06.000 You fucked up.

00:27:07.000 You waited too long and your ship sailed.

00:27:11.000 Your ovaries died.

00:27:13.000 You blew it and you're going to be miserable.

00:27:16.000 Why don't you go back into your hallway there and stare at all the pictures of your nieces and nephews and cousins and pretend somehow their love comes out of the photograph into your life?

00:27:26.000 You're going to roll on your back with some loser and then plop out a baby.

00:27:29.000 Some loser, yeah.

00:27:30.000 You can be childless and alone.

00:27:32.000 You mean all the men you've dated for less than a year?

00:27:35.000 Just stick to your guns, girl.

00:27:41.000 We'll do one more.

00:27:47.000 Oh, is that it?

00:27:49.000 No.

00:27:50.000 Is there another one?

00:27:51.000 There are a ton of mysteries in the universe, and since I don't have children, I don't have to explain any of them.

00:27:57.000 I don't have some nosy, precocious child asking me questions about the galaxy, the Milky Way, or what a moon.

00:28:03.000 The term is curious.

00:28:05.000 Look at her dog there.

00:28:06.000 I don't need companions.

00:28:08.000 I have a machine, a biological machine that's been bred for thousands of years to love me unconditionally.

00:28:15.000 That's who loves me.

00:28:16.000 Something that's been bred to love me and has no choice.

00:28:21.000 Talk about choice.

00:28:22.000 A dog is basically a retarded love slave.

00:28:26.000 So she gets love slaves from the local pound and they love her because that's their duty.

00:28:31.000 And then she drinks wine and shits on children.

00:28:35.000 Maybe she'll be in the war on kids.

00:28:36.000 Little children.

00:28:37.000 I don't want to deceive them.

00:28:38.000 I don't want to pretend that there's a Santa Claus or an Easter bunny or explain to them when they're going to get their first.

00:28:43.000 It sucks coming up with fun games and mythology and culture and tradition.

00:28:50.000 How horrible.

00:28:51.000 What's worse than Santa?

00:28:54.000 Christmas morning with little kids running downstairs, opening their presents, freaking out because it's exactly what they asked for.

00:29:01.000 Isn't she Jewish?

00:29:03.000 Why Santa?

00:29:03.000 You don't celebrate Christmas.

00:29:05.000 Yeah.

00:29:06.000 Or what this suit is.

00:29:07.000 I had to figure out all of that on my own.

00:29:11.000 I also hate arts and crafts.

00:29:12.000 I hate stickers.

00:29:13.000 I fucking hate glue.

00:29:15.000 I hate Disney movies and I hate animation.

00:29:18.000 I hate Smurfs.

00:29:19.000 I hate Batman.

00:29:19.000 I hate Robin.

00:29:20.000 I hate to have a lot of Spider-Man.

00:29:23.000 I hate all of it.

00:29:24.000 And I don't ever want to go back to anyone's childhood.

00:29:28.000 Kids, they're not that great.

00:29:31.000 Who hurt you?

00:29:33.000 Who raped you every day of your childhood?

00:29:36.000 Anyway, it goes on and on like that.

00:29:38.000 And then here she is today.

00:29:40.000 You can sort of tell by a woman's neck how lonely they are.

00:29:46.000 And now that they're, because that old stuff you saw was probably from like 10 years ago, maybe more.

00:29:52.000 Now the ship is, you can't even see it on the horizon.

00:29:55.000 It was a speck.

00:29:56.000 It's gone over the curve.

00:29:58.000 And yes, the earth is curved, you fucking weirdos.

00:30:02.000 But now the turtleneck hides the turkey neck, and the turkey neck says, I'm alone, and I don't like it.

00:30:08.000 Listen to these people.

00:30:09.000 Mom's in denial.

00:30:12.000 Clock is ticking, which is, you know, passe and old school.

00:30:14.000 But like, they should come up with a new phrase for how you know when you know that you don't want to have a child.

00:30:19.000 Yeah.

00:30:20.000 Like I've never been on the fence about that.

00:30:22.000 I've known in, you know, in my gut and my soul that that is not what is meant for me.

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 I think, yeah, I think most people know.

00:30:30.000 I feel like I knew early on, and then as I got older, I was like, oh, maybe, you know, everyone's telling you you should have a baby.

00:30:37.000 Stop, did you see?

00:30:38.000 Are you going to have a baby?

00:30:39.000 So then everyone's, she goes, oh, maybe.

00:30:43.000 And then she realizes, oh, shit, I'm giving away.

00:30:46.000 Not to us.

00:30:46.000 This is all directed to Amir.

00:30:48.000 I'm giving away that I regret it and I wish I had a kid.

00:30:53.000 I got to change course here very quickly.

00:30:55.000 So she pivots and says, they say that you got to have a kid.

00:31:00.000 And then she says something that is really telling.

00:31:03.000 She's about to say, that fucks with you.

00:31:07.000 When people tell you to have a kid and you're getting older, it really deeply fucks with you.

00:31:11.000 I wonder why.

00:31:13.000 I wonder why.

00:31:14.000 I want Jiminy Glick to interview her.

00:31:17.000 Why?

00:31:17.000 Why do you think it is that you said that it really fucks with you when people tell you not to have a kid?

00:31:23.000 You could tell me to be gay for all of my 20s and 30s.

00:31:27.000 Just try it.

00:31:28.000 Suck a dick.

00:31:29.000 They're really delicious.

00:31:30.000 You'll love it.

00:31:31.000 It wouldn't fuck with me.

00:31:32.000 I'd be like, okay, look, no thank you.

00:31:35.000 And why do you keep pushing this?

00:31:37.000 I'm not interested, okay?

00:31:39.000 Go nuts, gays.

00:31:40.000 Have fun.

00:31:40.000 It wouldn't fuck with you if it's something that you weren't interested in.

00:31:46.000 She's interested.

00:31:47.000 And she blew it.

00:31:47.000 That fucks with you, but your heart always knows.

00:31:50.000 I don't think it's for me.

00:31:52.000 And now I'm 36 and I'm like, yeah, I don't want to do that.

00:31:56.000 Yeah, it's not up to you anymore.

00:31:57.000 You know how they say your clock is ticking, which is, you know, a passe.

00:32:01.000 So that was fun.

00:32:02.000 This is her crying over Joe Coy.

00:32:03.000 Therapy and understanding that every door shutting is a new beginning.

00:32:08.000 Chelsea Handler is trying to.

00:32:10.000 She's in this perpetual.

00:32:11.000 I thought it was a new beginning.

00:32:12.000 Remember, she was so happy about it being a new beginning.

00:32:16.000 She loved the dump.

00:32:17.000 How are you right now in this moment?

00:32:19.000 I'm okay.

00:32:20.000 I mean, I feel, you know, optimistic about the future now.

00:32:24.000 I've changed so much.

00:32:26.000 And I've loved, my love was like so big that it just blew me open.

00:32:30.000 And as painful as the ending of something like that is, I'm so well versed in therapy and understanding that getting down is a new beginning.

00:32:44.000 And I do believe it.

00:32:45.000 I don't think that's horseshit.

00:32:47.000 I don't think that's horseshit.

00:32:48.000 Who are you talking to?

00:32:49.000 Yeah, I don't think that's fucking horseshit.

00:32:52.000 I love being alone.

00:32:55.000 We are not going to be okay.

00:32:57.000 And I think, I guess the message that I want to like spread out to other women is exactly what you're saying is not to give up.

00:33:05.000 Sorry, I hate fucking crying on camera, but is not to give up because this is so important.

00:33:10.000 And it's easy to say, throw in the towel and that we're going to leave.

00:33:15.000 What is she talking about?

00:33:16.000 Hillary Clinton losing.

00:33:17.000 Oh, Hillary Clinton.

00:33:19.000 See, that's what happens.

00:33:20.000 Women have maternal instincts.

00:33:22.000 So when you take away the maternity, it focuses on something else.

00:33:27.000 And it's always something retarded, like Hillary Clinton or dogs.

00:33:31.000 Here she is talking about her dogs, like anyone gives, a flying fuck.

00:33:42.000 Nope.

00:33:44.000 Wait, more comedy.

00:33:45.000 Is it 2-0?

00:33:47.000 Gotcha?

00:33:49.000 Yeah, what are you doing?

00:33:50.000 Being gay.

00:33:52.000 Sucking shit.

00:33:54.000 Listen to this.

00:34:14.000 I'm so sick of that, too.

00:34:16.000 What kind of answer is that?

00:34:18.000 What kind of margin of error?

00:34:19.000 Are you a doctor or not?

00:34:22.000 You can tell.

00:34:23.000 We know that kangaroos were alive on the island of Australia 25 million years ago because of a half of a tooth.

00:34:34.000 And you can't tell me how old the fucking Chow Chow is?

00:34:38.000 I mean, honestly, fuck yourselves.

00:34:41.000 We can tell how old you are.

00:34:43.000 Yeah, we can tell exactly how old you are.

00:34:45.000 56.

00:34:47.000 Not a lot of laugh lines, though.

00:34:49.000 That's interesting.

00:34:52.000 How old is she?

00:34:52.000 Or from the audience, they're in no danger of getting laugh lines.

00:34:55.000 Terry, how old is Chelsea Handler?

00:34:59.000 Chelsea Handler.

00:35:00.000 Oh, shit.

00:35:00.000 She's only 47.

00:35:03.000 Whoa, that neck grew up real fast.

00:35:09.000 Shit.

00:35:10.000 Also, this is a new segment, Comedy Cringe.

00:35:14.000 Hey, let's get our buddy to make a thing for it.

00:35:20.000 Okay?

00:35:20.000 A background?

00:35:21.000 A background.

00:35:22.000 And an interstitial.

00:35:24.000 What's this?

00:35:25.000 In complete disbelief.

00:35:28.000 Oh, this is a new show with Kevin Hart.

00:35:31.000 It's super cheap 90s animation, and it's all about what goes on in his world.

00:35:36.000 Wait, go back.

00:35:36.000 I got to hear the audio.

00:35:38.000 This is so affordable.

00:35:40.000 How much was this?

00:35:41.000 This is like iPhone technology.

00:35:43.000 Yeah, some guy did this on his phone in Korea.

00:35:46.000 Look how cheap it looks.

00:35:48.000 Turn it up.

00:35:49.000 Flashing lights.

00:35:51.000 This is when I realized you just don't know who people are.

00:35:54.000 I'm small, but I ain't stupid.

00:36:00.000 You ain't got nothing.

00:36:03.000 That's not performing.

00:36:04.000 I feel my stomach.

00:36:05.000 Oh, no.

00:36:06.000 It's going to happen.

00:36:11.000 Confessions from the heart.

00:36:14.000 And I can't wait.

00:36:17.000 Don't threaten me with a good time.

00:36:20.000 Wow.

00:36:22.000 So you know what that is?

00:36:23.000 Yeah, he hired his black cousins to do the animation and everything.

00:36:26.000 He probably owns the animation studio, right?

00:36:29.000 And so he just sits.

00:36:30.000 Remember when I did the story times at the marathon?

00:36:33.000 So he sits in a podcast booth and he just talks and tells stories.

00:36:38.000 And then they animate it.

00:36:41.000 So he did it for like six hours.

00:36:42.000 He told stories.

00:36:43.000 And now they have a season.

00:36:46.000 Nobody wants to look at that fucking animation, dude.

00:36:51.000 Your fucking Wii emoji from your Nintendo Wii level animation.

00:36:57.000 Remember Jay Howell from Bob's Burgers, he used to do that punk skit cut.

00:37:04.000 I did one about DMS that they had to take down because DMS threatened to kill everyone.

00:37:09.000 But they would tell stories and they would animate them.

00:37:12.000 And it was like a lot of flash and it was pretty cheap and easy and it was beautiful.

00:37:17.000 And they would go back and forth from the guy to the story.

00:37:20.000 Have I got the guy's name right?

00:37:22.000 The Bob Sperger's guy.

00:37:24.000 Punks get cut.

00:37:26.000 Do I have to look up shit on my own here?

00:37:29.000 You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?

00:37:32.000 Can I find yours, you think, or no?

00:37:34.000 It's gone.

00:37:34.000 Mine's gone.

00:37:35.000 I just told you that it's banned.

00:37:37.000 Okay, let's do someone else's job here.

00:37:41.000 Punks get cut.

00:37:44.000 I'll say Jay Howell.

00:37:46.000 I was right.

00:37:46.000 Yes, Jay Howell.

00:37:47.000 So now you go over here.

00:37:48.000 You go Jay Howell.

00:37:50.000 You go story time.

00:37:52.000 And what do we got here?

00:37:57.000 Bouncing off the walls.

00:37:58.000 Was that it?

00:37:59.000 Classic Tales.

00:38:00.000 Van's Classic Tales.

00:38:03.000 See how life works?

00:38:04.000 Oh, have they taken it down?

00:38:08.000 Those were great.

00:38:10.000 It's a good way to do things.

00:38:15.000 Yeah, it's gone.

00:38:16.000 Maybe they got into a dispute.

00:38:22.000 I know he had a big fight with Bob's Burgers, and they ended up quitting.

00:38:27.000 Yeah, here it is.

00:38:28.000 Classic Tales behind the scenes.

00:38:29.000 Tony Trujillo drove off a mountain and survived.

00:38:34.000 Vans.

00:38:37.000 Gotcha.

00:38:41.000 Come on, come on.

00:38:42.000 Tony Trudhillo, T-R-U-G-I-L-L-O, drove off a mountain and survived.

00:38:49.000 Look in videos, look in YouTube.

00:38:51.000 Why am I better at your job than you?

00:38:53.000 And I'm also hosting a show.

00:38:57.000 How do you spell Trujillo?

00:38:59.000 For the second time, T-R-U-J-I-L-L-O.

00:39:04.000 But if you spell it wrong and include drove off a mountain and survived Classic Tales vans, you're going to get there.

00:39:11.000 It's going to work out.

00:39:14.000 Still waiting, still waiting, still waiting.

00:39:19.000 I mean, I might as well just set up my computer to the screen.

00:39:23.000 Yeah, let's do that.

00:39:25.000 Well, I'm Tony Trujillo.

00:39:29.000 Right for fans, you know, skateboard team.

00:39:33.000 Play music, like rock.

00:39:36.000 I got a couple kids, dog, you know, American family kind of guy.

00:39:50.000 And like the budget was probably a thousandth of what Kevin Hart is spending on that pile of shit.

00:39:59.000 This was back in 2015, Skate Rock, South Africa.

00:40:04.000 You don't really know where you're going half the time when you're like on these trips.

00:40:07.000 You're kind of in the back of the van, and somebody's got some kind of schedule, and you don't know where you're going.

00:40:12.000 We ended up in this place, Valley of a Thousand Hills, and it's up in the mountains, freaking middle of nowhere.

00:40:18.000 So we start making our way, and everything seems fine.

00:40:22.000 See, if they did this, and then he's a great artist.

00:40:25.000 He did a bunch of my tattoos.

00:40:27.000 I mean, Jay Howell and juxtaposed it with Kevin Hart.

00:40:31.000 Kevin Hart's an interesting guy to look at.

00:40:33.000 He's good at facial gestures.

00:40:36.000 It would have been awesome.

00:40:39.000 But it wouldn't be affirmative action because Jay's white, so we can't do that.

00:40:43.000 Everyone's going to watch this that was in their fucking absolute shit because meritocracy is dead.

00:40:49.000 It's an NFT project like Seth Green's.

00:40:53.000 So these are NFTs.

00:40:55.000 Those shitty drawings?

00:40:57.000 Yeah.

00:40:58.000 Those are NFTs?

00:41:03.000 What?

00:41:04.000 Ugh.

00:41:06.000 Nauseating.

00:41:07.000 A bunch of marketing people and affirmative action shit making art.

00:41:12.000 What could be less artistic?

00:41:19.000 And then we've got this Muslim comedian, 2-2.

00:41:22.000 She's...

00:41:24.000 This is brutal.

00:41:25.000 And again, this is affirmative action, the death of meritocracy.

00:41:30.000 Hi, guys.

00:41:32.000 Hi.

00:41:33.000 My name is Holdo Hirsi, okay?

00:41:35.000 But the vanilla version of my name is Hodo Hirsi.

00:41:39.000 So you're welcome, okay?

00:41:41.000 Yeah, you come from a shitty culture with stupid names.

00:41:46.000 So I don't need to learn the Hersey.

00:41:49.000 Do I say Nicaragua?

00:41:51.000 You're in my country, too.

00:41:53.000 So we're going to anglicize your name.

00:41:54.000 I'm sorry.

00:41:55.000 Bad news.

00:41:57.000 What the fuck is this now?

00:42:01.000 This makes me want to look up what Lily sings up to these days.

00:42:06.000 Her show was canceled.

00:42:08.000 Does she cry about it?

00:42:09.000 That's the thing about affirmative action.

00:42:11.000 It doesn't last.

00:42:12.000 Every time you see someone who's hired because they're a black lesbian or something, it's assumed that they were being held back by racism.

00:42:21.000 And then they show you what they got and you go, oh, no, no, you weren't being held back.

00:42:24.000 You suck.

00:42:25.000 Welcome.

00:42:26.000 And then they get fired.

00:42:28.000 And a bit of a dirty secret, bit of a confession to make off the top, okay?

00:42:33.000 I am my father's favorite child.

00:42:37.000 I know, that's kind of gross to say out loud.

00:42:40.000 Can't you just tell how many times she's rehearsed this in her living room?

00:42:43.000 Certain pockets in the crowd.

00:42:45.000 I get it.

00:42:45.000 It's disgusting, okay?

00:42:47.000 But this is what I've learned being the favorite child, okay?

00:42:51.000 I'll never know what it's like to be white, but I feel like being white and being the favorite child are almost the same thing.

00:43:01.000 Like, almost the same thing, you know?

00:43:05.000 Right?

00:43:05.000 So there is a studio audience there.

00:43:07.000 I just heard a laugh, but it's deathly silent.

00:43:11.000 Like, you're having fun while everyone else is mad at you.

00:43:14.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:15.000 And you see that they're mad, so you try to pretend like it's not as fun, but you're having a blast.

00:43:23.000 It is.

00:43:24.000 Really?

00:43:24.000 Why is the white male suicide rate so severe and so much higher than every other group suicide rate?

00:43:34.000 Thick and fun.

00:43:35.000 It is a good time.

00:43:38.000 I did grow up in a broke immigrant household, so that does take me down a couple pegs.

00:43:44.000 Okay.

00:43:45.000 And we were poor.

00:43:46.000 We were comfortably broke.

00:43:48.000 You know, that was the name of our unspontaneous.

00:43:54.000 It's this painful, fucking repetitious shit show.

00:44:05.000 She's practiced this a thousand times.

00:44:07.000 She's like a robot right now.

00:44:11.000 We're a country goal.

00:44:13.000 And, you know, there are some unspoken rules growing up in a broke immigrant household.

00:44:17.000 One of the rules is that once you start working, everyone has to pitch in for the bills of the house, for the finances.

00:44:23.000 And when I was a teenager working a minimum wage job, this wasn't an issue.

00:44:28.000 Okay.

00:44:29.000 But then I got older, started to make some real money.

00:44:32.000 And I was like, still?

00:44:35.000 Why didn't you move on?

00:44:36.000 I still got to do this.

00:44:37.000 So what I'm saying is there's a ball of resentment in my chest.

00:44:40.000 Okay.

00:44:41.000 Don't know how else to say this, but we got to get rid of these immigrants, you guys.

00:44:46.000 We got to get them out.

00:44:47.000 Got to get them out.

00:44:49.000 Especially my parents.

00:44:50.000 Okay.

00:44:51.000 We got to get them out.

00:44:52.000 Okay.

00:44:52.000 She's watched Dave Chappelle.

00:44:55.000 We got to get him out.

00:44:56.000 We got to get him out.

00:44:58.000 Okay.

00:45:01.000 I self-identify as a Republican now.

00:45:03.000 Let's build the wall.

00:45:04.000 Build it.

00:45:04.000 Let's get him out.

00:45:05.000 Let's get him out.

00:45:08.000 Block twist in the set.

00:45:09.000 Anyways.

00:45:10.000 I don't get her joke.

00:45:11.000 Like, she wants her mother out so she doesn't have to pay bills.

00:45:15.000 If her mother leaves, she has to pay all the bills.

00:45:18.000 And why would she care about other immigrants making their kids pay their bills?

00:45:23.000 There has to be some semblance of logic to a joke.

00:45:26.000 And you don't have a lot of black and brown friends.

00:45:28.000 I'm going to give you a bit of a heads up.

00:45:30.000 Okay.

00:45:31.000 We are making fun of you guys.

00:45:36.000 You know, behind your back to your face, holding a microphone.

00:45:41.000 We're making fun of you guys.

00:45:43.000 a common insult I hear about white people that I do not agree with, okay, and I stand up for the Caucasian community on this one.

00:45:51.000 Okay.

00:45:52.000 All right.

00:45:52.000 Okay.

00:45:52.000 I am a reverse ally.

00:45:54.000 That's what I am.

00:45:55.000 Okay.

00:45:58.000 Common insult I hear is people say, oh, you know, white people, white people don't have a culture.

00:46:02.000 White people don't have a culture.

00:46:04.000 And that's not true because white people, you guys do have a culture.

00:46:08.000 And it's something shitty.

00:46:10.000 Commemorative coins.

00:46:11.000 White people love a good commemorative coin.

00:46:15.000 The problem with white culture is there's too much.

00:46:19.000 Like, what about the Highland Games?

00:46:23.000 What about running with the Bulls?

00:46:27.000 What about the Gaudi's architecture in Barcelona?

00:46:33.000 What about the docks in the Netherlands and the clogs and the windmills up there?

00:46:42.000 What about the Schluppenplatz in Stuffendorf?

00:46:46.000 Oktoberfest.

00:46:47.000 Oktoberfest.

00:46:49.000 The Welsh accent.

00:46:51.000 Flying planes.

00:46:54.000 Separating church and state.

00:46:56.000 Equal rights.

00:46:58.000 Not throwing gays off buildings.

00:47:00.000 She's telling us how much white people suck.

00:47:02.000 Meanwhile, she ran here because she'd be stoned to death in her home country.

00:47:07.000 And I don't mean marijuana.

00:47:09.000 Because she's showing too much cheek.

00:47:11.000 Yeah.

00:47:12.000 She's brought the oppression with her, though.

00:47:14.000 She's not allowed to show her hair.

00:47:17.000 So she's brought her primitive bullshit, which we used to do, I guess, a thousand years ago.

00:47:23.000 But yeah, they haven't quite caught up to us yet.

00:47:25.000 But they have caught up to our luxuries.

00:47:29.000 Stop it.

00:47:30.000 Don't tell me why people don't love a good commemorative coin, okay?

00:47:34.000 It's money that's decorative, okay?

00:47:38.000 They're never going to spend it, okay?

00:47:39.000 And it's from some beauty.

00:47:41.000 Yeah.

00:47:42.000 And that's a really niche group of people.

00:47:46.000 Commemorative coins.

00:47:47.000 How many white people do you know that have commemorative coins?

00:47:51.000 Zero?

00:47:53.000 No one cares about anymore.

00:47:55.000 Okay.

00:47:55.000 It's peak white wealth.

00:47:56.000 I love it.

00:47:57.000 Commemorative coins.

00:47:58.000 Okay.

00:47:59.000 I don't care about World War II.

00:48:01.000 If no one cares about World War II, why do we keep hearing about it?

00:48:09.000 Next I want to say is the word shenanigans.

00:48:11.000 Shenanigans kind of just rolls off the tongue.

00:48:15.000 All white people say shenanigans.

00:48:17.000 This is really.

00:48:18.000 Should we get into what you do to gays?

00:48:20.000 It rolls off the tongue unlike anything in your language.

00:48:24.000 Yeah.

00:48:24.000 I think if you insult Muhammad, then they roll off your tongue and it's lying on the ground.

00:48:33.000 Is throwing gays off building considered shenanigans?

00:48:37.000 Is cutting a baby's clit off a shenanigan?

00:48:40.000 Fuck.

00:48:41.000 Next I want to say is the word shenanigans.

00:48:43.000 Shenanigans.

00:48:45.000 What about whipping rocks at a woman because there's a rumor that she cheated on her husband?

00:48:51.000 Can you even dance on a shenanigans in your home country without getting buried in some of your family?

00:48:56.000 Can you do stand-up in your home country, by the way?

00:48:58.000 Can you physically stand up legally in your country?

00:49:01.000 Or do you have to be sitting?

00:49:03.000 Can you drive to the comedy club on your own to do your shenanigans?

00:49:09.000 It just rolls off the tongue.

00:49:10.000 It's a good time.

00:49:12.000 I don't know how to spell it, but it's a good time.

00:49:14.000 I like it.

00:49:15.000 Shenanagens.

00:49:21.000 And then the last one, which I think is a smart move, you know, I'm not, I'm personally not going to do it, but like, good for you, white people.

00:49:29.000 Okay, white people love putting their parents in a home.

00:49:32.000 White people love a good home.

00:49:34.000 They do.

00:49:35.000 They do.

00:49:36.000 Why'd you steal Sarah Silverman's voice?

00:49:38.000 She's white.

00:49:39.000 Yeah.

00:49:41.000 We don't kill our old people.

00:49:44.000 Shout out to Nana.

00:49:45.000 We love you, girl.

00:49:47.000 Okay, white people love a good home.

00:49:52.000 I like how she's hair criticism.

00:49:54.000 Like she touches her hair, but it's a scarf.

00:49:58.000 She's got to put it behind her ears.

00:50:00.000 Shout out to Nana.

00:50:01.000 We love you, girl.

00:50:02.000 Congratulations.

00:50:03.000 You found out a bad thing about white people.

00:50:05.000 They put people in a home.

00:50:06.000 I don't think that glittery head wrap is halam.

00:50:10.000 Yeah.

00:50:10.000 It's halal.

00:50:11.000 It's haram.

00:50:12.000 Yeah, it looks a little glamorous.

00:50:14.000 She's a harmonious.

00:50:15.000 Or someone who's supposed to be humble.

00:50:18.000 And then finally in our new segment, Comedy Cringe, we have Nick Mullen talking shit about our boy Anthony Kumia.

00:50:25.000 Starts at 1730.

00:50:26.000 I watched this actually, yeah.

00:50:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:30.000 You guys want to hear him like that?

00:50:31.000 Oh, it's not 10.

00:50:36.000 Like 10,000.

00:50:36.000 You got to be rich, basically.

00:50:38.000 You have to write a letter to them.

00:50:39.000 You can only be going to a firing range or from the firing range home.

00:50:45.000 The only people that had guns in New York City were Robert De Niro, Donald Trump, and Anthony Coomb.

00:50:50.000 Those are the only three people with like a joke.

00:50:54.000 Do you remember that when Ant, like, he got into it with that black lady?

00:51:00.000 Yeah.

00:51:00.000 Do you remember how he got canceled?

00:51:01.000 He was clearly just filming some black lady.

00:51:04.000 Yeah.

00:51:04.000 And then she was.

00:51:06.000 I don't want to never mind.

00:51:07.000 Go ahead.

00:51:07.000 No, it's funny to imagine him following her and be like, look at her.

00:51:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:12.000 No, he was taking pictures.

00:51:16.000 He may have said scaffolding to Yazid.

00:51:18.000 I don't believe it was scaffolding.

00:51:19.000 But he was taking pictures of Times Square very late at night.

00:51:22.000 Very late at night, Times Square ceases to be nice and it becomes a fucking circus.

00:51:28.000 And there's whores everywhere and junkies and homeless people and gang members.

00:51:33.000 It's not a very pleasant place to be.

00:51:36.000 He sees an Amazonian tranny who's about seven feet tall.

00:51:42.000 And he's like, this is a cool picture.

00:51:43.000 And I can make fun of her later.

00:51:46.000 She probably senses that.

00:51:47.000 It probably senses that, that it's being mocked or about to be mocked.

00:51:51.000 So it loses its temper and immediately starts punching Anthony.

00:51:57.000 He blocks them all, whatever, gets punched, doesn't pull a Gun doesn't fight back, and he's fucking pissed and a little drunk.

00:52:04.000 And he puts out about 10 tweets that say things like, These fucking people have a problem where they immediately go to violence.

00:52:12.000 It's kind of true.

00:52:15.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:52:16.000 He was because he was like, I was taking a picture of the scaffolding.

00:52:20.000 Is that his offense?

00:52:23.000 Now, you'll notice Shane has been canceled, so he's not piling on because he knows what it's like.

00:52:29.000 Nick hasn't been canceled, and he's probably autistic.

00:52:33.000 So he's just like, I'm going to shit on this guy for laughs and not worry about the truth.

00:52:39.000 Pen Gillette posted on Twitter afterwards, he's like, you should be thanking Anthony Cumier right now, and then posted a picture of Anthony Cumiya's concealed carry permit, as if we all owe him an apology for not murdering that black lady in cold blood.

00:52:55.000 What was their allegation about?

00:52:57.000 He was clearly just filming some black lady being like, look at this baboon or whatever the fuck he was doing.

00:53:02.000 And then she saw him recording her.

00:53:06.000 So he gets a professional grade camera worth thousands of dollars just for that purpose?

00:53:10.000 I doubt that.

00:53:11.000 I mean, look, this is all of his photography right here.

00:53:14.000 And probably, you know, all right, so let's say there's a woman of the night walking through New York City.

00:53:19.000 That's a photo.

00:53:20.000 That's a cool picture.

00:53:21.000 That's a cool picture.

00:53:21.000 It's like, this is New York, you know?

00:53:23.000 This is.

00:53:24.000 Yeah.

00:53:24.000 You're allowed to do that.

00:53:25.000 He wasn't filming her.

00:53:26.000 He was taking pictures.

00:53:28.000 And if you're taking pictures of New York City late at night, a gigantic tranny is a cool picture.

00:53:33.000 And you see a lot of look at this baboon.

00:53:36.000 Right.

00:53:37.000 Yeah, that's off-brand for him and his staircase fucking, I don't know, sewer great pictures.

00:53:42.000 Like, I'm not.

00:53:43.000 Yeah, the scaffolding is actually pretty on-brand.

00:53:45.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

00:53:46.000 Right, right.

00:53:47.000 Yeah, and by the way, you're allowed to take pictures of whoever you want.

00:53:49.000 You're not allowed to just go up and attack people.

00:53:51.000 And if someone beats this shit, punches someone who has a gun on them, yeah, they're lucky that they didn't get shot.

00:53:59.000 Yeah.

00:54:00.000 I don't know why he's intentionally getting this wrong.

00:54:02.000 I don't, unless he really thinks that's the he's just trying to make interesting content because he's plugging a new show.

00:54:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:54:09.000 And he doesn't care who he fucks over.

00:54:11.000 You know, and like started hitting him up, you know, like, and he was recording the thing.

00:54:15.000 And then he posted it on Twitter and was like, these people are all fucking savage animals.

00:54:20.000 That's why he's not going to be able to do it.

00:54:21.000 And then Sirius was like, I don't like stuff like that.

00:54:24.000 I'm very sensitive about throwing people under the bus.

00:54:28.000 If they are proven to be pedophiles, it's a fact, they're going under the bus.

00:54:35.000 If they wantonly beat the shit out of women, they're going under the bus.

00:54:40.000 I know of two cases where that accusation was false.

00:54:45.000 So I'm not like Jesse Lee Peterson.

00:54:48.000 He may or may not have diddled some old man, like someone his age.

00:54:54.000 You know what?

00:54:54.000 The only thing that goes against...

00:54:56.000 Not jumping in.

00:54:57.000 You know, the only thing that goes against Anthony is he got this drone called the Baboon Filmer, and it's bad luck.

00:55:05.000 That kind of helps Nick's theories.

00:55:07.000 Really funny, Ryan.

00:55:09.000 Also in the news, depression has been debunked.

00:55:14.000 I knew it.

00:55:15.000 Now, welcome.

00:55:17.000 Welcome, Jack, to us four years ago.

00:55:21.000 I don't know who needs to hear this, but the science said depression was caused by a, quote, chemical imbalance for 20 years, and this has just been debunked.

00:55:30.000 Now, if you recall, go to jump to 2.6.

00:55:33.000 We talked about this with a guy who has a funny name, and I made it my whole show.

00:55:39.000 And this guy said, we over-medicate depression, and it's often, the vast majority of the time, your lifestyle.

00:55:47.000 And I remember I had a buddy upstate who was going to marry this girl.

00:55:51.000 She was much younger than him, like 10 years.

00:55:52.000 I guess that's not that much.

00:55:54.000 And they were madly in love.

00:55:55.000 He was planning the proposal.

00:55:57.000 And as he got closer to the date, she made it clear that this wasn't going to happen.

00:56:03.000 They had just bought a dog, too, which is weird.

00:56:06.000 And so he went on Prozac?

00:56:10.000 I forget what it was.

00:56:11.000 I don't know antidepressants.

00:56:12.000 I would never do them.

00:56:14.000 And I would talk to him after.

00:56:15.000 I go, how you doing?

00:56:16.000 He goes, great, fine.

00:56:17.000 We're good friends.

00:56:19.000 And I'm like, yeah, you're not supposed to be good friends.

00:56:24.000 She ruined your life.

00:56:26.000 So you should quietly hate her.

00:56:28.000 No, fuck no.

00:56:30.000 In fact, we're splitting up the dog.

00:56:32.000 She takes him one week.

00:56:32.000 I take him the other week.

00:56:34.000 You have split custody with your fake fur baby.

00:56:37.000 Oh, dude.

00:56:39.000 And then he went off them a year later, right?

00:56:43.000 And the withdrawal was so bad that he would lose his balance and like fall.

00:56:50.000 I don't know.

00:56:50.000 It does something with your equilibrium where you'd have to walk down the stairs like holding the railing because what's up was down.

00:56:59.000 And then after that year was up, he was super fucking depressed.

00:57:04.000 So all he had done with those drugs for a year is stave off the inevitable depression of having your life ripped out your asshole.

00:57:13.000 It doesn't work.

00:57:15.000 And this guy in this interview, which you can dig up, it's got off my lawn number 74.

00:57:21.000 He said, look, I'm not saying they never work.

00:57:24.000 I'm saying it's rare they work and they're over-prescribed.

00:57:27.000 And he talked about, in this interview, he talks about this farmer in, I think, Thailand who lost his leg.

00:57:34.000 And so he was continuing to farm with this stub, one leg and a stub, and he's in the rice fields.

00:57:41.000 And it's getting infected and it's hurting and it's always wet.

00:57:45.000 And you don't want something wet rubbing on your skin back and forth, back and forth all day.

00:57:50.000 You're going to destroy your leg.

00:57:51.000 So he was on medication and painkillers to try to make himself happy.

00:57:56.000 That might be what he's talking about right now.

00:57:57.000 Turn it up.

00:57:59.000 One in 11 people in Britain at any given time is taking a chemical antidepressant.

00:58:03.000 Who are depressed and anxious who aren't taking chemical antidepressants?

00:58:06.000 I wanted to understand why depression and anxiety were rising so much.

00:58:09.000 Okay, so that's not what he's talking about.

00:58:10.000 It didn't seem so.

00:58:11.000 And so the guy took all the drugs and he was still doing okay, but they changed his job.

00:58:20.000 Like maybe you're not a rice farmer anymore.

00:58:22.000 And I think he worked at some sort of data entry place that was air-conditioned and his knee dried up, his stub Dried and it was no longer corroding.

00:58:33.000 Happy guy.

00:58:34.000 Loved his life.

00:58:37.000 So, depression and drugs are not friends.

00:58:40.000 I don't believe in it.

00:58:41.000 I think depression is, I don't totally understand depression.

00:58:44.000 It's not something that I have, but it's about a lifestyle change.

00:58:49.000 It's about cleaning your room.

00:58:51.000 It's about getting in shape.

00:58:53.000 It's about quitting masturbating and porn.

00:58:56.000 It's about quitting video games.

00:58:58.000 It's about reading and self-improvement.

00:59:00.000 Working out, lifting weights, and talking to people, getting out there, socializing.

00:59:07.000 Go to a shitty bar.

00:59:09.000 I posted this one week ago.

00:59:11.000 That's so weird.

00:59:11.000 I've been saying this for a while, that depression's a myth.

00:59:15.000 Well, I'm not denying.

00:59:16.000 I don't want to deny depression, but the way we're handling it is wrong.

00:59:21.000 Saying it's a chemical imbalance means that there's nothing you could do about it.

00:59:24.000 And then you can correct the chemicals with drugs.

00:59:27.000 Right.

00:59:27.000 What's he going to say?

00:59:32.000 No, no, not him.

00:59:33.000 The black guy you just put up.

00:59:34.000 Oh, that was just, it was a silly thing where it's like, guys got three moods.

00:59:37.000 One of them is like, I'm the man.

00:59:38.000 The second one is I'm sexy.

00:59:41.000 Way it, Ryan.

00:59:41.000 Don't just show us a thing.

00:59:44.000 Let's see.

00:59:45.000 You story.

00:59:49.000 The first mood is save the school fantasy.

00:59:52.000 The second one is, I'm the greatest man that ever lived.

00:59:56.000 And the third one is crippling nightly depression.

00:59:59.000 I was like, yeah, you lost me on that one, but the first two are hilarious.

01:00:03.000 We all get sad.

01:00:04.000 2-5.

01:00:09.000 Antidepressants don't work.

01:00:11.000 This is from the Telegraph.

01:00:13.000 Major reviews suggest low serotonin levels are not a factor, and the condition is more likely linked to stressful life events.

01:00:22.000 I cannot say enough about exercise.

01:00:24.000 Depression is not a chemical imbalance, and the brain scientists have no idea how antidepressants work.

01:00:30.000 And they prescribe them.

01:00:31.000 Remember I told you this before?

01:00:34.000 I know about this kid who had shitty grades, and they said he's going to get an F unless you can prove he has ADHD.

01:00:41.000 And then we can't give him an F because we're punishing him for a mental illness.

01:00:43.000 So she goes, okay, I don't want him to get an F. So she takes him to the psychiatrist that the school recommends.

01:00:48.000 The psychiatrist goes, yes, he has ADHD.

01:00:50.000 And she goes, oh, good.

01:00:52.000 And then they go, but we got to give him Ritalin.

01:00:55.000 In other words, we want your son to become a speed addict and do methamphetamines, or we're punishing you by ruining his academic career.

01:01:04.000 Go back.

01:01:05.000 There is more to that.

01:01:06.000 What's the next one?

01:01:08.000 Most antidepressants are, they prevent the loss of a chemical that carries messages between your blah, blah, blah.

01:01:14.000 Next.

01:01:19.000 Okay, boring.

01:01:21.000 Yeah, okay, you get the idea.

01:01:24.000 So this has made an interview with Tom Cruise Go Viral, which is 2.7, where, look, I'm no Scientologist.

01:01:34.000 I don't like that they separate you from your family.

01:01:36.000 I think it's depraved.

01:01:39.000 It's a science fiction writer.

01:01:42.000 They rob people of money with all this bullshit about clarity.

01:01:45.000 However, that doesn't mean they're wrong about everything.

01:01:48.000 They're actually pretty fucking right when it comes to psychology and medication.

01:01:53.000 Now that we're moonies, Scientology really is.

01:01:56.000 We're Scientologist gun moonies now.

01:01:58.000 Here we are today, where I talk out against drugs and psychiatric abuses of electric shocking people, okay, against their will.

01:02:07.000 Of drugging children with them not knowing.

01:02:10.000 Matt Lauer's like, I didn't do it.

01:02:12.000 Why are you leading it to me?

01:02:14.000 Leave me alone.

01:02:14.000 Very uncomfortable.

01:02:15.000 Okay, against their will.

01:02:17.000 Of drugging children with them not knowing the effects of these drugs.

01:02:21.000 Do you know what Adderall is?

01:02:23.000 Do you know Riddlin's son?

01:02:24.000 It's methane.

01:02:24.000 Amphetamine.

01:02:25.000 Ridlin is a street throat.

01:02:26.000 Amphetamine sulfate, I mean.

01:02:27.000 Do you understand?

01:02:28.000 It has meth in the word.

01:02:30.000 Difference is not against.

01:02:32.000 This is madder will, though.

01:02:32.000 Madam, asking me.

01:02:33.000 This wasn't against your question.

01:02:34.000 Madam asking a question.

01:02:35.000 I understand there's abuse of all of these things.

01:02:38.000 No, you see, here's the problem.

01:02:39.000 You don't know what you're saying.

01:02:39.000 Funny that he's abusing women as he says that.

01:02:42.000 Like, for instance, abuse.

01:02:43.000 I have a button on my desk.

01:02:45.000 I understand that there's guys who rape their co-workers.

01:02:50.000 But that's not what we're talking about, Tom.

01:02:53.000 He's like, neither am I, actually.

01:02:55.000 Psychiatry.

01:02:56.000 I do.

01:02:56.000 Two shitty dads who fucked up their families.

01:02:59.000 Masks the problem, Matt.

01:03:01.000 And if you understand the history of it, it masks the problem.

01:03:04.000 That's what it does.

01:03:06.000 That's all it does.

01:03:08.000 You're not getting to the reason why.

01:03:10.000 There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.

01:03:13.000 I'm saying that drugs aren't the answer.

01:03:15.000 That these drugs are very dangerous.

01:03:17.000 They're mind-altering, anti-psychotic drugs.

01:03:21.000 And there are ways of doing it without that so that we don't end up in a brave new world.

01:03:26.000 Yes, there are abuses.

01:03:27.000 And yes, maybe they've gone too far in certain areas.

01:03:30.000 Maybe there are too many kids in Riddlin.

01:03:32.000 ABC does not like anyone criticizing pharmaceuticals.

01:03:35.000 That's their bread and butter.

01:03:37.000 So this is not good for business.

01:03:39.000 The electric shock.

01:03:42.000 I'm just saying, but aren't there examples where it works?

01:03:45.000 Matt, Matt, you don't even, you're glimp.

01:03:47.000 You don't even know what Riddlin is.

01:03:49.000 If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt.

01:03:56.000 Okay?

01:03:56.000 That's what I've done.

01:03:58.000 And you go and you say, where's the medical test?

01:04:01.000 Where's the blood test that says how much Ridalin you're supposed to get?

01:04:05.000 It's very impressive to listen to you because clearly you've done the homework and you know the subject.

01:04:09.000 And you should.

01:04:10.000 And you should do that also because just knowing people who are...

01:04:13.000 Kids doing Riddlin is very disturbing to me.

01:04:17.000 You get fucking high.

01:04:19.000 Yeah.

01:04:20.000 Way more high than Coke.

01:04:22.000 I was thinking people were accusing Donald Trump.

01:04:24.000 Like Hunter Biden is drowning in crack controversy right now.

01:04:28.000 And if you look at liberal Twitter, they're like, we always knew Donald Trump, we know the junior rumors, senior is on Coke all the time.

01:04:38.000 Dude, do you know how much fucking Coke you'd have to do to be functional all day and not weird or sketched out?

01:04:46.000 So controlling your dosage perfectly, not getting wasted, and going from Trump, when Trump was president, he slept about four hours a night and not be gacked.

01:04:56.000 Bro.

01:04:57.000 And these rallies, dude, if you're doing Coke, you'd have to Re-bump in the middle of a two-hour rally for sure.

01:05:03.000 People don't understand.

01:05:04.000 Coke is only crack is like five minutes.

01:05:07.000 Coke is like 12, 15.

01:05:13.000 Then you need another bump.

01:05:15.000 And you're not a cool, coherent dude.

01:05:18.000 You're a chatterbox.

01:05:20.000 And you're not like, bye-bye.

01:05:22.000 Home to mommy.

01:05:23.000 You're like, bye-bye, home to mommy.

01:05:25.000 Okay, that guy's got to get back.

01:05:27.000 He's got to get home to mommy because I'll bet you what.

01:05:29.000 You know what?

01:05:30.000 I bet she'd like me.

01:05:33.000 I'm sure.

01:05:34.000 She probably voted for me.

01:05:35.000 So he's going to get back there and she's going to be all mad at him.

01:05:39.000 He's like, I voted for him.

01:05:40.000 He's like, fuck you, mom.

01:05:42.000 Just all over the floor.

01:05:44.000 That's what you'd be like.

01:05:44.000 Adderall, on the other hand, is just like air conditioning for the brain, and it's 12 hours of just...

01:05:56.000 You're the Terminator.

01:05:57.000 It's fucking intense.

01:06:01.000 Let's go back to...

01:06:02.000 You should be a little bit more responsible in knowing prescribing Riddle in, Tom, and I'm not asking anyone else to do it.

01:06:07.000 Well, you are, you're saying I know some people who seem to defend it.

01:06:11.000 But you're saying, but this is a very important issue.

01:06:15.000 And you know what?

01:06:16.000 And you're here on the Today Show.

01:06:18.000 Right.

01:06:18.000 And to talk about it in a way of saying, well, isn't it okay and being reasonable about it when you don't know?

01:06:24.000 And I do, I think you should be a little bit more responsive.

01:06:27.000 That was funny.

01:06:28.000 Now, the problem with Scientology is they're right to criticize psychiatry.

01:06:33.000 Is it psychology?

01:06:34.000 I never get the difference.

01:06:35.000 And all these pharmaceuticals and prescribing to the kids.

01:06:38.000 Unfortunately, their solution is the reason you're upset is because you're on your seventh life and like seven years ago, you were a knight who got raped with a fucking javelin.

01:06:51.000 So we got to get that out of you.

01:06:53.000 What?

01:06:54.000 Okay.

01:06:55.000 At least your heart was in the right place.

01:06:57.000 Okay, we're running out of time.

01:06:58.000 Let's jump to some feminism.

01:07:02.000 Who here identifies as a feminist?

01:07:05.000 We are the storm, the very form of change that the world has been waiting for.

01:07:13.000 You said I was too pretty to fight.

01:07:19.000 That's toxic masculinity if you don't realize how your behavior is hurtful.

01:07:26.000 Someone sent this in about how all women think they're badasses now.

01:07:31.000 And this is a perfect example of it.

01:07:34.000 This chef is with a giant fucking black man.

01:07:39.000 And she's cash me outside, motherfucker.

01:07:42.000 I'm going to fuck you up, bitch.

01:07:44.000 Bitch.

01:07:45.000 Which is fine on reality TV.

01:07:47.000 This is 3-0.

01:07:48.000 But you don't want to be doing that in real life.

01:07:51.000 Reality TV is fine because it's fake.

01:07:54.000 But don't do this in real life, ladies.

01:07:56.000 He can kick the shit out of you.

01:07:59.000 Don't help out when people ask help.

01:08:01.000 So if I need a liar.

01:08:02.000 You a liar.

01:08:06.000 I'm a liar.

01:08:07.000 I see how it is while you're sitting there eating lamb chops, getting sparkling water.

01:08:10.000 I'm sitting there busting shit out.

01:08:11.000 Look at my face.

01:08:12.000 Y'all judging me on something else, and it ain't got nothing to do with cooking.

01:08:15.000 Enough.

01:08:16.000 Right there.

01:08:18.000 My decision is...

01:08:19.000 Robin, come here.

01:08:21.000 Yes, Chef.

01:08:22.000 You're not ready to be my head, Chef in Bay.

01:08:24.000 All right, Chef.

01:08:25.000 I appreciate the opportunity coming back.

01:08:26.000 I don't want your jacket.

01:08:27.000 Keep hold of it.

01:08:28.000 Thank you, Chef.

01:08:30.000 I don't want to see you kids.

01:08:31.000 Thank you.

01:08:31.000 Get out of here.

01:08:32.000 Robin.

01:08:33.000 Get out of here.

01:08:34.000 Look, watch this.

01:08:35.000 Watch.

01:08:35.000 This is the part.

01:08:37.000 Keep your hat up.

01:08:38.000 Oh.

01:08:39.000 I'll see you on the street, Millie.

01:08:41.000 What?

01:08:42.000 Millie?

01:08:44.000 I'll see you on the street, Millie.

01:08:47.000 She's four feet tall.

01:08:52.000 I'd love it if they saw each other on the street.

01:08:55.000 Yo, what's up, Millie?

01:08:57.000 I told you this was going down.

01:08:59.000 He's just like...

01:09:04.000 And then there's this woman cop versus a whale I thought was funny.

01:09:09.000 It's always good to see female cops pretend that they're not a complete catastrophe.

01:09:16.000 So some nut.

01:09:17.000 It's a chick cop.

01:09:20.000 There's snow there.

01:09:21.000 Does she look scary?

01:09:22.000 This is woman on woman.

01:09:24.000 You should be able to handle it.

01:09:25.000 A totally out of shape fat pig.

01:09:29.000 Oh my god, she's a vagina folder.

01:09:34.000 Okay, she got her down.

01:09:35.000 That was good.

01:09:36.000 She's trying to touch the cop.

01:09:38.000 She can't touch a cop.

01:09:39.000 She's going to get arrested.

01:09:40.000 Oh, look at this.

01:09:40.000 Oh, my God.

01:09:42.000 Good thing you're recording.

01:09:44.000 Who's this guy?

01:09:46.000 Superman.

01:09:48.000 Look, I can't do shit.

01:09:50.000 Here, you got to tackle them.

01:09:54.000 Are you missing the dude?

01:09:55.000 Put the cops on and figure out what's going on.

01:09:58.000 All right.

01:09:59.000 Enough woman bashing for one day.

01:10:01.000 I want to say some good things about Women for a Change.

01:10:04.000 So let's go to some hard rock and green screens.

01:10:18.000 Good morning, everybody.

01:10:20.000 Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to a segment called Woman Who Rock.

01:10:32.000 By the way, I think I say the word woman annoying, Lee.

01:10:36.000 I say W-O-M-E-N, woman, so it sounds like one.

01:10:41.000 And then when I'm talking about one with A-N, I say women.

01:10:45.000 I don't know why I do that.

01:10:47.000 It might be Canadian, and I'd like to formally apologize.

01:10:50.000 That's not who I am.

01:10:52.000 It's not who we are as a network.

01:10:54.000 And we're going to do what we can to change.

01:10:57.000 We're talking to some counselors and some speech therapists about losing that annoying habit.

01:11:02.000 Anyway, dudes rock.

01:11:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:11:05.000 Everyone thinks of guitarists as dudes, and they say women can't do it because they just don't have the testosterone.

01:11:13.000 They don't have the concentration drug that is testosterone.

01:11:17.000 And that's why they suck at guitar.

01:11:18.000 That's why they always just sing like fucking Gwen Stefani.

01:11:22.000 No, that's not true.

01:11:25.000 Some of the top rockers in the world are broads.

01:11:28.000 And we opened the show with Bad Reputation, Which Joan Jett wrote herself.

01:11:31.000 But she's best known for her covers like this Diddy, I Love Rock and Roll.

01:11:37.000 She liked covering 50s and 60s classic rock and roll.

01:11:43.000 Not classic rock, but the original rock and roll.

01:11:46.000 Let me see the video in the background.

01:11:49.000 No, no, dude.

01:11:50.000 I sent you the fucking video.

01:11:51.000 There we go.

01:11:52.000 Stop, stop.

01:11:54.000 Stop.

01:11:54.000 Play the audio from this and start at the beginning.

01:11:57.000 It's playing.

01:11:59.000 No, no.

01:12:01.000 No, the very beginning, please.

01:12:08.000 So they're listening to Bad Reputation in the bar.

01:12:10.000 And I realized while researching this, she was really kind of a late 70s punk.

01:12:18.000 Like, this is punk.

01:12:20.000 Johnny Rottenoe says this was the end of punk when they went to New York and they started dressing like New Yorkers in black leather jackets and then got into heroin.

01:12:28.000 And then Sid died after Nancy was murdered by Not Him.

01:12:40.000 Listen.

01:12:40.000 I know that riff she didn't write, but listen to her play it.

01:12:54.000 Wait, is that rape?

01:13:01.000 See, she's punk.

01:13:03.000 You know that she first recorded this song with Steve Jones and Paul Cook of the Sex Pistols.

01:13:08.000 It's not even close to as good as this, but it's worth listening to because it has that Steve Jones song.

01:13:13.000 Have you got that version?

01:13:21.000 No, Ryan, I sent it to you separately.

01:13:23.000 Oh, dude, sober up.

01:13:24.000 Fuck.

01:13:27.000 It would be nice if it was in the notes or if you told me that.

01:13:31.000 Is it not in your emails?

01:13:33.000 Steve Jones and Paul Cook.

01:13:34.000 It's very bare bones.

01:13:39.000 Okay, it's coming up, folks.

01:13:40.000 Sorry about that technical difficulty.

01:13:45.000 How we doing?

01:13:48.000 Okay, moving along.

01:13:54.000 Drums sound like shit.

01:13:56.000 Sounds like a toy snare.

01:14:04.000 There they are hanging out.

01:14:06.000 There's Billy Idol.

01:14:09.000 Billy Idol and Joan Jett.

01:14:11.000 Whoa!

01:14:13.000 She was hot.

01:14:16.000 I ended up getting to fuck her.

01:14:18.000 Anyway, then there's also her cover, Crimson and Clover.

01:14:21.000 Again, another like 50s, 60s cover.

01:14:23.000 Look how cool she is.

01:14:35.000 The fox.

01:14:38.000 Crimson and Clover.

01:14:43.000 You know what?

01:14:43.000 I think on these shows like Top of the Pops, they weren't allowed to play their actual music.

01:14:47.000 So right now they're just lip-syncing and pretending to play instruments.

01:14:51.000 What do they do with the drum?

01:14:52.000 Oh, look.

01:14:53.000 I think they put felt on the drums so you don't hear anything.

01:14:58.000 Okay, so then we have, that's my kind of music.

01:15:01.000 I like rock and late 70s punk, but there's Ryan's kind of music where women dominate that too, like Melissa Etheridge.

01:15:09.000 Right?

01:15:17.000 You probably have this song memorized, right, Ryan?

01:15:20.000 No.

01:15:22.000 But when I sent Ryan these notes, he came over to my office, which is at the other end of the studio, and he leaned on my doorway and he goes, do you want to hear a song by Melissa Etheridge that really rocks?

01:15:34.000 And I go, yeah, I do.

01:15:36.000 And I guess it's like the way I do.

01:15:38.000 This is a slapper.

01:15:40.000 It's a slapper.

01:15:47.000 Women can't play guitar, huh?

01:15:49.000 Look at that.

01:15:50.000 She doesn't even look.

01:15:57.000 This is like a rocking hit.

01:15:59.000 Yeah, the band jumps in.

01:16:14.000 So even Ryan's kind of guys.

01:16:16.000 Or say you're a 1990s feminist like I was.

01:16:20.000 Ani DeFranco.

01:16:23.000 She, like, whatever you think of this particular broad, you gotta admit, the plucking.

01:16:29.000 Just so I wouldn't turn it up.

01:16:31.000 It's like Spanish guitar.

01:16:37.000 She had a pick on every finger, like claws.

01:16:45.000 Wait, what'd you do?

01:16:46.000 Go back.

01:16:50.000 She's about to get into it.

01:17:05.000 Or this, her big hit, both hands.

01:17:08.000 Both hands.

01:17:08.000 I need both hands.

01:17:10.000 Honor, don't close your eyes.

01:17:12.000 I am writing graffiti on your body.

01:17:15.000 I am writing the story of how hard we try.

01:17:20.000 Look at her go.

01:17:22.000 To see how long our swan song can last.

01:17:25.000 And both hands, now use both hands.

01:17:28.000 Oh no, don't close your eyes.

01:17:31.000 I am writing graffiti on your body.

01:17:34.000 I am drawing the story of how hard we try.

01:17:43.000 Ani and I dated for a while.

01:17:44.000 She's probably talking about our breakup.

01:17:47.000 And then, okay, some of this is corny.

01:17:50.000 A lot of baby monsters are like Joan Jett and then a bunch of shitty music.

01:17:52.000 Sleater Kinney are an incredible band, and I love watching them live.

01:17:57.000 I've seen them live a few times.

01:17:59.000 And funniest woman in The world, Carrie Brownstein.

01:18:02.000 I'll sit sometimes at their shows.

01:18:04.000 I saw them at South by Southwest once, and I was like five feet from the stage.

01:18:07.000 It was an outdoor show, and they were on the ground, so we were like in front of each other.

01:18:11.000 And I just stared at her fucking hands like she's Yingy Malmstein.

01:18:17.000 Now, this song isn't a great example of her guitar work, but you go to a Sleater Kinney show and just stare at Carrie's hands all the time, and she's just noodling away like she fucking knows how to play guitar.

01:18:29.000 I don't know this particular song.

01:18:36.000 Look how comfortable she is with her fucking axe.

01:18:45.000 Getting a little older, I think.

01:18:55.000 Like, she could be in dire straits.

01:19:09.000 And then finally, another example, chick who can rock, Linda Perry, four non-blondes.

01:19:15.000 I mean, most of us are not into pop, but you can't deny that this was a fucking slammer of a hit.

01:19:22.000 It's not really rock.

01:19:23.000 Is it rock?

01:19:29.000 Like, she just owns that guitar.

01:19:38.000 And the songwriting, too.

01:19:39.000 They say chicks can't write songs.

01:19:41.000 She wrote this.

01:19:42.000 It's called What's Up.

01:19:43.000 It's that What's Going On song.

01:19:45.000 But she also wrote Beautiful for Christina Aguilera, What Are You Waiting For for Gwen Stefani, and Get the Party Started by Pink.

01:19:54.000 All massive hits.

01:19:57.000 You know, she's...

01:19:58.000 Don't tell me that women can't rock because I've got this and a million other examples of chicks rocking on a guitar, writing songs, and basically being rock stars.

01:20:08.000 Yeah, they can rock, for sure, but you know they're all lesbians.

01:20:13.000 Perry, the other chick, Annie DeFranco.

01:20:17.000 So you think that women rock as hard as men, but the women that you picked are the closest to men.

01:20:23.000 They have the most testosterone.

01:20:24.000 And look at, like, I don't know if you...

01:20:26.000 She's got armpit hair.

01:20:28.000 Very lesbian.

01:20:30.000 Look at her chin.

01:20:31.000 It's basically a dude.

01:20:38.000 Joan Jeff, Melissa Etheridge, Joni Franco.

01:20:40.000 Carrie.

01:20:41.000 Melissa Etheridge is, I think, Mary.

01:20:42.000 Linda Perry.

01:20:43.000 Linda Perry, yeah.

01:21:04.000 No, all women who rock won't be false.

01:21:11.000 All right, let's jump right into the mailbag.

01:21:14.000 Yep.

01:21:18.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:21:22.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

01:21:28.000 Let me touch it.

01:21:32.000 Alrighty, then go down into the depths of the sea.

01:21:41.000 Raise the search bar.

01:21:47.000 Fake news by Maddie O'Bullshits.

01:21:53.000 I don't advocate that.

01:21:54.000 Maddie's a good friend.

01:21:55.000 Neither do I. The Indiana hero who killed the attempted mass shooter at the mall was not carrying it illegally.

01:22:01.000 Indiana is one of the 14 states with constitutional carry.

01:22:05.000 No permits needed to carry.

01:22:07.000 The mall has a no-gun policy, but it's not illegal.

01:22:12.000 Your readers count on the network for accuracy.

01:22:14.000 You're the only news some of us get.

01:22:16.000 That is too much of indecence.

01:22:19.000 Okay, so when a place says we do not allow guns in this mall and you walk in, you're not breaking the law.

01:22:27.000 You're just ignoring their stupid rule.

01:22:29.000 I did not know that.

01:22:31.000 Can we get a new drop of Linda doing that teehee laugh she's always doing?

01:22:35.000 I don't, did you catch it on film, Ryan?

01:22:38.000 Yes, I did.

01:22:39.000 I think it ended the episode.

01:22:41.000 I think right at the end, she throws an...

01:22:43.000 It was always like when I was talking about someone getting their head blown off.

01:22:46.000 She's got some dark humor.

01:22:48.000 Yeah, that's not humor.

01:22:49.000 That's just dark.

01:22:50.000 She's got dark.

01:22:56.000 Poopy-doopy-doo.

01:22:59.000 Cheap shot, 0.25 seconds in.

01:23:03.000 What's this now?

01:23:06.000 Oh, this is the massive brawl at Disneyland.

01:23:09.000 So there was a group of African-American people of color at Disneyland, and one of them stepped out of line to go get something, kept her friend there, wanted to come back and regain her spot.

01:23:22.000 And the other people of color decided, no, you don't deserve your spot.

01:23:26.000 You left the line.

01:23:29.000 And hilarity ensued.

01:23:32.000 But according to this guy, well, click on the link, Ryan.

01:23:35.000 That'll take us to the video.

01:23:39.000 So this is 0.25 seconds in.

01:23:41.000 That's pretty early.

01:23:49.000 I guess we missed the 0.25 seconds.

01:23:51.000 Can you make this much, much bigger?

01:23:55.000 Oh, there it is.

01:24:05.000 Yeah, I mean, Nick Mullen saying, how dare he make that stereotype?

01:24:09.000 I could get into a whole montage of black people behaving badly.

01:24:13.000 I mean, problem is that you get kind of racist after you watch it.

01:24:18.000 Nick Mullen, more like Nick Lovin.

01:24:29.000 And again, as Anthony likes to point out, it's never two people having a fight.

01:24:34.000 It's like six different fights with 15 different people.

01:24:40.000 You know, I recall a viral fight at Disneyland before, too, and some of the elements are similar.

01:24:46.000 Yeah.

01:24:47.000 Maybe the weather?

01:24:48.000 I can't really.

01:24:49.000 That's what it is.

01:24:50.000 Injustice.

01:24:58.000 What kind of pool table do you have at your house?

01:25:00.000 What kind of question is that?

01:25:03.000 A nice one.

01:25:03.000 A fancy one.

01:25:05.000 Fuck.

01:25:07.000 Linda is a vulnerable adult.

01:25:09.000 Gavin, please take this as a friendly nudge.

01:25:11.000 The whole Linda thing is a non-starter for many reasons, but most importantly, it's a matter of decency.

01:25:15.000 Please reconsider having her back on the show.

01:25:17.000 She doesn't need any further humiliation.

01:25:19.000 Not a good look for you.

01:25:21.000 Otherwise, keep on, keep it on.

01:25:23.000 Later, dude.

01:25:23.000 Uh-oh.

01:25:25.000 Someone's chastising me for my immorality.

01:25:34.000 Marty seems to know his drinks, so having bartenders, people send in super chats for him to make and or drink.

01:25:40.000 Let's put this in the suggestion box.

01:25:43.000 Maybe he can serve it to you guys.

01:25:44.000 Someone pays $100 for you to do three shots of peanut butter whiskey.

01:25:48.000 It's a win-win.

01:25:50.000 Okay, thanks for that.

01:25:51.000 We'll put that in.

01:25:52.000 Buddy, that was ours.

01:25:53.000 We will treat it with care, of course.

01:25:56.000 Gavin, can you please start quizzing Ryan on news and historical events?

01:26:00.000 I think it'll be funny to see the answers from a guy that does a news show four days a week.

01:26:06.000 Okay, Ryan, when was World War I?

01:26:08.000 World War I, I want to say it's before Prohibition, right?

01:26:13.000 Yes.

01:26:14.000 So I want to say 1917, somewhere around there, right?

01:26:22.000 1914.

01:26:24.000 And when did it go to?

01:26:26.000 I think it was maybe five years old.

01:26:30.000 I don't know.

01:26:31.000 And then when was World War II?

01:26:33.000 World War II?

01:26:34.000 That happened early 40s.

01:26:37.000 Well, you can consider America's entrance into it in the 40s, right?

01:26:40.000 But I think it was started in the late 30s, right?

01:26:44.000 And how many Russians died in World War II?

01:26:47.000 How many Russians?

01:26:48.000 A couple million?

01:26:49.000 Two million.

01:26:50.000 Two million, okay.

01:26:51.000 60 million, actually.

01:26:53.000 Wow.

01:26:56.000 That's a lot of Russians.

01:26:59.000 So here's someone else saying that no laws were broken.

01:27:03.000 This year they passed a constitutional carry law meaning you can carry concealed legally without permit or repercussions unless you have a prior existing felony.

01:27:12.000 Okay.

01:27:14.000 Just to make clear, we are not for arming everyone.

01:27:17.000 That being said, even if he was carrying concealed, it was 100% legal as of July 1st.

01:27:22.000 And this guy puts the percent sign on the wrong side of the 100.

01:27:26.000 Is that to fucking torture me?

01:27:31.000 Yeah, I think a lot of people do that now just to PUO.

01:27:37.000 Here's an important chart someone has sent us, putting the ass-man-boob man debate to rest.

01:27:42.000 So child seeking nourishment wants boobies.

01:27:46.000 Then as he gets older, healthy development, alpha seeking fertile wife, he sees a big ass and goes, damn, she could birth so many sons.

01:27:55.000 Stunted development equals beta man child stuck seeking nourishment, booba, booba, booba.

01:28:01.000 Well, I'm inclined to agree with that, but I'm obviously biased because I'm an ass man.

01:28:08.000 Yeah, me too, man.

01:28:10.000 Pound it.

01:28:13.000 Thanks.

01:28:14.000 Ryan, dude, your fucking mini Afro bangs in your fucking eyes.

01:28:19.000 That shit gotta go.

01:28:22.000 I don't know what a tween is, but that's what I think you look like with that haircut.

01:28:27.000 I can't believe I'm telling a man to wear a ponytail, but pull it back and do the ponytail thing at least.

01:28:33.000 Your Japanese-ness makes it look kind of cool, at least, like the samurai type look.

01:28:38.000 Or just get a fucking normal haircut for fuck's sakes.

01:28:40.000 Now, I totally agree that people like that aren't Japanese or aren't Asian can't pull it off, but it's a very Japanese look.

01:28:47.000 Look at Hideo Kajima.

01:28:49.000 I mean, that guy's great.

01:28:51.000 And he's got long hair like that.

01:28:53.000 And his hair's in his eyes?

01:28:54.000 Yep.

01:28:55.000 Well, then he's a retard.

01:28:57.000 And then, you know, if you look at Charles Bronson, great guy.

01:29:00.000 Look at this hair.

01:29:01.000 Very similar to mine.

01:29:03.000 No, it's not in his eyes, dude.

01:29:05.000 It is.

01:29:06.000 Literally.

01:29:07.000 No, it's literally not.

01:29:08.000 Well, mine's a little longer.

01:29:10.000 That's what makes me me, man.

01:29:12.000 Yeah, no, that's what makes it annoying that it's in your eyes.

01:29:15.000 Be annoyed.

01:29:15.000 It's America.

01:29:16.000 You're allowed to be annoyed.

01:29:17.000 I'm allowed to put my hair in my face.

01:29:18.000 Oh, I know I'm allowed to be annoyed.

01:29:20.000 You made me really good at it.

01:29:24.000 As a slingshot aficionado, I came across these and can't stop watching.

01:29:27.000 They don't pass out a lot, but they are as terrified as can be.

01:29:31.000 Apologies if you've covered it and I missed it.

01:29:33.000 Okay, I can't imagine a slingshot video I haven't seen.

01:29:36.000 Oh, this is a new one.

01:29:38.000 I love you too.

01:29:40.000 I don't suppose you propose.

01:29:41.000 Yeah, the message is done to that one.

01:29:44.000 Alright, you've got any last words?

01:29:47.000 Your audience.

01:29:51.000 We're going to lift you up.

01:29:56.000 Just push me.

01:29:57.000 Three, two, one.

01:30:00.000 Your audience.

01:30:02.000 Before you go up, I've got to ask you a question.

01:30:05.000 Is that something I've been mean to ask?

01:30:09.000 Will you marry me?

01:30:11.000 No, shove.

01:30:16.000 Should have kissed her until it pushed her off.

01:30:18.000 Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

01:30:22.000 I don't like that, by the way.

01:30:24.000 Yeah, no, that's not.

01:30:25.000 Will you marry me?

01:30:26.000 Yes.

01:30:26.000 And then extreme terror.

01:30:28.000 Like, that's not a good message.

01:30:30.000 I don't even like, I didn't get down on one knee.

01:30:32.000 I don't like the message that sense.

01:30:34.000 I stood tall.

01:30:35.000 I'm dominating this relationship.

01:30:37.000 Will you marry me?

01:30:39.000 And then, of course, when she said no, I started crying.

01:30:43.000 So that was a waste of time.

01:30:44.000 Those are gay and boring.

01:30:48.000 You want to go skydiving?

01:30:50.000 No.

01:30:51.000 What if we do it for the show?

01:30:52.000 Like, raise money for...

01:30:54.000 Yeah, why don't you do it for the show?

01:30:56.000 I would have fun with it, so that's probably why it won't be so fun.

01:30:58.000 Okay.

01:31:00.000 I've done it once.

01:31:01.000 It's crazy.

01:31:04.000 All right, last one: Drag Queen Story Hour.

01:31:07.000 What's up, boys?

01:31:07.000 I think you need to focus more on the loser parents that bring their kids to Drag Queen Story Hours.

01:31:10.000 We can all agree that Drag Queens are gay, but the parents that would support these story hours are turbo gay.

01:31:15.000 If no one ever attended these shit shows, they die a natural death.

01:31:19.000 Yeah, good point.

01:31:22.000 Okay, let's get to the final videos.

01:31:45.000 Let's start with 6-1.

01:31:47.000 I've always told people, like guys, when they go, I had to break up with her.

01:31:51.000 She's crazy.

01:31:51.000 I like crazy.

01:31:53.000 But one thing about crazy is your life is constantly in danger and she might stab you.

01:31:59.000 But the sex is awesome and it's never boring.

01:32:01.000 And yeah, a lot of plates get smashed.

01:32:05.000 A lot of clothes get thrown out the window.

01:32:07.000 If you are in a relationship with a crazy bitch, just make sure there's no sharp knives around and never go on the balcony, especially if she's plump.

01:32:17.000 If you go on a balcony with a plumper, it can turn out real bad, especially if the construction is in Moscow where they're not known for their details or their reliability.

01:32:36.000 That poor bench.

01:32:38.000 They're fine, by the way.

01:32:39.000 I wouldn't show you this if they weren't fine.

01:32:41.000 That's quite a fall, isn't it?

01:32:44.000 Ow.

01:32:44.000 That must be one of those things where when you're drunk, you don't get damaged.

01:32:49.000 Oh, shit.

01:32:54.000 So that was fun.

01:32:56.000 But I wanted to end the show today with a snuff film of a man dying in Israel because I'm a Nazi.

01:33:04.000 Oh, just kidding.

01:33:07.000 I wanted to end the show with this because you never know when you're going to go.

01:33:12.000 And you really got to treat every day like your last.

01:33:15.000 Get off your phone.

01:33:16.000 Now I'm like Chelsea Handler.

01:33:18.000 I'm talking to myself as I talk to you.

01:33:21.000 Get off your phone.

01:33:22.000 Enjoy this weekend.

01:33:24.000 Enjoy your kids.

01:33:24.000 Enjoy your girlfriend.

01:33:25.000 If you don't have kids, enjoy your last days without kids.

01:33:31.000 And go do something you can't do with kids.

01:33:34.000 Get away from that fucking TV.

01:33:35.000 Get away from Netflix.

01:33:36.000 Get away from your video games.

01:33:39.000 You've been blessed.

01:33:39.000 It's summertime.

01:33:40.000 It's white boy summer.

01:33:43.000 It's time to have fun because you could be gone tomorrow.

01:33:49.000 And if you haven't lived a full life, you've kind of betrayed God.

01:33:53.000 He gave you this gift of life.

01:33:55.000 And to squander it is blasphemous.

01:33:59.000 So just try.

01:34:01.000 Just try to get out there.

01:34:02.000 Just try something new.

01:34:05.000 Because this could happen to you.

01:34:08.000 This is a sinkhole opening up in a random pool.

01:34:12.000 And it killed a guy.

01:34:13.000 Now, I don't want you saying, Kevin, you said go out.

01:34:15.000 And this guy went out and he died.

01:34:17.000 Yes, that's part of life.

01:34:18.000 Risk is part of life.

01:34:20.000 You know what's not part of life?

01:34:21.000 Being alone with a martini and going through some paperwork.

01:34:26.000 Or getting stoned at home alone and watching 10 hours of storage wars.

01:34:31.000 That's sad.

01:34:34.000 Okay, roll the tape.

01:34:38.000 Look at this thing.

01:34:40.000 And it must just keep going.

01:34:42.000 Because it sucks all the water out of the pump.

01:34:48.000 Look, it's sucking so hard the toys are going down with it.

01:34:51.000 There's a man in there.

01:34:54.000 What a fucking nightmare way to die.

01:34:56.000 Cut the fucking music, DJ.

01:34:58.000 Geez.

01:35:00.000 Can't you throw him a rope?

01:35:05.000 And you're scared, dig, like, what are you going to do?

01:35:07.000 Look at people just wandering by.

01:35:08.000 Cut the net and put half the net in there.

01:35:10.000 Yeah, that's a good idea.

01:35:14.000 Nobody?

01:35:17.000 It's weird how people are just sort of sitting on the edge like nothing's going on.

01:35:22.000 I'd be worried about it expanding.

01:35:24.000 Right, yeah.

01:35:28.000 Anyway, folks, I know that seems like a bummer way to end the show, but it's kind of a blessing because for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.

01:35:37.000 And for every death, there's a reminder to the rest of us that we're very lucky to be here.

01:35:44.000 So let's grab the bull by the horns this weekend, carpe diem, and try to have maximum fun.

01:35:49.000 All of these censors, all of these cancelers, all of this rhetoric about America being an evil, racist, sexist, transphobic hellhole, it's all designed to take away your fun.

01:36:01.000 And don't let them do that to you.

01:36:03.000 You're allowed to have exactly as much fun as you want to have.

01:36:07.000 So be adventurous this weekend.

01:36:09.000 I want to hear about it next week when we check in with you.

01:36:13.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 22, 2022

S4E145 - WOMEN WHO ROCK

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript