Impaulsive with Logan Paul - E182 Logan Paul is a Simp, The Best Way to Die, Kidnapping Monkeys - IMPAULSIVE EP. 182

00:00:00.260 Breaking story from Alpine News Network.

00:00:03.160 John had a brilliant idea for a startup, turned children's artwork into toys.

00:00:07.160 He called Alpine Credits for a home equity loan.

00:00:09.680 His loan was approved and a superhero was sent over to assist John with his business needs.

00:00:14.520 Her superpower isn't just home equity loans, it's helping people realize their dreams. 0.85

00:00:19.780 She can also run so fast her shoes melt. 0.76

00:00:22.960 Own your home, need a loan? Alpine Credits can help. 0.91

00:00:26.800 Alpine Credits, where homeowners get approved.

00:00:30.480 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

00:00:33.060 We have a new podcast.

00:00:34.480 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

00:00:35.860 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

00:00:37.020 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

00:00:40.980 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one,

00:00:43.360 which means we have wildly different references,

00:00:45.600 occasionally different opinions.

00:00:46.920 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

00:00:49.700 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes,

00:00:52.720 Good Taste is my business.

00:00:54.900 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:00:57.800 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:00.000 Hi, this is Kylie Brakeman, Angela Jaritana, Jeremy Culhane, Patrick McDonald, and we're the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists podcast.

00:01:09.760 The Improvised Character Comedy podcast, where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft.

00:01:15.600 Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants.

00:01:18.680 And we do a little Halloween sometimes.

00:01:20.900 Does the Pope dress up?

00:01:22.240 He winks on Halloween.

00:01:24.500 He gets right up next to the microphone.

00:01:26.240 I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other.

00:01:29.140 You've never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween.

00:01:34.660 Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:42.140 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast,

00:01:47.800 the true crime comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it.

00:01:52.180 Each week I bring on an amazing guest.

00:01:54.080 Ooh, I scammed them.

00:01:55.260 What?

00:01:55.720 I could talk to you for an hour.

00:01:57.120 You're a generational yapper, like me.

00:01:59.140 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

00:02:01.280 And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

00:02:04.480 Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:02:10.480 Scam Goddess! 1.00

00:02:12.400 Simp for your f***ing girls. 1.00

00:02:13.580 No, no, no. 1.00

00:02:14.420 See, I gotta cut you off. 0.99

00:02:15.900 I gotta cut you off.

00:02:16.340 No, no, because you're making this hard for the rest of us, Mike.

00:02:18.780 You're making this hard for all of us, Mike.

00:02:20.000 No breakfast in bed?

00:02:20.840 What? 1.00

00:02:21.560 No breakfast in bed for your girl? 1.00

00:02:22.700 You won't bring her breakfast in bed?

00:02:24.000 Mike, Mike, let me ask you a question.

00:02:25.760 Are you making her breakfast in bed?

00:02:27.580 or is Chef Katie 1.00

00:02:28.260 making her breakfast in bed

00:02:29.100 and you're walking

00:02:29.600 from downstairs to upstairs

00:02:30.700 because I'll do that.

00:02:31.700 I will do that. 1.00

00:02:38.940 Yo, are you fucking, 1.00

00:02:40.160 have you ever noticed 1.00

00:02:40.920 that Evan is the fucking bully 1.00

00:02:42.520 in the house? 1.00

00:02:42.620 He's the biggest bully 0.98

00:02:43.360 in the house. 0.99

00:02:44.560 Hands out.

00:02:45.420 David said he had two.

00:02:46.920 It's funny because

00:02:48.000 everybody felt bad with him

00:02:49.540 after that episode

00:02:50.600 that he did

00:02:51.500 which by the way

00:02:52.080 is the number one

00:02:53.520 most viewed episode.

00:02:55.580 Congratulations, Evan.

00:02:56.320 In impulsive history, he has surpassed Riley Reid, the great deep-throating of the mic,

00:03:01.000 to become the most viewed impulsive episode of all time. 0.85

00:03:02.940 Yeah, I didn't have to suck the mic to get number one.

00:03:07.380 That's a good point. 0.95

00:03:08.300 Hey, why do you bully all of us?

00:03:10.700 Yo, yo, yo, Danny, you just saw this.

00:03:13.220 Sorry, I know I asked you a question and then completely interrupted you,

00:03:15.700 but just to reiterate the bully thing, I was climbing up the stairs,

00:03:20.580 and Evan goes to kick me.

00:03:21.700 Oh, here we go.

00:03:22.320 This happened five minutes ago. 0.99

00:03:23.440 Evan goes to kick me, and my knee was in the perfect position to just fuck him up. 0.99

00:03:28.380 It was like a counterattack, like a parry almost. 0.99

00:03:31.140 And then he got hurt.

00:03:32.560 But yeah, why you bully us?

00:03:34.020 It's just as a sign of, like, to show who's the alpha.

00:03:38.300 Like, you got to show dominance, you know?

00:03:40.100 And it's like, you got a 6'2 guy walking around muscular.

00:03:42.700 You got a 4'2 guy walking around.

00:03:44.320 It's like, who's the dominant? 1.00

00:03:45.740 It's like the jail thing where you go to jail, you find the biggest motherfucker in the place who beat his ass. 1.00

00:03:50.680 Exactly. 1.00

00:03:50.880 Nice, nice, nice.

00:03:51.860 Thanks for joining us on this episode of Impulsive

00:03:54.880 Number one podcast in the world

00:03:57.100 Guys, we're back

00:03:58.020 Show your dominance, final message from Evan

00:04:01.240 Love you bro

00:04:02.160 Hit that subscribe button, it's all good

00:04:04.240 Quarantine, it's going

00:04:06.680 Still going

00:04:08.140 I'm kind of over it to be honest

00:04:09.780 It's getting old

00:04:10.980 I have a feeling that because it's sunny

00:04:14.640 And because it's summer

00:04:15.520 I have a theory that more and more kids are rebelling

00:04:18.720 And sneaking out at night

00:04:20.200 Getting together in groups

00:04:21.640 in their cars, or at least

00:04:23.540 parking their cars in a circle and standing

00:04:25.720 on top of it, and then yelling

00:04:27.380 like they have a town hall, and they're like, 1.00

00:04:29.400 this is bullshit. We don't need to listen 1.00

00:04:31.680 to this. This is not called a theory. This is actually

00:04:33.800 called a scientific truth. It's happening, right?

00:04:36.020 It's already happened. Yeah, I mean, you saw,

00:04:37.740 did you guys see Huntington Beach this past weekend?

00:04:40.060 Oh, it's loaded up.

00:04:41.420 The bioluminescence, is that why?

00:04:43.440 Not that. Thousands of people,

00:04:46.000 thousands of people went down and said,

00:04:48.100 we know more freedom, freedom,

00:04:49.880 freedom. We want freedom.

00:04:51.640 Because at what point would you, like, what's the level where you want to live your life, but also stay safe?

00:05:00.600 At what point is it like, okay, I'd rather die than be trapped in my house at all times?

00:05:05.920 I don't think we know yet.

00:05:07.840 We've got to find the rebellious ones.

00:05:09.540 We talked about this a couple episodes ago.

00:05:12.280 And I think I probably, once again, dramatically overstated one side of the argument. 0.95

00:05:17.320 The argument from the other side is that the chance of you getting coronavirus at this point and then infecting someone else or having some sort of major malfunction as a result of it is so fucking low.

00:05:29.340 But the unemployment is so fucking high that the long term risk to the economy and the long term risk to the livelihood of this entire nation is seriously at risk right now.

00:05:40.460 And it's down a single digit, like percentage point chances of you getting.

00:05:45.060 Do we have updated numbers?

00:05:46.460 When's the last time anyone saw like

00:05:48.040 I can pull it out

00:05:49.020 However however

00:05:50.480 It's like

00:05:51.120 It's like

00:05:51.800 Yo you're running a marathon

00:05:53.120 Right

00:05:53.720 Those last couple miles

00:05:55.220 Are the most important

00:05:55.900 If you

00:05:56.600 Like stay hunkered down

00:05:58.420 Trust

00:05:58.980 Trust

00:05:59.720 Just follow instructions

00:06:00.720 For this next little bit at a time

00:06:02.380 So right

00:06:02.880 Play it safe

00:06:03.420 Because I'm telling you 0.99

00:06:04.640 If we fuck up 0.99

00:06:05.500 And we make a mistake 0.99

00:06:06.160 This time around

00:06:07.060 Like the next quarantine

00:06:07.980 Will be a year

00:06:09.240 And then our economy 0.99

00:06:10.180 Will be exponentially more fucked 0.99

00:06:11.920 Than it will 0.99

00:06:12.260 If we just follow through

00:06:13.760 Round and third right now

00:06:15.520 And stay

00:06:15.960 stay on the course uh they were they were uh pushing on the cops at a at a city hall i can't

00:06:21.860 remember which one it was but um somebody made a comment that was like these are the same people

00:06:27.560 that are all about blue lives matter are they wearing masks no they they were bro blue lives

00:06:34.540 blue lives do matter they matter incredibly and there's there's some swimming around in the ocean

00:06:38.780 some of the waves in la right now venice santa monica southern california i don't know if you

00:06:43.840 guys have seen this the waves are glowing blue this stuff's crazy i went last night now now now

00:06:49.200 why does this wait what yeah oh you went you did you went with andre yeah oh you did yeah it was

00:06:55.440 beautiful what you did yeah and it was the coolest thing i've ever seen the waves crash and it wasn't

00:07:00.000 it wasn't like that i mean these pictures are going to be boosted up a little bit i have to imagine

00:07:03.480 um the one with the guy surfing on it that's like the legendary blue waves but last night i mean it

00:07:09.400 It was cool, man.

00:07:09.880 It would crash in the white frothy part that comes after a wave.

00:07:14.300 Why does it happen?

00:07:16.060 Something about the cyanobacteria getting excited and releasing light.

00:07:21.360 Oh, just pumped to be swimming in the ocean?

00:07:22.900 It's like, yeah, man.

00:07:24.120 Someone wants me to be here.

00:07:25.520 With each wave.

00:07:26.460 It's like lightning bugs of the sea.

00:07:29.100 It's like the lightning bugs of the sea I said just now.

00:07:32.120 That was good both the first and second time.

00:07:34.120 As you know, I'm not big on getting mad at people for repeating themselves.

00:07:37.600 uh you know what i was doing last night why i didn't come with you guys i was gonna go with

00:07:42.540 amara from yes theory my guy amara amara not your girlfriend god better not be traveling with her

00:07:48.140 i said amara from yes theory not amara from porn hub that but i was gonna go with them to go check

00:07:53.960 out the waves and uh we're driving in the sprinter van this is crazy this is crazy this is a crazy 0.96

00:07:59.120 story driving in the sprinter van i hear oh shit it was that loud oh yeah who's driving big thud 0.88

00:08:05.380 Milton right so finally 0.97

00:08:07.400 I'm like I hear a thought I hear 0.99

00:08:09.380 Milton say oh shit I'm like this is it 0.99

00:08:11.220 this it's my fault 1.00

00:08:13.100 he's finally hit a kid a young child

00:08:15.380 a deer something in the road

00:08:17.440 a cow and I'm like

00:08:19.540 I'm like Milton pull over pull over what'd you hit

00:08:21.340 what'd you hit he's like I don't know something hit my windshield

00:08:23.160 it looks like a bird I'm like okay

00:08:25.200 so I'm like we gotta do something

00:08:27.420 right I'm paranoid in my mind I'm like Milton pull over

00:08:29.580 what'd you hit he's like I don't know so

00:08:31.220 I'm like well we gotta go look because

00:08:33.200 Because if we hit an animal, we've got to do one of two things.

00:08:36.420 We either have to put it out of its misery or see if it's still alive.

00:08:39.680 And in that case, we've got to save it.

00:08:41.480 Because the thing flew into our windshield.

00:08:43.580 We've got to take responsibility.

00:08:45.220 And sure, we could have driven off.

00:08:47.160 Wasn't that type of vibe.

00:08:48.880 Open the door, walking up the street, 50 feet, 100 feet, nothing.

00:08:51.660 About to turn around.

00:08:52.540 We're trying to do the math, like where he hit it.

00:08:54.180 Maybe it's dark.

00:08:55.740 It's on a windy road going uphill around a corner at night with two feet of space on the side.

00:09:02.580 So it's dangerous

00:09:03.720 And so I walk a little bit

00:09:05.300 And I'm shining my light

00:09:06.280 And all of a sudden

00:09:06.700 I see a body

00:09:07.480 I see a body

00:09:09.340 I look closer

00:09:09.900 It's a winged body

00:09:10.720 I'm like no

00:09:11.500 No no no

00:09:12.700 Not a flocked creature

00:09:13.820 Batman

00:09:14.500 Flashlight on it 1.00

00:09:15.940 It's fucking Batman 1.00

00:09:17.140 We hit Batman 1.00

00:09:18.380 That's fucking unbelievable 0.99

00:09:19.360 Yeah 1.00

00:09:19.760 No no no 1.00

00:09:21.520 It's a fucking owl 1.00

00:09:22.680 It's what appears to be 1.00

00:09:24.540 A baby owl

00:09:25.580 And dude

00:09:26.060 This thing is just like

00:09:26.860 Kind of perched up

00:09:27.640 Big ol' yellow eyes

00:09:29.280 Just looking at me like

00:09:30.100 What have you done?

00:09:31.640 I'm like

00:09:32.160 it wasn't me it was my boxing coach please i didn't hit that bird the bird hit me i didn't

00:09:37.560 hit nothing well he well he is right dude like he felt bad but also like we didn't hit the bird it 0.92

00:09:42.560 just was an unfortunate i go yo you hit a fucking owl mill and that is so unfortunate it's such a 0.96

00:09:47.360 pretty bird and eve is there dave's girl she's freaking out she's like it's dying and big old 0.97

00:09:52.940 heavy breaths in his chest i'm like no bro and and i will say again this is something i only say

00:10:00.340 on impulsive we were vlogging it now i'm extra sensitive with anytime something dying or anything

00:10:06.680 to do with death is appearing on camera so again i was high we were i don't say we're vlogging it

00:10:12.600 we were filming and recording and so i'm like tentative whether or not that's even okay or

00:10:16.480 loud or like who like i don't even know so that's in the back of my mind but i take a closer look

00:10:21.580 at this thing and i'm like after two minutes i i come to the conclusion that i don't think it's

00:10:26.520 dying i think i think it may just be concussed dazed confused just got just got whammed by a

00:10:31.920 mercedes sprinter van and so and so we we devise a plan uh to pick it up gloves on take to the van

00:10:40.880 keep it calm and collected uh instead of around a bend or vulnerable to animals and call animal

00:10:46.300 control sunday night 10 p.m during a global pandemic do you know how many animal controls

00:10:50.540 are open do you know how many wildlife centers are zero and you called a bunch but eventually

00:10:53.580 So you did throw in the towel, towel, towel.

00:10:59.560 I'll be here.

00:11:00.460 That was good.

00:11:02.060 One point.

00:11:03.080 All right, go ahead, go ahead.

00:11:03.860 We called a bunch of animal control.

00:11:04.980 Nothing, dude, nothing.

00:11:06.060 It starts moving around a little bit.

00:11:07.160 I'm like, okay, it could be good.

00:11:08.720 So we pull over.

00:11:09.620 I set it down.

00:11:10.280 It's not good.

00:11:10.940 It was just like instincts must have scared it a little bit, moved in my hand.

00:11:13.680 It doesn't fly away. 0.99

00:11:14.280 I'm like, shit, we got to take it home. 0.99

00:11:15.560 I'm a bird owner. 0.99

00:11:16.320 I know how to treat wing creatures.

00:11:18.080 So we come home.

00:11:19.180 we put it in a cage and there is a a pet a baby owl in my house wrapped in a towel wrapped in a

00:11:25.940 towel so i'm like all right dude this is this has happened before with the duckling does i remember

00:11:30.220 that huck the duck who stumbled in our yard that was way back way back when we saved its life

00:11:34.920 dropped it off the animal something about we hurt birds no i'm joking i'm joking hurt birds find us

00:11:41.980 okay or if they're not they get hurt so we can find them like this owl who threw itself in front

00:11:47.660 of the bus do you one more a big question about last night do you ever think that timing is so

00:11:56.120 important and like say milton like was a better driver of the sprinter van he would have took a

00:12:01.040 corner a little bit faster and he would have been past that point before that now you're talking

00:12:04.920 about the butterfly effect okay exactly whatever you were doing beforehand could you have done it

00:12:09.200 differently so that you got past that past fast that part faster you know i'm saying yeah yeah

00:12:13.080 Who knows?

00:12:13.400 But yeah, we called a couple places this morning.

00:12:16.560 California Wildlife Center was the place we ended up dropping the little owl off at.

00:12:21.400 I named him Hoot because I was Hoot.

00:12:24.300 He's a screech owl.

00:12:25.460 He's a screech owl.

00:12:26.460 Turns out that they're not endangered.

00:12:29.420 Population increasing, which is good.

00:12:31.480 And he's actually an adult.

00:12:33.940 He's not a baby.

00:12:34.580 They're just apparently little owls.

00:12:36.240 So hopefully he's good to go.

00:12:37.640 But it's crazy just seeing like, have you seen an owl in real life?

00:12:41.300 like maybe a couple

00:12:41.960 a few right

00:12:42.840 rare

00:12:43.280 bro

00:12:43.780 just this vulnerable

00:12:45.040 little creature

00:12:45.640 I got a soft heart

00:12:47.180 for animals

00:12:47.720 especially the winged ones

00:12:49.460 cause I got my little sir

00:12:50.740 and the maverick

00:12:51.960 and the

00:12:52.800 yeah sir

00:12:53.400 sorry right here

00:12:54.160 to my right

00:12:54.800 did they say what

00:12:55.740 they're gonna do with the owl

00:12:56.320 no bro

00:12:57.420 cause they're understaffed

00:12:58.720 they're incredibly understaffed

00:12:59.820 and apparently the vet

00:13:00.520 won't be until later this week

00:13:01.760 which isn't great

00:13:03.000 and I asked

00:13:03.420 I was like

00:13:03.700 can we

00:13:03.900 can you keep us updated 0.97

00:13:05.420 and she's like

00:13:05.860 we'll try our best

00:13:06.500 you know

00:13:06.760 like

00:13:07.160 this is a tough time

00:13:09.460 to hit an owl

00:13:11.020 and have it rehabilitated

00:13:12.400 because everyone's on lockdown.

00:13:16.080 Bro, we had to drop the animal off.

00:13:18.800 Almost like you're returning a book to a library.

00:13:20.680 Drop it off, walk away, watch the vet.

00:13:23.020 She takes him in.

00:13:24.040 It was interesting.

00:13:25.740 But that's what I did last night. 1.00

00:13:28.020 That shit was crazy. 1.00

00:13:29.680 Watching him rehabilitate an owl. 1.00

00:13:31.920 What do you do for a concussed owl?

00:13:34.640 Is it the same as a human?

00:13:36.220 Yeah, let it rest.

00:13:37.140 You do what you did, dude.

00:13:38.800 Whoa.

00:13:39.240 abrupt cut

00:13:40.500 I get it

00:13:41.300 I'm wearing a different outfit

00:13:42.660 you guys guessed it

00:13:43.700 we got a sponsor 0.98

00:13:44.620 if you love sex 0.92

00:13:45.860 you love bluechew.com 0.99

00:13:47.540 bluechew.com

00:13:48.860 you can get the first chewables

00:13:49.840 with the active ingredients

00:13:50.820 still dead in a law fill

00:13:51.740 or title law fill

00:13:52.800 same ingredients

00:13:53.920 active in Viagra and Cialis

00:13:55.840 one of these days

00:13:56.840 I will say those right

00:13:57.880 I just need some practice

00:13:59.260 chewables can work faster

00:14:00.740 than pills

00:14:01.360 they can be taken on a full

00:14:02.600 or empty stomach

00:14:03.400 and it only takes a few minutes

00:14:04.340 to connect with the

00:14:04.820 bluechew.com

00:14:05.360 affiliated physician

00:14:06.020 and if you qualify

00:14:06.920 you get prescribed

00:14:07.660 online quickly

00:14:08.660 no in-person doctor visit, no awkward conversation,

00:14:10.860 no waiting in line at a pharmacy, and they ship

00:14:12.600 directly to your door in a discreet package.

00:14:14.780 They're made in the USA, and they give you confidence in bed

00:14:16.860 every single time. You and your partner

00:14:18.740 will love it. Chew it and

00:14:20.660 do it. I got a great deal for you guys. Go to BlueChew.com

00:14:22.840 and get your first order free when you use the promo code

00:14:24.780 LOGAN. Just pay $5 shipping.

00:14:26.920 It's B-L-U-E-Chew.com, promo

00:14:28.660 code LOGAN. Alright, back

00:14:30.780 to the bod.

00:14:32.520 But I came home. Yo, I came home last night, and you were

00:14:34.720 with Amara. You got that book coming out this

00:14:36.680 week well yeah by the time this is out it'll already have come out yeah and uh how's it how's

00:14:44.540 it doing like it's doing great yeah hundred almost a hundred thousand copies oh my god have sold in

00:14:50.240 the past two days i know it's wild uh i came home do they know that we're filming this briar no now

00:14:55.480 they do yeah yeah we filmed this on what day is it whatever whatever day it is monday and so the

00:15:01.580 book hasn't come out yet but i'm manifesting good good good into the good ether it's it's good it's

00:15:07.700 cool to see you you and amara uh continue to develop is from a relationship standpoint and

00:15:14.060 i came home yesterday and she said she comes to you and she said babe there's something wet in my

00:15:18.680 pants and i overheard it i'm and what what was wet in her pants what was it again i don't know 0.91

00:15:28.180 Why would 1.00

00:15:29.900 What was it again

00:15:32.700 I can't remember what it was now

00:15:33.820 I'm just thinking even like if I was in a relationship

00:15:35.900 Oh wait I am

00:15:37.800 We're in hot water here folks

00:15:41.540 Well I'm just thinking in my relationship

00:15:43.900 I'm just

00:15:45.140 I'm warming up guys

00:15:46.360 I'm like a

00:15:47.480 Retired athlete who's coming back to the game

00:15:51.560 It was a long weekend

00:15:52.620 It's gonna take me a little bit

00:15:53.740 But I probably wouldn't say

00:15:56.360 yo babe

00:15:57.560 there's something wet

00:15:58.280 in my pants

00:15:58.800 I probably just

00:15:59.660 handled it

00:16:00.060 I don't know

00:16:01.500 what it was

00:16:01.960 I can't remember

00:16:02.500 what it was now

00:16:03.440 I have no idea

00:16:05.600 it's such an awkward

00:16:06.240 moment to not know

00:16:07.180 what was wet 0.99

00:16:07.680 in your girlfriend's pants

00:16:08.340 can you just make 0.99

00:16:08.640 something up

00:16:09.080 I think it was

00:16:09.660 old cottage cheese

00:16:11.820 can I ask you something

00:16:12.660 why am I sweating

00:16:13.440 I'm hot

00:16:14.100 so much

00:16:14.680 it just got so hot

00:16:16.420 episode one 0.53

00:16:20.600 new sex versus

00:16:21.520 no it is hot 0.98

00:16:22.380 I told Mike

00:16:24.380 no joke

00:16:24.840 I was like

00:16:25.380 Mike what happens

00:16:26.240 tomorrow when we do your awesome uh podcast you just start sweating and have to walk off wait i

00:16:31.240 actually have the clip pulled up here like literally ready to go should we just yeah all

00:16:36.640 right look at you this is it's sort of a taboo topic right it's it's okay five minutes dude i'm

00:16:44.060 like like five seconds i'm so hot right now just having like a little it are you having a mental

00:16:49.740 Yeah, I think so.

00:16:50.600 Just got like 30 seconds.

00:16:51.680 Yeah, go ahead.

00:16:54.240 I think Mike needs to go back to you.

00:16:57.860 Mac, have you ever seen that before?

00:17:00.000 It's so funny because sometimes I'm really hot.

00:17:04.860 So that was like one of the last shows I decided to wear a hoodie on

00:17:07.280 because now I try to stay cool.

00:17:08.620 I run so hot.

00:17:09.920 But also it's just my nerves, my anxiety,

00:17:12.140 the damage I've done from years of drug abuse.

00:17:14.340 But luckily, the team here knows exactly how to handle it.

00:17:17.980 If they see one little bead of sweat, they stop the show and they say, hey, man, can

00:17:21.940 I ask you a question?

00:17:22.500 Why are you sweating right now?

00:17:23.580 And then you say, I'm really hot right now.

00:17:26.440 And everybody else would be cool with it.

00:17:27.820 And Danny goes, it's not that hot.

00:17:29.900 It's like 40 in here.

00:17:31.300 It's a refrigerator.

00:17:32.160 Who are you lying to? 1.00

00:17:33.240 You drug addicted, mental illness patient. 1.00

00:17:35.420 And I'm just like, all right, time to go. 0.99

00:17:37.380 That was funny.

00:17:39.020 So before, here's the main thing that I've noticed.

00:17:42.560 My sweating on this show is completely related to working out before the show.

00:17:47.320 if i work out before this show i sweat on the show you do you do too sometimes i see it gather

00:17:54.720 right here why i don't work out before the show that's why i stopped working out completely

00:17:57.920 i'm being honest no other i'm being honest i had no other time today because we had to do this

00:18:02.760 episode then the book episode and then the night shift three in a row so it's like i have to work 0.95

00:18:07.400 out now but if i do it i will sweat and now i'm fucking sweating and i'm fucking pissed yeah dude 0.99

00:18:11.740 yeah no no the workouts do that to you damn it i'm so stupid full transparency guys i've 0.99

00:18:17.380 pretty much completely stopped working out in quarantine like it's embarrassing but here's 0.99

00:18:23.160 the problem i still look good which is like a false sense of uh hope for me like i should still

00:18:27.320 be working out for my mental health everything you got a lot of bulk a lot to lose you know as

00:18:31.700 far as bulk goes but now you're just like cutting down yeah which is good i like being skinny i

00:18:35.640 don't like i don't like being bulky dude i really don't but uh yeah dude when i when i when i sweat

00:18:40.780 it kind of

00:18:41.180 or workout 0.98

00:18:41.800 it kind of fucks my 0.97

00:18:42.720 I'm hot for the rest of the day 0.99

00:18:44.060 that's how I feel right now

00:18:45.120 and I'm pissed

00:18:45.640 and by the way 0.96

00:18:46.260 that you'll be skinny

00:18:47.480 no matter what

00:18:48.200 you don't work out

00:18:49.200 you eat whatever you want

00:18:50.580 you're still skinny

00:18:51.220 that's gonna stop

00:18:52.180 I know 0.98

00:18:52.620 I'm telling you right fucking now 0.97

00:18:53.660 it's gonna stop 0.99

00:18:54.120 I believe you

00:18:54.740 because you wanna know what happens

00:18:55.660 if I eat clean

00:18:57.120 for an entire week

00:18:58.200 or if I don't eat anything

00:18:59.260 I just drink water

00:18:59.960 but then I eat one french fry

00:19:01.420 from McDonald's

00:19:02.340 just one french fry

00:19:03.360 I'm fat for the next week

00:19:05.140 I go back

00:19:05.560 I literally watch you

00:19:06.600 and your girlfriend

00:19:07.200 eat one french fry 1.00

00:19:08.800 every single night

00:19:09.840 I had to

00:19:10.660 I had to tear a frosty out of his hands yesterday

00:19:14.740 because he was inhaling it with a spoon, dude.

00:19:18.800 I'm like, can I have that frosty?

00:19:19.940 He goes, sure.

00:19:20.600 And he's that dude who's like, before he hands it to me,

00:19:22.260 he's like, half a frosty in seven seconds.

00:19:25.820 The only reason I ordered Wendy's last night

00:19:29.740 was because I wanted that frosty. 0.99

00:19:32.120 It was the only thing I fucking wanted. 0.99

00:19:34.060 But he was so high, he was so stoned 0.99

00:19:37.280 that I knew it would make him more happy

00:19:40.160 than it would make me.

00:19:41.400 And so I took two spoonfuls out 0.99

00:19:42.780 and I fucking deserved it 0.99

00:19:43.920 because I paid for it. 0.99

00:19:45.360 Two spoonfuls?

00:19:45.880 Four, four.

00:19:46.700 Four large heaping spoonfuls.

00:19:48.620 The way you're forgetting to mention

00:19:49.580 is that you're using a shovel.

00:19:51.380 A small shovel from the beach.

00:19:53.240 But then I gave him the rest

00:19:53.960 and he enjoyed it.

00:19:54.520 He ate so much food last night.

00:19:56.280 I made him two steak tacos.

00:19:57.960 He drank my Frosty.

00:19:58.980 He had a bagel with Nutella

00:20:00.180 and then he left

00:20:01.240 while I was playing Warzone

00:20:02.040 after eating the bagel

00:20:02.780 to get more food.

00:20:03.680 What time was this?

00:20:05.000 1 a.m.

00:20:05.420 Yeah, 1 a.m.

00:20:05.980 I think that's where you lose it, Mike.

00:20:08.160 You eating at 1 a.m.?

00:20:08.820 Oh, he does.

00:20:09.580 He does.

00:20:10.000 You could eat clean all day, and then you come downstairs, it's midnight, you go in

00:20:13.440 the fridge, you grab something, you eat it, game over.

00:20:15.680 That's when you lose it.

00:20:16.360 A hundred, a thousand percent.

00:20:18.040 Because you are so disciplined, especially with working out and even your food, bro.

00:20:21.560 I see you eating leaves for lunch, but at 1 a.m., you break, you snap.

00:20:25.060 Every single day.

00:20:25.820 Why is that?

00:20:26.260 Sometimes it's because of that girl you always talk about.

00:20:29.300 Sometimes it's because I like sweets at night, but I think a lot of people watching this

00:20:33.300 probably can relate to that midnight breakdown.

00:20:36.740 Duh.

00:20:37.000 You know the late night snack?

00:20:38.380 Oh, yeah.

00:20:39.080 You gotta break that habit.

00:20:40.680 You know why it's good for me?

00:20:43.100 I like going to bed on like a full stomach.

00:20:45.920 It's like comforting.

00:20:46.880 Like a full stomach.

00:20:47.700 You sleep like a log.

00:20:48.880 I don't know.

00:20:49.440 I just feel good about it.

00:20:51.240 I can't wake up if I eat before bed.

00:20:53.780 In general?

00:20:54.720 No, I wake up.

00:20:55.420 It's just like a long time.

00:20:57.140 I see.

00:20:57.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:20:58.180 It slows you down a little bit.

00:20:59.860 Also, one, humans lose a lot of weight and burn a lot of calories while they're sleeping.

00:21:05.180 Sometimes if I don't have that last meal, dude, I'll wake up.

00:21:09.500 Hangry almost. Starving.

00:21:11.800 Yeah, you needed it last night.

00:21:13.280 You woke up starving this morning, though.

00:21:14.620 I lose five pounds every night.

00:21:17.040 That's insane. Just sleeping. Five pounds, gone.

00:21:19.040 Is that sweat? What is that? We gotta find out.

00:21:20.660 Are you taking dumps in your bed at night?

00:21:22.380 I don't know.

00:21:25.440 Humans in general

00:21:26.460 lose most

00:21:28.660 probably between two and three pounds per night.

00:21:30.940 I'm more just because my metabolism

00:21:32.500 is high.

00:21:34.400 Although I'm not working out, I will say

00:21:36.380 I'm still extremely, extremely active.

00:21:39.080 Just not working out.

00:21:40.200 Look, Milton's mad at me, my boxing coach.

00:21:41.940 We talked about that.

00:21:42.540 Hey, we talked about the owl you hit.

00:21:44.520 Oh, God.

00:21:45.360 I didn't hit the owl.

00:21:47.860 I said that.

00:21:48.980 That's exactly what I said. 0.99

00:21:49.660 I didn't hit no fucking owl. 0.99

00:21:50.840 He did. 0.99

00:21:51.200 Mike said that.

00:21:51.740 I didn't hit no owl.

00:21:52.780 No, no, no.

00:21:53.260 He did say that.

00:21:54.180 The owl hit me.

00:21:54.820 It parted up a little bit earlier from where I was.

00:21:57.120 The owl hit me right in the face.

00:21:59.240 What do you mean a little earlier?

00:22:00.160 Like a millisecond?

00:22:01.940 A Milton second.

00:22:02.800 A Milton second.

00:22:03.360 Did I not just talk about the butterfly effect? 1.00

00:22:04.920 You just said the same shit. 1.00

00:22:06.460 It's crazy that that just happened. 1.00

00:22:07.740 But I'm not one to get mad at people for repeating themselves.

00:22:10.880 I like these callbacks.

00:22:12.260 We're talking about working out.

00:22:13.900 Did y'all see Thor Bjornsson?

00:22:15.720 That's big.

00:22:16.580 The monster.

00:22:17.800 The monster. 0.97

00:22:19.000 The behemoth from Iceland.

00:22:20.560 Deadlift 501 kgs.

00:22:23.360 It was cool.

00:22:24.440 But what's even cooler?

00:22:25.500 What's even cooler?

00:22:27.260 The mountain.

00:22:27.880 Thor Bjornsson.

00:22:29.060 Set to make debut in boxing versus former World's Strongest Man in 2021.

00:22:32.820 Oh my God.

00:22:34.140 Nearly 800 pounds of muscle will be in the ring September 2021.

00:22:37.740 he's fighting Eddie Hall

00:22:39.100 who's a former

00:22:40.280 world's strongest man

00:22:41.440 what does that look like

00:22:43.780 when they fight

00:22:44.420 like how does that

00:22:45.280 this man is

00:22:45.880 he's 425 pounds

00:22:47.240 6 foot 9

00:22:48.640 6 foot 9

00:22:50.720 he's massive dude

00:22:52.060 and he deadlifted

00:22:52.920 what is 501 kg

00:22:53.900 he's like

00:22:54.120 1100

00:22:55.380 it's right there

00:22:56.000 1104

00:22:56.480 yeah

00:22:57.640 and then he did the scream

00:22:58.640 I always like seeing

00:22:59.820 the strong guy scream afterwards

00:23:01.500 cause like I can feel it

00:23:03.040 in me plums

00:23:03.640 but yeah

00:23:05.320 it's crazy cause

00:23:06.340 uh being a boxer large men weightlifters especially typically no not typically pretty

00:23:15.060 much always never make good boxers yeah that's what i'm wondering like how does this work it

00:23:19.400 the crossover is going to be really difficult but since it's happening in a year plus i think they

00:23:24.480 could both be really really proficient in boxing if they if they dedicate themselves to it i know

00:23:28.960 thor is like the one thing you can't question about dedicate or the dead lifting a thousand

00:23:34.320 plus pounds is the man's

00:23:36.540 devoted to his fitness. Oh, definitely.

00:23:38.440 What about his cardio, though? Can he run?

00:23:40.560 He'll get there for a year and a half. How do you move

00:23:42.540 400 pounds? With a bulldozer

00:23:44.680 or some shit. Wait, so what happens if one 0.94

00:23:46.540 of these guys hops in the ring with you?

00:23:48.540 So I commented on his post, on

00:23:50.520 Thor's post, and I said

00:23:52.600 hey, let's spar.

00:23:54.780 I don't know. Milton, what do you think?

00:23:57.540 Milton said, fuck no. 1.00

00:23:59.660 Is this the guy who spars 400 pounds? 1.00

00:24:01.560 425 pounds.

00:24:03.000 Listen, although he's going to swing and miss a lot and probably get tired.

00:24:06.260 If he hits me, I'm...

00:24:07.140 I'm done.

00:24:09.940 You're going to witness a human satellite.

00:24:13.100 You're going to witness a human satellite.

00:24:15.540 I'm not too interested in taking a hit from the strongest man in the world.

00:24:21.220 But I will be paying a lot of money to watch this fight.

00:24:25.720 We'll probably be there, but I'll still pay.

00:24:27.540 I'm here to support my friends.

00:24:29.040 He's nice.

00:24:29.420 I was supposed to hang out with him when we went to Iceland, which we didn't do.

00:24:32.000 That's why it didn't happen.

00:24:33.100 Could you tell me how you pronounce his first name quickly?

00:24:35.640 It's Hafthor.

00:24:37.340 I'm sorry. 1.00

00:24:37.860 It's what? 1.00

00:24:39.060 Hafthor. 0.94

00:24:40.300 When they spell it out.

00:24:41.900 So what does that small U stuck to the wall in the middle do?

00:24:46.240 Oh.

00:24:47.580 I thought it was like a misdrawn P.

00:24:49.580 No, that's an Icelandic letter.

00:24:51.640 Is it?

00:24:52.500 No, they have this on some detour signs.

00:24:54.580 It's probably a TH.

00:24:55.140 No, because when I see that, I see a handle on an industrial door that I can open.

00:24:59.740 Okay.

00:25:00.100 I picture it like a lowercase b

00:25:02.280 with an extra long tail

00:25:03.620 alright

00:25:05.920 did you see him play Conor McGregor

00:25:07.500 I did

00:25:08.440 they rolled around a little bit

00:25:09.480 yeah it was interesting

00:25:10.100 I mean bro

00:25:10.600 when we talk about dudes this big

00:25:12.420 it's just the rules are different

00:25:13.820 have you ever grabbed a strong man

00:25:15.840 like a really strong man

00:25:16.960 yeah

00:25:17.180 from Danny

00:25:17.900 from back home

00:25:18.780 you ever grip him

00:25:20.480 I swear to god

00:25:21.180 when I see dudes like this

00:25:22.740 the first thing I did to Bradley Martin

00:25:24.100 when I saw him for the first time in real life

00:25:25.880 I was just like

00:25:26.260 bro you're so

00:25:26.700 can I just like

00:25:27.760 just like to feel the

00:25:29.360 It's probably not the best word to use in this context

00:25:32.160 But to feel the girth on this man

00:25:33.640 Cut that

00:25:35.880 Was something phenomenal

00:25:38.640 You know what I'm saying

00:25:39.280 That's why I said the first thing I'd do

00:25:41.760 If it was a clone of me was wrestle me

00:25:43.680 I want to see how strong I am

00:25:44.860 Sometimes I shake my dad's hand

00:25:46.560 And I feel

00:25:48.220 I try to pay attention to the roughage on his hand

00:25:51.540 And what that feels like

00:25:52.420 Because I wonder if that's what my hand feels like

00:25:54.200 Think about it

00:25:54.780 You don't know what kind of touch you put out

00:25:57.720 You don't know how strong you are

00:25:59.120 You don't know what it's like to look at you.

00:26:01.040 Well, I would assume, especially from the back. 0.99

00:26:03.240 I would assume your dad's hand is like that from digging post holes and shit like that. 0.99

00:26:09.100 And I would assume your hands softer than a baby's bottom. 0.99

00:26:12.340 Me? 0.99

00:26:12.580 Because you haven't done shit. 0.98

00:26:13.780 No. 0.97

00:26:14.020 Besides create videos.

00:26:15.180 No, no, no, bro.

00:26:16.220 So I got eczema or something.

00:26:17.880 I don't have eczema, but I do.

00:26:19.800 You're pretty, pretty rigid.

00:26:20.880 I do suffer from dry hands.

00:26:22.780 Like, bro, bro, we were driving back from the ranch and I'm talking a lot this episode.

00:26:26.520 I'm sorry.

00:26:26.940 I'm like, help.

00:26:27.840 I'm going to keep talking.

00:26:28.580 I got a lot on my mind.

00:26:29.620 No, good.

00:26:30.140 Driving back to the ranch 0.59

00:26:31.040 and I'm holding my girl's thigh

00:26:33.180 and all of a sudden

00:26:34.220 I feel like something on my hand. 0.99

00:26:35.220 I'm like, what the fuck's going on? 0.99

00:26:35.900 And bro, she's sneak attacking me 1.00

00:26:37.600 with hand lotion. 1.00

00:26:38.420 I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:26:39.040 Get off me! 1.00

00:26:40.400 Get off me! 0.88

00:26:41.560 And you told me this too. 0.98

00:26:43.940 I am so much worse than you with lotion.

00:26:45.820 I do not use it ever.

00:26:47.800 Ever, ever, ever.

00:26:48.960 I never use lotion.

00:26:50.200 No chapstick.

00:26:51.020 But surely your mom 0.68

00:26:51.940 tried to coerce you into using it.

00:26:53.400 Everyone's like, you need lotion.

00:26:54.420 I'm like, my hands are fine.

00:26:55.620 I have no cracks. 1.00

00:26:57.260 They're Polish hands. 1.00

00:26:58.360 They don't break. 0.96

00:26:58.940 I'm good.

00:26:59.660 I don't need anything.

00:27:00.780 You have beautiful hands.

00:27:02.140 Mine aren't even beautiful.

00:27:03.540 My knuckles will crack and bleed, full-on bleeding.

00:27:06.260 I could bleed out.

00:27:07.220 Pints of blood are being lost, and I will not use lotion.

00:27:11.020 I won't do it.

00:27:11.600 I think both you guys and a lot of the male population out there

00:27:15.400 underestimate the power of moisturizing.

00:27:17.440 I really do.

00:27:18.780 I really do.

00:27:19.580 Moisturizing is a powerful, powerful thing.

00:27:21.980 For what purpose?

00:27:22.640 You sound like George Janko.

00:27:23.540 It is a George Janko.

00:27:24.920 I respect you on this.

00:27:25.960 it is there's something to be said about a smooth sun-kissed skin that a woman just likes they like

00:27:33.420 that like nobody wants to i don't want to be nobody nobody wants to touch a brillo pad mac

00:27:37.880 here's my issue no one wants to touch as soon as you start using that stuff you're addicted to it

00:27:42.040 you have to use it all the time for the rest of your life you sound like a vegan friend of ours

00:27:45.640 that that's what they say about aspirin you ever had a headache and use aspirin do you use aspirin

00:27:50.160 when you have a headache sometimes not aspirin particularly no you are right what you're

00:27:54.960 describing is called the dependence i have a chapstick on me every single day i have for the

00:27:59.120 past decade there's not a day that goes by in my life where i do not have a chapstick in my left

00:28:03.120 in my left pocket funny you say that yep oh same brand uh blistex medicated by the way i don't use

00:28:08.460 this brand danny bought these i took one shout out danny what do you think by the way these are my

00:28:12.220 go-to fantastic it's good i've always used the uh the other kind the chap chapstick oh it's okay

00:28:20.860 it's okay it's just called the name it's like buying a a milk called milk like there's no

00:28:25.940 company name it's called chapstick or or or did it did it become a chapstick because that was the

00:28:34.160 name of the thing like like a tissue that's a kleenex is the brand right it's just a tissue

00:28:40.660 but people call them kleenex like overall like what kind of sodium i'll take a coke that's like

00:28:45.200 some georgia southern stuff though i'll take a coke we don't have coke we have pepsi no i wanted

00:28:49.240 of pepsi i just wanted we're somewhere i'm gonna bring us back that's fine i mean bring us wherever 0.94

00:28:53.840 the fuck you want that's good just like it's just like lotion i'm just gonna sit over there 0.92

00:28:56.820 i'm not terrified of uh lotion but i am terrified of monkeys i said that last episode but you guys 0.99

00:29:03.240 saw the video right okay so i i didn't i didn't i didn't really hear you when you said that like

00:29:08.520 i heard you but i was like this wow that's that's silly right i said is it that might be an irrational

00:29:12.820 fear turns out it's not turns out there's monkeys trying to kidnap humans 0.77

00:29:17.880 via motorcycle.

00:29:21.540 What?

00:29:22.380 I don't know how to describe this

00:29:24.180 and say it in any other way,

00:29:25.100 so I'm just going to have you all watch it here.

00:29:27.200 This is a video on Facebook,

00:29:28.280 and it says,

00:29:30.560 Bizarre footage has emerged

00:29:31.500 showing a motorcycle-riding monkey

00:29:33.200 attempt to snatch a small child

00:29:35.080 believed to be in Indonesia. 0.97

00:29:37.220 Okay.

00:29:38.360 Pay close attention here,

00:29:39.560 especially on the arrival of the monkey.

00:29:41.940 dude it's so strong dude it's so are you kidding me

00:29:55.180 are you kidding me yo yo he rode up on a motorcycle oh no something's happening i'm

00:30:04.420 trying to zoom out we we need a we need a young jamie dude how does a monkey ride up on a

00:30:09.860 motorcycle someone trained this monkey okay so is that is that is that the thing so what is the 0.52

00:30:15.480 monkey trained to do steal humans uh small small spawn probably steal something but why did it go

00:30:23.380 like is it trained to steal purses and then it went rogue and stole a human also he ditched the 0.53

00:30:27.460 he ditched a bike he like uh he doesn't have a getaway monkey driver like he just left the but

00:30:32.440 yeah why did he ride the bike in the first place is it electric is he pedaling is it does it have

00:30:36.300 Petrol?

00:30:37.100 Who gives a monkey a bike?

00:30:38.940 Did the monkey steal the bike?

00:30:39.900 I can't die.

00:30:40.620 I cannot die not knowing these things.

00:30:43.160 I can't even make sense.

00:30:44.280 Can you arrest the monkey?

00:30:45.860 That's another...

00:30:46.740 Bro, yo, bro. 1.00

00:30:48.160 I'm about to cry because my fucking head is about to explode. 1.00

00:30:53.800 When it comes to jurisdiction and justice for this poor traumatized child, does the monkey 1.00

00:31:02.700 stand trial?

00:31:03.840 Does the monkey go to jail?

00:31:05.160 Absolutely.

00:31:06.040 Monkey jail for sure. 0.80

00:31:06.940 That's a thing.

00:31:07.580 What is monkey jail?

00:31:08.280 Just a cage? 0.97

00:31:08.760 It's called a zoo.

00:31:09.220 That's just their life, a zoo. 0.94

00:31:11.240 They have to go live with the Tiger King.

00:31:14.000 Oh, God.

00:31:15.500 No.

00:31:16.940 This blew my mind.

00:31:18.380 I'm chalking it up to one of those things that I don't get it.

00:31:21.240 I don't understand the bike.

00:31:23.200 That's the one part I don't get.

00:31:24.320 The monkey can clearly move quickly.

00:31:27.000 He scurries quickly away.

00:31:28.360 Why did he have to ride in on two wheels?

00:31:31.900 Who's filming? 1.00

00:31:32.780 To me, that was the extra fuck you. 0.99

00:31:34.860 Why were they filming it? 1.00

00:31:35.820 Look how strong it is

00:31:37.360 Look at this 0.97

00:31:37.780 He pulls a child 0.99

00:31:39.140 Like face first

00:31:40.020 Across the ground

00:31:40.840 That's not like

00:31:41.360 A little child

00:31:42.220 That's a

00:31:42.780 I don't know

00:31:43.440 Three four year old 0.99

00:31:44.280 That's a toddler yeah

00:31:45.180 It's crazy

00:31:46.680 Pretty whack

00:31:47.420 That he didn't get

00:31:47.860 The job done

00:31:48.500 How about the guy

00:31:49.260 That just walks

00:31:49.720 Nonchalantly

00:31:50.440 I don't think

00:31:51.740 You can say that

00:31:52.360 What you think 0.99

00:31:53.020 Monkey's rights 0.97

00:31:53.840 Activist groups

00:31:54.560 Are gonna come after

00:31:55.280 No but what's the 0.97

00:31:55.960 No no no

00:31:56.720 I think human 0.99

00:31:57.660 Abduction groups 1.00

00:31:59.140 Are gonna come after 1.00

00:32:00.140 Fuck that shit 1.00

00:32:01.480 Anti-abduction groups 1.00

00:32:02.840 You think there's a group

00:32:04.100 Imagine there's just 0.99

00:32:04.800 A big ass group 0.96

00:32:05.720 of people who have been abducted by monkeys 0.98

00:32:07.420 and they come after me, they're like,

00:32:08.940 you have gone against my rights.

00:32:12.240 I was abducted by a small

00:32:13.800 chimpanzee at six years old.

00:32:16.620 We're breaking them down. 1.00

00:32:18.040 Fuck the fifth vital. Fuck the 1.00

00:32:19.700 sweaty kid. We hate 1.00

00:32:21.700 them. I was abducted by

00:32:23.760 an orangutan when I was in

00:32:25.660 Somalia. That would be cool.

00:32:27.940 Orangutans are chill. Dude, what just

00:32:29.720 happened? Why did that monkey

00:32:31.600 steal that baby? Mac, you're 0.95

00:32:33.660 supposed to not have answers to this shit. 1.00

00:32:35.380 As part monkey, I wish I knew the answer. 1.00

00:32:37.740 My step-grandma passed away yesterday.

00:32:40.860 Nice segue, dude.

00:32:41.880 Rest in peace, Grandma Jo.

00:32:43.440 Sorry to hear that, man.

00:32:44.780 It's all good.

00:32:46.320 I mean, it's not, but you know, it is.

00:32:48.320 Like, it's life.

00:32:49.860 No, it's actually death.

00:32:51.540 How old is she?

00:32:52.060 If you think about it. 1.00

00:32:53.240 She was old.

00:32:54.000 She was like 80 or so, and she can finally reunite with my Grandpa Spike in heaven, my

00:32:58.000 mom's dad, who is the guy who I get my athleticism and intelligence from, Grandpa Spike.

00:33:05.380 Very smart engineer, created many patents for boats and how they're designing.

00:33:09.560 Grandma Jo was his partner in crime, and she's finally up there with him.

00:33:13.400 How old was she?

00:33:14.480 80 plus, I think, or about to be 80.

00:33:17.640 That's a good run.

00:33:19.340 Well, not for you.

00:33:20.040 That's only half where you're trying to go.

00:33:21.440 So it was interesting.

00:33:23.680 Obviously, I'm not.

00:33:24.300 I wasn't with my family.

00:33:25.540 They're all in Ohio and supporting my grandma on her way out.

00:33:29.020 But it was interesting because I started racking my brain.

00:33:31.080 And it's, my mom was sending me pictures and there was the entire family around my step-grandmom

00:33:36.000 who was, she's my step-grandmom, but I was, I was still pretty, uh, pretty close with

00:33:39.620 her, you know, forget the step, like she's basically like a grandma.

00:33:43.640 And, uh, it was just interesting to see, I don't know, she's just on her deathbed and

00:33:48.620 everyone just kind of looking at her and I was confused.

00:33:51.440 This is part of the things where I think my, uh, maybe like ignorance or inexperience

00:33:56.100 lends itself to confusion

00:33:57.880 because logically

00:34:00.160 I'm like yo there's just

00:34:01.240 there's 10 people

00:34:03.540 who she loves and they're comforting her but they're

00:34:06.260 they're just like waiting

00:34:08.100 for her to die

00:34:09.500 it's a little strange

00:34:11.400 it's like the thing right but it was

00:34:14.120 just like

00:34:14.560 when I go out dude I want to be remembered

00:34:18.420 in like a pristine

00:34:21.780 strong

00:34:22.580 state not

00:34:25.100 not not withering dilapidated losing my consciousness on on uh in front of the people

00:34:30.760 that i love most what if what if grandma joe wanted that what if she wanted to be surrounded

00:34:34.460 by her closest family so that you know in her last moment she could tell them yeah i mean what

00:34:38.480 you're just describing is is a live fast die young because the only way you're going to go

00:34:42.940 out in that shape is if you die young enough to still be there so this is this is this is what

00:34:46.980 i'm what i'm getting at oh god where do we get when i'm when i'm on the cusp the cusp of death

00:34:54.240 and merging our two

00:34:56.380 conversations. When I'm on the

00:34:57.580 150 plus, right? When it's time

00:35:00.340 for me to go out,

00:35:01.740 I don't want to do it on a deathbed.

00:35:04.160 I want to fight a gorilla.

00:35:07.080 But... Back to the

00:35:08.280 monkeys. You need to find the

00:35:10.220 father of the monkey that did that 1.00

00:35:12.080 and get vengeance for that shit 1.00

00:35:14.080 diaper filled baby, dude, that got dragged 1.00

00:35:16.260 away. I'm going to take you back even more. If you 1.00

00:35:18.060 remember another thing I wanted to do, 0.61

00:35:20.700 I want to die on Mars.

00:35:22.040 So now it's tricky. Because I

00:35:24.080 need to be 150 i need to die on mars and i need to fight a gorilla to the death what makes you

00:35:29.860 think that would be difficult to set up i don't think we'd be able to get the gorilla to mars

00:35:34.840 that's that's bogus thinking that's that's second grade thinking how would we put the gorilla in a

00:35:41.640 space an astronaut suit and would i uh fight him on the on the terrain this is how i know

00:35:49.120 that you're shaken up by your grandma's passing because i'm trying the first question you're

00:35:53.560 asking is, how can I get a gorilla to space so that 0.93

00:35:55.580 I can kill it on Mars before I die? 0.96

00:35:57.640 Incredible. No, he wants to die by gorilla 1.00

00:35:59.580 fight. Sorry.

00:36:02.160 The way your brain works is amazing.

00:36:04.080 My favorite. I either want that

00:36:05.620 or someone needs to yas me out of a plane.

00:36:08.120 Oh my god. Could happen tomorrow.

00:36:10.020 I don't think

00:36:10.760 Paul's

00:36:12.520 I don't think... Do that right now. I don't think that Paul's

00:36:15.600 wanting to die in

00:36:17.540 weird ways is so

00:36:19.460 foreign. What about GP? 1.00

00:36:21.160 We talked about this at the ranch this weekend. That was not cool.

00:36:23.560 man. That guy's weird.

00:36:25.200 Yeah, but he's awesome. He's awesome. He's a character.

00:36:28.440 Mac, you spent the whole

00:36:29.480 weekend building a pool. You're a little weird.

00:36:31.400 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here, boys?

00:36:33.600 We're going to get to it. I'm the sweaty one. Cut the shit.

00:36:36.220 No offense, 1.00

00:36:37.600 GP. He's a fan to trust me.

00:36:39.480 He was talking about some weird ways to die, and I was like,

00:36:41.480 that's just a little strange, man. I don't know.

00:36:43.520 No, no, sorry. It wasn't weird ways to die. It was weird

00:36:45.460 ways to disperse of his body once he's dead.

00:36:48.100 Okay, man. You know what I'm saying?

00:36:50.140 Cremation? Sure.

00:36:51.720 Burial? Maybe. Nope. Not GP?

00:36:53.560 he wants to be cut up into little pieces 0.95

00:36:56.560 and have them thrown to the birds 0.75

00:36:58.620 on top of the mountain

00:36:59.300 so the birds can poop and fertilize the soil

00:37:01.400 so he continues to give back

00:37:02.840 even after his death

00:37:03.880 now I said this dad

00:37:05.280 I'm sorry

00:37:06.220 as your son cannot cut you up 0.66

00:37:08.500 I will not cut you into cubes 0.99

00:37:09.820 nor will I throw cubes of your body to birds

00:37:12.060 you're telling me that his lifelong goal 1.00

00:37:14.660 is to die a piece of shit 1.00

00:37:16.440 is that what you just said to me 1.00

00:37:18.840 is that what you just fucking said 0.99

00:37:21.000 is that what just happened 0.99

00:37:22.240 He wouldn't die as one

00:37:24.100 He'd be reincarnated as one

00:37:25.620 That's incredible

00:37:27.720 That's tricky 0.98

00:37:28.440 I can't fucking 0.86

00:37:30.360 I don't know 0.98

00:37:30.900 Yeah I don't know

00:37:34.120 I want to go out

00:37:35.520 Yeah how you want to go out

00:37:38.820 I want to go out 0.99

00:37:39.380 On a simultaneous orgasm 0.98

00:37:41.200 That's cool 1.00

00:37:41.940 You and your fucking beloved 1.00

00:37:43.380 Your lover bro 1.00

00:37:44.540 You're fucking 92 years old 1.00

00:37:46.800 You ate all the blue chew 1.00

00:37:48.020 Tildenafil

00:37:48.800 Tildenafil

00:37:49.620 You can get it at

00:37:50.520 Promo code Logan

00:37:51.500 No 0.82

00:37:51.720 you pop blue choose she pops female viagra and you guys you guys time it just perfectly

00:37:57.260 and you're on uh life support both of you and at the exact moment that you go she goes and

00:38:06.560 they hit the switches and it's like this and you both yeah come and go simultaneous oh my god and

00:38:15.580 And then you are mixed together and your body matter is used to, uh, as fertilizer for a

00:38:25.360 lemon tree. 0.88

00:38:25.880 And then your friends drink your, your cum lemonade. 1.00

00:38:29.460 Yeah, no, it's fucking strange. 1.00

00:38:31.240 You had me until then. 0.73

00:38:32.040 Why do you have to add that element to it?

00:38:33.400 Well, it's just life in the basket.

00:38:34.780 Y'all believe in, uh, reincarnation?

00:38:36.580 I mean, it's a bit deeper of a question than that.

00:38:38.100 My theory on this is if reincarnation is real, where else in the universe would you go?

00:38:42.860 Because everything that you know and love is right here, right now.

00:38:45.580 Well, you know, you know, Einstein's, uh, is Einstein's, what's, what's the thing?

00:38:50.140 The energy cannot be created or destroyed.

00:38:51.900 That's, uh, just physics.

00:38:55.340 That's it.

00:38:56.100 Newton.

00:38:56.760 That sounds about right.

00:38:57.940 It's someone. 0.91

00:38:58.780 Fig Newton's.

00:38:59.920 It's someone.

00:39:00.420 But, but I called my mom this morning and just last little thing here.

00:39:03.900 I was like, Hey, the grandma Jo, when she passed, did he have a, does she have a thing

00:39:07.020 for owls?

00:39:07.580 I was like, what's her spirit animal?

00:39:09.100 She's like, Oh my gosh, you didn't have an owl necklace. 0.84

00:39:10.780 And then she just sent me this picture and she said, uh, I'm not shitting you.

00:39:14.280 A friend sent me this to Mike for Joanne's passing.

00:39:16.620 Note what's in it.

00:39:17.300 There's a little owl up top, which is...

00:39:20.700 What?

00:39:21.120 Yeah, these type of coincidences...

00:39:22.360 What?

00:39:22.720 Wait, what? 0.99

00:39:23.600 You didn't fucking tell me this? 0.99

00:39:25.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:26.460 That's crazy, bro.

00:39:27.520 But what are the odds that an owl just...

00:39:29.280 An owl! 1.00

00:39:30.420 A fucking owl! 1.00

00:39:31.480 Not even a bird, dude. 1.00

00:39:32.900 An owl hits our windshield. 0.99

00:39:35.180 How fucked up would it be? 1.00

00:39:38.640 How fucked up would it be if that was your grandma? 1.00

00:39:42.720 And I just hit it. 1.00

00:39:43.620 You fucking hit it with your $90,000 sprinter. 1.00

00:39:46.500 Here's the good news. 1.00

00:39:47.200 It's $150,000.

00:39:48.460 Here's the good news.

00:39:49.620 Here's the good news.

00:39:50.160 She saved it.

00:39:50.900 Nope.

00:39:51.600 The timelines don't match up.

00:39:53.440 We hit the owl before she passed.

00:39:56.260 But rest in peace, Grandma Jo.

00:39:57.660 You did?

00:39:58.680 When did she?

00:39:59.860 5 a.m. this morning.

00:40:01.600 Or was that when they announced it?

00:40:03.000 Maybe that was the original.

00:40:04.140 Yeah.

00:40:04.540 That was time of death, yeah.

00:40:05.840 New Drake dropped.

00:40:08.120 Speaking of owls, speaking of the six, speaking of Toronto, speaking of OVO, new Drake dropped.

00:40:13.620 a mixtape.

00:40:15.980 I know, I know.

00:40:17.700 I also haven't heard it.

00:40:19.040 Drake, better than the Beatles.

00:40:20.500 Mr. In Touch With Music.

00:40:22.280 Neither of them listen to a single fucking track on this thing. 0.99

00:40:24.620 Well, guess what? 0.99

00:40:25.680 Boys, I did the work for us.

00:40:27.860 Thanks, Mike.

00:40:29.700 What do you have for us?

00:40:31.100 He just typed in Drake on Google.

00:40:33.340 That's what he asked for us.

00:40:34.480 I did the work.

00:40:34.980 I love watching him do the work.

00:40:37.980 I want the name of the album.

00:40:39.920 That's all I was looking for.

00:40:41.120 Dark Lane Demo Tapes.

00:40:42.400 Starkeling demo tapes.

00:40:44.080 I just want to make sure I have my info.

00:40:45.300 That's all.

00:40:45.480 It's cool.

00:40:45.860 Listen.

00:40:46.380 Oh, so it's not an album.

00:40:47.380 It's a mixtape. 1.00

00:40:48.360 Some old shit, some new shit. 1.00

00:40:50.100 A bunch of the shit I'd heard before. 1.00

00:40:51.900 Is it shit? 1.00

00:40:52.580 No, it's not. 1.00

00:40:53.540 There's some good tracks on it.

00:40:54.820 Cool. 0.99

00:40:55.520 It's not going to change your fucking life, though. 1.00

00:40:57.480 Okay? 0.99

00:40:58.420 My favorite track on it is one that had already come out called War.

00:41:01.660 It's the last song on it.

00:41:02.380 I have a question.

00:41:03.020 How do you know it won't change your life?

00:41:04.260 When you put out hits as good as his as many times as you do, are we numb?

00:41:09.560 Are we numb?

00:41:10.160 Do you remember?

00:41:10.480 Are our expectations for Drake so high?

00:41:13.860 Are they so high that even when he hits them, he gets no credit?

00:41:17.620 Yeah, for sure.

00:41:19.140 But do you remember when I told you that the gift I was getting you

00:41:22.740 was going to change your life?

00:41:23.640 Yes.

00:41:24.000 I throw that around sometimes.

00:41:25.060 But it did.

00:41:26.060 Throw that around, obviously.

00:41:27.340 And it did change your life.

00:41:28.560 No, we didn't see it because we were at the ranch.

00:41:30.720 Listen.

00:41:31.700 Listen to it.

00:41:32.840 It's good.

00:41:33.780 There's good tracks on it.

00:41:35.080 But yes, he definitely has set the bar high.

00:41:37.060 And unfortunately, when you set the bar that high,

00:41:38.660 you got to continue to reinvent and and and produce you know what i'm saying it's but it's

00:41:43.460 good six nines also uh putting out a new a new video a new music video i think it's gonna be

00:41:50.640 so interesting to see his comeback i don't think his snitching will affect him as much as you think

00:41:55.280 it will mike but also you you grew up in a place where that was like a thing i don't know anything

00:42:00.140 about i mean you do you understand the idea i mean it's not it's not it's it's not ideal if

00:42:06.720 like in that world right like you snitch your snitches get stitches we all we are here and

00:42:13.540 know it and like it's not for me but it's kind of glorifying gang activity well listen yeah like

00:42:20.520 like if he doesn't snitch do do the bad guys continue to run around like in many ways him

00:42:25.820 snitching could have maybe like i don't save people all right so yeah so so i'm just playing 0.79

00:42:30.080 devil's avocados i don't fucking know so him him and 50 had been back and forth on this so 50 0.80

00:42:35.460 was a big co-signer at 6ix9ine. 0.92

00:42:37.480 He called him his son. 0.99

00:42:39.580 And after all the snitching shit went down, 0.99

00:42:42.020 50 wasn't having it anymore. 1.00

00:42:43.480 That's not my fucking son. 0.99

00:42:45.540 But now, I think 50 0.99

00:42:47.500 slightly switched up his story because he went on a show

00:42:49.680 the other day and was starting to

00:42:51.580 take into consideration, and maybe I should too.

00:42:53.620 I don't know. The fact that the people

00:42:55.560 he snitched on were putting out 0.99

00:42:56.720 were doing some horrible shit at 6ix9ine. 0.99

00:42:59.180 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

00:42:59.740 Yo, I'm going to kill your mom. 1.00

00:43:02.040 I fucked your girl. 1.00

00:43:03.360 That kind of shit, right? 1.00

00:43:04.700 like just nasty shit stored like crazy here's what here's what the the og street dudes will say 1.00

00:43:12.260 do your time come out put a hit out on those dudes that's what the the real street dudes will 0.99

00:43:18.160 say you do your time but the thing is 69 wouldn't have got out he could have called he could have 0.97

00:43:22.420 called working from prison and had dudes on the streets handle that shit for him but that's like 0.89

00:43:27.240 that's so such old school thinking that like i feel like in a lot of ways snitching is kind of 0.94

00:43:32.860 like the new norm in this world i don't think it's that i don't think it's that out of the 0.96

00:43:36.260 ordinary for everybody to just start coughing up fucking names i think there's an old saying 0.94

00:43:40.120 something about like the truth will set you free literally literally i mean it might not set you 0.99

00:43:46.100 free but it will get you just reduced to house arrest like six nine no that was coronavirus

00:43:51.020 i got him out oh yeah that's true i gotta that's it but that final thing on it that it's a tricky 0.97

00:43:56.500 place to be sitting in front of interrogators with a fucking camera on you and they're saying 0.96

00:44:00.540 to you, yo, give us a name 1.00

00:44:02.640 and you can get out of fucking 1.00

00:44:04.460 or you're going to go to prison for the rest of your fucking 1.00

00:44:06.440 life. Against people who were 1.00

00:44:08.420 horrible to him. It's a tricky situation.

00:44:10.720 I've never been that bad, but I've been in front

00:44:12.580 of that camera and it's not fun, dude,

00:44:14.440 to make that decision. You've been deposed?

00:44:16.020 You had a deposition? Yeah, well, I've just been in front of interrogators.

00:44:18.460 Where's that tape?

00:44:19.560 We might be able to pull that.

00:44:23.200 You can still get my

00:44:24.360 police reports

00:44:26.240 and they're crazy, bro. One was like 50

00:44:28.380 pages long on the arrest. It's fun.

00:44:30.380 It's awesome reading

00:44:32.060 It's awesome reading

00:44:33.800 Are the cops good orators? 1.00

00:44:35.960 It's like a little lady 1.00

00:44:38.060 Like a white haired lady with the glasses 1.00

00:44:39.520 And she types 0.99

00:44:40.340 She's been doing it for 400 years

00:44:43.620 She types the whole thing out 1.00

00:44:45.380 Speaking of old ladies with white hair 0.94

00:44:46.680 David Dobrik is the next Ellen 1.00

00:44:48.700 Does she have white hair? 0.95

00:44:50.520 It's a hot take 1.00

00:44:51.080 I agree with you

00:44:53.780 We talked a little bit about this before the show

00:44:56.240 I've always thought David was

00:44:58.180 gonna be the next

00:45:00.620 either Jimmy Kimmel

00:45:02.000 or Jimmy Fallon type

00:45:03.320 late night show

00:45:03.880 like he just

00:45:04.920 he's perfect for it

00:45:06.380 he's built for it

00:45:06.860 he's just likable

00:45:07.400 amicable

00:45:08.020 amicable

00:45:08.580 yeah I'm actually

00:45:10.360 gonna go now

00:45:10.920 amicable

00:45:11.600 amicable guy

00:45:12.500 amicable

00:45:13.560 and he gives away

00:45:14.420 everything

00:45:15.100 cars

00:45:15.640 money

00:45:16.020 games

00:45:16.540 fun

00:45:17.140 the difference is

00:45:18.320 the difference is

00:45:19.100 Jimmy Kimmel

00:45:19.880 and Jimmy Fallon

00:45:20.800 were comedians first

00:45:22.440 like sketch

00:45:23.800 SNL type of guys

00:45:25.300 David was

00:45:26.400 internet first

00:45:27.160 and then he's developed

00:45:28.080 into this personality

00:45:29.360 that quite literally

00:45:30.100 everyone likes

00:45:31.000 and that's Ellen 0.87

00:45:31.860 conversational 0.98

00:45:33.420 right

00:45:33.980 just like having fun

00:45:34.940 doing good things

00:45:35.720 so yeah

00:45:36.560 I agree with you 0.85

00:45:37.160 also Ellen was a comic first though 0.99

00:45:38.860 she was 0.98

00:45:39.840 she was

00:45:40.940 but is YouTube

00:45:41.520 is David's version

00:45:42.900 still him being a comic

00:45:45.060 it's just kind of

00:45:45.680 a new thing

00:45:46.460 he's bringing humor

00:45:47.680 to the world

00:45:48.080 yes like the skits

00:45:49.340 the concepts are all

00:45:50.100 they're his

00:45:50.640 so yeah I agree with you

00:45:52.080 it's gonna be exciting

00:45:52.740 it's gonna be exciting

00:45:53.780 to see where everyone

00:45:54.620 ends up dude

00:45:55.860 you know

00:45:56.500 except for GP

00:45:58.220 He's going to end up coming out of the words I asked.

00:46:01.000 He's the next Bear Grylls. 1.00

00:46:02.020 He's just landing on pavement, white piles of shit. 0.99

00:46:04.780 Listen, fucking does the fate of Liza Koshy in any way affect Dobrik or your or anybody else's decision to go to a main stage to a traditional playing field? 1.00

00:46:19.560 What'd she do? 0.98

00:46:20.840 I don't know.

00:46:21.280 What happened to her show?

00:46:22.840 Man, you talk about Lilly Singh, bro.

00:46:24.460 That's what I said.

00:46:25.100 You said Liza Koshy. 0.95

00:46:26.320 I'm hot.

00:46:26.760 I'm sweaty.

00:46:27.380 Lilly Singh. 0.55

00:46:28.380 Does the fate of Lilly Singh...

00:46:29.780 Do we know for a fact that her show got canceled?

00:46:32.240 Danny?

00:46:34.180 No factual?

00:46:35.100 You're the one that fed me this Liza Koshi Lilly Singh data.

00:46:37.480 She was the first one, no? 0.97

00:46:38.840 She was the first one to make the joke.

00:46:41.460 Okay, so as of April 25th, 2020,

00:46:43.860 NBC has yet to cancel or renew a little late with Lilly for season two.

00:46:46.980 Stuck in limbo.

00:46:47.740 Purgatory.

00:46:48.520 Is it because of the pandemic, Devil's Avocados,

00:46:50.780 or is it because the ratings weren't high enough? 1.00

00:46:53.080 Listen, fucking... 1.00

00:46:54.320 Do you like the show, Logan? 1.00

00:46:55.560 Whether it's renewed or not?

00:46:56.560 You a big fan?

00:46:57.180 don't watch you ever seen any of it nope you know i've seen i've seen some highlights i've seen

00:47:01.000 some highlights what'd you think of them you're so bad so bad okay so but but i like lily obviously

00:47:06.400 but like of course but you can't blame lily because you can't stick a youtube person on a

00:47:12.520 format that is not built for youtube people that is so hard even in that podcast clip i played of 0.66

00:47:18.100 us on our first podcast guys we sucked we sucked technically i still suck in 10 years from now i'm 0.53

00:47:23.940 be looking at this this podcast right here and being like yo you started over your words sometimes 0.75

00:47:28.040 your train of thought didn't make sense your logic was not there it takes so much time to

00:47:33.180 develop like a stand-up routine sitting behind a desk on a late night show so i don't i don't

00:47:39.920 blame lily i blame the person who tried to make a model work that just doesn't well i assure i assure

00:47:47.400 you what you do what we all do when we sit down on this desk is is way more difficult because

00:47:53.560 those people are simply

00:47:56.460 delivering the brilliant thoughts of the writers.

00:47:58.900 They're orators. Across the board.

00:48:00.600 Do you know how hard that delivering is though?

00:48:02.260 Of course. Hard. That's a hard in itself.

00:48:04.860 It is. But when

00:48:06.460 we practice that art, we're

00:48:08.600 delivering the things we think of in our

00:48:10.620 mind. Full on inception.

00:48:12.500 Isn't hers live though?

00:48:14.340 No, I don't think so.

00:48:17.860 They've got

00:48:18.560 great writers. Just like Saturday Night Live.

00:48:20.040 That was one of those things.

00:48:20.600 It might have been doomed off the bat.

00:48:27.480 I'm in the industry.

00:48:28.620 I don't know many people who thought that was going to be the next late night show.

00:48:33.240 What channel was it on?

00:48:34.420 NBC, right?

00:48:35.520 NBC.

00:48:36.420 And it's super late, right?

00:48:38.440 What time was it on?

00:48:39.460 Here's what I will say.

00:48:40.780 If they do renew and she does, if she's blessed with the opportunity to improve, she can definitely

00:48:47.980 get there.

00:48:48.500 But right off the Batman, you can't expect this girl or any influencer who's placed on a traditional model to do well. 0.99

00:48:56.540 That's just insanity.

00:48:58.380 I am so confident in myself. 1.00

00:49:01.100 And I know if someone were to stick me behind a desk on a late night show at this moment in time, I'd shit my fucking pants. 1.00

00:49:07.220 I would shit, literally shit my pants. 1.00

00:49:10.700 Same. 1.00

00:49:11.620 Same.

00:49:12.200 Dude, you saw me.

00:49:12.680 Wait a second.

00:49:14.080 Oh, the MTV show?

00:49:15.480 Don't you have a show?

00:49:16.020 Oh, yeah.

00:49:16.440 The MTV show aired what will be, what day is it?

00:49:21.020 Monday.

00:49:21.980 The MTV show will air, as we film this now, in two days.

00:49:25.880 But as you're watching it, then it will have aired, hold on, do you have a pen?

00:49:30.560 Just say what day it airs on.

00:49:31.440 It airs on Wednesday and Thursday of the week that you're currently watching this, if you

00:49:35.880 watched it in the first week that the show came out.

00:49:38.120 It will air wherever you're looking at it. 1.00

00:49:39.780 Guys, guys, shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:49:41.000 Do you have a calculator? 1.00

00:49:41.620 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:49:42.100 Sorry. 0.99

00:49:42.420 Hey, man.

00:49:42.900 Joked out a while ago.

00:49:43.600 Wednesday and Thursday of this week, MTV show.

00:49:45.480 No, no, no.

00:49:45.500 Please stop.

00:49:45.840 Please stop, please stop.

00:49:46.660 Just give me context.

00:49:47.440 You can't just say MTV show.

00:49:48.540 What show, Mike?

00:49:49.240 I'm giving you alley-oops and you're spiking them.

00:49:50.880 That's fine.

00:49:51.440 That is volleyball, bro.

00:49:52.340 Listen, I'm hot.

00:49:52.640 Score the basket.

00:49:53.360 Score the basket.

00:49:54.200 Can I tell you something really quick?

00:49:55.220 Anything.

00:49:56.220 Slow down when you talk to a published author like that.

00:49:58.160 True, true, true, true. 0.99

00:49:59.300 Show some fucking respect. 0.99

00:50:02.040 It's Monday, bro. 1.00

00:50:02.900 Your book comes out tomorrow.

00:50:04.420 You are not a published author yet.

00:50:06.200 I will address you differently.

00:50:07.940 Absolutely.

00:50:09.640 MTV, Bustedness. 0.67

00:50:11.020 It's a spinoff of The Ridiculousness Show with Tana Mongoose.

00:50:15.840 the pretty felon and of course one of my best friends jake paul oh man this is hilarious so

00:50:24.540 this so what happened why is there an x through them on the your show got picked up because they 0.89

00:50:27.920 broke up your show got picked up is do you for there i think they're testing it or some shit 0.53

00:50:33.220 oh i think it'll do well i enjoyed being there and it's it's crazy how i'm telling you bro life's 0.78

00:50:39.180 all about momentum it's crazy how you're releasing a book about your life that you've been working on

00:50:43.600 for a decade and the very next day

00:50:45.940 you are on an MTV

00:50:48.020 show that is a spin-off

00:50:49.860 of one of the most successful MTV shows

00:50:51.880 of all time. I just cannot speak

00:50:53.940 today. It's crazy, man. At least you're not

00:50:55.760 sweaty as fuck. Dude, 0.98

00:50:57.860 I didn't know that they were going to air this show

00:50:59.540 and then literally five

00:51:01.880 days ago, they're like, yeah, yeah, the air date

00:51:03.980 for it is the day after the book

00:51:05.820 drops. Oh, and the day after that as well. And by the way,

00:51:07.780 I'm randomly going to hit a million on Instagram this

00:51:09.840 week too. Wow. They're just

00:51:11.600 they're just throwing shit at this point they're like yo all right simulation people give them 0.96

00:51:17.160 everything hit the everything button like yep this is the one dude and i told mac yesterday i was 0.96

00:51:23.260 like it's one of those situations where if you're not an impulsive viewer or logan paul fan first 0.67

00:51:27.360 of all what the fuck is wrong with you but second of all you're watching in from the outside i'm

00:51:32.920 gonna be one of those potentially i could if all things go well one of those overnight success 0.99

00:51:37.000 stories where'd he come from where'd he come from he's everywhere he's on mtv he's got a book out 0.77

00:51:42.640 yeah this kid just popped up out of no no no no no yeah eight fucking years writing yeah 0.78

00:51:49.640 all the time i spent sweating about equal i've spent at least eight years sweating here 0.90

00:51:56.200 on this show and more than eight years of sweating even just in that one episode yeah 0.90

00:52:01.360 worth do you remember the sweat i remember walking in i go why the fuck is it so cold 0.69

00:52:05.800 And here he goes, actually, it's funny you ask. 0.65

00:52:08.060 Your friend Mike asked us to turn the AC on because he started sweating.

00:52:12.160 I don't want to be so sweaty anymore, dude.

00:52:15.100 I just, like.

00:52:15.980 Why is he always on?

00:52:16.280 Didn't you walk off that one too, Mike?

00:52:17.840 Yeah, I needed a second.

00:52:19.300 And that one I don't even think I worked out on.

00:52:21.260 The working out is 100% the deal.

00:52:23.000 But that one.

00:52:23.580 Yo, yo, yo.

00:52:24.000 But this is even what I was just saying.

00:52:26.260 You guys are influencers and they're sticking you on a traditional stage.

00:52:29.800 You can't just do that and expect you to be perfect.

00:52:32.000 Bro, it was so scary.

00:52:34.540 and they didn't even give me any like you're going to be like they tried to but it was basically the

00:52:39.200 same as taking a fish and putting them in the desert and being like yeah yeah go ahead man 0.79

00:52:43.640 you're gonna be fucking good bro i'm like yo do you understand that i shoot on a g7x by myself 0.85

00:52:50.240 and i edited a fucking iMovie why is there a camera on a crane right there and who are these 0.98

00:52:55.920 400 people looking at me as i sit here on the fucking stage dude yeah and i was so sweaty it 0.99

00:53:02.760 It felt like Patrick Ewing on the free throw line, dude. 0.98

00:53:05.840 Mid-90s.

00:53:06.820 No, but that's cool, man.

00:53:07.820 It's cool to see your life becoming what it is.

00:53:11.340 And I hope you're happy, Mike.

00:53:13.060 I am.

00:53:13.560 Four years ago, I was walking dogs.

00:53:15.000 But you'll see that episode two episodes ago.

00:53:18.760 Nice.

00:53:19.960 It's the last episode.

00:53:20.960 You're releasing something this week, too, huh?

00:53:22.860 Am I?

00:53:23.660 Yeah.

00:53:24.280 A little movie.

00:53:25.640 No, we're not releasing it.

00:53:26.800 Oh?

00:53:27.340 We're shooting it. 0.99

00:53:27.780 We're just shooting it. 1.00

00:53:28.520 No, no, no.

00:53:29.120 What are I releasing?

00:53:30.200 There's something that's been stuck in post-production for a long time.

00:53:33.560 Long, long time coming out. 0.99

00:53:34.440 Fucking Valley Girl. 1.00

00:53:35.420 He's talking about Valley Girl. 1.00

00:53:36.620 Wait, what?

00:53:37.500 That comes out this week?

00:53:38.860 Yeah.

00:53:39.300 Four days. 1.00

00:53:40.040 What the fuck? 1.00

00:53:40.460 Are you shitting in my fucking... 1.00

00:53:42.040 Fucking Valley Girl. 1.00

00:53:42.880 Big budget movie. 0.99

00:53:43.760 Shot it four years ago.

00:53:45.320 They spent a lot of time in the post-production.

00:53:47.180 Finally coming out.

00:53:47.940 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:49.340 That should be... 1.00

00:53:50.700 Holy shit. 0.99

00:53:51.980 Yeah, it's going to be something. 0.99

00:53:53.600 Tell you what.

00:53:56.140 Elon Musk?

00:53:57.140 No, I have three thoughts.

00:53:59.340 I have three thoughts.

00:54:00.200 things i want to say and and and their uh notes sometimes i'll clock my thoughts and these happened

00:54:08.440 over the weekend this one happened this morning i looked at the the views on my vlog i posted today

00:54:13.480 and i refreshed it and it was high it's very high and i noticed a little rush of endorphins i got

00:54:21.700 happy it's cool my my content my work my art is being received well and people seem to be liking

00:54:27.460 it and then i got a little upset at myself because i'm always the guy who's like yo views don't 0.53

00:54:35.160 matter i do this shit because i love it uh try to get the numbers out of your mind like that's 0.89

00:54:39.820 an afterthought and yet i i cannot help but notice the inherent and inevitable rush of emotion up or 0.99

00:54:50.240 down based on fucking views and i hate myself for that i hate that likes engagement views any sort 0.93

00:54:58.840 of statistic and analytic has any capacity to control the way i feel i try so hard to ignore 0.99

00:55:06.940 it but i'd be dishonest with myself if i didn't say i i if a video underperforms it hurts a little 0.83

00:55:12.680 bit and and in 2017 you mentioned it that logan paul would have fucking done anything for views 0.87

00:55:19.520 that was his drug that was his harrowing 0.97

00:55:21.760 give me some views man

00:55:22.640 I can pay you back once AdRev comes in

00:55:25.860 man I give you a couple bucks 1.00

00:55:26.980 you're a fucking drug addict 1.00

00:55:28.300 you are a drug addict and your drug 1.00

00:55:30.940 is views man 1.00

00:55:32.460 you love views 1.00

00:55:33.940 it's crazy you get a fucking spike of endorphins 1.00

00:55:36.520 every time you see that little fucking ticker start to tick 1.00

00:55:39.180 I try very hard 0.99

00:55:41.740 to phase it out and I do

00:55:42.700 a very good job of it

00:55:44.480 because if they don't go my way and I get

00:55:47.140 down for a little bit

00:55:48.980 my mentality immediately 1.00

00:55:50.660 I gotta kick my brain in the head 1.00

00:55:53.140 I go gotta kick my brain in its head 1.00

00:55:55.400 and I go 1.00

00:55:57.500 we'll get them next time

00:55:58.520 do our best

00:55:59.160 you know you made a piece of work

00:56:00.360 what really helped me

00:56:01.740 for any creators listening

00:56:03.760 or anyone who is aspiring to be a creator

00:56:05.220 or creative in any way

00:56:06.440 is viewing your work as your resume

00:56:09.140 that really helped me

00:56:11.300 you know who actually gave me this 0.98

00:56:12.440 Rudy fucking Mancuso 0.98

00:56:14.360 three or five years ago 0.99

00:56:16.000 three or four years ago

00:56:16.920 maybe he was like

00:56:17.460 he was like yo

00:56:17.960 picture your vine page as your resume although it doesn't get the engagement the likes the

00:56:23.940 viewership that you like if you like it like why does it matter if you like it and it's cool and

00:56:27.320 it resonates with you like it probably resonates with someone out there so that really helped me

00:56:31.560 when i stopped relying on the uh success based on numbers but it still is i think it's okay to know

00:56:41.900 that your stuff's getting a lot of views and even if it's less than you typically want it's still

00:56:46.880 okay to um recognize that the art that you're creating is for the masses you're trying to get

00:56:53.260 as many people to see it because your mission is to entertain people and if if you're not achieving

00:56:59.020 the level of uh entertainment that you want it's i think that's okay to be upset but you don't let

00:57:05.120 it hinder you from going no no no it's it's it's minor both ways it's minor happy like i looked at

00:57:11.500 this morning views are high i go that's that's that's cool all right hell yeah and i was like

00:57:15.280 cool i'm ready to get the day started but i know like if i post at 11 a.m and you know it's not as

00:57:20.600 high as i'd like i it takes me about 10 minutes to like get that out of my mind and i and i don't

00:57:25.480 like it but then you take action steps afterwards right like i do that to find out why it didn't do

00:57:29.660 as well and then we were just talking about this with evan is is uh i got blessed my genetic code

00:57:36.700 lends itself well to overcoming challenges i'm i'm competitive so if something doesn't go my way

00:57:43.760 I'm like, all right, I got this.

00:57:46.420 I'll do it again.

00:57:46.920 Let's see what happens.

00:57:48.160 Some people aren't like that.

00:57:49.740 You know, my greatest blessing

00:57:53.420 can also be my greatest curse.

00:57:55.360 Chasing views is good

00:57:56.920 because guess what?

00:57:57.840 You're going to be a successful YouTuber.

00:57:58.900 You're going to get a lot of views.

00:57:59.880 You go too far.

00:58:00.720 You turn into 2017 Logan Paul. 1.00

00:58:02.500 It can shoot you in the fucking foot. 1.00

00:58:05.300 I've been looking for this Rick Rubin quote. 1.00

00:58:07.820 Obviously, Mac knows who Rick Rubin is.

00:58:10.480 Legendary producer, craziest beard,

00:58:12.780 you know big producer for jay-z and a number of other artists and i it's so funny that we're

00:58:17.520 having this conversation today because i saw a quote from him this morning i think cole bennett

00:58:21.360 from lyrical lemonade liked it and that's why i saw it in my feed where he said basically what 0.80

00:58:25.180 equates to the day you start really giving a shit about people's feedback on your craft is the day 0.88

00:58:33.680 you lose and and i know you know i don't i don't think he's saying you know don't take creative 0.95

00:58:38.740 feedback from people but it's it's your art should always be your art yeah no one can tell you how to

00:58:45.180 do anything completely regardless and and and hold on a second he remember he's speaking out of it as

00:58:51.020 if it's art okay i don't know if you're looking at it as a business some people look at it as a

00:58:54.140 business or like a you know this is cool content rick rubin is an artist true and true all the way

00:59:00.620 an artist and so when he puts something out when he puts the rick rubin stamp on it it doesn't 0.89

00:59:06.620 matter if you're fucking kanye it doesn't matter if you're jay when you turn and you say to him yo 0.98

00:59:10.640 i don't really fuck with this one he says this is my art like i that what you've just said to me in 0.99

00:59:17.680 no way affects my my thought on it as a past piece or on my or on my future right you know 0.96

00:59:23.160 what i'm saying it's someone likes it and at the end of the day if he likes it that's all he needs

00:59:27.080 it's an industry difference absolutely my success is quite literally 100 directly correlated to how

00:59:34.260 many views i'm getting like how much money i make how relevant i am everything comes down to the

00:59:41.100 views david dobrik has a podcast called views it is it is by industry but it also is by the way you

00:59:48.600 think because there are people on youtube who could be much let me put it let me use myself 0.81

00:59:57.720 as an example quickly and i'll say this and i don't want to fucking say this just say it dude 0.72

01:00:02.200 There's a chance I might be a sellout 0.89

01:00:04.880 There's a chance I

01:00:06.340 When I first started

01:00:08.780 When I first started a small show

01:00:11.740 A tiny show

01:00:13.240 By the name of The Night Shift

01:00:14.800 It was right here with my closest friend Evan

01:00:17.100 We sat here with buttery toast

01:00:19.340 I would be drinking a beer 0.99

01:00:20.860 Kick back just talking about whatever the fuck went on 0.99

01:00:23.460 And then I started to feel 1.00

01:00:25.840 That feeling

01:00:26.900 Of what a million or two

01:00:29.160 Or three or five million views

01:00:31.360 felt like and no more did i want to sit and talk about toasters i wanted 50 000 brand deals 0.99

01:00:37.660 and i wanted people to be commenting hey man i like your shit and then i said to myself if i 0.97

01:00:43.480 just keep making these videos i keep feeding myself and so i know what it feels like yeah 0.99

01:00:49.380 because guess what the night shift was an art it was beautiful yeah it was good i talked to mops

01:00:55.560 I wrote poetry

01:00:57.840 I did all kinds of beautiful things

01:01:00.120 that all 300,000 people

01:01:01.740 that watched those episodes cared about

01:01:03.360 and then as soon as I felt

01:01:05.060 what 3, 5, 7 million views felt like

01:01:07.380 I didn't want to talk to mops anymore 0.99

01:01:09.600 it'll fuck you up man 1.00

01:01:10.960 it's fucked up 1.00

01:01:11.680 here's the takeaway 0.99

01:01:13.100 identify and monitor

01:01:15.340 I've identified my behavior

01:01:18.480 I'm trying to understand how I feel

01:01:20.960 pinpointing my emotions

01:01:22.520 now I'm going to monitor it

01:01:24.660 And this goes for everyone here, too.

01:01:26.380 Like, you see me going off the deep end?

01:01:27.500 Let me know.

01:01:27.980 Awareness.

01:01:28.260 What would you...

01:01:28.900 Sorry, I just have a question for you.

01:01:31.140 When you're ready, go ahead.

01:01:32.120 I'm ready.

01:01:32.860 Oh, what would your videos...

01:01:34.240 How would your videos be different

01:01:35.860 if views didn't matter,

01:01:39.280 money didn't matter,

01:01:40.020 brand deals didn't matter?

01:01:41.000 What would you be doing differently?

01:01:42.200 I would adapt so that they did matter

01:01:44.060 and they became...

01:01:45.720 I would do what the best people

01:01:47.780 on the platform are doing better.

01:01:50.340 So the competitiveness is so programmed into you

01:01:53.400 that if I gave you

01:01:54.700 a new metric for success

01:01:56.060 which was

01:01:56.700 create what you consider

01:01:58.340 to be the most artistic piece

01:02:00.300 of YouTube content

01:02:01.180 you would still be drawn back

01:02:03.120 to the competitive side

01:02:04.100 yep

01:02:04.360 it's just that built into you

01:02:06.300 do you know I spent a year

01:02:07.380 and a half making music

01:02:08.840 oh yeah I do

01:02:10.520 yeah

01:02:10.900 because I've seen the invoices

01:02:12.020 I know all about it

01:02:13.280 flew to Sweden for two weeks

01:02:14.240 made an album

01:02:14.800 one of the biggest producers

01:02:15.600 in the world

01:02:16.060 do you think I did that

01:02:17.720 because I love music

01:02:18.580 I would hope so

01:02:21.640 nope

01:02:22.040 nope

01:02:22.440 did it because it's a challenge to overcome

01:02:24.760 did it because it's another vertical that I have yet

01:02:26.800 to succeed at

01:02:28.800 that's the like

01:02:30.340 competition versus

01:02:32.640 creation mentality though and

01:02:34.240 one is obviously going to uplift

01:02:36.900 the other one's going to destroy

01:02:37.860 I happened to get lucky my first time around

01:02:40.240 you said this this morning where like

01:02:41.700 I really do love creating but I'm also competitive

01:02:44.140 so the perfect formula

01:02:46.240 for a YouTuber

01:02:46.980 I did

01:02:49.600 attempted music because

01:02:52.080 I just wanted to do it and be good at it and be, you know, exceed expectations.

01:02:58.640 Frank Ocean treats it as a sport.

01:03:00.740 Oh, he does?

01:03:01.440 Yeah.

01:03:01.940 Not verbatim, but something around that.

01:03:05.160 Yeah.

01:03:06.260 I have two more thoughts.

01:03:07.880 Kind of like macro, just like thoughts.

01:03:12.340 I wrote this in my notes.

01:03:13.420 I'm going to try to decipher it.

01:03:14.980 Fake being cool until it's cool.

01:03:17.440 So, you know, like fake it till you make it?

01:03:19.660 Yeah.

01:03:20.200 Okay.

01:03:20.360 Just hear me out.

01:03:21.120 Hear me out.

01:03:21.500 hear me out because you're right it's not it's not it's not the best but i am actually

01:03:28.140 slightly insecure around certain people and this is again me identifying the way i'm feeling

01:03:35.780 because both of you know everyone in this room knows i am a very confident sometimes arrogant

01:03:42.160 cocky mother yeah yeah bro you know sometimes you know i've been humbled a lot and i'd like

01:03:51.480 to consider myself in general a humble person but i got a lot of confidence i'm an extrovert i'm not

01:03:57.940 afraid to talk to people i hold a hold a room hold my own in a room and um this weekend at the ranch

01:04:04.500 my girl brought her girl i don't know this girl that well so i noticed myself trying to be cooler

01:04:11.900 in front of her and not being myself and not doing certain things so she wouldn't think i'm weird

01:04:17.460 here's the problem I'm fucking weird dude I'm weird you got a bird right I have a bird I'm a

01:04:23.020 bird guy and apparently apparently she prefaced her friend that I was a bird guy but you said 0.90

01:04:29.500 I said I went on record saying that Logan's probably the coolest bird guy there is but

01:04:34.680 unfortunately that's a pretty low bar but it was almost like by the end of the weekend I had

01:04:42.260 weaned her into

01:04:44.640 who I was

01:04:46.400 and by the end of the weekend

01:04:47.340 I felt like I could be

01:04:48.700 the most me

01:04:49.480 but at first

01:04:50.400 I did notice myself

01:04:51.500 like my first impression

01:04:53.460 I hate

01:04:54.880 I hate

01:04:56.200 leaving a first impression

01:04:57.760 where

01:04:58.800 if you were a Logan Paul

01:05:00.240 or Jake Paul

01:05:00.860 a skeptic

01:05:01.440 or a Paul skeptic

01:05:02.300 I hate leaving you

01:05:03.740 thinking

01:05:05.800 exactly what you thought of me

01:05:08.940 before you met me

01:05:09.740 okay

01:05:10.140 so you want to change people's opinions

01:05:11.520 for the better of you yes and i and because i mean just like every human being my online

01:05:17.260 personality is not the same as my real life personality and and i'd like to think that my

01:05:21.620 real life personality is pretty cool sometimes it's just more entertaining to be learning about

01:05:27.040 vlogs were you playing cool to get her to like you or you were like withholding weirdness that

01:05:32.620 was it okay that's different that's like not telling everyone the whole story before you

01:05:36.920 your girl was like

01:05:38.860 tell her more about how you guys

01:05:41.340 rolled down the hills in office chairs

01:05:43.320 and Logan was like 0.97

01:05:43.920 I never fucking rolled down no chair in office chairs 1.00

01:05:47.300 what the fuck are you talking about 0.99

01:05:48.160 I'm vlogging right 1.00

01:05:49.900 tell her about your magic school bus 1.00

01:05:51.120 I got a fucking Mercedes Benz 0.99

01:05:55.540 two of them 0.99

01:05:56.660 two Mercedes Benz, one's a sprinter 0.96

01:05:59.160 I don't got no fucking cool bus 0.92

01:06:00.540 I don't know 0.98

01:06:03.300 we're about to roll a car down a hill 0.97

01:06:04.780 and shoot at it with guns

01:06:06.060 In my mind, this is dope, but I'm aware that if you're not involved in this world or don't 1.00

01:06:11.240 know anything about me, this is fucking insane. 0.97

01:06:13.200 We're about to roll a 2003 Jeep Cherokee off a cliff, and then seven of us are going to 0.99

01:06:17.940 line up and shoot it with firearms. 0.71

01:06:20.640 You can't just be thrown into that, dude. 0.98

01:06:22.820 You have to be warmed up, and it's my job to warm people up into this.

01:06:27.860 That's why there's a long dirt road.

01:06:29.340 I'm a lot to handle.

01:06:31.080 I don't think you're anti-fake it until you make it. 0.98

01:06:33.140 I think I think you're fake it like some of the shit that I'm not talking about doesn't 0.97

01:06:38.440 exist because I because fake it till you make it was a scripture for me my entire life still 0.97

01:06:42.580 still is my it's actually my favorite advice to give to people it was I'd say this all

01:06:47.420 the time people were like how did you uh how did you get into YouTube and how'd you how'd

01:06:51.080 you start and I said get into it I was a YouTuber day I picked up a camera I was one 0.98

01:06:55.140 of the best YouTubers in the fucking world I was going to be at the top of the fucking 0.92

01:06:58.040 industry they were like yeah before that you were a wedding for you you tried wedding 0.98

01:07:01.380 photography i didn't try wedding photography i was one of the best wedding photographers 0.83

01:07:04.700 in the fucking world so that's the difference though that's not fake it till you make it that's 0.98

01:07:09.000 do it and screw it yeah it's done you know like screw it i i i read you tweeted this 0.99

01:07:16.380 it's talking about every chestnut checkers mike said every dude wants to act tough and win the 1.00

01:07:20.280 argument with their chick until they got a hard dick and she has a headache trust me boys it's 0.98

01:07:24.620 just not checkers take those little l's for the greater good so so i mean i mean i'm with it 0.99

01:07:30.820 42 12-year-olds read that and immediately typed the word simp in the comments.

01:07:38.020 Simp. 1.00

01:07:38.920 Fucking simp. 1.00

01:07:39.800 And yo, I posted one of them. 1.00

01:07:41.660 Mike's a bigger man than all of us, dude.

01:07:44.660 Because that's intelligence.

01:07:46.700 She, listen. 0.99

01:07:47.400 That's intelligence. 0.99

01:07:48.200 Listen.

01:07:48.780 Self-control. 0.97

01:07:50.760 The preservation of your sanity is more important than you will ever fucking imagine.

01:07:55.820 every married dude and every dude in a long term 0.89

01:07:58.000 relationship watching the show right now understands

01:07:59.920 the sentiment of what I said in that tweet yesterday

01:08:01.780 this is not about losing control

01:08:03.940 because when it gets 0.99

01:08:04.840 to the important shit 0.99

01:08:07.100 then I'll say something 0.99

01:08:09.900 I'll read you a quick 0.99

01:08:11.920 fucking thing I could fill the void 0.99

01:08:13.940 until you find it go ahead I'm worried about 0.99

01:08:15.840 Milton

01:08:16.140 today

01:08:18.900 oh my god

01:08:21.600 I mean I know our show is not like the most fast 0.97

01:08:23.800 paced thing ever but this is ridiculous 0.97

01:08:25.120 and he's 0.96

01:08:27.420 going to see this tomorrow and be like yeah you're talking about me

01:08:29.280 on the show and I said you shouldn't hit that owl

01:08:30.740 when she

01:08:32.840 says to me why did you like 0.57

01:08:35.260 that girl's picture on Instagram

01:08:36.920 you need to stop

01:08:39.140 liking that girl's picture okay

01:08:40.620 no problem but why did 1.00

01:08:43.160 you like don't worry about that fucking 1.00

01:08:45.040 shit why were you 1.00

01:08:47.080 why were you farting so much 1.00

01:08:48.560 don't fart under the covers pull the cover off 0.90

01:08:51.100 you and fart in the other direction then pull the blanket

01:08:53.160 I got a question for you what

01:08:54.840 why play chess or checkers

01:08:56.740 when you don't even have to start the game

01:08:58.600 what does that mean

01:09:00.340 don't get in the match you don't need to get into

01:09:02.140 don't like the picture

01:09:03.900 don't fire under the covers

01:09:05.080 sorry Mr. Perfect

01:09:06.860 I'm at that stage

01:09:09.880 I've been farting

01:09:12.240 I've been farting a little bit

01:09:13.700 I'm testing the waters

01:09:15.020 I'm seeing how her nose, how sensitive it is

01:09:17.240 if it can smell certain farts

01:09:19.120 or not

01:09:20.220 I've let a couple squeak out but she hasn't caught any of them yet 0.99

01:09:23.520 Hey, man, you're sick. 0.93

01:09:25.840 Like, uh, Corona? 0.97

01:09:27.820 No, yeah. 0.97

01:09:28.640 You're testing her nose to see if she could register certain farts?

01:09:31.960 What's wrong with you?

01:09:32.980 Let it rip, bro.

01:09:34.020 She likes it, she likes it. 0.92

01:09:34.960 If not, she's out.

01:09:35.460 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:09:36.560 You gotta be delicate, bro.

01:09:38.920 I've said this verbiage before.

01:09:40.480 I'm gonna let you finish.

01:09:41.480 I'm gonna let you finish.

01:09:42.600 Thanks, Kanye.

01:09:43.420 Bro, all dudes are doing when they're getting women is tricking them.

01:09:48.660 They're manipulating them to like you.

01:09:50.820 and as the relationship develops

01:09:52.440 you can become

01:09:53.100 you can fall into you

01:09:54.520 bro with Josie

01:09:56.020 my opinion 1.00

01:09:58.940 this is the baddest bitch 1.00

01:10:00.140 on the planet 1.00

01:10:00.700 so at first

01:10:02.000 I was not

01:10:03.240 being weird

01:10:04.320 Logan Paul with pigs

01:10:05.160 and a bird

01:10:05.700 and seven dogs

01:10:06.840 and 9,000 roommates

01:10:07.880 who were all dudes 0.99

01:10:08.400 who talk about dicks all day 0.99

01:10:09.400 I was like yo what's up 0.99

01:10:10.480 like what's up Logan

01:10:11.900 nice to meet you

01:10:12.400 like how you doing

01:10:13.120 play cool

01:10:13.620 talk a little like this

01:10:14.380 don't quite finish my sentences

01:10:15.500 and then now bro

01:10:17.240 like yeah

01:10:18.540 I'm putting my mouth 1.00

01:10:19.800 over her nose 0.99

01:10:20.300 and sucking in 1.00

01:10:20.920 so her throat goes 0.79

01:10:21.600 it's like a weird thing

01:10:25.100 that I did

01:10:26.400 saying it out loud

01:10:28.580 why don't you go

01:10:31.200 calling people simps

01:10:35.060 being the big man

01:10:36.340 being the tough guy

01:10:37.380 is so

01:10:38.040 it's hot right now

01:10:38.820 it's big

01:10:39.200 it's popular

01:10:40.220 what are we looking at

01:10:40.900 why are we looking crazy

01:10:41.700 I'm just wondering

01:10:42.620 what just happened

01:10:43.520 but I'm following now

01:10:44.540 I got it

01:10:45.140 see this is the thing

01:10:45.780 people at home don't watch

01:10:46.780 we work on Brainway

01:10:47.980 I know when he's telling me to go

01:10:49.600 I'm back into it.

01:10:50.540 Oh yeah, this is not a game of snaps, alright?

01:10:52.540 This is chess, not checkers.

01:10:53.760 No, it's not. 1.00

01:10:54.460 Okay, cut the shit, Macklin. 1.00

01:10:56.660 And by the way, everyone watching this wants to hear about your aunt that got fucking abducted, 1.00

01:10:59.760 or your grandma, but we're not doing it right now. 0.97

01:11:01.660 I saw it in the comments, I saw it.

01:11:03.380 They want to know about your abducted great-grandmother.

01:11:05.020 They did, they were happy.

01:11:05.780 They were pissed off that we cut you off.

01:11:07.340 Oh yeah, yeah, they were pissed.

01:11:07.900 Ready for this?

01:11:08.580 Yeah.

01:11:10.540 All the dudes that were saying simp, simp, simp, I asked them the following question.

01:11:16.380 Do you have a girlfriend?

01:11:18.220 No, they don't.

01:11:19.300 Okay, because they're 12.

01:11:20.480 Okay. 1.00

01:11:21.840 When your fucking girlfriend tells you to take out the trash and you say, 1.00

01:11:26.660 bitch, I'm playing Warzone, you aren't going to get your dick sucked that night. 1.00

01:11:31.260 I'm sorry. 1.00

01:11:32.200 Okay, if you have any kind of stand-up chick, okay? 0.98

01:11:35.420 I'm going to take an L in that game of Warzone. 0.99

01:11:37.780 I'm going to bring the trash out.

01:11:38.960 Then I'm going to go back and play Warzone for another 12 hours, 0.99

01:11:41.840 and then I'm going to get a sloppy BJ to end my fucking night. 1.00

01:11:44.740 This is fucking chess, bitch. 1.00

01:11:47.560 This ain't fucking checkers. 1.00

01:11:49.300 except 0.98

01:11:51.680 when it affects my business

01:11:54.060 tweeted today the fifth vital drops

01:11:55.860 tonight at 12 a.m. PST

01:11:57.260 and she said OMG does that mean I can post

01:11:59.780 our picture at 12 a.m. I want

01:12:02.000 to post it I'm so excited

01:12:03.500 now a simp would have said

01:12:05.540 of course baby post it whenever you want you have 0.99

01:12:07.700 10 million followers I can't wait to get all that fucking clout 0.99

01:12:09.800 I said 1.00

01:12:10.980 nah your ass is gonna wait 1.00

01:12:13.620 and you're gonna optimize timing 1.00

01:12:15.560 for reach and engagement keep your damn 1.00

01:12:17.640 shorts on 1.00

01:12:18.340 Wow way to go

01:12:21.200 On Twitter

01:12:21.760 Public 1.00

01:12:22.200 Call me a fucking simp 1.00

01:12:24.480 I mean 1.00

01:12:24.880 I'll bring the trash out

01:12:26.120 But when it affects 1.00

01:12:26.720 My fucking views 1.00

01:12:27.760 Hell no 1.00

01:12:28.700 That might be the

01:12:29.440 The chess move

01:12:30.180 Where you put your queen

01:12:31.060 Too far forward

01:12:31.820 And totally expose her

01:12:32.640 To the world though

01:12:33.220 You kind of just

01:12:34.840 Lay her out there 1.00

01:12:35.460 Being a simp is 0.67

01:12:36.360 Being a simp is cool dude 0.90

01:12:37.980 Being a simp

01:12:38.460 For me anyways

01:12:39.680 Like I like the idea 1.00

01:12:40.740 Of a woman making me weak 1.00

01:12:42.720 I've been hard for too long

01:12:44.840 There's a difference 0.97

01:12:45.660 Between like 0.59

01:12:46.340 Being a simp 1.00

01:12:47.020 I mean shit dog 1.00

01:12:48.120 falling at the 1.00

01:12:49.020 like the heel

01:12:49.980 and beck and call

01:12:51.000 of your woman 1.00

01:12:51.500 bitch buckle my legs 1.00

01:12:53.340 nah man 1.00

01:12:54.120 cut my Achilles 0.99

01:12:55.320 and collapse me 0.75

01:12:57.000 I wanna be on the ground

01:12:58.680 for my girl

01:12:59.400 guys

01:13:00.240 alright

01:13:00.900 that is not

01:13:01.700 we are

01:13:02.080 you cannot simp

01:13:03.200 I'm gonna say something factual

01:13:05.380 for the entire world

01:13:06.460 and all the 12 year olds 0.80

01:13:07.520 to hear right 0.98

01:13:08.020 this is so fucking important 0.98

01:13:09.540 you cannot simp 0.99

01:13:13.000 for your girlfriend

01:13:14.000 that's not how 1.00

01:13:15.400 the word works 1.00

01:13:16.540 if it is your girlfriend

01:13:18.260 you cannot simp over her

01:13:20.940 a simp is a man who puts himself

01:13:23.300 in a subservient or submissive position 0.91

01:13:25.240 under women in hopes of winning 1.00

01:13:27.140 them over without the female bringing 1.00

01:13:29.240 anything to the table 0.99

01:13:30.100 the day

01:13:32.840 my girlfriend

01:13:35.340 said

01:13:36.100 Danny Airmuffs 1.00

01:13:40.120 this pussy is yours 1.00

01:13:43.500 only now 1.00

01:13:44.340 I started bringing her 0.89

01:13:46.200 breakfast in bed 1.00

01:13:46.820 every fucking day 1.00

01:13:48.320 fucking simp 1.00

01:13:49.780 fucking simp 1.00

01:13:51.000 I can't believe that 1.00

01:13:51.740 every day

01:13:53.020 her coffee

01:13:54.020 her strawberries 0.99

01:13:55.000 simp for your 1.00

01:13:56.680 fucking girls 1.00

01:13:57.380 no no no 1.00

01:13:57.860 see now 0.99

01:13:58.200 I gotta cut you off 1.00

01:13:59.300 I gotta cut you off 1.00

01:13:59.860 I gotta cut you off 1.00

01:14:00.460 because you're making

01:14:01.080 this hard for the rest of us Mike

01:14:02.120 you're making this hard

01:14:02.820 for all of us Mike

01:14:03.520 no breakfast in bed

01:14:04.060 what

01:14:04.660 no breakfast in bed 1.00

01:14:05.680 for your girl 1.00

01:14:06.080 you won't bring her 0.91

01:14:06.580 breakfast in bed

01:14:07.000 oh Mike

01:14:07.860 let me ask you a question

01:14:08.700 are you making her 0.98

01:14:10.140 breakfast in bed

01:14:10.760 or is chef Katie 1.00

01:14:11.760 making her breakfast in bed

01:14:12.600 and you're walking

01:14:13.100 from downstairs

01:14:13.760 to upstairs

01:14:14.180 Because I'll do that

01:14:15.040 I will have you know

01:14:17.660 That that coffee is brewed by hand

01:14:20.280 I don't make coffee

01:14:21.320 I put the K cup into the machine

01:14:23.440 And I push that button 0.99

01:14:24.740 Now yes, has Maria the maid 0.97

01:14:27.400 Filled that machine with water

01:14:29.540 And gotten my coffee cup for me 1.00

01:14:31.540 Why is Maria making coffee 1.00

01:14:32.580 She's a part of the process 1.00

01:14:33.620 She's so kind

01:14:34.780 She's a part of the process

01:14:36.160 Every morning she's trying to do something nice 0.98

01:14:37.800 You're making it hard for us

01:14:39.980 Don't be too nice

01:14:41.560 And I'm not even the best bro

01:14:43.120 All I'm saying is this 0.98

01:14:44.020 she told me at the beginning of this relationship simps are getting all the blowjobs in 2020 0.99

01:14:48.300 i'm telling you i'm telling you if you got a girl you got to treat her well you got to take 0.81

01:14:54.000 care of her and yeah when she acts up and says she's gonna post her instagram post early you 0.98

01:14:58.140 fucking snap that whip but if it's take out the garbage take the boys take the garbage out get 0.99

01:15:03.340 your head you had one more thought i did i don't even know if i want to say it because it's such 1.00

01:15:09.060 a small thought actually i will say it because it'll stem into this pool thing that i want i

01:15:13.000 want to address because people like hearing you talk and also i'm very curious okay and i was

01:15:17.060 there yeah all right i have this thought i'm just gonna read it happiness happiness massively stems

01:15:21.360 from the sense of accomplishment and purpose we know this we talked about it but i was stacking

01:15:25.480 these i was stacking these rocks on more rocks at the ranch just do my thing and each rock i stacked

01:15:33.220 and got it to balance i got happy gave me a little like a little rush i was like this is cool 0.98

01:15:37.400 and then you know i was five rocks high and i was like what the fuck why the fuck am i doing this 0.65

01:15:41.300 So I started like digging deep and I'm like, this is odd how this little thing is giving me these like little bursts of accomplishment. 0.95

01:15:49.120 And then I realized that most of the things in life that made me happy stem from accomplishing something.

01:15:56.160 So even it's like we've seen the articles or the viral videos on Facebook, like wake up in the morning.

01:16:01.500 The first thing you do, make your bed.

01:16:03.300 You know what I'm saying?

01:16:04.060 We've seen that.

01:16:04.760 And it's these little things, these little things that you can accomplish, whether it's mowing the lawn, getting something done, completing your homework even.

01:16:14.360 When I was a kid, those got me to the next phase.

01:16:18.160 And a lot of people in life are unhappy because they don't know what they're doing.

01:16:21.600 They're lost.

01:16:22.280 They have no purpose.

01:16:24.040 So if you can fill that void with doing something that's going to make you feel accomplished, even in the slightest degree,

01:16:32.520 Even like spending the whole weekend building a pool on a lake that's going to be dug out

01:16:37.500 and will no longer be a pool in a month or two.

01:16:40.220 I got reasons why I did that.

01:16:41.780 I'm so excited to hear context.

01:16:44.200 At the ranch, we have a spot for a lake.

01:16:46.820 It filled with a mudslide.

01:16:47.720 We're going to make it a lake again.

01:16:49.440 But Max spent quite literally the entire weekend building a probably like what?

01:16:54.020 Like a four foot by 10 foot little in ground pool.

01:16:57.780 It's like six feet wide, maybe 15 feet long.

01:17:02.960 It drains itself.

01:17:04.160 It's got intake.

01:17:05.020 It's got output.

01:17:05.820 It's got all these things.

01:17:06.620 This is a car you're talking about.

01:17:08.000 No, no, no.

01:17:09.220 But the reason I did it was, first of all, I talk about it on my channel.

01:17:12.620 You can check that out.

01:17:14.200 What's the channel called?

01:17:15.220 It's just Macklin.

01:17:16.120 You'll find me.

01:17:16.740 At Instagram.

01:17:17.760 At that too.

01:17:18.740 But yeah, so the reason why I did it was because I actually want to build a pool later in life.

01:17:23.120 So I thought this would be good practice to figure out how that works

01:17:25.560 and what it means to have a river divert into a pool of water.

01:17:29.040 Oh, that actually makes sense.

01:17:30.920 Also, because I thought it would be great after a long, hot day,

01:17:33.060 we all just go jump in in a nice, clean space that's been designated to be a pool.

01:17:37.660 You were the only one that went in, in the dogs.

01:17:39.660 Kelly went in.

01:17:40.500 You made a pool for dogs.

01:17:41.380 The GP will go in.

01:17:42.600 But no, the thing is, man, I gave myself something to do,

01:17:44.720 and giving myself something to do gave me something to accomplish.

01:17:47.760 And once I had a purpose, I had drive and energy to do it.

01:17:51.740 It's crazy, bro.

01:17:53.200 It's that simple.

01:17:53.860 It's that simple.

01:17:54.900 So is it being task-driven?

01:17:56.600 Is that what you're saying?

01:17:57.540 Give yourself something to do.

01:17:58.880 Something to accomplish.

01:17:59.460 And I saw you pacing the cabin at night. 1.00

01:18:02.120 We're all majorly fucked up. 0.98

01:18:04.400 And I'm like, what do you think about it, dude? 0.99

01:18:05.360 You're just like, I can't stop thinking about my pool.

01:18:07.280 I couldn't stop thinking about the pool.

01:18:08.740 And then I started thinking about space helmets.

01:18:10.480 And then it was just like, there was a lot going on that weekend.

01:18:12.320 Yeah, I caught him drawing space helmets.

01:18:13.620 I go, what are you doing?

01:18:14.140 He's like, drawing space helmets.

01:18:15.140 And they're actually sick.

01:18:15.860 You want to know why he was doing that?

01:18:17.160 I'd love to.

01:18:17.820 Because you're going to be wearing one of those when you go to Mars to fight that gorilla.

01:18:20.540 Boom.

01:18:20.860 Boom.

01:18:21.140 That's it.

01:18:21.920 It's not because I need you to open the email and drag the picture I just sent over to you.

01:18:25.860 Boy.

01:18:27.500 Sorry to do it to you, brother.

01:18:30.100 What a day.

01:18:31.080 All right.

01:18:31.840 Here we go. 0.83

01:18:32.800 Drag and drop.

01:18:34.000 Drag and drop. 0.98

01:18:34.600 Oh, beautiful.

01:18:35.580 They said push the everything button for Mike this week.

01:18:39.780 They said push the everything button.

01:18:42.580 They said push the everything.

01:18:44.000 They said Mike's going to be Mike on Twitter, not just Instagram, not just every.

01:18:48.780 He's Mike.

01:18:49.800 We know this, man.

01:18:51.040 We can verify for certain that is him.

01:18:53.840 The everything button.

01:18:55.440 What happened? 1.00

01:18:55.900 Give it all to the motherfucker, dude. 1.00

01:18:58.500 One week, overnight success. 1.00

01:19:01.420 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:19:02.220 I told you I'd make that happen. 1.00

01:19:04.000 Shout out Logan Paul.

01:19:04.720 Shout out Johnny from Shots.

01:19:07.180 There were a lot of people.

01:19:08.220 Shout out Greg Barrett.

01:19:08.840 Shout out Greg Barrett.

01:19:09.960 Shout out everyone on the Twitter team.

01:19:11.180 There were a lot of people working to make that happen. 0.99

01:19:14.000 Damn. 0.99

01:19:14.920 All right. 1.00

01:19:15.160 Well, that's the show.

01:19:16.240 Thanks for listening.

01:19:17.740 Subscribe.

01:19:18.600 Bye.

01:19:19.640 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

01:19:22.180 We have a new podcast.

01:19:23.580 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

01:19:24.980 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

01:19:26.120 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

01:19:30.060 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references,

01:19:34.700 occasionally different opinions.

01:19:35.700 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

01:19:38.960 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes, Good Taste is my business.

01:19:44.000 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:19:50.740 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

01:19:56.480 The true crime comedy podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it.

01:20:00.880 Each week, I bring on an amazing guest.

01:20:02.780 Ooh, I scammed them.

01:20:03.960 What?

01:20:04.420 I could talk to you for an hour.

01:20:05.940 You're a generational yapper, like me.

01:20:07.960 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

01:20:09.960 And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

01:20:12.820 Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:20:42.820 halloween it's right up next to the microphone i hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each

01:20:48.220 other you never seen italy so quiet as when the pope gets up to wink on halloween listen to artists

01:20:54.760 on artists on artists on artists every thursday on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever

01:20:59.900 you get your podcasts i'm hamza and i'm martin and we're the hosts of out of character the funniest

01:21:04.900 podcast in the entire world the russian queen i like that it's a good way to promote ourselves

01:21:11.980 We are two funny guys having fun, enjoying ourselves.

01:21:15.340 And we just know how to have fun, unlike anyone else.

01:21:17.980 If you guys like fun conversations, hot takes, what else?

01:21:22.340 Not too hot, just kind of lukewarm.

01:21:24.140 Lukewarm takes.

01:21:24.480 Just to get your mind thinking a little bit.

01:21:26.400 Listen to Out of Character on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Impaulsive with Logan Paul - May 07, 2020

E182 Logan Paul is a Simp, The Best Way to Die, Kidnapping Monkeys - IMPAULSIVE EP. 182

Episode Stats

Transcript