Impaulsive with Logan Paul - E228 We Got Roasted By Jo Koy

00:00:00.260 Breaking story from Alpine News Network.

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00:00:30.480 Lisa, tell them about our new show.

00:00:33.060 We have a new podcast.

00:00:34.480 It's called Don't Lie to Me.

00:00:35.860 I'm Lexi Iwanu.

00:00:37.020 We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

00:00:40.980 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one,

00:00:43.360 which means we have wildly different references,

00:00:45.600 occasionally different opinions.

00:00:46.920 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

00:00:49.700 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes,

00:00:52.720 Good Taste is my business.

00:00:54.900 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

00:00:57.800 or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:01:00.000 i'm hamza and i'm martin and we're the hosts of out of character the best podcast in the world

00:01:06.340 is that what they said wait they said that yeah yeah they said that the best podcast with two

00:01:11.100 best friends who jabber and talk about topical trendy funny stuff give our input on it that's

00:01:16.580 what you've needed i think up until now listener listen out of character on the iheart radio app

00:01:21.280 apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast sometimes i just feel like a burden you're a bird

00:01:26.340 You fly. You're a Martin.

00:01:27.860 And we are Out of Character Podcast.

00:01:30.060 Dude, you messed up the clip.

00:01:31.940 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

00:01:37.520 The true crime comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it.

00:01:41.920 Each week I bring on an amazing guest.

00:01:43.800 Ooh, I scammed them.

00:01:45.000 What?

00:01:45.460 I could talk to you for an hour.

00:01:46.980 You're a generational yapper, like me.

00:01:49.000 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

00:01:50.980 And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

00:01:53.860 Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app,

00:01:57.240 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

00:02:01.940 Here's the thing.

00:02:02.500 How old are you?

00:02:03.100 You're very young.

00:02:03.760 50.

00:02:04.220 No, no.

00:02:04.720 35.

00:02:05.160 I didn't say how old do you look.

00:02:06.380 I said how old are you?

00:02:09.220 I'm 50, and I don't look it.

00:02:10.760 But you look like what I'm supposed to look like.

00:02:20.240 We got nominated for a streamer again two years in a row, ladies and gentlemen.

00:02:23.120 Oh wow

00:02:24.300 That's the first time I've ever been nominated

00:02:27.000 Even though it probably wasn't me

00:02:29.960 Congratulations

00:02:30.560 Collectively we got nominated

00:02:34.160 For three Maverick Team Maverick

00:02:36.340 Maverick Media

00:02:37.140 Impulsive Podcast of the Year got nominated

00:02:40.020 I got nominated for first person

00:02:42.520 What does that mean?

00:02:44.360 I thought it meant that the person

00:02:46.300 Holds the camera but you don't do that

00:02:48.040 I don't do that

00:02:48.640 Would you prefer that they reclassify

00:02:52.160 nomination or take your nomination away completely indifferent completely indifferent the one i care

00:02:56.920 about even probably more than the show hayden hayden my editor got nominated for editing

00:03:02.820 well deserved i'm so i'm so happy for him that one that one i'll put my foot down real hard

00:03:10.700 and say he he he really deserves to win that he editors in general on youtube aren't recognized

00:03:17.720 it enough i think and and they do a lot of work it's a hard job and hayden specifically man he's

00:03:24.160 put me through the ringer i put him through the ringer like whether it was the daily vlogging

00:03:28.480 the the music videos with the 24-hour turnaround time the documentaries three four of them at this

00:03:33.700 point um the man is so versatile like the other editors and is in the category are very good oh

00:03:40.500 my god they're very good casey's in there but but but hayden's versatility versatility is second to

00:03:45.860 none like like the fact that he can go from yo a long form documentary to a short form little fluff

00:03:53.160 four minute 20 second vlog to a music video um to to like a comedy sketch like the man does it all

00:04:00.840 the man does it all at the highest level on the internet and it's fantastic so like i'm i'm putting

00:04:06.740 my eggs in that basket i want him to win obviously i want us to win too impulsive it'll be cool if we

00:04:10.600 won pockets of the year twice in a row does it go to so the funny thing i noticed immediately was

00:04:15.380 is that it was, I'm pretty sure,

00:04:17.000 the same exact nominees as last year.

00:04:18.440 It was close.

00:04:19.760 Oh, the only one that's missing is Tiny Meat Gang. 0.78

00:04:21.680 They really... 0.99

00:04:22.740 I'm going to be honest with you.

00:04:23.640 Actually, I'll put my foot down and say

00:04:24.840 we should probably win that podcast.

00:04:26.520 1,000% have to win it.

00:04:28.580 You guys have me now.

00:04:30.080 If you didn't, it would literally be my fault.

00:04:32.660 No, we're just like, we're really on it.

00:04:35.260 Two podcasts a week, guest-based,

00:04:38.260 viewership through the roof,

00:04:40.840 listenership through the roof.

00:04:42.120 Versatility again.

00:04:42.500 6ix9ine, Sud Guru, Dave Portnoy,

00:04:45.120 Like all in the past

00:04:46.020 Couple months

00:04:46.380 Like dude

00:04:47.160 Who else is

00:04:47.900 The question is simply put

00:04:49.120 Who else is doing it

00:04:50.020 Like for some reason

00:04:51.100 They don't put Rogan on there

00:04:52.320 Which always seems so weird 1.00

00:04:54.280 Because he'd kick our ass 1.00

00:04:55.600 Absolutely 1.00

00:04:56.120 I'm actually happy

00:04:57.400 He's not in the movie

00:04:58.120 Yeah for sure

00:04:58.800 Yeah

00:04:59.140 But I almost feel like

00:05:00.340 They gotta hand it to us

00:05:01.720 What if he's just so big

00:05:03.180 That you're like

00:05:03.740 No let's just give people a chance

00:05:05.760 Well this year

00:05:06.960 It makes sense

00:05:07.420 Because he's Spotify exclusive now

00:05:09.240 Or on the way to that

00:05:10.880 And so it makes sense this year

00:05:12.240 But last year

00:05:13.260 Does it matter though?

00:05:14.320 No it does

00:05:15.100 but it feels like they're only nominating people

00:05:17.440 that have a YouTube presence.

00:05:18.700 Is that the case?

00:05:19.560 I think that's the point of the streamies.

00:05:21.740 It's like web-based, which is cool.

00:05:23.680 It's cool to be.

00:05:24.220 But he still pulls huge numbers on YouTube.

00:05:27.020 He's web-based.

00:05:28.020 He's the biggest.

00:05:28.720 But also, I think they're a little more apt

00:05:32.160 to nominate people who will show up to the award show.

00:05:36.080 I could bet all my bottom dollars

00:05:38.160 that Joe Rogan is not showing up to the streaming awards.

00:05:40.420 Do you want to know why I noticed

00:05:42.000 what you're saying is exactly true?

00:05:43.580 Dude, do they have any UK or international?

00:05:45.900 There's one international category, right?

00:05:47.800 Well, they have them in different countries.

00:05:49.180 They have them in different countries.

00:05:50.180 Oh, you can also send in a video.

00:05:51.580 I'm talking about like mainstream celebrity type.

00:05:54.300 The streamings are interesting, dude.

00:05:55.560 Like, did you see the nominees for creator of the year?

00:05:58.680 I didn't see any of them. 0.98

00:05:59.680 Like, I don't want to shit on anyone. 0.97

00:06:00.820 I'm just going to like watch what I say here. 0.92

00:06:04.020 But if Mr. Beast does not win creator of the year, yo, I'm hurling my lifeless body off a balcony.

00:06:11.000 I'm just going to say that dude is on it.

00:06:13.580 No one has made, no one ever has made YouTube, internet, real life impact more than Mr. Beast.

00:06:22.280 Yeah, that's a fact.

00:06:22.820 His business, his content, his philanthropy.

00:06:27.980 Like, this kid's making a dent in the universe.

00:06:30.240 But I also want to talk about who he's up against.

00:06:33.200 Like, quickly, like, David Dobrik and his YouTube, no offense, David Dobrik is potentially the best creator in the world.

00:06:40.880 But I don't know if anybody noticed, he doesn't create content. 0.51

00:06:43.580 anymore especially on youtube so why the fuck is he nominated against mr beast it's kind of like 0.81

00:06:49.580 when you do a movie and you release it in january but like all the way in december that's my question 0.69

00:06:54.520 is this not is this for 29th no yeah it's not i don't know when the cutoff was because also i'll

00:06:59.660 give a little push back here uh for the nominees for the best live stream my pokemon live stream

00:07:05.480 wasn't on it that affected me i was a little hurt i thought it was a great life it's probably gonna

00:07:09.620 me next year i don't think it's best live stream event i is is it i think it's best live streamer

00:07:13.840 no no no no no there was like a lot there was like a live stream event um live special right

00:07:19.080 there live special see mr beast 250 000 rock paper scissors but no logan paul loves pokey mains

00:07:26.800 pokemon but uh yeah yeah yeah so that'll be interesting let's see how this one plays out

00:07:32.140 we wish uh best of luck to all the creators and nominees nominated for the streaming award

00:07:37.600 Let's hope we win again.

00:07:39.020 We got a great guest today.

00:07:40.180 Ladies and gentlemen, you got this guest.

00:07:42.460 Good for you, Georgie.

00:07:43.660 I'm excited about this guest.

00:07:44.820 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:45.260 Immediate my favorite one.

00:07:46.800 Really?

00:07:47.500 Even though it has not happened yet.

00:07:48.780 I've watched his stuff over and over to watch how he moves, how he acts, how he delivers.

00:07:53.900 I'm going to steal everything that he does and then make so much money off of it.

00:07:59.240 So thank you for that, Joe.

00:08:00.800 Fantastic.

00:08:01.240 This Filipino-American is one of the biggest comedians in the world, 0.98

00:08:04.560 selling out stadium after stadium

00:08:06.400 from number one on the billboard charts for stand-up comedy

00:08:08.580 to Jimmy Fallon's Tonight Show, The Late Late Show

00:08:10.440 with James Corden, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and just about

00:08:12.380 every other mainstream media outlet.

00:08:14.640 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Joe Coy.

00:08:17.620 Yes.

00:08:19.900 Yes.

00:08:20.420 Here we go.

00:08:22.160 Georgie loves you. I know, man.

00:08:23.880 He loves you. And he gave me the headphones.

00:08:26.860 Yeah, of course. He sacrificed his

00:08:28.400 headphones for yours.

00:08:30.220 That's love. It is. When he says,

00:08:32.120 fuck it, give it to the guest, I'll go 1.00

00:08:34.140 rogue you're a lover too i'm a lover you came in and hugged everyone i try to shake your hand you 1.00

00:08:38.880 know i was doing that you know i've done that my whole career one i'm just i'm creepy okay so like

00:08:44.140 when i like i'll leave uh a public bathroom and not wash the hand yeah and and i know that there's

00:08:51.060 others that do that as well mike i know you okay especially okay and like i don't first of all i

00:08:56.460 know i'm creepy i don't want to engage in creepy behavior first of all how dare you call me out 0.87

00:09:02.400 the second am i lying second of all you're 100 okay so now it's not a fucking lie it's just 0.99

00:09:08.860 what we do no it's fucked up wait you hug me you brush the back of my head like this i don't and 0.99

00:09:13.180 that's fine because that's a towel that's a towel that's where piss goes on a towel but to give me 1.00

00:09:19.360 your piss and i just met you yeah yeah man go fuck yourself can we talk about this for a second yes 1.00

00:09:24.360 by the way you're very funny thank you yeah yeah yeah i'm nothing compared to how funny you are 1.00

00:09:29.540 So let's get that out of the way

00:09:30.540 Hey Mike, I know

00:09:30.980 We're off to a good start

00:09:34.720 We're off to a good start

00:09:36.320 But at least you said I'm somewhat funny

00:09:38.280 No, you're very funny

00:09:39.540 Can we focus on the piss thing for one second

00:09:43.060 In the age of COVID

00:09:44.620 Now I was never big on washing the hands after

00:09:47.560 But in the age of COVID

00:09:49.360 If you unzip your pants 1.00

00:09:51.500 You barely kind of touch your penis 1.00

00:09:54.260 You pee in a stall 1.00

00:09:55.480 And then you walk away

00:09:56.760 Do you think it's more sanitary

00:09:58.340 to then touch the handle on the toilet flush it i never go go and then go and then turn the hot

00:10:03.980 water faucet on stick your hand and push the soap thing in that 43 back of the knuckles back of the

00:10:10.000 knuckles back of the knuckles all of them when so when i shake your hand and i'm like on the back

00:10:14.120 no no no i'll use my feet to get out of the back i do do that i do too and and mike i'm sorry to

00:10:19.680 interrupt you because it was very poignant what you're saying but like my son is proof that i've

00:10:24.620 taught my son to flush the toilet with his foot because when he went to preschool and they teach

00:10:29.600 the kids how to pee yeah and publicly they there's video of my son putting his foot on the on the on

00:10:36.200 the i got video evidence and the teacher got mad and i'm like don't get mad at him no it's not 0.99

00:10:40.640 that's how you fucking flush a toilet especially little kids they got shit on their fingertips 1.00

00:10:46.880 not pee kids in the preschool have human shit on their fingertips they don't give a fuck they don't 1.00

00:10:54.180 give a fuck why do you think pink eye only exist pre-k to like to sixth grade we had a whole 1.00

00:11:00.400 outbreak here in the house about a year ago now it was during a different time pre-girlfriends 0.99

00:11:05.360 it was a very messy phase yeah but we but we had oh that's great right here i'm sorry but we had 0.99

00:11:10.960 but we had a pink eye i wasn't even butt i wasn't yeah we had a pink eye what the fuck are you doing 0.95

00:11:16.140 i didn't bring it in she's right there though he was he was the culprit i know but she's here 0.99

00:11:20.900 You're saying there's an outbreak

00:11:22.880 It was a year and a half ago

00:11:24.900 What I'm saying is she doesn't need to hear

00:11:27.260 What was happening before she got here

00:11:29.220 I know how I got it

00:11:30.640 My dog goes on my pillow 0.99

00:11:33.200 And wipes his butthole on my pillow 0.98

00:11:35.280 You know what 1.00

00:11:36.240 I like you Logan but you can't keep blaming shit on the dog 1.00

00:11:39.820 Like the dog 1.00

00:11:41.120 The maverick rest in peace

00:11:42.860 You know what I'm saying 1.00

00:11:43.960 But you can't keep blaming it on the fucking dog 1.00

00:11:46.400 Maybe it was your fucking fault 1.00

00:11:48.300 The pink eye outbreak 1.00

00:11:50.560 Maybe not the dog maybe with someone else's shit on your pillow. Have you ever thought of that? 1.00

00:11:55.420 I have and it does concern me if you're it's a valid point, but it would just makes no sense

00:12:00.280 He's the only one that makes complete sense 0.99

00:12:02.620 I don't think whose ass is on my pillow. How about you tell us? I have no ass on my pillow 0.99

00:12:09.580 Well, come on man. I mean, I know she's here, but 0.99

00:12:13.560 Baby, I got no ass on my pillow. You gotta believe me. No, no, no, not now. No more ass. No even back then 0.99

00:12:18.360 I'm big on pillows, Joe.

00:12:21.680 Look around.

00:12:22.360 I got so many pillows.

00:12:24.020 By the way, I made a pillow.

00:12:25.920 Did we?

00:12:26.580 Or is that a pun? 1.00

00:12:27.480 Are you doing a fucking horrible pun? 1.00

00:12:29.240 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:12:30.200 I'm a master of all the puns.

00:12:32.260 Jesus Christ.

00:12:33.240 Come out with a pun book, Mike. 1.00

00:12:34.480 Bro, kids don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:12:35.780 Kids, I see kids in airports crawling around on the floor, right? 1.00

00:12:40.000 It's bad.

00:12:40.360 And I'm not a germaphobe.

00:12:42.500 I know you are.

00:12:43.320 But these kids will be crawling around on the floor and then like licking their hands.

00:12:46.980 Oh, yeah.

00:12:47.240 Right?

00:12:47.380 And in the age of COVID though

00:12:49.780 You're still just hugging

00:12:50.860 No hands wash

00:12:52.080 Hugging around 1.00

00:12:52.700 It's just

00:12:53.540 I'm probably going to get a lot of heat for this

00:12:56.220 Am I?

00:12:57.640 Speak up

00:12:57.940 Yeah for sure

00:12:58.640 Then let's just edit this

00:13:00.200 We'll take it out completely

00:13:01.520 No I just

00:13:02.720 I don't know man

00:13:03.800 I mean it's tricky

00:13:06.280 It is tricky

00:13:07.360 I have been tested

00:13:08.780 You know I just shot another show for Netflix

00:13:10.820 And literally it's COVID test every three days

00:13:13.260 And I just wrapped

00:13:14.460 So the only one I'm really scared about

00:13:17.180 In here is Mike

00:13:18.460 And that's about it

00:13:19.800 It makes sense

00:13:20.420 But other than that

00:13:21.660 I'm pretty sure

00:13:22.240 You don't have COVID

00:13:23.240 No

00:13:23.660 Look at his hair

00:13:24.340 Yeah his hair is always nice

00:13:25.700 I did have it though

00:13:27.040 I did have it

00:13:28.060 Yeah yeah yeah

00:13:28.640 But honestly

00:13:29.280 Why didn't you say that

00:13:29.960 Before I went in

00:13:30.700 Well you grabbed me 0.96

00:13:31.780 And licked my ear 0.94

00:13:32.720 Nope

00:13:32.940 That's impossible to do

00:13:34.200 I was sitting down

00:13:35.000 Inside the car

00:13:35.800 To physically grab you

00:13:37.240 You pulled me into the car

00:13:37.940 You leaned in

00:13:38.940 Like a fast food worker 1.00

00:13:40.960 You got your ass 1.00

00:13:42.580 You got your ass beat 1.00

00:13:42.840 As much as 1.00

00:13:43.020 You're like Mr. Koi 0.73

00:13:43.860 Mr. Koi

00:13:45.680 Would you like your size

00:13:46.720 Would you like any sauce with that, Mr. Coy?

00:13:49.700 Hi, Mr. Coy.

00:13:52.120 Nice car.

00:13:53.800 Yo, he came in here.

00:13:55.660 He goes, yo, we got a bit of a problem.

00:13:56.720 He's driving a nice car.

00:13:57.620 I was like, okay.

00:13:58.700 And he goes, well, he's not going to park on the street.

00:14:01.200 Can we open the gate for him?

00:14:01.980 And he made us open the gate for you to park your car.

00:14:04.520 I love you, man.

00:14:05.360 COVID.

00:14:06.120 Yeah.

00:14:07.480 He really likes and respects you.

00:14:09.020 Aw, I love you, man.

00:14:10.160 No, see, like, yeah, yeah.

00:14:12.580 Why did you?

00:14:14.500 Didn't you reach out to him?

00:14:15.800 No.

00:14:16.120 No, I reached out to him

00:14:17.740 Hey man, I'm successful 0.98

00:14:19.760 Are you fucking kidding me, Logan? 0.97

00:14:22.760 That doesn't mean you can't 1.00

00:14:23.500 What the fuck? 1.00

00:14:25.000 We're in the garage of your house 1.00

00:14:27.040 And you're calling it a studio

00:14:28.460 If you don't say that, no, no, no

00:14:30.060 I swear to God, the angles

00:14:32.200 This is a universal line

00:14:33.820 What are you talking about right now?

00:14:35.860 There's double security

00:14:36.960 You're acting like there's armed guards, Logan 1.00

00:14:38.780 It's a fucking button, bro 1.00

00:14:40.260 There's a button that's attached to your fucking visor 1.00

00:14:43.060 And guess what? 1.00

00:14:43.920 Hey man, can I get the keys to your cards?

00:14:46.120 can open the button doesn't work doesn't work you act to manually open there's people in their

00:14:50.440 boxer shorts running the cameras bro i've never stopped i've never seen anybody stop logan yo 0.97

00:14:56.240 he's shitting on both of you guys i'm gonna get pink guy again at this point it's coming for you 0.95

00:15:01.520 that was a good pun that was a good pun thank you so i love you man you brought it back that was 0.98

00:15:05.280 yeah you brought that back but uh there's nothing wrong with acknowledging up and coming uh young

00:15:10.220 creators with potential but i mean i was mistaken so why did you respond though because you're right

00:15:14.320 you are successful oh no you know this man the time of day i'm doing this right now uh as fun

00:15:19.760 but you guys are very talented i right the minute i came in here mike i said you were very funny

00:15:24.080 george i think you're funny you you're you know you were talking about uh you know the the award

00:15:29.340 that stream yeah i'm sorry but uh no because i don't know that world i'm old you know what i 0.85

00:15:35.020 mean like when you were talking about kids walking around the airport touching shit i'm like hey 0.52

00:15:38.340 i'm a dad i know i know what you're talking about but like i don't understand your world but i know 0.93

00:15:43.620 you've crushed it and i respect that like what you guys have done is uh amazing i was thinking

00:15:49.420 about this the other day it's like um that's where we're at now you guys are you were ahead of the

00:15:54.200 pack and and not only are you guys ahead but you you understood the business which is crazy because

00:16:00.820 now you see these other cats that are these kids that are coming up and i don't think they

00:16:05.060 understand the business you're spot on you're spot on they're they're running with something

00:16:08.720 that you guys laid down like a batch and and you know amanda and yourself and and you guys laid it

00:16:13.900 down so hard and you were responsible with that you're responsible i want to make sure i'm saying

00:16:18.100 that clearly you were very responsible with that and i don't think they understand that you know 0.97

00:16:22.900 there's a lot of kids out there that go oh yeah logan just grabs a camera and it's fucking hit 0.93

00:16:27.940 no we're just talking about if you turn these cameras around and see the responsibility that 0.97

00:16:32.740 these guys have then it's it's it's more than that it's a business bro you know and you guys 0.92

00:16:37.960 are fucking good i i i told i tell batch this all the time and i i i learn you know i'm i'm i'm 50 0.65

00:16:44.060 but i learn i watch and i learn and and and that's that's that's the one thing a lot of people fail 0.99

00:16:49.260 to do in hollywood is respect the come up like you can hate anybody you want but respect what

00:16:55.020 they did respect and and uh possibly possibly possibly reset yeah yeah but learn sure sure 1.00

00:17:02.500 people are so quick to hate you know i mean instead of just fucking learning like yo fuck 0.99

00:17:07.300 Logan he got all that shit like he got a studio he got all them but yeah he got it but where was 1.00

00:17:12.580 he what 10 years ago I don't know what it was but where were you before that and then we and then 0.99

00:17:18.100 respect what it took to get here don't go here and just start hating on it well I respect that 0.58

00:17:23.980 fucking hustle and grunt I appreciate that on behalf of on behalf of all the like new age media 0.91

00:17:27.960 kids like we we really appreciate that and and also vice versa uh I know he like he studies you 0.99

00:17:33.500 I try

00:17:34.700 But I'm not a stand up comedian

00:17:36.520 Like both these guys

00:17:37.320 Have the potential

00:17:38.040 Yeah you're a boxer

00:17:38.800 Sort of

00:17:40.320 No that was a joke

00:17:41.700 Jesus Christ you guys

00:17:44.760 Come on 0.98

00:17:46.120 Stop it 1.00

00:17:47.800 What the fuck 1.00

00:17:49.540 Logan you know the difference 1.00

00:17:51.420 Between a

00:17:52.120 A compliment

00:17:53.640 And a

00:17:54.260 A joke

00:17:55.320 Wait hold on

00:17:55.780 I like

00:17:56.440 I said sort

00:17:57.840 By the way

00:17:58.700 I bought

00:17:59.080 By the way

00:17:59.500 I bought your last pay per view fight 1.00

00:18:00.940 Alright so shut the fuck up Joe 1.00

00:18:02.300 You are fucking you are you look good you fucking look good. You're lying now. No, I'm not. I will put money on the next fight. Who are you fighting? 1.00

00:18:24.300 Hold on. I'm far ahead of you guys. I'm three steps ahead. That was the joke. He said I was setting you up. I was wanting him to say who and then

00:18:32.300 I'm not going to put money on that fight. 1.00

00:18:34.200 But you guys fucked up. 1.00

00:18:35.020 You walked on the joke. 1.00

00:18:35.760 Four jokes ahead.

00:18:36.560 Yeah, I'm four.

00:18:37.220 It's a chess move, bro.

00:18:38.340 It's like improv. 1.00

00:18:39.140 He set us up for the, but we're fucking. 0.99

00:18:40.700 It's okay. 0.99

00:18:41.440 It's a tough fight to talk.

00:18:42.900 This is a dojo.

00:18:44.420 Okay.

00:18:45.220 And the master as well.

00:18:46.620 No, seriously.

00:18:48.280 Seriously.

00:18:48.700 No, I'm joking.

00:18:49.140 But no, but how have you gotten so good?

00:18:51.000 Is it just experience?

00:18:51.940 I always ask comedians this.

00:18:52.900 Are you naturally funny?

00:18:54.120 Yeah.

00:18:54.520 Okay.

00:18:54.920 Well, you are too.

00:18:55.920 Not as, not, nah.

00:18:57.100 I mean, I'm like, nah, no.

00:18:58.420 Okay, stop that.

00:18:59.420 You're baiting.

00:19:00.160 You are good.

00:19:00.900 You know that

00:19:01.380 I'm not

00:19:01.700 You're baiting

00:19:03.180 You're baiting

00:19:03.560 I'm not baiting 1.00

00:19:04.520 Logan you're fucking funny 0.97

00:19:06.300 You're naturally 0.99

00:19:06.920 He's the master baited

00:19:08.140 I'm moderately

00:19:09.140 Moderately comedic

00:19:10.900 I'm not

00:19:11.300 I don't think people would go

00:19:12.640 Oh that gets funny

00:19:13.560 My content's funny

00:19:14.620 Does that make sense

00:19:15.320 I can

00:19:15.880 Yeah but you gotta be funny

00:19:16.740 I can conceptualize 0.99

00:19:18.780 I remember the shit you did on 1.00

00:19:20.640 Oh no 1.00

00:19:21.520 What was it called

00:19:22.440 Vine

00:19:23.160 Yeah Vine

00:19:23.980 When you used to do those 0.99

00:19:25.020 I was like god damn 0.99

00:19:26.060 This dude's good 0.99

00:19:26.760 It would make me so mad

00:19:27.920 Because I'm like

00:19:28.460 Like you only have

00:19:30.540 how many seconds was that nine six and he had six and a half to come up with a like this this

00:19:35.620 premise and also hit the joke hard and i'm just like i don't get it i i was trying so hard i just

00:19:40.840 boot myself off i was like i'm done because i'm old no no there's a difference i'm old i can

00:19:47.340 conceptualize funny yeah this makes sense i can like come up with a funny bit and like act it out

00:19:52.260 and uh yeah sometimes make a good joke but y'all are like real life funny like he's a storyteller 0.84

00:19:57.520 yeah but you're but you're fucking funny dude like growing up no one none of my like parents 0.85

00:20:04.540 friends would say i'm like funny yeah and that's why i don't really like your parents friends okay 0.98

00:20:09.260 you know what i mean you shouldn't either don't buy them gifts you're rich now don't buy them 0.98

00:20:13.620 gifts and if they say something go where the fuck were you when i wanted people to say i was funny 0.98

00:20:17.700 you know what i mean yeah yeah when they go hey logan like can my daughter no my daughter can't 0.99

00:20:24.360 get an autograph no fuck you okay where was i where were you when i was doing the splits being 0.99

00:20:29.200 funny out front yeah and you you guys never say anything encouraging it weren't is your circle 0.99

00:20:35.220 smaller now it's always been small yeah so is mine mine mine is really really small like uh less

00:20:43.520 than 10 it's less than 10 good yeah and and and yeah of course george um yeah right but no but

00:20:51.640 You get you get to that point right sure you just you you're I hate to say it but trust is gone

00:20:58.140 No new friends. Yeah, it's it's hard. It's hard

00:21:01.800 So hard because you you you'll pick up on on subtleties. Is that right? Where you can hear it under there's

00:21:08.260 There's this language and then you hear something underneath it and you're like, and I don't know if that's me being a little too

00:21:15.580 Paranoid paranoid. Yeah. Yeah. Well smoking weed. Yeah, but I I'm like

00:21:20.120 that i'm on dude it's hard for me to date it's hard for me to are you single yeah and it's hard

00:21:26.040 it's just hard for me do you want to date crazy dude i don't know i i you know i'm in a really

00:21:31.120 good place right now and it took me you know it took me 30 years i started in 89 so it'll be 31

00:21:36.160 uh real soon and and you know my son is my priority so it's like there's there's this order

00:21:42.320 you know i mean there's my son my son's mom and then family you know and i'm not married to my

00:21:47.360 son's mom but like i like that's that's just the responsibility like i want my son to be happy and

00:21:53.340 the only way you can do that is make his mommy happy right yeah but you uh talking about his 0.99

00:21:59.180 dick in front of millions of people yeah maybe it does go say that again but you talking about 1.00

00:22:06.220 his dick in front of millions of people he's not he's probably not the happiest yeah george is 1.00

00:22:11.060 drunk and i think i think okay so what do you want to be truthful on stage or do you want to 1.00

00:22:17.640 or do you want to like because it's one thing to embellish on everything but it's you know that's

00:22:21.560 what we do as comics but i also want to tell my truth right yeah so and when i when i tell my

00:22:27.160 truth i like i don't want to hold back on my son but i also want to make sure that my son knows

00:22:31.440 that i did it as well like that joke i wrote that joke when he was just becoming 12 so it was really

00:22:37.740 sensitive and i noticed when i brought him to the clubs he wasn't laughing when i was doing it

00:22:42.460 you know what i mean because he was innocent when he came out of the pool and said dad like don't

00:22:47.160 you hate it when the pubic hair wraps around and i was like what you got pubic hairs like i didn't 0.97

00:22:52.520 know that's how i learned about the whole it tickled his butt yeah tickled it tickled my butt 0.99

00:22:58.080 and i'm like and as a dad i was like oh shit he's becoming a man but and i was doing that on stage 0.99

00:23:04.680 And he was not having it 0.98

00:23:06.080 Because that was a private conversation

00:23:07.460 He still didn't know what dad did

00:23:08.780 You didn't tell him?

00:23:09.940 No

00:23:10.040 So you're actively exploiting your life

00:23:12.740 Yes

00:23:13.060 Welcome to the club

00:23:13.900 Yes

00:23:14.160 That's all we do

00:23:14.820 It's horrible

00:23:15.160 That's what we do

00:23:15.740 And who doesn't though, right?

00:23:17.760 But I will say this

00:23:19.980 On Coming In Hot

00:23:21.260 Is when I did that joke

00:23:22.440 And

00:23:23.100 Well, I did the other version of that joke

00:23:25.180 And then

00:23:25.900 I wasn't going to do it

00:23:28.280 Unless he said I was going to do it

00:23:29.540 And I didn't ask him

00:23:30.500 Like I literally was going to go in

00:23:32.820 And close with a different joke

00:23:34.060 and uh and he walked up to me he goes dad are you gonna do that joke about and and you know you

00:23:39.160 know what it is and then i go yes i know i didn't say yes i go i don't know should i and then he

00:23:43.700 goes dad is gonna crush and and then i was like oh oh 100 joke and i hugged him and i was like

00:23:49.920 thank you so much but i made sure to like write it in a way where i'm bashing myself yeah i like 0.95

00:23:55.300 i go in on myself and there's no way for him to get mad at it because it's like well shit if my

00:24:01.740 dad can hang himself like that yeah that self-deprecating humor is like a it's like an 0.94

00:24:05.640 armor yeah but initially mike mike when i first did that joke it was all about him and like a good 0.99

00:24:11.500 night right like fuck my son good night you know what i mean and i felt bad you know like i didn't 0.51

00:24:17.100 understand because i was just being funny but i didn't realize how it was kind of like not going 0.99

00:24:22.640 in good with him do you get scared no of any of cancel culture of people coming after you have

00:24:28.860 Have you edited your routines at all or your commentary based on the current climate?

00:24:32.780 I think that I've just been blessed with the decision that I made a long time ago.

00:24:37.420 But I was always a fan of storytelling.

00:24:39.980 So, like, you know, if you ever go way back and look at interviews, I've always said, you know, I love Dennis Wolfberg.

00:24:46.780 I love, you know, old Bill Cosby stuff.

00:24:48.780 I love, you know, Eddie Murphy, you know, when he talks about the storytellers, the ones that talk about, you know, their mom and dad and kid.

00:24:55.480 I've always I was always into that.

00:24:57.400 And that's always been my style.

00:24:58.860 So, you know, thank God I haven't been a part of the,

00:25:03.480 what is it, the topics, the topical.

00:25:06.180 You know what I mean?

00:25:07.020 I'm not looking at the news and going,

00:25:08.460 hey, you see what happened today?

00:25:10.840 I don't wanna get involved.

00:25:11.660 Yeah, because it's tough for people to tell you 0.93

00:25:14.280 that you can't talk about shit that's happened to you directly. 0.96

00:25:17.100 To me, it's my line. 0.99

00:25:18.260 A hundred percent.

00:25:19.100 That's great, that's a great.

00:25:20.100 And not only that, man, I always say this,

00:25:21.740 I don't know if I told you, George,

00:25:22.860 but comedy is subjective, you know what I mean?

00:25:25.900 It's just like music, you know?

00:25:27.920 there's rap there's country there's there's there's there's electro i don't know there's

00:25:31.720 just whatever genre that and you can like each one right yeah yeah but but you don't you don't

00:25:37.860 have the responsible to do each one you don't go hey man why isn't a little baby doing country 0.98

00:25:42.960 music he's a rapper motherfucker that's why and you shouldn't ask me the same question why isn't 0.98

00:25:48.040 joe doing political jokes because i tell stories are you are you my genre and that's my lane 0.99

00:25:53.300 are you worried about uh what's been happening to comedy as a as a whole as opposed to what's

00:25:58.940 happening to you are you worried about the direction you got to remember like when i was

00:26:02.220 a kid it was you know look at it it's open and comedy was still kind of new too yeah and um and

00:26:10.680 yeah and the words weren't you know were used loosely we came up in a different generation by

00:26:15.540 the way you know i mean and uh so yeah it's just that's the times we live in so you got to respect

00:26:20.680 The times we live in

00:26:21.560 You know what I mean

00:26:22.000 You have to

00:26:22.600 You have to

00:26:23.360 It's just

00:26:23.900 If you don't

00:26:25.380 I don't know man

00:26:26.720 Cause you know how

00:26:27.300 There's some people out there

00:26:28.080 Who want

00:26:28.360 Who's a couple 0.63

00:26:29.340 There's a couple examples

00:26:30.180 Of people who won't be changed

00:26:32.240 Yeah

00:26:32.780 What's that

00:26:33.540 What's the word

00:26:34.540 Chappelle

00:26:34.980 Yeah

00:26:36.240 Chappelle

00:26:36.720 But

00:26:37.000 I love Chappelle

00:26:37.820 Yeah of course

00:26:38.580 Sticks and stones

00:26:40.100 Was an incredible stand up

00:26:41.840 Yeah

00:26:42.200 He's a prophet

00:26:42.900 Yeah he is a prophet

00:26:44.300 Like okay

00:26:44.920 I was at

00:26:45.380 I was at Chappelle's house

00:26:46.400 In Ohio right

00:26:48.280 And by the way

00:26:49.200 The way he's doing that 0.99

00:26:50.200 gangster right gangster shit flies everyone in on private jets you know i mean he pays for 0.99

00:26:55.960 everything and then you perform in a cornfield you know i mean and it's like crazy you know my 0.99

00:27:01.260 night was uh tiffany haddish by the way me and tiffany go way back she used to watch my son

00:27:05.940 at the laugh factory you know i mean when i would go on stage she would watch him upstairs because

00:27:10.220 he was only like one and then and then we would switch and she'd go on stage so like we go way

00:27:14.540 back and and just you know us flying out there together and then going on say ali wong was there

00:27:19.860 uh michelle wolf mo ammer and then of course dave won three emmys that night so we're all

00:27:24.820 watching the emmys in his yeah in his man cave and then i had a commercial on the emmys and then

00:27:29.880 tiffany had a commercial and he was winning and and i remember dave like man you all these mom

00:27:34.660 that's cool but but but what anyways what i was getting at is uh the guy is a prophet dude like

00:27:43.380 what he talks about and and how he's not scared to say what's on his mind and which he's told me

00:27:49.580 way back when i first started opening for him he was like don't ever be scared to say how you feel

00:27:54.380 right like don't don't let someone change that if that's how you feel and and you think you can

00:27:59.080 make it funny and then say it right and um but what he's doing in in ohio is crazy dude like i

00:28:05.440 told him like yo they built they should build a statue of a statue of you because he's saving

00:28:10.260 that town his dad is buried in that town by the way it's what's yellow springs ohio and it's

00:28:16.220 It's literally like Woodstock.

00:28:17.660 Suburb or rural?

00:28:18.940 Bro, you ever drive through a town and you go through it in two minutes and go, 1.00

00:28:22.020 who the fuck lives there? 1.00

00:28:23.180 It's Chappelle. 1.00

00:28:24.820 It's Dave.

00:28:26.080 It's part of Dayton Metropolitan.

00:28:28.460 What's his setup?

00:28:29.320 Is it a big house?

00:28:30.900 I don't know if I should say what he bought, but yeah, he's got a historical house.

00:28:36.420 And it's very historic.

00:28:38.320 It's like a hundred and I don't know.

00:28:40.280 I think it was like 1846.

00:28:41.820 I'll make up a number, but it's right around there.

00:28:43.500 That's his house.

00:28:44.180 And yeah

00:28:46.240 I'm like yo

00:28:46.780 People used to sit on the porch

00:28:47.900 And watch a war happen

00:28:48.880 Like that's the kind of porch 0.99

00:28:49.920 Oh damn 0.98

00:28:50.560 You know what I mean 1.00

00:28:50.780 It's like oh shit 0.99

00:28:51.400 We're winning 0.99

00:28:51.780 And then

00:28:53.620 Yo he's got a man cave like this

00:28:55.380 You know what I mean

00:28:55.760 And that's where we all watched

00:28:56.760 The Emmys

00:28:58.080 The last special that he did

00:28:59.740 Was that

00:29:00.080 Six and Stones 0.55

00:29:00.460 Right

00:29:00.840 Or 846

00:29:01.540 846

00:29:02.680 Which had a lot of 0.99

00:29:04.020 Racial you know 0.75

00:29:05.660 Theme 1.00

00:29:06.440 To it right

00:29:07.200 Was it post

00:29:08.040 Right after George Floyd

00:29:09.120 It was right after

00:29:09.820 It was amazing

00:29:10.760 Was that filmed at his house

00:29:12.220 Filmed at his house

00:29:13.080 With social distancing going on in the audience

00:29:15.480 That was a

00:29:16.600 By the way he does COVID tests for everyone too

00:29:18.420 There's a COVID testing

00:29:20.740 You want to know what I did Logan 0.99

00:29:22.520 You want to know what the fuck I did George 0.99

00:29:24.520 So I land and then we get COVID tested 0.99

00:29:27.280 Right

00:29:27.920 We got a bubble

00:29:29.200 All the performers are already tested

00:29:31.920 So we're all good

00:29:32.660 And then I get on stage

00:29:35.760 And by the way this thing is so successful

00:29:38.200 It's been going on for months

00:29:39.240 It's been going on since I don't know

00:29:40.420 April I don't know when it's been going on

00:29:42.780 but it's been going on forever and then finally I get there right they got this working machine

00:29:47.040 happening right safety for everybody and blah blah blah I go on stage and I go yo it's been

00:29:52.360 seven months since I've been on stage man I'm just happy performing in front of someone like you sir 0.98

00:29:56.320 and I go everyone COVID tested and you know people were like raised their hands and shit 0.73

00:30:00.260 and I go I just want to hug someone I haven't hugged someone in a long time sir can I hug you 0.98

00:30:05.780 and I hugged him everyone in the green world was like what the fuck is Joe Coy doing man he broke 0.94

00:30:11.500 our bubble and i had no idea i'm just performing and then i go backstage and i'm like i killed 0.99

00:30:17.240 right i fucking crush and i go backstage no one wants to talk to me like you broke the fucking 0.98

00:30:21.180 bubble and i'm like what are you talking about why the fuck did you hug him i thought everyone 0.99

00:30:24.960 was covid tested no us motherfucker were covid tested not them we don't know that's why they're 0.99

00:30:30.880 sitting apart i was like oh shit so they had to grab that guy they took him to the back they 0.99

00:30:35.840 They tested on medsuits. 0.99

00:30:36.780 That's poor guy.

00:30:37.680 But you know how, 1.00

00:30:38.820 fuck him. 1.00

00:30:40.380 How about me? 1.00

00:30:41.420 For like 10 minutes,

00:30:42.440 everyone's like staying away from me.

00:30:43.540 You're the one that did it.

00:30:44.600 I know,

00:30:45.300 but everyone,

00:30:45.760 like everyone,

00:30:46.700 like everyone's just like,

00:30:47.500 yo, 1.00

00:30:47.700 what the fuck did you do? 1.00

00:30:48.680 I didn't know. 0.99

00:30:49.940 And then for like 10 minutes,

00:30:52.060 I'm just sweating.

00:30:52.840 You know when you get sweat

00:30:53.780 from the back of your head?

00:30:54.920 Like, 1.00

00:30:55.160 I fucked this one up, man. 0.93

00:30:56.280 No, 1.00

00:30:56.500 this new normal sucks. 0.99

00:30:57.980 I'm about to shoot down something 0.99

00:30:59.300 that he's been working on

00:31:00.160 for seven months.

00:31:01.400 And then finally,

00:31:02.600 he got the test back

00:31:03.740 and it was negative.

00:31:04.560 And I was like,

00:31:05.020 ah.

00:31:05.240 And I was just like

00:31:06.060 I knew he didn't have it

00:31:07.320 I looked at everyone

00:31:09.600 I knew he didn't have it

00:31:10.780 It was the table

00:31:11.420 Over to the right

00:31:12.180 They had it for sure

00:31:13.400 But not this guy

00:31:14.500 No bro

00:31:15.380 I'm telling you 1.00

00:31:16.260 This new normal sucks 1.00

00:31:17.740 Yeah 1.00

00:31:18.140 It sucks 0.97

00:31:18.980 I was stunned by our hug 0.98

00:31:21.360 It made me feel

00:31:22.500 It affected me

00:31:23.600 Oh really?

00:31:24.220 Yeah in a good way

00:31:25.020 Cause I'm the handshake guy

00:31:27.260 Yeah that's gross

00:31:27.960 The handshake

00:31:28.600 What?

00:31:29.260 That's gross

00:31:29.780 Sweaty

00:31:30.280 Stop shaking hands man 0.93

00:31:31.720 Well in the poop

00:31:32.360 You're telling me

00:31:33.240 You'll get right here

00:31:34.020 with someone face to face embrace yes and not a handshake yes i'll wash my hands can i tell you

00:31:38.980 why sure okay and and don't take don't be offended by this okay that's that's a great i don't love

00:31:44.780 that is a great start no don't get offended by this logan i'm just telling you why i i am okay

00:31:49.420 when i say i get like a scab on my arm i'm gonna pick at it all day like this one yeah and then

00:31:56.400 i'll shake someone's hand without even knowing okay that's gross yeah that is gross uh yeah

00:32:04.440 but i also and i'm not calling you out but i'm just no no i get it but you get it no no that's

00:32:08.960 the point of a handshake and you're right handed by the way and i could just see you kind of like

00:32:12.480 because i do it right if you scratch your nuts boys that's the point of a handshake

00:32:17.840 no no no no the grit of being a human and the trust that you have within the person you're 0.77

00:32:23.500 shaking hands with, is like, yo, I'm

00:32:25.660 willing to do this with you, regardless of

00:32:27.620 whether or not you have a scab under your fingernails. 0.98

00:32:29.200 You had this zit on your neck for a 0.75

00:32:31.680 week. Is it still there?

00:32:33.700 And I've been picking at it. It's still... Oh, I see

00:32:35.660 it. And then you would pick at that and then shake

00:32:37.420 Logan Paul's hand. That's a tricky spot.

00:32:39.420 Nope, that's where you're wrong, Mike. I would hug

00:32:41.300 and wipe it on his back. Nice. 0.87

00:32:43.280 Yeah. Nice.

00:32:45.220 Which is clean. It's a shirt.

00:32:47.700 Can I ask you a question? 1.00

00:32:49.600 Logan, it's your fucking show. 1.00

00:32:50.960 Be impulsive. Be impulsive. 1.00

00:32:52.660 how do you like that how many how many like that one how many vegans you deal no no one's gonna

00:32:56.360 i like it no one which one's my camera this one this one facing my

00:33:00.920 how many vegans you dealing with uh how many what you've dealing with a lot of vegans i come

00:33:07.360 across a lot of vegans okay so my ex-wife is a huge vegan now and it's like every time i try and

00:33:12.560 eat meat i can't i can't give up bacon but i've given up steaks okay that's done good uh hamburger

00:33:19.060 is still my crutch, but I'll have it maybe once

00:33:21.160 every two months. Chicken's

00:33:23.160 done. Chicken's gross. No chicken.

00:33:25.220 I try. Yesterday, I

00:33:27.140 got gumbo and I took all the chicken out.

00:33:29.140 I couldn't do it. Why? But I ate the shitty

00:33:30.980 sausage. That didn't make sense because it had 0.99

00:33:33.000 flavor. Why no chicken?

00:33:34.980 I don't know. I'm just creeped out by meat

00:33:36.960 right now. It's just like when I look at a chicken,

00:33:39.660 I just, I don't know. You want to know what happened?

00:33:41.220 You've been in LA too long. You

00:33:42.760 sharpened your sword in Vegas, right?

00:33:45.040 Yeah. You think they're giving up steak and chicken

00:33:47.160 in Vegas? Those cigar smokers?

00:33:49.060 I used to eat $1.99 steaks pretty much every day at midnight.

00:33:54.100 Go back.

00:33:54.760 Stop. 0.93

00:33:55.080 Stop.

00:33:55.360 Don't do that.

00:33:55.840 I still drink dairy milk.

00:33:57.480 Mike.

00:33:57.800 I wash it down with chicken. 1.00

00:33:59.040 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:34:00.060 I wash it down with chicken. 1.00

00:34:00.860 I don't give a fuck, dude. 1.00

00:34:02.420 You can't change it. 1.00

00:34:03.360 Listen to me.

00:34:03.720 Listen to me.

00:34:04.100 Listen to me.

00:34:04.440 Mike.

00:34:05.620 I know.

00:34:06.320 I know you do.

00:34:07.260 Just by looking at you, I know.

00:34:08.380 But listen.

00:34:09.220 But listen.

00:34:09.860 But listen.

00:34:10.700 You stopped eating chicken. 1.00

00:34:12.100 I just drinking motherfuckers. 1.00

00:34:13.100 You stopped eating chicken. 1.00

00:34:14.380 Now you got no hair, Joe Koi. 1.00

00:34:16.240 So it didn't.

00:34:16.980 Whoa.

00:34:17.400 I'm just.

00:34:17.720 And I'm losing my

00:34:19.720 That's why I say it

00:34:22.580 And I'm losing mine too

00:34:24.080 But I'm keeping some of it because of the chicken 1.00

00:34:26.560 Joe I'm telling you you're fucked up 1.00

00:34:27.980 It's hard though 1.00

00:34:29.460 How old are you? You're very young

00:34:31.420 I didn't say how old do you look

00:34:34.120 I said how old are you

00:34:35.280 I'm 50 and I don't look it

00:34:38.560 But you look like what I'm supposed to look like

00:34:40.800 And that's because I stopped eating meat

00:34:42.340 I'll barely laugh at that joke because you know I look 26 still 1.00

00:34:45.000 You motherfucker 1.00

00:34:45.640 I get ID'd still 1.00

00:34:47.640 do you

00:34:48.600 yeah with the

00:34:49.320 who I gave you 0.99

00:34:50.940 I gotta beat that bouncer 1.00

00:34:52.620 who the fuck is that bouncer 1.00

00:34:55.240 is he in here 1.00

00:34:56.160 give me 30 0.99

00:34:56.800 is that bouncer in here 1.00

00:34:57.860 give me 30

00:34:58.420 no one has ever

00:34:59.860 carted you

00:35:00.700 even when you were 15

00:35:02.160 they were like

00:35:02.480 hey

00:35:02.500 you still let me in at 15

00:35:03.540 even at 15

00:35:04.300 if you went to a strip bar

00:35:05.180 they were like

00:35:05.500 yes sir

00:35:06.100 come inside

00:35:06.740 listen Joe

00:35:07.880 you do a big of bourbon for you

00:35:09.740 you do heroin for 10 years

00:35:10.920 and you look like this

00:35:11.660 it's a blessing bro

00:35:12.540 alright trust me

00:35:13.300 you did heroin

00:35:14.020 alright let's talk to stop

00:35:15.280 a lot of it

00:35:15.440 so much

00:35:16.100 so much

00:35:16.740 we're not getting into it

00:35:17.600 Talk to me about-

00:35:18.280 I'm very proud of you.

00:35:19.080 Thank you.

00:35:19.400 Let's talk about the chicken.

00:35:20.740 Why?

00:35:21.520 I just, I can't eat meat like I used to, man.

00:35:23.800 You feel for the chicken.

00:35:25.040 No, I just, it doesn't.

00:35:26.920 Dude, I'm 50.

00:35:27.820 I'm 49, to be honest.

00:35:29.180 But chicken's a clean meat.

00:35:30.080 It's different when you're 49. 1.00

00:35:32.040 Like, you can still do this fucking split. 1.00

00:35:34.880 I can't touch my ankles. 0.99

00:35:36.140 Could you ever touch your ankles?

00:35:37.880 Yes, when I was your age.

00:35:40.340 It's different right now.

00:35:41.540 Can you still see your ankles?

00:35:42.940 Yes.

00:35:43.020 Dude, when I get up, there's a joke I do on stage.

00:35:46.040 You're funny.

00:35:46.620 i should have gave that a little bit more love i'm sorry say it again we'll act like it didn't

00:35:50.240 danny edit this mark this and we'll edit go ahead say it and i'll act like it can you still see your

00:35:56.000 ankles i didn't get it yeah yeah i still even on the second time um god dang no uh what was i saying

00:36:03.520 um no um i i say this joke but it's a you know i'm just gonna say it because uh because we're

00:36:10.980 talking about it but i literally when i get up to go to the bathroom right now at night it sounds

00:36:15.500 like i'm having sex like you don't do that you don't grunt and groan when you walk to the bathroom

00:36:19.340 like this yeah when you walk to the bathroom you're verbally i i literally do that to the 0.95

00:36:25.580 point where my son and my ex and all of everyone is like dude like stretch or something like why

00:36:32.300 is everybody in the same room as you when you're going because we all we all sleep in the garage 0.78

00:36:36.360 kind of like this show everyone's like dude we're trying to sleep get the fuck out of my master 0.72

00:36:41.200 the bedroom i got i got a cow king there's like nine bodies on it hey you know what willy wonka 0.82

00:36:47.680 you remember when they all slept on the same bed i don't make noise when i you know i'm young and

00:36:51.840 somewhat spry i'm getting older i'm breaking a little bit easier and i noticed but uh you know

00:36:55.960 what i do uh if i wake up in the middle of the night like 2 3 a.m to go pee yeah i'll try to

00:37:01.780 stay asleep does this make sense you know what i'm saying 100 so i'll i'll open my eyes as little

00:37:07.080 as possible and go to the bathroom and turn the light on on the lowest setting of course yeah and

00:37:11.800 um hope i make it in the toilet obviously because i can't see anything but i'm almost like pretending

00:37:17.260 i'm sleepwalking that's the closest you'll get i'll get to uh i'm having trouble at night yeah

00:37:24.160 i'm pretty good thus far but you don't grunt and groan nothing yet not tripping over things it's

00:37:28.700 like suffering for you like when you walk it's suffering i'm literally locked up yeah i play 0.88

00:37:33.820 basketball with my son i'm locked up the next day i'm gonna admit shit that i'm probably gonna 0.94

00:37:37.800 get made fun of but i will not yeah in no circumstance stand up and pee in my own house 0.95

00:37:43.780 what did you just say yeah i won't do it we talked about this it's too messy i'm too much 0.80

00:37:47.900 of an ocd freak i know it's gonna you're really ocd like that and logan's house i'll pee from far

00:37:53.580 to see my range i'm sorry i'm sorry what did you just say what did you just say he says that he 0.67

00:37:58.460 sits in peace yeah no i right now what i just said yeah no i'm at your house i try to test my 0.63

00:38:03.240 no no no no before that oh you will pee in someone else's house because it's not your house

00:38:06.740 at your house you sit down and pee yeah i can't always not even just at night uh if i'm if i'm 0.99

00:38:14.040 like super in a rush then yeah like whip that shit out but like yeah it's a mess i don't like 0.99

00:38:19.240 it what do you why don't you just try to aim for the toilet no he says that it's it's a sprayer 0.99

00:38:23.840 it's a splash zone he pees i'm lower to the ground than you is there no no no there should

00:38:28.200 Let me explain to you

00:38:31.940 Because I'm understanding

00:38:32.560 And you're not

00:38:32.940 It's like

00:38:34.460 When he pees

00:38:36.720 It's kind of like

00:38:37.800 When you grab the garden hose

00:38:39.520 And put your thumb

00:38:40.240 Over the hole

00:38:40.800 That's how he pees 0.99

00:38:42.140 It's just fucking everywhere 0.99

00:38:44.520 That sounds like a medical 0.99

00:38:45.440 That's a medical condition

00:38:46.740 He got a problem

00:38:47.320 That's a prostate 0.90

00:38:48.300 Are you 0.98

00:38:49.140 And I'm not trying to be creepy

00:38:50.400 But are you 0.99

00:38:51.040 Are you circumcised 0.99

00:38:51.880 I am circumcised 1.00

00:38:53.100 You are 1.00

00:38:53.560 Okay because that doesn't sound right

00:38:54.840 Usually because

00:38:55.400 Like when the

00:38:56.200 The turtleneck is up

00:38:57.480 Then it's a spray

00:38:58.200 The only time the spray

00:38:59.240 Usually happens

00:38:59.940 Is if it's just post-cum

00:39:01.580 Like you know how 0.97

00:39:02.280 Right after you have sex 0.99

00:39:03.100 Splits into two 0.99

00:39:03.880 Splits into two

00:39:04.760 Oh yes

00:39:05.340 Splits into two

00:39:06.100 Oh I've had that

00:39:06.400 Yeah sure

00:39:06.880 It's kind of like a

00:39:08.420 Spitting cobra

00:39:09.280 Like a spitting cobra

00:39:10.360 Yes exactly

00:39:11.040 Only a smaller version

00:39:12.520 No for me it's almost formulaic

00:39:14.360 Like every time

00:39:15.160 I can pretty much count on

00:39:16.120 I'll hit about

00:39:16.920 Three o'clock and nine

00:39:18.340 Yeah

00:39:18.760 On the toilet

00:39:19.340 Yeah 100%

00:39:20.200 Yeah if there were two targets

00:39:21.520 On the side of the toilet 0.96

00:39:22.240 You would hit them

00:39:22.940 I have a solve for that 0.87

00:39:23.820 Yeah

00:39:24.220 After I come

00:39:24.900 I usually just pee in the shower

00:39:26.000 Yeah

00:39:27.220 yeah it's guaranteed to go somewhere safe i had to show i had to show i had to show josie this

00:39:32.820 the other day we're getting a little too close i think it's good no that's good it's but it's 0.93

00:39:38.140 it's getting weird uh after sex uh you boys you still got you're still hard and for me you know 0.98

00:39:45.020 i'm still i'm upright bro i'm full full on elon musk uh 25 year olds yeah yeah yeah right and so 0.99

00:39:52.380 and so i'm like i'm like sometimes i have to pee what my dick lays on my stomach afterwards mike 0.99

00:39:56.880 What are you getting at? 1.00

00:39:57.560 Fuck you, man. 1.00

00:39:58.440 Mine's just as hard. 1.00

00:40:00.280 Mine's just as hard. 1.00

00:40:01.220 You can do a podcast with my dick. 0.99

00:40:02.560 You can just put a mic on the top of it when I'm done. 0.99

00:40:04.900 What are you talking about?

00:40:06.680 Listen, listen.

00:40:07.520 So you know when you're still upright.

00:40:11.000 I'm so done.

00:40:11.700 It goes to sleep.

00:40:13.160 I'm done.

00:40:14.820 I'm talking about when I'm...

00:40:15.760 A little bit of vomit.

00:40:16.380 A little bit of vomit.

00:40:17.780 Dripping down.

00:40:18.480 Your drunk friend on your pillow.

00:40:19.680 That's not abnormal.

00:40:20.080 Someone's going to get pink eye.

00:40:23.940 Go ahead.

00:40:24.600 Go ahead, Logan.

00:40:25.540 I'm with you.

00:40:26.180 I understand 1.00

00:40:26.760 Fuck you 1.00

00:40:27.380 You can't monetize this 1.00

00:40:28.360 No I understand

00:40:28.800 You can't monetize it

00:40:29.400 We can monetize it

00:40:30.800 We can 1.00

00:40:31.620 Your dick is hard 1.00

00:40:32.940 Go on 1.00

00:40:33.280 Yeah no so

00:40:33.980 You can't pee in the toilet

00:40:35.240 Yeah

00:40:35.700 They made

00:40:36.400 They did a movie about this

00:40:38.060 I think

00:40:38.420 Oh I see what you're saying

00:40:40.340 Remember they laid down flat

00:40:41.940 On the toilet

00:40:42.300 Superman

00:40:42.780 Zac Efron was in it

00:40:44.000 That's what it's called

00:40:45.240 When you wake up with morning

00:40:46.500 With Superman over the toilet

00:40:47.620 No no

00:40:48.280 He's talking about a movie

00:40:49.660 Yeah but

00:40:50.420 Regardless

00:40:51.140 That process is difficult for men 1.00

00:40:53.420 Like you have to pee 1.00

00:40:54.320 But you can't be in the toilet

00:40:55.480 because unless you have some superior ability to arch and aim your urine which i've done before

00:41:01.160 but listen yeah y'all don't know this who lives here you live here yeah i thought everyone did

00:41:06.280 almost yeah we all sleep in the same i thought everyone because there's 15 cars out front i

00:41:11.160 open no that's a construction i open a window yeah on the side and i kind of just like lean out

00:41:17.400 no you didn't yeah you peed out the window yeah you're judging me for sitting down hold on a

00:41:21.560 second it's not like that's why is that wrong why is that wrong i'm peeing out my own window in my

00:41:26.320 house at at midnight what if maria the maid is outside power washing the windows yeah and you

00:41:31.200 know i pee out the window and it's on some far side of the house yeah it's it's inaccessible

00:41:36.960 no one's gonna get in that spot you're yeah josie josie bathroom window this is this is this is rich 0.99

00:41:43.460 this is rich people shit everybody that's not rich that has a bathroom small enough obviously 0.99

00:41:48.260 when you're in this situation you put your hands on the back of the toilet your feet on the sink 1.00

00:41:51.720 yes behind you and you superman over the toilet you piss straight down it is like you're drilling

00:41:56.440 for oil straight into the toilet when you get rich guys you piss out your window no everything 1.00

00:42:02.040 changes you piss out your fucking window i was having a full-blown conversation with jake 0.99

00:42:06.160 in his beautiful house i think i counted and fact check me but i counted there's 862 bathrooms in 1.00

00:42:12.680 there more than that more than that 162 that's a lot that's nice so he's sitting there looking at

00:42:17.520 I mean he goes I have to piss

00:42:18.540 Which I didn't need to know 0.99

00:42:20.260 But he fucking walked out of his patio 0.99

00:42:22.920 Stood on top of his thing 1.00

00:42:24.680 And pissed off

00:42:26.280 Like just his balcony

00:42:27.740 Wait is this you or

00:42:29.160 It's my brother

00:42:29.720 Your brother does it too

00:42:30.840 It's pretty much me

00:42:31.300 Oh so it's a Paul thing

00:42:32.360 Yes

00:42:32.660 It's the Pauls that do this

00:42:33.940 GP taught them this 0.84

00:42:35.300 I can't be

00:42:35.860 It's the Pauls

00:42:37.220 Comment below

00:42:37.760 I feel like this might be a Midwest thing

00:42:39.780 Like

00:42:40.100 Pissing out your window

00:42:41.440 Yeah 0.97

00:42:41.940 You have just deteriorated your entire region

00:42:44.900 This is some people who piss out 0.93

00:42:47.200 No, no, I'm talking about peeing. 0.81

00:42:49.380 Peeing.

00:42:50.220 From elevated places. 0.99

00:42:51.780 Just peeing pretty much fucking wherever. 0.99

00:42:54.120 Everybody pees, Logan, but they choose to do it in the bathroom. 0.99

00:42:56.120 No, bro.

00:42:56.680 My girlfriend's nature peed more than I have.

00:42:58.440 Okay. 0.98

00:42:58.840 Every girl's girls. 1.00

00:42:59.880 She's squatting. 1.00

00:43:00.580 It looked like she was shitting at the haunted house. 1.00

00:43:02.360 That's how girls pee, George. 1.00

00:43:03.780 That's how girls pee. 0.97

00:43:04.940 George, Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:43:06.440 Yeah, that's how women pee. 1.00

00:43:07.600 You're acting like that's the first time. 1.00

00:43:08.600 I'm the fucking one that has to do it. 1.00

00:43:09.220 Yeah, well, you should know that's how women pee. 1.00

00:43:11.100 She was squatting like she's pooping. 1.00

00:43:13.060 I squat too.

00:43:14.660 Yeah, that's true.

00:43:15.620 He does.

00:43:15.980 I'm not going to let you live that down

00:43:17.700 I think you've told me this once before

00:43:18.820 No, no, no, I said on the show

00:43:20.040 I said that I sit at night when I pee sometimes

00:43:22.580 Because I'm in sleepy mode

00:43:24.680 Or because my knees hurt

00:43:25.720 Like he said, he squints his way into the bathroom

00:43:28.400 I don't take the chance of pissing all over the wall

00:43:30.700 Or all over the painting or whatever

00:43:32.040 My whole question is

00:43:33.260 When George goes out on a night of drinking

00:43:35.740 And he has to go pee, does he squat?

00:43:38.120 Don't drink

00:43:38.500 Because that would be creepy if he had his jeans around

00:43:40.440 He's a Christian, he doesn't drink

00:43:41.520 No, we're out, bro

00:43:42.160 He's everywhere when I'm out

00:43:43.280 Well, how about if you just drink a lot of water and you're out?

00:43:45.140 No, he drinks

00:43:45.600 He drinks, he drinks, he drinks, he drinks

00:43:47.340 Last month we had a little drinking

00:43:49.480 Three shots, I'm like 0.98

00:43:51.320 You're going to hell 1.00

00:43:51.960 I'm fucking blasted, bro 1.00

00:43:53.440 Were you really? 0.99

00:43:54.100 Lightweight

00:43:54.380 I was vomiting, bro

00:43:55.840 Yeah, you were vomiting?

00:43:56.960 My girlfriend, by the way 1.00

00:43:57.880 My girlfriend was shampooing my head 1.00

00:43:59.300 In the shower 1.00

00:43:59.740 That's a good girl

00:44:00.380 That's fantastic

00:44:01.100 That's a nice woman 1.00

00:44:02.220 That's called a keeper 1.00

00:44:03.240 It is

00:44:03.900 By the way

00:44:04.540 I pee out in public

00:44:05.760 I just need to correct this 1.00

00:44:06.760 I whip the dick out 1.00

00:44:08.000 And stand up 1.00

00:44:08.720 Oh, that's right 0.99

00:44:10.020 You don't give a shit 0.99

00:44:11.020 Because it's not your place 0.99

00:44:12.000 Okay, that's right

00:44:12.680 Imagine if we were out somewhere

00:44:14.100 With George

00:44:14.500 And you saw him go to pee 1.00

00:44:15.420 and he squatted behind the nightclub or some shit. 0.99

00:44:17.940 That's funny. 0.98

00:44:18.280 Mike, what's crazy is I just set that up earlier.

00:44:21.000 Thanks for that.

00:44:21.580 Thanks for the layup.

00:44:22.660 No reaction. 1.00

00:44:23.680 No fucking reaction. 1.00

00:44:25.160 I said, if you want to rewind the fucking thing, 1.00

00:44:29.080 Mike is trying to sell it like he just wrote that shit. 1.00

00:44:31.860 He's like, you know what would be crazy? 1.00

00:44:33.620 It just came to me. 0.99

00:44:34.640 It just fucking came to me. 0.99

00:44:37.480 I'm snatching a night of drinking. 0.99

00:44:40.100 Hold on.

00:44:41.100 Here it comes. 1.00

00:44:42.420 He has to pee and he fucking squats. 1.00

00:44:46.240 Right? 1.00

00:44:47.220 Am I right?

00:44:48.240 You know what they say?

00:44:49.040 Steal like an artist, Joe Coy.

00:44:50.860 We're all just bucketers. 0.99

00:44:52.320 God damn it, Mike. 1.00

00:44:52.900 Your guys' ass cheeks touched the public bathroom. 1.00

00:44:55.420 We've got to switch the topic. 1.00

00:44:56.800 We've talked about shitting or pissing this entire podcast. 0.99

00:45:00.200 Yo, yo, okay. 0.99

00:45:01.860 Polygamy.

00:45:02.960 Random.

00:45:03.640 So random.

00:45:04.340 I know.

00:45:05.000 I said switch the topic.

00:45:06.380 That's an audible.

00:45:07.380 Yeah.

00:45:08.000 What are we doing? 1.00

00:45:09.000 You know polygamy is illegal in the United States?

00:45:11.680 Do you know polygamy is illegal in the United States? 1.00

00:45:14.320 Like having more than one wife 1.00

00:45:15.920 Or a husband I would presume 0.93

00:45:17.960 Are there certain zoned areas

00:45:19.780 I think they're like Utah

00:45:21.400 I think they made a semi

00:45:23.100 Because of religious reasons

00:45:24.980 That's why

00:45:25.460 Aren't there like small towns 0.98

00:45:27.500 Where people don't really give a fuck 0.97

00:45:29.480 About those people 1.00

00:45:30.080 Those people marry their sisters 0.97

00:45:31.500 Not too at sea 1.00

00:45:33.880 There are certain towns

00:45:35.360 I bet you if you go somewhere deep

00:45:37.040 In Illinois

00:45:38.960 You'll find a community

00:45:42.580 Where they still think

00:45:44.300 that if you go past that tree there's devils like you know what i mean like you know what i mean

00:45:49.400 but in a yacht twist there is yeah yeah yeah yeah don't go past the douglas fern

00:45:54.340 oh jesus covet no but uh it is no it's it's illegal and it's weird it affected me because

00:46:02.080 it's like i still i still think the united states in this place where

00:46:05.260 like this the the state the nation wants to be so controlling over individuals

00:46:10.260 and it's fascinating to me i always am curious uh about this with comedians yeah uh because your

00:46:17.320 persona is the funny guy always making jokes correct is it hard for you to get serious when

00:46:21.540 you need to or or like when you get in a serious conversation with your partner will you make a

00:46:27.380 comedic relief i think i think that would be the end all for me if if the person i'm with

00:46:32.640 doesn't know when i'm uh being funny it's hard sometimes it's i don't know man it's not hard

00:46:38.780 for me i know i know when you're being serious i know when you're being funny yeah i know when

00:46:43.280 you're being funny but your voice joe your voice is like even your voice has got like a comedic

00:46:47.640 twang to it so like you know i i can't tell when you're saying something serious even though i

00:46:53.380 think i want to believe it well you just met him bro yeah you just met figure it out it's not like

00:46:58.560 i don't have a good read on people i'm i'm sitting here listening you know i just i can't tell when 0.75

00:47:02.440 i'm gonna get fucking then he's grand slammed or he's gonna say something serious yeah or both at 0.81

00:47:08.660 the same time yeah yeah he keeps you guessing yeah and that's is that part of the reason is 0.97

00:47:13.060 maybe hard to date or is he just having trouble finding no i don't mind that i don't mind that

00:47:16.780 that that's yeah but that is one thing when they when they don't get it that that's so 0.56

00:47:20.900 fucking annoying and i also feel like it's also uh uh what is it called when they uh when they're 0.99

00:47:26.620 not sarcastic but uh god damn it i don't even know the word right now but it's yeah fuck words 0.99

00:47:32.100 but it's just like i hate it when they just use sounds to explain what you're saying yeah i hate 0.99

00:47:36.860 know when you're given a point and you're being serious and they're like okay condescending

00:47:41.500 condescending master master that so good he will make you feel like you're an install you're telling 0.98

00:47:47.680 him something he's like oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah all right joe joe so you know what i'm fucking 0.84

00:47:53.680 talking about he's the master but but here's here's a question are you are you would you say 0.98

00:48:01.940 that one of the one of the bigger reasons you're not dating is because simply put you don't fucking

00:48:05.500 want to like like like because here's the thing it's a lot of responsibility you probably do you 0.88

00:48:10.460 enjoy doing things your way all the time do you enjoy having your freedom do you enjoy having 0.70

00:48:14.100 your space yes do you have it do you enjoy not having someone to fucking answer to so it's like 0.91

00:48:18.500 and i i i'm in that place now where it's like i can get up and go go crazy right like go yeah like 0.95

00:48:26.260 not just get in the car like here we go france i can be like hey let's all fly somewhere and i

00:48:32.960 don't want anyone to fuck that up for me and i'm just and that's just me being selfish i think like

00:48:38.760 i deserve i deserve to give my son that kind of a life you know i mean because i i missed a lot

00:48:45.020 of my son's birthdays when i was working three jobs and and and taking shitty gigs on the road

00:48:50.820 or even doing weeks uh two three weeks at a time and and not spending birthdays or christmases with 0.98

00:48:56.160 my son i'm in a position where i get to pay that back now and and i don't want anyone to fuck that

00:49:01.800 up not even drugs drugs are a different thing he's like that i will do no i don't do drugs you smoke 0.98

00:49:08.660 no i can't do that i i used to but i i stopped doing does it fuck with you you want me to tell 0.96

00:49:14.340 you the real story of course okay you sure yes all right so um i have okay i'll get uh all right 0.96

00:49:25.480 So my brother is, you know, he has mental problems, right?

00:49:30.280 And I'm just, I'll be in and out of this real quick. 0.88

00:49:34.180 And we've been dealing with this for a long time.

00:49:36.560 You know what I mean?

00:49:36.960 He's in and out of hospitals and stuff like that.

00:49:38.680 God, we're getting deep.

00:49:39.400 Are you sure you want this for your pocket?

00:49:41.020 This is what they like.

00:49:42.660 Okay, so, you know, and, you know, I remember my brother very vividly when he was a teenager.

00:49:51.000 He was rolling up, right?

00:49:52.400 He was rolling and he was putting in a shoebox.

00:49:54.180 And the one thing he said to me, I was a little kid, and he goes, don't tell mom and dad.

00:49:57.520 And he put it in his closet, right, in his shoebox.

00:50:01.940 So I always remember that. 0.99

00:50:03.120 Like, you always remember, like, shit like that, right? 0.98

00:50:05.540 And by the way, there's some other things that my brother did that's very traumatic that, you know, I still talk about, you know what I mean, with people. 0.98

00:50:14.880 Anyways, man, you brought it here, bro.

00:50:16.840 Okay, so I was getting this, I was seeing, like, I don't know what they're called.

00:50:23.220 but they're doctors that want to do things, uh, without medicine, like

00:50:27.800 what is it? Homeopath. Yeah. So I went to a homeopathic, uh, doctor and she

00:50:33.920 asked me to get a DNA, uh, test so she can read my body and tell me what type

00:50:39.800 of things I shouldn't eat or what kind of vitamins I should take. So I did that.

00:50:43.380 Right. And so, uh, I brought the paper to her and she went down this thing and 0.97

00:50:47.760 this is when I, this is like, I was not feeling this whole homeopathic type

00:50:52.740 thing because i didn't believe them yeah yeah you know i mean you're kind of reluctant like oh come 0.97

00:50:56.140 on they're full of shit you can look at somebody like oh you need more vitamin b and they're like 0.98

00:50:59.560 i'm a homeopathic and you believe them right this is when i started believing in this this lady is 1.00

00:51:05.500 when she started looking at my chart and she goes she goes do you do you smoke weed or or do any

00:51:11.640 thc do you ever get thc in your body or and i go no i go i i do it occasionally but it's never like

00:51:18.820 something i need and she goes you cannot do that your body chemistry is not allowed to have thc

00:51:25.880 i go why she goes you have uh a gene that is stimulated by thc and it's uh schizophrenia

00:51:33.700 yep oh you know this well i've and my brother suffers from schizophrenia i got chills right

00:51:39.900 now prone to potentially falling and i cried in front of her and immediately i thought of

00:51:45.520 my brother like the trauma went all the way back to him rolling those joints and like and then i

00:51:50.440 started blaming myself like why didn't i tell my mom why didn't i tell my dad sure like i felt so

00:51:55.380 fucking bad but then again that medicine wasn't out in the 70s they didn't know and and i literally

00:52:01.760 uh yeah i cried i remember telling everybody about it and and now i'm i'm i'm scared when 0.97

00:52:07.360 someone has it i get a little scared you know i did this weed show on netflix and i was literally

00:52:11.680 just throwing it in you know i was pretending you know what i mean i would eat a little bit but i was

00:52:16.940 like so nervous because i knew what this doctor said to me and i know she wasn't lying because i

00:52:23.660 know it's it's in my family it's in my family she wasn't lying and that's what i believe that's when

00:52:29.080 i started believing in this homeopathic type research right like there's a lot of there's a

00:52:34.220 lot of merit in it bro like for her to hit that on the nail like that to see that is like that's

00:52:38.960 She wasn't like reading the palm of my hand.

00:52:41.100 She saw something and she knows that this is stimulated by THC.

00:52:46.540 Stay away from it because it can activate it.

00:52:47.840 I did not know that was possible.

00:52:49.300 Yeah.

00:52:49.960 Well, you have a certain part of your genetic sequence

00:52:53.220 that makes you more prone to schizophrenia based on your family line

00:52:56.300 and THC activates that is what you're saying.

00:52:58.520 Yes.

00:52:58.760 And it scared me so much and I'm done.

00:53:00.540 People don't give enough respect to psychoactives.

00:53:03.760 I'm telling you, even marijuana, as far down as marijuana,

00:53:07.000 it's such a light thing and everybody thinks it's so simple and it doesn't affect your mood and it

00:53:11.560 doesn't it doesn't it doesn't you know activate your your uh you being prone to certain genetic

00:53:16.880 you know malfunctions or or mental illnesses people really need to look into that stuff

00:53:22.040 there's a lot of people out there who wake up every single day they don't want to get out of

00:53:25.520 bed they're like this is depression no it's you're smoking an ounce of weed a day yeah you're smoking 0.99

00:53:29.520 an ounce of weed a day and you are genetically uh dis dis dis dispo whatever the fucking word is 0.99

00:53:36.440 predisposed to to having a a mental condition based on that thc yes it's a very mike you're 0.98

00:53:44.140 so right you're 100 right because i i never understood like when people go oh man this is

00:53:48.680 i get it when i smoke i don't know i don't even know the lingo but like i smoke this it makes me 0.97

00:53:53.280 feel good and and i'm like i'm always super paranoid and i start thinking fucked up shit 0.82

00:53:59.020 same same every time i get high i'm like i can look at you and think a certain way like yo what 0.87

00:54:04.480 What do you mean by that? 0.99

00:54:05.540 Like, my high is so fucked up. 0.99

00:54:07.600 So I never understood what people were talking about. 0.99

00:54:10.500 I've never had a really good high.

00:54:11.980 I'll laugh, but then it turns right into this demon.

00:54:14.920 Yeah, man.

00:54:16.100 I've had an interesting relationship with weed.

00:54:18.440 Because I can relate to that.

00:54:19.900 The first couple, maybe 10 times I smoked, all very dark.

00:54:25.740 Very dark.

00:54:26.560 Let me down a horrible path.

00:54:28.620 And I hated the way it made me feel.

00:54:30.160 Sometimes I'd freeze up in my own body.

00:54:32.420 and then i kind of uh crossed the bridge i got i got over the hump and i and i beat it per se and 0.97

00:54:38.340 then uh corona hit and i was like you know fuck it i'm gonna i'm gonna push myself because all 0.97

00:54:44.000 i did was vlog i would be creative and fun with my friends so i became like a full-on pothead 0.97

00:54:48.500 intentionally i was like how far can i take this i pushed myself to the limit really like to the

00:54:53.520 limit where i noticed i was getting angry when i wasn't high i couldn't eat when i wasn't high

00:54:59.420 and I told Josie this the other day uh the withdrawals that I've had because I cut it

00:55:04.780 cold turkey it's the only way I know how to like stop a habit uh the withdrawals that I had I don't

00:55:09.780 know if I'm willing to experience that torment ever again I insomnia lack of appetite mood swings

00:55:19.960 from THC oh that's crazy so when you stopped so when you stopped you couldn't sleep for

00:55:25.740 So your body was dependent

00:55:27.160 For two to three weeks

00:55:28.340 There's definitely a dependence there

00:55:29.600 And bro

00:55:30.380 I wasn't even like

00:55:31.080 I say pothead for me

00:55:32.200 I'm talking like

00:55:32.780 Smoke every night

00:55:35.200 Sometimes in the day

00:55:36.120 But it was small

00:55:36.900 I mean compared to like

00:55:37.700 Evan for example

00:55:38.060 No we'd face a joint

00:55:39.280 But Evan's always high

00:55:40.240 Evan's always high

00:55:41.060 That's the thing that needs to come out of the conversation too

00:55:43.540 It's like

00:55:43.800 I don't wanna

00:55:44.480 This is not supposed to be a dare ad

00:55:46.120 Kids

00:55:46.480 You know

00:55:47.280 I smoked weed one time 1.00

00:55:49.260 Different folks 1.00

00:55:49.800 You know what I'm saying 1.00

00:55:50.520 And I lost my mind

00:55:51.820 And now I'm like

00:55:53.020 You guys talking

00:55:53.920 I'm like whoa

00:55:54.460 Maybe I should

00:55:55.020 no you just gotta know

00:55:55.940 and I experimented with it

00:55:57.520 because I knew

00:55:58.100 I got a pretty strong mental

00:55:59.540 I couldn't get out of it easy 0.99

00:56:00.460 although it fucking sucked 0.99

00:56:02.060 yeah 0.99

00:56:02.340 I got out of it

00:56:03.560 and now

00:56:03.980 we say this all the time

00:56:05.500 different strokes

00:56:06.160 for different folks

00:56:06.740 there's a lot of therapeutic value

00:56:08.700 for a lot of people

00:56:09.580 I mean it's not

00:56:10.180 it's not one of those drugs

00:56:11.800 like you know

00:56:12.540 I want to bring it up quickly

00:56:13.680 Purdue Pharma

00:56:14.420 today

00:56:15.340 the maker of Oxycontin

00:56:16.380 which has been responsible

00:56:17.400 for the opiate epidemic

00:56:18.480 that exists in this country

00:56:19.460 is finally facing

00:56:20.620 federal criminal charges

00:56:22.120 there we go 0.99

00:56:22.520 rightfully so

00:56:23.140 and it's very exciting for me

00:56:24.180 as a big part of my story there was some therapeutic power in those pills but the the downside of those 0.98

00:56:32.100 pills was massive tragic ruin the fucking country a half a million dead americans as a result of one 0.98

00:56:37.160 fucking branded pill right marijuana is not the same way it's got a lot of therapeutic benefits 0.99

00:56:42.020 it ignites appetite in cancer patients it makes you know pts it might have helped ptsd victims but 0.99

00:56:48.640 you know you like you said you got to look at how it affects you personally and then make a decision

00:56:53.480 based on that yeah 100 yeah it's not for everybody but you're right it is therapeutic like i there

00:56:58.060 are there are people in situations where i'm like yo i'd much rather you just smoke a joint than to

00:57:03.840 take take all those bottles man like honestly yeah you know i have friends in my you know i got a i

00:57:09.140 got a friend that that that you know smokes weed a lot but i i understand and i don't want to put

00:57:15.300 his business out there but i understand i'm like yeah i'm 100 behind that i'd rather you do that 0.98

00:57:20.380 than to take those fucking pills you drinking either or no no i've never been it's so funny 0.98

00:57:25.200 that you said i was just talking about this the other night i literally drink to socialize right 0.99

00:57:29.960 yeah but it's never been like i don't have a bar you know i mean i don't have like scotch yeah i'm

00:57:35.400 like yeah i got yeah i don't have like i don't have some uh this great yeah i got some jameson

00:57:39.520 it's delicious you know i mean like it's never been my thing yeah you know i mean but i'll 0.86

00:57:43.440 occasionally drink but don't get me wrong i i do uh get fucked up and that's not good 0.79

00:57:48.740 when you when you drink yeah because i'm not doing it for the flavor mike you know what i mean like 0.97

00:57:54.140 i i never understood that i'm never like you know i could use a fucking gin and tonic right now 0.89

00:57:58.440 what do you drink what do you drink it doesn't make sense to me what do you drink i'd rather 0.96

00:58:01.340 have a back you throw a back quick yeah it's real quick like i hate it when people go oh my god like 1.00

00:58:06.140 i hate girls that go like this i love tito's like what the fuck what the fuck are you talking about 0.99

00:58:11.540 yeah that makes no fucking sense to me like what are you talking about oh my god this is so much 1.00

00:58:16.500 better like what what is better it all tastes like shit what do you prefer it tastes the same 0.99

00:58:20.920 what do you prefer what you drink uh i will do uh jameson if i had to choose anything but i have 0.99

00:58:27.420 to mix it yeah it has to be brown you ever get clear clear i will end up you know in a in a

00:58:33.420 back seat somewhere someone's car how did i get here like that's that's what vodka or tequila do

00:58:38.980 to me the older i get the less i uh vibe and mix with uh alcohol and weed specifically alcohol

00:58:46.320 yeah i i i i throw up uh pretty much every time i drink now the other night 3 a.m yeah 3 a.m me

00:58:54.000 sitting out back by myself just by myself just throwing up throwing up on my patio just sitting

00:59:00.760 there just same with the pee situation you can't find a bathroom to save your life i don't like

00:59:05.260 those i don't you ever thought about throwing up out a window i bet you have as opposed to in the 0.72

00:59:09.760 toilet you know what's crazy logan about logan you want to hear something crazy um i pee outside 0.99

00:59:15.180 too and i haven't said anything this whole fucking time that's fucked up yeah i pee i have bathrooms 0.98

00:59:21.280 everywhere in my house and i pee next to the kitchen off to and there's this area down by 0.99

00:59:26.900 my thank you and we pee in the same spot thank you and and my son does it too and i learned it

00:59:31.940 from my dad yeah and and and he pees on the same spot and it's kind of like that now it's this 0.77

00:59:36.220 alpha male thing so i piss on top of his piss yeah and um it's like no this is my house i pay 1.00

00:59:40.560 everything you came out of my dick yeah like that's where you came from and uh and and and 1.00

00:59:45.740 i'm not even bullshit if i called him he would vouch for it like that's that's how i'm i'm not 0.99

00:59:50.100 even lying me my brother my dad my dog there's a side on our house like just like just like every

00:59:55.860 other healthy father son relationship like i don't from the midwest dude i saw my dad peeing once and

01:00:02.020 two feet to his right his dog was peeing next to him i said that's a man and his dog i want that

01:00:06.160 Yeah, that's beautiful. Nothing's changed. That's beautiful. That's and that's that's a beautiful story

01:00:11.180 You got tick-tock joke boy. You're like this dad. I want to be just like you

01:00:15.900 And then he was like this learn how to do the splits first

01:00:19.300 Oh

01:00:21.620 He can't do this place. He can't I can't my mom. She's gymnast. I got it from my mama. I'd like to see GP try

01:00:28.100 Can you still do this? I can fuck man that I told my nephew that's that's because he's he taught me all these uh 1.00

01:00:35.180 stretching exercises because like i said i've grown all the time so i've been learning how to 0.99

01:00:38.920 do you want to know how i could do the splits how because i really i'm not even joking i i told them

01:00:43.180 i want to eventually learn how to do the splits check this out this is for everyone who's uh

01:00:47.280 hella depressed because they're injured and they love activity sports you have a goal that you want

01:00:52.160 to accomplish when it comes to athletics this is for you all right uh so my mom was a gymnast so

01:00:57.160 there i think there is a gene in me that's like inherently flexible but i wasn't inherently

01:01:00.520 flexible i had a knee surgery when i was a freshman took me out of the football season all i wanted to

01:01:06.320 do just like every other kid was be a pro football player and i had a really really really bad knee

01:01:11.680 injury worse than an acl tear i tore a piece of cartilage about the size of a quarter in my knee

01:01:15.540 cartilage doesn't grow back so they had to like uh stunt the growth by like uh making holes in my

01:01:22.780 knee and trying to circulate blood flows blood flow is a disaster and when i went to pt physical

01:01:28.300 therapy they'd always just make me stretch i couldn't i couldn't squat i couldn't squat even

01:01:32.200 a little bit i could barely bend my knee type thing i had to uh at night sit in this machine

01:01:37.620 that would move my leg for eight hours every night no while i while i slept just to just to

01:01:42.600 get the motion back for like for like four months disastrous this was like one of the darkest times

01:01:47.800 of my life it's when i made like a conscious shift to start like manifesting and writing my destiny

01:01:52.240 because i was like yo i have to get it out of here like i want to be successful i wrote all

01:01:56.020 these things on paper no shit yes how old were you 15 what just so just started manifesting 0.87

01:02:01.000 everything because i was i was so upset i couldn't go to school because i had to sit in this machine 0.96

01:02:06.320 in the day and at night and um i couldn't do football with the rest of my friends

01:02:10.780 and so i'd always just stretch and uh it was and that's what they always told you stretch always

01:02:15.880 just stretch it was always a stretch and finally when i was uh able to play football again i still

01:02:20.160 couldn't squat i couldn't do the weight so the rest of the football team is squatting is always

01:02:23.600 just stretch and then i was like 18 years old and i was like stretching one day i was like holy 0.93

01:02:28.860 holy fucking shit i think i could do the splits i think i can do this is weird i'm like a i'm like 0.96

01:02:32.920 a muscular 18 year old that can do the splits yeah and in wrestling it turned out uh to work 0.99

01:02:38.320 in my favor because what i lacked in strength in my legs because i still have pretty skinny legs

01:02:42.460 i made up in flexibility then the vine came around and now you have this six foot two like

01:02:47.340 semi-built dude that can hop into the splits and i was like you know people say everything happens

01:02:53.140 for a reason whether or not that's true or you can just apply it to anything to suit your life

01:02:57.400 and the events that have occurred in it what was the darkest moment in my life helped aid in me

01:03:04.680 becoming this social media star because the uh split videos are one of the first videos that

01:03:09.700 ever went viral and well that's like that put me on the map like yeah bro i remember i remember i

01:03:13.640 was backstage at the i think it was the vmas i was presenting an award uh and bts won the band

01:03:21.560 The K-pop band

01:03:23.520 Massive

01:03:24.320 Probably the biggest band on the planet

01:03:25.700 BTS won and I presented them their award

01:03:28.080 And they saw me backstage

01:03:28.980 And they all looked at me

01:03:30.600 And one of them looks at me

01:03:32.120 The next one looks

01:03:32.660 And they all start tapping each other 1.00

01:03:33.880 I'm like holy fucking shit bro 1.00

01:03:34.840 This is the biggest band on the planet 1.00

01:03:36.560 I'm presenting their award

01:03:37.420 There's no way they know who I am

01:03:38.460 And they all go

01:03:39.260 Oh 1.00

01:03:39.700 Splitmen 1.00

01:03:41.120 No 0.99

01:03:42.220 Splitmen 1.00

01:03:43.300 I'm like what the fuck bro 1.00

01:03:45.720 Wow bro 1.00

01:03:46.400 All because of these splits

01:03:48.420 That I thought

01:03:49.260 At the time when I was stretching

01:03:51.060 and wasting my time so it felt like was going to aid in this this massive progression as just like

01:03:58.880 a creator and it was just it was fascinating to see the turnaround of something so that went

01:04:04.420 that went from 15 to 18 15 to 18 i would always just didn't do one squat that's so crazy not a

01:04:10.840 single squat i was just literally that's how how it happened yeah yeah it's nuts yeah so can i just

01:04:15.700 say we share a parallel you could do lives lives no one with the uh the peeing outside yeah and

01:04:22.380 two the most traumatic injury to ever happen to me was when i was 14 i had to stay in the hospital

01:04:28.000 for uh like six months like seven surgeries whoa yeah compound femur fracture whoa busted tibula

01:04:35.700 and fibula but my bone came completely out of the skin yeah motorcycle yeah and literally that

01:04:42.160 14 I turned 15 in the hospital one breaker or chat or do you have a shatter was it just one

01:04:48.580 clean break oh one clean break it snapped out I think this is what happened because my tibula

01:04:52.240 and fibula snapped in half too but but when I got hit I got hit head-on with another motorcycle

01:04:57.700 right we were coming around the same yeah it was at some recreation I shouldn't have been there

01:05:02.840 crotch rocket or like a modified little no it's a little dirt bike okay by the way I'm 14 so it

01:05:08.240 It wasn't like a 250.

01:05:09.080 That's what I'm saying.

01:05:09.360 It was like an 80.

01:05:10.040 Yeah, okay.

01:05:10.520 You know what I mean?

01:05:11.200 Why is he 80?

01:05:11.860 A 12. 1.00

01:05:12.200 Fuck you, Mike. 1.00

01:05:12.720 A 12. 1.00

01:05:13.480 Look at Mike.

01:05:14.720 A 12. 1.00

01:05:15.580 What a bitch. 1.00

01:05:16.060 It was this big. 1.00

01:05:17.020 What a bitch. 1.00

01:05:17.500 It was this big on the counter. 1.00

01:05:19.100 Wow. 1.00

01:05:22.340 Fuck you, Mike. 1.00

01:05:23.960 I was doing heroin at 12. 1.00

01:05:26.880 All right?

01:05:27.360 Tell us more about that.

01:05:28.020 I was blowing strangers.

01:05:29.640 For crack.

01:05:30.440 For crack.

01:05:31.280 Tell us more about what happened on your tech deck, man. 0.99

01:05:33.620 You're talking about your fucking tricycle? 0.99

01:05:36.500 Your Lego? 1.00

01:05:37.020 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.00

01:05:38.660 Your motorcycle made of Legos. 1.00

01:05:40.260 Let me tell you what I did.

01:05:42.180 You want trauma? 1.00

01:05:45.120 Try shooting heroin up your asshole while you cinch off your dick muscle. 1.00

01:05:50.740 Can we still monetize this? 1.00

01:05:52.840 Can we still monetize this episode?

01:05:54.700 Because this is informative.

01:05:56.180 It's for the children.

01:05:58.060 This guy's talking about scooters.

01:06:01.100 Lego bicycles.

01:06:02.140 That's his sweet spot.

01:06:03.560 The burns are his sweet spot.

01:06:05.000 He's so good at it, bro.

01:06:06.280 he said is that your is that your home what that's your best spot i think i just i don't know i just

01:06:11.660 i've always the comebacks or whatever it's always been my thing all right so you're in the hospital

01:06:15.640 you've shattered your whole body on a little lego bicycle hey i'll decide when to start my story

01:06:19.540 how's that mr conductor slow down all right it's not in mic full it's impulsive logan runs the ship

01:06:27.320 Stay below 1.00

01:06:29.520 Motherfucker 1.00

01:06:30.220 Oh my god 1.00

01:06:32.740 I was so happy about this bro

01:06:35.780 All of us are gonna need to go to the hospital

01:06:37.620 Mental hospital 1.00

01:06:39.920 You're affecting us 1.00

01:06:41.940 Mentally 1.00

01:06:42.780 Dude his shoulder's been

01:06:45.260 Directed at you guys the whole time

01:06:47.240 And I'm just creeping back

01:06:48.940 George is like if I don't say anything he won't look at me

01:06:51.560 This is the quietest I've ever been on a podcast

01:06:53.460 It's your guest you got him here

01:06:55.720 Hanging back

01:06:56.400 Say something please George 1.00

01:06:57.740 They've been giving me shit 1.00

01:06:59.020 For so fucking long 1.00

01:07:00.480 Really? 0.97

01:07:00.780 Can't say this

01:07:01.580 Can't do that

01:07:02.140 Can't do this

01:07:02.660 I brought my boy 1.00

01:07:03.260 Fuck you guys 1.00

01:07:04.300 I'm sorry 1.00

01:07:08.620 We love it

01:07:10.020 Don't say sorry

01:07:10.840 I love you guys man

01:07:11.940 No but I was in the hospital

01:07:13.040 For six months

01:07:14.460 But dude

01:07:15.000 Compound femur fracture

01:07:16.140 You gotta remember

01:07:16.640 This is the 80s

01:07:17.380 So they don't have the technology

01:07:18.480 There's no computers

01:07:19.420 Yeah 0.99

01:07:19.780 Or any of that shit 0.99

01:07:20.700 The doctor literally 1.00

01:07:22.280 Literally said

01:07:23.160 We're gonna drill a hole 0.96

01:07:24.780 through your shin this is real talk you guys i had four pins put into my thigh just to hold it in 0.84

01:07:30.360 place and then they drilled a hole through my shin and put a pin through that and then a triangle

01:07:35.240 to go over to hold the pin like this and attached it to weights it was so what do you mean it was

01:07:41.140 attached to weights attached it to weights on a pulley to pull my leg but this was this was what

01:07:45.660 were dinosaurs still around at this point dinosaurs are still around i'm gonna go to the bathroom 0.98

01:07:49.440 yeah yeah that was you should because that was a horrible fucking joke 0.99

01:07:52.420 Wow 1.00

01:07:55.460 What a pussy 1.00

01:07:56.620 He shot and ran 1.00

01:07:57.620 He didn't even fucking wait for 0.99

01:07:58.800 But the shot hit here 0.98

01:07:59.840 It didn't even hit me

01:08:00.580 Look

01:08:00.940 You want to see it?

01:08:03.020 Oh yeah

01:08:03.680 Let's go

01:08:04.140 Oh wait 0.98

01:08:04.900 You're going to take your pants off?

01:08:05.660 I want to be impulsive

01:08:06.360 Sure okay

01:08:07.020 Wow

01:08:07.340 Can we do this?

01:08:07.880 Yeah of course

01:08:08.360 It's fantastic

01:08:08.920 I'll step out of the way

01:08:09.640 Oh you still have a scar from

01:08:10.760 Oh it's bad bro 0.57

01:08:11.620 Ho

01:08:12.600 Ho

01:08:13.360 Whoa

01:08:14.300 Oh my god

01:08:15.500 And that's where it came from

01:08:16.280 Wait Caleb can you see that?

01:08:17.560 Yeah

01:08:17.780 Wait it looks like there's a

01:08:20.040 Turn to the side

01:08:20.740 Oh it comes out

01:08:21.580 I feel like I could see something.

01:08:23.180 What's protruding?

01:08:23.880 Oh, I don't like that.

01:08:26.380 I don't like that.

01:08:27.600 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:08:29.100 Do you ever do that to girls when you're taking your pants off?

01:08:31.500 All right, George. 1.00

01:08:32.340 Just be like, yo, before you suck this, check this out. 0.99

01:08:34.440 All right, George. 0.99

01:08:35.540 You poke me, I poke you afterwards.

01:08:37.240 Poke.

01:08:37.680 Bro, it's an air bubble.

01:08:38.880 Yeah.

01:08:39.340 Were you showing your scars off?

01:08:41.040 Yeah, you missed it.

01:08:41.640 You missed it.

01:08:41.860 You missed it.

01:08:42.520 It's not a scar, dude.

01:08:43.740 He's got a pocket.

01:08:44.420 He's got a pocket there.

01:08:45.220 I'm sorry, Mike.

01:08:46.160 That's what happens when we leave.

01:08:47.540 Yeah, worse than yours, man.

01:08:48.720 Yeah, because it's not a scar.

01:08:50.340 You got one here?

01:08:50.980 Oh that thing

01:08:51.800 That small thing

01:08:52.520 Hold on

01:08:52.900 That's cute 1.00

01:08:53.480 What are those stirrups 0.99

01:08:54.960 Nice

01:08:55.520 What's that a pocket

01:08:56.180 Oh that was pretty bad

01:08:57.760 Okay that one's pretty bad

01:08:58.400 I got scars all over my body Joe Coy

01:08:59.620 Yeah

01:08:59.980 And not from Lego bicycles

01:09:01.520 No 0.68

01:09:02.160 Damn 0.97

01:09:03.780 From chewing heroin 1.00

01:09:04.620 To my asshole 1.00

01:09:05.340 I hit my dick around my fucking neck 1.00

01:09:07.860 That's funny 1.00

01:09:11.760 Alright so

01:09:12.120 I'm surprised you have a leg

01:09:13.540 But then how did that

01:09:14.720 How did you transform that into

01:09:16.860 Here I'll show him Mike

01:09:17.660 I'll show him Mike

01:09:18.200 Oh yeah

01:09:18.560 You have to see

01:09:19.140 It's kind of weird 0.99

01:09:19.600 It's kind of fucked up 0.98

01:09:20.400 In a good way, I guess 0.99

01:09:22.280 But alright, now poke it

01:09:24.360 Like a whoopee cushion

01:09:25.180 Are you getting that?

01:09:31.980 Where's my camera?

01:09:33.060 Maybe my scars aren't that bad

01:09:35.240 That's not a scar

01:09:37.180 That's like a part where

01:09:39.380 Iron Man's costume wasn't built properly 0.99

01:09:41.500 Or some shit, dude 1.00

01:09:42.380 He could stick his finger inside of his fucking body 1.00

01:09:45.080 Yeah 1.00

01:09:45.760 It was bad, it was so bad

01:09:48.420 i remember i remember there was dirt inside the marrow right and uh and the doctor said if we

01:09:54.000 don't get all of this out because i was in er for about i'd have to say i'll make this number up but

01:09:58.320 it was a long time it was about 10 hours yeah because they said we can't leave they kept telling

01:10:01.760 my dad we can't even leave a little grain in there if there's a little grain it's done your

01:10:07.480 body yeah we will probably have to cut the leg saline a lot of saline a lot bro i mean elephant

01:10:13.040 syringes no yeah i remember them just squirting it and i was screaming it was the worst i remember

01:10:19.560 the guy uh the doctor dr wickman was his name and uh and i remember him like uh like say like

01:10:26.480 because i was 14 he was like say whatever you want kid say it that we don't worry just say it

01:10:31.840 whatever you want because i was cursing and yeah and he didn't care he was like just do it say it

01:10:36.720 say whatever you want kid do it and then he just kept doing he goes i know i know i'm sorry and

01:10:40.980 just what did you say no pain no pain i was just current i was cursing at the person that was 1.00

01:10:45.480 doing it like you fucking asshole you know at that age you're already going yeah well 14 bro 1.00

01:10:50.440 and i had my leg sticking out my you know my leg was cut in half and you know and they kept and i 1.00

01:10:55.200 just wanted to go to oh oh this is why i was really mad because i wanted to go to sleep i go just let 0.87

01:11:00.480 me sleep let me fucking sleep and they go we can't we can't let you sleep and why uh because when 0.90

01:11:06.440 you're in shock you can't go to sleep you have to be up if you if you're in shock and they put you 0.99

01:11:10.360 to sleep you can die going or going to coma yeah yeah going to coma so they you have to stay up and

01:11:15.160 oh it was it was the worst but did that parlay into any sort of success you said we oh because 0.99

01:11:21.080 yeah the reason why did it yeah motherfucker i still have stadiums um because you're talking 0.98

01:11:26.500 about your leg came out of your leg well because i had to stay in the house and all i did was watch 0.98

01:11:31.140 stand okay now okay that's what the link yeah yeah but i thought you would put that together but uh 0.99

01:11:35.080 Why the fuck would I put that into you? 0.97

01:11:37.040 I don't know. 0.99

01:11:37.660 Maybe Cliff Notes.

01:11:38.820 Maybe Cliff Notes next time for Paul.

01:11:42.300 Look at George.

01:11:43.000 He said something mean about you before the show.

01:11:44.520 What did you say, George?

01:11:45.620 Say something mean to him, please.

01:11:47.100 What did you say?

01:11:47.780 I can't.

01:11:48.200 I didn't say anything mean to you.

01:11:50.900 I'm just kidding.

01:11:51.520 You got to know what to hold him and to hold him.

01:11:53.420 I know I'm out of my league at this point.

01:11:55.260 I'm a funny guy.

01:11:56.660 I'm in the back row.

01:11:57.800 I'm chilling.

01:11:59.420 Was your mom with you for that surgery?

01:12:01.880 Because you credit a lot of success to your mom

01:12:04.460 Pushing you to do stand-up

01:12:05.760 Well, because before, you know

01:12:07.780 It's hard to talk to the young generation now

01:12:12.860 Because we move so fast

01:12:14.320 It's crazy how you've adapted

01:12:17.180 You know what I mean?

01:12:17.960 Like you've moved forward

01:12:20.420 Like I don't understand

01:12:21.720 When is it going to be old for you and you?

01:12:25.060 You know what I mean?

01:12:25.600 Like when?

01:12:26.860 TikTok, yeah

01:12:27.700 TikTok's old for us

01:12:28.500 Yeah, see, and that's what it was for me

01:12:30.260 See, when people said, like, when they said Vine, when they said Vine, oh, you're still

01:12:39.280 doing horrible references.

01:12:41.140 How is that bad? 0.99

01:12:42.700 A cure for polio was a good fucking joke. 0.99

01:12:44.820 I know, I know. 1.00

01:12:46.480 See, that's-

01:12:47.400 Is this a coffee house?

01:12:48.280 Because that's where you're performing.

01:12:49.200 I'm taking notes, Mike.

01:12:50.580 He's destroying you.

01:12:52.120 No, obviously, he's a professional comedian. 1.00

01:12:53.880 I'm fucking not. 1.00

01:12:54.660 I'm just throwing out little fucking ziggers, George. 1.00

01:12:56.940 I'm doing what I can. 1.00

01:12:57.820 I'm against the fucking ropes, George. 0.99

01:12:59.600 I'm doing what I fucking can, George. 1.00

01:13:04.900 You're for polio. 1.00

01:13:05.860 It's a fucking AIDS joke. 1.00

01:13:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:13:07.540 Fuck. 1.00

01:13:08.000 It's okay. 1.00

01:13:09.020 It's okay. 1.00

01:13:09.820 Fuck. 1.00

01:13:10.380 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:10.700 This is where the comments go crazy.

01:13:12.660 They're already going crazy.

01:13:13.980 They're already going crazy.

01:13:14.480 They're so happy.

01:13:15.680 They're like, finally, Mike got what he deserved for cutting people off and saying mean things.

01:13:19.660 Replace Mike with Joe.

01:13:20.960 Replace Mike with Joe Coy or Evan or someone.

01:13:23.260 Just not Mike.

01:13:24.520 We hate him. 1.00

01:13:25.400 Kill Mike. 1.00

01:13:26.820 Joe Coy's right. 1.00

01:13:27.660 He's an idiot. 1.00

01:13:28.260 Shy hair went in his ass. 1.00

01:13:29.120 tied his dick around his neck moron fuck mike i can't do this this is fun man welcome to impulsive 1.00

01:13:38.400 no but uh no but i i love how you've you kept moving yeah you guys like adaptation 1.00

01:13:43.920 it's hard though isn't it it's fucking hard uh isn't it some people

01:13:50.880 it's not for me i'm a bit of a chameleon yeah and i study formulas and i study what works then i do 0.66

01:13:56.960 do it better yeah yeah i do notice that it's been my key i none of my formats i don't think

01:14:02.660 none of them are new i just i just see what people are doing i'm like oh that could work

01:14:07.020 i may be able to do that and then just practice practice practice no that's great i don't think 0.74

01:14:11.680 till we hit podcast like 150 i was like got it yeah 150 fucking episodes i was like ah i think

01:14:17.420 we got a little i think this is something yeah you know that's great correct me if i'm wrong but 0.85

01:14:21.020 i'm pretty sure when you started vlogging there you would delete it you wouldn't even edit it

01:14:25.020 You would just practice talking to the camera a few times.

01:14:27.160 Am I wrong or wrong?

01:14:28.080 I think you're wrong.

01:14:29.140 Who was that?

01:14:29.580 Was that Mark?

01:14:31.140 I think Mark did that.

01:14:32.200 How dare you?

01:14:32.640 I think you're wrong.

01:14:33.160 I'm sorry.

01:14:33.440 But even vlogging took me three years.

01:14:39.020 Like, I can't go back and look at the old vlogs I made, my old content.

01:14:42.760 Do you have trouble watching your first stand-up bits?

01:14:45.000 I can't watch any of it.

01:14:46.060 Why?

01:14:46.700 It's hard.

01:14:47.440 It annoy you or you're like, wow, I was so green.

01:14:50.040 I was so...

01:14:50.560 Well, because it's like, one, I'll miss a joke.

01:14:53.740 That makes me mad. 0.99

01:14:54.520 i'll miss a tag that fucking kills me inside where i just want to like kick the fucking tv in 0.99

01:15:01.920 because i'm like are you fucking kidding me i did that joke for a year and a half and now i 0.96

01:15:06.640 this is my biggest moment i forgot it i fucking forgot it like so there's a lot of things like 0.94

01:15:11.720 that uh this was by far my this was my no not this is coming in hot um but my other one before 0.91

01:15:17.580 this live from seattle was that was my baby man that was my everything yeah i watched it was

01:15:23.700 I watched it three times.

01:15:24.760 It's fantastic.

01:15:25.260 Well, the reason why it was my baby is because Netflix didn't give me a shot.

01:15:29.460 They didn't want my special.

01:15:31.600 So they kept turning me down, which was crazy because I was breaking all kinds of records.

01:15:35.160 You know what I mean?

01:15:35.520 I was like selling out everywhere.

01:15:36.840 I was like six months in advance.

01:15:39.040 I'd have 15 shows sold out at improvs.

01:15:41.520 I had multiple theaters.

01:15:42.600 And then we were like, yo, we got this hour.

01:15:45.100 And we went to Netflix and we knew that they were going to start doing original specials, not just buy specials.

01:15:50.500 They were going to make specials.

01:15:51.640 and i wanted to be on that i wanted to be one the first to do it because it was their year 2017 was

01:15:57.860 when they were going to do it so i was like i need to be on that i knew everyone that was going to be

01:16:01.420 on it like all the names they were bringing out of retirement to do it i was like i want to be on

01:16:05.580 that run and uh they turned me down they kept turning me down and i was there was this one

01:16:10.040 time where i was like oh i told my manager i was like fly him out just fly him i'll get a private

01:16:14.640 jet fly him they go watch my show limo back to the plane and flying back that finally they just

01:16:20.520 said uh well one they kept saying they couldn't make it they're like we decided to go ethnic

01:16:24.520 no no no no they they wait what yeah yeah no they they they uh they they they what they said is the

01:16:32.000 calendar was full it was whatever they said is fine like it's their decision it's not up to me

01:16:36.340 it's it's their network it's their platform you know i mean so i could have went two ways right 0.91

01:16:41.080 i could have been like fucking mad at the world and went on twitter or whatever and blasted them 0.99

01:16:44.720 yo fuck netflix you know i mean everyone cancel your subscription because that worked out so well 0.99

01:16:49.540 last month yeah but uh but i didn't want to do that i i knew i had an a on a fucking amazing hour 0.99

01:16:57.140 and and i knew if they just saw it that they would buy it so i paid for life from seattle i paid for 0.61

01:17:04.380 everything when you watch it i'm broke bro like completely both those shows i paid for from all

01:17:10.480 four walling it to to the promotion of it to all the cameras in there the director i hired the 0.98

01:17:15.840 producer i heard the lighting guy the fucking guy that made the jk behind me that shit i remember 0.99

01:17:20.920 when they came i was so in financially that i was just numb to the point where they were like 0.99

01:17:26.920 say something like hey you know this this floor is so old because it's an old theater

01:17:31.460 it won't look good on these cameras because we're using reds we should laminate the floor and i'm

01:17:37.240 like how much 12 000 and i'm like i'm like and i'm like i'm the exec i'm the one writing the

01:17:44.320 checks and i'm like yeah yeah just laminate the floor because i in my head i it was the investment

01:17:51.260 i had to make was it had if netflix does buy this it has to look like netflix made it yep i can't

01:17:58.480 make something and and oh they didn't shoot it no no he sold it i i shot it you can and you want 0.82

01:18:05.020 to hear this mike this is how fucked up it was they well no first of all i love netflix i love 0.94

01:18:10.020 everything about netflix i'm glad i'm glad they put me in the position because i didn't think i 0.95

01:18:14.720 had it in me to do what i did but and i'm glad they put me in that position to to step up to

01:18:19.260 the plate and do it and i made a beautiful product but but uh they oh man you're gonna love this

01:18:25.840 when they knew i was shooting it they still called my manager and they were like hey just to 0.99

01:18:31.580 reiterate we're not interested oh man shit like like basically saying even if you shoot it 0.98

01:18:38.320 we're not we're not buying we don't yeah just to let you know like we don't and that man they 0.99

01:18:43.540 and they were supposed to do that like how can that not be completely demotivating how can that

01:18:48.180 not be completely demotivating bro you don't think i was you i was i was backstage when i shot show

01:18:52.340 because i shot two shows at night and uh and the first show i was kind of mad because i didn't feel 0.92

01:18:57.320 i wasn't i wasn't on i wasn't on and uh and there was a couple jokes that i i fucking missed and i 0.84

01:19:03.900 I was so mad. 0.86

01:19:04.740 Like, I didn't like my intro walking out.

01:19:07.300 There was just a lot of pieces.

01:19:08.460 And I remember up in the green room, you know, I got my son, bro.

01:19:11.940 Like, my son's in the green room.

01:19:14.020 Like, dad's about to do something.

01:19:16.480 You know what I mean?

01:19:16.920 And I got to impress my son.

01:19:18.580 My son knows what Netflix is.

01:19:19.980 He knows.

01:19:20.320 He knows.

01:19:21.040 Of course.

01:19:21.360 You know what I mean?

01:19:21.740 And his dad isn't a part of that. 0.99

01:19:24.180 And it fucking hurts your ego, right? 0.99

01:19:26.040 And now here I am trying to prove it. 0.99

01:19:27.720 And show one, I got all my money in.

01:19:29.860 And I didn't hit it out the park.

01:19:31.980 Now I only got show two.

01:19:33.120 you know and i remember my agent was back there my manager and i'm just like yo this is not 0.98

01:19:38.760 fucking fair i remember i was so mad i'm like this is fucking bullshit dude like like i gotta 0.99

01:19:43.640 pay for this shit and i remember my aunt my agent was like dude you're gonna kill it just let us 1.00

01:19:48.620 handle the don't worry about yeah you're gonna make something good we got it just go out there 1.00

01:19:52.400 and have fun fuck it just have fun and and i remember that was like that motivation that i 0.98

01:19:56.500 needed to hear and i i killed show too i fucking destroyed it i i ad if you watch uh uh live from 0.99

01:20:04.260 seattle that that that first the first four or five minutes is all off the top of my head like 0.98

01:20:10.900 even when i talked to the lady in the front row about her peeing and all that and then there was

01:20:14.840 this joke i did about uh uh elevate your feet like none of that i've ever ever done ever yeah it was

01:20:22.040 just off the top of my head i treated that night like i was performing at a night club at a comedy

01:20:28.220 club and and and i remember i got off stage and i go we got it i go we that's so cool that's there's

01:20:33.900 so much nobility and believing in your product 100 investing in yourself oh please man but play

01:20:42.000 make sure you tell these kids because this generation doesn't get it yeah they still think

01:20:47.420 that you know oh oh you just you just did a special on netflix uh put you on and now you're

01:20:53.540 successful no man they netflix said no you guys they said no about six or seven times even when

01:20:59.260 they found out you were that would have that would have killed me that would have killed me

01:21:04.500 and i love netflix everyone over there joanne neal robbie prahl all them cats robert gamel 0.99

01:21:09.740 the whole family i love them and and it's not their fault it's a business it's a it's a fucking 0.69

01:21:15.260 business so i have to yeah they how do i how do i get mad at somebody that has to make a million 0.97

01:21:21.460 dollar decision yep how how how like i bet mike or george like no matter how funny you are whatever

01:21:28.680 how are you going to convince this this company with a million by the way they don't even own

01:21:34.180 the company they're they're being paid to make a responsible choice and now they're gonna look at

01:21:39.480 george and go oh yeah here's one point blah blah blah make go make a special and then it flops

01:21:44.260 and now they get fired

01:21:45.760 they don't have a reason

01:21:48.000 he said the schedule

01:21:49.340 that was the core reason

01:21:52.200 but they put me on

01:21:53.380 did they see the product

01:21:56.200 this is fantastic

01:21:57.480 we brought it to them and it was so funny 0.99

01:21:59.480 I won't do the personal shit 0.98

01:22:01.460 no I can't because it's 0.99

01:22:04.300 politics

01:22:04.780 but I brought it

01:22:06.880 we brought it to Netflix and literally

01:22:08.840 it was about

01:22:09.900 30 minutes and they called us and said

01:22:12.720 don't don't bring this don't shop it we want it wow yeah oh that's such a good feeling yeah bro 0.98

01:22:18.920 when i was in the editing bay by the way by the way you guys all right you fucking kids out there 0.82

01:22:25.120 if you want something and and you invest you have to be involved in every step of the process start 0.93

01:22:32.140 to finish all right don't don't let someone edit your product and they get mad when that airs and

01:22:36.780 like but i didn't mean to say you were there bro yeah you edit it like you're responsible and then

01:22:42.520 take full responsibility as well but i remember when i was in the editing bay uh we were there

01:22:47.200 for three days and and i i remember that third day when we finally cut the end of it i we we all

01:22:53.060 high-fived we were like oh we got it that's so cool like yo this is the such a great feeling

01:22:56.800 this is this is gonna be legendary like this i felt like that one was gonna be my my that was

01:23:03.200 my my piece that was that was when i when i retire this is what my son's gonna be proud of 0.99

01:23:08.640 Like, this is my fucking moment. 0.96

01:23:11.160 Anyways, I didn't mean to do that. 0.99

01:23:12.360 No, that's when he first turned me on.

01:23:14.080 Oh, Live from Seattle?

01:23:14.820 Yeah.

01:23:15.080 He goes, bro, there's this comedian.

01:23:17.000 You've got to watch it.

01:23:17.700 Live from Seattle.

01:23:18.520 Joe Coy.

01:23:19.300 I came back from a trip with him, and he sat me down.

01:23:21.860 He's like, yo, you really got to be a stand-up.

01:23:23.480 And being a stand-up to me wasn't like, yo, be a stand-up.

01:23:26.180 I love acting, but people always say, yo, you're really funny.

01:23:28.680 Do it.

01:23:29.320 And I do this thing where I make everybody in the room laugh, and it's just-

01:23:32.160 We call it the George show.

01:23:33.040 Yeah, it's just like a little bit that I just do when I know jokes in my head.

01:23:35.740 but it's different than when you go on stage so i go okay i've already watched all of your stuff

01:23:40.660 so now i'm gonna go and watch it and pause and see how you're structuring your jokes like how do

01:23:46.100 you like there's times where you pretend like you're forgetting something and you remember so

01:23:49.600 i'm sitting there i'm watching you and i'm glad you said the first five minutes because i paused 0.99

01:23:53.820 it and i was like there's no fucking way this fucking shit's written i was like there's no way 1.00

01:24:00.380 yeah i paused i rewinded i go did he put this bitch in the front seat like how the fuck is 1.00

01:24:05.160 his bitch laughing exactly the way he's describing shit crazy and so i'm sitting there i'm watching 0.99

01:24:10.140 i call look i can't do it man i can't yeah you know you discouraged him because that's that's a 0.99

01:24:16.880 that's a really hard because you have it right because like you you do it in front of i'm in the

01:24:20.980 moment tell him tell him where he should start tell him where he doesn't know where to start

01:24:24.480 neither of them do oh no where do you start anywhere like i yo i did stand up in an empty 0.97

01:24:29.300 nightclub so it's like you know i did him anywhere a diner any it doesn't fucking matter like 0.80

01:24:34.980 when i practiced my last tonight show set i did at a weed house because i knew they had a an open 0.84

01:24:40.540 mic on a tuesday and i needed to get up so to have an excuse of saying oh there's nowhere oh like i

01:24:46.480 can go up anywhere if you put a a mic there and we just put some seats i'm gonna do it are you

01:24:51.480 not nervous if there's like 11 people no what scares me is when there's less people because

01:24:55.900 then you can oh that's that's when you should be that's when you should be scared yeah when there's

01:24:59.880 less people when you do an arena no you shouldn't the energy is already there control like yeah

01:25:03.880 they're there like the the when they're when they're there it's because they're there for you

01:25:08.960 when you're in a coffee house and it's seven people they're there for a coffee

01:25:13.280 that's the truth yeah so now you really got to sell how many times have you bombed oh my god so 0.75

01:25:20.880 i mean my first time on stage i fucking ate it dude it was so i remember uh going to the comedy 0.80

01:25:25.840 store and walking out when it was my my call like when they were like hey you're next and i was like 0.94

01:25:30.200 just ninja it out there's so much of that that people don't see yeah all like you talked about 0.98

01:25:35.320 before all that overnight success shit is really 20 fucking years buried under the 0.84

01:25:39.300 the surface and people never see it yeah i i love telling people like you know 0.98

01:25:44.360 respect where i came from before you get mad at where i'm at sure right absolutely respect it 0.92

01:25:50.980 dude because i put a lot of years into this shit a lot dude coming in hot was amazing too that was 0.86

01:25:56.580 that was my favorite uh special but that one that was another one where i uh i had to improvise a 1.00

01:26:01.960 lot because this chick in the second row barfed on the chick in the front row amazing that's awesome 1.00

01:26:06.180 and the whole left side no the whole right side was complete fucking chaos so i had to play left 0.95

01:26:12.860 on the first show so matt i remember telling the chick i go i have over a million dollars in 0.99

01:26:17.400 cameras here you're not gonna fuck this night up you're not gonna fuck this fucking night i was so 0.99

01:26:22.340 mad i told i told everyone i go stop the fucking cameras i go you're not gonna fucking end this 1.00

01:26:26.280 night i go this is my night there's a million dollars of fucking cameras in here and this is 1.00

01:26:31.160 not your fucking night i go and i forgot what else i said i go are we good turn the fucking cameras 1.00

01:26:37.060 on i was so fucking mad you were mad while performing yeah how does that not fuck i was 0.99

01:26:42.400 not okay a lot of people say i um i saw this on jamie like jamie fox did this special and he had 0.98

01:26:49.580 like uh outtakes and uh and in his outtakes his his uh i think his jacket broke or something broke

01:26:55.820 during his set and it was an outtake he put it in and he goes oh we can cut this all out

01:27:00.460 or something like that he's like oh we can edit this out so my first three specials i never

01:27:05.920 remembered the jamie fox thing i i always barreled through my my sets like if something was went 0.89

01:27:11.820 wrong i just kept going because i was like oh the cameras are on yeah just fucking do it ignore it 0.68

01:27:16.680 if someone does something i'll ignore it whatever like and that was on my first three specials 0.97

01:27:20.720 um that third one i remember jamie that's the best shit i remember what jamie did and and when 0.94

01:27:27.460 that shit happened man right into it man i looked at the camera and uh and i and i and i said the 1.00

01:27:33.060 director's name i go stop cut i go bitch you are not gonna fuck this one up man not this one bitch 1.00

01:27:39.020 i got 8 000 people in this motherfucker we're not stopping for one bitch you're gonna stop this 1.00

01:27:44.120 shit well she just kept throwing up no it was just this insanity of just fucking yelling and 1.00

01:27:50.340 then there was vomit but it's always too much like if she just vomited you would have made a 1.00

01:27:54.020 joke about it and kept it moving but it just the whole crowd exactly if she if it was if it was one

01:27:58.540 thing where they could have cleaned it up and just like which they were trying to do but it was just

01:28:02.680 this well you get vomited on it's just being annoying no i'm not i'm not seeing the chick 0.97

01:28:07.160 that got vomited on i feel for her it's the other bitch that yeah or someone in that crew 0.99

01:28:12.540 that was fucking it all up she trashed or did she eat some bad red lobster you know what man 1.00

01:28:17.360 maybe it was her diet mike i don't fucking know bro yeah it was uh she doesn't like broccoli 0.99

01:28:23.200 well i thought you would have seen what was in the puke and been able to answer 0.97

01:28:25.680 i checked it out i stopped the cameras and go what did you eat i'm allergic to

01:28:31.440 no zucchini no i had no idea i was just i was upset at the situation and i knew

01:28:38.240 if i let it keep going it was going to that whole special up yeah so i had to

01:28:43.280 oh dude that that's one of my favorite specials is coming in hot so listen georgie i'm only saying

01:28:50.140 this because i want it documented on record i don't know if it has been yet but you took the

01:28:54.420 leap when you moved to hollywood to do whatever you felt like you could do and it ended up working

01:28:59.080 out for you you just got to take the same leap into stand-up comedy because i really believe

01:29:04.080 in you and i think that's a such a strong innate lane for you and i push you bro there's that time

01:29:10.040 member for a month every day texting you reminder to do stand-up comedy reminded to do stand-up

01:29:14.720 comedy yeah you just got to do it bro i know it's scary i know it's scary yeah it's terrifying i'm

01:29:19.120 gonna tell you right now it is the worst especially because check us out check us out he's in a little

01:29:25.280 bit different of a boat because like people know him and he's and he's already funny online right

01:29:31.080 he can make the cuts in post-production that is hard so when he comes in there's a stigma already

01:29:35.480 attached to being George Janko that oh this guy's hilarious and if he's not I bet you you in your

01:29:40.460 mind it might upset you that you don't match the image that people see online that's what it is I

01:29:46.260 was I actually because we talked about it I you even were nice enough to be like yo come on

01:29:52.100 yeah to the show open up for me and get your your cobwebs off and feet wet yeah and so but that's

01:29:57.980 also and let me tell you why I said that too because I did it for batch too you guys still

01:30:02.180 friends right of course here we love and i love that and uh and what i love about batch the most

01:30:06.540 is when he wants to do something he fucking does it when he says he's gonna do it he's doing it

01:30:11.860 and i love that about him and uh and when he expressed interest about doing stand-up 0.96

01:30:16.620 i go i go bro i know how famous you are and if if you put your name on a bill that house is

01:30:25.600 gonna fill because of your name and you better make sure that you can live up to that responsibility

01:30:31.200 because you're asking for a lot of money

01:30:33.380 and you're going to make a lot of money.

01:30:35.200 And if they leave mad,

01:30:37.260 you've just not only lost fans, 1.00

01:30:39.060 but that shit is never coming back. 0.99

01:30:40.960 Even if you do get good, 1.00

01:30:42.900 even if you do get good,

01:30:44.180 they're not coming back.

01:30:44.640 Hold on.

01:30:45.140 You think that,

01:30:46.200 but also at the same time,

01:30:47.180 if they truly are your fans,

01:30:48.640 they do give you a little bit more of leniency.

01:30:50.440 No.

01:30:50.600 I think they will give George a shot.

01:30:53.780 Not even if you address it,

01:30:54.800 not even if you say like,

01:30:55.780 hey,

01:30:55.940 get that completely out of your head. 1.00

01:30:56.780 If you fucking suck, 1.00

01:30:58.340 they're not going to come back. 1.00

01:30:59.800 I guarantee you.

01:31:00.420 No not come back

01:31:01.240 Yeah so you have the responsibility 1.00

01:31:03.320 To make sure your shit is right 1.00

01:31:04.640 You know don't 1.00

01:31:06.060 That's an art form

01:31:07.160 You know what I mean

01:31:07.520 And you gotta respect that art 0.99

01:31:08.900 You would suck if Pearl Jam 0.97

01:31:10.260 Came out with no guitars 0.96

01:31:11.360 But they still want 500 a show

01:31:13.600 You know what I mean

01:31:14.060 So like old man reference by the way

01:31:17.480 Love Pearl Jam 1.00

01:31:18.140 Great fucking band 0.99

01:31:19.080 And now I love you Mike 0.99

01:31:20.080 Phytology

01:31:21.000 Phytology 1.00

01:31:21.760 Great fucking albums bro 1.00

01:31:23.360 But ending on a good note 1.00

01:31:24.540 I love this

01:31:25.040 This is what I said to Batch

01:31:27.120 I go do my show

01:31:29.080 i already have a built-in fan base that only knows me and i won't even tell people you're coming

01:31:35.140 i won't say batch i won't even say you know even hint yeah just come just sneak in because the

01:31:41.500 show's already sold out i don't need you to sell my tickets i sell my own tickets and just come in

01:31:46.140 and they'll give you the most honest feedback you know what i mean they will be the most honest

01:31:50.760 with you you know and it's not only that it's humbling too it's humbling to be someone like

01:31:55.540 batch who has i don't know 20 million whatever it is and to come into a room where we don't know

01:32:00.840 who this guy is you know i mean like maybe eight of his fans are there but the rest are an older 0.78

01:32:05.540 demo you know it's my demo he did great and he and he would do it all the fucking time until he

01:32:10.680 got this rhythm you know i mean and that's that's what you need you need to be able to just like 0.80

01:32:14.940 not use your name and just go up and fail because failure is good you might not you might not even

01:32:21.560 I've only been on stage a couple times

01:32:24.140 And the first thing I noticed immediately

01:32:25.360 Was that the energy either drives you or breaks you

01:32:27.520 When I get on stage and there's a

01:32:29.300 I've done just speaking but I'll joke around a lot

01:32:31.780 And I'll go off the riff

01:32:32.580 The energy of the crowd makes me feel

01:32:35.860 Like I feel great

01:32:37.300 Like I'm in front of these people

01:32:38.520 They are engaged with me

01:32:39.320 It's very different than a camera

01:32:41.060 There's no one there looking at you right now

01:32:43.020 There's no one there laughing at all your jokes

01:32:44.960 When that crowd starts laughing

01:32:46.320 It puts you to the moon

01:32:48.920 It gives you the confidence that just makes you go

01:32:51.560 And it brings you to a level you would never get to in front of a camera 1.00

01:32:53.760 Or three people in a fucking room 0.99

01:32:55.340 Don't crush it 1.00

01:32:56.760 But you also have to learn how to

01:32:59.480 Adapt to a room that's not responding

01:33:01.760 For sure

01:33:02.360 But that's where the coffee houses

01:33:05.940 Come in play, that's where the garages come in play

01:33:08.240 That's why I'm not scared to do that

01:33:09.940 Because it's like, oh, okay, good

01:33:11.880 You're not laughing, that's fine

01:33:13.360 But that's what you're learning 0.91

01:33:15.180 That's the skin, the shell 0.99

01:33:17.760 The armor that you're building when you do shit like that 0.97

01:33:19.660 What do you do in those circumstances? 0.99

01:33:21.120 I just keep going 0.99

01:33:21.860 I really don't give a fuck if you don't laugh 0.99

01:33:24.160 I'm rich 0.99

01:33:25.860 That's the attitude

01:33:29.460 Honestly, it really is

01:33:31.380 Like I said, I was thinking about it

01:33:34.960 And I think I got spoiled with it

01:33:37.860 I really never had a failing moment

01:33:39.920 And I think that's what scares me

01:33:41.620 When I came into social media, I knew dick about it

01:33:44.500 Like nothing

01:33:45.080 Logan's like, hey, you're really funny

01:33:46.880 I'll put you on

01:33:47.420 You know how to write jokes

01:33:48.260 And then he just gave me 1.00

01:33:49.340 A fucking platform 1.00

01:33:50.160 And then I just thrived from it 1.00

01:33:51.800 My first movie audition

01:33:53.540 Did amazing

01:33:55.100 I got so lucky

01:33:56.040 Killed in the box office

01:33:57.320 I did my auditions first year

01:33:59.080 I booked five in a row

01:34:00.280 And was on huge TV shows

01:34:01.320 I've never had anybody be like 1.00

01:34:02.660 You just fucking failed 0.99

01:34:03.740 And everybody since I was a child 1.00

01:34:05.840 Was like

01:34:06.120 Do stand up

01:34:07.200 And I think I run away from it

01:34:08.620 Because I don't want to let people down

01:34:10.100 Yeah

01:34:10.540 That's the fear though

01:34:11.860 But that's everyone

01:34:12.680 That's just

01:34:13.900 Stand up is scary bro

01:34:15.140 I mean public

01:34:16.120 you know public speaking is the number one fear so scary i'd rather i'd rather do what will did

01:34:21.320 and jump off a hot air balloon and bungee yeah as scary as that is i'd rather do that if they 0.96

01:34:26.960 gave me an option when i was deciding holy shit there's no fucking way wow impossible that's my 0.98

01:34:34.400 dad that's greg paul is in the house caleb ask him where he pees that's amazing oh here he comes 0.99

01:34:40.780 Come on

01:34:42.060 Hey what's up

01:34:43.020 Dad this is our guest

01:34:43.700 Joe Coy

01:34:44.140 How are you

01:34:44.640 Stand up comedian

01:34:45.460 We had a funny conversation

01:34:47.760 I just shook his hand

01:34:48.480 You have to 1.00

01:34:48.980 No no no

01:34:51.340 I wish you were here

01:34:52.200 For the pod

01:34:52.660 You'll understand

01:34:53.320 I had to shake your hand

01:34:54.440 It was an inside joke

01:34:55.060 It's mandatory

01:34:55.680 Is he wearing a Trump 2020 hat

01:34:57.480 I have COVID

01:34:58.180 I carry it around

01:34:59.000 I give it to everybody

01:34:59.620 Alright listen

01:35:01.420 You can't

01:35:02.080 You can't come on the podcast

01:35:03.020 Saying you have COVID

01:35:03.940 Wearing a Trump 2020 hat

01:35:04.960 In fact

01:35:05.780 Caleb don't even

01:35:06.700 Pay the camera too many more

01:35:07.660 Dad back up

01:35:08.780 Dad back up

01:35:09.260 Back up

01:35:09.620 It was so fun

01:35:12.840 And familial

01:35:13.600 He can have his opinions

01:35:16.380 He can have his opinions 1.00

01:35:18.640 Don't fucking silence your dad 1.00

01:35:21.060 He pees with his dog 1.00

01:35:22.040 We were talking about us peeing

01:35:23.720 And you know how we always pee outside

01:35:25.160 Why does your dad look younger than Mike

01:35:27.100 I'm putting that out there

01:35:29.620 Why does he look younger than Mike

01:35:31.180 He eats venison

01:35:31.940 I'm telling you

01:35:33.200 I knew it

01:35:34.660 I looked older until I had COVID

01:35:37.060 We're wrapping the show up

01:35:39.480 Joe, you got a show coming up at Semicapacity, right?

01:35:42.640 Yeah, we got some shows, but go to joekoy.com, J-O-K-O-Y.com.

01:35:46.020 I also have a Netflix show that's about to come out,

01:35:48.540 and then my new special on Netflix, In His Elements,

01:35:51.980 where I shot it in the Philippines.

01:35:53.400 Fantastic.

01:35:53.940 Yeah.

01:35:54.460 Very cool, man.

01:35:55.120 Yeah, we'll be watching, man.

01:35:56.240 Thank you for coming on.

01:35:56.920 Oh, oh!

01:35:57.500 And?

01:35:58.420 People's Choice Award.

01:35:59.320 Everyone, go vote for me right now.

01:36:00.600 Yeah, congratulations.

01:36:01.880 Go vote right now.

01:36:02.320 Congratulations.

01:36:03.060 It's worth double.

01:36:03.760 I want that award because that special that I shot, In His Elements,

01:36:07.280 meant a lot to me

01:36:08.300 and I would love to

01:36:09.580 bring that award

01:36:10.380 back to the Philippines

01:36:11.640 fantastic

01:36:12.200 go see an Eddie Vedder

01:36:13.760 show with me soon

01:36:14.420 I will do that

01:36:15.300 alright let's do it

01:36:15.940 let's connect

01:36:17.240 old people you know

01:36:18.100 yes

01:36:18.420 scars and all 0.97

01:36:19.700 can I bomb at your shows 0.98

01:36:20.880 one million percent

01:36:22.380 I've already said that George

01:36:23.540 thank you guys for listening

01:36:24.620 to this episode

01:36:25.120 Impulsive

01:36:25.560 hit that subscribe button

01:36:26.440 we'll see you next time

01:36:27.140 take it easy

01:36:27.600 bye

01:36:28.120 Lisa

01:36:29.260 tell them about our new show

01:36:31.020 we have a new podcast

01:36:32.400 it's called

01:36:33.080 Don't Lie to Me

01:36:33.880 I'm Lexi Iwanu

01:36:35.160 we're two best friends

01:36:36.360 22 years apart, but so close at heart.

01:36:39.540 And I'm Lisa DiGiulio, the old one,

01:36:41.640 which means we have wildly different references,

01:36:43.860 occasionally different opinions.

01:36:45.200 And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all.

01:36:48.140 Now in my 30s, being the founder of New Shoes,

01:36:51.000 Good Taste is my business.

01:36:53.200 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

01:36:56.080 or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:36:59.760 I'm Hamza.

01:37:00.700 And I'm Martin.

01:37:01.260 And we're the hosts of Out of Character,

01:37:02.680 the best podcast in the world.

01:37:04.300 It's really funny and a good time.

01:37:06.260 Really?

01:37:06.360 Yeah, yeah. I think statistics just came back and we're one of the funniest two guys with mics.

01:37:11.380 And that's pretty hard to beat right now, but it's true, actually. 0.99

01:37:14.740 Why should people listen to us? Tell them.

01:37:16.480 Well, we're trendy, we're funny, we're topical. You get all your news here.

01:37:19.880 Not, you know, the facts, but maybe our takes on it and everything in between.

01:37:24.180 So listen out of character on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

01:37:30.120 I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

01:37:35.420 the true crime comedy podcast

01:37:37.200 all about robbery, fraud, and those

01:37:39.380 who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing

01:37:41.520 guest. Ooh, I scammed them.

01:37:43.280 What? I could talk to you for an hour.

01:37:45.280 You're a generational yapper, like me.

01:37:47.280 That's why I had to make yapping a job.

01:37:49.280 And now you can catch full episodes of my show

01:37:51.460 on YouTube. Start listening to

01:37:53.340 Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app,

01:37:55.520 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

01:37:57.280 podcasts.

01:37:58.480 Scam Goddess!

01:38:00.320 Hi, this is Kylie Brakeman, Angela Jaritana,

01:38:02.880 Jeremy Culhane, Patrick McDonald, and we're the hosts

01:38:05.360 of the Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists podcast.

01:38:08.340 The Improvised Character Comedy podcast

01:38:10.060 where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft.

01:38:14.100 Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants.

01:38:17.220 And we do a little Halloween sometimes.

01:38:19.480 Does the Pope dress up?

01:38:20.820 He winks on Halloween.

01:38:23.080 He gets right up next to the microphone.

01:38:24.360 I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other.

01:38:27.960 You've never seen Italy so quiet

01:38:30.260 as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween.

01:38:32.740 Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Impaulsive with Logan Paul - October 22, 2020

E228 We Got Roasted By Jo Koy

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Transcript