JustPearlyThings - June 04, 2023


How RELATIONSHIPS Starts Nowadays


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

223.28285

Word count

2,113

Sentence count

172

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss monogamy in relationships and why it's a bad idea to date a woman who already has a child with a previous partner. We also discuss the benefits of having a step-parent in a relationship and how it can help heal a broken heart.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 But this is genuinely because of women.
00:00:02.440 Do you guys agree that in general sex comes before relationships nowadays?
00:00:06.240 Yeah.
00:00:07.240 In general.
00:00:08.240 Yeah.
00:00:09.240 Got some cappers on the couch.
00:00:10.240 No offense.
00:00:11.240 Sometimes sex happens just if you're just talking.
00:00:14.960 Yeah.
00:00:15.960 But women are in control of who they sleep with. 1.00
00:00:16.960 Yeah.
00:00:17.960 Women are in control of sex. 1.00
00:00:18.960 So if relationships are failing, women are the ones leaving relationships. 1.00
00:00:23.480 So it's unfortunate because when we get all the power, we go, boy, we abused it.
00:00:27.240 Let me tell you.
00:00:28.240 But we use it in the wrong way.
00:00:29.760 Do you think it's fair for women to expect monogamy if they have children from a previous 0.91
00:00:33.720 guy?
00:00:34.720 Ah.
00:00:35.720 I mean, I think you should expect monogamy if the conversation hasn't been had otherwise.
00:00:40.720 Yeah.
00:00:41.720 You know what I mean?
00:00:42.720 Just generally.
00:00:43.720 Exactly.
00:00:44.720 I agree with that.
00:00:45.720 I feel like if you've got children from a previous relationship, I think it's probably more likely
00:00:50.940 that you're going to get cheated on because you're going to know that that person probably
00:00:54.880 has less option to just walk away after that.
00:00:58.000 It's more likely that they will try and work out if they've already got children from a 0.78
00:01:01.960 past relationship.
00:01:02.960 They don't necessarily want to lose that person that they've been in a relationship with.
00:01:06.920 You know what I mean?
00:01:07.920 Yeah.
00:01:08.920 I think that as long as there's honesty, you know, then anything's possible.
00:01:13.880 But without that, then, you know.
00:01:15.880 And don't ever undermine the power and influence of a stepfather or a stepmother.
00:01:19.880 I came from a single parent family who had shouted at my mom.
00:01:23.840 My dad ran away.
00:01:24.840 And this man came into my life and he's the biggest blessing that's ever happened to me.
00:01:29.840 So, like, honestly, don't...
00:01:30.840 I know this is a random spur.
00:01:31.840 Sorry.
00:01:32.840 It's just emotion speaking.
00:01:33.840 It's the most important thing.
00:01:34.840 It's the only thing that could potentially eclipse the heartbreak of not knowing your real
00:01:40.400 father or your real mom.
00:01:41.840 If someone's strong enough, manly enough or willy enough to come in and take that role,
00:01:45.840 it doesn't fill the void permanently, but it does help.
00:01:49.840 It helps heal the heart so much.
00:01:51.800 And it puts that male energy as well that you probably need to do.
00:01:54.800 Yeah, but the issue is it's just a bad deal for guys, to be honest, to date a single mother. 0.61
00:02:00.800 But you say that, though.
00:02:01.800 Yeah, but he's the same fact.
00:02:02.800 I could call my stepdad right now and I'll tell you for a fact.
00:02:04.800 I know, but I'm not talking about you.
00:02:05.800 He hit the jackpot.
00:02:06.800 Right?
00:02:07.800 I'm not talking about you.
00:02:08.800 I'm talking about in general.
00:02:10.800 I'm a hypocrite on that because I was raised by a single mother.
00:02:15.800 My mother to me is an angel, but I wouldn't want to go with a woman who already has a child. 1.00
00:02:19.800 And that's just no disrespect.
00:02:20.800 It's just like, for me, I just wouldn't want to do that because it's a lot to take from
00:02:27.800 and there's another man in the situation.
00:02:29.800 I don't want to have to deal with that.
00:02:31.800 At the same time, I'm a single mom.
00:02:33.800 Yeah, I'm a single mom.
00:02:34.800 And at the same time, when you want to meet me, you already know that I have a child.
00:02:39.800 And obviously, she will be my number one priority.
00:02:41.800 It doesn't matter.
00:02:42.800 No matter what.
00:02:43.800 Even myself, I'm going to put myself last.
00:02:45.800 And that's why it's kind of out of respect for me is because I'm like, I can't make a mistake
00:02:51.800 with a woman who's got a child.
00:02:52.800 Yeah.
00:02:53.800 There's that fucking Jerry Maguire movie where he's like, you don't shot the putty.
00:02:57.800 You don't mess around with a woman who's got a child already. 1.00
00:03:00.800 You have to treat her with a lot of respect.
00:03:02.800 It's a different, it's a more dangerous situation because people get hurt more.
00:03:05.800 Well, and you're supposed to put your-
00:03:07.800 I disagree with what you're saying.
00:03:09.800 What do you disagree with?
00:03:10.800 Yeah.
00:03:11.800 I mean, yeah, you have to put respect and all that.
00:03:14.800 But because I'm a single mom doesn't mean I'm a very weak person.
00:03:18.800 I'm more stronger than ever.
00:03:20.800 No, what I mean is because there's a child involved, I treat it more seriously than if
00:03:25.800 it's just me and a girl.
00:03:26.800 And if our feelings get hurt, that's one thing.
00:03:29.800 But when there's a child involved, that's a whole bigger situation.
00:03:32.800 Yeah, I agree.
00:03:33.800 And that's why I wouldn't-
00:03:34.800 I agree, yeah.
00:03:35.800 I would be more, oh, is this what I want to do?
00:03:37.800 Yeah, but at the same time, if you can be straightforward and at the point and honest
00:03:41.800 and to have an open conversation with me, obviously we can agree.
00:03:45.800 And if things are not working out, that's completely fine.
00:03:48.800 I'm not going to get upset.
00:03:49.800 I'm not going to be depressed because you don't want to be in your life.
00:03:51.800 No, that's your-
00:03:52.800 And look, that's you, but like, I don't know every girl's as strong as well.
00:03:54.800 Yeah, yeah, of course.
00:03:55.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:56.800 That's, I'm talking just about myself.
00:03:58.800 Absolutely.
00:03:59.800 Well, but there's a couple issues.
00:04:00.800 Because one, if they raise, in the UK, if you raise someone else's kid, you have no
00:04:04.800 rights to that kid. 0.56
00:04:05.800 So it's like you could bond with the kid for 10 years and you have no rights to it.
00:04:08.800 Dude, if you've got your own kid, you've got no rights to it if you're a man. 0.63
00:04:11.800 Yeah.
00:04:12.800 So go to look with someone else's kid.
00:04:14.800 Right, but at least your genes are passed on.
00:04:16.800 But if you think of it from like a genetic point of view, there's no reason for a guy to date
00:04:20.800 a single mom.
00:04:21.800 Yeah, but it's never about the legalities or genetics.
00:04:23.800 It's about the impression you leave on another fellow human being.
00:04:27.800 Yeah.
00:04:28.800 I've just told you, I've spoken about a stepfather more fondly than I did about my own father.
00:04:32.800 That is, that's worth something, surely.
00:04:35.800 And I know we're not making it about me, but God, Jesus Christ, man, someone out there must
00:04:40.800 understand it's a beautiful thing to raise a child that's not yours.
00:04:43.800 And I think that sounds nice.
00:04:45.800 Again, like it sounds really nice.
00:04:47.800 But you know, if you had a son, you wouldn't encourage, if he had no kids, you're not going
00:04:49.800 to encourage him to date a single mom.
00:04:51.800 If I met a woman who was beautiful and gave me everything that I wanted, but just so happened 0.91
00:04:55.800 to have a child, you think I'm going to say no because a child isn't bad?
00:04:58.800 I think you should.
00:04:59.800 I think that's not very wise, to be honest.
00:05:01.800 But I wouldn't be the person I am today if my stepfather didn't take ownership.
00:05:05.800 And again, I think that's like great for you.
00:05:07.800 And I think you, you ended up in a good situation, but I think nowadays it's like, you have so
00:05:12.800 much to risk going into relationships as a guy.
00:05:15.800 Like you have so much to, like, you don't, you might not even understand it.
00:05:18.800 I just know because I'm doing this documentary in the court system.
00:05:21.800 So, and it's like, you, you could spend five years of your time, attention and resources,
00:05:25.800 and she can leave on a dime.
00:05:27.800 I mean, they're already leaving the father of their kids.
00:05:29.800 Yeah.
00:05:30.800 Like what is she going to happen to me before?
00:05:32.800 I mean, the, the, one of the last relationships I was in, um, with the mother of one of my
00:05:37.800 children, um, she already had three children when I, when I first met her.
00:05:42.800 Um, we've got a child together.
00:05:44.800 Um, but she already had three children, three beautiful children.
00:05:47.800 Um, we were in a relationship for, you know, five years.
00:05:50.800 Um, in that time I became somewhat the, these children's real father.
00:05:56.800 You know what I mean?
00:05:57.800 I'm there with them every day.
00:05:58.800 I'm doing the school runs, picking them up parents evenings, you know, doctor's appointments,
00:06:03.800 all those kinds of things.
00:06:04.800 And then, um, once our relationship had finished, I no longer had any rights to those children.
00:06:11.800 You know what I mean?
00:06:12.800 I've built up this beautiful relationship.
00:06:13.800 I look at them no different from my own biological children.
00:06:17.800 You know what I mean?
00:06:18.800 They were my children.
00:06:19.800 They asked, even to this day, they still are my children.
00:06:22.800 However, I don't have the same level of, you know.
00:06:24.800 Was their dad involved or was their dad like helping?
00:06:27.800 Or was he around?
00:06:28.800 He's not about, but he's not about, about.
00:06:29.800 You know what I mean?
00:06:30.800 And, and even the way that he would raise the children would be slightly different from
00:06:35.800 the way that I would raise children.
00:06:36.800 You know what I mean?
00:06:37.800 So we have our differences in that.
00:06:39.800 Everyone is different anyway.
00:06:41.800 And that's the other, like, that's the other issue I've heard is like, does she respect your
00:06:46.800 authority over the kids because they're not your kids?
00:06:49.800 Well, it depends how long you've been together because obviously if you're in the beginning
00:06:52.800 of your relationship, it's not gonna.
00:06:54.800 But if you're not respecting him in the beginning, how does he know you'll respect him in the future?
00:06:57.800 Yeah, you're respecting him, but at the same time you have to build that trust over time.
00:07:02.800 How did you feel, bro?
00:07:03.800 Just out of curiosity, giving back to those three kids.
00:07:05.800 Would you see it as some people insinuating, as something that you wouldn't encourage your next
00:07:09.800 man to go through?
00:07:10.800 You know what?
00:07:11.800 Do you regret it at all?
00:07:12.800 I don't regret it.
00:07:13.800 I don't regret it.
00:07:14.800 I mean, I think it's taken a mental toll on me.
00:07:16.800 However, I don't regret it.
00:07:18.800 I feel like the input which I put into those children's lives, you know, has been positive.
00:07:22.800 And I think that one day when they grow up, they will really appreciate it.
00:07:26.800 A hundred percent.
00:07:27.800 But what have you sacrificed?
00:07:28.800 And that's what I'm saying.
00:07:29.800 Yeah.
00:07:30.800 It's like, I wouldn't even like to have a breakup with a girl and her keep the dog.
00:07:33.800 It would fuck me.
00:07:34.800 I love dogs.
00:07:35.800 So do I.
00:07:36.800 Let alone like me attaching myself to a child and feeling like I love this kid.
00:07:41.800 I feel like it's mine, but it is like literally nothing to do with me after that day.
00:07:46.800 And then after five years.
00:07:47.800 Would you encourage your son to do it?
00:07:51.800 To do what?
00:07:52.800 I wouldn't, you know, I personally, I believe in hope and, you know, positivity.
00:07:57.800 So I would hope that, you know, if my son did go into that situation, he would be able to make the right decisions to make that relationship last and stick it out for the long run.
00:08:07.800 Because as I say, you know, a child needs a father.
00:08:10.800 Exactly.
00:08:11.800 And if you can be that positive role, male role model in someone's life, then be it.
00:08:15.800 Don't you think that's on her to get back with the dad of her kids?
00:08:18.800 Like, isn't it better if the actual dad is in their lives?
00:08:21.800 Yeah.
00:08:22.800 Yeah.
00:08:23.800 Of course, of course, it's better.
00:08:24.800 Of course.
00:08:25.800 So my question is if she's leaving the, and I'm not talking about your personal story, but if she's leaving the mother, like the father of her kids, which more likely than not she did.
00:08:34.800 Yeah.
00:08:35.800 And it's like, what incentive does she have to stay with you if she didn't even make it work with the guy who she had a child with? 0.97
00:08:41.800 Because we don't know.
00:08:42.800 We don't know that the dad that she was with, he might have been abusing her physically.
00:08:46.800 He might have been.
00:08:47.800 Well, and there's a little bit of a red pill on abuse.
00:08:49.800 Not as many women that say they were abused were abused. 0.75
00:08:52.800 And a lot of people don't know this because of the way the family court system is. 0.98
00:08:55.800 You have to ask if they filed a criminal case.
00:08:57.800 And if the answer is no, they may not have been.
00:08:59.800 Because the family court, you don't need any evidence to accuse and even like sort of prosecute where there's legal consequences a guy of abuse.
00:09:08.800 So there's a lot of girls that go around saying that. 1.00
00:09:10.800 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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