JustPearlyThings - July 25, 2023


Man Claims That He's Masculinity Is Toxic


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

181.49893

Word count

1,964

Sentence count

237

Harmful content

Misogyny

16

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about how to deal with a cheating cheater and how to handle a situation where a partner cheats on you. We also talk about our experience with cheating in our past relationships and how we dealt with it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Reality, he has reality.
00:00:01.080 Or he has another Instagram that you don't know about.
00:00:03.580 No, no, no, you don't understand.
00:00:04.960 If he complied to everything a woman says, 0.99
00:00:08.440 like, something is wrong.
00:00:10.100 He's not like the leader.
00:00:11.580 And you're not going to like him as well.
00:00:13.400 If he's just doing everything he does.
00:00:15.000 You're going to get bored.
00:00:15.920 At a certain point, definitely.
00:00:17.780 He might have bended to your rules for that curve,
00:00:22.220 but eventually it's not going to work out.
00:00:26.400 And let me tell you something.
00:00:28.120 My last relationship and the most healthy I had, to a point.
00:00:33.080 So I asked her to delete her Instagram.
00:00:36.520 I hate Instagram back then.
00:00:37.740 Why did you ask her to delete her Instagram? 0.99
00:00:39.580 Because I found it useless for her.
00:00:42.120 Why?
00:00:43.120 She was not making money out of this.
00:00:44.860 But do you need to have Instagram to make money out of it?
00:00:47.740 Why do you have it then?
00:00:48.600 Just to promote yourself?
00:00:50.320 Yeah, sorry.
00:00:52.060 I like how the cheater gets it.
00:00:53.720 You should all go through the proper cheating to understand something.
00:00:58.780 First of all, let me tell you what I did.
00:01:02.380 Okay, go ahead.
00:01:03.180 I told her to delete it.
00:01:05.220 She said yes immediately.
00:01:07.100 And I deactivated my account as well.
00:01:09.980 But she didn't ask me.
00:01:10.960 Is the difference, yeah?
00:01:12.240 And now why I said it?
00:01:13.560 Because there is no reason, any reason at all,
00:01:17.000 for her to upload pictures on Instagram or anything.
00:01:21.080 Why?
00:01:21.520 For who?
00:01:22.400 I'm in front of her.
00:01:23.600 She can wear anything she wants.
00:01:25.420 Maybe she's not doing it for you.
00:01:27.860 Maybe she doesn't have that validation.
00:01:28.720 Maybe family, friends, if she lives abroad whatsoever.
00:01:30.740 Family friends, she can send her mother on WhatsApp.
00:01:32.820 That could do.
00:01:33.620 Yeah, there is no reason why.
00:01:36.320 And because she was like a bit famous for what she was doing
00:01:39.460 in an international level.
00:01:42.000 So there was many people there on Instagram.
00:01:45.120 So yeah, I didn't want all these people to just follow her and watch her.
00:01:49.060 That was toxic from my side.
00:01:51.260 Yeah, I wouldn't do that now.
00:01:52.820 I wouldn't care at all.
00:01:53.700 But yeah, I'm telling you the situation.
00:01:55.960 Who told you that was toxic?
00:01:57.400 Why is that toxic?
00:01:57.920 People call it toxic these days.
00:01:59.280 Yeah, I felt it's controlling.
00:02:01.660 It's not toxic.
00:02:02.460 It's controlling.
00:02:03.480 And it's not fair.
00:02:04.360 No, no, no.
00:02:04.820 I'm saying toxic because it was like overruled.
00:02:07.380 For example, you don't like something, let her go.
00:02:09.580 That's it.
00:02:10.020 Don't put rules.
00:02:11.040 If she really wants you, she will understand on her own.
00:02:15.760 And then that's a green flag.
00:02:16.920 She will deactivate it. 0.95
00:02:17.900 She knows it's wrong.
00:02:18.620 So was she using Instagram as a job? 0.80
00:02:20.940 Like four jobs?
00:02:22.080 Like was it a business Instagram?
00:02:23.960 Because you said she was known internationally.
00:02:25.960 It was a bit of promotion, but she wasn't like actively making money from Instagram itself.
00:02:31.240 Can I ask how long the relationship lasted after this?
00:02:36.420 One week.
00:02:37.200 Totally lasted six months.
00:02:38.720 No, no.
00:02:39.080 After you asked her to close the Instagram.
00:02:41.480 Oh, that was maybe the first month.
00:02:43.700 After a month.
00:02:44.400 Do you guys think that a man should be allowed to go to a strip club in a relationship?
00:02:49.100 Just watch, yes.
00:02:50.220 Yeah.
00:02:50.640 Yeah.
00:02:50.980 Yeah.
00:02:51.140 Yeah.
00:02:51.320 Bachelor parties.
00:02:52.600 My ex did it.
00:02:53.440 And it was okay.
00:02:54.260 He went through with his friends.
00:02:55.980 As long as he's okay with me, it's okay to go to a...
00:02:58.480 Would you go to a show in Vegas?
00:03:00.160 Go to where?
00:03:00.980 To a show in Vegas.
00:03:02.340 What is that?
00:03:02.960 Las Vegas, for example.
00:03:03.860 And see all these male shows that they...
00:03:06.000 No, no, no, no, not at all.
00:03:08.420 Respect.
00:03:08.820 But we don't have to do it back if we are now and we agree with this.
00:03:12.520 I don't even do it as a single girl.
00:03:13.920 Actually, I have a question.
00:03:15.580 Have you guys ever had a celebrity DM you or message you?
00:03:20.000 Yeah.
00:03:20.880 So, no?
00:03:22.260 I dated.
00:03:23.520 I don't know if he's technically a celebrity, but he's well known in his field.
00:03:28.340 And we were dating for a long time.
00:03:30.340 Okay.
00:03:31.280 Have you ever had a celebrity?
00:03:32.320 No.
00:03:32.820 Yes.
00:03:34.040 No?
00:03:34.800 I had DM me, but I never dated.
00:03:37.540 I didn't say date.
00:03:38.240 I just said DM you.
00:03:39.140 Yes.
00:03:39.620 Yes.
00:03:39.900 Have you ever...
00:03:40.540 You don't have Instagram.
00:03:41.520 No, but I just...
00:03:43.740 Back in the days, I met someone that is actually really, really famous now.
00:03:48.080 Okay.
00:03:48.760 Yes.
00:03:49.340 What about you?
00:03:49.840 Yeah.
00:03:50.500 Okay.
00:03:50.760 Wait.
00:03:50.980 So, show of hands, who said yes?
00:03:52.720 It was...
00:03:53.420 So, out of...
00:03:55.300 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven random women that... 1.00
00:03:58.920 None of you knew each other, right?
00:04:00.420 No?
00:04:00.820 Okay.
00:04:01.000 Four, five have been messaged by celebrities?
00:04:04.920 Was it the same one?
00:04:07.860 But that's the point, right?
00:04:10.220 That's why guys don't want you to have Instagram.
00:04:12.800 Like, that's why it's cheating.
00:04:14.560 Because out of seven random chicks, more than half have been messaged by a celebrity.
00:04:20.740 And so, when you're in a relationship, a guy can message you at any time and ruin it.
00:04:25.420 But also, just on that, surely it's what you do in response.
00:04:30.580 Exactly.
00:04:30.760 You, like, delete, block, don't get involved, right?
00:04:33.920 Rather than, yeah, ooh, you know what I mean?
00:04:37.500 Would you...
00:04:37.620 Would you...
00:04:38.100 All right.
00:04:38.360 Well, what if the roles were reversed?
00:04:39.940 Would you want your boyfriend to go to a party where every single girl wants to sleep with him? 1.00
00:04:45.760 I mean...
00:04:46.620 I mean, not really.
00:04:49.200 Not at all.
00:04:49.740 But it's not quite the same thing, because one is physical, they're in your face, and one is, like, an electronic device.
00:04:55.580 Okay, would you want him to have Tinder?
00:04:57.940 Well, not if we're dating, absolutely not.
00:04:59.600 Why would you have Tinder if you were dating?
00:05:01.080 Yeah, any dating apps.
00:05:02.520 Instagram is not just a dating app, though.
00:05:05.500 Even though you're saying it's the most...
00:05:07.660 Why else would men message you on Instagram?
00:05:11.000 You don't have to respond.
00:05:12.340 I wouldn't respond.
00:05:13.180 He doesn't have to respond on Tinder.
00:05:14.680 He just wants to see the women that message him. 0.98
00:05:16.680 Yeah.
00:05:17.320 I get your point, but at the same time...
00:05:19.060 Just to look at them.
00:05:19.840 I'm curious from the men.
00:05:21.260 Have any of you been messaged by a celebrity woman?
00:05:24.400 Anyone?
00:05:24.580 Oh, yeah.
00:05:26.040 Where's the Tinder boy?
00:05:27.200 Where's the Tinder boy?
00:05:28.040 Bring him back! 0.86
00:05:29.720 Bring him back! 0.86
00:05:30.620 He probably had it all.
00:05:33.440 Yeah, but they're just friends.
00:05:34.860 Don't cap.
00:05:35.460 Yeah.
00:05:36.320 Don't cap.
00:05:36.880 Don't cap.
00:05:37.380 Don't cap, bro.
00:05:40.380 They're just friends.
00:05:42.100 You've been messaged?
00:05:44.020 I've been messaged, but...
00:05:46.900 They are not famous.
00:05:50.760 They weren't famous at the time, and then they got famous, and then they messaged me.
00:05:55.720 But...
00:05:55.940 So it was like an ex, sort of?
00:05:57.840 No, just like friendship, common friends, you know, people in the industry, and then someone
00:06:02.560 gets famous, and they're like, oh, shit, you exist, hey.
00:06:05.180 Okay.
00:06:05.780 Who was it?
00:06:07.500 Names?
00:06:08.380 No names.
00:06:08.960 No names?
00:06:09.520 Names?
00:06:09.820 I had a relationship with a celebrity, but we've met, like, in person.
00:06:18.100 She didn't text me, or I didn't text you.
00:06:19.760 Oh, okay.
00:06:20.860 I'm curious out of the girls. 0.50
00:06:22.580 Anyone want to give me the names who messaged you?
00:06:24.640 I can.
00:06:25.140 Yeah?
00:06:25.720 I can.
00:06:26.320 Yeah, who?
00:06:27.660 Right now, I don't even know how to pronounce his name.
00:06:32.020 Maximilian White.
00:06:32.800 He's the biggest cannabis, Maximilian.
00:06:38.980 I can Google him.
00:06:41.940 What is it?
00:06:42.680 What does he do?
00:06:45.780 I don't know.
00:06:46.600 He just...
00:06:47.140 He's a cannabist.
00:06:47.800 I mean, he's drunk.
00:06:48.460 He's a criminal.
00:06:49.600 No, he's not.
00:06:53.860 Okay.
00:06:55.100 Anyone else?
00:06:56.060 Any names?
00:06:56.680 Names?
00:06:57.140 No?
00:06:57.580 No.
00:06:57.880 I respect it.
00:06:58.740 No snitching.
00:07:00.640 Okay.
00:07:01.420 That's him.
00:07:02.800 Let me see.
00:07:07.980 I've never heard of him.
00:07:10.000 You're very brave, you know, today, saying things straight, raw, straight.
00:07:14.160 Why is she going off?
00:07:14.920 She's funny.
00:07:16.200 Okay, so, question.
00:07:18.260 If you refuse to sleep with your husband, do we feel bad if you get cheated on?
00:07:28.360 I mean, first of all, why would you refuse to sleep with your husband?
00:07:31.740 Like, what's going on?
00:07:32.960 One out of four women do it. 1.00
00:07:36.240 I don't know what to say to me.
00:07:37.480 Why'd you do it in the first place?
00:07:38.740 Why'd you sleep in the first place?
00:07:40.840 What?
00:07:41.360 Why did you have a sexual interaction in the first place?
00:07:44.600 They're married.
00:07:46.120 There's a lot more buildup before marriage. 0.87
00:07:48.980 It's not like you just met.
00:07:50.020 Like, oi.
00:07:50.780 Right.
00:07:51.300 We're going to get married.
00:07:52.040 Let's go.
00:07:52.300 No, no.
00:07:52.820 But so, I've talked to divorce attorneys about this.
00:07:55.260 Like, what happens typically is the woman, they'll have two kids and then just stop sleeping 1.00
00:08:00.740 with their husband.
00:08:01.780 What happens?
00:08:02.860 Their libido drops? 1.00
00:08:03.780 They're just not interested?
00:08:04.820 What?
00:08:05.100 I don't understand.
00:08:05.540 I think it's a control method.
00:08:07.820 I mean, like, because it's like, they'll sleep with him if he does chores.
00:08:11.760 Now it's mine.
00:08:11.860 Now it belongs to me and I can do whatever I want.
00:08:14.420 And I heard lots of women thinking like that. 1.00
00:08:16.880 Yeah.
00:08:17.320 In a way it's wrong.
00:08:18.360 I think it comes, so, I've seen it happen in my surrounding, whether it was friends or
00:08:24.780 family, they had a great foundation, great relationship, five kids, but two or three kids
00:08:31.280 down the line, things started crumbling slightly.
00:08:34.020 And it's not because someone cheated or maybe they did, but they worked around it and they
00:08:38.020 were still going.
00:08:38.780 And it was a decade solid example, multiple decades that I've seen solid.
00:08:43.060 And it just slightly crumbled over time.
00:08:46.860 And it could have been from the woman's side, from the man's side, whether either side left.
00:08:53.460 It just.
00:08:54.840 They got, they got five kids.
00:08:56.120 So my, my, my question is if the woman stops sleeping with the husband, can he cheat? 0.58
00:09:01.380 No.
00:09:01.780 In all honesty, that is a very weird situation.
00:09:06.840 I don't know.
00:09:07.180 That's really common.
00:09:08.120 I think it's not from both sides to perspective.
00:09:10.280 I mean, it's more common.
00:09:13.060 It's common one way though.
00:09:14.520 So you're married, right?
00:09:15.680 Which means for better and worse.
00:09:17.060 Yeah.
00:09:17.320 Right.
00:09:17.540 To death do you part.
00:09:18.420 You've done all the, the vows.
00:09:20.180 So you've entered a contract with each other.
00:09:22.200 So ideally no one should be cheating.
00:09:24.660 Everyone should be loving each other and giving to each other.
00:09:27.220 What should a guy do if he, if his wife won't sleep with him? 1.00
00:09:30.000 Have a conversation and say, Hey, what's going on?
00:09:31.780 Let's sort this out.
00:09:32.660 Because there's got to be something that's not quite right.
00:09:36.320 Maybe she's just fricking tired.
00:09:37.440 If she's got five kids like this example over here, you know what I mean?
00:09:40.880 I don't know.
00:09:41.440 But like, well, should he get tired and then just stop paying the bills?
00:09:45.860 Stop working?
00:09:46.240 No, no, no.
00:09:46.760 What I'm saying is when, when there's a, when, when there's a, like a, an issue, whether it's
00:09:54.200 from the guy or the girl or whoever, whatever, they should work it out together.
00:09:58.280 They're, they're a community.
00:10:00.100 I'm saying she is not sleeping with him.
00:10:01.820 Like she's refusing.
00:10:03.700 But why?
00:10:04.620 Give me reason.
00:10:05.380 Like, give me a reason.
00:10:06.160 And if she's like, no, no, no, then he has like, he technically, yes.
00:10:10.980 Cause he, if he still is desiring that he has a sexual drive and she doesn't, then why
00:10:15.660 not?
00:10:15.940 If so, if she can't provide it, then, you know, but, but I think they need to have a
00:10:20.060 conversation before he just says, Oh, well, forget you.
00:10:23.000 What can we do to sort this out?
00:10:25.180 If it's still not working, they usually do.
00:10:27.620 Okay.
00:10:28.020 They'll usually have a conversation and she still just won't do it. 1.00
00:10:31.200 Well, if she's like that, then he should be, that's what I said.
00:10:36.740 Yeah.
00:10:37.420 But breakup before, like, I think, you know, if he gets to the point that you talk, talk,
00:10:45.720 talk, it means the relationship is dead.
00:10:47.300 Yeah.
00:10:47.660 You know, so there's no point to moving on.