JustPearlyThings - Modern Women And Their Love For TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

00:00:00.000 um so what about you guys have you guys ever dated a toxic guy anyone raise your hand raise your hand

00:00:09.940 yeah razor kind of yeah i mean the thing is though when i look back on it i'm like was it

00:00:16.680 really toxic or did i just not know myself was i just not secure in myself um and i think also

00:00:23.980 the word toxic is thrown around so much and you know sometimes when you're talking with your

00:00:28.660 friends and they're just like oh that's so toxic but looking back i'm thinking we were both young

00:00:33.960 he was just doing him and i was just so like you know i don't know i won't say it was toxic maybe

00:00:41.140 on my behalf i had an unhealthy attachment but i i looking back on it i wouldn't say he was toxic

00:00:47.160 okay so you don't think he was toxic okay and what about you mine was a hundred thousand percent toxic

00:00:53.480 i just came to the realization as i was saying that out loud that he wasn't toxic

00:00:57.040 i was just like i was just like toxic i don't know um yeah a million percent i think maybe

00:01:05.840 in my i was the opposite in my head i was trying to make it seem like he wasn't um and i would

00:01:11.480 always defend him like i'd be out here defending him to everyone my parents like my whole family

00:01:15.860 my friends even to him like his family his friends i'm like no this is the guy for me even to myself

00:01:20.360 like become so deluded because i was so in love but i feel like again this love bombing phase in the

00:01:25.620 beginning like maybe i grew attached and fell in love with someone that doesn't actually exist

00:01:30.160 um but yeah it was just the the the regular things of just being unfaithful maybe he just

00:01:36.780 couldn't commit and he wasn't the guy for me but for someone else it may not be deemed toxic but for me

00:01:41.320 when i'm with someone i'm very tunnel vision so if they're not the same like what type of toxic

00:01:46.640 things did he do there was a few there was just loads of messages he would just go hot and cold

00:01:53.840 like days weeks no communication i was with him so you're dating him and he didn't talk to you for

00:01:58.500 weeks yeah he would just disappear and be like oh i just don't want to talk or he's sending little

00:02:02.980 messages like i just don't want to talk and i'll be like okay when when people go through things i'm

00:02:07.020 someone i give you space i'm not needy i don't need to be talking to you 24 7 you have your space but

00:02:11.740 then it become a regular thing and i was like either there's something wrong with you or there's

00:02:14.980 something up here um and i'm a big communicator so if you can't talk to me about stuff fine whatever

00:02:21.120 but i will try and try and try but you know in the end i won't bug you um i found condom wrappers

00:02:27.580 and i was doing the laundry you know being and they've been that good housewife and yeah no it was

00:02:34.480 just a lot and i'd say it was quite damaging but at the same time you learn from it you learn what you

00:02:39.380 don't want and how old were you guys when you dated the toxic guy only recently so 19 20 21

00:02:46.400 oh so you're you're 21 when you dated him okay that was only like eight months ago okay and then

00:02:52.360 how many how many years were you guys with him so he gave us solidly about a year and a bit and then

00:02:58.520 on and off i'd say two and a half years two and a half years a year and a bit a year and a bit but we

00:03:02.740 were friends for like really close friends for two years before that so okay and i'm curious did you guys

00:03:07.700 ever you said you caught him cheating yes yeah not in the act but yeah yeah you caught him cheating

00:03:13.960 i don't think he ever cheated on me but then i don't know at the same time anymore there's so much

00:03:20.180 that i just didn't know i don't want to get into that okay no no worries um when you caught him

00:03:26.180 cheating did you stay or did you leave i left okay but went back shortly after

00:03:31.340 i left the house and then went back and forth and back and forth but yeah it's not a good cycle

00:03:39.160 to be in 100 okay um would um any of you guys be open to dating a guy um that it's closed on your

00:03:48.080 end but open on his or he would sleep with other girls no no no no ew not that i know about it but you 1.00

00:03:56.100 might you might it depends it depends it depends yeah okay what about you no no um so i'm gonna

00:04:07.080 tweak it a little bit okay um so for me um it's dating to marriage and it's not really dating is in

00:04:14.520 a sense of how you guys would see it it would be we want to get married he'd be talking to my mom

00:04:20.240 my dad my brothers getting to know me with my male family members involved um so i wouldn't uh

00:04:29.200 sorry i forgot the question is it catching i was just asking if you would ever be open to

00:04:36.740 dating a guy where he's able to cheat but you're not basically um so we would be married and if he

00:04:42.900 wanted another wife where i am now um with the mindset that i have now um i wouldn't mind if he

00:04:50.400 had another wife but this is not another wife this is being unfaithful but but but i i'm not i don't

00:04:56.280 date men yeah so do you see what i'm so that's why i said the tweaking i don't i'd like i don't have

00:05:01.400 a boyfriend and i won't have a boyfriend because i'm a muslim woman we don't oh you don't that's 0.76

00:05:05.440 yeah that's strictly forbidden um so would you be okay with your husband sleeping around with loads

00:05:10.520 of different women then i guess that's the tweak not necessarily having one wife it would be 0.69

00:05:15.020 sleeping with those of other women no she said she said she'd be all right but no she said that

00:05:21.200 what she'd be happy with her husband having another wife yeah yeah not a side piece yeah yeah so but

00:05:27.580 you'd be okay with two wives who would be okay with a second wife anyone anyone no no no do you know

00:05:31.900 what she's like she does everything except the bedroom i'll be happy

00:05:35.780 um so you said no hell no and what about if it was just like casual stuff and then you're the main

00:05:45.560 girl no why why are you ranking who's casual yeah yeah either one or none simple i feel like it's

00:05:52.380 become normalized to normalize like people who believe in polygamy need to stay with them people

00:05:58.440 they can't try and convert the people who want monogamy in life but they do and that's where

00:06:04.940 this toxic stuff happens but yeah yeah all right auntie oh can you tell the story about when you

00:06:13.880 caught the guy cheating in the one in the bedroom yeah oh gladly oh yeah um i've seen this guy for a

00:06:23.060 long while and he's supposed to take me shop and he didn't turn up so i went to his house

00:06:26.180 but we used to hang out with all of his friends i was one of the guys and then this lovely young

00:06:30.860 lady i've heard of her i said hi and i asked where he was and she knew me because she's always

00:06:37.360 upstairs now i'm not upstairs and he just sort of like and she climbed into bed and he was just

00:06:43.220 and i was like and you can see him trying to i thought you're already in bed with her

00:06:48.420 yeah i could see him trying to dissing himself and i said to her is that your man she said yeah

00:06:54.380 i said hug him up it don't matter whoever's there you hug him up and she's like hold i said hug him

00:06:59.480 harder she goes would you like a cup of coffee i said yes please and she went downstairs and he said

00:07:05.160 i said what do you want me to say what do you want me to do because i'm not gonna hit her do you want me to

00:07:09.740 knock you out i said oh do you want me to scream and shout i said i'm just gonna sit here i think 0.81

00:07:16.580 i had lunch as well yeah i was like i ended up being her friend because i would hang out of all

00:07:21.300 the guys and all the guys was like nah when did you tell her did you tell her she must be no

00:07:25.520 now she's watching this oh i didn't tell her i was her friend he's a player i played at my mom's

00:07:32.920 party yes i said are you coming she said no he didn't invite me i said you come

00:07:37.540 how long does this go on for

00:07:40.960 until they split up until oh stop yeah you stopped anything with him oh no straight away yeah i stopped

00:07:49.640 but it was just fun to go there i said go there when he wasn't there she goes oh he's coming home soon

00:07:54.320 you know i'm just popping out to the shop so i said i watched dinner and i thought this is what

00:07:58.340 you're having for dinner yeah yeah but i was nice about it and i didn't disrespect her you know

00:08:06.240 and then one day i turned up and his whole car was covered in white paint i was just like oh dear

00:08:12.540 what did you do you know but yeah he deserved what she gave him clearly where did she put all the paint 0.96

00:08:21.480 all over his car gloss as well yeah you know what i don't have that in me i know some people have like

00:08:28.200 ripped windscreen wipers off they've keyed cars they've done all of that i just i feel like i

00:08:33.720 don't have it in me i could be so angry and upset but i just you do it in your head do you think if

00:08:39.060 we flipped the genders that it would be the same reaction like if i if i if i said oh i cheated on 0.96

00:08:44.120 a guy and he put paint all over my card and keyed it like people would have the same reaction of course

00:08:49.060 no i think that's petty i think they expect the whole car to disappear

00:08:52.380 a man wouldn't do something like that you just come out the car be gone no but it's if they

00:08:59.940 want it to be petty it's just interesting because i i feel like if it was the opposite like if i said

00:09:04.560 oh he keyed my car and did this after i cheated like it wouldn't result in people laughing you know

00:09:09.540 what i mean yeah yeah i think he's pathetic i think they think he's pathetic now i think people 0.95

00:09:14.700 would say that he's dangerous yeah he's violent or he's unhinged or abusive and police reports yeah 0.96

00:09:20.600 yeah 100% women are there that was soft i'll be like i'm glad it was the car and not me 0.99

00:09:27.000 yeah but i just think the way people are nowadays men are the villains in every scenario and

00:09:34.780 anything that happens to a woman if you flip it on its head and it happening to a man 1.00

00:09:39.780 it's always worse because women are saints we cannot do any wrong do you think so perfectly no i do not

00:09:46.960 she said that tongue-in-cheek i see her smile i do not think so but i feel like society

00:09:51.460 i just think conversations make it seem like that is the consensus as many of you know i was just

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JustPearlyThings - March 21, 2023

Modern Women And Their Love For TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

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