JustPearlyThings - On How to Have a Good Marriage

00:00:00.000 you also mentioned how your end goal is to be a wife and a housewife and have kids so if that's

00:00:04.800 your end goal don't you think it is important to consider how men are viewing you um yeah but it's

00:00:10.060 like for example if my end goal was my career then i would have to focus on career oriented

00:00:14.000 things but if your end goal is marriage and kids don't you think you have to focus on how men view

00:00:18.780 you and i think that's why can't i have a career and have marriage and kids no but i'm talking

00:00:22.900 about like your end goal like what do you want as the end is it just the career long term or is it

00:00:27.540 yeah i think marriage and kids will outweigh the career for sure yeah so considering the fact

00:00:33.000 that like by 30 women's eggs start to you know expire whatever and you know that is your end 1.00

00:00:38.500 goal just all these other factors you may lose your youth and beauty wrinkles don't you think

00:00:42.740 is important to consider what men will think about you if that's your end goal i feel like the right

00:00:47.620 man would not be judging me because i've gone to france and spain like what the hell is that about

00:00:53.720 like like that is just like like the guy i'm with he just doesn't care about this social media stuff

00:00:59.580 he just thinks it's a load of crap like he's met me and he probably had a few people say like out of

00:01:06.520 jealousy or whatever because i'm a popular figure certain things and it's like no i'm gonna he's 0.98

00:01:11.740 strong-minded i need a strong-minded man that's the thing i can't be dealing with these men that

00:01:15.560 be swayed by what they hear by he she or her so if a man was there in a hall yeah does that make him

00:01:21.060 strong-minded because he's it actually does i don't agree with that but it does

00:01:24.720 i think it does not to call you in that no no no no no no i know i'm just saying i actually think 0.97

00:01:30.260 it i'm not saying i'm not agreeing with men being with whores by the way that's what i'm saying i'm 1.00

00:01:34.460 saying but i do i actually do think it is very strong-minded for a man to get with one because

00:01:38.760 he's clearly saying i like you for you and despite what you've done and what everybody says about you

00:01:44.460 i'm gonna stand by you and i can actually respect that just that to a degree and i've said it so many

00:01:50.640 times when i've seen people do it where i've seen these men go for these women and everyone's like

00:01:53.740 why would he go for her but maybe she is actually a good girl like maybe good-hearted girl like maybe

00:01:58.520 she has made a lot of mistakes i think do you think it's unwise knowing the stats that i told you where

00:02:03.440 there's only a 20 chance that he'll be happy with her in 10 years you don't think that's simping a bit

00:02:08.080 it's a bit unwise no not if not if you want no no if your son came to you the hall would you be happy

00:02:14.900 with that of course not i just told you i don't think i don't necessarily agree with it but if he came to you

00:02:18.440 he said to you mom he's a good woman and whatever and like it depends on um no i would say no

00:02:24.080 personally because i think there's enough women out there for you to find a good woman that isn't 1.00

00:02:27.480 a whore yeah i think you know what's so funny in this like modern world um it's either we have fun 0.99

00:02:33.540 or i'm taking it's like can you not be can you not find your man and travel and learn like i think i 0.98

00:02:40.500 can enjoy my life and learn and have knowledge and still have fun and still enjoy my youth with a man

00:02:45.960 yeah of course you can i don't think there's anything wrong with it i feel like it's better

00:02:52.020 to make memories than you know have no memories and getting and i've had experience and he had

00:02:57.260 experience you have memories of your friends you have memories of your friends absolutely but i think

00:03:00.480 it's nice to have that's not valuable to a guy though like it's not valuable to a guy that you

00:03:07.680 everything is about the guy in order wait in order to have a happy marriage you have to care

00:03:14.060 what the man wants unless if you want to do this like 50 50 partnership type shit where your opinion 0.90

00:03:19.500 is like yeah you don't you don't want to do that right you want to be a housewife so if you want to 0.82

00:03:23.840 be a housewife only 20 percent of women get to be housewives so that means it's it's competitive 1.00

00:03:29.240 right that means not a lot of girls are going to get it and so like you have to know the buyer in 1.00

00:03:34.680 order to compete and you also mentioned that's a good way of putting it you also mentioned how you

00:03:40.040 can do both i have an example for you say for example i wanted to have a six-pack and you know

00:03:45.240 compete for the olympics can i do both things like be at mcdonald's every three times a week

00:03:50.200 when you have an end goal and you have an end point when you focus on other things it hinders

00:04:03.640 you getting to that point so what i'm trying to say is for the ladies who's um you know your your goal 0.94

00:04:08.440 is to just to be a career woman i feel like focusing on your career and traveling that will work for you

00:04:12.760 but if your end goal is to like be your wife like i'm saying your end goal that's what you want when you 0.99

00:04:17.720 settle down that you have to make them steps to actually work towards that yeah and i think that's

00:04:22.520 where modern women get it like you know messed up so going back to that example like if my end goal 1.00

00:04:27.400 was to have a six-pack doesn't make sense to be um balancing mcdonald's and salad um you know the

00:04:32.840 half of the week it wouldn't make sense but i disagree in that in that sense i don't see anything

00:04:38.200 wrong with finding like you you know we are interested let's get married let's let's grow up together

00:04:44.120 i you know it's fine there's nothing if you're young of course you can still focus on university

00:04:50.600 or or your career but if you're all that's a different story it's like you should have had it

00:04:54.920 it's too late now yeah but you know it's fine it's fine in the moment but when you're like 30 and you're

00:04:59.880 single like is it still going to be fine what do you mean so like you're saying like having fun and

00:05:04.600 whatever is fine you're single um but by 30 you should have your life together okay i have a question if you

00:05:10.280 want you you said you want to be married you'd be married oh absolutely how many dates do you go on

00:05:14.120 in a week um i don't you don't okay so how on earth would you get the results of married if you don't

00:05:20.520 do anything to get there it's hard is he just going to magically find you at your parents house

00:05:27.320 me and my brother yesterday so i was like look fine um i find it a bit hard because i i just find i

00:05:33.960 feel i think my husband is just not in london you know okay sorry i feel like it's a bit hard i feel

00:05:39.560 like the way i think and the standards and the way i brought up i don't think they got the same

00:05:44.520 it's going to be a bit harder for me okay so so there's instagram there's dating apps where you

00:05:49.320 can switch your location there's matchmakers yeah like how how on earth would you get the result of

00:05:54.040 married i'm happy to get married uh what is it called when um sorry arrange marriage i'm happy

00:05:59.960 i'm happy if my mom comes have you said to your parents i want an arranged marriage set this up and 0.52

00:06:05.080 what do they say mom is my mom is still looking for me mom is in her own country right now finding

00:06:10.760 me the right husband some and it's better because your parents would choose some my mom doesn't want 0.50

00:06:15.960 me to be in danger my mom doesn't want to see me do bad yeah but what if you're not your type you

00:06:21.400 look at me you think that for me for me i think marriage is about security it's about creating a

00:06:27.160 safe place for your child you have to be attractive come on i think the biggest problem i think for me

00:06:34.440 and you know that for me it's all about character i can look at someone and then and then grow to like

00:06:39.640 and then back oh do you know what yeah so i can't judge in the beginning but what if he's not your

00:06:44.840 type though like genuinely that is an arranged marriage is a surprise you've seen it you still need

00:06:49.640 to be average you know no but this is this is actually the reason like women end up single 1.00

00:06:53.880 because women in their 20s we typically select for looks we're in our 30s typically okay i'm not

00:07:00.680 talking about you um typically in our 20 how tall is your boyfriend um he's like 5 11. okay so so

00:07:09.160 5 10 5 11. okay so still top 20 percent of height yes you do um okay that's why they say you don't

00:07:15.320 listen to what women say watch what they do um okay so typically in our 20s like so it's interesting 0.63

00:07:21.000 because we're in a monogamous society technically that's what we think but we're really in a non

00:07:24.920 monogamous society because women don't get married till the age of 31. so we pick and women um who's 1.00

00:07:30.120 in control of sex women women right so we pick non-monogamy in our 20s which is when we have the 0.95

00:07:35.800 most to offer to men right and we typically select for looks which is the top 20 of men well when we get

00:07:41.800 to our 30s that's when we start looking for security so then that expands to the top like

00:07:45.800 50 60 of men um and so but basically what happens is the top 20 of men run through the girls in their

00:07:51.640 20s and then like we pick the nice guy after i think the biggest pandemic of today is delusion i'm

00:07:59.640 sorry to say that because i feel like with women today we have this idea on our head that the perfect 1.00

00:08:04.680 guy is just gonna drop on our laps and we're just gonna get married when we want and we don't 0.50

00:08:08.680 realize that there's actual actionable steps that you have like everything in life you have to work

00:08:13.800 for it you have to make changes and it kind of upsets me that sometimes people have this idea in

00:08:18.040 their head where just like well i don't have to think about this or i don't have to consider a

00:08:21.640 man's opinion and you kind of do it in order to achieve any goal in life not just relationships

00:08:26.840 so i feel like yeah that's just my point okay if if you're applying for a job you don't care what

00:08:31.640 the employer thinks yeah you don't think a wife is a job i do actually i think a housewife is a job 1.00

00:08:43.640 okay so i think it is yeah so again you don't have to care what the employer thinks when you're looking

00:08:47.240 to be hired but that's that specific but then the employer is i'm not i'm not thinking about what the

00:08:52.840 whole of sony thinks of me i'm thinking about what the managing director of that department thinks of

00:08:57.640 me okay but you still have to to figure out what they want right and care about what they want

00:09:03.880 to an extent but it's not as rigid as that like it's a relationship you know so i just feel like

00:09:08.760 so in a relationship you shouldn't care about what they want of course you should okay so you do have

00:09:14.360 to care yeah but how would you know that without meeting them you we're just assuming at this point

00:09:19.400 you talk to men and ask them what they want no but you're saying like in a sense that before

00:09:23.400 as we're navigating we want the same type of stuff are you talking about arranged marriage

00:09:27.480 no no i'm talking about like when you're single and you're young you're navigating you're traveling

00:09:30.840 you're saying i should be thinking as each each day every step i take what all the men on my

00:09:35.080 instagram are thinking of me as i'm going to france as i'm doing this as i'm doing you know what i think

00:09:39.240 it is yeah of course carry yourself in the best way i don't by the way i'm not i'm not condoning like

00:09:44.920 being a whore and i'm just saying the realistic thing of just enjoying and living your life and 0.89

00:09:50.120 learning who you are before getting with somebody because what you don't want is to just get with 0.99

00:09:55.000 somebody at 21 and then you've never lived and then you get to 40 you realize you're not compatible

00:09:59.880 you never even lived your life what results does that yield though as women as women have pushed the 1.00

00:10:04.840 age of marriage up and up and up and found themselves before the divorce rate goes up and up and up so it

00:10:11.240 doesn't like the results aren't there did we not slightly as humans like create this idea of marriage

00:10:19.720 i was going to say that really it like obviously you see in in the animal kingdom that's for

00:10:26.120 example you see a lot of obviously you know the male lion goes out and the lioness looks after the

00:10:32.200 cubs but that lion wasn't wouldn't stay with that lioness for the whole of his life where else apart

00:10:38.280 from penguins there's a couple of little animals that do it but you actually don't see monogamy really

00:10:43.400 in any other thing is this not something that we've created out of religion out of uh like is this

00:10:48.680 it's not something that you know so actually monogamy i don't know this is just mine no no 0.86

00:10:53.480 actually i talked to a biologist or he wrote this book called the history of sex the other day so i'm

00:10:58.200 trying to recite it right but he basically said that when we were um more intertwined with like

00:11:03.800 animals because like we came from like chimps or whatever it was super non-monogamous but actually

00:11:08.600 the majority of human history has been monogamous for 85 percent of the population however the top 15

00:11:15.240 percent of women um or the top 15 of men have been in non-monogamous relationships so um essentially

00:11:22.440 now the top like we're going more towards a non-monogamy because again women are choosing 1.00

00:11:26.600 non-monogamy in their 20s where we most women used to pick monogamy but now that's something that we 0.99

00:11:32.200 created like was that something that we actually assumed through thousands and thousands of years

00:11:36.760 you go right back to you know the romans when they had wives i mean is this not something that we've

00:11:41.880 created i think so i don't think it's something we created i think it's something that's just

00:11:46.600 just it's just it's just it's just it's something that's actually baffled me for a long time like

00:11:53.480 you actually look at animal kingdom where where else do you actually see this idea of marriage and and

00:11:58.520 when you actually look at a lot of it has come when you when you go and get married it's in a church

00:12:02.600 or a union in thailand it's in a temple so a lot of it comes down to something i just think it's the best

00:12:08.600 for building families and i think it's i honestly think it's a natural like at least from women to

00:12:13.720 men i don't know i'm just like i don't i don't know any animal that really it's actually it's actually

00:12:20.040 because um these kind of constructs are necessary for society to exist because without us being

00:12:28.120 monogamous and all of that if you were to look in the animal kingdom where monogamy doesn't exist

00:12:32.840 the males have to fight each other usually to the death to get sex and human beings can't function

00:12:38.440 in that way because what then happens that's interesting is that society can't stand so

00:12:43.720 that's the reason it's not that's a fair point but then again is this is not again something

00:12:47.640 it's still constructive though so that doesn't deny the temptation or the ability to then look

00:12:53.640 elsewhere but you know i mean it's still a construct we've been consciously aware that that we wouldn't

00:12:58.840 be able to function well it used to be it used to be is it not what so it used to be a compromise of

00:13:05.400 our mating strategies because like what's what's the female mating strategy to get the best guy you 1.00

00:13:10.200 possibly can right to get the best genes right or the best resources right that's women to get 1.00

00:13:15.480 attention from from men right so um it used to be that like women would bring purity and youth so they 0.97

00:13:21.320 would come to the like marriage and they would say i'm not going to sleep with anyone else and i'm

00:13:24.360 going to stay with you for your lifetime and i'm not going like i'm not going to try to go higher and

00:13:29.160 higher and higher and the men used to come in and say you know i'm not going to sleep with anyone else

00:13:33.000 because their mating strategy is to sleep with a bunch of different women so it used to be a

00:13:37.240 compromise but the problem is women don't bring purity anymore because what percent of women are 1.00

00:13:40.840 virgins so it's kind of an unequal exchange because most men out earn most women most men still have to

00:13:46.120 protect most women but women don't bring the purity or the youth and like that's why i think we see men 1.00

00:13:50.840 walking away from marriage because like honestly women like what what do modern women bring to the 1.00

00:13:54.680 table not much like what what percent of women have the skills of our grand our grandmothers and great 1.00

00:13:59.720 grandmothers where we can we have a full cookbook and we can cook where we're virgins where we um you

00:14:05.080 know we can sew guard like all of the traditional skills women don't have anymore but the problem is 1.00

00:14:09.640 women still want to be courted like traditional women even though we're not 1.00

JustPearlyThings - May 08, 2023

On How to Have a Good Marriage

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