JustPearlyThings - July 11, 2023


Pearl Gives Modern Woman A Harsh Reality Check


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

233.33809

Word count

2,180

Sentence count

200

Harmful content

Misogyny

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

6

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the fact that once you hit 30 years old, you have a less than 50% chance of having a baby. We talk about what it means to be a single parent and why it's important to have kids at a young age.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 What value does your career bring to a guy?
00:00:04.240 Well, music, I want to inspire people and motivate people and I want to make a change.
00:00:08.900 I want to.
00:00:09.460 Yeah, but men don't care. 1.00
00:00:10.900 True.
00:00:11.600 He's like, oh, I'm looking for a girl to inspire and motivate. 0.98
00:00:13.920 You know what I mean?
00:00:14.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:00:15.000 A hundred percent.
00:00:15.640 I think.
00:00:16.520 It's like you're young now, you're pretty now, but you're going to be less pretty and
00:00:20.080 less young in 10 years, in five years.
00:00:22.300 So like, why would you not look for that when you're younger?
00:00:25.300 I mean, I look, I look quite young now.
00:00:27.260 So maybe when I'm older, I'll still look young.
00:00:29.260 I know, do you know what I mean?
00:00:31.080 But I just know what I want out of life.
00:00:33.580 Yes, I do want a family.
00:00:35.840 For me, that's very important because I don't have any siblings and all my family members
00:00:39.020 are very far spread out across the world.
00:00:41.360 So for me, I need that security.
00:00:43.960 So just a stat for you guys.
00:00:45.660 Did you know if you hit 30 and you're still single, you drop to a less than 50% chance
00:00:51.720 of you being able to have a kid?
00:00:53.680 Meaning that if you're still single, you're more likely to not have a kid than have one.
00:00:57.120 And so it's like knowing that you wouldn't want, like, cause you know, you're, you're
00:01:02.380 24 now, right?
00:01:03.660 Yeah.
00:01:03.900 Let's say you date a guy tomorrow and you date him for three years and it doesn't work
00:01:06.680 out.
00:01:07.060 Yeah.
00:01:07.420 It's like then now, now, now you're a bit older and you have to keep.
00:01:11.160 Yeah.
00:01:11.440 I do think everything happens for a reason though, if I'm completely honest, like I could
00:01:15.340 turn 30 and find my dream guy the next day.
00:01:18.780 Do you know what I mean?
00:01:19.280 And then build a relationship with him.
00:01:20.560 You could, but the odds aren't in your favor.
00:01:23.060 Yeah.
00:01:23.220 And the number, and that's what, that's what I'm saying.
00:01:24.780 Like, I think a lot of times society tells us to go after a career first when it would
00:01:29.460 be a lot easier if we, if we were married, cause you could have the same experiences.
00:01:32.900 You could just have them with your husband. 0.60
00:01:35.060 Very true.
00:01:35.760 But then what if he then wanted to have kids with you straight away, then you'd have to
00:01:39.840 sacrifice that.
00:01:40.920 And do you want to be a mother?
00:01:41.940 Oh yeah.
00:01:42.300 I want like five kids.
00:01:43.780 You know, 90% of your, 90% of your eggs are gone by 30.
00:01:47.880 So wait, wait too long.
00:01:49.120 You can't have five.
00:01:51.060 You're a geriatric.
00:01:52.140 Do you know when geriatric pregnancy starts?
00:01:53.980 Any of you?
00:01:54.500 34.
00:01:54.960 What's geriatric?
00:01:55.740 I know you know the answer.
00:01:57.740 I was going for them.
00:01:59.120 What is geriatric?
00:02:00.020 So geriatric pregnancy is like high risk pregnancy.
00:02:02.800 Do you know when that starts?
00:02:03.620 I'd probably say 30, 30 plus.
00:02:06.860 Wait, no, it's 40, right?
00:02:08.240 No.
00:02:08.880 Wrong.
00:02:09.040 He just said it.
00:02:09.860 He just said it.
00:02:11.140 28.
00:02:11.660 It's 35.
00:02:13.000 Really?
00:02:13.580 Yeah.
00:02:13.720 So high risk pregnancy starts at 35.
00:02:15.740 What's a high risk pregnancy? 0.83
00:02:15.980 And IVF, it's actually most likely that it won't work out.
00:02:18.720 Complications, I think.
00:02:19.580 I'm IVF.
00:02:20.380 What?
00:02:20.840 I'm IVF.
00:02:21.800 I'm an IVF baby.
00:02:22.660 My parents started trying to have a kid at 34, I think, but I think they had complications
00:02:28.040 anyway.
00:02:28.360 Yeah, no.
00:02:28.800 And they're lucky that you, they're lucky, but that's not the norm.
00:02:31.900 Like the majority of IVF doesn't work out.
00:02:34.060 Yeah.
00:02:35.120 And there's complications as well.
00:02:36.640 So yeah.
00:02:37.220 But we can do stuff like freeze our eggs and stuff like that.
00:02:40.500 I know that, again, it's not 100%, but like you said.
00:02:44.600 No, but even like the odds aren't, if you're over, it's like, it's a less than 50% chance
00:02:49.920 that you, that that works out, that you actually even conceived the kid.
00:02:53.580 So it's like, they kind of lie to us because they tell them, they tell us we have all these
00:02:57.040 options when we don't, when half of your options are also gone by 30.
00:03:00.920 So the number of options you have at 20, by the time you get to 30, half of them are
00:03:04.160 gone.
00:03:04.620 Don't you think it's a lot of pressure on a woman? 0.99
00:03:06.440 Yeah, it is.
00:03:07.080 It's actually quite sad.
00:03:08.040 Like even this conversation has opened my eyes.
00:03:10.520 Makes you realise.
00:03:11.480 You're being told, some people are saying that women shouldn't have a career. 0.85
00:03:15.260 They should focus on their marriage and care about their husband and their children. 0.92
00:03:18.640 Other people want to not have housewives and want their woman to have a career. 1.00
00:03:22.600 But then we have the pressure of not being able to have kids at a certain age.
00:03:27.080 There's just, there's so much for women to kind of squeeze in. 1.00
00:03:29.820 Yeah, it could be overwhelming.
00:03:31.440 It's quite overwhelming.
00:03:32.540 Well, that's the thing.
00:03:33.380 You can't have everything.
00:03:34.420 But it's like, what outcomes do you want?
00:03:36.640 Priorities.
00:03:37.200 Yeah.
00:03:37.460 Like, what outcomes would make you happy?
00:03:39.640 Everyone has different priorities, don't they?
00:03:41.160 Right.
00:03:41.660 And so it's kind of a trade-off because, you know, women over the age of 45 that are still
00:03:45.960 single and childless, like, they're on drugs.
00:03:48.080 They're on drugs at a higher rate than any other group.
00:03:50.520 And they're more depressed than any other group.
00:03:52.500 And they don't tell us that we're really on a time clock.
00:03:55.640 And they don't really warn us about that.
00:03:58.160 And you just, you can't have everything.
00:04:00.500 And so it's the question of, like, what outcome do you want?
00:04:03.040 Personally, for me, I've had this conversation with myself a few years ago, actually.
00:04:07.840 I want the fame and fortune and to have a career, but I need a family for my mental health.
00:04:13.500 So if I had a pill, one of them was to have a family and one of them was to be famous,
00:04:17.600 I would have a family because that's what I need.
00:04:20.040 Right.
00:04:20.420 So why wouldn't you prioritize that now, knowing that the quality of guy you're going to get
00:04:24.960 is only going to get worse?
00:04:26.140 Like, right now, you're the most attractive you're ever going to be.
00:04:29.600 You know, it would be one thing if you were fat and then you could lose weight and get
00:04:32.200 up, but you're in shape, right?
00:04:33.640 Thank you.
00:04:34.300 Thanks.
00:04:34.820 Do you know what I mean?
00:04:35.500 Like, because they always give me this exception, like, because if you're fat, duh.
00:04:39.740 But, you know, you're in good shape.
00:04:41.380 So it's like, this is the highest quality guy you're ever going to be able to get.
00:04:44.720 Yeah.
00:04:45.060 And it's only going to get worse.
00:04:46.360 I hear that, but for me to raise a family the way I want to raise it, I want to have
00:04:50.700 money.
00:04:51.060 That's not for me to go spoil my kids because I don't, I think raising kids spoil doesn't
00:04:55.900 teach them anything, but I would want them to not struggle the way that I've struggled.
00:05:00.020 Could you marry a guy with money? 0.78
00:05:01.740 Would I marry a guy with money?
00:05:02.780 Of course.
00:05:03.320 Yeah.
00:05:03.540 Yeah.
00:05:03.700 So why don't you just do that?
00:05:04.900 Because you could, you're pretty enough.
00:05:06.900 I mean, thank you.
00:05:07.660 I could do, but I wouldn't be fulfilled.
00:05:10.680 And I think in life, it's all about fulfilling your own hopes and dreams and stuff like that.
00:05:15.420 So what is it?
00:05:15.960 Like this dream, this world doesn't sound real to me.
00:05:18.600 And this has come, I come from like, my dad's a top like 1% earner.
00:05:21.440 He's very, very successful.
00:05:22.500 And like, I grew up around successful people, but this, this doesn't sound real where, because
00:05:27.400 where the mom has this successful career and the dad also has the successful career and
00:05:33.520 they also have kids.
00:05:34.600 They also have five kids.
00:05:35.880 Like something's got to give.
00:05:37.120 You literally can't do everything or you're paying a nanny to raise your kid. 0.82
00:05:41.140 I mean, to be fair, I'm not going to lie.
00:05:42.900 If I had money and I was a business woman and I was busy, I would have help.
00:05:47.300 If I could afford it, I genuinely would have help.
00:05:49.180 And that's not me saying, oh, I can't be bothered to look after my children.
00:05:51.980 It is.
00:05:52.280 Of course, but I would be there for the important parts though.
00:05:55.380 Say if I had.
00:05:56.060 It's not the same.
00:05:57.360 It's not the same.
00:05:57.840 I do understand where you're coming from, but that would be the sacrifice that I would take.
00:06:01.260 And I would want my kids to see a working mom as well. 0.99
00:06:03.340 Right.
00:06:03.540 But that's the problem.
00:06:04.460 That's the modern mindset.
00:06:05.580 It's about my career and me before the family.
00:06:07.980 And I think that's like what, what is so broken down nowadays is that we all care about ourselves
00:06:12.660 before the family and, and to have a family that's successful, you have to be selfless.
00:06:17.080 You know, our grandmothers and our great grandmothers didn't stay with their husbands by thinking
00:06:20.540 about themselves.
00:06:21.740 Yeah.
00:06:23.360 Yeah.
00:06:23.720 Because mothers put their child before themselves. 1.00
00:06:27.080 When they have children, when they don't have children, obviously they put themselves first.
00:06:29.500 But you should be thinking about that ahead of time.
00:06:31.100 But I am doing by creating a career for myself to provide for the family that I would want
00:06:35.360 to be.
00:06:35.520 So you mentioned you want to be a mother.
00:06:37.360 Like, what are you doing to prepare to be a mother?
00:06:40.160 I eat healthy most of the time.
00:06:44.280 That was a really good question.
00:06:45.300 Actually, that's put me on the spot.
00:06:46.560 Well, what are you doing?
00:06:48.260 So if a guy said, okay, you can work for three years, he meets you today and he says,
00:06:52.480 okay, that's fine, you're working, you can work for three years and then we're going
00:06:54.800 to have children.
00:06:55.840 What skills do you bring to the table?
00:06:57.620 What would you say?
00:06:58.740 I'm a very fair and understanding person.
00:07:01.340 I'm able to, oh gosh, that's a really hard question.
00:07:05.360 She's got the most biggest heart.
00:07:06.720 Oh, thank you.
00:07:08.300 Like I said, I'm a really caring person.
00:07:11.900 I know what my parents did that I would want to do different.
00:07:15.080 And yeah, that's such a hard question.
00:07:18.720 It's put me on the spot.
00:07:19.440 There's a lot of things, but I just can't really think of them.
00:07:22.580 You're very ambitious as well, Ashton.
00:07:24.740 Right, right.
00:07:25.140 But that doesn't matter to a guy that's ambitious.
00:07:27.480 Like, and you know, I'm ambitious, but men don't give a shit.
00:07:31.100 They literally don't care.
00:07:32.340 If I cared and I loved you, I would do anything for you.
00:07:35.860 Like I would be your support, your everything.
00:07:38.940 Right, but what?
00:07:40.020 Because, you know, it's like if you're applying to a job, you say I can do this, this, this
00:07:42.660 and this.
00:07:43.860 So I understand what, like when you guys were saying earlier, what you, because it's
00:07:48.900 all about status for a man and their woman.
00:07:51.380 Like, for example, if there was a group of guys and all their girlfriends were going out
00:07:55.260 on a night out and one of the guys turned around and said, well, my woman's staying
00:07:59.040 at home.
00:07:59.700 In his head, that's a status thing.
00:08:01.160 That is, yeah.
00:08:01.700 For example, if your man was to bring his friends round and you were to offer, oh, what
00:08:07.460 would you guys like to eat?
00:08:08.640 Again, that's a status thing because your woman is taking care of you and your friends. 1.00
00:08:11.920 So I want to provide, which is where the money comes from, because I also think guys deserve
00:08:17.540 to be treated like a king.
00:08:19.260 It's not just the girls should be wined and dined all the time. 1.00
00:08:21.940 So that's why I want to make money, not just to be able to take my husband out using his
00:08:25.820 credit card.
00:08:26.400 I want to use mine.
00:08:27.140 So your money is his money in the relationship?
00:08:29.660 Yeah.
00:08:30.100 Okay.
00:08:30.580 Yeah, 100%.
00:08:31.320 Do you guys care about a girl's money? 0.70
00:08:33.180 I wouldn't care on it, but if she had money, then it's all mine.
00:08:38.160 And my money's mine.
00:08:39.400 Easy as.
00:08:40.800 Do you understand?
00:08:41.740 Yeah.
00:08:42.340 So if she needed something and she has my kids, do you know what I'm saying?
00:08:45.640 Then I'll obviously offer it to her.
00:08:47.860 But my money's my money.
00:08:49.480 I'll obviously give it to you if you need it.
00:08:50.860 And your money's my money.
00:08:52.060 Easy as.
00:08:53.200 That's how it works.
00:08:54.240 Do you understand?
00:08:54.800 Yeah.
00:08:55.060 In a marriage, yeah.
00:08:55.800 Because you've come together, don't you?
00:08:56.940 Because the girl's money's my money, and my money's my money. 0.96
00:09:00.320 Do you understand?
00:09:01.100 But when she needs something, I'll obviously provide it for her.
00:09:03.060 Do you understand?
00:09:03.660 Yeah.
00:09:04.260 Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.
00:09:05.720 I would still see it as my money, but I'm not going to not allow you to have it because
00:09:10.660 we're married.
00:09:11.280 We're a partnership.
00:09:12.280 Do you know what I mean?
00:09:12.880 Exactly.
00:09:13.300 Let's say your man needs it.
00:09:15.780 Money takes it from you.
00:09:16.460 It's not even a question you could have it.
00:09:17.740 That's good, Ashton.
00:09:18.520 That's very good.
00:09:19.180 I respect that about you.
00:09:20.120 Thank you very much.