JustPearlyThings - July 20, 2023


Pearl INTERVIEWS An Engaged Woman And She Said This


Episode Stats

Length

17 minutes

Words per Minute

185.81267

Word Count

3,166

Sentence Count

2


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 uh what made i have a question for you you're engaged right what made your fiance different
00:00:04.960 than guys you dated in the past um he doesn't he doesn't go out we're two completely different
00:00:13.840 people so he doesn't go out but i go out a lot as in raven clubbing yeah wow and then dynamics are
00:00:22.480 crazy i like i'm so i'm a sociable person i've always been at that i like to socialize um as
00:00:28.560 i said i'm a girl's girl so yeah i i'm out a lot yes he doesn't like that so i try to minimize it
00:00:37.440 but um i just don't think i could be with someone that is also outside as well like you have a lot
00:00:43.920 of doubles yeah that's crazy that's crazy it wouldn't work i know that it wouldn't work it
00:00:49.360 would be a very why wouldn't you want him to go out um i just i just feel like any guys that i kind of
00:00:57.360 meet outside or in a party environment like just looking at them and how they carry themselves and
00:01:05.200 how they're moving how they're approaching to females what they're doing just doesn't appeal to me okay
00:01:11.360 can i ask a question so how do you move when you're out in me no no oh yeah was that like so so what if
00:01:19.680 you used to meet somebody that's reserved yeah move the same way that you do out in a club
00:01:23.600 would it not be the exact same yeah okay so um if i met somebody that's out at the back you know
00:01:31.440 keep themselves to themselves then yeah i could i would think about it like i would i would it would
00:01:38.160 be an option to speak like i would oh yeah i would talk to you or i would get to try and get to know you
00:01:43.280 but my preference is okay i like a guy that's so what would you do if your current boyfriend says
00:01:51.040 he wants you to stop going out and i'm asking that because if he's watching i'm giving him ideas
00:02:01.120 like we have a lot that's most we don't argue a lot but most of the arguments are about you know
00:02:13.840 you're going out too much but when you met me i was going out too much yes i understand that in
00:02:20.880 relationships you should change certain things you know like if your partner doesn't agree on certain
00:02:27.040 things you should work and work around it and compromise which i have and i've actually
00:02:33.120 don't go out as much as i used to i would say i go out probably
00:02:39.600 a lot
00:02:42.400 yeah how would you how would you feel if your boyfriend went out to a party where every single
00:02:49.120 girl he met wanted to sleep with him 10. yeah that would that that's crazy that would hurt me but
00:03:00.400 i remember earlier when we said men will ever anything
00:03:09.520 yeah i can't say anything about that but yeah he um yeah he he doesn't go out um he doesn't his phone
00:03:17.120 barely rings like he goes to work he's an electrician so he goes to work he comes home we have a daughter
00:03:22.800 together as well and he's a good man he sounds very safe yeah he's like i have i've never had any
00:03:29.360 problems like his phone doesn't even have a password like it's not what do you think the role of a wife is
00:03:36.240 um a role of a wife
00:03:37.600 um i would say to look after the household um obviously to raise the children in the right way
00:03:48.320 and to cater to your man like to cater to him make sure his um work clothes are washed make sure his
00:03:57.040 he's got a hot meal on his um on the table when he comes home from work but i wouldn't say that sorry
00:04:03.040 that is what i think but i i yeah i don't do that every day
00:04:11.680 i don't do that every day i do do that but not every day
00:04:17.040 what so women are meant to cook for their husband every day is that sorry what's your question
00:04:22.480 wait wait i have a question wouldn't catering to your man be like listening to what he says
00:04:28.480 do you believe that wives should listen to their husbands yeah yeah okay so if we told you
00:04:36.080 you just now
00:04:39.840 it's very very uh also called um a bit not obedience so you know there's a that star wars saying like
00:04:46.160 he could pity is what is it ironic he could sell them save himself from dying no he could save others
00:04:51.520 from dying but not himself dart city as there's like ironic he could fix short circuits
00:04:56.640 but not his own that's great i have a question though if if your if your man was like doing his
00:05:06.800 duties towards you like providing for you and like being there for you emotionally only like
00:05:13.440 couple of days in a week like he just it was lackadestical about it sometimes he'll be there
00:05:19.440 for you sometimes he just messes around would you stay no you won't right okay that's interesting
00:05:26.640 but i don't i don't mess around no i know i'm giving the equivalent because what men and women
00:05:32.000 bring to each other are different we don't bring the same things okay so on his end if he wasn't
00:05:36.560 holding up to his duties yeah most more than likely you replace him yeah and i would say that would be
00:05:41.600 fair yeah so that being said do you think it would be do you think it's possible that he he could
00:05:48.560 probably find someone that would bring more to the table for him and that could turn his head
00:05:54.480 yeah 100 and you're willing to take that risk by continuing to go out the only issue is is me
00:06:02.880 going out it shouldn't be an issue that shouldn't be an issue is the kid is the kid is the kid biologically
00:06:09.440 his what no you said you guys have a kid together yeah is it his kid oh yeah so i thought you meant
00:06:14.800 that i'm i'm asking i don't know like i don't know what the nature of the relationship right yeah
00:06:19.120 yeah so when i got pregnant is when i got engaged oh okay yeah and she's two now do you do you have
00:06:29.600 any plans to to stop going out anytime soon do you know what it's just my it's just me like this is what
00:06:36.080 i i like i like i like god when i say like okay i like going to day parties i like going out with my
00:06:44.160 girls like i like going having a games like with my girls or a movie night like i i like that what
00:06:50.400 if he gave you an ultimatum and said it's either the girls or him who would you pick no i would
00:06:56.320 definitely pick him okay so you would give it up if he made it an ultimatum yeah so if he put his foot
00:07:01.600 down then you would actually but i don't think i would be happy as a person do you think happiness is a
00:07:07.280 choice um yeah okay so so then you could be happy hang on and you still ask other guys for advice when
00:07:24.000 there's something up in your relationship um not always so no no not always but i'm then saying all
00:07:29.280 the do you still sometimes like hey give me some advice on my fiance but in my garden yeah that's
00:07:36.240 sometimes so in the dating period yeah with him in the dating period i was asking for advice but now
00:07:43.760 we've been together for nearly five years now but these and these guys are still in your phone and
00:07:49.360 they're still like talking to you from time to time etc yeah i see them when i go out i'm curious what's
00:07:54.400 the hold up on the marriage like what's the all you got to do is go down to the courthouse so so when i
00:08:00.480 got engaged was 2021 but i said i wanted to wait till my daughter turns five so she can remember
00:08:06.880 or have a bit of a memory of the wedding why that's just my preference oh okay it just it seems like
00:08:14.960 a silly reason to be older enough to just say it just say it you're not that into him listen when a
00:08:19.520 woman really loves a man she can't wait to escalate the commitment she wants to shout it from the
00:08:23.280 rooftop she wants everyone to know she's running to the altar like this is not this is not how women in love
00:08:29.040 act it's period it's not that i'm not no because if i wasn't that into him i wouldn't be having a
00:08:34.880 baby for him and i wouldn't accept a marriage proposal you wouldn't be going out and like
00:08:40.160 partying with the girls and having arguments about it that's just me as a person yeah i'm not
00:08:45.440 it's how it comes across though i'm not saying that's what it is i'm just telling you how it comes
00:08:49.840 across but if if he didn't like that that's what he saw when he first met me so yes we
00:08:58.640 quarrel about it because it's the amount of going out or whatever but it's not the going out it's just
00:09:05.040 the amount who's watching the kid when you go out oh so i have a big support system like my mom my
00:09:11.920 grandmother and his grandma his mom him don't you think that's kind of like putting your responsibility
00:09:19.200 onto them no so i also sell hair as well so usually in the evenings like his mom would watch
00:09:26.560 my daughter or my mom would watch i could go and do my deliveries or do what i'm doing um but i have
00:09:31.920 like throughout the week like i have like set schedules and when she goes so i would just work in between
00:09:38.640 that if i want to go out i'll work in between that schedule shaking his head that's a crazy to me
00:09:44.160 guys i'm sorry would you guys like i want to actually if i can ask the dudes here would you
00:09:47.680 guys accept that in your marriage hell no no no no way i don't even go together if we go out together
00:09:54.960 then it's different but if it's one person going out and i'm staying in no market this is insane like
00:10:01.040 i actually to me i'm like i'm like flabbergasted like this is insane to me and maybe i'm the crazy one
00:10:05.680 right because the reality is not making sense i i see because most of my friends in relationships
00:10:12.720 and they're doing the same did you see your grandmothers do this no did you see your mom do
00:10:17.760 this yeah the moms are kind of where it switches grandmother no right no it's kind of the degradation
00:10:25.440 of wives the last hundred years to be honest like there's a like our mom's generation they're kind
00:10:31.440 of the shitty wives a lot and it shows up in the data most of them are divorced you can't really
00:10:35.920 learn much from our mom's generation like the 40 to like 55 year olds they're just kind of bad wives to
00:10:41.760 be honest the the grandma yeah i mean how many like so do you believe that you can't be a good wife
00:10:47.840 and go out yeah no i don't think it goes hand in hand i think yeah i think you know occasionally
00:10:54.720 sure but not to a club like i i don't who wants to grow up with a mom that's in the club every other
00:11:00.240 weekend the reality is i i like noticing trends in society here the reality is there's a trend going on
00:11:06.880 and i think let me use the word women like to use a lot spectrum there's something there's something
00:11:11.360 of a spectrum going on at the lower end of the spectrum you have women that want to be the men and
00:11:16.560 do whatever they want go out while the men become the nurturing partners on the other end of the
00:11:22.960 spectrum you have the adam 22 situation so it starts from that first part and usually it keeps
00:11:29.440 going and going on and the woman finds different ways to violate the man till it gets to the point
00:11:34.000 where she can then even ask for an open relationship or she can ask to sleep with another man on camera
00:11:40.000 that's how it starts it's like it's just a spectrum
00:11:45.760 like the thing about the thing about again like i'm speaking from a position of being 40 and being
00:11:49.440 married and have lots of friends i don't know i don't have any friends that are divorced all my
00:11:52.240 friends are are very successful and definitely married with kids it's like um commitment doesn't
00:11:58.560 doesn't like if you look at the color of commitment it's not gray it's just not like commitment is very
00:12:04.320 black and white and if it doesn't look like commitment it's just not and it's and the and
00:12:08.400 you know and you see these patterns like king you were saying in society you see it on the micro
00:12:11.680 level as well right like the guys that had those situations and whenever age like well i don't i'm not
00:12:18.720 really in their spheres anymore like because they just kind of their lives just get wrecked and they
00:12:23.120 kind of go into like repeat mode because a woman has generally just ruined their life
00:12:28.640 uh yeah this smells a lot like that sorry it just does
00:12:34.800 well it's kind of like it kind of just disrupts the natural like order of things because you're
00:12:39.760 supposed to obey your husband and so it's like if you're going out and he doesn't want you to it's
00:12:46.240 just kind of out of order so if you're going out but you're also doing everything else that he wants
00:12:52.080 you to do do you still think that that's a problem yeah i would say it's a problem yeah and i'm not
00:12:58.400 saying every person's gonna do it perfectly but i i think that it's not good if we're having wives and
00:13:05.520 mothers go out instead of staying at home with the kids you disagree no i agree yeah i do sorry no no
00:13:12.960 yeah i do um yeah i do i don't know like my mom's so my mom my mom's 40 growing up she used to go out
00:13:25.360 a lot um i yeah i don't know i don't know if she's still married yeah she's married and your dad had no
00:13:33.360 problem with her like going out uh she's not married to my dad but she's married to my little
00:13:38.320 brother's dad okay yeah uh no um because i went to school in jamaica um so growing up in jamaica
00:13:47.840 the school bus to school we would like it was crazy like we would be listening to music on the way to
00:13:55.760 school dancing on the school bus on the way to school on the weekends as a young child they had
00:14:00.160 street parties as well so we'll be out like i don't know i feel like that's my culture that's
00:14:04.880 what i'm going into like from young i was going to carnival with my family with my parents how old
00:14:10.720 are you again i'm 25 your mom had you at 15 yeah so you have to say this i think it's a discrepancy
00:14:17.360 of values right because even what you just explained shows that for you it feels like something that's
00:14:21.520 normal right but it's a values thing like for me going to the club is extreme activity like that's
00:14:27.680 super on the end of the spectrum that king was saying extreme but if it feels normal for you
00:14:32.560 that's why you kind of have a hard time seeing it as something that's bad or odd because it's just
00:14:37.040 a normal thing it feels casual and as i said again like everybody around me not saying that i follow
00:14:44.080 fashion or follow everyone around me but my whole um society and the community that i grew up in and
00:14:50.240 my friends but you said you said your grandma didn't do it though right no not my grandma but that's
00:14:54.720 what i mean it's it's a i i don't think it's like your culture i think it's the culture
00:15:00.240 like a degradation like because if it was the culture then your grandma would have been doing
00:15:04.320 the same thing it's fairly new western western right west yeah were there even clubs in that
00:15:09.760 time not really right no that's that's the point it's like like literally when i had the realization
00:15:14.720 i'm like 40 to 55 year old women do not submit to like in general and there's exceptions but they
00:15:19.760 don't really submit to their husband most of them are divorced most of the guys that are still
00:15:23.680 married aren't really happy in that marriage like there's just a lot of shitty wives in that
00:15:28.480 generation and they don't they didn't teach us right because like i mean honestly the fact that
00:15:32.720 you're surprised by this is like kind of shows the culture but it's okay i'm caribbean
00:15:39.520 jamaica caribbean it's a it's a like it's a when you go out like a street party or as you said it's a
00:15:45.680 street point or like you go outside you could be outside your house and there's a party have now sound
00:15:50.000 system this is a music brother system mom uncle only so it's like it's kind of different but
00:15:56.240 of course if generational as well it's a new thing though right would you say your grandma did that
00:16:02.080 too no yeah that's i'm saying it's like a new it's a new cultural trend and it's across the board like
00:16:08.480 i don't think it's just in jamaica like i think there's women in england that do the same thing but
00:16:12.880 then again what you're describing sounds more like a you know community neighborhood like you know you're just in
00:16:18.400 the neighborhood in a you know suburban area hanging out that's probably different than like a night
00:16:23.280 club in england you know what i mean yeah that sounds like a little more family oriented yeah
00:16:28.720 so that's like that's how i grew up so so like the street parties in my neighborhood in jamaica
00:16:35.520 yeah my family would be there not my grandma but my auntie is your family going to the club with you
00:16:39.680 uh no but i was i can see my aunties in the club yeah you know in england you know what's interesting
00:16:47.360 it's your aunties not your uncles no right yeah because the women are out of order
00:16:52.720 i've just done these so many times it's always the women yeah