Pearl INTERVIEWS An Engaged Woman And She Said This
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss the topic of going out and socialising with your partner and how to deal with a partner who doesn't want you to go out as much as you do. We also discuss the role of a wife and what it means to be a good wife.
Transcript
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uh what made i have a question for you you're engaged right what made your fiance different
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than guys you dated in the past um he doesn't he doesn't go out we're two completely different
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people so he doesn't go out but i go out a lot as in raven clubbing yeah wow and then dynamics are
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crazy i like i'm so i'm a sociable person i've always been at that i like to socialize um as
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i said i'm a girl's girl so yeah i i'm out a lot yes he doesn't like that so i try to minimize it
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but um i just don't think i could be with someone that is also outside as well like you have a lot
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of doubles yeah that's crazy that's crazy it wouldn't work i know that it wouldn't work it
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would be a very why wouldn't you want him to go out um i just i just feel like any guys that i kind of
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meet outside or in a party environment like just looking at them and how they carry themselves and
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how they're moving how they're approaching to females what they're doing just doesn't appeal to me okay
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can i ask a question so how do you move when you're out in me no no oh yeah was that like so so what if
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you used to meet somebody that's reserved yeah move the same way that you do out in a club
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would it not be the exact same yeah okay so um if i met somebody that's out at the back you know
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keep themselves to themselves then yeah i could i would think about it like i would i would it would
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be an option to speak like i would oh yeah i would talk to you or i would get to try and get to know you
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but my preference is okay i like a guy that's so what would you do if your current boyfriend says
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he wants you to stop going out and i'm asking that because if he's watching i'm giving him ideas
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like we have a lot that's most we don't argue a lot but most of the arguments are about you know
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you're going out too much but when you met me i was going out too much yes i understand that in
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relationships you should change certain things you know like if your partner doesn't agree on certain
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things you should work and work around it and compromise which i have and i've actually
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don't go out as much as i used to i would say i go out probably
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yeah how would you how would you feel if your boyfriend went out to a party where every single
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girl he met wanted to sleep with him 10. yeah that would that that's crazy that would hurt me but
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i remember earlier when we said men will ever anything
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yeah i can't say anything about that but yeah he um yeah he he doesn't go out um he doesn't his phone
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barely rings like he goes to work he's an electrician so he goes to work he comes home we have a daughter
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together as well and he's a good man he sounds very safe yeah he's like i have i've never had any
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problems like his phone doesn't even have a password like it's not what do you think the role of a wife is
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um i would say to look after the household um obviously to raise the children in the right way
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and to cater to your man like to cater to him make sure his um work clothes are washed make sure his
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he's got a hot meal on his um on the table when he comes home from work but i wouldn't say that sorry
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that is what i think but i i yeah i don't do that every day
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i don't do that every day i do do that but not every day
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what so women are meant to cook for their husband every day is that sorry what's your question
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wait wait i have a question wouldn't catering to your man be like listening to what he says
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do you believe that wives should listen to their husbands yeah yeah okay so if we told you
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it's very very uh also called um a bit not obedience so you know there's a that star wars saying like
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he could pity is what is it ironic he could sell them save himself from dying no he could save others
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from dying but not himself dart city as there's like ironic he could fix short circuits
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but not his own that's great i have a question though if if your if your man was like doing his
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duties towards you like providing for you and like being there for you emotionally only like
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couple of days in a week like he just it was lackadestical about it sometimes he'll be there
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for you sometimes he just messes around would you stay no you won't right okay that's interesting
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but i don't i don't mess around no i know i'm giving the equivalent because what men and women
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bring to each other are different we don't bring the same things okay so on his end if he wasn't
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holding up to his duties yeah most more than likely you replace him yeah and i would say that would be
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fair yeah so that being said do you think it would be do you think it's possible that he he could
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probably find someone that would bring more to the table for him and that could turn his head
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yeah 100 and you're willing to take that risk by continuing to go out the only issue is is me
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going out it shouldn't be an issue that shouldn't be an issue is the kid is the kid is the kid biologically
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his what no you said you guys have a kid together yeah is it his kid oh yeah so i thought you meant
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that i'm i'm asking i don't know like i don't know what the nature of the relationship right yeah
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yeah so when i got pregnant is when i got engaged oh okay yeah and she's two now do you do you have
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any plans to to stop going out anytime soon do you know what it's just my it's just me like this is what
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i i like i like i like god when i say like okay i like going to day parties i like going out with my
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girls like i like going having a games like with my girls or a movie night like i i like that what
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if he gave you an ultimatum and said it's either the girls or him who would you pick no i would
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definitely pick him okay so you would give it up if he made it an ultimatum yeah so if he put his foot
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down then you would actually but i don't think i would be happy as a person do you think happiness is a
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choice um yeah okay so so then you could be happy hang on and you still ask other guys for advice when
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there's something up in your relationship um not always so no no not always but i'm then saying all
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the do you still sometimes like hey give me some advice on my fiance but in my garden yeah that's
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sometimes so in the dating period yeah with him in the dating period i was asking for advice but now
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we've been together for nearly five years now but these and these guys are still in your phone and
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they're still like talking to you from time to time etc yeah i see them when i go out i'm curious what's
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the hold up on the marriage like what's the all you got to do is go down to the courthouse so so when i
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got engaged was 2021 but i said i wanted to wait till my daughter turns five so she can remember
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or have a bit of a memory of the wedding why that's just my preference oh okay it just it seems like
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a silly reason to be older enough to just say it just say it you're not that into him listen when a
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woman really loves a man she can't wait to escalate the commitment she wants to shout it from the
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rooftop she wants everyone to know she's running to the altar like this is not this is not how women in love
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act it's period it's not that i'm not no because if i wasn't that into him i wouldn't be having a
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baby for him and i wouldn't accept a marriage proposal you wouldn't be going out and like
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partying with the girls and having arguments about it that's just me as a person yeah i'm not
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it's how it comes across though i'm not saying that's what it is i'm just telling you how it comes
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across but if if he didn't like that that's what he saw when he first met me so yes we
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quarrel about it because it's the amount of going out or whatever but it's not the going out it's just
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the amount who's watching the kid when you go out oh so i have a big support system like my mom my
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grandmother and his grandma his mom him don't you think that's kind of like putting your responsibility
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onto them no so i also sell hair as well so usually in the evenings like his mom would watch
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my daughter or my mom would watch i could go and do my deliveries or do what i'm doing um but i have
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like throughout the week like i have like set schedules and when she goes so i would just work in between
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that if i want to go out i'll work in between that schedule shaking his head that's a crazy to me
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guys i'm sorry would you guys like i want to actually if i can ask the dudes here would you
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guys accept that in your marriage hell no no no no way i don't even go together if we go out together
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then it's different but if it's one person going out and i'm staying in no market this is insane like
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i actually to me i'm like i'm like flabbergasted like this is insane to me and maybe i'm the crazy one
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right because the reality is not making sense i i see because most of my friends in relationships
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and they're doing the same did you see your grandmothers do this no did you see your mom do
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this yeah the moms are kind of where it switches grandmother no right no it's kind of the degradation
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of wives the last hundred years to be honest like there's a like our mom's generation they're kind
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of the shitty wives a lot and it shows up in the data most of them are divorced you can't really
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learn much from our mom's generation like the 40 to like 55 year olds they're just kind of bad wives to
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be honest the the grandma yeah i mean how many like so do you believe that you can't be a good wife
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and go out yeah no i don't think it goes hand in hand i think yeah i think you know occasionally
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sure but not to a club like i i don't who wants to grow up with a mom that's in the club every other
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weekend the reality is i i like noticing trends in society here the reality is there's a trend going on
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and i think let me use the word women like to use a lot spectrum there's something there's something
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of a spectrum going on at the lower end of the spectrum you have women that want to be the men and
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do whatever they want go out while the men become the nurturing partners on the other end of the
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spectrum you have the adam 22 situation so it starts from that first part and usually it keeps
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going and going on and the woman finds different ways to violate the man till it gets to the point
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where she can then even ask for an open relationship or she can ask to sleep with another man on camera
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that's how it starts it's like it's just a spectrum
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like the thing about the thing about again like i'm speaking from a position of being 40 and being
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married and have lots of friends i don't know i don't have any friends that are divorced all my
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friends are are very successful and definitely married with kids it's like um commitment doesn't
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doesn't like if you look at the color of commitment it's not gray it's just not like commitment is very
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black and white and if it doesn't look like commitment it's just not and it's and the and
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you know and you see these patterns like king you were saying in society you see it on the micro
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level as well right like the guys that had those situations and whenever age like well i don't i'm not
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really in their spheres anymore like because they just kind of their lives just get wrecked and they
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kind of go into like repeat mode because a woman has generally just ruined their life
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uh yeah this smells a lot like that sorry it just does
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well it's kind of like it kind of just disrupts the natural like order of things because you're
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supposed to obey your husband and so it's like if you're going out and he doesn't want you to it's
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just kind of out of order so if you're going out but you're also doing everything else that he wants
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you to do do you still think that that's a problem yeah i would say it's a problem yeah and i'm not
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saying every person's gonna do it perfectly but i i think that it's not good if we're having wives and
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mothers go out instead of staying at home with the kids you disagree no i agree yeah i do sorry no no
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yeah i do um yeah i do i don't know like my mom's so my mom my mom's 40 growing up she used to go out
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a lot um i yeah i don't know i don't know if she's still married yeah she's married and your dad had no
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problem with her like going out uh she's not married to my dad but she's married to my little
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brother's dad okay yeah uh no um because i went to school in jamaica um so growing up in jamaica
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the school bus to school we would like it was crazy like we would be listening to music on the way to
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school dancing on the school bus on the way to school on the weekends as a young child they had
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street parties as well so we'll be out like i don't know i feel like that's my culture that's
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what i'm going into like from young i was going to carnival with my family with my parents how old
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are you again i'm 25 your mom had you at 15 yeah so you have to say this i think it's a discrepancy
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of values right because even what you just explained shows that for you it feels like something that's
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normal right but it's a values thing like for me going to the club is extreme activity like that's
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super on the end of the spectrum that king was saying extreme but if it feels normal for you
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that's why you kind of have a hard time seeing it as something that's bad or odd because it's just
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a normal thing it feels casual and as i said again like everybody around me not saying that i follow
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fashion or follow everyone around me but my whole um society and the community that i grew up in and
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my friends but you said you said your grandma didn't do it though right no not my grandma but that's
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what i mean it's it's a i i don't think it's like your culture i think it's the culture
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like a degradation like because if it was the culture then your grandma would have been doing
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the same thing it's fairly new western western right west yeah were there even clubs in that
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time not really right no that's that's the point it's like like literally when i had the realization
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i'm like 40 to 55 year old women do not submit to like in general and there's exceptions but they
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don't really submit to their husband most of them are divorced most of the guys that are still
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married aren't really happy in that marriage like there's just a lot of shitty wives in that
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generation and they don't they didn't teach us right because like i mean honestly the fact that
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you're surprised by this is like kind of shows the culture but it's okay i'm caribbean
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jamaica caribbean it's a it's a like it's a when you go out like a street party or as you said it's a
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street point or like you go outside you could be outside your house and there's a party have now sound
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system this is a music brother system mom uncle only so it's like it's kind of different but
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of course if generational as well it's a new thing though right would you say your grandma did that
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too no yeah that's i'm saying it's like a new it's a new cultural trend and it's across the board like
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i don't think it's just in jamaica like i think there's women in england that do the same thing but
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then again what you're describing sounds more like a you know community neighborhood like you know you're just in
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the neighborhood in a you know suburban area hanging out that's probably different than like a night
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club in england you know what i mean yeah that sounds like a little more family oriented yeah
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so that's like that's how i grew up so so like the street parties in my neighborhood in jamaica
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yeah my family would be there not my grandma but my auntie is your family going to the club with you
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uh no but i was i can see my aunties in the club yeah you know in england you know what's interesting
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it's your aunties not your uncles no right yeah because the women are out of order
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i've just done these so many times it's always the women yeah