She BROKE UP With Him To Find Another Man
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Summary
In this episode, we are joined by our special guest, a young lady who has been through a lot of break ups in her life and has had to deal with some of the most painful break ups of her life. We talk about how she dealt with the break ups and how she has dealt with them and what she has learnt from them.
Transcript
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dance a young lady about dumping men how many relationships have um you ended and why
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just not what i want i guess like it's just not working or they're just i like when someone
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knows the difference obviously i like someone that isn't too serious all the time but i feel
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like knowing when to be serious is so important so that's like one of the big things for me
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yeah just don't get along or the one i actually ended up falling in love with someone else
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so cut that off how did that start was it someone you knew like a guy friend
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oh no actually it was a girlfriend yeah we just became friends friendship like we got closer as
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and then you're saying that i can see everybody like i'm thinking what the hell
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you know so i had to say it i was shocked everyone always is i don't know why like what is it
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no because it's the way you know we're all talking i think you just naturally explain yeah
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and then when you said it is that i noticed that the you could hear a pin drop and i thought
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did he know you were bi i didn't know i was like she didn't know yeah i was just thinking like he
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really didn't see he's like i lost my girl to another girl i'd be pissed i'd be fuming i didn't
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see that coming have you guys ever dated a guy and he turned just out he swung for the other team
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no yeah no who said yes yes how did you find out a couple people and um let's just say the streets
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the streets talk the streets talk you know everything everything so you heard through the grapevine he was
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like hooking up with dudes that and i've seen obviously things myself obviously at first i was
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a bit suspicious and then you know did they have particular sexual positions i just want to put it
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out there nicely i have to ask people out there the people are going to know i just want to ask because
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you hang on a minute you you know they're more freaky they're much more freaky much more dirty
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but i like that okay um weirdly would you go with somebody that a bisexual person again yeah i would
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okay then i would does it have to be male or female both i sleep with girls as well okay i'm not setting
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up no dates um out of the breakups are there any breakups that you considered a win and why
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all of them all of them yeah you always did better after
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were there any that you considered a loss one one yeah my baby dad probably um not him
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no did he did he go on to date someone else no he's not i think it's just in terms of like
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him as a man probably like one of the best i'm going to get so now that that's not there i think
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that's where i've kind of got a loss do you think um him being your baby dad influences that a lot more
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influences what just the fact that you feel like he was like the best you can get um
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so if you didn't have the kid would you still feel the exact same way as you're feeling right now
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yeah because i just feel like in terms of the qualities that he has as a man
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i think it can work i think that you see the difference is right when you when you have somebody
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like that and you got that same kind of feeling what you need to go is go back and sit down and
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talk about what went wrong what you could have said and nine times out of ten you find that as
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a woman you need to apologize because you didn't let him be a man and i can tell by your face that
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he was right and you was wrong that's why you're asking because you realize that you left up
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you can see by your face am i am i right or am i right i say like 80 yeah okay then i can take that
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so if you wanted to get back with you tomorrow would you do it i'm rooting for it i mean
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it's not that i don't like him but i just feel like there's certain things that
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because he's only i'm 25 he's going to be 27 27 or 28 so he's not that much older than me but i feel
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like in in a lot of in like 70 of ways he's so mature and then there's that 30 where he's just
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so immature allowing that that's the fun bit are you are you immature at times you don't think you're
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ever immature he's not god you know what she needs to do she needs to think to herself whatever he was
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serious 100 of the time that's what you need to think if he was only 100 percent of the time you
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wouldn't feel the same way now and you might not like it you might not think so now but those fun
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bits what made him the whole person i know i do like it i just feel like there's a time and like i
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said earlier there's a time and place when you need to be serious maybe you just need to chill and go
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with it and have fun maybe it's too serious you know maybe since you had the child you just got
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serious all of a sudden you just don't understand what's wrong with you you've got a child you just
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got old do you want do you want more kids yeah definitely with him i wouldn't be mad if he was
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the dad but obviously i want to find like my right man and then that is your right man it's all over your
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face i don't i don't understand like when we say the right you pick the right guy there's no like one
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person out there for you she just don't want to put in the hard work to make him perfect
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but is it my responsibility to make you perfect though is it his responsibility to make you perfect
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do you have a cookbook i mean with your own recipes that you've made yourself what do you mean
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you know what i mean i just said it it's okay that no is okay it's you don't have to but i'm saying
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like if you know if you're going to criticize and say it's my job to make him perfect it's like am i
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perfect yeah so i feel like it depends on who it is i feel like there comes with there has there's
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something in a relationship when two people are immature and you're aware of it there comes an
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established like thing where like cool we're going to be immature but we know when to like you said when
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to act right and and it's also like determines like what what is the right time to act to act right
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who determines that both both parties got to you have to be in a consensus for anything
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right but what if you disagree i thought you couldn't you can agree to disagree too
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right but the whole point is you may look at a situation and see it as he needs to be serious
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now but he might think that he doesn't have to then you talk it out and you'll be like listen i don't
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appreciate it but what was what what was i was just trying to say and i was trying to say that
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some people will be immature to you but if you're mature to them they can't take it
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so it's kind of like now you're stuck in a position where you can't be immature
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and now every time they're immature it's kind of like that this is not the right time
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see that's why you don't play games in relationships that's what i was trying to get
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having fun and playing games is different he was having fun what you're describing as playing games
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there's a big difference because he was just being himself and she knows he was just being
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himself so i mean the foolish sometimes let him have fun i'm sure that women are stupid sometimes too
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and they lie at you yeah i mean i haven't been stupid at times but do you guys want to come back for
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therapy with auntie on one i actually do we're creating a new therapy studio but they need they
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need to be able to handle the truth tissues will be supplied
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what if they don't like your advice it's tough isn't it it's tough you know what i'm always right
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so i'm proven wrong so you want to prove me wrong fair enough but i know that i can get you and your
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man working yeah i need you right now and get the next baby i'm so worried yeah yeah we could do a
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couple episodes yeah i mean yeah i want to i want to see you on that block because i think
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we always hear the women's let's hear the men's yeah
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i think there's hope for them i think that once the effigy just shut up and listen to him he should
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tell a few home truths you can bring the musician too we can get you guys on
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i'm gonna say this loud and clear no he's sorry no no never no no he didn't need it
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no still no never do you know what happened he's like no for everything no no no no i'm getting
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so many chances already why not another oh hell no no yeah the worst thing she could have done
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why keep trying something you know something young lady the worst thing you could have done was go
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over his dream and encourage him to be a musician no i think i still i still think that that was the
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right thing to do no i mean at the you thought it was the right thing to do i mean but with hindsight
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would you if he wasn't a musician what else could he have been he was a architectural metal worker
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in the airports and he was miserable and i wanted him to be happy okay so to be happy he left his
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job and he took a risk and i encouraged that did it work out good for him financially majorly so yeah
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oh that's all right then we'll use our store friends and that's all right you ain't got no kids
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with over here yeah oh you have well that's all right then he's making money you got kids
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and you're getting on that's great yeah no arguments that's always good
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i really i really think we could do a double episode i really think we can just bring families
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together in the therapy room do you know what i'd really like to do i'd like to i'd like to follow
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her and i'd like to check out her um style because i reckon she's giving off the wrong
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i'd like to you know that wife's got i'd like to make her over and see the difference this young
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lady here i think she's giving out all the wrong signals yeah that's it and attracting the wrong
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people yeah i think she's attracting the wrong type of person because she's giving out the wrong signals
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do you think how you look um affects the type of course it does how you look how you walk how you
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present yourself everything i honestly think i'm a sex object like when it comes to things but do you
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allow it not that i allow it but at the end of the day i know if you do it you allow it yeah you
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allow it the minute you do it you allow it that's your choice how you present yourself as well i
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understand that to you you may not do it to be a sexual object but people are going to determine
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you as what you look like people judge a book by its cover so isn't that in your control yeah
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i don't think so much as she looks i think i think it's her behavior and the way she talks
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first impressions as well yeah i think it's her behavior not really first impressions we really
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talk about the ugly man that i'd sleep with so it's not about first impressions because there
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must be something underneath all of his ugliness for me to sleep with him so i just think that she
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can look as she is but i think you can carry yourself different and you can talk differently
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i think that's what it is okay and i'll prove myself right if you put yourself in my hands do you
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want to do you want to come on an episode of wife school yeah yeah wow we have so many applicants
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wife school oh yeah we do um it's just like wife classes basically so things that we're basically
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training pearl we were training up pearl to be wifey and she didn't think i was wifey but then
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but now she decides that she wants everybody else to come in because i think she's feeling a bit
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um overwhelmed a bit of company i needed the bread well okay i needed the bread what did you have to
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change everything what have you had to change since wife school um okay we have we have different
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chapters okay this chapter i'm in is cooking okay so i'm really trying to be able to cook healthy food
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blessing are they happy about that they're working he's good look yeah in the beginning i had some
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mess ups i won't lie but i've actually improved a lot in the last like month or two but if you can
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can i just ask a question pearl yeah can i ask everybody what's their um their favorite meal to cook what meal
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if you had 15 minutes to cook what would you cook 15 minutes one five one five fifteen what would
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you cook off the top of your head what kind of pasta and what oh about bolognese okay what would
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you cook steak damn you you took mine sort of like chicken pasta with some cream cheese okay what would
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you cook young lady just 15 minutes yeah oh my partner likes calm beef hash and beetroot so it's pretty easy
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okay 15 minutes literally steak and eggs okay steak in 15 minutes oh it takes me six minutes to cook
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my steak you have yours no it's if you haven't blue it's even less right i like it i do i like it blue
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i do like it blue sometimes i like mine pink so what would you cook young lady um i oh sorry i'd
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probably make fried rice in 15 minutes that's probably what i can make with them bit of chicken in it
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vegetables peas okay i would do okay i'm torn i either want to do the sushi bowl or the jollof
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rice but i just started doing the jollof rice so i'm like i don't know if i can get it in 15
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minutes jollof rice 15 minutes you can cook jollof rice i'm trying to teach you how to do it you can do
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it in the rice cooker 15 minutes yeah nothing not the real i've done the real way that takes a lot longer
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i have a family like recipe that my grandma tell my mom my mom taught me and it's like cookies from
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scratch i like that i'm a really big dessert person it's not good um but auntie also just taught me
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a cake that i really like making too that's all the things that are not good for her yeah oh yeah
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tell me about it i had to stop baking when i started losing weight it was like well i can make
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a victoria sponge or i can lose no weight so it's gonna be one or the other yeah i've had the same
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realization recently yeah when you get a phone when you get a text at two o'clock in the morning where are
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the other cookies there's no sugar in the house oh my gosh i was like
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but take care and then the next episode uh or next month what are we doing fashion we're doing
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fashion yeah and then the month because i've always been a tomboy so i've always really like i've just
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been such a tomboy i've just never cared you want to dress right now i know it's big for me
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like um she cut my jeans because yeah because she felt like they were ugly i'm pretty laid i'm
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pretty laid back i was like go ahead they're beautiful they're really nice shorts um and then
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after that what are we doing etiquette yeah that's gonna be hard and then that's gonna be
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hard um and then dance and then i don't know what oh wow dance as well yeah are you teaching dance
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we'll probably get like an instructor or something she's been at dancing already but she won't post it
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she went 60s go-go dancing oh no i always i keep putting her to a class oh i'm sure you do
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i've set her up i sent her to a dance class when she got there she realized what it was for
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love that no i didn't know what go-go dancing it was like a whole community they're like obsessed
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with the 60s yeah and i was like they're like what do you love about the 60s i'm like
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what about your youngest person there i guess i guess i guess this class
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uh no they were young actually most people i would say were like 20s and 30s there's like only one or
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two older ladies wow yeah yeah they're mostly anyone else taking an l anyone else in relationships yeah
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like i lost a tooth that was the l i took from the relationship i meant i meant you were you look
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back and you say that you you lost like you were not the winner you were the loser i think i've
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dumped every man that i've ever been with and i've always won i'm glad
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yeah that's good no one else really wow i don't feel like i've lost in a relationship i mean you're
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only 19. yeah but yeah i don't yeah the thing is i don't have too much to lose right do you get it
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like other than emotional damage probably like drama probably like daily routine i don't really have much
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to lose compared to other people like money's not involved in it family's not involved in it friends
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barely you know so to be fair i don't feel like i've lost in a relationship why do you have a
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relationship why do you what is it about relation why do you go into relationship at such a young age
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um i think i like having someone there that i can confide in why not get a dog or a teddy bear
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um i think mostly because i like someone that can add on to my lifestyle i like someone that i can
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at the end of the day go back and be like this is like this is my person kind of like my best friend
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um how's that working for you great are you in a relationship now it's it's complicated but
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that's still great that means no it's either yes or no nothing's complicated or situationships
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i'm tired of situationships complicated no are you in a relationship yes or no okay i am not in a
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relationship i am in a i am in a partnership which we're still figuring stuff out um i recently just
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tried to cut cut him off um no no um so i think it was more so we kind of went cool like this is what i
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saw maybe it was a bit of a hasty decision so we can stay in until we try to figure out what's up
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and if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be but yeah that's a lot for such a young age
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yeah i feel like a lot of younger generation feel like they need to be in a relationship
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um i've got two girls um and my youngest feels like she needs to be in a relationship and i don't
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i don't get it but and where my job and what i i work with children a lot of young teenagers and
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adolescents feel like they need to be in a relationship it's quite scary but i think
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i think more so than being in a relationship i think it's more so that you don't want to lose that
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person so the only way you don't lose someone is kind of if you kind of go quite honestly in that
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relationship i'm not saying that's the that applies to me right now but that's kind of like
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what i think the general mindset is can i give you a bit of advice mama always says to me um
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you know you said you always want somebody to be there you don't want to be on your own
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yeah mama would say you're not a twin yeah 100 so if you're not a twin you should be used to being on
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your own only twins need somebody they will miss someone so get over your loneliness and get out there
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and get a hobby and stop getting a man i will admit that i can i do struggle to be alone i will openly
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admit that and i think more times right now i've practiced being alone i think i don't need that
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validation from someone else to be like i can do this i can do that but do you think that's a big
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responsibility to put on somebody else to not make you feel alone and to bring you that kind of
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happiness inside no because i would never be like i would never approach someone and be like
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yeah like i need you to be there for me it's just kind of what happens i don't end up i don't think
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women are meant to be alone like i mean i i can understand like a teenager you might not want
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them getting in a relationship but it's it feels really good being single i mean i mean in the
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short term but i mean we have more women on antidepressants than ever before and we're more
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single than ever before i agree with you i don't think sorry i don't think women are supposed to be
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alone but men are not supposed to be suffocated by a woman that can't handle being alone
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and i think that's the difference and that's something i had to learn until you're with
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someone be happy being alone yeah and if you're not happy being alone then the person that you're
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going to be with you're going to suffocate hell out of him a hundred percent yeah i wonder what
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you said 100 but yet she wants the man and she's going to be with him then just leave the man rather
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than going back with him hundred percent no because i agree with you no i'm i'm not going to sit here and
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lie to you and say i've been ignorant to everything i'll be real like i'm a kind of
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person i have to think everything through believe it or not so if i'm going to stay in something i
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know why i'm going to stay in it because it works for me and it works for both of us somewhat but
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it's also i'm also at a point where it's kind of like cool i can do whatever i want right this is a
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time for me to learn this is a time for me to do whatever i want to do and do you know something right
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i think that's the worst thing that mother people say nowadays you think so is that now's the time
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because i'm sure that all the older people i'm saying older not like me older which they didn't
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do that no if you if you can be if you you're sensible or you sound sensible if you're sensible
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now stop going in stupid relationships sort yourself out and getting one that works because
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you're talking with a lot of sense so you know what works so you know that don't work
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you know stop picking up crap pick up something that you can study and i'm sure when you keep on
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thinking a lot of you like oh yeah that's what we need now but you can if she had her way again
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she'd do it differently if she was 18 or 19 we all will and that's what i find that when you get young
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people they don't think they don't take advice from older people because she just said why do they need
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to be in a relationship there's no reason for you to be in a relationship unless you're going to deal
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in the relationship to be serious to get married or something like that because if i was young now
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i think i'd be married at 19 or 20 and i think i'd be a virgin until i was 19 or 20 knowing what i know
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now and i'm sure that anybody else who's done it that everybody's nodding everybody's nodding
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so if you can't be in a relationship and you can't see a future don't be in it don't waste your time
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don't waste your body don't waste your energy don't waste your brain and don't waste his time either
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because you might get back to give it's like oh once i'm getting what i know what stuck out when you said
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somewhat we're getting what we want somewhat that means that you're not you're just hanging on in
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there until something better comes along until you get bored and dump him get out of it okay auntie