JustPearlyThings - May 16, 2023


The Real PROBLEMS With RELATIONSHIPS


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

212.83249

Word Count

2,019

Sentence Count

3

Misogynist Sentences

11

Hate Speech Sentences

20


Summary

In this episode, I am joined by my best friend and long-term partner, Pippa, as we talk about what it's like dating in your 30s and 40s. We talk about our own experiences of dating in our 20s and 30s, what we wish we knew at the time and what we would have learnt if we were younger.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I actually agree with him
00:00:02.140 Because women leave more
00:00:03.220 We leave like 80% of the time
00:00:04.640 I don't mean leaving
00:00:05.540 I just mean that a man
00:00:06.880 Have you not had boyfriends
00:00:08.420 That now you look back
00:00:09.600 And you think
00:00:10.000 Actually I thought
00:00:11.340 I broke up with him
00:00:12.200 But he was never
00:00:14.120 Going to marry me
00:00:14.860 You weren't
00:00:15.260 You weren't
00:00:15.780 You weren't his girlfriend
00:00:16.680 You just learned that
00:00:17.520 They weren't your boyfriend
00:00:18.820 Oh
00:00:19.320 You know what I mean
00:00:21.540 What do you mean
00:00:22.040 No but what
00:00:22.440 Well it's like
00:00:23.480 If a woman is giving
00:00:24.600 I'm like oh we're dating
00:00:25.340 But it's like
00:00:25.860 Well are you dating
00:00:26.740 Or are you
00:00:27.340 Right
00:00:27.700 No I've only ever had
00:00:28.720 Like relationship
00:00:29.480 Well I've had a situationship
00:00:30.800 But you know
00:00:31.140 What I mean is
00:00:32.300 You might think
00:00:34.560 As a girl
00:00:35.140 That you're dating this guy
00:00:36.360 And you may even
00:00:37.140 Live together
00:00:37.660 But that still doesn't mean
00:00:40.700 He has any intention
00:00:41.760 Of actually marrying you
00:00:43.220 And you don't know that
00:00:44.260 So has that happened to you
00:00:45.720 Not
00:00:47.180 Like the dating someone
00:00:49.200 For a long time
00:00:49.880 And he had no intention
00:00:50.560 I've had several relationships
00:00:51.820 That now I look back
00:00:53.900 I think actually
00:00:54.600 That was never going anywhere
00:00:56.140 Either I always thought
00:00:57.340 It was me deciding that
00:00:58.960 But then you think
00:00:59.540 Actually he never
00:01:00.920 Was going to propose
00:01:01.640 It was time wasting
00:01:02.860 Men can waste time
00:01:03.700 Did he end up
00:01:05.040 Like marrying someone else
00:01:06.020 Right after
00:01:06.580 Or did they never get married
00:01:07.840 A couple of my exes
00:01:09.740 I think are married
00:01:10.320 Yeah
00:01:10.580 Oh
00:01:10.860 Because sometimes
00:01:12.680 I think it's like
00:01:13.340 Girls will try to make
00:01:14.380 A guy that doesn't want
00:01:15.300 To be a husband
00:01:15.880 A husband
00:01:16.380 Yeah
00:01:16.760 I mean he's just not a husband
00:01:18.160 So I was just curious
00:01:18.920 If the guys
00:01:19.420 Were they not husbands
00:01:20.460 Or like they were never
00:01:21.220 Going to marry you
00:01:21.940 To me
00:01:22.460 They weren't
00:01:23.080 I don't actually think
00:01:24.220 They were husbands
00:01:25.020 I wasn't happy
00:01:26.160 But they may well be now
00:01:28.580 This was obviously
00:01:29.300 I'm 35
00:01:29.900 This was in my 20s
00:01:31.260 Early 20s
00:01:32.580 I think that
00:01:36.440 Women date potential
00:01:37.520 So me dating someone
00:01:38.780 At my own age
00:01:39.580 At that point
00:01:40.180 Might have been the problem
00:01:41.640 I've not really
00:01:43.180 Dated older
00:01:44.040 I've not really
00:01:44.760 I've been a bit weird
00:01:46.060 About it
00:01:46.440 But actually
00:01:46.980 Maybe that's a better idea
00:01:48.200 Not now
00:01:49.220 My fiance's younger
00:01:50.920 But I'm just saying
00:01:53.320 That
00:01:53.680 I've lost my
00:01:56.020 Trying to feel
00:01:56.840 Do you know
00:01:57.180 If a guy
00:01:57.660 Doesn't get married
00:01:58.380 After the age of 35
00:01:59.440 He only has a 15% chance
00:02:01.000 Of ever getting married
00:02:01.740 Isn't that crazy
00:02:02.560 That is not
00:02:03.260 For women
00:02:04.780 It's like 0%
00:02:05.980 Oh wow
00:02:06.480 I think
00:02:06.960 What is it
00:02:07.340 If a woman
00:02:08.080 Doesn't have a child
00:02:09.380 By 35
00:02:10.200 The chances of her
00:02:11.080 Having a child
00:02:11.640 Drop to about 0
00:02:12.480 Well if she's single
00:02:13.360 By 30
00:02:13.980 The chance of her
00:02:15.040 If she's single
00:02:16.160 At 30
00:02:16.560 The chance of her
00:02:17.220 Ever having like
00:02:18.080 A kid
00:02:18.440 Drops below 50%
00:02:19.880 So you're like
00:02:20.420 She's more likely
00:02:21.080 To not have a kid
00:02:21.800 Than have one
00:02:22.320 What does that tell you
00:02:22.900 About sexual market value
00:02:23.820 Of a woman
00:02:24.140 That's a scary statistic
00:02:25.260 Right
00:02:25.540 That's a harsh reality
00:02:26.760 For me
00:02:27.100 I'm getting married
00:02:27.680 I would like to have kids
00:02:28.660 My partner would like
00:02:29.360 To have kids
00:02:29.820 But I am 35
00:02:30.700 And the chances
00:02:31.660 And I think
00:02:32.460 That should be taught
00:02:33.100 To girls
00:02:34.820 Because at the moment
00:02:36.060 You see a lot of celebrities
00:02:37.020 They've paid for IVF
00:02:38.600 They've had their expos
00:02:39.180 And they're doing it older
00:02:40.260 But they've got millions
00:02:41.520 Of pounds
00:02:41.940 To achieve things
00:02:42.960 That isn't actually
00:02:43.580 Easy to achieve
00:02:44.380 In the real world
00:02:45.980 What do you wish
00:02:46.680 You knew at 25
00:02:47.580 Not to date anybody
00:02:49.780 For their potential
00:02:51.240 Because the chances
00:02:52.160 Of them fulfilling
00:02:53.800 That potential
00:02:54.340 Are quite slim
00:02:55.180 That actually
00:02:56.620 A man who is
00:02:57.400 A go-getter
00:02:57.940 A man that is
00:02:58.560 A hard worker
00:02:59.220 Driven
00:03:00.000 They already are
00:03:01.020 And it's not going
00:03:01.680 To come from me
00:03:02.380 Pushing them
00:03:03.080 They already are
00:03:04.080 That person
00:03:04.620 And then
00:03:05.500 Yeah
00:03:05.980 Would you say
00:03:06.680 You dated more
00:03:07.240 For like looks
00:03:07.960 In your 20s
00:03:08.720 Not based on my
00:03:11.120 Exes no
00:03:11.940 But I do think
00:03:13.640 That that's what
00:03:15.540 You look for
00:03:16.120 Definitely
00:03:16.620 But I've
00:03:18.720 I've
00:03:20.100 Sort of
00:03:21.740 Oh sorry
00:03:23.380 Me
00:03:24.140 This way
00:03:25.960 Sorry it's because
00:03:27.140 I'm looking at
00:03:27.620 Pearl that's why
00:03:28.300 Oh goodness me
00:03:31.540 I've lost where
00:03:33.520 I was again
00:03:34.020 I asked if you
00:03:34.740 You dated for looks
00:03:36.240 In your 20s
00:03:37.520 Yeah
00:03:37.800 Not based on my
00:03:38.720 Exes no
00:03:39.300 But I do think
00:03:40.200 That
00:03:40.680 Charisma I'd say
00:03:43.220 I went for
00:03:44.340 The funny one
00:03:45.420 The loud one
00:03:46.080 The confident one
00:03:46.980 You know
00:03:47.340 They weren't always
00:03:48.260 The best looking one
00:03:48.980 But
00:03:49.240 But I think
00:03:50.520 That that comes off
00:03:51.240 As like a masculinity
00:03:52.120 In a way
00:03:53.180 So I think
00:03:54.040 That's what I was
00:03:54.540 Attracted to
00:03:55.180 And then I'd get
00:03:56.860 In the relationship
00:03:57.380 And realize actually
00:03:58.180 They weren't doing
00:03:58.920 Anything else
00:03:59.680 And I still
00:04:00.800 You're hooked
00:04:01.280 So you can't
00:04:02.080 They had a lot
00:04:02.840 Of practice
00:04:03.380 To get that funny
00:04:04.340 They had a lot
00:04:04.780 Of free time
00:04:05.400 Exactly
00:04:06.140 Talk to women
00:04:07.260 Yeah yeah yeah
00:04:07.920 Okay
00:04:09.320 What did you think
00:04:10.120 Of the body count
00:04:10.840 When is high value
00:04:12.480 Off the table
00:04:13.160 For a woman
00:04:13.700 I think it is
00:04:15.060 Slightly age related
00:04:16.820 As well
00:04:17.280 I think
00:04:18.980 That if I had
00:04:19.800 A kid or a niece
00:04:20.740 Or I do have a niece
00:04:21.560 I would say
00:04:22.100 Just hold on to
00:04:22.820 Your virginity
00:04:23.360 For as long as you can
00:04:24.320 But I think
00:04:27.040 That early
00:04:28.020 18
00:04:29.160 If you start
00:04:30.760 Having sex
00:04:31.220 When you're 16
00:04:31.800 Maybe you slept
00:04:32.580 With one person
00:04:33.180 And then 20
00:04:34.820 Maybe two
00:04:35.380 You know
00:04:35.980 And then if you're 35
00:04:36.940 And you've had a few
00:04:37.620 Relationships
00:04:38.220 Then it would be
00:04:38.600 A little bit above
00:04:39.180 But I think
00:04:40.700 That there's no need
00:04:41.720 To go out
00:04:42.380 Yeah
00:04:43.780 I think it matters
00:04:44.820 What's the number
00:04:45.680 Oh sorry
00:04:46.180 Yeah sorry
00:04:46.820 So
00:04:49.700 Early 20s
00:04:52.120 I'd say like 5
00:04:53.120 Okay
00:04:53.760 What age
00:04:54.880 Is high value
00:04:55.440 Off the table
00:04:56.080 For a woman
00:04:57.280 Probably 25
00:04:58.200 Okay
00:04:58.820 So
00:04:59.300 So
00:04:59.800 So 5 then
00:05:00.740 Okay
00:05:01.100 Roughly 5
00:05:01.820 5, 25
00:05:02.460 5
00:05:02.820 Yeah I know
00:05:05.120 You got it
00:05:05.680 I agree
00:05:06.140 I agree
00:05:06.480 What do you think
00:05:07.780 Yeah I think 5
00:05:08.540 5
00:05:08.940 Yeah 5
00:05:09.440 After 5
00:05:10.060 High values
00:05:10.520 Off the table
00:05:11.000 After 5
00:05:11.280 It's finished
00:05:11.960 That's a yoga
00:05:12.900 Sorry
00:05:13.900 Sorry
00:05:14.580 Sorry
00:05:15.180 I would say below
00:05:17.580 Double digits
00:05:18.180 To be honest
00:05:19.180 Below
00:05:19.820 Yeah
00:05:20.280 Below
00:05:20.640 You're kind
00:05:21.940 And you'll give them up to 10
00:05:23.060 Yeah
00:05:23.620 That's the most common answer I get
00:05:27.180 I get like
00:05:27.960 Yeah 10 is
00:05:29.160 Well I get when I ask
00:05:30.940 How many bodies
00:05:31.640 Is too many bodies
00:05:32.580 It's always
00:05:33.060 Prefer 5
00:05:34.380 I'll deal with 10
00:05:35.700 15 maybe
00:05:37.060 Maybe if she's hot
00:05:37.780 What do you think
00:05:41.100 Well it's funny that a lot of people land on 5
00:05:44.940 That's like statistically kind of the average for women in the western nations
00:05:50.080 Like and so you're kind of going well as long as she's kind of average which is you know
00:05:53.620 I think it's a fair standard
00:05:54.720 Is that average now?
00:05:55.820 That is about the average yeah reported
00:05:57.460 I mean obviously there's going to be some variances because people lie whatever but on the grand scale it's probably not off by more than one
00:06:03.500 The one I read was higher than that it was like 8 I think
00:06:08.100 That might have been like Sweden or something like a really like egalitarian sort of open society that could happen
00:06:13.180 For men you know so and
00:06:14.680 Oh were you doing like world?
00:06:16.320 Yeah
00:06:16.560 Oh okay
00:06:17.000 No it's more western world it's more like England America Canada you know like sort of like the G20 whatever you want to call it
00:06:21.980 So there could be you know some variance in that but
00:06:25.300 That's good though it's an average is 5
00:06:28.460 It's a it's such a it's such an interesting thing let me tell you guys this like here's a question I would ask right
00:06:33.020 And here's like a legitimate statistical question I'm interested in this right
00:06:36.800 As a man's income and options go up options meaning more women are willing to sleep with him
00:06:42.940 Therefore he gets to choose who he wants to commit to because that's what a man does at the end of high value
00:06:47.240 He chooses who he commits to right he's the one that controls the commitment the woman controls the sex right
00:06:51.280 As a man's options go up does that number change
00:06:54.980 An interesting question because like
00:06:58.060 Well the the body count for a girl that's acceptable to him to form a long-term relationship like I know a dude
00:07:03.560 We actually both know a dude with henry that like
00:07:05.520 Is with a chick right now and like you can tell she's been with a lot of dudes
00:07:09.540 But the guy's so inexperienced and naive he's just happy to have a woman
00:07:12.640 He's like yeah i have a woman is he well off or no no no no not at all
00:07:17.220 But i'm thinking like but i'm thinking like if this guy was like as this guy right he's young
00:07:21.240 But as he rises through life, he's like, you know, it's more money more money more so whatever that metric you use for value
00:07:26.200 Whatever whatever, you know gains more opportunity more more social value
00:07:30.740 He might look at that chick and be like, you know what I can do better
00:07:34.160 You know be it's like the same that your friend is picking up a 300 pound chick
00:07:38.120 It's like most of the guys that go for that by the way, there's actual studies on this as well, right?
00:07:42.320 And they say that poor men prefer fatter women and I look at that study go
00:07:46.040 It's not that they prefer it's just so who they can get
00:07:47.740 It's just like the market has a certain equilibrium, right? There's a surplus of that there's way too many chicks that are oversized
00:07:52.700 There's way too many lazy broke-ass dudes and then the market surplus adjusts itself
00:07:57.020 They're really a match made in heaven
00:07:59.020 Heaven's a strong word
00:08:01.020 Heaven's a strong word
00:08:02.620 But that's funny because this lady in the green dress here was saying like yeah
00:08:05.260 And I had some guys living with me that never really thought they were gonna marry me and my first thought was like
00:08:09.420 I wonder if they're very low ambition men
00:08:11.420 Oh, right
00:08:12.460 Yeah, because they're comfortable being in an imperfect situation
00:08:15.740 What happens is in this young gentleman here in front of me in the matching suit he was saying earlier
00:08:19.740 He's like I want a girl that that pushes me to and motivates me and i'm like, no, you don't
00:08:23.740 If a woman has to motivate you if oh no, you don't if a woman has to
00:08:27.500 That encourages you then
00:08:28.460 If a woman has to motivate you in a relationship, you will both be bitter and resentful
00:08:33.020 I agree with that completely
00:08:34.220 Like like my woman is like hey, do you need to travel on that trip? Do you do this?
00:08:37.660 I'm like, yeah, like, you know
00:08:38.780 Like I I told my girlfriend who became my wife. I was like i'm really really ambitious gonna be working all the time
00:08:43.900 You have to deal with that if you don't that's okay
00:08:45.820 But that's gonna be me and so and I find that her attraction for me
00:08:50.060 Stabilizes and even goes up because I am achieving new things all the time and and she won't deny that
00:08:55.180 I agree with that completely. I work six days seven days a week and you have to put up with it
00:08:59.260 It's just that's what I do and i'm not gonna stop doing what i'm doing because i'm able to provide what I need to provide
00:09:05.020 And no matter what arguments happen
00:09:07.820 You're still happy with what i'm doing because it shows that i'm doing what i need to do
00:09:11.180 I would ask an interesting question anybody here girl as many of you know
00:09:13.900 I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
00:09:21.020 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below every donation helps and it helps make what we do possible