This is REALLY SAD to Watch
Episode Stats
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225.77505
Summary
In this episode, I am joined by a good friend of mine who has been single for a while and is looking for a man to take care of her mental health. We talk about what makes a good man, what she likes in a man and what she needs to do to find one.
Transcript
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think i think if i see my man treat his mom with respect you know treat treat his the women in his
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family how they should be treated because i've seen a lot of guys and they they're horrible to
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their parents who was your last boyfriend three years ago that's my only boyfriend okay was he
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nice to his mom yeah very nice who ended the relationship um me so that's why they say listen
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to what women do not say but um why he was nice to his mom yeah he was nice to his mom but he also
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liked to do a lot of really bad things so that didn't do it for me but that is definitely a big
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thing though still the parents um looking at hygiene so you want to be nice to your mother and shower
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all right hygiene um for me i like a man with money gonna say it because i need to feel stable as well
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you know and women like to be looked after i appreciate the honesty i like you're not capping
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we don't know and i feel like thank you there's a lot of times where how much give me a number a lot
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so i've been single for quite a while now and i feel like i'm looking after myself all the time
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it gets to a point you get fed up with that and you actually just want a nice masculine man to take
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care of you and put you in these arms i like that and everyone's different but that's what i like give
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me a number how much does you have to make how much as long as i've got a nice house i've got a
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nice car what does what does a nice house go for in london oh i wouldn't live in england anyway
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i'd live abroad definitely oh so you're looking for a man in another country no that would want to
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move so hopefully he's got his businesses all settled and we can go what makes you think that guy
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will choose you yeah you know what i might never get a rich man in my life but that's what i like
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so hopefully it get there well okay you might never get that are you taking steps to get there
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at the moment i'm healing on myself i've got a lot of issues i need to sort out before i can
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ever get a partner okay and that's how are you healing them therapy oh yeah i think therapy makes
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you crazier no you know what i think all the women i know that go to therapy get worse yeah and i can
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actually agree with that but the only reason i'm getting this therapy because it's free at the
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moment and i do actually need some sort of help so is it a male or a female it's a female i'm gonna
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just you should go to a male therapist really yeah women shouldn't be therapists it's just my opinion
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i'm in i'm in the psychology program at the school i promise you these women that are giving you they're
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horrible yeah horrible they're insane men look to solve problems so a guy's gonna tell you if i have
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this problem so you solve it women are just gonna say oh it's okay tell me about your trauma but i've
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also have had uh men therapists that have made me feel really uncomfortable and flirted with me and
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that didn't solve any of my problems i felt uncomfortable at my therapy session so to me i'll
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feel more comfortable with a woman i have a more natural how do you flirt just making comments what's
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your social media and things like that you know making me feel uncomfortable because everyone he knew that
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i'm a sa uh no sw a sex worker i'm allowed to say that right w yeah does do you think that helps
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or hurts with your mental health it hurts it so so much okay i'll be so real well can you why do you
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keep doing it then because at that moment i'm in like a bit of a loophole where it's a bit hard to
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come out of it where i'm just used to money being thrown at me i'm scared to go back into a normal job
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routine how how much in savings do you have savings um do i really have to answer that do you have
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more than like okay what do you what do you roughly make a year and yeah i'd say maybe not on of but
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altogether maybe i'd say about 50k 50k yeah for that's sex work yeah you think you're worth 50k a
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year no but i don't work a lot though with it i do you know i don't overdo it because when i was a
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bit younger i overworked and that's when i was doing a really bad black bad place i overdid it
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so i've taken a bit of a step back i don't even do my only of only fans anymore um i more do like
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dominatrix and come in and that just keeps me steady for now yeah well i'm just thinking if you
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want to get out oh no of course of course right so like like it might help to get some savings so
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then you know i've got savings i've got same don't get me wrong i've got savings but also i've gotten
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a lot of debt as well and i also had to go for a court case so i'm spending money on solicitors
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you know things happen in life life's one big journey and i feel like everyone's journey is
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different some people have a really good life and some people don't have a good life so what made
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you get into that well um the sex work sort of thing um i used to work in a care home and i was
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actually very like depressed very low and i wasn't making a lot of money and i had my ex-boyfriend at
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the time that used to he used to really make me feel low you know and even like we'd go out for
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meals and he'd say have you got the 10 pound from the meal he used to always make me split
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and i used to think to myself like like i care for you i love you i treat you try and treat you
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well and he never gave me that back and then i worked in the care home and i was sitting there one
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day and i thought i can't do this anymore like my man don't even want to help like help um
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and then i was sitting there and speaking to one of the old guys that used to look after in the
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care home and i told him my whole plan about starting the only fans you know and he sat there and he
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said to me do it why are you not doing it you're gonna be old like me one day sitting in a chair
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you're gonna like die basically one day just do it and i just wanted to subscribe you know what
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but he didn't make it till that time because he passed away a few months after but i started it
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and um how old were you i was 19. so you're 19 you're working in a care home yeah sorry it gets
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hard it gets very hard question how many years did you run your only fence um probably about
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a year and a half and i stopped yeah so i was working in the care home and then i started it
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and i knew that if i started the oaf my ex would leave me alone because he hated things like that
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and i knew that he'd really leave me alone because we were so toxic together and then i was i was in
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work i checked my phone i think i made maybe like 2k in that day and to me that's a lot i haven't come from
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a big family haven't come from a stable family at all i think 2k in a day is a lot and and for
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me it was because i was getting 400 pound a week from the care home and i was working 12 hour shifts
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and five days a week so to me that was amazing and how old did you say you are now i'm 22 now
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okay so you've been doing it for like three years yeah and then i said to my manager i i need to
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leave work like i don't really want to be here and i told him my situation with the only phone
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she said to me just go so i went and i just never looked back so why did you pick that route
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instead of like i don't know marrying rich you know you're a pretty girl you were 19. thank you
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you were with the guy for three years so you couldn't have been i mean what you probably
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weren't street in that much if you're with a guy for three years were you maybe you were okay yeah
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i was a mess i was a mess i had no control over my emotions i felt like i didn't even know who i was
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right i feel like when you're in a young relationship you don't even know who you are as a person at that
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point you grow to learn who you are why why ruin your own life you could have got married ruined
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someone else's too i don't want to get married i'm against marriage i don't ever want to get married
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thank you it wasn't offering i was just asking yeah no but i don't like marriage i just think it's like
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no not everyone wants to get married and not everyone wants children i know i just i just think
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it's like a shame because there's way to utilize female beauty in a different way and still get the
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outcomes that you want you know what i mean like now now you're in a position where it's going to be tough to
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ever be with a guy long term yeah but maybe i don't want to be with a guy long term maybe i want
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to live with three cats at my home with all my cactuses what do you want your life to look like at 65
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i'll probably be dead by then so i don't know i don't think that far ahead because life
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yeah it's just you really should i don't plan that hard ahead i live in the moment yeah it probably
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will but if it does it does i don't really care yeah you do no i don't i think you feel a bit under
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spot no i don't say that now but then life hits you and maybe it will hit me but it's not hitting
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me up and i'm here i'm healthy you know i'm living got good family members like you still get it like
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i don't think women like we realize how much we like need attention from men yeah like we need like
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we need i agree with that and so like right now you're still young you're still attractive you're still
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going to get attention from men but like at 40 to 50 women become basically invisible yeah i know
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that does scare me actually i thought about that and so if you don't if you don't get a husband
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before then like what does life look like your parents will pass away at some point your siblings
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will have their own families like if you don't start thinking long term like what does your life
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look like and i don't say this to be mean no no no it's a good question you're in the position you're
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in already you can't do anything to like yeah yeah to change it yeah but it's like you know if you
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want to be in a position where you're happier like wouldn't it make sense to maybe start put that away
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maybe but um i don't know yes i feel like there's so much in my life i'm trying to sort out first
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like my mental health and my family issues and a lot of my childhood trauma that i still have to
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deal with daily so i'm trying to sort that out first because i feel like i can't think straight
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at the moment with my head it's just like one big tornado so so trauma like what do you mean you
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need to go through like because i never understand when people say childhood trauma like so when i was
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younger i was essayed and um it was my mom's boyfriend so it's like that was quite intense
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you know i'm not getting upset it's just a bit you know um yeah so how long have you been going to
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therapy for it um i was going when i was 16 for a year and then i stopped thought i didn't need it
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anymore and then i've only been going for about five months now well because it's just the the the sad
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thing about therapy is it just seems like they just kind of make money off of their patients
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instead of trying to get you guys out and i think a lot of times that's like women doing it i know i
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know maybe you had the bad experience with the guy but it might make sense to try to find a different
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yeah i guess so you know that just because like what what does your future look like you have to
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figure out how to move on yeah yeah definitely yeah okay and sometimes there are things that you
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can't actually get over so looking at it endlessly you it makes you live in the moment yeah i always
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feel like i'm i wake up and i'm still living in the past still like my head just keeps living in the
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past but you know and i've just found that if i focus more on the future you don't live as much in
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the past yeah you know like right now you're not even thinking like long term yeah also if you had a
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partner one that was good for you not just any old partner if you were focused on them yeah and
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they're focused on you then you also wouldn't have to i feel like that is why i do hate my job
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because i don't glamorize sex work at all i think don't start it it does ruin your life it ruins your
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mentality and it ruins how you view men and how men should view you so yeah i if i could sit here
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and regret doing sex work i probably would regret it only because the stuff i put on the internet as well
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because that's not me that's just what i've done for money and you shouldn't have to do them
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things for money to you know you're losing your not morals but it could have been private yeah it
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could have been private and i feel like where i was a bit younger and i was getting too excited
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because of the money i had no parents to guide me i kind of lost the control and now i'm in this
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situation but um yeah i'm just thinking there's like steps you could take to get out of it because
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you know you know it's like you can you're able to make savings put it away yeah yeah because i'm
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just thinking like you're you're a pretty girl there's ways to monetize your beauty in a different
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way you can start a youtube channel yeah reactions yeah right you could do you could do um sales yeah
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i don't what would sales people hundred percent sex work sex workers it's what's interesting to me and
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this is actually something like i said when i was dating a gal that turned out to be a stripper and like a
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really popular one apparently um what really interested me in her psychology she was probably
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the best person i've ever met at just reading men and just understand like i don't believe that anybody
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really knows human nature like sex workers do that's so they really like these girls learn yeah
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she can look she can look at a guy and i guarantee it i've met you like two minutes ago we've gone on
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shows like she can look at a guy and immediately know how much money he has would he cheat on his wife
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and how quickly and like and she knows she would you know you don't know right she's like yeah of course
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because the gal i was with she was like she would look at the guy she's like i'm like oh that guy's
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my friend he was married she's like oh he would cheat on his wife and i'm like really she's and
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she would just know she's like i know the look i know i know the feel i know the energy like they
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just understand that so yes it definitely is good for sales but coming i know that you did not like
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sales and that's fine i loved sales i'll tell you no no no i don't mind sales i hate selling copiers yes
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we had a guy in our we had a guy in our company that's like one of our top sales people he used to sell
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copiers came to us he likes his life now but there is something um to sales that i think is really really
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important tying into this um how you feel and like all the emotional stuff i mean obviously like
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that's that's a battle you have to you have to you have to fight that's a battle you have to win it is
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what it is everybody has some trauma not at the same level you know we're different but everybody comes
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everybody's family is effed up in some way or another like it's just a fact we all are you know
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and one thing i'm really glad about like when i was 20 years old and i felt like i was a victim of the
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world and i think a lot of people you know at a young age feel like they're victims like no i'm
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not the best looking no i'm not the smartest no i'm not this the that i don't have a big brother
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to teach me things before i was 20 the internet wasn't like a huge thing which is kind of crazy so
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we didn't have these podcasts to learn about life which is why i appreciate what pearl does so much
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because you know we get to learn about life i was really really lucky to to take a sales position
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where people probably cared about the money i was making them more than they cared about me
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but at least the steps that i needed to take to build myself included a significant amount of
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discipline a significant amount of accountability and being honest with myself because i didn't get
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paid if i didn't sell anything so so i was had to be very brutally honest with myself and extremely
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disciplined but what really helped was getting around another group of people around me that were
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disciplined and growing and they didn't resent my success they celebrated my success and i celebrated
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their success and when i failed they didn't crap on me they said hey you failed let's work together to
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make you better if you want to be better you know and so one of the things actually we we do in our
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company is and i think tate and those guys have the war room be really the warm was i i think that's
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brilliant i think just giving men men a place to meet other ambitious successful or striving men
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that's better than school yeah and that's we need that we do the same thing in our company like we bring
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guys in and and we literally mold them and work with them to make them more accountable to grow and
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do some guys resent it yes they leave and they resent it because they don't like to be in an
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environment where they feel like they're not enough but other guys flourish in that environment and as
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a man i'm talking from a man's perspective you don't have like a woman can cry and still move into
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another man's life a couple years later men don't have that option like we need to be building all
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the time and if you feel like you're a dude and you're a little bit victimized it's time to step up
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and and get around people that will help you grow i agree with that definitely i'm just thinking for you
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you've been doing of for three years like that's three years you can still get out you can still
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i haven't actually been doing it for three years i've been i did it for like really i was on on it
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for like a year and a half and then the other two years i had it but i never put any effort into it
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what i'm saying is right now it's still you can semi you can semi get it off oh no 100 i'd never
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want to be a sex work rest of my life no way the way the way you're on track like that's what you're
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on track to do if you don't make life changes quick no i have been though i have been yeah changes have
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you been making i've i've made a limited company i'm starting with a cleaning company
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i just need to make my website at the moment so i've got the cleaners for it like not the
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cleaners i've got the um what's it called why does my mind my mind go i'm like you should get the
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of girls to close you know you know you know you know you know you know you know mr miyagi wipe the
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window she's like clean the window clean the window that was a part of my plan so my plan was to start
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a legit one first yeah i've got um a friend he does an airbnb business so i thought i can use the
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cleaners for that to start with and then make a twitter page and get the naughty maids in you know
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what i mean the sugar dads have the nice houses but then you're still in that environment
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that's actually that's amazing and remember one time i was on your show a while ago and and the story
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was like um i told my wife we should get a cleaner because we have four kids and like a
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very large house with a lot of toys and stuff and she's like okay fine i'll try it and then
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the cleaner came and it was this like young ukrainian girl and she cleaned the house
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spotlessly and she was good looking and my wife's like i'm never inviting the cleaner i will
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so women watching this not just the men the women should be you know if you're a guy and your wife's
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not cleaning hire this lady in her company your wife will be a cleaner as many of you know i was just
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