Order of Man - 3 Things That Don't Lie： Bank Account, Calendar, Scale ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 When I went through a divorce, I made sure that my finances were arranged in a way where my ex-wife can stay at home and homeschool my children.

00:00:11.820 If you question my commitment to what I'm telling you, you don't know the story.

00:00:18.080 I could have very easily said, you're not getting this much, you're not doing this.

00:00:21.600 She could have been forced to go back to work, the kids could have been forced to go back to school.

00:00:25.500 i'm that convicted that i created a financial sacrifice a financial detriment because of how

00:00:33.740 much i believe in what i just told you and i didn't have to do that all right kip what's up

00:00:39.260 man so good to see you i'm actually really looking forward to hanging out with you and your family

00:00:44.520 uh this is my family and matt jenkins and his family so we're gonna have a good time man looking

00:00:50.620 Yeah. Yeah. Let's get this over with so we can start relaxing.

00:00:55.440 I know, man. It's like, but you know, like, are you the kind of guy who can relax? I don't think

00:01:00.260 you are. I'm definitely not. And I don't think you are. Maybe that's part of the reason we get

00:01:03.620 along so well. Yeah. Well, and I think that's a form of relaxation, right? Is a sense of like,

00:01:08.920 we're, you know, it's, how's this? It's nice to get things done and not have the pressure of

00:01:13.660 getting them done. So sometimes it's, it's nice just to work on things, not because I have to,

00:01:19.300 just because i want to take your time you know and and still be productive i i don't know i think

00:01:24.420 that's healthy to some extent yeah i would agree yeah absolutely i think it's uh i think it's nice

00:01:30.860 to get that relaxing in that and and also i think the hardest thing that guys struggle with is with

00:01:37.580 our businesses we don't struggle with our bodies you know some of us struggle more than others

00:01:42.820 but when it comes to the personal stuff the family stuff the personal stuff relaxing being a better

00:01:48.800 father, the being more spiritually grounded. That's the stuff that's hard because it's really

00:01:53.480 hard to quantify. How do you quantify being a better father? You can, if you spend a little

00:01:59.940 time and be deliberate about it, but it isn't so readily available as I have $500 more in my bank

00:02:06.220 account than I did yesterday. So, or, or I'm five pounds lighter than I was last week. Those things

00:02:12.680 are easy to quantify. It's the fatherhood stuff. It's, it's that soft stuff that makes it hard for

00:02:18.220 us, I think. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I actually have an interesting thought about this, you know,

00:02:23.780 in corporate America, right? We, we build all these assessments from a leadership perspective,

00:02:30.720 right? You might send out these assessments and rate your leadership and your effectiveness or

00:02:35.500 whatever. And I was meeting with a client literally just last month, and we were talking about the

00:02:40.640 need for this. And I said, or you could just skip that section and address how you can show it

00:02:47.700 better as a leader. Like just skip it all. Like, like don't even do the, a little assessment

00:02:52.920 baseline thing. Just go, well, improve and just improve. And he's like, well, how would I do that?

00:02:58.900 And, and, and it's funny because I just use this with my kids, one of my daughters last night.

00:03:04.420 Um, and it's kind of a, what I call like assertive feedback, but I just sat down with her and I said,

00:03:09.160 Hey, what's the biggest thing that you're dealing with right now that you feel like stressed out

00:03:13.040 about, or has a lot of your attention. And she shared it with me and I'm like, all right,

00:03:17.620 In what ways am mom and I making it more difficult for you to achieve that?

00:03:23.880 And then we had a conversation.

00:03:25.600 I thought of some things that I need to do better as a father.

00:03:28.700 I didn't need to get a survey baseline, but I could just be intentional about, am I getting

00:03:34.320 better?

00:03:34.780 Am I focused on improving?

00:03:36.520 Am I getting feedback for the sake of changing, not for the sake of having a score, if that

00:03:41.520 makes sense?

00:03:42.800 Yeah, it does.

00:03:43.660 you know like it's it's a lot like for anybody who listen who's listening who might be

00:03:48.360 Mormon I know you are Kip I I am no longer and I haven't been for about five years now

00:03:52.820 but it's the home it's the home teaching I don't even think they call it what do they call it now

00:03:58.060 fellowship what do they call they don't even call it ministry is that what they call it yeah just

00:04:01.820 ministering yeah so the and but that's actually a good change because the when I was part of the

00:04:07.520 church was home teaching. And so for those of you who aren't familiar, you and one other elder of

00:04:15.840 the church, so man, would be assigned three to five families within the neighborhood, the community,

00:04:22.680 we call it the ward. And you would go home teach those, home teach those individuals. And the idea

00:04:29.500 was that you'd spend, you know, usually a Sunday afternoon, you'd go see them once a month and

00:04:35.180 you'd bring a spiritual lesson and you'd pray over them and you'd ask them if they needed any

00:04:41.040 help. And what I felt like it was becoming is, hey, let's just check this off the list because

00:04:46.600 most of the people, including the bishopric, although they might be great men, they're

00:04:52.120 unqualified in leadership often. They don't learn leadership principles. It's like, no,

00:04:58.960 God has ordained you, has tapped you on the shoulder, but they don't learn how to actually

00:05:02.680 And volunteer.

00:05:03.860 Yeah.

00:05:04.580 And volunteer.

00:05:05.880 And take away from your family.

00:05:07.280 This is why I always hated when young men were put in the bishopric.

00:05:11.060 I'm like, you know, I had a friend who's going to school.

00:05:13.820 He studied therapy.

00:05:15.060 He's doing his master's program.

00:05:16.760 He's doing some therapy on the side as he can to get his hours in.

00:05:21.480 He's got four kids, two of which are twins.

00:05:25.060 And what the hell?

00:05:27.600 Like, leave the poor guy alone.

00:05:29.160 you say families are important then you strip him from his family and you tell him if he doesn't do

00:05:36.660 it he's less lucky like i i have issues kind of stuff anyways beside the point um

00:05:43.100 but i think what it became was like hey let me just put this little x mark on my spreadsheet

00:05:50.120 and it became less about no i i know my family's like this family's a son who's going on a mission

00:05:58.100 and this family's got a son who is dealing with suicide and this family needs help because they're

00:06:04.280 actually about to lose their home because dad's disabled and lost his job and it was no longer

00:06:08.960 about that and it became more about well you don't need to tell me all the stuff they're dealing with

00:06:13.460 just i just need to put an x on the box yeah and that's not leadership that's management and

00:06:20.460 it's not going to help you build anything great or wonderful totally well and here's what's great

00:06:27.800 is this can show up everywhere, right?

00:06:31.260 Because the reality of it is,

00:06:32.580 is if we're not questioning the intentions

00:06:34.620 by which we're executing,

00:06:35.960 we'll lose sight of why we're doing it.

00:06:38.640 Same things go for corporate America.

00:06:40.580 We could have leading indicators, right?

00:06:43.640 We believe that if we do tasks, X, Y, Z,

00:06:46.360 they'll result in these results or have these outcomes.

00:06:49.700 But if we lose sight of it,

00:06:51.100 we'll find ourselves checking boxes, right?

00:06:53.200 And losing the intentionality of it all.

00:06:55.340 and and i think and i i even appreciate you know the example of like taking on callings right when

00:07:02.980 when people ask you to take those callings all if you're operating out of compliance for anybody

00:07:08.360 you lost the whole point of it yeah are you committed to it is it what's best for you if

00:07:14.240 it's not push against it and say hey that's not what's ideal for me that is not what's ideal for

00:07:19.760 my family. But far too often in life, we have a tendency to be compliant, right? To do what is

00:07:26.380 asked of us. Why? Because it was asked. Not because we addressed it was what's best for us.

00:07:33.160 And there's a big difference between all those. And you could be in a great environment under a

00:07:37.420 great leader and be compliant and lose sight of it. I mean, we could have guys in the iron council.

00:07:43.640 Oh man, this is about my family. And then before you know it, they're checking the box on a battle

00:07:47.320 plan. And you're like, dude, you lost sight of it. Intentionality. Why are you doing what you're

00:07:52.000 doing? And this is why it's so important to have our identities kind of flushed out a little bit,

00:07:57.620 but most importantly, the values by which we operate. Otherwise we'll find ourselves checking

00:08:01.800 boxes all over in life. You know, I'm spiritual or I'm religious. Why? Well, because I belong to

00:08:07.220 this group and this group tells me what I should believe in. And I've stopped being a spiritual

00:08:10.800 person i mean and that's a failure of mankind in general well i remember years ago again when i was

00:08:18.060 part of the lds church again for people who don't know like part of i think what makes the church so

00:08:24.220 great is that we have these wards and so wards are communities and depending on how large a

00:08:32.080 population of lds members in that community depends on how broad that geographical boundary

00:08:39.060 is. And so in Utah, it's very small, like literally be two or three blocks and they'd

00:08:45.240 fill up a ward. Right. But in California, it might be a 10 mile radius of people. But I remember

00:08:53.600 anytime you move to a new ward, the bishopric, which is, is the bishop is overseas and is

00:09:00.580 spiritually responsible for that ward. And they bring you in when you move in and they're like,

00:09:05.880 hey we'd like to get to know you and all the pleasantries and then they talk about what you

00:09:10.420 know you know or what position within the ward that you will fulfill and I remember going to do

00:09:16.040 these bishop interviews and and I want to say very clearly like 99.9999 percent of the people

00:09:23.940 that I believe in the church are wonderful wonderful people including the bishopric

00:09:27.620 like I want to put that out there I have no hostility towards it but it was always funny

00:09:32.180 because they'd say hey oh we need this and this and this and I said hey you know

00:09:35.820 i'm willing to help out in the ward with the young men specifically teachers yeah and i remember

00:09:44.360 every time half a dozen times that i moved the bishop was like well we really need help with

00:09:48.900 the deacons i'm like i told you teachers i'll do teachers or priests i won't do deacons

00:09:54.060 deacons are 12 to 14 year olds they're little assholes i don't want to deal with it

00:09:57.620 um and like well we really need help in the nursery i'm like you're not listening to what

00:10:03.400 I'm saying like I know you need help go get a grandma to help in nursery go get a woman who's

00:10:10.240 an elementary school teacher to teach in primary go get some gray-haired 75 year old who has nothing

00:10:16.440 better to do to teach elders quorum or gospel doctrine I'm not doing it and and they're like

00:10:24.840 well you know you're not being a team player I'm like fine I'm okay with that yeah fine

00:10:31.440 a tight end is not a linebacker safety is not a quarterback it's fine you're like i know where i

00:10:41.420 operate well if you're telling me i'm not a team player then i'm off the team and without a doubt

00:10:48.940 they'd put me into teacher's quorum which is what i requested but i just maybe i'm getting too old

00:10:54.440 where i'm like i'm not doing that anymore like i know where i'm good i know what i like i want to

00:10:59.180 help. I want to be productive, but I'm going to do it within these boundaries because this is what

00:11:04.000 works for me. Yeah. So, and I think that's what, and that's kind of what I was alluding to. That's

00:11:09.380 how we should operate. We should be operating that way. Yeah. All right, man. Well, okay. So

00:11:15.460 we just wasted a bunch of time. I don't think we, we, we talked a lot about some good things, but

00:11:20.680 let's move to our wholesome sex. Um, bro, I went and saw young Washington over the weekend.

00:11:29.180 actually um i think i texted my oldest son he's 18 and i'm like hey dude you want to go to the

00:11:35.180 middle with me and i fully expected him to say no way and he's like yeah i'll go to the movie with

00:11:41.860 you i'm like wait what what he's like yeah my girlfriend's out of town i'm like okay well

00:11:47.500 you know i'll take it whatever i'll take second string i don't care why i'll be second string

00:11:53.480 if it means i can get to hang out with my son he's asleep for the movie but i still had a good time

00:11:58.240 um i don't think people realize how big of a badass george washington was like i really don't

00:12:06.620 so young washington is the time from when he was little up until about the time that he starts

00:12:12.760 taking over command of uh the virginia militia regiment before before he becomes general of

00:12:22.060 of the american army which was non-existent before that man it is really good i've read

00:12:30.100 a handful of biographies on george washington and i love the fact that with washington they painted

00:12:37.380 him as flawless and he was there's a lot of people don't know because he hits this meteoric rise and

00:12:45.200 there's this folklore about him he was as a young officer of of the militia he did not have a crown

00:12:55.940 um assignment a crown commission he he caught he i mean he really dropped the ball

00:13:04.140 had had very embarrassing early battles with the french during the french and indian war

00:13:09.460 when he was fighting for the English um I love it man I love it and then I just started watching

00:13:17.560 George Washington on the History Channel it's a I don't know if it's more than this but so far I

00:13:23.480 think they have three or four uh episodes now it is so good and it just just creates the importance

00:13:30.320 of men like Washington Thomas Jefferson Benjamin Franklin John Adams Alexander Hamilton like

00:13:39.120 I think we underestimate how incredible these human beings were. Nathaniel Hale, but then you have other characters, for lack of a better term, on the British side, Cornwallis and Hale, I believe his name was, and what's his name?

00:14:01.060 braddock uh general braddock who george washington served under as his esquire or

00:14:07.640 aid to camp it's it's an it's an amazing amazing story and if you're in the lord of the rings

00:14:14.780 or harry potter or any of any like really fantasy type things but you haven't read the story of the

00:14:22.700 early american revolution you you gotta read it because it's absolutely incredible it really is

00:14:29.800 yeah i i nerded out on the book the real george washington yes great book oh man it's such a

00:14:37.140 great book and so good fascinating like even the account that and and i saw the account in the

00:14:43.380 trailers i haven't watched the movie yet but i saw the accounts about you know when he was fired

00:14:49.060 upon um by by some native americans and he had holes in his jacket and that kind of stuff but

00:14:55.320 a lot of those accounts aren't his account that that's the other thing that's fascinating that i

00:15:01.400 learned around george washington a lot of what you know about him they're the journal entries of

00:15:07.540 people that were there so this isn't like george washington propping himself up that this happened

00:15:13.900 this is other people who wrote about these scenarios where like a chief from a tribe came

00:15:20.180 in and wanted to meet with the, the man that, that God appointed as a future leader. And that's

00:15:26.780 why his, that's why his warriors couldn't kill him. That was someone else's account, not George

00:15:31.520 Washington's. In fact, when that occurred, George Washington sat at the campfire and never even said

00:15:36.880 a word. Right. And he just listened and that was it, you know, and it's just, I don't know, man,

00:15:43.040 it's fascinating. And if you ever get a chance to go to the Capitol, a lot of people don't realize

00:15:48.340 this, but, and, and I know, I don't think this is, I don't know. I don't think this is a negative

00:15:53.100 thing. I think it's, it's just a Testament of how he was seen. Um, look at the murals and the

00:16:00.940 paintings of him in, in the Capitol and the library of Congress, people really felt he was

00:16:07.400 divine. He was a divine person and you'll, and he's, he's depicted that way has almost like a,

00:16:14.980 you know, godly in nature. Angelic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, um, just a fascinating man,

00:16:22.220 fascinating story, man. It gets me fired up, makes me so happy to be an American. Right. And

00:16:27.380 to be associated with such a, an amazing country. I mean, that's part of the reason I get so

00:16:33.240 frustrated. You see all these people and they hate America. Like, I don't think just because

00:16:37.600 you disagree with current policy or, or a different way that that means you hate America,

00:16:43.380 like some political pundits and talking heads might say i don't i don't agree with that just

00:16:49.940 by default but yeah there are people who hate america and and there's politicians who hate

00:16:56.880 america not that they want to create a better more prosperous of freedom and liberty in the

00:17:02.600 pursuit of happiness but they want to completely undermine it with communism socialism third

00:17:07.880 worldism buddhism islam like this is not what our country was founded on and i i'm disheartened to

00:17:18.720 say the least and i'm angry really angry with it because if you start actually what took place and

00:17:26.260 what transpired yeah they're they're flawed human beings okay george washington was quick to anger

00:17:32.480 He had a temper like nobody.

00:17:34.360 He was vain at times.

00:17:36.300 I mean, look at what he wore.

00:17:37.700 He showed up to the Second Continental Congress in a military uniform before he was even dubbed general of the colonies.

00:17:46.500 I was going to say militia, but army at that point.

00:17:51.060 He was pretentious.

00:17:52.720 He was vain.

00:17:53.940 He was ambitious.

00:17:56.080 He was egotistical.

00:17:58.020 He was quick to anger.

00:17:59.480 and also he was good and righteous and believed in freedom and liberty in the pursuit of happiness

00:18:10.120 and wanted the best for this country and convicted and willing to make sacrifices for his beliefs

00:18:17.380 so yeah they weren't perfect they owned slaves they in a lot of ways they were less than you

00:18:25.240 stellar examples of what it means to be a man, but also in a lot of ways, they were way better

00:18:29.680 than us, way better than us. Yeah. Yeah. Love it, man. Should we get to questions?

00:18:37.840 Finally, if you ask me anything, you might address some questions.

00:18:41.820 All right. Foster Dan B. I've got guys I text and guys I grab beers with, but nobody who would

00:18:50.320 actually call me out if I was making bad decisions. Uh, can't relate to that foster. Uh, how do you

00:18:57.300 tell the difference between friends and brothers and how do you go about finding the second kind

00:19:03.080 in your forties? I, I feel like I've talked about this a lot. Um, I should have something that I

00:19:11.600 wrote just last night actually. And I'm going to do a little bit more in depth on this, but

00:19:17.100 let me pull up something that i was considering i wrote this down hey there's there's five types

00:19:27.700 again this is something i was just kind of brainstorming and and kind of teasing out a

00:19:32.120 little bit but there's five types of friends that a man has okay so number one there's the

00:19:39.320 convenient friend and the convenient friend is the guy who comes to you when he struggle or he

00:19:46.480 has a need, or he's, you know, his wife said something that he needs to work through, or he's

00:19:50.720 dealing with a financial hardship and he needs a loan or whatever. And so he'll pat you on the

00:19:55.860 back, belly up with you and do all the things when it's expedient for him. Okay. That's the

00:20:01.340 convenient kind of superficial, but they're looking to take, not give. That's more what it is.

00:20:08.360 They're, they're a consumer, not a producer in the friendship. Okay. Then you have the default

00:20:12.500 and these aren't in any order, but you have the default and I'm looking at my notes here,

00:20:15.780 but you have the default. And the default is an inherent friend. So it might be your brother.

00:20:22.980 It might be a brother-in-law because you married into the family. It might be your neighbor because

00:20:28.320 he happens to be the next door neighbor. It might be somebody who you work with because you're just

00:20:35.780 in proximity eight to 10 hours a day. And so this is the default friend and they're good. They serve

00:20:40.420 their purpose, but they're the default friend. Doesn't usually go too deep unless deliberate

00:20:45.000 and intentional about it, but you know, they're there just because they're in proximity. So the

00:20:50.660 default friend. Okay. Next is you have the clown and the clown is just there. They just want to

00:20:57.540 have fun. And as long as it's fun, as long as it's light, as long as it's easy, there's no

00:21:01.900 inconveniences. There's no hardship. There's no deep conversations. We're just here to have a

00:21:07.060 good time. We're going to go to the lake. We're going to go to the concert. We're going to drink

00:21:10.400 a few beers or make so-and-so to the bachelor party. Again, these people all serve a purpose,

00:21:16.940 okay? But that's the clown. They're not there for anything deep and meaningful. They just want to

00:21:21.740 have a good time. And when the good times end, they're out. And then you have two. So those are

00:21:29.740 the three that I would say are on the left side of the spectrum, the lower side of the spectrum,

00:21:34.680 okay and then you have the right side of the spectrum two people two types of friends that

00:21:40.640 exist in this in this spectrum so the first is what I would call the ghost and I'm not even

00:21:47.360 saying that as a bad thing but the ghost is somebody that you admire from a distance right

00:21:51.480 so it's like I'm going to read up on George Washington I'm going to follow David Goggins

00:21:57.180 I'm going to really read up on what Jocko Willink has to say or what Jordan Peterson has to say or

00:22:03.680 what this person's book says or this person's email sends to me or this person's course or

00:22:09.480 that person's conference. And that's a ghost. And we look at that person and we have respect

00:22:15.640 and admiration and they inspire us and they motivate us. And we're going to be deliberate

00:22:20.560 about who the ghost is, but they're not really in proximity. We're just picking up their stuff,

00:22:26.920 being intentional and maybe even a bit through osmosis. Then further to the scale on the right

00:22:33.840 hand side is what I would call the 2am friend. And the 2am friend is the guy who, if you called

00:22:40.560 at 2am and you said, Hey bro, I'm struggling. He would pick up that text. He would pick up that

00:22:46.360 phone call. I think you're one of these types of skip is if I called you up, as long as your phone

00:22:53.060 wasn't on silent, but if I called you up at two, I'm like, bro, I'm struggling. I need your help.

00:22:59.400 I need you down here. I think you'd probably be to be with within 12 hours. Yeah. You know,

00:23:05.700 I can be reasonable as well. Yeah. But I think that's also why I keep my ringer off.

00:23:10.740 Right. Well, exactly. That's why I threw that caveat in there. I'm just joking.

00:23:18.300 Would be that to you. Right. So that's a 2am friend. That's the guy who's like,

00:23:22.300 he he's vested yeah yeah he he wants something out of the relationship but he's willing to pour

00:23:28.580 more into the relationship than he gets out of it um he realizes that you're not only but what

00:23:34.020 i would call a brother like this person talked about and uh he's he's willing to go deep you

00:23:40.120 know he's he doesn't need to always be fun and games and roses he'll go through the hardship

00:23:45.040 with you he'll suffer with you um he'll tell you things that maybe aren't comfortable you know i

00:23:51.520 sent a text last night that potentially risks some element of the relationship but i was like

00:23:59.020 this is what i think he needs to hear so i'm gonna say it yeah and that requires boldness on my part

00:24:05.480 and it also requires humility and grace on my part and by the way that goes both ways like you've

00:24:11.980 sent me messages and you've said things to me where i'm like like fuck off at first but i'm like

00:24:16.600 no that's actually good that's good information for me to have so i think we need to do is to

00:24:22.900 move from the left side of the spectrum with the clown and in the joker and the you know

00:24:27.400 and move over to the 2 a.m type and what that requires to answer your question is intentionality

00:24:34.540 because every that exists on the left side of that friendship spectrum for men

00:24:38.860 again let me just pull it up here the convenient the default and the clown

00:24:43.660 exists as in a vacuum. It's just like what happens when you aren't deliberate and intentional about

00:24:50.720 it. But when you start becoming deliberate and intentional about, Hey, where are the guys that

00:24:55.980 I want to spend time with? What are the conversations they're having? Let me go ahead

00:25:01.480 and just ask a deep question. If I asked, if I asked 10 men, a deep question, three of them

00:25:08.060 would go deep with me. And the other seven would be like, nah, I don't, I'm not comfortable with

00:25:12.000 this and they'd bail. And that lets me know those are on the left side, the three who answered

00:25:16.900 they're closer to center or the right side. So I think it just takes a lot of effort on your part

00:25:22.160 to move from the default to the intentional. Yeah. I love it. And I love the call to action

00:25:28.020 to go first a little bit, right? I, this has happened to be even in the iron council where,

00:25:32.940 you know, I'm on a battle team and I just felt like we were superficial and it was really

00:25:40.820 tempting for me to sit back and go, Oh, these guys are all superficial. But instead I paused

00:25:47.160 and went, am I being superficial? I am actually, I am not being as authentic with them and raw

00:25:54.920 about what I'm dealing with. So guess what I'm going to do? I'm going to apologize for how I've

00:25:59.500 been showing up. I'm going to admit some concerns that I have and open up to the group. And what

00:26:05.240 did they do they all opened up right so like the main thing is you know and you know right i know

00:26:13.580 like i love the the framework that you gave because i know those guys and i know some of

00:26:18.280 those guys on the left side of that spectrum they're not going to operate with me in that way

00:26:26.020 they just not and it's fine if you know it right like if you know the clown and you're like cool

00:26:31.820 I can go have a great time at the lake with this guy.

00:26:35.160 That's cool.

00:26:36.280 But I'm going to compartmentalize, say that's what that friendship is for.

00:26:41.180 But something deep, deep is over here.

00:26:44.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:46.460 I love it, man.

00:26:47.320 I love it.

00:26:48.000 All right, next question by Salas Marchetti.

00:26:53.660 What's a piece of feedback about yourself you resisted for years before finally accepting it was true?

00:27:01.820 that I'm an asshole. Um, man, that's a good one. I mean, that's, I was joking about that,

00:27:14.400 but it's also partially true. I'm, I'm very convicted. I'm very, I'm very black and white.

00:27:22.500 i'm very convicted when i make a choice my choice is made i don't deviate i don't

00:27:31.380 go off track and if i do i get back on the track or even if i do i know it's wrong

00:27:36.340 i'll say that as well um but i go hard and i don't have time for bullshit and

00:27:44.420 And in my younger years, I didn't really care about what anybody else thought of that.

00:27:51.820 Like, fuck off.

00:27:53.160 If you're not with me, you're against me.

00:27:56.080 And what I realize now is that there's some nuance there.

00:28:01.040 That people's feelings actually matter.

00:28:05.420 That the way people perceive you, the right people, the way they perceive you is important.

00:28:10.180 And you ought to be aware of that because that helps you build the influence that you need.

00:28:15.140 And if you try to bully and railroad everybody, you might get, you'll probably get some stuff done, but you'll lift your head up and realize no messes around you.

00:28:24.820 And I want to get a lot done, but I also want to get a lot done with other people.

00:28:30.680 I want other people, for example, enlisted in this.

00:28:34.820 I want them to be involved in this because if I go down or I'm not interested or I mean even even

00:28:43.200 if I am still enlisted and even if I am still excited about what we're doing I can't grow this

00:28:49.680 to the level I want to by myself it's impossible and if I just stomp all over everybody in order

00:28:57.480 to get what I want then it might work in the short I think it will work in a lot of ways in

00:29:02.720 the short term, but I don't think it'll work long-term. And so, yeah, I've had a lot of people

00:29:07.620 say, why are you such a jerk? And I'm like, what are you, I'm not a jerk. I'd never, I didn't

00:29:13.180 perceive myself that way. I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm not a jerk. I've had enough

00:29:17.380 people say it to me and addressed enough consequences of being that way that I realized

00:29:22.360 maybe I am, and maybe I am a jerk. And so it's a constant battle for me of like,

00:29:28.820 i mean i like whatever i think or or say is like it is the right way this is right this is a hundred

00:29:39.040 percent right and it serves me a lot of ways it's kind of that that catch 22 where it's like no

00:29:47.160 that's what makes you successful but also maybe you're not as great as you think you are yeah

00:29:54.940 Yeah. Um, I love that you brought up an item that you resisted for years that you've accepted,

00:30:03.480 but you also realized it's still a struggle and it doesn't like it. What's interesting. It's like,

00:30:11.060 you may accept it like, Oh, all right. Maybe I am this way, but it doesn't like magically all

00:30:16.020 sudden, you know, you're not that way anymore. You're just now present to it and now you have

00:30:21.060 to work on it right yeah i'm aware of it and also i don't think i'm entirely wrong either

00:30:27.700 that's the catch right so the catch is one end of the spectrum is just being a total dick to

00:30:36.560 everybody and the other is being a complete passive wimp cowardly on the other side

00:30:42.120 i have to find the middle ground i'm not saying that just because i can't take somebody else's

00:30:49.480 second opinion in a way that I could not maybe 10, 15, 20 years ago that I'm wrong. I still think

00:30:57.020 I'm good. If I didn't think I was right, I would have a different opinion. Yeah. Or why are you

00:31:02.380 doing what you're doing if you don't think you're right? Right. Exactly. Yeah. So I still think my

00:31:07.340 way is the best way. But what I do now is I want to incorporate other people's perspective and

00:31:14.580 embrace them as my own, not to, not to play plays, but to embrace ideas that I wasn't privy to

00:31:22.500 before. So that's the balance, right? Yeah, totally. I see it. Yeah. For me, I think it's

00:31:31.860 self-centered. Yeah. I spent a lot of my life very much focused on myself and with all these

00:31:41.760 reasons and excuses and woe is me and just the world revolving around me all the time.

00:31:48.840 And I always had a really good reason for not serving others and caring and loving them how I

00:31:57.500 probably should have been because I was just focused about me and me getting mine, if that

00:32:02.700 makes sense. And so I didn't see that for a really long time. And it was pointed out to

00:32:11.700 me many times and i'm like absolutely that's not how i feel which is great because it's like well

00:32:18.240 how you feel versus what you do are two drastic things and in this idea like i even think about

00:32:25.940 this quite a bit it's like you know when you care for someone you know we'll say that right ryan do

00:32:30.680 you care about the homeless kids you know every person was like yeah i care about homeless kids

00:32:35.160 and it's like oh awesome what are you doing about it nothing okay got it you don't really care

00:32:40.300 right there's a big difference between saying what you think versus our actions and what they show

00:32:47.240 and so i always felt like man i know i love my wife i love my kids and they're important to me

00:32:53.160 but there's a big difference between that and and my actions and my actions are very

00:32:59.800 self-centered so and and i actually think it hasn't gone away it's still very much of a natural

00:33:05.820 default for me. And I have to check myself quite a bit in regards to what I'm focused on. And to

00:33:13.780 your point too, it's like, yeah, but the things I'm working on are really important things that

00:33:17.980 I need to, you know, but if I'm not careful, I'll kind of operate in my own little world and forget

00:33:24.520 those that I love. You know, as you were saying that, I wrote three things down here. There's

00:33:31.440 three things, there's probably more, but there's three things that immediately come to mind that

00:33:35.440 don't lie about what's important to you what what do you think they are just on the fly just put you

00:33:41.080 on the spot a little bit three things action well actions for sure well actions sure but like let's

00:33:47.180 get a little more okay no you're not wrong okay so actions okay what else um your calendar right

00:33:56.340 like or what you prioritize or schedule at least right and then actions i i think are downstream to

00:34:02.400 that. Uh, and then probably language. I don't know. Those are the things that come to mind.

00:34:08.780 Yeah. Yeah. So here's, here's what I wrote. Three things, your calendar, which I tie to action,

00:34:15.240 just like you did. Action is downstream of your calendar. So show me your calendar. I know what's

00:34:22.280 important to you. Show me your calendar. Number two, your bank account. Show me your bank account.

00:34:27.040 i'll i will like where you spend money yeah yeah what's very important to you and the third is your

00:34:34.480 body i if if i can look at your body and i can know how disciplined how committed how dedicated

00:34:40.840 how sacrificial how excited you are i can tell everything nine percent certainty now look there's

00:34:47.120 exceptions right somebody has a medical condition and they're they've got a you know an inoperable

00:34:52.440 brain tumor am i going to say that's a lazy sack of crap no they have an inoperable brain tumor

00:34:57.420 i'm saying but i have to throw that disclaimer out there because there's inevitably a person

00:35:01.240 says well what about you know what i'm talking about okay yeah yeah there's three things that

00:35:06.480 don't lie your calendar your bank account your body everything else is manipulatable

00:35:11.400 is that a word manipulatable able to be manipulated let's say it that way yeah there

00:35:18.100 you go we could well in southern utah we can just make up our own words so like like uh hurricane

00:35:24.540 yeah like george g-dub you know and it's like yeah the words and and candace owens a lot isn't

00:35:30.700 apparently allowed to get away with it as well uh you just make up your own word say it with

00:35:35.380 conviction and then people are like that must be a word done yeah done you know um just a quick

00:35:41.740 little riff on this i want to get your thoughts about this years ago um i was meeting with a

00:35:47.640 highly successful, um, entrepreneur, you know, he's grown a business, a hundred employees plus,

00:35:53.380 I mean, just killing it, just killing it. And we were talking about company mission and values

00:36:00.460 and, you know, formulating them and coming up with them or whatever. Right. And before the

00:36:07.860 conversation wrapped up, he goes, but you understand that these literally aren't the

00:36:12.820 values, right? And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, well, they're not tested.

00:36:19.680 Values are downstream to what you do when things are difficult.

00:36:26.160 Then you'll know what your values are. So there's a big difference between what we aspire to,

00:36:32.800 where we want to go versus what is so. And I think we can all pause and go to your point,

00:36:40.640 look at those three things and say, what are your values? Oh, got it. My value is, you know,

00:36:47.240 these things. And are they correct? Or is, are they what you want them to be? No, they're not.

00:36:52.900 Okay. Then you need to change actions and then byproduct of those will prove what your values

00:36:59.260 are. And I love that because it's not until we're tested it, right? It's not until it's difficult.

00:37:04.640 It's not until, you know, things are stress tested, do I really show what's important

00:37:13.300 to me?

00:37:13.920 It's easy, right, to put these high things, you know, these things on a pedestal that

00:37:20.340 are important to us when life is easy.

00:37:22.960 The hell of a lot harder when things are not going well.

00:37:26.380 And that's the true test of our character, but also our values and identity.

00:37:32.780 you know it's it's interesting you'd bring that up so i i've talked about the story and so i won't

00:37:38.340 really you know too much into depth but my stepfather who i i thought was less a stellar

00:37:43.340 example of what it meant to be a man he said something moment and i'll never forget it and

00:37:48.300 he's exactly right as he said ryan you know what because i had done something wrong and i thought

00:37:52.420 nobody would find out and he said you know character is what you do when no one's watching

00:37:57.540 yeah it's easy like it's easy to be virtuous i wouldn't even call it virtuous easy to look

00:38:08.880 virtuous when all eyes are on you because you know all the eyes are on you this is part of

00:38:15.200 the reason these people they say pray in private not because you actually have to pray and pray

00:38:20.820 because we're also supposed to be professing our faith but what i think that scripture is

00:38:26.280 actually referencing is, are you as convicted in private as you are in public? I think that's what

00:38:32.120 that scripture references. Not that you shouldn't profess your faith, but that you should be just

00:38:38.100 as faithful behind closed doors as you are in a public square. And one of the things that came

00:38:46.100 to mind, cause I just, I like, I like fighting. I like UFC is like Justin Gaethje is a prime

00:38:51.600 example of this you know that guy we we talked about it a couple weeks ago the the ufc 50

00:38:59.400 that guy is i mean he comes back from hardship he gets banged up and he gets beat up gets battered

00:39:07.960 and he just finds a way to come out on top and you can't i mean you might be able to train some

00:39:15.360 of that but i think some of that is inherent where it's like yeah you're gonna another one

00:39:19.960 george washington he had two two or three very very public humiliating defeats in fact

00:39:26.860 he he signed a a document during the french and indian war the early stages the french and indian

00:39:35.960 war and fast to his death that he didn't understand what was being signed because of

00:39:41.420 translation but he basically has said that he assassinated a foreign dignitary and i'm an

00:39:48.860 ambassador, a Frenchman signed a document that said he assassinated him though. Like those are

00:39:57.880 very, especially in a culture of honor, which is what it was 250 years ago. This, this culture of

00:40:03.300 honor was significantly more than it is today. Those are embarrassing defeats. And yet he came

00:40:10.180 out on top um and seeing in uh for duquesne embarrassed or for necessity excuse me um the

00:40:19.500 duquesne river embarrassing when he lost new york in the early stages of the revolutionary war

00:40:24.920 and he had to retreat across i believe it was the hudson river yeah and by the way i misspoke a

00:40:32.420 couple i said something about jets flying over the hudson was the same that he crossed during

00:40:39.940 christmas that's not true i misspoke it was the delaware that he crossed the delaware that's right

00:40:44.720 on the west side right to and what i'm sorry on the west side of new york yeah so yeah yeah closer

00:40:52.360 down i believe towards what was then pennsylvania i don't know if the boundary down still the same

00:40:57.480 to kill new jersey german haitian scenarios on christmas day he ended up killing 22 uh 22

00:41:06.240 uh german mercenaries and taking over 900 captive to change the tide of the revolutionary war we

00:41:13.480 wouldn't have america if it weren't for that move by the way because they were just about defeated

00:41:17.700 we were just about defeated but it's what you do when nobody's watching it's what you do when the

00:41:22.860 chips are you know stacked against you that really determines who you actually are it's easy to be

00:41:28.620 virtuous when everybody's watching it's easy to be a good steward over your money when financial

00:41:34.220 abundance is raining down on you. It's easy to be a good husband when she's just amazing and

00:41:41.360 doing all the things and carrying the load. Like what do you do when it's hard? That's the real

00:41:47.540 test of who you are as a man. Yeah. Um, Dutrich, there are a dozen different guys online,

00:41:58.480 all claiming to be the voice of masculinity and half of them contradict each other how is a young

00:42:05.540 guy supposed to figure out who's actually worth listening to versus who's just selling aesthetics

00:42:11.960 yeah i think there's two okay so i actually saw this question this is a really good question so

00:42:18.740 i don't know if you know this kip but the tate brothers were arrested in miami over the weekend

00:42:23.320 did you see i saw that yeah yeah and and the the accounts to justify the arrest are like

00:42:30.940 pretty insane like oh prostitution child trafficking child sex yeah rape yeah yeah i mean

00:42:41.880 legit yeah not good this is this is not this is also not a surprise i mean they've been

00:42:49.580 arrested before for the same issues in romania the only reason these two dorks hang out in

00:42:54.540 romania is because their legal system is just broken so they come to the united states and

00:43:02.480 they do their little tour with tucker carlson and the like and and even some of these right

00:43:07.320 winged people will say they believe in conservatism but prop up the tate brothers and then they get

00:43:13.500 arrested in miami and extradited to the uk i believe i'm not sure if they've been extradited

00:43:18.120 yet or not but these are very serious allegations so you know that that is a clearly a voice

00:43:25.560 for masculinity clearly that's how they position themselves and that's the way millions literally

00:43:33.120 millions of young men have viewed it as that's what it means to be a man i think you really have

00:43:39.340 to ask yourself a couple different questions and basis for who you should follow whether it's their

00:43:44.260 brothers or me or anybody else, two things. Number one, what, what is their motive? What

00:43:53.660 is their intention? Who are they propping up? Who are they serving? The Tate brothers serve

00:43:57.680 themselves. That's who they serve. They serve themselves. And then there's other people,

00:44:06.260 you know, that come to mind. Somebody like, for example, John Lovell with Warrior Poet Society.

00:44:11.420 that is a man who does not serve himself now do his interests align with the people that he's

00:44:17.900 trying to lead of course otherwise it wouldn't make a movement so the interests are aligned

00:44:23.560 but that's a man who i believe because i know him and i broke up with him and spent time with him

00:44:28.380 who would put principle over profit

00:44:30.800 i believe that's a guy who actually believes what he's saying and i believe he actually

00:44:40.100 wants to serve other people. At the core of everything else he does, I think he wants people

00:44:45.520 to be better. And then I think there's other individuals, and I won't get into a list of

00:44:50.820 names. You guys can determine that from yourselves who are just about propping themselves up. How

00:44:55.380 do I make myself look better? How do I make more money? How do I gain more notoriety? How do I

00:45:02.300 more accolades. How do I, and that's what, that's what people want.

00:45:09.480 And you need to acknowledge that who, who are they serving? I think is probably the first

00:45:13.600 question. And the second question is what are their results? What are their results? You know,

00:45:22.800 so I'll, I'll get, I'll get really frank with you. If, if, if you said to me, Hey, I want to follow

00:45:29.360 you marriage advice to me if somebody said that I'd be like well you know take that with a grain

00:45:34.040 of salt I mean I I was married for 18 years and I can tell you what worked really really well and

00:45:41.180 I can tell you what didn't work at all and so you might say and people have like oh you're not even

00:45:45.820 married you you don't get to talk to me about that well here's the difference are they being

00:45:50.260 honest about it right because if I came to you and I said I know everything about how to create

00:45:56.200 a successful marriage. That's a lie. I'm not married. I went through a divorce. How could I

00:46:02.700 tell you that in honesty? But I can tell you if I'm being, I can tell you that I know what works

00:46:08.880 for 18 years, almost two decades. That's a long time to be married. And I know what doesn't work.

00:46:13.840 I'm honest about that. Then you can take that to heart and you can say, well, am I falling into the

00:46:20.540 same traps? Am I doing the same things? Am I struggling in the same areas? And if I am,

00:46:25.480 I know where this leads. So I think integrity is the answer. Who do they serve and are they

00:46:32.780 in integrity? And if there's discrepancy, just don't, don't follow them. Even if you're supposed

00:46:39.180 to, even if they're cool, even if their Instagram profile is awesome, just follow people. People

00:46:46.000 who want you to win and people who put integrity and failure and success. Yeah. Well, and I love

00:46:52.540 what you said, Ryan, too. And while you're at it, question all of it. Of course. Be very

00:46:58.580 careful who you follow. We're all flawed men. We don't have all our crap together. And not only

00:47:06.820 that, but even when I thought I had my crap together five years ago, I would disagree with

00:47:11.200 me five years ago. So what am I saying right now that I'm going to disagree with in another five

00:47:16.300 years as I progress as a man and learn more. Chances are really high, hopefully. So we should

00:47:23.220 all be doing the same thing. I made this post in the foundry a couple of weeks ago, and I think

00:47:28.820 it will maybe provide some value for Dutritsch here. He said, I wrote, most men spend their

00:47:35.840 lives waiting to be led. They want someone to hand them structure and a reason to care and to

00:47:41.940 be motivated. But someone that is self-leader, like someone that's a leader of themselves,

00:47:47.980 they understand something different. He is the structure. He is the reason. And he is the energy.

00:47:54.780 And he doesn't outsource what was designed for him to command. God designed you to command those

00:48:02.180 things for you, not for you to be a follower of other people and to look for them constantly

00:48:09.560 for guidance and direction.

00:48:11.300 It needs to be your guidance and direction.

00:48:13.480 Now, take it as inputs, that's perfect.

00:48:15.880 Lessons and learn and all that,

00:48:18.460 but it needs to be yours.

00:48:20.700 Otherwise, what happens is these men fall off the pedestal

00:48:24.180 and what then?

00:48:26.420 What then?

00:48:28.620 You're gonna be left into yourself,

00:48:30.660 lost because you don't know what to do

00:48:32.460 because we became too dependent

00:48:34.760 on seeking guidance and direction from others.

00:48:39.220 So, and I'm not saying we shouldn't be open to learning from others,

00:48:42.380 but be very careful when we use this term follow, in my opinion, anyway.

00:48:49.800 Yeah, I think follow should be, like you said, I like the word input.

00:48:56.200 I think, and there's also a difference between questioning.

00:49:02.080 Okay, no, I'll say it this way.

00:49:04.080 There's a difference between asking questions and questioning.

00:49:08.220 Would you agree with that?

00:49:10.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:11.000 Yeah, I do.

00:49:12.060 Because there are some people who are just naturally pessimistic or even deliberately pessimistic.

00:49:18.120 Well, they won't believe anything.

00:49:20.120 And it's like, look, I don't need to prove everything to you.

00:49:22.980 At some point, you've got to make some decisions.

00:49:25.620 Or maybe you just want to be bothered.

00:49:28.000 And maybe you just want this to be wrong.

00:49:30.540 But when I am asking questions,

00:49:34.880 usually what I'm asking questions about

00:49:37.160 is something I want to be right.

00:49:39.060 Like I want God to be true.

00:49:42.320 I want him to be true.

00:49:44.040 I would love, like if I knew that,

00:49:45.980 I would love to know that.

00:49:48.760 I want to know that the people who are me

00:49:51.740 are good and righteous human beings.

00:49:53.840 I want to know that the information I'm consuming

00:49:56.780 is the information i ought to be consuming and that's why i ask questions about it but questioning

00:50:04.020 on the other hand is just pessimism yeah just negative it's yeah it's you're actually looking

00:50:09.960 for it to be wrong you've in fact maybe you've already decided it's wrong without evidence and

00:50:16.160 now you're trying to poke holes in it and that's what most people do on media they've already made

00:50:20.320 the decision that whatever they're talking about is wrong and they're just trying to prove to

00:50:24.500 themselves so they feel better about it, that they're wrong. So I really think you should

00:50:32.400 question, but questioning is something I would consider different. Maybe it's semantics. I'm

00:50:37.900 just using those terms to convey a concept is all. Yeah. Yeah. Good point. All right. Judah Van

00:50:44.780 Camp. I make less money than my wife. I make less money than my wife and it eats me more than I want

00:50:52.720 to admit even though our marriage is otherwise solid is that just an ego i need to kill

00:50:57.960 or is there something real in a man wanting to be the primary provider

00:51:02.460 yeah of course i mean you are the protector provider and presider and i know a lot of

00:51:10.220 people are going to argue with me on this one because i don't every time i talk i've made a

00:51:14.940 post years ago and I probably worded it a little abrasively let's say but I also agreed with it

00:51:26.060 and I and I and I said something along the lines of I can't imagine the mental gymnastics and would

00:51:33.180 have to play in order for him to stay at home with his kids while his wife goes out into the

00:51:37.340 workforce now look I believe that and you know what else the data actually supports that now if

00:51:47.120 that dynamic works for you then okay but it doesn't work for you and I know that because I've

00:51:56.900 the data the overwhelming amount of issues that are caused in the marriage when a man decides he's

00:52:07.200 going to stay at home to raise his kids and his wife is going to go out into the workforce

00:52:10.460 is absurd it doesn't even make sense now financially sure and guys will say well you

00:52:19.600 know that's your ego talking no it's reality talking like you guys are going to go through

00:52:25.760 a divorce you know that right like you know that when you're like you have like if you don't know

00:52:32.980 that, or at least the likelihood of you guys going through a divorce, then you're just as plainly as

00:52:39.340 I can say ignorant to the reality of the situation. And I'll tell you why. Part of it is because of

00:52:46.180 the way that this man is feeling right now. You are not meant to sit at home and watch

00:52:54.120 punch bob and tickle fights and arts and crafts with your kids you're not you're a man you were

00:53:04.140 designed to be a protector provider and presider and your wife is designed divinely designed

00:53:11.280 to be at home to do the tickle fights to do the arts and crafts to do the nurturing

00:53:17.180 to do the supporting to rub their boo-boos that's she's designed to do that now let me throw some

00:53:26.140 caveats in here i'm not saying that she can't go into the workforce and i'm not saying that you

00:53:30.840 can't find a way that it might work for you at home but you better understand what your role is

00:53:36.700 and it's not to do arts and crafts is to take them out hunting is to teach farms to show them

00:53:43.000 how to build buildings. It's to show them how the world works. I don't think you can do that as well

00:53:47.840 if you're not in the world. What do you know about the corporate environment if you're not

00:53:52.840 in the corporate environment? And also, help me understand this. It's okay for a woman. She's

00:54:01.080 empowered when a woman leaves the home with her husband and her kids because she doesn't want to

00:54:08.940 be under their thumb. And then she goes for a man who cares nothing about her. Like, help me

00:54:14.140 understand that. Help me understand why you're under the thumb of a man when you partner with

00:54:20.100 him as his wife and you raise your Jesus righteously and you make that home beautiful

00:54:26.860 and a sanctuary and a lovely place for your kids to be and your husband to come home to.

00:54:33.320 and that's disempowering but going into a workforce where your boss says you have to

00:54:39.220 be here at eight and you can't leave till five and if you want to go to little timmy's baseball

00:54:43.280 game or little sally's dance recital then i'm going to dock you you're going to get points

00:54:47.160 and you might get fired or get demoted and how that's not disempowering i don't understand

00:54:53.020 help help me understand that at least you're leaving and cares about you and even if he

00:54:57.960 doesn't, as least as interests are aligned. So I don't think it's going to work. Again, this comes

00:55:09.740 back to my abrasiveness, but I don't think it's going to work. I think you need to figure out a

00:55:17.460 way to make more money. I think you need to figure out a way to go out and be the protector and

00:55:22.880 provider that you have a desire to be. And I think it's worthwhile to, A, find a woman who wants to

00:55:30.720 be at home, not as a demotion in birth, but a promotion in it. And if you haven't found that

00:55:39.900 woman or you're already married to somebody, then I think it's worthwhile having a lot of good

00:55:44.340 discussions about what life would look like if she stayed at home and raised the kids and made

00:55:51.260 make us a home and turn this box of stick and mud and glue and nails into something that is lovely

00:56:02.680 and beautiful that you want to come to as a retreat from everything else the world offers

00:56:08.960 to you i think of a better thing for a woman to do that's my opinion you're just old-fashioned

00:56:17.840 you're just old-fashioned yeah i am i'm i am old-fashioned i'm a conservative i'm a

00:56:25.520 traditionalist because i think it works better and i'll even tell you i'm so convicted in this

00:56:31.640 kip i am if you guys don't believe how convicted i'm in this let me tell you this story when i

00:56:38.900 went through a divorce a little over three years ago about three and a half years ago

00:56:42.780 I made sure that my finances were arranged in a way where my ex-wife can stay at home

00:56:52.240 and homeschool my children. If you question my commitment to what I'm telling you,

00:57:01.020 you don't know the story. I could have very easily said, you're not getting this much.

00:57:05.640 You're not doing this. She could have been forced to go back to work. The kids could

00:57:09.220 have been forced to go back to school i'm that convicted that i created a financial sacrifice

00:57:17.160 a financial detriment because of how much i believe in what i just told you and i didn't

00:57:22.120 have to do that yeah yeah when i and for judah i think this really just comes down to the the

00:57:29.480 reality of it is i think if we're honest with ourselves this is where this is our default

00:57:36.800 makeup as men this is where we this is how we serve is in providing right and and this is why

00:57:45.560 i mean and like you mentioned already the statistics around this are are just insane

00:57:50.000 this is why men get depressed if they lose jobs or they're struggling financially it's not like

00:57:55.880 oh i don't have the boat it's my worth as a man is being challenged my ability to provide for my

00:58:04.800 family like my purpose is is feeling like it's in question that's why it's a big deal to men

00:58:11.980 because we're kind of built this way and what's also interesting is i mean we could talk for

00:58:17.940 another hour about all the dichotomy you know backwards thinking of society where we'll

00:58:24.820 definitely say that oh man women should be in the workforce you know you're underneath a man's thumb

00:58:29.900 if you're at home, yada, yada, yada. But that same group, guess how they'll judge a man if

00:58:35.740 they're a stay-at-home dad. You don't think that same social group is going, oh, what's wrong with

00:58:41.100 you? Yeah. They absolutely do. And they're talking to your wife about it, telling her that you're a

00:58:49.100 loser. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So this is, I don't know. There's many angles to this that makes this

00:58:57.840 very, very difficult. And the fact that Judah, that you're asking this question tells me that

00:59:03.300 it does bother you, you know, and so what, what can you do about it? Right. And, and don't follow

00:59:09.200 to the social things about, you know, that you wanting to provide your, for your family is some

00:59:16.640 evil, bad thing. I think you brought up a good point, Kip. Like I went hard on that because

00:59:23.940 again i believe it to be true so let's let's just say the dynamic works because i'm not stupid right

00:59:31.160 like i'm also pragmatic about it yeah yeah so let's say she's uh an np a nurse practitioner

00:59:37.460 or maybe she's even a doctor and she's out there making 200 grand a year and you know you're an

00:59:44.660 entry-level apprentice doing electrical work you're making 60 a year like let's not be stupid

00:59:51.720 either right yeah but in the meantime okay she's out there making her money and doing the thing

00:59:59.000 and helping with the family i promise number one she's going to be resentful over time like

01:00:03.460 in 10 years she's going to be pissed at you because you stole all of her years that she

01:00:09.720 had with her babies or maybe she didn't even have kids and she's upset about that like i promise you

01:00:15.740 that's going to happen. There's some, yeah, some resentment building. Of course. Um, you wouldn't

01:00:21.940 feel that way if you had to go out in the workforce and she stayed at home, but she will feel that

01:00:27.360 if she has to go out in the workforce and you get to stay home with the kids, I promise you,

01:00:32.640 but use the time, just use the time wisely. Do some online schooling, get, get, get some

01:00:41.240 credentials. When I went to Iraq, I took all of my licensing stuff back to Iraq with me. And a lot

01:00:45.980 of guys were, some guys were studying, some guys were improving their lives. Some guys were improving

01:00:49.880 their military career and that's great. And some guys were just wasting time watching endless

01:00:55.280 amounts of 24. That was the, that was the show at the time, 24 with, uh, Kiefer, Kiefer Sutherland.

01:01:03.720 Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so that's how they chose to spend their time. But I took all of my study

01:01:10.100 materials for the insurance exams for my, my investment exams. And so in between shifts,

01:01:15.940 I was studying and I came back and passed those exams. And over the course of eight years,

01:01:20.720 when I got back, I built this really lucrative financial planning process or practice that

01:01:26.560 turned into what it is today with, with order of man, because I use my time wisely. So if you're

01:01:33.420 at a season in your life where it does practically make sense for her to be out working and for you

01:01:39.300 not to. Okay. I can understand that, but always be improving your situation in your station and

01:01:45.460 get to a point that's going to be more advantageous for you and your family and you out earning the

01:01:52.280 paycheck is going to be way better statistically even than your wife doing it. Well, and how great

01:01:59.440 is it if, if let's say she's working, she's a career woman. And then she says, Hey, you know,

01:02:04.900 Jude, I want to have kids that you can go. No problem. Okay. We will make that happen. Right.

01:02:11.580 I'm in a position where we can flip things around. You can stay at home and we have options available

01:02:16.520 to us. But if you're not doing that, you may not ever have those options. Right. Or, or growing a

01:02:22.960 family may not even be on the table for you, or you may assume that it's not on the table. I think

01:02:27.060 it's always on the table, but, um, you might assume it's not on the table, um, because of

01:02:32.160 your position right in your station so yeah i mean having kids is not a very marketable skill

01:02:38.660 it's a beautiful thing i'm wrong it's just not a real marketable one yeah totally all right well

01:02:46.200 call to action connect with mr mickler on x and instagram at ryan mickler and always always uh

01:02:53.720 you can learn more about the iron council our our men's group that's the iron council.com

01:02:58.960 to learn more any dates for another preview call or any other call to action right from your

01:03:03.680 perspective august 12th let me look here yes yep wednesday august 12th at 8 p.m eastern so if you

01:03:15.300 want to get registered and signed up for that we're about three weeks out um yeah about three weeks

01:03:20.620 out then head to orderofman.com slash preview and you can do that figured out but yeah we'd love to

01:03:28.720 see there. Actually, I think it's theironcouncil.com slash preview is what it is. Theironcouncil.com

01:03:34.320 slums preview. So check that out. And I'd love to see you on that preview call. Excellent.

01:03:40.100 All right, guys, appreciate you. Good questions today. And hopefully you as always some things

01:03:45.340 to consider and chew on. I don't think I'm always right, but 99% of the time I am. So I hope you

01:03:51.680 take it. I'm only saying that in the spirit of what I know I'm good at and not good at.

01:03:56.780 that. Um, I'm probably 80%. I'll give myself a B and you guys can determine for yourself

01:04:05.120 because ultimately you have to live consequences of your choices, not so I hope I give you

01:04:11.980 something to consider. And I know Kip, you always do as well. You are my better half

01:04:16.020 when it comes to the podcasting. I just don't take a stance on anything. So I'm always right

01:04:21.260 or always wrong, depending on how you look. All right, guys, appreciate you. We'll be back on

01:04:28.760 Friday. We're going to be talking about something on Friday. I haven't recorded yet. What was it?

01:04:36.160 It's really good. I don't know. I can't remember, but I promise you it's good. I've got the framework

01:04:42.660 in my phone right now and I'll be recording this afternoon. So make sure you turn in for whatever

01:04:48.580 the hell it is I'm going to be talking about on a Friday.

01:04:53.420 All right, guys, go out there, take action,

01:04:55.440 and become the man you are meant to be.

01:04:58.240 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:05:01.200 If you're ready to take charge of your life

01:05:02.820 and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:05:05.220 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 22, 2026

3 Things That Don't Lie： Bank Account, Calendar, Scale ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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