Order of Man - KEITH YACKEY ｜ The 5 Dials of a Better Marriage

00:00:00.000 guys men think that attraction is just something that happens to them or was gifted to them or

00:00:07.180 bestowed upon them uh it maybe it's a switch that their wife either flips on or off or doesn't

00:00:14.100 but yaki my guest today really brings that idea to the ground after a divorce he built a framework

00:00:21.620 around untruth it's really hard for men to accept is that you don't get what you want you get what

00:00:29.260 you are. And if she's not leaning in anymore, that's not really a mystery, or at least it

00:00:35.220 shouldn't be. It's more like a mirror into the type of man that you have become. Guys, in this

00:00:41.280 conversation, Keith and I break down the five dials that every man is quietly, I was going to

00:00:47.800 say failing, but maybe not living up to. That's parent, partner, producer, player, and power.

00:00:53.340 we'll talk about that and he also gives you the exact language to rate yourself

00:00:58.420 those five dials we get into why scheduling sex can actually build more desire than spontaneity

00:01:05.520 ever will and why quote i'm doing it for you is the worst thing that a man can say in marriage

00:01:13.060 we also talk about the guys who stop chasing anything eventually get left in the dust this

00:01:21.200 isn't me. This isn't just hyperbole or clever platitudes. It's the same math and system and

00:01:28.340 process that Keith used to go from a teen on that score in the five dials to 100 and the best

00:01:35.900 marriage of his life. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears

00:01:41.380 and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every

00:01:47.100 time. You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life.

00:01:54.040 This is who you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day. And after all

00:01:58.960 is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:02:05.960 Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. I am your host, Ryan Michler, and also the

00:02:10.560 founder of this movement. Very excited that you're joining us today. Keith and I did our

00:02:15.000 very first in-person interview in my new podcast studio. And although it's not 100% up to speed,

00:02:21.760 we're going to keep growing this and building this. And I think it's going to add a new dynamic

00:02:25.920 to what we're doing for Order of Man and specifically this podcast. Now, before I drop

00:02:32.200 into that podcast, just want to mention my friends over at Montana Knife Company,

00:02:36.040 I'm putting together a video for their new folding knife called the Montana.

00:02:40.240 and I hesitated to tell this to you but I did want to tell you in full transparency

00:02:45.580 as I was putting together this video I wanted to test as much as I could about this knife

00:02:52.080 and I put it to test and I wanted to see what it would take to break it and I figured it out

00:03:00.680 but you know what I'm telling you it lasted a lot more scrutiny than I thought it would

00:03:05.900 and i think more than just about any knife might do out there and i was very very impressed with

00:03:13.100 the level of abuse and neglect and downright just criminality against my new knife so

00:03:24.960 uh if you're looking for a good knife and i promise you you will not do what i did to this

00:03:30.760 then look no further than montananifecompany.com. They've got their folding knife, but they've also

00:03:37.480 got a lot of fixed blades and I've got probably 20 laying around the house and in my garage and

00:03:42.900 I use these on all of my hunts and I use them when I cook and I use them in everyday situations and

00:03:48.420 I break them and beat them up and put them to the test and I have not found a better knife than what

00:03:54.740 these guys create. Check it out. Montana knife company.com use the code order of man and you'll

00:04:01.120 save a significant amount of money when you do. All right. Let me introduce you to my guest. His

00:04:06.500 name is Keith Yackey, a good, good friend of mine. He's the founder of married game and the host of

00:04:11.620 the married game podcast where he teaches men like you and I, how you build attraction, intimacy,

00:04:17.700 and leadership in your relationship after his own divorce it forced him to confront the fact that he

00:04:26.380 was the common denominator in his own failures and he rebuilt his approach to relationships from

00:04:34.220 rock bottom from the ground up and he's developed frameworks like the five dials and the practice

00:04:40.620 of intentionality self-led living not relying on her that have since helped thousands of men at

00:04:47.400 this point repair marriages that many had just written off or their wives had written off.

00:04:53.540 Keith's work centers around a simple premise that attraction isn't owed to you. It's earned

00:04:59.540 daily and through the married game and it's coaching programs that I've personally been

00:05:04.340 through myself and also just daily content, podcasting, newsletters, that's saying,

00:05:08.700 reaching out to men. Keith teaches that becoming a man worth following

00:05:13.840 uh is the only path back to a thriving marriage and a thriving life he lives what he teaches

00:05:21.760 he's crediting nine years of consistency not perfection

00:05:26.560 for the incredible marriage that he had with his wife today

00:05:30.220 all right brother good to see you man dude good to have you at uh mickler manor that makes it

00:05:38.800 sound way better than it is but this is pretty epic bro no i'm i'm stoked you're the first you're

00:05:44.520 the first person to do the uh in-person podcast so i love it i think it's gonna be awesome yeah

00:05:49.640 this is we're in the basement man we're in the basement it's a little rugged but you know we'll

00:05:53.920 we'll uh we'll grow and get better and guys will be like they'll watch the video and be like what

00:05:59.800 were they doing you know what sometimes you just got to figure things out right dude this is more

00:06:04.860 comfortable than a lot of places i'm sure you've had conversations with guys oh for sure yeah well

00:06:10.120 and the fact that it's in my house which i like yeah that's out there because you could do like

00:06:14.700 there's nothing wrong with doing it at a person's you know office space or whatever but like this is

00:06:18.720 my home yeah i bring people i care about want to hear from into my house but i got you a gift man

00:06:23.300 oh so are you familiar with montana knife company yeah dude so um yeah got you a knife these guys

00:06:30.220 support us they support the show they support every guest i have on so can i open it right now

00:06:35.240 yeah open it heck yeah dude i love it um you i don't know if i told you it's not but i spent

00:06:40.640 eight years living in montana oh what part uh bozeman area oh okay yeah how cool is this this

00:06:47.820 is uh the ultralight stoned goat i can appreciate that this is cool packaging montana knife knows

00:06:55.980 how to brand they know how to market they know how to brand and then they just make

00:06:59.560 awesome shit oh dude this wrapping paper this is

00:07:02.840 this is epic dude this is really oh yeah dude don't cut yourself on camera all right

00:07:14.560 bro and it's got the order man logo oh isn't that awesome this is this is epic thank you dude yeah

00:07:25.420 of course 100 made in america man you're like you're standing with it nice knuckle bump and

00:07:30.260 you got me yeah that it's funny because montana knife also has this i don't know if i should talk

00:07:35.760 about this but this secret underground club really um it's not very secret okay it's kind of like

00:07:41.240 fight club it's kind of like fight club you don't talk about fight club but everybody talks about

00:07:45.380 fight club can i put it right here with the logo yeah for sure so they've got this thing called

00:07:49.000 blood brothers and so if you cut if you you know kill an animal and and and break it down you're

00:07:56.480 part of the blood brother crew or if you cut yourself with the knife then you're also part

00:08:01.540 of the blood brother crew and i've cut myself with their knives yeah half a dozen ten times like yeah

00:08:06.420 i mean you're not using it if you're not cutting yourself every once in a while right but that you

00:08:11.280 could shave with that i mean they're that sharp this is really cool i this is really cool yeah

00:08:16.480 yeah i'm gonna have to probably ship it to myself because i only have i'll mail i know i'll mail it

00:08:20.840 to you perfect but this is i want to just put it up here so it's like people can see how rad it is

00:08:25.520 yeah set it in front set it right in front there there you go perfect thank you man i've been in

00:08:30.400 such a manly gift too of course i love it we do man i know i'm definitely putting that in the man

00:08:34.940 cave good good man i'm really excited to have you here you've actually stood by me and some really

00:08:40.020 dark and difficult times um you know for for me it was and you know this and and the guys know

00:08:46.020 this because i talk about it openly but um yeah when i went through my own divorce it was a dark

00:08:51.600 dark time and there's like a handful of guys that stood by me in those moments you were one of them

00:08:56.800 a couple of guys um jay gerdulo and a few other kip sorenson a few other close friends of mine

00:09:01.600 and then another one is uh bedros coolian who i know you know yeah and he's a solid guy but so

00:09:08.360 are you and i think it speaks highly of somebody when they can see a friend stumble and they don't

00:09:14.180 throw them under their bus they're like no let me let me let me rally behind you let me pour into

00:09:18.080 you so i appreciate that about you i went through it too yeah so like when you've been through

00:09:22.740 something you have a lot of empathy and you're like i know what he's feeling and and you want to

00:09:28.780 like you want to go take away the pain but you know the pain is kind of the professor that's

00:09:33.820 teaching the man where he's at on like that particular point of the path and dude you you

00:09:40.900 recently were able to kind of return the favor to me in the sense of, um, I need to help on

00:09:46.060 something. And I had a really hard time asking for help. You were like, bro. And you said

00:09:52.640 something. So, uh, you okay if I share this? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Okay. So I, I was looking

00:09:57.660 for some guys to help me with some, uh, something, and I was having a really hard time receiving

00:10:02.440 and you're like, dude, can I reframe this for you? And it really, the, I've heard people say

00:10:08.120 something like it but the way you said it like it like just hit that tuning fork inside my soul

00:10:13.540 and you're like when does a man feel most valuable and I was like basically when and you're like

00:10:20.760 when he's able to help and solve a problem and be of value to someone like dude I get to be of

00:10:27.540 value to you right now like how good do you think that makes me feel and I was like yeah that's

00:10:32.180 exactly how I feel when I help I always want to be the one helping though you know so dude you

00:10:36.400 brought me to tears and you're like you okay bro i'm like i'm good but i'm not used to receiving

00:10:40.960 and that that really opened up a lot for me this last couple of weeks you doing that for me so

00:10:46.620 thank you for that yeah and that's to me like brothers yeah that's what it's all about just

00:10:50.960 helping each other out a lot of it doesn't get plastered on social media or put out on a podcast

00:10:55.200 and there's so much that goes on behind the scenes the other thought i had about that and i may have

00:10:59.640 talk to you about this at that time too is you know who who are you or who am i to deny

00:11:06.600 the opportunity for another man to serve yeah that's right like imagine this okay so imagine

00:11:12.760 i i get you that montana knife box and i go here's a gift for you yeah i care about you i appreciate

00:11:18.260 you i want to show you that you're important to me and i give you this gift and you slap that

00:11:22.480 shit out of my hand you're like i don't want that yeah and you just slap it out of my hand and it

00:11:26.980 falls on the ground yeah you would never do that never but you do when somebody says hey thanks for

00:11:33.340 showing up or hey you're you know the way you show up or the way you do this or the way you do that

00:11:38.560 you're slapping a gift out of somebody's hand when you're like no no no not me no no just say

00:11:44.600 thank you i appreciate that means a lot coming from you needed to learn that yeah and that's

00:11:49.460 that's what i love about you and about kind of guys that we hang out with is we're always learning

00:11:54.360 and we're not too proud to be like hey this is where i'm really at i'm sure when you were going

00:12:00.800 through that that was a difficult moment but it's also a moment like anybody going through like a

00:12:05.640 divorce and you have like a following and people that are looking to you there's a lot of emotion

00:12:11.640 that comes up and i mean we could list the list of emotions but there's so many of them to have

00:12:16.280 a safe space where you can just go hey man this is what i'm really going through and to have

00:12:19.300 somebody would be like i got you man i've been there yeah same way like asking for help is not

00:12:25.140 something i'm good at but you weren't like you need help what the hell bro like same thing you

00:12:31.360 were just like no bro i'm i'm here for you like that that energy of always growing and always

00:12:37.420 learning i only want to hang out with people like that yeah you know what i mean do you feel like

00:12:42.040 for a lot of guys they have to hit some sort of rock bottom or desperation to do that i was just

00:12:49.380 talking with this about somebody and they're like how were you able to understand you were the

00:12:54.120 problem in your marriage when your wife left because not a lot of guys like come to that

00:12:57.960 realization they're always like yeah it was her and they talk shit on her and i said i just think

00:13:03.180 sometimes that deepness of pain really is the thing that opens you up like in a way that almost

00:13:11.480 nothing else will i just think that we're like in a good way we're so stubborn that we're always

00:13:17.740 seeing the positive everything and we're just pushing towards the positive that we don't let

00:13:21.720 perceive negative things like bother us but sometimes you you run out of options you're just

00:13:28.420 like i there's no there's positive because eventually i'm gonna make it out of this but

00:13:32.440 right now there's a lot of darkness and a lot of pain and that's what like tends to wake man up

00:13:37.840 how do you how do you though i mean i agree with you right like if if your wife comes to you and

00:13:44.700 says i'm out of here and both of us have had that experience like instantly i got sober like in a

00:13:51.160 matter of three seconds i got sober yeah um or if you're dealing with a medical situation or a

00:13:57.900 bankruptcy or you lose your job or your business goes under yeah obviously but like is there a way

00:14:04.540 that you can i don't know like like manufacture that before something catastrophic happens

00:14:12.820 because i don't want i don't want to suffer myself and i don't want other men to suffer

00:14:16.840 needlessly too many of us do how do you create it before you hit you know rock bottom i don't know

00:14:24.960 if you can if i'm being honest i'm i'm like thinking of examples of if i know anybody who's

00:14:30.660 done that here's where I think you can avoid some needless suffering and that is okay if I went

00:14:40.600 through this and you went through this and we didn't wake up and it happened again we'd be like

00:14:45.900 bro you didn't learn your lesson you I think it's it's it's seen is so the reason I reached out to

00:14:53.000 you is because I was having some issues with my marketing at the beginning at the beginning of my

00:14:56.380 funnel and getting guys in the back end of my business it's still crank and things are really

00:15:00.900 healthy there but i'm like if i don't fix the front end the back end is going to go away

00:15:05.260 well that's happened to me before so this is like the second or third time this has happened

00:15:10.140 so it's like okay stop you used to not reach out and just pull yourself up and figure it out

00:15:17.320 now you can reach out to friends who have figured it out and so this time going through it has been

00:15:22.740 way less painful because now i'm reaching out right and saying hey guys all right i've got a

00:15:27.880 pattern i got to address this so i think it's the the the if you keep bouncing on the bottom

00:15:34.020 it's like when are you gonna figure this out that's my pattern i don't know maybe that's not

00:15:39.020 for everybody no i mean i think it's something healthy to look at if you if you fear yourself

00:15:43.720 making the same mistakes over and over again you know it's it's like the adage the guy who

00:15:49.460 you know perpetually dates women or uh bounces from job to job he's like everybody all my bosses

00:15:55.640 are assholes yeah all women are bitches i'm like you're the only common denominator in this

00:16:01.060 scenario so when are you going to realize maybe it's not the woman maybe it's not the boss maybe

00:16:05.180 it's yeah it's you i think because your wife either left you or threatened to leave you before

00:16:11.540 that was this was like the second time right yeah so that was but that was this would be this was

00:16:16.440 my second divorce so i was like oh hold on that was exactly what went through my mind i said wait

00:16:20.920 a second i'm the only common denominator here so that made me just be like and it wasn't like i was

00:16:27.800 able to embrace it right away like because that was one of the things that came out of when jesse

00:16:32.340 left me um was oh i'm the problem dang it like that is almost no men can say that they have such

00:16:40.100 a hard time with that one yeah and even if you do say it even if guys recognize it it's hard to know

00:16:46.220 what to do. Yeah. Because I've talked to so many men who know that they'll acknowledge like, Hey,

00:16:51.460 I know I've got a part to play in this or, or the, or the thing that I often heard when I was in the

00:16:57.040 throes of my alcohol abuse and, and with the divorce is guys are like, well, see your shit

00:17:01.300 doesn't work. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, don't misunderstand what I've been talking

00:17:05.980 about for the past 10 years works. That's not the issue. The issue is that even if you know

00:17:12.580 100% what to do you're still a man and you will fall short and you will deviate yeah and it's

00:17:18.960 like it's like watching a football team let's say a passing team and they get to the playoffs and

00:17:24.580 they're undefeated and they've been passing short game maybe just like 10 20 yard passes and they're

00:17:30.160 just really good at it yeah and they get to the playoffs and they start running yeah it's like

00:17:35.640 what are you what are you doing like yeah this is what you're good at why are why do you can

00:17:39.820 why do you deviate but we do as men like things go really really well we're like oh cool we're

00:17:44.320 good and i think a lot of it is ego like i'm untouchable now i got i got this shit figured

00:17:49.000 out yeah well i would dare say that since you've been through your divorce and then me having

00:17:55.580 jesse leave me and then getting her back i think it's almost i don't want to say it's a better

00:18:00.940 story because like we're trying to get a better story but i would say that you're probably more

00:18:06.800 effective as a leader now having gone through that than before you went through it oh for sure

00:18:11.160 same because like a lot of guys the reason they relate to me or tune in when i talk about hey how

00:18:15.280 do you get your ex back or how do you get the sex back and how do you actually have a thriving

00:18:19.040 marriage they listen to me because i go let me tell you i fucked everything up worse than all

00:18:25.560 you guys and now i have the best marriage of anybody i know so that's a big have you ever

00:18:31.440 heard that saying like the the best coaches aren't the ones that have all the natural genetics like

00:18:35.860 i had a bodybuilding coach at one time he's like the reason i'm such a good coach is because i had

00:18:39.680 such shit genetics so to build what i had to build i had to work harder and figure out how the thing

00:18:44.680 actually works i feel like men need guys like you and i who have royally fucked up in major ways

00:18:52.800 even though i knew better dude i knew better i knew of course you did i mean we all know better

00:18:57.860 we all i knew better but but i didn't see it like it wasn't real it was like i knew you have to water

00:19:04.500 a plant so it doesn't go brown but for some reason i wasn't watering my plant i wasn't watering jesse

00:19:09.760 i wasn't i didn't make her feel like a priority and she's just like i'm not gonna do this shit

00:19:13.900 anymore bro so i feel like the the there's almost like the universe is like a these guys need to

00:19:20.760 realize that even the guys who are good at this stuff they still make mistakes like tom brady

00:19:27.600 doesn't win the super bowl every fucking year he loses games right they isn't it like every year

00:19:32.660 on espn they're talking about how back when the patriots like they're they're gonna suck this year

00:19:36.940 and then they come back and they win the super bowl like oh there's it's almost like we need

00:19:41.520 good stories to wrap our attention in to actually like pay attention well but i yeah and i i agree

00:19:46.760 with that and i also think you know if you watch any good movie you know um some of my favorite

00:19:52.820 movies let's take top two is probably like braveheart right that's gonna be on every man's

00:19:57.840 top three patriot gladiator oh yeah matt the new maverick the newer maverick yeah like these are

00:20:05.360 all stories of you know you take you take um pete mitchell in maverick and that's a guy struggling

00:20:13.900 with a potential loss of identity as he's stepping away from the thing that he loves yeah and trying

00:20:18.960 to wrestle with a loss of identity oh yeah and then you take patriot and mel gibson's character

00:20:24.720 um is wrestling with being a single father and wrestling with the idea of breaking away from

00:20:31.740 britain and should we be loyal or should we rebel against the crown or you take gladiator and his

00:20:38.060 family was slaughtered and now he has to fight against the the very empire that he fought for

00:20:43.600 so valiantly yeah um or you take braveheart and you know he his his father and brother were killed

00:20:52.020 and his wife was killed and he's got to go now fight for freedom but all of those stories the

00:20:59.540 reason that we're so excited and thrilled by those adventures and those stories is is because of that

00:21:05.400 yeah without that it's a dumb story like yeah it's boring that's why that's why superman's so gay

00:21:12.420 like i don't like superman he's invincible he's invisible yeah that's why batman is a way better

00:21:18.460 character for sure and i know that sounds kind of nerdy and geeking out on that but the reason that

00:21:22.880 batman's a better character is because he's he has flaws yeah and sometimes he takes his

00:21:28.560 vigilantism to the limit yeah and and he can be hurt superman is invincible yeah that's lame

00:21:36.140 i agree dude that's we were just watching hunger games my daughter's 11 now so she's kind of

00:21:41.000 coming in like watching the adam sandler movies now oh yeah so like happy gilmore billy madison

00:21:45.800 oh yeah all the best classics we just watched happy gilmore 2 i was like i was like these

00:21:50.740 i haven't seen the second one oh it's so good yeah yeah you got to watch it so she's watching

00:21:55.740 all these cool movies that i want to sit down to act like yeah let's watch that one and

00:22:00.080 whenever you're whenever things aren't working out the way you want to work

00:22:04.760 things are working out you're always like what's going wrong what's this and there was a scene

00:22:09.740 where katniss was about ready to die and i was like oh that's it we only like the movies where

00:22:16.340 the hero is about ready to die she doesn't katniss doesn't know there's going to be like 17 more

00:22:20.840 hunger games and like she's going to win everything and all this she just knows in that moment she's

00:22:25.200 about ready to die and then her life got spared i feel like the more we can adopt that that's

00:22:30.400 probably what life's actually going to be more like the more at peace you can be and just like

00:22:35.320 dude, also this, the guys who don't seem to lose, they build this, you're right, like this

00:22:42.200 untouchable, almost like ego thing. And dude, you can't really do a lot. I don't think you can

00:22:49.120 really help other men that much when you have a big, crazy ego. It's almost like you want people

00:22:55.080 just to worship you rather than you to be like, how can I help you get through your thing? I think

00:23:00.880 all the guys that you and I look up to and like we like them because of the story of the struggle

00:23:05.980 but we just don't want to go through the struggle and for me I just reframed the struggle especially

00:23:10.060 in this last six months I was like bro my identity isn't because I make a lot of money my identity

00:23:14.820 isn't because my wife loves to have sex with me my identity isn't a cool car or anything that my

00:23:19.520 identity is if you hang out with me you're gonna feel loved and just because I love myself and I'm

00:23:25.540 learning to love myself more and more and just accept I think there's an acceptance piece that

00:23:29.740 you and i have been through through the pain that we've been through just accept this is who i are

00:23:33.900 who we are who i are can't be interesting i kind of like like uh pronouns i'm like them and like

00:23:40.200 trying to figure out how to use people just extra pronouns of choice i'm like what are you saying

00:23:44.280 right now yeah so you know who who i are but it's it's just this energy of like you said it you got

00:23:51.580 this big amazing worldwide podcast and you're like it's a couple of cameras and it's just

00:23:59.240 dude's talking about real shit. I think another thing that, uh, us going through what we going,

00:24:06.420 what we went through and what we share is that's what everybody's going through.

00:24:13.080 The guys listening to this, if, you know, I don't know how we're going to title this particular

00:24:16.940 podcast or whatever, but you know, I do one thing. I help guys get their wives when I have sex with

00:24:22.080 them. So if they're like, man, I'm, this isn't working. They can listen to a guy that goes,

00:24:26.700 oh yeah did you do this this this this yeah dude hold my beer i did something even stupider than

00:24:32.500 that they're like well fuck if you figured it out maybe i can figure it out yeah i just want to live

00:24:37.880 in that energy from here on out i think there's something to be said for just being relatable

00:24:41.760 that's why i'm excited even just to have you here on this podcast because it's like like you said

00:24:46.100 i mean look at rose this is a shelf i grabbed out of my garage today yeah like literally like i took

00:24:51.960 the top ones off and i threw those through those to the side like this was in my garage i like it

00:24:58.260 man two hours ago yeah but i want people to know like you don't need this big production that's why

00:25:04.080 i i kind of got after the the whole like um naming your podcast the ryan mickler show

00:25:11.460 where it's like oh the ryan mickler show the joe johnson show the steve schmo's show yeah i'm like

00:25:18.760 well, what happens when you die or what happens when you go down? Yeah, man. What if I got sick?

00:25:24.760 What if I had a stroke today? My mission, if it's all centered around me, my mission dies.

00:25:29.920 Yeah. But the way that I've tried to build this, that if I go down today, somebody, I have it in

00:25:36.600 place. I've talked with men. That mission will continue because it's not the Ryan Mickler show.

00:25:42.360 That's pretty. And I wish more, look, I don't care what you call your podcast. Like if you want to

00:25:46.380 call it the keith yackie show or whatever cool but the the point that i'm making is what is it

00:25:51.980 that's more important than than you like why does it have to center around you as you as if you're

00:25:58.720 the sun everything else orbits around yeah instead of the mission whatever that mission is well

00:26:04.260 speaking of like the most famous human on planet earth jesus he never wrote anything down and

00:26:12.860 didn't seem to care if anybody got it accurate because there's four guys apparently that wrote

00:26:16.940 it and they kind of contradict each other in different spots yeah well if he didn't care to

00:26:21.040 make sure the editing was all that good and he didn't even care if it was written down or not

00:26:24.740 and he's the guy just to your point he's just like here's the truths i hope they set you free

00:26:33.100 yeah i gotta i gotta well i sent my youngest or my oldest son breckin who you know i sent him a

00:26:39.580 message today. And I said, Hey, will you come over and help me move a few things around?

00:26:44.220 And he's like, no, I can't. I'm working, but I can come over later. You know, at five or my God,

00:26:48.460 it'll be too late. Don't worry about it. And I just said, I love you, bud. And he's like, yeah,

00:26:51.380 I love you too, dad. Thanks for always being there. Yeah. Like I care more about that than

00:26:57.380 any sort of accolades or social media praise. Or even when I had a, I had a woman reach out on

00:27:04.960 instagram last week and she was talking about her husband her husband was in the military

00:27:11.900 and is suffering from it sounds like ptsd and some other things and she's like hey will you

00:27:18.500 talk to him like yeah of course yeah who am i to say no i won't now can i talk to everybody no

00:27:26.580 probably not but who am i to deny this guy that's struggling so i just sent him a quick message it

00:27:32.000 took me 30 seconds out of my day to send him a quick message and say hey man here you're struggling

00:27:36.920 i'm here to support you gave him a little bit of advice and if the mission's always more important

00:27:43.040 whether the mission is fatherhood or being a business owner or being a elected representative

00:27:48.040 or yeah you know a member of your your clergy the mission is always more important than you

00:27:53.980 were you that way before the divorce or do you think that you're more that way after the divorce

00:27:58.620 i started that way and then i let i let my success go to my head yeah i think a lot of us do that i

00:28:04.880 think i did the same thing too yeah i i started merry game out of one simple curiosity and

00:28:10.380 enthusiasm was to like tell other people hey you're not gonna believe it if your marriage sucks

00:28:15.780 mine was worse than yours so bad that she left me i got her back here's the five things i did to get

00:28:21.760 her back and if you just do this you may not get her back but you're gonna get yourself back and

00:28:26.660 you get yourself back you're gonna feel great about yourself and it was just this and it was

00:28:31.220 raw and i didn't i didn't try and be clever i just was this is me and here's how and dude that's

00:28:37.960 come back this last six months like i got this new segment i don't know if you've seen i'm doing

00:28:41.660 on instagram it's called how to become so attractive you're beating pussy off with a

00:28:44.360 louisville slumber i saw that the other day yeah and i'm i'm doing it i want a day for 360 365 days

00:28:51.200 because i just got a prompting in my heart talk to the internet and to men the same way you talk

00:28:57.520 around with your bros and that's how i talk to my bros so i'm just like i'm just gonna do this

00:29:01.700 i'm gonna i'm gonna teach what i know about actual attraction and how it works because i'm really

00:29:06.540 good at it now and i was good at the short term but now i'm great at the long term and guys just

00:29:11.520 need to like most men don't understand the stuff that you and i we go oh that makes perfect sense

00:29:16.460 you called me the other day like oh bro you're gonna check out this response i was like oh that

00:29:19.340 was good because you get it you understand something so different than almost all men

00:29:25.660 well good thing you got a microphone that can tell a lot of men hey have you done this with

00:29:32.560 your wife have you done this with your girlfriend have you thought this when you were dating

00:29:35.440 it probably led you to pain didn't it would you can think about it this way and if you think about

00:29:42.580 But this way, it'll lead you to not pain.

00:29:46.220 That's so cool.

00:29:47.480 And it's not about us.

00:29:49.240 It's just about, here's the principle.

00:29:50.620 That's it.

00:29:51.320 Here's the principle.

00:29:52.100 And follow it or don't.

00:29:53.280 Or don't.

00:29:53.760 And you can see how it works out.

00:29:55.480 I remember when I was going through my divorce,

00:29:57.260 you said something to me and I'm paraphrasing,

00:29:58.980 but I'll never forget it.

00:30:00.020 You said, hey, you know what?

00:30:01.400 At this point, you have one play in the playbook.

00:30:04.460 There's only one play.

00:30:06.460 And if you want to win your wife back,

00:30:07.980 which at the time I did, this is your play.

00:30:10.500 if it's too little too late this is your play and it's the same one because now you're going to be

00:30:16.860 a man that you're proud of yourself you're going to be a great catch for the next woman to come

00:30:21.120 into your life if that's the case and i think there was actually something pretty liberating

00:30:25.860 in that because it what i what i realized is that the only thing i could focus on wasn't within her

00:30:33.640 control as was within mine that's because a lot of guys are like well you know if if she just if

00:30:39.000 she just saw how hard i'm working if she just knew how much i cared if she just knew how much i'm

00:30:45.240 changing maybe yeah and also you don't get to dictate that that's the power yeah dude that

00:30:53.280 that's what helped me that one thing because i had hired three different coaches to try and get

00:30:58.100 jesse back like i told you and i was like i hired a girl coach i hired a guy coach and i hired a guy

00:31:03.780 that only responded via email so i was like i was trying to hit it from all angles and after going

00:31:09.920 through the three coaches there was this big like weight that fell off of me because i realized i

00:31:14.640 you know football players like us i'm like wait there's only one play in the playbook and that

00:31:19.440 is if you want to get her back you got to move on and if you want to move on you got to move on i's

00:31:22.840 like that's it so you mean i have to move on yeah that's it you have to move on and don't just move

00:31:28.360 on as a bidder because you know you see guys on the internet now talking about how horrible their

00:31:32.620 ex is it only makes that guy look really pathetic and like a little boy oh dude I had a friend I

00:31:39.860 just messaged him a couple days ago and I could see a little bit about some of his bitterness

00:31:46.700 and it was creeping out in his message and then I could see a little I could see what his ex was

00:31:52.700 doing and so I messaged him and I said hey man like I feel really compelled to text you right

00:31:57.540 now and i in the text i said you know i'd love to talk with you i've got some time tomorrow um

00:32:04.900 i care about you so either i can share it with you if you're open to it or if you're not you

00:32:11.000 can just tell me to shut my fucking mouth and i will but you need to know yeah because i i know

00:32:17.040 where it's going what do you say he said yeah dude i'll talk with you oh so we've got a call

00:32:20.900 tomorrow oh good and he's like yeah call me at this time and we'll chat about it and that's you

00:32:25.760 know i i my biggest thing is i just don't want him to slide down a slippery slope that yeah i

00:32:31.780 actually that's one thing you know i guess to my credit that's one thing i never did i never and i

00:32:38.520 refuse to yeah because it just makes you look stupid it looks it makes you look like a victim

00:32:42.920 yeah true and you dude you never played that card with me when you're like man i i you like i own

00:32:48.780 this you yeah that's that's that's the energy is you have to move on but if you're going to move on

00:32:55.640 and, and she's still the problem, quote unquote, then you're actually still the problem. Right.

00:33:01.000 But once you go, no, I'm, I'm the problem and not, I had something to play in it. No,

00:33:05.920 she's the mirror. If she just is mirroring you, I've never seen a happy woman leave.

00:33:10.640 If Tricia was happy, would she have left? No, of course not. Of course not. Yeah. If Jesse was

00:33:16.800 happy, she would have never left. Yeah. But okay. So let me ask you this. I'll push back in the on,

00:33:20.800 on on you on that one a little bit because i think the there is a narrative usually when you

00:33:26.360 get into these conversations it's like there's this camp over here and then there's this camp

00:33:30.200 way over here yeah and so you have one camp that says happy wife happy life okay you know it's like

00:33:35.880 with which i think a lot of men could probably interpret what you're saying and say well she

00:33:40.440 was just happy yeah it's like okay well then i can just like bend over and do all the things that

00:33:45.980 she wants and maybe she'll be happy yeah then you have this other camp and there's obviously the

00:33:50.860 answer is somewhere between but you have this other camp that says you know women are are

00:33:56.180 hypergamous and that's all they're only good for this and don't ever and i don't agree with that

00:34:01.780 either so how do you how do you reconcile saying hey if she was happy we would be together with

00:34:08.240 you don't need to sacrifice your own well-being in order for her to be happy let me redefine the

00:34:13.500 word happy then okay i don't i don't believe happy wife and i know you don't yeah so i'd say

00:34:17.240 a fulfilled woman a fulfilled woman means you say no to her because you have boundaries

00:34:23.420 and she'll throw a fit like everyone throws a fit if we don't get our way when when you don't get

00:34:29.200 your way like i had my flights canceled last night like an 11 or like it was like 8 30 at night they

00:34:34.680 flat canceled so i was like and my assistant is on the east coast and was already asleep yeah of

00:34:39.500 so i was like okay so i waited on hold for like 50 minutes for these people to tell me that they

00:34:47.400 couldn't do anything anyway so i canceled those bought new totally different flights flew into

00:34:51.980 las vegas to drive up here and every along the way and then i i got to the rental car they're

00:34:57.120 like no we actually canceled it and i was like no problem i'll just rent another one they're like

00:35:00.860 we don't take business debit cards i didn't have a credit card on me i was like okay no problem

00:35:05.200 so i ubered but i ordered an electric uber because i like the electric uber yeah the guy

00:35:09.820 gets you he goes we're gonna have to stop and charge because i can't drive that far i'm like

00:35:12.940 that's not gonna work either so then i ordered another uber same exact thing came up i ordered

00:35:18.040 a third uber and the guy's like dude actually i can't take you because um what they're paying me

00:35:25.920 to pay i don't even have enough money for gas to get up there based on what they're paying he goes

00:35:29.360 if you will you just pay me cash oh yeah it's like yeah so he got me to my meeting within five

00:35:36.280 minutes to spare and all along the way there was that temptation just be like fuck and it's like

00:35:41.340 no i don't know hold on a second this is life life this goes so what is a fulfilled and so i i wanted

00:35:48.180 to throw a fit right but i realized that's not gonna do it so a contented woman is a woman that

00:35:53.360 is attracted to you she's having fun like she understands you're a great parent you're a great

00:35:58.640 you're a good best friend like here's what i noticed we bait and switch men bait and switch

00:36:03.580 so if a woman goes wow we used to have a lot of deep conversations when we were dating and then

00:36:08.460 you get married and you're like don't bother me i'm working all the time she's not gonna be very

00:36:13.580 happy with that because there's no fulfillment there right if you um say i'm making all this

00:36:19.420 money and life's great and then you never ambitiously go after anything that's a bait and

00:36:24.920 switch. So she's not going to be happy that way. Um, I think a happy woman is a woman that sees

00:36:31.520 her man becoming all that he is rather than let me buy you a gift or let me do the thing. A happy

00:36:38.320 woman wants to, uh, a fulfilled woman, a satisfied woman, a woman that's like stoked to be in a

00:36:44.680 relationship doesn't get yelled at. You know what I mean? Like I know guys that just don't yell at

00:36:50.540 their wives and and it's like why are you yelling at her well because i'm insecure about something

00:36:56.100 okay that doesn't change anything yeah so i think the the continuum is simple

00:37:00.900 be the best version of you as a man you can possibly be which means watering your plant

00:37:07.300 you know i mean showing up caring about her most guys they don't even have any conversations with

00:37:12.200 their wife that have anything to do with her and the best reversal you and i could talk about

00:37:18.540 jiu-jitsu for a long time yeah jesse can handle about three to five minutes max and i don't blame

00:37:25.960 her because like who really wants to talk about jiu-jitsu if you're not into it right nobody right

00:37:30.000 but imagine if she sat down i was like just tell me everything about jiu-jitsu and i and i just

00:37:35.960 talked for 30 minutes and she was like and then what happened and then and then that purple belt

00:37:40.920 almost tapped you but he did it and you lasted five minutes i'm like yeah i lasted five minutes

00:37:44.540 and she's like oh you're such a stud i'd be like who are you this is pretty epic right yeah that

00:37:50.520 but that's how we were when we were dating so it's like for me a happy wife there's a way to

00:37:56.900 make a woman happy but it's not doing more chores it's not giving her gifts it's not saying yes all

00:38:02.960 the time which i think is like the the pseudo solutions that are being taught nowadays so a

00:38:08.300 truly happy woman is like i'm attracted to my man and i can't pull him off of his frame

00:38:13.660 um i so i think that part's huge i'm sorry i'm kind of chuckling because i can hear my dog up

00:38:18.040 there he's such a stud he's whining i'm like this is our first iteration of doing a in-person

00:38:23.740 podcast so like there's some kings that need to be worked out one of them is my dang dog whining

00:38:28.480 we're hanging out down here but um no i you know what's what else is interesting and i found this

00:38:35.960 just in dating is I've, I always kind of believed that if you said no to a woman, it would make her

00:38:44.320 think that you didn't like her or she would be turned off by it. And, and I probably, I probably

00:38:50.580 felt that way because, and I've seen studies that actually support this, that, that men who are

00:38:56.200 raised primarily by their mothers seek a lot of validation from women. And, and we, we learn that

00:39:02.160 It's a learned trait through our childhood. And so I never really wanted to rock the boat in the

00:39:08.240 dating world. I'm like, eh, like, yeah, I don't want to say no. And like, let me change my schedule

00:39:13.620 to make it work for you. And, you know, three and a half years post-divorce, like I'm pretty happy

00:39:19.640 with my business and my relationship with my kids and my own hobbies. Like I don't need the same

00:39:25.280 validation i did six months out of my out of my marriage and so you know i i can say hey i no i

00:39:32.940 can't i can't do anything saturday yeah no and i i don't even need to come up i don't feel like i

00:39:38.340 even owe an explanation it's like no that doesn't work for me or um yeah any time that you can just

00:39:47.460 say no not for the sake of saying no but because you actually have something going on yeah or you

00:39:52.800 know, maybe a woman will text you throughout the day and you don't immediately get back with her

00:39:56.320 because you're busy. Like I'm busy. I'm not ignoring you. I just, I'm working or I'm doing

00:40:01.240 a project or I'm hanging with my kids. And I've had women say like, Hey, I actually really

00:40:07.080 appreciate, they've said this to me. I really appreciate that you don't answer me back right

00:40:11.600 away because I can, I can see that you're busy. Yeah. And I'm like, well, what's the alternative?

00:40:16.700 And, and it's funny because they're like, Oh yeah, some guys, they just seem like they're

00:40:20.440 waiting by their phone yeah for me to answer back and it's weird yeah yeah yeah or or you know a

00:40:27.800 woman might say hey can we go out tonight i'm like no it's my son's lacrosse game like i'm not going

00:40:32.200 out tonight yeah and and they'll say oh might be bothered but they'll say you know i actually

00:40:38.160 a good dad is a sexy dad is a good yeah right like a sexy man is what they say it's like oh

00:40:44.380 okay so you can actually say no and have healthy boundaries and people respect it they aren't put

00:40:49.720 off by it all right men let's take a pause quick uh if you just heard keith break down the five

00:40:56.340 dials and you're sitting there potentially doing the math on your own score i don't want you to

00:41:02.300 just sit with it i want you to do something about it and that's exactly why we've built the iron

00:41:07.540 council this is not a course all right it's not it's not a facebook group full of guys hiding

00:41:13.160 behind shared or fake profiles it's a brotherhood of men who hold each other to a very high

00:41:19.460 standard. It's the same kind of standard that Keith's talking about here. Men will check in,

00:41:24.460 they'll call you out. They won't let you drift back into being 19 out of 100. And we're opening

00:41:31.500 the doors for a live preview call in about three weeks, say August 12th at 8 p.m. Eastern. And I'm

00:41:37.520 going to walk you through exactly what the Iron Council is, how it works, and how to get plugged

00:41:43.260 into a group of men who are done coasting and i think that you are too if you've listened to this

00:41:49.720 podcast for a long time but haven't done anything with it then join the preview call on august 12th

00:41:55.020 at 8 p.m eastern because it's your chance to see it firsthand you can ask your questions you can

00:42:00.040 decide if this is what you've been missing but we are going to fill up so head to theironcouncil.com

00:42:06.300 slash preview as soon as you can save a sequel preview call again that's wednesday august 12th

00:42:12.000 at 8 p.m. Eastern.

00:42:13.840 Show up.

00:42:14.980 We'll teach you how to rate yourself

00:42:16.060 in certain areas of your life.

00:42:18.120 And then let's go to work on improving and fixing it.

00:42:22.220 Again, theironcouncil.com slash preview,

00:42:25.720 Wednesday, August 12th at 8 p.m. Eastern.

00:42:28.760 Do that right after the show.

00:42:30.180 Let's finish it up with Keith.

00:42:34.780 Well, you're living your truth at that point.

00:42:37.060 This is my truth.

00:42:38.020 These things are important to me.

00:42:39.760 Not that you're not important.

00:42:41.240 Right, of course.

00:42:41.760 but everything's got a spot and when it's it's frame right you have your frame this is my frame

00:42:47.940 this is how i'm doing my life and i'm not seeking any external validation that's one of the most

00:42:53.320 attractive things on planet earth is a man who's really comfortable in his own skin yeah you wear

00:42:59.100 what you want you do what you want you talk the way you want doesn't mean that somebody can't say

00:43:03.420 hey i've had this experience of you and and it didn't make me feel very good okay let's hear it

00:43:10.080 But, dude, that's the, this is such a great show to talk about this on because when you are going after what you want and you're not distracted by the other stuff, women know that guy's locked in on his thing, which means he's a winner.

00:43:28.800 yeah they are literally hardwired to want to mate with winners so when oftentimes when guys get in

00:43:35.900 marriage dude you've seen this a million times guy gets married stops hanging out with his guy

00:43:40.560 friends yeah i did that every guy i know did that yeah it was it and thought he was doing the good

00:43:47.940 thing like it seems right it's dude it seems right and yet you're like and then she goes

00:43:53.440 why don't you have any friends but dude i've had women literally go i wish because we used to do

00:44:00.700 this thing on saturday morning where guys would come over we had cold plunge and then sit in the

00:44:04.360 hot tub and like go for a run and there ended up being like eight or 12 guys every saturday at 6

00:44:09.560 a.m at my house and um girls would online would see it they're like i wish my husband had six to

00:44:17.400 eight friends to sit around in a hot tub and talk about conspiracy theories or whatever it's like

00:44:21.000 whatever the thing i wish you know and we're doing jujitsu in the law like dude check out this move

00:44:25.980 or we're doing water jujitsu and we look crazy and my daughter's watching this and and they're

00:44:31.280 like joking like oh you know dad and his crazy friends but really they're like he's got a tribe

00:44:36.780 that would support him and that looks up to him and that he looks up to what a different energy

00:44:41.840 dude yeah so but that was what that's one of like 30 things that men just don't get the saying no

00:44:49.120 is a perfect example the um the uh the invitation but no obligation this would come like every guy

00:44:58.000 hates being rejected for sex right there's not a man that goes you know i'll sign up for that

00:45:01.700 yeah it sounds fun but yeah exactly but he doesn't know that when he emotionally neglects his wife

00:45:08.500 she feels the exact same rejection yeah true and and it's this energy of like he only looks at her

00:45:16.580 is just basically like something for sex and he feels there's another line that every guy says

00:45:21.380 look at all i've done for you look at what i've provided for you as if she wants to go have an

00:45:27.140 emotional conversation with that sofa you bought her yeah i know but okay let me just play a little

00:45:31.580 devil's advocate here so i don't think you're wrong by the way i i would agree with that is

00:45:36.340 that's her that's her way of connection the same way a guy wants to have physical intimacy with his

00:45:41.200 wife um and also so not exclusive so and also she should appreciate the fact that he does those

00:45:50.820 things she should appreciate that he's and she should also here's i think where the biggest

00:45:55.480 struggle that a lot of women have is they don't talk or if they do talk it's in a different

00:46:01.720 language than the way men do so like i'll talk with i mean i remember when i went through my

00:46:07.280 divorce and she's like i told you about your drinking and i was like what like wait a second

00:46:11.920 like what exactly did you say what what were the words that you used yeah and i'll never forget it

00:46:17.920 she said i told you i was concerned about your drinking i'm like okay thank you yeah but that

00:46:25.620 doesn't translate to if you don't stop drinking i will leave you right so what i'm concerned about

00:46:32.600 your drinking yeah i appreciate you have care and concern for me but that doesn't mean the

00:46:37.880 relationship is in trouble i don't interpret it that way um but does that make sense about the

00:46:41.760 separate separate language that men and women use yeah we uh the way i describe it in married game

00:46:48.180 is uh overt language versus covert language and a lot of times women use the covert language

00:46:53.920 because she doesn't know for sure will i really leave you for doing this because that almost

00:47:01.360 sounds like an ultimatum i feel like she's more like i'm really concerned about your drinking

00:47:06.080 because when jesse left i was like did you tell me you were gonna leave right exactly exactly

00:47:12.960 because it feel like this came out of nowhere and i think most guys it it it feels like it comes out

00:47:19.140 of nowhere because we're not really aware to how women speak and what's really going dude i i didn't

00:47:25.520 know literally i feel like i wasn't even awake yeah you know once you go through that you become

00:47:32.860 awake and you go so like you have feelings and like jesse said she felt like a walking vagina

00:47:38.600 i never felt that she goes literally i thought i was just like your trophy to show off yeah but

00:47:42.500 you didn't you didn't feel like you were you didn't believe her to be that and you weren't

00:47:46.340 from your perspective treating her like that that wasn't my experience exactly yeah that was her

00:47:51.940 hers yes that's that's what i think the thing is like we most men don't understand what their

00:47:57.980 wives or girls are really experiencing they just are like yeah everything is great right dude the

00:48:03.600 week before jesse left me i was at a mastermind and buddy by like how's your marriage i'm like

00:48:07.660 dude i think we're doing pretty good whoa a week before that's crazy hold on it's true though it's

00:48:13.480 a day it was a day before what a day before whoa a day before and then she because i was at that

00:48:21.920 mastermind when she facetimed me and said hey dude i've been trying to tell you this for a while like

00:48:28.400 try to tell me what she's like this is not gonna work out like what are you talking about she goes

00:48:31.920 i know you're gonna fly home you're gonna try and get into that she goes you don't have to do all

00:48:35.360 that i've already made up my mind whoa so it was like i just feel like somehow our society

00:48:45.680 men don't actually understand long-term attraction like we don't like we're all gung-ho when we're

00:48:51.440 dating and we're trying to figure it out and we want to you know we might even do the romantic

00:48:55.460 stuff and we're bro we're awesome when we're dating we're awesome what but why is that because

00:49:01.420 we want to get laid or is it like why do we why do we struggle to maintain well let me ask you this

00:49:08.160 too does that apply to all aspects of our lives probably okay so what is it about us that says

00:49:15.060 hey once we've locked it down whether it's the woman or the job or the finances or the body

00:49:20.380 but it seems a guy loses a bunch of weight gains a bunch of weight right makes a bunch of money

00:49:25.140 then it starts to get low and he's like then he starts making more money yeah and it's like so

00:49:28.540 this that's happened to me in every area of my life i'm sure it's happened to you in every area

00:49:32.400 of your life of course and probably every guy so you know there's that saying familiarity breeds

00:49:38.120 contempt i think that might just be more true than we've ever really truly given it credit for

00:49:45.240 and i think that our specifically in the marriage thing because we know we've for her to say yes i'm

00:49:54.720 going to get married to you and have your children you can't really i mean you you don't want to slip

00:50:00.620 up before that happens right you want to get to the you want to get to the end zone of course

00:50:05.640 but i that was the biggest trip for me and maybe this is why it happens in business and body and

00:50:11.320 these other things is until you learn the habits of success and it becomes a habit like i've been

00:50:18.460 in shape for the last three and a half years have not deviated like i it is i bet you can go back

00:50:24.720 three and a half years i look just like this for my whole life i yo-yoed up and down up and down

00:50:29.740 up and down and then i learned the habit where i'm like this thing i was a good husband and then i

00:50:34.820 wouldn't be and most guys are like they behavior we call it behavior modification for like two or

00:50:39.040 three weeks but then they're looking to get something i think that's what it is we are

00:50:43.680 looking to get something an immediate reward immediate or semi-immediate okay immediate semi

00:50:49.820 but always the long term is but like having this body now for three and a half years i feel more

00:50:54.660 comfortable in my body more proud of my body than even year one same thing in my marriage i've been

00:51:01.180 on fire for the last eight and a half nine years since i got jesse back and i feel more excited

00:51:05.920 about my marriage and more uh involved and invested in it than i ever before so i okay so

00:51:11.940 maybe that's the case i think it's i think part of it's a habit i i could definitely agree with

00:51:16.260 that well it's the same reason like we do this love bombing thing right but we and you talk about

00:51:23.060 in the context of relationship but we do the same thing with the the fitness stuff january one rolls

00:51:28.980 around like i'm gonna work out two days or two two times a day and i'm gonna drink all the water and

00:51:35.620 i'm gonna not do any sugar and you're a stud for like 10 days yep and you're like okay i can't do

00:51:43.300 that yeah or you you send her every text write her every little note get her flowers overly

00:51:49.160 accommodating for like two weeks and she falls in love with you and you got her and you're like

00:51:53.820 okay i'm done with that now yeah so so i think part of his habit but what do you think about

00:51:59.340 the concept of novelty and and i'm not saying you know go out and find another woman i'm saying like

00:52:06.200 how do you create if you think novelty is important let me ask you that first and if it is

00:52:10.900 then how do you create novelty in familiar situations whether it's relationships or a job

00:52:16.500 or whatever it might be i think novelty is what we all like and um how do you create it inside

00:52:25.160 of a marriage would be like a good question, right? So for me, it's like, what experiences

00:52:30.540 and my new experiences am I having with this person? If you've noticed when you travel with

00:52:35.460 somebody, you've gone on these hunting trips with your son, right? Every experience is like,

00:52:41.560 what I explained about how to get here is pretty much how not every trip goes, but there's elements

00:52:47.080 of the, that didn't work out. That wasn't how we expected. And we've got an even cooler story,

00:52:51.620 right so you've got these things going on i you know what i think it is this is coming to me as

00:52:58.720 we're talking about this i think it's why you do something so you've been podcasting for a long

00:53:06.280 time like you haven't up and down podcast right you pretty much had an episode every week for

00:53:11.580 17 million years yeah 11 years over 1700 episodes have not missed a single episode not one so three

00:53:20.800 episodes a week okay so whatever that is and this is how i would describe it because i i've been

00:53:26.840 i've been on on point with jesse for almost nine years i've made her a green shake almost every

00:53:31.800 morning and and i was just thinking why have i been in shape this last three and a half years

00:53:38.180 i think the motivation comes when you love you love it you must love something about this podcasting

00:53:45.120 that makes you never miss i haven't missed an episode in four years for our podcast i mean i

00:53:50.980 love it for sure but you're getting but i also yeah because i value consistency like i value

00:53:58.940 being a beacon of stability that's that's like inherent i don't know if it's learned or developed

00:54:05.780 or innate but i value being this beacon of stability and we value it in you yeah probably

00:54:12.480 there's probably there's got to be there's a validation feedback loop too that like

00:54:16.440 1700 episodes over 11 years you haven't missed one week that's i'm not even talking about

00:54:23.000 validation from us to you like well done ryan that is inwardly validating like i'm that fucking guy

00:54:28.640 yeah because i'm even in that i'm like yeah 1700 episodes every because i've like who's done that

00:54:35.700 hell yeah how many guys have actually done that yeah not very many so i would okay i'll tell you

00:54:41.040 this thing this is i've experienced this in real life i call it the four process to a perfect date

00:54:46.180 i want to get the four what'd you say it's the four steps to the okay it's a process to a perfect

00:54:51.220 date okay it's um preparation like make the reservation order the flowers if you're going

00:54:56.320 to be at a hotel to be on the bed um uh so there's preparation once you prepare then the anticipation

00:55:02.200 everybody loves christmas eve because we don't know what we're going to get right

00:55:05.360 anticipation which means for me if i'm going to a new restaurant i'm going to you know take a

00:55:09.500 screenshot of the menu and send a couple items to jesse like i'm eyeballing this what do you

00:55:14.580 think so there's anticipation um execution making sure it actually gets executed in the way that

00:55:20.840 you want it and then the ultimate step forward i want to get to was the culmination and most guys

00:55:25.940 on a perfect date the culmination is they want to explode all over their wife right yeah but here's

00:55:30.820 what i found i've done this on a number of occasion and while the end of the date ended

00:55:36.700 with like fantastic sex that wasn't what made me feel the best the culmination was actually

00:55:42.820 i'm the one who did this i set a standard for myself so it was kind of like this energy because

00:55:50.440 i've done it whether we've traveled or i've done it at home if i'm gonna do something really cool

00:55:53.900 epic at home the feeling of satisfaction wasn't that i got what i wanted at the end the ceiling

00:55:59.140 feeling of satisfaction was i lived at such a high standard that i created that and i'm i'm seeing

00:56:04.940 that happen i'm dude 1700 like you should feel i'm i'm proud about it as i as you should be right

00:56:11.180 but there's something about that validation feedback loop that goes i did that um i mean

00:56:17.860 the bible talks about it he said what he did he saw what he made and he said it was good

00:56:21.080 there was that almost self-validation of i did that that's good dude if i was a knife company

00:56:27.700 and i made that you should be proud of that i would be proud of that yeah you know when guys

00:56:31.620 come through our program whether they get their ex back or not who they become they become proud

00:56:36.720 of themselves you became proud of yourself going through that like a first you know that first call

00:56:42.620 was like there was no real concept of who um can I actually do this like will I be okay without her

00:56:51.200 nobody really thinks that when they're like I want to get her back okay cool let's go yeah I didn't

00:56:55.960 that wasn't the first thought yeah no first thought wasn't dude I'm gonna be so proud when I go through

00:57:00.620 this and realize yeah and and here's the other thing most guys think especially if they're trying

00:57:05.080 to get someone back i'm gonna have to live a second tier life like i'm always gonna be fighting

00:57:10.040 for second best because if i don't get her back now i've like ruined the thing you when you come

00:57:16.060 through and you actually become the guy that you're proud of you're like i still have shot at

00:57:21.340 first place in my life because i'm the guy right i there's something to be said for that because

00:57:26.640 like it is interesting too because i i mean yeah we forget right there's two dudes chopping it up

00:57:31.580 man these we're kind of flying here but like that's what i think is happening i i would agree

00:57:36.140 i i think that just so you're talking about self-validation yeah right and how like i don't

00:57:45.260 i don't need somebody i don't i don't you know when you say hey ryan this is awesome you did

00:57:49.560 this thing i'm like oh thanks like that i accept that compliment and it feels nice yeah i would do

00:57:55.660 the same thing tomorrow whether you said it or not that's what i'm talking about so it doesn't

00:57:59.680 change my performance exactly so that's like when i just i'll give this story i wanted to

00:58:05.980 we uh lived six months right on balboa beach like one step away from the sand okay and we could hear

00:58:14.520 the waves if they were big enough they would shake the house really i was 22 doors down from

00:58:18.560 the wedge which is some of the biggest waves in southern california so when it was cranking the

00:58:22.220 house would shake a little bit and i just loved it we had that's awesome we had this rooftop

00:58:25.480 hot tub and it was so sexy and it was gonna be a full moon and i'm like hey jesse here's what

00:58:31.420 we're gonna do rather than go out because we would go out a lot i'm like uh jovi's away when

00:58:35.460 you have a kid that's at home all the time and when they go spend the night you're like thank

00:58:39.080 you let's go right so i'm like and it's not like you don't love your kids it's like i'm a human

00:58:44.440 being i need a break exactly so i'm like all right here's what we do i stopped here's what

00:58:48.980 i've also noticed when you invest time and energy into something you're more proud of it too

00:58:52.720 so normally i would have my assistant like set everything up i'm like i'm not gonna do that

00:58:57.540 this time i'm gonna go to the flower store and buy flower petals and i'm gonna set everything

00:59:02.120 up so i'm like hey we're gonna go to dinner when we come back i got something upstairs don't go

00:59:06.120 upstairs and we'll get our bathing shoes we'll go upstairs and we're gonna just have a good ass time

00:59:10.040 she's like okay cool sounds good so i went up there i bought tea tea lights and put a hundred

00:59:15.980 tea lights all around the jacuzzi leading down the path i put rose petals all over the thing

00:59:21.940 and i did my four-step process and by the time we got home and we went up there it was an epic

00:59:30.280 night up there i'm sure yeah how could it not be it was epic and i said hey i'm gonna go upstairs

00:59:38.280 with this energy of like whether you come or not i'm gonna have this is where i'll be i'm and i'm

00:59:45.480 gonna have the best time ever invitation but not expectation or whatever you say invitation no

00:59:49.520 obligation yes yeah which is that's such a great way to live right because there's no attachment

00:59:54.520 to anything and um i remember that night literally feeling looking in the mirror going whether she

01:00:01.580 wants to i know she's going to because of course i did it for her you know what she likes yeah but

01:00:06.340 the feeling of self-validate like i'm gonna do this whether it was jesse or not like some other

01:00:15.400 lady was my wife at the time it wasn't like this is because you are you this is because no this is

01:00:20.260 because this is me and that man i think that's why we like doing hard things so much yeah you know i

01:00:27.640 did uh 75 hard i did the whole live hard year that was my people ask me all the time other than now

01:00:32.460 my uh blue belt and jujitsu that was my most proudest moment what's your proudest moment

01:00:37.180 i lived an entire year under this program and it taught me discipline that i still have to this

01:00:43.380 day yeah and so it was like there's something about that self-validation and setting your own

01:00:50.020 standard and living to your own standard that is so powerful i also think there's something to be

01:00:55.300 said for taking taking things to the nth degree for men yeah like so for example you know a guy

01:01:03.360 listening to this he might say well i think after listening to this podcast i need to court my wife

01:01:07.940 right yeah and so he's like hey babe you want to go out on friday and she's like yeah i'd love to

01:01:11.560 and he's like cool where should we go oh yeah and i'm like dude you had this awesome opportunity

01:01:17.500 and you dropped the ball yeah and and guys like well what should i have done i'm like well you

01:01:23.620 should have said hey babe i we're going out on friday night at seven so be ready by seven yeah

01:01:31.620 sitters lined up she'll be here at 6 45 um i'm gonna surprise you with the restaurant but you

01:01:37.420 like it i know you like it because i know who you are yeah and she paid attention when you talked

01:01:41.740 and i want you to wear that little red dress that i really like yeah and do your hair like this

01:01:47.960 yeah bro she would trip all over herself but guys are like well i don't want i'm like dude

01:01:56.100 she she's she's out there changing poopy diapers wiping snot off kids noses dealing with uh the

01:02:04.940 teacher because little timmy's being an asshole at school or she's at work and her boss was a jerk

01:02:11.720 and a client quit and like she doesn't want to decide what freaking restaurant to go to she

01:02:19.560 doesn't want to call little julia to come over to babysit the kids she doesn't want to go in the

01:02:25.720 closet and say i wonder what dress he would like just tell her i want you to wear that dress that

01:02:31.940 dress looks amazing on you do your hair like this that that i like yeah and i'm gonna take you to

01:02:36.820 this restaurant she would trip all over herself but that's taking things to the nth degree yeah

01:02:41.580 and if more guys did that not only would their relationships be better but they would be more

01:02:46.200 proud of themselves because they didn't skim the surface they went deep with it proud of

01:02:50.540 themselves you're nailing we call that living with intention you know what i mean like what do i want

01:02:55.720 what am i intending for the experience to be whether it's in business you do you do men's

01:03:01.080 retreats, man, I was at one of your men's retreats, bro. There was intention. And then

01:03:05.640 when they had no jujitsu, Matt, you and I were like, we're using the mattresses. I'll never

01:03:11.360 forget that. I'll never forget that either. But dude, every guy loved that you and I came up with

01:03:16.320 that. Yeah. We're like, well, we have an intention. We want to roll. You and I both know we're going

01:03:21.180 to go rolling tomorrow. Yeah. That bonding moment for us when we roll is so powerful. And we're

01:03:25.820 like, but you set intention for that entire weekend for those guys. And they loved the fact

01:03:32.540 that somebody led it. That's the thing that we've been talking a lot about lately that I've been

01:03:37.760 getting, you know, there's like some people are like, the way it's supposed to be is the man's

01:03:41.760 the leader and the wife's supposed to obey. And it's like, well, not every woman wants to obey a

01:03:45.980 man. And I don't know that that might be an order. That might be cool. I think there's a higher

01:03:51.040 frame. And it's bigger that is be self-led. Meaning I, Keith Yackey, am going to that

01:03:59.580 destination. I'm going to lead myself there and I'm going to marshal all the resources I have to

01:04:04.200 get there. Have you, have you ever studied or listened to any of, um,

01:04:11.660 Orion Terriban's information? Does that name ring a bell? I'll give you a book. It's called

01:04:16.480 the value of others okay yeah probably listen to it because it's pretty thick but it's it's awesome

01:04:21.480 so he uses this analogy he says men are the captains of the ship the vessel and when you're

01:04:27.880 a captain of a vessel you have a destination you have you have a plot charted or you know a course

01:04:35.820 plotted yeah you know where you're going you know what the itinerary the agenda and so you're at

01:04:41.400 port and you're like this is where we're going here's the agenda here's how many days it will

01:04:45.840 take here's where we end up and this is what it looks like so men are the the captain of the

01:04:50.000 vessel yeah women are the passengers and so women will look at all of the captains and they'll say

01:04:56.580 well that guy seems to be going where i want to go and it seems like he's going to be the one to

01:05:01.900 get me there so i'm going to choose that guy over this guy who's either going to the wrong destination

01:05:06.940 or maybe he's going to the same destination but i don't have a lot of faith that that guy can get

01:05:11.360 me there that's right i think you'd like his stuff it's really interesting that's that's what

01:05:15.680 this big concept is all about lately so i can't wait to hear that because i love that type of

01:05:19.540 shit so it's like this if you want to ride shotgun with me i'm going there and there's some rules

01:05:26.480 bring love bring joy and bring peace because i'm love i'm joy and i'm peace i think that's

01:05:35.620 the biggest thing that i've learned lately is you don't get what you want you get literally what you

01:05:39.220 are. Because if I am love, I'm going to show up in love. You and I both demonstrated love in our

01:05:46.220 friendship to each other, where we can both go, here's the evidence of Ryan loves me. Here's the

01:05:51.460 evidence Keith loves me. Boom. There it is. I'm love. I'm joy. Meaning I'm going to bring joy to

01:05:59.540 every situation. We're going to laugh. We're going to have more fun because I'm here. And I'm going

01:06:03.580 to bring peace. Meaning you don't have to worry about me talking shit behind your back. You don't

01:06:06.900 have to worry about me undercutting you don't have to worry about me trying to take anything

01:06:10.100 from you there's peace if a woman comes and compliments because i don't really believe

01:06:15.320 women complete men i mean you have to have that to have a kid obviously but you should be whole

01:06:20.760 with you should be alone yeah be healed be whole yourself so if i'm going there the only way i'm

01:06:26.040 going to get there is because i'm going to become this guy that gets there so if you want to ride

01:06:30.700 shotgun with me this is for that guy's dating you get if they're the mirror they're only going to

01:06:35.540 mirror back who you are. So if you want more love, more joy, more peace, you have to become

01:06:39.520 that thing, which I've found for me, especially this last 18 months, been a big healing journey

01:06:45.180 for me. That's interesting. Cause I don't, I don't know that I've ever looked at it that way

01:06:48.940 because I, I kind of look at it between the masculine and feminine. And so like, I'll give

01:06:54.280 you a story. So several, yeah, about, about a year, yeah, about a year ago, I was dating a woman

01:07:00.040 and we had dated for a while. And I actually think really highly of her still, but she was a very

01:07:03.460 deep thinker, like love to think deeply about things, love to really learn about the dynamics

01:07:12.100 between men and women. Like we had some really cool conversations about it. And I remember one

01:07:17.160 time we were talking about roles, right? And she said, well, you know, like when we go do these

01:07:23.320 things, what do you feel like your job is? And I'm like, well, my job is to plan it. My job is to

01:07:29.000 fund it. My job is to organize it and make it something that's going to be valuable. And she's

01:07:36.300 like, yeah, that sounds amazing. She's like, what is my job? And I said, your job is to look pretty

01:07:42.300 and make it enjoyable for me. And she's, I know it's kind of teasing, but also kind of true.

01:07:48.560 And she's like, I accept those terms. I can do that. So let me ask, I'll ask you, I asked another

01:07:54.540 person this not too long ago so fill in the blank on this question where a man is a protector

01:08:01.160 provider and presider a woman is fill in the blank a supporter a peacemaker

01:08:14.760 and a pleasure bearer a supporter a peacemaker and a pleasure bearer that's good did you just

01:08:24.520 thing of that? I mean, yeah, this is, this is, we're just, so here, like, if I want, if I'm

01:08:30.720 love, joy and peace, the way I'm going to love and show my love is going to be different than

01:08:34.060 the way Jesse loves me. Of course. Right. And if the way I show up in joy is going to be a little

01:08:38.440 different than the way she shows up in joy. And the way I bring peace is going to be different

01:08:42.260 than how she brings peace. So for me, I bring peace through. I'm good at finances. We've never

01:08:47.840 starved. I've had some lean moments as an entrepreneur, but we've always made it work.

01:08:53.400 that brings peace and safety to her peace and safety from her to me is she knows that

01:09:00.340 um i'm gonna come home and this is the thing she does is when i walk in she does this

01:09:06.880 and then like for a hug or yeah come here big guy and then now the new one because i asked her said

01:09:12.180 hey uh when i come home will you just run up to me and jump up and wrap your legs around me and

01:09:16.840 put your arms on me that's awesome you want that yeah every guy loves that and call me big dog when

01:09:22.260 you do it exactly yeah exactly what's up big dog so that's support that brings me joy that makes me

01:09:29.100 feel loved that makes me feel um peace i come home to a peaceful home she's not like you're not gonna

01:09:35.440 believe that day here's the kids and you're like i'm going to take a break yeah no it's it's and

01:09:40.260 if she goes hey i've had a rough day come here come here we're gonna handle this with peace so

01:09:44.240 that's that's that's uh you get what you tolerate we've heard that frame a lot but like um i don't

01:09:51.300 i would jesse would never yell at me and i would never yell at her because we wouldn't tolerate

01:09:56.360 that if somebody did that i'd be like dude you don't get to do that if a guy wants to

01:10:00.240 yell because he's frustrated and excited i that's different that's guys being guys but that's

01:10:05.380 different than targeting yeah your frustration towards somebody you don't name call you're a

01:10:10.760 fucking bitch like yeah she's never called me a name she says you're a charismatic dick at times

01:10:15.980 which playfully but also kind of like it we kind of are a little sarcastic it's it's fine i know

01:10:21.020 what you're saying yeah i would call you a charismatic dick thank you you'd call me a

01:10:24.020 charismatic dick you'd be like he's sometimes more on the charismatic sometimes more on the

01:10:28.640 dick side and depends on the day but exactly and we would we wouldn't be like he called me a dick

01:10:33.200 we'd be like yeah he's right yeah true so that energy also is non-defensiveness so i if i say

01:10:42.760 hey jesse it would be awesome if every thursday morning you woke me up with a blowjob well she'd

01:10:50.240 be like uh she would probably do that if that's what i requested from her but i would be like

01:10:54.920 did i set the container and did i set the the our life up in such a way that created an ease for her

01:11:05.140 to be able to do that the same way if you're uh running a company if you go guys you got to do

01:11:10.040 this like yeah but you didn't give us any tools to do this with we would be a horrible leader

01:11:14.280 expecting them to do something that we didn't give them tools to do it with right so i think

01:11:18.800 that this thing i'll give you a really good example of guys that they they don't think they

01:11:23.320 get enough sex in their marriage and i go when do you guys have sex because we always wait till

01:11:27.780 the end of the night like well that's when everybody's tired and you're expecting worn out

01:11:33.540 yeah like i want to get barf all over you i want to get to bed and i and yeah and they're like

01:11:38.780 you're expecting her to be all porn starred up and like i've been waiting all day for you it's

01:11:43.040 like there's not a lot of ladies that are like that dude but what if you said when's the best

01:11:47.180 time that you're the horniest i'm really horny at 10 30 in the morning well guess what we're going

01:11:52.520 to adjust our schedule to make that happen so that's that's kind of the the i'm self-led in

01:11:58.220 a way that i know what i want but also a good leader best idea wins and says hey what's happening

01:12:04.720 in the company don't you love hearing feedback from the order of man listeners and like hey as

01:12:10.420 a good leader if they're like man could you tell us more about these types of things we want to

01:12:14.460 hear more about your story when you went through your divorce right you'd be like would that be

01:12:18.040 valuable to you yeah we'd love that cool all right do that that's a good leader right not that you're

01:12:24.420 letting them run the show but you're also looking for feedback and so as the leader of my house

01:12:28.660 i'm i'm saying what experience is jesse having of me and i can openly hear that without being

01:12:35.400 defensive so now a woman realized if i speak to keith and this is the best line ever you can say

01:12:40.340 let me think about that most men just can't say let me think about they're like well but and then

01:12:45.900 excuses come out and then she goes oh i'm not actually able to share my truth here yeah you're

01:12:50.920 training her to be quiet and then guys will say well she never talks to me yeah because you're an

01:12:55.720 asshole every time she tries to tell you something this is not like more than second grade math we're

01:13:01.560 talking about and we all know 93 math but we're stumbling on second grade questions and so it's

01:13:06.560 like when jesse goes um hey can we talk about something sure what's up well and this is this

01:13:15.540 is our inner joke now i go you've been thinking about that for at least two to three days right

01:13:19.720 she goes yeah i go well this is my first two to three minutes let me think about that and she

01:13:25.140 goes that's the best answer a guy could ever give so that you can actually process because normally

01:13:29.860 when i process it and i let the ego just kind of i go what part did i play in it yeah i'm not

01:13:37.760 your relationship isn't a vacuum right there's something's happening and if you're a big leader

01:13:43.540 you're causing it but that was the big reveal for me i like also that one thing that you had said

01:13:49.200 you said it a couple times in a couple different ways and it could almost be looked at as like a

01:13:52.420 throwaway line is you said hey baby like when i come home like will you jump up on me and wrap

01:13:58.560 your legs around me that's just communication like she will do that as long as like you said

01:14:04.540 you set the container and created the space where she feels yeah like that's a good thing to do for

01:14:09.560 the relationship but most guys won't say what they want no and it's amazing it's like you can't

01:14:16.680 you can't be upset that she is or is not doing something that you didn't communicate with her

01:14:21.100 so if you guys are being intimate and she maybe touches you in a certain way tell her yeah i like

01:14:27.860 when you do that that feels really good to me or hey jump up on me or when i come home like

01:14:34.260 i would love to just you know come in and like give whatever what big give you a big hug or you

01:14:40.480 want like like whatever it is yeah and as long as it's reasonable i feel like i feel like most women

01:14:47.540 want that direction so i imagine that it's like oh thank you it takes almost like a side relief

01:14:55.240 takes the risk of rejection away oh that's good i call it the i call it the relationship recipe

01:15:01.120 because it's like how are you going to bake a cake if you don't know what it is so we always

01:15:05.680 tell women i'm not a mind reader neither she yeah so like i we i had i uh sometimes i'll go out and

01:15:12.260 like meet with a guy and his wife for dinner in their city i'll spend all day with the guy and

01:15:16.360 then i just me him and his wife go out to dinner and i don't let jesse go because i want to see

01:15:20.380 what the woman, how she responds to like masculine in that environment. Yeah. Right. Cause I don't

01:15:25.280 need anything from her. And, um, this one guy was like, I really, I really want to spice up my

01:15:30.860 marriage. I go, okay, cool. Like I want certain types of sex. I go, okay. Uh, she goes, she goes,

01:15:35.660 tell him to tell me what he wants. You, so the woman will do that. The, the, the guy says,

01:15:43.420 I want more sex in my relationship. Right. And then she's hearing it. Right. And I go,

01:15:47.880 he's saying that he wants more sex in the relationship. She goes, I want it too. And I,

01:15:54.380 and she goes, tell him, ask him what day he wants it. Like, okay, what? And I'm kind of doing this

01:15:59.020 like a mediator type situation, but I'm doing it just like this in front of both of them.

01:16:03.660 She wants to know. And he goes, I want it on Tuesday. I go, okay. He says Tuesday. She goes,

01:16:07.520 what time? I go, what time? He goes, 1030. She goes, perfect. It'll happen every,

01:16:15.180 does he want me to wear anything for him yeah i go is there any special outfit you got like

01:16:19.360 roller skates or what do you need just bring it up the humor whatever it is yeah and uh and then

01:16:24.480 dude he got it and i go bro you can't be afraid to share what you want they're not mind readers

01:16:32.520 just here's the recipe so sometimes i'll have guys write out the recipe one of them my recipe is

01:16:37.620 when i come home i want jesse to come up and wrap her legs around me yeah and i'm adding big dog

01:16:44.060 yeah for sure 100 absolutely have that but once you see that because once you show up and you

01:16:51.320 a lot of women if guys are listening to this and like yeah but my wife would never do that

01:16:55.540 that's just a reflection oh man well a lot of guys their wives aren't attracted to them okay

01:17:00.160 that's fair like you couldn't have went to trish a month before she left you and like you know i

01:17:03.680 really like you to show up and call me big dog or or like you said earlier it's like hey babe i know

01:17:08.480 we're on the rocks and you're thinking about separating but i'd like a blow job every thursday

01:17:11.800 morning it's probably not gonna work yeah okay that's fair that's the big punch line of all this

01:17:16.420 is if she's not attracted to you she's not gonna want to do these things but if she is and the

01:17:20.620 attraction is you being the best version of you for you you realize i'm the problem i'm the solution

01:17:25.300 and you're having a standard so once you do these things then she's like i'm proud to be with this

01:17:30.020 guy all they want to do is please you and here's the this was a big hang-up for you especially

01:17:35.160 around sex it's like why doesn't she just know what i want and why doesn't she act like the lady

01:17:40.060 in the movies well you know the ladies in the movies had a call time they had a script they

01:17:46.800 talked beforehand what do you like what do i like you know they planned the whole thing out right

01:17:51.340 i'm not saying that it's not real i'm just saying it was planned and so she knew what he liked he

01:17:56.800 knew what she liked no wonder they went in there and acted very familiar with each other but most

01:18:00.620 guys won't even say what they like i actually like that i never really heard of it that way the way

01:18:05.180 you said it where you said it it takes away the risk of rejection because i imagine if you've got

01:18:09.900 the five dials which we haven't got into and maybe we can hit on that but if you've got those five

01:18:14.600 dials locked in and she is attracted to you physically mentally emotionally spiritually all

01:18:19.260 the things it's i imagine she will do anything again within reason if you just say like hey if

01:18:29.600 you do this thing i like it she's not going to feel rejected because she probably wants to do

01:18:35.900 that anyways but she's afraid because she's like oh what if i what if i do this thing and he thinks

01:18:41.020 i'm stupid or it's too much for him or and it's and so like both sides have this internal dialogue

01:18:47.340 like she's like i want to do this thing but i don't want to be slutty and the guy's like i want

01:18:53.280 to do this thing but i don't want her to think i'm a pervert and it's like just talk to each other

01:18:58.420 but they're both afraid of being rejected right yeah you talked to a lot of objectively

01:19:05.500 beautiful women they don't get as pro they don't get approached as much as people think and they

01:19:10.240 don't approach because they don't want to be rejected even jesse's like i don't mind it i

01:19:14.960 like initiating and i like doing those things but she was there's some i just i don't i've never

01:19:18.740 rejected her but she still has the fear nobody wants to be rejected so i that's why i call it

01:19:25.600 the uh the to eliminate the risk of rejection write out the recipe here's here's how i feel

01:19:33.220 most love and i want that from jesse we did a whole podcast um how do you feel loved how do

01:19:38.480 you feel joy and how do you feel peace tell me the exact code because i want to know the code

01:19:43.500 have you ever had anybody like i already hear like i try to think about what people might think and

01:19:50.600 say does it feel does it feel manufactured or fabricated or less authentic when you do that

01:20:00.160 like for even for example scheduling sex like you'll hear people say well then it's not as

01:20:05.180 spontaneous and then it's not as special or whatever is does it take away from some of the

01:20:11.800 spontaneity some of the spark to like have that recipe as opposed to just like hey let's play

01:20:18.100 i think it's better well like you probably heard me joke about this like you know uh i've never

01:20:23.880 went to a restaurant that the waiter came out or the chef came out and goes how did you like

01:20:27.620 the steak like it was okay but i hate that i had to make a reservation to eat here right like that's

01:20:32.620 never been said right so it's like also when you schedule sex like jesse and i know there's gonna

01:20:39.360 be three mornings a week we're gonna have sex and then there's gonna be one night a week when we go

01:20:43.220 out or do something that's gonna be just you know uh the path of pleasure that we're just gonna

01:20:48.680 meander down and figure out what happens and uh dude there the for a lady to be turned on

01:20:56.440 anticipation is a very big thing just like we say christmas christmas eve is way better than

01:21:02.420 christmas afternoon because christmas eve you're like what am i gonna get christmas i already

01:21:06.360 opened it all i wish there was more name yeah those were 64 days you know what i mean yeah

01:21:11.700 exactly so when you can schedule it like for us it's not like we're gonna schedule it's like hey

01:21:18.020 we're gonna put 30 minutes on the clock pretty much monday wednesday friday at 6 30 we're gonna

01:21:24.420 put 30 minutes in there to just have a good time yeah you can do what you want in that time but

01:21:29.880 the same way i'm know i'm going to be at the gym at certain times so i'm going to work so to me

01:21:35.420 the spontaneity it whilst here's what i found about scheduling sex it actually makes you more

01:21:43.820 spontaneous because you know you're going to eat there's no one i wonder if we're going to get it

01:21:49.040 i wonder if i'm going to get rejected it's already on the books and so you can both be like yeah we're

01:21:53.400 going to do that so it dude it eliminates a lot of sexual awkwardness that's because you can create

01:21:58.940 some of that anticipation like hey babe like tonight 6 30 yeah wear that one thing or i'm

01:22:04.800 going to bring home something for us to play with tonight or whatever all of that the emojis you can

01:22:09.760 send the text like you know what i mean can't you can't wait to see in the morning or whatever and

01:22:14.400 and now you guys there's no like i wonder if he's going to reject me i wonder if i'm going to get

01:22:18.220 rejected that eliminates all of that and then you're saying wait isn't intimacy a priority for

01:22:23.560 us well if it's a priority it should be on your schedule it like why would we believe that about

01:22:28.740 everything else how does a how does a man broach the subject so let's say there's a guy listening

01:22:33.280 and he's like yeah i'd love to get that on the books yeah um you know maybe the relationship

01:22:39.160 is on the rocks maybe it isn't maybe it's just kind of falling flat that's probably more likely

01:22:44.120 than anything it's just kind of flat yeah how does a man then say okay well like let's let's do this

01:22:50.240 let's try this um well it's gonna be dependent on where he's at so like if a woman is no longer

01:22:58.640 initiating um or she's not really enthusiastically participating in the act of sex then you can

01:23:04.620 that's just the fruit of she's not that attracted to you like she's not leaning into what you know

01:23:09.260 when i say attraction i'm talking about leaning and not like oh my god your abs and biceps are

01:23:12.580 so freaking amazing it's just like i'm leaning into and i want to please you and i want to be

01:23:16.440 pleased by you so um that's the like when i talk to the five dials like i have guys like rate

01:23:23.100 themselves like uh let me go through like really quick so they can rate themselves yeah then they

01:23:27.320 can figure out where they're at on this thing okay so she your wife's gonna judge you on how

01:23:31.740 good of a parent you are like on a scale of one to ten how good of an active parent are you not

01:23:36.240 the guy that takes him to the field and is looking at his phone is barely missing anything but like

01:23:40.300 really intentional second thing is how good of a partner you are like are you still her best friend

01:23:45.940 when can she talk to you about anything and i've noticed this about good conversationalists

01:23:50.160 and it happens with friends you pick up the story where it left off you don't keep starting at the

01:23:55.380 beginning again this is continuous yeah i'll talk to you in two or three weeks i'm like yo what

01:24:00.560 happened to the thing and and we're the story keeps moving down the line not like so how's the

01:24:06.500 weather you know it's it's you notice that people who are in communication they pick up the story

01:24:11.680 where they left off it's not so how was your day like that's a horrible question to ask somebody

01:24:15.400 how was your day it was hey how was that conversation you had with your mom today that

01:24:19.580 you told me you're gonna have hey how was your dentist appointment you were nervous about that

01:24:23.160 it's there's specificity to it so a scale of one to ten how much does your wife feel like she's

01:24:28.500 your best friend and that's emotional i always say like you know go for the soul and you'll get

01:24:32.320 the hole that's the emotional connection that we're really talking about the third thing is

01:24:37.580 producer dial how well are you producing not necessarily that you have to be rich or you're

01:24:42.000 on the up but you are ambitiously driving towards a goal most men that are just laying around the

01:24:46.960 couch doing nothing that's not very attractive that's not going to create resources for her to

01:24:51.040 feel safe so she's not gonna i mean you hear it all the time when we're like oh my husband he just

01:24:54.800 plays xbox all day yeah yeah well yeah he's a child i wouldn't be yeah i'm not surprised that

01:25:01.620 you're not attracted to them exactly right so we we understand that piece and then the fourth one

01:25:05.680 this is where the fourth and fifth hour guys really mess up and it's a player dial having fun

01:25:10.540 creating jokes creating atmosphere of you don't have to be haha chuckle up comedian guy but do

01:25:16.860 you go out and do anything fun because when we're dating we're like i want to go check out this new

01:25:20.060 place and hey let's go to this concert and there's this thing we want to do or you sit around you're

01:25:24.160 like let's watch this really fun stand-up comedy or there's there's fun involved and most guys they

01:25:29.660 stop being fun they stop uh dressing um attractively they they smell their toenails are

01:25:37.680 long like there's just all this stuff going on that a woman's like well i'm not that physically

01:25:41.620 they let themselves go yeah so scale of one to ten how fun are you and i always use the analogy

01:25:46.660 if you were single right now in the hog girl that you really wanted to bang in high school

01:25:50.800 reached out to you and said wow it looks like life's great we should connect you go perfect

01:25:54.500 gets a date what would you do between yeah that call and you would be doing your push-ups and

01:26:00.360 making sure you smell good and you'd be like trimming your toenails exactly yeah you would

01:26:04.580 be like i want to make sure my best is up well what happened that's your wife why are you acting

01:26:09.120 that way so what that so that's why the long-term attraction totally fades um so and then the fifth

01:26:14.980 dial so rate yourself on a scale one to ten and then the fifth dial is the power dial and that's

01:26:19.060 just real simple did you do what you said you do when you said you do it without fault you and i

01:26:23.700 live by this um i did everything i could to come up here because i said i'd be here right you did

01:26:28.760 everything you could to make sure this thing was set up because we said we would do here yeah you

01:26:32.940 know i mean and and it took a lot of extra effort on both parts to make it happen but i didn't sweat

01:26:39.580 it i know you didn't sweat it because this is just i said i knew it was reliable we're doing here

01:26:44.180 we're doing it so but most men don't do that they're like i'll be home at five and they're

01:26:47.980 always home at 5 20 with a big excuse or my wife said hey can you hang these pictures on the wall

01:26:52.620 and six weeks later after nagging me she's like i don't want to nag you but if you said you're

01:26:56.300 going to do it why aren't you doing it i used to do this thing this makes me sound like a piece of

01:27:00.180 crap but i used to do this thing when you're talking about getting home late i can't i call

01:27:04.380 i even had a term for it i can't even remember what it was like collapsing collapsing time frame

01:27:09.040 or i came up with some clever term for it and i would just i'd work late like i told my ex that

01:27:15.660 i'd be home at five and then i would end up working late like it's never anything nefarious

01:27:20.500 i wasn't having an affair or anything but it's like no i'm just working um but i always felt

01:27:26.140 guilty because i told her i'd be home at 5 30 and it would be closer to six yeah and so i would do

01:27:30.280 this little clever maneuver where i'd you know go get gas and then i'd get home a half an hour

01:27:35.720 later and she's like oh you're late i'm like oh yeah i had to get gas and then the elevator wasn't

01:27:41.480 working and this and that and it's like technically i did get gas technically there was a little

01:27:47.680 traffic because i went the long scenic route home yeah it's such a silly thing to do man it's like

01:27:53.840 you can't be reliable yeah and and they know that they can sniff that shit out totally so we i came

01:28:00.780 up with a clever phrase that when the trust goes down the lust goes down so when she can no longer

01:28:05.520 lean on you she's like oh well then i i have to watch out for myself which means puts her back

01:28:10.380 kind of masculine. I had a, I had a woman who, um, she was, she was working a, a late shift,

01:28:18.000 like a night shift and she has an hour commute. And so I knew she got off at like seven o'clock

01:28:25.720 or whatever, or six, actually six o'clock. And so I said, okay, cool. Calm, call me on your way home.

01:28:31.900 And she's like, no, it's Saturday. I'm not going to call you. You're probably going to be sleeping.

01:28:35.240 I'm like, I already set my alarm for five 30. And she's like, okay. And she didn't say anything

01:28:39.560 about it and i texted her at 5 30 i'm like are you on the road are you getting on the road

01:28:42.960 and she's like i'm just amazed that a man's actually following through on what he said

01:28:48.080 he was going to do i'm like well yeah i told you i was going to check in on you at 6 a.m and make

01:28:52.380 sure you get home safely you just put a 12 hour shift in you're not used to that schedule yeah so

01:28:57.280 it's amazing how easy the bar has never been lower that's all you have to do is you don't

01:29:03.680 to jump over it you just have to slide over it it's so low so this this do what you say can do

01:29:10.440 when you say can do um don't be a pouty bitch if you ask for sex and she rejects you like these

01:29:14.900 are real simple things so that's the five dials invitation without obligation invitation no

01:29:19.360 obligation and that's a provocateur and and all the five dials equal provocateur which means a

01:29:24.380 man who provokes his woman to lust after him want to be with him attracted to him so if you rate

01:29:30.440 yourself on a scale of one to 10 all those you're going to come up out of 50 just double that out

01:29:33.620 of 100 and that'll give you like your letter grade well most guys listening to this if not

01:29:39.400 every guy in here will get a c minus or below they'll get like a 72 or below most guys and

01:29:45.960 they're like i want an a plus wife well dude you're a c minus guy and and i was bro my score

01:29:53.060 was interesting my score was 19 out of 100 when jesse left me yeah going back i had her rate me

01:29:59.880 hey will you rate me when i was that guy and so she's like yeah you were a one there a one there

01:30:05.740 you're always a pretty good provider you were and i'm just like on it was an honest yeah i'm like

01:30:11.280 so i basically got a 19th and she's like yeah that that doesn't even show up on the i'm not

01:30:16.840 even one fifth of a man there's not even on the skin like no one there's no curve would help me

01:30:22.520 on that one and it was like so if a guy understands where he's at on that if he becomes that because

01:30:30.000 i don't believe attraction is a choice we don't choose who we're attracted to and if she was

01:30:34.840 attracted to this guy at the beginning she's lost attraction either he stopped doing attractive

01:30:39.940 things or started doing unattractive things if he starts doing attractive things again and stops

01:30:44.720 doing unattractive things the chemical rush has come back well plus not only that i agree with you

01:30:50.460 but also she wants it to work out she's praying it's way worse for her if it doesn't work out

01:30:59.180 so not to mention the biological stuff that's going on yeah logically practically it's a prudent

01:31:06.560 thing for it to work out for her 100 so you have multiple things in your favor she's i say

01:31:12.960 every guy you're like saying i'm like unless you've gone too far and usually if she's left

01:31:18.980 once. And if she's losing, leaving a second or a third time, there's almost a piece of her that

01:31:25.660 says, I have to leave for my own self esteem to know that I'm not going to get talked back into

01:31:33.020 again and again. And I mean, I experienced that. I respect that. I go, I respect that.

01:31:38.280 And the other part that I experienced too was, um, once is, is an anomaly, right? So it's like,

01:31:47.040 okay, I felt like I had to leave once.

01:31:49.600 That's a one-off.

01:31:51.020 Twice?

01:31:52.200 Developing a pattern, right?

01:31:53.200 It's a pattern.

01:31:53.640 Yeah, a pattern.

01:31:54.260 So when I was going through my divorce,

01:31:57.460 you know, we had a lot of conversations, obviously.

01:31:59.900 Yeah.

01:32:00.820 And one of the things that she brought up is she's like,

01:32:03.540 even if I came back in six years,

01:32:07.020 we're going to do this again.

01:32:09.920 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, we won't.

01:32:11.920 We won't.

01:32:12.760 I mean, that's a pretty rational thought,

01:32:16.120 if I'm being honest.

01:32:16.700 how would she know no one's got a crystal ball right you guys when they come through our program

01:32:21.100 to get their exes back they'll be like my wife's going how am i gonna know and i go tell her you

01:32:26.100 don't right i don't have a crystal ball either and most guys trying to get more sex they're they

01:32:31.040 they do more dishes they try and you know say yes more and they they try and behavior modify

01:32:36.160 themselves but she's watching and going why is he doing this so she'll test because people test

01:32:40.920 what they want to trust right so she tests and be like like if this is the classic example a guy

01:32:46.440 starts going to the gym and she goes oh why are you going to the gym there's somebody else in your

01:32:49.280 life and he goes do you not like it when i'm going to the gym i thought i was doing this for you and

01:32:52.980 that's the worst thing you could say she's like doing it for me do it for you bitch the best thing

01:32:57.880 you could say is because i like the way i feel when i go to the gym that's why that exactly so

01:33:03.280 become the most attractive version of you for you so to be able to sit down and have a conversation

01:33:07.180 and go i like when you wrap your legs around me and call me big dog when i come home or i i love

01:33:11.580 when you wake me up with a blowjob on thursday or i love uh you know what it'd be meaningful for me

01:33:16.700 for you to do x y and z you said it if you have your five dials up this is and you know this is

01:33:23.480 i'm that simplistic like where are you at with your dials every single day we try and get all

01:33:27.260 five dials every single day where are you at with it we talk about what was your intention on

01:33:31.980 getting like did you plan here's how i'm going to get my dials or did you think they were just

01:33:35.420 going to magically appear so we have an intentional score and it's either you did it or you didn't

01:33:41.340 You either did it or you didn't.

01:33:42.760 Really simple.

01:33:44.280 I believe firmly, because I've experienced this in my life,

01:33:47.060 that if you really dial in your five dials,

01:33:50.280 she will follow you down any path of pleasure you want to go.

01:33:54.500 Anyone you want.

01:33:55.480 Because she'll be like, I trust this guy.

01:33:57.580 I'm safe with this guy.

01:33:58.760 You're safe.

01:33:59.120 I love bringing pleasure.

01:34:00.580 And that's the other thing.

01:34:01.200 You said, does it feel more mechanical?

01:34:02.500 I want to say this.

01:34:04.580 There are things that I do for my wife that do not come naturally to me.

01:34:08.120 I don't know how much TV you watch, but I'm going to take a wild guess.

01:34:10.880 it's probably not very much no not okay here's how much i watch lion tigers and bear documentaries

01:34:16.920 okay um and ufc yep i did watch ufc the other night and a good movie that is gonna rile me up

01:34:24.540 for like excitement guess what jesse wants to watch reality tv show yeah i'm not judging her

01:34:30.260 for watching that in fact i watch a show with her every night you know why because it's what

01:34:35.800 makes her feel loved so she sees me modeling and that's what i'm doing my model is modeling what i

01:34:42.520 want in return because i believe in the mirror the law of the mirror yeah so i go wait so you

01:34:47.160 like this reality tv stuff and it you like the inside jokes and you like talking about it with

01:34:51.480 me of course i would do that so when i go wouldn't you do that so so well i'm like i don't like tv

01:34:56.980 and i'm too busy and i got this yeah but you wouldn't have said that when you were dating

01:35:00.660 dum-dum you that's true you see what i mean so it's like dude here's the thing a guy this is a

01:35:05.500 really good example um i know you've i know we're kind of getting tight on time okay so here's let

01:35:10.940 me let me show you this last one when you were dating your wife every guy has the story of oh

01:35:17.540 my god i forgot my glasses an hour and a half you know we drove somewhere and like i forgot my

01:35:22.360 glasses yeah you drive back and you get them we have the story of the married guy why did you

01:35:27.580 forget him what the fuck god i thought you were smarter than that instead of what you would have

01:35:33.340 done what you would have done was no problem let's go back and get him babe i'll get him

01:35:36.920 that is the energy i'm talking about and as you know this is what i teach in my modules it's what

01:35:42.660 i teach in my coaching i'm always wondering why are you doing this are do you have a high standard

01:35:48.140 and when you have a high standard for you and she can lean into it you can ask for anything you want

01:35:53.800 and she'll be like i would love to get it and it even if it's not natural for her to do it the fact

01:35:58.700 that she's willing to do it that's more loving than if it was natural if jesse said you know

01:36:04.380 how i want to spend time with you keith i want to go do jujitsu i'd be like that's easy i'm going

01:36:08.920 to go there anyway yeah if she goes hey will you watch this show with me that's not that easy but

01:36:15.060 you still will but i would do it because that's what love actually is so i think these are some

01:36:19.600 of the frames that we we get into well and i think too like the the scheduling like we're talking

01:36:24.760 about is i mean you schedule your work because it's important yeah you schedule your going to

01:36:30.540 your kids sports things because it's important yeah you know you schedule going to the gym

01:36:35.340 because it's important so why would anybody be upset that you're scheduling sex or dates or

01:36:43.160 intimacy or connection or fill in the blank i don't know but they sure hate me on the internet

01:36:46.760 for saying it for scheduling oh i get a lot of i got a lot of hate for that oh it should be

01:36:51.040 spontaneous and i look at the profile i'm like bro you haven't been late in two years what are

01:36:54.160 you talking about but also like but i understand the question because i know does it ruin the

01:36:58.320 spontaneity sure but look also two things can exist at once that's exactly right so like if

01:37:03.780 you schedule it and you have this expect not expectation but this this frame that you guys

01:37:10.120 operate yeah it's not like you can't go to her in the middle of the day and say hey i'm i'm home for

01:37:16.060 home for a quickie i want you and i want to ravish you it happens you'll actually be more interested

01:37:20.300 in that it happens more often like that you hey we have sex a few times a week we know it's on

01:37:24.980 the calendar and we're at a steakhouse and we're both like are you feeling what i'm feeling like

01:37:29.780 yeah let's go check hey let's let's go to the let's go to the thing where we can lock the door

01:37:34.340 like i found more spontaneity comes when you have consistency but isn't that when you're good when

01:37:41.100 you consistently are doing sales you notice the big one comes right and you're not having to live

01:37:46.300 off of the big one because you're consistent with the small ones and then the big one comes

01:37:49.500 it it's kind of like in baseball you know the best hitters like you take somebody like Tony

01:37:54.700 Gwynn or Ted Williams considered both of those guys considered arguably the greatest hitters of

01:37:59.640 all time yeah they just get on base all the time yeah and then it's no surprise that they also hit

01:38:05.220 a lot of home runs because they're the mechanics of the swing is down yeah it's just yeah Ryan

01:38:10.880 dude before we close I just want to like say like how stoked I am for you because I've seen you too

01:38:17.800 as a man grow through all this and when we were talking going through your divorce man who you are

01:38:21.800 now it's just crazy it's just a different dude man and just i feel like there's more light there

01:38:26.760 you're lighter and there's of course because that was a very dark time but i just feel like the more

01:38:30.500 we talk and the longer our friendship grows you just seem um from an outside looking in even though

01:38:36.580 i know i'm your friend but like you just seem like there is more joy and there's more light

01:38:41.180 there's more love in you man and it's it's it's palpable being here this time i think the thing

01:38:46.140 more than anything else is the relationship that i have with my kids like it's just better life is

01:38:52.900 pretty good you know yeah ups and downs but life is good all right brother i appreciate you hey

01:38:57.060 thanks for being numero uno in the new studio can i tell them where to go if they want if they

01:39:01.280 want yeah actually yeah i'm sorry i was i didn't even think about that yeah but where do you want

01:39:04.360 these guys to connect if they want to follow me on instagram we have a bunch of reels come out

01:39:07.860 every day um uh at keith yaki and then married game.com is where they can go watch a short video

01:39:15.380 if they want to talk with me literally have tell me their situation i can chat with them and then

01:39:19.600 if they i always encourage people this if they want to hear my wife and i talk about this stuff

01:39:24.180 we also have a podcast kind of fun if they like this topic and they go hey let's let's listen to

01:39:28.580 jesse bus keeps balls and we talk about scheduling sex and all the fun things that you and i talk

01:39:33.680 about you hear like a lady who's beautiful actually talking about that's just a couple

01:39:37.240 dudes with beards yeah um not so beautiful yeah not so beautiful but good hearts uh it's the

01:39:43.600 Married Game podcast. We'll sync everything up. Appreciate you, man. I love you, bro. All right.

01:39:49.060 All right, gentlemen, there you go. My conversation with the one and only Keith Yackey. Like I said,

01:39:52.720 a good friend of mine and the very first in-person podcast we've done in the studio.

01:39:57.860 I'm sure you'll have feedback for me. Highs and lows, ups and downs, goods and bads,

01:40:02.420 and everything in between. I'm always open to it, but I've got some really, really cool ideas

01:40:07.420 for the studio. And I'm very excited to share those with you. So make sure you go over to

01:40:13.620 youtube.com slash order of man. I want you to see this if you're just listening and you can drop

01:40:19.120 your feedback in the comments. I've got a new desk coming in. We've got some new designs coming in

01:40:25.260 for the backdrops. We've got some new mics and camera equipment coming in. So I'm really excited

01:40:31.280 about the next evolution of the order of man podcast. I think you will be too. Again, check it

01:40:35.640 out at youtube.com slash order of man and also sign up for that preview call on wednesday august

01:40:41.860 12th at 8 p.m eastern go to the iron council.com slash preview and of course connect with my guest

01:40:48.820 and my good friend keith yackie if your marriage is struggling or if you don't want it to struggle

01:40:55.200 go to themarriedgame.com and connect keith over there all right guys i just recorded a very

01:41:01.280 powerful Ask Me Anything and Friday Field Notes, so make sure you subscribe, leave a rating and

01:41:06.320 reviews, and connect with us tomorrow for our Ask Me Anything. Until then, go out there, take action,

01:41:13.240 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:41:19.560 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:41:23.260 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:41:31.280 You

Order of Man - July 21, 2026

KEITH YACKEY ｜ The 5 Dials of a Better Marriage

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