Order of Man - Small Talk Creates Big Opportunity ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You don't need to be interesting, you need to be interested.

00:00:03.980 If you can be interested in other people, you will be interesting.

00:00:07.960 That's where guys get it wrong.

00:00:09.120 I have to be interesting and then people will like me. 0.93

00:00:12.940 No, they'll like you less because you're obnoxious and pretentious and kind of full of yourself.

00:00:18.860 But if you go into an interaction with curiosity and trying to figure out who they are

00:00:24.000 and asking about challenges and struggles and who their favorite sports teams are

00:00:29.080 and why they moved to Central Texas and what brought them there,

00:00:33.700 why they moved away from Central Texas.

00:00:35.380 Those are two different games.

00:00:37.880 Guys, as you know, most of us hate small talk.

00:00:41.540 We think it's weak.

00:00:44.000 We think it's beneath us.

00:00:45.720 We think it's a waste of time or breath for guys,

00:00:50.000 maybe even who don't have anything real or significant to say.

00:00:54.340 So what we often do as men is we skip it.

00:00:56.820 you know we'll go into that meeting and go straight for the jugular straight to the agenda 0.99

00:01:02.580 straight to the ass straight for the kill or maybe we'll stand behind a woman in the grocery store 0.99

00:01:07.740 line and we'll come up with a thousand different things that we can say to this woman and we say 0.99

00:01:13.780 none of it because it just doesn't feel that important or at least it doesn't feel important

00:01:19.200 enough to justify flapping our gums about it but here's the reality is that when you don't engage

00:01:31.980 in small talk it's costing you and i used to be on the other side of the fence like i don't want

00:01:36.540 to small talk i don't want to waste time i don't want to talk about the weather the sports or the

00:01:40.400 traffic or whatever i don't want to do that but what i want you to know as i shared this concept

00:01:47.160 with you over the next, I don't know, 15 or 20 minutes is that small talk is never about the

00:01:52.260 words that you're sharing. Okay. The guy in a business meeting who spends, even if it's just

00:01:58.140 90 seconds on how was your flight today? How was the, how was the flight in? How was the drive in

00:02:05.860 before he gets into that pitch? Isn't wasting a bunch of time. He's finding out if this person

00:02:12.000 is a man that he wants to work with. And that other guy is finding out if you're the kind of

00:02:16.440 man he wants to work with. Before any money has exchanged hands, any transaction, any contract

00:02:23.340 signed, I want to know, is this a guy I even like? Or the man in the grocery store line who says to

00:02:30.980 the woman in front of him who might be attractive, and maybe he notices a bottle of wine and says,

00:02:37.960 hey, it looks like you know something about wine. And I don't know anything about it. What is it

00:02:44.240 that i'm looking at is that a good year is that a good flavor i don't i don't know anything about

00:02:49.180 wine either but is that a good flavor is that a good year like tell me about it that guy isn't

00:02:56.080 making chit chat what he's potentially doing is he's opening a door that most guys will walk

00:03:03.420 right past and then they'll wonder to themselves why don't people like me why why why do i not have

00:03:09.900 good relationships why do the opportunities to go go to other people and what I want you to

00:03:17.540 understand among other things there's other principles at work here but what I need you

00:03:21.520 to understand is that small talk emphasis on the word small does not mean unimportant

00:03:28.640 small talk to me equates to low risk and again I used to sit on the other side of the table where 1.00

00:03:36.440 I thought, this is stupid, this is silly, this is a waste of time. But now I see now, all I'm doing 1.00

00:03:41.840 is opening the door. It's like walking up to the front door of my house and turning the knob. It

00:03:46.540 doesn't take a lot of effort to turn the knob, but that's what allows me to go inside and have my

00:03:52.780 sanctuary, my reprieve, my efficiency and effectiveness with the business or spending

00:03:59.280 time with my kids. Okay, low risk, what you guys need to understand is low risk is where opportunities

00:04:06.180 hide. And opportunities are just waiting on you being willing to just say something, anything,

00:04:17.000 open the door. Even if you flounder, even if you flop around and you sound silly and foolish and 0.99

00:04:22.500 stupid, just open the dang door. And that's what I want to get into today. How a man turns small 1.00

00:04:33.300 talk into big opportunity but a lot of guys will dismiss this again we'll write it off we'll say

00:04:41.500 it's a waste of time we'll say it's fake or it's shallow or one of the things i used to say is

00:04:46.360 small talk it just felt and seemed like this sleazy action reserved for furniture salesmen

00:04:55.040 or used car salesmen just trying to be slick and sell me an overpriced couch or a lemon of a car

00:05:02.600 okay most guys especially if you're listening to this podcast would rather talk about something

00:05:08.160 real strategy finances money empire ideas big ideas or just not talk at all i can say this as

00:05:17.540 i often joke around that i'm an extroverted introvert my default is introversion but i can

00:05:25.080 be extroverted because i realize the importance of it so i can tell you as an introvert who tries

00:05:30.460 to be extroverted, that it works. But I get the instinct. I understand why you don't want to talk

00:05:38.160 about the weather. I don't care. How many people have you talked with, regardless of where they

00:05:44.780 live? This is crazy. Hear me out on this one. And maybe you guys agree or disagree. Is there a

00:05:49.280 climate in the history of this planet and humankind where a person doesn't say, just wait 40 minutes

00:05:55.420 and the climate will change.

00:05:57.020 Everybody says that about wherever they live.

00:06:00.780 I don't care about your weather.

00:06:03.340 Frankly, I don't really care about your traffic

00:06:05.300 coming into town.

00:06:06.460 I don't, it doesn't matter to me.

00:06:10.300 Okay, or what sports team won what?

00:06:13.700 You know, everybody's talking about the World Cup

00:06:15.300 and, you know, maybe I have a slight increase

00:06:20.100 in respect for the game of soccer,

00:06:23.060 but I still don't care.

00:06:24.020 I don't know who wins or doesn't. Norway, I think, was in it. We lost. Maybe England was in the final. I don't know unless I see it on social media or the news because I don't care.

00:06:36.840 Okay, nobody's life changes because they had a rainstorm. Nobody's life changes because they had a lot of traffic coming into town to get here.

00:06:49.660 nobody's life changes because england won or world the lost the world cup again i maybe they did they

00:06:57.720 might have been in the in the quarterfinals or semi i don't know because i don't care okay but

00:07:03.080 here this is good this is good that i don't care because i'm talking you about why small talk is

00:07:08.220 important because here's the mistake men confuse the content of small talk with the function of

00:07:19.140 small talk that's what i want to talk to you about what is functional about it the the words

00:07:26.180 that we're saying are are about the weather or the traffic aren't about the weather or traffic

00:07:32.980 it's just again it's just the door that we're opening to our house but what's actually happening

00:07:38.440 underneath the surface is that two people are deciding do i even like this person is this person

00:07:45.220 somebody i can trust is this person somebody i respect is this person somebody who i enjoy

00:07:50.660 talking with in real time is this person somebody worth knowing even and and what i what i think of

00:07:58.520 it as now is that small talk is it's it's almost like reconnaissance a little bit it's the

00:08:06.040 reconnaissance phase it's what happens before any real relationship exists you don't get to skip it

00:08:13.260 you can only get better at it or worse or just ignore it every business partnership every

00:08:21.440 mentorship every marriage you've ever heard of started with some version of small talk nobody

00:08:27.280 meets a stranger and opens with the terms of the deal the terms of the arrangement the deal comes

00:08:33.220 later but the door that you're trying to open comes first and what i want you to know is that

00:08:41.040 this is not performative sometimes think people think it's performative small talk isn't performance

00:08:47.800 where you have to be charming or interesting or clever or cute or funny or you know fill in your

00:08:54.760 adjective of choice it's again reconnaissance it's a fact-finding mission where your only job

00:09:01.120 is to just gather information and pay attention to the other person because people like being

00:09:05.600 paid attention to. Some of the best conversations I've ever had in, in hindsight, looking back are

00:09:11.500 the ones where that person didn't, didn't really say much. I did all the talking. Why? Because

00:09:18.240 people like to talk about themselves and too many men get this backwards. They walk into a room

00:09:23.920 thinking, you know, what do I say? What do I do? What makes me sound impressive? What's the question

00:09:29.960 that puts this into perspective

00:09:33.540 or makes me sound really wealthy or sophisticated

00:09:37.020 or puts all that interaction on you.

00:09:40.740 And what that does is actually counterintuitive.

00:09:44.220 It makes you stiff, makes you weird.

00:09:47.200 People think you're on the spectrum when you do it that way,

00:09:50.140 even though you might not be.

00:09:52.040 It makes you self-conscious.

00:09:54.000 Oh, what does this person think of me right now?

00:09:56.160 And frankly, it just makes you forgettable

00:09:57.880 because you're performing.

00:09:59.960 the role instead of actually being the role instead of actually connecting but the man who

00:10:05.680 does this well walks in with a different line of questioning what can i learn about this person

00:10:12.360 in the next two to three minutes you know it's funny when when i play i love sports because it

00:10:19.060 gives you a really good indication of how a person is very quickly i could train with a person let's

00:10:26.140 say jujitsu for example for 30 seconds and know that this person is intense or passive or has

00:10:34.660 self-esteem issues or is confident i could go on to the golf course and see a person swing and say

00:10:41.040 that guy is confident or i could see it and say that guy is not confident and has less to do with

00:10:47.340 the mechanics of his swing than it does with his demeanor and that shift that you're going to make

00:10:52.980 from performance to curiosity.

00:10:55.460 It takes all of the pressure off of you

00:10:57.760 and it puts the attention where it belongs

00:10:59.820 on the other person.

00:11:02.980 Attention, guys, real attention is rare enough

00:11:05.800 that when people receive it, it's like a magnet. 0.99

00:11:10.700 It's a fucking magnet. 1.00

00:11:13.840 If your kid comes up to you and says, 1.00

00:11:15.600 hey dad, I wanna share this thing about my day or whatever

00:11:18.280 and you take your phone and you're like,

00:11:20.120 and you put it on the desk

00:11:21.640 or you put it in your pocket and you're like what's up bud talk to me you're a magnet for them

00:11:28.140 if if you take a woman on a date whether she's somebody you just met or your wife of 20 years

00:11:36.100 and you're driving and maybe you got some music on in the background and your phone is in your

00:11:42.120 pocket or upside down on the center console or out of sight and you're actually asking real

00:11:49.380 questions and talking with her and laughing with her and joking and asking about who she is,

00:11:58.560 bro, you're magnetic. If you sit down with a client, instead of whipping out your sales charts

00:12:04.460 and your PowerPoint presentation and all your super amazing, incredible words and just ask

00:12:11.500 good questions about your client, you're magnetic. You don't need to be interesting.

00:12:17.920 you need to be interested if you can be interested in other people you will be interesting

00:12:23.960 that's where guys get it wrong i have to be interesting and then people will like me no 0.96

00:12:30.060 they'll like you less because you're obnoxious and pretentious and kind of full of yourself

00:12:35.440 but if you go into an interaction with curiosity and trying to figure out who they are and asking

00:12:42.660 about challenges and struggles and who their favorite sports teams are and why they moved to

00:12:48.440 Central Texas and what brought them there, why they moved away from Central Texas. Those are

00:12:53.620 two different games. And one of those games, the curiosity games, builds opportunity. So I want to

00:13:00.340 give you four really simple moves. These are not tactics for performance. These are just tools that

00:13:06.840 you're going to use when it comes to small talk. Okay, first move. We got four moves. First move.

00:13:12.660 ask a follow-up question, not the opener, right?

00:13:18.040 So anyone can ask, so, you know, tell me what you do.

00:13:22.040 It's a fine question, it's okay,

00:13:24.580 but it's not the greatest question.

00:13:28.800 That opener, tell me what you do,

00:13:31.460 isn't what makes us interesting or interested or unique,

00:13:34.980 it's what you do with that answer.

00:13:36.800 So most guys will hear the answer and they'll nod

00:13:39.380 and then they'll wait for their turn

00:13:41.460 to talk about themselves. So for example, maybe you're on a date, first date. So what do you do

00:13:49.220 for work? That's the opener, right? What do you do for work? And she says, I work in the hospital

00:13:55.540 as a nurse practitioner, and I'm trying to go back to school to get these other credentials.

00:14:01.600 And your eyes glaze over and gloss over. You're like waiting, you're tapping your fingers on the

00:14:06.020 desk. You're like, I wish you'd just finish up so I could tell her what I do. Okay, that's not

00:14:11.140 engagement. The follow-up is where, as they say, the fortune is. So the follow-up to that question

00:14:17.980 is, that's amazing. Nurse practitioner, wow, what got you into that line of work?

00:14:24.380 And she says, oh, you know, when I was a kid, my mom was in the business or my dad,

00:14:29.080 he was a healthcare professional and he talked about how important the work was. And

00:14:33.880 he shared all these, these insights about helping people. And then it's not like, okay, cool. And

00:14:42.740 then skip over to your question. It's like, whoa. So your dad was in healthcare. Was he a doctor?

00:14:47.360 Was he a nurse practitioner? Like you're talking about what, what was his, what was his thing?

00:14:52.940 Guys, the deeper you can go, it actually takes pressure off of you because you don't need to 0.98

00:14:57.500 worry about, oh shit, what am I going to say? I don't know what to say. You don't need to say 0.99

00:15:00.580 anything. Again, it's very simple. It's, hey, what made you get into that? Here's another one.

00:15:07.920 What's the hardest part of that? Like, what's your biggest struggle right now? Just go one layer

00:15:12.580 deeper than everyone else does. And that's all it takes to be memorable. That story I talked about

00:15:18.960 a minute ago, the made up story about the woman in the line who's got a bottle of wine in front

00:15:24.280 of you at the grocery store. And you're like, hey, it looks like you know something about wine.

00:15:28.980 I have no idea. Tell me about that. And she's like, oh yeah, I love this wine. It's so, again,

00:15:35.300 I don't know nothing about it. It's like so flavorful or delicious or whatever. It's like,

00:15:40.780 oh, okay. Have you tried a ton of different wine? What makes it the best? Is it the sweetness? Is

00:15:47.940 it the fragrance? Is it the taste? Is it the way that makes you feel? What is it about that one?

00:15:55.000 I want to know. And she's like, oh, I just, I just love the taste. And another question might be,

00:16:00.140 oh, well, that's cool. What's the worst that you've ever tried? And now she's like, oh yeah,

00:16:04.980 I bought this one wine on a whim. My friend told me about it and it just tasted like absolute

00:16:09.580 garbage. And I will never do that again. You see how easy it is when you just start to ask 0.92

00:16:14.140 really good questions. That's what makes you memorable because nobody does it.

00:16:19.380 you'll ask her about the wine and she's like yeah I like this year and this vintage again I don't

00:16:26.920 know and and you're like oh yeah okay that one's okay but I like this one instead it's like dude

00:16:31.400 why did you just move the attention away from her over to you I was talking with one of my coaching

00:16:37.860 clients yesterday and and we were doing some role play about how he could transition conversations

00:16:43.360 into a sale. And I can't remember the exact scenario, but I, as the potential client had

00:16:50.460 given him an objective and he went straight into sales mode. I said, well, stop timeout. Hold on.

00:16:56.160 You're going into sales mode. I got to get you out of sales mode. I want you to get into curiosity

00:17:01.540 mode. So instead of telling me why what you do is better, instead, why don't you ask why what I

00:17:08.020 have done has not worked. And he's like, oh, okay, got it. Always ask questions. Okay. Number two,

00:17:15.280 be more memorable, not impressive. Nobody cares about your accolades. Nobody cares. And even if

00:17:20.820 they do, you just sound pretentious and stupid. Okay. We, we, as men, we default into trying to 1.00

00:17:25.880 sound successful in a two minute conversation, but you know, what's really ironic. If you're

00:17:31.120 not focused on trying to sound impressive, you're actually perceived as more impressive because

00:17:36.000 the loudest guy is often the least impressive. And if I have to sit here and beat on my chest

00:17:41.420 like a freaking gorilla and tell you how amazing I am, nobody believes that. What they believe is 0.92

00:17:48.160 the quiet, calm, confident, secure man. So you don't need to get in the job title, the deal you

00:17:55.700 just closed, how much you can bench press. That'd be freaking weird if you led with that, but I'm

00:18:02.460 sure there's been weirder things. Okay. Nobody remembers that. Or if they do, they remember it

00:18:06.940 for all the wrong reasons. But what people actually remember is how that conversation

00:18:11.940 made them feel. And whether you said anything specific enough to stick, you know, ask those

00:18:19.080 sharp questions, make an observation about a person that nobody else in the room made.

00:18:25.740 If you see a beautiful woman and you're like, Hey, you're beautiful, bro. She hears that all

00:18:29.540 the time. She's beautiful. We know, we get it. She knows, she gets it. So why not tease her a little

00:18:35.620 bit? Why not give her a hard time? Not mean-spirited, but flirtatious, playing around. Man, if you're

00:18:43.700 the first guy that points out something kind of funny, you have a huge advantage over the guy

00:18:49.900 that's like, your eyes are beautiful. She knows that. She knows her eyes are pretty. Every single

00:18:55.820 guide tells her that. Do something different. Okay, resumes, they get forgotten. That's why

00:19:01.980 when I see, you know, we're getting close to midterms right now, and all the political signs

00:19:08.160 are starting to go up on the corners, and I drive by, and there's this person, that person, this

00:19:12.420 person for county commission, this person for governor, this person for senate, and they all

00:19:16.560 look the same. But what if there was, if I ever ran for office, I would do bright green or bright

00:19:23.620 purple as my colors because it's memorable it's different it's unique don't be forgotten

00:19:29.840 do something unique do something interesting even take a risk and by the way if you take a risk in

00:19:35.860 small chat and small conversations who cares probably never even see that person again

00:19:42.020 i i've often heard and and i feel this to be true is that the guys in jujitsu who get started but

00:19:49.100 are willing to experiment rather than to default to their skill set are the ones who get better

00:19:54.260 it's like i'm just here experimenting i'm just going to try something and see if it works

00:19:57.900 all right move number three is to follow up with that person in 48 hours at least 48 hours

00:20:07.140 probably sooner okay and this is where 90 of guys lose everything that you just spent your

00:20:13.380 time building you'll have a great conversation whether it's on a dating app or you meet somebody

00:20:19.660 or you have a new client or you have you went to a business function and you met some potential

00:20:24.540 new business partners you have that great conversation you exchange information and

00:20:29.380 then you just let it die in a phone or in your pocket in a business card that you'll never open

00:20:35.660 again and the conversation really isn't that the the opportunity i already said that it just opens

00:20:41.840 the door you still got to step inside and so the follow-up is really where the opportunity is

00:20:46.580 you know it could be a quick message hey it was great to talk with you about x yesterday

00:20:52.800 um here's that here's that thing i mentioned or hey you shared an idea with me i implemented it

00:20:59.020 yesterday afternoon and it worked like a charm thank you or that woman if you get her number

00:21:04.100 and she's talking about wine and you get her number at the grocery store to go to the grocery

00:21:08.340 store and pick out a bottle of wine and take a picture and say, hey, I got this one. Is this a

00:21:12.240 good one or a bad one? What do you think? Follow up. What are you doing? It's so disheartening

00:21:19.000 when I see guys who actually open the door and then they don't follow up with anything. And

00:21:22.900 they're like, how come that person never followed up? Because you were supposed to.

00:21:26.800 You were the man, not that person. Close the loop, guys. What it does is it turns a stranger

00:21:33.740 into a contact for you but if you skip this step and and the 20 minutes or 30 minutes or hour that

00:21:41.460 you just spent about the team about the wine about the traffic about the weather yeah that was a waste

00:21:47.560 of time totally a waste of time use it as leverage not to manipulate somebody else but leverage to

00:21:56.240 get your foot in the door and then get your calf in the door and your thigh in the door and then

00:22:00.840 walk through the door. And the last step that I'm going to share with you guys today is that when

00:22:06.180 it comes to small talk, I want you to treat every single room that you're in like it matters

00:22:10.340 because you don't actually know which one does. You will never know. That woman at the grocery

00:22:17.340 store might be the love of your life or potentially a powerful business ally that you never would have

00:22:25.280 imagined if you didn't talk with her the client may or may not become a client the prospect may

00:22:32.700 or may not become a client but they might introduce you to two dozen other people who

00:22:38.980 will become some of the biggest clients you've ever known the business partner who or your boss

00:22:47.080 who you feel a disconnection from if you can engage in enough small talk to actually get to

00:22:52.520 know the person might become a powerful ally when it comes time for promotion or a business partner

00:22:58.400 when it comes time to start a business. Everything matters. I can't tell you, I've had this happen on

00:23:06.600 multiple occasions where maybe I'm on a plane or, well, here's an example. I had a guy call me.

00:23:15.840 He's been in the Iron Council for a long time. His name is Alan. He's one of our best members

00:23:19.900 and a tremendous ally in our Brotherhood, the Iron Council.

00:23:23.040 And he calls me up or he texted me and he said,

00:23:25.120 hey, Ryan, I'm at this event and it's a business event.

00:23:29.760 And I sat down and I had my order of man hat on or shirt on.

00:23:33.640 I think he had his shirt on.

00:23:34.980 And the guy next to me at the event said he listens to that podcast.

00:23:38.700 And we had a really good conversation.

00:23:40.100 I said, okay, well, Alan, what's his name?

00:23:42.980 And so Alan gave me his name and I sent Alan a video message to this gentleman.

00:23:47.400 and I sent him a message. It was like a minute long, two minutes long, whatever it was. And I

00:23:51.920 just said, Hey man, I'm, I heard you're with Alan. Alan's a solid as they come. He's been a good

00:23:56.080 friend and a good ally for me. And I can't speak highly enough about the guy. And I just want to

00:24:01.000 tell you, I appreciate you listening to the podcast. That's pretty cool. You guys bumped

00:24:04.040 into each other. Um, I hope the, I hope the networking thing or the business function goes

00:24:08.760 well and a really cool to connect. That's it. It literally took me 90 seconds. And Alan reached

00:24:15.800 out to me a couple of days ago and he's like, Hey man, I gave that video to that guy. I'm like,

00:24:20.380 Oh cool. And he said, yeah, he told me now he has to join. I didn't do it. So he would join

00:24:28.140 the iron council. I did it because I actually care about people. I did it because I appreciate

00:24:33.920 when people listen to what we do and they're supportive of what we do, but the opportunity

00:24:38.340 came no less guys huge opportunities will present themselves when you just go out of your way to

00:24:46.580 talk with people and maybe they won't in some cases so what a good conversation is well worth

00:24:52.060 it you know it's that it's that guy next to you at the kids baseball game or or the man i i ran

00:24:59.000 into a guy at the grocery store today he um i was in line and i forgot i wanted to get a bottle of

00:25:05.600 water. So I, I told the clerk, nobody was behind me at the time. And I told the clerk, Hey, I'm

00:25:09.880 just going to go run and grab a bottle of water. And she's like, cool. Yeah, go grab it. So I ran

00:25:13.640 over there, grabbed a bottle of water, brought it back up to the line. And in the meantime, a guy

00:25:17.300 had come behind me and he was waiting. And I'm like, Hey man, I'm so sorry. Like, thanks for

00:25:22.460 being patient. I just had to grab this bottle of water. And I just smiled at him. I was friendly

00:25:26.040 and, and, you know, cordial and courteous. And he's like, Hey, no problem at all. He's like,

00:25:29.980 I love that smile. He's like, keep wearing that smile, man. And he's like, what's your name? I'm

00:25:33.820 like i'm ryan and he said his name i can't remember it right off hand and we shook hands and i said

00:25:38.580 oh that's cool i appreciate just being patient i'm sure i'll see you if you come to this grocery

00:25:42.420 store often i'm sure i'll see you again i don't know who he is i don't know what's going to come

00:25:48.060 of it i don't know if anything will come i don't know if i'll ever see him again but what did it

00:25:52.200 cost me to have a 30 second conversation with a guy and he said hey keep smiling and i said you

00:25:58.620 too man like have a good day work hard today hope it's productive for you it cost me nothing

00:26:03.580 but it could potentially unlock everything maybe it's that stranger at the at the wedding reception

00:26:10.640 okay again most of these will go nowhere and that's fine it's fine but you don't get to

00:26:18.300 pre-select which 20 minutes is going to change your life all you get to do is decide whether

00:26:24.400 you show up for all of those moments or or none of them i will admit i'm not great at this on the

00:26:32.360 complain. I am not a talker with the person next to me, but I can't tell you how often I've heard

00:26:37.400 people say when they sit next to so-and-so, they're sitting next to a fortune 500 business

00:26:43.600 owner who can unlock a new market to the person who's sitting next to them. That's part of the

00:26:48.700 reason why as often as I can, I try to fly first class because I want to sit next to first class

00:26:54.620 people and then i that's that's opening the door now i gotta step through it right men who build

00:27:03.000 real networks in their lives aren't smarter than anyone else they don't they're not lucky they're

00:27:09.140 not like picking winners they just do it everywhere that's all they just take more shots

00:27:13.400 and so i want you to understand what it costs you if you skip this idea of small talk

00:27:18.620 understand what's at stake here guys careers every career i've had whether it's order of

00:27:24.420 my financial planning career my retail career before that and all the other ends and odds that

00:27:29.220 i did from landscaping and pizza delivery and electrical and heating and air and i'm sure

00:27:35.020 there's a lot more in between military they're built on relationships more than they're built

00:27:39.620 on your resume business gets done between people who trust each other and like each other

00:27:45.140 and trust gets built in those really low risk moments that i was talking about if a guy says

00:27:53.360 oh yeah i'm a huge patriots fan and i know nobody on the patriots i might miss an opportunity

00:27:58.180 that could potentially be the biggest sale of my life because i know nothing about the patriots

00:28:04.000 shame on me it's those low risk moments long before money is handed over exchanged long before

00:28:13.060 anybody's signing contracts the man who avoids that small talk isn't protecting himself for his

00:28:19.260 time he's he's limiting he's cutting off channels that i think are where the the real opportunity

00:28:28.600 lies nobody posts a job listing for for the guy you know i i met in line who asked good questions

00:28:37.340 like they don't they don't post for that but that's actually how it happens like think about

00:28:43.740 your current job or think about other jobs that you've had is it because you had a really good

00:28:48.500 resume that looked the same as everybody else's? Or is it because your brother's cousin Joe

00:28:55.580 knows you, spends time with you, and he happens to be in the recruiting department at the Fortune

00:29:00.360 500 company? And because you know Joe and you guys eat chips and salsa together on the weekends

00:29:06.180 watching UFC or football, and that's why you got the job. Not because of your freaking resume. 0.99

00:29:11.560 okay this happens way more than any of us typically are willing to admit an introversion 0.98

00:29:18.600 is not an excuse here either this isn't about becoming the loudest guy in the room or the most

00:29:23.500 obnoxious or that cheesy sales leasy furniture guy or or the used car salesman it's just about

00:29:32.020 being willing to open your mouth in the small moments instead of waiting for the big ones

00:29:36.200 and i could swing for the fences when the big opportunities arise but if i don't have the

00:29:40.480 mechanics of swinging i'm gonna swing hard but i'm gonna miss even harder okay the bit the big

00:29:48.000 dogs the guys who you really want in your life the woman who could actually be a lifelong partner

00:29:54.040 the the person who could be a business partner the athlete who could be your best athlete if

00:29:59.600 you're a coach those guys don't announce themselves and if they do you wouldn't believe

00:30:06.880 it. Like if I said to you, like I could be the best thing that ever happened to you, you wouldn't

00:30:10.720 believe it. You think I'm an asshole and I don't, but I could be. So here's the challenge. Here's 1.00

00:30:16.860 the assignment. Okay. I want you to actually take this seriously this weekend today, start as many

00:30:24.140 conversations as you can. And I'm not saying that in rhetorically, I'm telling you, start as many

00:30:30.100 conversations as you can and get out a notepad or get out your phone and say, Hey, this morning,

00:30:34.680 I started three conversations with strangers. Let me see if I can start five this afternoon.

00:30:39.340 And this afternoon, you start five conversations with strangers. And then tomorrow, you're like,

00:30:42.780 cool. I did eight yesterday. I think I can do 15. And then Saturday, you write down and you just

00:30:48.380 create a little tally. I started 15 conversations with strangers today. And then Sunday, you're

00:30:53.100 like, can I do 20? I think you can. Okay, not not one a day. I'm not talking about doing one.

00:30:59.120 Everybody can start up one conversation, because you're going to be stuck in the elevator with

00:31:03.100 somebody at some point, right? Like, hey, and you stare at each other weird, you can say something

00:31:07.720 that's that's fine. But that's not, that's not maximizing it. I want you to do as many stack

00:31:12.640 them all as many as you can. It's the guy next to you at the coffee shop, maybe he's wearing a

00:31:18.300 weird shirt. And you're like, dude, what's that shirt about? Or it's the woman at the grocery

00:31:22.600 store line, or maybe she's in the produce aisle. And you're standing there trying to pick out the

00:31:28.460 best tomatoes. And you don't know, I don't know what the I don't know how to pick a tomato. And

00:31:32.680 you're like, Hey, maybe you know more about picking tomatoes than I do. How do you pick a

00:31:36.540 good tomato? And she might look at you and scoff or shake her head and walk away. So what? So what? 1.00

00:31:42.920 The more you do, the better off you are. Cause she might say, Oh, let me show you. And then you have

00:31:47.240 that casual touch. And then you're like, Hey, let's exchange numbers. And she becomes a woman

00:31:51.600 that you date or the client who you think is a low level client who doesn't have much to offer 0.98

00:31:58.160 your firm instead of treating them like dog crap maybe you start treating them like the person the 0.96

00:32:03.740 human being that they are and you treat them the same way you would your best client and they come 0.98

00:32:08.780 to you maybe it's in a year maybe it's in two years i had this happen in my financial planning

00:32:13.520 career i had people that i worked with who weren't totally financially successful and you know maybe

00:32:19.860 they invested five thousand or ten thousand with me i didn't treat them any different than the

00:32:24.420 people who invested $500,000 with me. But I'll tell you what, on multiple occasions, those people

00:32:28.800 who I helped that had $5,000 or $10,000 that I was managing their money, many times, a handful

00:32:37.160 that I can think of right offhand where they'd come to me and say, hey, I just, you know, my folks

00:32:41.300 just passed away, unfortunately. And I have their assets now and they're worth $750,000. Can you

00:32:48.800 help me? Yeah, I think so. Because I treated them with the reverence and respect they deserved as

00:32:55.920 a human being. But you don't want to do it for those reasons. You just want to be a good human

00:33:02.120 being. It's business acquaintances. It's the woman that you find interesting that you keep talking

00:33:09.020 yourself out of. It's that stranger in line at the hardware store, the grocery store, like the guy I

00:33:13.820 talked with today. It's the neighbor. Maybe it's your neighbor who you wave. You know, you wave when

00:33:18.160 you drive by, but you never met them. Don't sort them out. Don't qualify them. Don't get to know

00:33:26.800 and keep score on which ones matter and which ones don't. Just start a conversation. Ask real

00:33:31.320 questions. Be curious. See where it goes. Most of it, again, will go nowhere. It's fine. You'll just

00:33:37.160 know somebody who you might kind of like. I know neighbors on both sides of me. We don't spend a

00:33:42.260 lot of time together, but I like them. You know, I can sit down and have conversations with them.

00:33:47.240 I can, my neighbor, a couple of months ago, I was looking for an Airbnb. Somebody was coming

00:33:52.780 into town and I needed an Airbnb close. And I said, Hey, I think you have an Airbnb. Would you

00:33:57.200 mind? Like, do you have any openings? And she's like, yeah, actually we do have an opening.

00:34:01.120 I said, I didn't see it listed. She's like, ah, we don't list it. We're so busy. And I said, Oh,

00:34:06.280 is it available? She said, yeah. And I said, well, how much is it? And she's like, I'll tell

00:34:09.180 you what, we'll give it to you for free. Um, just cover the cleaning costs. It's like a hundred 0.96

00:34:12.800 bucks for the cleaning cost. I'm like, deal. Guys, that would not have happened if I didn't

00:34:18.460 know my neighbors. The risk is in staying quiet, not opening your mouth. I feel like I'm beating

00:34:24.440 a dead horse now. But I hope you understand the importance of this. Okay, now when you run across

00:34:30.800 somebody who you might be able to help or they might be able to help with you, follow up. 48-hour

00:34:35.920 rule. No more. Maybe less, but no more. No exceptions. So guys, that's the assignment.

00:34:42.800 Be uncomfortable. Do it often. And I think it'll do more for your relationships, your career,

00:34:48.800 your romantic life over the next year than almost anything else. And you can start this weekend.

00:34:56.160 You can start today. I'll leave you with this. Small talk is not small. It's big, or at least

00:35:03.260 it has the potential to be. It's the first move. It's the first step in every relationship that

00:35:08.180 you're going to build. So stop treating it like noise, like a nuisance, like something you don't

00:35:12.640 want to do and start treating it like the door that it actually is if you want a great place to

00:35:18.820 practice this and meet other people who you can start having conversations with and asking

00:35:23.540 questions of join us inside of our exclusive brotherhood the iron council head over to the

00:35:29.360 iron council head to order of man.com iron council and get signed up get registered there but go out

00:35:37.680 there, guys. Get to work. We'll be back next week. Really cool in-person conversation with a good

00:35:44.140 friend of mine, Keith Yaki. So make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and

00:35:48.780 on YouTube at youtube.com slash order of man. We're coming close to that 400,000 mark. I think

00:35:55.080 we can get there. We got to hit a couple of viral vids and a couple of follows from you guys and

00:35:59.820 some other shares and we'll be there. So check it out, youtube.com slash order of man. And then

00:36:04.280 most important, get out there and handle your business. Go talk to people, be open, be vocal,

00:36:09.160 make yourself known, learn about other people. Guys, until next week, go out there, take action

00:36:13.420 and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:36:20.300 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:36:23.980 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:36:34.280 Thank you.

Order of Man - July 17, 2026

Small Talk Creates Big Opportunity ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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