Order of Man - 5 Wounds Every Man Must Heal ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 If I know somebody's going to leave, I'm not going to fully invest in that opportunity.

00:00:04.920 And then what we end up having is self-fulfilling prophecy.

00:00:08.080 Because I'm not investing fully in that relationship, for example.

00:00:11.800 They pick up on that.

00:00:13.400 They acknowledge and see that I'm not investing fully.

00:00:16.720 And so they start pulling back.

00:00:19.000 And when they start pulling back, that's my opportunity to say,

00:00:22.540 see, everybody always leaves.

00:00:25.760 But it was you who created it because you were afraid they were going to leave

00:00:29.980 and so you hedged. That's what fear of abandonment leads to, hedging.

00:00:36.580 Look guys, today I want to talk with you about something that all men need to address, but

00:00:41.300 very few of us actually take the time to even consider what I'm going to share with you.

00:00:47.100 It's the five wounds that I believe every man needs to address in his life if he has

00:00:51.780 any hope of having a good relationship with himself, a good relationship with other people,

00:00:59.740 whether it's his wife and partner or his kids or colleagues, co-workers, clients, business

00:01:05.520 partners, etc. Like I said, it's something that a lot of men don't address because it takes time.

00:01:11.360 It's not always the most enjoyable to address our wounds. And so for the most part, we live lives

00:01:19.400 trying to ignore the pain and the suffering that we've experienced. We hide it, we put it aside,

00:01:24.900 and then we avoid it. And it only comes out usually in destructive ways. We lash out at

00:01:31.320 somebody we care about and love. We sabotage a potential relationship and we slip into sedation

00:01:40.300 methods because we haven't taken any time to really consider what the wounds that we are

00:01:45.700 experiencing are. So today I'm going to share with you five wounds that I think every man,

00:01:50.700 including myself, has to do work on. And we're also going to talk about the five fixes,

00:01:55.740 very tactical fixes, because I hate talking about these types of things without getting

00:02:01.420 into the practical application of what you can do to improve in your life as well. I think that's

00:02:05.860 one of the things that sets our podcast apart is not only that we're just talking about men's 0.93

00:02:11.000 issues, but we're actually addressing how we can deal with them and confront them. So without any 0.99

00:02:16.160 further ado, let's get into it. The first thing I want to talk about is the wound of being unblessed.

00:02:21.820 And when I say unblessed, I'm talking about typically a father wound or some authority,

00:02:28.000 maybe even a mother wound, an authority figure in your life. And it is typically the father wound

00:02:32.260 where you never heard what you needed to hear. You never heard that you were good enough or

00:02:40.220 that you were talented or that you were loved you never you never got the validation as a young

00:02:48.520 impressionable young man got and because of that regardless of what you do it never seems like it's

00:02:56.480 enough and you're always trying to fill this hole or or heal this wound by seeking validation

00:03:03.580 and the problem with seeking validation is that you can't control what another person does or

00:03:09.800 says or thinks about you. So if you're out busting your tail, you're serving, you're helping,

00:03:15.440 you're growing your business, you're providing well for your family, you're showing up,

00:03:20.180 you're coaching Little League, like you're doing all the things correctly. If you have the wound,

00:03:24.940 the unblessed wound, it won't feel like enough. And so you're just constantly chasing what's next,

00:03:30.980 what's next, what's next, what's next. And you're waiting for somebody else to give you the

00:03:35.180 validation that you should have for yourself. And so what I would suggest as a fix is to say the

00:03:44.220 words to yourself that you needed to hear as a young man. And you should say them to yourself,

00:03:51.560 but you should also say those words to someone else. So if you've got children, for example,

00:03:59.000 it might be difficult for you at times to express how you feel about your kids.

00:04:03.320 uh it might be hard for you to say i love you it might be hard for you to say i care about you or

00:04:10.260 great performance today or i love that you like this thing and maybe that thing has nothing to

00:04:15.700 do with anything you like that might be a real challenge for you if you never healed the unblessed

00:04:21.960 wound but the fix is to tell yourself what you need to hear that you are enough that you are

00:04:28.520 loved that there are people in your life who care about you and even the people again primarily

00:04:33.800 potentially your father who were supposed to say that odds are that they still did love you

00:04:39.520 but they struggled with it themselves and you have to break that chain so again the fix for you and

00:04:45.680 i want you to write down these five fixes but the fix for the unblessed wound is to say the words to

00:04:50.420 yourself that you needed to hear as a young man and say those words to somebody else share those

00:04:55.920 words with somebody else. Don't let your son or your daughter or your wife or a friend go without

00:05:02.120 hearing the words that you wish you would have heard. These aren't profound in any way necessarily,

00:05:08.440 but they're very simple. But I feel like the more that you do this, the more likely it is that

00:05:14.160 you're going to heal each of these five wounds, including the unblessed wound. Okay. The second

00:05:18.900 wound that most men need to deal with is the betrayal wound. Okay. And the betrayal wound is

00:05:24.560 that somewhere along the way, you had an experience and you interpret it as somebody

00:05:33.280 hurting you, somebody backstabbing you, somebody taking advantage of you, somebody not honoring

00:05:42.360 their commitment, usually with an underlying tone of maliciousness, that they didn't do this thing

00:05:48.380 because they wanted to get you.

00:05:50.940 And so what happens and the way this manifests

00:05:52.980 is a lack of trust in people, right?

00:05:56.220 You no longer take on business partners.

00:05:59.040 You sabotage potential romantic relationships.

00:06:02.400 You keep distance between yourself and your children

00:06:05.680 because you even subconsciously

00:06:08.400 are trying to keep yourself safe

00:06:11.020 from being betrayed in the future.

00:06:14.260 And if this is the case,

00:06:16.020 it's very difficult for us as men to give people two things,

00:06:20.280 to give them number one, responsibility,

00:06:22.400 and number two, access, right?

00:06:24.680 If we feel like we're gonna be betrayed,

00:06:26.960 we're not gonna give anybody any sort of delegation

00:06:29.780 or responsibility of anything important in our lives.

00:06:33.620 And we're certainly not gonna give them access to ourselves

00:06:37.200 because eventually what they're going to do

00:06:40.100 is backstab us, hurt us, et cetera, et cetera.

00:06:43.340 so the fix for overcoming the betrayal wound and again i'm not trying to be dismissive or make light

00:06:48.760 of the work that it takes to do this but the fix is very simple we want you to start handing off

00:06:54.760 one simple task and don't even check in on that until the deadline you know if you if you ask your

00:07:02.600 your son to clean his room trust that they're going to clean their room uh if if you ask your

00:07:09.100 wife to handle some business or handle a bill or take care of something or run an errand, trust

00:07:13.880 that she's going to take care of that errand. I would also say part of the fix is opening yourself 0.98

00:07:20.100 up to the possibility of being hurt. Share something that's really on your mind. Communicate,

00:07:25.480 hey, babe, you know, when you talk to me like this, it's very frustrating. And I don't, I feel

00:07:33.140 disrespected when you say those things. And I would like for you to communicate with me in this

00:07:39.600 way. I mean, even just the act of you saying and expressing how you feel helps you overcome the

00:07:46.080 betrayal wound because you're going to see and recode, reprogram this neuroplasticity that we

00:07:51.760 have in our minds about the way that people communicate and the way people show up. Usually

00:07:56.500 what happens is we have a bad experience, right? Somebody betrays you. Maybe your wife stepped out

00:08:01.300 on you um maybe a business partner screws you uh maybe your father left when you were younger and

00:08:08.880 you you took that as a personal indictment we're gonna talk a little bit more about that in a

00:08:12.540 minute those are not universal experiences those are isolated experiences but what we do just

00:08:20.220 humans in general is we take that one negative isolated experience and then we apply it broadly

00:08:26.820 and we categorize everybody into those, into those wounds. Like everybody's going to be,

00:08:33.140 oh, everybody at some point leaves. Nobody ever gives me the validation that I need.

00:08:38.720 It's black and white thinking. It's overgeneralization and it's typically not true.

00:08:43.900 So we need you and me, I have to work on these things myself to recode the way that we look at

00:08:50.000 betrayal. Yeah. That person may have betrayed you. That person may have taken advantage of you.

00:08:56.820 That person may have undermined their trust and respect with you, but that doesn't mean

00:09:03.960 everybody will. And so the fix is again, hand off one task, one duty, one responsibility,

00:09:10.100 and don't check in on that until the deadline. And also the other task is to just express how you

00:09:17.880 feel and just see how people respond. Hey babe, when you do this, I feel this. Hey kids, when you

00:09:24.920 don't do this i feel this hey business partner when you don't show up this is how i feel and

00:09:30.880 you're going to find out that if you learn to communicate most people are willing to acquiesce

00:09:35.400 to what you need as long as they're good people in your life all right the third wound is the

00:09:40.500 wound of humiliation uh maybe maybe somebody embarrassed you um maybe somebody made fun of

00:09:48.040 you in public i i've i have all of these wounds by the way i think most men do but i remember

00:09:54.060 circumstances and situations where even in school, you know, I made up or I came up with an idea or

00:10:01.540 a concept and one of the kids in class made fun of the idea or the concept. And so instead of just

00:10:07.400 saying, oh, that guy's being a jerk. Again, we associate one bad experience and apply it broadly 0.99

00:10:14.360 is I've just learned to be quiet, right? 0.61

00:10:19.100 I just learned to shut up.

00:10:22.220 I just learned not to share my opinion.

00:10:25.840 I learned not to put myself out there.

00:10:29.240 I remember when I was, let's see, 17, 18 years old,

00:10:33.720 I was just about to go to basic training.

00:10:36.400 And some of the guys that I trained with

00:10:37.880 within the National Guard gave me this advice.

00:10:40.580 And I think it was actually pretty good advice

00:10:42.620 for me going through basic training.

00:10:44.360 but they said, don't stand out. You don't want to be in the back. You don't want to be in the front.

00:10:49.140 You want to be right in the middle. For basic training, pretty good. For life, horrible,

00:10:53.480 horrible advice. But the idea was that if you don't put yourself out there and you don't take

00:10:59.080 risks and you don't put yourself in front of the pack and you don't fall behind either,

00:11:02.380 that there's nothing that anybody can cling on to to use against you. Again, maybe pretty decent

00:11:08.120 advice in basic training, but in life, is that the kind of life that you want to live? Do you

00:11:12.940 want to live the type of life where you just sit and you let other people have all the ideas,

00:11:18.900 other people have the benefit of moving forward, other people sharing and being influential in

00:11:24.160 people's lives? Or is that something that you want to do, that you want to participate in?

00:11:29.660 And the reason that you don't currently might be because at some point along the way, 0.57

00:11:34.060 somebody made you feel stupid for expressing an idea, for having an opinion, for sharing some 0.68

00:11:40.160 insight. Maybe even for doing something as benign as skipping down the road or the way you run or 0.94

00:11:49.100 the way you talk or whatever. I mean, kids are brutal. It's horrible. And you see this in the

00:11:56.040 public school system. Kids can be the nastiest, meanest people on the planet. And then we as men 0.95

00:12:01.680 adopt the way that we were treated in our everyday life. I'll give you a silly example. 0.97

00:12:06.920 when i was a kid uh we we grew up and and we were lower middle class we weren't broke you know i'm 0.91

00:12:12.860 not here to give you a sob story or woe is me or dirt poor no we were a lower middle class family

00:12:18.240 and my mom bless her heart was very prudent with the financial resources because she had to be

00:12:23.400 and so i never got designer shoes like i never got nikes i i never got rebox i wasn't wearing

00:12:30.420 the designer clothes it was it was walmart clothes it was pay less shoes is where we got our shoes

00:12:36.340 and i remember that uh it was it was coming back to school i must have been in maybe fifth or sixth

00:12:42.880 grade and my mom took me to the store she always did and we we got some athletic white athletic

00:12:50.080 shoes and they were called cheetahs and i was so excited about my cheetah shoes uh and i got to

00:12:58.220 school and there was a kid there and his name was tim i remember his name this is how this is how

00:13:03.240 crazy. So I must've been 11 years old. So what's that? 35 years ago, 34 years ago. And I get to

00:13:11.200 school and I remember vividly what he said. He said, everybody hates Cheetos about my shoes.

00:13:17.720 I remember that 35 years later. Now, as men, we're like, that's stupid. Get over it. We don't, 1.00

00:13:22.780 we don't get over it unless we actually think about it. And that's what I'm encouraging you

00:13:27.460 to do is to think about where in your life you said something or you did something and somebody

00:13:34.320 ridiculed you for it or made fun of you for it because you were the one who dared to express

00:13:40.040 yourself in a way that maybe didn't match what they thought you ought to be doing. So the fix

00:13:44.900 for this is to do something this week where you could potentially look foolish. That's the only 0.99

00:13:51.400 way to address this wound is to say, hey, I'm going to go look stupid by design. Now, look, 1.00

00:13:56.020 I'm not telling you to do stupid things, 0.99

00:13:57.420 but I'm saying go engage in something 1.00

00:13:59.700 where you might look a little silly to begin with. 0.93

00:14:02.800 Maybe it is going into that conference 0.86

00:14:04.600 instead of just sitting back in the back row

00:14:06.580 and not expressing your opinion.

00:14:08.660 Maybe this time you actually say what's on your mind

00:14:11.560 and then you see how it goes.

00:14:15.020 You know, maybe it is going to that jujitsu class

00:14:17.260 that you've been thinking about,

00:14:18.480 but you haven't wanted to go 1.00

00:14:19.600 because you don't want to look stupid. 0.99

00:14:21.400 I remember years ago when I was 50 pounds heavier 1.00

00:14:24.760 than I weigh today,

00:14:26.020 and I wanted to get in shape.

00:14:30.260 But I was terrified to go into the gym.

00:14:32.540 In fact, I have a picture of me on the first or second day at the gym.

00:14:35.120 I look horrible.

00:14:37.000 But I remember being afraid, not because I couldn't do the work 1.00

00:14:41.280 or wasn't capable of it, but because I thought I would look stupid. 1.00

00:14:45.200 And I did look stupid. 0.99

00:14:46.940 But I went in anyways, and I lost weight, and I got stronger. 0.98

00:14:52.000 and i've maintained that with some ebbs and flows over the past 20 years at this point but in order

00:14:58.000 to address the wounds that we deal with we have to be willing to confront them head on so the 0.98

00:15:02.260 humiliation wound is actually going out and doing something where you actually might look foolish

00:15:06.780 all right number four is the abandonment wound obviously this is somebody who left you

00:15:13.500 you know your mom and and it and it may not even be malicious like it could be that she abandoned

00:15:21.060 in the family that's true or it could be that she just she died heaven forbid but she just died

00:15:26.560 and now she's no longer in your life and so you you have this abandonment wound you you believe

00:15:33.600 you've associated with the idea that every time there's something important that you really love

00:15:39.200 that everyone leaves i have this one quite a bit i had multiple father figures coming in my life

00:15:45.520 including my biological father, who has unfortunately passed away. And I've even

00:15:51.640 caught myself at times, even now saying, well, everybody at some point leaves. That's an

00:15:58.140 abandonment wound. If you've ever said anything like that to yourself or out loud, you have an

00:16:05.200 abandonment issue. You believe that anything good that comes into your life will eventually leave.

00:16:10.280 And the problem with believing that is you won't ever fully invest in it, right?

00:16:15.900 Imagine you dating a woman and you love her, you care about her, you spend time with her,

00:16:22.380 you're infatuated to a degree with her, and you just want to be with this woman.

00:16:26.520 But you have this wound, whether conscious or subconscious, that says,

00:16:29.900 at some point, she's going to leave.

00:16:32.120 At some point, this is going to be over.

00:16:35.180 Don't you think if that's the way that you're operating in reality,

00:16:38.480 don't you believe that you will be less vested in it because why would you ever invest fully

00:16:44.780 into something that you know will end here shortly you won't even again if it's subconscious

00:16:50.960 if i know somebody's gonna leave i'm not gonna fully invest in that opportunity and then what

00:16:57.320 we end up having is self-fulfilling prophecy because i'm not investing fully in that relationship

00:17:02.460 for example they pick up on that they acknowledge and see that i'm not investing fully and so they

00:17:09.780 start pulling back and when they start pulling back that's my opportunity to say see everybody

00:17:16.840 are always leaves but it was you who created it because you were afraid they were going to leave

00:17:23.700 and so you hedged that's what fear of abandonment leads to hedging now hedging is a good strategy

00:17:30.720 if we're talking about risk prevention

00:17:32.360 and, you know, shoring up potential loss,

00:17:35.820 but it's not a great strategy

00:17:37.160 for investing fully in a business, for example,

00:17:39.880 or fully in a relationship.

00:17:42.900 You want to go all in. 0.99

00:17:44.900 Now, I'm not saying be reckless or stupid. 1.00

00:17:46.900 I mean, be aware of red flags, sure. 0.99

00:17:48.740 But you want to go all in on the relationships

00:17:51.020 and experiences you're having.

00:17:52.920 So the fix for overcoming the abandonment wound,

00:17:56.060 and again, I'm not telling you

00:17:57.100 that if you just do this one thing, you'll be fixed.

00:17:58.980 It's a lifelong journey.

00:18:00.720 but the fix is to stay in the room, to stay in the conversation, to stay in the thing

00:18:07.900 when the next hard thing comes up, whether it's a hard conversation or a hard aspect of your

00:18:16.560 business. I want you to sit and just sit with it, be with it. You don't run off. You don't

00:18:23.980 abandon whatever's going on. You have the courage and the audacity and the balls to stay in the

00:18:30.120 conversation. Because if you can do that, then you'll start to believe, maybe even realize that

00:18:36.500 other people have the capacity for that too. And you'll also, you will not create a self-fulfilling

00:18:42.360 prophecy, right? If you're in that relationship and you feel like in your head that, oh, she's

00:18:47.200 just going to leave at some point, you're going to back off. But if you say, hey, you know, she

00:18:51.200 might leave at some point and she certainly has the autonomy to do that, but I'm going to stay in

00:18:57.360 the fight. I'm going to stay in this. So if you and her are having a difficult conversation,

00:19:02.740 you're not going to run away from it. You're going to stay there and you're going to breathe

00:19:06.640 and you're going to focus and you're going to contribute to the conversation. And you're not

00:19:11.380 going to abandon it because you're waiting for somebody else to abandon it. It's like being an

00:19:18.360 employee and a boss comes to you and says, hey, you know what, Ryan, you've been a hard worker

00:19:21.800 for all these years, but you're fired. And you're like, well, you can't fire me. I quit.

00:19:24.780 it's the same thing okay we do this all the time in relationships business partnerships everything

00:19:31.760 else is is we think oh this person's gonna leave so i'm just gonna push them out before they leave

00:19:36.040 when in reality that person maybe would have never left maybe they were fully committed to

00:19:42.540 the relationship business platonic romantic and you just blew it up because you were too afraid

00:19:49.760 You had this wound that was just festering in you and created the very thing that you're afraid of.

00:19:58.420 All right.

00:19:59.080 And the last wound, guys, is the failure wound.

00:20:03.360 This one's tough because we've all done things in our lives, past relationships, past business ventures, past experiences, stories, conversations we've had where we feel like we've failed, where we've just come up short.

00:20:16.060 And for whatever reason, the thing didn't work out.

00:20:18.540 the thing didn't pan out the relationship died or the business failed and so now we have this

00:20:24.500 fear of failure and it's like well if in order for me not to fail I'm just not going to try

00:20:31.020 right because you can't fail at something you don't try according to the traditional

00:20:36.240 definition of the word it means that you actually tried to do something and you fell short well if

00:20:42.380 you don't try to do it then you can't fail at it and so again you hedge uh you pretend like you

00:20:48.800 didn't know what to do um you might make up the excuse of complexity oh this is see how how complex

00:20:57.420 and difficult this is and you might even say oh this is just not that easy you might even say that

00:21:02.300 about this podcast right now well it's right it's not that easy look i realize me mumbling some words

00:21:08.820 is significantly easier than you doing the work

00:21:11.680 I'm suggesting that all of us do.

00:21:14.020 But if you're using that phrase, it's not that easy.

00:21:16.900 Easier said than done.

00:21:18.360 As an excuse to do nothing,

00:21:19.940 then you might have a complexity issue,

00:21:23.820 which is driven by a failure wound.

00:21:28.520 Guys, it's okay.

00:21:29.420 I want you to redefine how you look at failure.

00:21:31.680 Failure to me is not, yeah, well, technically, yes.

00:21:34.640 It is that I tried something and I fell short.

00:21:36.460 That is technically failure.

00:21:37.800 And I'm okay admitting that. But the greater risk for me, at least the way that I view it,

00:21:43.660 is that it's worse, even morally worse, to have an idea, to have something I want to pursue,

00:21:54.280 to have a hobby or an activity or an interest or a venture or whatever, and not pursue it

00:22:01.140 than it is to pursue it and fail. I would much rather fail than not try the thing at all.

00:22:07.800 So the fix, the way I would tell you to start addressing this failure wound is to begin to

00:22:13.900 just make some amends. Maybe you did have a business partnership that failed or a business

00:22:21.580 that failed and maybe you owe somebody some money. Pay them back. You know, maybe you had a

00:22:29.300 relationship and the relationship failed and maybe what you need to do is accept responsibility and

00:22:34.500 tell the person, Hey, I'm sorry about the way that I showed up. This is how we make amends for

00:22:40.780 failure. And at the end of the day, what you're doing, a friend of mine, Alan Placer often says

00:22:46.160 this is you're, you're completing the failure and you have to complete it because if you don't

00:22:51.920 complete it, then you're just stuck in it forever. And the way you complete a failure is by making

00:22:57.180 amends, right? Paying somebody back, making a heartfelt apology and then learning from it.

00:23:05.280 I've thought a lot about that with my marriage, you know, and I've talked with my ex and I've

00:23:08.860 apologized for a lot of the ways I was showing up. I don't do it profusely. I don't do it every

00:23:13.500 time I see her because I made a genuine apology that I meant. And then I've also analyzed and

00:23:19.980 spent a lot of time thinking about, you know, what I learned and what I'm going to do different

00:23:27.640 as I move into a different relationship. So as a fix, again, for failure is making your amends

00:23:34.400 and then just deciding i'm going to take back one responsibility of my life

00:23:38.780 doing that report completing those assignments taking care of taxes going to the gym

00:23:47.280 doing something that maybe your wife has asked you that you agreed to do

00:23:52.580 but make amends and start taking responsibility back now look guys again i know that it's easy

00:23:58.280 for me to sit in this leather chair and tell you these are easy solutions. I don't think they're

00:24:06.640 easy. I think they're simple. But I also don't believe that simple is that bad. Again, a lot of

00:24:17.260 people will just complicate issues to have an excuse not to do the thing they set out to do.

00:24:21.940 But what if the things that you need to do and the things you know you ought to do were simple?

00:24:28.280 What if you just embrace that?

00:24:29.460 Oh, this is simple.

00:24:30.140 I can say sorry.

00:24:31.900 I can take back responsibility. 0.91

00:24:35.160 I can do one thing where I run the risk of looking silly.

00:24:39.760 I can hand off and delegate one task

00:24:42.100 and let somebody else be responsible of that.

00:24:45.060 Simple.

00:24:46.300 And the more you do these things over and over again,

00:24:48.340 because this is not a one-time thing,

00:24:49.600 the more you do these things over and over and over and over again,

00:24:52.440 the more quickly you heal the wounds

00:24:54.860 that you may not have known even existed.

00:24:58.280 that they're no longer festering under the surface waiting for the next tear the next rupture

00:25:03.360 to come spilling out and ruin your day to say the least so i want you to think about what your wounds

00:25:10.880 are maybe there's one or two or maybe all five resonated with you deeply or maybe there's

00:25:15.880 something else that is on your mind some other wound that you've been dealing with some other

00:25:20.320 conversation or experience that you've had ptsd trauma etc that you need to resolve and i would

00:25:27.260 get out a piece of paper and i would write down whatever you believe that experience to be whatever

00:25:33.360 that wound might be and then start writing out one or two or three solutions to that

00:25:37.900 and the third step is to implement man our people need us to be healthy yes obviously physically

00:25:45.300 healthy but also mentally and emotionally and spiritual healthy so let's let's recap real quick

00:25:51.500 okay so the first wound we talked about is this unblessed wound nobody ever told you we're good

00:25:56.820 enough the fix for that is say what needed to be said to you to yourself and to other people break

00:26:04.500 that chain number two is we have the betrayal wound and i want you to hand off one task and

00:26:11.140 don't check in on that task until the deadline or until they say they're done with it number three

00:26:15.680 is the humiliation wound uh do something that you think you might look foolish at today just do it 0.94

00:26:22.100 Yep. And realize and own the fact that yes, I might look foolish doing this. And so what? I'm 0.99

00:26:26.860 still going to do it. Number four, the abandonment wound. Somebody leaving you and the fix is to

00:26:31.660 stay there. Stay present in the moment. Stay present in the conversation. Buckle down. Don't

00:26:36.800 run away. Be there. Otherwise you'd run into self-fulfilling prophecy. And the last is the

00:26:42.220 failure wound that you did set up to do something that was meaningful and significant and important

00:26:48.080 to you. Because if it weren't important to you, it wouldn't really feel like a failure.

00:26:52.100 But it does because it's important to you.

00:26:55.080 And guys, the fix is to make the amends.

00:26:57.740 Pay somebody back, send a heartfelt apology,

00:27:00.940 have a deep conversation that needs to be had,

00:27:03.160 and then take back some of the responsibility

00:27:05.800 for your behavior and actions.

00:27:08.780 I hope this helps.

00:27:09.820 It's a deep topic and we're kind of skimming the surface,

00:27:12.340 but we are going deeper into this

00:27:13.780 with each individual inside the Iron Council

00:27:15.820 and talking about what wounds specifically

00:27:18.200 that they're dealing with.

00:27:19.700 We're also in the month of October

00:27:21.280 are talking about five fears that will really, really mess up your future. So we're going to

00:27:26.900 be doing a deep dive into the emotional and mental well-being of the men inside the Iron

00:27:33.620 Council. And we're also going to be talking about how most men don't think they're a big issue

00:27:39.560 until they become a big issue. Your boss does a, you have a negative performance review at work

00:27:46.440 and you miss a promotion or a job opportunity or a raise.

00:27:51.980 Or your wife comes to you and says,

00:27:53.740 hey, I'm ready for a divorce.

00:27:55.660 Or your kid's no longer talking to you

00:27:57.640 because they hate how you've been showing up.

00:28:00.000 Most men wait for that.

00:28:01.280 I don't want that to happen.

00:28:02.580 And so we need to be mentally, emotionally,

00:28:05.040 and spiritually healthy.

00:28:06.580 And we do that by addressing these wounds.

00:28:08.160 And we do a deep dive in the Iron Council

00:28:10.380 on each types of these wounds

00:28:12.560 and what specifically we can do

00:28:14.900 to begin to work through what we're facing.

00:28:17.720 So if you're interested, join us,

00:28:19.340 orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:28:21.860 That's orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:28:24.720 And I hope to see you inside.

00:28:27.680 We will be back next week.

00:28:29.540 If you're watching this video, not just listening,

00:28:31.580 but watching this on YouTube,

00:28:32.780 you can see we've got a new podcast studio.

00:28:35.440 It's about 80 to 90% done.

00:28:37.840 On Tuesday, I released the first interview

00:28:41.400 that I've done in this studio with, his name is Casey Lofthouse, an incredible, incredible human

00:28:47.440 being and a good friend of mine. And yeah, we talked deeply about how to show up powerfully

00:28:52.980 for yourself, for your family and your community. So if you're not subscribed, please subscribe,

00:28:58.460 leave a rating review, connect with me on the socials at Ryan Mickler, and ultimately come

00:29:05.680 spend time with us in the Iron Calms. I'm very active in there. Hundreds of other men are very

00:29:10.380 active. If you go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil, that's where you can find that

00:29:16.180 orderofman.com slash ironcouncil. All right, guys, we will be back next week. Until then,

00:29:21.520 go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

00:29:26.260 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your

00:29:30.560 life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:29:40.380 Thank you.

Order of Man - September 25, 2026

5 Wounds Every Man Must Heal ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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