Order of Man - A Cheating Friend, Earning Back Your Wife's Trust, and When Keeping the Peace Becomes Cowardice ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.020 This is the only way to development and progress is doing something every single day.

00:00:05.660 That's it.

00:00:06.360 And I'm not here to tell you that every single day you're going to get better.

00:00:09.060 Some days you're going to fall behind, whether it's on the scale or jujitsu.

00:00:12.560 I know, Kip, like we've talked about this or walking a mile or running a mile.

00:00:16.560 But at some point, if you do this enough and you go for a mile for the next 30 days,

00:00:21.500 I promise you're going to move from 15 to about 12 and a half minutes over 30 days.

00:00:25.960 That's a huge improvement.

00:00:27.200 kip what's up man so good to see you again on a monday morning i know we do our friday calls

00:00:34.040 typically but i don't know life just gets busy so it's i do appreciate you being flexible with

00:00:39.240 your schedule a little bit and being able to do this on a monday it's also a good way to start

00:00:42.580 out the week it is a good way to start out the week i actually don't mind it either day works

00:00:48.120 well i think it's nice that we have the two days kind of blocked or at least i kind of block them

00:00:51.980 usually saying so then that way when things happen you know it works yeah you had a good

00:00:57.780 weekend it sounds like you went to vegas uh you know what's interesting about vegas so you live

00:01:01.880 about six hours from vegas i live two hours from vegas it's always amazing to me how many people

00:01:08.540 are like oh vegas i want to go to vegas like so it's not that awesome like it is not that awesome

00:01:14.020 but people think it's incredible and it's horrible other than there's really good shows

00:01:19.980 there's really good entertainment and then just go off the strip and find a good place to go but

00:01:26.400 maybe that's the the gray in my beard that's speaking i don't know i don't know i mean i

00:01:31.820 learned really quick like i could do a night or two in vegas and i was done and i felt dirty and

00:01:38.460 i'd have to shower like for an hour you picked up an std just walking walking down the strip

00:01:44.040 walking on the strip it's so horrible uh they don't call it that they call it an sti now excuse 0.96

00:01:51.340 me sorry it's an sti oh really not an std apparently oh i didn't know this it's a sexually

00:01:57.580 transmitted infection it's not a disease i don't know the difference but maybe it sounds a little

00:02:02.900 nicer i don't know yeah yeah it's just a temporary infection versus a permanent disease

00:02:08.440 correct although there are some very interesting developments in i mean just health in general but

00:02:16.340 even like hiv i read an article a couple months ago that there's a antiviral pill or something

00:02:23.300 that you can take where not only do you become where you can no longer detect the virus you also

00:02:31.460 become non-transmittable as well so there's crazy yeah and not only does that apply i'm sure to hiv

00:02:40.080 but it applies to other other infectious diseases as well but it's pretty incredible

00:02:44.760 yeah i mean once you figure that tech for hiv right that tech's probably applicable across

00:02:50.480 the board yeah i'm i'm constantly fascinated around like there's a couple guys i'm sure you

00:02:56.040 you have a couple of guys in your life, like our, our borderline, um, experimental, uh, like, uh,

00:03:02.260 subjects for peptides, you know, they're always trying to have a couple of guys in my life who

00:03:07.360 have HIV. I'm like, I don't know that I do actually. No, they're experimenting with peptides.

00:03:13.960 And so I'm constantly like, interesting. I'm like, let me know how that goes. You know,

00:03:18.320 I'll wait a little while. It's probably the best way to do it. I mean, you've been in tech too.

00:03:23.080 And so it's interesting when I get, uh, a new upgrade on my, my Mac, I'm like, yeah,

00:03:30.140 I'm not ready to, I'm not ready to do that yet.

00:03:32.260 Give it two months.

00:03:33.120 And then in 60, 60 days, then, you know, all the bugs and the kinks have been worked out.

00:03:37.500 And I'm like, cool. 0.99

00:03:38.020 Now I will, but I'll let other people get the Guinea pig. 0.97

00:03:40.480 I'm all about it. 0.99

00:03:41.300 Yep.

00:03:41.680 Yep.

00:03:42.280 Yeah.

00:03:42.440 You wait until the service pack one comes out and then you're, you're good to upgrade.

00:03:46.420 Yeah, sure.

00:03:47.480 Yeah.

00:03:48.380 Uh, so you went to Vegas, you guys went, you guys, what did you go to?

00:03:52.340 you went to a concert or a show or something yeah yeah so we we had a family asia had a family

00:03:58.040 union in vegas um anyone that knows this about vegas it's like um polynesia 2.0 um vegas from

00:04:05.860 the hawaiian islands oh yeah yeah i thought saint george was in vegas i thought saint george and

00:04:10.500 provo were the only other places samoans congregated dude tons of huge polynesian

00:04:17.220 polynesian uh population in vegas anyhow half her half her cousins are there um and so we had a

00:04:24.980 family reunion but on saturday a couple weeks ago right where i'm just listening to some music in

00:04:31.080 the car and i threw on some aquabats it's old ska band from the 90s for sure and we're playing it

00:04:37.800 and the kids are like having fun they're like this is great stuff and i thought i wonder if

00:04:41.680 these guys are still on tour. And I hopped on their website and I'm like, dude, they're playing

00:04:47.300 in Vegas the same weekend as your family reunion. I'm like, we got to go. Right. So we got to go.

00:04:53.300 So, so we took the kids to Aquabats concert. If you don't know those guys, look them up. They're

00:04:58.140 super funny. Like they have this whole story about how they got superpowers and they became

00:05:04.180 superheroes called the Aquabats and they fight evil and rock out right to music. Right. That's

00:05:09.500 it's kind of like this theme yeah but dude it was so what was so cool about it was it was in

00:05:15.820 mandala bay tons of adults but it's an all-age show and there's like little kids right in this

00:05:22.680 concert hall and the amount of attention this band gave to the kids was actually like really

00:05:32.220 impressive and it was just awesome it was so cool and at one point he he saw a couple kids like

00:05:40.360 these these two kids it's like their first time to aquabats concert had them come up on the stage

00:05:45.480 and then he's like we want to indoctrinate them into being aquabats like the rest of us

00:05:50.360 and so they had these giant inflatable pizzas like these massive slices of pizza they put them out in

00:05:58.700 the crowd they chucked these kids on top of the pizzas and crowd surfed him you know what i mean

00:06:04.080 in on the floor and i don't know it was just awesome and and i felt so like happy for my son

00:06:10.020 because he's he's seven he's on my shoulders at one point the uh the lead singer jumps off the

00:06:18.140 stage with his mic in chaos and like goes through the crowd and while he's singing comes up to koa

00:06:25.620 gives him a high five and it's just but it was cool to see all these adults like focused on

00:06:31.740 themselves but these little slivers of moment of like make it special for the kids yeah everybody

00:06:38.700 in that room cared you know and they kind of made it really kind of a special event for for any of

00:06:45.040 the little kids that were there and there were there weren't that many in the grand scheme of

00:06:48.980 things it was pretty much a bunch of like a bunch of 45 teenage kids from the 90s yeah it's like my

00:06:55.100 age at the concert with a handful of them having kids, but man, the minute he gave attention to a

00:07:01.520 kid, the whole crowd, like made sure that it happened, you know, it was really cool.

00:07:06.040 I think that's cool. I think there's this, this cultural trend. I don't,

00:07:09.480 I hope it's not picking up steam and maybe even it's a fringe movement of this.

00:07:16.180 What do they call them? Dinks. Have you ever heard this acronym? Dinks. 1.00

00:07:22.320 I've used that term but I don't know if I use it correctly okay so well I think I've called people 1.00

00:07:28.580 a dink before yeah there's a dink and that's like old an old school insult right yeah dink or like 1.00

00:07:35.260 a dingus I've called people a dingus before I don't even know what that means but no dink is

00:07:40.440 relatively new and it's an acronym it's dual income no kids so and they have a term for 0.50

00:07:47.560 themselves it's dink dual income no kids okay so they it's it's a husband and a wife or a husband

00:07:56.640 and a husband or a wife and a wife however you have to explain it but it's both both partners

00:08:03.020 are working and they have no kids so dual income no kids dink and so they get to buy whatever they

00:08:10.800 want the whole concept is life is better without kids and i'm like you know if you only knew

00:08:17.360 how awesome it was to go to your kids football game or to take your kids to a concert or yeah

00:08:24.720 changing diapers dealing with crying whiny baby like for sure but there is so much reward in

00:08:36.040 watching your kids grow and develop and improve in a skill set find their own personalities find

00:08:42.760 their own veins of interest being able to support lean into them this whole concept of dink would

00:08:49.920 just dissipate but yeah and and people will say well my life was better without kids i could do

00:08:55.200 all these things i'm like i can do everything with my kids superficial yeah right like oh you

00:09:00.000 could go to a concert with your kids well you just took your kids to a concert did your kids inhibit

00:09:04.420 you from being able to go to concert or or me you know i take i take all of my children minus my

00:09:10.480 daughter cause she's not all that interested. I take them on hunts with me. I'm going on a hunt

00:09:14.860 in about three weeks. My oldest son who just graduated high school, he's off to college and

00:09:19.100 playing lacrosse. Now he's coming with me. That doesn't negate my ability to go on a hunt. In

00:09:25.380 fact, it's better because he's coming with me. So I wish more people understood that just because

00:09:31.140 you don't have kids, your life is not necessarily inherently better. I think actually your life is

00:09:36.300 enriched by having children in it yeah i you know what i find interesting ryan is like this is such

00:09:42.820 a great example how it doesn't matter what someone says to you in certain elements of life you won't

00:09:50.020 understand it until you experience it right you just won't and kids is one of these things like

00:09:55.740 i i thought i understood unconditional love i thought i knew what love was like

00:10:00.620 i thought what i was i wanted to have children and i i was like highly desirous i wanted to be

00:10:07.600 a dad when i was a young man and all of that was true and i still did not comprehend how amazing

00:10:16.100 being a being a father was yeah and and you don't get it yeah until you experience that's why i'm

00:10:24.460 less inclined to fight people on their current worldview because i it's it's actually not a good

00:10:32.740 thing if you're in a debate or discussion to tell people like well you don't get it that's not a

00:10:38.180 great debate tactic that's why anymore when people try to explain things to me and they have no

00:10:43.060 context or insight into my life i feel a less less and less need to explain myself because exactly

00:10:51.940 what you said they don't understand i don't tell them that i'm just like cool all good even my son

00:10:58.440 my oldest son you know sometimes we're very much alike but sometimes we'll be like oh dad i'm gonna

00:11:02.820 do this and this and this and this is gonna be good and this is gonna i'm like yeah you should

00:11:06.860 you should do that even though i know it's not gonna work out well it's like yeah okay like if

00:11:14.920 you're set on that i just don't care as much anymore about trying to convince people that

00:11:20.720 they should do something different now if it's my kids and they're going to do something dumb

00:11:24.620 of course obviously right but if if they're just making decisions it's like yeah try try that and

00:11:30.920 see how it goes i don't need to convince you life will teach you and people are welcome to have their

00:11:36.920 own opinion about things and it's part of the human condition that we're just not going to

00:11:41.400 comprehend stuff until it's our feet walking on the trail yeah and that's just the way it is you

00:11:47.000 can read about it you can argue about it you can debate about it but until you experience it

00:11:51.940 you're just not going to understand as much right it's like that hot stove thing you know your kid

00:11:57.700 all of my kids have been like i want to touch the hot stove over the hot oven i'm like don't touch

00:12:01.440 it don't touch it don't touch don't do that don't touch it don't and they do it and they're like

00:12:05.740 yeah and they cry i'm like i told you and and now to me it's like yeah go ahead and touch it quickly

00:12:12.040 but go ahead and touch it and see what you think i told you let's get that over with go ahead

00:12:15.480 fine you can touch the thing you can pick up the snake you can like go ahead i'll be here when you

00:12:21.400 start crying and i'll help you you know work through the pain but like yeah go ahead um i'm

00:12:27.080 just less inclined to like want to help people understand what all of us have gone through and

00:12:34.080 just like yeah sometimes people just need to learn it on their own yeah i totally agree cool man

00:12:41.100 we got some good we got some good ones yeah yeah absolutely all right wade pruitt um i found out

00:12:49.380 my best friend 20 years is cheating on his wife i know her well and our kids play together he

00:12:56.340 doesn't know i know do i confront him tell her or stay out of it yeah you confront him

00:13:03.540 yeah like this is not even a question you don't that well you said do i confront him tell her

00:13:11.240 stay out of it the last two you do not do yeah don't do those yeah like tell her 0.99

00:13:17.760 you would be an asshole to just like go right to her and tell her because again you don't you 0.96

00:13:25.620 actually think you know but you don't understand the entirety of the situation and then also doing 1.00

00:13:31.460 nothing just makes you a loser i think so what i would do kip if i found out if this if this was

00:13:41.360 our context uh i would come directly to you and be like bro i've heard some things there's some 0.93

00:13:49.320 rumors going around there's some stuff circulating in in our circles and i'm not going to throw you

00:13:55.780 under the bus. I'm not going to go to your wife. Like you're my friend. I'm coming to you. What 0.92

00:14:02.100 the hell is going on, man? What are you doing? What is happening? What is going on? I want to 0.72

00:14:07.700 understand again, no judgment, a little judgment, you know, maybe, but I'm, I'm here for you. But

00:14:14.240 what is happening? That's what a friend would do. A friend would not do nothing. And a friend would

00:14:21.400 not supersede or skip the chain of command and go directly to the wife, a friend would go to the

00:14:27.920 person like a man would do and say, bro, you're messing up. What is going on here? And then what

00:14:35.500 I would do if, again, if it was our situation and you did say, yeah, I've been, you know, seeing

00:14:41.580 this other woman on the side or whatever, like, all right, well, we're going to, I'm here, I'm

00:14:46.380 here for you like we're gonna not do that and you're gonna tell your wife i'm not gonna tell

00:14:52.380 her you're going to tell her what's going on and you're gonna fix yourself and fix your family

00:14:57.980 uh because that's what is required of a man so yeah you'd confront him absolutely 100

00:15:06.000 i'm trying to think what else we could add here for wade i mean i one thing i would add is just

00:15:17.340 come at it with a level of empathy and like again you don't know you're you're hearing rumors a lot

00:15:24.360 of it is probably true or could be true there's a lot of hearsay there's a lot of rumors just come

00:15:31.100 at it with a level of empathy you don't know a situation yet so don't be accusatory right out of

00:15:35.680 the bat right out of the bat just just say hey dude like i've heard a lot of stuff like there's

00:15:41.620 some things going around and it's not it's not a good look man what's going on i'm here for you

00:15:48.620 um if it's true i'm disappointed but also if it's true i'm here for you still

00:15:53.720 so what's up what's going on and come at it with a level of curiosity and understanding and even

00:16:01.180 and even love like I care about you and I really I really do care about you I care about you I care

00:16:07.360 about your wife I care about your kids but yeah I'm not letting this one slide man it's not good

00:16:13.700 so what are we going to do about it here and you know what in this situation this might be a little

00:16:20.660 controversial but if I came to you again I'm just using our scenario as an example if I came to you

00:16:26.180 and said this and you started to rectify and fix the situation i actually would never this might

00:16:33.800 be where it's controversial if you fixed it and you handled it i would never bring it up to your

00:16:39.360 wife again it's not my place yeah i would be careful in that space as well it's just it's

00:16:46.820 you and me i'm your friend you can handle it if you're handling it great um she's got friends who

00:16:53.680 are advocating on her behalf i'm sure of it if you're hearing about it she probably is too

00:16:57.500 uh so just be there for the guy and don't overstep your bounds and just be there and

00:17:05.280 be supportive of the of your friend your your guy friend who's dealing with this stuff

00:17:09.360 and doing this yeah yeah all right dustin jeez these names

00:17:17.920 koalzik sure wow dustin um koalzik that sounds like a legit name sure it sounds like you just

00:17:28.480 made that up all right sounds like you made it up my wife no that's what i mean i made it up

00:17:34.160 all right my wife has watched me start and quit a dozen self-improvement kicks

00:17:41.820 this time it's different but she rolls her eyes every time i bring it up how do i earn back

00:17:48.340 credibility with someone who's seen me fail so many times yeah i'm i'm wrong you saw if you're

00:17:55.600 watching on youtube i was already shaking my head you saw me roll my eyes we're judging you as well

00:18:02.280 man i totally you're not gonna do you're not gonna do this one

00:18:07.080 and that that might sound harsh or

00:18:13.860 you're not you're not going to do it you're just not you're going to do it for two weeks or

00:18:21.860 three weeks or 60 days and then you're going to revert i already know you know how you know

00:18:27.140 probable future that's what you've already done that's the probable future

00:18:31.160 based upon history based upon what you've always done you're going to keep doing what you've been

00:18:36.560 doing there's um there's an interesting phrase in the financial world when i was a financial advisor

00:18:43.080 we had to throw this disclaimer out there past performance does not predict future results

00:18:49.040 okay so we had to say that in disclaimers disclosures when i was like that past

00:18:55.480 performance of the market doesn't predict future the market that's the distinction market

00:19:01.400 but every other aspect of life it does

00:19:04.420 literally every other aspect of life predicts future performance or at least at least leans 0.99

00:19:14.080 heavy towards it so if you've been a jerk in some circumstances you're going to be a jerk in the rest 0.99

00:19:19.900 if you step out on your current relationship you're probably going to step out on your next one 0.99

00:19:27.020 if you start some self-development self-help thing um and you you fail over and over again

00:19:36.000 you're gonna fail the next one it's just the reality and i'm i'm a little blunt today i know

00:19:42.920 but i'm and i'm not trying to sound harsh i'm just trying to paint an accurate picture so the

00:19:46.940 question is how do i regain her trust do what you said you're gonna do yeah don't worry about

00:19:53.060 of trust. Yeah. Or, or, but, but I think this is an important principle to remember anybody that's

00:19:59.680 like, how do I earn their trust? No, they, they, they give you trust based upon how you're showing

00:20:07.800 up. Right. So you want trust show up differently and be very careful that you're not showing up

00:20:15.080 in a way to try to earn someone's trust. Like focus on character, focus on honoring your word

00:20:20.660 and trust is downstream and and if we're lucky if we're lucky sometimes people will give it to us

00:20:27.180 but that's not up to you to decide it's up to them i know that's a little bit of a tangent

00:20:32.740 but like that's how i operate from a trust perspective otherwise we're manipulative it's a

00:20:37.320 it's a it's a benefit right it's a it's a i don't want to say reward but it's a benefit

00:20:44.480 of you just showing up the way you want to show up so i think to your point kip instead of trying

00:20:50.580 to worry about earning her trust back why not just be a man of your word because that's the

00:20:55.240 kind of man you want to be yeah and i don't care if she if she trusts you or not it doesn't matter

00:21:02.680 like i don't i do care about what you have to say and what you think about me kip because you're

00:21:07.240 somebody i care about but that's not my driving principle my driving factor when i wake up in

00:21:13.420 the morning i don't sorry kip i don't wake up thinking about you man i know it's a shocker i

00:21:20.160 know blows on this on this podcast today i don't wake up thinking about like oh i really hope kip

00:21:27.180 thinks highly of me today yeah what i wake up thinking is i've got work to do i've got

00:21:35.840 obligations to fulfill i've got responsibilities to uphold i've got improvements that i personally

00:21:42.620 want to make and at some point if i happen to think about you because you send me a message

00:21:49.320 or we're going to do a podcast together it's like oh yeah and then you say like hey ryan i really

00:21:54.380 appreciate x y and z about you it's like cool that's a bonus that's a benefit of the work that

00:22:00.680 i'm doing and the same is true of your spouse like and you might wake up thinking about your spouse

00:22:07.460 right i think i hope that that's a sign of a healthy relationship at least one sign of a

00:22:13.240 healthy relationship but again the motive is not what is she going to think about you the motive

00:22:18.620 ought to be how can i be a better man and how can i better fulfill my obligations responsibilities

00:22:26.940 so if i wake up thinking about you know the the woman i'm interested in and and building a

00:22:34.260 relationship with it's not to impress it's just to say how can i better show up to serve her because

00:22:42.720 this is somebody i want to serve this is somebody i care about and respect and um want want want to

00:22:48.600 pour into their life but that that all falls on me as as far as what i need to do so that

00:22:54.740 so you can't here's another thought i had i want guys to imagine that there's a i hope this metaphor

00:23:05.080 makes sense but imagine there's a a vial that you can fill up every single day and there's 10 units

00:23:13.760 Let's just hypothetically say, and those 10 units are acts of service, honoring your word, showing up fully, being a man of character, telling the truth, et cetera, et cetera, working hard.

00:23:32.260 So there's 10 units.

00:23:33.960 So every time you do one of those things, you fill up one unit.

00:23:38.720 Once you get to the top, it spills over.

00:23:42.640 you can't pour it over to the next day so i i can't i can't take the five units of good that

00:23:51.140 i did today above and beyond the 10 and apply that to tomorrow and then just completely slack

00:23:55.920 off tomorrow does it is this is this making any sense at all no i think it works out perfect

00:24:02.040 because it illustrates that there's a baseline that kind of happens yeah right there's a baseline

00:24:08.280 of expectation that happens and just because i was amazing yesterday doesn't mean i can dip below

00:24:13.620 the baseline of today exactly so what guys do when they start talking about earning the trust

00:24:20.640 back is they're like oh i'll just put 15 units into it or i'll put 20 units into it no dude that's

00:24:27.240 not how it works you can't put 15 units into there's only 10 units you can't compensate for

00:24:35.380 the shiz that you did yesterday you have to do 10 today and 10 tomorrow and 10 the next day

00:24:44.920 and 10 the following day that's how you trust earn the trust right yeah well what what i like

00:24:53.560 about this ryan is trust is then someone's confidence that that vial's full right and and

00:25:02.160 after many days someone just assumes that that vial's full all the time why because it has been

00:25:10.080 full all the time for a long time and now there's trust and and here's an interesting way to look at

00:25:18.180 it when you say that and we're talking about this this metaphor here is it shouldn't be a surprise

00:25:24.380 to people that you filled the vial it should be a surprise to people when you don't yeah

00:25:31.640 right like if if your wife came to you and said hey babe you seem off today what's going on

00:25:38.460 that should be the exception the exception not yeah oh man you really knocked it out of the park

00:25:44.760 today so how do you earn the trust first stop trying to earn the trust in from her and then

00:25:52.520 just do what you're saying you're going to do and don't talk about it i think too many men are

00:25:58.280 loose-lipped like they'll talk with their partners and their spouses and their friends and their

00:26:04.860 buddies and their colleagues and their employees and their clients about everything they're going

00:26:08.600 to do because they think that's what earns the trust no it doesn't what earns the trust is

00:26:15.200 exceeding the expectation and the beautiful thing here's actually something to be optimistic about

00:26:19.720 the expectation for you right now is super low

00:26:23.360 awesome yeah you don't need to out punt your coverage good yeah good that it's low it's like

00:26:33.720 good she thinks i'm gonna fail good i don't need to i don't need the grand slam to mix metaphors

00:26:40.200 i just need to get three yards on this play three four i mean that's the interesting thing about

00:26:46.200 football if if you average what is it 3.4 yards a possession or a down you will win the football

00:26:56.080 game isn't that wild only three yards 3.4 yeah 3.4 is all you need a little over a third and if you

00:27:08.180 average 3.4 yards per per snap you'll win the football game it's crazy it is crazy so let's

00:27:18.960 give Dustin something solid here right I mean obviously I think we beat up the trust thing

00:27:23.440 but how does he get out of this hole that he's been digging around self-improvement kicks

00:27:31.420 he obviously has a desire to become the better version of himself he sees gaps otherwise he

00:27:37.260 wouldn't keep trying these things he obviously has some momentum sometimes otherwise he would

00:27:42.560 never initiate something what what advice would you give to us and to make a difference this time

00:27:49.480 how do we get him that that this time it actually works this time he actually sees it through

00:27:55.560 well first stop over committing if i've been on the couch for the past decade

00:28:00.860 and I woke up today and I'm like, you know what?

00:28:05.740 I think I'm going to run a marathon today.

00:28:09.320 Like I'm not going to finish the marathon a hundred percent.

00:28:13.600 But if I woke up and I said, Hey, I'm going to do a mile today.

00:28:17.820 I'm going to run some, I'm going to walk some, but I'm going to do a mile today.

00:28:21.120 And let's say it takes you 15 minutes to do a mile.

00:28:25.960 Then tomorrow it's like, no, I'm going to do a mile today.

00:28:28.580 and maybe it takes you 14 minutes and 58 seconds

00:28:33.500 and then the next day you wake up

00:28:35.120 and like, I'm gonna do a mile today

00:28:36.240 and it takes you 14 minutes and 10 seconds

00:28:40.080 and then the next day you're like,

00:28:43.600 hey, I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna do a mile

00:28:44.920 and it takes you 15 minutes and 30 seconds

00:28:47.040 because you're tired and worn out

00:28:48.500 so you still did a mile

00:28:50.320 and the next day you wake up

00:28:52.440 and you're like, yeah, I actually feel pretty good today.

00:28:53.680 I'm gonna do a mile

00:28:54.440 and so you do a mile and it takes you 14 minutes.

00:28:56.620 this is the only way to development and progress is doing something every single day that's it

00:29:03.640 and i'm not here to tell you that every single day you're going to get better some days you're

00:29:06.920 going to fall behind whether it's on the scale or jujitsu i know kip like we've talked about this or

00:29:11.840 walking a mile or running a mile but at some point if you do this enough and you go for a mile for

00:29:18.120 the next 30 days i promise you're going to move from 15 to about 12 and a half minutes over 30

00:29:23.580 days. That's a huge improvement. It's a 20, what is that? A 20% improvement over 30 days.

00:29:32.520 So the key is longevity. The key is how do I stay in this forever? So instead of saying,

00:29:37.660 I'm going to run a marathon, let's actually break it down from a practical application.

00:29:41.800 You don't need to say you're going to save your marriage today. You just need to say,

00:29:46.260 Hey, I'm going to honor my wife a little bit more than I have in the past. And so maybe that's a

00:29:50.980 note. Um, maybe that's just like a, a sweet gesture of you, um, telling her that you,

00:29:59.680 Hey, she made dinner last night. Hey, baby, I appreciate it. And giving her a little

00:30:02.840 kiss on the cheek or, you know, a little, a little massage on the back when she's sitting

00:30:07.380 there and she's tired, just a little gesture every day. Um, at work it's, Hey, you're not

00:30:14.120 going to like knock it out of the park and get the biggest client your firm has ever produced

00:30:18.000 before, but you're going to make 20 sales calls today. And then tomorrow you're going to do 20

00:30:22.820 sales calls. If it's in fitness, you're not going to run the marathon. You're just going to get up

00:30:27.040 20 minutes early and you're going to crank out 20 pushups, 20 air squats, you know, 20 lunges or

00:30:36.040 sit-ups. And you're going to do that every day. Like that's it. It's just longevity. That's all

00:30:43.220 it is. When people look at the success that we've had with the Order of Man podcast, they'll ask,

00:30:48.400 like, oh, how do you have so much success? Or how are you so good? People will say that. How are you

00:30:53.220 so good with your conversations? I've been doing it for 11 years. So let's just take 50 for easy

00:31:03.280 math times 11, 550 interviews that I've done over 11 years without missing a single week

00:31:14.020 for 11 plus years, how could you not be good at it? You'd have to try to not be good at it.

00:31:23.900 It'd be harder to suck. 0.99

00:31:26.580 It would be effort. It would be effort to be horrible at it. 1.00

00:31:30.380 and the same is true of jujitsu right like kip if you went to jujitsu let's say three days a week

00:31:37.340 for 10 years how are you not going to be a brown or a black belt at that point

00:31:43.620 how you'd have to try not to be yeah that's all it is just longevity and effort attitude and effort

00:31:53.020 like you talked about on friday in the iron council attitude and effort that's all it is

00:31:57.040 consistently love it all right dustin attitude and effort keep us updated all right marcus

00:32:06.100 ebersole my 17 year old wants to skip college and go into the trades i think it's a great idea

00:32:12.500 my wife thinks i'm sabotaging his future how do we get on the same page before he has to decide

00:32:18.980 that's crazy that would be hard for me too because getting into trades

00:32:24.740 how is that sabotage that's hard dude that's hard for me you can go into lesbian dance theory

00:32:31.860 and get a college degree talk about sabotaging your future i don't i don't uh that's hard for

00:32:39.820 me to wrap my head around you know what i would get to kip is i would get to the i'd have some

00:32:46.040 real conversations with my wife in that situation and be like hey babe like just help me understand

00:32:51.280 where you're coming from like what what is it that you want for our for our boy and i imagine

00:32:58.360 she's going to say well i want him to be successful i want him to have a good career i want him to

00:33:02.060 have something where he can provide for his own family okay like so we know he's not going to be

00:33:07.960 a doctor he's not going to be an engineer he's not going to be um uh a psychiatrist i don't know

00:33:16.380 like whatever fields right that require require a degree college degrees yeah and so how is him

00:33:23.620 getting a degree in lesbian dance theory uh going to help him achieve the goal that you're after

00:33:32.300 like what about what if what if he became a plumber and he has a a business where they

00:33:39.400 he's got 20 people working for him and they're server servicing the entire county or what if he

00:33:45.640 became a mechanic and he opens his own shop and he uh you know he's got you know on average you

00:33:54.120 know 200 people clients that he's working with on on a monthly basis because they're coming in for

00:34:00.840 oil changes and servicing and then he's got random people coming in like like she the the

00:34:08.080 interesting thing that we need to consider is that she actually also wants the best for him

00:34:11.940 right like we can agree on that absolutely she wants the best for him you want the best for him

00:34:18.300 so maybe there's a lot of conversations about okay well what is going to produce the best

00:34:25.080 path moving forward if he's like i want to be a doctor then i'm like cool dude we're not going

00:34:29.980 into trades we're we're going into the medical program if you want to become an attorney it's

00:34:35.700 like cool forget about the mechanics let's dive into legal practice law uh if you want to go into

00:34:42.980 law enforcement sorry you're going to hang have to hang up your plumbing shoes for a minute and

00:34:47.280 you're going to need to go to uh you know criminal defense criminal criminal law inside of school

00:34:53.920 like so what is that you want and maybe you could even sit down with your son and say hey bud all

00:34:58.540 three of you together say without and here's what i would do if you do this don't give any

00:35:05.380 advice to your wife or your kid zero refrain just say hey guys like we wanted to talk about your

00:35:13.080 future and you know me and me and your mom wanted to sit down and talk with you about it because we

00:35:19.660 care about you we love you and i'm really curious about where you want to go and all you do is ask

00:35:25.420 questions you don't project you don't offer advice you just ask questions that might actually elicit

00:35:33.580 some interesting dynamics between your wife and your son that she's not necessarily

00:35:38.180 either privy to aware of, or interested in hearing from you.

00:35:45.760 Yeah, I think it's spot on. There's nothing I'd add. I would just remember that

00:35:50.740 we see these things differently based upon how we're raised, right? Like in our generation,

00:35:57.940 i'm sure you remember this it's like that was what socially was communicated it's like there's a path

00:36:06.140 to success in life it's called graduate high school get a college degree then you figure it

00:36:11.560 out right and that was the path period you know and and things have changed and some people were

00:36:18.800 raised that way like the degree matters um and the reality of it is is we're in the information age

00:36:24.560 right? We're, we're in this space of, of time in society where you have access to a great deal of

00:36:30.480 knowledge. I mean, if you really think about it, it's like, what's holding anybody back from being

00:36:35.820 highly successful in life is not knowledge. It's actually something else. And the only access,

00:36:42.580 I mean, back in the day, it's like the only access that you had to that knowledge was

00:36:46.020 to go to some university and find someone to pour into you. Well, not anymore. That knowledge is

00:36:51.780 everywhere. You can get it anytime. So, you know, obviously things have changed. And so just

00:36:58.620 remember that, right. Your wife might just be looking at this from the perspective of what

00:37:03.420 she wishes she would have done, how her family sees education as this, you know, sign of success.

00:37:10.420 And it's this social badge. And if you don't end up with a degree, it looks bad, right? Like who

00:37:15.840 knows, right. But there's, there's a lot more to it than just, I doubt she's sabotaging your son,

00:37:21.020 right she's operating no perspective like you said what's best for her kid she cares about her

00:37:25.480 kid you just see it differently do you have a college degree kip i don't actually know i do

00:37:30.280 and what's your degree in um computer information systems so you're actually using your degree so

00:37:37.020 that's that's cool yeah that's good yeah um i don't have a college degree and at the risk of

00:37:43.520 sounding pretentious i make more money than most of the attorneys and cpas that i know that have a

00:37:48.960 four-year or a six-year degree so i went to half a semester of college i dropped out of college

00:37:56.640 after about two months because some english teacher told me i had to do a book report on

00:38:02.420 some bullshit book and i asked her about it after class and she couldn't explain to me why i had to

00:38:07.440 do a book report on that i said i'm out of here you know i'm not here to do book reports on the 0.91

00:38:13.760 hobbit sorry like not interested in that like i'm here actually to develop real world applicable

00:38:20.520 information and then i got a letter 30 days later from the school and said you've lost your academic

00:38:26.680 scholarship and i haven't looked back so why is it the the degree that matters it's it's not like

00:38:36.320 but but i think it's important that you know she has your child's best interest at heart

00:38:41.780 so i i don't totally i i think we ought to be aware of that and then just ask really good

00:38:49.620 questions from her and from him and and teach and guide and instruct and lead but man i know

00:38:56.660 i have i have friends who are plumbers and um and uh handymen um and electricians and mechanics

00:39:07.380 who are awesome like they're living great lives and they're making good money and they've got

00:39:15.740 businesses and they've got freedom and flexibility they're leading their families well that's all i

00:39:20.820 want for one of my kids yeah totally well isn't that funny how that changes i'm sure that was for

00:39:26.840 you too it's like you know the older i get it's like i used to have this ambitious kind of these

00:39:34.660 ambitious, worldly things that you wanted for your kids. And then as you get older,

00:39:38.960 you're like, I just want them to marry a good woman and be happy. And how that looks like on

00:39:48.400 paper, I actually don't care as much anymore, right? Because I realized like the fine thing

00:39:53.700 or the critical things that I care about more now is who they're married, right? And them having

00:39:59.660 healthy kids and you know maybe traveling and experiencing life is is like top of the list

00:40:06.580 you know there's there's actually there was a study i'll have to find it and what it what it

00:40:10.760 was but there's actually three predictors of success for a young person and it's really simple

00:40:16.620 it's like the lowest bar to entry possible okay here's what it is number one graduate high school

00:40:24.740 number two get a full-time job number three don't have a child out of wedlock

00:40:33.000 yeah they pull that off probability of success is high and what is success well being better than

00:40:42.940 the median in this case right like that's it yeah if you if you get a full-time job

00:40:48.440 if you graduate high school if you don't have a child out of wedlock

00:40:52.800 your likelihood of having success financial success in life is significantly greater than

00:41:00.180 the average so and i'm not and i'm not going to say that you can't have success if you

00:41:07.320 don't meet one of those criteria but it's far less likely yeah yeah all right nolan truitt he's he's

00:41:16.380 attacking me in his question here he says where's the line between being prepared protector and

00:41:22.140 being a paranoid guy with a basement full of freeze-dried food what's the problem with a

00:41:28.400 basement full of freeze-dried food dude come on of course i have tons of freedom and so i could

00:41:34.560 go backpacking whenever i want well it's a little bit of a it's a little bit of a false dichotomy

00:41:39.660 right like what's wrong with having a basement full of freeze-dried food that's freaking awesome

00:41:44.820 i i want that i've got some but not to the degree um yeah so no i don't i don't see anything wrong

00:41:52.540 with that well okay but in the spirit of the question what i do see something wrong with

00:41:57.100 is if you're if you're neglecting your other responsibilities and obligations

00:42:02.780 so i had somebody in my life years and years ago probably 15 years ago who was very successful

00:42:12.820 financially had a beautiful lovely family and i don't know all the story i don't know what happened

00:42:19.540 but this individual went off the deep end where they started digging holes in the desert and

00:42:25.440 putting connexes in there and building bunkers and shelters and spending all of their family's money

00:42:32.640 on uh emergency supplies and medical equipment and they stopped working uh then they started

00:42:41.900 living off of just the bare minimum possible uh so they could pour more fully into that that's a

00:42:48.780 problem man that's a problem that that's that's an obsession that might even be an addiction at

00:42:56.120 that point and so i think the line is well there's a there's a scriptural reference and it says by

00:43:03.880 their fruits you shall know thee right and if you're not taking care of your family if you're

00:43:11.180 not meeting your your financial obligations and responsibilities uh if you find yourself

00:43:18.220 overly distracted by some of these things instead of pouring into what matters which is your family

00:43:23.480 and your community and your career advancement then that's an issue but does having a basement

00:43:30.800 full of freeze-dried food equate to that maybe but also maybe not you know maybe you do siphon

00:43:37.760 off a portion of your income every month. And you're like, Hey, we're going to buy some more

00:43:41.540 food supplies. Now, do you need 73 years of freeze dried food storage? No. But do you need

00:43:49.860 a couple of years worth? Yeah. I don't think that's a bad idea. I mean, I remember when I was

00:43:54.640 young, my ex-wife, uh, she was actually really good at this side of things. She would can things, 0.73

00:44:01.640 she would do food preservation she siphoned off some of our income to put into food storage

00:44:09.060 freeze-dried food she was wonderful at that and then there were times where money was really tight

00:44:17.020 and i remember saying to her i'm like hey look we have like three hundred dollars

00:44:22.460 if that for a budget for the month like for food that's that's literally all that we have

00:44:30.640 and she's like how am i going to make this work i'm like i don't know but you gotta that's all

00:44:35.280 we have right now freeze-dried for dinner baby that's what it was bro it was although it was

00:44:41.720 canned peaches i know that's good food that's not freeze-dried food that's like legit stuff

00:44:46.740 well that but that's what preparing means like that's why you do that so it was p it was canned

00:44:52.820 peaches it was meat that her family had shot um and and we had and they gave us some it was rice

00:45:01.660 and it was beans and i did this in the very early years of my financial planning practice

00:45:06.800 and bless her heart you know she she was responsible for that and i'm saying that in a

00:45:13.760 good way like she she's the one that made that work while i was out there trying to build my

00:45:18.700 financial planning practice yeah we were eating beans and rice and canned peaches but yeah that

00:45:27.460 was awesome and it wasn't doomsday it was i didn't it was lack of payday

00:45:32.720 and so yeah you should you should have all that stuff in place

00:45:39.240 but when it when it starts to become a detriment to your other obligations that's where i would

00:45:44.640 say the line is. Yeah. I would, let me know if you agree with this. Like one thing I think when

00:45:51.860 guys get into this too much, like doomsday ish, uh, maybe too heavily into prepping is they fail

00:45:59.900 to live today, right? They're jeopardizing almost the moment of experience and joy, um, out of

00:46:09.400 paranoia of what might happen. And so I, I, what, what's your thoughts around that? Like

00:46:15.120 that comes to mind for me when I think about people that are overly obsessive is like they've

00:46:19.340 stopped living today. They, they probably don't enjoy Timmy's basketball or football game. They're

00:46:26.120 probably not like experiencing life in the moment as much because of the fear of the future.

00:46:31.840 yeah well i would agree but i i mean

00:46:35.240 as a man you really don't get to enjoy life 100 of the time yeah so the the counter argument is

00:46:47.520 well if all it was was just enjoyment then we wouldn't be doing our jobs either yeah yeah we're

00:46:53.380 not being prepared and that's the spirit of the question like how do you find the balance

00:46:57.600 you just have to experiment and play with it and you know the beauty of it is that once you've

00:47:02.780 saved a year 18 months two years of food storage or you have you know ammunition and i've got my

00:47:10.420 ammo right here shotgun shells and 22s and um and you've built up a skill set it's it's front end

00:47:19.900 loaded so it becomes easier over time um and you just need to get gradually replace things but

00:47:27.500 i don't know what i don't know what the balance is between enjoying life but also making sure

00:47:33.440 that you're saving and planning for a rainy day um other than you just need to experiment with it

00:47:39.260 and figure out what's good for you and what works for you what works for your people um

00:47:43.680 but yeah it's tough it's tough you got to find that balance you got to strike that balance

00:47:48.680 all right hector uh villanova my ex-wife and i split custody at my house there are standards

00:47:59.500 chores bedtimes limited screen time at hers there are none my kids are starting to see me as the bad

00:48:06.500 guy do i hold the line or ease up so i don't lose them no i don't think you ease up

00:48:14.740 what i what i would ask and what i would question is how you're administering the discipline the

00:48:22.560 the the boundaries that that's probably where if i had to guess that's probably where you might be

00:48:30.240 going wrong to some degree because men can oftentimes be tyrants we're so bought into the

00:48:37.180 cause of discipline or you know structure or boundaries that we become tyrannical about it

00:48:43.660 and instead of being a tyrant ask yourself what is the purpose of this right and so

00:48:51.360 uh last weekend my youngest son was with me we're hanging out and it was 9 30 that's his bedtime

00:48:57.120 9 30 and he's like dad can i say it for five minutes longer because we were watching a movie

00:49:02.020 together if i said no 9 30 bedtime do it be disciplined i would be the bad guy

00:49:13.080 if i said yeah but let's get through this last scene and then we're we're gonna put you to bed

00:49:20.280 then that's not tyrannical that's boundaries with nuance and that's where i think a lot of guys can

00:49:28.860 do better is hey what's the nuance here or why are you doing it and even being able to articulate

00:49:35.120 why well dad what i don't want to go but why do i why do i have to go to bed and the older brothers

00:49:39.560 are staying up later. Well, bud, it's because I care about you. It's because I want you to wake

00:49:44.220 up and have lots of energy because tomorrow we're going on a hike or we're going to play and we're

00:49:49.000 going to have a long day tomorrow. We're traveling. And so I know that it doesn't feel comfortable to

00:49:53.880 want to go to bed right now when you want to stay up late, but I'm looking after what's going to

00:49:57.920 happen tomorrow. And that's part of what my job is as a man is not looking at today, but looking

00:50:02.280 at it over the longterm. And you start having these types of conversations with nuance. Like

00:50:08.020 you don't need to be so rigid in your rules that you just become tyrannical,

00:50:13.200 that you become Hitler in their eyes.

00:50:16.720 Like, again, what is it that you're trying to do by administering these rules?

00:50:22.780 You're trying to teach them discipline.

00:50:24.480 You're trying to get them healthy.

00:50:25.840 You're trying to get them to understand boundaries.

00:50:29.200 Okay, so look at it through that lens instead of always looking at it as like,

00:50:33.500 nope, I'm the man who has to administer discipline.

00:50:36.460 but if I don't do it, nobody else will.

00:50:40.080 It sounds crazy, but I've done that.

00:50:44.260 I'm sure you, Kip, have done that too.

00:50:46.380 And I think we can just lighten up a little

00:50:48.440 without letting go of our boundaries.

00:50:50.420 I'm not telling you to lighten up where you remove boundaries.

00:50:52.980 I'm just saying, chill, chill a little.

00:50:56.760 It's going to be okay.

00:50:58.740 Yeah, and I'd ask yourselves, you know, his closing question,

00:51:02.840 do I hold the line or ease up so I don't lose them?

00:51:05.280 maybe a question for you to consider is what might you be doing to lose them or what are you doing

00:51:11.580 not to like boundaries are boundaries the other this might be a whole other question

00:51:18.160 you know are you withholding boundaries sure okay what are you doing to to strengthen your

00:51:22.760 relationship with your kids it may have to or may not have anything to do with the boundaries

00:51:28.420 it might have everything else to do with are you are you trustworthy are you pouring into that are

00:51:35.020 you seeking to understand them? Are you meeting them at their level? Do you understand what's

00:51:38.780 happening in their life? Right? Like losing your kids or losing, and I would say it this way,

00:51:44.460 losing influence with your children, um, is less about the boundary and a lot more to do with a

00:51:51.880 lot of other stuff. And so just maybe ask yourself, what are you doing to build your relationship with

00:51:57.120 your children? Yeah, I would agree with that. Absolutely. Yeah. All right. Um, I'm going to

00:52:04.080 jump around a little bit because we're running out of time all right Shane McAllister I got

00:52:09.740 passed up over a promotion that went to a guy 10 years younger who I trained I given this company

00:52:17.080 14 years is loyalty to an employer or virtue anymore or am I just being a sucker I love all 0.99

00:52:24.260 these false dichotomy questions I don't think it's a false dichotomy I think you're being a sucker 0.97

00:52:29.560 loyal loyalty is a contract bro 0.93

00:52:35.420 like the minute the other party doesn't honor the contract i'm out it's out yeah for that and

00:52:45.260 you by the way because that's why you in a second if you're not showing up people think they think

00:52:49.800 loyalty is just one party's responsibility no dude loyalty is a contract employment is a contract

00:52:59.400 kip if you hire me and you say ryan i want you to do x y and z and in exchange i'll pay you

00:53:09.080 x for those services that's it like there's there's nothing you didn't agree to anything else

00:53:19.860 i didn't agree to anything else i didn't say i'd stay with you for a certain period of time you

00:53:25.640 didn't tell me you'd keep me for a certain period of time you just said if you do x y and z i will

00:53:31.660 pay you x period like there's not there's nothing else in that at all there's nothing implied there's

00:53:41.240 nothing suggested there there's nothing above and beyond what you think that person said there's

00:53:49.040 Nothing. Now, if you said, Ryan, I'll pay you X if you do X, Y, and Z for the next 20 years.

00:53:57.360 Okay. That's different, but there's no employment contract that says that.

00:54:02.880 So you're being a sucker. Yeah. A hundred percent. This is why I tell guys who are employees, 0.99

00:54:09.840 even if they're working for the greatest company in the world, you better be out there networking.

00:54:14.920 you better be out there creating new connections you better be out there adding value into other

00:54:20.800 people's lives because that employer will end the contract the minute it's not beneficial for them

00:54:28.620 and by the way i don't hate that that doesn't bother me but you could also end the contract

00:54:35.240 because look if you said hey well i found a new job you you could end it today and if they said

00:54:42.660 hey we found somebody who did who's going to do a who we think is going to do a better job like

00:54:46.500 your subordinate or the guy you trained where in the contract does it say they can't do that

00:54:52.280 so we as men need to get out of this old school level of thinking of like well i just want to be 0.99

00:55:01.560 loyal no you want to be an idiot no yeah and i don't think it's that i mean obviously you're 0.98

00:55:07.860 being extra harsh because you're trying to fire up Shane here. Right. But like, um, the reality of 1.00

00:55:13.820 it is I think most of us do it because it's comfortable and it's easy. Right. Well, I'm

00:55:17.160 being loyal. No, no, no. You're being, you're playing it easy. You're playing it safe and you

00:55:21.140 think it's safe by, um, sticking around and grinding it out and not disrupting what you're

00:55:27.980 doing. And, and we throw loyalty on it to kind of virtual signal and make us feel good about the

00:55:34.020 decision. I think in most cases. Yeah. I don't think I was being hard. Was I being harsh?

00:55:39.200 Well, I mean, it could be that I, maybe he's being an idiot. Maybe he's not right. Like they're, 1.00

00:55:44.680 they're obviously we don't know all the details in this circumstance, but like, I think the main

00:55:50.380 thing for Shane to consider is just because you've worked somewhere for 14 years, doesn't mean you're

00:55:56.900 actually providing more value. That's the other thing that I'm a huge anti-advocate, or let me

00:56:04.380 say it this way. I am against seniority. I actually, from a corporate business perspective,

00:56:12.120 if you're here longer, by default, you make more? No. If you're providing more value, absolutely.

00:56:20.080 So if you're there for 14 years, you better be damn well better at your job after 14 years than someone off the street. 0.97

00:56:29.440 And it would be stupid business for me not to hire someone that could do the job just as good as you off the street to replace you. 0.99

00:56:36.940 That's bad business too. 0.95

00:56:38.600 So make sure, my call to action, Shane, is make sure that you're not thinking, well, I've been here for 14 years, so thus I provide value.

00:56:46.220 No. Dude, are you providing more value than you did before? Be careful that you're not being lazy and sitting back and going, well, I've been here for so long and this company can't run without me because I've been here. It's like, no, you just being around for a long time doesn't necessarily mean you're providing value to the company.

00:57:05.520 So be very careful that you're not operating in this space that this younger guy doesn't deserve it because you've been around longer.

00:57:13.920 Maybe he's better than you, and you need to check yourself as well.

00:57:18.920 Better than you or the same and cheaper.

00:57:20.860 There's a lot of variables, right?

00:57:22.140 Yeah, totally.

00:57:23.900 One thing that comes to mind – okay, so that's fair. 1.00

00:57:26.240 I said being an idiot, and you said that's harsh. 1.00

00:57:28.680 That's fair. 1.00

00:57:29.700 Maybe he's not being an idiot, but he's being – 1.00

00:57:32.180 Not completely an idiot. 1.00

00:57:33.660 Yeah, but he's being a little, a little naive, let's say, um, uh, uh, an employee's contract renews to the degree of how often he's paid. 0.97

00:57:51.620 So if I, if you hire me, Kip, and you say, I will pay you $80 an hour to do this thing, how often does my contract renew?

00:58:03.660 well, once I've paid for your services, that means every hour you've done your job and I pay

00:58:10.600 you, right? The contract, the contract renews every hour. Yeah. That's the answer. If you say

00:58:18.900 to me, Hey Ryan, I will pay you, uh, this much for six months. If you do these things,

00:58:26.740 how often does the contract renew every six months so employment contracts typically are

00:58:36.320 either salaried or hourly and let's just assume they're hourly for the sake of argument you renew

00:58:40.640 your contract every hour i hope you know that yeah so if at some point i come to you as an employer

00:58:48.700 and i say hey kip you you did x y and z for the last hour but and here's your 80 dollars but we've

00:58:56.080 decided to go a different route i'm not a breach of contract i paid you 80 an hour for the thing

00:59:00.600 that you said you would do and i'm in no breach of contract on that yeah so that's something to

00:59:07.940 consider as well is your contract renews more often than you think it does and it works both

00:59:13.920 ways and um i'm not saying it's bad i might kind of make it sound as if employment is wrong i'm not

00:59:21.300 I'm just saying you've got to know that your employment contract renews as often as you get paid.

00:59:28.300 So be aware of that.

00:59:30.520 Yeah.

00:59:31.100 You know, one thing I used to do at my last job, every new hire after they'd been working for roughly 30 days, I'd have an interview with all the new hires.

00:59:42.800 And I would sit down with them.

00:59:44.200 I'm like, how's it going?

00:59:45.300 Are you getting what you need?

00:59:46.380 kind of get a pulse of how they're feeling about the job. And then one question I asked that ended

00:59:55.120 up being so powerful to me, and I'd ask them, I'd say, are you winning? And some employees would go,

01:00:05.140 I think so. My boss, my boss. I'm like, oh, hold on. And this is why I asked this question,

01:00:12.140 because I want them to look at their employment differently.

01:00:16.020 I said, really quick, you need to know.

01:00:20.160 This is your career, not your boss's career,

01:00:24.140 not the company's career.

01:00:25.420 This is your career.

01:00:27.080 So I want you to shift your mindset.

01:00:29.800 You need to know if you're winning or not.

01:00:32.460 And if you don't know, demand it of your immediate manager.

01:00:37.140 Hey, how do I know I'm winning?

01:00:39.420 What do I?

01:00:40.160 and then you tell him what you need to know

01:00:42.920 and what you need to ensure you are winning.

01:00:45.960 You have to own it.

01:00:47.920 Don't be passive in it and let someone else own it for you.

01:00:52.200 And we all need to have that mindset around our jobs.

01:00:55.420 And I love the framing that you used earlier.

01:00:57.360 It's like, it's a contract.

01:00:59.540 So someone hires you, it's like,

01:01:01.800 you should know what your customer needs from you

01:01:04.460 to feel good about the contract. 1.00

01:01:07.040 And if you don't, you better figure that shit out 0.99

01:01:09.220 so you can show up powerfully 0.99

01:01:10.720 and ensure that you're going to be successful.

01:01:13.420 Yeah, and I would just add that your customer

01:01:15.520 is your boss in this situation.

01:01:18.240 We talked about this last week.

01:01:20.320 People who are employed don't always acknowledge that.

01:01:23.080 Your customer is who hired you.

01:01:25.760 That's who you have an agreement and contract with.

01:01:28.580 So if I'm hired by you, Kip, to work,

01:01:30.700 to do a presentation, let's say, for ABC Company,

01:01:35.260 my client is not ABC Company.

01:01:37.240 That's your client's ABC Company.

01:01:39.220 I'm working for you, your client's ABC company.

01:01:42.260 My client is you.

01:01:44.740 And so I better get very clear on what you are looking at from me so that I can service you, my client, the best, the most effectively.

01:01:56.420 Yeah, totally.

01:01:57.620 And if I want to change the contract, what do I do?

01:02:00.880 Hey, Ryan, up front.

01:02:03.060 Yeah, I start renegotiating.

01:02:03.880 negotiating. Hey, my expectation, I would like to renegotiate my contract with you, aka a raise

01:02:10.160 or whatever over the next 12 months. Yeah. What is required from my perspective for you to feel

01:02:16.600 good about it? What are the guidelines? When are we going to check base to ensure that we're

01:02:21.120 progressing in the right place and et cetera. And guess what happens if you're my employer and then

01:02:26.240 you bait and switch on me or you change the tune and go, oh, we're not going to do it or we're not.

01:02:32.240 and then i'm like okay well that doesn't work for me we had an agreement we talked about this

01:02:37.340 and i'm now no longer going to work here and and by the way this is you know why employers take

01:02:43.680 advantage of employees because employees don't own their careers well they don't have this false

01:02:49.420 sense yeah and we have this false sense of like oh i'm now beholden to whoever's paying my paycheck

01:02:57.060 right versus you assertively owning that right and and preparing yourself to go to market

01:03:03.460 stay networked and all these other things so you're valuable you know outside of your current job

01:03:09.200 if if order of man went away today for whatever reason legislation um uh rumors uh social media

01:03:21.220 change it like if it went away today i'd have a job this afternoon making good money this afternoon

01:03:26.100 because i realized that there's a risk here and i've built an incredible network over 11 years

01:03:36.860 where i could make a handful of calls and i could start having at the risk of sounding pretentious

01:03:42.100 i could have people start fighting over me to come work with them because i'm not content with

01:03:51.040 where things are i'm always looking at what opportunities are available and the same is true

01:03:56.760 with with this guy it's like you know you put 14 years in i commend you for that that's awesome

01:04:01.900 but loyalty is not a requirement of a contract i've never i've never signed a contract that says

01:04:10.580 you we require a minimum of 14 years yeah i've only ever done contracts that say we will pay you

01:04:18.440 this if you do this for and here's your hourly rate or here's your annual salary there's no

01:04:27.380 loyalty ever mentioned in that it's just business so treat it that way now i think personal

01:04:33.920 relationships are quite a bit different you know that not only is there some loyalty required i

01:04:39.260 think it's implied right you even think in a marriage ceremony what do they say till death

01:04:44.620 do us part. There's the contract. Yeah. There's the timeframe till death do us part. That's the

01:04:53.300 terms of the contract. Are you in or are you out? Yeah, totally. All right, Matt, you good on

01:05:01.460 questions or you want to cover one more? No, let's, let's wrap it up. We've got some more

01:05:06.060 from last week and from this week. So we'll save those for the following week and we'll keep

01:05:09.500 answering all the questions that are asked. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds great. You know, one thing

01:05:15.480 that come to mind for me, it's like, you know, I'm thinking about Dustin, right? His question

01:05:18.900 earlier about, you know, self-improvement dozens of times. I've tried this over and over, right?

01:05:24.440 And I've experienced that in my life. I'm sure many men have experienced this where they have

01:05:29.200 a desire to be a better versions of themselves. They have a desire to get their fitness in check.

01:05:35.420 They have a desire to be a better father or a better husband, and we didn't talk about it much today necessarily, but that's what we do in the IC, right, is these frameworks to generate consistency in what we do.

01:05:49.720 We have the accountability structure by being part of the battle team.

01:05:54.300 This is what we do.

01:05:54.980 So if you find yourself like Dustin, constantly struggling to make these improvements in your life and you keep struggling over and over again, don't wait until Jan 1 like we're all tempted to do.

01:06:07.520 Start making those adjustments now.

01:06:10.020 There is no someday.

01:06:11.420 There's no guarantee that the new year is going to go as well.

01:06:15.680 And so start acting now and start showing up powerfully.

01:06:19.880 Start getting the reps in way before the year ever ends.

01:06:23.200 So to learn more, go to the iron council.com, uh, sign up.

01:06:27.660 And as always connect with Mickler on X and the Instagram at Ryan Mickler, um, and see

01:06:35.580 the new podcast studio on YouTube.

01:06:36.920 How's that?

01:06:37.760 It looks pretty good.

01:06:38.860 Called it.

01:06:39.440 You say so myself.

01:06:40.160 Yeah.

01:06:40.860 I feel really comfortable.

01:06:42.060 Sometimes I'm just kind of like really casual and relaxed.

01:06:44.680 I like this.

01:06:46.640 So yeah, I've got a few little upgrades to do in the studio, but it's coming along.

01:06:51.200 So yeah, definitely checking it out on YouTube.

01:06:53.200 and then uh we've also got our war room kit maybe you can see right now i don't have my computer in

01:06:58.700 front of me but i believe yeah i'll post 14th it should be the wednesday is that right wednesday

01:07:04.800 october 14th at 8 p.m eastern is that right um october 14th 8 p.m eastern time yes so wednesday

01:07:12.240 so make sure to check that out that's coming out in a couple of weeks october 14th free uh we're

01:07:17.140 going to be talking about five fears that every man needs to overcome so check that out october

01:07:21.660 14th, 8 p.m. Eastern. Go to orderofman.com slash war room. All right, guys. Kip, I appreciate you.

01:07:29.660 Gentlemen, thanks for the questions. Hopefully, we gave you some things to consider, some things

01:07:33.960 to ponder and chew on a little bit. And we'll be back on Friday. Until then, go out there, take

01:07:38.940 action, and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man

01:07:44.720 podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:07:49.480 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - October 07, 2026

A Cheating Friend, Earning Back Your Wife's Trust, and When Keeping the Peace Becomes Cowardice ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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