Order of Man - Aging Bodies, Defiant Children, and Rejecting Gossip ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 this idea of brittleness where it's like one little thing goes wrong and every the whole

00:00:04.520 plan falls apart it's like dude okay so you can't work your bicep get get get abs bro get a build

00:00:11.480 your chest build your quads build your calves build your neck build your shoulder do something

00:00:16.680 else stop saying i can't just because one little thing didn't work out right for you and by the

00:00:21.520 way ironically that's going to be the thing that gets you back gets you back in the game fully

00:00:26.020 faster than anything else. Kip, what's up, man? So great to see you as we close out the

00:00:32.800 week. Sorry, I was going to say close out the weekend. As we close out the week, it's good to

00:00:38.700 do these at the end of the week and recap what we've been thinking about and what's been on our

00:00:42.420 minds and what's been on the minds of the guys who tune in. Yeah, amen to that. I've been studying

00:00:49.600 a lot of Napoleon Hill of late and this idea of drifting is present on my mind a lot.

00:00:56.020 hmm and what does drifting look like and how easy it is right for us to drift and and so i i love

00:01:04.240 what you said is like you know recap our week why because i feel at least and i'm sure i could do

00:01:09.900 better that are but our weeks are are packed with things that are the opposite of drifting right

00:01:16.160 whether it's us being on our battle team calls and having empower come and powerful conversations

00:01:21.760 holding guys accountable or our all hands calls on Fridays. They're just, they're, they're ways

00:01:27.320 by which we're staying on the path. And, um, yeah, just grateful, man, for this relationship,

00:01:32.640 but also, you know, what you've created in the IC and, and how it keeps me, you know,

00:01:38.560 kind of centered on what's important. Yeah. I mean, it, look, we did, we did that call this

00:01:42.880 morning and we talked about, um, overcoming basically integrity gaps or restoring trust

00:01:48.960 in relationships platonic professional romantic and it's really powerful you know we didn't have

00:01:53.880 very many guys on the call relative to the way we normally do and i think that has to do it's a

00:01:57.580 byproduct of it being like the last few weeks of the summer for a lot of people they're out getting

00:02:02.000 their last you know hoorahs before they go back to school and get their kids in sports and all

00:02:06.200 those kind of things sorry i'm trying to move some technology here we're rebuilding and redoing so

00:02:13.060 um anyways it's it's really cool to be able to get on the call and you know obviously I host

00:02:20.480 those calls and then you host one of those calls in the afternoon every Friday but these guys share

00:02:25.700 just as much relevant information with me as I think we do with them I walk away from there

00:02:31.100 edified and uplifted I'm like oh man I need to take notes and I need to do this and I need to

00:02:34.880 do that so it's actually pretty cool man I love it so it's exciting stuff well should we dive into

00:02:40.280 the um the wholesome segment for for this week yeah absolutely this this one was your idea so

00:02:47.240 i'll let you lead it off and then uh give some commentary and then i'll fill in with my commentary

00:02:51.700 if i have anything else important to say i always have something to say it's not it's really just a

00:02:57.520 matter of whether or not it's worth listening to well and it's funny because like even now i'm like

00:03:03.460 well i wasn't there so we're just regurgitating right things that we've seen on the socials but

00:03:08.880 for a lot of people that you know you may have heard uh just recently there was a an active

00:03:14.500 shooter situation up at an in and out burger um was it in twin small town idaho how's no it's

00:03:22.080 in aurora i think it was aurora aurora yeah that's where that guy years ago shot up in the

00:03:29.120 movie theater at batman i think it was he no that's colorado aurora colorado oh i'm sorry

00:03:35.180 oh i'm thinking about a different another situation sorry yeah my bad yes so this is

00:03:41.480 active shooter situation three killed um at an in and out burger um and you know guy with a with an

00:03:51.480 ar uh killed a girl you know there's video circulating him walking up to a car with two

00:03:57.300 people in the car and just shooting through their through their front windshield and um during that

00:04:03.280 moment, there was a civilian and an off duty highway patrol officer that, uh, returned fire.

00:04:12.520 Um, I don't know, I don't think they actually killed him, but they deterred him and he ended

00:04:19.120 up like leaving the circ, the situation, right. And stopped attacking people and then supposedly

00:04:25.260 took his own life, uh, shortly thereafter. And so wholesome segment, I think is really around,

00:04:31.780 you know maybe the off-duty officer right like he didn't have to uh participate in and and and

00:04:38.880 and go after this active shooter but also the civilian right that was um had a was carrying a

00:04:45.880 firearm and you know deterred the shooter from shooting more people yeah i i think it's you know

00:04:54.400 the response time for police isn't always as as good as we'd like it to be and i know there's

00:04:58.740 going to be a lot of talk about people shouldn't have access to firearms and yada yada yada i mean

00:05:03.140 that that's a moot point because we have a protected right to be able to carry and protect

00:05:08.000 ourselves so we we can discuss that but that's not going away anytime soon and i'll and i'll

00:05:13.340 make sure i fight against that but i will say if you're going to carry a firearm obviously make

00:05:17.840 sure you're trained and one of the things that we've seen in this situation is this guy this

00:05:24.100 civilian who subdued this individual post training videos on his Instagram account of him training

00:05:31.440 in full military kit. And I haven't really dug into his Instagram stuff, but I imagine that he's

00:05:39.620 got a following of people who are loyal to what he's doing because they believe in it. And then

00:05:44.420 I imagine he's got an entirely different subset of people who mock him, who ridicule him, who tell 0.99

00:05:51.160 him he's stupid, or he'll never need that, or he's just, the term you often hear is LARPing, 0.99

00:05:56.760 live action role play. We talked about NPCs last week, non-player characters, where they're just 1.00

00:06:03.320 trying to be this persona, whatever it is, on social media. And I think it's important that we

00:06:09.940 not get the two conflated, just because it's easy to be cynical about social media, and I am.

00:06:16.800 you know, most people will say, well, you only see like half the story on Instagram and all these

00:06:22.020 people posturing and peddling their goods and services and trying to make themselves better

00:06:26.860 than they are. But that doesn't mean that they aren't very well qualified to do to utilize their

00:06:34.740 skill set in life. And so props to this guy for putting good information out into the world with

00:06:40.980 what he's sharing on his social media profiles, sharing something he's exciting, excited about,

00:06:45.580 but then actually putting it to use in real life and there's there's a phrase i don't know if you've

00:06:52.000 heard this kip this phrase of being too online usually when you hear it i hear a lot about it

00:06:58.600 from a political perspective even culturally you have these dorks who are too online and they're

00:07:06.560 not in the real world and so their ideologies are all wrapped up in the cesspool that is social

00:07:13.160 media, you also hear go touch grass. The people who spend too much time online are out of touch

00:07:19.500 with reality and their ideas become nonsensical because they're just feeding on bad idea after

00:07:24.820 bad idea after bad idea. But this individual obviously trains for effectiveness and put it

00:07:30.040 to use and props to him for being a hero. I mean, there's no other way to say it. Being capable,

00:07:36.860 being qualified, having the skillset, having the tools, and then utilizing it for the productive

00:07:42.060 out the the outcomes of other people so wholesome hero of the day well done good sir yeah and

00:07:50.380 willingness to be courage i think he took shots the the shooter returned shots at him

00:07:56.460 you know when he confronted him like that's courageous man he didn't need to do that he

00:08:03.640 could easily hopped in his car and drove off or stayed on the other side of the building

00:08:07.260 totally and so you know props to him for being courageous and props to him for uh like you said

00:08:13.600 training right and being prepared you know so then that way when the opportunity came you know

00:08:18.320 he was he was effective so well and people will say like oh the odds of you ever needing to do

00:08:23.300 that are so low yeah but they're also catastrophic and also not to mention jiu-jitsu is a great

00:08:29.640 example of this people say oh well you'll never get into a fight probably hopefully that would be

00:08:35.520 the goal. But if you need if you do, then you have the skill. But even outside of that, I think what

00:08:42.420 most people forget is sometimes the training is not the only benefit of the thing that you're

00:08:49.620 doing. So doesn't jujitsu make you more disciplined in every other aspect of your life? Doesn't it

00:08:55.440 make you tougher and more resilient? Doesn't it improve the quality of your life because you're

00:09:00.680 likely going to be in better shape than if you weren't doing it. So there are ancillary benefits

00:09:05.760 that people don't talk about because they're like, well, you'll never need to use that. Yeah,

00:09:09.520 probably not. But there's a whole lot of other benefit that I have. Same thing with training,

00:09:14.720 same thing with hunting. The reality of me being out of food and having to go secure and procure

00:09:22.360 my own source of protein is very unlikely. Could it happen? Sure. Is it likely to? Probably not.

00:09:30.680 but there's a whole lot of other benefits that I get from being involved with hobbies that I enjoy

00:09:36.580 just because they're enjoyable. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. In fact, the jujitsu one and the

00:09:43.820 martial arts one is a very interesting study because statistically, I don't know what the

00:09:48.720 numbers are, but those that train a martial art are less likely to get in a fight.

00:09:54.920 Yeah, because they know the consequences and the stakes.

00:09:57.540 exactly yeah and and they know that there's egotistical they don't need to prove anything

00:10:03.220 there's a level of confidence so they don't get fired up or kind of drawn into a confrontation

00:10:09.400 as easily yeah and they also know that a guy that maybe they have 40 or 50 pounds on them

00:10:16.100 can still neutralize them with their body and their limbs yeah so it's like you never know

00:10:22.140 you never know who you're confronting be careful just be careful yeah all right should we get in

00:10:29.500 some questions let's do it man let's get after it all right yep all right wes talbot i'm 44 and

00:10:36.420 just noticed i can't do the things with my body i could five years ago it's messing with my head

00:10:42.380 more than i expected how do you make peace with a body that's declining while you still

00:10:48.040 while you're still supposed to be leading a family?

00:10:52.780 Yeah, I think the first thing is just being realistic.

00:10:55.740 Of course, I'm 45 and it takes me a little longer

00:10:59.860 to actually get out of bed.

00:11:02.860 My body is usually stiffer,

00:11:05.820 more stiff than it has been in the past.

00:11:09.280 Recovery doesn't happen so quickly.

00:11:12.160 Shedding weight doesn't happen as fast.

00:11:15.220 I'm more susceptible and prone to injuries.

00:11:18.040 but I'm 45. I'm not like on my deathbed either. But I think the thing that we can do is just to

00:11:24.100 stay in shape to the degree that you can and do something that works for you. So one small example

00:11:28.900 of that, I don't do deadlifts with a straight bar anymore. Because why? I'm not competing. I'm not

00:11:38.840 doing some sort of Olympic lift competition. So when I do deadlifts, I always do them with a trap

00:11:45.520 bar. Because it just works better. It's more aligned. It doesn't put as much pressure or

00:11:50.280 strain on my back. I'm less likely to round my back. And it just works better for me.

00:11:55.940 Low impact sports are going to be better for somebody as they're getting older and aging.

00:12:01.600 So I don't really think that you need to feel bad that you can't do the things that you once did.

00:12:06.000 But I would also challenge a lot of men. And I don't know if it's like this for, I think it was

00:12:10.380 West. A lot of us just say like, oh, we're not as good as we once were because we're not doing

00:12:18.220 the things that we once were. So my youngest son came in, excuse me, my oldest son the other day,

00:12:25.120 and he had his shirt off. He walked in the house and had his shirt off and he's looking like

00:12:28.800 lean and strong and jacked. I'm like, dude, you look good. He's like, yeah. And then I started

00:12:34.000 thinking about what he's doing. Well, he's playing lacrosse every day. He's lifting every single day.

00:12:39.220 granted his metabolism is better than mine but he's eating fairly clean he's doing wall ball

00:12:46.080 with lacrosse he's roughhousing with his friends he's active all day long well what am I doing

00:12:51.140 well I'm sitting in this on this computer you know I'm watching watching tv you know like Hank

00:12:58.300 sitting in the recliner reading a book you know some of these things are good in and of themselves

00:13:02.300 but I'm not nearly that active so is the problem that we're just getting older or is the problem

00:13:08.060 that our behavior isn't what it once was because i'd argue that 44 is not i mean i see some guys

00:13:14.340 at the gym who are probably 50 and i'm like dude i wish i had a physique like yours because they're

00:13:19.380 getting after it so be careful what you're attributing it to as well what would you say

00:13:25.360 ryan around this it's messing with my head more than i expected kind of the mental side of this

00:13:32.660 I think that's a faulty expectation that you have. You know, I think all anxiety and stress and all

00:13:40.320 these things, not all, but, but the majority of it comes from a really, and even disappointment

00:13:45.120 and let down comes from a really skewed perception of reality. And I try to operate in reality. Yeah,

00:13:53.860 the reality is I'm, I'm 45. So I need to be more careful with what I eat. I would love to have

00:14:00.260 my favorite burger is the double Western bacon cheeseburger at Carl's Jr. I would love to pound

00:14:06.220 one of those right now and it will taste so good. And then I'll be done for the rest of the day.

00:14:10.200 I'll be fat and bloated and tired and sluggish. So that's a decision that I just have to make.

00:14:15.460 So instead of messing with your head that you can't do the things that you used to do,

00:14:19.640 maybe start thinking about how you can replace those and make it a game.

00:14:23.500 Like, are you tracking your calories? How can you eat healthy? Can you learn to cook?

00:14:28.820 You know, that's something that I've mocked publicly

00:14:30.800 on this podcast, cooking.

00:14:32.880 And I actually really enjoy cooking now.

00:14:35.320 It's fun.

00:14:35.840 It's a challenge.

00:14:36.580 It's like, oh, I made a dinner last night

00:14:38.140 and the kids were like, this is a bad one, dad.

00:14:39.660 I'm like, yeah, it kind of was.

00:14:41.100 But the night before, they're like, dad, this one's awesome.

00:14:43.900 I love it.

00:14:44.440 It's fun.

00:14:45.460 So instead of dwelling on what you can't do,

00:14:48.440 start thinking about what you can.

00:14:50.140 And I don't think you can actively hold this messing

00:14:52.420 with my head as you're actively working towards

00:14:54.640 something that's significant and meaningful

00:14:57.240 and enjoyable for you. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing will check the ego when, when you have to,

00:15:03.860 I don't know, like pivot a little bit. I remember three years ago, I hurt my bicep, um, pretty,

00:15:11.200 pretty bad and man, I could not, it just wasn't getting better. Like I stayed off of it and it

00:15:18.400 was just still aching when I trained it and ached when I went to the gym, but I didn't want to stop

00:15:24.320 going to the gym and I didn't want to stop working arms. And so I pivoted and instead of

00:15:31.800 curls with, you know, thirties and thirties, you know, I started doing century sets of tens and

00:15:38.560 fifteens. Right. You know, do some band work or do some shoulder and forearm work or triceps,

00:15:48.280 you know, like figure it out. And, and nothing will check your ego when you, when you're over

00:15:52.500 there sweating and grinding it out. And, uh, guys look at you and you have 10 pound little

00:15:58.640 dumbbells and you're like, ah, it's draining to pull it off, but it's miserable as hell. But

00:16:05.360 you know, it's, it's what's required based upon where we're at, you know? So maybe even let go

00:16:09.880 a little bit of the identity of like, you know, you know, my values and based upon how, how I

00:16:16.440 throw weights around, maybe your value is, you know, how healthy you are and taking care of

00:16:22.340 your body and being able to move, you know, effectively and, you know, longevity in life,

00:16:27.740 you know? I mean, I've thought that I see guys that, you know, we, we go, when we go to the gym,

00:16:32.420 we compare like, Oh, that guy's benching 300 and I'm benching 255 or whatever. And so we compare

00:16:38.300 and then you see another guy, you're like, he's only benching 135. And you kind of joke, you know,

00:16:43.060 in your head, hopefully just your head. Uh, and you're like, what a wimp or whatever. And then, 0.98

00:16:47.300 and then if you're mature about it, you might just say to yourself, well, he's in here or you might

00:16:51.880 say maybe, maybe he is doing a hundred reps and I'm only doing 10, uh, or, or maybe he's injured

00:16:58.420 and he's recovering from an injury. But the thing that frustrates me quite often is when guys are

00:17:04.640 like, I hurt myself and now I can't train. What are you talking about? And then they just don't

00:17:08.560 go. Yeah. What are you talking? I hurt my bicep and I can't train. You hurt one muscle and in

00:17:16.100 your body and you can't can't do legs or you can't have like like have a jacked right arm instead of

00:17:24.320 you know and maybe your left is weak and like what are you talking about but this is what we

00:17:29.560 talked about in the iron council the other day this idea of brittleness where it's like one

00:17:34.140 little thing goes wrong and every the whole plan falls apart it's like dude okay so you can't work

00:17:38.960 your bicep get get get abs bro get a build your chest build your quads build your calves

00:17:47.020 build your neck build your shoulder do something else stop saying i can't just because one little

00:17:52.820 thing didn't work out right for you and by the way ironically that's going to be the thing that

00:17:57.200 gets you back gets you back in the game fully faster than anything else totally like when i

00:18:03.400 got hurt with my, my pectoral tendon, I kept going to training. Like I would actually go to

00:18:10.060 jujitsu class and I would sit in the corner and I would do box step-ups and I would do lunges and

00:18:16.160 I would do air squats and I would do sit-ups and I do some overhead stuff with my right arm.

00:18:21.280 And I would just watch people as I was doing my little body weight workout over in the corner.

00:18:26.420 When I came back, I didn't really miss a beat. In fact, I might've actually been better because

00:18:31.360 I was healthier. All right. Darnell, um, or C my son is 16 and everything I say to him lands wrong

00:18:44.220 right now. I don't know if I'm losing him or if this is just age, how do you keep showing up for

00:18:50.700 your kids? Who's actively pushing you away? I don't, I don't know if he's actively pushing you

00:18:56.600 away. I mean, that's it. That I don't know the situation, but that to me sounds like a stretch.

00:19:02.260 He's 16. What he's actually doing is he's trying to go away. He's not pushing you away. He's trying

00:19:11.340 to find his own independence because that's what 16 year olds, normal 16 year olds up until the

00:19:17.860 relative ease of modernity do that they go out and they find girls to spend time with and they

00:19:24.160 get involved in sports and they hang out with their buddies and they start working and they

00:19:28.760 start thinking about what the future looks like. Good. That's a good thing. So what I would do is

00:19:35.180 I would just extend the leash out a little bit more than you are right now. So you've seen those

00:19:42.860 leashes where you put your dog on it and you can click and lock it at six feet or it can go out to

00:19:47.780 like 15 feet. Let go a little. It's okay. He's 16. You know, he's probably driving. That's another

00:19:53.760 thing kids younger kids don't do now they don't get their license right away i never understood

00:19:57.980 that like i i got my license the day i turned like on my birthday i went to the dmv and got

00:20:04.060 my license and started driving but i would i would go into his world a little bit i would try

00:20:12.240 to give him some space and let him make some decisions and have some autonomy over his own

00:20:17.160 life. And also I would just realize that it's in his, it's in a guy's nature to rebel, to, to push

00:20:23.900 away, to go out on their own, to take a few more risks. And I think that's actually healthy. But

00:20:30.840 the biggest thing I would say, as far as an antidote to it is go into his world, be involved

00:20:38.060 in what he's involved with, ask him good questions, still maintain, you know, effective boundaries for

00:20:44.060 the way the household will be run and how he's expected to treat people in the household

00:20:47.460 and let it ride a little bit let it go a little it'll be okay what do you think darnell means by

00:20:55.860 everything i say to him lands wrong is there something there for him to work on if he feels

00:21:02.200 like every comment is is getting is it just pushback or is you know i i know we don't know

00:21:08.920 but what do you think he means there and is there some counsel around the communication breakdown

00:21:14.600 and maybe you know every conversation results in an upset maybe well you talk about this often the

00:21:21.300 idea of compliance versus commitment and when kids are younger it's a whole lot easier before

00:21:27.280 especially for young boys when their testosterone is pumping through their veins to get them to

00:21:31.300 comply. You know, I could, I could just look at my youngest son wrong and, um, and, and he'll,

00:21:40.600 he'll comply. He'll do whatever I want him to. If I look at my son, my oldest son, the same way

00:21:46.720 he was 18, he'll say like, what are you looking at? Like it's just the nature of it. So what I

00:21:54.560 would probably suggest is as they get older and that testosterone starts pumping through their

00:21:59.940 veins rather than trying to direct or get your kids to comply with you start trying to work on

00:22:06.520 that buy-in and you do that through trust you do that through spending time with them through

00:22:11.580 getting involved in their world like I just said and also you get that through asking questions

00:22:16.180 you know it's like um if he's not coming home on time like ask him some questions about what

00:22:24.960 what he thinks about it like hey bud you know you've been late for the past two weeks when

00:22:29.040 when you come home at night and we have this curfew in place for a reason but i'm curious

00:22:34.860 where you land with that now i'm not saying let your kids dictate the direction of of your

00:22:40.520 parenting because too many people do that but is it isn't it useful for you to understand and

00:22:45.760 maybe he's like dad i don't think my curfew should be 10 o'clock on friday night like all my grades

00:22:50.920 are good i'm playing sports i'm not getting in any trouble and i just want to stay out with my

00:22:55.240 friends until 11 o'clock. I mean, you can decide like, is that a deal breaker? Is that a hard and

00:23:00.520 fast rule? Or is that something as he's getting older and maybe you think, you know what, like

00:23:04.240 his grades are good. And so maybe there's a conversation around, all right, bud, well,

00:23:09.020 look, I want you to have a little bit of more autonomy over your schedule,

00:23:12.080 but in order for this 11 o'clock curfew to take place, let's talk about some ground rules for

00:23:17.500 that. What do you think those should be? Well, I should keep my grades up. Yeah, I agree. Write

00:23:22.980 it down. I agree. Grades up. What else? Um, that I don't keep pushing past 11. Okay. So 11 is the

00:23:28.860 hard and fast. Okay. What else? Um, that I'm, that I'm playing sports and I'm getting up on time and

00:23:34.140 I'm handling my stuff at the house and you write them all down. You're like, all right, I'll tell

00:23:37.460 you what, let's give this an experiment for 30 days on Friday and Saturday night. You can stay

00:23:43.280 out till 11 o'clock provided you're meeting this criteria. And if you are, we'll extend it another

00:23:49.220 30 days. And if you're not, by your own admission, we're reining it back in. Yeah, that's spot on.

00:23:56.260 And he may not understand why there's a curfew, right? And then by discussing it, he might go,

00:24:02.340 oh shit, I didn't know that my buddy's parents called you and they're coordinating with you to 0.99

00:24:09.820 make sure that we all go to bed early because Tommy has football practice at 5 a.m. every 0.99

00:24:14.300 morning. Or you know what I mean? Maybe there's something on your son's radar that he doesn't

00:24:17.660 even know about. And now by talking about it, he goes, Oh, that makes more sense. I thought you

00:24:22.720 were just being overly domineering parent. And so there's just power in that conversation,

00:24:28.880 right? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Cool. All right. Trent Holloway, quick one. What's the most

00:24:36.320 overrated piece of self-help advice you hear in this space? And I'm assuming this space is

00:24:43.080 in the manosphere? Oh, yeah. Well, I've got a couple that immediately came to mind.

00:24:52.520 One is that the hustle culture. I hate that. I hate the hustle culture. Just go out, work your

00:24:59.500 butt off, like do everything, burn all the butt. Like, I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm in a 0.99

00:25:04.100 different position now. It's really easy for me to say, you know, when you're when you're have

00:25:08.800 some financial resources and you've been successful to say oh yeah I wish I wouldn't have worked so

00:25:13.560 hard when I was younger well it's it's easy to say that when you're on the back side of it but

00:25:19.140 also yeah I would have taken more time off to to explore to travel to have new experiences to have

00:25:27.680 new ideas and I don't think I would have done the hustle and grind so much so that's one the other

00:25:32.760 one that I hear and I don't hear it as much anymore so maybe we're making an impact here

00:25:36.680 is this idea of like the zero F's mentality,

00:25:39.840 meaning I don't care what,

00:25:41.060 don't care about what anybody else thinks.

00:25:43.920 I think that's horrible, horrible advice.

00:25:47.240 I think the caveat to that is

00:25:49.180 don't care about what the wrong people think of you,

00:25:51.960 but do care about what the right people think of you

00:25:54.440 because that's accountability.

00:25:56.520 Kip, I care about what you think about me.

00:25:58.480 And because I care about what you think about me,

00:26:00.500 I perform differently.

00:26:02.780 Is that a facade?

00:26:04.360 Is that LARPing like we were talking about earlier?

00:26:06.960 No, it's actually your presence in my life

00:26:10.320 calling me to be better. 0.99

00:26:13.020 The woman that you marry 0.96

00:26:14.360 should actually provide the same thing. 0.81

00:26:16.360 You should want to be a better man

00:26:18.320 because she's in your life.

00:26:20.480 You should want to be a better man

00:26:22.520 because your children are watching you.

00:26:25.540 So I think that you should care absolutely and deeply

00:26:29.300 about what the right people think of you

00:26:32.340 because it'll lead you to improved behavior and performance yeah yeah those are solid

00:26:39.440 i think those are solid all right do you mark is there one that you that you thought of

00:26:43.840 no i can't think of one i mean right now it just i don't know and it's because of my technical

00:26:49.580 background i just can't stand it's not even in this space i just can't stand a bunch of influencers

00:26:55.280 with like zero background in like engineering and technology having a strong opinion

00:27:02.240 about the future of AI. It drives me mad. I can't stand it. And they use fear mongering to justify

00:27:10.340 it. They're the experts in it. And I just think it's a bunch of hype. Don't get me wrong. There's

00:27:17.000 value in it, but there's absolutely tons of hype. And we've seen this before. I've been through this

00:27:23.620 multiple times in different spaces of tech. And yeah, it's annoying.

00:27:32.240 I think you should, I think you should qualify everything, right? Regardless of what, where it

00:27:37.620 comes from, if it's a credible or a reputable source or not, I think you should always just

00:27:43.500 take it with a grain of salt. You know, I listened to a lot of podcasts and there's podcasts I like,

00:27:48.180 you know, I like things about Ben Shapiro, for example, and there's other things where I'm like,

00:27:51.920 no, no, that's wrong because I listened to other, I, other things, you know, and, and

00:27:58.260 what is interesting is a lot of the times if you say, well, I listened to this person or

00:28:03.080 listened to that person, or I thought about this idea or that idea, you know, people will say,

00:28:08.660 like, have your own ideas, or you're just a shill for whoever that is, or like, I can't believe

00:28:14.920 you'd embrace it. It's like, no, we can listen to things and not accept it as reality. But,

00:28:22.040 and there's certain things that I just won't, there's certain people like Candace Owens is

00:28:25.460 one of them. I just think she's a dumb human being. I mean, I just think she's dumb. I think 1.00

00:28:29.200 she's very good at manipulating people. I think she's very good at presenting ideas in a way that 0.81

00:28:37.480 riles up the lowest common denominator. But I think she's kind of a dumb human being. And so 1.00

00:28:42.260 that's not a resource that I'm going to actually go to for credible advice. But I think somebody

00:28:47.040 like Tucker, I think Tucker Carlson's actually very, very intelligent. I don't agree with a lot

00:28:52.440 of the direction he's been going lately, but I'm still willing to listen to the individual because

00:28:56.760 I think he's intelligent and I'm curious, you know, it brings up ideas that maybe I haven't

00:29:02.080 considered before or want to ponder on, but I don't have to accept it just because I listened

00:29:07.380 to it. Yeah. I mean, I love, I love that. And one, one way that I look at this is rarely is anyone

00:29:17.560 sharing independent thought, right? Like think through the, the average arguments that people

00:29:24.800 have, they're just regurgitating something that they heard from somewhere else. Why? Because they

00:29:29.400 weren't there, right? Just like us in our wholesome segment, right? We have an opinions

00:29:33.780 about something. I wasn't there. So where did I get that information is? Well, I, someone else

00:29:38.860 shared it. So I'm putting a lot of trust that what I saw was actually accurate. Maybe it wasn't who

00:29:44.380 knows what and and so we're but we latch on to it like it's truth when reality it wasn't even our

00:29:51.160 knowledge anyway and and but it aligns maybe with how we see the world and so we we treat it as

00:29:56.580 truth and we regurgitate it and so i just i love to always remember that like most people don't

00:30:03.020 know and we're sharing ideas and thoughts and hopefully even you guys listening to us you move

00:30:09.420 to independent thinking and it's not like well ryan said it's oh ryan said this this is how i

00:30:15.760 consider it yeah yeah confirmation bias is what comes to mind you know people are always looking

00:30:21.620 for validation of their idea i mean who knows and i'm not saying this is true by any who knows maybe

00:30:26.780 that guy beats his wife i don't know i have no idea he's a horrible dude yeah yeah right i have

00:30:32.780 no idea all i know is i saw that little glimpse and that was a good thing and i approve of that

00:30:37.920 and I may or may not approve with the rest of his behavior.

00:30:40.660 I have no idea.

00:30:42.820 I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt

00:30:44.940 until I know otherwise,

00:30:47.100 and I wouldn't want to even project that.

00:30:49.560 I'm not projecting that on him.

00:30:50.820 I'm just using that as an example.

00:30:52.540 I have no idea.

00:30:54.480 Yeah, totally.

00:30:56.080 All right, Marcus Feeney.

00:30:57.600 I found out my best friend of 20 years

00:31:00.520 has been talking behind my back to guys in our circle.

00:31:04.200 Part of me wants to confront him.

00:31:06.000 part of me wants to quietly walk away what actually rebuilds trust once it's broken like that

00:31:12.540 and is it even worth trying i mean i think it's worth trying if not for your own level of respect

00:31:20.120 you know kip if there was things that you were saying behind my back to a closed circle or even

00:31:25.440 publicly yeah i would definitely address it hey kip i heard this thing this goes back to our

00:31:32.560 previous, previous day? Like, I don't need to assume, I don't know. So like, let me give you

00:31:37.040 an example. So my youngest son was missing a Lego minifigure and a day or two earlier,

00:31:42.800 he had a friend over who was really admiring that Lego minifigure and all of a sudden he can't find

00:31:48.500 it. And so my youngest son was like, dad, I think he might've taken my Lego. I'm like, do you know

00:31:54.420 he did? He's like, no. Like, have you seen him with it? No. I'm like, okay. You still might be

00:32:01.040 right. He may have taken it. That's a possibility. What are you going to do about it? And he's like,

00:32:06.220 well, I'm going to tell him. I'm like, what are you going to tell him? Not to steal my things?

00:32:09.900 I'm like, did he steal it? He's like, well, I don't know. I'm like, well, then probably you

00:32:12.480 shouldn't tell him not to steal your things if you don't know he did it. What would be a better

00:32:16.680 approach? And he's like, well, maybe I could just ask him. Yeah, just ask him. And so he did. He

00:32:24.100 asked him. He's like, hey, did you take? And the kid said no. And maybe he's lying. We have no

00:32:29.000 idea of knowing, but now I, and I told him, I said, Hey, look, just be aware. Right. He said,

00:32:34.800 no, you asked him. That's all you can really do. You can't prove anything. Um, and so there's not

00:32:39.540 really a whole lot you can do about it, but if he comes over, keep an eye on him and be aware.

00:32:43.940 And if you start to see other things go missing, well, that becomes a trend and we're not going to,

00:32:48.120 we're not going to, to tolerate that. We'll pat him down as he leaves the house and make sure he

00:32:52.560 didn't take anything from the house. That's not true. You won't do that. But the whole idea there

00:32:59.920 is just to be aware without making accusations. So when you go talk with your friend,

00:33:08.980 instead of being accusatory, approach it from a level of curiosity. Hey, Kip, I heard from a

00:33:15.040 couple of friends that maybe it's made some remarks about me or my past behavior, or maybe

00:33:20.560 even something I shared in confidence with you. And rather than just like play the gossip game

00:33:25.460 and do that, because I don't want to get into that, I figured I'd just come straight to the

00:33:28.360 horse's mouth. Are there things that you're sharing with other people that are meant for

00:33:33.420 you and me? Or is there something that you would like to share with me that I can improve or work

00:33:38.840 on or know that maybe I'm not aware of? That's going to do one of two things, probably both.

00:33:46.080 it's going to when you talk about how do you build trust that's how you do it for sure

00:33:53.340 because I'm going to respect a man who does that way more than a man who doesn't and I would not

00:33:59.760 feel less for him if he can't in fact I'd feel more highly of him if he did that and it's also

00:34:08.640 going to put him on notice which is okay too like I'm not being accusatory I'm coming at it with 0.88

00:34:14.840 curiosity but i'm watching your ass and so that's good people need to be checked because those are 0.98

00:34:23.080 the boundaries that are in place and if you keep stepping over the boundaries then yeah at that 0.99

00:34:27.160 point end it but until you've had the conversation i don't i mean just for your own self-respect

00:34:35.360 you should you should call them up and be curious about what's happening well you care about what

00:34:41.380 they think otherwise you wouldn't have submitted this question so if you care then it needs to be

00:34:49.160 addressed right for your own benefit and what's great about this marcus is you're serving them too

00:34:53.820 yeah you really serve people when when you have these conversations with them because they go 0.94

00:34:59.160 because mark my word what's let's just pretend your buddy's talking garbage and you ask about it

00:35:06.940 I guarantee you walk away from that conversation. He's saying, yeah, I probably should not gossip 0.96

00:35:12.840 as much as I do. Totally. I probably shouldn't do that. And, and, and so he's self-evaluating

00:35:17.960 because you brought it up. So I think that's critical. The other thing I'd add to what you

00:35:22.900 said, Ryan is, and I call own your story or own your own the lens before you go into the

00:35:29.900 conversation. And it's not, and, and the lens is one, what am I assuming that may not be true?

00:35:36.000 what judgments am I placing without the appropriate information?

00:35:39.380 The other part is what am I making it mean?

00:35:43.160 Because I'll tell you right now,

00:35:44.820 what you're making it mean is probably not what it means. 0.94

00:35:47.880 So even if your buddy was talking garbage, 0.64

00:35:52.120 you're making it mean what? 1.00

00:35:54.180 He thinks I'm a moron. 1.00

00:35:56.120 He disrespects me. 0.99

00:35:57.820 He doesn't value me as a friend.

00:35:59.360 All of that could not be true. 0.99

00:36:01.260 And he could have still talked trash about you. 0.50

00:36:03.360 because most people, how do we handle gossip? 0.97

00:36:08.100 Ryan comes to me and starts talking trash about someone.

00:36:10.700 Most people don't go, hey, Ryan, don't, you shouldn't say that.

00:36:14.340 Most people go, oh yeah, I see that.

00:36:17.040 Why?

00:36:17.220 Because I'm being selfish in the moment, right?

00:36:19.280 And I'm aligning with Ryan

00:36:21.400 because it's uncomfortable to call Ryan out.

00:36:23.700 And so I go along to get along.

00:36:25.580 I might inject a few things for my own personal benefit.

00:36:29.800 Meanwhile, I might still respect the guy

00:36:31.840 that we're talking about. 0.99

00:36:33.360 that's kind of how crazy humans are. And so you're probably making it a lot more dramatic

00:36:40.360 than it really is. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have the conversation. You absolutely

00:36:43.520 should. Should, of course. But the meaning that you've created is probably greater than

00:36:48.540 or off target from really how your friend sees you. Well, let me paint a scenario that it actually

00:36:56.600 might be, but you're making it mean something other. Now, I don't know, but I'm just saying

00:37:01.860 is just stick with me. Is this a possibility? Would I explain with you right now? So let's say

00:37:07.680 you're, let's say you're drinking a little too much. So your drinking is getting a little

00:37:12.440 excessive and you confide in your buddy. So let's say I'll just use me as an example. Let's say,

00:37:19.420 you know, I'm drinking, it's becoming a problem. People are noticing. And I talk with you about it,

00:37:25.880 my friend. And you're like, yeah, man, I've noticed everything good. And we have this

00:37:30.040 conversation. And then you go to, let's say another friend, a mutual friend of ours, Jay,

00:37:37.520 Matt Harrington. I call it Matt Harrington. Yeah. And you're like, Hey Matt, I'm, I'm really

00:37:43.280 worried about Ryan. Like he's been drinking a lot more and we had a conversation and he told me,

00:37:49.280 you know, he's been stressed out and the relationship's not going well and that's

00:37:52.540 leading to his drinking. And I think we should really rally behind him. And then Matt calls me.

00:37:57.940 he's like hey bro i heard you're drinking too much kip told me you're drinking and i wanted

00:38:01.900 to call you out and see like how he could help you and i'm like what the i'm sorry i'm trying

00:38:06.260 not to swear what the heck kip is talking about me he's gossiping about me when no he was actually

00:38:14.380 trying to rally the troops behind you now is it appropriate uh debatable yeah but is that a is

00:38:23.500 that a potential situation? Yeah, absolutely. And that's why you're not going to go into an

00:38:30.940 accusatory. The term that I really like is never attribute to malice what could be attributed to

00:38:36.600 stupidity. And it might just be you just having good intentions, Kip, in this scenario, but maybe 0.99

00:38:42.620 just being a little too loose with your lips. And that's different than you being malicious.

00:38:47.720 so something to chew on a little bit there yeah all right so Elias Kemp I've got a daughter not

00:38:56.660 a son and honestly a lot of what you teach feels built for raising boys so what does protect

00:39:03.660 provide and preside look like when you're raising a girl instead do you think he's asking

00:39:09.440 how does he protect provide and preside or how does he teach her some of the same skills

00:39:15.700 yeah i think he's like you know based upon the movement of order of man how does your message

00:39:22.560 change when all i have is a daughter right if if and he's kind of assuming that it changes

00:39:28.300 let's be frank yeah i don't i don't think it changes at all in fact yeah i think it might be

00:39:34.220 i think it might be more important when you have daughters um you know they're they're they're

00:39:40.860 fair sex for a reason you know and and they're they're frankly and i know women are not gonna

00:39:46.620 like when i say this i think some women probably would but a lot won't is they're more vulnerable

00:39:50.480 than men they're just more susceptible to bad stuff happening um part of that is because of 0.90

00:39:58.220 their physical stature part of that is because of our nature to maybe be you know more sexualized

00:40:04.880 generally to go after sometimes aggressively i'm not condoning the behavior but sometimes

00:40:09.760 aggressively with what we want. And I also think on the behalf of women, it's a little bit of

00:40:14.180 naivete as well. I think women can be very naive about the world and about men and their intentions. 1.00

00:40:21.520 And so that puts them in a vulnerable position. So as a father of daughters, I think it's really

00:40:27.920 important that you teach her how the world works. What is reality? Not to be naive, not to be as

00:40:35.740 vulnerable as she naturally might um and and guard her she is precious she's beautiful and she

00:40:44.340 deserves to be guarded and provided for and protected and safe and what i found for boys

00:40:51.880 and girls by the way like yes what we talk about is geared towards men and boys absolutely but

00:40:58.940 it applies broadly. When you create an environment where you're seen as the protector, the provider,

00:41:07.540 and the presider, that gives the people in your life, boys, girls, your wife, friends,

00:41:12.980 colleagues, co-workers, the opportunity to flourish. When she feels safe because you're

00:41:19.320 consistent and because you're showing up in powerful ways and you're providing for her and

00:41:24.320 you're, you're kind and you're gentle with her. Um, and you're patient with her. I can be a lot

00:41:30.460 more, I can be rougher with my boys than I can with my daughter for sure. But when a young woman 1.00

00:41:36.860 sees that it gives her permission to be herself, to, to actually be feminine. I think that's part

00:41:45.780 of the problem with so many women who have a mass, uh, I shouldn't say emasculated, but 1.00

00:41:51.480 masculinized, if that's a word, themselves, is they never had a man, whether it was their father 0.96

00:41:57.920 or a husband and a partner, that actually was the man. And so they never got to be protected.

00:42:05.000 They never got to be lovely and beautiful and kind and empathetic and nurturing.

00:42:12.380 Instead, they had to be the protector. They had to be the provider. They had to go out into the

00:42:17.340 workforce. They had to be on edge all the time. They had to be vigilant when out in public.

00:42:23.020 They had to be protective of themselves and other people. And it stripped their ability to be

00:42:28.940 lovely and beautiful. And that's the problem that it's a problem for both sexes, by the way. 1.00

00:42:36.180 Women can't be women anymore because there's no men to do it. And men can't find beautiful women. 1.00

00:42:43.240 And when I say beautiful, I'm talking about lovely, I think is the better word. 0.97

00:42:47.300 Lovely women, because they're acting like men. 0.59

00:42:50.320 I would never call you lovely, Kip. 0.99

00:42:53.620 I would call some women in my life lovely.

00:42:58.820 And I'm sure they would like to be that. 0.64

00:43:01.800 I've had so many conversations that women are like, I would like that to be the case.

00:43:06.220 But I can't let my guard down because there's no man to fill the role that he needs to fill.

00:43:10.960 so we're not finding lovely women women are becoming masculinized and everybody's pissed

00:43:18.280 what's the solution men protect provide preside ladies let us do it we want to do it lower your 0.99

00:43:26.620 guard a little bit when you feel safe and comfortable and let's come together feminine 0.92

00:43:30.420 masculine coming together and creating something beautiful but you can be that for your daughter

00:43:36.000 or daughters in this case. And, uh, I think it's powerful role. I love it. Yeah.

00:43:44.280 Carbon hash. He has a short one here. He says, how do you handle being angry at your kids without

00:43:49.900 becoming your own father? Well, I think, I think first and foremost, identify when you say

00:43:58.200 becoming your own father, you should be able to identify what that is very clearly. And I would

00:44:05.040 actually get a notepad out and I would write all the things down. And I'd write the good things

00:44:08.860 too, by the way. So you have a T-chart and you're like, okay, here's the good things. Hard worker,

00:44:15.500 capable, strong opinions, opinionated, and that can be good or bad. But write down all the good

00:44:22.660 things. And then on the other side, write down impatient, quick temper, maybe abusive,

00:44:31.300 verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever. Write down all of those things

00:44:37.560 because now you know what you admired in him and what you didn't. And so you can say to yourself,

00:44:44.620 well, I want to be a hard worker and I want to be committed and I want to have courage and bold

00:44:50.560 assertions in the way I view the world. I want to, I love those. Those are great things. I want to

00:44:54.100 be those things, but I don't want to be impatient with my children and I don't want to be a quick

00:45:00.300 temper. And I don't want to be emotionally or verbally abusive. Good. Write all that down.

00:45:07.140 Anger is not the issue. Okay. There's going to be things that your children do that just

00:45:12.860 tick you off. That's not a problem. It's, you know what? Being angry is sometimes justified.

00:45:21.460 Like I get angry when my kids don't take care of their stuff around the house because

00:45:27.080 then somebody else has to do it. And that's not fair to the other people in the house if you're

00:45:32.260 not pulling your weight. Now, do I march into the room and beat the hell out of one of my children

00:45:39.300 because they're not putting away their dishes? Probably a little aggressive.

00:45:45.680 But could I use that anger to say, hey, look, bud, what is your role in the house as far as

00:45:52.100 as far as keeping it clean and orderly? Well, I'm supposed to do the dishes, clean my room and

00:45:56.180 vacuum. Right. And how do you feel like you've been doing those things? I haven't been doing

00:46:01.740 very good. Right. Why? And how do you think that impacts everybody else in the family?

00:46:09.420 So I can be angry, but now I'm actually having a productive conversation instead of a destructive

00:46:14.340 conversation. So detach the emotion from the response. I can be sad. I have sad days.

00:46:23.280 do I wallow in my own self-pity? Do I throw a pity party? Do I play victim? Do I gaslight

00:46:31.780 people to validate me in certain ways? No. I'm just having a bad day, but I still do my work.

00:46:41.080 I show up as powerfully as I can. I figure out why I'm having a bad day. I change my behavior.

00:46:47.380 I change my thought pattern. And that is all a result of an emotion that most people would say

00:46:52.740 is a negative one. It's not negative. It's actually really powerful and productive if you

00:46:57.140 do the right thing with it, but detach them. And then you won't be your dad. Cause look,

00:47:00.720 you're going to get angry. You're a, you're a human being. Nobody's telling you not to get

00:47:05.380 angry. We're telling you not to hit your child. There's a difference between the two. It's a

00:47:11.140 wide gap that we don't have to bridge. Well, and it's a great time to even learn

00:47:18.380 about yourself. You know, we use this analogy, like you've used this term, like the check engine

00:47:23.960 light or the fuel light is just an indicator on the dashboard, right? And then what you do with

00:47:29.980 it matters. But sometimes I do, you know, if we use that analogy, sometimes the fuel low gauge

00:47:37.740 is faulty. And what you also don't want to do is like, oh, it's saying that the tank's empty and

00:47:44.800 then you just keep pouring gas in, right? And have it overfill that it also doesn't serve you.

00:47:50.340 And you might sometimes go, well, maybe that check engine sensors off. Maybe the fuel gauge

00:47:57.600 sensors off. Maybe that's not justified. Maybe the thing I'm mad about is not really what they're

00:48:04.320 doing. Maybe it's actually something else. Maybe it's rooted in something else. And so just be

00:48:11.060 present to it. Yes. I, I agree. There are just indicators what we do matters, but also like

00:48:17.720 learn, like, why is that triggering me? Why is that making me upset? Is that even justified

00:48:22.280 and, and put yourself in check as well, um, from time to time. But, but I agree with you because

00:48:28.100 I think sometimes we have to be careful because if we're not careful, we'll communicate, don't

00:48:34.840 have emotions, right? And that's also not true. And that's never going to happen either. So I'm

00:48:41.260 not saying don't get all sideways with the idea that you get angry from time to time, but be

00:48:48.180 present to it and maybe seek to understand where that's coming from. I love that. I love that.

00:48:54.540 Yeah, it's the other thing I was thinking is, let's say, I'm sure we've all punched a hole in

00:48:59.820 wall, right? Kip, I'm sure you've done that. I've done that. I've done it. And so you punch a hole

00:49:04.580 in the wall and then your wife's like, Hey, what, what happened to this wall? And you're like, well, 1.00

00:49:11.120 I was angry. So I punched a hole in the wall. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

00:49:14.380 you were angry, understandable potentially. And so then because of that, you were forced

00:49:24.600 against your will for your fist to fly through the wall?

00:49:29.220 Is that what you're saying?

00:49:30.120 You were angry and that is attached

00:49:32.860 to punching a hole in the wall?

00:49:35.220 Well, why aren't there more holes in the wall? 1.00

00:49:37.980 Why didn't she punch a hole in the wall 1.00

00:49:39.840 when she was angry? 0.98

00:49:41.360 Oh, wait, because those two aren't married?

00:49:47.060 Like, don't say that I was angry 0.83

00:49:48.980 and so I yelled at my kids.

00:49:51.340 No, you were angry and you yelled at your kids.

00:49:54.600 you were angry and you punched a hole in the wall what if instead of that you said i was angry

00:50:01.440 and so i talked with my children about what i was upset about i was angry and so i went to the gym

00:50:07.800 and blew off some steam because it was building up and venting inside of me i didn't want to let

00:50:12.100 it get out to anybody else both reasonable responses to anger one sets productive one

00:50:19.700 is literally destructive if you're punching holes in the wall

00:50:22.440 yeah yeah totally all right well one more question here bo lynn scott he says

00:50:31.500 what's one thing that you've had to unlearn from your father that took you the longest to shake

00:50:39.960 hmm i mean i didn't know my father very well

00:50:43.360 my father was an alcoholic too he's passed away now but my father was an alcoholic too

00:50:51.900 intentionally learned from your father you know what I mean yeah yeah I I would say you know

00:50:57.320 that's that's we know that's genetic right our our propensity for alcohol abuse and drug abuse

00:51:03.280 and those sorts of things um drugs has never been an issue for me but I've really had to spend some

00:51:08.780 time on that you know I'd also say my dad in a lot of ways and I don't like I don't like even

00:51:15.760 saying this because there's so many positive things about my father that I would rather focus

00:51:19.720 on, but in the spirit of the question, I think my father had so many great ideas and I think he had

00:51:25.160 so much potential inside of him. I think he could have done amazing things. When I was a kid, I would

00:51:30.720 go into his paint shop and he always worked for another, whether it was a chain or a private

00:51:36.720 company, but I would go to his paint shop wherever he was working and I would watch him almost in

00:51:42.420 awe at the way that he would interact with his clients. I mean, he learned to speak Spanish,

00:51:47.960 to talk to some of his clients um they were they they grew they lived in a predominantly hispanic 0.99

00:51:54.960 area in california um he would choke with them he would play with them he would make people he

00:52:00.240 didn't know he'd make them feel comfortable he had this amazing ability to match paint by sight

00:52:06.580 so people would be bringing a paint sample and be like okay that's two shots of red and

00:52:12.580 the three things of green and then i'm going to add a little bit more of this and a little bit

00:52:16.100 and he would get it just by sight before there was like all the formulas that were all taken

00:52:19.880 care of. And I was always so impressed with that. But the thing that I never really understood,

00:52:25.720 I'm like, why didn't, why didn't you do more? Like, why didn't, why, like, it seemed like he

00:52:32.800 settled. And that might've been a result of some of his, you know, his, his alcohol abuse or other

00:52:39.780 things, but like, why did he settle? Maybe he didn't feel like he did. I don't know.

00:52:44.940 But yeah, I really saw more potential in him than what he delivered. Yeah. And I refuse personally

00:52:51.940 to let myself coast. I, you know, I got really complacent when I was drinking a lot. It's just

00:52:58.020 a nature of the poison we're putting into our bodies. It was amazing when I stopped drinking.

00:53:03.320 I mean, I freed up three to four hours a day. There was times where I'd do my work

00:53:06.860 by 11 or noon and I'd be pacing around the house like what do I do now because two three months

00:53:13.400 earlier I'd probably just be passed out or you know in a in a haze or a coma so um yeah potential

00:53:21.860 like realizing the entirety of what we're capable of doing is important to me yeah yeah you know

00:53:29.160 it's funny we've used this analogy and and more and more this is present in my life that are some

00:53:35.720 of our greatest strengths are our weaknesses and the thing that comes to mind for me is right in

00:53:42.560 line with that category and at my dad's funeral and I've heard it my entire life around you know

00:53:49.860 my dad's name is RD and that uh he's just a hard worker everyone always said it man your dad is such

00:53:56.880 a hard worker your dad is I mean everybody would say that to me all the time right and and I knew

00:54:04.340 it. Right. Like I rarely would I ever know about the guy sleeping. Right. And even if I logically

00:54:11.080 look at back at life and I'm like, I have no idea how he pulled it off with how many hours he

00:54:19.340 constantly worked. And if there was a trend in my brothers and what we got from our father,

00:54:29.120 it was that, that we all, our work ethic was awesome. But that also taught me that

00:54:38.560 the quality of something is tied to how much hard work you put into it. And I was raised with this

00:54:48.900 idea that like, if you're not grinding, if you're not like exhausted from work,

00:54:55.980 then you're not doing it right doesn't count and yeah and uh and i think that was wrong like that

00:55:04.020 that's something that i've i've had to unlearn and somewhat recent recently unlearn and go actually

00:55:10.400 no it shouldn't be difficult and miserable and grinding all the time that i can be effective

00:55:18.220 and productive and, and, and give my heart to something, but also keep it in its place

00:55:24.860 and have a balance of life of experience, love and relationships while also working

00:55:32.260 and work isn't everything. Um, and so that, that's probably been the, you know, the gift from him,

00:55:38.880 but also, uh, the gift that, that I had to put in check and, and make sure that, uh, I was learning

00:55:45.500 the right lesson. Yeah, it's powerful. I like that. All right. Good, man. So we have some good

00:55:51.940 questions. Go for it. Yeah, absolutely. Great questions as always. Keep them coming. We have

00:55:57.480 a call to action. And what the call to action is, is registering for an event that we have on

00:56:04.060 August 19th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And it's the War Room. To learn more, go to

00:56:12.040 orderofman.com slash war room. And Ryan's going to be presenting around the five frameworks to

00:56:19.680 restore order. So, and I don't know, Ryan, if this is a line, but when I hear that, I think,

00:56:24.960 all right, if you're living a life of a little bit chaos, things are chaotic, maybe at work or

00:56:30.960 at home. And it just, man, you need to get that energy back that order gives us. I think this is

00:56:41.920 going to be a call for you. So once again, order of man.com slash war room. And that's August 19th

00:56:47.460 at 8 PM. Anything you would add and maybe even tease around that subject, Ryan? I mean, I think

00:56:52.800 you hit it. Like when men feel chaotic in their lives, they're not, they're not as productive.

00:56:57.440 They're not as fulfilled. They're not as calm even for themselves. We've even had a couple

00:57:03.360 of questions today that revolved around the same issue. One guy said, Hey, I feel like I'm losing

00:57:07.120 my 16 year old son. That's chaos. It can't feel good. It doesn't feel good. I felt that way before.

00:57:12.380 So how do you restore order within the walls of your home? Or maybe you feel like you're losing

00:57:16.880 it in business. Maybe your employees are, are, are not satisfied, um, or, or you're not satisfied

00:57:24.240 because your boss is chaotic and hectic. And you feel like maybe there's, you know, something

00:57:29.220 brewing on the horizon. You don't quite know what it is. You can't quite put your finger on it,

00:57:33.120 but you're uncomfortable. You're not at ease. You can't sleep at night. Something's keeping

00:57:39.000 you awake. Structure and order is the solution to that. And there's frameworks for creating that

00:57:46.200 in your life. Order of man has always been a great name, not because I'm biased, although I am,

00:57:51.340 but because order has two meanings. Order as in us as a collective, men getting together,

00:57:58.320 working together, but also order as in there's a natural order of things. There's a natural order

00:58:04.840 between masculinity and femininity, for example. But there's also order in the way that we are to

00:58:10.000 show up. Protect, provide, preside is part of that order. If we know that and we know the parameters

00:58:15.980 in which we operate, then it gives us a clearer path to what we should be doing. A lot of times

00:58:21.740 people think structure, discipline, order, et cetera, are limiting. No, it's actually very

00:58:28.420 freeing because it frees up your capacity to focus on the few things that matter as compared to all

00:58:36.040 of the things, most of which doesn't. So we'll talk about those frameworks. And the best thing

00:58:40.240 about it is it's entirely free. I just, I want to help people. I want men to thrive. And this is

00:58:49.300 something that I think we can do once a month that just gives men ideas. So whether you're in

00:58:54.240 the iron council or not, or listen or don't or care about us or don't, I care about you. I want

00:59:00.700 this to be successful for you. So order of man.com slash war room RSVP. That way I have an idea of

00:59:06.340 how many people be joining us and it should be a really good call. Excellent. And as always connect

00:59:11.880 with Mr. Mickler on the socials, both X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler, always an honor,

00:59:17.800 sir. And, and thanks to the guys for, for solid questions for my own personal benefit.

00:59:23.340 Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Yeah. I'd say it's selfish, but it's not, it's aligned. Right. And I

00:59:28.240 think when you find alignment between the value you're receiving and the value you're giving,

00:59:32.280 that's a beautiful place to be. So guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there,

00:59:36.460 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

00:59:41.940 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:59:46.680 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 12, 2026

Aging Bodies, Defiant Children, and Rejecting Gossip ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Transcript