Order of Man - Daughters Who are Dating, Betrayed in Business, and Divided Faith at Home ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 But if you're reasonable about it

00:00:01.520 and you explain to your daughter about like,

00:00:03.560 hey bud, like Steve's coming over today

00:00:06.060 and that's great, I'm really excited for you.

00:00:08.320 Here's the four things that Steve needs to do.

00:00:10.540 He needs to come to the door when he gets here.

00:00:13.100 He needs to call me Mr. Mickler.

00:00:15.140 He needs to tell me what the plan is.

00:00:17.240 He needs to come sit on the couch and talk with me.

00:00:20.060 I will be respectful of him.

00:00:21.740 I will not embarrass you.

00:00:23.700 I will not mistreat him and everything will be good.

00:00:28.060 And if we can do that, we're good.

00:00:30.000 great. Have fun. But if we can't meet these expectations and you're not willing to agree

00:00:34.840 to my expectations, or I'm not willing to agree with yours, then we don't have a deal here. I'm

00:00:38.660 still in charge. I'm your dad. That's how I'd look at it. And that's how I will look at it.

00:00:44.340 Kip, what's up, man? I hope you're doing well in my brand new studio. So if guys aren't listening

00:00:49.780 this on YouTube or watching it on YouTube, they probably should. I feel a little bit like the

00:00:55.020 masculine version of Mr. Rogers while I'm sitting over here in my brand new studio.

00:01:00.000 well i and i you're enjoying that chair a lot too right like you know so comfortable if all

00:01:06.280 sudden you don't hear ryan i'm like yeah i'll let you guys know if he's he fell asleep you know mid

00:01:11.440 episode in his man chair oh it is man and i've got another leather chair right there and i've got

00:01:18.920 like if you guys haven't seen the studio i've got all my favorite things the cool thing about

00:01:24.080 this studio though kip is i um well you and i both know johnny johnny loretty is a good friend

00:01:30.040 of mine he's a good friend of yours uh we've hunted together we've broken bread together he

00:01:34.840 served our organization dutifully and faithfully and he's just a good decent human being well his

00:01:41.920 wife is an interior designer her name's lauren and she's phenomenal and if johnny messes that

00:01:49.320 one up um i'm gonna chase her around i shouldn't i shouldn't say that if johnny messes that one up

00:01:56.040 from the episode yeah no i believe that if johnny messes that one up shame on him but no she's

00:02:02.080 she's amazing um she put together some mock-up images of what the studio by the way if you mess

00:02:09.200 it up with asia i'm gonna chase her around too okay so i just want to be really clear on that

00:02:13.460 i do not discriminate against that um yeah all men protect your women from ryan exactly exactly

00:02:20.880 um no she did an amazing job with the studio and she put some mock-ups and she said hey this would

00:02:30.000 be cool look at this try this tweak that adjust that and this is kind of a brainchild of of johnny's

00:02:36.500 wife lauren and she did amazing but the cool thing about it is all of this stuff is is mine

00:02:43.140 like i don't have a design team i didn't spend you know 20 grand on bringing a team in here

00:02:49.600 um you know you didn't spend five grand on some deer horns yeah no there's sheds i found i've got

00:02:57.460 you can't see it here but there's an impala my son shot in africa there's pictures up here on

00:03:03.660 the wall of my i'll have to look exactly but i think he's my great great great uncle who built

00:03:11.060 a brewery in central california and i've got awesome pictures here and i've got skulls from

00:03:18.420 the animals i've shot the animals my sons have shot and my grandpa's pipe and pictures of my

00:03:24.040 grandfather so it's very personalized you know this this chair right here i'm sitting in

00:03:29.480 um you can't see it but on this side it's actually scratched and it says it's scratched

00:03:36.500 with a fingernail it's a name and it's my second son's name and the interesting thing about it is

00:03:45.220 i thought initially it was my second son who did it but then i realized the e and his name was

00:03:50.560 backwards and i realized oh it wasn't my second son who did that it was my youngest son trying to

00:03:57.260 entrap my second son his older brother and i said in trouble yeah yeah trying to get him in trouble

00:04:04.480 I said, did you do this? He's like, no. I'm like, why is that E backwards? He's like, I did it.

00:04:10.280 I'm sorry. And, uh, yeah. So he's like fingernails scratch the crap out of my brand new leather

00:04:18.800 chairs. So there's history, man. There's stories here. I love it. I'm excited about it.

00:04:24.460 That's funny. I funny. All right, man. You have a wholesome segment for us.

00:04:29.360 yeah i've got two so number one there's this there's this big thing i don't know if you've

00:04:35.240 seen it kit but there's this big thing over the weekend there has been a viral video that emerged

00:04:41.040 and it's a husband and a wife and they're at a uh giants game i believe and this woman comes down

00:04:50.260 and she's got a bunch of different food for her and her husband and her baby and she's got

00:04:55.580 the baby on her chest on like one of those little carrier things or whatever. And she's just doing 0.92

00:05:01.920 all the things. And the husband is caught basically saying, Oh, did you forget something

00:05:07.740 or like something like that? And this husband has just been run through the ringer.

00:05:14.860 And I try to be a little cautious of trying to make an argument over something that, you know,

00:05:23.820 you only catch a glimpse of. I'm not great at it. Sometimes I fall right into it as well.

00:05:29.580 But you know what I thought was wholesome? I don't know this guy's story. I don't know her story. I

00:05:34.900 know nothing about them. What I do know is I saw the video and I was like, what a scumbag. 1.00

00:05:40.340 Your wife's up there getting three or four things of food. She's got a baby on her chest. Like, 1.00

00:05:44.340 what a scumbag. That was my initial reaction. But what was wholesome about it is she actually 1.00

00:05:49.300 came out a day or two later defending her husband. And she said, Hey, he's, he's a great guy. Like

00:05:58.800 he's, he was dealing with some, some difficult circumstances because I think she said either a

00:06:04.900 family member or a friend, I think it was a friend had just died and he was struggling with it and

00:06:10.540 suffering with it. And so, you know, we wanted to go to the game and just enjoy a night out. And I

00:06:16.180 wanted to like take care of them i thought that was awesome man like we we pit women and men

00:06:23.880 against each other all the time without realizing the nuance of the situation and should he have

00:06:29.740 look if your friend died like horrible i'm not discounting that horrible should you help your

00:06:36.280 wife still yeah i mean as as men we still have responsibilities regardless of our external

00:06:41.600 circumstances. But for her to come to bat for her husband, I just thought was top notch, just

00:06:49.360 high class because we have this society where everybody will throw each other under the bus,

00:06:56.000 even people you love and care about and have been with each other for a long time

00:06:59.100 at a whim just to get a little social clout. And from what I could tell, she didn't do that.

00:07:05.520 She stood by her husband and said, Hey, look, like he's a great guy. He's a great husband.

00:07:10.120 here's what he's dealing with i wanted to serve him props to her and and she's been dubbed mom

00:07:16.060 of the year maybe even wife of the year like pretty incredible you know and i know there's

00:07:22.700 a lot of stories like that that don't get viewed and looked at but it just reminds us to look at

00:07:29.500 some nuance again i i think the guy should have like gone up and got food or whatever for sure

00:07:34.540 i'm not saying two things can exist at once but i just thought that was pretty cool of her and 0.76

00:07:40.040 uh, props to mom of the year and potentially even wife of the year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's,

00:07:49.100 it's crazy, man. Like, uh, we, we've both read the book, the four agreements, right. And in,

00:07:54.500 in that book, he talks about poison, like our words can be black magic, I think is the term

00:08:00.400 that he uses in that book. And to your point, man, it's so easy, so easy in so many circumstances,

00:08:08.260 whether it's your spouse or people that you work with, people that you respect, and then someone

00:08:14.540 you know talks ill of them, and most people don't defend them, right? Most people don't go like,

00:08:19.980 hey, you know, like, I don't think that's the case, or have you considered this? They don't

00:08:23.820 challenge the thought process. They instead, in most cases, they double down, right? And, you know,

00:08:31.600 how unfortunate that is, you know, that we might have people in our lives that don't stand for us,

00:08:37.260 you know, that are so easily, um, self-focused maybe that they're willing to, um, be okay with

00:08:44.800 speaking ill of you, you know, when you're, when you're not in the room. And so I love that call

00:08:49.980 to action, you know, and, and it's, and it is black magic, you know, that is bad stuff. That

00:08:54.840 is poison. It doesn't do anybody any good and it's lazy thinking. Right. And so if we can

00:09:00.240 maybe show up in a way where we not just not, we don't have to necessarily argue with everybody,

00:09:05.340 but even challenge their thought process, right?

00:09:07.360 In those circumstances,

00:09:08.320 I think we'd all be a little bit better off.

00:09:12.200 Man, Kip, if you only knew how often

00:09:14.060 I needed to defend you in private,

00:09:15.840 I just, you'd think the world would be.

00:09:19.520 You're like, man, it's all I do.

00:09:22.440 It's like a full-time job trying to get people

00:09:24.760 not to be mad at you.

00:09:28.080 No, actually, insincerity. 0.98

00:09:30.620 I mean, I like to bust your chops a little bit,

00:09:33.660 a little bit but in sincerity the opposite is probably true i mean i i can't tell you and i

00:09:39.460 want to pay you this compliment i can't tell you how often i hear from people it's almost annoying

00:09:44.160 quite frankly at times but i hear from people who are like oh yeah kip's kip did so amazing on this

00:09:49.980 and kip's leadership and kip's this and kip's that i'm like hey bro like i'm enough about here too

00:09:56.640 no it's i'm actually we are changing the podcast yeah i was gonna joke yeah we're changing it from

00:10:04.880 order of man to order of ryan so that way no one loses sight of what's this about i'm just joking

00:10:10.260 right man this is ego driven no i i just wanted to pay you that compliment i mean i i i've never

00:10:16.480 met a person who just didn't think so highly of you um and i think it's a testament to the kind

00:10:22.700 of man you are. I'm inspired by you. You know, I, I, I see what you do with your business. I see

00:10:27.880 the way that you, uh, lead your family, uh, the way that you show up, you know, we've broken bread

00:10:33.840 together. We spend time together. We hunt together. I mean, the only, the only critique I would have

00:10:38.380 of you Kip is we got to get you on more hunts, but outside of that, man, I just, I love the way

00:10:43.180 you show up and, um, and, uh, yeah, you're, you're a good example to me and, and obviously everybody

00:10:50.780 else who I talk with. So yeah. Awesome. Well, and I appreciate, and I appreciate that. Like I

00:10:57.200 really do. Um, and even with all that, do we mess up? Of course. Absolutely. All the time,

00:11:06.620 you know, and even yesterday, sometimes, and I know I piss you off sometimes and it's just like,

00:11:10.980 it is. I pissed myself off. You know, I was doing some reflection yesterday and I'm like,

00:11:16.900 hey moron you know get your crap together so yeah good times way it goes hey one more thing 0.96

00:11:25.060 real quick i wanted to just highlight these if you're watching on youtube you can see these 1.00

00:11:29.260 my good friend john milan who you know kip he just sent me some brand new boots from origin

00:11:34.720 these things are 100 made and sourced in america leather from america threads from america rivets

00:11:41.080 from america souls from america built in the backwoods of montana um and i know that sounds

00:11:47.120 like a really good commercial and maybe it is but i'm just telling you man these boots and i and i've

00:11:53.120 got i looked at my closet the other day i've got four pairs of boots from origin uh and this is my

00:12:01.400 newest pair i can't remember what it's called but it got it's got the luck and i reached out to them

00:12:05.960 because i said hey i want a new pair of boots and one thing i'm going to do this year i decided this

00:12:12.040 is what i'm going to do this year so i'm i'm going to minnesota which you've been to minnesota with

00:12:18.040 us for hunting and i'm also going to massachusetts uh later in the year to hunt out there i'm tired

00:12:25.140 of the camouflage stuff man like i don't think it's necessary so i'm gonna piss a bunch of people 0.71

00:12:33.160 office i say the kuyu guys and the and the sit could guys and the under everybody's pissed at 0.68

00:12:39.420 me now i know but i'm gonna actually go so i had origin send me these boots send me two pairs of

00:12:46.140 their thick factory denim send me a couple flannels send me a couple hoodies and i'm like

00:12:52.600 i'm gonna go hunt a deer the way that our grandfathers did you know like those pictures

00:12:57.000 where you see old timers and they've got the hats on with the ear flaps and a red flannel on denim

00:13:02.280 and boots and they look miserable and horrible but they shot like 17 stud bucks that year and 0.87

00:13:08.780 they've got them all lined up i'm gonna do that this year so i'm gonna hunt their iron sights

00:13:14.220 red bro yeah for sure i'm gonna hunt in red flannel and denim this year all all by origin so

00:13:20.780 wish me luck now there's some pressure here but that's what i'm gonna do this year

00:13:26.760 i love it i love it well and correct me if i'm wrong right it's not it's not colors right it's

00:13:33.360 just pattern disruption right so that's all it is a flannel with a pattern on it isn't that

00:13:38.180 camouflage really so no it is so i love so i'm a big sika guy like i love sika i love i love

00:13:45.620 under armor stuff i love uh origin stuff i mean those are the three companies that i mostly wear

00:13:49.800 their camo and you guys might be thinking what the hell are these guys talking why are they

00:13:54.980 talking about this, but no, it's, it's interesting to me. So, um, I know one of the big product

00:14:01.780 developers for Sitka and what's interesting. And my friend and your friend, Matt Schmigdahl,

00:14:07.420 um, has, has told me, and he, he was watching some product research on Sitka camo. And he was

00:14:13.560 saying, you know, like the reason they make their pattern the way they do is if a deer actually

00:14:17.900 looks up the white spots on the camo look like the sky or the sun shining through a tree. So like

00:14:24.280 you said it's all pattern disruption uh but the interesting thing about that was the guy said he's

00:14:30.100 like i could have made this in purple or pink but dudes don't buy purple but it really doesn't matter

00:14:36.880 because the way that the cone structure of the eye in a deer doesn't pick up on on color it just

00:14:43.020 picks up on pattern disruption so we'll see how red does this year um i'm gonna shoot a monster 0.99

00:14:49.640 in flannel dude i'd love it monster i'm gonna freeze my balls off but i'm gonna shoot a freaking 0.96

00:14:54.800 monster all right let's get to some questions all right wasted way too much time yes no no it's it's 0.97

00:15:04.640 all good well it you know when when when the when it kicks off if it has to do with talking good

00:15:09.360 about me it's it's it was a is worth time you know is worth it so yeah i'll i'll well you know

00:15:15.220 what we should do and instead moving forward instead of a wholesome segment we should just

00:15:19.460 do a kip segment where we just rain down praises on you and that might that might get you here on

00:15:25.700 time yeah yep absolutely oh man that's funny all right danny skolnick uh our good our good friend

00:15:33.700 danny has a long question danny i'm gonna i'm gonna break this down a little bit okay um so he

00:15:39.620 says, after 25 years of life to public service, the idea of entrepreneurship is appealing. However,

00:15:47.560 I'm scared. Entrepreneurship is not something I'm familiar with and frankly didn't understand until

00:15:53.420 I was 40 years old. Although safety and security is and always has been important to me,

00:15:59.040 entrepreneurship hits at a level of freedom that is desirable. He says, I heard a powerful question

00:16:04.760 recently, what would you do if you weren't afraid? My answer is I'd retire, but the question still

00:16:13.000 remains, retire at 47 and do what? My options are terrifying, go all in on one of my hobbies,

00:16:19.700 which currently doesn't pay me anything, start a YouTube channel, find another job while also

00:16:25.180 collecting my pension, retire and just straight up deal with struggle and fears that come along

00:16:30.520 the way and figure it out. I don't know. So my question for you and Ryan is, or Ryan and Kip

00:16:36.200 is how would you go about making this life-changing decision? Yeah. I mean, I, I, first of all,

00:16:44.260 I love, I love Danny, like the way that he comes at questions. And I don't know if you were on the

00:16:48.400 Friday call in the iron council last week, but Danny challenges me like me personally, not

00:16:55.220 contentiously but he always approaches whatever i say again it's not contentious he it's curious

00:17:04.100 he always approaches whatever i say from out of left field i have no idea any time what what

00:17:10.100 danny's gonna say but it's always thoughtful um and it and it's always a little bit counter than

00:17:15.300 the way my mind works so there's a lot to unpack here um well first of all uh you know you talk

00:17:22.340 about moving from maybe a corporate environment over into an entrepreneur situation and you talk

00:17:31.440 about risk people people people don't get this right i don't think and i and i i'm not saying

00:17:38.980 danny's getting it wrong i'm just saying he's not looking at the entire picture because what he's

00:17:43.160 saying is essentially he said well it's risky and it's scary and i'm concerned okay is there

00:17:49.400 no risk in your current job that's that's the way that we have been conditioned to believe

00:17:55.000 kip you you've worked yeah maybe i'll turn it over to you on this one because i haven't really

00:18:00.700 been in corporate in corporate america i have not done that a little bit when i was younger but not

00:18:07.040 really but i think what most people think is there as they as they look at and say well if i start my

00:18:12.740 own business it's risky yeah there's risk for sure but is there any risk associated with your

00:18:19.380 with what you're doing now. I'm going to turn that over to you and I've got some other thoughts,

00:18:23.080 but I want to hear what you have to say about that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've worked for

00:18:27.780 large corporations, Intel, Micron, you guys may have heard of them. And you know,

00:18:35.020 it's ironic is in retrospect, there's more risk working for them than ever when I worked for

00:18:42.360 myself because it's when I worked for them that I got outsourced. But when I worked for myself,

00:18:48.600 the correlation between my effort and success was 100 percent depending on what i did there was a

00:18:55.680 corresponding outcome but sometimes when you work for corporate america it doesn't matter how great

00:19:00.500 you are if you're a number in a department as part of this massive machine you could be amazing

00:19:07.320 at your job and guess what it doesn't matter so yes is there maybe potential risk or let's say

00:19:15.060 it this way, is there more responsibility on you to determine the outcome? The answer is absolutely.

00:19:21.860 But that doesn't necessarily correlate to risk. One way, look at it and say, it's security,

00:19:26.920 depending on the confidence level that you have in yourself and your abilities. And so I've ran

00:19:32.960 into this issue when I started my own consulting company, geez, almost 20 years ago, where when I

00:19:39.480 hired my first employee, I had a hard time hiring an employee because I'd try to poach someone that

00:19:44.820 worked for corporate America and say, Hey, come work for me, the solo consultant owner operator,

00:19:50.320 you'll be employee number two. And a lot of them were like, well, that seems risky. And I, I,

00:19:56.540 I got really present to this conversation. I'm like, I don't think it's risky because depending

00:20:01.040 on how hard you work determines success, but you can go somewhere else and you can do all those

00:20:06.620 great things and it may not determine an outcome. So it's, it's what level of control and autonomy

00:20:12.240 me do you want? Yeah. And I, look, I, I agree with everything you're saying. Again, I haven't

00:20:18.680 spent a whole lot of time in that market, in that sector, um, which I think I'm basically

00:20:25.840 unhirable at this point. Like if Kip, you know, you said, Hey Ryan, can I hire to work for my

00:20:30.600 company? I'm like, no, of course not. Like, I'm not going to get on your Monday meeting and you

00:20:36.400 tell me what I need to do today. I'm sorry. Like, I'm just not going to do that. Um,

00:20:42.240 I would be unhirable at this point, but I don't, yeah, I don't, I just don't think it's,

00:20:50.720 I don't think it's more risky. I, and here's what I would say is if, if more men shifted their,

00:20:56.580 their idea of entrepreneurship versus employment, and they just said to themselves,

00:21:03.440 regardless of what realm I'm in, whether I'm employed by an organization or employed by myself,

00:21:09.180 I am the CEO. I am the entrepreneurship or the entrepreneur. The only thing that changes based

00:21:16.940 on employment or entrepreneurship is who your client is. So Kip, if, if I go out and I start

00:21:23.620 a leadership organization, which I think order of man is right. So we start this leadership

00:21:28.220 organization. My client is the consumer. If I go work with you in your leadership organization,

00:21:37.740 my client is you it's not the it's not the consumer your client is the consumer but my

00:21:45.560 client is you and so i serve the client on behalf of you and i think if more people wrap their heads

00:21:55.080 around that they would realize that if you're employed you're still an entrepreneur you still

00:22:01.980 have autonomy. You still have a client to serve. You just need to figure out who it is. And part

00:22:08.520 of what I would say adds to the risk profile of being an employee is the development and

00:22:13.620 proliferation of AI. Like your job, 80% of our jobs are going away. If you're a CPA and you're

00:22:24.400 listening to this, bro, I'd be fucking worried. And I'm using that word deliberately because if 0.96

00:22:31.900 I can choose AI to break down the tax code that's ever changing every single year and telling me

00:22:39.940 all the loopholes and advantages legally that I can take advantage of, I don't actually want

00:22:45.460 a human to do that. If I'm trying to build out my estate planning profile and build a will and

00:22:52.440 to trust, if you're an attorney, you better be worried because I don't actually want a human to

00:22:58.360 do that. I want AI as powerful as it is. I want AI to go in and find every loophole, every precedent,

00:23:06.780 every example, every situation that I could potentially exploit again legally to position

00:23:13.620 myself, my family and my loved ones in the best light possible. If heaven forbid, I die prematurely

00:23:19.160 and want to pass on as much money as i possibly can if you're if you're a web builder ai can build

00:23:26.660 it faster and better and cheaper than you can i'm sorry like we just can um so that's a real threat

00:23:35.440 that people need to be aware of and i think i don't know what industry danny is is in i can't

00:23:40.780 remember i should probably know but i can't remember um but that's a real threat but i think

00:23:45.500 to hit health care yeah health care is another great example there will come a point in time

00:23:50.840 i'm being a bit of a futurist here there will come a point in time where i walk through my front door

00:23:55.820 and i've got a big wall right on the right side of of my house when i walk it's pretty big empty

00:24:02.000 wall i've got my computer and stuff there but it's a it's an empty space there will there trust me

00:24:06.900 mark my words right now there will come a point in time where i walk in the house and i stand in

00:24:11.720 front of that wall and i spread my legs i open my arms up and you know dr medical or whatever

00:24:20.880 robot scans me and says hey everything looks good body fat's a little higher than it was

00:24:27.380 last week uh we're we're picking up we're tracing some cell activate i'm making shit up but we're 0.84

00:24:34.520 tracing some cell activation and it looks like there might be something in your colon that we

00:24:40.480 need to be aware of we need to figure out so let's go ahead and take a closer look i promise

00:24:48.220 you that will come so if you're in health care and you're thinking to yourself hey i'm on my

00:24:51.620 high and mighty i'm sitting on my throne and no or even a surgeon bro a robot can do can do heart

00:24:57.920 surgery on me better than you can it just is it just it's just the nature of it and i ran into

00:25:04.080 this when i was doing financial planning where like i got into it enough and i'm i'm enough of

00:25:08.960 of a marketer where i saw these old guys all of them were slightly balding which you know i am now

00:25:14.480 um you know so i used to tease them i can't anymore uh and they'd sit on their leather

00:25:20.960 chairs which you know i am now i'm shit i'm turning into those guys um and and they would 0.97

00:25:28.600 tell me you know like oh you know i'm so high and mighty and wonderful attorneys do this shit too 0.98

00:25:33.740 um and i told him i said look you you better get on board with digital marketing with robo advisors 0.98

00:25:42.900 no no no no no it'll never replace that's arrogance so i would just if if you're in

00:25:49.080 any industry i would just look long and hard at the risk to your industry going away and then the

00:25:55.260 last thing which is the real impetus of of danny's question is you know what do i do well i think we

00:26:01.640 live in an environment now where I don't have to make a black and white choice. I didn't.

00:26:06.660 A lot of social media guys, like the entrepreneur leadership, social media guys will say, burn the

00:26:11.880 boats, go all in. And then you ask them, well, what'd you do? And they're like, well, I didn't

00:26:15.320 do it like that. And I didn't do it like that. I mean, I started order a man when I was a full

00:26:22.200 time financial advisor. I'd wake up early, do some work. I do a little bit of work with order

00:26:27.360 of man, um, on my lunch break, I'd come home, eat dinner with my, my wife, my then wife, um,

00:26:35.840 you know, hang out with the kids, put the kids to bed. And then I'd go do more work with order

00:26:39.340 of man, but I didn't go all in. In fact, I didn't leave until I sold my financial planning practice

00:26:45.040 for multi six figures, uh, and then poured fully into order of man. So I actually, to Danny's

00:26:52.660 point, I don't think you need to choose. It's not black and white. I don't think you need to choose

00:26:57.020 one or the other but i would definitely explore other aspects while you have some of this other

00:27:04.140 type of security over here with your your current employment or business yeah totally well and one

00:27:10.980 thing for danny that that it's obvious danny in the message right in the question and and i think

00:27:17.340 you know this right as you think through this but do you want to retire and just be lazy and do

00:27:22.780 nothing. Of course not, man. You want to be about something. I know you, you, you want to create

00:27:28.960 something. You want to make a difference. You want to serve you. You know what I'm saying? And so

00:27:33.840 like, do it, like go for it. And, and I think we're, we all have that kind of built into us

00:27:39.800 a little bit. I think most of us that we want to create something and, and, and especially create

00:27:45.400 something that serves or helps others. And so absolutely go after it. And, and we've talked

00:27:51.820 about this, you know, so many times over the years, Ryan, it's like, you're not going to know

00:27:55.660 what that is until you start trying it out. And so don't, don't get stuck in the paralysis of like,

00:28:02.180 Oh, I got to figure this out. No, no, no. You don't get to figure it out. You get to start

00:28:06.300 hiking and then you figure out the right route, right? Then you figure out, you know, that that

00:28:11.400 was a false summit and that you should have cut over this particular way to make it to the top

00:28:16.160 of the mountain that's how life is and so I would double down on just start acting testing out

00:28:23.000 market test out ideas test out your passion your desires all of it and and figure it out as you go

00:28:30.120 along and don't overthink it I don't think yeah well I I think that word retirement is starting

00:28:36.100 to rank right out there with vulnerability or feminist for me it's like I have friends who

00:28:43.200 who have said well i i retired you know early like oh yeah what are you doing now they're like

00:28:47.880 oh i run seven businesses and i do this and that and i'm starting this business it's a badge yeah

00:28:54.400 it's a badge i retired you haven't retired like i get why people would say that because it sounds

00:29:00.240 impressive like you said a badge of honor i don't want to read i never want to retire i don't care

00:29:05.160 if i'm 80 years old like i don't want to go off into the sunset and ride a horse out in the desert

00:29:09.920 and die sorry that doesn't sound appealing to me you know and i think there's this increasing

00:29:16.700 narrative and i've said it and i kind of believe it to a degree of like hey when i'm ready i'm

00:29:20.540 gonna write off into the sunset and you're never gonna hear from me again and i'm gonna live off

00:29:24.740 grid that sounds awesome for like 72 hours and then as a man i can't help but think oh i actually

00:29:35.100 want to be valuable to other people. I actually want to have a difference in people's lives.

00:29:41.320 I'm never retiring, bro. Never. Even if I'm not working for money.

00:29:48.720 And one of my goals, and I'll just say it publicly. One of my goals is to have a ranch

00:29:52.180 in Montana within the next decade. If I go up there, I'm going to be 40, excuse me, 55 years

00:29:57.520 old in the next decade, 55 years old. And let's say I spend, you know, five, 10, 20, 40 years of

00:30:04.960 the rest of my life up there. Yeah. I'm, I'm still working. I'm still going to be putting

00:30:10.980 up fence. I'm still going to be having calls like this. I'm still going to be taking people

00:30:16.460 on hunts. Um, I'm still going to be helping my neighbors mend fence and shoot predator.

00:30:23.460 Like I'm still working. Retirement is stupid. I hate, I hate that word. And I hate the idea 1.00

00:30:31.200 behind it because, and I'll have to look at the statistics and I've seen them. I'm just

00:30:34.440 speaking anecdotally, I don't have the statistics in front of me, but when, when men retire,

00:30:39.780 they die quickly. Yeah. Very, very quickly. And I'm not interested in doing that.

00:30:48.480 Yep. Yeah. I don't know the statistics either. I know numerous people

00:30:52.500 that once those guys stopped working and they're retired. Yeah. They just, it's wild to me. They,

00:31:00.160 they got depressed they end up having all type of psychological issues like man i think being

00:31:06.440 about something right if that if we want to use that language you got to be about something

00:31:10.660 otherwise why are you alive and it's got to be about i think kip tell me if you think i'm wrong

00:31:15.940 we've only answered one question so far but tell me if you think i'm wrong the about something i

00:31:23.920 agree with that but the about something has to be at least from where i sit has to be about other

00:31:29.960 people absolutely i actually like i can't i do not i can't say for example i'll just finish i

00:31:38.080 want to hear what you have to say let me finish this but like i can't for example say i'm just

00:31:41.320 all about hunting and gardening and self-sustainability i that's not that's not about

00:31:48.240 something to me about something inherently means that there's other people involved that you're

00:31:55.800 trying to serve, lead, protect, what guide, whatever. That's, that's how I look at it.

00:32:03.420 Totally. I completely agree. I think you're living, um, you're not living a life of fulfillment

00:32:09.620 if it's not in the service of someone else. Absolutely. So I'll, I'll ask the questions

00:32:15.140 today. So I'll ask the questions. I'll ask the questions. Number one. So this one is from,

00:32:23.060 let's see, Wyatt Delgado. He says, my best friend and business partner of 12 years quietly

00:32:30.640 moved clients to his own company before walking out. I've been angry for a year and it's eating

00:32:40.820 at me more than it's hurting him, which you don't know actually, by the way. So I'll just throw that

00:32:45.980 in there. Uh, I'm assuming you don't know is forgiveness, something I owe him or something

00:32:53.880 I owe myself. Well, here's, here's what I would say. So you don't owe forgiveness to him or

00:33:02.240 yourself. It's not some sort of obligation. It's just in your best interest. This, this kind of

00:33:09.200 falls in the line of like, should I, should I not? I don't know about should, but if you want

00:33:14.220 to live a better life then offering forgiveness is is a better we just know is a better path to

00:33:21.580 it that sucks man i've i've had that happen too actually i had it happen last year where a group

00:33:27.360 of guys in the iron council like three guys decided to quietly and and and they were doing 0.83

00:33:34.920 it sneaky they were shifty behind my back uh were quietly recruiting people for their own

00:33:43.520 organization and while they were telling other people what they didn't like about what i was

00:33:48.740 doing they were building the same systems that i was using like i mean it's the lowest

00:33:57.960 like it's lower than an amoeba or a single-celled organism like it's low and i and i've had guys

00:34:06.800 who have left the iron council to go start their own men's movement or coaching movement or

00:34:11.680 whatever. And I, I will help them. I've helped half a dozen guys go on and start. And I still

00:34:18.160 have conversations with them today about what's working and what isn't, but it's because they did

00:34:23.420 it right. And like, I've had this happen and the only thing that has helped my burden, I actually

00:34:34.180 don't care about their burden. In fact, I actually hope they crash and burn. I hope it doesn't go 0.99

00:34:40.880 well for them. But the only thing that has eased my burden, which is the only thing I can control

00:34:47.440 is offering some grace. You know, I, and I reached out to these guys.

00:34:55.500 I think it was the end of last year. I'm trying to remember the timeline. Everything goes so fast,

00:35:00.040 but I think it was the end of last year, beginning of this year. I reached out to these guys and I

00:35:03.780 said, Hey, let's have a conversation about what's going on. And they ignored me. And then

00:35:10.780 one said no we don't really want to talk it's like there's nothing i can do to control that

00:35:16.800 situation the only thing i can do is ease my own suffering through offering grace and saying hey

00:35:22.240 look these are human beings they're capable of making bad decisions um i've made bad decisions

00:35:28.500 i've done shady shit in the past uh and so you don't owe this person forgiveness

00:35:35.620 but if you want a path to redemption a path to easing your own burden a path to moving forward

00:35:44.360 then yeah probably a good idea to i don't even know if i would use the word forgiveness as

00:35:52.740 as much as i would just afford some grace that's been helpful for me to use that distinction

00:35:57.700 like hey you know what they thought they were doing the best thing because if they didn't

00:36:02.960 think that they wouldn't have done it. So they thought for whatever reason, they were doing the

00:36:07.660 best thing. They justified it. They rationalized it objectively. It was not a good thing, but they

00:36:12.680 did that. And as a human being, I've done that. I've taken advantage of people. I've lied to

00:36:19.300 people. I've manipulated people. I mean, just this morning, I had a conversation with my son.

00:36:24.600 I got back from just getting a drink this morning at the convenience store. And I asked my youngest

00:36:31.980 son i said hey bud did you take the dog out and he's like yeah and i could tell he was lying to

00:36:37.100 me i could tell and i said oh you did he's like yeah i said oh okay let me just pull up the ring

00:36:44.280 camera and uh see when you took him out then and he's like no no no i didn't take him out dad i'm

00:36:51.420 sorry i'm like okay well you didn't do what i asked you to do and then you lied that made it worse

00:36:55.940 and he said something to me that stopped me right in my tracks right in my tracks man

00:37:01.200 he's like yeah dad i lied but you lie to me too 0.69

00:37:05.380 and i was like oh shit yeah true true and he gave me a couple of examples and i was like yeah 0.69

00:37:19.360 yeah that's true so we're all human we're all imperfect and i don't feel like it's fair to

00:37:28.760 hold somebody to the regard that we aren't willing to hold ourselves to which means that yeah i think

00:37:33.960 it's a good idea to offer some grace to people when they mess up for sure it's good for you

00:37:40.200 do you think by giving grace by giving grace to someone part of why that works is it helps you

00:37:49.100 critically think about their actions and that you don't take it personal because i i think in 0.98

00:37:54.740 circumstances like this, the upset is that bastard. He did this to me. Like it, it's this 0.99

00:38:03.560 story that it was this intentional attack on me as an individual where that's where most of the

00:38:09.780 upset is. And then by giving grace and critically thinking about it, we realize, oh, got it.

00:38:15.340 They're just being probably selfish. And it's not as personal as I originally thought it was.

00:38:22.900 and that allows us to kind of let go yeah i mean every time i've ever hurt anybody was not malicious

00:38:31.120 i mean there's there's there are evil people in the world who are malicious so let's make

00:38:38.240 no mistake about it there's people who want to do you harm because they're evil and they hate you

00:38:43.400 it's true but the 99 of us and the people that you and i are interacting with aren't like that

00:38:50.300 I mean, Kip, I'll just share a personal story if I can.

00:38:55.160 Years ago, we went to, I invited you to come to a conference.

00:39:00.460 This is not a flattering story for me.

00:39:06.020 And I invited you to come to a conference to speak.

00:39:09.420 And you did.

00:39:10.760 And you did a phenomenal job and you've been a friend of mine.

00:39:13.280 And then after, do you remember what, do you know what I'm talking about?

00:39:16.980 um i don't think i spoke so so i might have been a different that's right you did come as a guest

00:39:26.000 i think you came as a guest i think that's as a guest yeah yeah yeah then yes i know what you're

00:39:30.880 talking about and then after i mean you've been a friend like you've stood by me through thick and

00:39:37.600 thin. And then after like, I, I still just bothers me. Not like what I did, but, um, after I went to

00:39:47.740 dinner with all of the speakers and I think you may have reached out or something. I can't exactly

00:39:53.740 remember the timeline. And I just said, Hey, I'm going to dinner. Like you're, you're on your own

00:39:57.660 or whatever for dinner. I said, it's like something like that. Yeah. And I just should

00:40:02.300 have invited you man like I just should have like I should have included you that was an opportunity

00:40:07.760 to include you but I don't know if I felt like oh just the speakers are hanging out or whatever and

00:40:12.240 so you went out and did your thing and I'm sure you had a great night and then I remember calling

00:40:15.700 you later that week the next week and I if I remember correctly and maybe you could tell me

00:40:22.000 if I'm wrong the way I'm remembering maybe it's more flattering than it was but I called you and

00:40:26.760 I'm like, dude, I'm sorry. Like, that was not cool. Like I, I excluded you. I, that was not

00:40:33.160 cool. I'm really sorry. That's how I remember it. Was, am I wrong? Is that, is that how it went?

00:40:38.580 Yeah, that's how it went. I mean, I think there was a group of, I think what happened is a lot

00:40:43.800 of us were planning on grabbing dinner and the, the reservation or the space was limited.

00:40:50.500 And it was like, oh, we, we all can't do this. And so I was like, and, and I try to think

00:40:55.880 logically i'm like hey this is an event there's these you know high caliber guys that spoke you

00:41:01.860 know and me and colin were just like oh we're just gonna go watch the fights at some bar you

00:41:07.960 know what i mean and i probably should have done that anyways yeah i don't know dude i i just i

00:41:14.660 remember feeling bad i remember feeling like you know i didn't include you in that situation and

00:41:21.160 i should have been i should have included you you came out as my guest and i just feel like i kind

00:41:25.360 of left you guys high and dry. And, but you know, this I didn't, and I'm not going to apologize

00:41:30.740 again. We, we, I did, we, we made amends, but you, but you know, this, I didn't do that maliciously.

00:41:36.840 There was no malicious intent behind that, you know? And, and when I told my kid this morning,

00:41:42.000 not to lie, it wasn't being malicious. I wasn't trying to manipulate him or anything. I was just

00:41:47.000 saying, don't lie. Or even when I lie, I'm not trying to be malicious. I'm not trying to hurt

00:41:52.100 him um i'm not trying to take advantage of him i'm just it's just self-preservation and

00:41:58.740 you know these guys that left the iron council i actually don't think they were being malicious

00:42:05.420 i i thought it was misguided i thought it was it was horrible behavior for sure i don't think

00:42:11.660 they're being malicious i don't i don't i just don't think they're bad guys i just think they

00:42:15.980 were just misguided and, and misused the situation and took advantage of, of me. But I like what

00:42:24.260 you're saying is that when you afford that forgiveness or grace, I think it just lets

00:42:30.020 you see the humanity of people. And then it just lets you let go so that you can move on to

00:42:35.000 something better. But also it doesn't mean that you need to expose yourself to that situation

00:42:39.280 again. Like those guys are not welcome to join the iron council ever. Do I forgive them? Yes.

00:42:45.980 can they join our organization in no they're banned for life do i want the best for them do

00:42:52.440 i want their marriages to win do i want their uh their kids to thrive yeah i was gonna say do i

00:42:57.880 want their business to grow no i don't but i but everything else absolutely like i want the i want

00:43:03.480 those guys to win at life but i'm not gonna let that happen at my expense if we want to collaborate

00:43:08.520 great but not at my expense no way i'm not opening myself up to that again

00:43:11.900 oh next question i was waiting for you to ask questions i'm like what's the next question

00:43:21.420 yeah i know all right i was like oh he's forgotten this one's comes from andrews kowalski he says

00:43:28.280 uh kowalski that's a good name i'm the guy everybody oh this one's a good one i'm the guy

00:43:33.420 in my family let's see i'm the guy in my family everyone calls when something breaks

00:43:38.620 whether it's money or marriage or cars or whatever i'm really happy to do it but nobody ever asked me

00:43:44.980 how i'm holding up so how does a man who carries every single person make room to be carried once

00:43:53.060 in a while that's a tough one i think a lot of guys can resonate with that yeah i think first

00:44:01.400 and foremost is just acknowledging that that's your role you know that that's that's your role

00:44:08.020 and instead of looking at it as a burden maybe we start just realizing that this is a beautiful

00:44:12.860 blessing you know the fact that people call you means they trust you and the fact that people

00:44:17.140 trust you means that you're valuable and the fact that you're valuable should bring some level of

00:44:22.040 fulfillment to your life it should bring some sense of personal satisfaction and it sounds like

00:44:27.540 it does so i would never get rid of that at the expense of taking care of myself because if we

00:44:37.240 lose that like we said earlier about being in service to other people if we lose the ability

00:44:43.620 to be valuable in people's lives then we lose our ability to be fulfilled in life um so what i would

00:44:51.620 say is continue to pour into the people in your life who need you for cars and money and whatever

00:44:57.000 else. Build some boundaries in place. Right. So like Kip, if you came to me and you're like, Hey,

00:45:02.200 Ryan, um, man, things have been tight right now. And I could just, I could use like a thousand

00:45:11.280 bucks to make the mortgage payment or something. Like if you said that to me, like, dude, done,

00:45:16.660 you'll have it here. Venmo, you'll have it in five minutes. If you came to me and you said,

00:45:22.780 Hey, Ryan, I need a hundred thousand dollars to pay off my mortgage. You know, it might be a

00:45:27.540 different conversation, right? Like I have boundaries. I'm like, cool. I won't give you

00:45:32.640 a hundred thousand dollars, but I'll hire you to do X, Y, and Z for the next two years. And we can

00:45:37.380 talk about what that might look like. Yeah. Um, so there's, there's boundaries in place where I can

00:45:43.060 be gracious and I can afford people opportunities and simultaneously protect myself. Because if I

00:45:51.680 give you $100,000 to pay off your mortgage, well, that means I don't get to pay off my mortgage

00:45:56.480 with $100,000. Or that means that I don't get to take my kids on the trip that we talked about

00:46:02.480 over the summer. And I'm just not willing to do that. So I think what you need to do in this

00:46:08.120 situation before it comes up again is figure out, okay, well, what do people ask me for? They ask

00:46:13.860 me for my time. They ask me for my money and they ask me for my skillset. That's what Andrew said.

00:46:19.880 Okay, so time, let's talk about time.

00:46:22.400 How much time are we looking at here?

00:46:24.000 And what days are you available?

00:46:25.840 You know, maybe Sunday, you're just not available

00:46:28.100 because that's a family day or a church day

00:46:31.420 or a spiritual day and then Sabbath.

00:46:33.020 And you decide, hey, no, it's important enough to me

00:46:35.640 that I don't do that unless there's an emergency

00:46:37.560 and somebody's in a life or death situation.

00:46:40.120 Sunday's off the table.

00:46:41.420 So if Kip, you called me on Sunday and you're like,

00:46:43.560 hey, Ryan, can you help me move today?

00:46:45.140 And Sunday was my boundary.

00:46:46.480 I'd say, hey, brother, I wish I could,

00:46:48.560 but I made a commitment to myself, my family and God that I just don't do that on Sunday,

00:46:52.600 but I'm happy to help you on Saturday or Monday. What would work better for you?

00:46:58.580 And look, I know it's uncomfortable because that person needs your help on Sunday. Well,

00:47:03.740 that's their problem, not my problem. And I'm still being gracious by affording them the

00:47:07.940 opportunity to utilize my services on Saturday or Monday. So that's, that's the time situation.

00:47:13.660 the money situation is you come to me kip and you say hey ryan a thousand dollars i wouldn't blink

00:47:19.980 twice that i would i would i would give you that any day of the week at any time um if you came to

00:47:27.280 me and you said hey ryan i need five thousand dollars i'd be like cool go ahead and put together

00:47:31.880 a plan about how you're gonna repay me that five thousand dollars what you're gonna do when payments

00:47:37.900 are due what happens if you don't pay me back and how we move forward and once you get me that plan

00:47:42.940 you'll have five thousand dollars this evening that's a boundary i would have that boundary and

00:47:49.660 i would clearly identify what that boundary is so there's no guesswork and you know what happens

00:47:55.280 when you do that by the way 99 of people never come back to you with a plan and then they blame

00:48:00.700 you it's like i told you i do it you just got to get a plan to me 99 of people won't come with a

00:48:05.760 plan if they do that means they're a little bit more serious and then your skill set so we got

00:48:12.380 so we we address time we address money now your skills is just figure out what you're good at

00:48:17.660 and what you're not you know if somebody says hey will you come help me figure out this car

00:48:21.880 thing this weekend if you called me and said hey ryan will you help me fix my carburetor or

00:48:27.360 whatever i'd be like no i i mean i like i'll try to come help not my not my bag i don't know how

00:48:36.640 to fix a carburetor i don't know how to clean it i don't know how to pull it out i don't even know

00:48:39.520 what it looks like honestly so no i'm good now if you called me and you said hey ryan i'm setting

00:48:46.200 up a new podcast studio will you help me with the technology and setting it up and getting lighting

00:48:50.660 and camera hell yeah of course i'll do that that's in my skill set and so i think it's fair to me to

00:48:58.740 utilize my skill set and it's fair to you to tell you that's not in my purview you don't it's going

00:49:05.120 to be a waste of time for everybody. So it's just a matter of figuring out boundaries and still

00:49:09.420 being gracious with your resources, but figuring out the boundaries and your limitations and just

00:49:13.900 communicating them effectively. That's what I think. Yeah. Can I repeat something that you said,

00:49:21.780 Ryan, that I just think is really important because I think we fall into these pitfalls

00:49:25.340 a little bit when we serve others is that we might be dramatizing it, right? It's like,

00:49:31.480 oh, look at me. And then it's like, oh, I have these plans. Oh, Ryan asked for help. Here I am

00:49:37.740 again. Look at me. I'm sacrificing. I have no time for myself. And we, yeah. And we, and we build this

00:49:44.640 up. And so I think something that you said, Ryan, that I think is important for him to consider

00:49:49.500 is get clear that you're serving people because you want to, not because of some story that you

00:49:59.800 want to perpetuate that no one ever cares about you and you're going to do it and just watch no

00:50:04.940 one's there for me just assume no one's going to do that for you and and find those people in your

00:50:10.640 life right that you can band with but but be clear that this is service right and that's why you're

00:50:16.240 doing it and then i think that might help us have the right mindset where we're not having these

00:50:21.160 expectations of that i'm going to do this and then i'm going to use this as a story that no one ever

00:50:26.360 serves me kip i i love that man it's i actually had a conversation about this exact thing on our

00:50:35.840 team in the iron council like i'm on a team myself i had this exact conversation with my guys and

00:50:42.760 it's the it's the trap of martyrdom think about every good movie that any guy likes

00:50:50.660 A few that come to mind is Braveheart, Martyr, Gladiator, Martyr.

00:51:00.860 Like pick a movie that guys just don't, Lasting Oheakins, Martyr.

00:51:07.420 Pick a movie that you aren't the martyr. 1.00

00:51:13.700 We love that shit. 1.00

00:51:16.720 And it's good. 1.00

00:51:17.920 I think it is good.

00:51:18.840 It means that we value service above ourselves.

00:51:22.020 I think any healthy man would agree with that.

00:51:27.440 But not everything requires your death for it to be meaningful.

00:51:35.200 And a lot of stuff you're just using for virtue signaling.

00:51:39.700 Like you said, oh, look at me, look at me.

00:51:41.680 I was going to go fishing this weekend, but I couldn't go fishing because Kip asked me to move.

00:51:46.200 And then you're bent out of shape.

00:51:47.740 And then you know what you do?

00:51:48.580 even subconsciously you hold it against kip and then you talk about it for the next few months

00:51:54.860 you're like yeah i remember kip that time i came over bro i could have caught the biggest best and 0.99

00:51:59.300 i came and helped you now you just sound like an asshole and sounds like you're keeping score 0.99

00:52:03.940 and kip's going to be less likely to ask you for help in the future because you keep dangling it 0.99

00:52:09.300 over your head because you didn't just give you kept score it's different like if you're going to

00:52:15.800 do something and all do it and never bring it up again totally totally and all the areas that

00:52:24.120 you're giving up in life now you're just you're just a victim right running your entire life oh

00:52:30.000 i could have i should have but never no one ever did and guess what the reality of it is most people

00:52:36.200 are not going to see your you as a martyr you're the only one yeah we just don't care we just don't

00:52:42.800 care we're too busy with our own no one's gonna really no one really cares everyone's so busy

00:52:47.500 yeah yeah no one's going to give you the drama that you're looking for anyway in most cases so

00:52:52.420 it's kind of sad it gets wasted yeah for sure all right next one comes from jonah whitaker he says

00:53:00.100 yeah he says when we got married my wife and i shared the same faith uh over the past couple

00:53:08.320 of years, she's walked away from it and I'm still in. We're raising three kids and I don't know how

00:53:15.420 to lead spiritually at home without fighting all the time about it. How would you handle that?

00:53:27.040 That's tough because I think there's a few things. There's probably five or six things that would be

00:53:31.760 deal breakers in a relationship before getting into relationship. One would be faith. For me,

00:53:37.960 this is just for me one would be faith that'd be a deal breaker if i'm a christian and she's a 1.00

00:53:43.820 muslim no thanks uh happening no not i don't care how much i love her how hot she is no thank you 0.88

00:53:52.260 another is politics i will never ever be with a liberal woman i i and look i'm i'm not saying 0.97

00:53:59.300 there aren't intelligent liberal people or kind and decent liberal sure i would never ever be with 0.66

00:54:05.180 a liberal woman um the way we raise our children is one if she's over coddling or soft and 1.00

00:54:16.220 accommodating to all their little whims and all these kind of things nope not not in on that 0.81

00:54:22.760 uh you know there's probably a few others but you're already married bro so this is a different

00:54:30.300 story um i think this requires a lot of conversation without without accusation but curiosity

00:54:38.160 so it's like hey babe look we're we're on different faiths but in what ways do we agree

00:54:45.520 about spirituality and maybe she's like well you worship christ and i worship buddha okay

00:54:54.360 well in what ways are they similar like what principles do they share what principles do

00:55:00.960 do we agree upon that we can instill in our children that we both agree are valuable and

00:55:05.140 in what ways do they differ right or she might say well i don't believe in god at all and that

00:55:09.860 happens quite often like i don't i don't even believe in god it's like okay well what religion

00:55:14.380 do you follow they might be like what do you mean i don't follow religion no you you do it's just a

00:55:18.420 secular religion i heard a quote and i'm paraphrasing really really paraphrasing but

00:55:23.960 a gentleman was saying that everybody everybody um has a religion it's just a matter of what who

00:55:34.720 you follow and what you worship and so even atheists have a religion and typically it's

00:55:40.140 secular right it's it's it's the dogma of climate change or the dogma of um transgender issues or

00:55:47.540 you know fill in the blank with whatever it well with whatever social issues and it almost be

00:55:51.560 yeah social issue it becomes almost spiritual i mean you see this all the time when you see

00:55:55.640 people doing land acknowledgements you know these are people who don't believe in some sort of higher

00:56:00.680 power they're very secular in their beliefs but then they'll do a land acknowledgement as a

00:56:05.380 spiritual offering to who exactly right so i i think what i would do even if she said no i'm just

00:56:13.960 an atheist i think i'd say okay well what principles do you live by and i even i actually

00:56:19.160 believe i didn't believe this all the time but i believe even atheists are like well i i just want

00:56:23.600 to do right by people i want to be kind and decent um i think it's an exception when you find somebody

00:56:29.820 who's not like that even if they're not spiritual but i think even the most secular people still

00:56:35.700 have a faith that is rooted in being decent. So figure out what that is and find common ground

00:56:45.720 through curiosity, find differences through curiosity as opposed to accusation. And then

00:56:52.660 at that point, I would say, okay, great. Well, you know, here's 10 principles we agree on.

00:56:58.320 And here's five things we don't agree on. What I say is that we focus on these 10 things as we

00:57:05.360 teach our children. And then these five things, we talk about differences of opinion respectfully

00:57:10.860 without resorting to ad hominem attacks, straw man argument, accusation, criticizing the other

00:57:18.600 person, and just have a really open discussion about what these things are. And frankly, I'll

00:57:25.280 be really straightforward on this one. If she doesn't want to do that, I'm out. I'm out.

00:57:34.140 i and i i'm very very hesitant to say that but but again that's one of my rule like if she's

00:57:40.440 not on board with at least that there's the door we're done maybe that's harsh do you think that's

00:57:48.560 harsh kip or do you agree disagree what do you think well let me just yeah let me just say this

00:57:53.320 i mean i i've seen this i'm sure you've seen this most of those marriages don't work out

00:57:59.240 unfortunately not going to and i hate to bring that up because it's like super negative but why

00:58:05.140 don't they work out right and and i don't think they work out is because the religion that you 0.99

00:58:10.280 say you're part of anyway is it yours you wrote that you wrote that shit up oh god you're adopting 0.98

00:58:16.460 someone else's viewpoints and you've latched on to them for a sense of self-identity so what you 0.98

00:58:24.320 suggested, Ryan, I think is spot on, but let's get really clear. That's hard. Most people don't

00:58:30.140 even look at their own religion that way. Right. And so the level of self-awareness for a couple

00:58:37.140 to do this would be awesome. Right. You know, guess what your alignment is. Seekers of truth

00:58:43.540 is who you guys are and you're not going to fall into labels and you're going to be curious and

00:58:49.360 you're both committed to seeking truth and a higher version of yourselves and you're on different

00:58:58.460 paths, but you're on the same mission. But the minute that you're shallowed in your thought

00:59:04.740 process, and this is like right, wrong, tit for tat, and you're not even curious enough to

00:59:11.660 understand your own self and what you're doing, this is just going to be a disaster of argument.

00:59:17.860 so i completely agree with you i i think this is it's awesome and and maybe this is a catalyst

00:59:24.960 for you to rise up and just become way more spiritual because that's what's going to be

00:59:31.640 required of you for you to to make this work so you know what i mean this could be awesome

00:59:37.540 um but not easy uh certainly not easy but i i totally agree with you and by the way i do want

00:59:45.160 to throw one caveat like if you sit down with your wife and you say okay here's here's the 10

00:59:51.260 things that i would say are universal principles here's the five things that i'm open to exploring

00:59:55.160 whatever whatever and you have you know a two-hour conversation about it i'm not advocating for you

01:00:02.160 to say well nope you're gone i'm done like yeah i'm saying have some discussion like it's not

01:00:09.380 going to get resolved in a in a two-hour conversation but if if if it's over the course

01:00:15.780 of weeks and months and even years and it's nagging and it's bickering and it's contentious

01:00:24.300 and the kids are confused and you're confused over months and years that's what i'm saying

01:00:30.020 i just don't want to be flipping about it yeah yeah good call ryan i i can do one more call i

01:00:36.800 have to prep for my more for my 11 yeah okay all good let's do it um i'm gonna find the best one

01:00:45.780 here the best one the best one the those are good questions we have some really good and we'll save

01:00:55.560 the rest for next week so they'll come up okay um okay here's a good one oh this is a good one

01:01:02.240 So this is from Caleb Winters.

01:01:04.140 He says, my daughter just turned 16 and she started dating.

01:01:08.700 My instinct is to go to full protect mode, full protector mode.

01:01:13.460 But I remember how that backfired with my own dad.

01:01:17.400 How do you protect a daughter without pushing her away from you?

01:01:22.980 This is interesting because there's a couple of things that come to mind.

01:01:27.260 So one, I saw a post from John Lovell and I love John.

01:01:32.240 i think john has so many great things to say warrior poet society i'm a huge advocate

01:01:38.000 and i totally disagree with something he said on this one and he said something to the effect of

01:01:45.300 and i'm happy to have this discussion with john if i'm if i'm misrepresenting but he said something

01:01:50.740 to the effect of your daughter shouldn't date until they're ready to marry until they're the

01:01:55.100 age where they're ready to marry and i totally adamantly disagree with that your daughter now

01:02:03.660 six i think 16 is the appropriate age i i that's the age that my ex-wife and i have agreed on

01:02:09.880 for our daughter which is in about three years a little less than now counting the days

01:02:16.120 um she's already interested in boys of course uh they do friend groups and boys are around and

01:02:25.960 girls around but as far as like being on a date an official date with a boy no not until you're 16

01:02:31.620 there's not we're not doing it um but i think it's healthy for a young woman to go on dates

01:02:38.620 without the idea of i have to marry this person how is she ever gonna find out what she likes

01:02:44.920 what she doesn't like, what's respectful, what isn't respectful, the amount of time it takes 0.59

01:02:50.380 to actually court and vet somebody who could potentially become her lifelong partner or the

01:02:55.340 worst mistake she's ever made. And if you can do that in a semi-safe controlled environment under

01:03:02.420 your roof, isn't that a good thing? That's a great thing. You know, I would never, I would never

01:03:10.200 let my 10 year old go to a batting cage and hit a ball at 90 miles an hour or go face down a

01:03:19.100 professional uh mlb pitcher because why would i do that like how how is that going to serve them

01:03:26.720 now would i let them go in a batting cage with somebody who can throw 40 or 50 miles an hour

01:03:32.600 or the machine can throw yeah for sure of course i would do that because it's in a controlled

01:03:37.760 environment. I would never let my daughter go swim the Hawaiian channels from island to island 1.00

01:03:44.960 at 13 years old, but would I let her go into an Olympic-sized pool and test her capabilities for 0.98

01:03:52.680 swimming? Yeah, absolutely, I would do that. In fact, I wouldn't keep her out of the pool. 0.98

01:03:58.060 I'd throw her in and say, let's see how you do. So I think there's a balance here. So that's the

01:04:05.920 first thing that i would say is you know like yeah i think it's appropriate for her to date but i 0.87

01:04:10.560 also made another post about a guy who reached out to me one time and he said hey my daughter is

01:04:16.600 and i'm paraphrasing but my daughter's dating this a-hole and i don't know i don't know how to deal

01:04:22.400 with it i don't even like the guy i'm like well you better treat him as your son because one day

01:04:26.280 might become one so maybe teach him and there was a post that i saw on social media where a woman

01:04:32.220 had texted her dad and said hey dad will you help me walk through how to change a tire we're on the

01:04:37.440 highway and and the dad was like hey is you know steve there with you and she's like yeah steve's

01:04:42.080 here but he doesn't know how to change a tire and he wrote back and said dump steve and i'm like

01:04:47.880 really dude like dump him because he doesn't know how to change a tire you know if that's the worst

01:04:55.620 thing about steve i'd say maybe your daughter picked a pretty decent dude and there's an

01:05:02.700 opportunity for you to teach steve how to change a tire and so the point that i'm making is bring

01:05:10.900 the young man into your world when she's dating you know if you have rules about like hey you

01:05:19.100 you're gonna come pick her up and when you pick her up you're gonna come inside and you're gonna

01:05:24.160 speak to me as her father and you're going to tell me what your plans are. You're going to tell me

01:05:31.080 how you're going to treat her. You're going to tell me exactly where you're going. You're going

01:05:35.280 to tell me when you bring her home. And I'm not going to be cleaning my shotgun like some douche

01:05:39.400 bag or like try to intimidate you. That'll happen regardless. The kid's already intimidated, I

01:05:44.200 promise. But you're going to treat the young man with respect and you're going to demand that the

01:05:49.900 young man treats your daughter with respect and if he can't live up to a few little rules like that

01:05:55.500 she doesn't get to date him and neither does he but if you're reasonable about it and you explain

01:06:01.720 to your daughter about like hey bud like steve's coming over today and and that's great i'm really

01:06:06.860 excited for you here's the four things that steve needs to do he needs to come to the door when he

01:06:12.300 gets here he needs to call me mr mickler he needs to tell me what the plan is he needs to come sit

01:06:19.560 on the couch and talk with me. I will be respectful of him. I will not embarrass you.

01:06:25.700 I will not mistreat him. And everything will be good. And if we can do that, we're good.

01:06:34.200 Great. Have fun. But if we can't meet these expectations and you're not willing to agree

01:06:39.260 to my expectations, or I'm not willing to agree with yours, then we don't have a deal here. I'm

01:06:43.080 still in charge. I'm your dad. That's how I'd look at it. And that's how I will look at it.

01:06:46.660 yeah I know I love it I've always appreciated your response to these kind of questions and

01:06:53.720 and I'm going to quote Mr. Rogers here you know he he said he was quoted once in saying

01:07:00.200 that one of the greatest failures that we have as parents is forgetting what it was like to be a kid

01:07:07.200 so you know put yourself in this predicament you're 16 you want to date a guy

01:07:12.720 and your parents are like nope you can't do it so what are you going to do anyway

01:07:18.060 oh you're going to honor it you're going to all sudden you know what i mean it's like

01:07:23.320 come on think through this right remember what it was like to be 16 and and i love your advice on

01:07:29.820 on these scenarios of like embrace embrace the relationship that your that your daughter might

01:07:35.900 be having with this boy and treat him like your son. And, and you know, what's great about this

01:07:43.300 is this is how you have, this is how you continue to have influence with your daughter,

01:07:49.060 because guess what happens when that young man can't stand you? You think that that allows you

01:07:56.220 to be coachable with your daughter, or does that generate a riff in your ability to influence your

01:08:02.120 daughter. It absolutely is a riff. So if you have teenage kids doing things, you want to be able to

01:08:08.000 speak with them, speak into them, have a good relationship with them. Number two, have a good

01:08:13.140 relationship with all their friends. And that keeps you in, into the conversation and be able to

01:08:19.940 be there and have her underneath your roof and be able to provide counsel, not just through her,

01:08:25.300 but also through him. Well, I mean, I mean, absolutely. And there's so many little things

01:08:31.540 you can do a couple of things and i know you got to go but like what if this steve comes and i'm

01:08:35.960 just using steve as the example but steve comes over poor steve man steve's getting beat up here

01:08:39.920 today but um steve comes over and he knocks on your door and you open the door and he says hello

01:08:48.060 mr mickler i'm here to pick up your daughter i'm like good come on in and we sit down we're like

01:08:53.980 okay tell me you know all the things i just told you tell me your plans and he gives you satisfactory

01:08:58.380 answers and your daughters included you don't make them feel weird and then you start walking

01:09:01.580 out the door and you're like oh steve let me um let me do a couple things and he said get out your

01:09:06.600 phone here's my here's my personal cell phone put my cell phone number in your phone if you guys get

01:09:14.160 into a pickle if you get into a bind if you get pulled over if you get scared if you're in an

01:09:20.600 uncomfortable situation that's my phone number put that into your into your your phone right now

01:09:26.040 Okay. Number one, number two, I'm going to give you this $50 right here. I'm going to give you

01:09:31.340 $50 right now. Here's $50. This is used for emergencies. Again, if you, maybe your car

01:09:39.680 declines or you've run out of money or like whatever, like if there's a situation, here's

01:09:43.440 $50. I expect this $50 back unless there's one of those situations met, but here's $50. I want

01:09:49.620 to make sure you're in the position where you guys can have a good night together.

01:09:52.100 what like what's wrong with that like that's so health healthy and it shows that your daughter's

01:10:00.900 bro your daughter's gonna be like oh yeah dad actually cares about us and he cares about me

01:10:07.220 and he he wants steve to have a good time too yeah i do i want him to have a good time too

01:10:12.280 if he's a good kid and he met the criteria i want him to have a good time too

01:10:17.200 I want this date to go well within boundaries. And I think that's, I think everybody will respect

01:10:23.400 that. Yep. I'm still in that one, man. That's good one. That's absolutely gold.

01:10:31.820 All right, brother. Cool. Well, let's wrap it up today. I know you got to get going. I kept

01:10:34.640 you a little bit late. So let's, uh, let's, let's, uh, let's clock out here. Yeah. Yeah,

01:10:39.380 absolutely. As always gentlemen, if you're willing or you're, you're interested in learning

01:10:44.180 more about the iron council, go to the iron council.com to learn more. And as always connect

01:10:49.000 with Mr. Mickler on the socials at Ryan Mickler, both on X and Instagram. And then really the last

01:10:55.000 call to action is hop on YouTube. See that beautiful couch that, uh, Ryan's going to be

01:10:58.940 taking a nap in here pretty soon, sir. And those origin, I'm falling asleep, man.

01:11:05.780 It looks good. The other thing I thought about, like when I was sitting here, I'm like, Oh,

01:11:09.120 the camera angle. I'm like, I should probably put some pants on today. Cause I think the camera

01:11:12.740 angles a little different than normally is. So yeah, don't worry. He has pants on so you guys

01:11:18.100 can visit. I do have pants. And if you're curious, you can go check it out. I'm trying not to give

01:11:22.300 you a crotch shot, but, uh, you know, doing the best we can here. That's why I put the boots here

01:11:25.660 to block the boot is perfectly positioned. Yeah. I'm no dummy. I'm no dummy. I believe it or not.

01:11:34.120 I actually do have some intentionality behind what I do. All right, guys. Great. Uh, great

01:11:37.960 questions. Keep them coming. We've got five or six more that we'll address next week along with any

01:11:42.440 other questions that you have if you want to drop your questions hit me up on the gram hit me up on

01:11:46.960 our in our facebook group uh you know where to find us kip i appreciate you man i gotta let you

01:11:51.740 go uh we'll be back on friday we're gonna talk about the virtue of intolerance on friday so

01:11:57.680 it's gonna be a good one and uh we'll do it then until then go out there take action and become

01:12:03.100 the man you are meant to be thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're

01:12:08.800 ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to

01:12:13.340 join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 30, 2026

Daughters Who are Dating, Betrayed in Business, and Divided Faith at Home ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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