Order of Man - Effort Without Expectation

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.100 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.680 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Bickler.

00:00:27.720 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome

00:00:31.980 back. I'm just getting back from being gone for about a week and a half. I was hunting with some

00:00:36.780 good friends of mine in Minnesota and was successful. I had three tags. Unfortunately,

00:00:42.140 I wasn't able to fill all three. I can only fill two. So my buck is out there in Minnesota, still

00:00:48.960 wandering around waiting for me next year, hopefully. But I did have a couple of buddies

00:00:54.520 get their tags filled. So all in all, it was a successful hunt. And I am glad to be back into

00:01:01.020 and behind the microphone so I can share these podcasts with you because I do enjoy doing it.

00:01:05.200 Obviously, we've been going strong for seven years now and I don't have any plans of quitting or

00:01:11.200 stopping anytime soon. So I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk with you guys today about the

00:01:17.220 reason that it's so important that we put forth effort towards our objectives while we minimize

00:01:23.800 the expectation that we have of achieving that objective. And that might sound a little

00:01:29.140 counterintuitive. So I'll explain in a minute. Before I do want to mention that I've got my new

00:01:34.080 book, The Masculinity Manifesto that is out and available. If you have picked up a copy of the book

00:01:39.880 for yourself or somebody else, I want to say thank you for doing that. That means a lot to me.

00:01:44.100 The support is crucial and I am grateful for you. If you would, please leave a rating or a review

00:01:51.800 on Amazon or wherever you got your book. And that helps boost up the visibility and get this book

00:01:57.940 into more people's hands. So it's called The Masculinity Manifesto. If you haven't picked up

00:02:02.180 a copy yet, please do wherever you get your books. We have the hardcover, we have the electronic copy or

00:02:07.460 version, and we have the audio version. Again, The Masculinity Manifesto. All right, guys,

00:02:12.880 let's talk about effort without expectation. I took some notes here that I wanted to

00:02:17.280 make sure that I address. So first I want to explain why it's so important that we put forth

00:02:23.860 effort without this expectation thing getting in the way. And then I'm going to help you to

00:02:29.840 understand the best way to put forth effort without having those expectations in place.

00:02:36.880 So let's talk about why we need to do this in the first place. Well, the reason is,

00:02:41.660 is because false expectations tend to hinder results. So if you're placing a bunch of expectations

00:02:48.840 around what you're going to achieve by doing a thing, it's less likely that you're going to do it

00:02:54.800 for any sustainable period of time. You're probably going to throw in the towel. Then I'll tell you why.

00:02:59.140 There's three main reasons. You could probably think of more, but number one is that there are

00:03:04.760 unforeseen events in life, right? We just don't know what's going to happen. We saw this whole thing,

00:03:10.840 this whole reaction to COVID. Nobody would have guessed that. And how many businesses went under,

00:03:16.260 how many businesses have not recovered, how many businesses went out of business

00:03:19.620 because of a response, a reaction to COVID that they had zero control over.

00:03:25.040 There's all sorts of external variables at play that we just never really know what's going to

00:03:34.440 happen. A lot of ways, it's completely out of our hands. And so if we're doing things,

00:03:40.460 whether it's trying to build relationships or grow a business or lose weight, there's all sorts of

00:03:50.060 things that could inevitably derail you that you have no idea exist, that you have no idea are out

00:03:56.640 there, that you have no idea that are looming, and it might come across and completely derail you.

00:04:01.460 And if you knew that it was going to do that, well, you could do something about it, or maybe you would

00:04:05.860 even throw in the towel to begin with. But the reason that we put forth effort is because it's the

00:04:10.660 right thing to do. And even though we may not achieve our ultimate objective or desire,

00:04:14.580 if we're doing the right thing, our life is going to improve and our life is going to get better.

00:04:20.640 So again, false expectations, they're going to hinder achievement because number one,

00:04:25.320 there's unforeseen events that happen and take place that you're just never going to be prepared

00:04:29.140 for. Number two is other people have a say in the matter. So if you're doing something to win

00:04:39.040 people over, well, what if you don't win them over? If you're doing something just to gain the

00:04:45.740 approval or accolades or notoriety from other people, what if they never give you that validation?

00:04:52.640 Are you going to throw in the towel? Well, if your motive was to get validity to what you're doing,

00:04:58.180 to get acknowledgement, to get praise from other people when they don't give that to you,

00:05:04.280 and that happens quite often when they don't give you what you want, then you end up throwing in the

00:05:09.860 towel. So having the expectation of hoping that other people will give you what you desire and

00:05:14.800 what you want is going to lead to inferior results. And then number three is that a lot of the times

00:05:21.860 we just have faulty timelines. We just don't know. We overestimate our abilities. We underestimate

00:05:30.500 how long it will take. We think it's going to take two months and it might take six months or 12

00:05:37.000 months or five years. And if we have a faulty timeline about the things that we want to achieve,

00:05:43.620 the relationships that we want to build, the businesses that we want to grow, the body that

00:05:47.140 we want to develop, the skillset that we want to build in our lives. If we have a faulty timeline,

00:05:53.920 what happens? Well, we quit, right? If you thought it was going to take six months to build the body

00:05:58.620 that you want and you're realizing, I can't do it in six months. And now it's looking like it's

00:06:02.560 going to take 10 months or a year or two years. Man, if you've built it on this faulty timeline,

00:06:08.360 you're going to throw in the towel before you even give yourself a chance to succeed.

00:06:14.540 So we got to eliminate the expectation. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't at least consider what

00:06:20.460 our actions you're going to lead to because they're going to lead to positive results if you're

00:06:25.840 doing positive things. And we ought to do goals. We ought to set objectives. We ought to think about

00:06:31.040 what it is that we want to accomplish. But at the end of the day, once we've worked backwards into

00:06:36.000 the things that we needed to be doing on a daily basis, then we should just do those forever.

00:06:42.220 That should become our new way of life. And yes, priorities change, external circumstances change,

00:06:48.460 life changes, but doing the right thing is always going to be the right thing. If their principled

00:06:53.340 approach to life, like working out, developing relationships, building skills, learning new

00:06:59.180 information, calling customers and clients, if you're trying to grow your business, learning how

00:07:03.840 to market, all of these things are always going to serve you and it becomes your way of life.

00:07:09.140 So now that we've understood at least to some degree, why false expectations hinder your achievement.

00:07:14.140 Again, it's because of unforeseen events that are going to take place.

00:07:17.320 Um, other people have a say in the matter and our faulty timelines. Let's talk about four things

00:07:25.120 that you can do to ensure that you keep yourself in the game. And that's the most important thing

00:07:31.560 because a lot of times men quit on whatever it is they want to do before they experienced the result.

00:07:37.600 And if they would have just stuck with it just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer,

00:07:41.940 they would have achieved what they wanted to. So you have to keep yourself in the game and you

00:07:46.140 have to find ways to do it. Number one, lengthen out the timeline for the things that you want to

00:07:52.400 achieve. Okay. You have to lengthen out how long it's going to take. If you think, well, you know,

00:08:00.180 I'm going to build, uh, my six pack abs in the next three months. Is it possible? Maybe depending

00:08:06.360 on where your, your level of fitness is, but what if instead of saying, Hey, I'm going to build six,

00:08:12.100 six, uh, six pack abs in three months is that you just thought to yourself, well, I'm going to build

00:08:17.420 and maintain and keep myself under 10% body fat. And that was your goal and objective forever.

00:08:24.940 Not just for the beach, not just for the photo shoot, but forever. Hey, I'm going to do whatever

00:08:30.480 I can to win this woman, this girl that I have my, my eyes set on and my heart set on. Well,

00:08:37.620 what if instead of that, you thought to yourself, well, I'm going to do what I need to do to be the

00:08:41.760 kind of man that attracts the kind of women that I want and know that it's going to take place over

00:08:46.180 a long and sustained period of time. And even when I find that one, I'm not going to stop doing what I

00:08:52.020 was doing to begin with. It's a lifelong pursuit. So take the timeline from 90 days and start stretching

00:08:59.240 it out or 30 days and stretch it out even longer. Now I know that's a bit ironic because I've talked a

00:09:05.500 lot about planning in 90 day segments, but where it's different is that I tell you to always start

00:09:10.960 with a vision, a vision for the long-term type of man that you want to be. How does this man show up

00:09:17.660 for himself? How does he show up for his wife? How does he show up for his kids? How does he show up

00:09:21.920 in business? How does he show up for his friends and other people? Those who are less fortunate.

00:09:25.780 How does he show up? And that's a long-term perspective. And then we work in 90 day segments

00:09:31.320 to move ourselves closer to the ideal version of ourselves. That's the difference.

00:09:37.220 So number one, again, lengthen out the timeline for achievement. And not only that, it'll give you

00:09:42.360 an opportunity to achieve because again, we underestimate how long it's going to take

00:09:46.740 all the time we do this. And we overestimate our abilities and we forget about some of these

00:09:51.680 unforeseen external circumstances as well. Number two, shift your mindset from celebrating the

00:09:58.860 achievement of that thing to the effort of that thing, the activity. So if you're thinking

00:10:04.820 to yourself, well, you know, I'd really like to lose 30 pounds. Don't wait to celebrate till you

00:10:09.360 lose 30 pounds. Celebrate today the fact that you got up early and you went into the gym and you worked

00:10:15.580 out. That's what you should be celebrating. And then tomorrow you do the same thing. And tomorrow

00:10:20.660 you do the same thing. And tomorrow you do the same thing. And so now you're actually focused

00:10:24.480 on activity versus the result. If you're focused on the activity and you call that the win,

00:10:30.740 we can just chalk up the result because it's going to happen. It's just a matter of time.

00:10:36.120 In fact, I've got a friend of mine who says that when he has a goal that he wants to obtain,

00:10:42.320 he says it's already done. It's already written in stone. It just hasn't manifested itself yet.

00:10:49.460 And that's the attitude that we need to have. It's already done that I'm going to lose 30 pounds.

00:10:54.560 It's already done that I'm going to grow this business. It's already done that I'm going to

00:10:57.720 fill in the blank with whatever you want. I just have to do the activity now to make that a reality.

00:11:02.760 And I have to do it consistently every day, forever. Again, lengthening out that timeline.

00:11:08.580 Number three, go ahead and take a look at the past. I know this is a counter to what a lot of

00:11:15.220 self-help people will say, but they'll say, you know, you don't, you don't need to dwell or look on

00:11:19.300 the past. And that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, go ahead and look backwards from time to time.

00:11:23.340 And take notice of how far you've come because when you're doing the grinding monotonous work

00:11:29.240 of building relationship or building a business or building your body, it takes time. And a lot

00:11:35.700 of the times we don't even see the progress because it's so small. It's so small that we just can't see

00:11:45.140 it. But when we stack it day after day, after day, after day, we may not even realize how far we've

00:11:51.180 come. But if you just take a glance backwards real quick, real quick, just take a peek, man,

00:11:57.800 you can see how much distance you traveled. Now, why is that important? Because it gives you some

00:12:02.200 motivation. It gives you some inspiration. It gives you some fuel to keep going. Hey, look how

00:12:06.840 far I've come in the last three months. Look how far I've gone in the last year. If I can do that in

00:12:12.200 a year, man, what can I do in two years? And it might just be a little bit more fuel or motivation

00:12:17.020 and inspiration to keep you in the game for the longest term possible. A lot of times people will

00:12:22.520 reach out to me and say, Hey, I'm going to start a podcast. What advice do you have? And you're good at

00:12:26.760 podcasting and you've been successful and you've had so many people on. And I love the praise. I got

00:12:31.980 to admit, it feels really good to know that people are inspired by what we're doing here. And a lot of

00:12:36.880 the times these people are asking me for advice. And my single biggest piece of advice is to stay

00:12:41.140 consistent. Just stay in it. If you can stay in it, you're going to learn about the technology.

00:12:47.200 You're going to eventually make some money. You're going to be able to invest in new equipment.

00:12:50.600 That's going to improve the quality of a podcast. You're going to get yourself more known.

00:12:55.340 You're going to ask a bunch of people. You're going to get referrals and connections to other

00:12:58.700 people you want to have on the podcast. So the quality of men or people that are joining your

00:13:02.880 podcast are going to improve. That just comes with time, time and deliberate, intentional action.

00:13:09.660 But go ahead and take a look back every once in a while and say, man, you know,

00:13:12.400 I'm pretty proud of myself. I have come a very long way and you should. Don't dwell on it.

00:13:17.240 Don't dwell on the mistakes and don't dwell on it. Just look back from time to time and realize

00:13:21.280 how far you've come. And the fourth component here, guys, and so many people,

00:13:25.340 overlook this and so many people even mock this, but you've got to hire coaches and mentors

00:13:30.980 because they're going to help you have a realistic expectation of what it's going to take.

00:13:36.560 Again, this goes back to the reasons why we need to put forth effort without expectations.

00:13:41.560 Cause a lot of the times we just miss the mark. Our expectations are so far off the mark.

00:13:46.500 I've got a trainer, Johnny Loretty. And I asked him, I said, Hey, I want to build muscle here. Here's how

00:13:51.520 much I, or I didn't even tell him how much I said, what's reasonable over the next 90 days,

00:13:56.520 because I don't know. I don't, he does, this is his profession. This is what he does for work.

00:14:02.380 So he knows, but I don't. So we have to hire mentors and coaches, not only to give us a realistic

00:14:08.500 expectation of what it takes, but to keep us in the game. When we want to quit, when we're not

00:14:13.820 experiencing the results as fast as we'd like, we're not seeing what we want to see.

00:14:18.100 Hire business coaches, hire fitness coaches, hire instructors and trainers and courses

00:14:23.040 and go to conferences and, and, and listen to people speak and invest time on YouTube,

00:14:28.940 not dinking around, but looking at speeches that are inspiring you and teaching you new things and

00:14:34.020 motivating you because those are the people who are going to have a realistic expectation

00:14:39.280 and a realistic timeline of what it's going to take to help you be a success.

00:14:43.240 I know it's hard to put forth effort when you're not seeing the fruits of that. And that is life.

00:14:54.640 That is life. It's at least it's been my life. You know, when the disparity between where you want

00:15:01.120 to go and, and where you are right now is, is large, you can start to see those results pretty quickly,

00:15:07.360 but we have something called the law of diminishing returns. And over time, as you begin to bridge the

00:15:12.760 gap between where you want to be and where you currently are, you begin to, to narrow that gap.

00:15:18.440 The results don't come as quickly or they're not as large. So they're not as noticeable.

00:15:23.520 And so that becomes a challenge, right? If you're 50 or a hundred pounds overweight,

00:15:28.880 you can lose a lot of weight today, but if you're five or seven or eight pounds overweight,

00:15:33.160 that's going to take you a little bit more time. So keep yourself in the game,

00:15:37.900 keep yourself in the game forever. Indefinitely, regardless of what's happening around you.

00:15:44.300 One of my favorite quotes is the real man gains renown by standing between himself

00:15:47.600 and his family, absorbing the blows of fate with equanimity. When I found that quote,

00:15:53.840 I had to look up and ask what equanimity was, but it's calmness, it's clarity, it's focus,

00:15:58.800 it's control. And that's what we need with our efforts. If our efforts are dictated by the

00:16:06.720 expectation or the result, then we're going to be all over the place because there's so much beyond

00:16:12.320 our control. But if you just figure out what the right thing to do is in any circumstance,

00:16:18.320 and we all know for the most part, what is right. And if we just do that without any expectation

00:16:24.800 of anything in return, then your life will inevitably get better. It'll take time.

00:16:31.980 There'll be ups and downs, but you as a man exhibit some equanimity, calmness, clarity, focus,

00:16:40.400 control, regardless of what's happening around you. All right, guys, I hope that helps. Again,

00:16:47.640 lengthen out the timeline, celebrate activity, not necessarily achievement. Look to the past,

00:16:53.920 don't dwell on it. And number four, hire coaches, mentors, courses, invest in yourself.

00:16:58.880 All right. I hope that helps. Let me know if there's other ideas and concepts and things that

00:17:01.660 you want to add to this or things that you'd like me to cover on future episodes. Hit me up on

00:17:06.260 Instagram is where I'm most active at Ryan Mickler and shoot me a message. I'm pretty quick and good to

00:17:13.640 respond over there and let's keep getting after it. All right, guys, we'll be back next week for an

00:17:19.440 interview. But until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:17:24.280 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be

00:17:29.280 more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - November 04, 2022

Effort Without Expectation ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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