Order of Man - November 04, 2022


Effort Without Expectation ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

17 minutes

Words per minute

192.70389

Word count

3,386

Sentence count

212


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Ryan talks about why it's so important to put forth effort toward your goals while minimizing the expectations you have of achieving them. He also talks about the dangers of false expectations and how to overcome them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge
00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.100 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.680 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Bickler.
00:00:27.720 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome
00:00:31.980 back. I'm just getting back from being gone for about a week and a half. I was hunting with some
00:00:36.780 good friends of mine in Minnesota and was successful. I had three tags. Unfortunately,
00:00:42.140 I wasn't able to fill all three. I can only fill two. So my buck is out there in Minnesota, still
00:00:48.960 wandering around waiting for me next year, hopefully. But I did have a couple of buddies
00:00:54.520 get their tags filled. So all in all, it was a successful hunt. And I am glad to be back into
00:01:01.020 and behind the microphone so I can share these podcasts with you because I do enjoy doing it.
00:01:05.200 Obviously, we've been going strong for seven years now and I don't have any plans of quitting or
00:01:11.200 stopping anytime soon. So I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk with you guys today about the
00:01:17.220 reason that it's so important that we put forth effort towards our objectives while we minimize
00:01:23.800 the expectation that we have of achieving that objective. And that might sound a little
00:01:29.140 counterintuitive. So I'll explain in a minute. Before I do want to mention that I've got my new
00:01:34.080 book, The Masculinity Manifesto that is out and available. If you have picked up a copy of the book
00:01:39.880 for yourself or somebody else, I want to say thank you for doing that. That means a lot to me.
00:01:44.100 The support is crucial and I am grateful for you. If you would, please leave a rating or a review
00:01:51.800 on Amazon or wherever you got your book. And that helps boost up the visibility and get this book
00:01:57.940 into more people's hands. So it's called The Masculinity Manifesto. If you haven't picked up
00:02:02.180 a copy yet, please do wherever you get your books. We have the hardcover, we have the electronic copy or
00:02:07.460 version, and we have the audio version. Again, The Masculinity Manifesto. All right, guys,
00:02:12.880 let's talk about effort without expectation. I took some notes here that I wanted to
00:02:17.280 make sure that I address. So first I want to explain why it's so important that we put forth
00:02:23.860 effort without this expectation thing getting in the way. And then I'm going to help you to
00:02:29.840 understand the best way to put forth effort without having those expectations in place.
00:02:36.880 So let's talk about why we need to do this in the first place. Well, the reason is,
00:02:41.660 is because false expectations tend to hinder results. So if you're placing a bunch of expectations
00:02:48.840 around what you're going to achieve by doing a thing, it's less likely that you're going to do it
00:02:54.800 for any sustainable period of time. You're probably going to throw in the towel. Then I'll tell you why.
00:02:59.140 There's three main reasons. You could probably think of more, but number one is that there are
00:03:04.760 unforeseen events in life, right? We just don't know what's going to happen. We saw this whole thing,
00:03:10.840 this whole reaction to COVID. Nobody would have guessed that. And how many businesses went under,
00:03:16.260 how many businesses have not recovered, how many businesses went out of business
00:03:19.620 because of a response, a reaction to COVID that they had zero control over.
00:03:25.040 There's all sorts of external variables at play that we just never really know what's going to
00:03:34.440 happen. A lot of ways, it's completely out of our hands. And so if we're doing things,
00:03:40.460 whether it's trying to build relationships or grow a business or lose weight, there's all sorts of
00:03:50.060 things that could inevitably derail you that you have no idea exist, that you have no idea are out
00:03:56.640 there, that you have no idea that are looming, and it might come across and completely derail you.
00:04:01.460 And if you knew that it was going to do that, well, you could do something about it, or maybe you would
00:04:05.860 even throw in the towel to begin with. But the reason that we put forth effort is because it's the
00:04:10.660 right thing to do. And even though we may not achieve our ultimate objective or desire,
00:04:14.580 if we're doing the right thing, our life is going to improve and our life is going to get better.
00:04:20.640 So again, false expectations, they're going to hinder achievement because number one,
00:04:25.320 there's unforeseen events that happen and take place that you're just never going to be prepared
00:04:29.140 for. Number two is other people have a say in the matter. So if you're doing something to win
00:04:39.040 people over, well, what if you don't win them over? If you're doing something just to gain the
00:04:45.740 approval or accolades or notoriety from other people, what if they never give you that validation?
00:04:52.640 Are you going to throw in the towel? Well, if your motive was to get validity to what you're doing,
00:04:58.180 to get acknowledgement, to get praise from other people when they don't give that to you,
00:05:04.280 and that happens quite often when they don't give you what you want, then you end up throwing in the
00:05:09.860 towel. So having the expectation of hoping that other people will give you what you desire and
00:05:14.800 what you want is going to lead to inferior results. And then number three is that a lot of the times
00:05:21.860 we just have faulty timelines. We just don't know. We overestimate our abilities. We underestimate
00:05:30.500 how long it will take. We think it's going to take two months and it might take six months or 12
00:05:37.000 months or five years. And if we have a faulty timeline about the things that we want to achieve,
00:05:43.620 the relationships that we want to build, the businesses that we want to grow, the body that
00:05:47.140 we want to develop, the skillset that we want to build in our lives. If we have a faulty timeline,
00:05:53.920 what happens? Well, we quit, right? If you thought it was going to take six months to build the body
00:05:58.620 that you want and you're realizing, I can't do it in six months. And now it's looking like it's
00:06:02.560 going to take 10 months or a year or two years. Man, if you've built it on this faulty timeline,
00:06:08.360 you're going to throw in the towel before you even give yourself a chance to succeed.
00:06:14.540 So we got to eliminate the expectation. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't at least consider what
00:06:20.460 our actions you're going to lead to because they're going to lead to positive results if you're
00:06:25.840 doing positive things. And we ought to do goals. We ought to set objectives. We ought to think about
00:06:31.040 what it is that we want to accomplish. But at the end of the day, once we've worked backwards into
00:06:36.000 the things that we needed to be doing on a daily basis, then we should just do those forever.
00:06:42.220 That should become our new way of life. And yes, priorities change, external circumstances change,
00:06:48.460 life changes, but doing the right thing is always going to be the right thing. If their principled
00:06:53.340 approach to life, like working out, developing relationships, building skills, learning new
00:06:59.180 information, calling customers and clients, if you're trying to grow your business, learning how
00:07:03.840 to market, all of these things are always going to serve you and it becomes your way of life.
00:07:09.140 So now that we've understood at least to some degree, why false expectations hinder your achievement.
00:07:14.140 Again, it's because of unforeseen events that are going to take place.
00:07:17.320 Um, other people have a say in the matter and our faulty timelines. Let's talk about four things
00:07:25.120 that you can do to ensure that you keep yourself in the game. And that's the most important thing
00:07:31.560 because a lot of times men quit on whatever it is they want to do before they experienced the result.
00:07:37.600 And if they would have just stuck with it just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer,
00:07:41.940 they would have achieved what they wanted to. So you have to keep yourself in the game and you
00:07:46.140 have to find ways to do it. Number one, lengthen out the timeline for the things that you want to
00:07:52.400 achieve. Okay. You have to lengthen out how long it's going to take. If you think, well, you know,
00:08:00.180 I'm going to build, uh, my six pack abs in the next three months. Is it possible? Maybe depending
00:08:06.360 on where your, your level of fitness is, but what if instead of saying, Hey, I'm going to build six,
00:08:12.100 six, uh, six pack abs in three months is that you just thought to yourself, well, I'm going to build
00:08:17.420 and maintain and keep myself under 10% body fat. And that was your goal and objective forever.
00:08:24.940 Not just for the beach, not just for the photo shoot, but forever. Hey, I'm going to do whatever
00:08:30.480 I can to win this woman, this girl that I have my, my eyes set on and my heart set on. Well,
00:08:37.620 what if instead of that, you thought to yourself, well, I'm going to do what I need to do to be the
00:08:41.760 kind of man that attracts the kind of women that I want and know that it's going to take place over
00:08:46.180 a long and sustained period of time. And even when I find that one, I'm not going to stop doing what I
00:08:52.020 was doing to begin with. It's a lifelong pursuit. So take the timeline from 90 days and start stretching
00:08:59.240 it out or 30 days and stretch it out even longer. Now I know that's a bit ironic because I've talked a
00:09:05.500 lot about planning in 90 day segments, but where it's different is that I tell you to always start
00:09:10.960 with a vision, a vision for the long-term type of man that you want to be. How does this man show up
00:09:17.660 for himself? How does he show up for his wife? How does he show up for his kids? How does he show up
00:09:21.920 in business? How does he show up for his friends and other people? Those who are less fortunate.
00:09:25.780 How does he show up? And that's a long-term perspective. And then we work in 90 day segments
00:09:31.320 to move ourselves closer to the ideal version of ourselves. That's the difference.
00:09:37.220 So number one, again, lengthen out the timeline for achievement. And not only that, it'll give you
00:09:42.360 an opportunity to achieve because again, we underestimate how long it's going to take
00:09:46.740 all the time we do this. And we overestimate our abilities and we forget about some of these
00:09:51.680 unforeseen external circumstances as well. Number two, shift your mindset from celebrating the
00:09:58.860 achievement of that thing to the effort of that thing, the activity. So if you're thinking
00:10:04.820 to yourself, well, you know, I'd really like to lose 30 pounds. Don't wait to celebrate till you
00:10:09.360 lose 30 pounds. Celebrate today the fact that you got up early and you went into the gym and you worked
00:10:15.580 out. That's what you should be celebrating. And then tomorrow you do the same thing. And tomorrow
00:10:20.660 you do the same thing. And tomorrow you do the same thing. And so now you're actually focused
00:10:24.480 on activity versus the result. If you're focused on the activity and you call that the win,
00:10:30.740 we can just chalk up the result because it's going to happen. It's just a matter of time.
00:10:36.120 In fact, I've got a friend of mine who says that when he has a goal that he wants to obtain,
00:10:42.320 he says it's already done. It's already written in stone. It just hasn't manifested itself yet.
00:10:49.460 And that's the attitude that we need to have. It's already done that I'm going to lose 30 pounds.
00:10:54.560 It's already done that I'm going to grow this business. It's already done that I'm going to
00:10:57.720 fill in the blank with whatever you want. I just have to do the activity now to make that a reality.
00:11:02.760 And I have to do it consistently every day, forever. Again, lengthening out that timeline.
00:11:08.580 Number three, go ahead and take a look at the past. I know this is a counter to what a lot of
00:11:15.220 self-help people will say, but they'll say, you know, you don't, you don't need to dwell or look on
00:11:19.300 the past. And that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, go ahead and look backwards from time to time.
00:11:23.340 And take notice of how far you've come because when you're doing the grinding monotonous work
00:11:29.240 of building relationship or building a business or building your body, it takes time. And a lot
00:11:35.700 of the times we don't even see the progress because it's so small. It's so small that we just can't see
00:11:45.140 it. But when we stack it day after day, after day, after day, we may not even realize how far we've
00:11:51.180 come. But if you just take a glance backwards real quick, real quick, just take a peek, man,
00:11:57.800 you can see how much distance you traveled. Now, why is that important? Because it gives you some
00:12:02.200 motivation. It gives you some inspiration. It gives you some fuel to keep going. Hey, look how
00:12:06.840 far I've come in the last three months. Look how far I've gone in the last year. If I can do that in
00:12:12.200 a year, man, what can I do in two years? And it might just be a little bit more fuel or motivation
00:12:17.020 and inspiration to keep you in the game for the longest term possible. A lot of times people will
00:12:22.520 reach out to me and say, Hey, I'm going to start a podcast. What advice do you have? And you're good at
00:12:26.760 podcasting and you've been successful and you've had so many people on. And I love the praise. I got
00:12:31.980 to admit, it feels really good to know that people are inspired by what we're doing here. And a lot of
00:12:36.880 the times these people are asking me for advice. And my single biggest piece of advice is to stay
00:12:41.140 consistent. Just stay in it. If you can stay in it, you're going to learn about the technology.
00:12:47.200 You're going to eventually make some money. You're going to be able to invest in new equipment.
00:12:50.600 That's going to improve the quality of a podcast. You're going to get yourself more known.
00:12:55.340 You're going to ask a bunch of people. You're going to get referrals and connections to other
00:12:58.700 people you want to have on the podcast. So the quality of men or people that are joining your
00:13:02.880 podcast are going to improve. That just comes with time, time and deliberate, intentional action.
00:13:09.660 But go ahead and take a look back every once in a while and say, man, you know,
00:13:12.400 I'm pretty proud of myself. I have come a very long way and you should. Don't dwell on it.
00:13:17.240 Don't dwell on the mistakes and don't dwell on it. Just look back from time to time and realize
00:13:21.280 how far you've come. And the fourth component here, guys, and so many people,
00:13:25.340 overlook this and so many people even mock this, but you've got to hire coaches and mentors
00:13:30.980 because they're going to help you have a realistic expectation of what it's going to take.
00:13:36.560 Again, this goes back to the reasons why we need to put forth effort without expectations.
00:13:41.560 Cause a lot of the times we just miss the mark. Our expectations are so far off the mark.
00:13:46.500 I've got a trainer, Johnny Loretty. And I asked him, I said, Hey, I want to build muscle here. Here's how
00:13:51.520 much I, or I didn't even tell him how much I said, what's reasonable over the next 90 days,
00:13:56.520 because I don't know. I don't, he does, this is his profession. This is what he does for work.
00:14:02.380 So he knows, but I don't. So we have to hire mentors and coaches, not only to give us a realistic
00:14:08.500 expectation of what it takes, but to keep us in the game. When we want to quit, when we're not
00:14:13.820 experiencing the results as fast as we'd like, we're not seeing what we want to see.
00:14:18.100 Hire business coaches, hire fitness coaches, hire instructors and trainers and courses
00:14:23.040 and go to conferences and, and, and listen to people speak and invest time on YouTube,
00:14:28.940 not dinking around, but looking at speeches that are inspiring you and teaching you new things and
00:14:34.020 motivating you because those are the people who are going to have a realistic expectation
00:14:39.280 and a realistic timeline of what it's going to take to help you be a success.
00:14:43.240 I know it's hard to put forth effort when you're not seeing the fruits of that. And that is life.
00:14:54.640 That is life. It's at least it's been my life. You know, when the disparity between where you want
00:15:01.120 to go and, and where you are right now is, is large, you can start to see those results pretty quickly,
00:15:07.360 but we have something called the law of diminishing returns. And over time, as you begin to bridge the
00:15:12.760 gap between where you want to be and where you currently are, you begin to, to narrow that gap.
00:15:18.440 The results don't come as quickly or they're not as large. So they're not as noticeable.
00:15:23.520 And so that becomes a challenge, right? If you're 50 or a hundred pounds overweight,
00:15:28.880 you can lose a lot of weight today, but if you're five or seven or eight pounds overweight,
00:15:33.160 that's going to take you a little bit more time. So keep yourself in the game,
00:15:37.900 keep yourself in the game forever. Indefinitely, regardless of what's happening around you.
00:15:44.300 One of my favorite quotes is the real man gains renown by standing between himself
00:15:47.600 and his family, absorbing the blows of fate with equanimity. When I found that quote,
00:15:53.840 I had to look up and ask what equanimity was, but it's calmness, it's clarity, it's focus,
00:15:58.800 it's control. And that's what we need with our efforts. If our efforts are dictated by the
00:16:06.720 expectation or the result, then we're going to be all over the place because there's so much beyond
00:16:12.320 our control. But if you just figure out what the right thing to do is in any circumstance,
00:16:18.320 and we all know for the most part, what is right. And if we just do that without any expectation
00:16:24.800 of anything in return, then your life will inevitably get better. It'll take time.
00:16:31.980 There'll be ups and downs, but you as a man exhibit some equanimity, calmness, clarity, focus,
00:16:40.400 control, regardless of what's happening around you. All right, guys, I hope that helps. Again,
00:16:47.640 lengthen out the timeline, celebrate activity, not necessarily achievement. Look to the past,
00:16:53.920 don't dwell on it. And number four, hire coaches, mentors, courses, invest in yourself.
00:16:58.880 All right. I hope that helps. Let me know if there's other ideas and concepts and things that
00:17:01.660 you want to add to this or things that you'd like me to cover on future episodes. Hit me up on
00:17:06.260 Instagram is where I'm most active at Ryan Mickler and shoot me a message. I'm pretty quick and good to
00:17:13.640 respond over there and let's keep getting after it. All right, guys, we'll be back next week for an
00:17:19.440 interview. But until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
00:17:24.280 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be
00:17:29.280 more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.