Order of Man - Protecting Without Steamrolling, Envy of Success, and Becoming a Grandfather ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 Where I start to believe that it crosses the line, and I have, is exactly to your point,

00:00:06.820 where you start to say, well, yeah, the reason Kip's ahead is because his mom gave him all his

00:00:11.260 money when he was a kid, or like, whatever, right? Like, we come up with all these excuses and

00:00:16.280 reasons, even though we know it's not true. The alternative is we start to feel bad about

00:00:21.400 ourselves in your little places, instead of saying, well, yeah, the reason Kip's ahead is

00:00:26.140 because his family gave him all his wealth when he was a kid which again is not true the alternative

00:00:31.480 is to say well you know like that would never be enough for like i couldn't i would never my

00:00:37.700 parents and i could never this is not going to work for me where it becomes a problem

00:00:42.480 kip what's up man so great to see you uh i know you're a little stressed out today as am i as is

00:00:50.920 every man right like if you're not a little stressed out on monday i i almost have to question

00:00:56.340 what the hell are you doing like don't you have things you're excited about don't you have things

00:01:01.680 that you're engaged in like i was joking around uh this weekend it's like wouldn't it be nice to 0.93

00:01:09.180 be like a dog or a cow or a horse or something and because they don't have a care in the world

00:01:14.440 but then i thought yeah it would it would it would be nice if you knew no better but

00:01:19.420 i'd rather be stressed out because i'm engaged in something that's stressed out because i'm not

00:01:24.440 yeah yeah totally it's part of life right let's embrace it not only a part of life but it's part

00:01:32.160 of being a man like yeah very few people really care uh i think very very few people care about

00:01:39.660 what it means to be a man and how men show up and there's there's usually a contingent of

00:01:44.200 people that you have in your life who do, but ultimately nobody cares. And you actually

00:01:49.880 shouldn't care either. Like do your job, put your head down, get to work and get after it.

00:01:55.420 Whether it's showing your wife, you love her, whether it's getting to work and building an

00:02:00.820 empire, whether it's hanging out with your kids and coaching their sports. I kind of feel like

00:02:07.900 we're teetering on the verge of everybody look at us, woe is me, like help us get through all

00:02:16.340 this stuff. And then on the other side of the teeter-totter is do your work, get after it,

00:02:22.140 put your head down, don't worry about what other people think. And there's probably a middle ground

00:02:27.100 and I would say it's about 70-30, maybe 80-20. 70 to 80% weighted towards put your head down,

00:02:33.860 go to work, 20 to 30% weighted towards understand how you're feeling, uh, finding people in your

00:02:41.340 life who care about you. I don't know what the exact number is. It's probably different for

00:02:46.060 everybody, but that's one thing I was considering this weekend is like, how much do we just like

00:02:50.420 grind, right? Like how much do we just put forth all of our effort, grind, head down,

00:02:56.780 toe to the line and do it versus how much do we accept help talk about some of our struggles and

00:03:06.560 challenges i don't know i don't know what the magic number is do you no no but i think we fail

00:03:12.880 on it's probably safer for us to fail on the side of too much action than no action at all i mean

00:03:19.640 the way the way i look at it is we're in the information age we have access to so much

00:03:23.680 information and knowledge and understanding so what's the issue and the issue is action

00:03:29.820 wait hold on most people are unwilling to take the necessary action so real quick you're saying

00:03:35.340 we fail because i just want to clarify you're saying the greater risk is not doing anything

00:03:43.880 than doing too much is that what you're saying totally okay it just came out a little weird so

00:03:48.380 i was like wait hold on are you saying the greater action is the opposite but no you're saying the

00:03:52.780 greater the greater risk is not doing enough and thinking too much wallowing too much in our own

00:03:59.360 heads too much that's what you're saying yeah yeah totally and we've talked about this so much

00:04:04.080 as some some a lot of the learning that's available to us to progress in life is in the action you

00:04:09.660 don't know what you don't know until you start going down a path and then opportunities present

00:04:14.740 themselves and and we may never learn certain things without the the struggle or without

00:04:21.340 action period you know and you can think about it all you want but it's just not available to you

00:04:25.760 until action is taken period i don't have anything else to add like you know that's exactly right um

00:04:36.260 i've seen so many guys like wonder about their faith or wonder about how do i build a relationship

00:04:42.160 with my kids or my wife how do i um pursue a promotion or a new business the answer is you

00:04:50.340 just do it. Years ago, Kip, hold on. I think my earbud just died. Let me grab another one real

00:04:56.560 quick. Okay. Hold on. All right. Can you hear me? Okay. Yes. I'm actually going to encourage

00:05:20.180 our editor uh his name's chad he does a phenomenal job to just leave that in because i like the

00:05:27.360 of it i like the realness of it like my earbud died what do you want me to do about it and i

00:05:33.080 think most would like clean it up like oh let's make it polished and let's make it clean there's

00:05:37.980 a danger in that though the danger in that um is that everybody starts to think that your life

00:05:45.960 should look like social media it doesn't and I thought I thought a lot about that this weekend

00:05:54.540 like you know podcasts are edited and overly filtered it's like I don't I don't actually

00:06:02.340 want any of that I just want it to be raw and real and yeah there was 10 seconds of silence

00:06:06.880 right there like a real conversation would actually take place but what we see is these

00:06:13.600 like polished reels these polished highlights i mean even my studio i care about my studio i want

00:06:18.800 to look good but if i were to take this half of the room and then actually show you this the other

00:06:25.200 half of the room you would be wildly unimpressed so i i think i'm gonna like move towards real

00:06:35.060 stuff and i've got some plans for that but anyway got distracted uh what was i saying do you remember

00:06:40.920 what i was saying i don't um we're talking about real action oh yeah you know people need to default

00:06:49.060 to taking action a little bit more often yeah just the aspect of action like so many people

00:06:53.300 so many men think like oh just doing the thing or reading about it or talking about it or going

00:06:58.280 to an event and it's like that's not the action the action is actually getting out there and

00:07:03.140 getting after it and getting to work and doing something and messing up and failing and looking 0.95

00:07:08.280 foolish and looking stupid uh but again i think that's one of the plights of social media is 0.98

00:07:13.320 everything's filtered everything's run through editing and crops and everything else and so 1.00

00:07:18.620 we're just as average men led to believe that oh if i don't look like that then i'm not doing it

00:07:23.740 well you know sometimes your clothes don't fit right sometimes you know you got a booger hanging 1.00

00:07:28.800 out of your nose uh sometimes uh you say something stupid sometimes uh you come to work and you're 0.99

00:07:36.620 dirty or your your truck's dirty or like it is what it is like i'm really tired of this fabricated 1.00

00:07:43.340 lie that so many influencers are trying to perpetuate and look you might fit me into that

00:07:48.760 category because of the studio like a lot of this is the real me but also there's a behind the camera

00:07:54.820 and it doesn't look as pretty as is what you're seeing right now

00:07:57.900 totally well i think we'll get to an element right when everything is so polished that what

00:08:06.940 becomes trustworthy is unpolished right and that will resonate with people because they can trust

00:08:12.720 it a little bit more and it doesn't seem so fabricated well yeah my concern is at that point

00:08:19.200 then people will say okay well i'm just gonna fabricate authenticity and and people do that

00:08:24.340 and they have done that for sure so yeah such a weird such a weird thing all right man well cool

00:08:29.320 enough of that uh wholesome let's talk about wholesome elon musk's flying car come on now

00:08:38.640 wholesome like what an incredible it's air it's literally air that's all it is do you know that

00:08:48.080 like do people know that that's not like jet fuel that's not that's compressed air flipping a car

00:08:56.000 around i don't i don't even know i'm i'm speechless so i saw that video of the ramp the

00:09:04.000 half ramp and it went around and it flipped i'm like oh yeah ai and then i saw another one i'm

00:09:09.060 like yeah it's ai people are dumb they're like perpetuating ai and then i saw 17 of them like 0.65

00:09:13.900 wait, hold on a second. Let me look at this for a second. That is not AI. Dude, that's crazy. 0.99

00:09:20.760 Doing kickflips over semi trucks. Come on, dude. That is wholesome. And if you, if you don't think

00:09:28.240 that's wholesome, you're not American. You're probably Muslim. You're, you're probably an 1.00

00:09:33.620 immigrant to the country. Like if you don't think that's wholesome, you're irredeemable at this 1.00

00:09:40.580 point that is amazing i mean the the innovation is just cool right even if it has no practical

00:09:50.160 application no hold on hold on i'm gonna stop i'm gonna stop you another 50 i'm gonna stop you it's

00:09:53.860 kind of cool dude i gotta stop you i hate that argument even if it's impractical argument what 0.70

00:09:59.980 are we talking about using error to manipulate objects in almost irrational and impossible

00:10:08.760 physical type scenarios how is that not applicable

00:10:14.880 it's so not going to be used in cars for that might be true but how is it not applicable to

00:10:22.200 other aspects though yeah but why make it a car then so you can flip a car over right like it's

00:10:30.220 a showboat of awesome innovation i don't with maybe other application that's all it is it's

00:10:36.760 cool though i don't agree i'm like yeah it's fun it's a grown man having no no i don't agree dude

00:10:44.400 like we are you think so yeah oh man i don't think no it's it is showboating for sure i'll

00:10:50.540 give you that it's showboating yeah but like would you say that columbus sailing you know

00:10:59.360 thousands and thousands of miles and finding new paths to india is showboating like i wouldn't say

00:11:06.260 you can't apply those are so unrelated to each other that it's ridiculous bro this is the wildest

00:11:13.640 disagreement i would have thought if there's anybody on the universe in the universe that

00:11:19.700 would say like it's not just showboating it wouldn't but i'm confused man yeah no i mean it's

00:11:27.440 yeah it's absolutely i mean we're both in agreement that it's showboating i agree with that i think

00:11:31.640 it's more fun i think it's more fun innovation of possibility practical application usage it's

00:11:38.940 going to be a long time no no no we'll see we'll see in five years put put a put a train on a

00:11:47.800 magnet rail and give it air compression no no dude like there yes okay we do agree that it's

00:11:58.480 showboating but isn't that the point like like remember i mean look at all the great athletes

00:12:05.340 throughout time do they showboat yeah sure they do things that we previous thought previously

00:12:09.840 thought were impossible but then think about what becomes possible because somebody had the audacity

00:12:15.260 to say oh yeah no like i think we can make a car do a kickflip i i think when we say it's just

00:12:23.060 showboating i think we actually discount the fact that it underscores the importance of capitalism

00:12:28.660 it underscores the importance of free markets and under underscores the importance of innovation

00:12:34.320 it underscores the importance of just thinking and dreaming big i don't think it's just showboating

00:12:43.560 i think it's going to unlock an entire genre of engineers designers architects visionaries

00:12:52.000 who will create some of the wildest things ever imaginable but maybe that's my romantic side

00:12:57.640 coming out no and i don't think it's just showboating i think there's innovation there

00:13:02.880 that that is amazing what i can't stand and i do think there's a maybe a little bit of element to

00:13:08.260 this i remember when innovation came out and the innovation was ready i don't i don't understand

00:13:14.640 what you mean innovation came about when the innovation of what do you mean yeah like i

00:13:20.800 let's think of iphone when iphone came out it was like holy crap like touch screen okay like

00:13:27.180 it was amazing and guess what it was ready it was a legit like it rolled out and nowadays there's a

00:13:35.380 little bit of we preemptively jump to like oh look what's possible but it's so far from prime time

00:13:41.220 that it's ridiculous and so even tech companies do this is they'll show something but it's like

00:13:47.140 uh practical application or really seeing where this could apply to society yeah we're 10 years

00:13:54.160 out but you know and it's like well it's exciting but i still it's not as exciting as if it was

00:13:59.760 i thought you'd be on my page dude like this is crazy to me this is crazy that you're the person

00:14:06.560 like well let's temper this a little bit like i remember i i had a stepdad coming in my life

00:14:13.620 when i was probably uh 12 13 and he had a flat screen tv

00:14:21.000 he had a car phone but it was actually like hooked up to his car i remember him saying hey

00:14:29.760 phone called Joe or whatever in his Yukon. And I was like, what is this?

00:14:38.920 Are you kidding? This is not like, look, the only concern I had is like, if I'm in traffic,

00:14:44.500 how am I going to do a kickflip over somebody in my car? Like, how does, how do we regulate this?

00:14:49.100 Like, what are the new laws that are going to need to come out of this? But it's not 10 years

00:14:53.980 out man like it's it's just not no dude this is yeah this is so applicable i i can't even

00:15:01.600 it's so it's weird i'm actually i'm dumbfounded actually right now are you just in a bad mood

00:15:08.100 or like this doesn't sound like kip to me i'm like man kip would be totally on board with this

00:15:12.640 no i'm a i'm a huge i'm a tech guy but you'll you know anyone who follows me knows that even

00:15:20.140 even ai i'm like most of it's all height so um i don't know i get excited about it maybe i maybe

00:15:27.520 i'm getting old you are you are getting maybe i'm getting old and grumpy right now you're grumpy

00:15:32.660 today bro like i would have thought we'd have this conversation like oh look at think about

00:15:37.220 how this can apply on this and this that's amazing yeah i i'm just jaded right because

00:15:42.800 like back to the future you know how long i've been waiting for that skateboard i've been waiting

00:15:46.520 the hoverboard forever you know it never came ryan i'm tired i know but they yeah the hover

00:15:51.460 board actually has two wheels i'm like how is that a hoverboard it literally is the antithesis

00:15:56.640 to hovering that's wheels all right well thanks for bursting my bubble and elon musk's still no

00:16:06.700 it's it's cool it is cool it's better than cool um what it's better than cool well and it's what

00:16:14.780 happens when you're in the mountains all weekend you know it's like that tech you know that that's

00:16:19.000 actually a good point like i think there is so there's a there's there is something to be said

00:16:23.640 for just being able to be in the mountains i went camping this weekend i mean the only technology we

00:16:28.760 had was i'm trying to be real about it we had our phones we had a solar powered light and we had

00:16:37.200 a lighter with lighter fluid that's technology uh and the rest was just well we had our side

00:16:44.620 but we had a lot of technology okay so we had everything sorry yeah once you add it up you're

00:16:49.460 like yeah disregard we had everything a truck a vehicle a car a chart i actually used the charger

00:16:56.940 that you you gave me a couple years ago for christmas and uh that thing could light a house

00:17:03.060 for a week if you needed it too which is awesome i love that the charger car totally yeah charge

00:17:08.720 your tesla you're flying tesla yeah you're fine tesla all right enough of that all right should

00:17:15.020 we hop into questions yeah all right all right travis holloway um i was offered a job that would

00:17:23.760 double my income but it seems moving my wife and kids 1500 miles from both sets of grandparents

00:17:30.280 my wife says she'll support whatever this uh what whatever i decide which somehow makes it harder

00:17:36.760 by the way that that's a critical statement um how do you weigh opportunities against roots okay

00:17:42.920 so leadership is hard right and i think that's what travis is travis right i think that's what

00:17:48.060 he's alluding to is that yeah when you make decisions you are responsible for the decisions

00:17:56.620 that you make that's why so many men don't make decisions like think about it even as as benign

00:18:03.720 is the dating world guy guys will go on a date and they'll be like you know like i'd love to

00:18:10.100 take you out and she says yes and he's like well you're like where do you want to go what do you

00:18:15.340 want to do it's like what are you doing dude like be a man say hey i'd like to go to this restaurant

00:18:21.500 how does that sound to you you know so you're at least you're taking into her into consideration

00:18:26.180 but you're making a decision and that's the most important thing that i think men can do

00:18:30.500 is make a decision but too many men don't because they're like oh what if she doesn't like it well

00:18:36.600 then she can tell you she doesn't like it or she can give you an alternative option

00:18:41.060 but i think part of being a man is just making decisions and yes it's harder but it's also a

00:18:49.100 really good place to be for two reasons number one you get to do what you want to do which is cool

00:18:54.860 and number two she leans into it people want to be led whether it's the woman in your life or your

00:19:02.900 kids or your clients or your employees they want direction they want guidance and when a man steps

00:19:09.380 up and says hey i would like to do this thing that's that's amazing what would you agree with

00:19:15.760 that kit that's amazing totally well and i think you you take on a weight when it's your decision

00:19:24.420 absolutely and now you care more about the decision being made right and so if it's your

00:19:28.920 call and it's a bad call you care more about it but if we both all decided and we took consensus

00:19:34.780 and the decision sucks no one's really held accountable per se and no one's at fault but

00:19:41.280 when you make the decision it puts kind of the mantle of ownership on you which ensures that you

00:19:45.900 show up better right and and you put more weight into the decisions you're making yeah but that's

00:19:52.100 where i want to live i would rather live there and somebody say hey that wasn't a good decision

00:19:58.800 and me say yeah you're right it wasn't botch that one then waiting around sitting with you know your

00:20:09.620 thumb in your mouth waiting for somebody else to make a decision about what we should do i could

00:20:14.640 much rather make the decision and if anybody has an issue with it speak now forever hold your peace

00:20:20.560 i guess that's how i operate so i i think it's i think it's a great thing like we're we're men

00:20:27.680 like isn't it an amazing thing and you know what too your wife already said she's on board

00:20:33.180 so you know what that means she's putting her trust in your decision making hands

00:20:40.360 props to you man whatever you've done over the past however long you guys have been together

00:20:48.440 she trusts you so honor it honor her trust and you honor her trust by making decisions on behalf

00:21:00.300 of the family and and here's what i would say is that we as men should make decisions

00:21:05.840 in consideration of the people that we care about and consideration is the biggest word

00:21:12.380 you have to consider what she cares about so i'll give an example if you've been married to 0.75

00:21:21.140 your wife for 10 years let's say and you know she hates cold weather she's miserable she's

00:21:26.820 depressed she hates it it's like the worst to her and you say hey babe i'm thinking about moving us

00:21:32.640 to south dakota probably you aren't taking her into consideration but if you said hey babe got

00:21:40.740 a job offer we're moving to miami that's where things start to align right we have a job offer

00:21:47.320 it's in miami i know that you i'm i'm doing a very basic scenario here but i i know that you

00:21:53.420 don't like the cold weather we have an opportunity to go to south dakota or miami and i'm thinking

00:21:57.720 miami is the best option that's what i feel what do you think and she's going to choose miami

00:22:02.140 okay done we'll go to miami we won't go to south dakota and that means you as a man might need

00:22:09.040 to sacrifice a little bit, but you already made an obligation. You made an obligation to her and

00:22:14.260 your family long before you made an obligation to take this job opportunity. So does it align

00:22:20.120 with what she's into, what she's not into, what she likes, what she doesn't like? And are you

00:22:24.920 taking her into consideration? Yeah, I know you could double your income. At what cost? I think

00:22:32.040 that's the question at what cost yeah and how about roots you know from your perspective right

00:22:39.620 that was a key element of this it's like double your income you know and moving the family away

00:22:45.720 from grandparents right and and that balance well i don't care about that personally

00:22:50.500 but again this is where it comes to consideration you married her you built a family with her

00:22:59.120 so look i'll get really raw with you um and i'm gonna i'm gonna tread lightly a little bit here

00:23:05.820 so we moved seven or eight years ago we moved from southern utah west coast to maine east coast

00:23:14.200 about as far away as you go and still stay in the states and i was not connected to family i

00:23:21.060 like i love my mother i have a relationship with my sister but that's like the extent of it

00:23:26.640 so I wasn't real close but she was she was very close to her family so we moved across the country

00:23:34.600 moved to the east coast and she was fully on board very similar situation not that I could

00:23:38.400 double my income but we had some mobility so we moved to the east coast and in hindsight

00:23:44.700 what I realized is that while I wasn't connected to the family side of things she was connected to

00:23:51.400 that and again in hindsight i probably would have got her back to southern utah sooner because

00:24:00.100 that was important to her so it doesn't really matter i think when you marry somebody when you

00:24:08.100 partner with somebody i don't really think it matters any longer like everything that you want

00:24:13.200 we could double all our income okay but again at what cost if she's rooted in her family 0.98

00:24:18.760 moving from a hundred thousand dollars to two hundred thousand dollars is not going to be the 1.00

00:24:25.360 thing that makes your relationship better it's going to probably make it worse if it comes at

00:24:30.300 the expense of other things that she's deeply rooted in that's just how i see it yeah yeah

00:24:37.060 would you agree i could all right yeah i think so i mean i i think there's a lot of considerations a

00:24:43.720 lot of variables what's best for them i mean in some cases a couple moving away from parents

00:24:49.500 and being on their own is sometimes even a positive thing the the other thing is like

00:24:54.440 no move in my opinion is ever permanent yeah so it's like we kind of sometimes make decisions as

00:25:01.700 though it's like oh this this is a defining you know decision that will forever alter and will

00:25:08.640 never come back that's not necessarily true i mean so i don't know like maybe we put maybe too much

00:25:15.840 weight on on certain decisions i love the fact that we moved all around a lot uh in our marriage

00:25:20.680 but i always knew that like northern utah was going to be home base yeah well i think you have

00:25:26.980 to evaluate it just fine you have to evaluate it in real time too right like this relies a lot on

00:25:31.440 communication and trust it's like hey babe how you feeling about we moved out here six months ago

00:25:36.280 tell me how you're feeling about it and you need to be able to be receptive to whatever she says

00:25:41.040 and you need to ask those types of questions and if she says hey like I mean it's really nice that

00:25:47.320 we're earning more money but I'm not really happy with where we are okay let's what would make you

00:25:52.860 happier what would make you more fulfilled what would be more meaningful to you but I do like

00:25:57.360 what you said Kip too about not every decision that you make is permanent in fact no decision

00:26:02.020 you make is permanent you can change courses based on all sorts of dynamics that come into

00:26:07.580 the equation anytime and you ought to do that yeah cool and there's probably more variables on the

00:26:14.460 table here than we know right it's like oh don't my income by moving here okay well could you

00:26:18.920 increase your income by 50 by not going out of state and just going into another city like

00:26:25.060 there's so many options for sure cool what's next all right grant grant ellison um i carry every day

00:26:32.880 and train regularly my wife grew up around zero guns and is uncomfortable having them in the house

00:26:38.740 especially with our kids getting older how do i take protecting my family seriously without

00:26:44.360 steamrolling her well look we always fear what we don't know and she fears what she doesn't know

00:26:53.720 it sounds like she probably didn't grow up around guns.

00:26:56.080 She probably has some sort of cultural or political or spiritual belief around

00:27:02.420 firearms, which is fair. Like that's, that's fair. It's reasonable. We, we,

00:27:06.420 we can, we can acknowledge that.

00:27:08.660 But I think what I would do in this scenario is I would say, Hey babe,

00:27:12.240 look, first things first. Like I want to make sure that we keep our family safe.

00:27:17.340 You know, what's interesting about this Kip is she would actually say the same

00:27:21.740 thing yeah right like if you said hey my biggest goal is that we keep our family safe she and she

00:27:29.540 would say yeah mine too like you're actually you're out you're on the same page that's the

00:27:35.940 most important thing that you need to realize so what i would do is i would say all right babe like

00:27:40.400 let's talk about this a little bit you know if if we have these scenarios come up what what does

00:27:45.840 safe look like to you and she might say well you know let's let's make sure that we live in a safe

00:27:51.140 neighborhood let's make sure that the doors are locked at night let's make sure that maybe we have

00:27:56.740 a dog that can you know alert us we we teach our kids how to be situationally aware all of those

00:28:05.120 are accurate I would agree with those things and say yeah I agree with that and then you might say

00:28:10.920 something like and I believe that had it having an added level of firearm protection is important

00:28:15.840 and and there's a couple of angles I would take with this so number one is what would help you

00:28:20.400 feel more comfortable about having a firearm in the house knowing that this is something that i

00:28:25.160 think will help us keep us more safe which is a goal we both have and she might say well i just

00:28:32.020 don't want a bunch of guns around the house well i don't either i love firearms but i don't have

00:28:37.440 guns like scattered like pickup sticks all around the house yeah and so it's like okay well what if

00:28:45.060 what if i agreed to have a pistol locked up in a safe and then at night i pulled the pistol out

00:28:53.400 because what i have is so i actually have this it's actually really cool it's a magnet that i

00:28:59.460 screwed to the side of my bed frame and i pull my pistol out and i'll put it on that bed frame

00:29:04.320 so at night i always have a pistol that i can just grab off my bed frame anytime i need it

00:29:09.440 But during the day, I don't, I don't need that.

00:29:12.680 So I put that in a safe and that might, that might be enough for her.

00:29:18.240 But like I said, when I, when we started this conversation is we always fear what we don't

00:29:22.860 understand.

00:29:23.400 So I would say, Hey babe, like, look, I understand your concerns and fears.

00:29:27.840 In fact, I had many of those same reservations before I actually went and shot a pistol.

00:29:33.640 And this is how exactly how I would frame it.

00:29:37.080 I would say it this way verbatim.

00:29:39.440 I know you have concerns, but it would mean a lot to me if you came out and you and I shot for 30 minutes this weekend.

00:29:51.460 It would mean a lot to me.

00:29:54.820 And leave it there. 0.99

00:29:57.000 I think any woman who's like, okay, well, he wants me to come shoot. 1.00

00:30:00.800 If she said to me, hey, babe, I know you don't dance, but it would mean a lot to me if you would come dance with me this weekend. 0.99

00:30:09.440 i would go dance with her i would do that of course i would do that and i think any partner

00:30:15.640 would say yeah if it means a lot to you i will go do that and then you go out and you teach her the

00:30:20.980 firearm safety rules and you have fun and you shoot and you hit some some metal targets and

00:30:26.200 you have fun with it and you enjoy each other's company don't press too hard right there's a

00:30:30.840 balance you're not going to say see i told you it was amazing like why can't we have a gun in that

00:30:35.340 no like be a little political and i i think you can work through it man i really do

00:30:41.140 yeah all right derrick vaughn my life is objectively good solid marriage healthy

00:30:50.560 kids stable job i'm 41 and i feel restless and bored and i hate that i feel this way

00:30:56.840 is this a warning sign or just part of being a man

00:31:00.260 well being restless is i think because we're ambitious right just as men we're ambitious

00:31:08.620 we want to achieve things we want to go out we want to do things

00:31:12.560 um i don't know what do you think about it kip

00:31:17.100 what i hear is a lack of higher purpose you know like i he's not about something right like not

00:31:27.920 that not having a solid marriage and kids and job is good, but like, well, what are you working on?

00:31:34.440 Like, what's the next thing? What's the objective? How are you serving other individuals? You know,

00:31:40.900 and, and I think you're, you're feeling that way because you're called to something and you're

00:31:45.860 having identified it. Yeah, I would agree. How do you find what your, how would you say you find

00:31:54.800 what you're um driven to or what might bring more purpose to your life yeah i'll still advice that

00:32:04.400 someone gave to me and it was that we all have problems people that have a life of fulfillment

00:32:10.340 chose theirs oh that's good so choose the problem and and find the problem that pisses you off like

00:32:16.580 you obviously have some things that kind of get you riled up that's a great place to start and

00:32:21.780 to look at and say, what are you going to do about it? Instead of drifting and having a complaint

00:32:27.200 about something, step into the arena and play an active role in resolving it. I would agree with

00:32:34.020 that. Like figure out what issues are important to you, what bothers you, what experiences you've

00:32:40.760 had in the past that might make you believe a certain thing about culture or about politics,

00:32:49.340 and then just start trying to solve the problem there's a guy that i follow i can't remember his

00:32:55.120 name he works with a lot of underprivileged children and it was a big deal for him because

00:33:01.880 he was that same way and now he's teaching them young boys particularly how to uh have manners

00:33:09.000 how to interact with the world how to start conversations how to end conversations how to

00:33:14.980 ask for promotion these are like incredible skills to have and you look at this guy and it's like how

00:33:21.140 did he how did he become so successful with this well it was an important issue to him and so what

00:33:27.400 is your important issue and by the way when you talk about i have the perfect marriage i have the

00:33:32.140 perfect relationship you actually become more attractive to the person you're with when you

00:33:37.720 have a mission outside of just her that's a really fascinating thing is that most men believe i think

00:33:46.440 that if they let the woman be the center of their universe and they orbit around the woman

00:33:53.480 that she'll somehow love them more and it's really flattering i think for women initially but over

00:33:59.980 time it becomes annoying to say the least when they realize oh my man doesn't have something

00:34:07.800 that he's actually going out and trying to accomplish in the universe and so i would

00:34:12.240 challenge you and say what is it that you want to accomplish and the best way to do that is through

00:34:17.100 a system that we use kip you and i've been using this for over a decade now it's called the battle

00:34:22.300 plan where you start to identify okay well what is your vision for the future what are the objectives

00:34:28.880 that you want to accomplish what tactics can you complete like just small little simple things

00:34:35.020 can you complete on a daily basis that will move you towards your objectives that will move you

00:34:40.040 towards your ultimate vision and if you don't have something like this you're floating you're

00:34:44.860 drifting and and that's never going to create something good so i would encourage you to go

00:34:51.060 check out our battle planning app if you go to order a man.com slash t w b p as in 12 week battle

00:34:57.940 plan you'll find some really cool resources or actually you know what kip we should do is we

00:35:02.640 should give him um the access to the battle ready program it's free and it might help you come up

00:35:09.740 with some goals and and a vision for yourself that you can start being more ambitious again

00:35:15.540 it's entirely free so if you go to orderofman.com battle ready you'll have access to that and that

00:35:22.700 might help get you on the track you need I love it I love it all right Cody Brennan how do you

00:35:30.600 stay off your phone I preach to my kids about screens and then I catch myself scrolling at

00:35:35.720 dinner I mean rules so two things rules and access so a rule might be hey guys no phones

00:35:49.640 at the dinner table that goes for all of us that's a rule access is it's not it doesn't even

00:35:56.160 belong in the kitchen so rule would be no phones at the dinner table uh access would be no phones

00:36:02.640 in the kitchen or dining room that's it yeah like there's there's no other way to do it you might

00:36:11.280 tell your kids hey guys no phones after eight o'clock for all of us that's a rule access is

00:36:18.400 all phones are charged in the kitchen or in the living room or in the office the office that's

00:36:24.880 probably a better example all phones charged in the office guess what including yours

00:36:29.800 i don't think we need to give our kid like there's there is some exceptions to this rule but i don't

00:36:36.660 think we need to give our kids rules that we aren't willing to abide by most of the time you

00:36:43.680 go back to firearms. Hey guys. And this is, this is known. You can't carry a firearm around town.

00:36:50.040 That rule doesn't apply to me. It applies to you because you're a teenager, but it doesn't

00:36:55.500 apply to me. But for most rules, I'm willing to do that with my kids. So you have rules and then

00:37:02.480 you have access and you're violating both. When you tell your kids, no, no phones at the dinner

00:37:09.740 table and then you pull out your phone at the dinner table okay not only is it about the phone

00:37:15.460 but here's a deeper issue they they trust you less you're a you're a weasel yeah and that's how they

00:37:23.460 see you i promise you and look i'm not chastising you without chastising myself because i promise

00:37:31.040 you even if they don't say anything they think less of you it's the reality so when you say hey

00:37:37.980 guys as a family we're not doing phones at the dinner table and you grab your phone out you're

00:37:41.280 like well hold on kids it's important it's important to me it's a it's a business call

00:37:44.440 they don't know about your business call what they see is oh rules for rules for you know the

00:37:52.460 but not for you know thou or whatever it's whatever the phrase is that's a problem that's

00:37:58.760 an issue that undermines trust and respect with your children so rules and access that's it

00:38:05.240 years ago, I read a book and I don't remember what book it was around parenting, but they said

00:38:13.200 that think of your kids playtime is the equivalent of your work. And, and the, the council was a

00:38:20.100 little bit like disrupting what they're doing. Give them ample notice of like, Hey guys, you

00:38:25.620 know, let's wrap up here pretty soon. Like the way we feel about all this absolute important

00:38:30.100 thing that I'm doing, which is work is kind of how they're treating their play. And, and I bet

00:38:35.260 our phones are very similar. We think, ah, this is work. It's urgent. And they're in, in their

00:38:40.520 world, the equivalent is, well, this is my friend texting me. It's urgent to them. And so, yeah,

00:38:47.060 it's really urgent to them. And so, you know, my, my suggestion to Cody is, uh, make no exceptions

00:38:53.020 for yourself. Um, in fact, this is on my battle plan this quarter of no phone between six and

00:38:59.900 9 PM. And initially it was like, Oh, you know, I'll stay off my phone. I'll put it in my pocket.

00:39:06.180 But I'm like, I don't even want my kids seeing me look at my phone. Like I almost want them to be

00:39:12.380 like, does dad still have a phone? And, and, and for me to do that, that means what I have to be

00:39:19.180 super intentional that I make sure that work ends earlier, that I did wrap up the thing that I did

00:39:25.180 send the text messages before 6 p.m. came. I could do that. You could do that. We could all

00:39:30.740 do that. But I have to be extra intentional about it. And then that way I can really hide my phone,

00:39:36.220 put it in the drawer in the bedroom and not even have it on me. And so where we get wrong is where

00:39:42.900 we have these exceptions, right, to the rule. Well, you know, it's this and it's that and

00:39:47.160 whatever. It's like, no, don't even play that game. Like try to stay away from it and plan

00:39:51.980 appropriately so then that way you can honor the commitment yeah i would say don't even try just do

00:39:57.740 it and and then you might actually say well my business partner is going to call me at eight

00:40:03.220 o'clock well you scheduled a meeting with your business partner at eight o'clock so don't do that

00:40:09.740 you're the one who scheduled it so say hey hey i'd love to talk like we got to connect on these

00:40:18.100 issues i'm available eight o'clock a.m tomorrow morning not 8 p.m tonight you have you have

00:40:24.640 control over your schedule and i hear guys all the time who will say well like i'm busy like

00:40:30.360 real estate agents do this well like it's only time my client can get together really the the

00:40:36.520 human being who's interested in buying a house that you're selling can only meet you at 8 p.m

00:40:44.000 to 9 p.m. tonight, like that's the only time they can meet you. Have some standards, like have some

00:40:50.180 respect for yourself. If I was ever in real estate, I'd be like, hey, look, I don't meet after six

00:40:55.880 o'clock, but I'll meet you at noon. I'll take you on a lunch break. If you want to come into town,

00:41:00.820 come into town tomorrow morning. And I would be so good that people would clamor over me

00:41:06.420 to meet my schedule, not for me to meet theirs. This is my schedule. Protect it at all costs.

00:41:14.000 And then just be, and this goes to what you were saying,

00:41:16.780 be amazing enough that people will clamor over themselves

00:41:20.860 to meet your schedule, not for you to meet theirs.

00:41:25.900 Yeah.

00:41:28.000 All right, Marcus Teague.

00:41:30.360 I volunteered to coach my son's 10U,

00:41:34.460 so probably what, 10 youth baseball team.

00:41:36.540 The kids are great.

00:41:37.340 The parents are a nightmare.

00:41:39.760 Complaints about playing time, texts at 11 p.m.

00:41:42.820 one dad who yells from the stands how do i lead adults who didn't sign up to be to to be led well

00:41:50.060 first they did sign up

00:41:52.680 because they signed their kid up and it's a package deal that's a child that's a 10 11 year old child

00:42:00.840 which means that they're still under the care of their parents which means that they did themselves

00:42:06.280 sign up for it so when i was coaching and i don't coach much anymore i've

00:42:12.820 outgrown my usefulness for coaching my kids at this point they've they've become much better

00:42:17.360 players than I can coach them but I try to stay involved uh in whatever capacity I mean I took

00:42:22.680 pictures for my two oldest boys high school lacrosse team last year and I know nothing

00:42:28.080 about that but I did it to stay involved but I don't coach them because they've outgrown my

00:42:32.080 coaching um but when I was coaching I always sent I sent out this text and I probably still

00:42:40.580 have it saved i should share it with you guys and it was a little harsh and when i initially sent it

00:42:45.260 out it was a little harsh because i was teaching or coaching seven eight nine ten year old kids at

00:42:50.100 the time and and the text is basically this like hey so and so i'm your son's baseball coach and

00:42:59.300 i'm really excited to have little timmy on the team this week or this year and uh if you have

00:43:05.340 any questions this is my phone number you can reach out to me anytime but i want to let you

00:43:09.100 know a couple of ground rules number one we practice on tuesday and thursday nights at 7 p.m

00:43:13.300 here's where we practice uh number two i expect your boys to show up on time and be there and be

00:43:19.260 present when they're playing and if they're not they don't get to play as much as the boys who

00:43:23.260 do show up regardless of their skill level number three is we're here to win baseball games yes

00:43:29.720 we'll have fun yes we'll enjoy ourselves yes they're going to learn skills that will serve

00:43:34.640 them for the rest of the life, but I play to win. So I expect that the boys play as hard as they can

00:43:40.540 to win baseball games. Next is I need some help. I need parents to step up. I don't care who it is,

00:43:48.660 but I need you to step up. You need to have no experience. I'm asking you to help me administer

00:43:53.280 discipline, like teaching our kids to run or how to field a ground ball. You don't need experience

00:43:57.620 to do that. Next, and this is one thing that was really important. If you start criticizing me

00:44:02.920 or chastising me especially in public you are simultaneously volunteering to be my assistant

00:44:08.480 coach so if i hear any critique criticism complaint especially in public know that i will expect you

00:44:16.740 to be there on tuesday at the next practice as my assistant coach if you have issues with the way

00:44:22.840 i'm coaching come to me with respect we can talk about it if you have questions about why i play

00:44:27.780 your kid as much as i do or why i don't play him as much as you would like you can come to me

00:44:32.400 directly. I'll communicate with you respectfully and clearly. Other than that, let's have a great

00:44:37.220 season. Let's win baseball games. Thanks for your attention. And when I sent that out at first,

00:44:45.480 I was about to hit send. The first time I sent it out, I'm like, I don't know. This is harsh.

00:44:51.400 And then I hit send. And you know what happened? Every parent abided by what I told them to do.

00:44:58.540 every single parent, because people love leadership, number one, and people care about

00:45:06.180 their kids and they want strong leaders in their kids' lives. And then I held people to it. I had

00:45:11.360 one parent, a father one time, start to yell at me in public at a game. And while the boys were

00:45:19.220 doing their thing, I waved him over. I said, hey, like not rude. I was just like, hey. And I pulled

00:45:24.880 him over by the side of the dugout and I said hey look I know you might be upset about the way I'm

00:45:30.180 coaching or about the way the game is going and I understand that I would I would I would be upset

00:45:36.080 I think maybe if I were in your shoes but I sent you a text and you remember the text I sent you

00:45:41.020 and you volunteered to be my coach next week so I'll expect here on Tuesday night if you have an

00:45:47.060 issue about the way I'm coaching you can talk with me in private otherwise you can sit on the bench

00:45:53.400 and watch your son play the game

00:45:56.000 and be respectful to your son

00:45:58.100 and be respectful to me.

00:46:01.300 If you wanna talk about that later in private,

00:46:04.540 I'm happy to do that,

00:46:05.780 but we're not doing this here.

00:46:07.060 Don't embarrass yourself.

00:46:08.700 Don't embarrass your son and be a good father.

00:46:13.520 And to his credit, he sat down,

00:46:16.380 he called me the next day and he said,

00:46:18.960 hey, I'm really sorry about the way I showed up.

00:46:21.700 I said, it's okay, man.

00:46:22.400 And I know like sports are, like we get emotional.

00:46:25.040 I do too.

00:46:26.620 It's okay.

00:46:27.560 But I do expect you to be at practice on Tuesday.

00:46:31.200 And he's like, yeah, I'll be there.

00:46:33.000 And it was great.

00:46:34.000 The rest of the season went great.

00:46:35.840 But you have to uphold boundaries.

00:46:37.660 You have to have rules.

00:46:38.720 And those parents did sign up just as much as their kids did.

00:46:42.560 But if you let them trounce all over you, they will.

00:46:45.400 But I don't tolerate that.

00:46:47.020 I don't tolerate that from children, let alone from grown adults.

00:46:50.300 Like, that's not going to be a thing that happens in my life.

00:46:55.840 All right.

00:46:57.840 Brent Okafor, a buddy came up, um, a buddy I came up with just sold this company and

00:47:05.360 is set for life.

00:47:06.900 I'm genuinely happy for him, but I'm also eaten up with envy that I didn't expect.

00:47:13.440 How do you do?

00:47:15.440 um i don't know it's kind of weirded word but like more or less how do you deal with this when

00:47:21.380 a friend's success exposes something ugly in you do you think envy's bad kip what do you think

00:47:28.420 or when does it become bad

00:47:33.280 i don't know i mean i i i when i think about successful people in my life and i'm like man

00:47:46.660 that's awesome like i'm happy for them um maybe i wish right there's like a sense of wish of like

00:47:53.480 oh man i wish i was in a different position i don't know if that's necessarily bad i think

00:47:58.720 it's bad when I demonize them and I place verdict and judgment on them of like why they got it and

00:48:05.740 I didn't. And, or I make excuses for myself and, and, and go down the path of like, this will never

00:48:12.420 be available to me because of X, Y, Z. But beside that, I don't know if that's necessarily a bad

00:48:19.920 thing to to wish to want um as long as it doesn't translate to um ill feelings and judgment towards

00:48:29.860 someone else or to yourself i would i would actually totally agree with that i don't think

00:48:35.480 being envious i mean we should not covet right that's one of the ten commandments that shall

00:48:40.800 not covet but i think that's different than envy like oh i'm and i'm envious of the life that kip

00:48:47.000 has created i don't i don't think that's bad like you've created a really nice life you've got a

00:48:52.080 beautiful family you've got a career you've got nice things you're taking care of yourself and

00:48:57.540 so i'm like i'm envious of that i think to your point that where i start to believe that it

00:49:04.780 crosses the line and i have is exactly to your point where you start to say well yeah the reason

00:49:11.120 kip's ahead is because his mom gave him all his money when he was a kid or like whatever right

00:49:15.940 like we come we come up with all these excuses and reasons even though we know it's not true

00:49:20.760 um or or the alternative is we start to feel bad about ourselves and you alluded to this is

00:49:28.200 instead of saying well yeah the reason kip said is because his family gave him all his wealth when

00:49:33.040 he was a kid which again is not true the alternative is to say well you know like

00:49:39.080 that would never be enough for like i couldn't i would never my parents and i could never and

00:49:44.980 this is not going to work for me where it becomes a problem. But if I look at it healthy and I say,

00:49:50.300 hey, a friend that I just came up to high school with sold his business for $25 million and he's

00:49:56.640 set for life, you know what I would be more interested in? Because he's a friend and you

00:50:00.860 know him. If it was you, Kip, and you sold a business for, let's say, $25 million, I'd call

00:50:06.580 you up and I'd say, bro, awesome. Congratulations. Great work. Can I go to lunch with you and learn

00:50:15.260 a little bit more about how you made this work? That's what I would be more interested in is like,

00:50:21.700 what did you do? How did you do it? What business did you buy? What technology did you develop?

00:50:27.160 Because I want to learn how you did that. And I think that's the key is instead of

00:50:31.740 attributing it to something that didn't happen or blaming it on your own life and why you can

00:50:37.160 never be good enough, start to bridge the gap, which is Kip, what did you tell me? Teach me,

00:50:43.020 show me, mentor me. You're set for life. So at this point, I'm, I want to hire you as my coach

00:50:48.340 because I need to figure out what you did. Those are the guys who have the most success.

00:50:52.100 i'm trying to figure out the death what would you say the definition of covet is

00:51:02.600 i i think covet is probably an extreme where you start to

00:51:10.220 overlook your morals and your principles right so for example so recall like if if you if you

00:51:18.900 got the new the brand new flying tesla and i was coveting that i'd be like well i want it and so

00:51:25.200 i'm gonna go steal it that would be a that would be a violation of my principle right or if i said

00:51:33.640 well i want enough money to buy the flying tesla and so i'm gonna rip a bunch of people off and

00:51:38.320 start a ponzi scheme that would be a violation of my moral duty and obligation and i think that's

00:51:45.880 where covet comes into play. Got it. Got it. Do you think something different? I think there

00:51:51.700 might be a lighter. No, I agree. I think, I wonder if there's a lighter version of this where,

00:51:58.560 you know, we, we start talking, I mean, we've talked about this, the comparison trap, right?

00:52:03.940 Where sometimes what we'll do is we'll rob ourselves of gratitude and have short-sighted

00:52:11.560 thinking when we're hyper-focused on what we don't have, what other people have, and we might chase

00:52:17.620 after that, not realizing that there's a bigger picture here and that there's a lot of things

00:52:22.900 that we should be grateful for that we do have, you know? Well, there is, it's called inspired by,

00:52:28.460 but one of the 10 commandments is not, I will, I will not be inspired by the abundance Kip has

00:52:34.760 created no you should be inspired by it kip if you can do it i mean i certainly can if you can

00:52:43.040 do it kip i certainly can do it no but that but that is kind of the point right is like you're

00:52:48.620 allowed to be inspired by there's a drive action yeah like there's all sorts of people who have

00:52:52.900 way more success on just about any front that i'm actually inspired by like oh man that guy's got an

00:52:59.200 amazing family i'm inspired by that i don't want his family i don't want to steal his wife and his

00:53:03.540 kids from him but i'm inspired by it like maybe that motivates me to show up more fully for my

00:53:10.180 kids or hey that guy started this amazing business and he sold it for nine figures and

00:53:16.300 you know i don't want to like steal from him or bad mouth him or make it worse for him but

00:53:21.360 i do want to learn how he did it because i might be interested in selling my business for nine

00:53:25.440 figures at some point so the the softer version like you said i think that's the word you use

00:53:31.100 is inspired by. You're allowed to be that. You should be that. I mean, even when we're talking

00:53:37.320 about, you know, covet and envy and the 10 commandments, even Jesus Christ told us to be

00:53:42.960 inspired by him, live like him, be like him. That's inspiration. That's completely acceptable.

00:53:51.020 In fact, it's encouraged. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Good question from Nathan Price here. He says,

00:53:59.560 I just became a grandfather of 52.

00:54:02.460 I wasn't the father I should have been when my kids were young.

00:54:06.100 I see this as a second chance.

00:54:08.300 How do I show up for my grandkids without my adult kids feeling like I'm just trying to rewrite history?

00:54:14.180 Oh, communication.

00:54:15.280 It's communication.

00:54:17.560 Like I would sit down with your son who has your grandkids or your daughter, and I would say, hey, bud, look.

00:54:24.200 like when your mom and I had you I was 20 years old and I felt like I was a kid myself

00:54:33.780 I was really trying to figure out and navigate how to walk through this new responsibility of

00:54:40.500 fatherhood and I feel like I did x y and z really well and I feel like I did a b and c not so well

00:54:48.220 and over the years I realized that there's some amazing opportunities because I did the things

00:54:55.100 well and there might be some challenges because I did not do these things so well and I'm very

00:55:00.440 excited for my grandson or granddaughter and I'm very excited to be a big part of their life and I

00:55:06.580 realized that I could have done so much better with you and I want to be able to do that with

00:55:13.080 my grandkids and so the things that you hopefully appreciated about the way I showed up as a dad

00:55:21.700 I want to bring that into the relationship and the things that you don't appreciate that I think

00:55:27.660 are x y and z maybe you can help me understand where you would like me to improve or where you

00:55:33.080 would have liked me to see see me show up more fully and I want to bring that to my grandson

00:55:38.500 on our granddaughter communication solves all things by the way like how powerful of a conversation

00:55:46.580 would that be if you meant it in earnest and your daughter or your son would say well dad you were

00:55:51.580 really good at showing up or you really were good at providing but you really were impatient with us

00:55:58.040 and you were hard on us or you wanted us to walk your footsteps when we wanted to do something else

00:56:04.400 and that was frustrating for us and so it'd be it would mean a lot to me as your son or daughter

00:56:10.300 if when you show up for little timmy or little susie to let them be their own person like give

00:56:18.280 them guidance give them direction spend time with them and embrace the fact that they're different

00:56:23.100 than you it's like cool i can do that i want to do that it's just communication it's not hard

00:56:29.020 everybody makes it harder than it needs to be i think that's the answer

00:56:32.580 yeah when it's interesting because he used the language you know he doesn't want his adult kids

00:56:39.000 feeling like i'm trying to rewrite history why not right like they might they might want you

00:56:47.180 to rewrite history like hey do it better this time right like level up and don't do the same

00:56:52.800 things you've done in the past i mean it's a good it's a great point i don't know if that's

00:56:55.860 yeah exactly i mean rewrite history you can't make up for lost time so i think that's where

00:57:00.880 the issue would be but yeah i don't really think you're rewriting history i think you just say hey

00:57:05.120 look i want to do a better job than i did with you guys that's not rewriting history it's just

00:57:11.240 saying i learned from history and i want to do better than the way i showed up 10 years ago 20

00:57:16.080 years ago it's not rewriting it it's just learning from our experiences all right so as we go into

00:57:24.460 hunting season jeremy stole has needs some advice here he says i've taken my son hunting since he

00:57:30.300 was eight he's 14 now and uh told me he doesn't want to go anymore he had rather play music do i

00:57:37.980 push or do i let go any advice well if you drag him into the wilderness and try to get him to

00:57:45.180 shoot animals he's just going to resent that activity and you so what i would say my knee

00:57:52.860 jerk reaction is learn to play an instrument with him if if he's like hey dad i don't want to hunt

00:58:02.120 i want to go play the drums cool guess what he's getting for christmas this year a drum set

00:58:07.820 and guess guess what like i'm actually gonna be learning with him he's like i want to play the

00:58:15.780 guitar i want to play the piano i want to compose music like whatever i want to sing it's like cool

00:58:21.420 then I'm taking singing lessons too. Like we're, we're doing this together.

00:58:27.220 And also I would encourage him to round himself out. Like I'd say, Hey bud, look,

00:58:31.500 we don't have to go hunting, but we are going to go camping as a family this weekend.

00:58:35.480 What, what would be fun for you? Why don't you bring your guitar and you know what would be fun?

00:58:41.160 One night we'll sit around the campfire and you can play us a song that you learned on your guitar.

00:58:46.500 i mean just as i get older so my my oldest just graduated i don't i don't need my kids to hunt

00:58:57.500 for me to love them or for me to care about them or even for me to connect with them i don't need

00:59:02.000 to hunt with them i like hunting i would like them to go hunting with me but i can connect in

00:59:07.400 a thousand different ways that have nothing to do with hunting and it's just as amazing

00:59:12.640 so yeah if he's like well dad i want to play the guitar cool you guys this weekend go down to the

00:59:20.540 pawn shop buy guitar for 150 200 bucks or whatever it is and say all right bud i'm gonna bankroll

00:59:26.280 this for you you got to work this off you got to earn 15 a week and here's how you do it and this

00:59:31.960 goes towards the cost of your guitar you said you want to do this i'm in it with you let's do it

00:59:35.320 together. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, totally. And, and while we're at it, son, uh, whenever we eat

00:59:43.980 that venison, you don't get to eat that dinner since you didn't go on the hunt. So just, you

00:59:48.440 know, want to be clear. Yeah. But then he'd say, well, you don't get to listen to my guitar playing.

00:59:52.220 So you got to go somewhere else while I sit around the campfire and play guitar.

00:59:58.420 Oh, that's funny. I do think there's, I mean, I, I totally agree with you, Ryan. I do think

01:00:03.700 there's an element though where we'll get our kids that just they don't want to do anything

01:00:07.620 you know that it's like well i don't like that anymore you know and sometimes it's like hey get

01:00:12.860 in the car anyway we're going anyway you know bring your guitar i agree and and because i can't

01:00:19.320 count how many times i've done this with my kids and and then you know we did it last night actually

01:00:24.060 we're sitting over family prayer saying what was your best part and what was their best part going

01:00:28.780 up to driggs idaho well guess who didn't want to go to driggs idaho all of them none of them

01:00:36.900 wanted to go right but you know once you get up there and you're riding more cycles and you're

01:00:42.220 up in the mountains it's like oh man so happy we came but you know the drive is a little boring or

01:00:48.400 maybe you want to do these other things and be a little lazy and and your kids need a little bit

01:00:53.120 of a push you know to get out i mean you're still the dad right yeah so i but i there's there's a

01:01:01.740 balance to your point there's a balance between hey i'm gonna make them do this thing that like

01:01:07.100 i remember when my second son i took him on a hunt and he was successful he killed a couple

01:01:13.300 of pigs in three or four days and he loved it i thought he loved it uh but he didn't you know and

01:01:19.600 And I said, like, he was having fun. 0.68

01:01:23.200 It wasn't like he was miserable.

01:01:24.240 Like, he was fine.

01:01:25.540 But I said, hey, bud, like, we're going to go hunting again next year.

01:01:28.000 Do you want to go?

01:01:28.480 And he's like, no.

01:01:30.000 I was like, wait, what? 0.99

01:01:32.060 It's like foreign me. 0.98

01:01:33.240 I'm like, well, you don't want to go hunting?

01:01:34.500 And he said, no, I don't like being cold.

01:01:37.180 I don't like being tired.

01:01:38.660 And I don't like being bored.

01:01:39.900 I'm like, yeah, it was like pretty legitimate reasons not to hunt.

01:01:44.040 That's a legitimate argument.

01:01:45.400 That's the list of hunting.

01:01:47.560 Yeah.

01:01:47.920 and uh i don't make him go hunting with me like why would i don't need you to go hunting with me

01:01:53.580 yeah so i go hunting with my other kids and i always invite them by the way i always invite

01:01:58.560 them and i say hey bud like you're welcome to come i know last time you said you didn't want

01:02:02.820 to go but you're we would love to have you there nope dad i'm good okay that's fine but if we're

01:02:09.000 gonna go on a camp out i'm like no bro we're going like you're coming with us bring your

01:02:13.440 notepad bring that family whatever you want to bring to make it more enjoyable for you if you

01:02:17.580 want to draw if you want to paint if you want to you know look at card like there's things that you

01:02:23.120 can do that will make this more enjoyable for you but we are going to do this thing so i think there

01:02:28.260 is a middle ground for sure yeah yeah absolutely well here's we have a another thing that we're

01:02:35.640 doing that we want to invite you guys to and that's november 18th that's next month 8 p.m eastern

01:02:41.660 time is the next scheduled war room um ryan i don't know if you have a topic for that yet but

01:02:47.840 to learn more order of man.com slash war room november 18th at 8 p.m yeah we don't we don't

01:02:53.440 have something set up right now but we've done these three times now and i think i think i'd

01:02:59.600 have to look at the numbers kip when you did yours not for this month but in the month of september

01:03:04.640 you might hold the record for the most amount of attendees it pains me to admit that but you i

01:03:10.900 think you do hold the record. Well, it was so bad that people now, when they hear about war room,

01:03:17.440 they don't come. So you could look at it multiple ways. Well, I was going to say you, you hold the

01:03:22.360 record for the most amount of attendees at the beginning and the least amount of attendees at

01:03:26.040 the end. There you go. That's not true by the way, but anyways, yeah, we're, we're, we do these

01:03:34.240 every month and I just, I think it's fun. I enjoy it. There's, there's nothing else than I think

01:03:39.080 it's fun it's a great way for a hundred men to get together to communicate to talk to address

01:03:45.980 important issues to ask questions of each other and yeah we have an agenda but i've even thought

01:03:50.940 about doing a war room maybe the end of december where there's no agenda and we just talk and

01:03:57.340 converse and have conversations because at this point where else do you go i mean i talk with men

01:04:03.540 every single day who are so lonely so destitute so focused on their stuff so inundated with the

01:04:09.540 responsibilities that it's all about everything else and never about you and it i get that as a

01:04:16.900 man it's even hard it's a hard pill to swallow to say well i'd like some personal time it is

01:04:21.840 and it's actually kind of noble that's the challenge daryl partridge years ago called it

01:04:28.360 a noble obstacle it's noble i'm pouring into everybody else but it's an obstacle in that

01:04:35.260 you're hindering yourself and by the way you're hindering yourself or your your people long term

01:04:39.400 as well so i would definitely encourage you to to just it's free i mean take a wednesday night

01:04:45.540 come hang out with us for an hour and i'm a stickler on time so i'll get you out of there

01:04:50.480 an hour and we'll have a good time and learn about some things and enjoy enjoy each other's

01:04:55.600 company and learn how to be a better man so check it out order a man.com slash war room anything

01:05:00.480 else kip nope just the typical call to action uh you guys can connect and follow mr mickler on x

01:05:09.560 and instagram at ryan mickler i think that's all we got well guys we'll be back on friday i've got

01:05:17.380 a couple of hunts so i'll be kind of sporadic but we'll be here for these podcasts but until

01:05:21.400 then, go out there, take action and become a man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to

01:05:27.440 the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

01:05:32.260 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - October 21, 2026

Protecting Without Steamrolling, Envy of Success, and Becoming a Grandfather ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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