Order of Man - What You Do Is Who You Are

00:00:00.000 I think too often we think it has to be big, grand, elaborate things

00:00:03.700 and we need to hit home runs all the time and the home runs will come.

00:00:07.440 You know, in business, for example, you'll land that big client.

00:00:10.560 But did you make enough calls to land a client every single day?

00:00:14.520 You'll get the promotion eventually.

00:00:16.420 But did you do the things that will inevitably lead to the promotion

00:00:19.520 that seems small and simple that too many people often overlook?

00:00:23.560 Be the kind of person that you have a desire to be down the road

00:00:27.060 and you will realize and manifest that.

00:00:30.000 Man, I've got kind of a short one for you today.

00:00:33.680 I just got back from Alaska a couple of days ago.

00:00:37.000 And as I was thinking about our Alaskan trip where we fished

00:00:40.880 and enjoyed each other's company and did something that I've always wanted to do,

00:00:44.880 I couldn't help but think about other adventures that I've been able to participate in

00:00:49.040 and go on from hunting in Africa to Hawaii and Minnesota and Texas

00:00:54.820 and a Maine moose hunt and just about everywhere in between,

00:00:58.560 traveling to Costa Rica and going to Scotland several years ago and England.

00:01:03.120 And it's been pretty amazing.

00:01:05.240 And I don't tell you that to brag.

00:01:07.500 I tell you that because there are things that I've always wanted to do in my life.

00:01:12.380 And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I couldn't create the life that I desired,

00:01:17.240 the life that I wanted, why it felt like I was treading water

00:01:20.680 or in a cartoon spinning my legs as fast as I could go and getting nowhere.

00:01:26.100 And what I've realized over the past 10 years of doing this

00:01:29.520 and throughout my entire life is that we are always a product of what we do.

00:01:35.520 And that is a product of what we believe ourselves to be.

00:01:39.560 So I want to just share a quick message with you today,

00:01:42.500 one of optimism and hope and encouragement.

00:01:44.980 I realize that when maybe you're getting started in life,

00:01:48.660 it's hard to gain any traction.

00:01:52.360 I also know that in many points throughout our lives,

00:01:55.020 it feels like maybe we should be further along the path than we are.

00:01:58.600 Or maybe you're starting over.

00:02:00.460 Maybe you dealt with a crippling medical condition.

00:02:03.880 I have friends who have been in horrific car accidents, for example,

00:02:07.820 and have lost strength and lost the ability to use their legs

00:02:12.120 and really gone through some severe health challenges

00:02:17.240 that have come out better than when they went into it.

00:02:21.380 Maybe it's a divorce and you feel like after 15 years of marriage

00:02:25.060 that as it closes, that chapter closes on you,

00:02:29.300 that you'll never be able to have that type of love again

00:02:33.260 or feel the way that you did.

00:02:35.100 Maybe it's a bankruptcy or financial issues

00:02:38.740 where you're up to your eyeballs in debt

00:02:40.760 and creditors are beating down your door

00:02:42.540 and you've declared bankruptcy

00:02:44.160 and you feel like at 40 years old

00:02:46.320 or whatever your age is

00:02:47.720 that you're now just starting over financially

00:02:49.600 when you feel like you should be out ahead of it.

00:02:53.300 I understand.

00:02:54.160 I've been in situations like these throughout my life

00:02:57.160 and I get that it's hard and challenging and frustrating

00:03:01.040 when you feel like you should be further along the path

00:03:05.020 than you are.

00:03:05.920 But one thing that I've noticed

00:03:07.160 that really keeps a lot of men back

00:03:09.540 from doing what they want to do

00:03:11.260 is this imposter syndrome.

00:03:15.140 This idea that they're not worthy of something great,

00:03:18.420 that they're not that kind of person

00:03:20.360 or they don't deserve whatever it is they desire.

00:03:25.020 And men get hung up in this paralysis

00:03:27.440 because they don't think they are that kind of person.

00:03:31.060 And what I want to tell you is, again,

00:03:32.600 you are what you do.

00:03:34.560 There's a great quote by Aristotle that says,

00:03:36.720 we are what we repeatedly do.

00:03:38.660 Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

00:03:42.260 So for example, if you said to me,

00:03:43.960 hey, Ryan, I really want to be a podcaster.

00:03:46.420 Well, podcasters, podcast.

00:03:48.660 If you said to me, I want to be a runner,

00:03:51.000 I want to run a marathon.

00:03:52.040 Well, what do marathon runners do?

00:03:53.560 They run.

00:03:54.620 Or I want to write a book.

00:03:56.080 What do authors do?

00:03:57.100 They write.

00:03:57.680 Guys, don't get so hung up in these aspirations

00:04:01.020 of what you want at some future date.

00:04:03.320 Just do that now and be that kind of person now.

00:04:06.540 So how might this apply in a real practical,

00:04:09.160 pragmatic approach to your life?

00:04:10.880 Let's break it down into four key areas of life.

00:04:13.500 So the first one is what I call calibration.

00:04:16.420 Calibration is your mental and emotional health

00:04:20.300 and spiritual health as well.

00:04:22.080 It's calibrating to a higher power.

00:04:24.520 It's calibrating to your own goals and desires

00:04:27.700 and dreams and ambitions,

00:04:28.900 the things that you think,

00:04:30.000 the feelings that you have.

00:04:31.660 It's knowing what you want.

00:04:33.440 It's feeling comfortable in your skin

00:04:35.400 with the idea that you are going to evolve

00:04:38.020 and grow and get better.

00:04:40.340 Hopefully that is the goal.

00:04:42.020 But when it comes to calibration,

00:04:44.020 what I want and what I think a lot of men want

00:04:46.560 is a sense of pride,

00:04:48.820 a sense of satisfaction,

00:04:50.460 a sense of purpose and fulfillment in life,

00:04:52.920 even a sense of meaning.

00:04:54.980 That your life actually means something,

00:04:57.060 that you're on this planet for a reason,

00:04:58.880 that as a father or a husband and a business owner

00:05:01.300 and a community leader and a coach

00:05:02.920 and a mentor and a friend,

00:05:04.660 that your life has legitimacy to it.

00:05:08.540 You're not just this breathing, living meat sack,

00:05:11.960 but that there's something so much deeper inside of you

00:05:14.620 that you are supposed to do,

00:05:16.280 that you're meant to do,

00:05:17.320 that you can make yourself capable of doing.

00:05:20.040 You have to get right first with the calibration,

00:05:23.100 with the mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

00:05:27.100 So when it comes to you being this kind of man,

00:05:31.700 what might that look like?

00:05:33.020 Well, it looks like believing in a higher power,

00:05:36.520 going to church, reading scriptures,

00:05:38.600 reading great books, taking courses,

00:05:41.420 meditation, pondering, reflecting, visualization.

00:05:44.880 And what I want you to do is I want you to take

00:05:47.360 one or two of those things

00:05:48.460 and I want you to infuse those into your day,

00:05:50.660 not with any sort of grand ambition

00:05:52.980 about what it should be over time,

00:05:55.240 because that tends to, at times,

00:05:57.500 paralyze us because of the gap,

00:06:00.020 the gap between what we want in our lives

00:06:02.500 and where we currently are.

00:06:04.420 There's a great book called The Gap and the Gain.

00:06:06.400 And in that book, they talk about the distance

00:06:08.280 that we're always chasing,

00:06:09.580 something bigger, better, greater, grander.

00:06:12.440 And I don't think there's anything

00:06:13.980 inherently wrong with that.

00:06:15.520 In fact, I would argue that you probably

00:06:18.060 ought to have some sort of noble ambitions to pursue.

00:06:21.800 But if you can't be present and not content with,

00:06:26.900 but satisfied with who you are

00:06:29.740 and balanced with who you want to be,

00:06:32.300 you're going to live a very painful, difficult life

00:06:35.400 because you will never be enough.

00:06:37.700 And I'm not telling you not to be aspirational.

00:06:40.620 I'm not telling you not to have goals.

00:06:42.060 But what I'm saying is that

00:06:43.480 if you are doing things in the moment,

00:06:46.040 then that's the kind of man that you are.

00:06:49.040 So if you're reading scripture and you're praying to God,

00:06:52.020 then you're a God-fearing man.

00:06:54.840 If you're visualizing on a daily basis

00:06:57.080 and pondering and reflecting and thinking

00:06:59.060 about what you want your life to be,

00:07:00.960 then you are a visionary.

00:07:03.740 If you're tapped into your purpose

00:07:06.360 and your reason for being on this planet

00:07:09.840 and today, even though you might not ultimately

00:07:12.040 be the kind of man that you desire in the long run,

00:07:14.660 but today you win today by opening the door

00:07:17.360 and holding it for somebody

00:07:18.500 or pulling over when you see a car

00:07:20.780 that's broken down on the side of the road

00:07:22.300 and changing their tire

00:07:23.380 or filling up their gas tank

00:07:26.740 or volunteering to give back to your community,

00:07:30.040 then you are a man who is valuable and contributes

00:07:33.240 because you are what you do.

00:07:36.040 I think it's too often,

00:07:37.080 we think it has to be big, grand, elaborate things

00:07:39.560 and we need to hit home runs all the time

00:07:41.360 and the home runs will come.

00:07:43.340 You know, in business, for example,

00:07:44.500 you'll land that big client,

00:07:46.220 but did you make enough calls

00:07:47.700 to land a client every single day?

00:07:50.480 You'll get the promotion eventually,

00:07:52.500 but did you do the things

00:07:53.520 that will inevitably lead to the promotion

00:07:55.380 that seems small and simple

00:07:56.700 that too many people often overlook?

00:07:59.420 Be the kind of person

00:08:00.560 that you have a desire to be down the road

00:08:02.940 and you will realize and manifest that.

00:08:05.540 Now let's talk about connection.

00:08:07.040 These are your relationships.

00:08:08.760 It's the relationship you have

00:08:09.980 with your wife or significant other.

00:08:11.740 It's the relationship you have with your kids

00:08:13.740 and your friends and your colleagues,

00:08:15.640 coworkers, neighbors, community members,

00:08:18.020 constituents, clients, employees, employers, et cetera.

00:08:22.800 What kind of man do you want to be with them?

00:08:24.880 Now, obviously you want a man,

00:08:26.140 if we're talking about in the business realm,

00:08:27.540 who gets a promotion.

00:08:28.900 Okay, what do those men do?

00:08:31.020 Well, they're helpful around the office.

00:08:33.300 They're team players.

00:08:34.500 They're innovative.

00:08:35.760 They're diligent.

00:08:36.780 They get there on time.

00:08:37.840 They show up.

00:08:38.420 They work hard.

00:08:39.140 They keep their head down.

00:08:40.540 They offer feedback and suggestions.

00:08:43.480 They book clients.

00:08:45.100 They make sales.

00:08:46.480 They help the team.

00:08:47.560 They do the small little things.

00:08:49.320 Might even be something as simple

00:08:50.760 as walking down the hallway at your office

00:08:53.200 and seeing a piece of trash

00:08:54.480 and being the guy who's known to pick up trash

00:08:56.320 as you walk by.

00:08:57.620 Is the environment that you are in better

00:09:00.080 because you are there?

00:09:01.980 Are you making people's lives better?

00:09:03.760 What kind of father do you want to be?

00:09:05.380 Do you want to be engaged and present and available?

00:09:07.840 Or are you always distant and emotionally distant

00:09:10.600 and unavailable for your children?

00:09:12.760 What kind of husband do you envision yourself being?

00:09:16.200 And what does that husband do?

00:09:17.880 Well, he probably wakes up on time.

00:09:19.800 He probably loves his wife

00:09:22.600 the way that she wants to be loved.

00:09:24.620 He probably serves her and his family.

00:09:27.960 He probably takes her feelings

00:09:29.520 and opinions into consideration.

00:09:32.420 He probably leads her well

00:09:34.380 by bringing clarity and structure

00:09:37.040 into the relationship,

00:09:39.040 letting her know that she's worthy of being loved,

00:09:41.600 that she is loved

00:09:42.520 and that he is going to lead her

00:09:44.860 and their family into good places,

00:09:47.720 places that she maybe could not have imagined

00:09:49.500 going on her own.

00:09:50.960 Are you doing those things every single day?

00:09:54.060 Are you telling her you love her

00:09:55.800 in a way that's meaningful and significant to her?

00:09:58.800 Are you diligently working hard for the family

00:10:02.200 and following through on your word

00:10:03.480 to be home when you say you will?

00:10:05.340 Are you taking care of the projects around the house

00:10:07.640 that she's asked you to do

00:10:08.740 or you know she would appreciate if you did?

00:10:11.320 If you're doing these things,

00:10:12.420 then you are indeed a good husband.

00:10:14.180 Even if you've fallen short,

00:10:15.640 as many of us, all of us have and will,

00:10:18.800 if you're doing those things,

00:10:19.960 then in the moment, you're a good husband

00:10:21.560 and you will realize the goals

00:10:23.480 and dreams and desires that you have.

00:10:26.160 Let's talk about the third realm.

00:10:27.440 The third realm, excuse me, is condition.

00:10:29.740 Okay, so condition is your physical health.

00:10:32.080 And so you might say,

00:10:32.900 well, Ryan, you know,

00:10:33.740 my vision is for me to be a big, strong,

00:10:36.140 strong, capable, lean, healthy man.

00:10:40.100 Great, noble, righteous, important, wonderful.

00:10:43.960 But we're only looking forward

00:10:45.480 so that we can reverse engineer the process

00:10:47.640 into the kind of men that we're gonna be today.

00:10:49.540 So what does that look like?

00:10:50.840 Well, that kind of man goes to the gym.

00:10:53.140 He gets up early.

00:10:54.520 He trains every day.

00:10:55.700 He doesn't stuff his face with garbage.

00:10:57.860 He puts good fuel into his body.

00:11:00.800 He eats enough protein.

00:11:02.240 He keeps away from the processed sugars

00:11:04.200 and the junk food.

00:11:05.620 And he's diligent about how much he's eating.

00:11:07.700 He probably tracks his food.

00:11:09.720 He gets the proper recovery and sleep that he needs.

00:11:12.500 He's training correctly for his goals and desires.

00:11:15.580 For example, if he wants to be big and strong,

00:11:17.560 then he has to be on a strength training program.

00:11:20.160 If he wants to be lean and ripped,

00:11:21.540 he probably is on something like a HIIT workout.

00:11:24.460 If he wants to run a marathon or endurance events,

00:11:27.080 then he's probably training and running

00:11:29.180 and building his legs and his cardio.

00:11:31.700 So you're gonna train appropriately

00:11:34.420 based on what you want to accomplish.

00:11:36.160 And by the way, guys,

00:11:37.400 as I'm talking with you about these things,

00:11:39.240 yes, we're talking about these aspirational goals,

00:11:41.500 but we're reverse engineering back

00:11:43.120 into what we do on a daily basis.

00:11:46.740 So I hope that you're taking notes

00:11:48.480 and I hope that as I'm sharing these things with you,

00:11:51.340 you're writing them down

00:11:52.160 based on what you want to accomplish.

00:11:54.640 Do you wanna run a marathon?

00:11:56.000 Okay, what would a marathon runner do today?

00:11:58.540 He would eat properly and he would train his legs

00:12:01.380 and he would build his cardio.

00:12:02.900 That's what he would do.

00:12:03.840 Is that what you're doing?

00:12:04.860 And if you are, then you're a runner.

00:12:07.220 All right, number four, the last one here is contribution.

00:12:10.420 So when I say contribution,

00:12:11.560 I'm talking about being a man of value.

00:12:14.300 This relates to finances.

00:12:16.360 This relates to your career.

00:12:18.300 This relates to service within the community

00:12:21.160 or an organization that you believe in.

00:12:23.440 It's being valuable as a man.

00:12:25.740 And what do valuable men do?

00:12:28.400 They study, they learn, they invest,

00:12:32.680 they deploy their resources.

00:12:34.440 They offer insight and feedback and guidance

00:12:36.740 and direction to other people.

00:12:39.140 They develop new skills that are marketable,

00:12:42.400 that they can go out and sell products and services

00:12:45.000 and offerings to other individuals to create more capital

00:12:48.280 to then deploy and do over and over and over again.

00:12:51.960 Are you a contributor?

00:12:52.880 Are you a man who adds value into the situations

00:12:55.940 that you find yourself in?

00:12:57.440 Think about what that would look like.

00:12:58.720 Do you wanna do more community service?

00:13:01.000 Great, what do those people do?

00:13:02.720 Find an organization, go sit on a board,

00:13:05.780 go to the food bank and help those individuals

00:13:09.400 with donations or help with manpower

00:13:13.020 if you don't have the financial resources.

00:13:15.660 There's all sorts of things that you can do,

00:13:17.340 but you just have to figure out what it is

00:13:18.600 and actually do it consistently and religiously.

00:13:21.580 It's not enough to do these things once.

00:13:23.920 Again, Aristotle says we are what we repeatedly do.

00:13:27.680 So this is not about doing these things one time

00:13:30.180 and then never doing it again and thinking,

00:13:32.140 oh, I checked my good man list today.

00:13:34.840 No, you gotta do it every single day

00:13:36.920 and you will inevitably achieve outcomes within your career.

00:13:40.980 Are you getting promotions?

00:13:42.520 Are you being valuable?

00:13:43.840 Are you sharing insight?

00:13:44.960 Are you a team player?

00:13:46.140 When it comes to your finances,

00:13:47.400 are you tracking your income and expenses?

00:13:49.320 Are you paying down your debt?

00:13:51.280 Are you making smart and prudent, wise financial decisions?

00:13:54.620 Or are you making dumb, poor financial decisions?

00:13:57.740 These are all things that you need to consider,

00:13:59.920 but don't let this aspirational side of things,

00:14:04.920 especially in the self-development space,

00:14:06.780 so many of us are so fixated and consumed

00:14:09.860 with what the future holds.

00:14:11.500 In the future, I wanna be this.

00:14:13.220 In the future, I wanna do that.

00:14:14.780 In the future, I wanna accomplish these things.

00:14:16.900 That's all fine and great,

00:14:19.000 but until you can work backwards into what you do today,

00:14:22.180 you will never, never achieve what you want.

00:14:26.700 It'll always be elusive

00:14:27.940 and you'll always sit here wondering

00:14:29.580 why you're not getting what you want

00:14:31.840 and why success in any of these areas that I talked about

00:14:35.460 continues to be so elusive and mysterious for you.

00:14:39.120 It's because you're not working back

00:14:40.800 into what you're doing right now.

00:14:42.480 So, if you are on the path and you feel like you're on the path,

00:14:46.840 but you haven't achieved those results yet,

00:14:49.420 have hope, take heart.

00:14:51.640 It's working.

00:14:52.580 It just takes time.

00:14:54.100 And sometimes the movement is so small

00:14:56.100 that we don't even see or feel or acknowledge it.

00:14:58.820 And sometimes we take big jumps because things happen

00:15:01.980 or things are aligned or things are just working perfectly.

00:15:04.780 And I'll take those any day of the week,

00:15:06.640 but more important than that is I'm going to take small victories

00:15:11.500 every single day.

00:15:12.800 I'm going to honor them.

00:15:13.960 I'm going to celebrate them.

00:15:15.400 I'm not going to over-index them

00:15:16.920 and think that just because I happened to make my bed this morning

00:15:19.300 that I'm going to be God's gift

00:15:22.780 to whatever my aspirational goals are.

00:15:25.280 I'm not saying that by any means,

00:15:26.860 but I can celebrate that I'm an organized person

00:15:29.980 or that I'm a dedicated person

00:15:31.960 or I'm a structured person

00:15:33.320 or I got out of bed on time

00:15:34.980 or I did a workout today

00:15:36.280 or I didn't stuff my face full of disgusting food

00:15:40.820 that's antithetical to what I'm trying to accomplish.

00:15:43.780 Celebrate those small wins

00:15:44.860 and know that if you're doing the thing,

00:15:46.840 even in the micro, even today,

00:15:48.900 then you are the thing.

00:15:50.800 If you are running, you're a runner.

00:15:52.680 If you're being a good dad, you are a good dad.

00:15:55.720 If you're showing up powerfully for your wife,

00:15:58.560 then you are a good husband.

00:15:59.940 If you're at work and you kicked ass at work today

00:16:01.940 and you made all your calls

00:16:02.900 and accomplished all your to-do list,

00:16:04.320 then you are a great fill-in-the-blank

00:16:06.700 with your job title.

00:16:08.620 Take heart, have hope, keep your head down,

00:16:11.320 keep working, and know that if you're doing

00:16:13.160 the right things, those results will inevitably come.

00:16:16.160 It's not a question of if, it's a question of when.

00:16:19.220 The only other thing I would say

00:16:20.740 is there are ways to speed up the process

00:16:22.920 and I don't want you to overlook that.

00:16:25.040 We don't need to bang our heads against the wall

00:16:26.800 and do things harder than they need to be done

00:16:28.660 just for the sake of being tough or gritty

00:16:30.980 or resilient or disciplined.

00:16:32.240 Make it easy.

00:16:33.700 One of those things you can do is hire a coach.

00:16:36.700 Another thing you can do is look around your circle

00:16:38.700 and see who's accomplishing what you want to accomplish

00:16:41.300 and asking them to help.

00:16:43.340 Listen to podcasts, read good books,

00:16:45.360 sign up for emails, go to conferences,

00:16:47.620 join masterminds.

00:16:48.680 We have a lot of great resources available to you

00:16:51.200 on orderofman.com.

00:16:53.200 You can check out our events.

00:16:54.820 You can check out our exclusive brotherhood,

00:16:56.860 the Iron Council.

00:16:57.680 You can check out individual coaching.

00:16:59.520 It's all right there for you

00:17:00.880 and it's all available to expedite the results

00:17:04.100 that you desire.

00:17:04.940 But again, it comes down to you

00:17:06.320 and what you're going to do on a daily basis,

00:17:08.640 consistently over long and sustained periods of time.

00:17:11.620 You will be a success.

00:17:12.860 I know you will if you do those things.

00:17:14.900 All right, guys.

00:17:15.680 I hope you have a great weekend.

00:17:16.780 We will be back next week.

00:17:18.120 Until then, go out there, take action

00:17:19.580 and become the man you are meant to be.

00:17:26.520 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:17:29.480 You're ready to take charge of your life

00:17:31.120 and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:17:33.520 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 18, 2025

What You Do Is Who You Are ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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