Order of Man - Why Culture Loves to Hate Men ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 How can you be a gentle man if you're not capable of being a violent man?

00:00:05.780 Of course you can't. If you say to your boys, hey, you need to stop being so competitive,

00:00:11.320 well, then you're disincentivizing innovation and growth and progress. You're just basically

00:00:16.500 neutering him. And then the same women who want to neuter those men will say, well, 0.82

00:00:20.800 where have all the real men gone? You neutered the real men. And you did it because there was

00:00:25.360 a bunch of screeching feminists who told you that that was the right thing to do. 1.00

00:00:31.600 Let's talk about the distinction today between two terms that are very important for us to know. 1.00

00:00:37.660 One is misogyny. That's a word that lives in every modern day cultural ideological conversation.

00:00:46.300 And the other, which is misandry, which is one that you don't often hear about. In fact,

00:00:52.080 there might be many of you who don't even know what that word means. It's important that we talk

00:00:57.580 about the distinction between phrases, words. Words actually have meaning. I had a conversation

00:01:05.540 just last, I was going to say a conversation, a debate, we'll call it, and that's saying it

00:01:12.640 graciously on social media with a gentleman who wanted to chastise me because I didn't use the

00:01:19.540 proper language of the lindsey lindsey clancy trial and i said that she had pled not guilty

00:01:25.660 by reason of insanity and he was quick to inform me that either she did not plead that she pleaded

00:01:32.400 not guilty or if i remember correctly and i think by the state of massachusetts they define it as

00:01:38.480 not guilty by reason of uh not criminally responsible and he was very quick to chastise

00:01:46.440 me and use that verbiage. And we went back and forth a little bit. And I think he was,

00:01:50.620 if I do say so myself, a little intellectually outclassed, but he had said that words have

00:01:57.880 meaning. Definitions are important. And I said, that's absolutely true. Can you define what is a

00:02:03.060 woman? He either could not or chose not to define that word for me. I think there's an ideological

00:02:10.800 component of this where people want to co-opt words and make them mean something that they're

00:02:17.560 not. And frankly, I'm just not interested in that. I actually want to have real discussions,

00:02:22.860 which means that we need to have real definitions of the words that we're using. So let's break

00:02:28.660 down these two terms. We have misogyny, which everybody has heard of, the hatred of women. 1.00

00:02:35.060 and then we have misandry which is alternatively the hatred of women. Now before I get into the

00:02:42.500 discussion today I want to let you know that I don't affiliate with either side. I'm not a man

00:02:47.840 who hates women as a class. In fact I love many women because of the value that they add to my 0.97

00:02:55.040 life and I go on a case-by-case basis. I don't largely attribute certain characteristics to

00:03:01.820 women, certain characteristics I do, the same way I would attribute certain characteristics to men.

00:03:07.480 We'll talk about that. But I don't take one bad example or one bad apple and apply it broadly

00:03:15.020 against all women. But that is not true of men. In the same post that I had made last week,

00:03:22.300 there was plenty of women who were there to inform me how horrible men are. Men are pigs, 1.00

00:03:27.280 Men are violent. Men are this. Men are that. And more than willing to categorize all men through their assumption of the behavior of one. So let's talk about these actual words and maybe come at this from an intellectual perspective instead of just screeching at each other and making ad hominem attacks and not having some sort of intelligent discussion. 1.00

00:03:54.280 So let's talk about misogyny. And then alternatively, let's talk about misandry. Now, you can hear that both of them have the same root word, which is mis or misos in Greek. And that word means or misos means hatred. So hatred, hostility, hate towards a group or a certain people. But misos means hate.

00:04:22.580 Now, misogyny will pair with the root word gyne, meaning woman.

00:04:29.340 That's where the word gynecologist comes from.

00:04:33.120 So that means woman. 0.98

00:04:34.420 So misogyny means hatred of women.

00:04:38.540 Alternatively, and this is the one you don't ever hear about, is misandry.

00:04:42.220 That pairs with the root word andros, which means man.

00:04:46.900 It's the same as android or andrology or androgen, which is basically a collection of the hormones

00:04:58.220 that determine a man's biological makeup. So these actually have meanings, believe it or not. Words

00:05:05.360 have meanings. Shocker, right? And that's why we might have something like androgynous. So you

00:05:11.980 combine man, andros, misogynist, or excuse me, androgynous with gain, which means woman. And

00:05:23.060 that means that it's neither or it's both man and woman. And if it's both things, then it's neither 0.60

00:05:27.860 fully man nor woman. That's why we would use that word. So it's really important that we actually 0.99

00:05:32.740 look at the etymology of words, because this is what helps us discuss conversations intelligently.

00:05:42.860 Okay, but the real question at this is, why does a man who says, for example, I feel hated simply

00:05:53.160 for being a man, sound absurd to people, while the reverse doesn't sound true for most people.

00:06:04.260 I think that if a woman were to say that she feels hated as a class, or she feels hated

00:06:17.660 systematically or systemically, as people might say, that that's not really true. It's really

00:06:25.480 more for women state of being versus men. It's something ingrained into our culture at this

00:06:32.540 point. Okay. And I think that's really, really important when we're talking about misogyny or

00:06:39.080 misandry. Okay, where misogyny reflects this structural power, for example, patriarchy,

00:06:49.340 and you'll hear that all the time, like the patriarchy is horrible, they're violent,

00:06:53.820 they're oppressive, the systematic oppression of certain classes like women, everything around

00:07:00.240 hating men, the conversation is all built around this structural, external power, working in

00:07:08.240 congruity to dismiss other racial classes and women, while misandry gets dismissed as just

00:07:19.060 an individual attitude. So if a woman says, well, I hate men, society would say, yeah, I get that. 0.80

00:07:25.020 I understand that. Or yeah, you have every right to believe that because you've been subjected 0.97

00:07:30.520 either personally or categorically by men. But it's also systematic. And that's what we fail

00:07:38.220 to overlook. I mean, take a look at the feminist movement and the attitudes towards the way that 1.00

00:07:43.420 feminism has moved our culture from believing that men are great and do good things. They also

00:07:50.440 have the power to do horrible things. And the same is true of women. Again, in this Lindsay 1.00

00:07:55.880 Clancy case, I can't tell you how often I heard comments, and this thing has gone somewhat viral,

00:08:01.180 the post that I made, where women had made the claim that men are far more likely to kill their

00:08:08.400 children than women are. Well, that's just categorically false, and I'll tell you why.

00:08:14.720 If you factor into the equation, and I believe this is murder, taking the life of a baby who

00:08:20.480 is still in the womb, then that is a hundred percent. Millions upon millions upon millions

00:08:26.720 of babies have been murdered by women. So you can't really just say that men kill more babies

00:08:33.620 than women do because it's just not true. And again, I'm not trying to pit men and women against

00:08:38.880 each other. I'm just trying to bring the honest reality of the conversation, which I think far

00:08:44.380 too few people are willing to have. So again, misogyny, the hatred of women, for example,

00:08:52.420 is often framed as systematic. And misandry is just personal. It's personally reactive.

00:09:00.180 It's not backed by any history. It's not backed by any, at least in the doctrine of popular culture,

00:09:05.780 the common narrative. It's not backed by any data that would support that. But that framing really

00:09:12.180 deserves some scrutiny rather than something that we just automatically accept. Okay, the structural

00:09:18.940 powers at play are a real force. I'll acknowledge that. And the experiences of contempt towards

00:09:27.800 certain individuals are real, but they aren't the same measurement. And conflating those two

00:09:36.620 erases the real harm. And there's a male experience that all of us know of as men that need to be

00:09:44.440 brought to the forefront of the conversation. And so I pulled up some statistics and I want you to

00:09:49.780 check this out as I go through this. So number one, there's the custody bias. Okay. Fathers who

00:09:56.680 actually fight for custody when joint or even sole custody roughly just under 70% of the time.

00:10:10.120 Okay. So that's a problem is that 70% of the time we either win, excuse me, let me rephrase that.

00:10:18.700 we lose joint custody 50 to 70% of the time. Okay, what that means is that 50 to 70% of the time,

00:10:28.360 women will either achieve joint or sole custody of their children. Okay, but the problem, part of

00:10:36.540 the problem here, and I want to be really honest about this, is that fewer than 4% of men even

00:10:41.180 attempt to fight for their children. Now, we can debate about what that is, fatherhood abandonment,

00:10:48.700 I would say is probably a real issue. And I would also say just a, um, a byproduct of feeling like

00:10:55.780 the odds are stacked against us. And the reality is, and the data shows that it is, it is. Okay.

00:11:01.920 But the real story isn't just courtroom bias alone. It's that discouragement before the fight

00:11:09.940 even starts. Like we feel like we're outmatched. And if you feel like you're outmatched, many men

00:11:16.060 aren't even going to engage in the fight. Okay, now you have this other scenario, false accusation,

00:11:22.840 and there's a stigma behind this. Now, credible research says and puts false reports at roughly

00:11:29.440 just under 10%, which I think is small in number, 10%. It doesn't sound like a lot,

00:11:37.240 but it's devastating in impact. It's devastating that 10% of the men, if we're using this data,

00:11:46.060 are falsely accused of violent and sexual crime

00:11:50.400 because it puts a whole stigma around men

00:11:53.800 and it also puts a stigma around,

00:11:56.920 from men's perspective, women.

00:11:58.960 So the real victims don't get heard 1.00

00:12:00.720 because there's 10% of women 1.00

00:12:02.260 just randomly making shit up 1.00

00:12:04.700 so they can avoid the consequences 0.99

00:12:06.860 of their own poor decision-making process.

00:12:09.900 Okay, the low frequency, like I said, 10%,

00:12:12.580 doesn't erase the reputational damage, the psychological toll on the men who happen to

00:12:22.060 be victims of false allegations. Okay. And then the next thing you have is you have workplace

00:12:28.880 disposability. The male labor force participation dropped from roughly 77% in 1976 to just under

00:12:39.820 67% today. Now you might say, well, what's wrong with that? That's a good thing. More women are on

00:12:46.600 the workforce. And I would say, you know, if a woman wants to make that choice, all the power 1.00

00:12:51.100 to her. But if she's neglecting the opportunity to stay at home and raise her children or economic

00:12:57.040 circumstances don't allow that to be the case, or we're losing jobs in sectors where men are 0.96

00:13:05.180 predominantly responsible for those jobs. So you might say building, firefighting, law enforcement, 0.82

00:13:16.540 military. These are all, and there's plenty more, all historically male-dominated industries.

00:13:23.680 If those continue to decline, and I don't really care what you feel about this, the reality is,

00:13:29.600 is that men are more suited to do certain jobs and women are more suited to do others.

00:13:34.460 Jordan Peterson often represents and references studies that suggest that men are naturally more object-driven, meaning we're more interested in things, where women are more interested in people.

00:13:49.720 So it's no surprise to me that, for example, roughly 70 plus percent of school teachers are women. Why? Because they're more interested in people versus you take STEM, science, technology, engineering, and math, and it's predominantly driven by men because we're more driven to be interested in things as opposed to people.

00:14:14.840 So if that continues to go the way it goes, we cannot continue to pretend that men and women are the same or we're just as aptitude in certain aspects of life than others.

00:14:26.520 And it's going to become a real problem.

00:14:28.700 So, Kate, now, if you want to take one other scenario that I think is probably loosely tied, it's this culture where I wouldn't say promotes necessarily, but doesn't really address the male suicide epidemic.

00:14:49.840 Study after study shows that four times more often than women, men kill themselves.

00:14:56.040 80% of all suicides are male-driven. And that might not be directly related to the stigma of

00:15:04.880 hatred towards men, but the stigma of valuing women's health over men's health. The Lindsay

00:15:13.520 Clancy case is a perfect example of this. Where you have a woman who allegedly, I have to say that,

00:15:20.000 murdered her children, and all reports indicate that she did, there's an outpouring of growth

00:15:26.980 and support and encouragement and love towards the woman who's suffering from postpartum.

00:15:34.960 But if you take other men, and women will often cite these cases where men are responsible for

00:15:40.960 killing their children, there's not nearly the same level of empathy, let's say, towards the

00:15:47.960 men who might be suffering from their own sense of mental illness. And why is that? Well, misogyny

00:15:55.160 versus misandry. Men are just hated in society more than women are. It's just the reality of it. 0.98

00:16:03.080 And I think it's important that we talk about it. Now, I want to be careful of this competing

00:16:09.760 victimhood trap because I refuse to let any hatred go unnamed just because it's maybe more

00:16:19.960 institutionally or societally clean and tidy and organized. Okay. This isn't about crowning men,

00:16:27.280 the new oppressed class. That's what these fucking losers who are red pill and incels do. 1.00

00:16:32.720 They whine about how women are the enemy and women are out to get them. And I never met a man 1.00

00:16:37.840 in my life who I admired, who painted himself into the victimhood corner. Okay. That's not what

00:16:44.480 I'm trying to do. What I'm trying to do is show you that men and women, again, are not at odds

00:16:50.160 with each other. We're actually very complimentary. And it's so important that we discuss this.

00:16:55.160 So no, women are not the enemy. Now there are some feminine ideological 1.00

00:17:02.000 perspective that I would say is very problematic the same way as I might say that about a man's 0.58

00:17:12.020 ideology and perspective not broadly but there might be specific cases of that okay I'm refusing 1.00

00:17:19.080 to do this scoreboard mentality that extreme feminists do and the red pill incels do 1.00

00:17:25.240 You know, where suffering only counts if it's structurally organized and structurally certified. 1.00

00:17:35.700 Naming misanjury, because nobody talks about it, doesn't necessarily cancel out misogyny.

00:17:41.880 Both actually exist, and that's the point of the conversation that I'm having with you today.

00:17:47.160 Both exist.

00:17:49.440 And one doesn't need to exist to disqualify the other.

00:17:54.240 Two things can exist at once.

00:17:56.320 But I think there's a real root of this,

00:17:57.720 and I've talked about this for a long time,

00:17:59.340 and I'm surprised that more men who advocate and fight

00:18:05.860 and work with men aren't talking about this,

00:18:07.860 but there's a difference between masculinity and manliness.

00:18:12.720 Okay, misanjury as contempt for the raw material

00:18:18.460 that, you know, refined builds providers and protectors and strong men and territorial men

00:18:30.100 and maybe even competitive men isn't a problem, okay? Masculinity itself is raw. It's amoral.

00:18:38.440 It's neither good nor bad. People say, well, masculinity is righteous. No, it isn't.

00:18:42.260 Neither is femininity, by the way. What's righteous is proper and virtuous application

00:18:49.980 of the raw material. I would never say, for example, that metal is bad.

00:18:57.400 But if I made a knife and I went on a killing rampage in London with my metal knife,

00:19:06.400 we would all say that's an inappropriate use of the raw material if on the other hand i took the 0.99

00:19:13.900 same metal and i had a firearm and i neutralized the the terrorist murdering villainous scum that 0.96

00:19:22.660 was just stabbing and slashing at people with my pistol we might all say that that's a proper use 0.76

00:19:28.400 or a virtuous and righteous use of the material itself so masculinity is the same way femininity

00:19:35.080 is the same way. And I'll explain both. Masculinity, if used improperly, could create

00:19:42.120 sexual deviance. It could create unnecessarily violence. It could create subjugation. I'm not

00:19:51.340 willing to admit that that stuff doesn't exist. But I'm saying if we take those same core set of

00:19:59.340 characteristics and apply them righteously, then we have productive outcomes for society. 1.00

00:20:04.520 The alternative is true for women. What might that look like? Well, I think women are naturally more empathetic and kind. But if her empathy comes at the expense of a victim's rights, for example, then that's not an appropriate use of her feelings, of her care of people. 1.00

00:20:26.100 okay if she's hamstringing her children because she's swaddling them and bubble wrapping them 0.77

00:20:34.620 because she doesn't want to be that them to be exposed to the hardships of life we would all say 1.00

00:20:40.240 she's a helicopter parent or she's crippling her children or she's enabling her children 1.00

00:20:47.340 that's what women do not specifically necessarily but broadly because they're more inclined to do it 1.00

00:20:55.100 Now, if she takes the same nurturing, guiding, loving characteristics into a relationship with her children, then she raises kind, empathetic, thoughtful, considerate adults. 0.99

00:21:11.140 And that's a beautiful use of her femininity.

00:21:14.400 So it's nothing to do with the raw material and everything to do with how we're using it.

00:21:18.640 But the problem is, with men, we often get targeted as a source of contempt for our masculinity.

00:21:29.180 But I never heard anybody complain about a police officer or a firefighter knocking down a door and dragging a person or a family out of a burning building.

00:21:40.580 But it's the same set of characteristics that might be used to kick down a door and violate a family.

00:21:48.640 it's not it's not the raw material it's what we do with it so we can call out bad behavior

00:21:58.100 for what it is but i'm not going to get into the subject of toxic masculinity

00:22:03.840 if we aren't also willing to have the conversation of toxic femininity okay manliness however or

00:22:13.040 counter womanliness is masculinity that's disciplined towards purpose towards service

00:22:22.260 towards love and caring and guidance towards other people okay it it's what gets lost when

00:22:32.340 the raw force is just shamed outright oh men shouldn't be competitive and then you raise

00:22:38.780 docile men. Men shouldn't be territorial, and then you lose the protective component. Men shouldn't be

00:22:45.680 physically strong, and then you lose the capability component. It's like throwing the baby out with

00:22:51.260 the bathwater. But have you ever heard anybody say when, again, a firefighter is kicking down a door

00:22:57.380 or a man is pulling somebody out of a burning vehicle or subduing a threat that a woman says, 0.63

00:23:06.680 oh, toxic masculinity. No. She says it's healthy. Well, ironically enough, it's the same raw material

00:23:14.780 expressed differently. Okay. Arete is a term you may have heard of. That means excellence.

00:23:21.720 It requires that raw material. It requires a little bit of rough edges. You kind of got to

00:23:27.060 be a hard ass. I think it was John Wayne who said, in order to be a gentleman, you have to be a man 0.99

00:23:32.920 first. How can you be a gentle man if you're not capable of being a violent man? Of course you

00:23:40.620 can't. Okay, contempt for the material makes that refinement harder for every man trying to rise

00:23:50.040 and every society to do well. If you say to your boys, hey, you need to stop being so competitive,

00:23:56.280 well, then you're disincentivizing innovation and growth and progress. Nobody complains

00:24:01.900 the fact that we've been able to build incredible technology and solve some of the world's most

00:24:10.360 difficult problems and keep our communities safe. Nobody ever complains about that. But if you want

00:24:16.780 to tell a boy that, hey, you shouldn't be so competitive, you're just basically neutering him. 0.58

00:24:24.360 And then the same women who want to neuter those men will say, well, where have all the real men

00:24:28.680 gone. You neutered the real men. You neutered the potential they had. And you did it because there 0.56

00:24:35.700 was a bunch of screeching feminists who told you that that was the right thing to do. And that's 1.00

00:24:41.800 misandry. And we need to start having more conversations about that. Again, if you're a

00:24:47.700 man listening to this or a woman listening to this, I want you to know I don't hate women.

00:24:52.980 And I don't think women ought to hate men. I think we ought to hate certain behavior. 0.63

00:24:58.680 And I'm repulsed by this overly entitled, overly soft, overly even empathetic culture that we built at the expense of human innovation and growth and progress and flourishing.

00:25:15.080 As much as I'm repulsed by a man who decides to molest a child or take advantage of and maybe even physically or sexually abuse a woman.

00:25:25.500 I'm just as repulsed by that behavior.

00:25:28.680 but I don't think men are the enemy 0.90

00:25:31.220 and I don't think women are the enemy. 0.91

00:25:32.860 I think the behavior is. 1.00

00:25:34.660 And I know when many people talk about toxic masculinity,

00:25:37.660 they're saying, yeah, Ryan, you're proving the point.

00:25:39.940 I know, I know what you mean.

00:25:42.100 So then if we're gonna talk about that,

00:25:43.960 then I think it's important that we also talk 0.67

00:25:45.820 about toxic femininity or misandry.

00:25:49.700 Let's give equal weight to the conversation

00:25:52.440 on both sides of the aisle

00:25:53.880 so we can actually have real conversations,

00:25:55.600 not to pit each other against each other, 1.00

00:25:58.680 but to bring each other together against poor behavior from women

00:26:05.240 and against poor behavior from men.

00:26:08.560 That's the only way we rise,

00:26:10.140 but we're not going to villainize the building blocks of men 0.89

00:26:13.560 and the building blocks of women.

00:26:16.120 So guys, I'm going to leave you with this. 0.87

00:26:19.000 I want you to stop justifying your own existence.

00:26:22.460 it's it's not only is it okay it's a moral imperative that you step into your masculinity

00:26:31.740 and apply it correctly which then makes it manly you start owning your worth regardless of the

00:26:40.300 cultural mood when some woman complains and gripes and moans or even screeches at you about how

00:26:47.020 horrible you are as a man and down with a patriarchy and you're so oppressive and it's a

00:26:52.040 tyranny and it's a systematic problem, fight against that. Not aggressively, maybe aggressively, 0.89

00:26:59.860 but not unnecessarily, not violently. But use those characteristics and skills that you have.

00:27:06.300 Fight aggressively against that. Use your words. Become educated in this. Show what it really

00:27:13.400 means to be a man who's harnessed his masculinity in something productive and righteous, manliness.

00:27:18.440 Guys, sovereignty means that you don't outsource your sense of self-worth to whichever way the cultural discourse is blowing that week or that month or that four-year political cycle.

00:27:34.720 I call it the doctrine of popular culture.

00:27:37.600 Do not be swayed by that.

00:27:39.440 Maintain your course.

00:27:40.760 Be a man.

00:27:41.720 Embrace your masculinity.

00:27:43.040 Use it properly.

00:27:44.280 So my challenge for you this week as I leave things here

00:27:47.660 is that you name wherever you felt this.

00:27:50.800 Where have you felt like you haven't been able

00:27:52.680 to express yourself as a man?

00:27:54.920 For example, competitiveness.

00:27:57.320 When has somebody told you,

00:27:58.700 oh, you're so intense, you're too competitive?

00:28:01.720 No, you're not.

00:28:02.360 Maybe you're just right.

00:28:04.180 Maybe you're expressing it inappropriately,

00:28:05.960 but maybe you're just right.

00:28:07.280 Or you're too aggressive. 0.52

00:28:09.340 Or you're too black and white. 0.56

00:28:12.140 It's another thing people will say. 1.00

00:28:13.800 Maybe that's not a bad thing.

00:28:16.000 Maybe it's a good thing.

00:28:17.520 Just needs a little bit of challenging and harnessing

00:28:20.740 and channeling into the appropriate spaces,

00:28:26.360 the appropriate action, and then get to building.

00:28:30.860 Guys, I hope that helps.

00:28:32.120 There's a big difference here.

00:28:33.820 Culture readily accepts the idea of misogyny,

00:28:38.500 not so much with misandry.

00:28:41.180 And if you're gonna talk about one,

00:28:42.300 you need to talk about the other or don't talk about either but those are your two choices in

00:28:46.980 my mind i hope that helps if you guys have thoughts insights ideas questions disagreements

00:28:53.120 we can do all of it drop a comment on youtube in the comments below at youtube.com slash order of

00:28:59.800 man and let's keep some of these conversations going because they these conversations need to

00:29:05.360 take place and they're ones that society is just not having all right guys make sure you check out

00:29:10.460 the Iron Council. Our exclusive brotherhood is now open for enrollment. We'd love to see you in

00:29:15.120 there. You can go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council. That is a core group of men who are

00:29:21.060 having conversations like this and rallying behind each other and believing and edifying and uplifting

00:29:25.620 each other. Again, check it out at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Guys, we'll be back next week

00:29:31.560 for our interview. Until then, go out there, take action, and become a man you are meant to be.

00:29:36.940 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:29:40.120 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:29:44.140 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - September 11, 2026

Why Culture Loves to Hate Men ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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