Pearl - Haggmaxxing： Trying To ＂Date＂ at 40

00:00:00.000 these don't really become friendships because they are like failed romantic interests or

00:00:04.540 partnerships and so you don't continue that yeah it is kind of weird i think dating it's like not

00:00:11.580 normal to go from talking to someone so much to never it's interesting i know people that stay

00:00:16.780 friends with their exes and really never like revisit that i think that only works when it's

00:00:22.300 like beta bucks what's up guys welcome to my reaction series today we are going to react to

00:00:27.320 dating in their 40s so 40s is kind of an interesting age for women um because the hot

00:00:32.440 women can kind of stick it out till 40 but pearl but pearl no they can't they're barren yes but 0.69

00:00:39.200 uh look i hate to use celebrity examples um but i feel like 40s is like the last decade like 0.99

00:00:48.080 no way that woman is really going to be that hot in her 50s but a 40 year old woman can kind of be

00:00:53.060 um i hate to use kim kardashian as an example but let's just objectively attractive now i get it

00:01:00.260 she looks weird like they might look weird but they're still i hate it when guys uh deny that

00:01:06.360 men like fake stuff to some degree because the beauty industry wouldn't spend all that money if

00:01:12.960 it didn't work it just wouldn't uh okay regardless um we're gonna rate the women so this is a woman

00:01:20.300 who's probably not going to have a good time dating because she's kind of chopped right this

00:01:23.980 is not somebody that aged well i'm over here promoting love after 40 dating okay not the worst

00:01:30.020 not the worst 40 finding your person after 40 because you've had your trial run right your

00:01:36.080 first marriage i don't know what you got it's after 40 it's a deal i mean at that rate you are

00:01:42.520 looking to strike a deal love is off the table you've had more than that you know what you like

00:01:48.280 what you don't like probably wasn't a trial run at the time let's be honest but now that we're out

00:01:52.720 of it trial run i get these messages from people saying put myself out there went on a date never

00:02:03.580 again you got to be discerning people you got to be discerning okay i'm sorry you have so much

00:02:09.500 choice on dating apps even if it's like less choice um what are you complaining about you

00:02:16.740 just have to show up because i'm divorced i the first three years after i was divorced i did all

00:02:21.860 the things right went to therapy healed myself got in shape started eating right all while full-time

00:02:29.940 caring for my two children supporting them with minimal to no financial assistance okay she's

00:02:35.060 gonna have an easier time dating because um better looking she's in shape this is what i mean she's

00:02:41.780 still cute right from their dad she's still above a five i would say not by much 5.2 but yeah

00:02:46.680 volunteering at the pta and the girl scouts while working my full-time job and after three years i

00:02:52.960 felt like you know i'm really good um i'm feeling great about myself i have a great life and i don't

00:02:57.560 really need a relationship which is probably the right time for me to start dating so um because

00:03:02.700 now i could feel like i wanted one and not needed one so created a dating profile got out there

00:03:08.900 started seeing people saw a few people a few times um nobody was really like blowing my skirt up or

00:03:15.540 anything um well maybe they did but um nobody was really giving full relationship yeah because um

00:03:23.780 again you have to work a lot harder at 40 to get a relationship because you're not only competing

00:03:28.180 with younger women better women in every day way um you're competing with men's alone time

00:03:34.580 and their peace and you know if you're dating guys your age they might get out of a divorce

00:03:39.220 and like the silence is just so amazing to me and i was having a good time so it's fine

00:03:43.620 so then about eight weeks ago like two months something like that i met like super incredible

00:03:49.540 guy um total total package um great career great attitude great dad really happy and funny and just

00:04:01.220 great conversation we had some of the best dates i've ever had he was very intentional made me

00:04:05.780 dinner we were future maxing and we were well what happened is he's done that with other women if you

00:04:12.100 liked it he's done with other both really emotionally invested like i don't doubt that

00:04:16.900 for a second until last week when he had kind of like a let's call it familial drama um unrelated

00:04:26.100 to me however that has now sent him and he is needs some space and just like isn't sure if he

00:04:33.940 is ready for a relationship which he had like pretty clearly been giving every possible sign he

00:04:38.380 was so i'm now on the struggle bus i'm hurting um and not really sure where to go with this so i

00:04:46.200 decided i would go to the gym and i would do a workout class which is what i do so i'm at the 0.88

00:04:49.880 gym doing my workout class trying to clear my head and in the middle of the fucking workout class

00:04:54.920 comes on a remix totally unnecessary remix of the song fast car by Tracy Chapman I love that and I 0.77

00:05:02.480 just I burst into fucking tears I just I can't so I'm like laying there doing my chest presses

00:05:07.980 crying like a baby tears streaming nose red trying to plate off like it's allergies which it clearly

00:05:15.260 wasn't and I'm realizing I'm actually not okay with this so I don't really know what where I'm

00:05:23.440 going but um what the fuck what the fuck yeah i mean he just found someone better in every way

00:05:33.140 and you would leave too if you also did with three i've been divorced now since i mean they 0.74

00:05:36.660 can still kind of thirst trap a little longer obviously not like they used to but if they stay

00:05:40.960 in good shape 50s is where it really starts to go they hit menopause code for six years and i

00:05:47.380 recently started dating in march i joined the dating apps i joined the gym i just got out of

00:05:52.720 my house in hopes that I might meet somebody because I want a partner in my life and I haven't

00:05:57.800 done a lot of dating throughout my life so these are my observations after a few months. So dating

00:06:04.300 reiterates to me that everything good is on the other side of hard and I didn't set out to date

00:06:10.880 for a long time because I had my youngest and when you deal with those like emotional setbacks

00:06:14.800 they can really take a while to get over and I didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with

00:06:20.560 that with a young child and going through a divorce blah blah blah and so now that i do now

00:06:25.180 that i can take a hit i've started dating and these are setbacks because these things that you

00:06:31.160 get emotionally invested in don't work out and these don't really become friendships because

00:06:35.780 they are like failed romantic interests or partnerships and so you don't continue that

00:06:42.520 yeah it is kind of weird i think dating it's like not normal to go from talking to someone so much

00:06:48.460 to never it's interesting i know people that stay friends with their exes and really never

00:06:53.260 like revisit that i think that only works when it's like beta bucks you know what i mean

00:07:00.460 um yeah so i don't know it is kind of weird 2026 and so that hurts whether it was meant to be in

00:07:05.820 your life or not i get emotionally invested i don't know about you but like so so then i face

00:07:10.460 a setback but what i've realized after dealing with months of these setbacks with um things that

00:07:17.180 didn't work out hopes that got high and the dopamine rushes that come along with dating is

00:07:21.900 that even though these things didn't work out and i got my feelings hurt sometimes like that refined

00:07:27.660 me like it just reiterates that setbacks make you a better version of yourself and so when you deal

00:07:35.900 with these setbacks even though i've dated and gotten myself hurt i come out a better version

00:07:41.580 yeah yeah um dating can make you a better person but it usually makes you worse and little and hot

00:07:47.740 for the first time in my life at 40 years old is literally one of the strangest combinations you

00:07:52.700 can have and here's why generally speaking there are three type of men that are hitting on me men

00:07:56.460 around my age black men who have young kids and are recently divorced i tried dating one of those

00:08:01.900 it didn't go too well he was also unemployed the entire time we were dating so like that was on me

00:08:06.940 then there is the single divorcee who is 10 to 20 years older than me who wants to date me and

00:08:11.740 has grown kids not into that unless you're jeff goldblum then i'm into that here's the last group

00:08:17.660 of men who are it's gonna be young men really interested in me they're cougar maxing just 26

00:08:22.300 to 28. make it make sense yeah because they see you as easy right um yeah when i go out with my

00:08:30.700 best friend the only man and she's cute she'll do all right for the 40 year old age group i don't

00:08:35.900 don't want to pretend like none of the 40 year old age women do okay you know hit on us ages 26 to 28

00:08:42.140 rarely are they even 29 not the 30 year olds where the 30 year olds i i don't i no idea i just turned

00:08:47.740 41 this year yeah but a 26 year with the 20 year olds but the yeah those guys will they'll come up

00:08:52.860 with you they are obsessed when i tell them i'm 40 now 41 they don't believe me and i know what

00:08:59.020 the comments are gonna because they're being nice i'm sorry but you look 40. there's nothing wrong

00:09:03.900 with yeah i know they i look my age most people look their age 40. embrace your age well what do

00:09:10.700 you want me to do none of them think i'm 40. they just they don't because they want to smash you

00:09:15.260 can never take anything seriously from a guy that wants to smash i'm 40 and i'm i'm sorry i i cannot

00:09:20.860 date a 27 year old those are the only ones who hit on me or their dads who are 57 years old

00:09:26.540 where are all the men 35 to 45 like that's that is the zone with the 20 to 35 year olds oh yeah 0.88

00:09:35.640 sorry you reached out you got thin too late in life all right uh this girl's hag maxing um she's

00:09:40.940 not gonna have a good time dating yeah i decided to date again but i was going to do it differently 0.97

00:09:46.780 than i had ever done it before it was terrifying to me the idea of being perceived the idea of

00:09:52.480 that perception equaling judgment because judgment women are so spoiled we just have never

00:09:58.120 taken an L oh no I'm judged get the fuck out of here has always been what happened to me when I

00:10:02.780 was perceived judged for my weight judged for my looks judged for my lack of romantic history my

00:10:07.660 difficulty connecting with people and so I was terrified that this time it was going to be the

00:10:12.340 same but I decided that I was going to do one thing and one thing only and that was to let

00:10:17.460 myself be uncomfortable to let myself sit in how horrible it is to date sometimes and i wasn't going

00:10:24.420 to be looking for the one i wasn't going to be looking for my i feel like dating's a vibe

00:10:29.780 you either bring the vibes or you don't eternal companion for my partner for a person i was going

00:10:35.940 to you can't find an eternal companion because in your 40s eternity has already gone by you're old

00:10:41.780 you're old you've already lived too much life you know what i mean myself in situations where

00:10:46.580 i took opportunities and i felt uncomfortable and i would remind my brain that being uncomfortable

00:10:52.020 and unsafe are not the same thing because when you have a long history of trauma they feel alike

00:10:57.540 they feel similarly what changed for me why was it so much easier this time around to date and

00:11:03.300 really it's all of you it's building community with people because now we're getting that

00:11:07.380 validation that used to be from family and stuff with the internet so it's gonna be bad a lot of

00:11:12.420 women are going to have mental illness in the future understanding that my lack of romantic

00:11:16.420 connection and my singleness wasn't a defining factor of my worth or my value and i built that

00:11:21.860 over the few months before i started dating i began to see that well if i'm not the only one

00:11:26.820 who has lacked romantic history then maybe i'm not the problem maybe it's luck it's timing it's

00:11:33.060 life it's how things play out and if i can tell just by the way you're talking that you are in

00:11:37.700 fact the problem that's the case then when i go into situations i don't need to be desperate i

00:11:43.060 don't need to be upset and worried and thinking that my very first date was me trying to see my

00:11:50.820 future spouse like that's what i would do in my 20s and 30s because i wanted to feel part of

00:11:57.460 society and you're just cooked girl you're cooked i mean i can just tell you're cooked all right

00:12:02.420 guys let me know what you think of the comments i love you thank you so much for watching um like

00:12:06.820 the video if you can subscribe to the channel and get a ticket if you can i'll see you next time

Pearl - August 25, 2026

Haggmaxxing： Trying To ＂Date＂ at 40

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