Pearl - Men Need to STOP Falling for Therapy Speak!

00:00:00.160 What's up, guys? Welcome to my reaction series. Today, we're going to be reacting to Joshua Lysak.

00:00:06.900 He came on the channel. I mean, he's going to talk about how therapy speak is used to manipulate men.

00:00:12.520 But before we start, guys, we are doing an event in Dallas, October 2nd, Friday and Saturday next week, whatever that is.

00:00:20.020 The normal tickets, you get to hang out with me all weekend going to a gun range.

00:00:23.440 A UFC fighter is going to teach a class. That's VIP.

00:00:26.800 7 o'clock Friday at a place in Dallas that you will be emailed if you buy the ticket.

00:00:32.440 We're going to do tacos and tequila Friday.

00:00:34.640 It's going to be real fun.

00:00:36.680 So anyways, today we're going to react to Joshua doing therapy speak.

00:00:40.000 So how to defeat it.

00:00:42.080 You're not holding space for my mental load.

00:00:45.720 I need boundaries around my emotional labor.

00:00:49.920 I am making a bid for emotional connection before practical correction. 1.00

00:00:56.360 you toxic, narcissistic abuser. This is my truth. All of this is therapy speak. We need to have a 1.00

00:01:02.620 national conversation about this. I'm going to credit Dr. Orion Taraban. He did a video on this

00:01:09.400 a few weeks ago, where he talked about how the introduction of therapy speak into the discourse,

00:01:13.980 specifically in marriage, dating, and relationships, has resulted in the moralizing

00:01:20.380 of amoral issues in order to turn a disagreement into a conversation about you being a bad person

00:01:29.140 for not obeying, kowtowing, or otherwise submitting to my will. And it's usually women who are doing 1.00

00:01:35.940 this because toxic femininity historically is the use of undermining that are a low intensity 1.00

00:01:42.820 conflict tactic set that is just under the radar of violence, but has the same impact. By the way,

00:01:51.700 that's one of the unrestricted warfare techniques of the Chinese Communist Party against the United 0.97

00:01:56.620 States is the use of toxic femininity. Fascinating, is it not? But that's a whole other video. 0.86

00:02:02.880 Returning to this, the only way to defeat these techniques is to deploy them in a counter strike.

00:02:09.300 now this makes a lot of people uncomfortable particularly your principled conservative types

00:02:15.660 who believe in having an honest conversation and fairness and what would happen yeah because

00:02:20.660 because you can only be fair with women that are fair and women aren't fair so now you gotta you 1.00

00:02:25.900 gotta bring a gun to a gunfight reversed dish it's about to find out it's about to find out

00:02:32.380 what happens when the roles are reversed because what's happening here there is no good faith

00:02:38.540 conversation happening in the world of therapy speak you and your your your wife your your

00:02:44.140 fiance let's say have a disagreement about let's say a particular activity associated with the

00:02:49.660 children or anything that's practical that is well i think we should do it this way i think we should

00:02:54.380 do it that way who's going to be here who wants this uh what's happening here what's happening

00:02:58.380 there i think it should be this way no i think it should be that and then the moralizing therapy 0.98

00:03:03.020 speak makes usually the man because shit woman gets it from her therapist it makes the man into 0.98

00:03:08.780 bad wrong toxic dismissive disrespectful a boundary breaker because oh you won't respect 0.99

00:03:16.600 my boundaries like boundaries i have around you obeying me at all times and the irony of course

00:03:22.640 is that the person deploying the therapy speak accusatory language is the person doing all the

00:03:29.040 things that they're saying. The only way to win in this situation, win without fighting. So with

00:03:35.900 the vast majority of cases, your best bet's going to be a most expensive divorce lawyer you can find

00:03:40.880 in the United States. So that's your first thing. Second thing is to use it right back.

00:03:45.340 Law of exact reciprocity has been denigrated by well-meaning individuals over the centuries

00:03:49.600 with certain activists claiming that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

00:03:54.940 we laugh this is obviously not the case eye for an eye laws protect innocent eyes from assault

00:04:00.760 by aspiring yes oh my god that's so true an eye for an eye gougers who are now made to fear the

00:04:07.660 consequence of that reciprocal eye removal law and rightly so that's without reciprocity we are

00:04:14.780 without civilization we become anti-civilization we become unhuman this was true then later and now

00:04:23.560 Speaking also of the Aryan Law of Exact Reciprocity, the reason we did not have a nuclear World War III, but rather a Cold War, that standoff over a number of decades with the Soviet Union, was due to this very law. 0.68

00:04:36.580 The doctrine specifically was called Mutually Assured Destruction, Atomic Diplomacy. 0.69

00:04:43.780 Hold on.

00:04:44.040 that is what protects you from the forces of unhumanity and when someone is using therapy

00:04:51.200 speak against you they are attempting to unhuman you they are taking you as a person and they are

00:04:57.160 reducing you to someone that they can manipulate that they could control you are not dealing with

00:05:02.200 a good faith person this is most likely your wife your mother yeah and they do this all the time

00:05:08.600 like it's crazy they put it in school they put it in oh my god sister uh an npr don't forget the

00:05:15.220 hyphen an npr american a facebook american a reddit american who has decided that you are now

00:05:21.060 to be unperson because you will not do what they say a lot of people particularly conservative men

00:05:26.880 and the saying goes a man is only as conservative as his wife allows him to be 100 correct you are

00:05:33.900 being unhuman in your own home i highly recommend the book i just want this done the best divorce

00:05:40.260 book ever written not just me saying that rayford palmer is the author of it the way to counter

00:05:46.720 strike way to counter attack is to use their language against them mutually assured destruction

00:05:52.000 exact reciprocity they say that you are disrespecting their boundaries you're violating

00:05:59.700 the boundaries by not you not obeying your wife anymore uh as a good little husband does while you

00:06:05.220 simply respond with you're invalidating my reality oh my gosh should i use that in debates

00:06:13.300 look at you are invalidating my reality what can i use against them oh my god that's so

00:06:19.700 time one of these weapons is brought out they say oh it's my i have an unbearable

00:06:25.460 mental load that's my truth you counter and say that's it's my truth that the emotional labor

00:06:33.220 you're demanding of me violates my boundaries that's my truth you use the exact language back

00:06:41.460 and uh there's another great book called become immune to manipulation on my shelf back there by

00:06:45.620 noah ravoy he points out that enough rounds of this saber rattling this the deployment of the

00:06:52.340 the iron law of exact reciprocity can force them to do one thing and one thing only that you need

00:06:58.200 to treat you like a human being again. All right, let's see what number... Cultivate a willingness

00:07:03.120 to be disagreeable, to be insulted, to be called not nice. Manipulators will call you a number of

00:07:09.200 hostile names. Become immune to... Oh, I want to read that book. Track your defenses. When you

00:07:15.000 recognize their tactics, you remove their ability to hurt you. This is by our Noah Ravoy. Become

00:07:21.140 immune to manipulation. I'm going to return to it in a moment. Therapy speak is where you

00:07:28.820 repackage normal, everyday, amoral human experiences, conflicts, or quirks using some

00:07:36.880 sort of self-helpy jargon to assault the humanity of your intended victim with the

00:07:43.300 the intention, rather, to come across enlightened, educated. You pathologize ordinary behavior in

00:07:54.580 order to try to manipulate the person and to respond in a certain way and kowtowing to your

00:08:00.520 demands. There are some fantastic examples, dare I say fantastic, examples of therapy speak. Now,

00:08:06.680 this is the third video in this series I have been doing on therapy speak. This is going to

00:08:10.780 the longest one yet because i'm going to share with you first the examples of therapy speak and

00:08:15.580 then i'm going to explain some tactics from and with a reading from become immune to manipulation

00:08:20.860 by noah ravoy here are some examples of therapy speak i'm not ghosting you i'm honoring my nervous

00:08:27.420 system's need for safety your feedback triggered my abandonment wound so i had to disengage to

00:08:33.740 protect my inner child notice what both of these do both of these are attacks on you

00:08:40.780 as a person but what do they also do they also excuse the poor dare i say unethical behavior

00:08:50.060 of the person the actual person who's doing the gas lighting is a gas lighter the person

00:08:57.420 accusing you of toxic narcissistic abuse is in fact toxically no and that's the thing and that's

00:09:04.380 the problem is the person that the chill person that has no drama never is the one 0.79

00:09:11.980 bitching so you know it's always the the one complaining all the time about everyone that's 0.96

00:09:17.740 the real problem abusing you verbally every accusation is projection with a manipulator 0.67

00:09:26.940 every insult is a confession returning to some examples here i can't hold space for that

00:09:32.700 conversation right now it's too heavy for my mental load to bear oh dear we're not incompatible

00:09:38.380 we have different attachment styles that aren't aligned oh it's so good these are weapons of mass

00:09:43.980 verbal destruction it's not a lie it's a trauma response i haven't processed yet i need to work

00:09:49.980 on my it's not a lie it's not a trauma response i haven't processed people pleasing before i can

00:09:57.020 can show up authentically bonus if you say i need to do the work isn't that book by what nicole

00:10:03.260 para called the work something like that that is one of the books that popularized therapy speak

00:10:08.460 by the way it is you might recall that that meme i believe it's from the symptoms simpsons where

00:10:14.900 the individual is looking downcast thinking is this the problem could i be the problem no it's

00:10:21.500 literally everyone but me. Therapy speak results in an accountability-free zone. It's a complete

00:10:27.260 ejection of and therefore rejection of responsibility in any relationship. It is

00:10:33.360 taking the toddler spirit of, you take the cookie? When obviously they did. No, I didn't. You did.

00:10:39.740 You took the cookie. Why did you take the cookie? It's toddler-like response to being caught, to

00:10:46.580 doing something that you know is wrong, it's a defense. It's a manipulative defense, but it is

00:10:51.560 a defense nonetheless. Let's see. You're not respecting my emotional labor. You're expecting

00:10:56.440 me to explain basic things. Amazing. I'm not being difficult. I'm setting a boundary around

00:11:02.080 my energy. Oh, that's such a good one. I'm not being difficult. I'm setting a boundary. Oh my

00:11:07.860 God. Such a good one. That's where you're asking someone to do something very basic.

00:11:12.000 These often appear in soon-to-be-divorce marriage situations between spouses where often the

00:11:19.280 man is expected in the current year, the man is expected to earn 100% of the money or close to

00:11:24.560 it, but do at least 50% of the household work because that's fair. That's fair. That's fair.

00:11:31.180 So you'll often hear entitlement maxed women use these expressions when really what's happening 1.00

00:11:38.100 is they're rewriting history. We had a rupture. I think we could repair if we both take radical 1.00

00:11:43.900 responsibility. That's a way of saying you take radical responsibility. My avoidant attachment

00:11:50.800 is making me pull away. Oh dear. I'm not procrastinating. I'm experiencing executive

00:11:55.920 dysfunction due to my neurodivergence. By the way, you'll hear gentle parents use that expression.

00:12:01.700 You talk about neurodivergence. My child's brain just works differently. They'll say,

00:12:07.160 oh my my child threw a tantrum and destroyed the entire um wine aisle and left it a bit of a red

00:12:14.400 flood there in his wake because he has pathological demand avoidance it's completely invented it's a

00:12:21.660 way of saying i never parented my child therefore these abnormal behaviors i have not just allowed

00:12:28.780 i have enabled them i've transformed my child into this because they're my friend they're my

00:12:34.480 friend. Coming back to this now. For example, Noah says, I never respond to insults. If you insult

00:12:39.680 me, you get blocked. I always avoid answering insincere questions. If hostile, ignore. If just

00:12:45.640 hostile, or rather, if not hostile but curious, make them do the work. It's jiu-jitsu. Hold on

00:12:51.960 until they get tired. It's easier to deflect a punch than to throw one. Let manipulators expend

00:12:57.720 their energy. Respond when they are exhausted. Just like with castle walls, laying siege takes

00:13:02.660 a toll on the attackers. They get more cartoonish, even goofy, as subtle manipulation stops working.

00:13:08.100 They reach the point at which the insanity is unbelievable, even to strangers who don't know

00:13:12.340 you. That's when the Hitler comparisons come out. They hang themselves with their own rope.

00:13:17.200 What about silence? Does silence mean consent and admission of guilt? Sometimes. You can remain

00:13:22.220 silent and let the insanity speak for itself, unless you've got a killer reply that deflates

00:13:26.480 enemy momentum. In that case, insults help you. I am strong, tall, and in shape. Is someone

00:13:32.240 accuses me of being a skinny geek no woman wants all i have to do is post a photo of my physique

00:13:36.880 and or my three children not showing their faces of course the accuser loses all credibility

00:13:42.080 remember that manipulation has three parties you the manipulator and the audience manipulators are

00:13:47.280 trying to break you down in front of the audience but the tactics are discussed and if those wow

00:13:52.800 that's really interesting watching ever recognize what the exploiter is really doing they will turn

00:13:57.120 on them. Nobody likes a puppet master. So another point here brought up in this book and also been

00:14:03.380 brought up in the Inhumans book by being Jack Posobiec is atomic diplomacy, mutually assured

00:14:08.120 destruction, the iron law of exact reciprocity. One of the ways to counter, to both defend and

00:14:14.400 then counter to make the person talk to you like you're a human being is to use these tactics back

00:14:20.140 against them. They're what the late great influencer Scott Adams would have might have called

00:14:25.600 linguistic kill shots, meaning there's not really any defense against them besides shooting back.

00:14:32.940 They work so well because as Dr. Orion Terraman has said, they turn amoral issues into moral

00:14:39.360 accusations. Hey, we're trying to find a way, you know, what's for dinner? Oh, yet another

00:14:44.940 expectation violating the boundaries of my lived experience. And so when she asks you for money,

00:14:52.040 say you violated my the boundaries of my lived experience adding to my mental load of which i'm

00:14:58.840 holding space for my energy toxic narcissistic abuser entitled gaslight okay you know that's what

00:15:05.720 happens the only way to respond to that number one is if is if you're married you contact a divorce

00:15:11.320 lawyer it's over it's over a spouse who unhumans the other like that there is no coming back from

00:15:16.280 that it is over all you can do now is engage in a controlled landing of the relationship the

00:15:22.840 marriage the finances everything okay it is so over there is no it's so back from there okay

00:15:29.800 in that case the audience is domestic relations court for what it's worth now in other situations

00:15:38.360 other relationships beyond that you want to keep that as private as possible understand

00:15:42.520 for the benefit of everyone but other situations there will be an audience and to show that you

00:15:47.800 know what's going on here and you can play the game you defend against them by whipping them

00:15:52.360 right back out there there's that expression hitchens razor that which is presented without

00:15:58.120 evidence can be dismissed without evidence that is a knock on them but also a knock for you

00:16:04.760 someone calls you a toxic narcissistic abuser you say their gaslighting gives you the ick what are

00:16:09.400 are they going to do keep going you can answer them all day i've gotten a couple they're gas

00:16:13.720 lighting so they call me a grifter i gotta say i don't know all right guys that's a really great

00:16:19.720 video um let me know what you think in the comments um i love you thank you so much for

00:16:23.480 watching and like the video subscribe to the channel and i'll see you next time

Pearl - September 28, 2026

Men Need to STOP Falling for Therapy Speak!

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