REAL AF with Andy Frisella - 54. Uncomfortably Comfortable Ft. Ryan Michler

00:00:00.000 told my teacher dumb bitch i'm gonna get millions watch this in the project living

00:00:04.680 spoke it till existence mold changed to 50 got mold cost than did i only weigh 180 but my watch

00:00:11.720 cost 250 what's up guys it's andy priscilla and this is the show for the realists say goodbye to

00:00:17.840 the lies the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality

00:00:23.520 guys today we've got an awesome show for you we actually have a guest uh that you have heard on

00:00:28.960 my show a few different times also um we're missing a couple guys from the podcast sal is on vacation

00:00:36.360 uh vaughn is doing vaughn stuff but we got dj yo yo dj what's going on dude hey man another day

00:00:43.540 another dollar hey happy to be here you missed our lift today i did what are you gonna do you

00:00:48.460 gonna lift later yeah i'm gonna lift it are you yeah i am all right as soon as we get done with

00:00:52.440 this you need me to get like come down and yell at you while you're lifting i mean it'd be nice

00:00:56.520 all right we can do that and we have our special guest who has also uh has come a long way to be

00:01:03.540 here uh and a lot has changed in his life since the last time we had him on the show uh and this

00:01:08.600 is the third time we've had him on the show for a reason my good friend ryan mickler what's up brother

00:01:13.500 what's up man glad to be here yeah how are you good it is a it's a little bit of a longer trip

00:01:18.000 yeah moving from utah yeah especially now yeah my times are crazy with actually i i actually really

00:01:23.760 enjoyed traveling this time yeah i hate traveling yeah but nobody was there nobody was rude everybody's

00:01:30.140 worrying about the personal space because normally all the annoying people are saying they won't go

00:01:34.120 that's exactly right anybody that everybody was respectful they stayed away from each other they

00:01:38.820 minded their business they got in the right lines they boarded quickly they sat their asses down i'm

00:01:42.600 like this is actually not too bad yeah yeah except for the face mask thing but you know yeah well we're

00:01:48.500 gonna talk about that for sure absolutely before we get into all that though um you know what's been

00:01:54.340 going on man you you uh you made a big move tell people about what you did yeah last year actually

00:02:00.000 about this time last year my wife and i and four kids packed up shop and headed to maine so we went

00:02:05.600 across the country and found this beautiful home i'd only been to maine well when we put an offering on

00:02:11.480 that place that was our second time in maine i went out there for one trip for a uh a jujitsu

00:02:16.320 immersion camp with origin uh yeah and so i went out there fell in love with it and it was in the

00:02:21.360 fall so my wife's like yeah of course it's beautiful now but we'd always thought about okay well let's go

00:02:25.120 on an adventure like it's like let's mix things up you know we have we have the the money to do it

00:02:29.780 we've got the freedom and the flexibility our kids are young like if we're gonna do it now's the time

00:02:33.780 to do it yeah so i said well let's just go out so we went back out in the winter and we looked at a

00:02:38.020 dozen different places and didn't really find anything we liked so i mean we weren't upset it

00:02:42.660 was just like yeah time's not right or whatever and we literally no joke man we came down this hill

00:02:47.520 and our realtor said hey i have one last place it's already got an offering on it but they're

00:02:51.380 entertaining backup offers so check it out so we went down this hill and saw this house i thought

00:02:56.260 it was a bed and breakfast you've seen the house oh it's beautiful i saw the bed i thought it was a bed

00:03:00.160 and breakfast i'm like whoa look at that place and our realtor pulled into it into it and my wife gets

00:03:05.040 out and she's like we'll take it and he's like well don't you want to see the inside or anything

00:03:09.160 i'm like yeah i do i get that reaction though man it's a beautiful place it's amazing so we picked

00:03:15.660 that place up a lot of things fell through on the other side in order to make it happen so we kind of

00:03:20.380 felt like hey you know what this is just meant to be yeah we had a lot of people say here's the

00:03:24.960 thing that a lot of people said is they said oh man i wish i could do that but but dude but what but

00:03:30.520 you have responsibilities you have a job you have friends is the only place all that shit applies

00:03:34.820 to me too yeah you know so yeah we took some risks going out there and being there for a year

00:03:39.940 it's overwhelmingly positive you know there's some things that i'm like i wish it was this or this but

00:03:44.840 overwhelmingly positive and what a cool experience to be out there man dude i i'm envious man because i

00:03:50.820 never experienced that like just picking up a movie i've never been able to you know what i'm saying

00:03:54.640 yeah i fall into the butt category right now that's the truth but i think it's super cool man

00:04:01.320 that you guys made that move um what's going on with business man business is exploding yeah yeah i

00:04:07.580 actually i was going to tell you this because i knew obviously we're going to be talking today and

00:04:11.080 um i'm on the 75 hard train by the way i'm second time around because the first time i failed

00:04:16.920 yeah i got to like day 43 and i think i had some chips and salsa which is always my demise

00:04:21.780 dude a lot of people do that and they do it mindlessly that's what it was yeah and then but

00:04:26.720 what i did is i actually compounded the problem like oh well i messed up i'll just i'll start in

00:04:30.300 a week yeah and it was like three weeks later yeah i'm like no shit like i gotta start again yeah so i

00:04:35.320 really did start again but um i was thinking about it the first go around like a month ago i was on fire

00:04:43.020 like maybe it's like a month and a half ago when i did it the first time on fire i'm like man i feel

00:04:48.620 good business is growing revenue is up the message is getting out there we've got amazing

00:04:54.220 guests on the podcast what the hell is going on it was 75 hard dude yeah and i'll be honest like i

00:05:01.140 look at it and anybody who looks at it probably for the first time says okay i gotta do these things

00:05:05.520 like that's simple that's stupid it happens all the time that doesn't that's not gonna work

00:05:10.280 dude you you would you would you guys would be shocked at how many people tell me those things

00:05:15.700 they also tell me these things like it's going to be easy i already do that because a lot of guys

00:05:21.600 who are bodybuilders will i already did i did that for 167 days no you did it yeah you did not do that

00:05:26.860 yeah you did what you think is that you did a part of it right right and what they don't a lot of

00:05:32.700 people don't understand it do um they think it's a like it's just another fitness thing right yeah and

00:05:37.580 it's not that do you get fit yeah you get fit but the mental aspect and anybody who's actually

00:05:43.620 completed the program will tell you i've not had anybody that's actually completed the program

00:05:48.580 be like yeah uh that was it was a waste it was a waste of time i'm on 75 i love it right now i mean

00:05:55.820 this is probably the most mentally clear i've ever been that's what i noticed too just like you like

00:06:00.300 dude it's weird because like a lot of good things are really really happening yeah they are and it's

00:06:04.940 like oh man what did i do what am i doing differently and i'm like that's what it is so much clearer it's

00:06:10.740 been awesome he pushed me my birthday was a couple of weeks ago and i texted him like dude like hey

00:06:15.180 birthday's coming up it's gonna be tough and he's like dude it's worth 10 birthdays and i'm like it

00:06:19.440 is all right it's worth all the birthdays that's what people don't understand for sure and what people

00:06:25.360 think is they are basically so used to the negative habits that they don't realize that their negative

00:06:32.600 happens like they don't even realize normalized them right yeah that's right and said oh it's you know

00:06:36.800 it's okay it's okay to have a cheat day it's okay to have a day off it's okay to relax you you deserve

00:06:41.660 it you've earned it but you don't right and that's the thing like this is the whole problem like and

00:06:47.640 this is the problem with society right now is we all think we earned something when that what it takes

00:06:54.220 to actually earn it actually requires 10 times that amount of work right so we have in our in society

00:07:01.180 we have convinced ourselves that we deserve things when in reality we don't deserve shit

00:07:10.380 and that's really the problem that we see going on right now we see it everywhere in the world it's

00:07:15.520 just an attitude culture problem and when we have an issue where like you know like dude the longest i

00:07:21.920 had gone without a cheat meal or cheat day before i started 75 hard the first time was six fucking days

00:07:28.020 yeah i mean six days bro like that's that's like to me now like and you have to understand like

00:07:36.700 to me to the first time i went through 75 hard for me to get through that sixth day onto the eighth day

00:07:43.100 and the ninth day and the tenth day and get over that first fucking seven days of not having a cheat day

00:07:48.060 dude it was like the biggest victory i'd ever had in my life is that right yeah because yeah i you know

00:07:54.100 we've all been taught have a cheat day every week yep you know and uh bill phillips made that pop

00:07:59.380 popular back in the 90s and the truth is and i'm just you know there's a lot of people who have their

00:08:05.420 own opinions but i'm pretty experienced in the fitness world i know a few things um people forget

00:08:12.740 that but uh your results are going to come three four times faster when you don't do that shit yeah it's

00:08:19.260 just reality and i've noticed your body just i mean you're not only your body but your mind too is

00:08:23.740 going to give exactly what you demand of it that's right right so if you're used to training every

00:08:28.420 day lifting exercising dieting whatever it is you're doing it's not like i mean it's going to

00:08:34.360 be hard at first because you're not used to that but that's going to become if you want to use the

00:08:37.900 popular term the new norm yeah right like that's going to be your new norm that's the standard that's

00:08:43.160 the benchmark and soon that will become easy like i know there's guys like and and i think you're

00:08:48.120 connected with them too like cam haynes yeah goggins is the same way those guys are running

00:08:52.720 marathons every day every day right yeah and they don't have to do that no people can't see dude and

00:09:00.260 that's what people they they've everybody's so in love with like what the result that other people can

00:09:06.460 see will be right they want to look good they want to have a lot of money they want to they want

00:09:12.640 people to know that they're a certain thing but what they're really missing the boat because the real

00:09:18.780 the real prize is creating the power inside your mind to be able to create that shit at will

00:09:24.540 you know and so a lot of people misunderstand the 75 hard uh and it gets a lot of fucking hate

00:09:32.420 but the truth is is that they just don't understand it like i have one person uh message me and be like

00:09:39.040 well all these tasks they don't they don't really mean anything and i'm like well they actually mean a

00:09:43.260 whole fucking lot you just haven't really paid attention to what it is right what's the purpose of

00:09:48.040 progress pick you're not going to change every day well that's the that's not the point of it

00:09:52.060 the point isn't to take a pick every day to see how much you change yep the point is to remember to

00:09:57.380 take the motherfucking pick every day to do it yeah and like dude people and and they they can't

00:10:03.240 comprehend that those little things that they forget to do or don't do or choose not to do are what

00:10:10.140 actually costs them everything and so what 75 hard does is it puts you in a zone of productivity in

00:10:16.360 all areas so almost anyone will tell you that when you're on the program what you just said and

00:10:22.000 what you just said both of you guys everything else goes with it it goes up and the more you focus on

00:10:27.360 your little bitty uh acts of discipline in any way like we were joking around before the podcast

00:10:32.600 uh you know you use my bathroom in my office and he's like man if i had to wipe the piss the piss

00:10:37.960 drops off any toilet seat i'm wiping off andy's and i said yeah man but the flip side is i got to

00:10:42.800 keep it clean everybody think i'm full of shit and you know but the thing is is like dude finding

00:10:47.920 little things like that throughout your day to keep you sharp is important like dj knows because

00:10:53.520 he does cardio with me all the time dude i always pick up pennies and i always pick up bolts or screws

00:10:58.380 how many bolts of screws think i picked up off the road probably could have built a motherfucking

00:11:01.660 yeah so like factory i don't have to do that but i do it because i know it's keeping me mentally

00:11:07.800 sharp to the details and a lot of people don't exercise their brain in that way so when they get

00:11:14.140 on to 75 hard and they start doing that for the first time they're like holy shit and it doesn't

00:11:19.860 take a whole lot for all the other areas of your life to start elevating when you start exercising

00:11:25.380 that little paying attention to detail you know what i think it's like is like you guys have seen

00:11:29.960 that picture that meme floating around it's like the iceberg you know i had the little bit on top and

00:11:33.920 then you've got the 90 of it it's on the bottom yeah yeah and so what these little acts these little

00:11:38.540 disciplined acts are is that top that you see but what it's really doing is developing everything else

00:11:44.820 that's going on underneath that most people will never see and if you don't participate in things

00:11:49.180 like this you won't ever formulate the connection no and dude that's why i don't get mad about it i

00:11:54.580 don't fight people on it like you if you criticize it and you've never done it i don't value your

00:12:00.660 opinion right at all it's not credible it's and not at all because dude this is like that's like

00:12:05.160 someone criticizing a fucking iron man that never did it oh that's stupid blah blah blah well i don't

00:12:10.520 know if you ask anybody who's completed one they'll say it's one of the biggest victories of their

00:12:14.320 fucking life yeah right and that's this is the same thing that's how i see it so you know the other

00:12:18.940 thing i was going to say on it too that i feel pretty good about since we got going on this is um

00:12:23.780 and i don't want anybody to misconstrue this because i know your stance on this of like

00:12:27.860 i'm not saying like i'm satisfied okay that's not what i'm saying but i'm more comfortable with

00:12:34.560 just you know what being me like and i'm okay with that because i felt like for a very long time

00:12:39.560 and even still i feel like this that i'm supposed to be and act a certain way for people in order to

00:12:44.780 gain validation or approval that's right and but i've noticed i'm like you know what screw this i'm

00:12:50.940 like i don't this is what i want to be like if i want to post on instagram about me doing a puzzle

00:12:56.040 with my kids and that's what i think is valuable for me and i think other people would get value

00:12:59.860 then i'm going to do that but i i used to do it like my instagram or twitter whatever i'd used to

00:13:05.280 look or even the podcast and think okay what would other people want yeah yeah what do they want to

00:13:09.540 hear what do they do no this is what i want to talk about i just heard gary v tell everybody this

00:13:14.420 and dude everybody knows i love gary but i love to give him some little shit yeah yeah and he was

00:13:18.460 like man if you don't know what to do just ask your audience what you want and i i'm like bro

00:13:23.580 like i'm thinking in my head i'm like bro you're just asking all these people to become performers

00:13:27.700 like instead of asking them to invest in themselves and figure out what it is that they are proud of

00:13:34.080 themselves for doing then you could figure out what it is you stand for what it is you believe

00:13:39.840 and guess what when you're able to walk free you know this because i know i know you as a as a man

00:13:44.780 you and i both are like this and not everybody is but i and both of our purpose is to help

00:13:50.280 everybody get to that right but i'm very comfortable with who i am and that was the whole uh that's the

00:13:57.700 whole you know when i talk to people about 75 hard i talked about building confidence and grit and

00:14:03.520 fortitude and belief and all these qualities and and most people don't even understand what those

00:14:08.860 qualities mean to them so like dude i can remember being a young man um and and like you know when i was

00:14:17.360 i would say 20 years old right let's just say and i was always interested in girls okay and i always

00:14:23.660 hear this thing well girls love guys that have confidence i didn't know what the fuck that man

00:14:28.100 i'm like what the fuck you talking about so what i do i became the fake confident guy yep right like i

00:14:33.100 had all this fucking gel and shit in my hair and i fucking wear some shirts like i thought i was

00:14:38.580 talking man yeah i thought i was cool you know and i'm like and i look back and i'm like bro you

00:14:42.780 were the fucking biggest turd ever you know but the truth is is like

00:14:47.360 when you start to realize what real confidence looks like and feels like it's very liberating

00:14:52.340 and freeing yeah and dude it actually creates a situation where you're not actually eating

00:14:57.880 yourself up on the inside with anxiety and stress and worry about what the world thinks and instead

00:15:04.100 you're okay because you're looking at every day i look in the mirror i fucking look this is the truth

00:15:09.340 and this is people literally every day i look in the mirror i can fucking honestly tell myself dude

00:15:15.840 you're doing everything you fucking can i can't that's powerful yeah bro and so what else can i

00:15:21.000 fucking do so if i'm doing everything i can and i can't really do anything more i mean could i do a

00:15:26.180 little more here and there sure but i'm always searching for that to do you're pushing then that's

00:15:30.760 what creates the inner peace right so now i'm like okay that was a good day that was a good day and i do

00:15:36.880 that a good day a good day a good day a good day and eventually dude it builds a good life right

00:15:41.560 you know what i'm saying so you know what's ironic about that too is like i think there's a lot of

00:15:45.580 people who listen to your podcast who think themselves because they see you and the guests

00:15:49.520 that you have on and the people you're connected with that they want to be influential too right

00:15:53.360 yeah yeah so they try to act a certain way in order they're performing in order to gain that

00:15:57.680 notoriety that influence the ironic thing is is when you stop worrying about what other people think

00:16:02.980 and you do programs like 75 hard and you follow through on your commitments and you be a man of your

00:16:08.220 word and you live in integrity then that's what people follow yeah they don't follow the fake

00:16:14.260 they follow you not really caring what people think and worrying about for lack of a better term

00:16:20.460 impressing yourself rather than impressing other people yeah and a lot of people read that as like

00:16:25.040 arrogant or cocky or whatever but it's not it's just real confidence like i don't need the approval of

00:16:31.080 you sorry yeah i just don't right and that's that doesn't mean i don't value you it doesn't mean i

00:16:36.620 don't value your opinion it doesn't mean i won't listen to you if you have feedback but what it

00:16:40.900 means is i don't need it right you know and that's a that's a very fine line to delineate right like

00:16:46.540 a lot of people have to have they live for that credit right but what if you could give yourself

00:16:52.620 the credit every time you need it without it being you know falsely right some sort of manufactured

00:16:58.280 yeah no it's it's real credit you know like you're actually able to assess yourself in a real way

00:17:04.020 and say all right bro you did a great job today you know what i mean yeah or and it'd be true

00:17:10.880 yes and have it that's the point and have it be true because some people do the affirmations right

00:17:15.680 you're special you're what it's like and then you create this internal dialogue it's like you're

00:17:19.940 awesome it's like no actually you're a piece of shit because you haven't done anything that you

00:17:23.340 know you're supposed to be doing oh no but you're supposed to feel good about yourself

00:17:26.120 like you have to sink the two that's the whole self-love perception right now like do we have all

00:17:31.540 these people who are out there preaching self-love and dude this is going to come off as is mean and

00:17:36.700 i don't mean it to be mean i'm just being i just want to talk about it because it's real we have all

00:17:41.560 these people who are clearly you can look at them and tell that they're not doing anything for

00:17:46.720 themselves their physical body they're clearly eating foods that aren't good for them and they're

00:17:52.240 justifying it as oh well i'm okay with myself and i love myself but the truth is is that you can't

00:17:58.900 really love yourself until you're proud of yourself right and to be proud of yourself you have to do

00:18:03.820 things that are difficult for you yeah you know and so their narrative of like oh i love myself just

00:18:09.700 the way i am that sounds good and i hope that everybody can get to that point but you have to

00:18:15.620 understand that just saying it isn't going to get you there no yeah you know it's um it so i i know

00:18:21.860 like we don't talk about scripture a whole lot um but well it's interesting to do it no you know i i started

00:18:27.780 to wrap my head around this concept because so jesus was talking with uh some priests and the

00:18:33.320 priests were trying to trap him and trick him into getting to say some things that contradicted

00:18:37.800 themselves that sounds familiar yeah yeah yeah true so so they asked him what's the great commandment

00:18:43.760 right and he said love god that's the first great commandment they said well what's the second great

00:18:47.320 commandment and jesus says the second great commandment and everybody knows this is to love thy

00:18:51.340 neighbor as thyself right when you hear that scripture for example this ties into what we're saying

00:18:56.140 is you think okay well i'm just supposed to love other people that's what i'm supposed to do

00:18:59.960 what most people overlook is the as myself right like if i love let's say i love my neighbor then

00:19:05.860 i'm gonna i'm gonna support them i'm gonna honor them you know if they're hung up or have some sort

00:19:10.620 of illness or medical condition i'm gonna maybe mow their lawn or do you know that's how i'm gonna

00:19:14.880 treat other people yeah but if you treat other people like that according to that scripture you have

00:19:20.040 to treat yourself like that that's right and most people don't carve any amount of time out of their

00:19:24.240 day to take care of themselves because they think it's selfish it's not selfish it's actually selfish

00:19:29.880 not to that's right because if you and me and we were talking about this before we hit record

00:19:34.060 if if you and i as as leaders of our prospective organizations want to actually impact and serve

00:19:40.900 and help the people we're trying to serve the best way for us to do this is to be the best possible

00:19:46.280 human being that we can that's it and if we're overweight we're out of shape we're out of integrity

00:19:51.820 we're stepping out on our wives we're doing all this stuff we know we shouldn't be doing

00:19:55.620 that's selfish that means you wanted that temporary satisfaction and you put that above and beyond

00:20:01.540 what you could have done for another individual who happens to listen to your podcast or be influenced

00:20:06.080 by your company or buys your products yeah dude i totally agree and i i completely agree yeah dude i think

00:20:13.100 the uh i think the thing you know for me a lot of people have been getting on me too about and i

00:20:20.320 want to talk about myself for a minute because you all know i love that let's be real who doesn't

00:20:25.220 right yeah uh but like dude i think for me man um you know people have been getting on me a little

00:20:32.760 bit about because i'm not posting on my instagram and stuff i noticed that yeah and the reason i'm

00:20:36.580 not really man is because like i actually feel like i'm going through a little bit of a transition

00:20:40.700 mentally like i know i am where you know a lot of the stuff i said four or five years ago while i

00:20:46.640 agree with it i i would just deliver it a lot differently now you know what i mean and uh so

00:20:51.920 i'm trying to figure out what that feels like and looks like and sounds like um it is just growth and

00:20:58.060 a lot of people are like well dude you're just you and yeah but you have to understand i work on me

00:21:02.500 like a fucking artist works on a fucking picture you know i'm saying every day like i i kind of know

00:21:09.460 what it's gonna look like it sound like but i want to like still do some work on my own yeah you

00:21:13.840 know what i mean and uh and it's a really cool process i would say that 75 hard dude like

00:21:21.680 i know it's my program and i made it up but like the thing is is fuck it fucking works it fucking

00:21:29.360 works for me no doubt you know and the thing is and you know i don't know it's exciting to watch

00:21:35.040 people do it because i get so many cool messages and so many um you know like dude i i you know

00:21:40.800 we get a little bit of you know what the fuck like why is it so extreme and well look man it ain't for

00:21:45.760 everybody don't do it it's not for fucking everybody i didn't create the program for

00:21:50.440 fucking everybody i created for people that want to be elite and a lot of people have been like

00:21:54.580 you know you know dude i'm pretty young i'm i'm not that old i'm fucking 40 years old

00:21:58.860 right fucking i had a lot of success at a at a young very young age relatively i mean you know

00:22:06.500 what i'm saying and i'm not saying that to brag so i get a lot of people are like dude how the

00:22:09.940 fuck do you do it well that's how that's how i do it and and you know little pieces of this

00:22:17.120 have been responsible for my success over the last 20 years but what has really made the difference

00:22:23.740 bro is figuring out what little pieces all worked and sticking them all together yeah and that's

00:22:28.260 what 75 hard is so i've gone through phases before where i've like you know been on a diet and i've

00:22:34.940 been training but i wasn't reading then i've been on phases before where i was reading but not doing

00:22:39.720 that yes and all of us can relate to that right yeah but what if you put it all together yeah and what

00:22:45.820 if you're disciplined about it and dude it's so cool to me like i the the book and the app were

00:22:54.220 the first things i ever sold to do with the program you know what i mean i don't really give a fuck

00:22:57.840 about how much money it it makes or whatever but we have hard costs in that right right it's right to

00:23:03.060 make a profit when you deliver things that are value and uh so but i'm not i think that 75 hard will

00:23:09.800 be the biggest thing that i've ever done on the fucking planet it's pretty phenomenal just to see

00:23:15.080 what what it's created because i see your stories and i see your testimonials and i follow the

00:23:20.240 hashtags and i see people posting but even as like for just me like for just me the legacy that's

00:23:27.400 going to create because what you're saying is like that's what i said yesterday in my instagram story

00:23:33.760 everybody's like dude what are you you know you're just done with faith dude i i restarted phase one

00:23:40.380 like 15 days in you know why because i half-assed to fucking work i remember you saying you weren't quite

00:23:44.800 it with it or something i did it i did the work i could have checked the box but i half-assed it

00:23:48.860 and you know what the truth is is i really wanted to start it over because i didn't want that fucking

00:23:53.840 end so i i used it as a way to extend it out you know what i mean to start it over but the thing is

00:23:59.020 is like they're like what are you gonna do you're gonna have beers you're gonna have this i'm like

00:24:02.000 well since it's tuesday no i'm not gonna have beers i'm gonna wake up right and so i'm you i see a lot

00:24:09.080 of people uh it's it's interesting seeing people go through the first year and then now this is the

00:24:14.940 second year of it yeah and how much more growth they get out of it the second time because the

00:24:20.620 first time they get done they're like fuck yeah i want to pound some beers eat some food and then

00:24:25.340 they look back a year ago and they're like fuck that's where i went off i went off and i became

00:24:29.600 the three or four or five weeks before i and then i fucked it up exactly and so like dude i did that

00:24:35.480 last year like i i went through 75 hard then phase one then i had uh a couple parties at my house over

00:24:42.240 two weeks span and then like the rest of the summer i was just like fucking did whatever i wanted i mean

00:24:47.540 i still train i went back to doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that not like that yes

00:24:52.040 and and so this year i've just tried to really lock that is my fucking habits like this is what i do

00:25:00.420 and i do it whether i'm on the program or whether i'm off the program like today

00:25:04.720 i woke up today is my first day after uh phase phase one right just so everybody knows and i

00:25:11.060 wasn't you know today's a low carb day for me on my diet i'm fucking eating low carbs and i'm working

00:25:17.160 out i'm doing the same shit i was doing yesterday and and i was explaining my story it's exactly what

00:25:22.580 you said bro like i realized just from becoming kind of going through this process uh over the last

00:25:28.740 few months of growth i i'm starting to actually become really aware of like um how many people

00:25:35.520 actually take what i say serious i heard your podcast this morning yeah yeah your your uh happiness

00:25:40.460 podcast yeah he's a happiness yeah yeah yeah so i'm like i'm it's starting to register with me that

00:25:46.240 it's not just about me it's really about a fuck ton other people and what a responsibility and not just

00:25:51.740 the people here in this building you know what i'm saying so like now i'm like okay now you're

00:25:58.680 becoming a real leader right because now i'm aware like i've always been a leader by other people's

00:26:03.320 eyes but now i'm starting to realize how important it is what i need to do because dude i had uh one of

00:26:09.040 my one of my uh really good friends who i've known for a long time uh laurie darrow she's from california

00:26:15.720 and she's a first form legionnaire and she's just a wonderful wonderful lady and she messaged me um

00:26:21.660 uh sunday and i did that story where i said i was doing a story and i said dude i almost

00:26:28.400 bitched out on day 29 and i so i went and did the cardio and then i got in the pool i don't know if

00:26:34.260 you saw that one i don't think i saw well i just basically told people i said well just so you guys

00:26:38.420 know i almost fucking bitched out and didn't do it and you guys would have never known and instead i

00:26:45.540 went and did it now i'm getting in the pool and i feel better about it so if you if you are the same

00:26:49.300 as me right now go fucking do it you'll feel better yeah she messaged me 30 minutes later out on her

00:26:53.920 doing her cardio dude that made me feel good that's like that's real shit well and you think about that

00:26:59.240 so she sent you that story but think about the tens if not hundreds of thousands of people who didn't

00:27:03.880 send you that story but what but went and did it yeah i think the difference and this is what i see

00:27:08.860 in in my life not just with 75 hard but other things that i'm doing in my life is that and i think this is

00:27:13.500 the difference between doing the first and second time is it when you do things to like check them

00:27:19.140 off the list or get them completed yeah there's still value in that but it's not as good as it

00:27:23.860 just doing it for the sake of doing it like the value and actually the activity versus the completion

00:27:29.340 for sure and there's levels to it right right like so like a year ago just getting through like dude

00:27:35.380 no bullshit 75 hard a year ago is completely different than this year like last year i was in pain i was

00:27:40.900 hurting the whole time my fucking feet were fucked up like i was fucked up and it was hard it was hard

00:27:48.540 dude like hard hard this year it's been different because i get me a different mind space i'm like

00:27:53.920 it doesn't matter how hard it is i'm fucking doing it right and so i don't really give that voice any

00:28:00.320 sort of platform to speak you know the bitch voice i talk about it doesn't really speak anymore and if it

00:28:05.760 does it gets silence and i think that's the whole thing right the whole thing is training our brains

00:28:10.240 to recognize and a lot of people call this awareness or whatever and that's another term people

00:28:17.840 completely misunderstand right um but you have to become aware that you have two internal voices we

00:28:25.840 all do some of us have a lot more you know

00:28:27.820 you guys only have two voices yeah i'm one of those i got a few more but yeah it's harder the

00:28:35.600 more you have the harder it is yeah but i think all humans distinctly have a strong voice which i

00:28:42.580 call the boss voice which is the voice that tells you the things that you should do that you know you

00:28:48.560 should do yep and then you have the bitch voice which is the comfort voice that's the voice that tells

00:28:53.900 you when you get home after working eight hours you know pouring concrete you know you're supposed

00:28:58.700 to work out which by the way i've done that shit so i know what that's like it's really hard sucks

00:29:05.000 yeah and and when you get home and you sit on the couch and you're like fuck i'm not you know what i'll

00:29:11.740 just do it tomorrow that's your bitch voice yeah that is your bitch voice and if you listen to that

00:29:15.380 voice it will affect your relationships it will affect your income it will affect your physique and it

00:29:21.060 will affect your happiness yeah we were just talking about this the other day so we're going

00:29:24.760 to this cardio walk and this is my first like i call it my first legit round of 75 hard but we were

00:29:30.540 walking we're just getting started maybe like five ten minutes into it and he's like dj why are you so

00:29:35.740 quiet and like dude i'm trying to tell my body to shut the fuck up you know but i mean it's a real

00:29:40.520 thing you know and like i think that power and that is is for me it's been amazing and i found myself i

00:29:45.180 told any of this i'm like dude like i get i get a lot of dms of people just reaching out to me

00:29:49.240 trying to reach out to andy right and that's cool i like it that's cool but you know it's the

00:29:53.360 same message it's like dude i love you so much you changed my life and like the other day i took

00:29:58.020 my like i was really looking at my progress pitch from from day one to where i'm at now

00:30:02.300 and i mean dude look it looks good and i found myself being one of those people like like dude

00:30:07.260 and like seriously like thank you you know i'm saying but like i mean it's been awesome for me

00:30:11.960 i've never felt a long way to go oh yeah yeah and we're gonna keep getting there yeah

00:30:16.240 every single day uh the you talk about the bitch voice i've always talked about it as the natural

00:30:21.160 man yeah i've said this to the guys for a long time it's like you think about what the natural

00:30:24.980 man is and the term i use a lot is battle like it's a battle and and every time i use that word

00:30:30.220 there's somebody who says oh it's just hyperbole and it's not life's not really a battle i'm like

00:30:34.200 it is for me it is for me because look i want to eat all the chips and salsa i want to i want the

00:30:39.300 results without the effort i want to be weak i want to be pathetic i want to be lazy that's the guy

00:30:43.640 naturally just want to be me too that's the path of least resistance yeah and so every day i

00:30:48.620 personally need to battle between that guy the natural man and the version of myself that i want

00:30:54.080 to be like the potential that i have to become and our actions regardless of how insignificant they may

00:30:59.600 seem push us one way or the other you're right here in the middle if you decide to bitch out today

00:31:04.840 on anything whether it's having a difficult conversation making an extra sales call going and

00:31:10.340 doing your workout not eating the chips and salsa that's going to move you one way if you win the

00:31:16.120 battle you win that campaign it's going to move you towards that ideal version of yourself which is

00:31:21.620 where the confidence comes from and the and like you were saying dj the ability to see it and then

00:31:26.860 you're like oh shit this is working i can actually do this tomorrow it's like we always say the work

00:31:31.460 comes before the belief yes right you got to do the work and then when you start to see it working

00:31:36.060 then you start believing right and a lot of people don't realize they try to put the belief in front

00:31:40.220 of the work and it dude it and then they think there's something wrong with them right because

00:31:44.180 every fucking self-help guru out there yeah for the most part tells them you're perfect the way you

00:31:51.140 are well then why do i feel so bad right you know what i'm saying right like that you guys have to

00:31:56.420 understand that like if you're out there right now and you're saying now dude if you're happy

00:32:00.760 like legitimately if you can look in the mirror and you're happy and let's just say you're 100 pounds

00:32:05.020 overweight i support that go ahead it's your body it's your choice i want to live a little bit

00:32:10.960 longer that's my thing right all right i'm naturally a fat dude i've been fat my whole life i've been

00:32:16.520 350 pounds you know i've been 330 a couple times after luke you know what i'm saying like i know what

00:32:23.440 that feels like i've had enough of it dude i mean isn't that the biggest thing right is what's relative

00:32:27.480 to each individual yeah right i mean i think that's a huge thing right i mean we talk about this a bunch

00:32:31.960 like working out it's like you know i mean dude like i could be bench pressing 225 and that's

00:32:36.680 fucking tough for me yeah you could be throwing up 315 for reps you know i'm saying but it's like

00:32:41.520 that doesn't mean i'm not working my ass off that's that conversation we always joke about that joke

00:32:45.920 we always the work is relative too no no no how to tie it's hot yeah it's fucking hot no it's not

00:32:51.300 no you don't know what heat you never lived in utah you know main yeah main try that's the whole

00:32:56.660 problem with the world exactly you can't accept each other's reality that's right like we don't

00:33:01.960 understand that everybody wants to one-up each other yeah bro what ryan thinks is hot is different

00:33:06.900 than what dj thinks is hot and it's different what i think is hot but fuck i mean it's fucking hot for

00:33:11.140 all of us right everybody's uncomfortable that's right that's right i think that's the beauty of the

00:33:16.280 75 hard list though right i mean it's like it's scalable it's relative to what you can do right i mean

00:33:21.220 dude and that's the thing people don't like i get i the the the misunderstanding information

00:33:26.040 questions comments i get from people are there's no way uh look man my fucking mom can do it my mom's

00:33:33.500 in her 60s yeah you know i'm saying like dude we've had people in their 70s do we've had people

00:33:38.840 that are 400 pounds do it 500 pounds look it's scalable right it's all relative scalable like this

00:33:45.080 is not like people hear the two workouts a day and they think well they got to go out and run a

00:33:49.460 marathon twice a day well no shit nobody can do that fuck man i can't even run a motherfucking

00:33:53.740 mile there's there's two people and we talked about them earlier who can do that nobody else can do

00:33:57.640 that that's right that's right those are the two only dudes i know seriously yeah and they probably

00:34:01.900 got more than two voices in their head i'll tell you that yeah they both do you know what they're

00:34:07.920 both fucking great dudes oh they are solid as they come yep so yeah man i don't know i i feel

00:34:15.260 i feel like everybody and i'm not saying this because it's it's my program but i feel like

00:34:20.800 everybody needs to find a way to 75 hard is a great way to do this but needs to find a way to

00:34:28.200 treat their brain just like you would treat your body and i'm working out you know what i mean

00:34:33.420 and once you start to tie so like for me what i do is i tie my entire fucking success in life

00:34:39.960 to the littlest tiniest detail like a lot of people make fun of me about like what i say about

00:34:45.100 the piss droplets on the seat or the bolts or whatever you pick up off the ground i purposefully

00:34:48.820 use that example because it's absurd right but it's i really do it and what i what i do this is

00:34:56.180 what i tell myself like dude if i fucking you know a little p drop goes on the seat and it's my own

00:35:00.600 bathroom i tell myself a couple things one i'm like well fuck dude i better wipe that up because

00:35:05.140 what if ryan comes in and use the bathroom right right so like i had accountability one yeah number

00:35:11.680 two uh i i if i walk out of that room and sometimes i do that's that's the thing sometimes i do leave

00:35:19.540 it there and i'll walk three or four feet out the room and i'll fucking turn around and go back and do

00:35:23.920 it because my my boss voice the voice in my head is so tuned that it's actually screaming at me and

00:35:31.300 saying bro you are gonna fucking lose everything you own you get that you go down that road have

00:35:35.720 you ever done something i can't even think of an example right now where you do it you see what

00:35:38.720 i'm saying like i totally tie you have to tie a bigger a bigger reason bigger picture than just

00:35:45.540 like i want six pack abs right like that's not big enough reason the the reason has to be like bro

00:35:50.540 if i don't fucking go wipe that little thing up then my whole life is gonna fall apart because i'm

00:35:54.840 going down that road of shitty habits you know and i don't know it works for me i think you uh when

00:36:00.680 you do that you get to this point and i think this is a winning point when you do something out

00:36:04.880 of integrity yeah like leave the p drop droplets on the toilet yeah and then you you like walk out

00:36:10.360 of the room and it just sits in your brain and nags at you like dude what are you doing what are

00:36:15.260 you doing and you're like fuck it yeah yeah and you just go back and fix it right and so you know

00:36:20.020 you're like cool i'm on the right track yes yes that that voice is now winning yes dude that's a

00:36:25.660 powerful shit yeah and most people never get to that point most people never get to that

00:36:30.300 talk themselves out of it right because their brain will say hey look you messed up you didn't

00:36:34.680 do the project right or you didn't finish and most people will try to like actively talk themselves out

00:36:40.340 of like no i know i'm tired i'll do it tomorrow nobody will ever see it i remember i had a painter

00:36:45.260 come in and he was painting our office and it was like up in the corner and it was going to be

00:36:49.940 with some trim or something and he's like hey i'm all done here i'm like what about that

00:36:53.880 and he's like oh it's okay nobody will see that and i said yeah you're right i see you're right

00:37:00.260 yeah but and you know what i won't even see it as the guy who hired you i won't even see it but

00:37:05.460 you'll see it yeah like doesn't that shit bother you no no no that to me boggles my mind how does

00:37:11.760 that not bother you dude it's people just have to go through that process man i guess it a lot of

00:37:16.300 people don't yeah they just never do right and it does make you extremely critical of people that

00:37:22.220 are like that well you have to be able to offer some some grace and understand like you were

00:37:27.000 saying earlier not everybody's at the same page and not everybody has the desire you know i have

00:37:31.040 people reach out to me every day oh well not everybody has to be like you bro i'm not saying

00:37:35.840 they have to all i'm saying is this is how i want to be and if this is how you want to be and you want

00:37:41.520 to do it together let's do it together we'll hold each other accountable if you don't think what i

00:37:45.660 share is valuable then no follow cool find find andy or find whoever that you think is more

00:37:51.040 valuable and then do that i don't care yeah no dude i think uh i think that's uh missing quality

00:37:58.340 in the world right now is the ability to understand that you know there's a lot of people out there

00:38:03.720 that are just sharing with you what they do and if you want to do it okay if you want to listen okay

00:38:10.320 if you don't okay too i think that comes down to um have you read the four agreements oh yeah yeah

00:38:16.320 it's probably one of the best books ever written yeah uh don miguel ruiz right and he said i think

00:38:21.080 one of them is uh and i don't know what rule it is or agreement it is but don't take anything

00:38:25.420 personally yeah and that's where we're at right now is that everything is so personal to people

00:38:30.480 like i could post something about like i posted a podcast with mike ritland today he's a dog trainer

00:38:35.540 he was a navy seal and he trained dogs i could post that and i guarantee somebody on my post said

00:38:41.080 why do you hate cats yeah bro it's not personal i'm just saying i said how dogs can make you a

00:38:47.720 better man i think is what i titled it yeah and somebody's going to take it personal they're going

00:38:51.460 to take it out of context and think that i'm talking specifically about them like oh you don't

00:38:56.200 have a dog then you're less of a man yeah nobody's saying that yeah but that's how so many people

00:39:00.900 choose to take it no dude it's we're in a weird spot you know we have it's frustrating for

00:39:08.260 everybody because we have um you know we have a lot of turmoil and and disagreements going on right

00:39:16.040 now and we have a lot of people that don't know how to have a discussion you know they've spent their

00:39:19.740 whole life looking at a motherfucking smartphone they don't know how to talk so what do we see we

00:39:24.280 see tearing shit down crying screaming at top of their lungs literally knowing nothing about what

00:39:31.280 they're talking about and to anybody who actually understands like history and has been a consumer

00:39:39.420 of you know knowledge uh at a very fundamental level understands these things and it makes these

00:39:47.660 people look ridiculous and we're starting to see it right we're starting to see i think we've reached

00:39:52.120 that point yeah we're starting to see the the people we're starting to see people who are normally

00:39:55.980 um not saying anything and they're now now they're like you know what fuck all of you i'm not i'm not

00:40:01.400 i'm not down with that right you know we let you guys you know throw a temper tantrum and this and that

00:40:07.560 and now uh i just think you're ridiculous yep and what dude i think i was telling dj this yesterday

00:40:13.300 this is a big problem for people that they're not anticipating and i'm always trying to look you know

00:40:19.040 down the road where things people's actions are going to take them dude there's so many people

00:40:24.060 that are going to become unemployable because of the shit that they're posting on the internet right

00:40:28.520 now they hate they're posting on the internet did you see that gal she she threatened to i think

00:40:33.100 she threatened to stab people and then she got fired a couple days later maybe even a day later

00:40:37.340 she got fired she was crying and it's like what do you think yeah fuck you threatening people

00:40:42.080 you're literally threatening people that's what happens when you don't spank your motherfucking

00:40:45.340 kids bro that's the truth like dude this this putting kids in the corner and everybody wins a

00:40:51.060 fucking 47th place medal and everybody's told they're equal and all this shit has created that

00:40:56.900 and that's what we're dealing with yeah they don't understand accountability that girl graduated from

00:41:01.940 harvard and her brain she's as fucking smart as they come because that's what the world tells you

00:41:05.540 and the rest of the world the rest of the world knows you're a dumb fuck yeah that's the truth

00:41:09.940 period you know it's funny i had a i had a conversation with my oldest the other day and um i was

00:41:16.240 gonna post something about it and i'm like you know this that this was this was this was personal

00:41:19.760 but i do want to kind of share it because it's important as as a father he uh he's a little

00:41:24.380 overweight and he's been upset about it because he's liking girls now he's like worried about his

00:41:30.420 love you know so so he's like dad like i've been working really hard do i look better and i said well

00:41:36.300 what do you think he's like i don't think i look very good i said well you have some room to go

00:41:40.780 like you've done good yeah but you have some room to go yeah but i don't want to hear you complain

00:41:45.420 about you know being hungry later or being tired and not wanting to go work out yeah and it's funny

00:41:51.840 because i caught myself not wanting to share part of that story because i know people would say oh

00:41:55.880 you're just being mean to him i'm like dude you're talking about that part you don't want to share

00:42:00.140 that you must hate your children yeah what the fuck that people no people will say i can't believe

00:42:04.540 you tell him he's overweight and he's fat and this i'm like it's true he needs to know 12 he's old

00:42:09.820 enough he needs to know these things he needs to know the truth bro this is the whole problem we

00:42:14.440 try to we've had a generation of parents with they have a terrible parenting strategy in their brain

00:42:20.720 dude i've been talking about this as 2000 you know this is 2015 i've been saying the same

00:42:26.380 motherfucking shit we have 25 years of failed parenting strategy showing itself in society right

00:42:34.720 now yeah okay and that's the truth and you could get mad at it all you want but when you

00:42:39.720 don't tell your kids the truth and you tell them that they're always going to win and they're always

00:42:43.580 going to be special and they're this and they're that and then when they get in trouble at school

00:42:47.260 you take the kids side instead of the instead of the principal side yeah and all this shit to

00:42:51.420 protect them from having to answer to their actions you're setting them up to be just like

00:42:56.940 that girl that we just saw we were just talking about you know it's funny in uh in high school i think

00:43:01.180 i may have shared the story with you in high school i hate sharing the story because it makes me look

00:43:05.320 like people will fucking get on you for oh dude well you know i don't have kids so i don't know

00:43:09.740 yes it's it's oh you're supposed to build up a self-confidence that is how you build it that's

00:43:14.420 how you do it exactly that is how you build it what are you gonna tell him some bullshit look

00:43:18.540 what are you gonna tell the american idol syndrome how about this oh yeah son you look great you're

00:43:23.740 the best you look this and that and he knows it's a lie okay he answered it yeah no he fucking

00:43:29.820 already knows yeah so you tell him that he looks all great and everything and then now he thinks

00:43:35.640 that you're full of liar that's right right because he fucking knows i call it the american idol syndrome

00:43:40.180 you know when people go up and they start singing it's like who told you you could sing like how many

00:43:44.920 people in your life have told you that you can sing yeah because you believe that you and you can't

00:43:49.240 clearly you can't yeah i had this uh experience in high school uh my senior year i was playing

00:43:55.740 baseball i caught and like the third or fourth game my coach pulled me and i was having a bad

00:44:01.060 game no doubt but he pulled me and then he and he didn't put me in for a couple of games i'm like

00:44:06.040 what the hell is going on so i talked to my mom and she's and i say hey like coach pulled me whatever

00:44:11.540 but she's like i don't know what to tell you you need to talk to him yeah i i thought she'd be on my

00:44:17.320 side no like she's like i don't know go talk to him and handle it so i went and talked to my coach

00:44:24.420 and he said did you train in the off season did you do this this and this and i had to look him in

00:44:28.460 the eye and say no i didn't do any of that he's like and that's why i pulled you well so he told

00:44:32.780 me and i always in fact we're still friends today 20 years later he said so you can either be part of

00:44:39.440 this team and you can help that sophomore catch and you can train him or you can quit those are your

00:44:47.940 two choices and i fortunately i respected him enough my mom got on my face and said okay i'm

00:44:54.280 gonna i'm gonna train so i spent my senior year of baseball coaching the catcher where i should have

00:45:00.060 been catching yeah because i had an adult who was willing to say and do what needed to be done

00:45:05.340 rather than acquiesce and try to make me feel good about myself yeah when i shouldn't have and not only

00:45:09.920 that what that teach you about being part of a team right and what that teach you about leadership

00:45:13.940 totally it's pretty weird where you are now right well that's the thing you think about it in the

00:45:18.400 context of an 18 year old kid 17 in high school and you're like my life is over now i look at it and

00:45:22.940 think that was actually a damn good experience for me yeah because my baseball career wasn't going

00:45:27.580 anywhere anyway do you know dude no that's that's where you get built exactly like that thing where

00:45:32.380 you tell your kid the truth and you know that might be hard and look parents don't like to do this

00:45:39.240 shit because it hurts right it hurts them that's what i'm saying yeah it's a selfish act

00:45:43.760 it is selfish yes and so you know i don't want to tell like dude i look at it like young employees

00:45:49.400 right like i got some young employees uh some of them sitting right here all right one of them

00:45:54.060 sitting right there to my left and sometimes he don't do exactly what he's supposed to do and i'll

00:45:59.820 fucking say no that sucks and when i tell you today you sent me some stuff today and i said no

00:46:05.380 keep going right people don't like to hear that and it's good and i don't like telling them that

00:46:10.780 no you think i like fucking telling them that dude but the thing is is that's my role yeah all

00:46:15.980 right and and we have to get comfortable as americans as parents and i'm speaking you know

00:46:22.000 as a parent of our children here at the fucking office because we got a lot of them yeah but

00:46:28.180 dude we have to be comfortable telling people the truth so that they can get better if you care

00:46:33.480 about them that's yeah dude and like that's nothing most people respond well to that dude i think so

00:46:37.780 they do that's the key right i mean it said my expectations higher than you setting for yourself

00:46:42.140 but dj it's it's people aren't willing to do it because it hurts them that's what it is it's not

00:46:47.900 about the other person like dude you you guys yeah and it and so we it's just like the self-love

00:46:52.460 fucking narrative yeah we've built this narrative that says it's a it's a failed parenting strategy

00:46:57.780 we'll be talking about dude there's no accountability if you don't teach your kids to be accountable

00:47:03.300 we'll be responsible like that i posted a meme yesterday where it had like five mirrors on the wall

00:47:07.280 and i said and i said it was like in a kid's classroom and i said if uh i said if i become

00:47:12.420 president i'm gonna make uh every this is my first executive order it's gonna be in every classroom

00:47:17.280 grades one through eight and i i mean it that's what i would do you know why because that's what's

00:47:22.040 missing right now yeah we could tear apart all these different problems in society we could fucking

00:47:26.720 talk about the bullshit going on with the mask and the division and the racism and all these things

00:47:33.460 that are negative you know the covid and all the theories and the the the bullshit that comes down

00:47:40.680 to it but the real reason why that that all those people are able to instill those fears on us is

00:47:46.560 because we never took responsibility for who the fuck we were and so it makes it easy to look at the

00:47:51.800 government and say well lord government tell me what i need to do right and so we've transitioned and

00:47:58.600 this has been done on purpose by the way we've transitioned from a self-accountability culture

00:48:05.180 to a culture that naturally looks for the answer of what to do to from the government right and that's

00:48:13.180 what we're seeing right now you know and and so if we want to fix the problem guys it's a 20-year

00:48:18.880 process that's what nobody wants to hear like if you really want to fix the problem of what's going on

00:48:23.340 right now with the division and the hate and this bullshit that the government's putting on us and

00:48:29.100 all this shit this starts in the classroom which is why 20 years ago they took the pledge out and

00:48:35.940 they took you know so like dude if you guys want shit to fix understand it's going to take time and

00:48:41.560 it's going to start with the kids right now well and i actually posted something about that the other

00:48:45.460 day about how important it is that we we as as men because i talk primarily to men but women too

00:48:50.240 uh we have a lot of badass women to listen to this show for sure yeah yeah raise it's your job

00:48:56.140 mother father whatever coach mentor brother big brother big sisters program i don't care what

00:49:01.460 capacity is it's your job to raise these future generations and to have real conversations like

00:49:06.060 my son this one was crazy he came to me the other day we were working on we were we were building a

00:49:11.700 new barn door and him and i were working out in the barn together and he says hey dad um need to ask you

00:49:17.380 a question i'm like okay what's up and i'm getting a little nervous because i'm like he's gonna ask me

00:49:22.080 something that's really uncomfortable and sure enough he's like what's a blow job oh man and i'm

00:49:28.760 like oh and i caught myself i'm like well let's get this project you know like a yeah yeah and i was

00:49:34.280 like no am i address it now i want he i want hit first he feels comfortable enough to ask me which i'm

00:49:40.360 like that's cool yeah because it's probably awkward for him too that's my job yeah yeah like i don't want

00:49:45.460 his buddies answering that question no i want to answer that question yeah and i want to frame it

00:49:50.260 in the right context that's right and and i i want to i'm okay with being a little uncomfortable

00:49:56.680 yeah so that he's set up on the right track look son looks it's fucking amazing i'll tell you that

00:50:01.520 yesterday okay blow drop was yes like dj

00:50:04.880 but yeah i mean i know it's kind of an interesting look on it but but that's that is the truth these

00:50:19.600 are the conversations whether it's drugs or pornography or alcohol or how to be responsible

00:50:23.840 for your actions or telling the truth like you're not where you could be you have potential but you're

00:50:28.680 not reaching it right now and here's how you can do it these are the conversations that we need to

00:50:32.780 have with our kids yeah and you said it best is the only reason you wouldn't want to do that

00:50:37.360 is because you're selfish and you don't want to be awkward and uncomfortable it has nothing to do with

00:50:43.020 them that's right that's right can i can i yeah man so what was your what was your answer

00:50:47.360 uh that's a good question because i stumbled over it you went to that black space yeah i was like

00:50:54.120 where do i go everything got black no man and it just came out basically i woke up

00:51:00.660 i'm expecting my first child oh yeah well you got a little while hopefully but um

00:51:06.520 i i told him exactly what it was i didn't lie to him i said this is what this is the act okay this is

00:51:11.640 the physical act yeah and this is the expression and and sex and sexual acts are are good in the

00:51:18.200 right context they're an important expression of love it feels good which means that there's

00:51:23.640 something right about it right so in the right context in the right environment there's all kinds

00:51:28.840 of things right about it let's totally but i can't shy away from that right like bro that's

00:51:34.140 that's real man shit and so some people would say well you know i don't i don't want to talk about or

00:51:38.280 you shouldn't do it till you're married which okay maybe that's true but it's not really true but

00:51:42.420 still no but i mean yeah it but it's also about teacher real life that's what i'm saying yeah it's

00:51:48.560 like you could you could cop out and say oh i'll tell you later or just make sure it's with the

00:51:54.220 right he's gonna go to google talk with her or talk with him about it and figure and or her or

00:51:58.660 whatever you know and i think that's the biggest thing especially in parenting right there's this

00:52:02.920 disconnect you have so many parents saying don't do this when that's not what the fuck they did

00:52:07.500 you know what i'm saying and like like that's a disconnect like well if you be honest with your

00:52:10.880 kids i mean and tell them where you messed up yeah like i did this that's right so instead of

00:52:15.620 lying and saying oh you shouldn't do that and say you know what i actually did that yeah and here's

00:52:21.460 why it was wrong and here's what i found out so this is why i'm advising you not to do that that's

00:52:25.600 how my dad taught us is that right yeah exactly like that like i can remember a specific example

00:52:29.880 like um everybody knows that i smoke marijuana because i talk about it all the time um but i don't

00:52:36.560 have never done any other drugs like i don't do ecstasy i've never done cocaine that's not and the

00:52:42.500 reason why the truth the real reason why there's two reasons why one i see what it does to people

00:52:49.340 because i've had it in my family and i've had people go to prison for 15 years for that kind

00:52:54.920 of stuff and i don't like that and the second thing is um it looks like people enjoy it a whole

00:53:01.780 lot and i'm one of those people that when you find something that like i'll be taking to the

00:53:05.660 extreme that's right so i know like the minute i fucking put one little granule that shit in my

00:53:10.560 nose my life is over it's over yeah so i never have and i wouldn't and uh but my dad is the one

00:53:18.300 that kind of like gave me the lesson on that you know like he caught me smoking weed one time

00:53:23.200 and he pretended like he didn't know it was weed like he because i told him it was a cigarette you

00:53:27.220 know like everybody knows this is how are you i was like 17 it's funny we can think we think we

00:53:31.800 can fool our parents that way yeah like yeah so i fucking was like he's like what were you smoking

00:53:37.240 we were down at the end of the driveway i'm like fuck a cigarette and he's like oh you're smoking

00:53:42.360 what do you think this is my first rodeo like you know like and i'm like and i thought like i had

00:53:46.220 a fool i'm like no dad cigarette you bought it yeah now he didn't buy it so but i remember having

00:53:51.540 a conversation like a week later where he and he probably doesn't even remember this but me and

00:53:56.020 chris were there my business partner chris was there and uh i don't know i think scott one of

00:54:01.220 one of my buddies he also works here um we're staying in the kitchen and he just started like

00:54:08.120 out of the blue brought up drugs like out of the blue this is your dad yeah my dad did and he

00:54:14.680 started talking about like how much weed that they smoked back in the day because like dude he

00:54:18.500 grew up like when that was like the thing you know he's like i already spoke weed you make it i think

00:54:23.680 it makes you dumb and he'll still say that he calls it marijuana brain and there's actually a lot of

00:54:27.680 studies that back that up we're being honest but there's just as many that say alcohol are that bad

00:54:32.660 too so let's i'll be fucking calm your calm your little shorts there all right but he said to me he's

00:54:38.360 like yeah he goes you know he goes the problem is is that that uh you know people graduate from

00:54:46.580 that into other things you know like how they used to say in the dare program it's the gateway

00:54:49.860 right because then they they and a lot of people will argue against that but it really is because

00:54:55.040 what it is is it's a relaxation of your where your line is like where's your line going to be right

00:54:59.860 is it going to be at zero or is it an alcohol is it a marijuana where does it end right and so he

00:55:06.260 was explaining that and he he he told us like that when he was in business you know in the 80s

00:55:11.080 that's what they did they fucking did cocaine and he's like he's like i'm telling you man he's like i

00:55:16.680 did it it's not that good uh he he said you'll feel good for a minute but you're the next couple

00:55:22.100 days you'll feel like shit and gave us like the whole real talk about it like not from like i caught

00:55:28.180 you smoking you yeah it was more like he just gave us what he thought and he didn't even say don't

00:55:33.100 ever do it he just said like look if i could go back i wouldn't do it that's why i don't do it now

00:55:37.980 and he gave us a real and that always stuck with me like that one conversation cemented like okay i'm

00:55:44.080 not gonna go there yeah you know what i'm saying and and that's probably had a huge impact on my life

00:55:49.160 because dude now i have the means to do literally anything i want and if i fucking happen to like

00:55:55.500 that shit what would my life look like what kind of person would i be what kind of leader would i be

00:55:59.040 you know what i'm saying so those conversations are extremely important um and it you know you

00:56:06.200 might not be as if you're listening to this you know and you're thinking well fuck i need to have

00:56:10.320 a couple conversations you know you might not be as slick as my dad was be able to like because

00:56:14.460 i know he purposefully brought it up he flint he flint like jock would say right he flint yes

00:56:20.040 right exactly totally a great a great flank and yeah and uh and so i but that was such a

00:56:28.680 like i'm i'm just giving my perspective that was such a powerful conversation in my life and i think

00:56:35.800 now looking back it's been it's been one of the conversations probably a dozen conversations that's

00:56:41.900 shaped my life yeah and that just shows you guys right out right now like if you're struggling as a

00:56:47.280 parent or even a leader in any sort and you're avoiding having these conversations you're really

00:56:53.980 doing you're really first of all the reason you're avoiding is because of you not because of them you're

00:56:59.840 not scared you're going to hurt their feelings you're scared it's going to feel weird to tell them

00:57:03.320 and you know you have to understand that that's what people who really care do they have difficult

00:57:11.200 conversations so i actually think that's one of the things that makes a leader a leader like a leader

00:57:16.260 leader is the one who's willing to have the conversation if you want to be a leader start

00:57:20.500 having real conversations about real issues and i guarantee people will start following

00:57:24.900 my teacher don't bitch i'm gonna get millions watch this in the project living down spoke it till

00:57:30.480 existed

00:57:30.900 while i'm from where you can't trust you so welcome

REAL AF with Andy Frisella - July 09, 2020

54. Uncomfortably Comfortable Ft. Ryan Michler - Part 1

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