The Comment Section with Drew Afualo

00:00:00.000 this is gonna sound morbid but it's not meant to be i can't wait till you and i are ancestors

00:00:03.780 right i'm gonna be so good generations from now they have no idea what's gonna happen when we're

00:00:08.260 on their side i'm gonna be like mushu bitch we are gonna be everything i'm gonna be seriously

00:00:12.720 i'm gonna be mean but i'm gonna be gentle we're gentle holding your hand

00:00:15.760 hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show sorry me your fave

00:00:26.140 everybody knows me who cares about me on to the guest today we have the iconic the legendary

00:00:31.100 the fantastic the amazing karamo brown

00:00:34.200 um i care deeply about you so i kind of wanted your intro no i'm joking i love you i'm like i'm a fan

00:00:41.980 you've earned it okay i am a huge fan well the the beginning of every episode i always call it like

00:00:48.060 i just jerk off my guests because i'm huge fans of all my guests but i have been a fan of you for

00:00:53.860 years thank you not in a weird way in a very admirable way i would take a weird way

00:00:58.300 all right fine it was weird yeah you can be weird with me okay but i'm so honored to have you i'm so

00:01:05.140 glad you could come on the show and hang out with us we were talking about before someone was trying

00:01:09.000 to keep us separate because i said yes immediately and you were like bitch i tried to get you here a

00:01:12.720 while ago yeah i was like it wasn't me we're gonna find out who it was yeah and your team's here

00:01:17.480 exactly and we're gonna and i'm we're gonna fight someone's turning red over there by the way

00:01:22.820 yeah but you are a busy busy busy man so i'm not surprised she tries to keep a coin right okay have

00:01:29.500 to you have especially now yeah and the world needs you especially now thanks so i would love i know i'm

00:01:36.560 very familiar with your background and your lore but for those that aren't i would love obviously most

00:01:41.300 people know you from queer eye yes which is fantastic yeah um i would love to know just your journey

00:01:45.700 into this business how you became to be the karamo oh my gosh um i mean well she was just a poor

00:01:52.220 little um girl from you know um no seriously i was just i grew up like super poor and like super

00:01:58.880 like tough life you know like you know like my parents are not from this country we had no money

00:02:05.820 um i mean like my father was abusive it was like a lot of that um i told the world i was gay at 15

00:02:12.500 and then it just made my life chaotic then because like having family not from this country

00:02:17.340 they did not like it i'm the only boy really and it was just like oh my gosh what's going on but

00:02:23.100 within that i just kept believing that something had to be better and that has always been the core

00:02:28.340 crutch of my life is that something has to be better yeah i would tell myself two things every

00:02:32.480 day which is something has to be better and if this yahoo can do it then so can i i've been saying

00:02:37.720 those things forever so to this day when i see something i want i'm like well that yahoo can do

00:02:41.980 it then i can like and so you know just all those things led me to be like i want to be able to be

00:02:48.960 there for myself but i also want to be there for other people and it led me to a career in social

00:02:52.000 services which then one day i wanted to be in tv and my family said tv is not a real job

00:02:57.140 and i was like i'll show you what a real job is you're okay well i guess we'll see then okay we'll see

00:03:02.380 then you'll see then you know what i mean and then it led me to getting my first job with oprah

00:03:07.840 hosting a show yeah which by the way they fired me from and the ep of that show told me that i was

00:03:14.040 not a good host and i would never host ever again she kept on the two other girls and how do you think

00:03:18.280 they feel now uh pretty fucking silly i've actually seen them and i'm like thanks for the encouragement

00:03:23.700 girl you said you're actually the reason why i worked even harder thank you for making me who i am

00:03:28.740 because i was like oh really um and then you know got queer eye um changed my category around

00:03:36.400 and then got a talk show going in season three right now and that's just where i'm at just you

00:03:43.740 know and it all worked out exactly the way you always knew it would yes yes because i do believe

00:03:50.240 if you don't believe it first then nobody else is you're so me girl i feel the same way manifestation

00:03:56.380 is so powerful it is real and the words you say to yourself words you say to yourself and

00:04:01.080 i people don't understand it's called self everything starts with self and if your self

00:04:06.020 is not right yeah everything else around you is going to not work yeah and then you're going to

00:04:10.260 look at yourself and be like why is this not working girl because self is not working yeah yeah it's like

00:04:14.380 when you're not right nothing's right nothing's right yeah totally so when you when you transitioned

00:04:18.640 from hosting like just the show that you got fired from to queer eye what was that transition

00:04:24.720 like how did you feel after you got fired because i've actually gotten fired i got fired right before

00:04:28.420 i started doing this for a living did you really yeah i swear to god i got fired from what i thought

00:04:33.980 was my dream job yeah at the time and obviously looking back now i know that that was not my job

00:04:40.240 yeah and i i say it all the time i worked at the nfl um i wanted to be in sports journalism so that

00:04:44.900 was like my goal and then i describe it now as like i climbed the mountain and i just didn't like

00:04:49.780 the view oh that's cute i just wasn't sure where to go that is cute i'm coming for your gig

00:04:55.780 mama girl no come for it come for it girl oh i live there's room enough on top of this view girl

00:05:02.620 right we can all be right and i you know when you you work that long and hard towards something and

00:05:07.720 then it gets taken from you as opposed to you leaving it i was truly like at a loss like i was

00:05:12.040 like well what do i do now and i have i'm not someone i don't know if you could tell but i'm not

00:05:17.160 someone who struggles with confidence especially in what i do like i'm very confident about what i

00:05:21.320 do and where i'm going and who i am yeah and so i'd never felt that kind of like lost before i've

00:05:26.880 never i'd never felt anything like that so i know now i agree that's how it was right it was so i'm

00:05:31.740 curious now how you felt at the time the same as you did really i was very i just felt like kind of

00:05:35.300 like what is this you know what i mean because i'm a person we put into the work we do the work yeah

00:05:40.920 we're we're confident we're sure yeah and then when someone else doesn't see or we don't the vision

00:05:46.280 we saw like you said the view got up there it wasn't there in my case the view was it i was

00:05:50.380 like i can stay here period i was like i'm working for oprah girl yeah let's make this like this is

00:05:54.900 the first step you know what i mean like and and so when my view got taken away um that i thought

00:06:01.520 was the view i had to reframe quickly and realize that there was a better view right yeah versus where

00:06:07.180 you were like no this is not what i want yeah it didn't it didn't feel like it once i was up there

00:06:11.800 yeah mine was like okay then well now that i've gotten a taste of this view i know that there's

00:06:16.020 another view out there an even better one a better one and so it's you know it's in those moments of

00:06:21.420 doubt that you just really have to hold on to self right yeah and that's all i did i just went home

00:06:27.080 and i was like i was like something's gotta be better and i literally went on um and this is no

00:06:31.300 shade to him but i went on tv my best friend's here of 25 years best friend trey and i was like i saw

00:06:35.320 ryan secrets on tv and i was like if this yahoo is doing this shit i could do this and i don't even and i'm not

00:06:39.600 calling ryan secrets yeah yeah no shade because i i've admired him i think he's amazing um i feel

00:06:44.960 you though yeah but i was like i get it i was like if he's if this is how i was doing i know i can get

00:06:48.660 another job i was like i know i can get another job girl like this is i can host i know i can't right

00:06:54.700 exactly exactly you want to hear a funny thing about ryan secrets that i know i would love to hear

00:06:59.820 it share it with us can i share this please do and if you want to cut it later we can no we don't

00:07:03.960 anything i say no i'm telling your team to make it feel better i'm an open book you can keep it

00:07:08.320 everything in there you'll never get that um so so i have this funny joke with my kids that is real

00:07:14.320 now yeah that i put in my will that when i died i want to be cremated and for them to get my money

00:07:20.500 they have to put my ashes on ryan secrets lawn and i swear to god this is in my will i'm not even

00:07:27.600 joking with you i think i sent my son a copy of it because he didn't believe me so funny i'm gonna

00:07:32.360 find this for you really i love please do i love a bit that makes it all the way oh hold on you said

00:07:38.000 i'm gonna be annoying even in death okay so hold on here even in the afterlife this is legit hold on

00:07:44.400 here i come right i'm sorry it's doing some autofill for him but you can read it okay it says i would

00:07:48.840 like my body cremated my ashes should be given to my son jason for him to spread a bit on ryan's

00:07:54.160 secrets lawn if permissible so that is in print that is like actually in my will that if i die

00:08:04.720 my ashes will be on ryan's secrets lawn and by the way i've met ryan's secrets he's a great guy and he

00:08:09.940 has no idea that my son this is where he's gonna find out he's gonna find us out right now oh sorry

00:08:17.160 i just totally went sideways no i love that that's the best part of the that's the best part of the

00:08:20.840 show honestly you want to hear my invisible string to you with ryan's secrets yes ryan's secrets was

00:08:25.120 like the first serious interview i did where my like my dad like the older men in my family were

00:08:33.660 like oh you're so funny that was the one it's like oh it's him it's right yeah i was like i've been

00:08:43.600 profiled by like buzzfeed and like at that point i had all these other people writing articles about

00:08:48.280 me but ryan's secrets was the one yeah the older men in my family were like hell yeah ryan's secrets

00:08:53.820 had us all in a chokehold right i agree 18 years right i mean i still love ryan secrets again right

00:08:59.860 we're big fans that he had on all of us going from idol to e right and a monopoly on the hosting

00:09:06.780 gigs girl she said i'm taking every coin everywhere ever i turn and look i see him okay so i don't blame

00:09:13.440 you for being like i could do that yeah i'm like that yahoo i'm doing that shit i'm like girl i'm

00:09:18.200 getting this money yeah oh i was big fan of american idol too i remember american idol the only season i

00:09:23.600 ever voted on the phone for american idol was for fantasia because i wanted me too look at our

00:09:30.280 invisible string because i it was the only season because i was um because i'm i was so pissed about

00:09:37.240 that final three me too i literally then was like she gotta win she gotta win i literally we took

00:09:43.100 like the house we had one house phone yeah and i was like telling my parents we have to vote we have

00:09:49.000 to call and vote our vote matters yo they understand what they did they activated people of color in a

00:09:54.460 way they did not know they act they really they mobilized us just like in 2008 yeah oh my gosh

00:10:02.120 that's so funny oh well i love i love that you're so driven by like purpose and i i love that have you

00:10:08.380 always been that self-assured i have i have i love that it's really because when you grow up with

00:10:13.440 nothing you're the way that i related to my trauma is that i didn't deserve it and so i knew early on

00:10:21.340 that i didn't deserve the things that were happening to me yeah and some people fall into a mindset where

00:10:26.560 they relate to their traumas like this is just me this is what this is just my life and i knew very

00:10:30.440 early on to tell myself i don't deserve this yeah and when you know you don't deserve this it gives

00:10:34.860 you this sort of drive and purpose to know you have to go after something so totally all through

00:10:38.780 high school and middle school i was always successful college i was always like an overachiever

00:10:43.020 yeah because i knew that if my circumstances were going to give me what i wanted i had to do the work

00:10:47.840 for myself yeah um and but it started with that mind that shifted my mindset of like i don't deserve

00:10:53.600 this yeah and even to this day i still wake up and i evaluate every week i end my weekend it's not

00:10:59.200 no bullshit i end my week we're asking what happened this week that i don't deserve and i

00:11:02.980 promise you it really makes me just it shifts like people being in my life it shifts career

00:11:08.260 choices it shifts everything because i love that because people don't evaluate it enough we feel

00:11:12.220 like that we just have to go with it oh i'm at work this is what it happens that's how it's going

00:11:16.560 oh we've been in a relationship for so long yeah i guess it's just what it is yeah no girl i don't

00:11:22.260 deserve this oh you at work talking to me like you crazy girl i don't deserve this girl let me

00:11:26.580 let me figure out what we got to do here either you got to go i got to move on right that's actually

00:11:31.400 so real too because even when i was when i was working at the nfl and i was unhappy i'm also not

00:11:37.600 someone who deviates unless i have a plan like i'm not someone who's who's impulsive like i'm very like

00:11:43.020 i plan everything out yeah and so i knew i was gonna work at the nfl with no plan at all i knew i was

00:11:49.340 gonna work there when i was like 15 yeah so i believe i believed in myself enough right so i totally relate

00:11:55.200 to that too and then when i was there i always say the worst thing that job took for me was like

00:11:59.640 my self-assuredness because i started to doubt myself and i've never been that way or like my

00:12:04.080 gut instinct i always call it like my third eye yes like my third eye always knows like always knows

00:12:09.080 if something's not right if it doesn't feel right like you said if you don't deserve it yeah and so

00:12:12.740 i felt like while i was there sometimes i'm like you know i feel like the universe is always on my side

00:12:18.380 i feel like it's always looking out for me i always like say like my ancestors i think are always

00:12:21.640 looking out for me you and i are one in the same we really are when you were talking right now i was

00:12:25.040 like she's so me and you're so me girl yeah best friend is this not the shit i say yeah all the time

00:12:30.660 all the time you sound like me right if y'all want to know the like manifesto success girl just

00:12:35.780 like two hands right here we're telling you what we feel and what we i'm telling you like literally

00:12:40.300 yeah and i and i always feel like my ancestors are guiding me and they're always telling me stuff

00:12:43.900 and that's why i truly like believe my gut so severely same so if something feels off i know

00:12:48.660 it's off yep and i felt so off at that job and i wasn't leaving and so i feel like when i don't

00:12:54.560 listen like my ancestors just spartan kick me off yeah kick you off yeah yeah because i'm not listening

00:12:59.400 yeah and they fired me and i've never been fired before i've never like you i overachieved a lot in

00:13:05.000 school yeah i was i was always taking a lot of pride in like academics also i was an athlete too so

00:13:10.740 i was very like used to being like good at everything everything i put my mind to and commit

00:13:16.040 myself too i'm good at and i know i'll get but whether or not i keep it i think depends on

00:13:20.420 whether or not i'm supposed to have it that's kind of how i see it now at the time though i felt so like

00:13:25.480 unhappy because i was like i'm unhappy but i didn't want to get fired like i was like i'm so happy but i

00:13:30.700 didn't want to get fired i wanted to like leave on my own yeah yeah but then i realized too like

00:13:35.820 even when i left like i remember the next day my parents were like well first of all my the first

00:13:40.980 thing my dad said to me when i called him because my mom was busy so i had to call my dad

00:13:44.100 and my dad was like congratulations and i was like i don't know if that's like a good thing

00:13:49.320 yeah like a good thing my parents knew how unhappy i was so they were like happy well yeah they were

00:13:54.500 like well this is the best case scenario because now you can pursue something else like what you

00:13:58.060 really want to do and and i was like i thought that this is what i wanted to do like but apparently

00:14:03.020 it wasn't meant for me and so i remember good job to your mom right here for that mom high five my

00:14:08.300 mom's always here and uh i remember the next day they took me to disneyland to like try and cheer

00:14:14.240 me up and my mom bought me like a mug and she was like this is just to remind you that this wasn't

00:14:19.000 for you like something else is going to come something bigger something grander something

00:14:23.160 more important like something that you're actually supposed to do and then i started doing this like

00:14:26.900 probably a year later and it took off and it took off and now this is my true purpose yeah yeah to

00:14:32.840 suck my wiener is my true purpose i'm coming to realize okay no shade right by the way um this is

00:14:40.400 gonna sound morbid but it's not meant to be oh please i can't wait till you and i are ancestors

00:14:43.780 right i'm gonna be so good generations from now they have no idea what's gonna happen when we're on

00:14:48.380 their side i'm gonna be like mushu bitch we're gonna be everything i'm gonna be seriously i'm gonna be

00:14:53.160 mean but i'm gonna be with gentle we're gentle holding your hand but literally us as ancestors

00:14:58.300 right oh my god there's like three generations from now you might see this and some weird thing

00:15:04.440 and not know we're talking about you but we're literally watching out for you yeah i always and

00:15:08.000 i always know i'm like whatever they're planning for me i know is far better than what i have yes

00:15:12.940 of course and so back to you and back to queer eye i would love to know what your experience was

00:15:17.000 like first coming onto queer eye like how did you feel like what did that feel like being a part of

00:15:21.040 something obviously it's like the revamp of it when you initially got put on so i'm curious to

00:15:24.860 know how you felt well queer eye i've talked about this a little bit before queer eye in the beginning

00:15:27.920 for me was a little bit hard because really yeah it was because um when i came in i had a different

00:15:33.360 idea of what my category was and i've i've said this once before um we were in episode two

00:15:38.560 of season one and i episode one i had you know done what i do where i went deep um and talked to

00:15:45.740 somebody about their emotional state yeah and they started crying and episode two it happened

00:15:51.260 again and literally this person came into our trailer and kicked the door and said if you make

00:15:56.880 one more mother effing person cry you are off this show interesting and it was because the person who

00:16:03.840 had the role before the culture the the category culture was about exposing people to arts it was about

00:16:10.000 showing them broadway and you know these things and i was like no this needs to be about mental health

00:16:15.900 and i was like that's what i thought y'all hired me for yeah but this person was like no and it was

00:16:22.520 it was very difficult because i found myself being cut off and having deeper conversation but somehow

00:16:29.360 i was able to still shine it through yeah and then all i remember is that the show ended and all of a sudden

00:16:35.460 they sang just talking from i can't remember what it was to you're not crying i'm crying yeah and i was

00:16:42.120 like oh oh but you girls wanted me not to make the girls cry i thought no one was allowed to cry

00:16:49.200 nobody was allowed to cry oh and now y'all want to edit them all in oh and then now season three it's

00:16:55.240 like can you make the girls cry oh oh now now you want the tears girl oh um and so but in the

00:17:03.520 beginning it was me questioning when what i knew was right and what i knew this show needed for

00:17:09.520 evolution right because like my castmates are like phenomenal and like jonathan is jvn is one of the

00:17:13.920 funniest people i've ever seen answer is one of the most empathetic people i've ever known yeah um tan

00:17:19.720 is one of the most creative and and strong willed people i've ever met bobby was just so loving yeah and

00:17:25.140 endearing and i was just like i know that this show for being evolution where we're at needs a mental

00:17:30.900 health component yeah and um it was funny because it was not seen and i was told that i was wrong

00:17:38.000 and i just had to continue to do it yeah under the guise that i was told during episode two that they

00:17:43.840 were going to fire me yeah and you still stuck to it though because that's what your gut was telling

00:17:47.740 my gut was telling me yeah absolutely and so but that fear of knowing of feeling like okay this the

00:17:55.320 you know like i i believe in the law abundance yeah there will be something yeah same something

00:18:00.180 that we universe will provide god will provide answers provide i will provide yeah and so i was

00:18:05.820 like well i'm not gonna let this fear that you're trying to put on to me stop me from doing what i'm

00:18:10.780 supposed to do in this moment and if i'm only supposed to do it for one season or two yeah that's

00:18:15.500 what it is yeah and now we're in season nine so what so what and then the girl got a talk show off

00:18:22.060 of it okay so exactly so to that person who said in episode two eat it i'll tell you okay my wiener

00:18:31.080 suck my wiener there you go okay no shade i think that's i think that's uh so that was my journey yeah

00:18:37.560 i love that yeah i think that's incredible and i think that's also it speaks to what you were saying

00:18:42.360 earlier which is it all of the outside doesn't matter if the inside is rotten like if it's not

00:18:48.400 healed inside it's a temporary fix it's like a band-aid on a bullet hole kind of thing so and

00:18:53.520 that's what i always saw with the original show which i thought was i love the original show but

00:18:56.480 i was like we're not going deeper yeah like you can what i know to be true about any person i know

00:19:01.900 is that you can fix all the outside girl but if you ain't figured it out on the inside it's take

00:19:05.820 you about a week before you stop cutting your hair before you stop brushing your teeth that's why

00:19:10.720 most of these girls who think that they can fix men i'd be like girl you cannot fix him until he

00:19:14.580 wants to fix himself amen like no shade it's true you can't love someone into being a good person

00:19:20.000 you cannot love them into being a good partner you can't you can't yeah so they have to do that work

00:19:24.040 on their own yeah and so that's what my goal was for this is like let me help you to understand how

00:19:29.380 to do that so when anything else that comes in your life will be an addition to it will gain you more

00:19:34.080 yeah it's like uh the you can teach a man to fish kind of thing yep or like uh or you can feed

00:19:39.420 him with a fish and he'll eat for one day it's one of those things where like you said it's like

00:19:43.280 anything else that happens to you you can draw from this place because you're not going to be

00:19:48.540 there forever i'm not going to be there forever yeah so giving them the tools to be able to fix

00:19:52.400 it on their own yeah it's just as important yeah and i'll it's also i've kind of talked about this

00:19:56.720 too because i obviously do very similar things on on top of like ruining awful men's day on the

00:20:01.960 internet that is my purpose um that's my god-given talent um but past that i think a lot of times i

00:20:09.140 empower women and others like anyone who's marginalized especially by cis straight men

00:20:13.800 um you've empowered me period you've empowered me girl

00:20:17.020 and it's like uh it's one of those things where i've told them i can't tell you because sometimes

00:20:23.540 they'll say like how do i get a man like yours i want a man like yours like whatever right always

00:20:27.360 because obviously i am who i am and i have someone who loves me for who i am and i've told

00:20:32.660 them i can't tell you how to get a man like mine what i can tell you is that no one should ever

00:20:37.600 love you more than you love yourself and if you don't work on that you're never going to find

00:20:41.500 anyone worthy of you that's the only thing i can teach you really because that's the only thing

00:20:45.740 that matters non-stop and when i say the girls i always mean the guys and the girls yeah everyone

00:20:51.060 gays and girls like yeah i'm like um and it's the truth yeah i would love to know what's your what

00:20:57.240 do you think is your most asked question as far as like self-help um whether it's on your show

00:21:02.740 on queer eye in person well okay yeah well i'll tell you that i'll let me figure that out i'll tell

00:21:08.380 you the thing that i hear the most that i'm annoyed by oh please do i love the thing that i hear the

00:21:12.340 most is and that this is not just on my talk show i've heard this for years yeah is when i'm like well

00:21:17.740 why don't you leave well why don't you because you know my whole thing is about you do you understand

00:21:21.160 what you deserve yeah you know um is but karamo i love him yeah i have shot over 300 episodes in my

00:21:30.120 talk show and i promise you 80 of the time when i ask somebody why are you saying some stupid shit

00:21:34.500 they're like because karamo i love him but karamo i love him and i'm like do you love you okay yeah

00:21:42.200 doesn't sound like it that's the only that's your marker like that's it like i just asked you and

00:21:47.480 that's their one thing but you could have given me anything bitch you could have told me like like

00:21:51.580 you know what he gets up and he fucking cooks me breakfast every morning and i'm a fat ass and i need

00:21:54.800 my fucking food like i don't know anything yeah but i love him yeah girl you gotta get together um

00:22:01.800 let me see what's the question i hear of most you get annoyed by i i get annoyed and i and the reason

00:22:06.980 why is because i'm like well he doesn't love you and that's obvious obvious so what are we and that

00:22:12.420 is always my next response i'm like but you know he don't love you and they're like well yeah yeah yeah

00:22:16.680 i know but and but for me and not to go i'm gonna get back to your question because i'm thinking about it

00:22:20.400 but then that also leads into do you know the definition of love and i think that most people

00:22:25.420 have never truly defined what love is they have either a hollywood version of what they think love

00:22:30.040 is they either have a skewed version from the love that they saw in their households um and so they

00:22:36.580 don't know what love is and i always tell people if you can define what you deserve and you can define

00:22:41.720 what love is it will like you said lead you to a place where you love yourself and then you realize

00:22:46.920 that no one can love you more than you love you yeah otherwise the relationship will not work

00:22:52.180 absolutely um and that is such a key thing yeah um i hear that a lot too like what do i do like

00:22:59.320 sometimes it's kind of similar but not sometimes i get like what do i do if he just randomly got

00:23:04.240 really cheap and like what do i do if he just randomly start doing this and i always ask like how

00:23:09.620 long have y'all been together most times it's like two three years at at minimum yeah to which i'm

00:23:13.720 always i always say he didn't just get that way he's been that way and you can't take it anymore

00:23:20.700 those are that's different and i always say like people don't just get cheap overnight

00:23:24.480 like right and they don't and i've and i've told people like there is a fair amount of autonomy in

00:23:30.500 these in these situations because when you understand i am autonomous i'm choosing to be here

00:23:36.400 that's a lot harder to come to terms with than it would be to be like he treats me poorly right and

00:23:41.460 but instead of saying he treats me poorly and i'm okay with it that's why i stay here can i talk

00:23:45.680 about this really quickly please do i'm fucking so glad that this i'm so thankful yeah that this

00:23:51.820 generation all generations has your voice oh thank you i appreciate that for you i just want to like

00:23:56.880 give you some praise right now thank you god for you i appreciate that thank you thank you i know i

00:24:03.000 gotta join you can't be doing it by yourself you've been doing it by yourself seriously i know but

00:24:06.540 what you do is just so powerful and impactful and like thank you people need to hear this from

00:24:11.040 somebody who looks like them sounds like them and is letting you know like girl i might not have

00:24:16.160 all the answers but i know this answer yeah you know what's funny is like even talking to you now

00:24:21.060 yeah i can tell that sometimes you hear things and you're like well no wonder you think i'm fucking

00:24:26.200 yoda yeah exactly no one can wonder all the time i'll say something and people are like wow and then

00:24:33.320 to me i'm like that feels like common sense but i don't know like yeah maybe i'm wrong like sometimes

00:24:38.420 i think like maybe i'm no no maybe maybe i am yoda yeah you are and i think too it is important like

00:24:47.680 you said that like people of all different identities are saying the same things over and over again

00:24:53.660 because we've been so conditioned to take anything like i've talked about with women especially anyone

00:24:59.820 who's not a straight man like but especially women we were forced to develop empathy at a very young age

00:25:05.780 whereas men get to decide if they want to develop empathy later like that's a choice they get to make

00:25:10.680 that's something that we're forced to develop and so i think a lot of times women hold too much

00:25:17.440 empathy it's too much patience it's too much graciousness and sometimes it's okay if you're unhappy

00:25:22.860 and you're like i don't deserve this i'm gonna leave like that's okay it is okay and and the

00:25:27.880 detaching necessary right and the detaching i think is the hardest part because then you have to

00:25:32.620 come to terms with it's like the you know the sunk cost fallacy theory it's like i've sunk in so much

00:25:38.780 time at this point if i let it go now it's a waste of time but the you're just wasting more time

00:25:45.500 in my opinion saying yeah yeah and i've i've even had women like even when i first blew up on tiktok

00:25:51.160 initially i've had women in their 40s 50s tell me that they started watching me and they left their

00:25:57.020 husbands like they realized like actually i don't deserve this actually i do deserve better necessary

00:26:02.780 which is and i'm sure you've gotten a lot of uh testimonies like that too 100 and i think talking

00:26:07.960 about that whole um time thing and like people understand that like just because you invested 20

00:26:13.160 years in some man doesn't mean that you can't invest 30 more in yourself right and i don't know

00:26:18.220 why people don't see that man yeah exactly it's like they only see the first half yeah it's not

00:26:22.280 like you're about you know like you're about to or pass tomorrow or something like there's a lot a lot

00:26:26.960 of left life left to live for you right and what would that world look like of investing in yourself

00:26:33.000 in those years right and again i just don't think people know how to reframe their questions totally i wish

00:26:39.460 that we could teach people from high school or middle school how to reframe instead of looking at one

00:26:44.340 thing how do we look at it from another perspective instead of looking at it as loss how do i look at

00:26:48.860 what am i going to gain for myself like what can we do here to make sure that we're reframing our

00:26:53.340 lives right that we're we're the center of that's what i feel like is a scarcity mindset yeah which is

00:26:58.460 that's what i told you i live in abundance exactly exactly and we talk about that a lot the scarcity

00:27:03.460 mindset like when i sense a scarcity mindset i'm like whoo it makes me nervous that energy

00:27:10.160 makes me nervous right i get a little chill i'm like oh yeah you you're operating from scarcity

00:27:15.680 scarcity i do not operate from that either do i right and i do not never have never have either

00:27:20.900 me either and i and i remember when i started doing this show zero dollars zero dollars zero money um but

00:27:26.840 i wanted to do it because i wanted to obviously have something that expands longer than short form

00:27:31.800 content and i was like that's okay i'm gonna do it for no money and i was whipping my prius down here

00:27:37.660 with my mom and sister in the car driving myself back and forth making zero dollars off this shit

00:27:42.280 and i was filming all the time and then with when i was halfway through season two before i or no before

00:27:48.460 i even finished season one um i re-signed my contract with my production company and then spotify bought

00:27:53.120 me season two before even yeah and so i was like abundance abundance abundance abundance every time

00:27:59.620 something negative happens in to me or in my career or whatever i always think like abundance like

00:28:04.800 what would i give away i want you and i to do a master class on success we should telling you the

00:28:11.220 stories and the parallels are almost identical right and i and what i've learned in me talking to people

00:28:16.760 who are successful younger older same age yeah is these same things i've told people before that

00:28:23.060 there were as i was coming into hosting i used to get up and go to access hollywood for free

00:28:31.000 every morning at seven o'clock in the morning to do these segments for free for like a year and a

00:28:35.700 half right this is a big company nbc right didn't give me a single coin i used to go every morning

00:28:40.580 faithful and then would get off of work and go to cnn nhln right off of sunset and do the same thing

00:28:45.460 again on one of those shows for free every night almost a year and a half and people were like what

00:28:49.420 are you doing and i was like because i believe in abundance and i know this is going to lead to more

00:28:54.820 and lead to more money and there were so many people that i was like come on you should come

00:28:59.100 i can hook you up you want to be a host you want to be in tv you want to be in podcasting

00:29:03.100 come through i can hook you up and they were like no girl i can't do i'm not going to show up every

00:29:07.460 day for free

00:29:08.660 i was like okay girl then you can show up nowhere in three years

00:29:14.660 preach right preach then show up nowhere show up nowhere yeah and i'll show up to the show that i'm on

00:29:21.080 right thank you and so i think these are the lessons that sometimes these people forget that's

00:29:26.460 the sacrifice that's so with the belief in abundance and believe that things are coming to

00:29:30.220 you it's so important that's so girls miss it and i you know what's funny too is when i first started

00:29:35.380 doing this you're so brilliant right thank you so are you as i was like growing this platform too

00:29:40.800 like when i was growing on just tiktok and i didn't have the show i didn't have anything else

00:29:44.140 i remember i was getting a little like i was getting a little down on myself i think not because of

00:29:50.980 i was having so much fun and i felt like i was really building something substantial

00:29:54.260 but i started seeing people get verified and get signed and i was people that were

00:29:58.660 i had blown past and followers at that point and i was kind of like damn and then i started thinking

00:30:04.140 like i remember i was talking to my fiancee and i was like i don't know like what if people don't

00:30:08.460 want to work with me like like the way to make money is to work with brands and what if brands don't

00:30:12.360 want to work with me because what i do is controversial or whatever you know those moments a week

00:30:16.480 yeah yeah and then my man was like i mean i don't think what you do is controversial so

00:30:20.560 would you want to work with someone who thought what you did was controversial reframing and i said

00:30:25.180 reframe not you being smarter than me all right i was down for a second all right i'm back i'm back

00:30:29.620 but look at that it's it's important that's what i say about it and like if you don't have someone in

00:30:33.640 your life that can help you to reframe when you're in a moment it's it's like those are things i look

00:30:37.880 for like my best friend i i've talked about him already he's here we are stuck together for 25 years

00:30:42.900 because when i need to reframe and i don't know i can't see it he's there right versa exactly like

00:30:47.960 when he thinks this moment is like oh my gosh he gets into that fear-based mindset i immediately am

00:30:54.060 able to pull him out and say no let's reframe this girl yeah like oh maybe you leaving this or maybe

00:30:59.500 this or what do you want to work with or what it is to make yourself see what is better and it's

00:31:04.400 such an important lesson that people forget in like success and life and relationships right

00:31:08.980 reframe and it applies like you said across all aspects of life and i remember as i was like no

00:31:14.960 you're totally right oh i was down for a second yeah and so i kept going i kept going and then i

00:31:20.680 remember it it was like that in the beginning whereas you know i think agencies could see the

00:31:26.400 potential in just numbers but they wanted to like be sure they could market me which is funny because

00:31:31.880 the agent i'm still with is a woman and she her name's alex we love her but she really fought for me

00:31:38.180 because her uh company at the time like didn't want to sign me because they were like i don't

00:31:42.500 think she's marketable like and she's like i'm telling you she's going somewhere like and i want

00:31:47.260 to be a part of it like we have to get her now and honestly i've told people before i'm like i just got

00:31:52.180 too big to ignore like it they couldn't anymore yes but when you lock in to talk your shit right

00:31:57.660 when you lock your shit bitch and now where are they yeah my front fucking door all of a sudden

00:32:04.460 and it's funny too because i i still have the same people on my team that were there at the beginning

00:32:08.740 and it's because they believed in me like they're like i see something in you you know what's funny

00:32:12.760 is i swear you and i are from the same girl we truly are the same star literally of us right two

00:32:19.360 halves of it literally it's so funny i have a manager who's um a straight white man older white man

00:32:24.500 and it's important it's important i i mentioned that because i remember after i i talked to him

00:32:29.480 because he was like i really want to work with her um telling my agent so we had a meeting and

00:32:33.780 at the very end of the meeting he goes i just want to say i know i'm a straight white man and

00:32:38.040 i just want you to know that i understand a lot of the privilege i have and i want to be able to

00:32:42.520 use it to fight for you like i want to use i believe in you i think the world needs someone

00:32:46.280 like you and i want to be able to fight for you and i want to put this behind you and push you

00:32:49.880 forward yes and i was like oh i appreciate that and after we hung up i said hire him okay thank you

00:32:54.500 hire him yeah all right you got it got it yeah got it yeah you said the right things king

00:32:59.540 okay you said it got it bitch i'm with you i'm with you i've kept my same team from day one

00:33:04.880 and i have your alex i have my tyler period look at us my eye never wrong never wrong and i have not

00:33:12.000 let and people always like why are you so faithful and i'm like right the people believe in you

00:33:16.840 you have to stick with them literally me i have that exact conversation like seriously the girls

00:33:23.820 don't get it and then we keep rising right because we're like yeah right and then you have people

00:33:28.780 who were like well don't you want to sign with someone bigger i'm like i you know what's funny

00:33:32.960 is i've had that conversation because i've i've been approached many times to be poached right yeah

00:33:38.060 and um i'm always like no i'm good i'm happy i'm like very happy where i'm at but i always say to

00:33:43.620 them like because they're like well you know sometimes if you're you know with bigger place

00:33:47.340 bigger agencies whatever um there's a bigger pool whatever and i'm like well because some of my um

00:33:53.220 other friends who are in the same industry they're like i really appreciate because i always give

00:33:56.440 recommendations i always like i'm like oh i know a girl like if you're if they're awesome i'll put

00:34:01.100 them in contact with someone awesome yeah and so i'm like i one of my girlfriends was telling me she's

00:34:05.900 like i appreciate it like sometimes i feel like people in this industry are kind of like gatekeepy

00:34:09.680 about stuff like that girl and they're like oh like i don't want you to sign to my agent because then

00:34:14.260 i might not get as much work and i told her literally verbatim i said well that's a scarcity of

00:34:18.380 mindset i don't move like that i don't move like that and i said and quite honestly there could be a

00:34:21.240 roster of 100 i'm gonna shine regardless thank you thank you that's how i feel like so come

00:34:25.860 through yeah i said that sounds me too i'm always giving the connect because i'm like girl i'm not

00:34:29.800 fearful i said yeah me either i was like girl get yours like even earlier when you were like coming

00:34:34.840 to the job i was like yeah girl come on i literally that was literally our exchange yeah yeah come on

00:34:39.000 let's go absolutely yeah for us to be up here for the view okay i'm gonna shine regardless yeah so i'm

00:34:44.240 not worried there to me there's more than enough room up here like you said there's more than enough room

00:34:48.740 that's why i'm never worried about hosting gigs either because like obviously i'm not like where

00:34:53.100 you're at hopefully i will be one day you will be and beyond thank you i believe it yes and uh my

00:34:59.160 a lot of my other friends host too and i'm always so happy for them when they get the jobs because i'm

00:35:04.020 like there is no lack of in my opinion there's more than enough of us and we all have something

00:35:09.360 different to offer that's why i said i'm gonna shine regardless bro if i were you i'd just keep up

00:35:13.960 i'm obsessed with you you live here in la yes i do oh my gosh we're gonna be friends we have to

00:35:23.120 i i do want to ask you just a couple more fun questions but anything first i would say what

00:35:30.000 would you say is one of your favorite seasons of queer eye you've ever filmed i know you have

00:35:33.320 maybe if you have a fave if you'd like to pick what kansas city i got it oh really kansas city

00:35:37.580 season three and four yeah it was my favorite really because we were in a space where people

00:35:43.040 kind of knew what we were doing yeah but they didn't know the format yet right so everyone still

00:35:48.080 was coming in very much like so like the people we help it's beautiful i love them they're coming

00:35:54.300 they're genuine but they've seen the show for nine seasons right and so they come in with

00:35:58.860 expectations yeah with like an understanding yeah understanding and also like like they're coming

00:36:03.180 in waiting so it makes all of our jobs a little bit harder right um because we actually are doing

00:36:07.780 the job have you heard yeah jvn or bobby but um we are literally so it makes it a little bit more

00:36:13.800 difficult because now i gotta figure out a new way to get in because you already have your speech

00:36:17.480 prepared of what you think i want to hear about what's going on on the inside and so now i have to

00:36:21.320 figure out like through watching you through paying attention to actions seeing what words trigger

00:36:26.160 you see what's going on and find a brand new way totally and i've gotten good at it so now

00:36:30.780 they'll come in with saying like oh i want to talk about my mother and like this stuff and i'm

00:36:34.080 like girl that's not your issue but of course yeah yeah yeah and then i will help them guide it and so

00:36:38.180 season three four there was none of that right so it was like right before everyone yeah it was like

00:36:44.120 yeah we were we were successful but it was like they didn't know yeah format so they came in real

00:36:49.040 like blind yeah they were kind of blind and it was great and so i just remember those episodes just

00:36:53.540 like oh my gosh i remember there was this guy and he i took him a dance studio and like he thought

00:36:59.760 we were going to go dancing and i made him like look at himself in the mirror in this real way

00:37:03.720 and i remember we want to emmy off of that i remember that's also the season that um we had

00:37:07.160 a guy who was um paralyzed in a wheelchair and i connected him with a man who shot him yeah and i

00:37:14.360 mean like those are days when it was like they did not know what was going on he thought we're going

00:37:17.700 to a restaurant i'm like oh by the way i invited the man who shot you here so we can get you to get

00:37:21.000 closure and so and so i i love that season yeah three and four because it was they're very just as

00:37:26.580 impactful for you as it was for the hero yeah right so what about your show like what's your

00:37:32.180 favorite thing your favorite thing now about your new show um well what i love about my new show now

00:37:37.260 is that people because so i i got into the space of like real people and so when you're like there's

00:37:43.160 daytime talk shows that are celebrity based and then there's real base and unfortunately and i'm

00:37:47.360 be real with you yeah celebrities the the real people based shows have gotten a bad rep yeah because

00:37:54.020 over the last 20 years it's been about exploitation it's about running off stage crazy yeah and that

00:38:00.860 was hard for me because i almost didn't take it yeah because i was like i can't yeah i can't be the

00:38:06.520 fake stuff in the fake stuff i can't do that and so um i was like i gotta show people that i'm authentically

00:38:14.960 still me yeah and that someone can come with their real emotions yeah i'm not gonna judge your real

00:38:20.580 emotions but just no girl there's a moment that we gotta all come together and be real yeah like

00:38:25.460 we're gonna talk about really what's going on yeah we're gonna get some real advice yeah and we're

00:38:29.520 gonna you're real people yeah like it's not for show yeah i've said that a million times on my show i

00:38:34.540 will say to them like okay these people might be here to watch it i'm sitting in this seat because

00:38:38.620 god has ordained me to be able to give you some advice and that's why you're here too and so

00:38:43.240 what i love about is that people are it's caught catching on more and more because i remember season one

00:38:48.820 in the comments it'd be like is corral and you're jerry amore and i'm like girl no shade those white

00:38:53.240 men they were successful girl you know what i mean but that's not do i look like them okay i do not

00:38:57.280 look like them but you know i get it people want to compare you they want to compare even though i

00:39:01.040 tell people all the time comparison is the thief of joy and you're not going to steal my joy by

00:39:04.260 trying to compare me to someone else amen okay and um and so now it's so funny because now in season

00:39:11.160 three i don't see that anymore and it's so good it's like people realize just because there are people

00:39:16.680 real emotions that you're going to see me actively trying to make these people see that they can be

00:39:24.100 better yeah um like i created this segment on my show called unlock the phone because in in um in

00:39:31.140 real people talk shows yeah it's always results driven yeah you know and that's ricky lakes doing

00:39:36.180 you know she created that motto and it worked and so the rest of the girls picked it up that's why you

00:39:40.240 saw maury giving paternity tests yeah yeah yeah yeah and so i was like okay what is mine going to be for

00:39:45.280 this generation yeah and we know we're all on the phone but i created for transparency yeah because

00:39:50.260 i'm like in relationships if there's no transparency there's no trust absolutely and once that trust is

00:39:54.980 broken then you're never going to have a foundation to be able to build upon totally so i was like

00:39:59.560 we need to hire someone so we have a hired fbi agent who actually can find anything up to five

00:40:05.380 years deleted damn we find everything people come on the show they think it's stupid or whatever

00:40:09.500 or not real not real whatever and then but what i did it for and what happens is that these people

00:40:15.060 come on and then i'm like no no no no this is no longer he can gaslight you yeah he can no longer

00:40:20.040 tell you what's going on right you have the facts in front of you right so now it's a choice that

00:40:24.060 you're going to make and you're going to stay yeah and if you make this choice just know the

00:40:28.120 complaining is going to stop and i'm going to make sure all your friends and family know stop

00:40:30.700 listening to this complaining exactly because they have the facts exactly they're making a choice to be

00:40:34.720 here right or you can use this to make a choice to say i deserve more yeah and that's what i'm so

00:40:39.640 thankful for in my talk show i know that was a long answer but no i love it though and i think it

00:40:43.600 continues to grow and get better in that way yeah and i think that's important too especially because

00:40:47.760 what you said like understanding the preconceived understanding of real-time talk shows daytime talk

00:40:53.680 shows like where people just believe all of it is fake or all of it's staged or whatever i think you

00:40:58.480 committing to like repaving that and actually trying to make a real show with real emotions i think that's

00:41:04.420 so if i can be honest with you the only the best thing for me is that i've had executives who

00:41:08.780 believe in me yeah like there's been a changing of the guards and the executives at my network

00:41:13.360 yeah um there's a woman by the name of dana moran i'm gonna shout her out she's like a senior vice

00:41:17.320 president and this woman has been committed to wanting to see people heal yeah and i think when

00:41:24.140 you have executives that want to see change it definitely then ends up changing absolutely that's

00:41:30.280 who's making the cutting the check girl so she wanted i can do all i can on the stage right you

00:41:34.560 are cutting a check and making something different and it's been a it's been such a blessing because

00:41:39.100 yeah i'm trying to change this genre back to something that could be good and healthy

00:41:42.860 i think that's that is literally my goal and that's honestly no one there is no one more fitted for the

00:41:48.260 job thank you because girls forget that oprah started in my genre right exactly and then she said

00:41:54.080 one day i'm gonna get out and i'm gonna change it up right and all the rest of the girls followed and the

00:41:57.900 ones who left behind girl got trashy and i'm like no girl we can go back to this being civilized and

00:42:03.240 real and like giving real advice and like we can really you know we can like girl look what happened

00:42:08.300 when oprah left exactly right girl like we can't go back we don't have to all you know like so that is

00:42:14.740 the goal so check with me again in like at season 10 i love that if i'm not there girl be like girl

00:42:19.620 you try girl get out by season 10 you're gonna be like you get a car you yeah you're gonna be on that

00:42:25.580 level at that point can i tell you something no actually what i've been doing where i'm so proud

00:42:29.540 of and this is i've been talking about it much but i'm gonna talk my shit please do so there has

00:42:33.280 never been a daytime talk show in my genre where the host has given out therapy and in season one

00:42:38.340 the amount of money i paid for for therapy on show it was on camera i would say and now that we

00:42:44.520 have talked about this i've given you a first step yeah can i pay for therapy will you accept therapy

00:42:49.120 and bitch i have had that network paying for therapy like period bitch i love so proud of that

00:42:54.360 because there has never been a daytime talk show you should be so when you be like giving out

00:42:58.900 cars girl i'm giving out therapy and i'm so excited about it car for the mind car for the mind girl

00:43:04.140 you're gonna drive yourself to where you need to go but the girls are getting therapy and i'm just

00:43:07.480 that's so and that's so important oh my god therapy has changed my life like it really has so for me i'm

00:43:13.080 like most of the individuals who would call a daytime talk show yeah never have access or financially

00:43:18.060 yeah the opportunity to opportunity to do it and i'm like girl if you're gonna come on here and

00:43:21.900 you're going to show your story for the world yeah like yes you got me and i'm gonna really help

00:43:27.060 you but girl i'm gonna make sure you leave with some stuff and there's times where girls are like

00:43:32.220 no i'm not ready i don't want it because they're afraid of it yeah but the amount of money i've had

00:43:36.720 this network pay off a therapy girl you better work and also i make them keep it in yeah it's important

00:43:43.180 to see people absolutely accepting therapy that is very that is very very fucking important and honestly

00:43:50.240 you should be so proud of that i'm i'm so proud to know that and to know you i think that's fucking

00:43:54.820 incredible and so important especially for black and brown families thank you it's like we need that

00:44:00.140 we need to heal like we need to move forward we need to evolve and get better yes you know and i feel

00:44:04.760 like i i see therapy too a lot like rehab where it's like it doesn't work unless you want it to work

00:44:10.040 exactly and you can't force somebody to go like you have to go because you want to and you want to

00:44:15.000 like heal or get better or whatever it is you want to address and confront agreed and i'm such a huge

00:44:19.960 proponent of therapy it's like crazy i tell everyone i'm like if you have the means and the ability to

00:44:23.740 do so please do and encourage others my entire families in therapy like we love it and we all have

00:44:29.280 different therapists and my therapist too like i always the company i go through um they're always like

00:44:34.960 who do you feel most comfortable talking to and i remember when i first did that meeting it was like

00:44:39.820 an older white woman and she was like and it's okay if it's not someone who looks like me like

00:44:43.120 that's okay and i was like okay well in that case i'd like a woman of color well because you need

00:44:47.780 somebody who understands your experience exactly and you feel comfortable talking to and if i can be

00:44:52.160 honest with you not to go back to this but to share um i think that's also why i have also found my

00:44:59.460 success and found this lane i've been doing well in my daytime talk show and been like surpassing

00:45:03.240 numbers that they thought is because in my genre it has always been white men talking to women of

00:45:10.920 color yep lgbt people yep families of color absolutely and we've seen how these white men

00:45:17.520 unfortunately no no shade to them yeah but they don't understand the struggles so when someone is

00:45:23.660 sitting in front of me i'm always like i get it yeah i understand what you're going through i understand

00:45:28.720 where you've been and they believe you they believe me and they know they most of them know my story

00:45:32.420 yeah and so it makes it so much easier i give apologies i give hugs i do things that like

00:45:38.140 you never saw the white men in this space before ever hugging these individuals and hugging their

00:45:44.080 guests and saying i see you i understand you yeah and so it does like when you're going to therapy

00:45:49.240 yeah seeing somebody who looks like you gives you the ease to know oh girl yeah there's no judgment

00:45:54.460 here right you want to see me exactly biggest pride and joy of my career right now because i've shifted

00:45:59.940 in this eight-time talk show has been people coming up to me and saying thank you for what you do for

00:46:04.860 our community yeah which i got that before in the lgbt community a lot yeah i got people saying of all

00:46:10.740 races and genders thank you for helping me yeah but now having black folks and people of color always

00:46:14.900 coming up to me saying that just kind of makes me feel like right different purpose like the answer

00:46:19.320 this is like girl finally we got you on it girl you're here exactly on this path exactly you're

00:46:24.200 like i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be yeah like even when i've i've had like because i'm someone

00:46:29.000 so like when i have someone women say that to me like you know yeah they say things like i i never

00:46:34.380 thought i would see someone like myself doing what you do powerful it speaks to a different part of

00:46:38.240 me that's how i was like it makes my little grinch heart grow yeah grow like this like this

00:46:42.100 immediately you know what i'm saying yes and i was like don't tell anyone okay i'm real soft

00:46:48.260 okay just to kind of like wrap this up okay um what would you say is your best piece of advice for

00:46:55.000 anyone who's maybe working on the self and maybe like they feel like they're not completely finished

00:47:00.380 yet or maybe they feel like they are but things aren't working out like what would you say is your

00:47:04.620 best piece of advice for them if they're trying to work on themselves and learn how to love

00:47:07.700 themselves um the best piece of advice is it needs to be a daily practice and so i i usually don't

00:47:14.140 give generic advice it's one of my big things because i think that like advice i think there's

00:47:19.080 people who know how to give advice that is clear and concise you do yeah and then there's people who

00:47:24.640 give these generic like oh blanket shit right but what i will say to someone is it to work on yourself

00:47:31.800 is a daily thing and i think people think it's a oh i did a little self-care routine

00:47:37.040 watch the video right it is this way that i schedule and people know i'm a father the way

00:47:43.060 i scheduled my kids schedule the way i scheduled work is the same way i schedule my daily care for

00:47:50.240 my self-esteem and self-worth right it is a daily practice and i schedule out an hour and a half to

00:47:55.120 two hours and this includes things that just like when you go to work and you know you got to get up

00:47:59.560 for that meeting you know i gotta do this same way you get up and you're like the kids have to have

00:48:02.380 this the kids have to do this yeah the same way you know i'm in a relationship and we got to have

00:48:05.920 time for this and that the same way you do that you have to schedule it out and figure out what it

00:48:10.200 is ahead of time yeah it has to be daily yeah you can give yourself two days off just like at work

00:48:14.760 yeah but you have to and i would recommend i'm doing that yeah because if you don't practice your

00:48:20.340 self-esteem and self-worth daily yeah the rest of the influences from the world become louder than what

00:48:25.920 you're practicing right and so i would say to anybody who sees themselves in this space

00:48:31.200 sit down first and schedule you because until you start to schedule you yeah everything else

00:48:37.900 is going to be a priority right except you except for you yeah and i think that's a logical first

00:48:43.260 step for people who are not there and for even these people who think they do the work yeah you

00:48:47.200 can schedule yourself more right and then also really understand what areas you need to work on

00:48:51.640 right yeah being honest with yourself being honest with yourself yeah that's why i've talked about

00:48:55.180 autonomy a lot like i've i've said like i think autonomy is an important practice too it's to

00:48:59.980 understand because like i've this is me getting a little in the weeds but like i'll make it fast i

00:49:04.700 promise um but i remember i was talking like i've always joked that there's always one relationship

00:49:09.960 like if i'm just talking about straight women for example there's always one like it's a really

00:49:13.800 good one where you're like my eyes were fucking close the entire time not one i was like every red flag

00:49:18.980 my eyes closed yeah and i was telling my mom this story the other day because i was telling her

00:49:23.480 the lab one of the worst relationships i've ever had and you can't even call it that because it

00:49:27.860 wasn't a relationship um had no label on it uh got all the perks of a girlfriend without actually

00:49:32.660 with that label yeah uh only saw me at night hmm um yeah yeah and i told my long story short it

00:49:40.380 ended horribly um i cut it off but before i cut it off because i had i was ignoring the signs

00:49:46.600 and even my friends were like girl let's talk about this right like even my own friends were

00:49:52.180 telling me that and i'm always that friend for other girls and i remember i it the real reason

00:49:56.780 i was like okay for real you can choke and drop dead was because i found out he had like a girlfriend

00:50:01.540 of over 10 years but she was eight and a half months pregnant and they were living together

00:50:06.600 at his parents house and he would just disappear for days at a time around the cromo show girl

00:50:11.260 right i could have been on maury for that matter okay girl okay i could have been on jerry springer

00:50:16.000 okay girl like literally girl and i found that out because she called me like she hacked into his ipad

00:50:21.500 and then called me then i was so distraught because i had no idea that was happening and then i literally

00:50:26.660 told her like we deserve better than this yeah i was like we deserve better than this and your child

00:50:32.020 deserves better than this like i was telling her like you should leave him i was really like i'll borrow

00:50:35.880 my friend's car i'll come move you like i was really trying to help her yeah and i hope she's doing

00:50:39.780 well now but after that probably like a couple days later that guy texts me and sends me this long

00:50:46.360 thing of like you know you're such a good person like thank you for telling her about oh you fucking

00:50:52.320 thank you for right get the hell out of here and he's like yeah i think oh that is such a trick girl

00:50:57.960 when the girls do wrong and then they want to thank you for helping them see girl that is just a

00:51:04.200 fucking that is not healing that is not growth that don't none of y'all be fooled for that no it's a

00:51:09.520 it's a breadcrumb that he's hoping i'll pick up and carry because the narcissist will hope that

00:51:13.220 you'll hold on like hands on the bread old bitch like oh my gosh because i was taking crumbs like

00:51:16.900 and i and at the time i remember reading it and i was so angry i was like fuck this guy i'm not even

00:51:21.820 gonna respond so i didn't then a few days after that he texted me again and he goes really you're

00:51:27.440 gonna ignore me like thanks for showing me your true color yeah i thought we were closer than that

00:51:32.800 i thought you were more mature than that blah blah blah blah blah right and i told my mom i remember

00:51:38.640 when i got that second text i wasn't even mad i had the most sobering feeling in the world because

00:51:46.060 i started thinking to myself this man has no respect for me none and more importantly thinks i have none

00:51:53.000 for myself and whose fault is that mine and i remember telling my mom that was the most sobering

00:51:59.400 i remember thinking to myself yeah that part's on me i'm gonna take that yeah that part's on me

00:52:04.460 bitch because like this guy doesn't even know who i am i was like he has he actually has no idea who i

00:52:09.340 am because i haven't been myself i've sacrificed so much of myself this dude thinks that i'll just

00:52:14.900 come whenever i'll eat anything he gives me doesn't matter and i wasn't even mad i was i felt free i felt

00:52:20.780 like when my my shackles i was like yes fucking free because i was like yes at that point i was like you

00:52:26.700 know what i would rather die alone i would actually rather be alone forever because i've always said

00:52:30.620 like i may feel lonely sometimes but i'm not alone like i'm surrounded by love like platonic and

00:52:37.460 platonic love is just as important if not more than romantic love to me well hollywood has made us

00:52:42.360 feel like it's not right it's the opposite hollywood has made you feel like just because you have

00:52:47.340 friends i mean like sex in the city had us all in a chokehold girl and it was like she's surrounded by

00:52:51.900 love but talk about a bitch who eats breadcrumbs i want to tell that bitch to stand up and like

00:52:56.240 surrounded by three girlfriends who are like we love you we will always show up for you

00:53:00.240 but you're not enough but you're not showing up for her you're not you're not telling her to get

00:53:04.240 out of get her head out of mr big's ass you know what i mean so i remember i was like thinking i was

00:53:09.580 like wow you know what i would rather i would rather be by myself i'm i'm not unhappy alone like i'm

00:53:14.560 being single doesn't mean i'm unhappy and so i was like man fuck this shit i'm gonna be by myself

00:53:19.220 i don't give a fuck because i dated casually throughout college but this was like one that i

00:53:23.180 felt was a little more serious it wasn't it was just more traumatic but then literally probably

00:53:28.780 three or four months later i met my fiancee like i started dating him and i said the ancestors once

00:53:33.840 i had the answer you had it now you got it okay can i remind that thank you for sharing that story

00:53:39.020 because it reminds me of also of like telling girls or anybody the girls like reframing that

00:53:44.920 idea of like i can't be alone i'm lonely yeah and like whatever and understanding like when i talk

00:53:50.040 about that daily practice right it's things like this where you say okay if i have a fear of being

00:53:54.740 alone what can i do to reframe to show myself that i'm not alone right what can i what activity can i

00:54:00.720 do one thing today for myself that i'm doing by myself where i can find joy in it yeah because i

00:54:05.440 sometimes i always look at people who are like i'm too afraid to go to dinner or movies by myself

00:54:09.360 right got it that's your fear right but there's somewhere else that you can go that you'll still

00:54:13.740 completely feel happy right and you gotta search for that place right because i'm a girl that like

00:54:19.380 i can go on a trip by myself i don't i don't want to do it i need a buddy i need a pal right but i

00:54:23.360 definitely can go to symphony by myself right i can go to a ballet by myself period and i find myself

00:54:28.160 being so happy right and finding myself feel so fulfilled and those are moments when i used to

00:54:33.020 wake up to myself and be like girl you're not that girl that has to be alone he has to have somebody

00:54:37.000 right you can't be alone and you can find joy and walk out of there smiley and having cute little

00:54:41.400 conversations and feel so fulfilled so the work that you have to do in reframing is that type of

00:54:46.900 work absolutely where do you see yourself if that's the fear where do you see that maybe that fear won't

00:54:51.520 apply so that you can do that work on yourself so you can see what you deserve so you can wake up

00:54:55.560 right you know exactly exactly and boy did i and i woke up and i i literally i felt truly like the

00:55:01.240 ancestors were like okay now you're ready you're ready to have real love like to have actual love that

00:55:06.440 actually mean something like yes like you said i think when when people on your show would say oh

00:55:10.820 but i love him you're like i don't think you understand what love what love is or what it's

00:55:14.200 supposed to feel like yeah because it's not supposed to hurt you it's supposed to heal you

00:55:17.740 in a lot of ways i tell so many girls on my show right now before you come out on my stage go write

00:55:22.000 down a fucking list of what you think love means and i had a couple read their definition

00:55:25.340 and they don't know and most people don't know right people do not know right and that's crazy

00:55:30.320 because we're like in this undying pursuit of it without even truly understanding what it is or what it

00:55:35.780 feels like and what makes what it feels like to us yeah right but anyways man we're getting preachy

00:55:41.600 we're gonna preach hold on i heard that we had something from social media i want to talk about

00:55:47.800 okay wait okay we'll do i'll do two yeah okay i'll do the second one no it's totally fine because

00:55:53.160 we're talking about honestly we're talking about playbook tips but that is what typically we've

00:55:57.400 been doing we're giving yeah we're doing obviously okay let me read the second one to you okay

00:56:01.100 so it says this is a clip from a podcast hosted by a husband and wife duo the husband says

00:56:05.720 i'm about to give you all the biggest relationship advice you've ever heard oh girl i know this

00:56:10.600 shit and you know it's what's sex yeah have more sex yeah his wife if she says no have more sex

00:56:16.740 yeah his wife how trump of you sir no for real for real his wife laughs nervously he says sometimes

00:56:22.420 she's not in the mood after a busy day or doesn't feel like it at certain times in the month and the

00:56:25.700 husband says you can have 20 things on your day that you don't want to do just make sure having sex

00:56:30.120 with your husband so again she said well something that i want to and he said doesn't matter

00:56:34.340 doesn't matter i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck what you want like yeah sounds like sound

00:56:40.520 advice to me yeah fucking weirdo he's like what is wrong with people like that's the type of people

00:56:46.040 that like i cringe first of all right because i'm like you're in a relationship and you're making

00:56:51.180 commitment this is your wife and you're making a commitment to her right and your idea of a

00:56:55.120 commitment to her is saying i disregard what you feel because on the top of your list must be what i want

00:57:00.320 exactly well he's like well asking you is kind of just like yeah yeah a filler he's like it's

00:57:05.920 small talk it's small talk yeah like we don't really need it you know what i mean well and also

00:57:09.860 i always think too when when you're talking about heterosexual relationships especially they always

00:57:13.660 joke about shit like this oh she never wants to have sex i do i always think like when women are

00:57:19.040 fulfilled they're good like they'll have sex with you yeah all the time it's like if they feel

00:57:23.960 fulfilled in every other area of their relationship you're not gonna be able to get them off you

00:57:28.060 like to be quite honest with you yeah that's what i'm like so clearly if she's not having sex with

00:57:32.340 you something else is missing something else is missing right but i also in in correlation i tell

00:57:36.680 my guy friends like and you know this is a quick tip for men who are listening in there most men don't

00:57:42.640 understand intimacy and sex anyway and so they look at sex as sort of this transactional act versus like

00:57:48.200 what true sex is is when there's real intimacy and most men are afraid of their own intimacy that they

00:57:54.120 will never have that so of course a statement like well she should just be giving me sex is because

00:57:58.380 this is transactional but when you have real intimacy and real men who understand what love

00:58:03.600 making is and what it is to connect with somebody right and this is both romantic and all it could

00:58:08.080 be aggressive but when there's intimacy involved it makes it better and so i would encourage men to

00:58:13.820 like really understand intimacy right like most men and then we give you a tip when they um you don't

00:58:19.100 might not know this but most men don't even touch themselves when they masturbate other than their

00:58:24.900 most other than their dick yeah other than their dick yeah they don't touch themselves

00:58:27.740 interesting they don't touch themselves yeah because the focus is here here here and i'm done

00:58:32.640 like a child like a child like a preview like a pubescent child literally and i'm like

00:58:38.840 yo how about when you're doing this not only if you're engaging and watching porn which is fine

00:58:44.620 how about you think to yourself like oh my gosh how intimate this would be with like i was with my girl

00:58:49.020 if i was with my partner like touch yourself like in these ways like yeah because what happens is

00:58:53.380 that you get more involved with your body now your mind is connected to the person that you're

00:58:56.920 engaging with and so and most men don't know how to do this so you get stupid ass motherfuckers who

00:59:01.720 say shit like fucking sex has to be on the priority of the list now do you want it or not it's like girl

00:59:06.860 and you're probably bad at it on top of that because you don't even know your own body exactly and

00:59:12.500 that's so t and they're unwilling to do anything else other than putting their dick inside women

00:59:16.180 because it's transactional exactly that's i was like and none of you are eaters fuck out of my

00:59:19.980 face get the fuck out of here get the fuck out of here you know what i mean you're wasting my

00:59:23.100 fucking time i'm gonna give you a tip that i gave a couple recently and it's worked right i tell

00:59:27.920 couples like watch each other masturbate and that is very intimate and and but also say to your

00:59:35.000 partner especially for males right unfortunately sometimes you got to give these men like they act like

00:59:39.800 little boys like let's teach you um not always girl but like sometimes but say like like while you're doing

00:59:44.500 think about how that good would be if i was touching you there yeah if i would do this let

00:59:48.780 them get in the mindset of practicing intimacy with themselves and it will help the sex life right

00:59:54.140 and you're and you're so you're so right too because it's like it's also seen as like a taboo thing

00:59:59.320 unless it's just the fucking circle jerk like oh my gosh yeah it's like a it has to be that very

01:00:05.420 physical very fast thing yeah but anything else they get uncomfortable that's where i'm kind of like

01:00:09.720 i thought you were all about fucking exactly about fucking yeah exactly i thought you were all about it oh and

01:00:13.840 now y'all oh and now everyone's nervous and embarrassed all of a sudden you don't have any

01:00:17.880 like you know how many straight guys i know that like literally hide that they masturbate from their

01:00:21.360 partner like they're like kids it blows my fucking mind that grown men like wait till their partner

01:00:28.420 walks out the door to fucking jack off i'm like what's wrong with you have a conversation with your

01:00:34.060 partner about the fact that like make this a thing that could be intimate like i'm going to like

01:00:38.760 this could be sexy join me like i i can't tell you how many grown men wait for the door to lock

01:00:45.900 to go do this like i'm 15 years old i gotta wait like they've been doing yeah forever i gotta wait

01:00:51.480 oh you're gone i gotta like go in the bathroom like get it fucking together man like talk about

01:00:57.060 sex and intimacy in a new way no for real so that you don't end up being somebody who says stupid

01:01:01.540 shit like sex is on top of the list and if you give it to me whether or not you know and it's also

01:01:05.160 like it's not even enjoyable like for either of you like and i also think too i'm like when men

01:01:11.580 act like that obviously they're misogynistic they don't see women as equals but even exactly oh no

01:01:15.600 let's start there yeah of course yeah but even if they did and they're just talking about the act

01:01:19.260 of sex right there like it's very like i i don't understand why you wouldn't want to make your partner

01:01:25.900 come you know what i'm saying like they don't care about that they're like well i don't care about

01:01:29.560 that well then it sounds like you're bad at it you're bad at it you're bad at it yeah you sounds

01:01:34.820 like that's a skill issue buddy bad at it right so that's why i'm like and women are supposed to be

01:01:39.180 into that but see for the flip side is that when i tell men i'm also like okay you should have be more

01:01:44.000 active in wanting to make your partner come and make your woman come but equally i tell men

01:01:49.480 you should hold off on coming right because again intimacy yeah for right now again the act for most

01:01:56.340 in a transaction that it's like i need to orgasm yeah where it's like and thus once you get yours

01:02:01.220 you're not worried about her yeah so how about you wait yeah practice like edging yourself like yeah

01:02:06.920 doing these things and like i'm no sex expert but i understand the emotional attachment and the mental

01:02:11.460 attachment yeah what happens when you say i'm going to be committed to not orgasming quickly to making

01:02:17.040 this a moment that is more intimate to making it more about like me touching and feeling and then it

01:02:22.380 translates and about us it's about us it's translate into you and your woman yeah

01:02:26.480 oh girl they make me sick they're giving me gray hairs for real seriously girl yeah so it says ladies

01:02:34.080 we've been telling you this for so long it's simple and the next one says when the sex stops the

01:02:37.240 relationship goes downhill it's if it stops it's probably been downhill for a while that's just

01:02:41.600 yeah it's just what alerts it just doesn't stop yeah like you're just you've been in a fucking rut for

01:02:46.940 a while right yeah it's like no you're just noticing yeah listen well roommate syndrome is

01:02:52.140 real girl the girls turn into roommates real quick girl and that's i was like what are we college

01:02:57.360 roommates we're living in a dorm at this point thank you and at that point i want a room by myself

01:03:01.880 i don't need you in here thank you or you need to graduate out of that situation exactly seriously

01:03:06.640 move on with my life move on well thank you so much for coming thank you for having you're incredible

01:03:12.200 you are incredible i am going to continue to see you grow and what i would hope for one day if i

01:03:19.200 could ask is that when you are the most famous talk show host in the world that in your will you will

01:03:25.580 put that you want your ashes on your lawn yes the circle of life deal the circle of life it's not

01:03:32.340 that's the circle of life exactly well thank you so much for coming on the show i'm fucking obsessed

01:03:39.160 i think you're incredible my twin for real twin look at us okay well for those who are literally

01:03:46.880 born yesterday i'm sure um and maybe don't follow you where can everybody find you at karamo let's

01:03:52.480 see when that name is karamo girl right karamo girl facebook instagram name of the talk show girl

01:03:57.420 she's turning into beyonce she's the one name artist now amen amen i've never seen you and beyonce in

01:04:02.280 the same room so how am i to know we could be the same person you know we're both born and used to

01:04:06.200 texas at the same time okay well now i'm starting to think kelly rolling i'm starting to question

01:04:10.040 kelly and roland are friends so maybe i am beyonce i know bro i did it on lip sync battle okay and i

01:04:17.420 killed it yeah and maybe that was me trying to let the world know you're dropping easter eggs

01:04:22.540 y'all go gagging 20 years when y'all find out i'm beyonce that would be crazy in male drag right now

01:04:29.440 crazy that'd be insane i'm i uh and do you have anything else you want to promote no no okay

01:04:36.800 you can watch queer eye new season comes out december 11th you can watch karamo's show

01:04:39.900 nationwide or go on tiktok and instagram or youtube girl period love popping karamo's everywhere

01:04:45.480 obviously and i hope you i can't wait to see you invade so many more other white driven spaces okay

01:04:51.040 thank you i'm rooting for it i'm praying on it actually and thank you all so much for joining us

01:04:56.180 on this episode of the comment section don't forget to follow karamo on literally everything

01:04:59.160 i'm sure most of you are obviously but if you're not make sure you check out karamo's show make

01:05:03.100 sure you check out queer eye and don't forget new episodes of the comment section drop every

01:05:07.280 wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms but the video lives for free and

01:05:11.180 exclusively on our favorite platform spotify so thank you so much for joining us thank you to my

01:05:15.360 amazing guest karamo and i'll see you next week bye

BUT KARAMO I LOVE HIM Ft. Karamo Brown ｜ Episode 148

Summary

Transcript