The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - DOOMSDAY PREPPING Ft. Whitney Cummings

00:00:00.000 oh you can't joke about anything i'm like yeah you can you're just making fun of men and then 0.97

00:00:03.820 they pay money to watch mma and watch men beat the shit out of each other you're like you love 0.98

00:00:07.300 watching men get beat up what are you doing oh but when i do it it's just you're pretty 0.99

00:00:12.080 just tell me if you're not pretty just say it you're in love with me you're obsessed

00:00:15.460 hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me 0.88

00:00:27.580 your fave everybody knows me nobody gives a shit about me anyways on to the amazing guest

00:00:32.440 today we have the hilarious the talented the iconic Whitney Cummings

00:00:36.800 welcome to the show everybody cares about you I do this is okay this is my I drove here so I hope

00:00:45.480 but they I do think that people tune into other people's podcasts with their guests

00:00:49.920 to see what the guest brings out and the person they love oh that's sweet you know I'm saying

00:00:54.400 they're not here for me right now you'd be surprised some people are like hey um go ahead 0.93

00:00:59.360 and bring another guest on that i want to see i'm like okay sorry they don't give a shit about me 0.59

00:01:03.960 anymore okay well i love who i can bring but just so you know i am so awkward as a guest on podcast

00:01:09.160 so this will let's just let's get right into it we'll get through it we'll muscle through it

00:01:12.980 together i am very starstruck by you are you really yeah i am by you agree i've loved i've

00:01:19.060 loved stand-up for so so so so long and obviously you're a legend in the game and you're you're

00:01:24.740 literally someone I used to look forward to watching on the panels of roast like for celebrities

00:01:30.980 yes you were like one of my faves oh gosh thank you oh my gosh you would so I brought the roast

00:01:35.880 back to OnlyFans TV there's no porn there's no buttholes don't panic it was just like we did

00:01:40.680 the roast sorry only yeah I know sorry my bad and so um you got to do one of them if we do another

00:01:47.860 one i'd be honored we just did we did one of me and we did one of burt kreischer oh you've gotta

00:01:52.360 come on that would be amazing like what would be your dream celebrity to rest oh i don't know it

00:01:58.920 has to be a man for sure it has to be a man but i think like one that's like universally loved

00:02:03.780 that i don't really understand tom hanks yeah yeah actually bring him forward i have a lot to

00:02:09.800 say about tom joe biden it's like i i don't know it'd have to be so you're saying someone universally

00:02:16.260 beloved yeah that i'm just i don't get don't get which is give me okay i love this game i love

00:02:23.320 the game of like why does everybody sweat this person and i don't get it yeah ryan gosling let's

00:02:28.760 go is he are his lips really skinny and his face kind of crooked i don't know probably

00:02:34.220 you and me both skinny lips is a no-go for this guy does he not have the skinniest lips for no

00:02:40.820 reason oh girl for no reason i'm really gonna look and then his mouth when he smiles is a

00:02:45.840 little bit like it's it's twisted i feel it i when i look at ryan gosling i twist my i you know how

00:02:52.200 dogs when they're listening they tilt their head their ears i feel like i have to tilt my when you

00:02:57.140 ask them a question they kind of like i feel that um are you a big halloween person i love yeah i

00:03:02.180 bet what's your what did you do last year last year i had a few costumes i was like i was yzma

00:03:07.120 from emperor's new groove okay because my boyfriend was cronk and my sister was kuzco and then um i

00:03:14.660 was uh troy savant in his music video like what's the name of the song one of the girls one of the

00:03:21.740 girls where he was like he was in drag for the first time so okay i was troy savant as a woman

00:03:26.220 okay um and then my boyfriend was ross lynch and then the last one we did was do you remember the

00:03:31.260 show american gladiators yes i was an american gladiator wait there was a documentary about

00:03:35.880 this recently yes so i watched it so did you watch the first round of american because i don't

00:03:40.600 remember it i used to watch it on tv as reruns because it used to run in the early 90s i was

00:03:45.440 born in 95 and so my boyfriend and i and my family we used to watch it as reruns on tv who was the

00:03:51.360 one that you went as i went as zap right i was as i was zap she was a contestant my sister was like

00:03:58.860 one of the normal people that competes against your sister and your mom yes were you a big

00:04:04.040 halloween family yeah we love halloween and my boyfriend was laser okay so like we just had the

00:04:10.720 costumes made and the big 80s hair and then we i bought the little like blow up things where you

00:04:15.820 hit each other off the podium i i like these costumes i do feel like halloween is an opportunity 0.52

00:04:20.160 for women to just dress as whores yeah and which i also support god godspeed do what you gotta do 0.81

00:04:26.040 it's just it's like my friends that are like paralegals they're like i'm like you can't post 0.97

00:04:30.320 this photo on your instagram like you have like we're adults now like we can't do this anymore

00:04:36.180 it's like when you see like like a a girl in just like a camo bikini and i'm like what so what are

00:04:41.020 you and she's like i'm a soldier i'm like i don't know she's like this i don't know dude this feels

00:04:47.880 disrespectful i don't know dude is this how we celebrate the troops out here it's also it's

00:04:53.720 like halloween is in october it was designed to not be slutty yeah yeah it's literally in the

00:04:59.140 winter it's like every year i'm like what am i am i am i a polar bear am i an eskimo like

00:05:03.260 handmade i've been a handmade every year because it's like i get to wear a cape and like sweat

00:05:07.700 yeah something real comfy yeah totally yeah i feel like even when i was younger i'm like i'm

00:05:12.620 cool with a with a slutty costume i love a slutty costume but it has to be cool like i want it to

00:05:17.020 be like to make sense like to be unique or clever or whatever so i have a few ideas already cooking

00:05:23.080 for this okay for you're okay so you're my guys like this he'll start thinking about halloween

00:05:28.380 like the and it'll be like well in advance it'll be like here the options for this year's halloween

00:05:34.340 okay i'll go as this and the other one i'll do next year it's like a couple years are scheduled

00:05:39.640 out pre-planned do you know what i mean so you're already thinking about next year for halloween i

00:05:44.300 have well this year i have two costumes already planned okay this year but but you can't is this

00:05:49.420 like it's a secret i mean spoiler alert i've just never been like a huge halloween person like i

00:05:58.920 would like to be i had a house growing up that was like no one came to get candy it was just in a

00:06:03.700 weird place so i just got burned so many times like dressing up to try to give now you're spiteful

00:06:08.460 and now i'm spiteful and then i got a house out in la again end of the cul-de-sac no one came and 0.95

00:06:13.600 so i dressed up as super girl one year oh that's the costume was too small i did look like a whore

00:06:18.800 by accident it was a children's but i was sure i put like sweatpants underneath it and then no kids 0.53

00:06:24.920 came to my house and i had all this i had like full candy bars butterfingers the full size that

00:06:30.080 actually happened to me last year and i do live at the end of a cul-de-sac and they wouldn't skip

00:06:34.320 my house because there was like a little gate so i started like running after them and being like

00:06:37.740 hey you guys and what i realized is you can't chase kids yeah if not with candy yeah you can

00:06:44.160 so i got in my white van and i started you just can't run after kids that's a bad look that aren't

00:06:50.000 your kids yeah i bought a bunch of candy bags and nobody came it's it's really i know but i also

00:06:55.340 think too the neighborhood i live in well first of all i'm kind of on a hill so i feel like none

00:06:59.580 of those kids so you're baiting kids for them to fall off i'm like i'm motivating them yeah i'm

00:07:04.720 like you get a good workout then at the top i reward you what's your what candy do you give

00:07:09.020 kids this tells me everything i know need to know about a person and yes i'm about to ask you your

00:07:12.840 favorite girl scout cookie i have i did the full-size candy bars too but i got the mixed box

00:07:17.420 so i had like reese's twix snickers there was a mounds bar in there i'm leaving no i don't like

00:07:22.160 okay good and then i got a big mixed bag two of smaller candies and then i did i also get fruity

00:07:27.760 ones too so like starburst skittles oh there you go i just heard skittles are outlawed though

00:07:32.000 are they oh you're right yeah i did hear about that so you're giving outlaw maybe that's why

00:07:36.680 they skip my contraband candy i'm like oh i give you candy with lead all of a sudden i'm a bad guy

00:07:41.100 all of a sudden i mean everything we did as children like our i mean your mom's here you

00:07:46.400 did you put baby powder on her but okay like i am just realizing that baby powder had like arsenic

00:07:54.300 in it and like all kinds of stuff because i just had a kid and like my baby registry or whatever

00:08:00.420 i like put stuff on it that like we had around the house when i was a kid and everyone's like

00:08:03.900 that's illegal now i'm like what do you mean you can't get lawn darts for someone for their baby

00:08:08.880 shower i know everyone's so sensitive easy bake ovens catch on fire i didn't know that but yeah

00:08:14.340 we used to just put baby powder all over ourselves i guess there was a huge lawsuit you're owed some

00:08:18.540 money if you guys want to jump in on the lawsuit well that explains a lot yeah you have cancer i'm

00:08:23.840 here to tell you that explains a lot for me personally and you said favorite girl scout

00:08:28.240 cookie favorite girl scout cookie mine i think it's i like the samoa yep number one those are

00:08:33.560 the best if someone ever has a different answer i just will call the police i'm like out that's

00:08:38.200 naturally what i do the thin mints are good but only when they're cold like i like that's it i

00:08:43.220 put them in the fridge and then you put them on ice cream girl it's so good the older i get like 0.99

00:08:46.900 i just feel like we meet so many people and you have to be able to weed out your people your tribe

00:08:51.500 very quickly do you know what i mean gotta sense the vibe don't you feel like a lot of people like

00:08:55.380 want to meet you and talk to you especially now yeah yeah you're like you want to go for a hike

00:08:59.680 and you're like oh god oh my god i know my sister my sister's single but she's a lesbian and she

00:09:06.440 was telling me the other day she was saying like why does everybody lie about hiking live i still

00:09:12.260 love hiking first of all you're how long have you been a lesbian a while like eight years okay i

00:09:18.080 tried to be a lesbian it didn't take oh it was too many voice memos um it was like a wild amount

00:09:24.140 of talking but i do feel like when people ask you want to hike i always feel like it means they're

00:09:28.160 sober yeah oh that's a good you know what i mean yeah or they want to push you off if a guy asks

00:09:33.360 you want to hike don't go that's what ted bundy did dude hiking and exercise and well first of 0.63

00:09:40.260 all hiking i have like a mean mean mean beef with hiking i just don't fucking get it like i'm like 0.70

00:09:45.640 i don't want to walk and sweat like that's not my idea of a good time well because you know there's 0.84

00:09:49.160 this new thing where guys like there's like this whole like online thing of like because girls are

00:09:53.700 so good at makeup now and contouring and stuff like makeup tutorials take her swimming take her

00:09:57.780 swimming on the first date i'm like yeah let's get in a cold tub and let's see yeah yeah i would

00:10:03.220 love to see you swimming dude yeah but it's like i'd also let you know what i mean a lot of things

00:10:10.260 change on a man too in the water but which they conveniently leave out but yes i do think it's

00:10:14.900 like there's a lot of that like put her through an obstacle course well i'm like i'm auditioning

00:10:20.260 for american ninja warrior so i'm not doing that personally but like whenever we uh every mother's

00:10:26.140 day i've made this joke before every single mother's day my dad goes he'll text us in a

00:10:30.600 group chat he's like hey like what do we want to do for your mom and we talk about it and he always

00:10:34.900 goes i think we should go on a hike i go you're gonna do this bit every year aren't you she doesn't 0.96

00:10:39.180 want to fucking hike none of us do in fact i'm gonna kick you out of this group chat if you 0.95

00:10:42.860 suggest a hike one more time every year i'm not kidding he's like what about a hike but nobody 1.00

00:10:47.860 wants to go on a fucking hike because she's a lesbian your sister no she hates hiking more than 1.00

00:10:52.700 i do oh okay that's why she hates hiking more than i that's why she was saying why does everyone 1.00

00:10:56.560 lie about loving hiking i don't like is that a big thing on the apps or something or like dating

00:11:00.320 hiking and working they're like i need a gym buddy then go get a friend so sad go get a friend

00:11:07.520 is that just a lesbian thing no that's an everyone thing i think like everyone dating

00:11:12.100 there's a new thing now where everyone has to be like an athlete like a high performer

00:11:16.320 everyone's like got it what's going on in ketosis everyone just smells like everyone's just eating

00:11:22.660 like only me it's like a nightmare it's horrible and my boyfriend is a is a certified trader like

00:11:28.880 my boyfriend was oh god so your fridge is just all protein powder no girl it's not that's why

00:11:34.220 i'm with it oh he's a he's a trainer yeah he's a trainer he was a trainer for a long time and now

00:11:39.660 he just does this with he's like an online person not too like me but he is not like that which is 0.81

00:11:45.860 why it works between us i can't handle that shit like i just it's too much but is he in like wild 0.96

00:11:52.320 shape yeah he's in really good shape yeah he's in really good shape so you're shallow let's talk 0.98

00:11:57.840 hey that does he work out a lot still yeah oh wow he still does but my point being when we go to the 0.96

00:12:05.100 gym sometimes people are like oh you guys you guys work out at the gym together fuck no i tell him to 0.98

00:12:09.520 get the hell away from me at the gym the way he works out i was like i like myself personally i 0.99

00:12:14.300 don't need to do that this is you're fighting demons working out is so sexual it for no i mean 0.68

00:12:20.880 the machines are just like yeah you're just like i can't make eye contact like just don't look at

00:12:26.480 me just nobody look at me let's just get through this well that's why like when whenever i worked

00:12:31.420 i have worked out with him maybe twice in the seven years we've been together um both times

00:12:36.580 it's awful it's horrible and we end up fighting so it never works at the gym yeah over what he

00:12:41.120 asked you to hold the camera not even sometimes like one time he was just training me and um i

00:12:47.280 got annoyed because i'm like don't tell me what to do like what are we doing you're gonna tell

00:12:52.920 me what to do he's like well he was just like kegels kegels like wait i thought we were working

00:12:57.840 he would be like oh like like no you got to put your knee on i'm like i know how to do it i know

00:13:02.340 he's just been putting you in reverse cowgirl like teaching it i was like wait if anything

00:13:07.560 that would have been funny but no he was like actually trying to train me i'm like i thought

00:13:10.800 this was a bit he's just i like it now that when guys do anything nice that we are just like get

00:13:15.180 the fuck away from me he's like i'm just trying to make sure you don't get injured you're like 0.75

00:13:18.300 you're mansplaining me he's like jesus the way i was like i don't want to listen to you maybe we 0.99

00:13:23.940 shouldn't do this anymore okay yeah it's like you're gonna roll your ankle but cool i just don't 0.95

00:13:28.380 want to drive you to the er yeah that's just me being a fucking annoying but like now he'll write 0.93

00:13:32.380 me workouts and he just gives them to me and i go do them by myself yeah okay i don't need you there 0.93

00:13:36.440 see i'm kind of done being a feminist i want a guy to just tell me everything to do i did we had a

00:13:42.220 good run i did the girl boss thing i proved myself and now i'm just like can you open the door

00:13:47.300 i say i don't want to do anything you say that now and then as soon as you start someone starts

00:13:51.940 tell you what to do all of a sudden it's hot i hate that there's a point where it starts to get 0.95

00:13:55.860 hot after you've had a lot of employees and you're like can someone just fucking make a decision 0.89

00:13:59.940 without me that i do get yeah oh what i was gonna say was one of the things i truly feel like 1.00

00:14:06.820 the embodiment of what misogynists believe women to be like like the most idiotic stupid bitch alive 1.00

00:14:13.800 um is when it has to do with my car like any having to anything having to do with the auto 1.00

00:14:18.500 shop mechanic well a car is a she also that too so that gets that boats and cars are she 1.00

00:14:25.960 i think that's why men hate women because they associate us with things like break down cost a 0.60

00:14:31.880 lot of money yeah girl one flight attendant i had on jet blue it was on jet blue flight and he first

00:14:38.720 of all was in love with my boyfriend which most straight men are that's how i knew because like

00:14:42.640 most straight men like when they see my boyfriend they're like like they have to talk to him like

00:14:47.900 they have to they have to make a lot of conversation so he talked to him that whole 0.96

00:14:51.220 fucking flight and i was like i turned my back went to sleep at him i'm not a part of this 0.97

00:14:55.480 and i those the things he was saying like as a flight i just feel like there's a certain level 0.99

00:15:00.940 i'm sure of professionalism you keep in the air uh he didn't have that at all like yeah he was 0.99

00:15:06.680 like yeah some fucking bitch like he was like talking like that to my boyfriend and my my 0.99

00:15:12.700 boyfriend's sitting there and he's like yeah like that's it wow so what is it your guy is just 1.00

00:15:18.280 because he's so big and and yeah yeah yeah that's pretty much it like wanna they just have to talk

00:15:26.700 to him about literally anything having to do with him being big and strong got it they're like oh

00:15:31.960 you play sports you play a lot of sports sure and he lies every time he's like no

00:15:36.000 and they're like you should you should i used to play and then it the older i get the more i think

00:15:40.880 men have it hard do you know what i mean like this is a hot take i realize this is a very hot

00:15:47.560 take but like imagine i mean it's like we don't like when men come up to us and are like hey look

00:15:53.060 at your you know but men go up to other men and are like hey so i mean it's it's sexual harassment

00:15:57.820 really it is it actually is someone just wanting to talk to your guy about his body it's it is it

00:16:03.420 is it is literally i'm not kidding it's cat calling it is it actually is he gets sexually

00:16:08.160 objectified by men far more than women far more than women it's kind of fascinating yeah it's

00:16:13.900 it's pretty weird and my dad is is a big dude too like my dad's six six my dad's big big brown guy 0.99

00:16:19.120 too so like he gets the same exact shit if we go somewhere as a family game over they see the two 0.96

00:16:24.800 of them they're like i don't even know like which one i want to talk to first there's something 0.98

00:16:28.600 about it like we're wired to like like at all times need to know who to like follow if there's

00:16:34.800 a fire you know what i mean so like that guy i need to make friends with that guy in case like

00:16:40.540 shit hits the fan zombie apocalypse happens today he's my god yeah totally one of my friends caleb 0.99

00:16:45.520 he was like oh you're killing yourself i'm not he's like i'm mobilizing i'm getting all the gays 1.00

00:16:49.160 all the lesbians uh-huh he's like i'm taking over clean water source and i'm starting a village and 0.99

00:16:54.220 okay i'm the king and i get to decide the dress code and lady gaga rule like i i don't want to 0.98

00:17:01.400 go to this commune i really don't like this and everyone has to dress as timothy chalamet

00:17:06.420 from wonka specifically in wonka yeah i feel like this gave caleb was behind all this

00:17:12.220 he was very controlling although i do know a lot of people that are in the market for bunkers

00:17:17.020 yeah they are really say preppers and like well but there's also like all the billionaires that

00:17:22.220 like know more than we do that's true seem to be getting bunkers like jeff zuckerberg like has a 1.00

00:17:27.460 bunker i'm like what is this motherfucker this dork what is this fucking dork know that we don't 1.00

00:17:33.680 know have you seen that movie leave the world behind no watch it on netflix it's like a more 1.00

00:17:38.360 recent one is it julia roberts yes yes with the thing okay yeah yeah yeah i watched that one too

00:17:44.020 and that one was only spooky to me because it that felt more real like that felt more like the world

00:17:49.920 would end it was like the grid went down or it was like uh cyber terrorism they take over everything

00:17:55.600 nobody can get a hold of each other at the internet doesn't work like my power's out for

00:17:59.640 two hours today and i almost threw my brains out so i'm already i've said that too about like when

00:18:05.200 when they say like desert island like what are three things like if you get deserted on the

00:18:09.000 island what are you what are you bringing right i'm like i'm bringing my phone um and a battery

00:18:13.680 pack that doesn't need a cord and then a gun because once my phone dies i'm killing myself

00:18:18.060 that's my plan personally have you ever not had your phone i'm glad you're not out there dating

00:18:23.620 right now because like all these like little small talk like flirty questions like so what

00:18:29.520 would you bring to a desert island you're like a phone a charger and a gun check please and once

00:18:35.060 my once my battery pack dies so do i that's how it works have you ever your phone's like updating

00:18:40.140 and you're like what am i supposed to do with my life just sit here and wait yeah be alone with

00:18:44.700 your thoughts yeah i can't do that yeah that's why i saw me apocalypse like if it's like

00:18:48.860 the last of us type situation i'm absolutely killing myself i'm not sticking around for that

00:18:53.660 okay but so let me ask you a question so you're obviously your job is to be online in a lot of

00:18:58.880 ways but do you find yourself ever just like mindlessly scrolling and justifying and be like

00:19:03.660 no i'm doing this for work and you're like no i'm just trying to get life over with i'm just scroll

00:19:08.260 i'm just gotta like i gotta stop yeah absolutely mine's a problem i think i think my job being

00:19:14.100 online has almost increased it yeah worse almost because i'm also on it like all my work is online

00:19:20.900 and i also mindlessly but you're out there muting people oh yeah i meet people all the time who'd

00:19:25.620 you just mute all right don't even remember to be honest so when you mute someone online they

00:19:30.980 you remove them from your literally they're gone from my but that do you i feel like i've started

00:19:34.900 muting my friends so i can keep liking them do you know what i mean i feel like that's fair if

00:19:42.260 if you really like someone you should mute them am i wrong no i mean i think that's valid i think

00:19:49.200 and then also so we have something to talk about so it's not just i don't like recapping like hey

00:19:53.380 so i saw that you went to barbados i want to be like where were you last week yeah and not know

00:19:57.260 and have no idea yeah yeah and then if anyone calls their spouse their best friend i you gotta

00:20:01.400 i gotta mute you it's not it's not what are we doing i just can't are you that person are you

00:20:07.300 like i'm just with my best friend is he your best friend what i don't honestly i sometimes i think

00:20:13.340 about that he's one of them i would say not my only one okay my friends who are drag queens

00:20:19.160 yeah we've talked before i've told them i'm like sometimes you see girls who are like oh gay people

00:20:22.800 love me if they say that they don't love you i promise you they don't yeah yeah yeah but then 0.93

00:20:26.240 i'm like why do you leave me alone and they're like we love you i'm like get away i'm gonna do 0.98

00:20:30.480 a hate crime get away i'll say the f word i don't give a shit you keep pissing me off i still say 0.97

00:20:36.720 that when we uh when i was joking around with one of my friends i was telling him i'm like you know 1.00

00:20:42.580 what's so funny is like if you actually hung out with gay people like gay men gay women drag queens 0.99

00:20:47.700 you would hate yourself you would hate they are the meanest people alive oh my god and i love it 1.00

00:20:53.620 i know yeah i love it it's like because here's it's like gay men or have recently in the last 0.98

00:20:58.540 couple years become way meaner than straight men it's kind of amazing it's kind of amazing 0.70

00:21:03.420 and i always tell like my guy friends that are like oh why do you have so many like gay male

00:21:08.840 friends or any like straight guys that are homophobic i'm like no no trust me you want 0.63

00:21:12.660 gay men in my life they keep me insecure yeah exactly it's the only reason i'm getting facials 0.99

00:21:17.460 and lasers like you'll fuck anything i'm doing this so that my gay male friends yeah don't say 0.99

00:21:23.180 that i'm slipping i was like you're an unreliable source yeah totally they keep me at barry's boot 0.99

00:21:28.120 camp they got me working out every day i gotta check in with the girls yeah they'll tell me

00:21:32.080 yeah they're like why is it like where's your luminosity like they'll like grade me on my

00:21:37.220 luminosity you know what i'm saying so what are you even saying i know what do you say i like this

00:21:42.020 like lesbian gang gang oh yeah girl i got i got them on deck you know what i mean my sister was

00:21:47.740 uh she at one point she was like maybe i don't know maybe i'll i'll date men it's so funny because

00:21:52.320 when we were at dinner once uh someone that was sitting with us she was telling me a story about 0.88

00:21:57.520 how she got like um an unsolicited dick pic all been there and i was like yikes and she goes do 0.96

00:22:02.620 you want to see it of course i do go ahead and show it to me and she shows it to me and it's 0.99

00:22:07.240 one of the worst dick pics i've ever seen i've seen quite a few it's truly it's what it looked 0.98

00:22:12.720 like um you know when you take like uh transformation photos and you just kind of 0.99

00:22:16.680 stand there with a blank stare on your lip that's what he looked like it was his face was in it yeah

00:22:21.520 girl wild and it was in like um a mirror too but i couldn't see the phone anywhere so i don't know

00:22:27.520 so it's flipped around yeah it's like self timer okay oh brutal buddy yeah and it was he's pale and 0.98

00:22:33.420 oh it's just hot take i'm not traumatized by dick pics i'm not traumatized by them i just don't 0.97

00:22:39.840 want to see them i if i'm if you're interested in someone though it's the only way you can see 0.99

00:22:45.160 their apartment before you know what i'm saying yeah i don't want to see your dick i don't even 0.99

00:22:50.500 know yeah exactly i just want to know like if that's a is it like a washcloth are we doing a 0.99

00:22:54.480 loofah it's always in the bathroom and you can get always yeah and if i see like a bath and body

00:22:58.560 works in the back you're like you have a girlfriend like you can kind of figure out

00:23:01.680 yeah totally exactly do you know what i mean yeah totally so it's like you can get a lot of

00:23:06.300 information that's true you can use it investigative yeah i feel that yeah she was showing me the

00:23:11.280 picture and i was like that's a horrible bit like of him tell him to use a filter or something girl

00:23:16.640 is there such a thing as a good one you know what i mean no never but that's just one of the worst

00:23:21.420 but i think they're on to it i think they know now i think they know the angle to do right it's

00:23:25.960 like from up like a top angle down they know that we're on to them if their hands are small

00:23:32.680 yeah do you know what i mean they know how to make their hands look bigger because that's the

00:23:35.920 first thing you have to do you have to go oh well is there if it looks big maybe for scale yeah

00:23:39.760 that's exactly what it is who was i think it was hold on this is what you do if you can't figure

00:23:44.940 out how tall a guy is on their dating profile or girl fine yeah sorry um is that if you look

00:23:52.040 on their dating app and they're standing next to like a historical like a statue you can then look

00:23:57.260 up the statues height oh yeah i've seen i've seen some people on tiktok doing like door frame

00:24:03.700 measuring yeah totally like i can weirdly tell you the height of most i'm like oh ben franklin

00:24:08.280 in philly yeah it's six foot one a guy tried to tell me yeah that's one of my special skills i

00:24:15.180 think is guessing men's height specifically yeah um from nothing more than a picture i can guess

00:24:19.680 i can smell it like a drug dog like when you see him with like a fish or something you're like okay

00:24:24.040 that's a bass in cleveland and okay i think let me just get into the local i've told people before

00:24:29.660 i'm like whatever he tells you especially online if you've never seen him in person subtract two 0.95

00:24:33.840 to three inches because he's lying uh-huh about dick size and height my sister was like I want 0.96

00:24:38.100 to see what are you guys looking at she didn't know what we were talking about and so she just 0.99

00:24:41.200 showed her and she was like oh ew and she goes you're right I am a lesbian we weren't talking 0.99

00:24:46.080 about that we weren't discussing that not even a little bit and I was like y'all send dick pics 0.99

00:24:51.400 yeah your version of a dick pic no no see I don't I think it's different I agree I had a friend uh 0.99

00:24:59.060 in college and she used to take sometimes she would send nudes to her boyfriend and she sometimes 0.99

00:25:03.320 she would show them to me and honestly they look beautiful it looks like art okay it looks like

00:25:07.900 george o'keefe yeah but then when uh when men do it it looks like a crime scene photo yeah yeah

00:25:12.740 and i'm not a fan of that you know what i mean i'm like you took this in your house why is it so

00:25:16.640 dark yeah i also don't i also like a lot i don't like a lot of grooming so i think the things that

00:25:22.640 probably would make something photogenic are not the things that i want to see irl i feel you have

00:25:28.280 you ever dated a guy that you like suspected was gay or was gay nothing no i personally haven't

00:25:35.280 had that problem though okay i have i've i've had a feeling that they um had girlfriends oh how do

00:25:42.660 you know uh because i found out one of them had a girlfriend you know the way to do that put a

00:25:47.180 bobby pin on the bedside table they'll never notice it but the girl will period tell them

00:25:51.660 that's how that's how you let them know just like a bobby pin a guy won't even guys don't see bobby

00:25:55.760 pins they just don't pick it up yeah and they're at least straight guy yeah and if you just put it

00:26:00.600 on the side a girl will be like what's this and i'll be like huh like how did you find out uh she

00:26:06.840 called me okay the girl the girl found she literally she jail broke his ipad because he 0.87

00:26:13.420 had a bunch of passwords on everything uh-huh and then she found my name in there and she had

00:26:18.460 seen him texting someone with my name but she thought i was a man and he did he have you

00:26:23.820 programmed as something else no he just had my full name in that's wild and so she you're supposed

00:26:27.860 to program it it's like at&t verizon grandma knew yeah that's because my name is associated with men

00:26:35.600 more heavily than women okay so it said drew so she thought it was a dude yeah and she was like

00:26:40.700 oh who's that and he was like oh it's my friend drew he never gendered me he was just like that's 0.98

00:26:45.120 my friend okay friend and then i don't do that shit with my friends yeah no no no we're not friends 0.92

00:26:50.200 yeah but so then what should she say she called me she said is this true and i said yeah and then 0.95

00:26:56.000 she i'm not kidding this is the exact conversation but it came from his number she called no she 0.93

00:26:59.960 called me on her own phone she just took my number off his ipad oh shit and then she called me and 0.92

00:27:05.000 then she said is this true and i said yeah and she's like this is drew and she said my off wallow 0.89

00:27:10.440 and i said yeah your address no no she just said my last name like oh she wanted to confirm that 0.89

00:27:16.100 was me and i go yeah who's this and then she started crying and then she said i fucking knew 0.80

00:27:21.100 it bro i fucking knew it and she's crying and that was it and had you been like dating him dating him 0.95

00:27:26.820 uh i wouldn't call it dating okay whatever that was i wouldn't call it dating what is it called 0.97

00:27:32.700 when they never go out with you but they always come over um true love unconditional love soul

00:27:41.820 wait call it when they uh refuse to be seen out in public with you no they don't want to share

00:27:47.060 you with anyone else they don't want anyone else to see you because they're afraid you'll get taken

00:27:50.580 wait what um okay but did you have a suspicion yeah i did yeah i had a feeling because he well

00:27:58.680 the not wanting to ever meet me on public thing was a big one uh and then only ever wanting to

00:28:03.240 come to my house never going to his that was another one might have lived in his car fine

00:28:07.440 he's green not a big carbon footprint i can turn anything negative into a positive it's kind of my

00:28:13.740 superpower i'm like he's married not afraid of commitment so that's good um okay well and then

00:28:19.400 did you meet your guy shortly thereafter yeah he was right after i do feel like sometimes when a

00:28:24.280 relationship goes sour or something's a really bad experience whether it's the contrast or whether

00:28:28.840 you're just open or whether you're so hurt you're not looking yeah that's when your person comes

00:28:32.680 i agree i i couldn't agree more on my friends hate when i do this but whenever they go through

00:28:36.920 a horrible breakup i'm like this means your soulmate's right around the corner and they're

00:28:40.560 like you know but i do feel like that yeah or at least when a great person comes along you have

00:28:45.320 something to compare them to and you don't take them for granted or something no for sure and

00:28:48.740 that was and he was my boyfriend now was right after that relationship and then how did you two

00:28:53.880 meet we actually went to high school together oh cute yeah we went to high school together um

00:28:58.600 we were not high school sweethearts i make sure to tell people that all the time i was like we

00:29:02.320 did not date in high school uh we were like cool we were friends okay nothing more that's so cute

00:29:07.500 then we would get like lunch like once did your mom know did she she knew did you like know she

00:29:12.560 knew when we started dating but like did you know them in high school yeah you know him in high 0.85

00:29:17.100 school i feel like mom's always no shit like i knew that and you're like well could you have told

00:29:19.920 me it's psychic witch he actually asked me to he asked me to prom my his senior year my junior year 0.96

00:29:26.560 and i said no so he like who did you go with i who did i go with the worst person alive my junior

00:29:34.440 year i went with the worst if i ever see that guy in person i swear to god i say this all the time 0.99

00:29:38.400 i'm gonna i'm gonna beat this shit out of him i'm just kidding i hate that guy he's the worst 0.98

00:29:45.220 person alive and i didn't know that before he we went to prom together what happened he he's just 0.99

00:29:51.580 well first of all a devout mormon so okay bad news i don't i'm fine i i would like some help

00:29:58.420 around the house i think you need to think this through you want a doomsday prepper okay get a 0.98

00:30:04.320 mormon all right they lot they love doomsday prepping really yeah they know some shit oh 0.97

00:30:09.160 yeah yeah he was a devout mormon which i didn't hate because like my dad's you're like not one 0.99

00:30:15.140 woman wants to marry you dude yeah yeah chill relax uh well first of all one of the things he

00:30:20.440 told me that i was like uh-oh was he was getting we were texting each other like trying to get to

00:30:25.320 know each other a little bit better and then he told me that he'd only been to a beach once in 0.77

00:30:29.860 his life and i was like oh i mean like that's cool whatever you're fucking high school so you're like

00:30:34.740 that's cool right and then he told me yeah the one time i went though i had a bad experience and i 0.76

00:30:39.700 said why and he said um i didn't know the salt water what or i didn't know ocean water was salt

00:30:44.840 water so i drank a lot of it um thinking it was fresh water and then i had to get my stomach

00:30:49.860 pumped even if it was fresh water were you like why were you drinking i asked him that i said like

00:30:57.700 well why were you drinking the body of water that you're swimming in with strangers i mean

00:31:01.780 that to me doesn't really make any sense like no i just thought i was drinking piss

00:31:06.500 i thought it was normal human like a normal person would and i was like oh okay well

00:31:14.020 all right don't know how to guess i got to speed past that because i don't know what to do

00:31:17.780 um and then when we would hang out it was just there was just so many things like one of the 0.76

00:31:23.400 things he asked me what my type was and i'm fucking 16 so i'm like um someone you know is 0.85

00:31:30.060 just like nice and funny like i'm trying not someone that knows how oceans work someone who's 0.90

00:31:35.080 well aware that all oceans are saltwater um i think that bar is kind of low but i was like i

00:31:40.920 don't know someone nice and funny i guess and i was like what about you and he was like oh i like

00:31:45.460 short white girls with glasses i don't know if you could tell by looking at me but i am neither

00:31:50.200 short nor white um i do wear glasses but not all the time okay and literally i remember the whole

00:31:56.780 time i was hanging out with him i never wore my glasses because i didn't want him to know like 0.98

00:32:00.520 think that i was doing that oh for him yeah walking into walls yeah just like fucked up 0.92

00:32:06.120 vision the whole time we hung out short white girls with glasses how did that work out he's 0.96

00:32:11.380 now just with Greta Thunberg just they're both she's trying to save the ocean he doesn't know

00:32:16.860 how it works perfect couple the perfect couple it's funny too because he broke up with the

00:32:22.700 girlfriend that he had been with for like years to go to prom with me and then went back home

00:32:28.240 and then got back together with her and now I think they're married and have kids so I love 1.00

00:32:31.980 that for her I love that for her that's their journey not my problem bitch sorry bye wish you 0.83

00:32:37.820 well not him but like i don't think in general prom is kind of a toxic tradition oh absolutely 0.77

00:32:44.240 as i look back i'm kind of like is that so we spent all year like trying to figure out who we

00:32:48.320 were gonna dry hump in front of our teachers oh yeah it's kind of an insane thing yeah their

00:32:55.080 proms were very like tv prom i think from what he described to me and i was like okay well that's

00:33:01.200 not how my school gets down i just want you to know like my school plays like the craziest music 0.98

00:33:07.100 ever and people are are humping and sucking and fucking girl like just like keep that in mind and 0.93

00:33:12.200 i was like i literally was prepping him yeah then when he saw it in person like he was 0.99

00:33:17.640 disgusted so you ruined his he's not getting into heaven because if i can't go neither can he

00:33:24.340 i took one down with me you're welcome he honestly i at one point do i ask him if he wanted to dance

00:33:29.680 and he was like no and he said he was disgusted with me and then he said um that goes against god

00:33:36.620 and i go well you can ask for forgiveness tomorrow because it was a saturday i thought that was funny

00:33:41.160 yeah um and he literally looked at me went that's not funny

00:33:44.560 tough room my bad tough town you know what else god did

00:33:50.900 created the ocean

00:33:54.540 so that was god trying to take him out feels like you skimmed that chapter

00:34:00.140 sir did you forget that part yeah so i hate him i'm kind of obsessed with salt lake city or that 0.72

00:34:07.480 whole thing uh has the highest plastic surgery rate because women that were mormon yeah tore up 0.66

00:34:15.040 their bodies so much yeah got kicked to the curb at like 25 after having 12 kids and then had to go 0.92

00:34:20.220 do a revamp that's terrible wild i know that's why i was like i hate him so hate that guy yeah

00:34:26.820 thankfully uh nothing nothing came of that thankfully yeah but then you got to be with

00:34:32.660 your guy yeah okay that was like well after college so after i after i graduated college

00:34:36.880 did you like refine each other or did you keep in touch we kind of kept in touch like we kept

00:34:41.140 in touch the whole time we get lunch once a year like old co-workers and then we wouldn't talk like

00:34:46.500 we would just if i was home and he was home we would get lunch and catch up and then go our

00:34:50.660 separate ways and then when was the time that it after i graduated from college and moved home

00:34:55.720 i'm so obsessed with your boyfriend now because i love that he like wasn't into you when you were

00:35:02.380 like 15 16 you know what i mean like he never was a creep well he yeah no and he was also dating

00:35:09.380 other people in high school and i wasn't and then when we went to college we dated other people too 0.99

00:35:12.880 and then after that's good you gotta get some idiots out of your system yeah absolutely and 0.98

00:35:17.000 then what was the like spark uh well first of all i was ignoring him he kept this is the most 1.00

00:35:22.360 like the shittiest Reese Witherspoon movie that I would I would never believe like I went we went

00:35:29.220 to school together and there and then all of a sudden he was like it's been you this whole time 0.96

00:35:32.320 like what we literally I was ignoring him because he he pissed me the fuck off and I don't even 0.69

00:35:39.300 remember what happened that's when you knew it was love yeah he annoyed me and I literally was

00:35:43.380 like we're cool we don't need to hang out we're not we don't need to be friends it's cool and I

00:35:46.760 just like was ignoring him and when I was about to graduate he was like hey we should hang out

00:35:51.700 when you come home and i was ignoring him then he he texted me like four or five more times like hey

00:35:56.320 like are you home yet and i was home i just like what did he do to annoy you uh he blew i think it

00:36:02.400 was that he had blown me off a few times uh like but it was getting the time was getting closer and

00:36:08.640 closer each time so it'd be like the couple days before then it would be the day of then it would

00:36:14.300 be an hour before then it was like he just wouldn't show up at all and i was like i'm not 0.89

00:36:18.380 fucking dating you so i don't know why we're doing this totally like i was like you're standing me up 0.97

00:36:22.020 and we're getting lunch like yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck out of here and i literally text him i'm like 0.99

00:36:25.440 hey we're not even really that close so it's fine we don't need we don't need to hang out 0.97

00:36:28.760 we're good that was like the last text i had sent him i am so into calling a friendship

00:36:34.440 that is not taking yeah that's not what happened with you but like there are these maintenance

00:36:40.440 friendships that you're kind of like should we just call it like like i don't want to do this

00:36:46.560 it doesn't seem like you really want to do this like i feel like we're just like yeah both feel

00:36:51.180 bad like let's just call it yeah like how sick would it be if we just never talked to them

00:36:55.800 should we just do that yeah it's one of those where you're like you know what instead of this

00:37:00.020 awkward twice a year chipotle run yeah that's like exactly that's why i was like what are we

00:37:05.680 doing like yeah i love that you just like said that yeah and then he was like we're not even

00:37:10.200 really that close that's what i i wrote that out and sent it to him we're not really that close

00:37:14.920 it's savage we don't need to ever hang out again it's cool and then he was like oh no i don't want

00:37:20.060 you to be upset with me or he sent me something like apologizing and i just never responded

00:37:23.560 and i remember too right before i moved home uh from college he would he would comment silly 0.86

00:37:29.240 shit on my instagram pictures and i would get so mad and i would literally delete them i would 0.99

00:37:34.220 just delete them to be a dick because i was so annoyed i'm like get the fuck off my picture 0.99

00:37:38.180 and i was so crazy because only like he knows like that's the thing about deleting someone's 0.99

00:37:44.800 comment is just between you and them yeah which is so crazy when you think about it yeah especially

00:37:50.720 because i had no following neither of us it's such a dunk on somebody it's such a personal like

00:37:55.560 i don't want people knowing i know you i literally deleted it and then he would text he text me and

00:38:02.340 was like did you delete my comment and i just never responded did you notice that i deleted 0.95

00:38:06.380 your comment yeah fucking free that's even weirder you're so obsessed with me anyways i went home 0.96

00:38:10.400 he kept hitting me up blah blah blah and then i remember the last one he said he's like this is 0.99

00:38:15.240 the last time i'm gonna try i really do want to make it up to you i'm really sorry like i've been

00:38:19.480 a shitty friend and whatever he wrote me this really nice text which he never used to talk

00:38:23.320 like that to me at the time and i remember i was at the nail salon with my mom and i showed it to 0.98

00:38:27.960 her and i was like can you believe this fucking guy and then my mom was like you should go like 0.99

00:38:32.780 to lunch or something i'm like why she goes because like what if he if he doesn't suck 1.00

00:38:36.720 then that's cool and if he does suck you got a free meal and i said and that's period i'm period 0.99

00:38:41.640 bitch yes you know what you're right and i text him back and then we went and jokes on me he got 0.98

00:38:47.140 me it's also fascinating because it's like he obviously liked you yeah but the thing that 0.96

00:38:52.160 really got him was you having self-respect yeah dude and we always forget about that

00:38:59.340 you just respected yourself and he's like she's my wife like it's amazing it's like all that had

00:39:05.720 to happen i asked him too i was like why did you keep texting me because he's not that kind of 0.97

00:39:09.840 person at all because i couldn't treat you like shit and then you knew you had value so then i 0.94

00:39:14.960 valued you it was just like 101 yeah and he like i mean you see what he looks like he doesn't have 0.98

00:39:20.620 any problems getting female attention literally ever even now but like i see that he he told me

00:39:26.780 I asked him I was like why did you keep hitting me up like of all of all the years I knew him he

00:39:30.760 was never that kind of guy uh to chase really and he was like I don't know something just told me

00:39:35.520 that like I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't and now I know why because you

00:39:38.560 I was meant to marry you and I was like you know what shut up first of all don't be sweet and

00:39:44.360 loving knock it off so bad for my brand and then how no I think it's actually part of being able

00:39:52.140 to i don't want to say get away with yeah it's because you don't hate men yeah it's true it's

00:39:56.480 specific like yeah i hate very specific men i spent so much time um being called like a man

00:40:01.660 hater and my first you know couple specials i just kind of made fun of men that i was dating

00:40:06.280 and made fun of like how ridiculous like sex is and stuff like that i was like totally no i don't

00:40:09.800 hate men although that's like i make fun of women just as much yeah try to make fun of everybody but 0.84

00:40:14.080 it's like no i love them so much that this unfortunately this haunts me yeah do you know

00:40:18.980 what I'm saying it's like so I think part of the reason you're able to go so hard at men is because

00:40:23.280 you know what good ones are like totally and you know the good ones are out there yeah I've told

00:40:26.540 people that before too I've always told them I'm like I it's quite the opposite because sometimes

00:40:30.600 men online especially they'll be like oh fatherless behavior that's like their new thing

00:40:34.720 they like fatherless behavior which is I have it so I'm just curious what it is it's a modern daddy

00:40:40.520 issues yeah kind of thing and they're like that's what she hates men and I was like well it's actually

00:40:44.740 quite the opposite do way more damage okay like yours is here right now loving you which is a

00:40:50.380 whole other trauma i was i've said to the people before though i'm like it's quite the opposite

00:40:56.460 actually i've seen what men are capable of and this is not it yeah yeah that's what my bar is 0.68

00:41:01.320 so high yeah i was like i i hate you i don't hate men i hate you okay fatherless behavior that's 0.70

00:41:06.460 women going to kachala what is it it's just feather earrings it's real it's real like rose 0.91

00:41:12.680 all day shirts yeah it's real vague to be honest it's just women who don't act or do the things

00:41:18.840 that misogynistic women that post marilyn monroe quotes it's women who love themselves okay okay 0.99

00:41:26.240 like oh i can't treat you like shit okay clearly you don't have a dad but fatherless behavior is 1.00

00:41:32.480 women with daddy issues yeah so it could be women who sleep around it could be women who don't sleep 1.00

00:41:37.180 around it could be fat women it could be skinny women it could be so it's just a new way of saying 1.00

00:41:40.860 you're a woman essentially okay got it it's just slut it's a new word for slut okay it's like well 1.00

00:41:47.460 it's not just slut either because like that's not why they say to me that to me they say to me 1.00

00:41:51.820 because they think that's why i hate them i hate men and i even so i'm like even if i did hate all 0.92

00:41:56.980 of them what are you gonna do about it yeah yeah it's also i i mean it's like i think i call women

00:42:02.340 out too i think it's yeah you know calling i just think that i don't think about like i'm making

00:42:06.260 fun of a man i'm making fun of a woman just like this is you know um but i do think it's important

00:42:10.940 that men call out men and women call out women too do you know what i mean totally and when a 0.96

00:42:15.620 man talks shit about women i'm not like you're talking about may i'm like no you're talking 0.95

00:42:19.840 about her and the women that do that yeah whereas if i'm gonna make fun of a man doing this why did 1.00

00:42:23.580 you just involve you i'm not talking about you you're like outing yourself like why do you hate

00:42:27.940 men i'm like no i'm not even i don't even know you yeah literally i think you do i know i just

00:42:32.520 even sometimes i'll make videos not even talking about men i'll just be talking about women and 0.99

00:42:38.420 then they're like and what about us what about you bitch i'm not thinking about you like men just 0.98

00:42:42.920 jump in yeah like and what about men what about you you make your own video yeah i was like you 0.99

00:42:48.580 make your own video about you yeah go do that don't come in here i'm not talking everyone's

00:42:53.720 i mean this must be fascinating like like i feel like that getting in the public eye or whatever i

00:42:58.540 am was so incremental for me in a way for you did it just feel like so fast i feel like there's so

00:43:03.940 much adjusting oh yeah totally it's been it's been a big like adjustment over the past like i think

00:43:08.920 now we're going on three years that i've been doing this like full time but yeah it's been a

00:43:13.200 lot especially in the beginning because like my shtick was making fun of awful dudes but even 0.83

00:43:18.360 then i'm like i just make silly ass jokes about what they look like and it's men who are attacking 0.91

00:43:22.880 the looks of other women so it's like exactly it's a fair fight yeah i figure i'm like well

00:43:26.940 i thought you were cool with commenting on looks because you did it yeah if you can give it you

00:43:30.020 should be able to take it and i've told people before i'm like i truly think that like so 1.00

00:43:33.600 sometimes they're like well then i should be able to call you a fat fucking bitch by all means you 0.99

00:43:37.100 absolutely god speak and here's the other thing like i'm so pro first amendment it's ridiculous 1.00

00:43:42.640 i'm a comic right say what literally you can say whatever you want yeah but you have to be cool

00:43:49.880 with the fact that people aren't gonna like you after like you can say it like i should be able 0.92

00:43:55.220 to say the n-word you know what say it but then you're gonna get punched in the face yeah and

00:44:01.220 that's on you everyone's gonna clap and that's so just you have to be okay with the consequences

00:44:06.040 that you can say it i've said that too i'm like you could you could literally say anything you 0.60

00:44:10.940 want like when i was i was fucking up some dude recently and they were saying they were like oh 0.70

00:44:16.540 you can't joke about anything i'm like yeah you can you absolutely you could joke about whatever 0.92

00:44:20.580 the fuck you want and i was like you just have to deal with the consequences after but also like 0.91

00:44:25.040 when they're like i can't say anything i'm like in what in what way like you're still saying it 1.00

00:44:30.120 and no one's stopping you so like literally nothing is stopping you at all so i don't know 0.98

00:44:34.300 what the fuck you're talking about it's like you're just making fun of men and then they pay 0.99

00:44:37.440 money to watch mma and watch men beat the shit out of each other you're like you love watching 1.00

00:44:40.880 men get beat up what are you doing oh but when i do it it's just you're pretty just tell me you're 0.99

00:44:46.260 pretty you're in love with me you're obsessed with me you know what i mean like i don't like

00:44:52.900 it's just sometimes the line like it does get blurred a little bit does high school ever end

00:44:57.740 are they just pulling your pigtails in high school you know what i mean it just they're

00:45:01.580 just flirting yeah it's and it's also i feel like um again i'm like i make fun of people so openly

00:45:07.920 and so publicly if i had a problem with people making fun of what i look like then i would be 0.90

00:45:12.680 in the wrong profession right totally totally and i was like i can take a fucking joke that's 0.86

00:45:16.300 the difference between you and me right right like i said earlier i've got a lot of gay friends a lot 0.98

00:45:20.920 a drag queen friend you have to be able to take it nothing builds the armor quite like that anything

00:45:25.680 that's i mean people ask me this question a lot and i don't always love it but like do is there

00:45:29.240 anything that's off limits you're like ah uh like to make fun of or to just talk about in general

00:45:34.900 not really i mean i mean it doesn't stop the people that have made fun of me have

00:45:40.660 truly said the most awful shit i've ever seen in my life like i'm just saying objectively it's

00:45:45.200 really terrible yeah when it comes to the negative comments i'm finding more and more well first of 0.99

00:45:50.200 i did block certain words you can do that yeah on instagram i don't know if you can on tiktok you

00:45:55.140 can on tiktok you can yeah okay so this is actually even more important than your favorite

00:45:59.040 girl scout cookie which is what are the words that you auto block on social media that will

00:46:04.440 help me learn a lot about you oh honestly i think for the most part when i first got started i put

00:46:09.760 in a lot of like private information because people because naturally um i got doxed many

00:46:15.760 times when i was first like sure doing uh tiktoks they were like threatening my life the story of

00:46:21.800 being a woman uh good news bad news gavin de becker who's like the big security expert guy

00:46:27.020 yeah when i had a bunch of death threats he was like oh well the person that's going to kill you

00:46:31.080 is not going to give you a heads up you want to hear something so and you're kind of like that's

00:46:35.740 exactly what one of my friends told me i feel better and worse the people literally that are

00:46:40.640 going to threaten you you do not have to worry about yeah that's that's actually so true because

00:46:45.060 that was something i talked to other creators about that had similar issues and they told me

00:46:50.580 the same thing they were like well they're not going to tell you cool they're not going to it

00:46:54.080 will just come out of left field and you'll never know which is you can't prepare for it you cannot

00:46:59.420 prepare for yeah so essentially just calm down and relax sleep well at night okay i turned into

00:47:06.040 a full man i'm like calm down just relax i know that's uh so i have a lot of private stuff that's

00:47:13.000 like the first stuff in there and then i started muting names of dudes that i had already talked 0.88

00:47:17.660 about because i was like i don't want to fucking see this shit anymore okay i'm over it i don't 0.95

00:47:21.580 want to see i burn that down yeah yeah i was like yeah he's never coming back i put my boot on his 0.99

00:47:27.540 fucking head and pushed him back down to hell okay he's fine so like that's really all i have 0.99

00:47:31.820 muted i think for negative comments though they usually only hurt when i agree with them yeah i 0.99

00:47:38.360 feel that that's the tricky one when someone's like your third special was so much better than

00:47:41.840 your second i'm like that's true you're like you're right you're right yeah i've told i've

00:47:48.740 talked about this before too like i went on a podcast um and i was talking about comments that

00:47:53.640 i got because they asked me about hate comments they always ask me about that but i they were

00:47:57.180 like what or has any comment ever hurt your feelings and i was like honestly no like men

00:48:01.900 are not nearly smart enough to be clever and witty uh in my comments personally so nothing 0.98

00:48:07.740 they've ever said has been funny or endearing at all i was like honestly the meanest shit i've ever 0.98

00:48:12.320 gotten was from people who love me um and they're trying to compliment me sure and it's not a 0.85

00:48:19.180 compliment at all it's tricky when someone says like or like tries to be funny like i come from

00:48:25.200 like roast and comedy and people come up and a lot of times when you're trying to be funny and

00:48:28.980 you miss it's either an insult or a lie right so it's like it's it's and especially over like

00:48:35.520 you know written yeah exactly like the sarcasm doesn't come through it's like i know calling 0.98

00:48:40.700 me a dumb cunt like you thought that was hilarious but the inflection doesn't really play it doesn't 0.93

00:48:47.360 hit the ear in the comments quite well yeah and i even um i talked about on that show that i was on 0.99

00:48:53.460 about how like someone told me they felt really represented by me and every time they say that

00:48:57.740 to me i i cautiously read the rest of it because it will hurt my feelings because it's someone who

00:49:02.480 genuinely loves me like it's not meant to be an insult at all which i know um but i am a human

00:49:09.860 with a brain and eyes so i unfortunately i still see it and they said that they felt really 0.97

00:49:14.180 represented by me because they were uh also wall-eyed which i was like what the fuck is that 0.94

00:49:19.720 because i only know about cockeyed and that's not good so i looked it up and it's literally

00:49:24.820 comparative to a horse like their eyes look opposite directions yeah and they were saying

00:49:29.240 seeing you being so confident and being wallied has made me feel really good i love it when it's

00:49:34.760 in a compliment it's like you know what you just you don't even care what you wear and that's

00:49:40.580 really inspiring and you're like what um oh girl that's i you're not that i don't think

00:49:45.580 um according to the i get called horse face a lot so i feel like i would know what's even

00:49:50.280 crazier is like when they posted that clip on tiktok it's funny i'm like making jokes about

00:49:54.460 myself i i joked about it whatever uh and it did really well on tiktok and all of the comments 0.99

00:49:59.940 were literally like i mean girl you're still beautiful first of all fuck you second of all 0.99

00:50:05.240 i am not medically walled i don't have to sit here and justify that shit to y'all i was like 0.99

00:50:09.520 i literally wrote i was like i like how everyone all of a sudden is dude i would love to be wall 0.96

00:50:13.600 like that i can fucking see i got eyes behind my head no one's creeping up on you like if you're 0.61

00:50:17.640 gonna become a famous influencer you want eyes on the side of your head that's very real i wouldn't 0.98

00:50:21.720 have to worry about people sneaking up to kill me because i could see i mean here's the thing i love

00:50:27.140 a clever insult like there's nothing worse than someone just saying something nasty and hurting

00:50:31.420 your feelings but there's nothing better when someone just nails it and that's why i love

00:50:35.740 comics so much that's why i love doing the roast so much like one time nick swartzen was on my

00:50:39.300 podcast and like on my podcast i get like you have such a good energy you're so chill but like i come

00:50:44.280 from like like i like someone i'm trying so hard to like get a bit in or like when comics are on

00:50:48.800 sometimes you really feel like we're like yeah totally so i'm like going a million miles an hour

00:50:53.460 yeah and then he was like telling a story and i like was getting bored i guess and i was like

00:50:58.560 i like kept saying what i thought the punchline of the story was gonna be and he's like would

00:51:01.880 you just let me finish i was like well you're taking forever and he just went sorry i'm not

00:51:05.100 an adderall mannequin like it's just like it's such a perfect insult it's kind of flattering

00:51:14.340 it's kind of it's clever i've never heard that pairing of words yeah so if you're gonna do it

00:51:19.300 just like give it some thought you know what i mean a lot of times people just slide into my 0.97

00:51:23.360 like comments are like you dumb bitch i'm like do you need more time yeah for like just spend 0.99

00:51:27.300 more time on the insult sometimes i respond and i'm like that was a zero out of ten do you want 1.00

00:51:32.880 to try again my last name is cummings i've heard it all since i was a wee top just come with

00:51:39.480 something a little more clever and like i'm sure it would tickle me pink yeah i've the one insult

00:51:43.860 i've ever gone that was um from a man that honestly didn't hate me which made it even

00:51:48.360 funnier to me like it was just like a drive by he hit me um he just said i looked like a 0.99

00:51:53.380 the pot of greed card from yugioh and like if you looked it up yeah you got me bitch like you 0.99

00:51:59.240 fucking got me bitch like if i google the esoteric insult and it hits yeah i'm in love with i looked 0.99

00:52:05.960 it up and i said yeah you know okay that's i was like that was that was three years ago i still 0.99

00:52:11.760 remember to this day where i got it when i got it what i was wearing because i was like that's

00:52:16.140 honestly hilarious i one time and this was like before all like the gender drama this is like

00:52:20.420 five years ago i was walking into a starbucks and you know when you like know like there's like a

00:52:24.040 table of guys and you know they're like looking at you yeah yeah you know what i mean it was like

00:52:27.260 three dudes that were just like sitting out front of starbucks like post it up for like the day

00:52:31.280 just to do whatever you know what i mean and then cheating on their wives i told girls would walk

00:52:36.940 by and they would just look at them right so it's like you know a group of guys like guys you would

00:52:40.140 never date or talk to but then you have to like i'm just like naomi campbell all of a sudden for

00:52:47.260 no reason like oh these guys are disgusting but i still want them to be in love with me

00:52:51.420 so i'm like and then i like looked over just to see if they were still looking you know what i 0.60

00:52:56.080 mean and i caught uh eye contact with one of the guys and he just went what's up dude

00:53:01.560 i think about it twice a week like what like it wasn't an insult it was kind of just a weird

00:53:09.960 they just dap you up but it was like like you know that thing the game it was that book that

00:53:13.800 like taught guys how to be mean to girls to make them like them or something just like i was like

00:53:17.060 does he really think i'm wait what's up why did he say dude like was that was he flirting was he

00:53:22.380 not like i still don't know the answer like it just it drives me nuts it works the pickup artist

00:53:26.740 yeah so that's the other thing like don't go straight for mean or too nice just go like in

00:53:31.300 just go to confusing confusing you know what i'm saying just like spinny wheel from the like

00:53:35.940 computer like rebuffering stream like it just like paralyzed and you're still thinking about

00:53:40.480 it so it worked i mean like i mean craigslist misconnections i'll see you tonight let me know

00:53:46.720 i check it every night refresh i've had like a few instances yeah with online men like that's

00:53:53.820 really the only ever time i think recently i got one from a guy that just said go to the gym

00:53:58.780 chunko which i thought was hilarious i think chunko i was like chunko that you kind of ate

00:54:04.580 i love a bucko yeah i love a hey bucko i've had some old sometimes really old men comment on my 0.97

00:54:12.520 shit um and they'll write crazy like you could tell they're a hundred years old based off how 0.98

00:54:18.140 they wrote the comment um and they're never interesting but i love making old jokes they're 1.00

00:54:24.020 like you're a real snake in the grass what these old timey ass insults oh you corpulent lass 0.98

00:54:32.600 and that sticks with me i'm kind of like okay i gotta think about that one a little bit 0.99

00:54:38.900 but one time i wrote to a guy i'm like i i wrote back to this old man i should say this this

00:54:44.640 gentleman okay i was like did you like sneak your phone away from the nurse that's clearly 0.97

00:54:50.460 taking care of you to write this elder abuse girl shit although i want to be mean to you but i don't 1.00

00:54:56.360 i respect my elders i don't want to be too mean to you you geriatric fuck he's like he got your 1.00

00:55:01.420 about you've got mail she wrote me back literally i i love an old guy's coming on my shit i love a 0.99

00:55:09.860 good old person joke yeah i mean i feel like on like like their profiles just like the egg 0.69

00:55:14.720 yeah you know what i mean or just like them like a fuzzy photo with an arm around them like who

00:55:19.620 did you crop out take a new photo or it's like just a really up close picture like the phone

00:55:26.360 was like right here dude i feel like guys in their 40s especially if they're divorced it's a

00:55:31.620 lot of like car seat selfies with a seatbelt on it's a lot of just like got it yeah safety

00:55:39.260 why are they always in the car always in the car and they always have those wraparound glasses

00:55:44.580 like those yeah yeah yeah but they're like they're like stokely's

00:55:49.040 like a gas station yeah totally like the iridescent like oh brutal like i know you're

00:55:57.520 wearing a fanny pack i can tell from your face you're wearing those finger shoes yeah he's got

00:56:02.540 dude a finger shoe i don't know man no i'm not gonna go to the eagles concert with you

00:56:09.580 yeah i don't need to see rush it's okay yeah the neil diamond cover man

00:56:15.560 i don't think i can make it i don't think i can get there by 4 30

00:56:19.860 okay so we talked about all kinds of shit okay um we were just being hilarious i love your energy

00:56:27.960 this is very like fun but not like i do mostly stand-up comics podcasts and it's just this like 0.94

00:56:34.320 it's um fatherless behavior it doesn't feel fatherless i love that nice warm yeah warm

00:56:42.040 energy in here fun well before i said it a little bit in the beginning but i do want to mention this

00:56:46.480 like i love your comedy and i've like looked up to you for a very long time so i'm honored that

00:56:51.580 you came on the show come on i wish i had said that in the beginning but you're too busy laughing

00:56:55.120 um but i do like you've been in the game for a while and you're such a pillar especially for 0.96

00:57:00.540 female comics like in the industry so i'm so curious as someone i'm just a silly bitch on

00:57:05.180 the internet but for people especially women who want to like do stand up and like maybe are afraid 0.98

00:57:10.200 because i like you said you've gotten a lot of like shit from men especially with your type of 0.99

00:57:15.420 comedy which is it challenges a lot of things and i think that's why men get so fucking angry 0.98

00:57:19.220 because they feel so called out by you but like as someone who's been going through it and still

00:57:24.080 succeeding and still doing it like what's your best piece of advice for women who want to come 1.00

00:57:28.320 up and stand up especially now i know it's like shifted drastically god suck every dick 0.98

00:57:32.740 it'll open a door i no i it's actually i mean a big thing i think is if you're really serious 0.99

00:57:41.560 about being in comedy don't date comics don't date comics and i'm sure it's it seems like oh

00:57:46.500 we'll write jokes together this like there's no way no offense that you're gonna end up together 0.92

00:57:50.440 and you're gonna end up like just don't shit where you eat regardless i think that's like a 1.00

00:57:53.980 main thing for like women in any business like don't date your co-worker like it's just work 1.00

00:57:57.920 is already hard like you're just don't want to add another complication to your workplace like 1.00

00:58:02.260 resist the urge i know most women are like oh we don't have trouble resisting comedian male 0.92

00:58:07.360 comedians that's just you like but whatever just like stay away from that if at all possible i

00:58:11.940 think that's like good at all i think also just like figuring out who you are i think when you

00:58:16.220 start you're kind of like i'm like this comedian or i'm like this person just like who are you so

00:58:21.060 it's like doing things that aren't just comedy centric i think we're all so like you know want

00:58:25.100 to make it so bad and we're so ambitious i'm getting so serious um that we forget sometimes

00:58:30.140 like in order for art to imitate life you have to have a life so if you're like i need to stay

00:58:34.020 like if you're working all the time the only thing you have to talk about is work that's you know and

00:58:37.820 so like be an interesting person like you know go to that concert like go do that thing go make

00:58:42.960 those mistakes yeah like go on a bunch of bad dates with people that you don't think you would

00:58:46.860 ever end up with for the stories you know what i mean it's like a good way for i think people that

00:58:50.420 are really ambitious to go like actually live a life so that you actually have something to talk

00:58:55.100 about and you can be relatable to people that was a huge mistake that i made like when i first

00:58:58.760 started i was like in front of my computer all day like what's funny about being on a computer

00:59:02.100 all day like i had no you know life experience to pull from totally because i think that we're so

00:59:06.920 like i just want to like work 24 7 and grind 24 7 but sometimes the best thing you can do is like

00:59:11.980 have a balanced life that's where the best like material comes from totally just chill out and

00:59:16.460 it's also i think that it's it's like i had this like stress of like i had to make it so fast like

00:59:21.280 you only get better as a comic you know like the men don't really have that stress they just like

00:59:25.280 they're like oh we're like why and we just get better as we get older and smarter and more

00:59:28.380 experienced like yeah it's the same with women too yeah that was gonna i was gonna ask you about 1.00

00:59:32.680 that too because i was so curious like how existing in this space as like as a female comic 1.00

00:59:38.260 too if it's been like do you find it a lot easier now existing around because obviously you have to 1.00

00:59:43.360 you feel like you have to prove yourself all the time especially as women you always have to do it

00:59:47.520 because then even if you've made it a lot i've done six specials now i have to keep doing things

00:59:51.820 to prove that that wasn't all just handed to me yeah whether it wasn't just an accident totally

00:59:56.880 you know you have like a fluke and that i haven't like lost it yeah i'm not like out of touch now

01:00:01.740 like you always have to be proving something and i think that especially if you want to be great

01:00:05.520 you should always be insecure about how good you are because you're going to be comparing yourself

01:00:09.820 to the people above you that's so for me it's like i don't you could just keep getting better

01:00:12.940 yeah i'm comparing myself to chapelle every day yeah do you know what i mean so it's like don't

01:00:16.300 compare yourself to people that are going to keep you mediocre period you know and then also it's

01:00:20.740 like when you get known and you get famous and you start selling tickets number one it used to be

01:00:24.140 like i would go on stage and it was like well they only paid 10 bucks to come in and see all these

01:00:27.580 unknown comics now they paid 80 dollars to come see me you specifically they got a babysitter

01:00:32.320 and they got parking and they have to pay for two drinks so it's like they're like i spent 300 bucks 0.99

01:00:36.600 on this bitch this better be funny you know or they're like oh i gotta hear what all the hype's 0.98

01:00:41.780 about or yeah bar is that much higher for you it just keeps getting raised totally so the pressure 0.99

01:00:46.360 is never gonna be gone yeah you know like it definitely gets more fun in a lot of ways like

01:00:50.080 sometimes audiences will give you a little more of a benefit of the doubt yeah but when you miss

01:00:53.740 they're kind of like how could you miss at this stage and it's even worse you know yeah they're

01:00:57.980 more embarrassing or people are rooting against you because you know that people love nothing more

01:01:01.900 than to build people up just to watch them fail yeah especially in hollywood so a lot of times

01:01:05.980 people like let's just make this harder for her just yeah you know i think too like i admire stand

01:01:11.600 up so much and i feel like it's such a uniquely terrifying art form to me because it's just i

01:01:18.380 love making people laugh so that's why I love stand-up so much it's like because I love laughing

01:01:22.180 obviously um so I admire you for being around not only for this long but like also just at the

01:01:29.500 success that you've had not just on your specials but also on your roast like that's what a lot of

01:01:33.340 people know you for too which that's how I found you initially because you were my fave on all the

01:01:38.400 daises that I watched you're so sweet I loved watching you be mean to men and I think that

01:01:41.960 something about this is like specifically and after meeting you I believe this even more strongly

01:01:46.320 is like no matter how rough you are or critical you are as a stand-up or a thinker or a podcaster

01:01:51.840 or a roaster or content creator i've always tried to lead from love and i know that sounds dorky

01:01:58.140 yeah but if you're going like i like and you're coming from a place of like you just made fun of

01:02:03.180 people's looks so this is a fair fight if you always make sure it's like a fair fight on some

01:02:07.020 level i think you're always gonna win totally and if you're not coming from a place of like

01:02:10.320 hate or negativity like you have a warmth to you yeah you like have a warmth to you and i think

01:02:15.080 that that's a really important thing to kind of like because like people will never remember what

01:02:18.980 you said but they'll remember like how they felt when they were watching totally you know what i

01:02:22.560 mean absolutely and they're like i want to hang out with that person yeah that's how i feel about

01:02:26.180 you and you have this too you're like i want to hang out with her and i know that's a ridiculous

01:02:29.820 maybe a hard thing to apply but sometimes now when i'm writing i'm like ah that's very funny

01:02:35.080 it's just too mean you know what i mean yeah and also you have to update your software on yourself

01:02:39.560 you're not allowed to be insecure at a certain stage because i still feel like some days i'm

01:02:42.920 like oh I'm just this like open mic or like I'm just this whatever whatever other people don't

01:02:46.280 see me that way so I can't pull off the same material I could pull off before totally do

01:02:50.420 you know what I mean yeah so when you get more successful you have to like update your software

01:02:54.080 and you don't get to be so humble that you're out of touch with yourself yeah and you can't pull

01:02:57.840 things off and you come off meaner than you are that's so real do you know what I mean because

01:03:02.360 like it was really cute when you were an underdog yeah but now it's kind of like you can't really do

01:03:05.660 that anymore totally as you get especially when you because as you rise up you get more access

01:03:10.540 to things which would be even less of an excuse totally to continue to like be mean for sport

01:03:16.380 totally as opposed for being funny completely yeah and then people see you like sort of a

01:03:20.640 certain way you know i live in hollywood i've done television shows people think i eat babies

01:03:24.600 so i so i can't i gotta watch it on the eating babies show because people already think i do

01:03:31.480 that like you know and you it's just evolving too totally as a comic as like a public person

01:03:36.700 it's like you get better with time as you evolve and also comedy is fashion yeah you know it goes

01:03:41.440 in and out what was funny yesterday might not be funny today because so many things change you know

01:03:45.240 it's like you know i just mean like it's an example of like you have to really be flexible

01:03:49.500 and egoless with just going like i'm gonna drop that maybe it'll come back later you know and

01:03:54.380 there's no harm in doing that either because if you're actually really good and really funny yes

01:03:58.760 your material can update with you and if you're really in it to be like i want to make someone's

01:04:03.900 day yeah I'm not in it to be like well I wrote this now I have to go say it's like no no you

01:04:08.880 were in this to make someone's day totally to basically like mind meld a bunch of people in

01:04:13.560 a room so that life got a little more tolerable for like two hours yeah you know what I mean

01:04:18.140 yeah I'm not trying to hurt people I do think it's interesting to go like oh I want to like

01:04:21.700 challenge people I want people to have to like look at their own beliefs because like if there

01:04:24.960 are certain jokes that like some of the audience loves and some of them is like groans you're kind

01:04:28.700 of like there's something interesting here yeah like this could there's like but you still have

01:04:31.880 to pat it with things that are just gonna make people laugh yeah but i think if you're like

01:04:35.200 signing up to make people uncomfortable or like like be sadistic about it like just you're not

01:04:40.760 you're not gonna make it as like a legend a legendary comment totally because then you're

01:04:45.100 also gonna be way more okay with the negative feedback you're gonna get what you're gonna get

01:04:48.700 man woman yeah old young whatever and then when someone says something negative to me on the

01:04:53.220 internet like i know what happens when i judge someone else when i'm like oh well i'm doing it

01:04:57.620 to make myself feel better yeah i had to like ding another person in order to feel some self

01:05:01.740 righteous indignation or superiority yeah i'm so insecure so when someone's mean to me i'm like

01:05:06.500 oh i just made your day by you making me your punching bag like i didn't sign up for exactly

01:05:12.560 how i was gonna make your day like i would love to have made you laugh yeah but i made you judge

01:05:17.220 me so like great i got to be that for you today yeah some days you're gonna love me some days

01:05:21.800 you're gonna hate me i can't control which one it's gonna be when and by who yeah so as long

01:05:25.200 as you're kind of okay with being super polarizing that's when i think as a female comic or you're

01:05:30.940 really able to be like okay i can do this yeah absolutely my friend caleb told me to like one

01:05:36.240 of his things was like he and he appreciates comics who adapt the material and don't have

01:05:41.740 an ego embedded in the material because he was saying like it if like it doesn't hit it doesn't

01:05:47.040 hit for whatever reason even if you thought it was awesome yeah you're not really you're not

01:05:51.240 writing the joke for you you're writing it for other people it's a total collaboration with the

01:05:54.860 you know and he was like a truly great comic like feels like and adapts as they go totally like and

01:06:01.860 he's like i think that's why people like you and other other comics that i love too caleb's one of

01:06:06.200 them um like truly make people laugh so hard and then also it's like it makes it easier almost to

01:06:12.280 like tell jokes that could be could be offensive or have offensive material embedded in it yeah

01:06:17.340 there's a way to do it in a way that's not denigrating you're also that that is a really

01:06:22.160 important point is that if you're trying to if you have like if you're 70 there on a premise

01:06:26.640 that is upsetting to people makes people groan like you've got to keep chiseling at it yeah to

01:06:32.040 say it in a smart enough way that it does make people laugh and the audience is never wrong

01:06:36.460 yeah I mean yeah totally the audience is always right the audience is always just trying to help

01:06:41.000 you get it right yeah that's the way that I look at it that's such a good way because I'm like

01:06:44.960 you're right I don't have it yet yeah I don't it's not in the right order yeah I'm gonna come 0.63

01:06:48.580 back tomorrow night and then just go like the audience sucks and they're against me it's like

01:06:51.820 no no one shows up at a comedy club and doesn't want to laugh no one pays money and it's like i

01:06:55.820 want to be missed like they're rooting for you yeah they want you to make them laugh but so

01:06:59.640 that's like getting on stage even like in little ways like just leading with love going like i

01:07:03.680 love this audience you guys love like we're in this together whereas i used to go on stage and

01:07:07.340 it was very combative with the audience i think being a woman when i started was like slightly

01:07:10.920 different yeah just had to go to war but now if you just go like this audience wants me to win

01:07:15.260 like this is a collaboration like we're gonna get through this totally it's gonna be a little

01:07:19.460 better experience yeah there was a bit in my friend's set that he's I watched him perform

01:07:24.400 it live and it was so funny and I don't want to say it because I don't want to ruin it because

01:07:27.260 he's gonna do it somewhere else soon but he he told me he's like that bit took me a while to

01:07:32.440 like get to a point yeah because there are topics in it that are hard to talk about sure and he was

01:07:37.080 like it took me a while to like mold it to a way that everybody's laughing yeah and he's like because

01:07:41.920 when i was first doing it it was just it was grown everyone was offended and upset and this is i

01:07:46.780 think also it's like this is gonna sound like old old head over here but it's like also like there's

01:07:51.100 no rush like to put something online and to be public about it yet like there's no way you're

01:07:56.760 good yet in the beginning there's no way how how could you be if you have one great set great but

01:08:01.360 like don't you're gonna make it like have faith in yourself that you're gonna make it wait six

01:08:06.160 months yeah just work on that thing six more months it's only gonna get better there's no

01:08:09.640 way it's gonna get worse yeah this whole like rush to like you know like feed this beast if I

01:08:13.780 gotta put something out like you can never make it too late as a comedian my biggest regret is that 0.99

01:08:17.780 I got seen too early before I was ready yeah and especially if you're a woman you're like a novelty

01:08:21.880 and people like in the business are gonna want to see you yeah but like don't let people see you 0.99

01:08:25.560 before you're ready and know who you are because then you're gonna get the opportunity that you

01:08:29.980 maybe don't necessarily want or will have outgrown in a couple years that's you know so like I did a

01:08:35.220 sitcom that was like based on who i was at the time yeah and i was changing so much as a person

01:08:39.520 two years later i'm like i don't even know who this character is anymore you know what i mean

01:08:42.320 but i'm like stuck in this thing i wish i had done this in like five years when i actually knew who

01:08:46.120 i was you're gonna have more longevity if you're not in a rush totally and he told me it took him

01:08:50.980 like six to eight months to like really perfect it that's awesome and he was like and i took my

01:08:55.740 time because i really wanted it to work but i was trusting that the audience was going to tell me

01:08:59.560 what wasn't working and what was yeah so he's like so i just adapted it like i edited it i

01:09:04.060 which also godspeed if you're starting to be a comedian right now at a time where everyone in

01:09:08.180 the audience is on drugs i mean everyone is on drugs i don't even know especially in la yeah

01:09:13.100 if you bomb on stage i think you're probably a brilliant comedian and everyone is just on

01:09:17.280 edibles and mushrooms like i do not know how to even start at this point because everyone is on

01:09:23.280 drugs i know and he's he's been in the game i think he's at eight years he's been doing it for

01:09:26.600 eight years so yeah i think we need to make weed illegal again this was a huge mistake it's gone

01:09:32.440 too far this is a nightmare we hardly got here am i wrong at what cost at what cost everyone's

01:09:39.780 one of those fentanyls in the water like it's just like a mess it is i i talked to animal

01:09:46.120 control recently because i had a raccoon in my yard that was like acting very weird and this is

01:09:50.700 so la i was like there's a raccoon in my tree it's acting weird she was like yeah that's where they

01:09:54.880 live oh okay i was like okay no it's i'm glad i called a professional i wasn't sure and i was

01:10:01.300 think it's acting very weird and she's like yeah because a lot of people in LA they are testing

01:10:04.880 their cocaine for fentanyl and if it tests positive they flush it down the toilet so there's

01:10:08.220 fentanyl in the water and the coyotes and the raccoons are acting really weird it's like sick

01:10:13.480 yeah and that lady Michelle Obama so the zombie apocalypse you're so worried about is here it's

01:10:20.420 just starting with raccoons and coyotes I got a gun so don't worry about it is that I never know

01:10:24.580 how to answer this question about advice for stand-ups but no it was wonderful advice you're

01:10:30.500 get on only fans make a sex tape like honestly do you want to be successful or respected i guess

01:10:35.500 you do have to figure that out in the beginning don't do anything too distracting that's you know 0.89

01:10:40.380 what i mean and i'm not saying like like neuter yourself or you know dress like your you know 0.65

01:10:45.460 rei lesbians over here yeah i'm saying you can my team my team yeah exactly you just don't have to 0.97

01:10:50.780 look like a fucking pirate on stage either because it's confusing i finally and what if it's what if 0.99

01:10:57.680 it's just theater then you're you turn it into like the theater you turn like the stand-up bit 0.99

01:11:02.940 you're dressed as a pirate okay yeah then you turn it into live theater they think they're

01:11:07.320 watching stand-up you start singing i would sue you if i signed up to go watch someone like speak

01:11:15.640 the truth you start doing interactive and then you started like doing jazz hands i would sue you

01:11:22.180 for emotional terrorism interactive theater but like i do think that that's one thing and then i

01:11:27.900 always feel like coming off like sexist when i say stuff like this when a girl comes off stage and

01:11:32.460 she did like well but should have done better she's like do you have any advice i'm like lose

01:11:36.080 the necklace lose the earrings it's just humans can't watch something also you have all these

01:11:41.260 lights on you and i like all i just it's very bright yeah totally that makes a lot of sense

01:11:45.520 that's why they wear very neutral things it's just like a small little thing that like no one

01:11:49.980 knows to tell people or that's actually good yeah it's like i made a lot of like wardrobe mistakes

01:11:55.280 like don't wear heels on stage you're going to be limited you're going to be worried about tea

01:11:59.120 and then everyone gets worried about you do you know what i mean so they're getting distracted

01:12:03.140 yes we're due for an earthquake in california no heels on stage but like it's like little

01:12:07.680 things like that yeah totally that i think make a really big difference and honestly i'm inclined

01:12:12.920 to believe you because you're alleged skip the trip to claire's before getting on stage

01:12:19.120 well thank you so much for coming on the show you're a legend i'm like i'm just a big fan

01:12:24.820 congratulations thank you so much i love this i appreciate you coming on the show and sharing 0.90

01:12:29.300 your wisdom with us um i hope that was helpful i feel like that was fucking boring as shit

01:12:33.480 it was very helpful it was helpful for me if you only helped you helped one of us also just like 0.84

01:12:38.860 work harder than anyone i'm dead serious yeah in comedy if you write two hours a day you're already

01:12:45.800 like an hour and 50 minutes ahead of the biggest comedian just like work really hard yeah that's

01:12:52.820 one thing that's cool about comedy is the amount of work you put into it you can actually get out

01:12:56.160 of it that's so but it takes a while yeah it takes a minute and if you're like unless you're

01:13:02.180 just unbelievably talented like you that's very nice i'm gonna receive that i can literally see

01:13:09.420 it really hard going down low the brain i know well i was told recently that when i'm self

01:13:14.680 deprecating i'm setting a bad example for who

01:13:18.360 i'm trying to not be like like disagree with you i'm a legend well period i said it thank you so

01:13:29.780 much for coming on the show where can everybody find you um sarah silverman.net um waiting

01:13:35.880 companies.com i'm about to do a big tour this year and then i'm forcing her to come on my podcast

01:13:40.600 and i will and i'll be there blackmailed you into it and we'll be calling your prom date

01:13:45.000 yeah i'm getting my family go please let my family go i did everything you asked

01:13:49.120 um and then wherever wherever i don't know google reddit there's some wild threads oh you and me 0.98

01:13:56.840 both they hate me on reddit they have my face on wanted posters all over that fucking website 0.95

01:14:00.520 oh they hate me over there girl but isn't that their thing yeah i think they hate both of us 0.98

01:14:04.960 what's the female reddit sephora.com honestly i don't know we have a reddit i don't think i guess

01:14:11.600 it's just in person yeah it's like the bathroom at the club oh yeah yeah it's like when you you

01:14:17.420 and your friend jump out of the group chat and start a new chat yeah yeah yeah oh god and then

01:14:21.140 you accidentally text the old chat about how annoying i've never done that before thank you

01:14:27.520 all so much for joining us on this episode of the comment section show make sure y'all go follow 0.88

01:14:31.160 whitney literally everywhere i know you all know who she is she's a fucking icon living legend so 0.53

01:14:35.680 thank you all for joining us on this episode don't forget new episodes of the comment section drop 0.80

01:14:39.540 every wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms but the video lives for free 0.53

01:14:43.740 and exclusively on our favorite episode spotify our favorite platform spotify she just had an

01:14:49.480 episode this is a mini one thank you all so much for joining us thank you to my amazing guest

01:14:55.720 whitney cummings and i'll see you next week bye

01:15:01.160 We'll be right back.

The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - February 28, 2024

DOOMSDAY PREPPING Ft. Whitney Cummings

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript