The Comment Section with Drew Afualo

00:00:00.000 do you think you would survive in a in like a apocalypse situation no no no i wear glasses

00:00:04.300 there's no survival it's not in the cards for glasses i'm an hour i kiss gab let's just hold

00:00:11.100 each other and wait for the dogs to eat us hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of

00:00:20.720 the comment section show starring me your fave everybody knows me who cares about me

00:00:24.760 on to the guests today we have the iconic the hilarious the unbelievably talented robbie

00:00:30.260 hoffman thank you welcome to the show um you know what i actually appreciate that you were nine

00:00:39.460 minutes late now because it fits your personality oh thank you for some reason if it was a dude if

00:00:44.680 i thought it was this guy drew which is what i thought this podcast was they said you're going

00:00:48.440 on a podcast with drew drew i assume i guess it's drew barrymore yes of course i don't know why my

00:00:54.360 first thing is to think drew was a man you should work on that right it's because i think the first

00:01:00.460 drew i knew was a boy in school whose name was drew he's very hot i never talked to him and what if

00:01:05.400 that's me then what what do you mean but if it was you yeah if you were the dude drew and you're late

00:01:10.800 i'm going this fucker thinks i have nothing better to do than wait for his ass on his shit because i

00:01:18.500 was telling him it's like showing up to somebody's house when they're not even there yet right it's

00:01:21.960 like twice i'm like in this empty i'm like whoa it's like an et feeling like you're in somebody's

00:01:26.980 house they're not even home yeah and they're like make yourself comfortable it's like i'm not

00:01:30.680 comfortable it's like crime scene can't touch anything yeah it's like you want to be in

00:01:34.220 somebody's house when they're in the house that's true this episode of the comment section is presented

00:01:38.580 by amazon this off to college season save on college save the every day college is a chaotic time

00:01:45.520 full of change but also the starting point of some pretty great experiences from stocking your dorm

00:01:50.660 with study snacks and cleaning supplies to stocking your closet with everything you need to slay those

00:01:55.180 theme parties with amazon's great deals and everyday low prices you can find comfort in the chaos shop

00:02:00.760 off to college at amazon save on college save the every day that is true my apologies for being late i

00:02:06.460 did no no now it checks out because you remind me of my little sister a little bit right and to her

00:02:11.800 time is

00:02:12.920 time's an idea it's a construct yeah yeah it's really what we make it i would say i think you

00:02:21.080 were well earlier before we started recording when you were running a 23 and me on on my ancestry right

00:02:26.320 and we were talking about that in depth i was going to add to that that someone people are notoriously

00:02:31.320 late for everything you know what that makes sense yeah i'm happy that i met you and it makes sense

00:02:38.560 all the pieces are are connected because if you listen to the first 10 i'm irate i mean they don't

00:02:42.960 know what to do with me and now that everything you have answers it's like oh orders restored yes

00:02:48.900 this this just checks out you show up with your mom your sister yes 97 people here and all lesbians

00:02:55.320 yeah most of them yeah most of them are gay it's terrible it's okay you said it's terrible

00:03:01.720 one of the worst things to happen

00:03:03.020 well i'm excited to have you here honored to have you as a part of the show thank you and i would love

00:03:10.720 to know how you got into say i'm a huge fan of your stand-up personally i knew you weren't a boy

00:03:15.940 that is imperative for you thank you i knew you weren't a boy that's fantastic you also have boy name

00:03:20.380 like me yes exactly exactly exactly no i do do stand up i'm happy you're a fan yeah um

00:03:28.580 when did i what was the question how i got into it yeah i would like to know how you got into it

00:03:35.160 um i just as soon as i heard about it yes i did it right so i just i don't know i kind of didn't

00:03:42.460 you know what it is once i saw a movie about rock climbing okay free solo with this guy alex honnold

00:03:48.420 he climbs the half dome in yosemite he climbs what's it called that he climbs el capitan the dikes

00:03:55.760 snow yeah okay so so so he climbs the south capitan now i never heard of climbing i didn't

00:04:01.720 know people who did rock climb like as nobody i knew climbed and you know i climbed trees and

00:04:08.860 things and buildings you know fire escapes when i was a kid but right but climbing as like an

00:04:13.780 activity we didn't have a climbing gym or anything like that right but that movie i heard of climbing

00:04:18.720 and i started climbing okay i started going to a climbing gym maybe a couple times a week and i

00:04:24.520 really just took to it i just never took to exercise really i never felt i never liked exercise

00:04:33.160 and um or a sport i was never good at athletics in high school i was always like stuck in an outfield

00:04:41.540 i couldn't see the ball if it's coming if it's not i had just my mid-up you know just praying like

00:04:49.020 something that gym class would be over soon you know and um that's the same with stand-up as soon

00:04:55.580 as i heard of it i kind of thought like oh i could i could do that or i should do that um i just told

00:05:02.120 my friends and they were like yeah like they didn't really know about it either and still supported you

00:05:07.600 though that's nice yeah they were like that actually sounds like a fit i was like you know

00:05:11.120 like yeah you're funny and let's do it and i just started doing it so i started discovering stand-up

00:05:16.400 as i started stand-up so okay love that was a very um i just became in love with it i was doing it i

00:05:23.120 was what you know i was like figuring out that like people who had shows were stand-ups like

00:05:28.060 yeah seinfeld had a show but he was a stand-up ellen had a show a daytime show but she was a stand-up

00:05:33.680 like all these famous people yeah you know and i was going back and watching their stand-up

00:05:40.160 and as i was starting it like i was doing it for like a year and then i'm like oh my god those people

00:05:48.000 do stand-up yeah and i also you know then i went back and i could watch chris rock for the first time

00:05:54.740 eddie murphy i was just enjoying falling in love with stand-up as i was doing it but i had no

00:06:00.100 preconceived notions i just went out as me and um thank god it worked out it worked out yeah i also

00:06:09.140 had no pressure with it because i had a great accounting job oh nice so i had a job where i

00:06:14.460 was getting paid every two weeks which was my priority right it was very uh it was my first job

00:06:20.460 that i had direct deposit and i really loved that yeah big and so yeah i was like let's say i do stand-up

00:06:27.660 which i didn't know about and it okay and i'll give it six months i get this great job that gave

00:06:33.960 me a laptop for keeps it's pretty easy and it's like i do i get paid every two weeks that's nice

00:06:40.060 so i was like and then it ended up going good that i left that job but what's your sign my sign yeah

00:06:46.860 i'm uh sagittarius okay do you know your big three gabby my wife would know this i know that i'm too

00:06:54.340 sagittarius okay moon and rising are the other two if that jogs any memories we could call her

00:07:00.000 it's up to you okay if you'd like to call her you're more than welcome to i got nothing better

00:07:06.300 to do she might be at her appointment maybe she'll pick up let me see

00:07:10.200 i love that she knows she loves all this stuff yeah me too

00:07:16.240 no she's in she's in her vitamin she's in her vitamin shot we'll call her after but yeah i know

00:07:27.320 i'm sagittarius sagittarius what um i know the other one i forget for the big three

00:07:35.320 moon what is eminem sign she said this no i'm not making this up i really have no is it taurus

00:07:44.240 or libra or something i can look it up let me see it's okay i think it's libra than the other one

00:07:49.220 okay so she told me my thing and she goes you have a touch of because they she did a thing and it puts

00:07:54.020 all the people that you are and one of them and i said you know what fine there's been worse

00:08:00.600 i i actually i like him quite a bit i i didn't consider that an insult at all that's true

00:08:06.520 that's a good one mine's beyonce like for someone that i know yeah a little bit better than yours but

00:08:11.960 yeah no it's a pretty good one it's not a competition but no i put them at the same level

00:08:16.620 i asked i think it goes beyonce eminent i think people that's that most people yeah it would fall

00:08:24.000 in that range i was asking what your sign was because i was curious if you cold plunge things like

00:08:28.540 that a lot you just take them on and just try them like comedy you just got into stand-up that's

00:08:33.140 it yeah i just decided to do it but again i never heard of it um and then but over the like over the

00:08:39.380 year i started realizing that like you know ellen was on every day those times so i was like

00:08:44.820 like i realized she's you know there was so many stand-ups rosie was a stand-up like

00:08:51.160 everyone comedically kind of started in stand-up so it didn't seem weird to me i was like oh it is a

00:08:57.400 like it seemed like a random thing stand-up but then it was like oh a real

00:09:00.820 kind of like thing like it was its own art but i never went to stand-up or knew really much about

00:09:07.560 it um i guess some of my brothers and sisters did my older sister i remember she when i she

00:09:12.640 always liked stand-up oh nice but um i'd never gone to a show or really known what the hell she

00:09:18.540 was doing just sounded like she yeah as soon as i was like old enough and i heard about it and like

00:09:23.700 i was like oh they're just up there taking telling jokes i don't know it just it just

00:09:29.460 resonated did you like attention as a child yeah i think i think i always have me too but it's not

00:09:36.300 even attention i just whether i like it or not i've always been big big yeah like energy wise yeah

00:09:42.420 i i relate to that yeah that's tea yeah i think you have to like attention to some extent to do this

00:09:48.400 like there's no way you could hate it and still do this i'd say right i i yeah and i think it's

00:09:53.540 different kinds of attention like i like the attention i guess but i think my my biggest

00:10:00.180 motive is like i like doing and just trying new things yeah i just like doing it like is the biggest

00:10:06.240 thing that's cool that's normally the hardest thing for people to do is to just try

00:10:11.040 sounds like no i know i haven't tried a lot of things i mean for exercise i've tried climbing

00:10:15.320 and and for creative you know i do writing and stand up and now acting but it's all been a slow

00:10:24.340 discovery yeah slow growth you know things i don't like doing i don't do you know i don't do

00:10:30.360 videos and stuff like that yeah that's fair but i know friends who make a tremendous amount of money

00:10:35.760 doing that and they're good at it and they like doing it i'm not learning to edit i don't care

00:10:40.680 i don't want to if somebody wants to you know some people find me through tiktok i'm not on tiktok

00:10:46.140 but if i liked doing that if i thought oh i have an idea for a little video and i want to do it i

00:10:51.020 would do it i just never liked doing that i only really do what i like that's honestly i respect it

00:10:56.540 which is amazing that i can make a living doing that because that's something i never even thought

00:11:00.640 of anything i'm doing as a job or as anything well if i'm circling back to climbing are you still

00:11:05.820 climbing no i stopped climbing maybe so i did climbing for about four years

00:11:10.600 now i'm out of exercise again i kept i think i'm i'm too i can't be falling off a wall or anything

00:11:18.040 and hurting like i i had this huge bruise on my ankle they called a contusion and then

00:11:23.440 i almost like snapped my like i'm not you're fragile because i'm very like into climbing but

00:11:29.120 i can't i'm i might not make the jump right like i'll do it and then i'm just like oh i'm in the

00:11:34.520 hospital you know so i actually like don't think all then yeah i i have to find something else i

00:11:41.520 do x i don't i do yeah what do you do i normally like weight lift more than i do have to really

00:11:47.340 do weights when i am exercising yeah it's it's weights i'm thinking of buying some weights for

00:11:53.000 home but i always feel like if i do that they're gonna sit there they're just to make you like i

00:11:58.840 already know it's a waste of money in the corner that i would look at every morning

00:12:02.140 like oh i don't use them there they are you know 90 down the drain because you're not gonna buy the

00:12:08.920 good ones too you know i'm gonna want like oh if i buy the nice ones i'm gonna use them i won't

00:12:14.500 that's real honestly i have a lot of i have workout equipment at home i don't i don't really right

00:12:21.340 honestly i feel like i need the responsibility of having to go otherwise i won't do it because i do

00:12:26.760 really think when people are like the gym is my therapy i think that's weird and a lie to be honest

00:12:31.940 i hate it but i hate it like when i've done it like gabby and i became members and we haven't used

00:12:35.760 it in a long time but we did the thing where we joined equinox like they're two for one or whatever

00:12:41.000 it was yeah and it was good for three four months i mean gabby came once with me i was doing my weight

00:12:48.380 regiments and a little bit of treadmill and she came for they have pilates classes oh but i just got

00:12:54.600 there okay and i'm still like doing my big stretches and she comes to me she was gonna do

00:12:57.980 pilates and i was gonna do weights and we would meet on the treadmills she comes to me two seconds in

00:13:02.560 she's like they don't have the machine i was like what machine and she was like for pilates they don't

00:13:07.000 have the reformer on i'm leaving i'm like well well what's the pilates class and she goes it's

00:13:11.720 pilates on the floor i'm not doing pilates on the floor yeah and i'm like but you're already here

00:13:15.820 like just do and she goes no i'm gonna get a smoothie and go home and like that was her like

00:13:23.560 if it's not exact like she won't so um oh damn did you go home early too no i did my thing i'm like

00:13:32.660 babe i'm here it's just insane i mean once i'm there it's a big commitment to get there but once

00:13:38.520 i'm there and i take a long time they're like i don't know how people are like in and out of the gym

00:13:42.900 like to me it's a three hour ordeal i have to make sure i have the right positioning right i give it a

00:13:48.680 minute then i go again then i give it a minute like i don't know how people are in and out yeah

00:13:53.760 then i'm showering then i'm doing their steam room or their song i like to dip in

00:13:58.560 like i just think for you it is a big commitment yeah that is true when i my fiance is like a certified

00:14:05.540 personal trainer too that's fantastic so like he does make my workouts for me but we never work out

00:14:10.820 together because i've found that the one time i was like well why don't you just train me and then

00:14:15.920 he tried to tell me what to do i was like well don't tell me what to do no no no no that's not

00:14:19.640 gonna work for me no no no are you freezing no i run really hot i'm frozen well you are a little

00:14:27.900 porcelain doll so i apologize about that would you like a jacket or a blanket or anything

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00:15:32.900 responsibly no yeah we might have a throw blanket around no no but it may be on those spooky porn sets

00:15:40.120 next door so yeah and i i don't want it somewhat like a dusty you know do you have like any specific

00:15:47.700 pet peeves no like things that irritate you really not specific a lot of things bother me ask me something

00:15:54.600 i'll tell you if i like it or not oh like anything specific i could tell you something of mine that's

00:15:58.380 yeah let me tell you that i don't like okay when people sneeze more than twice really annoys the fuck

00:16:03.120 out of me all right like after the second one i'm like you're done that's it you know what it brings me

00:16:07.680 back my uh best friend uh shanie she since kid when she sneezes it's eight like and it would be in class

00:16:16.580 and it would be so funny because i'm like well she's nothing you can do she's gonna be sneezing for

00:16:20.560 another two minutes and she doesn't when she sneezes right it's a lot in the road no that doesn't

00:16:26.600 bother me what's another thing hmm trying to think slow walkers terrible yeah hate them are you a fast

00:16:34.620 walker i am but you know what it depends if i want to walk slow i don't like somebody up my ass i'll

00:16:41.580 stop and let them pass i don't like to hear steps like okay so just pass me and then when i'm going

00:16:47.120 fast and there's like foot traffic like in new york in a in a density yeah i'm like come on guys

00:16:53.280 we're in new york one foot in front of the other let's go right so you know adapt based off where

00:16:58.380 you're at yeah whatever i want is what i want to be happening if i want to be walking slow that's what

00:17:03.140 i want if i want to be walking fast that's what i want to do yeah it seems like that's how you run

00:17:06.440 your whole life yeah yeah pretty much here she is oh perfect babe

00:17:13.100 yeller yeller one quick question what is my sign the full sign i need it for the podcast

00:17:20.500 um you're a sagittarius sun a sagittarius rising and a libra moon see i guessed it because the m&m okay

00:17:29.800 i love you thank you baby okay love you too bye you were right yeah yeah i love libras libras are

00:17:37.320 great but i'm a sag yeah you're a sag i'm saying libra moon is that what she said yeah yeah okay so

00:17:43.520 which if i'm sag sag libra what's the one that i'm like how do they differentiate the sun is like

00:17:49.180 is like who you are at your core i believe again this is my very loose interpretation of it moon is

00:17:54.280 like what rules your emotions and then rising is what you present and project to others so what other

00:17:59.280 people perceive about you so you're you're rising in your sun match which mean you're pretty obvious

00:18:03.940 sagittarius i would say and libras are very i think i forget the sign for libra i want to say it's a

00:18:10.100 scale but they're like i can't remember but they're like very even keeled like in emotion and stuff i don't

00:18:15.260 know that i'm even killed maybe emotionally yeah you seem like you are yeah i mean i'm a big person so

00:18:21.320 even killed but yeah i just you know what i'm very good at an emergency you're reliable it's small

00:18:28.140 things like i don't like to respond to an email or you know or like if somebody saw that i saw their

00:18:35.460 message or things like that bother me right but an emergency like gabby says like when we evacuated

00:18:41.240 for the fires like i was like okay like she was like woke me up she smelled she's like should we go

00:18:45.220 i go yeah she goes i can't believe you just got up you didn't you started packing the car like yeah i

00:18:51.180 think it's because i grew up so bad in an urgent emergency state all the time that i'm actually

00:18:57.300 comfortable fine we're moving again let's go it's the small things that um irritate you yeah that are

00:19:05.560 harder for me than the big like i already assume that something disastrous it's gonna happen at all

00:19:11.520 times you know so like calamity i'm like oh yeah this is inevitable like the house burning down of

00:19:17.480 course i'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner you know and it didn't burn down in the end but

00:19:22.400 it's like yeah i'm always surprised when it's not it doesn't end in climate you're staying ready at

00:19:27.920 all times yeah i'm kind of like well what are you gonna do we gotta go to vegas and then we got married

00:19:32.220 like well what are you gonna do you know would you think you would survive in a in like a apocalypse

00:19:38.680 situation no no no i wear glasses there's no survival it's not in the cards for glasses wearers

00:19:44.480 i'm an hour i kiss gab let's just hold each other and wait for the dogs to eat us i just

00:19:49.300 i have i have no um ability to camp or or even like desire to really i do want to go camping because

00:20:00.000 i i did it a couple times yeah but i haven't gotten it together to go and i don't have enough

00:20:06.120 of the skill set to do it you don't want to be forcibly camping no when somebody when i'm with

00:20:10.180 somebody ideally this is the camping i want to be invited to a camping trip somebody knows what to

00:20:17.300 do how to do it has the right gear and i'm around the fire telling jokes just enjoying you know maybe

00:20:24.800 somebody's playing music like that type of camping like just you know some broke back shit yeah we

00:20:30.380 just show up yeah and i love the broke back shit or just like the camping you know the broke back

00:20:35.160 is you know yeah i would take a lot we'll see where the wind takes us yeah yeah you don't want to

00:20:39.100 assume either way yeah i'm i'm with you on the apocalypse stuff i've said many times like i'm

00:20:44.100 i'm not i'm cool not living through that i'll just i mean we're pretty much in an apocalypse at this

00:20:51.000 point yes we are rapidly heading that way we're currently in it and it's getting worse i think

00:20:55.000 it's it's the kind of thing that you don't it is so normal like everything is normalized like we're

00:21:04.160 now living in times of like well what were it's like when you hear about the holocaust happening

00:21:09.780 years ago and i would ask my grandpa like what were you doing when all these people were dying and

00:21:15.580 he was you know selling meat and trying to make a meat business he was a butcher and you know yeah

00:21:20.680 and his life is just and now we're doing that we see what's going on in the middle east and it's like

00:21:25.380 what really are we doing yeah we can talk about it but we're still recording a pod we're still like

00:21:32.500 it's such a it's such a you know it feels very black mirror honestly exactly like everything is

00:21:38.880 just kind of like i don't think we can we think that the apocalypse is coming but i think we're in

00:21:45.460 apocalyptic times i agree with you it feels like uh have you watched the bear i have a little bit

00:21:52.000 okay well there's like this clock they have in there that's counting down to something in the most

00:21:56.060 recent season that's how it feels right now that's what i'm saying it feels like i'm watching that

00:22:00.180 clock and it's like well what am i gonna do not work i guess i gotta work because that's what i'm

00:22:04.000 saying it's like you know or if you have a family and you have to go feed your kids it's like well

00:22:09.180 this this mom's gotta go grocery like there's really we're at the mercy of like you know some

00:22:16.000 serious empires yeah it feels biblical and it also feels apocalyptic and it also feels like

00:22:22.440 powerless and it's just like i don't know and then yeah i i it's just and then ai that's it's like it

00:22:30.620 is very strange yeah so i think we're we are through the apocalypse and to our credit we are surviving

00:22:39.540 that is true that is true to our credit do you have a preferred ending like if the world was

00:22:45.400 god forbid uh apocalyptic i ending i would choose if i could have a choice i would choose planet of

00:22:51.520 the apes that's horrifying you think what is there a war with the apes i haven't seen they're gonna win

00:22:57.600 regardless and i just feel like they'd probably do a better job humans have done a real shit job i

00:23:01.880 think i would take mass co2 poisoning or something okay you know like like the whole world was uh you

00:23:09.140 know the whole world was stuck in a car that was in a garage turned on and everybody just went to

00:23:15.600 sleep that's okay you know what that's actually a pretty good one right it's you don't smell it

00:23:19.940 you have a small fatigue you go i'm looking at your sister the whole time it's like she's getting into

00:23:27.200 it she's like you have a small fatigue right that's it yeah no i don't want anything warlike i mean

00:23:35.200 we're in that like i can't imagine that's true i think i'm just leaning towards the monkeys because

00:23:39.700 i'm like someone do something are there enough monkeys for your thing in my in my head yes oh

00:23:44.800 in your head yeah yeah like i'm thinking they unionize the ones that are currently on earth

00:23:48.560 and then just kind of form a coalition i think how it will happen now will be

00:23:52.440 not only nuclear but biochemical more viruses that's true bio warfare is here it's yeah i saw i saw

00:24:01.780 meme ones that said like i hate when older people are like well back in my day i you know i was in

00:24:07.700 the vietnam war and i'm like okay well i'm gonna be in the next one and they have laser beams now so

00:24:12.080 it's actually a lot worse for me yeah and it's just it's just people are it's there's no guardrails on

00:24:18.000 the planet like these powers like i was thinking like this like when i realized there's no guardrails

00:24:22.880 like you know is like you know elon musk had like a 13th kid with some woman right and she thought

00:24:30.160 she was gonna get a payout like oh because she has this kid like he'll have to pay for the kid

00:24:35.060 but it's like who's enforcing him to pay child support no one like the government's his friend

00:24:38.840 like he was with trump like so it's actually like she could remain broke yeah and and the kid's father

00:24:45.800 is because he could just not pay he could be fined he'll never go to jail he'll never pay the fine

00:24:51.320 there's no enforcing yeah powerful people anymore there's no anything they all fascism yeah like to me

00:24:59.840 government feels like theatrics to distract like yeah like we're following that but really

00:25:05.960 you know they have to keep those that that play going yeah because actually they're all you know

00:25:14.340 it's the very rich against everyone else it's true yeah class warfare more than anything yeah and it's

00:25:20.120 been that and they've been exponentially increasing their power while decreasing ours yeah and we're sitting

00:25:26.800 here and that's it that's all you know um so i think we're doing the best we can to get through it

00:25:33.120 i agree like i think we are surviving a pot like people think it's going to be the bunker you might

00:25:38.680 never even get to the bunker no for real and i also think too that's another and i said this once

00:25:44.560 like a recession indicator to me is like how beautiful the art is that's been coming out lately yes

00:25:49.780 they like that's like when art thrives is when the world is tanking wait i was literally having this

00:25:54.620 conversation that i think we're about to enter like a renaissance type of period yeah i agree um

00:26:00.940 especially with the threat of of ai of people really just making and what they want to make

00:26:08.120 yeah because it's kind of like our last burst of we were here we're here absolutely this is the human

00:26:14.200 experience um it reminds me of um my stepmom passed due to cancer may she rest in peace but one of her

00:26:23.880 last days alive she had a burst of energy which is common yeah and she suddenly wanted to go walk

00:26:29.740 outside and do all the stuff and and then she died shortly it was kind of this last hurrah of energy and

00:26:38.620 we might be in that yeah well i mean at least it's beautiful are you guys gonna have kids you think you

00:26:44.700 and your fiance nope no that's the only it's been out like it's been off off my table for a long time

00:26:50.520 but yeah yeah we decided that we're the same yeah it's just not something we've ever personally

00:26:55.300 been interested in um like just for ourselves and then as a couple uh but then now even more so now

00:27:01.400 because i was talking about teachers recently and i was saying how selfless it is to be a teacher

00:27:06.960 especially now it always has been but especially now because of like you know the cuts to funding and

00:27:13.860 obviously ai chat gbt kids are ipad babies now like all of those things being factored i think

00:27:20.060 teachers are just on the front line right now like that's crazy and i feel for that yeah i don't even

00:27:25.920 think we need teachers and like we're making i don't know like teachers are doing child care yeah

00:27:34.520 mostly and i heard that teachers have like 30 to 35 kids now per class which is that a lot that

00:27:40.840 feels like a lot okay i have no clue by the way to teachers well well when i was in school it was

00:27:46.700 maybe like 25 max right now it's like 35 which is insane that's so many people to keep an eye on

00:27:53.020 it's it's a lot you know what it's a lot my mother had 10 kids oh so my class was like twice the size

00:28:00.300 of my family which seemed so this is your concept of a lot of children my concept of a lot is like

00:28:05.960 oh 35 is a lot just a third of my family but you know it would be a lot where are you in the 10

00:28:11.720 i'm seventh oh okay towards the end then one of the babies yeah how was it growing up with

00:28:17.420 nine siblings horrible um it was horrible because we were poor i think if we were like

00:28:25.980 sometimes we saw shows that had like a big house or they were like uh you know and and those stories

00:28:35.380 turned out way more now it's much better but um you know there was like 17 kids and counting that was

00:28:41.300 like oh yeah john and kate plus eight but they all had like houses that had like rooms and stuff we just

00:28:46.980 lived so tight and cramped and you know and didn't have that you know i think the poverty was the worst

00:28:54.600 thing but i think the family ended up being good but it was it was tough because we were all teenagers

00:29:02.960 that you know we're 10 and 12 years so at one point in my house it's like you know 10 11 12 13 14 15

00:29:08.760 you know my brothers are like teenagers wrestling you know just horrible fights and just um but that said

00:29:17.200 a bunch of us are very close now and we got through it together but it was yeah it felt horrible when i was a

00:29:24.440 kid but it also i have a lot of great memories so it's it's like anything there's there's great and

00:29:30.760 there's you know not so great where are you from uh i'm born in new york and i grew up in montreal

00:29:36.760 oh okay i started stand-up in toronto so i'm half canadian half american well i'm a dual i'm 100% both

00:29:43.800 yeah oh that's good that's cool every time someone says they're from canada i always reference my agent

00:29:48.440 alex who's from canada where are you from she's oh my sister lives in vancouver yeah vancouver is

00:29:55.200 beautiful every time i'm always like i know she's from canada yeah it's a very different part of

00:30:00.600 canada there's no black people or jews in vancouver very creepy place very quiet type of that's the

00:30:08.300 only city i've been to in canada oh okay don't you notice it's like very it's very clean it's very

00:30:13.960 clean yeah there's no like loud laughing no like that's true like in the movie there's no chatting

00:30:19.360 like i'm so used to like like gavin i are both chatters in the movie we sit in the back but like

00:30:24.040 there's no chatting like for real let's see yeah there's just no it's just yeah it's a very

00:30:30.520 i don't know strange it's like different energy yeah it's a different energy it's not as much

00:30:35.960 i think because toronto is the most diverse city i believe in the world if not north america will

00:30:42.820 you look up toronto toronto is the most diverse city and then i grew up super yeah like in it you

00:30:50.800 know ethnic neighborhoods where we were all beyond loud yeah you know in a fun way yeah but you know

00:30:58.380 what i mean that is tea though it is kind of quiet there i also notice everyone walks at like 30 miles

00:31:04.520 per hour i don't know why everyone walks so goddamn fast because it's a yoga it's a it's like lululemon's

00:31:09.560 invented there i'm not making this up isn't lululemon invented there yeah so they really they love

00:31:16.060 fast walking apparently and then also every restaurant the music was way too loud it's out of

00:31:21.960 control light was way too low i felt like i was squinting and yelling and every restaurant it's terrible

00:31:26.720 they gotta get it together but the chinese food there is amazing it was yeah it is amazing yeah

00:31:32.180 what um what did you hear about toronto what did you see there what did you find

00:31:37.460 toronto is widely recognized as one of the most multicultural and diverse cities in the world

00:31:42.400 well there you go yeah no it really is so i don't know so then when i go to can and montreal and

00:31:49.440 toronto five hours apart so it's like i always was on the east coast whether i was in the u.s

00:31:53.640 or i was in canada like it all has that like dense east coast vibe yeah and then when you go to

00:31:59.420 vancouver it's closer to like a portland or seattle which just a not even seattle more like a portland

00:32:07.020 that's a good point but it's stunning and beautiful and you can't beat the air and that's true it beats

00:32:14.300 the dump we live in here so this episode is brought to you by amazon prime so i'm deep in the scroll like

00:32:23.180 three hours in and suddenly i'm obsessed with diy candles next thing i know i've got a silicone mold

00:32:29.280 in my car essential oils on the way and all of it delivered to my door before i know it whatever

00:32:33.680 it is prime helps you get more out of whatever passions you're into or getting into head to

00:32:39.800 amazon.com slash prime and follow your obsession wherever it goes i went to denver last week for

00:32:45.220 work and i i've been to denver before but i'd never like walked around a lot and i couldn't believe

00:32:50.740 how quiet it was like denver has a weird energy like i can't breathe in denver oh me either i was

00:32:56.640 because again i'm like you i'm a big chatter so i love to talk yeah and i was just talking my i was

00:33:01.540 talking anyone's ear off who would listen to me yes and at one point i really felt like i was

00:33:06.600 huffing and puffing because i was talking in the air because it's at the altitude yeah no it's

00:33:11.260 unlivable denver everybody's in denver you you gotta move on gab's from from denver basically i mean

00:33:17.380 she's a military brat so she's from a lot of places but denver is mostly where you know she was a

00:33:22.380 denver bronco cheerleader for five years but we go there now to visit family and i'm like

00:33:27.060 i'm on that can i'm i mean it's it's it's unbreathable it is it's really bad and i know

00:33:35.860 that the airport is like haunted or something and there's like a devil there's like a devil

00:33:41.160 looking horse that's like it's like a big sculpture that's on the way to the airport

00:33:45.620 that you can see it's i think it's a bronco yeah i'm assuming i would assume but the eyes are

00:33:50.020 red and that creeps me out i know the energy is and i would be energy i honestly wouldn't be

00:33:54.160 surprised though if the land is cursed from like native people from colonization oh people did

00:33:59.300 leave a curse yeah yes yes because and it's also like i know there's meth heads everywhere but

00:34:06.380 they're the worst there are they yeah i always i didn't really see any meth heads i don't think oh

00:34:11.380 you know what the only time i went to denver and i was i was at a comedy festival there which

00:34:15.780 typically the lodging at festivals is the worst lodging you could have so i was lodged at a place

00:34:21.620 where there was no lobby you have to go to the window and i like behind bulletproof glass literally

00:34:28.620 so i'm like up there it's like one in the morning after my show a little old me they're like yeah

00:34:33.360 you'll be fine then i'm like no you really gotta let me in like you know so i just have staying

00:34:39.360 with gab and her family is obviously 10 times better oh that's nice where's your favorite place

00:34:43.980 and by the way i'll be in denver that's it your city's a dump i'm still coming

00:34:48.360 okay i'm there november and i'm in fort collins um i don't know if those are on sale yet but they

00:34:54.840 should be by the time this comes out yeah you're all i i do hate it there but i will be there i will

00:34:59.600 be there i don't and to be fair i don't like it most places that's true i don't even like i live in

00:35:04.520 los a people ask me what do you like prefer more new york or la they're both dumps there's nothing

00:35:09.440 you have to pick like you know there's good and bad like it's not great to live like the world

00:35:16.180 we're apocalyptic so just like where you're living just try and do the best you can what's your

00:35:22.560 favorite place to do stand-up in do you have a favorite place no i like it all yeah no do you

00:35:28.260 have like a place you don't really care to go anymore i don't like going so far from an airport

00:35:34.320 or where i have to take a connection okay i need you to have an international airport okay because

00:35:40.160 i'm already taking a risk with one flight now i need two now i need to risk two landings to get to

00:35:46.660 you right i'd rather limit my flights yeah all of my places have to do with the tech with with the

00:35:53.360 with the logistics right the logistics i mostly have logistical issues that makes sense yeah you seem

00:36:00.460 like you travel a lot for your pod just in general for work yeah i travel what do you do for work

00:36:04.880 uh mostly just telling men to suck my wiener on tiktok that's kind of my wait you have a wiener

00:36:09.560 no well i mean i guess it depends on who you ask wait what do you mean what my thing is mostly tiktok

00:36:17.960 like tiktok's where i blew up you do yeah yeah but that's where my shtick has been literally making

00:36:23.120 fun of men awful men specifically i love that yeah i've just been literally telling okay so you tell

00:36:29.060 them to suck your dick kind of like gi jane like suck my dick yeah that was a great scene

00:36:33.820 yes exactly okay and then it's turned into influencing mostly and then i started doing

00:36:39.140 this like i love it pot and everything yeah so you travel a lot yeah i don't you agree that

00:36:43.300 logistics is the biggest thing yeah it's huge i'm i'm an expert flyer now but i will say like you

00:36:49.880 the minute it's inconvenienced just a little i feel like my hair's on fucking fire because

00:36:54.960 traveling is already so terrible so when you're traveling gets fucked up it's awful

00:36:59.380 it's awful yeah i did a college talk at penn state earlier this year yeah and thank you and to get

00:37:07.140 there trains planes and automobiles it really took me forever i'm doing a gig like that this summer

00:37:13.020 and it's like i have to rent a car and i'm like like just i've been dreading this car rental more

00:37:20.660 than like having to go to the dog i'm like i gotta go to avis okay i gotta have an id i gotta figure out

00:37:29.420 there's a credit card there's this with the insurance like renting a car is just not a thing anymore

00:37:35.300 yeah it really isn't and when i went to that uh place it's bella fonte pennsylvania i believe

00:37:41.800 and uh i had to take like initially it was supposed to be two flights but i missed one of

00:37:47.100 them so then it was one flight get in a car drive for four hours and then get there to leave i had to

00:37:53.460 go to like this tiny ass airport it's scary but to even get there was a like a complete journey it felt

00:38:01.660 like a treasure hunt because ubers don't come that far out they don't go to the airport this is

00:38:06.240 what i'm saying it was a nightmare good money yeah really good money that's why i made it there

00:38:12.720 that's why we do it okay that's why we do it okay i'll see you in denver i know and flying is so like

00:38:18.300 do you like you don't like flying terrible it's terrible have you ever been on like a tour bus or

00:38:22.240 anything no when you're doing comedy no does that sound worse to you than flying it sounds scary

00:38:27.880 yeah it was honestly i did tour last year i toured last year and had a tour bus and only flew like i

00:38:34.120 think a couple times i was shocked at how much i loved the bus i i actually think i could love the

00:38:38.840 bus that's what i'm saying if it's yours here's the thing when i was starting in canada and i would

00:38:44.080 take the greyhound between montreal and toronto or ottawa or all the little cities that i would do

00:38:50.360 yeah i found the greyhound amazing because it's like so easy you get there 10 minutes before

00:38:55.580 yeah you get on you just hope you don't die that there's nobody crazy but as soon as you're on and

00:39:00.320 you're like okay everybody's settled in yeah you know um and i love the train the via rail

00:39:07.260 um the train here is so inaccessible i wish there was the amtrak was it's so rare that i get to take

00:39:15.020 the train but i love the train and here the train is so slow that it's like never worth it to go

00:39:19.500 in canada the via rail works really great though and i found that in england

00:39:23.820 their train is very expensive but works very good oh okay i i've only been to england once and i

00:39:29.600 i don't think i did oh no i did take the tube i think once not the tube the tube is the subway

00:39:34.140 i'm talking about like the like i went from like london to manchester oh okay yeah when you have to go

00:39:40.520 to another city if you have like dates in another city it's like a four-hour train ride and it's just

00:39:45.920 it's a great you're like on a virgin

00:39:47.720 train and it's a real train it's called virgin the company i don't mean like you know it's not

00:39:54.480 it has no not that not that kind of version yeah yeah no the bus seems good but the only bus i've

00:40:01.600 heard about really was gabby was on a bus for dancing with the stars tour yeah and there was

00:40:06.780 like 97 dudes on the bus that's awful so who did you have on your bus it was just my family and my

00:40:13.160 team that's amazing which is beautiful mom was there yep sister carrie was there my assistant who's

00:40:18.820 also here oh there she is okay gay and alex my agent she was there and then my dad my man my fiance

00:40:26.220 how many beds were there i think there was 12 yeah 12 and you could sleep like there's the bus ever

00:40:33.780 it felt like that kind of like they everyone me and my fiance were in the back on one bed and then

00:40:39.480 everyone had their own bunk everybody else had their own like bunk to sleep in but so it was kind

00:40:43.580 of hard i think in the beginning to adjust but after a while it felt soothing like the rocking

00:40:48.220 sometimes though it did feel disorienting like laying down in there and then waking up and you're

00:40:53.440 in a completely different place it was a little it felt like i kept passing out and waking up and the

00:40:57.500 bus driver you trust oh yeah his name was dan we tried everything we could to like bond with him

00:41:03.200 he didn't give a fuck about us which i kind of liked he's just like i'm here to keep you alive

00:41:07.920 and that's it like he i love that yeah you don't want him to getting into the party like he's he needs

00:41:12.780 his red bull his coffee like i just you know i want him there's coyotes that get sore you know he's

00:41:19.640 driving through the night and let's be alert let's get those headlights on yeah we would always be like

00:41:25.760 hey dan and he'd be like hey and then he would always close that little curtain like the one that

00:41:29.940 covers him and we're like dan's not fucking with us like that that's okay perfect he's a professional

00:41:34.080 yeah he's he's all business he's probably had to drive you know you're driving fucking i don't know

00:41:38.980 who so just get in shut up you know he was like that he's gotta be like dad yeah he's driven some

00:41:45.700 really famous people he was kind of telling us and then he was like yeah well that's all right all

00:41:51.300 right and he just closed the little curtain perfect and we'd be like dan what do you think and he

00:41:54.740 he just wouldn't respond no good shout out to dan and by the way you're here today yeah so he did

00:42:00.980 because of dan thank god some people just doing your job that's the best thing you can do that's

00:42:06.220 that's actually a really good point i i appreciate that like that's why i'm like i appreciate someone

00:42:10.260 who treats me like nothing other than just like this just another day i appreciate that for him that

00:42:15.040 this is his job yeah he's a great driver and he was did you like london do you like it over there

00:42:21.740 in the uk uh i do yeah it's cool yeah when i went last time i started some real beef with them and

00:42:29.080 over their food like over the food's terrible the british cuisine yeah the food it's awful it's

00:42:34.540 terrible the only good food is indian food there i agree and italian food's pretty good oh really

00:42:38.800 all you know but the indian is phenomenal there obviously yeah everything else is rubbish

00:42:47.300 just rubbish i agree i i really angered some of them too by just saying i it just wasn't really

00:42:55.540 my i wasn't fucking with it wasn't my vibe it's all so bland and i really did want like an english

00:43:01.020 a proper english breakfast like i really did want to try it because i it seemed like it just a bunch

00:43:05.500 of things and i'm cool with like a bunch of things on a plate beans and the it just tasted like ass all

00:43:12.200 of it tasted bad like it's like bad food and they all everything tastes the same which is bad exactly

00:43:18.240 and it's all the same colorish it's like it's amazing because they have such good indian food

00:43:23.300 which is indian food is amazing because i forget who said it but it was like you can you can understand

00:43:29.060 why they went to war for spices right for you know it was like these people could make a lentil

00:43:34.320 the most amazing dish you ever had you just spices so they're so close they can have an influence

00:43:40.520 into seasoning and stuff like that right you know and then next door they have france which is

00:43:46.040 incredible patisserie and yeah and baking and cheese and wine like it's just the pub like it's just you

00:43:56.420 don't even it's like it ain't it it really is but they have such in italy it's like you're in europe bro

00:44:04.220 you're so close like there's so much good cuisine right you're not isolated like if i went to

00:44:12.260 australia and the food was bad i would understand yeah yeah they're not near any they did what they

00:44:17.880 could with the kelp or whatever the fuck is there you know like like like if you're in australia and

00:44:24.220 you're like a shit you're like okay we'll use this we'll make this but it's like in london you're right

00:44:29.200 there it's also the birthplace of colonialism so like they did pill for a lot of fucking places

00:44:34.380 not one spice made it back that's crazy or it's like separate and the indians don't want anything

00:44:39.380 to do with them it's like don't taint our shit you know like yeah so it's like it's so weird so many

00:44:46.460 great cuisine countries around spain is there like even deutschland like you were saying earlier

00:44:54.340 i don't think the food is any better in deutschland i really don't know to be honest i don't know

00:45:00.020 no no i don't think the food in germany i believe you sausage okay yeah but even then yeah you know

00:45:09.200 what i like a moroccan sausage i like like a murget like like i like middle eastern food lebanese food

00:45:15.520 like if we're reaching fuck and i know they're far from that but it's like please please try something

00:45:23.000 there's not really good lebanese food here and there's not good ethiopian food here

00:45:26.880 there's little ethiopia and you have to go all the way there that's not like what i like about

00:45:31.820 toronto and what i was you know part of their diversity is like you could be anywhere and

00:45:36.580 sometimes there's an ethiopian restaurant and there's a lebanese restaurant it's like it's it's

00:45:40.840 not just in little ethiopia it's not just you know it's everybody is more like together and cultured

00:45:46.800 here it's like we have to trek when we want ethiopian we're gonna go there that is true even like it

00:45:52.560 when i was in london too where did i go also paris when i went to paris they had really great food

00:45:57.080 too but amazing but i did have five guys a couple times when i was in paris yeah yeah no because you

00:46:01.860 you crave normal cheese yeah yeah how much charcuterie could you have but if you're gonna go

00:46:06.640 and have charcuterie yeah you grab a baguette there the baguette is amazing it's not the hard

00:46:12.280 but when you're making that food and you're making it great it's good it's like england what do

00:46:16.080 they make potatoes like what are they and it's not even a full baked like it's not have you ever

00:46:22.900 seen those jacket potatoes jackie potatoes that they do what is it they like it's like they have

00:46:27.900 places where they cut them open like baked potato but they put a bunch of shit on it like they put

00:46:33.220 like mayonnaise i've seen like cheese i've seen like peas and beans and all that like they put it

00:46:38.620 just it's just baked potato mayonnaise when sour cream has been established i have no clue like you

00:46:43.640 it's so close that's just it's like it's it's just a little bit going out of their way to be bad

00:46:49.580 it's kind of like the prius like to me the prius is like they went out of their way to make it boring

00:46:56.040 inside like there's no reason can i tell you that great my first car i ever bought was a toyota prius

00:47:02.760 of course because it's a great car this is the thing as a car you can't beat toyota you can't as a car

00:47:11.740 they are fine why go out of you could pick any color to make the seat any like this is not it

00:47:18.760 doesn't affect the function of the car to make it at least not like you get in the car and you're

00:47:23.140 bored right right like that's how you're looking at cyber trucks too like yeah out of your way to be

00:47:28.440 bad also the screen on the prius is always it's like we get it it's i don't need it being a video

00:47:33.880 that's like constantly showing me the gas is going to the battery he's going like that is true

00:47:39.100 we don't even that that eye clutter is like yeah the prius has gone out of its way to make

00:47:45.180 itself bad inside like london is phenomenal and there's so many things close by like the mayonnaise

00:47:50.560 to sour cream it's an easy fix and it improves your baked potato by like a million percent order if you

00:47:59.120 said sour cream and chives okay here's a snack yeah now we're talking like it's just the mayonnaise

00:48:07.780 on the potato it's like i feel like they saw a picture of a baked potato and they didn't know it was

00:48:13.020 sour cream they thought it was mayonnaise and they've just passed down that generational trauma

00:48:16.860 that sounds awful i know it does sound awful every time i look at it i'm like oh god and you guys want

00:48:23.020 me to believe in you like some when i really talk shit like it's gotten to the point now where

00:48:27.400 anytime like someone sees tiktoks of british people making food that just looks downright

00:48:33.080 awful they'll tag me and be like how do you feel about this because i got so passionate about how

00:48:38.860 angry it made me it's offensive it is i i agree i was i just feel like they eat like they eat like

00:48:44.860 you still shit in the corner at parties like i know it's kind of like jews have awful like people

00:48:49.860 like to say like jewish food i think is terrible and i get in trouble for that but it's like well

00:48:54.820 there's certain things i like we nailed the bagels there's no question we nailed bagels and smoke meat

00:49:01.580 yeah okay beyond that okay the gefilte fish is like gefilte fish is scraps of fish it's from when jews

00:49:10.860 were doing terribly holocaust times when we couldn't shop that they would take scraps of fish from fish

00:49:17.900 stores that were thrown out and they would mash it all together kind of like the ends of the soaps

00:49:22.700 that they mash together like when you're poor and you have to take like the slivers of soap to make

00:49:27.040 one big soap again we do that with fish but now it's like jews have done pretty well like there's

00:49:34.020 no reason to still be eating that you know um they've done you know unless you're my family which

00:49:40.280 to be born jewish and poor felt doubly offensive because i'm like who is that even happening to anymore

00:49:45.540 like ma you was so close like it's just to me it's so insane like you know um but my mother went out

00:49:54.480 of her way like you know it it's just how did this happen to us you know but um have you ever had

00:50:01.740 samoan food i was just gonna ask so what is samoan food it i mean because i'll tell you if i've had it

00:50:07.600 i might not know what it is and maybe i have had it there's um i'm trying to think well like the

00:50:13.500 cuisine i would say i'm thinking pineapple i'm thinking seafood but maybe i'm totally wrong

00:50:18.860 yeah lots of seafood i would say pineapples more in hawaiian food okay we do use a lot of coconut

00:50:23.960 like coconut milk specifically we use in a lot of things but there's like things called palusami

00:50:28.560 fa'i there's like sapsui sapsui is like glass noodles with like meat and stuff delicious okay

00:50:34.700 where is there a samoan i'm gonna write this as there's a samoan restaurant here

00:50:37.960 not no well actually there is that one see it's like la has no excuse we're diverse so many there's

00:50:43.980 not even i agree there is one there is one place i can think of i think it's in i i want to say it's

00:50:50.360 in carson yeah where um i need to look up the name of it i think it's it's called like island

00:50:55.720 something but it is all samoan food and it's kind of like a plate lunch place kind of like panda

00:51:01.000 express like when you go and they like fill up a plate i know that's what i want but it's all

00:51:04.860 i'll look up the name of it okay i would love that because um they have good food yeah yeah

00:51:11.100 there's a couple um what's the the people that make that great ceviche it's uh peruvian food okay

00:51:19.620 i think i think it's peruvian but maybe it's not i know but you know what i'm thinking

00:51:24.900 are you thinking of a place specifically ceviche well ceviche is such a big dish now so it's hard

00:51:33.440 yeah i was thinking of a place oh you're thinking of a certain a specific restaurant yeah is it like

00:51:39.040 a franchise restaurant or is it like a standalone it's like a standalone it'll come to you if it's

00:51:43.760 called like rivkaz or something okay i love ceviche ceviche is yeah i know but and i think it was

00:51:49.640 peruvian ceviche i think it was like really chunky sea yum yeah you like seafood i love it i do love

00:51:56.460 seafood i love seafood yeah i think like and i like a lot of different kinds of food i know it's that's

00:52:02.860 becoming very clear to me i love that though well i grew up kosher yeah which was horrible and all i

00:52:08.200 wanted growing up was a nugget you know if i could get a chicken nugget like the non-kosher kids had

00:52:14.840 chicken nuggets all the kids in the neighborhood would after school they would get it a happy meal

00:52:18.620 in a little box and i'm like i want to be happy like i can't be happy um but i'm well my mother i'm

00:52:26.020 complaining my mother cooked every day i'm complaining look at me this woman made and she would make like

00:52:30.700 these vats of stew and what everything was kosher and um but i didn't get a lot of different i had

00:52:36.720 a very meat and potatoes kind of you know we had a very no frills childhood my mother was going to feed

00:52:41.340 us shelter us and educate us that was like really it yeah but i would get home and see this huge vat

00:52:48.380 of stew and i knew that was like dinner for like six nights like until that crock pot is fucking empty

00:52:54.540 this is my whole life and by day four of it's like the the carrot is like i'm like so i don't know

00:53:04.100 it's surprising that i do like lots of foods but when i became not kosher i don't know i just like

00:53:10.740 people like oh let's say i never said no i'm like yeah i would eat that like there's almost nothing i

00:53:14.760 don't eat even if i don't like something yeah you'll still try it yeah i eat it you'll always try

00:53:19.900 are you more a sweet savory kind of person i kind of like it all i just like i like diversity

00:53:25.740 and food i like having a lot that's why i'm like is there some more food because i don't know if i've

00:53:29.080 had it yeah there there is and there's uh it i would say it's mostly like the genesis of it is real

00:53:35.340 like rice and meat like that's mostly it yeah but there's like very specific ways we marinate meat

00:53:40.660 and stuff like that yeah no no because rice and meat can go a lot of different ways that's what i'm

00:53:44.640 saying yeah but the glass noodles was reminding me of filipino food yeah there actually there is a

00:53:49.320 filipino dish that is very similar to that i had such great filipino food at this comedy show that

00:53:56.060 i did this filipino um comedian cj runs the show um and i don't know what the restaurant's called but

00:54:04.020 every time he asked me to do the show i say yes because we get um a plate of food you being motivated

00:54:10.020 by really good cuisine yeah because i never remember the place i never look up but i know like okay if i ever

00:54:14.960 do the show at this restaurant i get to eat the restaurant i don't know the name they don't

00:54:19.300 remember it no but as soon as i pull up i'm like oh that's why i love that show yeah i do have some

00:54:26.380 fun facts about you oh hit me if you would like to hear them oh god we shall see if you find them

00:54:31.420 very fun right literally uh it says in 2020 you dressed as cult leader keith rainier for halloween

00:54:38.460 and it says guy from the nexium cult that they made a hulu documentary oh yeah i did a great there's

00:54:44.280 a picture of you how good is that costume yeah it's honestly is it not uncanny it is uncanny yeah

00:54:50.460 is that not uncanny i bet i hope you guys put a picture up for everybody to see because that was

00:54:55.340 in lockdown right right october 2020 and i had uh flown to toronto and because we had a brief

00:55:04.360 period was open and then as soon as i landed in toronto it was closed and we weren't i was my

00:55:11.940 friend natalie shout out to natalie she put me in one of her parents had a unit that like was the

00:55:18.800 scariest unit but we had to be isolated for two weeks and she would like drop off food for me like

00:55:24.880 it was such lockdown you can't imagine yeah and i was like losing my mind it was halloween

00:55:30.120 when we got out like you couldn't go out in the streets but you could bubble again

00:55:35.160 so i bubbled with natalie and we were doing halloween just in her apartment

00:55:39.620 and i had that and she somebody told me i'd look like this pedophile no this is the people i get told

00:55:46.620 i look like like gabby gets to be told she looks like sofia vergara jennifer cool it's like i am

00:55:52.140 literally told that i look like this pedophile this very specific pedophile so help me god i put a

00:55:57.940 little mascara on my face i'm like it's uncanny i'm like it's actually uncanny they kind of got me

00:56:04.520 like you know i'm like why do we have the same hair right yeah the picture the more i look at the

00:56:10.420 picture the more alike it does look i will say yeah so i look i threw that up there yeah it's a little

00:56:16.760 unsettling do you like halloween uh i kind of low-key every gift i every gift every present i every

00:56:24.500 present now gift i think every costume that i put on has been free but they've been very good

00:56:33.940 like this one this i had everything it was my sweatband and my t-shirt inside out and i've never

00:56:40.280 seen the two of you in the same room exactly okay my other costumes i've had i did yentl okay also is

00:56:47.980 she me am i her like i guess i'm good with like a cheap good costume that i don't need like you

00:56:55.600 know i won't like yeah like i just put on something i have do you like a lot of these kinds of like

00:57:02.880 documentaries like the cult ones do you like watching i love i'm a documentary person i love

00:57:08.020 documentaries i know i know i just recently watched the cruise ship one about same where okay what do you

00:57:14.000 think with amy bradley okay i honest to god i really do think that she's dead i think that she

00:57:18.460 was no chance i think she was trafficked and then killed i really don't know i really don't think

00:57:22.860 she's alive because if she was trafficked they don't live very long obviously when they're trafficked

00:57:26.340 yeah like women so i'm just i'm thinking that's what it is however what do you mean because you

00:57:30.940 think she died of an std std or something no like being killed because men are awful you know

00:57:35.620 what i mean like i'm just not putting my faith in men yeah but they don't kill their cash cows

00:57:39.480 that's true but if she ages out then what do they do they don't age out these perverts say

00:57:44.300 like every age i mean like pimps like when they're like you know they want women of a certain age

00:57:49.040 sometimes but a lot want well now you're convincing me i'm just telling you here's what happened

00:57:54.700 and i have no yeah i'd love to know what you think and i have and i have no back i have no sources right

00:58:00.220 she was trafficked she had kids because of course they're not using protection yeah

00:58:07.840 and they threaten her constantly like they do for hundreds of people we hear about her because

00:58:13.140 she's white and she's from america right so it gives us a glimpse into what's going on but they

00:58:17.180 have hundreds of local girls like this you know hundreds of girls all over you know yeah we've

00:58:22.140 been trafficking girls even when we do it in america when you hear about epstein a lot of the

00:58:25.400 poor white girls in florida and those areas you know what i mean um obviously they're poor white

00:58:30.600 girls and their families don't care about them so we're not looking for them but an amy radley had like

00:58:34.220 kind of a well-to-do family they're obviously doing and they kept bugging people about it yeah

00:58:37.720 so it gives us a glimpse but i think that she was trafficked has kids and has no can't you know

00:58:45.420 doesn't want to reach out and i'm sure she's traumatized too like she's traumatized but also

00:58:51.180 it's like if she reaches out they could be killed yeah that is and you know it's all viable theory and

00:58:57.320 she's been living this life for 30 years now that how does she return right and um i think it's just

00:59:04.940 too much and too embarrassing and too she and she's a different person that's true that's a that's

00:59:12.640 a very viable theory i think but it's also possible she died and the brother is i'm so dumb i can't with

00:59:19.820 him i i really was blown away by the just the like yeah i don't know just she's gone like with the

00:59:28.780 cruise people like i found it so shocking oh yeah that cruise dude is involved yeah what a prick i

00:59:34.160 literally was like hey fuck that guy that guy sucks but the way that they were just like well i mean

00:59:38.780 we're not going to ruin the cruise for other people huh you're talking about someone going missing

00:59:42.940 no and it's like a full-grown adult person it's not like you know what i'm saying i just found that so

00:59:48.240 that they were like disgusting that man who was in the guitar he definitely all the sightings were real

00:59:54.580 you don't have just three normal sightings that's what i'm saying you know like she was obviously

00:59:59.560 alive um i don't think she she went over i don't think so either but i do think the brother a him

01:00:08.800 my bro him not walking back with her to the hotel i don't even care if she came in thing but i am sorry

01:00:16.600 i am my brother's keeper even my brothers they played uh football after school just in the park

01:00:23.260 with friends and i would be sitting there watching all those school bags until we could go home but

01:00:27.200 i didn't walk home myself you're watching my brother's like you have to watch yeah we'll be

01:00:31.580 done in an hour i'm sitting there i'm like it's getting cold like you're gonna go home you're on

01:00:36.060 bag duty yeah but like i feel the same way though like i'm i'm a very like when we leave together

01:00:42.020 we come home together i'm that's it that is especially if she's dancing with one of the

01:00:47.900 crew members i know i think the same thing even when i went when i would go out in college and

01:00:52.480 stuff i was very much so the sheepdog of my friend group like i was running around everyone to corral

01:00:57.440 them and make sure we all stay in the same general area to keep everybody safe especially young women

01:01:02.220 the whole family drinking to the extent that they drank and also them being homophobic i thought the

01:01:08.980 same when they when they when i found out they were homophobic i thought to myself i'm rooting

01:01:12.940 for you a little less yeah it's a bummer don't make me root against you i was been i've been on

01:01:17.960 your side but that part also the fact that they were so shocked and like you see all the old videos

01:01:24.760 and stuff she had this is a dyke sorry no but i'm like what do you need a flag

01:01:30.740 she had an undercut no people are shocked like katie lang is gay hello she had a lineup like on the

01:01:38.180 back of her neck i was like well in the 90s that's a pretty bold statement i would say no

01:01:43.320 obviously and it is you know but um yeah i don't think she would have uh killed herself over that

01:01:49.580 i just don't i don't think so either yeah especially if she was going to go off and live her own life

01:01:53.860 and she had girlfriends yeah she was doing good oh yeah absolutely but i love that you love

01:01:58.720 documentaries so do i i went through a real phase with cult ones too yeah did you watch i think it was

01:02:04.840 called la luce del mundo del mundo i actually haven't seen that one that one's on hbo that

01:02:10.000 one's crazy it's like the keep sweet pray and obey one yes it's like that on like steroids it's like

01:02:16.780 way way way worse is it the one that river phoenix was in and walking no i don't think so i don't think

01:02:22.400 they made a documentary but that cult that they were born into sounded really whacked out interesting

01:02:27.000 i didn't i didn't even know that i didn't even know they were in a cult yeah i think they were in

01:02:30.580 the type of cult where they share a bed with their mother and oh in really gross ways that's

01:02:37.220 crazy that's what i heard and i don't want to maybe i'm wrong about that okay river rest in peace but

01:02:42.120 joaquin i don't know i'm just saying i don't know i don't know i don't want to speak on your behalf

01:02:47.340 let's go back to some fun facts okay go ahead i'm easily derailed i can know it's okay you're

01:02:52.560 chatting i'm chatting and i love another chatty because i'm like i love a chat yeah i love a chat

01:02:56.620 uh this is you got your first script deal by pretending to be a courier sent to deliver a

01:03:02.520 script to the president of hbo yes it wasn't it wasn't a script deal it was an option deal which

01:03:07.580 is their option to sell it for a deal i got like a thousand dollars for it but basically i would just

01:03:13.000 print my script that worked for free um and they had all good supplies at work because i was i was a

01:03:19.940 an accountant well they gave you the free laptop they have free laptop yeah full full supply room i'm

01:03:26.100 talking highlighters pads different types envelopes stapler stapler you know just just like all the

01:03:33.680 good stuff right so i printed it and i just looked up like who makes two because again i knew nothing

01:03:39.480 about stand this is like before i'd seen much i haven't even gone down like the dive i was like oh

01:03:45.560 people who had shows uh were stand-ups and they wrote so i should have a show like this is all my math

01:03:53.140 i honestly envy it i think you got a great mindset thank you i was like i could just i could just do

01:03:58.760 it yeah and i had stories so i wrote it i printed it i put it in envelopes and i just like went to

01:04:05.160 these offices i had no you know i just said oh the president asked you know to read it and they

01:04:11.140 would be like there's no president like i'm just a courier i don't know so you're gonna and so they

01:04:14.880 would i guess get it to the office in some way and i guess um you know whoever was tasked with

01:04:20.520 reading you know one of my uh my thing got some recognition to the point of getting an option

01:04:27.140 you're literally a genius yeah which didn't go anywhere but what it did get me was representation

01:04:31.600 like actually into the business a little bit absolutely especially if you're just pretending

01:04:35.940 to be your own delivery person yeah i'm just like well i don't know whoever runs you know i had i

01:04:40.240 didn't look into the company i literally just looked up like i googled the address like

01:04:43.600 i didn't know you know anything more than the building that it was in like i would

01:04:49.340 i'm talking to the security desk i think you're my hero dude yeah i really do

01:04:54.580 i just really i genuinely admire that you're just like what am i like it's fucking hard

01:05:00.980 just fucking walk in there no i thought it was in i i didn't think it was but i was like

01:05:05.360 how else do you mail these places like there's no way to like mail it like i was just thinking

01:05:11.660 logistically right so it's in the envelope i just bring it there no that you're literally

01:05:18.100 that's why i said you're a genius like i'd never thought about something like that yeah

01:05:22.180 and then um yeah and now you know a million terrible people with you don't have it save

01:05:27.660 yourself some time very true that's actually very good advice please take that yeah honestly

01:05:34.480 save your life save yourself some time i think that whenever uh people have critiques

01:05:40.080 about comics like long-standing comics in the sense of saying like they're not funny

01:05:44.100 i'm always like well i mean i think i'm kind of funny no exactly there's a little bit of

01:05:50.060 there's a little bit of validity to it no exactly but in this case it's like you guys didn't think

01:05:54.320 if you're thinking of it because you heard it from me you didn't think of it so you already

01:05:57.760 don't have it that's true you know what i mean it's already you're starting on original

01:06:01.960 yeah so then just out the gate so don't worry about it yeah just stop there yeah i talked to

01:06:09.360 uh one of my other friends who's a stand-up and he was saying like i just like this was the only

01:06:14.760 job that was gonna work for me right i was like right like i i it was either this or like i don't

01:06:20.720 even know probably i'm the leader of a cult to be honest like yeah i would i would join that cult

01:06:25.040 we're always in the mood i'm in the mood for a couple like a year or two

01:06:27.980 yeah you think just like a summer fling with a cult yeah like i'd like to like go to an island

01:06:32.320 or something do you know what i mean and he's just living it's like camp yeah summer camp yeah

01:06:38.300 you know and you have like a very particular job i'm in charge of this corn or whatever i make you

01:06:44.520 know and and that's all you have to do it's a kind of a simplicity like you're such a strict

01:06:49.840 name tags yeah like that's really it that's all we need and then you're chilling and i like the

01:06:54.680 sex cults don't like the wild wild country i'm like actually sound like a good time

01:06:58.140 like till it got bad yeah like the first two years of a cult always sounds a little bit good

01:07:02.560 and then it goes out but the first two years if you can get out if you could set your alarm two years

01:07:06.140 okay get out you might actually have a good time for a year or two i said once on caleb's show that

01:07:14.160 i don't think i could ever be inducted into a cult only because i refuse to suspend this belief

01:07:20.520 in any way shape or form right so like when the minute someone tells me what to do i and i don't

01:07:26.540 want to do it i'm like i'm leaving no exactly you have to be the leader like you can't be hypnotized

01:07:31.400 exactly like because i'm like what if i don't want to like what if it doesn't work it's not gonna work

01:07:35.380 i'm thinking i'm thinking my eyes are closed okay i'm still thinking you know i'm just like i can't

01:07:40.420 get yeah because i've been church camp a couple times yeah and in church camp i i really did feel

01:07:46.700 i felt performative in some regards because i was like i i just feel like i'm copying what

01:07:51.820 everybody else is doing oh 100 i went to uh a jewish camp which was very fun except but the summer kind

01:07:59.600 and um for any elderly jews listening to the program and we had to fast um on to be shva

01:08:12.080 uh uh uh tisha bav and or to be shva i can't remember which one it was now tisha bav i think

01:08:21.560 and you had to fast but the only reason i fasted you didn't have to fast but if you were fasting

01:08:28.200 you got to watch movies in the rec room all day

01:08:30.820 so there i am giving up food to watch movies and you got to go to the break fast which was like a

01:08:38.380 huge meal oh nice you know so i was like but it took everything out of me but it was like

01:08:43.520 it was just worth it you know because to get out of a day of activities right you're just sitting in

01:08:49.660 a sleep bag watching movies i'm like oh let's go yeah that does sound a lot better i feel like

01:08:55.340 even when i said it on caleb's like obviously i was joking around but i was being kind of serious but

01:09:00.300 i said i just feel like i'm too smart like of course if some like small white guy like tells me

01:09:06.400 he's the messiah like i don't believe you no exactly i don't believe you no exactly none of

01:09:11.300 them like it's the thing is and i went through a theological quest most recently i mean i read

01:09:16.820 my mother is you know has taken jesus into her heart she considers herself a juice for jesus

01:09:22.900 now um so i wanted to read the new testament because i had only read the old testament and

01:09:27.900 then i wanted to read the quran because these are the three most influential books basically on

01:09:33.880 the planet yeah yeah and all of them i'm reading and it's exactly as you say it's like first of all

01:09:39.660 all of them say this is the truth this is the truth and this is proof none of it is like i feel like we

01:09:44.400 don't even know what proof is like i'm like no it's not proof right okay just because it's been recalled

01:09:50.980 person to person for hundreds of years that's not proof to me right there isn't any definite

01:09:55.660 proof proof right and the narratives are so specific that i'm like okay i can understand there's

01:10:01.600 something greater right we don't know about okay we're part of something larger but to tell me

01:10:06.540 this guy's brother was his nephews of god of this and then the bro this is too much it's too detailed

01:10:14.740 a story it's so we need to like end on a general yeah okay i can because you asked me to believe like

01:10:22.780 the particularities of he lived you know and this it's like okay like and maybe you know i i yeah so

01:10:30.780 it's tough i but i have a general belief me too of something and and not much more that said i still

01:10:37.260 like you know i liked reading everything to know where all these ideas but there's no women involved

01:10:42.880 there's no right um and i think those books suited those times and and great and um i think that's

01:10:50.820 fine i think that's fair i feel pretty agnostic honestly i do believe in like i believe more so i think

01:10:57.080 in energy i believe in karma yeah i believe in like i feel more spiritual than i do yeah i feel

01:11:03.180 more spiritual too and i i think there's to me god encompasses all that like i don't know if god is

01:11:08.880 one thing or it's just energies or it's just an all or the universe yeah um i think there's i believe

01:11:16.060 more monotheistically than plural i think we are part of one even if it's huge like the universe

01:11:24.680 i think that's all like kind of you know we're in one but i don't but i don't know i i just

01:11:29.600 my best answer i could say is i don't know same when people say i know i go really

01:11:35.780 like you could say i believe but i'm like you know i think that too i i feel very like i could go

01:11:42.740 either way that's why i thought being agnostic makes the most sense i would be lying if i said

01:11:47.160 i knew right i agree with you i think the same thing too i also like i had this talk with one

01:11:51.840 of my friends the other day and i was saying like what if like if we were just to use the bible for

01:11:56.600 example like new and old testament whichever suits your fancy like what if the real test like if there

01:12:02.540 is a god yeah what if the real test is how you choose to interpret slash implement that in your

01:12:08.940 life like what if that is the test like right the test is not when you get up there it's that

01:12:12.960 and it's not like it's one way or the other it's how you live and walk in it in your life yeah and

01:12:18.500 maybe that is the test it's like really up to interpretation yeah because i mean yeah they made

01:12:23.440 it up to by the way whether it's up to or not we're interpreting it yeah because by the way there's

01:12:27.820 a lot of there's a lot of questions i agree like and you're not still talking to us right

01:12:32.860 i agree you know there hasn't been a new bible suddenly bible stopped

01:12:36.600 two editions why can't somebody write one in 2004

01:12:41.000 like now so it's like it had to come but it hasn't been a new

01:12:46.560 new testament not to account for all the new shit yeah there was nothing about ai in that bible so

01:12:53.180 no but some people do claim that they're they're you know there was really yeah people stretch that

01:12:58.280 like oh this person hinted at this and they said it would be in a land of this so this it's like it's

01:13:03.360 all you have to believe a very specific web of narrative and you have to accept each piece and

01:13:12.300 it's asking too much and honestly if i get there and there's a god and he goes why you know but

01:13:16.700 honestly i had doubts i apologize i did the best i could honestly i didn't the signs weren't loud

01:13:22.400 enough to me i know it seems crazy now that you're pointing out these signs i didn't i didn't believe

01:13:27.420 them i have to tell you i also like isn't that kind of on you like make them bigger make them

01:13:31.720 louder literally talk to me just call me up come in the bath i don't care you're always available

01:13:38.520 whenever yeah because i told my mother this with jesus i said ma i am ready to be i would love to be

01:13:43.760 saved nobody wants to be saved more than me i'm he can come to me at any point at any jesus i am

01:13:51.500 available come talk i don't i'd love i'd love to be saved like why is he he's talked to my mother

01:13:59.720 i said ma the dude hasn't approached me yeah just call me up he does not talk to me i love that he's

01:14:06.280 come to you he's helped you he's zero i don't think he likes me i know yeah i've and maybe that's

01:14:12.980 our cross to bear honestly maybe that's maybe that's what's in the stars but i'm a jesus if you're

01:14:17.900 listening to this podcast and you should be it's a it's a very good conversation um i'm available

01:14:23.120 yeah i'm open i might have some i might have some openings next week let me know

01:14:28.120 literally back to our our fun facts about you uh it says you used to be a writer for a children's

01:14:35.200 show called the odd squad that's correct about an organization run by kids who solve problems using

01:14:39.740 math skills and you won an emmy for writing the show that's correct and how was it writing on a

01:14:44.680 kids show it was wonderful um it's where i started writing so that's the job that i got after i wrote

01:14:49.340 my thing it got me to be your courier yeah it got me representation and my goal at that point was to

01:14:55.940 leave my accounting job but for something stable i wasn't going to leave for like a three-week job

01:14:59.360 or whatever so when they called me said well we have a job it's more stable it's at least six months

01:15:05.180 which felt good to me at the time to have like you know my sisters always said like have six months

01:15:11.420 or three months emergency fund yeah right yeah so at the time i was thinking that was good um

01:15:17.580 the six month starting contract but it's kids it's live action it's pbs and i said i don't you know

01:15:24.940 what i never got to go to film school or anything i'll take it and i was never in a writer's room i was

01:15:30.300 never anything so i started as a writer's assistant and i ended up you know they ended up promoting me

01:15:35.000 it every way i became a writer on the show um and even though we didn't do sex or profanity we still

01:15:42.600 told stories yeah with characters and i learned how to write a script we did 80 scripts a a season

01:15:48.860 80 11 minutes and it's like i learned how to trim how to become a writer and i learned i was on set

01:15:55.760 and i learned how to deal with art department and everything and they promoted me and became a writer

01:16:00.700 and it was really my film school ended up being there for three and a half years um and it really

01:16:05.820 was my film school that is really cool though like that's like in the field experience that's what i'm

01:16:11.060 saying it's like i never you know when i went to school for accounting it's because i got into school

01:16:14.760 and i couldn't have i was like well i had what's the least amount of school i could do for the most

01:16:18.360 amount of payoff and they said if you go into accounting they can give you a job this summer

01:16:22.620 so i was like oh my god and they were like and and that company gave me a laptop which i had

01:16:29.620 been doing university without a laptop which most a lot of people did have a laptop but i was like

01:16:35.860 and i was probably gonna try and buy one at some point but i'm like oh my god hired like i was so

01:16:41.220 grateful to the i'm like this is the best decision you ever made i don't know what's going on with

01:16:45.500 accounting but i'm gonna try and figure it out the three years that i worked as the the accounting

01:16:50.580 firm shout out to kpmg i really had no clue what i was doing and i would constantly call my friends

01:16:55.400 i'd be like i truly don't understand what i have to do today at work like i would just i couldn't

01:17:02.060 imagine that was your accountant you're like yeah no literally it out though one day at a time

01:17:07.480 well thank god i was a junior and they have a lot of like train like they know that you don't really

01:17:12.160 know what you're doing for a while but i really like felt like i don't like i would go to my boss

01:17:18.340 i'd be like i have nothing done like this is what i think like and they would just have to do

01:17:23.440 i don't know what this is that like literally i remember calling my friend who was at another

01:17:29.760 accounting firm because we all got these jobs out of school from that program and i was like do you

01:17:34.500 know what you're doing like i feel like i just pretend all day long like we're not creating anything

01:17:41.000 we're not writing anything we're not enforcing the law we're not like the police like we're not the fire

01:17:47.140 department like we literally shuffle or explain things like i just i was losing my mind at what

01:17:54.620 we were even doing and you still don't know what it was no but except that i was paid every two weeks

01:18:00.340 i appreciate the supplies and it was a great job when i was in college one of the first jobs i had was

01:18:06.900 like an assistant to like a media relations person for sports so like i was just a secretary more than

01:18:13.540 anything but like i did lie significantly on my resume about things i could do of course um and

01:18:20.000 so those were the only jobs he gave me and i every day i was like it's anyone's guess

01:18:26.340 it's anyone's so scary it's such a scary position to be in i remember those positions it's like yeah i

01:18:32.420 can and i was also getting paid well too for the time because i had no money so like yeah no it's all

01:18:37.260 about the money it really is and sometimes like one of the things i lied about was knowing how to

01:18:43.380 like you know when you say i'm proficient in adobe suite yeah i thought that just meant i generally

01:18:49.480 know about adobe programs i didn't know that meant i was masked i mastered all of them and there are

01:18:54.660 way more than i thought i thought it was just photoshop at the time i thought it was pdf you're

01:18:59.780 and i'm like i can open a pdf i can convert a document to a pdf photoshop and adobe pdf that

01:19:06.500 was all i really knew but there is one in there called in design which like to this day i still

01:19:11.340 don't fucking know maybe magazines i think is what i have no clue but it's like very specific programming

01:19:16.220 to lay out stuff and he would ask me to like make like record books like for the university like

01:19:22.900 these are things that are important and he was like need you to type all of these records and put

01:19:27.660 them in in design girl it's anyone's guess what did you tell him like you were in a very scary

01:19:32.700 i just said okay and then i was literally just like pressing buttons and hoping it worked out

01:19:37.420 and then like i did kind of figure it out but sometimes when he would look at my work he would

01:19:42.180 be like there's all these like weird gaps and spaces i'm like yeah that's crazy i don't know why

01:19:46.840 that is and it's because i didn't know how to go from the top line to the next line because it didn't

01:19:51.080 work when you press enter so i would just hold the space bar down a million times until it got there

01:19:56.100 yeah and then he's like there's so many spaces i'm like that's crazy i don't know why that is

01:20:00.820 that's nuts that's a that's exactly what i did even like for the script that i printed out at work to

01:20:05.960 hand out i looked up like what format scripts are in and it's in final draft it's in that weird

01:20:10.600 fucked up if you've seen a script that the font and i'm like what kind of a fucked up because i wrote it

01:20:14.880 in word so then i looked up this program it was like 599 yeah usd i'm like are they mental that they

01:20:22.960 think we have 500 like and you could but i found the font i painstakingly went through word and i

01:20:31.340 went through all their fonts and i'm like it's courier like yeah so so i used the courier it was

01:20:37.620 exact same font of this and then the spacing you can imagine it drives a person to the brink i'm

01:20:43.280 surprised i'm here today to tell the tale because you could you could really commit you know yeah i did

01:20:48.480 the spacing in word the characters like all what you can do with the space bar shout out to the space

01:20:56.180 shout out to the space bar for real i agree the space bar it it honestly could be bigger it deserves

01:21:03.020 all the room on the keyboard it has i agree that's all i used was that space bar i was just yeah i don't

01:21:09.760 know that's crazy and i would like to think in most jobs i had before this when i was a personality

01:21:14.460 higher too like i was of course that was part of it that was a huge part of it i would say i was

01:21:18.820 personally yeah we were all but i yeah accounting firm they just knew i'd be a good chat i got onto

01:21:23.280 good files i got to like go travel and they're like but you're like the worst junior and i'm like

01:21:28.540 but i always you know i'll have a drink with a partner what do i care yeah you know i'm talking to

01:21:34.320 him i'm like oh that is a nice guy yeah like i you know and the partner he's doing all the work but

01:21:39.840 it's like they're not counting on me for major right but they're they're asking us to lie it's

01:21:45.520 like i remember applying to a shoe store in eaton center in montreal transit it was like a it was like

01:21:50.320 an aldo or a shoe store like that and they said well do you have an experience i said bitch where do

01:21:55.140 you want me to start doing what i'm 17 and this is like the freaking payless like what do you do i

01:22:00.920 have experience wearing shoes yeah it's like give me the job so it's like they ask us to lie in our

01:22:06.780 early that's true and i and i had that job at 17 too so i was like that's kind of on you to ask me

01:22:11.940 to do something that imperative and i'm 17 that kind of seems like it's your fault you know what

01:22:16.360 it was a good foundation for you i think so i absolutely one of the jobs i had before i worked

01:22:22.660 in because i worked for the nfl for a tiny bit before i started doing this but before that i worked

01:22:27.140 with my mom in uh pr public relations but i would like give out information about the the long and short

01:22:34.580 of it is i would tell people when their commute was going to be terrible for like the next 20 years

01:22:39.760 and then i'd just say like do you want to get emails about it and then i would just get screamed

01:22:44.440 out on porches for most of it so i was thinking like at one point i was like i mean i'm in the too

01:22:51.020 small polo on your step like i i'm not making the decisions like believe it or not i hate the freeway

01:22:56.140 too wait why is their route gonna be what happened it was like varying things like when the 405 was

01:23:02.480 being revamped and stuff oh um they have to do a whole bunch of things like they have to do like

01:23:07.720 drilling and like oh my god so there's like dirt piles of dirt being blown in your yard and like

01:23:13.720 and you have to tell these people i have to let them know i have to go door to door that is one of

01:23:17.660 the worst jobs i've heard about just getting screamed at about like no you're lucky to be alive really

01:23:22.700 like the worst things you can imagine which is in people's everyday life would be like a commute

01:23:27.080 right and like the summer so i would be like yeah it's going to be drilling all night from 10 p.m

01:23:32.780 to 5 a.m um do you want to get emails about the drilling and they'd be like what do you mean drilling

01:23:38.380 and we don't these people don't have a chance to move there's no it's just like it just letting you

01:23:43.240 know by the way which like yeah that would piss anybody off um unfortunately i'm 22 so like and i

01:23:50.240 have like no experience and or interest in giving you this information i'm kind of just here i'm here

01:23:56.740 so i don't get fined that was kind of my vibe no we had such bad jobs when you think about it

01:24:01.460 i remember when i worked at mcdonald's and um i was very lazy my friend cheney and i actually worked

01:24:09.320 at mcdonald's and we had the shift from 12 to 8 because if you work 12 to 8 you could sleep in go out

01:24:16.100 and come like 12 to 8 was like kind of perfect yeah but one day i came in and our fries were

01:24:23.540 running low i came in for the lunch rush that was my first shift of the day but the fry box is like

01:24:30.380 80 pounds it's in a freezer that you could get locked into which i again i like room temperature

01:24:36.920 i don't go in that fridge i told them in training i said i don't fuck with that fridge

01:24:40.320 okay this jew is not getting into that fridge and getting stuck in that fridge and freezing to death

01:24:44.960 i won't burn to death death in an oven and i will not freeze in a fridge right and i'm also not

01:24:50.560 carrying a 70 pound frozen so i would wait the manager normally always brought up the fries but he was

01:24:55.780 late that day so by the time he came there it was like chaos in the mcdonald's because i was telling

01:25:00.020 people we had a fries but i could offer them um apple pies right it's like they fucking want fries

01:25:05.740 you know so it was just a rough shift for you yeah i was just like i can't i never worked fast

01:25:13.980 food i did work in a restaurant and that was awful but i didn't ever work fast food was so good first

01:25:18.820 of all the job went fast i mean it was a bad job obviously but the food was delicious and i ate at

01:25:24.120 mcdonald's every day and i always growing up wanted mcdonald's so by this time i wasn't kosher that was

01:25:29.320 your dream and honestly it was amazing right i don't recommend it but i pay we got half off of food so

01:25:35.760 it was a really helpful job to have not really think about food for the summer that is nice my my

01:25:41.580 my staff meal was like my favorite part of my shift because i would get to because the cooks

01:25:47.520 like again i'm a personality hire so like i would make friends with everybody and so the cooks would

01:25:52.220 make me stuff that wasn't on the staff menu that night but they just were really rocking with me

01:25:56.900 and but i did get fired from that job so that is kind of a bummer but the day i got fired i was

01:26:01.920 training uh i didn't know at the time but he was a meth head and i didn't know that at the time

01:26:05.960 but when i did find out he was smoking meth on the job i was like okay i'm gonna make sure i tell

01:26:11.140 the manager like well i don't know if you want to hire him he does meth on the job right see maybe

01:26:15.400 you have you don't have a good uh meth dar meth like radar yeah because maybe you were in denver

01:26:22.380 and there were meth heads around you but you didn't know who knows is that a button is that a button

01:26:27.360 you see method method button i think like and i only knew because well i should have known because

01:26:34.360 he was he was kind of skittish but like he just kept leaving in the middle of the shift and then

01:26:38.640 one day i did follow him like or one time he left i followed him to the bathroom to like

01:26:43.300 knock on the door and be like hey dude you gotta come back out here yeah um and i heard a lighter

01:26:48.140 like flicking and like a little wayne song and then i heard the bubbles like bubbling and i was

01:26:53.980 see i don't know what meth is so i don't know what it is i just know what it sounds and looks like yeah

01:26:58.380 yeah yeah i got a good idea i think but then when the manager like took me out back he's like oh i want

01:27:03.400 to talk to you and i was like oh it's probably about the trainee i gotta let it i gotta break

01:27:06.380 the news that he's a meth head and then he basically was like so basically uh you're fired

01:27:11.660 and you're moving to on call and he the guy you trained today is going to replace you and he's

01:27:16.520 going to take all your shifts and he said do you have any questions for me or anything you want to

01:27:19.720 say and then i was like nope so i just didn't tell him and then they found out they found out the

01:27:25.740 hard way that he was a method perfect yeah karma that's what i believe in perfect i yeah no i believe

01:27:31.500 in all of it and there's also by the way we talked about believing what we believe in and what we

01:27:35.140 don't believe in that said speaking of the speaking of it there's nothing i don't believe in

01:27:39.240 okay i know it seems like okay i only believe there's nothing i don't believe i believe these

01:27:43.360 are all possibilities you know i also think that like you know it's as crazy that i'm here on this

01:27:48.560 planet that there would be an afterlife that there would be like to me i'm not plugged into a wall

01:27:52.420 i don't wear batteries like it's amazing this is as as outstanding and and unbelievable as that there

01:28:00.360 would be my spirit like all of it i believe in i'm just open to everything i think these are all

01:28:05.000 like possibilities i can't say that i know that's true i believe you i'm with you so i like also i

01:28:11.900 like being uh right all the time too so sometimes i like to keep all my options open yeah so either

01:28:16.820 way i can be like i knew it no i would get there and be like listen i thought it was possible i's just

01:28:21.260 i was not you know i would do if you want me to lie to you i'd say i know i believe but but i can't

01:28:27.800 lie and say i believe like i don't know yeah i don't either yeah i guess we'll find out together

01:28:33.320 eventually okay last fun fact uh you've just been nominated for an emmy for outstanding guest

01:28:38.760 actress in the comedy series for your role on hacks it's insane it's the world's smallest part

01:28:44.440 congratulations the world's the world's smallest part when they call me and you still got emmy

01:28:49.240 nominated so that's all that matters it's crazy congratulations thank you so much that's so

01:28:53.320 incredible how has it been working on hacks really fun like just such a fun i mean i got to go in

01:29:00.440 you know do a version of myself they let me do whatever i want with the character they were great

01:29:05.100 um yeah when they called me they're like you were nominated for an emmy when my man i was like for

01:29:11.040 what because yeah it was it was not a big part but it was a really fun part yeah clearly it was a

01:29:17.860 very impactful part because you got nominated you know what i resonated i'm a silver screen darling

01:29:22.320 what can i say what can i say no i think my character too on the show she's you know she's

01:29:28.240 hacks for the people she's really just a very i don't know hacks felt like such a maybe it's like a very

01:29:36.380 inside baseball hollywood thing and then randy was just off the bus of the people into that world so i

01:29:43.620 think it i think maybe that's what like randy's as surprised as i am surprised as everyone it's

01:29:49.980 like it it just feels like really good vibes that you know there's a small character but um people

01:29:55.280 uh enjoyed it and sometimes it's just amazing yeah it's a huge accomplishment that's so incredible i'm

01:30:01.800 so happy for you i'm very excited i don't know what to wear i'll figure it out lesbians it's difficult

01:30:05.920 so we're looking into it yeah we're looking into it i'm gonna go shopping on saturday we'll see if i can

01:30:11.460 buy something i'm rooting for you thank you i bet you can something emmy worthy well i think all

01:30:15.960 of the work because you're in it i know okay okay i believe in you i already have shoes so

01:30:21.160 it's my same shoes it's just my shoes yeah no i have shoes that i wear to everything so i really just

01:30:27.180 have to find a shirt and pants and me like i don't know if i'm gonna do jack like it just seems

01:30:32.180 too gay but maybe i will i don't know i'd rather maybe it's the perfect amount of gay

01:30:36.800 a jacket oh yeah you think people know i'm gay i just don't look too gay do i look gay

01:30:42.600 i think so yeah yeah in my in my humble opinion i would say so well congratulations i think you're

01:30:50.740 so incredible and so funny thank you so much i do think that about you now too thank you i had no

01:30:55.680 idea what to expect adore you oh thank you and i'm a very either i like or i don't you know what

01:31:00.160 i mean i don't need to know more i gathered that about you yeah yeah yeah yeah so now it's like

01:31:04.600 forever if your name comes up wonderful excellent still waiting for her to send me the simone

01:31:09.860 restaurant i'd love to try i'd love to try the rice and meat but who knows i think that's wonderful

01:31:18.700 but i do to wrap us i would love to know if you have any advice for any aspiring artists whether

01:31:23.980 they're writers or stand-ups actors anything in between you happen to be a jack of all trades but

01:31:28.440 if you have any advice for them if they're getting into the industry or interested in

01:31:31.580 getting into the industry uh none none no advice and um if you're looking to me for advice or

01:31:40.500 somebody else you already you're out like you can't that's a piece of advice in and of itself

01:31:45.760 yeah it's wonderful if if you're not sure if you're not and like you're out

01:31:49.860 you know what i mean we weren't were you asking for people advice and you were just kind of doing

01:31:55.680 your thing you just knew you yeah so that's why i said you're my hero you're my north star

01:31:59.520 yeah when i heard how you were moving i said damn i gotta i gotta step my game up i gotta get that

01:32:04.280 tour bus meanwhile yeah we're both learning a lot from each other oh i gotta get that bus

01:32:08.780 off these flights a bus and then the name of the simone food restaurant please that that gab and i

01:32:14.620 actually need oh we're always looking for your phone yeah i i remember the name loosely i'll have

01:32:18.960 to look it up but okay especially if it's fast the kind of place we can go to a lot i love that

01:32:23.160 yeah you can go pick it up no good lunch in la it's very hard to find a fast lunch in la i do love

01:32:28.720 yeah that is so true like see new york you can grab a sandwich you can grab a fly like here there's no

01:32:33.820 lunch yeah i need fast lunch i get it okay i'm robbie hoffman you can follow me at robbie hoffman

01:32:41.000 on instagram my podcast too far the new york times calls addictive it is patreon only we do not accept

01:32:47.320 corporate dollars as they won't give any to us uh so too far patreon only i'm robbie hoffman

01:32:53.480 thank you for coming on instagram thank you so much thank you this was a lot better than i thought

01:33:00.120 and by the way it was great it's not only was it better than i thought it was great i'll take that

01:33:06.380 thank you so much for tuning into this episode of the comment section show thank you so much my

01:33:10.140 amazing guest robbie hoffman don't forget new episodes of the comment section come out every

01:33:14.360 wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms with the video list for free and

01:33:17.560 exclusively on our favorite platform spotify thank you so much for coming thank you for watching

01:33:21.980 thank you to robbie hoffman i'll see you next week bye

I HAVE NO ADVICE Ft. Robby Hoffman ｜ Episode 182

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