The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - MOVE IF YOU’RE GAY Ft. Ian Smith

00:00:00.000 oh my god the worst is when you're like with someone that's like freaking out yeah and you're

00:00:03.700 like literally when people are like oh my god that's david henry from wizard of waverly place

00:00:09.580 and they're like crying and you're like bitch we are at a super goop sunscreen event like you have

00:00:16.960 to calm the fuck down like please go get a free margarita and some sunscreen and handle yourself

00:00:23.740 in the bathroom like go get in that photo booth and relax

00:00:26.260 hey everyone and welcome back to another episode of the comment section show starring me your fave

00:00:36.880 who cares about me nobody cares about me anymore on to the guest today we have the iconic the

00:00:42.160 legendary the hilarious ian smith also affectionately known as ian is ugly true um and i'm not saying

00:00:52.280 that's your handle for having me i know ones of people have been asking for this episode

00:00:57.400 so many people thank you so much for having me and i just want to say something before we even start

00:01:04.260 and i'm going to look right in the camera when i say this to the audience do it if you are watching

00:01:07.900 this and i say something funny here's what you're going to do you're going to screen record it and

00:01:12.040 put it next to a video of slime or someone cleaning out their iphone oh or the smushing one yep or

00:01:19.660 uh iphone game where the goal is to wax a hairy man's leg so please we got to get the clips out

00:01:25.580 there i want to see i want to see me talking next to iphone games that's got it that's an order in

00:01:32.120 fact just make a girl's dreams come true it's actually homework you know what's funny is they

00:01:36.420 just recently started doing that with my show oh really i see it all the time yeah they started

00:01:41.040 recently putting like clipping my show and putting it next to like those little like cylinders that

00:01:46.800 like go in and they smush that or something oh i love all of it i'm very into like brain rot right

00:01:52.660 now i love uh do you know the guy can you go back now are you saying words to me yes so basically

00:02:01.600 it's a piece of fried chicken that sings cotton eye joe there's also a hamburger and there's like a

00:02:07.480 whole storyline i got very high one night and i watched a 30 minute compilation and there's like

00:02:13.220 a storyline to it and so like chicken to to the piece of chicken and basically they're like in

00:02:21.300 the south and also nick avocado avocado is trying to i know him and then they have to like gain ranks

00:02:26.920 to like pass and some of this is within the 30 minute video no it's just like oh it's a whole

00:02:33.380 there's there's like a compilation okay you're you're world building for me yes okay go on i wouldn't

00:02:40.280 even know how to spell that if i tried you can just just look up brain rot and it will come right

00:02:46.160 up i'll just go on your likes or your whatever i can send you some oh please do you can absolutely

00:02:51.540 that you know i literally i send my friends like actually like 30 instagram reels because i'm really

00:02:57.200 on the instagram reels train you're really into reels i have i love reels i think reels it's weird as

00:03:03.720 hell over there it's amazing but it comes with like a moral dilemma because there's some people

00:03:09.600 that it's like they don't know that everyone's making fun of them i know that's t i was just about

00:03:15.480 to say i see some absurd things on reels and i'm like okay like i saw this one this girl like took

00:03:21.680 this video of her husband and he was like just walking in front of her doing something going and

00:03:25.940 looking at a plant or some shit and then it has like text on it and like a song behind it

00:03:30.500 and she wrote my husband and i struggled the first like three or four years we were dating because

00:03:37.100 um he told me he was in quotes struggling to ever be attracted to me physically did you saw that one

00:03:44.380 and then there's like the way i went on a deep dive yeah i had to it's so good i was like well

00:03:49.320 obviously click there's so many i like i like bother britney so much because i literally i'll send

00:03:55.680 her something she won't even react to the video she'll be like three likes because like the video

00:04:00.900 will have three like there's this one girl shout out her she's in rehab right now i love her her

00:04:05.300 name is android influencer okay and she's um an upcoming rapper okay and she goes to open mics in

00:04:11.100 new jersey or like jersey city and wraps her ass off period and you're just a big fan i'm a big fan

00:04:17.200 like those are like i don't really freak out about celebrities but i have like my my like

00:04:22.480 like do you know stitch lover forever 2000 of course i do mg shout out mg i followed stitch

00:04:29.280 lovers whole relationship drums i was in there do you know what that is i don't know okay it's

00:04:35.420 like a tv show that it's a tv show with her and her ex and this is like an actual tv show it was on

00:04:44.720 youtube but the storyline is insane like one of the girls like for some reason in the story

00:04:51.420 she trigger warning she had like she was her character self-harmed so bad that her arm

00:04:58.160 fell off okay but her arm was still on like it was just written into the story

00:05:03.300 so like i have like she's just kind of sitting there with her arm to the side and we're just

00:05:09.560 not and you said i'm locked in i'm watching all no yeah there's only four episodes though because

00:05:14.580 they broke up and then it damn don't you hate when that happens did you see her um when she spilled

00:05:19.660 orange soda all over walmart and that's making a stitch lover yeah of course i did yeah of course

00:05:25.500 i did too good i love shit like that like oh i'm all up in there like no one gives a fuck i do yeah

00:05:31.220 i absolutely do when everybody cares like like you know the like who did i marry part one remember that

00:05:36.040 oh yeah yeah i watched the first like i think two and then i was like i think i think i got the gist

00:05:41.460 yeah there's this girl do you know the girl um she works at target and she's like i am so down for

00:05:47.800 this today and she's like in the break room she's like i'm back baby she just does that every time

00:05:53.820 well she deactivated for a while and she just came back and i literally saw i was like it my dreams have

00:06:00.820 come true the best fucking day of my life he said my wish came my wish had come true no i like i have

00:06:06.960 like an obsession with like that type of influencer like i am still in the wonderland system mainframe

00:06:12.360 like i followed the wonderland system before they went private bitch i get to see bunny i get to see

00:06:19.080 sayori i get to see all of them chilling like i felt that way about stitch lover i was like if no if

00:06:25.440 this bitch has no fans i'm dead for real i'm literally fucking dead like i have to watch i have

00:06:32.280 to it's so there was one girl i used to watch i wish to god i remembered her name because i would

00:06:37.300 shout her out but she was like this just this average white woman but she was married um and she

00:06:42.980 lived in florida she just recently moved to florida but she was like super into disney which is like

00:06:47.620 okay basic but this girl she would wear the exact same outfits every time she went she always went

00:06:54.880 alone and she would collect these little stuffies and she would tie them to her outfit oh and she

00:07:00.640 just like always went alone she always went to the exact same rides she went to the same food she

00:07:05.320 knows what she likes yeah she she doesn't deviate she doesn't like change she said i'm going on buzz

00:07:09.980 let your space ranger spin and i'm getting a try i'm going on the toy story land slinky roller coaster

00:07:15.920 and i'm getting tachos from toys or toys land or whatever the fuck and that's all i'm doing

00:07:21.140 and i would watch that bitch like my life depended on it i'd literally look her up and

00:07:26.680 like on the search thing and i'd go catch up with my girl you just you have to and she was so normal

00:07:31.740 and so like i think it's because she was so far from anything i could ever be yeah i find people

00:07:37.920 like that fascinating that's like the best is when you find there's like some gems on youtube and it's

00:07:41.920 like youtubers that have been making videos for three years consistently and they have 80 views

00:07:46.240 i love it i love it me and my friend mckenzie recently we like hung out and we just watched

00:07:52.120 our favorite like secret youtubers that we watch there's this one it's like it's like well this

00:07:57.660 guy's popular it's like beg for it jay and he teaches like um like how to get a submissive girl

00:08:03.940 and like he has this girl and he's like this is kitten and she's like hi daddy and he's like these

00:08:10.760 are my rules and he's like you wake up when i tell you to you eat when i tell you to and in public

00:08:15.100 you have to call me daddy or i'll hit you and i literally was watching it he gets her in public

00:08:19.760 i was watching it and i was like oh my god and the craziest part about all this is the girl is like

00:08:25.860 i love it she's like she's like no i love it it's great for me it just works and he gets to fuck

00:08:32.840 anyone and i'm just kitten and she like sleeps in like a crib or like a cage oh my god she just

00:08:40.300 likes her little life something about reels like i i totally i find people like that on reels all

00:08:45.640 the time oh yeah oh my gosh you know it's been my new thing it's like when i see you don't like

00:08:51.080 those books like the acatar books like thorns or roses whatever i don't like by the way i lied i'm

00:08:56.320 sorry what is that like fairy they're like a really popular oh is it like the big heads like you know

00:09:00.800 when it's like a history book and it has like the really big head on the history book i see that on

00:09:04.040 twitter maybe i'm wrong i don't know what that is but i got back to what i was saying like the

00:09:10.260 they're basically these really popular books and they're about fairies and the fairies be

00:09:13.040 they fuck each other in the books right and then there's other series too there's like

00:09:16.560 there's other ones there's like about there's ones with dragons there's ones with elves like there it's

00:09:21.540 a whole thing right which is fine t love it if you love fairy smut books period bitch do what you

00:09:26.440 got to do i would support you what's crazy is that these books have they have such strong fandoms which

00:09:32.540 is typical right but within these fandoms they do fan art which is again typical but they literally

00:09:40.060 there are people who create this fan art mind you these are books they have no movies they have no

00:09:43.800 tv shows so it's all just up to the imagination obviously and so they create what they think they

00:09:48.440 look like and they paint them in these scenes that are in the books but they also paint them

00:09:53.480 fucking each other but they put that shit on patreon and they're like if you want the nakey version

00:09:59.700 you want to see peepee and you want to see you gotta pay you gotta pay you gotta pay for this

00:10:03.880 fairy pussy and it's none of it's real like none of it's real there's no audio there's no video

00:10:09.220 they're literally it's just illustrations yeah like or really bad ai art which is so funny to me because

00:10:15.500 like they'll have really sexual ar ai art and like blur out the genitals and they'll be like

00:10:21.500 unlock for the spicy version on patreon of course i have oh did you get it look i didn't subscribe i

00:10:28.580 didn't pay for the patreon but someone else i know did and she was saying can i have some

00:10:32.840 screenshots after this i will literally text you she was sending me she goes i'm gonna unsubscribe

00:10:37.560 this isn't worth it the comments are like i came once

00:10:43.760 this fairy's tits were small but like really like this uh my nut was real mid from this picture

00:10:52.440 literally yeah and i'm not kidding like sometimes i'll go in the comments and it's not the obviously

00:10:57.420 not the dirty versions because they're on and now my whole entire explore page is just that oh yeah

00:11:02.040 because i have to keep looking every time i see i have to look so then i go in and look in the

00:11:05.680 comments and when they do like their interpretations they'll literally write like what scene it's from

00:11:10.580 like in the book whatever oh and then underneath they go everyone please be nice to me this is my

00:11:16.340 first time illustrating because in the comments they are mean as fuck girl they're literally writing

00:11:22.400 shit like he would never look like that he's so much bigger than that his dick is way bigger than

00:11:28.120 that like this is a horrible picture they're mean they like they rate the like fairy drawings yeah

00:11:34.200 they're like that is fucking but they fucking like they uh cyber bully like they get mad they're like

00:11:41.100 he would never wear that he would never wear an open toe sandal with that outfit he's wearing jordans

00:11:46.900 yeah he would never wear some gay open toe sandals are you kidding me you would never have a sandal on

00:11:55.980 that's amazing it's so i find that fascinating did you ever have like an era before this where you were

00:12:01.880 trying to do social media like before it like hit off um my sister and i made youtube videos

00:12:07.800 but i we said it was because we were like oh what if we became youtubers but honestly looking back i feel

00:12:14.100 like we only did it because we just like i'm just like want to perform so like we would just show

00:12:19.140 them to each other and laugh our ass off and never promote it no yeah same i i like i had a youtube

00:12:24.440 channel when i was like 13 actually this is it wait yeah i want to get into your lore of the internet

00:12:31.360 because you have a long-standing history on the internet yes yeah um so i had a youtube channel

00:12:36.180 i was always obsessed with youtubers when i was like a kid yeah i mean my creator for a long time y'all

00:12:41.880 if you don't already know yeah i've been in the world for a minute posting my random shit like

00:12:46.240 everywhere like i have some accounts that i i'm like i need to get this deleted right now

00:12:50.220 it's not like bad but it's just so embarrassing it's embarrassing yeah yeah so i had this youtube

00:12:54.560 channel when i was like when i was 13 and i was like on it like every single week i would post

00:13:00.840 something i would be like what's in my bag tag like like clean my room with me and it would be like

00:13:06.240 like i would just copy what o2l was doing and it got o2l tbt who remembers my sister really liked

00:13:15.720 o2l too i love them but it took a really dark turn when i was um making my youtube videos because

00:13:21.640 okay so imagine this i'm 13 i'm making my little content and there used to be a way that you could

00:13:29.100 dm people on youtube and so i get a dm okay from this girl cassandra and she's like hi my name is

00:13:36.360 cassandra i'm a really big fan and i was like i was so fucking excited she was like i'm a really big

00:13:42.920 fan but sadly i have cancer and i was like oh my god this is so sad yeah and she was like i really

00:13:49.160 want you to do a special challenge for my birthday it's called the egyptian footstool challenge and i was

00:13:55.280 like this is weird yeah and she was like so just invite over a friend maybe a young boy your age

00:14:02.400 and then have him get on his hands and knees and take your socks off and wiggle your toes in front

00:14:08.240 of the camera for four minutes and she was like it was what if it was um okay well spoiler alert it

00:14:15.560 wasn't fucking cassandra but

00:14:17.740 anyways um so i do this egyptian footstool challenge i call my friend you did it i'm like

00:14:30.560 i have a fan and she has cancer come over now the way that you're like prime like

00:14:38.460 pray for that oh i was i was fucking i was like i have a fucking fan i need to wiggle my toes

00:14:44.000 so he's like there i'm like hey guys welcome back to the egyptian footstool challenge i'm wiggling

00:14:49.220 my toes my god ian i hit upload and that video got a thousand views and for me that was that's your

00:14:57.740 one video big fucking deal for the next three weeks i had more cancer patients lined up than

00:15:03.540 saint jude's children's hospital because my dms my dms hi my name is alex i have a brain tumor i was

00:15:09.560 like oh alex has a brain tumor ethan you got to come back over and lick put it off my toes

00:15:13.080 i was making foot fetish content week after week and you had no idea and it was getting

00:15:18.480 and you were still 13 yeah oh my god i was like hey guys you're just asking for more toe shit again

00:15:25.300 so here we go and then one day i get a dm and the title is hard on for toe boy

00:15:32.520 and i open it and it's a picture of an old man's penis and he's like keep wiggling your toes kid it

00:15:42.420 gives daddy a big heart on and i was like nude too i was a nude it was attached and i literally was

00:15:50.300 like cassandra isn't real and she doesn't have cancer what the fuck i thought i had a whole huge

00:15:58.620 fandom of cancer patients but they were just saying that they had cancer because like if because one

00:16:02.840 person told them it worked well yeah if you tell a 13 year old hey i have cancer can you do this for

00:16:07.160 me i'm a fan and like they could feel did you say that in the video too oh yeah oh i was like shout

00:16:12.800 to cassandra i hope that the chemo is good and

00:16:16.160 this year so that was my first experience that was my first experience on youtube

00:16:27.560 you're like i took a really dark shirt you were right that was the darkest turn i could have

00:16:32.780 possibly taken yeah i was so disappointed because the videos got so many views i was more sad about

00:16:38.260 that which i was like you're like you know what i know i'm being taken advantage of but i respect

00:16:43.880 the craft till i die literally i wanted the attention to so bad i was like please put me on

00:16:49.560 digital y'all what's the one that sean mendes was a part of mad con mad con i'm like yeah mad con

00:16:57.480 mad i got the toes for the job go check my footage check my tape it'd be really interesting

00:17:03.920 sometimes i wish i could go i could go back in time but as me and go as me now i want to

00:17:10.420 love to attend mad con yeah did you ever go to any of those girl what do you think i went to one

00:17:16.200 wait can i can i be vulnerable for a sec sure wait you'll have to you'll have to blur and bleep

00:17:21.060 this what i'm gonna say i went to i went to fucking

00:17:23.380 i'm not kidding i've never told anybody here this the way that shame is coursing through me

00:17:32.220 yeah the way i was like i honestly i this is me also being vulnerable i've always thought he was

00:17:39.140 gross and weird so i i caught the vibe early but i did go to that shit i'm not kidding i went to that

00:17:45.160 shit how was it first of all did you get inside no girl i got i stood in the sun like everybody else

00:17:51.480 like all the other plebes who got sunburned yeah and then my my boyfriend was with us and uh my

00:17:58.660 sister was with me and then uh his brother came he just joined us because he wanted to

00:18:02.820 and then we stood in the sun sweat um my brother-in-law got severely sunburned never got inside

00:18:10.060 left that's fucked yeah so that was the one thing i did go to i honestly forgot i went that's literally

00:18:16.280 fucked up that's probably my shame just coating my brain trying to hide it from me to be honest

00:18:20.820 i made my mom pay like 200 to go to digi fest i got vip my mom my mom i like meet like ricky

00:18:28.580 thompson you are the perfect person to go to that shit yeah and my my mom was like i just spent 200

00:18:35.920 for tickets by the way it was at the biggie in massachusetts i don't know if you know what that

00:18:39.040 is there was like free seating that i kind of just used like and literally wait what was the 200

00:18:44.460 i did the meet and greet and i met like some of the mad con boys i met like trevi moran

00:18:49.760 and they were fucking doing the what's in the box challenge like on stage in front of a crowd of

00:18:56.860 people and my mom was like i got scared are you kidding me and i literally was like i'm so anxious

00:19:04.260 to meet these people and my mom was just sitting i think ricky thompson went on stage and like lip

00:19:07.940 sync to anaconda by nikki minaj nice and then they did what's in the box challenge with all the

00:19:12.400 mad con boys or were all of them it was like a couple oh and sam pepper was there girl i don't

00:19:17.500 want to get into that a time a key he was there wait do you not know he's there above this of course

00:19:22.580 i do okay of course i know i was like okay that was me being funny that was me being ironic i don't

00:19:27.800 ever want to meet that guy i did meet him and thoughts he midnut he said that my car

00:19:33.700 he's a bad person who cares about him yeah he like is a streamer now i guess that makes sense

00:19:45.180 for his journey i i genuinely believe that you are like the perfect person to have lived through

00:19:51.280 those eras oh yeah because besides the fact that you would remember it all you also want to

00:19:56.220 participate oh i wanted to be it yeah you get the full like i was so jealous i wanted to tour with

00:20:02.220 o2l so badly like it was my fucking dream it was i'm so mad who was your favorite no 2l i loved

00:20:11.220 i liked jc jc caitlin yeah yeah i met him recently and like like a while ago and i kind of was just like

00:20:19.120 i don't i don't care anymore yeah now that you're an adult i like i genuinely the only person i would

00:20:25.940 freak out if i met was stizzle over forever or anne hathaway like anyone else and honestly those

00:20:32.380 two are so much alike right like i just i don't really give a fuck about like celebrities like that

00:20:37.020 yeah it's really sad because i was a personal assistant for a while and it disillusioned you

00:20:41.660 yeah really it did were you a personal assistant for like a creator it was for uh quen blackwell

00:20:46.780 oh okay she's the best i love oh love but you get to meet all these like yeah people i'm sure

00:20:52.900 no yeah it was it was it was a vibe i've told people before i'm like because sometimes fans when

00:20:58.360 i do like hosting gigs and stuff they'll be like i can't believe you don't get nervous like how do

00:21:02.400 you talk to these people and i'm like i promise you if you met them like you would not be nervous

00:21:06.800 yeah they're weird it's really like i feel like you kind of just have to do it like three times

00:21:12.260 and then once you do it like after three times and like you meet the person that you're super excited

00:21:16.380 about it's kind of just like it's not that great i freaked out when i met taylor swift of course

00:21:20.800 well i freaked out when i met beyonce that's but like it's like that's one of those things where

00:21:25.300 it's like it's someone that you never thought you would ever meet they're like aliens to me like

00:21:28.860 they like don't exist like amongst the same i thought the same thing i was like beyonce is

00:21:33.740 someone that really actually and only has starstruck me and that's because i'd never in a million years

00:21:39.420 i would ever get to meet her on a personal level yeah at all like not even at a meet and greet or

00:21:44.040 anything like that so i never thought that would ever be possible for me so those are different and i

00:21:47.680 know what you mean i like put them on a whole nother tier yeah they're like she's like a greek

00:21:51.360 god to me yeah she's not real no she came down from olympus to come hang out with me for half a

00:21:56.640 second and went back so like that's different but i just mean any celebrity really i was just talking

00:22:01.480 to someone on the show about it i was like they're weirdos like if you hang out with them in a social

00:22:05.560 setting like they're weird oh my god the worst is when you're like with someone that's like freaking

00:22:09.860 out yeah and you're like why are you crying over that like literally when people are like oh my god

00:22:16.220 that's david henry from wizard of waverly place and they're like crying and you're like bitch we

00:22:23.160 are at a super goop sunscreen event like you have to calm the fuck down like please go get a free

00:22:30.360 margarita and some sunscreen and handle yourself in the bathroom like go get that photo booth and relax

00:22:35.900 it is so embarrassing it's like it's really just like it's funny because i i feel like the people

00:22:41.860 i've taken the only people i take to anything are either my boyfriend or my mom and sister like

00:22:46.580 it's there's no in between and like i feel like in the beginning i feel like we'd be like oh that's

00:22:50.900 cool like yeah that's crazy i think the one time my mom was like oh my gosh i can't believe but she

00:22:55.420 wasn't freaking out was when we saw steve martin because we saw him at an only murder that's like

00:23:00.360 a that was the only one where my mom was like oh my gosh i can't believe it and we nothing happened

00:23:04.320 like she was just like that's crazy that's fair yeah he falls to her knees and cries in front of

00:23:09.920 steve martin instead of david henry

00:23:11.900 i actually met david de luise which played the dad he played the dad oh have you seen the picture

00:23:20.040 what picture it's like of him like with his like full ass out in the mirror and he's like

00:23:27.160 yeah have you seen those should i find it are they real yes wait one second the way that ian is

00:23:37.580 literally i'm not even kidding you're like someone who's embedded so deeply in the internet oh it's

00:23:44.040 like a pull from anything for anyone it's a lot you know every

00:23:48.740 we'll add it in y'all just kidding there's worse ones as you can see there's there is like a lot

00:23:58.580 worse ones and i won't show you um where did those come from my my camera roll

00:24:05.580 i just looked up wizards of waverly place dad butt photo

00:24:11.420 don't look that up y'all unless you're over age obviously

00:24:21.020 he literally i worked with him on something but my mom like when he met me he was really nice but i

00:24:30.180 told my mom i was like oh he played the dad on wizards of waverly place and then we we did like

00:24:35.140 we shot something like for hulu together oh nice yeah so we like we're on like it's like a full

00:24:41.180 fucking crew it's like a huge set it's it was this whole thing and i felt like i don't know it

00:24:47.340 just felt so strange i'm all what the fuck am i doing here i'm sitting next to the dad from wizards

00:24:52.500 of waverly place no shame we love you and they're telling me to like be funny they're like oh make

00:24:57.620 some tiktok jokes like do some right it's like hit the renegade come on y'all savage dance

00:25:04.920 do your skibbity thing and i was like this is just an insane like yeah this is like work

00:25:12.380 it's coming back the show it is yeah i saw that big fan were you a big fan i like the like nostalgia

00:25:21.040 thing i don't know yeah it's getting a little you know what i'm like girl you need to pack it up is

00:25:26.120 you know that this this i had to delete multiple videos because every time i talk about it i get

00:25:31.520 scared and i'm like i have to like they're they get pissed yeah matthew bennett who's that he does

00:25:37.420 he's the he's robbie from victorious and he like throws parties where like he he's like playing the

00:25:44.180 spongebob theme song and everyone's like and they're all blackout drunk wait like act like it's called i

00:25:49.580 party 101 and it's he goes on stage and he kind of like like pokes his shirt off a little bit and

00:25:55.680 everyone's like yes and i'm just like what is the appeal of going to your local bar and seeing robbie

00:26:00.800 from victorious like play the zombie 101 theme song while you're drunk i like i really don't

00:26:06.920 understand it like i really team we've lost it yeah it's hey team let's sync up everybody let's get

00:26:13.560 back on our zooms let's look up let's sync up again i think we were off the rails a little it's it's

00:26:18.920 really insane sometimes i'll get like the most random dms and they're from brand accounts like like

00:26:27.260 actual like production company accounts like huge brands and they'll be like hey do you want to come

00:26:32.980 here and meet and it's the most random oh my god would you be willing to come down and meet this

00:26:39.920 person i'm like hey no like here i'll bleep this one too i got a dm from and they were like we'd love

00:26:47.480 to have you come to our party and you could have the chance to meet and then i had a friend text me

00:26:52.940 and say hey one of my friends works for tlc said they dm'd you but do you have any interest in

00:26:58.260 me and i was like it's funny you say that no i got any other questions um i got an email this week

00:27:06.700 and it was like and i and i'm gonna say the name don't bleep it but it was like hey like this saturday

00:27:13.120 you want to come meet rita aura and shoot some content i'm like girl it was harry daniels out of

00:27:18.960 town like what the fuck am i gonna do with rita aura like what i love her though do you want to

00:27:27.900 talk about that song she had like from like six years ago the i don't even i don't even know

00:27:32.200 rita aura and bb rocks are the same person in my head so it gets really it gets really hard but

00:27:41.220 did you see the rita aura tweet where she was like me did you see that tweet from 2011

00:27:46.740 like no you're so mean um i do that all the time she tweeted she was like y'all if this tweet gets

00:27:53.380 100 000 retweets i'm gonna release my new song today and then no one retweeted it and then the

00:27:59.760 next tweet she was like she was like y'all that was hacked um she's so real it was like i don't put

00:28:06.460 out music until i'm ready i don't care about retweets she just like completely backtracked you know

00:28:14.020 it was one of my favorite tweets to pull out of the vault when sydney sweeney's mom had like a

00:28:19.940 birthday party and she was like wearing maga shit like her parents and then like she posts these

00:28:26.920 pictures and she's tagged in them like i don't think sydney noticed that i think other people did

00:28:30.680 and they found them and they tweeted them at her and they're like hey what the fuck like yeah are you

00:28:36.060 a magovich like what's going on they're like asking her and her response was this and i quote guys

00:28:41.380 it's my mom's birthday and that was it that's kind of fair that's the way i laughed i laughed i'm not

00:28:50.380 supposed to laugh is that fucked up like i sometimes i'm like grandma take this down now

00:28:59.340 she fucking she puts on her facebook it was like if gender doesn't matter buy some roosters for your

00:29:06.020 eggs and bowls for your milk and see how that turns out i was like grandma take this down

00:29:13.240 she just tags you at the end what is wrong with she writes in is ugly at the end i was like grandma

00:29:19.680 take this down please i like she's like and why do you have me blocked on facebook i'm like i don't

00:29:25.900 want to be your friend on facebook because then people come i don't know and people go on and they're

00:29:30.420 like pray for him and it's like ai trump it's not gonna be a good look on me gram gram like i'm sorry

00:29:36.940 the best was in 2020 when when um like literal 14 year olds would be like my parents are trump

00:29:44.280 supporters and like it's really hard and the comments would be like bitch not you still living

00:29:48.800 with them they're 11 why are you being complicit i'm like this is a 14 year old girl by the way like

00:29:55.140 she her biggest worry is like making cheerleading team and you're trying to get her to move across

00:30:00.520 country she needs the weight of systemic racism as well dude the way that guys and sometimes like

00:30:07.800 when people i'm not kidding my sister and i do this bit ever since it happened it's like whenever

00:30:12.800 someone's like telling me you have to do this you have to you have to do this you have to do it

00:30:15.800 like if they're just badgering me with shit i go guys it's my mom's birthday it's my mom's birthday

00:30:22.360 and it's it's just it's mom's birthday guys come on it's my mom's birthday does your mom no shade

00:30:28.660 sorry hi mama does does she try to suggest shit sometimes and you're like okay maybe no honestly

00:30:35.620 no my mom was like you should do a pirate calendar and i was like do you love pirates no i was like

00:30:42.100 i was like noted noted i might do a pirate calendar oh suggestion time's over uh thank you though

00:30:51.020 it's like oh or she always thinks i'm filming her i'll like i'll like talk to her she'll be like

00:30:56.260 are you filming me for this i'm like no i'm not where are the cameras i'm like no are you pranking

00:31:05.140 me i'm just saying words your mom wants to be in a bit i know we should have we should have her on

00:31:10.760 yeah we should bring her on the pod what's her name linda linda love you mom

00:31:15.760 you should show her that um remember the listen to me linda little kid i see i don't show them

00:31:22.380 anything because then they're like who is that is that your friend that's my dad i'm like i literally

00:31:27.200 show like a photo of like a dog she's like is that your friend's dog i'm like i show my dad i will show

00:31:31.780 my dad a funny meme and my dad will be like who is that and i go i don't know and then he goes

00:31:37.560 well how do they know each other i don't know and then he's like but you know him all right you're

00:31:43.580 done like forget it hey forget it i don't want to show you anything funny ever no or my dad will

00:31:48.640 send me things that are like from four years ago oh yeah and he'll be like oh my god this is crazy

00:31:53.720 oh yeah my dad will be like he'll send me like the um joe byron video you know what i'm talking about

00:31:59.260 yeah yeah now yeah it was just so long ago yeah that it took you yeah he's like he's showing me

00:32:05.520 like hide your kids hide your wife hide your husband i'm like this is awesome like i love this

00:32:10.640 show me the troll song like i'm like great no but my parents um i i have them blocked i just i can't

00:32:18.600 because like it'll literally be me like like in like full body paint like blackout drunk at like 2 p.m

00:32:27.740 and my dad will be like so i saw something a little concerning just want to make sure you're good

00:32:32.660 it's literally me you know what why don't you let me do me and you right you right that's just me

00:32:38.540 doing me i think i also used to be like really party girl but i've like i slowed down yeah it's

00:32:45.400 actually really sad like it makes me depressed is it yeah i i used to go when i lived in la like when

00:32:51.060 you think about it or now that you're not doing it now that i'm not doing it like when i when i lived

00:32:55.360 in la i was partying four days a week five days a week every single week like that's crazy like i

00:33:01.460 would go i would go work with quen shout out quen i was your assistant but it was like can you like

00:33:07.580 fold my laundry we can smoke like it was very much like that um but so i would work and then get home

00:33:16.340 uber right to the club stay out till like four or five in the morning crazy wake up go to work do it

00:33:22.700 over again and now i'm like i what i've been doing is i go out on thursday and i like black out so fierce

00:33:27.560 and then i don't drink on the weekend so i have like my weekend moment to myself balance life hack

00:33:34.360 all about wellness but drinking once a week it's kind of it's kind of depressing yeah just because

00:33:40.700 you're waiting all day are you waiting to get through almost thursday no i don't know i just i

00:33:45.700 also don't really enjoy it as much yes i get home so early now like i get home at like 1 a.m and i'm

00:33:50.740 like shit like you're an old head guess i'm fucking old now speaking of you painting your

00:33:57.600 whole body i do want to talk about when you entered that screaming contest it's evil laugh

00:34:02.740 evil laugh contest yes my bad um well it doesn't matter you lost so i guess it doesn't matter i

00:34:07.860 like don't even want to talk about it because it's still like honestly one of the most triggering

00:34:11.320 things in my life my sister was like make sure you bring up that video because that's one of the

00:34:16.420 funniest things i've ever seen thank you so my friend slash comedian mira caulfield shout out you

00:34:23.480 queen love you um she was just with her friends and there was they were watching like a a clip of

00:34:30.180 like an anime convention of them like doing evil laughs so they thought it was so funny and they were

00:34:33.940 like let's take it to brooklyn and let's have people sign up and when she sent it to me i'm not

00:34:38.900 kidding like i felt my life have like a new purpose like i had like a month of prep and i'm not

00:34:46.360 kidding my neighbors were like my neighbors were like sliding notes under the door being like hi

00:34:51.020 please stop like knocking being like so we just keep hearing laughing at like 1 a.m i was like

00:34:55.800 practice practice practice like actively afraid of you yes and so the big day comes around i call my

00:35:01.560 friend mackenzie she comes over she bought these like pyrotechnics that you like light on fire yeah um

00:35:07.740 i went full alphabet yeah i bought confetti guns yeah i show up to this evil laugh contest and also

00:35:15.480 it was half comedians but then half people that just signed up like so some people when they got

00:35:22.720 eliminated they were like i thought they were about to hit somebody like they were felt so disrespected

00:35:27.980 that their evil laugh like didn't make it like there was this one guy who was genuinely freaking the

00:35:34.260 one girl walked out and cried like it was the stakes were high okay the vibes were intense yes

00:35:41.320 before i even showed up to the competition i was in a group chat with everyone that was there i

00:35:45.980 literally only knew like my friend mackenzie and charlie and i i was like i'm gonna fucking win so

00:35:53.200 i start dming people and i'm like hey it's grandma um i just think something really bad is gonna happen

00:35:59.640 like i started like spamming them being like do not show up tonight or i'd be like fuck it got

00:36:04.760 canceled like it got rescheduled i was really trying to sabotage i was trying to sabotage the

00:36:09.620 fucking competition and i show up and some like tanya harding shit literally i was gonna crowbar or

00:36:17.260 whatever the fuck she did to the kneecaps because i needed to win this it was i've never felt a room so

00:36:23.560 electric i was fully sober there was like 400 people stuffed into a room the new york times was there

00:36:29.580 they like did an article on it and it was the best time of my life but i didn't make it through

00:36:35.200 the first round and damn there was multiple rounds oh because they're like winding it down oh yeah it

00:36:40.820 was it was intense there was a panel of judges it was it was serious i don't pray about my evil laugh

00:36:46.160 your friend started it and you still didn't even make it so i'm saying she wasn't a judge

00:36:50.420 it was so pissed off it's ruined our friendship she's running the whole thing but can't rig it in

00:36:55.620 your favor that's what i'm saying yeah what's the point of having friends fair whatever the t the

00:37:01.240 winner got a t-shirt that said i won the evil laugh competition and cinnamon buns

00:37:04.960 and that's what it's all about that's why i love new york because like there's just a level of stupid

00:37:11.360 that's going that's why i moved to new york it's because like there's just a level of exactly there's

00:37:16.280 a level of stupid that is just like perfect i'm gonna like when i fly back i'm gonna be in a

00:37:21.000 spelling bee for adults you're a good speller no but i'm gonna but i'm gonna give it my all

00:37:27.780 you're gonna give it the old college try watch you win that one but you didn't win the evil laugh

00:37:32.020 one yeah even your neighbors were like hey girl even my neighbors couldn't handle this laugh

00:37:37.220 you're all you should have asked my neighbors they all would have said what would your evil laugh

00:37:42.320 sound like what would it sound like i mean i'm not gonna do it for you now i would say the

00:37:46.860 so you don't want to match it you want to know what's so funny is when vine was a thing

00:37:51.220 i had one vine that did remarkably well considering i had like fucking 30 followers at the time and it

00:38:00.400 was literally a vine of my little brother and i still have it i'll literally look for it right now

00:38:05.080 while we talk and he's just like standing in the kitchen of my childhood home and like me and my

00:38:11.060 sister at the table with our friend and he came over and he was like hey i want to show you guys

00:38:16.940 something and like you know it's like little brother shit so i think he's like seven or eight

00:38:21.280 in the video okay and he's and we're like okay and he goes this is what my laugh would be if i was a

00:38:26.940 villain and then he starts doing it but he puts his whole chest into that shit like he's doing it so

00:38:34.140 loud and guttural and it's like raising in octaves like every time because he goes one round and then he

00:38:39.360 comes back and it's like going higher oh he's like he's he's putting it all in the round and like

00:38:43.520 he's like sweating already when he comes out and i felt like he was practicing and then came out to

00:38:48.620 show up he's practicing for three and a half hours he had his pillow on his face so no one could hear

00:38:54.820 and like literally we laughed so hard i was like wait do it again so i can record you and i made a

00:39:00.660 vine of it it's just six seconds i'm doing it for the vine and he literally was doing it and he

00:39:05.920 we didn't maybe do it so many times my mom was like all right enough like enough enough i can't

00:39:10.020 i can't listen to it anymore like he is all about to see that evil i i love an evil laugh i love an

00:39:16.120 evil laugh it hits every time um there's always like something stupid going on the next thing besides

00:39:22.100 the evil laugh i literally found it is can i show it oh for sure i'll literally play the

00:39:26.060 fucking six seconds of him doing that he's no he's in shorts but he's topless and i'm not gonna

00:39:42.140 lie that was a little weak real mid if i'm being honest someone that's an evil laugher um i would

00:39:49.500 say the performance was about five out of ten you have some i do have some notes um actually exactly i

00:39:55.960 think he should have taken it a little more taking it there i'm like you're up here you should be

00:40:01.400 down here can you meet me here that's why you say hi when you're laughing

00:40:06.480 you're doing a ho ho ho and we need to

00:40:12.620 it needs to taper off at the end real high at the end that's he literally was doing it so many times

00:40:22.060 that's honestly why he's shirtless in the video because he started getting because he needed

00:40:25.740 he's sitting in front of the ac he needed to get in the zone and then apparently ice pack on his

00:40:30.760 eyes that was a tough game y'all he's a sweatband on now that is too good i mean it's a full body

00:40:38.240 experience no it's like it's incredible but new york has the stupidest events when i come back

00:40:44.080 um there's twinks versus dolls rage in the cage and it's what you're all doing in there well the

00:40:50.200 twinks are going against the dolls yeah and different it's like olympic so there's a cigarette

00:40:54.160 race there's spaghetti wrestling um like you're wrestling in it's not me like i'm i'm watching

00:41:00.800 you're not like they get a doll and they get a twink and then they have competitions i know i'm just

00:41:05.660 curious how they work the games i don't know like i feel like the actual i don't know if there's

00:41:10.520 going to be an actual cage like like beating the shit out of each other feels a little problematic

00:41:16.020 imagine that would be crazy but yeah it's that is they they are truly it sounds like matching your

00:41:22.120 freak out there you gotta you gotta come yeah you're going on tour there right yes opening night

00:41:26.960 that's amazing you gotta come what if i was like what day you can't come it's a tuesday night july 30th

00:41:33.120 okay what if it was the night of your spelling bee i know well no i wanted to know because i have a show

00:41:38.580 july 18th how exciting period uh bcc because you do because you do stand-up too yeah i've been

00:41:44.940 that's like why i made the jump from la to new york is because to work on stand-up to do stand-up

00:41:50.520 and also i can't it just matches i don't want to drive and i was spending so much money on ubers

00:41:56.760 yeah that it was literally financially hindering me and i was like i could go to new york and go on

00:42:02.580 the subway do you just not like driving no i know how to i'm good at it too by the way i just

00:42:08.140 don't want to buy a car and do that upkeep and i'd rather not and so that was yeah that's that

00:42:14.620 was a big reason why how has stand-up been going for you how do you like stand-up i love it i think

00:42:18.600 it's so much fun i did it um for the first time i went on tour with tari yummy like a year and a half

00:42:25.120 ago oh nice and i showed up to her drunk at a party and i was like i want to do stand-up and she was

00:42:31.360 like come on my tour and i was like really and she was like yeah and then i left like the week

00:42:37.040 after damn and it was super fun and i loved it and then i made the jump to new york because there's

00:42:44.700 just so much comedy going on in new york and it's all so close to me yeah but i'm burping um right now

00:42:52.540 i'm kind of just like getting my set together totally because i just hate when like people that

00:42:59.000 were influencers are like i'm doing this and then they're just doing it because they can do it and

00:43:03.220 not because they want to like i love comedy i love stand-up it's like same it's so much fun and it's

00:43:09.100 new and like the stand-up little like community that is that i'm like kind of a part of like my

00:43:16.480 friends i think they're like the funniest people ever yeah and so it's like great to just be able

00:43:21.800 to go i do like five open mic or open mics a week just to like practice cool and then i'm starting

00:43:27.920 to have like actual shows that are going to come up soon so if you're in new york book me please

00:43:33.760 thank you that's so fucking cool i feel i feel you on the like content creator jump thing because it's

00:43:40.040 so that's very real i talk to other creators a lot where it's like because i started i started doing

00:43:45.060 stand-up but barely um i did a five already and it was very fun but i honestly had a blast doing it

00:43:52.620 where'd you do the five i did it opening at the i did at the largo here in la nice with kate for

00:43:57.680 caleb's show oh nice nice nice and it was me and chris fleming open but i think chris did like i think

00:44:03.460 he did like 15 yeah obviously caleb did the full and then um he was on tour with annie de russo so

00:44:07.860 then her and her band uh closed out the show nice but it was a fucking blast like it's great i love

00:44:14.220 being funny i love telling jokes but i've been putting off stand-up forever because i was telling

00:44:17.720 my team i was like i just don't want to find out the hard way that i'm not that good because i know

00:44:22.780 internet funny and stand-up funny are very different it is really different it's like it's hard to like

00:44:27.360 totally because you have to write something out and you have to like have jokes in between the story

00:44:31.700 and it's just like memorize it all and yeah the flow and like the cadence yeah and then if you say

00:44:37.360 this you ruin the end of the joke it's like it's very much also it's so like

00:44:42.460 straight male edgelord vibes like i don't really go to manhattan for mics i go to the like

00:44:49.840 no hate speech before the mic starts mics because they're all nice and fun and they're open like yeah

00:44:56.340 talking about it because when you joke about like if you joke about straight guys if you joke about

00:45:00.200 white people if you joke about that type of shit like you gotta have the right audience because

00:45:03.340 otherwise they just won't laugh on purpose even if they find it yeah and so when i did my first five

00:45:07.740 i was like i really i was genuinely so nervous and i never get nervous for work shit yeah that's

00:45:13.660 just because i love stand-up so much and i just yeah you just wanted to make sure that it's i feel

00:45:18.140 like people also love you i was i was talking to britney about this like britney goes on stage and

00:45:23.280 she's like y'all i just have my water bottle and everyone's like like everyone's just having a

00:45:29.220 fucking blast totally so i even told caleb because he asked me when he asked me it was like a month out

00:45:34.380 and he was like do you want me i could put you on on like a graphic or something we can market or we

00:45:39.100 could just have you be like a surprise guest and i was like i'd rather be a surprise guest yeah and

00:45:43.440 that was because i want to know if i'm actually yeah if i invite fans like i love my fans they're

00:45:49.100 gonna laugh no matter what yeah i could be like it's a good challenge yeah it's like i want to go

00:45:54.360 and have the audience not be mine and really like run these jokes otherwise i won't ever know if i'm

00:45:59.940 actually funny because like they're gonna laugh at anything and i want to get good yeah and he was

00:46:04.820 like i think that's great like then we won't tell anyone and we'll just did you crush or sorry i said

00:46:09.880 did you crush yeah actually i did really well good that's not me feeling myself i i know there's

00:46:14.760 sometimes where like you you finish and you're like yeah i had a real banger joke about jason

00:46:21.220 in there that really ate them alive like that was when i added the morning of that's that's always

00:46:26.800 how it works like if i feel like there'll be times where i'll go to do comedy and like

00:46:31.980 when i'm about to do like however long i'll just think of something while i'm sitting there and

00:46:37.860 that's why it's really good to go to open mics because like people that are saying shit will

00:46:42.460 inspire you and like it'll also just make you think of things because people are like talking

00:46:48.180 from experience and then you can be like wait i had an experience similar and then like use that to

00:46:52.440 kind of build what you're talking about no that's good i'm i'm taking all the tips right now from all

00:46:57.780 my friends who've been doing it for fucking yeah because caleb's like hilarious he's like the best

00:47:01.600 he kills me he's so unbelievably funny it honestly upsets me it makes me really angry yeah even when i

00:47:08.560 went out like he told me too he was like openings are is really important like how you start he's like

00:47:14.120 so don't go out and be like oh i'm so nervous i've never done this before like just you can't let

00:47:18.780 them know that yeah he was like you just have to go right into it yeah just go right into it he's

00:47:22.160 like or you can say something about me because he introduced me obviously and when he did like a

00:47:26.540 lot of people were really excited because we have a lot of crossover in our audiences too but like

00:47:31.040 most of them were just there for caleb yeah and so even when he when i came out i was just like

00:47:36.280 bigger cheer than caleb love that hey guys make sure everyone laughs my jokes and i even told caleb

00:47:41.300 like if no one laughs i got a backup plan that's gonna ruin everyone's night so it's in everyone's best

00:47:46.200 interest and it's in my back pocket and it's hidden under all of your chairs right so everyone

00:47:53.100 better be nice to me when i do it but yeah i admire you a lot for doing that many i need to do like go

00:47:59.200 and watch more open mics because i know it's different but i love stand-up i've watched stand-up

00:48:02.900 forever no yeah i feel like my the comedy that i enjoy isn't really even necessarily stand-up i like

00:48:09.980 love like nathan fielder oh yeah and like that type of i think that practical comedy totally is

00:48:17.140 like kind of funnier yeah i love dax flame i think he's fucking hilarious he is so funny i don't think

00:48:24.200 i know who that is he just like he'll go up to people at target and he'll be like um today we're

00:48:28.260 doing the funny face challenge and he'll be like and it's like the most uncomfortable video i've ever

00:48:32.980 watched and he'll be like he'll be like i have ten dollars and i'm gonna put it on this tree and

00:48:37.880 try to get it and then like it'll just be like a guy in the park trying to get the ten dollars and

00:48:42.020 he'll like wrestle with him and he's just like this really awkward like white guy he's so good it

00:48:47.520 reminds me of that girl on tiktok that she did that one video where she was like would you mind

00:48:52.920 recording me yeah second and then she was like what was the first one days that she did in the

00:48:58.000 grocery store do you remember i just remember she's like stop recording me no no no she literally

00:49:02.980 like she starts singing but she's really bad and she's like she's really trying to sing like she

00:49:09.380 means it like she's like trying to sing she's like can you record me and she's in like a walmart

00:49:13.400 and she starts doing it and like she starts crying because she's laughing so hard like she's trying not

00:49:18.860 to laugh so she's crying and she's like oh and it's like so bad and the guy recording is going nice

00:49:25.220 you just hear and then she starts crying because she's laughing so hard and she goes thank you and

00:49:30.300 she like takes it back and he goes you're welcome and he just walks i love shit like that i like

00:49:35.260 i it's actually really i love public pranks like and it's so immature but i love it there's these

00:49:41.480 like guys that they'll do like street interviews in new york and they'll just like throw water

00:49:45.600 balloons at people and then like turn around oh my god it's so stupid but it's so funny like i'm

00:49:50.860 so sorry one guy i've seen on tiktok and he he goes in a mall like he hangs out in a mall i don't

00:49:57.520 i've seen him and he asks people do you speak spanish and he asks in spanish and then a lot

00:50:03.180 of times they say yeah like if they do they're like yeah and in spanish he says move if you're gay

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00:51:08.520 for details please play responsibly yeah have you seen yes and when i'm high and i'm watching you i'm like

00:51:16.020 i'm like bitch you're not gonna catch me and i laugh because men are so homophobic that they're like

00:51:24.800 you're not fucking getting there for three and a half hours until they're there until his battery dies

00:51:30.780 on that phone frozen it's the black beetles challenge remember that so oh black beetles yeah

00:51:36.160 the black beetles challenge inspired the move or your gay challenge

00:51:42.380 the black beetles challenge walks so the move if your gay challenge could run that's right i love that

00:51:51.420 you love a niche a niche internet call out oh yeah i love it's so like like the the smallest most mundane

00:52:00.220 thing no like um or it's like horrific and people seem to forget i yeah i feel like i quote things

00:52:08.000 like the moody liar do you know what the moody liar is yodeling hayley was talking about this and i had

00:52:13.260 just got it like kind of out of my vocab and now it's back the moody liar is from a song that someone

00:52:19.340 sang over a michael jackson song and it's like am i strange because everyone says i have to show you

00:52:26.240 if you know you know i like saying that or like saying that's the lemon boy do you know what that

00:52:31.540 is do you know who that is it's this i think day um that is like just crazy it's like it's like time

00:52:43.360 to get the lemons and like it's the most insane like it's like come on like be normal for two fucking

00:52:51.220 seconds it's really bad or yeah no there is one vine that i've quoted before and like only recently

00:52:59.580 which is a little humiliating on my part um did someone ask me where is that like from something

00:53:05.460 like you know how you say something so often that eventually yeah someone's like hey what's going on

00:53:10.000 yeah like is everything cool with you what's that about yeah like is that in reference to something

00:53:14.080 am i supposed to understand and it was a vine and this guy's recording like his little cousins or

00:53:19.440 his friend they're like little girls they're probably like 11 uh-huh he's recording them

00:53:23.800 and he goes where y'all going and then she goes why you need to know all of my pussy boy yep i say

00:53:30.080 that so often and no one knows what the fuck i'm talking about you're all over my pussy boy the way

00:53:35.500 i literally told that to at least nine people and none of them knew they're all like and i said it

00:53:40.380 once to my cousin adam who does my hair and makeup and he laughs so hard at shit like that and

00:53:45.120 your cousin does your hair and makeup yeah side note period i love that yeah you have the whole

00:53:50.360 family around yeah he's actually related to me some people think i make that shit up i'm not kidding

00:53:53.800 there's so many you come with an army yeah just my family every every time i see you it's like

00:53:59.540 all of your family yeah they're like oh it's a posse it's my mom and dad and my sister well it's

00:54:05.260 girl my parents i'm like you're gonna stay over there mommy's gonna do her work okay like i but

00:54:14.700 yeah anyways yeah my cousin adam no he loves jokes like that so i and he remembers the most random

00:54:19.800 like niche memes oh i just thought of another one but i said that once and he goes did you make that

00:54:24.020 up and i was like no it's from a fucking vine nobody remembers the other one is um i'll get was

00:54:29.900 it carl bismarck on your ass remember that one motherfucker yeah do you know um do you know

00:54:37.080 there's this one girl and it's like this old lady and in 2020 the only way i can describe it is she was

00:54:44.340 on like a terrorization world tour at different walmarts and she would go and she'd be like you

00:54:50.360 motherfuckers and she would like stop cars and be like there was one where she was like baba baby baba

00:54:56.200 baby and she's like and she's like motherfucker like it's just this old lady everywhere she goes

00:55:02.100 she is pissed and like she's screaming she's called like the marjorie lady or something i forgot what

00:55:08.240 it is the baba baby thing sounds familiar it's so good like and she just is pissed off at all

00:55:15.020 moments of the day and she is ready to fucking be pissed and i was going in ready to be mad yeah i

00:55:21.900 love it i love shit like that like that's why sometimes when people say stuff i'll go

00:55:26.120 he's dead just to be funny and literally just me my sister and my cousin adam are the only ones who

00:55:32.880 seem to remember that name oh i remember i'm like that's one of the funniest things ever

00:55:36.420 because it's just so random he's like go ahead i don't even know who that is

00:55:41.060 i like i i also will say things like ironically that are like so or like my david who's over there

00:55:53.140 like he'll just randomly like dab you know which one i'm bringing back i told brenny this a while

00:55:58.400 ago i'm bringing this back oh yeah oh yeah so whenever boy boy or just being like just out of

00:56:07.080 nowhere i mean like that shit is so embarrassing literally i would just go like so i was on a late

00:56:16.440 night show i was on after midnight like last week and i told my i made a joke to my sister that i was

00:56:21.320 going like this over the little partition like when i got their ass with a joke i'd be like

00:56:25.620 it's so good and they wouldn't get it so good and they some people just don't get it

00:56:33.900 right now i've been going me like a minion that sounds like that sounds like a britney thing

00:56:40.660 no she she worships the minions i'm so pissed off because britney responds every four days

00:56:50.220 yeah and by the time she's responded i've already sent her so much shit that she's like i'm not

00:56:54.900 capacity girl yeah like i i sent her an audio message and when i send her audio messages i start

00:57:00.600 and i'm like actually fucking listen to this bitch god and then i like go into what i actually have to

00:57:05.920 say because i know she doesn't want to hear it like it's always and it's always never it's never

00:57:10.620 important yeah and then i'll be like you have to watch this video and it's like an old lady like

00:57:15.580 touching her boobs and like being i send the worst most god forsaken memes to her all the time i was

00:57:22.060 to be fair i send them to everyone anyone who will listen now i'm gonna add you to that there's there's

00:57:26.340 this one um photo because i was i was thinking about this i've been trying really hard not to be a

00:57:31.900 hater recently and how's that going not well you're you're tweaking it's it's it's so fucking

00:57:40.580 hard because i don't think i'm a hateful person no i and okay here's the thing i'm not hating

00:57:46.600 someone in a way where i'm like i fucking hate them like you're disgusting like i'm not mean in

00:57:51.200 that way but i'm a hater in the way where i'm like it's fun girl yeah you know what i mean i totally

00:57:56.780 know what you mean it's like i don't know his interlude on here she said there's a difference

00:57:59.820 between being a hater and being a loser she's like losers hate for no reason and they hate out

00:58:03.640 of jealousy and envy she's being a hater is fun like if you want to hate things that are silly

00:58:08.020 and they're not hard like it's not harmful but exactly yeah i get um but there's this one photo

00:58:13.320 a tasteful hater i need to fucking find this photo because there is actually let me just say there's

00:58:18.720 one person that i absolutely fucking hate there is one there is one i hate this person you can tell

00:58:24.640 me after and i'll tell you right now and like let's get into it because and i always feel so

00:58:31.880 fucking incredible whenever i tell someone i hate this person because i've and this is why i don't

00:58:36.320 feel bad everyone doesn't like this person yeah and it's just even better because they are just

00:58:41.280 nasty and rotted and mean and like evil and i bet i hate them and i always and i feel like you do i

00:58:47.240 always send this photo to britney do you know who that is do you know who that is yes i know who

00:58:57.300 that fucking is ian i didn't know you hated that person i did not know that i can't stand

00:59:04.120 stand that person i will say this i get it and the best ever i get why britney's on everyone's

00:59:11.640 close friends so when i hate someone i'm like let me know like what's happening like please

00:59:19.540 she's like can you stop i'm not doing that i love when i get i get added to close friends

00:59:26.480 a lot and i said some of you should not have me on there yeah because i am talking about it yeah i

00:59:34.620 will tell like i will tell those stories to anyone who will listen yeah there's one person

00:59:40.980 there's one person that has a crazy close friend story like 50 a day and like like this person

00:59:48.900 i'm not kidding is like always like off their fucking rocker and i'll tell this person that

00:59:53.360 so it's not like shade but i'm like i'll literally be like you just have to not think about this this

00:59:57.820 like they'll freak the fuck out and i'm like you need to just calm down for a second chill you need

01:00:02.600 to like it is crazy there are some people whose close friends i've been added to where i'm like hey

01:00:07.600 take me out of this i don't need to be in here or when people i really don't need to be in here

01:00:13.060 because people probably add you because they're like trying to like get something or like get

01:00:17.120 probably these are like creators like i get added to fans close friends too which is extra strange

01:00:24.060 but like who i don't follow but like like creators like celebrities like big people like they'll add me

01:00:29.980 to that shit and sometimes i'm like hey go ahead and take me out like i don't i don't need to see

01:00:34.420 this i had one girl that like came up to me at a club i was at tenet and we were talking we were

01:00:42.880 we were like we were getting along and i was like doing my thing i was kind of like i was kind of

01:00:47.540 being shady like talking my shit because i was like new friend alert like she's a vibe love you

01:00:52.140 like um and at the end of the night i'm like what's your instagram i go to follow her

01:00:58.180 and i see green on her story so she already put she already no oh she followed you like from a

01:01:06.320 while ago and there was dms to me from like 2020 and i was already on her close friend story and i'm

01:01:13.260 like i just talked so much shit to you it was so bad i was like still on there i don't know i think

01:01:18.740 i was like okay girl see you around and i never talked to her again it was yeah it was rough your

01:01:26.300 brain fascinates me thank you your brain fast i'm actually like really um scared right now

01:01:32.940 okay just something happened to me the other day and it's like all i can think about there might be

01:01:38.020 naked photos of me out there you're getting in front of it here i'm just gonna i'm just gonna put

01:01:43.700 it on the runway um so i went to this coffee shop and i was sitting down doing my little work

01:01:51.740 and i go into the bathroom okay and i have my headphones on and when it was a closed bathroom

01:02:00.020 it was like there was no single person bathroom gotcha and when i am in a single person bathroom

01:02:04.680 that is my time to do what i need to do yeah you know what i mean i'm walking around i'm doing a

01:02:09.220 couple poses yeah that's when you like unzip and you're a lizard inside yes i have

01:02:13.680 my headphones on i'm like someone's like banging on the door i'm like that's your time because i

01:02:19.860 need to like stim and get it out like i just i need to get it out of your system yes yeah so you

01:02:25.600 can be normal i go to the bathroom do my business and then i leave the bathroom and like 15 minutes

01:02:34.220 later the police walk in and i'm like okay and so they come up to me i have my headphones on they're

01:02:40.560 like were you just in that bathroom and i was like no obviously i'm not because i'm like what

01:02:46.860 do they want like no and the guy looks at me he goes oh good because someone hit a camera in there

01:02:54.000 and we think it might be live streaming or being uploaded somewhere

01:02:58.680 and i was like so are you afraid of being caught nude are you afraid of being caught being your real

01:03:06.340 self this is what i'm afraid of is because when i was done shitting because you can see my balls

01:03:11.640 taint ass that's not the embarrassing part i had my let my pants down my legs and i had my headphones in

01:03:18.400 and i had just wiped and i was listening to good luck babe by chop around i stood up

01:03:25.440 um jeans on the ankle going

01:03:28.380 flaccid penis out dangling around going everywhere

01:03:35.540 mind you flaccid penis out like mind you like

01:03:41.820 like when you're like i'm next while your jeans are around your ankles while my jeans are around my

01:03:47.540 ankles like and so there might be a naked video of me on the dark web of me lip-syncing for my life

01:03:56.080 to chop around with my balls and then someone else is on there going oh i know this guy he used to put

01:04:01.980 toes on youtube he's great i fucking love this guy he did the egyptian footstool challenge for my

01:04:07.580 niece that had cancer he's awesome

01:04:09.280 it's yeah oh my god and i'm just so worried guttural shock and horror because i don't care if my

01:04:22.380 if my taint is out there it's out there but the dancing naked is where i'm and are you singing out

01:04:30.180 loud oh yeah yeah because it's loud in that coffee shop it's like one of those like the barista has like

01:04:36.100 pronoun pins 100 gex is blasting it's like like the worst hyperpop ever it's in bushwick so like

01:04:42.660 it's just like crazy it's like 360 by charlie yeah blast yeah and everyone's like doing their work

01:04:49.020 at their like fake jobs they're all freelancing and they're like i'm everywhere i'm so julia

01:04:53.600 like no one is getting a single task done they're just like yeah we'll loop back

01:04:59.160 so julia like they're not doing shit oh you're in there dancing a chapel and i'm in there

01:05:06.260 kissing 100 boys in cars and

01:05:08.540 what you should be afraid of instead is someone seeing your undeniable talent and then you just

01:05:17.580 get so rich and famous that is so true simon call is like are you the flaccid penis guy

01:05:22.200 from the bathroom terry cruz asked you to come on america's got talent but you don't make it

01:05:27.720 i'm traumatizing i always wanted to audition when i was i was gonna say

01:05:32.840 you look like someone that would want to audition for specifically america's got you're like you look

01:05:38.100 like someone audition for anything i would audition specifically america's got talent

01:05:42.940 because it's real open-ended you could do whatever you want that is so true it just has

01:05:47.500 to be talent and what is talent it's truly in the eye of the beholder so that is so true i think i

01:05:54.740 know what's not talent well only i can determine what's not exactly but people can't tell me what's

01:06:00.240 not talent exactly obvious okay well that being said my last question for you i haven't asked you

01:06:06.800 a single one my last question for you because obviously we talked about stand-up and i know that's

01:06:12.960 like really you shine so bright like you are so fucking funny i can't i should have said that in

01:06:18.020 the beginning but you just took off so fast sorry that's okay i i didn't even have any caffeine or i

01:06:22.800 had a diet coke i i just like to talk i'm sorry no you're totally fine i love it and i just i find

01:06:28.820 you so unbelievably funny i've also i didn't get a chance to say this but i've been a fan of you

01:06:32.200 online for a while well before i had a platform thank you yeah so i wasn't your fan at first i'm not

01:06:37.820 gonna lie yeah i came up after you but i blew right past you didn't i you know what okay and

01:06:45.260 let me let me address it i didn't hate you at all i'm i was just nasty evil and balding and i thought

01:06:52.760 i was next oh and i just didn't know what was gonna happen yeah but then i saw that flaccid penis video

01:06:57.700 i said wait a second get that girl in my office i gotta talk to her we have to talk we have to make

01:07:02.700 i can make you a star girl that's right this is our version of a casting couch that's right you

01:07:08.980 and me right here we're living it can you guys leave for a second can i have the room please

01:07:13.800 but i i would love seriously to um if you have any tips for anyone who's looking to get into comedy

01:07:19.360 whether it's like internet comedy or they're trying to transition maybe they want to do stand-up like

01:07:23.420 what would you say is your best piece of advice for them i would say just do it like just go to

01:07:30.180 open mics don't be embarrassed to if you're like on social media transitioning to comedy yeah like

01:07:36.600 actually learn what you want to do actually make sure that it's something you want to do because i

01:07:42.660 go to some of these open mics and i'm sorry some of you guys have to quit yeah because it's also just

01:07:48.180 like people online sometimes they do comedy and it's just like it's just not the same it's like twitter

01:07:52.200 jokes i'm like girl i've kind of heard the same concept online exactly um but my piece of advice

01:07:57.940 would be just actually care about what you're doing yeah and like it'll be fine absolutely and

01:08:02.580 just practice yeah totally i i need to take that fucking advice if i'm being honest come to new york

01:08:08.680 period i know i don't honestly my manager is it's such a new york and there's so much comedy over

01:08:13.580 there it's like almost exhausting well i have to come see you when you're uh doing stand-up have a

01:08:18.960 show july 18th period i have and well now everyone else knows too that you have a show july yeah come

01:08:25.000 down july 18th to who size two beautiful women can't host a comedy show by my friends vivian and

01:08:31.700 roxanne and it's what a kick-ass name right and then i'm the man on there i'm like sure i go on

01:08:39.080 stage i'm like look i've been transvestigated on the internet one time and i'm not letting it happen

01:08:47.440 again i literally had a whole thread about me made one time where people were zooming in on my penis

01:08:52.820 and sweatpants and they were like look he doesn't have a penis

01:08:56.020 and that video of you singing chapel wrong would beg to prove them all wrong yeah it'll prove all

01:09:02.940 your haters wrong right thank you so much for coming on the show i adore you you're so funny

01:09:09.820 thank you so much for having me oh my gosh i came here for you period i got my flight on

01:09:15.020 skiplagged and i said let's go i showed up to the airport they said are you going to sacramento i

01:09:20.540 said yes i am you bet your goddamn ass that is right thank you so much for coming on the show thank

01:09:26.080 you all for watching us where can everybody find you you can find me on social media at ian is ugly

01:09:32.980 with two eyes and by the time this comes out i will have my sub stack launch where i kind of go more

01:09:40.080 into the um fetish story like i have like a whole thing that i wrote about it yeah and it's ugly

01:09:48.620 world with two y's dot sub stack dot com u g l y y w o r l t it's not looking sorry it's hard it's

01:09:56.840 hard to spell it's hard to spell it'll be in my bio it's not looking good for that spelling bee

01:10:00.160 fuck you're right i need to practice you struggled with the word word

01:10:04.180 fuck we're gonna get there it's all right you'll get there these are your reps this is you practicing

01:10:09.380 ian's one of the funniest people alive so please make sure you go follow ian if you don't already on

01:10:13.660 everything and make sure you go see him in new york in july 18th you said that is right at a

01:10:18.660 comedy show and just you'll follow him everywhere then you'll know when he's going and doing shit

01:10:22.640 and then see you in new york period they already know that i'm like that's me please i'm like say

01:10:27.940 it on camera i'm badgering the fuck out of them about me going on tour y'all already know that and

01:10:32.160 if you're not coming to see me you're dead to me anyway you both are going right yes me and days

01:10:36.260 we're doing it together but it's gonna be a key and thank you so much for joining us on this episode

01:10:40.200 you're the best thank you so much for watching this episode of the comment section don't forget

01:10:43.820 new episodes come out every wednesday you can stream the audio on all streaming platforms or you can watch

01:10:48.240 the video for free exclusively on spotify and don't forget i listened to your bitching and your moaning

01:10:54.000 and now the old episodes are on replay fridays on the past your bedtime youtube channel one day i'm not

01:11:00.460 gonna fuck that one up one day just not today anyways thank you so much for joining us thank

01:11:04.880 you so much to my amazing guest ian and i'll see you next week bye

The Comment Section with Drew Afualo - August 14, 2024

MOVE IF YOU’RE GAY Ft. Ian Smith

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