The Golden One - December 23, 2014


Nord of Skyrim Chapter 8


Episode Stats

Length

33 minutes

Words per Minute

113.986984

Word Count

3,783

Sentence Count

270

Misogynist Sentences

8

Hate Speech Sentences

28


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Greetings you proud sons of Makedon and welcome back to good old Skyrim. Last episode we met a
00:00:16.740 gorgeous girl who also let us meet her father and her father was a bit of a cunt to be honest
00:00:23.700 but either way we're heading back to the glorious Fort Dawnguard look how fucking juicy that is
00:00:31.720 to talk to our main true friend Ishan brah and we will in all actuality see what to do next.
00:00:43.260 Greetings true friends. Oh that was a fair maiden. Greetings fair maiden. She also had a very cool
00:00:49.020 armor. I want one of those. I'm gonna see. Oh look at that. Shut your insolent mouth.
00:01:03.020 How dare you talk to me like that. One more time.
00:01:08.160 Okay so they have had the audacity to attack us here. The bloody vampires. How dare they.
00:01:21.360 How dare they true friends. Hello Ishan you're looking fucking juicy.
00:01:31.300 Sickening.
00:01:31.860 It's the price we pay for openly recruiting. We'll have to step up our defenses.
00:01:38.160 I don't suppose you have some good news for me.
00:01:40.400 I have news but I wouldn't call it good. Of course. Why did I suppose differently. Fine. Tell me what you know.
00:01:49.400 I like his voice. It looks. It sounds cool. That doesn't make any sense.
00:01:55.160 Who is she? Who is she? Who is she? More importantly where is she?
00:01:59.160 I took her to a castle. I'm waiting to hear what any of this means.
00:02:06.160 They also have an elder scroll. True friend.
00:02:10.160 They what? You didn't stop them. You didn't secure the scroll.
00:02:15.160 I did not. I'm sorry.
00:02:17.160 Right. So they have this woman and an elder scroll.
00:02:23.160 They have. I can confirm this to be true.
00:02:25.160 This couldn't get much worse. This is more than you and I can handle.
00:02:31.160 We need more. We have to do something.
00:02:34.160 Well of course we do. I'm old. Not stupid. We are just going to need some help.
00:02:41.160 We have to recruit. We've been old enough to attend here and this may be bigger than I thought.
00:02:46.160 I have good men here. There are people I've met and worked with over the years.
00:02:51.160 We need their skills. Their talents. If we're going to survive this.
00:02:56.160 If you can find them. We might have a chance.
00:02:59.160 I'm on it. Where can I find them?
00:03:03.160 That's a good point aren't you? I like that. Not like those fools in the order.
00:03:08.160 We should keep it small. Too many people and we'll draw on wanted attention.
00:03:12.160 Admire my armor by the way. Juicy.
00:03:15.160 Serene Girard. Breton girl. Whip smart and good with tinkering. Fascination with the Dwemer. Weapons in particular.
00:03:23.160 Serene Girard. That sounds like a juicy.
00:03:26.160 Convinced she was about to find the biggest Dwarven ruins yet.
00:03:31.160 Might need a little convincing. But she should.
00:03:35.160 You'll also want to find Gunmar. Big brood of a Nord. Hates vampires almost as many people.
00:03:41.160 I like that. Big brood of a Nord. Gunmar.
00:03:44.160 He says back that his experience with animals will help. Trolls in particular.
00:03:49.160 Ah. How about that. Juicy troll of true friends.
00:03:54.160 Bring the two of them back here. And we can get started on coming.
00:03:59.160 Alright cool.
00:04:06.160 Well at least you're smart enough to want to learn more.
00:04:10.160 By the way I'm in the Library of Wisdom. As you perhaps can see.
00:04:17.160 In all actuality.
00:04:18.160 I just trained heavy armor. Because I thought it would be a cool thing to level a bit further.
00:04:31.160 Alright so. Let us head to Gunmar the Juicy Nord of Wisdom.
00:04:37.160 A big brood can only mean that he's juicy ass. Fuck.
00:04:42.160 So yeah. Back in.
00:04:46.160 Good old. I'm gonna find a way out there.
00:04:48.160 I don't know where I can do that exactly.
00:04:54.160 Can we consult the map perhaps?
00:04:57.160 Local map?
00:05:01.160 Blackbriar Meadery. How about that.
00:05:04.160 And look at good old Riften. Always a pleasure to be in this fine place. In all actuality.
00:05:17.160 Yeah. I'm in the Library of Wisdom over Christmas.
00:05:21.160 Also to eat some food.
00:05:24.160 Hello Might.
00:05:25.160 I actually don't want anything in particular. I just want to get out from Riften.
00:05:36.160 In all actuality.
00:05:38.160 Ah there we are. Open Skyrim.
00:05:44.160 Is in all actuality what is up.
00:05:48.160 So yeah. Obviously Christmas is.
00:06:05.160 Is a lot about gaming as well.
00:06:08.160 Gaming and going to the gym.
00:06:11.160 That is my interpretation of the.
00:06:17.160 Of the.
00:06:20.160 Of the festivities.
00:06:22.160 Of those holidays.
00:06:24.160 And by the way if you say happy holidays.
00:06:26.160 You're gay as fuck.
00:06:27.160 It's Merry Christmas or Good Jule.
00:06:30.160 And Good Jule obviously.
00:06:32.160 Because it's a.
00:06:33.160 Pagan tradition to begin with.
00:06:35.160 That.
00:06:37.160 That Christmas.
00:06:39.160 That Christmas.
00:06:40.160 Was incorporated in.
00:06:42.160 Um.
00:06:43.160 So not the way.
00:06:44.160 Other way around.
00:06:45.160 So obviously Jesus wasn't born.
00:06:47.160 Oh fuck. There's a bear.
00:06:49.160 Um.
00:06:50.160 Fuck.
00:06:52.160 Shut.
00:06:53.160 Your insolent mouth.
00:07:01.160 Yeah. So.
00:07:02.160 So Jesus wasn't born like.
00:07:04.160 In uh.
00:07:05.160 In the middle of.
00:07:11.160 At the end of December I mean.
00:07:13.160 I'm trying to run from a fucking bear here.
00:07:16.160 Alright. So yeah.
00:07:17.160 Uh. Christmas.
00:07:18.160 Was not.
00:07:19.160 The case.
00:07:22.160 That.
00:07:25.160 Ah. Come on. Fuck off now.
00:07:27.160 I'm trying to.
00:07:28.160 Tell a story here.
00:07:29.160 Fucking bears.
00:07:30.160 Ah.
00:07:31.160 Yes.
00:07:32.160 As I was saying.
00:07:33.160 Christmas.
00:07:34.160 Sickening.
00:07:35.160 Was.
00:07:36.160 In all actuality.
00:07:37.160 At the end of December.
00:07:38.160 For the particular reason of.
00:07:40.160 That was.
00:07:41.160 An ancient pagan ritual.
00:07:42.160 Then and there.
00:07:43.160 So.
00:07:44.160 My point with this.
00:07:45.160 Um.
00:07:46.160 Highly.
00:07:47.160 Mmm.
00:07:48.160 Mmm.
00:07:49.160 In.
00:07:50.160 In.
00:07:51.160 In.
00:07:52.160 Inconsistent little speech.
00:07:53.160 Because I got interrupted by fucking bears all the time.
00:07:54.160 Was that.
00:07:55.160 Uh.
00:07:56.160 In.
00:07:57.160 In.
00:07:58.160 Christmas is originally a pagan.
00:07:59.160 Fine.
00:08:00.160 You there.
00:08:01.160 Hold fast.
00:08:02.160 Hello.
00:08:03.160 Hello.
00:08:04.160 Hello.
00:08:05.160 Hello.
00:08:06.160 Hello.
00:08:07.160 I'm sorry.
00:08:08.160 No.
00:08:09.160 No.
00:08:10.160 No.
00:08:11.160 No.
00:08:12.160 No.
00:08:13.160 No.
00:08:14.160 No.
00:08:15.160 No.
00:08:16.160 No.
00:08:17.160 No.
00:08:18.160 No.
00:08:19.160 No.
00:08:20.160 No.
00:08:21.160 No.
00:08:22.160 No.
00:08:23.160 No.
00:08:24.160 No.
00:08:25.160 No.
00:08:26.160 No.
00:08:27.160 No.
00:08:28.160 No.
00:08:29.160 No.
00:08:34.160 Heathron.
00:08:35.160 No.
00:08:36.160 No.
00:08:37.160 No.
00:08:38.160 No.
00:08:39.160 No.
00:08:40.160 No.
00:08:41.160 No.
00:08:42.160 No.
00:08:43.160 No.
00:08:44.160 No.
00:08:45.160 No.
00:08:46.160 No.
00:08:47.160 No.
00:08:48.160 No.
00:08:49.160 No.
00:08:50.160 No.
00:08:51.160 No.
00:08:52.160 No.
00:08:53.160 No.
00:08:54.160 No.
00:08:55.160 No.
00:08:56.160 No.
00:08:57.160 No.
00:08:58.160 well that might change things quite so what's going on by the eight by the eight divines i'll
00:09:08.320 consider it but i can't just leave this bear to prey on more innocent people once it's dealt with
00:09:13.680 then perhaps i'll see what i'll deal with it all right then all right you proud sons of macedon
00:09:24.000 oh look at that what that was cool okay let us this is gonna be one big bear i assure you
00:09:32.880 so ah look at that he has wolves with him as well for the glory of sparta
00:09:54.560 that was literally just a dog all right come on then don't know how well i'd have managed by myself
00:10:02.720 not at all not at all you've helped me so i suppose the least i can do is find out what
00:10:07.520 eastron wants he's still at that fort near standar's beacon i assume
00:10:13.840 quite so indeed he's been working on that place for years now
00:10:18.160 except for juicy pale orcs i guess i'll get to see what he's been up to all this time
00:10:27.520 i'll meet you there sickening sickening look at this some sort of shrine
00:10:36.000 shrine of kynaret how quaint my all my illnesses were um disappeared okay let us
00:10:51.040 find serene gerard wow that that was far away from everything
00:10:59.040 i guess i'll utilize a quick little edit then
00:11:09.120 all right utilize a quick little edit there until we got to this
00:11:12.400 mighty fine place look at the graphics that is sick sickening greetings fair maiden
00:11:19.680 but you haven't seen a sack full of drawers lying around have you i swear i left it right here
00:11:26.240 okay do you think mud crabs might have taken it they might just have taken it in all actuality
00:11:35.040 sick look around will you okay fine
00:11:38.320 yes no you must be mistaken he made it exceedingly clear the last time we spoke well he has changed his mind
00:11:51.920 i find it hard to believe he's changed his mind he said some very hurtful things to me before i left
00:11:58.240 anyway i'm quite happy in my current pursuits so if you'll excuse me she's she's trying to play hard to
00:12:06.320 get that that's exactly what it is oh and i suppose now he remembers that i proposed no less than three
00:12:13.200 different scenarios that involved vampires overrunning the population well what are they up to they are
00:12:21.680 killing everyone they have an elder scroll well that's actually something i never would have anticipated
00:12:28.480 quite so i'm not sure what they would do with one but in this case this run is probably correct in
00:12:36.000 thinking it isn't good all right if nothing else i suppose it wouldn't hurt to learn more about
00:12:42.400 what's going on so i can better defend myself quite so indeed i'll help you fair maiden i will look my hair
00:12:51.440 one intact one so either i need to find the satchel those mud
00:12:57.120 or i need another gyro from some place you wouldn't happen to have one would you
00:13:05.840 i'm sorry but i'm not about to do that with at least a single gyro to show for my efforts
00:13:10.560 i understand that but i really can't leave here okay one usable piece of door i understand a single
00:13:20.240 gyro would be enough i think believe me this is i will um i will find you one
00:13:28.800 farewell okay look at this place though it's so amazing i love love skyrim okay empty of course
00:13:41.360 oh look at this look at this dwemer gyro
00:13:51.760 i can only carry one but she will follow us either way hello
00:14:02.720 but now i have usable piece of dwarven equipment
00:14:06.080 a single gyro would be enough i think believe me this is useful stuff
00:14:16.080 thank you it's not much but this will help a great deal with some things i've been researching
00:14:21.600 sickening sickening sickening to say the least
00:14:27.680 for dawn god i love the name by the way dawn god sounds cool
00:14:33.760 sounds bench for the hench i'll finish up here and head in that direction as soon as i can see you there
00:14:40.000 i will indeed see you there oh um oh fair maiden of wisdom now let's talk to our main man
00:14:50.160 juicy easton
00:14:51.600 that sounds like a very good plan to my ears actually oh i can't really see anything either
00:15:01.760 i can't see a thang
00:15:17.920 time to use clairvoyance
00:15:20.560 i was gonna say time to use my powers of tolerance and progressive thinking
00:15:36.880 as the sweden jess joke goes i i enjoy sweden jess jokes because i know that
00:15:44.080 they can't be applied to me because i'm against the the horrible swedish beta leftist policies
00:15:53.920 as i'm sure every single one of you true friends watching this are
00:16:03.040 i don't think particularly many
00:16:05.200 beta leftists are playing skyrim either because they only have mac computers and being hipsters
00:16:15.360 and not very juicy at all they don't go to the gym either because then that would mean that they
00:16:21.120 have to you know physically exert themselves and um they don't do that the leftists they don't they
00:16:26.960 don't even lift i can confirm this to be true they don't slay vampires either
00:16:33.200 all right hello hello hello
00:16:41.920 what are you doing making sure you're not vampires
00:16:46.160 aha i see
00:16:51.520 thank you i'm sure you've heard a bit of what we're up against thank you based easton unlike anything we've
00:16:57.760 seen before and they have an elder scroll if anyone is going to stand in their way it's going to be
00:17:05.520 us this is all well and good but do we actually know anything about what they're doing what do we do now
00:17:12.480 we'll get to that for now get acquainted with the space juicy
00:17:18.960 sorry you'll find room to start your tinkering on that crossbow design you've been working on
00:17:24.320 gun mom there's an area large enough for you to pin up some trolls get them armored up and ready for use
00:17:31.040 in the meantime we're going to get to the bottom of why a vampire showed up here looking for you
00:17:36.960 let's go have a little chat with him shall we
00:17:42.320 sickening
00:17:52.720 greetings true friend i knew it would come to this one day i knew and no one believed
00:18:10.240 what can i do to help serene needs help with her project to improve our crossbows
00:18:17.920 and if that doesn't interest you speak with gun ma he has something for keep your eyes open
00:18:29.680 all right cool let us head down to um what should i follow him hello again
00:18:40.240 okay so it's a side mission i can actually help uh the juicy fair maiden and the juicy true friend
00:18:47.280 to uh aha let's hear it you're here hello greetings fair maiden you're looking just fine
00:18:55.440 expecting to see me again what are you doing here even i'd rather not be here either but i needed to
00:19:01.280 talk to you talk to him important so please just listen before your friend here loses his patience
00:19:07.920 it's well it's about me and the elder scroll that was buried with me
00:19:14.880 what about the scroll that's the most important thing here not her the reason i had it and why i
00:19:20.080 was down there it all comes back to my father was a bit of a hunt part out already but my father's not
00:19:27.120 exactly a good person even by vampires i can confirm he wasn't always like that though there was
00:19:35.360 a turn he stumbled onto this obscure prophecy and just kind of lost himself in it
00:19:40.960 it's pointless and vague like all prophecies the part he latched onto said that vampires would no longer
00:19:49.520 need to fear the sun that's what he's after he wants to control the sun
00:19:55.600 vampires control the world anyway my mother and i didn't feel like inviting a war with all of tamriel
00:20:02.400 so we tried to stop him that's why i was sealed away with the scroll
00:20:10.560 i'm sorry i had heard there were vampire hunters here i thought they might want to
00:20:14.960 know about a vampire plot to enslave the rest of the world was i wrong that was not fair maiden
00:20:23.040 well let's move then i'm nothing if not persuasive
00:20:26.160 i think she uh she has a cool dress as well you can say that much for her to be honest
00:20:33.440 heard what it has to say now tell me is there any reason i shouldn't kill this blood sucking fiend
00:20:40.160 right now yes of course because we're going to need her help why because of that story about the
00:20:45.360 prophecy about some vampire trying to put the sun out do you actually believe any of that yes i do ishan
00:20:51.920 calm down for god's sake who knows maybe it has a death wish maybe it's just insane i don't really
00:21:00.000 care how dare you can stay for now but if it don't watch as lays a finger on anyone here i'll hold you
00:21:06.400 responsible you got it you hear me don't feel like a guest because you're not you're a resource you're an
00:21:14.800 asset in the meantime don't make me regret my sudden outburst of tolerance and generosity
00:21:21.920 because his powers of tolerance friend here is going to pay for it thank you for your kindness i'll
00:21:28.160 remember it the next time i'm feeling hungry so in case you didn't notice the giant thing on my
00:21:34.560 back i have the elder scroll that is brilliant for me it will have something that can help us stop my
00:21:40.960 father but of course neither of us can read it who can well the moth priests are the only ones i've heard of
00:21:49.680 who can do it they spend years preparing before they start reading though not that it helps us
00:21:54.880 anyway because they're all half a continent away in cyrodiil some imperial scholar arrived in skyrim a few
00:22:02.000 days ago i was staking out the road when i saw him pass by maybe that's your moth priest do you know
00:22:09.360 where he's staying now no and i'm not going to waste men looking we're fighting a war against your
00:22:16.080 kind and i intend to win it you want to find him try talking to anyone who'd meet a traveler
00:22:23.040 innkeepers and carriage drivers in the big cities maybe but you're on your own all right that sounds
00:22:29.840 all right so we're gonna ask around a bit
00:22:51.920 i've been really wanting to get out and explore do it main does it main
00:22:59.840 all righty then all righty then true friends
00:23:13.360 all right so we're actually here at the winterhold the college of winterhold and it's looking juicy
00:23:19.200 as always come on fair maiden so we're gonna talk to someone who might tell us where a good old
00:23:30.960 moth priest of wisdom might be so we're gonna go to the arcanium and we've been here before
00:23:38.160 and we highly respect the librarian here because he has the proper idea of books and how to treat them
00:23:45.200 i don't hundreds of years have gone into a moth priest what an oblivion do you need a moth
00:23:50.640 you just want to talk to him my business is my own just tell me what i need to know fine fine no
00:23:56.640 need to get your bridges in a twist the obvious answer is to go to the imperial city the moth priest
00:24:03.040 make their home in the white glorious milk of wisdom go out looking for elder scrolls lucky for you
00:24:08.880 there's a moth priest in skyrim right now doing just that yeah sickening to do some research in the
00:24:14.960 library then left for dragon bridge if you hurry you might catch him there okay true friend you need
00:24:22.400 a book you talk to me otherwise you're going to find yourself in a lot of pain
00:24:27.040 look at that look at that greetings okay let's get the out of here let's go to dragon bridge uh true
00:24:39.280 friends let us go there and one of the truest feels about balkan is just game and drink a lot of milk
00:24:49.200 and that's one of the best weight gain i've said this before i will keep saying it because that's the best
00:24:55.280 um thing uh there is in all actuality to uh to drink milk to gain weight because especially if you're
00:25:09.680 gaming and you you feel satisfied in the you know saturated um hunger wise already but if you drink
00:25:17.760 it's easier to get in the calories but you can use juice for example like uh regular like orange juice
00:25:25.600 so not like juice as in as in gear but uh yeah fruit juice okay we gotta fight
00:25:33.760 shot your insolent
00:25:36.160 that's exactly how it goes
00:25:48.640 there you are oh i almost leveled how um how unfortunate that i didn't level all the all the way
00:25:55.920 now ah look at this looks like a japanese orchid tree i've actually never been to japan which
00:26:08.560 um which um which is blasphemous obviously
00:26:15.200 i intend to go some time but it's so far away hello
00:26:19.920 so that was a moth priest then oh look at this bridge though long ago with an escort of soldiers
00:26:28.560 they didn't stop just hit it south across the dragon bridge
00:26:31.920 oh right then is that actually is that imperial soldiers okay you foreign scum you're lucky i don't
00:26:44.080 behead you right here for your treachery
00:26:45.920 uh yeah i'm gonna join the rebellion later to slay some imperials
00:26:53.360 and to free skyrim for the true hiking jar little freak
00:26:59.600 but first let us find this moth priest and admire his gains
00:27:04.320 uh look at this ah you imperial dog effects on hellish goals a vampire vampire note let us read it and
00:27:18.960 behold the power of it where is it
00:27:26.800 there we are i have new orders for you prepare an ambush just south of dragon's
00:27:34.240 bridge take the moth priest to four bears hold out for safekeeping until i can break his will
00:27:42.320 malkus sickening sickening
00:27:49.760 let's move faster oh yeah sorry um i actually felt sorry now because uh
00:27:57.280 aha it's it's really close
00:27:59.120 yeah um she obviously as a vampire she don't really fancy being out in the sunlight all too much
00:28:08.640 uh in all actuality so we're gonna speed this up in the game by running as fast as we can
00:28:16.480 get to the cave which i think is here and i want to charge something so i can yell
00:28:27.840 yell talos i love you i will i will i can confirm this to be true that i will yell this
00:28:33.280 well really cool place okay that is a dog you're but a dog tell us i love you
00:28:56.000 uh what's a bit of a failed charge due to be honest i missed my um
00:29:11.680 i missed my first charge but it was glorious nonetheless
00:29:22.960 all right i'm gonna enter power gaming mode for just a minute i think
00:29:41.040 extremely poor
00:29:45.040 extremely poor gameplay by me i must i must admit
00:29:52.960 oh wrong way i think oh here we are hello hello
00:30:08.080 tannos i love you
00:30:22.080 oh fuck i'm complete i'm very close to dying here
00:30:26.800 okay cool i will let them ah fuck it talos
00:30:42.480 mercy to you you're a vampire troll do not expect any mercy from me whatsoever if you cooperate with
00:30:51.600 these fiends okay let us release the moth uh moth priest
00:30:58.480 and we will do this by placing this magic thang right here activate activation yes
00:31:06.480 defeat the enthralled moth priest okay
00:31:30.160 there we are
00:31:30.640 good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good
00:31:40.320 i was fine
00:31:42.240 hello
00:31:42.320 hello
00:31:42.640 i owe you a dead for the timely rest are you all right i am quite all right thanks to you
00:31:46.160 Dexian evakis is my name i'm a moth priest of the white gold tower glorious
00:31:52.400 these vampires clean they had some purpose in store for me but they wouldn't say what
00:31:57.280 Probably hoping to ransom me the fools.
00:32:01.280 For some cash?
00:32:03.280 Alright then, enough mysteries.
00:32:07.280 You have an Elder Scroll. Remarkable.
00:32:11.280 If my knowledge of history serves me, I recall that the Dawn God
00:32:16.280 Thou art quite correct indeed.
00:32:19.280 I will be happy to assist you with your Elder Scroll.
00:32:22.280 Just tell me where I need to go.
00:32:26.280 Very well. I'll hurry on my way there before more of those vampires turn up.
00:32:33.280 Report my success to Ishran.
00:32:37.280 Glorious.
00:32:38.280 I'm gonna see if we can find some cool loot here first.
00:32:44.280 No, not really.
00:32:46.280 Alright, cool true friends.
00:32:50.280 That will actually have to conclude this glorious let's play.
00:32:55.280 And I hope you all are bulking for the Hulk as we speak.
00:33:02.280 Thank you so much for watching.
00:33:04.280 And who am I?
00:33:06.280 The proud son of Sparta.
00:33:09.280 XOXO.