The Golden One - October 11, 2014


Shadow of Mordor Part 5


Episode Stats

Length

26 minutes

Words per Minute

74.626305

Word Count

1,992

Sentence Count

406

Misogynist Sentences

9

Hate Speech Sentences

11


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Greetings, students, and welcome back to Mordo. Last time we escaped a heinous tyrant of a troll, and now we're going to continue with the main quest by doing the Outcast. So let us get straight into it.
00:00:23.720 Let me activate the mission right here. Start mission. Accept. Yes, please.
00:00:31.720 Gobi, please.
00:00:48.720 Ah, look at that. A little guerilla group here in enemy territory.
00:00:54.720 We're wasting precious time. Wasting time. We've learned where they are keeping our blasting powder.
00:01:01.720 What need have I of blasting powder?
00:01:04.720 It's all part of the plan, my friend.
00:01:07.720 Whatever leads us to the Black Hand is why you're more concerned.
00:01:11.720 So anxious to find the Black Hand.
00:01:16.720 And by all means, I will take you to him.
00:01:19.720 Oh shit, it's on now. True friends, it's on now.
00:01:23.720 With any luck, the Uruks have yet to discover the secrets of the blasting powder.
00:01:28.720 We will need to free my men to find out.
00:01:30.720 Do you believe the blasting powder can draw out the Black Hand?
00:01:32.720 I pray so. The enemy gathers at Uruks Hollow, where many of my men are enslaved.
00:01:39.720 I pray Eren too is there.
00:01:41.720 I will handle the Uruks.
00:01:43.720 Perhaps we can take a more stealthy approach and incapacitate them by using their weakness.
00:01:49.720 Grog.
00:01:50.720 That's their blasphemous alcoholic beverage.
00:01:54.720 It's toxic and is good for one thing. Poisoning orcs.
00:01:58.720 Follow me.
00:01:59.720 Let's poison some orcs.
00:02:02.720 Right, cool.
00:02:03.720 When I deserted the Black Gate, I fell sick.
00:02:06.720 It was Eren who nursed me to health.
00:02:08.720 Is she the reason you joined the tribesmen?
00:02:11.720 Of the many, she is my most cherished.
00:02:13.720 There are only so many cabs my wife could have been taken to.
00:02:16.720 Do you believe she will be at this one?
00:02:18.720 My heart says yes.
00:02:20.720 I hope for your sake she is, Hyrgar.
00:02:23.720 Imagine that though. Your fucking wife is captured by some filthy orcs.
00:02:26.720 What a horrible fate.
00:02:42.720 And also, I might mention it, I was going to do a skin care tutorial.
00:02:47.720 Watch for Uruk's. Be careful, Raider.
00:02:51.720 But...
00:02:53.720 My...
00:02:54.720 Svinterga.
00:02:56.720 Downward turn.
00:02:58.720 Which is highly blasphemous.
00:03:04.720 Restore health now.
00:03:07.720 Earthbred.
00:03:12.720 Oh, look!
00:03:18.720 There is a little...
00:03:20.720 A little herb of glory.
00:03:22.720 You...
00:03:25.720 I got...
00:03:26.720 Made it!
00:03:34.720 Hmm...
00:03:36.720 Let me...
00:03:41.720 Let me escape.
00:03:42.720 See if I can hide here.
00:03:43.720 Oh...
00:03:46.720 Okay, no.
00:03:50.720 Let's just go...
00:03:52.720 He can't be taken danger.
00:03:54.720 That's highly blasphemous.
00:03:56.720 Oh, fuck, I went.
00:03:59.720 A severe punch there.
00:04:08.720 Now then. Executed.
00:04:09.720 Busted.
00:04:11.720 Busted of an orc.
00:04:13.720 No!
00:04:14.720 Get yourself!
00:04:15.720 Get up!
00:04:18.720 Sickening!
00:04:20.720 Okay, where...
00:04:22.720 Where were we?
00:04:23.720 Collecting herbs, yes.
00:04:25.720 And I was telling you about my deteriorating skin health.
00:04:29.720 You can perhaps see it.
00:04:31.720 My skin has seen more glorious days.
00:04:33.720 I've been drinking milk like crazy as of late and that's not the best thing to do if you want to keep, you know, your facial aesthetics on top of things.
00:04:48.720 And...
00:04:51.720 You can also look out for stuff like chocolate is fucking horrible for me at least to be eating.
00:04:59.720 Not a good choice.
00:05:00.720 So now I'll try to down the milk consumption a bit for that particular reason.
00:05:13.720 How did you acquire this blasting powder?
00:05:15.720 Blasting powder?
00:05:16.720 It's creating.
00:05:17.720 We took his powder and left him our footprints.
00:05:22.720 Pretty fair if you ask me.
00:05:23.720 You are proving yourself to be a strong leader.
00:05:27.720 For a deserter.
00:05:29.720 That is only because I leave the hard work to men like you.
00:05:31.720 Alright, let's sneak up here.
00:05:44.720 Oh, we're gonna be careful so he doesn't die.
00:05:47.720 See, his health is...
00:05:52.720 Not...
00:05:54.720 The best.
00:05:57.720 Well, it's not bad either, like, but you know, we have to be careful.
00:06:02.720 Better safe than sorry.
00:06:13.720 Oh, look at that.
00:06:14.720 You juicy fucking statue.
00:06:17.720 That is highly glorious.
00:06:20.720 Sip.
00:06:26.720 In Mordor, even the flowers are of death.
00:06:28.720 Mordor.
00:06:29.720 There are far worse things than flowers here.
00:06:35.720 Like juicy pale orcs.
00:06:48.720 That looks like a hub.
00:06:52.720 No, restore health.
00:06:53.720 That's not good at all.
00:06:57.720 Good enough, I mean.
00:06:58.720 It's not good enough.
00:07:00.720 Water back here.
00:07:04.720 Whoop.
00:07:09.720 Whoop.
00:07:11.720 Whoop.
00:07:13.720 Whoa.
00:07:20.720 I'm pressing space board, goddammit.
00:07:22.720 Goddammit.
00:07:30.720 Either it's me or the game is fucking bold sometimes because of impressive space bar.
00:07:34.720 Or...
00:07:39.720 To a sickening fucking extent.
00:07:41.720 But, uh, nothing happens.
00:07:43.720 Oh, well.
00:07:46.720 Perhaps, like, when you crouch in Skyrim, you can't do the fuzzer dog, hopefully.
00:07:51.720 It's just the way it is.
00:07:53.720 Okay, let us go into the juicy elf mood and see...
00:07:58.720 Ah.
00:07:59.720 Nice.
00:08:01.720 Got, um...
00:08:02.720 A little herb here.
00:08:06.720 How nice.
00:08:07.720 Hmm.
00:08:20.720 I thought it impossible Sauron would ever return.
00:08:23.720 Darkness descends upon Mordor.
00:08:26.720 Soon it will be impossible not to succumb.
00:08:30.720 When we realized we couldn't fight the orcs, we started dressing up like slaves.
00:08:35.720 Sneaking into their camps to free the others.
00:08:36.720 That's, uh, glorious.
00:08:37.720 A bold strategy.
00:08:39.720 A bold strategy.
00:08:40.720 Not really.
00:08:41.720 Mostly we'd end up slaves ourselves.
00:08:44.720 At least we came dressed for the part.
00:08:48.720 When I was first rescued by the outcasts, they told me you led the search party for my head.
00:08:54.720 I volunteered.
00:08:56.720 Were you caught, our fellow rangers would have killed you.
00:08:59.720 I could not let you suffer that fate.
00:09:00.720 Yeah, so, this guy's actually a fucking deserter.
00:09:06.720 A stronghold.
00:09:07.720 I'm entering here.
00:09:08.720 Oh, nice.
00:09:09.720 A stronghold.
00:09:11.720 I'm entering here.
00:09:12.720 Nice.
00:09:13.720 A stronghold.
00:09:14.720 A stronghold.
00:09:15.720 I'm entering here.
00:09:16.720 How nice.
00:09:17.720 Stronghold entering here.
00:09:26.300 I'm not this.
00:09:47.720 It will be devastating, I'm sure.
00:09:56.360 Wish I could be this elf instead.
00:09:58.520 He's so beautiful.
00:10:03.520 Herb.
00:10:05.520 Herb.
00:10:12.520 Mm-hmm.
00:10:13.520 Mm.
00:10:15.520 Nice.
00:10:16.520 This is the last one.
00:10:19.520 Pick up.
00:10:23.520 All right, let's go to Uruk's Hollow and wreak some fucking chaos and havoc.
00:10:29.520 All you have to do is drop it into their grog.
00:10:31.520 Will the orcs not smell the poison?
00:10:33.520 No.
00:10:34.520 But if they spot you, I doubt they will drink from it.
00:10:40.520 The Uruk's are stationed by the front gates.
00:10:42.520 For the sake of my men, keep to the shadows.
00:10:45.520 Okay, I'm gonna do a stealth mission.
00:10:47.520 Well, stand ready to seize the blasting powder once the camp is clear.
00:10:51.520 Would be cool if I can manage this in one go without failing the mission.
00:10:56.520 All right.
00:10:57.520 All right.
00:10:58.520 All right.
00:10:59.520 All right, Truefence.
00:11:03.520 All right.
00:11:04.520 All right, Truefence.
00:11:18.520 Oh, he's Rat back there.
00:11:33.520 Oh, nice.
00:11:35.520 All right.
00:11:36.520 I'm gonna try to get...
00:11:50.520 Get around there in some...
00:12:11.520 In some sneaky way.
00:12:14.520 Pretty cool place.
00:12:16.520 Really cool place, actually.
00:12:18.520 Hmm.
00:12:46.520 All right.
00:12:47.520 All right.
00:12:48.520 How nice.
00:12:49.520 I wish I was my dark Elvin Skyrim now.
00:12:53.520 He's better at snaking.
00:12:56.520 I wish I was my dark Elvin Skyrim now.
00:12:57.520 I wish I was my dark Elvin Skyrim now.
00:12:59.520 He's better at snaking.
00:13:03.520 Oh, oh.
00:13:06.520 Oh.
00:13:07.520 Oh.
00:13:08.520 Oh.
00:13:10.520 Oh.
00:13:11.520 All right.
00:13:12.520 I utilized a quick little edit there.
00:13:14.520 Now we're gonna go and poison some Blasphemous Orcs.
00:13:32.520 Let's see if I can stealth kill this bastard.
00:13:37.520 Yes, and now I just don't have to get detected.
00:13:44.520 Well, stealth killing him.
00:14:02.520 Landed about on the wrong side of the box.
00:14:05.520 It's cool, it's fun.
00:14:08.520 Come on, come on, come on. Yes.
00:14:13.520 He was a bit afraid he was gonna turn around and detect us before we manage to stealth kill him.
00:14:24.520 Okay, now. This... this bust that I have to pay for his crimes.
00:14:33.520 There we are.
00:14:34.520 A copper muffler as well. I like that.
00:14:36.520 Something muffled.
00:14:38.520 I want to stealth kill some... two more Orcs.
00:14:57.520 Bonus objective.
00:14:58.520 The only food that's left is a prank for the rock.
00:15:10.520 Sickening.
00:15:11.520 Sickening.
00:15:22.520 Come on then. Yes.
00:15:28.520 Now I wanna go into hiding again.
00:15:30.520 Look at that.
00:15:33.520 Okay, I'm full in eight shots, aren't I?
00:15:38.520 Full moon.
00:15:39.520 How quaint.
00:15:42.520 Okay, I just need one little more Orcs.
00:15:47.520 To get my bonus.
00:15:48.520 Hmm.
00:15:53.520 There is one.
00:15:55.520 Could kill him, actually.
00:16:02.520 And...
00:16:05.520 In a perfect world, I could scroll.
00:16:10.520 I'll scroll over here.
00:16:14.520 But...
00:16:18.520 I'm gonna do that.
00:16:20.520 I'm gonna do like this.
00:16:21.520 I'm gonna do like this.
00:16:29.520 Terrorize them with the...
00:16:30.520 the...
00:16:31.520 the...
00:16:32.520 the...
00:16:33.520 behind instead.
00:16:34.520 Rumors going round say ghouls are the spirits of dead slaves.
00:16:41.520 Okay.
00:16:43.520 You're dumber than you look.
00:16:45.520 Well, if I'm so dumb,
00:16:47.520 then...
00:16:48.520 I was gonna say something cheeky there.
00:16:49.520 Alright, cool.
00:16:50.520 True friends.
00:16:51.520 We're here now.
00:16:52.520 We'll get that busted.
00:16:53.520 There we go.
00:16:54.520 Alright, cool.
00:16:55.520 True friends.
00:16:56.520 We're here now.
00:16:57.520 We'll get that busted.
00:16:58.520 There we go.
00:16:59.520 No.
00:17:00.520 No.
00:17:01.520 Come on, then.
00:17:02.520 Come on, then.
00:17:03.520 Come on, then.
00:17:04.520 No.
00:17:05.520 No.
00:17:06.520 No.
00:17:07.520 No.
00:17:08.520 No.
00:17:09.520 No.
00:17:10.520 No.
00:17:11.520 No.
00:17:12.520 No.
00:17:13.520 No there.
00:17:14.520 No.
00:17:15.520 No.
00:17:21.520 Alright.
00:17:22.520 Now, come on then. Now, no.
00:17:30.520 Oh, no wonder this stuff burns so well.
00:17:36.520 Ah, look! A karagorpa!
00:17:42.520 How unpleasant.
00:17:46.520 Look at that, he's drunk.
00:17:50.520 The poor fool.
00:17:54.520 This will be interesting to see now, poor friends, but what happens?
00:18:10.520 Juicy orcs.
00:18:14.520 Alright!
00:18:20.520 How do they start to fight with each other?
00:18:24.520 How orc-like of them like that.
00:18:32.520 Look at that.
00:18:34.520 Big bad bruiser, though.
00:18:40.520 Sick.
00:18:42.520 Let's continue on.
00:18:46.520 Hello, human.
00:18:48.520 Stand up for yourself.
00:18:50.520 You know what I reckon?
00:18:52.520 I reckon I hate every single one of you fuggies.
00:18:56.520 You ain't the only...
00:18:58.520 Oh, yeah?
00:19:00.520 I bet I hate you!
00:19:02.520 I'll try to get this one.
00:19:20.520 Without being detected, this mission is not the easiest I've done in my life, to be honest.
00:19:26.520 I have done easier things.
00:19:36.520 I have done a lot of easier gaming things than this.
00:19:42.520 Than this particular mission, right here.
00:19:54.520 Now let's get out there before they detect this.
00:19:58.520 Oh, my God.
00:20:10.520 Stupid orcs.
00:20:12.520 They're so silly, aren't they?
00:20:14.520 A little rat there as well.
00:20:16.520 Okay, I don't want to go there.
00:20:18.520 Do I want to cross...
00:20:20.520 Do I want to cross...
00:20:22.520 ...over...
00:20:23.520 ...there?
00:20:27.520 It's highly debatable if I want to do something.
00:20:33.520 I suppose.
00:20:48.520 I wish you could save, like, in Skyrim, so you can just...
00:20:59.520 ...continue on.
00:21:11.520 Oh, fuck!
00:21:18.520 Okay.
00:21:19.520 Um...
00:21:20.520 Cool.
00:21:24.520 And by cool, I mean un-fucking-cool.
00:21:26.520 I wanna go...
00:21:27.520 ...give this, uh...
00:21:28.520 ...one more go.
00:21:34.520 And, uh...
00:21:38.520 If I fail...
00:21:41.520 ...I fail.
00:21:42.520 If I fail.
00:22:05.520 Power gaming mode on.
00:22:07.520 Oh, no wonder this stuff burns so well.
00:22:28.520 Oh, look at that.
00:22:29.520 Cooler place to hide.
00:22:31.520 It's nice.
00:22:32.520 It's neat.
00:22:33.520 It's cool.
00:22:37.520 Hmm.
00:22:40.520 Now...
00:22:42.520 ...you just...
00:22:44.520 ...drop down now.
00:22:47.520 Drop down.
00:22:51.520 Boom!
00:22:54.520 Nice.
00:23:05.520 And there we go.
00:23:08.520 The stink of this.
00:23:09.520 I'm surprised they can keep it down.
00:23:11.520 I am surprised by now as well.
00:23:14.520 With, like, regular alcohol as well.
00:23:17.520 I don't know...
00:23:19.520 ...how you can...
00:23:21.520 ...but then again, it's fun to be drunk, I suppose.
00:23:24.520 It was, um...
00:23:26.520 ...over three years since I was drunk, actually.
00:23:31.520 I do not miss being drunk.
00:23:34.520 ...for a match.
00:23:35.520 It is, uh...
00:23:37.520 ...being drunk, obviously, is blasphemous.
00:23:41.520 It's not good for your gains.
00:23:43.520 You're gonna live the gym lifestyle.
00:23:49.520 If you, uh, have to be serious about your gains,
00:23:52.520 and if you drink alcohol, you're obviously not serious at all about your gains.
00:23:55.520 ...at all about your gains.
00:24:01.520 Then you're just, uh...
00:24:02.520 ...a heretic.
00:24:06.520 Trapped, man.
00:24:07.520 Yes.
00:24:08.520 And now, we're almost...
00:24:13.520 ...almost there now.
00:24:14.520 I don't see any hooks.
00:24:16.520 Now, all there is to do...
00:24:17.520 ...is wait.
00:24:18.520 ...and not get fucking detected, I...
00:24:19.520 ...I suppose.
00:24:20.520 Okay, nice.
00:24:21.520 Cool.
00:24:22.520 Finally.
00:24:26.520 ...
00:24:27.520 ...
00:24:28.520 ...
00:24:29.520 ...
00:24:30.520 ...
00:24:31.520 ...
00:24:32.520 ...
00:24:33.520 ...
00:24:34.520 ...
00:24:35.520 ...
00:24:36.520 ...
00:24:37.520 ...
00:24:38.520 ...
00:24:39.520 ...
00:24:40.520 ...
00:24:41.520 ...
00:24:42.520 ...
00:24:48.520 ...
00:24:52.520 Oh, a gorgeous fair maiden. Hello, girl. What's a crack? Hey, what up?
00:24:59.520 Come with me. Come with me.
00:25:02.520 Look at that stupid girl. All the girls are that stupid.
00:25:08.520 Nothing to do.
00:25:15.520 I was merely jesting.
00:25:19.520 Okay, that's not the fucking right place to do that on.
00:25:25.520 At least not to the fucking light. Oh, God. They will get detected now.
00:25:32.520 There will be more battles, Talion. But we will find our peace.
00:25:44.520 How about that? Reunited. Mission complete.
00:25:48.520 Mission complete. Fuck yes. Cool.
00:25:52.520 That's nice. Hunting challenge. Oh, nice.
00:25:56.520 We're actually gonna leave this episode at that.
00:26:00.520 So, thank you very much for watching.
00:26:04.520 Feel free to be a juicy pale orc and comment something cheeky or something glorious.
00:26:14.520 And who am I? I'm the golden one.
00:26:18.520 XXL.
00:26:19.520 Boom.
00:26:20.520 Boom.
00:26:24.520 Cool.
00:26:26.520 Zeroixes.
00:26:28.520 Comics.
00:26:29.520 Welcome.
00:26:31.520 fis