The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1016 - Whitney Cummings

00:00:00.000 I need fear tactics.

00:00:01.000 This video will not get demonetized.

00:00:03.000 Watch.

00:00:05.000 We're getting demon-tized already.

00:00:06.000 What's happening?

00:00:06.000 Are we going?

00:00:07.000 We're live!

00:00:07.000 Oh, God!

00:00:08.000 This is so stressful.

00:00:09.000 Why do you need scare tactics?

00:00:11.000 Because it takes me so many threats and so much pain to change my habits.

00:00:19.000 But you're so self-examinatory.

00:00:22.000 That's not the right word. 0.77

00:00:23.000 That's called neurotic.

00:00:24.000 But it's not really.

00:00:25.000 That's a very nice synonym for it.

00:00:26.000 Thank you.

00:00:27.000 See, if you were not getting anything done, I would agree with you.

00:00:30.000 Oh, interesting.

00:00:31.000 It's not paralyzing.

00:00:32.000 Yeah.

00:00:33.000 I do...

00:00:33.000 I come from such a...

00:00:36.000 Dysfunctional is not even the word.

00:00:37.000 I feel like that's lost its value.

00:00:38.000 I come from a very sick family, and I'm very determined to not be sick.

00:00:42.000 Right.

00:00:44.000 So I'm trying hard to... 1.00

00:00:46.000 But you get a lot of shit done. 0.97

00:00:47.000 See, I don't agree with this, like, the idea of paralyzing. 0.98

00:00:51.000 It may, like, hinder in some way, shape, or form, or cause obstacles.

00:00:55.000 But you maneuver around those obstacles.

00:00:57.000 So I don't agree with you.

00:00:59.000 It's tricky.

00:01:00.000 I definitely would identify as self-analytical, but do you think that's part of being a good comedian, is being able to analyze yourself and your neuroses?

00:01:09.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:01:10.000 If you can't see yourself, it's going to be super hard to get other people to relate to you.

00:01:15.000 Because if there's some obvious blind spots that they see that you're not addressing...

00:01:20.000 It's my nightmare to not be self-aware and have everybody know something about me that I don't know.

00:01:25.000 I am, like, in constant paranoia.

00:01:27.000 I mean, and we know people who don't know themselves and who can't see themselves, and it terrifies me. 0.92

00:01:32.000 Well, that's what bothers us about those people.

00:01:34.000 It's not necessarily that those people are that annoying.

00:01:36.000 What it is is we're terrified of seeing that in ourselves.

00:01:39.000 100%.

00:01:39.000 Because the antithesis of a comedian is somebody who can't see the truth and can't look in a mirror, and, like, that's my nightmare.

00:01:45.000 Well, I think we all know, and I think anybody knows it's trying to do anything.

00:01:48.000 Whatever you're trying to do.

00:01:49.000 Whether you're trying to start a business, or write a book, or what you just did.

00:01:52.000 Whatever you're doing.

00:01:55.000 Whatever you're doing, it's going to test you, right?

00:01:58.000 It's going to be difficult.

00:01:59.000 No one is going to get through it.

00:02:02.000 All in one incredibly smooth, linear process. 0.96

00:02:05.000 It's going to be weird shit that happens along the way. 0.99

00:02:07.000 When you see someone who's not doing it correctly, in your eyes, or not doing it to the best of their abilities, or fucking off, or being delusional, it scares the shit out of you. 0.99

00:02:18.000 Because you're like, God damn it, that could be me. 0.99

00:02:20.000 God damn it, I could lose a year of everything I've been concentrating on. 0.99

00:02:24.000 I lived in denial, I think, for a long time. 1.00

00:02:27.000 And I was sort of like sleepwalking through life and kind of like unconscious, I think, for like a lot of my teens and early 20s due to like some fucked up shit that I saw and lived. 0.97

00:02:37.000 And it was all survival mechanisms. 0.95

00:02:39.000 But I just always want to make sure that I've disarmed those and de-thawed those and I'm not like just being a puppet of my...

00:02:47.000 Right, but I think, like, to give you more credit than you give yourself, I think that that self-examatory, self-reflecting aspect of it, which seems to you to, like, this be as constant self-criticism, is just almost like a watcher. 1.00

00:03:02.000 Like a watcher over your thoughts to make sure, okay, keep this fucking thing together, you crazy bitch. 1.00

00:03:07.000 Come on, here we go. 1.00

00:03:09.000 But along the way, look at all the things you've accomplished.

00:03:11.000 See, like, I don't think you've been...

00:03:13.000 I mean, you haven't been impeded by it as much as you've been aware of it.

00:03:19.000 Yeah, that's the idea.

00:03:20.000 And I definitely think I need to stop.

00:03:22.000 We live in this world of constant feedback.

00:03:25.000 And I guess my thing is, like, I give myself enough feedback.

00:03:29.000 I don't also need your feedback with the likes and the at replies and the trolls and the reddits and the whatever.

00:03:34.000 So I think that that magnified it a little bit.

00:03:36.000 And I had to do, like, a little bit of a social media internet cleansing where I didn't sort of constantly, like, go down the wormhole of, like...

00:03:44.000 People trashing and being negative.

00:03:46.000 That's good just as a matter of resources.

00:03:48.000 You know, 24 hours seems like a lot of time until you start dissecting it into the things you actually enjoy doing and how much time do you actually really have with eating and sleeping and traveling and commuting.

00:03:59.000 Crying.

00:04:01.000 And furious hole punching in the wall. 0.99

00:04:04.000 Furiously masturbating and crying in the tub. 0.99

00:04:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:07.000 What do you, you know, how much time do you really have left? 0.99

00:04:10.000 You've got to be careful with your time.

00:04:11.000 Yeah, no, agree.

00:04:12.000 I'm pretty hardcore about protecting my time.

00:04:15.000 I used to not be.

00:04:16.000 Gotta be.

00:04:16.000 Before I got a handle on, like, my codependence.

00:04:18.000 Anyone who wanted to go on a fucking hike, I was at Runyon every morning. 0.99

00:04:22.000 I was getting coffee, and I was just like, I don't do that shit anymore. 0.99

00:04:25.000 That's, like, one of the biggest problems with conspiracy theories. 0.99

00:04:29.000 One of the biggest problems with people that get involved in conspiracy theories, they go...

00:04:33.000 You remember... 0.99

00:04:34.000 What the fuck is his name? 0.99

00:04:35.000 Didn't see that coming. 0.99

00:04:36.000 Who was, um...

00:04:40.000 Kevin Costner.

00:04:40.000 Kevin Costner was in that JFK movie.

00:04:43.000 Yeah.

00:04:43.000 Oh, Oliver Stone.

00:04:44.000 I wrote my senior's honors thesis on the postmodern implications of JFK. Did you really?

00:04:48.000 Yes.

00:04:48.000 What do you think about JFK? Isn't that weird?

00:04:50.000 I don't have a ton of thoughts on JFK. I'm not an authority on it.

00:04:54.000 The movie is unbelievable.

00:04:55.000 I believe at the time it had the most cuts of any movie.

00:04:57.000 And I was obsessed with postmodernism at the time, like Gene Baudrillard.

00:05:00.000 So I was obsessed with him using archive footage and reenactive footage and new footage and just the way that he told the story was brilliant.

00:05:08.000 Right.

00:05:09.000 I don't know.

00:05:09.000 You mean JFK's assassination?

00:05:11.000 Yeah.

00:05:11.000 The whole subject.

00:05:14.000 I just, in the last couple days, got annoyed at JFK as the president.

00:05:19.000 He was the most telegenic president and the first televised president, basically, right?

00:05:24.000 He kind of...

00:05:25.000 Well, Eisenhower definitely had been on TV. A bunch of guys had been on TV, but TV was a different thing in 1963 than it was in 53. He was the first, like, star.

00:05:34.000 Yes.

00:05:35.000 Right?

00:05:35.000 Tan, handsome.

00:05:36.000 He was the first president who was, like, after him, presidents had to start being handsome and charismatic.

00:05:43.000 And I was just in some arguments this week where people were like, well, Hillary just wasn't charismatic. 0.99

00:05:47.000 And I'm like, who fucking cares? 0.93

00:05:50.000 Like, since when is that the number one box that a president has to check? 0.98

00:05:54.000 Not like qualified or like...

00:05:56.000 We want magic people. 0.84

00:05:57.000 Yes, we do.

00:05:58.000 We want...

00:05:58.000 We want cult leaders.

00:05:59.000 Well, yeah. 0.99

00:06:00.000 We want someone that comes out of nowhere that also doesn't want to fuck all the time. 1.00

00:06:05.000 Correct. 0.99

00:06:06.000 Correct.

00:06:08.000 We want someone that can figure it all out and has all of these key attributes of a leader, but we don't want that leader-conquerer mindset.

00:06:19.000 Correct.

00:06:19.000 We want to have our cake and eat it too.

00:06:21.000 But JFK was the first handsome president.

00:06:24.000 From then on, presidents had to look healthy.

00:06:27.000 I don't want my president looking healthy.

00:06:28.000 I want him looking tired and anemic.

00:06:31.000 I don't want him to have been at Martha's Vineyard getting a tan.

00:06:34.000 Can you imagine a time where we have a president that everyone likes?

00:06:38.000 No.

00:06:40.000 That's crazy.

00:06:41.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:06:42.000 Yeah, but that's just our tribalism, right?

00:06:44.000 We're not really designed to live in tribes over like 60 people, right?

00:06:47.000 Of course.

00:06:48.000 This is all just madness.

00:06:49.000 Yeah, it's total madness.

00:06:50.000 We're not designed for it.

00:06:51.000 Yeah, we're bad.

00:06:52.000 But is it possible that someone can achieve some sort of...

00:06:56.000 I mean, even if you achieve some Martin Luther King Jr. state, or you're that level of speaker, and although you were a black guy, you were so obviously super intelligent and so spiritual that even racists had to go, 0.94

00:07:12.000 damn, he's making a lot of good boys. 0.97

00:07:14.000 He's kind of sexy too, right? 1.00

00:07:16.000 Who is that guy? 0.99

00:07:17.000 His fucking way of speaking was so... 1.00

00:07:20.000 It was like a song. 1.00

00:07:21.000 It was like he had this...

00:07:23.000 It was almost like a...

00:07:24.000 Sorry to denigrate Martin Luther King by saying it, but he had the cadence of a comedian who was in the rhythm.

00:07:30.000 He was hypnotic in the way that he spoke.

00:07:32.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:33.000 Do not judge a man by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character.

00:07:38.000 Like, why...

00:07:40.000 Like, how?

00:07:41.000 Like, where did it, and does that come from preachers, right?

00:07:43.000 Is that, like, preacher rhythm?

00:07:45.000 Yeah, it's like musical.

00:07:46.000 That was why Kinnison was so good.

00:07:48.000 Kinnison was an amazing preacher.

00:07:50.000 Right.

00:07:50.000 He was one of those hellfire tent preachers.

00:07:53.000 There's video, or at least audio, maybe video as well, of him doing a tent revival, and it's fucking incredible. 0.94

00:08:00.000 I have to see that. 0.94

00:08:01.000 It's just all about the rhythm and the Jesus!

00:08:04.000 But it's also just the electricity, which is like, you know, people are always like, how do I do comedy?

00:08:09.000 And how do I just stand up?

00:08:10.000 Do I write jokes?

00:08:10.000 It's like, yeah, you can write jokes.

00:08:12.000 You can do this.

00:08:12.000 You can do 10,000 hours.

00:08:14.000 You can do whatever.

00:08:14.000 But like, do you, can you deliver electricity on demand?

00:08:18.000 I don't know how to teach you that.

00:08:19.000 You can't teach someone that.

00:08:21.000 No.

00:08:21.000 And that's the thing about a guy like Kenison, too.

00:08:24.000 It's like, what he was doing...

00:08:27.000 Like, you know, he was talking about the power of the Lord and the power of God and the power of Jesus and say his name and he's stopping around on stage and You know, and then the, God!

00:08:38.000 God is alive!

00:08:39.000 And the thing is, he was doing it so good that he was right.

00:08:44.000 He was doing it so good that the people who were watching got a feeling from it.

00:08:49.000 Like, oh my God!

00:08:50.000 I feel the Lord!

00:08:51.000 I feel the Lord!

00:08:52.000 And maybe you and I are too skeptical. 0.99

00:08:55.000 Maybe we're fools. 0.99

00:08:56.000 Maybe we're fools because we can't just give in to it. 1.00

00:08:58.000 Maybe we're fools that we can't just sit there and watch some guy go off. 1.00

00:09:01.000 Maybe we're fools that we don't just speak in tongues and just let it all go. 0.99

00:09:05.000 I know. 1.00

00:09:05.000 I mean, I'm too much of a fucking controller. 1.00

00:09:07.000 I'm just a science freak. 0.99

00:09:08.000 I'm like, but what about statistics?

00:09:10.000 I love the Lord, but are there some metrics to go with that?

00:09:14.000 Something's happening.

00:09:15.000 Why are they getting so happy?

00:09:16.000 Obviously, he's exciting them.

00:09:19.000 He's inspiring them.

00:09:21.000 He's giving them some sort of almost like mental placebo effect.

00:09:24.000 I mean, you really do get dopamine from someone being a leader.

00:09:29.000 Yeah.

00:09:30.000 Taking charge.

00:09:31.000 So, like, just entertain the thought that that's what God is.

00:09:35.000 That God is those moments, you know, and they're more and more extreme as we get more and more evolved.

00:09:41.000 But those moments where people sort of figure it out and get together and lock on, whatever that energy is... 0.98

00:09:46.000 But sometimes they lock on and they decide to kill Jews. 0.99

00:09:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:09:50.000 Yeah, but they don't. 0.99

00:09:51.000 You know, sometimes they get together and like, I have a good idea and it's a bad idea and they all start locking on.

00:09:57.000 They don't do it unopposed, though.

00:09:58.000 You can use it for evil or you can use it for good, I feel like.

00:10:01.000 Well, definitely the whole biological instinct of humans can go south.

00:10:05.000 It can get Western with people.

00:10:07.000 Yeah, real quick.

00:10:08.000 Which is why people should be really terrified of anybody who assumes any sort of position of power, even the state itself.

00:10:13.000 That's what freaks me out about all these people that want Marxism and socialism.

00:10:16.000 It's like, how much money do you want to give to taxes?

00:10:20.000 You want people to pay 90% taxes.

00:10:22.000 Do you understand that that means someone is getting that money?

00:10:25.000 Do you understand that entity getting that money, the government, is going to want more of it?

00:10:28.000 They grow.

00:10:29.000 They just keep growing.

00:10:29.000 The only trick about that is like you're so smart and you're like you the word understand it has no place in people trying to feel safe Like we're just these visceral animals who are just like am I safe?

00:10:39.000 Am I safe?

00:10:40.000 Like our brains are only designed to keep us alive They're not designed to make us think logically and you're not safe.

00:10:45.000 You know one's safe.

00:10:46.000 You're safe right now. 1.00

00:10:47.000 We are a trash bag full of blood Not even! 0.99

00:10:53.000 Texting and driving. 1.00

00:10:54.000 We are about to die every 20 minutes. 0.94

00:10:56.000 They make some good trash bags.

00:10:58.000 Those hefty lawn bags. 1.00

00:10:59.000 You can shove sticks in there and shit. 0.99

00:11:03.000 Every day I'm like, how did I survive this day? 1.00

00:11:07.000 Why aren't I dead? 0.99

00:11:08.000 Everything should kill us.

00:11:09.000 I think it was in that book, Sapiens, just the idea that so much of our anxiety comes from the fact that we all know that we're only subconsciously at the top of the food chain.

00:11:16.000 We should not be at the top of the food chain.

00:11:18.000 It's only because we developed weapons.

00:11:19.000 We know that at any point, we deserve our life expectancy to be like 16. But I think developing the weapons is also what led to us getting like this.

00:11:28.000 Here, but we're so vulnerable.

00:11:30.000 But I think all this vulnerable stuff came along with the advent of inventions. 0.92

00:11:35.000 I think that when we, obviously I'm an idiot, but don't listen to me, but I would think that when we didn't have anything other than what the animals had, our instincts, claws and fangs.

00:11:46.000 But we can't sleep outside overnight. 0.96

00:11:47.000 How long?

00:11:47.000 I mean, you could.

00:11:48.000 You can.

00:11:48.000 You're actually the one person I know who could probably live outside.

00:11:52.000 Living outside sucks. 0.84

00:11:53.000 Anybody could do it, but it's not good. 0.89

00:11:55.000 Yeah, but we're not designed for elements.

00:11:57.000 We're not anymore.

00:11:58.000 Right, we're so infantilized at this point. 0.99

00:12:00.000 I think we're getting closer and closer to those fucking gray aliens that you see in the movies. 0.99

00:12:04.000 I think that's what we're going to be. 0.99

00:12:06.000 A giant head, little skinny arms, and that's what those things are.

00:12:09.000 I've been thinking about this a lot.

00:12:10.000 That's a hipster. 0.96

00:12:10.000 They're in Los Feliz. 0.96

00:12:12.000 They're everywhere.

00:12:13.000 They have vintage glasses on instead of black eyes.

00:12:16.000 They're in Echo Park. 1.00

00:12:17.000 There's a fucking great commercial. 0.99

00:12:19.000 I don't know what it's for, but it's a hipster and Danny Trio. 0.99

00:12:23.000 And Danny Trio's a bartender, and some hipster is asking for this custom craft beer that's leather, but not shoes, like a belt.

00:12:32.000 And he's going through all this woody, earthy.

00:12:36.000 It's really funny.

00:12:37.000 And Danny Trejo staring at him with his no-nonsense face.

00:12:40.000 You know that dude, the tattooed-up Mexican dude? 0.99

00:12:43.000 Yeah, oh no, I'm aware.

00:12:43.000 Yeah, that guy's awesome.

00:12:44.000 Oh, I know Danny Trejo. 0.94

00:12:45.000 It's a fucking hilarious commercial. 0.97

00:12:47.000 Well, you know, I mean, I can finally talk about this, but it took me getting my ear bitten off by a dog to realize how fucking vulnerable we are. 0.98

00:12:56.000 Oh, yeah. 0.90

00:12:56.000 It happened, I didn't see it come, it just, my ear was gone. 0.90

00:13:01.000 And this was a rescue dog that you had?

00:13:03.000 It was a dog that was at the Carson shelter and was about to be euthanized.

00:13:07.000 I try to grab any dog that's going to be euthanized.

00:13:09.000 He came in.

00:13:10.000 He had been taken from his mother too young.

00:13:11.000 He wasn't neutered.

00:13:12.000 Didn't have spatial intelligence yet.

00:13:14.000 It wasn't his fault.

00:13:15.000 He didn't attack me.

00:13:17.000 Their mouth is their hands.

00:13:18.000 And when they're taken from their mother too young, they don't learn.

00:13:36.000 You don't allow your dogs to lick you or jump on you?

00:13:40.000 Wow.

00:13:46.000 Wow, that's deep.

00:13:47.000 It's not ideal.

00:13:49.000 That's deep. 0.70

00:13:50.000 Yeah, because every now and then you do need them to really respect you when a car is coming when they get out and it is a dominant thing to lick you and to jump on you.

00:13:59.000 That's weird.

00:14:00.000 Why?

00:14:01.000 Because I never thought of that like that.

00:14:03.000 Yeah.

00:14:04.000 But I do have these moments with my puppy.

00:14:07.000 I have a puppy.

00:14:08.000 I guess he's like 10 months old now, maybe 11. Neutered? 0.90

00:14:11.000 Not yet, no.

00:14:12.000 And he's just a super sweetheart.

00:14:15.000 Super sweetheart.

00:14:16.000 Golden, right?

00:14:16.000 Yeah.

00:14:17.000 Yeah, they're just like humans.

00:14:18.000 And sometimes he doesn't want to kiss me.

00:14:20.000 Like sometimes shies away from kissing me.

00:14:23.000 And then once he kisses me he realizes it's okay and then he kisses me a bunch.

00:14:27.000 And he's reluctant to climb on top of me except in a submissive position.

00:14:32.000 He climbs on top of me and lifts his arms up in the air so I can rub his belly. 0.98

00:14:35.000 This is very good news.

00:14:36.000 So when you make eye contact with him does he look away?

00:14:39.000 A little bit.

00:14:39.000 That's good.

00:14:40.000 That's what you want.

00:14:41.000 So whenever I have to ascertain whether a dog is dominant or not I look him in the eyes and if they don't look away I have a dominant dog and that's a problem.

00:14:47.000 So you have to do all these things.

00:14:48.000 You gotta put them on their back.

00:14:50.000 You gotta hold them down until they exhale.

00:14:53.000 That's a problem.

00:14:55.000 Dogs, when they don't have an alpha, they're designed to have a leader.

00:14:59.000 They love discipline.

00:15:00.000 And when they don't, it's chaos.

00:15:02.000 And most people are not in control of their animals.

00:15:04.000 Yeah, that's interesting.

00:15:05.000 We do a lot of things like we make him sit before he comes in the house.

00:15:09.000 We make him stay with the door wide open.

00:15:11.000 They love that.

00:15:11.000 I'll put his food out.

00:15:12.000 He has to stay.

00:15:13.000 And you walk through a dog.

00:15:14.000 You never walk around a dog.

00:15:16.000 Like if your dog's in front of you, you walk right through him.

00:15:18.000 Just bump him out of the way.

00:15:19.000 You're going to knee him.

00:15:20.000 You just get him out of the way.

00:15:20.000 Right.

00:15:21.000 Because that's you're in my house instead of I'm going to walk around you.

00:15:24.000 That's interesting, because I have two other dogs.

00:15:26.000 I have a Mastiff, and he's a sweetie, too.

00:15:31.000 Well, they're the sweetest.

00:15:32.000 This dog, my kids ride him.

00:15:33.000 You can ride him.

00:15:35.000 He's just such a big teddy bear.

00:15:38.000 I have a Great Dane Pitbull, who kind of looks like a Mastiff.

00:15:41.000 Well, Johnny Cash is his name, and he's what's called a Regency Mastiff. 0.90

00:15:45.000 And the Regency Mastiff is half Neapolitan Mastiff and half Pitbull.

00:15:49.000 What were they bred for?

00:15:50.000 Oh, if it has Pitbull, then for fighting bulls. 0.96

00:15:53.000 The guy who bred it, he had dogs that he brought on Fear Factor, and they used them as attack dogs, and it was fucking hilarious.

00:16:01.000 Because we used to have people, they would get these Belgian Malinois on people. 0.96

00:16:05.000 Those dogs They're ferocious.

00:16:07.000 That's what they use.

00:16:08.000 Those are police dogs.

00:16:09.000 Those dogs look at you so different than any other dog.

00:16:12.000 They have like a look of like, just give me the green light, Dad.

00:16:14.000 Yes, and they grab and they shake.

00:16:16.000 I know someone who they grabbed face, shook his face off.

00:16:20.000 Oh, God.

00:16:20.000 But they're smaller.

00:16:22.000 They're a smaller dog.

00:16:23.000 They're like a 60, 70 pound dog.

00:16:25.000 Like just a taut ball of wire.

00:16:27.000 But these Regency Mastiffs are 140. And they're tanks. 0.98

00:16:32.000 Did you ever see that stupid movie, The Hulk, with Eric Banna? 1.00

00:16:36.000 Eric Banna, yeah. 1.00

00:16:38.000 Didn't have Norton do one also?

00:16:40.000 Yes, his was better.

00:16:41.000 But the Banna one, Nick Nolte, I can't believe we're talking about this two podcasts in a row.

00:16:46.000 Nick Nolte?

00:16:47.000 You just talked about this?

00:16:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:49.000 But I forgot to bring up this one crucial part.

00:16:51.000 Nick Nolte was Eric Bana's dad and he injected these dogs with this Hulk serum.

00:16:59.000 So these pit bulls became Hulk pit bulls to attack the Hulk. 1.00

00:17:02.000 It was so stupid. 0.99

00:17:03.000 But the dog that they used to model the Hulk pit bull was Curly. 1.00

00:17:08.000 Curly was my dog's dad.

00:17:11.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:12.000 Royalty. 0.75

00:17:13.000 So it's this insane tank of a dog.

00:17:15.000 That's the sweetest dog you've ever seen.

00:17:16.000 That's like the image that they drew for the renderings.

00:17:20.000 That's like the dog that bit my ear off.

00:17:21.000 It looks exactly like him.

00:17:22.000 Show what the actual dog looked like in the movie.

00:17:24.000 It was like a giant hulked out pit bull.

00:17:26.000 See, I would rescue that dog.

00:17:28.000 That's it right there.

00:17:29.000 I would let that dog in my bed. 0.95

00:17:32.000 I love him.

00:17:33.000 I think that there is something about it so interesting that you have a couple kind of breeds because I feel like people usually see themselves in a breed and that's their thing, you know?

00:17:41.000 And if yours is massive, but what made you do golden?

00:17:44.000 I'm a meathead.

00:17:44.000 He looked awesome.

00:17:46.000 He looked awesome and he was super sweet.

00:17:49.000 This dog, Curly, was the sweetest dog.

00:17:52.000 Well, you know that the dogs that were bred to fight dogs and bulls, they were also selected for the ones that were the kindest to the owners because the dogfighters didn't tolerate dogs that were violent towards people.

00:18:03.000 I've had a bunch of pit bulls.

00:18:04.000 I know the whole deal behind them.

00:18:06.000 Yeah, and the tragic irony is that they're trained to be weapons, but they're trained to be very emotionally attached to people.

00:18:12.000 They're so attached to you.

00:18:13.000 And babies.

00:18:14.000 The love that those things give you is so intense.

00:18:17.000 So unconditional, so intense.

00:18:19.000 It's weird.

00:18:20.000 They're so much more vibrant than a lot of other dogs.

00:18:23.000 And the way they love you.

00:18:24.000 I know.

00:18:24.000 It's so different.

00:18:25.000 And the ones that are rescued, I think, also know on some level.

00:18:29.000 Yeah.

00:18:29.000 I had this one.

00:18:30.000 She wouldn't even let any other dog near me. 0.99

00:18:33.000 I had to give her all the love.

00:18:35.000 If the other dogs came near her, everybody got snapped at and backed off.

00:18:38.000 I had to get all the love to her first.

00:18:41.000 And they also gravitate towards vulnerable.

00:18:44.000 So when I'm sick, they get more protective of me.

00:18:47.000 When I had the injury, when my ear was ripped off, when someone would come in, they'd be extra flexing on the gardeners and stuff.

00:18:53.000 They're really empathic.

00:18:56.000 I've learned so much from training dogs, especially ones with low impulse control.

00:19:00.000 They don't have a lot of impulse control, so you have to teach them impulse control.

00:19:04.000 Because they're designed not only to fight, but also to chase rats.

00:19:07.000 So to bring it all back, Johnny Cash and Brutus, my two dogs.

00:19:11.000 Brutus is much smaller.

00:19:12.000 Brutus is an English Bulldog Shibu Inu mix.

00:19:18.000 So many flaps.

00:19:19.000 And so when they're both going to enter into the house to eat, Johnny always knocks Brutus out of the way. 1.00

00:19:27.000 Like, bitch, step aside, bitch. 1.00

00:19:29.000 Step aside. 1.00

00:19:31.000 They have such a clear run, how it works.

00:19:34.000 Pecking order.

00:19:34.000 I told you about when I went to that.

00:19:36.000 No, I don't think I did.

00:19:37.000 The Wolf Sanctuary?

00:19:38.000 Yes, you did.

00:19:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:19:39.000 You have to leave them alone and let them have their pecking order.

00:19:43.000 There's the Alpha, the Beta, and the Omega.

00:19:44.000 You've got to just leave them alone.

00:19:45.000 People are like, don't.

00:19:46.000 They're fighting.

00:19:47.000 Leave them alone.

00:19:48.000 Let them work it out.

00:19:49.000 You can't interject into nature just because you're uncomfortable with your own mortality.

00:19:53.000 Exactly.

00:19:54.000 And what is... 0.99

00:19:55.000 I mean, I tell people to leave the dog park all the fucking time. 1.00

00:19:58.000 People are so stupid with their dogs and they project their shit onto their dogs and they're codependent with their dogs. 1.00

00:20:03.000 And you know the way to get pit bulls or to unlock, you know, to get dogs. 1.00

00:20:08.000 Yeah.

00:20:09.000 So I'm just sticking my finger in buttholes at the dog park constantly to get dogs to stop fighting.

00:20:14.000 Yeah.

00:20:15.000 Because people don't know how to control their dogs.

00:20:16.000 Most people that have those kind of dogs, they don't realize that this is not like getting a lab.

00:20:21.000 You're getting a dangerous animal that loves to fight.

00:20:25.000 Loves it.

00:20:25.000 They lock on each other and wag tails.

00:20:28.000 Yeah.

00:20:29.000 And you have to be able to ascertain the difference between when things get real, like the hair on their back, and when it's playful. 0.99

00:20:35.000 And then the dog feels your fear and then they start to get protective that's people don't understand like all the time when I'm walking my dogs and someone's like And they start pulling their dog away and I'm like what you're doing is you're feeling fear now your dogs gonna get aggressive So you're manifesting this dog fights with your fucking bullshit fear like get your shit together That's where the argument comes in Do we really want those kind of pets? 0.99

00:20:59.000 I mean, do we really want people to have dangerous dog pets? 0.99

00:21:03.000 It's a super responsibility.

00:21:04.000 And I agree that many people can do it correctly.

00:21:06.000 But it is a super responsibility to have a warrior animal.

00:21:10.000 I do think that for a lot of these animals that are just so unbelievably I mean, the same way we get driver's license for cars, you're operating something that can injure people.

00:21:25.000 I don't think people should have big dogs with big teeth without taking some kind of test for it.

00:21:30.000 I have a friend who runs greyhounds.

00:21:33.000 They have greyhounds.

00:21:34.000 And they have these dogs that they're so fast and he's like, these things are so ferocious that they won't even play with other dogs.

00:21:43.000 Like if they find another dog like a coyote or a poodle, they'll kill it.

00:21:48.000 They just immediately kill it. 0.71

00:21:50.000 That's a bummer. 0.98

00:21:51.000 It is a bummer.

00:21:52.000 And I had a buddy who rescued racing greyhounds.

00:21:54.000 Yeah, because they're the most abused before pit bulls, actually. 0.82

00:21:57.000 Greyhounds.

00:21:57.000 Well, the ones that were, I mean, they weren't pets at all.

00:21:59.000 They were just existing to race.

00:22:01.000 They were existing as gambling dogs.

00:22:03.000 Yeah.

00:22:04.000 I mean, it's a really common thing.

00:22:05.000 I know.

00:22:06.000 I hate it.

00:22:06.000 So he would rescue these dogs.

00:22:08.000 He rescued one of them, and he couldn't keep it.

00:22:11.000 Really?

00:22:11.000 Because any time it saw a cat or anything small, it's gone.

00:22:14.000 It's like having a cheetah.

00:22:15.000 I mean, you're just having this, you know, thing.

00:22:18.000 So, I mean, if you raise it from a puppy, you can usually, you know...

00:22:20.000 I don't know.

00:22:21.000 Really.

00:22:22.000 I don't know a ton about greyhounds, but...

00:22:24.000 I don't know.

00:22:24.000 People can raise lions from cubs, and they see them on Instagram, they're biting them and hanging out with them.

00:22:30.000 But oddly enough...

00:22:31.000 And this is going to sound weird.

00:22:33.000 Lions seem to be calmer than a lot of other animals that we keep as pets.

00:22:36.000 Male lions, for sure.

00:22:37.000 Right?

00:22:37.000 Male lions are only awake two hours a day and they don't do anything.

00:22:40.000 As long as you feed them and you're nice to them all the time, I think you can connect with them. 0.99

00:22:44.000 But all these guys on Instagram, black jaguar, white tiger, you know, the guy and they're snuggling with fucking panthers. 0.99

00:22:51.000 I heard something that they have their scent on them. 1.00

00:22:53.000 They put their urine on them.

00:22:55.000 They declaw them.

00:22:57.000 I don't know, but even that's not going to help you.

00:22:59.000 If that thing decides to bite you, it's a wrap.

00:23:01.000 There's no way you're going to survive.

00:23:02.000 It's over.

00:23:03.000 Well, remember Tippi Hedren, the Hitchcock actress.

00:23:08.000 Will you pull the Tippi Hedren Shambhala?

00:23:11.000 Melanie Griffith grew up with 18 tigers and lions in the home.

00:23:16.000 In L.A., right?

00:23:17.000 In L.A., right outside.

00:23:18.000 And they did a documentary about it, and everyone on the crew got attacked.

00:23:21.000 They got their scalp ripped off.

00:23:23.000 Melanie Griffin had some injury, and then Tippy came out later and was like, they are not pets. 0.94

00:23:27.000 Do not have them in their house.

00:23:28.000 It's dangerous.

00:23:29.000 It's a bad idea.

00:23:31.000 But she had 19 of them in Insano! 0.99

00:23:35.000 We're just like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:23:37.000 I wish I was alive in the 70s. 0.99

00:23:39.000 People just didn't know how to live yet.

00:23:41.000 Yeah, but or did they?

00:23:42.000 I don't know.

00:23:43.000 But if you raise them from infancy, if they're domesticated, it's just a little different, right?

00:23:49.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

00:23:50.000 I'm sure it's different.

00:23:52.000 But there's still the potential for something going sideways.

00:23:55.000 But it's also tricky because it's like, and this is like the work I do with like horses and dogs, it's like if you get scared and they feel it and if you run, food runs, right? 1.00

00:24:04.000 It's you fuck yourself. 0.99

00:24:05.000 It's really like you decide if they attack you or not based on your energy. 1.00

00:24:08.000 They're like baby first generation, like Viking animals. 0.99

00:24:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:24:14.000 It's like if you could get them and raise a bear and then have the bears cubs and the bears cubs cubs, maybe.

00:24:22.000 Have you seen?

00:24:22.000 Many generations in.

00:24:23.000 The epigenetic imprinting of they've always been domesticated.

00:24:26.000 Have you seen that guy that swims with the polar bear?

00:24:28.000 Yes. 1.00

00:24:29.000 What the fuck is he doing? 1.00

00:24:30.000 He's got to keep that thing really well fed. 1.00

00:24:32.000 Just gave a fucking Benadryl? 0.99

00:24:33.000 Or what's happening? 1.00

00:24:34.000 Why is it in a swimming pool?

00:24:35.000 And the best part of that video is the gate is like chicken wire.

00:24:38.000 I'm like, there's a neighbor who's just like in his house who has not left in two years.

00:24:42.000 I know.

00:24:42.000 Can you imagine your neighbor has a polar bear wrapped up in chicken wire?

00:24:45.000 I mean, what is that? 1.00

00:24:48.000 Well, this is some gay shit for sure. 1.00

00:24:50.000 Why is he alive? 1.00

00:24:51.000 Just some gay bear stuff with him and this bear. 0.94

00:24:54.000 I'm 100% sure of it. 0.96

00:24:56.000 Look at that fence.

00:24:57.000 Look at that neighbor. 1.00

00:24:58.000 That neighbor's like, fuck this shit. 1.00

00:25:00.000 That is insane that that's legal. 1.00

00:25:02.000 Insane.

00:25:03.000 Where is that?

00:25:04.000 It looks like Cincinnati.

00:25:05.000 Well, there was a guy in Ohio that had his own zoo, and then he shot himself.

00:25:10.000 And before he shot himself, he let all the animals out.

00:25:14.000 When was this?

00:25:15.000 A couple years ago.

00:25:16.000 I'm making that TV show.

00:25:17.000 This fall on NBC. So yeah, it's a real show.

00:25:21.000 He committed suicide. 1.00

00:25:22.000 So there were lions running down the freeway and crazy shit that people had to hide. 1.00

00:25:26.000 Didn't that just happen? 0.99

00:25:28.000 Wasn't there like a tiger loose recently or something?

00:25:30.000 Yeah, there have been other ones.

00:25:31.000 But this one...

00:25:32.000 Why did he shoot himself?

00:25:33.000 So he just committed suicide? 0.51

00:25:34.000 Yeah, he whacked himself.

00:25:36.000 He's just like, I don't want to do this anymore.

00:25:37.000 And he let all his animals go.

00:25:41.000 Ha ha [...

00:25:47.000 He's like, this is just too weird.

00:25:48.000 I just don't want to do this anymore.

00:25:50.000 And he just ended it, but he let all the animals go first.

00:25:52.000 That is so funny.

00:25:53.000 Yeah, so the cops.

00:25:55.000 Who's this?

00:25:55.000 Oh, this is the guy?

00:25:57.000 Where is this?

00:25:59.000 Oh, in Ohio.

00:26:00.000 The frantic 911 call.

00:26:03.000 I'm pretty sure and I just saw a wolf.

00:26:07.000 A wolf or something? 0.99

00:26:11.000 This is fucking bed love. 1.00

00:26:13.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:26:15.000 It's amazing.

00:26:15.000 They had to shoot all the animals.

00:26:17.000 They couldn't capture them.

00:26:18.000 Well, they couldn't let them go.

00:26:20.000 And once they were in a certain area, they had to isolate them before they spread out to the point where they couldn't find them.

00:26:25.000 Jesus! 1.00

00:26:26.000 What a fucking nightmare. 1.00

00:26:28.000 Yeah, it's a nightmare. 1.00

00:26:29.000 When I see a human die, I'm just like, oh, bummer.

00:26:32.000 When I see animals, I'm like, Can't handle it.

00:26:34.000 Yeah.

00:26:34.000 That's intense.

00:26:35.000 That's a fucking nightmare. 1.00

00:26:36.000 Okay, so when your new dog gets neutered, it's going to be a game changer. 1.00

00:26:41.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

00:26:42.000 For his energy.

00:26:43.000 Yeah, right now.

00:26:44.000 But he's sweet.

00:26:45.000 He's a different kind of dog.

00:26:47.000 Well, Goldens are just like lifeguards. 0.99

00:26:48.000 I mean, they're just like humans.

00:26:49.000 They're the sweetest dogs.

00:26:50.000 They're just so nice.

00:26:51.000 The stories about they smell a fire, and they get the kid, and they open the door, and they take it to a shelter, and they put it on a plane, and they like...

00:26:58.000 They change your travel arrangements.

00:27:00.000 Totally.

00:27:01.000 They help you get into college.

00:27:02.000 They're on kayak.

00:27:04.000 I mean, they're just such incredible dogs.

00:27:05.000 He gets a little silly sometimes because he's young.

00:27:07.000 Like sometimes he'll test you with things and won't listen when you tell him to do things.

00:27:11.000 But animals test you because they want to go like, are you the leader?

00:27:13.000 Are you the leader?

00:27:14.000 Are you the leader?

00:27:14.000 That's what they're doing.

00:27:15.000 I think that's kind of what audiences do as well. 0.97

00:27:17.000 You know, we were talking earlier about self-analysis and I am trying to stop with that shit, but it's just hard to turn that off because it's like we get on stage and we're like, do you like me now? 0.97

00:27:26.000 Do you like me now? 0.99

00:27:27.000 What about now?

00:27:27.000 We do that for an hour every night.

00:27:29.000 And then I get off stage and I'm doing it to myself.

00:27:32.000 Do I like me now?

00:27:33.000 It's just a hard thing to fucking shut off. 0.86

00:27:36.000 How do you negotiate on stage getting feedback and using that validation and then as soon as it's over, not needing it at all? 0.99

00:27:45.000 Well, you have people that love you and a family and shit. 0.99

00:27:48.000 You're answering for yourself. 0.99

00:27:50.000 People care about you.

00:27:51.000 Well, I think doing things that are more difficult than that is a good way to even that out.

00:27:57.000 That is an unbelievably salient point.

00:28:01.000 Yeah, I think if that's the most difficult thing in your day, it becomes...

00:28:06.000 It's got extra weight that it doesn't need to have on it.

00:28:09.000 That's fascinating.

00:28:10.000 That's fascinating.

00:28:11.000 Is there something more difficult than stand-up, though?

00:28:13.000 Yeah, there is.

00:28:14.000 Everything's more difficult.

00:28:16.000 Stand-up is easy when it's going great.

00:28:18.000 Joey Diaz said that stand-up is the easiest, hardest thing you'll ever do.

00:28:21.000 Yeah, that's exactly right.

00:28:22.000 That's the perfect way to describe it.

00:28:24.000 Of course, Joey said it perfect.

00:28:25.000 Do you, of course, you know this, but I read something recently about how the reason people hate or are so scared of public speaking, evolutionarily speaking, if you were Whoa! 0.99

00:28:45.000 Holy shit! 0.99

00:28:51.000 Oh my god, that makes so much sense. 1.00

00:28:58.000 So much sense.

00:28:59.000 So when we're up there on stage, the reason you feel all that fear is because it used to be you were begging for forgiveness and not to get speared to death or stoned to death or whatever.

00:29:07.000 Wow.

00:29:08.000 Makes a lot of sense.

00:29:09.000 That's crazy because we always associate it with being a leader who's speaking to the tribe.

00:29:15.000 Nope.

00:29:16.000 Nope.

00:29:17.000 Please don't kill me.

00:29:18.000 Please don't kill me. 1.00

00:29:19.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:29:20.000 Yeah, that's what it was in tribal times. 0.99

00:29:22.000 It's the same thing about, like, there was that article in The Atlantic about how loneliness is now as bad for you as smoking.

00:29:27.000 Because it used to be, if you were living alone in an apartment, in a pod, that meant you were exiled from the tribe and had no protection from it.

00:29:33.000 So your brain stops producing serotonin and endorphins and you basically just, like, get depressed.

00:29:38.000 Because it's like you feel so unsafe and you feel so much anxiety.

00:29:41.000 We're designed to live together because that meant protections before we had, like, alarm systems and locks and shit.

00:29:46.000 Right Wow that totally makes sense as well and it seems like the the more people get advanced Socially like the more we understand each other socially we more more we understand like that There's all these causes and effects that go on inside of human relationships on both sides that that make things go well or go bad and hopefully Over generation after generation of us studying this and paying attention to the way that we behave and talk to each other.

00:30:14.000 Because I think people talk to each other far differently today.

00:30:17.000 We definitely do in media, right?

00:30:19.000 Yeah.

00:30:19.000 We did in the 1930s or 40s or 50s.

00:30:23.000 It's like there's a very crude, rudimentary form of communication then.

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:27.000 Richer and weirder and more aware now today and I think it's gonna continue to get better and better and if it does Maybe one day we'll get into a more relaxed Society place like if we can ensure that more people are nice and friendly and Helping and honest and helpful and less people are dangerous and fucked up But instead of doing that what we do is the opposite.

00:30:51.000 We like put up bigger walls lock things down more Separate ourselves ourselves further You know, secure our position.

00:30:59.000 I think as a society, and this is total hippie talk, right?

00:31:03.000 But we have to figure out a way to make less people live sucky lives.

00:31:09.000 As soon as you make less people live sucky lives, everything becomes way less dangerous. 0.78

00:31:13.000 Right, but like, I was in Guatemala once, and I remember looking around and going, what a sucky life, what a sucky life. 0.99

00:31:19.000 And then I drive past people, they're sitting around Laughing with no teeth, in hammocks, in a shack.

00:31:25.000 And I'm like, why are they happier than me?

00:31:27.000 And from what I gather, it's because they're together.

00:31:30.000 So it's like so much of our communication is nonverbal.

00:31:33.000 They say like 80% of our communication is nonverbal.

00:31:34.000 And I'm on here texting, texting, texting.

00:31:36.000 You're seeing the verbal, but you're not seeing the nonverbal of like, you're safe.

00:31:39.000 I'm connected to you.

00:31:40.000 We're getting oxytocin for making eye contact and hugging.

00:31:43.000 Like we're communicating more and more and more, but actually reaching each other less and less and less on a chemical or neurochemical level, right?

00:31:49.000 Yeah, and you've got to figure that people that are living in a village or some third-world country or they're living closer to the land with less electronic stimulation, who they are as a person, the way they're living their life is fitting into the world that they live in.

00:32:05.000 It's like those grooves have already been cut.

00:32:07.000 They're smooth and deep and everything just slides into place.

00:32:10.000 Everybody's been doing it this way for a long-ass time. 0.69

00:32:13.000 When do you start factoring in all the crazy shit that we're after dealing with just with traffic and the sheer number of humans clogged into this intersection just trying to move forward and everybody being frustrated and honking and cutting each other off and that is so not normal. 0.98

00:32:29.000 Apparently our brain doesn't know what a car is. 0.98

00:32:33.000 That makes sense. 1.00

00:32:34.000 Like, our primordial brain, it's just a lion running across the fucking Sahara. 1.00

00:32:40.000 You know? 0.99

00:32:40.000 It's just, like, things coming at you quickly. 0.99

00:32:42.000 So we're kind of in fight-or-flight mode all the time.

00:32:45.000 And the phone is the sun, right?

00:32:46.000 Our brain basically thinks it's just producing cortisol.

00:32:49.000 It's like we're constantly looking into the sun all day, and then we see just things coming at us in our periphery constantly.

00:32:56.000 And it's depleting, and it's putting us in fight-or-flight mode, which shuts down our frontal lobe, right?

00:33:00.000 Which is, like...

00:33:02.000 Our feeling and decision making is out there.

00:33:04.000 What is it?

00:33:04.000 I remember reading this, but I don't remember what the answer is.

00:33:07.000 What is it about the disassociative aspect of driving in a car that makes people aggressive to other people, like verbally and giving them the finger?

00:33:15.000 The anonymity?

00:33:17.000 No, no, I remember what it is.

00:33:18.000 What it is is they had concluded that you're in a heightened state of not necessarily fear, but reaction time when you're in a car because you realize that you are going 65 miles an hour.

00:33:30.000 And everything is happening fast.

00:33:32.000 You have to be paying attention to everything.

00:33:34.000 And so in this heightened state, you're almost in like a heightened altercation position.

00:33:38.000 You're ready for anything, right?

00:33:39.000 What do we got?

00:33:40.000 What do we got? 1.00

00:33:40.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:33:41.000 Like you're ready to go, this fucking dickhead just cut me off! 1.00

00:33:45.000 Like it's everything so ramped up. 1.00

00:33:47.000 But let me ask you a question because I've been in cars with people who are just like, oh, sorry. 1.00

00:33:51.000 And I've been in cars with people who are like, fuck you. 0.99

00:33:53.000 And to me, it's like, I feel like kind of every guy turns it into a sport. 1.00

00:33:57.000 You can do that if you let it get away from you.

00:34:00.000 Because you're competing and who's going faster and that sort of thing.

00:34:03.000 Like, does that happen to you? 1.00

00:34:04.000 Yeah, you can do that if someone's a total dick and you start falling into that. 0.99

00:34:08.000 It's always best to think twice. 0.99

00:34:11.000 It's always best to just relax and just avoid.

00:34:15.000 Because it's not worth...

00:34:16.000 There's no upside on that sort of involvement.

00:34:20.000 There's no upside on that altercation.

00:34:22.000 There's nothing there for you. 1.00

00:34:23.000 I've never been like, fuck you, and been like, that was a good idea. 1.00

00:34:25.000 I've never felt proud of that. 1.00

00:34:27.000 There's no upside, but the downside is gigantic.

00:34:31.000 Actual violence, like you could get shot, you could get stabbed, you could get beat up, someone could run you over.

00:34:37.000 You could get into some terrible position where you hurt someone, and you have to pay for their medical bills and their legal bills, and it could be devastating to you.

00:34:45.000 Is there something like...

00:34:46.000 And you could feel terrible about the fact you did it because you did it in the heat of passion when you weren't even thinking straight. 1.00

00:34:50.000 This is stupid. 1.00

00:34:51.000 Guys do dumb shit all the time that changes their life. 1.00

00:34:55.000 I was in, is it called Artesia? 1.00

00:34:58.000 That's a place in California.

00:35:00.000 Yes, I think that's in California.

00:35:02.000 I watched a guy, like two guys tailgating each other, chasing each other. 0.91

00:35:05.000 Some guy fucking got out of his car with a baseball bat and like came in and they got in a fight and I was like, I'm gonna leave. 0.93

00:35:10.000 There's a great video of that. 0.99

00:35:12.000 Some guy gets out of his car, pulls a bat out of his car and smashes this other guy's car.

00:35:18.000 The other guy gets out of the car, grabs him, gets him in a rear naked choke, puts him to sleep.

00:35:24.000 Pushes him to the side of the road, gets in his car and drives off.

00:35:26.000 It's amazing.

00:35:27.000 But, you know what?

00:35:28.000 There's no butt there.

00:35:29.000 There's no butt there. 0.61

00:35:29.000 I'm just saying, is that... 0.61

00:35:31.000 That's how it's supposed to go.

00:35:32.000 I got in this...

00:35:33.000 And I know I was texting you about that Calcio Storico thing, that thing in Florence. 1.00

00:35:36.000 You've got me obsessed with that shit. 0.99

00:35:37.000 Is there... 1.00

00:35:38.000 I want to make a documentary.

00:35:39.000 I've been trying for years.

00:35:41.000 You should.

00:35:41.000 But I'm obsessed with...

00:35:49.000 Yeah.

00:36:07.000 Because they purge.

00:36:09.000 People purge.

00:36:09.000 And they get it out in not healthy ways, but at least in controlled ways.

00:36:13.000 You know?

00:36:14.000 Like, are we designed to just be, like, taking baseball bats to each other's windshields?

00:36:19.000 I think what it represents is a very valid release for primal instincts.

00:36:24.000 Yes.

00:36:24.000 And I've been studying it most of my life.

00:36:28.000 Yeah.

00:36:28.000 I mean, most of my life I've been paying attention to martial arts, studying martial arts.

00:36:32.000 I'm usually in the woods if I go a whole day and I don't see someone fight.

00:36:38.000 Right.

00:36:39.000 Like, I see it every day, constantly.

00:36:41.000 Right, right, right.

00:36:42.000 I watch Muay Thai fights every day.

00:36:44.000 I'll watch a wrestling match.

00:36:45.000 I'll watch a jujitsu match.

00:36:46.000 I'm constantly watching these things.

00:36:48.000 And what I get out of all of it is that what these people are doing, everybody's doing is, first of all, they're engaging in something incredibly difficult.

00:36:54.000 And when you engage in something incredibly difficult, it's a great way for strong-willed people to find themselves.

00:37:00.000 And to get testosterone.

00:37:02.000 There's that, but you're finding validation through incredibly difficult acts.

00:37:06.000 Like, I think I'm special.

00:37:07.000 How do I prove I'm special? 0.67

00:37:08.000 I prove I'm special by choking out other trained killers. 0.96

00:37:11.000 I'm going to get to a place where I can choke out all the experts. 0.92

00:37:16.000 Like, I'm not just choking out regular people.

00:37:18.000 I want to be able to choke out the experts.

00:37:19.000 And those guys who do that, they find themselves in the most exceptional minds and the most exceptional bodies.

00:37:26.000 It converges together.

00:37:27.000 You cannot have one without the other.

00:37:29.000 But it's so recent that we're not choking each other out in the streets all the time.

00:37:35.000 I mean, like 100 years or something.

00:37:36.000 I mean, I was reading that our eyes evolved to be sunken in because we were getting punched in the face so much as a species.

00:37:43.000 That's why our eyes are sunken in. 0.99

00:37:45.000 Swear to fucking God, our fists evolved to do this so that we could punch people. 0.99

00:37:50.000 Maybe if the UFC keeps going with all the eye pokes, the walls of our eyes would get thicker. 0.99

00:37:54.000 I would give up a little bit of vision to have poke-proof eyes.

00:37:58.000 I mean, our eyes are made of glass.

00:38:00.000 Yeah, they're so weak. 1.00

00:38:01.000 I mean, we're pathetic. 0.99

00:38:03.000 But so it's so recent that we're not just constantly fighting each other and choking each other out in a socially acceptable way. 0.95

00:38:09.000 But here's my thing, what I've noticed, and everybody has, look, everybody's a work in progress.

00:38:15.000 You know, I mean, you want to judge someone by an argument that you got with someone 10 years ago. 0.86

00:38:19.000 I think that's kind of ridiculous.

00:38:20.000 But we're all capable of weird, aggressive behavior and mistakes.

00:38:27.000 But The people that I know that are involved in martial arts are uniformly some of the nicest, most peaceful, friendly...

00:38:35.000 If they didn't fight, do you think they would be?

00:38:38.000 If they didn't get it out?

00:38:39.000 I don't know.

00:38:40.000 I would hope not. 0.83

00:38:41.000 It's like good balls. 0.90

00:38:42.000 But it gives them something.

00:38:44.000 It gives them a feeling of security and it gives them an understanding of ego because you lose a lot.

00:38:49.000 Yeah, so true.

00:38:50.000 Most guys don't lose a lot of fights because they don't get in a lot of fights.

00:38:54.000 You talk to an average person, I might have been in my whole life, like street fights, like three or four ever.

00:39:02.000 Ever.

00:39:02.000 Really?

00:39:03.000 All my fights I had were in competition.

00:39:05.000 So your thing is you learn how to avoid fights?

00:39:08.000 Definitely.

00:39:09.000 Well, it wasn't my choice.

00:39:10.000 And you don't have the ego that drives you to need to do it.

00:39:11.000 It wasn't my choice. 0.99

00:39:13.000 Like, I was avoiding fights because I was scared of getting my ass kicked. 0.98

00:39:16.000 And then I got into martial arts completely because I was scared to fight people. 0.97

00:39:20.000 And I moved around a lot and I didn't really know what I was doing. 0.98

00:39:23.000 But my point being that this desire, once you really know how to fight, all that shit goes away. 0.95

00:39:30.000 And you're friendly. 0.98

00:39:32.000 Yes, and you don't have the need to overcompensate or prove anything.

00:39:35.000 Because you proved it to yourself that you can do it.

00:39:37.000 Yeah, there's a little bit of that.

00:39:39.000 As soon as I actually felt like I was funny as a comedian.

00:39:42.000 You're talking into your neck. 0.86

00:39:43.000 Sorry.

00:39:45.000 I just want the vibrations to go.

00:39:48.000 I'm here to tell you that smoking is a terrible thing.

00:39:51.000 Remember there was like 10 comics that used to do that?

00:39:54.000 Yes, I do.

00:39:54.000 In the 90s.

00:39:56.000 Hashtag Craigshootmaker.

00:39:59.000 I forgot what I was talking about.

00:40:01.000 I forgot what we were talking about too.

00:40:02.000 Me too.

00:40:02.000 No, I was saying as soon as I felt like I was actually funny as a comedian on stage, I stopped trying to be funny in my real life.

00:40:09.000 I didn't need to be.

00:40:10.000 Right.

00:40:10.000 I think it's probably pretty similar.

00:40:12.000 I think it's probably pretty similar.

00:40:14.000 For guys, I think also they get it out of their system.

00:40:16.000 And also they don't have this...

00:40:18.000 A lot of male-to-male interaction happens just out of fear. 0.94

00:40:22.000 Like guys want the other guy to back down because they're fucking terrified. 0.85

00:40:24.000 They don't want to fight. 0.71

00:40:26.000 But when people are not afraid of it, and it's not a terrifying thing to them, there's more relaxation and less things happen.

00:40:32.000 Can I ask you a really weird question?

00:40:34.000 Sure.

00:40:36.000 It's illegal to fight people just in the street?

00:40:40.000 It is in California.

00:40:40.000 It is not in Washington State.

00:40:42.000 Washington State has something called a mutual combat law where cops will actually stand by and watch people beat the shit out of each other if they agree to.

00:40:51.000 So there's no such thing as like assault? 1.00

00:40:54.000 It is Wild West shit. 1.00

00:40:56.000 They literally agree. 1.00

00:40:57.000 Washington State?

00:40:58.000 In Seattle.

00:40:59.000 What if it's man versus woman? 0.93

00:41:01.000 Ooh, I don't think you can do that.

00:41:03.000 Really?

00:41:03.000 No, I don't think you can do that.

00:41:05.000 I don't think so.

00:41:06.000 And what if you're you?

00:41:07.000 You can't do that because you're a weapon, right?

00:41:09.000 Well, you can, though.

00:41:10.000 That's not real.

00:41:11.000 Isn't there a thing?

00:41:13.000 Registering yourself as a weapon?

00:41:14.000 No, that's real.

00:41:15.000 Sorry, I've dated some fighters.

00:41:16.000 I had to go to a town hall, register my hands.

00:41:19.000 I'm a human weapon.

00:41:21.000 I've heard that.

00:41:22.000 Why have I heard that?

00:41:22.000 It's not real because people used to always say that.

00:41:24.000 But you can't.

00:41:25.000 If you're you, you're not allowed to fight.

00:41:27.000 A human on the street.

00:41:28.000 You go to jail.

00:41:29.000 If I hit someone, I'll get an assault charge.

00:41:31.000 First of all, everybody who hits someone for no reason is going to go to jail.

00:41:35.000 Unless it's self-defense.

00:41:36.000 But if you're Vanderlei Silva, and someone doesn't know it's Vanderlei Silva, and they go and pick a fight with him, and he beats the fuck out of them, he's not going to get in trouble.

00:41:45.000 As long as there's some sort of proof that these guys were starting a fight with him, he's defending himself.

00:41:49.000 So if I attack Ronda Rousey at Whole Foods... 1.00

00:41:53.000 She flips you in your head. 0.98

00:41:55.000 And she breaks my neck with her finger. 1.00

00:42:01.000 That was self-defense.

00:42:03.000 100%.

00:42:03.000 Yeah, you don't know.

00:42:04.000 It's not our fault that she killed me.

00:42:06.000 Well, not only that, she doesn't know. 1.00

00:42:08.000 You might be some crazy black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu who's insane. 0.99

00:42:11.000 That's true. 1.00

00:42:11.000 I look at me. 1.00

00:42:11.000 Who just wants to strangle her. 1.00

00:42:12.000 Look at me.

00:42:13.000 You look like you've been lifting.

00:42:14.000 But there's danger in interactions with people if you don't know who they are.

00:42:18.000 But if you're a professional fighter, you can get sued.

00:42:20.000 Well, you could always encounter someone that knows how to fight.

00:42:23.000 When someone touches you or they're arguing with you or they're in your face, you have no idea what they're capable of.

00:42:29.000 Even if you're a martial artist, they might be better than you are.

00:42:34.000 You don't know.

00:42:34.000 No one ever knows.

00:42:35.000 Yeah, that's interesting. 0.98

00:42:36.000 There's this crazy idea that somehow or another you have to have your shit together to be a fighter. 0.99

00:42:41.000 I've known a lot of fucking crazy people that were insane that were really good at fighting. 0.99

00:42:48.000 Isn't that part of it, though? 0.99

00:42:50.000 You have to be lacking a circumspect approach.

00:42:54.000 George St. Pierre isn't.

00:42:56.000 George St. Pierre is super present and kind and a fun guy to talk to and a sweetheart.

00:43:03.000 Just ultra, ultra competitive.

00:43:05.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:43:05.000 You have to have adrenaline addiction shit. 1.00

00:43:09.000 My point is he's not a mean person. 1.00

00:43:11.000 But there are mean, crazy people that are also really good at fighting.

00:43:14.000 Right, right, right. 0.99

00:43:15.000 The idea that only good people are good at fighting is ridiculous. 0.84

00:43:18.000 No!

00:43:19.000 So you have to be always careful.

00:43:21.000 What's this?

00:43:22.000 These hands and feet are registered as deadly weapons in Guam.

00:43:27.000 So in Guam you can do that?

00:43:28.000 Yeah, I'll shut the bomb.

00:43:29.000 There's a law about the... 0.82

00:43:30.000 Like if you went to Guam...

00:43:32.000 Any registered karate or judo expert who thereafter is charged with having used his art in a physical assault on some other person shall, upon conviction thereof, be deemed guilty of aggravated assault.

00:43:44.000 Upon conviction, though.

00:43:46.000 That should be.

00:43:49.000 I agree with you.

00:43:49.000 You mean that you have to have been arrested already?

00:43:51.000 Well, I agree with that.

00:43:52.000 When I take, this is how I interpret that, that if someone, like, say, Brendan Schaub, decided to pick on some guy who didn't know how to fight, knowing that this guy didn't know how to fight, and Brendan would never do that, he's the nicest guy ever, but beat the shit out of this person, they should be charged with,

00:44:08.000 like, an extra level of assault, because it's not just assault.

00:44:11.000 It's almost like assault with a weapon.

00:44:13.000 Well, it's Brendan who told me that people will come up to him and he'll be like, you know, I used to fight, and he's just like, don't do this.

00:44:19.000 Like, they instigate, and sometimes you just have to leave.

00:44:21.000 Do you ever have people do that, where you just have to, like, leave?

00:44:24.000 Sometimes people are delusional, but I've seen it happen even to Chuck Liddell.

00:44:27.000 I've seen people come up to him when he was in his prime. 0.98

00:44:29.000 People are crazy. 0.99

00:44:30.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:44:31.000 There's always a certain...

00:44:31.000 Well, it's like people who come up to...

00:44:33.000 I mean, as a comic, people come up to me like, what's up, cunt? 0.98

00:44:35.000 I'm like, you don't want to do this. 0.99

00:44:36.000 Don't do this.

00:44:37.000 Don't do this. 1.00

00:44:38.000 They're like, hey, hooker! 1.00

00:44:39.000 And I'm like, don't try to be funny. 1.00

00:44:40.000 This isn't going to go well for you.

00:44:42.000 Imagine just practicing that at home. 1.00

00:44:45.000 Then when I see her tonight, I'm going to look her right in the eyes and say, what's up, cunt? 1.00

00:44:49.000 The things people say to me are so... 1.00

00:44:51.000 What do you think my reaction is?

00:44:53.000 You think I'm going to crack up laughing and be like, here's my phone number?

00:44:57.000 Just drop to your knees.

00:44:58.000 How did you think that was going to go?

00:45:02.000 I don't think they think.

00:45:04.000 I think people also, maybe they have an idea of what will be funny and they think about it a total of 15 seconds before they say it.

00:45:12.000 It's shocking.

00:45:13.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:45:14.000 And my favorite is when someone bores you with like a 15 minute, just the longest vagina monologue of all time, something just like terrible and awful. 0.98

00:45:20.000 They just talk about like traffic and then they're like, you can have that one. 0.81

00:45:24.000 And you're just like, oh, can I? Thank you.

00:45:27.000 Did you ever notice like, oh no, are you doing material?

00:45:31.000 Or like you're talking to someone super boring and they're like, are you going to put me in your act? 0.99

00:45:34.000 Like, no, you're fucking bombing. 0.99

00:45:36.000 Say something funny and I'll think about it. 1.00

00:45:39.000 Yeah.

00:45:40.000 The worst.

00:45:41.000 Every guy says that on dates.

00:45:42.000 They're like, you're gonna put me in your act.

00:45:43.000 Wow, really?

00:45:44.000 Is that a part of the issue?

00:45:45.000 The guy I'm dating has never seen me do stand-up.

00:45:48.000 Oh, no.

00:45:48.000 Never.

00:45:49.000 Keep it that way.

00:45:49.000 That's what I'm gonna do.

00:45:50.000 Yeah.

00:45:51.000 How long you been dating him?

00:45:52.000 Eight months.

00:45:52.000 Yes!

00:45:53.000 Keep it that way.

00:45:54.000 I think that's...

00:45:55.000 Isn't that kind of a life hack?

00:45:57.000 It never goes well. 0.99

00:45:58.000 I don't think guys love seeing girls in like an alpha stance yelling about dicks they've sucked in the past. 1.00

00:46:08.000 I like to separate church and say it like that. 0.99

00:46:10.000 Or do you think that that's delusional that I can...

00:46:12.000 No, I don't think it's delusional at all.

00:46:13.000 You've done it for eight months.

00:46:14.000 If you've done it for eight months, why can't you do it for eight years?

00:46:16.000 Why not?

00:46:17.000 Which is as long as I ever want to be in anything.

00:46:20.000 Yeah, but it seems like it's totally possible. 0.99

00:46:22.000 I mean, if that's what makes you comfortable and he doesn't give a shit, you got it. 0.96

00:46:25.000 I think comedy is for strangers. 0.97

00:46:27.000 I don't think it's for people you know.

00:46:29.000 My friends are like, can I come see a show?

00:46:31.000 And I'm like, no!

00:46:32.000 You can't.

00:46:33.000 That's not what it's for.

00:46:34.000 It's for complete strangers.

00:46:36.000 It's not for people you know.

00:46:37.000 You just nailed it.

00:46:38.000 Really?

00:46:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:39.000 Like, if you're doing stand-up and someone who you know really good is in the front row, like, what other front row is all your family and they've seen your act twice this week?

00:46:46.000 I can't say that.

00:46:47.000 I can't say that.

00:46:47.000 It's like I'm doing these shows in L.A. and I'm like, why am I doing L.A. shows?

00:46:50.000 Because it's going to be all people I know.

00:46:52.000 Everyone's like, can I come?

00:46:53.000 I'm like, you can't, actually.

00:46:54.000 I'm like doing a complete, like...

00:46:56.000 You gotta tune in to everybody else.

00:46:58.000 But it's just like, you're right.

00:47:00.000 You're not even thinking about it.

00:47:01.000 Those are the people, they may or may not be an impediment, but they're not gonna enhance it.

00:47:07.000 They're not gonna be a part of the normal crowd for you.

00:47:08.000 For me, I'm always thinking in the back of my head, oh no, I can't say that, I'm gonna hurt their feelings, da da da da. 0.99

00:47:14.000 It's like you can't say anything because you can't just be like, oh, because my fucking crazy family. 0.99

00:47:17.000 And then they're like, were we crazy? 1.00

00:47:19.000 And everyone's such a fucking narcissist. 1.00

00:47:22.000 Like, it's like the worst when you're dating someone or whatever it is. 1.00

00:47:24.000 And you're like going on and on about like, and this stupid guy. 0.99

00:47:26.000 And they're like, was that about me? 0.99

00:47:27.000 I'm like, no, I made that up.

00:47:29.000 It's not about anyone.

00:47:30.000 It's my friend told me this.

00:47:31.000 Like, everyone just has to like turn your act into a Rorschach test and everything's about them.

00:47:36.000 And I just like can't. 0.98

00:47:37.000 Okay, I mean, there's this unspoken shit that's going on in your act. 0.99

00:47:40.000 It's me. 0.99

00:47:41.000 What?

00:47:42.000 No, it's not.

00:47:42.000 Okay, just say it.

00:47:43.000 No. 1.00

00:47:43.000 You're fucking, you know, this is so ridiculous. 1.00

00:47:46.000 I don't have a problem with you doing comedy. 1.00

00:47:48.000 Really? 1.00

00:47:49.000 When you work out our shit on stage. 0.99

00:47:52.000 It's like, well, it's interesting because Bill Burr never talks about his wife on stage. 0.99

00:47:56.000 Or he never talks about, he says that she doesn't like when he talks about him.

00:48:01.000 Or when he talks about her.

00:48:03.000 Like, she drew a boundary about it.

00:48:05.000 Yeah, I think it makes sense, and I think what you're saying makes sense, too, that it's the actual act of doing it.

00:48:10.000 You're doing it for people who don't know you.

00:48:12.000 Yeah.

00:48:12.000 Like, you're trying to do a thing.

00:48:14.000 If I was a stripper, I wouldn't want you to come. 0.99

00:48:16.000 To me, it's so emotionally revealing, and it's about vulnerability, and it's about, like, I'm going to talk to you for an hour and then never see you again.

00:48:23.000 That completely makes sense.

00:48:24.000 It is a one-night stand.

00:48:25.000 But what about songs?

00:48:26.000 I feel like songs are the same way, too. 0.96

00:48:28.000 Like, if you know someone really well, like, god damn, like... 0.88

00:48:32.000 Do you really want someone to sing a song for you? 0.99

00:48:34.000 I went to a wedding where it was two brides, it was a lesbian wedding, and one of them sung to the other person, and I had to get up and walk away.

00:48:43.000 I was so uncomfortable. 0.99

00:48:45.000 Looking in her eyes, singing to her, I was crouched over, I literally was sweating, I was I mean, I look like fucking the Joker. 0.98

00:48:56.000 My makeup was... 0.98

00:48:57.000 I was so uncomfortable.

00:48:58.000 I think singing to me, I would rather blow you making eye contact the entire time than have you sing to me. 0.87

00:49:06.000 I will put a gun in my mouth before I let someone sing a song to me. 0.99

00:49:10.000 Awful. 1.00

00:49:11.000 Disgusting. 0.99

00:49:11.000 I can't even think about it. 0.99

00:49:12.000 What the fuck is that, right? 0.99

00:49:13.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:49:13.000 Why is it so... 0.99

00:49:14.000 What is it?

00:49:15.000 What about the human condition?

00:49:17.000 How can we, from a primordial perspective...

00:49:22.000 It's so true. 0.84

00:49:23.000 I just am trying to do...

00:49:24.000 I can't.

00:49:25.000 Why is it so embarrassing?

00:49:26.000 Maybe if you're a good singer...

00:49:28.000 This was a good singer, too. 0.91

00:49:29.000 That actually made it worse.

00:49:30.000 Yeah, but even if you're a good singer, if it's just you and this one person, you're alone in your kitchen, and they start looking you in the eyes singing, you're like, Hey, hey, hey!

00:49:37.000 Hey, stop it! 1.00

00:49:38.000 Cut the shit. 1.00

00:49:39.000 That is an act of aggression. 1.00

00:49:40.000 It is.

00:49:40.000 Well, it really is a very alpha thing to do.

00:49:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:49:42.000 You have to listen now.

00:49:43.000 Because making eye contact, it just makes me...

00:49:45.000 The guitar...

00:49:46.000 And you're so comfortable, you could look someone in the eye and sing?

00:49:49.000 Nope, nope.

00:49:49.000 Gotta go.

00:49:50.000 It's a wrap.

00:49:51.000 It's a wrap.

00:49:51.000 Can't do it.

00:49:52.000 Like something really intense, right?

00:49:54.000 Like what would be an intense song you would sing to someone?

00:49:56.000 Like a Sam Smith banger?

00:49:59.000 Right, right, right. 0.82

00:50:00.000 Maybe some Elliot Smith, where you're thinking about sticking a knife in your heart. 0.69

00:50:04.000 It's just...

00:50:05.000 It's just some...

00:50:06.000 What is it?

00:50:07.000 Soul stuff.

00:50:08.000 Because we are designed music...

00:50:10.000 Releases endorphins, right?

00:50:11.000 When we listen to music.

00:50:12.000 But it's great in a small gathering where a bunch of people are singing together.

00:50:15.000 Or is it just because we're comedians?

00:50:16.000 I think it's just people on top of each other.

00:50:18.000 Is this R. Kelly?

00:50:22.000 Well, he's wearing glasses.

00:50:23.000 He's wearing glasses.

00:50:24.000 It's different.

00:50:25.000 I could do it in sunglasses.

00:50:26.000 It's super bright where he is. 1.00

00:50:28.000 I don't fuck with karaoke. 1.00

00:50:29.000 I don't fuck with any of that shit. 1.00

00:50:31.000 No. 1.00

00:50:31.000 I'm not into that. 1.00

00:50:33.000 Not interested.

00:50:33.000 I did it once on a radio station.

00:50:36.000 I sang a Kiss song.

00:50:37.000 How did that go?

00:50:38.000 It was great.

00:50:39.000 Really?

00:50:39.000 Yeah.

00:50:40.000 You're like... 0.99

00:50:40.000 We were high as fuck, and they had this thing that they did on Alice. 0.99

00:50:45.000 It was a radio station in San Francisco. 0.99

00:50:47.000 Yeah.

00:50:49.000 Alice was the...

00:50:50.000 Yeah, it was Sarah and No Name were the hosts of the show.

00:50:54.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:54.000 Remember those guys?

00:50:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:55.000 I think they have another thing now.

00:50:57.000 Are they doing a podcast or something?

00:50:59.000 Probably.

00:51:00.000 I mean...

00:51:01.000 Yeah.

00:51:02.000 What do you show?

00:51:03.000 More R. Kelly? 1.00

00:51:03.000 She's like playing with his dick while he's on stage singing. 1.00

00:51:06.000 Oh, there's a girl behind him playing with his dick while he's on stage singing? 1.00

00:51:09.000 Wait, I don't understand. 1.00

00:51:09.000 I don't understand. 1.00

00:51:10.000 Is that enjoyable? 1.00

00:51:11.000 Someone just playing with a dick that's... 1.00

00:51:15.000 So this girl is reaching up, grabbing his dick while he's singing. 1.00

00:51:18.000 Where's her hand? 1.00

00:51:18.000 Her hand. 1.00

00:51:19.000 She has a towel. 1.00

00:51:20.000 But that's her dick. 1.00

00:51:21.000 That's his balls, isn't it? 1.00

00:51:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:23.000 Oh, no.

00:51:24.000 This is upsetting.

00:51:26.000 It's beautiful.

00:51:27.000 Speaking of garbage bags, what are those pants?

00:51:29.000 He's smoking a Stogie while he's doing this in front of 50,000 people.

00:51:32.000 Oh, God.

00:51:33.000 Insane.

00:51:34.000 Wait, is that enjoyable? 1.00

00:51:35.000 Having someone just towel your dick from behind? 1.00

00:51:38.000 I'd have to have it happen. 1.00

00:51:39.000 Especially in front of all those people.

00:51:41.000 I feel like that would be uncomfortable.

00:51:42.000 Depends on how you do it.

00:51:44.000 Some people are really good at playing golf. 1.00

00:51:45.000 Other people, this is fucking... 1.00

00:51:47.000 You look more like badminton to me. 0.99

00:51:49.000 What's going on here?

00:51:51.000 Same thing?

00:51:51.000 I guess he hands him a towel and they wipe him off.

00:51:54.000 But he's got clothes on.

00:51:55.000 Oh, give me some volume on this.

00:51:56.000 I need to hear this. 0.99

00:51:56.000 What mental illness does he have? 0.99

00:51:58.000 All of them. 0.99

00:51:59.000 Okay.

00:52:02.000 He's got the good ones, the bad ones.

00:52:03.000 They cancel each other out.

00:52:05.000 He's doing great.

00:52:06.000 What is she getting out of this?

00:52:09.000 He's amazing.

00:52:15.000 I don't like this.

00:52:16.000 The Christmas tree is kind of sinister.

00:52:18.000 Come on, this is beautiful.

00:52:24.000 I have to leave.

00:52:25.000 Wipe it off my chin.

00:52:26.000 He's singing it.

00:52:27.000 Come on.

00:52:27.000 You gotta just let it go, Whitney.

00:52:30.000 You gotta let it go.

00:52:31.000 This is hilarious.

00:52:33.000 This is beautiful.

00:52:34.000 He's singing.

00:52:36.000 Lick off my tongue. 0.95

00:52:39.000 How do you know about this video?

00:52:41.000 This is beautiful.

00:52:43.000 This isn't just the only time you do this.

00:52:45.000 By the way, stop having people wipe sweat off you and just take off your fur coat.

00:52:49.000 Stop it. 1.00

00:52:50.000 She's got her hand on his dick. 1.00

00:52:52.000 This is making me sexist against women. 1.00

00:52:55.000 Look at her.

00:52:57.000 Your mother must be very proud.

00:53:00.000 Listen, she's doing a good job.

00:53:02.000 Everybody's happy.

00:53:03.000 I see a lot of love in the room and I see one hater.

00:53:05.000 Oh, look at this!

00:53:06.000 Right here?

00:53:07.000 She's grabbing. 1.00

00:53:08.000 She hurt his dick. 1.00

00:53:10.000 Why would you... 1.00

00:53:12.000 What did she do? 0.80

00:53:13.000 Just grabbed it? 1.00

00:53:14.000 She grabbed it and crushed his balls. 1.00

00:53:16.000 She tried to snatch it and take it home with her. 1.00

00:53:18.000 I feel like this took a turn for the amazing.

00:53:22.000 It's amazing that that's totally legal. 1.00

00:53:23.000 Is having your dick grabbed enjoyable? 1.00

00:53:25.000 Not like that. 1.00

00:53:27.000 She's high-fiving, bitch, I got that dick. 1.00

00:53:28.000 I'm so confused about dicks. 1.00

00:53:29.000 I got that dick. 1.00

00:53:30.000 She's like, get over here. 1.00

00:53:31.000 I'm gonna get it again.

00:53:32.000 What?

00:53:35.000 Women are letting me down. 1.00

00:53:37.000 It's not all women.

00:53:38.000 You can't be on Team Woman. 0.97

00:53:39.000 That's crazy.

00:53:39.000 That's a human being.

00:53:40.000 I agree, but I get a little bit where I'm like, meh.

00:53:43.000 You are not on the same team.

00:53:45.000 You're a human being who also happens to be female. 0.99

00:53:48.000 People get ridiculous. 0.99

00:53:49.000 You can't say women. 1.00

00:53:50.000 It's one crazy person. 0.96

00:53:52.000 I agree, but I need everyone to class it up.

00:53:53.000 Everyone needs to just elevate. 0.99

00:53:54.000 What about R. Kelly dropping his dick in front of some confused woman? 1.00

00:53:57.000 I think he's disgusting. 1.00

00:53:59.000 She's probably drunk. 0.99

00:54:00.000 When was that?

00:54:01.000 Was that recent?

00:54:02.000 Exciting?

00:54:02.000 That video was from December.

00:54:04.000 He's garbage. 0.99

00:54:05.000 Recent? 1.00

00:54:06.000 He does that, I think, probably every show. 0.99

00:54:08.000 First of all, how dare you say he's garbage? 1.00

00:54:11.000 He's garbage. 0.99

00:54:12.000 He has provided some of the best unintentional comedy in the history of the world. 0.99

00:54:16.000 That's our job!

00:54:17.000 I don't like it when musicians take our job.

00:54:19.000 Oh, no, no, no, no.

00:54:20.000 I don't like it when musicians...

00:54:21.000 Have you ever heard Real Talk?

00:54:24.000 No?

00:54:25.000 What is that?

00:54:26.000 A song?

00:54:26.000 Oh, is this where he talks for the entire song?

00:54:29.000 It's going to be a beautiful moment in the Joe Rogan Experience podcast.

00:54:31.000 Please don't make eye contact with me. 0.90

00:54:33.000 Even if we get pulled off YouTube, I don't give a fuck, we get pulled off YouTube basically every video anyway.

00:54:38.000 Why?

00:54:38.000 Because of copyright stuff?

00:54:40.000 Oh, we get claims and then we get demonetized.

00:54:43.000 It's hard out there for a pimp.

00:54:44.000 But you got to listen to this. 1.00

00:54:46.000 Is this going to make me have an orgasm? 0.99

00:54:48.000 Play it. 1.00

00:54:49.000 Play it.

00:54:49.000 We're going to play it.

00:54:50.000 We're going to comment over it.

00:54:51.000 And then if we lose this episode, we'll re-upload it.

00:54:54.000 Take this out.

00:54:55.000 And then this is going to have to go out live.

00:54:57.000 All you internet folks.

00:54:58.000 You're going to have to take chunks of this and save this part.

00:55:01.000 Am I going to climax?

00:55:03.000 Don't make eye contact with me, Joe.

00:55:05.000 Don't look at me. 1.00

00:55:06.000 The profanity represents just how real shit gets when you're arguing with your girl and shit. 1.00

00:55:12.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:55:13.000 You're arguing with your girl because all you do is cheat.

00:55:17.000 Hold on, hold on.

00:55:18.000 I gotta give me a drink.

00:55:19.000 You gotta give me a drink.

00:55:20.000 Take me a shot.

00:55:21.000 Oh, take me a shot.

00:55:22.000 Okay.

00:55:23.000 Smokey's jumping off here, so.

00:55:24.000 Oh.

00:55:25.000 Oh, what is that?

00:55:26.000 I'm just gonna be real.

00:55:27.000 Sequent.

00:55:28.000 Here we go.

00:55:28.000 We're gonna do it.

00:55:29.000 I'm doing this for the fans that I know around the globe.

00:55:33.000 Okay.

00:55:33.000 Love Real Talk.

00:55:34.000 Real Talk.

00:55:35.000 Oh.

00:55:38.000 Wait a minute.

00:55:38.000 Calm down.

00:55:41.000 I was at a club with who?

00:55:42.000 This is the happiest I've ever seen you, Joe!

00:55:45.000 Listen to this.

00:55:46.000 Man, you know what?

00:55:48.000 Is that a landline?

00:55:49.000 Girl, I'm not about to sit up here and argue with you about who's to blame or call no name.

00:55:55.000 Real talk.

00:55:57.000 Is that a sequined bomber jacket?

00:56:01.000 Only thing I'm trying to establish.

00:56:03.000 Establish?

00:56:05.000 Meanwhile, he's getting braided.

00:56:07.000 I... It gets better.

00:56:12.000 Listen to this.

00:56:14.000 Did she say there were other guys there?

00:56:20.000 Well, tell me this.

00:56:25.000 Why was there any music?

00:56:28.000 That was kind of a mind bug.

00:56:35.000 He is the Martin Luther King of our day.

00:57:02.000 Why is he looking into the camera?

00:57:05.000 I feel violated.

00:57:06.000 I feel violated.

00:57:10.000 What?

00:57:11.000 Is you tweaking?

00:57:14.000 Here goes.

00:57:14.000 Is this a song or is this a song?

00:57:29.000 Is this real?

00:57:31.000 Is this real?

00:57:32.000 It gets better.

00:57:37.000 She's calling his mom's house?

00:57:44.000 That is the best comeback ever. 1.00

00:57:46.000 Fuck me! 1.00

00:57:47.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:57:47.000 It's my favorite part! 1.00

00:58:07.000 Someone needs to burn your fucking clothes cause they are hideously ugly. 1.00

00:58:13.000 This isn't real. 1.00

00:58:15.000 What's happening?

00:58:17.000 Guys are fighting.

00:58:18.000 This is what men do.

00:58:20.000 Real talk.

00:58:21.000 Real talk.

00:58:21.000 This is real.

00:58:22.000 Don't you get it? 1.00

00:58:23.000 Why don't you go fuck one of your funky ass friends? 1.00

00:58:26.000 You probably already are. 1.00

00:58:27.000 You're probably already doing that shit anyway. 1.00

00:58:30.000 You need to break up with this girl. 1.00

00:58:32.000 This isn't a healthy relationship. 1.00

00:58:33.000 Bitch, I wish you I would burn my motherfucking clothes. 1.00

00:58:37.000 I like, fuck me. 1.00

00:58:39.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:58:40.000 What? 1.00

00:58:41.000 Those are the best lyrics ever.

00:58:43.000 Great comeback.

00:58:44.000 This is a game changer.

00:58:47.000 It's a game changer.

00:58:48.000 You need to know that's out there.

00:58:49.000 That's not real.

00:58:50.000 I mean, that's real.

00:58:51.000 It's real.

00:58:52.000 That's a real song.

00:58:53.000 That's a real song.

00:58:54.000 That's a non-ironic real song. 1.00

00:58:56.000 That shit's genius. 0.99

00:58:57.000 I changed my mind. 1.00

00:58:57.000 He's an artist. 1.00

00:58:58.000 He's an artist.

00:58:59.000 He's a visionary.

00:59:00.000 He's a performance artist. 1.00

00:59:01.000 Leave your 20-year-old at his house, but he's a goddamn visionary. 0.99

00:59:05.000 That requires an amount of bravery that I'll never understand. 0.99

00:59:09.000 No one will.

00:59:10.000 You have to be that guy.

00:59:11.000 Yelling one side of a conversation.

00:59:13.000 And humiliating.

00:59:14.000 I mean, that's what a real fight would sound like.

00:59:16.000 Did you say there was other guys there?

00:59:18.000 Did you say there was other guys there?

00:59:21.000 What the?

00:59:23.000 The use of silence in that song is brilliant.

00:59:27.000 It's art.

00:59:28.000 Art.

00:59:29.000 That is art.

00:59:30.000 I'm feeling so many different emotions simultaneously that I've never felt before.

00:59:35.000 It's repulsive art.

00:59:36.000 It's almost like a disgusting punk rock scene.

00:59:42.000 Well, it also made me examine a lot of my own beliefs.

00:59:46.000 I have a lot to think about.

00:59:49.000 You need to know that's real. 1.00

00:59:51.000 There's a dude out there running shit like that. 1.00

00:59:53.000 He's got a sex cult now. 1.00

00:59:55.000 Oh! 0.91

00:59:56.000 Have you heard this?

00:59:56.000 Really?

00:59:57.000 Do tell.

00:59:58.000 There's been all these stories that R. Kelly, they're accusing him of having some sort of a sex cult.

01:00:03.000 Oh, I think I did hear about this.

01:00:04.000 I tried to join.

01:00:05.000 These girls were separated from their families. 0.98

01:00:07.000 You tried to join?

01:00:07.000 Yeah, I tried to join us.

01:00:08.000 What's the requirements?

01:00:12.000 A heroin addiction.

01:00:14.000 Lack of frontal lobe.

01:00:16.000 No college education.

01:00:19.000 Love of R. Kelly.

01:00:21.000 Holder of the towel.

01:00:23.000 And you can't be literate.

01:00:24.000 Right.

01:00:25.000 But once you hold a towel and grab a snake.

01:00:28.000 A woman said she was under the spell of a master manipulator, R. Kelly.

01:00:32.000 After watching that video, I feel like I would actually like to join this cult.

01:00:37.000 I have some questions.

01:00:38.000 If you say that you were under the spell of a master manipulator...

01:00:41.000 But can I ask you a question? 0.98

01:00:42.000 Why do you need to start a sex cult? 0.98

01:00:43.000 Why can't you just get a girlfriend? 1.00

01:00:44.000 I don't know.

01:00:45.000 You'd have to talk to R. Kelly.

01:00:46.000 Is the idea to sleep with a lot of people?

01:00:48.000 Can't you just...

01:00:49.000 You're already a musician.

01:00:50.000 Don't you get to do that anyway?

01:00:51.000 You'd have to talk to R. I do not want to speak for the man. 0.99

01:00:55.000 I don't want to.

01:00:56.000 Because, yeah, because I, you know...

01:00:59.000 I don't know if he's really doing that. 1.00

01:01:01.000 Anyone who comes back from fuck you with, fuck you, it's infinity. 1.00

01:01:06.000 Fuck me, girl, fuck you! 1.00

01:01:07.000 It's literally infinity. 1.00

01:01:09.000 You can't argue with that.

01:01:10.000 Real talk!

01:01:10.000 It's banging your head against a brick wall.

01:01:12.000 You cannot want to fight with that guy, because he just repeats your insults back to you. 0.62

01:01:16.000 Yeah, I don't know if he's really running a sex cult, but if he is, why does anybody ever run a cult? 0.95

01:01:20.000 Isn't any pop star running a sex cult?

01:01:22.000 Isn't that what being a pop star is?

01:01:24.000 What does it say here?

01:01:25.000 This is Kitty, you gave me your number, he said, always refer to me as Daddy.

01:01:29.000 Oh, no.

01:01:31.000 That's not good.

01:01:34.000 I mean, whatever.

01:01:35.000 We say baby during sex, which has been weird to me. 0.99

01:01:40.000 It does make sense that if that was your kid, though, you'd be freaking the fuck out. 0.99

01:01:45.000 Your kid's in R. Kelly's basement. 0.98

01:01:46.000 You don't strike me as someone who fights with women. 0.99

01:01:51.000 I'm not into it.

01:01:52.000 I don't like fighting.

01:01:53.000 I don't think it's fun.

01:01:54.000 It's not necessary most of the time, too.

01:01:56.000 Yeah.

01:01:57.000 That's the point.

01:01:57.000 It's not necessary.

01:01:58.000 I no longer have the need to have those chaotic arguments and stuff.

01:02:02.000 But people disagree all the time.

01:02:04.000 I've had pretty heated arguments with some of my best friends.

01:02:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:06.000 And sometimes over ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:02:09.000 Right. 1.00

01:02:09.000 You know, I think it's the same with relationships. 1.00

01:02:11.000 Like, you should never say something in a relationship.

01:02:14.000 Like, people say things in relationships I feel that they would never say to, like, their best friend.

01:02:19.000 Like, it's very rare.

01:02:21.000 That's interesting.

01:02:22.000 That you would, like, say something to your best friend Like a hurtful thing without...

01:02:28.000 I mean, at least me, the way I think it.

01:02:30.000 I don't want to hurt my best friend's feelings.

01:02:33.000 Or any good friend. 1.00

01:02:34.000 If they're acting a fool and it's like, I have to say this uncomfortable thing to protect you from yourself because what you're doing is stupid or dangerous. 1.00

01:02:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:40.000 And I feel like most men agree with that. 1.00

01:02:42.000 But... 0.97

01:02:43.000 Most men that I've talked to about fights with their wives, a lot of guys have told me that shit can get really ugly and you start going after the things that you know are going to hurt the other person's feelings. 0.97

01:02:53.000 It's like, woo! 0.97

01:02:54.000 And I was like, do you do that with your friends?

01:02:56.000 And they were like, no.

01:02:57.000 I don't do that with my friends.

01:02:58.000 I mean, that's the whole point of what a friend is.

01:03:00.000 I used to have weird, acrimonious things with friends.

01:03:03.000 I'm like, this doesn't make any sense. 0.99

01:03:05.000 If I'm not fucking you, I'm not fighting with you. 0.99

01:03:07.000 Friends should be a safe place. 1.00

01:03:10.000 I see a lot of friends of mine going down in a blaze of glory on Instagram with their crazy...

01:03:16.000 Have you ever lost...

01:03:17.000 A Bon Jovi song?

01:03:18.000 I've lost some friends to Instagram.

01:03:20.000 Like, oak trees are falling every day with the just losing their minds with their documenting every last thing.

01:03:27.000 And I've done a couple interventions where I'm like, hey, you're starting to look crazy and it never goes well.

01:03:32.000 Trying to help.

01:03:35.000 Trying to just, like, hold a mirror up. 1.00

01:03:37.000 You're starting to look bad shit. 1.00

01:03:38.000 You gotta take your kids off. 1.00

01:03:40.000 You can't be filming them and saying their name and saying where they live.

01:03:42.000 It's just dangerous, you know?

01:03:44.000 I want someone to tell me...

01:03:46.000 You would tell me if I was going crazy, right?

01:03:48.000 Well, there's definitely a lot of people that get addicted to the idea of posting things and then reading the likes.

01:03:52.000 That's exactly right.

01:03:53.000 Getting the feedback, feedback.

01:03:54.000 There's some sort of a weird serotonin thing that comes from that.

01:03:57.000 Oh, for sure.

01:03:58.000 Yeah, yeah, definitely. 0.99

01:03:59.000 I mean, it's like rats with the fucking, whatever, the Skinner box. 0.98

01:04:02.000 It's not just like Pavlovian response. 0.99

01:04:04.000 I was at Instagram the other day.

01:04:05.000 They said the average Instagram user goes to Instagram 35 times a day.

01:04:08.000 Oh, Jesus!

01:04:09.000 35 times a day.

01:04:10.000 That's more than once an hour.

01:04:12.000 It's nice to know I'm average.

01:04:14.000 Do you think you go that often?

01:04:15.000 No.

01:04:16.000 I'm probably close though.

01:04:17.000 Yeah?

01:04:18.000 I go a lot.

01:04:18.000 I feel like I'll go five times in a row and then not for like a couple hours.

01:04:22.000 I follow a bunch of really cool nature ones.

01:04:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

01:04:27.000 Oh my god.

01:04:27.000 I know.

01:04:28.000 And travel things. 0.99

01:04:29.000 Now I follow doctors and surgeries and zit popping and that kind of shit. 0.99

01:04:33.000 Oh, do you follow Dr. Pimple Popper? 0.99

01:04:34.000 Yes, of course.

01:04:35.000 She's amazing.

01:04:36.000 Yes, I'm obsessed.

01:04:37.000 I like when they take a tool and push down and it comes out.

01:04:39.000 Yeah, why is that so satisfying?

01:04:41.000 Because as humans, we're designed to groom each other. 0.97

01:04:44.000 Because before antibacterial soap and fucking Purell and stuff, we get endorphins from popping zits and grooming each other. 0.99

01:04:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:52.000 Does your wife ever try to, like, pop zits and stuff on you? 0.99

01:04:54.000 No, I don't really get zits.

01:04:55.000 Really?

01:04:56.000 Well, yeah, no, you don't.

01:04:57.000 Yeah, well, your skin is, like, kind of amazing.

01:04:59.000 But, like, ingrown hairs and stuff?

01:05:01.000 Does she ever want to, like, get stuff?

01:05:02.000 Oh, my God.

01:05:02.000 With my boyfriend, I'm constantly, like, in his...

01:05:04.000 Popping zits.

01:05:04.000 He hates it.

01:05:05.000 He hates it, but he lets me do it because he knows how I'm poor.

01:05:07.000 I tweeze his eyebrows.

01:05:08.000 So, what is it?

01:05:09.000 It's like a monkey thing, you think?

01:05:10.000 Yes.

01:05:10.000 Like a grooming monkey thing?

01:05:12.000 Yes.

01:05:12.000 So, when we're watching Dr. Pimple Popper lance these zits and pop...

01:05:15.000 Yeah, we get endorphins. 0.76

01:05:17.000 It's like little mini orgasms. 0.75

01:05:19.000 She's unapologetic with it too. 0.81

01:05:20.000 She's not just a doctor.

01:05:22.000 She actually loves it.

01:05:23.000 I go on planes and go in and I squeeze and then stuff comes out of every pore.

01:05:31.000 I love it so much.

01:05:32.000 Do you ever go on planes and squeeze one off and it hits the mirror?

01:05:36.000 No, I don't have the ones that, like, are projectile.

01:05:39.000 I wish I did.

01:05:39.000 I remember I had those in high school.

01:05:41.000 There's something in every one of your fucking little pores. 1.00

01:05:43.000 And if you just, like, squeeze your skin, it'll come out all at the same time. 1.00

01:05:46.000 It's like porn. 0.94

01:05:47.000 I love it. 0.98

01:05:48.000 I live for it.

01:05:48.000 Yeah, in high school, you used to get those volcano zits that, like, you'd be walking around.

01:05:53.000 There was, like, this white bubble.

01:05:54.000 Ugh! 0.97

01:05:55.000 I used to have to get cortisone shots for that.

01:05:57.000 I used to get them, yeah, like when I got my period, they would like, you'd feel them and they'd like hurt.

01:06:02.000 Yeah.

01:06:02.000 And you like can't even sleep on them.

01:06:04.000 And then you'd have to wait like four weeks for them to surface.

01:06:06.000 So I would get a cortisone shot.

01:06:07.000 And right in the time when you're most vulnerable and confused. 0.97

01:06:10.000 As a teenager. 0.99

01:06:11.000 Yeah, your body starts to fuck with the way you look. 0.98

01:06:13.000 What is the biological basis for having acne as a teenager? 0.97

01:06:15.000 It's a hormonal thing.

01:06:16.000 It's some sort of a reaction.

01:06:18.000 And there's a bunch of different ways to mitigate it.

01:06:20.000 A lot of these medications are really heavy.

01:06:22.000 They dry your skin out.

01:06:23.000 Oh, I took Accutane.

01:06:25.000 Oh, I took Accutane twice. 0.72

01:06:27.000 Does it make you crazy or something?

01:06:29.000 I mean, you met me.

01:06:30.000 What do you think?

01:06:32.000 I can't blame it on the Accutane.

01:06:33.000 No, but there was this great...

01:06:35.000 When you take it, you have to take birth control simultaneously.

01:06:38.000 You have to.

01:06:39.000 You have to because it causes birth defects in fetuses. 0.96

01:06:41.000 So I'm like, if this causes birth defects, maybe I shouldn't be putting it in my bloodstream.

01:06:45.000 And the side effects are so gnarly.

01:06:49.000 Suicidal.

01:06:49.000 You have to sign these forms saying this could...

01:06:51.000 Push the thing forward. 0.99

01:06:52.000 Oh, sorry. 0.99

01:06:53.000 Draw you to suicide. 1.00

01:06:54.000 Like, anal bleeding is one of them. 1.00

01:06:56.000 Hey! 0.99

01:06:57.000 Hey! 0.99

01:06:57.000 Anal bleeding? 0.99

01:06:58.000 You're giving that to a 14-year-old?

01:07:00.000 My skin started flaking off in, like, croissant, like, pastry sheets.

01:07:06.000 And my lips were, like, bleeding.

01:07:08.000 It was a nightmare.

01:07:09.000 Your eyes start itching and drying out.

01:07:11.000 Like, this isn't ready for the market.

01:07:12.000 Don't release this product yet.

01:07:14.000 It's not a thing.

01:07:15.000 Now, was it possibly, like, you took too much of it?

01:07:17.000 No.

01:07:17.000 You're on it for six months, and that's just, it varies.

01:07:20.000 Yeah, it dries your skin out, or, like, hair starts mauling out.

01:07:23.000 But my skin cleared up.

01:07:25.000 God, that's awful.

01:07:26.000 But does it have behavioral effects as well?

01:07:27.000 Or am I making it up?

01:07:28.000 I mean, yeah.

01:07:29.000 Here's my thing.

01:07:30.000 It says increases your risk of suicide.

01:07:33.000 Oh, Christ.

01:07:34.000 But when you're a teenager having bad skin, it's like a chicken or an egg thing, you know, because all you want to do is fit in.

01:07:40.000 So I'm always like, was it the Accutane or was it the bad skin?

01:07:42.000 I don't know.

01:07:43.000 That's what they're arguing, I guess.

01:07:45.000 Would you ever let your kids go on Accutane?

01:07:46.000 No.

01:07:47.000 No.

01:07:48.000 Smart.

01:07:48.000 I mean, I wonder what natural alternatives there are.

01:07:52.000 Like, I wonder if anything has to do with the amount of probiotics you take.

01:07:56.000 I wonder if anything has to do, like, any of it could be mitigated with...

01:07:59.000 Well, it's about oil glands, really.

01:08:01.000 It's genetic.

01:08:01.000 There's not a ton you can do about it.

01:08:03.000 Yeah, but is that the case?

01:08:04.000 Do the genes express themselves exactly the same way, dependent upon environmental stress, the amount of nutrition you take in, the way you clean your skin?

01:08:14.000 I mean, your oil glands, I don't know.

01:08:15.000 Can you shrink or grow oil glands based on diet?

01:08:17.000 I don't know, but it's not uniform, right?

01:08:19.000 So there's only a few in certain places.

01:08:22.000 It's variable.

01:08:23.000 I have large oil glands and large pores.

01:08:25.000 Right, but it's not all your pores get infected, right?

01:08:28.000 So some of them do.

01:08:29.000 Like, why are they getting infected?

01:08:30.000 Yeah, that's a good question.

01:08:30.000 How much of that could be dietary?

01:08:32.000 How much of that could be changed?

01:08:33.000 Like, what if you cut out dairy?

01:08:34.000 Who knows?

01:08:35.000 Huh, yeah.

01:08:36.000 There's probably a lot of things that are causing issues.

01:08:38.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:08:40.000 From what I gathered, and this could just be all of the dermatologists trying to prescribe me more stuff, but a lot of it is genetic.

01:08:45.000 I'm sure.

01:08:46.000 But yeah, diet, I know.

01:08:47.000 But I wonder if it could be mitigated with diet, or I wonder if maybe poor diet exacerbates it.

01:08:52.000 Yeah, I don't know, probably.

01:08:53.000 I'm just guessing, but I just wonder if medication can do something for you.

01:08:58.000 Maybe there's another way to do it, to handle it in some sort of a more all-encompassing way.

01:09:03.000 Because those deep cystic ones, that is just so...

01:09:06.000 Those are the worst.

01:09:07.000 Yeah, but I think it's probably a hormonal thing.

01:09:09.000 Can you control your hormones with diet?

01:09:11.000 I doubt it.

01:09:12.000 I mean, I'm sure it enhances your body's ability to produce hormones if you eat the right foods.

01:09:18.000 Yeah.

01:09:18.000 But I wonder, as a child, you're in such a state of flux.

01:09:23.000 And it might actually be, I wonder if there's some biological basis for like the Darwinism of having really bad skin and overcoming it, you know?

01:09:31.000 Like what is the point of that in terms of your pecking order in the tribe of like having some kind of stigma and overcoming it and if you're more of a badass, like...

01:09:40.000 That's interesting.

01:09:41.000 There was an article, I don't remember, Scientific American or something, that people who had acne are over-performers in life because they had to overcompensate and overcome adversity.

01:09:50.000 The more adversity you overcome, the more resilient you are.

01:09:53.000 And yeah, it was just like something about you work harder.

01:09:58.000 Isn't that funny how something will come up and it seems completely contradictory?

01:10:02.000 Yeah.

01:10:02.000 Then you stop and look at it and you go, oh, okay.

01:10:04.000 They had to try harder so they got stronger.

01:10:07.000 But then again, who's tracing the people who had acne who weren't successful?

01:10:10.000 No one's following them and they don't know about them.

01:10:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:12.000 But is there a disproportionate amount of people with acne that succeed?

01:10:16.000 Apparently, it was some study about a ton of people who say, I was a dork in high school, I had acne, I was a loser, and then they're CEOs of companies or performers or entertainers.

01:10:25.000 Like Bill Murray.

01:10:26.000 You become funny, you sort of have to develop some kind of personality to fit in because you're so stigmatized.

01:10:31.000 That line of thinking is real similar.

01:10:34.000 It's similarly criticized to the line of thinking that they use in the movie The Secret.

01:10:40.000 Remember that?

01:10:41.000 I was just talking about The Secret, yeah.

01:10:43.000 Yeah, the problem with that thing is not that the law of attraction isn't real.

01:10:47.000 Not that if you don't focus on something and put your energy towards something, you're more likely to achieve it than if you don't focus on those things.

01:10:53.000 Right.

01:10:53.000 But the problem is you're only looking at winners.

01:10:55.000 Right.

01:10:56.000 You're only looking at people...

01:10:57.000 Of course.

01:10:58.000 Yeah, who focus... 0.98

01:10:59.000 No one's following the losers.

01:11:00.000 There's so many of those.

01:11:01.000 If you just go over 300 million people, it's easy to find a few thousand super winners like those people.

01:11:05.000 Totally.

01:11:06.000 You find them and you say, what made you so successful?

01:11:08.000 And they will tell you, you know, I use the power of the law of attraction and I wrote things down and I had a vision board and I went towards, but you also like took all the necessary steps to make that happen.

01:11:19.000 You also were very disciplined and worked hard.

01:11:22.000 But some people don't, and you also thought it through correctly, right?

01:11:25.000 There's a puzzle in front of you.

01:11:27.000 You solved it.

01:11:28.000 All of a sudden, I'm the CEO of Exxon.

01:11:29.000 All of a sudden, I started Apple. 1.00

01:11:32.000 You have to figure that fucking thing out. 0.98

01:11:34.000 Just because you made it there doesn't mean you have a valid roadmap that anyone can use and just think positive and think about the future and make some sort of vision map, and it's definitely going to work out. 0.99

01:11:45.000 No, you have to do all the right things, too, and it's not going to be easy.

01:11:48.000 Most people are going to quit.

01:11:49.000 But the kind of person who goes to buy The Secret and makes a vision board is probably the same person who's going to do all the right things.

01:11:55.000 Hopefully.

01:11:56.000 Right?

01:11:56.000 But there's a lot of people that will try a new thing like that and they sort of start them out and then they bail on them.

01:12:01.000 And I used to do that for a long time.

01:12:04.000 Me too. 1.00

01:12:04.000 Fuck, I did that for a long time. 1.00

01:12:06.000 I would get like those Anthony Robbins books on tape and I would listen to them and then I'd bail. 0.99

01:12:10.000 Do you remember Zig Ziglar?

01:12:11.000 Did you ever listen to that guy?

01:12:12.000 He was like one of those.

01:12:13.000 That was a rich one though, right? 0.99

01:12:14.000 It was like dream and become rich or some shit? 0.98

01:12:17.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:12:17.000 Or is he how to influence people? 0.98

01:12:20.000 I don't remember. 0.97

01:12:21.000 Zig Ziglar, he was like something positive thinking bullshit, I know. 0.91

01:12:25.000 Sounds like an English pop star. 0.96

01:12:28.000 Wait, so you would start these inspirational things? 0.97

01:12:31.000 Yeah, I'd start these programs and I'd just fucking bail on it for whatever reason.

01:12:35.000 I never completely disciplined myself with any sort of self-help program. 0.91

01:12:39.000 I would start them out and then I'd bail on them.

01:12:41.000 Yeah, but it's like everybody has a different...

01:12:43.000 I mean, do you feel like your training is kind of that now?

01:12:47.000 Yeah, but I think even then, it was just a matter of me just developing as a person and being able to understand the process of disciplining myself better.

01:12:57.000 Because I was never very disciplined when I was younger.

01:13:00.000 I would just get obsessed with things.

01:13:02.000 And I would do them because that's all I wanted to do all the time.

01:13:04.000 It never felt like discipline because it felt like this was something I wanted to do.

01:13:08.000 Well, productivity and cooperation makes dopamine, right?

01:13:10.000 Right.

01:13:11.000 So I had to learn after the fact how to be disciplined.

01:13:15.000 Discipline is doing a bunch of stuff I don't want to do.

01:13:17.000 You strike me as, I mean, one of the most disciplined people.

01:13:20.000 I mean, you're certainly one of the most disciplined people I know.

01:13:23.000 I know more disciplined people than me.

01:13:24.000 Really?

01:13:25.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:13:26.000 Wow.

01:13:26.000 My friend Cameron Haynes.

01:13:28.000 I talk about him too much on the podcast.

01:13:29.000 People are thinking we're gay for each other.

01:13:31.000 He's your polar bear.

01:13:33.000 He's the guy who taught me how to bow hunt.

01:13:35.000 And he runs ultra marathons.

01:13:37.000 And he works a full-time job.

01:13:38.000 And he has a family.

01:13:39.000 Wow.

01:13:39.000 He runs a marathon a day.

01:13:41.000 You can follow him on Instagram.

01:13:43.000 What?

01:13:43.000 Yep.

01:13:43.000 Follow him on Instagram.

01:13:44.000 Where?

01:13:44.000 Pull up his Instagram story.

01:13:45.000 He lives in Eugene, Oregon.

01:13:47.000 And he runs Mount Pisgah is the mountain.

01:13:50.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:13:51.000 He's a fucking savage. 1.00

01:13:53.000 I mean, I think there's something to be said, though. 1.00

01:13:55.000 Like, I'm pretty disciplined, but I think my next step is to be like, you know what?

01:13:59.000 Let things be sloppy. 0.96

01:14:00.000 Wake up and don't know what you're going to fucking do, because I am just so attached to rigid control. 0.97

01:14:05.000 Well, here's the thing, though. 1.00

01:14:06.000 As a comic, that fuck-off instinct is a good one. 0.99

01:14:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:14:11.000 It's good to have, because fuck-off is where the ideas come from. 0.98

01:14:13.000 Like, what? 0.98

01:14:14.000 I only feel like I can do that on stage. 1.00

01:14:15.000 Look at this crazy fucker. 1.00

01:14:17.000 He runs a goddamn marathon a day, and I'm not kidding. 1.00

01:14:19.000 Is that healthy? 1.00

01:14:20.000 No.

01:14:21.000 For sure.

01:14:21.000 It's definitely not healthy.

01:14:22.000 He doesn't care.

01:14:23.000 He's training for something called the Moab 240, where it's 238 miles of running.

01:14:31.000 At one time?

01:14:32.000 Yep.

01:14:33.000 Is that possible?

01:14:33.000 It takes more than three days.

01:14:34.000 Yeah, it takes more than three days.

01:14:36.000 He did 205 already.

01:14:38.000 Does he run in sneakers?

01:14:39.000 Yeah.

01:14:40.000 Under Armour.

01:14:41.000 He runs in these things called fat tires.

01:14:42.000 They've got like a good amount of cushioning to them.

01:14:44.000 Yeah.

01:14:44.000 Because the amount of pounding you constantly do, he likes it that way.

01:14:48.000 It's just like, he's talking, you're talking extreme volume of running.

01:14:52.000 I mean, it's just insane.

01:14:54.000 His knees are just, that can't be great.

01:14:56.000 See, he's fine.

01:14:56.000 But he's not running on pavement.

01:14:57.000 He's running on...

01:14:58.000 Sometimes he runs on pavement.

01:14:59.000 Sometimes he runs on the road.

01:15:00.000 I mean, he'll run early in the morning near his house.

01:15:02.000 This is the Moab 205 endurance race.

01:15:05.000 How many people do it?

01:15:06.000 230, 240. Moab 200?

01:15:08.000 I've seen it called the Moab 200. It's four days of running?

01:15:11.000 It says 240. I've heard it called the 240. I think they changed it to the 240. They were calling it the 200. Do you get paid?

01:15:16.000 What is the... 0.99

01:15:17.000 It's a good question, but look at the fucking scenery. 0.99

01:15:19.000 And look what happens if you slip. 0.99

01:15:21.000 But you're looking down.

01:15:22.000 You're not enjoying the scenery.

01:15:22.000 But look if you fell.

01:15:24.000 Hi.

01:15:24.000 Goodbye.

01:15:25.000 See you.

01:15:26.000 Bye.

01:15:27.000 No one.

01:15:28.000 No one is surviving that.

01:15:29.000 Obamacare cannot help you, sir.

01:15:31.000 No.

01:15:31.000 There will be no Trumpcare that gets you out of that crevice in between those rocks.

01:15:35.000 Okay, so it's...

01:15:36.000 Jesus!

01:15:37.000 And this is for four days.

01:15:39.000 More than three days.

01:15:40.000 And they stop and eat?

01:15:41.000 Yeah, you stop.

01:15:42.000 They get, like, a snack.

01:15:44.000 But the strongest runners, they keep running.

01:15:47.000 They don't go to sleep.

01:15:48.000 How many runners?

01:15:50.000 I don't know.

01:15:50.000 It's interesting.

01:15:51.000 I think he said 100 entered the 200, the Bigfoot 200, and he said 45 completed it.

01:15:58.000 I think those are the numbers.

01:15:58.000 I remember 45 completing it.

01:16:00.000 And what is the main element of someone that completes this?

01:16:04.000 Is it mental tenacity?

01:16:05.000 Is it physical?

01:16:06.000 It's not physical.

01:16:07.000 It's mental.

01:16:07.000 It's mental tenacity because, first of all, physical is involved.

01:16:10.000 You certainly have to be physically tough to do this.

01:16:14.000 But the physical toughness is most of the time dictated by your mental toughness.

01:16:19.000 It's like the Navy Seals that make it are never the biggest or the strongest, right?

01:16:22.000 You know, David Goggins, that ultra-endurathon runner, Navy Seal character, who's like a famous ultra-marathon athlete, he always says that people quit at 40%.

01:16:33.000 What?

01:16:34.000 Yeah, most people quit at 40%.

01:16:36.000 40% of their capability.

01:16:37.000 That's probably the place where you get to go like, I didn't fail, I stopped.

01:16:40.000 No, you get to go to, I can't do this anymore, I gotta stop, I gotta stop, I gotta stop.

01:16:43.000 And that's 40% of what you're actually capable of.

01:16:46.000 So where does mental, I mean it comes from adversity at a young age, right?

01:16:49.000 It can, but there's no recipe for it, right? 0.98

01:16:53.000 Decide that you don't like being a pussy at 18 and just start doing jujitsu and become one of the hardest trainers in the room. 1.00

01:17:00.000 Escalate who you are and who you become and become some world champion jujitsu person. 0.99

01:17:03.000 It's been done a bunch of times by a bunch of different guys.

01:17:06.000 A lot of world jujitsu champs They're like kind of nerdy, geeky book type characters.

01:17:11.000 Really?

01:17:12.000 Amazing.

01:17:12.000 Yeah.

01:17:13.000 Crazy. 0.99

01:17:13.000 And they become these nerd assassins. 0.99

01:17:16.000 But you are studying.

01:17:16.000 I mean, it is.

01:17:17.000 It's so precise and it's geometry and math.

01:17:21.000 You're kind of just a nerd, right?

01:17:23.000 There's definitely an equation, right?

01:17:25.000 There's definitely some sort of an interactive equation going on.

01:17:28.000 But it's also incredibly physical. 0.98

01:17:29.000 So you get away with all the physical anxiety and all the bullshit that most people carry around with them. 0.93

01:17:34.000 You talk to people after training, after class, everybody's so chilled out. 0.92

01:17:37.000 They're so relaxed.

01:17:38.000 Because they just went to war for like an hour and a half.

01:17:41.000 Everybody's like so chill.

01:17:42.000 And afterwards they're like the funnest guys to hang out with.

01:17:44.000 Go to dinner and laugh and joke around.

01:17:47.000 And what happens if those people don't do it for a month?

01:17:49.000 They get itchy.

01:17:50.000 Every time you get injured, a lot of guys get injured again because they'll get a surgery and then go in too quick.

01:17:57.000 Super common.

01:17:58.000 Because they need that fix.

01:17:59.000 You just want to do it.

01:18:00.000 You miss it so bad.

01:18:00.000 How long can you go without doing stand-up before you start doing bits for your wife?

01:18:06.000 I never do that.

01:18:07.000 She never tolerated.

01:18:09.000 But I could probably go.

01:18:11.000 I mean, I've gone a month.

01:18:13.000 Yeah.

01:18:13.000 But I didn't do that.

01:18:15.000 That's as long as you've gone since you started.

01:18:17.000 Yeah.

01:18:18.000 Wow.

01:18:18.000 Yeah.

01:18:19.000 That was a long time ago.

01:18:21.000 I just did it because I moved, and I settled into a new place, and I was doing a lot of stuff for the UFC, and I was traveling a lot, and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to do nothing for me.

01:18:34.000 But doing UFC stuff, I get so fascinated by our need for visibility and how much do I need and where is this shit coming from and do I exist if I'm not on camera?

01:18:44.000 I need to work on that thing. 0.97

01:18:45.000 Do we exist when we're not fucking documenting?

01:18:49.000 Because I sort of took some time off of being on TV and stuff and then I started being like, do I still exist? 0.70

01:18:54.000 Because I wasn't seen a lot as a kid.

01:18:57.000 But it's like, doing UFC where you're being heard, you're being seen, you're valuable, people love you.

01:19:03.000 Is that the same reward centers in your brain as performing stand-up?

01:19:07.000 No.

01:19:08.000 No, it's totally different.

01:19:09.000 I'm a representative when I'm doing the UFC. It has almost nothing to do with me.

01:19:15.000 The only thing that has to do with me is me.

01:19:17.000 That's not true.

01:19:17.000 It is true.

01:19:17.000 Well, you're the aficionado on this stuff.

01:19:20.000 Honestly, without the fight, without that, what I do is useless.

01:19:27.000 So all I'm doing is trying to use my vocabulary and my creativity and my understanding of what they're doing to I try to keep myself as much as I can out of it.

01:19:44.000 It's not your opinions on tactics.

01:19:47.000 It's not your creative point of view.

01:19:49.000 Sure.

01:19:51.000 It's just my perspective on performances and character and the different interactions between these different people.

01:19:58.000 It's your acumen for understanding the science and stuff, but you're not infusing your incendiary.

01:20:04.000 It's just a very different feeling than being stand-up.

01:20:06.000 When I go to do stand-up, it's like, I'm going to go and I'm going to do my act.

01:20:09.000 Like, hey, here we go.

01:20:10.000 What's up?

01:20:11.000 And it's about me interacting with people.

01:20:13.000 Whereas doing the UFC is really just about being a representative.

01:20:17.000 Like a scientist.

01:20:19.000 More of like an analyst.

01:20:22.000 I've seen so many of these things.

01:20:25.000 I'm like, what does this represent?

01:20:27.000 Oh, I know this code.

01:20:27.000 This code means left high kicks coming.

01:20:29.000 You know, he's moving this.

01:20:31.000 He's lifting his leg.

01:20:31.000 I see where it's coming.

01:20:32.000 The other guy's dropping his hands.

01:20:33.000 Oh, there it is!

01:20:34.000 And you call it, and it's a representation.

01:20:37.000 So it's very different than doing standing.

01:20:39.000 Do you think that athletes will start, or have they already started getting elective surgeries when they don't have injuries?

01:20:45.000 There's only a few that I've ever heard of that think that that's willing to do that, and Brody Stevens actually told me that was wrong.

01:20:52.000 One of them was a Tommy John surgery, where it apparently makes you able to pitch better. 0.55

01:20:56.000 Well, yeah, a lot of those guys, I think, are getting it, but I thought it was you get it when you need it, when your shoulder's fucked up. 0.99

01:21:01.000 Right, I had read that people were getting an elective, and Brody said that was bullshit. 0.99

01:21:05.000 Oh, really? 0.99

01:21:06.000 Well, didn't RG3 get one knee?

01:21:08.000 He did one knee and then he did the other one?

01:21:10.000 Who's RG3? The guy from, am I saying that right?

01:21:13.000 He's a quarterback.

01:21:14.000 Quarterback, the Redskins guy?

01:21:15.000 Yeah, didn't he get elective knee surgery just because they can improve your knee?

01:21:19.000 What?

01:21:20.000 Yeah, when it's not injured.

01:21:21.000 For real?

01:21:21.000 Yeah.

01:21:21.000 I have not heard this at all.

01:21:23.000 He got one knee done because he had two.

01:21:25.000 The running quarterback guy?

01:21:26.000 No.

01:21:26.000 I know nothing about sports.

01:21:29.000 The running quarterback guy? 0.91

01:21:30.000 The black guy. 0.98

01:21:31.000 Yeah, the black guy. 0.99

01:21:31.000 Oh, the black guy. 0.99

01:21:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.96

01:21:32.000 The fast one? 0.96

01:21:33.000 Yeah, yeah, the one that runs with the thing.

01:21:35.000 He's really muscular.

01:21:36.000 The guy, he was on the Redskins, right?

01:21:38.000 Yeah.

01:21:38.000 I've never heard of someone doing that.

01:21:40.000 That's crazy.

01:21:40.000 I don't know.

01:21:41.000 I'm just curious if you think that that's going to start to be a, it's an off-season, I'm just going to get a new wrist, because they can make better ones than genetics can.

01:21:48.000 We've talked about that with legs.

01:21:50.000 Like, what if they get to the point where someone breaks a leg and it gets gangrene, they have to remove the leg, but they replace it with a bionic leg, and it's like the six million dollar man.

01:21:57.000 What if they get you a leg that you can feel and it works way better than your regular legs?

01:22:01.000 What would you rather do?

01:22:02.000 Would you rather be in a wheelchair?

01:22:03.000 Would you rather be on crutches?

01:22:04.000 Or would you rather have a leg that works way better than a regular leg? 1.00

01:22:08.000 Well, you definitely take the fucking leg that works way better, right? 0.95

01:22:11.000 So then, if you feel it and it feels like a regular leg, what's to stop you from just deciding to just do the other leg, too? 0.99

01:22:18.000 How about get your arms done?

01:22:20.000 I'm getting my arms done.

01:22:21.000 I'm getting my neck done.

01:22:22.000 I'm bionic.

01:22:22.000 Yeah, why not?

01:22:24.000 Come on. 0.99

01:22:24.000 Wouldn't you else fucking carry around like that? 0.99

01:22:27.000 For real. 1.00

01:22:27.000 Just carry somebody around. 1.00

01:22:28.000 Every time you send a text message, your phone explodes.

01:22:32.000 I mean, I feel like we might be moving towards this.

01:22:34.000 We now have this, like, where everyone's trying to be a superhuman, super... 0.99

01:22:37.000 Everyone thinks they're a fucking athlete now. 0.96

01:22:39.000 Well, I met a guy who didn't have an arm. 1.00

01:22:41.000 He lost his arm.

01:22:42.000 I forget what the accident was, but he had a carbon fiber arm with an articulating hand.

01:22:47.000 And it could move from his thinking...

01:22:49.000 Well, I don't think so.

01:22:50.000 I think he's moving it somehow or another with his nerves in his forearm.

01:22:54.000 I think somehow or another that's how he's moving it.

01:22:57.000 But I'm not entirely sure.

01:22:59.000 The idea is that they've had people that they put these sort of electrodes or something to their head and they can have them articulate fingers, like people that are paralyzed, these mechanical fingers.

01:23:13.000 It's amazing.

01:23:14.000 But I've done this thing.

01:23:16.000 I went to this lab where they do these tests and we put this helmet on me.

01:23:20.000 And by thinking about things, you can make a drone fly around.

01:23:24.000 By thinking about when you can achieve a certain frequency, it communicates wirelessly with this drone through this thing that they put on your head with all these electrodes.

01:23:34.000 We can actually, I mean, you were just talking about it with Kinison.

01:23:37.000 We can kind of do that. 0.98

01:23:38.000 I mean, he was doing that with words, but I mean, this is the shit that I do with horses is that you can kind of communicate with them with your minds if you're really having a 50-50 consensual relationship with them because they're prey animals. 0.97

01:23:49.000 And you can literally just think if your intention is pure enough. 0.99

01:23:52.000 I mean, this sounds like bullshit, the secret, whatever. 0.74

01:23:54.000 But if you think about what you want from them and you're really present and connected to them, they will do it. 0.99

01:24:00.000 Wow.

01:24:01.000 Unbelievable.

01:24:02.000 So that's why people get really into it?

01:24:04.000 Really into horses?

01:24:05.000 Somatic riding because they're prey animals.

01:24:07.000 Wow.

01:24:08.000 They're prey animals.

01:24:08.000 So the way that they've evolved, if anyone cares, there's this book called Zen Minds and Horse and talks about the evolution of the prey animal and basically how they can feel fear.

01:24:16.000 They can feel intention.

01:24:17.000 They can feel where you want to go.

01:24:18.000 And if you're training to be the lead mare of the herd, that they look to you.

01:24:23.000 And if you basically anticipate something from them, they will fulfill that.

01:24:28.000 It's wild.

01:24:28.000 So it's like, we don't use bits, we don't use saddles, and I don't use any sort of leads, and I'll be on him, and I'll lead a little bit with my knees, but if I just visualize where I want to go, he'll just go there.

01:24:38.000 But if I'm disconnected and just came in from traffic, and I'm just like, bullshit, like thinking about my shit, he's just like not connected to me and won't do anything.

01:24:45.000 It's hard to achieve. 0.97

01:24:46.000 You have to get to that flow meditative state.

01:24:50.000 I haven't smoked weed and hung out with my horse before.

01:24:54.000 That's an interesting idea.

01:24:55.000 I've played music and stuff like that, but maybe I should try that to turn off my amygdala.

01:25:01.000 Yeah, just try a little.

01:25:02.000 Don't get crazy.

01:25:03.000 Just try a little.

01:25:04.000 That's actually a really good idea because when you bring anxiety around a prey animal, they feel it and they just feel fear.

01:25:10.000 And fear is what they have been designed to avoid.

01:25:13.000 Yeah.

01:25:14.000 Any sort of companion animal feels the same thing.

01:25:18.000 I think dogs know when you're high.

01:25:20.000 Totally!

01:25:21.000 Totally!

01:25:22.000 Yeah.

01:25:23.000 Totally.

01:25:23.000 Because they get high with you if you're smoking.

01:25:26.000 They can't not.

01:25:26.000 Well, I've had that happen before.

01:25:28.000 I had a dog that she got a panic attack.

01:25:31.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:25:32.000 She fucking hid underneath the table. 1.00

01:25:35.000 She was high as fuck because we hotboxed her. 1.00

01:25:37.000 Me and Joey Diaz. 1.00

01:25:38.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:25:39.000 It was in my office.

01:25:41.000 Yeah.

01:25:41.000 We were doing bong hits in my office with my dog, Lucy.

01:25:45.000 Oh, no.

01:25:45.000 There's this guy, the dog that bit my ear off.

01:25:48.000 I couldn't find him.

01:25:49.000 Basically, if a dog self-sues that way and was taken from its mother too young, it's always going to be a liability, and I wasn't going to put him down, obviously.

01:25:56.000 So I sent him.

01:25:56.000 There's this guy named Stephen Baldwin, and he takes dogs who have bitten people.

01:26:00.000 Not like Alec Baldwin's brother.

01:26:02.000 Not like Alec Baldwin's brother.

01:26:04.000 Oh, there's a Stephen.

01:26:05.000 Well, he's Steffen.

01:26:06.000 S-T-E-F-F-E-N. But Stephen Baldwin might also have a dog ranch.

01:26:10.000 It's not Stephen Baldwin?

01:26:11.000 I'd like to go there immediately.

01:26:12.000 There's a Stephen Baldwin?

01:26:14.000 Yeah, there is.

01:26:15.000 Yeah, but I mean the actor.

01:26:17.000 Stephen Baldwin, right?

01:26:18.000 Your guy's Stephen Baldwin.

01:26:19.000 Stephen, yeah.

01:26:20.000 I said Stephen.

01:26:21.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:26:21.000 I think I probably fucked it up. 0.98

01:26:23.000 That's amazing.

01:26:23.000 I've learned a lot today.

01:26:24.000 There's two Stephen Baldwins.

01:26:26.000 There's two Hulks. 0.95

01:26:28.000 Real talk! 1.00

01:26:28.000 Fuck me! 1.00

01:26:29.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:26:30.000 Like, good one, R. Kelly. 1.00

01:26:32.000 Mark Ruffalo.

01:26:34.000 I forgot about that.

01:26:35.000 He's the best.

01:26:36.000 Really?

01:26:36.000 He's the newest Hulk's the best Hulk.

01:26:37.000 He's such an amazing actor.

01:26:38.000 He's pretty amazing.

01:26:40.000 That guy's badass.

01:26:41.000 But he uses hemp treats for his dogs.

01:26:43.000 Good move.

01:26:43.000 Have you ever tried that?

01:26:44.000 Keep your dogs chilly.

01:26:45.000 Have you ever tried that?

01:26:45.000 Chill them out.

01:26:45.000 Keep them chilly.

01:26:46.000 A little bit.

01:26:46.000 I think that's smart.

01:26:47.000 Yeah.

01:26:47.000 If you ever need to pop one.

01:26:49.000 No, but I've been trimming elk steaks and I have these little scraps, these little scraps, and Give them to the dogs.

01:26:56.000 It is the greatest training aid in the history of dogs.

01:27:00.000 And you just give it to them non-cooked, right?

01:27:01.000 Yeah, raw.

01:27:02.000 You can give them one piece.

01:27:03.000 It'll last them three days.

01:27:05.000 You have to feed them for three days.

01:27:07.000 Three days?

01:27:07.000 Yeah.

01:27:08.000 I have a friend who just gives the dog a slab of raw meat every three days.

01:27:12.000 And they don't feed them the second day?

01:27:13.000 We feed our animals way too much.

01:27:15.000 Dogs do not need to eat twice a day. 1.00

01:27:17.000 We give them this fucking giant bowl. 1.00

01:27:19.000 All of our dogs are overweight and overfed. 1.00

01:27:21.000 Oh no, my dog's fat.

01:27:22.000 We're giving them way more food that they need and it's terrible on their joints and just terrible for them.

01:27:27.000 So I only feed my dogs as training rewards.

01:27:29.000 Wow.

01:27:30.000 Only as training rewards?

01:27:31.000 They don't get just a big bowl of food.

01:27:33.000 They get marrow bones.

01:27:34.000 They get meat.

01:27:35.000 They get eggs sometimes.

01:27:36.000 But they only get feeding throughout the day. 1.00

01:27:39.000 You're just running shit in your house. 1.00

01:27:41.000 You total alpha the fuck out of these dogs, don't you? 1.00

01:27:44.000 How many dogs do you have at your house? 1.00

01:27:45.000 I have three. 1.00

01:27:46.000 Yeah, so you've got to kind of be running shit. 1.00

01:27:47.000 You have to. 1.00

01:27:48.000 Because they're alone right now, just plotting.

01:27:49.000 Well, they're in crates.

01:27:50.000 They're always in crates.

01:27:51.000 Ooh, you keep them in crates.

01:27:52.000 Crates, always.

01:27:52.000 Dogs are den animals.

01:27:53.000 They want to be in crates.

01:27:54.000 People are always like, it's mean to put them in crates.

01:27:56.000 No, it's not.

01:27:56.000 They love it.

01:27:57.000 It's mean to just let them roam around all the time because then they get territorial and they think that they have to control things.

01:28:02.000 My dogs are guests in my home.

01:28:04.000 That's the whole deal.

01:28:05.000 Ooh.

01:28:06.000 Yeah.

01:28:06.000 They don't get on the couch.

01:28:08.000 They don't get to do anything. 0.74

01:28:08.000 That sounds like you're a slave master. 0.74

01:28:11.000 Kind of.

01:28:11.000 You sound like a speciesist to me.

01:28:13.000 Kind of.

01:28:14.000 I mean, I have had my ear ripped off, so I've made some mistakes.

01:28:16.000 But with my dogs, dogs really do well when you dominate them.

01:28:21.000 What kind of food do you feed them? 0.80

01:28:22.000 I feed them this place called Luann's Kitchen.

01:28:25.000 It's just quinoa and turkey, quinoa and beef, quinoa and chicken.

01:28:29.000 And they come in these frozen things.

01:28:30.000 And is it a good thing to give them grain?

01:28:31.000 Does it help them in some way?

01:28:33.000 I don't know.

01:28:33.000 They seem to do really well on it.

01:28:35.000 Yeah?

01:28:35.000 When I give them store-bought food, I sometimes do that buffalo, what's it called?

01:28:39.000 Buffalo, wild buffalo or something.

01:28:41.000 But they start eating grass and I see in their, they puke and I see in their, you know, because they eat grass to sort of like restore equilibrium because they're too acidic.

01:28:48.000 So they'll start eating grass with that.

01:28:50.000 That's why they do that?

01:28:51.000 Yeah.

01:28:51.000 So it's some sort of an instinct?

01:28:53.000 Yeah, it's to restore.

01:28:54.000 Exactly.

01:28:54.000 They're not getting enough of certain minerals and vitamins.

01:28:57.000 It means they're malnourished and they're getting it elsewhere. 1.00

01:29:00.000 That's when they start eating dirt, when they start eating shit, they're malnourished. 0.99

01:29:03.000 So I give them this stuff and they don't do that. 0.99

01:29:07.000 So you got this from watching them just eat grass around the backyard?

01:29:13.000 Basically.

01:29:14.000 When dogs puke up grass or you see in their poop that they have grass in it, that means that they're having to go other places for nourishment.

01:29:23.000 So have you ever tried to feed them?

01:29:25.000 I know there's a lot of companies that sell like sort of a raw diet for dogs.

01:29:28.000 That's why I'm asking this.

01:29:29.000 They have like these tubes of raw food.

01:29:31.000 Have you ever done that?

01:29:32.000 Yeah, I have.

01:29:33.000 I usually only do it for like training, but that's what they're designed to eat.

01:29:37.000 I mean, they're designed to eat raw.

01:29:39.000 They're wolves.

01:29:39.000 You know, they're just designed to eat raw meat.

01:29:41.000 This dog, like I said, he's the sweetest dog of all time, but he can barely keep it together when I have meat.

01:29:48.000 Barely.

01:29:48.000 It's crazy.

01:29:49.000 He's like ready to jump up at me.

01:29:51.000 Because also the meat that we eat is full of antibiotics and chemicals.

01:29:54.000 It's been frozen 50,000 times. 0.99

01:29:56.000 There's no fucking blood in it. 1.00

01:29:57.000 You're bringing home this like fresh real meat with no garbage in it. 1.00

01:30:00.000 So he's like, you're awakening his primal.

01:30:03.000 His reactions are incredible.

01:30:04.000 And his reactions are way, they're just, it's way more extreme.

01:30:07.000 I'd be super interested in juxtaposing like store-bought meat and then your elk meat and seeing What he goes to.

01:30:15.000 I think they would eat either one of them.

01:30:16.000 I mean, for sure.

01:30:17.000 Whatever they got.

01:30:18.000 I mean, meat is meat, I think, to a dog.

01:30:21.000 I bet if you gave him time and allowed him to discern and hunger was not an option, he'd probably lean towards the elk, probably lean towards the bloody stuff.

01:30:32.000 Certainly more than that than dog food.

01:30:35.000 If you put the elk down next to a bowl of dog food, he would totally ignore the dog food.

01:30:39.000 If you let the dog loose in a row, and one bowl of elk and one bowl of dog food, they would go to the elk 100% of the time.

01:30:45.000 Have you ever read the ingredients in dog food?

01:30:47.000 It's like sugar, sucralose, high fructose corn syrup? 0.99

01:30:52.000 I mean, it's just like trash.

01:30:53.000 I buy this stuff that has no grain in it, and a lot of it is wild game, and a lot of it is lamb and beef.

01:31:00.000 I've been hearing people talk about their dogs eating cancer at five.

01:31:03.000 I'm just like, why are you feeding your dog?

01:31:05.000 Well, it also could be a genetic thing, right?

01:31:07.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.99

01:31:08.000 Could it be a fucked up breed? 1.00

01:31:09.000 Environmental. 0.99

01:31:10.000 I think dogs are supposed to eat meat. 0.56

01:31:13.000 Yes, correct.

01:31:14.000 I would think that if you could figure out a way...

01:31:16.000 I've been thinking about that lately, actually hunting for my dog.

01:31:19.000 That's cool.

01:31:20.000 Getting some food and putting it aside just for the dogs.

01:31:24.000 Just do that.

01:31:24.000 I always do.

01:31:25.000 Whenever I make eggs, I'll make some for the dogs.

01:31:27.000 Yeah, just grind it up and just see if they behave different, if they feel different.

01:31:33.000 Yeah, sometimes I'll just feed them meat and then eggs and then a couple days later I'll just give them marrow.

01:31:38.000 Sometimes I'll just give them marrow bones for the day.

01:31:41.000 My thinking of it is that's like some of the only mass-produced factory farm food that I still buy.

01:31:47.000 Dog food?

01:31:48.000 Yeah, it's got to be factory farmed.

01:31:50.000 They're getting it the cheapest way they could get it, right?

01:31:52.000 If you're buying some sort of dry chicken.

01:31:54.000 It's like feeding your kids Lucky Charms.

01:31:56.000 Yeah, just give the dogs meat. 1.00

01:31:59.000 Yeah.

01:32:00.000 And then they sleep more, you know.

01:32:01.000 They probably fart more.

01:32:02.000 It's just probably fart more. 1.00

01:32:04.000 A little fucker. 1.00

01:32:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:06.000 Does he fart a lot?

01:32:07.000 Sometimes.

01:32:08.000 It's not a lot, but when he does, he lets you know.

01:32:10.000 Well, actually have him eat meat and see if he farts less.

01:32:12.000 Because their bodies are working so hard to break it down, they have to release methane gas.

01:32:16.000 That could really be what it is.

01:32:18.000 Yeah.

01:32:18.000 When your dogs are farting, that means something's up.

01:32:20.000 It's like when you're farting a lot.

01:32:21.000 It's just like, what did I eat?

01:32:22.000 Yeah, what's going on in there?

01:32:24.000 Why is my body working so hard to break this down?

01:32:26.000 Why isn't this digestible?

01:32:28.000 Do you follow any kind of crazy diet?

01:32:30.000 You know, I had eating disorders.

01:32:32.000 Uh-oh.

01:32:33.000 Shocker.

01:32:34.000 Plot twist.

01:32:35.000 I mean, obviously. 1.00

01:32:37.000 So I have to be careful with that shit. 1.00

01:32:39.000 How'd you get over them? 1.00

01:32:40.000 You know, a lot of things.

01:32:43.000 I, like, went into a 12-step program for codependence, you know?

01:32:48.000 And I did this, like, inner child work. 0.96

01:32:50.000 It all sounds, like, very hippie and, like, ridiculous. 0.92

01:32:52.000 But I had to start... 0.94

01:32:55.000 Reparenting myself because I grew up around eating disorders.

01:32:58.000 I saw a lot of it.

01:32:59.000 There wasn't a lot of eating in my house.

01:33:00.000 There was a lot of eating on the go.

01:33:01.000 There was nothing in my fridge.

01:33:02.000 Like it just never occurred to me to take care of myself nutritionally.

01:33:06.000 But eating disorders are a lot about control for the most part.

01:33:08.000 I'm sure you know that.

01:33:09.000 So it was like my life fell out of control when I was a teenager and that was the one thing I could control is what I ate.

01:33:15.000 Getting thin also got me attention.

01:33:17.000 It got people to like worry about me and fawn over me and that I wanted attention.

01:33:21.000 And I think that Coupled with like intense therapy with it and then doing a job where I get my sort of quota of attention in healthy ways.

01:33:33.000 That box is checked.

01:33:35.000 I no longer need to get attention in unhealthy ways.

01:33:36.000 Does that make any sense?

01:33:38.000 So it was basically an attention thing and also just a bad programming thing.

01:33:42.000 Bad conditioning.

01:33:43.000 Yeah.

01:33:43.000 And you had both of those things sort of.

01:33:45.000 Yes.

01:33:46.000 And I had an adversarial relationship with my body and with food, and it was a very antisocial behavior as well.

01:33:54.000 I was able to isolate.

01:33:56.000 In school, I was not very social.

01:33:58.000 I was socially awkward.

01:33:59.000 I was really scared of people.

01:34:01.000 And having fucked up eating, like you're eating in your car, you can't really go to dinner with people, is kind of a way that I put a wall up between myself and other people as well. 0.82

01:34:09.000 Why is that more common, a female thing? 1.00

01:34:12.000 Like, from your perspective, like, when you think about, like, people having, like, that phrase, having an adversarial relationship with your body, you don't really hear guys say that, right?

01:34:22.000 Well, because we have an expiration date, and you guys kind of don't, maybe, and then we also have this sort of...

01:34:29.000 What is it?

01:34:29.000 Golden rule or symmetrical need to look fertile to you guys where it's like tiny waist, tiny legs, big hips, big boots.

01:34:35.000 You know, like I think there's just like a lot more pressure on our bodies because our bodies are why you guys decide to protect us and procreate with us or not.

01:34:43.000 Wow.

01:35:04.000 Wow.

01:35:14.000 But I definitely grew up around a lot of it. 0.93

01:35:16.000 I saw women, you know, I think that we all have such a fucked up relationship with, you know, our children because we tell our kids to do certain things, but we don't do those things. 0.70

01:35:26.000 So I heard adults say, like, I need to lose weight, I need to lose five pounds, adults who are not fat. 1.00

01:35:31.000 And so I internalized sort of, oh, that's the body that I need, mine is, you know, like, I just saw a lot of fucked up shit. 0.99

01:35:37.000 And women that had adversarial relations with the body. 1.00

01:35:40.000 So I just like, I didn't know any better.

01:35:42.000 But it seems like a lot of women have it like from the jump, right? 1.00

01:35:45.000 I mean, it's not something that I don't even know if you're really aware of your expiration date when you're 16 and 17. You're not thinking about your longevity, right?

01:35:53.000 You're thinking about your current state.

01:35:55.000 Yeah, women are objectified at such a young age. 1.00

01:35:57.000 You know, my brother is so good.

01:35:59.000 He's got these daughters and they're gorgeous.

01:36:01.000 And he always tells people, don't tell them they're pretty.

01:36:02.000 Tell them they're smart.

01:36:03.000 At such a young age, you're told like, you're so beautiful.

01:36:06.000 You're so pretty.

01:36:06.000 And whereas boys are like, you're so cool.

01:36:09.000 You're so awesome.

01:36:10.000 You're so good at football or whatever.

01:36:11.000 So I think from such an early age, I thought my appearance was the only thing that I had to offer the world.

01:36:15.000 And I just got really obsessed and fastidious about like what it looked like.

01:36:19.000 And I just thought I had to be really skinny at a young age.

01:36:23.000 How you talk to kids like that in that regard is very important.

01:36:26.000 Instead of saying, you're so good at that, you're supposed to say, see how working hard has paid off this way?

01:36:33.000 Really?

01:36:33.000 Yeah.

01:36:34.000 You're supposed to say, look, all the times you've gone to class, now you can do this.

01:36:37.000 This is amazing.

01:36:38.000 You've progressed.

01:37:01.000 I was late to pick you up from school today.

01:37:03.000 I totally miscalculated the time.

01:37:05.000 I'm really sorry.

01:37:05.000 Instead of being like, oh, there was a line at the bank and things, or just, you know, like you don't lie to kids.

01:37:09.000 You aren't supposed to pretend things are fine or you're not supposed to pretend you're perfect to be this hero to them.

01:37:14.000 Or if like you're fighting with your spouse, you go like, hey, we kind of got in an argument and I was wrong and now we're fine.

01:37:20.000 You don't say like, no, everything's fine.

01:37:21.000 We were just...

01:37:22.000 Watching a movie, it was the sound from the TV. You know, you don't lie to them.

01:37:25.000 Right, right, right.

01:37:26.000 And I never had any of that.

01:37:27.000 I just got the message very young that, like, I had to be perfect and thin.

01:37:30.000 And that's the way it translated.

01:37:32.000 See, that's very rare that boys get the thin message.

01:37:34.000 That's what I'm trying to get to it.

01:37:35.000 It's like it's odd that it hits girls at such an early age.

01:37:38.000 You have to be muscular and strong.

01:37:40.000 I mean, I recently just learned that men, like, have body image stuff.

01:37:43.000 I just had no idea, but it just manifests in different ways, right?

01:37:46.000 It's like you guys have to be, like, cut.

01:37:47.000 You have to be big.

01:37:48.000 You have to be... 1.00

01:37:49.000 You know, have a big dick, like you guys have all that shit. 1.00

01:37:52.000 Yeah, some men do have the fat thing, like where it really bothers them, really fucks their head. 1.00

01:37:58.000 Oh, guys are eating salads all over the place. 0.97

01:37:59.000 Yeah, there's a lot of anorexic guys.

01:38:01.000 Smoothies, yeah.

01:38:01.000 No question about it.

01:38:02.000 I mean, it's just, especially like when you're trying to course correct, you know, like you've got, you decide, okay, I'm going the other way, I am going to fucking, like you look at yourself in the mirror, you get disgusted, you're like, I'm not eating.

01:38:11.000 And you get, like, dysmorphic. 0.99

01:38:13.000 I mean, I see a lot of guys, and I'm curious your take on this because you're such a big part of this world of, like, these guys who are like, I'm paleo, they don't eat anything, and I'm like, this is still fucking rigid and fucked up, and I see guys with their cricket protein shit, and they're just... 0.97

01:38:27.000 I dated a guy who just ate dry protein. 0.99

01:38:30.000 I'm like, this is a fucking eating disorder. 1.00

01:38:32.000 Yeah, that's an eating disorder. 1.00

01:38:33.000 When is it healthy?

01:38:34.000 When does it go into disordered and dysfunctional?

01:38:37.000 It's unnecessary based on the results that you get from it, right?

01:38:41.000 It's like, okay, if you just eat healthy foods and you take, like, say, I mean, depending upon how much training you're doing, you might want to take a protein supplement occasionally, you know, take something that's easily digestible, concentrate on, like, macronutrients, concentrate on getting most of it from your food,

01:38:57.000 but making sure you balance things out with supplements.

01:39:00.000 Once you do all that, like, why are you eating dry protein, dude?

01:39:03.000 Like, what is this?

01:39:05.000 Just eat some food.

01:39:06.000 Get a nice piece of salmon and a salad, and it's going to be way better for you than what you're eating here.

01:39:11.000 But a lot of it's irrational.

01:39:12.000 I used to have such an irrational fear of fat.

01:39:15.000 Like, I would go to a restaurant, order steamed vegetables.

01:39:17.000 If there was oil on it, I would, like, pat it down.

01:39:20.000 Like, it was, like, insanity.

01:39:22.000 But eating disorders are not logical.

01:39:24.000 They're completely, they become, like, a mirage.

01:39:27.000 Like, I used to only eat, like, dried fruit. 0.98

01:39:30.000 Which is so fucking bad for you and fattening. 0.96

01:39:32.000 It's so sugar. 1.00

01:39:33.000 You're eating pure sugar.

01:39:34.000 It's not logical.

01:39:36.000 That's why it tastes so good.

01:39:37.000 Yes, but then I would go to the gym for four hours.

01:39:39.000 I wasn't even good at having an eating disorder.

01:39:42.000 I was eating 4,000 calories a day.

01:39:45.000 You're not even good at being anorexic.

01:39:47.000 It becomes so irrational and you just get so illogical and you just have so many blind spots about...

01:39:54.000 Yeah, but don't you think you just know a whole lot more about nutrition now, too?

01:39:57.000 Because like...

01:39:58.000 When this is going on, say back to 20 years ago, how many people really knew how to eat correctly?

01:40:06.000 Everybody was eating whole grain bread and they thought that was the way to go. 0.98

01:40:10.000 There wasn't this high fructose corn syrup and fucking everything and antibiotics and garbage and everything. 0.99

01:40:17.000 If we didn't notice... 1.00

01:40:19.000 You're eating real food.

01:40:20.000 There was that.

01:40:20.000 But we didn't understand what your body actually needed.

01:40:24.000 We were trying to go low-fat with everything.

01:40:26.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:40:27.000 Everybody was trying to go with low-fat yogurt.

01:40:29.000 Yeah.

01:40:29.000 Did you know low-fat milk has sugar in it?

01:40:31.000 That's disgusting.

01:40:32.000 Low-fat milk has sugar in it.

01:40:33.000 They put sugar in it, because otherwise it's vile.

01:40:36.000 And they put bleach in it, too?

01:40:36.000 Yeah, there's rat piss.

01:40:38.000 All rat piss.

01:40:40.000 Do you know about Rat Kings? 0.80

01:40:42.000 Rat kings?

01:40:43.000 Oh yes, I do.

01:40:43.000 I'm obsessed with rat kings right now.

01:40:45.000 That is insane. 0.87

01:40:46.000 Insane.

01:40:46.000 I saw a photo of a bunch of dead ones all tangled together by the tail.

01:40:49.000 Because they just starve to death?

01:40:51.000 Well, is that what a rat king is?

01:40:52.000 A rat king is when they're...

01:40:54.000 It's like when they all get tangled together, right? 0.99

01:40:55.000 Yeah, all their tails get tangled and then they shit and it all congeals and they just turn into a mass of rats and then they starve to death and die. 1.00

01:41:01.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:41:02.000 I know.

01:41:02.000 Now, how do their tails get all tangled up like that?

01:41:05.000 I don't know.

01:41:06.000 It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

01:41:07.000 I mean, they are pretty...

01:41:09.000 What?

01:41:10.000 Sinewy?

01:41:10.000 You've never seen this before, Jamie?

01:41:12.000 I don't know. 0.96

01:41:12.000 Yeah, a rat king. 0.96

01:41:13.000 Yeah, there it is right there. 0.95

01:41:14.000 So that's one where their tails all get tangled together and they all rotted out and die.

01:41:18.000 But why do they get stuck together?

01:41:19.000 Aren't they kind of slimy?

01:41:21.000 I guess, if I had to guess, that they spend too much time in a very small area.

01:41:27.000 Is that a squirrel king?

01:41:28.000 The squirrel king.

01:41:30.000 The squirrels got accidentally intertwined?

01:41:32.000 No.

01:41:33.000 Oh no, that's heartbreaking.

01:41:34.000 What are they going to do?

01:41:36.000 They're going to get eaten by coyotes. 1.00

01:41:37.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:41:38.000 That's how it goes. 1.00

01:41:39.000 Hold on, but that rat king- Does that bother you? 0.96

01:41:41.000 Does predation bother you?

01:41:43.000 Like, you love animals.

01:41:44.000 I do love animals.

01:41:45.000 Here's what I'll say.

01:41:46.000 Your deal, because you do it from an angle of conservation, I think is amazing.

01:41:53.000 Well, I sort of do it from an angle of conservation.

01:41:55.000 And sport.

01:41:56.000 Well, no.

01:41:57.000 Food.

01:41:58.000 Mostly.

01:41:59.000 Food's number one.

01:42:00.000 But conservation is a consequence of trying to seek out food that way because the money that's spent goes directly to trying to preserve the habitat where these animals live and to keep things public.

01:42:11.000 To keep all this land, like we have millions of acres of land public.

01:42:15.000 I know that we need predators for things to make sense, like wolves being reintroduced into Yellowstone, basically.

01:42:23.000 You call out a couple, and more get to live, right?

01:42:27.000 Not people. 0.98

01:42:28.000 But I'm sort of obsessed with that, and also just understanding that kind of the It's such a big key to, you know, whatever, it sounds ridiculous, but I don't know why I have shame about, like, giving a shit about the environment. 0.97

01:42:39.000 I don't know when being into the environment became, like, you're, like, lame, but it's, like, I think it's 240,000 gallons of water for one cow, and we only eat 40% of cows? 0.97

01:42:53.000 40% of its body?

01:42:54.000 40% of its body.

01:42:55.000 We are so wasteful in the way that you do it, which is like you're eating every part of the body and don't you eat it for like months at a time and stuff?

01:43:01.000 Oh yeah.

01:43:02.000 I think what you're doing for the environment is amazing.

01:43:04.000 Well, I think that's a consequence of just being selfish.

01:43:08.000 And selfish, not in a bad way, but the honest word is selfish because my feelings about meat were I really enjoyed eating meat.

01:43:15.000 And I was thinking like, well, let me look at it from a health perspective. 0.99

01:43:19.000 And boy, if you look at it objectively, there's a lot of shit that vegans try to point out. 0.98

01:43:24.000 But if you look at it objectively, there's almost nothing that shows that eating meat with vegetables is bad for you. 0.99

01:43:29.000 Don't they digest at different speeds?

01:43:31.000 Is that true?

01:43:32.000 Yeah.

01:43:33.000 Not that that really matters.

01:43:34.000 You're killing me with this mic.

01:43:35.000 I'm sorry, why am I doing this?

01:43:37.000 I don't know.

01:43:38.000 What's wrong with me?

01:43:40.000 I'm rusty on my podcast.

01:43:42.000 Don't worry about it.

01:43:42.000 I know, because I'm actually trying to talk to you.

01:43:44.000 I keep forgetting we're on a show.

01:43:45.000 It just gets weird.

01:43:46.000 But is it, I mean, because our teeth are sharp.

01:43:49.000 This is proof we're designed to be predators, right?

01:43:51.000 Well, we're more omnivores.

01:43:52.000 We're not predators.

01:43:54.000 This is like the argument against us being predators by really argumentative vegans who give these speeches.

01:44:01.000 If we were really predators, we would have fangs, we'd be able to eat things raw.

01:44:05.000 We are just opportunists, and we are hedonists, and we don't need to live like this.

01:44:10.000 And they argue that because our intestines are longer?

01:44:12.000 Yeah, but the argument's not good.

01:44:14.000 Here's why it's not good.

01:44:15.000 We evolved to kill animals and cook them and then chew them up and eat them.

01:44:19.000 We've been doing that for thousands of years.

01:44:21.000 That's why we look this way and we don't look like chimps who also eat meat.

01:44:25.000 Chimps eat chimps.

01:44:26.000 Bone marrow.

01:44:27.000 They cannibalize.

01:44:28.000 Chimps eat monkeys all the time.

01:44:30.000 Is that true?

01:44:30.000 Yeah, chimps eat a lot of monkeys.

01:44:32.000 A lot of monkeys. 1.00

01:44:33.000 Kill them? 1.00

01:44:34.000 They eat them alive. 1.00

01:44:36.000 They tear them apart.

01:44:36.000 There's much video of chimps, particularly in the Congo, grabbing monkeys out of trees and eating them alive.

01:44:42.000 What?

01:44:43.000 Just tearing them apart with their hands. 0.99

01:44:45.000 Are chimps what rip that guy's face off? 0.99

01:44:47.000 Yes.

01:44:48.000 Chimps are the closest to us, of course. 0.99

01:44:50.000 Superhuman.

01:44:51.000 Yeah, they're so close to what we are.

01:44:53.000 They're like one step left or right of the evolutionary chain, something like 96 to 99% of our DNA. They're like insanely strong.

01:45:03.000 Insanely strong.

01:45:04.000 Like we can't even rationalize.

01:45:05.000 But smaller than gorillas.

01:45:07.000 Way smaller, but as strong as a 500 pound man.

01:45:10.000 Like a 150 pound chimpanzee is literally bigger than a Game of Thrones guy.

01:45:15.000 That's insane. 0.91

01:45:16.000 Like just rip you apart.

01:45:18.000 You'll never be able to understand the amount of power they can generate with their limbs. 0.92

01:45:22.000 My concern is more, you know, we're designed to eat meat great, but the way that we eat meat is actually killing us in the long term and destroying our planet so much that we're just going to fucking go extinct if we don't just, you know, do it in the kind of way that you do it.

01:45:35.000 Yeah, there's some chimps right there tearing apart a monkey. 0.99

01:45:39.000 See the little hands? 1.00

01:45:40.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:45:41.000 Why does that look like a gorilla to me? 1.00

01:45:42.000 No, that's a chimp. 0.98

01:45:43.000 That's a straight up chimp. 1.00

01:45:45.000 That's a big ass fucking chimp. 1.00

01:45:46.000 I had no idea. 1.00

01:45:47.000 Look at that.

01:45:47.000 Tearing that monkey apart.

01:45:49.000 Eating it alive.

01:45:49.000 I had no idea that they ate meat.

01:45:51.000 It's their favorite thing.

01:45:53.000 What?!

01:45:53.000 Yeah, that's the thing they love more than anything.

01:45:55.000 It's just hard to get a monkey. 0.99

01:45:58.000 But when they get a monkey, they don't give a fuck about a banana. 0.97

01:46:01.000 So what's the difference between chimps and gorillas? 0.99

01:46:03.000 Gorillas are vegetarians.

01:46:05.000 Really?

01:46:05.000 100% vegetarian.

01:46:06.000 But they're bigger.

01:46:07.000 Yep.

01:46:08.000 Huge.

01:46:08.000 They're the biggest primates we know of.

01:46:10.000 They have these giant fangs and that's just for war. 0.99

01:46:13.000 You know, that's just one gorilla takes care of like, you know, a gang of bitches. 1.00

01:46:17.000 And a gorilla has a tiny little dick like an inch long. 1.00

01:46:19.000 Really? 1.00

01:46:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:20.000 Tiny little dick. 1.00

01:46:21.000 Why? 1.00

01:46:21.000 Because penis sizes and testicle sizes are directly proportionate to the amount of promiscuous females in the area. 1.00

01:46:28.000 So with chimps, chimps have giant balls because all chimp women are hoes. 1.00

01:46:32.000 And these bitches are just slinging that pussy from branch to branch. 1.00

01:46:36.000 Isn't that why human dicks evolved to have that little hook at the end to scoop out the competitor's semen? 1.00

01:46:41.000 Yeah, that's why the bigger head is more successful because it's like a plunger. 0.99

01:46:45.000 It just gets in there and pulls it out.

01:46:46.000 Does circumcision fuck that up?

01:46:48.000 I wonder.

01:46:49.000 I bet it does.

01:46:50.000 I'm sort of obsessed.

01:46:51.000 I'm sure.

01:46:51.000 I'm sure it would.

01:46:52.000 Yeah.

01:46:53.000 You're going to hear all about this tonight at the Ice House.

01:46:55.000 Circumcision.

01:46:56.000 I used to have a whole series of bits about it.

01:46:58.000 Really?

01:46:58.000 Yeah.

01:46:59.000 It's insane.

01:47:00.000 It's one of the last insane rituals that we- Like it's crazy that we do this, right? 0.98

01:47:05.000 People lose penises every year. 0.99

01:47:06.000 There are many kids every year that lose their penis due to infection, where they never get a dick their entire life because somebody wanted to go through a ritualistic, Dickskin cutting on a baby. 0.99

01:47:16.000 And beside the religious argument for it, and also the sanitation argument, no longer makes sense. 0.99

01:47:20.000 We have Purell now. 0.99

01:47:22.000 We can disinfect baby penises. 1.00

01:47:24.000 It's such a stupid argument. 1.00

01:47:26.000 And the argument is that there's a direct connection to the amount of people who are uncircumcised who also have HIV in Africa. 1.00

01:47:35.000 The way it was explained to me, like, yeah, but the people that are uncircumcised also probably weren't taking care of themselves There's 0.99

01:48:06.000 also all these metrics coming out now that it's emotionally traumatizing.

01:48:11.000 Of course it is.

01:48:12.000 Which makes it that men can't express their feelings.

01:48:15.000 80% of the men that are circumcised have a harder time expressing their feelings.

01:48:18.000 It's like something I read.

01:48:19.000 And yeah, because the only woman that you have ever met gives you to a stranger when you're five days old. 1.00

01:48:25.000 Cut your dick. 1.00

01:48:25.000 And cuts your dick off in front of people. 1.00

01:48:27.000 And when you start crying, they just start clapping and taking pictures. 1.00

01:48:31.000 Of course you're going to not distrust women.

01:48:33.000 I literally heard this come out of a lady's mouth. 1.00

01:48:35.000 I did it to my son because I don't want it to look gross for him.

01:48:39.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:48:40.000 She's like, I don't want his dick to look gross. 1.00

01:48:43.000 You should have called child services. 1.00

01:48:45.000 But you're allowed to do it.

01:48:46.000 That's what's crazy.

01:48:47.000 Circumcision didn't exist.

01:48:49.000 It is insane that it is even legal.

01:48:51.000 Imagine if it didn't exist. 1.00

01:48:52.000 Imagine if you were cutting off women's vaginas. 1.00

01:48:54.000 There would be riots in the streets. 1.00

01:48:56.000 I mean, I've heard some really crazy fucking arguments from people that are super ultra-progressive that start going down the rabbit hole with Islam where they don't want to criticize anything. 0.99

01:49:05.000 Someone called it egalitarian gender surgery. 1.00

01:49:10.000 The genital mutilation was some sort of egalitarian gender surgery. 0.99

01:49:15.000 For men and women?

01:49:16.000 Yeah, women. 1.00

01:49:17.000 But women. 1.00

01:49:18.000 Women. 0.81

01:49:19.000 Women, which is... 1.00

01:49:20.000 It's not too ridiculous. 1.00

01:49:21.000 They cut off your clit. 1.00

01:49:21.000 It's not the same thing. 1.00

01:49:22.000 It's way worse.

01:49:23.000 A lot of porn stars do that for aesthetic reasons. 0.94

01:49:25.000 What?

01:49:25.000 You know, like in porn...

01:49:27.000 Right, but they don't cut their clit off. 1.00

01:49:28.000 ...is the enemy. 0.99

01:49:28.000 Yes. 0.99

01:49:29.000 You ever see vagina... 1.00

01:49:30.000 They cut their clit? 1.00

01:49:30.000 You ever see vagina... 1.00

01:49:31.000 You want me to draw it? 1.00

01:49:32.000 You ever see vaginas that don't have the chicken gizzard? 1.00

01:49:34.000 No. 0.99

01:49:35.000 That's a labioplasty. 0.82

01:49:36.000 And they do it for aesthetic reasons.

01:49:38.000 Because they have the...

01:49:39.000 They've got that, like, you know...

01:49:41.000 Yeah.

01:49:42.000 Mud flaps.

01:49:43.000 Yeah.

01:49:43.000 They've got the kind of oyster vibe going.

01:49:46.000 But does the clitoris get cut there as well? 1.00

01:49:48.000 Yes. 0.98

01:49:49.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Which is like, you guys are watching porn with these girls that are generally mutilated and aren't even having orgasms and you're being lied to. 1.00

01:49:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:58.000 So if the vagina doesn't have this on it... 1.00

01:50:01.000 If I see one of them, I'm calling the police. 0.99

01:50:04.000 They went to one of those strip mall plastic surgeons and got that thing shaved off. 1.00

01:50:09.000 Oh man, that's so awful. 0.99

01:50:10.000 I've seen porn where I'm like, where's her labia? 1.00

01:50:13.000 What is going on? 0.99

01:50:14.000 They're just cutting them right off. 1.00

01:50:16.000 To numb the outside edge of your pussy and remove meat. 1.00

01:50:20.000 Just to give it some sort of an attractive pose. 1.00

01:50:25.000 And that is what's causing so many problems because you're seeing that fake vagina and then you see a real one and you're like, oh, this is ugly. 1.00

01:50:31.000 It's like, no, this is just what a vagina looks like. 1.00

01:50:33.000 It's like the new voluntary female circumcision. 0.99

01:50:36.000 Sorry, clitoral hood reduction. 0.97

01:50:39.000 Hood?! 0.98

01:50:40.000 We do need to change the name of that.

01:50:43.000 Look under the hood, everybody.

01:50:45.000 I'd really rather not.

01:50:46.000 A hoodie.

01:50:47.000 Let's say hoodie.

01:50:48.000 That's at least a little more endearing.

01:50:50.000 But at least it's like relatively...

01:50:51.000 Oh my god.

01:50:52.000 What?

01:50:52.000 Is it worth it?

01:50:53.000 Look at this.

01:50:53.000 Reviews, costs.

01:50:54.000 Get the fuck out of your pictures. 0.99

01:50:56.000 Stop this. 1.00

01:50:56.000 I have friends who have gotten the vaginal rejuvenation surgery and they said it was more painful than childbirth. 1.00

01:51:03.000 Owie! 1.00

01:51:04.000 But what they do is they ask you, do you want to go back to 16, 18, or 21?

01:51:09.000 They ask you what age you want to go back to.

01:51:10.000 What if you say 12?

01:51:12.000 Here's my point.

01:51:14.000 Girls have had different amounts of sex at those ages, so it's like, I want her 21, not my 21. Yeah, what in the fuck kind of question is that? 0.99

01:51:23.000 I know. 0.99

01:51:23.000 I mean, it's disproportionate, though, the amount of people that get circumcisions versus the amount of people that get labia reduction, right? 0.99

01:51:29.000 Well, at least labia reduction is somewhat consensual.

01:51:32.000 I mean, you're choosing to do it.

01:51:33.000 I mean, you probably aren't all there, if you're a porn star anyway, but, like, I just think doing it when you're five days old isn't particularly fair.

01:51:41.000 It's so unfair, and it's so crazy that it's the norm.

01:51:44.000 It's more common than not.

01:51:45.000 The norm?

01:51:45.000 Yeah.

01:51:46.000 I think something like 75% of American men?

01:51:48.000 It's so unnecessary, and it doesn't do any good.

01:51:51.000 It's not a good thing.

01:51:53.000 And there's some numbness, too.

01:51:54.000 Yes.

01:51:54.000 Do you know guys who are uncircumcised?

01:51:56.000 Yeah, they say it feels way better, and I'll go, how the fuck do you know, bitch? 1.00

01:51:58.000 When you're uncircumcised. 1.00

01:51:59.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

01:51:59.000 I don't know what my dick feels like. 1.00

01:52:01.000 You're just talking shit. 1.00

01:52:03.000 Might be worse. 1.00

01:52:04.000 But it's a thin layer of mucus develops over the head of the dick, where it's like protected by the skin and stays moist in there and supposedly more sensitive. 0.99

01:52:12.000 Whereas after you've had your foreskin removed, it's dried out and it's a numb dick. 0.97

01:52:16.000 Well, it also cuts some nerve endings. 0.98

01:52:18.000 Which is actually, you know what, maybe you guys do need less nerve endings.

01:52:22.000 I actually think if all men weren't circumcised, nothing would ever get done. 1.00

01:52:26.000 Because you'd be jerking off all day. 1.00

01:52:29.000 If everybody gets sucked their own dick and no one will circumcise, that's the reason why everybody comes just short. 1.00

01:52:35.000 Maybe that's why our country has such a prolific GDP, because the men are circumcised. 1.00

01:52:39.000 And they can't suck their own dick. 1.00

01:52:40.000 If sex felt any better, we'd have a real problem on our hands. 1.00

01:52:44.000 Yeah, maybe if you go to a city and it's super advanced, you know that the dick size is directly proportional to the face, how far the face can get down on most men. 1.00

01:52:53.000 Can anyone suck their own dick? 1.00

01:52:55.000 I'm just curious. 1.00

01:52:56.000 Oh, yeah, there's a dude online that someone sent me a video of this guy literally fucking his own face. 0.99

01:53:02.000 It was so disturbing. 0.99

01:53:03.000 He was doing like a shoulder press.

01:53:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:53:07.000 He was doing like a shoulder press where it was like his neck was flat on the ground, okay? 0.99

01:53:11.000 And then his body was like super flexible and it was up like his back was this and he was bent over so down that he was literally deep-throating his own dick. 0.99

01:53:20.000 And then he jizzed in his own mouth, pulled out, kept jizzing on his own face, and then stuck it back in his mouth again. 0.99

01:53:29.000 Yeah, and I saw it.

01:53:30.000 And I can't unsee it.

01:53:32.000 Is he single?

01:53:33.000 Somebody sent it to me.

01:53:34.000 It was an animated GIF. And I was like, you motherfucker. 1.00

01:53:37.000 I can't believe you. 1.00

01:53:38.000 How about that one that Nick Swartzen sent us the other day? 1.00

01:53:41.000 What the fuck? 0.98

01:53:41.000 Wait, I don't remember. 0.98

01:53:43.000 You remember that one?

01:53:44.000 I don't think so. 1.00

01:53:45.000 This guy, he's that fucking asshole, Nick Swartzen. 1.00

01:53:50.000 The stuff Nick sends me is just, I've become desensitized to it. 1.00

01:53:55.000 It's a guy carrying a guy.

01:53:57.000 Imagine if you had a backpack, but in front of you.

01:53:58.000 Was it the three of us?

01:53:59.000 We have a couple shades going with offensive things.

01:54:01.000 I think it's the three of us.

01:54:02.000 The pregnant girl with a gun? 1.00

01:54:04.000 No.

01:54:04.000 It's one where a guy literally, it's like his arm is soaked up.

01:54:08.000 There's all white foam all over his arm. 0.99

01:54:10.000 And he's got a guy and he is like literally elbow deep inside this guy's ass. 0.99

01:54:16.000 And he's picking him up and putting him down and the guy's just letting the fist. 0.99

01:54:19.000 It could be anything.

01:54:21.000 Who knows?

01:54:22.000 Bear spray?

01:54:23.000 Hold up.

01:54:27.000 Mr. Clean.

01:54:29.000 Hold on, why?

01:54:29.000 You're playing mace.

01:54:30.000 I fuck with mace as a fucking lube. 1.00

01:54:33.000 I'm looking through our chain and it's pretty horrific. 1.00

01:54:36.000 Yeah, there's a lot of horrific shit in that email chain. 0.99

01:54:39.000 Oh, I see. 1.00

01:54:39.000 Oh, wait, is this the thing with the... 1.00

01:54:41.000 The guy's got his...

01:54:42.000 He said...

01:54:43.000 Is it that?

01:54:43.000 It's not that.

01:54:44.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:54:45.000 Click on it.

01:54:46.000 Oh, God, I don't know.

01:54:47.000 Look at this.

01:54:48.000 This might be more upsetting than R. Kelly.

01:54:50.000 Real talk!

01:54:51.000 Wait, it's not playing!

01:54:52.000 It's not?

01:54:52.000 No, it's like a still.

01:54:54.000 No, what is this?

01:54:55.000 No, that's not the one.

01:54:57.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

01:54:57.000 That's the one where a dude's fucking a dude in a butt. 0.99

01:54:59.000 That's a still. 0.99

01:55:00.000 The one with all of us together is...

01:55:04.000 Isn't there a way you can do it?

01:55:06.000 Yeah, there's a way you can go to just the things that have been texted.

01:55:09.000 He gets drunk and it'll just hurt your feelings with an animated GIF. You're like, hey!

01:55:13.000 I love it.

01:55:14.000 It's good.

01:55:15.000 Quick adrenaline.

01:55:16.000 I'm learning a lot on this text chain.

01:55:18.000 You can learn a lot.

01:55:19.000 It's humbling, quite frankly.

01:55:20.000 I'm like, am I supposed to be doing this?

01:55:22.000 Am I supposed to be doing this?

01:55:23.000 Is this what the kids are doing?

01:55:25.000 I can't.

01:55:26.000 I can't keep up with this stuff.

01:55:27.000 No one can keep up with anything anymore.

01:55:29.000 What does fisting establish?

01:55:30.000 Is that a real thing?

01:55:31.000 Or is that a joke?

01:55:32.000 Well, you're willing to take it to a level, sort of like ultramarathon running.

01:55:36.000 You know, like, why are you running 205 miles?

01:55:38.000 You're just taking it, endurance and mental strength, to a level that very few people can get to. 1.00

01:55:43.000 Fisting is like, not only will I let you fuck my ass, but I'll let you ball up your fucking... 1.00

01:55:49.000 Punch it. 1.00

01:55:51.000 Pause.

01:55:51.000 But does it feel good to anybody or that's a pathological thing?

01:55:57.000 Why do people get their face pierced? 0.94

01:55:59.000 Why do people have robot implants?

01:56:03.000 I want to be stigmatized and I want to be a part of a tribe, but getting fisted in private is not about acceptance or maladaptive behavior.

01:56:11.000 It's about taking things to the next level, though.

01:56:14.000 A lot of things people do sexually is to try to freak out the partner to let them know that they're on another level.

01:56:21.000 Like, I'm on some super freak level. 1.00

01:56:23.000 Like, put it in my ass, baby. 1.00

01:56:25.000 I'm at the point where I'm like, you know, be really kinky? 1.00

01:56:29.000 Missionary. 0.97

01:56:29.000 Oh, crazy. 0.97

01:56:30.000 That's like the craziest thing you can do these days.

01:56:33.000 Yeah.

01:56:33.000 Let's get crazy.

01:56:34.000 Yeah, let's kiss during sex and I'll be on the bottom. 0.99

01:56:36.000 But some people know, right? 1.00

01:56:38.000 Some people want to do freak shit. 0.99

01:56:39.000 And then if someone's going to want to do freaky shit, there's always going to be someone who wants to take it to the next level and show you. 0.99

01:56:45.000 No, I'm a super freak. 0.99

01:56:46.000 I'm not a regular freak. 1.00

01:56:47.000 You can fist me, motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:49.000 And the next thing you know... 1.00

01:56:51.000 Do you think this is all the people who don't get to do what you get to do and fight people and do comedy?

01:56:56.000 Like people that don't get to get those extreme needs met? 0.99

01:57:00.000 They might not have ever found a path for them to sort of express themselves through and then they're spiraling out of control with like poor programming and shitty relationships with their family and friends that are fucked up and all that leads to someone with a fist up your ass. 0.99

01:57:17.000 Sign up for an open mic at the comedy store. 0.99

01:57:19.000 Or something else, you know?

01:57:20.000 I mean, the thing is, like, everybody's personality would lend itself to a different kind of pursuit.

01:57:25.000 And it's one of the real problems, like, some sort of a cookie-cutter existence.

01:57:29.000 Like, the idea that you, in any way, shape, or form, would be most happy in a cubicle is patently insane.

01:57:34.000 Insane. 0.87

01:57:35.000 It's insane.

01:57:35.000 Insane.

01:57:36.000 It's so unhealthy.

01:57:36.000 I mean, it's literally, oh, look, you get to put your Star Wars toys up in the cubicle with you.

01:57:40.000 Show everybody you're kind of a wacky nerd type guy.

01:57:43.000 Is fisting...

01:57:44.000 Is fisting new because we're all in cubicles, or has it always been around even when we're fighting each other in the streets?

01:57:50.000 Well, you gotta think during the Roman Empire, somebody fisted somebody, right?

01:57:54.000 Constantly.

01:57:54.000 For sure.

01:57:55.000 They were going so deep, they were crazy.

01:57:57.000 They were literally trying to be as hedonistic as possible.

01:58:01.000 I was just at the Coliseum.

01:58:03.000 Amazing, isn't it?

01:58:04.000 Amazing.

01:58:05.000 And I don't know that much about it, but it was funny. 0.99

01:58:08.000 I was like, this is fucking barbaric. 0.98

01:58:09.000 And the tour guide was like, nothing is as barbaric as the NFL. She was like, these were like criminals. 1.00

01:58:16.000 These were people who were going to die anyway.

01:58:19.000 They only did these fights once every couple months.

01:58:21.000 If the emperor wasn't into it, they didn't do it at all.

01:58:23.000 They were like, you guys routinely have people killing each other on television and you guys cheer.

01:58:30.000 Yeah, sort of.

01:58:31.000 They brought in lions.

01:58:33.000 Lions, animals.

01:58:35.000 They made animals extinct.

01:58:37.000 Really?

01:58:38.000 Yeah, they made species of animals extinct because they used them in the Colosseum so much.

01:58:42.000 Didn't know that.

01:58:43.000 Yeah, look at that up.

01:58:45.000 I read that just a few days ago.

01:58:47.000 But a lot of what they were doing was actually reenacting wars because they didn't have newspapers.

01:58:52.000 They were doing reenactments and stuff and people would get injured.

01:58:54.000 How about when they told you they put water in there and had boat fights?

01:58:57.000 Insane.

01:58:58.000 You're like, what?

01:58:59.000 Why were you guys more advanced than we are today?

01:59:01.000 They had SeaWorld.

01:59:02.000 They had a SeaWorld.

01:59:03.000 They had a show.

01:59:04.000 They have an actual SeaWorld show, like a Waterworld show at Universal.

01:59:08.000 Oh, really?

01:59:09.000 Yeah.

01:59:09.000 I didn't know that.

01:59:10.000 Yeah, it's fucking pretty badass. 0.95

01:59:11.000 What's in it? 0.94

01:59:12.000 It's like this choreographed water world scenario.

01:59:15.000 People or animals?

01:59:16.000 Yeah, people.

01:59:17.000 Oh. 0.99

01:59:17.000 People shooting at each other and shit. 0.99

01:59:19.000 What is this? 1.00

01:59:19.000 Who? 1.00

01:59:20.000 Fighting killed off whole species.

01:59:22.000 Yeah, the sheer quantity and slaughter in the Coliseum saw the number of lions, jaguars, and tigers plummet across the globe.

01:59:28.000 According to some, Roman hunting absolutely devastated the wildlife of North Africa and the entire Mediterranean region, wiping some species of animals off the map entirely.

01:59:39.000 9,000 animals.

01:59:42.000 The hippo disappeared?

01:59:43.000 In one particularly brutal set of games in which 9,000 animals were slaughtered, the hippo disappeared from the River Nile.

01:59:50.000 And North African, they were fighting elephants?

01:59:53.000 Yeah, they were using elephants and lions and some of the lions escaped and tigers had leapt to the front rows where the richest people lived or the richest people had their seats and killed the richest people.

02:00:04.000 And so they had to develop these fence systems all around and they had to raise the whole thing.

02:00:08.000 This guy was like explaining how they had to protect the rich people who sat in the front row. 0.97

02:00:12.000 I think that's fucking amazing. 0.87

02:00:14.000 Those lines are awesome! 0.99

02:00:16.000 Eat the rich! 0.60

02:00:18.000 I hear they're gonna start putting nets up at baseball games.

02:00:20.000 A baby got hit by a ball.

02:00:23.000 A baby got hit?

02:00:25.000 Soon there's gonna be nets in all the fields.

02:00:29.000 You can't bring a baby to a baseball game.

02:00:30.000 Is the baby dead?

02:00:31.000 I don't know.

02:00:32.000 I didn't ask.

02:00:33.000 I didn't want to know.

02:00:34.000 It happened in hockey after a girl got hit by a puck where I'm from in Columbus.

02:00:38.000 But apparently hockey pucks slow down.

02:00:41.000 But baseballs don't as quickly or something?

02:00:45.000 It killed her?

02:00:46.000 Yeah, she died.

02:00:46.000 The girl in Columbus died.

02:00:47.000 That's why they have nets up all over every hockey arena now.

02:00:50.000 So the pucks aren't flying into the crowd.

02:00:52.000 I thought they had glass.

02:00:53.000 Did you get hit by a puck?

02:00:55.000 No, it used to be a thing to catch a puck when it came into the crowd like a foul ball in baseball.

02:00:59.000 Because they would flip over and whatnot, but they started flying because people got better and hitting faster, slap shots, etc.

02:01:05.000 So now there's like a net, you almost can't even catch one now.

02:01:09.000 Is it all hockey arenas?

02:01:10.000 At least NHL. Where did it hit her?

02:01:14.000 I think it hit her in the head, yeah.

02:01:15.000 Jesus!

02:01:16.000 She wasn't sitting very super close, but I mean, most good seats now, so they're all good seats, etc.

02:01:21.000 Who hit it?

02:01:22.000 A player.

02:01:22.000 Do you get in trouble?

02:01:23.000 I mean, I guess.

02:01:24.000 I don't.

02:01:24.000 Did you get a penalty for that?

02:01:25.000 I feel like this is your mom yelling at you.

02:01:26.000 Well, that one guy got... 0.89

02:01:27.000 Don't tell mom I killed that lady in the audience. 0.97

02:01:29.000 Do you get paid more money because you're so good at hitting? 0.94

02:01:32.000 The one guy got an assault charge for hitting the guy with the stick, but that was like player on player.

02:01:37.000 Right, that's different.

02:01:39.000 Illegal or within the...

02:01:40.000 But that's actual assault.

02:01:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:41.000 On your ticket it says you're assuming all risk of potential whatever can happen to you at the event.

02:01:47.000 Eating a puck.

02:01:47.000 But now all baseball fields are going to have nuts.

02:01:52.000 It's not the worst idea in the world if people died from it.

02:01:55.000 But the nerfing of the world continues.

02:01:57.000 Or do you just say you can't bring children and babies?

02:02:01.000 Baseball's just different because it's like American pastime.

02:02:03.000 Yeah, I think you should wear a glove and don't bring a baby.

02:02:06.000 That's my take on it.

02:02:07.000 Yeah.

02:02:07.000 You know, and if a ball's coming, you gotta be paying attention all the time.

02:02:10.000 Don't leave your kid alone. 1.00

02:02:12.000 You gotta be there with the fucking glove. 1.00

02:02:14.000 The nightmare. 1.00

02:02:15.000 Should be able to show that you can catch a 90 mile an hour fastball.

02:02:19.000 I mean, is that going to kill baseball to have to look through nets?

02:02:23.000 Well, what's happening to all sports is they're nerfing things up, right?

02:02:27.000 And that's the big thing that Donald Trump got criticized for the most was when he said that not just the thing about the players kneeling, but that they're killing the game with all these safety regulations.

02:02:39.000 Like, wait a minute, man.

02:02:40.000 Safety regulations?

02:02:40.000 These people are dying!

02:02:42.000 Yeah, they're changing the rules.

02:02:43.000 They can't read at 35 all of a sudden. 1.00

02:02:45.000 They are getting fucked up. 0.99

02:02:47.000 But isn't it all the things that are... 0.99

02:02:47.000 Someone has to do something. 0.99

02:02:49.000 All the things that are supposedly making them safer, the helmets, are actually becoming weapons and the things that they're injuring each other with.

02:02:53.000 Yes.

02:02:54.000 The people that believe that, and I tend to believe that rugby is a superior sport.

02:03:00.000 Are those no helmets?

02:03:01.000 No helmets.

02:03:02.000 No helmets.

02:03:03.000 See, I'm not a fan of either one.

02:03:05.000 Not that I don't...

02:03:06.000 If I had to choose to watch one... 0.99

02:03:08.000 I don't give a fuck who wins the Super Bowl. 0.99

02:03:09.000 I don't watch it, right? 0.99

02:03:11.000 But if I choose to watch, like somebody said, hey, you want to go see a rugby game or a football game?

02:03:14.000 I'm like, I want to go see a rugby game.

02:03:16.000 They don't have any helmets or pads on.

02:03:17.000 Like, that's real.

02:03:18.000 But they're not hitting each other the way that they do.

02:03:20.000 You can't.

02:03:21.000 You would die. 0.98

02:03:22.000 You would break your body. 1.00

02:03:23.000 You'd break your teammates. 1.00

02:03:24.000 Everybody would get fucked up. 0.99

02:03:25.000 They hit each other a lot. 0.99

02:03:26.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:03:27.000 It's a rough game.

02:03:28.000 But it's a smarter and it's a more realistic game. 1.00

02:03:30.000 It's like putting on this stupid outfit. 1.00

02:03:32.000 No offense, guys. 1.00

02:03:35.000 If you're such a badass, why do you have pads on?

02:03:38.000 What is this?

02:03:39.000 The only reason why you're able to run at each other full clip is because of pads.

02:03:43.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:03:44.000 Take that stupid shit off, and you'll get a more honest representation of what's possible when people collide with each other. 1.00

02:03:50.000 You'll have way less head-to-heads. 1.00

02:03:51.000 You skill instead of just brute force.

02:03:53.000 Exactly.

02:03:54.000 Do you think there will ever be a day where there is no NFL? I mean, no NFL, yeah.

02:03:58.000 I would hope that the NFL would just go to a more rugby-based system. 1.00

02:04:04.000 Obviously, look, I'm an idiot. 1.00

02:04:05.000 Don't listen to me. 1.00

02:04:06.000 If you're an NFL fan, you love, you don't understand, the game is relatively safe compared to the old days. 0.97

02:04:12.000 I don't know shit about NFL, but I know that wearing helmets, it's the same thing to me about striking with boxing gloves. 0.91

02:04:19.000 I think striking should be bare knuckle. 0.94

02:04:21.000 I think we'd be safer.

02:04:23.000 I think fighters would have less brain trauma.

02:04:25.000 Because you would strike less.

02:04:27.000 Yeah, you wouldn't be able to just openly start wailing on someone.

02:04:30.000 You just shatter your hands.

02:04:31.000 It's not that easy.

02:04:33.000 So you're more, you know, calculated.

02:04:37.000 Much more calculated.

02:04:39.000 There's much more emphasis on accuracy.

02:04:41.000 You couldn't just hit someone as hard as you want to.

02:04:44.000 The thing about having pads in your gloves, it's like if you're going to punch a door, right?

02:04:56.000 I can't.

02:04:59.000 Jesus!

02:05:06.000 Pads. 0.99

02:05:07.000 If you have pads on your knuckle, you can just fucking slam that table and it doesn't hurt at all. 0.98

02:05:13.000 You're literally not capable of punching full blast with knuckles all the time. 0.98

02:05:17.000 Especially if you hit like an elbow or you hit a forehead.

02:05:20.000 Guys shatter their hands on people's foreheads.

02:05:23.000 Your forehead is a dome that's good for head-butting. 0.87

02:05:26.000 Like this area right here.

02:05:28.000 It's so hard to break that.

02:05:30.000 You're not going to break it with a hand.

02:05:31.000 But if you hit someone right here, it's pretty devastating.

02:05:33.000 This is more flat.

02:05:34.000 Is this softer?

02:05:35.000 No, it's more flat.

02:05:37.000 You can get a good impact on it.

02:05:38.000 But if you catch this bridge, like a lot of times people break their hand by catching this bridge.

02:05:43.000 So what happens is the curve of the head runs into the middle of your hand.

02:05:48.000 That's fine.

02:05:49.000 Because you're just trying to tee off, right?

02:05:51.000 And if you're in a fight and you're just trying to swing as hard as you can, if you hit forehead and the curve of that forehead hits the middle of those fingers, that's the weakest area.

02:06:01.000 It's almost like bends in between the joints.

02:06:03.000 They snap.

02:06:04.000 And they also snap back here.

02:06:05.000 They snap on the top of the hand, particularly the last two knuckles.

02:06:09.000 These aren't really connected to the rest of your arm.

02:06:13.000 These two knuckles are what you're supposed to concentrate on because they're sort of reinforced by the wrist, but they break too.

02:06:18.000 Your whole hand breaks.

02:06:19.000 Hands are super fragile.

02:06:21.000 You're making me wonder, the same way Michael Phelps was just born to swim, right? 1.00

02:06:25.000 His fucking wingspan, his heart, you know, all that shit. 1.00

02:06:29.000 Are there people whose faces are just born to fight? 1.00

02:06:31.000 Oh, for sure.

02:06:32.000 Faces were born, for sure, they can take more impact.

02:06:36.000 Wider faces, bigger heads, thicker necks.

02:06:38.000 For sure they can absorb better.

02:06:40.000 Everybody can get knocked out.

02:06:42.000 Because the human body is just so flawed. 0.99

02:06:43.000 Especially if you have some crazy oust or ovarian type character kick you in the head. 0.97

02:06:48.000 Anyone can get knocked out. 0.93

02:06:49.000 But it's less likely to get knocked out if you're shaped a certain way.

02:06:53.000 And your hands, the shape of your hands makes a giant difference as well.

02:06:57.000 It's like how much impact you can deliver.

02:06:58.000 Do you want bigger hands?

02:07:00.000 Yes.

02:07:01.000 George Foreman had enormous hands.

02:07:03.000 Wow.

02:07:03.000 There's a guy named Francis Ngannou, who's one of the top UFC heavyweights.

02:07:07.000 Every time I shake his hands, I just go, ah!

02:07:10.000 Jesus! 1.00

02:07:11.000 He's got these fucking hammers, like these giant hammers, and he just knocks people just dead. 1.00

02:07:17.000 It's a huge advantage, a structural advantage. 0.99

02:07:20.000 It's like the difference between having a ball-peen hammer, a little tiny hammer for nails, and having a sledgehammer.

02:07:25.000 It literally is the difference.

02:07:27.000 Yeah.

02:07:27.000 You know, it's just having that extra weight on the end, especially if there's a lot of body mass behind it as well, just a massive advantage.

02:07:35.000 So would you want there to be no gloves?

02:07:37.000 Hey, look at his hands. 1.00

02:07:38.000 The size of this motherfucker's hands. 1.00

02:07:39.000 Jesus! 1.00

02:07:40.000 Yeah, they're enormous.

02:07:41.000 That doesn't seem fair.

02:07:42.000 They're enormous.

02:07:45.000 That's Brian Stan, by the way, who was the WEC 205-pound champion.

02:07:50.000 He was a top UFC fighter at 185 pounds.

02:07:54.000 He's a big boy.

02:07:55.000 And his hands get dwarfed by Ngannou's hands.

02:07:59.000 His hand looks like a stump.

02:08:01.000 Yeah, so that is an undeniable physical advantage if you can land that punch.

02:08:06.000 Yeah, and then you want a big face and you want a more domed head. 0.99

02:08:08.000 Yeah, there's a lot of shit going on. 0.96

02:08:09.000 But my point is that if fights had no pads, we would get a more accurate representation of what the body can really do. 0.99

02:08:17.000 Instead, we're making fighters get more damaged because you're letting people tee off.

02:08:21.000 I don't think you should be able to tape your wrists either.

02:08:23.000 I think that's unfair too.

02:08:25.000 What is taping your It makes it stiffer, so it doesn't buckle as much when you impact something. 0.79

02:08:30.000 Because when you hit something, if your hand goes like that, you can really fuck your wrist up. 0.97

02:08:34.000 You really get torn tendons and all kinds of shit. 0.96

02:08:36.000 Is it true that people put cement in their gloves and stuff? 0.98

02:08:39.000 They have.

02:08:41.000 Margarito did that.

02:08:42.000 Yeah, he was fighting a bunch of different guys and busting them up really bad.

02:08:49.000 And then before his fight with Sugar Shane Mosley, they caught him in the locker room with plaster in the wraps of the gloves.

02:08:57.000 Somebody caught him and then they started putting two and two together and realizing when he beat up Miguel Cotto, when he beat up all these different fighters, it was an unusual beating.

02:09:06.000 He was hitting them and it was just having an inordinate effect on them.

02:09:10.000 Hitting people way harder than anybody else was.

02:09:12.000 Right.

02:09:13.000 No one could figure out why.

02:09:14.000 Once they took that padding out of his glove.

02:09:15.000 It's like the Lance Armstrong thing.

02:09:17.000 Like, win, but don't win too big.

02:09:18.000 But way worse.

02:09:18.000 Because Lance Armstrong was doing that when everybody else was also doing that.

02:09:22.000 Also, of course.

02:09:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:09:23.000 No one else was putting plaster on their hands.

02:09:24.000 But don't win by too much if people are going to start getting suspicious.

02:09:27.000 Well, he wasn't necessarily beating everybody, but he was beating a lot of guys. 0.98

02:09:31.000 And the way he was beating them, he was fucking them up. 0.95

02:09:33.000 And then when he got to Sugar Shane, they caught him with the plaster. 0.99

02:09:36.000 They took it out, re-wrapped his hands, and Sugar Shane beat the fuck out of him. 1.00

02:09:40.000 And Sugar Shane knew about it. 0.96

02:09:41.000 Everybody knew about it.

02:09:42.000 They were talking about it on the broadcast, and that they were almost not letting him fight, and they let him fight with newly wrapped hands.

02:09:48.000 And Sugar Shane just lit him up like a Christmas tree. 0.99

02:09:51.000 Fucked him up. 1.00

02:09:52.000 And then Manny Pacquiao fucked him up, too. 1.00

02:09:55.000 Everybody fucked him up after that. 0.98

02:09:56.000 He should have been probably retired from boxing. 0.98

02:10:02.000 They should have said there's no way you could ever fight again. 0.99

02:10:04.000 They were just like we want to see you get killed a couple times.

02:10:06.000 Yeah, I mean he was never the same guy and he actually wound up fighting.

02:10:09.000 He had a really badly torn retina to the point where I think they put an artificial retina from one of the beatings that he took.

02:10:16.000 I think to Sugar Shane.

02:10:17.000 It might have been to Pacquiao.

02:10:19.000 It might have been that Pacquiao beat him bad. 0.94

02:10:22.000 There's a couple of guys beat the fuck out of them, but it's just that guy was putting plaster in his gloves.

02:10:27.000 So I just don't think gloves are the way to go.

02:10:29.000 I mean, if you want to do it for boxing, I get it.

02:10:31.000 Boxing is a completely different sport and there's an art catching punches on the gloves.

02:10:35.000 But my thing about MMA in particular is why is it okay to elbow someone in the face, but it's not okay to have Gloves that are bare knuckle?

02:10:45.000 That's crazy.

02:10:46.000 You could literally smash someone's head.

02:10:48.000 What's the difference between this and this?

02:10:49.000 Yeah. 0.94

02:10:50.000 You could smash someone's head with an elbow. 0.95

02:10:52.000 Like right in their eye socket. 0.97

02:10:53.000 And that's totally legal. 0.99

02:10:55.000 You could smash their nose to a pulp. 0.99

02:10:56.000 That's totally legal. 0.99

02:10:57.000 But somehow, like a shin.

02:11:00.000 You could hit someone so hard with your shin.

02:11:03.000 It's a razor blade, ultimately. 0.80

02:11:05.000 Well, it's a baseball bat.

02:11:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:11:07.000 Kick someone in the head with a shin. 1.00

02:11:08.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:11:09.000 There's no padding on it at all.

02:11:10.000 But you have to have padding in your fists?

02:11:11.000 That's crazy.

02:11:12.000 Why is that?

02:11:13.000 It's old.

02:11:15.000 When the UFC first came about, it was bare knuckle.

02:11:19.000 And then in some sort of a concerted effort to turn into a legitimized sport and be accepted by athletic commissions...

02:11:29.000 Very new.

02:11:29.000 In terms of big-time sports, it was started in 1993. That's crazy.

02:11:34.000 Just 20-something years old, 24 years old.

02:11:36.000 So they wanted to make it look like in the beginning, the first fights that I saw in 1997, when I first started working for the UFC, there was a lot of bare-knuckle fighters.

02:11:45.000 Guys fought with shoes on.

02:11:47.000 They were bare-knuckle.

02:11:48.000 You were allowed to grab people's crotches still.

02:11:50.000 You were allowed to grab their clothes.

02:11:51.000 R. Kelly's?

02:11:52.000 Yeah, not that.

02:11:53.000 A little different. 1.00

02:11:54.000 You were allowed to do a lot of shit. 1.00

02:11:56.000 You could pull hair for a long time. 1.00

02:11:57.000 Really?

02:11:58.000 Yeah.

02:11:58.000 And then they finally got rid of that.

02:12:00.000 They got rid of grabbing clothes.

02:12:02.000 But you didn't have to have padding on your knuckles back then.

02:12:07.000 And the people that were super successful realized you could hit people way harder if you have padding on your knuckles.

02:12:12.000 Of course.

02:12:12.000 So Vitor Belfort was one of the first.

02:12:14.000 He was 19 years old and he entered into the UFC. UFC 12, Dothan, Alabama in 1997 and just beat the fuck out of everybody with gloves on.

02:12:22.000 What would it take for them to do a rule that said no gloves anymore?

02:12:27.000 They would just have to listen to me.

02:12:28.000 And listen to a lot of other martial arts fans.

02:12:31.000 Some people wouldn't want it because they think you would get cut more, which I think you would.

02:12:34.000 You would get more superficial tissue damage.

02:12:37.000 But I think ultimately you'd get less brain damage.

02:12:40.000 Because you'd get hit less.

02:12:41.000 Yeah, I think you'd get hit less.

02:12:42.000 And especially if you practice correctly, I think you could...

02:12:46.000 I mean, you would still run the risk of getting elbowed and kneed and kicked.

02:12:50.000 And it's not safe by any stretch of the imagination.

02:12:52.000 Do you think it has to get to a point where...

02:12:55.000 Because MMA is so young, where fighters are 60 and they're blowing their brains out and doing what NFL players are doing?

02:13:01.000 I don't think anybody would...

02:13:02.000 I don't think people would have to know...

02:13:04.000 I don't hear about a concussion crisis in MMA that much.

02:13:06.000 But it's real.

02:13:07.000 I mean, any sort of combat sport, you're going to have it.

02:13:09.000 No, I mean, I know it's there, but it's not like in the zeitgeist, really, at the moment.

02:13:12.000 It isn't yet, but it certainly could be.

02:13:14.000 And it probably certainly will be when some of the veterans get into their 60s and 70s and we start to see them like...

02:13:20.000 Do you ever see Joe Frazier before he died?

02:13:21.000 Oh, yes.

02:13:22.000 He was on...

02:13:23.000 God, my throat.

02:13:25.000 He was on Opie and Anthony's show.

02:13:27.000 And it was so bad.

02:13:29.000 His slurring and his inability to put...

02:13:31.000 Even when Floyd was on Howard, it was like...

02:13:32.000 Floyd Mayweather?

02:13:33.000 Yeah.

02:13:33.000 I don't think he's showing any signs.

02:13:35.000 Really?

02:13:36.000 He was like stuttering.

02:13:37.000 Yeah, I just think that's just how he talks.

02:13:37.000 Yeah, maybe it's just 5 a.m.

02:13:39.000 5 a.m., nervous, talking to Howard Stern.

02:13:41.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:13:42.000 You know, trying to get it together.

02:13:43.000 Yeah, good point.

02:13:44.000 Brain damage or talking to Howard? 0.98

02:13:47.000 And, you know, probably has zero cum left in his body. 0.99

02:13:50.000 Probably was banging all night long, right? 0.98

02:13:53.000 For sure. 1.00

02:13:53.000 Or too much cum in his mouth. 1.00

02:13:55.000 What is this? 0.99

02:13:56.000 They have a CTE test, they think.

02:13:58.000 Boston University, they found a biomarker they think that can let people know now, ahead of time.

02:14:03.000 Ahead of time?

02:14:04.000 But isn't it just you get your bell wrong three times and they sort of know that already?

02:14:07.000 No, because it varies upon the person.

02:14:10.000 Some people are way more durable for some reason.

02:14:12.000 Really?

02:14:12.000 Yeah, they don't know why.

02:14:13.000 And it could be also connected to what we were talking about before.

02:14:16.000 The actual shape of the head, the thickness of the muscles of the neck, the ability to keep the head from snapping back too much, how many times it actually happens, how good you are at avoiding things.

02:14:27.000 Some people get hit and they learn how to roll with stuff and it takes a tremendous amount of the impact off.

02:14:32.000 So you think when MMA fighters are in their 60s and 70s and it's like...

02:14:36.000 Not looking good, they might consider no gloves.

02:14:39.000 I don't think they're gonna consider it because I think to the general public gloves mean safer.

02:14:43.000 Gloves mean sport.

02:14:44.000 But do they want safer?

02:14:45.000 Do fans of MMA want safe?

02:14:49.000 I would say if you're talking about public opinion, you're gonna have a lot of the people that aren't really fans that are also gonna weigh in, right?

02:14:58.000 So if you have public opinion, should they take the gloves off MMA? There's going to be a lot of people out there arguing passionately that have no idea what they're talking about.

02:15:04.000 And they don't understand that gloves mean more dangerous.

02:15:07.000 And they will say, no way, it's already barbaric enough.

02:15:10.000 It's really what we should concentrate on is putting more pads and more safety procedures and stopping fights quicker and looking out for the safety of these athletes.

02:15:17.000 But I think...

02:15:19.000 Much like how pads and football probably cause more injuries to players than rugby.

02:15:25.000 I think the same thing should be said about MMA. It's so anathema to your logic of like helmets and pads cause injuries.

02:15:31.000 Yeah, it really does.

02:15:33.000 You think they prevent them.

02:15:34.000 That's the only thing that it does any different.

02:15:37.000 If I had to choose between fighting someone with MMA gloves and fighting someone bare knuckle, I'd get hand wraps and MMA, I'd be like, yeah, wrap me up.

02:15:44.000 Wrap me up.

02:15:45.000 You could just tee off on somebody.

02:15:47.000 It's a totally different experience.

02:15:48.000 If your hands are fragile, a lot of times guys will hit each other with the palms of the hands instead because you don't want to break your hands.

02:15:55.000 You get on top of someone, you could smash their face with a palm of the hand.

02:15:57.000 Is this the hardest part of your hand?

02:15:58.000 Well, you can hit things hard with a palm and it doesn't hurt at all.

02:16:01.000 Right.

02:16:01.000 Yeah, it's a different kind of a bone.

02:16:03.000 It's a thick bone and it's used to touching and pushing against things.

02:16:07.000 What's the hardest part of your body?

02:16:08.000 Your elbows?

02:16:09.000 Maybe your knee and your elbow.

02:16:10.000 They're real hard.

02:16:11.000 You can't really break your elbow.

02:16:13.000 I guess you probably can. 0.99

02:16:14.000 People break shit all the time. 0.99

02:16:15.000 They break chunks off the bottoms of their elbows from fighting. 1.00

02:16:18.000 Jesus!

02:16:19.000 Yeah, I've had friends that have to get surgery where they have like floating bone chunks from elbowing people in the head.

02:16:24.000 You can chip off little pieces of your elbow.

02:16:26.000 That's not great. 0.98

02:16:27.000 Get kicked there.

02:16:28.000 Do you feel pain when you get hit when you're fighting?

02:16:31.000 You feel less pain than you probably would in a regular life because your adrenaline's through the roof and you're in this heightened situation, but you could definitely tell some shots hurt guys.

02:16:40.000 Shots to the legs, a lot of times when you get like that second or third leg kick in the same spot on the legs from a really good leg kicker, there's like a jolt that goes to your whole body.

02:16:50.000 It's like...

02:16:52.000 The difference between a leg kick and anything else is you're dealing with a giant piece of muscle.

02:16:58.000 And there's a lot of nerve endings in there.

02:17:00.000 Right, right, right.

02:17:00.000 The outside edge of it is kind of tender.

02:17:02.000 Especially if you're not a person who's used to getting kicked there.

02:17:05.000 And if someone like a Maurice Smith or an Ernesto Hoos, like a world champion kickboxer, slams a shin into there, it is extraordinarily painful.

02:17:15.000 Because I remember that girl that got her arm bitten off by a shark, Bethany someone, she said that when she heard the sound, she heard it, the crunch, but she felt no pain.

02:17:27.000 In fact, she said it felt like blissful, like orgasmic because so much dopamine goes to the area so that you don't give up.

02:17:33.000 Oh my God.

02:17:34.000 Yeah.

02:17:34.000 So I just was curious if in like fight or flight modes and fighting, if you're even feeling this stuff.

02:17:39.000 Yeah, you feel it.

02:17:40.000 You feel some stuff more than others.

02:17:41.000 Or just, like, kick in as soon as the fight's over. 0.99

02:17:43.000 You're like, oh, fuck, I'm in so much pain. 0.99

02:17:44.000 Well, after a fight, you're in severe pain, for sure. 0.99

02:17:48.000 After your whole body's bruised up.

02:17:51.000 It's been a long time since I've felt that, but I definitely remember after fights.

02:17:55.000 What's the most painful place to be hit?

02:17:58.000 The head, for sure.

02:17:59.000 The body, too, though.

02:18:00.000 Your body can hurt for days afterwards if you get hit with a left hook to the liver, like a really hard left hook to the body.

02:18:06.000 Is tearing the Achilles heel really the most painful injury you can have?

02:18:09.000 Never done it.

02:18:09.000 Really?

02:18:10.000 It's a bad one, though. 0.82

02:18:11.000 But I think injured discs are pretty goddamn bad.

02:18:14.000 Sorry. 0.62

02:18:14.000 Injured discs leave a lot of people with atrophied arms. 0.62

02:18:18.000 In your back.

02:18:19.000 Because it pushes on nerves in general?

02:18:21.000 It pushes on nerves and pinges on the signal.

02:18:25.000 So your muscles literally atrophy and shrink up.

02:18:28.000 And if you don't act on it really quickly... 0.98

02:18:31.000 It's a really common thing with men that either lift a lot of weights or do it incorrectly and fuck their back up. 0.96

02:18:39.000 But aren't we all sleeping wrong and sitting wrong and just doing everything wrong? 0.87

02:18:42.000 There's definitely sitting wrong.

02:18:44.000 Is that why I'm in the Sibian right now?

02:18:46.000 This thing's awesome.

02:18:48.000 Is this how I'm always supposed to be sitting?

02:18:50.000 Yep.

02:18:50.000 Because we're sitting wrong.

02:18:51.000 Yeah.

02:18:51.000 How do you sleep?

02:18:52.000 Are you sleeping wrong?

02:18:53.000 I just sleep.

02:18:54.000 But do you sleep on your side?

02:18:55.000 Yeah.

02:18:56.000 Do you put a pillow between your knees?

02:18:58.000 Sometimes.

02:18:58.000 Yeah?

02:18:59.000 Yeah.

02:18:59.000 Are we all supposed to do that?

02:19:00.000 I don't know. 0.69

02:19:01.000 We're also shitting wrong and peeing wrong, right? 0.99

02:19:03.000 I shit right. 0.99

02:19:04.000 I don't know what you're talking about. 1.00

02:19:05.000 I got a squatty potty. 0.85

02:19:06.000 Do you? 0.57

02:19:07.000 Yeah, I got one of those things.

02:19:08.000 I feel like you just have a hole in your backyard.

02:19:10.000 No, I don't.

02:19:10.000 Yeah, I have one of those too and people come to my house and they think they're like, does a handicapped person live here?

02:19:14.000 I'm like, just calm down. 0.96

02:19:15.000 We're all shitting wrong. 1.00

02:19:16.000 Yeah, it's easier to shit that way. 0.99

02:19:19.000 And apparently women, we don't empty our bladders completely when we use regular toilets, and that's why we have to pee all the time. 1.00

02:19:24.000 What?

02:19:25.000 Yeah, because we have to use squatty potties when we pee also. 1.00

02:19:28.000 Really?

02:19:28.000 Yeah, we don't empty our entire bladders.

02:19:30.000 Toilets are not designed for our uteruses, basically. 1.00

02:19:33.000 Uteri?

02:19:34.000 Is it plural?

02:19:35.000 Is it uteri?

02:19:35.000 I don't know.

02:19:36.000 But yeah, that's why women always have to pee. 1.00

02:19:38.000 But you can pee standing up no problem, right?

02:19:40.000 No.

02:19:41.000 Yeah, it just goes all over the place.

02:19:42.000 Yeah, it's a mess.

02:19:42.000 But it comes out okay.

02:19:43.000 Right, but in the shower, right?

02:19:45.000 I don't do that.

02:19:46.000 You should just pee in the shower only.

02:19:48.000 Seems like it'd be a real clean way to do it.

02:19:50.000 It's a real great way to stay single forever.

02:19:53.000 Why, you think a guy would have a problem?

02:19:55.000 Like, hey, I'll be right back.

02:19:56.000 I'm gonna go pee in the shower.

02:19:58.000 Would you be down with a woman peeing in the shower? 1.00

02:20:01.000 If you were in there with her? 1.00

02:20:02.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:20:03.000 I dated a lot of guys who pee in the shower. 1.00

02:20:05.000 Yeah, I pee in the shower all the time.

02:20:06.000 Is it just like... 1.00

02:20:07.000 If I have to pee and I'm in the shower, would I give a fuck? 1.00

02:20:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:10.000 I've had guys pee while I'm in the shower with them.

02:20:12.000 It's like, you're peeing on my foot. 1.00

02:20:13.000 A lot of what's on my body is grosser than what's coming out of my dick. 1.00

02:20:16.000 That's actually really true. 0.99

02:20:17.000 Why are we so grossed out by pee?

02:20:19.000 And snot, too.

02:20:20.000 Is that socially constructed?

02:20:21.000 Like, why is this so disgusting? 0.97

02:20:23.000 It's gross. 0.65

02:20:23.000 Why? 0.65

02:20:24.000 I don't know.

02:20:24.000 Especially when my nine-year-old pulls it out.

02:20:26.000 I know, right?

02:20:27.000 Eye boogers are not as gross. 1.00

02:20:28.000 This isn't grossing you out, but this is.

02:20:30.000 Yeah, it's weird.

02:20:31.000 I don't know.

02:20:31.000 What is that?

02:20:32.000 It's a good question.

02:20:33.000 It's conditioning.

02:20:34.000 It's probably conditioning.

02:20:36.000 If you were to reach and scratch in your ear, if you were to scratch in your eye, when you pick out food, it's fine. 0.54

02:20:42.000 But this is gross. 0.97

02:20:43.000 But boogers, gross. 1.00

02:20:43.000 Why? 1.00

02:20:44.000 But I don't even have any boogers in here. 1.00

02:20:45.000 It's a good question.

02:20:46.000 I don't know.

02:20:47.000 Tell me.

02:20:47.000 I really wish I knew.

02:20:49.000 I guess it's like a shame thing from the time you were little.

02:20:51.000 You got a booger in your nose. 1.00

02:20:52.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:20:54.000 Mikey eats his boogers.

02:20:56.000 But it's also like, this is my face. 0.99

02:20:58.000 It's like I have a butthole on my face. 0.99

02:20:59.000 Right. 0.99

02:21:00.000 Like, why is this as gross? 0.99

02:21:02.000 I'm trying to ignore that face butthole. 1.00

02:21:02.000 You dig it in there. 1.00

02:21:03.000 Two of those little buttholes. 1.00

02:21:04.000 Getting crumbs.

02:21:05.000 But why is it so satisfying when you pick out a giant booger?

02:21:08.000 Oh, that's the best feeling. 0.99

02:21:08.000 When you get, like, a giant winter booger and you're like, whoa, look at this goddamn thing. 0.99

02:21:12.000 I started getting my nose waxed. 0.97

02:21:15.000 The inside of my...

02:21:16.000 This is what happens in, like, the second hour of the podcast.

02:21:21.000 I just start admitting things I should never tell anyone.

02:21:24.000 That always happens on the show.

02:21:27.000 No, because you have little hairs, and they're just unattractive, so I started waxing them.

02:21:30.000 That's a good move. 0.99

02:21:31.000 Yeah, it hurts like all fuck. 1.00

02:21:32.000 I have a tremor. 0.99

02:21:33.000 I stick a little...

02:21:34.000 But why are guys having nose hairs fine? 0.91

02:21:37.000 Girls having it's disgusting. 1.00

02:21:38.000 It gets itchy for me, and boogers get stuck in it.

02:21:40.000 I clean it out just so I can blow my nose easier.

02:21:42.000 Yeah, the boogers get all. 1.00

02:21:44.000 But we're supposed to have nose hairs. 0.99

02:21:46.000 I sneeze more.

02:21:47.000 I just sneezed.

02:21:47.000 If you're running, do you ever run?

02:21:49.000 Yeah, I do.

02:21:50.000 Okay, when you run, do you do a snot rocket? 0.53

02:21:52.000 Do you put a finger on one nostril like that and go, and then the other side and go, do you ever do that?

02:21:59.000 Not only when I'm running.

02:22:00.000 Why when I'm running?

02:22:02.000 Because it's a good thing to do in the middle of running.

02:22:04.000 But then you have snot all over your face.

02:22:06.000 Yeah.

02:22:07.000 Do you run outside?

02:22:08.000 Yes.

02:22:08.000 Yeah.

02:22:09.000 Yeah.

02:22:10.000 I'm trying to start running barefoot.

02:22:11.000 Do you run inside?

02:22:11.000 Barefoot?

02:22:12.000 Yeah.

02:22:12.000 Like those socks you sent me?

02:22:13.000 Those socks are ridiculous. 1.00

02:22:15.000 So stupid. 1.00

02:22:16.000 Here's the thing about those socks, and I feel it with those five-finger running shoes. 1.00

02:22:19.000 Are those known?

02:22:19.000 I don't even know.

02:22:20.000 Yeah, I've heard of them.

02:22:21.000 The steel socks?

02:22:22.000 Yeah, they're made out of Dyneema. 1.00

02:22:24.000 Dyneema is the same stuff they use to make bowstrings. 0.98

02:22:27.000 Oh, really?

02:22:28.000 Yeah, because it's incredibly strong.

02:22:29.000 I mean, you think about it, a bow, you're pulling back, like, a really heavy bow can go like 80 pounds of pressure to pull it back.

02:22:36.000 And so you have all this force on this very thin wire that's like the shoestring.

02:22:42.000 Thinner even, in fact.

02:22:43.000 That's how strong Dyneema is. 1.00

02:22:45.000 So they make these shoes out of Dyneema and you can run on things.

02:22:49.000 Well, I'm getting into, like, I'm trying to be barefoot outside 30 minutes a day.

02:22:55.000 It's a good move.

02:22:56.000 Does it say Dyneema?

02:22:57.000 No, well, today I did kickboxing, which I always do barefoot.

02:23:01.000 So I got a lot of barefoot moving in.

02:23:03.000 And I also do it on a fairly soft surface, which is great, because your feet really get to dig in, your toes push off.

02:23:11.000 Very, very good for you.

02:23:12.000 Because don't we want the electrons from the earth or something?

02:23:14.000 That's it?

02:23:14.000 It's Dyneema, Jamie?

02:23:15.000 Yeah, I got these myself, too.

02:23:17.000 You do?

02:23:18.000 They felt like just putting on garden gloves on your feet.

02:23:21.000 But can you walk on rocks and stuff and it feels fine?

02:23:24.000 I walked outside in my little parking lot and it was like, nah, I feel like it felt barefoot, like glass was going to go right through my foot.

02:23:30.000 Oh, it wasn't, right?

02:23:31.000 I wouldn't have run anywhere.

02:23:33.000 But glass won't go through it.

02:23:34.000 I wasn't going to test it.

02:23:35.000 But it just felt like it. 1.00

02:23:36.000 Don't be a pussy, bro. 1.00

02:23:37.000 They didn't feel comfortable at all. 1.00

02:23:39.000 Yeah, this is supposed to be like sneakers.

02:23:41.000 Yeah, I didn't buy the advertising.

02:23:44.000 Write a Yelp review.

02:23:46.000 How much were they?

02:23:47.000 Expensive?

02:23:49.000 80 bucks.

02:23:49.000 Jesus!

02:23:50.000 Bowstrings cut all the time, accidentally.

02:23:53.000 Bowstrings, it's not invulnerable.

02:23:56.000 In fact, when I was in Hawaii, I accidentally cut one of my bowstrings with the broadhead from the arrow, just touched it, and I didn't even know it happened.

02:24:03.000 That's not so good.

02:24:03.000 Yeah, it's not good.

02:24:05.000 It's like fishing wire, kind of, or fishing line?

02:24:09.000 Well, it's some sort of a synthetic line.

02:24:11.000 I don't know how exactly they make it.

02:24:12.000 I think it's got to be different.

02:24:14.000 But there's a bunch of different kind of fishing line too.

02:24:16.000 They have braided fishing line.

02:24:17.000 It's like the most common stuff that they use.

02:24:20.000 Do you fish?

02:24:21.000 Yeah.

02:24:21.000 Yeah, I fish.

02:24:22.000 Where?

02:24:23.000 When you go to Utah?

02:24:24.000 Mostly, no.

02:24:25.000 Mostly saltwater.

02:24:26.000 Fly fishing?

02:24:27.000 Yeah, no.

02:24:28.000 Just boat fishing.

02:24:29.000 You know, if I'm in the ocean, it's great to catch fish, and then, you know, you bring it, like if you're staying at a restaurant or at a hotel.

02:24:35.000 Where are you on mercury?

02:24:36.000 Are we eating mercury?

02:24:37.000 You could definitely get some mercury in your body if you eat a lot of salmon, or if you eat a lot of tuna, rather.

02:24:42.000 Is it salmon?

02:24:43.000 It's tuna, right?

02:24:43.000 Tuna.

02:24:44.000 And swordfish is bad, too.

02:24:45.000 But they just say don't eat it all the time, every day.

02:24:48.000 Yeah.

02:24:49.000 With the amount of heavy metals that are in the ocean, you're definitely going to get some.

02:24:52.000 I don't know how much of it they're actually testing, though.

02:24:54.000 Yeah.

02:24:55.000 I get my blood tested, and I've never shown it.

02:24:58.000 At one point in time, I was eating a lot of sardines, and it tested positive for arsenic.

02:25:04.000 Is that in rice too now though?

02:25:06.000 I don't know.

02:25:06.000 It was a very tiny amount.

02:25:08.000 The doctor was like, hmm, go through your diet.

02:25:11.000 And as soon as I hit sardines, he goes, how often do you eat?

02:25:13.000 I go, I eat like two cans a day.

02:25:15.000 Jesus!

02:25:16.000 He's like, what?

02:25:16.000 And he's like, yeah, that's it.

02:25:18.000 You think?

02:25:18.000 He goes, yeah.

02:25:19.000 They live in very polluted areas often and they're at the bottom.

02:25:22.000 Yeah.

02:25:22.000 A lot of times they collect some of the heavy metals that comes from our pollutants.

02:25:25.000 Do you still eat sardines?

02:25:26.000 Yeah.

02:25:27.000 How often?

02:25:28.000 Not every day, not two cans a day, but I ate a can last night.

02:25:31.000 Why do you have to do them canned?

02:25:34.000 Because you don't.

02:25:35.000 You can eat them fresh for sure.

02:25:36.000 They're just a good source of healthy fats when they're canned because they can them in olive oil.

02:25:40.000 But it's a good high fat thing to eat for me before I go to bed.

02:25:45.000 Do you enjoy the taste of them?

02:25:47.000 Well, yeah.

02:25:48.000 They're not that bad.

02:25:49.000 I like them.

02:25:49.000 Also, what is this?

02:25:50.000 We were talking about this earlier.

02:25:51.000 This whole thing of everything has to taste good.

02:25:53.000 It doesn't.

02:25:54.000 That cave shake.

02:25:55.000 There's this thing where everything has to taste good.

02:25:57.000 I'm like, no, they don't. 0.98

02:25:57.000 Everything that tastes good is fucking terrible for you. 0.98

02:25:59.000 Sometimes things that taste good are great for you. 0.99

02:26:02.000 Like a juicy steak.

02:26:03.000 Well, that's true.

02:26:04.000 That's a good thing.

02:26:04.000 Yeah.

02:26:05.000 There's things that are good for you that taste good.

02:26:07.000 Beets.

02:26:07.000 Beets taste delicious.

02:26:08.000 I'm a big fan of beets.

02:26:09.000 I love beets.

02:26:10.000 They're super good for you.

02:26:11.000 Yeah.

02:26:12.000 So, like, there's a lot of stuff that tastes good that's good for you.

02:26:15.000 I'm trying to figure out what to eat.

02:26:16.000 I just don't know what to eat.

02:26:17.000 I'm going to start eating whatever you post on Instagram.

02:26:19.000 Don't get another eating disorder. 1.00

02:26:20.000 No, now my eating disorder is I only eat shit that you post. 1.00

02:26:23.000 I bought all those cave shakes. 1.00

02:26:25.000 I'm only eating those cave shakes now.

02:26:27.000 Well, I have meat for you.

02:26:27.000 I got elk for you.

02:26:28.000 Really?

02:26:29.000 That sounded wrong.

02:26:29.000 I had to say elk.

02:26:30.000 I have meat for you.

02:26:32.000 Thank you, R. Kelly. 1.00

02:26:33.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:26:34.000 Real talk. 1.00

02:26:35.000 I got meat for you.

02:26:36.000 Real talk. 1.00

02:26:37.000 Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? 1.00

02:26:41.000 Real talk. 0.99

02:26:41.000 Wait, are you a good singer? 0.99

02:26:43.000 No.

02:26:43.000 Are you sure?

02:26:44.000 Definitely.

02:26:45.000 100%.

02:26:45.000 I don't know.

02:26:45.000 I think that your joke singing is actually pretty amazing.

02:26:48.000 It's just R. Kelly.

02:26:49.000 If I wanted to go on tour, it's R. Kelly.

02:26:51.000 Real talk!

02:26:53.000 People that have a real singer, they can do things with their voice.

02:26:57.000 I can only make noises.

02:26:58.000 It's a muscle, ultimately, isn't it?

02:27:00.000 I think it's a sound that you're capable of making, right?

02:27:03.000 There's impressions.

02:27:05.000 I can do impressions of some people, and I know when I can do them.

02:27:09.000 Are they in your same register?

02:27:11.000 Yeah.

02:27:11.000 You do a good Sam Kinison impression?

02:27:13.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:27:13.000 I can do that if I could listen to him in particular.

02:27:16.000 Then I can do it.

02:27:17.000 Then you can just get into it.

02:27:18.000 I can do a Mike Tyson.

02:27:19.000 I can do a few of them.

02:27:20.000 But then there's other ones that I hear and I go, I can't do that one.

02:27:23.000 Apparently people who are good at impressions are good at singing.

02:27:25.000 It's the same part of your brain, right?

02:27:27.000 Really?

02:27:27.000 Like you hear something and can replicate it.

02:27:29.000 It's about hearing, not about replicating or something.

02:27:32.000 Well, it's like singing is a weird thing, right?

02:27:35.000 Because there's Mariah Carey-style singing, and then there's Amy Winehouse singing.

02:27:39.000 Right.

02:27:40.000 And I like both of them.

02:27:42.000 Big Mariah Carey fan.

02:27:44.000 Yeah, I was going to say, I did not see this coming.

02:27:47.000 I'd say the difference, like Mariah Carey, I wouldn't say she's known for songwriting, whereas Amy Winehouse is... 0.57

02:27:53.000 Yes, she has more soul and talent. 0.99

02:27:55.000 Different artist, but like that fantasy song?

02:27:57.000 I can't believe you just said that.

02:27:59.000 It's a great song.

02:28:00.000 The one with Busta Rhymes on it?

02:28:02.000 Yeah, that one.

02:28:03.000 I can't believe you just said that.

02:28:04.000 Mia Mariah.

02:28:05.000 Go back like babies. 0.95

02:28:07.000 I listened to that.

02:28:08.000 That's like my go-to song.

02:28:09.000 That's ODP. Huh?

02:28:10.000 Is it Old Dirty Bastard?

02:28:11.000 Even better.

02:28:12.000 What did I just say?

02:28:12.000 Busta Rhymes.

02:28:13.000 Oh God, I'm so racist.

02:28:16.000 Sorry.

02:28:18.000 Should not have smoked weed today.

02:28:20.000 Conflating black rappers with deep voices. 0.98

02:28:22.000 Whoopsies. 0.98

02:28:23.000 I'm not even joking.

02:28:23.000 That's like my go-to song to put me in a good mood.

02:28:26.000 It's a good song.

02:28:26.000 It's a great song.

02:28:27.000 It's a good song.

02:28:28.000 Her voice is awesome.

02:28:29.000 That's so weird.

02:28:30.000 She's got a beautiful voice.

02:28:31.000 It sounds good.

02:28:31.000 I'm a big fan.

02:28:32.000 Hero makes me cry every time.

02:28:34.000 But I also like Liz Phair's voice, which is all like talking through songs.

02:28:38.000 Yeah, I do love me some Liz Phair.

02:28:39.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:28:39.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:28:41.000 ODB and Mariah Carey. 1.00

02:28:43.000 She's like lost it, right?

02:28:45.000 Kind of lost her mind?

02:28:46.000 Listen, we all lose it eventually.

02:28:48.000 I mean, yeah.

02:28:48.000 Can you please have her on the podcast?

02:28:50.000 How famous you get.

02:28:51.000 If you get that famous, good luck.

02:28:53.000 Do you remember her in that field of corn with those Djibouti shorts on?

02:28:59.000 I mean, big fan.

02:29:00.000 That was the first song, right?

02:29:01.000 That was her first big hit.

02:29:02.000 Yeah.

02:29:03.000 Pigtails. 0.73

02:29:03.000 Yeah. 0.73

02:29:04.000 And everybody was like, Jesus, Louisa.

02:29:06.000 And she was dating some record executive, right?

02:29:08.000 No, she married him.

02:29:09.000 Not Jimmy Ivey.

02:29:10.000 Who was it?

02:29:10.000 Good move.

02:29:11.000 Tommy Mottola.

02:29:12.000 Tommy Mottola.

02:29:12.000 You just know everything, don't you?

02:29:14.000 He does.

02:29:14.000 Ask him some gossip.

02:29:16.000 He's a gossip boy.

02:29:18.000 Who was Jennifer Lopez's first husband?

02:29:21.000 Before Puff Daddy?

02:29:23.000 I don't think they were married.

02:29:24.000 Before Antonio...

02:29:26.000 Antonio Banderas?

02:29:28.000 Did Ben...

02:29:29.000 What's his name?

02:29:30.000 Ben Affleck?

02:29:30.000 Did he dodge the bullet?

02:29:31.000 They didn't get married.

02:29:33.000 They did some music videos together.

02:29:35.000 Mark Anthony was...

02:29:36.000 She was married to her, but I don't know about before.

02:29:37.000 But she was married to some guy who sued...

02:29:40.000 Where are you going?

02:29:41.000 Everybody dodging her.

02:29:43.000 Dodging Jennifer Lopez.

02:29:45.000 Remember when Ben Affleck was in a music video with her?

02:29:47.000 Chris Judd.

02:29:48.000 Chris Judd!

02:29:50.000 I heard a story that I hope is true.

02:29:53.000 Someone told me that they were told by a construction guy that Jennifer Lopez called them and told them to take Ben Affleck's basketball court that he has and move it to her house.

02:30:07.000 And they were like, what?

02:30:08.000 And she was like, I want to surprise him.

02:30:10.000 I want to move his basketball court to my house.

02:30:13.000 Does she know how asphalt works?

02:30:14.000 She wanted them to literally build a basketball court in her, I'm sure, palatial estate. 1.00

02:30:21.000 He has an indoor basketball court.

02:30:24.000 She wanted them to recreate it at her place.

02:30:26.000 Take it board by board and move it to her place. 1.00

02:30:29.000 Now, if that is true, and it may not be, it might just be bullshit that somebody told me. 0.95

02:30:33.000 It's a power move. 0.79

02:30:33.000 But I loved it. 0.79

02:30:34.000 I loved it.

02:30:35.000 I'm like, that girl, like, how hard does she squeeze?

02:30:40.000 I mean, do you know what I'm saying?

02:30:41.000 I mean, what kind of ferocious power?

02:30:43.000 I'm not sure I know what that means. 0.99

02:30:45.000 A dick? 1.00

02:30:46.000 A dick? 1.00

02:30:46.000 Everything. 1.00

02:30:47.000 Everything.

02:30:48.000 Emotionally, sexually.

02:30:50.000 How hard does she pull it in? 1.00

02:30:51.000 How much control does she clamp down that she thought it would be a good move to move his entire basketball court? 1.00

02:30:59.000 But do guys like it when women throw money around and give gifts like that? 0.99

02:31:03.000 That's not women. 1.00

02:31:03.000 That's stealing your basketball court and putting it in your house. 1.00

02:31:06.000 That's a crazy person's move.

02:31:07.000 But to make him happy?

02:31:09.000 How does that make you happy when someone steals your basketball court?

02:31:12.000 Because you get to now play basketball at my house.

02:31:15.000 Isn't that the whole point?

02:31:17.000 Whitney's like, I would do it.

02:31:18.000 I'm thinking of doing it.

02:31:19.000 My boyfriend has a tennis court and I don't like where it is.

02:31:22.000 I need it to be closer to me. 1.00

02:31:24.000 I'm not going to drive down to your fucking bullshit house. 1.00

02:31:26.000 Listen, we are together forever. 1.00

02:31:29.000 I'm convinced.

02:31:30.000 Are you? 1.00

02:31:31.000 Okay, then let me make this fucking call and move your goddamn tennis court! 1.00

02:31:36.000 I don't see anything wrong with her choice. 0.99

02:31:39.000 I think it sounds like an awesome solution to a frustrating problem.

02:31:43.000 I'm not going to drive over to Ogden in Sunset.

02:31:46.000 You come to me.

02:31:47.000 You come to Calabasas.

02:31:48.000 Right.

02:31:48.000 I understand what you're saying.

02:31:49.000 I understand what you're saying.

02:31:51.000 I feel like they were fighting about it.

02:31:53.000 He's like, I want to go play basketball.

02:31:54.000 And she's like, but I need you here.

02:31:55.000 And he's like, well, my basketball court's over there. 1.00

02:31:56.000 And she was like, now what, bitch? 1.00

02:31:59.000 I respect that. 1.00

02:32:00.000 Now what?

02:32:01.000 What? 1.00

02:32:02.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:32:03.000 Your basketball court's right here. 1.00

02:32:05.000 Fuck me! 1.00

02:32:05.000 No, fuck you! 1.00

02:32:06.000 Yeah, I'm gonna go play basketball with my boys. 1.00

02:32:08.000 Oh, that's interesting.

02:32:09.000 The basketball court's here.

02:32:10.000 Now what's your excuse?

02:32:11.000 Now where are you going? 1.00

02:32:12.000 That's like a let me smell your dick move. 1.00

02:32:14.000 Right. 0.99

02:32:14.000 They put like a little balcony where she could watch over the basketball game like this. 0.99

02:32:20.000 Like some princess in a castle.

02:32:23.000 And I would put all these shaming devices in, like every time you miss a basket, the whole court reverberates with a fart noise.

02:32:34.000 Just to emasculate him as much as possible.

02:32:37.000 That's too much pressure.

02:32:38.000 But if she sat there just cross-heart, like reading a book.

02:32:41.000 This is where I like to read.

02:32:42.000 I like to read the sound of you guys playing basketball. 1.00

02:32:45.000 No one can talk any crazy shit. 0.99

02:32:47.000 Dude, dude, dude, listen to me. 1.00

02:32:49.000 Do guys like expensive gifts?

02:32:52.000 Don't get married.

02:32:53.000 Just don't do it.

02:32:54.000 How am I going to not do it, bro?

02:32:56.000 She moved the basketball court. 1.00

02:32:57.000 I mean, what the fuck, man? 1.00

02:32:58.000 They didn't get married. 1.00

02:32:59.000 No.

02:33:00.000 So it either didn't work or it didn't happen.

02:33:02.000 Imagine if the story's true, by the way.

02:33:04.000 I don't even know if the story's true.

02:33:05.000 Let's assume it's not true.

02:33:07.000 But let's just, for fiction, let's create this true story that she did move the basketball court.

02:33:12.000 And here poor Ben is with his few actor buddies that are hanging out with him like, dude, you can't do this.

02:33:17.000 You can't do this.

02:33:18.000 Here's what it is.

02:33:19.000 My nightmare is the guy I'm with going out on a boy's night.

02:33:23.000 I'm going to go play basketball with my boys.

02:33:25.000 Ding, ding, ding!

02:33:25.000 If the basketball court's here, I know what you're doing.

02:33:28.000 I'm in control of your shit. 1.00

02:33:30.000 You're not secretly going to Jumbo's clown room. 1.00

02:33:32.000 I can control the situation.

02:33:34.000 Do you treat the boy the same way you treat a dog?

02:33:36.000 Like when you look in his eyes?

02:33:38.000 Yeah, I walk through them.

02:33:39.000 I just give them raw meat and marrow bones.

02:33:42.000 And they're not allowed on the couch. 1.00

02:33:43.000 Do you eye fuck them? 1.00

02:33:44.000 Like, hey, look at me. 1.00

02:33:46.000 No, I'm very beta in my relationships.

02:33:48.000 But something I do wonder is apparently giving is masculine, and I'm always curious if guys like expensive gifts or if they don't.

02:33:56.000 I don't have an opinion.

02:33:58.000 We're dating.

02:33:58.000 I'm getting you a watch.

02:34:01.000 Well, you're rich, so I wouldn't.

02:34:03.000 I'd say that's so sweet of you.

02:34:04.000 No, I'm not, because I buy guys watches.

02:34:05.000 I have no money left.

02:34:06.000 I would say that's very sweet.

02:34:08.000 That's a really nice thing. 0.99

02:34:09.000 I'd be like, damn, I gotta buy this bitch something now. 1.00

02:34:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:12.000 Yeah, I would think that.

02:34:13.000 Oh, I don't like that.

02:34:14.000 I don't want to feel like...

02:34:15.000 I don't want to feel like scorekeeping.

02:34:18.000 Right. 0.99

02:34:18.000 But if I get you a, I don't know, fucking another salt lamp. 0.99

02:34:23.000 Right. 1.00

02:34:23.000 Nice move. 1.00

02:34:24.000 Whatever, that's not a strong move.

02:34:25.000 I don't know what that is.

02:34:25.000 It's a salt lamp.

02:34:26.000 If I get you something fancy or pay for a trip or something, do you like it or do you feel, like, grossed out?

02:34:33.000 I think ideally, like, and this is a very...

02:34:35.000 This is... 0.99

02:34:36.000 It sounds like horse shit, but I'm being honest. 1.00

02:34:38.000 I think ideally... 1.00

02:34:40.000 Especially in a situation where someone like you has a lot of money, if you're dating a guy, I give it all to dogs and sick relatives.

02:34:51.000 You're not hurting.

02:34:53.000 You don't have an issue with money, right?

02:34:55.000 It's like the person that you're dating, if they're successful, likely, they don't have an issue with money either.

02:35:00.000 So if people don't have an issue with money, money should just be like fun coupons.

02:35:04.000 She'd be like, what can we do?

02:35:06.000 Can we go do something?

02:35:07.000 Oh, interesting.

02:35:07.000 But what if the other person doesn't have Joe Rogan money?

02:35:09.000 Well, then it becomes weirder.

02:35:11.000 Then it becomes weirder.

02:35:12.000 Does it feel patronizing?

02:35:13.000 It could.

02:35:14.000 You know, I mean, it depends on what kind of relationship you have with the person.

02:35:17.000 But it also, it's like, what's the purpose of this?

02:35:21.000 Is this like a control thing?

02:35:22.000 Or is it just like a let's go have fun thing?

02:35:24.000 Yeah.

02:35:25.000 It depends on the motive.

02:35:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:35:27.000 So like if Ben Affleck was dating Jennifer Lopez, they're both fucking kajillionaires. 0.99

02:35:31.000 It doesn't matter. 0.99

02:35:32.000 It's fun coupons.

02:35:32.000 It's just like, here's a thing, here's a car, here's a whatever.

02:35:35.000 Yeah, like if Ben orders the private jet, Jennifer doesn't go like, fuck you, bitch, I'm paying for this. 1.00

02:35:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:35:41.000 You can't pay for me.

02:35:43.000 They don't even know.

02:35:43.000 I don't even know who's paying for what.

02:35:45.000 That's probably what it's like.

02:35:46.000 Yeah, it's fun coupons.

02:35:47.000 I feel like money is the last frontier of weird.

02:35:51.000 It can be.

02:35:52.000 It's just so symbolic, I feel like now.

02:35:56.000 I've had financial arrangements with friends before that go south, and it just gets real weird.

02:36:00.000 If you were dating now, let's say we're in some alternative string theory universe where you were dating, would you pay for everything if you were starting from scratch?

02:36:08.000 If I was starting from scratch with a person?

02:36:10.000 Like with a new person?

02:36:11.000 For sure, if the person didn't have money.

02:36:14.000 And one of the reasons why I like paying is because I like to tip a lot.

02:36:18.000 But what if you date someone who has money... 0.99

02:36:21.000 Then no, I don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:36:23.000 Then you'll split it? 1.00

02:36:23.000 Yeah, like my friends. 1.00

02:36:24.000 Like if I go out with my friends.

02:36:25.000 But with a woman, it's different. 0.86

02:36:27.000 Well, it depends.

02:36:28.000 Or is it? 0.99

02:36:28.000 I would be more than happy to pay because I don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:36:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:36:31.000 But if they for some reason wanted to pay, I wouldn't give a fuck about that either. 0.99

02:36:35.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:36:35.000 I'd be like, okay. 0.97

02:36:36.000 Yeah.

02:36:36.000 Like as long as it didn't feel weird.

02:36:39.000 But like I've met guys where the guy doesn't make any money and the woman makes a ton of money. 1.00

02:36:46.000 And the woman pays for everything, and that relationship always gets squirrely. 1.00

02:36:50.000 Never.

02:36:50.000 It's squirrely.

02:36:51.000 I'm your mother.

02:36:53.000 Squirrely.

02:36:53.000 But the other way, it can work.

02:36:55.000 Like, if the guy has a ton of money and the woman doesn't, it definitely can work. 1.00

02:36:58.000 Yeah, always.

02:36:59.000 And I don't know why.

02:37:00.000 I mean, it's not saying it's impossible.

02:37:03.000 It's alpha, though.

02:37:05.000 It's just not likely.

02:37:05.000 It's not likely that that's going to work for whatever reason.

02:37:08.000 Yeah.

02:37:09.000 I never know if paying makes things weird or if it's masculine. 0.74

02:37:12.000 Like, Beyonce and Jay-Z, do you think they give a fuck about who pays for something that sells fun coupons? 0.77

02:37:17.000 If they split the bill, I am the happiest person on the planet. 0.89

02:37:20.000 That would be hilarious, right?

02:37:20.000 Like, did you get the salmon?

02:37:21.000 No, I got the salmon.

02:37:22.000 If you could just put this on two carts.

02:37:24.000 Yeah.

02:37:25.000 But I think like you're obligated at that level of fame to tip ridiculously.

02:37:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:37:30.000 I just heard somewhere that 20% is actually not a good tip.

02:37:33.000 Really?

02:37:34.000 Yeah.

02:37:35.000 Yeah.

02:37:35.000 I think it's a good tip.

02:37:36.000 Someone, a friend of mine who has a daughter who's a waitress said the waitress was like, that's now not...

02:37:41.000 So what is it now?

02:37:42.000 25?

02:37:43.000 I don't know.

02:37:44.000 I guess so. 1.00

02:37:45.000 Give me all your money, fuck. 1.00

02:37:46.000 I don't like working. 1.00

02:37:47.000 It's just such a nightmare.

02:37:49.000 20 is standard.

02:37:50.000 20 is expected.

02:37:52.000 20 is expected.

02:37:53.000 It used to be 15, right?

02:37:54.000 When does this start?

02:37:56.000 Working at a restaurant, one of the last jobs I had was a brand new restaurant, and the rule they were coming up with to decide how much we had to tip out to our co-workers Was basing it off of us getting 20% off of every table.

02:38:12.000 Wow.

02:38:12.000 20% is expected.

02:38:14.000 That's fucked up, man. 1.00

02:38:14.000 Because then they're screwing you. 1.00

02:38:16.000 Because you know there's going to be a lot of cheap people. 0.99

02:38:18.000 I've seen some people leave some fucking horrendous tips. 0.99

02:38:21.000 It really bothers you. 0.99

02:38:22.000 Honestly, that is my number one pet peeve.

02:38:24.000 It makes me sick.

02:38:24.000 It's just so selfish.

02:38:26.000 Unless you're super broke and you can barely pay.

02:38:28.000 And then honestly, you probably shouldn't be going out.

02:38:31.000 Just don't be going out to restaurants.

02:38:32.000 But yeah.

02:38:33.000 But how are people supposed to know this stuff?

02:38:35.000 Because I thought it was 15%.

02:38:38.000 Go out.

02:38:38.000 Then the servers start getting mad and like, we shouldn't be going out to eat if you can't afford a 20% tip.

02:38:43.000 Yeah.

02:38:43.000 Then add 20% to the whole bill.

02:38:45.000 There's a place that I go to, a sushi place, that puts the tip on the bill always.

02:38:49.000 I kind of like that.

02:38:51.000 It's not bad.

02:38:51.000 I like it at hotels.

02:38:52.000 It's always like, gratuity included, which is like, how shitty is your clientele that you have to include?

02:38:57.000 Yeah.

02:38:58.000 Gratuity because you don't trust them.

02:38:59.000 Well, it's not necessarily that.

02:39:01.000 It's just that you take it out of the equation.

02:39:04.000 Yeah, it's nice to not have to think about it.

02:39:06.000 That's the worst part at the end of a date when you're like, what's the percentage?

02:39:10.000 It's also weird that those people who are working don't get paid right.

02:39:14.000 They only get paid through tips.

02:39:15.000 People say they rely on your tips.

02:39:17.000 Is that it?

02:39:18.000 As a waiter, do you only make tips? 0.99

02:39:19.000 That's fucked up. 0.99

02:39:20.000 I had no idea. 0.99

02:39:21.000 Why don't you pay them?

02:39:22.000 Why don't they get some kind of lump sum? 0.51

02:39:24.000 How come you can fire them, but you don't have to pay them?

02:39:26.000 Or you pay them very little?

02:39:27.000 Do you get insurance?

02:39:28.000 No.

02:39:29.000 Where did you work?

02:39:29.000 In Ohio, which is a right-to-work state.

02:39:32.000 What kind of restaurant?

02:39:33.000 All kinds.

02:39:34.000 I worked at a chain.

02:39:35.000 Did you get health insurance?

02:39:37.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:39:38.000 Just tips?

02:39:39.000 Yeah, this is also pre-Obamacare, so I don't know how it actually works now, but I would not have been able to afford it.

02:39:44.000 I can tell you that.

02:39:45.000 How much money a night in tips?

02:39:46.000 For a guy, it's also different between guys and girls there, too. 0.99

02:39:50.000 Oh, is that like the one profession where guys get fucked? 0.99

02:39:53.000 Yes. 1.00

02:39:54.000 It's a woman's game. 1.00

02:39:55.000 I was discussing this with someone at the end of the night, and we kind of came to the conclusion it might be, not for sure, but it might be that, let's say a guy's taking care of the bill, he might feel shittier, or it might be more okay being shittier to a guy than a girl that's taking care of him.

02:40:11.000 Wow.

02:40:11.000 For whatever reason, lots of things could play into that, but that's kind of where we arrived to.

02:40:16.000 That is fascinating.

02:40:17.000 Because we were all Arely servers, the girl I was talking to.

02:40:19.000 Well, a lot of men have weird competition issues with other men.

02:40:21.000 You've got some guys bringing your food. 1.00

02:40:23.000 You're like, fuck that guy. 1.00

02:40:24.000 Give him a shitty tip. 1.00

02:40:25.000 Just shittier that way. 0.99

02:40:26.000 You don't want to be mean to a girl.

02:40:27.000 You don't want to make her cry.

02:40:28.000 That might not happen, but you think it could, and you just make all your decisions based off of that.

02:40:33.000 Yeah.

02:40:34.000 That is so nuts.

02:40:35.000 I never thought about being a male waiter.

02:40:36.000 You're going to make less money than a woman. 1.00

02:40:38.000 Probably.

02:40:39.000 Unless you're really good at it.

02:40:40.000 It's a sexist profession. 0.99

02:40:41.000 But if you're at a really good restaurant, you're a really good male waiter who knows exactly what kind of fucking Dijon sauce is in the preparation. 0.97

02:40:49.000 Then you have to be almost way above and beyond the job, knowing way deep, being anticipating everything. 0.93

02:40:55.000 How much a night?

02:40:56.000 How much in tips a night?

02:40:57.000 A hundred bucks, maybe, is a good, decent night.

02:40:59.000 But out here, you'd be expecting to make three or four hundred a night, or you wouldn't probably survive.

02:41:03.000 Right, but a lot of out here...

02:41:05.000 You want to work at a place that serves alcohol, though, right?

02:41:07.000 Yeah.

02:41:08.000 For sure.

02:41:08.000 You want to make the cash, yeah.

02:41:09.000 That's the only way to make money.

02:41:10.000 But I would think that if you were like a waiter, like, I'm always fascinated when you go to a nice Italian restaurant, and the waiter's obviously from Italy.

02:41:20.000 Oh, interesting.

02:41:21.000 I wish I could stop coughing, Jesus Christ.

02:41:22.000 I know, are you okay?

02:41:23.000 Yeah, I just have phlegm.

02:41:24.000 But if the waiter's from Italy, like, it's more impressive, right?

02:41:27.000 Yes, always.

02:41:28.000 You're like, oh!

02:41:30.000 Do they bring those guys over?

02:41:32.000 How's that work?

02:41:33.000 Do they have some sort of a service?

02:41:35.000 Probably.

02:41:35.000 Or Italian restaurants request the services?

02:41:38.000 Yeah, you're going to want it.

02:41:39.000 I mean, because Italians take service way more seriously than we do.

02:41:42.000 Everybody who's working as a waiter, I feel like at least certainly out here, is trying to do something else for a living.

02:41:47.000 Right, but it makes your restaurant more legit.

02:41:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:41:49.000 Like, you don't even know who the fuck's cooking. 0.99

02:41:51.000 It could be a straight-up white guy in the back. 1.00

02:41:52.000 That's true.

02:41:52.000 That doesn't bother you.

02:41:53.000 But as long as it's an Italian person explaining the right, you know, enunciation of the words.

02:41:59.000 Yeah, you're just enchanted. 0.99

02:42:00.000 What's the most fucked-up thing you've ever seen in a restaurant? 0.99

02:42:02.000 Like, restaurants are just nightmares, right? 0.97

02:42:04.000 Not fucked up, but I just remember, because I explained this too, the newer restaurant I worked at that was expecting that 20%, the clientele they were trying to attract was like a white tablecloth kind of thing, although it was not in that kind of place and was not that kind of restaurant. 0.73

02:42:18.000 And one of my first tables I got that was expecting that service, I like cleared the gentleman's plate before his wife, before she was... 0.97

02:42:26.000 Close to being done eating.

02:42:27.000 I literally got yelled at about that and explained to why you shouldn't do that.

02:42:33.000 You shouldn't take a plate.

02:42:34.000 My boss, he got yelled at by the client and then the next day he was like, hey, just so you know, don't take people's plates until everybody's done.

02:42:41.000 I was like, what?

02:42:44.000 That was just a weird thing. 1.00

02:42:45.000 You fucked up, Jamie. 0.99

02:42:47.000 I hear there's no such thing as Chilean sea bass. 1.00

02:42:50.000 That's not a real thing. 0.96

02:42:50.000 They just take white fish and they call it a bunch of other shit so they can charge $30. 0.96

02:42:55.000 Definitely Chilean sea bass. 0.99

02:42:56.000 Really?

02:42:57.000 I thought that was like an invention.

02:42:59.000 Really?

02:43:00.000 Like a restaurant invention.

02:43:01.000 Look up New York Times. 0.99

02:43:02.000 They also say don't eat sushi in Oklahoma City and shit like that. 0.98

02:43:05.000 Yeah, but that's not what she's saying. 0.99

02:43:06.000 She's saying Chilean sea bass is not a real fish.

02:43:08.000 Like apparently restaurants just take random white fish and call it a bunch of fancy things.

02:43:12.000 But it tastes so similar.

02:43:13.000 Really?

02:43:14.000 Yeah, Chilean sea bass has a very interesting and unique buttery taste to it.

02:43:17.000 Like don't a lot of restaurants just take garbage fish and put a bunch of salt on it and call it fancy?

02:43:22.000 They definitely have found that.

02:43:23.000 They've found that people lie about the type of sushi you're eating oftentimes.

02:43:26.000 Yeah.

02:43:26.000 Fake fish on your plate.

02:43:28.000 Right, but that's Chilean sea bass you just ordered.

02:43:30.000 It isn't a bass, and it probably didn't come from Chile.

02:43:33.000 No!

02:43:35.000 What is it?

02:43:37.000 This is fishy. 1.00

02:43:38.000 Fuck, this is crazy. 1.00

02:43:39.000 I know, isn't that nuts? 1.00

02:43:40.000 Chilean sea bass is a fraud.

02:43:42.000 First off, it's not really a bass, it's a cod.

02:43:44.000 Oh, that makes sense, because you know what?

02:43:45.000 It tastes like miso cod.

02:43:47.000 Like miso cod in Chilean sea bass.

02:43:49.000 Buttery, right?

02:43:51.000 Until the late 1970s, the name Chilean sea bass didn't exist.

02:43:54.000 The fish went by the unappetizing name of the Patagonian Toothfish.

02:43:59.000 I'm good.

02:44:00.000 Okay, so it is an actual animal.

02:44:02.000 It's just not a bass.

02:44:03.000 So that makes sense why it's uniform in its flavor.

02:44:05.000 Right.

02:44:06.000 But it's on a bass to a cod.

02:44:08.000 That's better.

02:44:09.000 Cod tastes better than bass.

02:44:10.000 That's why it's interesting because bass doesn't taste good.

02:44:12.000 Most bass are not like the tastiest fish.

02:44:16.000 Really?

02:44:16.000 No.

02:44:17.000 They're like very fishy.

02:44:18.000 Well, largemouth bass are kind of boring to eat.

02:44:20.000 That's funny that bluefin tuna used to be cat food. 0.55

02:44:21.000 It used to be trash fish.

02:44:24.000 How crazy is that? 0.62

02:44:24.000 That's hilarious. 0.62

02:44:25.000 Look, until the 1970s, bluefin tuna was considered a trash fish suitable for cat food.

02:44:29.000 Today it's one of the most prized fish in the world.

02:44:31.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

02:44:32.000 We are such idiots. 0.99

02:44:33.000 As the bluefin sushi craze spread from Japan to the United States, overfishing triggered a 95% decline in the fish's population. 1.00

02:44:42.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

02:44:43.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:44:44.000 95% since 1970s?

02:44:46.000 It's going extinct, isn't it?

02:44:48.000 That's not good.

02:44:49.000 95%. 0.93

02:44:50.000 I'm not a doctor, but I would say you're sick.

02:44:53.000 Wait, go up a little?

02:44:53.000 Up a tiny bit?

02:44:54.000 When seafood buyers found the fish adaptable in terms of taste and texture, they rebranded it as Chilean sea bass and peddled it as a gourmet fare.

02:45:01.000 Is that legal to just lie about what you're eating?

02:45:03.000 Look at what they're saying.

02:45:04.000 Today, much of the fish sold as Chilean sea bass comes from the Antarctic waters, not the Chilean coast.

02:45:11.000 Whoa.

02:45:12.000 Isn't that like false advertising or like blasphemy or isn't there some law against just lying about food?

02:45:17.000 Look, it's the same thing though.

02:45:19.000 Look, long considered worthless, the Patagonian toothfish can live up to 50 years and grow to 7 feet long.

02:45:25.000 But when seafood buyers found the fish adaptable in terms of taste and texture, they rebranded it as Chilean sea bass and peddled it as gourmet fare.

02:45:33.000 Scam.

02:45:35.000 Oh.

02:45:36.000 I'm so disappointed.

02:45:37.000 Real talk.

02:45:38.000 Real talk.

02:45:39.000 It's a lot. 0.99

02:45:40.000 Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? 0.99

02:45:45.000 Yeah, you gotta press your head. 1.00

02:45:48.000 My favorite is, bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes. 1.00

02:45:53.000 Yeah, we all wish someone would burn your clothes, R. Kelly. 1.00

02:45:56.000 They're disgusting. 0.99

02:45:57.000 I love it. 0.98

02:45:57.000 It's more like, don't you know how many sexual harassment lawsuits I have on my mind? 0.98

02:46:02.000 What does R. Kelly have on his mind?

02:46:05.000 Does he have a lot on his plate?

02:46:06.000 I don't think he's remarkably calm.

02:46:09.000 Yeah.

02:46:09.000 How old is R. Kelly?

02:46:11.000 He's 80. He seems to be like gliding through forever.

02:46:15.000 He's been 35 for 78 years.

02:46:17.000 He seems to be gliding through any forms of controversy like relatively unscathed.

02:46:21.000 How much money does he have?

02:46:22.000 Oh, ungodly Tums.

02:46:24.000 57?

02:46:25.000 I turned 50 this year.

02:46:26.000 50. Wow.

02:46:27.000 How much money is he worth?

02:46:28.000 Let's take a guess.

02:46:29.000 Like 20 million?

02:46:30.000 Way more.

02:46:30.000 100 million?

02:46:31.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:46:31.000 Does he write his own songs or whatever the fuck those are called? 0.97

02:46:33.000 Oh yeah, you think somebody else is writing that shit? 1.00

02:46:37.000 Were there other guys there? 1.00

02:46:40.000 Were there other guys there?

02:46:42.000 That's what I thought!

02:46:44.000 150 million.

02:46:46.000 What?

02:46:46.000 Boom!

02:46:47.000 What?

02:46:49.000 That's a low number.

02:46:50.000 Do you think that's true? 1.00

02:46:50.000 He's got probably 150 million stored in his fucking basement somewhere. 1.00

02:46:54.000 From what? 1.00

02:46:56.000 The 90s?

02:46:58.000 He's concerts.

02:46:58.000 He's constantly doing concerts.

02:46:59.000 It's live shows.

02:47:00.000 You're right, you're right, you're right.

02:47:01.000 He sells out giant places.

02:47:03.000 Every time you sell out a giant place, you can- Will you go to his website, his tour?

02:47:06.000 Hundreds, hundreds of thousands.

02:47:08.000 Constantly touring?

02:47:09.000 He tours. 1.00

02:47:10.000 He tours a lot when he's not fucking. 0.99

02:47:12.000 Oh, excuse me. 0.99

02:47:14.000 Look at that picture.

02:47:16.000 Go to events?

02:47:18.000 That's a beautiful photograph.

02:47:20.000 Ontario, California.

02:47:22.000 Oh, Citizens Business Bank Arena. 1.00

02:47:24.000 Arena, bitch. 1.00

02:47:25.000 Arena. 1.00

02:47:26.000 You know what I do in Ontario? 1.00

02:47:27.000 I do the fucking improv. 0.99

02:47:29.000 Me too. 1.00

02:47:29.000 That's a nice improv. 1.00

02:47:31.000 It's a fun one.

02:47:32.000 Citizens Bank Arena. 1.00

02:47:34.000 That's like a 20,000 seat motherfucker. 0.99

02:47:35.000 How much are tickets? 1.00

02:47:36.000 50 bucks.

02:47:37.000 50 bucks.

02:47:38.000 Okay.

02:47:39.000 The After Party Tour.

02:47:40.000 So no one's mad?

02:47:41.000 No one's mad about...

02:47:43.000 Oh, 127 bucks. 1.00

02:47:44.000 Damn. 1.00

02:47:45.000 Real talk. 1.00

02:47:48.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:47:48.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:47:49.000 Fuck me, girl! 1.00

02:47:51.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:47:51.000 You know what? 1.00

02:47:52.000 Good point.

02:47:52.000 You know what?

02:47:53.000 Never mind.

02:47:54.000 I'll stop yelling.

02:47:55.000 That was a cogent point.

02:47:57.000 He's still raking it in. 1.00

02:47:59.000 He does those every now and then, rakes in the cash, goes back to his sex slave den, slangs dick until he falls asleep. 1.00

02:48:06.000 So do you have to pay to be in the sex cult? 1.00

02:48:08.000 Yeah, everybody pays. 0.58

02:48:09.000 With your integrity and sexual health.

02:48:12.000 Everybody pays.

02:48:12.000 Gotta listen to lyrics.

02:48:14.000 Pays emotionally.

02:48:14.000 Gotta take notes.

02:48:15.000 50 years old, $150 million. 0.99

02:48:18.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:48:19.000 He's sold over a hundred million albums. 0.99

02:48:22.000 What?!

02:48:23.000 It's amazing he's only got 150 million left.

02:48:25.000 What?

02:48:26.000 He's got a dollar an album?

02:48:27.000 That's crazy.

02:48:28.000 You gotta get a new manager.

02:48:29.000 It's actually pretty good, I think.

02:48:31.000 Is it?

02:48:31.000 They saved that much?

02:48:32.000 Well, a dollar an album's a pretty good return.

02:48:34.000 Yeah.

02:48:34.000 But you would just think a guy, that plus concert sales, maybe he's got a lot more money.

02:48:40.000 You know, those fucking people don't know that celebrity network. 0.99

02:48:42.000 They're just making guesses. 0.99

02:48:43.000 So I was gonna say, what is that based on?

02:48:45.000 I've gone to mine and it's not true, I don't think.

02:48:49.000 I literally have no idea how much money I have.

02:48:52.000 50 million settlement!

02:48:54.000 Andrea Kelly needs you to support her ex, R. Kelly, so she can get paid. 1.00

02:48:57.000 The best job you can have is R. Kelly's ex-wife. 1.00

02:49:00.000 He agreed to a 50 million dollar settlement with his ex-wife.

02:49:04.000 Were they married more than 10 years?

02:49:05.000 They must have been.

02:49:06.000 Because in California you get...

02:49:08.000 He met, choreographed, blah, blah, blah, when she auditioned to be one of his backup dancers in 1994. They married in 96. They had three children before their divorce in 2009. Since then, he has gone on a dick-slinging rampage of epic proportion.

02:49:23.000 The singer explained the grounds of their divorce in his 2012 autobiography, Sola Coaster, The Diary of Me.

02:49:33.000 Why don't we have that book?

02:49:36.000 The diary.

02:49:37.000 Why did you say my diary?

02:49:39.000 No, no.

02:49:40.000 Not the diary of me, you egomaniac.

02:49:44.000 It's been a solar coaster.

02:49:46.000 It's been a solar coaster.

02:49:48.000 I'm uncomfortable.

02:49:50.000 But I'm here now.

02:49:51.000 Does he know that you can just say my diary?

02:49:54.000 Solo coaster.

02:49:55.000 Why would he when he looks so awesome?

02:49:56.000 Look at all those microphones pointing at him.

02:49:58.000 What is that book cover?

02:50:00.000 Like he's flying.

02:50:00.000 That looks like the cover of the Rosetta Stone.

02:50:02.000 It looks like maybe the greatest book of all time with 189 consumer reviews and four and a half fucking stars. 0.98

02:50:07.000 That's what I'm seeing. 0.93

02:50:08.000 I'm seeing success.

02:50:10.000 Real talk!

02:50:12.000 Do you know that Matthew McConaughey's mother has a book?

02:50:14.000 It's called I Amaze Myself.

02:50:18.000 Am I being serious?

02:50:21.000 I don't want to pick on anybody's mom.

02:50:22.000 That was the realest I've ever seen you.

02:50:24.000 She talks about...

02:50:25.000 He's paid out millions in out-of-court sexual misconduct settlements.

02:50:28.000 Real talk!

02:50:31.000 It gets funnier every time you do it. 1.00

02:50:33.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:50:34.000 Don't you think I got enough bullshit on my mind? 1.00

02:50:40.000 Real talk! 0.99

02:50:41.000 Hey, I mean, he's finding people that like to live his way.

02:50:44.000 Do you think you could start a cult?

02:50:46.000 You kind of have a cult, actually.

02:50:49.000 I think...

02:50:50.000 Pretty much anybody can start a cult. 0.99

02:50:52.000 I know a shitty comedian that's basically started a cult. 0.99

02:50:56.000 Yeah, I'll write it down. 0.99

02:50:58.000 Okay.

02:50:59.000 It's more common than you would think.

02:51:02.000 I think people have...

02:51:06.000 Yeah.

02:51:07.000 Yeah, that one.

02:51:08.000 Wow.

02:51:09.000 I think there's a lot of people that want to be led.

02:51:13.000 I think there's a lot of people that, like, just how some people are born tall.

02:51:17.000 I mean, I had a joke about this, like, when I was trying to explain to my kids something, and I was like, you know, some people have big ears, and some people have little ears. 1.00

02:51:24.000 Well, some people have brains that are made out of dog shit. 1.00

02:51:27.000 Yeah! 1.00

02:51:28.000 And then you find people that are dumber than them that let them have sex with them. 1.00

02:51:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:51:31.000 And then they make kids and those kids are fucked. 1.00

02:51:33.000 And don't let anybody tell you any different. 1.00

02:51:34.000 What a nightmare.

02:51:35.000 And if you have a really low Watt brain and you run into some charismatic figure that you feel...

02:51:42.000 Didn't we just see this happen in November?

02:51:44.000 Yeah.

02:51:44.000 There's a lot of that.

02:51:45.000 Yeah.

02:51:46.000 I mean, that's a lot of what happened, right?

02:51:48.000 A lot of people who are like, yes!

02:51:50.000 Finally!

02:51:51.000 Finally!

02:51:51.000 You let them know!

02:51:53.000 Yes!

02:51:54.000 This is my president! 1.00

02:51:55.000 You fucking... 1.00

02:51:56.000 It's your president too, you PCC! Real talk! 1.00

02:51:59.000 Real talk.

02:51:59.000 Yeah, you can...

02:52:00.000 There's a lot of monkeys out there. 1.00

02:52:01.000 A lot of really dumb people. 1.00

02:52:02.000 I just want to be told what to do by someone who's confident in Alpha. 1.00

02:52:06.000 It's 100% absolutely evident to almost anybody that I know that's honest that there are people out there that are far smarter than them, right?

02:52:13.000 I have them on my podcast all the time.

02:52:15.000 I talk to astrophysicists and people breaking down the actual fiber of reality, and you try to talk to them and have them explain things to you, and it's like abundantly clear that I'm not nearly as smart as them.

02:52:28.000 But I talk to a lot of people, and you tell, like, somewhere in the conversation, like, this is all you got to work with.

02:52:35.000 Yeah.

02:52:37.000 We've all met people, and it's not even their fault.

02:52:39.000 It's just like, this is what they have to work with.

02:52:41.000 But nobody wants to entertain that idea.

02:52:43.000 We all want to pretend that we're on the same starting line. 0.99

02:52:46.000 But if we're not on the same starting line with dick size, and with height, and with physical strength, and with all the other attributes that people possess, why the fuck would we be on the same with mind power? 0.99

02:52:56.000 It doesn't make any sense. 0.98

02:52:57.000 It's not.

02:52:57.000 It's not real.

02:52:58.000 If all of us had the same mind power, we'd be extinct by now.

02:53:02.000 We've all just destroyed each other.

02:53:04.000 For sure, there's a general sort of range that most of us fall into and you can for sure improve upon that with really good schooling and study and discipline and supportive family and all the good things that we're all aware of. 0.99

02:53:16.000 But there's always going to be these fucking people that are way smarter. 0.98

02:53:20.000 There's going to be these Elon Musks. 0.99

02:53:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:53:22.000 If you talk to them, you realize like, oh, John Carmax.

02:53:26.000 You're going to talk to them and you're going to go, I'm not...

02:53:28.000 We're barely the same thing.

02:53:30.000 We're barely the same thing.

02:53:31.000 Yeah.

02:53:31.000 You're a supercomputer.

02:53:33.000 So if that's the case, if you're going to meet people like that, and I think you have and I know I have, for sure there's people that no matter what you say, you're not going to help them.

02:53:42.000 And if that person, that dumb person, runs into an R. Kelly and he's like, what we're doing right now is communicating with Saturn through love.

02:53:51.000 Saturn. 0.98

02:53:51.000 This is a core Saturn. 0.98

02:53:53.000 See, they don't want you to go there, because if you go there, it would be all about the bliss.

02:53:58.000 One day we're going to get there.

02:53:59.000 We're going to get there through Earth.

02:54:00.000 We're going to get there through my bedroom. 1.00

02:54:02.000 And he's going to fuck you to the center of Saturn. 0.99

02:54:05.000 Yeah, or he's just like, I have $150 million. 0.99

02:54:08.000 Yeah, like when he's banging you, just sort of like when Kinnison was yelling about Jesus, and you sort of want to believe, and you feel it in your body.

02:54:14.000 Or he's like, I'll feed you dinner if you come to my house.

02:54:17.000 I mean, I think it's really susceptible, vulnerable people.

02:54:21.000 It's like who Scientology prays on.

02:54:23.000 How about the comet people that killed themselves because they thought there was a UFO behind the comet, right?

02:54:28.000 Those are real people.

02:54:29.000 Didn't you know how many people killed themselves during the eclipse?

02:54:31.000 Ooh, I hope so.

02:54:32.000 I think there was a bunch of people.

02:54:33.000 I mean, that's just like the new Darwinism.

02:54:34.000 It's like the people who acquiesce to cults.

02:54:36.000 It's like, that's just modern day Darwinism.

02:54:37.000 I hope it's not your kids. 1.00

02:54:39.000 But, you know, I hope all their parents are dead already. 0.99

02:54:43.000 I mean, look, if someone kills themselves during the eclipse, they were going to go somehow. 0.99

02:54:48.000 Yeah.

02:54:49.000 By walking into a wall or falling off of a building or something.

02:54:52.000 Yeah, it's not a good choice.

02:54:53.000 Right?

02:54:53.000 Not ideal.

02:54:54.000 It's not the way to go.

02:54:56.000 But I think for sure, like, those people are always going to exist, right?

02:55:00.000 Those people like the Heaven's Gate cult or...

02:55:02.000 Who have so little to lose and need to believe something that exists bigger than themselves.

02:55:06.000 Or they need a lie.

02:55:07.000 Their brain doesn't work that good, you know?

02:55:09.000 There's certain people, no matter what you do, you and I both know that their brain doesn't work.

02:55:20.000 Right?

02:55:20.000 It just doesn't work that good.

02:55:22.000 No matter what you do, you're like, oh, okay.

02:55:27.000 This is...

02:55:28.000 Did I spell it wrong?

02:55:28.000 Yes.

02:55:30.000 You don't even know his name.

02:55:31.000 I don't care.

02:55:33.000 That's how you're just like operating on another level.

02:55:35.000 But there's some people, right?

02:55:36.000 Yeah.

02:55:37.000 Do you know for a fact like they can...

02:55:39.000 There's certain...

02:55:41.000 Especially like open-ended pursuits like stand-up comedy.

02:55:44.000 It attracts those people, right?

02:55:45.000 Yes.

02:55:45.000 You meet those perpetual open micers who are convinced they have phantom laughs.

02:55:49.000 Did you ever know the guy who...

02:55:50.000 Because you like...

02:55:51.000 Windy City Heat?

02:55:52.000 Is that what you were going to say?

02:55:53.000 Oh, no, but that is one of my favorite documentaries on the planet, or whatever it is, movies on the planet.

02:55:59.000 It's heartbreaking, but amazing.

02:56:01.000 It's almost as good as that R. Kelly video you showed me in terms of the emotions it evokes, but did you ever see the guy at the comedy store who wore a dollhouse on his head?

02:56:09.000 No, I missed that guy.

02:56:11.000 I think you missed that.

02:56:11.000 He was on the porch of the comedy store, whatever, the front patio, for like a good year when you were gone.

02:56:18.000 Dollhouse.

02:56:18.000 Giant dollhouse.

02:56:19.000 Well, that's a way to get people to look at you.

02:56:21.000 The Jesus guy? 0.92

02:56:22.000 The Jesus guy's got a weird in, because he's dressed up as Jesus. 0.98

02:56:26.000 Like, if the same guy dressed up as Muhammad, people are like, get the fuck out of here.

02:56:30.000 I mean, what happens when you're that guy who dresses up as Jesus on Sunset? 0.97

02:56:35.000 He's probably listening right now, crying.

02:56:37.000 What does that life look like?

02:56:39.000 What's your life look like, sir?

02:56:40.000 Tweet me.

02:56:41.000 How much money does he have?

02:56:43.000 Google his net worth.

02:56:44.000 Like, you're either a trust fund kid and you're a billionaire.

02:56:47.000 Oh my god!

02:56:48.000 Hey, there he is.

02:56:49.000 It's just probably not the smartest way to live, but the message that he's given when he walks around like that is of one who is a disciple of Jesus.

02:57:01.000 So you see him, he looks like Jesus, he's dressed like Jesus, and you think, eh, guy's probably fine.

02:57:06.000 What if he's Jesus?

02:57:10.000 Right?

02:57:11.000 This isn't really my belief system, but if Jesus were to come back, were we going to go...

02:57:16.000 He would have to show...

02:57:18.000 First of all, it's going to be in Israel. 0.96

02:57:20.000 We'd take pictures and think he was a crazy homeless guy.

02:57:22.000 Those people that are convinced that Jesus, when he returns, is going to return to Israel, so we have to secure the safety of Israel.

02:57:27.000 Those really super evangelical Christians.

02:57:30.000 Speaking of cults.

02:57:31.000 Did a vice piece where all these people go over to Israel.

02:57:33.000 Yeah.

02:57:34.000 All these Southerners, all these Southerners that are real familiar with the Lord's Word.

02:57:38.000 And they go over there and they're literally talking about where Jesus is going to return and he's going to be over here.

02:57:44.000 Sure.

02:57:45.000 He's going to speak up on high.

02:57:47.000 They voted, I think.

02:57:50.000 This is the area that's dictated in the Bible where he will return.

02:57:55.000 What was that crazy thing called where they go over to Israel and they end up taking off all their clothes? 0.63

02:57:59.000 Jerusalem Syndrome.

02:58:00.000 What is that?

02:58:02.000 Jerusalem Syndrome is like...

02:58:03.000 Mark Maron actually wrote a book called Jerusalem Syndrome.

02:58:07.000 Really?

02:58:07.000 Yeah.

02:58:08.000 I didn't know that.

02:58:09.000 But yeah, it's people that, it's a relatively common thing that happens.

02:58:14.000 They go to Israel and they think that they're like a messiah and they freak out.

02:58:20.000 They think that they're hearing the word of God, right?

02:58:22.000 Isn't that, am I reading this wrong?

02:58:24.000 I think I am.

02:58:24.000 Like a lot of people do this?

02:58:26.000 Yeah, like a couple of years.

02:58:28.000 Yeah, and they literally have a name for it.

02:58:30.000 It's making me feel so sane.

02:58:32.000 Here we go.

02:58:33.000 What does it say here, Jimmy?

02:58:35.000 It says a group of mental phenomena involving the presence of either religiosity-themed obsessive ideas, delusions, or other psychosis-like experiences that are triggered by a visit to the city of Jerusalem.

02:58:52.000 Yeah.

02:58:55.000 Wow.

02:58:56.000 It's not endemic to a single religion or denomination.

02:58:58.000 It has affected Jews, Christians, and Muslims of many different backgrounds.

02:59:04.000 But when they go to Jerusalem, that's what's really crazy. 1.00

02:59:07.000 Jerusalem squabble poison.

02:59:09.000 Imagine if Jerusalem really is a holy place.

02:59:12.000 I mean, that's the thing.

02:59:13.000 These people all go there.

02:59:13.000 What if?

02:59:15.000 Only some people can hear the calling.

02:59:16.000 What if we're wrong?

02:59:17.000 We could be wrong.

02:59:18.000 We're arrogant.

02:59:19.000 I feel like they said that most of them were southerners from the US. Of course, they're the dumbest people. 1.00

02:59:25.000 Do you know about the hookworm epidemic in the South? 1.00

02:59:32.000 Yes.

02:59:33.000 And that's part of the reason that they were slow, is because people in the South all had hookworm.

02:59:37.000 Well, explain that.

02:59:38.000 This is recent.

02:59:38.000 Will you look this up, please?

02:59:39.000 I listened to, I think it was on How Stuff Works or something, how, because of the heat and the way the South is so humid, that hookworm was so prevalent.

02:59:48.000 They were finding hookworm in all of their feces, and it eats away your brain.

02:59:52.000 And something like 70% of all Southerners had hookworm.

02:59:55.000 Until, like, the 40s.

02:59:57.000 Ooh, Jesus Christ.

02:59:58.000 Yeah.

02:59:58.000 Will you look that up and corroborate that so that I'm not just lying?

03:00:02.000 But so there is a scientific explanation for Southerners being slower.

03:00:05.000 Sorry, Southerners.

03:00:05.000 I love you.

03:00:06.000 Wow.

03:00:07.000 But some of them are super smart, like Jimmy Carter.

03:00:08.000 Well, of course.

03:00:10.000 But, like, this is the...

03:00:11.000 You know.

03:00:12.000 And who was it?

03:00:13.000 Was it Roosevelt who tried to...

03:00:14.000 No, it was... 0.78

03:00:16.000 Southerners weren't lazy, just infected with hookworms. 1.00

03:00:18.000 The story of the postbellum South as told by parasites. 1.00

03:00:23.000 Holy shit. 1.00

03:00:24.000 Yeah, it makes your teeth fall out and it eats away from your brain. 1.00

03:00:27.000 Oh my god.

03:00:27.000 Stereotypes are almost always the conclusion of lazy science.

03:00:31.000 They're just empirical generalizations.

03:00:33.000 That are stripped of their variances and encoded as fact into the collective consciousness of the general population.

03:00:41.000 However, sometimes a stereotype reveals a hidden truth that provides an origin to the myth.

03:00:46.000 The trope of the lazy southerner dates back to America's postbellum period following the end of the Civil War.

03:00:52.000 No one really knows where it came from, but the image of a lethargic, filthy, drawing farmer has pervaded art, literature, and popular culture up until this very moment.

03:01:03.000 So one argument recently published by Rachel Neuer for PBS Nova Text presents some compelling evidence for the theory that a hookworm epidemic was responsible for the rural stereotype. 0.99

03:01:14.000 Holy shit! 0.98

03:01:15.000 The germ of laziness due to the exhaustion and mental fogginess it tends to inflict upon its victims. 0.99

03:01:19.000 Historical evidence shows that the parasite ravaged the American South throughout the early 20th century as a result of poor sanitation and lack of public health programs among the poor. 0.99

03:01:27.000 Holy shit! 0.99

03:01:33.000 Can you imagine? 1.00

03:01:34.000 I'm a joke-tohologist.

03:01:36.000 Charles says, 40% or more, not 60%, I was wrong, of the southern population was infected with hookworms.

03:01:42.000 The parasite thrives in fecal matter and the combination of shoddy waste disposal and the rarity of shoes.

03:01:46.000 Shoes, no shoes, allowed hookworm larvae to enter people's bodies through the webbing between their toes. 1.00

03:01:52.000 How fucked. 0.99

03:01:53.000 Once they penetrate the skin, they travel through their host's lungs and into their intestines where they survive on a diet of blood they suck out from the intestinal wall. 0.99

03:02:00.000 A female hookworm can lay up to 10,000 eggs in a single day, which gives you an idea of how rampant a localized infestation can become in a very short time.

03:02:08.000 The laziness that is synonymous with hookworm infections is a synonym of iron deficiency anemia due to blood loss. 0.99

03:02:15.000 Holy shit. 0.99

03:02:16.000 They're getting bled out by worms. 1.00

03:02:18.000 Yes, 40% of people were anemic and had blood loss.

03:02:21.000 The poor malnourished victims, the parasite can cause stunted growth.

03:02:24.000 That's right.

03:02:25.000 Children with hookworms were plagued with attention deficit disorders, lower IQ, and the infected often had strange food cravings for dirt, clay, paper, and chalk.

03:02:34.000 How nuts is that?

03:02:35.000 Southern states were the nexus of hookworm-friendly climate as the parasite loved the sandy soil that makes the region so fertile.

03:02:41.000 In 1910, 7.5 million Southerners had hookworms.

03:02:44.000 Oh my God.

03:02:45.000 How nuts is that?

03:02:46.000 That's insane.

03:02:47.000 Insane.

03:02:48.000 40%.

03:02:48.000 Yes, Rockefeller is who donated money to try to combat it.

03:02:51.000 But that's the Illuminati.

03:02:53.000 Isn't he like a...

03:02:55.000 Maybe this is all scam. 0.93

03:02:56.000 It would take 50 years for the worm to be eradicated from the South.

03:03:01.000 1960 it was eradicated.

03:03:02.000 Oh my god.

03:03:04.000 Because of the sanitation issues.

03:03:06.000 Look at that.

03:03:06.000 Almost entirely freed from hookworms by 1985. Yeah.

03:03:10.000 That was 20 years ago!

03:03:13.000 That's so recently.

03:03:14.000 It's completely insane.

03:03:16.000 Yeah, isn't it?

03:03:16.000 Well, then add that to the fact that half the people in the country have toxoplasmosis.

03:03:21.000 What's that?

03:03:21.000 That's from cat parasites.

03:03:23.000 What?

03:03:23.000 You want to know about that?

03:03:24.000 No!

03:03:24.000 This is a crazy one.

03:03:25.000 Do I have that?

03:03:26.000 Most people.

03:03:27.000 If you're around, for real, if you're around like farm animals, if you're around cats- Comedians? 0.65

03:03:33.000 Comedians are all feral. 0.63

03:03:34.000 If you're around any sort of feral cats- It's a parasite that it only can sexually reproduce inside a cat's gut. 0.96

03:03:43.000 So check this out.

03:03:45.000 These rats get it and it rewires the rats to make them sexually attracted to the smell of cat urine.

03:03:52.000 What?

03:03:53.000 And it erodes their fear of cats.

03:03:56.000 So these rats literally get enlarged in some of them. 0.96

03:03:59.000 Their balls swell up and their dicks get hard and they go to find the rats. 0.90

03:04:04.000 And so, or they go to find the cats, rather. 0.99

03:04:06.000 When they go to find the cats, they get killed. 0.97

03:04:07.000 The bacteria gets inside the cat and doesn't seem to have any effect on the cat, but then the cat shit has an effect on women in particular, where they tell women, like, see how that rat is, like... 0.99

03:04:19.000 Not scared. 0.98

03:04:20.000 Not scared at all of the cat. 0.99

03:04:21.000 And sometimes they chase cats and, like, jump at them and shit. 0.99

03:04:24.000 It's nuts. 1.00

03:04:24.000 See, look. 1.00

03:04:25.000 So that cat is gonna kill the rat, though.

03:04:28.000 Maybe, but the rat's not afraid.

03:04:31.000 It's running and then stopping. 0.99

03:04:33.000 It knows it's being chased, but it's not like, I have to get the fuck out of here.

03:04:37.000 But the bacteria eradicates its fear, so it's...

03:04:39.000 It's not just its fear.

03:04:40.000 It literally makes them sometimes sexually attracted to the smell of cat urine.

03:04:44.000 So then this parasite, this toxoplasmosis, gets inside the cat's gut. 0.91

03:04:49.000 The cats shit it out.

03:04:51.000 And that's why they tell pregnant women to never touch litter boxes. 1.00

03:04:54.000 It's extremely important.

03:04:56.000 Whoa! 0.71

03:04:56.000 Because it can be deadly to children and cause all sorts of birth defects. 0.71

03:05:00.000 But a crazy amount of people have it.

03:05:02.000 Like maybe as many as 50% of some countries that people have it.

03:05:06.000 I think 50 million people in America have it.

03:05:10.000 I think that was the latest number.

03:05:11.000 See if that's the case.

03:05:12.000 What is the repercussion?

03:05:14.000 How does it manifest itself?

03:05:16.000 Well, it makes men reckless.

03:05:17.000 We had this guy, Dr. Robert Sapolsky, on the podcast.

03:05:20.000 Yes, and Robert Sapolsky is a fascinating scientist and researcher, and he spent a tremendous amount of time studying toxoplasmosis.

03:05:29.000 And one of the things that he talked about, how they found a disproportionate number of motorcycle accidents.

03:05:36.000 Right.

03:05:36.000 Whoa!

03:05:37.000 Where the person who died had toxo.

03:05:40.000 So they would do these tests.

03:05:42.000 One of these doctors told them when we would get a guy who died from motorcycle crash, we'd test him for toxo and it was a disproportionate number.

03:05:48.000 And they think toxo is making people reckless.

03:05:50.000 And there's also a connection in some strange way to soccer teams that are successful.

03:05:56.000 They find a disproportionate number of soccer teams that are successful.

03:06:00.000 The players test positive for toxin.

03:06:02.000 Because they're reckless in some way, or they're fearless.

03:06:04.000 Yeah, and it may in fact even raise testosterone in some males.

03:06:08.000 Can you cure it?

03:06:09.000 No, no, no, it can't be cured.

03:06:12.000 But you can test yourself for it.

03:06:13.000 Yeah, it's a part of you. 0.99

03:06:15.000 Yeah, literally, it's a brain parasite. 1.00

03:06:17.000 That's fucking insane. 0.99

03:06:17.000 Why isn't this on the front of every magazine? 0.99

03:06:20.000 Well, people like Sapolsky have only been studying and only been aware of it for the last couple of decades.

03:06:26.000 And, you know, as people have grown up and talked about all the various factors for why people behave the way they behave, this is just recently coming into the realm of understanding.

03:06:33.000 It's not a real, like, well-established fact for many, many, many years.

03:06:38.000 But Sapolsky's... 0.91

03:06:40.000 Done a lot of incredible work on it, and you can, you know, read his lecture, or listen to his lectures, rather, or read them, in fact, and some of the shit that he tells you about it. 0.96

03:06:46.000 I mean, do we have it? 0.97

03:06:47.000 We have it, probably.

03:06:49.000 I probably have it.

03:06:50.000 Yeah, I've had a lot of feral cats.

03:06:52.000 I've had a lot of wild cats.

03:06:53.000 Really?

03:06:54.000 Yeah, I'd lived with a wild cat for like seven years, and I had a couple of when I was growing up that were wild. 0.92

03:06:59.000 They were always living outside, you know, and who knows what the fuck they were getting outside.

03:07:03.000 When I was a kid, my cats were always outside. 0.96

03:07:05.000 You know, my cat used to bring home squirrels.

03:07:07.000 I used to see him walk across the street with a squirrel.

03:07:09.000 He killed a squirrel.

03:07:11.000 He had it in his mouth.

03:07:11.000 And the squirrel was almost his size.

03:07:13.000 And he's literally walking across the street with a squirrel's body in between his legs.

03:07:17.000 He's dragging the squirrel across the street to show me that he killed the squirrel.

03:07:21.000 So he was probably out there killing rats and all kinds of things.

03:07:23.000 Are rats smart?

03:07:26.000 There's a great documentary on Netflix about rats called Rats.

03:07:30.000 What does it say here?

03:07:31.000 Morbid attraction to leopard urine in toxoplasma-infested chimpanzees.

03:07:36.000 Yeah.

03:07:36.000 See, the chimpanzees that are infected by toxo...

03:07:41.000 Fuck with leopards. 1.00

03:07:42.000 They fuck with leopards so they can get killed because the toxo wants to grow inside the cat's gut. 1.00

03:07:47.000 What? 1.00

03:07:48.000 That's science fiction.

03:07:49.000 That is Tales from the Crypt.

03:07:51.000 It is. 0.56

03:07:52.000 It's where it sexually reproduces. 1.00

03:07:54.000 Inside the gut of cats.

03:07:55.000 It's the only way it's viable.

03:07:56.000 So they stop being afraid so they can...

03:07:58.000 Basically, they commit suicide.

03:08:00.000 Not just stop being afraid.

03:08:01.000 They're attracted to it.

03:08:03.000 It's drawn to them like their destiny.

03:08:04.000 So it could be the same reason that reckless people are attracted to danger.

03:08:07.000 Yeah, like go to the light. 0.99

03:08:09.000 That's fucking mind-blowing. 1.00

03:08:12.000 Yeah, the parasites have some sort of innate intelligence. 1.00

03:08:15.000 Could that explain people who are just have a higher tolerance for danger and attraction to danger?

03:08:20.000 Yeah, it's probably possible.

03:08:21.000 Or addicts or something?

03:08:22.000 Addiction?

03:08:23.000 For sure.

03:08:23.000 There's gotta be some kind of relationship.

03:08:25.000 We know so little. 1.00

03:08:26.000 Like, when we learn shit, when we learn shit now... 0.99

03:08:30.000 It's like I remember I get really bad migraines and I was in Cedars getting morphine. 0.99

03:08:34.000 Dude, when was this?

03:08:35.000 Oh, I get gnarly migraines.

03:08:37.000 Whoa, you go to Cedars and they shoot you up with morphine?

03:08:39.000 All I have to say is I had a headache?

03:08:40.000 Yes, which by the way, I was on the watch list because drug addicts go in there and they say, I have a migraine, help me.

03:08:46.000 So I was on a list, they were like, don't give it to her.

03:08:48.000 And they were like, it's this whole thing if you go in too frequently.

03:08:52.000 And I used to get really gnarly migraines and now I have a whole system.

03:08:56.000 You need a Michael Jackson doctor.

03:08:58.000 I do.

03:08:59.000 Is he available?

03:09:00.000 I feel like he's on Craigslist.

03:09:02.000 Oh.

03:09:02.000 That guy's in jail.

03:09:03.000 Oh, is he?

03:09:04.000 Killed Michael Jackson. 0.97

03:09:04.000 You can't just kill the King of Pop. 0.97

03:09:06.000 No, you can't get away with that.

03:09:07.000 Is he in jail for life?

03:09:09.000 I don't think so.

03:09:09.000 Or is he in R. Kelly's cult now?

03:09:11.000 I think he's in jail for a wee bit, though.

03:09:13.000 Like a hot minute.

03:09:14.000 He's in jail for a spell. 1.00

03:09:15.000 I've had that shit. 1.00

03:09:15.000 Is it propofol or what was it? 1.00

03:09:17.000 Was it propofol?

03:09:18.000 Oh, yeah.

03:09:18.000 When I froze my eggs, they gave me that and I was like, I got it.

03:09:22.000 What?

03:09:22.000 He got out on parole?

03:09:23.000 Yeah, in 2013. He's not allowed to practice, though.

03:09:25.000 Sure, he's talking to me tonight.

03:09:26.000 He's got a podcast.

03:09:27.000 He's going to put me under. 0.97

03:09:28.000 I'm tired of sleeping shitty. 0.77

03:09:29.000 But I remember asking him. 0.90

03:09:33.000 At least Michael Jackson died doing what he loved.

03:09:36.000 Sleeping?

03:09:37.000 I was sleeping.

03:09:39.000 One time I was just like, what causes migraines?

03:09:42.000 They're like, we don't know.

03:09:44.000 And I was like, what do you mean you don't know?

03:09:46.000 And they're like, there's just a lot we don't know about neurology.

03:09:48.000 I'm like, what are you talking...

03:09:49.000 And then I remember another doctor was like, yeah, that's why we call it a practice.

03:09:53.000 We're doing the best we can with what we know.

03:09:56.000 So how often do you have to space it out?

03:09:58.000 Like, how often can you go in there and whack yourself to the moon?

03:10:01.000 I haven't had to do that for like a couple years.

03:10:03.000 But when you go in, they're like, I don't know.

03:10:05.000 They're like, I think now it's a little bit better.

03:10:07.000 I don't go back to Cedars because they were shitty about my ear surgery.

03:10:12.000 Reattached your ear? 0.90

03:10:12.000 They reattached my ear. 0.90

03:10:14.000 It just did not go particularly well.

03:10:16.000 The doctor was very dismissive to me.

03:10:19.000 So funny.

03:10:20.000 Is this an only in L.A. thing?

03:10:21.000 They were like, you're going to need a plastic surgeon.

03:10:23.000 Do you have one that you prefer?

03:10:24.000 Oh, God.

03:10:25.000 I was like, first of all, thank you. 1.00

03:10:27.000 Second of all, what the fuck? 0.99

03:10:29.000 Like, I just have a plastic surgeon. 1.00

03:10:30.000 Is that only an L.A. question?

03:10:32.000 No.

03:10:32.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

03:10:33.000 Have you ever had to get plastic surgery on an injury?

03:10:36.000 No.

03:10:37.000 Oh, really?

03:10:37.000 Have you?

03:10:38.000 No.

03:10:38.000 No?

03:10:39.000 You have to get a plastic surgeon if your ear comes off.

03:10:41.000 I know dudes who have had their ears fixed where they had the cauliflower removed.

03:10:45.000 Oh, that's hard to do though, right?

03:10:47.000 Because it's got nerve endings in it.

03:10:48.000 Well, it's real tricky.

03:10:49.000 They have to fillet your ear.

03:10:51.000 Oh, I'm aware.

03:10:52.000 They peel it back and they have to pull the calcium deposits out of the hard parts of your ear.

03:10:58.000 I had that on my nose.

03:11:00.000 Really?

03:11:01.000 Yeah, and a lot of calcium deposits.

03:11:02.000 Your nose looks good.

03:11:03.000 Thank you very much.

03:11:04.000 I mean, I would assume it'd be a little more... 0.90

03:11:05.000 The inside was pretty fucked up until about 10 years ago. 0.94

03:11:08.000 Do you have a thing in there or no? 0.96

03:11:10.000 No, but when I had a deviated septum operation, they put these plastic stints in there and opened everything nice, and they cut away the turbinates, they cut away all this tissue.

03:11:19.000 They showed me all the tissue that was removed from my nose. 0.96

03:11:23.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99

03:11:24.000 Scar tissue? 0.99

03:11:25.000 It was like, yeah, a lot of scar tissue and a lot of...

03:11:28.000 When you get blood clots, like the same stuff that happens with cauliflower ear, what that is is...

03:11:36.000 There's blood leaking in between the tissue cells, and then it stays in there, pools up, and then it calcifies.

03:11:41.000 And when it calcifies, it literally becomes like a rock.

03:11:45.000 And you can get that stuff in your nose, too.

03:11:47.000 In some guys, you get calcification in there, and it hardens up, and you also get a lot of scar tissue, and it closes up the nose windhole.

03:11:59.000 You can't breathe out of your nose.

03:12:00.000 It happens to a lot of guys.

03:12:02.000 A lot of people that do fighting, they talk, like, you'll hear them, they almost have, like, a couple days away of talking.

03:12:08.000 And that's why, it's because they can't breathe out of their nose.

03:12:10.000 Super, super common.

03:12:12.000 But they can't, did you, but you haven't done your ear, you only did your ears.

03:12:15.000 No, I never had it in my ears.

03:12:16.000 So I got a little, I got little pieces in my ears.

03:12:18.000 Yeah.

03:12:18.000 But I always wore ear guards.

03:12:20.000 Oh, that's smart.

03:12:21.000 This is important. 1.00

03:12:22.000 This helps you hear shit. 0.99

03:12:23.000 Like, all the stuff, the design of the ear. 1.00

03:12:26.000 Everything on your face is fucking important. 0.97

03:12:28.000 Design of the ear, though, particularly so. 0.99

03:12:30.000 Like, just take your ears.

03:12:31.000 This is what I tell people.

03:12:32.000 Take your ear, and then talk like this, and then fold your ears over like that and keep talking.

03:12:37.000 La la [... 1.00

03:13:10.000 was a fucking nightmare. 1.00

03:13:12.000 Real talk. 1.00

03:13:13.000 Real as the fuck. 1.00

03:13:15.000 And he was doing it, and he wasn't listening to me. 0.99

03:13:19.000 You know, surgeons can be kind of dismissive anyway, because they're like, God.

03:13:22.000 They think they're God.

03:13:23.000 And I was like, sir, can you please just give me a heads up of when you're going to do that?

03:13:26.000 Just would do it without telling me, and I was just freaking out.

03:13:29.000 And I was not being heard, which was actually...

03:13:32.000 It's triggering me emotionally.

03:13:34.000 Like, I can deal with physical pain.

03:13:35.000 I was getting triggered.

03:13:36.000 I was like, you know, I'm being heard.

03:13:39.000 He's, like, totally ignoring me, just, like, doing it.

03:13:40.000 I mean, punching holes into my body, like, without, I was like, can I get, like, an on three or after three?

03:13:45.000 And then the next day my friend called to be like, hey, when can Whitney come get her stitches out? 0.99

03:13:48.000 And the nurse was like, oh, the surgeon can't talk on the phone. 1.00

03:13:51.000 He's deaf. 0.90

03:13:52.000 I got a deaf surgeon and they just didn't even tell me.

03:13:54.000 Oh, Jesus!

03:13:55.000 I feel like you need to give someone a heads up on that. 0.99

03:13:56.000 You should definitely give a head- How the fuck is he gonna know if you're in agony? 0.99

03:13:59.000 I had no idea! 1.00

03:13:59.000 That's hilarious! 1.00

03:14:00.000 I was screaming at him like, sir, can you please give me a heads up?

03:14:03.000 And he just was deaf.

03:14:03.000 I know a dude who got cauliflower ear and then somehow or another got a staph infection inside of his ear and it was so bad they had to remove his ear and they had to solder it because the infection was so prevalent he was constantly leaking fluid out of his ear.

03:14:17.000 What's solder mean?

03:14:18.000 They had a fucking, like, you know what they do in the Wild West movies when a guy gets shot? 0.99

03:14:22.000 They slap iron to it. 1.00

03:14:24.000 Oh, God.

03:14:25.000 Cauterize it.

03:14:26.000 Cauterize.

03:14:27.000 Yeah, they cauterize the inside.

03:14:28.000 I call it solder.

03:14:29.000 I'm being dramatic.

03:14:29.000 I don't know if I know.

03:14:30.000 They do that with, like, cleft palate. 1.00

03:14:32.000 They cauterize the inside. 1.00

03:14:33.000 They cauterize his fucking ear. 1.00

03:14:34.000 The smell of cauterizing skin is not a... 1.00

03:14:39.000 And it didn't work, and they had to do it again.

03:14:41.000 Cartilage is tricky.

03:14:42.000 They had to go in there more than once and clean it out, shoot antibiotics in there.

03:14:46.000 Because you can't fight with it or wrestle with it because it'll keep popping.

03:14:49.000 Well, he had a staph infection inside of his ear.

03:14:53.000 That's not good.

03:14:53.000 Which is, yeah, super bad.

03:14:55.000 Have you tried these headphones?

03:14:57.000 Bone conduction headphones, good enough yet.

03:15:00.000 I don't know.

03:15:00.000 What is that?

03:15:01.000 No, I haven't.

03:15:02.000 You're talking about the sound made me think of that.

03:15:04.000 They're headphones.

03:15:05.000 You put them on like headphones, but they don't go in your ear.

03:15:08.000 They go on your ear.

03:15:11.000 They vibrate in your jaw.

03:15:14.000 The sound literally is vibrant.

03:15:16.000 There's no sound coming out of them.

03:15:17.000 It's vibrations, which is what sound is.

03:15:19.000 And it vibrates into your head, not through your ear. 1.00

03:15:22.000 Where did you learn all this shit? 1.00

03:15:23.000 I went to sound audio engineering school. 1.00

03:15:25.000 He's very smart.

03:15:27.000 Have you heard them?

03:15:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:15:29.000 At the CES I went to a couple months ago, I tested them out there, but they're coming out again.

03:15:33.000 There's a video going around where people are getting amazed by how...

03:15:36.000 What it sounds like when you're putting something weird.

03:15:38.000 It's a very weird feeling because it's literally vibrating really small pulses on your skin.

03:15:44.000 Have you ever done a sound bath before?

03:15:46.000 What?

03:15:47.000 You've never done a sound bath?

03:15:48.000 What? 1.00

03:15:49.000 You would fucking love it. 0.99

03:15:50.000 What do you do? 0.99

03:15:51.000 Smoke some weed, go do a sound bath.

03:15:53.000 There's one in Pasadena.

03:15:54.000 I just did one in Joshua Tree.

03:15:56.000 It's like, you'll probably be better.

03:15:59.000 It's this guy that does bowls, but it vibrates your entire body with sound.

03:16:03.000 Whoa.

03:16:04.000 And it's like this hypnotic...

03:16:05.000 I mean, I got paralyzed.

03:16:07.000 I couldn't move my body.

03:16:08.000 It's so...

03:16:08.000 Oh, wow.

03:16:09.000 I've seen this place.

03:16:10.000 It's the way that they dome it and the way that the sound travels renders you paralyzed.

03:16:15.000 It's like this insane out-of-body experience.

03:16:18.000 There's one of these places that's really famous that's in Palm Springs, right?

03:16:21.000 Isn't it out in the desert or something?

03:16:23.000 No, no.

03:16:23.000 See that white one?

03:16:23.000 That's the one I went to.

03:16:24.000 That's in Joshua Tree.

03:16:25.000 Oh, Joshua Tree.

03:16:26.000 There's something about Joshua Tree.

03:16:27.000 They say it has the most conductive sound or there's something about the electricity in the earth that makes it particularly powerful.

03:16:34.000 That's the one that I went to.

03:16:35.000 Whoa.

03:16:36.000 And it was good?

03:16:37.000 How high?

03:16:38.000 How high were you?

03:16:39.000 On a scale of one to Snoop Dogg.

03:16:41.000 I was R. Kelly.

03:16:42.000 Wow.

03:16:43.000 I was like a six out of ten in Highness.

03:16:46.000 I saw a concert there.

03:16:48.000 You saw a concert inside there?

03:16:49.000 This one, actually, that I'm wearing a shirt of.

03:16:50.000 Oh! 0.99

03:16:51.000 Jesus Christ, what kind of fucking... 1.00

03:16:53.000 Oh, really? 1.00

03:16:55.000 He performed there?

03:16:56.000 They had a screen up, and they projected 3D images on the screen, and you couldn't take your cellphones in, so it's really hard to find anything about this.

03:17:03.000 But, yeah, it was a really cool experience.

03:17:05.000 Was the sound insane?

03:17:06.000 It was weird, because it was different.

03:17:09.000 They had to spend some time figuring it out, so it sounded good in there to enjoy it as a concert.

03:17:13.000 Also, if you stand in the middle of the room, you hear waves.

03:17:18.000 Wow.

03:17:18.000 Just because of the way that there's a hole in the ceiling, and you just hear this...

03:17:22.000 It's oddly numbing, and your skin starts tingling, and you just go into this hypnotic state.

03:17:28.000 Wow.

03:17:28.000 I came out of it, and I was like, I had no idea if I was here for six hours or ten minutes.

03:17:31.000 It was wild.

03:17:32.000 You have no concept of time.

03:17:34.000 Wow.

03:17:34.000 It was pretty awesome.

03:17:35.000 So it's doing something to you.

03:17:37.000 It's doing something.

03:17:38.000 What's the one in Pasadena?

03:17:39.000 That's the one I want to try.

03:17:43.000 But I'm super into it.

03:17:44.000 Super into it.

03:17:45.000 And I'm not a lay on the ground with strangers type of person.

03:17:48.000 So those are the bowls that he rubs.

03:17:51.000 Sound bath center.

03:17:53.000 What's the science of it, though?

03:17:54.000 Oh, there's one in Eagle Rock.

03:17:56.000 Science is the same science that makes crystals.

03:17:59.000 Really?

03:18:00.000 Dirty feet.

03:18:00.000 See, I don't do...

03:18:01.000 I'm not a crystal.

03:18:02.000 Are you on the crystal tip?

03:18:03.000 Are you into crystals?

03:18:04.000 No.

03:18:05.000 Crystals happening?

03:18:05.000 That's like a light...

03:18:05.000 I have these salt lamps, but they just look cool.

03:18:08.000 Oh, you don't do this because it's like...

03:18:10.000 No, I don't think they do anything.

03:18:11.000 That one doesn't even have a light bulb anymore.

03:18:12.000 Yeah, I know.

03:18:12.000 I have some of these in my house.

03:18:13.000 But that one over there is lit.

03:18:14.000 They say it does something to the room.

03:18:16.000 I have these in my house, and I don't even know why.

03:18:17.000 I do have those lights that are sunlight, replicate sunlight and make serotonin happy lights.

03:18:21.000 Yeah, I have those in my house.

03:18:23.000 I always wonder if maybe some of the positive energy in this room is because of that salt lamp.

03:18:27.000 Yeah, you have a very good vibe in here.

03:18:28.000 I'm worried about you getting a new studio.

03:18:30.000 I like this energy.

03:18:32.000 But you're replicating this size.

03:18:35.000 Almost exactly the same.

03:18:36.000 That's awesome.

03:18:36.000 Almost exactly the same.

03:18:38.000 TV's a little bigger.

03:18:39.000 I like that.

03:18:40.000 But the same desk.

03:18:41.000 This desk has life.

03:18:42.000 I like how intimate it is in here.

03:18:47.000 Alright, Whitney, we've done too much.

03:18:49.000 I know, it's been a minute.

03:18:50.000 We've talked for three and a half hours.

03:18:52.000 I know, we always do this.

03:18:53.000 Crazy.

03:18:54.000 But your book is out. 0.54

03:18:55.000 Tell everybody about your book.

03:18:56.000 Oh, I wrote a book.

03:18:57.000 Buy it. 1.00

03:18:57.000 Go buy that book, bitch. 1.00

03:18:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:18:59.000 Alright.

03:19:00.000 Thank you.

03:19:00.000 Bye.

03:19:03.000 I feel like we always like catch up.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 27, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #1016 - Whitney Cummings

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Summary

Transcript