The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1090 - Andrew Santino

00:00:01.000 That was, you looked at that and went, this is the move.

00:00:04.000 Point break.

00:00:06.000 Cupcake shirt.

00:00:07.000 Point bake.

00:00:08.000 Point break.

00:00:08.000 We working?

00:00:09.000 Yeah.

00:00:09.000 Is it working?

00:00:10.000 Yeah.

00:00:11.000 What's up?

00:00:11.000 Are we live?

00:00:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:00:16.000 I was like, what's he doing?

00:00:17.000 You're like, yep, yep.

00:00:19.000 We're there.

00:00:20.000 We're there.

00:00:20.000 I wish we could start this show off with flavor in your ear.

00:00:23.000 When we get kicked off of YouTube, Craig Mack died.

00:00:25.000 Yeah, that's just a shout-out.

00:00:27.000 I know.

00:00:28.000 I feel like we should be able to, just as a shout-out.

00:00:31.000 I'm kicking new flavor in your ear. 0.99

00:00:34.000 It was a great fucking song, man. 1.00

00:00:35.000 Man, it was such a good song. 1.00

00:00:36.000 Dude, it was only 46. What was that?

00:00:38.000 I didn't even see what he died of.

00:00:38.000 Heart attack.

00:00:39.000 Was it?

00:00:40.000 Yeah, heart failure.

00:00:41.000 46. Fuck, man. 1.00

00:00:44.000 We start off the show with major bummer. 1.00

00:00:45.000 Deaths.

00:00:46.000 Yeah, we would get pulled by YouTube, right?

00:00:47.000 If we did that, we played it?

00:00:49.000 For sure.

00:00:50.000 I'm sure.

00:00:51.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:00:51.000 We won't play it.

00:00:52.000 We won't play it.

00:00:53.000 Let's just...

00:00:54.000 Shout out to Craig Mack.

00:00:55.000 You know what you could do?

00:00:56.000 You could play, like, someone else who did their version of it.

00:00:59.000 Yeah, but even then you'd probably get...

00:01:00.000 There he is.

00:01:01.000 Yeah.

00:01:02.000 Oh, Biggie's in it?

00:01:05.000 No, this is the...

00:01:07.000 Yeah, no, no.

00:01:08.000 With Notorious, LL, and Busa Bus. 0.99

00:01:11.000 No shit. 0.98

00:01:14.000 Yeah, don't put that up on YouTube. 0.99

00:01:16.000 Has it already been up?

00:01:19.000 Okay, good.

00:01:23.000 Everybody's dying.

00:01:24.000 46. Everyone's dead.

00:01:25.000 46 is so young to have a fucking heart attack. 1.00

00:01:28.000 Heart stuff. 1.00

00:01:29.000 Yeah.

00:01:29.000 That's everybody.

00:01:30.000 I guess I should have just guessed. 1.00

00:01:32.000 Heart shit. 1.00

00:01:32.000 Well, especially in this day and age, the way people eat, it's terrible. 1.00

00:01:38.000 But he wasn't, was he that heavy of a dude?

00:01:39.000 I don't think you have to be that heavy of a dude to have clogged arteries.

00:01:42.000 But then there's super, super heavy dudes that just, nothing phases them.

00:01:46.000 Yeah.

00:01:46.000 There's some guys that just keep on trucking.

00:01:49.000 In Chicago, where I'm from, that's everybody I know.

00:01:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:01:51.000 Nobody.

00:01:52.000 Skinny is offensive.

00:01:53.000 Well, not only that. 0.99

00:01:54.000 It gets zero degrees all day long for fucking four months. 0.99

00:01:58.000 Yeah, you need the padding. 0.99

00:01:59.000 You need something.

00:02:00.000 You need somewhere to hide all that sadness. 1.00

00:02:03.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:02:03.000 Shove it underneath all that fat. 1.00

00:02:05.000 The sky is gray.

00:02:06.000 You hear bullets from the south side. 0.99

00:02:07.000 When I got in a little bit of shape and I went back to Chicago, I caught so much shit from everybody. 0.99

00:02:13.000 Mr. Hollywood. 0.99

00:02:15.000 Look at you, looking lean.

00:02:16.000 Eating well. 1.00

00:02:17.000 What, eating avocados and shit? 1.00

00:02:18.000 Caring about your future. 0.99

00:02:19.000 What does it say, Jamie?

00:02:21.000 46. No Cause of Death was immediately released.

00:02:24.000 He had been ill for a while.

00:02:25.000 See, that's what I saw.

00:02:26.000 I saw they didn't figure it out yet.

00:02:27.000 Oh, I saw something on...

00:02:28.000 Yeah, see, that's the problem when someone dies.

00:02:30.000 You get a bunch of different versions of the story.

00:02:33.000 I went down an internet rabbit hole last night, man.

00:02:35.000 It was a very disturbing one.

00:02:37.000 Do you know anything about what's going on in Boyle Heights?

00:02:39.000 No.

00:02:40.000 Boyle Heights is...

00:02:41.000 East L.A., right?

00:02:41.000 Yeah, it's East L.A., and apparently the hipsters are starting to open up artisanal coffee shops and art galleries there, and they're not having it.

00:02:54.000 So the neighborhood's pushing back.

00:02:56.000 It's more than that.

00:02:58.000 There's a lot of videos.

00:02:59.000 It's like straight-up racist.

00:03:01.000 It's anti-white racism, which is apparently totally acceptable, even if cameras are blaring in your face. 0.83

00:03:06.000 Will Boyle Heights be ruined by one coffee shop?

00:03:10.000 It's not just one coffee shop.

00:03:12.000 They forced a gallery under.

00:03:13.000 Is this an older story?

00:03:14.000 This is from June.

00:03:15.000 Yeah.

00:03:16.000 They forced a gallery out just through constant harassment, and they broke the windows of this coffee shop.

00:03:21.000 But what I watched last night that was disturbing was these...

00:03:25.000 Air quote activists standing in front of this gallery. 1.00

00:03:28.000 It's a fucking art gallery. 1.00

00:03:30.000 And they're screaming, get the fuck out! 1.00

00:03:32.000 Get the fuck out of our neighborhood! 1.00

00:03:34.000 Get the fuck out! 1.00

00:03:36.000 We don't want you here! 1.00

00:03:37.000 And the guy was like trying to talk to him like, you know, some hipster guy.

00:03:41.000 He's like, you know, I identify as a feminist.

00:03:43.000 Like one of those guys.

00:03:44.000 I identify as a feminist!

00:03:45.000 You know, one of those guys.

00:03:46.000 I'm on your side, man.

00:03:47.000 He's like, yes, I'm here to support.

00:03:49.000 I'm here to support the community. 0.99

00:03:50.000 We don't fucking want you! 1.00

00:03:52.000 Get the Get the fuck out! 1.00

00:03:53.000 Get the fuck out! 1.00

00:03:54.000 And then they're chanting, get the fuck out! 1.00

00:03:56.000 Get the fuck out! 1.00

00:03:57.000 It's a great chant. 1.00

00:03:58.000 Get the fuck out's a great chant though. 1.00

00:03:59.000 They put up a sign that says, fuck white art. 1.00

00:04:01.000 White! 1.00

00:04:02.000 Fuck white art. 1.00

00:04:04.000 The coffee shop, they broke the windows. 1.00

00:04:05.000 The coffee shop was even more fucked up, because one of the guys is actually Mexican, or at least Latino. 1.00

00:04:10.000 So they fucked up property. 1.00

00:04:11.000 They fucked up property. 0.98

00:04:12.000 Okay, right. 0.80

00:04:12.000 Yeah, and one of the guys who owned the coffee shop, they called it like Weird Coffee or something like that, and they put a sign on it calling it White Coffee, and they broke the window. 0.80

00:04:21.000 But one of the guys who owns it is Latino.

00:04:23.000 I don't know if he's Mexican, but he's definitely Latino.

00:04:25.000 It'd be funny to open up a spot called White Coffee.

00:04:27.000 Yeah, White People Coffee. 0.66

00:04:28.000 White People Coffee, yeah. 0.99

00:04:30.000 Just call it white people problems. 0.94

00:04:32.000 Look, a new generation of anti-gentrification radicals are on the march in Los Angeles and around the city.

00:04:37.000 This is not an accurate way to frame what's happening.

00:04:42.000 No, that's crazy.

00:04:43.000 This is not anti-gentrification radicals.

00:04:45.000 These are rioters.

00:04:47.000 Yeah, they're rioting.

00:04:48.000 These people have fire in their hands. 1.00

00:04:49.000 They're walking on the street and they're yelling a bunch of racist shit and they cover their faces up. 1.00

00:04:54.000 Look, I get what's going on. 1.00

00:04:57.000 They're afraid they're going to lose their neighborhood.

00:04:59.000 They're afraid their neighborhood's going to be pushed out.

00:05:01.000 The dinosaurs felt the same way.

00:05:03.000 So did cavemen. 0.90

00:05:05.000 Everybody feels the same way. 0.98

00:05:06.000 The world is a fucking fluid, moving thing. 0.97

00:05:10.000 You can't just save neighborhoods forever. 0.99

00:05:12.000 It just doesn't work that way.

00:05:13.000 You can't save anything forever.

00:05:14.000 No. 0.99

00:05:15.000 And there's nothing wrong with a goddamn gallery moving into your neighborhood. 1.00

00:05:18.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:05:20.000 Get the fuck out! 0.99

00:05:22.000 I see it when people do this whole thing about Walmarts moving into small towns and they panic. 0.99

00:05:27.000 I get that.

00:05:28.000 I understand it's changing industry. 0.99

00:05:29.000 A dude selling fucking lattes is not going to dynamically shape it. 0.99

00:05:33.000 And if it does, it'll take 15 more years. 0.99

00:05:36.000 Yeah, it'll take 15 more years, but they know it's coming.

00:05:38.000 They know what happens in these neighborhoods.

00:05:40.000 It's like these hipsters move in first. 0.97

00:05:42.000 Because... 0.99

00:05:43.000 LA real estate is so ridiculous. 0.99

00:05:47.000 It's insane. 0.96

00:05:47.000 I was looking at places near where Callan lives. 0.96

00:05:51.000 Callan lives in Santa Monica.

00:05:53.000 He lives above ground?

00:05:55.000 Yes.

00:05:56.000 I know, right?

00:05:57.000 I thought he lived in like the sewer system or something like that.

00:05:59.000 Like one of them ninja turtles.

00:06:01.000 Yeah, I thought he was a turtle.

00:06:02.000 I can't live underneath the sewer system.

00:06:04.000 He lives in a very nice neighborhood.

00:06:06.000 But I was just looking in Santa Monica in general.

00:06:09.000 And a regular house, like a regular house, is two million dollars. 1.00

00:06:13.000 Yeah, a bullshit house. 1.00

00:06:15.000 It's a fucking house house. 1.00

00:06:17.000 Nothing like you bring a gal back home like, hey, what's up? 1.00

00:06:21.000 Look at the view of the city.

00:06:23.000 No, there's none of that, bro.

00:06:24.000 For two million dollars, you get a shack.

00:06:26.000 Two bed, one and a half bath. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Yeah, with fucking old bullshit linoleum. 1.00

00:06:31.000 Shitty sink with the ring, where the fucking water, the dirt has just stayed. 1.00

00:06:36.000 And those old LA, LA loves doing like, in the 60s, they love doing like, or in the 50s maybe, pink, like pink and green bathrooms. 0.99

00:06:44.000 So is like pink tile.

00:06:45.000 Yeah, and they leave that and all that.

00:06:46.000 I was just looking through Art Deco?

00:06:49.000 Is that Art Deco?

00:06:50.000 Yeah, or just bad decision making.

00:06:52.000 You were looking at a place today?

00:06:53.000 Yeah, just before I came here.

00:06:54.000 What are you guys looking at?

00:06:55.000 Just Hollywood Hills on the other side.

00:06:57.000 Hills are nice.

00:06:58.000 Yeah, but it's a nightmare, all that stuff.

00:06:59.000 You think about it, they're like, oh, the drainage.

00:07:01.000 I went to a super rich dude's house.

00:07:02.000 How much is that one?

00:07:04.000 Take a guess.

00:07:05.000 Two million dollars.

00:07:06.000 A little more. 1.00

00:07:07.000 No fucking way! 0.97

00:07:07.000 Not much more, but yeah, 2.2. 0.97

00:07:09.000 Wow!

00:07:09.000 Well, you know why?

00:07:10.000 Because it's a duplex.

00:07:10.000 They split it.

00:07:11.000 Those are two apartments they rent, right?

00:07:13.000 I guess.

00:07:13.000 Is that what it is?

00:07:14.000 Yeah, that's two.

00:07:14.000 On one side is a door.

00:07:16.000 Oh, the right and left are doors?

00:07:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:18.000 So what LA does is they take these old buildings, split them like that, so then they can make twice the money.

00:07:22.000 The property can't be worth that much.

00:07:25.000 It's just the fact that they can rent it to two people.

00:07:27.000 That's a lot of money, man.

00:07:28.000 Oh my god, that little tiny-ass house is 1.5 million.

00:07:32.000 1.5. 0.81

00:07:32.000 How big is it? 0.81

00:07:33.000 A thousand square feet!

00:07:35.000 A thousand square feet, 1.5 million dollars.

00:07:37.000 That's the size of this studio right here.

00:07:38.000 That's the size of where the mics are inside of here.

00:07:40.000 It's pretty close.

00:07:41.000 A thousand square feet is really...

00:07:43.000 I mean, if you're one dude living by yourself, like maybe you got a dog.

00:07:47.000 Yeah, but like then that one dude would just rent.

00:07:50.000 He probably should, unless he's just real simple.

00:07:52.000 There's those people that buy those miniature houses.

00:07:55.000 Ever seen those?

00:07:56.000 Tiny house.

00:07:56.000 Yeah, tiny house.

00:07:57.000 Dude, you want to talk about wormhole shit. 1.00

00:07:59.000 I got into that so deep, dude. 0.99

00:08:02.000 I was like, what if I did that? 1.00

00:08:04.000 What if I did the tiny house shit? 1.00

00:08:06.000 It's wild. 1.00

00:08:06.000 You know, there's a show that I'm addicted to. 1.00

00:08:08.000 It's called Life Below Zero.

00:08:09.000 I watched three episodes the other day.

00:08:11.000 Wait, is it the people in Alaska?

00:08:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:12.000 I love that show.

00:08:13.000 I watched two episodes the other day and one actually yesterday.

00:08:18.000 But the one I watched yesterday, there's this dude who lives in a place called, I think it's called Shandalar.

00:08:24.000 It's way above the Arctic Circle. 0.99

00:08:25.000 And this fucking guy lives by himself. 1.00

00:08:27.000 And apparently he used to be married and he has kids somewhere. 1.00

00:08:31.000 Yeah, his name's Glenn.

00:08:32.000 Glenn Vilneux or something like that.

00:08:34.000 Shout out to Glenn.

00:08:35.000 Smart dude, too, which is weird.

00:08:37.000 He lives solo.

00:08:38.000 Solo.

00:08:39.000 No one's around him.

00:08:39.000 He lives in a room, not even half the, that's homeboy right there.

00:08:43.000 He lives in a room, not even half the size of the studio. 1.00

00:08:46.000 And he just has a bunch of shit, like, stacked in that room. 0.99

00:08:49.000 Maybe it's like, I'm exaggerating, maybe it's half the size. 0.99

00:08:52.000 That's his tent.

00:08:53.000 Above the Arctic Circle.

00:08:54.000 Oh, is he naked there?

00:08:54.000 Yeah, it says his song.

00:08:55.000 Can we see his hog?

00:08:56.000 The show is Diesel, dude! 0.99

00:08:59.000 See, here's the thing about these things, like, you gotta realize that on these shows, there's a lot of the stuff they do is just bullshit. 0.98

00:09:05.000 They just do it for camera. 0.98

00:09:06.000 Totally.

00:09:07.000 Like, what would be good in an episode today?

00:09:08.000 Well, maybe I can make my own sauna.

00:09:10.000 Yeah, make a sauna, dude.

00:09:11.000 Perfect.

00:09:11.000 Like, would he really be making a sauna?

00:09:13.000 I don't know.

00:09:14.000 But what this guy does is just, he goes out and shoots moose and caribou.

00:09:19.000 He eats almost exclusively meat. 0.99

00:09:21.000 He lives where there's fucking no plants. 0.99

00:09:23.000 I mean, there's trees. 0.99

00:09:24.000 Can't grow. 0.99

00:09:25.000 But you're not growing jack shit. 0.99

00:09:26.000 No, can't grow. 0.99

00:09:26.000 There's wolves in his yard. 0.99

00:09:28.000 He had to shoot wolves once.

00:09:29.000 They were in his backyard.

00:09:30.000 He had to shoot them because they were coming for his food.

00:09:32.000 I see him training the wolves.

00:09:33.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:09:34.000 He starts training them and shit. 0.99

00:09:36.000 So you don't really train wolves. 1.00

00:09:37.000 You train those bitch-ass half-wolves that become dogs. 1.00

00:09:40.000 That's right. 1.00

00:09:41.000 They turn into his sauna wolves, his sauna dogs.

00:09:46.000 Unless you're like Beastmaster.

00:09:47.000 You have like a special bracelet and you walk through the forest and they all follow you.

00:09:50.000 Woo! 0.99

00:09:51.000 Everybody wanted to be that, right?

00:09:52.000 Remember Beastmaster?

00:09:54.000 Remember that show? 1.00

00:09:55.000 Fucking dude like always had like a hawk landing on his shoulder and shit. 1.00

00:09:58.000 Just go like this and a bird would land on him? 1.00

00:10:00.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:10:02.000 Didn't he have like a fucking mountain lion or something that hung around with him too and walked with him everywhere? 0.99

00:10:06.000 Like his guardian, yeah. 0.99

00:10:07.000 Yeah, like here he is.

00:10:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:09.000 Those ferrets are like pigeon, kite pigeons in New York, you know what I mean?

00:10:13.000 The parrots distribute messages throughout the forest.

00:10:15.000 Do you know ferrets were illegal in some places for a while as to pets? 0.99

00:10:19.000 Too much anal. 0.99

00:10:20.000 What? 1.00

00:10:21.000 People are shoving them up their ass. 1.00

00:10:22.000 I don't think that's ferrets. 1.00

00:10:24.000 They'll get him with a hawk on his hand.

00:10:25.000 Is that an eagle?

00:10:26.000 Look that up.

00:10:27.000 Why were ferrets illegal?

00:10:29.000 I think they thought they were aggressive, which is hilarious.

00:10:31.000 You think about how many dogs people have that are just ridiculously aggressive. 1.00

00:10:34.000 Bite people's faces off and shit. 1.00

00:10:35.000 Yeah, I had a fucking Golden Retriever attack my Golden Retriever and bite his face when we were on a run the other day. 1.00

00:10:42.000 What do you do? 1.00

00:10:43.000 I just pulled him apart and he yelled at the guy to control his fucking dog. 1.00

00:10:47.000 And what does he do? 1.00

00:10:47.000 The guy was so weak. 1.00

00:10:49.000 Like, the dog pulled and the guy comically fell to his ass, feet up in the air, from a dog. 0.99

00:10:56.000 I mean, it's a 70 pound dog. 0.97

00:10:58.000 It's not a big dog.

00:10:59.000 And it yanked him right?

00:10:59.000 And he said, like, the dog's a problem.

00:11:01.000 It bites things and tries to bite people.

00:11:04.000 I'm like, well, you got a bad dog, man. 1.00

00:11:05.000 Put a fucking muzzle on it or something. 1.00

00:11:07.000 Yeah, figure it out. 1.00

00:11:08.000 But he can't even hold the dog.

00:11:10.000 Like, there's people that have animals that they're just hoping nothing goes wrong.

00:11:14.000 They have zero control over that thing.

00:11:16.000 And this thing pulled, and this guy, like, whoop!

00:11:19.000 Feet went flying.

00:11:20.000 Like a cartoon.

00:11:21.000 He was so weak.

00:11:22.000 And then when I separated the dogs, he tried to pull the dog back.

00:11:25.000 He couldn't pull the dog back.

00:11:26.000 I'm like, come on, man.

00:11:27.000 Like, you shouldn't have this dog.

00:11:29.000 It's not even a big dog. 1.00

00:11:30.000 You should have a fucking Chihuahua. 1.00

00:11:32.000 It's an emasculating moment for a guy to, like, have another man be like, hey, what are you doing, guy? 1.00

00:11:36.000 I'm like, control your fucking dog. 0.99

00:11:37.000 I don't want to hurt the dog, but the dog's biting my dog. 1.00

00:11:40.000 Well, you have to stop it in some way.

00:11:42.000 You have to do something in some way.

00:11:43.000 There's two instincts.

00:11:45.000 Instinct number one is kick it and knock it away.

00:11:48.000 Push it away. 1.00

00:11:49.000 Instinct number two is grab a rock and smash this fucking thing. 1.00

00:11:53.000 I'm fighting that instinct. 1.00

00:11:54.000 Because that dog is like my little buddy.

00:11:56.000 You have to protect yours.

00:11:58.000 Yes, but he's a sweetie, too.

00:12:00.000 He's not growling at anything any time ever.

00:12:03.000 He's just a fun...

00:12:05.000 Just got attacked. 0.99

00:12:06.000 Happy dog, and this dog's biting onto his face, and he's yiping, and I'm trying to figure out what to do, and this fucking guy, feet up in the air! 0.99

00:12:11.000 Whoops! 0.99

00:12:13.000 He was of no use.

00:12:15.000 So I have to assume this dog's not going to do anything to me, even though it's biting me. 0.99

00:12:19.000 I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this dog. 0.99

00:12:20.000 It's not a pit bull or something like that. 1.00

00:12:23.000 If it was a pit bull, I would have known, like, okay, we've got to go wide berth here, fuck away from this thing. 0.99

00:12:28.000 I know how those things behave, but this is just like, why is this dog doing this? 0.99

00:12:32.000 That'll be the next reality show, is fight the owner. 1.00

00:12:36.000 Like, you know, the dog's getting the thing, and then you're like, all right, well, me and you have to fight now.

00:12:40.000 There's people that have dogs that don't even understand dogs.

00:12:43.000 They don't know that they have to be the alpha. 1.00

00:12:45.000 They don't know how to go, hey, cut the fucking shit! 1.00

00:12:48.000 Because they just get a dog. 1.00

00:12:50.000 They just get a dog and they just figure everything will figure itself out.

00:12:53.000 You know who's badass with dogs?

00:12:55.000 Who?

00:12:55.000 Whitney Cummings.

00:12:56.000 You know, I just got a puppy and I called her.

00:12:58.000 She gave me crazy good advice. 1.00

00:13:00.000 Dude, she doesn't fuck around. 1.00

00:13:01.000 In her house, she goes, I walk through my dogs. 1.00

00:13:03.000 I don't walk around them.

00:13:04.000 I walk through them.

00:13:05.000 She goes, and they don't lie on top of me and they don't get to lick my face. 0.97

00:13:09.000 I was like, whoa.

00:13:09.000 Yeah, no.

00:13:10.000 Let me tell you.

00:13:12.000 Shout out to her.

00:13:13.000 She gave me so much great advice.

00:13:16.000 I literally was like, hey man, do you have a little bit of time to tell me about it?

00:13:19.000 I mean like a computer.

00:13:20.000 She was like, do, don't, do, don't, do, don't.

00:13:22.000 She named everything perfectly.

00:13:24.000 She's like, don't make this mistake.

00:13:25.000 Don't do this. 1.00

00:13:25.000 People do this shit all the time. 1.00

00:13:26.000 It's wrong. 1.00

00:13:27.000 She laid it out great.

00:13:28.000 And now the puppy's almost perfectly potty trained.

00:13:32.000 And I just got it.

00:13:34.000 I saved my best friends.

00:13:35.000 True.

00:13:36.000 Adopted dogs.

00:13:37.000 Yeah, she's one of the smartest people I know. 1.00

00:13:40.000 But a puppy's an asshole, by the way. 1.00

00:13:42.000 Puppies are assholes. 1.00

00:13:43.000 Puppies are assholes? 1.00

00:13:44.000 Oh, so hard to deal with, man. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Really?

00:13:45.000 I'm waking up in the middle of the night pissing and wanting to piss like every two hours.

00:13:49.000 They're babies.

00:13:49.000 Yeah, I know.

00:13:50.000 I know.

00:13:51.000 Trust me.

00:13:51.000 I learned fast.

00:13:53.000 I was like, it'll sleep a little bit in the night.

00:13:55.000 When was the last time you had a dog?

00:13:56.000 Years ago.

00:13:57.000 Do you have crates?

00:13:58.000 Do you keep being crates?

00:13:59.000 Yeah, you gotta keep being crates.

00:14:00.000 The crate thing.

00:14:00.000 They don't mind.

00:14:01.000 That's the thing.

00:14:02.000 They think, oh, you're putting your dog in a cage.

00:14:03.000 No, they like it.

00:14:04.000 They like it.

00:14:04.000 It's comforting.

00:14:05.000 Yeah, because they feel like...

00:14:06.000 Well, even when she shits, she finds a thing that feels like it's covering her. 0.93

00:14:11.000 She likes to be covered when she shits. 1.00

00:14:13.000 I mean, she's a lady, first of all. 1.00

00:14:14.000 Of course. 1.00

00:14:14.000 She wants to hide her shit. 1.00

00:14:16.000 Of course. 1.00

00:14:17.000 But same thing.

00:14:18.000 When she goes in the crate, she likes it when my shirt's on top of it because it feels like it's a little cave. 0.97

00:14:22.000 You know what's the most bizarre to me is people in New York City who live in these little ass apartments stacked on top of each other and they have dogs. 0.97

00:14:29.000 Great Danes. 1.00

00:14:29.000 Like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

00:14:32.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:14:32.000 How are you doing this? 1.00

00:14:33.000 Like, you have to...

00:14:34.000 That is a job.

00:14:35.000 You have an extra job.

00:14:36.000 Yeah.

00:14:36.000 Like, it's not like you just let...

00:14:38.000 I can let my dog out in the yard. 1.00

00:14:39.000 Hey, buddy, you got a shit? 1.00

00:14:40.000 Go ahead. 1.00

00:14:40.000 Open up the door. 1.00

00:14:41.000 He's gone. 1.00

00:14:41.000 Goes and takes a shit. 1.00

00:14:42.000 There, you got to take it down an elevator. 1.00

00:14:44.000 You got to go somewhere.

00:14:44.000 Or downstairs.

00:14:45.000 Yeah.

00:14:45.000 What if you're in a walk-up?

00:14:46.000 Right?

00:14:46.000 You gotta walk down seven flights of stairs at two o'clock in the morning because your dog has diarrhea?

00:14:50.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:14:50.000 What is this? 1.00

00:14:52.000 This lady is walking down the street with a goddamn horse. 1.00

00:14:55.000 That is one of the biggest dogs I've ever seen. 1.00

00:14:58.000 What is that?

00:14:58.000 Mary lives in a 400 square foot, two bed, two bath.

00:15:03.000 My friend's daughter just moved to New York City.

00:15:07.000 She got a job in New York City and she moved to this place where she pays $1,200 for a room that doesn't even have a sink. 1.00

00:15:14.000 In Manhattan.

00:15:15.000 They have a community bathroom down the hall. 0.76

00:15:18.000 Dude, that is so gross. 0.89

00:15:19.000 She has a hot plate. 0.82

00:15:20.000 She has a hot plate in her room, and there's no room for anything. 1.00

00:15:23.000 No refrigerator, no none of that shit? 1.00

00:15:25.000 No. 1.00

00:15:25.000 It's a room. 1.00

00:15:25.000 No. 1.00

00:15:26.000 You bought a room.

00:15:26.000 It's so little.

00:15:28.000 She has a bed.

00:15:29.000 There's a bed that sits there, and then there's like, she has this little tiny area where there's a shelf, and then she has a hot plate that sits on the shelf.

00:15:38.000 That's it!

00:15:39.000 That's it.

00:15:40.000 If you have clothes, you gotta stack them up in boxes on the ground.

00:15:43.000 The best city in the world, baby!

00:15:45.000 $1,200.

00:15:47.000 Now, think if you're a kid.

00:15:48.000 She's only 21. Think if you're a kid and you move to New York.

00:15:53.000 How much are you making?

00:15:55.000 Are you even making $1,200 a month?

00:15:57.000 I mean, you might make $400, $500 a week before taxes, right?

00:16:03.000 And then if taxes come, you might be down to $4, right?

00:16:06.000 So what are you doing?

00:16:07.000 You're paying $1,200 and you're making $16?

00:16:10.000 So you're living off of $400 a week to walk around and take cabs and get food. 1.00

00:16:16.000 Fuck all that. 0.99

00:16:17.000 I mean, that's literally why I moved to LA when I started comedy. 1.00

00:16:20.000 I was going to go to New York and I thought...

00:16:21.000 A buddy was like, you can be broke in LA and get away with it.

00:16:24.000 Yes.

00:16:25.000 He's like, you can't be broke in New York.

00:16:27.000 Yeah, when I lived in New York, I was doing road gigs.

00:16:29.000 And I couldn't afford to live in Manhattan, so I lived in New Rochelle.

00:16:32.000 I got a place in New Rochelle with a little driveway.

00:16:34.000 I rented, like, it was the bottom half of a house.

00:16:36.000 And there's like a little driveway, I could park the car right in front of my bedroom. 0.97

00:16:41.000 So if someone fucked with it, I could hear it. 0.98

00:16:43.000 It was the only option. 1.00

00:16:46.000 That wasn't cheap either.

00:16:47.000 But living in the city was just impossible.

00:16:50.000 It was like hundreds of dollars a month just for a parking spot.

00:16:53.000 Yeah, I knew I could never afford that.

00:16:54.000 That's why I moved to LA. Someone was telling me, they were like, you can get away with paying $400 a month in LA to have a room in a place with roommates.

00:17:03.000 And I was like, oh, that's perfect.

00:17:04.000 Well, I think comics are doing it right.

00:17:07.000 Like, there's a lot of, like, Tony Hinchcliffe, when he lived out here, when he first moved here, he lived with, like, three other guys, and, like, they all split the rent on a small one-bedroom apartment or two-bedroom apartment.

00:17:18.000 You can get away with that.

00:17:19.000 And then it's fun.

00:17:20.000 It's like...

00:17:21.000 It is fun.

00:17:22.000 You know what's not fun, though?

00:17:23.000 The one guy who doesn't make it. 0.99

00:17:24.000 No shit. 0.99

00:17:25.000 He still calls you. 1.00

00:17:26.000 Yeah.

00:17:26.000 What are you guys up to?

00:17:28.000 Hey, you think I'd get a spot at the Ice House?

00:17:30.000 Hey, man, you're breaking up.

00:17:31.000 I gotta go.

00:17:32.000 I'm in the hill.

00:17:33.000 I'm on the hill.

00:17:36.000 Yeah.

00:17:38.000 But that's always funny because there's always one.

00:17:41.000 The guys that I moved out here, or the guys when I moved out here, they're all doing good stuff.

00:17:45.000 Not comics, but they're all doing good stuff, which is wild.

00:17:47.000 It's good if they're not comics.

00:17:49.000 Yeah, they weren't comics.

00:17:50.000 It's better.

00:17:51.000 That was easier for me, because I also think competition in those places gets kind of thick, you know?

00:17:55.000 It could.

00:17:56.000 It depends on who you live with. 0.81

00:17:57.000 Some guy gets on, some guy, you know, you watch one dude get a lot of rise, and then everyone else is like, why the fuck is he getting so much rise?

00:18:05.000 It becomes this, you know, I've only lived with, the only comic I've ever lived with was Duncan.

00:18:09.000 That was only for like six months.

00:18:10.000 Love him.

00:18:11.000 It might not even have been six months.

00:18:13.000 Somewhere in the neighborhood of six months.

00:18:14.000 I never lived with a comic, I think.

00:18:15.000 He got booted out of his house, though.

00:18:17.000 He was living with a gal, and then they had a little bit of a struggle.

00:18:20.000 And he called me up from a motel, and I'm like, come on, live with me, man! 1.00

00:18:23.000 Fuck it! 1.00

00:18:24.000 Come on, dude, party! 1.00

00:18:25.000 This big old house, living by myself.

00:18:27.000 Like, let's have some fun.

00:18:28.000 And he actually used my isolation tank to get over his breakup.

00:18:33.000 Really?

00:18:33.000 Yeah, he got in that tank every day.

00:18:35.000 He would smoke weed and get in the tank and think about life.

00:18:38.000 And just let it sit.

00:18:39.000 And just realized, and wrote a journal, and then left it behind, so I've read every page of it. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Called him up, and I was like, dude, what is all this gay shit? 1.00

00:18:46.000 What is this? 1.00

00:18:46.000 What do you got here? 1.00

00:18:47.000 First couple of pages, I love anal. 0.99

00:18:49.000 They're like, no! 0.99

00:18:50.000 Did I really leave that?

00:18:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:51.000 You don't mind if I put it online, right?

00:18:54.000 Page for page.

00:18:55.000 To this day, I don't know where that is.

00:18:56.000 Might have got lost in one of my moves.

00:18:58.000 Might just turn it up somewhere.

00:18:59.000 I was gonna say, you should do a time release, like every day a new page gets released online?

00:19:03.000 It wasn't really that bad.

00:19:04.000 It was just him, you know, like getting out of the tank and just sorting his head out.

00:19:09.000 What's the first thing you think of when you get out of the tank?

00:19:11.000 Oh, it's very different every time.

00:19:13.000 I mean, most of the time when I get in the tank, I'm just trying to chill out.

00:19:16.000 I always have so many plates spinning.

00:19:19.000 There's so many different things I'm always thinking about, like this podcast, who's the future guest, when am I doing stand-up, what bit am I working on, oh, the UFC's coming up, oh, have I watched this guy fight before?

00:19:32.000 I've got to make sure that I get my views in on different styles and stuff and have my ideas about what I think about these matchups.

00:19:41.000 You don't sleep.

00:19:42.000 I sleep.

00:19:43.000 You sleep in there?

00:19:44.000 No, in the tank?

00:19:45.000 Yeah.

00:19:45.000 Oh, no.

00:19:46.000 No, I don't sleep in there.

00:19:47.000 Can people sleep in the tank?

00:19:49.000 Yes, you definitely can.

00:19:50.000 I would imagine that your own snores, though, would echo off the walls a little bit.

00:19:54.000 Maybe that would wake you up.

00:19:55.000 But I'm sure I've passed out in there before.

00:19:57.000 I'm sure I have.

00:19:57.000 The many years that I've been doing it.

00:19:59.000 I first got one 16 years ago. 0.99

00:20:02.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:20:03.000 Yeah, that's when I first got a tank. 0.99

00:20:05.000 I got one in 2002. That's wild.

00:20:07.000 Yeah.

00:20:08.000 Do you do the cryo freeze too?

00:20:09.000 I do that too, yeah.

00:20:11.000 Do you like that?

00:20:11.000 I'll tell you what, man.

00:20:12.000 I really prefer sauna.

00:20:14.000 It takes more time.

00:20:15.000 But I really like how saunas make me feel.

00:20:18.000 But cryo gives you a...

00:20:20.000 I shouldn't say I prefer it.

00:20:22.000 Here's the problem.

00:20:22.000 I have a sauna here.

00:20:24.000 So I'm biased that I can just turn it on and I'll do it way more often.

00:20:28.000 I have to drive to the cryo place.

00:20:30.000 Park my car.

00:20:32.000 Take my clothes off.

00:20:33.000 Just get a cryo machine here.

00:20:34.000 No, no, no.

00:20:35.000 It's very complicated.

00:20:35.000 You have to have a license.

00:20:37.000 You're carrying liquid nitrogen.

00:20:38.000 Just get a dude to stay here. 1.00

00:20:39.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

00:20:40.000 Get a cryo dude. 1.00

00:20:41.000 Jamie would like that. 0.79

00:20:42.000 You want a cryo dude hanging around?

00:20:45.000 I was thinking about that one girl that died in Vegas because she was doing it without supervision.

00:20:49.000 How long was she in it for?

00:20:51.000 She did a different kind.

00:20:52.000 See, there's two different kinds.

00:20:53.000 There's the kind that uses liquid nitrogen, and then you stand in this liquid nitrogen, and in that kind, it's only from the neck down.

00:21:01.000 So your head is not being frozen.

00:21:03.000 Right.

00:21:04.000 That's not as effective.

00:21:05.000 It's effective.

00:21:06.000 It definitely does something, but it doesn't do as much as the one where you're standing at 250 degree below zero air.

00:21:12.000 That's the one that I go to.

00:21:14.000 That's Cryo Healthcare.

00:21:15.000 They're in L.A. on La Cienega.

00:21:17.000 And then they're about five miles away from here in Woodland Hills.

00:21:20.000 So you're just getting like a chamber.

00:21:22.000 Yes.

00:21:23.000 Underwear and gloves.

00:21:24.000 Yes.

00:21:24.000 Because you've got to protect the extremities, right?

00:21:26.000 You wear like Crocs on your feet, something rubber on your feet, like rubber clogs rather.

00:21:31.000 Right.

00:21:32.000 Because...

00:21:32.000 You're gonna wear socks.

00:21:34.000 Socks go up to your ankles or up to your calves rather like because your skin can freeze.

00:21:39.000 Like you can get frostbite.

00:21:41.000 Like I know people that have been in there too long and they've got a little bit of burning sensation on their legs.

00:21:45.000 How long is too long?

00:21:46.000 The most I've ever done is 3 minutes and 40 seconds.

00:21:49.000 They don't let you do more than, I think, a minute and a half on your first one.

00:21:52.000 They want to make sure that you don't freak out, you're not too sensitive, and then you build your way up to three minutes is the max.

00:21:58.000 The only reason why I went further than that is because there was a guy who worked there, and we were just trying to figure out what you can take.

00:22:03.000 Yeah, I was going to say, you did it because you wanted to.

00:22:06.000 I wanted to see if I could take.

00:22:07.000 Did you do it?

00:22:09.000 I've done twice, I think.

00:22:10.000 Two minutes max is for me.

00:22:12.000 I felt like at four, I felt like at four minutes I would have had real problems.

00:22:16.000 I was like, I was on the door of real problems at three minutes and forty seconds. 0.98

00:22:19.000 Does your brain start, do you feel stuff, like, does your head start getting fucked up? 0.98

00:22:22.000 It's hard to concentrate. 0.99

00:22:23.000 It's hard to stay cool.

00:22:25.000 Like, the whole deal is just, like, stay chill. 0.99

00:22:28.000 Cool it out, man, while we almost kill your body. 1.00

00:22:30.000 Almost kill your body. 1.00

00:22:31.000 While we almost freeze you. 1.00

00:22:31.000 But you keep it together. 1.00

00:22:32.000 You don't want to freak out.

00:22:33.000 But then my legs started involuntary bucking.

00:22:37.000 They were doing this.

00:22:38.000 Yeah.

00:22:38.000 It's your body saying, this isn't, we gotta, this is not.

00:22:41.000 I was like, okay.

00:22:42.000 So my rational brain was still like 30% operational maybe at that point.

00:22:47.000 Maybe 40%.

00:22:48.000 You're like, you know, I'm thinking that, you couldn't do math problems.

00:22:51.000 Yeah, you're not thinking clear.

00:22:53.000 You could do math problems for the first 30 seconds. 1.00

00:22:55.000 And then you'd be like, holy fuck! 1.00

00:22:57.000 What if you just thought about one math problem over and over in your brain and circulated that shit until the end? 1.00

00:23:04.000 And if you focused on it so hard, then when you started to forget how to do it, then you know you're out. 0.99

00:23:08.000 Then you can't do it anymore.

00:23:09.000 Well, one thing I do do is I do that Wim Hof breathing method, where I take these gigantic breaths, and then I let out 20%, and then I take another breath, like as deep as I can get my lungs, let out 20%, and I concentrate on doing that, and time flies by.

00:23:23.000 That's what they do.

00:23:23.000 That's what those deep divers do, right?

00:23:25.000 Those guys that go to those, don't they do that?

00:23:26.000 Don't they, because they learn how to store breath?

00:23:28.000 I don't know what they do.

00:23:29.000 Have you ever seen those videos where those guys dive in those dive tanks that they have set up?

00:23:33.000 But the way they do it, it looks like they take in tons of breath, they let out a little bit, and they keep taking it in as if they're just storing it in the sacks in their lungs.

00:23:40.000 I would think that that's not just storing oxygen, too, that you'd be storing carbon dioxide, right?

00:23:44.000 Because you're not breathing it out.

00:23:45.000 Yeah, but they breathe out a little bit at a time. 0.98

00:23:47.000 How the fuck do you convert oxygen to carbon dioxide? 0.90

00:23:50.000 I've always just accepted that. 0.97

00:23:53.000 I never thought about it.

00:23:54.000 The fact that air goes in.

00:23:55.000 Why isn't air going out? 0.97

00:23:56.000 What the fuck is happening? 0.92

00:23:57.000 It's only going right there. 0.99

00:23:59.000 How does it turn into carbon dioxide?

00:24:01.000 It's just a little dude.

00:24:01.000 It's just going in there, and then it comes right out.

00:24:04.000 That's it.

00:24:05.000 I converted.

00:24:07.000 Yeah, right now. 0.97

00:24:07.000 That's ridiculous. 0.97

00:24:08.000 You're a big conversion machine. 0.99

00:24:09.000 That's what we all are.

00:24:10.000 Yeah, big conversion machine.

00:24:11.000 We're big carbon dioxide conversion machines.

00:24:13.000 You learn that kind of stuff?

00:24:14.000 Like how quickly things happen when my college roommate had gout?

00:24:18.000 You know what I mean?

00:24:19.000 Where blood turns around?

00:24:20.000 My friend Jeff had that.

00:24:21.000 That's crazy.

00:24:22.000 It's like your fingers or your hands.

00:24:23.000 Anything where blood has a long...

00:24:25.000 It's his feet.

00:24:25.000 Yeah, feet.

00:24:26.000 It's usually legs and feet.

00:24:27.000 And I never understood it until I looked it up when he had it.

00:24:29.000 And I was like, how do you get gout?

00:24:31.000 And everything online is like...

00:24:32.000 50 plus is at risk, you know, like high blood pressure.

00:24:35.000 I mean, this kid was 20 years old.

00:24:37.000 Jesus.

00:24:37.000 Shouldn't have had it.

00:24:38.000 You know they call it King's disease?

00:24:40.000 Yeah, because they were fat and ate and drank all day.

00:24:42.000 They just drank wine and their feet would go numb. 0.98

00:24:45.000 You know how fucking awesome that is? 0.94

00:24:47.000 Especially when everybody else is starving. 0.95

00:24:49.000 People are like, please, sir.

00:24:51.000 Nah! 0.99

00:24:52.000 Let me rest my swollen, dead feet on your head. 1.00

00:24:55.000 I've been watching Vikings.

00:24:57.000 I get into that show Vikings.

00:24:59.000 I've never seen it. 0.98

00:24:59.000 Pretty goddamn good show. 0.98

00:25:01.000 It's good? 0.99

00:25:01.000 I was super skeptical. 0.99

00:25:02.000 People were telling me it was good.

00:25:03.000 I was like, it's on regular TV. How the fuck can it be any good? 0.99

00:25:05.000 What was it on? 0.99

00:25:06.000 It was on History Channel.

00:25:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:08.000 Which is another one.

00:25:08.000 It's on History Channel.

00:25:10.000 But it's a drama? 0.99

00:25:11.000 How the fuck? 0.97

00:25:12.000 It's based on historical facts, apparently. 0.98

00:25:14.000 Right. 0.97

00:25:16.000 Ragnar, Ragnar Lothbrok, that's his name, but it's a fucking badass show. 0.90

00:25:20.000 But one of the things that's crazy about the show is you really stop and think, well, this is really how it worked, like how kings treated regular people. 0.91

00:25:26.000 Totally.

00:25:26.000 They really got away with that, and all they were was just a regular guy.

00:25:30.000 Like, they didn't have superpowers, and everybody would just bow down to him, sire, and they would kiss the rings, and they would just let them do whatever the fuck they wanted. 0.98

00:25:38.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:25:38.000 It's so weird. 0.97

00:25:39.000 Fear of death, dude.

00:25:40.000 But it's crazy that even the army would listen to this guy.

00:25:43.000 Like, that anybody would listen.

00:25:45.000 That's weirder, that the army listened to one dude. 1.00

00:25:47.000 Occasionally they would go, fuck you, and they'd kill the guy, and then a new guy would rise. 1.00

00:25:50.000 That's what we should be doing. 1.00

00:25:51.000 We should do all that shit now. 0.99

00:25:53.000 Dude, did you see the video of Trump talking about taxes? 1.00

00:25:57.000 What he said.

00:25:58.000 I can chuck it at one guy saying, I'm going to charge you 25 more percent.

00:26:02.000 Let's play it.

00:26:03.000 It's on my Instagram.

00:26:04.000 I sent it out yesterday. 0.97

00:26:05.000 It is fucking amazing that that's the price. 0.97

00:26:08.000 There's two parts of me, man. 0.98

00:26:10.000 There's one part of me that loves this.

00:26:12.000 Oh, dude, I love it.

00:26:13.000 One part of me that's going, ha!

00:26:15.000 It's great material. 1.00

00:26:17.000 There's so many fakes and phonies and ridiculous career politicians that have to watch this guy say, listen, motherfuckers, you're going to pay 25% taxes, and everybody goes crazy and cheers. 0.99

00:26:28.000 Because they can't believe he's really saying it. 0.99

00:26:30.000 But it's the stuff that they would say, too, if they didn't have any reservations.

00:26:33.000 Well, it's maybe.

00:26:34.000 I think a lot of those guys are just like that.

00:26:36.000 Let's play it, because it's hilarious.

00:26:38.000 Well, what would you do?

00:26:39.000 What can you do?

00:26:41.000 So easy.

00:26:43.000 I drop a 25% tax on China.

00:26:47.000 China.

00:26:49.000 And you know, I said to somebody that is really the messenger.

00:26:52.000 The messenger is important.

00:26:54.000 I could have one man say, we're going to tax you 25%. 1.00

00:26:59.000 And I could say another, listen you motherfuckers, we're going to tax you 25%. 1.00

00:27:08.000 I'm telling you, man. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Look, I'm not in favor of the wall.

00:27:12.000 I'm pro-immigration. 0.99

00:27:14.000 I'm not in favor of these ice busts and all that jazz, but shit like that wins me over. 1.00

00:27:19.000 I said... 1.00

00:27:20.000 I just love the fact that the guy is the fucking president. 1.00

00:27:24.000 And he said, listen, you motherfuckers, you're going to pay 25% taxes. 1.00

00:27:28.000 It says it years before the campaign. 1.00

00:27:29.000 It doesn't say how many years.

00:27:30.000 Oh, is it?

00:27:32.000 Is it 2011?

00:27:32.000 Oh, it's old.

00:27:33.000 But he looks the same.

00:27:35.000 That makes more sense.

00:27:36.000 You know what's so funny?

00:27:37.000 I was talking about it on stage. 0.97

00:27:38.000 It's still ridiculous. 0.93

00:27:39.000 I'm so tired of being yelled at online about people hate him. 0.71

00:27:42.000 Listen, I'm not a huge fan of him either, but so many people are like, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, that now I kind of like him.

00:27:48.000 Exactly! 1.00

00:27:49.000 Do you know how enough people say shit and you're like, fuck you, I'm so tired of you telling me your opinion. 1.00

00:27:53.000 It's all the same, too. 1.00

00:27:54.000 Also, what annoys me is when someone goes, fucking moron. 1.00

00:27:58.000 That's it? 1.00

00:27:59.000 That's what you did? 1.00

00:28:01.000 That's not doing anything by going, hey Trump, suck my dick! 1.00

00:28:05.000 Alright, dude. 1.00

00:28:06.000 Well, you got him.

00:28:07.000 Here's my take on that. 1.00

00:28:08.000 If it's that, if it's fucking moron, you're not even supposed to listen. 1.00

00:28:11.000 That's supposed to not even go in. 1.00

00:28:12.000 I know.

00:28:13.000 Because this is not effective communication.

00:28:15.000 So if you engage that guy, you just completely waste your time.

00:28:19.000 Even if you get upset at it, you completely waste your time.

00:28:22.000 I wipe it away.

00:28:22.000 But I see it and I'm like, oh, come on.

00:28:24.000 The one that gets me is Nazi. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Fucking Nazi. 1.00

00:28:27.000 Nazi. 1.00

00:28:27.000 Oh, yeah, he's a Nazi and you're a Nazi. 1.00

00:28:29.000 Fascist! 1.00

00:28:30.000 They throw these words around and they really don't even know what the fuck they're saying. 1.00

00:28:33.000 Like, if you really think that everybody who likes Trump is a Nazi, you're missing... 1.00

00:28:37.000 That's insane.

00:28:38.000 You're missing a giant point. 1.00

00:28:40.000 You're fucking up everything. 0.99

00:28:41.000 You're ruining this conversation. 0.99

00:28:43.000 Right. 0.99

00:28:43.000 You're right about a lot of the shit he does wrong. 0.99

00:28:45.000 But as soon as you say he's a Nazi... 1.00

00:28:47.000 Right.

00:28:47.000 ...and that there's Nazis.

00:28:48.000 Everyone's a Nazi.

00:28:49.000 Well, then when real Nazis come around, you better have a better name. 0.83

00:28:53.000 New...

00:28:53.000 Yeah.

00:28:54.000 Yeah, you can't...

00:28:54.000 Cool Nazis.

00:28:55.000 You can't fucking take the word Nazi and apply it to shit that's not Nazis. 1.00

00:28:59.000 That's dangerous. 1.00

00:29:00.000 People say it all the time.

00:29:01.000 That's a real specific word.

00:29:02.000 Like, call someone a murderer.

00:29:04.000 Why'd you call him a murderer?

00:29:05.000 Because he yelled an insult at that man.

00:29:07.000 Okay, that's not a murderer.

00:29:08.000 You can't do that.

00:29:10.000 It's the same thing with calling someone a Nazi that's not a Nazi. 1.00

00:29:12.000 He might be a moron. 1.00

00:29:13.000 He might be a fool. 1.00

00:29:15.000 He might be into Trump just because he's a dumb guy and he likes the fact there's a white guy in office. 1.00

00:29:20.000 But that doesn't mean he's a Nazi. 1.00

00:29:22.000 It's also like, the biggest problem that I have is like, it's still illegal to be an asshole. 1.00

00:29:28.000 It's not illegal to be a dick, right? 0.99

00:29:30.000 If someone says something you don't like, it's not against the law. 0.98

00:29:33.000 So like this idea of you tagging someone like they're the biggest criminal in the world because they said something you don't like is crazy to me. 0.97

00:29:39.000 People are allowed to not fucking think what you think is right. 0.94

00:29:42.000 Right, and they're trying to redefine what's acceptable by calling words violence. 0.99

00:29:46.000 Like, they're calling, saying things is violence.

00:29:49.000 Hate speech.

00:29:49.000 Well, hate speech is real, right?

00:29:51.000 I don't know, though.

00:29:51.000 See, that's funny.

00:29:52.000 You don't think that's real if you say something like, fuck the Jews, I hate all Jews, Jews should die? 1.00

00:29:57.000 That's hate speech. 1.00

00:29:58.000 Okay.

00:29:59.000 To me, it's this. 1.00

00:30:00.000 If a guy said, fuck the Jews, I disagree with what he says. 1.00

00:30:04.000 You should say, how do you fuck them? 1.00

00:30:05.000 Do you fuck them in the ass? 1.00

00:30:06.000 Do you fuck them in the front? 1.00

00:30:07.000 Do you mouth fuck them? 1.00

00:30:08.000 Do you go around the world? 1.00

00:30:09.000 What are you doing?

00:30:10.000 Do you kvetch after?

00:30:10.000 No.

00:30:11.000 But I think it's like...

00:30:12.000 Listen, that person...

00:30:15.000 Hate speech to me is just a big, huge term that can encompass so many things.

00:30:20.000 I don't really know what it is.

00:30:22.000 Right.

00:30:23.000 Does it incite violence? 1.00

00:30:25.000 If I said fuck the Jews, does that incite violence? 1.00

00:30:27.000 It shouldn't. 1.00

00:30:28.000 No, that's just that. 1.00

00:30:29.000 If I said fuck your shirt. 1.00

00:30:30.000 It only incites violence. 1.00

00:30:31.000 That didn't incite you to tear his shirt off.

00:30:33.000 I was pretty close.

00:30:33.000 As soon as you, the way you said shirt, I was like, yeah.

00:30:38.000 Leading a shirt revolution? 1.00

00:30:39.000 Yeah, fuck shirts. 1.00

00:30:40.000 Take your fucking shirt off, Jimmy. 1.00

00:30:41.000 You win a fucking shirt, bro? 1.00

00:30:43.000 Seriously, bro? 1.00

00:30:44.000 The only way fuck the Jews works is if someone also thinks fuck the Jews, and then you like find like-minded shitheads. 1.00

00:30:51.000 But that's gonna happen no matter what. 1.00

00:30:52.000 But it's not gonna happen if you don't say it.

00:30:54.000 So the idea is like, can you suppress it?

00:30:56.000 Here's the problem with stopping hate speech, is like, who's to decide?

00:31:01.000 Because they're pushing the boundary with hate speech so far now.

00:31:04.000 Like if you call a trans woman a man, that's hate speech.

00:31:10.000 No, no, what if that's just an accident?

00:31:12.000 Yeah, it's still accidental hate speech.

00:31:14.000 Why?

00:31:15.000 That's crazy.

00:31:15.000 Because we live in a new world.

00:31:17.000 No, see, I can't accept that.

00:31:18.000 You don't go online enough.

00:31:19.000 If you do it out of malice, like if someone's like, hey, I'm Margaret, and a guy goes, no, no, I'm not going to call you that.

00:31:29.000 Then that's them being proactively prejudiced, right? 0.99

00:31:32.000 Them being a dick. 1.00

00:31:33.000 They're being an asshole. 1.00

00:31:34.000 But some people are of the opinion that this is all nonsense. 1.00

00:31:37.000 But if it's an accident, that's not hate speech.

00:31:39.000 I'm not taking their point, but I do want to play devil's advocate.

00:31:41.000 Because I've had conversations with people who are pretty intelligent people that say, this is all nonsense.

00:31:46.000 And then this trans stuff, and this is a trendy thing that people are really getting into, and some people are really...

00:31:53.000 Distort like their perceptions of reality is really distorted and they're being talked into this because it's a thing that a lot of people are doing it and so they're getting and I'm I hear that I go wow I don't know if I believe that people are willing to Transition to another sex because they're confused.

00:32:07.000 That's a big leap.

00:32:08.000 It's a giant ass leap But here's the other leap the leap is you telling someone whether or not they feel a certain way And then the other leap here's the other leap. 1.00

00:32:18.000 What do you give a fuck? 1.00

00:32:21.000 If Bruce Jenner wants to become Caitlyn Jenner, I'll call her Caitlyn. 1.00

00:32:24.000 I don't care. 1.00

00:32:24.000 But if she thinks I'm going to stop making fun of her, she's out of her fucking mind. 1.00

00:32:28.000 Okay, but that's what I mean. 0.99

00:32:29.000 So you should be allowed to just...

00:32:30.000 You should be allowed to mock at a freedom that you would anyway.

00:32:33.000 Every 6'3 person with size 14 high heels gets mocked.

00:32:37.000 Just, listen.

00:32:38.000 Around the clock.

00:32:40.000 Anybody would get made fun of for any of that in any other way.

00:32:43.000 Yes!

00:32:43.000 If you used to be a girl or used to be a dude and now you're a girl, someone's gonna make fun of you and that's just the price you pay for being a person.

00:32:51.000 But people make fun of everyone for everything.

00:32:53.000 Everything.

00:32:53.000 You have red hair.

00:32:54.000 This is my whole life.

00:32:55.000 Your whole life.

00:32:56.000 But I can't start a group against it being like, it's enough of this!

00:32:59.000 Enough! 1.00

00:33:00.000 No, just, it is what it is.

00:33:01.000 Everyone has these flaws.

00:33:03.000 The kick a ginger day? 0.76

00:33:04.000 Kick a ginger day, yeah. 0.69

00:33:04.000 That wasn't cool. 0.69

00:33:05.000 No, but you know what's so funny about that?

00:33:07.000 Those guys are so subversive. 1.00

00:33:08.000 What they're doing is showing how quickly people jump onto things and go, yeah, fuck them. 1.00

00:33:13.000 It's true. 1.00

00:33:14.000 Fuck them all. 1.00

00:33:14.000 So they're so smart. 1.00

00:33:15.000 I love that episode because it was like, that could be a real, and that's how dumb people are. 0.96

00:33:20.000 People in the real world have told me, been like, dude, I wonder what kick a ginger day is. 0.95

00:33:24.000 That's real to them.

00:33:26.000 By the way, I played golf with a buddy at the country club that Caitlyn Jenner belongs to.

00:33:33.000 My first question, does she hit from the women's tees or the men's tees?

00:33:38.000 And the guy with me goes, she hits from the women's tees. 1.00

00:33:40.000 I'm like, bullshit. 1.00

00:33:41.000 See, that's bullshit. 1.00

00:33:43.000 Is it bullshit? 1.00

00:33:43.000 Yeah, dude, because you're a fucking Olympian. 1.00

00:33:46.000 What's the difference between the women's tees and the men's tees? 1.00

00:33:49.000 I mean like...

00:33:50.000 Distance?

00:33:50.000 30, 40 yards, yeah.

00:33:51.000 Oh.

00:33:52.000 Yeah.

00:33:53.000 That's like doing those push-ups on your knees. 1.00

00:33:55.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:33:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:56.000 Get on your toes, bitch. 1.00

00:33:57.000 But wait a minute. 1.00

00:33:58.000 She has man-structured muscle. 0.99

00:34:01.000 That didn't go away.

00:34:03.000 It's all gone.

00:34:04.000 No way.

00:34:04.000 There's no muscle.

00:34:06.000 There's no muscle left. 0.99

00:34:07.000 She's still pretty fucking jacked. 1.00

00:34:08.000 Not really, man. 0.99

00:34:09.000 No?

00:34:10.000 No.

00:34:10.000 I'm going to be honest.

00:34:11.000 I don't think she works out at all.

00:34:13.000 And she's old already, so it's not like her body has any reserves.

00:34:16.000 I still say you go back to the men's tees. 1.00

00:34:18.000 But she still has a dick, right? 1.00

00:34:19.000 Nope. 1.00

00:34:20.000 She had the operation.

00:34:21.000 Cut it off.

00:34:21.000 It's gone.

00:34:21.000 Holla!

00:34:22.000 Is it gone?

00:34:23.000 Yes, sir.

00:34:23.000 Okay, now you get women's tees.

00:34:25.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:34:26.000 If Dick was there, you gotta go back to the black. 0.95

00:34:29.000 Yeah, there's a lot of fence riders out there in the trans world. 1.00

00:34:31.000 You gotta pick a side.

00:34:33.000 You gotta pick, dude.

00:34:34.000 You gotta come or go.

00:34:35.000 That's another thing they're saying.

00:34:36.000 And this I don't agree with. 0.77

00:34:37.000 They're saying that if you are a person who is male and likes women, if you are unwilling to date a trans woman, it's because you are a transphobic bigot. 1.00

00:34:49.000 Including if that trans woman still has a penis. 1.00

00:34:52.000 That's of no regard. 1.00

00:34:54.000 You know what the funniest thing of all this is?

00:34:56.000 I'm so happy to just be a cisgender...

00:34:59.000 I feel responsible for a lot of terrible things.

00:35:00.000 I'm so happy to not have to worry about it.

00:35:02.000 I don't have to worry about it.

00:35:03.000 No one's going to call me a bigot for not liking a subsect of a kind of a thing that I like.

00:35:09.000 I just like women. 1.00

00:35:10.000 That's all I know I like.

00:35:11.000 That's it.

00:35:11.000 I'm fine.

00:35:12.000 For now.

00:35:12.000 They'll come around to you soon.

00:35:14.000 They're going to get you like they got Bruno Mars.

00:35:16.000 He didn't see it coming.

00:35:17.000 Come on.

00:35:17.000 What did they say?

00:35:19.000 Appropriating black culture? 1.00

00:35:20.000 Cultural appropriation.

00:35:21.000 You see how many people came to his rescue, though? 1.00

00:35:22.000 A bunch of people were like, that's bullshit. 1.00

00:35:24.000 He's a musician. 1.00

00:35:24.000 Of course. 1.00

00:35:25.000 What has he done?

00:35:26.000 Nothing.

00:35:26.000 How is he appropriating black culture?

00:35:29.000 Singing awesome?

00:35:29.000 Made good music.

00:35:30.000 Yeah.

00:35:31.000 That's all he did.

00:35:31.000 That billionaire song is a wonderful song.

00:35:33.000 Dude, he made some fucking great songs. 0.98

00:35:35.000 He's a great artist. 1.00

00:35:36.000 It's bullshit to think that people now can stab at anything that you're like, now you're just trying to cause a stir. 0.95

00:35:41.000 They take swings that sometimes don't work. 0.98

00:35:43.000 Remember when they were trying to block bossy?

00:35:45.000 Stop saying bossy.

00:35:45.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

00:35:46.000 People were like, fuck off! 1.00

00:35:47.000 Like, okay, okay. 1.00

00:35:49.000 Just trying.

00:35:50.000 Just put it out.

00:35:51.000 Just want to put it out.

00:35:52.000 Just want to put it out.

00:35:53.000 Just giving it a shot.

00:35:54.000 Yeah, Bruno Mars.

00:35:55.000 They shut that down so fast.

00:35:56.000 And he didn't say anything back.

00:35:57.000 Good for him. 1.00

00:35:58.000 That's my favorite shit. 1.00

00:35:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:59.000 That's kind of like, you know how like Samsung and all these other phone companies, they make ads about iPhones. 1.00

00:36:04.000 You know, all their ads are based on fuck iPhones. 0.53

00:36:07.000 Apple never makes a response. 1.00

00:36:09.000 Of course.

00:36:10.000 That's the coolest move is to be like, whatever, man. 1.00

00:36:12.000 Yeah, that Samsung ad is stupid. 1.00

00:36:14.000 That Samsung ad when they walk past the people waiting in line for an iPhone. 1.00

00:36:17.000 Dude, they've always had those.

00:36:17.000 Samsung's always been like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

00:36:20.000 It's like the annoying little brother and you're like, oh dude, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:36:23.000 Just do your own thing. 0.96

00:36:25.000 They make the best, second best phones.

00:36:27.000 You're the second best phone in the world, man.

00:36:29.000 You make the best, second best phones.

00:36:30.000 You're the number one at making the number two phones.

00:36:32.000 Sort of.

00:36:33.000 The Google phone is probably better.

00:36:36.000 I think the Samsung probably sells more.

00:36:37.000 What do you got here?

00:36:37.000 What about this ad?

00:36:38.000 That was the iMac.

00:36:40.000 I'm a Mac, I'm a PC. I'm a Mac, I'm a PC. Yeah, those were so dumb.

00:36:45.000 But those were in the 90s, man. 0.99

00:36:47.000 I'm saying currently they don't run any ads like that anymore.

00:36:50.000 That's the guy from Drag Me to Hell, right?

00:36:51.000 No, what was the movie he was in?

00:36:53.000 What was his name?

00:36:53.000 Justin Long?

00:36:54.000 What was that movie he was in? 1.00

00:36:55.000 He was in a great fucking horror movie. 0.99

00:36:57.000 Like a real classic campy horror movie. 0.99

00:36:59.000 Oh, he was in Kevin Smith's one.

00:37:02.000 No, no, no, no.

00:37:03.000 He was in Tusk, right.

00:37:04.000 But that's not the one I'm talking about.

00:37:05.000 There was one that he was in...

00:37:07.000 Pull back up with that.

00:37:09.000 That is right, though.

00:37:10.000 That is funny.

00:37:10.000 I forgot about those ads.

00:37:11.000 That's how long ago that was.

00:37:12.000 I've been using Windows to write lately.

00:37:15.000 I use Windows 10. It's fucking great. 0.97

00:37:17.000 There's nothing wrong with it. 0.97

00:37:19.000 Like, Windows 10 is, in my opinion, just as good...

00:37:24.000 Nerd, pretty boy.

00:37:25.000 Oh, they're arguing with each other.

00:37:27.000 Mac versus PC. Windows 10 is just as good as Mac.

00:37:32.000 Yeah.

00:37:32.000 It's a little different, but it doesn't crash.

00:37:35.000 I'm not having any problems with it.

00:37:37.000 It works great.

00:37:38.000 But I'm not even going to lie.

00:37:39.000 I'm not going to be one of these people. 0.99

00:37:40.000 You know, like, Jamie's a fucking tech genius. 0.99

00:37:43.000 He's a wizard. 1.00

00:37:44.000 Yeah, he's a genius.

00:37:46.000 When someone says the excuse of, like, why do you have a Mac, and someone goes, well, dude, it's great for the arts, and it does this and this, I don't even lie.

00:37:52.000 I go, dude, I... Jeepers Creepers.

00:37:54.000 Jeepers Creepers. 0.77

00:37:54.000 No, he was in that, but it was another one. 0.77

00:37:56.000 It wasn't really good.

00:37:56.000 That was a good one.

00:37:58.000 That was a good one. 1.00

00:37:59.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:38:01.000 The guy who drove the old truck. 1.00

00:38:04.000 The mean devil guy with the wings that drove the old truck.

00:38:07.000 Loved it.

00:38:08.000 It probably made 18 bucks.

00:38:09.000 It was probably Joe's 18 bucks.

00:38:10.000 What was the other movie?

00:38:11.000 I thought you were thinking of Die Hard.

00:38:12.000 No, no, no.

00:38:13.000 He was in...

00:38:15.000 See, go to his...

00:38:18.000 You know that movie was good that he did?

00:38:19.000 The restaurant movie was pretty funny too.

00:38:21.000 Waiting was good.

00:38:22.000 He was definitely in a horror movie recently.

00:38:26.000 No, no, no.

00:38:26.000 Stop looking at images.

00:38:28.000 You're like a little kid with your fucking Instagram. 1.00

00:38:31.000 You can't look at real words. 1.00

00:38:33.000 Where's the picture of the movie he was in?

00:38:35.000 What is that right there?

00:38:37.000 What does that say?

00:38:39.000 Am I confusing him with somebody else?

00:38:41.000 Yeah, you gotta be.

00:38:42.000 There was some hell movie where he had to go to hell.

00:38:48.000 Drag Me to Hell or something like that?

00:38:50.000 I feel like Drag Me to Hell is a movie about a chick that was murdered and came back to life.

00:38:57.000 If that's the story, that's a great story.

00:38:59.000 I think that's what it was.

00:39:00.000 I never saw it.

00:39:00.000 He's in that though.

00:39:01.000 He's the boyfriend.

00:39:02.000 He is?

00:39:02.000 He's in that one too?

00:39:03.000 Yeah, he's the boyfriend.

00:39:04.000 Well, maybe that's the one you're talking about.

00:39:05.000 2009?

00:39:06.000 No.

00:39:06.000 That was just a year ago.

00:39:08.000 Let me see what it looks like.

00:39:12.000 Okay, that is it.

00:39:13.000 That is it. 1.00

00:39:14.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:39:15.000 I never saw this movie. 1.00

00:39:16.000 Okay, that is it.

00:39:18.000 It was like a witch. 0.62

00:39:21.000 Yep, that's it.

00:39:24.000 Clay Dalton.

00:39:25.000 There was another movie that sounded like Drag Me to Hell.

00:39:28.000 What is that? 0.97

00:39:29.000 Is that guy shoving his fist in her throat?

00:39:30.000 That was a good movie. 1.00

00:39:31.000 That was a good stupid movie. 1.00

00:39:33.000 That Drag Me to Hell movie. 1.00

00:39:34.000 That is what the name of it was.

00:39:35.000 I was right.

00:39:35.000 I was right, but I was confused.

00:39:37.000 There's a one with a woman, like there's a woman on the cover that looks like she's like a silhouette and she's screaming. 0.97

00:39:42.000 It's something about drag, maybe drag you to hell. 0.87

00:39:46.000 Is that what it is? 0.99

00:39:47.000 Drag Me to Hell. 0.98

00:39:48.000 It's another one. 0.98

00:39:48.000 Same movie. 0.98

00:39:50.000 Same movie.

00:39:50.000 Yeah, but that's not it.

00:39:52.000 You just named that.

00:39:53.000 I did.

00:39:53.000 You were like the woman screaming on the chair.

00:39:54.000 I did, I did, but that's not the same cover.

00:39:57.000 Joe painted it perfect.

00:39:58.000 He's like two houses in the back.

00:40:00.000 That's her. 0.88

00:40:01.000 That's not it.

00:40:02.000 No, there was another one.

00:40:03.000 I might have the name completely wrong for the movie, but it was about a woman. 1.00

00:40:08.000 See, this is hard because I didn't actually watch it, but it was about a woman who got killed and she came back and got the people who got her.

00:40:14.000 I don't know.

00:40:15.000 Sort of like High Plains Drifter.

00:40:16.000 Do you remember that?

00:40:17.000 Clint Eastwood.

00:40:18.000 Oh, yes.

00:40:19.000 He was killed. 1.00

00:40:19.000 He came back to life and fucked everybody up in the town. 1.00

00:40:22.000 Yeah, that's good. 0.99

00:40:23.000 Western horror movie.

00:40:24.000 Oh, yeah, Western horror, right.

00:40:25.000 But a sneaky Western horror movie.

00:40:26.000 Like, you don't really exactly know what's going on.

00:40:28.000 How come that's gone?

00:40:29.000 There's not a Western horror anymore. 1.00

00:40:30.000 Do they do shit like that? 0.99

00:40:31.000 What was the last Western horror you saw? 1.00

00:40:33.000 There was a Western UFO movie.

00:40:36.000 Cowboys and Aliens.

00:40:37.000 Remember that?

00:40:38.000 Yeah, but that's... 1.00

00:40:38.000 Is that a piece of shit? 1.00

00:40:39.000 I guess, you know what you could call now? 1.00

00:40:40.000 Like, you could do Western...

00:40:42.000 Like, No Country for Old Men could be like a western...

00:40:44.000 That was a horror movie. 0.99

00:40:45.000 That guy was a monster.

00:40:46.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:40:46.000 In a way. 0.98

00:40:47.000 I don't know if it's horror, but it's more like a...

00:40:49.000 Terror.

00:40:49.000 Yeah, terror.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, like a terror movie. 0.92

00:40:51.000 And that guy was a monster.

00:40:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:40:52.000 I mean, might as well have been a demon. 0.99

00:40:54.000 That movie was fucking awesome. 1.00

00:40:54.000 How good is that fucking actor? 1.00

00:40:56.000 What is that gentleman's name with the crazy hair? 1.00

00:40:58.000 The mop on his head?

00:41:00.000 Come on, what's wrong with me?

00:41:01.000 Sorry, what movie?

00:41:02.000 No Country for Old Men. 0.96

00:41:03.000 Oh, Javier Bardem.

00:41:04.000 Bardem, yeah.

00:41:05.000 He's so good.

00:41:06.000 He's a beast. 0.99

00:41:07.000 Like, you really believe that guy would murder people. 0.91

00:41:09.000 Well, you know when you look in some actor's eyes and you're like, oh, there's something real so inside of that? 1.00

00:41:12.000 He has that thing where you're like, oh, fuck. 0.99

00:41:14.000 You know, some actors just are like, oh, they're just playing a character. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Yeah, when they don't have it, it drives me nuts.

00:41:19.000 No, I know.

00:41:21.000 That guy. 1.00

00:41:21.000 Look at that shit! 1.00

00:41:22.000 Look at his fucking eyes. 1.00

00:41:23.000 Zoom in on his fucking eyes. 1.00

00:41:25.000 Zoom in on his eyes, Jamie. 1.00

00:41:26.000 What movie is this from?

00:41:27.000 I don't know.

00:41:27.000 Is that a new movie?

00:41:28.000 Might be.

00:41:28.000 Loving Pablo?

00:41:29.000 I don't know.

00:41:30.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:41:31.000 He looks exactly like him.

00:41:33.000 Did he gain a bunch of weight for that?

00:41:34.000 He's always been kind of a thick dude, though.

00:41:36.000 But look at the picture of him above on the blue shirt, right above that.

00:41:39.000 Yeah, that blue shirt.

00:41:40.000 He's kind of a thick dude.

00:41:41.000 Nah, not like that Pablo picture.

00:41:43.000 That Pablo picture looks like he's about 70 pounds heavier.

00:41:45.000 Look at that. 0.99

00:41:45.000 Look at how fucked that was. 0.99

00:41:46.000 Fucking psycho. 1.00

00:41:48.000 He was a good psycho. 1.00

00:41:49.000 That movie's a fucked up movie because it just ends. 0.99

00:41:51.000 Yeah, that's why... 0.99

00:41:52.000 No Country for Old Men, like, guess what? 0.59

00:41:53.000 Sometimes bad guys get away. 1.00

00:41:54.000 Fuck off. 1.00

00:41:55.000 What? 1.00

00:41:56.000 Coen Brothers. 0.98

00:41:57.000 It was Coen Brothers, wasn't it?

00:41:58.000 He was Frankenstein?

00:41:59.000 I think that says new Frankenstein.

00:42:01.000 Oh, he's the new Frankenstein?

00:42:02.000 They're doing all the new monster movies.

00:42:04.000 He's got bleached blonde hair. 0.95

00:42:06.000 It's gay Frankenstein. 1.00

00:42:08.000 That's what happens. 0.99

00:42:09.000 The guy dies on the operating table getting his cheeks done. 0.99

00:42:11.000 Gay Frankenstein! 1.00

00:42:13.000 Ah! 0.98

00:42:15.000 What is that?

00:42:16.000 He's taking his teeth out? 1.00

00:42:16.000 I came back to suck your dick. 1.00

00:42:20.000 Go to the picture above that. 1.00

00:42:22.000 He's got two dicks in his neck instead of bolts. 0.98

00:42:24.000 The tan suit above it. 0.99

00:42:26.000 Right there.

00:42:26.000 Tan suit.

00:42:26.000 Right there.

00:42:27.000 Yeah.

00:42:27.000 Look at that.

00:42:28.000 That's the gay Frankenstein. 1.00

00:42:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:30.000 Is he... 1.00

00:42:31.000 I'm going to sell you a house and kill you. 1.00

00:42:33.000 Oh, he's a Bond villain. 1.00

00:42:34.000 That's right.

00:42:34.000 He was a Bond villain.

00:42:35.000 Yeah, he was. 0.69

00:42:36.000 That dude's a beast. 0.85

00:42:37.000 I fall. 0.51

00:42:38.000 But the problem with a guy like that is every movie that he does that's goofy takes away from the way you see him if you see him in a movie like this.

00:42:49.000 Right.

00:42:49.000 Like, every movie, like, No Country for Old Men is so 100% legit that...

00:42:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:56.000 That if he does a Bond movie and he's in some stupid karate scene where he's gonna like throw sidekicks and the guy kicks him in the balls and he bends over and the guy uppercuts him and it looks corny as shit. 1.00

00:43:05.000 It takes away. 0.99

00:43:06.000 But there's like only so many actors that got away. 0.98

00:43:08.000 Like Daniel Day-Lewis is like the only dude that only did shit he wanted to do. 0.92

00:43:11.000 Yeah. 0.93

00:43:11.000 Almost everybody else does things where you're like, Why did you do that? 0.93

00:43:15.000 Right.

00:43:15.000 I mean, they all have to.

00:43:17.000 Well, nobody fucked it harder than De Niro. 0.96

00:43:19.000 De Niro did some of the greatest movies of all time. 0.98

00:43:23.000 And possibly the worst movies in the history of film.

00:43:25.000 And they've just done toilet water.

00:43:26.000 Yeah.

00:43:27.000 Just mostly toilet water ever since.

00:43:29.000 Did you see?

00:43:29.000 Did the Al Pacino Paterno thing come out yet?

00:43:32.000 When does that come out?

00:43:33.000 Have you seen that preview?

00:43:34.000 Oh, he's playing Joe Paterno?

00:43:35.000 Yes, dude.

00:43:36.000 Whoa.

00:43:37.000 Look at the picture.

00:43:38.000 He looks identical. 0.99

00:43:39.000 I mean, it's fucking creepy. 0.99

00:43:41.000 I wonder if they're gonna show that Joe Paterno knew those kids were getting molested. 0.99

00:43:46.000 Come on, dude.

00:43:47.000 Of course.

00:43:48.000 Of course he knew.

00:43:48.000 Look at that!

00:43:49.000 He looks fucking identical to him. 0.99

00:43:51.000 Dude, everybody knew. 1.00

00:43:52.000 The guy was a pervert. 1.00

00:43:53.000 He was running a fucking children's charity where he's taking care of kids. 1.00

00:43:57.000 I don't want to sound like one of those guys, but I don't give a shit. 1.00

00:44:00.000 I remember when it came out, I said to a bunch of people, he's going to die soon. 1.00

00:44:05.000 Within like a month, he'll die.

00:44:07.000 And sure enough, he died shortly thereafter, this whole thing. 0.56

00:44:09.000 Yeah, because I knew it was going to kill him.

00:44:10.000 Oh, God.

00:44:13.000 That Sandusky thing.

00:44:14.000 Yo, so in this scene right here in the trailer, he's saying his wife is like, his wife goes, uh, well, you know, he was, he was with so-and-so.

00:44:21.000 They're kids' names.

00:44:21.000 And he goes, he was with so-and-so?

00:44:23.000 Like, his own kids.

00:44:24.000 And then it hits him that he's like, he was watching them? 1.00

00:44:29.000 So then it hits him like, oh, fuck, maybe he, maybe fuck my kids. 1.00

00:44:33.000 It's insane. 1.00

00:44:34.000 Oh. 1.00

00:44:35.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:44:36.000 That wasn't that long ago. 1.00

00:44:37.000 No.

00:44:38.000 When was that Sandusky arrest?

00:44:41.000 2012-ish?

00:44:42.000 I was going to say probably 2013. The crazy thing is they've already gotten rid of all their sanctions and whatnot.

00:44:47.000 Penn State's already back all their penalties and whatnot.

00:44:50.000 Well, no, no, no.

00:44:50.000 I'll tell you what the real crazy thing is.

00:44:52.000 College money, baby!

00:44:53.000 The real crazy thing is the original investigator into Sandusky turned up murdered.

00:44:58.000 They found his laptop with a destroyed hard drive, and I think they never found his body. 0.99

00:45:05.000 I think he fucking vanished. 0.90

00:45:07.000 His trial was in 2012. 2012. Okay, so that was the trial. 0.99

00:45:11.000 So he was arrested in 2011. Find the guy who was the original investigator who either turned up missing or murdered in his laptop.

00:45:23.000 Was found with a destroyed hard drive. 0.95

00:45:26.000 Like, someone clearly got a hold of this guy and fucking iced him because he was gonna destroy Penn State. 0.90

00:45:33.000 I mean, he was gonna take down this multi-billion dollar industry. 0.92

00:45:38.000 What happened to Ray Gricar?

00:45:40.000 Wow.

00:45:41.000 See if you get the story.

00:45:43.000 Make it larger there so I can read it with my old eyes.

00:45:46.000 Ten years ago, a prosecutor in Center County, Pennsylvania took the day off work and vanished.

00:45:50.000 Since then, the case of Ray Gricar has been one of the most intriguing and...

00:45:54.000 I don't know if I'm saying his name right.

00:45:55.000 G-R-I-C-A-R. Gricar, it sounds right.

00:45:58.000 Gricar?

00:45:59.000 Gricar?

00:45:59.000 Gricar Noir.

00:46:00.000 Yeah.

00:46:00.000 It's one of the most intriguing and talked about missing person stories in the country.

00:46:04.000 Investigators have taken dives at the bottom of lakes, dug up a grave, chased more than 300 reported sightings from Arizona to North Carolina, dropped flyers all over Slovenia, consulted a psychic, interviewed a member of Hells Angels.

00:46:28.000 Oh, here's where the problem was.

00:46:33.000 He drove a red Mini Cooper.

00:46:35.000 Oh, well, a lot of those things just make people kill themselves.

00:46:38.000 As far as hard evidence goes, it's all the police have.

00:46:41.000 The best lead they got was a sighting of a woman who has not been identified.

00:46:46.000 But let's find out the conspiracy.

00:46:50.000 Because the conspiracy was that he was a part of the Sandusky investigation.

00:46:54.000 Prevailing theories.

00:46:55.000 None of this is saying any of that.

00:46:56.000 Said suicide.

00:46:57.000 Did you Google Sandusky?

00:46:58.000 There it is.

00:46:59.000 Okay.

00:46:59.000 2011, when Penn State Coordinator Jerry Sandusky got arrested and charged with sexually abusing boys, it was revealed that Dracar, who decided not to charge Sandusky when his first victim came forward in 1998. Hmm,

00:47:24.000 that's not what I've read in another story.

00:47:26.000 This guy's saying, I don't think it was a great stretch.

00:47:28.000 He was one of those guys with a very strong sense of justice and professional discipline in light of what evolved and came to be disclosed.

00:47:35.000 I speak as a forensic pathologist who's done so many suicides over the years.

00:47:38.000 And what can bring someone to that point?

00:47:40.000 It's pure conjecture, not based on any factual knowledge.

00:47:44.000 Hold on a second.

00:47:44.000 Go back up.

00:47:45.000 Stop scrolling.

00:47:46.000 It says, the forensic pathologist said he considered writing a book about your car, his ties to the Sandusky case, and whether or not it led to suicide.

00:47:54.000 So, he said there's not enough evidence.

00:47:56.000 You'd have found him.

00:47:57.000 When people kill themselves, they want to be found.

00:47:59.000 That's why they kill themselves.

00:48:00.000 Sometimes.

00:48:01.000 Most of the time. 0.98

00:48:01.000 Sometimes they just go in the woods and blow their brains out. 0.98

00:48:03.000 Then they find him in the fucking woods. 1.00

00:48:05.000 You don't. 1.00

00:48:06.000 He got rid of all that shit. 1.00

00:48:07.000 Do you know how many people disappear in the woods every year? 1.00

00:48:09.000 Thousands.

00:48:11.000 In North America.

00:48:12.000 But a guy this prominent in his work and in his life that has like that many...

00:48:15.000 He's got too many trails.

00:48:17.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:48:17.000 Manny Cooper.

00:48:18.000 That was it. 1.00

00:48:19.000 He's in that fucking thing. 1.00

00:48:20.000 He's like, I got a backpack and a bullet and I'm just gonna fucking hike deep enough to use all my water. 0.99

00:48:25.000 1,600 people go missing from our public lands without a trace. 0.99

00:48:28.000 Yeah, but a lot of those people are hiking and shit too. 0.97

00:48:30.000 Oh, that's not every year. 0.98

00:48:31.000 Okay, I'm wrong.

00:48:32.000 That's like ever.

00:48:34.000 I've been reading messages about this that this happens a lot or something.

00:48:38.000 Right, but that one was saying 1,600 people are missing.

00:48:41.000 You know what I'm getting?

00:48:42.000 Here's where I'm getting my information from.

00:48:44.000 How many people kill themselves outside?

00:48:45.000 Here's where I'm getting my information from.

00:48:47.000 Bobcat Goldthwait's movie about Bigfoot.

00:48:50.000 I just realized where I'm getting my numbers from.

00:48:52.000 Because he has a movie called Willow Creek.

00:48:55.000 And it's all about Bigfoot sightings.

00:48:57.000 That's why people are creeped up with the growing number of missing persons in our national park. 0.99

00:48:59.000 Yeah, but a lot of these people go fucking hiking. 0.99

00:49:01.000 They don't go to kill themselves. 1.00

00:49:02.000 That's just people being foolish. 0.99

00:49:03.000 Well, here's the thing, man. 0.99

00:49:04.000 A buddy of mine found a skull when he was elk hunting.

00:49:08.000 Human skull. 0.99

00:49:10.000 So how long does that have to be dead for to be fucking deteriorated like that? 0.99

00:49:13.000 It was deteriorated. 0.99

00:49:15.000 First of all, animals would get to it almost immediately.

00:49:17.000 They smell it.

00:49:18.000 Birds come down.

00:49:18.000 They start picking it apart.

00:49:19.000 Coyotes find it.

00:49:21.000 Everything finds it.

00:49:21.000 But to be cleaned down to the skull, that's got to be a long time.

00:49:23.000 Quick.

00:49:24.000 Really?

00:49:24.000 Yeah, you'd be surprised.

00:49:26.000 Wow.

00:49:26.000 They'll clean you down to nothing in a couple of days.

00:49:28.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:49:29.000 You'd be down to bones in days. 1.00

00:49:30.000 Like, that happens all...

00:49:31.000 If there's a population of animals that are scavengers that are near your body...

00:49:35.000 Dude, a buddy of mine shot a deer, okay?

00:49:38.000 And it wasn't the best shot in the world, so he decided to let the deer bed down to die.

00:49:45.000 Like, sometimes you'll hit the deer in one lung or something like that.

00:49:47.000 It wasn't the best shot.

00:49:48.000 And the deer bed down, and it was dark.

00:49:50.000 It was getting dark.

00:49:51.000 Like, he shot it at last light, where you're legally allowed to shoot.

00:49:55.000 So they said, we're gonna come back in the morning, because it's 30 degrees outside, the meat would be fine.

00:49:59.000 They go back in the morning, there's nothing left.

00:50:02.000 Gone. 1.00

00:50:02.000 The coyotes ate everything except the fucking head. 1.00

00:50:06.000 Like, I mean everything. 1.00

00:50:08.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:50:08.000 Like, he didn't get any of the rib meat, all the organs were gone, the legs were gone, chewed down to the bone. 0.99

00:50:13.000 He said he'd never seen anything like it.

00:50:15.000 300-pound mule deer.

00:50:17.000 It's a big animal.

00:50:18.000 Gone.

00:50:19.000 He said he saw like six or seven coyotes that day, so he knew that coyotes were in the area.

00:50:24.000 Yeah.

00:50:24.000 But you just take a chance.

00:50:25.000 You just like, you could do one of two things.

00:50:26.000 Either you bump the animal, which means you go and it gets filled up with adrenaline because it knows you're coming close to it, and then it runs.

00:50:33.000 And then they can run for a mile before they expire.

00:50:35.000 Or you just let it bed down there peacefully.

00:50:37.000 It'll just lay down and die. 0.90

00:50:38.000 So that's what his choice was. 0.60

00:50:40.000 Just let it lay down and die when the coyotes got to it. 1.00

00:50:42.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:50:43.000 Dude, 300-pound animal. 1.00

00:50:45.000 Seven, eight coyotes, whatever it was that did it.

00:50:48.000 Maybe they called. 0.99

00:50:48.000 Maybe other ones came from fucking half a mile away. 0.99

00:50:51.000 Yo, there's this deer this guy left. 1.00

00:50:54.000 There's a fucking fresh deer over here! 0.99

00:50:56.000 It's Mike! 1.00

00:50:56.000 It's Mike from the Westwoods! 1.00

00:50:58.000 Yeah, I think he was in an area with no wolves, so I think it was just...

00:51:02.000 All coyotes?

00:51:02.000 Just coyotes.

00:51:03.000 The coyotes out here in L.A. are so small.

00:51:07.000 They're like little tiny house dogs.

00:51:08.000 They're weird, man. 1.00

00:51:09.000 Yeah, the little, like, bitch, frail, weird, like, where I golf up in the mountain up there, they're all the time. 1.00

00:51:14.000 And they sit and they wait for you to pass before they can, like, cross, you know, through the fairway and stuff. 0.99

00:51:18.000 But they're like little house dogs.

00:51:20.000 They're like 15-pound house dogs.

00:51:21.000 We are lucky those things are here.

00:51:23.000 This is the truth because if they weren't here, there'd be rats everywhere.

00:51:27.000 Yeah, they eat everything. 1.00

00:51:28.000 Those motherfuckers keep the rats in check. 1.00

00:51:30.000 They keep the rabbits in check. 1.00

00:51:31.000 There's a system.

00:51:32.000 There's an ecological system.

00:51:34.000 And it makes us uncomfortable because we don't like to think about our own mortality and something that wants to eat us.

00:51:39.000 Right.

00:51:39.000 But I like coyotes.

00:51:40.000 I like them.

00:51:41.000 I had a chance to kill a coyote that killed one of my chickens.

00:51:44.000 But I'm pretty sure that she had puppies. 0.90

00:51:48.000 Or cubs, I guess they would be.

00:51:49.000 Cubs, yeah.

00:51:50.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure she had...

00:51:51.000 That chicken could have had it coming, too, you know?

00:51:53.000 Didn't.

00:51:53.000 Could have run its miles.

00:51:54.000 Any chicken has it coming.

00:51:55.000 How about that?

00:51:56.000 Yeah.

00:51:57.000 It's bound to go down, man. 0.87

00:51:58.000 You're a chicken, you have it coming.

00:52:00.000 My daughter's got rabbits. 1.00

00:52:01.000 I'm gonna eat your kids, and I'm gonna eat you. 1.00

00:52:02.000 My daughter's got rabbits. 1.00

00:52:04.000 Oh, we're gonna take care of it.

00:52:05.000 You're not gonna take care of it.

00:52:06.000 You're gonna play with those things twice, and then you're gonna leave them alone.

00:52:09.000 No, no, we're gonna take care of it.

00:52:11.000 Of course they don't take care of it. 0.99

00:52:12.000 They don't give a fuck about those rabbits because they have a dog. 1.00

00:52:14.000 The dog's like, hey, how are you? 0.99

00:52:17.000 It's so good to see you.

00:52:19.000 Oh, he lies down.

00:52:20.000 They rub his belly. 0.52

00:52:21.000 He gives him kisses.

00:52:22.000 He runs around in circles.

00:52:24.000 You throw something.

00:52:24.000 He chases it.

00:52:25.000 It's way better.

00:52:26.000 Rabbit.

00:52:27.000 Nothing.

00:52:27.000 The rabbit just sits there.

00:52:28.000 You go near it, it bites your finger. 1.00

00:52:30.000 Oh, you cunt. 1.00

00:52:31.000 Throw that fucking thing. 1.00

00:52:32.000 But anyway, the rabbit, they live in the chicken coop. 1.00

00:52:35.000 It's a big-ass chicken coop. 0.99

00:52:36.000 And they follow the chickens around. 1.00

00:52:38.000 And today, one of the rabbits was trying to eat the other chicken's ass. 1.00

00:52:41.000 And so he's just following around, literally with his little rabbit face buried in this chicken's asshole. 1.00

00:52:47.000 And this chicken's trying to get away. 1.00

00:52:49.000 But kind of liking it.

00:52:50.000 The chicken's like...

00:52:51.000 And the rabbit's just bouncing around, shoving its... 0.98

00:52:53.000 I mean nose to asshole all around the entire chicken cage for like five minutes. 0.99

00:53:00.000 It was so ridiculous. 0.99

00:53:01.000 There's a subcategory on Pornhub for that. 0.99

00:53:03.000 There's got to be chicken rabbit porno.

00:53:04.000 There probably is.

00:53:06.000 It's probably anime though.

00:53:07.000 Yes, yes. 0.75

00:53:08.000 There's like anime subcategories of porn. 1.00

00:53:11.000 Dude, some of the anime shit that I stumble upon is so fucking... 0.99

00:53:14.000 Like the tentacle stuff is the stuff that freaks me out the most. 0.99

00:53:17.000 It's weird.

00:53:17.000 People love...

00:53:18.000 I don't know who likes watching a girl get fucked by like 19 tentacles, like jamming her eyeballs in her mouth and her butthole in her ears and shit. 1.00

00:53:25.000 People jerk off to that. 1.00

00:53:26.000 A lot of them started off with Japanese for some reason. 0.99

00:53:30.000 Somebody gave me an explanation.

00:53:31.000 Why Japanese dudes like that? 1.00

00:53:33.000 Yeah, I think the explanation is that Japanese porn, you're not allowed to show actual penetration. 0.99

00:53:39.000 Insertion. 0.99

00:53:39.000 Yeah, you can't. 0.99

00:53:39.000 It blurs. 0.99

00:53:40.000 You can't even show cartoon dicks going into vaginas, but you can show tentacles. 1.00

00:53:46.000 Oh shit, that makes sense. 1.00

00:53:47.000 So the fact that tentacles look remotely similar to dicks, they've decided to just go with tentacles and your mouth and spits flying out of your mouth. 1.00

00:53:57.000 And they can't show jizz, but they can show tentacle juice. 0.99

00:54:00.000 You know what they can show?

00:54:02.000 Where the jizz is all pixelated.

00:54:04.000 Like you can see the jizz through a prism.

00:54:05.000 Dancing jizz pixelation?

00:54:07.000 You can't see the actual HD 4K jizz.

00:54:12.000 That would be too much.

00:54:15.000 When I was a kid, you couldn't have hard-ons in porn magazines.

00:54:19.000 They didn't have hard-ons. 1.00

00:54:20.000 All the dudes had to have, like, limp dicks. 0.99

00:54:22.000 What? 0.99

00:54:23.000 It was a law.

00:54:24.000 It was a federal law.

00:54:25.000 You better put that...

00:54:27.000 You better get that thing soft.

00:54:28.000 I'm dead serious. 0.99

00:54:29.000 Like, these guys had half-hard dicks. 0.99

00:54:30.000 They were always, like, half-hard. 0.99

00:54:32.000 And it was so confusing. 1.00

00:54:34.000 Because you'd be a little kid, your dick would be like a fucking total ball. 1.00

00:54:36.000 What's wrong with mine? 1.00

00:54:37.000 And you'd be so horny.

00:54:40.000 And you'd be looking at this magazine, and you're like, this guy's right there!

00:54:43.000 And he's not even horny.

00:54:44.000 He's right next to him.

00:54:45.000 He's, like, barely interested.

00:54:48.000 There was a lot! 0.99

00:54:49.000 But they had to have good limp dicks. 1.00

00:54:51.000 That's the trick, right? 0.99

00:54:51.000 See, that's what's funny. 0.99

00:54:53.000 You couldn't have a mushroom capped limp.

00:54:54.000 See, I'm a grower, not a shower.

00:54:56.000 Yeah, you'd have to have a real hog, like a heavy one.

00:54:59.000 I'm nice when I'm thick, but when I'm soft, I can't be in the magazine soft. 0.99

00:55:01.000 I had a bit about it before, that the girl would be like, her mouth would be open, lipstick, and her lips purse and her tongue hanging out, and the dude would have his limp dick resting on her back like a drowning victim he pulled from a lake. 0.98

00:55:14.000 It was just like, what is this? 0.99

00:55:17.000 What?

00:55:17.000 Couldn't you just take the time to get a hard-on before we took these pictures, man?

00:55:21.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:55:21.000 I think that's so weird that that's a law. 1.00

00:55:23.000 That's how fucking, that's how crazy standards and practices of certain companies are. 0.99

00:55:26.000 It's like, listen, we'll let you show penises, but they can't be filled with blood. 1.00

00:55:29.000 I don't believe it's standards and practices. 0.97

00:55:32.000 I think it was a federal law.

00:55:34.000 But why would, what would be the difference of showing...

00:55:35.000 Well, this is pre-VHS tapes. 0.96

00:55:37.000 Once VHS tapes came along, then people got to watch actual hard dicks. 0.98

00:55:41.000 Porno and everything. 0.98

00:55:41.000 There was like a loophole. 0.98

00:55:42.000 There was a loophole that existed.

00:55:44.000 Right.

00:55:44.000 Because the pornographic magazines, they weren't allowed to show insertion, and they weren't allowed to show erections.

00:55:50.000 So it was this weird sort of thing. 0.99

00:55:52.000 And wasn't there a time they couldn't show the lips of a vagina? 1.00

00:55:54.000 They had to be covered up by hair, right? 0.99

00:55:56.000 It was something like that.

00:55:57.000 They couldn't show...

00:55:58.000 Hustler always did, though.

00:55:59.000 I think...

00:56:00.000 Well, they were the first one to do it.

00:56:01.000 Playboy never did.

00:56:02.000 Playboy always had bush.

00:56:03.000 Playboy would have, like, you'd barely see bush.

00:56:06.000 You know, you'd see...

00:56:07.000 Like a shadow of a bush.

00:56:08.000 Like girls looking pretty. 0.98

00:56:10.000 Whereas Hustler was like, let me watch you piss. 1.00

00:56:12.000 Shit on this guy's chest! 1.00

00:56:14.000 Piss in her face! 1.00

00:56:15.000 Page one! 1.00

00:56:16.000 Fist your asshole! 1.00

00:56:17.000 Come on! 1.00

00:56:18.000 It was a different thing.

00:56:20.000 But when we would find these magazines...

00:56:24.000 In the woods, by the way.

00:56:25.000 Always in the woods.

00:56:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:27.000 I have a whole bit that's based on a true story about finding...

00:56:30.000 Isn't that what Larry Flint's, like, trials are kind of about?

00:56:32.000 I think so.

00:56:33.000 I think some of them were about that.

00:56:35.000 Yeah, but, see, obscenity is one of those weird things.

00:56:38.000 And I know we attributed it to Vincent Scalia, but people corrected me.

00:56:42.000 Judge Scalia, is that his name?

00:56:44.000 But it's not him.

00:56:45.000 Scalia?

00:56:46.000 Scalia, that guy.

00:56:47.000 It's not him that said this.

00:56:48.000 It's another guy who said this.

00:56:50.000 I don't know what pornography is, but I know it when I see it.

00:56:53.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:56:55.000 There's another version of that, too, that's like, I don't know what blank is, but I know it when I see it.

00:56:58.000 There's probably a few of those that erroneously attributed to people, but there's a guy named Max Hardcore.

00:57:05.000 Do you remember that guy?

00:57:06.000 The porn actor? 0.62

00:57:07.000 Yes.

00:57:08.000 That guy went to jail for obscenity and he did hard time and he had some hard to watch stuff like he had some some stuff you're like wait a minute what like i found out about it because people weren't like hey man this is the great stuff to jerk off to right they were like what you gotta watch this what in the is this right this guy used a speculum to open this girl's up i'm interested he pissed in her and then he put a straw and made her drink his piss out of

00:57:38.000 her own I gotta get out of here for a second. 1.00

00:57:40.000 I gotta go finish up.

00:57:43.000 But it was like... 0.95

00:57:44.000 There was a lot of like really, really fucked up stuff. 0.68

00:57:48.000 There's a website that bases... 0.98

00:57:49.000 Do you know eFucked?

00:57:50.000 Do you ever heard of that? 0.93

00:57:50.000 Mm-hmm. 0.93

00:57:51.000 Yeah.

00:57:51.000 That's all they do.

00:57:52.000 It's fucked up, crazy... 1.00

00:57:53.000 Like, there's nothing sexual about it. 1.00

00:57:55.000 Right.

00:57:55.000 It's just like defacing somebody.

00:57:57.000 It's just fucked. 1.00

00:57:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:58.000 But the point is that this guy went to jail for that. 1.00

00:58:00.000 Like...

00:58:01.000 Nobody else.

00:58:02.000 Larry Flynn almost did.

00:58:03.000 Primed to battle obscenity charges in Connecticut.

00:58:06.000 In Cincinnati, rather.

00:58:07.000 That's in 1998, though.

00:58:09.000 25 years in prison.

00:58:10.000 Wow.

00:58:11.000 That's incredible. 0.95

00:58:12.000 Porn magnate and hustle publisher Larry Flynn. 0.98

00:58:14.000 Wow, that's crazy. 0.78

00:58:15.000 Oh, wait a minute.

00:58:16.000 The same locale where a judge and jury sentenced him to 25 years in prison more than 20 years ago.

00:58:21.000 Yeah, he did.

00:58:22.000 So, did he actually go to jail?

00:58:24.000 I don't think so.

00:58:24.000 I don't think he served time.

00:58:26.000 I don't think he actually served time, but yeah.

00:58:27.000 Wow!

00:58:28.000 He was living in Columbus, where I'm from, and he set up his big house, which he, from what I heard, he had planned on making it like a Playboy Mansion type place, and it was right next door to the Columbus School for Girls, and I think that caused some of the first problems for him.

00:58:41.000 Well, he was just prospects.

00:58:42.000 That's just smart.

00:58:42.000 That's just smart real estate.

00:58:44.000 Yeah, it's a good place to, if you're going to be a duck hunter, you get a house near a lake.

00:58:48.000 Yeah, man.

00:58:49.000 It's not just setting up shop, dude.

00:58:51.000 Just learning the territory.

00:58:53.000 Location, location, location.

00:58:55.000 Yeah, if you're a coyote, you know where the cats live.

00:58:57.000 Right. 0.95

00:58:58.000 That's like perverts that get into selling ice cream to kids. 0.91

00:59:01.000 It's like, you can't blame them.

00:59:02.000 That's very intuitive.

00:59:03.000 Well, it's like people...

00:59:04.000 Think of that and to dismiss that, that's not a big deal, like the Larry Flint hustler thing.

00:59:09.000 That's a very big deal.

00:59:10.000 Yeah, huge.

00:59:11.000 It's a very big deal.

00:59:11.000 They were trying to push this guy in jail for something that people enjoyed buying.

00:59:16.000 Yeah, people bought it.

00:59:16.000 Yeah.

00:59:17.000 They liked it.

00:59:18.000 They went for it.

00:59:19.000 You got a hustler?

00:59:19.000 Yeah.

00:59:19.000 You got a hustler?

00:59:20.000 What do you have? 0.65

00:59:20.000 You know? 0.65

00:59:21.000 Guy's got his hand in his pants.

00:59:22.000 Got a hustler?

00:59:23.000 Playing pocket pool.

00:59:24.000 Hustler?

00:59:25.000 Like, they like it.

00:59:26.000 They want to buy his product.

00:59:27.000 And you're like, no, you can't like it. 1.00

00:59:29.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:59:30.000 It's my favorite thing in the world. 1.00

00:59:32.000 You can't tell me what I like.

00:59:33.000 Too bad.

00:59:33.000 Yeah, I mean, this wasn't that long ago, man.

00:59:36.000 Think about that.

00:59:36.000 98. That's 20 years ago.

00:59:39.000 That's crazy.

00:59:40.000 20 years ago, the guy almost went to jail.

00:59:41.000 I remember going with my dad to the movie rental place by his house, and they had one of those back rooms.

00:59:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:46.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:47.000 Saloon doors, gotta kick them in. 0.96

00:59:48.000 Yeah.

00:59:48.000 And as a kid, my dad would be like, where are you going?

00:59:51.000 I was like, I was looking at a section over here.

00:59:53.000 And then he'd be on the other side and he'd try to sneak in to take a peep at even the boxes.

00:59:57.000 And then they got smart, so they'd put covers over the boxes.

01:00:00.000 So you'd have to move a thing back to see what the box was.

01:00:02.000 Well, the thing, the weird feeling was when you would go through those beads and you would be in that room with those other perverts.

01:00:08.000 And you're all just super uncomfortable to be near each other.

01:00:12.000 We're all going to be doing the same thing in 20 minutes.

01:00:15.000 One time I went to an actual porn store.

01:00:18.000 What do you mean?

01:00:19.000 Like a hardcore store.

01:00:20.000 It was like XXX videos. 1.00

01:00:23.000 Yeah, like a shop and shit? 0.99

01:00:24.000 Yeah, like a shop. 0.99

01:00:25.000 Like they sold dildos and videos.

01:00:27.000 Right.

01:00:27.000 And that's all they sold.

01:00:29.000 Like, let's stop pretending. 1.00

01:00:30.000 Let's cut the shit! 1.00

01:00:31.000 Cut it out. 1.00

01:00:31.000 We're not going to go to the back room of a mom and pop store where it says adults only. 1.00

01:00:36.000 No.

01:00:36.000 No, this is like the whole store.

01:00:38.000 And you just felt so weird.

01:00:41.000 And the guy behind the counter was talking to me like, hey man, what's up?

01:00:43.000 I'm like, hi. 0.99

01:00:45.000 You can't fucking talk to me. 1.00

01:00:47.000 I'm uncomfortable that you guys have sexual urges. 1.00

01:00:49.000 You guys are all creeps. 0.99

01:00:51.000 Not me.

01:00:51.000 I'm different.

01:00:52.000 That's why I have to get out of here.

01:00:53.000 Every guy in there.

01:00:54.000 I'm not like these guys. 1.00

01:00:55.000 Fucking the other guys in there are disgusting. 1.00

01:00:57.000 But that's so annoying when they try to talk to you. 1.00

01:00:58.000 There's one here in West Hollywood that's like a sex store. 0.91

01:01:01.000 And the guy was being really friendly.

01:01:03.000 And he's like, hey, so what's going on?

01:01:04.000 It's like...

01:01:06.000 You know what's going on, dude.

01:01:07.000 This isn't Target.

01:01:08.000 I'm not maybe here for a vacuum or greeting cards.

01:01:10.000 Yeah, we're not at a fly tying shop. 1.00

01:01:12.000 I'm here for porno shit. 1.00

01:01:13.000 I'm here for weird porno shit. 1.00

01:01:14.000 Just let me get the thing and stop making me feel weird. 0.99

01:01:16.000 You're not selling fish and tackle.

01:01:17.000 You're going to tell me about the best spots.

01:01:19.000 Now, these bobbers are pretty good, man, but those dildos will do the trick. 0.99

01:01:22.000 I'll tell you what, if you're just willing to take the drive to Sacramento, the fucking salmon fishing is off the chain. 0.99

01:01:28.000 Anyway, $42 for this anal bead. 1.00

01:01:30.000 Here you go. 0.99

01:01:30.000 What? 0.99

01:01:32.000 $42. 0.94

01:01:32.000 If we sold bait and tackle and anal beads, that'd be great. 0.94

01:01:36.000 Bait and tackle and anal beads. 1.00

01:01:38.000 Fishing and fucking. 1.00

01:01:39.000 That's what the name of the place would be called. 1.00

01:01:41.000 I like to fish, I like to fuck. 1.00

01:01:42.000 That's why I opened up this shop, dude. 1.00

01:01:44.000 It's called fishing and fucking. 0.99

01:01:49.000 That would almost work. 1.00

01:01:51.000 That would totally work.

01:01:52.000 Totally work.

01:01:53.000 But the problem is nobody buys things from a store anymore. 0.99

01:01:56.000 You could just go order a big fucking dildo online. 0.99

01:01:59.000 You get it shipped to your house in one day with Amazon Prime. 1.00

01:02:02.000 Prime, same day.

01:02:03.000 If you get it early enough.

01:02:04.000 This is a legitimate question. 0.95

01:02:06.000 I'm not playing stupid. 0.95

01:02:07.000 Does Amazon sell Master Bait and Tackle? 0.97

01:02:10.000 Our competition.

01:02:11.000 These guys just beat around the bush. 1.00

01:02:13.000 We're fishing and fucking. 1.00

01:02:14.000 Fishing and fucking, dude. 1.00

01:02:15.000 You can masturbate all you want. 1.00

01:02:16.000 I'd rather fuck. 1.00

01:02:17.000 Rather fuck. 1.00

01:02:18.000 You don't know what the fuck you're talking about over here. 1.00

01:02:20.000 You're gonna fuck your own hand? 1.00

01:02:21.000 I'm gonna have somebody else fuck it. 1.00

01:02:23.000 Does Amazon sell rubber dicks? 1.00

01:02:25.000 Gotta.

01:02:25.000 They must.

01:02:26.000 Gotta.

01:02:27.000 Jamie, how many of you ordered from them?

01:02:28.000 Don't lie.

01:02:29.000 He's like, yes, of course.

01:02:30.000 I used to work for a company that did that, so I'm sure they'd sell them on Amazon. 0.54

01:02:33.000 That sold rubber dicks?

01:02:34.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:02:34.000 You know who sometimes sends me rubber dicks for fun when I ask? 0.97

01:02:37.000 Fleshlight, those people at Fleshlight in Austin when I was doing Moon Tower years ago.

01:02:41.000 I befriended a few of the people there, and they were like, we'll send you some stuff. 0.91

01:02:44.000 So they sent me a few of the fleshlights, but they also sent me bags of dicks. 0.99

01:02:47.000 Bags of dicks. 0.99

01:02:48.000 Rubber dicks on Amazon. 0.99

01:02:49.000 There you go. 0.99

01:02:50.000 You can buy a bunch of rubber dicks. 0.99

01:02:51.000 You can get off. 1.00

01:02:51.000 Do they have rubber vaginas, or are they discriminatory and anti-male in their practices? 1.00

01:02:58.000 Come on, you fucks. 1.00

01:02:59.000 I don't see a single rubber vagina. 1.00

01:03:01.000 Yep. 1.00

01:03:02.000 Sexist bullshit. 1.00

01:03:03.000 Of course. 1.00

01:03:03.000 Because that would be objectifying. 1.00

01:03:05.000 Spank bank.

01:03:06.000 Spank bank.

01:03:07.000 What is that?

01:03:07.000 It's just an actual bank.

01:03:09.000 Just poorly named bank.

01:03:10.000 It says Fleshlight.

01:03:11.000 Daylight parody.

01:03:12.000 Oh, it's like a book.

01:03:15.000 Looks like a book.

01:03:16.000 What did you type in, Jamie?

01:03:17.000 Oh, it's a song.

01:03:18.000 Fleshlight. 1.00

01:03:18.000 Type in men's sex toy. 1.00

01:03:20.000 Do men's sex toy. 1.00

01:03:21.000 See if that does it. 0.99

01:03:22.000 Fleshlight was our original sponsor.

01:03:25.000 The first sponsor of this podcast was a flashlight.

01:03:27.000 Look at that.

01:03:27.000 Just pills.

01:03:27.000 Nothing.

01:03:28.000 Ginseng. 0.74

01:03:28.000 Rubber dicks all day long. 0.74

01:03:30.000 That's a rubber dick. 1.00

01:03:31.000 Is that a rubber dick to put your dick inside of? 1.00

01:03:33.000 That's a sleeve. 1.00

01:03:33.000 That's a extender. 1.00

01:03:34.000 You put your dick inside of another dick? 1.00

01:03:36.000 Penis extender. 1.00

01:03:37.000 It says delay ejaculation. 1.00

01:03:40.000 Oh, there you go.

01:03:40.000 Wait, there you go.

01:03:40.000 Male simulator.

01:03:42.000 Aircraft cup.

01:03:43.000 Hmm, but look how they say it.

01:03:44.000 Male simulator.

01:03:45.000 Young girls, male toys, adult products.

01:03:48.000 They got every tag. 0.99

01:03:49.000 Scroll back up to that dick one. 0.99

01:03:50.000 Look at this. 0.99

01:03:51.000 Look what it says. 0.68

01:03:52.000 It says, delay ejaculation.

01:03:54.000 Yeah, like forever. 0.71

01:03:56.000 Like you'll never come. 0.69

01:03:57.000 You're not having sex. 0.59

01:03:58.000 Do you want to stop coming? 0.88

01:03:59.000 Put this on. 1.00

01:04:00.000 It's a big, clear, fake dick that goes over your dick. 1.00

01:04:03.000 Have this guy Steve come kick you in the cock. 1.00

01:04:05.000 You won't come for hours. 1.00

01:04:07.000 That's a fucking rough road for a dude with a tiny dick. 1.00

01:04:10.000 If you have a micro dick, there's not a goddamn thing. 1.00

01:04:13.000 The micropenising? 1.00

01:04:14.000 There's nothing they can do.

01:04:15.000 How real is that though?

01:04:16.000 It's real.

01:04:16.000 Is it real?

01:04:17.000 100%.

01:04:18.000 You're so funny.

01:04:19.000 How real is that?

01:04:20.000 Well, how many people have micro-penises?

01:04:22.000 For real.

01:04:22.000 I think it's a real issue.

01:04:23.000 Guys have like one-inch dicks. 0.99

01:04:25.000 I think it's a real issue. 1.00

01:04:26.000 An inch when it's filled with blood.

01:04:27.000 Rock hard.

01:04:28.000 Hard.

01:04:28.000 That's an inch.

01:04:29.000 Rock hard, you got this. 1.00

01:04:31.000 That's their penis. 1.00

01:04:32.000 That's the whole dick. 1.00

01:04:32.000 Not even my full finger. 1.00

01:04:33.000 No, your full finger's bigger than an inch.

01:04:35.000 My full finger's too big. 1.00

01:04:35.000 Because a lot of guys are seeing this right now and going, my dick is that big, Joe. 1.00

01:04:38.000 That's fine. 1.00

01:04:39.000 The girls don't care about size, bro. 1.00

01:04:41.000 That's not what it matters. 1.00

01:04:42.000 That's what they say to guys with little dicks. 1.00

01:04:44.000 They go, it's fine. 1.00

01:04:45.000 I love it.

01:04:45.000 I like it.

01:04:46.000 I don't care.

01:04:46.000 I don't care, really.

01:04:48.000 So you're saying this is a man, half of that, that's a man's penis. 1.00

01:04:51.000 The crazy thing is girls have no problem mocking it. 1.00

01:04:53.000 They would just mock it.

01:04:54.000 They'll mock it in front of their friends, in front of you. 1.00

01:04:56.000 Like guys with little dicks. 1.00

01:04:57.000 It's just, I couldn't fucking do it. 1.00

01:05:00.000 I couldn't do it. 0.98

01:05:02.000 Well, because you can't retort. 1.00

01:05:03.000 You can't be like, your pussy's big. 1.00

01:05:04.000 But if a guy did talk like that, he would be a monster. 1.00

01:05:07.000 Like a guy was talking about a giant pussy. 1.00

01:05:09.000 Yo, dude, I had a breakup, but my balls would fall in. 1.00

01:05:12.000 I'd be fucking, I'd be strapping a two by four to my ass. 1.00

01:05:15.000 No, see, I was laughing. 1.00

01:05:16.000 Just to keep from getting sucked into the void.

01:05:18.000 One man's life with a micro-penis reveals about the human...

01:05:21.000 Only 0.6% of the population.

01:05:23.000 See, it's...

01:05:23.000 That's enough.

01:05:24.000 That's enough.

01:05:25.000 Dude, that's...

01:05:26.000 If you have 100 people, that means what?

01:05:28.000 How many people is that?

01:05:29.000 Less than one.

01:05:30.000 Not even one.

01:05:31.000 No.

01:05:31.000 0.6.

01:05:32.000 Yeah, 0.6.

01:05:33.000 So 200 people, you have one.

01:05:34.000 1.2.

01:05:36.000 That's a lot.

01:05:38.000 200 people?

01:05:38.000 Six out of a thousand.

01:05:39.000 So if you're at the comedy store...

01:05:40.000 Six out of a thousand, that's right.

01:05:42.000 If you're at the comedy store, there's two people in the room on a full house on Saturday night that have micro-dicks.

01:05:46.000 One guy has a micro-dick. 0.53

01:05:47.000 Well, you've got to think it's 50-50 men-women, so one guy in that room has a micro-dick.

01:05:50.000 So if you make a joke about a micro-dick, one guy's like, No! 0.95

01:05:55.000 But the joke before, he loved so much, he's still laughing, but in his head he's like, oh no. 1.00

01:05:59.000 Thought you were great when you're shitting on giant pussies. 1.00

01:06:02.000 This guy's the best. 1.00

01:06:03.000 I love the major pussy jokes. 1.00

01:06:05.000 They're too big. 1.00

01:06:06.000 Pussies are just too big. 1.00

01:06:07.000 It's all my dick is small. 1.00

01:06:08.000 And they are too big. 0.99

01:06:09.000 My dick doesn't get in the way. 1.00

01:06:10.000 It's perfect. 1.00

01:06:11.000 If when I have to urinate, it's there for me.

01:06:13.000 But that's crazy to think if a girl dates a guy with a micropenis and she just sticks around because she's like, well, he's a good dude. 0.52

01:06:19.000 Well, I know a lady who had a few chillin'. 1.00

01:06:23.000 She had three chillin'.

01:06:25.000 With a micropenis guy?

01:06:26.000 No. 1.00

01:06:26.000 With a regular penis guy. 1.00

01:06:28.000 He's a handsome fellow. 1.00

01:06:28.000 I'm sure he has quite a sturdy cock. 1.00

01:06:30.000 Probably like an axe handle. 1.00

01:06:32.000 Hefty.

01:06:33.000 He looks like he's a Viking. 0.75

01:06:34.000 But anyway, those kids had blown a hole through the old carport, and so she decided to get everything all stitched up.

01:06:42.000 She said it was the most painful thing that she'd ever done.

01:06:45.000 Totally.

01:06:45.000 More painful even than childbirth, because they go in there and cut.

01:06:49.000 I'll say that again.

01:06:51.000 They cut.

01:06:53.000 They cut. 1.00

01:06:55.000 And then they stitch that bitch up till like a finger gets broken when you put it in there. 1.00

01:07:01.000 It's like tighter than anal. 1.00

01:07:03.000 And unbelievably painful. 0.99

01:07:06.000 I can't even.

01:07:07.000 Strap yourself in. 0.84

01:07:08.000 Numb.

01:07:09.000 What?

01:07:09.000 Numb.

01:07:10.000 Numb.

01:07:10.000 It goes numb.

01:07:11.000 Because, like, you ever have surgery?

01:07:13.000 When they cut all those nerves, a lot of times they...

01:07:16.000 Nerve damage.

01:07:16.000 Yeah.

01:07:17.000 Like, my knee.

01:07:18.000 I had an ACL reconstruction on one of my knees with what's called a patella tendon graft.

01:07:23.000 They open you up.

01:07:24.000 They take a big, like, four-inch slice.

01:07:27.000 They open you up and they take a piece of your patella tendon and screw all these things and stitch it back up. 0.98

01:07:32.000 That whole area, I had that thing done in, like, fuck, 1994. It's still numb. 0.98

01:07:38.000 My knee is numb.

01:07:40.000 None of the nerves have repaired.

01:07:41.000 No, not over where the incision is.

01:07:44.000 I'm touching it right now.

01:07:46.000 Literally, it feels like someone stuck Novocaine in it.

01:07:48.000 I can touch to the left, I feel it.

01:07:50.000 I touch to the right, I feel it.

01:07:51.000 I touch right where that scar tissue is, it's numb.

01:07:53.000 Nothing. 1.00

01:07:54.000 Your pussy can go numb too, bro. 1.00

01:07:56.000 My pussy will never go numb. 1.00

01:07:57.000 Bro, your pussy can go numb, bro. 1.00

01:08:00.000 Fishing and fucking, your pussy might go numb. 1.00

01:08:02.000 Yeah, well fishing and fucking, you just gotta have a beer can size hog to fill that gapper. 1.00

01:08:08.000 You gotta gapper. 1.00

01:08:09.000 A tall boy. 1.00

01:08:10.000 I can't imagine the pain of that shit. 1.00

01:08:11.000 The only thing that I know the most painful thing I ever had was when they stick a fucking tube in your dick hole when they're fucking testing you for shit and they fucking shove a tube and a Q-tip. 1.00

01:08:22.000 Oh my god, dude. 1.00

01:08:23.000 That's a pain that I never want to feel ever again. 0.99

01:08:26.000 Well, I just would assume that they would have figured out a way to fix dicks. 1.00

01:08:29.000 I think they think that's funny. 1.00

01:08:30.000 I think they're just like, fuck them. 1.00

01:08:31.000 I don't think there's anything they can do. 1.00

01:08:33.000 There's no other way around it.

01:08:34.000 I think it's like CRISPR. CRISPR is going to come around.

01:08:36.000 And that's going to fucking... 0.60

01:08:37.000 You know what CRISPR is? 0.96

01:08:39.000 There's this new tool that they have to alter genes and alter DNA. Where you can, like, pick baby shit? 1.00

01:08:45.000 You're going to be able to pick baby shit for sure. 1.00

01:08:47.000 That's wild. 1.00

01:08:48.000 That's 100%.

01:08:48.000 They're probably already doing it in China.

01:08:50.000 Yeah, they're like blue eyes.

01:08:51.000 Yeah.

01:08:52.000 6'2".

01:08:53.000 18 years from now, the Olympic Games, we're gonna see some just genetic freaks from Asia and Russia. 1.00

01:08:58.000 It's gonna be amazing.

01:08:58.000 I can't wait.

01:09:00.000 We're gonna be like, wait, what the fuck is that? 0.99

01:09:02.000 That's this person? 0.99

01:09:03.000 14-year-old. 0.99

01:09:04.000 Flying through the air, breaking records, doing fucking quadruple somersaults over people when they're playing basketball. 1.00

01:09:10.000 80-inch vertical leaps and shit. 0.98

01:09:11.000 They're gonna, like, jump from the free throw line on the other side of the court and flip through the air and slam dunk, and everybody's gonna go, wait, what?

01:09:18.000 No, everyone's gonna go, ah, yeah, I've seen it. 0.98

01:09:20.000 At that point, it'll be just a normal fucking thing. 0.98

01:09:22.000 Did you see that video? 0.99

01:09:23.000 Did I send it to you, Jamie, that dog that jumps through the air and you can't, you literally can't believe how high the dog jumps?

01:09:30.000 Did I send it?

01:09:30.000 I'm gonna send it.

01:09:31.000 I'll send it to you right now.

01:09:32.000 But is this, I sent it to, I know I sent it to Callan, because he's a, and Schaub are both dog freaks.

01:09:37.000 But it doesn't even make any sense. 0.99

01:09:39.000 Like, you look at the video and you go like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:09:42.000 This one? 0.99

01:09:42.000 Nope, that's not it. 0.99

01:09:43.000 But let me see that one.

01:09:44.000 Let me see this dog. 0.83

01:09:44.000 Let me see that one. 0.83

01:09:49.000 Look at the body on that thing.

01:09:51.000 Little stud.

01:09:52.000 Jacked.

01:09:53.000 Here he goes.

01:09:54.000 Boy!

01:09:55.000 Oh, he's running up the wall.

01:09:57.000 I've seen this.

01:09:57.000 That's crazy!

01:09:58.000 Dude, this stuff is insane.

01:09:59.000 That is crazy!

01:10:00.000 Wow!

01:10:00.000 That dog just jumped.

01:10:02.000 It looks like he jumped 18 feet in the air.

01:10:05.000 He did.

01:10:06.000 At least, right?

01:10:06.000 Yeah.

01:10:07.000 That looks like 18 feet.

01:10:09.000 And he bites the rope and so that it pulls him down slowly so he doesn't get hurt.

01:10:13.000 That's amazing.

01:10:13.000 And the guy helps.

01:10:14.000 The guy catches him too. 1.00

01:10:15.000 Dude, that's a fucking crazy dog. 1.00

01:10:16.000 Pitbull can leap four meter walls. 1.00

01:10:20.000 What?

01:10:20.000 Four meters.

01:10:22.000 They're not regular dogs, man.

01:10:24.000 Look at this.

01:10:25.000 See?

01:10:25.000 Fetch it, fetch it.

01:10:26.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:10:28.000 That is incredible. 1.00

01:10:31.000 Find this fucking dog. 1.00

01:10:32.000 Oh! 1.00

01:10:34.000 Also, I wanted to ask you about this.

01:10:36.000 Have you seen mass wrestling?

01:10:37.000 Do you know what that is?

01:10:37.000 What?

01:10:38.000 Mass wrestling?

01:10:39.000 Do you know what it is?

01:10:39.000 What's that?

01:10:40.000 Type that in.

01:10:40.000 This is nuts.

01:10:42.000 Mass wrestling?

01:10:43.000 Before I forget it, I wanted to tell you about it.

01:10:45.000 People like, there's like a bar.

01:10:47.000 Look at this.

01:10:49.000 What are they doing?

01:10:50.000 There's like a bar that they both have to grip onto and they're pulling it.

01:10:53.000 Oh, they're gonna break their legs.

01:10:55.000 How many people die doing this? 1.00

01:10:56.000 Isn't this fucking insane? 0.99

01:10:59.000 It's a lot of weight. 0.99

01:11:01.000 I mean, dude, look at these two dudes. 0.98

01:11:03.000 That's all grip and leg strength and shit. 1.00

01:11:07.000 It's wild as shit. 1.00

01:11:09.000 I watched like 50 videos of it. 1.00

01:11:10.000 I got so soaked into it.

01:11:11.000 I was like, why are people doing this?

01:11:13.000 It's like tug of war with something stable, you know?

01:11:17.000 I'm sending it to you right now, Jamie.

01:11:18.000 You gotta see this.

01:11:20.000 It looks like, look at these guys.

01:11:21.000 Are they blurring out that guy's hog?

01:11:23.000 I would like that. 0.93

01:11:24.000 It was a hog. 0.99

01:11:24.000 It was butt-ass naked. 0.99

01:11:25.000 The guy on the right, like there's a little pixelation... 0.99

01:11:28.000 I originally got into this because I was jerking off to it.

01:11:30.000 That's why I wanted to see this. 0.94

01:11:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:11:31.000 Oh, they have a stick.

01:11:32.000 I thought they had their hand...

01:11:33.000 So they're holding on the stick.

01:11:34.000 They're holding on to this, like, this, this, yeah, like a...

01:11:35.000 The guy on the left is winning, but he's all arms. 1.00

01:11:38.000 Look at his little bitch-ass legs. 1.00

01:11:39.000 I got my money on the guy on the right. 1.00

01:11:41.000 I don't like the way the guy on the right, or the left, rather, has overdeveloped his arms and underdeveloped his legs.

01:11:47.000 That guy's gonna quit.

01:11:49.000 The guy on the left?

01:11:50.000 Yeah, he's got no legs down there.

01:11:51.000 He's going to give out.

01:11:52.000 The guy on the right is Russian.

01:11:54.000 He looks like he's from a hut in the middle of Siberia.

01:11:57.000 His whole family lives in a yurt.

01:11:59.000 The guy on the left did not run.

01:12:01.000 Look at his legs.

01:12:02.000 Look at his calves.

01:12:03.000 That guy's not fit.

01:12:05.000 See?

01:12:06.000 Told you.

01:12:07.000 That's why I'm a good MMA commentator.

01:12:09.000 Called it.

01:12:09.000 I know when I see a dude that's just...

01:12:12.000 He's jacked. 0.99

01:12:13.000 You look at his upper body and his forearms and shit and his biceps and his shoulders. 1.00

01:12:18.000 I'm like, the guy's jacked. 0.99

01:12:19.000 There's no leg strength there. 0.99

01:12:21.000 But he's got zero in his legs, which means his mind is weak.

01:12:25.000 That's what it means. 0.99

01:12:26.000 His mind is weak.

01:12:27.000 He wants everybody to think he's strong, but he's not doing the real hard work. 0.99

01:12:31.000 Nobody gives a fuck if you're doing squats. 0.98

01:12:33.000 Nobody notices, okay? 1.00

01:12:35.000 You do push-ups and you do bench press and your fucking tits pop out. 1.00

01:12:39.000 Everybody sees it. 1.00

01:12:40.000 Watch this dog. 1.00

01:12:41.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:12:42.000 You ain't even gonna believe this. 0.99

01:12:43.000 This doesn't even seem real.

01:12:44.000 Look at this.

01:12:46.000 This dog flies.

01:12:47.000 I think that's a Belgian Malinois.

01:12:49.000 Flies. 1.00

01:12:50.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:12:50.000 Just flies. 0.99

01:12:51.000 And then they have him land on a cushion, which is pretty sweet.

01:12:53.000 So he jumps off that guy's shoulders?

01:12:55.000 Jumps off the guy's shoulders, but...

01:12:56.000 That's gotta be 20 feet.

01:12:58.000 Literally jumps.

01:12:58.000 I mean, it's at least 15. He's at least 15 feet in the air.

01:13:03.000 What's even cooler is that... 1.00

01:13:04.000 Look at this fucking dog, man! 1.00

01:13:05.000 He's flying! 1.00

01:13:08.000 It's SendItOfficial on Instagram.

01:13:10.000 All one word.

01:13:11.000 SendItOfficial. 0.99

01:13:12.000 That's one of them Instagram pages that has a bunch of crazy shit on it. 0.98

01:13:16.000 There's a lot of those that are pretty good. 0.98

01:13:17.000 I follow a lot of them.

01:13:19.000 Well, the original, like the SendIt quote, you know that's from...

01:13:21.000 Have you seen those guys that are like, Come on, Marty, send it! 0.98

01:13:24.000 And he just jumps trucks and fucking... 0.99

01:13:26.000 Dude, that makes me laugh so hard every time. 1.00

01:13:29.000 He's like, What are you going to do? 0.98

01:13:30.000 He's like, I'm going to fucking send it. 1.00

01:13:31.000 He just gets in a pickup truck and just shoots it off a shitty fucking ramp. 1.00

01:13:35.000 Hold my beer while I send it. 1.00

01:13:36.000 I'll fucking send it. 0.99

01:13:37.000 Have you seen Hold This Beer on Twitter? 0.99

01:13:39.000 Have you ever seen that account?

01:13:39.000 Hold My Beer?

01:13:40.000 Yeah, Hold My Beer.

01:13:40.000 I think it's Hold This Beer.

01:13:42.000 Hold This Beer?

01:13:43.000 Is the actual Twitter account, but it says Hold My Beer is the name of it.

01:13:46.000 Ah, right, right, right.

01:13:47.000 That one is...

01:13:48.000 Hold My Beer.

01:13:49.000 You can't go wrong with that one.

01:13:50.000 No, that stuff's hilarious.

01:13:51.000 If you can deal with it.

01:13:53.000 If you can deal with it.

01:13:54.000 Because sometimes you're going to watch people that are going to get absolute brain damage.

01:13:58.000 Yeah, but I love it.

01:13:59.000 Whatever, it's not me.

01:14:01.000 There's one where a dude is standing on a hill and a bale of hay is coming towards him, and this bale of hay looks like it might weigh six, seven hundred pounds, and it's huge.

01:14:10.000 He's taking it. 0.91

01:14:10.000 He jumps up into the air like he's trying to get over it, and he doesn't make it, and he goes fucking flying like he got hit by a bus. 0.91

01:14:18.000 I love that shit. 0.99

01:14:19.000 I mean, the dude goes, have you ever seen one of those big ass circle bales of hay bigger than this table? 1.00

01:14:24.000 Oh, huge. 0.99

01:14:24.000 Those are so fucking heavy. 0.99

01:14:26.000 It's bigger than a truck tire. 1.00

01:14:27.000 Yes, they're so heavy. 1.00

01:14:28.000 And this dumb fuck thought he was gonna jump over it. 1.00

01:14:31.000 My favorite is- People will closely overestimate how well- There he is. 1.00

01:14:36.000 Come on, dude.

01:14:37.000 Watch this again.

01:14:38.000 I mean- The fact that he's alive.

01:14:39.000 Look at this.

01:14:40.000 Boom! 1.00

01:14:41.000 That dude got fucked up! 1.00

01:14:44.000 He's just like he's not paralyzed. 1.00

01:14:46.000 Look at this.

01:14:46.000 Boom!

01:14:47.000 I mean, he did a full flip through the air. 1.00

01:14:51.000 That fucking thing is so heavy. 0.99

01:14:53.000 There's no way you would pick that up. 1.00

01:14:55.000 You know what my favorite is?

01:14:56.000 The medicine balls.

01:14:57.000 When people bump the...

01:14:57.000 You know when people do medicine ball challenge where they run at each other?

01:15:00.000 No.

01:15:00.000 Have you ever seen that?

01:15:02.000 They'll both grab a medicine ball, run each other full speed, and jump, and whoever gets hit the furthest.

01:15:06.000 But sometimes people do it with their kids.

01:15:07.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:15:08.000 And like a dad will be just fucking around. 0.99

01:15:09.000 You'll see a kid go flying 30 feet in the room. 1.00

01:15:12.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:15:13.000 Oh, that's my favorite shit. 1.00

01:15:14.000 There's one on there that's like Fail Army or Fail Blog or something, and they show the same kind of fucking stuff. 0.99

01:15:18.000 People have this crazy idea of what they would do to get away from things that other people aren't doing. 0.93

01:15:24.000 Totally.

01:15:25.000 I'd sidestep them.

01:15:27.000 I could jump over it.

01:15:29.000 That's always been an inside joke in MMA forums about sidestepping. 0.96

01:15:34.000 That if someone is coming after me, I just fucking sidestep them. 0.87

01:15:37.000 Sidestep, man. 0.98

01:15:37.000 I just sidestep, bro. 0.98

01:15:38.000 Most people just don't know what to do.

01:15:40.000 They stand there and freeze.

01:15:41.000 I just sidestep, get out of the way.

01:15:42.000 I got it planned out.

01:15:44.000 People are going to swarm you. 0.84

01:15:46.000 Swarm you like a zombie. 1.00

01:15:47.000 Try to bite your face. 1.00

01:15:48.000 What are you talking about? 0.96

01:15:49.000 Sidestepping them, dude.

01:15:50.000 Sidestepping.

01:15:50.000 I'll sidestep them all.

01:15:51.000 But people think they could do that. 0.99

01:15:52.000 If that fucking bull was coming after me, I'd just step aside. 1.00

01:15:56.000 These matadors or faggots with the little fucking ponchos. 1.00

01:15:59.000 Or we'll use your fake martial arts videos. 1.00

01:16:01.000 Those guys. 1.00

01:16:02.000 Those are my fucking two. 1.00

01:16:03.000 Those are my favorite. 0.99

01:16:04.000 I resist putting those videos up, because there's so many of them that get sent to me every day.

01:16:07.000 They're so funny.

01:16:08.000 I can't keep putting them up.

01:16:09.000 The guy has like a wind technique.

01:16:12.000 Like with his breath, he's like...

01:16:13.000 There's a great page on Instagram, McDojo.

01:16:18.000 Is it McDojo or McDojo Life?

01:16:20.000 I forget which one it is.

01:16:22.000 McDojo Life?

01:16:23.000 Wait, McDojo?

01:16:24.000 McDojo.

01:16:25.000 They call it McDojo.

01:16:25.000 Like a dojo is a martial arts school.

01:16:27.000 McDojo is like a mall martial arts school.

01:16:30.000 That's what we would call like... 0.99

01:16:32.000 Cheesy, shitty martial arts school's McDojo. 0.99

01:16:34.000 Watch this guy. 0.99

01:16:35.000 Watch this guy.

01:16:36.000 Go full screen on this one. 1.00

01:16:37.000 This one's fucking preposterous. 0.99

01:16:39.000 The guy comes at him with a sword, and he uses his power, and the guy goes flying. 1.00

01:16:43.000 I buy it.

01:16:43.000 I buy every second of it.

01:16:44.000 This old Japanese guy.

01:16:46.000 I buy it. 0.95

01:16:46.000 And all these goofy white guys, who would have been the guys in Boyle Heights, that were saying, we're here for your community. 0.95

01:16:51.000 We love you. 1.00

01:16:52.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:16:54.000 Get out! 1.00

01:16:54.000 We don't want you! 1.00

01:16:56.000 They would be the same guy. 0.98

01:16:58.000 These old, dorky, liberal guys who probably call themselves feminists, and they're just flying through the air with their Aikido suits on. 1.00

01:17:05.000 Dude, he is fucking this guy up. 1.00

01:17:08.000 He's fucking this dude up. 0.99

01:17:09.000 He leads him around and then drops him to the ground. 1.00

01:17:12.000 Well, you know, as a feminist, I'm more likely to get tossed around. 1.00

01:17:16.000 This almost looks like a coordinated dance.

01:17:18.000 Ha ha ha ha! 0.98

01:17:20.000 It's so silly. 1.00

01:17:21.000 They're all so silly. 0.99

01:17:22.000 What is that one next to it? 1.00

01:17:23.000 The guy with the karate outfit.

01:17:24.000 What is he gonna do?

01:17:25.000 Is that a girl or a guy?

01:17:26.000 It's a guy?

01:17:27.000 He's gonna break all these with his head.

01:17:28.000 Oh. 0.54

01:17:29.000 Oh my god.

01:17:30.000 He's doing flips on his head, breaking the boards, and then flipping onto his feet.

01:17:35.000 So he's crushing the blocks of stone with his head.

01:17:38.000 Yep.

01:17:40.000 What does it sound like?

01:17:42.000 Give me some...

01:17:42.000 Oh my god, he's doing it like...

01:17:49.000 Like, flipping.

01:17:51.000 One more.

01:17:53.000 Yay! 0.99

01:17:54.000 He did it! 1.00

01:17:55.000 If that ever comes up, then you need to flip and land on someone's dick. 0.99

01:17:59.000 That guy has a Taekwondo outfit on. 0.99

01:18:01.000 That doesn't make any sense to me.

01:18:02.000 That's so weird.

01:18:04.000 What could those be made out of?

01:18:06.000 The shittiest rock known to man.

01:18:09.000 Like, if you pissed on it, it would probably break.

01:18:11.000 It can't be rock. 1.00

01:18:12.000 Yeah, it's some sort of shitty-ass, bitch-ass concrete. 1.00

01:18:17.000 Do you got that bag of bitch-ass concrete we ordered? 1.00

01:18:21.000 Yeah, man, you got some bitch-ass concrete. 1.00

01:18:24.000 Fuck people up. 1.00

01:18:25.000 Breaking shit with my head. 1.00

01:18:28.000 But there's a lot of people out there that buy into that stupid stuff, man. 1.00

01:18:32.000 But my point about it is there's a lot of people that buy into anything. 1.00

01:18:35.000 That's why people join cults.

01:18:36.000 That's why people, they fall into these ideas and they believe them wholeheartedly.

01:18:43.000 What do you know about all these new religions, like all the new cool religions where the dudes are...

01:18:48.000 Like, remember, I think I talked to you about it, where, like, there's these new motivational-speak churches, where it's like, that's all it is.

01:18:55.000 Yeah, I read about one recently that uses a friend of mine's synagogue, where a friend of mine goes for his service, he's Jewish, where him and his family go, these people rent it out, like, on some days.

01:19:09.000 Right.

01:19:09.000 And they come down, they have this rock and roll, sort of...

01:19:12.000 Yes, this rock and roll church.

01:19:13.000 But the guy's, like, this charismatic, sort of half-assed Waco dude.

01:19:16.000 And they're all good-looking.

01:19:17.000 Yeah, like Koresh. 0.93

01:19:18.000 There's a bunch of them.

01:19:19.000 Yeah, there's like five or six of these guys with varying degrees of bullshititude.

01:19:24.000 And they're all rich.

01:19:26.000 They're all super, super rich.

01:19:27.000 They're getting cash.

01:19:27.000 Yeah, tons of money, man.

01:19:29.000 Well, especially if they can get, like, young, really wealthy people who are kind of lost.

01:19:33.000 Young, good-looking kids.

01:19:34.000 Yeah.

01:19:34.000 My friend went to one.

01:19:35.000 He was like, dude, you have to see.

01:19:36.000 He's like, the women that were there were, every one of them was gorgeous.

01:19:39.000 Yeah, my buddy had a personal assistant.

01:19:42.000 He was a producer of a TV show, and he had a personal assistant, and his personal assistant was...

01:19:48.000 She was nice, but she was off.

01:19:52.000 There were some wires that would just...

01:19:55.000 She just clicks in the middle of the day.

01:19:58.000 There were some things that just weren't connecting right, and she started going to this church.

01:20:00.000 She's like, you would love it, because it's not like a regular church.

01:20:03.000 We just sing.

01:20:04.000 Oh, God, that sounds like a cult.

01:20:06.000 We talk about real things.

01:20:07.000 They give us a haircut.

01:20:08.000 We talk about real life.

01:20:09.000 Like, okay.

01:20:10.000 Do you have to give them money?

01:20:11.000 Like, how's that work?

01:20:12.000 Tons of money.

01:20:12.000 Let's talk, and then you give me money.

01:20:14.000 I don't have any services I give.

01:20:16.000 I'm not really big on services, but we'll all get together and talk, and then I get paid.

01:20:20.000 And then I like mansions.

01:20:21.000 I like to live in a mansion.

01:20:22.000 So what we're going to do is I'm going to regurgitate some Anthony Robbins quotes, and I'm going to tell you about life, and then a little bit of Jesus.

01:20:29.000 I'm going to throw some Jesus in there to seem legit.

01:20:30.000 Touch, a little sprinkle of Jesus.

01:20:31.000 Sprinkle of Jesus.

01:20:32.000 We're not heavy Jesus.

01:20:34.000 You know, we're like paleo-esque people.

01:20:38.000 Paleo, church.

01:20:40.000 Paleo, but we also like spaghetti.

01:20:41.000 It's like, it's okay.

01:20:42.000 We'll snack on it.

01:20:43.000 It's okay.

01:20:44.000 We'll snack on spaghetti, Jesus.

01:20:45.000 I like saltines.

01:20:45.000 I'm not going to lie.

01:20:47.000 I'm not going to lie.

01:20:47.000 I can't say no.

01:20:48.000 I'm not willing to give up my saltines.

01:20:50.000 Nope.

01:20:50.000 I would go paleo if it wasn't for crackers.

01:20:53.000 I like Ritz.

01:20:54.000 I like to put on the Ritz.

01:20:55.000 Every now and then, I want to put on the Ritz.

01:20:56.000 That's what I like.

01:20:57.000 Putting on the Ritz.

01:20:58.000 Give me money.

01:20:59.000 Yeah, man, there's a lot of lost people out there.

01:21:02.000 And then there's people that come along, and then they capitalize on it, on those lost people.

01:21:07.000 Tons.

01:21:07.000 And then they figure out, like, oh, there's a market capitalizing on lost people.

01:21:11.000 And they ramp that shit up proper. 0.98

01:21:13.000 You know who I find is the big, who, like, makes, now that, like, because I'm, like, buying all sorts of stuff for this puppy, the stuff I should have gotten into is, like, tricking people into needing pet stuff. 0.99

01:21:22.000 Like, if I could invent a pet thing.

01:21:24.000 Like, what thing would you invent?

01:21:25.000 Let's invent one right now. 0.99

01:21:26.000 We can just, you know, start out in the front of fucking and fishing. 1.00

01:21:29.000 Fucking and fishing. 1.00

01:21:29.000 Just put it outside. 1.00

01:21:30.000 You got your fucking, your fishing, and your dog toys. 1.00

01:21:32.000 Right when you get to that register, I'll tell you what, that's when you're most susceptible to impulse buying. 1.00

01:21:37.000 That's where we put all that shit? 1.00

01:21:38.000 I put some puppy toy or some shit. 1.00

01:21:40.000 Puppy dildo. 1.00

01:21:41.000 That'd be great if the store was empty and all you had was stuff by the register because you're like, they don't buy out there, man. 0.98

01:21:45.000 They buy right here.

01:21:46.000 That's all we do. 1.00

01:21:47.000 Fucking fishing right at the register. 1.00

01:21:48.000 It's a robot fuck dog for your dog. 1.00

01:21:52.000 Nobody thought about it. 1.00

01:21:53.000 I've been thinking about this for 25 years.

01:21:55.000 It's a robot dog.

01:21:56.000 Finally, I got these Japanese scientists involved, and we figured out the perfect height. 1.00

01:21:59.000 Every dog can fuck it. 1.00

01:22:00.000 Don't snip your dog, man. 1.00

01:22:02.000 Don't fucking neuter a spade or nothing. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Just get your robot dog. 0.99

01:22:05.000 Here's a big misconception. 1.00

01:22:06.000 A big dog can't fuck a little robot dog. 1.00

01:22:10.000 Watch. 1.00

01:22:11.000 They'll get low.

01:22:12.000 So this is like, you don't really need one that you can't sell after your dog dies.

01:22:21.000 Imagine...

01:22:21.000 They're like, hey man, you got a dog?

01:22:23.000 Dude, you know, ever since Rusty died, his robot fuck doll has just been sitting in the garage and been hoping someone can come along and comment it. 0.99

01:22:33.000 It'd be bop on more humans just for their use. 1.00

01:22:37.000 That is an issue when your dog tries to hump your kids. 1.00

01:22:40.000 It does become a real fucking problem. 1.00

01:22:43.000 My Mastiff has humped people before. 0.99

01:22:47.000 You gotta let one kid go.

01:22:49.000 Sacrifice the one you like the least. 0.84

01:22:50.000 There's something disturbing about a 140 pound dog named Johnny Cash that wants to hump your leg.

01:22:55.000 You know, he's a sweet dog, but if he wasn't, if he wasn't, there'd be a real issue here.

01:23:02.000 Be a problem.

01:23:02.000 Be a real problem.

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 What do you say?

01:23:06.000 Hey! 0.99

01:23:07.000 Hey! 1.00

01:23:07.000 Cut this shit! 1.00

01:23:08.000 And they look at you and go, that's not... 1.00

01:23:10.000 I don't know what the fucking problem is. 0.99

01:23:11.000 You do it all the time! 1.00

01:23:12.000 Listen, this is what feels good to me.

01:23:13.000 It feels good to me, and I'm doing it. 0.99

01:23:16.000 Do you ever have moments when your dogs have ever seen you jerking off or having sex or anything like that? 0.99

01:23:20.000 I don't jerk off in front of my dogs. 1.00

01:23:21.000 Never? 1.00

01:23:22.000 Or have sex in front of them. 0.74

01:23:22.000 No. 0.74

01:23:23.000 I do it first day.

01:23:24.000 Just let them know. 0.96

01:23:25.000 I've heard about people that are having sex and a dog comes in and starts licking their feet. 1.00

01:23:28.000 I've heard that kind of shit. 1.00

01:23:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:30.000 I've heard that shit. 1.00

01:23:30.000 And then they come harder. 1.00

01:23:31.000 Yeah.

01:23:33.000 Like, yeah!

01:23:35.000 And the girl's like, why'd you come so quick?

01:23:36.000 I have dogs licking my feet.

01:23:38.000 What?

01:23:38.000 That would probably bum her out.

01:23:40.000 The dog licked my balls and I came like a wildcat. 0.99

01:23:44.000 Wow! 1.00

01:23:45.000 So you just get a bunch of dogs around and lick your feet?

01:23:48.000 I'm sure people are doing that.

01:23:49.000 I mean, that's always been the old thing about peanut butter, right?

01:23:51.000 Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter. 1.00

01:23:53.000 Yeah, peanut butter on your pussy and dogs. 1.00

01:23:55.000 Peanut butter in your ball sack and your dog's licking up the peanut butter. 1.00

01:23:57.000 I mean, like, come on. 1.00

01:23:59.000 You have to be so fucking, you have to be so out of options to make your dog lick your nuts and your asshole. 1.00

01:24:06.000 Yeah, just go hire a human. 1.00

01:24:08.000 Hire a human, man. 0.92

01:24:09.000 There's a lot of people that are really desperate.

01:24:11.000 You know, like you think about it, the human touch, like touch from a person, is mandatory, like people need it.

01:24:16.000 It's a requirement like vitamin C, and it's just a requirement that your body needs.

01:24:21.000 But there's a lot of people that just don't get it.

01:24:23.000 I never knew how much of a requirement it was until when I first moved to LA. When I first moved to LA, I moved from New York to LA, didn't know anyone out here, didn't have any friends, and I was on this set.

01:24:37.000 I'm doing this TV show, and I was there for a couple of weeks, and I guess I hadn't hugged anybody or touched anybody in a couple of weeks.

01:24:45.000 And this girl on the set gave me a hug.

01:24:47.000 Just gave me a hug!

01:24:49.000 And it was like, oh, it was like I got filled up with affection and love. 1.00

01:24:54.000 That shit's real. 0.99

01:24:55.000 But it was the weirdest feeling. 1.00

01:24:57.000 I had never experienced that before.

01:24:59.000 You know, I always had a girlfriend.

01:25:01.000 I always had friends.

01:25:02.000 It was always some sort of physical contact, right?

01:25:04.000 But out here you were alone.

01:25:05.000 I was alone.

01:25:06.000 And then when this girl hugged me, I was like, and I remember never forgetting it.

01:25:10.000 I'm like, wow, that was a weird moment.

01:25:11.000 Like, that's a physical requirement.

01:25:13.000 Yeah.

01:25:13.000 Like, when that girl hugged me, my body was like, yes, this is what we needed.

01:25:18.000 Like, whoa.

01:25:19.000 Like, when you're thirsty and you get a glass of water, you're like, oh, perfect.

01:25:22.000 That's what it was like when she hugged me.

01:25:23.000 And it wasn't even a sexual thing.

01:25:25.000 It was just a human affection thing. 1.00

01:25:27.000 Yeah, that's why they say kids that don't get touched when they're young, that don't get hugged or any affection, they grow up so fucked up mentally. 0.98

01:25:33.000 The part of your brain doesn't develop needing that chemical reaction. 0.97

01:25:37.000 Because the transfer of chemical skin to skin, that's such a big deal for the development of your brain. 0.98

01:25:41.000 So when kids don't get it, it fucking ruins them. 0.96

01:25:44.000 Yeah, they say that about babies in orphanages. 0.99

01:25:47.000 Babies in orphanages, they don't get handled a lot.

01:25:49.000 They don't get touched, they die.

01:25:50.000 Yeah.

01:25:50.000 They can literally die from not being held.

01:25:53.000 That's a trip. 1.00

01:25:54.000 Meanwhile, animals just fucking put their kids out and they're like, go, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:25:58.000 They kick them out of their nest. 1.00

01:25:59.000 Like, hey, fuckface. 1.00

01:26:00.000 Get the fuck out! 1.00

01:26:01.000 Learn to fly. 0.99

01:26:02.000 You ever seen those birds that fall off cliffs?

01:26:04.000 Who showed us that?

01:26:05.000 Was it Sturgill?

01:26:06.000 No, I think I did.

01:26:07.000 I think that was last time I was here.

01:26:08.000 I think it was you.

01:26:09.000 Yeah, the birds that fall just to see if they can stay alive.

01:26:12.000 They bounce off the rocks and half of them die.

01:26:13.000 Yeah, because right before I came on I saw that clip.

01:26:15.000 That's right. 0.99

01:26:16.000 Dude, that was fucked up. 1.00

01:26:17.000 There's a lot of like dark shit in the animal community. 1.00

01:26:21.000 You think about the survival of these little beasts. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Absurd.

01:26:24.000 I was just reading about how many deer every year freeze to death in Idaho.

01:26:29.000 Don't ask me why.

01:26:30.000 But I was reading.

01:26:32.000 It's thousands.

01:26:33.000 It's like sometimes they lose thousands of animals.

01:26:36.000 And they even tried to migrate somewhere else.

01:26:38.000 I might have made up those numbers.

01:26:39.000 Might be hundreds.

01:26:40.000 It's like six.

01:26:41.000 It's a lot.

01:26:42.000 It's a lot.

01:26:42.000 They call it winter kill.

01:26:44.000 And when they have a hard winter, like a real hard winter, they lose hundreds and hundreds of animals.

01:26:48.000 This dead, frozen to death.

01:26:50.000 Imagine living in a place where you barely make it.

01:26:53.000 Like cryogenics.

01:26:54.000 When you go to cryo-healthcare and your legs are shaking, and you get out of there 3 minutes and 40 seconds, someone stays in there to 6, and they just become an ice cube. 0.99

01:27:01.000 That's fucking insane. 0.97

01:27:02.000 And that's where you live. 1.00

01:27:03.000 You don't have a house. 1.00

01:27:04.000 You're a stupid fucking deer wandering around through the woods. 1.00

01:27:06.000 That's it. 1.00

01:27:07.000 That's your life.

01:27:07.000 Trying not to get eaten.

01:27:08.000 That's like back in the Midwest, they would send out those flyers all the time for registered gun owners to go hunt because the overpopulation of the deer was so bad that they would die or that they would try to eat each other, which is crazy.

01:27:20.000 They'd turn into cannibals. 0.94

01:27:20.000 What? 0.94

01:27:21.000 Yeah, because there wasn't enough food, you know, so there was overpopulation.

01:27:24.000 There wasn't enough food, not enough land mass.

01:27:25.000 The deer eat each other?

01:27:26.000 They would try to eat each other. 0.54

01:27:27.000 Jesus Christ.

01:27:29.000 I never heard of that before.

01:27:30.000 They would give you incentive to go hunt if you were a hunter, to go take care of some of the deer.

01:27:38.000 Well, there's two options.

01:27:39.000 Either you hunt them or you bring in something else that hunts them.

01:27:42.000 That second option is always a bigger problem.

01:27:44.000 Way bigger problem.

01:27:45.000 You change the whole makeup of it.

01:27:47.000 Yeah, well, California's kind of done that.

01:27:49.000 California's done a weird thing, because every other state manages their predator population.

01:27:54.000 California, you can bear hunt in California, but you can't do it in any effective way.

01:28:00.000 What that means is, like, there's two ways that are really effective ways to hunt bears.

01:28:04.000 One is over bait, so you would, like, leave some food down, and you'd wait in, like, a blind and hide, and the bear would come to get the food.

01:28:11.000 Because otherwise, places where bears live, they don't live in an open country.

01:28:15.000 They hide.

01:28:15.000 Right.

01:28:17.000 Everything.

01:28:18.000 They smell you miles away, like literally miles away.

01:28:21.000 If the wind is at your back and the wind blows across a valley and a bear is two miles away, he'll go like...

01:28:28.000 He'll know you're there.

01:28:29.000 And that's not even a joke.

01:28:30.000 I mean, it's a different kind of thing.

01:28:32.000 And then on top of that, they hear way better than you can imagine.

01:28:35.000 And they see pretty good, too. 1.00

01:28:36.000 So you're fucked. 1.00

01:28:37.000 Like, you're not going to find them. 1.00

01:28:39.000 So they have bear hunting in California, but it's very ineffective.

01:28:43.000 Like, most people don't actually get the bear.

01:28:45.000 So you can't put bait down.

01:28:46.000 I mean, it just had to be circumstance that you found.

01:28:49.000 Yeah.

01:28:49.000 The only other places where you can hunt bears effectively and it's not over bait are areas where there's like wide open spaces or these cut blocks.

01:29:00.000 What a cut block is where a lumber company comes in and chops down a bunch of trees.

01:29:04.000 And then these little roots grow up and these little tiny saplings and stuff and the bears like to come in and eat those and meadows.

01:29:10.000 So people go to meadows and occasionally you'll spot a bear there.

01:29:14.000 But it's predator control.

01:29:17.000 And then the other thing is with dogs.

01:29:20.000 The dog one is very problematic because people don't like that look, the idea of dogs baying up a bear in a tree and then you shoot it out of a tree. 0.99

01:29:27.000 It just seems really fucked up. 0.98

01:29:29.000 That makes sense to me. 0.99

01:29:31.000 The mountain lion one is another one.

01:29:33.000 Like, they stopped all mountain lion hunting in the state.

01:29:36.000 And they just decided...

01:29:37.000 Why, because they were going extinct?

01:29:37.000 No, they're not going extinct.

01:29:39.000 No, there's a lot of mountain lions in California.

01:29:40.000 So why do they want to get rid of them?

01:29:42.000 It's a political thing.

01:29:43.000 It's the same thing as there's a grizzly bear ban in British Columbia.

01:29:48.000 You can't hunt grizzly bears in British Columbia.

01:29:50.000 But they have a lot of grizzly bears.

01:29:52.000 There's got to be a ton.

01:29:53.000 But there was a ban that was put together by animal rights activists and then signed by, it was really just a few thousand people that took an email poll, and then they passed this, 75% of them.

01:30:03.000 And now they're going to have a real problem with grizzly bears.

01:30:05.000 Because the people that passed this, they all live in Vancouver.

01:30:09.000 Vancouver's beautiful.

01:30:10.000 It's a city.

01:30:10.000 Yeah, it's a metro area.

01:30:12.000 There's no grizzly bears.

01:30:13.000 No. 0.99

01:30:13.000 But those other people that live like north, you go like four hours past Vancouver and these people live in the forest, they have giant 10-foot monsters that eat cows that live in their fucking woods. 0.99

01:30:25.000 And you just said, you just made it illegal to shoot the monsters. 0.98

01:30:29.000 You don't even live around the monsters. 1.00

01:30:31.000 You don't even know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00

01:30:32.000 You're on a high rise. 1.00

01:30:33.000 Also, where those people live, you can shoot as many wolves as you want.

01:30:37.000 So it's gotten so bad up there with wolves, you could shoot a hundred wolves a day.

01:30:41.000 Every day.

01:30:42.000 They need you to.

01:30:43.000 They want you to.

01:30:43.000 They give you money for it in some cases.

01:30:45.000 Get up and shoot wolves. 1.00

01:30:47.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:30:48.000 Dude! 1.00

01:30:48.000 Let's go shoot some fucking wolves. 1.00

01:30:50.000 Dude, I don't want to be around wolves that need to be shot. 1.00

01:30:53.000 I want to be around wolves where there's a healthy population where I don't have to do anything.

01:30:57.000 The last thing you want to do is be around wolves where there's so many wolves they have to shoot them. 1.00

01:31:01.000 That's when shit gets sketched. 0.99

01:31:03.000 That's when it gets sketched. 1.00

01:31:05.000 That's when they come after you. 0.88

01:31:05.000 Yeah, that's when there's a fucked up, there's a balance, there's an issue. 0.88

01:31:09.000 And that's what happens. 0.97

01:31:11.000 Everybody's like, well, leave the animals alone, they control their own population.

01:31:14.000 Yes, you're correct, but it'll take 30 years.

01:31:17.000 Are you willing to see this overpopulation of grizzly pears attacking wildlife, attacking people, attacking dogs, and breaking into people's houses?

01:31:26.000 Because that will happen, and we're encroaching in their land, sort of, but guess what? 0.57

01:31:31.000 If they find out where our food is, they're going to encroach into our land, too.

01:31:35.000 Do we have no land?

01:31:37.000 Do we just give up your house, man?

01:31:39.000 What is this?

01:31:40.000 Like, what are you doing?

01:31:41.000 Like, people don't have a realistic idea of what animal life is.

01:31:45.000 Like, animal life is beautiful, but it's also life with its own ideas about survival and what it wants to do.

01:31:50.000 And if you don't manage the predators, you're not going to have the other animals.

01:31:54.000 You're not going to have the deer.

01:31:55.000 You're not going to have the moose.

01:31:56.000 Totally.

01:31:56.000 You've got to manage everything.

01:31:57.000 And biologists know how to do it, but then we get involved.

01:32:00.000 Like, man, I just didn't want to see the bears die, man.

01:32:04.000 People are talking about bringing bears back to California. 1.00

01:32:07.000 These crazy fuckheads. 1.00

01:32:08.000 Ship them in. 1.00

01:32:08.000 Yes. 1.00

01:32:09.000 Ship them in. 0.72

01:32:10.000 Well, we have a grizzly bear on our state flag.

01:32:12.000 Yeah, I know.

01:32:13.000 But the last grizzly bear was shot and killed in Lebec, California.

01:32:17.000 There's a city, well, I don't know if it was killed in Lebec.

01:32:20.000 Was that like up north?

01:32:21.000 Yeah, like near Bakersfield, on the way to Bakersfield.

01:32:24.000 And it was, I think the dude's name was Steven Lebec.

01:32:27.000 See if you can find that.

01:32:28.000 L-E-B-E-C. I believe he was the last man in California to be killed by a grizzly bear.

01:32:33.000 No shit. 1.00

01:32:33.000 And they went, that's a wrap! 1.00

01:32:35.000 There he is.

01:32:35.000 Peter LeBeck.

01:32:36.000 Peter LeBeck.

01:32:38.000 And killed by...

01:32:39.000 Axbear. 0.98

01:32:40.000 Axbear. 0.98

01:32:41.000 What is that?

01:32:41.000 What it says?

01:32:43.000 Axbear, I think. 1.00

01:32:44.000 Axbear. 0.98

01:32:45.000 I don't know what that means.

01:32:46.000 By Axbear!

01:32:46.000 I think that's like a space.

01:32:48.000 It's like a cross.

01:32:50.000 Because it's not totally an X. October 17th, 1837. Wow.

01:32:55.000 October 17th, 1837. And that's when they just went hog and just killed all the bears.

01:33:02.000 They had huge bears in California, too.

01:33:04.000 They were like coastal brown bears, like the kind they have in Alaska.

01:33:07.000 Right.

01:33:07.000 Those enormous ones that you see, like they look like buses.

01:33:10.000 That's what they had here.

01:33:11.000 Was it Kodiak?

01:33:13.000 Kodiak.

01:33:13.000 Yeah, Kodiak.

01:33:14.000 That's a weird place.

01:33:16.000 What is this?

01:33:17.000 The Mystery of Peter LeBeck and the X-Bear.

01:33:19.000 Oh, so they did call it the X-Bear.

01:33:21.000 I wonder why they called it the X-Bear.

01:33:23.000 Okay, so it was out in Lebec, because it's now Fort Tejon, which is a fort off of the Five.

01:33:33.000 At the time, it says it's just the wilds of the Tehachapi Mountains, which, by the way, is the exact same area from There Will Be Blood, where Daniel Day-Lewis, that movie, There Will Be Blood, that's where they scored oil.

01:33:46.000 That's right.

01:33:46.000 It's out in that area.

01:33:47.000 Is that him right there?

01:33:48.000 That's homeboy.

01:33:49.000 That's homeboy. 0.61

01:33:50.000 They got jacked.

01:33:51.000 No, who is that?

01:33:52.000 That's Lieutenant Robert Williamson.

01:33:55.000 What is Williamson?

01:33:57.000 Leading a government expedition and passed through Santa Clarita in 1853 as a part of an effort to find a practical route for a transcontinental railroad.

01:34:06.000 And then they found bears.

01:34:08.000 1853, he noted unusually large number of grizzly bears in the area.

01:34:13.000 There's a lot of bears here.

01:34:14.000 Oh, boy.

01:34:15.000 We should keep going.

01:34:16.000 Okay, well, hold on.

01:34:16.000 Stop, stop, stop, stop, scroll down.

01:34:18.000 It says, party led by Fitzgerald Beal, Lieutenant Edward Fitzgerald Beal, Commissioner of the Indian Affairs at the time, found the Lebec tree, a tree in 1854. Okay, so it's a tree where they, like, had something that they left to mark it.

01:34:32.000 It says, by 1890, the tree bark had grown over and covered the Lebec inscription.

01:34:37.000 Yeah, so there was a tree that had written on it.

01:34:41.000 This is where the body was remained.

01:34:43.000 The remains of a man, approximately six feet tall, who was missing his right forearm, both feet, and his left hand, along with two broken ribs on the left side, all consistent with a gruesome bear attack.

01:34:53.000 Yeah, baby.

01:34:57.000 So that's what they did.

01:34:58.000 When they had these bears in California, they were just jacking people. 0.62

01:35:01.000 So they killed them all.

01:35:02.000 They literally have no bears left.

01:35:04.000 Not just in California, but there's brown bears.

01:35:07.000 But no grizzly bears.

01:35:09.000 Brown bears are a much smaller bear.

01:35:11.000 Not only are they not in California, I don't even think they're close to California.

01:35:15.000 The hair along its back and shoulders appeared to form an X. Ah, that's a common X bear. 0.63

01:35:21.000 Huh.

01:35:22.000 Where's all the grizzlies in Canada?

01:35:23.000 They're all north.

01:35:24.000 Yeah, you gotta go to like...

01:35:25.000 I think, if I'm correct, I don't think you can find them until you get to like British Columbia.

01:35:31.000 I don't think they're even in Washington State.

01:35:34.000 I think they have them in Idaho.

01:35:36.000 They have them in Wyoming.

01:35:38.000 They're starting to find them in Colorado.

01:35:40.000 In fact, my friend Adam Greentree, the guy who shot that bull up there, that giant buffalo, that water buffalo on the top of the flag, that dude...

01:35:50.000 Spotted and filmed them in, I think, the San Juan Mountains.

01:35:55.000 I think that's where it is.

01:35:56.000 I think that's the name of the range in Colorado where people are saying there's no grizzly bears.

01:36:00.000 But he found one.

01:36:01.000 He had a video of it. 0.99

01:36:01.000 He's like, that is a fucking grizzly bear. 0.99

01:36:04.000 Because he's from Australia. 1.00

01:36:05.000 That's how he talks.

01:36:08.000 Which state is the most grizzly bears?

01:36:12.000 1,500 left in the lower 48 states.

01:36:15.000 About 800 live in Montana.

01:36:17.000 I was going to say, they've got to be up there.

01:36:19.000 600 more live in Wyoming.

01:36:21.000 And there's an estimated 70 to 100 living in northern and eastern Idaho.

01:36:25.000 Okay, so I was right.

01:36:26.000 And two of them in Texas for some reason.

01:36:28.000 But they're in Colorado now.

01:36:31.000 Adam is right.

01:36:32.000 I guarantee he's right.

01:36:33.000 Because first of all, Colorado borders Wyoming, and it borders a lot of what that area is.

01:36:39.000 Like, what's on the edges of Colorado?

01:36:41.000 I know Wyoming's on one side.

01:36:42.000 I guarantee they've crossed in. 0.99

01:36:44.000 Because biologists, they're questioning this, the validity of this, but Adam's been around bears.

01:36:50.000 Not only has he been around bears, he's filmed himself getting charged with bears while he's holding up a pistol and put it on Instagram.

01:36:56.000 He was on a 28-day backcountry hunt in So what do we got here?

01:37:01.000 Colorado.

01:37:01.000 What's off to the left?

01:37:03.000 That's Utah.

01:37:03.000 Utah on one side.

01:37:04.000 There's no bear.

01:37:05.000 Wyoming on the top.

01:37:06.000 Yeah, so they come down from the top, man.

01:37:09.000 Guarantee you.

01:37:09.000 Yeah, Fort Collins is right there.

01:37:11.000 I guarantee you there's some grizzly bears there.

01:37:13.000 Adam knows.

01:37:13.000 The point is, this is not like me.

01:37:16.000 If I went into the woods and I was like, dude, I saw a grizzly bear.

01:37:18.000 Don't listen to me. 0.99

01:37:19.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. 1.00

01:37:20.000 He knows. 0.99

01:37:22.000 He knows.

01:37:23.000 Are you sure, Joe?

01:37:24.000 He can see one a mile away, look at it through a spotting scope, and say, that is a grizzly bear.

01:37:29.000 Right.

01:37:29.000 Where I can't.

01:37:30.000 I go, it's a fucking bear. 1.00

01:37:31.000 It's a big ass bear. 1.00

01:37:32.000 It's a big bear. 0.96

01:37:32.000 Might be a big brown bear. 0.96

01:37:34.000 But he was positive it was a grizzly bear. 0.99

01:37:36.000 He said, that big fucking grizzly. 1.00

01:37:38.000 Fucking grizzly. 1.00

01:37:39.000 But other people have spotted him too and people have called bullshit on him. 1.00

01:37:42.000 But there he is right there. 0.97

01:37:43.000 This is him holding up the pistol.

01:37:45.000 And you see right by that tree to the left of that tree in the fog in the distance? 1.00

01:37:49.000 That's a fucking bear standing on its hind legs. 1.00

01:37:52.000 Watch this. 1.00

01:37:52.000 See it? 1.00

01:37:53.000 See it standing up? 1.00

01:37:54.000 Fuck me. 1.00

01:37:54.000 Fuck you, indeed. 1.00

01:37:56.000 The thing rushed him three or four times. 1.00

01:37:57.000 Now, here's where it gets crazy.

01:37:58.000 He had a gun, but the gun had the wrong size bullet, and he didn't even know it, but it was jammed. 0.99

01:38:06.000 So even though he thinks that he would be able to shoot that bear, he really wouldn't be able to because the bullet isn't even in the fucking chamber. 1.00

01:38:13.000 Shit. 1.00

01:38:14.000 Look at that, 304,000 views. 1.00

01:38:18.000 I think that was in...

01:38:19.000 I believe that was in Idaho.

01:38:22.000 No, Udaho.

01:38:23.000 I think that was in Idaho.

01:38:25.000 That's where he was.

01:38:25.000 And then here's the other big thing.

01:38:27.000 You shoot that fucking thing and, you know, you're in real big trouble. 1.00

01:38:31.000 You have to prove that that thing was trying to kill you. 1.00

01:38:33.000 Well, if he had video, that's fucking amazing. 0.99

01:38:35.000 Yeah, he did. 0.96

01:38:36.000 That's one of the reasons why he filmed it.

01:38:38.000 Because he had been charged, bluff charged a few times.

01:38:41.000 It'd run up to within.

01:38:42.000 Stop.

01:38:42.000 It's always a woman with her babies.

01:38:45.000 Like, she's just trying to, not woman, female bear with her babies. 1.00

01:38:48.000 She's trying to protect. 1.00

01:38:49.000 These bitches are bears. 1.00

01:38:50.000 You bitches in LA? You fucking bitch bears charging me? 1.00

01:38:53.000 It's a mama trying to protect her cubs. 1.00

01:38:55.000 I get it.

01:38:56.000 The dudes don't do that. 1.00

01:38:57.000 They won't charge?

01:38:58.000 No, they just eat you. 1.00

01:38:59.000 They'll fuck you up. 1.00

01:39:00.000 Yeah, if a dude is charging you, you're fucked. 1.00

01:39:02.000 It means it's really hungry. 1.00

01:39:04.000 It just wants you to get away.

01:39:05.000 Most of the time, the males will just run away unless you kill something and then it decides to take it from you.

01:39:13.000 Like, if you kill a deer...

01:39:14.000 And it wants it?

01:39:15.000 Yep. 1.00

01:39:15.000 You better let it fucking have it. 1.00

01:39:16.000 You have to. 1.00

01:39:17.000 And fuck off. 1.00

01:39:18.000 Well, in certain places, you have to. 1.00

01:39:20.000 Like, you're not even allowed to scare them off.

01:39:22.000 I think some states... 0.98

01:39:23.000 I mean, I would let it fucking have it. 0.99

01:39:25.000 There's some states... 0.99

01:39:27.000 It might be Montana?

01:39:29.000 No.

01:39:29.000 There's some...

01:39:30.000 It might be Wyoming?

01:39:31.000 Wyoming, maybe?

01:39:32.000 There's one state where once you shoot something...

01:39:36.000 It might be Idaho.

01:39:37.000 It's one of those states.

01:39:38.000 We just keep jumping.

01:39:39.000 Keep jumping.

01:39:39.000 It could be North Dakota.

01:39:40.000 If a bear finds your meat, you have to leave it alone.

01:39:44.000 You have to leave the bear with your meat.

01:39:46.000 You have to give up.

01:39:46.000 I mean, who's fighting that?

01:39:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:49.000 I would let that shit go. 1.00

01:39:51.000 Most dudes won't, I bet. 1.00

01:39:52.000 I bet they'll shoot that thing. 1.00

01:39:54.000 Shoot the bear, just because? 1.00

01:39:55.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

01:39:55.000 You know how hard it is to... 0.99

01:39:56.000 If you're on a backcountry hunt, and you finally get a deer, you know how hard that is to do?

01:40:02.000 It's so hard. 0.99

01:40:03.000 Yeah, but it'd be like Circle of Life type of shit, where you're like, meh, fucking... 0.99

01:40:06.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:40:07.000 Boom! 0.99

01:40:08.000 You're in their restaurant.

01:40:10.000 Boom! 1.00

01:40:11.000 Right in the dick. 0.99

01:40:11.000 That's the dick bear sound? 0.99

01:40:12.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:40:13.000 Yeah, it's me against him. 1.00

01:40:15.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:40:15.000 In the dick. 1.00

01:40:16.000 I just wouldn't go to a place that wouldn't let you scare off of them. 0.99

01:40:19.000 But first of all, I don't want to go to a place that has them. 1.00

01:40:20.000 No, see, that's my shit. 0.99

01:40:22.000 I'm not, no thanks. 1.00

01:40:23.000 Yeah.

01:40:23.000 I only bird hunted when I was a kid.

01:40:25.000 Bird and deer, actually, I did deer, but I bird hunted a lot when I was a kid.

01:40:28.000 My dad loved bird hunting.

01:40:29.000 The thing about deer and, I mean, even bird hunting is like, if you're in the right place, you could run into a wolf or a bear.

01:40:36.000 Yeah, you could.

01:40:37.000 If you kill a bear in defense of life and property, bears killed in defense of life and property belong to the state.

01:40:42.000 If you kill a bear, you must remove the hide from the carcass and also salvage the skull.

01:40:46.000 By the way, that happened to my friend Cam Haynes.

01:40:50.000 This is how crazy bears are, bro.

01:40:51.000 He shot a bear with a bow and arrow, killed it, and then another bear claimed the body and started burying it.

01:41:00.000 This female bear. 1.00

01:41:01.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:41:01.000 She just decided, this is mine. 1.00

01:41:02.000 I'm gonna eat this.

01:41:03.000 And because they cannibalize each other.

01:41:05.000 Oh, totally.

01:41:05.000 100% of the time.

01:41:07.000 Yeah.

01:41:07.000 100% of all bears are cannibals.

01:41:08.000 They just all cannibals. 1.00

01:41:09.000 If one bear's dead, the other ones just start eating it.

01:41:12.000 Babies, they start eating it. 1.00

01:41:13.000 This is how fucked up it is. 1.00

01:41:14.000 My buddy lives in Alberta, and his son watched a bear kill a cub, and then watched the mom eat the baby. 1.00

01:41:23.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:41:23.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:41:24.000 Like, the mom chased the bear off that killed the cub, and then she ate it.

01:41:28.000 Yeah, well, because it's dead at that point, what's she gonna do?

01:41:30.000 But it's just, what?

01:41:32.000 Nutrition.

01:41:33.000 Yeah, that is what it is.

01:41:34.000 It's nutrition.

01:41:34.000 I mean, that's literally how they, I mean, that's how they roll up there.

01:41:37.000 You've never looked at your kid and been like, I'm gonna fucking eat my kid. 0.97

01:41:39.000 Look at part, what part would you eat first? 1.00

01:41:42.000 Uh, for the fat, whatever the fattiest is.

01:41:44.000 Ugh.

01:41:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:41:45.000 Just pop the legs off.

01:41:47.000 When you're down to that point, like if you're in one of them situations like the movie where they crash in the Andes, when do you start eating people?

01:41:57.000 Do you look for the place where you jump off first?

01:42:01.000 Once you get to the point where you're thinking about eating each other...

01:42:03.000 I'm killing myself.

01:42:04.000 Yeah, I'm probably jumping off a cliff. 0.95

01:42:06.000 I'm jumping. 1.00

01:42:07.000 I don't want to eat fucking people, man. 1.00

01:42:09.000 See, people would walk out, bro. 1.00

01:42:10.000 But there's some places where you're just not walking out.

01:42:13.000 Yeah, no.

01:42:14.000 Okay?

01:42:14.000 You better get that out of your head because you don't have any food.

01:42:18.000 Yeah.

01:42:18.000 There's no water.

01:42:20.000 Like, there's nothing.

01:42:21.000 Nope.

01:42:21.000 You're not going to make it.

01:42:23.000 Yeah, that's a lie.

01:42:23.000 Is that the real guys?

01:42:24.000 I think so.

01:42:25.000 Wow.

01:42:27.000 That's crazy.

01:42:27.000 It was a soccer team, right?

01:42:28.000 Yeah.

01:42:29.000 And so they ate dudes who died.

01:42:31.000 Is this when they rescued them?

01:42:32.000 They took pictures of them?

01:42:33.000 Is that what it is?

01:42:34.000 It must be.

01:42:35.000 That has them going back to the scene.

01:42:37.000 They look very happy.

01:42:38.000 Yeah.

01:42:38.000 They look happy.

01:42:39.000 They must have been rescued. 1.00

01:42:40.000 That's crazy shit. 1.00

01:42:41.000 Is that the movie? 1.00

01:42:42.000 That's the movie.

01:42:43.000 That's the movie. 1.00

01:42:43.000 That's the bullshit. 1.00

01:42:44.000 That was the movie. 1.00

01:42:45.000 What's the real image?

01:42:46.000 That's the real image?

01:42:46.000 There it is.

01:42:47.000 Wow. 1.00

01:42:48.000 That's fucked, man. 1.00

01:42:49.000 Can you imagine? 1.00

01:42:50.000 How long did they live up there for?

01:42:52.000 72 days, it says.

01:42:53.000 Oh, Jesus, that's a long time to be eating people.

01:42:56.000 You know?

01:42:57.000 You'd get old, too.

01:42:58.000 You'd be like, this guy's fingers don't taste good anymore.

01:43:01.000 They're eating everything frozen, too.

01:43:02.000 I don't even know if they can make fires. 1.00

01:43:04.000 They're scooping, like, they're using a spoon to scoop your asshole out. 1.00

01:43:09.000 They use your butthole as a fucking bowl. 1.00

01:43:12.000 They're just putting stuff in your butthole as a bowl. 1.00

01:43:13.000 Had they figured out fire? 0.98

01:43:15.000 Like, how to make a fire up there?

01:43:16.000 I think they did.

01:43:18.000 What would they even burn?

01:43:19.000 Oh, wow.

01:43:20.000 Is those real bodies?

01:43:21.000 No.

01:43:22.000 You keep showing us pictures of the movie.

01:43:24.000 But what would they burn?

01:43:25.000 They'd burn whatever's inside that plane left over, like clothes, shirts.

01:43:27.000 That would go quick.

01:43:28.000 Yeah.

01:43:28.000 That would go quick.

01:43:29.000 You gotta find some woods.

01:43:30.000 You gotta find some trees.

01:43:31.000 There's nothing up there.

01:43:32.000 They're way above the timber line.

01:43:34.000 Yeah.

01:43:34.000 And probably a bunch of people broken up.

01:43:37.000 They probably have bad backs and fucked up legs and shit from the accident. 1.00

01:43:41.000 I remember that movie was so fucked up. 1.00

01:43:44.000 It's a terrifying thing. 0.99

01:43:47.000 12,000 feet altitude, too.

01:43:49.000 Woo! 0.99

01:43:49.000 Wait, 12,000? 0.99

01:43:50.000 11,800.

01:43:51.000 That's like literally just above the Timber.

01:43:53.000 Or no, no, no.

01:43:54.000 No, Timberline is like 13,500 or something like that.

01:43:57.000 You know what they give you when you have altitude sickness and you're at that height?

01:44:00.000 Cialis.

01:44:01.000 Boner pills?

01:44:02.000 Boner pills.

01:44:03.000 They want you to get hard so you just stop thinking about it?

01:44:05.000 Boner pills.

01:44:06.000 Yeah.

01:44:06.000 They give you a bottle of whiskey.

01:44:07.000 Skiing down the hill with just a fucking hard dick. 1.00

01:44:10.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00

01:44:12.000 What those things do is dilate.

01:44:15.000 They dilate your blood vessels, and apparently that helps you breathe easier when you're at high altitude.

01:44:21.000 Well, it definitely does, because we go to Breckenridge every year.

01:44:24.000 We have family up there, and we sleep.

01:44:27.000 Their house is halfway up the side mountain.

01:44:30.000 We sleep at about 11,200 feet.

01:44:35.000 That takes a while to adapt to.

01:44:37.000 It's not easy.

01:44:37.000 Well, if we go to Denver for three or four days, but three days beforehand, you get...

01:44:41.000 A little.

01:44:41.000 It's easier.

01:44:42.000 You get a little bump.

01:44:43.000 Easier.

01:44:43.000 Yeah.

01:44:44.000 But...

01:44:44.000 What else is...

01:44:47.000 There's another one that's just that...

01:44:49.000 Almost the same kind of...

01:44:50.000 Breck is one of the highest out there.

01:44:52.000 But yeah, we sleep at like 11, too.

01:44:54.000 It's anywhere from 10-7 right near the house and then to 11-2 is where it usually ends up.

01:44:59.000 Because I've got my altimeter on my phone.

01:45:00.000 I'm always like, I wonder how high.

01:45:02.000 Yeah, I use one of those too.

01:45:03.000 I love that.

01:45:04.000 I always like knowing.

01:45:05.000 And doesn't it work even if you don't have service?

01:45:07.000 Yeah.

01:45:07.000 How does that work?

01:45:08.000 Well, dude, the things are still sending data even if you don't have service.

01:45:11.000 GPS. Yeah.

01:45:12.000 Yeah, we've just accepted that the government's tracking us, right?

01:45:15.000 I'm fine with it.

01:45:15.000 Well, dude, when I first got to Japan, the first thing that I did, I was like...

01:45:18.000 Hello!

01:45:20.000 Konnichiwa! 0.97

01:45:21.000 It flips over, and it tells you exactly where you are.

01:45:23.000 There was no service on it.

01:45:25.000 It was like, boop, pinpoint it.

01:45:26.000 Google Maps was like, whoop, you're right there.

01:45:27.000 Whoa.

01:45:28.000 It's a trip, dude.

01:45:29.000 It's never not sending and receiving data.

01:45:31.000 Right, constantly.

01:45:32.000 Even on airplane mode, still sending and receiving data.

01:45:34.000 Well, I knew this lady used to work for CNN, and when she would go to places, if you had an iPhone, like she would go to these Middle Eastern places to have to talk to people and interview them, they would take your phone away if you had an iPhone. 1.00

01:45:45.000 If you had an Android phone, they'd take the battery out in the olden days.

01:45:48.000 Right.

01:45:48.000 But if you had an iPhone, they'd just say, no, we're taking that phone.

01:45:51.000 Shit. 1.00

01:45:51.000 You're being tracked and listened to. 1.00

01:45:53.000 100%.

01:45:54.000 Period. 1.00

01:45:54.000 You're in some fucking Bahrain place, some weird... 1.00

01:45:58.000 And they take away your iPhone? 1.00

01:45:59.000 Take away your phone. 1.00

01:46:00.000 That's fucked. 1.00

01:46:00.000 What you'd meet with these people. 1.00

01:46:02.000 Do you do that at shows, by the way?

01:46:03.000 I do now.

01:46:05.000 Do you do the pouch thing?

01:46:06.000 The Yonder Patches?

01:46:07.000 Pouches, rather?

01:46:08.000 Dude, it's amazing.

01:46:09.000 That's a great idea, I've heard.

01:46:10.000 It changes the game.

01:46:11.000 It changes the show.

01:46:12.000 It's like, first of all, you could always, if you have important phone calls, all you have to do is just leave the room.

01:46:16.000 The phone will ring, you leave the room, you open the pouch, once you get out of the room, you can come back in, put it back in the pouch, you come back in.

01:46:23.000 So wait, the pouches are not with them, though?

01:46:24.000 The pouch is with you.

01:46:25.000 Oh, you save the pouch.

01:46:26.000 They have the key up front?

01:46:27.000 Yes, it's all locked up.

01:46:28.000 Right.

01:46:28.000 And when you go out, they open it up.

01:46:30.000 Like people, I'm not giving my phone up.

01:46:32.000 You don't have to give your phone up.

01:46:33.000 It's in your hands.

01:46:33.000 But you're in this pouch, and when you go out, they open the pouch.

01:46:37.000 It takes three seconds.

01:46:38.000 It opens up.

01:46:38.000 You get the phone out.

01:46:39.000 So if you, like, say if you have a babysitter at your house or something like that, you think there's a real issue, you can check it.

01:46:45.000 But in the pouch, it doesn't disable the phone from getting service or anything.

01:46:48.000 No.

01:46:49.000 See, that's what I think they should figure out.

01:46:51.000 Well, that would be a problem if there was an emergency, though.

01:46:54.000 See, that would prevent...

01:46:55.000 See, what the thing is that's good about the pouch is that if you really, like, if there's some critical issue that you think could come up, you know your phone's ringing, like, okay, I'm gonna leave the room.

01:47:04.000 But then it gives people incentive to still have their phone on to ring.

01:47:06.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:47:07.000 That is true.

01:47:08.000 That is true.

01:47:09.000 See, that, to me, is saying, like, you know...

01:47:12.000 That's true.

01:47:12.000 How often do the emergency...

01:47:13.000 If the show is two hours...

01:47:15.000 Right.

01:47:16.000 ...and an emergency happens within that gap of time of two hours, isn't that the universe just being like, this is life?

01:47:22.000 You have kids.

01:47:23.000 Nobody wants to hear that.

01:47:24.000 No, totally.

01:47:25.000 I get that.

01:47:25.000 But it's also like, I just feel like, you know, I don't know.

01:47:28.000 Dude, this show is so much fucking better.

01:47:30.000 It's way better without the phones. 0.90

01:47:31.000 Have you done one of those shows?

01:47:32.000 No.

01:47:33.000 You should come with me.

01:47:34.000 We'll do a gig together.

01:47:35.000 Yeah, I would love that.

01:47:36.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:47:36.000 Because the idea of it, I thought when I heard it, I was like, that's the most brilliant shit I've ever heard in my life. 0.96

01:47:40.000 It's phenomenal. 0.98

01:47:41.000 I'm telling you, it's phenomenal.

01:47:42.000 And I think it gets people mentally in a place where they're like, I'm just going to enjoy the show.

01:47:45.000 Exactly. 0.99

01:47:45.000 Yeah, I don't have to fucking think about nonsense. 0.99

01:47:47.000 Dude, everybody's got their phone up. 0.99

01:47:49.000 Everywhere you go, they have their phone up filming everything.

01:47:51.000 They want to film everything, they want to take pictures of everything, and it's a distraction.

01:47:54.000 I just want to go see a friend of a friend play, you know, like a band and...

01:47:59.000 Even at like small nonsense venues, people still have their phone. 0.64

01:48:02.000 I'm not talking like, you know, it's like fucking, you know, a massively famous, like Bruno Mars, like every kid I'm sure is like, the whole time. 0.94

01:48:10.000 Of course. 0.94

01:48:10.000 This is even like a small, tiny little venue where I was like, What? 0.94

01:48:13.000 It's like 80 people all have their phones out too?

01:48:15.000 I thought those would just be a little bit more chill.

01:48:18.000 I think it's less of an issue with music, although some people do have an issue with it.

01:48:22.000 But with music, you already know the songs.

01:48:27.000 Yeah.

01:48:27.000 Like with jokes.

01:48:28.000 Like say if you're working on a new hour.

01:48:30.000 Right.

01:48:30.000 And you go to the Laugh Factory and five people in the audience are filming you and they want to put it on YouTube.

01:48:35.000 Like your jokes are half cooked.

01:48:37.000 You're trying...

01:48:38.000 Comedy is one of the weird art forms because you have to practice it in front of other people, right? 0.95

01:48:43.000 You could write it alone, but you really don't know how it goes together until you try it in front of other people and Out of all the bits that you have how many of them start off and they eat dick most Almost all of them. 0.96

01:48:56.000 There's like one or two that you do that you right away that hits and you're like, all right, fuck yeah, all right, that's good. 0.63

01:49:00.000 So many of them start desperately bad and try to figure out how to make them work. 0.95

01:49:03.000 I know there's something there somewhere. 0.99

01:49:05.000 Where the fuck is it, you know? 0.98

01:49:07.000 And you're trying to convey that to them. 0.99

01:49:09.000 You're like, trust me, this is not, you just haven't heard it yet.

01:49:12.000 Yeah, it's just, you'll hear it in a year.

01:49:15.000 Come back in a year, the ship will be golden.

01:49:18.000 And even then, like, even when you got something down, like, sometimes I take a chance with it.

01:49:21.000 Like, maybe I'm not totally done with this. 0.75

01:49:23.000 Maybe I'll take it on a left turn, like, ooh, oh, I fucked up the end.

01:49:25.000 I like stuff when I find that I tried once and I hated it, and, like, a year later, and then I tried again and it works.

01:49:31.000 Yeah, that's weird, right?

01:49:31.000 That I love, yeah.

01:49:33.000 But you don't even know why.

01:49:34.000 Like, what's wrong with me then and right with me now?

01:49:37.000 Something about the rhythm of the way you even thought about it.

01:49:39.000 Like, I think sometimes when I get an idea of a joke and the rhythm of the joke I can't even find, like, I'm like, I don't even know why.

01:49:45.000 I just kind of like the idea of that for some reason.

01:49:47.000 And then a year or two later you're like, Something else usually happens that goes that's just like when I felt blank and then these things kind of like mesh together.

01:49:55.000 It was just like the missing piece.

01:49:56.000 Well, what's in your head is so important. 0.93

01:49:59.000 That's why Theo Vaughn's so fucking funny. 0.94

01:50:01.000 It's my guy. 0.99

01:50:02.000 Because Theo's act is like so ridiculous. 0.98

01:50:05.000 Oh man, yeah. 0.96

01:50:06.000 And when you see it, if you saw it on paper, There's a lot of bits that you'd see on paper, you go, what is that?

01:50:11.000 That's funny?

01:50:12.000 And then you see him live, you're like, ah!

01:50:15.000 It's amazing.

01:50:15.000 Because in his head, he knows why that's funny.

01:50:18.000 He knows why that's funny, and then he tells it to you in the way that it's going on in his head, and you start fucking howling. 0.87

01:50:24.000 But if you're not totally sure if it's funny, which you usually aren't when you're trying something out on stage, they can kind of tell that you're not totally sure it's funny.

01:50:34.000 So if someone films that and then puts it on YouTube, that's not good. 0.51

01:50:38.000 Like, say maybe I'm an Andrew Santino fan, and I go, ah, his new bits kind of suck.

01:50:41.000 Like, no, you haven't really seen him. 0.70

01:50:44.000 This is an embryo.

01:50:46.000 Yeah, you saw the beginning stages of what is going to be.

01:50:50.000 Yeah, that's the whole filming of shows.

01:50:54.000 And they bust people at the store all the time for trying to do that.

01:50:57.000 But there's still people that try to get away with it, that you see poking up their phones.

01:51:00.000 Some of them are just fans.

01:51:01.000 Some of them are just fans.

01:51:02.000 I would say most people are just a fan.

01:51:04.000 They just want to have that little piece. 0.99

01:51:06.000 But I just think there's always fucking people that are up to no good. 0.99

01:51:08.000 Well, there's always people that are just, first of all, there's people that if you're a performer and they're not a performer, they don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:51:15.000 Totally. 0.97

01:51:16.000 They're not looking out for you. 1.00

01:51:17.000 Hey, I'm a fucking audience member. 0.99

01:51:19.000 You worry about what you're doing. 1.00

01:51:21.000 I'm a fucking guy who films. 1.00

01:51:23.000 I paid to be here, Pear. 1.00

01:51:25.000 That's what I do, alright?

01:51:26.000 I'm a filmer guy, and you're a performer guy. 1.00

01:51:28.000 So fucking perform while I film. 0.99

01:51:31.000 This next performer guy coming to the stage, you're gonna love him. 1.00

01:51:34.000 Someone said this to Sturgill. 0.99

01:51:36.000 Sturgill Simpson comes up to him in an airport and sticks a fucking camera in his face while he's talking to his friend. 0.99

01:51:41.000 Him and his friend are talking, and the guy's like holding the camera. 0.99

01:51:43.000 He's like, what are you doing, man?

01:51:44.000 He goes, hey, it's the price you paid, bro.

01:51:46.000 That's what he says to them.

01:51:47.000 It's the price you pay. 1.00

01:51:49.000 Nothing drives me more insane when people say shit like that. 1.00

01:51:51.000 It's the price you pay. 1.00

01:51:51.000 I just decided. 1.00

01:51:53.000 That's what comes along with the territory.

01:51:55.000 Pay a tax, bro.

01:51:56.000 Time to pay the fame tax.

01:51:58.000 Fame tax!

01:51:59.000 Stand in front of you while you talk to your friend.

01:52:01.000 Like in any other...

01:52:02.000 In the world, that would be so rude. 0.99

01:52:03.000 Like, if you were just standing by, talking to your friend, and both of you were insurance salesmen, and a guy came up and put a phone in your face, you'd be like, who the fuck is this guy? 0.98

01:52:12.000 I'm insured by State Farm, so I get to do this. 0.98

01:52:14.000 Hey, hey, it's price you pay.

01:52:16.000 You want to be in public?

01:52:16.000 I get to film you.

01:52:20.000 That's a thing that people have decided, right?

01:52:23.000 Some people in their head, like this guy with the camera, that if you are a famous person, like anything you do, I'm allowed to film you.

01:52:29.000 Everywhere you go, I'm allowed to take pictures.

01:52:31.000 Because there's this big disconnect that people that are famous are people.

01:52:36.000 There's this thing that's like, no, you're ours now.

01:52:38.000 We made you famous, so now you're ours.

01:52:41.000 Whatever we want from you. 0.82

01:52:42.000 That idea is fucking crazy to me, that someone's like, they're barely human sometimes. 0.98

01:52:46.000 They don't treat people like, they're not human, they're just... 0.97

01:52:48.000 You know who's pretty good at it, pretty good, is the TMZ guys.

01:52:52.000 For the most part.

01:52:53.000 They come up to you with the cameras.

01:52:54.000 They're very good guys.

01:52:56.000 Like, for the most part.

01:52:57.000 A lot of them are actually comics.

01:52:59.000 They do it as side gigs.

01:53:00.000 A few of them, I knew war comics, yeah, for sure.

01:53:01.000 Yeah, they're just struggling, and they meet people at the airport and ask them weird questions and shit.

01:53:05.000 Most of the time, it's no big deal. 0.95

01:53:07.000 Asiago cheese or cheddar?

01:53:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:08.000 What?

01:53:09.000 What? 1.00

01:53:10.000 They have the fucking weird... 0.99

01:53:12.000 Sometimes the questions are so like... 0.99

01:53:13.000 Yeah.

01:53:14.000 Well, they're just trying to get at something.

01:53:16.000 But that's how they're getting by, you know?

01:53:18.000 Totally.

01:53:18.000 But it's just...

01:53:19.000 There's almost never a good idea to answer those questions.

01:53:23.000 No, dude. 1.00

01:53:23.000 You can look like a fucking idiot no matter what. 1.00

01:53:26.000 Like, someone got Anthony Bourdain at the airport, and they said, if you were gonna cook dinner for Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un, what would you serve? 1.00

01:53:34.000 And he says, hemlock. 1.00

01:53:35.000 And then all the MAGA assholes went fucking crazy. 1.00

01:53:38.000 That's a poison! 1.00

01:53:39.000 He's threatening to kill the president! 0.94

01:53:41.000 Someone immediately called the Secret Service and get arrested! 1.00

01:53:47.000 Fucking MAGA hats all filled with sweat around the brim. 1.00

01:53:51.000 Funky like a foot. 1.00

01:53:53.000 His hat smells like a foot. 1.00

01:53:54.000 He's gonna kill the president. 0.99

01:53:56.000 Mr. Secret Service agent, I want you to arrest Anthony Bourdain. 0.98

01:54:03.000 There's no joking about the president.

01:54:07.000 Meanwhile, all he does is crack jokes.

01:54:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:10.000 I wish he really did say that, that motherfucker line while he was president. 0.99

01:54:14.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:54:14.000 Come on. 1.00

01:54:15.000 I mean, that shit would be hilarious. 1.00

01:54:17.000 If he did that as president, what would everybody do? 1.00

01:54:19.000 Go, you're not allowed to do that, sir.

01:54:21.000 You are right now the president.

01:54:23.000 Do not.

01:54:24.000 Do not cuss.

01:54:25.000 That's kind of like a...

01:54:26.000 But I think that when he tweeted at Kim Jong Un and called him Little Rocket Man...

01:54:29.000 That was hilarious.

01:54:30.000 That was so funny.

01:54:31.000 That was hilarious.

01:54:31.000 That was just plain funny.

01:54:33.000 Did you see the one tweet?

01:54:34.000 He goes, I don't know why Kim Jong Un said I was old.

01:54:37.000 I would never say he's short and fat.

01:54:41.000 That's like a return to like a...

01:54:43.000 It's like a comic.

01:54:44.000 Yeah.

01:54:44.000 That's like, I don't smack the...

01:54:45.000 go to your work and smack the dick out of your mouth. 1.00

01:54:47.000 It's like the exact same thing. 1.00

01:54:48.000 That is it.

01:54:50.000 That's so funny.

01:54:51.000 But I mean, the fact that he just...

01:54:52.000 Like, this was...

01:54:53.000 This is the president saying this.

01:54:55.000 It's funny. 0.99

01:54:56.000 Like, it's fucking hilarious. 0.96

01:54:57.000 But meanwhile, Kim Jong-un now wants to sign a peace treaty. 0.95

01:55:01.000 They want to meet.

01:55:01.000 They're going to meet.

01:55:02.000 They're going to meet.

01:55:02.000 Nobody wanted to meet with him before.

01:55:04.000 I don't know.

01:55:04.000 Everybody's like, there's too dangerous.

01:55:06.000 I would never call him short and fat.

01:55:08.000 Oh, well, I try so hard to be his friend, and maybe someday that'll happen! 1.00

01:55:12.000 Yeah, see, he shits on you, shows you the consequences of you fucking with him, and then he opens up the door. 1.00

01:55:18.000 By the way, that's kind of what we do anyway. 1.00

01:55:19.000 That's like what friends do, that you shit on each other, and then you're like, dude, I love you, it's because I fucking... 0.99

01:55:23.000 Maybe someday that will happen. 0.99

01:55:24.000 Oh, well, I try so hard to be his friend.

01:55:27.000 This guy.

01:55:28.000 Come on, man. 0.97

01:55:30.000 Look, there's a lot of things this guy does wrong, but he is fucking entertaining. 0.98

01:55:35.000 He's very entertaining. 0.98

01:55:36.000 There's never been a more entertaining president.

01:55:39.000 Not even close.

01:55:40.000 No. 0.99

01:55:40.000 He is the fucking grand champion of being an entertaining president. 0.99

01:55:44.000 As long as he doesn't blow us up and he gets out without getting in a box. 0.99

01:55:48.000 Like, it's highly possible he doesn't make it out of this one alive.

01:55:51.000 But if he does, if he gets through the whole thing...

01:55:54.000 I think he's gonna be good.

01:55:55.000 You think so?

01:55:55.000 I think he'll be fine.

01:55:56.000 Let me say this.

01:55:57.000 Whether it lasts four years or eight years, and look at all these, and a lot of liberals are like, what?

01:56:02.000 Never!

01:56:03.000 Never!

01:56:03.000 Never Trump!

01:56:04.000 Never Trump!

01:56:05.000 If it lasts four or eight years, the one thing that we will all say, we'll look back on, we'll go, man, that's crazy.

01:56:11.000 It took that thing for us to talk about a lot of things.

01:56:14.000 Like, the Me Too movement would have never happened if Hillary got in office. 1.00

01:56:17.000 Ever.

01:56:17.000 Yeah, it would've.

01:56:18.000 Sure.

01:56:19.000 I don't think so, man.

01:56:20.000 If Harvey Weinstein got exposed, the Harvey Weinstein thing was so egregious.

01:56:24.000 But I think all those things were tumble effects of what happened with him.

01:56:26.000 I agree, too.

01:56:27.000 But I think it all helped in together.

01:56:30.000 I'm just saying, I bet you the Harvey thing wouldn't have been so real had Hillary gotten in. 0.60

01:56:35.000 Because all the liberals that condemned all the liberals, like all the liberals that called out people like Harvey and everyone in our business, They would have been so gleeful of this Hillary thing.

01:56:43.000 I think that would have still been like, well, we'll cover it up like we've been doing for the past.

01:56:47.000 No.

01:56:48.000 But it's not like it just started.

01:56:49.000 It's been going on.

01:56:50.000 Right.

01:56:51.000 Why now?

01:56:51.000 But they suppressed stories before because they got these people to suppress.

01:56:55.000 I just didn't think the power of social media is just expanding.

01:56:57.000 I think the timing was perfect with Trump.

01:56:59.000 I'm just saying, I think those things led to it just being like, all right, that's it.

01:57:03.000 We have to do something about it.

01:57:04.000 I think it was definitely a factor.

01:57:05.000 But I bet you it wouldn't have happened so fast with Hillary.

01:57:07.000 I bet you that would have been a longer road.

01:57:08.000 Oh yeah, dude.

01:57:10.000 Because liberals would have gotten exactly what they wanted.

01:57:12.000 The only way it would have been a longer road is because Weinstein supported Hillary's campaign.

01:57:16.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:57:16.000 That is possible.

01:57:17.000 They're all part of the same...

01:57:18.000 Because there was a lot of photos of them together.

01:57:21.000 Him with Obama.

01:57:22.000 Dude, he's got photos with everybody.

01:57:24.000 Yeah, everybody.

01:57:24.000 Him just hugging up on all these people that call him a monster now.

01:57:28.000 Yeah, dude, thumbs up.

01:57:30.000 He's a god.

01:57:30.000 Didn't Meryl Streep say he was a god?

01:57:32.000 Yeah, a godsend.

01:57:33.000 Yeah, a godsend.

01:57:34.000 But that's the same thing with Trump, though.

01:57:36.000 Like, how many celebrities do you see with pictures of Trump?

01:57:38.000 It's hysterical. 0.99

01:57:38.000 People that are diehard liberals that are like, be your best buds and all that shit. 0.99

01:57:42.000 They asked me to do The Apprentice when I was doing the second round of Fear Factor. 0.97

01:57:46.000 And you said, no way.

01:57:47.000 I don't want to live in New York for three months.

01:57:50.000 My youngest kid was very young.

01:57:52.000 Who was going to be on the show?

01:57:54.000 I don't know.

01:57:55.000 I have no idea.

01:57:55.000 I would have loved to see who you would have gone up with.

01:57:57.000 Dude, I would have been so...

01:57:58.000 Dennis Rodman.

01:57:59.000 Non-competitive. 1.00

01:58:01.000 I would have been high as fuck. 1.00

01:58:02.000 Cindy Lauper. 1.00

01:58:03.000 Just having a good time.

01:58:03.000 I would have tried to come up with a good idea.

01:58:05.000 And if it didn't work out, eh.

01:58:06.000 Yeah, but you would have won.

01:58:07.000 That's why, because you didn't care.

01:58:08.000 What are you going to do?

01:58:08.000 Yeah, the people that care, that's who loses.

01:58:10.000 I don't know, man.

01:58:11.000 I cared so little that I probably would lose.

01:58:15.000 I think you'd win.

01:58:15.000 I probably would barely be paying attention.

01:58:17.000 That's who wins. 1.00

01:58:17.000 The person that's like, eh, fucking maybe. 1.00

01:58:18.000 Don't you have to be good at business? 1.00

01:58:19.000 I'm fucking terrible at business. 0.98

01:58:21.000 Dude, do you see some of the people on that show? 0.99

01:58:22.000 They're all winging it.

01:58:24.000 I don't.

01:58:24.000 No, I mean, but like who they cast on it, they wing it.

01:58:26.000 It's like whoever they get.

01:58:27.000 This is, I've seen literally 13 seconds of that show, and it's all clips.

01:58:30.000 You're fired.

01:58:31.000 You're fired.

01:58:32.000 That's the best clip?

01:58:32.000 You're fired.

01:58:34.000 You're fired.

01:58:35.000 I just, I don't get it.

01:58:37.000 You're fired.

01:58:38.000 I just, it just didn't seem like a fun show.

01:58:40.000 Joe, I wish you came on.

01:58:41.000 You're fired.

01:58:42.000 I would have McDonald's with you. 1.00

01:58:44.000 Mmm, I don't eat that shit. 1.00

01:58:45.000 I do. 1.00

01:58:46.000 I'll eat yours.

01:58:47.000 He eats fried chicken with a fork and a knife.

01:58:49.000 Dude, he's a comic act.

01:58:51.000 He is a comic act.

01:58:52.000 He is a cartoon.

01:58:54.000 He's an odd human, that's for sure.

01:58:56.000 Do you think he's going to run again?

01:58:58.000 100%.

01:58:58.000 Right.

01:58:59.000 But he's going to win again.

01:59:00.000 100%.

01:59:01.000 He's going to win again?

01:59:01.000 Yeah.

01:59:02.000 Wow.

01:59:02.000 And I'm not saying, like, of course, there's people that are probably like, what's up with the Santino guy?

01:59:06.000 What is this fuck? 1.00

01:59:07.000 Dude, I just think... 1.00

01:59:07.000 You need to come to my Boyle Hearts gallery and see my Never Trump exhibit that was burned to the ground by Mexicans. 1.00

01:59:14.000 How ironic. 0.60

01:59:15.000 Nazi coffee.

01:59:17.000 I just think he's going to win again.

01:59:18.000 I just do.

01:59:19.000 I think unless the Democrats can pull something together in the next year and a half, two years, there's someone that actually is like a formidable component.

01:59:24.000 Well, my activism is going to prevent that.

01:59:30.000 I just think he's going to go again.

01:59:32.000 He might.

01:59:33.000 Look, if he's smart, and he clearly is a very clever man, if he's a clever man, it's entirely possible that he's got one round in the chamber for right around six to eight weeks out before the election. 0.94

01:59:49.000 One thing where he lets something happen, or shit goes down, and he has the perfect solution to put out that fire. 0.97

01:59:56.000 May's good to go. 0.99

01:59:57.000 They planned that stuff, man.

01:59:59.000 Totally, man.

01:59:59.000 They absolutely do.

02:00:00.000 There's people working on it right now.

02:00:01.000 The moment you get into office, they're trying to keep you in office.

02:00:04.000 And sometimes people die.

02:00:06.000 Sometimes people die.

02:00:08.000 People die.

02:00:09.000 Yeah, sometimes people die, and it's just, hey, what are you going to do?

02:00:13.000 What is this?

02:00:14.000 President of Justice of the Marines.

02:00:15.000 What'd he say?

02:00:16.000 He wants soldiers in space.

02:00:17.000 He wants to create a space force.

02:00:19.000 Oh, what? 1.00

02:00:20.000 Dude, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:00:22.000 What'd he say? 1.00

02:00:23.000 Let's shoot up the... 0.99

02:00:34.000 What? 0.94

02:00:34.000 I don't like the way he says this. 0.94

02:00:36.000 And she.

02:00:38.000 They even have a space force.

02:00:40.000 Space force.

02:00:41.000 We have the air force.

02:00:41.000 We have the space force.

02:00:44.000 We have the army, the navy.

02:00:45.000 We have the Navy and a Space Force.

02:00:47.000 So what he does is he has a bunch of buddies that make spaceships. 0.99

02:00:50.000 So what he's going to do is make a fucking deal, make a nice deal, make a nice deal. 0.99

02:00:55.000 We sat down, we cut a nice deal. 0.99

02:00:56.000 And they're going to take another four trillion dollars and pump it into the Space Force. 0.98

02:01:02.000 And then they're all going to wear Luke Skywalker outfits.

02:01:05.000 They're all going to wear some sort of crazy space suit that looks dope.

02:01:09.000 And we're going to be all on board.

02:01:10.000 Yeah, Space Force!

02:01:11.000 Space war.

02:01:11.000 Space war, dude.

02:01:12.000 Tight.

02:01:12.000 Can you imagine if we start seeing overhead, like we're in the sky, in the night sky, and you see rocket ships flying back and forth.

02:01:21.000 So cool.

02:01:21.000 Part of that Tesla thing, they were showing the US Air Force some maneuverability thing, whatever that was.

02:01:28.000 The last hour of the test, the experiment, was showing them something that they could do that wasn't really being talked about.

02:01:35.000 Elon Musk shooting that car into space is so funny.

02:01:38.000 Trump must make so many people nervous in other countries.

02:01:41.000 Like, just have him talking about a space war.

02:01:44.000 Just talking so flippantly.

02:01:47.000 I think a lot of people in other countries like him.

02:01:49.000 I think they're enamored by his just complete disregard for rules. 1.00

02:01:55.000 I think people love that he just doesn't give a shit. 0.99

02:01:57.000 You think so? 1.00

02:01:58.000 I think most countries are terrified.

02:02:00.000 I don't know, man.

02:02:01.000 That this guy is running America. 0.97

02:02:02.000 I think like our friends do, but I think the majority of the other countries that don't give a shit about us are like, that guy's great. 0.99

02:02:09.000 I think our friendly countries, you know, like England, I'm sure is like, he's a nuisance, you know, but I think countries that don't give a fuck about us are like, that guy's hilarious, that guy's a weirdo. 0.98

02:02:18.000 Space war. 0.96

02:02:18.000 Imagine we had a space war with Russia. 0.96

02:02:21.000 That would be fucking awesome. 0.99

02:02:23.000 It'd be a great movie. 0.98

02:02:24.000 Like, how do we stop a war from breaking out?

02:02:27.000 Who is going to stop a war from breaking out?

02:02:29.000 Nobody.

02:02:30.000 It seems like they just keep pushing each other. 0.88

02:02:32.000 Like, someone's going to throw a sucker punch.

02:02:34.000 Yeah, it's going to happen. 0.88

02:02:34.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.88

02:02:36.000 Talking some shit? 1.00

02:02:37.000 Yeah, let's do it. 1.00

02:02:38.000 And then finally... 0.99

02:02:39.000 They're in the fucking hallway. 0.99

02:02:41.000 They're pushing each other. 1.00

02:02:42.000 Right.

02:02:43.000 No one wants to step to the left.

02:02:44.000 We keep hitting one or two books out of each other's hands.

02:02:46.000 Yeah.

02:02:47.000 And it's always right there.

02:02:49.000 It's always right there.

02:02:52.000 Then finally someone takes the hit.

02:02:54.000 Yeah.

02:02:56.000 I mean, it could easily happen with some little banana republic, right? 1.00

02:03:00.000 That could start it off. 1.00

02:03:02.000 Some crazy dictator in Venezuela or some shit could send a missile at some other dude and fuck him up, and they're like, oh, bitch, is that what we're doing now? 1.00

02:03:10.000 And then we back this company, and then the Russians back the other guys, and next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire, and we're in a fucking war. 1.00

02:03:18.000 I mean, we're so weird about war.

02:03:21.000 It's like we accept the fact that war exists, but only when it's not near us.

02:03:26.000 Not really interested in war.

02:03:27.000 That's close.

02:03:28.000 Can't be here.

02:03:28.000 Like, we have war in Afghanistan.

02:03:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's inevitable.

02:03:31.000 But war over here is like, no.

02:03:33.000 No way.

02:03:34.000 No way.

02:03:34.000 Not on my land.

02:03:35.000 You can't.

02:03:36.000 But if we're going to have war over here, I hope we can contain it to, like... 0.57

02:03:40.000 You know, like North Dakota or somewhere where I'm not near.

02:03:43.000 Yeah, some weird spot.

02:03:44.000 Some spot where we're like, dude, fight in the middle. 0.98

02:03:45.000 There's not a lot of shit. 0.99

02:03:46.000 Go over this spot. 0.98

02:03:47.000 You can have that area.

02:03:48.000 Go fight right here. 0.93

02:03:49.000 Yeah.

02:03:50.000 If we fight right here, it'd be good.

02:03:51.000 We all designated this is a place we meet. 0.99

02:03:54.000 We fuck each other up. 0.99

02:03:55.000 What's date? 1.00

02:03:56.000 Huh?

02:03:56.000 Connecticut.

02:03:57.000 Connecticut.

02:03:57.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:03:58.000 Nobody would cry.

02:03:59.000 Nah. 1.00

02:04:00.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:04:01.000 That's like after-school fistfights of like, meet you in the secret garden, dude, I'm gonna fuck you up, you know, and you'd wait all day, people'd be talking about it, like you heard about the fight. 1.00

02:04:08.000 You're a badass, bro? 0.97

02:04:09.000 You're a badass, bro?

02:04:10.000 Meet me in Connecticut.

02:04:13.000 You want to solve this the right way, dog?

02:04:15.000 Meet me in Connecticut.

02:04:16.000 I hope we don't get into war.

02:04:18.000 No.

02:04:19.000 But we're in one.

02:04:20.000 Yeah.

02:04:20.000 See?

02:04:21.000 That's the thing.

02:04:21.000 We are.

02:04:22.000 We're in one with some dudes who ride goats and they live in the mountains.

02:04:25.000 Yeah.

02:04:25.000 We're in one with those guys.

02:04:26.000 But yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:04:27.000 But it's over there.

02:04:28.000 I go to Starbucks every day.

02:04:29.000 I don't feel it.

02:04:30.000 That's what it is.

02:04:31.000 I don't even notice that we're at the war.

02:04:32.000 I go to get my Nazi coffee out in Boyle Heights and I'm straight. 0.86

02:04:35.000 It's white people coffee. 0.90

02:04:36.000 Weird white people coffee. 0.92

02:04:38.000 WP coffee. 1.00

02:04:40.000 It's just crazy that they could just scream, fuck white people. 1.00

02:04:43.000 And everybody's like, well, you know, they don't want to be gentrified. 1.00

02:04:47.000 No, that's not what they're saying.

02:04:50.000 That's not what they're saying.

02:04:51.000 I mean, they don't want white people moving in and opening up galleries. 0.99

02:04:54.000 You know what's another part of it?

02:04:55.000 This is where it gets really weird.

02:04:56.000 So I went in a rabbit hole.

02:04:57.000 I started reading a lot of things about it.

02:04:59.000 What I read was that part of it Is being hijacked by white artists that don't like the people that own the gallery.

02:05:08.000 So they get on the side of the people that want no gentrification and they sabotage the gallery because they have a personal feud with the guy who owns the gallery. 1.00

02:05:16.000 That's so fucked. 0.99

02:05:17.000 So there was a lot of that. 1.00

02:05:18.000 There was white artists that were teaming up against the white people.

02:05:22.000 They're teaming up on the side of the Hispanics. 0.68

02:05:25.000 Yeah.

02:05:26.000 Mexicans, Latinos.

02:05:27.000 I mean, I don't know if it's all Mexicans.

02:05:30.000 I mean, the east side is heavy.

02:05:32.000 It's Honduran.

02:05:33.000 I mean, it's just that neighborhood.

02:05:35.000 It's generally known as a Latino neighborhood.

02:05:38.000 Totally.

02:05:39.000 And these people want to keep it that way. 1.00

02:05:42.000 But it's just so fucked up. 1.00

02:05:44.000 Imagine if that was white people. 1.00

02:05:46.000 If brown people were moving in and white people were going, fuck brown art and fuck this. 1.00

02:05:52.000 Nazis hate racism. 1.00

02:05:54.000 Fuck brown art. 1.00

02:05:55.000 But if it's against white people, we don't automatically see it as racism, including the people that are saying, fuck white art. 1.00

02:06:02.000 Like, they don't think of it as racism. 0.99

02:06:04.000 Because it's against the people that are moving in that happen to be wealthy, that can afford to buy.

02:06:09.000 Totally.

02:06:09.000 They're pushing people out.

02:06:10.000 So, if you say, fuck white people, it's not racist. 1.00

02:06:13.000 But the same people that agree with that? 1.00

02:06:15.000 You know the same people that are like...

02:06:16.000 Yeah.

02:06:17.000 Like the same white people that agree with the protesting?

02:06:20.000 They're rich.

02:06:22.000 They're already up there anyway.

02:06:23.000 There's a little of that.

02:06:24.000 And it's just it's convenient because they're not that thing.

02:06:27.000 It's like I read this one woman was tweeting that here's an unpopular opinion. 1.00

02:06:32.000 I'm not at all uncomfortable about the idea of men being falsely accused of sexual assault and sexual harassment.

02:06:39.000 Like, that is a crazy thing to say.

02:06:42.000 What if it was your son?

02:06:43.000 What if it was your brother?

02:06:45.000 What if it was your dad and they were a good person?

02:06:48.000 And accused of something.

02:06:49.000 You don't feel bad because you don't like men? 1.00

02:06:51.000 All men suck? 1.00

02:06:52.000 Is that what it is? 1.00

02:06:53.000 That is sexist.

02:06:54.000 Well, they do. 0.99

02:06:55.000 You might not think it's sexist, but it's fucking sexist. 0.99

02:06:57.000 It's hardcore sexist. 1.00

02:06:58.000 If all men sucked, if all men were violent monsters, girls, you'd all be dead. 1.00

02:07:02.000 Right. 1.00

02:07:03.000 Okay? 1.00

02:07:03.000 You'd all be dead. 1.00

02:07:05.000 Someone along the way would have done something terrible.

02:07:07.000 We're not all bad.

02:07:09.000 Some of us are bad.

02:07:10.000 Some men are bad. 0.78

02:07:11.000 I wouldn't even say us. 0.95

02:07:12.000 Some males of the species are bad.

02:07:14.000 Some females are bad. 1.00

02:07:15.000 Yes. 0.95

02:07:16.000 That's not even a part of it.

02:07:17.000 It's like people are bad.

02:07:18.000 I don't understand this whole thing.

02:07:19.000 Like all people are good.

02:07:20.000 Most people, I think, are good.

02:07:22.000 But a lot of people are not good.

02:07:24.000 There's a lot of people.

02:07:26.000 So if there's...

02:07:27.000 Like we were talking about the number of...

02:07:31.000 What was that weird statistic about...

02:07:34.000 That we pulled up one out of, uh...

02:07:38.000 0.6%?

02:07:40.000 What was that that we were just discussing?

02:07:41.000 Micropenis.

02:07:42.000 Yes, micropenis people.

02:07:43.000 Right. 1.00

02:07:44.000 So if that's how many people have a micropenis, how many people are fucking assholes? 1.00

02:07:49.000 Right? 1.00

02:07:49.000 More than have micropenises. 1.00

02:07:51.000 Way more! 1.00

02:07:52.000 Yeah, so if you have a hundred people, right, and 0.6 have a micropenis, two are assholes. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Flaming assholes. 1.00

02:08:00.000 And imagine being an asshole and having a micropenis. 1.00

02:08:03.000 You're in trouble. 1.00

02:08:05.000 You probably never develop real asshole tendencies because you'd be so intimidated that someone in the middle of a rant would just pull your pants down. 1.00

02:08:13.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

02:08:15.000 And then everyone's like, oh my god! 1.00

02:08:17.000 Jesus! 1.00

02:08:19.000 There's way more assholes, but some of those assholes are women. 1.00

02:08:22.000 So like, on National Women's Day the other day, a couple people that I know retweeted this. 1.00

02:08:26.000 Someone was like, believe women, trust women, embrace women, support women.

02:08:32.000 Some!

02:08:33.000 Yes, some.

02:08:34.000 Some are great.

02:08:35.000 Some women are amazing. 1.00

02:08:36.000 Some men are amazing.

02:08:37.000 Some humans are amazing.

02:08:39.000 Humans can be amazing. 1.00

02:08:40.000 This whole, like, gravitating towards one gender, specifically just because they have a vagina, or specifically just because they have a penis, is equally stupid. 1.00

02:08:49.000 It's equally stupid on both sides. 1.00

02:08:50.000 And it also creates divisiveness. 1.00

02:08:54.000 It creates conflict. 0.99

02:08:55.000 Because we're aware, us on the team penis, that you're fully in support of team vagina. 1.00

02:09:01.000 That's all you're about. 1.00

02:09:02.000 Right. 0.99

02:09:03.000 You're about Team Vagina. 1.00

02:09:04.000 And you know, over here as a penis fan, I'm like, this is bullshit. 1.00

02:09:07.000 You know, I'm willing to tolerate those vagina fans, but they're shitting all over penises. 1.00

02:09:12.000 I'm getting tired of you shitting on penises. 1.00

02:09:14.000 I'm getting tired of it. 1.00

02:09:16.000 Enough! 1.00

02:09:17.000 You know, it's like, can the Dolphins and the Raiders have a healthy relationship amongst the fans?

02:09:23.000 Can they get together and share a stadium together without any gang fights?

02:09:26.000 No.

02:09:26.000 Isn't it possible?

02:09:27.000 No.

02:09:28.000 Not in that example, no.

02:09:29.000 No. 1.00

02:09:30.000 But it's the same thing with Team Penis versus Team Vagina. 1.00

02:09:33.000 Here's an unpopular opinion. 1.00

02:09:34.000 I'm not at all uncomfortable with Raiders fans getting gang-raped or stomped to death in the parking lot. 1.00

02:09:39.000 Fuck the Raiders. 1.00

02:09:40.000 Hashtag fuck the Raiders. 1.00

02:09:43.000 Right? 1.00

02:09:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:44.000 That's something a retard would say, right? 1.00

02:09:45.000 Yeah, that's insane. 1.00

02:09:46.000 A really stupid fuck who was like an anti-Raiders guy would say something like that and you'd get like a hundred likes. 1.00

02:09:54.000 Yeah! 1.00

02:09:55.000 Yeah, fuck em! 1.00

02:09:55.000 Fuck em! 1.00

02:09:56.000 Fuck em! 1.00

02:09:57.000 Fuck em! 1.00

02:09:58.000 I hate that futurist female quote. 1.00

02:10:00.000 I think that's such an annoying quote. 1.00

02:10:02.000 Good luck just eating each other's pussies, you crazy bitches. 1.00

02:10:05.000 You're never going to get pregnant. 1.00

02:10:06.000 It's such an insane thing to say.

02:10:07.000 It's so annoying. 1.00

02:10:08.000 It's a stupid thing to say. 1.00

02:10:09.000 What are you really saying? 1.00

02:10:10.000 How about the future is masculine? 1.00

02:10:12.000 Imagine what a piece of shit you'd have to be to walk around with a t-shirt that says the future is masculine. 1.00

02:10:18.000 The future is human beings. 1.00

02:10:19.000 Hopefully we're nice to each other.

02:10:20.000 Getting along.

02:10:21.000 Doing each other good and being right to one another.

02:10:24.000 We're all important.

02:10:25.000 All of us.

02:10:26.000 Males, females, everyone.

02:10:28.000 Yeah, this whole human ecosystem needs each other.

02:10:31.000 It's so funny. 0.99

02:10:32.000 But women can walk around with those futures female shirts and not feel stupid. 1.00

02:10:35.000 That's fucking... 1.00

02:10:36.000 Well, because it's supported, right? 1.00

02:10:38.000 Yeah, hey!

02:10:39.000 Yeah, but we say that here. 0.97

02:10:40.000 Hey, Debbie, I fucking love... 1.00

02:10:41.000 First of all, love your shirt. 0.99

02:10:43.000 Amazing.

02:10:44.000 It's amazing.

02:10:45.000 I'm with you, 100%, sister.

02:10:47.000 They can do that here.

02:10:49.000 Ha! 1.00

02:10:49.000 But I'm going to tell you, you go do that in certain parts of the country and people are like, what the fuck is that shit? 1.00

02:10:54.000 The fuck is that? 1.00

02:10:54.000 Dyke! 1.00

02:10:56.000 Dyke! 1.00

02:10:56.000 It's crazy when it's heterosexual women. 1.00

02:10:58.000 Can you imagine if men said that future's masculine? 1.00

02:11:00.000 We're just going to be done with all this girl shit and just buttfucking the street. 1.00

02:11:05.000 Right. 1.00

02:11:06.000 Girls suck. 1.00

02:11:07.000 Come here, Steve. 1.00

02:11:08.000 Yeah, it's stupid. 1.00

02:11:09.000 It's stupid. 1.00

02:11:11.000 It is taking one gender and deciding that's what you're really into. 1.00

02:11:17.000 That is just as stupid as taking one skin color. 1.00

02:11:20.000 Totally. 1.00

02:11:20.000 Just as stupid as, I'm really only into dudes who are over six feet tall. 1.00

02:11:24.000 Anybody under six feet tall should be dead. 1.00

02:11:27.000 I don't like to talk to them. 1.00

02:11:28.000 I have a team.

02:11:29.000 My team's six feet.

02:11:31.000 Like, we could always decide some new thing that we don't like somebody about.

02:11:35.000 Right.

02:11:35.000 Or for.

02:11:36.000 And so we always decide, like, yeah, those fucking assholes from the town across the tracks. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Like, we'll have, like, a boundary line and decide those people are them. 1.00

02:11:44.000 Imaginary lines.

02:11:45.000 Yeah.

02:11:45.000 We put up a fence.

02:11:46.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:11:47.000 Fuck them. 1.00

02:11:48.000 Fence them! 1.00

02:11:49.000 We're gonna meet in the parking lot on Saturday night, and if they don't say that we're the best, we're gonna fucking kill them. 1.00

02:11:57.000 And people don't see it. 0.97

02:11:58.000 For whatever reason, if you have a future is female t-shirt on, you don't see it that way because you are just in support of feminism, in support of equal rights, in support of women doing powerful things, and you think, this is a step in the right direction.

02:12:10.000 But it's not.

02:12:11.000 The future is female, that's not a message that is good. 1.00

02:12:15.000 The future is happy, loving people.

02:12:17.000 That's a good message. 0.93

02:12:18.000 The future is good, honest people not fucking hurting each other.

02:12:21.000 Good people trying to do well for each other, trying to facilitate communication and growth and learning about each other and tolerance.

02:12:29.000 Just be nice to each other.

02:12:31.000 Not the future's masculine. 1.00

02:12:33.000 Fuck off, you dork. 1.00

02:12:34.000 You fucking half a man. 1.00

02:12:36.000 You half a man. 1.00

02:12:38.000 Can you imagine if a guy's walking off, the future's masculine.

02:12:41.000 He has a tattoo. 1.00

02:12:42.000 It's right above his dick. 1.00

02:12:44.000 Suck the masculinity out of me. 1.00

02:12:46.000 Sometimes you can see the top letters because it's shaped like a big smile. 0.99

02:12:49.000 He's got a big smiley face.

02:12:50.000 Yeah, it's a smile, but it says the future's masculine. 0.99

02:12:53.000 You can see the E and the T poking out of his underwear when he takes those dick root pictures. 0.98

02:12:59.000 You know those pictures that guys take when they pull their pants down? 0.98

02:13:01.000 He takes them all the time.

02:13:02.000 Yeah.

02:13:02.000 You know those guys?

02:13:03.000 They'll take a picture of their pants. 1.00

02:13:05.000 With the fuck runway and all that shit? 1.00

02:13:06.000 It's pulled right to the dick root. 1.00

02:13:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:13:09.000 Sweatpants, just getting back from the gym. 1.00

02:13:11.000 Like, basically showing the base of their cock. 1.00

02:13:14.000 Because they got the fucking, the runners, the fuck runner muscles, the fuck muscles. 1.00

02:13:17.000 Yeah, that's where Jamie's got that, the futurist masculine quote. 1.00

02:13:20.000 The big smiley face.

02:13:21.000 Did you get it removed?

02:13:23.000 It's like, I need to go back.

02:13:25.000 You can't go just once.

02:13:27.000 Yeah, it takes more time. 1.00

02:13:27.000 Lasers above your dick has to be very nerve-wracking. 1.00

02:13:30.000 You know, they make you put goggles on. 1.00

02:13:32.000 Pop, pop, pop.

02:13:33.000 Have you seen that thing they do when they're removing tattoos?

02:13:36.000 Oh, dude.

02:13:36.000 Pop, pop, pop, pop.

02:13:37.000 So painful.

02:13:38.000 It's like they're shooting a laser. 1.00

02:13:39.000 It looks like the most painful shit I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

02:13:41.000 Your skin's crackling. 0.99

02:13:42.000 Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

02:13:43.000 To listen to it.

02:13:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:45.000 Oh, it's fucking awful. 0.99

02:13:46.000 You're cooking. 0.99

02:13:47.000 You're cooking the skin, right?

02:13:48.000 Yeah.

02:13:48.000 You have to burn it.

02:13:49.000 You have to burn it. 0.77

02:13:50.000 Yeah, I know this girl was getting this big tattoo on her back removed. 1.00

02:13:55.000 And she was at the beach, and her whole back was like, her lower back was this big red thing.

02:14:01.000 It was like, it was halfway done, and she had just gotten a recent, like she had to put sunscreen all over it, because it couldn't hit the sun.

02:14:08.000 Yeah, it can't be in the sun.

02:14:09.000 Yeah, I was like, what is that?

02:14:11.000 Like, what are you doing?

02:14:12.000 You're cooking your skin. 0.84

02:14:13.000 Do you have any tattoos?

02:14:14.000 Yeah.

02:14:14.000 Me?

02:14:14.000 I got none.

02:14:15.000 My whole arms are sleeved.

02:14:17.000 Oh yeah, what am I thinking? 0.99

02:14:17.000 What the fuck am I talking about? 0.99

02:14:19.000 New tattoo removal technology. 0.99

02:14:20.000 Look at that guy's got to get goggles on.

02:14:24.000 It's so funny, I'm like, do you have tattoos?

02:14:25.000 I know you have tons of tattoos.

02:14:26.000 I'm not thinking because I'm not seeing any right now.

02:14:28.000 Well, I'm covered up.

02:14:29.000 Yeah, but you often cover them up.

02:14:30.000 Well, because they're a distraction, like on stage.

02:14:33.000 Yeah, you do.

02:14:33.000 Look at that, he's just going over.

02:14:34.000 That's pretty amazing how quick it makes it disappear.

02:14:37.000 Is that new?

02:14:38.000 Yeah, I saw one the other day that was just like, she was going over the skin and it was not, didn't seem like it was harming the untattooed skin.

02:14:44.000 Yeah, but you know what they say?

02:14:46.000 It's kind of like, um, it looks, it looks...

02:14:49.000 Whoa, that's crazy!

02:14:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:51.000 That is fucking crazy. 1.00

02:14:54.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:14:54.000 But you still have to go back a bunch. 1.00

02:14:56.000 Yeah.

02:14:56.000 Maybe you do, bro.

02:14:58.000 I go once, doggy!

02:15:00.000 I go once, bro.

02:15:02.000 It seems like it would be amazing. 1.00

02:15:03.000 Where's that shit? 0.99

02:15:05.000 That was in... 1.00

02:15:06.000 This is Spa Medica, but I don't know if that's the place.

02:15:08.000 Because I have an old tattoo on my shoulder that I want to get rid of so I can finish my right sleeve.

02:15:13.000 It says the future is masculine. 0.99

02:15:14.000 It does. 0.99

02:15:15.000 It says it in all dicks. 0.99

02:15:17.000 Spelled out with little cocks. 1.00

02:15:19.000 Yeah. 0.93

02:15:19.000 Do you know how you have a picture and you look very close to the picture? 0.93

02:15:22.000 The magic eye?

02:15:23.000 It's all other pictures that are put together to make a bunch of different portraits, all to make one portrait.

02:15:29.000 That'd be cool.

02:15:30.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

02:15:31.000 Just all dicks. 1.00

02:15:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:32.000 You'd have to go to a master tattoo artist. 1.00

02:15:34.000 Wow.

02:15:35.000 Look at this guy covering his eyes.

02:15:36.000 He's got tattoos all over his face. 1.00

02:15:38.000 Holy shit, man. 0.99

02:15:40.000 I am seeing more of that than I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

02:15:43.000 That's the new shit, dude. 1.00

02:15:44.000 Look how quick that works, man. 1.00

02:15:45.000 That's incredible.

02:15:47.000 How old is that article?

02:15:49.000 It's pretty new this year.

02:15:52.000 Nice.

02:15:55.000 Find it for me, Jamie.

02:15:57.000 I'm gonna get something removed.

02:16:01.000 Jamie, get on the web.

02:16:03.000 You don't have any?

02:16:04.000 You got none?

02:16:05.000 Nothing.

02:16:05.000 Are you thinking about getting something?

02:16:06.000 Nope.

02:16:07.000 Not even after this conversation?

02:16:08.000 Nope.

02:16:09.000 What about The Future is Masculine?

02:16:10.000 Maybe I'll get that.

02:16:11.000 Maybe I'll get that.

02:16:12.000 Yeah.

02:16:13.000 I might get that. 0.99

02:16:13.000 But I want to get it above my butt. 0.99

02:16:15.000 So whenever there's a guy back there and he's looking down, he can know that I'm in support of dudes. 0.97

02:16:21.000 Yeah.

02:16:22.000 It's me and you, bud.

02:16:23.000 It's me and you, bud.

02:16:24.000 Yeah, you and me together with the right ideas.

02:16:26.000 No.

02:16:27.000 Get it?

02:16:28.000 I don't think I can commit to something like that.

02:16:31.000 No.

02:16:31.000 I couldn't do it.

02:16:32.000 The fucking getting a tattoo to me was always like, I just can't. 1.00

02:16:35.000 I fucking can't do it. 0.99

02:16:36.000 I thought about it for years and then I was like, but every friend I had got a bad one. 0.99

02:16:40.000 Isn't the Futurist Feminine sort of like if you have a brown power tattoo? 0.84

02:16:43.000 You're allowed to have brown power.

02:16:45.000 Brown power? 1.00

02:16:46.000 Yeah.

02:16:47.000 If you had a brown power tattoo?

02:16:48.000 Yeah.

02:16:49.000 If you're a brown person, traditional laser does this.

02:16:52.000 Let's play some Beverly Hills.

02:16:53.000 The PicoSure laser, what does it do? 1.00

02:16:55.000 It does this, bitch! 1.00

02:16:56.000 Gone! 1.00

02:16:56.000 See ya! 1.00

02:16:57.000 Fuck out! 1.00

02:16:58.000 Fuck outta here, bitch! 1.00

02:17:01.000 Done. 1.00

02:17:01.000 Replay! 1.00

02:17:02.000 That looks pretty dope, dude. 0.99

02:17:03.000 I might have to go get that shit done. 0.99

02:17:05.000 Because I've been putting off getting this tattoo. 0.99

02:17:08.000 Who's the broad at the bottom? 0.95

02:17:10.000 Yeah, she's good looking. 1.00

02:17:11.000 She's like, hey, I had one above my box and they took it out. 0.99

02:17:14.000 It was a bunch of dicks. 0.99

02:17:15.000 She had a bunch of gang stuff on her forehead. 1.00

02:17:17.000 Bunch of dicks pointing to my box. 0.99

02:17:18.000 I was a kid. 0.99

02:17:19.000 I was a gang.

02:17:19.000 I was in a gang.

02:17:20.000 Ooh, it just disappears.

02:17:21.000 I love that.

02:17:22.000 Revealing a beautiful future.

02:17:24.000 This is the real truth.

02:17:25.000 This is how it actually happens.

02:17:27.000 You know what I need in here right now?

02:17:29.000 I need like a pee bucket.

02:17:30.000 I have to pee so bad.

02:17:31.000 Go pee, man.

02:17:32.000 Go ahead.

02:17:32.000 Don't worry about it.

02:17:33.000 We'll talk shit about you while you're gone. 0.99

02:17:34.000 What makes you uncomfortable that we talk about? 1.00

02:17:36.000 We'll start with that.

02:17:39.000 The future is masculine. 1.00

02:17:40.000 Now I gotta hear it when I come back.

02:17:42.000 This makes me sad.

02:17:43.000 I get the... 0.96

02:17:44.000 I'm a hypocrite, though.

02:17:46.000 Because, like, one of my favorite fighters, Cain Velasquez, he's got brown pride tattooed on his chest.

02:17:52.000 Never bothered me for a second. 0.99

02:17:53.000 His dad walked here from fucking Mexico. 0.99

02:17:56.000 You know, like, if you're a part of a disenfranchised community, and you feel like you are... 1.00

02:18:03.000 And you have that on.

02:18:04.000 It's like you're taking pride in something that's considered maligned, right?

02:18:08.000 But I guess women would think the same way, in a more mild way, that they're disenfranchised to.

02:18:14.000 What are they going to do with all that tramp stamp thing? 0.99

02:18:16.000 That's done, right?

02:18:17.000 No, some girls are still getting them. 1.00

02:18:19.000 Now?

02:18:19.000 Yeah.

02:18:20.000 Really? 1.00

02:18:20.000 There's some dumb people out there, bro. 1.00

02:18:24.000 Okay, but what is a tramp stamp? 1.00

02:18:26.000 A tramp stamp is only when it's your lower back.

02:18:28.000 But your whole back.

02:18:30.000 I know a lot of people that are getting their whole back done. 0.67

02:18:33.000 I mean, they're getting their butt done, everything.

02:18:38.000 Which I think is probably not the best move. 0.99

02:18:40.000 Because asses look really good when they're well-formed. 1.00

02:18:45.000 You know what it's like? 0.99

02:18:48.000 It always seems to me...

02:18:49.000 What are you showing me?

02:18:50.000 Wow, look at that. 0.99

02:18:51.000 Goddamn, that's gorgeous. 0.99

02:18:53.000 Look, go back to that full screen. 0.98

02:18:55.000 Like, go below.

02:18:56.000 Go below.

02:18:57.000 Go below.

02:18:58.000 There's a tiger, low right of that screen.

02:19:01.000 Look at that one.

02:19:02.000 Right there.

02:19:03.000 Bam.

02:19:03.000 Look at that back.

02:19:04.000 Holy shit, that's crazy. 0.99

02:19:06.000 That's really good work. 0.99

02:19:07.000 Who made that one?

02:19:08.000 Does it say?

02:19:10.000 Oh, it just says 100 awesome back tattoo ideas.

02:19:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:19:15.000 I just think, ladies, leave your ass alone. 1.00

02:19:17.000 Please. 1.00

02:19:19.000 Don't get crazy.

02:19:20.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:19:22.000 Like, or, if your ass is so good, you could tattoo the shit out of it and it still looks amazing. 0.99

02:19:27.000 But you gotta be really careful what artists you go to. 1.00

02:19:30.000 That is the thing about tattoos.

02:19:32.000 You gotta really make sure.

02:19:34.000 Like, before I got my sleeves done by this guy, Aaron Della Vadova.

02:19:38.000 Shout out to Aaron.

02:19:39.000 From Guru Tattoo in San Diego.

02:19:41.000 I'd seen his work online a bunch.

02:19:43.000 I mean, he's a real legit artist.

02:19:45.000 His work's amazing.

02:19:47.000 I knew that this guy was, like, super good at tattoos.

02:19:51.000 But there's a lot of people that get some whack-ass tattoos.

02:19:54.000 I don't understand how people don't have the patience to wait for that good artist. 0.95

02:19:58.000 They get nutty.

02:19:59.000 I need it today.

02:20:01.000 Do you have tattoos? 1.00

02:20:02.000 All over his dick. 1.00

02:20:04.000 Have you thought about it? 1.00

02:20:06.000 The one that we know.

02:20:08.000 Have you seen they have glow-in-the-dark tattoos now?

02:20:10.000 Yeah.

02:20:11.000 Gotta be good for you, right?

02:20:12.000 Whatever makes it glow-in-the-dark. 0.99

02:20:14.000 Definitely not gonna fuck you up for the rest of your life. 0.99

02:20:16.000 It's all natural, as far as we know. 0.98

02:20:18.000 If you were gonna get a tattoo, what do you think you'd get?

02:20:22.000 So, I don't know.

02:20:23.000 Like Pride?

02:20:24.000 Yeah.

02:20:24.000 Or like, well, White Power, maybe?

02:20:26.000 Wow.

02:20:26.000 Look at that girl in the dark tattoos.

02:20:27.000 That's amazing. 0.98

02:20:29.000 That looks fucking cool. 0.91

02:20:31.000 Wow. 1.00

02:20:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:20:32.000 Look at it. 1.00

02:20:33.000 Look at it.

02:20:33.000 That's amazing.

02:20:34.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

02:20:36.000 Back up to that last one that you just went to? 0.99

02:20:38.000 No, with the girl's back?

02:20:40.000 Right there.

02:20:40.000 No, to the right of that one.

02:20:42.000 To the right of that one.

02:20:43.000 No.

02:20:43.000 Look at that picture up at the top bar and go to the right of it.

02:20:47.000 That's it.

02:20:47.000 There you go.

02:20:48.000 Bam.

02:20:48.000 Look at that.

02:20:48.000 Wow.

02:20:49.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

02:20:51.000 That's someone's arm, right? 1.00

02:20:53.000 Is that someone's arm?

02:20:53.000 Is that an arm?

02:20:54.000 Yeah.

02:20:54.000 Oh, I thought it was her back.

02:20:55.000 Oh.

02:20:57.000 I thought it was, like, leaning forward. 1.00

02:20:58.000 Fuck, that's incredible. 1.00

02:20:59.000 That's amazing. 1.00

02:21:00.000 Yeah, then you have black lights over your house like you're in college again, though.

02:21:03.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:21:04.000 Yeah, right?

02:21:04.000 Like, your whole house is a college dorm.

02:21:07.000 You have to have black lights everywhere and you have to have empty booze bottles filled with things that make them glow and shit. 0.99

02:21:11.000 Every room you go into is a college dorm because you are the black light poster. 0.99

02:21:15.000 The black light poster.

02:21:17.000 That's weird.

02:21:18.000 What would I get?

02:21:18.000 Probably something representative of Chicago or back home.

02:21:21.000 Fucking Chicago. 1.00

02:21:22.000 Shut down. 1.00

02:21:23.000 A deep dish pizza and a bullet. 0.97

02:21:24.000 Probably get old style and a hot dog on my shoulders. 1.00

02:21:28.000 I'd get a snow shovel and a fucking bratwurst. 0.99

02:21:34.000 He's got a high cholesterol chart reading and everything's up at the top. 0.99

02:21:39.000 But I'm fine.

02:21:40.000 But everybody's fine.

02:21:41.000 Don't worry about it.

02:21:43.000 Everyone's got a fat gut and fine and a big smile.

02:21:46.000 Heard Joe Rogan's making fun of us, dude.

02:21:49.000 I don't like that.

02:21:49.000 Making fun of Chicago.

02:21:50.000 Tell him to fuck off. 1.00

02:21:51.000 That's what I say to Joe Rogan's. 1.00

02:21:52.000 Well, boycott your fucking shitty show on June 8th. 1.00

02:21:57.000 At the Chicago theater. 1.00

02:21:58.000 Is Joe Rogan's and Seth Rogan's, are they brothers?

02:22:01.000 Joe Rogan's?

02:22:02.000 They know each other.

02:22:03.000 He's different than that other guy, right?

02:22:05.000 Different guy?

02:22:07.000 Seth Rogan got mad.

02:22:08.000 Fate got mad at me.

02:22:09.000 He goes, everyone spells my name wrong because of you.

02:22:12.000 Sorry, dude. 0.95

02:22:13.000 It's just a dumb way of spelling it.

02:22:15.000 You gotta stop using an E at the end. 0.92

02:22:17.000 Rogan.

02:22:18.000 Rogan?

02:22:19.000 Rogan?

02:22:19.000 It's Rogan.

02:22:20.000 Rogan.

02:22:20.000 R-O-G-A-N. It's English?

02:22:23.000 Mine's Irish.

02:22:24.000 His is English. 1.00

02:22:25.000 Did you see this crazy fucking... 1.00

02:22:27.000 Yeah, this bong that he uses. 1.00

02:22:29.000 $500 gravity bong.

02:22:31.000 It's a little too much for a gravity bong, but you just smoke a joint.

02:22:34.000 $500 for a gravity bong.

02:22:36.000 But look at it.

02:22:36.000 It looks crazy.

02:22:37.000 Yeah.

02:22:37.000 Seems like a real good idea.

02:22:39.000 Look.

02:22:39.000 Look at my joint.

02:22:42.000 Watch him flip the- look, he flips his shit right upside down. 1.00

02:22:45.000 Gas station lighter. 1.00

02:22:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:46.000 Gas station lighter, joint.

02:22:47.000 We're good.

02:22:48.000 You don't need a $500 bong.

02:22:50.000 Seth Rogen's so serious.

02:22:53.000 I handed him stoner of the year award once.

02:22:57.000 One of the high times awards.

02:23:00.000 $500? 0.96

02:23:01.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

02:23:02.000 People are always trying to give me these fucking things. 1.00

02:23:04.000 Did you get stoner of the year award? 0.99

02:23:07.000 Yeah, I got it once, right?

02:23:08.000 Didn't I get it?

02:23:09.000 They were offering it to me.

02:23:10.000 I think I might have had to go to get it.

02:23:12.000 I was going to say, you probably were like, I can't go, man.

02:23:14.000 Yeah, I wasn't going to go.

02:23:16.000 I can't go.

02:23:17.000 I hosted the Doobies one year, which was fun.

02:23:20.000 It was like an award show.

02:23:21.000 That was in like 2001. Yeah.

02:23:24.000 And then I gave an award to Seth Rogen another time.

02:23:28.000 But they've asked me to perform at those before, and I did it once for the Doobies.

02:23:32.000 It's just, everyone's high as a kite.

02:23:35.000 It's all weird. 0.99

02:23:36.000 It's just, I mean, you- They don't know when to laugh and shit. 0.99

02:23:39.000 They're just so out of it. 1.00

02:23:40.000 Yeah, so hot.

02:23:41.000 The craziest show ever?

02:23:42.000 It's the underground comedy show in Toronto.

02:23:45.000 You ever done that place?

02:23:46.000 No.

02:23:46.000 Dude.

02:23:47.000 They have a bong shop, and in the back room, it's all a comedy show, but it's all people smoking pot in the room.

02:23:55.000 It's a hot box.

02:23:56.000 While you're doing the show.

02:23:57.000 Oh, yeah!

02:23:58.000 They have bongs on the tables.

02:23:59.000 Dude, people are blitzkrieged.

02:24:02.000 You're right.

02:24:02.000 You are so high when you're on stage.

02:24:04.000 You can't remember what you were talking about three seconds ago.

02:24:07.000 I mean, it's so bad.

02:24:08.000 And it's thick.

02:24:10.000 Like, smoke everywhere.

02:24:11.000 Like, there's no ventilation.

02:24:13.000 Well, you can't do material. 1.00

02:24:14.000 You just have to go fuck around. 0.98

02:24:15.000 Yeah, I mean, you could try to do material. 1.00

02:24:17.000 I definitely have tried.

02:24:18.000 But, like, I took Tripoli there, and Tripoli doesn't really get high.

02:24:21.000 At least he didn't.

02:24:23.000 I don't think he does.

02:24:24.000 I think he might have been sober.

02:24:26.000 But, dude, he got blitzkrieg just breathing the air in this place. 0.99

02:24:29.000 Just got fucking ripped. 0.99

02:24:30.000 The whole place is... 0.99

02:24:31.000 Did he bomb?

02:24:33.000 I don't think anyone bombed.

02:24:36.000 They were very friendly.

02:24:37.000 See, I feel like that's such a bomb venue where you're like, I'm never going to do well in here.

02:24:40.000 They're not paying attention.

02:24:41.000 You're just out of it.

02:24:42.000 It's just the whole thing.

02:24:43.000 You're off.

02:24:44.000 Everything's off.

02:24:45.000 You're so hot.

02:24:46.000 But that's also where I did a thing.

02:24:47.000 The Iron Cheek came on stage in that place. 0.99

02:24:50.000 You ever seen that video with the Iron Cheek?

02:24:51.000 Joe Rogans!

02:24:53.000 And he starts talking to me.

02:24:55.000 That's when I realized the price that pro wrestlers pay.

02:24:58.000 Oh my god.

02:24:58.000 The health.

02:24:59.000 Like this poor... 1.00

02:25:00.000 The fella is in crutches and shit. 1.00

02:25:02.000 He can barely walk. 1.00

02:25:03.000 That's him and me on stage.

02:25:27.000 The toughest sport in the Olympics is freestyle wrestling, sir.

02:25:32.000 Absolutely! 0.94

02:25:43.000 One of the highlights of my life, being on stage high as giraffe pussy, talking to the Iron Sheik in a room with a pot leaf behind me. 0.97

02:25:52.000 That's a big old pot leaf. 0.98

02:25:53.000 Was he ripped too?

02:25:54.000 Oh, yeah.

02:25:55.000 There's not a sober eye in the house.

02:25:57.000 There was no one sober in that place.

02:25:59.000 I literally don't think it would be possible to be sober in that room.

02:26:02.000 I just don't think you could be.

02:26:03.000 There's no air in that room.

02:26:04.000 No, yeah, they trap you.

02:26:05.000 Yeah, like all the fire, there's fire, like the little candles and stuff on the table.

02:26:09.000 I'm like, it's running out of air.

02:26:11.000 They don't have any air to stay lit.

02:26:12.000 The flame is flickering out.

02:26:14.000 It's all weed smoking here.

02:26:16.000 Everybody's like this, like the whole audience.

02:26:17.000 These candles burn on weed, Joe.

02:26:19.000 It's fine.

02:26:21.000 But the shows there are always real weird.

02:26:23.000 People go there and just...

02:26:24.000 It's in Vancouver?

02:26:25.000 No, it's Toronto.

02:26:26.000 Toronto, Toronto.

02:26:27.000 Wrong side.

02:26:27.000 I forget what it's called.

02:26:29.000 Comedy Underground or something like that?

02:26:31.000 Puffmama Underground Comedy Club.

02:26:34.000 Underground Comedy Club, yeah.

02:26:36.000 We've done it a couple of times. 0.95

02:26:37.000 Are they still doing shows and shit there? 0.98

02:26:38.000 I don't know. 0.95

02:26:39.000 They are?

02:26:39.000 I think so.

02:26:40.000 Yeah.

02:26:40.000 They don't give up.

02:26:41.000 They forgot.

02:26:42.000 Every time they get too high, they forgot they got too high.

02:26:44.000 We had to stop it, but we didn't remember to.

02:26:46.000 Who's coming up there?

02:26:47.000 Give them a plug. 0.84

02:26:48.000 Underground Comedy.

02:26:50.000 Puffmama.ca.

02:26:51.000 There you go.

02:26:52.000 Fun place, though, and very, very nice people.

02:26:54.000 Did it a few times.

02:26:56.000 Dope and Mike. 0.94

02:26:57.000 Although they did tell a bunch of people that I was coming and I wasn't coming and then people got mad at me and like, hey, hey, hey, I didn't fucking say I was coming. 0.79

02:27:04.000 Somebody said I was going there.

02:27:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:06.000 If someone promotes your shit and you're like, did I say it? 1.00

02:27:08.000 Or did you hear it from another party? 1.00

02:27:09.000 If you didn't hear me promising, I was like, you fucking promised you're going to be there, bro. 0.97

02:27:12.000 We've got tickets. 0.97

02:27:13.000 Tell this to us before, Joe.

02:27:15.000 We couldn't get tickets at your other place.

02:27:17.000 Hey.

02:27:18.000 Just so many people.

02:27:19.000 There's just so many people in the world.

02:27:21.000 Where's your least favorite spot to perform?

02:27:23.000 I don't really have one.

02:27:25.000 Not like a city, but what's the least ideal situation?

02:27:28.000 I'm not trying to tag out a city. 0.99

02:27:31.000 Least ideal is always a late show and a Friday night and a place where people are dumb. 0.99

02:27:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:27:35.000 Right? 1.00

02:27:35.000 And they're dumb, and they're drunk, and they're sad. 1.00

02:27:37.000 And they're fucked up out of their mind. 1.00

02:27:38.000 But I'll tell you what, man. 1.00

02:27:39.000 There's places that you go that don't get a lot of love, and then when you go there, the fucking shows are awesome. 0.98

02:27:45.000 Like, Bakersfield was awesome. 0.97

02:27:47.000 Really?

02:27:47.000 Just did it.

02:27:48.000 Just did it a couple weeks ago. 0.98

02:27:49.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.97

02:27:50.000 They were incredible. 0.99

02:27:52.000 They were one of the best audiences ever.

02:27:55.000 Lively, fun.

02:27:56.000 By the way, same place, Tehachapi Mountains.

02:27:58.000 That's right near where the guy got killed by a bear.

02:28:00.000 That's right near where there will be blood.

02:28:02.000 I drink your milkshake.

02:28:04.000 That was right there.

02:28:05.000 That was that whole area. 0.99

02:28:07.000 Those people are fucking great. 0.98

02:28:08.000 They were cool. 0.98

02:28:09.000 They were really cool.

02:28:10.000 You sound like you're surprised.

02:28:12.000 Yeah.

02:28:13.000 Like you were like, okay, they were good.

02:28:14.000 I'm like, I gotta give it a chance.

02:28:16.000 Burr and I talked about it on a podcast like two years ago.

02:28:19.000 We should do just a tour of places where people don't want to go.

02:28:22.000 I'm like, yeah, that'd be kind of fun.

02:28:24.000 He and I talked about doing it.

02:28:25.000 We were going to talk about doing it in Bakersfield.

02:28:27.000 And we never get around to doing it.

02:28:29.000 And so I said, I'm just going to go by myself.

02:28:31.000 So I decided to go. 0.99

02:28:32.000 I had a great fucking time. 0.99

02:28:34.000 It was fun. 0.99

02:28:35.000 Yeah, but those people deserve comedy too. 0.87

02:28:37.000 It's so funny.

02:28:39.000 That's why when you go somewhere small, most of the time they appreciate it more because they're like, dude, no one ever comes through here.

02:28:43.000 You know what else is great?

02:28:44.000 Fresno.

02:28:45.000 Yeah, Fred's never been there either.

02:28:46.000 Fresno's great.

02:28:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:28:48.000 Fucking fun, man. 0.99

02:28:49.000 Did two shows in Fresno. 0.99

02:28:50.000 Had a great time. 1.00

02:28:51.000 You have no idea how many people right now in Fresno are losing their minds over their fucking show. 0.99

02:28:55.000 Fresno has some serious soul food. 0.99

02:28:58.000 Some legit soul food.

02:28:59.000 For real?

02:29:00.000 Yeah.

02:29:01.000 Fresno's how far?

02:29:02.000 I wish I could remember the place.

02:29:03.000 I got the name of the place somewhere on my phone.

02:29:05.000 How far is Fresno from here?

02:29:06.000 It's a solid four-hour drive.

02:29:09.000 Yeah.

02:29:11.000 It's almost to San Francisco, right?

02:29:13.000 Yeah.

02:29:14.000 A little south.

02:29:15.000 Probably to an hour and a half south.

02:29:16.000 Yeah.

02:29:18.000 Alright.

02:29:18.000 Yeah, it's about...

02:29:20.000 About four hours drive. 1.00

02:29:22.000 I forget the name of this fucking place. 0.99

02:29:24.000 There was a soul food place in Fresno? 1.00

02:29:25.000 Yeah, I'm not going to be able to find it.

02:29:26.000 See if you can Google soul food in Fresno.

02:29:30.000 It's one of the highly ranked restaurants.

02:29:31.000 There's not a lot of choices in Fresno for food.

02:29:33.000 Chef Paul's or Doll's Kitchen?

02:29:35.000 I think it's Chef Paul's.

02:29:37.000 Can you see if you can find a picture of it?

02:29:38.000 4.6.

02:29:39.000 Yeah, that's the spot.

02:29:40.000 It is Chef Paul's.

02:29:41.000 Gotta be a 4.6, baby.

02:29:43.000 Dude, they have oxtails. 1.00

02:29:45.000 I love Oxtail.

02:29:46.000 That is the place.

02:29:47.000 Cool artwork on the wall.

02:29:49.000 That place, if you are near Fresno, if you're like an hour outside of Fresno, drive there.

02:29:55.000 If you're on your way, you're passing through, and you go, that's probably not something good there. 0.72

02:29:58.000 Ooh, a little shrimp gumbo?

02:29:59.000 Dude, they had chicken and waffles.

02:30:01.000 They had ribs.

02:30:02.000 I had tri-tip.

02:30:04.000 They had catfish, I believe.

02:30:07.000 But the braised oxtail was off the charts.

02:30:09.000 I love oxtail, man.

02:30:10.000 It was so good, man.

02:30:12.000 They had collard greens.

02:30:14.000 That was amazing.

02:30:15.000 They had braised cabbage.

02:30:17.000 That was sensational.

02:30:18.000 It's a serious joint.

02:30:20.000 It's one of those places where one of the main things that they serve to drink is Kool-Aid.

02:30:25.000 And I went off the reservations. 0.99

02:30:27.000 I'm like, fuck it, I'm eating this stuff. 1.00

02:30:28.000 I might as well just have a Kool-Aid as well. 1.00

02:30:30.000 What's the difference?

02:30:30.000 It was wonderful.

02:30:32.000 Like, having some ribs and a Kool-Aid.

02:30:36.000 There's a Kool-Aid right there, baby.

02:30:38.000 Having some ribs and a Kool-Aid.

02:30:40.000 We went there two days in a row.

02:30:42.000 The place was incredible.

02:30:43.000 When you go there, you can't health it out.

02:30:46.000 You gotta go whole hog.

02:30:48.000 You gotta go whole hog if you're going to Chef Paul's.

02:30:51.000 So, shout out to Chef Paul's Cafe.

02:30:54.000 In Fresno, good spot.

02:30:56.000 But you know what, man?

02:30:58.000 I'm having a good time doing stand-up, so everywhere I'm going, I'm having fun.

02:31:01.000 I mean, even when you go to a weird place, it's like, yeah, it's weirder.

02:31:05.000 I mean, it's not Anaheim, but it's weird.

02:31:07.000 You know, it's fun.

02:31:08.000 It's not Irvine improv.

02:31:11.000 Right, right, right.

02:31:12.000 See, I'm at a level where I'm still hustling through places that are just...

02:31:16.000 You know, I'm having fun for a lot of places, but some places I'm just like, the crowds are not that good, I don't draw enough people, so it's hard.

02:31:24.000 I think Burr talked about it, I don't know if he talked about it here, but he said like, killing to the abyss.

02:31:29.000 He's like, there's a part in your career when you're killing to the abyss.

02:31:32.000 Right, right.

02:31:32.000 When you're kind of like, you know you are a professional, you've had accolades in the game, you've done well enough, but your fan base isn't huge enough to where you have a big following, so when you go somewhere, you crush and you'll hear afterwards someone go...

02:31:45.000 You know, I've never even heard of you, and you're one of our favorite comics now.

02:31:48.000 And they do that. 0.97

02:31:49.000 They do this thing where they're like, we fucking love you. 0.99

02:31:51.000 I can't believe... 0.98

02:31:52.000 So you make these new fans, it's great, but it's just like, you are working so hard crushing to...

02:31:58.000 30 people.

02:31:59.000 You know, to earn.

02:32:01.000 You're earning all these audiences.

02:32:03.000 Those times though, man, when you look back, you will remember those very fondly. 0.99

02:32:08.000 Well, I can't forget them, because a lot of them are painful as shit. 0.99

02:32:10.000 Yeah! 0.99

02:32:11.000 Yeah, there's going to be rough ones, but those are fucking so critical for the development of your act. 0.89

02:32:16.000 Oh, it's worth every...

02:32:17.000 And the good thing is the places that I have built audiences that I love, like Denver, when I go back to Comedy Works, I can sell that place out because I've built an audience.

02:32:26.000 If I build audiences in places that really love me, that's the best part about going to places where I'm like...

02:32:31.000 You know, they just show me so much love there that you're like, God, that's what it is.

02:32:35.000 That's what it feels good.

02:32:36.000 Yeah, and you have to think of, like, if you're in a place like Denver, how many of those people that come to see you are actually going to leave comments or tweet at you, and how many of them are just going to enjoy it?

02:32:45.000 Because most of the time when I go to see somebody, I just enjoy them.

02:32:49.000 I just enjoy it too.

02:32:49.000 Yeah, I mean, it's very rare that I say, hey, you have to go see this guy, or hey, this girl's here, or this band, or whatever.

02:32:56.000 It's very rare.

02:32:57.000 Right.

02:32:57.000 And most of the time, I just enjoy it.

02:32:59.000 So, like, you think about, you're doing thousands of people, right?

02:33:02.000 You're doing 200, what is that, 300 seats?

02:33:05.000 I think it's three, yeah.

02:33:07.000 It's like 300 seats, you're doing 1,200 in two days, and then you're going back again, doing another 1,200.

02:33:13.000 They'll tell their friends, people come back, tickets go quicker next time, and then a year later.

02:33:17.000 I mean, that's the key to building the road.

02:33:20.000 To this day, there's places where I sell out way in advance, and there's other places where I really haven't been going that often, and it's more of a difficulty to sell tickets.

02:33:29.000 Yeah, right.

02:33:30.000 Because you've built up a...

02:33:31.000 Yeah.

02:33:33.000 Houston's a spot where I can just...

02:33:35.000 I sell out in Houston.

02:33:36.000 I've been selling out comedy clubs in Houston since the 90s. 1.00

02:33:39.000 Shit. 1.00

02:33:40.000 Yeah, it's like... 1.00

02:33:40.000 It's always been a spot that I could... 1.00

02:33:42.000 Because that was like...

02:33:43.000 For me, Houston was one of the...

02:33:44.000 There was a few cities where legends came from.

02:33:47.000 And Houston was where Kinnison came from.

02:33:49.000 That's right.

02:33:50.000 And for me, it's like Kenneson and Hicks both came out of Houston.

02:33:53.000 So for me, I had to get to Houston.

02:33:55.000 There's this thought in my head.

02:33:56.000 I knew about the Laugh Stop and River Oaks, this one spot that was in the 90s.

02:34:00.000 I gotta get to that club.

02:34:01.000 That's the spot. 0.99

02:34:02.000 It was a fucking perfect comedy club, too. 0.98

02:34:05.000 You never worked there, huh? 0.99

02:34:06.000 No.

02:34:07.000 It was gone before you came around.

02:34:08.000 I was going to say, but I've listened to many albums where they're at the Laugh Stop introducing comics.

02:34:13.000 Mine, from 1999. Yeah.

02:34:14.000 From I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday on Warner Brothers.

02:34:17.000 That was from the Laugh Stop.

02:34:19.000 I did it in Houston.

02:34:20.000 I filmed in, like, or recorded it, rather, in 98 or 99. And it was the perfect club.

02:34:25.000 It was perfect.

02:34:26.000 They had an open mic night, so they had a bar in the front, and they had stage in the front, and they had open mic night. 0.97

02:34:32.000 They would start at 8 and go 2 o'clock in the fucking morning, and no hacks. 0.99

02:34:35.000 I'm telling you, no hacks. 0.99

02:34:37.000 And they would ostracize hacks, boot them out of the community.

02:34:39.000 They're all artists.

02:34:41.000 There was a lot of really good comics that came out of there.

02:34:43.000 That's wild.

02:34:43.000 And one club went under.

02:34:45.000 This one club went under, and the whole scene took a big hit.

02:34:49.000 Apparently the scene's bouncing back now, and there's a lot more comics now in Houston. 0.98

02:34:54.000 But dude, when I used to work there in the 90s, you would go there and these opening acts, these guys who were working there would be fucking killers. 0.99

02:35:01.000 They were killers. 0.99

02:35:02.000 The openers would rip. 0.98

02:35:03.000 They were great.

02:35:03.000 They were real comics.

02:35:05.000 They were real comics.

02:35:06.000 And then the open mic night, you would see funny comics that were learning how to do comedy.

02:35:09.000 Like people that really have shot.

02:35:11.000 But it was just one club.

02:35:14.000 There's always a problem when there's one club in a town.

02:35:19.000 Wendy's figured out how to do that in Denver. 0.99

02:35:21.000 Wendy, who owns the Comedy Works, she's created a scene.

02:35:25.000 That scene is almost primarily responsible, or she's almost primarily responsible as one individual for that entire comedy scene. 0.54

02:35:34.000 She's amazing.

02:35:36.000 Well, I give her credit because I think she's cultivated such good talent that, again, that's kind of what you were saying about Houston. 0.95

02:35:43.000 Like, everyone that I know that I met there that's from there, that comes out of there, is a fucking phenomenal comedian.

02:35:49.000 Like, their locals are professionals here. 0.75

02:35:53.000 To this day, when I do comedy, like I do theaters there, like I'll do the Belco, it's like 5,000 seats, I go through her.

02:36:01.000 I do it through her.

02:36:02.000 And I also do her club.

02:36:04.000 So I always hang out with her when I'm in town.

02:36:06.000 That lady's super important. 1.00

02:36:09.000 I did my special there in 2014, my Comedy Central special, because it was important to me to do it at that club.

02:36:16.000 That club was one of the reasons why I moved to Colorado for a brief time.

02:36:19.000 I was like, I'll be close to this club.

02:36:21.000 I was like, I can survive here.

02:36:23.000 I need a base station. 0.99

02:36:25.000 I need a base station to fuck around and work out material. 0.99

02:36:27.000 I could use this place, like everybody else is doing it. 0.98

02:36:29.000 This is a real comedy community.

02:36:32.000 It really is.

02:36:33.000 Yeah, there's a few like that that are building so strong right now.

02:36:35.000 I think my only fear for the future is there's a lot of new clubs that pop up and a lot of clubs that have gone so corporatized that they're all the same, that I'm still a club guy, so for me, I don't get to play theaters, you know?

02:36:47.000 So when you do clubs, you're...

02:36:49.000 You know, at the mercy of the club system, of whatever that may be, you know?

02:36:53.000 And a lot of them are so corporately systematic.

02:36:57.000 I mean, you feel like you're like, sometimes you feel like, you know that old joke of a musician's like, what's up, Omaha?

02:37:01.000 And they're like, what?

02:37:02.000 This isn't Omaha, it's Missouri.

02:37:03.000 And you're like, well, it all feels the same.

02:37:06.000 Like, some of the clubs feel the same.

02:37:08.000 That's true with a lot of the improvs.

02:37:11.000 But what they've done is they've figured out a way to make it a very professional experience everywhere you go all over the country.

02:37:16.000 Yeah.

02:37:16.000 Like, I accept what they're doing because what they're doing is like a blend of the art and commerce.

02:37:21.000 It's a business.

02:37:22.000 They've done a smart thing.

02:37:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:37:23.000 But they don't fuck with your act. 0.98

02:37:25.000 No. 1.00

02:37:25.000 As long as they don't fuck with my act, I'm cool. 1.00

02:37:27.000 Totally. 0.96

02:37:27.000 And as long as they're professional and friendly, I'm cool. 0.96

02:37:29.000 But there's a big difference between working for them and like working for Zanies in Nashville.

02:37:33.000 Right.

02:37:33.000 It's like owned by, you know, guys who've owned it for a long time.

02:37:37.000 It's just a super sweet club, you know.

02:37:39.000 They're just great guys.

02:37:41.000 It's just, and it's a perfect old school comedy.

02:37:44.000 You know it's an old school comedy club?

02:37:45.000 Because you walk around and look at the headshots and go, he's dead.

02:37:49.000 He killed himself.

02:37:50.000 He died.

02:37:51.000 How many dead people are up?

02:37:52.000 A lot, man.

02:37:53.000 A lot.

02:37:54.000 That's like the comedy store is like a posthumous hallway.

02:37:56.000 Everybody on the wall is dead.

02:37:58.000 It's true.

02:37:59.000 Roseanne might be the only big picture in the hallway that's still alive. 0.99

02:38:02.000 Well, there's one wall when you get out of the kitchen and you go towards the main room if you took a right.

02:38:07.000 Yeah.

02:38:07.000 That one wall, three out of the four people are dead.

02:38:10.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

02:38:12.000 Roseanne's the only one that's alive that's on that side of the wall, I think.

02:38:15.000 No, I think it's Louis Anderson.

02:38:17.000 Oh, yeah, you're right.

02:38:18.000 No, you're right.

02:38:19.000 You're right.

02:38:19.000 Louis Anderson's alive.

02:38:20.000 Robin Williams is dead.

02:38:23.000 Shirley Hemphill's dead.

02:38:25.000 Yep.

02:38:26.000 Richard Pryor's dead.

02:38:28.000 And Gary Shanling's dead. 0.99

02:38:29.000 Yeah, Shanling's, that's a shitty one. 0.90

02:38:31.000 Hemphill, does she have a big picture or is she on the wall? 0.96

02:38:33.000 I think she's not a big picture.

02:38:35.000 She's a smaller picture on the wall.

02:38:37.000 There's a lot of them, dude.

02:38:40.000 Yeah, it's wild.

02:38:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:38:41.000 We lost Craig motherfucking Mack today. 0.99

02:38:44.000 RIP, Craig Mack. 1.00

02:38:46.000 Flavor in your ear.

02:38:47.000 You were the best.

02:38:49.000 Where are you going to next?

02:38:51.000 I'm finishing up shooting the second season of I'm Dying Up Here for Showtime, so I'm here in town doing that.

02:38:56.000 When's that air?

02:38:57.000 When's that start airing?

02:38:58.000 May 6th.

02:38:59.000 Are you happy with it?

02:39:00.000 Everything going well?

02:39:00.000 Yeah, it's going smooth.

02:39:01.000 We added Brad Garrett, who's on it, who's crazy.

02:39:03.000 Brad's a good dude.

02:39:04.000 He's great.

02:39:05.000 Such a cool guy.

02:39:05.000 He's a great guy.

02:39:06.000 He's got the best club in Vegas.

02:39:08.000 Yeah, and you know what's so funny, man?

02:39:09.000 It's great sitting and talking stories about stand-up with him because he's been around for so long.

02:39:13.000 I mean, he's got such good gold of stuff I can't talk about.

02:39:16.000 It's like I want him to tell.

02:39:17.000 I don't want to tell any of his stories, but he's a guy.

02:39:20.000 You would have to tell him like this. 0.85

02:39:22.000 He's got the craziest voice. 0.92

02:39:24.000 He's very deep.

02:39:26.000 Great guy.

02:39:26.000 Awesome, dude.

02:39:27.000 They added him and they added this young actress, Zosia Rockmore, who's fucking... 1.00

02:39:30.000 Oh, fuck her, dude. 1.00

02:39:31.000 I'm just kidding. 1.00

02:39:32.000 I don't know.

02:39:32.000 I'm just kidding.

02:39:33.000 I don't even know who that is. 0.97

02:39:34.000 She's black, Joe.

02:39:34.000 Is that why?

02:39:35.000 Because she's black? 1.00

02:39:35.000 Oh, I didn't know. 1.00

02:39:36.000 I wouldn't have said it.

02:39:36.000 Yes, it is, Joe.

02:39:37.000 I wouldn't have said it.

02:39:38.000 No, yeah, so we come out May 6th, so now I'm shooting in town.

02:39:40.000 Next weekend, I'm going to go with you.

02:39:42.000 Yeah, we're going to do the LaFactory.

02:39:44.000 Or, excuse me, the Ice House.

02:39:45.000 Ice House.

02:39:46.000 Yeah, Ice House.

02:39:47.000 I forgot where we're going.

02:39:47.000 Ice House.

02:39:47.000 There's so many clubs.

02:39:49.000 Yeah, we're doing the Ice House in Pasadena next Friday and Saturday. 1.00

02:39:52.000 It's all sold out, fuckers. 0.99

02:39:53.000 Sorry. 1.00

02:39:54.000 Sorry.

02:39:54.000 But otherwise, when I get back on the road at the end of May, the first dates I'll be doing, I go up to Alberta, where we were talking about.

02:40:01.000 I go to Edmonton, so I'll be in Edmonton the end of May.

02:40:04.000 So look on that Edmonton calendar, and I'll be up there.

02:40:07.000 You doing that comedy club up there?

02:40:08.000 I'm doing House of Comedy.

02:40:10.000 That place is great.

02:40:11.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:40:11.000 It's a great family.

02:40:12.000 Edmonton, that's an all-time great club.

02:40:14.000 Yeah, it is.

02:40:15.000 It's really, really fun.

02:40:16.000 And the family that runs it, the Bronsons are great.

02:40:18.000 They're good to me, so I love them.

02:40:19.000 Callan raves about that place.

02:40:21.000 Yeah, I know.

02:40:21.000 They love him.

02:40:22.000 And they like a lot of store guys.

02:40:25.000 It's just by coincidence.

02:40:27.000 Like Bobby, they love a lot of store guys.

02:40:28.000 It's just funny comics, man.

02:40:29.000 Yeah, they like funny people.

02:40:31.000 Tripoli did his CD there.

02:40:33.000 Yeah, recorded there, I think.

02:40:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:40:35.000 That's a great spot.

02:40:36.000 Dom Herrera raves about that Brad Garrett club at the MGM. Oh, yeah.

02:40:39.000 He's like, it's the best club.

02:40:40.000 You know, Dom is on I'm Dying Up Here, and this actually happened this last week.

02:40:45.000 Dom had a scene in the show where he, like, has a heart attack.

02:40:51.000 And, you know, he gets on a plane to go to Jersey or something.

02:40:53.000 He lands, there's like six missed phone calls from Marc Maron.

02:40:56.000 And Marc leaves him voicemails being like, hey man, I heard something happen on set.

02:40:59.000 Because, you know, like the game of telephone got out that it was like, someone said, yeah, there was Donovan Seymour had a heart attack.

02:41:04.000 Someone's like, wait, what?

02:41:05.000 Tom had a what on it?

02:41:06.000 And that just bled out into the ether, you know?

02:41:09.000 So Dom called me.

02:41:10.000 He's like, Andrew, I gotta tell you, people think I'm dead.

02:41:13.000 Who told people that I died on set?

02:41:15.000 And I'm like, I don't know, man.

02:41:16.000 Maybe it'll give you some traction, so let it keep going.

02:41:18.000 Give you some traction.

02:41:20.000 Yeah.

02:41:20.000 Isn't that funny?

02:41:20.000 Maybe it'll go viral.

02:41:21.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:41:22.000 You never know, bro. 1.00

02:41:23.000 Maybe it'll go viral.

02:41:24.000 But Dom is the best, man.

02:41:25.000 We've had...

02:41:25.000 He's awesome.

02:41:26.000 He's the best.

02:41:27.000 We've had some good comics pop up.

02:41:28.000 We're gonna keep...

02:41:29.000 They keep getting more comics.

02:41:30.000 Andy Kindler came on the show. 0.97

02:41:33.000 Fucking Rick Overton is back on the show. 0.97

02:41:35.000 There's like a lot of great... 0.99

02:41:37.000 A lot of great people, man.

02:41:38.000 I became friends with Dom because we hung out in a pool hall once.

02:41:41.000 Oh, yeah?

02:41:41.000 Yeah, we did a gig together, but I didn't really know him.

02:41:43.000 And then I went to Amsterdam Billiards in New York in like, sure, 90s, somewhere in the 90s.

02:41:49.000 And I used to play a lot of pool.

02:41:51.000 And I was there, and Dom Herrera was there with his own stick.

02:41:53.000 I was like, what?

02:41:54.000 I'm like, you play pool?

02:41:56.000 He's like, yeah, he's pretty good. 0.99

02:41:57.000 I was like, shit, let's play some pool. 0.99

02:41:59.000 And we played pool. 1.00

02:42:00.000 I was like, I can't believe it. 0.98

02:42:01.000 I fucking love him. 0.99

02:42:01.000 Play some real pool. 0.99

02:42:03.000 He's from Philadelphia.

02:42:04.000 From Philadelphia, you've got to be able to take a punch, tell a joke, and place a pool.

02:42:07.000 That's it.

02:42:08.000 You have to know where the good cheese sticks are.

02:42:10.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

02:42:11.000 Do you think that's Philadelphia people like, enough with the fucking cheese sticks! 1.00

02:42:15.000 No, they love it. 1.00

02:42:16.000 It's a part of their fucking culture. 0.99

02:42:18.000 But you don't think they're annoyed, like, oh, you're saying that that's all we have? 0.99

02:42:21.000 Yeah, and partially it is.

02:42:22.000 What other food is coming out of there?

02:42:24.000 Is anybody else being like, dude, you know what else is good out of Philly?

02:42:26.000 Very good Italian food.

02:42:27.000 Yeah, but that's like Boston, good Italian food.

02:42:30.000 New York.

02:42:31.000 I think Boston has some of the best Italian food.

02:42:32.000 Go to the North End.

02:42:33.000 That's not true.

02:42:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:42:34.000 They have good Italian food.

02:42:35.000 Dude, it's the best. 1.00

02:42:36.000 They can't fuck with New York. 1.00

02:42:37.000 I grew up there, trust me. 1.00

02:42:38.000 But I think those are one of the same.

02:42:40.000 New York, Boston, to me. 0.99

02:42:41.000 No, you don't think it can fuck with it? 0.99

02:42:43.000 Sorry, Boston. 0.98

02:42:44.000 Look, I love ya, I love ya, but I think there's a smaller amount of good places, whereas New York, there's an endless supply of guineas. 0.93

02:42:51.000 Sure, right, per capita, it's fuckin' yes. 0.90

02:42:53.000 Endless supply of flour on the floor, and fuckin' people with aprons, and makin' sauce. 0.97

02:42:59.000 Oh! 0.98

02:42:59.000 The perfect fuckin' sauce. 0.98

02:43:00.000 My own sausage! 0.98

02:43:01.000 Yeah, it's just, I feel like there's a larger concentration of guineas in like the New York, New Jersey area, and in Boston it was more of a concentration of Irish.

02:43:11.000 There was more Irish.

02:43:12.000 Irish and Italian.

02:43:12.000 Yeah, Irish and Italian.

02:43:13.000 Just a few Italian, but they were heavily outnumbered.

02:43:15.000 Yeah.

02:43:16.000 Like East Boston, you know, like a few places, Little Italy, a few places.

02:43:20.000 That's why I feel comfortable there, because I'm an orange guy.

02:43:22.000 When I go to Boston, people think I'm orange.

02:43:23.000 You slip right in.

02:43:24.000 Yeah, they assume I'm theirs.

02:43:26.000 Well, what are you?

02:43:27.000 Irish and Italian.

02:43:28.000 Well, you're one of theirs.

02:43:29.000 Yeah, but not one of theirs.

02:43:30.000 But they're Santino.

02:43:31.000 They hear Santino.

02:43:31.000 If they hear Santino, they get mad.

02:43:32.000 They're like, what? 0.99

02:43:33.000 Traitor! 1.00

02:43:34.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

02:43:35.000 Yeah, when I first moved to Boston, I had an Irish last name. 0.99

02:43:38.000 The opposite.

02:43:38.000 But I'm mostly Italian.

02:43:39.000 I'm three-quarters Italian.

02:43:40.000 Yeah, you don't look Irish. 0.99

02:43:41.000 So it's like, you got a fucking Irish last name and you're almost all Italian? 1.00

02:43:46.000 Fucking shame. 1.00

02:43:47.000 Fucking pathetic. 1.00

02:43:48.000 Fucking shame. 1.00

02:43:49.000 There's some real Irish versus Italian animosity in Boston. 1.00

02:43:54.000 In most cities.

02:43:55.000 Late 70s, early 80s when I first moved there.

02:43:58.000 I was going to say, like the history of Irish and Italian.

02:43:59.000 They didn't really get along too well anyway.

02:44:01.000 They did not.

02:44:02.000 I think I moved there in, it must have been like 79. 79, and then I went to high school there in 81. That was my first year in high school.

02:44:11.000 Where were you born?

02:44:12.000 I was born in New Jersey.

02:44:13.000 I was going to say, I thought Jersey.

02:44:14.000 But we lived in California for a while.

02:44:16.000 I lived in California from age 7 to 11. And then we lived in Florida for a little bit.

02:44:20.000 And then we lived in Boston, Jamaica Plain for a year and a half, two years, somewhere around there.

02:44:26.000 And then we move to Newton, which is a very nice suburb.

02:44:28.000 Newton, Upper Falls.

02:44:29.000 Very nice suburb.

02:44:31.000 It's very quiet.

02:44:33.000 There's a lot of big lawns.

02:44:34.000 Everybody's relaxed.

02:44:35.000 Yeah.

02:44:36.000 Fences.

02:44:36.000 Yeah.

02:44:37.000 People bored out of their fucking mind. 1.00

02:44:38.000 Can't wait to escape. 1.00

02:44:39.000 You know, it's one of those places.

02:44:40.000 They don't realize how good they have it.

02:44:42.000 Well, that's what happens.

02:44:43.000 I went back recently.

02:44:43.000 I drove through the streets.

02:44:45.000 I'm like, gee, I could live here. 1.00

02:44:46.000 This fucking place is great. 1.00

02:44:47.000 Well, you have a new perspective when you get older. 1.00

02:44:48.000 When you're young, you're like, get the fuck out of this shithole. 0.99

02:44:51.000 Well, when you're younger, you're just so filled with angst. 1.00

02:44:54.000 Yeah.

02:44:54.000 You just, like, you have no idea.

02:44:56.000 Like, think about this.

02:44:57.000 When you were 17, you had no idea you were going to be a professional comic.

02:45:00.000 No idea things were going to work out.

02:45:01.000 You're going to be on a TV series.

02:45:03.000 You're going to be having a good time.

02:45:04.000 You had no idea.

02:45:05.000 So you're just like, what if it doesn't?

02:45:07.000 What if it all goes wrong?

02:45:09.000 You see all these people around you, and this guy's always drunk, and he's doing coke. 0.99

02:45:12.000 I've got to get the fuck out of here! 1.00

02:45:13.000 I've got to get the fuck out of this town! 1.00

02:45:15.000 Get the fuck away from these people! 1.00

02:45:17.000 And then you go back when you're an adult and you go, this is a great place. 1.00

02:45:20.000 I grew up in a really nice town.

02:45:22.000 Yeah, but it's probably only because when you leave, it's nice to come back.

02:45:25.000 No, I didn't have anybody telling me it was awesome.

02:45:27.000 If I had like a smart older brother, they'd be like, dude, look.

02:45:30.000 Don't go anywhere.

02:45:31.000 There's the Catholic school girls. 0.99

02:45:32.000 They're all horny. 1.00

02:45:33.000 They're all right there. 0.69

02:45:34.000 You just wait outside in front of the school.

02:45:36.000 I would have had strategies.

02:45:37.000 Dude, there was no one that was hornier than the girls who went to Catholic school. 1.00

02:45:41.000 No one.

02:45:43.000 No one.

02:45:44.000 They separated those girls from boys, and they were a different animal than the girls I went to school with. 0.98

02:45:49.000 Freaks!

02:45:49.000 Yeah, I went to public school, I went to Newton South, and when we were in high school, we would get out and we would meet girls that were coming off of the Catholic girls' school.

02:46:00.000 And these girls would go after guys. 1.00

02:46:03.000 They weren't like regular girls. 1.00

02:46:05.000 Like it's Hunger Games and shit. 1.00

02:46:06.000 They were predators. 1.00

02:46:07.000 Like they were starving.

02:46:08.000 Like they needed water. 0.99

02:46:10.000 Dick! 0.99

02:46:10.000 It was crazy! 0.99

02:46:12.000 The horniest girl I ever dated when I was young was in an all-girl Catholic school. 1.00

02:46:17.000 She was a great gal. 1.00

02:46:17.000 She was a fuck machine because she was like... 1.00

02:46:19.000 I made a joke about her that like you could roll a dick past her like a kitten with a ball of yarn and she would just tie behind it. 1.00

02:46:28.000 She couldn't help it. 0.99

02:46:30.000 She wasn't a bad person, but she was always horny, and it took me years to figure out what was going on.

02:46:37.000 It was something that I really considered in a very strange way.

02:46:41.000 It really puzzled me because I had these preconceived notions about how women behave, but these Catholic school girls threw a giant monkey wrench into this notion like, okay, That makes sense for the regular girls. 1.00

02:46:53.000 Regular girls, they might let you know. 1.00

02:46:55.000 They think you're cute.

02:46:56.000 He seems nice.

02:46:57.000 You ask her out.

02:46:59.000 You ask her friend.

02:47:00.000 Ask her if she likes me.

02:47:01.000 And you know, there was like this little thing.

02:47:03.000 Those Catholic girls, they would cut to the chase. 1.00

02:47:05.000 They were like werewolves. 0.92

02:47:06.000 They would just charge through the room and grab a guy.

02:47:08.000 Hey, how are you?

02:47:09.000 Want to make out?

02:47:10.000 Next thing you know, you're fingering them. 0.90

02:47:12.000 They were crazy.

02:47:13.000 They were a totally different animal. 0.99

02:47:15.000 They were taking your hand and putting it down their pants. 0.99

02:47:17.000 And girls didn't like it. 1.00

02:47:18.000 Other girls, the regular girls did not like it. 0.67

02:47:20.000 Of course not.

02:47:20.000 It's competition.

02:47:21.000 They were like gang members.

02:47:22.000 They're like gang members.

02:47:23.000 They all had their own uniform. 1.00

02:47:24.000 They'd come over with their fucking plaid skirts on and just fuck everything. 1.00

02:47:27.000 Like the Tasmanian devil. 1.00

02:47:29.000 They were just tornado fucking the whole school. 0.99

02:47:32.000 And they preyed on these boys because they didn't have any. 0.99

02:47:35.000 They had no boys.

02:47:36.000 They were in a whole school with hundreds of girls.

02:47:38.000 And when you repress that, that's what you get.

02:47:40.000 Dude, that is not good. 1.00

02:47:42.000 When you take away human emotion like that, you're fucked. 1.00

02:47:44.000 All they're doing is just all day, math, science, Spanish, dick, [... 1.00

02:47:48.000 Running through their head. 1.00

02:47:49.000 A ticker tape of dicks just going through their head. 1.00

02:47:52.000 And jizz and boners and squirt, squirt, squirt. 1.00

02:47:55.000 Just thinking about someone sucking their titties and eating their box. 1.00

02:47:58.000 That's all they're thinking about. 1.00

02:47:59.000 That's all they thought about. 0.99

02:48:01.000 I mean, I really, like, for years that girl fucked me up. 0.97

02:48:04.000 Because I had all these ideas about, like, a spectrum of natural female sexuality. 0.98

02:48:10.000 Right.

02:48:11.000 Like, this girl's hornier than that girl, but this girl's hornier than that girl, and she really likes this, but she really likes that. 1.00

02:48:16.000 But most of them, they act like girls, you gotta let them know that not this bitch, off the charts, rabid! 1.00

02:48:23.000 She was rabid! 1.00

02:48:25.000 It was rabid! 1.00

02:48:26.000 They suppressed the shit out of her, they just left her in this fucking thing. 1.00

02:48:30.000 It was crazy. 1.00

02:48:31.000 Meanwhile, her sister... 1.00

02:48:32.000 This was really weird.

02:48:34.000 Her sister didn't go to Catholic school.

02:48:36.000 Her sister went to school with me.

02:48:38.000 She went to a regular school.

02:48:39.000 Real tame.

02:48:39.000 She was normal.

02:48:40.000 Yeah, she was normal. 0.99

02:48:41.000 She was fucking normal. 0.96

02:48:42.000 I mean, she was a nice girl and everything. 0.99

02:48:46.000 Nothing wrong with her.

02:48:47.000 Fun to hang out with.

02:48:48.000 Right.

02:48:48.000 But normal.

02:48:49.000 She wasn't a werewolf.

02:48:50.000 Yeah, nothing insane.

02:48:51.000 Her sister was a werewolf.

02:48:52.000 What? 1.00

02:48:53.000 A werewolf for dick. 1.00

02:48:55.000 Dude, she was a monster, and it was the only one in the family that was like that. 1.00

02:48:58.000 And I just don't see any other correlation. 0.91

02:49:02.000 I've studied this for years. 1.00

02:49:04.000 She's probably in a fucking orgy. 1.00

02:49:06.000 She's a 50-year-old lady getting stuffed by like five dudes. 1.00

02:49:10.000 Two of them, she's jerking off one of them. 1.00

02:49:12.000 She's face-fucking them. 1.00

02:49:14.000 Dude, she's an animal. 1.00

02:49:16.000 A girl's an animal. 1.00

02:49:17.000 The majority of women that get into porn probably had some kind of repression like that, right? 1.00

02:49:22.000 I think it's more molestation.

02:49:24.000 You think that's the most?

02:49:24.000 It's the most, but it's not all of them.

02:49:27.000 You know, there's a thing that they always want to say, that all women who get into porn are fucked up. 1.00

02:49:31.000 Man, I don't know if that's true. 0.99

02:49:33.000 I don't believe that, no. 0.97

02:49:34.000 Yeah, and there's a thing that people, like someone was saying the other day that porn addiction is real and porn is fucked up because it ruins the way guys think and like... 0.80

02:49:41.000 Maybe some guys, but isn't that the same as with gambling? 0.88

02:49:46.000 Like isn't gambling really bad for some guys?

02:49:48.000 Yeah.

02:49:49.000 You know, it is, right?

02:49:50.000 Yeah, it ruins people's lives.

02:49:51.000 Ruins their life.

02:49:52.000 Yes. 0.99

02:49:53.000 Like there's certain guys who just can't fucking gamble. 0.98

02:49:55.000 Right. 0.98

02:49:56.000 Who was it that was saying that his dad lost their house over gambling?

02:50:01.000 Early podcast. 0.99

02:50:03.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:50:04.000 That growing up... 0.99

02:50:06.000 I want to say it was one of Callan's friends.

02:50:08.000 Was it Jimmy Burke?

02:50:10.000 It might have been.

02:50:11.000 I mean, I come from my grandfather's...

02:50:12.000 My grandfather works at the dog track in Chicago.

02:50:14.000 I think it was Jimmy Burke.

02:50:16.000 I think Jimmy Burke's dad was a crazy gambler.

02:50:19.000 But yeah, man, there's a...

02:50:20.000 I knew a lot of guys like that from the pool hall.

02:50:22.000 That just every nickel they earned, they would blow.

02:50:25.000 And they always owed money, and they were hiding from people.

02:50:28.000 It was always gambling.

02:50:29.000 That lifestyle is so wild to me.

02:50:30.000 But I don't have a problem with gambling.

02:50:32.000 So if I go to Vegas, and I don't bet on anything, but I used to bet on fights. 0.97

02:50:37.000 So maybe if I'm in Vegas and just for a fucking goof, Canelo Alvarez is going to fight Gennady Golovkin, and I get to the sports book a day before the fight, I'm like, yeah, I'll put a fucking couple hundred bucks on this. 0.94

02:50:47.000 Yeah, why not? 0.98

02:50:48.000 I think Triple G's got it.

02:50:50.000 And I'll throw my hat in the ring.

02:50:52.000 But I'm not going to lose my mind and bet my life.

02:50:56.000 With some people, it's their whole existence.

02:50:58.000 They have to.

02:50:58.000 It doesn't mean that I shouldn't be able to go gamble.

02:51:00.000 It's just like the same thing as if I'm in a hotel room and I want to jerk off, I don't want to hear your bullshit about somebody who's addicted to it and it ruins their life. 0.99

02:51:07.000 I'm sad. 1.00

02:51:08.000 I'm sad that someone got addicted to it and ruined their life.

02:51:10.000 It's bummer for them.

02:51:11.000 But there's nothing that I can do about that and porn's a real thing.

02:51:14.000 So what do you want me to do? 0.99

02:51:15.000 Am I supposed to abandon all my jerking off and not watch the stuff that I want to watch? 0.99

02:51:21.000 Because somewhere, there's someone who can't handle it. 0.99

02:51:23.000 Or, do we have to educate people?

02:51:25.000 Like, hey, some people, they have weak chins, and they just don't think well.

02:51:30.000 Can't get through.

02:51:31.000 You shouldn't get into boxing.

02:51:32.000 You know what I mean?

02:51:34.000 If you can't take a punch, don't get into boxing. 1.00

02:51:36.000 If you watch one porn film, and next thing you know, five hours later, you're dehydrated, you haven't left the room, your dick is raw, your fucking hands are tired, you've got a tennis elbow. 1.00

02:51:49.000 That's not my fault. 1.00

02:51:51.000 I don't know what to tell you. 0.98

02:51:52.000 Should I not jerk off now? 0.97

02:51:54.000 But those people that suffer through it, it's like people were alcoholics. 0.88

02:51:57.000 Like, what are you drinking?

02:51:59.000 Yeah!

02:52:00.000 I like to have a drink!

02:52:01.000 Yep.

02:52:01.000 You know why?

02:52:02.000 Because I'll go weeks without having one.

02:52:04.000 Yeah, it won't ruin my family.

02:52:05.000 It doesn't fuck my life up.

02:52:06.000 I like to have a drink. 1.00

02:52:07.000 I don't go home and kick my fucking dog around the house and beat my kids. 1.00

02:52:11.000 I like to have a drink. 1.00

02:52:12.000 Is that alright?

02:52:13.000 I like to have a glass of wine with dinner. 1.00

02:52:14.000 Does that mean that I have to respect the guy who lost everything and he's fucking homeless and he's sucking dicks for cheap wine? 1.00

02:52:20.000 Nope. 0.99

02:52:20.000 Because he couldn't handle it, so I should, out of respect for him, push that Pinot Noir aside. 0.99

02:52:25.000 No, no, no.

02:52:26.000 It's not a palate cleanser when you're having a nice steak and some fine garlic mashed potatoes.

02:52:32.000 That's a terrible drug that ruins families.

02:52:35.000 Just like the porn. 1.00

02:52:36.000 Just like fucking everything though. 1.00

02:52:38.000 It's like working out. 1.00

02:52:39.000 You could be addicted to working out.

02:52:41.000 So many people are.

02:52:41.000 They are.

02:52:42.000 There's a lot of people that are.

02:52:43.000 It's not going to stop you from lifting? 1.00

02:52:44.000 Come on, bitch. 1.00

02:52:46.000 Come on, bitch. 1.00

02:52:47.000 People are too fucking goddamn soft. 1.00

02:52:50.000 That's the problem. 1.00

02:52:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:52:51.000 We're so soft.

02:52:52.000 We're trying to protect other people.

02:52:53.000 So much.

02:52:55.000 That we're ruining them.

02:52:56.000 Yeah, we're ruining them.

02:52:57.000 We're ruining people. 0.99

02:52:59.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:53:01.000 Santino. 0.99

02:53:02.000 How did we get to this?

02:53:04.000 Amy doesn't know.

02:53:05.000 He's looking at porn right now. 0.93

02:53:06.000 I get mad.

02:53:06.000 He looks at porn all the time.

02:53:08.000 I see it in his eyes.

02:53:09.000 Like, you see the glint?

02:53:11.000 Yeah, the little glimmer.

02:53:13.000 You see a little glimmer.

02:53:19.000 Yeah, watching porn is one of the weirdest taboos because you think about how many people watch it.

02:53:27.000 Didn't we talk about this once where it was something insane like 20% of all internet traffic is all porn?

02:53:33.000 20?

02:53:33.000 I thought it was more than that.

02:53:34.000 More.

02:53:35.000 Wouldn't you assume it's more than that?

02:53:36.000 39%.

02:53:37.000 I'm gonna say 39. I'm gonna say...

02:53:40.000 I'm gonna do 42. Isn't most of it Netflix now?

02:53:45.000 Thirty percent.

02:53:46.000 Wow.

02:53:47.000 What percent is Netflix?

02:53:49.000 Seventy.

02:53:50.000 I want to say forty-nine.

02:53:51.000 I don't know why I'm into nines today.

02:53:53.000 I'm going to say thirty-six.

02:53:55.000 Ooh.

02:53:57.000 This is like, uh, the price is right.

02:53:58.000 You got it?

02:53:59.000 Thirty-six?

02:53:59.000 Nailed it?

02:54:00.000 Damn! 1.00

02:54:01.000 Give me some knuckles on that. 0.99

02:54:02.000 Thirty-two point two five in just North America, but thirty-six of all.

02:54:05.000 Wow.

02:54:06.000 You got super specific.

02:54:07.000 Wait, wait.

02:54:08.000 Thirty-two point two five in just North America.

02:54:10.000 Thirty-six overall.

02:54:11.000 This was also, but that was October 8th of 2015, so it's got to be more now.

02:54:14.000 Probably, but how crazy is that?

02:54:16.000 That the United States has that big of a market, and the rest of the world is just four or five points.

02:54:20.000 I'll tell you why that's wrong, because Ian Edwards was just somewhere that was saying how the international market now has almost matched.

02:54:27.000 Ian's working on a Netflix show, and their international markets almost match North America now.

02:54:31.000 Wow.

02:54:32.000 So that was, what, three years ago?

02:54:33.000 It's got to be way higher now.

02:54:34.000 That's crazy.

02:54:35.000 Way higher.

02:54:36.000 That is crazy.

02:54:37.000 You know what they made in the fourth quarter last year, Netflix?

02:54:39.000 What?

02:54:40.000 Take a guess.

02:54:40.000 Don't look it up.

02:54:41.000 Take a guess.

02:54:42.000 80 kazillion dollars.

02:54:44.000 10 billion.

02:54:45.000 No, no, no.

02:54:45.000 In just the fourth quarter last year, they made 3.4 billion.

02:54:48.000 Just the fourth quarter.

02:54:50.000 10 for the year, I think.

02:54:50.000 10 for the year, that's probably right.

02:54:51.000 Wow.

02:54:52.000 Well, they're throwing it around at comics, I'll tell you that.

02:54:55.000 I wish they were throwing it at me.

02:54:56.000 They will be, Santino. 0.83

02:54:58.000 First of all, you're a little too white and the future is dark. 1.00

02:55:00.000 I know. 1.00

02:55:01.000 The future is brown and meek.

02:55:03.000 What am I doing?

02:55:04.000 If you had glasses and you were thin and brown, you'd have a show. 0.99

02:55:09.000 I'd have two shows.

02:55:09.000 If you were a woman and you had glasses and you were brown, would you have a show?

02:55:14.000 I might transform.

02:55:16.000 No, I think that what it is right now is that they just have so many specials that they're working on.

02:55:20.000 That's my biggest problem.

02:55:21.000 If someone was trying to say that, they were like, oh, you know, they're only going after, I forget what term he used, like either hipsters or they're going after, you know, diversity.

02:55:31.000 Like, they're not going to give it to a white guy.

02:55:33.000 I'm like, John Mulaney just got a special.

02:55:35.000 Yeah.

02:55:35.000 What are you talking about?

02:55:37.000 Like, Craig Ferguson just got a special.

02:55:39.000 It's just those that have built it.

02:55:40.000 You have to build yourself.

02:55:41.000 You have to be built.

02:55:41.000 Well...

02:55:42.000 That's how it always was.

02:55:44.000 Yeah, of course.

02:55:45.000 The way it always used to be, and this is the problem, is there's no real valid entry-level show.

02:55:51.000 So, what it used to be is, you would get on, like, Young Comedian Special on HBO. And then there would be like four of you, everybody would do 15 minutes or so, and then that's how you'd make it.

02:56:04.000 And then there was the Rodney Dangerfield specials, and that's how we found out about Lenny Clark and Dom Herrera, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, Dice Clay, they all came out of the Rodney Dangerfield specials.

02:56:14.000 There's not a thing like that anymore.

02:56:16.000 So you had to go through those things before you got a special.

02:56:19.000 Now, it's like you just kind of get specials.

02:56:23.000 You have to find a way into the game.

02:56:26.000 You have to find the niche that gets you to the place to get the special.

02:56:30.000 Well, you have a Showtime special.

02:56:32.000 I do.

02:56:32.000 I put a special up on Showtime last year.

02:56:34.000 The problem is Showtime's market is so specific.

02:56:38.000 It's only people that subscribe. 0.99

02:56:39.000 Meanwhile, Netflix is fucking everybody. 0.93

02:56:42.000 That's true, but meanwhile, Sebastian became one of the biggest comics in the world just because of Showtime. 0.97

02:56:48.000 Sebastian is the unicorn, man.

02:56:50.000 When people go, how did he make it so big?

02:56:53.000 Well, first of all, he's really funny.

02:56:55.000 Very funny.

02:56:55.000 Great guy.

02:56:56.000 Family-friendly. 0.98

02:56:58.000 And for whatever reason, whatever Showtime's fucking target market is, he just flew right through in. 0.96

02:57:05.000 There's an opening, and he just like... 0.97

02:57:08.000 Without touching the wall.

02:57:09.000 He just went right through, right in.

02:57:11.000 It was perfect.

02:57:12.000 Perfect!

02:57:13.000 Yeah, but that's what all that is.

02:57:14.000 That's all timing.

02:57:16.000 Showtime's been great.

02:57:17.000 I don't know if I would do another one anytime soon at all, but if I did do another one, I'd do it with them.

02:57:22.000 I don't really care where it is.

02:57:23.000 I just care the content that I put on it.

02:57:25.000 Can someone see it online?

02:57:27.000 Can they go and get it somewhere?

02:57:28.000 You have to have Showtime.

02:57:28.000 That's the problem.

02:57:30.000 See, that's the thing about Netflix that's so great is everybody has it.

02:57:32.000 But Showtime is like, my special's always there.

02:57:35.000 It's just you have to have Showtime.

02:57:36.000 You know, people have talked about doing this with podcasts.

02:57:39.000 About doing the same kind of thing.

02:57:41.000 Like, coming up with a bunch of cash and having all podcasts under one umbrella.

02:57:46.000 Right.

02:57:48.000 You know, like a Netflix type deal.

02:57:51.000 Because everybody has their own way of doing it now.

02:57:54.000 Like, everybody has their own way of doing it in terms of, like, some people have ads.

02:57:58.000 Some people have, like, a GoFundMe or a Patreon page.

02:58:02.000 You don't want that. 0.86

02:58:02.000 But that would fuck you up, right? 0.86

02:58:05.000 Probably. 0.99

02:58:06.000 Yeah.

02:58:06.000 I mean, that seems like that's going backwards.

02:58:08.000 Unless it was like a Netflix thing where everybody had it.

02:58:11.000 That would have to be the thing.

02:58:12.000 But the thing is, like, Netflix is movies, and movies take a shitload of money to make.

02:58:17.000 Netflix is TV shows.

02:58:18.000 They take a shitload of money to make.

02:58:20.000 This podcast, you could have done it on a phone.

02:58:24.000 We could have set our iPhone on the table right there, press the auto record thing.

02:58:29.000 And just gone.

02:58:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:58:31.000 But instead, we got Jamie doing all these fake button push-in and porno and shit. 0.99

02:58:35.000 I'm waiting for VR, bro. 0.99

02:58:36.000 Fun fact, Apple's market cap, that's my man Marcus Brownlee.

02:58:39.000 Wow.

02:58:39.000 Market cap is closing in on $1 trillion.

02:58:42.000 If you had a trillion dollars, you could literally buy every single NFL, NBA, and MLS team, Ford, NASA, and 100,000 Teslas and still have money left over.

02:58:51.000 But you couldn't buy Apple.

02:58:53.000 Whoa.

02:58:54.000 That's funny.

02:58:58.000 They can buy Netflix seven and a half times.

02:59:01.000 Wow.

02:59:03.000 But Apple, what they're doing with podcasts is very interesting because they're just an aggregator.

02:59:09.000 Yes.

02:59:10.000 You have to have your own host and you just put it up on there.

02:59:13.000 But through their iTunes, we're always in this trending section.

02:59:17.000 We're always in the rankings when you're looking at who the top podcasts are.

02:59:23.000 We're always in there and it helps people find you.

02:59:25.000 Totally.

02:59:26.000 So they're helping people find you.

02:59:27.000 They are kind of a network in a way, but they're not a network in a way like...

02:59:31.000 They're not like a YouTube where they control content.

02:59:33.000 They're not like...

02:59:34.000 They're not...

02:59:37.000 They're not hosting you.

02:59:39.000 Well, they have Apple Music, too, but podcasts are not a part of that yet.

02:59:42.000 I wonder if they're gonna do that.

02:59:43.000 I think that's so weird that they don't merge those.

02:59:44.000 Like, that that podcast is a separate tab, which makes no fucking sense to me.

02:59:49.000 Like, it's just to be a subcategory of music.

02:59:51.000 It should be, right?

02:59:52.000 But then there's the thing of, if you have something on iTunes, right?

02:59:57.000 And, like, Apple Music is a totally different jam.

03:00:00.000 Right?

03:00:01.000 Like Apple Music is them hosting it, isn't it?

03:00:04.000 Yeah, it is.

03:00:05.000 So they would have it.

03:00:05.000 So they would have your podcast.

03:00:07.000 So if you said something really fucked up, like maybe they would get in trouble for having you on. 0.96

03:00:12.000 I don't think so. 0.97

03:00:13.000 They won't censor someone's song.

03:00:14.000 No, yeah.

03:00:15.000 Same way.

03:00:15.000 Same thing.

03:00:16.000 Like any like radical punk rock, fucking crazy, fucking mother. 1.00

03:00:21.000 They might not host it. 1.00

03:00:22.000 Right.

03:00:23.000 Going into it.

03:00:24.000 But I mean, I don't think...

03:00:25.000 But like look up...

03:00:26.000 But Apple Music can't...

03:00:28.000 Like, what is the Spotify market versus the Apple Music market?

03:00:31.000 Like, I don't think Apple Music does well at all.

03:00:33.000 It's doing way better now.

03:00:35.000 As well as Spotify does?

03:00:37.000 It's getting closer, yeah.

03:00:38.000 Because I feel like Spotify just dominates the market.

03:00:40.000 Yeah, but see, Apple Music's on everyone's phone now.

03:00:42.000 You just find it and use it.

03:00:43.000 It's so easy to use.

03:00:45.000 I use it.

03:00:46.000 I don't use Spotify.

03:00:47.000 See, but I think the youngest generation loves Spotify.

03:00:51.000 Like, they love SoundCloud.

03:00:52.000 Do you know SoundCloud?

03:00:53.000 Yeah, they love that.

03:00:53.000 I mean, that's so big.

03:00:54.000 They love that shit. 0.99

03:00:56.000 SoundCloud, a lot of people are using to host podcasts. 1.00

03:00:58.000 Yeah, totally.

03:00:58.000 But a lot of people think that it won't be around.

03:01:00.000 Oh, I think that's the opposite.

03:01:02.000 Not only is it for stuff like that that's homemade podcast stuff, like DIY, it's also set to surpass Spotify paid subscribers.

03:01:09.000 Right, right, because Spotify starts off for free.

03:01:11.000 Right, interesting. 0.96

03:01:14.000 But like that's my thing is like you know like that the future of SoundCloud thing like that is because it's it's all everybody loves DIY shit whether it's musicians or like all those musicians and artists now that are on Spotify it's all people like making music in their fucking in their house yeah fucking YouTube you know I mean how many YouTube millionaires have been made from a lot so many weird shit Like putting up videos, 0.98

03:01:37.000 talking about nonsense. 0.95

03:01:38.000 I know some from the beginning.

03:01:40.000 Like I used to do a YouTube sketch thing a long time ago and it like caught fire a little bit on a very small scale and the people that we kind of associated with when it was starting to grow, two or three of them now that I know have made so much money from that.

03:01:53.000 And they were just from the jump, they were kind of like in right as the cusp was like beginning, you know?

03:01:57.000 What happens with that dude who got in trouble with the suicide?

03:02:00.000 Is that Jake or Logan Paul?

03:02:02.000 Which one is he?

03:02:02.000 That's Logan Paul.

03:02:03.000 Logan Paul.

03:02:04.000 What happened?

03:02:04.000 He's banned.

03:02:05.000 They demonetized his entire channel.

03:02:08.000 I thought he's still making videos, right?

03:02:09.000 He's not making any money.

03:02:11.000 They took all his ad money away because he electrocuted a dead rat.

03:02:16.000 No.

03:02:17.000 Yes, he did.

03:02:17.000 I brought a video yesterday that had two and a half million views.

03:02:19.000 But he doesn't get paid.

03:02:21.000 No, he still does.

03:02:21.000 No, they were saying that his entire channel was demonetized.

03:02:24.000 Unless he got lawyers involved.

03:02:26.000 Well, so then he could be just using his channel and then getting sponsored videos.

03:02:30.000 Well, yeah, totally.

03:02:31.000 Still making money that way.

03:02:32.000 And selling merch, which is one of the big things.

03:02:34.000 To me, it's stunning. 0.99

03:02:34.000 He makes more on merch probably than he does from fucking YouTube. 0.99

03:02:37.000 Probably does. 0.99

03:02:38.000 To me, it's stunning that there's not a competitor to YouTube.

03:02:42.000 Not a real competitor.

03:02:43.000 Yeah.

03:02:44.000 They've tried.

03:02:45.000 It's crazy.

03:02:46.000 Vimeo is just not...

03:02:47.000 Not happening.

03:02:48.000 Well, it's a video hosting site, but it's not...

03:02:51.000 It's not as user-friendly.

03:02:52.000 Well, it's also, it doesn't suggest things, their algorithm that YouTube has figured out to having what's next on the right-hand side, it's like so attractive.

03:03:00.000 Yeah.

03:03:00.000 Because there's always something there to click on.

03:03:01.000 Right.

03:03:02.000 Vimeo does not, they're not as sophisticated in that way.

03:03:04.000 They want to be the artistic, you know, They want to cultivate this sexy little artistic thing. 0.96

03:03:10.000 YouTube's like, fuck it, here's everything you've ever wanted to see. 0.99

03:03:12.000 Everything! 1.00

03:03:13.000 And ads for tampons.

03:03:16.000 We're putting up every video on Vimeo as well as on YouTube.

03:03:20.000 Sure.

03:03:20.000 But on YouTube, it'll have over a million videos, a million hits.

03:03:23.000 And then you go to Vimeo, and the same video will have, like, what?

03:03:26.000 20, 30,000?

03:03:28.000 20,000?

03:03:28.000 Yeah.

03:03:29.000 That's what I was going to say.

03:03:29.000 Because their viewer traffic is so much lower.

03:03:32.000 It's so much lower.

03:03:33.000 The only time I watch Vimeo is when someone sends me a Vimeo link.

03:03:36.000 And you've got to think that video link is being sent to whatever million people I have on Twitter.

03:03:42.000 Totally.

03:03:43.000 I have like two million people and two million Russian bots.

03:03:47.000 I'm not sure which one.

03:03:49.000 They're all bots, dude.

03:03:50.000 I don't know how that works.

03:03:51.000 I'm even a bot.

03:03:52.000 Some of them they say it's if you haven't used it to post.

03:03:55.000 But there's a lot of people that use Twitter and they don't post.

03:03:58.000 So, like, how do you know if someone's a bot?

03:04:00.000 Like, there's some suspicion of their detection methods to decide who's fake. 0.99

03:04:05.000 I always can tell when you look at their fucking profile. 0.99

03:04:07.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

03:04:07.000 The stuff they write is so funny. 1.00

03:04:09.000 Oh, there's definitely some of those.

03:04:10.000 You know what?

03:04:10.000 I get a lot of those on Instagram.

03:04:13.000 I get a lot of those.

03:04:14.000 Really?

03:04:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:04:15.000 Weird, like, fake comments.

03:04:17.000 You know, like, I learned how to make $100 million a week.

03:04:20.000 It's all over the place.

03:04:21.000 Those things are everywhere.

03:04:23.000 You know?

03:04:23.000 It's, like, who are they getting with that?

03:04:26.000 Like, who are they...

03:04:27.000 Who are they going after?

03:04:29.000 Literally nobody.

03:04:30.000 Yeah, nobody.

03:04:30.000 They can't make any money.

03:04:31.000 That's got to be just like a whole scheme.

03:04:33.000 Old people. 0.98

03:04:34.000 Even then.

03:04:34.000 They'll get some really...

03:04:35.000 Man, I watched the saddest show once where this old dude kept getting...

03:04:38.000 He kept getting scammed by this Nigerian scammer who was pretending he was a hot girl that wanted to meet him in Europe. 1.00

03:04:44.000 This poor fuck flew to Europe twice to meet this girl. 1.00

03:04:47.000 And both times she came up with excuses why she couldn't meet him. 1.00

03:04:50.000 But for some...

03:04:50.000 But you know, like...

03:04:51.000 Dude.

03:04:52.000 Darwinism, dude.

03:04:52.000 Well...

03:04:53.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

03:04:54.000 Like, that guy's a fucking idiot, dude. 1.00

03:04:55.000 Can you feel bad for that guy? 1.00

03:04:56.000 He was this older guy and his daughter and...

03:05:00.000 Everybody died.

03:05:01.000 No, they were alive, but they were sad. 0.97

03:05:03.000 They were watching this poor guy get fucking scammed and keep traveling to Europe, and he didn't want to believe the girl didn't exist. 0.93

03:05:09.000 And you were watching it, and, like, everyone knew but him. 0.98

03:05:12.000 Like, you knew.

03:05:13.000 You watched him, like, no.

03:05:14.000 That's why I can't feel bad, dude.

03:05:15.000 Let him live that fantasy then.

03:05:17.000 Life is just a fantasy.

03:05:19.000 Can you live this fantasy life? 1.00

03:05:20.000 Let him live that sad fucking fantasy. 1.00

03:05:22.000 Aldo Nova? 1.00

03:05:23.000 Yeah.

03:05:24.000 Live this fantasy life.

03:05:26.000 I watched a video of that the other day.

03:05:28.000 We're at the store.

03:05:29.000 We were in the secret comic bar.

03:05:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:05:31.000 And we started talking about Aldo Nova.

03:05:33.000 I'm like, do you remember that song?

03:05:34.000 I put it up on YouTube.

03:05:35.000 We're sitting there like laughing watching this video.

03:05:37.000 Watching the video?

03:05:38.000 Yeah.

03:05:38.000 I miss the old videos, man.

03:05:39.000 The beginning of it, Aldo Nova uses his guitar to break into a building and then he performs on stage.

03:05:44.000 This is the beginning of it.

03:05:46.000 You can play the beginning of it because it's not music.

03:05:48.000 Yeah.

03:05:48.000 No?

03:05:49.000 No, I can't.

03:05:50.000 We'll get booted off YouTube. 1.00

03:05:52.000 It's a fucking ridiculous music video. 1.00

03:05:54.000 There's a bunch of dudes with machine guns. 1.00

03:05:56.000 They open up this helicopter, it lands, and fucking Aldo Nova steps out. 1.00

03:06:01.000 What the fuck is up? 1.00

03:06:02.000 Look at his outfit. 0.99

03:06:02.000 He's got a leopard outfit, his sleeves are rolled up, he's got knee-high boots on, and he doesn't make eye contact with anybody. 0.99

03:06:09.000 Hell no. 1.00

03:06:10.000 Walks to the fucking stage. 1.00

03:06:11.000 Nobody can see your eyes, man. 1.00

03:06:12.000 They get to the door.

03:06:13.000 Look, he's got a purpose in his walk.

03:06:15.000 They get to the door, but he can't get in because the door is locked. 1.00

03:06:19.000 Shit. 1.00

03:06:19.000 They're trying to get in. 1.00

03:06:21.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:06:21.000 Can't get in. 1.00

03:06:22.000 Step back, Aldo says. 1.00

03:06:24.000 He tries to break it with his gun, but he's a weak-ass bitch. 1.00

03:06:27.000 Like a bitch! 1.00

03:06:28.000 It's worse. 1.00

03:06:29.000 Aldo's like, cue me the guitar.

03:06:30.000 Music is the key.

03:06:31.000 Puts the strap on.

03:06:32.000 Check this out, man. 0.61

03:06:34.000 Down hell. 0.96

03:06:36.000 Down hell. 1.00

03:06:37.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

03:06:39.000 He melts off the fucking lock with his guitar, bitch. 1.00

03:06:43.000 Kicks open the door. 1.00

03:06:45.000 The fucking smoke machine starts going. 1.00

03:06:48.000 They all walk in, and the band's already ready. 1.00

03:06:51.000 Yeah!

03:06:52.000 Come on, baby! 1.00

03:06:55.000 This is a timestamp.

03:06:57.000 This is what happens when you take LSD and marijuana out of the market. 1.00

03:07:01.000 As soon as you make it illegal, really bad, and make these fucking people terrified for their lives, no one does drugs, and everybody just falls into this kind of shit. 1.00

03:07:09.000 Shitty music. 1.00

03:07:10.000 They just don't know what they're doing, man.

03:07:11.000 They don't know what they're doing.

03:07:13.000 They literally, like children, they've been separated from the umbilical cord.

03:07:16.000 They don't know how to get nutrition.

03:07:18.000 They're flying around.

03:07:19.000 It's freaking the fuck out.

03:07:20.000 What is this? 0.53

03:07:21.000 Where am I? Life is just a fantasy.

03:07:23.000 Can you live this fantasy alive?

03:07:25.000 No, no!

03:07:26.000 No, no!

03:07:27.000 This is such a terrible song. 1.00

03:07:30.000 When I was in high school, it was the shit, man. 1.00

03:07:32.000 Then you look back and you're like, that's a terrible fucking song. 1.00

03:07:34.000 Now you do. 1.00

03:07:35.000 Yeah.

03:07:35.000 But back then, you know, it was like Def Leppard singing Pour Some Sugar On Me.

03:07:40.000 Fantasy.

03:07:41.000 Alright, I gotta wrap this up.

03:07:43.000 Andrew Santino, tell all these wonderful people where you're gonna be.

03:07:46.000 I'll be with you at the Ice House. 1.00

03:07:48.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

03:07:49.000 Next weekend, you fucks! 1.00

03:07:52.000 Otherwise, check me out, Cheeto Santino, on Instagram and Twitter. 1.00

03:07:54.000 Cheeto Santino.

03:07:55.000 Always at the Comedy Store as well.

03:07:57.000 Always at the Comedy Store.

03:07:58.000 Come. 1.00

03:07:58.000 Alright, you fucks. 1.00

03:07:59.000 Thank you, everybody. 0.99

03:08:00.000 Bye.

03:08:03.000 So fun, dude.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 13, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1090 - Andrew Santino

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript